1 00:00:00,240 --> 00:00:08,799 Speaker 1: Who baby, my baby, I need you, Oh hell, I 2 00:00:09,119 --> 00:00:14,000 Speaker 1: need you. What to expect? As a production of I 3 00:00:14,200 --> 00:00:18,159 Speaker 1: Heart Radio, I'm your host Heidi Murkop and I'm a 4 00:00:18,280 --> 00:00:20,960 Speaker 1: mom on a mission, a mission to help you know 5 00:00:21,120 --> 00:00:27,040 Speaker 1: what to expect every step of the way. Remember when 6 00:00:27,080 --> 00:00:29,680 Speaker 1: there was no place on the planet your baby would 7 00:00:29,800 --> 00:00:33,040 Speaker 1: rather be than snuggled up in your arms, gazing up 8 00:00:33,080 --> 00:00:38,000 Speaker 1: at your adoring face, all sweet smiles and breathy coups. Well, 9 00:00:38,080 --> 00:00:42,360 Speaker 1: if your baby has taken those first monumental steps into toddlerhood, 10 00:00:42,440 --> 00:00:45,920 Speaker 1: you may already belonging for those days when you're little 11 00:00:45,920 --> 00:00:50,200 Speaker 1: one's contentment was always just a cuddle and a feet away. 12 00:00:50,680 --> 00:00:54,280 Speaker 1: Was so much new territory to conquer, so many new 13 00:00:54,320 --> 00:00:57,800 Speaker 1: milestones to check off, and so many miles to cover 14 00:00:57,960 --> 00:01:01,960 Speaker 1: on two feet. Your toddler is still very little, but 15 00:01:02,240 --> 00:01:08,319 Speaker 1: nobody's baby. In so many ways, toddlers are larger than life, 16 00:01:09,160 --> 00:01:13,040 Speaker 1: especially when it comes to their feelings. When they're happy, 17 00:01:13,360 --> 00:01:17,000 Speaker 1: you know it. When they're mad, you know it. From 18 00:01:17,080 --> 00:01:21,280 Speaker 1: meltdowns on the frozen food aisle to battles over bathtime, 19 00:01:21,680 --> 00:01:24,920 Speaker 1: life with a toddler is never boring, and it can 20 00:01:24,959 --> 00:01:30,280 Speaker 1: definitely keep you guessing well that's about to change, because 21 00:01:30,319 --> 00:01:35,119 Speaker 1: today we're answering your biggest toddler questions, and we brought 22 00:01:35,200 --> 00:01:39,120 Speaker 1: in backup. Kristen and Dina are the moms behind big 23 00:01:39,160 --> 00:01:42,319 Speaker 1: little feelings, and chances are you are one of the 24 00:01:42,400 --> 00:01:46,319 Speaker 1: over million parents who follow them on Instagram for their 25 00:01:46,360 --> 00:01:52,000 Speaker 1: practical and actionable advice. They know they're toddlers. Kristen has 26 00:01:52,040 --> 00:01:55,120 Speaker 1: two toddlers, so she's in the trenches, and Dina is 27 00:01:55,160 --> 00:01:58,200 Speaker 1: a child therapist who happens to have a newborn, so 28 00:01:58,240 --> 00:02:02,360 Speaker 1: she'll soon be putting those skills to the test at home. Today, 29 00:02:02,400 --> 00:02:06,800 Speaker 1: they're here to talk about communicating with your toddlers, taming tantrums, 30 00:02:06,800 --> 00:02:11,520 Speaker 1: and the truth about time out, discipline, and understanding all 31 00:02:11,639 --> 00:02:17,040 Speaker 1: those big little feelings. Welcome Kristen, Indiana. We are so 32 00:02:17,160 --> 00:02:19,840 Speaker 1: excited to have you here today. And I know someone 33 00:02:19,840 --> 00:02:23,480 Speaker 1: who's a little extra excited because your advice could not 34 00:02:23,639 --> 00:02:27,720 Speaker 1: come at a better time. For Emma. She has discovered 35 00:02:27,760 --> 00:02:30,320 Speaker 1: that the struggle with a two and a half year 36 00:02:30,360 --> 00:02:34,239 Speaker 1: old is indeed real. Two story Emma, it's just he's 37 00:02:34,240 --> 00:02:36,920 Speaker 1: a lot, you know. He doesn't listen at all. He 38 00:02:37,000 --> 00:02:40,079 Speaker 1: doesn't listen to my husband. But I mean he's very headstrong, 39 00:02:40,160 --> 00:02:42,960 Speaker 1: and I'm kind of like in that pick your battles 40 00:02:43,240 --> 00:02:45,359 Speaker 1: kind of phase and it's kind of taken that to 41 00:02:45,400 --> 00:02:48,000 Speaker 1: the next level. Yeah, have you stopped picking any battles 42 00:02:48,040 --> 00:02:50,800 Speaker 1: at all? Is what's going on? Yeah, you know what, 43 00:02:50,880 --> 00:02:53,280 Speaker 1: I'm so tired. You know, this has been a real 44 00:02:53,440 --> 00:02:55,640 Speaker 1: this has been a year, and you know, I've kind 45 00:02:55,639 --> 00:02:59,920 Speaker 1: of taking off my parenting hat and I'm at then 46 00:03:00,280 --> 00:03:03,080 Speaker 1: this kind of point and I know that's so wrong, 47 00:03:03,440 --> 00:03:07,160 Speaker 1: but like, you know what, I think we got to 48 00:03:07,200 --> 00:03:09,840 Speaker 1: stop you right there. I think any thank you, I 49 00:03:09,919 --> 00:03:14,120 Speaker 1: mean not in fucking mode, right not. I mean I 50 00:03:14,120 --> 00:03:18,840 Speaker 1: think you captured that perfectly. Yeah, Nope, You're doing great. 51 00:03:19,400 --> 00:03:22,720 Speaker 1: And it's like I want him to like fall direction 52 00:03:22,760 --> 00:03:25,520 Speaker 1: because today he started school like for an hour, and 53 00:03:25,800 --> 00:03:28,240 Speaker 1: I'm like, I swear to you, I know within a 54 00:03:28,240 --> 00:03:29,840 Speaker 1: week he's going to be kicked out for you know, 55 00:03:30,200 --> 00:03:34,360 Speaker 1: he is My husband are probably bets on this, Like 56 00:03:34,600 --> 00:03:37,200 Speaker 1: We're like, he's he going to punch a kid, He's 57 00:03:37,200 --> 00:03:39,960 Speaker 1: gonna throw something. Can we just say that everything you 58 00:03:40,040 --> 00:03:45,160 Speaker 1: just mentioned is very normal toddler behavior. Gets kicked out 59 00:03:45,160 --> 00:03:47,840 Speaker 1: of school for hitting or knocking over some blocks. Then 60 00:03:47,880 --> 00:03:53,120 Speaker 1: we got a bigger problem with that, There'll be no 61 00:03:53,240 --> 00:03:57,320 Speaker 1: toddlers in the preschool if we do that. No, yeah, exactly, 62 00:03:57,800 --> 00:04:00,160 Speaker 1: Like I think, first of all, you're not saying air, 63 00:04:00,280 --> 00:04:03,080 Speaker 1: which is a good thing, um. And and he has 64 00:04:03,160 --> 00:04:07,040 Speaker 1: other authority figures. And I think, like Emma, lots of parents, 65 00:04:07,160 --> 00:04:09,920 Speaker 1: especially now, just want to get through the day. And 66 00:04:10,160 --> 00:04:14,040 Speaker 1: setting short term goals is good because survival, Emma, as 67 00:04:14,080 --> 00:04:18,039 Speaker 1: you mentioned, is a good thing. But tellsler's really are 68 00:04:18,120 --> 00:04:21,920 Speaker 1: about the here and now, But managing their behavior isn't. 69 00:04:22,240 --> 00:04:25,120 Speaker 1: What do you guys think? Yeah, I mean again, we're 70 00:04:25,120 --> 00:04:27,960 Speaker 1: in we're in unprecedented times right now. So I think 71 00:04:27,960 --> 00:04:31,119 Speaker 1: our answer a year ago would have been very different 72 00:04:31,120 --> 00:04:34,440 Speaker 1: than our answer today, And I think that's worth noting that. 73 00:04:35,520 --> 00:04:39,880 Speaker 1: I agree with you. Long term is really our goal, um. 74 00:04:40,000 --> 00:04:42,400 Speaker 1: And what's kind of cool is when we start to 75 00:04:42,440 --> 00:04:44,320 Speaker 1: look at some of the things that that Dina and 76 00:04:44,400 --> 00:04:47,400 Speaker 1: I share, some of these strategies that are rooted in 77 00:04:47,480 --> 00:04:51,320 Speaker 1: thirty years of research that leads to let's say, long term, 78 00:04:51,360 --> 00:04:56,120 Speaker 1: healthy resilient kids. For us as parents, sometimes what we 79 00:04:56,200 --> 00:04:59,280 Speaker 1: want is the screaming to stop. Right now, We're really 80 00:04:59,360 --> 00:05:01,680 Speaker 1: not so folk guest, I mean, we want that shore 81 00:05:02,080 --> 00:05:04,520 Speaker 1: when the kids are in bed and sleeping, we're like, oh, yeah, 82 00:05:04,560 --> 00:05:06,880 Speaker 1: how can I make them healthy adults? But in the moment, 83 00:05:07,640 --> 00:05:10,359 Speaker 1: right what we want is help right now today. And 84 00:05:10,400 --> 00:05:12,080 Speaker 1: what's kind of cool is that when Dina and I 85 00:05:12,120 --> 00:05:14,800 Speaker 1: started putting our heads together on all of this research 86 00:05:14,839 --> 00:05:17,520 Speaker 1: and long term resilience, there are so many of these 87 00:05:17,520 --> 00:05:21,000 Speaker 1: things that actually serve both purposes. Like one thing that 88 00:05:21,040 --> 00:05:22,919 Speaker 1: we always talk about that's a great example we like 89 00:05:23,000 --> 00:05:25,440 Speaker 1: to use is the you know, just letting toddlers know 90 00:05:25,520 --> 00:05:27,880 Speaker 1: that their feelings are okay, okay, let's use that as 91 00:05:27,920 --> 00:05:30,920 Speaker 1: a great example. So on one end, that sounds very 92 00:05:30,960 --> 00:05:33,880 Speaker 1: fluffy and idealistic and whatever, But when you look at 93 00:05:33,880 --> 00:05:38,520 Speaker 1: the research, we're building healthy emotional skills life long. They 94 00:05:38,520 --> 00:05:42,839 Speaker 1: won't push their feelings down leads to destructive behavior, YadA, YadA. 95 00:05:42,960 --> 00:05:45,839 Speaker 1: At the same time, if you were to say to me, hey, Kristen, 96 00:05:46,040 --> 00:05:47,960 Speaker 1: what's the number one thing you should do if you're 97 00:05:47,960 --> 00:05:50,240 Speaker 1: toddler is having a tantrum and you do nothing else, 98 00:05:50,640 --> 00:05:53,000 Speaker 1: I would say, get down to their level and let 99 00:05:53,000 --> 00:05:56,200 Speaker 1: them know, Hey, Bud, you're so upset right now about 100 00:05:56,240 --> 00:05:59,040 Speaker 1: the iPad being all done. I get it. It's okay 101 00:05:59,040 --> 00:06:03,320 Speaker 1: to be upset because magically, in that moment, oftentimes, just 102 00:06:03,440 --> 00:06:06,599 Speaker 1: doing that, their tantrum is going to be shorter and 103 00:06:06,720 --> 00:06:09,320 Speaker 1: less intense, rather than you're saying, what's the big deal? 104 00:06:09,360 --> 00:06:11,040 Speaker 1: Get over it? I told you a hundred times, the 105 00:06:11,080 --> 00:06:13,880 Speaker 1: iPad is all done. And so it's kind of magical 106 00:06:13,920 --> 00:06:17,840 Speaker 1: that a lot of these things can can have both. Yeah, 107 00:06:17,960 --> 00:06:21,680 Speaker 1: it's important to validate their feelings, as we always talk about, 108 00:06:22,080 --> 00:06:25,640 Speaker 1: but also to get on their level and put yourself 109 00:06:25,800 --> 00:06:29,240 Speaker 1: in their little shoes and understand why they're feeling the 110 00:06:29,279 --> 00:06:32,440 Speaker 1: big feelings that they are and they can't express them 111 00:06:32,480 --> 00:06:35,479 Speaker 1: as easily as as we can. And sometimes we have 112 00:06:35,560 --> 00:06:39,240 Speaker 1: a hard time expressing our feelings right in a positive way. 113 00:06:39,279 --> 00:06:42,120 Speaker 1: It's not like we're running around, you know, being always 114 00:06:42,640 --> 00:06:46,680 Speaker 1: calm and collected. I am angry or upset by very 115 00:06:46,760 --> 00:06:50,000 Speaker 1: ridiculous things, especially too. I always like to make that 116 00:06:50,040 --> 00:06:52,960 Speaker 1: comparison that if you had a really hard day and 117 00:06:53,120 --> 00:06:55,320 Speaker 1: you know, there was just traffic and something was just 118 00:06:55,320 --> 00:06:58,280 Speaker 1: just grating on you, and you walk in, you tell 119 00:06:58,320 --> 00:07:00,640 Speaker 1: your partner about it, and they're like, it's a big deal, 120 00:07:00,720 --> 00:07:02,719 Speaker 1: nothing even happened. What are you talking about? Like, get 121 00:07:02,720 --> 00:07:06,279 Speaker 1: over it? You would just feel horrible. You'd you would explode. 