Speaker 1: Hello, Hello, Hello, good morning morning. Are you in New York.
Speaker 1: I'm in Seattle.
Speaker 2: I'm in Seattle.
Speaker 3: My voice sounds fresh because of all the freshness that
Speaker 3: I've been up to. So I had a book signing
Speaker 3: here last night. I had the Oscars the night before,
Speaker 3: big party situation. Yes, was out till about four in
Speaker 3: the morning, and then got up at eight o'clock or
Speaker 3: no ten o'clock to come to Seattle for my book
Speaker 3: signing here.
Speaker 4: The Internet says that you're dating rape Fines, which like
Speaker 4: I saw, I saw it like I saw.
Speaker 1: Hell, yeah, well that's I'm not dating Ray Fines. But that, yes,
Speaker 1: I saw that. I had high hopes I had.
Speaker 3: Yes, No, we just went to a from one party
Speaker 3: to another together. That's simply what happened. But I did
Speaker 3: have a blast. I've had a blast all week.
Speaker 2: And it's been your birthday.
Speaker 3: Oh. Yes, and I had a birthday party too on
Speaker 3: Friday night, No, Saturday night, Saturday night, I had a
Speaker 3: birthday party. Saturday. I went from Chicago, went to my
Speaker 3: book signing at the Grove in La. Then I turned
Speaker 3: around and went back to the hotel I was staying
Speaker 3: at where I was having my birthday party.
Speaker 2: Saturday night, which was also a blast, very fun.
Speaker 4: And then I randomly ran into you at the grove.
Speaker 4: Let me tell you how many signs there were that
Speaker 4: I didn't put two and two together. They had an
Speaker 4: Owls Brew lemonade stand and I was like, oh, that's
Speaker 4: Chelsea's and like, did not think you were doing a signing.
Speaker 4: And by the way, the Owlsbrew is delicious. I had
Speaker 4: the pink lemonade.
Speaker 1: I know, I know all these girls that are upcoming in.
Speaker 3: You know, my book signings are primarily about ninety percent women, obviously,
Speaker 3: and they're all coming.
Speaker 1: And now we have the Owls Brew at every book signing.
Speaker 3: So that's been so fun because now people get the
Speaker 3: message that for their book clubs they should be pounding Owlsbrew.
Speaker 4: Yeah it's very tart, very delicious.
Speaker 1: But yeah, that was so funny.
Speaker 4: And then somebody came up and said, who's doing a
Speaker 4: book signing here, and the guy behind the counter said
Speaker 4: Chelsea Hmler and I was like.
Speaker 3: Oh, yeah, yeah, I know what a dink.
Speaker 4: I know, I know. I'm like, I'm sure it was
Speaker 4: in there subliminally somewhere, but anyway, yes, we got to
Speaker 4: come say hi, I mad.
Speaker 3: And I was reunited with Doug for this week for
Speaker 3: the weekend, even though my Belle started pulling her a
Speaker 3: bullshit when she brought him over to my hotel room.
Speaker 1: She's like, it's okay, Doug, it's okay, mommy's here. I'm like,
Speaker 1: I'm the mommy.
Speaker 2: Shut up dog, don't start.
Speaker 1: This shit with me again.
Speaker 3: Anyway. I'm on my way back to Los Angeles this morning,
Speaker 3: and I am going to you know, hit it.
Speaker 2: Hit it hard for the next who knows how long.
Speaker 2: I can't even look at my schedule because it's too intimidating.
Speaker 4: No, no, I know. I keep asking your assistant for
Speaker 4: things and she as, you're busy.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: And I've also run into so many So many of
Speaker 3: the people coming to my book signings love Dear Chelsea
Speaker 3: and are avid listeners. So that's always nice to meet
Speaker 3: our listeners in person. And I hope you guys are
Speaker 3: reaching out to each other through different groups and stuff
Speaker 3: so that you guys can connect through Dear Chelsea and
Speaker 3: read the books together.
Speaker 4: That's great. Well, any dates that we want to.
Speaker 3: Hit Vegas, I'm coming to Vegas March twenty first, guys,
Speaker 3: that's my next show in Vegas. March twenty first, and
Speaker 3: then April eighteenth, and then I announced about five more dates,
Speaker 3: and I announced all my European dates, So those are
Speaker 3: selling out. So if you're in Europe and you're listening
Speaker 3: to this and I'm coming to your city, go get
Speaker 3: your ticket because they're going excellent. And then also anyone
Speaker 3: who's listening, who has bought my book, who has listened
Speaker 3: to my book, send us excerpts or you reading your
Speaker 3: favorite parts or circle your favorite parts because I've been reposting.
Speaker 1: Those and I love those. I love to see them.
Speaker 3: And yes, my book has now been out for almost
Speaker 3: six days.
Speaker 1: I'll have what she's having.
Speaker 4: Amazing and I got a copy too now, so I'm
Speaker 4: gonna find out all your.
Speaker 3: Secret wonderful well there's you know, as we know, there
Speaker 3: are no.
Speaker 1: Secrets with me.
Speaker 3: And I also want to mention that based on my video,
Speaker 3: my birthday videos, which we're all familiar with, hopefully I
Speaker 3: am doing an actual ski run bathing suit ski run
Speaker 3: on March fourteenth that everyone is invited to come and
Speaker 3: register for.
Speaker 2: That means you ski with me in your bathing.
Speaker 3: Suit down Tahoe in the Palisades Palisades, Tahoe I should say,
Speaker 3: and it's well, it's just going to be a blast.
Speaker 3: I mean, it's just going to be a recreation of
Speaker 3: my birthday video. And wait, so you see the bathing
Speaker 3: suit they have me wearing. Very excited, So our guests today.
Speaker 1: Please welcome Rachel Bloom.
Speaker 3: Okay, we're here with she's a comedian, she's a writer,
Speaker 3: and she's an actress. And you know her best probably
Speaker 3: as the creator and star of Crazy Ex Girlfriend, Everyone's
Speaker 3: favorite show, and she.
Speaker 1: Has a new specially.
Speaker 2: Everyone is a very libb.
Speaker 1: Please go on, and we're justlusive.
Speaker 2: Okay, it's very inclusive of a very small part of
Speaker 2: the population. That's not true. That's not true. That was
Speaker 2: a very hugely popular show. Popular is an interesting Sure,
Speaker 2: yes it was.
Speaker 3: It was, absolutely it was. I think you need to
Speaker 3: embrace that. Her new special is called Death. Let me
Speaker 3: do my special. It's on Netflix right now. Please welcome
Speaker 3: Rachel Bloom. Rachel Bloom, Hi, Hi.
Speaker 2: How are you.
Speaker 1: I'm good.
Speaker 2: It's always really nice to see you.
Speaker 1: Always I love seeing you.
Speaker 2: You're just a really kind person. Thank you. I was
Speaker 2: just telling actually or Nanny was like, oh my god,
Speaker 2: I love she's such a fan of yours, and I
Speaker 2: was like, also, she's like really nice and kind to
Speaker 2: other women, which is just really wonderful.
Speaker 3: Thank you. Now I have to start being that way
Speaker 3: to men, which I know they can be nice to
Speaker 3: each other or whatever they are. You know, it's not
Speaker 3: really our problem. Let's talk about your special. Death is
Speaker 3: a big character in your special.
Speaker 2: He is and I he is, Well, I'm kind of
Speaker 2: the some of the character based off of like men
Speaker 2: I've interacted with in like writers rooms, and so death
Speaker 2: to me is a he Yes.
Speaker 5: I like that.
Speaker 3: Yes, I'd like to start thinking of it that way
Speaker 3: as well, and I'm sure many of our listeners feel
Speaker 3: the same exact way.
Speaker 4: And not to say he like a dude bro.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it was always like either. I mean there were
Speaker 2: different ways we experimented with the character that like there
Speaker 2: was a part of him that was in selly and
Speaker 2: then there was a part of him that was just
Speaker 2: like a dude bro, because like, hostility from comedians comes
Speaker 2: in different forms. But either way, it's when I'm saying
Speaker 2: bad things to myself, what is my inner voice, and
Speaker 2: my inner voice is the men who I perceived as
Speaker 2: funnier being like that's a fucking joke. Okay, I guess
Speaker 2: you could technically call that a joke. That's my inner
Speaker 2: hateful voice is those are those guys, is being judged
Speaker 2: by those guys, being judged by those guys, and them
Speaker 2: seeing that I am a fraud. Honestly, I mean, it's
Speaker 2: it's like, it's it's I still have, after all these years,
Speaker 2: a little bit of imposter syndrome of like, I'm very
Speaker 2: sensitive and my my first writer's room and experiences I
Speaker 2: had around that time was like there would be these
Speaker 2: guys who just got really really tough and smart, and
Speaker 2: they were great joke writers, but comedy was a way
Speaker 2: to assert dominance over other people, you know, And I've
Speaker 2: just I've never been good at like being insulted and
Speaker 2: coming back with an insult. I'm also not a club comic,
Speaker 2: so that's the thing is I didn't get I haven't
Speaker 2: been hardened by I've always been like an old comic
Speaker 2: UCB TV writer, so I haven't been hardened by like
Speaker 2: drunk people in clubs throwing beers at me in a
Speaker 2: way that might have made me tougher and better at
Speaker 2: like insults and comebacks.
