WEBVTT - GECKMAIL: “I BETRAYED MY BANDMATE” 0:00:00.080 --> 0:00:05.440 Hello everyone, and welcome to the Therapy Gecko Podcast. Thank 0:00:05.440 --> 0:00:09.720 you folks for tuning in with me today being here 0:00:10.080 --> 0:00:14.560 with me as we continue in the year twenty twenty six. 0:00:15.240 --> 0:00:19.120 God damn it to do this Gecko show. My name 0:00:19.200 --> 0:00:22.320 is Lyle and I'm going to be hanging out with 0:00:22.360 --> 0:00:26.960 you guys for the next hour reading some emails that 0:00:27.080 --> 0:00:31.200 people have sent me to the email address therapy Gecko 0:00:31.360 --> 0:00:38.040 mail at gmail dot com. We have a lot of 0:00:38.360 --> 0:00:42.640 good ones today. I say that every time, but I 0:00:42.640 --> 0:00:44.800 actually don't know this time. I just said that because 0:00:44.800 --> 0:00:49.680 I haven't read any of the headlines yet. But let's 0:00:49.680 --> 0:00:52.000 get into them. Oh wait, I'll go away actually before 0:00:52.000 --> 0:00:56.360 we do that. Before we do that, folks, I declare 0:00:57.520 --> 0:01:03.480 to you all formal that tickets for my twenty twenty 0:01:03.560 --> 0:01:10.160 six tour are on sale right now at therapy Gecko 0:01:10.760 --> 0:01:16.400 tour dot com, which I will link in the episode description. 0:01:17.360 --> 0:01:20.039 I'm going to thirty cities. I'm gonna list as many 0:01:20.040 --> 0:01:23.800 of them really fast as I possibly can. San Diego, 0:01:23.959 --> 0:01:33.440 La As, San Francisco, Portland, Seattle, Vancouver, Minneapolis, Cleveland, Pittsburgh, Charlotte, Madison, Detroit, Bloomington, Chicago, Atlanta, Nashville, 0:01:33.600 --> 0:01:40.959 d C, Philly, New York, Boston, Toronto, Lansing, Michigan, Grand Rapids, Michigan, Montreal, Vegas, 0:01:41.000 --> 0:01:46.840 Salt Lake City, Denver, Phoenix, Austin, New Orleans, and motherfucking Anchorage, Alaska. 0:01:48.280 --> 0:01:52.360 I will be going to all of those cities this 0:01:52.480 --> 0:02:00.120 year to do a combination of storytelling, comedy, and of 0:02:00.160 --> 0:02:06.080 course Gecko therapy where we bring folks up from the audience. 0:02:07.640 --> 0:02:10.160 I've lived a lot of life in the past, however 0:02:10.240 --> 0:02:12.640 many years, I've got some stories to tell about it. 0:02:13.200 --> 0:02:15.680 And you've all lived a lot of life in the past. 0:02:15.680 --> 0:02:18.400 However many years you've all got stories to tell about it. 0:02:19.000 --> 0:02:24.440 So let's all get together and tell our stories. Therapy 0:02:24.800 --> 0:02:28.880 Gecko Tour dot Com. Tickets to all of those dates 0:02:28.960 --> 0:02:34.040 are available right now, except Alaska, but you can still 0:02:34.080 --> 0:02:35.959 go an RSVP if you want to go to the 0:02:36.000 --> 0:02:40.960 Alaska show. So yeah, please, I'm very excited to go 0:02:41.080 --> 0:02:43.280 on my fourth tour. I hope to see you all there, 0:02:43.520 --> 0:02:46.639 and you can go buy tickets right now Therapy Gecko 0:02:46.720 --> 0:02:53.359 Tour dot Com or the link in the episode description. Okay, anyway, 0:02:53.960 --> 0:03:01.680 let's read some emails. This is from Lard. Subject line 0:03:02.200 --> 0:03:07.040 betrayed my friend. Hey ghek, I wish I had a 0:03:07.080 --> 0:03:09.919 happier topic, but here we are. I did the worst 0:03:09.919 --> 0:03:12.440 thing you could possibly do to my best friend, and 0:03:12.480 --> 0:03:16.000 the guilt and shame is eating me alive. The TLDR 0:03:16.080 --> 0:03:19.919 as I stole his girl from him. This story is complicated, 0:03:20.000 --> 0:03:22.119 and I want to make clear I'm not seeking sympathy 0:03:22.200 --> 0:03:25.040 or any of the sort. I take full responsibility for 0:03:25.120 --> 0:03:28.160 my actions and I have zero excuses. I'm just putting 0:03:28.160 --> 0:03:31.240 this here to get it off my chest. The story is, 0:03:31.680 --> 0:03:34.639 me and my friend have been friends for years. We've 0:03:34.639 --> 0:03:37.400 made a lot of music together, been in many bands, 0:03:37.600 --> 0:03:40.600 and I dated this girl before he ever did. We 0:03:40.720 --> 0:03:44.200 broke up, and then very soon after my friends and 0:03:44.240 --> 0:03:46.760 her started dating. And this went on for a long 0:03:46.840 --> 0:03:49.280 time and me and the girl, Me and the girl 0:03:49.400 --> 0:03:52.480 both never fully got over each other. All three of 0:03:52.560 --> 0:03:55.560 us were very, very close, and even moved far away 0:03:55.600 --> 0:03:59.000 to the same city together. We did everything together, the 0:03:59.000 --> 0:04:02.560 three of us, including vacations. I basically hung out with 0:04:02.600 --> 0:04:05.320 them for almost five days a week, it seemed. We 0:04:05.440 --> 0:04:08.280 even all lived together for a time. For a while. 0:04:08.320 --> 0:04:10.800 It was totally fine, and sometimes we would talk about 0:04:10.800 --> 0:04:12.680 things with each other, and you could tell there was 0:04:12.720 --> 0:04:15.560 some kind of unhashed feelings from both of us, but 0:04:15.640 --> 0:04:17.800 we never went too deep into it, and the fires 0:04:17.880 --> 0:04:21.120 kept getting stoked, so to speak. Because of how intertwined 0:04:21.120 --> 0:04:24.279 our lives were, it was difficult to deny these feelings 0:04:24.279 --> 0:04:26.560 we both had for a while, and I handled it 0:04:26.600 --> 0:04:29.600 in the worst possible way. I'm leaving out a lot 0:04:29.600 --> 0:04:31.920 of detail, so I don't type an entire book here, 0:04:32.120 --> 0:04:35.320 but you get the idea. I let my feelings get 0:04:35.320 --> 0:04:37.479 the best of me, and I betrayed my friend to 0:04:37.560 --> 0:04:41.440 get this girl. Instead of having a mature, difficult conversation 0:04:41.640 --> 0:04:44.240 or confronting the feelings I had for this person, I 0:04:44.360 --> 0:04:48.360 just suppressed everything and it all boiled over. Obviously, me 0:04:48.400 --> 0:04:51.080 and the friend don't speak anymore, as they have since moved, 0:04:51.320 --> 0:04:53.960 and I'm ransacked with guilt and shame every day of 0:04:53.960 --> 0:04:56.440 how I handled the situation, and I wish I could 0:04:56.440 --> 0:04:59.240 have done things differently, and I hate hurting someone the 0:04:59.240 --> 0:05:01.960 way I did. I'll forever be sorry to my friend 0:05:02.080 --> 0:05:04.640 and I miss them dearly every day, but it's exactly 0:05:04.680 --> 0:05:06.800 what I deserve. I know I'll get a lot of 0:05:06.839 --> 0:05:09.120 heat for this, and rightfully so, but I wanted to 0:05:09.120 --> 0:05:11.840 get it off my chest. Not entirely sure what advice 0:05:11.880 --> 0:05:13.839 you could even give me, but maybe how to move 0:05:13.880 --> 0:05:16.360 on and like yourself again after a major fuck up. 0:05:16.600 --> 0:05:20.440 If you read this far, thank you Gek Bless. Wow. 0:05:22.160 --> 0:05:27.120 I feel like I just watched a CW original movie 0:05:28.040 --> 0:05:33.799 something like that. This felt Umm I really I wonder 0:05:33.839 --> 0:05:37.039 how old this guy is. This is This is a 0:05:37.120 --> 0:05:42.840 very two thousand and three email. I feel you guys 0:05:42.839 --> 0:05:46.920 were in a band, you both, the three of you guys. 0:05:46.960 --> 0:05:49.600 I mean, it's just something about this just feels classic. 0:05:49.680 --> 0:05:54.760 I feel like this whole thing is very I don't know. 0:05:55.960 --> 0:06:01.640 There's some like hanging out at the mall being a teenager. 0:06:02.680 --> 0:06:05.120 I don't know why. When I'm imagine that, I feel 0:06:05.160 --> 0:06:07.880 like the I'm imagining the person who emailed me this 0:06:08.960 --> 0:06:11.880 wearing a T shirt with a skull and crossbones on it, 0:06:12.760 --> 0:06:14.640 and the girl is, like, you know, like a girl. 0:06:16.160 --> 0:06:20.840 The friend looks like a Lumer from NEDS to Classified. 