122 00:07:06,320 --> 00:07:09,000 Speaker 1: I mean, it just wouldn't feel good. And all you 123 00:07:09,040 --> 00:07:12,120 Speaker 1: needed in that moment with someone to say you're having 124 00:07:12,160 --> 00:07:14,400 Speaker 1: a hard time. I get that. It's a game changer. 125 00:07:14,680 --> 00:07:17,800 Speaker 1: That's so true. I would fully throw something. Yeah, I 126 00:07:17,800 --> 00:07:22,000 Speaker 1: would throw something. Yeah, I would knock go over some blocks. Yeah, exactly. 127 00:07:22,400 --> 00:07:24,640 Speaker 1: You know what's interesting what you said though? To me, 128 00:07:24,840 --> 00:07:27,640 Speaker 1: it's like during that moment when he's having a tantrum, 129 00:07:27,680 --> 00:07:30,000 Speaker 1: like I kind of just I'm in pilot mode and 130 00:07:30,040 --> 00:07:32,720 Speaker 1: I like given a lot of times, and then at 131 00:07:32,840 --> 00:07:36,000 Speaker 1: night when I'm in bed when he's sleeping, I'm like, wow, 132 00:07:36,040 --> 00:07:39,040 Speaker 1: what can I do tomorrow to like help that situation 133 00:07:39,080 --> 00:07:43,280 Speaker 1: in a in a more positive way where he's learning, 134 00:07:44,200 --> 00:07:46,520 Speaker 1: and also like I'm not losing my mind. But and 135 00:07:46,560 --> 00:07:48,720 Speaker 1: then the next day it's again, it's it's a vicious 136 00:07:48,720 --> 00:07:51,520 Speaker 1: cycle because I don't want to deal with it. Yeah, 137 00:07:51,560 --> 00:07:54,480 Speaker 1: And you know, I feel like it's important, you know, 138 00:07:54,560 --> 00:07:57,600 Speaker 1: as much as putting yourself in there their little sneakers 139 00:07:57,720 --> 00:08:02,280 Speaker 1: also to understand what toddler is and why they behave 140 00:08:02,440 --> 00:08:06,040 Speaker 1: the way that they do, because perspective goes a really 141 00:08:06,080 --> 00:08:10,040 Speaker 1: long way. All you see is the screaming and the negativity. 142 00:08:10,080 --> 00:08:13,200 Speaker 1: And you know, hoddlerhood is the first adolescence. This is 143 00:08:13,240 --> 00:08:16,320 Speaker 1: when a child is for the first time setting out 144 00:08:16,360 --> 00:08:19,560 Speaker 1: on two feet, you know, carving their own identity and 145 00:08:19,640 --> 00:08:23,840 Speaker 1: declaring their independence. Um, the only way they know how 146 00:08:23,920 --> 00:08:26,880 Speaker 1: at this point exactly, I'm so happy you said that. 147 00:08:27,000 --> 00:08:29,680 Speaker 1: And has so much to do with their brain development. 148 00:08:29,760 --> 00:08:34,240 Speaker 1: At this spep of life, their brains are exploding in 149 00:08:34,320 --> 00:08:38,000 Speaker 1: terms of development, it's happening so quickly, and at the 150 00:08:38,080 --> 00:08:41,839 Speaker 1: same time, the upper areas of their brain that how 151 00:08:41,880 --> 00:08:45,880 Speaker 1: all the networks that help them manage their motions, use 152 00:08:45,960 --> 00:08:49,880 Speaker 1: their language to express themselves and ask for things and 153 00:08:49,960 --> 00:08:54,400 Speaker 1: control their bodies. That is so under construction still, and 154 00:08:54,480 --> 00:08:58,720 Speaker 1: that's why we see them screaming and screeching, flailing around, 155 00:08:59,120 --> 00:09:02,600 Speaker 1: you know, like hitting on the ground and your kid 156 00:09:02,679 --> 00:09:06,559 Speaker 1: pushing back in the toddler stage is actually an amazing sign. 157 00:09:06,679 --> 00:09:10,400 Speaker 1: It's a sign that internally they're starting to become aware 158 00:09:10,440 --> 00:09:13,120 Speaker 1: of what they want and what they need and they're 159 00:09:13,160 --> 00:09:16,000 Speaker 1: saying no, I have an opinion. You're saying no, and 160 00:09:16,200 --> 00:09:18,800 Speaker 1: I say yes, And that's actually kind of amazing, and 161 00:09:18,840 --> 00:09:22,439 Speaker 1: they're kind of exploring that that relationship too by the way, right, 162 00:09:22,480 --> 00:09:25,120 Speaker 1: everything is new, everything is out there, and they're kind 163 00:09:25,120 --> 00:09:28,680 Speaker 1: of I think of it when they're testing boundaries. It's like, yes, 164 00:09:28,840 --> 00:09:32,720 Speaker 1: they've reached this milestone. They are healthy development yea. And 165 00:09:32,760 --> 00:09:35,800 Speaker 1: then I kind of like to think of it as, hey, mom, 166 00:09:35,960 --> 00:09:38,160 Speaker 1: are you in control? Or am I in control? Because 167 00:09:38,200 --> 00:09:43,199 Speaker 1: toddler's having control of everything in the whole world, bedtime, iPad, 168 00:09:43,280 --> 00:09:46,720 Speaker 1: this keeping them safe, that's actually scary for them. And 169 00:09:46,760 --> 00:09:50,640 Speaker 1: even though it seems like they want to have all 170 00:09:50,720 --> 00:09:54,480 Speaker 1: the power and all the control, it's actually them kind 171 00:09:54,480 --> 00:09:58,520 Speaker 1: of asking us to hey, are you the calm, confident 172 00:09:58,600 --> 00:10:01,080 Speaker 1: leader or am I the leader? Should I make these choices? 173 00:10:01,480 --> 00:10:04,559 Speaker 1: And when we have those sort of limits that are 174 00:10:04,640 --> 00:10:08,720 Speaker 1: loving there, it's not authoritative, it's not threatening, but a 175 00:10:08,800 --> 00:10:14,600 Speaker 1: really calm, confident, leading vibe. Our toddler will feel safer 176 00:10:14,679 --> 00:10:16,959 Speaker 1: to then be the kid. Right, That's what we want 177 00:10:17,000 --> 00:10:19,880 Speaker 1: them to be, is a free kid, and we are 178 00:10:19,960 --> 00:10:22,480 Speaker 1: here to keep them safe, to let them know what's 179 00:10:22,480 --> 00:10:25,400 Speaker 1: on the menu for lunch. And then, like we talk about, 180 00:10:25,440 --> 00:10:28,040 Speaker 1: then you give them toddler type of control and power. 181 00:10:28,120 --> 00:10:31,000 Speaker 1: Hey it's time for shoes. Now, we're leaving right now. 182 00:10:31,320 --> 00:10:34,000 Speaker 1: That's a mean thing. I'm calm, I'm in control. Do 183 00:10:34,000 --> 00:10:36,000 Speaker 1: you want the red shoes or the blue shoes? And 184 00:10:36,040 --> 00:10:39,040 Speaker 1: that way they feel like they have age appropriate power. 185 00:10:39,360 --> 00:10:42,640 Speaker 1: That's like the wonderful trifecta if you can get there 186 00:10:42,800 --> 00:10:45,480 Speaker 1: and avoid the the yes or no answer, because you 187 00:10:45,520 --> 00:10:47,640 Speaker 1: will always get no. You're always gonna get no. I 188 00:10:47,840 --> 00:10:49,960 Speaker 1: always make this mistake and Melissa, do you want this? 189 00:10:50,160 --> 00:10:51,640 Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, if you say do you want to 190 00:10:51,720 --> 00:10:54,000 Speaker 1: use the potty? Why are we for? It's like I 191 00:10:54,040 --> 00:10:55,360 Speaker 1: say that to you, by the way, but I'm like, 192 00:10:55,360 --> 00:10:58,160 Speaker 1: why did I just ask? It's actually unfair because when 193 00:10:58,200 --> 00:11:01,480 Speaker 1: they say no, and I'm like, well too, you know 194 00:11:01,480 --> 00:11:04,920 Speaker 1: what I mean? All that's terrible. It's not fair. All 195 00:11:04,960 --> 00:11:07,160 Speaker 1: I had to say was it's time to use the party? Now? 196 00:11:07,200 --> 00:11:09,000 Speaker 1: Would you like to use the big party or the 197 00:11:09,040 --> 00:11:11,560 Speaker 1: little potty or something like yeah, but it's just it's 198 00:11:11,559 --> 00:11:13,920 Speaker 1: time for bedtime, not are you ready for bed? And 199 00:11:13,960 --> 00:11:17,200 Speaker 1: they go no. I mean, why am I? Asking? Is 200 00:11:17,240 --> 00:11:21,360 Speaker 1: so important? And I didn't understand that until right now. Actually, 201 00:11:21,600 --> 00:11:27,080 Speaker 1: But I think modeling the behavior that you want to 202 00:11:27,080 --> 00:11:29,439 Speaker 1: see in your kid it sounds like a great idea, 203 00:11:29,640 --> 00:11:32,439 Speaker 1: and it is a great idea. So like you need 204 00:11:32,520 --> 00:11:35,480 Speaker 1: to be the common their storm because when you're upset 205 00:11:35,720 --> 00:11:39,560 Speaker 1: and they're upset, everybody's upset, and you get nowhere because 206 00:11:39,559 --> 00:11:44,600 Speaker 1: that's unsettling. Like you said, Kristen, that's scary when everything's 207 00:11:44,600 --> 00:11:47,120 Speaker 1: out of control. Mommy's out of control, even if you're 208 00:11:47,160 --> 00:11:49,400 Speaker 1: in control, but you say, you know what, yeah, one 209 00:11:49,440 --> 00:11:53,200 Speaker 1: more episode. Even just that can be a little bit 210 00:11:53,280 --> 00:11:58,160 Speaker 1: chaotic and confusing, right because with mommy says one more episode, 211 00:11:58,760 --> 00:12:01,520 Speaker 1: then okay, just mean one more episode, doesn't mean five 212 00:12:01,559 --> 00:12:03,880 Speaker 1: more episode When we're at the park, Oh does this 213 00:12:03,880 --> 00:12:05,800 Speaker 1: mean five more minutes or ten more minutes, thirty more 214 00:12:05,800 --> 00:12:09,200 Speaker 1: minutes or one more minute? So I know I am 215 00:12:09,320 --> 00:12:13,320 Speaker 1: the biggest people pleaser in the world. I hate for 216 00:12:13,400 --> 00:12:17,200 Speaker 1: anyone to be upset about anything. But what helps me 217 00:12:17,679 --> 00:12:20,520 Speaker 1: in the boundary stage because it's hard for us. People 218 00:12:20,559 --> 00:12:23,160 Speaker 1: pleasers are people that really want to make people happy, 219 00:12:23,400 --> 00:12:26,800 Speaker 1: especially our kids. I try to think of it as 220 00:12:26,880 --> 00:12:29,280 Speaker 1: keeping them safe, the same way I wouldn't let them 221 00:12:29,320 --> 00:12:31,360 Speaker 1: run into a road, and I would want to say 222 00:12:31,400 --> 00:12:34,160 Speaker 1: I'm here and I'm keeping you safe. I'm here, I'm 223 00:12:34,200 --> 00:12:36,840 Speaker 1: keeping you safe. I kind of just like mantra that 224 00:12:37,000 --> 00:12:39,040 Speaker 1: over and over when it comes to the iPad, when 225 00:12:39,080 --> 00:12:40,880 Speaker 1: it comes to leaving the park, when it comes to 226 00:12:40,920 --> 00:12:43,440 Speaker 1: getting out of the bathtub, it's like, this is my role. 227 00:12:43,559 --> 00:12:47,160 Speaker 1: It's okay to be upset about this. I'm keeping you safe. 228 00:12:47,400 --> 00:12:50,679 Speaker 1: And I feel like if you were a pedestrian on 229 00:12:50,720 --> 00:12:53,760 Speaker 1: the street and you didn't know what the traffic rules 230 00:12:53,800 --> 00:12:56,400 Speaker 1: were