Speaker 1: Hey, y'all, you're listening to the Vitamin dep Podcast with
Speaker 1: Dawn Day, and I'm here to shed light into your life,
Speaker 1: giving you insights and perspectives that can help you discover
Speaker 1: what exactly it is that you can gain by trusting you.
Speaker 1: And when I talk about gang, I don't just mean
Speaker 1: material things. No, I mean something deeper. I'm talking about
Speaker 1: gaining that spark, that thing that lights the fire in
Speaker 1: your belly, that spark that ignites the twinkle in your eye.
Speaker 1: I'm talking about spiritual growth. I'm talking about coming to
Speaker 1: the realization and walking in it knowing that you are
Speaker 1: your greatest asset. And as I think about how to
Speaker 1: grow and how I've grown, what I keep coming back
Speaker 1: to is this, sometimes the moments of loss is what
Speaker 1: we gain our greatest growth. Like for me, it came
Speaker 1: down to losing my mother. Four my mother died, I
Speaker 1: realized I kind of bet on me. I go so
Speaker 1: hard because of my mother, I wouldn't be where I am.
Speaker 1: And you know, losing my brother at was like a
Speaker 1: dobe edged sword because on one end you missed the
Speaker 1: fact that's your mama. Do you know what the person
Speaker 1: that you would lying on to do oh, that you
Speaker 1: do the person that's gonna give you the encouragement. But
Speaker 1: on the other end, I gotta go so hard because
Speaker 1: I don't have my mother here. I don't have anybody
Speaker 1: that I can just completely lean on that's over me.
Speaker 1: That propelled my growth. And in that moment, the last
Speaker 1: moments I spent with my mother, I learned that sometimes
Speaker 1: the greatest form of love is letting go. Because I
Speaker 1: had to look at her and I said, Mommy, if
Speaker 1: you were in paying, you can go. And I grew
Speaker 1: up in the character of not being selfish. I understand
Speaker 1: that time is short and you can't wait, understanding that
Speaker 1: Dart got bit on me, And so thinking about that,
Speaker 1: I thought it would be good to talk to a
Speaker 1: good friend of mentor and colleague, Carla Ferrell about what
Speaker 1: it means to become who you want to be because
Speaker 1: of the losses that we've experiences, the losses that we've had,
Speaker 1: and despite them, how we've seen our life come to
Speaker 1: its success. So we talk about our similar experiences and
Speaker 1: losing our mothers and learning how to move through the
Speaker 1: grieving process, and how our support systems put us through
Speaker 1: and help us shape our understanding of these moments when
Speaker 1: our world are suddenly shook. So, without further ado, it's
Speaker 1: time for your dose of Vitamin D. Get your vitaminy
Speaker 1: right with me and get excited. Well, ladies and gentlemen,
Speaker 1: welcome to the Vitamin D Podcast. It is my esteem
Speaker 1: pleasure to wel them. The one and only Carla Pharaoh.
Speaker 1: What what's up? Good? How are you? I'm good? You know. Uh,
Speaker 1: it's a lot going on outside right now. Yeah, it's
Speaker 1: a lot. This COVID nineteen, this pandemic. A lot of
Speaker 1: people are being challenged about who they are, what they're doing,
Speaker 1: and how they're living. Mm hmm, it's so true. All
Speaker 1: of us are, for sure. And you know, we're just
Speaker 1: saying a lot going on ward. You know, not only
Speaker 1: is the virus taking lives, but just the chaoticness, what's
Speaker 1: going on with social injustice. Um, we've got people battling depression.
Speaker 1: It's a lot. It's a lot. It's a lot, and
Speaker 1: it just reminds me of what we're gonna talk about today.
Speaker 1: And it has a lot to deal with loss and
Speaker 1: you know, just thinking about the climate of like we
Speaker 1: were talking about what's going on, we also think about
Speaker 1: our own personal loss because whether it's a family member, where,
Speaker 1: whether it's a job, whether it's it's just the loss
Speaker 1: of being able to get out is something that's missing.
Speaker 1: And I feel like, you know, it's right now, It's
Speaker 1: time to get to the heart of the matter. And
Speaker 1: I said, what better than a woman that does it all? Okay,
Speaker 1: a black woman who's a boss a k A girl boss,
Speaker 1: who is the program director of the nationally syndicated Steve
Speaker 1: Harvey Morning Show a lot. And what sparked me, what
Speaker 1: touched me the moment I met you as a mother.
Speaker 1: Each time I would see you with Tasha and I
Speaker 1: would tell you, I said, oh my gosh, Carlin, you
Speaker 1: remind me so much of my mother, the way you
Speaker 1: handle with her, of what I've seen, of just being
Speaker 1: so present. She's my little angel, She's my miracle baby. Um.
Speaker 1: You know we you and I don't you know, we
Speaker 1: have a lot in common and we both have lost
Speaker 1: our moms and it is very hard too. And I
Speaker 1: know there's a lot of people watching this podcast that
Speaker 1: have been dealing with grief, and whether you lose a parent,
Speaker 1: a loved one, a child, I can't even imagine with
Speaker 1: all of the violence and crime that's going on this summer.
Speaker 1: There's a lot, and you need that family and you
Speaker 1: need that village. So for me, when I became a mom,
Speaker 1: it was very, very, very difficult for me because I
Speaker 1: thought that my mom would be right by my side,
Speaker 1: teaching me how to be a mom. Like I grew
Speaker 1: up seeing her being given it all. She sacrificed everything
Speaker 1: for me. I was her only child, and so it
Speaker 1: was a single mom and she was doing it. And
Speaker 1: I watched her sacrifice everything, and I was like, Damn,
Speaker 1: when I get grown and I grow up, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: take care of my mom and I'm gonna do all
Speaker 1: these things. And I did to a certain point. And
Speaker 1: after she passed away, I became a mom a few
Speaker 1: years later. And girl, there's no playbook, there's no formula.
Speaker 1: You just have to do, like you say, be present,
Speaker 1: love your child, and do the best that you care.
Speaker 1: Whatever works for you and your family. What your formula.
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying. There's no manual to it.
Speaker 1: Especially in these days. It's like what in the world
Speaker 1: that's going on? And that's what I wanted to talk
Speaker 1: to you about, because um having the loss of the mother,
Speaker 1: So you know, for you if you're listening right now, Carla,
Speaker 1: Her and I share the aspect of both of our
Speaker 1: mothers died of cancer. Now, was your mother breast cancer
Speaker 1: as well? Yes, so let's just talk about that aspect.
Speaker 1: How old were you when your mother passed? I was
Speaker 1: thirty five. I myself so I was ten years pro
Speaker 1: was twenty five, and uh, it was kind of like
Speaker 1: one of those things that it shakes you. It's one
Speaker 1: thing that you you really can't explain what it is
Speaker 1: that you're feeling unless you're going through it. But it's
Speaker 1: like a shift and it's like a old movement. And
Speaker 1: you know, when I think about motherhood, that's something that
Speaker 1: you don't think like your mother is ever not gonna
Speaker 1: be there, like you know, they're not going to be forever,
Speaker 1: but the whole idea that you're not going to be
Speaker 1: here like what? Right? And so, you know, even looking
Speaker 1: at you and observing and just seeing you on social media,
Speaker 1: just hearing you talk Monday through Friday on the radio
Speaker 1: about how much you love your daughter. You know you
Speaker 1: talked about I was watching an interview that you did
Speaker 1: with Angela Stribling of the w h U R. And
Speaker 1: one thing you spoke about you talked about the loss
Speaker 1: of your mother, and you said I didn't know whether
Speaker 1: or not I would know how to do it. And
Speaker 1: when I see you, I'm like, well, I don't know
Speaker 1: if there's a better playbook. And you said, I owe
Speaker 1: everything I am to my mother, and I too, share
Speaker 1: that same story. So I want to talk to you about,
Speaker 1: you know, your relationship when it came down to your
Speaker 1: mother and how she influenced who you are today. Oh man,
Speaker 1: I was born in Chicago and my mother and father
Speaker 1: got a divorce, and I was very young. I was
Speaker 1: like five, and I remember my mom's told me, you know,
Speaker 1: growing up. She told me when I was like maybe
Speaker 1: four years old, I walked into the kitchen and I
Speaker 1: asked her, why why don't you and daddy hold hands?
Speaker 1: And she was washing dishes, and she says she dropped
Speaker 1: the dishes in the sink and broke the plate and said, here,
Speaker 1: I am trying to stay married for my child, and
Speaker 1: she already she can see that it's pretty much over.
Speaker 1: And so that's when she decided that she was going
Speaker 1: to leave my father. They got a divorce and it
Speaker 1: was tough. I didn't have a great relationship with my dad.
Speaker 1: You know. I remember my mom was to call my dad, Hey,
Speaker 1: we're divorced. You didn't divorce your child. Be present, be
Speaker 1: be there. You know, she used to see you. She's disappointed.
Speaker 1: It was all of those things, just growing up, you know,
Speaker 1: on top of everything growing up in Chicago. Well, my
Speaker 1: mother decided my grandmother lived in Houston, and so her
Speaker 1: mother and she decided we were gonna move to Houston.
Speaker 1: You know, living in Chicago it's tough. You know, you're
Speaker 1: from Detroit. Living up north, it's a tough way of life.
Speaker 1: And so my mother said living down south would be
Speaker 1: a better lifestyle for us. And so she decided we
Speaker 1: were gonna move to Houston, which I didn't want to do.
Speaker 1: I was like, no, I don't want to move. I
Speaker 1: don't want to leash Chicago the shop. No No. And
Speaker 1: my mother was like, my dad was moving to Los
Speaker 1: Angeles and my dad's people left Chicago and went to Leete,
Speaker 1: and so I was like, well, I ain't going out there,
Speaker 1: So move with my mom. And we were two peas
Speaker 1: in the pod girl, and that was it. I mean,
Speaker 1: we packed up. We had a Pinto, my mom had
Speaker 1: a four pinto baby. We packed that pinto up and
Speaker 1: our dog and we came to Texas. Uh. My mom
Speaker 1: was an avid bowler. A lot of people don't know
Speaker 1: that she worked um in Social Security. She was a
Speaker 1: social worker. She worked for Social Security Administration for many
Speaker 1: many years. She was an avid bowler and she worked hard.
