WEBVTT - Life is Goo with Rachel Bloom 0:00:00.840 --> 0:00:06.720 Hello, Hello, Hello, good morning morning. Are you in New York. 0:00:07.240 --> 0:00:08.320 I'm in Seattle. 0:00:08.560 --> 0:00:09.440 I'm in Seattle. 0:00:09.920 --> 0:00:12.480 My voice sounds fresh because of all the freshness that 0:00:12.520 --> 0:00:15.600 I've been up to. So I had a book signing 0:00:15.600 --> 0:00:18.600 here last night. I had the Oscars the night before, 0:00:18.760 --> 0:00:22.079 big party situation. Yes, was out till about four in 0:00:22.120 --> 0:00:24.759 the morning, and then got up at eight o'clock or 0:00:24.840 --> 0:00:27.720 no ten o'clock to come to Seattle for my book 0:00:27.800 --> 0:00:28.440 signing here. 0:00:28.920 --> 0:00:31.159 The Internet says that you're dating rape Fines, which like 0:00:31.640 --> 0:00:33.440 I saw, I saw it like I saw. 0:00:33.479 --> 0:00:37.640 Hell, yeah, well that's I'm not dating Ray Fines. But that, yes, 0:00:37.720 --> 0:00:39.599 I saw that. I had high hopes I had. 0:00:40.520 --> 0:00:44.920 Yes, No, we just went to a from one party 0:00:44.960 --> 0:00:48.479 to another together. That's simply what happened. But I did 0:00:48.520 --> 0:00:50.760 have a blast. I've had a blast all week. 0:00:51.200 --> 0:00:52.520 And it's been your birthday. 0:00:53.000 --> 0:00:55.040 Oh. Yes, and I had a birthday party too on 0:00:55.120 --> 0:00:58.560 Friday night, No, Saturday night, Saturday night, I had a 0:00:58.560 --> 0:01:01.440 birthday party. Saturday. I went from Chicago, went to my 0:01:01.440 --> 0:01:04.240 book signing at the Grove in La. Then I turned 0:01:04.280 --> 0:01:05.959 around and went back to the hotel I was staying 0:01:05.959 --> 0:01:07.440 at where I was having my birthday party. 0:01:07.480 --> 0:01:11.160 Saturday night, which was also a blast, very fun. 0:01:11.720 --> 0:01:14.480 And then I randomly ran into you at the grove. 0:01:14.880 --> 0:01:17.360 Let me tell you how many signs there were that 0:01:17.560 --> 0:01:20.920 I didn't put two and two together. They had an 0:01:20.920 --> 0:01:23.759 Owls Brew lemonade stand and I was like, oh, that's 0:01:23.880 --> 0:01:26.880 Chelsea's and like, did not think you were doing a signing. 0:01:27.240 --> 0:01:30.240 And by the way, the Owlsbrew is delicious. I had 0:01:30.280 --> 0:01:31.520 the pink lemonade. 0:01:31.720 --> 0:01:34.679 I know, I know all these girls that are upcoming in. 0:01:34.760 --> 0:01:38.679 You know, my book signings are primarily about ninety percent women, obviously, 0:01:39.200 --> 0:01:40.119 and they're all coming. 0:01:40.200 --> 0:01:42.199 And now we have the Owls Brew at every book signing. 0:01:42.280 --> 0:01:44.640 So that's been so fun because now people get the 0:01:44.640 --> 0:01:48.120 message that for their book clubs they should be pounding Owlsbrew. 0:01:48.640 --> 0:01:51.400 Yeah it's very tart, very delicious. 0:01:51.720 --> 0:01:52.960 But yeah, that was so funny. 0:01:53.000 --> 0:01:54.960 And then somebody came up and said, who's doing a 0:01:54.960 --> 0:01:57.000 book signing here, and the guy behind the counter said 0:01:57.040 --> 0:01:58.320 Chelsea Hmler and I was like. 0:01:58.320 --> 0:02:03.040 Oh, yeah, yeah, I know what a dink. 0:02:03.320 --> 0:02:04.880 I know, I know. I'm like, I'm sure it was 0:02:04.920 --> 0:02:08.280 in there subliminally somewhere, but anyway, yes, we got to 0:02:08.320 --> 0:02:09.640 come say hi, I mad. 0:02:10.200 --> 0:02:12.200 And I was reunited with Doug for this week for 0:02:12.240 --> 0:02:14.200 the weekend, even though my Belle started pulling her a 0:02:14.200 --> 0:02:16.760 bullshit when she brought him over to my hotel room. 0:02:16.919 --> 0:02:20.160 She's like, it's okay, Doug, it's okay, mommy's here. I'm like, 0:02:20.280 --> 0:02:21.000 I'm the mommy. 0:02:21.840 --> 0:02:25.799 Shut up dog, don't start. 0:02:25.560 --> 0:02:26.720 This shit with me again. 0:02:27.320 --> 0:02:29.880 Anyway. I'm on my way back to Los Angeles this morning, 0:02:30.040 --> 0:02:32.920 and I am going to you know, hit it. 0:02:32.960 --> 0:02:36.280 Hit it hard for the next who knows how long. 0:02:36.800 --> 0:02:39.640 I can't even look at my schedule because it's too intimidating. 0:02:40.080 --> 0:02:42.640 No, no, I know. I keep asking your assistant for 0:02:42.720 --> 0:02:44.920 things and she as, you're busy. 0:02:45.560 --> 0:02:46.320 Yeah. 0:02:46.360 --> 0:02:48.639 And I've also run into so many So many of 0:02:48.639 --> 0:02:51.120 the people coming to my book signings love Dear Chelsea 0:02:51.240 --> 0:02:54.280 and are avid listeners. So that's always nice to meet 0:02:54.280 --> 0:02:57.320 our listeners in person. And I hope you guys are 0:02:57.639 --> 0:03:01.360 reaching out to each other through different groups and stuff 0:03:01.400 --> 0:03:04.760 so that you guys can connect through Dear Chelsea and 0:03:05.080 --> 0:03:06.040 read the books together. 0:03:06.520 --> 0:03:08.960 That's great. Well, any dates that we want to. 0:03:09.000 --> 0:03:12.359 Hit Vegas, I'm coming to Vegas March twenty first, guys, 0:03:12.360 --> 0:03:14.880 that's my next show in Vegas. March twenty first, and 0:03:14.880 --> 0:03:17.959 then April eighteenth, and then I announced about five more dates, 0:03:17.960 --> 0:03:20.040 and I announced all my European dates, So those are 0:03:20.040 --> 0:03:22.400 selling out. So if you're in Europe and you're listening 0:03:22.400 --> 0:03:24.519 to this and I'm coming to your city, go get 0:03:24.560 --> 0:03:29.160 your ticket because they're going excellent. And then also anyone 0:03:29.200 --> 0:03:32.800 who's listening, who has bought my book, who has listened 0:03:32.840 --> 0:03:37.000 to my book, send us excerpts or you reading your 0:03:37.040 --> 0:03:41.000 favorite parts or circle your favorite parts because I've been reposting. 0:03:40.520 --> 0:03:43.120 Those and I love those. I love to see them. 0:03:43.560 --> 0:03:46.400 And yes, my book has now been out for almost 0:03:46.440 --> 0:03:47.320 six days. 0:03:47.680 --> 0:03:50.040 I'll have what she's having. 0:03:50.600 --> 0:03:54.000 Amazing and I got a copy too now, so I'm 0:03:54.040 --> 0:03:55.240 gonna find out all your. 0:03:55.160 --> 0:03:58.520 Secret wonderful well there's you know, as we know, there 0:03:58.520 --> 0:03:58.880 are no. 0:03:58.920 --> 0:03:59.680 Secrets with me. 0:04:00.040 --> 0:04:02.960 And I also want to mention that based on my video, 0:04:03.120 --> 0:04:07.120 my birthday videos, which we're all familiar with, hopefully I 0:04:07.320 --> 0:04:12.000 am doing an actual ski run bathing suit ski run 0:04:12.360 --> 0:04:16.200 on March fourteenth that everyone is invited to come and 0:04:16.240 --> 0:04:16.960 register for. 0:04:17.160 --> 0:04:20.200 That means you ski with me in your bathing. 0:04:19.880 --> 0:04:25.760 Suit down Tahoe in the Palisades Palisades, Tahoe I should say, 0:04:25.960 --> 0:04:29.400 and it's well, it's just going to be a blast. 0:04:29.440 --> 0:04:31.160 I mean, it's just going to be a recreation of 0:04:31.200 --> 0:04:33.279 my birthday video. And wait, so you see the bathing 0:04:33.279 --> 0:04:37.760 suit they have me wearing. Very excited, So our guests today. 0:04:37.560 --> 0:04:39.200 Please welcome Rachel Bloom. 0:04:39.760 --> 0:04:42.839 Okay, we're here with she's a comedian, she's a writer, 0:04:43.000 --> 0:04:46.320 and she's an actress. And you know her best probably 0:04:46.360 --> 0:04:49.560 as the creator and star of Crazy Ex Girlfriend, Everyone's 0:04:49.560 --> 0:04:51.240 favorite show, and she. 0:04:51.160 --> 0:04:51.840 Has a new specially. 0:04:51.839 --> 0:04:52.960 Everyone is a very libb. 0:04:53.279 --> 0:04:55.960 Please go on, and we're justlusive. 0:04:56.040 --> 0:04:58.640 Okay, it's very inclusive of a very small part of 0:04:58.680 --> 0:05:00.880 the population. That's not true. That's not true. That was 0:05:00.920 --> 0:05:05.960 a very hugely popular show. Popular is an interesting Sure, 0:05:06.040 --> 0:05:06.800 yes it was. 0:05:06.920 --> 0:05:08.840 It was, absolutely it was. I think you need to 0:05:08.880 --> 0:05:11.440 embrace that. Her new special is called Death. Let me 0:05:11.480 --> 0:05:14.919 do my special. It's on Netflix right now. Please welcome 0:05:15.000 --> 0:05:18.520 Rachel Bloom. Rachel Bloom, Hi, Hi. 0:05:18.720 --> 0:05:19.280 How are you. 0:05:19.560 --> 0:05:19.960 I'm good. 0:05:20.000 --> 0:05:21.400 It's always really nice to see you. 0:05:21.480 --> 0:05:22.720 Always I love seeing you. 0:05:22.720 --> 0:05:25.919 You're just a really kind person. Thank you. I was 0:05:26.120 --> 0:05:30.480 just telling actually or Nanny was like, oh my god, 0:05:30.800 --> 0:05:32.479 I love she's such a fan of yours, and I 0:05:32.480 --> 0:05:34.839 was like, also, she's like really nice and kind to 0:05:34.920 --> 0:05:37.200 other women, which is just really wonderful. 0:05:37.240 --> 0:05:38.800 Thank you. Now I have to start being that way 0:05:38.839 --> 0:05:42.880 to men, which I know they can be nice to 0:05:42.920 --> 0:05:44.880 each other or whatever they are. You know, it's not 0:05:44.920 --> 0:05:48.320 really our problem. Let's talk about your special. Death is 0:05:48.360 --> 0:05:49.880 a big character in your special. 0:05:49.960 --> 0:05:55.599 He is and I he is, Well, I'm kind of 0:05:55.640 --> 0:05:58.719 the some of the character based off of like men 0:05:58.760 --> 0:06:02.479 I've interacted with in like writers rooms, and so death 0:06:02.520 --> 0:06:04.200 to me is a he Yes. 0:06:04.320 --> 0:06:04.760 I like that. 0:06:05.000 --> 0:06:06.800 Yes, I'd like to start thinking of it that way 0:06:06.839 --> 0:06:08.840 as well, and I'm sure many of our listeners feel 0:06:08.839 --> 0:06:09.760 the same exact way. 0:06:10.279 --> 0:06:11.800 And not to say he like a dude bro. 0:06:12.400 --> 0:06:14.440 Yeah, it was always like either. I mean there were 0:06:14.440 --> 0:06:17.000 different ways we experimented with the character that like there 0:06:17.040 --> 0:06:19.000 was a part of him that was in selly and 0:06:19.000 --> 0:06:20.159 then there was a part of him that was just 0:06:20.200 --> 0:06:25.480 like a dude bro, because like, hostility from comedians comes 0:06:25.520 --> 0:06:28.839 in different forms. But either way, it's when I'm saying 0:06:28.880 --> 0:06:31.200 bad things to myself, what is my inner voice, and 0:06:31.240 --> 0:06:34.160 my inner voice is the men who I perceived as 0:06:34.200 --> 0:06:37.360 funnier being like that's a fucking joke. Okay, I guess 0:06:37.360 --> 0:06:40.080 you could technically call that a joke. That's my inner 0:06:40.120 --> 0:06:44.000 hateful voice is those are those guys, is being judged 0:06:44.000 --> 0:06:47.479 by those guys, being judged by those guys, and them 0:06:47.480 --> 0:06:50.280 seeing that I am a fraud. Honestly, I mean, it's 0:06:50.320 --> 0:06:52.839 it's like, it's it's I still have, after all these years, 0:06:52.839 --> 0:06:55.360 a little bit of imposter syndrome of like, I'm very 0:06:55.400 --> 0:06:58.800 sensitive and my my first writer's room and experiences I 0:06:58.800 --> 0:07:01.320 had around that time was like there would be these 0:07:01.360 --> 0:07:05.040 guys who just got really really tough and smart, and 0:07:05.080 --> 0:07:08.599 they were great joke writers, but comedy was a way 0:07:08.600 --> 0:07:11.360 to assert dominance over other people, you know, And I've 0:07:11.400 --> 0:07:14.440 just I've never been good at like being insulted and 0:07:14.440 --> 0:07:16.280 coming back with an insult. I'm also not a club comic, 0:07:16.840 --> 0:07:18.760 so that's the thing is I didn't get I haven't 0:07:18.760 --> 0:07:22.160 been hardened by I've always been like an old comic 0:07:22.320 --> 0:07:25.240 UCB TV writer, so I haven't been hardened by like 0:07:25.360 --> 0:07:29.120 drunk people in clubs throwing beers at me in a 0:07:29.120 --> 0:07:32.120 way that might have made me tougher and better at 0:07:32.160 --> 0:07:33.640 like insults and comebacks. 