and there were no lights and so you would 231 00:12:56,440 --> 00:12:59,400 Speaker 1: just cross, so the cars would just go whenever, and 232 00:12:59,760 --> 00:13:03,840 Speaker 1: so you would be confused, you would be unsettled, and 233 00:13:03,920 --> 00:13:06,959 Speaker 1: you would probably almost certainly be non complaint because you 234 00:13:06,960 --> 00:13:08,880 Speaker 1: would never know what the rules were going to be 235 00:13:08,920 --> 00:13:12,000 Speaker 1: on any given day. It's confusing. You know what confusion 236 00:13:12,080 --> 00:13:15,040 Speaker 1: leads to, by the way, chaos, it leads to tantrums, 237 00:13:15,040 --> 00:13:18,840 Speaker 1: It leads to those big emotions and when they feel safer, 238 00:13:19,400 --> 00:13:22,120 Speaker 1: Like you just said, there's one, gosh, the one analogy, 239 00:13:22,120 --> 00:13:24,400 Speaker 1: and I can't remember who's first said it, but with 240 00:13:24,440 --> 00:13:27,400 Speaker 1: the guardrails, it's a great analogy. It's just like that 241 00:13:27,440 --> 00:13:30,920 Speaker 1: street light analogy. If there are no guardrails up, then 242 00:13:30,960 --> 00:13:33,720 Speaker 1: we're gonna really tiptoe kind of and then be hesitant 243 00:13:33,760 --> 00:13:35,559 Speaker 1: and then go forward and then be wary and then 244 00:13:35,600 --> 00:13:37,240 Speaker 1: be scared and then be cautious. And then be this. 245 00:13:37,760 --> 00:13:41,479 Speaker 1: And it's our job as parents to provide those guardrails 246 00:13:41,640 --> 00:13:44,480 Speaker 1: so that they can really thrive and kind of like 247 00:13:44,760 --> 00:13:47,440 Speaker 1: run through life being a kid and know that we're 248 00:13:47,480 --> 00:13:50,200 Speaker 1: there to have that structure to keep them safe. And 249 00:13:50,280 --> 00:13:52,839 Speaker 1: what we're really all saying too, is that when we 250 00:13:52,960 --> 00:13:55,880 Speaker 1: don't feel safe, what ends up happening is that your 251 00:13:55,920 --> 00:13:59,360 Speaker 1: brain kicks into survival mode. It kicks into that fight 252 00:13:59,600 --> 00:14:02,120 Speaker 1: or fly, freeze or faint. Those are really like the 253 00:14:02,240 --> 00:14:06,559 Speaker 1: four survival responses. And so we talk about aggressive kids 254 00:14:06,600 --> 00:14:09,960 Speaker 1: that's fight. We talk about you know, like nervous kids 255 00:14:09,960 --> 00:14:13,160 Speaker 1: who don't want to take risk, that's also a survival response. 256 00:14:13,559 --> 00:14:15,920 Speaker 1: This is all like sort of that high level talk 257 00:14:16,040 --> 00:14:19,200 Speaker 1: that I always found really confusing. And so the big 258 00:14:19,240 --> 00:14:21,320 Speaker 1: little feelings way is, now, let's talk about that with 259 00:14:21,320 --> 00:14:24,960 Speaker 1: that iPad example. What that means is is that when 260 00:14:25,000 --> 00:14:29,840 Speaker 1: you say every single time almost almost that iPad is 261 00:14:29,840 --> 00:14:32,600 Speaker 1: all done, you mean iPad is all done. What that 262 00:14:32,680 --> 00:14:35,960 Speaker 1: means is their little brains feel safer, even though they're upset. 263 00:14:36,200 --> 00:14:38,400 Speaker 1: By the second or third time, it's not going to 264 00:14:38,440 --> 00:14:41,240 Speaker 1: be a pushback or a struggle because when mom says 265 00:14:41,280 --> 00:14:44,160 Speaker 1: what she means, she means what she says, and we're 266 00:14:44,200 --> 00:14:46,480 Speaker 1: not going in a flight fight or even like oh 267 00:14:46,600 --> 00:14:48,760 Speaker 1: how can I get more? It's just like it's hard 268 00:14:48,880 --> 00:14:53,640 Speaker 1: for those initial few times, but then it's not a pushback, 269 00:14:53,680 --> 00:14:56,880 Speaker 1: it's not a struggle anymore. We feel okay, this is it. 270 00:14:56,880 --> 00:14:59,480 Speaker 1: It's one more episode exactly. And I feel like if 271 00:14:59,520 --> 00:15:02,240 Speaker 1: you're gonna old boundaries, which is like we're saying, it's 272 00:15:02,360 --> 00:15:05,680 Speaker 1: really hard sometimes because they're screaming, they're crying, it's loud, 273 00:15:05,800 --> 00:15:09,240 Speaker 1: we're overwhelmed. I feel like we also have to be 274 00:15:09,520 --> 00:15:12,480 Speaker 1: armed too. It's like the tool of okay, the feelings, 275 00:15:12,840 --> 00:15:15,200 Speaker 1: you can see them and hear them. Yes, it's so 276 00:15:15,280 --> 00:15:18,360 Speaker 1: hard right now, you're really upset, it's okay to cry 277 00:15:18,440 --> 00:15:21,360 Speaker 1: and let them express that. As we hold boundaries, and 278 00:15:21,400 --> 00:15:23,640 Speaker 1: you know, you talk also about the same things that 279 00:15:23,760 --> 00:15:28,120 Speaker 1: I talk about, which consistency and structure and predictability. So 280 00:15:28,160 --> 00:15:32,240 Speaker 1: the rules are always the same. The rules are age appropriate, right, 281 00:15:32,240 --> 00:15:34,880 Speaker 1: because if you expect too much from a kid, they 282 00:15:34,880 --> 00:15:37,520 Speaker 1: can't deliver, they can't live up to those expectations. And 283 00:15:37,560 --> 00:15:40,640 Speaker 1: if you expect too little, what's the point? So true, 284 00:15:40,960 --> 00:15:45,400 Speaker 1: and of course the unconditional love, So even when I 285 00:15:45,440 --> 00:15:49,280 Speaker 1: mean everybody's heard this, but it's so important to remember 286 00:15:49,320 --> 00:15:52,480 Speaker 1: that if your child feels loved, it's okay for your 287 00:15:52,520 --> 00:15:54,680 Speaker 1: child to know you're not fond of their behavior in 288 00:15:54,760 --> 00:15:58,040 Speaker 1: this moment, but that you always love them no matter what, 289 00:15:58,680 --> 00:16:03,080 Speaker 1: absolutely and eve even not only unconditional love, which is 290 00:16:03,160 --> 00:16:06,840 Speaker 1: so important, but also cementing in the fact that they 291 00:16:06,920 --> 00:16:10,120 Speaker 1: are a good kid no matter what. They are a 292 00:16:10,160 --> 00:16:13,960 Speaker 1: great kid who made a mistake, and so the mistake 293 00:16:14,160 --> 00:16:16,920 Speaker 1: can be something that we will help them by the 294 00:16:16,960 --> 00:16:21,680 Speaker 1: way we're going to help them in the future. To Okay, 295 00:16:21,720 --> 00:16:24,080 Speaker 1: we were feeling angry, It's okay to feel angry. I'm 296 00:16:24,120 --> 00:16:26,600 Speaker 1: here with you. And next time we feel angry, what 297 00:16:26,640 --> 00:16:31,040 Speaker 1: are we going to do differently? And we love them 298 00:16:31,120 --> 00:16:33,520 Speaker 1: no matter what they do, and they are a good 299 00:16:33,640 --> 00:16:49,360 Speaker 1: kid no matter what mistakes they may have made today. Dina, 300 00:16:49,440 --> 00:16:51,960 Speaker 1: You're not there quite yet, but christ and I'm sure 301 00:16:51,960 --> 00:16:55,920 Speaker 1: there are times when you completely ignore your own best advice. 302 00:16:56,000 --> 00:16:58,880 Speaker 1: Oh my god, all the time. Yes. First of all, yes, 303 00:16:59,160 --> 00:17:05,000 Speaker 1: human nature, especially under stress under hello a pandemic our 304 00:17:05,160 --> 00:17:08,400 Speaker 1: big thing. Anyways, No matter what is the twenty rule, 305 00:17:08,560 --> 00:17:10,959 Speaker 1: I am all about the eight twenty rule. And I 306 00:17:11,000 --> 00:17:14,360 Speaker 1: feel a lot more empowered when I let myself do that. 307 00:17:14,560 --> 00:17:16,480 Speaker 1: So that means eighty percent of the time is what 308 00:17:16,520 --> 00:17:19,440 Speaker 1: I'm striving for. Some weeks, it's not gonna be eighty. 309 00:17:19,560 --> 00:17:22,399 Speaker 1: Sometimes it's gonna be fifty. But let's celebrate that eighty 310 00:17:22,480 --> 00:17:24,840 Speaker 1: or fifty percent of the time where we're like, all right, 311 00:17:25,200 --> 00:17:28,000 Speaker 1: I held that boundary. I didn't give in Okay, cool, 312 00:17:28,240 --> 00:17:30,800 Speaker 1: I did this or I did that. And then twenty 313 00:17:31,200 --> 00:17:34,560 Speaker 1: of the time I now structure those days in because 314 00:17:34,840 --> 00:17:37,199 Speaker 1: I'm a little bit of a perfectionist and I just 315 00:17:37,320 --> 00:17:39,280 Speaker 1: like to know, like, Okay, today is a day where 316 00:17:39,280 --> 00:17:41,639 Speaker 1: I'm gonna try really hard, and then I know that 317 00:17:41,720 --> 00:17:45,200 Speaker 1: two days a week almost I'm letting go of everything. 318 00:17:45,440 --> 00:17:49,040 Speaker 1: I let screen time, we're having crackers with cheese, We're 319 00:17:49,119 --> 00:17:52,320 Speaker 1: having you know, we can let on like holidays. You know, 320 00:17:52,520 --> 00:17:55,679 Speaker 1: you're letting the boundaries go, you're having their having sugar, 321 00:17:55,800 --> 00:17:59,760 Speaker 1: things like that. It is impossible to be perfect one 322 00:18:00,040 --> 00:18:02,720 Speaker 1: hundred percent of the time. And I think that people 323 00:18:03,280 --> 00:18:06,439 Speaker 1: when they read about, you know, sort of positive parenting 324 00:18:06,840 --> 00:18:10,359 Speaker 1: gent whatever you want to call it, it seems really unrealistic. 325 00:18:10,680 --> 00:18:15,080 Speaker 1: And that's because I think it is. And you can't 326 00:18:15,080 --> 00:18:18,160 Speaker 1: be at one of the time, and for me, I 327 00:18:18,240 --> 00:18:20,720 Speaker 1: know not even to strive for that, so I don't 328 00:18:20,760 --> 00:18:23,120 Speaker 1: feel like I failed. And when you feel like you've 329 00:18:23,119 --> 00:18:26,360 Speaker 1: failed and you get into that like guilt and the cycle, 330 00:18:26,760 --> 00:18:29,320 Speaker 1: you're gonna wake up and not really do it again 331 00:18:29,400 --> 00:18:31,679 Speaker 1: and pop up up. And for me, it's like I 332 00:18:31,720 --> 00:18:34,359 Speaker 1: did a fifty percent jobs it's great, like I did it, 333 00:18:34,480 --> 00:18:37,080 Speaker 1: I tried, I killed it. But it's the same thing 334 00:18:37,080 --> 00:18:39,960 Speaker 1: as with kids. You want to set expectations for yourself 335 00:18:40,040 --> 00:18:43,320 Speaker 1: that are realistic, because when I see headlines that are 336 00:18:43,359 --> 00:18:44,960 Speaker 1: just like, you know, how to be a better parent. 337 00:18:45,400 --> 00:18:48,280 Speaker 1: First of all, there's no one right way to do 338 00:18:48,320 --> 00:18:50,439 Speaker 1: any of this. You know, you've got to find your 339 00:18:50,480 --> 00:18:53,720 Speaker 1: own way. But you can't be so hard on yourself. 