1 00:00:04,795 --> 00:00:21,955 Speaker 1: Countdown with Keith Olderman is a production of iHeartRadio, Day 2 00:00:21,995 --> 00:00:26,395 Speaker 1: five of the Kevin McCarthy Tucker Carlson January sixth video scandal. 3 00:00:26,435 --> 00:00:30,555 Speaker 1: And finally somebody has done something. The Department of Justice, 4 00:00:31,475 --> 00:00:37,195 Speaker 1: Homeland Security, the Capitol Police Board, Democrats in the House, 5 00:00:37,915 --> 00:00:44,515 Speaker 1: in the Senate, paw Patrol. Lindell TV is going after 6 00:00:44,635 --> 00:00:49,875 Speaker 1: Kevin McCarthy in Congress. We're going after them because they 7 00:00:49,915 --> 00:00:54,755 Speaker 1: did it. Rock. Yes, Mike Lindell has done something. Mike 8 00:00:54,995 --> 00:00:58,915 Speaker 1: Lindell is suing. Mike Lindell is the one actually doing 9 00:00:58,995 --> 00:01:03,235 Speaker 1: something about Kevin McCarthy and House Administration Chair Brian Style 10 00:01:03,755 --> 00:01:06,435 Speaker 1: lying to the Cattle Police in order to let Tucker 11 00:01:06,475 --> 00:01:11,395 Speaker 1: Carlson and Fox News Perlin forty four thousand hours of 12 00:01:11,475 --> 00:01:14,155 Speaker 1: security video and what Chuck Schumer called one of the 13 00:01:14,195 --> 00:01:19,075 Speaker 1: worst security risks since nine to eleven, skipping Lindell's mangled 14 00:01:19,075 --> 00:01:23,835 Speaker 1: attempt to explain how his Equal Protection Clause and First 15 00:01:23,875 --> 00:01:29,715 Speaker 1: Amendment rights have been violated. Of course, Mike Lindell is 16 00:01:29,955 --> 00:01:34,475 Speaker 1: entirely correct. Fox News will get to put out whatever 17 00:01:34,515 --> 00:01:37,395 Speaker 1: they she said, and we're over here and we're not 18 00:01:37,475 --> 00:01:40,235 Speaker 1: putting out any information. But we don't even know, we 19 00:01:40,275 --> 00:01:43,315 Speaker 1: don't even know what they're filtering, Brandon, what's important Jar 20 00:01:43,475 --> 00:01:46,475 Speaker 1: News station? Here? Obviously I wish here. There's a lot 21 00:01:46,475 --> 00:01:50,075 Speaker 1: of things not important to Fox News. Right, Lindell is 22 00:01:50,115 --> 00:01:52,915 Speaker 1: looking at it from the other angle that McCarthy has 23 00:01:52,955 --> 00:01:56,395 Speaker 1: the right to unilaterally release this video. He just doesn't 24 00:01:56,395 --> 00:01:59,755 Speaker 1: have the right to unilaterally release this video exclusively to 25 00:01:59,795 --> 00:02:03,915 Speaker 1: Tucker Carlson. To me, that's debatable, or at best the 26 00:02:04,035 --> 00:02:07,915 Speaker 1: secondary point. But while I want everybody arrested and the 27 00:02:07,955 --> 00:02:11,515 Speaker 1: access to the video halted and memories wiped, if that 28 00:02:11,675 --> 00:02:15,235 Speaker 1: is really a thing, Greg Sergeant from the Washington Post 29 00:02:15,275 --> 00:02:18,235 Speaker 1: takes a slightly more practical approach, the same one Lindel 30 00:02:18,355 --> 00:02:21,835 Speaker 1: just expressed. The easiest response from Democrats is not a 31 00:02:21,915 --> 00:02:25,115 Speaker 1: series of legal actions like I want, but to simply 32 00:02:25,195 --> 00:02:29,075 Speaker 1: do what McCarthy did, release the remaining January sixth video, 33 00:02:29,155 --> 00:02:34,995 Speaker 1: but release it to everybody, specifically to networks that could 34 00:02:35,035 --> 00:02:38,755 Speaker 1: answer what Fox will do with the video to gaslight 35 00:02:38,795 --> 00:02:41,835 Speaker 1: the coup attempt by using the video to reinforce what 36 00:02:41,915 --> 00:02:44,475 Speaker 1: actually happened, and by using the video to show how 37 00:02:44,595 --> 00:02:49,635 Speaker 1: Carlson and Fox deceptively cherry picked the footage. But is 38 00:02:49,675 --> 00:02:53,515 Speaker 1: anybody looking at the larger, larger picture that you have 39 00:02:53,635 --> 00:02:58,715 Speaker 1: just turned video of the Trump Fox Republican Party conspiracy 40 00:02:58,795 --> 00:03:02,995 Speaker 1: to overthrow the government. You have just turned that video 41 00:03:03,315 --> 00:03:09,875 Speaker 1: over too, the Trump Fox Republican Party conspirators. Well, yes, 42 00:03:09,995 --> 00:03:15,835 Speaker 1: somebody does see that. Lindell Fox is going to be 43 00:03:15,835 --> 00:03:18,315 Speaker 1: the filter to the world and give them the stuff 44 00:03:18,755 --> 00:03:20,915 Speaker 1: not gonna happen on my watch, I'll tell you that. 45 00:03:21,675 --> 00:03:24,555 Speaker 1: Thanks to Ron Philipkowski and his exceptional Twitter feed for 46 00:03:24,595 --> 00:03:29,635 Speaker 1: the audio from that noted liberal media outlet, Lindell TV, 47 00:03:31,475 --> 00:03:36,355 Speaker 1: Lindell Suz, everybody else four day workweek, Capitol Police Chief 48 00:03:36,395 --> 00:03:40,675 Speaker 1: Tom Manger's statement Monday, Schumer's statement Wednesday news that much 49 00:03:40,675 --> 00:03:44,395 Speaker 1: of the House Democrats internal meeting about McCarthy's criminal deviousness 50 00:03:44,555 --> 00:03:47,555 Speaker 1: and the risk he just subjected every member of Congress 51 00:03:47,635 --> 00:03:50,515 Speaker 1: and the Senate and indeed the citizenry too, was led 52 00:03:50,555 --> 00:03:53,595 Speaker 1: by the chair of the desmanded January sixth Committee, Bennie Thompson. 53 00:03:53,715 --> 00:03:58,155 Speaker 1: And Bennie Thompson's concerns echo those of Schumer about putting 54 00:03:58,155 --> 00:04:03,075 Speaker 1: the people inside the Capitol at risk. A lot of statements, no, 55 00:04:04,075 --> 00:04:09,155 Speaker 1: you know, actions, and no putting the pieces together that 56 00:04:09,315 --> 00:04:12,915 Speaker 1: as egregious as this illegal collusion between Kevin McCarthy and 57 00:04:12,955 --> 00:04:17,315 Speaker 1: Tucker Carlson is in terms of security. It's not just 58 00:04:17,555 --> 00:04:21,555 Speaker 1: lives that are at risk. Tucker Carlson will pervert this 59 00:04:21,675 --> 00:04:24,275 Speaker 1: video in order to use it to support his lie 60 00:04:24,715 --> 00:04:30,875 Speaker 1: that January sixth was something else. Believe whatever you want 61 00:04:31,155 --> 00:04:34,835 Speaker 1: as that something else, as long as you doubt the government, 62 00:04:35,195 --> 00:04:39,435 Speaker 1: as long as you salute the false flag. Whether or 63 00:04:39,435 --> 00:04:43,435 Speaker 1: not Tucker Carlson believes Antifa did it, or Biden or 64 00:04:43,475 --> 00:04:47,475 Speaker 1: the Trilateral Commission, or as the dominion text shows as usual, 65 00:04:47,515 --> 00:04:51,475 Speaker 1: He's not actually a psychotic conspiracy theorist. He just plays 66 00:04:51,515 --> 00:04:55,955 Speaker 1: one on TV. The video is not there to provide sunshine, 67 00:04:56,115 --> 00:05:00,595 Speaker 1: as McCarthy and that nitwit Nancy Mace so moronically phrased it. 68 00:05:00,835 --> 00:05:03,715 Speaker 1: The video is there to provide a different kind of 69 00:05:03,755 --> 00:05:09,835 Speaker 1: illumination gaslight whatever does or does not happen out of 70 00:05:09,875 --> 00:05:13,195 Speaker 1: the Special Council's office. The point of the next twenty 71 00:05:13,195 --> 00:05:16,355 Speaker 1: months for Trump and his insurrectionist mob is to make 72 00:05:16,395 --> 00:05:20,755 Speaker 1: the guilty look innocent and the innocent look guilty, and moreover, 73 00:05:20,875 --> 00:05:26,835 Speaker 1: to make the investigators look guilty, poison the prosecutorial well. 74 00:05:27,395 --> 00:05:32,195 Speaker 1: It has so far worked spectacularly for Donald Trump. In 75 00:05:32,315 --> 00:05:35,995 Speaker 1: almost any other era of American history, he would long 76 00:05:36,035 --> 00:05:39,715 Speaker 1: ago have been imprisoned, or have fled the country or worse. 77 00:05:40,515 --> 00:05:44,315 Speaker 1: But in literally the days after the coup attempt, Trump 78 00:05:44,435 --> 00:05:48,555 Speaker 1: inspired and shaped Trump was suddenly being defended by vermin 79 00:05:48,595 --> 00:05:52,595 Speaker 1: like Kevin McCarthy. McCarthy went from suggesting Trump should resign 80 00:05:52,675 --> 00:05:57,555 Speaker 1: the presidency that night to fulsomely thanking him and groveling 81 00:05:57,635 --> 00:06:01,075 Speaker 1: to him by name. Two years to that night later, 82 00:06:01,675 --> 00:06:04,675 Speaker 1: when his succession of deals with sundry devils got him elect, 83 00:06:04,715 --> 00:06:07,475 Speaker 1: did Speaker of the House. One of those devils was 84 00:06:07,515 --> 00:06:11,235 Speaker 1: Tucker Carlson. And now McCarthy has just paid him his due. 85 00:06:12,315 --> 00:06:14,595 Speaker 1: And the video will not just be used as part 86 00:06:14,595 --> 00:06:17,835 Speaker 1: of the grand excuse by Trump cultists when they believe 87 00:06:18,355 --> 00:06:22,555 Speaker 1: or pretend to believe that January sixth was Pelosi's fault, 88 00:06:22,675 --> 00:06:28,195 Speaker 1: or the FBI's fault, or your fault. The video will 89 00:06:28,235 --> 00:06:32,835 Speaker 1: be used as yet another arm of an octopus of revenge, 90 00:06:32,835 --> 00:06:36,515 Speaker 1: threat and retaliation. And while the Tucker Carlson crime story 91 00:06:36,595 --> 00:06:41,555 Speaker 1: stalled yesterday, a new and nauseating story emerged. This one 92 00:06:41,675 --> 00:06:47,355 Speaker 1: is about a dark money group called American Accountability Foundation. AAF, 93 00:06:47,955 --> 00:06:52,035 Speaker 1: and last night Politico reported that this AAF has sent 94 00:06:52,115 --> 00:06:55,635 Speaker 1: out a letter to hundreds of recipients on Capitol Hill, 95 00:06:56,315 --> 00:07:00,475 Speaker 1: mostly in government, some outside it. The letter designed to 96 00:07:00,595 --> 00:07:05,835 Speaker 1: wreak revenge on staffers who worked on the House January 97 00:07:05,875 --> 00:07:10,835 Speaker 1: sixth Committee. Quoting this letter, AAF has put together a 98 00:07:10,955 --> 00:07:17,195 Speaker 1: cheat sheet outlining their new firms and the firm's clients, 99 00:07:17,275 --> 00:07:20,595 Speaker 1: so you can be sure you and your staff aren't 100 00:07:20,635 --> 00:07:23,675 Speaker 1: inadvertently taking a meeting with a company that hires staff 101 00:07:23,955 --> 00:07:28,315 Speaker 1: that hates your boss. It is important to remember that 102 00:07:28,355 --> 00:07:31,715 Speaker 1: even one of these former J six investigators is not 103 00:07:31,875 --> 00:07:35,675 Speaker 1: listed as a lobbyist on this specific account. The billings 104 00:07:35,715 --> 00:07:40,595 Speaker 1: brought in by the clients listed below benefit all staff 105 00:07:41,115 --> 00:07:47,035 Speaker 1: at the J six Investigators new firm. Unquote translation, if 106 00:07:47,075 --> 00:07:50,435 Speaker 1: you dared to investigate Trump on behalf of the United 107 00:07:50,435 --> 00:07:54,075 Speaker 1: States Congress, and you dared to investigate sedition, and you 108 00:07:54,195 --> 00:07:57,835 Speaker 1: dared to investigate treason, this AAF group will not merely 109 00:07:57,835 --> 00:08:01,675 Speaker 1: try to blacklist you. It will intend to blacklist your 110 00:08:01,795 --> 00:08:06,315 Speaker 1: new employer, and it hopes to blacklist or new employer's clients. 