0:07:34.160 --> 0:07:34.960 That's interesting. 0:07:35.200 --> 0:07:38.320 I mean, I would think that because you're assembling lots 0:07:38.360 --> 0:07:40.600 of different writers rooms, because you've had multiple shows. 0:07:40.760 --> 0:07:43.200 I've only had I've only had one so far. 0:07:43.360 --> 0:07:45.120 Really, yeah, well you have a new show that you 0:07:45.280 --> 0:07:45.920 just announced. 0:07:46.240 --> 0:07:48.600 Is it's a pilot, but but it makes me look 0:07:48.640 --> 0:07:49.120 really good. 0:07:49.320 --> 0:07:49.560 Yeah. 0:07:49.600 --> 0:07:51.360 Well, I feel like you need to believe that you 0:07:51.440 --> 0:07:52.720 are good because I believe. 0:07:52.720 --> 0:07:56.040 I'm sorry, I'm I'm underplaying things and I don't know 0:07:56.080 --> 0:07:57.640 why you're right? 0:07:57.720 --> 0:08:00.480 But what was the Crazy Ex Girlfriend? You were doing 0:08:00.480 --> 0:08:01.560 something that was I. 0:08:01.480 --> 0:08:03.720 Was a TV writer and I was like auditioning and 0:08:03.760 --> 0:08:04.720 I was doing shows at UCB. 0:08:04.960 --> 0:08:07.080 Were you a star and something? Or on TV? 0:08:08.360 --> 0:08:08.560 It is? 0:08:09.320 --> 0:08:11.280 Oh, is that how I got to know you? It 0:08:11.320 --> 0:08:13.720 was something before Crazy Ex Girl? It was my YouTube 0:08:13.760 --> 0:08:16.120 I was doing like YouTube Okay, okay, so that's how 0:08:16.120 --> 0:08:16.600 I got to know. 0:08:16.920 --> 0:08:19.000 But I want to assemble. I have a couple of 0:08:19.080 --> 0:08:23.040 TV things in the works where I would love to 0:08:23.120 --> 0:08:25.280 be able to assemble another writer's room. I love being 0:08:25.280 --> 0:08:26.040 in a writer's room. 0:08:26.240 --> 0:08:27.560 Yeah, and I love. 0:08:27.480 --> 0:08:30.160 To have another another show. I have a couple of 0:08:30.160 --> 0:08:32.839 shows like in the works. Yeah. It's always funny what 0:08:32.920 --> 0:08:36.079 we decide to like announce and not announce because everyone 0:08:36.800 --> 0:08:40.120 you know, like everyone is working on. If our careers 0:08:40.120 --> 0:08:45.600 were judged by effort, everyone would be number one on IMDb. Right, 0:08:45.640 --> 0:08:48.480 everyone has like a thousand things going on. It's just okay, 0:08:48.559 --> 0:08:50.960 are you Are you then fortunate to get to that 0:08:51.040 --> 0:08:54.320 next level and have it actually like, for lack of 0:08:54.320 --> 0:08:55.679 a better term, count. 0:08:56.160 --> 0:08:57.360 Right, because it doesn't. 0:08:57.400 --> 0:09:00.000 And I also conversely, the stuff is true, like sometimes 0:09:00.200 --> 0:09:03.640 when you announce certain things you know that that aren't 0:09:03.640 --> 0:09:07.400 necessarily sure a thing, it's like, oh, we're gonna announce, 0:09:07.920 --> 0:09:09.800 you know. I don't like the announcements of things. I 0:09:09.880 --> 0:09:11.000 like just putting things out there. 0:09:11.080 --> 0:09:13.400 You know, me too, me too, and this like like 0:09:13.440 --> 0:09:15.120 the show we just announced to my husband and I 0:09:15.120 --> 0:09:15.920 have a show with. 0:09:15.920 --> 0:09:18.200 ABC graduate getting a hush thank you. 0:09:18.960 --> 0:09:21.000 So it's so funny because I was just listening to 0:09:21.000 --> 0:09:23.960 your interview with Sharon Horgan, who I just have been 0:09:24.000 --> 0:09:28.480 obsessed with. I'd love her so much. Another just brilliant 0:09:28.480 --> 0:09:31.960 and also kind person and actually Catastrophe. It made me 0:09:32.000 --> 0:09:34.360 realize I want to rewatch Catastrophe for the show that 0:09:34.400 --> 0:09:38.000 I'm doing right now. The fuck was I gonna, oh, oh, 0:09:37.920 --> 0:09:41.840 you're talking about divorce and I am so you know, 0:09:41.960 --> 0:09:45.840 for all of my like I'm fucking crazy, and I 0:09:46.040 --> 0:09:49.400 talk about my asshole and Dix I've been with the 0:09:49.440 --> 0:09:52.079 same guy. Those are the two wildest things. I've been 0:09:52.120 --> 0:09:55.160 with the same guy for about sixteen years. Wow, I'm 0:09:55.200 --> 0:09:58.599 a child bride, very sixteen years. How old were you 0:09:58.640 --> 0:10:01.080 when you met him? We we were friends since I 0:10:01.120 --> 0:10:04.600 was eighteen, in the comedy community, because the comedy community is, 0:10:04.600 --> 0:10:06.880 you know, incestuous. And then we started dating when I 0:10:06.960 --> 0:10:07.760 was twenty one. 0:10:08.120 --> 0:10:10.720 So you were only friends for the first few years. 0:10:10.880 --> 0:10:13.160 I mean we made out once and then what happened 0:10:13.160 --> 0:10:14.640 that what happened that you guys got together? 0:10:14.760 --> 0:10:18.280 Well, I dated a bunch of his friends. That's always 0:10:18.280 --> 0:10:21.000 a good way to get his attention, yes, and then 0:10:21.440 --> 0:10:23.360 we just realized we really liked being together, and one 0:10:23.400 --> 0:10:25.400 day we just kissed. I mean it was actually really 0:10:26.600 --> 0:10:29.040 I was in la I was born and raised in 0:10:29.120 --> 0:10:31.600 la and so I was back visiting my parents during 0:10:31.679 --> 0:10:34.920 college before I did a theater trip to Amsterdam, and 0:10:35.000 --> 0:10:36.679 he was here for business because he was already a 0:10:36.720 --> 0:10:40.600 working TV writer, And he invited me to this barbecue 0:10:40.600 --> 0:10:42.360 at this place he was running in Santa Monica, and 0:10:42.400 --> 0:10:46.360 we like made out on the beach and like it 0:10:46.400 --> 0:10:50.080 was magical, and I went to Amsterdam and came back 0:10:50.120 --> 0:10:51.600 and we started dating for real and we've just been 0:10:51.640 --> 0:10:54.800 together ever since. That's cute. It's really square. I would 0:10:54.800 --> 0:10:59.120 have never my emotions around love were so volatile and 0:10:59.160 --> 0:11:04.079 the people I went four were so fucking weird. Before him, 0:11:04.120 --> 0:11:06.560 I would have never thought that I would be this 0:11:06.720 --> 0:11:10.120 person in a monogamous relationship for so long. But here 0:11:10.160 --> 0:11:12.040 I am. Why do you think? 0:11:12.320 --> 0:11:14.720 Why were you why was your relationship with other men 0:11:14.760 --> 0:11:16.839 like so volatile? Or why were you attracted to those 0:11:16.880 --> 0:11:18.480 types of men? I mean, I did the same thing, 0:11:18.520 --> 0:11:19.760 but I'm curious. 0:11:20.040 --> 0:11:22.480 I liked the thrill of the chase and I liked 0:11:22.480 --> 0:11:24.480 I mean, if I'm going to get like psychological about it, 0:11:24.520 --> 0:11:26.280 I liked the feeling of the thrill of the chase. 0:11:26.280 --> 0:11:30.800 It was the greatest drug. Love was my first serious crush. 0:11:30.840 --> 0:11:34.559 Started when I was in about third grade, and I 0:11:34.600 --> 0:11:36.960 remember the emotions that I have. It's my friend Zach. 0:11:37.000 --> 0:11:39.280 He knows all about it. The emotions that I had 0:11:39.280 --> 0:11:45.440 for Zach from third through seventh grade were as real, 0:11:45.720 --> 0:11:48.360 and when I say real, they were as passionate and 0:11:48.480 --> 0:11:51.600 all consuming as anything I ever felt as an adult. 0:11:51.679 --> 0:11:54.400 From a very young age. And there's a term because 0:11:54.800 --> 0:11:56.599 on Crazy Ex Girlfriend, it was a show kind of 0:11:56.600 --> 0:11:59.880 all about obsessive love, and so there's this term called limerens, 0:12:00.080 --> 0:12:01.880 which is like the sign. Have you heard of this term? 0:12:01.920 --> 0:12:03.840 I love it, love it. It's like the scientific term 0:12:03.920 --> 0:12:07.680 for obsession, and it's what being in love is. And 0:12:09.120 --> 0:12:12.040 I'm a very I was always a very limerent person, 0:12:12.640 --> 0:12:16.720 and so I would go from guy to guy who 0:12:16.840 --> 0:12:20.640 was like emotionally unavailable, and also like I feel like 0:12:20.679 --> 0:12:23.920 I went for I feel like I still like my type. 0:12:24.320 --> 0:12:25.640 You know you hear you like go for people who 0:12:25.640 --> 0:12:27.080 are like your parents. I have two types. I have 0:12:27.120 --> 0:12:29.840 one type who kind of looks like a male version 0:12:29.840 --> 0:12:32.760 of my mom, so like very very lanky and skinny. 0:12:33.040 --> 0:12:34.840 And then there's a type that's the male version of 0:12:34.840 --> 0:12:36.760 my dad, which is like stocky and funny, and that's 0:12:36.760 --> 0:12:38.640 the guy I'm with right now. But like, really, if 0:12:38.640 --> 0:12:40.320 you broke them down, it's either I go for my 0:12:40.320 --> 0:12:40.680 mom or I. 0:12:40.640 --> 0:12:42.360 Go for that's finny because people don't talk about a 0:12:42.400 --> 0:12:45.120 lot or enough. I guess about going for your mom 0:12:45.520 --> 0:12:48.520 because that's got to big be a thing too. Yeahcho somatically, 0:12:48.679 --> 0:12:50.560 like there's got to be something where you are drawn 0:12:50.600 --> 0:12:52.040 to the people who remind you of your mother. 0:12:52.160 --> 0:12:54.959 It's the first love of your parents are the first 0:12:55.000 --> 0:12:56.600 love of your life. And I see it my daughter 0:12:56.640 --> 0:12:59.560 now where she this is when she was like two, 0:12:59.600 --> 0:13:01.600 she notes star wedding rings and she said, oh are 0:13:01.640 --> 0:13:03.840 you what are those? We said, their wedding rings, and 0:13:03.880 --> 0:13:05.640 she's like, what's that? We're married because we love each other, 0:13:05.679 --> 0:13:08.080 and she goes, I love you, I love Mama, I 0:13:08.120 --> 0:13:12.040 want mama and I and I get it. And I 0:13:12.080 --> 0:13:15.319 was like really flattered, and I was like, hopefully the 0:13:15.400 --> 0:13:18.480 laws will change. No, I didn't say that, but I 0:13:18.520 --> 0:13:20.600 get it, like the laws will go back one hundred 0:13:20.640 --> 0:13:21.280 and fifty years. 0:13:21.360 --> 0:13:21.520 Yes. 0:13:21.640 --> 0:13:23.920 Yes, it is weird having a kid because it is 0:13:24.600 --> 0:13:28.960 being in almost platonic love. Like I can't it's really 0:13:28.960 --> 0:13:33.240 hard to explain, but I get that feeling of like, oh, I. 0:13:33.160 --> 0:13:35.520 Want to marry I want to be with you forever. 0:13:35.760 --> 0:13:37.600 Yeah, it's just the feeling of like you just like 0:13:37.679 --> 0:13:40.600 want to be around that person. I feel like we 0:13:40.640 --> 0:13:43.600 all kind of have that a little bit DNA wise 0:13:43.640 --> 0:13:46.720 with our parents maybe, but anyway, So the other thing 0:13:46.720 --> 0:13:49.240 I've learned about Limerens, which I find really interesting. 0:13:50.040 --> 0:13:52.040 So is it just the act of being in love 0:13:52.120 --> 0:13:54.080 or isn't there another deaf and there's it's. 0:13:54.040 --> 0:13:56.480 Kind of what's happening to what's happening to your body? 0:13:56.640 --> 0:13:57.720 I was going to look at it because I want 0:13:57.720 --> 0:13:59.240 to read it to our listeners, because this word keeps 0:13:59.240 --> 0:13:59.560 coming up. 0:13:59.600 --> 0:14:00.920 I was on Bittion with my. 0:14:00.880 --> 0:14:03.160 British girlfriend and she was used and she used that 0:14:03.200 --> 0:14:05.560 word and I was like, oh, yes, I remember hearing 0:14:05.600 --> 0:14:07.800 it and being like, I was fascinated by this word 0:14:07.840 --> 0:14:09.600 because it kind of has a broader meaning. 0:14:09.760 --> 0:14:13.120 But so it's the state of being infatuated or obsessed 0:14:13.120 --> 0:14:17.640 with another person, typically experienced involuntarily and characterized by a 0:14:17.679 --> 0:14:21.479 strong desire for reciprocation of one's feelings, but not primarily 0:14:21.480 --> 0:14:22.680 for a sexual relationship. 0:14:22.800 --> 0:14:26.600 Yes, so okay, oh that's interesting. 