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Speaker 1: Yeah, let's just keep a real straight shot with no Jason.

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna get a little bit rougher. I'm here for it.

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Speaker 1: Those who really believe in the American process, all of

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Speaker 1: us straight Shot No Chasing, What's your Girl? Tesla figure

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Speaker 1: Out on the Black Effect podcasting that word that work?

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Speaker 1: What is good? Straight Shooters? This is another episode of

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Speaker 1: Straight Shot No Chasing with Tesla and figure Out. Man.

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Speaker 1: I'm so excited about this show. I say that a lot,

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Speaker 1: but I'm really excited about this show because those of

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Speaker 1: you that follow me on I G you know, I

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Speaker 1: always try to put in a sneak tip on sex

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Speaker 1: every now and then. I try to make it political.

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Speaker 1: But it is so good to be able to have

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Speaker 1: a conversation in the open, in the public, and to

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Speaker 1: get deeper on the conversation of sex. Those of you

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Speaker 1: who may be saying, why is she talking about sex? Well,

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Speaker 1: as I just mentioned, I have always mixed that in

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Speaker 1: in my politics. In fact, you can go check out

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Speaker 1: my short storybook on Amazon which is called Kitties Letter, Politics, Passion,

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Speaker 1: and Power, and it talks about sex. It talks about politics,

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Speaker 1: and it talks about power. Because all three of those

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Speaker 1: things go together. And if you know any politician, they

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Speaker 1: are always talking about sex. They may not talk about

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Speaker 1: it publicly, but they definitely talk about it behind the scenes.

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Speaker 1: And there's always politics involved in everything. And what I

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Speaker 1: mean politics involved everything, I don't necessarily mean from a

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Speaker 1: government standpoint, But yes, there are conversations around sex when

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Speaker 1: we talk about government, when we talk about contraceptive when

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Speaker 1: we talk about abortion, when we talk about LGBT rights

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Speaker 1: and seeing folks as sexual post agenda and all of that.

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Speaker 1: There are conversations we can have around sex. But right now,

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Speaker 1: I'm even just talking about just in the bedroom, you know,

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Speaker 1: just having relationships. Politics is all about a relationship, all

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Speaker 1: about compromise, all about negotiation, always about you know, what

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Speaker 1: I bring to the table, what you bring to the table,

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Speaker 1: that gift in that exchange, and how we honor one another,

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Speaker 1: reward one another, our gift each other in that to me,

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Speaker 1: has a lot to do with sex. But I'm gonna

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Speaker 1: see if I'm right, because in the building we have

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Speaker 1: Dr Donna Oreo Wo who is joining me. She is

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Speaker 1: a sex therapist and international speaker, clinically licensed social worker,

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Speaker 1: and sex and relationship educator, not just she's not like

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Speaker 1: me just talking on Instagram. I am an educator, but

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Speaker 1: I'm not a sex and relationship educator. I'm just make

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Speaker 1: it up as I go. But she is really a

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Speaker 1: sex in relationship educator and therapists located in the Washington,

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Speaker 1: d C. Metro area, and I'm so happy to have

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Speaker 1: her here to talk about a little bit of sex. Welcome.

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Speaker 1: Can I call you dot Donna or dr Ario. What's

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Speaker 1: what's the best way that we can address Donna, whatever

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Speaker 1: works for you. I am okay, great for having me.

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Speaker 1: I'm very exciting me too. I'm excited to be here too.

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Speaker 1: When I'm read your bio, it kind of had a

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Speaker 1: you know, and I'll talked to Marcy about it yesterday

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Speaker 1: because I said, it's a couple of different things going on.

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Speaker 1: You know, you talk about colorism, you talk about hair,

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Speaker 1: you talk about sexuality, which is different because when I

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Speaker 1: see sex therapists, first thing I wanted to do was

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Speaker 1: just come straight in and talk about you know, why

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Speaker 1: size matters, and let's talk about size and you know,

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Speaker 1: all the stuff that's important to me. But but reading

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Speaker 1: and it probably it probably needs some therapy. I'm using

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Speaker 1: this interview Loki's therapy. But uh, but when I read

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Speaker 1: your bio, because I said, let me actually probably talk

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Speaker 1: to her about when you came to the show to

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Speaker 1: talk about So let me give you the floor for

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Speaker 1: a second to explain, because I was a little bit

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Speaker 1: confused on how those things. I know. I'm sure it's

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Speaker 1: connected to self esteem and confidence and feeling good about yourself,

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Speaker 1: which ultimately you know comes out of your sexuality. But

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Speaker 1: it's plain to me what you see you're calling or

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Speaker 1: your mission is, because it clearly is beyond just talking

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Speaker 1: about size and the importance of size, even though size

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Speaker 1: doesn't matter. I just want to put that out there.

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Speaker 1: But go ahead and tell us, you know what what

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Speaker 1: is your calling? UM? My calling is black women always. UM.

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Speaker 1: It is what can I do to make Black women's

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Speaker 1: lives easier and not just easier, but more pleasure field Um,

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Speaker 1: And for me, that is, uh, that's a two prong problem.

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Speaker 1: On the one end, I talk directly to black women

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Speaker 1: and doing therapy, um, whether it's with them and a friend,

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Speaker 1: then and their partner, or just them by themselves. So

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Speaker 1: we're doing the therapy part, we're doing the direct education part.

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Speaker 1: We're doing that piece all the time. But I'm like,

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Speaker 1: you know what, you still go out here in this world,

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Speaker 1: as racist as it is, and have to find a

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Speaker 1: way to live your authentic life that brings you pleasure

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Speaker 1: and happiness and peace in a space that doesn't want

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Speaker 1: to allow you to access happiness and peace. So on

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Speaker 1: the other end, I'm also educating usually white organizations who

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Speaker 1: serve black folk and how they can be a little

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Speaker 1: less racist, and how they can actually welcome black people,

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Speaker 1: black women in particular into their space because of that

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Speaker 1: intersection of being black and being woman, and how neither

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Speaker 1: of those are necessarily exalted positions to be in. And

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Speaker 1: then when you start adding in the other pieces that

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Speaker 1: they just choose to not like about you, like the

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Speaker 1: darkness of your skin, the kinkiness of your hair, and

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Speaker 1: you're just adding one layer on top of the other.

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Speaker 1: I'm just like, all right, Yeah, we got work to do.

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Speaker 1: I'm like, I don't want to see black women tearing

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Speaker 1: other black folks down or tearing each other down, and

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Speaker 1: I certainly um am not inviting any white folks or

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Speaker 1: other people of color to do the same. So for me,

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Speaker 1: it's how do I do this work? And part of

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Speaker 1: the way that I do this work is through a

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Speaker 1: not right I am. I'm doing the therapy on the

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Speaker 1: one end, I'm doing the teaching on the other. So

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Speaker 1: for me, none of these things are ever separate. Um

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Speaker 1: because people do ask like, oh, mental health and sexual

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Speaker 1: health and racial justice, and where do all these things

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Speaker 1: come together? They come together, and you the individual, the

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Speaker 1: person because you you go out there, you try to

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Speaker 1: rock with who you are. But if the world is

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Speaker 1: telling you that you ain't, like, I cut a lot,

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Speaker 1: so I'm trying to keep it. You know, people be

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Speaker 1: out here talking shit all the time, trying to bring

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Speaker 1: you down, trying to make you feel like ship, and

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Speaker 1: I'm just like, well, none of that stuff is good

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Speaker 1: for your mental health, none of it is good for

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Speaker 1: your sexual health, because oftentimes what we end up hapven

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Speaker 1: is a disconnect between our minds and our bodies, between

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Speaker 1: who we believe we are and what other people say

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Speaker 1: we are. And sometimes we just act record and what

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Speaker 1: other people already got to say about us so that

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Speaker 1: we can keep ourselves safe. So that we can because

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Speaker 1: other people are proven themselves to not be safe for us.

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Speaker 1: So when I say that in all of it madness

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Speaker 1: to your mental health, I'm looking like yeah, it takes

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Speaker 1: up a lot of mental energy and space. Um, and

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Speaker 1: I know that a lot of us, you know, we

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Speaker 1: pry ourselves and being able to do that code which

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Speaker 1: in real quick from the corporate hello on the phone

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Speaker 1: to being able to talk well with your girls. But

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Speaker 1: the problem is over time that causes that can also

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Speaker 1: cause anxiety and depression and low selfusteem and when those

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Speaker 1: things decide that they want to come together into your

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Speaker 1: dating life, it also means that you're more likely to

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Speaker 1: accept bullshit that you should not in relationships that you

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Speaker 1: are in. You're less likely to have the sex that

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Speaker 1: you're wanting to have because you're not even a relationship

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Speaker 1: that you want to be in. So your relationships look

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Speaker 1: like trash. Your sex life looks like trash. You're not

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Speaker 1: drinking enough water, your head, don't grow your body, itch,

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Speaker 1: and none of it is working for you. So in

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Speaker 1: the end of the day, how do I help you

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Speaker 1: have a pleasure field life? I'm just like, well, the

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Speaker 1: first one is drink some water, minded business and stop

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Speaker 1: at here inuntil white supremacy. So I'm just like, so

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Speaker 1: let's start there and then your sex life will flourish

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Speaker 1: and blossom because white folks will tell you all that. Like,

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Speaker 1: like when you look at like the history around sex

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Speaker 1: and sexuality, especially as it relates to women, uh, the

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Speaker 1: women and people of color in particular, it's all about

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Speaker 1: how women are supposed to be chase and they're not

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Speaker 1: actually supposed to desire sex. They're just supposed to be

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Speaker 1: available for particularly male partners, to do with their bodies

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Speaker 1: as they please. That you endure sex, you don't enjoy sex.

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Speaker 1: And then on top of that, if you're black, then it's, oh,

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Speaker 1: well you are over sex. You're promiscuous, and you have

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Speaker 1: an uncontrollable sex drive and a need for sex that

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Speaker 1: lets you be open to being raped because the person

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Speaker 1: who's raping you is now doing you a favor. So

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Speaker 1: I'm just like, well, now you've got all of this stuff.

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Speaker 1: None of it went away, So it just continues on

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Speaker 1: and how people relate to black women, especially around their

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Speaker 1: sex and their sexuality, This idea that you don't even

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Speaker 1: own your body and that you are already masculinized in

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Speaker 1: their eyes because of that, the extra hard desire for

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Speaker 1: sex that allows people to be able to touch your

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Speaker 1: body to rape you with impunity. Yeah, and and so

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Speaker 1: what I've noticed that was a good word, especially when

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Speaker 1: we talk about corporate women. So there's a couple of

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Speaker 1: different things, you know, corporate women, and then you know,

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Speaker 1: I talked with the people that are in the struggle

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Speaker 1: quote unquote the revolutionaries and and our struggle with you know,

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Speaker 1: balancing what you desire and being okay to have their

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Speaker 1: conversation in a public space. Because I have this conversation,

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Speaker 1: you know, with every now and then I'll put something

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Speaker 1: up on Instagram, and even my producer said says, you

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Speaker 1: really should talk about this more. People love it, they love,

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Speaker 1: they respond, they engage, they you know, but there's always

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Speaker 1: still this one which I don't give a damn. I'm

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Speaker 1: straight shot, no chase, by the way, but there's always

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Speaker 1: this one. I can't believe you're talking like you know

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Speaker 1: or wow, you're going there. I thought you were talking

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Speaker 1: abo something else, because people are just not comfortable. I

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Speaker 1: guess what women in the corporate space are certainly not

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Speaker 1: quote unquote activists and revolutionaries, you know, being comfortable, you know,

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Speaker 1: having conversations around sex and being clear about what it

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Speaker 1: is they want and what it is that they desire

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Speaker 1: and what it is you know that they're looking for

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Speaker 1: in a sexual relationship. And I put a post up

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Speaker 1: yesterday just because I wanted to use it for the

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Speaker 1: sake of this conversation. And the post said, you know,

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Speaker 1: I'm interviewing a sex therapist tomorrow and you know size matters,

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Speaker 1: and I always can tell you know. And I said,

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Speaker 1: if you say, if you respond to this any type

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Speaker 1: of way, if you say that, I'm side shame. And

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Speaker 1: you tell me everything that I need to know. But

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Speaker 1: it's always really interesting, you know, the feedback that I get.

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Speaker 1: You'll have a group of women and say, you know, no, size,

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Speaker 1: it's not important to me. I you know, I like

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Speaker 1: various types. I'm more in the oral sex, or I'm

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Speaker 1: more into you know, something different than You'll have some

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Speaker 1: women say no, this is what I like, and then

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Speaker 1: you have a lot of men. I always notice, even

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Speaker 1: when the post is directly related to women, men and

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Speaker 1: I'm asking women what they think, men will start to

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Speaker 1: interject and what they should think. You know, one guy said, oh,

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Speaker 1: what size doesn't matter when the rent is do which

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Speaker 1: sends what message that I have to tolerate misery or

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Speaker 1: like you said a minute ago, not being pleasured just

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Speaker 1: because I have to pay you know you have to

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Speaker 1: pay the rent, or another guy will say, well, it

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Speaker 1: must be something wrong with you mother. It must be

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Speaker 1: you know, your body, your walls a different thing you

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Speaker 1: know to put it on women. Or it shouldn't be

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Speaker 1: about size. What about how he takes care of you

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Speaker 1: or what? What about what type of man he is?

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Speaker 1: And it's always something which is all true if you're

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Speaker 1: talking about what type of man you know character. I

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Speaker 1: want a man to treats his mother ride I want this,

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Speaker 1: but to me, you can tell me if I'm wrong.

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Speaker 1: When I'm talking about the relationship of a man. You

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Speaker 1: know what I'm looking for in a man, how he

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Speaker 1: treats his mom. You know what type of job he has?

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Speaker 1: Is education and status that I view what I'm talking

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Speaker 1: about sexually. When I'm having this one sexual topic as

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Speaker 1: what I desire? Are what I like sexually? Do you

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Speaker 1: find people? Is it? I guess it's my right or wrong?

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Speaker 1: But I'm trying to figure out what what is that?

