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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Sam. This is a John your og

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Speaker 1: Okay Storytime podcast host, and we got some great stories

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Speaker 1: coming up. Before that, we have a quick two minute

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Speaker 1: break from the sponsors that keep the show a lot.

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Speaker 2: My boyfriend grew up in a disgusting household and I

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Speaker 2: can't take it anymore.

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Speaker 3: Then don't leave.

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Speaker 2: My boyfriend twenty nine male and I twenty eight female,

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Speaker 2: have been together going on eight years now. We met

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Speaker 2: while I was in college and have been inseparable since

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Speaker 2: the first time my boyfriend picked me up to go

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Speaker 2: on our first daid. His car was so dirty. There

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Speaker 2: was trash and god knows what on the floor, and

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Speaker 2: I did not even want to put my feet down.

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Speaker 2: The first time he invited me over to his parents' house,

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Speaker 2: I almost threw up the smell, the dirt, old clothes, trash,

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Speaker 2: dishes everywhere, horrible bathrooms, stains in the toilet and on

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Speaker 2: the seat, and they rarely ever have paper towels, let

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Speaker 2: alone tissues. By the way, this comes from Purple Dynamite

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Speaker 2: seventy six seventy And if you want to submit your

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Speaker 2: own story's gonna be our slash Okay Storytime separated it

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Speaker 2: so but still I somehow managed to stay and came

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Speaker 2: over more times after that.

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Speaker 4: I was never comfortable.

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Speaker 2: I hated being there, but I never had the heart

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Speaker 2: to say anything until shortly before we got our own place.

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Speaker 4: On top of this, they had roaches bad too.

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Speaker 5: It was horrible.

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Speaker 2: But again, I loved him so much and I was

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Speaker 2: scared to ever bring it up to him.

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Speaker 4: But my thought was always how is he okay living

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Speaker 4: with this? His parents are great. I adore his mom.

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Speaker 2: His dad can be embarrassing loud at times, but we

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Speaker 2: all still get along fine. I say to that, I

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Speaker 2: don't believe the issue has to do with the depression

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Speaker 2: or anything like that. I just think they're hoarders.

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Speaker 6: Which is like, you know, it's still a mental health crisis,

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Speaker 6: Like people don't live that way. Yeah, because everything is

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Speaker 6: something is Yeah, something's wrong.

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Speaker 2: Yeah sucks because his mom tries, and I know she

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Speaker 2: probably just got tired of cleaning up after grown men

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Speaker 2: all their lives, so she stopped cleaning. His parents have

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Speaker 2: a huge pool in nice backyard, but it is still

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Speaker 2: junkie things everywhere, just like in the house. They have

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Speaker 2: a bunch of people over and I'm always so shocked.

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Speaker 2: I'm embarrassed to ever invite my parents over. My mom

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Speaker 2: would have a heart attack and probably judge me for

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Speaker 2: not ever saying anything. We have always been taught to

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Speaker 2: keep a clean house to avoid bugs, and always cleaned

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Speaker 2: up before having guests. I'm talking the house would be spotless,

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Speaker 2: so I imagine my surprise when I first saw how

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Speaker 2: he and his family lived. We've been together for seven

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Speaker 2: years and our parents have never met each other. Part

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Speaker 2: of the reason for me is because I know my

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Speaker 2: parents would not approve of how they live and would

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Speaker 2: probably look down on me for putting up with this,

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Speaker 2: especially since they always taught us to be so clean

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Speaker 2: and tidy. My parents always bring up the fact that

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Speaker 2: they haven't met their parents yet, much more lately than normal,

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Speaker 2: since we were reaching eight years and not even engaged,

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Speaker 2: But I always agree and laugh it off, never set

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Speaker 2: any plans in motion because in the back of my mind,

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Speaker 2: all I can think about is how different his family

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Speaker 2: is from mine. We recently moved in together in October

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Speaker 2: twenty twenty four and things have been good. I know

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Speaker 2: how he and his parents lived before, and I still

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Speaker 2: ignored all the red flags because I love him so

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Speaker 2: much and hoped it was only his parents with the

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Speaker 2: problem and not him.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 4: Right. He made small efforts.

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Speaker 2: To clean his room at his parents, but nothing ever stuck.

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Speaker 2: I even swept and cleaned his room one time and

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Speaker 2: shortly after we had been together, and it went right

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Speaker 2: back to normal. So I have no clue why I

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Speaker 2: thought things would be different just because he was no

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Speaker 2: longer living with them in our apartment.

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Speaker 4: He does make.

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Speaker 2: Efforts to clean, but he lacks severely when it comes

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Speaker 2: to cleaning up after himself. He will make a sandwich

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Speaker 2: and leave all types of crumbs and jelly on the

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Speaker 2: counter and toaster, put dishes in the sink instead of

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Speaker 2: the dishwasher, leave hair and dirt stains on the toilet seat,

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Speaker 2: and never.

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Speaker 4: Cleans the bathroom.

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Speaker 2: It's so frustrating because he will literally ask me what

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Speaker 2: needs to be done, instead of being able to see

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Speaker 2: that there is mess that needs to be cleaned.

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Speaker 4: It's like dealing with a toddler, and I don't even

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Speaker 4: have kids.

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Speaker 2: Whenever I say anything to him, I automatically feel like

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Speaker 2: I'm nagging him or hurting his feelings. He's very receptive

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Speaker 2: when I say things, and we'll do it, but my

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Speaker 2: problem is it never really stick. Fast forward to this weekend.

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Speaker 2: He worked for a few hours and came home to

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Speaker 2: use the bathroom and take a shower. I'm relaxing on

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Speaker 2: the couch and shortly after he finishes, I decide to.

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Speaker 4: Go use the bathroom. To my shock and surprise, there

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Speaker 4: are stains on the toilet seat, poop still floating in

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Speaker 4: the toilet, and when I lifted the seat there was

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Speaker 4: a string was running off and it was so graphic.

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Speaker 6: I could not stand this relationship.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, man, I couldn't stand this relationship. That's hard.

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Speaker 3: I couldn't.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I could not, because that's different than being like messy.

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Speaker 4: It is dirty. It's dirty dirty.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 6: Oh yeah, man, I mean like, you can't be in

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Speaker 6: a relationship with someone who doesn't know how to look

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Speaker 6: after themselves.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, it's hard, dude. That was my last straw.

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Speaker 2: I immediately came out of the bathroom and told him

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Speaker 2: that he needed to clean it, and he responded, okay in.

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Speaker 4: A low, sad tone, okay, okay.

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Speaker 2: My blood was boiling because I still felt bad and

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Speaker 2: this was not the first time that something like this

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Speaker 2: has happened, and I'm always cleaning up his messages and

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Speaker 2: hate myself for not saying anything because to him, he

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Speaker 2: had no idea, and that was totally my fault for

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Speaker 2: always keeping things to myself instead of holding him accountable.

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Speaker 2: He cleaned the toilet but didn't do a good job,

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Speaker 2: and I still had to go after him and clean

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Speaker 2: the bottom of the toilet and floor, which I noticed

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Speaker 2: I always have to do when asking him to do

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Speaker 2: some type of cleaning. I have been so patient in

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Speaker 2: trying to wait for him to pick up on these things.

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Speaker 2: I'm pretty much a neat freak. I work from home

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Speaker 2: majority of the week, so I'm always wiping down counters

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Speaker 2: after I cook, do the dishes as I go, clean

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Speaker 2: the bathroom twice a week, mop, sweep, et cetera, and

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Speaker 2: clean up before bed. And he will sometimes help if

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Speaker 2: he sees me doing it or if I ask him

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Speaker 2: to help, which sucks. Why do I have to tell

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Speaker 2: you something needs to be done in order for you

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Speaker 2: to see that it is dirty. After he finished cleaning

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Speaker 2: and me going in to clean again after him, I

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Speaker 2: just got in the shower and started reflecting on our

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Speaker 2: entire relationship. So I decided I would speak to him

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Speaker 2: about it, and it went exactly how I imagined it would.

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Speaker 2: I told him the bathroom situation was not okay, and

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Speaker 2: how I don't understand how he doesn't see when things

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Speaker 2: need to be cleaned. I told him I feel like

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Speaker 2: a maid more often than not since living together, and

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Speaker 2: that he needs to be mindful he is no longer

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Speaker 2: living with his parents and that he's living with someone else.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, that is. I did forget that they were living

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Speaker 4: together because I know he moved out.

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Speaker 6: He moved out to live with her, and this is

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Speaker 6: what she's having to do, like picking up after him.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, it's so frustrating, right because at first I was

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Speaker 2: thinking like, yeah, this is the problem because if you

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Speaker 2: ever do live together, and they do live together, they

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Speaker 2: lived together, yeah, yeah, because he is like getting trained

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Speaker 2: that like that things will be fine, Like he's you'll

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Speaker 2: clean up after him, right and if or you'll tell

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Speaker 2: him what to do. Yeah, Like if he's okay with

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Speaker 2: living in this mess, then he probably thinks like, oh, well,

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Speaker 2: I mean she can clean if she wants to, because

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Speaker 2: I don't have a problem with it, so like I'm

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Speaker 2: not really you know what I mean. He apologized, said

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Speaker 2: he understood and said that he would try harder. He

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Speaker 2: did acknowledge that we grew up differently and that it

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Speaker 2: would take him some time to get out of some habits,

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Speaker 2: which I appreciated but still sucks to hear, and his

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Speaker 2: entire mood shifted. He was talking low, being short with me,

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Speaker 2: and I can tell I hurt his feelings, which is

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Speaker 2: why I always avoid having conversations like this because I

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Speaker 2: know that it will make him feel bad. And then

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Speaker 2: we just enter a quiet, awkward roommate phase of pleasantries.

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Speaker 2: And that's pretty much the vibe that it's been between

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Speaker 2: us since this weekend, us being quiet and polite as

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Speaker 2: we go about our daily activities.

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Speaker 3: We'll break up.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, that's not the best.

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Speaker 2: Way to communicate in those guys, No, it's not. We

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Speaker 2: shouldn't just ignore problems until we can talk again.

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Speaker 6: Liked bad, bad stuff bad, no nikes, dude, Yeah, break up.

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Speaker 2: I don't want him to feel like he has to

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Speaker 2: walk on eggshells every time he does something in the

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Speaker 2: apartment and thinking it has to be cleaned up immediately

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Speaker 2: or I will get upset. I just want him to

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Speaker 2: be mindful when he does things and clean up any

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Speaker 2: messes he makes. I just don't know how I win

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Speaker 2: in this situation. To top things off, this morning, as

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Speaker 2: I was getting ready to leave for work, I noticed

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Speaker 2: he made a pep and jay because there were crumbs

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Speaker 2: and jelly on the counter, not even forty eight hours

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Speaker 2: after we spoke. So I texted him about it because

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Speaker 2: after we had our talk, he told me he wants

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Speaker 2: me to let him know when he does things around

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Speaker 2: the house and he promises that I won't be nagging him.

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Speaker 2: So I did just that, texted him and told him,

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Speaker 2: and he came back and said that he's sorry and

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Speaker 2: that he promises that he is trying.

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Speaker 3: I believe he is.

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Speaker 2: I just hate that as women we have to be

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Speaker 2: overly patient with men as we wait for them to

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Speaker 2: grow up and get their lives together.

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Speaker 4: Don't, Yeah, you don't gotta don't. Can you choose it

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Speaker 4: who you want to be patient with?

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Speaker 7: Yeah?

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Speaker 2: I do get the pressure, but like, but yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 2: Amuln says, Okay, that is a bigger problem. If you

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Speaker 2: can't handle hearing, then he made a mistake without making

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Speaker 2: Opie feel guilty, then he's not ready for this level

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Speaker 2: of commitment.

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Speaker 4: Yeap, honestly, Because I mean, this is obviously like.

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Speaker 2: A big issue, but what if there's even bigger problems

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Speaker 2: that come up and he she doesn't a relationship.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, like you have to be.

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Speaker 2: Open to constructive criticism you're dealing with emotion, It's true.

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Speaker 5: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: I also feel like if I do get to the

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Speaker 2: point where I want to leave him, that also sucks

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Speaker 2: because now the next woman will have the perfect partner.

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Speaker 5: He is literally great to me.

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Speaker 2: Besides his cleanliness, so loving, kind and thoughtful, and he

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Speaker 2: makes me happy. We have the same likes and dislikes

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Speaker 2: and have a lot of fun together. I love him

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Speaker 2: so much, if you can't tell by the things I

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Speaker 2: put up with, and we've discussed getting married and kids,

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Speaker 2: but it's getting to the point where I'm not sure

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Speaker 2: if people really ever change, even if he says he will.

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Speaker 4: And I can't help but think to the future.

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Speaker 2: How am I possibly going to be comfortable having kids

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Speaker 2: with him, knowing his parents will want to see and

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Speaker 2: spend time with our kids at their home. I literally

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Speaker 2: get sick thinking about my future kids crawling on those floors,

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Speaker 2: using the bathroom, putting stuff in their mouths, and playing

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Speaker 2: with the roaches. I just don't know if I can

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Speaker 2: do this anymore. It's really been taking a toll on me. Yeah, honestly,

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Speaker 2: don't do it anymore with all that dirty stuff. It's

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Speaker 2: like that is a health issue. It's a hell that

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Speaker 2: you I can yeah be around that. And kids are

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Speaker 2: already so messy. So it's like you have to please,

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Speaker 2: as someone has grown up in a cluttered household, please

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Speaker 2: don't be cluttered for your kids.

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Speaker 4: Teach them out a cly Yeah, it's hard, you guys,

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Speaker 4: teach your kids.

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Speaker 2: So it's like if you're like, that's something that you

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Speaker 2: would want to look for in a partner when raising kids, especially.

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Speaker 6: Because Ope called herself an eat freak exactly.

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Speaker 4: Thing freak. Yeah, it's like that's something that we can't

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Speaker 4: be living with this guy.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, So how hot is this guy then to look

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Speaker 3: past this much mess? Yeah, dude, it's gonna be like

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Speaker 3: he like shines out in the middle of it, like

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Speaker 3: like a Prince charming like yeah.

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Speaker 2: And it honestly does like show more about their poor

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Speaker 2: communication if she's just been dealing with this the whole

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Speaker 2: eight years that they've been together. So how am I

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Speaker 2: to deny our kids from spending their time with their grandparents?

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Speaker 2: And I know it is too late for them to

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Speaker 2: change at this point, just because of how I'm feeling.

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Speaker 2: So I'm just feeling stuck. I'm such a nice person

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Speaker 2: and I hate it. I hate confrontation. I have a

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Speaker 2: hard time speaking up for myself and I can just

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Speaker 2: see an unhappy, miserable future for myself with postpartum depression guaranteed.

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Speaker 2: Please please, I need some advice on how I should

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Speaker 2: move forward with this relationship. I have been trying hard

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Speaker 2: not to show it, but I know he can tell

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Speaker 2: something's off with me, and I know his feelings are

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Speaker 2: still hurt. But I just don't know how to talk

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Speaker 2: to him about all of this. Our least in October

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Speaker 2: of this year. It will be August and three days

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Speaker 2: and we've been talking about and scheduling appointments to two

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Speaker 2: of the new apartment buildings once our lease is up.

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Speaker 2: But after the incident with the toilet, I've been popped

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Speaker 2: back into reality of our relationship and I don't know

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Speaker 2: what to do.

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Speaker 6: Help.

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Speaker 2: There is an edit I mentioned after the conversation we

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Speaker 2: had on Sunday, and it's now Tuesday morning that things

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Speaker 2: have been super awkward, quiet and polite between us. I

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Speaker 2: went out with my family on Sunday, and before I left,

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Speaker 2: I cleaned the shower and wiped the sink in the bathroom.

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Speaker 2: I was leaving the floor and toilet for him to

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Speaker 2: clean since we were going back to deep cleaning on Sundays.

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Speaker 2: I ran out to the dollar store to pick up

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Speaker 2: a few things before I left, honestly just feeling tired

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Speaker 2: and exhausted from the conversation we had, thinking about the

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Speaker 2: last seven years, reading all the harsh truths in the

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Speaker 2: comments and advice, and especially due to his reaction since

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Speaker 2: his feelings were hurt. I came back home and he

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Speaker 2: was in the middle of cleaning the entire apartment. Oh whoa, okay, dang, okay,

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Speaker 2: big turnaround.

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Speaker 6: Well it feels like an turn on and more of

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Speaker 6: just like, oh maybe if I do this.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean it's one day, so it's definitely not

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Speaker 2: like habits that he's forming.

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Speaker 3: But I mean seven weeks, yeah, seven weeks. It takes

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Speaker 3: the minimum amount of time it takes some farm my habit.

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Speaker 3: Yeah yeah, yeah, so break one.

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Speaker 2: But I mean it's it's a positive. Then it's a positive.

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Speaker 2: And I mean cleaning it how I would clean it.

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Speaker 2: In my head, I said, there's hope, but I also

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Speaker 2: feel like, wow, so you were able to clean the

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Speaker 2: guy clean this whole time.

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Speaker 4: You just needed me to say something. Yeah, that's a

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Speaker 4: good point. I didn't think about that.

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Speaker 6: That's what I was about to say.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: He swept, mopped, wiped down and put away our eating trays.