111 00:08:07,315 --> 00:08:12,235 Speaker 1: The letter also invites recipients to let AAF know if 112 00:08:12,315 --> 00:08:18,795 Speaker 1: AAF left anybody off the list. Political notes AF was 113 00:08:18,835 --> 00:08:23,075 Speaker 1: co founded by one Thomas Jones, a former Ted Cruz 114 00:08:23,475 --> 00:08:28,275 Speaker 1: presidential campaign staffer and thus obviously a man certainly embittered 115 00:08:28,355 --> 00:08:31,475 Speaker 1: enough to last the rest of his life. AAF has 116 00:08:31,515 --> 00:08:33,955 Speaker 1: also been linked, by reporting in The New Yorker, to 117 00:08:34,075 --> 00:08:39,435 Speaker 1: the American Accountability Foundation and something called the Conservative Partnership Institute, 118 00:08:39,875 --> 00:08:44,475 Speaker 1: which is itself connected to Clita Mitchell and Mark Meadows. 119 00:08:46,155 --> 00:08:49,355 Speaker 1: It's the blacklist method of the nineteen fifties, except the 120 00:08:49,395 --> 00:08:52,955 Speaker 1: smearing can be done now not just by an elected McCarthy, 121 00:08:53,155 --> 00:08:56,715 Speaker 1: but also by a television channel that has completely untethered 122 00:08:56,755 --> 00:09:00,515 Speaker 1: itself from the most elementary journalistic standards, yet is perceived 123 00:09:00,555 --> 00:09:04,235 Speaker 1: by its audience as not just accurate but principled. The 124 00:09:04,315 --> 00:09:08,075 Speaker 1: soul limitation on Fox News's effectiveness in turning the real 125 00:09:08,195 --> 00:09:11,515 Speaker 1: into the unbelievable and the unbelievable into the real is 126 00:09:11,515 --> 00:09:14,715 Speaker 1: the short attention span of its viewers. In order to 127 00:09:14,755 --> 00:09:17,955 Speaker 1: be able to pay attention to the propaganda, they need 128 00:09:18,195 --> 00:09:24,635 Speaker 1: a constant churn of new outrages. On Fox Now, Kevin 129 00:09:24,715 --> 00:09:29,555 Speaker 1: McCarthy has given Tucker Carlson forty four thousand hours of 130 00:09:29,835 --> 00:09:34,315 Speaker 1: raw propaganda from which he can choose anything and which 131 00:09:34,315 --> 00:09:39,235 Speaker 1: he can alter to quote prove unquote anything. And as 132 00:09:39,275 --> 00:09:42,075 Speaker 1: of this hour, with the Capitol Police Board and DOJ 133 00:09:42,635 --> 00:09:46,235 Speaker 1: and DHS and Schumer and Jeffreys and everybody else who 134 00:09:46,275 --> 00:09:49,315 Speaker 1: should be doing something but are in fact all a wall, 135 00:09:50,355 --> 00:09:53,875 Speaker 1: the only thing standing between McCarthy and Brian Style and 136 00:09:53,995 --> 00:09:58,315 Speaker 1: Carlson and this mother load of forty four thousand hours 137 00:09:58,355 --> 00:10:05,035 Speaker 1: of raw, unprocessed brainwash is the diligence and the proactivity 138 00:10:05,075 --> 00:10:18,515 Speaker 1: of one lone gallant man, Mike Lindell. We are so screwed, 139 00:10:32,675 --> 00:10:35,595 Speaker 1: still ahead of us. In this edition of Countdown, George Santos' 140 00:10:35,595 --> 00:10:39,835 Speaker 1: is back co sponsoring legislation to honor a gun. Turns 141 00:10:39,835 --> 00:10:44,595 Speaker 1: out he's lying about that too. The Alaska legislator who 142 00:10:44,635 --> 00:10:47,835 Speaker 1: you heard here actually claiming it's better for society when 143 00:10:47,915 --> 00:10:51,395 Speaker 1: victims of child abuse in Alaska are killed, gets a 144 00:10:51,475 --> 00:10:56,355 Speaker 1: slap on the wrist. Should we retroactively edit the words 145 00:10:56,475 --> 00:10:59,995 Speaker 1: of a dead author to make it easier to sell 146 00:11:00,115 --> 00:11:02,755 Speaker 1: his books in the twenty first century? The author is 147 00:11:02,795 --> 00:11:05,955 Speaker 1: the creator of Willy Wonka. His name was Royal Dall. 148 00:11:06,075 --> 00:11:08,515 Speaker 1: And not only is this a huge issue, but when 149 00:11:08,555 --> 00:11:14,675 Speaker 1: I was a kid Royal Doll, and I corresponded and 150 00:11:14,835 --> 00:11:18,115 Speaker 1: on Fridays with Thurber his story that basically prophesied the 151 00:11:18,115 --> 00:11:21,795 Speaker 1: coming of Trump, the darkly comic the greatest man in 152 00:11:21,835 --> 00:11:31,675 Speaker 1: the world. That's next. This is countdown, you know, this 153 00:11:31,875 --> 00:11:41,715 Speaker 1: is countdown with you know, Keith Olberman ahead the Royal 154 00:11:41,955 --> 00:11:46,475 Speaker 1: Doll controversy. Sixty years ago. Dall used words like fat 155 00:11:46,675 --> 00:11:49,675 Speaker 1: in his kid's book like Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. 156 00:11:50,195 --> 00:11:52,835 Speaker 1: The publisher is now taking them out in hopes of 157 00:11:52,875 --> 00:11:56,315 Speaker 1: selling more copies of Willy Wonka. I actually have personal 158 00:11:56,315 --> 00:11:58,355 Speaker 1: experience with two parts of this story, and I've been 159 00:11:58,395 --> 00:12:01,955 Speaker 1: privileged to edit for taste the works of a truly 160 00:12:01,995 --> 00:12:06,315 Speaker 1: great writer. And I actually used to correspond when I 161 00:12:06,395 --> 00:12:10,715 Speaker 1: was a kid with Royal Dahl ahead first time for 162 00:12:10,755 --> 00:12:13,035 Speaker 1: the daily rout of the miscreants, morons and Dunning Kruger 163 00:12:13,035 --> 00:12:16,355 Speaker 1: effect specimens who constitute today's Where's persons in the world. 164 00:12:17,075 --> 00:12:21,315 Speaker 1: The Bronze Florida Governor Ron DeSantis and his press secretary 165 00:12:21,355 --> 00:12:25,875 Speaker 1: Brian Griffin, Yes, Brian Griffin, like the name of the 166 00:12:25,995 --> 00:12:30,395 Speaker 1: dog On Family Guy. Griffin and his boss are apparently 167 00:12:30,475 --> 00:12:35,755 Speaker 1: deep into an appendage swinging contest with NBC News, quoting Griffin, 168 00:12:35,795 --> 00:12:37,915 Speaker 1: to all the bookers and producers reaching out to our 169 00:12:37,955 --> 00:12:41,715 Speaker 1: office from NBC News and MSNBC for Governor Ron DeSantis 170 00:12:41,835 --> 00:12:44,795 Speaker 1: to join your shows. This will be the standard response 171 00:12:44,835 --> 00:12:48,995 Speaker 1: from our office until Andrew Mitchell apologizes and your track 172 00:12:49,075 --> 00:12:52,115 Speaker 1: record improves. I think we need to take a step back. 173 00:12:52,155 --> 00:12:55,115 Speaker 1: There will be no consideration of anything related to NBC 174 00:12:55,275 --> 00:13:00,395 Speaker 1: Universal or its affiliates until and at least Andrea Mitchell kirt, Wait, 175 00:13:00,435 --> 00:13:04,035 Speaker 1: what does that mean? Until and at least did this 176 00:13:04,155 --> 00:13:08,475 Speaker 1: kid me? Until and unless, until and at least Andrea 177 00:13:08,515 --> 00:13:12,755 Speaker 1: Mitchell corrects the blatant lie she made about the Governor. 178 00:13:12,875 --> 00:13:15,715 Speaker 1: DeSantis says that slavery in the aftermath of slavery should 179 00:13:15,715 --> 00:13:17,915 Speaker 1: not be taught to Florida school children. Blah blah blah 180 00:13:17,915 --> 00:13:20,795 Speaker 1: blah blah. Please feel free to pass this up and 181 00:13:20,915 --> 00:13:24,875 Speaker 1: around the network. So Ron de Santis and his press 182 00:13:24,915 --> 00:13:30,075 Speaker 1: secretary of being snowflakes about Andrea Mitchell. Seventy six year 183 00:13:30,075 --> 00:13:34,635 Speaker 1: old Andrea Mitchell who fell asleep while live on MSNBC 184 00:13:34,875 --> 00:13:38,235 Speaker 1: the other day. Governor's campaign for president's going to be 185 00:13:38,275 --> 00:13:40,355 Speaker 1: an awfully short one. If you have to keep drying 186 00:13:40,435 --> 00:13:46,235 Speaker 1: his tears about Andrea Mitchell. For God's sakes, our runners 187 00:13:46,275 --> 00:13:50,635 Speaker 1: up Alaska State Legislature, David Eastman, he has now been 188 00:13:50,635 --> 00:13:53,955 Speaker 1: censured for well you heard this. I played it the 189 00:13:53,995 --> 00:13:56,755 Speaker 1: other day. In the case where child muse is fatal, 190 00:13:57,755 --> 00:14:00,035 Speaker 1: obviously it's not good for the child, but it's actually 191 00:14:00,075 --> 00:14:03,075 Speaker 1: a benefit to society because there aren't needed for government 192 00:14:03,115 --> 00:14:06,315 Speaker 1: services and whatnot over the whole course of that child's life. 193 00:14:07,835 --> 00:14:09,955 Speaker 1: Through the chair, can you sit at again to say 194 00:14:09,955 --> 00:14:14,675 Speaker 1: a benefit for society? Talking dollars, Now, you've got one 195 00:14:14,715 --> 00:14:17,955 Speaker 1: point five million dollar price tag here for victims of 196 00:14:17,955 --> 00:14:22,995 Speaker 1: fatal child abuse. It gets argued periodically that it's actually 197 00:14:23,595 --> 00:14:26,675 Speaker 1: a cost savings because that child is not going to 198 00:14:26,795 --> 00:14:30,395 Speaker 1: need any of those government services that they might otherwise, 199 00:14:31,515 --> 00:14:34,555 Speaker 1: you know, be entitled to receive and need based on 200 00:14:35,035 --> 00:14:39,035 Speaker 1: growing up in this type of environment. Through the chair, Representative, 201 00:14:39,275 --> 00:14:42,035 Speaker 1: I guess that would be the idea if I can 202 00:14:42,155 --> 00:14:46,315 Speaker 1: use a really bad analogy when you hit somebody. Yeah, 203 00:14:46,315 --> 00:14:50,875 Speaker 1: he actually said that during I'm hearing at the Alaska 204 00:14:51,035 --> 00:14:55,315 Speaker 1: State Legislature, So he was centured. And that's two centers 205 00:14:55,555 --> 00:14:58,915 Speaker 1: now for Representative Eastman, who was also at a Trump 206 00:14:58,995 --> 00:15:02,035 Speaker 1: rally in DC on January six, twenty twenty one. The 207 00:15:02,115 --> 00:15:05,595 Speaker 1: vote on this centure was thirty five in and one against, 208 00:15:05,635 --> 00:15:10,755 Speaker 1: and the one vote against was by Eastman. But our winners, 209 00:15:10,755 --> 00:15:15,275 Speaker 1: Congressman Barry Moore and George Santos More of Alabama introduced 210 00:15:15,315 --> 00:15:17,915 Speaker 1: and Santos is now signed on as co sponsor of 211 00:15:18,315 --> 00:15:22,595 Speaker 1: a bill to declare the AR fifteen the national gun 212 00:15:22,755 --> 00:15:26,115 Speaker 1: of America. You know, the AR fifteen, the current slogan 213 00:15:26,155 --> 00:15:29,795 Speaker 1: for which is a thousand mass murderers. Can't be wrong. 