Speaker 1: If you thought four hours a day, minutes a week
Speaker 1: was enough, I think again. He's the last remnants of
Speaker 1: the old republic a sole fashion of fairness. He treats
Speaker 1: crackheads in the ghetto gutter the same as the rich
Speaker 1: pill poppers in the penthouse. The clearing House of Hot
Speaker 1: takes break free for something special. The Fifth Hour with
Speaker 1: Ben Maller starts right now. Yes that it does. As
Speaker 1: we are in the air everywhere the vast power of
Speaker 1: the I Heart Global Podcasting Department. Here you can hear
Speaker 1: this podcast literally anywhere in the globe, and we are
Speaker 1: providing you marginal entertainment over your long, boring weekend because
Speaker 1: you have to practice social distancing and we will restore
Speaker 1: your life to order unless we don't. But I am
Speaker 1: joined as always by the deadweight that is David gask On,
Speaker 1: who is in the house in the as this is uh.
Speaker 1: You know, it was nice to be properly introduced using
Speaker 1: my correct name, and uh happy happy uh Coronavirus week
Speaker 1: to you, Ben Mallard. It's uh. It's odd that you,
Speaker 1: being a trained introvert, has now become a part of
Speaker 1: everyone's daily life. Yes, welcome to my world. The standing
Speaker 1: pat not going out and just put your feedback, relaxing
Speaker 1: and all that. First of all, for years I have
Speaker 1: been practicing social distancing. Now, I would also like to
Speaker 1: thank the women that I attempted to date when I
Speaker 1: was younger, who did also know that they also believed
Speaker 1: in social distancing. Uh, they did not want to get
Speaker 1: around me. So I learned the art of social distancing. Now.
Speaker 1: I gotta tell you, though, this is more nuanced because
Speaker 1: part B of this. When I was doing my social distancing,
Speaker 1: I was a radio reporter for the Mighty six ninety
Speaker 1: in San Diego, and I would just go to games
Speaker 1: every night, and that was my life. I would watch
Speaker 1: sports and that was how I would pass the time.
Speaker 1: So I've had to adjust because I don't have the
Speaker 1: sports to watch. None of us do right now. The
Speaker 1: industrial complex of sports to shut down. But I was
Speaker 1: ahead of my time. And I'm gonna write my book
Speaker 1: and I hope everyone buys it, Social Distancing for Dummies.
Speaker 1: It's gonna be coming out an internet book. I'm looking
Speaker 1: forward to that. Gusk On and you can write a
Speaker 1: review if you want. I can be out. No, I
Speaker 1: could do the the v O for the book. I
Speaker 1: mean Obviously you wouldn't want to use your own voice
Speaker 1: for that. That's a little narcisstic. But I don't think
Speaker 1: it would actually sell as much as people want to
Speaker 1: hear me the voice over. You know, I just did
Speaker 1: a commercial for HBO hold Box office. By the way,
Speaker 1: do you know that? No? I did not know. It's
Speaker 1: gonna start airing next week. It is an HBO commercial.
Speaker 1: There's a new documentary coming out about the College of
Speaker 1: Basketball scandal, the ADID issue scandal, and I, of all
Speaker 1: the people, was picked to do a voice over a
Speaker 1: v O for the HBO commercial we're gonna air this week.
Speaker 1: Was that through Fox or I Heart Radio or what well?
Speaker 1: I cannot reveal. That is personal information that I'm not
Speaker 1: willing to share on the Magic podcast box. But that
Speaker 1: will start airing and you can hear my voice, not
Speaker 1: guestcon not Arnie Span, your nobody else. Me reading that
Speaker 1: voiceop a little annoying, concerned the fact that most of
Speaker 1: the pipes in here aren't as good as yours. Truly,
Speaker 1: so um, I feel like the paths along that contact
Speaker 1: and I appreciated. You are the narcissist. You are the
Speaker 1: famous narcissist over there. So I We're gonna do something
Speaker 1: a little different here on this dumb dope show. Uh,
Speaker 1: tomb and dope. I think weird's dumb and dopey. I
Speaker 1: try to bring the show. I'm a classy person. Guest. Wow,
Speaker 1: I attempt to do a professional show. You try. I
Speaker 1: think the best part, though, is that, for all intentsive purposes,
Speaker 1: you have not acknowledged the fact that we're we're pioneers, Ben.
Speaker 1: I mean, you haven't talked about sports and certainly two
Speaker 1: thousand and I've been a part of intermittent fasting for
Speaker 1: the last two years, and I think both of those
Speaker 1: combined have brought us to where we're at right now.
Speaker 1: We've been doing this since September of nineteen. I think
Speaker 1: we're well trained to to withstand what is happening to
Speaker 1: our society right now. Yes, yeah, I'm not worried. I
Speaker 1: people get upset. That's the great thing about this, that
Speaker 1: people are upset with me that I'm not more concerned
Speaker 1: about the decaying of society and the disease and all
Speaker 1: the you know, the microbes of the coronavirus and all that.
Speaker 1: Like I'm getting shamed. But as far as the intermittent fasting.
Speaker 1: I how many fast have you had? Gasco Do you
Speaker 1: have a number of fast the total fast you have completed? Long?
Speaker 1: I have that kind of data, alright, I just completed
Speaker 1: a milestone. How many you go first? How many total
Speaker 1: fast have you taken? Part and go ahead? Oh? Total
Speaker 1: fast or not? Or not? Time? Since you started using
Speaker 1: an app which keeps track of all this stuff? Why
Speaker 1: is fasting bureau? That's a good question. I do not know.
Speaker 1: My longest fast has been twenty six hours. God, you
Speaker 1: are such a lightweight. You are such you know my
Speaker 1: my longest fasts, I think no ninety hours. Okay, that
Speaker 1: doesn't account when you're getting your gall bladder removed. Actually,
Speaker 1: the longest non gall bladder related fast was when I
Speaker 1: was in Boston. They flew into due shows for w
Speaker 1: E I, and that was when we did the mallar
Speaker 1: Man March in April of nineteen, one of the final
Speaker 1: Mallard meet and greets pre coronavirus. And so I'm I'm
Speaker 1: held up in the hotel I'm doing I think it
Speaker 1: was eight hours of radio a day, because I had
Speaker 1: a talk show in the evening time after Red Sox
Speaker 1: baseball they were playing day games. That week, opening week
Speaker 1: of the baseball season. They were in Oakland, UM either
Speaker 1: was either after or before. I either on before or
Speaker 1: after the games, and I did about four hours, and
Speaker 1: then I did the overnight show, so I was doing
Speaker 1: eight hours of radio, and I was pretty much just
Speaker 1: going back to the hotel. And since I knew I
Speaker 1: was three thousand miles away from my wife, I just
Speaker 1: chose not to eat because I didn't have any time
Speaker 1: to eat, because I needed to sleep and rest up
Speaker 1: and all that stuff. So I went. I believe it
Speaker 1: was seventy two plus maybe seventy three hours without eating
Speaker 1: because no one could force me to eat. And then
Speaker 1: I ordered a pizza, a large pizza from a pizza
Speaker 1: shop in Boston, obviously, and I ate the whole fucking
Speaker 1: thing and I loved every morsel of That was the
Speaker 1: greatest taste of pizza. It was a mom and shot
Speaker 1: pizza place in Boston, probably a terribly rated one on Yelp.
Speaker 1: I didn't give a fuck. I got that pizza and
Speaker 1: I oh, I indulged. It's awesome. Did you did you
Speaker 1: even have the courtesy of using a plate or a
Speaker 1: napkin or you just eat it right out of the box. No,
Speaker 1: I was in a hotel room. I ate it right
Speaker 1: out of the box on the bed. Out of the box.
Speaker 1: That's good. It's great. That's good. Sitting back laying down
Speaker 1: watching it was it's probably I don't know, midnight or
Speaker 1: whatever at a couple of hours before I had to
Speaker 1: get back and do the other show and I'm watching
Speaker 1: some West Coast baseball at midnight. It was wonderful. That's good. Now,
Speaker 1: so I've had guests on three hundred. I just reached
Speaker 1: my three hundred seventy five fast since I started fasting
Speaker 1: so over a year. Now, they're not consistent. I'm my
Speaker 1: goal now, and this, this freaking coronavirus is messing with
Speaker 1: my My plans, the best laid plans of mice and men.
Speaker 1: But the plan is to hit three sixty five in
Speaker 1: a row. So I want to do a full year
Speaker 1: my longest streak. I'm currently on my longest fasting streak,
Speaker 1: which is at forty seven consecutive days fasting. Cal Ripken Jr.
Speaker 1: You are right. So I want to hit three sixty
Speaker 1: five and see them when I hit three sixty five
Speaker 1: and want to keep going. I want to make this
Speaker 1: the new normal. Al right, So can you tell my
Speaker 1: wife to you, because sometimes on the weekend she's who
Speaker 1: gres about the fucking fasting just eight, I'm gonna feed you,
Speaker 1: And I'm like, no, don't feed me, gotta run away
Speaker 1: from which is fascinating because she's she's full life, but
Speaker 1: she's also optimistic and you are the other way around
Speaker 1: with this. You're just like, this is norm for me.
Speaker 1: I'm not worried about it. I'm not full life, a matrovert,
Speaker 1: keep away from everybody. I want to work from home.
Speaker 1: Blah blah blah blah blah. No, no, no, she wants
Speaker 1: me to work from from home. I like going into
Speaker 1: the radio station. I got into radio because I like
Speaker 1: going to the radio station. Uh. You know, I shouldn't
Speaker 1: tell people this, but the way the radio business is
Speaker 1: going right now, like every other business, you can do
Speaker 1: these shows from your house, and a lot of our colleagues,
Speaker 1: many of the people who at Fox Sports Radio, are
Speaker 1: starting to shift to doing the show from their home
Speaker 1: and call that the Rush Limb Boss Steve Harvey model
Speaker 1: of radio. And now we have public service announcements that
Speaker 1: if we have anything that's prerecorded are taped, we have
Speaker 1: to notify the audience like, Hey, there's a segment on
Speaker 1: this show that is prerecorded, so full disclaimer if something
Speaker 1: happens where someone's in or they're out and they have
Speaker 1: to record something due to this or something else than
Speaker 1: than boom, full disclaimer. So when you went shopping though,
Speaker 1: for what's happening right now, did you did you immediately
Speaker 1: go to the frozen meat section or get some some
Speaker 1: snacks or did you try to pack as light as
Speaker 1: possible to keep you tame during the fasting period. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I haven't changed anything. Um, I've gone to the store
Speaker 1: to buy things that I need or we need in
Speaker 1: the house here, and I pretty much run to the
Speaker 1: frozen meat section in the toilet paper section because I've
Speaker 1: this is this is crazy and it's so food gaze
Speaker 1: what's going on. It's ridiculous. And I I've taken a
Speaker 1: bunch of photos and every store I go to because
Speaker 1: I can't believe how ridiculous the situation is. And and
Speaker 1: then I've had to be a grief counselor because of
Speaker 1: my buddy in Dallas. Guys around my age and you know,
Speaker 1: single guy, lifetime bachelor, his whole life is going to
Speaker 1: bars around Dallas, A big socialite and and if they've
Speaker 1: shut down a lot of that in Dallas, as they
Speaker 1: have in pretty much every major city in the US,
Speaker 1: you can't go out socialize whatever. And he is so
Speaker 1: fucking pissed. This guy called me up. He thinks like
Speaker 1: his life is ending because he can't go have a
Speaker 1: beer and and drink and do karaoke at a at
Speaker 1: a bar. I'm like, what he gives a fund? Just
Speaker 1: stay home, dummy. You know It's like and he got
Speaker 1: he was upset at me again for being upset at
Speaker 1: him for being upset about not being able to go
Speaker 1: out to a bar. Ulous you want you want to
Speaker 1: kick him all he's down now you can refer him
Speaker 1: to his four oh one k and see how well
Speaker 1: he's the guy that was like, Hey, I'm gonna come out.
Speaker 1: He told me like a week ago, Hey I'm gonna
Speaker 1: come to l A. And you see how cheap the
Speaker 1: airfares off from Dallas to l A. Totally tone deaf,
Speaker 1: you know, it's like, I don't think this is a
Speaker 1: good time to travel unless you have to travel the idiot.
Speaker 1: So we will have a in general my Corona update,
Speaker 1: a Microna update. We also have the Florida Man will
Speaker 1: make its debut for the first time. Grab Bag A
Speaker 1: lot of great questions study this tough week for studying this.
Speaker 1: Pretty much every study is about the coronavirus, so the
Speaker 1: science community has fully focused on that, which is both
Speaker 1: a blessing and a curse. It is a blessing because
Speaker 1: people want to know information about the coronavirus. But for
Speaker 1: somebody like me, it is a curse because I love
Speaker 1: reading these dopey studies and I had to really dig
Speaker 1: deep this week feel my pain, my agony, I had
Speaker 1: to feel I had to go deep to find stuff
Speaker 1: to talk about. What begin with my corona? Now, I
Speaker 1: want to start this off. Gist gun was something that
Speaker 1: my wife occasionally will annoy me with when we sit
Speaker 1: down to dinner and uh, which is like two days
Speaker 1: a week because I don't need a couple days a week,
Speaker 1: but she will say, name something you're grateful for, you know,
Speaker 1: one of those deals because she's a hippie, you know,
Speaker 1: And it always annoys me because I'm not really grateful
Speaker 1: for anything. So it always bothers me that I have
Speaker 1: to scramble and usually what you do is you come up, Wow,
Speaker 1: I'm grateful for my health, I'm grateful for you know
Speaker 1: you or something like that. Right, So it's the standard
Speaker 1: boiler plate answer. But what are you grateful for in
Speaker 1: relation to what's going on in the world with the
Speaker 1: coronavirus and the was the what are they calling it,
Speaker 1: the the Wuhan flu? Is that what they're calling it?
Speaker 1: Guscon flu? The China flu or the China virus uh
Speaker 1: COVID nineteen, COVID nineteen is another one. So here's here
Speaker 1: are three things Gascon that I am grateful for from
Speaker 1: the and I'll let you go after me. Okay, this
Speaker 1: is a list. Yeah, because it's Eddie. Let me. I'll
Speaker 1: call you Eddie. Guess how about my knee jerk reactions
Speaker 1: to Eddie out. I haven't talked to Eddie and about today.
Speaker 1: But but anyway, listen, alright, so gascunt listen. All right,
Speaker 1: here's the thing. I got. Three things I got and
Speaker 1: lists are allowed because we have a pandemic. The Malarule
Speaker 1: book on radio. When you have a pandemic, you can
Speaker 1: do list radio. You were the godfather Mount Rushmore radio.
Speaker 1: And so I get to go into that bag of tricks.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna try to hold off as long as I can,
Speaker 1: because this is a goal. We're in this for the
Speaker 1: long haul. We are in the nuclear winter of sports.
