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Speaker 1: Hello, Hello, Hello, good morning morning. Are you in New York.

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Speaker 1: I'm in Seattle.

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Speaker 2: I'm in Seattle.

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Speaker 3: My voice sounds fresh because of all the freshness that

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Speaker 3: I've been up to. So I had a book signing

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Speaker 3: here last night. I had the Oscars the night before,

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Speaker 3: big party situation. Yes, was out till about four in

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Speaker 3: the morning, and then got up at eight o'clock or

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Speaker 3: no ten o'clock to come to Seattle for my book

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Speaker 3: signing here.

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Speaker 4: The Internet says that you're dating rape Fines, which like

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Speaker 4: I saw, I saw it like I saw.

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Speaker 1: Hell, yeah, well that's I'm not dating Ray Fines. But that, yes,

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Speaker 1: I saw that. I had high hopes I had.

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Speaker 3: Yes, No, we just went to a from one party

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Speaker 3: to another together. That's simply what happened. But I did

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Speaker 3: have a blast. I've had a blast all week.

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Speaker 2: And it's been your birthday.

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Speaker 3: Oh. Yes, and I had a birthday party too on

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Speaker 3: Friday night, No, Saturday night, Saturday night, I had a

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Speaker 3: birthday party. Saturday. I went from Chicago, went to my

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Speaker 3: book signing at the Grove in La. Then I turned

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Speaker 3: around and went back to the hotel I was staying

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Speaker 3: at where I was having my birthday party.

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Speaker 2: Saturday night, which was also a blast, very fun.

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Speaker 4: And then I randomly ran into you at the grove.

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Speaker 4: Let me tell you how many signs there were that

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Speaker 4: I didn't put two and two together. They had an

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Speaker 4: Owls Brew lemonade stand and I was like, oh, that's

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Speaker 4: Chelsea's and like, did not think you were doing a signing.

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Speaker 4: And by the way, the Owlsbrew is delicious. I had

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Speaker 4: the pink lemonade.

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Speaker 1: I know, I know all these girls that are upcoming in.

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Speaker 3: You know, my book signings are primarily about ninety percent women, obviously,

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Speaker 3: and they're all coming.

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Speaker 1: And now we have the Owls Brew at every book signing.

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Speaker 3: So that's been so fun because now people get the

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Speaker 3: message that for their book clubs they should be pounding Owlsbrew.

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Speaker 4: Yeah it's very tart, very delicious.

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Speaker 1: But yeah, that was so funny.

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Speaker 4: And then somebody came up and said, who's doing a

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Speaker 4: book signing here, and the guy behind the counter said

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Speaker 4: Chelsea Hmler and I was like.

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Speaker 3: Oh, yeah, yeah, I know what a dink.

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Speaker 4: I know, I know. I'm like, I'm sure it was

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Speaker 4: in there subliminally somewhere, but anyway, yes, we got to

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Speaker 4: come say hi, I mad.

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Speaker 3: And I was reunited with Doug for this week for

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Speaker 3: the weekend, even though my Belle started pulling her a

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Speaker 3: bullshit when she brought him over to my hotel room.

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Speaker 1: She's like, it's okay, Doug, it's okay, mommy's here. I'm like,

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Speaker 1: I'm the mommy.

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Speaker 2: Shut up dog, don't start.

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Speaker 1: This shit with me again.

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Speaker 3: Anyway. I'm on my way back to Los Angeles this morning,

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Speaker 3: and I am going to you know, hit it.

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Speaker 2: Hit it hard for the next who knows how long.

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Speaker 2: I can't even look at my schedule because it's too intimidating.

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Speaker 4: No, no, I know. I keep asking your assistant for

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Speaker 4: things and she as, you're busy.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: And I've also run into so many So many of

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Speaker 3: the people coming to my book signings love Dear Chelsea

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Speaker 3: and are avid listeners. So that's always nice to meet

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Speaker 3: our listeners in person. And I hope you guys are

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Speaker 3: reaching out to each other through different groups and stuff

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Speaker 3: so that you guys can connect through Dear Chelsea and

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Speaker 3: read the books together.

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Speaker 4: That's great. Well, any dates that we want to.

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Speaker 3: Hit Vegas, I'm coming to Vegas March twenty first, guys,

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Speaker 3: that's my next show in Vegas. March twenty first, and

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Speaker 3: then April eighteenth, and then I announced about five more dates,

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Speaker 3: and I announced all my European dates, So those are

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Speaker 3: selling out. So if you're in Europe and you're listening

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Speaker 3: to this and I'm coming to your city, go get

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Speaker 3: your ticket because they're going excellent. And then also anyone

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Speaker 3: who's listening, who has bought my book, who has listened

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Speaker 3: to my book, send us excerpts or you reading your

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Speaker 3: favorite parts or circle your favorite parts because I've been reposting.

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Speaker 1: Those and I love those. I love to see them.

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Speaker 3: And yes, my book has now been out for almost

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Speaker 3: six days.

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Speaker 1: I'll have what she's having.

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Speaker 4: Amazing and I got a copy too now, so I'm

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Speaker 4: gonna find out all your.

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Speaker 3: Secret wonderful well there's you know, as we know, there

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Speaker 3: are no.

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Speaker 1: Secrets with me.

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Speaker 3: And I also want to mention that based on my video,

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Speaker 3: my birthday videos, which we're all familiar with, hopefully I

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Speaker 3: am doing an actual ski run bathing suit ski run

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Speaker 3: on March fourteenth that everyone is invited to come and

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Speaker 3: register for.

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Speaker 2: That means you ski with me in your bathing.

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Speaker 3: Suit down Tahoe in the Palisades Palisades, Tahoe I should say,

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Speaker 3: and it's well, it's just going to be a blast.

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Speaker 3: I mean, it's just going to be a recreation of

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Speaker 3: my birthday video. And wait, so you see the bathing

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Speaker 3: suit they have me wearing. Very excited, So our guests today.

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Speaker 1: Please welcome Rachel Bloom.

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Speaker 3: Okay, we're here with she's a comedian, she's a writer,

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Speaker 3: and she's an actress. And you know her best probably

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Speaker 3: as the creator and star of Crazy Ex Girlfriend, Everyone's

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Speaker 3: favorite show, and she.

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Speaker 1: Has a new specially.

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Speaker 2: Everyone is a very libb.

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Speaker 1: Please go on, and we're justlusive.

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Speaker 2: Okay, it's very inclusive of a very small part of

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Speaker 2: the population. That's not true. That's not true. That was

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Speaker 2: a very hugely popular show. Popular is an interesting Sure,

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Speaker 2: yes it was.

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Speaker 3: It was, absolutely it was. I think you need to

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Speaker 3: embrace that. Her new special is called Death. Let me

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Speaker 3: do my special. It's on Netflix right now. Please welcome

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Speaker 3: Rachel Bloom. Rachel Bloom, Hi, Hi.

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Speaker 2: How are you.

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Speaker 1: I'm good.

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Speaker 2: It's always really nice to see you.

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Speaker 1: Always I love seeing you.

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Speaker 2: You're just a really kind person. Thank you. I was

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Speaker 2: just telling actually or Nanny was like, oh my god,

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Speaker 2: I love she's such a fan of yours, and I

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Speaker 2: was like, also, she's like really nice and kind to

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Speaker 2: other women, which is just really wonderful.

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Speaker 3: Thank you. Now I have to start being that way

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Speaker 3: to men, which I know they can be nice to

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Speaker 3: each other or whatever they are. You know, it's not

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Speaker 3: really our problem. Let's talk about your special. Death is

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Speaker 3: a big character in your special.

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Speaker 2: He is and I he is, Well, I'm kind of

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Speaker 2: the some of the character based off of like men

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Speaker 2: I've interacted with in like writers rooms, and so death

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Speaker 2: to me is a he Yes.

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Speaker 5: I like that.

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Speaker 3: Yes, I'd like to start thinking of it that way

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Speaker 3: as well, and I'm sure many of our listeners feel

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Speaker 3: the same exact way.

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Speaker 4: And not to say he like a dude bro.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, it was always like either. I mean there were

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Speaker 2: different ways we experimented with the character that like there

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Speaker 2: was a part of him that was in selly and

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Speaker 2: then there was a part of him that was just

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Speaker 2: like a dude bro, because like, hostility from comedians comes

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Speaker 2: in different forms. But either way, it's when I'm saying

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Speaker 2: bad things to myself, what is my inner voice, and

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Speaker 2: my inner voice is the men who I perceived as

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Speaker 2: funnier being like that's a fucking joke. Okay, I guess

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Speaker 2: you could technically call that a joke. That's my inner

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Speaker 2: hateful voice is those are those guys, is being judged

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Speaker 2: by those guys, being judged by those guys, and them

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Speaker 2: seeing that I am a fraud. Honestly, I mean, it's

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Speaker 2: it's like, it's it's I still have, after all these years,

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Speaker 2: a little bit of imposter syndrome of like, I'm very

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Speaker 2: sensitive and my my first writer's room and experiences I

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Speaker 2: had around that time was like there would be these

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Speaker 2: guys who just got really really tough and smart, and

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Speaker 2: they were great joke writers, but comedy was a way

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Speaker 2: to assert dominance over other people, you know, And I've

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Speaker 2: just I've never been good at like being insulted and

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Speaker 2: coming back with an insult. I'm also not a club comic,

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Speaker 2: so that's the thing is I didn't get I haven't

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Speaker 2: been hardened by I've always been like an old comic

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Speaker 2: UCB TV writer, so I haven't been hardened by like

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Speaker 2: drunk people in clubs throwing beers at me in a

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Speaker 2: way that might have made me tougher and better at

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Speaker 2: like insults and comebacks.

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Speaker 1: That's interesting.

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Speaker 3: I mean, I would think that because you're assembling lots

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Speaker 3: of different writers rooms, because you've had multiple shows.

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Speaker 2: I've only had I've only had one so far.

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Speaker 1: Really, yeah, well you have a new show that you

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Speaker 1: just announced.

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Speaker 2: Is it's a pilot, but but it makes me look

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Speaker 2: really good.

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Speaker 5: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: Well, I feel like you need to believe that you

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Speaker 3: are good because I believe.

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Speaker 2: I'm sorry, I'm I'm underplaying things and I don't know

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Speaker 2: why you're right?

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Speaker 1: But what was the Crazy Ex Girlfriend? You were doing

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Speaker 1: something that was I.

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Speaker 2: Was a TV writer and I was like auditioning and

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Speaker 2: I was doing shows at UCB.

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Speaker 1: Were you a star and something? Or on TV?

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Speaker 5: It is?

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Speaker 3: Oh, is that how I got to know you? It

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Speaker 3: was something before Crazy Ex Girl? It was my YouTube

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Speaker 3: I was doing like YouTube Okay, okay, so that's how

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Speaker 3: I got to know.

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Speaker 2: But I want to assemble. I have a couple of

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Speaker 2: TV things in the works where I would love to

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Speaker 2: be able to assemble another writer's room. I love being

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Speaker 2: in a writer's room.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, and I love.

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Speaker 2: To have another another show. I have a couple of

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Speaker 2: shows like in the works. Yeah. It's always funny what

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Speaker 2: we decide to like announce and not announce because everyone

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Speaker 2: you know, like everyone is working on. If our careers

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Speaker 2: were judged by effort, everyone would be number one on IMDb. Right,

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Speaker 2: everyone has like a thousand things going on. It's just okay,

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Speaker 2: are you Are you then fortunate to get to that

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Speaker 2: next level and have it actually like, for lack of

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Speaker 2: a better term, count.

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Speaker 1: Right, because it doesn't.

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Speaker 3: And I also conversely, the stuff is true, like sometimes

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Speaker 3: when you announce certain things you know that that aren't

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Speaker 3: necessarily sure a thing, it's like, oh, we're gonna announce,

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Speaker 3: you know. I don't like the announcements of things. I

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Speaker 3: like just putting things out there.

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Speaker 2: You know, me too, me too, and this like like

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Speaker 2: the show we just announced to my husband and I

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Speaker 2: have a show with.

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Speaker 1: ABC graduate getting a hush thank you.

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Speaker 2: So it's so funny because I was just listening to

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Speaker 2: your interview with Sharon Horgan, who I just have been

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Speaker 2: obsessed with. I'd love her so much. Another just brilliant

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Speaker 2: and also kind person and actually Catastrophe. It made me

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Speaker 2: realize I want to rewatch Catastrophe for the show that

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Speaker 2: I'm doing right now. The fuck was I gonna, oh, oh,

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Speaker 2: you're talking about divorce and I am so you know,

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Speaker 2: for all of my like I'm fucking crazy, and I

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Speaker 2: talk about my asshole and Dix I've been with the

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Speaker 2: same guy. Those are the two wildest things. I've been

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Speaker 2: with the same guy for about sixteen years. Wow, I'm

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Speaker 2: a child bride, very sixteen years. How old were you

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Speaker 2: when you met him? We we were friends since I

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Speaker 2: was eighteen, in the comedy community, because the comedy community is,

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Speaker 2: you know, incestuous. And then we started dating when I

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Speaker 2: was twenty one.

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Speaker 1: So you were only friends for the first few years.

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Speaker 3: I mean we made out once and then what happened

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Speaker 3: that what happened that you guys got together?

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Speaker 2: Well, I dated a bunch of his friends. That's always

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Speaker 2: a good way to get his attention, yes, and then

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Speaker 2: we just realized we really liked being together, and one

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Speaker 2: day we just kissed. I mean it was actually really

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Speaker 2: I was in la I was born and raised in

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Speaker 2: la and so I was back visiting my parents during

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Speaker 2: college before I did a theater trip to Amsterdam, and

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Speaker 2: he was here for business because he was already a

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Speaker 2: working TV writer, And he invited me to this barbecue

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Speaker 2: at this place he was running in Santa Monica, and

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Speaker 2: we like made out on the beach and like it

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Speaker 2: was magical, and I went to Amsterdam and came back

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Speaker 2: and we started dating for real and we've just been

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Speaker 2: together ever since. That's cute. It's really square. I would

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Speaker 2: have never my emotions around love were so volatile and

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Speaker 2: the people I went four were so fucking weird. Before him,

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Speaker 2: I would have never thought that I would be this

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Speaker 2: person in a monogamous relationship for so long. But here

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Speaker 2: I am. Why do you think?

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Speaker 3: Why were you why was your relationship with other men

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Speaker 3: like so volatile? Or why were you attracted to those

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Speaker 3: types of men? I mean, I did the same thing,

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Speaker 3: but I'm curious.

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Speaker 2: I liked the thrill of the chase and I liked

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Speaker 2: I mean, if I'm going to get like psychological about it,

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Speaker 2: I liked the feeling of the thrill of the chase.

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Speaker 2: It was the greatest drug. Love was my first serious crush.

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Speaker 2: Started when I was in about third grade, and I

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Speaker 2: remember the emotions that I have. It's my friend Zach.

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Speaker 2: He knows all about it. The emotions that I had

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Speaker 2: for Zach from third through seventh grade were as real,

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Speaker 2: and when I say real, they were as passionate and

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Speaker 2: all consuming as anything I ever felt as an adult.

