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Speaker 1: Oh good, all right, break it down. If you ever

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Speaker 1: have feelings that you just won.

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Speaker 2: Home Amy and Cat got your cob and locking them brother,

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Speaker 2: ladies and polls.

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Speaker 1: Do you just follow an the spirit where it's all

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Speaker 1: the front real stuff, tell the chill stuff and the swaying.

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Speaker 1: Sometimes the best.

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Speaker 2: Thing you can do it just to feel things.

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Speaker 3: This is feeling things with Amy and Kat. Happy Tuesday.

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Speaker 3: Welcome to feeling things. I'm Amy, and I'm and I've

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Speaker 3: got okay, I don't know what that was, and you're.

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Speaker 1: Just playing around with interest.

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Speaker 3: I don't know, okay, just Amy. I am feeling curious, okay,

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Speaker 3: and that has to do with something else that's going

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Speaker 3: on in my house with my furniture. But before we

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Speaker 3: started recording, Kat was going to diagnose me with some

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Speaker 3: sort of disorder because I was feeling a little scattered

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Speaker 3: about my furniture at my house, playing musical chairs, moving

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Speaker 3: some stuff around like one room, not feeling complete. So

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Speaker 3: then i'll, you know, Rob Peter to pay Paul, and

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Speaker 3: then Peter's like, ah, I'm missing a chair. So I

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Speaker 3: feel a little scattered. But now I'm curious as to

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Speaker 3: what you're trying to diagnose me with.

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Speaker 1: Well, Okay, I wasn't. I don't know that I'm really

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Speaker 1: trying to diagnose you. I just was kind of joking

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Speaker 1: and I was like, what's the disorder where you can't

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Speaker 1: just relax in your house and have it be done?

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Speaker 1: Because I'm not even making this up. I told you

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Speaker 1: this yesterday. Could have actually been this morning, but I

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Speaker 1: think it was yesterday. I was talking to Patrick because

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Speaker 1: we're doing a room in our house, the nursery, and

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Speaker 1: it's making me put pause on all these other projects.

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Speaker 1: And I was talking to Patrick about like how I

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Speaker 1: want our house to look, and I was like, well,

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Speaker 1: Amy's house just is perfect.

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Speaker 3: Well like it looks perfect, not accurate, but thank you.

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Speaker 1: And it's all like it all goes in my this

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Speaker 1: is my opinion, okay, which I don't sit here and

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Speaker 1: look at everything every day, but like everything flows and goes, and.

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Speaker 3: But like it doesn't go because I don't want matching matching, right.

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Speaker 1: You're right, but like it that is a skill to

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Speaker 1: be able to buy things that go that don't go

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Speaker 1: so difficult. Like I'm struggling in the nursery with different

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Speaker 1: furniture pieces because I'm like I'm buying them all in

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Speaker 1: the same color, and then they go too much that

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Speaker 1: they don't go. You know, I'm out of breath talking,

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Speaker 1: but I might have.

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Speaker 3: Some sort of disorder where I need a project all

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Speaker 3: the time. And then I looked at you and I

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Speaker 3: was like, whatever, I haven't done anything in since we

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Speaker 3: went to Arizona and I had my laundry and floored son. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: but really before that, it's been a minute.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: And then now I'm gonna maybe move full steam ahead

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Speaker 3: on a couple of projects that are an investment in

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Speaker 3: my home.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. I think it's just interesting for me because I'm like,

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Speaker 1: I want this to look just like this, and you're like, no,

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Speaker 1: I want to change this. So to me something's like perfect,

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Speaker 1: but to you you're like, no, the different strokes for

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Speaker 1: different folks kind of thing. But okay, I don't really

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Speaker 1: like where you put your chairs. No, I'm not going

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Speaker 1: to leave those there.

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Speaker 3: Okay, I just needed them off the wall because they

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Speaker 3: were up against the wall, and their chairs you can

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Speaker 3: spin around in. And what I've learned, I think is

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Speaker 3: those chairs are too big for the space, so I

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Speaker 3: don't know what I'm going to do with them. But

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Speaker 3: where they were you can't can't spin around in them,

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Speaker 3: and I want to be able to sit in those

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Speaker 3: chairs and twirl around. What's going on over there? Oh?

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Speaker 3: What'd you say? And I turn? What's going Oh what?

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Speaker 4: Oh?

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Speaker 3: You're want to sit by the fire? Spin around? But

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Speaker 3: where they were up against the wall, which I loved them,

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Speaker 3: they're these green leather chairs and they're under this really

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Speaker 3: smoking goat picture or an I don't know what kind

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Speaker 3: of animal it is. Actually it's not a goat.

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Speaker 1: Is it a deer? Is it antelope? Like a deer?

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Speaker 3: Maybe it's an antelope. Maybe it's a smoking antelope or something.

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Speaker 3: And the chairs are under it. It looks really cute,

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Speaker 3: But then you're like, it's almost like the chairs aren't

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Speaker 3: getting to be what they're meant to be. It'd be

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Speaker 3: like if we're in a straight jacket and we can't

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Speaker 3: go anywhere. These chairs are like we were more to move,

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Speaker 3: and we're like we can't do anything, So I need

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Speaker 3: to move them. Maybe they need to move rooms, That's

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Speaker 3: what I'm saying. I might move my living room couch

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Speaker 3: to the game room, and then the game room couch

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Speaker 3: to the Facebook marketplace, and then the green chairs maybe

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Speaker 3: could go up there. Maybe not do the green chairs

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Speaker 3: go into my bedroom. Maybe then I can spin all

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Speaker 3: around in there.

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Speaker 1: You have a little sitting room in your bedroom.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I'll be like, do I want to see what's

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Speaker 3: to the left of my room to the right out

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Speaker 3: the window and I can spin around, I have more freedom.

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Speaker 3: But then I have chairs in my bedroom? Where do

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Speaker 3: those go? So see how this becomes a musical chairs

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Speaker 3: Maybe the chairs in my bedroom go better in the

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Speaker 3: living room, but not with the current couch. So like

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Speaker 3: that's the disorder I have.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, where like I would have just kept him against

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Speaker 1: the wall. I get the problem.

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Speaker 3: I get it, and I Stevenson and I removing all

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Speaker 3: this furniture around ourselves this weekend. And props to him.

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Speaker 3: He's been doing a conditioning class for cross country where

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Speaker 3: he's lifting weights and it is paying off. I know

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Speaker 3: I have my little helper because what I really need

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Speaker 3: is a honey to do my honeydo list. Okay, okay,

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Speaker 3: and I don't have a honey right now, but if

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Speaker 3: I had a honey, I would do that honeydew hack

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Speaker 3: that you see people post about online where they're like,

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Speaker 3: just tell your man that you're you're having people over

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Speaker 3: and give him the to do list because they love

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Speaker 3: to check off a list before company is coming over

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Speaker 3: and have them tackle everything and be like, oh, it's canceled,

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Speaker 3: nobody's coming. But then the honey do list is done,

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Speaker 3: So I need a honey.

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Speaker 1: Well you said you wanted to start lifting weights.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I lift it a lot.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't know that that that hack would work

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Speaker 1: for me. I think my husband would be like, it's fine,

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Speaker 1: my friends don't care. Oh, unless it was like we're

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Speaker 1: hosting like an actual I don't know, like a party

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Speaker 1: of sorts.

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Speaker 3: That's what I mean. But like you say we're putting

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Speaker 3: on a party, we're having people over.

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Speaker 1: Then he'd be like, we gotta go to Costco and

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Speaker 1: get some stuff.

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Speaker 3: Okay, Well then you got snacks for days too, you are.

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Speaker 3: So that's the honeybew hack if you have a honey

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Speaker 3: If not, you have to like convince yourself I'm having

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Speaker 3: a party, I'm having people over even though you're not.

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Speaker 3: And then you're like I need to act as if

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Speaker 3: because nothing whips me into shape around my house. Then company.

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Speaker 3: If I know people are coming over, like a hosting

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Speaker 3: a thing, not just a friend stopping by. There are

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Speaker 3: some people I don't know what disorder that is. But

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Speaker 3: if one person is coming by, like they have to

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Speaker 3: have everything per I'm not like that, but if I'm

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Speaker 3: having people over, I want to have it.

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Speaker 1: Your house is always clean where I see, it's.

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Speaker 3: A little I was just out there in between us

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Speaker 3: filming a couple of things. I was trying to tidy.

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Speaker 1: Right now, things are and random places because you've been

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Speaker 1: moving things. But I think your version of your house

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Speaker 1: not in order, in my version of my house in

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Speaker 1: order are the same thing.

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Speaker 3: I'm sure my type of energy around the house is

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Speaker 3: probably an energy suck because I can be a little particular. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: but my roommates because listen to this, this is where

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Speaker 3: I then I'm like, no, no, I'm normal. Because my

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Speaker 3: sister will get out of tape measure and measure her

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Speaker 3: curtains from the wall.

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Speaker 1: But what that sounds normal?

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Speaker 3: Not to hang her curtains when she's opening them, because

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Speaker 3: of course, when you're hanging I'm saying when she's tidying

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Speaker 3: her house, she might And I'm not saying she does

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Speaker 3: this every time. She's just been known to, like if

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Speaker 3: she's opening the curtains and she wants some fluffed impositioned

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Speaker 3: just right. You know she might measure that well.

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Speaker 1: Okay, I'm going to give her the grace because she's

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Speaker 1: like a designer when she is.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, some of it has to do with her her

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Speaker 3: trying to control a situation.

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Speaker 1: Would she would she agree to that?

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Speaker 3: I think yes, I'm repeating what I've heard from her.

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Speaker 3: And maybe she's chillax a little because they have people

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Speaker 3: in and out of their house all the time. Did

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Speaker 3: you just say maybe, yeah, I said chillax? Is that

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Speaker 3: not the thing? Chiliax not a word.

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Speaker 1: I've heard you say it?

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Speaker 3: I relax.

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Speaker 2: I'm sorry, it's not that combining like I know what

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Speaker 2: it is.

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Speaker 3: I know reax, relax.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I get that. I just was shocked that that's

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Speaker 1: the word you chose. It just seems like it's.

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Speaker 4: It's like thought, it was very fitty for that, like

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Speaker 4: it was part of your normal vocabulary versus like the

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Speaker 4: only ever time I would think you would say that

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Speaker 4: would be kind of like a joke.

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Speaker 1: I'm sorry, that is copy.

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Speaker 3: Okay, now my eyes are watering.

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Speaker 1: Okay, maybe she's chillaxed. I think normally you would say

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Speaker 1: maybe she's relaxed a little, but you just threw that

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Speaker 1: in there. Maybe she has then brushed past it. You

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Speaker 1: could use that word. Sorry, sorry, I don't want you

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Speaker 1: to be self conscious.

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Speaker 3: She has calmed Maybe she has calmed down a little

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Speaker 3: bit on that area. Yeah, Shannah just looked up chillax

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Speaker 3: originated in nineteen ninety.

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Speaker 1: Four and you've been using it ever since.

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Speaker 3: So I don't know. That's just the word that came

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Speaker 3: to me. Ye, So I'm not like her in that.

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Speaker 3: I almost wish I was with some of her design

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Speaker 3: stuff because then things are positioned in the right way.

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Speaker 3: I really could channel some of that energy because here's

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Speaker 3: what would happen right now. You see how I move

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Speaker 3: things around my living room and it's like nothing makes sense.

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Speaker 3: If she were to come over and move things around,

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Speaker 3: I would be like what I never thought in every

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Speaker 3: scenario to put that chair right there, or not even that,

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Speaker 3: to put that tiny drink dropper right there, because that's

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Speaker 3: changing everything. And you know I love a good drink dropper.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I bought you the same drink dropper as you.

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Speaker 3: Oh guys, we got a drink dropper off Amazon that

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Speaker 3: is so cute. It looks like nothing else that you have,

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Speaker 3: So therefore it goes.

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Speaker 1: Yes, yes, I will say I had a hot glue mine.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean, but it's from Amazon, but it doesn't

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Speaker 3: look like it's from Amazon. And it's so easy to assemble.

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Speaker 3: I don't know why you had a hot Gluyers, but

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Speaker 3: mine just screwed on.

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Speaker 1: Well, screw is part of it. Yeah. But my sister

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Speaker 1: in laws like that too, where she actually came to

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Speaker 1: my she helped me figure out where to put my

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Speaker 1: drink dropper in my living room and she helped me

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Speaker 1: be like, oh, you have a lot of circular pieces

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Speaker 1: in here. You love circles, it seems And I was

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Speaker 1: like I do. She's like, well, it seems like you do.

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Speaker 1: Because it's every piece of furniture's circular. You need to

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Speaker 1: put a square piece right here, or you need a wreck.

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Speaker 1: You need to switch this one circle for a rectangle

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Speaker 1: and it will change the whole space. And I'm like,

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Speaker 1: I never would have thought that because I picked out

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Speaker 1: some circular side tables I was going to go pick

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Speaker 1: up and she said, don't do that.

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Speaker 3: You need to diversify your shapes. Yes, I'm sure it

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Speaker 3: can be annoying for my kids when I'm wanting to

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Speaker 3: tidy up or keep things clean. Because I feel better

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Speaker 3: like put in a podcast or an audiobook, and I

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Speaker 3: just like it in her generalizer, Bunny and go. Now.

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Speaker 3: I will have my piles that are hidden where people

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Speaker 3: like most of my closet, and I'll just keep adding

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Speaker 3: to that pile. But at least it's not somewhere else

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Speaker 3: my closet. I feel like nobody would see, so it's fine.

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Speaker 3: Or I have some closets I'll just throw stuff into.

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Speaker 2: How do you not have like a pile in your kitchen?

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Speaker 2: How do you not have like a pile in your

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Speaker 2: kitchen that.

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Speaker 3: I do sometimes and then I transfer it, or here's.

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Speaker 1: A question, because this is an issue I have. We

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Speaker 1: have like a little it used to be I think

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Speaker 1: a desk back in the day our house was built

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Speaker 1: in I think the early two thousands, and never used

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Speaker 1: to have these little desks in the kitchen. That has

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Speaker 1: become a ketch all. I made it look like a

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Speaker 1: little cute bar, but now it's a ketch all, and

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Speaker 1: it's like mail, it's like car keys, it's random lip gloss,

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Speaker 1: it's a pair of sunglasses, it's a book that I

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Speaker 1: started and didn't finish. It's whatever whatever that doesn't have

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Speaker 1: a home. It just goes there. What do you do?

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Speaker 3: I have a junk drawer.