0:14:26.840 --> 0:14:30.760 Like in love platonically, I mean for me, inlimerance, other 0:14:30.840 --> 0:14:34.720 than like child platonic love is the only child platonic. 0:14:34.440 --> 0:14:37.440 Love, child marriage, childmates. 0:14:37.760 --> 0:14:41.000 To be clear, I am not in limeerns with my child. 0:14:42.840 --> 0:14:46.080 But yeah, that's interesting that it says like it's platonic, 0:14:46.120 --> 0:14:49.000 that it's all I mean for me. That wasn't necessarily 0:14:49.120 --> 0:14:54.360 the case because I'm so fucking straight. But the interesting 0:14:54.400 --> 0:14:56.120 thing is like when you look at what's happening to 0:14:56.160 --> 0:14:58.320 you yourself chemically. And the woman who studied this was 0:14:58.400 --> 0:15:01.160 named Helen Fisher, and she just recently, but she studied 0:15:01.640 --> 0:15:05.880 being in love and they basically scanned people's brains while 0:15:05.880 --> 0:15:08.760 they were in limeerents and what they found was a 0:15:08.800 --> 0:15:11.040 couple things. And I might be butchering this, so sorry 0:15:11.040 --> 0:15:15.520 for any love scientists out there. I believe that when 0:15:15.520 --> 0:15:18.920 you're in love, you're serotonin plummets, which is like your 0:15:18.960 --> 0:15:22.960 well being chemical which also I have generalized anxiety disorder. 0:15:23.240 --> 0:15:26.360 I already have low serotonin. That's what prozac does. It 0:15:26.440 --> 0:15:29.840 helps my neurons transfer serotonin. So before I was on prozac, 0:15:30.080 --> 0:15:33.080 I already have low ass serotonin. Suddenly I fall in love. 0:15:33.680 --> 0:15:37.040 Whatever serotonin is left is fucking gone, and that's like 0:15:37.120 --> 0:15:41.440 you're well being. Okay, I'm good, I'm I'm happy right now, right, 0:15:41.480 --> 0:15:44.720 So that's fucking gone. When you think of this person, 0:15:44.760 --> 0:15:48.920 they flood you with dopamine, which is like already addictive, 0:15:48.960 --> 0:15:52.040 but if you have no serotonin, you need that person 0:15:52.040 --> 0:15:54.600 in order to feel good. And so it's close to 0:15:54.720 --> 0:15:59.240 like being on cocaine or like OCD, which I've also experienced. 0:15:59.320 --> 0:16:03.200 And so that kind of obsessive mind, that involuntary obsession 0:16:03.240 --> 0:16:06.120 of feeling like your brain is being hacked by a 0:16:06.280 --> 0:16:11.520 dark love force is how I really lived a lot 0:16:11.560 --> 0:16:13.360 of my life. And I think it took a lot 0:16:13.400 --> 0:16:18.320 of learning from those toxic relationships and sometimes unreciprocated situations 0:16:18.360 --> 0:16:23.240 to really make me, I don't know, like find myself 0:16:23.280 --> 0:16:26.360 in a really healthy but wonderful relationship and I fell 0:16:26.400 --> 0:16:29.320 in love with him still, but luckily I fell in 0:16:29.320 --> 0:16:32.400 love with a healthy in a healthy win. Well that tracks. 0:16:32.400 --> 0:16:34.800 I mean, most of us when we're younger, you know, 0:16:35.040 --> 0:16:37.560 go after the wrong things, like we were not focused 0:16:37.600 --> 0:16:38.160 on what we want. 0:16:38.160 --> 0:16:40.680 We're focused on the way we feel and when as 0:16:40.720 --> 0:16:41.280 we mature. 0:16:41.600 --> 0:16:43.120 I mean, it doesn't sound like you were that old, 0:16:43.160 --> 0:16:45.560 but you seem to have a good grasp on you know, 0:16:45.880 --> 0:16:49.680 what you wanted, And because knowing someone for several years 0:16:49.720 --> 0:16:53.160 actually is a big benefit to understanding somebody and making 0:16:53.240 --> 0:16:59.560 an educated, responsible, why down responsible decision and your special 0:16:59.600 --> 0:17:03.680 You talk a lot about your fear of losing your 0:17:03.680 --> 0:17:06.520 dog when you were pregnant, which I find so funny. 0:17:06.880 --> 0:17:09.159 Why were you because your dog was old. Is that 0:17:09.200 --> 0:17:10.320 why you thought he was gonna die? 0:17:10.440 --> 0:17:10.600 Yes? 0:17:10.800 --> 0:17:12.960 And she's a she now just turned what we think 0:17:13.000 --> 0:17:14.679 she turned fifteen. She's a rescue, so we don't know. 0:17:15.240 --> 0:17:19.320 I was just with her this morning. It made life 0:17:19.320 --> 0:17:22.480 and death. It made the cycle of life and death 0:17:22.760 --> 0:17:25.800 very real to me. And I'd had little existential crises. 0:17:25.840 --> 0:17:29.320 I'm taking off my shoes. I'd had little toastpacers. Do 0:17:29.359 --> 0:17:30.040 you want to put them on? 0:17:30.880 --> 0:17:33.080 I don't. It seems like you might want you put 0:17:33.119 --> 0:17:34.280 on toasts. 0:17:33.800 --> 0:17:37.640 When you're not any pedicure. They're not those kinds of toastpacers. 0:17:37.960 --> 0:17:40.520 I have the start of what is a little bunyonette, 0:17:40.600 --> 0:17:42.520 and so in order I'm calling it that to make 0:17:42.520 --> 0:17:44.040 it sound more delicate than what it is. 0:17:44.040 --> 0:17:44.560 I love it. 0:17:44.720 --> 0:17:47.040 And you put on these really well, mine are black, 0:17:47.119 --> 0:17:49.000 so they're not you know. And you put them in 0:17:49.040 --> 0:17:51.000 between your toes so that so when your toes get 0:17:51.040 --> 0:17:53.159 a bunyan they start to your fiat starts to narrow, 0:17:53.280 --> 0:17:55.360 and you want to keep your toes spread out. 0:17:55.600 --> 0:17:57.480 So I put them on to keep my toes out 0:17:57.640 --> 0:17:59.600 so that my foot it is working. 0:18:00.080 --> 0:18:01.119 It's not fucking working. 0:18:01.440 --> 0:18:03.000 My cousin said to me, the other day. 0:18:03.000 --> 0:18:05.000 I don't wear those. They're so stupid. And you've never 0:18:05.000 --> 0:18:06.520 even spoken to a doctor about it. I'm like, I 0:18:06.560 --> 0:18:09.080 am a doctor, and they are working. My toes are 0:18:09.080 --> 0:18:11.760 starting to spread out, so I think everything's going. 0:18:11.760 --> 0:18:13.879 To be fine for my bunionette. Let me see your feet. 0:18:14.040 --> 0:18:17.600 They're very nice. Yeah, I'm very narrowly. Yeah, but who's aren't. 0:18:17.840 --> 0:18:20.240 Yeah. I always like, yeah, what is that because we're 0:18:20.280 --> 0:18:21.000 walking on them. 0:18:21.280 --> 0:18:25.160 Yeah, that's what it is, or in my case, rollerblading 0:18:25.200 --> 0:18:26.200 to every meeting I have. 0:18:26.760 --> 0:18:27.760 That's so fucking cool. 0:18:27.840 --> 0:18:30.000 I know, thank you? So what what? 0:18:30.280 --> 0:18:30.520 Yes? 0:18:30.680 --> 0:18:32.880 So it made life and death real. There was something 0:18:33.080 --> 0:18:35.879 first of all, like when I was pregnant, I was 0:18:35.960 --> 0:18:39.879 really nauseous for the first four months, and it made 0:18:39.920 --> 0:18:42.760 me depressed and I and it's like a chicken or 0:18:42.760 --> 0:18:45.480 egg thing where like I can't tell if I was 0:18:45.520 --> 0:18:50.439 depressed because I was nauseous or if I was depressed anyway, 0:18:50.440 --> 0:18:52.919 but I would have these waves of nausea, and with 0:18:53.040 --> 0:18:55.720 the nausea came emotions and kind of an anxiety and 0:18:55.760 --> 0:18:58.440 depression because it's just your hormones are going fucking nuts. 0:18:58.600 --> 0:19:04.120 And there was something that happened where time I might 0:19:04.119 --> 0:19:06.680 say it in especial, but like time basically became very 0:19:06.720 --> 0:19:09.920 real that suddenly I was picturing I was not only 0:19:10.200 --> 0:19:12.439 looking at these apps that was like, okay, your babies 0:19:12.480 --> 0:19:15.440 three weeks, five weeks, you know, ten weeks, fifteen weeks 0:19:15.520 --> 0:19:17.880 or whatever, but also I was you know, you start 0:19:17.920 --> 0:19:21.399 to think about preschools, and then you start to go, okay, 0:19:21.400 --> 0:19:23.840 well what public school district I'm in? And you start 0:19:23.880 --> 0:19:26.560 thinking about your life in a concrete way that you 0:19:26.560 --> 0:19:29.560 you don't otherwise do. And I think that being in 0:19:30.040 --> 0:19:33.600 entertainment and comedy kind of flattens out age in a 0:19:33.680 --> 0:19:35.359 real way, like I never really know how old anyone 0:19:35.480 --> 0:19:38.280 is because everyone kind of seems anyway. I don't know 0:19:38.320 --> 0:19:43.240 it it keeps people young, Yeah, that's true, it really does. 0:19:43.280 --> 0:19:45.320 And so it was one of the first times in 0:19:45.359 --> 0:19:49.000 life that I really started to think about grown up, 0:19:49.920 --> 0:19:54.080 grown up stuff in the future in that concrete way 0:19:54.119 --> 0:19:55.639 of like what school is she going to go to? 0:19:55.680 --> 0:19:57.679 How are we going to save for college? And it 0:19:57.800 --> 0:20:01.480 suddenly put time and and everything to do with time. 0:20:01.560 --> 0:20:03.159 It made it, It made it like too real. It 0:20:03.160 --> 0:20:05.520 felt like I was suddenly on mushrooms. And then I 0:20:05.680 --> 0:20:08.160 just thought about my dog because at a certain point 0:20:08.880 --> 0:20:11.399 picturing my dog at age five, at age six seventy eight, 0:20:11.440 --> 0:20:13.640 a certain point, the dog's not going to be there, 0:20:14.080 --> 0:20:19.120 and it just made me so sad. Yeah, I can imagine. 0:20:19.160 --> 0:20:20.960 It just made me think, like what if children were 0:20:20.960 --> 0:20:23.360 only here for a short period of time? Like that's 0:20:23.400 --> 0:20:25.240 what I just started thinking about when you started saying 0:20:25.240 --> 0:20:26.919 that about dogs, Like what if we only had children 0:20:26.960 --> 0:20:29.280 for ten or fifteen years? I mean, can you imagine 0:20:29.440 --> 0:20:31.920 they would That would make the dog thing seem so easy. 0:20:32.640 --> 0:20:35.040 I don't have an end of life thing with my dogs, 0:20:35.040 --> 0:20:37.680 like I accept it because they're all rescues. I always 0:20:37.680 --> 0:20:40.840 get them halfway through their life anyway, or in Doug's case, 0:20:40.880 --> 0:20:45.000 my most recent acquisition, he was nine months and that's 0:20:45.040 --> 0:20:47.480 the youngest dog I've ever gotten. So that's just a 0:20:47.560 --> 0:20:49.200 huge advantage for me because I know I'm going to 0:20:49.240 --> 0:20:50.639 get a good ten years out of him, you know. 0:20:51.320 --> 0:20:53.280 But whenever my dogs have left. 0:20:53.680 --> 0:20:55.760 It's interesting that you talk about that because you know, 0:20:55.800 --> 0:20:58.399 obviously I've never had a full term pregnancy, but to 0:20:58.480 --> 0:21:00.879 think about the thoughts that you would have about death 0:21:00.920 --> 0:21:03.400 and when you're about to give birth, because I find 0:21:03.400 --> 0:21:06.159 that those two things dovetail quite often in lives, like 0:21:06.240 --> 0:21:08.600 you lose a father or a loved one right. 0:21:08.440 --> 0:21:09.840 Before somebody has a baby. 0:21:10.000 --> 0:21:13.159 That's always seems to be a very common occurrence, and 0:21:13.200 --> 0:21:14.840 so I could see why it would bring up all 0:21:14.840 --> 0:21:15.520 those thoughts. 0:21:15.960 --> 0:21:18.840 Yeah, I mean, it's primal, it's bloody, it's it's all. 0:21:19.400 --> 0:21:22.120 It's first breath, last breath. We're all just we all 0:21:22.160 --> 0:21:26.560 just come from like goo and muck and come and 0:21:26.600 --> 0:21:30.520 come like it's all. I was in Atlanta, because everything 0:21:30.520 --> 0:21:32.520 films in Atlanta. My husband was doing something in Atlanta, 0:21:32.520 --> 0:21:34.159 and I was walking around and there was like a 0:21:34.280 --> 0:21:37.000 kind of swampy place that was teeming with life, and 0:21:37.040 --> 0:21:39.200 it also stunk, and I was like, this is life. 0:21:39.480 --> 0:21:43.480 Life is just stinky goo. And the stinkier and gooier 0:21:44.280 --> 0:21:47.639 the more it's filled with all sorts of life. And 0:21:47.640 --> 0:21:50.520 that's what life is, right, We're all just like stinky 0:21:50.520 --> 0:21:54.840 piles of goo, and so giving birth is a stinky pile. 0:21:55.680 --> 0:21:58.760 And then also like you know, carrying, you know, when 0:21:58.760 --> 0:22:01.880 you're pregnant, the stuff that starts coming out of your vagina, 0:22:02.480 --> 0:22:06.600 and I mean the smells, like your vagina starts smelling 0:22:06.640 --> 0:22:09.280 and it's just but that's it's life, you know, and 0:22:09.320 --> 0:22:11.240 like when you're ovulating, Like there have you ever looked 0:22:11.240 --> 0:22:12.520 at like pictures of cervixes. 