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Speaker 2: From a very young age. And there's a term because

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Speaker 2: on Crazy Ex Girlfriend, it was a show kind of

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Speaker 2: all about obsessive love, and so there's this term called limerens,

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Speaker 2: which is like the sign. Have you heard of this term?

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Speaker 2: I love it, love it. It's like the scientific term

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Speaker 2: for obsession, and it's what being in love is. And

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Speaker 2: I'm a very I was always a very limerent person,

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Speaker 2: and so I would go from guy to guy who

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Speaker 2: was like emotionally unavailable, and also like I feel like

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Speaker 2: I went for I feel like I still like my type.

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Speaker 2: You know you hear you like go for people who

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Speaker 2: are like your parents. I have two types. I have

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Speaker 2: one type who kind of looks like a male version

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Speaker 2: of my mom, so like very very lanky and skinny.

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Speaker 2: And then there's a type that's the male version of

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Speaker 2: my dad, which is like stocky and funny, and that's

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Speaker 2: the guy I'm with right now. But like, really, if

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Speaker 2: you broke them down, it's either I go for my

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Speaker 2: mom or I.

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Speaker 3: Go for that's finny because people don't talk about a

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Speaker 3: lot or enough. I guess about going for your mom

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Speaker 3: because that's got to big be a thing too. Yeahcho somatically,

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Speaker 3: like there's got to be something where you are drawn

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Speaker 3: to the people who remind you of your mother.

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Speaker 2: It's the first love of your parents are the first

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Speaker 2: love of your life. And I see it my daughter

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Speaker 2: now where she this is when she was like two,

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Speaker 2: she notes star wedding rings and she said, oh are

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Speaker 2: you what are those? We said, their wedding rings, and

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Speaker 2: she's like, what's that? We're married because we love each other,

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Speaker 2: and she goes, I love you, I love Mama, I

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Speaker 2: want mama and I and I get it. And I

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Speaker 2: was like really flattered, and I was like, hopefully the

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Speaker 2: laws will change. No, I didn't say that, but I

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Speaker 2: get it, like the laws will go back one hundred

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Speaker 2: and fifty years.

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Speaker 5: Yes.

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Speaker 2: Yes, it is weird having a kid because it is

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Speaker 2: being in almost platonic love. Like I can't it's really

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Speaker 2: hard to explain, but I get that feeling of like, oh, I.

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Speaker 1: Want to marry I want to be with you forever.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, it's just the feeling of like you just like

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Speaker 2: want to be around that person. I feel like we

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Speaker 2: all kind of have that a little bit DNA wise

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Speaker 2: with our parents maybe, but anyway, So the other thing

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Speaker 2: I've learned about Limerens, which I find really interesting.

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Speaker 1: So is it just the act of being in love

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Speaker 1: or isn't there another deaf and there's it's.

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Speaker 2: Kind of what's happening to what's happening to your body?

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Speaker 3: I was going to look at it because I want

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Speaker 3: to read it to our listeners, because this word keeps

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Speaker 3: coming up.

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Speaker 2: I was on Bittion with my.

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Speaker 3: British girlfriend and she was used and she used that

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Speaker 3: word and I was like, oh, yes, I remember hearing

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Speaker 3: it and being like, I was fascinated by this word

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Speaker 3: because it kind of has a broader meaning.

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Speaker 4: But so it's the state of being infatuated or obsessed

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Speaker 4: with another person, typically experienced involuntarily and characterized by a

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Speaker 4: strong desire for reciprocation of one's feelings, but not primarily

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Speaker 4: for a sexual relationship.

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Speaker 3: Yes, so okay, oh that's interesting.

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Speaker 2: Like in love platonically, I mean for me, inlimerance, other

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Speaker 2: than like child platonic love is the only child platonic.

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Speaker 1: Love, child marriage, childmates.

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Speaker 2: To be clear, I am not in limeerns with my child.

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Speaker 2: But yeah, that's interesting that it says like it's platonic,

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Speaker 2: that it's all I mean for me. That wasn't necessarily

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Speaker 2: the case because I'm so fucking straight. But the interesting

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Speaker 2: thing is like when you look at what's happening to

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Speaker 2: you yourself chemically. And the woman who studied this was

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Speaker 2: named Helen Fisher, and she just recently, but she studied

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Speaker 2: being in love and they basically scanned people's brains while

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Speaker 2: they were in limeerents and what they found was a

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Speaker 2: couple things. And I might be butchering this, so sorry

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Speaker 2: for any love scientists out there. I believe that when

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Speaker 2: you're in love, you're serotonin plummets, which is like your

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Speaker 2: well being chemical which also I have generalized anxiety disorder.

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Speaker 2: I already have low serotonin. That's what prozac does. It

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Speaker 2: helps my neurons transfer serotonin. So before I was on prozac,

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Speaker 2: I already have low ass serotonin. Suddenly I fall in love.

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Speaker 2: Whatever serotonin is left is fucking gone, and that's like

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Speaker 2: you're well being. Okay, I'm good, I'm I'm happy right now, right,

349
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Speaker 2: So that's fucking gone. When you think of this person,

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Speaker 2: they flood you with dopamine, which is like already addictive,

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Speaker 2: but if you have no serotonin, you need that person

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Speaker 2: in order to feel good. And so it's close to

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Speaker 2: like being on cocaine or like OCD, which I've also experienced.

354
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Speaker 2: And so that kind of obsessive mind, that involuntary obsession

355
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Speaker 2: of feeling like your brain is being hacked by a

356
00:16:06,280 --> 00:16:11,520
Speaker 2: dark love force is how I really lived a lot

357
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Speaker 2: of my life. And I think it took a lot

358
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Speaker 2: of learning from those toxic relationships and sometimes unreciprocated situations

359
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Speaker 2: to really make me, I don't know, like find myself

360
00:16:23,280 --> 00:16:26,360
Speaker 2: in a really healthy but wonderful relationship and I fell

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Speaker 2: in love with him still, but luckily I fell in

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00:16:29,320 --> 00:16:32,400
Speaker 2: love with a healthy in a healthy win. Well that tracks.

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Speaker 3: I mean, most of us when we're younger, you know,

364
00:16:35,040 --> 00:16:37,560
Speaker 3: go after the wrong things, like we were not focused

365
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Speaker 3: on what we want.

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Speaker 1: We're focused on the way we feel and when as

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Speaker 1: we mature.

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Speaker 3: I mean, it doesn't sound like you were that old,

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Speaker 3: but you seem to have a good grasp on you know,

370
00:16:45,880 --> 00:16:49,680
Speaker 3: what you wanted, And because knowing someone for several years

371
00:16:49,720 --> 00:16:53,160
Speaker 3: actually is a big benefit to understanding somebody and making

372
00:16:53,240 --> 00:16:59,560
Speaker 3: an educated, responsible, why down responsible decision and your special

373
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Speaker 3: You talk a lot about your fear of losing your

374
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Speaker 3: dog when you were pregnant, which I find so funny.

375
00:17:06,880 --> 00:17:09,159
Speaker 3: Why were you because your dog was old. Is that

376
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Speaker 3: why you thought he was gonna die?

377
00:17:10,440 --> 00:17:10,600
Speaker 5: Yes?

378
00:17:10,800 --> 00:17:12,960
Speaker 2: And she's a she now just turned what we think

379
00:17:13,000 --> 00:17:14,679
Speaker 2: she turned fifteen. She's a rescue, so we don't know.

380
00:17:15,240 --> 00:17:19,320
Speaker 2: I was just with her this morning. It made life

381
00:17:19,320 --> 00:17:22,480
Speaker 2: and death. It made the cycle of life and death

382
00:17:22,760 --> 00:17:25,800
Speaker 2: very real to me. And I'd had little existential crises.

383
00:17:25,840 --> 00:17:29,320
Speaker 2: I'm taking off my shoes. I'd had little toastpacers. Do

384
00:17:29,359 --> 00:17:30,040
Speaker 2: you want to put them on?

385
00:17:30,880 --> 00:17:33,080
Speaker 1: I don't. It seems like you might want you put

386
00:17:33,119 --> 00:17:34,280
Speaker 1: on toasts.

387
00:17:33,800 --> 00:17:37,640
Speaker 3: When you're not any pedicure. They're not those kinds of toastpacers.

388
00:17:37,960 --> 00:17:40,520
Speaker 3: I have the start of what is a little bunyonette,

389
00:17:40,600 --> 00:17:42,520
Speaker 3: and so in order I'm calling it that to make

390
00:17:42,520 --> 00:17:44,040
Speaker 3: it sound more delicate than what it is.

391
00:17:44,040 --> 00:17:44,560
Speaker 1: I love it.

392
00:17:44,720 --> 00:17:47,040
Speaker 3: And you put on these really well, mine are black,

393
00:17:47,119 --> 00:17:49,000
Speaker 3: so they're not you know. And you put them in

394
00:17:49,040 --> 00:17:51,000
Speaker 3: between your toes so that so when your toes get

395
00:17:51,040 --> 00:17:53,159
Speaker 3: a bunyan they start to your fiat starts to narrow,

396
00:17:53,280 --> 00:17:55,360
Speaker 3: and you want to keep your toes spread out.

397
00:17:55,600 --> 00:17:57,480
Speaker 1: So I put them on to keep my toes out

398
00:17:57,640 --> 00:17:59,600
Speaker 1: so that my foot it is working.

399
00:18:00,080 --> 00:18:01,119
Speaker 2: It's not fucking working.

400
00:18:01,440 --> 00:18:03,000
Speaker 1: My cousin said to me, the other day.

401
00:18:03,000 --> 00:18:05,000
Speaker 3: I don't wear those. They're so stupid. And you've never

402
00:18:05,000 --> 00:18:06,520
Speaker 3: even spoken to a doctor about it. I'm like, I

403
00:18:06,560 --> 00:18:09,080
Speaker 3: am a doctor, and they are working. My toes are

404
00:18:09,080 --> 00:18:11,760
Speaker 3: starting to spread out, so I think everything's going.

405
00:18:11,760 --> 00:18:13,879
Speaker 1: To be fine for my bunionette. Let me see your feet.

406
00:18:14,040 --> 00:18:17,600
Speaker 2: They're very nice. Yeah, I'm very narrowly. Yeah, but who's aren't.

407
00:18:17,840 --> 00:18:20,240
Speaker 1: Yeah. I always like, yeah, what is that because we're

408
00:18:20,280 --> 00:18:21,000
Speaker 1: walking on them.

409
00:18:21,280 --> 00:18:25,160
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's what it is, or in my case, rollerblading

410
00:18:25,200 --> 00:18:26,200
Speaker 3: to every meeting I have.

411
00:18:26,760 --> 00:18:27,760
Speaker 2: That's so fucking cool.

412
00:18:27,840 --> 00:18:30,000
Speaker 1: I know, thank you? So what what?

413
00:18:30,280 --> 00:18:30,520
Speaker 4: Yes?

414
00:18:30,680 --> 00:18:32,880
Speaker 2: So it made life and death real. There was something

415
00:18:33,080 --> 00:18:35,879
Speaker 2: first of all, like when I was pregnant, I was

416
00:18:35,960 --> 00:18:39,879
Speaker 2: really nauseous for the first four months, and it made

417
00:18:39,920 --> 00:18:42,760
Speaker 2: me depressed and I and it's like a chicken or

418
00:18:42,760 --> 00:18:45,480
Speaker 2: egg thing where like I can't tell if I was

419
00:18:45,520 --> 00:18:50,439
Speaker 2: depressed because I was nauseous or if I was depressed anyway,

420
00:18:50,440 --> 00:18:52,919
Speaker 2: but I would have these waves of nausea, and with

421
00:18:53,040 --> 00:18:55,720
Speaker 2: the nausea came emotions and kind of an anxiety and

422
00:18:55,760 --> 00:18:58,440
Speaker 2: depression because it's just your hormones are going fucking nuts.

423
00:18:58,600 --> 00:19:04,120
Speaker 2: And there was something that happened where time I might

424
00:19:04,119 --> 00:19:06,680
Speaker 2: say it in especial, but like time basically became very

425
00:19:06,720 --> 00:19:09,920
Speaker 2: real that suddenly I was picturing I was not only

426
00:19:10,200 --> 00:19:12,439
Speaker 2: looking at these apps that was like, okay, your babies

427
00:19:12,480 --> 00:19:15,440
Speaker 2: three weeks, five weeks, you know, ten weeks, fifteen weeks

428
00:19:15,520 --> 00:19:17,880
Speaker 2: or whatever, but also I was you know, you start

429
00:19:17,920 --> 00:19:21,399
Speaker 2: to think about preschools, and then you start to go, okay,

430
00:19:21,400 --> 00:19:23,840
Speaker 2: well what public school district I'm in? And you start

431
00:19:23,880 --> 00:19:26,560
Speaker 2: thinking about your life in a concrete way that you

432
00:19:26,560 --> 00:19:29,560
Speaker 2: you don't otherwise do. And I think that being in

433
00:19:30,040 --> 00:19:33,600
Speaker 2: entertainment and comedy kind of flattens out age in a

434
00:19:33,680 --> 00:19:35,359
Speaker 2: real way, like I never really know how old anyone

435
00:19:35,480 --> 00:19:38,280
Speaker 2: is because everyone kind of seems anyway. I don't know

436
00:19:38,320 --> 00:19:43,240
Speaker 2: it it keeps people young, Yeah, that's true, it really does.

437
00:19:43,280 --> 00:19:45,320
Speaker 2: And so it was one of the first times in

438
00:19:45,359 --> 00:19:49,000
Speaker 2: life that I really started to think about grown up,

439
00:19:49,920 --> 00:19:54,080
Speaker 2: grown up stuff in the future in that concrete way

440
00:19:54,119 --> 00:19:55,639
Speaker 2: of like what school is she going to go to?

441
00:19:55,680 --> 00:19:57,679
Speaker 2: How are we going to save for college? And it

442
00:19:57,800 --> 00:20:01,480
Speaker 2: suddenly put time and and everything to do with time.

443
00:20:01,560 --> 00:20:03,159
Speaker 2: It made it, It made it like too real. It

444
00:20:03,160 --> 00:20:05,520
Speaker 2: felt like I was suddenly on mushrooms. And then I

445
00:20:05,680 --> 00:20:08,160
Speaker 2: just thought about my dog because at a certain point

446
00:20:08,880 --> 00:20:11,399
Speaker 2: picturing my dog at age five, at age six seventy eight,

447
00:20:11,440 --> 00:20:13,640
Speaker 2: a certain point, the dog's not going to be there,

448
00:20:14,080 --> 00:20:19,120
Speaker 2: and it just made me so sad. Yeah, I can imagine.

449
00:20:19,160 --> 00:20:20,960
Speaker 3: It just made me think, like what if children were

450
00:20:20,960 --> 00:20:23,360
Speaker 3: only here for a short period of time? Like that's

451
00:20:23,400 --> 00:20:25,240
Speaker 3: what I just started thinking about when you started saying

452
00:20:25,240 --> 00:20:26,919
Speaker 3: that about dogs, Like what if we only had children

453
00:20:26,960 --> 00:20:29,280
Speaker 3: for ten or fifteen years? I mean, can you imagine

454
00:20:29,440 --> 00:20:31,920
Speaker 3: they would That would make the dog thing seem so easy.