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Speaker 1: The junk drawer is underneath. Oh so the drunk doors,

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Speaker 1: like you just.

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Speaker 3: So I have the clue, and I have like a

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Speaker 3: little section like a door that sometimes with a bowl

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Speaker 3: in there, and I have the bowl is behind the

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Speaker 3: door like a cabinet like a glass. It's originally where

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Speaker 3: I want my espresso machine to go. But anyway, Oh,

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Speaker 3: they're that coffee nook and there's a bowl and I

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Speaker 3: just throw stuff in there. So I think it's like

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Speaker 3: having little systems that work for you, like you could

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Speaker 3: find have you seen the people that have the the

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Speaker 3: catch all for their purse like a purse insert that's

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Speaker 3: a little bag that makes it easy to transfer all

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Speaker 3: of your purse essentials or to your point by the

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Speaker 3: front door or your garage door wherever you're in and

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Speaker 3: out of You have like a lipstick as gloss bowl

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Speaker 3: or a person bowl and everything gets stumped into that bowl.

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Speaker 3: That way you just dump it or grab whichever lipgloss

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Speaker 3: you need when you're walking out the door, and it

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Speaker 3: just makes life more convenient.

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Speaker 1: I think that that was my intention, because I have

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Speaker 1: a plate on that desk, but it's become.

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Speaker 3: A catch all for other things everything.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, which I've been trying to I'm in the nesting phase,

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Speaker 1: which I feel like you just are a nester. I guess,

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Speaker 1: like you don't go through a phase, but in a

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Speaker 1: nesting phase. And I didn't really understand that, Like what

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Speaker 1: do you mean nesting? All I want to do is

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Speaker 1: clean out closets in like George, in my house. It's

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Speaker 1: all I want to do, And I just want to

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Speaker 1: throw everything in my house away. You don't get that,

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Speaker 1: but no, I get that.

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Speaker 3: I got like I've done that or donat or yeah,

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Speaker 3: I hopefully.

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Speaker 1: I'll donate the things that are donatable. But I just

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Speaker 1: am like, how did I get this much? I just moved.

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Speaker 1: I just moved. Do I have this much stuff in

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Speaker 1: from a small house mind you?

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Speaker 3: Yeah. I think one takeaway from losing both of my

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Speaker 3: parents that I have is when we are able bodied

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Speaker 3: and young and we need to sift through our stuff,

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Speaker 3: our kids don't need to inherit our Like.

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Speaker 1: Check books from the seventies, my grandmother kept every single

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Speaker 1: what are they called, like the register or whatever where

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Speaker 1: even used to balance a checkbook. She kept every single

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Speaker 1: one she's ever had. Wow, So I could go through

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Speaker 1: them and be like, this is what she butt was mine.

303
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Speaker 1: That might be cool to see maybe for three of them, but.

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Speaker 3: Then they get old.

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Speaker 1: Yeah she had everything one. So here's my issue. Though,

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Speaker 1: This is my issue because I can get in this

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Speaker 1: like black and white where I can be very nostalgic.

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Speaker 1: My mom likes to keep things, and I have that

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Speaker 1: part where I'm like, what if my daughter wants this

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Speaker 1: one day, or yeah, what if this would be cool

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Speaker 1: for somebody to look through when I'm dead. But then

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Speaker 1: there's a part of me that I want to get

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Speaker 1: rid of everything, and then I have nothing for people

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Speaker 1: to like look back on my life. So how do you.

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Speaker 3: Fuy that fine balance? I mean, well, okay, photos, real memories, mementos,

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00:16:22,960 --> 00:16:24,960
Speaker 3: but yeah, this one thing that you ordered on Amazon

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00:16:25,040 --> 00:16:27,800
Speaker 3: that's piece of junk that you probably shouldn't keep. Are

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Speaker 3: there any of those items?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, But I'm like clothes sometimes are hard, or like

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Speaker 1: purses I think about so I'm may either keeping them

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Speaker 1: all because I'm like, this will be cool when my

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Speaker 1: daughter's fifteen to have this vintage purse, but then like, yeah,

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Speaker 1: also what if it's ugly? But also like.

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Speaker 3: Purses do you actually have is it like a lot?

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Speaker 1: I have a bin of purses, but I only use

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Speaker 1: like two. I haven't used them in years.

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Speaker 3: But I can help you go through and maybe I

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Speaker 3: mean that might be a thing where you ask a

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Speaker 3: friend like, hey, can you help me go through the Yeah,

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Speaker 3: the last time what happened, well that was I wasn't

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Speaker 3: there right, So you have to I cannot be lumped in.

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Speaker 1: Yeah with that. The last time I did this, I

333
00:17:07,680 --> 00:17:10,800
Speaker 1: cried with friends with friends, I cried. So I need

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Speaker 1: you to be gentle.

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Speaker 3: I would be gentle, and I would encourage you to

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00:17:14,840 --> 00:17:17,280
Speaker 3: keep on keep some of the bags. Like one of

337
00:17:17,320 --> 00:17:19,400
Speaker 3: my favorite bags that I carry when I go out

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00:17:19,520 --> 00:17:22,520
Speaker 3: is a clutch my mom had from who knows seventies

339
00:17:22,560 --> 00:17:25,159
Speaker 3: or eighties, and I love it and I'm so glad

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00:17:25,680 --> 00:17:28,360
Speaker 3: that she had that. But I will say she did

341
00:17:28,400 --> 00:17:30,800
Speaker 3: have a ton of stuff in her garage in her

342
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Speaker 3: attic that my sister and I had to sift through

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Speaker 3: that just wasn't.

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Speaker 1: You're never gonna it was. People have those rules that

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00:17:36,600 --> 00:17:38,200
Speaker 1: are like if you haven't worn it in a year,

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Speaker 1: get rid of it, or if you e haven't used

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Speaker 1: it in a year, get rid of it. But then

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Speaker 1: you know, you know, as soon as you get rid

349
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Speaker 1: of it, you're gonna be like, where is that three

350
00:17:47,680 --> 00:17:50,199
Speaker 1: centiment or alan ranch that I just threw away? I

351
00:17:50,240 --> 00:17:51,480
Speaker 1: need one, and I have to go to lows and

352
00:17:51,480 --> 00:17:51,960
Speaker 1: buy one.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, well you could put that in a toolbox like

354
00:17:56,920 --> 00:17:57,640
Speaker 3: just have it's just.

355
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Speaker 1: Like for you're helping me keep stuck.

356
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Speaker 3: Well, you might need that. You might need the Alan rinch.

357
00:18:03,400 --> 00:18:03,760
Speaker 1: Yeah.

358
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Speaker 3: So I think it's just I don't know. It can

359
00:18:06,320 --> 00:18:09,200
Speaker 3: get overwhelming. And but when my house is out of order,

360
00:18:09,200 --> 00:18:11,920
Speaker 3: I feel like your life is getting like sucked out

361
00:18:11,920 --> 00:18:14,560
Speaker 3: of me. Weh're speaking of draining energy. I have the

362
00:18:14,640 --> 00:18:16,600
Speaker 3: six types of people who will.

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00:18:18,000 --> 00:18:18,639
Speaker 1: Suck out of you.

364
00:18:19,400 --> 00:18:22,840
Speaker 3: Yeah, what do they call those? Energy vampires? Drain it

365
00:18:22,920 --> 00:18:26,720
Speaker 3: right out of you? The constant critic, the chronic victim,

366
00:18:27,200 --> 00:18:32,399
Speaker 3: the emotional dumper, the competitor, the fake supporter, and the

367
00:18:32,400 --> 00:18:33,120
Speaker 3: guilt tripper.

368
00:18:33,560 --> 00:18:35,639
Speaker 1: Wait, are we gonna look and see if we're one

369
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Speaker 1: of these?

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00:18:36,240 --> 00:18:38,120
Speaker 3: Well, I can go through them all in a little

371
00:18:38,160 --> 00:18:41,520
Speaker 3: more detail. Like the constant critic, nothing is ever good enough.

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00:18:42,680 --> 00:18:45,879
Speaker 3: So if you have a critic like that in your life,

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Speaker 3: you should stop seeking their approval because it's not available,

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00:18:50,840 --> 00:18:52,720
Speaker 3: and it hasn't been and it likely will not be.

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Speaker 3: So just know, like, Okay, this is who they are.

376
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Speaker 1: So don't go to them for these things.

377
00:19:00,040 --> 00:19:04,080
Speaker 3: Victim life is always happening to them. You can empathize

378
00:19:04,119 --> 00:19:07,320
Speaker 3: once or twice, and then if you start to see

379
00:19:07,320 --> 00:19:11,359
Speaker 3: the pattern, they're like, okay, this is just selling or

380
00:19:11,440 --> 00:19:14,320
Speaker 3: you don't have to like play into it every time.

381
00:19:14,359 --> 00:19:17,240
Speaker 1: They are also the people that you might want to

382
00:19:17,280 --> 00:19:19,840
Speaker 1: rescue and find solutions for what they don't want solutions.

383
00:19:19,840 --> 00:19:23,119
Speaker 1: So that's really what drains a lot of your energy.

384
00:19:22,119 --> 00:19:25,800
Speaker 1: I want to help you, so I'm giving you all

385
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Speaker 1: these ideas or whatever, but they want to be they

386
00:19:28,920 --> 00:19:31,399
Speaker 1: want to stay there, so that is really can be

387
00:19:31,440 --> 00:19:37,080
Speaker 1: frustrating for sure. That's one that I actually, I'm sure

388
00:19:37,080 --> 00:19:39,560
Speaker 1: we all play the victim at certain times. We all

389
00:19:39,640 --> 00:19:43,160
Speaker 1: do that, but I know we've only gone through too.

390
00:19:43,160 --> 00:19:45,000
Speaker 1: But I really don't want to be that one.

391
00:19:46,080 --> 00:19:48,280
Speaker 3: I know I don't either, And I hope if I am,

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00:19:48,440 --> 00:19:51,119
Speaker 3: that a friend would let me know. That would be

393
00:19:51,160 --> 00:19:54,240
Speaker 3: hard or like, hey you are, but I know you're not.

394
00:19:55,000 --> 00:19:57,120
Speaker 3: It's a fine line. If you have a trusted friend

395
00:19:57,119 --> 00:19:58,520
Speaker 3: that maybe if you know you tend to go to

396
00:19:58,600 --> 00:20:00,800
Speaker 3: victim mode. Quick, you could maybe ask a friend like, hey,

397
00:20:01,080 --> 00:20:03,359
Speaker 3: I realized this about me that I tend to shift

398
00:20:03,359 --> 00:20:03,840
Speaker 3: to victim.

399
00:20:04,680 --> 00:20:06,879
Speaker 1: Yeah, recently I asked lot. I told you, I was like,

400
00:20:06,920 --> 00:20:08,600
Speaker 1: I'm trying to be more positive. I feel like I'm

401
00:20:08,600 --> 00:20:13,119
Speaker 1: always like complaining about things. How have I been pretty good? Okay?

402
00:20:13,320 --> 00:20:15,120
Speaker 3: I mean, you don't like where I put my chairs.

403
00:20:14,840 --> 00:20:18,679
Speaker 1: But that wasn't me like complaining about Like I'm just

404
00:20:18,760 --> 00:20:23,760
Speaker 1: joking and the chairs can't stay there, I.

405
00:20:23,720 --> 00:20:25,440
Speaker 3: Know, but I do like how I could swirl around

406
00:20:25,440 --> 00:20:25,840
Speaker 3: in them.

407
00:20:25,920 --> 00:20:27,440
Speaker 1: Right, but they're right under the TV.

408
00:20:28,320 --> 00:20:30,360
Speaker 3: Would have to live at the right by the fireplace.

409
00:20:31,040 --> 00:20:33,200
Speaker 3: So I know it's summer and we're not building a fire.

410
00:20:33,359 --> 00:20:35,600
Speaker 1: What do you do more often? Stare at the fireplace

411
00:20:35,680 --> 00:20:36,320
Speaker 1: or watch TV?

412
00:20:36,920 --> 00:20:39,480
Speaker 3: Yeah, they're not staying there, don't worry. Okay, just letting

413
00:20:39,480 --> 00:20:42,520
Speaker 3: you know. I liked being able to spin around them,

414
00:20:42,560 --> 00:20:45,439
Speaker 3: Like I said, Uh, what did they say with people

415
00:20:45,480 --> 00:20:49,920
Speaker 3: that go to victim out a lot? They speak victim means.

416
00:20:50,760 --> 00:20:52,920
Speaker 1: I've never heard that? Does that what the people say?

417
00:20:53,080 --> 00:20:55,640
Speaker 3: That's what I've heard. I don't know if there's anything

418
00:20:56,640 --> 00:21:01,359
Speaker 3: victimies like sensitive about that VIC Yeah, like a language

419
00:21:01,359 --> 00:21:03,960
Speaker 3: you speak their own language. You speak like victim these

420
00:21:04,280 --> 00:21:07,199
Speaker 3: like every time they talk, they're the victim.

421
00:21:07,480 --> 00:21:09,879
Speaker 1: What would be intensive.

422
00:21:09,200 --> 00:21:14,640
Speaker 3: I don't know, because it sounded like another language, Vietnamese, Chinese,

423
00:21:14,720 --> 00:21:17,920
Speaker 3: but it's not related to that at all. Victim these, Yeah,

424
00:21:17,960 --> 00:21:20,720
Speaker 3: I don't know. I just try to be like, yeah,

425
00:21:21,040 --> 00:21:21,879
Speaker 3: it's really nice of you.

426
00:21:22,280 --> 00:21:24,000
Speaker 1: I think that's okay to say, okay, thank you.

427
00:21:24,160 --> 00:21:24,440
Speaker 2: Yeah.

428
00:21:24,480 --> 00:21:27,320
Speaker 1: I think there's other things that people say, like when

429
00:21:27,320 --> 00:21:29,120
Speaker 1: people speak Christianese or something like that.

430
00:21:29,160 --> 00:21:31,719
Speaker 3: There you go, yeah, see, okay, thank you.

431
00:21:32,359 --> 00:21:33,679
Speaker 1: But I haven't heard victimies.

432
00:21:34,960 --> 00:21:40,840
Speaker 3: Victimies, uh. The emotional dumper, always in crisis, always an

433
00:21:40,840 --> 00:21:45,480
Speaker 3: emergency happening. You can care for them without carrying the

434
00:21:45,720 --> 00:21:51,120
Speaker 3: entire weight. The competitor. Your wins are threats, not celebrations.

435
00:21:51,119 --> 00:21:53,560
Speaker 3: Stop sharing your wins with people who treat them as threats.