Speaker 1: That's interesting.
Speaker 3: I mean, I would think that because you're assembling lots
Speaker 3: of different writers rooms, because you've had multiple shows.
Speaker 2: I've only had I've only had one so far.
Speaker 1: Really, yeah, well you have a new show that you
Speaker 1: just announced.
Speaker 2: Is it's a pilot, but but it makes me look
Speaker 2: really good.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Well, I feel like you need to believe that you
Speaker 3: are good because I believe.
Speaker 2: I'm sorry, I'm I'm underplaying things and I don't know
Speaker 2: why you're right?
Speaker 1: But what was the Crazy Ex Girlfriend? You were doing
Speaker 1: something that was I.
Speaker 2: Was a TV writer and I was like auditioning and
Speaker 2: I was doing shows at UCB.
Speaker 1: Were you a star and something? Or on TV?
Speaker 5: It is?
Speaker 3: Oh, is that how I got to know you? It
Speaker 3: was something before Crazy Ex Girl? It was my YouTube
Speaker 3: I was doing like YouTube Okay, okay, so that's how
Speaker 3: I got to know.
Speaker 2: But I want to assemble. I have a couple of
Speaker 2: TV things in the works where I would love to
Speaker 2: be able to assemble another writer's room. I love being
Speaker 2: in a writer's room.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and I love.
Speaker 2: To have another another show. I have a couple of
Speaker 2: shows like in the works. Yeah. It's always funny what
Speaker 2: we decide to like announce and not announce because everyone
Speaker 2: you know, like everyone is working on. If our careers
Speaker 2: were judged by effort, everyone would be number one on IMDb. Right,
Speaker 2: everyone has like a thousand things going on. It's just okay,
Speaker 2: are you Are you then fortunate to get to that
Speaker 2: next level and have it actually like, for lack of
Speaker 2: a better term, count.
Speaker 1: Right, because it doesn't.
Speaker 3: And I also conversely, the stuff is true, like sometimes
Speaker 3: when you announce certain things you know that that aren't
Speaker 3: necessarily sure a thing, it's like, oh, we're gonna announce,
Speaker 3: you know. I don't like the announcements of things. I
Speaker 3: like just putting things out there.
Speaker 2: You know, me too, me too, and this like like
Speaker 2: the show we just announced to my husband and I
Speaker 2: have a show with.
Speaker 1: ABC graduate getting a hush thank you.
Speaker 2: So it's so funny because I was just listening to
Speaker 2: your interview with Sharon Horgan, who I just have been
Speaker 2: obsessed with. I'd love her so much. Another just brilliant
Speaker 2: and also kind person and actually Catastrophe. It made me
Speaker 2: realize I want to rewatch Catastrophe for the show that
Speaker 2: I'm doing right now. The fuck was I gonna, oh, oh,
Speaker 2: you're talking about divorce and I am so you know,
Speaker 2: for all of my like I'm fucking crazy, and I
Speaker 2: talk about my asshole and Dix I've been with the
Speaker 2: same guy. Those are the two wildest things. I've been
Speaker 2: with the same guy for about sixteen years. Wow, I'm
Speaker 2: a child bride, very sixteen years. How old were you
Speaker 2: when you met him? We we were friends since I
Speaker 2: was eighteen, in the comedy community, because the comedy community is,
Speaker 2: you know, incestuous. And then we started dating when I
Speaker 2: was twenty one.
Speaker 1: So you were only friends for the first few years.
Speaker 3: I mean we made out once and then what happened
Speaker 3: that what happened that you guys got together?
Speaker 2: Well, I dated a bunch of his friends. That's always
Speaker 2: a good way to get his attention, yes, and then
Speaker 2: we just realized we really liked being together, and one
Speaker 2: day we just kissed. I mean it was actually really
Speaker 2: I was in la I was born and raised in
Speaker 2: la and so I was back visiting my parents during
Speaker 2: college before I did a theater trip to Amsterdam, and
Speaker 2: he was here for business because he was already a
Speaker 2: working TV writer, And he invited me to this barbecue
Speaker 2: at this place he was running in Santa Monica, and
Speaker 2: we like made out on the beach and like it
Speaker 2: was magical, and I went to Amsterdam and came back
Speaker 2: and we started dating for real and we've just been
Speaker 2: together ever since. That's cute. It's really square. I would
Speaker 2: have never my emotions around love were so volatile and
Speaker 2: the people I went four were so fucking weird. Before him,
Speaker 2: I would have never thought that I would be this
Speaker 2: person in a monogamous relationship for so long. But here
Speaker 2: I am. Why do you think?
Speaker 3: Why were you why was your relationship with other men
Speaker 3: like so volatile? Or why were you attracted to those
Speaker 3: types of men? I mean, I did the same thing,
Speaker 3: but I'm curious.
Speaker 2: I liked the thrill of the chase and I liked
Speaker 2: I mean, if I'm going to get like psychological about it,
Speaker 2: I liked the feeling of the thrill of the chase.
Speaker 2: It was the greatest drug. Love was my first serious crush.
Speaker 2: Started when I was in about third grade, and I
Speaker 2: remember the emotions that I have. It's my friend Zach.
Speaker 2: He knows all about it. The emotions that I had
Speaker 2: for Zach from third through seventh grade were as real,
Speaker 2: and when I say real, they were as passionate and
Speaker 2: all consuming as anything I ever felt as an adult.
Speaker 2: From a very young age. And there's a term because
Speaker 2: on Crazy Ex Girlfriend, it was a show kind of
Speaker 2: all about obsessive love, and so there's this term called limerens,
Speaker 2: which is like the sign. Have you heard of this term?
Speaker 2: I love it, love it. It's like the scientific term
Speaker 2: for obsession, and it's what being in love is. And
Speaker 2: I'm a very I was always a very limerent person,
Speaker 2: and so I would go from guy to guy who
Speaker 2: was like emotionally unavailable, and also like I feel like
Speaker 2: I went for I feel like I still like my type.
Speaker 2: You know you hear you like go for people who
Speaker 2: are like your parents. I have two types. I have
Speaker 2: one type who kind of looks like a male version
Speaker 2: of my mom, so like very very lanky and skinny.
Speaker 2: And then there's a type that's the male version of
Speaker 2: my dad, which is like stocky and funny, and that's
Speaker 2: the guy I'm with right now. But like, really, if
Speaker 2: you broke them down, it's either I go for my
Speaker 2: mom or I.
Speaker 3: Go for that's finny because people don't talk about a
Speaker 3: lot or enough. I guess about going for your mom
Speaker 3: because that's got to big be a thing too. Yeahcho somatically,
Speaker 3: like there's got to be something where you are drawn
Speaker 3: to the people who remind you of your mother.
Speaker 2: It's the first love of your parents are the first
Speaker 2: love of your life. And I see it my daughter
Speaker 2: now where she this is when she was like two,
Speaker 2: she notes star wedding rings and she said, oh are
Speaker 2: you what are those? We said, their wedding rings, and
Speaker 2: she's like, what's that? We're married because we love each other,
Speaker 2: and she goes, I love you, I love Mama, I
Speaker 2: want mama and I and I get it. And I
Speaker 2: was like really flattered, and I was like, hopefully the
Speaker 2: laws will change. No, I didn't say that, but I
Speaker 2: get it, like the laws will go back one hundred
Speaker 2: and fifty years.
Speaker 5: Yes.
Speaker 2: Yes, it is weird having a kid because it is
Speaker 2: being in almost platonic love. Like I can't it's really
Speaker 2: hard to explain, but I get that feeling of like, oh, I.
Speaker 1: Want to marry I want to be with you forever.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's just the feeling of like you just like
Speaker 2: want to be around that person. I feel like we
Speaker 2: all kind of have that a little bit DNA wise
Speaker 2: with our parents maybe, but anyway, So the other thing
Speaker 2: I've learned about Limerens, which I find really interesting.
Speaker 1: So is it just the act of being in love
Speaker 1: or isn't there another deaf and there's it's.
Speaker 2: Kind of what's happening to what's happening to your body?
Speaker 3: I was going to look at it because I want
Speaker 3: to read it to our listeners, because this word keeps
Speaker 3: coming up.
Speaker 2: I was on Bittion with my.
Speaker 3: British girlfriend and she was used and she used that
Speaker 3: word and I was like, oh, yes, I remember hearing
Speaker 3: it and being like, I was fascinated by this word
Speaker 3: because it kind of has a broader meaning.
Speaker 4: But so it's the state of being infatuated or obsessed
Speaker 4: with another person, typically experienced involuntarily and characterized by a
Speaker 4: strong desire for reciprocation of one's feelings, but not primarily
Speaker 4: for a sexual relationship.
Speaker 3: Yes, so okay, oh that's interesting.