0:06:21.680 --> 0:06:24.159 One of the people in this story looks like Lumer 0:06:24.200 --> 0:06:31.560 from NEDS to Classified. Um shit, man, I don't know. 0:06:31.600 --> 0:06:37.360 It sounds like this sounds like a deeply emotionally charged 0:06:37.440 --> 0:06:44.560 situation for all three of you, and there's something something 0:06:46.160 --> 0:06:48.560 weird is going on. I mean you the three of 0:06:48.600 --> 0:06:51.280 you guys, like you guys are in like a polyocule almost, man. 0:06:51.320 --> 0:06:54.799 I mean, you guys are like on vacations together, hanging 0:06:54.839 --> 0:06:57.240 out every single day. I bet you're all sleeping in 0:06:57.279 --> 0:07:00.120 the same bed. Like, what do you got? Like? What 0:07:00.320 --> 0:07:05.719 is going on here? I don't really have advice on this, 0:07:10.240 --> 0:07:14.640 m How do you got? I mean, I don't know. 0:07:14.720 --> 0:07:16.680 This is one of those callers I would rather talk 0:07:16.760 --> 0:07:22.880 to because are you and the girls still together? That's 0:07:22.880 --> 0:07:24.200 what I want to know. Are you and the girls 0:07:24.200 --> 0:07:28.520 still hanging out? Are you still around? Is she happy? 0:07:28.600 --> 0:07:35.000 What's her deal in all this? I mean, how this 0:07:35.080 --> 0:07:45.920 sounds like a long process of feelings and whatnot. Sorry. 0:07:45.960 --> 0:07:48.200 I don't have much better to say than reading the email, 0:07:48.240 --> 0:07:55.440 but let's keep going. Okay ooh medical student with a 0:07:55.520 --> 0:08:02.360 stutter response to Anthony. Hey, ghak, my name is Aaron. 0:08:02.880 --> 0:08:05.920 I'm listening to the GEK mail episode with Anthony, the 0:08:06.000 --> 0:08:09.400 guy who had the stutter. I remember Anthony on the 0:08:09.440 --> 0:08:12.440 train this morning, and I have some thoughts. I'm currently 0:08:12.760 --> 0:08:15.720 twenty one years old and going through medical school in 0:08:15.760 --> 0:08:18.760 the UK, having grown up with a stutter. I usually 0:08:18.760 --> 0:08:22.000 have a block type stutter, or part way through a sentence, 0:08:22.040 --> 0:08:24.960 it feels like my throat closes and I simply can't 0:08:25.000 --> 0:08:28.400 get the words out. I have been quite insecure about 0:08:28.440 --> 0:08:31.640 my stutter in years gone by, having had some bad 0:08:31.720 --> 0:08:35.719 experiences with it myself. I became convinced that people think 0:08:35.760 --> 0:08:39.520 I'm less intelligent or otherwise less capable for it, going 0:08:39.520 --> 0:08:43.040 out of my way to apologize for it when starting conversations, 0:08:43.480 --> 0:08:46.280 but all that was doing was making the stutter worse. 0:08:47.040 --> 0:08:49.640 I appreciate this is so much easier said than done, 0:08:49.960 --> 0:08:51.640 but if someone's going to make an issue out of 0:08:51.679 --> 0:08:54.720 a stutter, that is genuinely a them problem and not 0:08:54.800 --> 0:08:58.320 a reflection of you. I still stutter, particularly when I 0:08:58.360 --> 0:09:00.840 get nervous, but I found that it's often best to 0:09:00.920 --> 0:09:03.640 just ignore it and pretend it didn't happen. I've got 0:09:03.679 --> 0:09:05.640 things in my life now that I didn't think would 0:09:05.679 --> 0:09:08.360 be possible a few years ago. I am lucky enough 0:09:08.400 --> 0:09:10.880 to have a loving girlfriend, and I'm training to be 0:09:10.920 --> 0:09:14.120 a doctor despite it all, because my stutter doesn't define 0:09:14.120 --> 0:09:18.160 me anymore. Anthony, We're so much more than our speech impediments. 0:09:18.320 --> 0:09:20.640 I wish you all the best. Thanks for all you do, Lyle. 0:09:20.679 --> 0:09:22.960 I'm a massive fan of the show. Thank you for 0:09:23.000 --> 0:09:28.280 sending this email. Erin motherfucking stutter stutter, I'm not doing 0:09:28.280 --> 0:09:35.720 a bit stutter solidarity between Aaron and Anthony. I mean, shit, brother, 0:09:35.720 --> 0:09:40.120 look at Aaron. He's going through medical school, he's got 0:09:40.120 --> 0:09:42.560 his ass a girlfriend, he's trained to be a doctor. 