Speaker 1: She worked hard, and she struggled. And I remember going
Speaker 1: graduating from high school in Houston. She filled out my
Speaker 1: applications for college and she was like, you're going to
Speaker 1: go to a historically black college and university. And I
Speaker 1: was like, oh, well, some of my friends are going
Speaker 1: to UT and Texas A and M. And she's like,
Speaker 1: you're not. You're going to an HBCU. Because if we
Speaker 1: don't go to these colleges and university, who will. We
Speaker 1: have to support these colleges and university. My mom did
Speaker 1: all the paperwork. So I went to pray View n
Speaker 1: M University and it was hard to watch her struggle
Speaker 1: to try to help me get through college and all
Speaker 1: these things I got. You know, I did an internship
Speaker 1: and radio. I didn't know right away what I wanted
Speaker 1: to do that. Oh really, radio wasn't the first Oh no, no,
Speaker 1: no no. I was on the campus and I went
Speaker 1: to My major was social work because that's what my
Speaker 1: mother did. Don I didn't know what I want to do.
Speaker 1: I wasn't one of those kids in high school like
Speaker 1: I'm gonna beat this, I'm gonna be there. I'm like
Speaker 1: child what I don't know? And when I went to
Speaker 1: the social work sociology department, I should say on the yard. Uh.
Speaker 1: The dean was like, why aren't you over here? And
Speaker 1: I said, wal, because this is what I'm supposed to do.
Speaker 1: He said, who told you that? And said that's what
Speaker 1: my mom does. She does social work. He said, well,
Speaker 1: what do you like? And I was like, not this?
Speaker 1: He said what do you want to do? And I said, hey,
Speaker 1: I like music? He said what else you like that?
Speaker 1: I like to talk? He said, going over to the
Speaker 1: communications building, girl, get out again, j age of major,
Speaker 1: get on over there. And when I got to the
Speaker 1: communications building, I was like, oh, you know and worked
Speaker 1: in radio broadcasting and all of that. So my mom
Speaker 1: was there for me my childhood. She supported me. She
Speaker 1: was my everything. I'm trying not to. I don't want
Speaker 1: to cry and tear of crying, I know on the
Speaker 1: podcast and I got my got the tissues. But that's
Speaker 1: that's it. That was. That was my girl. And then
Speaker 1: it was three generations and it was my mom and
Speaker 1: her mom and we did a lot together. My grandmother
Speaker 1: was a nurse, you know, she worked two jobs. And
Speaker 1: when I was a little girl, I would wash her
Speaker 1: uniforms and hang them dripped dry, and I had to
Speaker 1: polish my grandmother's white shoes. I had to lay them out.
Speaker 1: I took pride in her wearing her white nurses white
Speaker 1: to work. And I would lay out newspaper and I
Speaker 1: would polish my grandmother's white shoes to make sure she
Speaker 1: looked clean and white. And she went to work at
Speaker 1: her uniform And to this day, a girl, I probably
Speaker 1: won't even wear white shoes. I walked right past them, like, huh.
Speaker 1: That was. I had a wonderful childhood. I was raised
Speaker 1: by two women, but my mom. My grandma was there
Speaker 1: all the time. But my mom, it was me. It
Speaker 1: was when you saw pat you saw Carla. And that's
Speaker 1: how it was pat and Carla. My mother's name was Patricia.
Speaker 1: So your only child, only child. Ye. I have a cousin,
Speaker 1: a first cousin who's very very very close, and he
Speaker 1: used to live with my mom so he's like my brother.
Speaker 1: So that's another and shared narrative that we have of
Speaker 1: just having that strong mother where it's just like you're invincible.
Speaker 1: Because even myself, I was raised by my mother solely.
Speaker 1: My dad he died when I was three months and
Speaker 1: I have an older sister. So, um, that's all I knew.
Speaker 1: It was just like that strength of being strong and
Speaker 1: standing up and being bold. It's interesting with all you know.
Speaker 1: And then here's the whole process of a woman who
Speaker 1: handled everything and getting to the point in which she
Speaker 1: had cancer three times. And I knew the frustration I
Speaker 1: was in when it got to a point that she
Speaker 1: couldn't open her drink, she couldn't put a fort to
Speaker 1: her mouth. And this is probably the first time that
Speaker 1: I've ever you know, sat down and share with somebody
Speaker 1: who's experienced a similar loss, because not only was it
Speaker 1: jarring when she took her last breath, but it was
Speaker 1: also jarring when I realized that my mother was human,
Speaker 1: right right, I know, I know, Um, it was it
Speaker 1: was tough. I remember when my mother, Uh, I got
Speaker 1: a job offer to work radio in Chicago at w
Speaker 1: g C I, and that's one of the you know,
Speaker 1: biggest urban radio stations in the country, and my mom
Speaker 1: was recovering from cancer. She was actually in remission, and
Speaker 1: I was very I had a horrible engagement. This man
Speaker 1: broke my heart. He ripped my heart. It up, just
Speaker 1: broke my heart, and I wanted to leave. I wanted
Speaker 1: to be away, but I didn't want to leave my mother.
Speaker 1: My mother's cancer was and remissions. She was doing fine,
Speaker 1: and I was going back to a city where I
Speaker 1: was born, where I was from, and being able to
Speaker 1: work at a heritage radio station that I grew up
Speaker 1: listening to. Come on there, I get a chance to
Speaker 1: be the boss up in there. Let's go. My mother
Speaker 1: supported me, and she pulled me to the side and
Speaker 1: she said, I'm fine, but just know you're you take
Speaker 1: your heart with you wherever you are. Geography is geography.
Speaker 1: So if you're running from this man, just know in
Speaker 1: Chicago you're gonna still have to face and deal with
Speaker 1: these problems. And the reason why I'm jumping in to
Speaker 1: tell you that is because when my mother, when I
Speaker 1: got to Chicago, my mom got sick again, and so
Speaker 1: I worked there as long as I could, and I
Speaker 1: begged the bosses that be I have to get back
Speaker 1: down south. I gotta get a job, and it it's like,
Speaker 1: we don't have anything for you. We don't have any
Speaker 1: jobs for you down south. Don I would fly back
Speaker 1: and forth home every weekend, from Chicago to Houston. Every
Speaker 1: My best friend would be right at that airport. She
Speaker 1: was right there picking me up so I can be,
Speaker 1: you know, with my mother and help her and help
Speaker 1: her fight. And I remember going to the hospitals and
Speaker 1: talking to the doctors and the nurses, and I will
Speaker 1: walk up and down the hall and see all these
Speaker 1: people going through chemo therapy and uh, dealing with radiation
Speaker 1: and dealing with the emotional part of cancer. And I
Speaker 1: asked the nurse, I said, why so many people here
Speaker 1: by themselves? And she said, baby girl, there's so many
Speaker 1: people that don't they don't have family members. Said to
Speaker 1: sit there with them while they take chemo and talk
Speaker 1: to them. I said, while I'm gonna go sit there
Speaker 1: with them. She said, okay. I said, what can I do?
Speaker 1: She said, taking cractics, take juices. So whenever I would
Speaker 1: take my mother to get chemo, the nurses would have
Speaker 1: everything laid out for me, and I would go to
Speaker 1: every station and pull the curtain back, and I would
Speaker 1: sit there and watch the Prices ride and game shows
Speaker 1: and younger than wrestles with all these people. And they thought,
Speaker 1: they were like, that's so sweet of you to come
Speaker 1: in here. And I would sit there and watch the
Speaker 1: the trip and watch you can and go, yeah, okay,
Speaker 1: you mind if I go see Mr such and such
Speaker 1: and this is such and such. Sure she they're waiting
Speaker 1: on you. And I would go back and get juice
Speaker 1: and crackers just to help them with the Nazi and
Speaker 1: all that. My mother, she was like, you don't have
Speaker 1: to do this, this is so why do you feel
Speaker 1: the need to to help all these people as I
Speaker 1: gotta do something. I gotta I can't let these people
Speaker 1: just feel like they're alone, you know, in this. And
Speaker 1: it was it was hard, and I thought that my
Speaker 1: mama got it. Hey, she gonna beat this because I'm
Speaker 1: right there, you know, with her. And finally I got
Speaker 1: a job in New Orleans, and um, that was the
Speaker 1: closest they could get me, you know, to Houston. And
Speaker 1: I accepted that job and I love the city. What's
Speaker 1: so ironic about New Orleans? My mother was born in
Speaker 1: New Orleon. Yeah, that's what's so ironic. My grandmother was
Speaker 1: born in New Orleans, but they were raised in Chicago,
Speaker 1: so they didn't know much about New Orleans. They knew
Speaker 1: about the outskirts, but they didn't know much. So when
Speaker 1: I moved, and you know, I met my husband, girl,
Speaker 1: I got me a maid, which is another that's a
Speaker 1: victory too, you girl, I guess. And he would come
Speaker 1: home with me to see about my mom, and uh,
Speaker 1: it was. It was hard done. It's just I don't wish,
Speaker 1: you know, I want to say the blank word to cancer.
Speaker 1: I don't. I don't wish that I don't know about it.
Speaker 1: So your mom passed when you were thirty five, what
Speaker 1: was do you recall or remember how old you were
Speaker 1: when she got diagnosed the first time, because then you
Speaker 1: said she went into remission. I was twenty when she
Speaker 1: was first diack. Now, like for myself, my mother first
Speaker 1: had cancer when I was three years old. I remembered
Speaker 1: her standing there cutting off her hair. I didn't know,
Speaker 1: and my mother, just like how you were just talking
Speaker 1: about how strong she was, I didn't. I didn't know
Speaker 1: how serious cancer was until she had it the third time.
Speaker 1: The second time, I was in eighth grade and I
Speaker 1: remember I was just doing things that were off like,
Speaker 1: and I was president of student council. I was a lead,
Speaker 1: you know, leader at my school. And when I told
Speaker 1: the teachers, I don't know if I had something happened
Speaker 1: with the test, and I was like, yeah, I just
Speaker 1: have a lot on my mind. My mom she was died,
Speaker 1: knows with cancer. And immediately my seventh and eighth grade
Speaker 1: teachers we went outside and we just started praying, and
Speaker 1: I was just like, Okay, my mom's fine. Mind you
Speaker 1: I was so conditioned that I didn't even realize that
Speaker 1: being with my mother and the fact of her hands
Speaker 1: turning black, you know, and her hands are peeling. There
Speaker 1: are times that my mom would pull up at a
Speaker 1: light or before we leave, she would put her head
Speaker 1: out the car, puke and keep going. So when you
Speaker 1: talk about my pedigree and why, like, you know, I
Speaker 1: go so hard because when you have a mother like that,
Speaker 1: you don't know any other kind of way. But something
Speaker 1: that I thought about, even what you said, how did
Speaker 1: you know? How did you know what to do? And
Speaker 1: how did you know cancer was as serious as it was?
Speaker 1: Because now looking at me now ten years after the fact,
Speaker 1: almost I understand the severity of cancer. But it's year old.