214 00:15:30,755 --> 00:15:33,755 Speaker 1: Apart from the cynical death cult issue here, there's something 215 00:15:33,755 --> 00:15:37,035 Speaker 1: about the AR fifteen. More and Santos don't know. It 216 00:15:37,075 --> 00:15:42,035 Speaker 1: was designed and for decades sold exclusively by Colts Firearms. 217 00:15:42,595 --> 00:15:46,075 Speaker 1: Colts Firearms, which in twenty twenty one was sold to 218 00:15:46,155 --> 00:15:49,795 Speaker 1: a company based in Prague. So the gun More and 219 00:15:49,915 --> 00:15:53,715 Speaker 1: this pathetic Santos want to call the national gun of 220 00:15:53,755 --> 00:16:01,395 Speaker 1: America is check Congressman Barrymore and George Santos, and you 221 00:16:01,435 --> 00:16:05,035 Speaker 1: know what you can do with those AR fifteen lapel pins, Boys, 222 00:16:05,475 --> 00:16:26,595 Speaker 1: two days, Worst Parsons and the post scripts to the news. 223 00:16:26,595 --> 00:16:30,395 Speaker 1: Some headlines, some updates, some snarks, some predictions. Well just 224 00:16:30,475 --> 00:16:33,515 Speaker 1: one headline this time. Please tell me where to send 225 00:16:33,555 --> 00:16:36,835 Speaker 1: my Royal Doll letters so they can be sanitized for 226 00:16:36,955 --> 00:16:40,955 Speaker 1: my protection. If the name Royal Doll does not immediately 227 00:16:41,035 --> 00:16:42,955 Speaker 1: ring a bell for you. He was the author of 228 00:16:43,035 --> 00:16:46,195 Speaker 1: Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and thus the creator of 229 00:16:46,195 --> 00:16:49,555 Speaker 1: Willie Wonka, and he wrote James and the Giant Peach, 230 00:16:49,835 --> 00:16:53,675 Speaker 1: and all of his kids books combined have sold about 231 00:16:53,675 --> 00:16:57,875 Speaker 1: a quarter of a billion copies dead since nineteen ninety. 232 00:16:57,955 --> 00:17:01,115 Speaker 1: Two years ago, Forbes placed Doll first on its list 233 00:17:01,155 --> 00:17:04,795 Speaker 1: of the top earning dead celebrities, ahead of Prince and 234 00:17:04,875 --> 00:17:08,875 Speaker 1: Michael Jackson. Royal Doll made about five hundred and thirteen 235 00:17:08,955 --> 00:17:13,075 Speaker 1: million dollars in twenty twenty one, compared to thirteen million 236 00:17:13,195 --> 00:17:16,515 Speaker 1: by the late John Lennon. And that is where the 237 00:17:16,555 --> 00:17:19,555 Speaker 1: problems began. And if you have not heard about the problems, 238 00:17:19,595 --> 00:17:22,315 Speaker 1: the first is Royal Dall was often, as somebody on 239 00:17:22,355 --> 00:17:26,115 Speaker 1: Twitter put a succinctly, he was often the C word. 240 00:17:26,835 --> 00:17:30,995 Speaker 1: He was at times anti Semitic, racist, misogynistic, and cruel, 241 00:17:31,395 --> 00:17:35,715 Speaker 1: and his writing was at times anti Semitic, racist, misogynistic, 242 00:17:35,755 --> 00:17:39,275 Speaker 1: and cruel. None of that has ever really slowed down 243 00:17:39,355 --> 00:17:42,435 Speaker 1: his book sales, though largely because first kids who read 244 00:17:42,475 --> 00:17:45,955 Speaker 1: books are actually smarter than nearly every adult thinks they are. 245 00:17:46,275 --> 00:17:50,035 Speaker 1: And second, it seemed then and now that the more 246 00:17:50,155 --> 00:17:54,195 Speaker 1: problematic a lot of Doll's characters were the smarter he 247 00:17:54,275 --> 00:17:58,595 Speaker 1: made them. The Umpa Lumpas of Willie Wonka are not 248 00:17:58,795 --> 00:18:01,995 Speaker 1: Doll's finest moments. On the other hand, they do run 249 00:18:02,155 --> 00:18:05,675 Speaker 1: everything in the chocolate factory. They know everything about the 250 00:18:05,715 --> 00:18:09,315 Speaker 1: ticket winning kids and their foibles. And when Violet turns 251 00:18:09,355 --> 00:18:13,875 Speaker 1: into a giant blueberry, and when Vuca gets devoured by squirrels, 252 00:18:14,435 --> 00:18:17,115 Speaker 1: it is the umpa Oopas who know how to save them. 253 00:18:17,835 --> 00:18:23,875 Speaker 1: So apparently the umpaal Oopas are doctors, or at least paramedics. Anyway, 254 00:18:23,915 --> 00:18:27,635 Speaker 1: the reason Royal Doll made thirteen million dollars thirty one 255 00:18:27,715 --> 00:18:30,755 Speaker 1: years after he died was that his estate sold the 256 00:18:30,835 --> 00:18:33,795 Speaker 1: rights to the books to Netflix. By then, the book 257 00:18:33,795 --> 00:18:36,195 Speaker 1: publishers had already brought in a company of so called 258 00:18:36,435 --> 00:18:41,515 Speaker 1: sensitivity readers to rewrite the more troublesome parts of Doll's work. 259 00:18:42,075 --> 00:18:44,115 Speaker 1: We're seeing the first results of this now, and it 260 00:18:44,235 --> 00:18:47,955 Speaker 1: is literally what George Orwell described in his novel nineteen 261 00:18:47,995 --> 00:18:51,755 Speaker 1: eighty four, erasing the past, replacing it with a new 262 00:18:51,835 --> 00:18:55,635 Speaker 1: past and leaving no indication that any editing or changing 263 00:18:55,755 --> 00:18:59,155 Speaker 1: was done. While I'm assuming it still says that in 264 00:18:59,275 --> 00:19:01,675 Speaker 1: nineteen eighty four, presumably all of that could be edited 265 00:19:01,715 --> 00:19:05,675 Speaker 1: out of orwell, and we'd never know, right. But it's 266 00:19:05,715 --> 00:19:08,275 Speaker 1: even worse than that, because the edits are being made 267 00:19:08,355 --> 00:19:12,155 Speaker 1: not because of some pure, if misguided desire to make 268 00:19:12,275 --> 00:19:15,995 Speaker 1: changes reflecting the changes in morays and respect changes even 269 00:19:16,035 --> 00:19:18,915 Speaker 1: the author might want to make. They're being done so 270 00:19:18,955 --> 00:19:21,595 Speaker 1: that the books, according to the publisher, can continue to 271 00:19:21,635 --> 00:19:25,315 Speaker 1: be enjoyed by all today, meaning they did this to 272 00:19:25,395 --> 00:19:29,155 Speaker 1: literally sell more books. This is not even about well 273 00:19:29,275 --> 00:19:33,875 Speaker 1: intentioned censorship. It's about profit. And if all that were 274 00:19:33,875 --> 00:19:37,115 Speaker 1: not bad enough, the rewriting of Royal Dahl has from 275 00:19:37,155 --> 00:19:39,835 Speaker 1: a quality viewpoint, gone about as well as the so 276 00:19:39,915 --> 00:19:43,995 Speaker 1: called restoration of the painting of Jesus in Spain in 277 00:19:44,035 --> 00:19:47,835 Speaker 1: twenty twelve. The painting is now known as monkey Christ 278 00:19:48,435 --> 00:19:53,115 Speaker 1: or Potato Jesus. Apart from the wholesale elimination of words 279 00:19:53,155 --> 00:19:56,235 Speaker 1: like fat and ugly, the publishers have decided to take 280 00:19:56,235 --> 00:20:00,115 Speaker 1: out references that no kid would ever notice. She went 281 00:20:00,195 --> 00:20:04,435 Speaker 1: to India with Rudyard Kipling becomes She went to ca 282 00:20:04,835 --> 00:20:12,315 Speaker 1: Fournia with John Steinbeck. Why in his story The Witches, 283 00:20:12,475 --> 00:20:15,395 Speaker 1: Raoul Dahl has the hero believe that all witches are 284 00:20:15,555 --> 00:20:18,435 Speaker 1: bald and wear wigs and gloves, and that's a way 285 00:20:18,435 --> 00:20:22,395 Speaker 1: to check. Don't be foolish. My grandmother said, you can't 286 00:20:22,435 --> 00:20:24,675 Speaker 1: go around pulling the hair of every lady you meet, 287 00:20:24,715 --> 00:20:27,315 Speaker 1: even if she is wearing gloves. Just you try it 288 00:20:27,395 --> 00:20:30,755 Speaker 1: and see what happens. That would be an admonition not 289 00:20:30,835 --> 00:20:33,515 Speaker 1: to believe that everybody with a wig is a witch. 290 00:20:34,155 --> 00:20:36,995 Speaker 1: It has now been changed to don't be foolish, my 291 00:20:37,075 --> 00:20:40,435 Speaker 1: grandmother said. Besides, there are plenty of other reasons why 292 00:20:40,475 --> 00:20:43,715 Speaker 1: women might wear wigs, and there's suddenly nothing wrong with that. 293 00:20:46,835 --> 00:20:50,115 Speaker 1: It's like Shakespeare. Now. Look, it is one thing if 294 00:20:50,155 --> 00:20:52,635 Speaker 1: you are giving a public reading of Tom Sawyer, and 295 00:20:52,715 --> 00:20:54,915 Speaker 1: you may want to drop a couple of words here 296 00:20:54,995 --> 00:20:59,755 Speaker 1: and there. I have performed James Thurber's stories since twenty 297 00:21:00,075 --> 00:21:04,475 Speaker 1: ten on TV, on radio, on this podcast in person. 298 00:21:05,075 --> 00:21:08,315 Speaker 1: His epic story By the Way, Forecasting Trump the Greatest 299 00:21:08,355 --> 00:21:11,675 Speaker 1: Man in the World is coming up shortly. Thurber's daughter 300 00:21:11,795 --> 00:21:15,195 Speaker 1: Rosie offered me the right to edit anything I felt 301 00:21:15,235 --> 00:21:18,595 Speaker 1: I needed to edit for time or for taste and 302 00:21:18,675 --> 00:21:20,715 Speaker 1: said there was plenty in there. Her dad would be 303 00:21:20,755 --> 00:21:25,035 Speaker 1: mortified by today that he wrote. Letting me edit it though, 304 00:21:25,195 --> 00:21:27,995 Speaker 1: was like saying, hey, you have a heart, so that 305 00:21:28,075 --> 00:21:31,555 Speaker 1: means you can perform heart surgery. But the goal in 306 00:21:31,595 --> 00:21:34,875 Speaker 1: doing that is to change as little as possible. There 307 00:21:34,915 --> 00:21:38,715 Speaker 1: are adjectives that were once perfectly normal and seemingly liberal, 308 00:21:38,755 --> 00:21:41,675 Speaker 1: and once thought even to be complimentary that you really 309 00:21:41,715 --> 00:21:45,115 Speaker 1: need to just skip. So when you're reading them aloud, 310 00:21:45,235 --> 00:21:50,795 Speaker 1: just skip them, but erase them permanently forever from Thurber's books, 311 00:21:51,275 --> 00:21:56,075 Speaker 1: when maybe a note to new readers would be sufficient warning. Plus, 312 00:21:56,155 --> 00:21:59,795 Speaker 1: if I'm changing anything about Thurber while transforming his work 313 00:21:59,835 --> 00:22:03,995 Speaker 1: into a different medium like podcasts, I am necessarily going 314 00:22:04,035 --> 00:22:08,515 Speaker 1: to edit things. A movie might leave out nine tenths 315 00:22:08,555 --> 00:22:11,995 Speaker 1: of any novel, but just reading a novel aloud might 316 00:22:12,155 --> 00:22:15,395 Speaker 1: change something as important as the emphasis on the way 317 00:22:15,515 --> 00:22:19,755 Speaker 1: certain words were said from the way the author intended 318 00:22:19,795 --> 00:22:23,155 Speaker 1: that emphasis to be. Besides which, all those changes are temporary. 