340 00:18:53,840 --> 00:18:56,800 Speaker 1: Moms especially, I think, are so hard on ourselves on 341 00:18:56,800 --> 00:19:01,920 Speaker 1: on others, and I mean Insta ram, social media. All 342 00:19:02,000 --> 00:19:05,280 Speaker 1: we see are the toddlers who are wearing matching outfits 343 00:19:05,440 --> 00:19:08,080 Speaker 1: with like perfect ice cream cones in their hands that 344 00:19:08,119 --> 00:19:10,840 Speaker 1: are not dripping, and then the mom is wearing like 345 00:19:10,840 --> 00:19:13,760 Speaker 1: like booty shorts with her abs and like a newborn 346 00:19:13,800 --> 00:19:16,919 Speaker 1: baby on her breast, and it's like nobody is showing 347 00:19:16,920 --> 00:19:20,000 Speaker 1: the behind the scenes where she was like screaming and 348 00:19:20,040 --> 00:19:22,560 Speaker 1: giving them candy to sit down and stay still, and 349 00:19:22,640 --> 00:19:24,480 Speaker 1: like threatening to take away the ip and then she 350 00:19:24,520 --> 00:19:27,240 Speaker 1: storms off and then this and that, and it's very 351 00:19:27,240 --> 00:19:29,960 Speaker 1: difficult space I think to be a mom because it's like, oh, 352 00:19:30,000 --> 00:19:32,200 Speaker 1: I need perfect activities, I need a perfect I haven't 353 00:19:32,200 --> 00:19:34,240 Speaker 1: done an activity in four years. I did one time 354 00:19:34,720 --> 00:19:37,359 Speaker 1: and I was like, this is my nightmare. I don't 355 00:19:37,359 --> 00:19:39,800 Speaker 1: have the capacity for this. I don't have the patience 356 00:19:39,880 --> 00:19:41,920 Speaker 1: for it. You know what I'm good at, I'm really 357 00:19:41,960 --> 00:19:44,080 Speaker 1: good at messy play, Like I'll let them jump in 358 00:19:44,119 --> 00:19:47,679 Speaker 1: a puddle, I'll let them go wild. You should celebrate 359 00:19:47,760 --> 00:19:51,840 Speaker 1: the ship out of that um and celebrate those things. 360 00:19:52,440 --> 00:19:55,040 Speaker 1: It's such a mind shift and we have to be 361 00:19:55,080 --> 00:19:58,679 Speaker 1: so so aware of it because otherwise we drive ourselves crazy. 362 00:19:58,840 --> 00:20:00,720 Speaker 1: And you know, I'm never going to be the clean 363 00:20:00,800 --> 00:20:02,680 Speaker 1: mom and I'm never going to be an activity mom. 364 00:20:03,000 --> 00:20:06,760 Speaker 1: And that's okay. I'm a great mom, preach I'm not 365 00:20:06,800 --> 00:20:09,439 Speaker 1: a clean mom either. My house is a mess and 366 00:20:09,480 --> 00:20:12,840 Speaker 1: you know what, yeah no, so yeah, it's never gonna happen. 367 00:20:13,080 --> 00:20:15,920 Speaker 1: It's never gonna happen for me. And on the other side, 368 00:20:15,960 --> 00:20:18,080 Speaker 1: there are other moms out there that have they do 369 00:20:18,160 --> 00:20:20,919 Speaker 1: show that perfectly clean house on Instagram. You know, I 370 00:20:20,960 --> 00:20:22,639 Speaker 1: have a friend who's exactly that way, and she's a 371 00:20:22,680 --> 00:20:25,960 Speaker 1: really tidy everything is perfect, and yet her child will 372 00:20:26,000 --> 00:20:29,880 Speaker 1: only eat like pouches or waffles. That's her struggle. We 373 00:20:30,040 --> 00:20:33,400 Speaker 1: all have our struggle, and we all have our things 374 00:20:33,440 --> 00:20:35,960 Speaker 1: that we are good at. I love when mom's on 375 00:20:36,040 --> 00:20:39,800 Speaker 1: Instagram really show the reality of it though, like like 376 00:20:40,359 --> 00:20:43,880 Speaker 1: they tell their their truth, because the thing is you 377 00:20:43,960 --> 00:20:47,800 Speaker 1: are helping other moms with that. When you're painting this 378 00:20:47,920 --> 00:20:50,960 Speaker 1: perfect picture, which I used to do on Instagram before 379 00:20:51,000 --> 00:20:53,800 Speaker 1: the ship hit the fan of this pandemic, I feel 380 00:20:53,840 --> 00:20:56,520 Speaker 1: like I used to have a much more clean Instagram, 381 00:20:56,560 --> 00:20:59,680 Speaker 1: but now I feel like my house is messying every 382 00:20:59,680 --> 00:21:03,840 Speaker 1: picture share everything's a ship storm like and and that's 383 00:21:04,200 --> 00:21:07,560 Speaker 1: real and I think that's relatable absolutely. And Dina and 384 00:21:07,640 --> 00:21:10,480 Speaker 1: I when we started, we only started one year ago, 385 00:21:10,560 --> 00:21:14,280 Speaker 1: big little feelings, and at that time everyone had the 386 00:21:14,320 --> 00:21:18,000 Speaker 1: selfie ring light. They were very buttoned up tutorials. You know, 387 00:21:18,080 --> 00:21:22,240 Speaker 1: we are educators quote unquote. There was no swearing. The 388 00:21:22,320 --> 00:21:26,600 Speaker 1: backgrounds were perfectly clean, and we were like, listen, we're 389 00:21:26,600 --> 00:21:28,840 Speaker 1: gonna be us. We're gonna show mom buns. We're gonna 390 00:21:28,880 --> 00:21:32,040 Speaker 1: swear sometimes because Instagram is not for toddler's Instagram is 391 00:21:32,080 --> 00:21:35,399 Speaker 1: for moms. And when I had my first baby, I 392 00:21:35,480 --> 00:21:38,359 Speaker 1: was scrolling through Instagram. I loved all of the you know, 393 00:21:38,400 --> 00:21:42,520 Speaker 1: parent coaching and things like that space, but I had 394 00:21:42,600 --> 00:21:45,879 Speaker 1: postpartum anxiety. I didn't know any other moms. I didn't 395 00:21:45,880 --> 00:21:47,800 Speaker 1: see a single mom that looked like me. I didn't 396 00:21:47,800 --> 00:21:50,120 Speaker 1: see a single mom that sounded like me. I didn't 397 00:21:50,119 --> 00:21:53,600 Speaker 1: see a house that looked like mine. And it was devastating. 398 00:21:53,720 --> 00:21:57,000 Speaker 1: It was really hard, and we thought, listen, this this 399 00:21:57,320 --> 00:21:59,639 Speaker 1: may cause that we don't get any followers. It's just 400 00:21:59,680 --> 00:22:02,879 Speaker 1: gonna be our mom's being like girls, you're doing so good. Yeah, 401 00:22:02,960 --> 00:22:07,200 Speaker 1: but it was important to us to kind of break 402 00:22:07,240 --> 00:22:10,960 Speaker 1: the mold and be different and not show just perfection. 403 00:22:11,520 --> 00:22:14,800 Speaker 1: We share good days are bad days are like you know, 404 00:22:14,960 --> 00:22:18,880 Speaker 1: joyful days, and the days that were just crying messes, 405 00:22:18,960 --> 00:22:22,160 Speaker 1: we're just falling apart. That's so important. So we we 406 00:22:22,240 --> 00:22:26,679 Speaker 1: know that we need to set boundaries that guardrail. What 407 00:22:26,720 --> 00:22:31,600 Speaker 1: do we do? Clearly, young Toddler's distraction is the best 408 00:22:31,760 --> 00:22:36,600 Speaker 1: way in most cases, but if you've started thinking about 409 00:22:36,680 --> 00:22:42,119 Speaker 1: the word discipline or punishment. I feel like parents need 410 00:22:42,359 --> 00:22:46,159 Speaker 1: some guidance on this because it's it's really easy in 411 00:22:46,200 --> 00:22:50,280 Speaker 1: the moment to lose your temper. How would you define 412 00:22:51,000 --> 00:22:55,920 Speaker 1: discipline for a toddler, Well, let's break down punishment versus discipline, 413 00:22:55,920 --> 00:22:58,920 Speaker 1: because they're actually different, but they sometimes are used the same. 414 00:22:59,440 --> 00:23:04,480 Speaker 1: So fishman is when our reaction is designed to make 415 00:23:04,520 --> 00:23:08,200 Speaker 1: a kid feel scared or bad about themselves so that 416 00:23:08,240 --> 00:23:13,200 Speaker 1: they'll shift the behavior next time. Now, discipline, the real 417 00:23:13,320 --> 00:23:15,159 Speaker 1: meaning of it, the Latin route, if you want to 418 00:23:15,160 --> 00:23:18,199 Speaker 1: get really nerdy with me, really means to teach. We 419 00:23:18,320 --> 00:23:21,280 Speaker 1: are their life teachers. They've never done this before, this 420 00:23:21,320 --> 00:23:24,639 Speaker 1: whole life thing. It's new to them. And remember the 421 00:23:24,640 --> 00:23:26,920 Speaker 1: way their brains work. They may need like a hundred 422 00:23:26,960 --> 00:23:31,600 Speaker 1: reminders to get something that's okay. But discipline is really 423 00:23:31,640 --> 00:23:34,879 Speaker 1: we are teaching them how to do things differently. We 424 00:23:34,920 --> 00:23:38,280 Speaker 1: are teaching them how to understand their emotions, how to 425 00:23:38,400 --> 00:23:41,280 Speaker 1: understand what they want, what they need, and express it 426 00:23:41,760 --> 00:23:45,359 Speaker 1: in safe and healthy ways, which, by the way, becomes 427 00:23:45,480 --> 00:23:49,560 Speaker 1: lifelong skills for living with resilience completely because you are 428 00:23:49,680 --> 00:23:52,960 Speaker 1: going to be living with rules around you your entire life, 429 00:23:53,000 --> 00:23:55,359 Speaker 1: and you need to start learning at the beginning, and 430 00:23:55,400 --> 00:23:57,680 Speaker 1: you need to know right from wrong. And you are 431 00:23:58,119 --> 00:24:01,040 Speaker 1: your child's first and most important teacher, and that's one 432 00:24:01,080 --> 00:24:03,520 Speaker 1: of the most important things that you can teach. I 433 00:24:03,600 --> 00:24:06,200 Speaker 1: love how you say that. Sometimes some of those quote 434 00:24:06,280 --> 00:24:09,639 Speaker 1: unquote pushback I guess if you will, on gentle parenting 435 00:24:09,720 --> 00:24:11,359 Speaker 1: or positive parenting or whatever you want to say, And 436 00:24:11,359 --> 00:24:15,040 Speaker 1: it's it's just a huge misconception because I think that 437 00:24:15,119 --> 00:24:17,879 Speaker 1: what we are doing is actually setting them up to 438 00:24:17,920 --> 00:24:20,879 Speaker 1: be able to live in a realistic world with rules, 439 00:24:20,920 --> 00:24:25,560 Speaker 1: with expectations with others. When we look at how children 440 00:24:25,680 --> 00:24:28,760 Speaker 1: learn in schools, when we learn, how did you learn 441 00:24:28,800 --> 00:24:30,960 Speaker 1: when you went to college? How did you learn? Was 442 00:24:31,000 --> 00:24:33,520 Speaker 1: it fear based? Did somebody threaten to take away your home? 443 00:24:33,640 --> 00:24:36,560 Speaker 1: Did somebody threatened to take away your salary? If you 444 00:24:36,600 --> 00:24:38,880 Speaker 1: think about the best coach you've ever had, the best 445 00:24:38,920 --> 00:24:43,359 Speaker 1: boss you've ever had, were they incredibly domineering and shaming 446 00:24:43,760 --> 00:24:46,600 Speaker 1: or were there to make you feel like you were 447 00:24:46,680 --> 00:24:50,520 Speaker 1: valued and seen and they were there to help you 448 00:24:50,600 --> 00:24:53,320 Speaker 1: next time you made a mistake. Okay, this was a mistake. 449 00:24:53,359 --> 00:24:55,800 Speaker 1: They're very confident and permanent. They're not okay with it, 450 00:24:55,840 --> 00:24:57,880 Speaker 1: they don't allow it. But hey, what are we gonna 451 00:24:57,920 --> 00:24:59,760 Speaker 1: do next time and give you another shot? What is 452 00:24:59,800 --> 00:25:02,600 Speaker 1: your incentive, by the way, it's something positive, it's a bonus, 453 00:25:02,800 --> 00:25:07,320 Speaker 1: it's camaraderie, it's teamwork. And so it's so boggles my 454 00:25:07,359 --> 00:25:10,320 Speaker 1: mind a little bit that we treat children the opposite 455 00:25:10,680 --> 00:25:13,520 Speaker 1: and that we should be leading with punishment and fear. 456 00:25:14,040 --> 00:25:18,280 Speaker 1: When fear is a terrible teacher. It's a terrible teacher. 457 00:25:18,440 --> 00:25:22,159 Speaker 1: It actually studies show that it impacts long term learning, 458 00:25:22,240 --> 00:25:25,200 Speaker 1: and that's why we don't use punishments in schools anymore. 