Speaker 1: How did you know? You know what? And I would
Speaker 1: say this, there's a lot of miss if you will,
Speaker 1: about breast cancer and black women. You know, it was
Speaker 1: you thought that black women breast cancer. You didn't hear
Speaker 1: about it a lot like we do now. And that's
Speaker 1: I lost my mom to breast cancer. That's why I'm
Speaker 1: a tireless breast cancer advocate. Because of that. I didn't know,
Speaker 1: and like you said, don same thing. There were people
Speaker 1: that worked around me. Let's pray, and I would pray
Speaker 1: and everything, but I'd be like, trying, you don't know, Pat,
Speaker 1: you don't know in my life. You don't know. My
Speaker 1: mom ain't never been sick. She's gonna be fine. It
Speaker 1: was that I had that same attitude. So when she
Speaker 1: went into remission the first time, I was like, boom,
Speaker 1: doctors don't know what they're talking about. God praying here
Speaker 1: and God got this same thing. And then my mother
Speaker 1: got sick again, you know. And it was after I
Speaker 1: got married. I remember when I was planning my wedding,
Speaker 1: I remember, well, I was just I'm revealing a lot
Speaker 1: to you now. So when I was engaged, I was
Speaker 1: presering and I told my mom, and my mom was like,
Speaker 1: or girl, you ain't gonna be wobbling, so let's play
Speaker 1: in this wedding a little little sooner than we inticipate.
Speaker 1: So I wanted a December wedding. I want it Christmas.
Speaker 1: And my mother was like, no, we're gonna do it
Speaker 1: in August because I'm gonna be too sick. Okay, So okay, okay,
Speaker 1: you see what I'm saying, right, Because she was already
Speaker 1: in Texas, and that's when you were in Louisiana. That
Speaker 1: was the closest you can get to her. I got
Speaker 1: you right. So I would come home every weekend just
Speaker 1: driving and see it. That was a six hour drive
Speaker 1: from New Orleans to Houston. Was nothing. So my mother
Speaker 1: was like, oh, we'll I'm planning in August because I'm
Speaker 1: gonna be too sick in December. And I said, Mama,
Speaker 1: what are you talking about. You don't know when you're
Speaker 1: gonna be sick. I'm gonna have it in December. No,
Speaker 1: you're gonna have it in aufice. It's too hot to
Speaker 1: get married in august's infused, it's not happening. And so
Speaker 1: my mother in law at the time, my future mother
Speaker 1: in law to be. She said, your mother wants to
Speaker 1: get married in August. That's when it's gonna be. I
Speaker 1: was like, it's my day. It's not her day, it's
Speaker 1: my day. She said, we're doing what Pat wants to do.
Speaker 1: So I told my mama, okay, we'll pick it that
Speaker 1: So she picked the day August one. So I got
Speaker 1: married August twenty one. Now before we actually I actually
Speaker 1: walked out all I had him very very painful miscarriage.
Speaker 1: So I lost the baby. And I remember we were
Speaker 1: home the weekend and I was talking to my mom
Speaker 1: and I was so much pain, and she ran out
Speaker 1: the bedroom and she called my husband Ty, she was
Speaker 1: my fiance, and she said she's in a lot of pains.
Speaker 1: And it took me to the doctor and the doctor said,
Speaker 1: you know you're losing the baby. You're going through that
Speaker 1: process right now. And so I looked at my mother
Speaker 1: and she got up and she held my hand and
Speaker 1: I said, my mother's shookar honey, iced tea hurts. And
Speaker 1: she said, now you know what labor is gonna feel like.
Speaker 1: I said, women do this every day and she's like yes.
Speaker 1: I was like, oh, So you know my mother was
Speaker 1: there through all of that, and then I got married,
Speaker 1: and then three months later, in December, my mom passed.
Speaker 1: She knew, were you there. I was in New Orleans.
Speaker 1: I was coming home to Houston. It was right before
Speaker 1: Chris Christmas. My mother died in December one. Her birthday
Speaker 1: was December six, so she passed away three months after
Speaker 1: I got married. And all of my mother's friends and girlfriends,
Speaker 1: they all said, at your wedding, she told all of
Speaker 1: them that I can go now because that man loves
Speaker 1: my daughter and he gonna take care of her, and
Speaker 1: I ain't got nothing to worry about. And I didn't
Speaker 1: know that. They told me that after my mother's services
Speaker 1: and in funeral and all that, and they said, she
Speaker 1: she knows you're okay now. I was like, she told
Speaker 1: you all, all of them. They said, that's why she
Speaker 1: didn't want to get married in December, because she didn't.
Speaker 1: She said she didn't want people to feel sorry for
Speaker 1: her and are you okay? You know how you doing.
Speaker 1: She didn't want the pity party. She didn't want all that.
Speaker 1: She just wanted to enjoy her daughter's wedding and have
Speaker 1: a good time. And we danced and we party. That's
Speaker 1: how she wanted, you know, to remember it. Yeah, leading up,
Speaker 1: did you realize did you realize how six she was
Speaker 1: before she passed towards like Thanksgiving? I did. I started
Speaker 1: because I went and talked to the doctors and they
Speaker 1: told me that, and my mother she told me, she said,
Speaker 1: you know, you're in denial about what's happening. And the
Speaker 1: doctor came in and they talked to me, and I
Speaker 1: exploded on the doctor. I told this doctor off about
Speaker 1: what was happening with my mother. And it was an oncologist,
Speaker 1: and she first about crying because how I was like,
Speaker 1: you better figure it out with my mother. She cried, cried, cried,
Speaker 1: and I stood there and I watched this doctor cry,
Speaker 1: and my mother was in the hospital bed and I
Speaker 1: looked at her and I said, I'm sorry. I didn't
Speaker 1: realize how harsh I was coming at her. And she said,
Speaker 1: I couldn't save my own father. My father just passed
Speaker 1: away from cancer. You know, I want to save your mother.
Speaker 1: I couldn't even save my own father. And this doctor,
Speaker 1: this oncologe, just broke down crying. I had to hug
Speaker 1: and hold hug. You know, That's what I'm saying about
Speaker 1: blank cancer because it is a disease that is so
Speaker 1: jo it's vicious, it's mean, it's it's all of those things,
Speaker 1: and it's just no one deserves to ever have to
Speaker 1: deal with that any kind of case. So yeah, girl,
Speaker 1: And you know, once my mom passed, I looked at
Speaker 1: my husband. I was a newly with I was married
Speaker 1: for three months, and I just looked at him. I said, well,
Speaker 1: you're all I have now. You're the only family that
Speaker 1: I had. And he was like, girl, I got you,
Speaker 1: you know, he said, it's just me and you. And
Speaker 1: I was angry. I was angry, Like God, I was mad.
Speaker 1: Did you feel angry that your mom left and that
Speaker 1: she didn't fight hard enough? Because that was something that
Speaker 1: I crossed in my mind. Yeah, I had an issue
Speaker 1: with that too. I thought she didn't And uh, I
Speaker 1: was angry with God. And my husband pulled me to
Speaker 1: the side and he was at my mother's house and
Speaker 1: he told me, you go upstairs and you get on
Speaker 1: your knees and you pray and you cry, and you
Speaker 1: talked to God and you did it all out. But
Speaker 1: you can't walk around angry with God because it affect
Speaker 1: us as as a marriage, as a union, as a family.
Speaker 1: It So you and I prayed and I talked to
Speaker 1: God and I came downstairs, and I felt so much
Speaker 1: better at that time, you know, in that moment, and
Speaker 1: I started studying the Word, and you know, reading the
Speaker 1: Bible more and going to church and and just getting
Speaker 1: closer to God. And I think you're just learned to
Speaker 1: live with it. Don I don't think you ever get
Speaker 1: over it. I don't think for death for anybody, I
Speaker 1: don't think they get over it with a loved one.
Speaker 1: You just try to learn to live with it and survived.
Speaker 1: And I think, just like how you were saying, my
Speaker 1: God presents himself in different ways to carry you to
Speaker 1: those moments. Because even the third time, when my mother
Speaker 1: was sick, you know how it was, uh, I was
Speaker 1: the local producer for the Yulana Adams Morning Show, and
Speaker 1: so doing that show, it was gospel music constantly coming
Speaker 1: in my ear. My mother was a type because I
Speaker 1: had to get up probably at three or three thirty
Speaker 1: to get to the station by five, and in the
Speaker 1: choice she would call me every mom like, my I'm fine,
Speaker 1: don't do it. But even in that process, I didn't
Speaker 1: realize like all that gospel music was carrying me because
Speaker 1: in my mind and being in New York and her
Speaker 1: being in Detroit, I never computed how sick she was.
Speaker 1: And I think I started understanding because they had to
Speaker 1: give her the medicine, like the morphine to help with pain,
Speaker 1: and she was just kinda you know, just not all
Speaker 1: the way too. And I would be upset, like mine,
Speaker 1: you're not listening her, MAA, you're not trying hard enough
Speaker 1: and not understanding the sickness. And it probably wasn't until
Speaker 1: I had went home that that Christmas before, because she
Speaker 1: passed in February and we were going to do some laundry.
Speaker 1: We're doing laundry and she experienced some pain in her
Speaker 1: chest and so I was like, Okay, Mom, we probably
Speaker 1: need to go to the hospital because at that point
Speaker 1: she had been in stage four for about four years.
Speaker 1: And again, my mother is invincible and to me, there's
Speaker 1: nothing that she cannot do. And the moment that I
Speaker 1: realized she was human or like, my god, she must
Speaker 1: be sick. I sat there, she was laying in the
Speaker 1: hospital bed and she cried out for her mother, WHOA.
Speaker 1: I had never felt so helpless, and that's why it
Speaker 1: was kind of a trigger. Even though, the whole situation
Speaker 1: with George Floyd. When somebody is at the point that
Speaker 1: they're calling out for their mother, what And here I
Speaker 1: am twenty five years old and I'm looking at my mother,
Speaker 1: the one that that's all I know. I don't you know,
Speaker 1: I don't have My father is not here, so you know.
Speaker 1: And my sister, she was dealing with preclampsia. Um, she
Speaker 1: was pregnant, so you know, she was under a lot
Speaker 1: of just dealing with that. And I think that was
Speaker 1: that moment. But I think, you know, when we talk
Speaker 1: about loss and dealing with that, I think one of
Speaker 1: the strongest forms sometimes of of of loving someone is
Speaker 1: letting go. And I had to get to a moment
Speaker 1: when I went back out there and I had to say, like,
Speaker 1: my it's okay, because when I'm down there and I'm
Speaker 1: seeing you and it's still not registering that you can't
Speaker 1: open your drink, you can't put the fort to your mouth,
Speaker 1: and I'm angry because I said, mine, you're not trying, yes,
Speaker 1: And it's almost like that kind of grace that you
Speaker 1: have to give with yourself as well as your loved
Speaker 1: one to say okay. So I'm interested to know what
Speaker 1: was your grieving process? Like, yeah, I went through that,
Speaker 1: I felt like. I remember one day I was on
Speaker 1: the phone talking to my mother and I what's mad?