0:09:42.720 --> 0:09:44.800 I mean, I remember, for those of you who don't remember, 0:09:44.800 --> 0:09:46.240 maybe you didn't listen to that episode, but there was 0:09:46.240 --> 0:09:48.960 a gentleman named Anthony who was feeling like his stutter 0:09:49.160 --> 0:09:54.240 was preventing him from living a successful, normal life. And 0:09:54.920 --> 0:09:56.360 you know, we were trying to hype him up a 0:09:56.400 --> 0:10:00.600 little bit because I think that it's of course possible. 0:10:01.280 --> 0:10:05.680 I mean, look at this motherfucker Aaron over here. He's 0:10:05.720 --> 0:10:12.560 doing it. Respect all right. This is from Bren. Subject 0:10:12.640 --> 0:10:16.840 line is socks Hey, Lyle, this is Bren. As part 0:10:16.880 --> 0:10:19.520 of my twenty twenty six New Year's resolution, I'm trying 0:10:19.520 --> 0:10:24.760 to minimize my ecological footprint as much as possible. One 0:10:24.760 --> 0:10:27.800 way I am doing this is repairing old clothing items 0:10:27.840 --> 0:10:32.599 instead of replacing them immediately with things from the store. Yesterday, 0:10:32.640 --> 0:10:35.800 I did this with all my pairs of socks with holes. 0:10:36.320 --> 0:10:39.280 I had a fun time learning a new skill. Here's 0:10:39.320 --> 0:10:42.800 a picture of the repaired socks. I hope this can 0:10:42.880 --> 0:10:48.080 inspire people to be more environmentally conscious in the future. 0:10:48.120 --> 0:10:51.800 Look at that he repaired the holes in his socks. 0:10:52.360 --> 0:10:54.480 Oh man, I feel like a dick. I've thrown away 0:10:55.800 --> 0:10:59.160 so many socks with holes in them. Actually, I'll say this, 0:10:59.320 --> 0:11:05.000 I think just wearing Okay, I mean I wear shit 0:11:05.040 --> 0:11:07.920 with holes in it a lot, mainly because I just 0:11:07.920 --> 0:11:11.319 don't I don't care about clothes, Like I don't buy 0:11:11.480 --> 0:11:13.800 a lot of new clothes. I don't really care about 0:11:13.840 --> 0:11:18.440 like fancy clothes especially, So like most of my most 0:11:18.480 --> 0:11:21.199 of my wardrobe is just like stuff that I've come upon, 0:11:21.520 --> 0:11:23.760 like I have, Like I wear a lot of T 0:11:23.880 --> 0:11:28.240 shirts from like venues that I've played, Like I wear 0:11:28.240 --> 0:11:34.680 a shirt that says, like, you know, Capital Camps, fucking 0:11:35.080 --> 0:11:38.240 Jewish Summer Camp twenty ten type of shit, Like just 0:11:38.280 --> 0:11:42.880 stuff that's been from my life. You know, a random 0:11:42.960 --> 0:11:45.560 free T shirt that I wanted a state fair in 0:11:45.720 --> 0:11:51.520 twenty eighteen, Just like random shit. So I guess my 0:11:51.679 --> 0:11:58.240 way of supporting the environment is uh is looking shitty, 0:12:00.200 --> 0:12:08.160 not buying normal clothes, like a normal human man. This 0:12:08.280 --> 0:12:13.440 is from Marion subject line A walk, dear lyle, I 0:12:13.480 --> 0:12:17.400 wanted to share with you a nice experience I had yesterday. Often, 0:12:17.440 --> 0:12:19.480 when I stay inside for too long, I begin to 0:12:19.480 --> 0:12:23.760 feel like life is passing me by. But often even 0:12:23.840 --> 0:12:25.880 just a small walk is enough to break me out 0:12:25.920 --> 0:12:29.040 of that headspace. You goddamn right it is. I went 0:12:29.080 --> 0:12:31.360 on a small walk to get a coffee, and on 0:12:31.440 --> 0:12:35.520 that walk I saw a skateboarder skating around by themselves, 0:12:35.960 --> 0:12:38.000 and I wondered if they were on a winter break. 0:12:38.880 --> 0:12:41.320 I remembered when I used to skate around when I 0:12:41.360 --> 0:12:44.440 was unemployed and had long breaks from school and nothing 0:12:44.480 --> 0:12:47.760 to do all day, and I remembered it fondly. Then 0:12:47.800 --> 0:12:50.280 I walked by two girls who were sitting at a 0:12:50.320 --> 0:12:54.280 cafe together in cute outfits. I overheard them a little bit, 0:12:54.320 --> 0:12:57.560 and they were complimenting each other's outfits. They seemed like 0:12:57.679 --> 0:13:01.320 new friends or potentially It was a first and it 0:13:01.360 --> 0:13:04.079 reminded me of hanging out with one of my