Speaker 1: My colleagues. We'll stop commenting on everything I get at
Speaker 1: people and meeting. Why does my coworker keep taking credit
Speaker 1: for all my ideas? Have any wisdom for me? Hi,
Speaker 1: I'm Alison Green. Welcome to the Aska Manager Podcast, where
Speaker 1: I answer questions from listeners about life at work. Everything
Speaker 1: from what to say if you're allergic to your coworkers
Speaker 1: perfume to what to do if you drink too much
Speaker 1: at the company party. Let's get started, Hi, and welcome
Speaker 1: to the show. You might have noticed that the show
Speaker 1: did not come out on Monday this week. We're switching
Speaker 1: back to Wednesdays only, but we're keeping both formats, so
Speaker 1: we'll still have the format where I have a guest
Speaker 1: come on the show and spend the whole show talking
Speaker 1: through their problem, and we'll also still have the format
Speaker 1: where I answer a bunch of shorter questions from different people.
Speaker 1: People seem to like both formats, so we're going to
Speaker 1: stick with both of them. Today's show is a bunch
Speaker 1: of shorter questions from people, and our first question is
Speaker 1: from a manager who messed up at work and is
Speaker 1: wondering how to handle it. Hi. There, Allison. So the
Speaker 1: basic gist of My question today is that I am
Speaker 1: the manager and I screwed up, So now what do
Speaker 1: I do h For a little bit of background, I
Speaker 1: supervise a small team before at a software company, and
Speaker 1: my team is amazing. They're reliable, fast, accurate, amiable, everything
Speaker 1: good under the sun. I couldn't ask to manage better people,
Speaker 1: and I'm really proud of the work we get done
Speaker 1: every day. So that is why I am particularly embarrassed
Speaker 1: because I made a noticeable mistake at work earlier in
Speaker 1: the week. So to explain that, we have a task
Speaker 1: that requires each member of the team to show up
Speaker 1: to work early. We rotate through all members of the
Speaker 1: team and that includes me, and I didn't arrive to
Speaker 1: get this test done, and that meant a few of
Speaker 1: my subordinates covered for me when they arrived at their
Speaker 1: normal start time. So this didn't ultimately affect our software stability,
Speaker 1: but it certainly could have. Of course, I did three things,
Speaker 1: so I immediately notified our work chat um that I
Speaker 1: was mortified about the oversight. I took someone else's early
Speaker 1: start that week to make up for the early start
Speaker 1: that I missed, and I verbally addressed it during the
Speaker 1: team meeting with my direct reports, and I reasserted that
Speaker 1: I'm held to the same expectations and standards as everyone else,
Speaker 1: and I'm not different because I'm their supervisor. And of course,
Speaker 1: moving forward, I'm going to do everything in my power
Speaker 1: to ensure this doesn't happen again. But generally, this got
Speaker 1: me to thinking, how do managers hold themselves accountable to
Speaker 1: their subordinates when they make a mistake. And I was
Speaker 1: wondering if you thought my response was sufficient or if
Speaker 1: there's something more that I should do to make sure
Speaker 1: my team can trust me. And there's one other sticky
Speaker 1: part of this, and that's that I have a chronic
Speaker 1: mental health issue that contributed to me failing at this task.
Speaker 1: And I discussed that health issue with my own supervisor,
Speaker 1: but it seemed inappropriate to bring it up with my
Speaker 1: direct reports. I was wondering, if you agreed, um, and
Speaker 1: if I continue to struggle despite my best efforts here,
Speaker 1: what would be the best way to address that matter professionally.
Speaker 1: So thank you so much for considering this question. Um.
Speaker 1: I'm so grateful for your website. I'm so grateful for
Speaker 1: your podcast. It's made such an impact on my professional life.
Speaker 1: So thanks for answering. Well. First, as far as how
Speaker 1: you handled this, it sounds like you have done everything right.
Speaker 1: You immediately acknowledged the mistake, you apologized for it, you
Speaker 1: took someone else's early start, and you've been explicit that
Speaker 1: you believe in holding yourself accountable to the same expectations
Speaker 1: as everyone else. So if you were my boss, I
Speaker 1: would be pretty delighted with the way that you handled it. Really.