Speaker 2: Like in love platonically, I mean for me, inlimerance, other
Speaker 2: than like child platonic love is the only child platonic.
Speaker 1: Love, child marriage, childmates.
Speaker 2: To be clear, I am not in limeerns with my child.
Speaker 2: But yeah, that's interesting that it says like it's platonic,
Speaker 2: that it's all I mean for me. That wasn't necessarily
Speaker 2: the case because I'm so fucking straight. But the interesting
Speaker 2: thing is like when you look at what's happening to
Speaker 2: you yourself chemically. And the woman who studied this was
Speaker 2: named Helen Fisher, and she just recently, but she studied
Speaker 2: being in love and they basically scanned people's brains while
Speaker 2: they were in limeerents and what they found was a
Speaker 2: couple things. And I might be butchering this, so sorry
Speaker 2: for any love scientists out there. I believe that when
Speaker 2: you're in love, you're serotonin plummets, which is like your
Speaker 2: well being chemical which also I have generalized anxiety disorder.
Speaker 2: I already have low serotonin. That's what prozac does. It
Speaker 2: helps my neurons transfer serotonin. So before I was on prozac,
Speaker 2: I already have low ass serotonin. Suddenly I fall in love.
Speaker 2: Whatever serotonin is left is fucking gone, and that's like
Speaker 2: you're well being. Okay, I'm good, I'm I'm happy right now, right,
Speaker 2: So that's fucking gone. When you think of this person,
Speaker 2: they flood you with dopamine, which is like already addictive,
Speaker 2: but if you have no serotonin, you need that person
Speaker 2: in order to feel good. And so it's close to
Speaker 2: like being on cocaine or like OCD, which I've also experienced.
Speaker 2: And so that kind of obsessive mind, that involuntary obsession
Speaker 2: of feeling like your brain is being hacked by a
Speaker 2: dark love force is how I really lived a lot
Speaker 2: of my life. And I think it took a lot
Speaker 2: of learning from those toxic relationships and sometimes unreciprocated situations
Speaker 2: to really make me, I don't know, like find myself
Speaker 2: in a really healthy but wonderful relationship and I fell
Speaker 2: in love with him still, but luckily I fell in
Speaker 2: love with a healthy in a healthy win. Well that tracks.
Speaker 3: I mean, most of us when we're younger, you know,
Speaker 3: go after the wrong things, like we were not focused
Speaker 3: on what we want.
Speaker 1: We're focused on the way we feel and when as
Speaker 1: we mature.
Speaker 3: I mean, it doesn't sound like you were that old,
Speaker 3: but you seem to have a good grasp on you know,
Speaker 3: what you wanted, And because knowing someone for several years
Speaker 3: actually is a big benefit to understanding somebody and making
Speaker 3: an educated, responsible, why down responsible decision and your special
Speaker 3: You talk a lot about your fear of losing your
Speaker 3: dog when you were pregnant, which I find so funny.
Speaker 3: Why were you because your dog was old. Is that
Speaker 3: why you thought he was gonna die?
Speaker 5: Yes?
Speaker 2: And she's a she now just turned what we think
Speaker 2: she turned fifteen. She's a rescue, so we don't know.
Speaker 2: I was just with her this morning. It made life
Speaker 2: and death. It made the cycle of life and death
Speaker 2: very real to me. And I'd had little existential crises.
Speaker 2: I'm taking off my shoes. I'd had little toastpacers. Do
Speaker 2: you want to put them on?
Speaker 1: I don't. It seems like you might want you put
Speaker 1: on toasts.
Speaker 3: When you're not any pedicure. They're not those kinds of toastpacers.
Speaker 3: I have the start of what is a little bunyonette,
Speaker 3: and so in order I'm calling it that to make
Speaker 3: it sound more delicate than what it is.
Speaker 1: I love it.
Speaker 3: And you put on these really well, mine are black,
Speaker 3: so they're not you know. And you put them in
Speaker 3: between your toes so that so when your toes get
Speaker 3: a bunyan they start to your fiat starts to narrow,
Speaker 3: and you want to keep your toes spread out.
Speaker 1: So I put them on to keep my toes out
Speaker 1: so that my foot it is working.
Speaker 2: It's not fucking working.
Speaker 1: My cousin said to me, the other day.
Speaker 3: I don't wear those. They're so stupid. And you've never
Speaker 3: even spoken to a doctor about it. I'm like, I
Speaker 3: am a doctor, and they are working. My toes are
Speaker 3: starting to spread out, so I think everything's going.
Speaker 1: To be fine for my bunionette. Let me see your feet.
Speaker 2: They're very nice. Yeah, I'm very narrowly. Yeah, but who's aren't.
Speaker 1: Yeah. I always like, yeah, what is that because we're
Speaker 1: walking on them.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's what it is, or in my case, rollerblading
Speaker 3: to every meeting I have.
Speaker 2: That's so fucking cool.
Speaker 1: I know, thank you? So what what?
Speaker 4: Yes?
Speaker 2: So it made life and death real. There was something
Speaker 2: first of all, like when I was pregnant, I was
Speaker 2: really nauseous for the first four months, and it made
Speaker 2: me depressed and I and it's like a chicken or
Speaker 2: egg thing where like I can't tell if I was
Speaker 2: depressed because I was nauseous or if I was depressed anyway,
Speaker 2: but I would have these waves of nausea, and with
Speaker 2: the nausea came emotions and kind of an anxiety and
Speaker 2: depression because it's just your hormones are going fucking nuts.
Speaker 2: And there was something that happened where time I might
Speaker 2: say it in especial, but like time basically became very
Speaker 2: real that suddenly I was picturing I was not only
Speaker 2: looking at these apps that was like, okay, your babies
Speaker 2: three weeks, five weeks, you know, ten weeks, fifteen weeks
Speaker 2: or whatever, but also I was you know, you start
Speaker 2: to think about preschools, and then you start to go, okay,
Speaker 2: well what public school district I'm in? And you start
Speaker 2: thinking about your life in a concrete way that you
Speaker 2: you don't otherwise do. And I think that being in
Speaker 2: entertainment and comedy kind of flattens out age in a
Speaker 2: real way, like I never really know how old anyone
Speaker 2: is because everyone kind of seems anyway. I don't know
Speaker 2: it it keeps people young, Yeah, that's true, it really does.
Speaker 2: And so it was one of the first times in
Speaker 2: life that I really started to think about grown up,
Speaker 2: grown up stuff in the future in that concrete way
Speaker 2: of like what school is she going to go to?
Speaker 2: How are we going to save for college? And it
Speaker 2: suddenly put time and and everything to do with time.
Speaker 2: It made it, It made it like too real. It
Speaker 2: felt like I was suddenly on mushrooms. And then I
Speaker 2: just thought about my dog because at a certain point
Speaker 2: picturing my dog at age five, at age six seventy eight,
Speaker 2: a certain point, the dog's not going to be there,
Speaker 2: and it just made me so sad. Yeah, I can imagine.
Speaker 3: It just made me think, like what if children were
Speaker 3: only here for a short period of time? Like that's
Speaker 3: what I just started thinking about when you started saying
Speaker 3: that about dogs, Like what if we only had children
Speaker 3: for ten or fifteen years? I mean, can you imagine
Speaker 3: they would That would make the dog thing seem so easy.
Speaker 3: I don't have an end of life thing with my dogs,
Speaker 3: like I accept it because they're all rescues. I always
Speaker 3: get them halfway through their life anyway, or in Doug's case,
Speaker 3: my most recent acquisition, he was nine months and that's
Speaker 3: the youngest dog I've ever gotten. So that's just a
Speaker 3: huge advantage for me because I know I'm going to
Speaker 3: get a good ten years out of him, you know.
Speaker 1: But whenever my dogs have left.
Speaker 3: It's interesting that you talk about that because you know,
Speaker 3: obviously I've never had a full term pregnancy, but to
Speaker 3: think about the thoughts that you would have about death
Speaker 3: and when you're about to give birth, because I find
Speaker 3: that those two things dovetail quite often in lives, like
Speaker 3: you lose a father or a loved one right.
Speaker 2: Before somebody has a baby.
Speaker 3: That's always seems to be a very common occurrence, and
Speaker 3: so I could see why it would bring up all
Speaker 3: those thoughts.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, it's primal, it's bloody, it's it's all.
Speaker 2: It's first breath, last breath. We're all just we all
Speaker 2: just come from like goo and muck and come and
Speaker 2: come like it's all. I was in Atlanta, because everything
Speaker 2: films in Atlanta. My husband was doing something in Atlanta,
Speaker 2: and I was walking around and there was like a
Speaker 2: kind of swampy place that was teeming with life, and
Speaker 2: it also stunk, and I was like, this is life.
Speaker 2: Life is just stinky goo. And the stinkier and gooier
Speaker 2: the more it's filled with all sorts of life. And
Speaker 2: that's what life is, right, We're all just like stinky
Speaker 2: piles of goo, and so giving birth is a stinky pile.