best 0:13:04.120 --> 0:13:07.880 friends now for the first time. Then it passed by 0:13:07.880 --> 0:13:09.800 a man who was homeless, and I kind of wanted 0:13:09.840 --> 0:13:12.680 to chat with him because I was remembering when me 0:13:12.800 --> 0:13:16.040 and an old friend would walk around my old college 0:13:16.080 --> 0:13:18.559 town and talk to some of the crazy hippies who 0:13:18.600 --> 0:13:21.640 lived there. I didn't have anything to say, so I 0:13:21.679 --> 0:13:23.880 didn't talk to him, but I didn't really need to. 0:13:24.440 --> 0:13:27.400 It's crazy how much just a small walk can remind 0:13:27.440 --> 0:13:30.160 me of how much life is worth living. I felt 0:13:30.240 --> 0:13:32.560 like I've had a worthwhile life so far, and the 0:13:32.600 --> 0:13:34.960 walk reminded me of that, even though it was just 0:13:35.000 --> 0:13:37.920 a walk. I think everyone should go outside at least 0:13:37.960 --> 0:13:41.880 once a day. Thanks for listening. Wow, that's my favorite 0:13:41.880 --> 0:13:44.480 email I've ever gotten to my entire life. That was awesome. 0:13:44.640 --> 0:13:46.760 Thank you so much for sharing that. Marian. Holy shit, 0:13:47.480 --> 0:13:51.480 it's true. It's so true, dude. Life is actually really interesting. 0:13:52.720 --> 0:13:54.640 I love living in a walkable city. I never, in 0:13:54.679 --> 0:13:57.240 my never on the planet earth in my life ever 0:13:57.280 --> 0:14:01.160 do I want to ever. I so my car back 0:14:01.200 --> 0:14:07.280 in uh twenty twenty three, and I haven't bought one since. 0:14:07.360 --> 0:14:10.200 I never want and i'd look my life goal. I 0:14:10.320 --> 0:14:12.600 never want to buy a car ever again in my 0:14:12.679 --> 0:14:18.920 whole life. I never want to buy a stupid car 0:14:19.000 --> 0:14:22.000 ever again in my whole life. I love walking everywhere 0:14:22.360 --> 0:14:25.480 just looking at people, being like, how does that person know? 0:14:25.560 --> 0:14:28.960 That person, like you're like watching, like you know what 0:14:29.000 --> 0:14:31.240 it is. Man is like you only you only get 0:14:31.280 --> 0:14:34.880 to live your own stupid life, right, and sometimes it 0:14:34.920 --> 0:14:37.880 feels kind of restrictive. But if you go outside and 0:14:38.040 --> 0:14:41.960 just stare at people like a creep and just look 0:14:42.000 --> 0:14:45.120 at other folks living their lives, it's like you get 0:14:45.120 --> 0:14:50.560 to like live other people's lives vicariously through them, you know. 0:14:50.760 --> 0:14:53.480 So if you, you know, just walk around and look 0:14:53.480 --> 0:14:55.800 at people, you start living a bunch of lives outside 0:14:55.800 --> 0:15:01.080 of your own. Man. I love it, Man, I love 0:15:01.440 --> 0:15:03.360 I mean, be out of the house as much as 0:15:03.400 --> 0:15:05.440 you possibly can. Shout out to Mary and thank you 0:15:05.440 --> 0:15:10.000 for sharing the details of your walk. That was very lovely. 0:15:10.440 --> 0:15:15.080 This is from FJ subject line I left my faith 0:15:15.600 --> 0:15:21.640 and feel less anxiety to my favorite podcaster Gecko. Hello, 0:15:22.080 --> 0:15:25.080 I feel like a major hypocrite. I used to attend church, 0:15:25.560 --> 0:15:29.840 devoted my mourning to Bible reading, and followed my pastor's 0:15:30.080 --> 0:15:34.720 teachings so closely I lost friendships. Two years ago, I 0:15:34.760 --> 0:15:38.880 married a Muslim man. I remember my pastor's teachings against 0:15:38.960 --> 0:15:43.440 these people as a form of dark Christianity. I remember 0:15:43.480 --> 0:15:49.160 their teachings were constantly bashing these people I had never met. 0:15:49.760 --> 0:15:53.920 I remember believing these teachings wholeheartedly. I used to repeat 0:15:54.000 --> 0:15:57.760 their hatred for the religion and the people. Eventually, these 0:15:57.760 --> 0:16:02.600 same people were openly against blacks and other races. This 0:16:02.760 --> 0:16:05.960 hurt me too much to realize the people I wanted 0:16:05.960 --> 