Speaker 1: If anything, it's possible that you air it a little
Speaker 1: bit on the side of going just a bit overboard.
Speaker 1: I don't know that you even really needed to do
Speaker 1: that last piece about addressing it in a team meeting,
Speaker 1: since you had already addressed it in the group chat.
Speaker 1: There's nothing wrong with having done that, But I want
Speaker 1: to make sure that you're not flagellating yourself over this, because,
Speaker 1: at least based on what you shared here, this doesn't
Speaker 1: sound like it deserves flagellation. So I mean, yes, you
Speaker 1: messed up, but you're human, and humans mess up sometimes
Speaker 1: that's what we do. I'm curious about how you would
Speaker 1: react if one of your employees did the exact same thing,
Speaker 1: immediately acknowledged it and made it clear that they knew
Speaker 1: it was a mistake and that it wouldn't happen again.
Speaker 1: I don't know all the details about what happened, of course,
Speaker 1: or what the ramifications could have been of you not
Speaker 1: being there on time, but my hunch is that if
Speaker 1: one of your employees did the same thing and had
Speaker 1: the same reaction toward it that you had, you would
Speaker 1: tell them that it was okay. You know, of course,
Speaker 1: not let it happen again. But people are human. So
Speaker 1: when you talk about holding yourself to the same standards
Speaker 1: that you hold your staff, to make sure that you're
Speaker 1: not being harder on yourself than you would be on
Speaker 1: your staff. Because when you talk about worrying that they
Speaker 1: won't trust you just because you made one mistake, one
Speaker 1: that you quickly took responsibility for, I think you are
Speaker 1: probably being a little bit too hard on yourself and
Speaker 1: harder than you would be on an employee who did
Speaker 1: the same thing. You asked, more broadly, how should managers
Speaker 1: handle it when they make mistake? And the first thing
Speaker 1: to know is you will make mistakes. But this isn't
Speaker 1: like something that oh my gosh, you did this and
Speaker 1: your a terrible manager for doing it. Other managers are
Speaker 1: out there working flawlessly every day and never messing up.
Speaker 1: Managers mess up all the time, because again we're human.
Speaker 1: That is what humans do. What is important is that
Speaker 1: when you do get it wrong, you acknowledge it. And
Speaker 1: that doesn't have to be a huge thing. It can
Speaker 1: be a simple as hey, I realized that I made
Speaker 1: their on call here, I apologize about that. Going forward,
Speaker 1: let's do X instead. Sometimes it doesn't even require that,
Speaker 1: if it's a pretty routine mistake that doesn't have a
Speaker 1: huge impact on other people, it can just be H,
Speaker 1: I mess this up, can you help me do X
Speaker 1: to fix it. It is true that because you're a manager,
Speaker 1: your actions do carry more weight, and sometimes your mistakes
Speaker 1: can be ones that have more impact on other people,
Speaker 1: and it's good to factor that into how you handle mistakes.
Speaker 1: But I don't want you to feel like just because
Speaker 1: you're the boss, they're very act of making a mistake,
Speaker 1: no matter how big or small, is somehow worse because
Speaker 1: you're not expected to be perfect just because you're the boss.
Speaker 1: If that were the expectation, no manager could be successful.
Speaker 1: And I do hear a little bit of that belief
Speaker 1: running through the language that you're using. So watch out
Speaker 1: for that. Let's talk about what you don't want to do.
Speaker 1: If you make a mistake when you're the boss. You
Speaker 1: definitely don't want to double down and pretend that you
Speaker 1: are right all along. You don't want to shift the
Speaker 1: blame to other people. But you also don't want to
Speaker 1: seem so mortified by it that you signal to other
Speaker 1: people that you don't have any tolerance for mistakes in general,
Speaker 1: because if you handle your own medium sized mistakes like
Speaker 1: their giant sized mistakes, people are going to assume that
Speaker 1: you will do the same thing when they are the
Speaker 1: ones who messed up. So you're modeling for your staff
Speaker 1: how you want them handling their own mistakes as well.