305
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Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, unloaded the dishwasher, wiped the counters, washed

306
00:12:36,679 --> 00:12:39,280
Speaker 2: his clothes, and even wiped the windowsills where we keep

307
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Speaker 2: our plants. I was shocked and relieved. I thanked him,

308
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Speaker 2: of course, and told him that I didn't expect him

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Speaker 2: to do it at all on his own.

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Speaker 4: He told me, I want to do it.

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Speaker 2: I just don't want you feeling like a maid anymore,

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Speaker 2: So I'm okay to do everything for now.

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Speaker 4: This this was all I wanted.

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Speaker 2: And part of me feels like a monster for coming

315
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Speaker 2: on Reddit and airing out his business when this was

316
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Speaker 2: all I on it. I hate that it took the

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Speaker 2: toilet incident for this to be the result. But hey,

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Speaker 2: fast forward to last night, just Monday now. I got

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Speaker 2: home early from work and got on the treadmill in

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Speaker 2: our building to clear my mind before going back upstairs.

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Speaker 2: He got home maybe fifteen minutes after I did, and

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Speaker 2: if I'm being honest, I was avoiding him a little,

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Speaker 2: so I took longer. I know he was still sad,

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Speaker 2: and the awkward silence and excuse me as we walked

325
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Speaker 2: past each other in the apartment while trying to go

326
00:13:25,360 --> 00:13:27,520
Speaker 2: about our daily routine was something I just didn't have

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Speaker 2: the energy for. After a long day at work, I

328
00:13:29,840 --> 00:13:32,200
Speaker 2: came home noticed he was sitting on the couch folding

329
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Speaker 2: his clothes. We did our pleasantries, and I got in

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Speaker 2: the shower. As I was in the shower, I had

331
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Speaker 2: a mini cry session, just thinking about all of it

332
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Speaker 2: and how I really feel about our relationship. And it

333
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Speaker 2: sucks because I still love him so much that it hurts,

334
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Speaker 2: and I see he is trying, but I also still

335
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Speaker 2: feel like I'm not as happy as I should be,

336
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Speaker 2: especially now.

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Speaker 4: After Saturday. When I got out of the shower, I

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Speaker 4: took a little longer to.

339
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Speaker 2: Do my aftercare routine because I knew that he would

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Speaker 2: be able to tell that I had been crying in

341
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Speaker 2: the shower. I came out after about ten minutes and

342
00:14:00,120 --> 00:14:02,800
Speaker 2: said hi to him, and he immediately said, so, I've

343
00:14:02,800 --> 00:14:05,839
Speaker 2: been thinking more about our conversation and I'm sorry. He

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00:14:05,920 --> 00:14:07,360
Speaker 2: then went on to say that he is sorry that

345
00:14:07,400 --> 00:14:09,160
Speaker 2: I made him feel like a maid and that he

346
00:14:09,360 --> 00:14:10,920
Speaker 2: was sorry that I felt like I couldn't talk to

347
00:14:11,000 --> 00:14:13,280
Speaker 2: him about these things. He also brought up a conversation

348
00:14:13,400 --> 00:14:15,640
Speaker 2: that we had four years ago when I indeed tried

349
00:14:15,679 --> 00:14:17,880
Speaker 2: to break up with him because of his cleanliness and

350
00:14:18,080 --> 00:14:20,480
Speaker 2: ended up staying with him after he apologized and we

351
00:14:20,600 --> 00:14:23,920
Speaker 2: had a heart heart Okay, so that's interesting.

352
00:14:24,200 --> 00:14:26,880
Speaker 4: We did have a conversation with this a few years ago.

353
00:14:27,160 --> 00:14:29,440
Speaker 6: Yeah, but it did nothing changed until like now, I

354
00:14:29,600 --> 00:14:30,000
Speaker 6: guess not.

355
00:14:30,320 --> 00:14:32,880
Speaker 2: I mean, he apologized before, and I guess that was

356
00:14:33,080 --> 00:14:36,240
Speaker 2: enough to keep her in the relationship.

357
00:14:36,360 --> 00:14:39,040
Speaker 4: But I guess so I'm a little worried that that

358
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Speaker 4: means that that's gonna happen now.

359
00:14:41,920 --> 00:14:43,280
Speaker 6: I feel like he's just gonna revert back.

360
00:14:43,400 --> 00:14:46,840
Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly after that convo, he asked me to always

361
00:14:46,960 --> 00:14:49,120
Speaker 2: let him know when something is bothering me, no matter what,

362
00:14:49,520 --> 00:14:51,960
Speaker 2: if it hurts his feelings or not. I will admit

363
00:14:52,040 --> 00:14:53,680
Speaker 2: I'm in the wrong because I did tell him I

364
00:14:53,720 --> 00:14:55,600
Speaker 2: would work on doing that, and I can admit I

365
00:14:55,680 --> 00:14:55,960
Speaker 2: have not.

366
00:14:56,160 --> 00:14:57,720
Speaker 4: Done that, So that's on me.

367
00:14:58,080 --> 00:14:58,280
Speaker 3: Yeah.

368
00:14:58,400 --> 00:15:01,000
Speaker 2: The people, Yeah, they don't seemed to have very good

369
00:15:01,160 --> 00:15:02,600
Speaker 2: communication in this story.

370
00:15:03,000 --> 00:15:04,680
Speaker 4: She always like kept it in and just kind of

371
00:15:04,760 --> 00:15:05,880
Speaker 4: cleaned is let it fester.

372
00:15:06,160 --> 00:15:06,360
Speaker 3: Yeah.

373
00:15:06,560 --> 00:15:09,520
Speaker 2: After he apologizes, he also adds that he wants me

374
00:15:09,600 --> 00:15:11,280
Speaker 2: to give him some time to make all of these

375
00:15:11,400 --> 00:15:13,440
Speaker 2: things have it, and he admitted that this was his

376
00:15:13,560 --> 00:15:16,000
Speaker 2: first time living alone after his parents, and he thanked

377
00:15:16,040 --> 00:15:18,600
Speaker 2: me for having patience with him. After this, he started

378
00:15:18,680 --> 00:15:21,360
Speaker 2: remembering a very few small things that I do that

379
00:15:21,480 --> 00:15:22,080
Speaker 2: annoy him.

380
00:15:22,440 --> 00:15:22,880
Speaker 4: I asked.

381
00:15:22,960 --> 00:15:26,040
Speaker 2: I did ask him when we had the conversation on Saturday,

382
00:15:26,200 --> 00:15:28,920
Speaker 2: so that I could be mindful and didn't want him

383
00:15:29,040 --> 00:15:31,040
Speaker 2: thinking that I was just picking on him. When I

384
00:15:31,200 --> 00:15:33,440
Speaker 2: told him, I felt like a maid because of all

385
00:15:33,480 --> 00:15:35,120
Speaker 2: the things I do to clean up after him. So

386
00:15:35,280 --> 00:15:38,880
Speaker 2: yesterday he brings up that sometimes maybe twice left the

387
00:15:38,920 --> 00:15:41,880
Speaker 2: toothpaste in the sink, understandable in an accident, but I

388
00:15:41,960 --> 00:15:44,720
Speaker 2: agreed to be mindful. He says that I will sometimes

389
00:15:44,800 --> 00:15:47,200
Speaker 2: tell him that I will do something like wipe out

390
00:15:47,200 --> 00:15:49,600
Speaker 2: the dryer, put a load of clothes, and.

391
00:15:50,160 --> 00:15:50,960
Speaker 4: Don't get to it.

392
00:15:51,080 --> 00:15:53,160
Speaker 2: When I say, in my head, I was thinking yes,

393
00:15:53,280 --> 00:15:56,400
Speaker 2: probably because I got sidetracked and started to clean up

394
00:15:56,440 --> 00:15:58,520
Speaker 2: one of his messes, but I didn't say this out loud.

395
00:15:59,080 --> 00:15:59,880
Speaker 3: I see what's happening.

396
00:16:00,720 --> 00:16:03,880
Speaker 8: Yeah, we have the boyfriend that has a huge problem,

397
00:16:04,440 --> 00:16:07,080
Speaker 8: and he feels very called out for having this huge problem,

398
00:16:07,320 --> 00:16:09,800
Speaker 8: and the girlfriend has small little problems. But to keep

399
00:16:09,880 --> 00:16:12,800
Speaker 8: it even he's playing school because he keeps bringing up

400
00:16:12,840 --> 00:16:14,200
Speaker 8: stuff from the past, you know.

401
00:16:14,480 --> 00:16:16,600
Speaker 2: Yeah, And I think it's important to note that these

402
00:16:16,680 --> 00:16:20,480
Speaker 2: problems are cleanliness problems too, So he's probably thinking, like, well,

403
00:16:20,520 --> 00:16:22,440
Speaker 2: why are you saying this about me when you're doing

404
00:16:22,480 --> 00:16:24,120
Speaker 2: all this difference?

405
00:16:24,240 --> 00:16:27,200
Speaker 8: Yeah, because I think there's a difference between being human

406
00:16:27,280 --> 00:16:31,479
Speaker 8: and forgetting a few things versus living disorderly.

407
00:16:31,840 --> 00:16:34,240
Speaker 4: Yeah, I exactly like choosing to live like that.

408
00:16:34,480 --> 00:16:37,240
Speaker 8: Yeah, I've learned that I do not like a messy room.

409
00:16:37,760 --> 00:16:40,080
Speaker 8: How it was pretty rough being with me in my

410
00:16:40,200 --> 00:16:42,400
Speaker 8: room today, wasn't it. Well you're moving I know, but

411
00:16:42,520 --> 00:16:46,320
Speaker 8: like I understood, I was like, ah, yeah, yeah, I'm

412
00:16:46,360 --> 00:16:47,280
Speaker 8: not having a good time.

413
00:16:47,480 --> 00:16:47,640
Speaker 6: Yeah.

414
00:16:47,720 --> 00:16:50,320
Speaker 2: Which is honestly a kind of good example because it's

415
00:16:50,400 --> 00:16:51,880
Speaker 2: like it affects your mental health.

416
00:16:52,000 --> 00:16:55,320
Speaker 4: You're a living space, oh yeah, even though it might.

417
00:16:55,240 --> 00:16:58,120
Speaker 2: Be comfortable because you're used to that, like it overall

418
00:16:58,200 --> 00:17:00,960
Speaker 2: and very subconsciously, if you have a clear space, you

419
00:17:01,040 --> 00:17:03,680
Speaker 2: will just feel so much better, even if you're not

420
00:17:03,840 --> 00:17:06,320
Speaker 2: in nutspace, Like even if just the backyard was clean,

421
00:17:06,400 --> 00:17:08,200
Speaker 2: and you just saw it through the kitchen, like I

422
00:17:08,280 --> 00:17:09,240
Speaker 2: think would feel better.

423
00:17:09,359 --> 00:17:13,800
Speaker 3: A clean room reflects the state of your mind, for sure.

424
00:17:14,040 --> 00:17:15,800
Speaker 4: All in all, the conversation went well.

425
00:17:15,960 --> 00:17:18,159
Speaker 2: He apologized for being quite the past few days and

426
00:17:18,240 --> 00:17:20,680
Speaker 2: that he was just sad and processing everything that I

427
00:17:20,720 --> 00:17:22,800
Speaker 2: said to him. He said he loves me very much,

428
00:17:22,880 --> 00:17:24,600
Speaker 2: and he hugged and kissed me afterwards.

429
00:17:24,680 --> 00:17:25,320
Speaker 4: I couldn't help but.

430
00:17:25,400 --> 00:17:27,919
Speaker 2: Think about the toilet again. But I'm willing to give

431
00:17:28,000 --> 00:17:29,600
Speaker 2: him until the end of our lease to make a

432
00:17:29,680 --> 00:17:31,800
Speaker 2: one eighty. If he does it, then I'll know what

433
00:17:31,960 --> 00:17:34,120
Speaker 2: I need to do. I have a bunch of money

434
00:17:34,240 --> 00:17:36,560
Speaker 2: saved up, and we'll start to look into a studio

435
00:17:36,600 --> 00:17:39,240
Speaker 2: apartment as a backup option in case things don't work out.

436
00:17:40,480 --> 00:17:43,720
Speaker 2: I think it's nice to like give him a little

437
00:17:43,760 --> 00:17:47,080
Speaker 2: bit of grace here. He learned these habits from his

438
00:17:47,240 --> 00:17:49,360
Speaker 2: parents and growing up, and it's like that's so hard

439
00:17:49,400 --> 00:17:52,040
Speaker 2: to unlearn because you just see no problem with it. Really,

440
00:17:52,480 --> 00:17:54,080
Speaker 2: Like you're like, yeah, I could clean it, like I

441
00:17:54,200 --> 00:17:56,359
Speaker 2: know how to clean it, but like I just don't

442
00:17:56,440 --> 00:17:58,399
Speaker 2: think I need to. Like it just doesn't you know,

443
00:17:58,920 --> 00:18:02,200
Speaker 2: we're is crazy for the woostains, But yeah, like it

444
00:18:02,359 --> 00:18:05,480
Speaker 2: when you're with your family or when you're with a partner,

445
00:18:05,560 --> 00:18:07,879
Speaker 2: you have a lot more forgiveness there, which is obviously

446
00:18:07,920 --> 00:18:08,760
Speaker 2: what's happening with Op.

447
00:18:08,960 --> 00:18:09,120
Speaker 3: Two.

448
00:18:09,520 --> 00:18:11,480
Speaker 2: But like once, if you're either living on your own

449
00:18:11,560 --> 00:18:14,040
Speaker 2: or like living with roommates, that you don't have any

450
00:18:14,320 --> 00:18:17,080
Speaker 2: forgiveness there because they're like, dude, you gotta do this

451
00:18:17,359 --> 00:18:21,320
Speaker 2: or else, like like it becomes like a business transaction there.

452
00:18:21,400 --> 00:18:23,879
Speaker 2: So yeah, yes, maam, but there's a little bit more

453
00:18:23,880 --> 00:18:26,320
Speaker 2: into the story. So I really do love him, and

454
00:18:26,400 --> 00:18:28,480
Speaker 2: I see that he is trying. As I'm typing this,

455
00:18:28,600 --> 00:18:30,960
Speaker 2: he texted me asking how he left the toilet this morning,

456
00:18:31,080 --> 00:18:33,440
Speaker 2: because he made sure he looked at it when he finished,

457
00:18:33,520 --> 00:18:36,240
Speaker 2: and he flushed twice. I appreciate his efforts, I really do,

458
00:18:36,440 --> 00:18:38,280
Speaker 2: but also some part of me still feels like it

459
00:18:38,280 --> 00:18:40,479
Speaker 2: would be best to end things and if we end

460
00:18:40,560 --> 00:18:42,520
Speaker 2: up back together, then we do, and if we don't,

461
00:18:42,600 --> 00:18:45,120
Speaker 2: we don't. He kept saying to give him some time,

462
00:18:45,400 --> 00:18:47,560
Speaker 2: But how much time is too much?

463
00:18:47,880 --> 00:18:48,320
Speaker 5: I don't know.

464
00:18:48,640 --> 00:18:50,760
Speaker 2: I will try to go back to normal as much

465
00:18:50,800 --> 00:18:52,720
Speaker 2: as I can, because I know that that's what he's

466
00:18:52,760 --> 00:18:55,120
Speaker 2: hoping for. After we talked yesterday, I know he could

467
00:18:55,160 --> 00:18:56,840
Speaker 2: tell something was still off, and I know I told

468
00:18:56,920 --> 00:18:59,040
Speaker 2: him and you wonderful people in the comments that I

469
00:18:59,080 --> 00:19:01,080
Speaker 2: would tell him when some things bothering me. So I

470
00:19:01,160 --> 00:19:03,159
Speaker 2: want to tell him I truly appreciate his efforts to

471
00:19:03,240 --> 00:19:05,680
Speaker 2: keep the apartment clean, but his car his parents' house

472
00:19:05,760 --> 00:19:07,520
Speaker 2: is still a very big issue to me, and honestly,

473
00:19:07,800 --> 00:19:10,560
Speaker 2: just to see what he says after these conversations we've

474
00:19:10,600 --> 00:19:12,360
Speaker 2: had to do, feel as if I'm able to open

475
00:19:12,440 --> 00:19:14,280
Speaker 2: up a little bit more to him. So I want

476
00:19:14,359 --> 00:19:17,119
Speaker 2: to give myself time to think about the wording, but

477
00:19:17,240 --> 00:19:19,760
Speaker 2: I'm planning on bringing this up to him soon. Thank

478
00:19:19,800 --> 00:19:21,680
Speaker 2: you all so much for the advice and comments and

479
00:19:21,720 --> 00:19:22,439
Speaker 2: words of wisdom.

480
00:19:22,600 --> 00:19:23,600
Speaker 4: I truly needed it.

481
00:19:23,960 --> 00:19:26,720
Speaker 2: I'm also researching therapists to help me with my own issues,

482
00:19:26,760 --> 00:19:29,120
Speaker 2: and am contemplating and bringing it up to him once

483
00:19:29,160 --> 00:19:30,480
Speaker 2: I do find one to see if he would be

484
00:19:30,520 --> 00:19:31,680
Speaker 2: open to seeing one as well.

485
00:19:32,160 --> 00:19:33,040
Speaker 4: So thank you.

486
00:19:33,359 --> 00:19:34,040
Speaker 2: I like this.