Speaker 1: And I said, Mommy, you're not trying hard enough, You're
Speaker 1: not fighting it. She hung up on me. My mother
Speaker 1: never ever hung up on me. And I was driving
Speaker 1: and I told my husband I said, wow, just humble me.
Speaker 1: He said, what did you say to her? He said,
Speaker 1: how dare you say that to her? And I called
Speaker 1: her back and I cried, and I remember I when
Speaker 1: she got really, really sick. Um. It got to a
Speaker 1: point where my grandmother, my mother's mother, was still a
Speaker 1: lie and she was watching her daughter. And I remember
Speaker 1: she called me and said, will you please allow me
Speaker 1: to take care of my child? Oh? So what do
Speaker 1: you say to that doing? Because it was come to
Speaker 1: a point where I wanted maybe to move my mother
Speaker 1: to New Orleans. My job was there, my husband's job
Speaker 1: was there, and the doctors were advising me against it.
Speaker 1: They said it's too much, you have to come here,
Speaker 1: that her doctors are here, And I said, you're right.
Speaker 1: And my grandmother called me and she said, I know
Speaker 1: that's your mother, but that is my first child, firstborn child,
Speaker 1: Will you allow me to take care of my daughter? Now?
Speaker 1: My grandmother's are nurse. So I said yes, ma'am. I
Speaker 1: would have never forgave myself telling my grandmother, no, you
Speaker 1: can't take care of your job. And we moved to
Speaker 1: my grand my mother to her mother's. How so I
Speaker 1: knew that my mother was being taken care of by
Speaker 1: her mother, who was a nurse, and my mother when
Speaker 1: she passed. Um they told my best friend. They didn't
Speaker 1: want to tell me because I was at the airport
Speaker 1: getting ready to come there. And so my best friend called,
Speaker 1: crying on the bone, you crying for and she didn't
Speaker 1: say anything. And that's when I knew that my mom
Speaker 1: had passed. She couldn't say it, and I screamed. I
Speaker 1: was in the New Orleans airport. Now this is two
Speaker 1: thousand four, so this was like shortly after nine eleven.
Speaker 1: Nine eleven was left two thousand one. So you gotta
Speaker 1: be screaming, you gotta be going off in the airport.
Speaker 1: You know, they're like, hey, what So these black women
Speaker 1: they pulled me to the side. Now, mind you, my
Speaker 1: mother in law worked in the New Orleans airport and
Speaker 1: she wasn't there. She wasn't there that day. And they said,
Speaker 1: these black women, they were older, and they took the
Speaker 1: phone out my head and it was then flip phone back.
Speaker 1: Then took the phone out of my hand, and they
Speaker 1: pulled me to the side and people were boarding the
Speaker 1: plane and looking like, what's wrong with her? And they said,
Speaker 1: what happened, baby? What happened? And I told him and
Speaker 1: I said, my mom is gone. My mom is gone.
Speaker 1: And they said, okay, we got to call somebody. And
Speaker 1: they said, who can we call? And I said, my
Speaker 1: husband and Nick were looking in the you know, the
Speaker 1: flip phone, trying to find what's his name, what's his name?
Speaker 1: And he had just dropped me out at the airport,
Speaker 1: and he turned around and came back and he pulled
Speaker 1: up in the front. Every time I walked through New
Speaker 1: Orleans Airport, I guess just feeling. It's eerie feeling. And
Speaker 1: he pulled up and those those women sat there with
Speaker 1: me and held me until my husband came and I
Speaker 1: flew home. He and I at that time he called
Speaker 1: this boss and said, I gotta go with my wife.
Speaker 1: My mother in law passed. And I remember my one
Speaker 1: of my girlfriends, her name is Natalie. She had lost
Speaker 1: her mother to sickle celle not too um, not too
Speaker 1: long before my mom passed. And I told my family,
Speaker 1: I want Natalie. I want to talk to her because
Speaker 1: she's the only one can I just said, knows what
Speaker 1: I'm going through right now. And Natalie drove and was
Speaker 1: at my grandmother's house and just waited, you know, for me,
Speaker 1: and I saw my mom, you know, and it was
Speaker 1: just it was heartbreaking. It was I couldn't believe it.
Speaker 1: I couldn't believe that had happened, that my mother was gone,
Speaker 1: because I didn't know what to do. And then across
Speaker 1: the hall, there's my grandmother's pastor. He's coming in, he's in,
Speaker 1: he's in the house. And I just sat on the
Speaker 1: floor and I said, how's my grandmother doing right? Because
Speaker 1: she had lost her thoughts, her baby. Yeah, she had
Speaker 1: lost her child and she couldn't even talk. So she
Speaker 1: pulled me to the side and later and said, I
Speaker 1: was there when she took her first breath, and I
Speaker 1: was there when she took her last breath, and I
Speaker 1: think in that moment that was that was for her,
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying. I wasn't there, I wasn't
Speaker 1: there with my mother actually passed so for her mother
Speaker 1: to be there, you know, Um, I never it took
Speaker 1: me a moment to look at it from her perspective,
Speaker 1: from her point of view. So I was like, well,
Speaker 1: I gotta take care of my grandmother, you know, and
Speaker 1: I did. My grandmother passed away new years later. But
Speaker 1: I was hard to ard then, you know. So it
Speaker 1: was like I got a second chance for a little while,
Speaker 1: you know. And then I just think my grandmother just
Speaker 1: died of a broken heart too. She just yeah, she
Speaker 1: had two kids and my mother was her oldest daughter,
Speaker 1: and she wasn't the same. So did you find that
Speaker 1: even after your mom passed, did you have different fears
Speaker 1: or feeling like you don't know what to do? Because
Speaker 1: I know, like I noticed different things like you know,
Speaker 1: I don't know, you know, I would love to have
Speaker 1: my mom and my wedding. That's not gonna happen, um,
Speaker 1: you know, just different moments of celebration, milestones. It's it's,
Speaker 1: you know, you want to be excited, but the first
Speaker 1: one you want to cause your mom, but your mom
Speaker 1: is not there. So I'm just curious, how did you
Speaker 1: transition because all that you've been able to accomplish and
Speaker 1: experience that loss. What was the fuel? How did you
Speaker 1: do it? What advice do you have? She's there? Your
Speaker 1: mother is there. Don she everything that you're going through,
Speaker 1: She's there. Every thing that I went through, I had
Speaker 1: to know that she's there. I am so much like
Speaker 1: my mother. It is hilarious. People in my family go,
Speaker 1: look at pat child. You know when they say they go, Pat,
Speaker 1: I mean in my pictures. My daughter she looks at
Speaker 1: pictures of my mom and she was like, Mom, you
Speaker 1: look just like grandma. I am so much like my mother.
Speaker 1: It is I mean, I don't I like to bowl,
Speaker 1: but not like she did. She was an avid bowler.
Speaker 1: My mother was almost a professional bowler. She good. You
Speaker 1: walked to any bowling alley in Houston, they if I
Speaker 1: say my mother's name, they saying, mitch let your mama
Speaker 1: was a legend. I mean when at her funeral, those
Speaker 1: those people stood up when they wanted to recognize that
Speaker 1: she was a bowler, she was a professional bowler, that
Speaker 1: she traveled, you should have start. It was like bowlers
Speaker 1: from all over they just stood up to you know,
Speaker 1: recognize an honor my mother. So that if you notice
Speaker 1: back in January, was Tasha's birthday, and she's like, my
Speaker 1: mom went to a bowling party. So my family we
Speaker 1: said bowling, let's hit it. You know, that's a part
Speaker 1: of good memories that I have and honoring my mother it.
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna tell you there's not a day that
Speaker 1: goes by that I don't think about her, that I
Speaker 1: don't miss her. She never got to meet her beautiful granddaughter.
Speaker 1: And it was so funny because when I got married
Speaker 1: and at my I had a I had a wedding shower.
Speaker 1: I had a few wedding showers, but I had a
Speaker 1: wedding shower in New Orleans, and my friends through my
Speaker 1: wedding shower at Little Wayne's house. Wow, that's crazy. My
Speaker 1: mother was at there because my mom was like, who
Speaker 1: else is this? Why are you got a jacouzi in
Speaker 1: the liter But I remember I was getting all this
Speaker 1: lajarette all that stuff. Molm was like, yeah, grand baby,
Speaker 1: grand baby. She just wanted me. She wants to be
Speaker 1: a grandmother so bad. She just really wants to be
Speaker 1: a grandmother. So I know that she's up above and
Speaker 1: she's watching on. I know I'm covered and I know
Speaker 1: she's there, and I'm not gonna sit up here and
Speaker 1: tell anybody that's listening and grieving and and you don't
Speaker 1: miss them, but you just got to think about the
Speaker 1: good times and the good memories and they're right here
Speaker 1: and forever in your heart. And I know people saying, hey, hey, yeah,
Speaker 1: but it's the truth because that's all you had. And
Speaker 1: you know that she comes and visits and numbers, and
Speaker 1: I noticed, like I know when my mom is there
Speaker 1: to sec congratulations because even when I gave you my
Speaker 1: weekend segment, of course I wanted to to tell her.
Speaker 1: But it was interesting, Carlo, right after everybody called and
Speaker 1: I'm talking to everybody having a conversation the moment that
Speaker 1: I had a minute to be still, the time is
Speaker 1: full forty four and she loved this, So I don't
Speaker 1: I can't recall who the artist is. But if you
Speaker 1: don't know me by now, you'll never never know me.
Speaker 1: Uh if you Harold, Harold, And it was her saying, Dawn,
Speaker 1: I'm proud of you. Yeah, And I'm just wondering, like
Speaker 1: even for you, like how's your outlook changed on life
Speaker 1: and how you use your time? Do you find yourself
Speaker 1: holding your daughter a little closer? Because you know, what
Speaker 1: that could be like not to be there or just
Speaker 1: you don't want to miss a moment. One thing with
Speaker 1: my daughter that she had that I didn't have was
Speaker 1: a dad there, a dad being there. So family to
Speaker 1: me is first over everything. And I think that now
Speaker 1: that everyone's going through COVID going through have to sit
Speaker 1: down and be at home and quarantine, if you know,
Speaker 1: time to reflect and think about those things. But I
Speaker 1: was always like family over everything, because life is short,
Speaker 1: and when you don't have the family that you thought
Speaker 1: you would have or would be around, then you start
Speaker 1: to appreciate and value all the time that you have.