Speaker 1: So yes, acknowledge it, work to fix it, work to
Speaker 1: make sure it doesn't happen again, but don't blow it
Speaker 1: out of proportion either. Now, let's talk about the mental
Speaker 1: health piece of this, because frankly, I suspect that the
Speaker 1: reason that you are being so hard in yourself is
Speaker 1: because you know that it is tied to this chronic
Speaker 1: mental health issue, and maybe you are embarrassed about that
Speaker 1: because we are still super weird about mental health and
Speaker 1: they're still stigma around it in a way, that there
Speaker 1: wouldn't be with a physical health issue. And in fact,
Speaker 1: I am curious if you had missed this task because
Speaker 1: you were physically sick, would you be beating yourself up
Speaker 1: as much? I am willing to bet a pretty significant
Speaker 1: amount of money that you wouldn't be, and that is
Speaker 1: worth thinking about. You also asked if I agreed that
Speaker 1: it would be inappropriate to bring up the mental health
Speaker 1: issue with your staff. I think there's just no need to.
Speaker 1: If you continue to struggle with it and you're concerned
Speaker 1: that it's noticeable at work, you can give them some context,
Speaker 1: but it's enough to just say that you're dealing with
Speaker 1: a medical issue that's affecting you in X and Y ways.
Speaker 1: You don't need to specify that it's a mental health issue.
Speaker 1: And in fact, you'll actually be modeling good boundaries for
Speaker 1: your staff if you just keep it to a medical issue,
Speaker 1: because you don't want them to feel like they are
Speaker 1: obligated to disclose their own personal medical details when they
Speaker 1: need time off or when they need a health accommodation,
Speaker 1: and so you will be mode all in good boundaries
Speaker 1: by demonstrating this is what it looks like. It's okay
Speaker 1: to just say, I'm dealing with a medical issue that's
Speaker 1: making me very tired, or whatever relevant piece of context
Speaker 1: do you want to share, but go easier on yourself
Speaker 1: because you are human, and that is perfectly okay. We'll
Speaker 1: go to a short break here and come back with
Speaker 1: more questions. Hi, Alten, I have a job. There's a question.
Speaker 1: I'm a relatively new grad applying for jobs that are
Speaker 1: out of state, and I've read a lot of advice
Speaker 1: and listen to podcasts and recently come across the advice
Speaker 1: to shoot out a blind email to a company manager
Speaker 1: or lead asking for either an informational interview or twenty
Speaker 1: minutes over coffee to quote unquote pick their brain when
Speaker 1: you're visiting in their town. Being according to their stories,
Speaker 1: it's worked in their favorite each time, and they blamed
Speaker 1: at the job. I've never done this, and I feel
Speaker 1: it tad awkward asking out of the blue for these
Speaker 1: kind of things rather than applying for a job on
Speaker 1: their website. But is this the new and recommended way
Speaker 1: to find jobs out of state or jobs in general?
Speaker 1: Thanks for your helping. This is a piece of advice
Speaker 1: that keeps getting passed around and it is not very effective.
Speaker 1: So First of all, managers tend to be busy, and
Speaker 1: managers who have been managing for a while and hiring
Speaker 1: for a while know that informational interview is often code
Speaker 1: for I want you to hire me, but I am
Speaker 1: not being upfront about my intentions. And the same thing
Speaker 1: goes for I want to pick your brain. It's annoying
Speaker 1: when people aren't upfront about what they actually want, and
Speaker 1: this advice is basically telling you to waste the time
Speaker 1: of strangers who may not even have a job open
Speaker 1: that would be appropriate for you. And if they do
Speaker 1: have job openings and that's why you're targeting them, it's
Speaker 1: going to be even more obvious what you're doing. And
Speaker 1: increasingly managers are likely to tell you to apply through
Speaker 1: their normal application process, and definitely when you're dealing with
Speaker 1: non small companies, they're going to want you to apply
Speaker 1: that way regardless. Now, there are some exceptions to this,
Speaker 1: like very small businesses that are more likely to sort
Speaker 1: of wing it when it comes to hiring. As a
Speaker 1: side note, I don't know that I would encourage you
Speaker 1: to work for small businesses that wing it when it
Speaker 1: comes to hiring. They tend to be fraught with dysfunction,
Speaker 1: but sometimes this approach can work with them, or if
Speaker 1: you have a very specialized, very in demand skill set.