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Speaker 1: I guess do our compartment Am I good at compartmentalizing things?

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Speaker 1: Or is it okay to know that this is what

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Speaker 1: I want in a sexual relationship and that doesn't take

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Speaker 1: away from what I want in an intimate, you know, relationship,

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Speaker 1: confident on our boyfriend or husband. But is it okay

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Speaker 1: for a woman to say this is what pleasures me,

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Speaker 1: and I shouldn't be shamed into liking what you think

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Speaker 1: I should like or how I should like it, or

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Speaker 1: because of my income status, are because of who I am,

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Speaker 1: or because I'm a public person. This is what I like,

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Speaker 1: And there's really no right or wrong. It's just a

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Speaker 1: woman that knows her body. One of the girls said, well,

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Speaker 1: you can google and see that most women you know

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Speaker 1: get orgasms to Oral said, I don't have to google

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Speaker 1: to and what imagine me as an Alexa? Hey Alexa,

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Speaker 1: what do I like? Alexa probably gonna respond back and say, girl,

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Speaker 1: you don't know, you don't know what you're like. I

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Speaker 1: don't need Google to tell me what I like, So

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Speaker 1: tell me, doc am I just you know, it's something

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Speaker 1: wrong with me for knowing, at this age, at forty,

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Speaker 1: what I like in a sexual relationship. And what do

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Speaker 1: you think that says when you have so many different

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Speaker 1: comments like break it down to us on how we're

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Speaker 1: playing in the white supremacy with that or emotional or

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Speaker 1: mental like what does that mean that so many people

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Speaker 1: rushed to that response, and then you got the little

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Speaker 1: brother that standing up of the teeny whenie union that's

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Speaker 1: constantly talking about it must be y'all, that must be

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Speaker 1: this and always your brother, you know. So so what

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Speaker 1: what is what is that? And do I have a problem?

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Speaker 1: Do I like side shaming? You know? Is it something

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Speaker 1: about Do I enjoy calling out teenny wheenies? Do I

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Speaker 1: need therapy? Doc? And something wrong with me? Is there's

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Speaker 1: something that happened in my past that enjoys, you know,

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Speaker 1: highlighting the well endowed versus the little peeny whenies or

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Speaker 1: or what is it? Maybe? Maybe something wrong with me?

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Speaker 1: You help me, Doc, Honestly, it's like I gave like

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Speaker 1: so so much, So where do I start? I want

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Speaker 1: to sell a lot to unpass. Just like you know,

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Speaker 1: women who know what they want, right and usually women

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Speaker 1: in the corporate space, women who know what they want sexually.

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Speaker 1: People don't like those women because they reek of power.

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Speaker 1: The power of the power that self knowledge gives you

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Speaker 1: means that other people simply do not have access to you,

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Speaker 1: and they they demand to have that access. So if

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Speaker 1: you're a corporate woman, now you make a certain dollar

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Speaker 1: amount and you're saying that you don't want somebody who

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Speaker 1: doesn't make an equal dollar amount. Now you're a bit

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Speaker 1: right if you say that, Well, I like this insects.

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Speaker 1: Now you're a bit because these people who don't no

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Speaker 1: longer have access to you are upset because they have

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Speaker 1: been taught that women are here for their titillation and

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Speaker 1: their entertainment, for their enjoyment, and that they should have

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Speaker 1: access to any woman they should desire, and that a

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Speaker 1: black woman in particular have that another I'm correct with

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Speaker 1: what it is that she wants, because how dare she

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Speaker 1: She's the bottom of the barrel. Nobody wants her, so

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Speaker 1: she should accept what she is getting. You're going to

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Speaker 1: inside Kevin Samuel's on this weekend, Okay, go ahead. Well,

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Speaker 1: so like that. That's that that this idea of power

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Speaker 1: and ownership always tends to come right back because men

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Speaker 1: sometimes people just want access to something that they can't have,

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Speaker 1: like everybody out here, Like I don't know how many

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Speaker 1: songs out here have Holly Berry's name in it, Like

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Speaker 1: I'm trying to do this, but Holly Berry, I'm trying

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Speaker 1: to be with Holly Berry. I'm looking like meanwhile, Holly

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Speaker 1: Berry gets to make a decision, so you can try

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Speaker 1: to be with whatever you like. But if Holly Berry

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Speaker 1: says no, then the answer is what. So there's that piece.

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Speaker 1: There's the power and male privilege thinking that they should

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Speaker 1: have access to anybody that they desire, right, But then

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Speaker 1: there's also the coddling of male egos. Black people have

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Speaker 1: been taught to care for white feelings. That is what

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Speaker 1: we've been talked to you. We've been talked to coddle them,

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Speaker 1: to food them, to make them feel better, usually as

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Speaker 1: a way to maintain our own bodily safety in their present.

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Speaker 1: Women have been taught the same and the presence of males,

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Speaker 1: we've also been taught the ultimate pick me words, which

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Speaker 1: is it doesn't matter to me about this, this, and this,

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Speaker 1: which basically saying look at me, highlight me, pick me,

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Speaker 1: choose me, love me. I won't hold you to a standard.

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Speaker 1: I make no demands of you. I will cook, clean ant,

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Speaker 1: suck your dick and make you feel happy. I will

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Speaker 1: do everything I vot cater to you, because baby, this

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Speaker 1: is your day. I will do everything for you, and

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Speaker 1: I require nothing in return. I simply require you to

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Speaker 1: be my partner and to claim me on occasion and

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Speaker 1: hopefully on social media, can you so low that people

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Speaker 1: are being crushed under the weight and then are taught

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Speaker 1: not to have expectation and men are talking not to

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Speaker 1: me them when we're talking specifically about heterosexual relationships in

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Speaker 1: the power that name it is that that ensue. So

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Speaker 1: I'm just like, I see answers like, oh, but I

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Speaker 1: don't require that. Oh it doesn't matter. It doesn't really

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Speaker 1: matter as male egos and their their their little feelings.

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Speaker 1: And then for on the other end, you have the

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Speaker 1: men that want to make sure that that that they

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Speaker 1: put the blame back on you because number one hit

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Speaker 1: dog teller. They they're saying that they don't meet your

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Speaker 1: requirements and that they are upset that they do not

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Speaker 1: have the access to you that they need, which means

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Speaker 1: that now they must hurt your feelings. They must bring

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Speaker 1: you down and tear you down to put you in

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Speaker 1: your place. That is the goal that they have. And

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Speaker 1: saying the things that they say in the way that

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00:17:44,840 --> 00:17:47,479
Speaker 1: they say, they are trying to remind you that you

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00:17:47,520 --> 00:17:51,280
Speaker 1: are already seeing as undesirable and as of as all

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Speaker 1: you should have no desires other than someone pick you,

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Speaker 1: choose you, love you, On the other end, size does

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Speaker 1: not actruly matter. It battles for me, dunk. I'm sorry.

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Speaker 1: I'm standing on that. That's what I'm like. It matters

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00:18:07,640 --> 00:18:09,959
Speaker 1: to you, and that's I think that knowing what it

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00:18:10,040 --> 00:18:12,119
Speaker 1: is that you like, what feels good for you, I

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00:18:12,119 --> 00:18:15,800
Speaker 1: think that's important. I think that where it comes um

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Speaker 1: sort of the head is that it all falls under

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Speaker 1: body shaming because a man cannot control the sizentifist dick

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Speaker 1: any more than a woman can't really control the size

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00:18:23,680 --> 00:18:26,400
Speaker 1: of any other no do So we do a lot

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Speaker 1: of body no no, no, only day tall man. Oh no, no,

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00:18:29,840 --> 00:18:32,119
Speaker 1: no man, only do But I'm not shaming. That's just

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Speaker 1: what I like, Like, I don't feel like it's shaming.

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00:18:34,520 --> 00:18:36,600
Speaker 1: I just I'm just not gonna do it. And you know,

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00:18:36,600 --> 00:18:38,360
Speaker 1: maybe I need to go through therapy. And on top

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Speaker 1: of that, these dudes almost like in the end of

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Speaker 1: the day for me, I'm just like, well you could

358
00:18:44,240 --> 00:18:47,040
Speaker 1: also if somebody has a requirement for a larger penis

359
00:18:47,040 --> 00:18:50,000
Speaker 1: than what you've got, why should your feelings be hurt?

360
00:18:50,280 --> 00:18:53,920
Speaker 1: Go buy a toy and be like I stroke game

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00:18:54,080 --> 00:18:56,520
Speaker 1: on our thousand let me get let me strap this

362
00:18:56,600 --> 00:18:59,960
Speaker 1: toy on and show you something. But a lot of

363
00:19:00,040 --> 00:19:03,400
Speaker 1: men are also very scared of using toys because for them,

364
00:19:03,400 --> 00:19:07,880
Speaker 1: it's emasculating that a woman should receive additional pleasure from

365
00:19:07,920 --> 00:19:10,639
Speaker 1: something that is not them. So they see as a

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00:19:10,680 --> 00:19:13,320
Speaker 1: loss of power and that they cannot bring you pleasure.

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00:19:13,480 --> 00:19:15,600
Speaker 1: And I'm just like, if you use the toy on

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00:19:15,760 --> 00:19:19,600
Speaker 1: your partner, if you use the toy on your partner,

369
00:19:19,880 --> 00:19:23,280
Speaker 1: you are now bringing them pleasure. If your penis size

370
00:19:23,400 --> 00:19:26,280
Speaker 1: is not up to the job of what has been requested,

371
00:19:26,400 --> 00:19:30,040
Speaker 1: there are dual toys that allow you to get your

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00:19:30,160 --> 00:19:34,959
Speaker 1: pleasure by putting in certain your penis in an object

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00:19:35,240 --> 00:19:39,600
Speaker 1: that then expands the pleasure for your partner. And if

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Speaker 1: you are unwilling to do that, I'm I'm what I'm

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Speaker 1: hearing is you should not be having sex with the

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Speaker 1: person you're having sex with. That's what I'm hearing. I'm

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00:19:46,000 --> 00:19:48,159
Speaker 1: also hearing that you're more interested in your own pleasure

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Speaker 1: and your own ego than your partner's pleasure. And all

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00:19:50,880 --> 00:19:54,119
Speaker 1: of these things, to me say in equal relationships that

380
00:19:54,280 --> 00:19:57,680
Speaker 1: make no sense. And I say leave. I totally agree

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Speaker 1: with what you're saying. I do want to kind of

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00:20:00,560 --> 00:20:04,360
Speaker 1: backtrack a little bit on that because I think every

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Speaker 1: woman they're looking for a relationship. That's number one. Everyone's

384
00:20:07,800 --> 00:20:10,560
Speaker 1: not looking for a relationship, everybody, every woman. There's some

385
00:20:10,600 --> 00:20:13,359
Speaker 1: women that have been married, like myself. I've been married,

386
00:20:13,600 --> 00:20:16,320
Speaker 1: I have a kid, I have other things going on.

387
00:20:16,680 --> 00:20:18,240
Speaker 1: There are a lot of women like me that they're

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00:20:18,280 --> 00:20:20,600
Speaker 1: not interested in a husband, They're not interested relationship. They

389
00:20:20,640 --> 00:20:23,120
Speaker 1: may just simply be looking for sex. Now somebody can

390
00:20:23,160 --> 00:20:25,119
Speaker 1: say that's right or wrong. It just may be a

391
00:20:25,160 --> 00:20:30,160
Speaker 1: friend with benefits and if she has certain requirements. You know,

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00:20:29,880 --> 00:20:31,639
Speaker 1: I hear what you're saying. When you're saying, oh, he

393
00:20:31,680 --> 00:20:34,480
Speaker 1: can't control he's small, Okay, that's great, He's not my

394
00:20:34,640 --> 00:20:36,720
Speaker 1: ideal type. I mean, you can call a shame man,

395
00:20:37,119 --> 00:20:39,239
Speaker 1: you can call it whatever. I don't. I don't have

396
00:20:39,280 --> 00:20:41,120
Speaker 1: a problem. I hear what you're saying, but I don't

397
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Speaker 1: and I agree with what you're saying. But I don't

398
00:20:43,280 --> 00:20:46,240
Speaker 1: have a problem. If men like taller women, are shorter,

399
00:20:46,359 --> 00:20:50,480
Speaker 1: women are batter women, are slimmer women, or whatever. People

400
00:20:50,480 --> 00:20:53,159
Speaker 1: have their preference, what they're attracted to. It is a

401
00:20:53,200 --> 00:20:55,679
Speaker 1: lot of that probably followed under white supremacy, probably so.

402
00:20:56,119 --> 00:20:58,240
Speaker 1: But I'm attracted to what I'm attracted to. I mean,

403
00:20:58,280 --> 00:21:00,560
Speaker 1: that's it. And when it comes to sex, your pleasure

404
00:21:00,640 --> 00:21:04,480
Speaker 1: for me because I'm not looking for a husband and

405
00:21:04,600 --> 00:21:06,880
Speaker 1: I may not be looking for that type of relationship

406
00:21:06,920 --> 00:21:09,800
Speaker 1: that you're talking about. I don't feel that my time

407
00:21:09,840 --> 00:21:11,760
Speaker 1: in life or where I am. I'm just using me

408
00:21:11,760 --> 00:21:14,520
Speaker 1: as example some things I don't necessarily have to compromise on,

409
00:21:14,680 --> 00:21:19,159
Speaker 1: and I feel if a woman is not so. For example,

410
00:21:19,160 --> 00:21:21,240
Speaker 1: if you're looking for a husband and you want a husband,

411
00:21:21,400 --> 00:21:23,320
Speaker 1: it shouldn't start off in the bedroom. That shouldn't be

412
00:21:23,359 --> 00:21:24,880
Speaker 1: the most important thing. How do we treat his mom?

413
00:21:24,880 --> 00:21:26,359
Speaker 1: And how do you treat his kids? Do we want

414
00:21:26,200 --> 00:21:27,800
Speaker 1: to get you know, all those things you're talking about?