487
00:19:35,080 --> 00:19:37,359
Speaker 3: I like this a lot. Taking a step back. I

488
00:19:37,520 --> 00:19:41,480
Speaker 3: could not live with someone this messy, because.

489
00:19:41,240 --> 00:19:44,040
Speaker 7: Like that affects your mental health, dude, it really does,

490
00:19:44,240 --> 00:19:46,240
Speaker 7: and you've got to be the best possible person of

491
00:19:46,359 --> 00:19:50,840
Speaker 7: yourself before you, you know, engage in a marital situation right,

492
00:19:50,920 --> 00:19:51,920
Speaker 7: and she was thinking.

493
00:19:51,760 --> 00:19:53,760
Speaker 2: Too, like about kids, like if they had kids, and

494
00:19:53,880 --> 00:19:56,560
Speaker 2: like either they lived like this or they wanted to

495
00:19:56,640 --> 00:19:59,520
Speaker 2: go to his parents' house, like the kids would be

496
00:19:59,600 --> 00:20:02,080
Speaker 2: getting all that grime all over them because they're kids.

497
00:20:02,119 --> 00:20:02,520
Speaker 4: They don't know.

498
00:20:02,680 --> 00:20:05,440
Speaker 8: Well, they could also help with their immune system though, yes,

499
00:20:05,560 --> 00:20:07,160
Speaker 8: but I see what pros now.

500
00:20:07,359 --> 00:20:10,920
Speaker 4: You could have diseases though, no, beat the diseases.

501
00:20:10,600 --> 00:20:11,160
Speaker 8: When you're younger.

502
00:20:11,480 --> 00:20:13,080
Speaker 3: Node.

503
00:20:13,520 --> 00:20:16,200
Speaker 6: My sister wanted my wedding to be all about.

504
00:20:15,960 --> 00:20:18,320
Speaker 3: Her, Well, maybe she should get married.

505
00:20:18,280 --> 00:20:20,600
Speaker 6: And folks, this comes directly from the r slash Okay

506
00:20:20,640 --> 00:20:24,120
Speaker 6: storytime superate it. I'm getting married in August this year.

507
00:20:24,320 --> 00:20:27,360
Speaker 6: Me female twenty eight, and my fiance, male twenty nine,

508
00:20:27,400 --> 00:20:30,240
Speaker 6: are very excited and looking forward to it. I made

509
00:20:30,280 --> 00:20:32,400
Speaker 6: my sister, a female forty three, my maid of honor

510
00:20:32,480 --> 00:20:34,159
Speaker 6: because I knew how much it would mean to her

511
00:20:34,480 --> 00:20:36,880
Speaker 6: as my maid of honor. She was planning my bachelorette

512
00:20:36,920 --> 00:20:39,520
Speaker 6: party as a surprise to me. She recently had a

513
00:20:39,600 --> 00:20:43,280
Speaker 6: baby who is gorgeous, but when she was still pregnant,

514
00:20:43,320 --> 00:20:45,520
Speaker 6: she basically told me that she can't drink at my

515
00:20:45,600 --> 00:20:48,200
Speaker 6: party and she would have to bring the baby along

516
00:20:48,320 --> 00:20:50,600
Speaker 6: as they would be too young to leave. The baby

517
00:20:50,600 --> 00:20:53,920
Speaker 6: would be about three ish month months old. By the way,

518
00:20:54,040 --> 00:20:56,480
Speaker 6: this comes from throwing shade four nine nine and if

519
00:20:56,480 --> 00:20:58,000
Speaker 6: you want to spit your own stories, go to the

520
00:20:58,119 --> 00:21:01,560
Speaker 6: r slash Okay Storytime superate it. So I asked for

521
00:21:01,640 --> 00:21:04,119
Speaker 6: a very simple occasion that wouldn't cost people a lot

522
00:21:04,160 --> 00:21:06,440
Speaker 6: of money, just food and drinks in my local city,

523
00:21:06,920 --> 00:21:09,680
Speaker 6: and possibly a cocktail making class, as I have always

524
00:21:09,720 --> 00:21:13,320
Speaker 6: found those fun before. However, my maid of honor was

525
00:21:13,400 --> 00:21:15,720
Speaker 6: having difficulty finding a bar that would allow her to

526
00:21:15,760 --> 00:21:18,639
Speaker 6: bring her infant son along to the cocktail class. She

527
00:21:18,800 --> 00:21:20,800
Speaker 6: constantly told me that she can't do that, and so

528
00:21:20,920 --> 00:21:22,840
Speaker 6: she was going to let one of my other bridesmaids

529
00:21:23,000 --> 00:21:25,679
Speaker 6: organize it because she wouldn't plan a party she couldn't

530
00:21:25,720 --> 00:21:27,960
Speaker 6: go to, which I told her was fine if she

531
00:21:28,040 --> 00:21:30,760
Speaker 6: didn't feel comfortable planning it and that my other bridesmaids

532
00:21:30,800 --> 00:21:33,119
Speaker 6: could plan. This annoyed her as she wanted me to

533
00:21:33,240 --> 00:21:37,040
Speaker 6: change my expectations and centered it around what she could attend.

534
00:21:37,520 --> 00:21:40,359
Speaker 6: She wanted to try and involve my young nieces and

535
00:21:40,480 --> 00:21:42,879
Speaker 6: nephews from both mine and my fiance's side in the

536
00:21:42,920 --> 00:21:46,240
Speaker 6: party process, like having one where the kids could get involved.

537
00:21:46,560 --> 00:21:49,160
Speaker 6: I said, the kids don't need to be involved, as

538
00:21:49,240 --> 00:21:51,680
Speaker 6: in my opinion, it's a very adult occasion and I

539
00:21:51,800 --> 00:21:53,480
Speaker 6: spend as much time as I can with all the

540
00:21:53,560 --> 00:21:56,760
Speaker 6: kids anyway, So my maid of honor eventually had an

541
00:21:56,800 --> 00:22:01,640
Speaker 6: idea and organized a party. The other bridesmaids basically kept

542
00:22:01,640 --> 00:22:03,919
Speaker 6: telling me that they didn't even know what was happening,

543
00:22:04,480 --> 00:22:08,280
Speaker 6: and they were constantly offering her to help, which she declined. Eventually,

544
00:22:08,400 --> 00:22:10,520
Speaker 6: my mom female sixty seven, had to tell her to

545
00:22:10,640 --> 00:22:13,000
Speaker 6: utilize the others who were more than willing to help

546
00:22:13,680 --> 00:22:17,000
Speaker 6: as she was busy with a new baby, totally understandable.

547
00:22:17,800 --> 00:22:19,600
Speaker 6: Then the party came, and at first I thought it

548
00:22:19,680 --> 00:22:22,840
Speaker 6: was a cool and neat idea, but after a while

549
00:22:23,080 --> 00:22:25,800
Speaker 6: it started to feel like a kid's party with crafting

550
00:22:25,880 --> 00:22:28,240
Speaker 6: and stuff. Yet she's throwing a party for her baby,

551
00:22:28,840 --> 00:22:31,920
Speaker 6: which I wasn't really interested in and had explicitly asked

552
00:22:31,960 --> 00:22:34,159
Speaker 6: for there to be no crafting. I like crafting in

553
00:22:34,200 --> 00:22:37,399
Speaker 6: my spare time as a hobby, knitting, crocheting, and cross stitching,

554
00:22:37,840 --> 00:22:40,399
Speaker 6: and I've done pottery painting a few times too. I

555
00:22:40,520 --> 00:22:42,359
Speaker 6: wanted a night off from crafting, as I do it

556
00:22:42,400 --> 00:22:45,879
Speaker 6: almost daily anyway, the cocktail we made was done at

557
00:22:45,920 --> 00:22:48,400
Speaker 6: a table, not behind a bar, and was done in groups,

558
00:22:48,800 --> 00:22:50,280
Speaker 6: so it felt like when you were doing something in

559
00:22:50,359 --> 00:22:52,600
Speaker 6: groups at school and you had to take turns pouring

560
00:22:52,640 --> 00:22:55,840
Speaker 6: the stuff into the cocktail shaker, with the bartender actually

561
00:22:55,920 --> 00:22:58,720
Speaker 6: talking to us like kids at one point, as my

562
00:22:58,800 --> 00:23:00,440
Speaker 6: maid of honor had to keep going going off to

563
00:23:00,520 --> 00:23:03,800
Speaker 6: the side to upfront to speed the baby. My future

564
00:23:03,880 --> 00:23:06,800
Speaker 6: sister in law took up running some games and activities

565
00:23:06,880 --> 00:23:09,520
Speaker 6: during this time so that there wasn't a lull. I

566
00:23:09,640 --> 00:23:12,680
Speaker 6: realized the effort that went into it and did not

567
00:23:12,880 --> 00:23:17,119
Speaker 6: want to seem ungrateful, so constantly thanked my mom and

568
00:23:17,320 --> 00:23:20,480
Speaker 6: maid of honor for their efforts, and my other bridesmaids

569
00:23:20,520 --> 00:23:23,520
Speaker 6: for the small parts they played. After this main event,

570
00:23:23,600 --> 00:23:25,560
Speaker 6: a few of us went out for more food, drinks,

571
00:23:25,640 --> 00:23:28,639
Speaker 6: and dancing. I realized, although it wasn't really what I wanted,

572
00:23:29,200 --> 00:23:31,560
Speaker 6: a lot of effort went into it and we did

573
00:23:31,680 --> 00:23:34,399
Speaker 6: have fun during some of it. My future sister in

574
00:23:34,480 --> 00:23:37,040
Speaker 6: law female thirty three is one of my bridesmaids as

575
00:23:37,119 --> 00:23:39,879
Speaker 6: I love her so much and feel lucky I have

576
00:23:40,040 --> 00:23:42,359
Speaker 6: in laws I love so much. I felt like I

577
00:23:42,440 --> 00:23:45,399
Speaker 6: talked with people throughout. There were about fifteen people plus me,

578
00:23:46,119 --> 00:23:48,160
Speaker 6: but having been seated at the top of the table,

579
00:23:48,280 --> 00:23:51,440
Speaker 6: I included everyone as much as I could. Plus we

580
00:23:51,520 --> 00:23:53,560
Speaker 6: had games too, which integrated everyone.

581
00:23:54,160 --> 00:23:55,560
Speaker 4: It doesn't sound like that bad.

582
00:23:56,080 --> 00:23:58,160
Speaker 6: My future sister in law knew I was a tad

583
00:23:58,280 --> 00:24:01,120
Speaker 6: uneasy about the baby being there to booze being involved,

584
00:24:01,280 --> 00:24:04,159
Speaker 6: made of honor, wasn't drinking, so she was keeping an

585
00:24:04,160 --> 00:24:06,320
Speaker 6: eye on that and making sure nothing went wrong so

586
00:24:06,480 --> 00:24:10,360
Speaker 6: I could relax. Anyway, fast forward to the next day.

587
00:24:11,119 --> 00:24:13,520
Speaker 6: I stayed at my future sister in law's house as

588
00:24:13,560 --> 00:24:16,280
Speaker 6: she came out dancing with us after and wanted to

589
00:24:16,320 --> 00:24:19,080
Speaker 6: make sure I was safe. After sleeping in and getting

590
00:24:19,119 --> 00:24:21,800
Speaker 6: takeout breakfast, I made my way back to my mom's house.

591
00:24:22,280 --> 00:24:25,000
Speaker 6: They had taken some of my gifts and party favors

592
00:24:25,040 --> 00:24:26,639
Speaker 6: back to their home for me, so I didn't have

593
00:24:26,720 --> 00:24:29,159
Speaker 6: to carry them around with me. I walked in and

594
00:24:29,320 --> 00:24:33,200
Speaker 6: could instantly tell something wasn't right, as when my mom

595
00:24:33,280 --> 00:24:36,639
Speaker 6: saw me, she didn't seem happy. I said my pleasantries

596
00:24:36,720 --> 00:24:40,080
Speaker 6: and asked what was wrong. My mom then started shouting

597
00:24:40,520 --> 00:24:43,280
Speaker 6: and freaming at me. She let rip at me for

598
00:24:43,400 --> 00:24:46,480
Speaker 6: god knows how long about how I ignored everyone but

599
00:24:46,600 --> 00:24:49,040
Speaker 6: my future sister in law and other bridesmaids, and that

600
00:24:49,119 --> 00:24:51,560
Speaker 6: I had taken everything they had done for granted and

601
00:24:51,680 --> 00:24:52,399
Speaker 6: not said thank you.

602
00:24:52,560 --> 00:24:54,679
Speaker 4: Once I pointed out.

603
00:24:54,680 --> 00:24:57,080
Speaker 6: I thanked everyone who had a part to play, especially

604
00:24:57,160 --> 00:24:59,879
Speaker 6: my mom had made of honor. Every time I thanked

605
00:25:00,119 --> 00:25:02,280
Speaker 6: my mom at the event itself, she told me it

606
00:25:02,359 --> 00:25:03,840
Speaker 6: was all my made of honor and she didn't need

607
00:25:03,880 --> 00:25:06,680
Speaker 6: the thing. So I posted a thank you on Facebook,

608
00:25:06,680 --> 00:25:08,879
Speaker 6: and now she was angry she wasn't mentioned in it.

609
00:25:09,680 --> 00:25:12,760
Speaker 3: Dang, what a completely useless thing to be upset about.

610
00:25:12,960 --> 00:25:16,760
Speaker 6: Truly, it was a lose lose situation. She then proceeded

611
00:25:16,800 --> 00:25:18,600
Speaker 6: to shout about all the effort that went into it,

612
00:25:19,040 --> 00:25:21,520
Speaker 6: how much it had cost, and that my other bridesmaids

613
00:25:21,560 --> 00:25:24,040
Speaker 6: had paid small amounts for what they had done and

614
00:25:24,160 --> 00:25:26,440
Speaker 6: were expecting for my mom and made of honor to pay,

615
00:25:26,560 --> 00:25:30,040
Speaker 6: which didn't sound like them at all. She also decided

616
00:25:30,080 --> 00:25:32,159
Speaker 6: to remind me that future sister in law is not

617
00:25:32,359 --> 00:25:34,920
Speaker 6: my family and as much as future sister in law

618
00:25:35,000 --> 00:25:37,760
Speaker 6: wants me to be the sister she never had, that

619
00:25:37,880 --> 00:25:38,960
Speaker 6: I will never be your sister.

620
00:25:39,720 --> 00:25:43,639
Speaker 4: Girl, calm yourself down, what is going on?

621
00:25:43,880 --> 00:25:46,720
Speaker 6: Why are you freaking out, and this is what I

622
00:25:46,840 --> 00:25:49,639
Speaker 6: found most hurtful, as to me, it speaks to her

623
00:25:49,760 --> 00:25:52,439
Speaker 6: state of mind of people who have married and are

624
00:25:52,520 --> 00:25:57,200
Speaker 6: yet to marry into the family, including my fiancee. Will

625
00:25:57,280 --> 00:26:01,000
Speaker 6: my mom ever truly see fiance's family even when we

626
00:26:01,080 --> 00:26:04,480
Speaker 6: have been married for ten twenty thirty years. It was

627
00:26:04,600 --> 00:26:06,840
Speaker 6: so hurtful and upsetting, and I told her, I'm glad

628
00:26:06,920 --> 00:26:09,159
Speaker 6: she's made her views on in laws not being family,

629
00:26:09,880 --> 00:26:11,800
Speaker 6: and that I would be sure to tell fiance that

630
00:26:11,880 --> 00:26:14,040
Speaker 6: he will never be treated like family by my mom.

631
00:26:14,640 --> 00:26:16,159
Speaker 6: I told her, I'll be sure to tell my two

632
00:26:16,240 --> 00:26:19,280
Speaker 6: brothers wives the same thing. My dad was trying to

633
00:26:19,359 --> 00:26:21,320
Speaker 6: stick up her and said that's not what she meant,

634
00:26:21,920 --> 00:26:24,000
Speaker 6: but that I ignored my own sister in favor of

635
00:26:24,040 --> 00:26:27,440
Speaker 6: my future sister in law, which isn't even true. My

636
00:26:27,600 --> 00:26:29,560
Speaker 6: dad tried to get us to calm down and talk

637
00:26:29,640 --> 00:26:32,879
Speaker 6: things out, but I was so angry. I said all

638
00:26:32,960 --> 00:26:35,360
Speaker 6: I did was bend over to make my sister comfortable

639
00:26:35,440 --> 00:26:38,760
Speaker 6: at that party. How I had to sacrifice the party

640
00:26:38,840 --> 00:26:41,560
Speaker 6: I wanted so she could feel more included, and that

641
00:26:41,680 --> 00:26:44,800
Speaker 6: everything about this wedding has been about accommodating her. We

642
00:26:44,920 --> 00:26:47,720
Speaker 6: had to try on so many bridesmaid's dresses because she

643
00:26:47,880 --> 00:26:49,680
Speaker 6: didn't like the ones I had picked out because she

644
00:26:49,720 --> 00:26:53,160
Speaker 6: wouldn't be able to breastfeed. That is a fair concern,

645
00:26:54,000 --> 00:26:56,400
Speaker 6: but I feel like there's got, I don't know, gotta.

646
00:26:56,200 --> 00:26:57,280
Speaker 3: Be some easier fix.