0:22:13.080 --> 0:22:14.040 I actually have seen it. 0:22:14.040 --> 0:22:16.960 It's really interesting, right that, Like, I mean, I don't 0:22:17.000 --> 0:22:18.320 know if I could pick one out of a lineup, 0:22:18.359 --> 0:22:20.840 but I have seen them. Yeah, they're like it's like 0:22:20.880 --> 0:22:24.399 they look like little wet buttholes as opposed to a 0:22:24.520 --> 0:22:27.320 dry butthole, as opposed to a drive a little dry buttle, 0:22:27.520 --> 0:22:31.040 and they're like pink. But what's interesting is when a 0:22:31.080 --> 0:22:34.359 person with a cervix is like fertile, it's like covered 0:22:34.400 --> 0:22:37.639 in gunk. It's like gooey, it's like meant to be gooey. 0:22:37.760 --> 0:22:41.160 And when it's like dry, it's just past your period, 0:22:41.240 --> 0:22:45.200 when like you're not meant to take in sperm and so. 0:22:45.240 --> 0:22:48.600 Like it's all just like blood and goo and death. 0:22:48.600 --> 0:22:51.000 And I think there's a line, oh, Summer in Smoke. 0:22:51.040 --> 0:22:53.000 I think it's a Tennessee William the Tennessee Ones play. 0:22:53.359 --> 0:22:55.840 The lead of that show is studying to be a 0:22:55.880 --> 0:22:58.240 medical student, and he's saying to the other, to the 0:22:58.240 --> 0:23:01.320 woman in the show, Alma, he's saying, like he's pulling 0:23:01.359 --> 0:23:04.000 down an anatomy picture and he's like, this is what 0:23:04.040 --> 0:23:06.560 we are. We're and I'm paraphrase, but he's like, we're 0:23:06.600 --> 0:23:11.800 just meet, we're just good, We're just disgusting on the inside. 0:23:11.800 --> 0:23:16.560 And that's like that's what pregnancy really mired me in. 0:23:16.680 --> 0:23:19.120 And then I actually gave birth and saw I mean, 0:23:19.480 --> 0:23:22.520 I'll never forget, like looking across the way there's like 0:23:22.560 --> 0:23:24.720 a giant mirror in the room where I gave birth 0:23:25.320 --> 0:23:28.760 and seeing the sight of like after I gave birth, 0:23:28.880 --> 0:23:32.360 my open vagina with the placenta at the surface and 0:23:32.600 --> 0:23:34.720 still seeing a little bit of the umbilical core coming 0:23:34.760 --> 0:23:38.160 out of it. I remember what that looked like. It's gross, 0:23:38.240 --> 0:23:42.359 it's fucking weird, it's but it's life. 0:23:42.760 --> 0:23:45.199 My cousin just gave birth and her asshole was inside 0:23:45.200 --> 0:23:47.800 out once she got done giving birth, like inside out, 0:23:47.840 --> 0:23:50.040 and my cousin other cousin was describing it to me, 0:23:50.080 --> 0:23:52.239 and I'm like, I just can't picture exactly what that 0:23:52.280 --> 0:23:54.520 looks like. And she's like, don't worry about it, but 0:23:54.640 --> 0:23:57.719 like her vagina lips her inside of her vagina, just 0:23:57.800 --> 0:24:01.600 on the table lying there, and it's like, oh my god, 0:24:01.720 --> 0:24:04.879 it's so treacherous to even think about. 0:24:05.000 --> 0:24:07.200 Oh I've only had one, but my vagina. Are you 0:24:07.200 --> 0:24:09.480 gonna have more babies? I think I'm just one and done. 0:24:09.560 --> 0:24:12.760 But I now there's a Sea Monster aesthetic with my vagina. 0:24:13.040 --> 0:24:15.440 Now from Sea Monster. 0:24:15.119 --> 0:24:17.240 There's there's like a little bit of prolapse with it, 0:24:17.280 --> 0:24:19.199 where like if you look at my vagina, it's like 0:24:19.680 --> 0:24:20.920 it just looks like someone going. 0:24:23.760 --> 0:24:24.159 Is what it is? 0:24:24.200 --> 0:24:25.720 And I've asked, I asked doctor like is normal and 0:24:25.760 --> 0:24:28.280 she's like, here, You're fine. It's just you pushed a 0:24:28.359 --> 0:24:29.480 huge thing out of your vagina. 0:24:29.520 --> 0:24:32.280 So it's just like, so back to male comics speaking 0:24:32.359 --> 0:24:35.440 of that, So what is your experience so when you're 0:24:35.440 --> 0:24:38.240 doing because you're doing stand up now, I mean obviously 0:24:38.280 --> 0:24:41.040 you're special, you're doing stand up. How is your experience 0:24:41.080 --> 0:24:43.000 been dealing with men in the stand up world? 0:24:43.160 --> 0:24:46.600 Really? I think that they're a lot nicer. I think 0:24:46.720 --> 0:24:49.040 generally the culture has gotten a lot nicer. And also 0:24:49.840 --> 0:24:53.040 I'm coming into these spaces now with some acclaim. 0:24:52.960 --> 0:24:55.159 Right, which changes how people treat you. 0:24:55.240 --> 0:24:58.120 Like it's I don't even know if the way I've 0:24:58.119 --> 0:25:00.800 interacted with certain toxic people is gender. I think it's 0:25:01.680 --> 0:25:04.400 some people are just shitty to everyone, Like I can't 0:25:04.440 --> 0:25:06.000 really parse out how much of it is because I'm 0:25:06.000 --> 0:25:07.200 a girl, and how much of it is just because 0:25:07.200 --> 0:25:09.600 I was. You know, when you're low on the totem 0:25:09.600 --> 0:25:13.280 pole and you're clearly insecure, you're just an easy punching bag. 0:25:14.119 --> 0:25:18.439 So now if I come into a comedy space I 0:25:18.600 --> 0:25:21.280 have there's a certain amount of power that I have. 0:25:21.800 --> 0:25:24.440 And maybe it's that I carry myself with more confidence, 0:25:25.160 --> 0:25:27.200 or it's just people aren't as mean. 0:25:27.560 --> 0:25:29.719 Yeah, I think that's an important thing to recognize as 0:25:29.760 --> 0:25:32.720 a woman, Like for everyone who's listening who people call 0:25:32.760 --> 0:25:35.000 in all the time asking like how do you get confident? 0:25:35.119 --> 0:25:36.600 Or how do you you know, I always want to 0:25:36.640 --> 0:25:39.239 inject to everybody with confidence because it is true. Like 0:25:39.320 --> 0:25:41.880 sometimes you do have to fake it because you can 0:25:41.960 --> 0:25:45.520 smell insecurity on people and that's not a quality that 0:25:45.600 --> 0:25:48.119 you want to be putting forward. So even if you 0:25:48.160 --> 0:25:51.520 have to fake being confident, whatever you think that might be, 0:25:52.119 --> 0:25:54.640 or if you're mimicking someone else you know that's confident, 0:25:54.720 --> 0:25:57.560 like that is a worthwhile endeavor because I do believe 0:25:57.560 --> 0:25:58.879 in faking it until you make it. 0:25:58.920 --> 0:26:01.160 I do believe that if you act the. 0:26:01.119 --> 0:26:04.440 Part, like you know, I pretended I was wealthy and successful. 0:26:04.680 --> 0:26:07.320 Long before I was, I was waiting tables and taking 0:26:07.320 --> 0:26:08.960 people out to dinner, like I've got the tab. 0:26:09.000 --> 0:26:10.720 They're like, you're a waitress. I'm like, Oh, don't worry, 0:26:10.720 --> 0:26:11.600 I've got money coming. 0:26:11.960 --> 0:26:14.640 Like I believe that about myself and it turned out 0:26:14.640 --> 0:26:15.240 to be true. 0:26:15.600 --> 0:26:17.719 And I really do believe in faking it until you 0:26:17.760 --> 0:26:18.080 make it. 0:26:18.119 --> 0:26:21.080 I do believe that in all areas, not just confidence 0:26:21.119 --> 0:26:23.720 and not just career, but in all areas, Like I'm 0:26:23.720 --> 0:26:26.480 going to have a successful relationship, a romantic relationship. If 0:26:26.520 --> 0:26:28.520 that's what you want, you have to act like that's 0:26:28.520 --> 0:26:29.520 what's going to happen. 0:26:30.040 --> 0:26:34.040 I guess what I wish i'd tried doing with some 0:26:34.119 --> 0:26:36.960 of these guys early in my career is I wish 0:26:37.000 --> 0:26:40.320 I would have been like, hey, can we get lunch, 0:26:40.960 --> 0:26:42.560 and then just at lunch, and this is a very 0:26:42.560 --> 0:26:44.439 female thing, been like I think you're so funny, like 0:26:44.760 --> 0:26:46.280 just I'd love to talk to you more about it. 0:26:46.600 --> 0:26:49.800 And because that way then they can't bully someone or 0:26:49.840 --> 0:26:51.560 maybe they still can. Who like took them out to 0:26:51.640 --> 0:26:53.280 lunch and was like, yeah, you know, I'm still learning, 0:26:53.320 --> 0:26:56.480 like anything any help. It's a very indirect female way 0:26:56.520 --> 0:26:57.920 to deal with the problem. But like, I wish I'd 0:26:57.960 --> 0:26:59.960 tried killing them with kindness more just to see what 0:27:00.080 --> 0:27:00.720 would have happened. 0:27:01.000 --> 0:27:03.399 I mean, it's interesting to think about that, but again 0:27:03.560 --> 0:27:06.440 I feel like that's like that's us having to give 0:27:06.480 --> 0:27:10.400 them and to assuage their ego to make them like us. 0:27:10.440 --> 0:27:11.359 And it's like, fuck you. 0:27:12.040 --> 0:27:14.400 I get what you're saying, but I also am like, no, no, no, 0:27:14.440 --> 0:27:16.960 I'm not going out of my way. I deserve as 0:27:17.040 --> 0:27:19.800 much as respect as anyone standing here, even before I 0:27:19.880 --> 0:27:23.480 was successful, just because just because it takes so much 0:27:23.520 --> 0:27:25.879 guts to do what we do. You know, you have 0:27:25.960 --> 0:27:28.040 to be brave. It's already you're already dealing with a 0:27:28.080 --> 0:27:30.200 live audience. Now I need people behind the scenes being 0:27:30.200 --> 0:27:30.840 assholes too. 0:27:30.960 --> 0:27:33.280 So on stage, I have that courage that you're talking about. 0:27:33.359 --> 0:27:34.840 Or is there something that happens when I'm on stage 0:27:34.840 --> 0:27:38.120 that I'm like, yeah, I fucking belong here. Off stage, 0:27:39.080 --> 0:27:42.240 I don't. I'm wildly more sensitive. Yeah, it's just like 0:27:42.280 --> 0:27:45.040 who I am, and it's something I'm actively still working on. 0:27:45.240 --> 0:27:47.280 Well, because I don't think you can change the fact 0:27:47.320 --> 0:27:50.239 that you're sensitive, but you can change your reaction to 0:27:50.320 --> 0:27:51.240 your sensitivity. 0:27:51.400 --> 0:27:52.320 Yeah, right. 0:27:52.920 --> 0:27:55.399 Yeah. What I'm working on too is beating myself up 0:27:55.480 --> 0:27:57.640 less for being sensitive because of not Because that's what's 0:27:57.640 --> 0:27:59.520 bad is when you're sensitive and then you go, why 0:27:59.600 --> 0:28:01.359 why the fuck you letting this bother? You're such a 0:28:01.440 --> 0:28:03.920 you're such a fucking idiot. Now you're sensitive and you're 0:28:03.920 --> 0:28:06.399 calling yourself fucking idiot. Of course, you know, it's like 0:28:06.520 --> 0:28:09.360 internet comments being the best example of like, don't read 0:28:09.400 --> 0:28:11.680 Internet comments, and it's like, well, great, now I'm telling 0:28:11.680 --> 0:28:14.359 myself don't read Internet comments, and I feel sensitive. So 0:28:14.400 --> 0:28:17.280 it's like berating yourself doesn't help. 0:28:17.560 --> 0:28:20.240 No, it does not help. You have to be talking 0:28:20.400 --> 0:28:22.040 very positively to yourself. 0:28:22.560 --> 0:28:25.919 We all do, yeah, especially now, you know, during this 0:28:26.000 --> 0:28:28.280 kind of period of time we're all living in where 0:28:28.320 --> 0:28:29.840 we don't know what the fuck the world is going 0:28:29.880 --> 0:28:31.399 to come to, at least the world that we knew. 0:28:31.680 --> 0:28:33.919 You know, we grew up in America, we thought like 0:28:33.960 --> 0:28:36.959 democracy is a thing that is indestructible, and now we're like, 0:28:37.040 --> 0:28:39.560 oh my god, if any of these people, you know, 0:28:39.800 --> 0:28:42.680 like these cabinet pigs go through, what happens to the FBI, 0:28:42.760 --> 0:28:45.160 what happens to all of our you know, government agencies, 0:28:45.640 --> 0:28:47.960 And you're like what I know to be true might 0:28:47.960 --> 0:28:50.240 not be true at all, or might not be true 0:28:50.320 --> 0:28:51.400 for very much longer. 