319 00:22:23,555 --> 00:22:28,435 Speaker 1: I'm not altering Thurber's text. I'm altering my reading of 320 00:22:28,555 --> 00:22:32,715 Speaker 1: his text. And the same goes for Royal doll And 321 00:22:32,795 --> 00:22:34,435 Speaker 1: a lot of people saying this are people who do 322 00:22:34,475 --> 00:22:38,315 Speaker 1: not like Royal Doll. Sir Salomon Rushti wrote he was 323 00:22:38,355 --> 00:22:42,235 Speaker 1: a self confessed anti Semite with pronounced racist leanings, and 324 00:22:42,355 --> 00:22:44,795 Speaker 1: he joined in the attack on me back in nineteen 325 00:22:44,915 --> 00:22:48,675 Speaker 1: eighty nine. Royal Doll was no angel. But this is 326 00:22:48,795 --> 00:22:54,155 Speaker 1: absurd censorship, puffin books, and the Doll estate should be ashamed, 327 00:22:54,835 --> 00:22:57,715 Speaker 1: because that's the point. If we're going to edit or 328 00:22:57,755 --> 00:23:02,635 Speaker 1: otherwise circumscribe every book or author, or film or producer 329 00:23:02,675 --> 00:23:04,955 Speaker 1: with a significant problem, we're going to wind up with 330 00:23:04,995 --> 00:23:08,035 Speaker 1: a world library of about fifty books and ten films. 331 00:23:08,115 --> 00:23:11,955 Speaker 1: I mean, this is in Florida, and artists, like people, 332 00:23:11,995 --> 00:23:15,235 Speaker 1: are rarely all good or all bad, and often they 333 00:23:15,275 --> 00:23:20,075 Speaker 1: have huge disturbing flaws which can, in their own way, 334 00:23:20,155 --> 00:23:23,155 Speaker 1: teach you what not to do or be in life. 335 00:23:24,555 --> 00:23:27,195 Speaker 1: The publishers defended doing this on the premise that Roal 336 00:23:27,315 --> 00:23:30,915 Speaker 1: Doll's works have always been edited and modified, that he 337 00:23:31,795 --> 00:23:35,555 Speaker 1: permanently changed the description of those umpa loompas several times 338 00:23:35,715 --> 00:23:39,155 Speaker 1: to make it less offensive, And again that misses the point. 339 00:23:39,875 --> 00:23:44,155 Speaker 1: He made those changes, not his publishers, not his literary estate, 340 00:23:44,235 --> 00:23:47,875 Speaker 1: not you, not me, him. And if you're wondering why 341 00:23:47,915 --> 00:23:50,555 Speaker 1: I'm going on so long, about this. It's because this 342 00:23:50,675 --> 00:23:53,915 Speaker 1: is personal for me. I think I learned that truth 343 00:23:54,155 --> 00:23:56,715 Speaker 1: that almost everybody is a mix of good and bad, 344 00:23:56,755 --> 00:24:02,035 Speaker 1: often in big, bright, ugly letters, often with extraordinary self contradictions. 345 00:24:02,115 --> 00:24:07,115 Speaker 1: I learned all that from Royal Doll. Sometime in the 346 00:24:07,155 --> 00:24:10,395 Speaker 1: second half of March nineteen sixty six, a letter unlike 347 00:24:10,435 --> 00:24:13,395 Speaker 1: any other I had seen before arrived at our little 348 00:24:13,435 --> 00:24:16,355 Speaker 1: house in the suburbs of New York City, where my 349 00:24:16,435 --> 00:24:19,075 Speaker 1: parents packed me off each morning to the third grade. 350 00:24:19,635 --> 00:24:23,995 Speaker 1: The words par Avian were printed in the upper left, 351 00:24:23,995 --> 00:24:28,435 Speaker 1: and the postmark was from somewhere called Great Missenden, and 352 00:24:28,515 --> 00:24:34,555 Speaker 1: the addressee was me. It was a letter from Royal Doll. 353 00:24:35,795 --> 00:24:38,275 Speaker 1: I had a number of very special teachers in my life, 354 00:24:38,275 --> 00:24:41,635 Speaker 1: but the first of them was Missus Marjorie Plant, who 355 00:24:41,715 --> 00:24:45,275 Speaker 1: survived an entire school year of me in nineteen sixty 356 00:24:45,275 --> 00:24:49,395 Speaker 1: five and nineteen sixty six. We sidled down the hallway 357 00:24:49,435 --> 00:24:51,635 Speaker 1: to miss Ritz for an hour or so of math 358 00:24:51,755 --> 00:24:53,835 Speaker 1: every day, but the rest of the time we were 359 00:24:53,875 --> 00:24:57,155 Speaker 1: Missus Plant's class, and when she was not leading us 360 00:24:57,155 --> 00:24:59,955 Speaker 1: out to the glorious natural meadow in the pond just 361 00:25:00,035 --> 00:25:02,715 Speaker 1: behind the elementary school and teaching us the name of 362 00:25:02,755 --> 00:25:06,555 Speaker 1: every plant and every tree, every bird. She was reading 363 00:25:06,595 --> 00:25:08,875 Speaker 1: to us, or getting us to read to her, or 364 00:25:08,955 --> 00:25:13,235 Speaker 1: one day asking each of us to name our favorite author. Well, 365 00:25:13,275 --> 00:25:15,715 Speaker 1: I didn't hesitate. My dad read to me each night, 366 00:25:15,875 --> 00:25:18,715 Speaker 1: and it's probable somebody else's book was first. And I 367 00:25:18,755 --> 00:25:21,275 Speaker 1: know he later read me Chitty Chitty Bang Bang by 368 00:25:21,315 --> 00:25:25,755 Speaker 1: Ian Fleming. But the first books for me were Charlie 369 00:25:25,755 --> 00:25:28,395 Speaker 1: and the Chocolate Factory and James and the Giant Peach 370 00:25:28,435 --> 00:25:30,915 Speaker 1: by Royal Dahl. And I don't know how many times 371 00:25:31,315 --> 00:25:34,035 Speaker 1: Dad read each of them to me, but I do 372 00:25:34,195 --> 00:25:37,315 Speaker 1: know that somehow those books conveyed to me that books 373 00:25:37,315 --> 00:25:40,955 Speaker 1: didn't just happen, that a grown up like my dad 374 00:25:41,195 --> 00:25:44,995 Speaker 1: had written them deliberately for kids to read and to 375 00:25:45,235 --> 00:25:50,075 Speaker 1: listen to. And this man had clearly included jokes that 376 00:25:50,195 --> 00:25:54,115 Speaker 1: the kids would get, but the grown ups didn't seem 377 00:25:54,195 --> 00:25:59,035 Speaker 1: to notice. And this was this man's job, the way 378 00:25:59,075 --> 00:26:02,595 Speaker 1: being a draftsman and later an architect was my dad's job. 379 00:26:03,155 --> 00:26:06,675 Speaker 1: That you could do this and people would pay you. 380 00:26:07,115 --> 00:26:10,355 Speaker 1: This is how I understood about this. A thousand other 381 00:26:10,395 --> 00:26:13,915 Speaker 1: writers and broadcasters flashed out the details and the specifics 382 00:26:13,915 --> 00:26:16,075 Speaker 1: for me, But the man who opened the first door 383 00:26:16,515 --> 00:26:18,955 Speaker 1: into the world in which perhaps I could write for 384 00:26:18,995 --> 00:26:23,995 Speaker 1: a living was Roaldall. So Keith, who's your favorite author, 385 00:26:24,035 --> 00:26:28,515 Speaker 1: Missus Plant asked Roaldall missus Plant, knowing her and knowing me, 386 00:26:28,595 --> 00:26:31,955 Speaker 1: she probably said I knew it, And soon after she 387 00:26:32,035 --> 00:26:34,195 Speaker 1: explained that we had an assignment that day. We were 388 00:26:34,195 --> 00:26:37,915 Speaker 1: all going to write. Great I thought, I'll write another book. 389 00:26:38,555 --> 00:26:41,035 Speaker 1: I had already written something like forty books in missus 390 00:26:41,075 --> 00:26:46,555 Speaker 1: Plant's class, two or three pages with illustrations, with construction paper, covers, 391 00:26:46,555 --> 00:26:49,635 Speaker 1: with staples, with titles. I wasn't just going to be 392 00:26:49,675 --> 00:26:53,795 Speaker 1: a writer like Roal Doll. I already was one. Not 393 00:26:53,915 --> 00:26:56,395 Speaker 1: a book today, Keith, she said, I want you all 394 00:26:56,435 --> 00:26:59,195 Speaker 1: to write a letter to your favorite author. I know 395 00:26:59,235 --> 00:27:01,555 Speaker 1: how to get your letters to your author, so you 396 00:27:01,555 --> 00:27:03,955 Speaker 1: don't have to worry about that part. You can ask 397 00:27:03,955 --> 00:27:05,995 Speaker 1: them anything you want in the letter. You can tell 398 00:27:06,035 --> 00:27:08,755 Speaker 1: them anything about yourself, but I especially want you to 399 00:27:08,795 --> 00:27:11,595 Speaker 1: tell them why you like their books, and who you 400 00:27:11,675 --> 00:27:15,715 Speaker 1: are and how old you are. And on that day, 401 00:27:15,795 --> 00:27:20,035 Speaker 1: in March nineteen sixty six, my favorite author had written 402 00:27:20,075 --> 00:27:24,155 Speaker 1: me back. I had a sense immediately of it being 403 00:27:24,195 --> 00:27:28,595 Speaker 1: a special occasion. I believe only one author besides Royal 404 00:27:28,675 --> 00:27:31,635 Speaker 1: Dall replied to anybody in our class. I do know 405 00:27:31,675 --> 00:27:33,635 Speaker 1: the school thought it was a big enough deal to 406 00:27:33,675 --> 00:27:37,515 Speaker 1: call the town newspaper to do a story on it. 407 00:27:37,515 --> 00:27:39,595 Speaker 1: It's not as if I forgot the story, or the 408 00:27:39,675 --> 00:27:42,195 Speaker 1: letter or the sense of wonder at its arrival either. 409 00:27:42,555 --> 00:27:46,115 Speaker 1: But despite the coverage and the weekly Hastings News, it 410 00:27:46,235 --> 00:27:48,915 Speaker 1: still seemed like a very private family kind of thing. 