459 00:25:25,240 --> 00:25:27,960 Speaker 1: So why are we using them at home? And it 460 00:25:28,080 --> 00:25:31,280 Speaker 1: just doesn't teach them anything? How many times we hear 461 00:25:31,400 --> 00:25:33,840 Speaker 1: over and over, well I put my kid in the 462 00:25:33,960 --> 00:25:36,960 Speaker 1: time out. Well I spanked them for hitting, and it 463 00:25:37,160 --> 00:25:39,919 Speaker 1: stopped right that second, right, they you know, look at 464 00:25:39,960 --> 00:25:41,600 Speaker 1: you and you say, hey, I'm gonna put you in 465 00:25:41,640 --> 00:25:44,200 Speaker 1: a time out right then and there what is happening 466 00:25:44,280 --> 00:25:47,840 Speaker 1: is they freeze because of that fear. Right, you're threatening 467 00:25:47,960 --> 00:25:50,680 Speaker 1: and they're afraid. We don't need to be super dramatic, 468 00:25:50,800 --> 00:25:54,399 Speaker 1: but truly it's a fear. I don't want to go 469 00:25:54,440 --> 00:25:57,120 Speaker 1: do this, so no, and you stop and you freeze, 470 00:25:57,720 --> 00:26:00,240 Speaker 1: and then they go they go in the time out, 471 00:26:00,280 --> 00:26:03,160 Speaker 1: they have their punishment, and they come right back out 472 00:26:03,240 --> 00:26:05,119 Speaker 1: and they go over to baby sister and they smack 473 00:26:05,160 --> 00:26:08,560 Speaker 1: her right in the face. What just happened, right? And 474 00:26:08,600 --> 00:26:13,080 Speaker 1: that's because in that very one small moment, they will freeze. 475 00:26:13,119 --> 00:26:15,960 Speaker 1: I think that's why people are confused. It works, look, 476 00:26:16,000 --> 00:26:19,359 Speaker 1: it works, but it doesn't work long term. It doesn't 477 00:26:19,520 --> 00:26:22,520 Speaker 1: teach them how to not hit baby sister. It taught 478 00:26:22,560 --> 00:26:24,760 Speaker 1: them in this moment, don't do this or else. Well, 479 00:26:24,800 --> 00:26:27,120 Speaker 1: in terms of time out, it's not like they can 480 00:26:27,119 --> 00:26:29,719 Speaker 1: sit there and think about what they've done, because you know, 481 00:26:29,960 --> 00:26:34,880 Speaker 1: that's like way above their pay right right. I mean 482 00:26:34,920 --> 00:26:37,439 Speaker 1: maybe in a much later date they can go to 483 00:26:37,480 --> 00:26:39,439 Speaker 1: the room and think about what they've done. But no, 484 00:26:39,800 --> 00:26:41,879 Speaker 1: no two year old can't do that. My dad, by 485 00:26:41,920 --> 00:26:44,040 Speaker 1: the way, we we had time outs in our house, 486 00:26:44,040 --> 00:26:47,680 Speaker 1: and he was really proud because like he wasn't spanking right. 487 00:26:47,760 --> 00:26:50,000 Speaker 1: It was like, we do this really awesome thing called 488 00:26:50,040 --> 00:26:52,680 Speaker 1: time out. And I would just go into my room 489 00:26:52,840 --> 00:26:55,720 Speaker 1: for however long, and I would be steaming. I'd be 490 00:26:55,880 --> 00:26:58,879 Speaker 1: so mad, plotting about how I'm going to get them back. 491 00:26:59,119 --> 00:27:01,080 Speaker 1: I'm gonna cold show older than when I come out 492 00:27:01,080 --> 00:27:04,359 Speaker 1: of this room. And like do bad things, and I 493 00:27:04,400 --> 00:27:07,760 Speaker 1: didn't think about what I did wrong at all. Right, 494 00:27:07,840 --> 00:27:10,879 Speaker 1: I didn't really learn anything. But I think that's a 495 00:27:10,920 --> 00:27:13,680 Speaker 1: really big point too, is when we're talking about a 496 00:27:13,800 --> 00:27:18,239 Speaker 1: parent child relationship and building tools and building trust and 497 00:27:18,280 --> 00:27:22,919 Speaker 1: building authenticity. I mean, when we send our kids away 498 00:27:22,920 --> 00:27:26,160 Speaker 1: to time out when they've quote unquote done something wrong, 499 00:27:26,560 --> 00:27:30,560 Speaker 1: we teach them that big feelings really aren't welcome in 500 00:27:30,560 --> 00:27:34,360 Speaker 1: this house, and we miss the opportunity to teach them 501 00:27:34,400 --> 00:27:37,280 Speaker 1: how to handle a big feeling next time, which is 502 00:27:37,320 --> 00:27:42,000 Speaker 1: that lifelong skill. What is your takeaway when they slug 503 00:27:42,920 --> 00:27:47,560 Speaker 1: punch saying for hitting, Yeah, well we'll see them. Well, okay, 504 00:27:47,560 --> 00:27:50,680 Speaker 1: the feeling. It's okay to feel mad, bringing a boundary, 505 00:27:50,880 --> 00:27:53,600 Speaker 1: it's not okay to hit when we're mad, I'm going 506 00:27:53,640 --> 00:27:56,199 Speaker 1: to move baby to keep her safe, or I'm going 507 00:27:56,240 --> 00:28:00,560 Speaker 1: to move my body to keep everyone safe. And then 508 00:28:00,720 --> 00:28:04,080 Speaker 1: later at a calm time when their brains can actually 509 00:28:04,119 --> 00:28:07,560 Speaker 1: take in information, because just like us as adults, when 510 00:28:07,600 --> 00:28:11,400 Speaker 1: we are highly emotional, nothing's coming in. It's just how 511 00:28:11,440 --> 00:28:14,880 Speaker 1: your brain works. You can't talk, you can't reason, use logic, 512 00:28:15,000 --> 00:28:18,240 Speaker 1: think learn. So then when they're calm, we want to 513 00:28:18,320 --> 00:28:21,119 Speaker 1: revisit and say, oh, you are so mad when the 514 00:28:21,119 --> 00:28:23,879 Speaker 1: baby knocked over your blocks. I get it. That is 515 00:28:23,960 --> 00:28:27,159 Speaker 1: so frustrating. What can we do next time instead of 516 00:28:27,200 --> 00:28:30,639 Speaker 1: pushing her? And that's where we start to teach and 517 00:28:30,680 --> 00:28:34,840 Speaker 1: practice the coping skills. We often see or think that 518 00:28:34,920 --> 00:28:37,520 Speaker 1: when a toddler or when a kid does something bad, 519 00:28:37,640 --> 00:28:42,560 Speaker 1: that that warrants a bad response, a big punishment, a 520 00:28:42,640 --> 00:28:45,840 Speaker 1: big reaction, even if it's not a time out. Perhaps 521 00:28:45,920 --> 00:28:48,680 Speaker 1: we want to walk over, grab their arms and look 522 00:28:48,720 --> 00:28:52,040 Speaker 1: hum in the eyes and go no, no hitting. And 523 00:28:52,240 --> 00:28:56,320 Speaker 1: it's actually the opposite because a what is in post 524 00:28:56,320 --> 00:29:00,360 Speaker 1: control layman strums that means hitting. It's like angry, Oh 525 00:29:00,480 --> 00:29:04,440 Speaker 1: hit right, that's normal for toddlers. First of all that perspective, 526 00:29:04,840 --> 00:29:09,040 Speaker 1: and then knowing that our toddlers especially, but all kids 527 00:29:09,080 --> 00:29:13,080 Speaker 1: are desperate and I love our attention. They love it. 528 00:29:13,440 --> 00:29:16,560 Speaker 1: Their dream is for us when we're washing the dishes 529 00:29:17,040 --> 00:29:20,360 Speaker 1: pop up up and they hit their baby sister. Their 530 00:29:20,480 --> 00:29:23,960 Speaker 1: dream scenario is we turn off the water, we walk 531 00:29:24,040 --> 00:29:27,880 Speaker 1: over to them, we give them attention and look really like, 532 00:29:28,000 --> 00:29:30,440 Speaker 1: look in them in the eyes, and now we're focused 533 00:29:30,480 --> 00:29:35,280 Speaker 1: on them, even if it's negative attention. Now they've thought, oh, okay, 534 00:29:35,360 --> 00:29:37,600 Speaker 1: I know how to get mommy to come over here 535 00:29:37,600 --> 00:29:41,680 Speaker 1: and pay attention to me. And so, like Dina said, 536 00:29:41,840 --> 00:29:46,960 Speaker 1: staying incredibly calm and having that perspective, Hey, toddler's hit, 537 00:29:47,440 --> 00:29:50,240 Speaker 1: Let's try to teach them to not hit in the future. Right, 538 00:29:50,280 --> 00:29:53,120 Speaker 1: this is what we're gonna work on. Calm, cool, It's 539 00:29:53,160 --> 00:29:56,520 Speaker 1: okay to feel angry because it is contain them in 540 00:29:56,560 --> 00:29:59,160 Speaker 1: that moment. Is the only goal in that moment is 541 00:29:59,200 --> 00:30:02,040 Speaker 1: to keep everyone's safe. I'm keeping everyone safe now and 542 00:30:02,080 --> 00:30:05,200 Speaker 1: then teaching those coping skills. And so that brings us 543 00:30:05,280 --> 00:30:10,400 Speaker 1: to tantrums naturally, because when there are so many triggers 544 00:30:10,440 --> 00:30:13,480 Speaker 1: of tantrums that if we start to identify, we can 545 00:30:13,800 --> 00:30:16,120 Speaker 1: prevent some of them, not all of them. Some of 546 00:30:16,160 --> 00:30:20,640 Speaker 1: them are completely necessary. Part of you know, toddler behavior happens, 547 00:30:20,720 --> 00:30:23,480 Speaker 1: and you know, you can't prevent all tantrums, but you 548 00:30:23,520 --> 00:30:25,720 Speaker 1: can prevent them. And one of the ways to do that, 549 00:30:26,280 --> 00:30:30,360 Speaker 1: I would say, is paying attention before now. You can't 550 00:30:30,400 --> 00:30:34,800 Speaker 1: always obviously, parents sometimes don't realize that that negative attention 551 00:30:34,880 --> 00:30:38,160 Speaker 1: is better than no attention. As you said, um, and 552 00:30:38,280 --> 00:30:42,200 Speaker 1: when you say on your phone, you're not paying attention 553 00:30:42,240 --> 00:30:46,320 Speaker 1: in the store. Well, what happens the kid wants some attention, 554 00:30:46,520 --> 00:30:49,800 Speaker 1: They're going to scream for it. That's part of it, right, 555 00:30:50,280 --> 00:30:53,480 Speaker 1: It's true. Yeah, and you well, what would the other 556 00:30:53,760 --> 00:30:56,800 Speaker 1: triggers you would say? I would say one that I 557 00:30:56,840 --> 00:31:00,040 Speaker 1: think we lose track of is are we kind of 558 00:31:00,080 --> 00:31:04,400 Speaker 1: dictating ish all day long? Are we like no, no, no, no, no, 559 00:31:04,440 --> 00:31:06,000 Speaker 1: this way, this way, this way, this way, this way, 560 00:31:06,040 --> 00:31:08,840 Speaker 1: this way. A great way to prevent a tantrum is, 561 00:31:08,880 --> 00:31:12,480 Speaker 1: like we were saying, to making those big adult decisions, right, 562 00:31:12,560 --> 00:31:15,200 Speaker 1: it's time for bedtime, it's time for potty, it's this. 563 00:31:15,640 --> 00:31:19,440 Speaker 1: But making your toddler feel involved and in control of 564 00:31:19,480 --> 00:31:24,640 Speaker 1: the situation. Giving them they love power age appropriate power, though, 565 00:31:24,720 --> 00:31:27,520 Speaker 1: is the key, right. And so I can't tell you 566 00:31:27,760 --> 00:31:30,680 Speaker 1: how many times that if that checklist is truly there, 567 00:31:31,040 --> 00:31:34,080 Speaker 1: I can't tell you how many tantrums we can avoid 568 00:31:34,160 --> 00:31:37,240 Speaker 1: by making our kids feel involved. Right, If you're barking 569 00:31:37,280 --> 00:31:39,280 Speaker 1: at them and it's like you're not going fast enough 570 00:31:39,280 --> 00:31:42,840 Speaker 1: get your shoes on right now, we're heightened and they're 571 00:31:42,840 --> 00:31:45,400 Speaker 1: gonna heighten and we're gonna explode. If we say, hey, 572 00:31:45,400 --> 00:31:47,239 Speaker 1: it's time for shoes now, how fast can you go? 573 00:31:47,360 --> 00:31:50,200 Speaker 1: Could you get blue shoes or red shoes. You choose, 574 00:31:50,280 --> 00:31:52,920 Speaker 1: do you like? Yeah? I like that choice. And giving 575 00:31:52,920 --> 00:31:56,440 Speaker 1: them a little bit of age appropriate power is key 576 00:31:56,480 --> 00:32:00,000 Speaker 1: before anything, we're to even go south. And a circle 577 00:32:00,120 --> 00:32:02,680 Speaker 1: back on what you were saying before too, which is 578 00:32:02,720 --> 00:32:06,200 Speaker 1: like any time we see an uptick in unwanted behavior, 579 00:32:07,160 --> 00:32:11,480 Speaker 1: we can almost fill up their attention tank proactively in 580 00:32:11,520 --> 00:32:14,200 Speaker 1: a positive way. And we call this the ten minute miracle. 