0:16:10.680 to believe in could be so openly racist. Meeting my 0:16:10.840 --> 0:16:14.880 Muslim husband was completely by chance. I had met many 0:16:14.920 --> 0:16:18.160 people outside of the church community who were more kind 0:16:18.400 --> 0:16:22.040 than my church family. The farther away I became from 0:16:22.040 --> 0:16:25.600 my upbringing, the more peace I had felt. I now 0:16:25.680 --> 0:16:29.600 realize how much fear mongering my church used to control 0:16:29.680 --> 0:16:32.400 their followers. I don't want to call it a cult, 0:16:32.720 --> 0:16:35.160 but now I'm seeing some red flags when I used 0:16:35.200 --> 0:16:39.120 to try to deny that idea of it being a cult. 0:16:39.800 --> 0:16:42.400 When I'm with my husband, I have never felt safer 0:16:42.440 --> 0:16:45.640 in my life. Something about him makes me feel safe. 0:16:46.040 --> 0:16:49.200 I used to take medication for anxiety and depression, but 0:16:49.960 --> 0:16:53.360 going further along into the marriage, I have no longer 0:16:53.800 --> 0:16:57.520 needed my meds. The way my husband cares for me 0:16:57.640 --> 0:17:01.240 is dramatically different from the way average Americans treat me. 0:17:01.800 --> 0:17:04.560 My husband is a foreigner from India. He came to 0:17:04.640 --> 0:17:07.880 the US for college. It's incredible how we met by 0:17:08.000 --> 0:17:13.199 chance on the Facebook dating app dude. Weirdly, throughout the 0:17:13.240 --> 0:17:16.359 history of this podcast, there's been a sizeable amount of 0:17:16.520 --> 0:17:21.800 Facebook dating app success stories after meeting him. I now 0:17:21.840 --> 0:17:24.359 see a ton of the anti Muslim propaganda from the 0:17:24.520 --> 0:17:28.880 US is being used to fear monger and keep people divided. 0:17:29.520 --> 0:17:34.280 The church goers I used to enjoy also stand completely divided. 0:17:34.720 --> 0:17:39.320 They believe any song or music that wasn't centered around 0:17:39.400 --> 0:17:43.679 Jesus was sinful, while my husband's belief is that too 0:17:43.800 --> 0:17:47.800 much focus on religion can become bad. My husband is 0:17:47.840 --> 0:17:51.280 a traditional man. He believes a man works while the 0:17:51.320 --> 0:17:54.840 woman stays at home. Before our baby was born, I 0:17:54.880 --> 0:17:57.199 would have more freedom than I knew what to do with. 0:17:57.760 --> 0:18:00.960 He would give me a wife, allowance, and my own 0:18:01.080 --> 0:18:05.439 car to do whatever I pleased. He's a kind and 0:18:05.480 --> 0:18:08.760 a good listener. He does all of the cooking while 0:18:08.800 --> 0:18:12.440 I only wash the dishes. I never imagined I could 0:18:12.480 --> 0:18:16.720 find someone like him. Now I see the obsessive behavior 0:18:16.800 --> 0:18:20.359 of my former church that has pushed people away. For 0:18:20.440 --> 0:18:23.040 the first time in my life, I do not constantly 0:18:23.080 --> 0:18:26.359 feel threatened by the fear of God looming over me 0:18:26.480 --> 0:18:29.480 with a deadly lightning bolt ready to strike if I 0:18:29.600 --> 0:18:33.600 sneeze too loud or improperly. I know that sounds silly, 0:18:34.040 --> 0:18:38.200 but I was given that much anxiety. I feel like 0:18:38.240 --> 0:18:41.119 a hypocrite for leaving the church, my marriage to a 0:18:41.200 --> 0:18:45.240 Muslim man, and my marijuana use. I do not use 0:18:45.280 --> 0:18:49.280 marijuana like an addict, only on occasion with company. I 0:18:49.280 --> 0:18:52.400 am grateful for my anxiety leaving me. However, I keep 0:18:52.440 --> 0:18:56.119 telling myself I should feel more guilty about leaving the church. 