411 00:27:48,955 --> 00:27:52,355 Speaker 1: And then in twenty ten somebody told me maybe it 412 00:27:52,435 --> 00:27:56,555 Speaker 1: was the publisher, that the private family thing had made 413 00:27:56,595 --> 00:28:00,795 Speaker 1: it into the authorized biography of Royal Dall, a book 414 00:28:00,835 --> 00:28:05,715 Speaker 1: called Storyteller by Donald Sturrock. He this next part I 415 00:28:05,795 --> 00:28:07,715 Speaker 1: did not. I think it's okay for me to bother 416 00:28:07,875 --> 00:28:12,355 Speaker 1: it here, quoting mister Sturrock, his stories were encouraging children 417 00:28:12,395 --> 00:28:14,635 Speaker 1: the world over to read books, and that many of 418 00:28:14,675 --> 00:28:17,675 Speaker 1: them loved his stories so much that they felt impelled 419 00:28:17,795 --> 00:28:20,995 Speaker 1: to write and tell him so. The current rate of 420 00:28:21,075 --> 00:28:23,635 Speaker 1: letters from children in the US is between fifty and 421 00:28:23,675 --> 00:28:26,315 Speaker 1: sixty a week. He had written to Mike Watkins in 422 00:28:26,395 --> 00:28:29,355 Speaker 1: nineteen sixty six. I try to answer them all with 423 00:28:29,395 --> 00:28:33,955 Speaker 1: a postcard. Roald was always a diligent and engaging correspondent, 424 00:28:33,995 --> 00:28:35,915 Speaker 1: and if he was in the right mood and thought 425 00:28:35,955 --> 00:28:39,955 Speaker 1: a child's letter particularly imaginative, he or she would receive 426 00:28:39,955 --> 00:28:43,835 Speaker 1: a fuller and more memorable response. When the sports journalist 427 00:28:43,915 --> 00:28:47,395 Speaker 1: and television anchorman Keith Ullerman was seven years old and 428 00:28:47,715 --> 00:28:51,115 Speaker 1: head of maps in his class at school, he wrote 429 00:28:51,115 --> 00:28:53,595 Speaker 1: to Dahl from Hastings on Hudson in New York and 430 00:28:53,675 --> 00:28:56,235 Speaker 1: told him at some length about his own writing ambitions 431 00:28:56,235 --> 00:29:00,835 Speaker 1: and successes. Roald's reply was thoughtful, generous, and full of 432 00:29:00,955 --> 00:29:06,195 Speaker 1: gentle ironic humor. My dear Keith, he began, it was 433 00:29:06,315 --> 00:29:10,115 Speaker 1: wonderful to receive a letter from a fellow author. It 434 00:29:10,155 --> 00:29:13,315 Speaker 1: meant so much more than the usual ordinary message from 435 00:29:13,355 --> 00:29:16,315 Speaker 1: a mere reader. As head of maps, you will be 436 00:29:16,355 --> 00:29:19,315 Speaker 1: able to calculate very easily what a long way your 437 00:29:19,435 --> 00:29:21,395 Speaker 1: letter had to travel in order to reach me in 438 00:29:21,395 --> 00:29:26,035 Speaker 1: this little village, thousands of miles. The postman, an elderly 439 00:29:26,035 --> 00:29:28,675 Speaker 1: fellow who comes on foot, knocked on the door this 440 00:29:28,715 --> 00:29:31,555 Speaker 1: morning and said, I have a letter from you, from 441 00:29:31,755 --> 00:29:35,795 Speaker 1: k Ulderman of Hastings, USA. I said, how do you know? 442 00:29:36,235 --> 00:29:39,555 Speaker 1: He said, it says so on the envelope. He is 443 00:29:39,595 --> 00:29:42,315 Speaker 1: a very inquisitive postman, and he likes to know who 444 00:29:42,395 --> 00:29:45,955 Speaker 1: is writing to me. Who is Ulderman asked the postman. 445 00:29:46,635 --> 00:29:49,595 Speaker 1: I opened the letter and read it. He is a writer, 446 00:29:49,795 --> 00:29:54,755 Speaker 1: I said, He has written more books than me. Ulderman's 447 00:29:54,795 --> 00:29:57,715 Speaker 1: parents later told the local newspaper that the letter had 448 00:29:57,755 --> 00:30:01,035 Speaker 1: given the boy the kick of his young life. Missus 449 00:30:01,115 --> 00:30:03,875 Speaker 1: Ulderman added that it just about proves that there are 450 00:30:03,875 --> 00:30:06,075 Speaker 1: still some very nice people left in this old, beat 451 00:30:06,155 --> 00:30:09,395 Speaker 1: up world. If all adults acted with such loving attention 452 00:30:09,435 --> 00:30:13,395 Speaker 1: to children, would it not be wonderful? Dall was quite 453 00:30:13,435 --> 00:30:16,155 Speaker 1: sincere when he argued that he thought children alone were 454 00:30:16,195 --> 00:30:18,955 Speaker 1: decent judges of whether a book written for them was 455 00:30:18,995 --> 00:30:21,595 Speaker 1: any good or not. In nineteen sixty two, he had 456 00:30:21,635 --> 00:30:23,755 Speaker 1: written to a child critic of James and the Giant 457 00:30:23,755 --> 00:30:26,355 Speaker 1: Peach to tell him that up to now, a whole 458 00:30:26,395 --> 00:30:28,875 Speaker 1: lot of grown ups have written reviews, but none of 459 00:30:28,915 --> 00:30:31,355 Speaker 1: them have really known what they were talking about, because 460 00:30:31,395 --> 00:30:34,035 Speaker 1: a grown up talking about a children's book is like 461 00:30:34,075 --> 00:30:40,035 Speaker 1: a man talking about a woman's hat. The author mister 462 00:30:40,155 --> 00:30:43,155 Speaker 1: Sturrock not only put me in the Authorized Biography of 463 00:30:43,235 --> 00:30:46,115 Speaker 1: Royal Doll, he also put me in the index there. 464 00:30:46,155 --> 00:30:50,555 Speaker 1: I am right between David Ogilvie, the advertising legend, and 465 00:30:50,755 --> 00:30:55,995 Speaker 1: Sir Lawrence Olivier. Left out of Sturrock's account and the 466 00:30:56,075 --> 00:30:58,155 Speaker 1: quotes from my mother was the fact that Mom was 467 00:30:58,195 --> 00:31:01,875 Speaker 1: a fan of the actress Patricia Neil, Roal Dall's wife, 468 00:31:02,235 --> 00:31:05,555 Speaker 1: and she had read horror stories about their marriage and 469 00:31:05,715 --> 00:31:10,115 Speaker 1: about Neil's stroke and Doll's tough love during her recovery. 470 00:31:10,515 --> 00:31:12,875 Speaker 1: As I began to appreciate her point of view and 471 00:31:13,115 --> 00:31:15,635 Speaker 1: Doll's books at the same time and his letter to me, 472 00:31:15,915 --> 00:31:19,075 Speaker 1: I began to formulate a theory that not everybody was 473 00:31:19,155 --> 00:31:22,355 Speaker 1: just one thing, that you could be good and bad 474 00:31:22,395 --> 00:31:26,995 Speaker 1: and shouldn't be judged on just half of yourself. Naturally, 475 00:31:27,035 --> 00:31:29,995 Speaker 1: I wrote my new penpal back he had mentioned having 476 00:31:30,035 --> 00:31:33,315 Speaker 1: a son about my age. In fact, Theo Doll had 477 00:31:33,315 --> 00:31:35,955 Speaker 1: been born in New York, just like I was, but 478 00:31:36,035 --> 00:31:38,955 Speaker 1: at the age of four months in his baby carriage, 479 00:31:39,235 --> 00:31:42,315 Speaker 1: Theo was hit by a cab and his injuries were 480 00:31:42,355 --> 00:31:46,195 Speaker 1: so profound that for a while he was blind, and 481 00:31:46,315 --> 00:31:50,195 Speaker 1: Royal Doll himself had helped to develop a shunt used 482 00:31:50,195 --> 00:31:53,795 Speaker 1: to drain swelling in Theo's brain to make his life 483 00:31:53,835 --> 00:31:57,275 Speaker 1: better and more worth While I did not know any 484 00:31:57,315 --> 00:31:59,875 Speaker 1: of this when I mentioned among the mundane details that 485 00:31:59,915 --> 00:32:02,235 Speaker 1: a seven year old was likely to tell an adult 486 00:32:02,275 --> 00:32:04,835 Speaker 1: in a letter that my middle name was Theodore. Or 487 00:32:05,715 --> 00:32:09,035 Speaker 1: I also apparently included some poems I had written. And 488 00:32:09,155 --> 00:32:13,355 Speaker 1: I know this because sure enough, Royal Dahl wrote back again. 489 00:32:14,395 --> 00:32:16,835 Speaker 1: This next letter did not come for nearly a year. 490 00:32:17,155 --> 00:32:21,315 Speaker 1: My dear Keith. It begins dated February second, nineteen sixty seven. 491 00:32:21,755 --> 00:32:25,355 Speaker 1: Your last letter was a very good one, so were 492 00:32:25,355 --> 00:32:30,915 Speaker 1: the poems. Imagine the impact of that from your favorite 493 00:32:30,955 --> 00:32:36,475 Speaker 1: writer right after your eighth birthday. But Dahl went on, 494 00:32:36,595 --> 00:32:38,515 Speaker 1: I hope you will not become a poet when you 495 00:32:38,555 --> 00:32:41,675 Speaker 1: grow up, because poets have a terribly hard time earning 496 00:32:41,675 --> 00:32:45,795 Speaker 1: a living. I am writing a musical film, he went on, 497 00:32:45,915 --> 00:32:48,915 Speaker 1: for Dick van Dyke, based roughly on Chitty Chitty Bang 498 00:32:48,955 --> 00:32:53,435 Speaker 1: Bang the Flying Motor Car. Could I have mentioned liking 499 00:32:53,475 --> 00:32:56,035 Speaker 1: this book by a different author in my letter to him, 500 00:32:56,155 --> 00:32:58,355 Speaker 1: or did he just decide to announce it to me. 501 00:32:59,355 --> 00:33:01,515 Speaker 1: We'll be making it here in England next summer and 502 00:33:01,635 --> 00:33:03,635 Speaker 1: you can go and see it in nineteen sixty eight 503 00:33:03,635 --> 00:33:06,275 Speaker 1: when you are nine years old. You will be impressed 504 00:33:06,275 --> 00:33:08,835 Speaker 1: at the things this car is going to do. With 505 00:33:08,955 --> 00:33:14,475 Speaker 1: love from Royal Doll I'm sure I wrote again. I 506 00:33:14,475 --> 00:33:18,715 Speaker 1: can almost remember he did not write back. I do 507 00:33:18,795 --> 00:33:22,035 Speaker 1: not recall holding it against him, nor do I now. 508 00:33:22,395 --> 00:33:24,675 Speaker 1: I do recall that when I followed his instructions and 509 00:33:24,715 --> 00:33:26,915 Speaker 1: went to see his movie, I think, in fact it 510 00:33:26,955 --> 00:33:29,755 Speaker 1: was my tenth birthday party in early nineteen sixty nine. 511 00:33:29,915 --> 00:33:34,435 Speaker 1: I was disappointed. Too much girl chasing, not enough car flying. 512 00:33:35,555 --> 00:33:38,995 Speaker 1: Still almost no one is all good or all bad, 513 00:33:38,995 --> 00:33:42,115 Speaker 1: and every new reissue of every Royal Doll book could 514 00:33:42,155 --> 00:33:45,355 Speaker 1: include a twenty page treatise about what was bad about 515 00:33:45,395 --> 00:33:48,555 Speaker 1: him and the negativities in that book and his other writings, 516 00:33:48,995 --> 00:33:54,155 Speaker 1: just so long as it is included instead of rather 517 00:33:54,195 --> 00:33:59,075 Speaker 1: than in addition to the nonsensical rewrites that Puffin Publishing 518 00:33:59,155 --> 00:34:02,515 Speaker 1: is produced. Also, I think it might be appropriate to 519 00:34:02,555 --> 00:34:05,355 Speaker 1: mention that though the letters from kids just in the 520 00:34:05,435 --> 00:34:10,915 Speaker 1: US just in nineteen sixty six totaled around what twenty 521 00:34:10,955 --> 00:34:14,355 Speaker 1: five hundred, he'd tried to answer them all with a 522 00:34:14,435 --> 00:34:20,275 Speaker 1: postcard or if you were very lucky, a letter, or 523 00:34:21,115 --> 00:34:25,355 Speaker 1: if you were very very lucky two letters, And to 524 00:34:25,475 --> 00:34:41,675 Speaker 1: mention forty three years later in his official biography, still 525 00:34:41,715 --> 00:34:45,235 Speaker 1: Ahead on Countdown Friday's with Thurber and Somebody once described 526 00:34:45,275 --> 00:34:49,395 Speaker 1: the work of James Thurber as optimistic cynicism. This week's 527 00:34:49,395 --> 00:34:55,035 Speaker 1: story ain't that optimistic. Maybe his darkest and certainly his 528 00:34:55,115 --> 00:34:59,915 Speaker 1: most prescient piece, The Greatest Man in the World. First, 529 00:34:59,915 --> 00:35:02,075 Speaker 1: in each tradition of countdown, we feature a dog in need. 530 00:35:02,115 --> 00:35:04,635 Speaker 1: You can help. Every dog has its day to Brooklyn 531 00:35:04,715 --> 00:35:08,155 Speaker 1: and Ben. Ben was astray, picked up and brought to 532 00:35:08,195 --> 00:35:11,195 Speaker 1: the New York Pound a week ago today, one week 533 00:35:11,235 --> 00:35:14,075 Speaker 1: and they are already ready to kill him. He's a 534 00:35:14,115 --> 00:35:16,955 Speaker 1: two year old Shepherd mix. He was starving. He has 535 00:35:16,955 --> 00:35:20,715 Speaker 1: a heart murmur. He's terrified, and surprisingly enough, he was 536 00:35:20,795 --> 00:35:24,875 Speaker 1: growling and starling. But he was also taking treats gently, 537 00:35:24,915 --> 00:35:29,075 Speaker 1: and he clearly knows his commands model citizen. Maybe not 538 00:35:29,475 --> 00:35:32,155 Speaker 1: should he die because he was astray after one week? 539 00:35:32,555 --> 00:35:35,035 Speaker 1: No where you can help defray the costs for a 540 00:35:35,115 --> 00:35:38,115 Speaker 1: rescue to get Ben out and train him. If you 541 00:35:38,115 --> 00:35:40,235 Speaker 1: can pledge some money, you will find Ben on my 542 00:35:40,315 --> 00:35:43,955 Speaker 1: Twitter feeds. Your retweets will also help. I thank you, 543 00:35:44,475 --> 00:36:05,715 Speaker 1: and Ben thanks you. To the master work of James Thurber. 