Speaker 1: Not in the world, but of sports. But anyway. Three
Speaker 1: things I'm grateful for. A. I have never been more
Speaker 1: proud to work in radio. People love the ship on
Speaker 1: the radio business, but I love the fact that the
Speaker 1: show must go on. And I worked in sports radio
Speaker 1: my pretty much my entire adult life. And I love
Speaker 1: the fact that we are bunkering down and we're not
Speaker 1: running away from the shows and our responsibilities here. And
Speaker 1: because it's great, we have an opportunity to present some
Speaker 1: normal normalism. Is that's the word. I don't even know,
Speaker 1: it's the word normalcy. There you go, that's the word normalcy. Um,
Speaker 1: and for people that are practicing social distancing. And I
Speaker 1: feel somewhat guilty though, because I feel like the numbers
Speaker 1: have spiked over the last week, that we've had more
Speaker 1: people listening to this show overnight, because there's a lot
Speaker 1: of people a that are not working right now, be
Speaker 1: there's a lot of insomnia because of anxiety, and these
Speaker 1: things combined together have created a larger audience. So I'm,
Speaker 1: in a perverse way the beneficiary of people not being
Speaker 1: able to live their normal lives and and be I'm
Speaker 1: also grateful for song parodies mocking the coronavirus. Who we
Speaker 1: had a couple of great ones this week that we're
Speaker 1: sent in. One by a listener, Ryan Parker from Kentucky
Speaker 1: who sent in the my Corona song I Love the
Speaker 1: the NBA one that we played. The other day, Coop
Speaker 1: found a rap song that was played which was pretty good.
Speaker 1: It was like it was this rapper doing you know,
Speaker 1: dropping bars, but all the opposite, you know, like stay away, bitch,
Speaker 1: you know that kind of thing, which was great. It
Speaker 1: was really funny because just mocking the whole not only coronavirus,
Speaker 1: but the whole rap community, hip hop community and all
Speaker 1: that as well. And then the last thing I'm grateful
Speaker 1: for is that my hypothesis has been proven correct that
Speaker 1: human beings the vast majority I'm not saying you listening,
Speaker 1: but the vast majority of our brothers and sisters are
Speaker 1: reactionary morons. And and we have seen this right. People
Speaker 1: have gone into primal survival mode. And I have been
Speaker 1: convinced based on the reaction of my neighbors, the people
Speaker 1: I live around, and the people you live around that.
Speaker 1: This is why we can never be told there's martians
Speaker 1: and aliens. Can you imagine if the governments of the
Speaker 1: world said, you know, we have been contacted by alien
Speaker 1: life and they would like to be our friends. If
Speaker 1: that was even a possibility, Did you imagine what kind
Speaker 1: of bullshit would happen in the world if people are
Speaker 1: reacting this way to a virus. Well, let's be honest,
Speaker 1: it's serious, but for most people who are in health
Speaker 1: and good health is not going to be that big
Speaker 1: deal at all. And this is the reaction we're getting.
Speaker 1: Holy fuck. I mean, I could turn an Independence Day
Speaker 1: with Will Smith and see how people react. They go
Speaker 1: either one way or the other. So it's it is.
Speaker 1: It is wild. But see I could I mean, I
Speaker 1: can imagine what people are like in New York and Florida.
Speaker 1: But did you watch any of the videos that have
Speaker 1: been posted over the last week week and a half
Speaker 1: about getting those advised aias about staying home or at
Speaker 1: least staying away from people in close proximity. And you
Speaker 1: get all those people in Florida down the beach, just
Speaker 1: on the coastline, living it up, relaxing because of spring break,
Speaker 1: to live life Man, that's what they say. Unbelievable. So
Speaker 1: those are your three? Yeah, what are you grateful for? Well,
Speaker 1: I gotta I gotta preface this first by saying that
Speaker 1: where we're at, or where we're gonna be, is eerily
Speaker 1: similar in some ways to how you reminded me about
Speaker 1: my time in Bakersfield. Now, you told me to go
Speaker 1: for the experience. You said, it doesn't matter what you do,
Speaker 1: write everything down, enjoy it. Blah blah blah blah blah.
Speaker 1: And I had two instances. One at Bakersfield's ballpark where
Speaker 1: a guy climbed the right field foul pole line and
Speaker 1: popped off six rounds into the air before cops came.
Speaker 1: And yet a gun off at a baseball stadium during
Speaker 1: the game. Yes, yes, in the right field corner. How
Speaker 1: did that not become a National store? I don't know, man,
Speaker 1: it's Bakersfield. The other one one was when I went
Speaker 1: to Modesto on my first road trip with Bakersfield and
Speaker 1: Modesto playing. The game went to eighteen innings plus and
Speaker 1: I think it was like over five hours. I ran
Speaker 1: out of gas so long into this ball game that
Speaker 1: I had to revert to some of the ship on
Speaker 1: your show and talk about your show dynamics it was.
Speaker 1: It was awful, So that's as it sound awful to me,
Speaker 1: that sounds wonderful. It was pretty bad. So with that
Speaker 1: being said, labbermouth has to blabbermouth man, come on, that's true.
Speaker 1: So I think the first thing, and I don't know
Speaker 1: if you agree with me on this, but I think
Speaker 1: since we're not at the highest of highs in the
Speaker 1: food chain, I think the first thing I'm grateful for
Speaker 1: is the way that there's a correction what the airlines
Speaker 1: um outside of Southwest Airlines, which does not charge for
Speaker 1: bags and does not charge for cancelations or rescheduling unless
Speaker 1: you buy a more expensive ticket. Other airlines, whether it's Virgin, Delta, American, United,
Speaker 1: Jet Blue, whoever it may be. Unfortunately for all them,
Speaker 1: if you want to bring on a bag, it's at
Speaker 1: least seventy five dollars. If you want to change your flight,
Speaker 1: it's at least seventy five dollars, and then they nickel
Speaker 1: and dime you every which way they could possibly can.
Speaker 1: And that's just for a basic economy seat, not economy plus,
Speaker 1: not business, not first class, whatever it may be. And
Speaker 1: now they're starving for business. And they are also waving
Speaker 1: cancelation fees, they're waving baggage fees like they're doing all
Speaker 1: these things. That's on top of them actually cleaning and
Speaker 1: being extra cautious with the cabins. So when you think
Speaker 1: about all this, Ben, that's the first thing I'm grateful
Speaker 1: for is the airlines actually looking, hey, we need the business.
Speaker 1: Let's do something extra to entice the business to come in.
Speaker 1: So you like the fact that the airline industry has
Speaker 1: taken a haymaker right between the eyes. They have taken
Speaker 1: a full head shot from what's going on. I don't
Speaker 1: disagree and listen, they took advantage. The airline industry took
Speaker 1: advantage is kind of like you know, the um the
Speaker 1: medical industry took advantage of insurance. And you know that
Speaker 1: that's part of the problem nobody likes to talk about,
Speaker 1: is that one of the reasons, you know, the insurance
Speaker 1: issue in America is what it is is because hospitals
Speaker 1: realized we can charge the insurance company seventy five dollars
Speaker 1: for an aspirin because they gotta pay for it, and
Speaker 1: so that raised the cost of insurance on everybody. When
Speaker 1: an aspirin doesn't cost seventy five dollars. Well, the airline
Speaker 1: industry realized that most people that travel are traveling for business,
Speaker 1: So let's stick it to the big corporations and they'll
Speaker 1: pay because it's it has been. I I don't know
Speaker 1: if it still is. It was for years. You know,
Speaker 1: a tax right off travel expenses the cost of doing business.
Speaker 1: So like, fuck it, We'll just the airlines are like,
Speaker 1: I don't care about mom and pop going to see
Speaker 1: their kids or the kids going to see mom and pop.
Speaker 1: Fuck them. Seventy five dollars for your bag. And you
Speaker 1: want a meal if you wanna lukewarm meal that tastes
Speaker 1: like dog food, that will cost you five bucks. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And that leads me to something else? Is that, and
Speaker 1: this is more on an American type of thing without outsourcing.
Speaker 1: Is that The other thing I'm grateful for is the
Speaker 1: way that we have come around as a nation to
Speaker 1: not only identify the cause, but also to identify the
Speaker 1: way to treat this, at least for the time being,
Speaker 1: without a vaccine. Is that how dependent we have become
Speaker 1: on China and some other companies for manufacturing purposes for
Speaker 1: pharmaceutical You just brought it up. I believe it was
Speaker 1: I was reading this. At least eighty percent of the
Speaker 1: ingredients that are made in our pharmaceuticals is coming from China,
Speaker 1: not from the United States, not from Canada, not from Mexico,
Speaker 1: but from China. So all the outsourcing that we get
Speaker 1: everything else that we need or want is coming from
Speaker 1: from China. Why the funk can it be done here
Speaker 1: in the United States. Like, I understand that people are
Speaker 1: so fixated in a capitalist society about margins, but man,
Speaker 1: there's something, there's something ideal and I think urgent about
Speaker 1: having things here and available in the United States. If
Speaker 1: we talk about oil now and the consumption we have
Speaker 1: reserves um car manufacturing as well too, whether it's in
Speaker 1: the United States or in Mexico or even in Canada,
Speaker 1: having it here, having it homegrown as opposed to outsourced.
Speaker 1: I think that's the biggest thing I'm grateful for, just
Speaker 1: in terms of the medical industry, is like, hey, we
Speaker 1: can't afford to be so reliant or dependent on another nation.
Speaker 1: We need to take care of our own ship by
Speaker 1: doing it the American way. Yeah. And the other thing
Speaker 1: about that too is that you know, the global economies
Speaker 1: and the shifter, and and and hopefully it will only
Speaker 1: be on the shifter for a year. It's gonna take
Speaker 1: years to get this thing back on track to where
Speaker 1: it was. So I'm not even looking at my four
Speaker 1: oh one. K I've determined for three years, I will
Speaker 1: look at this if God willing, we're all still here
Speaker 1: in three I will then open up my four oh one. Okay,
Speaker 1: I don't want to know. I don't want to. I'm
Speaker 1: just gonna not even look because I'm in for the
Speaker 1: long game. I'm not in for the short game. So
Speaker 1: I've decided I'm not I don't want to deal with it.
Speaker 1: Um now. I've also considered if we can dig up
Speaker 1: some extra money buying some stock, because I feel like
Speaker 1: and and the problem is when do you buy, you know,
Speaker 1: because it's still gonna go down. I know very little
Speaker 1: about the stock market. I'm a I'm a complete neophight
Speaker 1: with the stock market. I dabble in it occasionally. I
Speaker 1: like to think I know more than I do about
Speaker 1: the New York Stock Exchange. But the timing on this,
Speaker 1: like these big corporations are going to go back up.
Speaker 1: You know, the Disney stock is down. You go to
Speaker 1: you know, these Apple, all these big companies, they're they're
Speaker 1: gonna go back up. They're not, They're not gonna. This
Speaker 1: is not the room nation of these companies. Um, so
Speaker 1: when do you buy and then can you buy enough
Speaker 1: where you make enough money? On the other side, it's
Speaker 1: this This is weird. It's like threading a needle because
Speaker 1: you don't want to buy too soon because the stocks
Speaker 1: can go down further. But you don't want to wait
Speaker 1: too long either. So there's a fine cat and mouse
Speaker 1: game that you gotta play well being in the real
Speaker 1: estate industry for a long period of time. I think
Speaker 1: the one way you can compare it, Ben is that
Speaker 1: you don't you don't try to time it as perfectly
Speaker 1: as possible. You just buy it when you're comfortable. Because
Speaker 1: even if the real estate market comes down, interest rates
Speaker 1: typically will go up and vice versa. You know, the
Speaker 1: prices on homes will go up, interest rates will go down.
Speaker 1: So it's not all about necessarily timing it out perfectly,
Speaker 1: but it's about what you're comfortable with and then trying
Speaker 1: to stack on top of that. So if you buy
Speaker 1: something at a certain price on shares and then it
Speaker 1: drops down, there's nothing wrong with that. But I think
Speaker 1: the biggest thing that people should not do is to
Speaker 1: dump or to sell anything right now, because that's the
Speaker 1: worst time to do anything with the market because you're
Speaker 1: not getting any kind of value. Like you just said,
Speaker 1: you go in your four O one K right now,
Speaker 1: you're gonna see noth them but read no grains, nothing
Speaker 1: at all or anything like that. I would I would
Speaker 1: definitely purchase when you're comfortable. I mean, I've I've started
Speaker 1: to do that. Um. The third thing I'm grateful for
Speaker 1: and I know you can definitely back me on. This
Speaker 1: is the way that Vegas has taken a hit because
Speaker 1: you pay at least twenty five dollars for parking, which
Speaker 1: is bullshit. You pay at least fifteen and thirty five
Speaker 1: dollars for your quote unquote resort fee, which goes to Yeah,
Speaker 1: but it's like Internet, it's phones that you don't use
Speaker 1: in a hotel room typically. It's the gym, it's the pool,
Speaker 1: it's all these other accessories that are now pushed upon
Speaker 1: the guests that come into Vegas. In the late nineties
Speaker 1: early two thousand's, Vegas was so so observant on guests
Speaker 1: that they want to bring in. They didn't worry about
Speaker 1: monitoring your play by hours or by time. It was
Speaker 1: all about the chips you brought in, the stacks of
Speaker 1: money you brought in. They'd compy of food, they'd compy,
Speaker 1: drain that comp you entertainment for the night or for
Speaker 1: the weekend. And now everything is just so corporate. It's
Speaker 1: all about maxing out on what they can take from
Speaker 1: you as opposed to what you can bring in for them. Potentially, Uh,
Speaker 1: they've taken a shot, and I think they need to
Speaker 1: get a kneecap for a little while too. Oh, they're
Speaker 1: getting kneecaped. You got a lot of friends in Vegas,
Speaker 1: and it is brutal, man, you work in that service industry.
Speaker 1: And but the casinos did get carried away, and then
Speaker 1: the only people that experience Vegas the way Vegas was
Speaker 1: set up in the early days when the mob ran
Speaker 1: it are the whales. Like if you're a whale, if
Speaker 1: you're a big time gambler, they would fly you in,
Speaker 1: roll out the red carpet. You've got your special entrance, valet, parking,
Speaker 1: whatever you need, and it was all taken care of. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but I mean even still, like if you dropped a
Speaker 1: couple of grand on a weekend, you would still likely
Speaker 1: get at least a room camp for the night or
Speaker 1: camp for the weekend, or some entertainment for the night,
Speaker 1: or even dinner out for you and your wife or
Speaker 1: significant other. It's not like that anymore. You'll be lucky
Speaker 1: if you get some kind of credits on your account
Speaker 1: for a cup of copy the next time you came
Speaker 1: out to Vegas. That's and then I'll bet you that
Speaker 1: once this ends, and because people and this could go
Speaker 1: on for a year or maybe more, who the hell knows,
Speaker 1: I hopefully will be a lot less though somebody will,
Speaker 1: some science genius will win the Nobel Peace Prize or
Speaker 1: something for coming up with a vaccine, you know, in
Speaker 1: eight months instead of fourteen months or something like that.