455
00:20:32,640 --> 00:20:35,040
Speaker 3: I don't have an end of life thing with my dogs,

456
00:20:35,040 --> 00:20:37,680
Speaker 3: like I accept it because they're all rescues. I always

457
00:20:37,680 --> 00:20:40,840
Speaker 3: get them halfway through their life anyway, or in Doug's case,

458
00:20:40,880 --> 00:20:45,000
Speaker 3: my most recent acquisition, he was nine months and that's

459
00:20:45,040 --> 00:20:47,480
Speaker 3: the youngest dog I've ever gotten. So that's just a

460
00:20:47,560 --> 00:20:49,200
Speaker 3: huge advantage for me because I know I'm going to

461
00:20:49,240 --> 00:20:50,639
Speaker 3: get a good ten years out of him, you know.

462
00:20:51,320 --> 00:20:53,280
Speaker 1: But whenever my dogs have left.

463
00:20:53,680 --> 00:20:55,760
Speaker 3: It's interesting that you talk about that because you know,

464
00:20:55,800 --> 00:20:58,399
Speaker 3: obviously I've never had a full term pregnancy, but to

465
00:20:58,480 --> 00:21:00,879
Speaker 3: think about the thoughts that you would have about death

466
00:21:00,920 --> 00:21:03,400
Speaker 3: and when you're about to give birth, because I find

467
00:21:03,400 --> 00:21:06,159
Speaker 3: that those two things dovetail quite often in lives, like

468
00:21:06,240 --> 00:21:08,600
Speaker 3: you lose a father or a loved one right.

469
00:21:08,440 --> 00:21:09,840
Speaker 2: Before somebody has a baby.

470
00:21:10,000 --> 00:21:13,159
Speaker 3: That's always seems to be a very common occurrence, and

471
00:21:13,200 --> 00:21:14,840
Speaker 3: so I could see why it would bring up all

472
00:21:14,840 --> 00:21:15,520
Speaker 3: those thoughts.

473
00:21:15,960 --> 00:21:18,840
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, it's primal, it's bloody, it's it's all.

474
00:21:19,400 --> 00:21:22,120
Speaker 2: It's first breath, last breath. We're all just we all

475
00:21:22,160 --> 00:21:26,560
Speaker 2: just come from like goo and muck and come and

476
00:21:26,600 --> 00:21:30,520
Speaker 2: come like it's all. I was in Atlanta, because everything

477
00:21:30,520 --> 00:21:32,520
Speaker 2: films in Atlanta. My husband was doing something in Atlanta,

478
00:21:32,520 --> 00:21:34,159
Speaker 2: and I was walking around and there was like a

479
00:21:34,280 --> 00:21:37,000
Speaker 2: kind of swampy place that was teeming with life, and

480
00:21:37,040 --> 00:21:39,200
Speaker 2: it also stunk, and I was like, this is life.

481
00:21:39,480 --> 00:21:43,480
Speaker 2: Life is just stinky goo. And the stinkier and gooier

482
00:21:44,280 --> 00:21:47,639
Speaker 2: the more it's filled with all sorts of life. And

483
00:21:47,640 --> 00:21:50,520
Speaker 2: that's what life is, right, We're all just like stinky

484
00:21:50,520 --> 00:21:54,840
Speaker 2: piles of goo, and so giving birth is a stinky pile.

485
00:21:55,680 --> 00:21:58,760
Speaker 2: And then also like you know, carrying, you know, when

486
00:21:58,760 --> 00:22:01,880
Speaker 2: you're pregnant, the stuff that starts coming out of your vagina,

487
00:22:02,480 --> 00:22:06,600
Speaker 2: and I mean the smells, like your vagina starts smelling

488
00:22:06,640 --> 00:22:09,280
Speaker 2: and it's just but that's it's life, you know, and

489
00:22:09,320 --> 00:22:11,240
Speaker 2: like when you're ovulating, Like there have you ever looked

490
00:22:11,240 --> 00:22:12,520
Speaker 2: at like pictures of cervixes.

491
00:22:13,080 --> 00:22:14,040
Speaker 1: I actually have seen it.

492
00:22:14,040 --> 00:22:16,960
Speaker 3: It's really interesting, right that, Like, I mean, I don't

493
00:22:17,000 --> 00:22:18,320
Speaker 3: know if I could pick one out of a lineup,

494
00:22:18,359 --> 00:22:20,840
Speaker 3: but I have seen them. Yeah, they're like it's like

495
00:22:20,880 --> 00:22:24,399
Speaker 3: they look like little wet buttholes as opposed to a

496
00:22:24,520 --> 00:22:27,320
Speaker 3: dry butthole, as opposed to a drive a little dry buttle,

497
00:22:27,520 --> 00:22:31,040
Speaker 3: and they're like pink. But what's interesting is when a

498
00:22:31,080 --> 00:22:34,359
Speaker 3: person with a cervix is like fertile, it's like covered

499
00:22:34,400 --> 00:22:37,639
Speaker 3: in gunk. It's like gooey, it's like meant to be gooey.

500
00:22:37,760 --> 00:22:41,160
Speaker 3: And when it's like dry, it's just past your period,

501
00:22:41,240 --> 00:22:45,200
Speaker 3: when like you're not meant to take in sperm and so.

502
00:22:45,240 --> 00:22:48,600
Speaker 2: Like it's all just like blood and goo and death.

503
00:22:48,600 --> 00:22:51,000
Speaker 2: And I think there's a line, oh, Summer in Smoke.

504
00:22:51,040 --> 00:22:53,000
Speaker 2: I think it's a Tennessee William the Tennessee Ones play.

505
00:22:53,359 --> 00:22:55,840
Speaker 2: The lead of that show is studying to be a

506
00:22:55,880 --> 00:22:58,240
Speaker 2: medical student, and he's saying to the other, to the

507
00:22:58,240 --> 00:23:01,320
Speaker 2: woman in the show, Alma, he's saying, like he's pulling

508
00:23:01,359 --> 00:23:04,000
Speaker 2: down an anatomy picture and he's like, this is what

509
00:23:04,040 --> 00:23:06,560
Speaker 2: we are. We're and I'm paraphrase, but he's like, we're

510
00:23:06,600 --> 00:23:11,800
Speaker 2: just meet, we're just good, We're just disgusting on the inside.

511
00:23:11,800 --> 00:23:16,560
Speaker 2: And that's like that's what pregnancy really mired me in.

512
00:23:16,680 --> 00:23:19,120
Speaker 2: And then I actually gave birth and saw I mean,

513
00:23:19,480 --> 00:23:22,520
Speaker 2: I'll never forget, like looking across the way there's like

514
00:23:22,560 --> 00:23:24,720
Speaker 2: a giant mirror in the room where I gave birth

515
00:23:25,320 --> 00:23:28,760
Speaker 2: and seeing the sight of like after I gave birth,

516
00:23:28,880 --> 00:23:32,360
Speaker 2: my open vagina with the placenta at the surface and

517
00:23:32,600 --> 00:23:34,720
Speaker 2: still seeing a little bit of the umbilical core coming

518
00:23:34,760 --> 00:23:38,160
Speaker 2: out of it. I remember what that looked like. It's gross,

519
00:23:38,240 --> 00:23:42,359
Speaker 2: it's fucking weird, it's but it's life.

520
00:23:42,760 --> 00:23:45,199
Speaker 3: My cousin just gave birth and her asshole was inside

521
00:23:45,200 --> 00:23:47,800
Speaker 3: out once she got done giving birth, like inside out,

522
00:23:47,840 --> 00:23:50,040
Speaker 3: and my cousin other cousin was describing it to me,

523
00:23:50,080 --> 00:23:52,239
Speaker 3: and I'm like, I just can't picture exactly what that

524
00:23:52,280 --> 00:23:54,520
Speaker 3: looks like. And she's like, don't worry about it, but

525
00:23:54,640 --> 00:23:57,719
Speaker 3: like her vagina lips her inside of her vagina, just

526
00:23:57,800 --> 00:24:01,600
Speaker 3: on the table lying there, and it's like, oh my god,

527
00:24:01,720 --> 00:24:04,879
Speaker 3: it's so treacherous to even think about.

528
00:24:05,000 --> 00:24:07,200
Speaker 2: Oh I've only had one, but my vagina. Are you

529
00:24:07,200 --> 00:24:09,480
Speaker 2: gonna have more babies? I think I'm just one and done.

530
00:24:09,560 --> 00:24:12,760
Speaker 2: But I now there's a Sea Monster aesthetic with my vagina.

531
00:24:13,040 --> 00:24:15,440
Speaker 1: Now from Sea Monster.

532
00:24:15,119 --> 00:24:17,240
Speaker 2: There's there's like a little bit of prolapse with it,

533
00:24:17,280 --> 00:24:19,199
Speaker 2: where like if you look at my vagina, it's like

534
00:24:19,680 --> 00:24:20,920
Speaker 2: it just looks like someone going.

535
00:24:23,760 --> 00:24:24,159
Speaker 5: Is what it is?

536
00:24:24,200 --> 00:24:25,720
Speaker 2: And I've asked, I asked doctor like is normal and

537
00:24:25,760 --> 00:24:28,280
Speaker 2: she's like, here, You're fine. It's just you pushed a

538
00:24:28,359 --> 00:24:29,480
Speaker 2: huge thing out of your vagina.

539
00:24:29,520 --> 00:24:32,280
Speaker 3: So it's just like, so back to male comics speaking

540
00:24:32,359 --> 00:24:35,440
Speaker 3: of that, So what is your experience so when you're

541
00:24:35,440 --> 00:24:38,240
Speaker 3: doing because you're doing stand up now, I mean obviously

542
00:24:38,280 --> 00:24:41,040
Speaker 3: you're special, you're doing stand up. How is your experience

543
00:24:41,080 --> 00:24:43,000
Speaker 3: been dealing with men in the stand up world?

544
00:24:43,160 --> 00:24:46,600
Speaker 2: Really? I think that they're a lot nicer. I think

545
00:24:46,720 --> 00:24:49,040
Speaker 2: generally the culture has gotten a lot nicer. And also

546
00:24:49,840 --> 00:24:53,040
Speaker 2: I'm coming into these spaces now with some acclaim.

547
00:24:52,960 --> 00:24:55,159
Speaker 1: Right, which changes how people treat you.

548
00:24:55,240 --> 00:24:58,120
Speaker 2: Like it's I don't even know if the way I've

549
00:24:58,119 --> 00:25:00,800
Speaker 2: interacted with certain toxic people is gender. I think it's

550
00:25:01,680 --> 00:25:04,400
Speaker 2: some people are just shitty to everyone, Like I can't

551
00:25:04,440 --> 00:25:06,000
Speaker 2: really parse out how much of it is because I'm

552
00:25:06,000 --> 00:25:07,200
Speaker 2: a girl, and how much of it is just because

553
00:25:07,200 --> 00:25:09,600
Speaker 2: I was. You know, when you're low on the totem

554
00:25:09,600 --> 00:25:13,280
Speaker 2: pole and you're clearly insecure, you're just an easy punching bag.

555
00:25:14,119 --> 00:25:18,439
Speaker 2: So now if I come into a comedy space I

556
00:25:18,600 --> 00:25:21,280
Speaker 2: have there's a certain amount of power that I have.

557
00:25:21,800 --> 00:25:24,440
Speaker 2: And maybe it's that I carry myself with more confidence,

558
00:25:25,160 --> 00:25:27,200
Speaker 2: or it's just people aren't as mean.

559
00:25:27,560 --> 00:25:29,719
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think that's an important thing to recognize as

560
00:25:29,760 --> 00:25:32,720
Speaker 3: a woman, Like for everyone who's listening who people call

561
00:25:32,760 --> 00:25:35,000
Speaker 3: in all the time asking like how do you get confident?

562
00:25:35,119 --> 00:25:36,600
Speaker 2: Or how do you you know, I always want to

563
00:25:36,640 --> 00:25:39,239
Speaker 2: inject to everybody with confidence because it is true. Like

564
00:25:39,320 --> 00:25:41,880
Speaker 2: sometimes you do have to fake it because you can

565
00:25:41,960 --> 00:25:45,520
Speaker 2: smell insecurity on people and that's not a quality that

566
00:25:45,600 --> 00:25:48,119
Speaker 2: you want to be putting forward. So even if you

567
00:25:48,160 --> 00:25:51,520
Speaker 2: have to fake being confident, whatever you think that might be,

568
00:25:52,119 --> 00:25:54,640
Speaker 2: or if you're mimicking someone else you know that's confident,

569
00:25:54,720 --> 00:25:57,560
Speaker 2: like that is a worthwhile endeavor because I do believe

570
00:25:57,560 --> 00:25:58,879
Speaker 2: in faking it until you make it.

571
00:25:58,920 --> 00:26:01,160
Speaker 1: I do believe that if you act the.

572
00:26:01,119 --> 00:26:04,440
Speaker 3: Part, like you know, I pretended I was wealthy and successful.

573
00:26:04,680 --> 00:26:07,320
Speaker 3: Long before I was, I was waiting tables and taking

574
00:26:07,320 --> 00:26:08,960
Speaker 3: people out to dinner, like I've got the tab.

575
00:26:09,000 --> 00:26:10,720
Speaker 1: They're like, you're a waitress. I'm like, Oh, don't worry,

576
00:26:10,720 --> 00:26:11,600
Speaker 1: I've got money coming.

577
00:26:11,960 --> 00:26:14,640
Speaker 3: Like I believe that about myself and it turned out

578
00:26:14,640 --> 00:26:15,240
Speaker 3: to be true.

579
00:26:15,600 --> 00:26:17,719
Speaker 1: And I really do believe in faking it until you

580
00:26:17,760 --> 00:26:18,080
Speaker 1: make it.

581
00:26:18,119 --> 00:26:21,080
Speaker 3: I do believe that in all areas, not just confidence

582
00:26:21,119 --> 00:26:23,720
Speaker 3: and not just career, but in all areas, Like I'm

583
00:26:23,720 --> 00:26:26,480
Speaker 3: going to have a successful relationship, a romantic relationship. If

584
00:26:26,520 --> 00:26:28,520
Speaker 3: that's what you want, you have to act like that's

585
00:26:28,520 --> 00:26:29,520
Speaker 3: what's going to happen.

586
00:26:30,040 --> 00:26:34,040
Speaker 2: I guess what I wish i'd tried doing with some

587
00:26:34,119 --> 00:26:36,960
Speaker 2: of these guys early in my career is I wish

588
00:26:37,000 --> 00:26:40,320
Speaker 2: I would have been like, hey, can we get lunch,

589
00:26:40,960 --> 00:26:42,560
Speaker 2: and then just at lunch, and this is a very

590
00:26:42,560 --> 00:26:44,439
Speaker 2: female thing, been like I think you're so funny, like

591
00:26:44,760 --> 00:26:46,280
Speaker 2: just I'd love to talk to you more about it.