0:28:51.440 --> 0:28:53.160 I mean when Whmber when the biggest news was the 0:28:53.200 --> 0:28:57.080 President got a blowjob and stuck a cigar up someone's. 0:28:56.800 --> 0:28:59.480 Yeah, Hue, Yeah, I remember that. 0:28:59.480 --> 0:29:01.760 Was the biggest news. That's how I found out what 0:29:01.760 --> 0:29:02.480 blowjobs were. 0:29:03.200 --> 0:29:07.480 All I remember thinking about that was I remember when 0:29:07.520 --> 0:29:10.480 that story came out, and I thought, now, because every 0:29:10.480 --> 0:29:13.160 father knows their daughter is being sexually active, but they're 0:29:13.200 --> 0:29:15.480 not thinking about it. They're putting it to the back 0:29:15.480 --> 0:29:17.280 of their mind. They're like, I don't want to think 0:29:17.280 --> 0:29:19.360 about them, and I'm certainly not going to envision my 0:29:19.440 --> 0:29:23.840 daughter sucking someone's dick. And then poor Monica Leuminsky's father 0:29:24.440 --> 0:29:28.360 knew for sure that her daughter was giving a blowjob 0:29:28.480 --> 0:29:32.240 and knew that about the cigar, Like, I could not 0:29:32.400 --> 0:29:34.560 get that out of my head. I think the first 0:29:34.600 --> 0:29:37.240 time I met Monica, no, I think I knew I 0:29:37.320 --> 0:29:39.600 was smart enough not to tell her that. Anyway, She's 0:29:39.640 --> 0:29:41.080 coming on the podcast soon and we can talk to her. 0:29:41.280 --> 0:29:46.080 I'm such a fan. Also, my dad went was law school. 0:29:46.120 --> 0:29:48.520 He knew someone involved in the case at the time, 0:29:48.560 --> 0:29:52.000 and at the time, I was like eleven, and I'd 0:29:52.040 --> 0:29:53.640 met the guy like a couple times before. I think 0:29:53.640 --> 0:29:55.120 he was really close with my dad when I was younger, 0:29:55.120 --> 0:29:57.000 and he said something to my dad like, you know, 0:29:57.040 --> 0:29:58.920 I was very close with Monica's family, and obviously if 0:29:58.920 --> 0:30:02.200 anything like this were to ever with Rachel, it helped out. 0:30:02.360 --> 0:30:07.440 My dad was like, Oh, my my eleven year old son, 0:30:08.600 --> 0:30:10.960 you're saying, if my eleven year old daughter ever sucks 0:30:11.000 --> 0:30:14.680 the president's cop. I don't know why I know this story, 0:30:15.760 --> 0:30:17.960 but it's been something I've wanted to talk to Monica. 0:30:19.280 --> 0:30:21.160 I want to tell something that Monica said to me. 0:30:21.200 --> 0:30:23.080 I was we were at a friend's house the other 0:30:23.160 --> 0:30:25.240 night and Monica was there and she said this, and 0:30:25.320 --> 0:30:27.200 I think I think she wouldn't mind me sharing this. 0:30:27.680 --> 0:30:30.360 She said when she had the opportunity to vote for 0:30:30.440 --> 0:30:34.080 Hillary Clinton in twenty sixteen, not only did she take it, 0:30:34.720 --> 0:30:37.640 but after she voted for her, she started to make 0:30:37.680 --> 0:30:41.480 plans to move to England because she knew that this 0:30:41.640 --> 0:30:42.920 wasn't going to be a great place for her to 0:30:42.960 --> 0:30:45.040 live with Hillary Clinton as the president. Not that Hillary 0:30:45.040 --> 0:30:48.440 Clinton was threatening her in any way, but just societally speaking, 0:30:48.520 --> 0:30:52.160 being the woman that did that in such a public way, 0:30:52.560 --> 0:30:55.400 and now Hillary Clinton was the President of the United States. 0:30:55.400 --> 0:30:57.200 She just thought she would be safer in the UK 0:30:57.600 --> 0:31:00.719 and at the same time cast her ballot for Hillary Clinton. 0:31:01.120 --> 0:31:02.000 And I got. 0:31:01.840 --> 0:31:04.360 Doosbussed when she told me that, because I was like, Wow, 0:31:04.520 --> 0:31:07.560 what a fucking predicament, you know, what a thing to 0:31:07.640 --> 0:31:09.920 have to do and a thing to have to consider. 0:31:10.640 --> 0:31:12.720 On that note, we're going to take a break and 0:31:12.760 --> 0:31:18.600 we're going to be right back with Rachel Bloom. 0:31:19.000 --> 0:31:20.640 And we're back with Rachel Bloom. 0:31:20.880 --> 0:31:23.040 We are back, and we're going to take some colors 0:31:23.040 --> 0:31:23.600 and some emails. 0:31:23.600 --> 0:31:25.640 We're giving advice. Yes, okay, are you ready? 0:31:25.720 --> 0:31:25.960 Yep? 0:31:26.160 --> 0:31:30.720 All right. We'll start with an email. This comes from Jen. 0:31:31.440 --> 0:31:35.400 Jen says dear Chelsea, longtime listener, first time writer. My 0:31:35.480 --> 0:31:37.719 husband and I, both in our mid forties, have been 0:31:37.720 --> 0:31:40.560 married for ten years. We have one son together, and 0:31:40.640 --> 0:31:43.160 he has a son from a previous relationship, so two kids. 0:31:43.400 --> 0:31:45.680 We have started the divorce process and hope for it 0:31:45.720 --> 0:31:48.000 to be final in the spring. We haven't told the 0:31:48.080 --> 0:31:50.080 kids and we'll wait until we know what's happening with 0:31:50.120 --> 0:31:52.720 the house, etc. We're still living under one roof and 0:31:52.760 --> 0:31:56.880 are mostly cordial. It's never been a real outwardly affectionate relationship, 0:31:56.960 --> 0:32:00.360 so not many changes there. Here's the deal. He soon 0:32:00.400 --> 0:32:03.160 to be X has not told his parents. They're in 0:32:03.160 --> 0:32:05.440 their eighties and his dad is not doing so great 0:32:05.520 --> 0:32:08.000 but okay enough that he's still at home with his 0:32:08.040 --> 0:32:10.880 wife as his primary caregiver. They live close enough to 0:32:10.960 --> 0:32:13.200 us that their family gathers on short notice about once 0:32:13.240 --> 0:32:15.600 a week. I've been able to avoid these gatherings or 0:32:15.600 --> 0:32:17.920 stop by for a couple of minutes with an excuse 0:32:17.960 --> 0:32:21.000 to get out of there. Our anniversary gross was a 0:32:21.040 --> 0:32:23.920 couple of weeks ago. This past weekend and my soon 0:32:23.960 --> 0:32:26.120 to be ex asked if I would stop by their 0:32:26.120 --> 0:32:30.440 house so they could give us an anniversary card. I declined. 0:32:31.520 --> 0:32:33.520 My issue is that I'm starting to look like an 0:32:33.560 --> 0:32:36.240 asshole because their son is lying to them. My soon 0:32:36.280 --> 0:32:38.000 to be X says he's not telling them because of 0:32:38.040 --> 0:32:41.040 their health conditions. My friend and family circle know the 0:32:41.120 --> 0:32:43.000 details of what is going on, as I don't lie 0:32:43.000 --> 0:32:45.160 to those that I'm close with. Am I wrong for 0:32:45.280 --> 0:32:47.920 declining all of the family interaction? Do I go along 0:32:47.960 --> 0:32:50.520 with this lie? What sort of family acts like this? 0:32:50.960 --> 0:32:52.640 Love your show, Jen Boy? 0:32:52.840 --> 0:32:56.360 You go first. That's a really unfair situation to be 0:32:56.360 --> 0:33:00.200 put in. Absolutely, I don't know how sick his parents are, 0:33:00.240 --> 0:33:02.400 Like there's a parson that's like, is there a different 0:33:02.520 --> 0:33:04.959 lie he could tell? So that that doesn't involve you 0:33:04.960 --> 0:33:07.320 because like you can't control that he's lying. Well, you 0:33:07.360 --> 0:33:10.560 can't control is like I'm not participating. So can he 0:33:11.320 --> 0:33:13.000 say that you're going through a mental health thing and 0:33:13.000 --> 0:33:15.040 he doesn't want to discuss it. But you'll be a 0:33:15.040 --> 0:33:16.880 little But I don't know the victim of that lie? No, 0:33:16.920 --> 0:33:19.560 you're right, you're right, I mean I guess he's Look, 0:33:19.640 --> 0:33:21.719 the solution is just fucking tell his parents. 0:33:21.760 --> 0:33:24.760 Well, also I would just this is another mel Robbins. 0:33:24.880 --> 0:33:26.960 Let them let him, let him lie all he wants, 0:33:27.000 --> 0:33:28.480 but do not participate in is lying? 0:33:28.520 --> 0:33:29.040 Fuck off? 0:33:29.560 --> 0:33:31.760 Like a people are is there your ex in laws? Now? 0:33:31.800 --> 0:33:33.200 Like people are sick all the time. 0:33:33.280 --> 0:33:35.440 Also, by the way, like yes, I was gonna say, 0:33:35.480 --> 0:33:37.120 I was gonna say the same thing, how sick are they? 0:33:37.160 --> 0:33:40.280 But also that's not your problem. Your marriage is ending. 0:33:40.320 --> 0:33:42.240 You need closure. Everyone needs to know about it. 0:33:42.360 --> 0:33:43.080 They're going to find out. 0:33:43.120 --> 0:33:44.880 They're going to find out, and you don't want to 0:33:44.880 --> 0:33:47.920 be an asshole for participating in the lie. You know, 0:33:48.000 --> 0:33:51.120 So I would say extricate yourself from that and let 0:33:51.200 --> 0:33:53.480 him tell them and say you're not doing anything anymore 0:33:53.520 --> 0:33:54.440 with them, and if they. 0:33:54.320 --> 0:33:56.480 Think you're or if he doesn't, if he's still lying 0:33:56.480 --> 0:33:58.240 and they just think you're a bitch, then like, okay, 0:33:58.920 --> 0:33:59.960 they're not your in laws anymore. 0:34:00.120 --> 0:34:02.000 Or you can also say hey, if you don't tell them, 0:34:02.040 --> 0:34:04.040 I will, but then that puts the onus on you, 0:34:04.080 --> 0:34:05.760 and you don't need that kind of onus to have 0:34:05.800 --> 0:34:07.160 to tell them, because what if he doesn't tell them 0:34:07.200 --> 0:34:08.960 and then you do have to tell them, you can 0:34:09.000 --> 0:34:11.680 threaten to do that, and then when he doesn't tell them, 0:34:11.760 --> 0:34:14.000 just you know, just I don't know. 0:34:14.120 --> 0:34:15.719 Hopefully kids know, right, No. 0:34:15.800 --> 0:34:17.560 The kids don't know because they're ready to see what 0:34:17.600 --> 0:34:19.640 happens with the house. I feel like that might be 0:34:19.680 --> 0:34:20.759 the turning point here. 0:34:21.000 --> 0:34:22.719 That's when you can start being like fuck it if 0:34:22.760 --> 0:34:23.239 the kids know. 0:34:23.400 --> 0:34:26.800 But there's no obligation to participate in seeing his parents 0:34:26.840 --> 0:34:30.440 all the time. Just just say you're not yeah, whatever, 0:34:30.960 --> 0:34:33.439 like whatever you need to say. But you also don't 0:34:33.480 --> 0:34:35.400 have to lie for other people. And I'm sick of 0:34:35.440 --> 0:34:38.280 people wanting you to participate in their lives. 0:34:38.360 --> 0:34:40.080 I mean, at some point the parents are going to 0:34:40.080 --> 0:34:42.000 be like, do we do something wrong that you're not 0:34:42.040 --> 0:34:44.759 coming over? And at that point it's like, we're getting 0:34:44.760 --> 0:34:45.200 a divorce. 0:34:45.360 --> 0:34:47.440 Yeah, but there's not tell you it's not your problem 0:34:47.600 --> 0:34:50.680 unless they call her specifically, and at which point she 0:34:50.719 --> 0:34:52.439 could be like, yeah, we're getting divorced, exactly right. 0:34:52.480 --> 0:34:53.239 I thought he told you. 0:34:53.280 --> 0:34:55.360 But if they just think you're an asshole, that's not 0:34:55.680 --> 0:34:56.880 your problem. Yeah. 0:34:56.960 --> 0:34:59.040 Yeah, you won't be dealing with them for very long anyway, 0:34:59.080 --> 0:35:00.319 if you're getting divorced. 0:35:00.160 --> 0:35:01.960 Yeah, I would have assumed your son would have told you. 0:35:02.000 --> 0:35:03.560 I think is the line after. 0:35:03.480 --> 0:35:04.920 Like, oh no, we're problem solved. 0:35:04.960 --> 0:35:09.000 There you go, all right, Well, our next caller Maya Wrights. 