Speaker 2: And then also like you know, carrying, you know, when
Speaker 2: you're pregnant, the stuff that starts coming out of your vagina,
Speaker 2: and I mean the smells, like your vagina starts smelling
Speaker 2: and it's just but that's it's life, you know, and
Speaker 2: like when you're ovulating, Like there have you ever looked
Speaker 2: at like pictures of cervixes.
Speaker 1: I actually have seen it.
Speaker 3: It's really interesting, right that, Like, I mean, I don't
Speaker 3: know if I could pick one out of a lineup,
Speaker 3: but I have seen them. Yeah, they're like it's like
Speaker 3: they look like little wet buttholes as opposed to a
Speaker 3: dry butthole, as opposed to a drive a little dry buttle,
Speaker 3: and they're like pink. But what's interesting is when a
Speaker 3: person with a cervix is like fertile, it's like covered
Speaker 3: in gunk. It's like gooey, it's like meant to be gooey.
Speaker 3: And when it's like dry, it's just past your period,
Speaker 3: when like you're not meant to take in sperm and so.
Speaker 2: Like it's all just like blood and goo and death.
Speaker 2: And I think there's a line, oh, Summer in Smoke.
Speaker 2: I think it's a Tennessee William the Tennessee Ones play.
Speaker 2: The lead of that show is studying to be a
Speaker 2: medical student, and he's saying to the other, to the
Speaker 2: woman in the show, Alma, he's saying, like he's pulling
Speaker 2: down an anatomy picture and he's like, this is what
Speaker 2: we are. We're and I'm paraphrase, but he's like, we're
Speaker 2: just meet, we're just good, We're just disgusting on the inside.
Speaker 2: And that's like that's what pregnancy really mired me in.
Speaker 2: And then I actually gave birth and saw I mean,
Speaker 2: I'll never forget, like looking across the way there's like
Speaker 2: a giant mirror in the room where I gave birth
Speaker 2: and seeing the sight of like after I gave birth,
Speaker 2: my open vagina with the placenta at the surface and
Speaker 2: still seeing a little bit of the umbilical core coming
Speaker 2: out of it. I remember what that looked like. It's gross,
Speaker 2: it's fucking weird, it's but it's life.
Speaker 3: My cousin just gave birth and her asshole was inside
Speaker 3: out once she got done giving birth, like inside out,
Speaker 3: and my cousin other cousin was describing it to me,
Speaker 3: and I'm like, I just can't picture exactly what that
Speaker 3: looks like. And she's like, don't worry about it, but
Speaker 3: like her vagina lips her inside of her vagina, just
Speaker 3: on the table lying there, and it's like, oh my god,
Speaker 3: it's so treacherous to even think about.
Speaker 2: Oh I've only had one, but my vagina. Are you
Speaker 2: gonna have more babies? I think I'm just one and done.
Speaker 2: But I now there's a Sea Monster aesthetic with my vagina.
Speaker 1: Now from Sea Monster.
Speaker 2: There's there's like a little bit of prolapse with it,
Speaker 2: where like if you look at my vagina, it's like
Speaker 2: it just looks like someone going.
Speaker 5: Is what it is?
Speaker 2: And I've asked, I asked doctor like is normal and
Speaker 2: she's like, here, You're fine. It's just you pushed a
Speaker 2: huge thing out of your vagina.
Speaker 3: So it's just like, so back to male comics speaking
Speaker 3: of that, So what is your experience so when you're
Speaker 3: doing because you're doing stand up now, I mean obviously
Speaker 3: you're special, you're doing stand up. How is your experience
Speaker 3: been dealing with men in the stand up world?
Speaker 2: Really? I think that they're a lot nicer. I think
Speaker 2: generally the culture has gotten a lot nicer. And also
Speaker 2: I'm coming into these spaces now with some acclaim.
Speaker 1: Right, which changes how people treat you.
Speaker 2: Like it's I don't even know if the way I've
Speaker 2: interacted with certain toxic people is gender. I think it's
Speaker 2: some people are just shitty to everyone, Like I can't
Speaker 2: really parse out how much of it is because I'm
Speaker 2: a girl, and how much of it is just because
Speaker 2: I was. You know, when you're low on the totem
Speaker 2: pole and you're clearly insecure, you're just an easy punching bag.
Speaker 2: So now if I come into a comedy space I
Speaker 2: have there's a certain amount of power that I have.
Speaker 2: And maybe it's that I carry myself with more confidence,
Speaker 2: or it's just people aren't as mean.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think that's an important thing to recognize as
Speaker 3: a woman, Like for everyone who's listening who people call
Speaker 3: in all the time asking like how do you get confident?
Speaker 2: Or how do you you know, I always want to
Speaker 2: inject to everybody with confidence because it is true. Like
Speaker 2: sometimes you do have to fake it because you can
Speaker 2: smell insecurity on people and that's not a quality that
Speaker 2: you want to be putting forward. So even if you
Speaker 2: have to fake being confident, whatever you think that might be,
Speaker 2: or if you're mimicking someone else you know that's confident,
Speaker 2: like that is a worthwhile endeavor because I do believe
Speaker 2: in faking it until you make it.
Speaker 1: I do believe that if you act the.
Speaker 3: Part, like you know, I pretended I was wealthy and successful.
Speaker 3: Long before I was, I was waiting tables and taking
Speaker 3: people out to dinner, like I've got the tab.
Speaker 1: They're like, you're a waitress. I'm like, Oh, don't worry,
Speaker 1: I've got money coming.
Speaker 3: Like I believe that about myself and it turned out
Speaker 3: to be true.
Speaker 1: And I really do believe in faking it until you
Speaker 1: make it.
Speaker 3: I do believe that in all areas, not just confidence
Speaker 3: and not just career, but in all areas, Like I'm
Speaker 3: going to have a successful relationship, a romantic relationship. If
Speaker 3: that's what you want, you have to act like that's
Speaker 3: what's going to happen.
Speaker 2: I guess what I wish i'd tried doing with some
Speaker 2: of these guys early in my career is I wish
Speaker 2: I would have been like, hey, can we get lunch,
Speaker 2: and then just at lunch, and this is a very
Speaker 2: female thing, been like I think you're so funny, like
Speaker 2: just I'd love to talk to you more about it.
Speaker 2: And because that way then they can't bully someone or
Speaker 2: maybe they still can. Who like took them out to
Speaker 2: lunch and was like, yeah, you know, I'm still learning,
Speaker 2: like anything any help. It's a very indirect female way
Speaker 2: to deal with the problem. But like, I wish I'd
Speaker 2: tried killing them with kindness more just to see what
Speaker 2: would have happened.
Speaker 3: I mean, it's interesting to think about that, but again
Speaker 3: I feel like that's like that's us having to give
Speaker 3: them and to assuage their ego to make them like us.
Speaker 2: And it's like, fuck you.
Speaker 3: I get what you're saying, but I also am like, no, no, no,
Speaker 3: I'm not going out of my way. I deserve as
Speaker 3: much as respect as anyone standing here, even before I
Speaker 3: was successful, just because just because it takes so much
Speaker 3: guts to do what we do. You know, you have
Speaker 3: to be brave. It's already you're already dealing with a
Speaker 3: live audience. Now I need people behind the scenes being
Speaker 3: assholes too.
Speaker 2: So on stage, I have that courage that you're talking about.
Speaker 2: Or is there something that happens when I'm on stage
Speaker 2: that I'm like, yeah, I fucking belong here. Off stage,
Speaker 2: I don't. I'm wildly more sensitive. Yeah, it's just like
Speaker 2: who I am, and it's something I'm actively still working on.
Speaker 3: Well, because I don't think you can change the fact
Speaker 3: that you're sensitive, but you can change your reaction to
Speaker 3: your sensitivity.
Speaker 1: Yeah, right.
Speaker 2: Yeah. What I'm working on too is beating myself up
Speaker 2: less for being sensitive because of not Because that's what's
Speaker 2: bad is when you're sensitive and then you go, why
Speaker 2: why the fuck you letting this bother? You're such a
Speaker 2: you're such a fucking idiot. Now you're sensitive and you're
Speaker 2: calling yourself fucking idiot. Of course, you know, it's like
Speaker 2: internet comments being the best example of like, don't read
Speaker 2: Internet comments, and it's like, well, great, now I'm telling
Speaker 2: myself don't read Internet comments, and I feel sensitive. So
Speaker 2: it's like berating yourself doesn't help.
Speaker 1: No, it does not help. You have to be talking
Speaker 1: very positively to yourself.
Speaker 3: We all do, yeah, especially now, you know, during this
Speaker 3: kind of period of time we're all living in where
Speaker 3: we don't know what the fuck the world is going
Speaker 3: to come to, at least the world that we knew.
Speaker 3: You know, we grew up in America, we thought like
Speaker 3: democracy is a thing that is indestructible, and now we're like,
Speaker 3: oh my god, if any of these people, you know,
Speaker 3: like these cabinet pigs go through, what happens to the FBI,
Speaker 3: what happens to all of our you know, government agencies,
Speaker 3: And you're like what I know to be true might
Speaker 3: not be true at all, or might not be true
Speaker 3: for very much longer.