415
00:21:27,960 --> 00:21:30,040
Speaker 1: But what about women that's not looking for that? What

416
00:21:30,080 --> 00:21:32,160
Speaker 1: if it really is I just want you to break

417
00:21:32,200 --> 00:21:34,240
Speaker 1: me off and I know what I like and I

418
00:21:34,240 --> 00:21:36,480
Speaker 1: don't want a toy. I just want somebody that's well

419
00:21:36,560 --> 00:21:39,680
Speaker 1: and doubt What about that? And you ask for that

420
00:21:41,040 --> 00:21:45,359
Speaker 1: as you? I mean honestly that for me. That's the

421
00:21:45,359 --> 00:21:48,720
Speaker 1: long and short of it. I'm like in any relationship,

422
00:21:48,880 --> 00:21:51,960
Speaker 1: you have to decide what you value. You have to

423
00:21:52,000 --> 00:21:54,560
Speaker 1: know what you value and ask for the things that

424
00:21:54,600 --> 00:21:56,879
Speaker 1: you value. Um you have to make sure that you

425
00:21:56,920 --> 00:21:59,240
Speaker 1: have boundaries that are based off the values that you have.

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00:21:59,720 --> 00:22:02,560
Speaker 1: So it's the most important thing for you in a relationship,

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00:22:02,600 --> 00:22:05,359
Speaker 1: in any relationship is sex. And the sex is whack,

428
00:22:05,560 --> 00:22:08,640
Speaker 1: then that's not your husband. What about you're not looking

429
00:22:08,640 --> 00:22:13,480
Speaker 1: for it's not your right, that's not your partner's. Yeah,

430
00:22:13,800 --> 00:22:16,239
Speaker 1: it's nothing. It's nothing, and nobody to you. It's just

431
00:22:16,280 --> 00:22:19,439
Speaker 1: like hey, like, no, it's not about hurting your feelings.

432
00:22:19,440 --> 00:22:21,680
Speaker 1: It's just that you don't mean what I need at

433
00:22:21,680 --> 00:22:23,879
Speaker 1: this time. And you know what, thank you for ap flying.

434
00:22:25,280 --> 00:22:30,160
Speaker 1: I mean, I mean really like that the job requires this.

435
00:22:30,760 --> 00:22:33,679
Speaker 1: You do not have what is necessary in order to

436
00:22:33,760 --> 00:22:37,520
Speaker 1: me these job requirements. UM, I'm sorry because I guess

437
00:22:37,520 --> 00:22:39,640
Speaker 1: I'm trying to because what I heard a moment ago,

438
00:22:39,840 --> 00:22:42,119
Speaker 1: and maybe I need listen, but what I heard what

439
00:22:42,280 --> 00:22:45,000
Speaker 1: you're saying, well, he can't control his penis size, and

440
00:22:45,400 --> 00:22:47,840
Speaker 1: basically sound like you should work with them. And because

441
00:22:47,840 --> 00:22:51,159
Speaker 1: that goes into shaming, that's not what you said. No,

442
00:22:51,520 --> 00:22:55,240
Speaker 1: not that. UM. I think that everybody has an idea

443
00:22:55,240 --> 00:22:56,679
Speaker 1: of what it is that they like and what it

444
00:22:56,760 --> 00:23:00,159
Speaker 1: is that they want. I think that you go with

445
00:23:00,240 --> 00:23:02,480
Speaker 1: a thing that feels truest for you. I can't tell

446
00:23:02,520 --> 00:23:04,840
Speaker 1: you what's true for you. I can only tell you

447
00:23:05,040 --> 00:23:08,280
Speaker 1: on the general term. Generally speaking, people like to use

448
00:23:08,320 --> 00:23:11,600
Speaker 1: the word preferences to hide behind things that are often

449
00:23:11,880 --> 00:23:16,840
Speaker 1: steeped in white supremacy and anti blackness. So we like,

450
00:23:16,920 --> 00:23:19,679
Speaker 1: I have a preference for dark scanned people, I have

451
00:23:19,720 --> 00:23:22,800
Speaker 1: a preference for light skinned people, And I'm looking like

452
00:23:22,800 --> 00:23:25,199
Speaker 1: if you have a preference for that which is already

453
00:23:25,200 --> 00:23:29,920
Speaker 1: aligned with power, then generally speaking, you're also helping to

454
00:23:29,960 --> 00:23:33,800
Speaker 1: continue the rhetoric around power as it relates to that thing, like, oh,

455
00:23:33,840 --> 00:23:36,320
Speaker 1: I I just have a preference for thin bodied women.

456
00:23:36,359 --> 00:23:38,600
Speaker 1: I'm looking like you don't have a preference with thin

457
00:23:38,680 --> 00:23:42,320
Speaker 1: bodied women. You have a society given idea of who

458
00:23:42,440 --> 00:23:44,840
Speaker 1: is valuable and who is not, and you have gone

459
00:23:44,880 --> 00:23:47,760
Speaker 1: along with what society said. That is not a preference.

460
00:23:48,640 --> 00:23:51,240
Speaker 1: A preference is what you choose, not what society chose

461
00:23:51,320 --> 00:23:53,880
Speaker 1: for you. And if we are not going to examine

462
00:23:54,119 --> 00:23:56,320
Speaker 1: what it is and why it is that we like

463
00:23:56,520 --> 00:23:58,840
Speaker 1: the things that we like, we are just falling in line.

464
00:23:58,880 --> 00:24:01,359
Speaker 1: We're not choosing for our sol We're still being chosen for.

465
00:24:02,400 --> 00:24:04,000
Speaker 1: So what about people have a preyer forence for dark

466
00:24:04,000 --> 00:24:08,439
Speaker 1: skinned man like myself. I'm a I'm attracted to dark

467
00:24:08,480 --> 00:24:11,440
Speaker 1: skinned man. That starts. It starts getting on shaky ground, right,

468
00:24:11,520 --> 00:24:16,480
Speaker 1: because dark skin has often been um compared to and

469
00:24:16,760 --> 00:24:21,280
Speaker 1: tied with masculinity. So usually we're also at the same

470
00:24:21,320 --> 00:24:23,520
Speaker 1: time that we're saying we have a preference for something else,

471
00:24:23,520 --> 00:24:27,720
Speaker 1: we're also sometimes even just slightly demonizing something else. We

472
00:24:27,800 --> 00:24:30,800
Speaker 1: don't like light skin men because they're a feminist. I'm like, well,

473
00:24:30,840 --> 00:24:33,320
Speaker 1: who told you that light skin was a feminist? White

474
00:24:33,359 --> 00:24:35,800
Speaker 1: supremacy told you that. So do you actually have a

475
00:24:36,160 --> 00:24:38,720
Speaker 1: preference for dark skinned men or do you have a

476
00:24:38,760 --> 00:24:42,400
Speaker 1: preference for that which feels more manly to you based

477
00:24:42,440 --> 00:24:45,200
Speaker 1: off of white supremacy told you, which is often why

478
00:24:45,240 --> 00:24:48,600
Speaker 1: people tend to prefer people who are well endowed, which

479
00:24:48,640 --> 00:24:51,320
Speaker 1: is also based off what white supremacy said. They say

480
00:24:51,359 --> 00:24:56,480
Speaker 1: black man got well, we know, well, white supremacy line

481
00:24:56,480 --> 00:24:59,280
Speaker 1: because they all don't have big digs, so I'm gonna

482
00:24:59,320 --> 00:25:06,080
Speaker 1: clean clean their But I don't mind it being our stereotype.

483
00:25:06,119 --> 00:25:07,920
Speaker 1: In back, I said that on my Live this morning.

484
00:25:08,000 --> 00:25:11,639
Speaker 1: We gotta march and we gotta organize around keeping necestereal

485
00:25:11,680 --> 00:25:14,480
Speaker 1: type of lives. I think it's a positive stereal type.

486
00:25:14,560 --> 00:25:16,320
Speaker 1: But this is why you're the therapist and I'm not.

487
00:25:16,440 --> 00:25:19,440
Speaker 1: This is why I'm the host, and you have supremely

488
00:25:19,480 --> 00:25:23,679
Speaker 1: negative repercussions. Right, But having a big you have the

489
00:25:23,880 --> 00:25:27,760
Speaker 1: idea that you do is why right folks and right

490
00:25:27,840 --> 00:25:30,240
Speaker 1: men in particularly used as a reason for killing black

491
00:25:30,240 --> 00:25:33,120
Speaker 1: men in order to protect white Well yeah, yeah, that

492
00:25:33,119 --> 00:25:35,800
Speaker 1: that's just the idea that they're going to rape your

493
00:25:35,840 --> 00:25:41,520
Speaker 1: women with their big black decks. So they're this uncontrollable,

494
00:25:41,680 --> 00:25:45,800
Speaker 1: usualized buck that needs to be controlled and put down.

495
00:25:46,600 --> 00:25:48,880
Speaker 1: And then you have all the systems that have been

496
00:25:48,880 --> 00:25:54,399
Speaker 1: created in order to put black men in jail. Hold

497
00:25:54,440 --> 00:25:58,399
Speaker 1: onto the thing. We're also holding onto what comes with it.

498
00:25:58,680 --> 00:26:00,359
Speaker 1: I'm like, if we want the things, and we have

499
00:26:00,440 --> 00:26:04,639
Speaker 1: to continue to recognize the consequences of what. Yeah, you like,

500
00:26:04,680 --> 00:26:07,080
Speaker 1: if you want to eat cake all day, I'm like, well,

501
00:26:07,080 --> 00:26:09,399
Speaker 1: one day you ship gonna come out extra brain and

502
00:26:09,400 --> 00:26:11,239
Speaker 1: you'll start it going hurt. I'm just like, I mean,

503
00:26:11,280 --> 00:26:14,400
Speaker 1: you could eat cake all day, but and it tastes delightful,

504
00:26:14,440 --> 00:26:15,960
Speaker 1: but it might not feel so good coming out on

505
00:26:16,000 --> 00:26:20,359
Speaker 1: the other end. So we can, like the stereotype around

506
00:26:20,520 --> 00:26:23,000
Speaker 1: big black dicks and all that other stuff. But what

507
00:26:23,040 --> 00:26:25,040
Speaker 1: else does it come? Will? Girl? You're saying the word.

508
00:26:25,080 --> 00:26:27,040
Speaker 1: And so basically I'm learning today that all the words

509
00:26:27,040 --> 00:26:30,199
Speaker 1: that I do in social justice with atturning Crump and

510
00:26:30,240 --> 00:26:33,440
Speaker 1: all over this country and being up Bernie Sander's Racial

511
00:26:33,480 --> 00:26:35,719
Speaker 1: Justice directed, all of this time, I've like big Black Dick,

512
00:26:35,800 --> 00:26:37,280
Speaker 1: I just like saying it open over because you say

513
00:26:37,359 --> 00:26:41,280
Speaker 1: the first I am contributing to the very thing that

514
00:26:41,320 --> 00:26:43,320
Speaker 1: I'm trying to fight. But I'm sorry, you just got

515
00:26:43,320 --> 00:26:45,120
Speaker 1: to be in prayer. I guess I just need therapy

516
00:26:45,080 --> 00:26:47,080
Speaker 1: because I like it, doc, And that's just the bottom line.

517
00:26:47,119 --> 00:26:50,480
Speaker 1: And I don't know. I guess I'm contributing to the stirms.

518
00:26:50,560 --> 00:26:52,639
Speaker 1: I don't know. I need help. This is why I mean,

519
00:26:52,720 --> 00:26:54,800
Speaker 1: probably the longest saying. It's more about like how do

520
00:26:54,840 --> 00:26:57,880
Speaker 1: we open it right? So like just opening it up,

521
00:26:58,200 --> 00:27:01,760
Speaker 1: having it's a good conversation. It now is is a

522
00:27:01,760 --> 00:27:04,600
Speaker 1: part of how we break the sort of the stereotypes.

523
00:27:04,720 --> 00:27:07,000
Speaker 1: Because one thing that I like to remind people that

524
00:27:07,160 --> 00:27:10,080
Speaker 1: being black is never the burden. White supremacy is always

525
00:27:10,080 --> 00:27:12,480
Speaker 1: the burden. So the burden is not necessarily on the

526
00:27:12,480 --> 00:27:14,840
Speaker 1: big black. This is what what white people and white

527
00:27:14,840 --> 00:27:19,080
Speaker 1: supremacy does because of their fear of big black disks.

528
00:27:19,560 --> 00:27:22,760
Speaker 1: So I'm like, there's nothing wrong with even having a

529
00:27:23,119 --> 00:27:26,280
Speaker 1: love or desire for them. It's not even wrong to

530
00:27:26,359 --> 00:27:30,960
Speaker 1: have a fan pase dedicated to them. It is what

531
00:27:31,000 --> 00:27:33,600
Speaker 1: do we do on the other end to make sure

532
00:27:33,720 --> 00:27:37,480
Speaker 1: that in our love of this thing, that we are

533
00:27:38,760 --> 00:27:42,520
Speaker 1: helping to protect the people that are in doubt? Absolutely well, well,

534
00:27:42,600 --> 00:27:44,800
Speaker 1: but I love for dark skin. How do we protect

535
00:27:44,840 --> 00:27:47,480
Speaker 1: the dark skin and a world that does not actually

536
00:27:47,520 --> 00:27:53,000
Speaker 1: like it? Things? What are the consequences, what are the

537
00:27:53,000 --> 00:27:56,479
Speaker 1: white supremacist consequences with them, and what are we doing

538
00:27:56,600 --> 00:27:59,560
Speaker 1: to sort of draw the line in the Absolutely well,

539
00:28:00,160 --> 00:28:02,080
Speaker 1: I certainly knew that was a compare. I knew that

540
00:28:02,119 --> 00:28:05,080
Speaker 1: those things equated, you know, with sexualizing us as people.

541
00:28:05,320 --> 00:28:08,520
Speaker 1: Um I'm only front line every day in racial justice,

542
00:28:08,520 --> 00:28:11,600
Speaker 1: so I'm definitely doing my part. But um, I just

543
00:28:11,640 --> 00:28:13,560
Speaker 1: like the way it feels that and that's just you know,

544
00:28:13,680 --> 00:28:16,159
Speaker 1: that's the bottom line, and I kind of want to

545
00:28:16,200 --> 00:28:18,560
Speaker 1: stand on that, and I just need more therapy. I

546
00:28:18,600 --> 00:28:21,879
Speaker 1: do understand, you know, I understand what you said. The difference.