436
00:21:54,760 --> 00:21:58,760
Speaker 3: The fake supporter. They cheer so loud for you in public,

437
00:21:59,000 --> 00:22:02,640
Speaker 3: but sabotage quite in private. Watch people do when your

438
00:22:02,640 --> 00:22:05,080
Speaker 3: back is turned. Why are you making that face?

439
00:22:05,160 --> 00:22:10,120
Speaker 1: Because this sounds like this list. I'm just like, oh, like, yes,

440
00:22:10,160 --> 00:22:14,960
Speaker 1: these people exist, but it just sounds so harsh. I know.

441
00:22:16,280 --> 00:22:19,560
Speaker 3: The guilt tripper. This is the last one. Everything somehow

442
00:22:19,600 --> 00:22:23,960
Speaker 3: becomes your faults. Their feelings are there are theirs to carry,

443
00:22:24,080 --> 00:22:27,320
Speaker 3: so you need to let them do that. And you

444
00:22:27,320 --> 00:22:28,679
Speaker 3: know what I think about with some of these people,

445
00:22:28,720 --> 00:22:32,760
Speaker 3: like I, I don't know why I can't speak.

446
00:22:32,920 --> 00:22:34,720
Speaker 1: I just relax, Maybe you'll be able to.

447
00:22:35,960 --> 00:22:40,040
Speaker 3: I instantly think of friendships. But you know there are

448
00:22:40,080 --> 00:22:44,320
Speaker 3: people where this is a mom, this is a dad,

449
00:22:44,720 --> 00:22:47,800
Speaker 3: this is a sibling, Yeah, this is a spouse.

450
00:22:48,080 --> 00:22:53,160
Speaker 1: I was thinking more coworkers, m like or a yeah,

451
00:22:53,160 --> 00:22:53,880
Speaker 1: a colleague or.

452
00:22:53,920 --> 00:22:56,560
Speaker 3: Maybe someone are a little more distant. But some people

453
00:22:56,680 --> 00:22:57,480
Speaker 3: have to live.

454
00:22:57,480 --> 00:23:00,800
Speaker 1: This is their mother. Yes, yeah, I was talking about

455
00:23:00,800 --> 00:23:04,960
Speaker 1: this with a friend who had somebody in her life

456
00:23:05,760 --> 00:23:10,080
Speaker 1: that it's like a mom daughter relationship that it feels

457
00:23:10,119 --> 00:23:14,520
Speaker 1: like they're living their life through their children. So there's

458
00:23:14,560 --> 00:23:18,480
Speaker 1: a lot of the like yeah, the competition and also

459
00:23:18,560 --> 00:23:24,440
Speaker 1: emotional dumping dumping. So yeah, it's easier if it's a friend. Yeah,

460
00:23:24,640 --> 00:23:27,639
Speaker 1: because I had to cut, I can create some boundaries

461
00:23:28,280 --> 00:23:30,520
Speaker 1: and I can separate myself. It's honestly easier if it's

462
00:23:30,560 --> 00:23:32,639
Speaker 1: a coworker, I might not work at this job forever.

463
00:23:32,720 --> 00:23:37,199
Speaker 1: But if it's a mom or sister and there, you

464
00:23:37,200 --> 00:23:40,360
Speaker 1: don't want to sever that relationship. Then it's like, how

465
00:23:40,359 --> 00:23:41,919
Speaker 1: do I learn how to live with these people in

466
00:23:41,960 --> 00:23:42,480
Speaker 1: my life?

467
00:23:42,560 --> 00:23:44,520
Speaker 3: Well, and that's when we pick up, like if you

468
00:23:44,600 --> 00:23:46,919
Speaker 3: have been around it a lot, we pick up different

469
00:23:46,920 --> 00:23:50,120
Speaker 3: behaviors that seem sort of normal, but then they are

470
00:23:50,200 --> 00:23:56,400
Speaker 3: actually survival strategies for us. And some of those behaviors

471
00:23:56,600 --> 00:23:59,960
Speaker 3: that may see normal and again these are actually can

472
00:24:00,200 --> 00:24:02,359
Speaker 3: normal behaviors. Some of the stuff I'm going to list

473
00:24:02,440 --> 00:24:04,800
Speaker 3: you might do and it doesn't mean that this is

474
00:24:04,800 --> 00:24:05,639
Speaker 3: a survival strategy.

475
00:24:05,720 --> 00:24:09,680
Speaker 1: Doesn't mean that your mom is a competitor, right, or a.

476
00:24:09,640 --> 00:24:16,919
Speaker 3: Guilt tripper or chronic victimhood in your house, being easy

477
00:24:16,960 --> 00:24:21,040
Speaker 3: going all the time someone that might be their survival strategy,

478
00:24:21,520 --> 00:24:24,680
Speaker 3: so they don't ever speak up and say what they

479
00:24:25,520 --> 00:24:29,160
Speaker 3: want to do, or they share their side of things

480
00:24:29,880 --> 00:24:35,840
Speaker 3: over apologizing, always being the peacemaker, over explaining yourself. That's

481
00:24:35,840 --> 00:24:39,680
Speaker 3: something that I used to do a lot, but I've

482
00:24:39,720 --> 00:24:43,879
Speaker 3: worked on it. Brushing off compliments, never asking for help,

483
00:24:44,000 --> 00:24:50,160
Speaker 3: avoiding confrontation, struggling to make decisions, reading people's mood before speaking,

484
00:24:50,920 --> 00:24:55,320
Speaker 3: laughing off hurtful comments, feeling anxious when things feel too good,

485
00:24:56,119 --> 00:25:00,760
Speaker 3: and replaying conversations in your head. Those behaviors can be

486
00:25:00,880 --> 00:25:04,000
Speaker 3: very normal, and also they can be survival strategy and.

487
00:25:03,960 --> 00:25:06,399
Speaker 1: Get in the way this. As you started reading this,

488
00:25:06,600 --> 00:25:09,479
Speaker 1: I started thinking about the enneagram because I was just

489
00:25:09,640 --> 00:25:13,280
Speaker 1: thinking about I think I'm a seven.

490
00:25:13,680 --> 00:25:16,160
Speaker 3: You're a seven, right, I feel like I are. You're

491
00:25:16,200 --> 00:25:16,920
Speaker 3: such a good time.

492
00:25:17,440 --> 00:25:18,720
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, that's so nice.

493
00:25:18,840 --> 00:25:20,600
Speaker 3: Yeah, and you're looking forward to a good time.

494
00:25:21,320 --> 00:25:24,000
Speaker 1: Well, I think I'm a seven. But there sometimes I'm like,

495
00:25:25,840 --> 00:25:28,640
Speaker 1: my fear is everybody not everybody. A lot of people

496
00:25:28,720 --> 00:25:30,560
Speaker 1: want to be a seven. So I'm like, I hope

497
00:25:30,560 --> 00:25:33,119
Speaker 1: that I really am and I am not just like

498
00:25:35,080 --> 00:25:36,639
Speaker 1: agreeing to these things. And I'm like, yeah, being the

499
00:25:36,680 --> 00:25:39,639
Speaker 1: seven is kind of sick, you know, because there's also

500
00:25:39,720 --> 00:25:42,640
Speaker 1: other like I resonate with a sex a lot, which

501
00:25:42,680 --> 00:25:44,280
Speaker 1: I just say I'm a seven wing six, and I

502
00:25:44,320 --> 00:25:45,960
Speaker 1: resonate with an eight a lot.

503
00:25:47,240 --> 00:25:47,720
Speaker 3: Yeah, you know.

504
00:25:48,880 --> 00:25:51,520
Speaker 1: Anyway, may bringing that up is because as you're talking

505
00:25:51,600 --> 00:25:55,160
Speaker 1: about this, especially like the first one being really easy

506
00:25:55,200 --> 00:25:57,520
Speaker 1: going all the time reminds me of a nine, which

507
00:25:57,560 --> 00:25:58,480
Speaker 1: they're the peacemaker.

508
00:25:58,720 --> 00:26:01,359
Speaker 3: My sister is a nine and some of hers is

509
00:26:01,440 --> 00:26:02,879
Speaker 3: a survival strategy.

510
00:26:02,840 --> 00:26:06,160
Speaker 1: Yeah, and so there's these like what what you have to.

511
00:26:06,119 --> 00:26:09,920
Speaker 3: Carring up all my sisters stuff. Sorry, hey Christy, you

512
00:26:10,000 --> 00:26:13,520
Speaker 3: and your sister need to talk. No, she would say,

513
00:26:13,600 --> 00:26:14,560
Speaker 3: she would say any of this.

514
00:26:15,040 --> 00:26:20,919
Speaker 1: But the the nine is a peacemaker and how you

515
00:26:20,960 --> 00:26:23,080
Speaker 1: how you develop? If you're not familiar with aneagram, it's

516
00:26:23,119 --> 00:26:26,120
Speaker 1: just like a personality typing system. It's very helpful. It's

517
00:26:26,200 --> 00:26:26,840
Speaker 1: very interesting.

518
00:26:27,760 --> 00:26:31,640
Speaker 3: Uh you say it, well, I should have thought about

519
00:26:31,640 --> 00:26:33,520
Speaker 3: how because she's so easy going.

520
00:26:33,840 --> 00:26:34,960
Speaker 1: You bring up your sister again.

521
00:26:35,160 --> 00:26:37,800
Speaker 3: Well, because when you say that, I'm like, okay, Yeah,

522
00:26:37,840 --> 00:26:40,840
Speaker 3: she's a peacemaker and she's so easy going, and I

523
00:26:40,880 --> 00:26:43,960
Speaker 3: think that's why she measures the freaking curtains.

524
00:26:44,160 --> 00:26:47,120
Speaker 1: Oh, it's where she can want life.

525
00:26:47,400 --> 00:26:50,480
Speaker 3: No, with like all the situations, she keeps quiet. So

526
00:26:50,600 --> 00:26:53,359
Speaker 3: she's going to go over and measure the curtain to

527
00:26:53,400 --> 00:26:54,840
Speaker 3: the couch to make sure the couch is in the

528
00:26:54,880 --> 00:26:56,440
Speaker 3: right spot and the curtains are pulled back to the

529
00:26:56,480 --> 00:26:59,640
Speaker 3: right spot because that part she can control without ruffling anybody.

530
00:26:59,640 --> 00:27:00,080
Speaker 3: Else's that.

531
00:27:01,680 --> 00:27:05,719
Speaker 1: That? Yeah, that's her own stuff versus that impacts you're

532
00:27:06,280 --> 00:27:08,320
Speaker 1: picking up all Yeah, what.

533
00:27:08,359 --> 00:27:11,159
Speaker 3: Have you do? Is that?

534
00:27:11,200 --> 00:27:15,160
Speaker 1: What the is that? The fingers they do? Clocket, that's

535
00:27:15,160 --> 00:27:16,680
Speaker 1: what it is? Oh? What finger?

536
00:27:17,160 --> 00:27:24,120
Speaker 3: I don't know. Maybe sorry, I only know cool things

537
00:27:24,119 --> 00:27:27,159
Speaker 3: from nineteen ninety four, but I think in twenty twenty

538
00:27:27,200 --> 00:27:28,280
Speaker 3: six they're saying.

539
00:27:28,080 --> 00:27:30,720
Speaker 1: What finger is it is it? It's in that it's

540
00:27:30,720 --> 00:27:38,000
Speaker 1: this one that you were doing it right clockett Okay, cool, Okay,

541
00:27:38,080 --> 00:27:42,119
Speaker 1: back to what I was saying, okayet it. How you

542
00:27:42,200 --> 00:27:47,000
Speaker 1: develop your type is like how your personality develops is

543
00:27:47,080 --> 00:27:50,040
Speaker 1: based on one part of it's your temperament. You're born

544
00:27:50,080 --> 00:27:52,879
Speaker 1: with some some parts of yourself that are innate, but

545
00:27:52,960 --> 00:27:55,880
Speaker 1: then your environment. And so I'm reacting to the environment,

546
00:27:55,920 --> 00:27:58,359
Speaker 1: and these are the things that help I develop these

547
00:27:58,440 --> 00:28:01,360
Speaker 1: traits in order to survey in the world and get

548
00:28:01,359 --> 00:28:05,959
Speaker 1: through the world. Some of those traits are great and

549
00:28:06,119 --> 00:28:09,639
Speaker 1: they're going to be part of your personality forever and

550
00:28:09,680 --> 00:28:12,280
Speaker 1: they're wonderful. Part of those traits get in the way,

551
00:28:12,280 --> 00:28:13,840
Speaker 1: and so when you said, like some of these things

552
00:28:13,840 --> 00:28:16,679
Speaker 1: can be normal too, it doesn't mean anything. Well, some

553
00:28:16,760 --> 00:28:19,800
Speaker 1: of these traits also don't need to be shifted. So

554
00:28:19,880 --> 00:28:22,080
Speaker 1: I think when we think about a lot of times,

555
00:28:22,080 --> 00:28:24,159
Speaker 1: when you think about this is why I am the

556
00:28:24,200 --> 00:28:26,719
Speaker 1: way I am, it feels like if it what if

557
00:28:26,760 --> 00:28:31,199
Speaker 1: it started? Because of you know, they're being chaos in

558
00:28:31,200 --> 00:28:33,600
Speaker 1: my family, well, then I must I need to change

559
00:28:33,640 --> 00:28:36,679
Speaker 1: that because it started because of something not great, but

560
00:28:36,760 --> 00:28:39,680
Speaker 1: not necessarily some of those things might be working for you.

561
00:28:39,800 --> 00:28:43,520
Speaker 1: It's only if those things are impacting the quality of

562
00:28:43,520 --> 00:28:45,560
Speaker 1: your life and your relationships do we really need to

563
00:28:45,560 --> 00:28:48,880
Speaker 1: shift them? And I say that because I think sometimes

564
00:28:48,920 --> 00:28:50,880
Speaker 1: we get too hard on ourselves and we want to

565
00:28:50,920 --> 00:28:53,520
Speaker 1: like better ourselves and continue to change. And if I

566
00:28:53,520 --> 00:28:55,160
Speaker 1: have these traits, I need to shift them, and I

567
00:28:55,200 --> 00:28:58,320
Speaker 1: need to be my best self. And sometimes well no,

568
00:28:58,480 --> 00:29:01,680
Speaker 1: all the times our best selves include things that aren't perfect,

569
00:29:01,800 --> 00:29:04,520
Speaker 1: our little quirks, and the way we get it it

570
00:29:04,520 --> 00:29:07,880
Speaker 1: makes us who we are. So Yes, if your sister

571
00:29:08,120 --> 00:29:10,560
Speaker 1: is not able to communicate with people and she is

572
00:29:10,560 --> 00:29:13,120
Speaker 1: not able to get her needs met because she's being

573
00:29:13,160 --> 00:29:17,400
Speaker 1: a peacemaker, and that's then why she's measuring curtains. I

574
00:29:17,440 --> 00:29:19,440
Speaker 1: want her to look at that stuff. But if she

575
00:29:19,640 --> 00:29:21,920
Speaker 1: just measured, if the measuring and the curtains isn't really

576
00:29:21,960 --> 00:29:26,000
Speaker 1: impacting her life in a negative way, then like go off,

577
00:29:26,920 --> 00:29:28,520
Speaker 1: you know, clock it.