581 00:32:14,760 --> 00:32:18,320 Speaker 1: So carve out ten minutes a day, every day something 582 00:32:18,360 --> 00:32:21,080 Speaker 1: they can count on. Give it a special name. Maybe 583 00:32:21,280 --> 00:32:24,520 Speaker 1: you know my baby's hunter. It's mama hunter time, and 584 00:32:24,600 --> 00:32:26,920 Speaker 1: he's going to get to pick what activity we do. 585 00:32:27,120 --> 00:32:29,760 Speaker 1: I put my phone down, there's no siblings. He gets 586 00:32:29,840 --> 00:32:33,960 Speaker 1: my full attention, no teaching, no correcting him, and he 587 00:32:34,000 --> 00:32:36,800 Speaker 1: can just soak up my love and attention. And a 588 00:32:36,840 --> 00:32:39,800 Speaker 1: lot of times, when we do this consistently, you will 589 00:32:39,840 --> 00:32:42,160 Speaker 1: start to see a change in behavior. You'll see the 590 00:32:42,240 --> 00:32:45,720 Speaker 1: hitting kind of mellow out, whatever it is. And this 591 00:32:45,760 --> 00:32:48,120 Speaker 1: is especially helpful if there have been you know, like 592 00:32:48,160 --> 00:32:51,120 Speaker 1: big life changes like new baby in the house or 593 00:32:51,560 --> 00:32:54,400 Speaker 1: you know you're moving. You know, even I sometimes will 594 00:32:54,440 --> 00:32:58,840 Speaker 1: forget how powerful this really is. And that's because people 595 00:32:58,880 --> 00:33:01,040 Speaker 1: are like well, I'm with my kid all day long, Like, no, 596 00:33:01,200 --> 00:33:04,880 Speaker 1: absolutely not. This isn't gonna work. It is so different. 597 00:33:05,120 --> 00:33:07,480 Speaker 1: And this works for spouses too. By the way, I 598 00:33:07,560 --> 00:33:10,160 Speaker 1: always like to use this analogy of I don't know 599 00:33:10,160 --> 00:33:12,400 Speaker 1: about you, but after my kids go to bed, we're 600 00:33:12,400 --> 00:33:15,320 Speaker 1: on Netflix, we're on our phones, were scrolling, and we 601 00:33:15,360 --> 00:33:20,640 Speaker 1: haven't actually like communicated or looked at each other or 602 00:33:20,760 --> 00:33:24,880 Speaker 1: felt connected at all. And they keep happening, right, So 603 00:33:25,160 --> 00:33:27,480 Speaker 1: that happens at least in my house as as a 604 00:33:27,560 --> 00:33:30,520 Speaker 1: prior stay at home mom. And now to we're shuffling, 605 00:33:30,560 --> 00:33:33,720 Speaker 1: we're doing dishes, baby needs this, baby does that ten 606 00:33:33,880 --> 00:33:37,200 Speaker 1: minutes literally of just there's no siblings, there's no one 607 00:33:37,200 --> 00:33:40,360 Speaker 1: else in the world. It is so different. I can't 608 00:33:40,400 --> 00:33:43,440 Speaker 1: even tell you how different that special ten minute time is. 609 00:33:43,520 --> 00:33:45,680 Speaker 1: And it's kind of cool for us parents too. It's 610 00:33:45,720 --> 00:33:49,680 Speaker 1: like we're not fighting. Nobody is like struggling against me. 611 00:33:49,800 --> 00:33:52,240 Speaker 1: It's just like you pick what we're doing and let's 612 00:33:52,240 --> 00:33:55,120 Speaker 1: have this time. It's it's a game changer, it really is. 613 00:33:55,320 --> 00:33:59,920 Speaker 1: Even sometimes a hug, a cuddle, even when a tantrum 614 00:34:00,120 --> 00:34:05,200 Speaker 1: starting to happen. And this goes for relationships too. If 615 00:34:05,240 --> 00:34:09,560 Speaker 1: you have touched. Then you melt down all of these 616 00:34:09,640 --> 00:34:13,040 Speaker 1: angry feelings, not all of them, but you can. It's 617 00:34:13,040 --> 00:34:15,920 Speaker 1: a potential to melt away some of those feelings. It 618 00:34:15,960 --> 00:34:20,160 Speaker 1: doesn't necessarily work every kid every time, but it can work. 619 00:34:20,200 --> 00:34:22,400 Speaker 1: And you know what, we like to even say offering 620 00:34:22,640 --> 00:34:25,400 Speaker 1: a hug. Right even the other day, I was really upset. 621 00:34:25,440 --> 00:34:28,480 Speaker 1: I was crying a lot, and I typically don't like 622 00:34:28,600 --> 00:34:30,720 Speaker 1: to be touched. And that's the same with our kids. 623 00:34:30,920 --> 00:34:34,319 Speaker 1: My my youngest does not like touch She's just like me, 624 00:34:34,719 --> 00:34:36,960 Speaker 1: and that's okay, but I always offer it and I'm 625 00:34:37,160 --> 00:34:39,080 Speaker 1: I'm here if you need me, and it's okay to 626 00:34:39,120 --> 00:34:58,000 Speaker 1: be sad. The key Adina and christ and are making 627 00:34:58,320 --> 00:35:01,840 Speaker 1: is don't be a cave mom. You don't cave. Instead, 628 00:35:01,920 --> 00:35:05,359 Speaker 1: you set these expectations and you follow through as much 629 00:35:05,400 --> 00:35:07,960 Speaker 1: as you possibly can. And you know what, I used 630 00:35:08,000 --> 00:35:10,320 Speaker 1: to think that that was like for the well being 631 00:35:10,400 --> 00:35:13,399 Speaker 1: of long term in thirty years and you know, funk 632 00:35:13,480 --> 00:35:16,600 Speaker 1: that I need to have this crying stop now what 633 00:35:16,760 --> 00:35:20,200 Speaker 1: I found as now being a mom of two childlers, 634 00:35:20,239 --> 00:35:22,920 Speaker 1: I will tell you as hard as it is in 635 00:35:22,960 --> 00:35:27,080 Speaker 1: that moment, it is I can speak from experience ten 636 00:35:27,360 --> 00:35:31,319 Speaker 1: thousand times harder in your day to day life when 637 00:35:31,360 --> 00:35:34,520 Speaker 1: you're just giving in because it is chaos and they 638 00:35:34,560 --> 00:35:38,000 Speaker 1: are screaming and they are demanding and you are screaming 639 00:35:38,280 --> 00:35:41,120 Speaker 1: and back and forth. And so my main motivation in 640 00:35:41,160 --> 00:35:44,279 Speaker 1: these moments is, yes, this moment is hard, but this 641 00:35:44,360 --> 00:35:47,960 Speaker 1: moment will last two minutes. Like today, Okay, we're testing 642 00:35:48,000 --> 00:35:50,920 Speaker 1: on the car seat battle. If I do this now 643 00:35:51,440 --> 00:35:53,360 Speaker 1: and I let her run around the car and go 644 00:35:53,440 --> 00:35:56,560 Speaker 1: back and forth and okay, please, okay, this, okay, that, Okay, 645 00:35:56,560 --> 00:35:59,840 Speaker 1: the five more minutes. I know that every day and 646 00:36:00,080 --> 00:36:01,520 Speaker 1: every time we want to get in a car seat, 647 00:36:01,920 --> 00:36:04,879 Speaker 1: until I rein it in and decide to it will 648 00:36:04,960 --> 00:36:10,439 Speaker 1: be chaos and a nightmare. And so my main motivation is, yes, 649 00:36:10,520 --> 00:36:13,040 Speaker 1: it's hard in these two minutes or three minutes or 650 00:36:13,080 --> 00:36:15,839 Speaker 1: four minutes, but overall, your whole life and your whole 651 00:36:15,920 --> 00:36:19,440 Speaker 1: day to day life is so much calmer, more manageable. 652 00:36:19,600 --> 00:36:22,239 Speaker 1: That's the motivation for me. That's going to be my 653 00:36:22,320 --> 00:36:27,440 Speaker 1: motivation to exactly exactly. We're all set and we're going 654 00:36:27,480 --> 00:36:32,640 Speaker 1: to check back in with you tomorrow, Emma. So, not surprisingly, 655 00:36:32,680 --> 00:36:36,560 Speaker 1: Emma is not alone. There are many menu moms of 656 00:36:36,600 --> 00:36:40,759 Speaker 1: toddlers at what to expect, and they brought with them 657 00:36:41,080 --> 00:36:44,480 Speaker 1: all of their questions, you know, even beyond the temper 658 00:36:44,560 --> 00:36:48,600 Speaker 1: tantums and the biting and the hitting. One of course 659 00:36:48,719 --> 00:36:51,920 Speaker 1: that you here every day is about picky eaters. And 660 00:36:52,520 --> 00:36:55,440 Speaker 1: these moms are wondering, how do you negotiate a balanced 661 00:36:55,440 --> 00:37:00,440 Speaker 1: die with a toddler who doesn't want to eat in anything? Yeah, well, 662 00:37:01,239 --> 00:37:04,640 Speaker 1: I love this question because the answer is you don't. 663 00:37:04,960 --> 00:37:11,279 Speaker 1: You don't negotiate with a toddler in general, in general, right, 664 00:37:11,640 --> 00:37:13,879 Speaker 1: you don't. And and that doesn't mean you don't let 665 00:37:13,880 --> 00:37:16,640 Speaker 1: them have feedback, because, like what we've learned is it 666 00:37:16,719 --> 00:37:20,720 Speaker 1: goes back to the same things. We are calm, confident leaders. 667 00:37:20,880 --> 00:37:23,319 Speaker 1: We decide when we're eating, We decide what is on 668 00:37:23,360 --> 00:37:25,880 Speaker 1: the menu, and perhaps we want to give them a 669 00:37:25,920 --> 00:37:27,440 Speaker 1: choice like do you want the purple plate or the 670 00:37:27,440 --> 00:37:29,759 Speaker 1: pink plate? Do you want this or do you want that? 671 00:37:30,360 --> 00:37:33,799 Speaker 1: And what we like to do is always include one 672 00:37:34,040 --> 00:37:37,839 Speaker 1: safe food, especially for picky eaters already okay, because if 673 00:37:37,840 --> 00:37:40,000 Speaker 1: you put a plate in front of them. And my 674 00:37:40,080 --> 00:37:42,400 Speaker 1: kids are great eaters, I mean, but great is a 675 00:37:42,440 --> 00:37:44,279 Speaker 1: relative term. My kids like to eat a lot of 676 00:37:44,320 --> 00:37:46,239 Speaker 1: stuff because I've done a lot of these strategies. So 677 00:37:46,280 --> 00:37:48,960 Speaker 1: they'll eat sushi, they'll eat asparagus, they'll do this. But 678 00:37:49,840 --> 00:37:52,840 Speaker 1: if that sushi is different than the sushi that they like, 679 00:37:53,239 --> 00:37:54,920 Speaker 1: they're not gonna eat it. They're gonna pitch a fit 680 00:37:54,960 --> 00:37:57,799 Speaker 1: if the asparagus is different. So it all is just 681 00:37:57,880 --> 00:38:01,400 Speaker 1: a toddler thing of when there is one safe food, 682 00:38:01,600 --> 00:38:05,719 Speaker 1: they feel safe to explore those other foods, and you, 683 00:38:05,840 --> 00:38:09,400 Speaker 1: as a parent, feel confident, calm, and you're not going 684 00:38:09,440 --> 00:38:12,680 Speaker 1: to negotiate because you know there is one food on 685 00:38:12,719 --> 00:38:15,640 Speaker 1: their plate that they like. So let's say it's blueberries. 686 00:38:15,920 --> 00:38:17,960 Speaker 1: You know they're not going to starve. I see a 687 00:38:18,000 --> 00:38:20,920 Speaker 1: lot of parents try to do the negotiating or the pleading, 688 00:38:21,320 --> 00:38:23,440 Speaker 1: or the airplane or that this or that, or go 689 00:38:23,560 --> 00:38:25,439 Speaker 1: back and forth and oh you don't like the blue 690 00:38:25,440 --> 00:38:27,239 Speaker 1: but okay, I'll get you something else. We know they 691 00:38:27,280 --> 00:38:29,600 Speaker 1: like blueberries. It's on their plate. They're not going to start. 