547
00:28:21,880 --> 00:28:23,520
Speaker 1: I think it's important people to know that I do

548
00:28:23,600 --> 00:28:25,880
Speaker 1: got somebody light skin. Oh, that's fine, and my that's

549
00:28:25,880 --> 00:28:28,040
Speaker 1: really one of my friends. He finds held us light skins.

550
00:28:28,040 --> 00:28:31,320
Speaker 1: So I'm not anti light. I just I'm attracted to

551
00:28:32,240 --> 00:28:34,600
Speaker 1: I think dark skin is beautiful, so I just think

552
00:28:34,640 --> 00:28:36,960
Speaker 1: it looks good. I love the way it looks. It's

553
00:28:37,000 --> 00:28:58,400
Speaker 1: just gorgeous to me. I do a live every now

554
00:28:58,480 --> 00:29:01,160
Speaker 1: and then we're talking about woke sex, just says with

555
00:29:01,240 --> 00:29:03,640
Speaker 1: joke because I say, because that's another thing about in

556
00:29:03,640 --> 00:29:07,640
Speaker 1: this space. Because I'm in the social justice space, a

557
00:29:07,680 --> 00:29:10,160
Speaker 1: lot of the men are. They're very woke, you know,

558
00:29:10,320 --> 00:29:13,280
Speaker 1: Queen and King and I joke a lot about how

559
00:29:13,400 --> 00:29:16,920
Speaker 1: I don't want woke sex because I would be trying

560
00:29:16,920 --> 00:29:18,840
Speaker 1: to talk about how big it is, and you would

561
00:29:18,840 --> 00:29:20,720
Speaker 1: stop me and say, what did you know that the

562
00:29:20,720 --> 00:29:22,600
Speaker 1: white man is what made you think it is big?

563
00:29:22,680 --> 00:29:24,240
Speaker 1: And if the white man had to did this, you

564
00:29:24,280 --> 00:29:26,240
Speaker 1: wouldn't like it. I just want to call you, daddy,

565
00:29:26,280 --> 00:29:29,320
Speaker 1: What did you know that it was really white supremacy

566
00:29:29,560 --> 00:29:31,720
Speaker 1: when we was getting whooped and beat that had to this?

567
00:29:31,800 --> 00:29:34,360
Speaker 1: Is that this reminds me of like what it would

568
00:29:34,400 --> 00:29:37,959
Speaker 1: be the hel woke sex. Even though I think this

569
00:29:38,040 --> 00:29:42,280
Speaker 1: conversation is very important. This is why in my space

570
00:29:43,120 --> 00:29:46,200
Speaker 1: where I'm like, I don't know if you'll find sexual

571
00:29:46,280 --> 00:29:48,440
Speaker 1: this is the struggle of revolutionary women. Just let me

572
00:29:48,480 --> 00:29:52,280
Speaker 1: tell you. Because when you're around woke brothers like you,

573
00:29:52,400 --> 00:29:55,000
Speaker 1: like you extra woke, like you know what the big

574
00:29:55,000 --> 00:29:58,880
Speaker 1: decker lines within white supremacy what oral said, I mean,

575
00:29:58,880 --> 00:30:01,000
Speaker 1: you got it down. But when I'm in the bedroom,

576
00:30:01,000 --> 00:30:06,360
Speaker 1: can I just enjoy sex without all of that? Yeah? Okay,

577
00:30:06,440 --> 00:30:11,280
Speaker 1: please do please please. I talked to people about Spectator

578
00:30:11,320 --> 00:30:12,520
Speaker 1: and all the time, I'm not going to leave that

579
00:30:12,560 --> 00:30:14,800
Speaker 1: stuff outside the bedroom door. Please don't bring that in

580
00:30:14,800 --> 00:30:18,160
Speaker 1: there with you. Like, have the sex that you enjoy,

581
00:30:18,360 --> 00:30:21,400
Speaker 1: do what feels good without trying to bring the politics

582
00:30:21,440 --> 00:30:23,680
Speaker 1: of everything into the bedroom. I mean, so many people

583
00:30:23,680 --> 00:30:27,240
Speaker 1: talk about whether or not that it means they're gay

584
00:30:27,320 --> 00:30:29,600
Speaker 1: if they like something up their ass, And I'm just like,

585
00:30:29,800 --> 00:30:33,640
Speaker 1: leave that ship outside the bedroom door. It doesn't need

586
00:30:33,680 --> 00:30:35,720
Speaker 1: to follow you in there. Do the things that you

587
00:30:35,880 --> 00:30:38,960
Speaker 1: enjoy that bring you enjoyment. Now, if it causes you

588
00:30:40,640 --> 00:30:45,640
Speaker 1: all this mental distress, yeah, probably enjoy it and feel

589
00:30:45,640 --> 00:30:47,600
Speaker 1: a lot of shame around it. And that is when

590
00:30:47,600 --> 00:30:49,440
Speaker 1: I say you probably need to also come see your

591
00:30:49,440 --> 00:30:52,320
Speaker 1: sex therapist. Do you think I need therapy to work

592
00:30:52,360 --> 00:30:54,840
Speaker 1: some of that stuff out. If you don't have no

593
00:30:54,920 --> 00:30:59,040
Speaker 1: shame about I'm in fact, I think we should propose

594
00:30:59,160 --> 00:31:02,560
Speaker 1: legislation to play people size on their driver's license. That's

595
00:31:02,560 --> 00:31:05,440
Speaker 1: how serious it is. I want to know right after

596
00:31:05,520 --> 00:31:14,440
Speaker 1: real call a side shape of coll I need all

597
00:31:14,440 --> 00:31:16,640
Speaker 1: the information, all of that. One of the girls said, well,

598
00:31:16,680 --> 00:31:18,720
Speaker 1: how don't have that? I think that you can access

599
00:31:18,720 --> 00:31:21,480
Speaker 1: type of stuff like up front though, yeah, do you girl,

600
00:31:21,480 --> 00:31:24,360
Speaker 1: Because the same way that people ask about everything else,

601
00:31:24,480 --> 00:31:26,960
Speaker 1: like oh what do you do for a living, that

602
00:31:27,000 --> 00:31:30,840
Speaker 1: are like, well, what's the size? Looking like your equipment

603
00:31:31,400 --> 00:31:33,880
Speaker 1: to see if your size and my and my needs

604
00:31:33,880 --> 00:31:36,560
Speaker 1: are compatible with one another. I think that you are

605
00:31:36,680 --> 00:31:39,960
Speaker 1: allowed to do the thing that feels good, right and

606
00:31:40,120 --> 00:31:45,120
Speaker 1: sane for you. And in making a boundary known to

607
00:31:45,240 --> 00:31:47,880
Speaker 1: other people, they are able to say whether or not

608
00:31:47,880 --> 00:31:50,320
Speaker 1: they even want to continue, absolutely whether or not they

609
00:31:50,400 --> 00:31:53,160
Speaker 1: have the equipment. They get to make a decision for

610
00:31:53,200 --> 00:31:55,320
Speaker 1: themselves about whether or not they would like to interact

611
00:31:55,400 --> 00:31:57,480
Speaker 1: further with you based off what it is that you

612
00:31:57,560 --> 00:31:59,800
Speaker 1: already put out there, like this are this is what

613
00:31:59,840 --> 00:32:01,920
Speaker 1: I need, this is my requirements, this is what I

614
00:32:01,960 --> 00:32:03,920
Speaker 1: doubt you If you don't meet this. Please do not

615
00:32:04,160 --> 00:32:06,680
Speaker 1: come my way, and certainly don't spend your time trying

616
00:32:06,720 --> 00:32:08,760
Speaker 1: to shame me about it. You go about your way.

617
00:32:08,800 --> 00:32:11,000
Speaker 1: I go about my way. If more people learn to

618
00:32:11,120 --> 00:32:13,280
Speaker 1: mind their business, we would all be happy. And there's

619
00:32:13,320 --> 00:32:14,760
Speaker 1: some men who are well med out and may not

620
00:32:14,840 --> 00:32:17,640
Speaker 1: like that direct approach. It may turn them off my

621
00:32:17,760 --> 00:32:20,280
Speaker 1: direct approach. It's hard a lot for men, you know,

622
00:32:20,400 --> 00:32:22,240
Speaker 1: just being straight up. They may say, you know what,

623
00:32:22,280 --> 00:32:24,000
Speaker 1: I'm not interested in that, and he could be down

624
00:32:24,040 --> 00:32:27,680
Speaker 1: to the floor. But it's just the the being so

625
00:32:27,760 --> 00:32:30,959
Speaker 1: frank and upfront makes some men nervous. It affects how

626
00:32:30,960 --> 00:32:33,680
Speaker 1: they perform, and you can have a whole conversation about

627
00:32:33,680 --> 00:32:37,120
Speaker 1: that anxiety, all of that. So I get it. I

628
00:32:37,200 --> 00:32:39,200
Speaker 1: truly truly get it. And I just want to clarity

629
00:32:39,200 --> 00:32:40,720
Speaker 1: for those who are listening, because I know it's gonna

630
00:32:40,720 --> 00:32:42,560
Speaker 1: be somebody said, oh, no, you like you said trying

631
00:32:42,560 --> 00:32:44,160
Speaker 1: to tell me what I liked. I think women have

632
00:32:44,200 --> 00:32:46,960
Speaker 1: different stages in life. I think you have stages where

633
00:32:47,000 --> 00:32:49,160
Speaker 1: you want to be married, you have stages where you

634
00:32:49,200 --> 00:32:51,560
Speaker 1: just want to day. You have stages where hey, I

635
00:32:51,560 --> 00:32:54,240
Speaker 1: don't have the time to manage a relationship. I know

636
00:32:54,280 --> 00:32:56,800
Speaker 1: what it means to manage a relationship may not be

637
00:32:56,840 --> 00:32:58,719
Speaker 1: in that life. To manage relationship, you just may want

638
00:32:58,720 --> 00:33:00,600
Speaker 1: to compaign that you hang out with, you get sexual

639
00:33:00,600 --> 00:33:02,800
Speaker 1: pleasure with that, you laugh that, you talk, you know,

640
00:33:03,080 --> 00:33:05,320
Speaker 1: you get along. You know. I'm not saying just anybody

641
00:33:05,320 --> 00:33:07,680
Speaker 1: in your bedroom. I don't think you should open yourself up. Well,

642
00:33:07,760 --> 00:33:09,320
Speaker 1: le gonna say me, because people can do what they

643
00:33:09,360 --> 00:33:11,840
Speaker 1: want to do. Open myself up, just anybody. But I

644
00:33:11,880 --> 00:33:14,400
Speaker 1: do think there are different stages. When I got married,

645
00:33:14,400 --> 00:33:16,960
Speaker 1: that wasn't the primary thing. But I do know there

646
00:33:17,000 --> 00:33:19,000
Speaker 1: are a lot of women who are married and miserable

647
00:33:19,000 --> 00:33:21,200
Speaker 1: in the bedroom and they cheat and they do all

648
00:33:21,320 --> 00:33:24,160
Speaker 1: types of other things. Because this guy made the same

649
00:33:24,200 --> 00:33:26,320
Speaker 1: thing for women, I mean men too, they just may

650
00:33:26,360 --> 00:33:28,560
Speaker 1: not be sexually satisfied. And I just think sex is

651
00:33:28,600 --> 00:33:31,920
Speaker 1: a big component of any kind of relationship for me,

652
00:33:32,160 --> 00:33:34,280
Speaker 1: but maybe not for everybody. I think everybody has their

653
00:33:34,360 --> 00:33:37,200
Speaker 1: knees income. Maybe for some it's not necessarily for me.

654
00:33:37,520 --> 00:33:42,120
Speaker 1: You can't not work, you don't be lazy. But due

655
00:33:42,120 --> 00:33:44,800
Speaker 1: to where we are with the racial game income income,

656
00:33:44,960 --> 00:33:48,080
Speaker 1: I date black men, um, I don't know if that's

657
00:33:48,240 --> 00:33:50,320
Speaker 1: is that is that wrong? Like when we say I

658
00:33:50,360 --> 00:33:53,040
Speaker 1: got a preference for black men me personally, I don't

659
00:33:53,040 --> 00:33:58,360
Speaker 1: think so you don't. Is that is that shaming? Not dating?

660
00:33:58,400 --> 00:34:01,280
Speaker 1: Hispanics are saying? Hispanics are add is that white supremacy?

661
00:34:01,360 --> 00:34:06,280
Speaker 1: Is that kind of going it is? It's actually nature.

662
00:34:07,160 --> 00:34:09,719
Speaker 1: Nature says that you're more likely to date people that

663
00:34:09,800 --> 00:34:13,600
Speaker 1: actually look like you like and this is just this

664
00:34:13,680 --> 00:34:16,359
Speaker 1: is this is on the basic levels, right, It is

665
00:34:16,400 --> 00:34:20,799
Speaker 1: actually an anomaly to date people who don't look like you.