Speaker 1: But um, the hotel business, they're gonna have to beg
Speaker 1: you to come back because people aren't gonna be running
Speaker 1: the hotel still. I have a feeling that a lot
Speaker 1: of people are still gonna be like, I don't know,
Speaker 1: I don't know about that. And then so they're gonna
Speaker 1: have to give you freebees to entice you, a little
Speaker 1: carrot on the stick to get you to go out.
Speaker 1: But as far as your Baker's field stories that you
Speaker 1: were talking about here a couple of minutes ago. This
Speaker 1: is my theory. I learned this when I was a kid.
Speaker 1: I read one of the great books as a child,
Speaker 1: and it was a Dr. Seuss book. Oh the places
Speaker 1: You'll go and the people you'll see and listen, that's
Speaker 1: what's going on right now for us. You know, life's
Speaker 1: all about the stories you pick up along the way,
Speaker 1: and we're all picking up stories. And I said this
Speaker 1: on the radio the other night. When I was a kid,
Speaker 1: I used to hear stories from World War Two veterans
Speaker 1: and that they called it the greatest generation, right grist generation.
Speaker 1: There used to be these long, heartfelt stories written and
Speaker 1: they did tremendous things, the World War Two generation, and
Speaker 1: many of them would mock you know, we were kids,
Speaker 1: and they would say, you know, you kids have it
Speaker 1: so easy. You're not going to experience anything that bad
Speaker 1: in your life, anything that's you know, gonna really mess
Speaker 1: you up, and all that. I'm like, well, you know,
Speaker 1: i'm a middle aged guy and I've I've experienced some
Speaker 1: stuff where I can start to brag a liver. You know,
Speaker 1: I lived through nine eleven and that experience the country
Speaker 1: shutting down there. Now we have a global pandemic that's
Speaker 1: shutting down regular life in America. So I got a
Speaker 1: couple of notches on my belt here. Yeah, So I
Speaker 1: feel pretty good about that. And I mainly because I
Speaker 1: can just yell and scream and shell bucket my day.
Speaker 1: I can be that. I wonder if your wife has
Speaker 1: any girlfriends that are engaged right now, I'm trying to
Speaker 1: prep for a for a wedding, because, um, I've had
Speaker 1: a few friends, we have colleagues that have weddings right
Speaker 1: around the corner that have now been canceled. But I say, hey,
Speaker 1: I mean, I took a page out of your book,
Speaker 1: but I'm like, hey, this is a way better story.
Speaker 1: Like I understand that you're gonna be upset or disappointed,
Speaker 1: but there's something unique about this that if we can
Speaker 1: all get through this with our heads on and our
Speaker 1: chins up. Is that you were supposed to have a
Speaker 1: wedding date for April the seventeen that's now canceled. You
Speaker 1: push it back six months or even a year. That's
Speaker 1: because of what happened. I mean when I went to Bakersfield,
Speaker 1: I went to Bakersfield because the guy that hired me,
Speaker 1: his wife was diagnosed with breast cancer. She recovered. I
Speaker 1: went there, I was by myself, had two days off
Speaker 1: a month. There was gunfire at one of the ball games.
Speaker 1: I lost my job. After six months. I came back
Speaker 1: to to Fox Sports Radio with my head down. But
Speaker 1: like tail between your legs, I remember that we all
Speaker 1: laugh at we pointed and mocked you when you walked
Speaker 1: into the building again. Yeah, but you know what that was.
Speaker 1: That was the trip I took and and it was wild.
Speaker 1: It was entertaining. But you know there's something about it,
Speaker 1: Like you said, you don't get anything by not getting out,
Speaker 1: and it has to be done, so um, embrace it. Man, Listen,
Speaker 1: it's it's a good story that we're only here for
Speaker 1: a short time. Either way, you know, I might as
Speaker 1: well have have fun with you to get some stories.
Speaker 1: And now, how are you bracing the fact that that
Speaker 1: we are not operational in the gym right now? Because
Speaker 1: all the time that's really fucked me up. Man. I
Speaker 1: am a creature of habit like most people, and I
Speaker 1: ever since I started doing the Overnight show, I have
Speaker 1: had the same routine. My whole day has planned out,
Speaker 1: you know, I spent a certain amount of time getting
Speaker 1: ready for the show, here, a certain a pound of
Speaker 1: time sleeping, certain amount of time at the gym, and
Speaker 1: it's it's messed me up, and I have to figure
Speaker 1: something out. I have not been to the gym in
Speaker 1: a couple of days because the gym's closed, and I
Speaker 1: haven't really worked out in a couple of days, and
Speaker 1: so I'm gonna have to find a park and just
Speaker 1: wander around aimlessly and just start walking, at least get
Speaker 1: some exercise walking. We used to have a treadmill at
Speaker 1: the Mallard mansion, but my wife hated the fucking thing
Speaker 1: and so because it made a lot of noise and
Speaker 1: it took up a lot of space, and so she
Speaker 1: got rid of it. And now I'm like, I wish
Speaker 1: I had that treadmill. Man, I could still work out
Speaker 1: at home and it would be great. Be sure to
Speaker 1: catch live editions of The Ben Maller Show weekdays at
Speaker 1: two am Eastern eleven p m. Pacific on Fox Sports
Speaker 1: Radio and the I Heart Radio app. Now since the
Speaker 1: since the L A. Rams cheerleader auditions have probably been
Speaker 1: called off. Um, should I make an alternative? Should I
Speaker 1: make a pivot? Were. If I can get a certain
Speaker 1: amount of Twitter followers or Instagram followers, I can create
Speaker 1: a workout video for you and the Mrs in lu
Speaker 1: al of not doing an audition for the l A
Speaker 1: Roums cheerleaders. No, what do you mean? No? Do you
Speaker 1: want to think about it more? Why would I want
Speaker 1: to see you work out because it will help you
Speaker 1: work out? And I don't want to see you when
Speaker 1: you're not working out. Why would I want to see
Speaker 1: you when you're working at because it'll give you ideas
Speaker 1: of what to do when you're at home and you're
Speaker 1: I'll be the camera guy. All right? How about this?
Speaker 1: We sign up for Driver's Head and I am in
Speaker 1: the backseat and you are taught how to properly park
Speaker 1: an automobile. How about that? Wouldn't that be great? It
Speaker 1: was driving one oh one with gascon. Can we use
Speaker 1: your car? No? Whatnot? No? We'll use the car from
Speaker 1: what we can't? We use yours? But yours says dense
Speaker 1: in it already? I you want more dense in your car?
Speaker 1: I have one dent from whoever fucking hit my car
Speaker 1: here in the Premier studio building. So really, somebody at
Speaker 1: your car? Yeah, it's probably because you parked in their space,
Speaker 1: like funk this guy. Maybe the baseball bat out. I'd
Speaker 1: like to think they didn't, but but maybe that's a
Speaker 1: possibility that that's a pretty good bit, though I need
Speaker 1: to go pro camera to do that. A couple of
Speaker 1: other stories related to the coronavirus that somewhat amusing. Might
Speaker 1: have seen these over the last couple of days. Maybe
Speaker 1: not businesses, there are certain businesses that are tremendously successful
Speaker 1: in the light of the pandemic in Florida. I was
Speaker 1: reading a story they said that crime scene clean up,
Speaker 1: that people are hiring crime scene clean up to to
Speaker 1: sanitize their places from the coronavirus. People selling essential oils
Speaker 1: doing very well. Travel insurance is big, all of these. Obviously,
Speaker 1: the grocery industry, the stores that sell produce and whatnot,
Speaker 1: they've surged in business, which is interesting. You know that
Speaker 1: one of one of the trickle down problems from the
Speaker 1: coronavirus is that traditionally this is the biggest month of
Speaker 1: the year for what operation guesscon March is the biggest
Speaker 1: month of the here for what alcohol. That's not an
Speaker 1: operation dummy, I said. A medical procedure a scheduled medical
Speaker 1: procedure that is not a life and death obviously, because
Speaker 1: you can't, you know you can't. How about breast augmentation, No,
Speaker 1: the mail equivalent of that. Well, actually it's not the
Speaker 1: mail equivalent, but it's the it's a male procedure. Uh,
Speaker 1: I mean, you are totally gobsmacked here, I am. I'm
Speaker 1: baffled by what way you would consider the male equivalent
Speaker 1: of Well, it's it's it's a male surgery. It's not
Speaker 1: the equivalent of boob enhancement, but it's it's something that
Speaker 1: men do at a certain age. Yes, the vasectomy. March
Speaker 1: is the biggest month of the year for vasectomies. Why
Speaker 1: because dudes plan it out for the first two days
Speaker 1: of the n c A A tournament because they have
Speaker 1: all the March madness to binge watch on that Thursday
Speaker 1: and Friday live sports programming, to bet on. You gotta
Speaker 1: sit there for a couple of days when you get
Speaker 1: your balls chopped off, and these guys all a lot
Speaker 1: of people have had surgery. And this is the week actually,
Speaker 1: because this was supposed to be the start of the
Speaker 1: tournament this week and nothing to watch. Sorry, sorry, you
Speaker 1: got enough I'm still baffled that you thought that that
Speaker 1: was the equivalent of a breast augmentation. So, oh stop,
Speaker 1: you were completely flummexed. You're embarrassed by how flummexed you were, which,
Speaker 1: all right, we'll play the This is always a fun game.
Speaker 1: Which one is more embarrassing? All right? Now? Story number one,
Speaker 1: Police and Oregon sent out a public notification telling people
Speaker 1: not to call nine one one because they ran out
Speaker 1: of toilet paper, that it is not a public emergency.
Speaker 1: All right, that's number one. Number two. According to reports
Speaker 1: from the Poison Control Center in Virginia, they have been
Speaker 1: warning their residence to not drink bleach in an attempt
Speaker 1: keep themselves from contracting the coronavirus. Right, which one is
Speaker 1: that you gotta go with the bleach? Right? Yeah? Bleaches?
Speaker 1: Bleaches bullshit? Yeah. I know there's some charlatans, some quacks
Speaker 1: quack quack quack medical quackery online talking about bleach. But
Speaker 1: you've got to really be uh, you have a i
Speaker 1: Q of a fruit fly to think that that's the
Speaker 1: way to go to chug some bleach is the way
Speaker 1: to go. I saw the Mayor of Baltimore had a
Speaker 1: special request for all the all the natives don't shoot
Speaker 1: people during this time because they need hospital beds for
Speaker 1: people infect with coronavirus. So when this calms down, the
Speaker 1: mayor will say, go ahead, resume normal activity. Bang bang
Speaker 1: like an astro, except with a gun. How about this?
Speaker 1: Do you see the sex industry? What's going on the
Speaker 1: sexuality of the coronavirus? This is right up your wheelhouse. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's pretty good. They said that there are now condom
Speaker 1: shortages is a result of this, and this is great.
Speaker 1: Sales of sex toys are going through the roof. That's right,
Speaker 1: sales of sex toys. Not that's not just for the ladies,
Speaker 1: so for the dudes also. Uh, they are increasing and
Speaker 1: said they've increased sales compared to the original forecast. And
Speaker 1: this is a global pandemic. So they're selling these things
Speaker 1: all over the world. Probably the Womanizer, which is what
Speaker 1: Gascon has at home. He uses that the brand, that's
Speaker 1: what it's called the Womanizer. And you wouldn't know that,
Speaker 1: I wouldn't the story. Uh, they can't keep these things
Speaker 1: on the shelf. For on the virtual shelf. The Womanizer
Speaker 1: recorded sixty higher sales in Italy, higher in France, seventy
Speaker 1: higher in Hong Kong, and they are still awaiting the
Speaker 1: information in the United States, so people are choosing condoms
Speaker 1: and sex toys to get through the lack of supposed
Speaker 1: physical contact that I have a feeling there's two things
Speaker 1: are gonna happen when we're done with all this, Guest
Speaker 1: gon There'll be a lot of people getting divorced because
Speaker 1: they have to spend time with their spouse and they
Speaker 1: hate their spouse. Fortunately I'm not in that camp. And
Speaker 1: then the other camp is will be a lot of
Speaker 1: babies that are born because people have a lot of
Speaker 1: time to stoop because there's not much else to do
Speaker 1: if you're married, and you figure, you know, what the
Speaker 1: hell would I have? I'm gonna get whatever this person
Speaker 1: has anyway, so why not. Yeah. I like the fact
Speaker 1: that in those countries the sales of sex toys has
Speaker 1: gone up. We're here in the United States. We got
Speaker 1: I don't know if you saw this, but earlier in
Speaker 1: the week, the New York Times took time The Times
Speaker 1: all the time. Gascon gets his news from CNN, The
Speaker 1: New York Times, the Washington Post. West of the four
Speaker 1: oh five, guest counts well on Twitter, The New York
Speaker 1: Times decided to give us, the American public, a reminder
Speaker 1: that we need to stay indoors. So they created a
Speaker 1: collage of videos of all these celebrities, actors, actresses, singers, um,
Speaker 1: television hosts plitting with us to stay indoors. Like that's
Speaker 1: exactly what I need right now with the coronavirus. I
Speaker 1: need to reminder from celebrities that can afford to stay
Speaker 1: home because they're swimming in money, Like, hey, I need
Speaker 1: you guys to stay home, Like, yes, no fucking ship,
Speaker 1: I need to stay home. But I need a celebrity
Speaker 1: telling me that. That's much like some Hollywood fuck in
Speaker 1: the hills that has a sixteen bedroom mansion with a
Speaker 1: basketball court, a resort style swimming pool and uh and
Speaker 1: all that, and we're fighting for toilet paper down here,
Speaker 1: you unwashed their fighting for toilet paper. Yeah, fuck you
Speaker 1: and your little videos. Okay, And I don't get it either,
Speaker 1: because when I went to the store, you mentioned produce.
Speaker 1: But the thing that popped up to me, Ben was
Speaker 1: that I went to a Sprouts, Trader Joe's and Albertson's,
Speaker 1: and I could still pick up like chia seeds. I
Speaker 1: can pick up oats and and whole grains. I can
Speaker 1: pick a protein powder like those things that you could
Speaker 1: supplement for some of the things that you're not necessarily getting.
Speaker 1: People weren't touching, like you know what was funny? I
Speaker 1: went to Smart and Final. Um where else did I go?
Speaker 1: I went to Walmart, the grocery store at Walmart, and
Speaker 1: I went to a Mexican market because the listener Malle Militia.
Speaker 1: Guys were like, hey, go to the Mexican market, man,
Speaker 1: They're cool, they're you know, why not? They got everything?
Speaker 1: So I went around and the one thing I should
Speaker 1: have taken a picture of it at Walmart completely picked over, right.