592
00:26:46,600 --> 00:26:49,800
Speaker 2: And because that way then they can't bully someone or

593
00:26:49,840 --> 00:26:51,560
Speaker 2: maybe they still can. Who like took them out to

594
00:26:51,640 --> 00:26:53,280
Speaker 2: lunch and was like, yeah, you know, I'm still learning,

595
00:26:53,320 --> 00:26:56,480
Speaker 2: like anything any help. It's a very indirect female way

596
00:26:56,520 --> 00:26:57,920
Speaker 2: to deal with the problem. But like, I wish I'd

597
00:26:57,960 --> 00:26:59,960
Speaker 2: tried killing them with kindness more just to see what

598
00:27:00,080 --> 00:27:00,720
Speaker 2: would have happened.

599
00:27:01,000 --> 00:27:03,399
Speaker 3: I mean, it's interesting to think about that, but again

600
00:27:03,560 --> 00:27:06,440
Speaker 3: I feel like that's like that's us having to give

601
00:27:06,480 --> 00:27:10,400
Speaker 3: them and to assuage their ego to make them like us.

602
00:27:10,440 --> 00:27:11,359
Speaker 2: And it's like, fuck you.

603
00:27:12,040 --> 00:27:14,400
Speaker 3: I get what you're saying, but I also am like, no, no, no,

604
00:27:14,440 --> 00:27:16,960
Speaker 3: I'm not going out of my way. I deserve as

605
00:27:17,040 --> 00:27:19,800
Speaker 3: much as respect as anyone standing here, even before I

606
00:27:19,880 --> 00:27:23,480
Speaker 3: was successful, just because just because it takes so much

607
00:27:23,520 --> 00:27:25,879
Speaker 3: guts to do what we do. You know, you have

608
00:27:25,960 --> 00:27:28,040
Speaker 3: to be brave. It's already you're already dealing with a

609
00:27:28,080 --> 00:27:30,200
Speaker 3: live audience. Now I need people behind the scenes being

610
00:27:30,200 --> 00:27:30,840
Speaker 3: assholes too.

611
00:27:30,960 --> 00:27:33,280
Speaker 2: So on stage, I have that courage that you're talking about.

612
00:27:33,359 --> 00:27:34,840
Speaker 2: Or is there something that happens when I'm on stage

613
00:27:34,840 --> 00:27:38,120
Speaker 2: that I'm like, yeah, I fucking belong here. Off stage,

614
00:27:39,080 --> 00:27:42,240
Speaker 2: I don't. I'm wildly more sensitive. Yeah, it's just like

615
00:27:42,280 --> 00:27:45,040
Speaker 2: who I am, and it's something I'm actively still working on.

616
00:27:45,240 --> 00:27:47,280
Speaker 3: Well, because I don't think you can change the fact

617
00:27:47,320 --> 00:27:50,239
Speaker 3: that you're sensitive, but you can change your reaction to

618
00:27:50,320 --> 00:27:51,240
Speaker 3: your sensitivity.

619
00:27:51,400 --> 00:27:52,320
Speaker 1: Yeah, right.

620
00:27:52,920 --> 00:27:55,399
Speaker 2: Yeah. What I'm working on too is beating myself up

621
00:27:55,480 --> 00:27:57,640
Speaker 2: less for being sensitive because of not Because that's what's

622
00:27:57,640 --> 00:27:59,520
Speaker 2: bad is when you're sensitive and then you go, why

623
00:27:59,600 --> 00:28:01,359
Speaker 2: why the fuck you letting this bother? You're such a

624
00:28:01,440 --> 00:28:03,920
Speaker 2: you're such a fucking idiot. Now you're sensitive and you're

625
00:28:03,920 --> 00:28:06,399
Speaker 2: calling yourself fucking idiot. Of course, you know, it's like

626
00:28:06,520 --> 00:28:09,360
Speaker 2: internet comments being the best example of like, don't read

627
00:28:09,400 --> 00:28:11,680
Speaker 2: Internet comments, and it's like, well, great, now I'm telling

628
00:28:11,680 --> 00:28:14,359
Speaker 2: myself don't read Internet comments, and I feel sensitive. So

629
00:28:14,400 --> 00:28:17,280
Speaker 2: it's like berating yourself doesn't help.

630
00:28:17,560 --> 00:28:20,240
Speaker 1: No, it does not help. You have to be talking

631
00:28:20,400 --> 00:28:22,040
Speaker 1: very positively to yourself.

632
00:28:22,560 --> 00:28:25,919
Speaker 3: We all do, yeah, especially now, you know, during this

633
00:28:26,000 --> 00:28:28,280
Speaker 3: kind of period of time we're all living in where

634
00:28:28,320 --> 00:28:29,840
Speaker 3: we don't know what the fuck the world is going

635
00:28:29,880 --> 00:28:31,399
Speaker 3: to come to, at least the world that we knew.

636
00:28:31,680 --> 00:28:33,919
Speaker 3: You know, we grew up in America, we thought like

637
00:28:33,960 --> 00:28:36,959
Speaker 3: democracy is a thing that is indestructible, and now we're like,

638
00:28:37,040 --> 00:28:39,560
Speaker 3: oh my god, if any of these people, you know,

639
00:28:39,800 --> 00:28:42,680
Speaker 3: like these cabinet pigs go through, what happens to the FBI,

640
00:28:42,760 --> 00:28:45,160
Speaker 3: what happens to all of our you know, government agencies,

641
00:28:45,640 --> 00:28:47,960
Speaker 3: And you're like what I know to be true might

642
00:28:47,960 --> 00:28:50,240
Speaker 3: not be true at all, or might not be true

643
00:28:50,320 --> 00:28:51,400
Speaker 3: for very much longer.

644
00:28:51,440 --> 00:28:53,160
Speaker 2: I mean when Whmber when the biggest news was the

645
00:28:53,200 --> 00:28:57,080
Speaker 2: President got a blowjob and stuck a cigar up someone's.

646
00:28:56,800 --> 00:28:59,480
Speaker 1: Yeah, Hue, Yeah, I remember that.

647
00:28:59,480 --> 00:29:01,760
Speaker 2: Was the biggest news. That's how I found out what

648
00:29:01,760 --> 00:29:02,480
Speaker 2: blowjobs were.

649
00:29:03,200 --> 00:29:07,480
Speaker 3: All I remember thinking about that was I remember when

650
00:29:07,520 --> 00:29:10,480
Speaker 3: that story came out, and I thought, now, because every

651
00:29:10,480 --> 00:29:13,160
Speaker 3: father knows their daughter is being sexually active, but they're

652
00:29:13,200 --> 00:29:15,480
Speaker 3: not thinking about it. They're putting it to the back

653
00:29:15,480 --> 00:29:17,280
Speaker 3: of their mind. They're like, I don't want to think

654
00:29:17,280 --> 00:29:19,360
Speaker 3: about them, and I'm certainly not going to envision my

655
00:29:19,440 --> 00:29:23,840
Speaker 3: daughter sucking someone's dick. And then poor Monica Leuminsky's father

656
00:29:24,440 --> 00:29:28,360
Speaker 3: knew for sure that her daughter was giving a blowjob

657
00:29:28,480 --> 00:29:32,240
Speaker 3: and knew that about the cigar, Like, I could not

658
00:29:32,400 --> 00:29:34,560
Speaker 3: get that out of my head. I think the first

659
00:29:34,600 --> 00:29:37,240
Speaker 3: time I met Monica, no, I think I knew I

660
00:29:37,320 --> 00:29:39,600
Speaker 3: was smart enough not to tell her that. Anyway, She's

661
00:29:39,640 --> 00:29:41,080
Speaker 3: coming on the podcast soon and we can talk to her.

662
00:29:41,280 --> 00:29:46,080
Speaker 2: I'm such a fan. Also, my dad went was law school.

663
00:29:46,120 --> 00:29:48,520
Speaker 2: He knew someone involved in the case at the time,

664
00:29:48,560 --> 00:29:52,000
Speaker 2: and at the time, I was like eleven, and I'd

665
00:29:52,040 --> 00:29:53,640
Speaker 2: met the guy like a couple times before. I think

666
00:29:53,640 --> 00:29:55,120
Speaker 2: he was really close with my dad when I was younger,

667
00:29:55,120 --> 00:29:57,000
Speaker 2: and he said something to my dad like, you know,

668
00:29:57,040 --> 00:29:58,920
Speaker 2: I was very close with Monica's family, and obviously if

669
00:29:58,920 --> 00:30:02,200
Speaker 2: anything like this were to ever with Rachel, it helped out.

670
00:30:02,360 --> 00:30:07,440
Speaker 2: My dad was like, Oh, my my eleven year old son,

671
00:30:08,600 --> 00:30:10,960
Speaker 2: you're saying, if my eleven year old daughter ever sucks

672
00:30:11,000 --> 00:30:14,680
Speaker 2: the president's cop. I don't know why I know this story,

673
00:30:15,760 --> 00:30:17,960
Speaker 2: but it's been something I've wanted to talk to Monica.

674
00:30:19,280 --> 00:30:21,160
Speaker 3: I want to tell something that Monica said to me.

675
00:30:21,200 --> 00:30:23,080
Speaker 3: I was we were at a friend's house the other

676
00:30:23,160 --> 00:30:25,240
Speaker 3: night and Monica was there and she said this, and

677
00:30:25,320 --> 00:30:27,200
Speaker 3: I think I think she wouldn't mind me sharing this.

678
00:30:27,680 --> 00:30:30,360
Speaker 3: She said when she had the opportunity to vote for

679
00:30:30,440 --> 00:30:34,080
Speaker 3: Hillary Clinton in twenty sixteen, not only did she take it,

680
00:30:34,720 --> 00:30:37,640
Speaker 3: but after she voted for her, she started to make

681
00:30:37,680 --> 00:30:41,480
Speaker 3: plans to move to England because she knew that this

682
00:30:41,640 --> 00:30:42,920
Speaker 3: wasn't going to be a great place for her to

683
00:30:42,960 --> 00:30:45,040
Speaker 3: live with Hillary Clinton as the president. Not that Hillary

684
00:30:45,040 --> 00:30:48,440
Speaker 3: Clinton was threatening her in any way, but just societally speaking,

685
00:30:48,520 --> 00:30:52,160
Speaker 3: being the woman that did that in such a public way,

686
00:30:52,560 --> 00:30:55,400
Speaker 3: and now Hillary Clinton was the President of the United States.

687
00:30:55,400 --> 00:30:57,200
Speaker 3: She just thought she would be safer in the UK

688
00:30:57,600 --> 00:31:00,719
Speaker 3: and at the same time cast her ballot for Hillary Clinton.

689
00:31:01,120 --> 00:31:02,000
Speaker 1: And I got.

690
00:31:01,840 --> 00:31:04,360
Speaker 3: Doosbussed when she told me that, because I was like, Wow,

691
00:31:04,520 --> 00:31:07,560
Speaker 3: what a fucking predicament, you know, what a thing to

692
00:31:07,640 --> 00:31:09,920
Speaker 3: have to do and a thing to have to consider.

693
00:31:10,640 --> 00:31:12,720
Speaker 3: On that note, we're going to take a break and

694
00:31:12,760 --> 00:31:18,600
Speaker 3: we're going to be right back with Rachel Bloom.

695
00:31:19,000 --> 00:31:20,640
Speaker 1: And we're back with Rachel Bloom.

696
00:31:20,880 --> 00:31:23,040
Speaker 4: We are back, and we're going to take some colors

697
00:31:23,040 --> 00:31:23,600
Speaker 4: and some emails.

698
00:31:23,600 --> 00:31:25,640
Speaker 1: We're giving advice. Yes, okay, are you ready?

699
00:31:25,720 --> 00:31:25,960
Speaker 2: Yep?

700
00:31:26,160 --> 00:31:30,720
Speaker 4: All right. We'll start with an email. This comes from Jen.

701
00:31:31,440 --> 00:31:35,400
Speaker 4: Jen says dear Chelsea, longtime listener, first time writer. My

702
00:31:35,480 --> 00:31:37,719
Speaker 4: husband and I, both in our mid forties, have been

703
00:31:37,720 --> 00:31:40,560
Speaker 4: married for ten years. We have one son together, and

704
00:31:40,640 --> 00:31:43,160
Speaker 4: he has a son from a previous relationship, so two kids.

705
00:31:43,400 --> 00:31:45,680
Speaker 4: We have started the divorce process and hope for it

706
00:31:45,720 --> 00:31:48,000
Speaker 4: to be final in the spring. We haven't told the

707
00:31:48,080 --> 00:31:50,080
Speaker 4: kids and we'll wait until we know what's happening with

708
00:31:50,120 --> 00:31:52,720
Speaker 4: the house, etc. We're still living under one roof and

709
00:31:52,760 --> 00:31:56,880
Speaker 4: are mostly cordial. It's never been a real outwardly affectionate relationship,

710
00:31:56,960 --> 00:32:00,360
Speaker 4: so not many changes there. Here's the deal. He soon

711
00:32:00,400 --> 00:32:03,160
Speaker 4: to be X has not told his parents. They're in

712
00:32:03,160 --> 00:32:05,440
Speaker 4: their eighties and his dad is not doing so great

713
00:32:05,520 --> 00:32:08,000
Speaker 4: but okay enough that he's still at home with his

714
00:32:08,040 --> 00:32:10,880
Speaker 4: wife as his primary caregiver. They live close enough to

715
00:32:10,960 --> 00:32:13,200
Speaker 4: us that their family gathers on short notice about once

716
00:32:13,240 --> 00:32:15,600
Speaker 4: a week. I've been able to avoid these gatherings or

717
00:32:15,600 --> 00:32:17,920
Speaker 4: stop by for a couple of minutes with an excuse

718
00:32:17,960 --> 00:32:21,000
Speaker 4: to get out of there. Our anniversary gross was a

719
00:32:21,040 --> 00:32:23,920
Speaker 4: couple of weeks ago. This past weekend and my soon

720
00:32:23,960 --> 00:32:26,120
Speaker 4: to be ex asked if I would stop by their

721
00:32:26,120 --> 00:32:30,440
Speaker 4: house so they could give us an anniversary card. I declined.

722
00:32:31,520 --> 00:32:33,520
Speaker 4: My issue is that I'm starting to look like an

723
00:32:33,560 --> 00:32:36,240
Speaker 4: asshole because their son is lying to them. My soon

724
00:32:36,280 --> 00:32:38,000
Speaker 4: to be X says he's not telling them because of

725
00:32:38,040 --> 00:32:41,040
Speaker 4: their health conditions. My friend and family circle know the

726
00:32:41,120 --> 00:32:43,000
Speaker 4: details of what is going on, as I don't lie

727
00:32:43,000 --> 00:32:45,160
Speaker 4: to those that I'm close with. Am I wrong for

728
00:32:45,280 --> 00:32:47,920
Speaker 4: declining all of the family interaction? Do I go along

729
00:32:47,960 --> 00:32:50,520
Speaker 4: with this lie? What sort of family acts like this?

