1 00:00:02,720 --> 00:00:05,880 Speaker 1: Hi. This is Laura Vandercamp. I'm a mother of five, 2 00:00:06,160 --> 00:00:10,200 Speaker 1: an author, journalist, and speaker. And this is Sarah hart Unger. 3 00:00:10,480 --> 00:00:13,480 Speaker 1: I'm a mother of three, a practicing physician and blogger. 4 00:00:13,480 --> 00:00:15,800 Speaker 1: On the side, we are two working parents who love 5 00:00:15,840 --> 00:00:19,320 Speaker 1: our careers and our families. Welcome to best of both worlds. 6 00:00:19,600 --> 00:00:22,400 Speaker 1: Here we talk about how real women manage work, family, 7 00:00:22,560 --> 00:00:25,800 Speaker 1: and time for fun, from figuring out childcare to mapping 8 00:00:25,800 --> 00:00:28,360 Speaker 1: out long term career goals. We want you to get 9 00:00:28,400 --> 00:00:34,040 Speaker 1: the most out of life. Welcome to best of both worlds. 10 00:00:34,120 --> 00:00:36,800 Speaker 1: This is Laura. This is episode two hundred and one. 11 00:00:37,200 --> 00:00:41,080 Speaker 1: We had our big two hundredth episode anniversary celebration last week, 12 00:00:41,080 --> 00:00:43,199 Speaker 1: but this is episode two hundred one because we just 13 00:00:43,320 --> 00:00:46,720 Speaker 1: keep going, and this episode is going to be about 14 00:00:46,720 --> 00:00:50,080 Speaker 1: our kids to a degree. It's going to be about 15 00:00:50,440 --> 00:00:54,360 Speaker 1: proud parenting moments, low parenting moments, and things we really 16 00:00:54,440 --> 00:00:56,600 Speaker 1: like about each of the kids that we're learning from 17 00:00:56,680 --> 00:01:00,320 Speaker 1: them as they grow up. So you know, there's a 18 00:01:00,360 --> 00:01:02,800 Speaker 1: limit to how much we can actually talk about our 19 00:01:02,880 --> 00:01:06,200 Speaker 1: kids on this pod, right, Yeah, And that's more and 20 00:01:06,240 --> 00:01:08,160 Speaker 1: more as they get older, which I was saying is 21 00:01:08,240 --> 00:01:11,920 Speaker 1: kind of a shame because I mean, it's not like 22 00:01:12,080 --> 00:01:15,200 Speaker 1: our need for advice and sharing goes away when the 23 00:01:15,280 --> 00:01:18,240 Speaker 1: kids get to be six or eight or ten or whatever. 24 00:01:18,560 --> 00:01:22,039 Speaker 1: But it's less and less easy to compare vignettes on 25 00:01:22,040 --> 00:01:25,240 Speaker 1: the internet because sharing about your issues nursing or pumping 26 00:01:25,280 --> 00:01:28,160 Speaker 1: is about you. And also, you know, all one year 27 00:01:28,160 --> 00:01:29,920 Speaker 1: olds to some extent are kind of similar, or a 28 00:01:29,920 --> 00:01:32,440 Speaker 1: lot of them are. But then it just becomes so 29 00:01:32,520 --> 00:01:36,000 Speaker 1: much more personal as they get older, as they become 30 00:01:36,319 --> 00:01:39,479 Speaker 1: really their own people, their own personalities, and their own 31 00:01:39,520 --> 00:01:42,440 Speaker 1: Internet things with they're reading all of it, which is 32 00:01:42,920 --> 00:01:45,000 Speaker 1: or listening to the podcast because it's out there and 33 00:01:45,040 --> 00:01:48,280 Speaker 1: you can. But yeah, their own people, their own lives. 