Speaker 1: It was like somebody had got in there and they've
Speaker 1: just taken everything. The one section that was almost untouched
Speaker 1: was the gluten free section that even in a time
Speaker 1: of crisis, people are like, I don't need the gluten
Speaker 1: free ship, I'll leave that. It was so funny because
Speaker 1: it was like all the gluten free products were there
Speaker 1: as they normally are, and everything else was picked over.
Speaker 1: It's hilarious that it's absolutely amazing. I said that because
Speaker 1: my wife is living the gluten free lifestyle. But I mean,
Speaker 1: you can't if you can't work out, you need to
Speaker 1: at least eat well or decently. We had the advantage
Speaker 1: if you want to try intermittent fasting to do that,
Speaker 1: but you need to have some semblance of a decent life.
Speaker 1: If you're not going out, you probably get some people
Speaker 1: that are still drinking at home and still smoking at home,
Speaker 1: which is dumbfounding to me. But I mean, teach his own.
Speaker 1: That's just some Florida man stories. He's actual stories, some
Speaker 1: actual people that live in the state of Florida. A
Speaker 1: drunk Florida man. Thank the good samaritan who gave him
Speaker 1: a place to stay when he couldn't get a home. Right,
Speaker 1: you know what the guy did. He kicked him out. No, no,
Speaker 1: he he urinated all over his bedroom and then attacked him.
Speaker 1: This is in Melbourne, Florida. Oh my gosh, that's great.
Speaker 1: I would like to thank a good samaritan. And here's
Speaker 1: some of my urine. Here's some of my urine. I
Speaker 1: hope you enjoy that. Would you ever consider bringing somebody
Speaker 1: into your home? Oh fuck, no, no no, And I'll
Speaker 1: tell you why. Um because like look at weed Man.
Speaker 1: Like weed Man, we got him. This guy used to
Speaker 1: listen to the show, and he's a homeless loser in Miami,
Speaker 1: and I liked him parts of it my life. I
Speaker 1: gotta kick out of weed Man. I thought it was
Speaker 1: a good character on the show for a while. Then
Speaker 1: he turned into a bad character on the show. We
Speaker 1: couldn't get rid of him. But there was a listener
Speaker 1: another malled militia guys like, you know what, I'm moving.
Speaker 1: I got a house here, weed Man can stay at
Speaker 1: my house. And weed Man was such a ship head
Speaker 1: to this guy and such a dope. And it was
Speaker 1: a huge mess, and and and and it was the
Speaker 1: guy was just trying to do him a solid. And
Speaker 1: I'm like, you know, I believe in that old Benjamin
Speaker 1: Franklin quote that the fishing house gets stink after three days.
Speaker 1: You got you want to get rid of him? So sorry,
Speaker 1: not gonna happen now. If I if I lose my
Speaker 1: job or something, I'll rent out every part of my
Speaker 1: house for somebody because I'll want to, you know, survive.
Speaker 1: But other than that, no, uh, A woman in Florida
Speaker 1: not that's not Florida, man, This is Florida. Woman. Woman
Speaker 1: in Florida was caught having sex outside a hospital. This
Speaker 1: is like a couple of days ago, she's facing indecent
Speaker 1: exposure charges. But the reason this becomes newsworthy she was
Speaker 1: having sex with a Florida man, so it does a
Speaker 1: Florida man story. Her mug shot. She was having sex outside,
Speaker 1: but she had her face mask on, and the story
Speaker 1: implies that she works at the hospital. She's I don't
Speaker 1: think she's a I think she's like in the cleaning
Speaker 1: crew at the hospital, but she works at the hospital.
Speaker 1: She had the face mask and she went outside to
Speaker 1: screw some guy, but at least she kept the face
Speaker 1: mask on. Well, I mean, she's practicing good hygiene. And
Speaker 1: that says enough for the guide to be still turned
Speaker 1: on by her because he doesn't need a kiss her
Speaker 1: to to be your house. So that's that's a good start.
Speaker 1: That's that's a good job by her. Here's the headline
Speaker 1: of the day from Florida Boy. It says, I'm not
Speaker 1: going to lie, it's cocaine. Florida man attempted to eat
Speaker 1: a debit card in front of police about that. Apparently
Speaker 1: it was some dead guys credit card and he was
Speaker 1: trying to eat hide the evidence. But he said it's cocaine,
Speaker 1: is what he said. Wow, well you can't assume, well,
Speaker 1: you can't assume gender anymore, and and now you can't
Speaker 1: assume product now right? What else we have? Florida made
Speaker 1: Florida man bailed out after impersonating a police officer. That
Speaker 1: would not be newsworthy in Florida. Happens all the time.
Speaker 1: But uh. A couple of hours later, he was arrested
Speaker 1: again using a fake badge to get out of paying
Speaker 1: for a toll. Oh man, that's Brandson movie former NBA
Speaker 1: player that I will not name right now? What else
Speaker 1: we have? A man in a hazmat suit spotted at
Speaker 1: a Florida Costco store. Guy work fun in has mats
Speaker 1: to Costco? Oh man, I okay, So I go to
Speaker 1: a I go to city bank. My my money's there
Speaker 1: and one of the one of the branches in San
Speaker 1: Pedro a couple of days ago, they had a single
Speaker 1: file line and you had to be six ft away
Speaker 1: from each other, but they only allowed two people in
Speaker 1: at a time. As soon as I got my money
Speaker 1: and I'm going to the parking lot, this woman rolls
Speaker 1: up in this all beat up Mercedes. It was like
Speaker 1: a like a late eighties Mercedes, but it was beat up.
Speaker 1: It was it was pink. She gets out of the
Speaker 1: car bet and I should you not? She looked like
Speaker 1: she just left a a an eer room. Uh, a
Speaker 1: little redundant. She left an e er facility. And she
Speaker 1: had her her shoes recovered. She wasn't a nurse, she
Speaker 1: wasn't a doctor. But she almost looked like a hazmat suit.
Speaker 1: And she was on the scene somewhere. So she had
Speaker 1: the mask on, she had something covering her her her hat,
Speaker 1: she had gloves on. She was she was debt to
Speaker 1: the nines. And I can tell you that much. I
Speaker 1: was like, this is not to nurse, this is not
Speaker 1: a doctor. That fits the bill exactly what you're talking
Speaker 1: about in Florida. And well, you love Florida. You have a
Speaker 1: a family in Florida, so you are you are living
Speaker 1: the Florida man, no taxes, they're constantly living. Is a
Speaker 1: little bit cheaper than California. So you move to Florida. Well,
Speaker 1: I like, how about that moved the Florida. I love
Speaker 1: l a man. No you don't. I do. It's just
Speaker 1: well last year you like the Hollywood bullshit? Yeah, I
Speaker 1: don't really like the Hollywood. You're an idiot. You are
Speaker 1: the one that invited me to this exclusive private party
Speaker 1: last week in Hollywood. Don't give him that crap like
Speaker 1: I had to mix it up, because I'll tell you why, dummy.
Speaker 1: That was the last public experience for the rest of
Speaker 1: the year. I gotta get out in party. No mallard
Speaker 1: u ugly sweater party this year because we'll all be
Speaker 1: in quarantine. So we're good. No Dodger games, no Dodger games,
Speaker 1: no Clippers NBA Finals, no Clippers parade, none of that.
Speaker 1: It's all over. Another year of choking. Clippers win the championship,
Speaker 1: they don't win. Lebron's a year older, so that's another
Speaker 1: That's that's the real positive from sports is that Lebron
Speaker 1: now is the last chance he had to win a championship.
Speaker 1: Is over as the lead dog, as the alpha dog.
Speaker 1: It's a shame in it. Uh, let's get to grab bag.
Speaker 1: These are actual questions by actual listeners. Let's try to
Speaker 1: go short on our answers, so we get to as
Speaker 1: many questions as we can. Jesse from Pomona in so
Speaker 1: Cal writes in and I says, I got another question
Speaker 1: for you. With Boston trading Mookie Betts to the Dodgers
Speaker 1: and Tom Brady walking away from the Patriots to Tampa
Speaker 1: Bay this week. Is Boston becoming the new Cleveland for
Speaker 1: mediocrity in sports. That's from Jesse. Al Right, see now, Jesse,
Speaker 1: I know you're pumping your chest out and all. Let
Speaker 1: me say something from my brothers and sisters in Boston.
Speaker 1: Boston will never get to that point that Cleveland's in. Ever,
Speaker 1: it's not gonna happen. Tell you why there is such
Speaker 1: a passion for sports in Boston that they are gonna figure.
Speaker 1: And they still have the Bruins, which are were a
Speaker 1: Stanley Cup contender, and the Celtics are a dark horse
Speaker 1: in the East. Milwaukee is not invincible. Sorry, the honest
Speaker 1: cidenta Coombo. So it's not like Boston sports are completely
Speaker 1: in the dark when it comes to having good teams.
Speaker 1: The Red Sox are running through a tough patch, and
Speaker 1: God only knows what the Patriots are gonna do. But no,
Speaker 1: I haven't. They're not headed to that. And the other
Speaker 1: and the other thing too is the market itself. Won't.
Speaker 1: They won't cater to just getting by like you get
Speaker 1: softer markets like Pittsburgh Baseball Cleveland Indians aren't really at
Speaker 1: the top of the pecking order. Cavaliers the same thing,
Speaker 1: like Boston sports fans and Boston media will be all
Speaker 1: over these head coaches or managers all over, the general managers,
Speaker 1: all over ownership. They're not going to tolerate being five
Speaker 1: D or just qualifying for the playoffs like they expect championships.
Speaker 1: And that has happened over the last twenty years. So
Speaker 1: that's a one thing. You get softer markets, you and
Speaker 1: get the media coverage that will be on top of
Speaker 1: the of the franchises as much as you get it
Speaker 1: like in Boston, and yeah, you gotta you gotta hang
Speaker 1: over it, and and you've gotta you've really gotta fight back.
Speaker 1: If you don't, they will just put mediocre ship teams
Speaker 1: on the field. And the Boston media, although they've gone
Speaker 1: a little softer, I'm told by my friends in Boston,
Speaker 1: and they used to be, but they still they still
Speaker 1: hold them accountable. And the other thing I was timeing
Speaker 1: to a buddy of mine that works in sports, and
Speaker 1: there's a lot of concern and angst about the fact
Speaker 1: that a certain percentage of people and I'm gonna do
Speaker 1: a monologue on this. Probably I'll do several of them
Speaker 1: over the next couple of months. I'm giving a preview
Speaker 1: of the monologue here, but I talked to a buddy
Speaker 1: of mine that works in the sports business is obviously
Speaker 1: not working right now. There is concern that a certain
Speaker 1: percentage of people that are currently not able to watch
Speaker 1: sports won't come back, that they're going to lose the
Speaker 1: people are gonna realize, you know, I don't really need sports.
Speaker 1: I can find other things to do, and I don't
Speaker 1: have to go spend a hundred and fifty dollars on
Speaker 1: a ticket or you know, seventeen dollars on a beer
Speaker 1: at a game. Um, they're gouging me. My life is
Speaker 1: still pretty good and I'm done with it. And so
Speaker 1: there's some people concerned that they're gonna they're gonna lose
Speaker 1: a share, not a big share. What do you think,
Speaker 1: Maybe maybe less than five percent of people, But that's
Speaker 1: you know, you do the math on that, that's a
Speaker 1: decent number. Yeah, you spread that out over every sport.
Speaker 1: You lose five percent of your market share because people
Speaker 1: are like, funk this, I don't need sports. I got
Speaker 1: other things I find My life is complete without it. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but you but see Here's the thing on the flip
Speaker 1: side of this is that so many people are are
Speaker 1: either in isolation, self quarantine, or just staying at home.
Speaker 1: How many people are do you generally think are gonna
Speaker 1: start reading? I don't think that many. So most people
Speaker 1: are either watching something on TV, watching something on their computers,
Speaker 1: or watching something on their on their cell phone. So
Speaker 1: if you don't have live events, which I understand most
Speaker 1: of these production houses ben aren't operational right now either,
Speaker 1: so you get a lot of reruns. You get reruns
Speaker 1: for shows, but you get reruns for games. I think
Speaker 1: that's a little blown out of proportion, because I don't
Speaker 1: think it is. I think that you're gonna see certain
Speaker 1: percentage of people, and I don't know what one percent
Speaker 1: or five percent or you know, less than one percent,
Speaker 1: but some are just gonna be like fuck it, um
Speaker 1: we're done. And the other the other person. The other
Speaker 1: thing the person said to me was that if imagine
Speaker 1: if this was going on during football season but they
Speaker 1: were still playing the games with the ratings would be
Speaker 1: for the NFL. If they were the only game in
Speaker 1: town and they were still playing in empty stadiums, imagine
Speaker 1: what the the television ratings. They would it would send
Speaker 1: an all time record. Yeah. One be sure to catch
Speaker 1: live editions of The Ben Maller Show weekdays at two
Speaker 1: am Eastern eleven pm Pacific. Andy writes in, Sayce, do
Speaker 1: you think the Patriots go after Andrew Luck? To be
Speaker 1: Tom Brady's success for Belichick always is shady? H Well, Andy,
Speaker 1: that's not outrageous. I believe that there will be feelers
Speaker 1: put out to Andrew Luck. Of course, he is still
Speaker 1: property of the Colts, I believe. So that seems like
Speaker 1: that's that's a that's a dead end because why would
Speaker 1: the Colts trade Andrew Luck. Doesn't make any sense if
Speaker 1: he wants to play football to play for the Colts,
Speaker 1: that's I know they have made some moves at the
Speaker 1: quarterback position with Philip Rivers, but that's a one year deal.
Speaker 1: So I would think that Belichick would through intermediaries contact
Speaker 1: Andrew Luck his guys see if he wants to play.
Speaker 1: But no. The other problem with Andrew Luck is he
Speaker 1: you know, he got quit on the Colts. I mean,
Speaker 1: say what you want, you say he did the right
Speaker 1: thing for his health and all that, but he walked
Speaker 1: out on the Colts. A couple of weeks before the season.
Speaker 1: That's a ship move. You really want that guy on
Speaker 1: your team. I don't think so well. They wanted Josh
Speaker 1: McDaniels and he backed out too. Might be something in
Speaker 1: the air in the Indianapolis. You never know, Thomas says Ben.
Speaker 1: You are off in times unkind to your callers. That
Speaker 1: is true, Thomas, I feel like I have. I'm pretty
Speaker 1: good most of the time, but I have a lot
Speaker 1: of social deviance that call the show. And there's a
Speaker 1: lot of people that don't listen to a fucking thing
Speaker 1: I say, Thomas, and these people, which I get. Most
Speaker 1: people don't hear what I say. When you listen to
Speaker 1: the radio, you hear maybe one out of every four
Speaker 1: or five words that are said because you're distracted by
Speaker 1: something else. But I think I'm pretty calm most of
Speaker 1: the time. But occasionally, like a volcano, the lava flows
Speaker 1: up and then that has to explode, and it does happen.