Speaker 1: Because you know, I was on bed rest. I had
Speaker 1: a very complicated pregnancy. My pregnancy was difficult. You know,
Speaker 1: I had a miscarriage before and the doctors told me
Speaker 1: this is gonna be very hard. You know, I wait
Speaker 1: until I was ninety to have a baby. But oh
Speaker 1: but it was hard and I was in the hospital
Speaker 1: on bed rest for two months. I couldn't get out
Speaker 1: the bed at the hospital like I could get out
Speaker 1: the bed to go use the bathroom and that was it.
Speaker 1: So going through all of that, that journey, you know,
Speaker 1: I look at my daughter, like girl, you gotta appreciate me.
Speaker 1: Do you know what I went through to get you in?
Speaker 1: You know the things that you hear moms say, I'm
Speaker 1: one of those moms now to look dead at my
Speaker 1: dollar up. You know, like those moments they become precious moments.
Speaker 1: You reflect on them and then you just live. You
Speaker 1: just live your life. You don't exist, you live. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and that's it. I don't want to walk around side.
Speaker 1: There are moments done while. I will look at all
Speaker 1: Hallmark commercial and bust out crying because it'll be something
Speaker 1: that reminds me of my mother, my us would be
Speaker 1: like where I come from. I like, no, you know,
Speaker 1: and then I'm through with it. You know, Tasha has
Speaker 1: come downstairs and I've just been in my big crying, crying, crying.
Speaker 1: We sold my grandmother's house recently and the tenants moved out,
Speaker 1: and I felt that they didn't take care of the
Speaker 1: property the way they should have. And I went to
Speaker 1: the property and I cried, cried, I cried. I cried
Speaker 1: because it was childhood memories for me that house, and
Speaker 1: you know I had to let that part of it go.
Speaker 1: So yeah, I am crying about some trash in the
Speaker 1: front y'all, I'm talking about crying done Like everybody been like, girl,
Speaker 1: you're gonna be all right back the trash, but I
Speaker 1: would because my grandmother would never ever allow that to happen.
Speaker 1: You know, she took care of her property and value.
Speaker 1: So it was it was one of those moments. So
Speaker 1: they're going to be times. I'm saying all of this
Speaker 1: to say, there are going to be times in your life.
Speaker 1: You're gonna have moments. You're gonna get saded, you're gonna
Speaker 1: be happy, You're gonna thank your mom for the memories
Speaker 1: and the lessons that she instilled in you. You're gonna
Speaker 1: have all that. It's gonna be up and down, but
Speaker 1: it's gonna be more ups than him. And that's that's
Speaker 1: why I tell people all the time, like when you
Speaker 1: see me, you see my mom that I am is
Speaker 1: what she instilled in me. And I just I remember,
Speaker 1: even you know, being around her, and when she was sick, Carla,
Speaker 1: it was almost like I was trying to prepare my
Speaker 1: brain for what could happen. And when I would go
Speaker 1: back and from New York and I would visit, it
Speaker 1: may something weird, but I just smell her because I
Speaker 1: wanted to remember what you smelled like. I would even take, um,
Speaker 1: I have uh. They had something called like this this
Speaker 1: what's it? Amvo? It was something like this mini recorder,
Speaker 1: And I would just ask her all the questions because
Speaker 1: she's the last bit of knowing about my father, knowing
Speaker 1: about me. And and I just remember, even when you
Speaker 1: were talking about being pregnant, she I have on video
Speaker 1: where she was telling me she said don. She never
Speaker 1: said don. She always called me down doan. You know,
Speaker 1: having a baby it's like going through death, and well,
Speaker 1: just because your body goes through so many changes, it's
Speaker 1: not an easy process. And at the time my sister
Speaker 1: was really like she went completely blind. Her blood pressure
Speaker 1: was up. So you know, even my sister of dealing
Speaker 1: with all the pressure of your mother was dying. And
Speaker 1: I think probably she understood more than what I did,
Speaker 1: because I kind of I was kind of spoiled. And
Speaker 1: I say that the sense of I didn't live it
Speaker 1: every day, you know. And it's only when I came
Speaker 1: home to Detroit that I really fathom to imagine. I think,
Speaker 1: you know, God has a way of protecting us and
Speaker 1: catering each child to what they need. And I just
Speaker 1: think about you and your story because you had had
Speaker 1: two major losses, and then what would you say, like,
Speaker 1: was it two years or three years time spen with
Speaker 1: your first child miscarriage? No, it was a year. It
Speaker 1: was months. It wasn't even a year. How did you
Speaker 1: do that? How did you stand on your feet and
Speaker 1: still be a boss? It was over God, girl, through
Speaker 1: the grace of God, through prayer, through strength, through having
Speaker 1: my family. You know, my husband's family we're so close
Speaker 1: to and they're my family. And my husband has two brothers.
Speaker 1: It was three boys going up. And when I'm around
Speaker 1: my in laws, girl, I have so much fun, you know,
Speaker 1: because I get to see, you know, I have my
Speaker 1: mother in law and my father in law and my
Speaker 1: daughter gets to be with her grandparents, you know what
Speaker 1: I'm saying. So it was I just appreciated my new family.
Speaker 1: I had a new family, and it was hard. It's hard,
Speaker 1: you know, holidays and spending with my in laws and
Speaker 1: not being able to be with my mother. It was
Speaker 1: tough at first, but I I don't know, you know,
Speaker 1: I just know she's there when I'm cooking with my
Speaker 1: mother in law. My mother in law, she's from Louisiana, baby.
Speaker 1: She cook. So there's certain things though, when we cook
Speaker 1: and we lay out the menu, like the Thanksgiving or whatever,
Speaker 1: she goes, Now, you cook that net because that's your
Speaker 1: mama recipe. You cook that. I ain't cooking. I'm a cooking.
Speaker 1: You know, it's still the tradition and family, and that's
Speaker 1: what you have to do. Find a way to have
Speaker 1: those traditions and memories and good times. And I remember
Speaker 1: my my brother in law, my husband's little brother, my
Speaker 1: brother in law, he got a chance to meet my
Speaker 1: mom and top to her, he loved, love, loved my mom.
Speaker 1: So I know one time I was cooking and cooking
Speaker 1: a recipe on my mom's and I remember my brother
Speaker 1: in law he likes to cook. My husband no, but
Speaker 1: my brother in law yes. He uh was like, oh
Speaker 1: wait a minute, that's the recipe uh your mom had.
Speaker 1: Then I said, yeah, it's like, okay, what do you
Speaker 1: do with this? So what do you do with that?
Speaker 1: Just flun times, just memories and just you continue with that.
Speaker 1: And I don't know. For my daughter, I just try
Speaker 1: to be strong for her because it's so tough out
Speaker 1: there for us as a people, as a race, and
Speaker 1: I have to teach this black girl, this love black
Speaker 1: girl of mine, about black girl magic. Me and my
Speaker 1: husband make it a point to remind her where she
Speaker 1: comes from, who she comes from, her ancestors, her history,
Speaker 1: her culture, who are and not to mention her grandmother,
Speaker 1: her grandparents are great grandparents. It's a lot that you
Speaker 1: have to do with children, and you just want to
Speaker 1: show them that it's not all bad, it's not all sad,
Speaker 1: and that you hold onto these memories that your family
Speaker 1: is telling you about these traditions, and you know, there's
Speaker 1: things that my daughter, she's the sweetest and I know
Speaker 1: a lot of people kind of pump up their kids,
Speaker 1: but my daughter is very very You met her to
Speaker 1: the very two little girl, and everybody likes her. Everybody
Speaker 1: loves Tasha. Kids want to be around. I remember this
Speaker 1: little girl. Um she's white. She's white little girl and
Speaker 1: on her dance team, she pulled her name the secret Santa.
Speaker 1: Last year was past Christmas and she got Tasha these
Speaker 1: gifts that Tasha wanted and she said, well, I had
Speaker 1: to get it for Tasha. Everybody likes Tasha. Who doesn't
Speaker 1: like Tasha? She said that her smile. Now, this is
Speaker 1: a girl who's thirteen years old, saying this about another
Speaker 1: little girl, a little white girl, she said, and she said,
Speaker 1: Tasha smile just makes you happy, you know, so to
Speaker 1: hear that that's the kind of daughter that you have,
Speaker 1: and that she's so kind and loving. You know, all
Speaker 1: of that comes from family, and my mother was like that.
Speaker 1: Tasha reminds me a lot of my mother. She's so
Speaker 1: much like my mama and so many ways. And my
Speaker 1: husband's mother she's like her too. She's those two women together.
Speaker 1: We'll be cracking up me and my husband when she
Speaker 1: does something. I may call her look at Pat or
Speaker 1: my mother in law. Her name is Winnie. Let's look
Speaker 1: at Winnie. You know. So you never know with these kids,
Speaker 1: they pulled from all kinds of jin and just sometimes
Speaker 1: you never know, you know, your mother just sleeping in
Speaker 1: just to say I'm right here. Yeah, and I wonder
Speaker 1: I didn't do this, and I'm thinking about doing it.
Speaker 1: Did you ever go talk to anybody about or get
Speaker 1: seek therapy? Like? How do you you know? I thought
Speaker 1: about it. I still think about it. I still think
Speaker 1: about going to therapy and and dealing with the Greek.
Speaker 1: I just haven't and I didn't, and I became so
Speaker 1: busy with especially what Toosha was born. You know, my
Speaker 1: mother in law lives out of town, and I didn't
Speaker 1: have help. I didn't have anybody to help me with
Speaker 1: this need to be the premature baby that I had.
Speaker 1: You know, my baby was Yeah, my baby was you
Speaker 1: look at it, not girl. You can't even tell. She's
Speaker 1: so tall, strong, athletic. Yeah, she's a premy. She was
Speaker 1: four seven pounds. And it was funny because when she
Speaker 1: was born, she was in the nick you and she
Speaker 1: wasn't like you know, you know, when the doctors are
Speaker 1: coming to nick you, you see these little beaty micro babies,
Speaker 1: a little beaty, creamy baby. So they would look at
Speaker 1: Tasha and they go, who big old baby is this?
Speaker 1: Because she was too big for the premium section, but
Speaker 1: she was too small for the regular sections. And they
Speaker 1: look at the micro baby and then they look at
Speaker 1: this baby. She why she over, you know, And it
Speaker 1: was so so funny. And when she was born, you know,
Speaker 1: it's a premature baby. They said, listen, we can't let
Speaker 1: her go home until she learns how to breathe the
Speaker 1: bottle and breathe on her own. She have any problem breathing,
Speaker 1: They just wanted to make sure that she knew when
Speaker 1: she sucked the bottle to breathe, to remember to do
Speaker 1: those steps. And you have to teach them how to
Speaker 1: teach her that. And I remember it was an older nurse.
Speaker 1: She's white nurse. You just don't, Yes, I have trouble.