0:35:09.600 --> 0:35:12.840 Dear Chelsea. I probably don't need to explain why dating 0:35:12.920 --> 0:35:15.680 as an Israeli American has been daunting and scary this year. 0:35:16.000 --> 0:35:18.480 I barely identify as Jewish. My mom has to tell 0:35:18.480 --> 0:35:20.080 me when all the holidays are and to show up 0:35:20.120 --> 0:35:22.799 for dinner. But your nationality, of course, is something that's 0:35:22.800 --> 0:35:26.000 hard to hide. Before this year, my dual nationality was 0:35:26.000 --> 0:35:27.759 something I was more than happy to share up front, 0:35:27.800 --> 0:35:29.960 because it's a core part of my upbringing, but now 0:35:30.000 --> 0:35:31.960 I feel like I have to hide it because who 0:35:32.000 --> 0:35:34.000 knows who's on the other side of these dating apps. 0:35:34.320 --> 0:35:36.479 I'm a bleeding liberal too, so it's a higher chance 0:35:36.520 --> 0:35:39.560 that the like minded liberals I'm seeking are also anti Israel. 0:35:40.280 --> 0:35:42.840 I'm fully American passing since I grew up in the US, 0:35:43.040 --> 0:35:44.719 so I can, of course just not mention it when 0:35:44.800 --> 0:35:47.400 chatting in an app. But honestly, it's such an emotional 0:35:47.400 --> 0:35:49.400 issue for people right now, I do not want to 0:35:49.400 --> 0:35:52.920 be the recipient of someone's misdirected rage. Dating is already 0:35:52.920 --> 0:35:55.200 brutal enough, and this has tipped me over the edge 0:35:55.239 --> 0:35:58.200 towards just giving up. I've tried putting Jewish filter on 0:35:58.239 --> 0:36:00.800 the apps, but I live in Texas, so after swiping 0:36:00.800 --> 0:36:03.320 through the five Jewish men, I see no one is left. 0:36:03.719 --> 0:36:03.879 There. 0:36:03.920 --> 0:36:06.440 Also, isn't a Jewish organization I've been able to find 0:36:06.480 --> 0:36:09.239 to meet people in real life that's not religious. I'm agnostic. 0:36:09.960 --> 0:36:11.759 I'm really happy on my own and live close to 0:36:11.800 --> 0:36:13.840 family and great friends, so moving for the sake of 0:36:13.920 --> 0:36:16.359 dating really is of no interest to me. I don't 0:36:16.360 --> 0:36:18.480 at all feel desperate for a relationship, but I do 0:36:18.520 --> 0:36:20.440 want to find my person and it doesn't seem like 0:36:20.480 --> 0:36:24.120 the geopolitical circumstances are going to change anytime soon. I 0:36:24.120 --> 0:36:26.000 guess the gist of my question is, if I don't 0:36:26.000 --> 0:36:28.080 want to shut myself off to a wider pool of 0:36:28.120 --> 0:36:31.319 non Jewish men in an already challenging dating world, how 0:36:31.320 --> 0:36:34.160 can I approach dating in an open and optimistic way 0:36:34.280 --> 0:36:37.400 that still preserves my emotional safety instead of out of fear? 0:36:37.920 --> 0:36:41.600 Any advice? Maybe your one straight, single, agnostic Jewish man 0:36:41.760 --> 0:36:44.160 or his sisters are listening, Maya. 0:36:44.400 --> 0:36:45.720 Well, hopefully they are listening. 0:36:45.800 --> 0:36:47.080 Hi, Maya. 0:36:47.160 --> 0:36:49.840 Hi, Hi, this is our special guest, Rachel Blue is 0:36:49.880 --> 0:36:50.360 here today. 0:36:51.080 --> 0:36:51.560 Awesome. 0:36:51.920 --> 0:36:56.719 Hi, Hi, You've got Jews in the house. So what 0:36:56.880 --> 0:36:57.879 dating apps are you on? 0:36:58.360 --> 0:37:00.759 I've kind of well, currently I'm not super active, but 0:37:00.880 --> 0:37:03.799 usually whenever I join its hinge mm hmm. 0:37:04.120 --> 0:37:07.040 And do you like present yourself as Israeli? You don't, 0:37:07.280 --> 0:37:08.360 You're just no. 0:37:08.680 --> 0:37:11.839 I used to, you know, pre last year, and now 0:37:11.880 --> 0:37:15.239 it's just kind of I don't know. It's such a 0:37:15.239 --> 0:37:18.080 polarizing topic that I don't know. I feel like it 0:37:18.239 --> 0:37:20.240 will automatically turn a lot of people away. 0:37:20.600 --> 0:37:20.799 Yeah. 0:37:20.840 --> 0:37:24.560 Absolutely, Like I don't think it's it's worth advertising you 0:37:24.560 --> 0:37:26.000 know what I mean, you don't have to be like, 0:37:26.080 --> 0:37:29.760 I'm Israel, because that almost sounds like you're only. 0:37:29.680 --> 0:37:32.480 Like you know, it makes political sea making a political. 0:37:32.239 --> 0:37:34.880 State also, and it also centers your identity in a 0:37:34.920 --> 0:37:37.120 way that like might not be relevant to you too 0:37:37.400 --> 0:37:41.319 to actually you're dating life at all. For sure. It's like, sure, 0:37:41.480 --> 0:37:42.960 if I put on a ding provle like I am 0:37:42.960 --> 0:37:46.280 of Ukrainian descent, Okay, like what I mean, what. 0:37:46.400 --> 0:37:48.440 Yeah, yeah, Like I grew up in the States, and 0:37:48.520 --> 0:37:51.640 so it's like, sure, you know I have family there 0:37:51.760 --> 0:37:55.840 and I speak Hebrew, but it's not my current identity, 0:37:55.920 --> 0:37:56.479 I would say. 0:37:56.560 --> 0:37:59.520 And have you experienced men being like once they find 0:37:59.560 --> 0:38:01.560 out that you or Israel aid that, don't they don't 0:38:01.560 --> 0:38:03.600 want to date you? 0:38:03.640 --> 0:38:07.319 No. But I also honestly have just been kind of 0:38:07.640 --> 0:38:10.160 nervous to go on the apps this year. I've just 0:38:10.200 --> 0:38:13.840 been actively avoiding it. I did. I did join hine 0:38:14.000 --> 0:38:17.640 last month for like a week. I chatted with a 0:38:17.680 --> 0:38:20.800 few people, didn't mention anything, set up a few dates, 0:38:21.480 --> 0:38:24.200 and then I just ended up canceling them all because 0:38:24.320 --> 0:38:27.120 just the thought of I don't know, I made me anxious. 0:38:27.360 --> 0:38:29.440 I know, but I don't think you should catastrophize the 0:38:29.480 --> 0:38:33.440 situation because a that is not a boiling point for 0:38:33.520 --> 0:38:37.200 every single person in this world. It's it's shameful that 0:38:37.360 --> 0:38:40.920 people are blaming anyone who's from Israel for Israel's policies. 0:38:41.000 --> 0:38:45.000 And listen, this conversation is an unwinnable conversation because there 0:38:45.239 --> 0:38:47.000 this has been going on for eons and eons. 0:38:47.040 --> 0:38:50.080 You can't help who you are like, Yeah, where anyone 0:38:50.120 --> 0:38:52.000 stands like this is literally just who. 0:38:51.840 --> 0:38:55.720 You are like, and that many people in this world 0:38:55.840 --> 0:38:58.840 have no have no interest in that at all. The 0:38:59.000 --> 0:39:01.840 Palestinian Goaza, you know, the gods of conflict and Israeli 0:39:01.840 --> 0:39:03.160 gods of conflict. 0:39:03.320 --> 0:39:05.840 Many people don't even care about that. They don't understand it, 0:39:05.840 --> 0:39:06.920 they don't want to get involved. 0:39:07.160 --> 0:39:07.360 You know. 0:39:07.440 --> 0:39:10.800 I know we're dealing with this like movement that everyone 0:39:11.000 --> 0:39:14.040 you know that we're experiencing since October seventh, but that's 0:39:14.120 --> 0:39:16.799 not inclusive of the whole world. So I feel like 0:39:17.280 --> 0:39:21.279 you're projecting your worst fears onto your dating situation when 0:39:21.320 --> 0:39:23.560 it's not necessary to do that. If you go on 0:39:23.600 --> 0:39:25.480 a date with a guy, and you go out with 0:39:25.560 --> 0:39:27.680 him a couple of times, you're gonna get a sense 0:39:27.719 --> 0:39:29.480 of who he is and what he stands for, and 0:39:29.520 --> 0:39:33.360 if that's going to be something that he's staunchly against, 0:39:33.440 --> 0:39:37.480 and I would venture to guess that it won't be 0:39:37.760 --> 0:39:40.560 like it's You're not going to be only running into 0:39:40.640 --> 0:39:43.240 people that are pro Palestinian and anti Israel. 0:39:43.880 --> 0:39:45.120 Even though you're in Texas. 0:39:45.120 --> 0:39:47.560 There are still plenty of people who are not engaged 0:39:47.560 --> 0:39:50.000 in that conflict, who are not paying attention to that conflict. 0:39:50.239 --> 0:39:52.719 We're living in America, you know what I mean. There 0:39:52.760 --> 0:39:54.080 are a million things. 0:39:53.880 --> 0:39:56.120 Going on that people are interested in, and many people 0:39:56.200 --> 0:39:58.719 are not interested in politics. So I think you have 0:39:58.800 --> 0:40:01.319 to reframe the way that you're like looking into things. 0:40:01.320 --> 0:40:04.160 You don't need to represent yourself on the dating apps 0:40:04.200 --> 0:40:06.600 that way. I think what you need to do is 0:40:06.640 --> 0:40:09.520 be a little bit more open minded and try not 0:40:09.640 --> 0:40:12.560 to come from this place of fear and try to 0:40:12.600 --> 0:40:15.319 be like, you know, someone meets you three or four 0:40:15.360 --> 0:40:17.440 times and gets to know you, even if they do 0:40:17.480 --> 0:40:19.879 have strong feelings about that, they're gonna go, oh, well, wait, 0:40:20.200 --> 0:40:23.759 here's a perfect example of someone who's from Israel who 0:40:24.160 --> 0:40:27.279 is not. You know, whatever your position is, like, you're 0:40:27.280 --> 0:40:30.120 not a threat to that person. You don't have completely 0:40:30.120 --> 0:40:33.040 opposing views to that person. You probably would find that 0:40:33.080 --> 0:40:35.160 out sooner than three or four dates before you even 0:40:35.200 --> 0:40:38.000 reveal your personal life. And I feel like religion is 0:40:38.080 --> 0:40:41.600 personal and you're not even very religious. You said you're 0:40:41.640 --> 0:40:45.160 kind of agnostic, right, I mean I'm an agnostic Jew too. 0:40:45.200 --> 0:40:46.799 I relate to Jews absolutely. 0:40:46.840 --> 0:40:49.640 I was raised that way, and I'm very proud to 0:40:49.680 --> 0:40:53.520 be a Jewish person, but that doesn't preclude me from 0:40:53.880 --> 0:40:57.879 interacting with people who have different mindsets. And so give 0:40:57.920 --> 0:41:00.840 yourself a little bit more like wiggle room the dating area. 0:41:01.000 --> 0:41:03.600 You're gonna know someone and get to know someone a 0:41:03.600 --> 0:41:05.600 little bit before you even have to make that kind 0:41:05.600 --> 0:41:06.440 of decision or. 0:41:06.600 --> 0:41:12.719 Call as a fear based jew atheist jew. Two suggestions 0:41:12.719 --> 0:41:17.200 and questions. One have you considered jaswipe or does it suck? 0:41:17.520 --> 0:41:18.600 I've never actually heard of that. 0:41:18.880 --> 0:41:21.960 Maybe either, it's okay. So this is I've been. 0:41:21.800 --> 0:41:24.600 With my husband for sixteen years, so I never internet dated. 0:41:24.880 --> 0:41:27.880 So this is mom coming in. Jswipe is what I 0:41:27.920 --> 0:41:31.240 believe what Jada now is and it's its own app. 0:41:31.680 --> 0:41:33.440 If you're worried about because I get it like you're 0:41:33.480 --> 0:41:36.440 worried about just like someone coming at you for something 0:41:36.480 --> 0:41:40.279 you truly can't change about yourself. So I wonder, I 0:41:40.320 --> 0:41:43.800 just wonder about I've heard different things about jaswipe. Again, 0:41:44.080 --> 0:41:46.560 I apologize if I'm maybe I'm saying an app that 0:41:46.800 --> 0:41:49.480 is already defunked because I've never online dated. But the 0:41:49.560 --> 0:41:53.760 other thing is jswipe. The other thing is because I'm 0:41:53.920 --> 0:41:56.719 fully like an atheist. But I don't know how much 0:41:56.760 --> 0:42:00.719 you've checked out local temples and like Jewish organization, but like, 0:42:01.120 --> 0:42:03.759 and maybe this is like an LA thing, but there 0:42:03.880 --> 0:42:08.120 are some reform places that are like the God is optional. 0:42:08.200 --> 0:42:10.840 This is much more about the culture that I wonder 0:42:10.840 --> 0:42:13.080 if you did a little bit of poking around and digging, 0:42:13.320 --> 0:42:16.280 because there are certainly places like that in LA where 0:42:16.920 --> 0:42:22.040 you can fully like be an atheist and it's cool, 0:42:22.080 --> 0:42:24.400 like it's part of the culture of that place. And 0:42:24.480 --> 0:42:26.719 I wonder, I don't know what city you're at in Texas, 0:42:26.920 --> 0:42:31.160 but there are definitely places and Jewish spaces to go 0:42:31.200 --> 0:42:33.080 to that aren't just like, well, if you know, it's 0:42:33.120 --> 0:42:34.120 all about God. 0:42:34.360 --> 0:42:37.360 Yeah, I think you know, like you said, you're atheism agnostic. 