Speaker 2: I mean when Whmber when the biggest news was the
Speaker 2: President got a blowjob and stuck a cigar up someone's.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Hue, Yeah, I remember that.
Speaker 2: Was the biggest news. That's how I found out what
Speaker 2: blowjobs were.
Speaker 3: All I remember thinking about that was I remember when
Speaker 3: that story came out, and I thought, now, because every
Speaker 3: father knows their daughter is being sexually active, but they're
Speaker 3: not thinking about it. They're putting it to the back
Speaker 3: of their mind. They're like, I don't want to think
Speaker 3: about them, and I'm certainly not going to envision my
Speaker 3: daughter sucking someone's dick. And then poor Monica Leuminsky's father
Speaker 3: knew for sure that her daughter was giving a blowjob
Speaker 3: and knew that about the cigar, Like, I could not
Speaker 3: get that out of my head. I think the first
Speaker 3: time I met Monica, no, I think I knew I
Speaker 3: was smart enough not to tell her that. Anyway, She's
Speaker 3: coming on the podcast soon and we can talk to her.
Speaker 2: I'm such a fan. Also, my dad went was law school.
Speaker 2: He knew someone involved in the case at the time,
Speaker 2: and at the time, I was like eleven, and I'd
Speaker 2: met the guy like a couple times before. I think
Speaker 2: he was really close with my dad when I was younger,
Speaker 2: and he said something to my dad like, you know,
Speaker 2: I was very close with Monica's family, and obviously if
Speaker 2: anything like this were to ever with Rachel, it helped out.
Speaker 2: My dad was like, Oh, my my eleven year old son,
Speaker 2: you're saying, if my eleven year old daughter ever sucks
Speaker 2: the president's cop. I don't know why I know this story,
Speaker 2: but it's been something I've wanted to talk to Monica.
Speaker 3: I want to tell something that Monica said to me.
Speaker 3: I was we were at a friend's house the other
Speaker 3: night and Monica was there and she said this, and
Speaker 3: I think I think she wouldn't mind me sharing this.
Speaker 3: She said when she had the opportunity to vote for
Speaker 3: Hillary Clinton in twenty sixteen, not only did she take it,
Speaker 3: but after she voted for her, she started to make
Speaker 3: plans to move to England because she knew that this
Speaker 3: wasn't going to be a great place for her to
Speaker 3: live with Hillary Clinton as the president. Not that Hillary
Speaker 3: Clinton was threatening her in any way, but just societally speaking,
Speaker 3: being the woman that did that in such a public way,
Speaker 3: and now Hillary Clinton was the President of the United States.
Speaker 3: She just thought she would be safer in the UK
Speaker 3: and at the same time cast her ballot for Hillary Clinton.
Speaker 1: And I got.
Speaker 3: Doosbussed when she told me that, because I was like, Wow,
Speaker 3: what a fucking predicament, you know, what a thing to
Speaker 3: have to do and a thing to have to consider.
Speaker 3: On that note, we're going to take a break and
Speaker 3: we're going to be right back with Rachel Bloom.
Speaker 1: And we're back with Rachel Bloom.
Speaker 4: We are back, and we're going to take some colors
Speaker 4: and some emails.
Speaker 1: We're giving advice. Yes, okay, are you ready?
Speaker 2: Yep?
Speaker 4: All right. We'll start with an email. This comes from Jen.
Speaker 4: Jen says dear Chelsea, longtime listener, first time writer. My
Speaker 4: husband and I, both in our mid forties, have been
Speaker 4: married for ten years. We have one son together, and
Speaker 4: he has a son from a previous relationship, so two kids.
Speaker 4: We have started the divorce process and hope for it
Speaker 4: to be final in the spring. We haven't told the
Speaker 4: kids and we'll wait until we know what's happening with
Speaker 4: the house, etc. We're still living under one roof and
Speaker 4: are mostly cordial. It's never been a real outwardly affectionate relationship,
Speaker 4: so not many changes there. Here's the deal. He soon
Speaker 4: to be X has not told his parents. They're in
Speaker 4: their eighties and his dad is not doing so great
Speaker 4: but okay enough that he's still at home with his
Speaker 4: wife as his primary caregiver. They live close enough to
Speaker 4: us that their family gathers on short notice about once
Speaker 4: a week. I've been able to avoid these gatherings or
Speaker 4: stop by for a couple of minutes with an excuse
Speaker 4: to get out of there. Our anniversary gross was a
Speaker 4: couple of weeks ago. This past weekend and my soon
Speaker 4: to be ex asked if I would stop by their
Speaker 4: house so they could give us an anniversary card. I declined.
Speaker 4: My issue is that I'm starting to look like an
Speaker 4: asshole because their son is lying to them. My soon
Speaker 4: to be X says he's not telling them because of
Speaker 4: their health conditions. My friend and family circle know the
Speaker 4: details of what is going on, as I don't lie
Speaker 4: to those that I'm close with. Am I wrong for
Speaker 4: declining all of the family interaction? Do I go along
Speaker 4: with this lie? What sort of family acts like this?
Speaker 4: Love your show, Jen Boy?
Speaker 2: You go first. That's a really unfair situation to be
Speaker 2: put in. Absolutely, I don't know how sick his parents are,
Speaker 2: Like there's a parson that's like, is there a different
Speaker 2: lie he could tell? So that that doesn't involve you
Speaker 2: because like you can't control that he's lying. Well, you
Speaker 2: can't control is like I'm not participating. So can he
Speaker 2: say that you're going through a mental health thing and
Speaker 2: he doesn't want to discuss it. But you'll be a
Speaker 2: little But I don't know the victim of that lie? No,
Speaker 2: you're right, you're right, I mean I guess he's Look,
Speaker 2: the solution is just fucking tell his parents.
Speaker 1: Well, also I would just this is another mel Robbins.
Speaker 3: Let them let him, let him lie all he wants,
Speaker 3: but do not participate in is lying?
Speaker 1: Fuck off?
Speaker 2: Like a people are is there your ex in laws? Now?
Speaker 2: Like people are sick all the time.
Speaker 3: Also, by the way, like yes, I was gonna say,
Speaker 3: I was gonna say the same thing, how sick are they?
Speaker 1: But also that's not your problem. Your marriage is ending.
Speaker 1: You need closure. Everyone needs to know about it.
Speaker 4: They're going to find out.
Speaker 3: They're going to find out, and you don't want to
Speaker 3: be an asshole for participating in the lie. You know,
Speaker 3: So I would say extricate yourself from that and let
Speaker 3: him tell them and say you're not doing anything anymore
Speaker 3: with them, and if they.
Speaker 2: Think you're or if he doesn't, if he's still lying
Speaker 2: and they just think you're a bitch, then like, okay,
Speaker 2: they're not your in laws anymore.
Speaker 3: Or you can also say hey, if you don't tell them,
Speaker 3: I will, but then that puts the onus on you,
Speaker 3: and you don't need that kind of onus to have
Speaker 3: to tell them, because what if he doesn't tell them
Speaker 3: and then you do have to tell them, you can
Speaker 3: threaten to do that, and then when he doesn't tell them,
Speaker 3: just you know, just I don't know.
Speaker 1: Hopefully kids know, right, No.
Speaker 4: The kids don't know because they're ready to see what
Speaker 4: happens with the house. I feel like that might be
Speaker 4: the turning point here.
Speaker 2: That's when you can start being like fuck it if
Speaker 2: the kids know.
Speaker 3: But there's no obligation to participate in seeing his parents
Speaker 3: all the time. Just just say you're not yeah, whatever,
Speaker 3: like whatever you need to say. But you also don't
Speaker 3: have to lie for other people. And I'm sick of
Speaker 3: people wanting you to participate in their lives.
Speaker 4: I mean, at some point the parents are going to
Speaker 4: be like, do we do something wrong that you're not
Speaker 4: coming over? And at that point it's like, we're getting
Speaker 4: a divorce.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but there's not tell you it's not your problem
Speaker 2: unless they call her specifically, and at which point she
Speaker 2: could be like, yeah, we're getting divorced, exactly right.
Speaker 1: I thought he told you.
Speaker 2: But if they just think you're an asshole, that's not
Speaker 2: your problem. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you won't be dealing with them for very long anyway,
Speaker 1: if you're getting divorced.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I would have assumed your son would have told you.
Speaker 4: I think is the line after.
Speaker 1: Like, oh no, we're problem solved.
Speaker 4: There you go, all right, Well, our next caller Maya Wrights.
Speaker 4: Dear Chelsea. I probably don't need to explain why dating
Speaker 4: as an Israeli American has been daunting and scary this year.
Speaker 4: I barely identify as Jewish. My mom has to tell
Speaker 4: me when all the holidays are and to show up
Speaker 4: for dinner. But your nationality, of course, is something that's
Speaker 4: hard to hide. Before this year, my dual nationality was
Speaker 4: something I was more than happy to share up front,
Speaker 4: because it's a core part of my upbringing, but now
Speaker 4: I feel like I have to hide it because who
Speaker 4: knows who's on the other side of these dating apps.