544 00:36:05,995 --> 00:36:09,315 Speaker 1: There is a short film of this story. I don't 545 00:36:09,435 --> 00:36:11,995 Speaker 1: think it really does it justice. I don't think anything 546 00:36:12,035 --> 00:36:15,955 Speaker 1: does it justice. Occasionally real life does do it justice. 547 00:36:16,315 --> 00:36:19,595 Speaker 1: I've thought, I've seen this story playing out in real 548 00:36:19,675 --> 00:36:24,515 Speaker 1: time in this country almost every day for about seven years. 549 00:36:25,755 --> 00:36:30,235 Speaker 1: Sit back and relax, if relaxes the right word for it. 550 00:36:31,395 --> 00:36:36,275 Speaker 1: For the Greatest Man in the World by James Thurber. 551 00:36:38,675 --> 00:36:40,875 Speaker 1: Looking back on it now from the vantage point of 552 00:36:40,955 --> 00:36:44,155 Speaker 1: nineteen forty, one can only marvel that it had not happened. 553 00:36:44,195 --> 00:36:47,315 Speaker 1: Long before it did. The United States of America had 554 00:36:47,355 --> 00:36:52,755 Speaker 1: been ever since Kitty Hawk blindly constructing the elaborate petard 555 00:36:52,955 --> 00:36:58,315 Speaker 1: by which, sooner or later it must be hoist. It 556 00:36:58,395 --> 00:37:00,755 Speaker 1: was inevitable that someday there would come, roaring out of 557 00:37:00,795 --> 00:37:04,795 Speaker 1: the skies a national hero of insufficient intelligence, background, and 558 00:37:05,075 --> 00:37:08,995 Speaker 1: character successfully to endure the mounting orgies of glory prepared 559 00:37:09,035 --> 00:37:12,715 Speaker 1: for aviators who stayed up for a long time or 560 00:37:12,835 --> 00:37:17,915 Speaker 1: flew a great distance. Both Lindberg and Bird, fortunately for 561 00:37:18,035 --> 00:37:22,635 Speaker 1: national decorum and international amity, had been gentlemen, So had 562 00:37:22,635 --> 00:37:27,235 Speaker 1: our other famous aviators. They wore their laurels, gracefully, withstood 563 00:37:27,275 --> 00:37:31,195 Speaker 1: the awful weather of publicity, married excellent women, usually fine family, 564 00:37:31,955 --> 00:37:34,995 Speaker 1: and quietly retired to private life and the enjoyment of 565 00:37:35,035 --> 00:37:40,595 Speaker 1: their varying fortunes. No untoward incidents on a worldwide scale 566 00:37:40,755 --> 00:37:43,755 Speaker 1: marred the perfection of their conduct on the perilous heights 567 00:37:43,795 --> 00:37:49,635 Speaker 1: of fame. The exception to the rule was, however, bound 568 00:37:49,955 --> 00:37:54,555 Speaker 1: to occur, and it did in July nineteen thirty seven, 569 00:37:54,555 --> 00:38:00,395 Speaker 1: when Jack Pal Smirch erstwhile mechanics helper in a small 570 00:38:00,435 --> 00:38:05,915 Speaker 1: garage in Westfield, Iowa, flew a second hand single Breasthaven 571 00:38:06,075 --> 00:38:12,115 Speaker 1: Dragonfly three monoplane all the way around the world without stopping. 572 00:38:15,035 --> 00:38:17,315 Speaker 1: Never before in the history of aviation had such a 573 00:38:17,315 --> 00:38:20,235 Speaker 1: flight as Smirch has even been dreamed of. No one 574 00:38:20,315 --> 00:38:24,755 Speaker 1: had even taken seriously the weird floating auxiliary gas tanks 575 00:38:24,875 --> 00:38:28,035 Speaker 1: invention of the mad New Hampshire professor of astronomy, doctor 576 00:38:28,155 --> 00:38:33,275 Speaker 1: Charles Lewis Gresham, upon which Smirch placed full reliance. When 577 00:38:33,275 --> 00:38:38,355 Speaker 1: the garage worker, a slightly built, surly unprepossessing young men 578 00:38:38,395 --> 00:38:41,515 Speaker 1: of twenty two, appeared at Roosevelt Field early in July 579 00:38:41,635 --> 00:38:46,955 Speaker 1: nineteen thirty seven, slowly chewing a great quid of scrap tobacco, 580 00:38:47,155 --> 00:38:52,155 Speaker 1: and announced nobody ain't seen no flying yet. The newspapers 581 00:38:52,195 --> 00:38:56,875 Speaker 1: touched briefly and satirically upon his projected twenty five thousand 582 00:38:56,915 --> 00:39:02,075 Speaker 1: mile flight. Aeronauticle and automotive experts dismissed the idea, curtly 583 00:39:02,235 --> 00:39:06,035 Speaker 1: implying that it was a hoax of publicity stunt. The rusty, 584 00:39:06,395 --> 00:39:12,835 Speaker 1: battered second hand plane wouldn't go, the Gresham auxiliary tanks 585 00:39:13,195 --> 00:39:21,275 Speaker 1: wouldn't work. It was simply a cheap joke smirch. However, 586 00:39:21,475 --> 00:39:24,075 Speaker 1: after calling on a girl in Brooklyn who worked in 587 00:39:24,115 --> 00:39:27,595 Speaker 1: the flap folding department of a large paper box factory, 588 00:39:27,595 --> 00:39:30,675 Speaker 1: a girl whom he later described as his sweet but 589 00:39:30,795 --> 00:39:36,155 Speaker 1: duty climbed nonchalantly into his ridiculous plane at dawn the 590 00:39:36,235 --> 00:39:40,235 Speaker 1: memorable seventh of July nineteen thirty seven, spit a curve 591 00:39:40,395 --> 00:39:43,275 Speaker 1: of tobacco juice into the still air, and took off, 592 00:39:43,715 --> 00:39:47,035 Speaker 1: carrying with him only a gallon of bootleg gin and 593 00:39:47,275 --> 00:39:53,475 Speaker 1: six pounds of salami. When the garage boy thundered out 594 00:39:53,475 --> 00:39:55,835 Speaker 1: over the ocean, the papers were forced to record in 595 00:39:55,875 --> 00:39:59,955 Speaker 1: all seriousness that a mad, unknown young man his name 596 00:39:59,995 --> 00:40:04,395 Speaker 1: was variously misspelled, had actually set out upon a preposterous 597 00:40:04,355 --> 00:40:08,435 Speaker 1: atta to span the world in a rickety one engine contraption, 598 00:40:08,715 --> 00:40:12,795 Speaker 1: trusting to the long distance refueling device of a crazy schoolmaster, 599 00:40:13,595 --> 00:40:17,435 Speaker 1: when nine days later, without having stopped once, the tiny 600 00:40:17,515 --> 00:40:20,955 Speaker 1: plane appeared above San Francisco Bay, headed for New York, 601 00:40:21,115 --> 00:40:24,435 Speaker 1: spluttering and choking, to be sure, but still magnificently and 602 00:40:24,515 --> 00:40:28,955 Speaker 1: miraculously aloft the headlines, which long since had crowded everything 603 00:40:28,955 --> 00:40:31,595 Speaker 1: else off the front page. Even the shooting of the 604 00:40:31,635 --> 00:40:36,555 Speaker 1: governor of Illinois by the Valetti Gang swelled to unprecedented size, 605 00:40:36,915 --> 00:40:39,435 Speaker 1: and the news stories began to run to twenty five 606 00:40:39,755 --> 00:40:47,195 Speaker 1: and thirty columns. It was noticeable, however, that the accounts 607 00:40:47,235 --> 00:40:51,355 Speaker 1: of the epoch making flight touched rather lightly upon the 608 00:40:51,435 --> 00:40:56,275 Speaker 1: aviator himself. This was not because the facts about the 609 00:40:56,315 --> 00:41:00,035 Speaker 1: hero as a man were too meager, but because they 610 00:41:00,075 --> 00:41:04,515 Speaker 1: were too complete. Reporters who had been rushed out to 611 00:41:04,715 --> 00:41:07,875 Speaker 1: Iowa when Smirch's plane was first sighted over the little 612 00:41:07,915 --> 00:41:10,875 Speaker 1: French coast town of Sara Lee Lemaire to dig up 613 00:41:10,915 --> 00:41:13,715 Speaker 1: the story of the great man's life, had promptly discovered 614 00:41:14,435 --> 00:41:16,795 Speaker 1: that the story of his life could not be printed. 615 00:41:17,555 --> 00:41:20,715 Speaker 1: His mother, a sullen short order cook in a shack 616 00:41:20,795 --> 00:41:24,235 Speaker 1: restaurant on the edge of a tourist's camping ground near Westfield, 617 00:41:24,275 --> 00:41:26,835 Speaker 1: met all inquiries as to her son with an angry 618 00:41:27,195 --> 00:41:31,595 Speaker 1: and the hell with him Helpie drowns. His father appeared 619 00:41:31,595 --> 00:41:35,435 Speaker 1: to be in jail somewhere for stealing spotlights and lap 620 00:41:35,595 --> 00:41:40,515 Speaker 1: robes from tourists automobiles. His young brother, a weak minded lad, 621 00:41:40,955 --> 00:41:44,075 Speaker 1: had but recently escaped from the Preston, Iowa Reformatory and 622 00:41:44,155 --> 00:41:46,995 Speaker 1: was already wanted in several Western towns where the theft 623 00:41:47,035 --> 00:41:51,915 Speaker 1: of money order blanks from post offices. These alarming discoveries 624 00:41:52,115 --> 00:41:55,035 Speaker 1: were still piling up at the very time that pal Smirch, 625 00:41:55,315 --> 00:41:59,475 Speaker 1: the greatest hero of the twentieth century, blear eyed, dead 626 00:41:59,515 --> 00:42:03,555 Speaker 1: for sleep, half starved, was piloting his crazy junk heap 627 00:42:03,635 --> 00:42:06,195 Speaker 1: high above the region which the lamentable story of his 628 00:42:06,235 --> 00:42:09,355 Speaker 1: private life was being unearthed, headed for New York and 629 00:42:09,435 --> 00:42:12,435 Speaker 1: a greater glory than any man of his time had 630 00:42:12,435 --> 00:42:19,555 Speaker 1: ever known. The necessity for printing some account in the 631 00:42:19,595 --> 00:42:22,795 Speaker 1: papers of the young man's career and personality had led 632 00:42:22,835 --> 00:42:26,235 Speaker 1: to a remarkable predicament. It was, of course, impossible to 633 00:42:26,315 --> 00:42:30,635 Speaker 1: reveal the facts, for a tremendous popular feeling in favor 634 00:42:30,675 --> 00:42:32,995 Speaker 1: of the young hero had sprung up like a grass 635 00:42:33,075 --> 00:42:35,835 Speaker 1: fire when he was halfway across Europe. On his flight 636 00:42:35,875 --> 00:42:39,355 Speaker 1: around the Globe. He was therefore described as a modest, 637 00:42:39,475 --> 00:42:45,395 Speaker 1: chap taciturn blonde, popular with his friends, popular with girls. 