578
00:29:28,880 --> 00:29:32,600
Speaker 3: Clock it, p sure the curtains. Well, my over explaining,

579
00:29:32,680 --> 00:29:34,760
Speaker 3: I can't remember what my therapist said that was about me.

580
00:29:34,840 --> 00:29:35,200
Speaker 1: I can't.

581
00:29:35,720 --> 00:29:37,960
Speaker 3: I was been sitting here trying to think of the

582
00:29:38,040 --> 00:29:44,040
Speaker 3: root of way that's understood from huh. Possibly, I think

583
00:29:44,080 --> 00:29:45,640
Speaker 3: there was a little more to it, but I but

584
00:29:45,720 --> 00:29:47,800
Speaker 3: I realized what I'm doing, and I try to dial back,

585
00:29:47,880 --> 00:29:50,720
Speaker 3: like I'll type something out if I'm texting someone, and

586
00:29:50,720 --> 00:29:53,000
Speaker 3: I'll be like, Okay, are all of these worts necessary?

587
00:29:53,160 --> 00:29:55,640
Speaker 3: Like I don't think I need to do all of this,

588
00:29:56,000 --> 00:29:58,520
Speaker 3: so I'll shorten it and dial it back.

589
00:29:58,880 --> 00:30:02,000
Speaker 1: And it gives you somethingnxiety about, like you can't you

590
00:30:02,080 --> 00:30:04,720
Speaker 1: almost can't like say what you want to say because

591
00:30:04,720 --> 00:30:06,880
Speaker 1: you're so worried about how they're going to interpret it.

592
00:30:07,360 --> 00:30:10,080
Speaker 1: So that impacts you. But if you I.

593
00:30:10,040 --> 00:30:12,600
Speaker 3: Think, well you finished your thought.

594
00:30:12,800 --> 00:30:14,560
Speaker 1: Oh no, did you agree with what I said?

595
00:30:14,640 --> 00:30:16,160
Speaker 3: Or yes, I agree with what you said. And then

596
00:30:16,160 --> 00:30:17,960
Speaker 3: I had a thought of what my therapist said because

597
00:30:18,000 --> 00:30:19,959
Speaker 3: I just came. I've been trying to remember, and I

598
00:30:20,000 --> 00:30:28,040
Speaker 3: know she said something about me wanting to control outcomes. Yeah,

599
00:30:28,720 --> 00:30:34,280
Speaker 3: and if I over explain, that helps me control how

600
00:30:34,360 --> 00:30:36,280
Speaker 3: the outcome and how I'm received and how the other

601
00:30:36,320 --> 00:30:40,280
Speaker 3: person is going to respond instead of surrendering that to

602
00:30:40,360 --> 00:30:43,080
Speaker 3: the other person. So some of that was some codependent behavior,

603
00:30:43,120 --> 00:30:51,040
Speaker 3: but I wasn't okay with just like not knowing how

604
00:30:51,080 --> 00:30:53,280
Speaker 3: someone might receive something. I want to make sure they

605
00:30:53,320 --> 00:30:56,360
Speaker 3: had all of the details so they could know exactly

606
00:30:56,400 --> 00:31:14,959
Speaker 3: where I'm coming from. And it's like that's exhaust.

607
00:31:10,960 --> 00:31:14,000
Speaker 1: Remember when we worked on the clearest kind and we

608
00:31:14,040 --> 00:31:17,560
Speaker 1: can just make it short and sweet and that st

609
00:31:19,240 --> 00:31:23,280
Speaker 1: and as you've done that, not everybody has received exactly

610
00:31:23,280 --> 00:31:27,400
Speaker 1: what you want them to receive. But you're saving yourself.

611
00:31:27,880 --> 00:31:30,120
Speaker 3: Yes, well, and it's not always. I mean there's sometimes

612
00:31:30,160 --> 00:31:32,520
Speaker 3: where it's like there's conflict and that needs to be done,

613
00:31:32,880 --> 00:31:35,040
Speaker 3: but sometimes it might just be in like a simple

614
00:31:35,040 --> 00:31:38,960
Speaker 3: explanation to you where you've even noticed like that I've

615
00:31:38,960 --> 00:31:42,520
Speaker 3: gotten better at it or I don't know, you correct

616
00:31:42,520 --> 00:31:45,200
Speaker 3: me if I'm wrong, but maybe you've called me out

617
00:31:45,320 --> 00:31:48,600
Speaker 3: like well you did you need to say all of that,

618
00:31:49,000 --> 00:31:51,000
Speaker 3: or something like you've said.

619
00:31:50,920 --> 00:31:55,000
Speaker 1: Well you still do this sometimes in like what was

620
00:31:55,040 --> 00:31:57,960
Speaker 1: it last week? You texted me all these texts and

621
00:31:58,000 --> 00:31:59,000
Speaker 1: then you were like, never.

622
00:31:58,840 --> 00:32:03,400
Speaker 3: Mind, I processed in real time. Yeah, so it's not

623
00:32:03,480 --> 00:32:07,160
Speaker 3: that I over I didn't over I didn't see like

624
00:32:07,200 --> 00:32:10,440
Speaker 3: a whole paragraph of like all these random thoughts. Is

625
00:32:10,560 --> 00:32:12,960
Speaker 3: I I texted you too quickly.

626
00:32:13,160 --> 00:32:13,920
Speaker 1: What was it about?

627
00:32:14,680 --> 00:32:18,800
Speaker 3: About a video? And I sent you like a sentence

628
00:32:18,840 --> 00:32:21,040
Speaker 3: or two, and then I sent another sentence and then

629
00:32:21,080 --> 00:32:23,920
Speaker 3: I was like, okay, wait, never mind, it's actually really good.

630
00:32:24,120 --> 00:32:26,200
Speaker 3: And then I was like, the more that I think

631
00:32:26,240 --> 00:32:29,320
Speaker 3: about it, ignore me. And so I what I wish

632
00:32:29,440 --> 00:32:31,280
Speaker 3: is that I just would have been more patient and

633
00:32:31,360 --> 00:32:33,760
Speaker 3: not sent that right away. So that wasn't really me

634
00:32:33,840 --> 00:32:37,040
Speaker 3: over explaining, but it was me in real time catching myself.

635
00:32:37,560 --> 00:32:40,000
Speaker 1: But I didn't. I didn't get to the text and.

636
00:32:41,880 --> 00:32:45,360
Speaker 3: Oh I saw the processing of like me being like, oh,

637
00:32:45,520 --> 00:32:47,600
Speaker 3: this might need to change, da da da, and then

638
00:32:47,880 --> 00:32:51,280
Speaker 3: it's like never mind los large.

639
00:32:51,280 --> 00:32:53,680
Speaker 1: Well, I think it was because I did. We had

640
00:32:53,760 --> 00:32:55,480
Speaker 1: agreed on something that I changed it.

641
00:32:55,920 --> 00:32:57,240
Speaker 3: Yeah, and you threw me off.

642
00:32:57,280 --> 00:33:00,400
Speaker 1: Yes, and you were like because that wasn't even an option,

643
00:33:02,560 --> 00:33:03,520
Speaker 1: But that's.

644
00:33:03,360 --> 00:33:05,480
Speaker 3: Not how much that's so funny because it was on

645
00:33:05,520 --> 00:33:08,160
Speaker 3: text and written and you just set it back. That

646
00:33:08,240 --> 00:33:11,239
Speaker 3: wasn't even an option, and that's not how I texted it.

647
00:33:11,320 --> 00:33:13,440
Speaker 1: That's like my.

648
00:33:13,400 --> 00:33:16,600
Speaker 3: Tone was like I'm like, oh, oh that that wasn't

649
00:33:16,600 --> 00:33:19,640
Speaker 3: even an option, But you know, do you still.

650
00:33:19,560 --> 00:33:21,080
Speaker 1: Like I thought we agreed on this and that wasn't

651
00:33:21,120 --> 00:33:26,720
Speaker 1: even an option, just confused, yeah, kindness, confusing kindness.

652
00:33:27,160 --> 00:33:30,680
Speaker 3: And then turns out, after I took a beat and

653
00:33:30,800 --> 00:33:35,719
Speaker 3: clocked it and I relaxed a little bit, I was like, oh, yeah,

654
00:33:35,760 --> 00:33:38,760
Speaker 3: this is actually better. So it probably wasn't an option

655
00:33:38,760 --> 00:33:40,400
Speaker 3: because you hadn't thought of that yet and it was

656
00:33:40,440 --> 00:33:44,720
Speaker 3: the best option. See, and you also have creative control

657
00:33:44,880 --> 00:33:48,960
Speaker 3: to do that, Like I was in a what you do?

658
00:33:49,760 --> 00:33:53,640
Speaker 1: Thank you well. Sometimes we have different Me and Amy

659
00:33:53,680 --> 00:33:58,360
Speaker 1: have different strengths. Yeah, and I'm the first to say

660
00:33:58,600 --> 00:34:01,680
Speaker 1: my strength is not mark. My strength is not I

661
00:34:01,720 --> 00:34:03,160
Speaker 1: don't think my strength is creativity.

662
00:34:03,680 --> 00:34:05,120
Speaker 3: Oh, I think you're creative.

663
00:34:05,160 --> 00:34:07,480
Speaker 1: I don't think my strength in different ways. Okay, my

664
00:34:07,520 --> 00:34:11,920
Speaker 1: strength is not knowing what will do well on social media.

665
00:34:12,000 --> 00:34:15,399
Speaker 1: My strength is I can do something. I can get

666
00:34:15,440 --> 00:34:19,160
Speaker 1: something done, and I cannot overthink something like that. But

667
00:34:19,200 --> 00:34:21,319
Speaker 1: because you have a lot of information and you're better

668
00:34:21,400 --> 00:34:24,080
Speaker 1: at that stuff, you overthink more where I'm like, this

669
00:34:24,239 --> 00:34:25,040
Speaker 1: is fine.

670
00:34:25,680 --> 00:34:27,640
Speaker 3: Well, thank you for the compliment that I don't think

671
00:34:27,680 --> 00:34:30,360
Speaker 3: I'm better at that. And I think it's a everyone

672
00:34:30,440 --> 00:34:34,160
Speaker 3: out there is just throwing stuff and seeing what sticks.

673
00:34:34,200 --> 00:34:37,600
Speaker 3: Like I don't know that there is a method I

674
00:34:37,640 --> 00:34:40,040
Speaker 3: don't think you give yourself enough credit for knowing what

675
00:34:40,360 --> 00:34:43,520
Speaker 3: is a good clip to pull or not a little No,

676
00:34:43,640 --> 00:34:45,719
Speaker 3: I just think that maybe you need encouragement to know that.

677
00:34:46,000 --> 00:34:46,959
Speaker 1: Like you.

678
00:34:48,920 --> 00:34:51,840
Speaker 3: Mostly pick all of our clips and they do well,

679
00:34:52,400 --> 00:34:55,040
Speaker 3: So I want you to acknowledge that. I would say

680
00:34:56,360 --> 00:34:59,320
Speaker 3: ninety nine percent of our clips are ones you've watched

681
00:34:59,360 --> 00:35:01,480
Speaker 3: and been like, Okay, I'm going to clip that, not

682
00:35:01,560 --> 00:35:05,120
Speaker 3: clock it, clip it, clip it, clip it's you.

683
00:35:05,400 --> 00:35:08,840
Speaker 1: Yeah, I know. Thanks. I didn't really say that to

684
00:35:08,880 --> 00:35:10,719
Speaker 1: get a compliment. I was really saying, like, we have

685
00:35:10,760 --> 00:35:14,799
Speaker 1: different strengths, and so sometimes when we're communicating, stuff like

686
00:35:14,840 --> 00:35:18,680
Speaker 1: that happens because I usually rely on you to do

687
00:35:18,719 --> 00:35:20,280
Speaker 1: what I had done on my own, and it probably

688
00:35:20,280 --> 00:35:20,759
Speaker 1: shocked you.

689
00:35:21,000 --> 00:35:22,799
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think that's all it was.

690
00:35:22,920 --> 00:35:24,600
Speaker 1: Yeah, anyway, we're still friends.

691
00:35:24,800 --> 00:35:28,400
Speaker 3: We're still friends. Were a little inside baseball there for people.

692
00:35:29,040 --> 00:35:32,279
Speaker 3: You're gonna love this because this is just for you,

693
00:35:32,360 --> 00:35:34,000
Speaker 3: because I know how much you love questions that don't

694
00:35:34,000 --> 00:35:37,120
Speaker 3: come up. Which is a segment you came up with.

695
00:35:37,920 --> 00:35:40,040
Speaker 1: Yes, I love when you have a question that doesn't

696
00:35:40,040 --> 00:35:40,319
Speaker 1: come up.

697
00:35:40,320 --> 00:35:42,320
Speaker 3: I'm ready, No, look at you, segment creator.

698
00:35:43,440 --> 00:35:45,520
Speaker 1: Yeah, see what other segments do we have I think

699
00:35:45,520 --> 00:35:46,440
Speaker 1: that's our only segment.

700
00:35:46,760 --> 00:35:50,160
Speaker 3: No, we have feeling of the day. Oh no, we

701
00:35:50,200 --> 00:35:54,279
Speaker 3: have feeling of the day. We have questions that don't

702
00:35:54,280 --> 00:35:54,759
Speaker 3: come up.

703
00:35:55,600 --> 00:35:58,800
Speaker 1: We we have emails, we used to have emails.

704
00:35:58,920 --> 00:35:59,919
Speaker 3: We have voicemails.

705
00:36:00,040 --> 00:36:02,200
Speaker 1: Yeah, but that's not segments. That's a whole episode.

706
00:36:02,280 --> 00:36:04,600
Speaker 3: Yeah, but do we have other there's no more segments.