Speaker 1: But for most people this approach is does not that
Speaker 1: effective or efficient. Definitely not more than actually applying for
Speaker 1: jobs that are open through the stated application process. I
Speaker 1: think people give this advice because they want to be
Speaker 1: able to sell you on the idea that there's some
Speaker 1: trick to job searching, there's something that will let you
Speaker 1: get around having to grate cover letters and resumes and
Speaker 1: apply the normal way, because is telling you to do
Speaker 1: it like that is pretty boring advice. But really, this
Speaker 1: idea of blind emailing strangers for most people just is
Speaker 1: not very effective. It doesn't mean that it never works,
Speaker 1: but it does mean that for most people it's not
Speaker 1: likely to work most of the time. But it's one
Speaker 1: of those things where because it occasionally works in rare cases,
Speaker 1: it gets passed around as some kind of trick to
Speaker 1: getting a job, but it's really not the best way
Speaker 1: to spend your job searching energy. Now, it is true
Speaker 1: that there is real value in building your network, especially
Speaker 1: when you're trying to find work in another state, but
Speaker 1: the way you do that is to build genuine relationships,
Speaker 1: not to ask for coffee for a fake reason that
Speaker 1: isn't actually what you're looking for from the other person.
Speaker 1: The things that will really help you find a job
Speaker 1: in another state are things like making your move sound
Speaker 1: like a done deal, like putting on your resume and
Speaker 1: in your cover letter that you're moving to their area
Speaker 1: in January or whatever month that you pick, not just
Speaker 1: I'm hoping to move there at some more this point
Speaker 1: in the future, or in some cases using a local
Speaker 1: address if you're going to be able to get there
Speaker 1: quickly for an interview. I wouldn't recommend doing that if
Speaker 1: you can't, because if you put down a local address
Speaker 1: and they're like, great, can you come in in two days,
Speaker 1: and you're suddenly stuck explaining, actually, I live across the country,
Speaker 1: it's going to look deceptive. But if you can be
Speaker 1: there quickly and there is a local address that you
Speaker 1: can use, that is an option. Other things like offering
Speaker 1: to pay for your own interview travel expenses, and definitely
Speaker 1: really leaning on your network to help you develop contacts
Speaker 1: in the area that you're moving to. And that last
Speaker 1: one does not mean blind email people. It means get
Speaker 1: the person in your network to introduce you to their
Speaker 1: old boss who works in the city you're moving to,
Speaker 1: or so forth, so that you're using real connections from
Speaker 1: your network. Okay, next question, Hi, Alison, when I listen
Speaker 1: to your episodes about getting your tone right and made
Speaker 1: me think of a question that it's plagued me for
Speaker 1: a while. I am a pretty rational person. I have
Speaker 1: a master's degree and have worked in scientific research. However,
Speaker 1: if I ever do experience any strong emotions, either positive
Speaker 1: or negative, I tend to reaspect crying. If an emotional
Speaker 1: skill was one to ten, if I am below with
Speaker 1: three or above a seven, I tend to cry and
Speaker 1: it's hard to stop myself. This can be very difficult
Speaker 1: because I don't want to seem unprofessional, weak, or unable
Speaker 1: to handle my workload. Another factor that compounds this issue
Speaker 1: is that I am currently a teacher who works in
Speaker 1: the middle school that serves very low income kits. This
Speaker 1: can cause a lot of emotional stress on top of
Speaker 1: what one might experience at a normal job. Is there
Speaker 1: any wisdom you can share about how to avoid this
Speaker 1: or alternatively, is there anything I can say in the
Speaker 1: moment to assure my coworkers that I am not a
Speaker 1: crazy over emotional wreck, but rather a professional, smart, strong,
Speaker 1: frequent crier. Thank you so much. I hope you have
Speaker 1: a great day. So I am someone who tears up
Speaker 1: easily too. I think a lot of us are. It's true, though,
Speaker 1: that will crying once or twice that work will usually
Speaker 1: be excused. If it's happening a lot, people are going