0:42:37.760 --> 0:42:40.680 I think it is. I've avoided that kind of thing 0:42:40.719 --> 0:42:43.480 because to me, that is very religious centered. But you know, 0:42:43.480 --> 0:42:46.200 I don't know. I think there's one synagogue here. 0:42:46.040 --> 0:42:49.160 So yeah, But I mean, have you done research online 0:42:49.200 --> 0:42:51.880 and looked for any sort of like Jewish community stuff 0:42:51.960 --> 0:42:55.000 or Jewish dating stuff, because listen, you're not like, you're 0:42:55.000 --> 0:42:57.040 not the only Jewish person in Texas. 0:42:57.160 --> 0:42:59.320 And I guarantee you there are other people. 0:42:59.120 --> 0:43:01.080 Who are feeling the way that you're feeling that want 0:43:01.080 --> 0:43:03.960 to be congregating like with each other or dating with 0:43:04.040 --> 0:43:05.919 each other and mixing with each other. 0:43:06.120 --> 0:43:07.960 And it doesn't have to be religious based. 0:43:07.960 --> 0:43:10.040 I'm a reform Jew, like I was raised like that, 0:43:10.400 --> 0:43:12.680 and that's like, you know, it's just. 0:43:12.640 --> 0:43:14.640 Like the bare minimum of being a Jew. 0:43:14.880 --> 0:43:18.520 And it's very casual, you know, it's not like religious folk. 0:43:18.800 --> 0:43:20.080 It is culture focused. 0:43:20.120 --> 0:43:23.480 It's not as religious as like being a conservative or 0:43:23.880 --> 0:43:26.960 an orthodox Jewish person. And I understand that it can 0:43:26.960 --> 0:43:29.920 feel ostracizing, but I wouldn't give up hope that there 0:43:29.960 --> 0:43:32.160 are more communities that you just don't know about yet 0:43:32.360 --> 0:43:33.000 where you are. 0:43:33.080 --> 0:43:36.920 I bet you there's a JCC not too far. I mean, 0:43:37.120 --> 0:43:38.680 I don't know where you're at in Texas, but like 0:43:39.000 --> 0:43:41.399 a place like that that it's a Jewish Community center. 0:43:41.480 --> 0:43:41.840 That's so. 0:43:43.120 --> 0:43:46.120 I mean, I live in the most like liberal agnostic 0:43:46.120 --> 0:43:48.680 place ever, so I'm surrounded by like Jewish spaces that 0:43:48.719 --> 0:43:50.759 are very much like God optional. But I feel like 0:43:50.800 --> 0:43:54.319 if you looked, if you did a little poking even 0:43:54.360 --> 0:43:58.160 on like Reddit, maybe I bet there's some spaces where 0:43:58.640 --> 0:44:02.680 because like it's so Jewish to be agnostic, Like that's 0:44:02.760 --> 0:44:04.680 like a very like that's the trick. Is you say 0:44:04.680 --> 0:44:06.520 to any rabbi I'm an atheist, they go, oh, that's 0:44:06.640 --> 0:44:10.719 very Jewish. So I feel like there's gotta be pockets. 0:44:11.040 --> 0:44:12.960 And also, I mean side note, my cousin used to 0:44:13.000 --> 0:44:15.640 be a rabbi in Texas, so I could on the 0:44:15.719 --> 0:44:19.680 DL ask him for tips. Yeah, yeah, I could text 0:44:19.719 --> 0:44:22.160 him right after this and then just separately reach out 0:44:22.200 --> 0:44:23.200 to you and see what he says. 0:44:23.560 --> 0:44:24.680 Oh I'd love that, thank you. 0:44:24.800 --> 0:44:25.080 Yeah. 0:44:25.160 --> 0:44:28.319 Yeah, And I love Expanding your area doesn't necessarily mean 0:44:28.320 --> 0:44:30.239 you have to move, Like you could have like kind 0:44:30.239 --> 0:44:33.239 of a long distance fun like flingy thing, or you 0:44:33.239 --> 0:44:35.439 know somebody that you visit here and there and that's great, 0:44:35.560 --> 0:44:37.200 or maybe somebody wants to move to where you are 0:44:37.280 --> 0:44:38.480 if it gets serious enough. 0:44:38.560 --> 0:44:40.680 You know, Yeah, expanding your area is good too. 0:44:40.920 --> 0:44:43.320 I do like that idea because I'm a big advocate 0:44:43.360 --> 0:44:45.480 of long distance relationships. I think those are more fun 0:44:45.520 --> 0:44:48.200 anyway than having somebody up your ass all day long, 0:44:48.239 --> 0:44:50.520 every day. It gives you something to look forward to, 0:44:50.960 --> 0:44:53.120 and it gives you someone to communicate with and sex 0:44:53.239 --> 0:44:55.680 with and flirt with and all that fun stuff. You know, 0:44:56.120 --> 0:44:58.839 that beginning period of relationship is the most fun part 0:44:58.840 --> 0:45:01.960 of the relationship, where you're constantly talking on the phone 0:45:02.440 --> 0:45:04.840 making plans to see each other like that is fun. 0:45:05.080 --> 0:45:06.520 And long distance extends that. 0:45:06.680 --> 0:45:08.360 Yes, it does, It does extend that. 0:45:08.600 --> 0:45:08.920 Yeah. 0:45:09.400 --> 0:45:11.920 Also, I wanted to say jas Wipe Israel is the 0:45:12.000 --> 0:45:13.279 number one Jewish dating app. 0:45:13.440 --> 0:45:15.439 Oh my god, look at Rachel bloom On that way 0:45:15.600 --> 0:45:17.520 with your finger on the pulse of all Jews. 0:45:18.000 --> 0:45:20.040 I will look into that immediately after. 0:45:20.640 --> 0:45:23.399 Yeah, And just I also just really in your head, 0:45:24.000 --> 0:45:27.000 don't catastrophize the fact that you're from Israel and that 0:45:27.120 --> 0:45:32.040 you're Jewish. That's okay, that's okay, And most people who 0:45:32.120 --> 0:45:34.960 are reasonable will understand that you're not going to want 0:45:34.960 --> 0:45:36.640 to go on a second date with any guy. That's 0:45:36.640 --> 0:45:39.000 not going to understand that anyway. And also you don't 0:45:39.000 --> 0:45:42.239 have to divulge that immediately but be a little bit 0:45:42.280 --> 0:45:46.040 more like broad minded, not to the point of being naive. 0:45:46.600 --> 0:45:48.320 You know, you know what's happening in the world. 0:45:48.400 --> 0:45:48.920 We all do. 0:45:49.040 --> 0:45:50.359 We're all aware of what's going on. 0:45:50.480 --> 0:45:52.360 But just to be a little bit more open minded 0:45:52.400 --> 0:45:54.560 and give people a little bit more credit. You know, 0:45:54.600 --> 0:45:56.640 if you start to understand if you go on a 0:45:56.640 --> 0:45:59.279 couple dates with somebody that doesn't know your Israeli or 0:45:59.320 --> 0:46:00.959 they don't know your wish and. 0:46:01.120 --> 0:46:03.440 After a couple of dates, you're gonna know whether or 0:46:03.520 --> 0:46:05.200 not to share that information with them. 0:46:05.440 --> 0:46:06.120 That's a fair point. 0:46:06.320 --> 0:46:09.520 You could also try doing it on It's like hands right, 0:46:09.640 --> 0:46:12.680 you could also try doing it see what happens. I 0:46:12.719 --> 0:46:13.880 don't know if you have a close friend that like 0:46:13.920 --> 0:46:16.200 maybe you could give them your Hinge password and they 0:46:16.280 --> 0:46:20.080 could check messages for you and just be like, so 0:46:20.200 --> 0:46:21.719 what is it like? So that way you don't have 0:46:21.760 --> 0:46:24.560 to read just in cases like you start getting bombarded 0:46:24.600 --> 0:46:27.319 with stuff. Again, I've never been on apps, so I 0:46:27.320 --> 0:46:29.520 don't know what apps look like really, but like, is 0:46:29.560 --> 0:46:30.799 there like a friend that you could be like, hey, 0:46:30.800 --> 0:46:33.279 could you just I started doing this a week ago, 0:46:33.440 --> 0:46:35.000 can you just take a look through the messages? Let 0:46:35.040 --> 0:46:37.480 me know what the vibe is and they're like, I 0:46:37.480 --> 0:46:39.520 don't see anything, and then you know it's like safe 0:46:39.520 --> 0:46:42.400 and that way you haven't read a ton of terrible things. 0:46:42.760 --> 0:46:45.560 Yeah. Yeah, that's a good point. I think my main 0:46:46.320 --> 0:46:48.080 concern is, you know, if I wait two or three 0:46:48.160 --> 0:46:52.000 dates to divulge this key part of my upbringing, if 0:46:52.040 --> 0:46:54.400 even if it's not, you know, my life now to 0:46:54.560 --> 0:46:56.920 just spring it on someone a few dates in. But 0:46:56.960 --> 0:47:00.480 I get it like it is protecting myself too, you know, 0:47:00.760 --> 0:47:03.640 in getting to know someone before if I'm feeling nervous 0:47:03.680 --> 0:47:04.960 before divulging that, do. 0:47:04.920 --> 0:47:06.640 You say agnostic Jew in your profile? 0:47:08.239 --> 0:47:10.080 To be honest, I don't know. I think I put 0:47:10.360 --> 0:47:11.960 just agnostic because. 0:47:11.719 --> 0:47:14.640 If you say agnostic Jew, then you're like kind of 0:47:14.680 --> 0:47:20.000 letting people know you're Jewish, and anyone who's like doesn't 0:47:20.000 --> 0:47:23.160 want a dated Jew period won't date you. I feel 0:47:23.160 --> 0:47:25.719 like that might help narrow some stuff down too. 0:47:26.520 --> 0:47:29.840 Yeah, that's true something I listened to recently. The Daily 0:47:30.040 --> 0:47:33.600 just did a piece on it's on dating over fifty online, 0:47:33.920 --> 0:47:36.920 which is not necessarily your situation, but there were some 0:47:36.960 --> 0:47:39.959 really good tips in there about it's the haystack theory. 0:47:40.000 --> 0:47:41.440 They say, like, how do you find a needle in 0:47:41.440 --> 0:47:44.799 a haystack, light the haystack on fire. So basically it 0:47:44.840 --> 0:47:48.920 talks about totally reinventing your your online persona and like 0:47:49.440 --> 0:47:51.560 really whittling down to like, here's actually who I do 0:47:51.640 --> 0:47:54.920 want rather than having the broadest possible results. And a 0:47:54.960 --> 0:47:57.279 lot of people have found some success with that. Check 0:47:57.360 --> 0:47:58.600 that out. There's a bunch of good tips in. 0:47:58.560 --> 0:48:01.360 There that does make sense. You know you are reading 0:48:01.400 --> 0:48:02.000 people out. 0:48:02.320 --> 0:48:04.480 Yeah, I just wouldn't want her to become a target, 0:48:04.600 --> 0:48:06.319 you know, for who are like. 0:48:06.320 --> 0:48:09.080 Oh, you know, let me make my stance on hinge. 0:48:09.360 --> 0:48:11.640 Yeah, like that's why I'm like, is there someone who 0:48:11.719 --> 0:48:13.560 could like go through the. 0:48:13.520 --> 0:48:16.839 First sec identify herself as a Jew as agnostic Jew? 0:48:16.880 --> 0:48:20.840 And yeah, people like see agnostic Jew that means certain 0:48:20.880 --> 0:48:23.600 things to different people, and then see like what the 0:48:23.640 --> 0:48:25.640 type of messages that come in and then like maybe 0:48:26.080 --> 0:48:28.480 you have a friend who helps you like whittle through 0:48:28.480 --> 0:48:30.600 that way. It's not just all on you if the 0:48:30.640 --> 0:48:33.520 messages get really like volatile, Yeah. 0:48:33.400 --> 0:48:35.000 I could probably ask my sister to do that. She 0:48:35.120 --> 0:48:35.680 probably love that. 0:48:35.960 --> 0:48:36.200 Yeah. 0:48:36.800 --> 0:48:38.319 When I'm doing I'm an only child, this is when 0:48:38.360 --> 0:48:42.359 I get really jealous. Yeah, yeah, that sounds really nice. 0:48:42.840 --> 0:48:44.680 Love this kind of stuff. All right, well will you 0:48:45.080 --> 0:48:46.080 let us know how it goes? 0:48:46.560 --> 0:48:47.839 I will, yes, thank you all. 0:48:47.880 --> 0:48:51.279 So I message my cousin, Oh yes, like I'll just 0:48:51.320 --> 0:48:52.040 ask exactly. 0:48:52.760 --> 0:48:53.760 Yeah is he single? 0:48:54.280 --> 0:48:55.040 He's super not? 0:48:55.320 --> 0:48:56.560 Oh okay, well maybe he yes. 0:48:56.600 --> 0:48:57.080 I'm Jewish. 0:48:57.239 --> 0:48:58.080 I think yeah. 0:48:58.160 --> 0:48:59.960 I think you have to have a more optimistic out, 0:49:00.320 --> 0:49:01.840 be hopeful and be optimistic. 0:49:01.880 --> 0:49:03.120 Whole place is godless. 0:49:03.360 --> 0:49:06.440 And also sisters like listeners. If you are those sisters 0:49:06.480 --> 0:49:09.840 who have a brother, send us an emailat thank you 0:49:09.880 --> 0:49:10.200 so much. 0:49:10.239 --> 0:49:13.680 Maya Okay, thank you all, bye, maya good luck. 0:49:14.840 --> 0:49:16.520 I feel like we gave her eight different things to do. 0:49:16.920 --> 0:49:19.360 We're like good though, lots of things. I heard of 0:49:19.480 --> 0:49:20.680 this thing called chase. 