730
00:32:50,960 --> 00:32:52,640
Speaker 4: Love your show, Jen Boy?

731
00:32:52,840 --> 00:32:56,360
Speaker 2: You go first. That's a really unfair situation to be

732
00:32:56,360 --> 00:33:00,200
Speaker 2: put in. Absolutely, I don't know how sick his parents are,

733
00:33:00,240 --> 00:33:02,400
Speaker 2: Like there's a parson that's like, is there a different

734
00:33:02,520 --> 00:33:04,959
Speaker 2: lie he could tell? So that that doesn't involve you

735
00:33:04,960 --> 00:33:07,320
Speaker 2: because like you can't control that he's lying. Well, you

736
00:33:07,360 --> 00:33:10,560
Speaker 2: can't control is like I'm not participating. So can he

737
00:33:11,320 --> 00:33:13,000
Speaker 2: say that you're going through a mental health thing and

738
00:33:13,000 --> 00:33:15,040
Speaker 2: he doesn't want to discuss it. But you'll be a

739
00:33:15,040 --> 00:33:16,880
Speaker 2: little But I don't know the victim of that lie? No,

740
00:33:16,920 --> 00:33:19,560
Speaker 2: you're right, you're right, I mean I guess he's Look,

741
00:33:19,640 --> 00:33:21,719
Speaker 2: the solution is just fucking tell his parents.

742
00:33:21,760 --> 00:33:24,760
Speaker 1: Well, also I would just this is another mel Robbins.

743
00:33:24,880 --> 00:33:26,960
Speaker 3: Let them let him, let him lie all he wants,

744
00:33:27,000 --> 00:33:28,480
Speaker 3: but do not participate in is lying?

745
00:33:28,520 --> 00:33:29,040
Speaker 1: Fuck off?

746
00:33:29,560 --> 00:33:31,760
Speaker 2: Like a people are is there your ex in laws? Now?

747
00:33:31,800 --> 00:33:33,200
Speaker 2: Like people are sick all the time.

748
00:33:33,280 --> 00:33:35,440
Speaker 3: Also, by the way, like yes, I was gonna say,

749
00:33:35,480 --> 00:33:37,120
Speaker 3: I was gonna say the same thing, how sick are they?

750
00:33:37,160 --> 00:33:40,280
Speaker 1: But also that's not your problem. Your marriage is ending.

751
00:33:40,320 --> 00:33:42,240
Speaker 1: You need closure. Everyone needs to know about it.

752
00:33:42,360 --> 00:33:43,080
Speaker 4: They're going to find out.

753
00:33:43,120 --> 00:33:44,880
Speaker 3: They're going to find out, and you don't want to

754
00:33:44,880 --> 00:33:47,920
Speaker 3: be an asshole for participating in the lie. You know,

755
00:33:48,000 --> 00:33:51,120
Speaker 3: So I would say extricate yourself from that and let

756
00:33:51,200 --> 00:33:53,480
Speaker 3: him tell them and say you're not doing anything anymore

757
00:33:53,520 --> 00:33:54,440
Speaker 3: with them, and if they.

758
00:33:54,320 --> 00:33:56,480
Speaker 2: Think you're or if he doesn't, if he's still lying

759
00:33:56,480 --> 00:33:58,240
Speaker 2: and they just think you're a bitch, then like, okay,

760
00:33:58,920 --> 00:33:59,960
Speaker 2: they're not your in laws anymore.

761
00:34:00,120 --> 00:34:02,000
Speaker 3: Or you can also say hey, if you don't tell them,

762
00:34:02,040 --> 00:34:04,040
Speaker 3: I will, but then that puts the onus on you,

763
00:34:04,080 --> 00:34:05,760
Speaker 3: and you don't need that kind of onus to have

764
00:34:05,800 --> 00:34:07,160
Speaker 3: to tell them, because what if he doesn't tell them

765
00:34:07,200 --> 00:34:08,960
Speaker 3: and then you do have to tell them, you can

766
00:34:09,000 --> 00:34:11,680
Speaker 3: threaten to do that, and then when he doesn't tell them,

767
00:34:11,760 --> 00:34:14,000
Speaker 3: just you know, just I don't know.

768
00:34:14,120 --> 00:34:15,719
Speaker 1: Hopefully kids know, right, No.

769
00:34:15,800 --> 00:34:17,560
Speaker 4: The kids don't know because they're ready to see what

770
00:34:17,600 --> 00:34:19,640
Speaker 4: happens with the house. I feel like that might be

771
00:34:19,680 --> 00:34:20,759
Speaker 4: the turning point here.

772
00:34:21,000 --> 00:34:22,719
Speaker 2: That's when you can start being like fuck it if

773
00:34:22,760 --> 00:34:23,239
Speaker 2: the kids know.

774
00:34:23,400 --> 00:34:26,800
Speaker 3: But there's no obligation to participate in seeing his parents

775
00:34:26,840 --> 00:34:30,440
Speaker 3: all the time. Just just say you're not yeah, whatever,

776
00:34:30,960 --> 00:34:33,439
Speaker 3: like whatever you need to say. But you also don't

777
00:34:33,480 --> 00:34:35,400
Speaker 3: have to lie for other people. And I'm sick of

778
00:34:35,440 --> 00:34:38,280
Speaker 3: people wanting you to participate in their lives.

779
00:34:38,360 --> 00:34:40,080
Speaker 4: I mean, at some point the parents are going to

780
00:34:40,080 --> 00:34:42,000
Speaker 4: be like, do we do something wrong that you're not

781
00:34:42,040 --> 00:34:44,759
Speaker 4: coming over? And at that point it's like, we're getting

782
00:34:44,760 --> 00:34:45,200
Speaker 4: a divorce.

783
00:34:45,360 --> 00:34:47,440
Speaker 2: Yeah, but there's not tell you it's not your problem

784
00:34:47,600 --> 00:34:50,680
Speaker 2: unless they call her specifically, and at which point she

785
00:34:50,719 --> 00:34:52,439
Speaker 2: could be like, yeah, we're getting divorced, exactly right.

786
00:34:52,480 --> 00:34:53,239
Speaker 1: I thought he told you.

787
00:34:53,280 --> 00:34:55,360
Speaker 2: But if they just think you're an asshole, that's not

788
00:34:55,680 --> 00:34:56,880
Speaker 2: your problem. Yeah.

789
00:34:56,960 --> 00:34:59,040
Speaker 1: Yeah, you won't be dealing with them for very long anyway,

790
00:34:59,080 --> 00:35:00,319
Speaker 1: if you're getting divorced.

791
00:35:00,160 --> 00:35:01,960
Speaker 4: Yeah, I would have assumed your son would have told you.

792
00:35:02,000 --> 00:35:03,560
Speaker 4: I think is the line after.

793
00:35:03,480 --> 00:35:04,920
Speaker 1: Like, oh no, we're problem solved.

794
00:35:04,960 --> 00:35:09,000
Speaker 4: There you go, all right, Well, our next caller Maya Wrights.

795
00:35:09,600 --> 00:35:12,840
Speaker 4: Dear Chelsea. I probably don't need to explain why dating

796
00:35:12,920 --> 00:35:15,680
Speaker 4: as an Israeli American has been daunting and scary this year.

797
00:35:16,000 --> 00:35:18,480
Speaker 4: I barely identify as Jewish. My mom has to tell

798
00:35:18,480 --> 00:35:20,080
Speaker 4: me when all the holidays are and to show up

799
00:35:20,120 --> 00:35:22,799
Speaker 4: for dinner. But your nationality, of course, is something that's

800
00:35:22,800 --> 00:35:26,000
Speaker 4: hard to hide. Before this year, my dual nationality was

801
00:35:26,000 --> 00:35:27,759
Speaker 4: something I was more than happy to share up front,

802
00:35:27,800 --> 00:35:29,960
Speaker 4: because it's a core part of my upbringing, but now

803
00:35:30,000 --> 00:35:31,960
Speaker 4: I feel like I have to hide it because who

804
00:35:32,000 --> 00:35:34,000
Speaker 4: knows who's on the other side of these dating apps.

805
00:35:34,320 --> 00:35:36,479
Speaker 4: I'm a bleeding liberal too, so it's a higher chance

806
00:35:36,520 --> 00:35:39,560
Speaker 4: that the like minded liberals I'm seeking are also anti Israel.

807
00:35:40,280 --> 00:35:42,840
Speaker 4: I'm fully American passing since I grew up in the US,

808
00:35:43,040 --> 00:35:44,719
Speaker 4: so I can, of course just not mention it when

809
00:35:44,800 --> 00:35:47,400
Speaker 4: chatting in an app. But honestly, it's such an emotional

810
00:35:47,400 --> 00:35:49,400
Speaker 4: issue for people right now, I do not want to

811
00:35:49,400 --> 00:35:52,920
Speaker 4: be the recipient of someone's misdirected rage. Dating is already

812
00:35:52,920 --> 00:35:55,200
Speaker 4: brutal enough, and this has tipped me over the edge

813
00:35:55,239 --> 00:35:58,200
Speaker 4: towards just giving up. I've tried putting Jewish filter on

814
00:35:58,239 --> 00:36:00,800
Speaker 4: the apps, but I live in Texas, so after swiping

815
00:36:00,800 --> 00:36:03,320
Speaker 4: through the five Jewish men, I see no one is left.

816
00:36:03,719 --> 00:36:03,879
Speaker 5: There.

817
00:36:03,920 --> 00:36:06,440
Speaker 4: Also, isn't a Jewish organization I've been able to find

818
00:36:06,480 --> 00:36:09,239
Speaker 4: to meet people in real life that's not religious. I'm agnostic.

819
00:36:09,960 --> 00:36:11,759
Speaker 4: I'm really happy on my own and live close to

820
00:36:11,800 --> 00:36:13,840
Speaker 4: family and great friends, so moving for the sake of

821
00:36:13,920 --> 00:36:16,359
Speaker 4: dating really is of no interest to me. I don't

822
00:36:16,360 --> 00:36:18,480
Speaker 4: at all feel desperate for a relationship, but I do

823
00:36:18,520 --> 00:36:20,440
Speaker 4: want to find my person and it doesn't seem like

824
00:36:20,480 --> 00:36:24,120
Speaker 4: the geopolitical circumstances are going to change anytime soon. I

825
00:36:24,120 --> 00:36:26,000
Speaker 4: guess the gist of my question is, if I don't

826
00:36:26,000 --> 00:36:28,080
Speaker 4: want to shut myself off to a wider pool of

827
00:36:28,120 --> 00:36:31,319
Speaker 4: non Jewish men in an already challenging dating world, how

828
00:36:31,320 --> 00:36:34,160
Speaker 4: can I approach dating in an open and optimistic way

829
00:36:34,280 --> 00:36:37,400
Speaker 4: that still preserves my emotional safety instead of out of fear?

830
00:36:37,920 --> 00:36:41,600
Speaker 4: Any advice? Maybe your one straight, single, agnostic Jewish man

831
00:36:41,760 --> 00:36:44,160
Speaker 4: or his sisters are listening, Maya.

832
00:36:44,400 --> 00:36:45,720
Speaker 1: Well, hopefully they are listening.

833
00:36:45,800 --> 00:36:47,080
Speaker 2: Hi, Maya.

834
00:36:47,160 --> 00:36:49,840
Speaker 3: Hi, Hi, this is our special guest, Rachel Blue is

835
00:36:49,880 --> 00:36:50,360
Speaker 3: here today.

836
00:36:51,080 --> 00:36:51,560
Speaker 5: Awesome.

837
00:36:51,920 --> 00:36:56,719
Speaker 3: Hi, Hi, You've got Jews in the house. So what

838
00:36:56,880 --> 00:36:57,879
Speaker 3: dating apps are you on?

839
00:36:58,360 --> 00:37:00,759
Speaker 5: I've kind of well, currently I'm not super active, but

840
00:37:00,880 --> 00:37:03,799
Speaker 5: usually whenever I join its hinge mm hmm.

841
00:37:04,120 --> 00:37:07,040
Speaker 3: And do you like present yourself as Israeli? You don't,

842
00:37:07,280 --> 00:37:08,360
Speaker 3: You're just no.

843
00:37:08,680 --> 00:37:11,839
Speaker 5: I used to, you know, pre last year, and now

844
00:37:11,880 --> 00:37:15,239
Speaker 5: it's just kind of I don't know. It's such a

845
00:37:15,239 --> 00:37:18,080
Speaker 5: polarizing topic that I don't know. I feel like it

846
00:37:18,239 --> 00:37:20,240
Speaker 5: will automatically turn a lot of people away.

847
00:37:20,600 --> 00:37:20,799
Speaker 2: Yeah.

848
00:37:20,840 --> 00:37:24,560
Speaker 3: Absolutely, Like I don't think it's it's worth advertising you

849
00:37:24,560 --> 00:37:26,000
Speaker 3: know what I mean, you don't have to be like,

850
00:37:26,080 --> 00:37:29,760
Speaker 3: I'm Israel, because that almost sounds like you're only.

851
00:37:29,680 --> 00:37:32,480
Speaker 1: Like you know, it makes political sea making a political.

852
00:37:32,239 --> 00:37:34,880
Speaker 2: State also, and it also centers your identity in a

853
00:37:34,920 --> 00:37:37,120
Speaker 2: way that like might not be relevant to you too

854
00:37:37,400 --> 00:37:41,319
Speaker 2: to actually you're dating life at all. For sure. It's like, sure,

855
00:37:41,480 --> 00:37:42,960
Speaker 2: if I put on a ding provle like I am

856
00:37:42,960 --> 00:37:46,280
Speaker 2: of Ukrainian descent, Okay, like what I mean, what.

857
00:37:46,400 --> 00:37:48,440
Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, Like I grew up in the States, and

858
00:37:48,520 --> 00:37:51,640
Speaker 5: so it's like, sure, you know I have family there

859
00:37:51,760 --> 00:37:55,840
Speaker 5: and I speak Hebrew, but it's not my current identity,

860
00:37:55,920 --> 00:37:56,479
Speaker 5: I would say.

861
00:37:56,560 --> 00:37:59,520
Speaker 3: And have you experienced men being like once they find

862
00:37:59,560 --> 00:38:01,560
Speaker 3: out that you or Israel aid that, don't they don't

863
00:38:01,560 --> 00:38:03,600
Speaker 3: want to date you?

864
00:38:03,640 --> 00:38:07,319
Speaker 5: No. But I also honestly have just been kind of

865
00:38:07,640 --> 00:38:10,160
Speaker 5: nervous to go on the apps this year. I've just

866
00:38:10,200 --> 00:38:13,840
Speaker 5: been actively avoiding it. I did. I did join hine

867
00:38:14,000 --> 00:38:17,640
Speaker 5: last month for like a week. I chatted with a

868
00:38:17,680 --> 00:38:20,800
Speaker 5: few people, didn't mention anything, set up a few dates,

869
00:38:21,480 --> 00:38:24,200
Speaker 5: and then I just ended up canceling them all because

870
00:38:24,320 --> 00:38:27,120
Speaker 5: just the thought of I don't know, I made me anxious.