0:18:56.760 --> 0:18:59.960 Yet I feel nothing but a newfound sense of peace 0:19:00.200 --> 0:19:03.240 from my relationship with my husband and my life out 0:19:03.280 --> 0:19:07.880 of the church. I have now converted to Islam. Look 0:19:07.920 --> 0:19:10.840 at that. I am not as devout as I used 0:19:10.840 --> 0:19:13.960 to be. The Christians I used to love have left 0:19:13.960 --> 0:19:16.840 a painful impression on me. There's a part of me 0:19:17.160 --> 0:19:20.600 where I have only myself to blame for idolizing ultra 0:19:20.760 --> 0:19:24.760 conservative people. I can't believe how happy and good my 0:19:24.840 --> 0:19:30.760 life has become with my Mosheed. Man. What is that word? Man? 0:19:31.280 --> 0:19:34.080 Is that this guy's name? Or is what's the word? 0:19:34.320 --> 0:19:40.919 I mean? Mosque? What is? What the fuck does that mean? 0:19:42.760 --> 0:19:47.760 What does Oh? It's an error, it's a mosque it's 0:19:47.800 --> 0:19:51.960 an Arab word for mosque. Okay, wait, cheap. I can't 0:19:51.960 --> 0:19:54.119 believe how happy and good my life has become with 0:19:54.200 --> 0:20:00.840 my mosque man. Is that? Is that a word? He's 0:20:00.840 --> 0:20:03.840 such a sweetie in every way. He's not a good 0:20:03.840 --> 0:20:05.879 man because of his religion, but because of how he 0:20:05.960 --> 0:20:12.159 chooses to see the world. From Josephine, who thank you 0:20:12.200 --> 0:20:17.600 for sharing Josephine, fascinating, fascinating, fascinating. Why you by? Why 0:20:17.600 --> 0:20:19.359 do you? Why do you feel like a hypocrite? You 0:20:19.359 --> 0:20:23.919 should not feel like a hypocrite. I mean, I'm very happy. 0:20:24.000 --> 0:20:27.520 First of all, it sounds like I mean, religion is 0:20:27.560 --> 0:20:29.879 a tough thing, right because it's given a lot of 0:20:29.880 --> 0:20:32.320 people a lot of good stuff, but it's also caused 0:20:32.359 --> 0:20:36.440 a lot of like bad shit. You know, it's been 0:20:36.520 --> 0:20:40.919 organized in such a way that breeds hatred, but you know, 0:20:41.040 --> 0:20:45.600 people will find it as a way of you know, community. 0:20:46.640 --> 0:20:51.080 I think the my biggest problem with like organized religion 0:20:51.119 --> 0:20:54.399 is that it takes you know, these ideas of like 0:20:54.720 --> 0:21:00.600 faith and God and the Higher Power as like general 0:21:00.720 --> 0:21:07.440 ideas that are worth investigating and ascribing to and thinking 0:21:07.480 --> 0:21:11.600 about under the context of how to live and the 0:21:11.680 --> 0:21:13.840 story of where we come from and how to relate 0:21:13.880 --> 0:21:18.520 to one another or actually I think, you know, productive 0:21:18.560 --> 0:21:22.359 and interesting. But the more specific they get, once they 0:21:22.400 --> 0:21:26.640 start getting into like you know, don't eat bread and 0:21:26.760 --> 0:21:30.920 you know, don't don't be gay or whatever, it's like, 0:21:32.560 --> 0:21:34.960 it's just it's just stupid. It's just it's like, what 0:21:35.000 --> 0:21:38.240 are we doing at this point? So no, I don't 0:21:38.240 --> 0:21:41.639 think you need to be uh feel you know, like 0:21:41.640 --> 0:21:44.399 a hypocrite for leaving the church. This is why I 0:21:44.400 --> 0:21:46.960 also I have a lot of sympathy for people because 0:21:47.040 --> 0:21:54.280 I mean, this woman clearly, you know, grew up, it seems, 0:21:54.320 --> 0:22:01.119 in this church and was under the influence of a 0:22:01.160 --> 0:22:05.919 lot of ideas and a lot of people, and you know, 0:22:06.119 --> 0:22:09.679 she found her way out of there and managed to 0:22:09.840 --> 0:22:16.080 find happiness and managed to expand her worldview. And I'm 0:22:16.119 --> 0:22:20.120 happy for her as she did that. You know. It's 0:22:20.119 --> 0:22:23.359 why I try to extend the benefit of the doubt 0:22:23.400 --> 0:22:27.680 to most people, because I think, I don't know if 0:22:27.680 --> 0:22:30.640 there really is any difference between like, you know, people, 0:22:31.480 --> 0:22:33.000 I don't know, I don't know what the difference is. 0:22:33.040 --> 0:22:38.280 I don't know where the agency lies in Like everyone 0:22:38.359 --> 0:22:42.959 is the way they are because they had some form 0:22:43.080 --> 0:22:48.359 of conditioning from the universe. You know their parents and 0:22:48.400 --> 0:22:51.240 the world and whatnot. And yeah, at some point you 0:22:51.320 --> 0:22:56.040 take agency for what you believe and what you do 0:22:56.080 --> 0:22:59.760 and all those things. Of course, the society operates under 0:22:59.760 --> 0:23:02.560 that that at some point you take agency. But also 0:23:03.720 --> 0:23:07.439 you know, so much of where you wind up or 0:23:07.640 --> 0:23:09.520 if you get the chance to take that agency has 0:23:09.560 --> 0:23:12.680 to do with, you know, just factors outside of your control. 