666
00:34:21,160 --> 00:34:24,120
Speaker 1: So people who only date outside their race, I'm looking

667
00:34:24,160 --> 00:34:28,440
Speaker 1: like you are the anomaly. You are. You are literally

668
00:34:28,480 --> 00:34:31,279
Speaker 1: going against, in some way, shape or form, against the

669
00:34:31,320 --> 00:34:35,360
Speaker 1: laws of nature. I look like, have you ever noticed

670
00:34:35,360 --> 00:34:39,240
Speaker 1: how sometimes people look like their partners because they chose

671
00:34:39,360 --> 00:34:42,200
Speaker 1: partners that kind of look like them already, because it

672
00:34:42,440 --> 00:34:45,000
Speaker 1: is in your nature to pick something that feels and

673
00:34:45,080 --> 00:34:49,600
Speaker 1: looks familiar. So when you're purposefully going after that opposite

674
00:34:49,600 --> 00:34:55,879
Speaker 1: of that, and we say because it looks odd when

675
00:34:55,920 --> 00:35:00,200
Speaker 1: it happens. Now, I believe in um or. I have

676
00:35:00,360 --> 00:35:02,719
Speaker 1: been a person that has believed in like equal opportunity

677
00:35:02,800 --> 00:35:04,839
Speaker 1: dating and look like nobody could look at my past

678
00:35:04,880 --> 00:35:09,360
Speaker 1: and say that I have ever just chosen tall scat, fat, skinny,

679
00:35:09,520 --> 00:35:11,919
Speaker 1: whatever you you will see them and be like oh

680
00:35:12,080 --> 00:35:14,480
Speaker 1: you was like all over the place. I was like, yes,

681
00:35:15,160 --> 00:35:20,560
Speaker 1: I'm into people who tellate my mind. Um, I'm definitely

682
00:35:20,600 --> 00:35:22,719
Speaker 1: a safeteo sexual in that way. I'm just like I'm

683
00:35:22,760 --> 00:35:26,880
Speaker 1: all about I'm like, well, well aren't you all of

684
00:35:26,920 --> 00:35:30,040
Speaker 1: a sudden you look real cute to me. You're like

685
00:35:30,120 --> 00:35:34,040
Speaker 1: real attractive to me. Um, I like people with their

686
00:35:34,080 --> 00:35:36,279
Speaker 1: own talent and with their own passions. These things I

687
00:35:36,320 --> 00:35:41,359
Speaker 1: find to be attractive. So for me, I'm just like,

688
00:35:41,960 --> 00:35:44,000
Speaker 1: maybe none of them look the same. Most of them

689
00:35:44,000 --> 00:35:47,520
Speaker 1: were black or black identified. They identified themselves as black,

690
00:35:47,560 --> 00:35:49,920
Speaker 1: So of them, I was like, Okay, it looks like

691
00:35:49,960 --> 00:35:53,240
Speaker 1: we all identify however we want to identify. That's great.

692
00:35:53,719 --> 00:35:58,560
Speaker 1: But um, in the end, for me, Um, I think

693
00:35:58,600 --> 00:36:03,560
Speaker 1: that there's a valuing sometimes of um so called black love,

694
00:36:04,360 --> 00:36:06,440
Speaker 1: except that people feel like they can have it with

695
00:36:06,480 --> 00:36:09,520
Speaker 1: people who are not black. And to me, I questioned that,

696
00:36:09,680 --> 00:36:13,440
Speaker 1: I'm just like, you love with your non black partner,

697
00:36:14,719 --> 00:36:17,399
Speaker 1: especially when it's over. Oh and then when they say, oh,

698
00:36:17,520 --> 00:36:19,000
Speaker 1: you know I just happened to meet now, I don't

699
00:36:19,000 --> 00:36:21,080
Speaker 1: buy that. I don't buy this. Oh, I just said

700
00:36:21,120 --> 00:36:23,839
Speaker 1: I feel you have to be we don't fall in love, right,

701
00:36:24,160 --> 00:36:26,080
Speaker 1: something that should sound like it was an act, right,

702
00:36:26,760 --> 00:36:29,799
Speaker 1: It's something that you had to be attracted to to

703
00:36:29,960 --> 00:36:32,520
Speaker 1: even open the door to have their conversation. Now, whatever

704
00:36:32,560 --> 00:36:35,279
Speaker 1: that reasoning is, Like you said, if I like dark

705
00:36:35,320 --> 00:36:37,440
Speaker 1: skinned man, if I'm more traded dark skinned man, like

706
00:36:37,480 --> 00:36:39,520
Speaker 1: you said, I may be given in the white supremacy,

707
00:36:39,560 --> 00:36:42,200
Speaker 1: and maybe because I see darker men is more masculine.

708
00:36:42,200 --> 00:36:43,840
Speaker 1: Whatever it is that can still be true at the

709
00:36:43,840 --> 00:36:46,080
Speaker 1: same time of me liking you know, dark skinned men,

710
00:36:46,360 --> 00:36:48,920
Speaker 1: and I think there maybe different, right, But when you

711
00:36:49,000 --> 00:36:52,480
Speaker 1: intentionally go after women who are non black over and

712
00:36:52,560 --> 00:36:55,520
Speaker 1: over and over, and you intentionally avoid black women and

713
00:36:55,560 --> 00:36:57,239
Speaker 1: you say, well, I just say that's just who I happened,

714
00:36:57,280 --> 00:37:00,600
Speaker 1: I don't buy that ship. There's something that attracted to

715
00:37:00,880 --> 00:37:05,120
Speaker 1: that woman that is non black that you find more attractive,

716
00:37:05,120 --> 00:37:08,160
Speaker 1: more desirable, or like when Nick Cannon said, it's a

717
00:37:08,160 --> 00:37:11,319
Speaker 1: trophy when you date white women, it shows that you

718
00:37:11,360 --> 00:37:13,800
Speaker 1: can attain what they can attain, and it's so amazing

719
00:37:13,800 --> 00:37:16,080
Speaker 1: because he got no smoke for that. But when black

720
00:37:16,120 --> 00:37:20,720
Speaker 1: women date white men's yeah, I mean people go crazy.

721
00:37:20,880 --> 00:37:26,479
Speaker 1: Black women. Can you say it like can you said

722
00:37:26,480 --> 00:37:28,880
Speaker 1: it when you get on Elijah asked for a white girl.

723
00:37:29,280 --> 00:37:36,160
Speaker 1: But that's not he it's not new, it's old people,

724
00:37:36,920 --> 00:37:41,400
Speaker 1: like specifically inhero sexual relationships, men have been trading wealth

725
00:37:41,440 --> 00:37:46,200
Speaker 1: for beauty forever. That is what they do. You marry

726
00:37:46,560 --> 00:37:50,280
Speaker 1: someone with wealth to someone who has beauty. But beauty

727
00:37:50,400 --> 00:37:54,680
Speaker 1: is still decided by dominant culture, which means that beauty

728
00:37:54,719 --> 00:37:58,960
Speaker 1: has often meant in the black community, light skin, long

729
00:37:59,080 --> 00:38:05,280
Speaker 1: loose hair, light eyes, and generally a thinner figure. Thinner

730
00:38:05,840 --> 00:38:09,680
Speaker 1: not thin um because in the back community, you know

731
00:38:09,800 --> 00:38:12,480
Speaker 1: everybody that that's the job is different. It's it's booties

732
00:38:12,560 --> 00:38:15,880
Speaker 1: and breasts and small ways. It's thick, fast, saves lives

733
00:38:15,920 --> 00:38:19,640
Speaker 1: and all that. But even that is to an extent,

734
00:38:20,000 --> 00:38:21,759
Speaker 1: to the extent where they can say that you are

735
00:38:21,840 --> 00:38:26,239
Speaker 1: thick and not fat, you're thick over fat. It's it's

736
00:38:26,440 --> 00:38:29,719
Speaker 1: you know, anti fatness sort of language. And we don't

737
00:38:29,719 --> 00:38:32,960
Speaker 1: even recognize anti fatness as anti blackness the way that

738
00:38:33,000 --> 00:38:35,400
Speaker 1: we should, because it is all faith. That was all

739
00:38:35,560 --> 00:38:39,480
Speaker 1: invented of the fact that they wanted to separate white thick,

740
00:38:39,760 --> 00:38:43,400
Speaker 1: thick women from black thick women. They wanted to be

741
00:38:43,480 --> 00:38:46,200
Speaker 1: able to say that woman was inferior, and that one

742
00:38:46,320 --> 00:38:49,160
Speaker 1: was superior. And so eventually they just said that white

743
00:38:49,160 --> 00:38:52,120
Speaker 1: women should be thin and that black women are look

744
00:38:52,160 --> 00:38:57,600
Speaker 1: at how slovenly or whatever whatever they are, And let's

745
00:38:57,640 --> 00:39:00,799
Speaker 1: exactly and use that as a separator instead of us

746
00:39:00,920 --> 00:39:04,319
Speaker 1: seeing bodies as airlines, which is something that a good

747
00:39:04,360 --> 00:39:07,640
Speaker 1: friend of mine Fmale Russia choir constantly says. Your body

748
00:39:07,719 --> 00:39:10,600
Speaker 1: is an heirloom. Your body probably looks like your four

749
00:39:10,680 --> 00:39:13,080
Speaker 1: mothers before you, your four or fathers before you. Your

750
00:39:13,120 --> 00:39:16,680
Speaker 1: body looks like your family's body, and your weight is

751
00:39:16,719 --> 00:39:19,440
Speaker 1: not an indication of any type of health, though we

752
00:39:19,560 --> 00:39:23,319
Speaker 1: continue to spout that bs that we already know to

753
00:39:23,360 --> 00:39:26,160
Speaker 1: be false, that the medical community knows to be false,

754
00:39:26,280 --> 00:39:29,399
Speaker 1: but the medical community continues to use. So I'm looking

755
00:39:29,400 --> 00:39:32,319
Speaker 1: like that's neither here nor there the but for me,

756
00:39:32,440 --> 00:39:36,480
Speaker 1: it's it's just like number one, all of the stuff connects,

757
00:39:36,520 --> 00:39:40,479
Speaker 1: none of it is actually separate, and number two, it's

758
00:39:41,840 --> 00:39:46,960
Speaker 1: in order to really make a choice for ourselves, sometimes

759
00:39:47,120 --> 00:39:50,920
Speaker 1: you have to know the history and you also have

760
00:39:50,960 --> 00:39:54,080
Speaker 1: to be able to put down the history. Um, so

761
00:39:54,120 --> 00:39:56,120
Speaker 1: when you talked about like folks X, I'm looking, ain't

762
00:39:56,080 --> 00:39:57,920
Speaker 1: nobody trying to have that I just want to do

763
00:39:57,960 --> 00:40:00,720
Speaker 1: the things that they're good on my body, like whatever

764
00:40:00,760 --> 00:40:03,080
Speaker 1: those things are. The problem is when we bring the

765
00:40:03,120 --> 00:40:06,880
Speaker 1: politics into the bedroom and we didn't bring the pleasure

766
00:40:06,920 --> 00:40:09,560
Speaker 1: there too, Like so many of us are so in

767
00:40:09,600 --> 00:40:12,799
Speaker 1: our head about what our roles are supposed to be

768
00:40:13,200 --> 00:40:17,359
Speaker 1: that we forget to be in our bodies. So I mean,

769
00:40:17,680 --> 00:40:20,920
Speaker 1: you you said earlier something about like the separation of

770
00:40:20,960 --> 00:40:23,320
Speaker 1: sex and politics and not. They're never They've never been separate.

771
00:40:24,680 --> 00:40:28,040
Speaker 1: If as long as the black body continues to be politicized,

772
00:40:28,320 --> 00:40:31,560
Speaker 1: as long as women's bodies continue to be politicized, so

773
00:40:31,680 --> 00:40:34,080
Speaker 1: too is the sex that happens with those bodies. Yeah,

774
00:40:34,080 --> 00:40:36,080
Speaker 1: oh yeah, I absolutely said that they were together. I

775
00:40:36,120 --> 00:40:38,640
Speaker 1: was saying, that's why I wrote a book about it. Yeah,

776
00:40:38,680 --> 00:40:43,799
Speaker 1: for like those people who they live, they lived in

777
00:40:43,840 --> 00:40:46,960
Speaker 1: the same bed all day every day because it's all

778
00:40:47,000 --> 00:40:52,920
Speaker 1: about how they continue to police certain bodies. I'm like,

779
00:40:53,000 --> 00:40:56,040
Speaker 1: when we talk about racism, I mean, it just amazes

780
00:40:56,120 --> 00:40:59,160
Speaker 1: me the way that we I feel like the conversation

781
00:40:59,160 --> 00:41:01,359
Speaker 1: about it has not evolved in the way that I

782
00:41:01,400 --> 00:41:04,120
Speaker 1: think it should have. Like when I tell people that

783
00:41:04,160 --> 00:41:08,080
Speaker 1: I talk about color asm and textualism, you know they're like, well,

784
00:41:08,160 --> 00:41:12,120
Speaker 1: but well, the black community does that to themselves. I'm like, no, sweetheart,

785
00:41:12,239 --> 00:41:14,120
Speaker 1: racism also does that. I'm just like, how do you

786
00:41:14,160 --> 00:41:18,359
Speaker 1: in that racism? If not by how people look, I'm

787
00:41:18,360 --> 00:41:20,239
Speaker 1: like going, how else do you do it? Do? Are you?

788
00:41:20,280 --> 00:41:22,480
Speaker 1: Are you gonna sit there and ask for their ancepstry like,

789
00:41:22,520 --> 00:41:25,279
Speaker 1: can I get your twenty three and me? No, You're

790
00:41:25,320 --> 00:41:28,279
Speaker 1: gonna look at them and based off what they look like,

791
00:41:28,520 --> 00:41:30,640
Speaker 1: you are going to determine how they should be treated.

792
00:41:31,600 --> 00:41:34,719
Speaker 1: The problem is that we don't think about the American

793
00:41:34,800 --> 00:41:37,239
Speaker 1: dream and what we have all been talked to aspire

794
00:41:37,320 --> 00:41:41,799
Speaker 1: to write. The white picket fins, the man and the

795
00:41:41,840 --> 00:41:44,480
Speaker 1: woman together with their two point five kids and a

796
00:41:44,600 --> 00:41:47,240
Speaker 1: golden retrain you. But we don't think about that picture

797
00:41:47,520 --> 00:41:49,840
Speaker 1: and how it relates back to our very sex lives

798
00:41:51,080 --> 00:41:54,000
Speaker 1: and who in the partners that we pick and the

799
00:41:54,120 --> 00:41:56,200
Speaker 1: money that we try to make, and how we try

800
00:41:56,239 --> 00:41:59,160
Speaker 1: to live our lives according to getting that goal to

801
00:41:59,280 --> 00:42:02,360
Speaker 1: whatever that go. Maybe so, I'm like, most of us

802
00:42:02,360 --> 00:42:03,960
Speaker 1: are not having the sex that we want to have.