Speaker 1: You're gonna be here for a while with your baby
Speaker 1: doing it. You're gonna have to really teach it. And
Speaker 1: I was like right and right. So this there was
Speaker 1: two sisters. They were nurses and the nikki, and they
Speaker 1: had on that protective you know, we're nurses, were the
Speaker 1: protective ppe and all that equipment. And they pulled me
Speaker 1: to the side and she said, you just bought a
Speaker 1: black little girl, and square show him the time it
Speaker 1: is hello. And I was just like, can you I
Speaker 1: say not about work, girl. I opened up that incubator,
Speaker 1: I picked up my little bit baby, and I said,
Speaker 1: you're gonna show them if you can do all of
Speaker 1: these things that they don't think that you can do
Speaker 1: in the time frame that you can do. She held
Speaker 1: my little finger, Tasha was holding onto my little finger,
Speaker 1: and all these things I would had to teach her
Speaker 1: and do every single day. And I remember the doctor
Speaker 1: come and say, wow, she ready to go home, and
Speaker 1: black nurses looked at me and week and it's just how,
Speaker 1: you know, labeled out the gate. You know from day one,
Speaker 1: how the heavy burden is. So can you imagine what
Speaker 1: our mothers had to deal with when we were born
Speaker 1: with There's so many things that we just don't know
Speaker 1: that they had to deal with. So stuff like that,
Speaker 1: you know, just little things to try to teach your
Speaker 1: daughter what your mother taught you. Just think about all
Speaker 1: of these things that your mother taught you to be
Speaker 1: who you are today. Can you imagine? So now that
Speaker 1: I'm a mother and I got help, I have a husband,
Speaker 1: I can't even imagine doing it without help. I my head.
Speaker 1: I salute single moms, single women every single day because
Speaker 1: there's no way that I don't think that I could
Speaker 1: just be all that I am and raising a daughter,
Speaker 1: but they do it every single day and raising a child.
Speaker 1: Women do it more than one child. So we are
Speaker 1: so strong. Women are so strong. All racists. I have
Speaker 1: friends that are all background. But let me ask you this,
Speaker 1: do you think there's a such thing as trying to
Speaker 1: be quote unquote too strong? Yes? Because I think myself
Speaker 1: and you know, because that's all I've known how to
Speaker 1: be strong. So you know the idea of feeling like
Speaker 1: without or lost, that that's kind of ode to me.
Speaker 1: And as I've matured, I've realized how much strength it
Speaker 1: is and to be vulnerable. I don't want to say sweet,
Speaker 1: but just to feel it. Because when my mom was
Speaker 1: sick called it. I think. I think I'm just nature
Speaker 1: because I am a go getter and I'm about my business.
Speaker 1: I can get lost in my work and so I
Speaker 1: think there were times where I found mysel of busying
Speaker 1: myself with my job, and those are ways that I
Speaker 1: coped with it. And it wasn't it probably until years
Speaker 1: later did I say, oh my gosh, my mother, she's gone.
Speaker 1: And I think, you know, when you know when I
Speaker 1: asked you earlier about the grieving process, My moment didn't
Speaker 1: happen right away. It probably started hitting me years later
Speaker 1: when I was like, oh, there is actually avoid Then
Speaker 1: I remember back in New York, the assistant program director
Speaker 1: Cynthia Smith. I remember I was like, okay, you know what,
Speaker 1: now I got to speak and I gotta inspire and
Speaker 1: I gotta do this. And she said, wait a minute,
Speaker 1: dawn't you need to take care of yourself because you
Speaker 1: just get so used to just displacing it. And I
Speaker 1: just want to encourage anybody that if you have suffered
Speaker 1: for a loss and if you have gone through anything,
Speaker 1: that's okay to feel and be in your moment because
Speaker 1: you can't keep escaping and understanding that you do have
Speaker 1: to take time with yourself. Absolutely, And you know, guilt,
Speaker 1: that guilt is, it's useless, it's a useless feeling. It
Speaker 1: weighs you down. There's a lot of that that you
Speaker 1: have to uh deal with. And for me, guilt was
Speaker 1: one of it because I took the job and I
Speaker 1: went away with to Chicago. I should have been here,
Speaker 1: you know, just all kind of guilt feelings that I had.
Speaker 1: Maybe I should have took care of her. I don't
Speaker 1: know that Grandma do all the all of this, all
Speaker 1: of these guilt feelings, and you have to I kind
Speaker 1: of when my mom passed, I was just like she's
Speaker 1: on a trip. Because my mother would travel a lot
Speaker 1: to Bold, so I was like, she's on a trip.
Speaker 1: I went through that for a very very long time,
Speaker 1: and it wasn't until I decided to after I had Tasha.
Speaker 1: It's so funny. Uh, Steve was ready for me to
Speaker 1: come back to work. He was some boxes and boxes
Speaker 1: of diapers to my house. Single I'm serious. The ups
Speaker 1: man would go, it's your baby, using all these titlesness,
Speaker 1: isn't some wrong? What's your momy? I said, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: just my co workers are ready for me to come
Speaker 1: back to work, and they wanted to make sure I
Speaker 1: had everything I need. I had everything I needed. It
Speaker 1: wasn't until I got ready to come back to work
Speaker 1: after because I was on bed rest that I realized, Oh,
Speaker 1: I don't have a bath step, Oh I don't have
Speaker 1: oh oh you know. It just started hitting me, like
Speaker 1: I can't call my mama. I can't. I can't call
Speaker 1: your mama. You know, haven't even had the moment. I
Speaker 1: remember my mom first passed. I would pick up my
Speaker 1: phone looking for her call yeah, and I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: she's not calling. Absolutely, I had I did a little
Speaker 1: project before my mom passed. Went from my wedding and
Speaker 1: um one of the guys at the radio station. I
Speaker 1: had my mom like records and stuff and I saved
Speaker 1: it on hard drive. It at my job well, I
Speaker 1: worked in New Orleans and then I transferred the stuff
Speaker 1: to my home computer. Well, Katrina came and destroyed. I
Speaker 1: had nothing with my mother's voice on it. So Katrina
Speaker 1: came and I lost all of that stuff. I just
Speaker 1: I just broke down. I don't have a video from
Speaker 1: my wedding. All of that was at my house because
Speaker 1: the katrainer and my father in law recorded it all.
Speaker 1: I had his pictures. I am I share. That's similar
Speaker 1: because the way I was saying that I would ask
Speaker 1: these questions, I have this device. Uh interesting enough, I
Speaker 1: was in New Orleans when the device stopped working. I
Speaker 1: had worked down there for essence and probably a couple
Speaker 1: of months, probably because I just knew she was thinking.
Speaker 1: I was like, I need to just ask questions, just
Speaker 1: just just in case, and just because I asked the
Speaker 1: inquisitive part of me and I vice, you have to
Speaker 1: plug it in. But it wasn't charging. So I have
Speaker 1: the device to this day, and I refused, I don't
Speaker 1: want to just ship it off because the data is
Speaker 1: on there, so I have to get it off. But yeah,
Speaker 1: I would I and I can definitely relate with that,
Speaker 1: and I have it where I've just saved different voicemails
Speaker 1: and things like that, just so that I can make
Speaker 1: sure and keep her voice there. I don't know if
Speaker 1: I play it back now, but you know, it's just
Speaker 1: good to know. Yeah, I wish I had that. I
Speaker 1: don't even have that, you know, because all the stuff
Speaker 1: that I thought of to do once she passed away.
Speaker 1: My mother passed away December of two thousand and four. Well,
Speaker 1: Katrina happened in August two thousand five, so I don't
Speaker 1: have any of that stuff, you know. So it was
Speaker 1: a lot. I remember talking to a friend and they say,
Speaker 1: you might should go to count Point because you've been
Speaker 1: through a lot, because I had a miscare, I got married,
Speaker 1: I lost my mother there six months later Katrina happened.
Speaker 1: And Carlo, you haven't even mentioned like life, just regular
Speaker 1: life stuff, right, Katrina happened. Um, I moved to New York.
Speaker 1: My husband lost his job touse a Katrina. We moved
Speaker 1: to New York and my husband had to start over.
Speaker 1: Now keep in mind, my husband is a mortgage loan officer,
Speaker 1: and so when we moved to New York to start
Speaker 1: the show Steve Harvey's show, the housing market crash not
Speaker 1: too long after that, but then my husband left this
Speaker 1: job and so he had to start all over again. Now,
Speaker 1: I mean, how the markets back. He's fine. But after
Speaker 1: that two years later, all right, I got pregnant at
Speaker 1: my baby, so it was and had my baby in Houston.
Speaker 1: You know, I wanted to addn't want to um be
Speaker 1: far from my other in law at the time because
Speaker 1: I was on their rest. I didn't know what to expect.
Speaker 1: The doctors was like, you're going to have to be
Speaker 1: in the hospital. You can't be a bad rest on
Speaker 1: home at home because you're not doing it right. Because
Speaker 1: I would I would get up and I was like,
Speaker 1: you obviously don't understand. I was like, oh, you may
Speaker 1: be in the bed like all the time, and it
Speaker 1: was like yeah, like the entire day. All the time.
Speaker 1: I was like, oh, I'm like doing that, and they
Speaker 1: was like, well, you're gonna have to. If you don't,
Speaker 1: we're gonna put you in the hospital. And sure enough
Speaker 1: I got up. My husband taken to the hospital because
Speaker 1: my baby tried going in the early labor and he
Speaker 1: was like, nope, we're keeping you. And that was November, wow,
Speaker 1: and I didn't get out. My daughter was born January seventeen.
Speaker 1: Oh so yeah, it's good. Two and a half months
Speaker 1: in the hospital. Wow. Wow, So you know you talked
Speaker 1: about like letting go of guilt. What are the things
Speaker 1: would you say, like if somebody is experiencing laws, whether
Speaker 1: it's something to be prepared for or just something of
Speaker 1: just what encouragement or advice do you have, Like and
Speaker 1: I want even if it's raw and ugly, I would say,
Speaker 1: the first thing you have to do maybe I don't know,
Speaker 1: maybe you can just find out more about your relative
Speaker 1: or your loved one. Just just find out as much
Speaker 1: as you can about that person, good or bad, and
Speaker 1: try to hold on to the memories and the and
Speaker 1: the feelings and the lessons and the traditions and all
Speaker 1: those things about that person and hold that right there
Speaker 1: in your heart. Study the word I. I started reading.
Speaker 1: I found books. You can't really see this is like
Speaker 1: this is my office, but I had to show you this,
Speaker 1: like some books, right yeah, yeah, yeah, we have a
Speaker 1: lot of books and stuff over there that actually this
Speaker 1: is my husband's office. And then when COVID happened, I
Speaker 1: kicked him out and so uh he was like, don't
Speaker 1: get so he's in the dining room. That's his office.