0:23:12.880 --> 0:23:15.560 So you know, I extend the bend for the doubt 0:23:15.560 --> 0:23:23.919 to folks, but thank you for sharing this story. Josephine. 0:23:24.119 --> 0:23:29.800 I think you should. I think you should be easy 0:23:29.840 --> 0:23:37.760 on yourself, my friend. Okay, this is from a Harold 0:23:38.480 --> 0:23:43.440 subject line. My girlfriend can't communicate. Hey, Gecko, you can 0:23:43.440 --> 0:23:46.359 call me Harold. I'm a twenty two year old living 0:23:46.400 --> 0:23:49.640 in Australia. I'm at a point in my life where 0:23:49.640 --> 0:23:52.000 I need to make an important decision about my relationship. 0:23:52.160 --> 0:23:53.640 I would love for you to give me some advice. 0:23:54.320 --> 0:23:56.760 I've been dating my current girlfriend for almost a year, 0:23:56.800 --> 0:24:01.040 and for the most part, it's been amazing. She's the funniest, kindest, 0:24:01.160 --> 0:24:03.960 most beautiful girl in the world. But I feel as 0:24:04.000 --> 0:24:07.240 if she may not be the one for me. I 0:24:07.280 --> 0:24:11.120 consider myself a relatively emotionally intelligent person, and I love 0:24:11.200 --> 0:24:16.040 having deep conversations, debates, and discussions about many things. I'm 0:24:16.080 --> 0:24:20.920 a very introspective person and I love thinking about life, people, art, 0:24:21.200 --> 0:24:23.880 and music. There's a lot going on in my head 0:24:23.920 --> 0:24:26.240 and I love having someone to share that with. It's 0:24:26.240 --> 0:24:28.879 why I get along with my two best friends extremely well. 0:24:29.119 --> 0:24:31.480 We can chat about nonsense for hours and have the 0:24:31.520 --> 0:24:35.520 best time. I need that outlet. Unfortunately, I feel as 0:24:35.520 --> 0:24:37.720 if for someone to be my partner, I need them 0:24:37.720 --> 0:24:39.960 to think in a similar way, and I think my 0:24:40.040 --> 0:24:43.080 girlfriend isn't that person. Often when I try to engage 0:24:43.080 --> 0:24:45.840 in a conversation about a specific topic with her, it 0:24:45.920 --> 0:24:48.400 just feels like I'm info dumping my thoughts, and most 0:24:48.440 --> 0:24:50.560 of the time she either says something along the lines 0:24:50.600 --> 0:24:53.199 of wow, you know a lot about that or you 0:24:53.320 --> 0:24:56.000 think a lot, instead of trying to engage back with me, 0:24:56.359 --> 0:24:59.679 or even disagreeing with something I say, ooh, I have 0:24:59.760 --> 0:25:03.320 a lot of thoughts about this topic. Actually, it's to 0:25:03.359 --> 0:25:05.320 the point where I ask her about her day. She 0:25:05.440 --> 0:25:08.160 often gives me a it was good or it was tiring, 0:25:09.000 --> 0:25:10.400 and then I'd have to be the one to ask 0:25:10.440 --> 0:25:12.520 for the questions about to find out about her day, 0:25:12.640 --> 0:25:15.760 which is exhausting. Whoa interesting And it's not like she 0:25:15.840 --> 0:25:18.119 is losing interest in me or anything. It's just that 0:25:18.160 --> 0:25:19.920 I don't think she has the capacity to think in 0:25:19.960 --> 0:25:23.520 the way I think I know exactly where this guy's 0:25:23.600 --> 0:25:25.439 head is. That I'm excited to talk about this. She 0:25:25.560 --> 0:25:27.920 loves me so much and I love her the same. 0:25:28.480 --> 0:25:32.200 Everything outside of this is perfect in the relationship. She's 0:25:32.320 --> 0:25:35.800 just really bad at communicating how she feels. Often refuses to, 0:25:36.240 --> 0:25:38.760 and it's hard for her to think about things beyond 0:25:38.880 --> 0:25:41.919