707
00:36:05,280 --> 00:36:06,839
Speaker 1: This is something I want to do. This is maybe

708
00:36:06,880 --> 00:36:08,520
Speaker 1: like some homework for us. I want to have more

709
00:36:08,600 --> 00:36:10,640
Speaker 1: like segments. Like maybe it's like.

710
00:36:11,360 --> 00:36:12,880
Speaker 3: In radio we call them benchmarks.

711
00:36:13,080 --> 00:36:16,960
Speaker 1: Okay, well, let's have more benchmarks where it's like every

712
00:36:17,800 --> 00:36:20,360
Speaker 1: I don't know, first of the month, we have a

713
00:36:22,440 --> 00:36:26,239
Speaker 1: science fact. I don't know. I couldn't think of one,

714
00:36:26,280 --> 00:36:28,480
Speaker 1: but like we do something and it's.

715
00:36:28,360 --> 00:36:31,200
Speaker 3: Like, yeah, oh wait, I just saw this text from Chase.

716
00:36:31,800 --> 00:36:35,440
Speaker 3: I'm not sure. I won't speak too soon, but potentially,

717
00:36:35,440 --> 00:36:37,960
Speaker 3: if something goes through that he's working on for us,

718
00:36:38,239 --> 00:36:44,040
Speaker 3: we might have a benchmark like giveaway segment. Yeah, where

719
00:36:45,040 --> 00:36:48,239
Speaker 3: and we're trying to figure out that might be too

720
00:36:48,440 --> 00:36:52,839
Speaker 3: but it might be to teachers, single moms, military, But

721
00:36:52,880 --> 00:36:56,000
Speaker 3: that'll be a potentially an eight week benchmark.

722
00:36:56,520 --> 00:36:57,480
Speaker 1: I have to clog something.

723
00:36:57,640 --> 00:36:58,080
Speaker 3: Clock it.

724
00:37:00,280 --> 00:37:02,320
Speaker 1: Shannon just came up with this. This actually is a

725
00:37:02,360 --> 00:37:03,360
Speaker 1: good idea.

726
00:37:03,719 --> 00:37:05,759
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, well we kind of done it before. I

727
00:37:05,800 --> 00:37:08,560
Speaker 3: just read that she tells you how to done Well,

728
00:37:08,560 --> 00:37:10,920
Speaker 3: we haven't done it. We had it in the newsletter

729
00:37:11,480 --> 00:37:13,799
Speaker 3: and also I had a file for the trademark. So yes,

730
00:37:13,960 --> 00:37:15,920
Speaker 3: we made it as if we have done it before.

731
00:37:16,400 --> 00:37:20,680
Speaker 1: Okay, well I want to do maybe like that could

732
00:37:20,680 --> 00:37:23,239
Speaker 1: be emails that people send in like if you have

733
00:37:23,400 --> 00:37:25,200
Speaker 1: a way we didn't say what it was. If you

734
00:37:25,280 --> 00:37:27,920
Speaker 1: have a way to worry story, a story where you

735
00:37:28,400 --> 00:37:31,760
Speaker 1: really were anxious or kind of were not relaxing about

736
00:37:31,760 --> 00:37:35,120
Speaker 1: something and then it worked out or something like that happened,

737
00:37:35,360 --> 00:37:37,000
Speaker 1: send it to us, and that can be like our

738
00:37:37,400 --> 00:37:41,120
Speaker 1: monthly weaight to worry proof in the perfect and then

739
00:37:41,160 --> 00:37:43,480
Speaker 1: it shows it's other people.

740
00:37:43,719 --> 00:37:48,560
Speaker 3: To worry worse. Yes, yeah, okay, I like it. Good job,

741
00:37:49,239 --> 00:37:52,080
Speaker 3: nice Shannon. Good because especially we did trademark wait to

742
00:37:52,120 --> 00:37:59,520
Speaker 3: Worry as its own little segment or saying saying yeah

743
00:37:59,560 --> 00:38:04,360
Speaker 3: and it's mostly so. My ex boyfriend's dad said that

744
00:38:04,600 --> 00:38:06,560
Speaker 3: to him, and then he said it to me when

745
00:38:06,560 --> 00:38:08,680
Speaker 3: it came to something. And then his dad is a

746
00:38:08,680 --> 00:38:11,960
Speaker 3: trademark lawyer, so he file all the paperwork for us,

747
00:38:11,960 --> 00:38:13,839
Speaker 3: and then we had to do a bunch of things

748
00:38:13,840 --> 00:38:15,399
Speaker 3: with it, and I was like, oh, well, now look

749
00:38:15,440 --> 00:38:17,799
Speaker 3: at us. We're gonna be putting it to use. Wait,

750
00:38:17,920 --> 00:38:19,920
Speaker 3: I like that to Worry segment. And it all just

751
00:38:20,000 --> 00:38:23,840
Speaker 3: poof happened here organically. So we have our weight to

752
00:38:23,840 --> 00:38:27,839
Speaker 3: Worry segment. We may have our giveaway segment coming up.

753
00:38:27,960 --> 00:38:29,279
Speaker 3: We've got our feeling of the day, and we have

754
00:38:29,360 --> 00:38:30,319
Speaker 3: questions that don't come up.

755
00:38:30,719 --> 00:38:33,400
Speaker 1: I'm ready, okay.

756
00:38:33,120 --> 00:38:50,600
Speaker 3: Would you ever wear seaman jewelry? Would you ever wear

757
00:38:51,600 --> 00:38:58,960
Speaker 3: seaman jewelry? No? Do you know what it is?

758
00:39:00,320 --> 00:39:02,520
Speaker 1: My question that doesn't come up is how do you

759
00:39:02,520 --> 00:39:05,160
Speaker 1: make semon jewelry? Like? Is it? I don't is it?

760
00:39:05,280 --> 00:39:05,360
Speaker 3: Like?

761
00:39:06,800 --> 00:39:08,200
Speaker 1: Is it in a capsule?

762
00:39:08,480 --> 00:39:12,200
Speaker 3: So there's this woman. She pops up in my algorithm

763
00:39:13,239 --> 00:39:21,160
Speaker 3: where she makes necklaces and bracelets. She takes the uh

764
00:39:21,640 --> 00:39:26,920
Speaker 3: contribution from the man contribute into a powder. Do you see?

765
00:39:27,239 --> 00:39:28,359
Speaker 1: I wonder how that's done.

766
00:39:30,160 --> 00:39:34,240
Speaker 3: Freeze, dry it maybe or something, and then it's turned

767
00:39:34,320 --> 00:39:37,879
Speaker 3: into a powder and mixed into clay and then she

768
00:39:38,000 --> 00:39:41,399
Speaker 3: forms it into a piece of jewelry. That's watching her

769
00:39:41,440 --> 00:39:42,160
Speaker 3: do it right now.

770
00:39:42,360 --> 00:39:44,279
Speaker 1: Wait, I thought it would the powder will maybe be

771
00:39:44,320 --> 00:39:47,000
Speaker 1: in a capsule. It's like it's touching me her.

772
00:39:47,440 --> 00:39:52,799
Speaker 3: She's trinkets by Amanda Both. In case anybody's interested in

773
00:39:52,840 --> 00:39:57,719
Speaker 3: this first exactly exactly, I'm sorry, I don't know.

774
00:39:58,480 --> 00:39:59,920
Speaker 1: I don't know. Would you wear this?

775
00:40:00,840 --> 00:40:04,799
Speaker 3: No ill, But that's why I was wondering if you would,

776
00:40:04,880 --> 00:40:11,440
Speaker 3: because you get real sentimental, Okay, like Patrick, you would.

777
00:40:11,719 --> 00:40:16,560
Speaker 3: I'm not saving You're obsessed with Patrick Fair.

778
00:40:16,760 --> 00:40:21,520
Speaker 1: I'm obsessed with my husband. I'm not wearing his semen.

779
00:40:23,280 --> 00:40:26,120
Speaker 1: And the fact that you would even consider that I would.

780
00:40:27,560 --> 00:40:33,600
Speaker 1: He's offensive and you are being a fake supporter.

781
00:40:34,320 --> 00:40:34,719
Speaker 3: I don't know.

782
00:40:34,760 --> 00:40:36,680
Speaker 1: I'm trying to fend one of those things in but.

783
00:40:36,719 --> 00:40:39,360
Speaker 3: What there's a fake supporter?

784
00:40:39,680 --> 00:40:41,239
Speaker 1: Well, I was just trying to pick one of those

785
00:40:41,360 --> 00:40:44,200
Speaker 1: sucking things that you were talking about, energy suckers.

786
00:40:44,239 --> 00:40:47,200
Speaker 3: There is a company also in addition to stop it,

787
00:40:47,320 --> 00:40:49,200
Speaker 3: that makes it, that's called Chiselry.

788
00:40:52,160 --> 00:40:56,759
Speaker 1: Is this commedy profitable I don't know, but it must.

789
00:40:56,480 --> 00:40:59,439
Speaker 3: Be in demand enough to where people have.

790
00:40:59,560 --> 00:41:02,799
Speaker 1: There's no there's no stuff. I don't believe that girl.

791
00:41:02,920 --> 00:41:09,959
Speaker 3: There's Jiselry. I mean it must be a thing. There's

792
00:41:10,000 --> 00:41:12,040
Speaker 3: a market. I mean, my mind is blown that women

793
00:41:12,120 --> 00:41:14,080
Speaker 3: are having I'm made out of this.

794
00:41:14,120 --> 00:41:19,440
Speaker 1: But okay, I want to be open, Okay, not for

795
00:41:19,600 --> 00:41:21,360
Speaker 1: I don't want to wear this, but I need to

796
00:41:21,440 --> 00:41:26,040
Speaker 1: know a scenario in which this would be the sentimental

797
00:41:26,040 --> 00:41:27,200
Speaker 1: thing somebody chooses.

798
00:41:29,120 --> 00:41:34,279
Speaker 3: Like maybe maybe they are have testicular cancer and they're

799
00:41:34,280 --> 00:41:34,879
Speaker 3: about to.

800
00:41:34,800 --> 00:41:41,440
Speaker 1: Get there and it's like their last semen there's removed. Okay, okay,

801
00:41:41,640 --> 00:41:43,040
Speaker 1: and so they want to save a little bit of

802
00:41:43,040 --> 00:41:45,280
Speaker 1: the last yes, huhrah.

803
00:41:46,080 --> 00:41:52,000
Speaker 3: Or maybe they are being proactive in case that happens.

804
00:41:53,160 --> 00:41:57,879
Speaker 1: So okay, okay. I I don't can't be that many

805
00:41:57,920 --> 00:41:59,839
Speaker 1: of those people out there though, that want to make

806
00:41:59,880 --> 00:42:00,719
Speaker 1: it into jewelry.

807
00:42:02,880 --> 00:42:08,359
Speaker 3: I don't even have anybody to mean it's expensive too, Yeah,

808
00:42:08,400 --> 00:42:09,839
Speaker 3: well I think it depends on who you go to.

809
00:42:10,120 --> 00:42:14,680
Speaker 3: But yeah, the whole process they are they're handling that

810
00:42:14,800 --> 00:42:17,440
Speaker 3: stuff and then drying it out and then forming it

811
00:42:17,440 --> 00:42:18,960
Speaker 3: into a custom piece of jewelry.

812
00:42:19,000 --> 00:42:22,600
Speaker 1: For you, what's the trajectory to become that person like

813
00:42:22,640 --> 00:42:24,479
Speaker 1: that makes that Like you just start as a normal

814
00:42:24,560 --> 00:42:26,560
Speaker 1: jewelry maker and you're like, I want a niche market

815
00:42:26,600 --> 00:42:31,200
Speaker 1: to drum up business. Yeah, I want to know the

816
00:42:31,239 --> 00:42:33,160
Speaker 1: origin story of these people.

817
00:42:33,480 --> 00:42:37,400
Speaker 3: I mean that there really is a market for everything,

818
00:42:38,000 --> 00:42:39,040
Speaker 3: if you think about it.

819
00:42:40,160 --> 00:42:43,880
Speaker 1: And this is what I have to tell myself. Not

820
00:42:44,040 --> 00:42:46,200
Speaker 1: everything that you see on the internet is working out

821
00:42:46,239 --> 00:42:50,799
Speaker 1: like it looks like it, you know, like like like

822
00:42:50,840 --> 00:42:53,160
Speaker 1: the businesses, Yeah, like how many how many orders did

823
00:42:53,200 --> 00:42:55,400
Speaker 1: she get a day? Not that I want to wish

824
00:42:55,440 --> 00:42:57,160
Speaker 1: bad business on her. I hope that she is.

825
00:42:57,400 --> 00:42:59,960
Speaker 3: She might make other types of jewelry too.

826
00:43:00,160 --> 00:43:00,640
Speaker 1: This is just.

827
00:43:02,280 --> 00:43:06,680
Speaker 3: Well, they have a whole system. You can pick your piece,

828
00:43:07,040 --> 00:43:10,080
Speaker 3: receive your collection kit, make your contribution, you send it

829
00:43:10,120 --> 00:43:12,880
Speaker 3: back and then they work the magic according to their.

830
00:43:14,200 --> 00:43:24,120
Speaker 1: What what would you do if for an anniversary, Valentine's Day, Christmas?

831
00:43:24,200 --> 00:43:27,160
Speaker 1: What have you you got a piece of jizzelry?

832
00:43:30,960 --> 00:43:33,360
Speaker 3: I can't decide if I would be cute out or

833
00:43:33,400 --> 00:43:34,800
Speaker 3: it be hilarious.

834
00:43:35,040 --> 00:43:36,480
Speaker 1: What if it was cute, would you wear it?

835
00:43:37,440 --> 00:43:40,480
Speaker 3: I mean maybe maybe? Now you're talking like if if

836
00:43:40,600 --> 00:43:44,200
Speaker 3: if I was dating somebody or my husband whatever gave

837
00:43:44,280 --> 00:43:46,000
Speaker 3: me that, I would think I would need to know

838
00:43:46,040 --> 00:43:49,920
Speaker 3: his intents, like if it was to be hilarious, like

839
00:43:50,000 --> 00:43:51,520
Speaker 3: that could be kind of funny.

840
00:43:51,280 --> 00:43:53,400
Speaker 1: And then you would wear it. Yeah, And people are

841
00:43:53,400 --> 00:43:54,560
Speaker 1: like where did you get that?

842
00:43:54,640 --> 00:43:55,239
Speaker 3: And I'd be like.

843
00:43:56,760 --> 00:43:57,440
Speaker 1: Read dot com.

844
00:43:57,480 --> 00:43:59,840
Speaker 3: We have to stop saying that. I feel like people

845
00:43:59,840 --> 00:44:01,120
Speaker 3: are gonna be like gagging.