Speaker 1: Ian from Canada says Mallard, giving voice to piss drinkers,
Speaker 1: readtards and various mystery iNTS for twenty years. Is this
Speaker 1: your burner account? On Facebook? Guest on that sounds like
Speaker 1: something you would you would read Yeah, that's exactly something
Speaker 1: I would write. Believable, dude. Fox Sports Radio has the
Speaker 1: best sports talk lineup in the nation. Catch all of
Speaker 1: our shows at Fox Sports Radio dot com. In within
Speaker 1: the I Heart Radio app, search f s R to
Speaker 1: listen live. Jason from Rocky Mount, Virginia says, what do
Speaker 1: each of you think about Rob Gronkowski and his return
Speaker 1: to wrestling in a SmackDown? And as we are recording
Speaker 1: this podcast, it has obviously not air. It's gonna be
Speaker 1: on Friday night. If you're listening to this on Friday,
Speaker 1: it's tonight. If you're listening to this on Saturday, it
Speaker 1: was last night. Then, Jason says, if you were a wrestler,
Speaker 1: what would your ring name be? All right? Um, well,
Speaker 1: I don't really have many thoughts on Gronkowski other than
Speaker 1: that I believe he was born for this and this
Speaker 1: is right in his wheelhouse. And for years when he
Speaker 1: was with the Patriots, people said this was what he
Speaker 1: was gonna do, become a professional wrestler. So it turns
Speaker 1: out those people were correct. Um, I think it could
Speaker 1: be pretty good. We'll see, We'll see how this goes,
Speaker 1: whether he's a heel or a pretty boy. We'll find
Speaker 1: out about that. But my wrestling name, Gascon. You know
Speaker 1: what my would be Benny Barracouta. Benny Barracouta, the Baracuta,
Speaker 1: because in the ring I am as fearsome as a Barracouta.
Speaker 1: I don't like that name. It's a great name, Benny,
Speaker 1: And of all the nicknames that you have, you'd go
Speaker 1: with that one. That's my wrestling nickname. Would you like
Speaker 1: you would like to hear my list of nicknames I
Speaker 1: can take? Would you like to hear my name? It
Speaker 1: sounds like you want to hear my nickname. Those nicknames
Speaker 1: are all better than that. I am known as the
Speaker 1: Baron of bob Dash, Bennis the Menace, Captain Nie Jerk,
Speaker 1: General of the Generate's Tycoon of Tease, Master of Disaster,
Speaker 1: the Hustler of Philibuster, night Light of night Life, Pummeler
Speaker 1: of Producers, Benny Brightside, Manity of Insanity, Marconi Maller, Emissary
Speaker 1: of Embellishment, week Night wind Bag, Wizard of Wacky, slayer
Speaker 1: of Naysayers, Grand Goober of gab, Tower of babel On,
Speaker 1: Honest that Donna's nocturnal Colonel, the underdog of Monologue, and
Speaker 1: the Holy Pope of the Slippery Slope. That's only half
Speaker 1: my ick names. Gas Gun, Yeah, I mean we can
Speaker 1: do The Holy Pope of the Slippery Slope is my
Speaker 1: wrestling name. Yeah, why not? What about the Tower of
Speaker 1: Babylon We could do that too, That's pretty good. Bad.
Speaker 1: Here's the miler nicknames. I'm known as the spin Master
Speaker 1: of Misinformation, the Bannering Broadcaster, Beethoven of bs, Curmudgeon of commentary,
Speaker 1: Chasm of sarcasms, are of any dark night of weeknight
Speaker 1: sports radio, Mogul of mischief, Benny the Brazen King of Zing,
Speaker 1: Moneyball Maller, Facetious Fox, Sultan of insult and Jumping Jack
Speaker 1: of wisecrack, Insight of Overnight, Naybob of Negativity, Sage of Outrage,
Speaker 1: Pinnacle of cynical, Prince of preposterous, Professor of propaganda, Hazar
Speaker 1: of hyperbole, and the mad Hatter of sports chatter. Mad
Speaker 1: Hatter is always a good one too. Back to Gronk, Gronk,
Speaker 1: I hate doing this, but Stone Colts, Steve Austin and
Speaker 1: the Rock We're so good. In the late nineties, like
Speaker 1: the Attitude era of w W E was at its
Speaker 1: peak with those guys with Triple H all those guys
Speaker 1: that were during that time, they popped like Gront does
Speaker 1: not do that. Whether it's the riding for w w
Speaker 1: E or just his personality. I get he's energetic and
Speaker 1: he's out there and he's enthusiastic, but he doesn't carry
Speaker 1: He isn't good on the microphone. He doesn't carry the
Speaker 1: charisma that a guy like the Rock would be like,
Speaker 1: or Stone Cold or any of these other guys. I
Speaker 1: don't I don't see it with him. I get that
Speaker 1: he's a big one. Let me tell you why you
Speaker 1: feel that way, guests, guy, because how old were you?
Speaker 1: Please tell me how I should feel? Yes, please tell me.
Speaker 1: I've studied human nature. I'm smarter because you go out
Speaker 1: and you talk to people. Yes, so tell me how
Speaker 1: he should All right, so you were you're saying late nineties, right, Yes,
Speaker 1: so you know you were. How how old are you
Speaker 1: in the late nineties? I was a teenager. Yeah, I'm
Speaker 1: twenty years younger than you. No, you're not. But the
Speaker 1: point is, like, for me, the golden age of wrestling
Speaker 1: was Hulk Hogan versus Andre the Giant. Because I need
Speaker 1: to sell you something, you mama, Luke. All Right. The
Speaker 1: reason it was the golden age is because I was
Speaker 1: at the perfect age. I was a kid. I was,
Speaker 1: you know whatever. The golden years are, like nine to
Speaker 1: twelve or something like that, where you everything is the
Speaker 1: greatest and the rest of your life you compare what
Speaker 1: happened around that age, and nothing ever matches up to that.
Speaker 1: He was absolutely true, because they are kids started. There
Speaker 1: are kids growing up right now. They're like, oh, man,
Speaker 1: the greatest wrestler of all time. Uh, you know, we're
Speaker 1: guys in the you know, ten years ago, twenties, because
Speaker 1: that's what they that's when they became fans of wrestling. No, no, no,
Speaker 1: I became a wrestling fan of the eighties like you.
Speaker 1: I was a Hogan fan in the eighties. I was
Speaker 1: born in the eighties. I mean, that's why I was
Speaker 1: a teenager in the nineties. Dummy. Anyway, if you were
Speaker 1: going the eighties and you didn't experience is wrestling in
Speaker 1: the eighties, I experienced pro wrestling in the eighties when
Speaker 1: it became they started branding everything. I got fat on
Speaker 1: WWF ice cream bars because you know, and I'm vitamins.
Speaker 1: I took the whole Cogan vitamins. Of course he didn't
Speaker 1: sell the real vitamins he was taking with the steroids
Speaker 1: in him. But so be well. I I expect my
Speaker 1: biggest tragedy when watching the w W E or I
Speaker 1: guess the biggest disappointment was when the Ultimate Warrior beat
Speaker 1: Hogan at WrestleMania. But I was a huge Hogan fan.
Speaker 1: I like the Ultimate Warrior. I like Tito Santana. I
Speaker 1: liked uh Jin the Nvil night Heart. I like Brett
Speaker 1: hart Owen Heart, like all those guys. I liked them
Speaker 1: in the eighties, but they just didn't carry the chops
Speaker 1: so that that the rock had that stone cold ad
Speaker 1: triple h chad. Like those guys popped and they made
Speaker 1: Vince McMann a great heal. Now, the broadcasters back then
Speaker 1: we're amazing too, Like Grilla Monsioux was probably my favorite.
Speaker 1: Who else? Jesse Ventura he was good as well. So
Speaker 1: those guys stuck in the eighties for me as broadcasters.
Speaker 1: But mean Gene Okerlan Gene was good, but he was
Speaker 1: was the O g Yeah, but he was he was
Speaker 1: He wasn't a I mean, he was a reporter, not
Speaker 1: a host. Mean Gene Oakland was professional wrestling Roddy Piper
Speaker 1: was there, wore the bow tie. I had a mean
Speaker 1: gene Oakerland statue like a little toy and action figure.
Speaker 1: Was that your sex? You were collecting Barbie dolls and
Speaker 1: I had w w E action figure? That's your a
Speaker 1: Womanizer brand sex toy, mean gene Okerland and a bow tie. Yes,
Speaker 1: it's wrong with that judging. Yeah, I am judging you. Wow, man,
Speaker 1: that's that's not right. Man. You I don't care you done? Yeah?
Speaker 1: I mean, am I allowed to talk at all? Or
Speaker 1: do you just need to keep going on and on
Speaker 1: about your numbers? They go up on this podcast? Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm trying to get through as many questions as I
Speaker 1: You were so long winded. I mean, that was so
Speaker 1: long winded with me. Yes, is there a problem with that? Yes?
Speaker 1: What's the problem. I'm trying to get through a lot
Speaker 1: questions here. Just give a short answer. There'll play plenty
Speaker 1: of other opportunities to answer these dumb questions. Aaron from Lancaster,
Speaker 1: there's several landcasters. I don't know which one. Ben you
Speaker 1: think have you thought about starting your own YouTube channel
Speaker 1: like you could do? You and Roberto showing everyone how
Speaker 1: to cook from Eric Aeron. I have thought about starting
Speaker 1: my own YouTube channel. I've even thought about putting the
Speaker 1: show on YouTube, but part of the problem is I'd
Speaker 1: have to get approval from corporate. That's the first problem.
Speaker 1: The second problem is I feel like radio should be
Speaker 1: just radio, and when you put a camera in the studio,
Speaker 1: it doesn't become just radio, it becomes a TV show.
Speaker 1: It's like, listen, Colin Cowhard does a great job, very successful.
Speaker 1: He does a TV show, doesn't do a radio show.
Speaker 1: He does a TV show and it works for him.
Speaker 1: But I like doing radio. I want to do a
Speaker 1: radio show. And once you put a camera in there,
Speaker 1: it's like that study what was the think of it?
Speaker 1: The one about factory workers? How will you put a
Speaker 1: camera in there? And it changes everything changes? You know,
Speaker 1: you know what I'm talking about. I mean that alone
Speaker 1: changes you. When you go on camera, the way you
Speaker 1: deliver information is drastically different. It's the hawthorn effect. Is
Speaker 1: it's a hawthorn effect. It's people's response. They studied factory
Speaker 1: workers their productivity. They said it increased when they were
Speaker 1: being observed and they knew they were being observed. That
Speaker 1: it's and there's another term I'm forgetting that you put
Speaker 1: the camera in there. It's like a German term and
Speaker 1: it changes. I don't remember what it is. But that's
Speaker 1: the reason why we have a CU rating, right, I mean,
Speaker 1: because we're curious to see how people rate on camera
Speaker 1: by how they present themselves as opposed to the material
Speaker 1: that they have in hand. So that's the other thing now,
Speaker 1: full disclaimer for those out there that are curious. I
Speaker 1: have tried throughout the last twenty four to thirty six
Speaker 1: months about doing something during Ben show for his show,
Speaker 1: and every time I brought in cameras or a light
Speaker 1: kit or my computer and a couple of camera stands,
Speaker 1: I've always gotten a couple of smartass comments about what
Speaker 1: the fund are we doing in there? Why do we
Speaker 1: need to dress up? Yadda yadda, ya ya bitch and
Speaker 1: moan and exactly, yeah, it's come from Ben Mallory. Hasn't
Speaker 1: come from anybody else trying to I am first in
Speaker 1: line to do a TV show. I've done television. They
Speaker 1: had a TV career for like a year at the
Speaker 1: NBC Sports Network years ago, and I'm not against doing television,
Speaker 1: but for me to get all dolled up and to
Speaker 1: sit in makeup and to put fake hair on, which
Speaker 1: is probably what they're gonna have to do at this point,
Speaker 1: and all that stuff. For me to go through that,
Speaker 1: I need to check. You don't pay, So why should
Speaker 1: I play if you don't pay? You know what I'm saying,
Speaker 1: Like TV wanna, it's a given take. You have to
Speaker 1: look like a ken doll and they doll you up
Speaker 1: and then you end up getting paid for doing YouTube
Speaker 1: stream I don't get paid for. Of course you do.
Speaker 1: You could set your platform up to be monetized, absolutely,
Speaker 1: you can. Yeah, you gotta get I think it's a
Speaker 1: million people or something like that. To make any real money.
Speaker 1: It's either a hundred thousand downloads or ten thousand subscribers.
Speaker 1: So is that collective downloads or per video downloads? It's
Speaker 1: collective downloads. There's well, I do because consider the one.
Speaker 1: I'm the one that's done the research on this stuff.
Speaker 1: YouTube Studios is in Culver City, Bend, So I have
Speaker 1: certainly looked that way without you saying anything about let's
Speaker 1: try this or anything in the nature, I have looked
Speaker 1: into a thing very much. So yeah, keep deflecting. Yeah, alright,
Speaker 1: let's see what else do we have here Moving Man
Speaker 1: Matt from Boston. He's stuck in Salt Lake. Then an
Speaker 1: earthquake in Salt Lake this week. He says, when will
Speaker 1: that pussy Willow David Gaggon step into the ring with me?
Speaker 1: What ring? The verbal octagon? The verbal octagon with with
Speaker 1: moving Man Matt. Yeah, guy would just body slam you.
Speaker 1: He would pulverize you. He's a big, tough, Boston moving guy.
Speaker 1: That guy is got thick blood. You are a soft
Speaker 1: west of the four oh five pussy Willow. He would
Speaker 1: eat you for lunch. Are you done at the Fallacio? Wow,
Speaker 1: that's embarrassing you. You can't stroke that guy. That long
Speaker 1: one hit the Mallard food Tour, the trifecting and he
Speaker 1: looks like it too. He's a good look at man.
Speaker 1: I don't know about all that my type, but he's
Speaker 1: a good look at man. There's there's only one person
Speaker 1: that ever getting the verbal octagon with, and that's probably
Speaker 1: your best color in blind Scott. Oh, I thought you
Speaker 1: would say Chris and Houston. Chris, and he likes you.
Speaker 1: I think Chris secretly likes you. Well, I know who
Speaker 1: he likes. He likes brand family's mother and he likes
Speaker 1: everyone else's mother or girlfriends or wives or whatever. It is. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so interesting, It's unfortunate, but yeah, blind Scott is definitely
Speaker 1: your best caller, Greg, and Iowa has a question. He says,
Speaker 1: how many no contact restraining orders does David Gascon currently
Speaker 1: have to his name? That's a great question, Gascon? Would
Speaker 1: you like to reveal how many? Don't lie? Now, how
Speaker 1: many restraining orders you currently have? I got none? But
Speaker 1: if you want to be the first, Greg, we can
Speaker 1: make it happen. Bob from New Hampshire, you're lying. Bob
Speaker 1: from New Hampshire writes In says, it seems like you
Speaker 1: talk faster on the podcast, and then Bob has a theory,
Speaker 1: is that because you want to spend his little time
Speaker 1: possible with Gascon? Or he calls you Gaston. Yes, Bob,
Speaker 1: I try to talk as fast as I can. I'm
Speaker 1: a blabber mouth blah blah blah blah blah blah blah
Speaker 1: blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blahlahla la la.