647
00:26:57,800 --> 00:26:59,399
Speaker 6: We had to see her next to my mom so

648
00:26:59,520 --> 00:27:01,560
Speaker 6: she could have help with her eldest child. She's a

649
00:27:01,600 --> 00:27:04,280
Speaker 6: single mom. I even wasn't allowed to ask my future

650
00:27:04,280 --> 00:27:06,440
Speaker 6: sister in law to wedding dress fittings because it would

651
00:27:06,520 --> 00:27:11,520
Speaker 6: upset her. Okay, well no, no, it's your wedding dress fitting.

652
00:27:12,040 --> 00:27:13,480
Speaker 6: Why did you make her your maid of honor?

653
00:27:13,600 --> 00:27:15,600
Speaker 3: You can get what you can. Anyone else would bring

654
00:27:15,640 --> 00:27:17,439
Speaker 3: me whoever you want to this event.

655
00:27:18,080 --> 00:27:20,240
Speaker 6: My sister even fought me on what we had asked

656
00:27:20,240 --> 00:27:22,800
Speaker 6: her to read at the wedding ceremony because she didn't

657
00:27:22,920 --> 00:27:24,960
Speaker 6: like it and wanted what we had asked my sister

658
00:27:25,000 --> 00:27:27,720
Speaker 6: in law brother's wife to read. I told my mom,

659
00:27:27,760 --> 00:27:31,200
Speaker 6: I'm done making allowances for my sister and making this

660
00:27:31,320 --> 00:27:34,800
Speaker 6: wedding about her just because she's jealous that I'm getting married.

661
00:27:35,400 --> 00:27:37,880
Speaker 6: I left sobbing and called one of my friends who

662
00:27:38,040 --> 00:27:41,600
Speaker 6: is a BM bridesmaid and lived close by to tell

663
00:27:41,640 --> 00:27:43,639
Speaker 6: her what happened and could I drop by, as I

664
00:27:43,680 --> 00:27:45,840
Speaker 6: didn't want to go home in such a state. I

665
00:27:46,000 --> 00:27:48,560
Speaker 6: called my fiance, who was so angry he offered to

666
00:27:48,600 --> 00:27:50,480
Speaker 6: come get me, but I said I was at a

667
00:27:50,520 --> 00:27:52,760
Speaker 6: friend's house having a coffee and then I'll come home

668
00:27:52,800 --> 00:27:56,080
Speaker 6: when I've calmed down. We then conference called with future

669
00:27:56,119 --> 00:27:59,159
Speaker 6: sister in law and my other friend slash bridesmaid, and

670
00:27:59,320 --> 00:28:02,040
Speaker 6: I told them all all what happened, ride some more,

671
00:28:02,080 --> 00:28:04,800
Speaker 6: and then eventually calm down enough to go home. My

672
00:28:04,920 --> 00:28:07,320
Speaker 6: fiance is angry and wants to say something to them,

673
00:28:07,320 --> 00:28:09,680
Speaker 6: which I think would just make things worse. I think

674
00:28:09,760 --> 00:28:10,120
Speaker 6: so too.

675
00:28:10,359 --> 00:28:12,280
Speaker 3: I think if you said something in anger it would

676
00:28:12,320 --> 00:28:14,480
Speaker 3: make things worse. But I don't know.

677
00:28:14,520 --> 00:28:16,240
Speaker 6: I think you just need to start setting up those

678
00:28:16,280 --> 00:28:18,200
Speaker 6: boundaries and if they say, well, we want to do this,

679
00:28:18,400 --> 00:28:21,040
Speaker 6: you say, well, I'm sorry, it's gonna happen like this, and.

680
00:28:21,080 --> 00:28:23,439
Speaker 4: If they don't like it, they don't have to come boom.

681
00:28:24,200 --> 00:28:26,679
Speaker 6: My mom has tried calling me multiple times and then

682
00:28:26,800 --> 00:28:29,960
Speaker 6: texted me to say what I said was horrible and

683
00:28:30,040 --> 00:28:32,560
Speaker 6: that I was an a hole for rubbing my sister's face,

684
00:28:32,640 --> 00:28:35,440
Speaker 6: and the fact that I'm getting married, well, she's still

685
00:28:35,720 --> 00:28:37,680
Speaker 6: thinkle So am I the a hole?

686
00:28:37,960 --> 00:28:40,640
Speaker 3: It sounds like there's a lot of complicated stuff going

687
00:28:40,680 --> 00:28:44,200
Speaker 3: on here. It's like, clearly your sister had a baby

688
00:28:44,800 --> 00:28:48,240
Speaker 3: and she's kind of mad that she didn't have a husband.

689
00:28:48,520 --> 00:28:51,320
Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, I guess.

690
00:28:51,120 --> 00:28:54,360
Speaker 4: I would ask MESSI I would ask has she always

691
00:28:54,440 --> 00:28:54,840
Speaker 4: been like this?

692
00:28:55,320 --> 00:28:58,400
Speaker 6: Is this kind of new behavior? Is her having to

693
00:28:58,520 --> 00:29:01,120
Speaker 6: raise a child as a single mother? They're contributing to

694
00:29:01,160 --> 00:29:06,000
Speaker 6: any of this kind of obsessiveness and controllingness, you know?

695
00:29:07,160 --> 00:29:08,520
Speaker 6: Or has she always been like this?

696
00:29:09,600 --> 00:29:11,760
Speaker 3: And maybe we need distance information?

697
00:29:12,200 --> 00:29:15,720
Speaker 6: Yeah, but folks, we got a little bit left. Honestly,

698
00:29:15,960 --> 00:29:18,360
Speaker 6: so shocked at how many people reached out with help,

699
00:29:18,400 --> 00:29:21,600
Speaker 6: advice and support. I am somewhat of a people pleaser

700
00:29:21,640 --> 00:29:24,320
Speaker 6: and do love my family and don't feel mentally ready

701
00:29:24,400 --> 00:29:26,920
Speaker 6: to go no contact. But I am going to go

702
00:29:27,200 --> 00:29:29,720
Speaker 6: low contact under the assumption that I am busy with

703
00:29:29,880 --> 00:29:33,360
Speaker 6: last minute wedding preparations. My wedding is actually next week.

704
00:29:34,000 --> 00:29:35,800
Speaker 6: I don't want to rock the boat. So my future

705
00:29:35,840 --> 00:29:38,960
Speaker 6: sister in law is stepping up as interference for my

706
00:29:39,080 --> 00:29:42,320
Speaker 6: sister as my sister's speeding. I have also warned my

707
00:29:42,360 --> 00:29:44,880
Speaker 6: photographers to avoid my sister for the candid shots and

708
00:29:45,160 --> 00:29:46,480
Speaker 6: just had the few posed ones.

709
00:29:47,040 --> 00:29:47,720
Speaker 4: I have three other.

710
00:29:47,680 --> 00:29:51,840
Speaker 6: Bridesmaids, including future sister in law. I've said they have

711
00:29:51,960 --> 00:29:55,080
Speaker 6: a surprise plan for me in two days. Oh, these

712
00:29:55,120 --> 00:29:56,560
Speaker 6: are the good ones. These are the good people.

713
00:29:56,640 --> 00:29:57,720
Speaker 3: I thought that could be fun.

714
00:29:58,520 --> 00:30:00,920
Speaker 6: Maybe they're throwing you a bride's a bridal party, or

715
00:30:01,360 --> 00:30:03,040
Speaker 6: a bachelorette that you actually want.

716
00:30:03,520 --> 00:30:06,160
Speaker 3: No crafts involved, or three month old babies.

717
00:30:06,640 --> 00:30:08,680
Speaker 1: Hey, it's Sam, your ogi host here bring you back

718
00:30:08,680 --> 00:30:10,840
Speaker 1: to the stories. But here's three minutes fads from our sponsor.

719
00:30:11,640 --> 00:30:15,080
Speaker 3: My friend's kids are greedy with food and I don't

720
00:30:15,120 --> 00:30:16,240
Speaker 3: want them over again.

721
00:30:17,160 --> 00:30:18,640
Speaker 5: I don't know, maybe you should feed them.

722
00:30:19,120 --> 00:30:23,080
Speaker 3: No, let them fight for it. I twenty eight female,

723
00:30:23,400 --> 00:30:26,000
Speaker 3: have two kids, and for my son's birthday about a

724
00:30:26,080 --> 00:30:28,720
Speaker 3: little over a month ago, we decided to celebrate on

725
00:30:28,760 --> 00:30:31,280
Speaker 3: the weekend by taking a trip to the Big Water

726
00:30:31,400 --> 00:30:34,040
Speaker 3: Park about an hour away. We wanted to keep the

727
00:30:34,080 --> 00:30:36,440
Speaker 3: guest list small since we were already doing something at

728
00:30:36,480 --> 00:30:38,960
Speaker 3: home on his actual birthday. The drive is far and

729
00:30:39,040 --> 00:30:42,000
Speaker 3: admission is pretty pricey. By the way, this comes from

730
00:30:42,080 --> 00:30:44,200
Speaker 3: a user adds similar thirty nine to sixty on the

731
00:30:44,320 --> 00:30:46,560
Speaker 3: Charlotte Doughbray YouTube subredit and if you want to submit

732
00:30:46,640 --> 00:30:48,360
Speaker 3: your own stories, weren't you going down to the Okay

733
00:30:48,400 --> 00:30:51,240
Speaker 3: storytime separated? We should have made them there. So I

734
00:30:51,480 --> 00:30:53,880
Speaker 3: created a Facebook event and I invited a few of

735
00:30:53,920 --> 00:30:57,680
Speaker 3: our closest family and friends, stating that all guests would

736
00:30:57,880 --> 00:31:03,640
Speaker 3: pay for themselves the see free. We'd provide lunch, cupcakes

737
00:31:04,200 --> 00:31:07,360
Speaker 3: and a meeting area with shade and decorations. When I

738
00:31:07,520 --> 00:31:10,040
Speaker 3: was going through my friend's list, I accidentally clicked on

739
00:31:10,200 --> 00:31:13,440
Speaker 3: someone twenty four female, let's call her Sarah, who wasn't

740
00:31:13,520 --> 00:31:16,920
Speaker 3: originally on my guest list. Sarah is someone I'm not

741
00:31:17,120 --> 00:31:19,680
Speaker 3: super close with. I only met her through mutual friends.

742
00:31:20,040 --> 00:31:22,280
Speaker 3: She's never been invited to any of my children's birthday

743
00:31:22,320 --> 00:31:25,200
Speaker 3: parties before. Since we mostly only see each other at

744
00:31:25,200 --> 00:31:27,640
Speaker 3: events through mutual friends a couple times a year, we

745
00:31:27,720 --> 00:31:29,960
Speaker 3: don't hang out on our own terms. And while her

746
00:31:30,080 --> 00:31:32,520
Speaker 3: kids and mine are somewhat the same age as they're

747
00:31:32,560 --> 00:31:36,320
Speaker 3: not close friends by any means. Sarah's kids are rude, entitled,

748
00:31:36,360 --> 00:31:40,280
Speaker 3: and get unlimited unsupervised screen time, and say cusswords, the

749
00:31:40,400 --> 00:31:44,000
Speaker 3: exact opposite of my children. When I created the Facebook event,

750
00:31:44,720 --> 00:31:47,160
Speaker 3: I didn't even realize I'd clicked her name until I

751
00:31:47,240 --> 00:31:49,680
Speaker 3: got the notification that she had marked herself as going.

752
00:31:50,400 --> 00:31:54,840
Speaker 3: I checked the settings and no, it's invite by host only. Crap.

753
00:31:55,200 --> 00:31:57,560
Speaker 3: I'd just seen her at a previous event and figured

754
00:31:57,560 --> 00:32:00,200
Speaker 3: it would be rude to uninvite her now. So that's

755
00:32:00,240 --> 00:32:02,480
Speaker 3: the harm in adding a couple more people, right?

756
00:32:03,440 --> 00:32:03,720
Speaker 6: Wrong.

757
00:32:04,680 --> 00:32:07,520
Speaker 3: Sarah has four kids, all between five months and six

758
00:32:07,640 --> 00:32:11,040
Speaker 3: years old. She's unfortunately raised some red flags within our

759
00:32:11,440 --> 00:32:13,720
Speaker 3: friend group regarding not showing up as a good friend,

760
00:32:14,000 --> 00:32:17,000
Speaker 3: setting bad examples for her kids, and getting too involved

761
00:32:17,120 --> 00:32:21,600
Speaker 3: in others business, borrowing money, and issues surrounding food consumption.

762
00:32:22,320 --> 00:32:26,480
Speaker 3: It's a lot of issues. Sarah's family noticeably eats more

763
00:32:26,600 --> 00:32:30,280
Speaker 3: than any other family at events. At My Best Eat,

764
00:32:30,320 --> 00:32:35,520
Speaker 3: Tatiana's daughter's birthday party, Sarah alone ate five slices of pizza,

765
00:32:35,760 --> 00:32:39,600
Speaker 3: Her fiance four, and her two oldest children each ate three.

766
00:32:40,200 --> 00:32:44,920
Speaker 3: That's sixteen slices for her family alone. When the pizza arrived,

767
00:32:45,040 --> 00:32:47,280
Speaker 3: they were first in line and took the majority before

768
00:32:47,320 --> 00:32:50,320
Speaker 3: others could eat. Tatiana and her husband didn't even get

769
00:32:50,320 --> 00:32:52,800
Speaker 3: a slice because they waited for everyone else, and the

770
00:32:52,840 --> 00:32:57,440
Speaker 3: birthday girl herself only got one slice, so people noticed

771
00:32:57,680 --> 00:33:01,840
Speaker 3: and whispered, but no one said anything. That's the problem.

772
00:33:02,400 --> 00:33:06,600
Speaker 3: Then at Thanksgiving, another friend, Kaylee, invited Taziana for friends Giving.

773
00:33:06,800 --> 00:33:10,760
Speaker 3: During a group FaceTime, Tatiana mentioned going to Kaylee's. Sarah

774
00:33:10,840 --> 00:33:13,240
Speaker 3: mentioned she'd be in town visiting in laws, so Kaylee

775
00:33:13,320 --> 00:33:15,200
Speaker 3: politely said if she had time to stop by for

776
00:33:15,280 --> 00:33:17,960
Speaker 3: a quick visit, she'd love to see her. Sarah apparently

777
00:33:18,040 --> 00:33:21,240
Speaker 3: took this as a dinner invitation. Yep, that's what you did.

778
00:33:21,920 --> 00:33:23,920
Speaker 3: You invited her to dinner. You can't be mad, but

779
00:33:24,000 --> 00:33:25,520
Speaker 3: she's gonna show up after You're like, I'd love it

780
00:33:25,560 --> 00:33:26,360
Speaker 3: if you could stop by.

781
00:33:26,560 --> 00:33:29,120
Speaker 5: We'rey and me having a dinner. You should totally swing through.

782
00:33:30,000 --> 00:33:34,280
Speaker 3: So later, Sarah texted Kaylee saying she was too tired

783
00:33:34,320 --> 00:33:37,080
Speaker 3: to visit, but asking if Kaylee could make her a

784
00:33:37,200 --> 00:33:40,040
Speaker 3: to go plate with leftovers and meet her at the door.

785
00:33:40,640 --> 00:33:43,600
Speaker 3: Kaylee was appalled. She'd never invited Sarah to dinner and

786
00:33:43,800 --> 00:33:46,480
Speaker 3: to ask for leftovers in the same breath as declining

787
00:33:46,520 --> 00:33:51,280
Speaker 3: to visit is unreal. Now back to my son's birthday party.

788
00:33:51,920 --> 00:33:54,240
Speaker 3: The water park at Mission is expensive, with no group

789
00:33:54,360 --> 00:33:57,280
Speaker 3: discounts if your child is above thirty six inches tall day,

790
00:33:57,560 --> 00:34:00,840
Speaker 3: pay full price. Sarah doesn't work and her fiance is

791
00:34:00,920 --> 00:34:03,920
Speaker 3: between jobs. She mentioned to Taziana that she didn't have

792
00:34:03,960 --> 00:34:06,640
Speaker 3: a babysitter for her youngest and was broke asking to

793
00:34:06,680 --> 00:34:08,840
Speaker 3: borrow money for admission. She's food and secure. They're food and.

794
00:34:08,840 --> 00:34:13,680
Speaker 5: Secure, and you clearly know this from what you're typing.

795
00:34:14,200 --> 00:34:16,520
Speaker 3: I mean you should be able to gather that protext.

796
00:34:16,600 --> 00:34:19,720
Speaker 5: Clue a little bit, get internet and get two extra pizzas,

797
00:34:20,040 --> 00:34:22,000
Speaker 5: send them home with pizza leftover pizza. Here you go.

798
00:34:22,080 --> 00:34:22,799
Speaker 5: You wane to dig this home.

799
00:34:23,960 --> 00:34:27,000
Speaker 3: That's a pretty rough situation. Can't really get your own job,

800
00:34:27,120 --> 00:34:30,120
Speaker 3: is Sarah, because you got five kids and then husbands

801
00:34:30,160 --> 00:34:34,040
Speaker 3: in between jobs. That's illegal. Can't do that? Not allowed.

802
00:34:34,719 --> 00:34:39,120
Speaker 3: So Sarah's asking money to borrow for admission. Tatiana, who

803
00:34:39,200 --> 00:34:42,600
Speaker 3: Sarah still owed money to from before, explained she couldn't

804
00:34:42,600 --> 00:34:44,879
Speaker 3: afford to pay for Sarah's family on top of her own.