638 00:42:46,155 --> 00:42:49,635 Speaker 1: The only available snapshot of Smirch, taken at the wheel 639 00:42:49,635 --> 00:42:52,395 Speaker 1: of a phony automobile in a cheap photo studio at 640 00:42:52,435 --> 00:42:55,315 Speaker 1: an amusement park, was touched up so that the little 641 00:42:55,435 --> 00:43:01,155 Speaker 1: vulgarian looked quite handsome. His twisted leer was smoothed into 642 00:43:01,235 --> 00:43:05,035 Speaker 1: a pleasant smile. The truth was in this way kept 643 00:43:05,035 --> 00:43:08,675 Speaker 1: from the youth's ecstatic compatriots. They did not dream that 644 00:43:08,755 --> 00:43:12,995 Speaker 1: the Smirch family was despised and feared by its neighbors 645 00:43:12,995 --> 00:43:15,995 Speaker 1: in the obscure Iowa town, nor that the hero himself 646 00:43:16,555 --> 00:43:20,315 Speaker 1: because if numerous unsavory exploits had come to be regarded 647 00:43:20,315 --> 00:43:25,955 Speaker 1: in Westfield as a nuisance and a menace, Pal Smirch had, 648 00:43:25,995 --> 00:43:29,835 Speaker 1: the reporters discovered, once knife the principle of his high school, 649 00:43:30,435 --> 00:43:33,395 Speaker 1: not mortally, to be sure, but he had knifed him, 650 00:43:33,435 --> 00:43:37,075 Speaker 1: and on another occasion, surprised in the act of an 651 00:43:37,315 --> 00:43:41,155 Speaker 1: stealing altarcloth from a church, he had bashed the sexton 652 00:43:41,275 --> 00:43:44,635 Speaker 1: over the head with a pot of Easter lilies. For 653 00:43:44,795 --> 00:43:47,915 Speaker 1: each of these offenses he had served a sentence in 654 00:43:47,955 --> 00:43:53,035 Speaker 1: the reformatory. Inwardly, the authorities, both in New York and 655 00:43:53,115 --> 00:43:57,755 Speaker 1: in Washington, prayed that an understanding providence might, however awful, 656 00:43:57,955 --> 00:44:02,435 Speaker 1: such a thing seemed, bring disaster to the rusty, battered 657 00:44:02,435 --> 00:44:05,395 Speaker 1: plane and its illustrious pilot, whose un heard of flight 658 00:44:05,595 --> 00:44:09,675 Speaker 1: had aroused the civilized world to hosannas of hysterical praise. 659 00:44:10,755 --> 00:44:13,835 Speaker 1: The authorities were convinced that the character of the renowned 660 00:44:13,875 --> 00:44:17,395 Speaker 1: aviator was such that the limelight of adulation was bound 661 00:44:17,435 --> 00:44:22,195 Speaker 1: to reveal him to all the world as a congenital hooligan, 662 00:44:22,635 --> 00:44:27,195 Speaker 1: mentally and morally unequipped to cope with his own prodigious fame. 663 00:44:28,595 --> 00:44:31,195 Speaker 1: A trust, said the Secretary of State, at one of 664 00:44:31,235 --> 00:44:35,475 Speaker 1: the many secret cabinet meetings called to consider the national dilemma, 665 00:44:35,715 --> 00:44:41,315 Speaker 1: A trust that his mother's prayer will be answered, by 666 00:44:41,355 --> 00:44:44,315 Speaker 1: which he referred to missus Emma's Smirch's wish that her 667 00:44:44,355 --> 00:44:48,875 Speaker 1: son might be drowned. Was, however, too late, for that 668 00:44:49,275 --> 00:44:51,835 Speaker 1: Smirch had leaped the Atlantic and then the Pacific as 669 00:44:51,875 --> 00:44:54,875 Speaker 1: if they were mill ponds. At three minutes after two 670 00:44:54,875 --> 00:44:58,035 Speaker 1: o'clock on the afternoon of July seventeenth, nineteen thirty seven, 671 00:44:58,155 --> 00:45:02,075 Speaker 1: the garage boy brought his idiotic plane into Roosevelt Field 672 00:45:02,075 --> 00:45:07,075 Speaker 1: for a perfect three point landing. It had, of course 673 00:45:07,475 --> 00:45:10,115 Speaker 1: been out of the question to arrange a modest little 674 00:45:10,155 --> 00:45:13,155 Speaker 1: reception for the greatest flyer in the history of the world. 675 00:45:13,395 --> 00:45:16,315 Speaker 1: He was received at Roosevelt Field with such elaborate and 676 00:45:16,355 --> 00:45:22,075 Speaker 1: pretentious ceremonies as rocked the world. Fortunately, however, the warren 677 00:45:22,155 --> 00:45:26,315 Speaker 1: and spent hero promptly swooned, had to be removed bodily 678 00:45:26,355 --> 00:45:28,795 Speaker 1: from his plane, and was spirited from the field without 679 00:45:28,835 --> 00:45:32,515 Speaker 1: having opened his mouth once. Thus he did not jeopardize 680 00:45:32,555 --> 00:45:36,955 Speaker 1: the dignity of his first reception, a reception illumined by 681 00:45:36,995 --> 00:45:39,635 Speaker 1: the presence of the Secretaries of War and the Navy, 682 00:45:39,875 --> 00:45:43,235 Speaker 1: Mayor Michael J. Moriarty of New York, the Premier of Canada, 683 00:45:43,475 --> 00:45:46,955 Speaker 1: Governor's Panamon Groves, McFeeley and Critchfield, and a brilliant array 684 00:45:46,995 --> 00:45:51,195 Speaker 1: of European diplomats. Smirch did not, in fact come two 685 00:45:51,875 --> 00:45:54,715 Speaker 1: in time to take part in the gigantic hullabaloo arranged 686 00:45:54,715 --> 00:45:57,315 Speaker 1: at City Hall for the next day. He was rushed 687 00:45:57,355 --> 00:46:01,795 Speaker 1: to a secluded nursing home and confined in bed. It 688 00:46:01,835 --> 00:46:04,315 Speaker 1: was nine days before he was able to get up, or, 689 00:46:04,355 --> 00:46:10,435 Speaker 1: to be more exact, before he was permitted to get up. Meanwhile, 690 00:46:10,435 --> 00:46:13,155 Speaker 1: the greatest minds in the country, in solemn assembly, had 691 00:46:13,235 --> 00:46:17,475 Speaker 1: arranged a secret conference of city, state, and government officials, 692 00:46:17,475 --> 00:46:20,755 Speaker 1: which Smirch was to attend for the purpose of being 693 00:46:20,795 --> 00:46:27,595 Speaker 1: instructed in the ethics and behavior of heroism. On the 694 00:46:27,675 --> 00:46:29,995 Speaker 1: day that the little mechanic was finally allowed to get 695 00:46:30,035 --> 00:46:32,075 Speaker 1: up and dress, and for the first time in two weeks, 696 00:46:32,115 --> 00:46:34,715 Speaker 1: took a great chew of tobacco, he was permitted to 697 00:46:34,755 --> 00:46:38,835 Speaker 1: receive the newspaper men this by way of testing him out. 698 00:46:39,995 --> 00:46:43,955 Speaker 1: Smirch did not wait for questions. Use guys, he said, 699 00:46:44,595 --> 00:46:48,235 Speaker 1: and the Times Man winced. Use guys can tell a 700 00:46:48,315 --> 00:46:51,275 Speaker 1: cock eyed world that I put it over on Lindbergh. 701 00:46:51,355 --> 00:46:56,395 Speaker 1: See yeah, man, an, I said, I'm two frogs. The 702 00:46:56,715 --> 00:46:59,835 Speaker 1: two frogs. It was a reference to a pair of 703 00:47:00,115 --> 00:47:04,035 Speaker 1: gallant French flyers, who, in attempting to flight only halfway 704 00:47:04,115 --> 00:47:06,555 Speaker 1: round the world, had two weeks before unhappily been lost 705 00:47:06,595 --> 00:47:10,235 Speaker 1: at sea. The Times Man was bold enough at this 706 00:47:10,275 --> 00:47:13,435 Speaker 1: point to sketch out for Smirch the accepted formula for 707 00:47:13,595 --> 00:47:16,635 Speaker 1: interviews in cases of this kind He explained that there 708 00:47:16,715 --> 00:47:21,555 Speaker 1: should be no arrogant statements belittling the achievements of other heroes, 709 00:47:21,595 --> 00:47:26,435 Speaker 1: particularly heroes of foreign nations. To hell with that, said Smirch, 710 00:47:27,235 --> 00:47:30,235 Speaker 1: I did it. See I did it, and I'm talking 711 00:47:30,315 --> 00:47:35,235 Speaker 1: about it, and he did talk about it. None of 712 00:47:35,275 --> 00:47:39,675 Speaker 1: this extraordinary interview was, of course printed. On the contrary, 713 00:47:39,715 --> 00:47:42,915 Speaker 1: the newspapers, already under the discipline direction of a secret 714 00:47:42,915 --> 00:47:46,795 Speaker 1: directorate created for the occasion and composed of statesmen and editors, 715 00:47:47,155 --> 00:47:50,075 Speaker 1: gave out to a panting and restless world that Jackie, 716 00:47:50,835 --> 00:47:54,435 Speaker 1: as he had been arbitrarily nicknamed, would consent to say 717 00:47:54,435 --> 00:47:57,875 Speaker 1: only that he was very happy, and that anyone could 718 00:47:57,915 --> 00:48:01,115 Speaker 1: have done what he did. My achievement has been I 719 00:48:01,155 --> 00:48:05,635 Speaker 1: fear slightly exaggerated. The Times Man's article had him protest 720 00:48:05,675 --> 00:48:09,835 Speaker 1: with a modest smile. These newspapers stories were kept from 721 00:48:09,835 --> 00:48:13,075 Speaker 1: the hero, a restriction which did not serve to abate 722 00:48:13,155 --> 00:48:18,075 Speaker 1: the rising malevolence of his temper. The situation was indeed 723 00:48:18,235 --> 00:48:23,675 Speaker 1: extremely grave for Powell. Smirch was, as he kept insisting, 724 00:48:24,115 --> 00:48:27,955 Speaker 1: raring to go. He could not much longer be kept 725 00:48:27,955 --> 00:48:30,795 Speaker 1: from a nation clamorous to lionize him. It was the 726 00:48:30,835 --> 00:48:34,155 Speaker 1: most desperate crisis the United States of America had faced 727 00:48:34,155 --> 00:48:40,035 Speaker 1: since the sinking of Lusitania. On the afternoon of the 728 00:48:40,075 --> 00:48:43,355 Speaker 1: twenty seventh of July, Smirch was spirited away to a 729 00:48:43,395 --> 00:48:48,515 Speaker 1: conference room in which were gathered mayors, governors, government officials, behaviorist, psychologists, 730 00:48:48,555 --> 00:48:52,475 Speaker 1: and editors. He gave them each a limp moist paw, 731 00:48:52,955 --> 00:48:59,435 Speaker 1: and a brief, unlovely grin hi, he said. When Smirch 732 00:48:59,515 --> 00:49:01,635 Speaker 1: was seated, the Mayor of New York arose, and, with 733 00:49:01,675 --> 00:49:05,395 Speaker 1: obvious pessimism, attempted to explain what he must say and 734 00:49:05,475 --> 00:49:09,035 Speaker 1: how he must act when presented to the world, ending 735 00:49:09,075 --> 00:49:11,515 Speaker 1: his talk with a high tribute to the hero's courage 736 00:49:11,515 --> 00:49:14,755 Speaker 1: and integrity. The Mayor was followed by Governor Fannaman of 737 00:49:14,795 --> 00:49:18,395 Speaker 1: New York, who, after a touching declaration of faith, introduced 738 00:49:18,675 --> 00:49:22,795 Speaker 1: Cameron Spottiswood, second Secretary of the American Embassy in Paris, 739 00:49:22,955 --> 00:49:26,995 Speaker 1: the gentleman selected to coach Smirch in the amenities of 740 00:49:27,035 --> 00:49:31,995 Speaker 1: public ceremonies. Sitting in a chair with a soiled yellow 741 00:49:32,075 --> 00:49:35,315 Speaker 1: tie in his hand and his shirt open at the throat, unshaved, 742 00:49:35,795 --> 00:49:40,115 Speaker 1: smoking a rolled cigarette, Jack Smirch listened with a leer 743 00:49:40,235 --> 00:49:44,155 Speaker 1: on his lips. I get you, I get you, he 744 00:49:44,235 --> 00:49:46,955 Speaker 1: cut in nastily. You want me to act like a 745 00:49:47,155 --> 00:49:50,995 Speaker 1: softy huh, you want me to act like that memony 746 00:49:51,115 --> 00:49:55,595 Speaker 1: memedy baby faced Lindberg Huh, well, nuts to that. See. 747 00:49:56,435 --> 00:49:59,795 Speaker 1: Everyone took in his breath sharply. It was a sigh 748 00:49:59,835 --> 00:50:05,635 Speaker 1: and a hiss. Mister Lindbergh began a United States Senator 749 00:50:05,755 --> 00:50:10,435 Speaker 1: purple with rage, and mister bird Smirch, who was pairing 750 00:50:10,475 --> 00:50:14,755 Speaker 1: his nails with a jackknife, cut in again. Boyd, He exclaimed, Oh, 751 00:50:14,875 --> 00:50:18,675 Speaker 1: for God's sake, that pick. Somebody shut off the blasphemies 752 00:50:18,755 --> 00:50:21,635 Speaker 1: with a sharp word. A newcomer had entered the word 753 00:50:21,795 --> 00:50:24,835 Speaker 1: the room. Everyone stood up, except Smirch, who was still 754 00:50:24,835 --> 00:50:27,955 Speaker 1: busy with his nails, and he did not even glance up. 755 00:50:28,075 --> 00:50:32,075 Speaker 1: Mister Smirch, said someone sternly. The President of the United States. 