846
00:44:01,440 --> 00:44:06,560
Speaker 5: But I I think I would be okay, what if

847
00:44:06,560 --> 00:44:09,759
Speaker 5: he but if he was serious and it was some

848
00:44:09,840 --> 00:44:12,879
Speaker 5: sort of like marking my territory thing, that would be weird.

849
00:44:13,480 --> 00:44:16,000
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I guess if it was a joke. But

850
00:44:16,040 --> 00:44:19,560
Speaker 1: also is it from the prices that I'm it's extensive joke?

851
00:44:20,480 --> 00:44:22,760
Speaker 1: I beg you we could have gotten something else.

852
00:44:22,840 --> 00:44:25,240
Speaker 3: Yeah, like you could have bought me something like really nice,

853
00:44:25,840 --> 00:44:28,600
Speaker 3: which speaking of having a partner and being in relationships,

854
00:44:28,719 --> 00:44:31,239
Speaker 3: like I don't have anybody that's going to be giving

855
00:44:31,320 --> 00:44:33,319
Speaker 3: me this jewelry. So we're good. But you also were

856
00:44:33,320 --> 00:44:35,759
Speaker 3: telling me before we sat down to record that there's

857
00:44:35,800 --> 00:44:38,520
Speaker 3: a crush recession and I don't know what that means.

858
00:44:38,960 --> 00:44:43,640
Speaker 1: Well, yeah, we talked about this a little bit months ago,

859
00:44:43,680 --> 00:44:48,000
Speaker 1: maybe with dating app fatigue that was happening. Yeah, and

860
00:44:48,040 --> 00:44:50,960
Speaker 1: now I saw this new term. Apparently people are saying

861
00:44:51,000 --> 00:44:54,640
Speaker 1: this like online the maybe it's the kids that are

862
00:44:54,640 --> 00:44:57,880
Speaker 1: saying chill. The kids aren't saying chocks, no, saying clockett.

863
00:44:57,960 --> 00:44:58,120
Speaker 3: Yeah.

864
00:44:58,640 --> 00:45:01,480
Speaker 1: Uh so there's a c recession and it's basically it's

865
00:45:01,840 --> 00:45:04,560
Speaker 1: along the same lines but people are less getting less

866
00:45:04,600 --> 00:45:07,520
Speaker 1: likely to go out and date and getting less excited

867
00:45:07,520 --> 00:45:08,200
Speaker 1: about dating.

868
00:45:08,480 --> 00:45:10,200
Speaker 3: Oh well you told us about solo maxing.

869
00:45:10,640 --> 00:45:12,759
Speaker 1: Yes, yeah, yes, that must have been what it is like.

870
00:45:12,840 --> 00:45:15,120
Speaker 1: That is all I think. That is becoming a bigger

871
00:45:15,160 --> 00:45:19,239
Speaker 1: and bigger story and more people are opting. And I

872
00:45:19,320 --> 00:45:23,160
Speaker 1: hear this as a therapist in my office of people

873
00:45:23,239 --> 00:45:29,240
Speaker 1: just getting fatigued from whether it's dating apps or going

874
00:45:29,239 --> 00:45:32,960
Speaker 1: out and trying to date, because it's just not working

875
00:45:33,000 --> 00:45:34,800
Speaker 1: out for them. But but I do say it doesn't.

876
00:45:35,400 --> 00:45:38,680
Speaker 1: It doesn't work out until it does, you know, right,

877
00:45:38,840 --> 00:45:40,920
Speaker 1: Which that's also one of the most annoying things to

878
00:45:40,960 --> 00:45:44,960
Speaker 1: hear if you are in the process, because you kind

879
00:45:44,960 --> 00:45:45,880
Speaker 1: of just gave me a look.

880
00:45:46,080 --> 00:45:47,759
Speaker 3: Well, I mean, and I knew where you were coming

881
00:45:47,800 --> 00:45:50,640
Speaker 3: from because you went on a lot of bad dates

882
00:45:50,800 --> 00:45:53,200
Speaker 3: until you didn't. Yeah, yeah, so.

883
00:45:53,280 --> 00:45:55,239
Speaker 1: I get And guess what my husband went on to

884
00:45:56,520 --> 00:45:58,640
Speaker 1: He only went on too, He went on when he

885
00:45:58,680 --> 00:46:01,040
Speaker 1: got on the dating apps. He went on one date

886
00:46:01,040 --> 00:46:03,840
Speaker 1: with somebody else, didn't have a second date. And then me,

887
00:46:04,640 --> 00:46:06,279
Speaker 1: oh wow, And I said, well, do you want to

888
00:46:06,280 --> 00:46:09,719
Speaker 1: come over and see my shitty day jar? Because I've

889
00:46:09,760 --> 00:46:12,000
Speaker 1: been on about four hundred so this is really nice

890
00:46:12,040 --> 00:46:12,200
Speaker 1: for you.

891
00:46:12,239 --> 00:46:13,520
Speaker 3: I thought you were going to bring that jar one

892
00:46:13,560 --> 00:46:15,359
Speaker 3: day and we were going to open that boy up.

893
00:46:15,640 --> 00:46:18,560
Speaker 1: We should okay, sorry, I used to remind me, okayay,

894
00:46:18,680 --> 00:46:24,440
Speaker 1: that'd be a good anyway. There was a survey done.

895
00:46:24,719 --> 00:46:29,760
Speaker 1: Fourteenth annual Singles in America survey released by the Kinsey

896
00:46:29,840 --> 00:46:34,320
Speaker 1: Institute found that fifty three percent of singles reported dating burnout,

897
00:46:34,520 --> 00:46:37,400
Speaker 1: forty six percent took breaks from dating to recharge, and

898
00:46:37,480 --> 00:46:43,120
Speaker 1: sixty three noticed more passive passivity, notice more passivity and

899
00:46:43,239 --> 00:46:47,920
Speaker 1: making the first move. So data has also shown that

900
00:46:48,040 --> 00:46:50,440
Speaker 1: dating and appy use and marriage rates have been falling.

901
00:46:50,920 --> 00:46:54,760
Speaker 1: I didn't know that marriage rates had been falling falling,

902
00:46:55,840 --> 00:46:58,520
Speaker 1: So I guess what I'm curious about is what's going

903
00:46:58,600 --> 00:47:00,719
Speaker 1: to be the next thing. Because if day apps are

904
00:47:00,800 --> 00:47:03,680
Speaker 1: starting to go on like a down trend, people can

905
00:47:03,680 --> 00:47:05,560
Speaker 1: improve the dating apps. They do that and they change

906
00:47:05,560 --> 00:47:07,480
Speaker 1: things about them, But like, is there going to be

907
00:47:07,520 --> 00:47:09,960
Speaker 1: something else? Like is it going to be in person events?

908
00:47:10,480 --> 00:47:12,200
Speaker 3: Are you going to go back to setting people up?

909
00:47:13,239 --> 00:47:17,520
Speaker 1: I hope so I would. I would do that if

910
00:47:17,520 --> 00:47:20,759
Speaker 1: I had people to set up. You know how cool

911
00:47:20,800 --> 00:47:22,600
Speaker 1: that would be if you were like at somebody's wedding.

912
00:47:22,680 --> 00:47:23,879
Speaker 1: You're like, I did that.

913
00:47:24,920 --> 00:47:26,000
Speaker 3: Oh, I made that happen.

914
00:47:26,160 --> 00:47:31,120
Speaker 1: I thought about starting like a dating service at one

915
00:47:31,160 --> 00:47:33,239
Speaker 1: point in my life. You know, I always have a

916
00:47:33,280 --> 00:47:36,279
Speaker 1: new idea because I'm like, I feel like i'd be

917
00:47:36,360 --> 00:47:39,320
Speaker 1: really good at getting stop looking.

918
00:47:39,040 --> 00:47:44,600
Speaker 3: At what my eyes are. I'm intrigued. I've never heard this. Like,

919
00:47:44,640 --> 00:47:47,280
Speaker 3: I'm like, we've been friends for so long and I've never.

920
00:47:47,080 --> 00:47:49,160
Speaker 1: Heard this is a dream that doesn't come up, you know,

921
00:47:49,480 --> 00:47:50,640
Speaker 1: dreams that don't come up.

922
00:47:51,400 --> 00:47:51,840
Speaker 3: I love it.

923
00:47:52,200 --> 00:47:56,480
Speaker 1: I just think because I this is me patting myself

924
00:47:56,480 --> 00:47:58,920
Speaker 1: on my own back. I've never set anybody up before.

925
00:47:59,120 --> 00:47:59,319
Speaker 2: Never.

926
00:48:00,080 --> 00:48:03,400
Speaker 3: But you're like, I don't have a datting average is

927
00:48:03,480 --> 00:48:05,239
Speaker 3: nothing because I've never done it.

928
00:48:05,239 --> 00:48:08,200
Speaker 1: But I've never done it, never tried. But I'm good

929
00:48:08,400 --> 00:48:15,080
Speaker 1: at understanding people's psyches and behaviors and all that. And

930
00:48:15,200 --> 00:48:16,719
Speaker 1: I feel like i'd be able to come up with

931
00:48:16,760 --> 00:48:19,600
Speaker 1: the good questionnaires to see who would be good fits

932
00:48:19,680 --> 00:48:23,640
Speaker 1: with who, So you know how Patti Stanger from Million

933
00:48:23,680 --> 00:48:25,960
Speaker 1: Dollar Matchmaker. I don't want to be a million dollar matchmaker,

934
00:48:26,360 --> 00:48:29,280
Speaker 1: but I would love to have a database of singles

935
00:48:30,000 --> 00:48:32,520
Speaker 1: and then have people because you could just be a passive.

936
00:48:32,800 --> 00:48:34,359
Speaker 1: You want to be in the database, but you're not

937
00:48:34,400 --> 00:48:37,440
Speaker 1: going to like, this is where my business brain was going.

938
00:48:37,480 --> 00:48:39,719
Speaker 1: You can you pay like whatever ten dollars to be

939
00:48:39,719 --> 00:48:42,160
Speaker 1: in the database, but you're not being set up on

940
00:48:42,160 --> 00:48:44,400
Speaker 1: a date. I'm not matching you with somebody. You're just

941
00:48:44,440 --> 00:48:47,400
Speaker 1: in my group. And then you have the people that

942
00:48:47,440 --> 00:48:50,040
Speaker 1: are like I want to find somebody, and then you

943
00:48:50,080 --> 00:48:52,920
Speaker 1: pull from your database and you set people up and

944
00:48:52,920 --> 00:48:55,200
Speaker 1: then I can give them some I mean, I would

945
00:48:55,280 --> 00:48:56,600
Speaker 1: need to be a little bit more trained on this,

946
00:48:56,719 --> 00:48:58,600
Speaker 1: but then you do some coaching and you do some

947
00:48:59,080 --> 00:49:00,680
Speaker 1: I just feel like that'd be so fun and I

948
00:49:00,680 --> 00:49:02,000
Speaker 1: feel like I could be good at it.

949
00:49:02,200 --> 00:49:04,200
Speaker 3: So while you were talking about that made me think

950
00:49:04,239 --> 00:49:06,680
Speaker 3: of this one girl that pops up into my feed

951
00:49:06,760 --> 00:49:09,360
Speaker 3: every once in a while, and her name is Matchmaker Tiffany,

952
00:49:09,920 --> 00:49:13,000
Speaker 3: and sometimes her videos come up and they always catch

953
00:49:13,120 --> 00:49:17,839
Speaker 3: my attention. But she doesn't ever show who her client is.

954
00:49:18,280 --> 00:49:22,200
Speaker 3: But she'll say, hey, ladies, if you're between thirty five

955
00:49:22,280 --> 00:49:25,080
Speaker 3: and forty five, listen up, I've got a guy. He

956
00:49:25,120 --> 00:49:27,720
Speaker 3: lives in California, but he also has a home in Austin.

957
00:49:27,840 --> 00:49:31,439
Speaker 3: He's back and forth. He's open to anybody in the

958
00:49:31,719 --> 00:49:35,719
Speaker 3: United States, though he loves to travel, he loves dogs,

959
00:49:36,080 --> 00:49:39,759
Speaker 3: his kids have grown, he's looking to travel, blah blah blah.

960
00:49:39,800 --> 00:49:42,400
Speaker 3: Like she starts saying all these things about him, and

961
00:49:42,480 --> 00:49:43,760
Speaker 3: he sounds so great.

962
00:49:44,080 --> 00:49:48,319
Speaker 1: He's six to very many comments. Get well.

963
00:49:49,080 --> 00:49:51,520
Speaker 3: But then I'm like, well, how do you do? You

964
00:49:51,560 --> 00:49:55,680
Speaker 3: have to then DM her and be like, hey, you

965
00:49:55,719 --> 00:50:00,600
Speaker 3: want to consider me since that's her client, do we

966
00:50:00,719 --> 00:50:02,880
Speaker 3: have to become her client too? Or can we be

967
00:50:03,080 --> 00:50:05,279
Speaker 3: like I think? Oh, here, I just pulled up her

968
00:50:05,320 --> 00:50:09,880
Speaker 3: account and it says bachelor Alert for Texas and California.

969
00:50:09,960 --> 00:50:13,560
Speaker 3: This might be the same guy owns multiple businesses, self aware,

970
00:50:13,680 --> 00:50:18,719
Speaker 3: gorgeous smile, flexible schedule. He's hoping to meet a woman

971
00:50:18,800 --> 00:50:21,320
Speaker 3: between thirty and forty five. I'm like, I'm forty five.

972
00:50:21,640 --> 00:50:24,279
Speaker 3: I'm at the top end of that. Oh. He wants

973
00:50:24,320 --> 00:50:28,360
Speaker 3: her to have flexibility in her schedule. I don't have

974
00:50:28,440 --> 00:50:33,640
Speaker 3: flexibility in my schedule or my legs. I mean my

975
00:50:33,840 --> 00:50:38,759
Speaker 3: hamstree O, not like where are you're going? I just

976
00:50:38,840 --> 00:50:42,160
Speaker 3: meant I'm not flexible in any area anyway my life.

977
00:50:42,480 --> 00:50:45,160
Speaker 3: I mean my hamstrings are tight. Yeah, yeah, they are

978
00:50:45,960 --> 00:50:48,560
Speaker 3: like really tight. U should we take that out?

979
00:50:50,360 --> 00:50:50,520
Speaker 1: Oh?