Speaker 1: And just to end it, yeah, do you want me
Speaker 1: to answer that truthfully now? For you? Well, because Bob
Speaker 1: Bend actually does this from his his bed he records
Speaker 1: the podcast I'd dummy. He doesn't from bed while I'm
Speaker 1: here in the studio, and so I'm stuck. You're getting
Speaker 1: the coronavirus. I'm safe from the Mallard Manchi. Who's the
Speaker 1: loser in this equation? In your face? Lugo. Lugo, the
Speaker 1: p one in Lancaster, California, very big in Lancaster, says
Speaker 1: when are you going to go live again? I think
Speaker 1: he means like a meet and greet. I enjoyed the
Speaker 1: last one. No time soon. Yeah, that ain't gonna happen, Lugo.
Speaker 1: If that's what you mean, that's how I interpret your question.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna hold off on the meet and greets for
Speaker 1: a little while. Not that I'm that concerned about the coronavirus.
Speaker 1: Just you know, I'm okay, I'm good. Chris and uh Mark?
Speaker 1: Is it? Marca Kenna, Iowa? Never heard of this town
Speaker 1: in Iowa? Do let me look it up here in Iowa,
Speaker 1: Des Moines, Iowa. That's about it. That's all that's relevant.
Speaker 1: Iowa city. Oh yeah, that's a yeah. I have a
Speaker 1: friend from the moyn Let's see here, let's look at
Speaker 1: the city of It's m a q u O k
Speaker 1: E t A. All right, it's located on the maka
Speaker 1: Keita River. I'm probably butchering the name of that on
Speaker 1: Roots sixty one. It's in the quad Cities area. Apparently
Speaker 1: it's how it has traffic from the Quad Cities area Iowa, Illinois. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: it's right on. It's right on the Illinois side of Iowa.
Speaker 1: So I probably goes to Cup games. Crap like that.
Speaker 1: It's called the timber City state motto or the city
Speaker 1: motto one of a kind. That great. Come on, we're
Speaker 1: getting an education on a random town in Iowa. Appreciate
Speaker 1: people from that town. How about this Sage Rosenfeld's former
Speaker 1: NFL quarterback stage. Rosenfels is from this town and huge
Speaker 1: social justice warrior st Rosenbell's h Norris Brown, the senator
Speaker 1: from Nebraska from the town. Who else do we have here? Uh?
Speaker 1: I don't know. A businessman Joseph adding, uh boy, what's
Speaker 1: the population of that city? Uh? The population of this town?
Speaker 1: And I let me look as see him on the
Speaker 1: page here population total six thousand one. Um. They actually
Speaker 1: said lower than supposed to be, less than six thousand.
Speaker 1: They think in the the upcoming census, which is going
Speaker 1: to go on this year. So it's about a block
Speaker 1: of Los Angeles, actually not even a block. That's like
Speaker 1: a half a block of l A. Is that many people?
Speaker 1: But to answer your question, Chris, uh, his question is
Speaker 1: how did you meet your wife? I met my wife online?
Speaker 1: I did. I was doing online dating, and I met
Speaker 1: a lot of people that were terrible, horrible human beings.
Speaker 1: I'm one that was good and I was able to
Speaker 1: hornswoggle her into marriage, and so that's how that went.
Speaker 1: But I did internet dating for a while. I think
Speaker 1: that's how most people date these days. But maybe I'm
Speaker 1: wrong on that. But you're you're a single guy. I
Speaker 1: guess I would use a dating apps. You on all
Speaker 1: the apps and all that. I don't do online dating.
Speaker 1: Do Let's below you? Yeah, you to Elite that's right
Speaker 1: west of the four oh five. Well no, there's there's
Speaker 1: actually something nice about going out and and hunting for
Speaker 1: your food. So I did the same thing with dating.
Speaker 1: There's nothing wrong. It's it's hunting, but it's like going
Speaker 1: to the grocery store. No, it's like going through drive through.
Speaker 1: That's exactly what it is. Yeah, but uh, you know,
Speaker 1: not all of us can have as much leisure time
Speaker 1: as David Gascon to go out and socialize and buy
Speaker 1: jin bourbon and whiskey at bars. Because some of us
Speaker 1: were doing weekend overnight's guest gun and some of us
Speaker 1: were locked into the radio station every Friday and Saturday
Speaker 1: night for ten years and couldn't go out and meet
Speaker 1: people when normal people would go out and meet other
Speaker 1: people on a Friday or Saturday night. Some of us
Speaker 1: are not as blessed to have as much free time
Speaker 1: as you. Listen, dummy. When I first started in this
Speaker 1: my three I worked for I Heart Radio in San Diego,
Speaker 1: making eleven dollars an hour part time Monday through Friday.
Speaker 1: I didn't I didn't leave my house. And then when
Speaker 1: I got here to Fox Sports Radio, and not only
Speaker 1: did it worth the overnights, which, unlike for you, was
Speaker 1: eleven to three, my schedule was actually ten pm till
Speaker 1: six A. Again, you are uneducated and side so I
Speaker 1: don't work at the starting age of Fox Sports Radio.
Speaker 1: When I began it Fox they it was like a sweatshop.
Speaker 1: I did a four hour update shift. I did it
Speaker 1: from ten o'clock till I guess two in the morning,
Speaker 1: and then I did a four hour show, so I'm
Speaker 1: up to eight hours. Then I did three more hours
Speaker 1: of updates when I got done, and that was my
Speaker 1: Every Friday and Saturday, that was my shift. I did
Speaker 1: four hours updates before my my show. I had to
Speaker 1: prep for my show while doing the updates, and then
Speaker 1: I did the update, it did the show, and then
Speaker 1: I had to do three more hours of updates when
Speaker 1: we got done. So it was a fucking nightmare. And
Speaker 1: I was so mentally drained by the end of every weekend.
Speaker 1: I had no energy to go out and go anywhere,
Speaker 1: mentally drained from doing from doing sports. You were mentally drained,
Speaker 1: Unlike you. I actually put some thought and effort into that.
Speaker 1: I mean I I put a ton of prep and
Speaker 1: thought and I had to drive a lot. Well, it
Speaker 1: doesn't show, so maybe you should stop doing it, because
Speaker 1: whatever you're doing work every time proving your performance. That's
Speaker 1: not true at all, because every time I offer opinions
Speaker 1: or thoughts or information, you treat certain people like like
Speaker 1: you do your producers, and you just blow right by
Speaker 1: them and ignore them and just put your foot on
Speaker 1: the gash. Moving on, What do you have here? Uh? Dan?
Speaker 1: From Durham, North Carolina, says, which seventies eighties a woman
Speaker 1: was hotter Olivia Newton John, Lonnie Anderson from w k RP,
Speaker 1: Diane Parkinson from The Price Is Right, Debbie Harris from Blondie,
Speaker 1: and Foeb Kates from Fast Times at Ridgemond. He well,
Speaker 1: this is easy for me. I was a kid wanting
Speaker 1: to be on the radio. So I love w k
Speaker 1: RP in Cincinnati and it was one of my favorite
Speaker 1: shows at that time. So I'm gonna go Lonnie Anderson
Speaker 1: for the win. Good job by her. And when I
Speaker 1: was shocked when I got to the radio station and
Speaker 1: the people that worked there didn't look like Lonnie Anderson,
Speaker 1: I was like, Wow, what happened? That She's pretty hot,
Speaker 1: or at least back in the day she was hot.
Speaker 1: Yeah in her day, while these women were attractive in
Speaker 1: their day. You know that you I don't even know
Speaker 1: who these people are. No, I don't. I hadn't even know.
Speaker 1: I'm not in that age bracket. You were born in
Speaker 1: the sixties. I don't know. I'm not really uh familiar.
Speaker 1: I mean Diane Parkinson, she flipped cards on the Prices Right.
Speaker 1: She pointed at the showcase showdown. I mean a big deal.
Speaker 1: So you're not gonna answer you you're a loser, sorry, Dan,
Speaker 1: I answered, he did not. Fats from Philly. I love
Speaker 1: this guy, Fats. Fats is moving up my big board
Speaker 1: of Malla militia p ones. Of course he sucked up
Speaker 1: to us. He bought us a big box of pretzels.
Speaker 1: I love the Philadelphia pretzels. Thank you so much, Fats.
Speaker 1: I gotta answer Dan Parkinson. You just looked her up. Yeah,
Speaker 1: there you go. Uh well, look up Debbie Harris and
Speaker 1: these old ones. I'm Olivia Newton John I'm going Lonnie Anderson. Anyway,
Speaker 1: So Fats from Philly. Very generous, he says, Hey, Ben,
Speaker 1: since you're of Jewish origin, besides yourself, who are your
Speaker 1: top five Jewish celebrities? And he gave his list and
Speaker 1: he's got this is great. He's got Mo Howard, Curly
Speaker 1: Howard mel Brooks, Getty Lee and Ron Jeremy are his
Speaker 1: favorite Jewish celebrities. I don't really have like a favorite
Speaker 1: Jewish celebrities. This I know the athlete thing I could do,
Speaker 1: like everyone says Fat Sandy ko Fax is the end
Speaker 1: all b R. But what about Red Rboch the greatest
Speaker 1: coach for the Celtics, those great Celtic teams. Jew I
Speaker 1: always loved when I was younger, like Randy Macho man
Speaker 1: Savage is technically Jewish because he's not He wasn't religious,
Speaker 1: but he's it was slide into a slim gym. Was
Speaker 1: that his life? But his mother was a Jew, So
Speaker 1: the Jews, if your mom's a Jew, your qualify as
Speaker 1: a Jew. Uh. And and there was a boxer the
Speaker 1: former heavy there, I guess there were a couple of
Speaker 1: heavyweight champs, but Max Bear in the nineteen thirties was
Speaker 1: a heavyweight boxer and he was a Jewish guy, and
Speaker 1: he was the champion of the world. And so that
Speaker 1: was always like a badge of honor. And by that
Speaker 1: you know ly allows Ado, Yeah Jewish? Who knew Bill
Speaker 1: Goldberg from wrestling? He's a Jewels. What about Mari Stademer
Speaker 1: Sean Green form of the Dodgers, Sean Greens on the list,
Speaker 1: Kevin Euculus allegedly the Greek god of walks, although he's
Speaker 1: a Jewish anyway. So Jordan in Seattle writes and he
Speaker 1: says for both of you, and he says, have you
Speaker 1: ever walked in on people, He says, uh, screwing ever
Speaker 1: walked in on that, guess on people doing the dirty? Yeah, twice,
Speaker 1: and I actually was sleeping one one guy brought his uh,
Speaker 1: his booty calling for a night. That was pretty wild too.
Speaker 1: So yeah three times. Once in San Diego, twice in Vegas,
Speaker 1: of course. But not your parents or something like that.
Speaker 1: You're knocking on that. No, so a lot of kids
Speaker 1: will walk in on their parents doing the dirty. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but you never had that. I think it's only happened
Speaker 1: one time, as I remember. I think I would remember
Speaker 1: if it happened more than one time. But I also
Speaker 1: was at a hardy and uh walked in the wrong room.
Speaker 1: I didn't know where I was. It was somebody else's
Speaker 1: house I had not been to, and I made the
Speaker 1: wrong turn and some people were making whoopee in one
Speaker 1: of the bedrooms that I didn't know it was a
Speaker 1: bedroom now it was a bathroom now back in the
Speaker 1: in the day. Did you ever take trips out to
Speaker 1: uh to Lake? HASU? No? No, I've never been to Lake.
Speaker 1: Has never never been well Lake. There's a lot of
Speaker 1: debauchery that goes on there, used to be, in fact,
Speaker 1: in when I was when I was in at l
Speaker 1: Communo and playing junior college ball. We went out there
Speaker 1: with a bunch of teammates. There's five of us and
Speaker 1: we're all nineteen twenty years old. And there's a spot
Speaker 1: in Lake Havasu, an area called Copper Canyon, which is
Speaker 1: usually a spot where all these boats will They can't dock,
Speaker 1: but they'll just drop anchor there and set up shop.
Speaker 1: But it's also a good launching points. If you want
Speaker 1: to jump off a couple of rocks from like low
Speaker 1: to mid too high, you can do that there. Um. Yeah,
Speaker 1: girls got after it back in the day with the guys,
Speaker 1: and I remember distinctly we had shot large pontoon boats
Speaker 1: that were connected to each other with like kegs and
Speaker 1: speakers in the whole nine yards the third boat that
Speaker 1: was connected to us. Yeah, I mean you had a
Speaker 1: couple of people having sex, I mean point blake range
Speaker 1: from a couple of people and everyone else gathering around
Speaker 1: and they just, yeah, they went at anything goes. Police
Speaker 1: came eventually, but they didn't even break anything up. They
Speaker 1: just told people to like stop having sex. They just
Speaker 1: it was it was pretty wild, like havasty back in
Speaker 1: the day. It was just I mean that was x
Speaker 1: red into the tea. So you are such a perfect
Speaker 1: isn't that where they made the Girls Gone Wild videos?
Speaker 1: A perfect? I don't care? Alright. A new from Owensboro,
Speaker 1: Kentucky says, what advice can you give me to help
Speaker 1: me get through my surgery? I'm having surgery this week.
Speaker 1: I'm having a huge bladderstone remove. Well, you've come to
Speaker 1: the right guy. I knew. I'm a surgery veteran. As
Speaker 1: you know. The goal bladder has been five days in
Speaker 1: the hospital, all right, So I don't know how long
Speaker 1: your recovery is gonna in the hospital. You got to
Speaker 1: get out of the hospital as quick as possible. I
Speaker 1: assume you will get out as quick as possible. Um,
Speaker 1: But planning, like anything in life, you've got to plan out.
Speaker 1: And I always have a problem finding interesting ship to watch,
Speaker 1: and so I spend most of my time on the
Speaker 1: weekend trying to find like a documentary to watch that
Speaker 1: I find mildly entertaining. So you got to do your
Speaker 1: prep on that, and you know, you get some get
Speaker 1: some tunes going, gonna have some some entertainment to distract
Speaker 1: you from the boredom. Much like the rest of us,
Speaker 1: have to do right now because of social distancing and
Speaker 1: you're not supposed to go out and all that. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I think the other two things are actually three things.