Speaker 4: I'm a bleeding liberal too, so it's a higher chance
Speaker 4: that the like minded liberals I'm seeking are also anti Israel.
Speaker 4: I'm fully American passing since I grew up in the US,
Speaker 4: so I can, of course just not mention it when
Speaker 4: chatting in an app. But honestly, it's such an emotional
Speaker 4: issue for people right now, I do not want to
Speaker 4: be the recipient of someone's misdirected rage. Dating is already
Speaker 4: brutal enough, and this has tipped me over the edge
Speaker 4: towards just giving up. I've tried putting Jewish filter on
Speaker 4: the apps, but I live in Texas, so after swiping
Speaker 4: through the five Jewish men, I see no one is left.
Speaker 5: There.
Speaker 4: Also, isn't a Jewish organization I've been able to find
Speaker 4: to meet people in real life that's not religious. I'm agnostic.
Speaker 4: I'm really happy on my own and live close to
Speaker 4: family and great friends, so moving for the sake of
Speaker 4: dating really is of no interest to me. I don't
Speaker 4: at all feel desperate for a relationship, but I do
Speaker 4: want to find my person and it doesn't seem like
Speaker 4: the geopolitical circumstances are going to change anytime soon. I
Speaker 4: guess the gist of my question is, if I don't
Speaker 4: want to shut myself off to a wider pool of
Speaker 4: non Jewish men in an already challenging dating world, how
Speaker 4: can I approach dating in an open and optimistic way
Speaker 4: that still preserves my emotional safety instead of out of fear?
Speaker 4: Any advice? Maybe your one straight, single, agnostic Jewish man
Speaker 4: or his sisters are listening, Maya.
Speaker 1: Well, hopefully they are listening.
Speaker 2: Hi, Maya.
Speaker 3: Hi, Hi, this is our special guest, Rachel Blue is
Speaker 3: here today.
Speaker 5: Awesome.
Speaker 3: Hi, Hi, You've got Jews in the house. So what
Speaker 3: dating apps are you on?
Speaker 5: I've kind of well, currently I'm not super active, but
Speaker 5: usually whenever I join its hinge mm hmm.
Speaker 3: And do you like present yourself as Israeli? You don't,
Speaker 3: You're just no.
Speaker 5: I used to, you know, pre last year, and now
Speaker 5: it's just kind of I don't know. It's such a
Speaker 5: polarizing topic that I don't know. I feel like it
Speaker 5: will automatically turn a lot of people away.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Absolutely, Like I don't think it's it's worth advertising you
Speaker 3: know what I mean, you don't have to be like,
Speaker 3: I'm Israel, because that almost sounds like you're only.
Speaker 1: Like you know, it makes political sea making a political.
Speaker 2: State also, and it also centers your identity in a
Speaker 2: way that like might not be relevant to you too
Speaker 2: to actually you're dating life at all. For sure. It's like, sure,
Speaker 2: if I put on a ding provle like I am
Speaker 2: of Ukrainian descent, Okay, like what I mean, what.
Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, Like I grew up in the States, and
Speaker 5: so it's like, sure, you know I have family there
Speaker 5: and I speak Hebrew, but it's not my current identity,
Speaker 5: I would say.
Speaker 3: And have you experienced men being like once they find
Speaker 3: out that you or Israel aid that, don't they don't
Speaker 3: want to date you?
Speaker 5: No. But I also honestly have just been kind of
Speaker 5: nervous to go on the apps this year. I've just
Speaker 5: been actively avoiding it. I did. I did join hine
Speaker 5: last month for like a week. I chatted with a
Speaker 5: few people, didn't mention anything, set up a few dates,
Speaker 5: and then I just ended up canceling them all because
Speaker 5: just the thought of I don't know, I made me anxious.
Speaker 3: I know, but I don't think you should catastrophize the
Speaker 3: situation because a that is not a boiling point for
Speaker 3: every single person in this world. It's it's shameful that
Speaker 3: people are blaming anyone who's from Israel for Israel's policies.
Speaker 3: And listen, this conversation is an unwinnable conversation because there
Speaker 3: this has been going on for eons and eons.
Speaker 2: You can't help who you are like, Yeah, where anyone
Speaker 2: stands like this is literally just who.
Speaker 3: You are like, and that many people in this world
Speaker 3: have no have no interest in that at all. The
Speaker 3: Palestinian Goaza, you know, the gods of conflict and Israeli
Speaker 3: gods of conflict.
Speaker 1: Many people don't even care about that. They don't understand it,
Speaker 1: they don't want to get involved.
Speaker 5: You know.
Speaker 3: I know we're dealing with this like movement that everyone
Speaker 3: you know that we're experiencing since October seventh, but that's
Speaker 3: not inclusive of the whole world. So I feel like
Speaker 3: you're projecting your worst fears onto your dating situation when
Speaker 3: it's not necessary to do that. If you go on
Speaker 3: a date with a guy, and you go out with
Speaker 3: him a couple of times, you're gonna get a sense
Speaker 3: of who he is and what he stands for, and
Speaker 3: if that's going to be something that he's staunchly against,
Speaker 3: and I would venture to guess that it won't be
Speaker 3: like it's You're not going to be only running into
Speaker 3: people that are pro Palestinian and anti Israel.
Speaker 1: Even though you're in Texas.
Speaker 3: There are still plenty of people who are not engaged
Speaker 3: in that conflict, who are not paying attention to that conflict.
Speaker 1: We're living in America, you know what I mean. There
Speaker 1: are a million things.
Speaker 3: Going on that people are interested in, and many people
Speaker 3: are not interested in politics. So I think you have
Speaker 3: to reframe the way that you're like looking into things.
Speaker 3: You don't need to represent yourself on the dating apps
Speaker 3: that way. I think what you need to do is
Speaker 3: be a little bit more open minded and try not
Speaker 3: to come from this place of fear and try to
Speaker 3: be like, you know, someone meets you three or four
Speaker 3: times and gets to know you, even if they do
Speaker 3: have strong feelings about that, they're gonna go, oh, well, wait,
Speaker 3: here's a perfect example of someone who's from Israel who
Speaker 3: is not. You know, whatever your position is, like, you're
Speaker 3: not a threat to that person. You don't have completely
Speaker 3: opposing views to that person. You probably would find that
Speaker 3: out sooner than three or four dates before you even
Speaker 3: reveal your personal life. And I feel like religion is
Speaker 3: personal and you're not even very religious. You said you're
Speaker 3: kind of agnostic, right, I mean I'm an agnostic Jew too.
Speaker 2: I relate to Jews absolutely.
Speaker 3: I was raised that way, and I'm very proud to
Speaker 3: be a Jewish person, but that doesn't preclude me from
Speaker 3: interacting with people who have different mindsets. And so give
Speaker 3: yourself a little bit more like wiggle room the dating area.
Speaker 3: You're gonna know someone and get to know someone a
Speaker 3: little bit before you even have to make that kind
Speaker 3: of decision or.
Speaker 2: Call as a fear based jew atheist jew. Two suggestions
Speaker 2: and questions. One have you considered jaswipe or does it suck?
Speaker 5: I've never actually heard of that.
Speaker 1: Maybe either, it's okay. So this is I've been.
Speaker 2: With my husband for sixteen years, so I never internet dated.
Speaker 2: So this is mom coming in. Jswipe is what I
Speaker 2: believe what Jada now is and it's its own app.
Speaker 2: If you're worried about because I get it like you're
Speaker 2: worried about just like someone coming at you for something
Speaker 2: you truly can't change about yourself. So I wonder, I
Speaker 2: just wonder about I've heard different things about jaswipe. Again,
Speaker 2: I apologize if I'm maybe I'm saying an app that
Speaker 2: is already defunked because I've never online dated. But the
Speaker 2: other thing is jswipe. The other thing is because I'm
Speaker 2: fully like an atheist. But I don't know how much
Speaker 2: you've checked out local temples and like Jewish organization, but like,
Speaker 2: and maybe this is like an LA thing, but there
Speaker 2: are some reform places that are like the God is optional.
Speaker 2: This is much more about the culture that I wonder
Speaker 2: if you did a little bit of poking around and digging,
Speaker 2: because there are certainly places like that in LA where
Speaker 2: you can fully like be an atheist and it's cool,
Speaker 2: like it's part of the culture of that place. And
Speaker 2: I wonder, I don't know what city you're at in Texas,
Speaker 2: but there are definitely places and Jewish spaces to go
Speaker 2: to that aren't just like, well, if you know, it's
Speaker 2: all about God.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I think you know, like you said, you're atheism agnostic.
Speaker 5: I think it is. I've avoided that kind of thing
Speaker 5: because to me, that is very religious centered. But you know,
Speaker 5: I don't know. I think there's one synagogue here.