692 00:38:29,680 --> 00:38:31,839 Speaker 1: They can always have the blueberries. And when you put 693 00:38:31,840 --> 00:38:34,799 Speaker 1: that plate down and they say, oh yucky, you say 694 00:38:34,840 --> 00:38:37,120 Speaker 1: that's okay, you don't have to eat it. There is 695 00:38:37,160 --> 00:38:40,200 Speaker 1: no pressure. There are so many studies that Diana and 696 00:38:40,200 --> 00:38:45,439 Speaker 1: I just rifle through that are increased pressure leads directly 697 00:38:45,520 --> 00:38:49,600 Speaker 1: to picky eating. So parents strategies they think that what 698 00:38:49,640 --> 00:38:53,480 Speaker 1: they're doing is helping the begging and the pleading or 699 00:38:53,560 --> 00:38:56,080 Speaker 1: following them around or they sort of that, and you're 700 00:38:56,239 --> 00:38:59,759 Speaker 1: directly leading to picky eating. And when you do at 701 00:38:59,800 --> 00:39:03,120 Speaker 1: no pressure approach, we call it play it cool and 702 00:39:03,239 --> 00:39:06,080 Speaker 1: you put it down and that's like, this is your food, 703 00:39:06,320 --> 00:39:08,279 Speaker 1: this is what we're having today, this is what's on 704 00:39:08,320 --> 00:39:11,360 Speaker 1: the menu. Knowing there's a safe food that is the 705 00:39:11,400 --> 00:39:13,920 Speaker 1: best strategy. And then you just back off. You just 706 00:39:13,960 --> 00:39:16,880 Speaker 1: relaxed and you tell them listen to your body. That's okay. 707 00:39:16,920 --> 00:39:19,200 Speaker 1: That's it. It's that simple. Yeah, it's not like when 708 00:39:19,239 --> 00:39:21,640 Speaker 1: you're in a restaurant the waiters like standing over you 709 00:39:21,719 --> 00:39:25,080 Speaker 1: saying one more bite, just one more bite. Can you 710 00:39:25,120 --> 00:39:27,520 Speaker 1: imagine even when my husband does that, when he's like, 711 00:39:27,520 --> 00:39:29,440 Speaker 1: you're gonna love this. I know it. I know you're 712 00:39:29,480 --> 00:39:31,160 Speaker 1: like this, and I'm like, I don't feel like eating 713 00:39:31,200 --> 00:39:33,160 Speaker 1: this right now. I'm not going to try it, Like 714 00:39:33,320 --> 00:39:35,439 Speaker 1: I don't want to. He's like, well, you never know, 715 00:39:35,480 --> 00:39:37,439 Speaker 1: because you even tried allives in two years, you should 716 00:39:37,440 --> 00:39:39,120 Speaker 1: try all I'm like, I don't want an olive, right 717 00:39:39,160 --> 00:39:43,040 Speaker 1: but you know, it literally makes sense that we're staring 718 00:39:43,080 --> 00:39:45,480 Speaker 1: somebody in the face and being like one more bite. 719 00:39:45,520 --> 00:39:47,080 Speaker 1: Of course it would be like I'm all done, Like 720 00:39:47,120 --> 00:39:49,279 Speaker 1: I don't want this anymore. I'm done. I don't want 721 00:39:49,280 --> 00:39:53,319 Speaker 1: to eat if you're staring at me exactly. And I 722 00:39:53,360 --> 00:39:56,120 Speaker 1: think it's also you said how many times you know 723 00:39:56,200 --> 00:39:59,440 Speaker 1: they eat? That's your decision and what they eat, but 724 00:39:59,520 --> 00:40:02,760 Speaker 1: also are they eat. They should be eating sitting down 725 00:40:02,840 --> 00:40:06,680 Speaker 1: and not like eating on the run, because you know, 726 00:40:06,800 --> 00:40:09,040 Speaker 1: meal time is something that takes place in a set 727 00:40:09,040 --> 00:40:14,520 Speaker 1: of position. It's much safer, but it's also socially acceptable 728 00:40:14,680 --> 00:40:17,279 Speaker 1: place to eat, and it builds the foundation for good, 729 00:40:17,320 --> 00:40:20,360 Speaker 1: healthy eating habits. And it's not surprising that toddlers resist 730 00:40:20,480 --> 00:40:24,719 Speaker 1: high chairs because they don't like being cooped up, you know, 731 00:40:24,800 --> 00:40:28,239 Speaker 1: baby's love. That's like the highlight of their day is 732 00:40:28,320 --> 00:40:34,200 Speaker 1: trying new foods. And then they turn toddlers and game changer. Yeah, 733 00:40:34,320 --> 00:40:36,000 Speaker 1: and you know it's actually a part of like the 734 00:40:36,080 --> 00:40:38,840 Speaker 1: evolutionary process is that if a toddler was in the 735 00:40:38,840 --> 00:40:41,480 Speaker 1: wild and they see something new, this is something that's 736 00:40:41,480 --> 00:40:43,480 Speaker 1: going to keep them safe because they're like, oh, is 737 00:40:43,480 --> 00:40:46,399 Speaker 1: this poisonous? Is this not so coming? At it. This 738 00:40:46,480 --> 00:40:49,279 Speaker 1: is literally what they're supposed to do. They're supposed to 739 00:40:49,440 --> 00:40:52,480 Speaker 1: question anything new on their plate. Research shows it can 740 00:40:52,520 --> 00:40:56,160 Speaker 1: take up to a hundred exposures of something new. So 741 00:40:56,960 --> 00:40:59,600 Speaker 1: it takes the pressure of a parent to be like, listen, 742 00:40:59,719 --> 00:41:02,439 Speaker 1: put a safe food on a plate. Try giving them 743 00:41:02,480 --> 00:41:05,359 Speaker 1: new things. And it is not your job to get 744 00:41:05,400 --> 00:41:08,680 Speaker 1: them to eat. It's your job to build the plate, 745 00:41:09,040 --> 00:41:11,120 Speaker 1: give a safe food, but it in front of them, 746 00:41:11,320 --> 00:41:13,120 Speaker 1: and then you did your job. Then you let go. 747 00:41:13,280 --> 00:41:16,040 Speaker 1: There's nothing else for you to do. Exactly. We decide 748 00:41:16,040 --> 00:41:18,080 Speaker 1: what's on the menu, and they decide how much goes 749 00:41:18,120 --> 00:41:22,000 Speaker 1: in their body. Exactly. Okay, let's say bed time. How 750 00:41:22,000 --> 00:41:25,319 Speaker 1: do we make bed time not a nightmare? Yeah? Well, 751 00:41:25,320 --> 00:41:28,160 Speaker 1: one thing they can do is create a chart, a 752 00:41:28,239 --> 00:41:31,880 Speaker 1: bedtime chart that's a visual aid, something they can see 753 00:41:31,920 --> 00:41:35,279 Speaker 1: that lists out the steps that need to happen. So 754 00:41:35,320 --> 00:41:38,440 Speaker 1: we're gonna put the words it's you know, brush your 755 00:41:38,440 --> 00:41:41,239 Speaker 1: teeth and there's a picture of brushing teeth, put on 756 00:41:41,280 --> 00:41:45,000 Speaker 1: your jammy's picture of jammies so that they can fall along. 757 00:41:45,640 --> 00:41:48,880 Speaker 1: And then we want to give them age appropriate power 758 00:41:49,000 --> 00:41:52,960 Speaker 1: here again so that they feel involved, like it's their choice. 759 00:41:53,680 --> 00:41:56,279 Speaker 1: They get to put a check after each step or 760 00:41:56,320 --> 00:41:59,200 Speaker 1: put a sticker on that chart after they do each step, 761 00:41:59,280 --> 00:42:01,800 Speaker 1: so that we can say, okay, you brush your teeth. 762 00:42:02,040 --> 00:42:04,759 Speaker 1: What's next? You tell me, and they run to the 763 00:42:04,840 --> 00:42:08,080 Speaker 1: chart say okay, it's time for jammies. Let's do it. 764 00:42:08,760 --> 00:42:11,120 Speaker 1: So that's one way to get them involved so that 765 00:42:11,160 --> 00:42:17,239 Speaker 1: they're not in pushback mode during collaboration mode. That's awesome, Okay, bathtime. 766 00:42:17,880 --> 00:42:21,759 Speaker 1: Some toddlers love bath Some toddlers don't want to get in. 767 00:42:21,920 --> 00:42:25,960 Speaker 1: Some tiddlers don't want to get out. What are your thoughts? Yeah, 768 00:42:26,080 --> 00:42:28,520 Speaker 1: especially with the getting out. It comes back to being 769 00:42:28,520 --> 00:42:31,800 Speaker 1: that calm, confident leader. So it's a little bit trickier 770 00:42:31,840 --> 00:42:34,400 Speaker 1: to get them in right, it's like a slippery wet 771 00:42:34,840 --> 00:42:38,040 Speaker 1: fish over you know. But getting getting them out is 772 00:42:38,040 --> 00:42:40,920 Speaker 1: an easier answer. And that is I hear you're upset, 773 00:42:41,040 --> 00:42:43,480 Speaker 1: you want that more bathtime. Bathtime is all done. Now, 774 00:42:43,520 --> 00:42:47,360 Speaker 1: we'll do more bathtime tomorrow. And confidently holding that boundary 775 00:42:47,400 --> 00:42:50,960 Speaker 1: because now we realize, okay, when mom says bath time 776 00:42:51,040 --> 00:42:52,640 Speaker 1: is all done, bath time is all done. That's the 777 00:42:52,680 --> 00:42:56,040 Speaker 1: same consistency every night. We're always getting out at the 778 00:42:56,080 --> 00:43:00,200 Speaker 1: same time. That's an easier one. The resisting bath time 779 00:43:00,480 --> 00:43:04,080 Speaker 1: is pretty tough because it's it's hygiene. You gotta do it. 780 00:43:04,080 --> 00:43:08,480 Speaker 1: It's non negotiable. Um, what we don't want to do is, Okay, 781 00:43:08,480 --> 00:43:14,120 Speaker 1: find no bath tonight because my main motivation, yes, I 782 00:43:14,120 --> 00:43:16,680 Speaker 1: want healthy kids. I want resilient kids in thirty years. 783 00:43:16,680 --> 00:43:18,880 Speaker 1: But my main motivation when I'm like, oh, should I 784 00:43:18,920 --> 00:43:21,360 Speaker 1: just should I just skip bathtige tonight and I'm like, Nope, 785 00:43:21,440 --> 00:43:23,480 Speaker 1: it's gonna be a fresh nightmare for the next thirty 786 00:43:23,640 --> 00:43:26,000 Speaker 1: sixty ninety days. I Am not going to do that. 787 00:43:26,040 --> 00:43:28,560 Speaker 1: What I'm gonna do is I'm gonna I'm gonna tackle 788 00:43:28,640 --> 00:43:31,640 Speaker 1: this today. I mean, I have to do it tonight. 789 00:43:32,239 --> 00:43:35,400 Speaker 1: I know, girl, Oh you're gonna need to text me. 790 00:43:35,440 --> 00:43:40,080 Speaker 1: I'm like your support, your like your sponsor. I would 791 00:43:40,080 --> 00:43:42,799 Speaker 1: get creative. I mean, at first, right, what we're trying 792 00:43:42,880 --> 00:43:45,840 Speaker 1: to overcome is this this cycle that now we have 793 00:43:45,960 --> 00:43:50,959 Speaker 1: gotten ourselves into. And so my recommendation at first would 794 00:43:51,000 --> 00:43:54,160 Speaker 1: be whatever fun thing we need to do at first 795 00:43:54,239 --> 00:43:58,319 Speaker 1: to break this cycle. And also then it is non 796 00:43:58,400 --> 00:44:00,680 Speaker 1: negotiable too. But if we can make it fun in 797 00:44:00,719 --> 00:44:04,560 Speaker 1: that process and it becomes habit every single day, then 798 00:44:04,840 --> 00:44:06,720 Speaker 1: you know we don't have to keep upping the antie 799 00:44:06,719 --> 00:44:08,680 Speaker 1: of like what comes to my mind is like popsical 800 00:44:08,719 --> 00:44:12,480 Speaker 1: batho or like my kids I do like um, it's 801 00:44:12,480 --> 00:44:15,520 Speaker 1: really subtle and very weird, but it's not that weird. 802 00:44:15,800 --> 00:44:19,440 Speaker 1: But baking soda is actually very helpful for diaper rash, 803 00:44:19,680 --> 00:44:22,080 Speaker 1: and so I used to put it in babies bathtime. 