Speaker 1: Besides doing a lot of mortgage loans in the dining room.
Speaker 1: But I read a lot of inspirational books. I found
Speaker 1: messages from my grandmother about UH that she wrote in
Speaker 1: a flap of all these inspirational books that my mom
Speaker 1: and my grandmother had, and about studying the word and
Speaker 1: and getting close to God. I would also recommend counseling.
Speaker 1: I would say, there's nothing wrong with therapy and getting counseling.
Speaker 1: And I still think that I should do it. I
Speaker 1: should really take the time to do it. I mean,
Speaker 1: obviously we have restrictions because of COVID, but you right,
Speaker 1: you can do it, and you can do it virtually.
Speaker 1: I just feel like with me, with everything that happened
Speaker 1: so fast, I had a baby, a prema short baby,
Speaker 1: and I had to figure out how to be the
Speaker 1: best mother that I can be with my premature baby
Speaker 1: because after I had her, I was able to go home.
Speaker 1: I was an icy you when I deliver my baby,
Speaker 1: and so was she. So they went to my husband
Speaker 1: and they said, listen, my wife, sn't I see you
Speaker 1: and your daughter, And my husband said, we all got
Speaker 1: to figure this out because I can't do this without
Speaker 1: my wife. So y'all figure this out. So so many
Speaker 1: moments where I we went through so much, me and
Speaker 1: him so fast together that we're so strong. And I
Speaker 1: don't say our marriages perfect. I'm not gonna set up
Speaker 1: here and say we don't argue and have disagreements. We
Speaker 1: don't go to bed mad. We if we were disagreeing
Speaker 1: about something, we talk about it because we feel like
Speaker 1: life's too short. My father laws ill right now. So
Speaker 1: now my husband, I'm there trying to be there for
Speaker 1: him because he's dealing with with the stuff as well.
Speaker 1: He saw what I had to go through. So we
Speaker 1: were just together as family and we're trying to be
Speaker 1: too strong parents for our daughter, but not perfect. We're
Speaker 1: not perfect. And there's some things that we try to
Speaker 1: instill in her and we want her to learn, and
Speaker 1: there's some things that um we made. There's some things
Speaker 1: like sometimes I'll say something Tatasha and just because I
Speaker 1: was raised a certain way or it was like that
Speaker 1: for me, I'll say to her, well, that ain't how
Speaker 1: I was raised and that's not how we do it.
Speaker 1: And then me and my husband go, that's not that's
Speaker 1: not her journey, that's not her deal. So we we
Speaker 1: he and I have said to her, you know what,
Speaker 1: We're sorry Tasha, you know what, this is how it
Speaker 1: was for us. This is not like this for you.
Speaker 1: But this is why we said what we said, or
Speaker 1: this is why we're doing what we're doing. So we
Speaker 1: learned to We told her parents make mistakes too, So
Speaker 1: it's all a process. It's all a journey. But don't
Speaker 1: be so judgmental and hard on yourself. Have grace and
Speaker 1: look for perfection, Be grateful, be appreciative. It's people out
Speaker 1: here that are furlough, they're losing their jobs, they don't
Speaker 1: have a peace of mind. It's so much much. It's
Speaker 1: so much going on, and you have to if you
Speaker 1: don't have you know what I'm saying all this. My
Speaker 1: husband is my husband. And if you don't have a husband,
Speaker 1: you have a friend, a girlfriend, a mentor, pastor of preacher,
Speaker 1: someone that you need to be able to talk to.
Speaker 1: And let me say this, and I'm just gonna say
Speaker 1: this because this is what you do as well done.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna say this. Put down that phone, social media.
Speaker 1: Stop trying to live your life the way that other
Speaker 1: people lived their lives. And you think that you're missing
Speaker 1: out on something, and so you're putting pressure on yourself
Speaker 1: to live like the Joneses or this celebrity or that celebrity,
Speaker 1: because you don't know their story. You don't know their
Speaker 1: journey either, so stop trying to have this look if
Speaker 1: you will. That's a lot of pressure to and a
Speaker 1: lot of celebrities. I feel like that's probably what they're
Speaker 1: dealing with and what they're going through trying to keep
Speaker 1: up as well. And I just feel like sometimes when
Speaker 1: you go through a lass, it's just like for me,
Speaker 1: the things that I feel like matters most now that's
Speaker 1: what I pay attention to. I realized, you know how
Speaker 1: much I gotta take a chance of myself. And that's
Speaker 1: why I go so hard right now, because Carli, I
Speaker 1: gotta make this work, because that's why I wasn't with
Speaker 1: my mother. But you go too hard. Talk to me,
Speaker 1: You go hard, hard on and I want you to
Speaker 1: be able to smell the roses. Sometimes just step back
Speaker 1: because it's not going anywhere. It's if you're in a race.
Speaker 1: We got you, girl. You are in a great position.
Speaker 1: You're a great talent, you were talented, you're creative. It's okay.
Speaker 1: There's no clock. There's no clock, there's no race, and
Speaker 1: you've got to stop putting so much pressure on yourself. Now,
Speaker 1: don't get me wrong. You have a high pressure job
Speaker 1: and people don't know what you do day to day.
Speaker 1: I know what you do day to day. You know
Speaker 1: what I do day to day. It's a high pressure job,
Speaker 1: and I know that's that's stressful too. But for yourself,
Speaker 1: stop judging yourself on got to get this done, gotta
Speaker 1: get that done, gotta get let it be, live your
Speaker 1: life and joy when it comes, it's gonna come. Look
Speaker 1: at you mentioned your segment. You've mentioned that your mom
Speaker 1: was there for you for your segment. It happened, may
Speaker 1: not will come when you want it, but it be
Speaker 1: there right on time. Just's like Godden. People say he's
Speaker 1: an on time god, Yes he is, and things. You
Speaker 1: just realize how things have to go in place. And
Speaker 1: that's a true word. Because I'm trying to I want
Speaker 1: to learn that balance and I guess for me, and
Speaker 1: that's why I'm like, Okay, I asked you about how
Speaker 1: you're grieving process is because I put that pressure on
Speaker 1: because for me, oh my gosh, hey y'all, I have
Speaker 1: no other drawing down over here, Carla. I don't have
Speaker 1: a choice, the option to not make it. That's done
Speaker 1: it for me. You made it, though, who do you
Speaker 1: mean not to make it? You want to have my
Speaker 1: own like you know, to to to have like a
Speaker 1: you know, to live a life where you know I
Speaker 1: have my home and I'm able to travel where you
Speaker 1: know I'm working with my brand. Because the only thing
Speaker 1: I'll say it if I didn't, I will never forgive
Speaker 1: myself because it's like, darn, you could have been with
Speaker 1: your mother. But I do have to balance because I
Speaker 1: know my mother would want me to live. And I realized,
Speaker 1: like even when I was when I was in New
Speaker 1: York and I used to assist a radio personality named Egypt.
Speaker 1: She lives in Atlanta. Now, it was probably then that
Speaker 1: I probably tried to learn to balance, because that's when
Speaker 1: I started to realize time and where time is spent.
Speaker 1: So I'm making sure and that's why I was like,
Speaker 1: you know, even speaking to somebody else that you know,
Speaker 1: if your thing is not drugs and it's not working out,
Speaker 1: if you're not into that, don't forget that. Sometimes you
Speaker 1: can get caught up in working and not to distract yourself.
Speaker 1: And like how we talked about being so present and
Speaker 1: living on purpose protecting your space, knowing who you're giving
Speaker 1: your energy to. M But that was definitely a word.
Speaker 1: That's a word from me. Yeah, only you can you
Speaker 1: can arrive in the moment and enjoy that moment. You've
Speaker 1: arrived and you've accomplished something that you've said out to
Speaker 1: accomplish and you haven't even had a chance to enjoy it. Yet.
Speaker 1: You've arrived at something that you obtained. It was a
Speaker 1: goal on shore on your vision board or your bucket
Speaker 1: list or whatever it was. You can check that off
Speaker 1: as complete, but you haven't even really enjoyed that. You're
Speaker 1: selling it and you're branding it. But celebrate that moment
Speaker 1: and don't feel bad about it. Enjoy it and celebrate
Speaker 1: and say, Okay, now that I've had that moment, let
Speaker 1: me look to see what's net not resta restaurants. Let
Speaker 1: me get to this now I got that that will
Speaker 1: bring about stress. Stress brings about chronic disease, that deponest
Speaker 1: disease brings about illness. And we just talked about how
Speaker 1: our mothers had chronic disease and had an illness. So
Speaker 1: it is an issue with us as black women, it's
Speaker 1: an issue with us as black men. But it's an
Speaker 1: issue where everybody stress will kill you and the pressure,
Speaker 1: the pressure that you put on yourself will bring the stress.
Speaker 1: And I, you know, you and I we talk a lot,
Speaker 1: and I'm just like girl chopping. And then I saw
Speaker 1: that I'm good. I'd rather be at home, sitting on
Speaker 1: the couch watching the movie with my kid, or watching
Speaker 1: the movie the color. It's easy for you to say
Speaker 1: you've already traveled the world, but you didn't. Yeah, I'm
Speaker 1: saying I had to get to that point. But while
Speaker 1: I was in that moment on I enjoyed it. I
Speaker 1: didn't pressure myself to say, well, I gotta get this, this, this, this, this, this, this,
Speaker 1: and if I don't get all these things, than it.
Speaker 1: I didn't do that. I enjoyed the moment. What's next.
Speaker 1: It comes, it comes, if it doesn't, it doesn't. It's
Speaker 1: not the end of the world. But you are a hustle.
Speaker 1: And there's nothing wrong with a hustles. Not I'm not
Speaker 1: saying don't hustle, but you gotta find that balance between
Speaker 1: the hustle and taking them taking the time out too.
Speaker 1: Was a bad boy movies. Who's Gotta tell you who'sa
Speaker 1: Who's Martin Lawrence those years. Who's you gotta take that moment?
Speaker 1: Because if you don't, you hustling for what? For a
Speaker 1: little bit for what? But not now you sit, you
Speaker 1: didn't hustle yourself into. But we're gonna speak that. No, no,
Speaker 1: no no. And I just made anybody, yeah, I'll told
Speaker 1: yourself into and you know what was all that? For?