805
00:34:45,280 --> 00:34:49,399
Speaker 3: Sarah got noticeably irritated and ended the call. Two days

806
00:34:49,400 --> 00:34:52,440
Speaker 3: before the event, I called Sarah to confirm attendance. She

807
00:34:53,080 --> 00:34:55,279
Speaker 3: said she wasn't sure, but would let me know. She

808
00:34:55,400 --> 00:34:57,600
Speaker 3: never did the day of the party, I ordered a

809
00:34:57,600 --> 00:35:01,520
Speaker 3: big costco sandwich platter, chips, can and fruit and veggie platters,

810
00:35:01,680 --> 00:35:06,560
Speaker 3: more than enough for my confirmed guests. Everyone starts arriving

811
00:35:06,760 --> 00:35:09,840
Speaker 3: and walking through the crowd. I see Sarah, her fiance,

812
00:35:10,120 --> 00:35:13,080
Speaker 3: and their four kids. I had no problem with them coming,

813
00:35:13,160 --> 00:35:14,919
Speaker 3: but a head's up would have been great.

814
00:35:15,320 --> 00:35:18,280
Speaker 5: I mean, she did originally invite RCP.

815
00:35:18,520 --> 00:35:20,960
Speaker 3: Yes you do kind of.

816
00:35:21,239 --> 00:35:22,880
Speaker 5: I would have assumed they were coming.

817
00:35:23,520 --> 00:35:26,960
Speaker 3: During the party, their family ate most of the food

818
00:35:27,360 --> 00:35:30,560
Speaker 3: because they don't have any. As I was cleaning up

819
00:35:30,600 --> 00:35:33,879
Speaker 3: before singing Happy Birthdays, Sarah asked if there were more

820
00:35:33,920 --> 00:35:38,000
Speaker 3: sandwiches left. Their family had already eaten. I opened the

821
00:35:38,040 --> 00:35:40,880
Speaker 3: platter and there were only six sandwich halves left. Sarah

822
00:35:40,920 --> 00:35:43,759
Speaker 3: grabbed three halves. Her fiance reached in and took two more,

823
00:35:43,960 --> 00:35:45,080
Speaker 3: leaving only one half.

824
00:35:45,239 --> 00:35:48,000
Speaker 5: Yes, that's five for the five of them and their family.

825
00:35:48,800 --> 00:35:49,680
Speaker 3: It's pretty wild.

826
00:35:50,320 --> 00:35:53,040
Speaker 5: Yes, it does sound like the family lacks a lot

827
00:35:53,120 --> 00:35:57,120
Speaker 5: of like tax Yeah, the tact and how they're going

828
00:35:57,160 --> 00:36:00,080
Speaker 5: about it, Like the birthday person should eat first, they

829
00:36:00,080 --> 00:36:01,560
Speaker 5: should hold back and just take a little bit of

830
00:36:01,640 --> 00:36:04,440
Speaker 5: it at a time. At the same time, no one

831
00:36:04,520 --> 00:36:06,000
Speaker 5: else is in a place where they're showing up to

832
00:36:06,000 --> 00:36:09,279
Speaker 5: a party, hungry and now they're around food that they're

833
00:36:09,280 --> 00:36:12,759
Speaker 5: allowed to grat, like give them way more grace than

834
00:36:12,800 --> 00:36:15,440
Speaker 5: you're giving them. Yeah, but they could have better etiquette

835
00:36:15,440 --> 00:36:16,000
Speaker 5: about how they.

836
00:36:15,920 --> 00:36:18,160
Speaker 3: Go about it. Both sides need to be like, yeah,

837
00:36:18,200 --> 00:36:20,760
Speaker 3: I agree, Gayla says everyone sucks here. I kind of agree.

838
00:36:20,880 --> 00:36:22,520
Speaker 3: Both sides need to be going about the way that

839
00:36:22,560 --> 00:36:24,960
Speaker 3: they communicate better. If your food insecure and your friend

840
00:36:25,000 --> 00:36:27,120
Speaker 3: group doesn't know, you don't need to keep it a secret.

841
00:36:27,600 --> 00:36:30,000
Speaker 3: And if you have someone in your group who's like

842
00:36:30,400 --> 00:36:31,920
Speaker 3: eating all of your food all the time and you're

843
00:36:31,920 --> 00:36:33,440
Speaker 3: like why are they doing this? You need to like

844
00:36:33,719 --> 00:36:35,000
Speaker 3: have a conversation with them about it.

845
00:36:35,080 --> 00:36:36,319
Speaker 5: Are you guys, okay, do you need food?

846
00:36:36,719 --> 00:36:38,480
Speaker 3: Cause it's like I don't know some people who've grown

847
00:36:38,560 --> 00:36:40,319
Speaker 3: up and like never had food in security. It could

848
00:36:40,320 --> 00:36:42,359
Speaker 3: be like, oh, like I almost don't even think about

849
00:36:42,400 --> 00:36:44,960
Speaker 3: that being an option, and it's like you're lucky, Okay.

850
00:36:45,120 --> 00:36:48,000
Speaker 3: When my daughter asked for a sandwich, I gave her

851
00:36:48,120 --> 00:36:51,160
Speaker 3: that last piece. I the one who paid for the platter,

852
00:36:51,360 --> 00:36:53,680
Speaker 3: only got to eat one half because I was busy

853
00:36:53,800 --> 00:36:56,920
Speaker 3: chasing my kids and hosting. Sarah's kids had been asking

854
00:36:57,040 --> 00:37:01,040
Speaker 3: when's the time for cupcakes every few minutes. Despite my explanations.

855
00:37:01,440 --> 00:37:03,279
Speaker 3: Once I set the cupcakes out, before I could even

856
00:37:03,280 --> 00:37:05,799
Speaker 3: grab a lighter for the candles, Sarah's daughter pushed past

857
00:37:05,840 --> 00:37:08,759
Speaker 3: me and stuck her fingers directly into the blue icing

858
00:37:08,840 --> 00:37:11,160
Speaker 3: on the cupcake at the top of the three tier stand,

859
00:37:11,560 --> 00:37:13,640
Speaker 3: the exact one I was going to put my son's

860
00:37:13,719 --> 00:37:16,640
Speaker 3: candle on. I was furious. I told her not to

861
00:37:16,680 --> 00:37:18,960
Speaker 3: stick her fingers in the cupcakes and to sit down

862
00:37:19,000 --> 00:37:20,920
Speaker 3: and wait like everyone else, or she wouldn't get any

863
00:37:21,440 --> 00:37:24,680
Speaker 3: She ran away, crying to find her dad. I didn't care.

864
00:37:25,000 --> 00:37:29,160
Speaker 3: Don't touch my son's cupcakes. They may be like down

865
00:37:29,200 --> 00:37:30,759
Speaker 3: their luck and food and secure, but it sounds like

866
00:37:30,800 --> 00:37:37,280
Speaker 3: they are raising gremlins. Yeah, like cupcakes. Anyway, After we sang,

867
00:37:37,480 --> 00:37:41,359
Speaker 3: I handed out cupcakes to everyone with Sarah's last minute edition.

868
00:37:41,520 --> 00:37:44,160
Speaker 3: There was only enough for everyone to have one cupcake each.

869
00:37:44,480 --> 00:37:47,400
Speaker 3: I announced this from the start. Oh while I was

870
00:37:47,480 --> 00:37:49,960
Speaker 3: helping my daughter in the bathroom, Sarah's kids decided to

871
00:37:50,000 --> 00:37:53,480
Speaker 3: help themselves. The seconds every other child had one cupcake,

872
00:37:53,560 --> 00:37:57,799
Speaker 3: only Sarah's kids each got two. Sarah's family ate most

873
00:37:57,840 --> 00:37:59,719
Speaker 3: of the food and were also the only ones to

874
00:38:00,160 --> 00:38:02,839
Speaker 3: bring a gift not that gifts are required, but I've

875
00:38:02,880 --> 00:38:05,160
Speaker 3: never shown up to a party empty handed, especially when

876
00:38:05,200 --> 00:38:09,560
Speaker 3: I didn't confirm attendance for but they did. Now, my

877
00:38:09,680 --> 00:38:12,480
Speaker 3: daughter's third birthday is coming up next month. I'd never

878
00:38:12,640 --> 00:38:16,000
Speaker 3: invited Sarah to any of my children's parties before, since

879
00:38:16,040 --> 00:38:18,800
Speaker 3: we're not close and our children aren't really friends. I

880
00:38:18,880 --> 00:38:21,200
Speaker 3: want to keep it small with super tight close friends

881
00:38:21,200 --> 00:38:22,960
Speaker 3: and family who are a part of her everyday life.

882
00:38:23,360 --> 00:38:25,600
Speaker 3: I also don't want to invite Sarah because she's not

883
00:38:25,719 --> 00:38:27,799
Speaker 3: a close friend and her family of six eats enough

884
00:38:27,840 --> 00:38:30,839
Speaker 3: food for a family of sixteen as a stretch. I'm

885
00:38:30,880 --> 00:38:33,480
Speaker 3: worried that since she was invited to one party, she

886
00:38:33,600 --> 00:38:36,400
Speaker 3: might expect future invitations and be offended if she doesn't

887
00:38:36,440 --> 00:38:39,319
Speaker 3: get one. Every single other person from my son's party

888
00:38:39,320 --> 00:38:41,440
Speaker 3: will be invited to my daughter's party. I'll only be

889
00:38:41,600 --> 00:38:44,920
Speaker 3: excluding Sarah's family. She loves drama and makes petty comments

890
00:38:44,960 --> 00:38:48,880
Speaker 3: when excluded, and my anxiety combined with my people pleasing tendencies,

891
00:38:48,920 --> 00:38:51,520
Speaker 3: has me overthinking this. So would I be the a

892
00:38:51,680 --> 00:38:54,160
Speaker 3: whole for not inviting someone to my daughter's birthday party

893
00:38:54,160 --> 00:38:56,919
Speaker 3: because they have poorly behaved kids and their family eats

894
00:38:56,960 --> 00:38:58,759
Speaker 3: too much? At the end of the day, even if

895
00:38:58,800 --> 00:39:00,680
Speaker 3: I am the a whole, I really don't want to

896
00:39:00,719 --> 00:39:02,759
Speaker 3: invite people to my child's birthday party who don't have

897
00:39:02,880 --> 00:39:06,400
Speaker 3: a meaningful connection with her. And we have some comments.

898
00:39:07,120 --> 00:39:09,440
Speaker 3: Everyone sucks here, dude. Everyone needs to learn how to

899
00:39:09,520 --> 00:39:11,680
Speaker 3: talk and be real with each other, all right, because

900
00:39:11,800 --> 00:39:14,000
Speaker 3: y'all kind of suck for not just being like, hey,

901
00:39:14,840 --> 00:39:17,600
Speaker 3: not cool how your kids are acting and not cool?

902
00:39:17,840 --> 00:39:20,000
Speaker 3: Like are you guys? Why are you guys doing this?

903
00:39:20,040 --> 00:39:23,279
Speaker 3: You're okay? Do you need food? You want to go?

904
00:39:23,480 --> 00:39:25,640
Speaker 3: Let's go to the food pantry. It's go do something.

905
00:39:25,960 --> 00:39:28,000
Speaker 3: There's got to be local resources somewhere for people who

906
00:39:28,040 --> 00:39:30,800
Speaker 3: have food and security. Comment to number one, you're the

907
00:39:30,880 --> 00:39:33,439
Speaker 3: a hole for allowing yourself to be treated that way,

908
00:39:33,920 --> 00:39:36,200
Speaker 3: not the a hole for not inviting rude, entitled people

909
00:39:36,239 --> 00:39:39,680
Speaker 3: to your events. Got them, got us in the first half.

910
00:39:40,360 --> 00:39:40,600
Speaker 5: Woo.

911
00:39:41,640 --> 00:39:44,560
Speaker 3: You aren't supposed to or expected to do that to

912
00:39:44,640 --> 00:39:48,160
Speaker 3: yourself or your other guests. A reply says, I'm betting

913
00:39:48,200 --> 00:39:50,400
Speaker 3: it won't work to just not invite her. Since she

914
00:39:50,480 --> 00:39:52,840
Speaker 3: got invited before, she may find a way to insert

915
00:39:52,880 --> 00:39:55,000
Speaker 3: herself into the party. I think you should call her

916
00:39:55,080 --> 00:39:56,960
Speaker 3: and tell her exactly why she isn't invited to your

917
00:39:56,960 --> 00:39:58,960
Speaker 3: house for the party and will not be invited in

918
00:39:59,000 --> 00:40:02,600
Speaker 3: the future to any event you have. No bullies need

919
00:40:02,680 --> 00:40:05,799
Speaker 3: to be put in their place. Every situation needs a hero,

920
00:40:06,000 --> 00:40:08,680
Speaker 3: and you should be the hero here. Allowing her and

921
00:40:08,719 --> 00:40:11,120
Speaker 3: her family to join in caused your child to be

922
00:40:11,200 --> 00:40:14,120
Speaker 3: deprived of fully enjoying the party. It would even be

923
00:40:14,239 --> 00:40:16,920
Speaker 3: better if the other moms joined you in a conference call,

924
00:40:17,000 --> 00:40:19,840
Speaker 3: since they've been bullied as well. No, you, psycho, what

925
00:40:19,960 --> 00:40:20,880
Speaker 3: are we talking about?

926
00:40:21,080 --> 00:40:21,400
Speaker 5: Also?

927
00:40:22,200 --> 00:40:23,920
Speaker 4: Was your three year old's party ruined?

928
00:40:23,920 --> 00:40:24,840
Speaker 5: Does your three year old.

929
00:40:24,760 --> 00:40:26,120
Speaker 4: Remember the birthday party?

930
00:40:26,600 --> 00:40:29,800
Speaker 3: Guys, we don't need to like all gang up on

931
00:40:29,960 --> 00:40:33,480
Speaker 3: them and be like you you are excluding in your

932
00:40:33,920 --> 00:40:38,080
Speaker 3: bed because you keep taking all the food. You're crazy

933
00:40:38,160 --> 00:40:42,480
Speaker 3: for that commenter. These people probably need this food because

934
00:40:42,480 --> 00:40:45,440
Speaker 3: they don't have any money. They might not have any food.

935
00:40:46,239 --> 00:40:48,919
Speaker 3: But they're wrong for not saying it, and you're wrong

936
00:40:49,000 --> 00:40:52,000
Speaker 3: for not being like, what what is going on here?

937
00:40:52,840 --> 00:40:55,400
Speaker 3: They are bullies and you all need to stand up

938
00:40:55,440 --> 00:40:57,120
Speaker 3: to them and let them know they are not welcome,

939
00:40:57,600 --> 00:40:59,719
Speaker 3: and if they show up after that, politely but firmly

940
00:40:59,760 --> 00:41:02,480
Speaker 3: lets them know they must leave. Comment two says Oh

941
00:41:02,760 --> 00:41:05,120
Speaker 3: you need to grow a dang backbone. No way am

942
00:41:05,160 --> 00:41:07,319
Speaker 3: I letting someone just come in and eat everything without

943
00:41:07,360 --> 00:41:10,479
Speaker 3: calling them out. I'm an a hole like that comment

944
00:41:10,520 --> 00:41:12,560
Speaker 3: three says, not the a hole. No need to lie either.

945
00:41:12,719 --> 00:41:14,839
Speaker 3: If asked, you say your family shoves food down their

946
00:41:14,880 --> 00:41:17,040
Speaker 3: throats like a bunch offensive linemen. And I can't afford that.

947
00:41:17,880 --> 00:41:20,120
Speaker 3: That is, I guarantee you something this person would never

948
00:41:20,160 --> 00:41:22,560
Speaker 3: say in their life. That's an absurd thing to say.

949
00:41:22,880 --> 00:41:23,400
Speaker 5: Sandwich.

950
00:41:23,800 --> 00:41:28,480
Speaker 3: This is not the caviat and gold leaf like Hamburger.

951
00:41:28,480 --> 00:41:32,760
Speaker 5: Whatever individual restaurant meals. We got a flatter of subs,

952
00:41:33,160 --> 00:41:35,040
Speaker 5: come on, clatter of hogies, if you will.

953
00:41:35,640 --> 00:41:37,560
Speaker 3: Then that's actually that's the end of that story. Oh damn,

954
00:41:38,360 --> 00:41:41,280
Speaker 3: that's again a crazy comment. I haven't been Food and Secure,

955
00:41:41,320 --> 00:41:42,920
Speaker 3: but I know people who have been, and it's like

956
00:41:43,280 --> 00:41:46,080
Speaker 3: a horrible place to be and it's crazy, you know,

957
00:41:46,160 --> 00:41:49,360
Speaker 3: it's again. I guess if you've never been there sometime,

958
00:41:49,440 --> 00:41:51,040
Speaker 3: or you don't know anyone who's been there, it could

959
00:41:51,080 --> 00:41:53,840
Speaker 3: be something you completely overlook as a possibility. But like,

960
00:41:53,960 --> 00:41:56,279
Speaker 3: that's so clearly what's going on here.

961
00:41:56,800 --> 00:41:58,120
Speaker 5: It feels very clear.

962
00:41:59,160 --> 00:42:02,800
Speaker 3: If it's not, then they are just like goblin people,

963
00:42:02,960 --> 00:42:06,360
Speaker 3: but like that's what's happening. I still bet everything.