Speaker 1: to worry about what's going on. They might worry that
Speaker 1: you can't handle the stress of the job, or that
Speaker 1: you're too sensitive for getting feedback or so forth, and
Speaker 1: you don't want that, so I think the first thing is,
Speaker 1: if it is happening a lot, look for other ways
Speaker 1: to get that under control. There's some physical tricks that
Speaker 1: you can try that are supposed to help people, say
Speaker 1: pinching the bridge of your nose or pressing your tongue
Speaker 1: against the roof of your mouth, or even just making
Speaker 1: yourself think about something totally unrelated like what time it
Speaker 1: is sometimes can cut off the tears. Or if that
Speaker 1: doesn't work, you can physically remove yourself from the situation
Speaker 1: until you've regained your composure, Like you can say that
Speaker 1: you need to go get a glass of water, or
Speaker 1: excuse yourself to go to the bathroom, and often that's
Speaker 1: going to give you the break that you need to
Speaker 1: get it under control. But if you do tear up
Speaker 1: in front of a colleague, most people will take their
Speaker 1: used from you. So if you're a really matter of
Speaker 1: fact about it and you just say something like, please
Speaker 1: excuse me my tear ducks have a mind of their own,
Speaker 1: or don't mind me. I'm an easy crier, but I
Speaker 1: want to hear what you're saying, so please go on
Speaker 1: something that signals, hey, this isn't a big deal. Yeah,
Speaker 1: there's water coming from my eyes, but it's not getting
Speaker 1: in the way of me hearing and processing what you're saying. So,
Speaker 1: in other words, don't let it be disruptive, Assure the
Speaker 1: person you're talking to you that you're hearing them and
Speaker 1: they don't need to stop and comfort you, and so forth.
Speaker 1: And the more matter of fact that you can be
Speaker 1: about it, the better. Let's do a quick break and
Speaker 1: come right back. Okay, here is our next question. I
Speaker 1: have a complicated situation. I am the manager of a
Speaker 1: department in a public library. I have an employee who
Speaker 1: was very kind and helpful, but she doesn't take feedback
Speaker 1: very well. Um, the person perceives back and some conversations
Speaker 1: to be aggressive towards her, and she inflates the way
Speaker 1: people respond to her, which then leads to her feeling
Speaker 1: insecure about her relationships with co workers in a really
Speaker 1: irrational way. She has also overreacted in the past and
Speaker 1: has tried to quit because she thought she submitted some
Speaker 1: cardinal work sin which turned out to be a mynor inconvenience.
Speaker 1: I and my director had to talk her back from
Speaker 1: the edge in that case. In the past several months,
Speaker 1: she has been dealing with difficult matters at home. Her
Speaker 1: husband found work in a neighboring state about three hours
Speaker 1: away and has been unfful during his travels. Rather than
Speaker 1: leaving him, she decided that she would follow him to
Speaker 1: his new job and resigned from the library. We posted
Speaker 1: her position and received more than a dozen applicants, a
Speaker 1: few of which are very promising. As I was about
Speaker 1: to schedule interviews, she informed me that she is not
Speaker 1: moving and would like to keep her job. Do I
Speaker 1: keep on or pushed her to resign she had planned.
Speaker 1: She has been in this position for about teen months
Speaker 1: and generally does a good job with with minor adjustments
Speaker 1: that need to be made in her performance. What should
Speaker 1: I do? Thank you so much? So you say she
Speaker 1: generally does a good job, that she sounds exhausting, she
Speaker 1: takes feedback badly, and she gets weird about her relationships
Speaker 1: with her coworkers, and she's tried to quit before for
Speaker 1: strange reasons and you've had to talk her down. It
Speaker 1: all sounds like a lot of drama and distraction. I
Speaker 1: am curious when she resigned this time, did you feel relief,
Speaker 1: because if you did, that is a sign that you
Speaker 1: have probably been accommodating behavior that you should not have
Speaker 1: been accommodating, and that it might actually be better for
Speaker 1: your organization to take this opportunity to part ways with her.