Speaker 1: What was? And I think that's what I happened to
Speaker 1: look at when I came out to LED. I was
Speaker 1: the moment like, okay, John, I was time to to
Speaker 1: to be intentional with everything. Yeah, that is something that
Speaker 1: I am actively working and making sure, you know, carving
Speaker 1: at that time and making sure how to put self
Speaker 1: first because you know, when I talk about vitamin D,
Speaker 1: you know and making deposits in your account, this is
Speaker 1: all about shutting light to everyone and my name being
Speaker 1: a pun off a vitamin D and getting that from
Speaker 1: the sun. But another thing I talked about life bank
Speaker 1: account and we have to take time and even as
Speaker 1: you've spoken as a reminder of me when we talk
Speaker 1: about our life bank account, just like you do have
Speaker 1: a checking account, what kind of deposits and what kind
Speaker 1: of liabilities are in your account? And here's the thing,
Speaker 1: whether that is the chase of oh, deposit, deposit, ground,
Speaker 1: ground ground, you can't live like that because it's all
Speaker 1: about finding that balance. And that's one thing I think
Speaker 1: is so admirable that when I see you, because it's
Speaker 1: like you've had trauma in your life and yet you
Speaker 1: can still balance to be a successful woman, a successful
Speaker 1: wife and amazing mother and still living out the dreams
Speaker 1: that you want. So I look at you and I
Speaker 1: say wow. And then on top of all of that
Speaker 1: amazing stuff, you're a person and your relatable and you
Speaker 1: can understand and you can empathize. So I appreciate you
Speaker 1: for that and be an example to me for that. Girl,
Speaker 1: It is my pleasure. I am here from for you,
Speaker 1: from my sisters, my brothers. It's just we're just out
Speaker 1: here like like most. Just be real about it, you know,
Speaker 1: just keep it one thousand and be real about it
Speaker 1: and let folks know about the journey and what what
Speaker 1: is going on and what is the head because like
Speaker 1: I said, I just don't want to look up and
Speaker 1: say where did it come? Yeah, what happened? Yeah? I don't,
Speaker 1: I really really don't. I want to be aware. I
Speaker 1: want to being president. I want to enjoy, you know,
Speaker 1: with the T shirt to my daughter too, because kids
Speaker 1: are like that too. You know, we lay stuff out,
Speaker 1: they do stuff, they hang, they beat with their friends
Speaker 1: and then they go, what's snacks. I'm bored, Like we're
Speaker 1: sitting down to mare thede a little bit. We're just there.
Speaker 1: I'm bored, um, you know, and then they pick up
Speaker 1: their phone and you know, they onto the next thing.
Speaker 1: But we had to teach them the same thing. And
Speaker 1: we have to remind ourselves. I wonder where you get
Speaker 1: that from. Yeah, girl, but I love us. Vitamin D.
Speaker 1: It came to me when I lived in New York
Speaker 1: and it was like, you know, probably uh probably don't
Speaker 1: on the brink of when my mom did pass away,
Speaker 1: and it was something this god came into because inspiring
Speaker 1: and motivating, that's just me. That's what I thrive on,
Speaker 1: that's what sites me like. That's just threading of that.
Speaker 1: And it started out as I would use lyrics of
Speaker 1: popular music and I would intertwine into a motivational message
Speaker 1: and even as you said, don't smell the roses. It's
Speaker 1: it's almost been ten years since I even birth Vitamin
Speaker 1: D and now to see the transition of how metaphors
Speaker 1: it went through a process of metamorphosis to be a
Speaker 1: podcast on my heart and I am sitting right now,
Speaker 1: I am talking to a program director of a nationally
Speaker 1: syndicated radio show, like thank you for thank you for
Speaker 1: investing in my dreams, thank you for taking this time
Speaker 1: with me. No, really, like this is how pleasure whatever
Speaker 1: you want, girl, I got you. You got next, Honey.
Speaker 1: I love to sit back and watch who's next. That talent,
Speaker 1: that energy that you have, that experience, all of that,
Speaker 1: all of that that you bring to the table. Girl,
Speaker 1: I'll be sitting back on look at look at that.
Speaker 1: Do my thing. Then I'd be like, thank god, she
Speaker 1: got next. And then you know what you pay That's
Speaker 1: what it's all about, right, That's what we do. So
Speaker 1: how can we paying forward to support you? Uh? You know,
Speaker 1: I know that you do have very initiatives, various initiatives
Speaker 1: when it comes down to breast cancer awareness. Is there
Speaker 1: anything you want people to know or any causes that
Speaker 1: you stand in the forefront that we can help support
Speaker 1: with well, as far as you know, breath cancer awareness.
Speaker 1: Like you said, I'm I'm a tireless breast cancer advocate.
Speaker 1: I do a lot of things for different organizations of
Speaker 1: breast cancer awareness, whether or it's an organization that is
Speaker 1: focused on making sure that people of low income neighborhoods
Speaker 1: have proper funding available for mammograms and self test breast examination,
Speaker 1: whether it's an organization that's asking me to go asking
Speaker 1: me to participate in a walk, you know, whether it's research,
Speaker 1: whether it's UM talking to people regarding being a survivor
Speaker 1: being a co survivor. I've had the opportunity to go
Speaker 1: speak with the Black Caucus UH years ago in Washington,
Speaker 1: d C. And this is when President Obama was in office,
Speaker 1: and I had an opportunity to talk along with doctors
Speaker 1: and on collegests and research and other community leaders about
Speaker 1: how important it is to keep funding available for women
Speaker 1: of color to make sure that if they're taking care
Speaker 1: of them taking care of themselves as far as healthcare
Speaker 1: and UM, because a lot of times with us, I
Speaker 1: think with the myth about breast cancer, UM, we don't
Speaker 1: take the time to go to the doctor. And I
Speaker 1: think that's a problem that women have. You know, we
Speaker 1: take care of everybody's kids, the man, that everybody else,
Speaker 1: and then we don't take the time to go go
Speaker 1: to the doctor. So just all of these different initiatives
Speaker 1: that it's my pleasure, it's my honor, it's my obligation
Speaker 1: and duty to be a part of. So I'm a
Speaker 1: part of all of that. I have something that's coming
Speaker 1: up pretty soon, maybe next month in August, that I'm
Speaker 1: going to be a part of. I think, you know,
Speaker 1: it's like everything got shifted with COVID, so a lot
Speaker 1: of things. People are having to restructure things and do
Speaker 1: things virtually and online. So whatever it takes for us
Speaker 1: to keep continuing to get the word out because of COVID,
Speaker 1: cancer ain't stopper, you know, it ain't. So we got
Speaker 1: to make sure that, yes, we are safe from COVID,
Speaker 1: but we've got to make sure that we are focused
Speaker 1: and bringing awareness about cancer and other chronic illnesses. And
Speaker 1: that's loving ourselves, that's eating right, that's working out, that's
Speaker 1: just saying piece be still, yes, thank giant nutrition. All
Speaker 1: of that. Okay, So I was wondering, um, where can
Speaker 1: folks follow you or find out more information? I know
Speaker 1: they can hear you Monday through Friday on the Steve
Speaker 1: Harvey Morning Show, but beyond that, how can they check
Speaker 1: you out. You can hit me up at Lips by
Speaker 1: Carla on Instagram, Twitter as well, and then on Facebook
Speaker 1: Carla Ferrell All Cats. That's my fan page. Follow your
Speaker 1: girl Lifts by Carla Carla for well, well, thank you
Speaker 1: so much for being with me today. Thank you for
Speaker 1: speaking life and to me, oh, thank you, don thank
Speaker 1: you for having me look at vitamin D as a
Speaker 1: gift that keeps on giving. Girl. This was's therapy for
Speaker 1: both of us. I know people listening to this podcast
Speaker 1: will be like this, but it was needed, it was needed,
Speaker 1: it was needed. Yes, okay, well, thank you so much.
Speaker 1: And if you're out there, understanding that if you're dealing
Speaker 1: with the loss, you don't have to do this alone.
Speaker 1: Understand to be patient with yourself, have grace with yourself,
Speaker 1: learn to love you and learn you right. Understand that
Speaker 1: time does heal, but you have to be patient with
Speaker 1: it and understand that loving on yourself is loving on
Speaker 1: someone else. So thank you Carlin for being here, thank
Speaker 1: you for speaking life, and most importantly, thank you for
Speaker 1: further instilling why it's important to understand that you are
Speaker 1: your greatest asset. That's it for Vitamin D today. And wow,
Speaker 1: now that conversation was even healing for me. I can't
Speaker 1: tell you how important it is to surround yourself with friends, colleagues, mentors,
Speaker 1: people that can help support you on your journey, people
Speaker 1: that can speak on certain and similar situations that you've
Speaker 1: been going through. So thank you Carla Farrell for sharing
Speaker 1: your story, for being so open, so honest or vulnerable,
Speaker 1: for just being you. And I want to say this
Speaker 1: to you as well, um to you listening, that you
Speaker 1: know losing my mom to this day is by far
Speaker 1: the most traumatic, the most heart breaking thing I've experienced.
Speaker 1: But I think at the same time, or I think
Speaker 1: I know at the same time, is that there's nothing
Speaker 1: that I can't face after experience in such a loss
Speaker 1: like that. It makes me think of seeing and her
Speaker 1: song Titanium. She says, I'm bulletproof, nothing to lose, fire away,
Speaker 1: fire away, And that's what I feel, That's what I
Speaker 1: feel like the loss of my mother has given to me.
Speaker 1: There's nothing that I can't do. There's nothing that I
Speaker 1: won't do because I can't get that time back with
Speaker 1: my mother. And I know how much you put into
Speaker 1: me to become everything that I am, so I have
Speaker 1: to use this pain that's hurt to propel me to
Speaker 1: make sure that I see out my wildest dreams. And
Speaker 1: that's what I want for you, because when you realize
Speaker 1: that time waits for no one. You can't wait for
Speaker 1: a perfect opportunity. You can't wait for somebody to offer
Speaker 1: you a job. You can't wait till you lose a
Speaker 1: certain amount of weight. I need you, I want you.
Speaker 1: I plead you to live right now. And every loss,
Speaker 1: every pain that you've experienced it. Think of it like
Speaker 1: a callous think of it like a shield where things
Speaker 1: just start to reflect off of it. Because you've been there,
Speaker 1: done that. You are stronger, you are wiser, You are
Speaker 1: a warrior. So if you loved Carla as much as
Speaker 1: I did and you want to learn more about her,
Speaker 1: make sure you catch her Monday through Friday on the
Speaker 1: Steve Harvey Morning Show. You can also find her online
Speaker 1: at Lips by Carla, on Instagram and Twitter, and on
Speaker 1: Facebook at Carla Ferrell all caps, And as always, you
Speaker 1: can catch us where you get your podcasts every Monday
Speaker 1: on the I Heart Radio app or wherever you listen
Speaker 1: to your favorite podcast for more inspiring conversations and insights,
Speaker 1: and if you're looking to get even more vitamin D
Speaker 1: in your life. You can also follow me at Dawn
Speaker 1: Day speaks on all social media. That's Dawn d a
Speaker 1: I speaks on all social media. And until next time,
Speaker 1: always remember you are your greatest asset.