964
00:42:06,520 --> 00:42:09,799
Speaker 5: Everyone sucks a little bit there, but like help each

965
00:42:09,840 --> 00:42:10,160
Speaker 5: other out.

966
00:42:10,280 --> 00:42:11,799
Speaker 3: I don't even know if sucks is the right word.

967
00:42:11,800 --> 00:42:15,000
Speaker 3: It's just like those situation sucks. Everyone needs to do

968
00:42:15,160 --> 00:42:16,520
Speaker 3: better at communicating.

969
00:42:17,160 --> 00:42:20,240
Speaker 5: My brother pulls scams for a living and our parents

970
00:42:20,320 --> 00:42:21,040
Speaker 5: support him.

971
00:42:21,719 --> 00:42:22,319
Speaker 3: That's bad.

972
00:42:23,440 --> 00:42:27,040
Speaker 5: I twenty six female, have two brothers, Bobby twenty eight

973
00:42:27,160 --> 00:42:31,479
Speaker 5: male and Carl, twenty four male. My dad, sixty five male,

974
00:42:31,680 --> 00:42:35,839
Speaker 5: has his own company where Bobby is employed. Bobby still

975
00:42:35,920 --> 00:42:39,600
Speaker 5: lives with my parents with his wife. They've been married

976
00:42:39,640 --> 00:42:43,600
Speaker 5: since twenty twenty one. I've been living in X country

977
00:42:43,760 --> 00:42:46,680
Speaker 5: since finishing high school. I got my degree there, and

978
00:42:46,719 --> 00:42:50,240
Speaker 5: I'm currently working in the same country. Carl is working

979
00:42:50,400 --> 00:42:54,600
Speaker 5: in a multinational company in our home country directly after

980
00:42:54,719 --> 00:42:58,920
Speaker 5: graduating college. He's been living in another city since his employment.

981
00:42:59,400 --> 00:43:02,840
Speaker 5: By the way, comes from Throwaway seven h nine and

982
00:43:02,920 --> 00:43:04,560
Speaker 5: if you want to see your own stories, go to

983
00:43:04,600 --> 00:43:07,880
Speaker 5: the r slash Okay storytime subreddit. Our family has been

984
00:43:07,960 --> 00:43:12,480
Speaker 5: dealing with a problem regarding Bobby since early twenty twenty two.

985
00:43:13,719 --> 00:43:17,080
Speaker 5: Bobby works in a certain company. His task is to

986
00:43:17,200 --> 00:43:20,920
Speaker 5: look for people to invest their money for certain projects. Okay,

987
00:43:21,520 --> 00:43:25,880
Speaker 5: the company promised profit returns after six months. The problem

988
00:43:26,080 --> 00:43:29,759
Speaker 5: is none of the investors have received their initial investment

989
00:43:30,080 --> 00:43:33,239
Speaker 5: and the promised profit up until this point July twenty

990
00:43:33,320 --> 00:43:37,240
Speaker 5: twenty three. According to the info I got from my parents,

991
00:43:37,480 --> 00:43:40,160
Speaker 5: the amount of investments may have reached one hundred and

992
00:43:40,239 --> 00:43:44,400
Speaker 5: fifty thousand dollars. That's a lot of money for our country.

993
00:43:44,520 --> 00:43:46,760
Speaker 3: That's just a lot of money even in this country.

994
00:43:48,320 --> 00:43:51,160
Speaker 5: Well what, I don't know whether the money was really

995
00:43:51,280 --> 00:43:54,680
Speaker 5: used for the projects, but those projects weren't gaining profits

996
00:43:54,760 --> 00:43:58,480
Speaker 5: as planned, or the company simply scammed people. I'm going

997
00:43:58,560 --> 00:44:03,080
Speaker 5: with scammed people because Bobby's the one who looked for investors.

998
00:44:03,400 --> 00:44:06,320
Speaker 5: Those who invest are, of course, mostly people he knows.

999
00:44:06,640 --> 00:44:07,200
Speaker 4: Oh wow.

1000
00:44:07,360 --> 00:44:11,960
Speaker 5: His relationships with friends and acquaintances are ruined. Bobby's constantly

1001
00:44:12,040 --> 00:44:15,759
Speaker 5: bombarded with text from people asking about their money. Some

1002
00:44:15,960 --> 00:44:19,600
Speaker 5: people came to our house looking for Bobby. He is

1003
00:44:19,760 --> 00:44:23,160
Speaker 5: often not at home to greet these investors, so my

1004
00:44:23,360 --> 00:44:25,200
Speaker 5: dad has to be the one to deal with them.

1005
00:44:25,800 --> 00:44:28,960
Speaker 5: Some even demanded my dad to pay back their money.

1006
00:44:29,200 --> 00:44:33,040
Speaker 5: Oh my god. I also invested about five thousand dollars

1007
00:44:33,280 --> 00:44:36,640
Speaker 5: in that company. It was a huge amount for me

1008
00:44:36,800 --> 00:44:40,160
Speaker 5: because I have only just started working and saving money. Yes,

1009
00:44:40,320 --> 00:44:43,480
Speaker 5: I was naive and shortsighted, and I trusted Bobby at

1010
00:44:43,480 --> 00:44:47,160
Speaker 5: that time. I was promised the investment by February twenty

1011
00:44:47,239 --> 00:44:50,640
Speaker 5: twenty three, but I haven't received my money until now.

1012
00:44:51,560 --> 00:44:53,879
Speaker 5: I don't think I will be getting my investment money back.

1013
00:44:54,239 --> 00:44:57,200
Speaker 5: I take this as a huge learning opportunity with quite

1014
00:44:57,239 --> 00:45:00,480
Speaker 5: a price. Bobby chose to continue work looking for that

1015
00:45:00,600 --> 00:45:04,399
Speaker 5: company even though there's no hope in that company. Dad

1016
00:45:04,480 --> 00:45:07,120
Speaker 5: said they couldn't even pay their monthly office space rent

1017
00:45:07,239 --> 00:45:10,840
Speaker 5: since about June twenty twenty two, which means the company

1018
00:45:11,080 --> 00:45:14,800
Speaker 5: isn't getting any profit. Why does Dad know this? The

1019
00:45:14,960 --> 00:45:18,160
Speaker 5: debt collector went to our house and demanded the rent

1020
00:45:18,239 --> 00:45:21,600
Speaker 5: be paid. Bobby said he likes being in that company

1021
00:45:21,719 --> 00:45:25,120
Speaker 5: because the employees are young and he gets along with them.

1022
00:45:25,800 --> 00:45:28,120
Speaker 5: He doesn't seem to care or feel guilty that he's

1023
00:45:28,160 --> 00:45:31,759
Speaker 5: made people lose their money. He often got angry at

1024
00:45:31,760 --> 00:45:35,480
Speaker 5: the investors because they kept on asking him about their investment.

1025
00:45:35,600 --> 00:45:39,160
Speaker 5: The crazy thing is Bobby isn't paid by that company.

1026
00:45:39,560 --> 00:45:43,840
Speaker 5: He isn't even an employee. He's basically just a lackey.

1027
00:45:44,800 --> 00:45:47,680
Speaker 5: Bobby is very loyal to that company and would drive

1028
00:45:47,960 --> 00:45:51,960
Speaker 5: every week to another city to do things for that company.

1029
00:45:52,880 --> 00:45:57,160
Speaker 5: He's usually gone for two to three days. Nowadays it's

1030
00:45:57,239 --> 00:46:01,920
Speaker 5: more like five to six days, using his actually my

1031
00:46:02,080 --> 00:46:06,200
Speaker 5: Dad's car and his own money from my dad to

1032
00:46:06,320 --> 00:46:10,600
Speaker 5: do business errands for that company. Bobby has never provided

1033
00:46:10,640 --> 00:46:14,200
Speaker 5: for himself. He has never really earned money in his life,

1034
00:46:14,600 --> 00:46:18,080
Speaker 5: maybe a little on paper. He's still working for my dad.

1035
00:46:18,600 --> 00:46:22,240
Speaker 5: Dad still pays his salary, which is higher than normal

1036
00:46:22,280 --> 00:46:25,759
Speaker 5: wages for his monthly even though he didn't do any

1037
00:46:25,880 --> 00:46:28,440
Speaker 5: work for him due to him being so invested in

1038
00:46:28,600 --> 00:46:32,600
Speaker 5: that scamming company. Dad said, Bobby doesn't want to apply

1039
00:46:32,800 --> 00:46:35,960
Speaker 5: for work. He only works for people who offer him

1040
00:46:36,000 --> 00:46:39,239
Speaker 5: a job, who will of course exploit him because he's

1041
00:46:39,320 --> 00:46:42,440
Speaker 5: desperate and stupid enough to take that job. I think

1042
00:46:42,520 --> 00:46:46,160
Speaker 5: Bobby just doesn't have any confidence in him. Bobby also

1043
00:46:46,360 --> 00:46:50,680
Speaker 5: had a history of working for an MLM. I used

1044
00:46:50,680 --> 00:46:54,560
Speaker 5: to send money to my family, including Bobby, monthly. I

1045
00:46:54,600 --> 00:46:57,000
Speaker 5: would transfer the money to his account and he would

1046
00:46:57,080 --> 00:47:00,719
Speaker 5: distribute it to my parents and Carl. Back then, when

1047
00:47:00,719 --> 00:47:03,759
Speaker 5: I first started sending money home, I gave him instructions

1048
00:47:03,840 --> 00:47:07,000
Speaker 5: on how to divide the money. Basically, everyone got a

1049
00:47:07,120 --> 00:47:09,920
Speaker 5: fifth and the last fifth was used for house supplies

1050
00:47:09,960 --> 00:47:13,400
Speaker 5: and groceries. During my last holiday at home, I asked

1051
00:47:13,480 --> 00:47:16,400
Speaker 5: Mom how much money Bobby gave her that month, and

1052
00:47:16,520 --> 00:47:19,799
Speaker 5: it was less than a fifth. Moreover, Mom also told

1053
00:47:19,880 --> 00:47:22,560
Speaker 5: me that his wife doesn't know that he gets money

1054
00:47:22,600 --> 00:47:25,680
Speaker 5: from me every month. Dad also said that his wife

1055
00:47:26,200 --> 00:47:29,239
Speaker 5: may not know that Bobby got bonus money from my dad,

1056
00:47:29,880 --> 00:47:32,919
Speaker 5: even though he doesn't do any work for Dad, which

1057
00:47:33,000 --> 00:47:36,439
Speaker 5: means Bobby can't be trusted about money anymore. I don't

1058
00:47:36,480 --> 00:47:39,520
Speaker 5: think Bobby could have ever been trusted about money from

1059
00:47:39,600 --> 00:47:40,200
Speaker 5: the sounds of it.

1060
00:47:40,400 --> 00:47:42,280
Speaker 3: I don't think anyone in your family can be trusted

1061
00:47:42,280 --> 00:47:44,279
Speaker 3: about money right now? What's going on? Including you? Why

1062
00:47:44,320 --> 00:47:46,400
Speaker 3: are you still paying your brot? Yeah, what's going on?

1063
00:47:46,760 --> 00:47:48,960
Speaker 5: What are we doing? We said? The title of this

1064
00:47:49,120 --> 00:47:52,680
Speaker 5: was that your parents still support Bobby. You still support Bobby?

1065
00:47:52,760 --> 00:47:54,000
Speaker 3: You just said you're still paying it.

1066
00:47:54,560 --> 00:47:57,600
Speaker 5: After the conversations with my parents, I stopped sending Bobby

1067
00:47:57,680 --> 00:48:01,640
Speaker 5: money and transferred any money home to Dad's account. Another

1068
00:48:01,719 --> 00:48:05,440
Speaker 5: thing about money, Bobby has borrowed money from Kral and

1069
00:48:05,680 --> 00:48:09,359
Speaker 5: probably from other people as well, which he hasn't returned yet.

1070
00:48:10,000 --> 00:48:13,240
Speaker 5: The more annoying side of this problem is Bobby starts

1071
00:48:13,280 --> 00:48:16,719
Speaker 5: to act more and more like a man child. He's

1072
00:48:16,840 --> 00:48:20,240
Speaker 5: often irritated and angry at Dad, Mom, and his wife.

1073
00:48:20,920 --> 00:48:24,280
Speaker 5: He ruined my last holiday at home with his tantrums.

1074
00:48:24,760 --> 00:48:26,480
Speaker 5: It got to a point where I don't want to

1075
00:48:26,520 --> 00:48:29,400
Speaker 5: spend my precious holiday time with him in the future.

1076
00:48:30,120 --> 00:48:33,920
Speaker 5: Bobby also has made Mom cry multiple times through his

1077
00:48:34,080 --> 00:48:37,600
Speaker 5: actions and words. Bobby is one of the major reasons

1078
00:48:37,640 --> 00:48:40,399
Speaker 5: why Dad is constantly stressed, to the point of him

1079
00:48:40,480 --> 00:48:44,880
Speaker 5: having digestion problems. Dad still has to keep on working,

1080
00:48:45,160 --> 00:48:48,520
Speaker 5: even at sixty five, to provide everything, even though he's

1081
00:48:48,520 --> 00:48:51,399
Speaker 5: supposed to enjoy his life at that age. I think

1082
00:48:51,480 --> 00:48:54,840
Speaker 5: Bobby doesn't have any friends anymore because of his scamming company.

1083
00:48:55,560 --> 00:48:57,279
Speaker 5: He used to have a lot of friends and hang

1084
00:48:57,320 --> 00:49:00,440
Speaker 5: out with them often. No one's on his sne now

1085
00:49:00,680 --> 00:49:04,520
Speaker 5: besides the scamming company and maybe his wife. I think

1086
00:49:04,600 --> 00:49:07,319
Speaker 5: even his wife is now starting to get sick of him.

1087
00:49:08,000 --> 00:49:10,799
Speaker 5: My parents are worried about Bobby's relationship with his wife.

1088
00:49:11,440 --> 00:49:14,000
Speaker 5: I do sense the divorce coming if Bobby doesn't get

1089
00:49:14,040 --> 00:49:16,680
Speaker 5: his act together. I mean, I wouldn't be able to

1090
00:49:16,719 --> 00:49:18,440
Speaker 5: put up with what his wife has to go through.

1091
00:49:18,920 --> 00:49:21,480
Speaker 5: Bobby and his wife had only been dating for about

1092
00:49:21,520 --> 00:49:24,879
Speaker 5: two months before they decided to get married. I think

1093
00:49:24,960 --> 00:49:29,280
Speaker 5: Bobby hasn't provided anything or very little financially to his marriage.

1094
00:49:29,760 --> 00:49:32,560
Speaker 5: His wife works at her mother's company, so she is

1095
00:49:32,680 --> 00:49:36,480
Speaker 5: not financially dependent on him. Bobby is charismatic and has

1096
00:49:36,560 --> 00:49:39,279
Speaker 5: a way with words. I think that's why his in

1097
00:49:39,440 --> 00:49:41,920
Speaker 5: laws were convinced to marry their daughter off to him.

1098
00:49:42,520 --> 00:49:47,120
Speaker 3: Oh, oh, that might be arranged and arranged and marriage.

1099
00:49:47,480 --> 00:49:50,279
Speaker 5: I asked his mother in law jokingly why she let

1100
00:49:50,320 --> 00:49:52,759
Speaker 5: them get married after such a short period of dating.

1101
00:49:53,320 --> 00:49:56,960
Speaker 5: She said, he is mature. He does give off that vibe.

1102
00:49:57,400 --> 00:50:01,359
Speaker 5: Bobby's in laws are now utterly disappointed in him, I mean,

1103
00:50:01,600 --> 00:50:05,280
Speaker 5: like rightfully so. During a video call with my parents yesterday,

1104
00:50:05,400 --> 00:50:08,160
Speaker 5: they told me that Dad and Bobby have made an agreement.

1105
00:50:08,719 --> 00:50:11,360
Speaker 5: By the end of twenty twenty three, Bobby needs to

1106
00:50:11,400 --> 00:50:14,759
Speaker 5: make a choice stay in the shady company and not

1107
00:50:14,920 --> 00:50:18,560
Speaker 5: get paid by Dad anymore. Uh, work with my dad

1108
00:50:18,760 --> 00:50:21,920
Speaker 5: with a higher salary. Yeah, I know. Dad still desperately

1109
00:50:21,960 --> 00:50:25,759
Speaker 5: wants Bobby to work within his company, work somewhere else.

1110
00:50:25,880 --> 00:50:29,239
Speaker 5: If Bobby decides to work for Dad's company, Dad will

1111
00:50:29,320 --> 00:50:31,560
Speaker 5: somehow find a way to help him with the lost

1112
00:50:31,680 --> 00:50:35,680
Speaker 5: investment money, which means Dad will pay back the victim's money,

1113
00:50:36,520 --> 00:50:39,440
Speaker 5: not all of them, only those that Dad knows personally.

1114
00:50:39,680 --> 00:50:42,240
Speaker 5: But still I find this to be the most baffling

1115
00:50:42,320 --> 00:50:45,880
Speaker 5: thing Dad has ever said regarding this whole thing. How

1116
00:50:46,040 --> 00:50:48,360
Speaker 5: is Bobby supposed to learn from his mistakes and go

1117
00:50:48,520 --> 00:50:51,919
Speaker 5: through the consequences if Dad bails him out all the time.