Speaker 3: So yeah, But I mean, have you done research online
Speaker 3: and looked for any sort of like Jewish community stuff
Speaker 3: or Jewish dating stuff, because listen, you're not like, you're
Speaker 3: not the only Jewish person in Texas.
Speaker 1: And I guarantee you there are other people.
Speaker 3: Who are feeling the way that you're feeling that want
Speaker 3: to be congregating like with each other or dating with
Speaker 3: each other and mixing with each other.
Speaker 1: And it doesn't have to be religious based.
Speaker 3: I'm a reform Jew, like I was raised like that,
Speaker 3: and that's like, you know, it's just.
Speaker 1: Like the bare minimum of being a Jew.
Speaker 3: And it's very casual, you know, it's not like religious folk.
Speaker 1: It is culture focused.
Speaker 3: It's not as religious as like being a conservative or
Speaker 3: an orthodox Jewish person. And I understand that it can
Speaker 3: feel ostracizing, but I wouldn't give up hope that there
Speaker 3: are more communities that you just don't know about yet
Speaker 3: where you are.
Speaker 2: I bet you there's a JCC not too far. I mean,
Speaker 2: I don't know where you're at in Texas, but like
Speaker 2: a place like that that it's a Jewish Community center.
Speaker 1: That's so.
Speaker 2: I mean, I live in the most like liberal agnostic
Speaker 2: place ever, so I'm surrounded by like Jewish spaces that
Speaker 2: are very much like God optional. But I feel like
Speaker 2: if you looked, if you did a little poking even
Speaker 2: on like Reddit, maybe I bet there's some spaces where
Speaker 2: because like it's so Jewish to be agnostic, Like that's
Speaker 2: like a very like that's the trick. Is you say
Speaker 2: to any rabbi I'm an atheist, they go, oh, that's
Speaker 2: very Jewish. So I feel like there's gotta be pockets.
Speaker 2: And also, I mean side note, my cousin used to
Speaker 2: be a rabbi in Texas, so I could on the
Speaker 2: DL ask him for tips. Yeah, yeah, I could text
Speaker 2: him right after this and then just separately reach out
Speaker 2: to you and see what he says.
Speaker 5: Oh I'd love that, thank you.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 4: Yeah, And I love Expanding your area doesn't necessarily mean
Speaker 4: you have to move, Like you could have like kind
Speaker 4: of a long distance fun like flingy thing, or you
Speaker 4: know somebody that you visit here and there and that's great,
Speaker 4: or maybe somebody wants to move to where you are
Speaker 4: if it gets serious enough.
Speaker 1: You know, Yeah, expanding your area is good too.
Speaker 3: I do like that idea because I'm a big advocate
Speaker 3: of long distance relationships. I think those are more fun
Speaker 3: anyway than having somebody up your ass all day long,
Speaker 3: every day. It gives you something to look forward to,
Speaker 3: and it gives you someone to communicate with and sex
Speaker 3: with and flirt with and all that fun stuff. You know,
Speaker 3: that beginning period of relationship is the most fun part
Speaker 3: of the relationship, where you're constantly talking on the phone
Speaker 3: making plans to see each other like that is fun.
Speaker 4: And long distance extends that.
Speaker 1: Yes, it does, It does extend that.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 4: Also, I wanted to say jas Wipe Israel is the
Speaker 4: number one Jewish dating app.
Speaker 3: Oh my god, look at Rachel bloom On that way
Speaker 3: with your finger on the pulse of all Jews.
Speaker 5: I will look into that immediately after.
Speaker 3: Yeah, And just I also just really in your head,
Speaker 3: don't catastrophize the fact that you're from Israel and that
Speaker 3: you're Jewish. That's okay, that's okay, And most people who
Speaker 3: are reasonable will understand that you're not going to want
Speaker 3: to go on a second date with any guy. That's
Speaker 3: not going to understand that anyway. And also you don't
Speaker 3: have to divulge that immediately but be a little bit
Speaker 3: more like broad minded, not to the point of being naive.
Speaker 1: You know, you know what's happening in the world.
Speaker 2: We all do.
Speaker 1: We're all aware of what's going on.
Speaker 3: But just to be a little bit more open minded
Speaker 3: and give people a little bit more credit. You know,
Speaker 3: if you start to understand if you go on a
Speaker 3: couple dates with somebody that doesn't know your Israeli or
Speaker 3: they don't know your wish and.
Speaker 1: After a couple of dates, you're gonna know whether or
Speaker 1: not to share that information with them.
Speaker 4: That's a fair point.
Speaker 2: You could also try doing it on It's like hands right,
Speaker 2: you could also try doing it see what happens. I
Speaker 2: don't know if you have a close friend that like
Speaker 2: maybe you could give them your Hinge password and they
Speaker 2: could check messages for you and just be like, so
Speaker 2: what is it like? So that way you don't have
Speaker 2: to read just in cases like you start getting bombarded
Speaker 2: with stuff. Again, I've never been on apps, so I
Speaker 2: don't know what apps look like really, but like, is
Speaker 2: there like a friend that you could be like, hey,
Speaker 2: could you just I started doing this a week ago,
Speaker 2: can you just take a look through the messages? Let
Speaker 2: me know what the vibe is and they're like, I
Speaker 2: don't see anything, and then you know it's like safe
Speaker 2: and that way you haven't read a ton of terrible things.
Speaker 5: Yeah. Yeah, that's a good point. I think my main
Speaker 5: concern is, you know, if I wait two or three
Speaker 5: dates to divulge this key part of my upbringing, if
Speaker 5: even if it's not, you know, my life now to
Speaker 5: just spring it on someone a few dates in. But
Speaker 5: I get it like it is protecting myself too, you know,
Speaker 5: in getting to know someone before if I'm feeling nervous
Speaker 5: before divulging that, do.
Speaker 2: You say agnostic Jew in your profile?
Speaker 5: To be honest, I don't know. I think I put
Speaker 5: just agnostic because.
Speaker 2: If you say agnostic Jew, then you're like kind of
Speaker 2: letting people know you're Jewish, and anyone who's like doesn't
Speaker 2: want a dated Jew period won't date you. I feel
Speaker 2: like that might help narrow some stuff down too.
Speaker 4: Yeah, that's true something I listened to recently. The Daily
Speaker 4: just did a piece on it's on dating over fifty online,
Speaker 4: which is not necessarily your situation, but there were some
Speaker 4: really good tips in there about it's the haystack theory.
Speaker 4: They say, like, how do you find a needle in
Speaker 4: a haystack, light the haystack on fire. So basically it
Speaker 4: talks about totally reinventing your your online persona and like
Speaker 4: really whittling down to like, here's actually who I do
Speaker 4: want rather than having the broadest possible results. And a
Speaker 4: lot of people have found some success with that. Check
Speaker 4: that out. There's a bunch of good tips in.
Speaker 1: There that does make sense. You know you are reading
Speaker 1: people out.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I just wouldn't want her to become a target,
Speaker 3: you know, for who are like.
Speaker 4: Oh, you know, let me make my stance on hinge.
Speaker 2: Yeah, like that's why I'm like, is there someone who
Speaker 2: could like go through the.
Speaker 3: First sec identify herself as a Jew as agnostic Jew?
Speaker 2: And yeah, people like see agnostic Jew that means certain
Speaker 2: things to different people, and then see like what the
Speaker 2: type of messages that come in and then like maybe
Speaker 2: you have a friend who helps you like whittle through
Speaker 2: that way. It's not just all on you if the
Speaker 2: messages get really like volatile, Yeah.
Speaker 5: I could probably ask my sister to do that. She
Speaker 5: probably love that.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: When I'm doing I'm an only child, this is when
Speaker 2: I get really jealous. Yeah, yeah, that sounds really nice.
Speaker 4: Love this kind of stuff. All right, well will you
Speaker 4: let us know how it goes?
Speaker 5: I will, yes, thank you all.
Speaker 2: So I message my cousin, Oh yes, like I'll just
Speaker 2: ask exactly.
Speaker 1: Yeah is he single?
Speaker 2: He's super not?
Speaker 1: Oh okay, well maybe he yes.
Speaker 2: I'm Jewish.
Speaker 1: I think yeah.
Speaker 3: I think you have to have a more optimistic out,
Speaker 3: be hopeful and be optimistic.
Speaker 2: Whole place is godless.
Speaker 4: And also sisters like listeners. If you are those sisters
Speaker 4: who have a brother, send us an emailat thank you
Speaker 4: so much.
Speaker 5: Maya Okay, thank you all, bye, maya good luck.
Speaker 1: I feel like we gave her eight different things to do.
Speaker 2: We're like good though, lots of things. I heard of
Speaker 2: this thing called chase.
Speaker 1: Well you were right on the money. Someone's paying attention.
Speaker 4: Well, we have one more caller. We can either take
Speaker 4: our little break and come back for our caller, or I.
Speaker 1: Will do that.
Speaker 3: We'll take a break and we'll be right back with
Speaker 3: Rachel Bloom.
Speaker 2: And we're back.