871
00:38:27,360 --> 00:38:29,440
Speaker 3: I know, but I don't think you should catastrophize the

872
00:38:29,480 --> 00:38:33,440
Speaker 3: situation because a that is not a boiling point for

873
00:38:33,520 --> 00:38:37,200
Speaker 3: every single person in this world. It's it's shameful that

874
00:38:37,360 --> 00:38:40,920
Speaker 3: people are blaming anyone who's from Israel for Israel's policies.

875
00:38:41,000 --> 00:38:45,000
Speaker 3: And listen, this conversation is an unwinnable conversation because there

876
00:38:45,239 --> 00:38:47,000
Speaker 3: this has been going on for eons and eons.

877
00:38:47,040 --> 00:38:50,080
Speaker 2: You can't help who you are like, Yeah, where anyone

878
00:38:50,120 --> 00:38:52,000
Speaker 2: stands like this is literally just who.

879
00:38:51,840 --> 00:38:55,720
Speaker 3: You are like, and that many people in this world

880
00:38:55,840 --> 00:38:58,840
Speaker 3: have no have no interest in that at all. The

881
00:38:59,000 --> 00:39:01,840
Speaker 3: Palestinian Goaza, you know, the gods of conflict and Israeli

882
00:39:01,840 --> 00:39:03,160
Speaker 3: gods of conflict.

883
00:39:03,320 --> 00:39:05,840
Speaker 1: Many people don't even care about that. They don't understand it,

884
00:39:05,840 --> 00:39:06,920
Speaker 1: they don't want to get involved.

885
00:39:07,160 --> 00:39:07,360
Speaker 5: You know.

886
00:39:07,440 --> 00:39:10,800
Speaker 3: I know we're dealing with this like movement that everyone

887
00:39:11,000 --> 00:39:14,040
Speaker 3: you know that we're experiencing since October seventh, but that's

888
00:39:14,120 --> 00:39:16,799
Speaker 3: not inclusive of the whole world. So I feel like

889
00:39:17,280 --> 00:39:21,279
Speaker 3: you're projecting your worst fears onto your dating situation when

890
00:39:21,320 --> 00:39:23,560
Speaker 3: it's not necessary to do that. If you go on

891
00:39:23,600 --> 00:39:25,480
Speaker 3: a date with a guy, and you go out with

892
00:39:25,560 --> 00:39:27,680
Speaker 3: him a couple of times, you're gonna get a sense

893
00:39:27,719 --> 00:39:29,480
Speaker 3: of who he is and what he stands for, and

894
00:39:29,520 --> 00:39:33,360
Speaker 3: if that's going to be something that he's staunchly against,

895
00:39:33,440 --> 00:39:37,480
Speaker 3: and I would venture to guess that it won't be

896
00:39:37,760 --> 00:39:40,560
Speaker 3: like it's You're not going to be only running into

897
00:39:40,640 --> 00:39:43,240
Speaker 3: people that are pro Palestinian and anti Israel.

898
00:39:43,880 --> 00:39:45,120
Speaker 1: Even though you're in Texas.

899
00:39:45,120 --> 00:39:47,560
Speaker 3: There are still plenty of people who are not engaged

900
00:39:47,560 --> 00:39:50,000
Speaker 3: in that conflict, who are not paying attention to that conflict.

901
00:39:50,239 --> 00:39:52,719
Speaker 1: We're living in America, you know what I mean. There

902
00:39:52,760 --> 00:39:54,080
Speaker 1: are a million things.

903
00:39:53,880 --> 00:39:56,120
Speaker 3: Going on that people are interested in, and many people

904
00:39:56,200 --> 00:39:58,719
Speaker 3: are not interested in politics. So I think you have

905
00:39:58,800 --> 00:40:01,319
Speaker 3: to reframe the way that you're like looking into things.

906
00:40:01,320 --> 00:40:04,160
Speaker 3: You don't need to represent yourself on the dating apps

907
00:40:04,200 --> 00:40:06,600
Speaker 3: that way. I think what you need to do is

908
00:40:06,640 --> 00:40:09,520
Speaker 3: be a little bit more open minded and try not

909
00:40:09,640 --> 00:40:12,560
Speaker 3: to come from this place of fear and try to

910
00:40:12,600 --> 00:40:15,319
Speaker 3: be like, you know, someone meets you three or four

911
00:40:15,360 --> 00:40:17,440
Speaker 3: times and gets to know you, even if they do

912
00:40:17,480 --> 00:40:19,879
Speaker 3: have strong feelings about that, they're gonna go, oh, well, wait,

913
00:40:20,200 --> 00:40:23,759
Speaker 3: here's a perfect example of someone who's from Israel who

914
00:40:24,160 --> 00:40:27,279
Speaker 3: is not. You know, whatever your position is, like, you're

915
00:40:27,280 --> 00:40:30,120
Speaker 3: not a threat to that person. You don't have completely

916
00:40:30,120 --> 00:40:33,040
Speaker 3: opposing views to that person. You probably would find that

917
00:40:33,080 --> 00:40:35,160
Speaker 3: out sooner than three or four dates before you even

918
00:40:35,200 --> 00:40:38,000
Speaker 3: reveal your personal life. And I feel like religion is

919
00:40:38,080 --> 00:40:41,600
Speaker 3: personal and you're not even very religious. You said you're

920
00:40:41,640 --> 00:40:45,160
Speaker 3: kind of agnostic, right, I mean I'm an agnostic Jew too.

921
00:40:45,200 --> 00:40:46,799
Speaker 2: I relate to Jews absolutely.

922
00:40:46,840 --> 00:40:49,640
Speaker 3: I was raised that way, and I'm very proud to

923
00:40:49,680 --> 00:40:53,520
Speaker 3: be a Jewish person, but that doesn't preclude me from

924
00:40:53,880 --> 00:40:57,879
Speaker 3: interacting with people who have different mindsets. And so give

925
00:40:57,920 --> 00:41:00,840
Speaker 3: yourself a little bit more like wiggle room the dating area.

926
00:41:01,000 --> 00:41:03,600
Speaker 3: You're gonna know someone and get to know someone a

927
00:41:03,600 --> 00:41:05,600
Speaker 3: little bit before you even have to make that kind

928
00:41:05,600 --> 00:41:06,440
Speaker 3: of decision or.

929
00:41:06,600 --> 00:41:12,719
Speaker 2: Call as a fear based jew atheist jew. Two suggestions

930
00:41:12,719 --> 00:41:17,200
Speaker 2: and questions. One have you considered jaswipe or does it suck?

931
00:41:17,520 --> 00:41:18,600
Speaker 5: I've never actually heard of that.

932
00:41:18,880 --> 00:41:21,960
Speaker 1: Maybe either, it's okay. So this is I've been.

933
00:41:21,800 --> 00:41:24,600
Speaker 2: With my husband for sixteen years, so I never internet dated.

934
00:41:24,880 --> 00:41:27,880
Speaker 2: So this is mom coming in. Jswipe is what I

935
00:41:27,920 --> 00:41:31,240
Speaker 2: believe what Jada now is and it's its own app.

936
00:41:31,680 --> 00:41:33,440
Speaker 2: If you're worried about because I get it like you're

937
00:41:33,480 --> 00:41:36,440
Speaker 2: worried about just like someone coming at you for something

938
00:41:36,480 --> 00:41:40,279
Speaker 2: you truly can't change about yourself. So I wonder, I

939
00:41:40,320 --> 00:41:43,800
Speaker 2: just wonder about I've heard different things about jaswipe. Again,

940
00:41:44,080 --> 00:41:46,560
Speaker 2: I apologize if I'm maybe I'm saying an app that

941
00:41:46,800 --> 00:41:49,480
Speaker 2: is already defunked because I've never online dated. But the

942
00:41:49,560 --> 00:41:53,760
Speaker 2: other thing is jswipe. The other thing is because I'm

943
00:41:53,920 --> 00:41:56,719
Speaker 2: fully like an atheist. But I don't know how much

944
00:41:56,760 --> 00:42:00,719
Speaker 2: you've checked out local temples and like Jewish organization, but like,

945
00:42:01,120 --> 00:42:03,759
Speaker 2: and maybe this is like an LA thing, but there

946
00:42:03,880 --> 00:42:08,120
Speaker 2: are some reform places that are like the God is optional.

947
00:42:08,200 --> 00:42:10,840
Speaker 2: This is much more about the culture that I wonder

948
00:42:10,840 --> 00:42:13,080
Speaker 2: if you did a little bit of poking around and digging,

949
00:42:13,320 --> 00:42:16,280
Speaker 2: because there are certainly places like that in LA where

950
00:42:16,920 --> 00:42:22,040
Speaker 2: you can fully like be an atheist and it's cool,

951
00:42:22,080 --> 00:42:24,400
Speaker 2: like it's part of the culture of that place. And

952
00:42:24,480 --> 00:42:26,719
Speaker 2: I wonder, I don't know what city you're at in Texas,

953
00:42:26,920 --> 00:42:31,160
Speaker 2: but there are definitely places and Jewish spaces to go

954
00:42:31,200 --> 00:42:33,080
Speaker 2: to that aren't just like, well, if you know, it's

955
00:42:33,120 --> 00:42:34,120
Speaker 2: all about God.

956
00:42:34,360 --> 00:42:37,360
Speaker 5: Yeah, I think you know, like you said, you're atheism agnostic.

957
00:42:37,760 --> 00:42:40,680
Speaker 5: I think it is. I've avoided that kind of thing

958
00:42:40,719 --> 00:42:43,480
Speaker 5: because to me, that is very religious centered. But you know,

959
00:42:43,480 --> 00:42:46,200
Speaker 5: I don't know. I think there's one synagogue here.

960
00:42:46,040 --> 00:42:49,160
Speaker 3: So yeah, But I mean, have you done research online

961
00:42:49,200 --> 00:42:51,880
Speaker 3: and looked for any sort of like Jewish community stuff

962
00:42:51,960 --> 00:42:55,000
Speaker 3: or Jewish dating stuff, because listen, you're not like, you're

963
00:42:55,000 --> 00:42:57,040
Speaker 3: not the only Jewish person in Texas.

964
00:42:57,160 --> 00:42:59,320
Speaker 1: And I guarantee you there are other people.

965
00:42:59,120 --> 00:43:01,080
Speaker 3: Who are feeling the way that you're feeling that want

966
00:43:01,080 --> 00:43:03,960
Speaker 3: to be congregating like with each other or dating with

967
00:43:04,040 --> 00:43:05,919
Speaker 3: each other and mixing with each other.

968
00:43:06,120 --> 00:43:07,960
Speaker 1: And it doesn't have to be religious based.

969
00:43:07,960 --> 00:43:10,040
Speaker 3: I'm a reform Jew, like I was raised like that,

970
00:43:10,400 --> 00:43:12,680
Speaker 3: and that's like, you know, it's just.

971
00:43:12,640 --> 00:43:14,640
Speaker 1: Like the bare minimum of being a Jew.

972
00:43:14,880 --> 00:43:18,520
Speaker 3: And it's very casual, you know, it's not like religious folk.

973
00:43:18,800 --> 00:43:20,080
Speaker 1: It is culture focused.

974
00:43:20,120 --> 00:43:23,480
Speaker 3: It's not as religious as like being a conservative or

975
00:43:23,880 --> 00:43:26,960
Speaker 3: an orthodox Jewish person. And I understand that it can

976
00:43:26,960 --> 00:43:29,920
Speaker 3: feel ostracizing, but I wouldn't give up hope that there

977
00:43:29,960 --> 00:43:32,160
Speaker 3: are more communities that you just don't know about yet

978
00:43:32,360 --> 00:43:33,000
Speaker 3: where you are.

979
00:43:33,080 --> 00:43:36,920
Speaker 2: I bet you there's a JCC not too far. I mean,

980
00:43:37,120 --> 00:43:38,680
Speaker 2: I don't know where you're at in Texas, but like

981
00:43:39,000 --> 00:43:41,399
Speaker 2: a place like that that it's a Jewish Community center.

982
00:43:41,480 --> 00:43:41,840
Speaker 1: That's so.

983
00:43:43,120 --> 00:43:46,120
Speaker 2: I mean, I live in the most like liberal agnostic

984
00:43:46,120 --> 00:43:48,680
Speaker 2: place ever, so I'm surrounded by like Jewish spaces that

985
00:43:48,719 --> 00:43:50,759
Speaker 2: are very much like God optional. But I feel like

986
00:43:50,800 --> 00:43:54,319
Speaker 2: if you looked, if you did a little poking even

987
00:43:54,360 --> 00:43:58,160
Speaker 2: on like Reddit, maybe I bet there's some spaces where

988
00:43:58,640 --> 00:44:02,680
Speaker 2: because like it's so Jewish to be agnostic, Like that's

989
00:44:02,760 --> 00:44:04,680
Speaker 2: like a very like that's the trick. Is you say

990
00:44:04,680 --> 00:44:06,520
Speaker 2: to any rabbi I'm an atheist, they go, oh, that's

991
00:44:06,640 --> 00:44:10,719
Speaker 2: very Jewish. So I feel like there's gotta be pockets.

992
00:44:11,040 --> 00:44:12,960
Speaker 2: And also, I mean side note, my cousin used to

993
00:44:13,000 --> 00:44:15,640
Speaker 2: be a rabbi in Texas, so I could on the

994
00:44:15,719 --> 00:44:19,680
Speaker 2: DL ask him for tips. Yeah, yeah, I could text

995
00:44:19,719 --> 00:44:22,160
Speaker 2: him right after this and then just separately reach out

996
00:44:22,200 --> 00:44:23,200
Speaker 2: to you and see what he says.

997
00:44:23,560 --> 00:44:24,680
Speaker 5: Oh I'd love that, thank you.

998
00:44:24,800 --> 00:44:25,080
Speaker 2: Yeah.

999
00:44:25,160 --> 00:44:28,319
Speaker 4: Yeah, And I love Expanding your area doesn't necessarily mean

1000
00:44:28,320 --> 00:44:30,239
Speaker 4: you have to move, Like you could have like kind

1001
00:44:30,239 --> 00:44:33,239
Speaker 4: of a long distance fun like flingy thing, or you

1002
00:44:33,239 --> 00:44:35,439
Speaker 4: know somebody that you visit here and there and that's great,

1003
00:44:35,560 --> 00:44:37,200
Speaker 4: or maybe somebody wants to move to where you are

1004
00:44:37,280 --> 00:44:38,480
Speaker 4: if it gets serious enough.

1005
00:44:38,560 --> 00:44:40,680
Speaker 1: You know, Yeah, expanding your area is good too.