Speaker 1: I don't know that that's the right move in this case,
Speaker 1: but I do want you to know that in theory,
Speaker 1: you're certainly entitled to say, you know, you resigned, and
Speaker 1: we accepted that resignation, and we're now moving forward word
Speaker 1: with other applicants who we recruited in good faith, and
Speaker 1: we're going to stick with the path that we're on
Speaker 1: and keep your last day as whatever date was set.
Speaker 1: And that is what I would recommend doing with someone
Speaker 1: who was a different sort of problem, Like if she
Speaker 1: had had a terrible attitude and been a jerk to people,
Speaker 1: I would go with that plan. But you say she's
Speaker 1: actually very kind and helpful, So I am betting that
Speaker 1: will not feel like the right thing to do, especially
Speaker 1: when you throw in the situation with her marriage, which
Speaker 1: sounds pretty awful. So there is a middle ground here.
Speaker 1: You could say to her, you know, we took you
Speaker 1: out your word when you resigned, and we put a
Speaker 1: lot of work into recruiting good candidates, and we have
Speaker 1: some promising people in the candidate pool now, but we
Speaker 1: also value you and I don't want to put you
Speaker 1: in a difficult spot. But if we short circuit the
Speaker 1: search now and you stay, I want to be transparent
Speaker 1: with you that we're going to need you to make
Speaker 1: some changes. You do excellent work, but you also bring
Speaker 1: a lot of drama into your relationships here, and I
Speaker 1: need you to read that because it can be distracting.
Speaker 1: I need you to work on not responding defensively when
Speaker 1: you get feedback, and on dealing with colleagues in a calm,
Speaker 1: drama freeway. And you could give a couple of examples
Speaker 1: there so that she's clear about what you're talking about,
Speaker 1: and you could say, if you can commit to doing that,
Speaker 1: we can move forward. But if you can't or you
Speaker 1: don't want to, we'd want to stick with the ending
Speaker 1: date that you set. And you should also say you
Speaker 1: know you've resigned in the past and then rescinded it,
Speaker 1: so I need you to be really clear that if
Speaker 1: you tell me again that you're quitting after this, I
Speaker 1: am going to take you at your word and we
Speaker 1: won't be able to reverse it again. You might feel like, oh,
Speaker 1: that's kind of harsh for someone who does good work,
Speaker 1: but what you've described is actually really disruptive. And you've
Speaker 1: got to think about her coworkers too, because if they
Speaker 1: see her being this disruptive and then they had the
Speaker 1: relief I'm betting of her resigning and then they see
Speaker 1: her reverse and course and coming back and you being
Speaker 1: okay with it, the message that you will take a
Speaker 1: way is that you're either fine with all of the
Speaker 1: drama or you're not fine with it, but you aren't
Speaker 1: being a strong leader and addressing it. So if you
Speaker 1: do let her rescind the resignation, it's got to be
Speaker 1: with these conditions on it and a commitment from her
Speaker 1: to really get that behavior under control. Let's take another question. Hi,
Speaker 1: I wanted to talk to Alison and figure out a
Speaker 1: way how to ask my brod to go from working
Speaker 1: sides eights two, three solved or four tunes. When I
Speaker 1: approached her a few days ago, um, she told me
Speaker 1: she put me on the list because other employees were
Speaker 1: going to be asking the same thing because we're moving
Speaker 1: from Kansas City, Missouri, to ln next to Kansas and
Speaker 1: the drive now is going to be about an hour
Speaker 1: one way and that just might not work for me
Speaker 1: every day. So I need to figure out a way
Speaker 1: to ask my boss again and kind of make sure
Speaker 1: that she knows that I'm serious, and then I want
Speaker 1: to be taken serious to have a different schedule coming
Speaker 1: up in November because Kansas City and Kansas can get
Speaker 1: very bad with traffic and weather. Alison, I listened to
Speaker 1: your show every week. I look forward to it. I just,
Speaker 1: you know, the one person that I want to give
Speaker 1: my advice, and I actually want to get my advice