803
00:42:04,000 --> 00:42:05,440
Speaker 1: We have the sex that we think we should be

804
00:42:05,480 --> 00:42:08,319
Speaker 1: having in order to meet the goal. Most of us

805
00:42:08,320 --> 00:42:11,120
Speaker 1: are not picking the partners that we actually desire, that

806
00:42:11,200 --> 00:42:14,479
Speaker 1: we actually find attractive, and that actually tutilate us because

807
00:42:14,520 --> 00:42:16,160
Speaker 1: we're worried about what other people are gonna think if

808
00:42:16,160 --> 00:42:19,000
Speaker 1: we chose that person as a partner. A lot of

809
00:42:19,000 --> 00:42:24,160
Speaker 1: people are picking partners to make a political message. Men

810
00:42:24,560 --> 00:42:30,520
Speaker 1: who finally get money to these young, pretty young things

811
00:42:30,880 --> 00:42:34,360
Speaker 1: right to be their partners because they want the trophy

812
00:42:34,440 --> 00:42:36,520
Speaker 1: on their arm to say, look, I've made it, and

813
00:42:36,600 --> 00:42:38,920
Speaker 1: you can tell that I've made it because I dumped

814
00:42:38,920 --> 00:42:42,239
Speaker 1: my starter wife and got my upgrade based off what

815
00:42:42,320 --> 00:42:44,920
Speaker 1: beauty standards say. So this is power as far as

816
00:42:44,960 --> 00:42:47,360
Speaker 1: beauty is concerned. And I have power with money, and

817
00:42:47,400 --> 00:42:50,680
Speaker 1: I am marrying my money power to this beauty power.

818
00:42:50,920 --> 00:42:54,240
Speaker 1: And I have more power because my money bought this beauty.

819
00:42:54,360 --> 00:42:56,680
Speaker 1: What happisode when the woman flifts script on she goes

820
00:42:56,719 --> 00:43:00,239
Speaker 1: and buy her then that then now we're here all

821
00:43:00,280 --> 00:43:03,719
Speaker 1: the rhetoric about what kind of woman she is and

822
00:43:03,760 --> 00:43:06,959
Speaker 1: how she don't have no scruples and no, she got

823
00:43:06,960 --> 00:43:09,680
Speaker 1: no morals and she's not a woman worth being with

824
00:43:09,760 --> 00:43:12,480
Speaker 1: a woman worth married. We hear all kinds of things

825
00:43:12,520 --> 00:43:15,120
Speaker 1: about those types of women all day, every day. How

826
00:43:15,200 --> 00:43:17,160
Speaker 1: many people have so much to say about Cardi b

827
00:43:17,600 --> 00:43:19,920
Speaker 1: How many people continue to have as much to say

828
00:43:19,920 --> 00:43:23,080
Speaker 1: about Megan these stouts. How many people continue to talk

829
00:43:23,200 --> 00:43:26,320
Speaker 1: mess even about Tracy Ellis Ross, even though most people

830
00:43:26,320 --> 00:43:29,160
Speaker 1: say that she's stands from the side of being you know,

831
00:43:30,080 --> 00:43:35,600
Speaker 1: desirable or or good enough in certain spaces. But because

832
00:43:35,600 --> 00:43:39,480
Speaker 1: she continues to be unwed, they now look at her

833
00:43:39,719 --> 00:43:41,919
Speaker 1: with a certain level upside eye. And she does talk

834
00:43:41,960 --> 00:43:45,240
Speaker 1: about not being married a lot, and people are just like, well,

835
00:43:45,400 --> 00:43:47,200
Speaker 1: that's all she ever seems to talk about. And I'm

836
00:43:47,239 --> 00:43:50,680
Speaker 1: just like, because you continue to value women who are

837
00:43:50,840 --> 00:43:54,120
Speaker 1: married only you continue to tell women that they will

838
00:43:54,160 --> 00:43:57,439
Speaker 1: find their value in our husbands. Not even if they

839
00:43:57,480 --> 00:44:01,520
Speaker 1: have a wife, they might find some value. If they

840
00:44:01,560 --> 00:44:05,120
Speaker 1: have a female partner, they if they are partnered, period,

841
00:44:05,160 --> 00:44:07,600
Speaker 1: they may find some value, But the ultimate value comes

842
00:44:07,640 --> 00:44:11,600
Speaker 1: from a hetero sexual marriage. Tell us this, and she

843
00:44:11,800 --> 00:44:14,560
Speaker 1: needs to have the opposite message. She needs to continue

844
00:44:14,560 --> 00:44:15,919
Speaker 1: and tell us that you don't have to be married

845
00:44:15,960 --> 00:44:18,640
Speaker 1: to high value. That's right, that's right. It's called peace

846
00:44:18,680 --> 00:44:38,279
Speaker 1: of mind. Girl. Now what I want? I know, we

847
00:44:38,360 --> 00:44:40,480
Speaker 1: gotta wrap up. There's two other questions. I did want

848
00:44:40,480 --> 00:44:42,200
Speaker 1: to ask you what this can go on and on?

849
00:44:42,239 --> 00:44:44,200
Speaker 1: Because I definitely want to talk about that, about value

850
00:44:44,280 --> 00:44:46,919
Speaker 1: and people feeling like they gotta be married and all

851
00:44:46,920 --> 00:44:48,840
Speaker 1: of that. Girl, I got the best ex husband in

852
00:44:48,880 --> 00:44:50,680
Speaker 1: the world. I tell people all the time, my ex

853
00:44:50,760 --> 00:44:53,399
Speaker 1: husband is better than most people's everyday husband. I mean,

854
00:44:53,440 --> 00:44:56,640
Speaker 1: we have such a wonderful relationship. He's there for me.

855
00:44:56,719 --> 00:44:58,680
Speaker 1: I'm there for him. If something happened to me, gonna

856
00:44:58,680 --> 00:45:00,799
Speaker 1: clean my draws, I'm gonna clean he is. You know,

857
00:45:01,280 --> 00:45:05,719
Speaker 1: we just have a really respectful, peaceful relationship and my

858
00:45:05,800 --> 00:45:08,719
Speaker 1: daughter benefits from that. But we can talk about that

859
00:45:08,920 --> 00:45:12,320
Speaker 1: another time. Because even in my marriage being stuck because

860
00:45:12,360 --> 00:45:14,480
Speaker 1: of what I was told I had to do and

861
00:45:14,520 --> 00:45:16,560
Speaker 1: because the Bible said it, and there can be no

862
00:45:16,840 --> 00:45:20,520
Speaker 1: separating no matter what. This is this duty conversation that's

863
00:45:20,520 --> 00:45:22,080
Speaker 1: out here now, which I know you've got some thoughts

864
00:45:22,120 --> 00:45:24,400
Speaker 1: on that, But quick question, what do you think? I

865
00:45:24,480 --> 00:45:27,480
Speaker 1: know you do. What's that question? What do you think

866
00:45:27,480 --> 00:45:30,000
Speaker 1: about Jasmine Sullivan's As you were talking, I was just

867
00:45:30,040 --> 00:45:32,720
Speaker 1: thinking about her whole album, host Tales, because you sound

868
00:45:32,800 --> 00:45:35,239
Speaker 1: like one of the people. You sound like one of

869
00:45:35,280 --> 00:45:38,440
Speaker 1: the people that should be before breaking down, you know,

870
00:45:38,560 --> 00:45:40,880
Speaker 1: put it on them, because you know she also subscribes

871
00:45:40,960 --> 00:45:44,120
Speaker 1: to it must be the d I'm sure you're familiar

872
00:45:44,160 --> 00:45:51,279
Speaker 1: with put It on Them, Put It on Them? Do

873
00:45:51,360 --> 00:45:54,000
Speaker 1: you think that's an empowerment song? Is that? Is that

874
00:45:54,080 --> 00:45:57,120
Speaker 1: what we should be? Is that kind of summing up

875
00:45:57,160 --> 00:46:00,279
Speaker 1: how you should feel about sexuality and the how where

876
00:46:00,320 --> 00:46:01,960
Speaker 1: you should have in it just to kind of give

877
00:46:01,960 --> 00:46:04,799
Speaker 1: women something with that our ore? Is it just a

878
00:46:04,800 --> 00:46:07,720
Speaker 1: dope album and it's really not where you are with things? Honestly,

879
00:46:08,920 --> 00:46:12,160
Speaker 1: it's it is a very dope album. Um. I'm also

880
00:46:12,840 --> 00:46:15,799
Speaker 1: a person that I found that there was a beautifully

881
00:46:15,840 --> 00:46:19,200
Speaker 1: a beautiful mix of contradictory messages within that album, which

882
00:46:19,200 --> 00:46:21,640
Speaker 1: I also like because people don't tend to be just

883
00:46:21,719 --> 00:46:23,120
Speaker 1: one way or the other. We tend to have a

884
00:46:23,120 --> 00:46:25,560
Speaker 1: lot of contradictions, and I felt like that album had

885
00:46:25,560 --> 00:46:28,479
Speaker 1: a whole lot of contradictions because like I'm stand because

886
00:46:28,520 --> 00:46:32,880
Speaker 1: of the day, I'm just like, don't be different. And

887
00:46:32,920 --> 00:46:34,719
Speaker 1: then at the same time, it's just like, you know,

888
00:46:34,920 --> 00:46:38,520
Speaker 1: like this message of but I like it, I want it,

889
00:46:38,560 --> 00:46:40,200
Speaker 1: this is how I like it, this is how I

890
00:46:40,239 --> 00:46:43,760
Speaker 1: want it, and I am I'm in the I'm standing

891
00:46:43,800 --> 00:46:46,760
Speaker 1: in the space of what actually feels good and pleasurable

892
00:46:46,800 --> 00:46:49,280
Speaker 1: for you and what feels good not just in your body,

893
00:46:49,680 --> 00:46:52,719
Speaker 1: but also where do your mind and your spirit aligned

894
00:46:53,320 --> 00:46:56,399
Speaker 1: with what feels good in your body, Because sometimes things

895
00:46:56,440 --> 00:46:58,720
Speaker 1: feel good in our body, but we have so many

896
00:46:58,760 --> 00:47:01,880
Speaker 1: feelings about them that we can't enjoyed them to the full,

897
00:47:02,520 --> 00:47:05,120
Speaker 1: to its full extent. And I'm like, does that stuff

898
00:47:05,200 --> 00:47:07,160
Speaker 1: need to be worked out or it is something that

899
00:47:07,200 --> 00:47:08,719
Speaker 1: you're doing with your body out of the line, that

900
00:47:08,840 --> 00:47:10,360
Speaker 1: was what you feel like you would like to be

901
00:47:10,400 --> 00:47:12,120
Speaker 1: doing what they In other words, you could enjoy the

902
00:47:12,120 --> 00:47:14,640
Speaker 1: sex so much better if it's a ligne with your

903
00:47:14,680 --> 00:47:17,680
Speaker 1: spirit and your mind, and the well endowment is a

904
00:47:17,760 --> 00:47:20,359
Speaker 1: compliment to other things, even if he's just a friend

905
00:47:20,360 --> 00:47:22,359
Speaker 1: with me back. Oh yeah, I get you. You don't

906
00:47:22,360 --> 00:47:24,759
Speaker 1: just sleep with anybody just I mean, even if you're

907
00:47:24,760 --> 00:47:27,000
Speaker 1: a big guy and you're not, we don't vibe and

908
00:47:27,040 --> 00:47:29,560
Speaker 1: our spirit don't vibe and we're not, it's not happening.

909
00:47:29,600 --> 00:47:32,359
Speaker 1: So just make that clear, Doc. It's not just hey,

910
00:47:32,520 --> 00:47:35,680
Speaker 1: you got a big one, come later down. I'm not that.

911
00:47:35,320 --> 00:47:40,440
Speaker 1: I'm that somebody listening you over to judge me with

912
00:47:40,480 --> 00:47:46,080
Speaker 1: your pencil and writing and looking down. I don't your

913
00:47:46,120 --> 00:47:49,319
Speaker 1: little nose. But oh she always su up we need

914
00:47:49,320 --> 00:47:57,279
Speaker 1: a whole sension. She goes, I think that all living

915
00:47:57,360 --> 00:47:59,880
Speaker 1: in this world where people make it seem like her

916
00:48:00,040 --> 00:48:02,719
Speaker 1: in camp, you know, like chew gum and walks at

917
00:48:02,760 --> 00:48:05,200
Speaker 1: the same time, where we think that if someone said

918
00:48:05,239 --> 00:48:08,319
Speaker 1: then this, then that means nothing else matters. And I'm

919
00:48:08,360 --> 00:48:10,839
Speaker 1: just like, well, where did you hear that? I didn't

920
00:48:10,880 --> 00:48:16,759
Speaker 1: hear that, did you, like? Yes, you know, I cannot laugh.

921
00:48:17,120 --> 00:48:20,839
Speaker 1: And I also like this, this, this, and these things

922
00:48:20,840 --> 00:48:22,520
Speaker 1: have to come together in order we don't want to

923
00:48:22,560 --> 00:48:24,880
Speaker 1: be with you. So for me, I'm just like, what

924
00:48:25,000 --> 00:48:27,680
Speaker 1: I heard is I like big dicks and right, you

925
00:48:27,760 --> 00:48:30,240
Speaker 1: gotta right, so I hear the end, whereas some people

926
00:48:30,520 --> 00:48:33,879
Speaker 1: here I hear I like big dicks, period, and then

927
00:48:33,880 --> 00:48:36,040
Speaker 1: it's like anybody but the big dick will do. And

928
00:48:36,040 --> 00:48:39,239
Speaker 1: I'm just like, you know what, I think that we

929
00:48:39,400 --> 00:48:44,120
Speaker 1: do ourselves a disservice when we stopped someone's sentence where

930
00:48:44,160 --> 00:48:47,160
Speaker 1: it did not end. Most people do not stop their

931
00:48:47,200 --> 00:48:52,440
Speaker 1: sentences there. Most people are and or and but after

932
00:48:52,920 --> 00:48:55,359
Speaker 1: And if we allow people enough space, they will tell

933
00:48:55,440 --> 00:48:58,239
Speaker 1: us there and but or or. But we don't give

934
00:48:58,239 --> 00:49:00,440
Speaker 1: people a lot of space. Instead, we what we like

935
00:49:00,480 --> 00:49:02,799
Speaker 1: to box people, and we don't like to hear them,

936
00:49:02,840 --> 00:49:05,719
Speaker 1: especially when they're black women, especially when they're talking about

937
00:49:05,760 --> 00:49:07,480
Speaker 1: the things that they like and the things that bring

938
00:49:07,520 --> 00:49:09,520
Speaker 1: them pleasure. Anything that feels like it is going to

939
00:49:09,560 --> 00:49:13,080
Speaker 1: diminish the power that you have to reign over them.

