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Speaker 1: Time now for today's Strawberry Letter. And if you need

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Speaker 1: advice and relationships, dating, work, sex, parenting and more, please

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Speaker 1: submit to your Strawberry Letter to Steve HARVEYFM dot com

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Speaker 1: and click submit Strawberry Letter. We could be reading your

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Speaker 1: letter live on the air, just like we're going to

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Speaker 1: read this one right here, right now. You never know.

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Speaker 1: It could be yours, could be could be. Buckle up

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Speaker 1: and hold on tight. We got it for you here.

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Speaker 2: It is the Strawberry Letter.

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Speaker 1: Thank you, nephew. My children are inconvenient is the subject.

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Speaker 1: Dear Stephen Shirley. I'm fifty one years old. I'm a

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Speaker 1: married woman and I've been with my husband for seven years.

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Speaker 1: We met at a rap concert while picking up our daughters,

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Speaker 1: who were both sixteen at the time. He and I

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Speaker 1: started talking about how we shouldn't have let our daughters

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Speaker 1: go on chaperone. My daughter and her friends came out first,

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Speaker 1: and he got my number before I walked away. We

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Speaker 1: instantly clicked and he proposed a year. After a year.

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Speaker 1: After a year of dating, our daughters didn't know each other,

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Speaker 1: so they demanded separate bedrooms. As we struggled to blend

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Speaker 1: our families after marriage, right now. We live with two

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Speaker 1: twenty three year old women, and he has a son

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Speaker 1: that is nineteen, and he comes and goes as he pleases.

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Speaker 1: When he breaks up with this girl, he's back on

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Speaker 1: our couch for a few weeks. All of our bedrooms,

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Speaker 1: all of our closets, and two storage rooms have been

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Speaker 1: taken over by grown children. My husband and I are

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Speaker 1: a decent couple, and my man works hard, and so

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Speaker 1: do I. We brought our children up in the church,

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Speaker 1: and we made sure they went to college. All three

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Speaker 1: of them dropped out. Our girls smoke weed, and I'm

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Speaker 1: sure our son does too, but he's just better at

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Speaker 1: hiding it. The girls smoke in our backyard, and the

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Speaker 1: neighbors used to complain, but now they just accept it

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Speaker 1: like we do. I talk to my husband about us

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Speaker 1: selling our house and downsizing to a condo so these

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Speaker 1: freeloaders won't have any space, but he's got a soft

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Speaker 1: spot for these grown, lazy women. I want to redo

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Speaker 1: our kitchen and den, but I refuse to make our

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Speaker 1: home nicer until the freeloaders leave. I don't feel bad

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Speaker 1: for them, because they're a major inconvenience. At this point,

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Speaker 1: they have no way to take care of themselves if

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Speaker 1: we put them out. What can we do to get

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Speaker 1: these grown ups out of here? Wow, this is a

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Speaker 1: really sad letter. Smoking weed in the backyard not working.

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Speaker 1: This has got to stop right now. Okay, and downsizing

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Speaker 1: to a nice condo sounds really nice. And I got

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Speaker 1: to ask whereas their mother, She probably doesn't let them

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Speaker 1: take advantage of her space like you. Guys, You and

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Speaker 1: your husband have to present some sort of united front.

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Speaker 1: I know you said your husband has a soft spot,

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Speaker 1: but you all got to get this together so you

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Speaker 1: can talk to these entitle, spoiled kids. You got to

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Speaker 1: let them know things are about to change. The free

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Speaker 1: rides over. You got to set a deadline for them

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Speaker 1: to get it together and get out. Need jobs, they

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Speaker 1: need apartments so they can get out as soon as possible.

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Speaker 1: They should start looking now. You as parents are enabling them.

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Speaker 1: That's what you're doing. These kids have no incentive to

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Speaker 1: get out. They have free meals, free room and board.

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Speaker 1: They can smoke weed whenever they want to. You guys,

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Speaker 1: don't say anything. I mean, what's their incentive to leave?

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Speaker 1: I mean, the sun does have a place to live,

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Speaker 1: so you definitely shouldn't be letting him come and go

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Speaker 1: as he pleases. I know you love your kids. We

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Speaker 1: all love our kids, but there does come a time

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Speaker 1: when we have to let go so they can spread

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Speaker 1: their wings and get started on their own path, on

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Speaker 1: their own journey. They'll figure it out. They will figure

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Speaker 1: it out as we all did, and they'll thank you later.

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Speaker 1: All right, but you've got to tell them to get

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Speaker 1: out now. Set that deadline and stick to it. You

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Speaker 1: and your husband together as a couple, Steve.

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Speaker 2: All of us only show that have adult children know

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Speaker 2: what this lets about. And we're sick of this type

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Speaker 2: of letter. We feel for you, we understand you, we

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Speaker 2: empathize with you. But at the same time, I've had

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Speaker 2: to do some things. Now, let me tell you something.