Speaker 4: We are back. Our last caller today is Deanna. She says,
Speaker 4: Dear Chelsea, here's my situation. I'm in my early forties,
Speaker 4: never married, no children, I have a long term boyfriend
Speaker 4: of almost eight years. He came with a dog, Yama.
Speaker 4: Over the years, Yama and I created a very strong
Speaker 4: bond through COVID, moving to different states, countless hikes and
Speaker 4: backpacking trips, and working remotely. He has been by my side,
Speaker 4: best coworker ever. In the beginning of October, his health
Speaker 4: took a turn. He went from sixty pounds to forty
Speaker 4: in a matter of weeks. We treated him for all
Speaker 4: sorts of things. Nothing worked. My strong dog, who hiked
Speaker 4: up countless mountains with me, couldn't even get up the stairs.
Speaker 4: The VET deduced it had to be cancer, so on
Speaker 4: October twenty third, we said goodbye. It happened fast, and
Speaker 4: I have been taking it really hard. I'm not exaggerating
Speaker 4: when I say I haven't loved anyone or felt closer
Speaker 4: to anyone than I did with him.
Speaker 2: Then add this.
Speaker 4: Election business, and I just feel so lost and alone.
Speaker 4: I know you're a dog mom, and I know you've
Speaker 4: suffered great loss in that arena. Any advice on how
Speaker 4: to press forward at this moment, I never won another
Speaker 4: pet again. The idea of going through this feels masochistic,
Speaker 4: but I know that's my grief talking. I appreciate any
Speaker 4: advice you can share. Love you and all that you do.
Speaker 2: Deanna, Hi, Deanna, Hi, Hi, y.
Speaker 1: We have another dog lover here today, Rachel Bluem.
Speaker 2: Nice to meet Yeah, to meet you. I really feel you.
Speaker 2: I'm sorry that you lost your lover.
Speaker 4: Thank you.
Speaker 2: That was really hard to listen to again. Yeah, I'm sorry.
Speaker 1: Say honestly, you need to get another dog. You do.
Speaker 3: You're gonna love another dog just as much as you
Speaker 3: loved this dog. Your love is that is not like
Speaker 3: you know, like it doesn't it's not fin You need
Speaker 3: to give your love to another person or another thing
Speaker 3: or another animal, and like that's how it happens. When
Speaker 3: as soon as I lose it, as soon as I
Speaker 3: see one of my dogs going downhill, I get another
Speaker 3: dog so that it will soften the blow when I
Speaker 3: lose my dog. Because there are so much love to
Speaker 3: be had in this world. There are so many animals
Speaker 3: that need to be loved. In the way that you're
Speaker 3: discussing your love or the way that you expressed your
Speaker 3: love for your dog, you have to give that away
Speaker 3: to someone else, and you will, and that will help
Speaker 3: you heal. I promise you that will help you heal.
Speaker 3: You don't have to get a puppy. Go get a
Speaker 3: rescue dog, you know, oh yes, of course, and go
Speaker 3: look at and fall in love and transfer that love
Speaker 3: that you had.
Speaker 1: You don't even have to think about it. It will happen.
Speaker 2: You can also try five yeah, as like a way
Speaker 2: station if like you're not ready. Also, I don't know
Speaker 2: if this is what you're feeling, but I feel like
Speaker 2: there's a certain shame sometimes of over people morning pets,
Speaker 2: where they're like, I know, it's just a pet, I
Speaker 2: know it's and it's and I think in case, that's
Speaker 2: a part of you that's like I don't know why
Speaker 2: I can't get over this, like just allowing yourself to
Speaker 2: feel the grief over this being that you loved, and
Speaker 2: if it were a human, what grief would you allow yourself? Rachel,
Speaker 2: That's exactly what I'm feeling now. Yep, thank you for
Speaker 2: that validation.
Speaker 3: And also you're saying I don't know if I could
Speaker 3: ever go through this again, like you can. You're sitting
Speaker 3: right here, you're going through it. You are surviving. You
Speaker 3: can go through this again. You're going to go find
Speaker 3: another dog, You're gonna foster it or you're gonna rescue
Speaker 3: it and you're going to form a bond with it.
Speaker 3: And if it doesn't work with the first dog or
Speaker 3: you don't feel it, then great, then you'll get a
Speaker 3: different dog, if you foster a dog or if you
Speaker 3: but I promise you, when you adopt a dog, it's
Speaker 3: very unlikely that you are not going to have the
Speaker 3: same feelings that you're describing. It won't be the exact
Speaker 3: same because no two dogs are the same, you know,
Speaker 3: but your love is the same.
Speaker 5: You know.
Speaker 3: The love that you extend to a pet is not measurable.
Speaker 3: It's not like you love one dog more than the next.
Speaker 3: I've had about six dogs now in my life, and
Speaker 3: I whoever my favorite is always the one that's alive,
Speaker 3: you know. So, like it's a less emotional way of
Speaker 3: looking at it. But I promise you, like, when you
Speaker 3: have that kind of love to expend, you need to
Speaker 3: expend it.
Speaker 2: Okay, that's really good to hear.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and also grieve grief all you want, like what
Speaker 3: Rachel said, absolutely, but also think about how you can
Speaker 3: impact another dog's life with all that love.
Speaker 2: That's true. Thank you, yeah, yeah, good luck, Well, thank
Speaker 2: you for having me on.
Speaker 4: Yeah, send us a picture when you find your new buddy.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, if you find your new lover, send us
Speaker 3: a picture please sure, well, thank you, okay, thanks for
Speaker 3: calling Dan, Thank you, nye. It it is sad when
Speaker 3: people are debilitated by their pets loss, which is what's
Speaker 3: going to happen to you.
Speaker 1: I see it.
Speaker 2: Coming down the pike, and I mean I joke and
Speaker 2: special about like I mean, pet laws, those websites for
Speaker 2: pet loss are the most embarrassingly earnest things, like the
Speaker 2: art around pet loss, all of it is so embarrassingly earnest.
Speaker 2: And also it makes me very emotional, and I think, like, yeah,
Speaker 2: like they're people, so it's it's okay to grieve them. Absolutely,
Speaker 2: it's okay.
Speaker 4: So powerful with dogs especially I think with cats of
Speaker 4: herecap or something.
Speaker 2: And we have a kid and we still I mean,
Speaker 2: it hasn't diminished our love for our Yeah.
Speaker 3: I know some people have kids and then they're like,
Speaker 3: we gave our dog bag, we gave our dog away.
Speaker 1: I don't, I can't.
Speaker 2: I don't. Also, my dog and my daughter are like
Speaker 2: best friends. Well, and I think the dog tolerates her,
Speaker 2: but my daughter calls Wiley her sister. Oh that's she
Speaker 2: literally says, like other people at school be like I
Speaker 2: have a brother, officer should be like I have a
Speaker 2: sister and she is a dog, and that's what we teacher.
Speaker 1: I love that.
Speaker 3: Thank you Rachel Bloom for being here. Make sure you
Speaker 3: guys catch your special on Netflix. It's called Death. Let
Speaker 3: Me do my special. It's on Netflix. Make sure you
Speaker 3: watch it and look out for Rachel Bloom everywhere.
Speaker 1: She's just around the corner.
Speaker 2: It'll only take me fifty minutes.
Speaker 1: Thank you for being here, Thank you for having me.
Speaker 1: Yes always. We'll see you guys next week. Bye. Do
Speaker 1: do Do Do Do do.
Speaker 3: Drum roll Catherine please, Chelsea Handler Abroad. Abroad is my
Speaker 3: European tour, which I just announced. Tickets go on sale
Speaker 3: tomorrow or today or there's a pre sale code Chelsea.
Speaker 3: So I'm coming to obviously find.
Speaker 1: A husband of Rod.
Speaker 3: I need to get the health out of this fucking country.
Speaker 3: And it's not as easy as you think. So I'm
Speaker 3: coming to Rekuvik, I'm coming to Dublin. I'm coming to
Speaker 3: the UK. I'm coming to Brussels, Paris, Belfast in May
Speaker 3: and June, I'm coming to Oslo, Stockholm, the Copenhagen, Manchester, London, Glasgow,
Speaker 3: New Zurich, Vienna. I've never ever been to Vienna, Berlin,
Speaker 3: Barcelona and Lisbon.
Speaker 1: I'm coming abroad. Is abroad that sounds like fun.
Speaker 4: I'm gonna go see you abroad.
Speaker 3: I rid out. I want to go see me abroad
Speaker 3: and there all be there, All be fun, okay. All
Speaker 3: Upcoming Vegas dates March twenty first, April eighteenth, July fifth,
Speaker 3: August thirtieth, November one and twenty ninth at the Cosmopolitan
Speaker 3: of Las Vegas.
Speaker 4: If you'd like advice from Chelsea, shoot us an email
Speaker 4: at Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com and be
Speaker 4: sure to include your phone number. Dear Chelsea is edited
Speaker 4: and engineered by Brad Dickert executive producer Catherine law and
Speaker 4: be sure to check out our merch at Chelseahandler dot
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