34 00:01:48,840 --> 00:01:51,080 Speaker 1: And so I think for any of our listeners who 35 00:01:51,120 --> 00:01:54,320 Speaker 1: are in the tween and teen stage or entering that 36 00:01:55,040 --> 00:01:57,760 Speaker 1: it might be a good idea to really think about 37 00:01:57,800 --> 00:02:01,360 Speaker 1: some close friend and family really relationships where you have 38 00:02:01,520 --> 00:02:04,280 Speaker 1: people that you can share advice with and share these 39 00:02:04,320 --> 00:02:10,160 Speaker 1: stories because your need to seek commiseration with other people 40 00:02:10,280 --> 00:02:12,080 Speaker 1: or to see how other people did things. Yeah, as 41 00:02:12,080 --> 00:02:14,399 Speaker 1: Sarah said, doesn't change, it's just that you can't talk 42 00:02:14,440 --> 00:02:17,440 Speaker 1: about it. So that's when it really is good to 43 00:02:17,480 --> 00:02:21,640 Speaker 1: have those friends who are there do your kids listen 44 00:02:21,680 --> 00:02:25,880 Speaker 1: to the podcast. Sorry that was a digression sometimes yeah, well, 45 00:02:26,200 --> 00:02:29,400 Speaker 1: not necessarily on their own, but when Michael is driving 46 00:02:29,400 --> 00:02:31,640 Speaker 1: them places in the car, sometimes they'll all listen to 47 00:02:31,680 --> 00:02:37,280 Speaker 1: it together. That's so cute. Well, sometimes they covin like 48 00:02:37,400 --> 00:02:40,240 Speaker 1: quisby about something. I'm like, when you said this, not 49 00:02:40,280 --> 00:02:43,959 Speaker 1: even they listen to this. Sometimes they listened before breakfast sometimes, 50 00:02:44,000 --> 00:02:46,960 Speaker 1: And I don't know if they feel my productivity advice 51 00:02:47,080 --> 00:02:51,480 Speaker 1: is worthwhile or not. We'll see how everyone shakes out 52 00:02:51,840 --> 00:02:55,720 Speaker 1: on that. But yeah, so let's talk about some of 53 00:02:55,840 --> 00:02:59,840 Speaker 1: our recent like proud parenting moments, so you'll forgive our 54 00:03:00,120 --> 00:03:03,400 Speaker 1: exiting a little bit of happiness about these, Sarah, what 55 00:03:03,400 --> 00:03:06,560 Speaker 1: did you have recently? A couple of months ago, it 56 00:03:06,600 --> 00:03:09,800 Speaker 1: was our first foray into outdoor dine actually one of 57 00:03:09,800 --> 00:03:12,000 Speaker 1: our only forays. We haven't done a lot of dining 58 00:03:12,040 --> 00:03:15,400 Speaker 1: one way or the other since the pandemic. And we 59 00:03:15,480 --> 00:03:18,160 Speaker 1: decided to get pizza after the kids ran around on 60 00:03:18,160 --> 00:03:22,040 Speaker 1: the beach at an outdoor venue and this older lady 61 00:03:22,120 --> 00:03:24,840 Speaker 1: was sitting across from us and was like, your children 62 00:03:24,840 --> 00:03:27,600 Speaker 1: are so well behaved and I love their conversations. Did 63 00:03:27,600 --> 00:03:32,280 Speaker 1: they attend a Montessori school? And the truth was only 64 00:03:32,320 --> 00:03:34,120 Speaker 1: some of them did. The older ones did not, the 65 00:03:34,160 --> 00:03:36,000 Speaker 1: younger ones did. So I was like, well, actually, yes 66 00:03:36,080 --> 00:03:38,080 Speaker 1: they do. And it turned out that she was like 67 00:03:38,400 --> 00:03:40,880 Speaker 1: involved in Montessori education and knew the head of the 68 00:03:40,920 --> 00:03:44,360 Speaker 1: school where Cameron and Genevieve go, and she was just 69 00:03:44,480 --> 00:03:46,600 Speaker 1: so she ended up like buying them a dessert. She 70 00:03:46,680 --> 00:03:48,600 Speaker 1: was like so into our kids and how they were 71 00:03:48,640 --> 00:03:51,440 Speaker 1: having I don't know, some discussion about like features of 72 00:03:51,480 --> 00:03:54,680 Speaker 1: animals or something like that. But as we'll discuss later, 73 00:03:55,120 --> 00:03:57,200 Speaker 1: things are not always like that. So I think that 74 00:03:57,720 --> 00:04:00,600 Speaker 1: because there are some lower moments when when is good, 75 