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Speaker 2: It ain't all these because I'm all through this letter.

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Speaker 2: I had blended family all this here, so you know,

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Speaker 2: here we go. Y'all met at a rap concert. Both

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Speaker 2: y'all sixteen year old daughters. Was at the concert. Y'all

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Speaker 2: met waiting on them to come outside. Your daughters came

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Speaker 2: out first with her friends. You all clicked. He asked

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Speaker 2: for your number before you walked away. A year later,

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Speaker 2: you all were married. Your daughters who are both sixteen,

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Speaker 2: didn't really know each other, so they demanded separate bedrooms.

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Speaker 2: As we struggled to blend our families after marriage. Blending

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Speaker 2: the family's not easy, especially the older they get, the

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Speaker 2: more opinionated they are, and they have personalities, and they

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Speaker 2: not necessarily would have been friends. They just became family.

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Speaker 2: The thing with family is you don't get to pick

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Speaker 2: your family. You do get to pick your friends. So

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Speaker 2: when you throw them into this situation, it is going

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Speaker 2: to be some difficulties. Right now, after seven years, you

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Speaker 2: live with two twenty three year old women, and yeah,

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Speaker 2: as a son that is nineteen, come and go as

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Speaker 2: he pleases. He break up with his girlfriend, he's back

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Speaker 2: on our couch for a few weeks. All of our bedrooms,

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Speaker 2: all of our clauses, two stores rooms have been taking

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Speaker 2: up our grown children. My husband and I have a

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Speaker 2: decent couple, and my man works hard and so do I.

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Speaker 2: It's just so much going wrong in this letter. First

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Speaker 2: of all, they've been at y'all's house way too long.

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Speaker 2: Now I'm off of you a solution when we come back,

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Speaker 2: But let me say this first, we brought our children

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Speaker 2: up into church. Okay, so much for that so much

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Speaker 2: for that. I don't even know why you put that

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Speaker 2: in there. I don't know. I don't know. I don't

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Speaker 2: know if that was supposed to change something. Because you

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Speaker 2: bought them up in the church, you can bring them

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Speaker 2: up in the church, and you can bring them up

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Speaker 2: in the club when they ain't doing what they supposed

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Speaker 2: to do. They ain't doing what they supposed to do,

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Speaker 2: and we made sure they went to college. All three

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Speaker 2: of them dropped out. Okay, so now you're making adult

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Speaker 2: decisions on your own, then it is time for adult

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Speaker 2: consequences when I come back to me. This whole letter

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Speaker 2: is about consequences and you have to allow and I've

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Speaker 2: learned this as a parent. You have to allow for

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Speaker 2: the consequences to occur. It's the only way they're gonna learn.

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Speaker 2: And it's not consequences that you inflict. It's consequences that

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Speaker 2: happen from their decisions. We'll go over this when I

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Speaker 2: come back.

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Speaker 1: Hang on, Steve. We'll have part two of your response

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Speaker 1: coming up at twenty three minutes after the hour subject

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Speaker 1: my children are inconvenient. We'll get back into it right

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Speaker 1: after this. You're listening Steve Harvey Morning Show all right,

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Speaker 1: Come on, Steve, let's recap today's strawberry letter. My children

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Speaker 1: are in convenient.

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Speaker 2: Well, well, well, well ain't they all? Sometimes your children

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Speaker 2: get on your last damn nerve. Oh they don't think

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Speaker 2: they do, but they do. And guess what the good

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Speaker 2: news is They children gonna get on they damn nerves

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Speaker 2: too now and then. So that's how I've been. I'll

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Speaker 2: be looking at my son with kids nine, he'd be

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Speaker 2: talking to me. I don't even be listening ahead the time,

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Speaker 2: don't be listening whatever. Whatever you was that same damn.

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Speaker 1: Problem I tried to tell you to me.

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Speaker 2: So now we got these couple that gotten married. They

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Speaker 2: have two daughters. At sixteen, they blended a family. They're

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Speaker 2: having difficulties. The daughters demanded each separate bedrooms. They struggle

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Speaker 2: with their marriage. You got a nineteen year old boy

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Speaker 2: that comes and go when he please. If he break

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Speaker 2: up with his girlfriend, he back on their couch for

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Speaker 2: a few weeks. All bedrooms and closets and storages take

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Speaker 2: it up by grown children. And you all all decent couple,

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Speaker 2: you and your husband. Y'all raised your kids in church,

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Speaker 2: which whatever, anyway, we made sure they went to college.

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Speaker 2: Now all three of the kids have decided to drop

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Speaker 2: out of college. This is where your consequences have to begin.