1118
00:50:52,400 --> 00:50:55,319
Speaker 5: Another big what the F moment? Dad plans to build

1119
00:50:55,400 --> 00:50:58,040
Speaker 5: Bobby a house so he can live there with his wife.

1120
00:50:58,800 --> 00:51:01,200
Speaker 5: The problem is Bobby clearly doesn't want to work for

1121
00:51:01,320 --> 00:51:04,000
Speaker 5: my dad. He told my mom that he's jealous of

1122
00:51:04,080 --> 00:51:07,640
Speaker 5: me and Carl because we can do whatever we want. Well,

1123
00:51:07,719 --> 00:51:11,800
Speaker 5: we don't. We obeyed Dad to a certain degree, but

1124
00:51:11,920 --> 00:51:14,400
Speaker 5: then tried to make something good out of the situation.

1125
00:51:15,239 --> 00:51:17,719
Speaker 5: Bobby just wallows up in his hole woe is me

1126
00:51:17,800 --> 00:51:21,680
Speaker 5: attitude and blames Dad for all his traumas. I told

1127
00:51:21,760 --> 00:51:24,800
Speaker 5: Dad to stop giving Bobby any money anymore so Bobby

1128
00:51:24,880 --> 00:51:28,400
Speaker 5: can learn some consequences and snap out of it. But

1129
00:51:28,560 --> 00:51:31,560
Speaker 5: Dad said, you shouldn't be cruel to family. He doesn't

1130
00:51:31,600 --> 00:51:32,120
Speaker 5: have the heart.

1131
00:51:32,440 --> 00:51:35,719
Speaker 3: You're being cruel to him by like keeping him in

1132
00:51:35,800 --> 00:51:38,360
Speaker 3: a perpetual state of helplessness.

1133
00:51:39,080 --> 00:51:41,080
Speaker 5: He doesn't have the heart to just cut his financial

1134
00:51:41,120 --> 00:51:44,000
Speaker 5: support for Bobby, and also said I can't do this

1135
00:51:44,160 --> 00:51:48,080
Speaker 5: to my own child. I am torn between feeling frustrated, angry,

1136
00:51:48,239 --> 00:51:53,080
Speaker 5: and sad. Frustrated with Dad for enabling Bobby, Angry towards

1137
00:51:53,120 --> 00:51:55,800
Speaker 5: Bobby for treating my parents and his wife like crap

1138
00:51:55,920 --> 00:51:58,439
Speaker 5: and taking advantage of them because he knows they won't

1139
00:51:58,520 --> 00:52:02,279
Speaker 5: leave him. Instead that I'm kind of losing my older brother,

1140
00:52:03,280 --> 00:52:06,680
Speaker 5: that he's no longer his old self. Bobby's actually a

1141
00:52:06,800 --> 00:52:10,840
Speaker 5: nice and dependable person. I think he's lost, depressed and

1142
00:52:10,920 --> 00:52:14,120
Speaker 5: ashamed of himself, but doesn't know what to do. I

1143
00:52:14,280 --> 00:52:17,560
Speaker 5: used to call Bobby often. After the investment thing, he

1144
00:52:17,680 --> 00:52:20,919
Speaker 5: stopped contacting me. I think out of fear of being

1145
00:52:21,040 --> 00:52:24,200
Speaker 5: asked about my money. Right now, I honestly don't have

1146
00:52:24,400 --> 00:52:27,719
Speaker 5: the mental and emotional capacity to keep any contact with him.

1147
00:52:28,280 --> 00:52:30,600
Speaker 5: I also grew to loathe the video calls with my

1148
00:52:30,719 --> 00:52:34,440
Speaker 5: parents because I know they will speak vent about Bobby

1149
00:52:34,680 --> 00:52:36,840
Speaker 5: and I will be left angry and frustrated for the

1150
00:52:36,920 --> 00:52:40,560
Speaker 5: next days or even weeks. I am angrier that they

1151
00:52:40,680 --> 00:52:44,000
Speaker 5: can't see the problem with them enabling Bobby's behavior. I

1152
00:52:44,160 --> 00:52:46,160
Speaker 5: really don't know what to do at this point. I

1153
00:52:46,280 --> 00:52:49,600
Speaker 5: feel bad for everyone involved to varying degrees, but don't

1154
00:52:49,600 --> 00:52:53,080
Speaker 5: see any way out without Bobby changing himself. And I

1155
00:52:53,160 --> 00:52:56,360
Speaker 5: think every sensible person knows that we can't change a

1156
00:52:56,400 --> 00:53:00,200
Speaker 5: person unless that person wants to. I only have three

1157
00:53:00,360 --> 00:53:03,200
Speaker 5: questions for my fellow redditors. Maybe someone could give me

1158
00:53:03,320 --> 00:53:06,279
Speaker 5: different perspectives on this whole mess. I plan to do

1159
00:53:06,320 --> 00:53:09,240
Speaker 5: an honest talk with Bobby. Will that make a difference

1160
00:53:09,280 --> 00:53:12,480
Speaker 5: for the better or should I just remain silent? Is

1161
00:53:12,560 --> 00:53:15,319
Speaker 5: there a way I can make my parents, especially my dad,

1162
00:53:15,840 --> 00:53:19,400
Speaker 5: realize that their behavior is contributing to Bobby's reluctance to change.

1163
00:53:19,960 --> 00:53:22,120
Speaker 5: What can Bobby do to improve his situation?

1164
00:53:22,680 --> 00:53:23,600
Speaker 2: That's the end of that.

1165
00:53:24,440 --> 00:53:28,600
Speaker 3: Take responsibility and have personal accountability. And like cold water,

1166
00:53:28,760 --> 00:53:30,960
Speaker 3: this is a cold water moment. You can't continue to

1167
00:53:31,040 --> 00:53:33,040
Speaker 3: do the same thing, which is like it's okay, Bobby,

1168
00:53:33,160 --> 00:53:34,360
Speaker 3: like we'll figure it out, and he needs to be

1169
00:53:34,440 --> 00:53:36,520
Speaker 3: like you really messed up, Bobby, And now it's like

1170
00:53:36,560 --> 00:53:38,279
Speaker 3: a make or break moment where you need to fix

1171
00:53:38,360 --> 00:53:40,600
Speaker 3: it to bootstrap up.

1172
00:53:41,080 --> 00:53:43,480
Speaker 5: The issue is is a cowboy time on that Opie

1173
00:53:43,600 --> 00:53:46,399
Speaker 5: stopped sending the money. It's like, fully their dad now.

1174
00:53:47,080 --> 00:53:48,600
Speaker 3: Yeah, And if that's gonna be the case, then I

1175
00:53:48,640 --> 00:53:50,120
Speaker 3: don't know, there's not anything you can do about it.

1176
00:53:51,480 --> 00:53:53,520
Speaker 3: He's still his own person, he's in adult He's gonna

1177
00:53:53,520 --> 00:53:55,960
Speaker 3: be able to make his own decisions and take his

1178
00:53:56,000 --> 00:53:59,200
Speaker 3: own actions. And if he decides to not change and

1179
00:53:59,360 --> 00:54:02,800
Speaker 3: not take any action, then there's not much else you

1180
00:54:02,880 --> 00:54:05,880
Speaker 3: can do about it. Yeah, other than removing yourself from

1181
00:54:05,960 --> 00:54:06,440
Speaker 3: the equation.

1182
00:54:07,040 --> 00:54:08,840
Speaker 5: I feel like it's kind of just like you're stuck

1183
00:54:08,960 --> 00:54:12,440
Speaker 5: until someone else like snaps onto your side, and then

1184
00:54:12,440 --> 00:54:15,759
Speaker 5: you guys have like man power. Yeah, go for his wife.

1185
00:54:15,840 --> 00:54:18,160
Speaker 5: Get his wife. When you suck, get him get his wife.

1186
00:54:19,440 --> 00:54:21,560
Speaker 1: Hey, this is Sam, this is John, and we are

1187
00:54:21,680 --> 00:54:24,879
Speaker 1: the founding hosts of Okay Storytime Podcast.

1188
00:54:24,560 --> 00:54:27,239
Speaker 3: And we have some foundational stories coming up for you.

1189
00:54:27,440 --> 00:54:30,200
Speaker 1: But the thing is, this foundation needs a little support

1190
00:54:30,360 --> 00:54:33,520
Speaker 1: from these sponsors. So stick around two minutes and we'll

1191
00:54:33,520 --> 00:54:34,440
Speaker 1: get into the episode.

1192
00:54:35,280 --> 00:54:40,799
Speaker 2: My cousin stole from my father right after he passed away, scandalous.

1193
00:54:41,120 --> 00:54:43,880
Speaker 4: I have no words to describe how furious I am

1194
00:54:44,000 --> 00:54:44,319
Speaker 4: right now.

1195
00:54:44,600 --> 00:54:47,920
Speaker 2: My dad passed away from pancreatic camps three days ago.

1196
00:54:48,080 --> 00:54:51,120
Speaker 2: He was diagnosed two weeks ago, spent all of the

1197
00:54:51,239 --> 00:54:53,600
Speaker 2: first week and a half in the hospital until the

1198
00:54:53,760 --> 00:54:55,800
Speaker 2: doctors told us to take him home. He spent the

1199
00:54:55,880 --> 00:54:58,520
Speaker 2: last part of his life in hospice Kara, unable to talk,

1200
00:54:58,680 --> 00:55:01,120
Speaker 2: in horrible pain. I was the only one with him

1201
00:55:01,280 --> 00:55:03,759
Speaker 2: when he passed, and it wasn't easy. Having to hold

1202
00:55:03,800 --> 00:55:05,920
Speaker 2: his hand and soothe him in his final moments was

1203
00:55:05,960 --> 00:55:07,080
Speaker 2: the hardest thing I've ever.

1204
00:55:07,000 --> 00:55:07,360
Speaker 4: Had to do.

1205
00:55:07,560 --> 00:55:10,200
Speaker 2: By the way, this comes from oxy family issues, and

1206
00:55:10,239 --> 00:55:11,840
Speaker 2: if you want to submit your own stories, go to

1207
00:55:11,880 --> 00:55:14,040
Speaker 2: the r slash Okay story time sep reread it. We're

1208
00:55:14,040 --> 00:55:16,560
Speaker 2: a big Hispanic family, so we had lots of family

1209
00:55:16,640 --> 00:55:17,920
Speaker 2: coming in and out for the last week.

1210
00:55:18,000 --> 00:55:20,160
Speaker 4: Several stopped by the day that he passed.

1211
00:55:19,840 --> 00:55:23,320
Speaker 2: Away, one of which included my constantly in trouble cousin.

1212
00:55:23,480 --> 00:55:26,160
Speaker 2: Long story short, I caught him looting and ransacking the

1213
00:55:26,239 --> 00:55:29,719
Speaker 2: bathroom and the room my father passed in looking for

1214
00:55:29,800 --> 00:55:33,319
Speaker 2: the oxy cotton my dad was prescribed for his palliative hair.

1215
00:55:33,560 --> 00:55:37,400
Speaker 2: Keep in mind, he was prescribed a substantial amount and

1216
00:55:37,520 --> 00:55:38,719
Speaker 2: I now can't.

1217
00:55:38,600 --> 00:55:39,440
Speaker 4: Effing find it.

1218
00:55:39,800 --> 00:55:43,279
Speaker 2: I lost my crap, hit and screamed at him, and

1219
00:55:43,440 --> 00:55:45,920
Speaker 2: all but chased him out of the house. I'm furious,

1220
00:55:46,160 --> 00:55:48,680
Speaker 2: and since I'm the only one planning the funeral, I've

1221
00:55:48,760 --> 00:55:51,640
Speaker 2: banned him and his enabling family from the funeral. I'm

1222
00:55:51,719 --> 00:55:53,800
Speaker 2: so angry and so upset that they'd let him not

1223
00:55:53,960 --> 00:55:57,719
Speaker 2: only disrespect my dad by ransacking his things, but defended

1224
00:55:57,800 --> 00:56:00,279
Speaker 2: him after the fact. When I called my aunt to

1225
00:56:00,280 --> 00:56:03,239
Speaker 2: confront her about what her son did, she defended him

1226
00:56:03,320 --> 00:56:05,120
Speaker 2: and so that he would never do such a thing.

1227
00:56:05,480 --> 00:56:08,120
Speaker 2: And then I must have mis seen something. Since I

1228
00:56:08,239 --> 00:56:10,440
Speaker 2: decided to ban them. I told my closest aunt and

1229
00:56:10,600 --> 00:56:12,560
Speaker 2: uncle to give them the news that we do not

1230
00:56:12,760 --> 00:56:15,640
Speaker 2: want them there and that if they were seen anywhere

1231
00:56:15,760 --> 00:56:17,400
Speaker 2: near the church or the funeral home.

1232
00:56:17,400 --> 00:56:18,960
Speaker 5: The police would be called.

1233
00:56:19,120 --> 00:56:22,120
Speaker 2: I am now being bombarded from my family members telling

1234
00:56:22,160 --> 00:56:23,640
Speaker 2: me that it's not right for me to ban them

1235
00:56:23,680 --> 00:56:25,919
Speaker 2: from the viewing and funeral, and that I'm being way

1236
00:56:26,040 --> 00:56:28,879
Speaker 2: too hard on them, considering my dad loved them. If

1237
00:56:28,960 --> 00:56:30,919
Speaker 2: my dad had caught them doing any of the things

1238
00:56:30,920 --> 00:56:33,000
Speaker 2: that I caught their son doing, he would have thrown

1239
00:56:33,080 --> 00:56:37,120
Speaker 2: him out the door on his but period. I'm refusing

1240
00:56:37,239 --> 00:56:39,680
Speaker 2: to budge on this. However, my mom, who's been kind

1241
00:56:39,719 --> 00:56:41,440
Speaker 2: of out of it since the passing is now sort

1242
00:56:41,480 --> 00:56:44,600
Speaker 2: of gently prodding that maybe we should relent and allow

1243
00:56:44,680 --> 00:56:47,520
Speaker 2: them in. My siblings and I are generally united, except

1244
00:56:47,600 --> 00:56:49,560
Speaker 2: my sister thinks that maybe we should allow them to

1245
00:56:49,640 --> 00:56:51,759
Speaker 2: attend if my cousin agrees to turn over what he

1246
00:56:51,840 --> 00:56:54,000
Speaker 2: stole and apologizes to our family.

1247
00:56:54,160 --> 00:56:56,800
Speaker 4: So am I being too hard on them? I'm just

1248
00:56:57,040 --> 00:56:59,400
Speaker 4: so angry. I don't think I can forgive it. And

1249
00:56:59,440 --> 00:57:00,759
Speaker 4: there are some comments I.

1250
00:57:00,800 --> 00:57:03,000
Speaker 3: Think your brother needs addiction treatment.

1251
00:57:03,080 --> 00:57:05,520
Speaker 2: Fact that they're just defending it okay, But the fact

1252
00:57:05,560 --> 00:57:07,840
Speaker 2: that they're not seeing this and they're like, oh, something's

1253
00:57:07,880 --> 00:57:10,680
Speaker 2: wrong with him, like we need he needs his own help,

1254
00:57:10,840 --> 00:57:14,080
Speaker 2: completely separate to this problem, you like, that's that's another thing.

1255
00:57:14,160 --> 00:57:16,360
Speaker 2: It's like you're not just ignoring what he's doing to

1256
00:57:16,800 --> 00:57:20,680
Speaker 2: Opie's dad. It's just like there's a much bigger problem

1257
00:57:20,760 --> 00:57:22,120
Speaker 2: at hands here that we're ignoring.

1258
00:57:22,320 --> 00:57:23,240
Speaker 4: That's very disappointing.

1259
00:57:23,320 --> 00:57:26,760
Speaker 2: But yeah, I mean, honestly, that uphill battle like requirement

1260
00:57:26,880 --> 00:57:28,640
Speaker 2: of like, oh, well, you can hand him over if

1261
00:57:28,680 --> 00:57:30,480
Speaker 2: you want to come back, it's like that's kind of

1262
00:57:30,720 --> 00:57:32,680
Speaker 2: a good way to not let.

1263
00:57:32,600 --> 00:57:34,440
Speaker 3: Them back in, you know what I mean, Even if

1264
00:57:34,480 --> 00:57:36,240
Speaker 3: you do give that out, it's like they could just

1265
00:57:36,320 --> 00:57:36,960
Speaker 3: give you half of it.

1266
00:57:37,320 --> 00:57:40,240
Speaker 2: Roth Lobster says, we should allow them to attend if

1267
00:57:40,400 --> 00:57:42,400
Speaker 2: my cousin agrees to turn over what he stole and

1268
00:57:42,480 --> 00:57:45,160
Speaker 2: apologize to our family. I think this is the correct

1269
00:57:45,560 --> 00:57:47,680
Speaker 2: route to go. It shows everyone in your family that

1270
00:57:47,760 --> 00:57:50,200
Speaker 2: you have a reason to be mad. It solves drama

1271
00:57:50,320 --> 00:57:52,760
Speaker 2: and in a way that makes him look bad, not you.

1272
00:57:53,080 --> 00:57:55,680
Speaker 2: It means that you don't take crap from family for this.

1273
00:57:55,960 --> 00:57:58,200
Speaker 2: It puts pressure on your cousin from your family to

1274
00:57:58,240 --> 00:58:01,680
Speaker 2: return the substances and admit to his wrongdoing, as opposed

1275
00:58:01,720 --> 00:58:02,920
Speaker 2: to that pressure.