756 00:50:33,195 --> 00:50:35,075 Speaker 1: It had been thought that the presence of the Chief 757 00:50:35,075 --> 00:50:38,035 Speaker 1: Executive might have a chastening effect on the young hero, 758 00:50:38,475 --> 00:50:41,435 Speaker 1: and the former had been, thanks to the remarkable cooperation 759 00:50:41,475 --> 00:50:46,115 Speaker 1: of the press, secretly brought to the obscure conference room. 760 00:50:46,155 --> 00:50:55,835 Speaker 1: A great painful silence fell. Smirch looked up, waved a 761 00:50:55,875 --> 00:50:59,835 Speaker 1: hand at the President. How are you coming, he asked, 762 00:51:00,715 --> 00:51:09,515 Speaker 1: and began rolling a fresh cigarette. The silence deepened. Someone 763 00:51:09,675 --> 00:51:14,515 Speaker 1: coughed in a strained way. Jees, it's hot, ain't it, 764 00:51:14,595 --> 00:51:20,115 Speaker 1: said smirch. He loosened two more shirt buttons, revealing a 765 00:51:20,115 --> 00:51:24,475 Speaker 1: hairy chest and the tattooed word sadie enclosed in a 766 00:51:24,555 --> 00:51:29,115 Speaker 1: stenciled heart. The great and important men in the room, 767 00:51:29,195 --> 00:51:33,595 Speaker 1: faced by the most serious crisis in American history, exchanged 768 00:51:33,675 --> 00:51:38,715 Speaker 1: worried frowns. Nobody seemed to know how to proceed. Come on, 769 00:51:39,075 --> 00:51:42,115 Speaker 1: come on, said smirch. Let's get the hell out of here. 770 00:51:42,675 --> 00:51:45,435 Speaker 1: Why do I start cutting in on the parties? Eh? 771 00:51:45,475 --> 00:51:50,235 Speaker 1: And when is there gonna be this in it? He 772 00:51:50,315 --> 00:51:55,235 Speaker 1: rubbed a thumb and forefinger together meaningly. Money, exclaimed a 773 00:51:55,315 --> 00:52:00,875 Speaker 1: state senator, shocked Pale. Yeah, money, said pal, flipping his 774 00:52:00,875 --> 00:52:04,555 Speaker 1: cigarette out of the window. And big money. He began 775 00:52:04,755 --> 00:52:10,075 Speaker 1: rolling a fresh cigarette. Big money, he repeated, Frowning over 776 00:52:10,115 --> 00:52:13,195 Speaker 1: the rice paper. He tilted back in his chair and 777 00:52:13,395 --> 00:52:17,435 Speaker 1: leered at each gentleman separately, the leer of an animal 778 00:52:17,515 --> 00:52:21,155 Speaker 1: that knows its power, the leer of a leopard loose 779 00:52:21,235 --> 00:52:25,315 Speaker 1: in a bird and dog shop. Ah, for God's sake, 780 00:52:25,635 --> 00:52:29,035 Speaker 1: let's get someplace where it's cool, he said, I've been 781 00:52:29,075 --> 00:52:33,355 Speaker 1: cooped up plenty for three weeks. Smirch stood up and 782 00:52:33,395 --> 00:52:36,515 Speaker 1: walked over to an open window, where he stood staring 783 00:52:36,555 --> 00:52:41,475 Speaker 1: down into the street nine floors below. The faint shouting 784 00:52:41,475 --> 00:52:44,875 Speaker 1: of newsboys floated up to him. He made out his name, 785 00:52:45,235 --> 00:52:50,435 Speaker 1: hot Dog, he cried, grinning ecstatic. He leaned out over 786 00:52:50,515 --> 00:52:55,555 Speaker 1: the sill Yo, tell of babies. He shouted down, hot 787 00:52:55,675 --> 00:52:59,755 Speaker 1: Diggity Dog. In the tense little knot of men standing 788 00:52:59,755 --> 00:53:04,235 Speaker 1: behind him, a quick, mad impulse flared up. An unspoken 789 00:53:04,275 --> 00:53:08,075 Speaker 1: word of appeal of command seemed to ring through the room, 790 00:53:08,395 --> 00:53:12,555 Speaker 1: yet it was deadly silent. Charles K. L Brand, secretary 791 00:53:12,595 --> 00:53:14,315 Speaker 1: to the Mayor of New York City, happened to be 792 00:53:14,355 --> 00:53:18,075 Speaker 1: standing nearest Smirch. He looked inquiringly at the President of 793 00:53:18,115 --> 00:53:23,875 Speaker 1: the United States. The President, pale Grimm, nodded shortly. Brand, 794 00:53:24,115 --> 00:53:27,795 Speaker 1: a tall, powerfully built man wants to tackle at Rutgers University, 795 00:53:28,115 --> 00:53:31,435 Speaker 1: stepped forward, seized the greatest man in the world by 796 00:53:31,435 --> 00:53:33,475 Speaker 1: his left shoulder and the seat of his pants, and 797 00:53:33,595 --> 00:53:37,195 Speaker 1: pushed him out the window. My god, he's fallen out 798 00:53:37,235 --> 00:53:40,115 Speaker 1: the window, cried a quick witted editor. Get me out 799 00:53:40,115 --> 00:53:42,675 Speaker 1: of here, cried the President. Several men sprang to his side, 800 00:53:42,675 --> 00:53:44,635 Speaker 1: and he was hurriedly escorted out of a door toward 801 00:53:44,675 --> 00:53:46,715 Speaker 1: a side entrance of the building. The editor of the 802 00:53:46,755 --> 00:53:49,955 Speaker 1: Associated Press took charge, being used to such things crisply, 803 00:53:49,995 --> 00:53:53,075 Speaker 1: he ordered certain men to leave, others to stay quickly. 804 00:53:53,075 --> 00:53:55,315 Speaker 1: He outlined a story which all the papers were to 805 00:53:55,355 --> 00:53:57,795 Speaker 1: agree on, sent two men to the street to handle 806 00:53:57,835 --> 00:54:00,475 Speaker 1: that end of the tragedy, commanded a senator to Saab 807 00:54:00,715 --> 00:54:05,475 Speaker 1: and two congressmen to go to pieces nervously word he 808 00:54:05,675 --> 00:54:09,115 Speaker 1: skillfully set the stage for the gigantic task that was 809 00:54:09,155 --> 00:54:12,595 Speaker 1: to follow, the task of breaking to a grief stricken 810 00:54:12,675 --> 00:54:17,955 Speaker 1: world the sad story of the untimely accidental death of 811 00:54:17,995 --> 00:54:24,355 Speaker 1: its most illustrious and spectacular figure. The funeral was, as 812 00:54:24,395 --> 00:54:30,035 Speaker 1: you know, the most elaborate, the finest, the solemnest, and 813 00:54:30,155 --> 00:54:33,235 Speaker 1: the saddest ever held in the United States of America. 814 00:54:33,515 --> 00:54:37,635 Speaker 1: The monument in Arlington Cemetery, with its clean white shaft 815 00:54:37,715 --> 00:54:41,635 Speaker 1: of marble, than the simple device of a tiny plane 816 00:54:41,795 --> 00:54:47,235 Speaker 1: carved on its base, is a place for pilgrims in 817 00:54:47,355 --> 00:54:51,915 Speaker 1: deep reverence to visit. The nations of the world paid 818 00:54:52,035 --> 00:54:58,315 Speaker 1: lofty tributes to little Jackie Smirch, America's greatest hero. At 819 00:54:58,315 --> 00:55:01,395 Speaker 1: a given hour, there were two minutes of silence throughout 820 00:55:01,395 --> 00:55:04,995 Speaker 1: the nation. Even the inhabitants of the small, bewind ordered 821 00:55:05,075 --> 00:55:10,155 Speaker 1: town of Westfield, Iowa, observed this touching ceremony. Agents of 822 00:55:10,195 --> 00:55:13,995 Speaker 1: the Department of Justice sought to that one of them 823 00:55:14,235 --> 00:55:17,155 Speaker 1: was especially assigned to stand grimly in the doorway of 824 00:55:17,195 --> 00:55:20,755 Speaker 1: a little shack restaurant on the edge of the tourist's 825 00:55:20,795 --> 00:55:26,675 Speaker 1: camping ground just outside the town. There, under his stern scrutiny, 826 00:55:27,115 --> 00:55:30,955 Speaker 1: Missus Emma Smirch bowed her head over to Hamburger stakes 827 00:55:30,955 --> 00:55:34,715 Speaker 1: sizzling on her grill. Bowed her head and turned away 828 00:55:35,835 --> 00:55:39,275 Speaker 1: so that the secret service man could not see the twisted, 829 00:55:40,035 --> 00:55:47,915 Speaker 1: strangely familiar leer on her lips. The Greatest Man in 830 00:55:47,955 --> 00:56:05,595 Speaker 1: the World by James Thurber Countdown has come to you 831 00:56:05,635 --> 00:56:09,515 Speaker 1: from the studios of Alderman Broadcasting Empire World Headquarters in 832 00:56:09,555 --> 00:56:12,955 Speaker 1: the Sports Capsule Building in New York. Thank you for listening. 833 00:56:13,235 --> 00:56:15,395 Speaker 1: Here are the credits. Most of the music was arranged, 834 00:56:15,435 --> 00:56:18,915 Speaker 1: produced and performed by Brian Ray and John Philip Channel. 835 00:56:19,195 --> 00:56:22,955 Speaker 1: They are the Countdown Musical Directors, produced by Tko Brothers. 836 00:56:23,195 --> 00:56:27,115 Speaker 1: All orchestration and keyboards by John Philip Channel guitarist, bass 837 00:56:27,195 --> 00:56:30,395 Speaker 1: and drums by Brian Ray. Other Beethoven selections have been 838 00:56:30,475 --> 00:56:33,435 Speaker 1: arranged and performed by the group No Horns Allowed. The 839 00:56:33,515 --> 00:56:36,995 Speaker 1: sports music is the Olderman theme from ESPN two, and 840 00:56:37,115 --> 00:56:40,315 Speaker 1: it was written by Mitch Warren Davis courtesy of ESPN, Inc. 841 00:56:40,835 --> 00:56:44,195 Speaker 1: Musical comments from Nancy Fauss The best baseball stadium organist ever. 842 00:56:44,475 --> 00:56:47,355 Speaker 1: Our announcer today was my friend Richard Lewis, and everything 843 00:56:47,395 --> 00:56:49,995 Speaker 1: else was pretty much my fault. So let's countdown for 844 00:56:50,035 --> 00:56:52,875 Speaker 1: this the seven hundred and eightieth day since Donald Trump's 845 00:56:52,875 --> 00:56:56,235 Speaker 1: first attempted coup against the democratically elected government of the 846 00:56:56,315 --> 00:57:00,435 Speaker 1: United States. Arrest him now while we still can. The 847 00:57:00,555 --> 00:57:03,875 Speaker 1: next schedule countdown is Monday. Until then, I'm Keith Olderman. 848 00:57:03,915 --> 00:57:07,035 Speaker 1: Good Morning, gonna have to noon, goodnight, and good luck. 849 00:57:17,955 --> 00:57:21,915 Speaker 1: Countdown with Keith Olderman is a production of iHeartRadio. For 850 00:57:22,115 --> 00:57:26,995 Speaker 1: more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, 851 00:57:27,235 --> 00:57:29,235 Speaker 1: or wherever you get your podcasts.