940
00:49:13,400 --> 00:49:15,000
Speaker 1: We want to shame them for it, but we don't

941
00:49:15,040 --> 00:49:17,480
Speaker 1: want to hear that. We don't interest. Girl, You need

942
00:49:17,480 --> 00:49:20,239
Speaker 1: a podcast, need this sexual mental health. I'm serious with

943
00:49:20,320 --> 00:49:22,920
Speaker 1: somebody gotta be zone in on the sex because the

944
00:49:22,960 --> 00:49:25,520
Speaker 1: way you at the way you put it together, I

945
00:49:25,560 --> 00:49:28,560
Speaker 1: had no idea just reading your bios, had no idea

946
00:49:28,640 --> 00:49:31,120
Speaker 1: that you would weave this together so beautifully. And and

947
00:49:31,160 --> 00:49:33,439
Speaker 1: just as a disclaimer, I have a lot of fun

948
00:49:33,480 --> 00:49:35,759
Speaker 1: with these conversations. I think they're really fun. I do

949
00:49:35,800 --> 00:49:37,960
Speaker 1: get what you're saying, sister, I get it. I hear

950
00:49:38,000 --> 00:49:39,880
Speaker 1: what you're saying. I hear have we you know, we

951
00:49:40,000 --> 00:49:42,480
Speaker 1: have to love each other and bring value to the table.

952
00:49:42,480 --> 00:49:45,279
Speaker 1: Shout out to everybody who's five inches or smaller. I

953
00:49:45,360 --> 00:49:47,759
Speaker 1: do still love you even though you're five or six

954
00:49:47,800 --> 00:49:50,120
Speaker 1: seven inches. But I do love all our brothers, and

955
00:49:50,160 --> 00:49:51,839
Speaker 1: I fight for you on the front line. Even if

956
00:49:51,840 --> 00:49:55,160
Speaker 1: you're three inches, you still have value. It still matters.

957
00:49:55,200 --> 00:49:57,319
Speaker 1: It's about the soul. One more last question. Can you

958
00:49:57,320 --> 00:49:59,840
Speaker 1: have a book about hair, grease and hair and you

959
00:50:00,000 --> 00:50:01,640
Speaker 1: all the importance? Is it called what's the name of it?

960
00:50:01,719 --> 00:50:06,440
Speaker 1: Coco Butter? And yes, and clearly I have weave and

961
00:50:06,480 --> 00:50:09,279
Speaker 1: clearly I'm looking at your beautiful fro, beautiful woman. Which

962
00:50:09,320 --> 00:50:11,120
Speaker 1: is fine, We can get to that conversation at the time,

963
00:50:11,400 --> 00:50:13,480
Speaker 1: but I do want to ask this quick question. What

964
00:50:13,560 --> 00:50:15,960
Speaker 1: do you think about do you notice that white men

965
00:50:16,080 --> 00:50:19,759
Speaker 1: the date black women all seen the date and not

966
00:50:19,920 --> 00:50:24,440
Speaker 1: all but mostly is dark skinned black women with FROs?

967
00:50:24,800 --> 00:50:27,960
Speaker 1: And and is that just me or is that something? What?

968
00:50:27,960 --> 00:50:33,000
Speaker 1: What is that like? Are they living out some type

969
00:50:33,000 --> 00:50:35,360
Speaker 1: of like what do you think that is? Psychology? Just

970
00:50:35,640 --> 00:50:38,120
Speaker 1: since we have you here, what do you think that is?

971
00:50:39,080 --> 00:50:41,080
Speaker 1: I think that it's multiple things. And I think that

972
00:50:41,120 --> 00:50:43,000
Speaker 1: one of them is if they're going to date a

973
00:50:43,040 --> 00:50:45,839
Speaker 1: black woman and they want an obviously black woman, they

974
00:50:45,880 --> 00:50:49,480
Speaker 1: don't want no questions about what that black woman is. Um.

975
00:50:49,520 --> 00:50:51,680
Speaker 1: It wasn't always liked that though for a while. Would

976
00:50:51,680 --> 00:50:54,680
Speaker 1: you mean it used to be the tall barbie black

977
00:50:54,760 --> 00:50:58,520
Speaker 1: look the white looking black girl, always brown skin or

978
00:50:58,600 --> 00:51:01,160
Speaker 1: darker though, but they would have the you know, the

979
00:51:01,200 --> 00:51:04,520
Speaker 1: European features tall, slim. But now it's went all the

980
00:51:04,560 --> 00:51:07,719
Speaker 1: way like to another level. So so go ahead with that.

981
00:51:08,000 --> 00:51:12,080
Speaker 1: Yeah they did, they definitely done went to another level. Honestly,

982
00:51:12,160 --> 00:51:15,920
Speaker 1: I can't even begin to figure out, like what happened.

983
00:51:15,960 --> 00:51:19,400
Speaker 1: They're on white man and that there's these other women

984
00:51:19,440 --> 00:51:22,480
Speaker 1: that they have decided that they're choosing. Um, but one

985
00:51:22,480 --> 00:51:24,400
Speaker 1: thing that I won't do is give them any praise

986
00:51:24,480 --> 00:51:27,319
Speaker 1: for it either. Um, we have the problems that we

987
00:51:27,400 --> 00:51:30,920
Speaker 1: have because of white supremacy and white men, and I

988
00:51:30,920 --> 00:51:32,920
Speaker 1: think that oftentimes we like to let them off the

989
00:51:32,920 --> 00:51:35,480
Speaker 1: hook because they like something a little bit different. And

990
00:51:35,520 --> 00:51:38,880
Speaker 1: I'm like, but these women are still often times treated

991
00:51:39,040 --> 00:51:42,320
Speaker 1: as the as a white man's poor by white people

992
00:51:42,719 --> 00:51:45,920
Speaker 1: when they enter these spaces, as well as by black

993
00:51:46,000 --> 00:51:48,960
Speaker 1: folks who see them with them with these white folks.

994
00:51:49,040 --> 00:51:52,719
Speaker 1: So um, I'm just like, yeah, this is all great

995
00:51:52,719 --> 00:51:54,719
Speaker 1: and good to day a black woman, but how are

996
00:51:54,719 --> 00:51:57,279
Speaker 1: you protecting her from your racist as family or you're

997
00:51:57,360 --> 00:51:59,440
Speaker 1: using her as an example, or you're using her as

998
00:51:59,440 --> 00:52:01,840
Speaker 1: a way to make your mama mad, I'm making Auntie

999
00:52:01,840 --> 00:52:04,160
Speaker 1: mad or whatever it is that you're doing. I'm look like,

1000
00:52:04,400 --> 00:52:06,480
Speaker 1: what is her purpose in being there. Is it just

1001
00:52:06,719 --> 00:52:09,040
Speaker 1: love or is it that you're trying to prove a point?

1002
00:52:09,239 --> 00:52:11,319
Speaker 1: And usually the point if but I'm not racist, they

1003
00:52:11,400 --> 00:52:14,319
Speaker 1: look at my beautiful black life. M m oh girl.

1004
00:52:14,320 --> 00:52:16,200
Speaker 1: I would love to have you back because so so

1005
00:52:16,320 --> 00:52:18,800
Speaker 1: I definitely love to have you back whenever you got time,

1006
00:52:19,040 --> 00:52:22,319
Speaker 1: because I definitely want to talk about black women now

1007
00:52:22,360 --> 00:52:24,799
Speaker 1: and why they're transitioning over and saying, you know, hey,

1008
00:52:24,800 --> 00:52:27,279
Speaker 1: black men, don't they didn't love me, They didn't they

1009
00:52:27,320 --> 00:52:29,759
Speaker 1: didn't find me a tractor. So now with black men,

1010
00:52:29,840 --> 00:52:31,960
Speaker 1: I talked about this all the time, these broken pieces,

1011
00:52:32,280 --> 00:52:35,200
Speaker 1: you know, like black men to day white women, I

1012
00:52:35,239 --> 00:52:38,080
Speaker 1: can see why sometimes that fits because they're so broken

1013
00:52:38,080 --> 00:52:40,640
Speaker 1: in so many areas. And maybe the white woman, you know,

1014
00:52:40,920 --> 00:52:43,600
Speaker 1: doesn't challenge my mother, maybe he doesn't feel it's competitive

1015
00:52:43,680 --> 00:52:46,200
Speaker 1: or much. And black women, I can see how those broken.

1016
00:52:46,360 --> 00:52:48,480
Speaker 1: It doesn't work for me, but I can see how

1017
00:52:48,520 --> 00:52:51,520
Speaker 1: those broken, the brokenness and black women where maybe they

1018
00:52:51,560 --> 00:52:53,840
Speaker 1: feel white men is giving them something that they're not

1019
00:52:53,880 --> 00:52:56,960
Speaker 1: getting at home because unfortunately, and then they end up

1020
00:52:57,000 --> 00:52:59,960
Speaker 1: all of myselve and more talking about how they don't

1021
00:53:00,040 --> 00:53:04,120
Speaker 1: really feel seen by whomever whatever, and how now that

1022
00:53:04,160 --> 00:53:06,640
Speaker 1: they've come to love their own blackness that they're wondering

1023
00:53:06,680 --> 00:53:08,600
Speaker 1: how to hear they've got in this relationship that they

1024
00:53:08,600 --> 00:53:11,360
Speaker 1: got into the first place. So I mean, yeah, you

1025
00:53:11,400 --> 00:53:14,479
Speaker 1: know it all comes. Oh girl, you said a word.

1026
00:53:14,480 --> 00:53:16,960
Speaker 1: That's what I'm like. No Tino say no lemonade. I'm

1027
00:53:17,000 --> 00:53:20,320
Speaker 1: just saying what I need. Oh girl, you need a show.

1028
00:53:20,600 --> 00:53:23,480
Speaker 1: I'm serious, you need a podcast. Honey, you can get

1029
00:53:23,480 --> 00:53:26,080
Speaker 1: into that, just because the negative that you hear out

1030
00:53:26,080 --> 00:53:27,920
Speaker 1: there is just all their bed winches and all their

1031
00:53:27,920 --> 00:53:30,040
Speaker 1: sellouts and all that. You're breaking it down in the

1032
00:53:30,080 --> 00:53:33,759
Speaker 1: way that it is palatable. You know that people can

1033
00:53:33,800 --> 00:53:37,040
Speaker 1: really okay, it's making sense where it's not necessarily mean.

1034
00:53:37,080 --> 00:53:39,520
Speaker 1: There's a lot of stuff in there, but I think

1035
00:53:39,520 --> 00:53:41,399
Speaker 1: that we'd like to see it at just black or white.

1036
00:53:41,440 --> 00:53:43,640
Speaker 1: I'm looking like the whole thing is just shades gray

1037
00:53:43,680 --> 00:53:46,600
Speaker 1: because some of it is something that these black folks

1038
00:53:46,680 --> 00:53:49,480
Speaker 1: hurt me. Um. I remember things that my black mama

1039
00:53:49,520 --> 00:53:52,000
Speaker 1: and my black daddy used to say about my black ass,

1040
00:53:52,440 --> 00:53:56,920
Speaker 1: and I it was reinforced by black people in school

1041
00:53:57,120 --> 00:53:59,360
Speaker 1: growing up, and so I no longer date black. I

1042
00:53:59,360 --> 00:54:01,920
Speaker 1: don't date in the black community because I don't like

1043
00:54:02,200 --> 00:54:04,799
Speaker 1: that it did not feel good. And even if I'm

1044
00:54:04,840 --> 00:54:07,680
Speaker 1: the magical negro over there and I have to be

1045
00:54:07,719 --> 00:54:12,480
Speaker 1: the exceptional singular black negro, at least I'm special. At

1046
00:54:12,560 --> 00:54:15,680
Speaker 1: least someone sees me as worthy and valuable to be

1047
00:54:15,800 --> 00:54:18,719
Speaker 1: in the space. So I can see how people would

1048
00:54:18,760 --> 00:54:22,239
Speaker 1: even get to that space. Um. I don't think there's

1049
00:54:22,280 --> 00:54:27,040
Speaker 1: anything fun, cute or desirable about being the singular only

1050
00:54:27,360 --> 00:54:30,680
Speaker 1: black anything in the space of whiteness. But I can

1051
00:54:30,719 --> 00:54:33,799
Speaker 1: see how people could see that given what we are

1052
00:54:33,960 --> 00:54:37,520
Speaker 1: given when we are growing. Girl, you said a word,

1053
00:54:37,680 --> 00:54:39,520
Speaker 1: tell us about your book and anything else we need

1054
00:54:39,560 --> 00:54:41,360
Speaker 1: to know before we get out of here. Any upcoming

1055
00:54:41,400 --> 00:54:44,160
Speaker 1: speaking and gay Me and Marston can go on forever. Listen,

1056
00:54:44,200 --> 00:54:46,480
Speaker 1: it is because you are the child. Tell us about

1057
00:54:46,480 --> 00:54:48,680
Speaker 1: the book, a little bit about the book and where

1058
00:54:48,680 --> 00:54:50,799
Speaker 1: they can find you and all their good stuff. Um.