Speaker 1: One is make sure your bed is properly set up
Speaker 1: so if you're sitting up or if you're laying down,
Speaker 1: you're comfortable. Uh. Two you have a straight line to
Speaker 1: the restroom whenever you need to go. And I think
Speaker 1: three for me, which was important. I don't know if
Speaker 1: it was for you Ben when you had surgery, but
Speaker 1: if you don't need to take any pain medication, don't
Speaker 1: take it. Yeah. Yeah, Yeah, that's a great advice. I
Speaker 1: I am such a whimp, okay that I I see
Speaker 1: these stories about people getting addicted opiates, opioids and all that,
Speaker 1: you know, and so I didn't want to take I
Speaker 1: had the gall bladder searcher, I had another procedure a
Speaker 1: while back, and I didn't take the pain medicine. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I mean I I have them, of course, you know,
Speaker 1: just that they gave them to you just in case.
Speaker 1: But I was like, yeah, you can probably sell those
Speaker 1: for like twenty five dollars a pill. Now. I've already
Speaker 1: had people I work with in radio they're like, hey,
Speaker 1: you want to you need those pills, we'll take them
Speaker 1: off your hands. Good viking in the coding, the all
Speaker 1: that stuff. I mean, if you don't need it, don't
Speaker 1: take it. I mean, because it's just so much your
Speaker 1: stumming too. It eats you up. So if you're not
Speaker 1: you're probably gonna have a suppressed appetite anyway. So when
Speaker 1: you take the pain medication, it uh, it adds to that.
Speaker 1: So Josh writes in from Indiana. He says, let's see here.
Speaker 1: I just want to ask you, if you were to
Speaker 1: run out of toilet paper, would you a invest in
Speaker 1: a a day be use an unpaired sock or see
Speaker 1: waffle stop your poop down the shower drain. Waffle stop? Good,
Speaker 1: that's funny, Josh. I like that waffle stop your poop
Speaker 1: down the shower drain. Well, no, I think the move
Speaker 1: is you you poop on the toilet. Obviously you do that,
Speaker 1: and then man, I mean, it is a tough call
Speaker 1: because sometimes it doesn't all exit the way it's supposed to.
Speaker 1: Ex got some hangers on there. But I would just
Speaker 1: do the shower. My wife would like to get a
Speaker 1: bi day, but I don't know. We spent so much
Speaker 1: money on this fucking kitchen and all this. I don't
Speaker 1: I don't really need a bad day. Yeah you say,
Speaker 1: investment with Ben Maller not happening. You gotta go shower.
Speaker 1: Shower is easy, it's comfortable. Um, the messes isolated, but
Speaker 1: day with the Mallards came over. Uh see what else?
Speaker 1: This is? From Michael in Newton Falls says, since we
Speaker 1: are in a social distancing thing, who who is the
Speaker 1: one caller you couldn't stay away from? And who is
Speaker 1: the one you're happy about having a social distancing there?
Speaker 1: He goes from Michael from Newton Falls. Um, and I'm
Speaker 1: gonna tie this into this other question from Mark who said,
Speaker 1: if you had a had to choose one of these
Speaker 1: callers to be roommates with, who would you pick? And
Speaker 1: then he listed Blair in Maine, flexis Marcel and helmet
Speaker 1: Man at the Roach motel. Fuck? Alright, so I love
Speaker 1: helmet Man. He's a very personable person. But there's no
Speaker 1: way I want to hang out at a roach infested
Speaker 1: with vermin all over the place apartment. I'm not gonna happen.
Speaker 1: That's not gonna happen. Felexis God, No, felexus is seems
Speaker 1: like a raging alcoholic. I don't want anything to do
Speaker 1: with flexis um because Flexus has been like good and bad.
Speaker 1: He's very moody alcoholic, if that is correct. And then oursel.
Speaker 1: I don't think Marcel's left his apartment in Brooklyn, which
Speaker 1: is a part of two f by the way, in
Speaker 1: the projects in Brooklyn in a while. The one good
Speaker 1: thing with Marcel is that he'd give me all the
Speaker 1: breaking news. If I live with Marcel, and Uncle Dynamite
Speaker 1: would come over and and deliver snacks. I would pick
Speaker 1: Blair in Maine, and I'll tell you why, because Blair
Speaker 1: lives with his mom, and his mom would like I
Speaker 1: get home cooked meals from Blair's mom. How great would
Speaker 1: that be? Be wonderful. She'd clean up, she'd make the
Speaker 1: bed and all that stuff. She'd she'd clean up my
Speaker 1: my dirty laundry. And it's wonderful. Yeah. Now for entertainment purposes,
Speaker 1: I know this question wasn't asked to me, but I
Speaker 1: don't think you can go wrong with Mark the full
Speaker 1: name guy. Oh so bring him up. That guy still
Speaker 1: sends me crazy email every fucking and I'm not gonna
Speaker 1: listen to your show anymore, you're a loser, and then
Speaker 1: like a day later, he's right back. I don't think
Speaker 1: you can go wrong with Tammy because Tammy is Tammy
Speaker 1: is a you know, I would classify Tammy as she
Speaker 1: would be the equivalent of Mike Trout. She's a five
Speaker 1: tool player. She's a five tool human being, Ben, because
Speaker 1: she takes care of people. She takes care of your staff.
Speaker 1: And how do you know she's because I've worked on
Speaker 1: overnight shows where she'll take care of our entire crew
Speaker 1: when we're either hungry or someone's birthday or someone celebrating something.
Speaker 1: She always does something that's that's nice. She's outgoing to
Speaker 1: which is great. And I think if you need stories,
Speaker 1: if you need a perspective, you can't go wrong with
Speaker 1: I'm a pilot. Guy is just amazing, like probably one
Speaker 1: of the best players that you have in your roster,
Speaker 1: Ben Maller, I'm a pilot. That guy would be great
Speaker 1: just for the stories alone about what he sees, does
Speaker 1: and experiences. And I know you don't like him as
Speaker 1: much as I do, but I mean, I think you
Speaker 1: missed a spot. You might want I think I'm through.
Speaker 1: I might want to touch that up spot in the
Speaker 1: back there. We'll do a few still, yeah, limited time,
Speaker 1: but we'll do a study this. I got a couple
Speaker 1: of these. Not a great week for studies this. Uh uh?
Speaker 1: What are you on your phone right now? I heard
Speaker 1: a little Oh you are you on? That? Was? I
Speaker 1: heard that? Everyone heard that on the podcast? Did you
Speaker 1: hear you are distracted? You're not focused on the podcast.
Speaker 1: I am focused on the podcast. That's a lie. What
Speaker 1: did you hear? All right? What percentage of adults fear
Speaker 1: that Martians will invade Earth within fifty years? So you
Speaker 1: think that eight percent of adults are worried that we
Speaker 1: are going to be attacked by aliens, It's actually one
Speaker 1: in five adults fear that Martians will invade Earth within
Speaker 1: the next fifty years. I'm not really worried. I'm not.
Speaker 1: I feel like we're living through a Martian invasion right
Speaker 1: now the way things are going. Let's see here, what
Speaker 1: percentage of Americans now turned to technology for a better
Speaker 1: night sleep, meaning these sleep apps and all that mumbo
Speaker 1: jumbo to I think it's like six and ten six
Speaker 1: of adults turned on some app, whether it's a meditation
Speaker 1: app or some sleep sound bullshit. You know YouTube has
Speaker 1: sleep sound music that's like eighteen hours of a ridiculous
Speaker 1: thing like that that you can put on your phone
Speaker 1: when you go to sleep and it just plays. Do
Speaker 1: you play that stuff? I've tried everything because I have
Speaker 1: a real walky sleep schedule, and it didn't work. My
Speaker 1: my wife's mom, my mother in law, is a nurse
Speaker 1: and she does a great job at a big hospital
Speaker 1: in l A. And she found out from somebody. She said,
Speaker 1: I got this this video that they play for people
Speaker 1: that have gone to war and can't sleep because they
Speaker 1: have pt SDE you know, they're dealing with the ramifications
Speaker 1: of that, which is a big problem for these guys
Speaker 1: and they come back. And she said, this works. This
Speaker 1: is what they use in the hospitals to get people
Speaker 1: calmed down, to get them to go to sleep. And
Speaker 1: so she sent it over to my wife and then
Speaker 1: I got it and it didn't work. I was so bummed.
Speaker 1: I was so excited when I heard about it, and
Speaker 1: I was like, oh, this is great, this is the
Speaker 1: this is the fix for my lifetime problem of falling asleep,
Speaker 1: and turned out it was not. Let's see here. Study
Speaker 1: says fake news is making the coronavirus situation even worse.
Speaker 1: I believe that. But what is fake and what is real? Though? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Who the hell knows? The lines have been blurred as
Speaker 1: they say, what age? Here's a good one, guest scout.
Speaker 1: This is very important for all men as they age.
Speaker 1: At what age do women start turning into their mother's
Speaker 1: We all turned into our fathers or mothers eventually. Can't
Speaker 1: fight it, just deal with it. It's gonna happen. So
Speaker 1: when you women typically hit menopause, is it forty five
Speaker 1: or fifty? I'll go with fift. How the funk would
Speaker 1: I know? I'll yeah, you're terrible. Women start turning into
Speaker 1: their mothers when they reached the age of thirty three.
Speaker 1: What about men? Though? Uh? Into their father Yeah, I
Speaker 1: think it's I think it's much letter than that for
Speaker 1: compared to women, I'll say forty five. It is later,
Speaker 1: but not not that. It's one year they say at
Speaker 1: age thirty four. According to new research um They said
Speaker 1: daughters are most likely to start adopting the same attitudes
Speaker 1: and taste is their mothers in the first few years
Speaker 1: after having their first child. Menopause happens between the ages
Speaker 1: of forty five and fifty five. So I was close.
Speaker 1: Well you've already started menopause. Shut up, dick, all right,
Speaker 1: you set yourself up for that, dummy. What else do
Speaker 1: we have here? Oh? This is good. This is an
Speaker 1: environmental study. New study shows that seat turtles. Why do
Speaker 1: they eat plastic? I don't know. Why do they eat plastic?
Speaker 1: Because they say they seat turtles? It smells like food
Speaker 1: to them. So I didn't know. I thought plastic didn't
Speaker 1: really smell. Yeah, it shouldn't unless you got stuff on it.
Speaker 1: So alright. New survey reveals that blank percent of Americans
Speaker 1: think they'll eventually get the coronavirus. What do you think?
Speaker 1: I'll say six, very very close. Sixty five percent of
Speaker 1: Americans think they will eventually get the coronavirus. What percentage
Speaker 1: of Americans think they have it right now? A quarter?
Speaker 1: Now lower. A new study claims that twelve percent of
Speaker 1: adults don't have one of these best friend No, well
Speaker 1: that's you. You don't have a best and you're missing
Speaker 1: a bestie. Uh. They don't have a credit card. Well, shocking,
Speaker 1: twelve percent of it all do not have a credit card.
Speaker 1: That's that's really shocking. That's great, all right, Uh, let's
Speaker 1: see we have one more kind of like that. New
Speaker 1: survey found Americans are rapidly outgrowing this part of their home.
Speaker 1: The living room, no kitchen, no, the bedroom, No the
Speaker 1: garage that do you stack your garage or do you
Speaker 1: have stuff in there? I don't have a garage. Oh
Speaker 1: you don't. Yeah, the house we're in they renovated it
Speaker 1: and the garage is like an extra bedroom. Okay, so
Speaker 1: I parked the mall and will be all outside. You
Speaker 1: have a massive driveway too that you have a massive
Speaker 1: drive away. That thing it's not even that big compared
Speaker 1: to some of the other people around here. But yeah,
Speaker 1: it's a it's a decent sized driveway. It's very steep,
Speaker 1: though I don't like how steep it is. It's like
Speaker 1: thirty yards. It stands a lot of out of a
Speaker 1: place to this good place to park your car. That's
Speaker 1: you know, that's why we have it. Like, that's why
Speaker 1: we don't need it a real traditional garage because there's
Speaker 1: plenty of space there. Yeah, you have a mile long
Speaker 1: garage or driveway, a garage, a fire pit, a massive
Speaker 1: backyard like you have. You have a white collar home.
Speaker 1: Like it's very I'm living the American Dream. Yeah, three
Speaker 1: million dollar net worth, Ben Miller, Wow, West of the
Speaker 1: four oh five gas gone. Yeah. I love how you
Speaker 1: took a shot at me because I was trying to
Speaker 1: promote a local Mexican spot in Manhattan Beach night during
Speaker 1: your show. And that's the way that you did it.
Speaker 1: It's the way I did it as a schmuck, by
Speaker 1: saying we get cancel are fasting for a day, like
Speaker 1: bragging about look at the food. I look at my food.
Speaker 1: It's Mexican food. Everybody fucking eats it. Not everyone who
Speaker 1: doesn't love Mexican food. People that don't like Mexican food.
Speaker 1: I don't know, and I don't know any but I'm
Speaker 1: sure there's people that otherwise. The only restaurants we'd have
Speaker 1: our Mexican I love Mexican restaurant. Yes, the chips, the salsa.
Speaker 1: I'm all about that action, boss, I'm all about that action.
Speaker 1: All right. Let's see what one more study year? All right?
Speaker 1: Have you noticed that certain people are better off at
Speaker 1: fighting the flu than others? Left handers quote a new
Speaker 1: News study, it has been revealed that it actually doesn't
Speaker 1: matter if you're left or right handed, but it is
Speaker 1: related to the first flu strain that you encountered as
Speaker 1: a child. He goes all the way back to childhood,
Speaker 1: they think, and it depends on how you handle it
Speaker 1: as a kid, and then you know how your body
Speaker 1: responded to it, and that for the rest of your life.
Speaker 1: We'll set you up on a certain path. Did you
Speaker 1: have chicken pox as a kid. I don't believe I
Speaker 1: had chicken pop. I don't remember having chicken box, so
Speaker 1: I don't think I had chicken pops chicken pox. You
Speaker 1: I didn't. I mean everybody in my family the chicken pox.
Speaker 1: So it says a lot about your family. The Jordan's
Speaker 1: people have chicken pox. I probably did. I don't remember that.
Speaker 1: I must have been so young I blocked it out
Speaker 1: or whatever I do have. Don't stick to sports stories
Speaker 1: of the week to oh, I don't have to do them.
Speaker 1: You know you unbelievable, not prepared, gascon not prepared, Jess.