980
00:50:50,560 --> 00:50:53,480
Speaker 3: He also wants her to be curious about life, open minded,

981
00:50:53,880 --> 00:50:56,839
Speaker 3: excited to build a real partnership. He's simply looking for

982
00:50:56,880 --> 00:50:59,759
Speaker 3: someone who dreams big, embraces growth, and wants a long

983
00:50:59,840 --> 00:51:00,879
Speaker 3: term relationship.

984
00:51:01,480 --> 00:51:04,360
Speaker 1: So I would assume that you don't have to be

985
00:51:04,400 --> 00:51:06,719
Speaker 1: a client of hers. You would just like comment or

986
00:51:06,800 --> 00:51:07,279
Speaker 1: DM her.

987
00:51:07,320 --> 00:51:10,319
Speaker 3: Okay, I looked at someone's comment. Okay, my mother just

988
00:51:10,360 --> 00:51:12,640
Speaker 3: sent me this. He sounds great, and I just filled

989
00:51:12,640 --> 00:51:16,280
Speaker 3: out the application. Moved to Austin from socow and love both.

990
00:51:16,760 --> 00:51:22,200
Speaker 3: So I guess there's an application to fill out, because

991
00:51:22,200 --> 00:51:22,520
Speaker 3: that's what this.

992
00:51:22,960 --> 00:51:25,239
Speaker 1: If you, if you are like I like that guy,

993
00:51:25,280 --> 00:51:27,000
Speaker 1: you probably go to her website, fill out the app

994
00:51:27,040 --> 00:51:31,200
Speaker 1: and then she sees if you're a fit and yeah,

995
00:51:31,280 --> 00:51:34,680
Speaker 1: did you ever see that? I think it was like

996
00:51:34,760 --> 00:51:37,680
Speaker 1: Kelly's Corner or something, or Kelly's Singles. It was a

997
00:51:37,800 --> 00:51:39,839
Speaker 1: Nashville thing where this.

998
00:51:39,760 --> 00:51:42,560
Speaker 3: Girl she goes to the park. Did she go to

999
00:51:42,560 --> 00:51:43,920
Speaker 3: the park and talk to singles?

1000
00:51:44,280 --> 00:51:44,480
Speaker 1: No?

1001
00:51:44,719 --> 00:51:47,160
Speaker 3: Oh, I see that girl. Okay, is that park you like?

1002
00:51:47,200 --> 00:51:49,440
Speaker 3: What's it called? Yeah, she goes there.

1003
00:51:50,920 --> 00:51:52,759
Speaker 1: I haven't seen her. And she just goes up to

1004
00:51:52,880 --> 00:51:53,440
Speaker 1: random people.

1005
00:51:54,400 --> 00:51:56,440
Speaker 3: Yeah, they're either random or she might know them, but

1006
00:51:56,440 --> 00:51:59,520
Speaker 3: she'll interview them and ask them what they're looking for, like,

1007
00:51:59,680 --> 00:52:00,880
Speaker 3: what's their dating lifelike?

1008
00:52:01,960 --> 00:52:04,040
Speaker 1: Is she trying to set people up? I don't really know.

1009
00:52:04,239 --> 00:52:05,719
Speaker 3: She's only just popped up in my feet every now

1010
00:52:05,760 --> 00:52:07,440
Speaker 3: and then. But she does a good job because it

1011
00:52:07,440 --> 00:52:08,360
Speaker 3: always gives my attention.

1012
00:52:08,840 --> 00:52:12,000
Speaker 1: Well, this was like an Instagram from this was like

1013
00:52:12,120 --> 00:52:13,920
Speaker 1: seven years ago. I don't know if she still does this,

1014
00:52:14,520 --> 00:52:17,320
Speaker 1: but you would just apply to be one of her singles.

1015
00:52:17,360 --> 00:52:18,799
Speaker 1: I think she did it once a year and she

1016
00:52:18,800 --> 00:52:21,480
Speaker 1: would post all these people to her Instagram and then

1017
00:52:21,520 --> 00:52:24,160
Speaker 1: you would comment on that. If you were interested in

1018
00:52:24,200 --> 00:52:26,880
Speaker 1: that person, then you would comment on their picture and

1019
00:52:26,920 --> 00:52:29,120
Speaker 1: be like, I want to be set up with this person. Oh,

1020
00:52:29,160 --> 00:52:32,080
Speaker 1: but I would I was single when she was doing that.

1021
00:52:32,160 --> 00:52:35,080
Speaker 1: I would never do that because what if you don't

1022
00:52:35,080 --> 00:52:36,640
Speaker 1: get that many comments?

1023
00:52:37,760 --> 00:52:39,919
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, it's vulnerable to it's very.

1024
00:52:39,880 --> 00:52:42,759
Speaker 1: Vulnerable I want. Yeah, And then I also don't want

1025
00:52:42,760 --> 00:52:46,040
Speaker 1: to comment on their page because it's like, oh, it

1026
00:52:46,080 --> 00:52:49,560
Speaker 1: feels a competition, you know. So I don't know if

1027
00:52:49,560 --> 00:52:50,799
Speaker 1: I would do it that way, but I wonder how

1028
00:52:50,800 --> 00:52:53,000
Speaker 1: many people. I mean, she did it for years, so

1029
00:52:53,040 --> 00:52:56,719
Speaker 1: she it had been working for people. Yeah, So I

1030
00:52:56,800 --> 00:52:59,719
Speaker 1: just think that I could. So, Okay, let me tell

1031
00:52:59,760 --> 00:53:02,080
Speaker 1: you what this article that I was reading about crush recession,

1032
00:53:02,320 --> 00:53:04,680
Speaker 1: this is the tips they gave, and I just feel

1033
00:53:04,719 --> 00:53:08,680
Speaker 1: like my matchmaking might be better than these tips. Okay.

1034
00:53:09,080 --> 00:53:11,880
Speaker 1: The tips they said are opt for less expensive dates,

1035
00:53:11,960 --> 00:53:14,240
Speaker 1: because that was one of the things that was driving fatigue,

1036
00:53:14,320 --> 00:53:16,520
Speaker 1: is it's expensive to go on a lot of dates.

1037
00:53:16,760 --> 00:53:20,239
Speaker 1: So they're like, go to the park, go whatever, which

1038
00:53:20,280 --> 00:53:23,120
Speaker 1: I do get that, Like, if you're trying to meet

1039
00:53:23,160 --> 00:53:25,360
Speaker 1: a lot of people, you can't be buying somebody dinner,

1040
00:53:25,400 --> 00:53:28,319
Speaker 1: or buying drinks or buying whatever three nights a week.

1041
00:53:28,400 --> 00:53:32,200
Speaker 1: You know. Change your expectations of dating. Don't expect people

1042
00:53:32,200 --> 00:53:34,319
Speaker 1: to be all hyped or amped during dating. There may

1043
00:53:34,320 --> 00:53:36,799
Speaker 1: be some bumps and even some pessimism. So don't fret it.

1044
00:53:36,840 --> 00:53:39,200
Speaker 1: If you and a date are not singing Taylor Swiss

1045
00:53:39,280 --> 00:53:41,960
Speaker 1: Love Story by the end of the night, just not

1046
00:53:42,000 --> 00:53:45,239
Speaker 1: a bad Okay. Yeah, change your goals for dating. Rather

1047
00:53:45,280 --> 00:53:47,920
Speaker 1: than being laser focused on finding the one, maybe your

1048
00:53:47,960 --> 00:53:50,640
Speaker 1: goal is to simply meet and learn about different people.

1049
00:53:51,000 --> 00:53:53,040
Speaker 1: In the meantime, you might find that right match for

1050
00:53:53,080 --> 00:53:57,400
Speaker 1: you comes in an unexpected package. Which these are all great,

1051
00:53:58,200 --> 00:53:59,719
Speaker 1: I shouldn't have set that up the way I did.

1052
00:53:59,760 --> 00:54:02,560
Speaker 1: These not bad tips, I agree with all of them.

1053
00:54:03,880 --> 00:54:06,480
Speaker 1: I think we also just need to shake up the

1054
00:54:06,600 --> 00:54:07,360
Speaker 1: dating world.

1055
00:54:08,160 --> 00:54:12,120
Speaker 3: Okay, shake it up, you do it. Can't start your

1056
00:54:12,120 --> 00:54:16,719
Speaker 3: business starting with your baby, and you're gonna be like, sorry.

1057
00:54:16,480 --> 00:54:18,320
Speaker 1: I can't feed you. I have to set this person

1058
00:54:18,400 --> 00:54:20,680
Speaker 1: up on a date. But also, like, I would love

1059
00:54:20,719 --> 00:54:23,239
Speaker 1: to have a database of people. So when I do

1060
00:54:23,320 --> 00:54:25,480
Speaker 1: meet somebody who's like, I'm like, I wish I could

1061
00:54:25,520 --> 00:54:26,839
Speaker 1: set you up, I'd be like, oh, let me look

1062
00:54:26,840 --> 00:54:29,120
Speaker 1: in my book. Yes, I think you didn't have to

1063
00:54:29,160 --> 00:54:29,640
Speaker 1: pay in it.

1064
00:54:29,960 --> 00:54:32,600
Speaker 3: I think you would be good at it that I'm

1065
00:54:32,600 --> 00:54:35,160
Speaker 3: gonna encourage that. Well, see what is in this next

1066
00:54:35,239 --> 00:54:37,200
Speaker 3: chapter for you? You never know what you might do.

1067
00:54:37,280 --> 00:54:39,280
Speaker 3: I'm with your therapy background, I do think you would

1068
00:54:39,280 --> 00:54:42,360
Speaker 3: know like the right questions to ask people. Yeah, totally.

1069
00:54:42,920 --> 00:54:47,680
Speaker 1: I need a business partner to financially support me and

1070
00:54:47,840 --> 00:54:49,600
Speaker 1: to help me make business decisions.

1071
00:54:49,640 --> 00:54:53,040
Speaker 3: But what are the finances involved in this? Upfront? Just curious?

1072
00:54:53,160 --> 00:54:54,759
Speaker 1: I just imagine there to be some.

1073
00:54:56,920 --> 00:54:59,640
Speaker 3: You just need people, people, you need people.

1074
00:55:00,040 --> 00:55:02,040
Speaker 1: Well, I probably need to host an event to get

1075
00:55:02,040 --> 00:55:03,560
Speaker 1: people to know about that, you know.

1076
00:55:03,560 --> 00:55:05,480
Speaker 3: What I mean, Like Okay, so you need to host.

1077
00:55:05,719 --> 00:55:07,120
Speaker 1: I'm gonna do it. If I'm gonna do it, I'm

1078
00:55:07,120 --> 00:55:08,800
Speaker 1: gonna do it, right, all right, do you want to

1079
00:55:08,800 --> 00:55:10,960
Speaker 1: do it? You can help you out an event? Could

1080
00:55:11,880 --> 00:55:13,920
Speaker 1: you could help me host an event? You could be

1081
00:55:13,960 --> 00:55:17,440
Speaker 1: the host. Yeah, And so you're going to hosting things

1082
00:55:18,160 --> 00:55:21,000
Speaker 1: and in a candidate and you kind would be like

1083
00:55:21,040 --> 00:55:23,120
Speaker 1: the star and that would be really cool for you

1084
00:55:23,120 --> 00:55:24,520
Speaker 1: because you'd be like, Oh, I'm just here because I'm

1085
00:55:24,520 --> 00:55:26,960
Speaker 1: the host. But like that is cute.

1086
00:55:28,440 --> 00:55:28,560
Speaker 2: Uh.

1087
00:55:29,239 --> 00:55:31,080
Speaker 3: I want to share something that I just saw on

1088
00:55:31,120 --> 00:55:34,040
Speaker 3: Matchmaker Tiffany's page that is a good thing to close on.

1089
00:55:34,120 --> 00:55:36,640
Speaker 3: That's really positive that it has to do with just

1090
00:55:36,760 --> 00:55:39,640
Speaker 3: our behavior in general, whether you're dating or not. We

1091
00:55:39,719 --> 00:55:41,680
Speaker 3: have happily married people that are listening, but you may

1092
00:55:41,719 --> 00:55:45,239
Speaker 3: not know you're worth. And she is a matchmaker, so

1093
00:55:45,280 --> 00:55:48,960
Speaker 3: it is leaning to dating, but there might be inconsistency

1094
00:55:49,000 --> 00:55:53,640
Speaker 3: in a lot of your relationships that you allow. It's

1095
00:55:53,680 --> 00:55:55,640
Speaker 3: through to d with this little tidbit.

1096
00:55:55,760 --> 00:55:57,239
Speaker 1: Okay, clock it.

1097
00:55:58,160 --> 00:56:01,320
Speaker 3: People throw around the phrase know you're like, it's a mindset,

1098
00:56:01,480 --> 00:56:05,720
Speaker 3: it's it's a behavior. Knowing your worth isn't posting a quote,

1099
00:56:05,800 --> 00:56:08,759
Speaker 3: it's not pretending you don't care, and it's definitely not

1100
00:56:08,880 --> 00:56:13,719
Speaker 3: playing hard to get. It's choosing not to reward inconsistency.

1101
00:56:14,200 --> 00:56:18,279
Speaker 3: It's paying attention to patterns instead of potential. It's letting

1102
00:56:18,320 --> 00:56:21,680
Speaker 3: people reveal who they are before you decide who they are.

1103
00:56:22,200 --> 00:56:25,040
Speaker 3: Most people don't get hurt because they ignored red flags.

1104
00:56:25,080 --> 00:56:28,359
Speaker 3: They get hurt because they explained them away. The right

1105
00:56:28,400 --> 00:56:31,920
Speaker 3: person won't need unlimited access to you to stay interested.

1106
00:56:32,400 --> 00:56:35,120
Speaker 3: They won't disappear the first time you set a boundary,

1107
00:56:35,400 --> 00:56:37,680
Speaker 3: and they won't expect you to prove your value before

1108
00:56:37,760 --> 00:56:40,879
Speaker 3: they show you theirs. Stop trying to convince people you're

1109
00:56:40,920 --> 00:56:44,640
Speaker 3: worth choosing, Start paying attention to who's already acting like it.

1110
00:56:45,320 --> 00:56:47,480
Speaker 3: Save this for the next time someone tells you to

1111
00:56:47,560 --> 00:56:50,240
Speaker 3: know your worth but forgets to explain what that actually means.