1006
00:44:40,920 --> 00:44:43,320
Speaker 3: I do like that idea because I'm a big advocate

1007
00:44:43,360 --> 00:44:45,480
Speaker 3: of long distance relationships. I think those are more fun

1008
00:44:45,520 --> 00:44:48,200
Speaker 3: anyway than having somebody up your ass all day long,

1009
00:44:48,239 --> 00:44:50,520
Speaker 3: every day. It gives you something to look forward to,

1010
00:44:50,960 --> 00:44:53,120
Speaker 3: and it gives you someone to communicate with and sex

1011
00:44:53,239 --> 00:44:55,680
Speaker 3: with and flirt with and all that fun stuff. You know,

1012
00:44:56,120 --> 00:44:58,839
Speaker 3: that beginning period of relationship is the most fun part

1013
00:44:58,840 --> 00:45:01,960
Speaker 3: of the relationship, where you're constantly talking on the phone

1014
00:45:02,440 --> 00:45:04,840
Speaker 3: making plans to see each other like that is fun.

1015
00:45:05,080 --> 00:45:06,520
Speaker 4: And long distance extends that.

1016
00:45:06,680 --> 00:45:08,360
Speaker 1: Yes, it does, It does extend that.

1017
00:45:08,600 --> 00:45:08,920
Speaker 2: Yeah.

1018
00:45:09,400 --> 00:45:11,920
Speaker 4: Also, I wanted to say jas Wipe Israel is the

1019
00:45:12,000 --> 00:45:13,279
Speaker 4: number one Jewish dating app.

1020
00:45:13,440 --> 00:45:15,439
Speaker 3: Oh my god, look at Rachel bloom On that way

1021
00:45:15,600 --> 00:45:17,520
Speaker 3: with your finger on the pulse of all Jews.

1022
00:45:18,000 --> 00:45:20,040
Speaker 5: I will look into that immediately after.

1023
00:45:20,640 --> 00:45:23,399
Speaker 3: Yeah, And just I also just really in your head,

1024
00:45:24,000 --> 00:45:27,000
Speaker 3: don't catastrophize the fact that you're from Israel and that

1025
00:45:27,120 --> 00:45:32,040
Speaker 3: you're Jewish. That's okay, that's okay, And most people who

1026
00:45:32,120 --> 00:45:34,960
Speaker 3: are reasonable will understand that you're not going to want

1027
00:45:34,960 --> 00:45:36,640
Speaker 3: to go on a second date with any guy. That's

1028
00:45:36,640 --> 00:45:39,000
Speaker 3: not going to understand that anyway. And also you don't

1029
00:45:39,000 --> 00:45:42,239
Speaker 3: have to divulge that immediately but be a little bit

1030
00:45:42,280 --> 00:45:46,040
Speaker 3: more like broad minded, not to the point of being naive.

1031
00:45:46,600 --> 00:45:48,320
Speaker 1: You know, you know what's happening in the world.

1032
00:45:48,400 --> 00:45:48,920
Speaker 2: We all do.

1033
00:45:49,040 --> 00:45:50,359
Speaker 1: We're all aware of what's going on.

1034
00:45:50,480 --> 00:45:52,360
Speaker 3: But just to be a little bit more open minded

1035
00:45:52,400 --> 00:45:54,560
Speaker 3: and give people a little bit more credit. You know,

1036
00:45:54,600 --> 00:45:56,640
Speaker 3: if you start to understand if you go on a

1037
00:45:56,640 --> 00:45:59,279
Speaker 3: couple dates with somebody that doesn't know your Israeli or

1038
00:45:59,320 --> 00:46:00,959
Speaker 3: they don't know your wish and.

1039
00:46:01,120 --> 00:46:03,440
Speaker 1: After a couple of dates, you're gonna know whether or

1040
00:46:03,520 --> 00:46:05,200
Speaker 1: not to share that information with them.

1041
00:46:05,440 --> 00:46:06,120
Speaker 4: That's a fair point.

1042
00:46:06,320 --> 00:46:09,520
Speaker 2: You could also try doing it on It's like hands right,

1043
00:46:09,640 --> 00:46:12,680
Speaker 2: you could also try doing it see what happens. I

1044
00:46:12,719 --> 00:46:13,880
Speaker 2: don't know if you have a close friend that like

1045
00:46:13,920 --> 00:46:16,200
Speaker 2: maybe you could give them your Hinge password and they

1046
00:46:16,280 --> 00:46:20,080
Speaker 2: could check messages for you and just be like, so

1047
00:46:20,200 --> 00:46:21,719
Speaker 2: what is it like? So that way you don't have

1048
00:46:21,760 --> 00:46:24,560
Speaker 2: to read just in cases like you start getting bombarded

1049
00:46:24,600 --> 00:46:27,319
Speaker 2: with stuff. Again, I've never been on apps, so I

1050
00:46:27,320 --> 00:46:29,520
Speaker 2: don't know what apps look like really, but like, is

1051
00:46:29,560 --> 00:46:30,799
Speaker 2: there like a friend that you could be like, hey,

1052
00:46:30,800 --> 00:46:33,279
Speaker 2: could you just I started doing this a week ago,

1053
00:46:33,440 --> 00:46:35,000
Speaker 2: can you just take a look through the messages? Let

1054
00:46:35,040 --> 00:46:37,480
Speaker 2: me know what the vibe is and they're like, I

1055
00:46:37,480 --> 00:46:39,520
Speaker 2: don't see anything, and then you know it's like safe

1056
00:46:39,520 --> 00:46:42,400
Speaker 2: and that way you haven't read a ton of terrible things.

1057
00:46:42,760 --> 00:46:45,560
Speaker 5: Yeah. Yeah, that's a good point. I think my main

1058
00:46:46,320 --> 00:46:48,080
Speaker 5: concern is, you know, if I wait two or three

1059
00:46:48,160 --> 00:46:52,000
Speaker 5: dates to divulge this key part of my upbringing, if

1060
00:46:52,040 --> 00:46:54,400
Speaker 5: even if it's not, you know, my life now to

1061
00:46:54,560 --> 00:46:56,920
Speaker 5: just spring it on someone a few dates in. But

1062
00:46:56,960 --> 00:47:00,480
Speaker 5: I get it like it is protecting myself too, you know,

1063
00:47:00,760 --> 00:47:03,640
Speaker 5: in getting to know someone before if I'm feeling nervous

1064
00:47:03,680 --> 00:47:04,960
Speaker 5: before divulging that, do.

1065
00:47:04,920 --> 00:47:06,640
Speaker 2: You say agnostic Jew in your profile?

1066
00:47:08,239 --> 00:47:10,080
Speaker 5: To be honest, I don't know. I think I put

1067
00:47:10,360 --> 00:47:11,960
Speaker 5: just agnostic because.

1068
00:47:11,719 --> 00:47:14,640
Speaker 2: If you say agnostic Jew, then you're like kind of

1069
00:47:14,680 --> 00:47:20,000
Speaker 2: letting people know you're Jewish, and anyone who's like doesn't

1070
00:47:20,000 --> 00:47:23,160
Speaker 2: want a dated Jew period won't date you. I feel

1071
00:47:23,160 --> 00:47:25,719
Speaker 2: like that might help narrow some stuff down too.

1072
00:47:26,520 --> 00:47:29,840
Speaker 4: Yeah, that's true something I listened to recently. The Daily

1073
00:47:30,040 --> 00:47:33,600
Speaker 4: just did a piece on it's on dating over fifty online,

1074
00:47:33,920 --> 00:47:36,920
Speaker 4: which is not necessarily your situation, but there were some

1075
00:47:36,960 --> 00:47:39,959
Speaker 4: really good tips in there about it's the haystack theory.

1076
00:47:40,000 --> 00:47:41,440
Speaker 4: They say, like, how do you find a needle in

1077
00:47:41,440 --> 00:47:44,799
Speaker 4: a haystack, light the haystack on fire. So basically it

1078
00:47:44,840 --> 00:47:48,920
Speaker 4: talks about totally reinventing your your online persona and like

1079
00:47:49,440 --> 00:47:51,560
Speaker 4: really whittling down to like, here's actually who I do

1080
00:47:51,640 --> 00:47:54,920
Speaker 4: want rather than having the broadest possible results. And a

1081
00:47:54,960 --> 00:47:57,279
Speaker 4: lot of people have found some success with that. Check

1082
00:47:57,360 --> 00:47:58,600
Speaker 4: that out. There's a bunch of good tips in.

1083
00:47:58,560 --> 00:48:01,360
Speaker 1: There that does make sense. You know you are reading

1084
00:48:01,400 --> 00:48:02,000
Speaker 1: people out.

1085
00:48:02,320 --> 00:48:04,480
Speaker 3: Yeah, I just wouldn't want her to become a target,

1086
00:48:04,600 --> 00:48:06,319
Speaker 3: you know, for who are like.

1087
00:48:06,320 --> 00:48:09,080
Speaker 4: Oh, you know, let me make my stance on hinge.

1088
00:48:09,360 --> 00:48:11,640
Speaker 2: Yeah, like that's why I'm like, is there someone who

1089
00:48:11,719 --> 00:48:13,560
Speaker 2: could like go through the.

1090
00:48:13,520 --> 00:48:16,839
Speaker 3: First sec identify herself as a Jew as agnostic Jew?

1091
00:48:16,880 --> 00:48:20,840
Speaker 2: And yeah, people like see agnostic Jew that means certain

1092
00:48:20,880 --> 00:48:23,600
Speaker 2: things to different people, and then see like what the

1093
00:48:23,640 --> 00:48:25,640
Speaker 2: type of messages that come in and then like maybe

1094
00:48:26,080 --> 00:48:28,480
Speaker 2: you have a friend who helps you like whittle through

1095
00:48:28,480 --> 00:48:30,600
Speaker 2: that way. It's not just all on you if the

1096
00:48:30,640 --> 00:48:33,520
Speaker 2: messages get really like volatile, Yeah.

1097
00:48:33,400 --> 00:48:35,000
Speaker 5: I could probably ask my sister to do that. She

1098
00:48:35,120 --> 00:48:35,680
Speaker 5: probably love that.

1099
00:48:35,960 --> 00:48:36,200
Speaker 1: Yeah.

1100
00:48:36,800 --> 00:48:38,319
Speaker 2: When I'm doing I'm an only child, this is when

1101
00:48:38,360 --> 00:48:42,359
Speaker 2: I get really jealous. Yeah, yeah, that sounds really nice.

1102
00:48:42,840 --> 00:48:44,680
Speaker 4: Love this kind of stuff. All right, well will you

1103
00:48:45,080 --> 00:48:46,080
Speaker 4: let us know how it goes?

1104
00:48:46,560 --> 00:48:47,839
Speaker 5: I will, yes, thank you all.

1105
00:48:47,880 --> 00:48:51,279
Speaker 2: So I message my cousin, Oh yes, like I'll just

1106
00:48:51,320 --> 00:48:52,040
Speaker 2: ask exactly.

1107
00:48:52,760 --> 00:48:53,760
Speaker 1: Yeah is he single?

1108
00:48:54,280 --> 00:48:55,040
Speaker 2: He's super not?

1109
00:48:55,320 --> 00:48:56,560
Speaker 1: Oh okay, well maybe he yes.

1110
00:48:56,600 --> 00:48:57,080
Speaker 2: I'm Jewish.

1111
00:48:57,239 --> 00:48:58,080
Speaker 1: I think yeah.

1112
00:48:58,160 --> 00:48:59,960
Speaker 3: I think you have to have a more optimistic out,

1113
00:49:00,320 --> 00:49:01,840
Speaker 3: be hopeful and be optimistic.

1114
00:49:01,880 --> 00:49:03,120
Speaker 2: Whole place is godless.

1115
00:49:03,360 --> 00:49:06,440
Speaker 4: And also sisters like listeners. If you are those sisters

1116
00:49:06,480 --> 00:49:09,840
Speaker 4: who have a brother, send us an emailat thank you

1117
00:49:09,880 --> 00:49:10,200
Speaker 4: so much.

1118
00:49:10,239 --> 00:49:13,680
Speaker 5: Maya Okay, thank you all, bye, maya good luck.

1119
00:49:14,840 --> 00:49:16,520
Speaker 1: I feel like we gave her eight different things to do.

1120
00:49:16,920 --> 00:49:19,360
Speaker 2: We're like good though, lots of things. I heard of

1121
00:49:19,480 --> 00:49:20,680
Speaker 2: this thing called chase.

1122
00:49:21,920 --> 00:49:24,640
Speaker 1: Well you were right on the money. Someone's paying attention.

1123
00:49:25,400 --> 00:49:28,160
Speaker 4: Well, we have one more caller. We can either take

1124
00:49:28,160 --> 00:49:30,359
Speaker 4: our little break and come back for our caller, or I.

1125
00:49:30,320 --> 00:49:30,719
Speaker 1: Will do that.

1126
00:49:30,719 --> 00:49:32,160
Speaker 3: We'll take a break and we'll be right back with

1127
00:49:32,239 --> 00:49:41,680
Speaker 3: Rachel Bloom.

1128
00:49:37,360 --> 00:49:38,000
Speaker 2: And we're back.

1129
00:49:38,160 --> 00:49:41,359
Speaker 4: We are back. Our last caller today is Deanna. She says,

1130
00:49:41,400 --> 00:49:45,080
Speaker 4: Dear Chelsea, here's my situation. I'm in my early forties,

1131
00:49:45,200 --> 00:49:48,040
Speaker 4: never married, no children, I have a long term boyfriend

1132
00:49:48,080 --> 00:49:50,920
Speaker 4: of almost eight years. He came with a dog, Yama.

1133
00:49:51,520 --> 00:49:54,080
Speaker 4: Over the years, Yama and I created a very strong

1134
00:49:54,160 --> 00:49:57,680
Speaker 4: bond through COVID, moving to different states, countless hikes and

1135
00:49:57,760 --> 00:50:01,440
Speaker 4: backpacking trips, and working remotely. He has been by my side,

1136
00:50:01,600 --> 00:50:05,040
Speaker 4: best coworker ever. In the beginning of October, his health

1137
00:50:05,080 --> 00:50:07,760
Speaker 4: took a turn. He went from sixty pounds to forty

1138
00:50:07,800 --> 00:50:09,839
Speaker 4: in a matter of weeks. We treated him for all

1139
00:50:09,880 --> 00:50:13,080
Speaker 4: sorts of things. Nothing worked. My strong dog, who hiked

1140
00:50:13,120 --> 00:50:16,160
Speaker 4: up countless mountains with me, couldn't even get up the stairs.

1141
00:50:16,480 --> 00:50:18,560
Speaker 4: The VET deduced it had to be cancer, so on

1142
00:50:18,600 --> 00:50:21,840
Speaker 4: October twenty third, we said goodbye. It happened fast, and

1143
00:50:21,880 --> 00:50:24,359
Speaker 4: I have been taking it really hard. I'm not exaggerating

1144
00:50:24,400 --> 00:50:26,920
Speaker 4: when I say I haven't loved anyone or felt closer

1145
00:50:26,920 --> 00:50:28,319
Speaker 4: to anyone than I did with him.

1146
00:50:29,000 --> 00:50:29,560
Speaker 2: Then add this.

1147
00:50:29,520 --> 00:50:32,320
Speaker 4: Election business, and I just feel so lost and alone.