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Speaker 2: The one thing I've taught my children is this, the

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Speaker 2: older you get, the more die of the consequences. See,

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Speaker 2: you can make the mistakes at a child and then

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Speaker 2: your parents will help you. But the older you get,

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Speaker 2: my man, the more die of the consequences. And I'm

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Speaker 2: not gonna stop the consequences from happening to you. So

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Speaker 2: once they decided to drop out of college, then guess

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Speaker 2: what they needed to develop then was a plan of

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Speaker 2: action since you don't want to go to college, but

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Speaker 2: they ain't have one, and you all didn't allow them

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Speaker 2: to have one because you all let them come back

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Speaker 2: to the home. Now all three of them there dropped out,

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Speaker 2: and now they smoking weed. And you sure your son

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Speaker 2: does too. He just better at hiding it. The girls

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Speaker 2: smoke weed in y'all's backyard, and the neighbors used to complain,

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Speaker 2: but now they just accept it, like we do. Really

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Speaker 2: seem to me, like you need some rules at your house. See,

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Speaker 2: you can stay here, but these are the rules at

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Speaker 2: our house. You can't smoke weed in the backyard. It's

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Speaker 2: no longer acceptable, and if you smoke weed in the backyard,

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Speaker 2: we're gonna put you out. But they ain't got no consequences,

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Speaker 2: so they do what they want to do. Now, you

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Speaker 2: say you've talked to your husband about selling your house

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Speaker 2: and downsizing so you can get rid of these freeloaders

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Speaker 2: because they won't have any space. But he got a

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Speaker 2: soft spot for these grown lazy women. I'm assuming that

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Speaker 2: you don't. That's why you wrote the letter. You want

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Speaker 2: to redo your kitchen and den, but you don't want

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Speaker 2: to make the place nicer until the freeloaders leave. I

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Speaker 2: don't feel bad for them because they have a major inconvenience.

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Speaker 2: At this point, they have no way to take care

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Speaker 2: of themselves. This is where you and I have a problem.

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Speaker 2: They have no way to take care of themselves. Well,

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Speaker 2: that's not true. They do have a way, once they

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Speaker 2: have to find a way. I'm gonna repeat that, they

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Speaker 2: do have a way once they have to find a way.

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Speaker 2: But as Shirley said, you've enabled them, so now they

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Speaker 2: ain't got to find a way. We're in the backyard

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Speaker 2: smoking weed. We got a roof over our head, we

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Speaker 2: got some neat and we can get around. So what

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Speaker 2: do we need to do anything for if we put

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Speaker 2: them out, what can they they excuse me, I'm sorry.

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Speaker 2: We have no way to take They have no way

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Speaker 2: to get care of themselves if we put them out.

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Speaker 2: What can we do to get these grown ups out

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Speaker 2: of here? First of all, you need to set a deadline.

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Speaker 2: That's for starters. You all have six months to find

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Speaker 2: a job. Whoever doesn't have a job will be staying

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Speaker 2: with the water one that does have a job. But

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Speaker 2: everybody got six months to find a job. Secondly, you

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Speaker 2: and your husband stop cooking at home and y'all go

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Speaker 2: out to dinner. I don't care if it's to go

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Speaker 2: up to Popeyes, I don't give a damn. If it's

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Speaker 2: a go get salad that Wendy's a bar salad bar.

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Speaker 2: I don't give a damn. If it's go to Gym

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Speaker 2: and Nicks, I don't care what it is. Y'all need

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Speaker 2: to stop cooking. Starve they ass out. See stop making conveniences. Yeap,

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Speaker 2: So stop cooking, go out to dinner. Set a deadline,

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Speaker 2: and then they have to realize consequences. You have to

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Speaker 2: allow life to hand them what they putting in. See

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Speaker 2: you get out of life what you put in. So

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Speaker 2: if you don't allow your kids to suffer consequences, Daddy,

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Speaker 2: can I borrow some money what you need? And then

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Speaker 2: they tell me, I'm under no obligation to give you

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Speaker 2: the money. It depends on what's happening in your life.

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Speaker 2: And I'm telling you right now, for the most part,

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Speaker 2: I forced them to figure it out. I forced them

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Speaker 2: to figure it out. And you know what, they go do?

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Speaker 2: They go and figure it out because you know what

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Speaker 2: we all did. We all struggle to give our kids

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Speaker 2: a better life than the one we had. And in

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Speaker 2: that process, you all, we created a safety net for

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Speaker 2: them that we didn't have. And so now guess what

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Speaker 2: they do. They keep diving and laying in the damn

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Speaker 2: net and that's all they do because they think they

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Speaker 2: smart and they take advantage of the safety net. You

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Speaker 2: have to remove the net. I'm sorry. It's the only

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Speaker 2: way to make it happen and let them figure it out.

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Speaker 2: That's the only way to do it. Deadline, you gotta

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Speaker 2: get your ass.

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Speaker 1: Out, that's right, Steve. Post your comments on Today's Strawberry

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Speaker 1: Letter at Steve Harvey FM on Instagram and Facebook. Check

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Speaker 1: out the Strawberry Letter podcast on demand. You're listening to

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Speaker 1: Harvey Morning Show.