1112
00:56:50,480 --> 00:56:53,480
Speaker 1: I love that. M hmm, that's good. I was watching

1113
00:56:54,280 --> 00:57:00,759
Speaker 1: logan Uri. I think that's her name. She was the

1114
00:57:00,960 --> 00:57:05,160
Speaker 1: psychologist for a hinge. Maybe she was a behavioral psychologist

1115
00:57:05,239 --> 00:57:07,759
Speaker 1: or hinge. She actually had a dating She had a

1116
00:57:07,840 --> 00:57:13,239
Speaker 1: dating show called Elder Dating or something like that. It

1117
00:57:13,280 --> 00:57:15,359
Speaker 1: was like dat, it was a dating she was match

1118
00:57:15,400 --> 00:57:19,280
Speaker 1: making older people. I thought it was cute, but she

1119
00:57:20,360 --> 00:57:22,560
Speaker 1: was talking recently on a reel that popped up on

1120
00:57:22,560 --> 00:57:28,000
Speaker 1: my page that was saying don't She talked about not

1121
00:57:28,120 --> 00:57:30,080
Speaker 1: lowering your standard. She was like a lot of people

1122
00:57:30,120 --> 00:57:32,680
Speaker 1: like when she's giving her feedback or she's coaching people,

1123
00:57:33,080 --> 00:57:35,600
Speaker 1: she's helping them fine tune what's important to them, and

1124
00:57:35,640 --> 00:57:37,720
Speaker 1: she's like, people will look at me and say, oh,

1125
00:57:37,720 --> 00:57:39,840
Speaker 1: so you want me to lower my standards, like do

1126
00:57:39,920 --> 00:57:42,160
Speaker 1: not think I'm worth that? Stuff like that, and she's like, no,

1127
00:57:42,280 --> 00:57:44,880
Speaker 1: I don't want you to lower your standards. This isn't

1128
00:57:44,880 --> 00:57:47,520
Speaker 1: about lowering your standards, but you need to maximize what

1129
00:57:47,600 --> 00:57:50,120
Speaker 1: is important to you. And that is a problem. I

1130
00:57:50,160 --> 00:57:53,240
Speaker 1: think we do have instances and I was probably a

1131
00:57:53,240 --> 00:57:55,160
Speaker 1: part of that too, Like I probably did the same

1132
00:57:55,200 --> 00:57:59,400
Speaker 1: thing where I want the whole package plus like the

1133
00:57:59,400 --> 00:58:02,680
Speaker 1: gift with per situation, like I want everything plus more,

1134
00:58:03,480 --> 00:58:06,080
Speaker 1: but then you miss out on something that can be

1135
00:58:06,200 --> 00:58:09,760
Speaker 1: very good and you won't ever have. I love. I'm

1136
00:58:09,800 --> 00:58:13,080
Speaker 1: obsessed with my husband. I he there are things that

1137
00:58:13,400 --> 00:58:15,080
Speaker 1: if I made a list of everything I wanted in

1138
00:58:15,120 --> 00:58:17,480
Speaker 1: a partner, he wouldn't have all of those things on them.

1139
00:58:17,920 --> 00:58:20,360
Speaker 1: So it's not about lowering my standards because I don't

1140
00:58:20,400 --> 00:58:23,720
Speaker 1: think I'm worthy of that. It's maximizing what I do

1141
00:58:23,920 --> 00:58:26,919
Speaker 1: think I'm worthy of and focusing on that stuff. If

1142
00:58:26,960 --> 00:58:29,760
Speaker 1: you are a single person. She's a good follow she

1143
00:58:29,840 --> 00:58:32,080
Speaker 1: has good She says, you follow her?

1144
00:58:32,280 --> 00:58:33,160
Speaker 3: So what's her name again?

1145
00:58:33,280 --> 00:58:35,480
Speaker 1: Logan Uri? Why do I follow her? I don't know

1146
00:58:35,520 --> 00:58:36,400
Speaker 1: if I do follow her?

1147
00:58:36,400 --> 00:58:38,120
Speaker 3: I might No, I think I said I need to

1148
00:58:38,120 --> 00:58:39,600
Speaker 3: follow Okay, I don't like.

1149
00:58:39,600 --> 00:58:40,920
Speaker 1: Why do you follow her? I was like, I like

1150
00:58:40,960 --> 00:58:42,000
Speaker 1: what she says, Like.

1151
00:58:42,720 --> 00:58:44,040
Speaker 3: I guess how do you spell her? Lessoname?

1152
00:58:44,080 --> 00:58:46,760
Speaker 1: I think it's you are why? Okay? I don't know

1153
00:58:46,800 --> 00:58:50,160
Speaker 1: if I'm saying it correct, but Rah.

1154
00:58:51,960 --> 00:58:58,320
Speaker 3: Could be Oh yeah her uh Paige, what's the thing?

1155
00:58:58,840 --> 00:59:01,920
Speaker 3: Her bio? Her bio says it's time to date smarter

1156
00:59:02,360 --> 00:59:05,840
Speaker 3: scientist at hinge dating coach at Netflix.

1157
00:59:06,880 --> 00:59:07,600
Speaker 1: Yeah.

1158
00:59:07,720 --> 00:59:10,400
Speaker 3: Her book is called How to Not Die Alone? Did

1159
00:59:10,400 --> 00:59:10,919
Speaker 3: you say that?

1160
00:59:11,160 --> 00:59:15,040
Speaker 1: No? But that's a good title. I guess that'll get you.

1161
00:59:15,320 --> 00:59:16,919
Speaker 1: I don't want to read that book at a bar.

1162
00:59:18,920 --> 00:59:21,200
Speaker 3: If that's the bar, that's the book. I take to

1163
00:59:21,240 --> 00:59:23,720
Speaker 3: the bar with a glass of wine, setting by myself

1164
00:59:23,720 --> 00:59:25,480
Speaker 3: to see if some man comes up and talks to me.

1165
00:59:25,560 --> 00:59:27,360
Speaker 1: I would recommend you to take the book jacket off

1166
00:59:27,360 --> 00:59:29,960
Speaker 1: of that one if that's what you're although it might

1167
00:59:30,040 --> 00:59:32,320
Speaker 1: actually spark conversation if somebody's like, I don't want to

1168
00:59:32,360 --> 00:59:32,919
Speaker 1: die alone either.

1169
00:59:33,480 --> 00:59:36,040
Speaker 3: Ooh, I love this. On her page, she has the

1170
00:59:36,080 --> 00:59:39,400
Speaker 3: post date eight. So after a date, you may have

1171
00:59:39,440 --> 00:59:43,160
Speaker 3: a checklist of criteria that you look for, and she's

1172
00:59:43,200 --> 00:59:45,880
Speaker 3: got her post date eight questions. What side of me

1173
00:59:46,000 --> 00:59:48,400
Speaker 3: did they bring out? How did my body feel during

1174
00:59:48,400 --> 00:59:50,680
Speaker 3: the date? Was I stiff or relaxed? Do I feel

1175
00:59:50,720 --> 00:59:53,520
Speaker 3: more energized or de energized? Like did they suck the

1176
00:59:53,560 --> 00:59:56,160
Speaker 3: life out of me energy wise? Are they one of

1177
00:59:56,160 --> 01:00:00,240
Speaker 3: the six energy suckers? Is there something about? And then

1178
01:00:00,360 --> 01:00:03,120
Speaker 3: I'm curious about did they make me laugh? Did I

1179
01:00:03,160 --> 01:00:06,760
Speaker 3: feel heard? Did I feel attractive in their presence? And

1180
01:00:06,800 --> 01:00:10,160
Speaker 3: did I feel captivated, bored or something in between? The

1181
01:00:10,240 --> 01:00:11,200
Speaker 3: post date eight?

1182
01:00:11,840 --> 01:00:14,120
Speaker 1: I like those questions. I like that did I feel

1183
01:00:14,160 --> 01:00:17,400
Speaker 1: attractive in their presence? That? I have a lot of

1184
01:00:17,720 --> 01:00:20,760
Speaker 1: follow up questions to that that's interesting, like how you

1185
01:00:20,840 --> 01:00:23,360
Speaker 1: feel or do you feel like self conscious in their presence?

1186
01:00:23,400 --> 01:00:25,680
Speaker 1: Or do you feel I like I've.

1187
01:00:25,560 --> 01:00:27,320
Speaker 3: Never I know, we keep going on and on. I

1188
01:00:27,360 --> 01:00:31,000
Speaker 3: said I was gonna close, but I am listening to

1189
01:00:31,080 --> 01:00:36,240
Speaker 3: a book right now, and she's in an emotionally abusive relationship,

1190
01:00:36,800 --> 01:00:40,280
Speaker 3: but she never knew how to categories? Is that?

1191
01:00:40,520 --> 01:00:41,560
Speaker 1: Are you already in a new book?

1192
01:00:41,720 --> 01:00:43,360
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's one that I'm just listening to. I didn't

1193
01:00:43,360 --> 01:00:46,200
Speaker 3: even order the physical copy because I was moving my

1194
01:00:46,280 --> 01:00:49,400
Speaker 3: furniture around and cleaning, so I was like, I need

1195
01:00:49,560 --> 01:00:54,840
Speaker 3: something to listen to. It's by Abby Jimenez, and I

1196
01:00:54,840 --> 01:00:57,040
Speaker 3: read them out of order because I ordered Yours Truly,

1197
01:00:57,080 --> 01:00:58,720
Speaker 3: and I read that and it was so good. I

1198
01:00:58,720 --> 01:01:01,480
Speaker 3: loved it so much that then I got her next book.

1199
01:01:02,040 --> 01:01:04,320
Speaker 1: And wait, what do you mean you read them out

1200
01:01:04,360 --> 01:01:04,760
Speaker 1: of order?

1201
01:01:04,960 --> 01:01:05,240
Speaker 3: Well?

1202
01:01:05,880 --> 01:01:07,320
Speaker 1: Did they go together? Or they do?

1203
01:01:07,440 --> 01:01:09,920
Speaker 3: But I didn't know it. So I read Yours Truly,

1204
01:01:10,000 --> 01:01:12,760
Speaker 3: and I was like, oh, I should order another one

1205
01:01:12,760 --> 01:01:15,080
Speaker 3: of her books, but I wanted to just get it

1206
01:01:15,120 --> 01:01:17,680
Speaker 3: on audible and listen to it while I was cleaning

1207
01:01:17,680 --> 01:01:21,400
Speaker 3: my house. And I got the book that was the

1208
01:01:21,400 --> 01:01:24,880
Speaker 3: book that came out before Years Truly, So you're getting

1209
01:01:25,000 --> 01:01:27,640
Speaker 3: because stuff in Yours Truly. I had no idea they

1210
01:01:27,640 --> 01:01:30,880
Speaker 3: were connected, but they are so. About halfway through when

1211
01:01:30,920 --> 01:01:32,600
Speaker 3: I realized they were connected, I already knew it was

1212
01:01:32,640 --> 01:01:34,400
Speaker 3: going to end because I knew in the second book

1213
01:01:34,440 --> 01:01:36,280
Speaker 3: some of the stuff of how but it was like

1214
01:01:36,320 --> 01:01:38,960
Speaker 3: different characters. Well anyway, well, now I'm giving away some

1215
01:01:39,000 --> 01:01:40,680
Speaker 3: stuff if people want to read the book, because I

1216
01:01:40,720 --> 01:01:43,919
Speaker 3: wasn't going to give the title, but I've already said

1217
01:01:43,960 --> 01:01:48,600
Speaker 3: the you're not I already said Abby. Well, anyway, she's

1218
01:01:48,640 --> 01:01:51,680
Speaker 3: in an emotionally abusive relationship. And I can't even remember

1219
01:01:51,680 --> 01:01:55,919
Speaker 3: why I was going to bring this up, but it's

1220
01:01:55,960 --> 01:01:58,360
Speaker 3: called Part of Your World. Just read that one first

1221
01:01:58,520 --> 01:02:00,600
Speaker 3: read Part of Your World, and then read yours truly,

1222
01:02:01,160 --> 01:02:05,440
Speaker 3: but just know that, I mean, you know there's abuse

1223
01:02:05,480 --> 01:02:10,120
Speaker 3: in the books. She gives a forewarning about what's to

1224
01:02:10,160 --> 01:02:14,880
Speaker 3: come in case, like a trigger warning, and she she

1225
01:02:15,000 --> 01:02:18,960
Speaker 3: like never knew him treating her that way was emotional abuse,

1226
01:02:19,600 --> 01:02:21,600
Speaker 3: but he was trying to tear her down so that

1227
01:02:21,680 --> 01:02:24,520
Speaker 3: she would feel so insecure that she wouldn't want to

1228
01:02:24,600 --> 01:02:27,600
Speaker 3: leave him. So I think why I brought that up

1229
01:02:27,720 --> 01:02:30,480
Speaker 3: was how you feel around someone like when, if do

1230
01:02:30,520 --> 01:02:34,520
Speaker 3: you feel attractive when you're around them? And how did

1231
01:02:34,560 --> 01:02:38,160
Speaker 3: they pump you up and make you feel like desirable

1232
01:02:38,320 --> 01:02:41,640
Speaker 3: and beautiful and all the things? Because he was she

1233
01:02:41,920 --> 01:02:45,520
Speaker 3: was beautiful and desirable, or her character is but he

1234
01:02:45,560 --> 01:02:50,120
Speaker 3: would say things like have you showered today? But she

1235
01:02:50,160 --> 01:02:52,960
Speaker 3: would have she would have already taken two showers.

1236
01:02:52,640 --> 01:02:55,800
Speaker 1: And it's like nobody else will love me. I stink.

1237
01:02:56,800 --> 01:03:00,560
Speaker 3: So he was so consistent with that type of those

1238
01:03:00,560 --> 01:03:03,360
Speaker 3: types of comments that she made a doctor's appointment. And

1239
01:03:03,440 --> 01:03:05,600
Speaker 3: this is a fictional character, but she made a doctor's

1240
01:03:05,600 --> 01:03:08,680
Speaker 3: appointment to see if there was something wrong with her

1241
01:03:08,720 --> 01:03:11,280
Speaker 3: that was making her smell. And the doctor was like, nope,

1242
01:03:11,280 --> 01:03:15,480
Speaker 3: all your bound to your pa. Yeah, she she smelled fine.

1243
01:03:15,520 --> 01:03:18,680
Speaker 3: It was his tactic to abuse her in that way.

1244
01:03:18,840 --> 01:03:25,520
Speaker 3: So anyway, there you have it. Okay, Yeah, I think

1245
01:03:25,520 --> 01:03:28,680
Speaker 3: that's it. Yeah, we're good. All right. We hope wherever

1246
01:03:28,720 --> 01:03:30,760
Speaker 3: you are, you have the day you need to have.

1247
01:03:30,960 --> 01:03:33,040
Speaker 1: Bye. Bye,