1148
00:50:32,640 --> 00:50:34,239
Speaker 4: I know you're a dog mom, and I know you've

1149
00:50:34,239 --> 00:50:36,719
Speaker 4: suffered great loss in that arena. Any advice on how

1150
00:50:36,719 --> 00:50:39,400
Speaker 4: to press forward at this moment, I never won another

1151
00:50:39,400 --> 00:50:42,600
Speaker 4: pet again. The idea of going through this feels masochistic,

1152
00:50:42,920 --> 00:50:45,239
Speaker 4: but I know that's my grief talking. I appreciate any

1153
00:50:45,239 --> 00:50:47,480
Speaker 4: advice you can share. Love you and all that you do.

1154
00:50:47,640 --> 00:50:51,239
Speaker 2: Deanna, Hi, Deanna, Hi, Hi, y.

1155
00:50:51,560 --> 00:50:54,160
Speaker 1: We have another dog lover here today, Rachel Bluem.

1156
00:50:54,800 --> 00:50:57,279
Speaker 2: Nice to meet Yeah, to meet you. I really feel you.

1157
00:50:57,680 --> 00:50:59,359
Speaker 2: I'm sorry that you lost your lover.

1158
00:51:00,360 --> 00:51:00,719
Speaker 4: Thank you.

1159
00:51:00,760 --> 00:51:03,439
Speaker 2: That was really hard to listen to again. Yeah, I'm sorry.

1160
00:51:04,280 --> 00:51:08,359
Speaker 1: Say honestly, you need to get another dog. You do.

1161
00:51:08,800 --> 00:51:11,120
Speaker 3: You're gonna love another dog just as much as you

1162
00:51:11,200 --> 00:51:14,160
Speaker 3: loved this dog. Your love is that is not like

1163
00:51:14,320 --> 00:51:16,480
Speaker 3: you know, like it doesn't it's not fin You need

1164
00:51:16,560 --> 00:51:19,319
Speaker 3: to give your love to another person or another thing

1165
00:51:19,760 --> 00:51:22,440
Speaker 3: or another animal, and like that's how it happens. When

1166
00:51:22,480 --> 00:51:24,360
Speaker 3: as soon as I lose it, as soon as I

1167
00:51:24,360 --> 00:51:26,600
Speaker 3: see one of my dogs going downhill, I get another

1168
00:51:26,640 --> 00:51:28,440
Speaker 3: dog so that it will soften the blow when I

1169
00:51:28,440 --> 00:51:31,040
Speaker 3: lose my dog. Because there are so much love to

1170
00:51:31,120 --> 00:51:33,360
Speaker 3: be had in this world. There are so many animals

1171
00:51:33,440 --> 00:51:35,000
Speaker 3: that need to be loved. In the way that you're

1172
00:51:35,000 --> 00:51:38,319
Speaker 3: discussing your love or the way that you expressed your

1173
00:51:38,320 --> 00:51:40,600
Speaker 3: love for your dog, you have to give that away

1174
00:51:40,600 --> 00:51:43,279
Speaker 3: to someone else, and you will, and that will help

1175
00:51:43,320 --> 00:51:46,359
Speaker 3: you heal. I promise you that will help you heal.

1176
00:51:46,880 --> 00:51:48,480
Speaker 3: You don't have to get a puppy. Go get a

1177
00:51:48,520 --> 00:51:52,399
Speaker 3: rescue dog, you know, oh yes, of course, and go

1178
00:51:52,600 --> 00:51:55,799
Speaker 3: look at and fall in love and transfer that love

1179
00:51:55,840 --> 00:51:56,439
Speaker 3: that you had.

1180
00:51:56,520 --> 00:51:58,600
Speaker 1: You don't even have to think about it. It will happen.

1181
00:51:59,160 --> 00:52:01,960
Speaker 2: You can also try five yeah, as like a way

1182
00:52:02,000 --> 00:52:05,200
Speaker 2: station if like you're not ready. Also, I don't know

1183
00:52:05,200 --> 00:52:06,880
Speaker 2: if this is what you're feeling, but I feel like

1184
00:52:06,920 --> 00:52:11,160
Speaker 2: there's a certain shame sometimes of over people morning pets,

1185
00:52:11,160 --> 00:52:12,480
Speaker 2: where they're like, I know, it's just a pet, I

1186
00:52:12,520 --> 00:52:14,919
Speaker 2: know it's and it's and I think in case, that's

1187
00:52:14,960 --> 00:52:16,319
Speaker 2: a part of you that's like I don't know why

1188
00:52:16,360 --> 00:52:18,840
Speaker 2: I can't get over this, like just allowing yourself to

1189
00:52:18,920 --> 00:52:22,680
Speaker 2: feel the grief over this being that you loved, and

1190
00:52:23,120 --> 00:52:27,720
Speaker 2: if it were a human, what grief would you allow yourself? Rachel,

1191
00:52:27,760 --> 00:52:30,880
Speaker 2: That's exactly what I'm feeling now. Yep, thank you for

1192
00:52:30,960 --> 00:52:31,960
Speaker 2: that validation.

1193
00:52:32,320 --> 00:52:34,399
Speaker 3: And also you're saying I don't know if I could

1194
00:52:34,400 --> 00:52:38,960
Speaker 3: ever go through this again, like you can. You're sitting

1195
00:52:39,040 --> 00:52:42,560
Speaker 3: right here, you're going through it. You are surviving. You

1196
00:52:42,600 --> 00:52:44,919
Speaker 3: can go through this again. You're going to go find

1197
00:52:44,960 --> 00:52:47,520
Speaker 3: another dog, You're gonna foster it or you're gonna rescue

1198
00:52:47,520 --> 00:52:49,520
Speaker 3: it and you're going to form a bond with it.

1199
00:52:49,680 --> 00:52:51,279
Speaker 3: And if it doesn't work with the first dog or

1200
00:52:51,320 --> 00:52:53,319
Speaker 3: you don't feel it, then great, then you'll get a

1201
00:52:53,320 --> 00:52:55,239
Speaker 3: different dog, if you foster a dog or if you

1202
00:52:55,480 --> 00:52:58,359
Speaker 3: but I promise you, when you adopt a dog, it's

1203
00:52:58,560 --> 00:53:00,880
Speaker 3: very unlikely that you are not going to have the

1204
00:53:00,920 --> 00:53:03,800
Speaker 3: same feelings that you're describing. It won't be the exact

1205
00:53:03,840 --> 00:53:06,080
Speaker 3: same because no two dogs are the same, you know,

1206
00:53:06,440 --> 00:53:08,440
Speaker 3: but your love is the same.

1207
00:53:08,760 --> 00:53:09,000
Speaker 5: You know.

1208
00:53:09,080 --> 00:53:12,320
Speaker 3: The love that you extend to a pet is not measurable.

1209
00:53:12,360 --> 00:53:14,399
Speaker 3: It's not like you love one dog more than the next.

1210
00:53:14,440 --> 00:53:16,719
Speaker 3: I've had about six dogs now in my life, and

1211
00:53:16,760 --> 00:53:19,800
Speaker 3: I whoever my favorite is always the one that's alive,

1212
00:53:20,480 --> 00:53:23,920
Speaker 3: you know. So, like it's a less emotional way of

1213
00:53:23,960 --> 00:53:26,359
Speaker 3: looking at it. But I promise you, like, when you

1214
00:53:26,400 --> 00:53:28,400
Speaker 3: have that kind of love to expend, you need to

1215
00:53:28,440 --> 00:53:29,000
Speaker 3: expend it.

1216
00:53:29,800 --> 00:53:31,160
Speaker 2: Okay, that's really good to hear.

1217
00:53:31,280 --> 00:53:34,960
Speaker 3: Yeah, and also grieve grief all you want, like what

1218
00:53:35,280 --> 00:53:38,759
Speaker 3: Rachel said, absolutely, but also think about how you can

1219
00:53:38,800 --> 00:53:40,640
Speaker 3: impact another dog's life with all that love.

1220
00:53:41,280 --> 00:53:46,279
Speaker 2: That's true. Thank you, yeah, yeah, good luck, Well, thank

1221
00:53:46,320 --> 00:53:47,000
Speaker 2: you for having me on.

1222
00:53:47,440 --> 00:53:49,760
Speaker 4: Yeah, send us a picture when you find your new buddy.

1223
00:53:49,880 --> 00:53:51,960
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, if you find your new lover, send us

1224
00:53:52,000 --> 00:53:54,840
Speaker 3: a picture please sure, well, thank you, okay, thanks for

1225
00:53:54,920 --> 00:53:58,879
Speaker 3: calling Dan, Thank you, nye. It it is sad when

1226
00:53:58,880 --> 00:54:01,239
Speaker 3: people are debilitated by their pets loss, which is what's

1227
00:54:01,239 --> 00:54:02,520
Speaker 3: going to happen to you.

1228
00:54:02,960 --> 00:54:03,480
Speaker 1: I see it.

1229
00:54:03,440 --> 00:54:05,279
Speaker 2: Coming down the pike, and I mean I joke and

1230
00:54:05,360 --> 00:54:09,040
Speaker 2: special about like I mean, pet laws, those websites for

1231
00:54:09,120 --> 00:54:13,319
Speaker 2: pet loss are the most embarrassingly earnest things, like the

1232
00:54:13,520 --> 00:54:16,400
Speaker 2: art around pet loss, all of it is so embarrassingly earnest.

1233
00:54:16,480 --> 00:54:20,800
Speaker 2: And also it makes me very emotional, and I think, like, yeah,

1234
00:54:20,840 --> 00:54:25,279
Speaker 2: like they're people, so it's it's okay to grieve them. Absolutely,

1235
00:54:25,320 --> 00:54:25,760
Speaker 2: it's okay.

1236
00:54:26,440 --> 00:54:29,520
Speaker 4: So powerful with dogs especially I think with cats of

1237
00:54:29,560 --> 00:54:30,279
Speaker 4: herecap or something.

1238
00:54:30,400 --> 00:54:32,279
Speaker 2: And we have a kid and we still I mean,

1239
00:54:32,760 --> 00:54:34,960
Speaker 2: it hasn't diminished our love for our Yeah.

1240
00:54:34,960 --> 00:54:36,520
Speaker 3: I know some people have kids and then they're like,

1241
00:54:36,719 --> 00:54:38,600
Speaker 3: we gave our dog bag, we gave our dog away.

1242
00:54:38,680 --> 00:54:39,600
Speaker 1: I don't, I can't.

1243
00:54:39,600 --> 00:54:42,319
Speaker 2: I don't. Also, my dog and my daughter are like

1244
00:54:42,560 --> 00:54:45,080
Speaker 2: best friends. Well, and I think the dog tolerates her,

1245
00:54:45,120 --> 00:54:49,120
Speaker 2: but my daughter calls Wiley her sister. Oh that's she

1246
00:54:49,160 --> 00:54:51,000
Speaker 2: literally says, like other people at school be like I

1247
00:54:51,000 --> 00:54:52,719
Speaker 2: have a brother, officer should be like I have a

1248
00:54:52,800 --> 00:54:57,160
Speaker 2: sister and she is a dog, and that's what we teacher.

1249
00:54:57,520 --> 00:54:58,120
Speaker 1: I love that.

1250
00:54:58,480 --> 00:55:00,520
Speaker 3: Thank you Rachel Bloom for being here. Make sure you

1251
00:55:00,560 --> 00:55:03,560
Speaker 3: guys catch your special on Netflix. It's called Death. Let

1252
00:55:03,560 --> 00:55:06,640
Speaker 3: Me do my special. It's on Netflix. Make sure you

1253
00:55:06,680 --> 00:55:09,680
Speaker 3: watch it and look out for Rachel Bloom everywhere.

1254
00:55:09,760 --> 00:55:10,880
Speaker 1: She's just around the corner.

1255
00:55:13,080 --> 00:55:14,840
Speaker 2: It'll only take me fifty minutes.

1256
00:55:16,360 --> 00:55:18,319
Speaker 1: Thank you for being here, Thank you for having me.

1257
00:55:18,480 --> 00:55:22,960
Speaker 1: Yes always. We'll see you guys next week. Bye. Do

1258
00:55:22,960 --> 00:55:24,280
Speaker 1: do Do Do Do do.

1259
00:55:25,040 --> 00:55:30,640
Speaker 3: Drum roll Catherine please, Chelsea Handler Abroad. Abroad is my

1260
00:55:30,719 --> 00:55:34,560
Speaker 3: European tour, which I just announced. Tickets go on sale

1261
00:55:34,640 --> 00:55:38,920
Speaker 3: tomorrow or today or there's a pre sale code Chelsea.

1262
00:55:39,080 --> 00:55:42,520
Speaker 3: So I'm coming to obviously find.

1263
00:55:42,280 --> 00:55:43,120
Speaker 1: A husband of Rod.

1264
00:55:43,520 --> 00:55:46,600
Speaker 3: I need to get the health out of this fucking country.

1265
00:55:47,239 --> 00:55:50,040
Speaker 3: And it's not as easy as you think. So I'm

1266
00:55:50,040 --> 00:55:53,719
Speaker 3: coming to Rekuvik, I'm coming to Dublin. I'm coming to

1267
00:55:54,160 --> 00:55:58,719
Speaker 3: the UK. I'm coming to Brussels, Paris, Belfast in May

1268
00:55:58,760 --> 00:56:04,640
Speaker 3: and June, I'm coming to Oslo, Stockholm, the Copenhagen, Manchester, London, Glasgow,

1269
00:56:05,200 --> 00:56:09,960
Speaker 3: New Zurich, Vienna. I've never ever been to Vienna, Berlin,

1270
00:56:10,200 --> 00:56:11,680
Speaker 3: Barcelona and Lisbon.

1271
00:56:12,560 --> 00:56:16,279
Speaker 1: I'm coming abroad. Is abroad that sounds like fun.

1272
00:56:16,320 --> 00:56:17,440
Speaker 4: I'm gonna go see you abroad.

1273
00:56:17,800 --> 00:56:19,720
Speaker 3: I rid out. I want to go see me abroad

1274
00:56:19,880 --> 00:56:24,520
Speaker 3: and there all be there, All be fun, okay. All

1275
00:56:24,640 --> 00:56:28,400
Speaker 3: Upcoming Vegas dates March twenty first, April eighteenth, July fifth,

1276
00:56:28,440 --> 00:56:32,720
Speaker 3: August thirtieth, November one and twenty ninth at the Cosmopolitan

1277
00:56:32,840 --> 00:56:34,000
Speaker 3: of Las Vegas.

1278
00:56:34,440 --> 00:56:36,840
Speaker 4: If you'd like advice from Chelsea, shoot us an email

1279
00:56:36,840 --> 00:56:39,680
Speaker 4: at Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com and be

1280
00:56:39,719 --> 00:56:42,760
Speaker 4: sure to include your phone number. Dear Chelsea is edited

1281
00:56:42,800 --> 00:56:46,440
Speaker 4: and engineered by Brad Dickert executive producer Catherine law and

1282
00:56:46,520 --> 00:56:48,919
Speaker 4: be sure to check out our merch at Chelseahandler dot

1283
00:56:48,960 --> 00:56:51,880
Speaker 4: com