0:49:21.920 --> 0:49:24.640 Well you were right on the money. Someone's paying attention. 0:49:25.400 --> 0:49:28.160 Well, we have one more caller. We can either take 0:49:28.160 --> 0:49:30.359 our little break and come back for our caller, or I. 0:49:30.320 --> 0:49:30.719 Will do that. 0:49:30.719 --> 0:49:32.160 We'll take a break and we'll be right back with 0:49:32.239 --> 0:49:41.680 Rachel Bloom. 0:49:37.360 --> 0:49:38.000 And we're back. 0:49:38.160 --> 0:49:41.359 We are back. Our last caller today is Deanna. She says, 0:49:41.400 --> 0:49:45.080 Dear Chelsea, here's my situation. I'm in my early forties, 0:49:45.200 --> 0:49:48.040 never married, no children, I have a long term boyfriend 0:49:48.080 --> 0:49:50.920 of almost eight years. He came with a dog, Yama. 0:49:51.520 --> 0:49:54.080 Over the years, Yama and I created a very strong 0:49:54.160 --> 0:49:57.680 bond through COVID, moving to different states, countless hikes and 0:49:57.760 --> 0:50:01.440 backpacking trips, and working remotely. He has been by my side, 0:50:01.600 --> 0:50:05.040 best coworker ever. In the beginning of October, his health 0:50:05.080 --> 0:50:07.760 took a turn. He went from sixty pounds to forty 0:50:07.800 --> 0:50:09.839 in a matter of weeks. We treated him for all 0:50:09.880 --> 0:50:13.080 sorts of things. Nothing worked. My strong dog, who hiked 0:50:13.120 --> 0:50:16.160 up countless mountains with me, couldn't even get up the stairs. 0:50:16.480 --> 0:50:18.560 The VET deduced it had to be cancer, so on 0:50:18.600 --> 0:50:21.840 October twenty third, we said goodbye. It happened fast, and 0:50:21.880 --> 0:50:24.359 I have been taking it really hard. I'm not exaggerating 0:50:24.400 --> 0:50:26.920 when I say I haven't loved anyone or felt closer 0:50:26.920 --> 0:50:28.319 to anyone than I did with him. 0:50:29.000 --> 0:50:29.560 Then add this. 0:50:29.520 --> 0:50:32.320 Election business, and I just feel so lost and alone. 0:50:32.640 --> 0:50:34.239 I know you're a dog mom, and I know you've 0:50:34.239 --> 0:50:36.719 suffered great loss in that arena. Any advice on how 0:50:36.719 --> 0:50:39.400 to press forward at this moment, I never won another 0:50:39.400 --> 0:50:42.600 pet again. The idea of going through this feels masochistic, 0:50:42.920 --> 0:50:45.239 but I know that's my grief talking. I appreciate any 0:50:45.239 --> 0:50:47.480 advice you can share. Love you and all that you do. 0:50:47.640 --> 0:50:51.239 Deanna, Hi, Deanna, Hi, Hi, y. 0:50:51.560 --> 0:50:54.160 We have another dog lover here today, Rachel Bluem. 0:50:54.800 --> 0:50:57.279 Nice to meet Yeah, to meet you. I really feel you. 0:50:57.680 --> 0:50:59.359 I'm sorry that you lost your lover. 0:51:00.360 --> 0:51:00.719 Thank you. 0:51:00.760 --> 0:51:03.439 That was really hard to listen to again. Yeah, I'm sorry. 0:51:04.280 --> 0:51:08.359 Say honestly, you need to get another dog. You do. 0:51:08.800 --> 0:51:11.120 You're gonna love another dog just as much as you 0:51:11.200 --> 0:51:14.160 loved this dog. Your love is that is not like 0:51:14.320 --> 0:51:16.480 you know, like it doesn't it's not fin You need 0:51:16.560 --> 0:51:19.319 to give your love to another person or another thing 0:51:19.760 --> 0:51:22.440 or another animal, and like that's how it happens. When 0:51:22.480 --> 0:51:24.360 as soon as I lose it, as soon as I 0:51:24.360 --> 0:51:26.600 see one of my dogs going downhill, I get another 0:51:26.640 --> 0:51:28.440 dog so that it will soften the blow when I 0:51:28.440 --> 0:51:31.040 lose my dog. Because there are so much love to 0:51:31.120 --> 0:51:33.360 be had in this world. There are so many animals 0:51:33.440 --> 0:51:35.000 that need to be loved. In the way that you're 0:51:35.000 --> 0:51:38.319 discussing your love or the way that you expressed your 0:51:38.320 --> 0:51:40.600 love for your dog, you have to give that away 0:51:40.600 --> 0:51:43.279 to someone else, and you will, and that will help 0:51:43.320 --> 0:51:46.359 you heal. I promise you that will help you heal. 0:51:46.880 --> 0:51:48.480 You don't have to get a puppy. Go get a 0:51:48.520 --> 0:51:52.399 rescue dog, you know, oh yes, of course, and go 0:51:52.600 --> 0:51:55.799 look at and fall in love and transfer that love 0:51:55.840 --> 0:51:56.439 that you had. 0:51:56.520 --> 0:51:58.600 You don't even have to think about it. It will happen. 0:51:59.160 --> 0:52:01.960 You can also try five yeah, as like a way 0:52:02.000 --> 0:52:05.200 station if like you're not ready. Also, I don't know 0:52:05.200 --> 0:52:06.880 if this is what you're feeling, but I feel like 0:52:06.920 --> 0:52:11.160 there's a certain shame sometimes of over people morning pets, 0:52:11.160 --> 0:52:12.480 where they're like, I know, it's just a pet, I 0:52:12.520 --> 0:52:14.919 know it's and it's and I think in case, that's 0:52:14.960 --> 0:52:16.319 a part of you that's like I don't know why 0:52:16.360 --> 0:52:18.840 I can't get over this, like just allowing yourself to 0:52:18.920 --> 0:52:22.680 feel the grief over this being that you loved, and 0:52:23.120 --> 0:52:27.720 if it were a human, what grief would you allow yourself? Rachel, 0:52:27.760 --> 0:52:30.880 That's exactly what I'm feeling now. Yep, thank you for 0:52:30.960 --> 0:52:31.960 that validation. 0:52:32.320 --> 0:52:34.399 And also you're saying I don't know if I could 0:52:34.400 --> 0:52:38.960 ever go through this again, like you can. You're sitting 0:52:39.040 --> 0:52:42.560 right here, you're going through it. You are surviving. You 0:52:42.600 --> 0:52:44.919 can go through this again. You're going to go find 0:52:44.960 --> 0:52:47.520 another dog, You're gonna foster it or you're gonna rescue 0:52:47.520 --> 0:52:49.520 it and you're going to form a bond with it. 0:52:49.680 --> 0:52:51.279 And if it doesn't work with the first dog or 0:52:51.320 --> 0:52:53.319 you don't feel it, then great, then you'll get a 0:52:53.320 --> 0:52:55.239 different dog, if you foster a dog or if you 0:52:55.480 --> 0:52:58.359 but I promise you, when you adopt a dog, it's 0:52:58.560 --> 0:53:00.880 very unlikely that you are not going to have the 0:53:00.920 --> 0:53:03.800 same feelings that you're describing. It won't be the exact 0:53:03.840 --> 0:53:06.080 same because no two dogs are the same, you know, 0:53:06.440 --> 0:53:08.440 but your love is the same. 0:53:08.760 --> 0:53:09.000 You know. 0:53:09.080 --> 0:53:12.320 The love that you extend to a pet is not measurable. 0:53:12.360 --> 0:53:14.399 It's not like you love one dog more than the next. 0:53:14.440 --> 0:53:16.719 I've had about six dogs now in my life, and 0:53:16.760 --> 0:53:19.800 I whoever my favorite is always the one that's alive, 0:53:20.480 --> 0:53:23.920 you know. So, like it's a less emotional way of 0:53:23.960 --> 0:53:26.359 looking at it. But I promise you, like, when you 0:53:26.400 --> 0:53:28.400 have that kind of love to expend, you need to 0:53:28.440 --> 0:53:29.000 expend it. 0:53:29.800 --> 0:53:31.160 Okay, that's really good to hear. 0:53:31.280 --> 0:53:34.960 Yeah, and also grieve grief all you want, like what 0:53:35.280 --> 0:53:38.759 Rachel said, absolutely, but also think about how you can 0:53:38.800 --> 0:53:40.640 impact another dog's life with all that love. 0:53:41.280 --> 0:53:46.279 That's true. Thank you, yeah, yeah, good luck, Well, thank 0:53:46.320 --> 0:53:47.000 you for having me on. 0:53:47.440 --> 0:53:49.760 Yeah, send us a picture when you find your new buddy. 0:53:49.880 --> 0:53:51.960 Yeah, yeah, if you find your new lover, send us 0:53:52.000 --> 0:53:54.840 a picture please sure, well, thank you, okay, thanks for 0:53:54.920 --> 0:53:58.879 calling Dan, Thank you, nye. It it is sad when 0:53:58.880 --> 0:54:01.239 people are debilitated by their pets loss, which is what's 0:54:01.239 --> 0:54:02.520 going to happen to you. 0:54:02.960 --> 0:54:03.480 I see it. 0:54:03.440 --> 0:54:05.279 Coming down the pike, and I mean I joke and 0:54:05.360 --> 0:54:09.040 special about like I mean, pet laws, those websites for 0:54:09.120 --> 0:54:13.319 pet loss are the most embarrassingly earnest things, like the 0:54:13.520 --> 0:54:16.400 art around pet loss, all of it is so embarrassingly earnest. 0:54:16.480 --> 0:54:20.800 And also it makes me very emotional, and I think, like, yeah, 0:54:20.840 --> 0:54:25.279 like they're people, so it's it's okay to grieve them. Absolutely, 0:54:25.320 --> 0:54:25.760 it's okay. 0:54:26.440 --> 0:54:29.520 So powerful with dogs especially I think with cats of 0:54:29.560 --> 0:54:30.279 herecap or something. 0:54:30.400 --> 0:54:32.279 And we have a kid and we still I mean, 0:54:32.760 --> 0:54:34.960 it hasn't diminished our love for our Yeah. 0:54:34.960 --> 0:54:36.520 I know some people have kids and then they're like, 0:54:36.719 --> 0:54:38.600 we gave our dog bag, we gave our dog away. 0:54:38.680 --> 0:54:39.600 I don't, I can't. 0:54:39.600 --> 0:54:42.319 I don't. Also, my dog and my daughter are like 0:54:42.560 --> 0:54:45.080 best friends. Well, and I think the dog tolerates her, 0:54:45.120 --> 0:54:49.120 but my daughter calls Wiley her sister. Oh that's she 0:54:49.160 --> 0:54:51.000 literally says, like other people at school be like I 0:54:51.000 --> 0:54:52.719 have a brother, officer should be like I have a 0:54:52.800 --> 0:54:57.160 sister and she is a dog, and that's what we teacher. 0:54:57.520 --> 0:54:58.120 I love that. 0:54:58.480 --> 0:55:00.520 Thank you Rachel Bloom for being here. Make sure you 0:55:00.560 --> 0:55:03.560 guys catch your special on Netflix. It's called Death. Let 0:55:03.560 --> 0:55:06.640 Me do my special. It's on Netflix. Make sure you 0:55:06.680 --> 0:55:09.680 watch it and look out for Rachel Bloom everywhere. 0:55:09.760 --> 0:55:10.880 She's just around the corner. 0:55:13.080 --> 0:55:14.840 It'll only take me fifty minutes. 0:55:16.360 --> 0:55:18.319 Thank you for being here, Thank you for having me. 0:55:18.480 --> 0:55:22.960 Yes always. We'll see you guys next week. Bye. Do 0:55:22.960 --> 0:55:24.280 do Do Do Do do. 0:55:25.040 --> 0:55:30.640 Drum roll Catherine please, Chelsea Handler Abroad. Abroad is my 0:55:30.719 --> 0:55:34.560 European tour, which I just announced. Tickets go on sale 0:55:34.640 --> 0:55:38.920 tomorrow or today or there's a pre sale code Chelsea. 0:55:39.080 --> 0:55:42.520 So I'm coming to obviously find. 0:55:42.280 --> 0:55:43.120 A husband of Rod. 0:55:43.520 --> 0:55:46.600 I need to get the health out of this fucking country. 0:55:47.239 --> 0:55:50.040 And it's not as easy as you think. So I'm 0:55:50.040 --> 0:55:53.719 coming to Rekuvik, I'm coming to Dublin. I'm coming to 0:55:54.160 --> 0:55:58.719 the UK. I'm coming to Brussels, Paris, Belfast in May 0:55:58.760 --> 0:56:04.640 and June, I'm coming to Oslo, Stockholm, the Copenhagen, Manchester, London, Glasgow, 0:56:05.200 --> 0:56:09.960 New Zurich, Vienna. I've never ever been to Vienna, Berlin, 0:56:10.200 --> 0:56:11.680 Barcelona and Lisbon. 0:56:12.560 --> 0:56:16.279 I'm coming abroad. Is abroad that sounds like fun. 0:56:16.320 --> 0:56:17.440 I'm gonna go see you abroad. 0:56:17.800 --> 0:56:19.720 I rid out. I want to go see me abroad 0:56:19.880 --> 0:56:24.520 and there all be there, All be fun, okay. All 0:56:24.640 --> 0:56:28.400 Upcoming Vegas dates March twenty first, April eighteenth, July fifth, 0:56:28.440 --> 0:56:32.720 August thirtieth, November one and twenty ninth at the Cosmopolitan 0:56:32.840 --> 0:56:34.000 of Las Vegas. 0:56:34.440 --> 0:56:36.840 If you'd like advice from Chelsea, shoot us an email 0:56:36.840 --> 0:56:39.680 at Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com and be 0:56:39.719 --> 0:56:42.760 sure to include your phone number. Dear Chelsea is edited 0:56:42.800 --> 0:56:46.440 and engineered by Brad Dickert executive producer Catherine law and 0:56:46.520 --> 0:56:48.919 be sure to check out our merch at Chelseahandler dot 0:56:48.960 --> 0:56:51.880 com