1276
00:58:02,680 --> 00:58:05,160
Speaker 4: Only coming from you. You can still not forgive them,

1277
00:58:05,240 --> 00:58:07,440
Speaker 4: You can still never invite them to things. You can

1278
00:58:07,480 --> 00:58:09,600
Speaker 4: still exclude this person from your life from now on.

1279
00:58:09,840 --> 00:58:13,280
Speaker 2: However, it solves the immediate cluster f that and avoids

1280
00:58:13,440 --> 00:58:16,600
Speaker 2: the drama that it might perpetuate. And as a side note,

1281
00:58:16,640 --> 00:58:19,400
Speaker 2: assuming he admits guilt, I would absolutely ban him from

1282
00:58:19,440 --> 00:58:23,160
Speaker 2: your house. Lita says, I agree. The stealing is horrible, provided,

1283
00:58:23,320 --> 00:58:26,680
Speaker 2: as one commenter noted, he took the meds not hospice,

1284
00:58:26,840 --> 00:58:28,200
Speaker 2: as is often protal call.

1285
00:58:28,320 --> 00:58:31,040
Speaker 4: But I just don't think this is Opie's call to make.

1286
00:58:31,200 --> 00:58:32,160
Speaker 4: It's her mom's call.

1287
00:58:32,320 --> 00:58:34,400
Speaker 2: She sounds like she wants to let it go and

1288
00:58:34,760 --> 00:58:36,800
Speaker 2: have the funeral be about her husband, not about the

1289
00:58:36,920 --> 00:58:39,600
Speaker 2: drama and banned family members. I'm a big believer in

1290
00:58:39,800 --> 00:58:42,120
Speaker 2: the funeral is for the living, not for the past away,

1291
00:58:42,240 --> 00:58:45,520
Speaker 2: and as the closest person to the deceased, it's mom's decision.

1292
00:58:45,600 --> 00:58:47,280
Speaker 4: I agree. An apology is an order.

1293
00:58:47,400 --> 00:58:50,480
Speaker 2: A cousin was certainly trying to steal something at any rate,

1294
00:58:50,600 --> 00:58:52,720
Speaker 2: but that shouldn't be conditional on the cousin and his

1295
00:58:52,880 --> 00:58:55,720
Speaker 2: family attending the funeral. Opie is fine not to forgive

1296
00:58:55,840 --> 00:58:58,439
Speaker 2: them or speak to them following the funeral, of course,

1297
00:58:58,520 --> 00:59:00,800
Speaker 2: but for now, I ask Opa to take some breaths,

1298
00:59:00,880 --> 00:59:03,000
Speaker 2: let the anger subside, and think of your mom and

1299
00:59:03,080 --> 00:59:06,080
Speaker 2: what she wants. Signed someone who bitter tongue about addict

1300
00:59:06,200 --> 00:59:08,560
Speaker 2: or a thief cousin coming to Grandpa's funeral because it's

1301
00:59:08,560 --> 00:59:11,520
Speaker 2: what Grandma wanted. Oh Pi responds. The thought of him

1302
00:59:11,640 --> 00:59:15,040
Speaker 2: being there literally makes my jaw clench. I cannot stand

1303
00:59:15,160 --> 00:59:17,080
Speaker 2: the thought of him or any of them showing their

1304
00:59:17,080 --> 00:59:20,000
Speaker 2: faces at an event meant to be about respect and

1305
00:59:20,120 --> 00:59:23,560
Speaker 2: honoring my dad when they all over it by letting

1306
00:59:23,680 --> 00:59:26,680
Speaker 2: their disgusting excuse for a son disrespect him. I know

1307
00:59:26,800 --> 00:59:28,880
Speaker 2: my mom wants us to forgive him and let him come,

1308
00:59:29,000 --> 00:59:32,600
Speaker 2: but I'm just so so angry. This feels like a

1309
00:59:32,680 --> 00:59:35,439
Speaker 2: literal slap to the face. I know her feelings matter,

1310
00:59:35,560 --> 00:59:37,120
Speaker 2: but aren't our feelings valid too?

1311
00:59:37,400 --> 00:59:40,680
Speaker 4: And there is an update, so this is six days later.

1312
00:59:40,880 --> 00:59:42,480
Speaker 2: For those that asked me if I was sure my

1313
00:59:42,560 --> 00:59:45,120
Speaker 2: cousin was looking through my dad's things looking for substances,

1314
00:59:45,240 --> 00:59:47,800
Speaker 2: I can one hundred percent assure you that he was.

1315
00:59:48,080 --> 00:59:51,160
Speaker 2: Drawers were pulled out, cabinets were flung wide open. When

1316
00:59:51,200 --> 00:59:53,560
Speaker 2: I caught him in the act. He was actually rummaging

1317
00:59:53,640 --> 00:59:56,040
Speaker 2: through the pockets of the pants my dad was wearing

1318
00:59:56,240 --> 00:59:59,760
Speaker 2: when he passed. So yes, I'm very sure that he

1319
00:59:59,880 --> 01:00:02,640
Speaker 2: was after the substances. I talked to my mom about

1320
01:00:02,760 --> 01:00:05,960
Speaker 2: the possibility that hospice took the substances, and she told

1321
01:00:06,040 --> 01:00:08,600
Speaker 2: me that they got rid of all the morphine and larazapam.

1322
01:00:08,680 --> 01:00:11,320
Speaker 2: The oxytocin was untouched and it was hidden in a

1323
01:00:11,440 --> 01:00:14,320
Speaker 2: very specific drawer which I found upended. It's safe to

1324
01:00:14,360 --> 01:00:17,320
Speaker 2: say that I know he took them anyway. Now the update,

1325
01:00:17,560 --> 01:00:19,640
Speaker 2: so I was all set to stick to my pew

1326
01:00:19,720 --> 01:00:23,000
Speaker 2: pews and prevent them from attending. However, I got a

1327
01:00:23,080 --> 01:00:26,200
Speaker 2: call from my Abulita, and I agreed to bring her

1328
01:00:26,280 --> 01:00:27,960
Speaker 2: some dinner and talk with her. I know she's been

1329
01:00:28,000 --> 01:00:30,400
Speaker 2: taking my dad's passing really hard, and I didn't want

1330
01:00:30,760 --> 01:00:32,560
Speaker 2: to do it, but I still felt like I had

1331
01:00:32,640 --> 01:00:34,280
Speaker 2: to hear her out. I sat down with her and

1332
01:00:34,320 --> 01:00:36,640
Speaker 2: had a long conversation, and some things came out that

1333
01:00:36,680 --> 01:00:38,600
Speaker 2: I didn't know before. My aunt, the one that I

1334
01:00:38,680 --> 01:00:41,240
Speaker 2: abanned from the funeral, actually bailed my dad out of

1335
01:00:41,320 --> 01:00:44,120
Speaker 2: jail once when he was a very young man and

1336
01:00:44,200 --> 01:00:46,840
Speaker 2: had a problem with booze. She paid for his attorney

1337
01:00:46,960 --> 01:00:49,880
Speaker 2: and legal fees and everything, and I guess the experience

1338
01:00:50,000 --> 01:00:52,000
Speaker 2: is what helped my dad get his crap together and

1339
01:00:52,120 --> 01:00:54,040
Speaker 2: straighten his life out. I never knew any of this

1340
01:00:54,200 --> 01:00:56,600
Speaker 2: because my dad swore her and the rest of my

1341
01:00:56,680 --> 01:00:59,520
Speaker 2: family to secrecy. I suspect he was ashamed, since he

1342
01:00:59,600 --> 01:01:01,600
Speaker 2: worked so hard to keep me and my siblings on

1343
01:01:01,640 --> 01:01:04,720
Speaker 2: the straight and narrow. Abulita told me that she understood

1344
01:01:04,760 --> 01:01:06,600
Speaker 2: how I felt, but my aunt was a huge part

1345
01:01:06,600 --> 01:01:08,840
Speaker 2: of my father's life and that she wanted all of

1346
01:01:08,880 --> 01:01:11,160
Speaker 2: her children there, and that being so angry and taking

1347
01:01:11,240 --> 01:01:13,920
Speaker 2: my anger out on other people would do nothing to

1348
01:01:14,040 --> 01:01:15,680
Speaker 2: bring him back, kind of broke down.

1349
01:01:15,960 --> 01:01:16,520
Speaker 3: She was right.

1350
01:01:16,800 --> 01:01:19,760
Speaker 2: When I wasn't angry, when I wasn't busy, and once

1351
01:01:19,840 --> 01:01:22,000
Speaker 2: I was left with just myself, all I felt was

1352
01:01:22,080 --> 01:01:25,160
Speaker 2: exhaust And I don't know, I don't even know how

1353
01:01:25,200 --> 01:01:28,160
Speaker 2: to describe a feeling that goes beyond heartbroken. Someone here

1354
01:01:28,240 --> 01:01:31,000
Speaker 2: commented that it was like a grief that puts a

1355
01:01:31,080 --> 01:01:34,440
Speaker 2: passing of itself in you. A commentary was one hundred

1356
01:01:34,480 --> 01:01:37,640
Speaker 2: percent right. Abilita wanted it, and my mom wanted it.

1357
01:01:37,880 --> 01:01:40,720
Speaker 2: My siblings and I reluctantly agreed to lift the ban,

1358
01:01:40,880 --> 01:01:42,840
Speaker 2: and my aunt told my other aunt and uncle that

1359
01:01:42,880 --> 01:01:45,560
Speaker 2: we had changed our minds. However, we would really appreciate

1360
01:01:45,600 --> 01:01:48,240
Speaker 2: it if the cousin did not attend. The viewing was yesterday,

1361
01:01:48,320 --> 01:01:51,160
Speaker 2: and of course they brought their crap bags on with them.

1362
01:01:51,240 --> 01:01:54,000
Speaker 2: He acted like a straight fool. While he had the

1363
01:01:54,080 --> 01:01:56,280
Speaker 2: common sense to avoid me like the plague, he had

1364
01:01:56,320 --> 01:01:58,840
Speaker 2: the effing nerve to act like he was so torn up,

1365
01:01:59,200 --> 01:01:59,800
Speaker 2: made a show of.

1366
01:02:00,440 --> 01:02:02,280
Speaker 4: The casket and so on. What do you think about that?

1367
01:02:02,320 --> 01:02:04,000
Speaker 3: I don't know. That might not be a show man.

1368
01:02:04,440 --> 01:02:05,560
Speaker 4: That's what I'm kind of thinking too.

1369
01:02:05,800 --> 01:02:09,240
Speaker 3: You know, people with addictions are still like people with feelings,

1370
01:02:09,280 --> 01:02:11,440
Speaker 3: and he probably does feel really mixed up about what

1371
01:02:11,600 --> 01:02:15,680
Speaker 3: he did, like because it's a real shameful thing to do, totally.

1372
01:02:15,760 --> 01:02:18,520
Speaker 2: I mean, I could understand if, like, if you're kneeling

1373
01:02:18,600 --> 01:02:21,320
Speaker 2: at the door or at the casket and stuff is

1374
01:02:21,440 --> 01:02:22,560
Speaker 2: like a little much for.

1375
01:02:22,600 --> 01:02:25,000
Speaker 4: What he would usually do, maybe you can be a

1376
01:02:25,040 --> 01:02:27,800
Speaker 4: little annoyed. But like again, like I agree with you,

1377
01:02:27,880 --> 01:02:30,000
Speaker 4: I don't think any of it's really malicious.

1378
01:02:30,160 --> 01:02:30,320
Speaker 5: You know.

1379
01:02:30,720 --> 01:02:34,400
Speaker 4: Obviously he wasn't being super respectful when he was looking.

1380
01:02:34,240 --> 01:02:36,800
Speaker 2: At all that stuff, but we know why, you know,

1381
01:02:37,120 --> 01:02:39,920
Speaker 2: so I think a little bit of grace can be

1382
01:02:40,040 --> 01:02:41,000
Speaker 2: given to this guy.

1383
01:02:41,200 --> 01:02:43,360
Speaker 3: It's a hard spot to be in to have to,

1384
01:02:43,720 --> 01:02:46,000
Speaker 3: you know, deal with On the other side, it's a

1385
01:02:46,040 --> 01:02:48,040
Speaker 3: hard spot for him to have to deal with it

1386
01:02:48,120 --> 01:02:50,720
Speaker 3: as well. Whatever's going on at the funeral. It's really

1387
01:02:50,800 --> 01:02:53,520
Speaker 3: hard not to move through this and from a personal place,

1388
01:02:53,840 --> 01:02:55,920
Speaker 3: you're saying it really personally it's a personal thing.

1389
01:02:55,920 --> 01:02:58,560
Speaker 4: Yeah, and you're grieving what all.

1390
01:02:58,200 --> 01:03:01,000
Speaker 3: This, Yeah, and it's and it feels unfair and wrong

1391
01:03:01,120 --> 01:03:03,920
Speaker 3: and it's just hard. But he needs help, you know, right.

1392
01:03:04,080 --> 01:03:06,040
Speaker 2: I know it's so different than like the other stories

1393
01:03:06,080 --> 01:03:09,760
Speaker 2: where someone gets really weird about money when someone passes away. Yeah,

1394
01:03:10,000 --> 01:03:12,280
Speaker 2: and they get really greedy with that stuff because it's like, okay,

1395
01:03:12,320 --> 01:03:14,480
Speaker 2: well you are in a fine state of mind to like,

1396
01:03:14,640 --> 01:03:16,800
Speaker 2: you know, deal with money, you know, But with this,

1397
01:03:16,960 --> 01:03:18,760
Speaker 2: it's like, okay, you know, I feel like people who

1398
01:03:19,040 --> 01:03:22,040
Speaker 2: are people who have problems with that kind of stuff

1399
01:03:22,080 --> 01:03:24,480
Speaker 2: don't have a lot of you know, chances of these

1400
01:03:24,600 --> 01:03:27,320
Speaker 2: medications just laying around. So this is like the perfect

1401
01:03:27,360 --> 01:03:29,480
Speaker 2: opportunity for him, and he can't help it.

1402
01:03:29,600 --> 01:03:32,720
Speaker 3: So clearly he can't because of how he acted, Like

1403
01:03:32,920 --> 01:03:36,000
Speaker 3: that's absurd to be going through the pants. Yeah, yeah,

1404
01:03:36,440 --> 01:03:37,880
Speaker 3: like it's just crazy, it's wild.

1405
01:03:37,960 --> 01:03:39,560
Speaker 2: But there is a little bit more to the story.

1406
01:03:39,680 --> 01:03:42,720
Speaker 2: So then he proceeded to get so crap faced at

1407
01:03:42,720 --> 01:03:45,680
Speaker 2: the bar next door. He promptly returned to the funeral home,

1408
01:03:45,840 --> 01:03:48,280
Speaker 2: wandered into the room where refreshments were being served, and

1409
01:03:48,440 --> 01:03:51,040
Speaker 2: when my brother said something snide to him, a pushing

1410
01:03:51,160 --> 01:03:54,400
Speaker 2: match ensued, in which an entire tray of desserts went

1411
01:03:54,560 --> 01:03:57,600
Speaker 2: crashing to the floor. My uncle promptly strong armed both

1412
01:03:57,640 --> 01:03:59,640
Speaker 2: of them out the door and told them both not

1413
01:03:59,720 --> 01:04:02,200
Speaker 2: to coming to the funeral service the next day. If

1414
01:04:02,240 --> 01:04:04,640
Speaker 2: they couldn't act right, which I don't blame him for.

1415
01:04:04,840 --> 01:04:08,120
Speaker 2: My siblings were under strict instruction not to engage.

1416
01:04:07,800 --> 01:04:09,160
Speaker 4: Him in any foolishness.

1417
01:04:09,240 --> 01:04:11,880
Speaker 2: A d bad cousin didn't show up to the service,

1418
01:04:11,960 --> 01:04:14,600
Speaker 2: but his parents did. The service went far smoother than

1419
01:04:14,640 --> 01:04:17,280
Speaker 2: the viewing. I gave the eulogy and we all said

1420
01:04:17,320 --> 01:04:18,200
Speaker 2: goodbye to my dad.

1421
01:04:18,320 --> 01:04:19,080
Speaker 3: Everyone's gone.

1422
01:04:19,160 --> 01:04:19,280
Speaker 4: Now.

1423
01:04:19,440 --> 01:04:21,920
Speaker 2: I don't feel angry anymore. Now I just feel so

1424
01:04:22,320 --> 01:04:25,840
Speaker 2: sad and incredibly alone. I'll be missing my father forever.

1425
01:04:26,000 --> 01:04:29,400
Speaker 4: And that's how we end that story. Oh Pee, I'm

1426
01:04:29,480 --> 01:04:30,080
Speaker 4: so sorry.

1427
01:04:30,520 --> 01:04:33,200
Speaker 2: Hopefully now that that kind of funeral drama is over,

1428
01:04:33,440 --> 01:04:36,160
Speaker 2: now you can actually focus on healing and grieving in

1429
01:04:36,320 --> 01:04:36,360
Speaker 2: the

1430
01:04:36,520 --> 01:04:39,800
Speaker 4: Proper way, rather than like all this other stress distracting

1431
01:04:39,840 --> 01:04:39,880
Speaker 4: it