Speaker 1: more from you than from my mom, who was a
Speaker 1: project manager for a teen chief for thirty five years. Okay,
Speaker 1: so first, for people who don't know this lingo when
Speaker 1: the color is saying she wants to go from working
Speaker 1: five eighths to four tenths. That means that right now
Speaker 1: she's working five eight hour days every week, and she
Speaker 1: wants to switch to four ten hour days, so same
Speaker 1: number of hours each week that spread out over four
Speaker 1: days instead of five. It is potentially tricky because it
Speaker 1: sounds like your US as saying other people are asking
Speaker 1: for this as well, and she doesn't necessarily want to
Speaker 1: say yes to it for everyone. And there might be
Speaker 1: good reasons for that, like maybe it'll affect coverage in
Speaker 1: a way that won't be workable, or maybe there are
Speaker 1: not good reasons for that, and she just hasn't fully
Speaker 1: thought it through. Who knows. I think you need to
Speaker 1: figure out is this a deal breaker for you? If
Speaker 1: she says no, you definitely can't make this change, would
Speaker 1: you leave the job over it. If you would, that
Speaker 1: will affect the way you approach it. You could say
Speaker 1: to her, you know, I really love my job and
Speaker 1: I want to stay in it, but I am very
Speaker 1: concerned about my community after the move. I could make
Speaker 1: it work if I can switch my schedule to four
Speaker 1: tens so that I'm still working the same number of hours,
Speaker 1: but doing the drive one day less. I want to
Speaker 1: emphasize that I really love the company and I love
Speaker 1: my work, and I want to find a way to
Speaker 1: make this work if we can. But the drive is
Speaker 1: not going to be doable for me five days a week.
Speaker 1: And if she resists, you could say something like I
Speaker 1: really want to see if we can try to make
Speaker 1: this work because I don't want to have to leave
Speaker 1: the job. Would you be open to trying it as
Speaker 1: a short term experiment, maybe for one month, and then
Speaker 1: we can see how it goes and revisit it after
Speaker 1: a month to see if it's doable. Sometimes it's easier
Speaker 1: for managers to say yes to something that is just
Speaker 1: a short term experiment rather than a permanent change, and
Speaker 1: then that gives you the chance to show that it
Speaker 1: is workable. The other thing is, you've probably thought of this,
Speaker 1: but is it an option for you to work from
Speaker 1: home at all? Because if it is, you could also
Speaker 1: propose working from home one day a week, which would
Speaker 1: also get you that break from commuting. But ultimately, if
Speaker 1: she does say no, you probably need to decide if
Speaker 1: you still want the job under these new conditions, with
Speaker 1: the longer drive and I know that sucks, but it
Speaker 1: may end up coming down to that. But have the
Speaker 1: conversation first, show that you really want to make it
Speaker 1: work and see what happens. I will say, if you
Speaker 1: have a really short commute now and you're going up
Speaker 1: to an hour each way, even just going to four
Speaker 1: tens might not be enough to make that work for
Speaker 1: you in the long term. I mean, I'm in the
Speaker 1: DC area. A lot of people have one hour commutes.
Speaker 1: It's seen as not that unusual here. But if you
Speaker 1: are somewhere where it's it's normal to have a ten
Speaker 1: minute or fifteen minute commute, this might be a major
Speaker 1: quality of life compromise that you don't want to make.
Speaker 1: Even if you do get the four tents, that still
Speaker 1: means you're spending two hours a day sitting in traffic,
Speaker 1: and you might not want to do that. So give
Speaker 1: that some thought too. Good luck. That is our show
Speaker 1: for today. If you would like to hear your question
Speaker 1: answered on an upcoming episode recorded on the show voicemail
Speaker 1: at eight five five six work that is eight five
Speaker 1: five f T six nine five, or if you have
Speaker 1: a longer question where you want to actually come on
Speaker 1: the show and talk to me email podcast at ask
Speaker 1: a manager dot org. That's it for today. I will
Speaker 1: be back next time with more questions and