1059
00:54:50,840 --> 00:54:54,440
Speaker 1: Cocoa Butter and Hair Grease is a Workflox specifically designed

1060
00:54:54,480 --> 00:54:57,960
Speaker 1: for black women to sort of let go of all

1061
00:54:58,000 --> 00:55:00,760
Speaker 1: of the things that we have taught to eight, especially

1062
00:55:00,800 --> 00:55:03,360
Speaker 1: about our skin tones and our hair texture. It's about

1063
00:55:03,360 --> 00:55:06,239
Speaker 1: really getting into that journey of self love. I will

1064
00:55:06,320 --> 00:55:08,719
Speaker 1: be starting the next group for the first co Cort

1065
00:55:08,800 --> 00:55:11,239
Speaker 1: already finished. We gonna head our good by tears and

1066
00:55:11,280 --> 00:55:13,040
Speaker 1: all that other stuff. But the next group is not

1067
00:55:13,080 --> 00:55:16,520
Speaker 1: starting until after I get married, so and I start October.

1068
00:55:17,200 --> 00:55:22,480
Speaker 1: Thank you. That person is very special. That person very

1069
00:55:22,560 --> 00:55:26,240
Speaker 1: very special. Um, though I don't think that's gonna happen.

1070
00:55:26,440 --> 00:55:28,560
Speaker 1: I was actually content to be alone and then I

1071
00:55:28,600 --> 00:55:30,680
Speaker 1: wasn't alone and I was like, oh I had to

1072
00:55:30,800 --> 00:55:32,840
Speaker 1: mourn that. And I'm still in a lot of ways,

1073
00:55:32,840 --> 00:55:35,080
Speaker 1: I still more than that. Um, what could I have

1074
00:55:35,239 --> 00:55:40,359
Speaker 1: been as just as just gonna Um. I don't think

1075
00:55:40,360 --> 00:55:43,000
Speaker 1: that people talk about that piece, that morning piece of

1076
00:55:43,920 --> 00:55:46,319
Speaker 1: up in those transitions. I think that we are just

1077
00:55:46,400 --> 00:55:48,680
Speaker 1: talked to just want the thing and that we don't

1078
00:55:48,680 --> 00:55:52,120
Speaker 1: need to feel badly about anything else, especially because remember,

1079
00:55:52,120 --> 00:55:54,760
Speaker 1: we're never supposed to love being and we're not supposed

1080
00:55:54,800 --> 00:55:57,239
Speaker 1: to love being single. And I'm just like, but I

1081
00:55:57,320 --> 00:56:05,839
Speaker 1: dash and UM. I can be found on Instagram, um

1082
00:56:05,880 --> 00:56:08,440
Speaker 1: at donna oriolo or at a nod Right, that's where

1083
00:56:08,440 --> 00:56:10,919
Speaker 1: I be the most talking about sex and sexuality. So

1084
00:56:11,040 --> 00:56:13,279
Speaker 1: I'm not right, that's my first name backwards A N

1085
00:56:13,400 --> 00:56:15,799
Speaker 1: N O d R I g h T. If you're

1086
00:56:15,840 --> 00:56:18,359
Speaker 1: looking for a therapist, Donald Oriobo is full. So don't

1087
00:56:18,400 --> 00:56:20,680
Speaker 1: come looking for me. But I do have a great

1088
00:56:20,760 --> 00:56:23,799
Speaker 1: team and we work very collaboratively. So a nor dot

1089
00:56:23,840 --> 00:56:26,759
Speaker 1: com we only serve Maryland, DC, and Virginia. If you

1090
00:56:26,800 --> 00:56:30,120
Speaker 1: are not in the D, D, M and B, we

1091
00:56:30,239 --> 00:56:34,120
Speaker 1: cannot say, oh, you don't do virtual law. We do

1092
00:56:34,239 --> 00:56:38,000
Speaker 1: virtual but um, the way that licensed, you have to

1093
00:56:38,040 --> 00:56:42,040
Speaker 1: be licensed where the clients. I'm only licensed in DC,

1094
00:56:42,160 --> 00:56:44,600
Speaker 1: Maryland and Virginia, so I only see DC, Maryland and

1095
00:56:44,640 --> 00:56:47,680
Speaker 1: Virginia residence. Um, but I'm not like you can still

1096
00:56:47,680 --> 00:56:49,560
Speaker 1: get this free work because that free work is all

1097
00:56:49,600 --> 00:56:52,080
Speaker 1: over the Instagram. So I'm just like, come on, come

1098
00:56:52,080 --> 00:56:54,480
Speaker 1: on through the Instagram and I'm gonna be doing a

1099
00:56:54,520 --> 00:56:59,720
Speaker 1: curls talk so conversations Understanding Relationships, Love and Sex um,

1100
00:56:59,800 --> 00:57:03,080
Speaker 1: and we're gonna do a healthy Relationship series. Um. I

1101
00:57:03,160 --> 00:57:05,399
Speaker 1: asked the people on my Instagram and it was like, yeah,

1102
00:57:05,440 --> 00:57:07,520
Speaker 1: they would want that, So I'm gonna do that. Yeah. Well,

1103
00:57:07,560 --> 00:57:10,160
Speaker 1: bless you for giving all this free game. Bless you.

1104
00:57:10,239 --> 00:57:13,640
Speaker 1: We need it. You know, with the these YouTubers out here,

1105
00:57:13,680 --> 00:57:16,240
Speaker 1: these guys you know that are taking off with all

1106
00:57:16,240 --> 00:57:19,440
Speaker 1: of these messages that we know are manipulative and designed

1107
00:57:19,480 --> 00:57:22,160
Speaker 1: to make women feel they have to put up or whatever,

1108
00:57:22,400 --> 00:57:25,760
Speaker 1: because ultimately they're gonna die along. When technically, unless you're

1109
00:57:25,800 --> 00:57:28,640
Speaker 1: planning on committing a murder suicide, you are gonna die alone.

1110
00:57:28,840 --> 00:57:31,800
Speaker 1: Unless just like you came into the world alone, then technically,

1111
00:57:31,840 --> 00:57:34,720
Speaker 1: even if you're doing this murder suicide, you're probably still

1112
00:57:34,800 --> 00:57:37,400
Speaker 1: gonna die, right because you usually don't die at the

1113
00:57:37,480 --> 00:57:41,640
Speaker 1: exact safe time, right right right. And on top of that,

1114
00:57:41,960 --> 00:57:45,439
Speaker 1: black men, because of just just some effects, they die

1115
00:57:45,440 --> 00:57:48,200
Speaker 1: a lot younger than me, you know. So if everything

1116
00:57:48,240 --> 00:57:50,560
Speaker 1: goes according to the facts. My grandmother just turned ninety.

1117
00:57:50,840 --> 00:57:52,800
Speaker 1: She was married for fifty years, her husband's been gone

1118
00:57:52,840 --> 00:57:55,240
Speaker 1: over decades, so else when she's still alone. So I'll

1119
00:57:55,240 --> 00:57:57,320
Speaker 1: tell people, instead of worrying about die alone, how about

1120
00:57:57,320 --> 00:58:00,400
Speaker 1: worry about living in peace and being happy and having pleasure,

1121
00:58:00,600 --> 00:58:03,360
Speaker 1: enjoy and respect and all of that. And then on

1122
00:58:03,480 --> 00:58:05,560
Speaker 1: top of that, where about where you're going when you die,

1123
00:58:05,640 --> 00:58:07,520
Speaker 1: where you're soul going? That's what I want to know.

1124
00:58:07,920 --> 00:58:10,720
Speaker 1: So that's my thing on worrying about that. But you

1125
00:58:10,760 --> 00:58:14,800
Speaker 1: are needed. Sis. I enjoyed this, and I'm not bullshit.

1126
00:58:15,200 --> 00:58:18,840
Speaker 1: I really enjoyed this. Marci enjoyed it. I can look

1127
00:58:18,880 --> 00:58:21,720
Speaker 1: at her face, she was snapping the whole time. We

1128
00:58:21,840 --> 00:58:24,840
Speaker 1: enjoyed it. You dropped some gems. You got me straight

1129
00:58:25,200 --> 00:58:27,720
Speaker 1: on liking well and down men. But you also told

1130
00:58:27,760 --> 00:58:29,919
Speaker 1: me I can like well down men, and I will

1131
00:58:29,960 --> 00:58:31,919
Speaker 1: be telling them that and that I have an inn

1132
00:58:31,920 --> 00:58:34,040
Speaker 1: in a butt. But I am standing on that, doc.

1133
00:58:34,840 --> 00:58:39,640
Speaker 1: I'm standing on that, So I'm just season really, I'm

1134
00:58:39,640 --> 00:58:44,640
Speaker 1: not teasing y'all. But um, thank you for joying us today.

1135
00:58:44,680 --> 00:58:47,520
Speaker 1: This was a great conversation than you got. You gave

1136
00:58:47,560 --> 00:58:49,840
Speaker 1: me a chance to be intellectual and sexual all the

1137
00:58:49,920 --> 00:58:52,120
Speaker 1: same time because I love it. I just think sex

1138
00:58:52,240 --> 00:58:54,800
Speaker 1: it's wonderful. It is wonderful, specially when you get into

1139
00:58:54,800 --> 00:58:56,600
Speaker 1: your forty Toney, it is the best ever. It goes

1140
00:58:56,640 --> 00:58:58,480
Speaker 1: to a different level hunt when you get older. But

1141
00:58:58,680 --> 00:59:02,000
Speaker 1: I thank you so much Donard for joining us. Make

1142
00:59:02,040 --> 00:59:04,200
Speaker 1: sure that you check her out on all of her

1143
00:59:04,320 --> 00:59:06,600
Speaker 1: social media's. We're gonna be asking her to get a

1144
00:59:06,640 --> 00:59:09,240
Speaker 1: podcast soon. Definitely come back here soon. Whatever I can do.

1145
00:59:09,280 --> 00:59:11,840
Speaker 1: Send me your information on Instagram, honey, letl tweet it out.

1146
00:59:12,080 --> 00:59:15,000
Speaker 1: We need you in the spaces. Please YouTube channel. I

1147
00:59:15,080 --> 00:59:17,080
Speaker 1: think you can really blow up. I really do, I

1148
00:59:17,200 --> 00:59:20,680
Speaker 1: really really do. Women are craving how they needed. You've

1149
00:59:20,720 --> 00:59:22,640
Speaker 1: got so many men out here blowing up with these

1150
00:59:22,720 --> 00:59:25,680
Speaker 1: messages that you know, you know are not good, and

1151
00:59:25,680 --> 00:59:27,880
Speaker 1: the women are literally craving it. When I go live

1152
00:59:27,920 --> 00:59:30,240
Speaker 1: to talk about this stuff, these women come tell them,

1153
00:59:30,240 --> 00:59:32,959
Speaker 1: tell them please. I mean, they wanted so so so bad.

1154
00:59:33,080 --> 00:59:35,720
Speaker 1: It is a need for your expertise. And I'm telling

1155
00:59:35,720 --> 00:59:38,560
Speaker 1: you women have nothing out there. Literally, I'm not saying

1156
00:59:38,560 --> 00:59:42,240
Speaker 1: it's not people doing stuff, but not anything that's pushed heavy.

1157
00:59:42,480 --> 00:59:44,760
Speaker 1: You know that's well known. They just don't have it,

1158
00:59:44,920 --> 00:59:46,680
Speaker 1: So you are needed. Thank you so much for joining this.

1159
00:59:46,760 --> 00:59:50,320
Speaker 1: Y'all check out us again next week. Every week every Thursday,

1160
00:59:50,360 --> 00:59:52,120
Speaker 1: new episode on Straight Shot, No chase it. It's your

1161
00:59:52,120 --> 00:59:53,720
Speaker 1: girl tells them figul from now and I'm gonna start

1162
00:59:53,760 --> 00:59:56,240
Speaker 1: talking about sex and politics and y'all not gonna shame

1163
00:59:56,280 --> 00:59:58,439
Speaker 1: me about it, but make sure you go check out

1164
00:59:58,560 --> 01:00:02,360
Speaker 1: on Amazon my shorts story about sex and politics and

1165
01:00:02,400 --> 01:00:04,560
Speaker 1: money and power. I wrote all of that in the

1166
01:00:04,560 --> 01:00:07,600
Speaker 1: state afforded before folks start getting caught in hotel rooms

1167
01:00:07,600 --> 01:00:10,120
Speaker 1: with crack and male prostitutes. I've been talking about it

1168
01:00:10,120 --> 01:00:11,960
Speaker 1: because it's always been in our politics. Look at the

1169
01:00:11,960 --> 01:00:14,720
Speaker 1: doctor looking at me like, oh, she needs a session

1170
01:00:14,760 --> 01:00:23,959
Speaker 1: for real. That's it. Got incident and everything in the girl,

1171
01:00:24,240 --> 01:00:26,800
Speaker 1: but they love it, these politicians and something else we

1172
01:00:26,840 --> 01:00:28,240
Speaker 1: could that you could. You could really be a good

1173
01:00:28,240 --> 01:00:31,440
Speaker 1: therapists for these politicians. And there's some big freaks. But anyway,

1174
01:00:32,480 --> 01:00:33,880
Speaker 1: we will see you all next time. Thank you for

1175
01:00:33,960 --> 01:00:36,680
Speaker 1: joining us straight Shot No Chaser piece. If you like

1176
01:00:36,880 --> 01:00:39,440
Speaker 1: what you heard on Straight Shot No Chaser, please subscribe

1177
01:00:39,480 --> 01:00:42,160
Speaker 1: and dropify, star review, and tell a friend. Straight Shot

1178
01:00:42,200 --> 01:00:44,640
Speaker 1: No Chaser is a production of The Black Effect Podcast

1179
01:00:44,720 --> 01:00:47,400
Speaker 1: Network and I Heart Radio figure Out and I'd like

1180
01:00:47,480 --> 01:00:50,840
Speaker 1: to thank our producer editor mixer, the one and Only

1181
01:00:50,960 --> 01:00:55,040
Speaker 1: Marcy de Pinut, mixed Master Dwayne Crawford, and our executive producer,

1182
01:00:55,120 --> 01:00:58,080
Speaker 1: Charlevagne the God. For more podcast from I heart Radio,

1183
01:00:58,280 --> 01:01:01,640
Speaker 1: visit the I heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever

1184
01:01:01,720 --> 01:01:02,800
Speaker 1: you get your podcasts.