Speaker 1: I got something I can do all the heavy lifted
Speaker 1: jet again, just as you just lay and you do
Speaker 1: lay up radio podcast. How about you just throw me
Speaker 1: under the thus. How about you be prepared? Man. This
Speaker 1: is why I try to tell you. I try to
Speaker 1: tell you not to not skate by and you continue
Speaker 1: to scape by. That's not true at all. Yeah, that
Speaker 1: is that's not true at all. All Right, Uh, here's
Speaker 1: I got some stories that came out this week. Let's
Speaker 1: the oil prices could fall below zero. How about that
Speaker 1: crude surplus could overwhelm global storage. Yeah, we certainly have
Speaker 1: plus year in the United States. Yeah. Yeah, the oil
Speaker 1: prices are plunging and they could get to zero. Now
Speaker 1: what does that mean for gas? Like the price of
Speaker 1: gas that has to come down too, But how low
Speaker 1: can it go? Because a gas tax like in California,
Speaker 1: I think it's like a dollar tax almost that we
Speaker 1: pay per gallon, So it can't go like under a
Speaker 1: certain threshold. Right, I've seen gas right now in Texas
Speaker 1: under two dollars, Oklahoma's under two dollars. We're still like
Speaker 1: right around what to eight three dollars? Yeah, it's in
Speaker 1: that in California. Last I checked, it's it's in that
Speaker 1: area right around there. What other do you want me
Speaker 1: to do all the world? How about this one? Ben? Okay,
Speaker 1: it's not like I didn't find join the party just
Speaker 1: late to the party, but I'm glad you just had
Speaker 1: to bring it out because I was yelled at earlier
Speaker 1: for being long winded. Um, you got Times Square right
Speaker 1: now has guys, usually men, dressed up as as characters
Speaker 1: and they're chain singing around tourists for hugs during this
Speaker 1: coronavirus outbreak. How about that again? You got guys they're
Speaker 1: dressed up as characters chasing people around. Oh yeah, like
Speaker 1: in Times Square and yeah, chasing them around for for home.
Speaker 1: Why would they change that? These people have been doing
Speaker 1: that for years in New York. Do you know they
Speaker 1: dress up as Elmo and chase you around Times Square? Yeah,
Speaker 1: like dressed up as as naked cowboys. I know you
Speaker 1: love that. Uh. When I used to live in Hollywood, Um,
Speaker 1: what's the Hollywood Highland? N what's that Hollywood and Vine. No,
Speaker 1: it's Hollywood and Highland. There's like a theater there. It's
Speaker 1: right near the we used to be the Grahmins Chinese Theater.
Speaker 1: Here's a big shopping center and there's underground parking and
Speaker 1: I used to go there sometimes with the food court
Speaker 1: neat And one time I was in the food court
Speaker 1: and all the characters that would be out in Hollywood
Speaker 1: Boulevard with their costumes would go up and they would
Speaker 1: eat in the food court and it was so funny
Speaker 1: because there was one guy that walked in dressed like
Speaker 1: an e walk like he was a vertically challenged human being.
Speaker 1: And it was the funniest thing because the guy, I
Speaker 1: don't remember what he ate, but he sat down and
Speaker 1: he took his little ewalk helmet you know, mask off,
Speaker 1: and then he sat there with the furry outfit on,
Speaker 1: eating his meal. It was it was the funniest thing
Speaker 1: in the world. That is unbelievable. Um, I still close
Speaker 1: my eyes and see it. Now here's the story again.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna send this to you so he can keep
Speaker 1: track of this. This is your comic book guy. Uh
Speaker 1: not really, Yeah, well this could get you into comic
Speaker 1: books because this is finally come up with a character
Speaker 1: for you. Marvel Comics recently introduced the Protege's that will
Speaker 1: mentor under the original New Warrior in the Outlawed spinoff
Speaker 1: mini series one. One of the New Warriors is named Snowflake.
Speaker 1: That's right. It has been confirmed to be a non
Speaker 1: binary superhero. That's right. Marvel Comics going full on PC
Speaker 1: and they are going with Snowflake the non binary and uh,
Speaker 1: this it is a whole right up here, I sent
Speaker 1: you the story. Um, this is from a writer for
Speaker 1: Marvel dot Com actually wrote the story. The New Warrior
Speaker 1: writer told marvel dot com, how great is that? As awful?
Speaker 1: I want my child to grow up to be a
Speaker 1: non binary superhero Snowflake. How about this? I know that
Speaker 1: how would Snowflake attack people? They're superpower be to protest?
Speaker 1: What are they gonna? Man? Their their way to rebel
Speaker 1: is to go hey, hey, ho ho, you gotta go
Speaker 1: right one of those things? Yeah, a chant? Yeah? Man?
Speaker 1: How about this? I know we talked a few times.
Speaker 1: Get down. There's a snowflake movement in this town. No
Speaker 1: parting in the streets of Portland, Oregon. Maybe, Um, we've
Speaker 1: talked so great that we're alive and we can live
Speaker 1: in the era of Snowflake the non binary superhero. That's
Speaker 1: just what I wanted when I was a kid. Oh,
Speaker 1: my God's great. Well, this is so good. This is wonderful. Guest,
Speaker 1: are you gonna add this to your book? I need
Speaker 1: to get a Snowflake action thing. I wonder if you
Speaker 1: could dress them up as as uh as media people.
Speaker 1: I know that you take shots at some of the
Speaker 1: people in the sports industry like reporters and and hosts
Speaker 1: and whatnot that get on their soapbox, that go on
Speaker 1: the slope and the snowflake route too, So it might
Speaker 1: be an opportune time to dress these people up put
Speaker 1: a name tag with it. Well, that's great. I mean
Speaker 1: I will use that in future mild monologues for people
Speaker 1: that are soft. Instead of calling you a Mr. Softie
Speaker 1: or a Mama Luke, I will say you are a
Speaker 1: Marvel superhero snowflake. Oh my god, the nine non binary.
Speaker 1: I thought Robbie the Mariner fan was the non binary superhero. Well,
Speaker 1: according to Justin and Cincinnati, step right back, you've got competition.
Speaker 1: That is the case there, man. How about this in
Speaker 1: Berlin right now they are suffering quite a bit, obviously
Speaker 1: with the coronavirus outbreak, but because of that, profits are
Speaker 1: down fifty percent in brothels right now over the past week,
Speaker 1: week and a half. What are the whore is gonna do?
Speaker 1: I don't know, but this goes from anything from sex
Speaker 1: to bathing too, massages, the whole nine yards. And I
Speaker 1: know you haven't gone to any of the kind of
Speaker 1: uh Swedish Asian parlors out here in Los Angeles. But
Speaker 1: but yeah, you can certainly mix it up. In Berlin.
Speaker 1: It's a little bit more, or I guess, lucrative for
Speaker 1: some that work out there, and obviously appeasing to the
Speaker 1: gentleman that go for their for their pleasure. But so
Speaker 1: far the city has confirmed three cases of the coronavirus.
Speaker 1: But obviously it is hit the clubbing industry, the nightlife
Speaker 1: and of course the local brothels there. Well, you know
Speaker 1: what you have to do, guests, and get on a
Speaker 1: plan and go over there and support your local whore man.
Speaker 1: Come on, man, what's wrong with you? I looked up
Speaker 1: a round trip ticket from l A to London three
Speaker 1: hundred and fifty four dollars right now, you gotta do it. No,
Speaker 1: I wouldn't do it, but I had to take a
Speaker 1: piece a little bit. Man. Come on, well I could
Speaker 1: do it on your dime, Like if I get a
Speaker 1: listener to that one? How about this? How about this?
Speaker 1: If you get the coronavirus, then I'll go because you're
Speaker 1: good right, yeah, I mean perfect right, I can fly
Speaker 1: with the coronavirus. You would live like a king if
Speaker 1: you get the coronavirus, because you don't have to worry
Speaker 1: everyone's freaking out by the unknown. But if you get
Speaker 1: it and you don't have a bad reaction to it,
Speaker 1: then you assume you're okay and you're good. Well, that's
Speaker 1: perfect because I wouldn't probably be allowed to board, and
Speaker 1: if I got into Heathrow, they would probably take my
Speaker 1: temperature at the gate, So there's no way to be
Speaker 1: admitted into London anyway. So if I contracted it, I
Speaker 1: was diagnosed, I mean obviously had to show symptoms, but
Speaker 1: if I was asymptomatic, maybe there'd be a chance. But
Speaker 1: that's awesome, Like you're not rooting for the binary anymore, snowflake,
Speaker 1: but you're rooting for me to get the coronavirus. That's awesome. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it would be good for the show. It's great for
Speaker 1: the show. That means be the answer to a Fox
Speaker 1: Sports Radio tribute question, the first get the company to
Speaker 1: get the coronavirus. Yeah. I would look forward this year
Speaker 1: to your holiday party too. Oh, you're not going to
Speaker 1: the holiday There will be no holiday ending that God?
Speaker 1: Why not no holiday party? Oh and now who's the snowflake? Oh,
Speaker 1: you unwashed losers want you my house, spreading your vermin
Speaker 1: all over my house. You're you're a bunch of yeah
Speaker 1: because we can't eat any cold, raging Cajuns anymore. What
Speaker 1: was me occasions? You are so stupid. It's it's the
Speaker 1: mascot of a university in Louisiana. It's raising Caines eiven one.
Speaker 1: All right, are you done? What do you mean? Am
Speaker 1: I done? I gave you two stories because you want
Speaker 1: to take the limelight away. That's fine. I know you
Speaker 1: need the attention. It's all about you. It's all about
Speaker 1: your name is on the podcast. My name is on
Speaker 1: the podcast, and I got adjust my goddamn schedule for
Speaker 1: your fucking Hollywood auditions. You fucking lose you now. Seriously,
Speaker 1: I want you to know full disclosure here that this
Speaker 1: podcast has been recorded a different day, not because I
Speaker 1: had it. It's one thing if I have a scheduling issue,
Speaker 1: because you know it's the Ben Fifth Hour with Ben Maller. No, no, no,
Speaker 1: I am. I am having to adjust my schedule to
Speaker 1: accommodate the wishes of that that schmuck, David Gascon, the
Speaker 1: narcissist David Gascon. I think you'd be happy for me,
Speaker 1: But first of all, what else do you have to
Speaker 1: fucking do? Today nothing. I have a network radio show,
Speaker 1: but I have to prepare for right now, do you
Speaker 1: understand what do you have to do tomorrow? I got
Speaker 1: a lot of things going on tomorrow. I don't think
Speaker 1: you have a lot of things, lots of all. I
Speaker 1: gotta work out, I gotta figure out how to work.
Speaker 1: I was gonna take me longer to work out, and
Speaker 1: I have to go to a park and do all that. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I can send you a video teach you. I'm convinced
Speaker 1: you try to provoke me. You try to provoke me
Speaker 1: because I've told you a month ago. I said, listen,
Speaker 1: I cannot do the podcast on the day that you
Speaker 1: want to do the podcast. It has to be on
Speaker 1: this particular day. And you were like a couple of weeks,
Speaker 1: you were a good soldier, right, and then all of
Speaker 1: a sudden, you know, no, no, no no, no, no no,
Speaker 1: you gotta bring in all the drama and all the
Speaker 1: fucking emotion. You're like, we're not gonna do it. Listen.
Speaker 1: I mean part of your different day, well, a part
Speaker 1: of your day has been cut off because you can't
Speaker 1: go to Costco anymore for free samples, so that at
Speaker 1: least four hours out of your block that are free
Speaker 1: now that is um no costco. On the weekends, I
Speaker 1: got some more free time on that. There's not a
Speaker 1: lot of content out there, and you should probably rely
Speaker 1: on your producers more to help you produce the show overnight. Well,
Speaker 1: I don't know if you know this, and I probably
Speaker 1: shouldn't say anything, but I don't do anything like full disclosure.
Speaker 1: I show up at ten fifty nine, which I show
Speaker 1: starts at eleven in the West, and I'm completely unconcerned.
Speaker 1: I am very calm, cool and collected because I know
Speaker 1: that my producing staff they have done a full right
Speaker 1: up of the shrone. Okay, I have everything I need.
Speaker 1: I have all the sound I need. Uh. They scour
Speaker 1: the internet to find audio, unique audio. They do that
Speaker 1: all the time. Uh. They prepare bullet points for mallar monologue.
Speaker 1: So I sound very good. Um. So I show up
Speaker 1: and I have the easiest life in the world. I mean,
Speaker 1: my guys do all the work for me. I show
Speaker 1: up at ten fifty nine, I leave right after the
Speaker 1: show and I'm good to go. So some wonderful life
Speaker 1: that I've lived, I have chosen to live from myself.
Speaker 1: So why are you tearing me a new asshole about
Speaker 1: doing this on a different day. I mean, well, because
Speaker 1: the podcast, you don't do the things that my other
Speaker 1: producers do for for the regular show, you don't put
Speaker 1: the work in. Oh you know, you don't prepare. You
Speaker 1: just were caught with your pants down here with that
Speaker 1: little hey, don't stick to sports stories of the week.
Speaker 1: It's bad job by you. I feel like you've you've
Speaker 1: turned on man. It's rather unfortunate. I feel like your
Speaker 1: eyes are darting back and forth because you're lying right now.
Speaker 1: I can see your eyes starting back and forth. It's
Speaker 1: not true at all. I was just minding my own
Speaker 1: business now that I've been shamed in the corner because
Speaker 1: I don't put in as much effort as you do
Speaker 1: money correct, Just want to point that out right now.
Speaker 1: You're fleecing the people, that's what you're doing. Alright. I
Speaker 1: hope you get the job, guess I thought. By the way,
Speaker 1: my brother in law works in the movie, well, he
Speaker 1: works on the set. He builds the sets and stuff.
Speaker 1: He's on the crew that builds the sets for TV
Speaker 1: shows and movies and stuff. He's out of work right now.
Speaker 1: They're not filming anything in Hollywood. They've shut production down,
Speaker 1: but you are still finding work. Well here's a story.
Speaker 1: You are you gonna do a commercial for coronavirus. Well,
Speaker 1: here's the story. A quick story I did. I had
Speaker 1: an audition last week for a a sports drink and
Speaker 1: it was for a sportscaster roll and I think it
Speaker 1: was the same audition that your former dentist was involved with.
Speaker 1: Two And I was called the following day for another
Speaker 1: audition which took place last week. And then I was
Speaker 1: contacted by the agency. It said, hey, you need to
Speaker 1: be available for a couple of dates on a Thursday,
Speaker 1: on a Friday, possibly a Saturday, for fitting and for
Speaker 1: shooting this commercial. So, um, it's not in the bag,
Speaker 1: as they'd say, I can't book it. But I show
Speaker 1: up to the fitting and then if they like what
Speaker 1: they see, that's the finalized product. Then banged. The next
Speaker 1: day I shoot it. So there's a access man, so
Speaker 1: give me some time. It helps the show, doesn't It
Speaker 1: doesn't help. It adds more content to the show, as
Speaker 1: opposed to you bitching and money about your stupid fucking schedule. Alright,
Speaker 1: you're boring me. I gotta go, I gotta I gotta go.
Speaker 1: All of a sudden. You gotta go. I gotta go.
Speaker 1: Places to go, people to see, things to do. Alright, unbelievable.
Speaker 1: Are done, Yes, I'm done. Alright. I have a great weekend.
Speaker 1: Be safe, stay away from everybody. Live the life I've
Speaker 1: been living my entire life. And we'll catch you on
Speaker 1: the radio next time.