804 00:44:22,520 --> 00:44:24,759 Speaker 1: Now we call it snow. So sometimes when we have 805 00:44:24,800 --> 00:44:27,480 Speaker 1: bathtime struggles, I'll put the snow on the lid of 806 00:44:27,520 --> 00:44:30,560 Speaker 1: the bathtub. You could even put like food coloring in it, whatever, 807 00:44:31,200 --> 00:44:33,600 Speaker 1: and I would try to keep it fun, like something 808 00:44:33,680 --> 00:44:35,960 Speaker 1: novel and fun, just to get over this hump. Now 809 00:44:36,000 --> 00:44:37,600 Speaker 1: we don't need to keep upping the antie and have 810 00:44:37,640 --> 00:44:41,400 Speaker 1: popsicles forever. But it's getting over this like battle hump 811 00:44:41,520 --> 00:44:43,600 Speaker 1: to get there. That okay, And now it's a habit. 812 00:44:43,640 --> 00:44:45,920 Speaker 1: We have bathtime every day. We're not getting in like 813 00:44:46,000 --> 00:44:48,839 Speaker 1: ever again. Making it if it fun is one thing, 814 00:44:48,920 --> 00:44:53,560 Speaker 1: But when you you get into the bribery department exactly, 815 00:44:53,600 --> 00:44:55,960 Speaker 1: you start to become on like a rewards treadmill. You 816 00:44:56,040 --> 00:44:58,279 Speaker 1: gotta up. It's got to be exciting and fun to 817 00:44:58,360 --> 00:45:02,319 Speaker 1: keep them interested. Just my get fun, okay. Separation, anxiety 818 00:45:02,480 --> 00:45:06,040 Speaker 1: is real. Um, Emma was human cling wrap. I still 819 00:45:06,120 --> 00:45:09,399 Speaker 1: have it. So what would be your best advice for 820 00:45:09,560 --> 00:45:13,240 Speaker 1: you know, mom wants to leave the building too. Yeah, 821 00:45:13,280 --> 00:45:16,520 Speaker 1: So this is all about prepping them beforehand. We want 822 00:45:16,560 --> 00:45:20,719 Speaker 1: them to understand what's going to happen, who's gonna be 823 00:45:20,840 --> 00:45:24,440 Speaker 1: there when you're going to return. Because again, our toddlers 824 00:45:24,440 --> 00:45:28,840 Speaker 1: will feel safest when they know what to expect. Uncertainty, 825 00:45:28,960 --> 00:45:33,200 Speaker 1: terrifying chaos. Knowing what to expect much better, much calmer. 826 00:45:33,400 --> 00:45:35,920 Speaker 1: So if we're gonna be going to the grocery store, 827 00:45:36,080 --> 00:45:38,920 Speaker 1: whatever it is, we're gonna let them know. Okay, Mommy 828 00:45:39,000 --> 00:45:41,520 Speaker 1: is going to go to the grocery store. Grandma is 829 00:45:41,560 --> 00:45:44,680 Speaker 1: gonna be here with you. You're going to play with her. 830 00:45:44,880 --> 00:45:47,160 Speaker 1: You're gonna have lunch, and when you wake up from 831 00:45:47,160 --> 00:45:49,680 Speaker 1: your nap after lunch, mommy is going to be home 832 00:45:49,719 --> 00:45:52,640 Speaker 1: to give you hugs and kisses. Okay, go play and 833 00:45:52,640 --> 00:45:55,000 Speaker 1: how fun. And one thing that we really want to 834 00:45:55,000 --> 00:45:58,640 Speaker 1: emphasize is that when it's time to actually say goodbye, 835 00:45:59,280 --> 00:46:01,520 Speaker 1: we don't want to linger, we don't want to hesitate, 836 00:46:01,560 --> 00:46:04,120 Speaker 1: we don't want to give you know, like come back, okay, 837 00:46:04,160 --> 00:46:06,640 Speaker 1: bye bye. They're upset and we walk away, but then 838 00:46:06,680 --> 00:46:09,480 Speaker 1: we come back because they're upset. Now we're giving them 839 00:46:09,480 --> 00:46:13,040 Speaker 1: the message that, oh, maybe I'm not safe because mom 840 00:46:13,120 --> 00:46:15,960 Speaker 1: keeps leaving but she comes back. Oh is there day here? 841 00:46:16,160 --> 00:46:19,560 Speaker 1: There's got to be something to worry about exactly. And 842 00:46:19,600 --> 00:46:21,440 Speaker 1: it's not like you don't have to do these long, 843 00:46:21,560 --> 00:46:24,400 Speaker 1: dramatic goodbyes. Yeah, we want to keep it quick and 844 00:46:24,560 --> 00:46:28,279 Speaker 1: brief and loving, by the way, and then they know 845 00:46:28,760 --> 00:46:30,680 Speaker 1: it's it's almost like the test the first time you 846 00:46:30,760 --> 00:46:33,319 Speaker 1: do it. Okay, I love you, bye bye, love you 847 00:46:33,360 --> 00:46:36,040 Speaker 1: so much. They're they're upset, they're crying, and we still 848 00:46:36,120 --> 00:46:39,000 Speaker 1: leave very confidently, and hopefully the caregiver, by the way, 849 00:46:39,360 --> 00:46:42,920 Speaker 1: knows to say things like it's okay to be upset. 850 00:46:43,040 --> 00:46:46,440 Speaker 1: You're sad that mommy's gone. Mommy will be back after lunchtime. 851 00:46:46,719 --> 00:46:48,040 Speaker 1: You know, they're not kind of doing the thing like 852 00:46:48,040 --> 00:46:49,640 Speaker 1: oh look at this, Oh bub bla blah blah blah 853 00:46:49,640 --> 00:46:53,600 Speaker 1: blah blable. We wanna let them know, I see you're upset, 854 00:46:53,840 --> 00:46:55,839 Speaker 1: It's okay to be upset, that kind of a thing, 855 00:46:56,200 --> 00:46:58,239 Speaker 1: but yeah, keeping it brief and by the way, I 856 00:46:58,239 --> 00:47:02,439 Speaker 1: mean daycare workers, preschool workers. We've talked to so many 857 00:47:02,440 --> 00:47:04,200 Speaker 1: of them about this, and we actually have a section 858 00:47:04,239 --> 00:47:06,600 Speaker 1: on this in our course because it's so nerve wracking 859 00:47:06,680 --> 00:47:10,200 Speaker 1: for parents and you feel horrible guilt, horrible guilt. So 860 00:47:10,239 --> 00:47:13,120 Speaker 1: when we were talking with teachers and preschool workers, that 861 00:47:13,280 --> 00:47:16,239 Speaker 1: is their go to. Is the longer you're lingering, the 862 00:47:16,440 --> 00:47:19,880 Speaker 1: sort of more heart wrenching it is, and the more 863 00:47:20,239 --> 00:47:23,200 Speaker 1: it causes that feeling of like, what's wrong. Why isn't 864 00:47:23,200 --> 00:47:25,920 Speaker 1: she leaving? I don't understand is something wrong? And they 865 00:47:25,960 --> 00:47:30,440 Speaker 1: can't settle in until you leave exactly. They need your permission, 866 00:47:30,640 --> 00:47:33,040 Speaker 1: So you need to leave so they can start, you know, 867 00:47:33,280 --> 00:47:37,040 Speaker 1: their day, And then to really build that security when 868 00:47:37,080 --> 00:47:39,440 Speaker 1: it's all over, when you're back from the market, when 869 00:47:39,520 --> 00:47:42,720 Speaker 1: you picked them up from you know, preschool, you're gonna 870 00:47:42,800 --> 00:47:45,719 Speaker 1: tell the story of what happened. You were crying, you 871 00:47:45,719 --> 00:47:49,360 Speaker 1: were upset, remember, you were so nervous, and you did it. 872 00:47:49,600 --> 00:47:52,640 Speaker 1: You were safe, and I came back to get you, 873 00:47:52,719 --> 00:47:54,520 Speaker 1: and I will always come back to get you the 874 00:47:54,600 --> 00:47:57,960 Speaker 1: next day or like after preschool, whatever it is. So 875 00:47:58,520 --> 00:48:02,400 Speaker 1: just telling that story can kind of like build that security. 876 00:48:02,440 --> 00:48:05,480 Speaker 1: And a little pro tip if it's something like preschool, 877 00:48:05,640 --> 00:48:08,880 Speaker 1: give them something to hold onto, like a little special 878 00:48:08,920 --> 00:48:11,359 Speaker 1: thing when they miss you. They can touch it, they 879 00:48:11,360 --> 00:48:14,480 Speaker 1: can look at it. Remember we do little hearts on 880 00:48:14,480 --> 00:48:16,839 Speaker 1: on hands sometimes if that happened, so drawing a little 881 00:48:16,880 --> 00:48:18,680 Speaker 1: heart and you're like a little kiss. So it's like 882 00:48:19,000 --> 00:48:20,760 Speaker 1: so like if you miss mommy, you can give a kiss, 883 00:48:20,760 --> 00:48:22,640 Speaker 1: and then it seems to really work. They really look 884 00:48:22,640 --> 00:48:24,239 Speaker 1: at it and they're like okay, mommy, and then they 885 00:48:24,280 --> 00:48:27,120 Speaker 1: can kind of go about their day. Consistency is so 886 00:48:27,200 --> 00:48:30,680 Speaker 1: important in having that consistent goodbye, even if it's to 887 00:48:30,760 --> 00:48:33,600 Speaker 1: see you later, alligator, whatever it is that you say, 888 00:48:33,800 --> 00:48:38,000 Speaker 1: say consistently because that means mommy's leaving, she's coming back. 889 00:48:38,239 --> 00:48:40,799 Speaker 1: Have the same thing when you return, so that they 890 00:48:40,840 --> 00:48:43,839 Speaker 1: feel safe and secure. Oh my god, we could talk 891 00:48:43,880 --> 00:48:48,799 Speaker 1: to you guys all day. So where can Emma and 892 00:48:49,000 --> 00:48:53,399 Speaker 1: other desperate parents find you. We are on Instagram, We're 893 00:48:53,440 --> 00:48:56,839 Speaker 1: on their every day so at Big Little Feelings. We're 894 00:48:56,840 --> 00:49:01,480 Speaker 1: also on Facebook. Um we post every single day and stories, 895 00:49:01,560 --> 00:49:04,759 Speaker 1: tutorials and helpful tips, and then we also have our 896 00:49:05,360 --> 00:49:08,680 Speaker 1: toddler course. It's called Winning the Toddler Stage. So it 897 00:49:08,920 --> 00:49:13,239 Speaker 1: is we really trying to make it everything that I, 898 00:49:13,400 --> 00:49:18,520 Speaker 1: even as a mom, have ever personally faced. So eating, bedtime, siblings, tantoms, discipline. 899 00:49:18,920 --> 00:49:20,719 Speaker 1: We wanted it all in one place so that you 900 00:49:20,760 --> 00:49:23,680 Speaker 1: can find it. Big Little Feelings dot com. That's great 901 00:49:23,800 --> 00:49:27,960 Speaker 1: to know. I'll be right there. Thank you so much, 902 00:49:28,080 --> 00:49:30,839 Speaker 1: Dean and Kristin. Thank you so much for having us 903 00:49:30,960 --> 00:49:33,480 Speaker 1: so fun. Yeah, thank you. And I'm going to text 904 00:49:33,520 --> 00:49:43,400 Speaker 1: you tomorrow girl. Okay, baby love, baby love. I need you, Oh, hell, 905 00:49:43,520 --> 00:49:49,200 Speaker 1: I need you. Thanks for listening. Remember, I'm always here 906 00:49:49,320 --> 00:49:52,000 Speaker 1: for you. What to Expect is always here for you. 907 00:49:52,320 --> 00:49:55,360 Speaker 1: We're all in this together. For more on what you 908 00:49:55,400 --> 00:49:58,800 Speaker 1: heard on today's episode, visit what to Expect dot com 909 00:49:58,800 --> 00:50:02,080 Speaker 1: slash podcast. You can also check out What to Expect 910 00:50:02,120 --> 00:50:05,040 Speaker 1: when You're Expecting, What to Expect the First Year, and 911 00:50:05,200 --> 00:50:08,640 Speaker 1: the What to Expect app. And we want to hear 912 00:50:08,760 --> 00:50:12,360 Speaker 1: from you. Connect with us on our community message board 913 00:50:12,600 --> 00:50:15,640 Speaker 1: or on our social media. You can find me at 914 00:50:15,719 --> 00:50:19,760 Speaker 1: Heidi Murkoff and Emma at Emma Being w t E 915 00:50:20,120 --> 00:50:24,080 Speaker 1: and of course at What to Expect. Baby Love is 916 00:50:24,120 --> 00:50:28,120 Speaker 1: performed by Riley Biterer. What to Expect is a production 917 00:50:28,360 --> 00:50:31,720 Speaker 1: of I Heart Radio. From more shows from I heart Radio, 918 00:50:32,080 --> 00:50:35,680 Speaker 1: check out the I heart Radio app, Apple podcast, or 919 00:50:35,760 --> 00:50:40,880 Speaker 1: wherever you listen to your favorite shows. In my arms? 920 00:50:40,920 --> 00:50:48,880 Speaker 1: What on? Just stay Nija nieda baby, baby,