00:04:00,760 --> 00:04:05,280 Speaker 1: I really really appreciate it, like that was a highlight. Yeah, yeah, 76 00:04:05,400 --> 00:04:09,440 Speaker 1: that sounds really awesome. I had one recently where all 77 00:04:09,480 --> 00:04:12,920 Speaker 1: four of the big kids went to the dentist, and 78 00:04:13,720 --> 00:04:18,000 Speaker 1: so Michael schedules us all at the same time, like 79 00:04:18,160 --> 00:04:21,680 Speaker 1: the six of us who have enough teeth to get cleaned, 80 00:04:22,800 --> 00:04:26,240 Speaker 1: all at the same time, and so this place doesn't 81 00:04:26,240 --> 00:04:29,200 Speaker 1: have like six hygienists either, so we're going in and 82 00:04:29,279 --> 00:04:31,560 Speaker 1: staggered thing I was at home. It's actually our new 83 00:04:31,640 --> 00:04:34,760 Speaker 1: nanny's first day. I don't haven't really mentioned this. We 84 00:04:35,120 --> 00:04:37,640 Speaker 1: had a childcare changes and we have our longtime nanny 85 00:04:37,640 --> 00:04:40,840 Speaker 1: moved on. We had to hire somebody new. Obviously, this 86 00:04:41,000 --> 00:04:43,200 Speaker 1: was her first day. We're all going to the dentist, 87 00:04:43,200 --> 00:04:44,840 Speaker 1: so I have to wait. You know, she's coming, leave 88 00:04:44,880 --> 00:04:47,520 Speaker 1: Henry with her, get Henry situated with her. So I 89 00:04:47,560 --> 00:04:51,000 Speaker 1: show up later to the dentist. I walk in. Alex 90 00:04:51,080 --> 00:04:53,919 Speaker 1: and Ruth are sitting on the couch in the waiting 91 00:04:53,960 --> 00:04:57,440 Speaker 1: room just so patiently, just like sitting there. And they'd 92 00:04:57,440 --> 00:05:00,760 Speaker 1: been sitting there for twenty minutes because for or whatever reason, 93 00:05:00,800 --> 00:05:03,640 Speaker 1: my husband had put the older boys in first, and 94 00:05:04,120 --> 00:05:08,360 Speaker 1: so they're back getting cleaned, and so I sit with 95 00:05:08,520 --> 00:05:11,120 Speaker 1: Ruth and Alex and we talk about things for a 96 00:05:11,160 --> 00:05:13,320 Speaker 1: little bit, and then Ruth goes in and I'm still 97 00:05:13,320 --> 00:05:17,000 Speaker 1: with you know, Alex comes back eventually, and you know, 98 00:05:17,120 --> 00:05:19,520 Speaker 1: he sits nicely and gets his teeth cleaned, and then 99 00:05:19,560 --> 00:05:21,440 Speaker 1: he comes over to watch me. They allow him to 100 00:05:21,440 --> 00:05:23,279 Speaker 1: come over and watch Him's just so pleasant and asking 101 00:05:23,360 --> 00:05:26,400 Speaker 1: questions and having a conversation. And my other kids too 102 00:05:26,440 --> 00:05:28,359 Speaker 1: were too, you know, all talking with the dentist and 103 00:05:28,440 --> 00:05:31,640 Speaker 1: you know, and eventually the hygienius was like, you know, 104 00:05:31,800 --> 00:05:36,240 Speaker 1: your kids are so nice and like sweet and patient, 105 00:05:36,480 --> 00:05:38,719 Speaker 1: and like, you know, we've had a lot of like 106 00:05:39,000 --> 00:05:42,480 Speaker 1: entitled kids in here, like doing all sorts of horrible 107 00:05:42,520 --> 00:05:45,680 Speaker 1: things at the dentist's office, So your kids aren't like 108 00:05:45,760 --> 00:05:48,240 Speaker 1: that at all. I was like, oh, I'm so proud, 109 00:05:48,360 --> 00:05:51,600 Speaker 1: like you know, a that Alex could wait like in 110 00:05:51,680 --> 00:05:56,039 Speaker 1: essence an hour and not destroy the whole dentist office 111 00:05:56,120 --> 00:05:59,800 Speaker 1: like that was a good moment for me and all 112 00:06:00,080 --> 00:06:03,800 Speaker 1: so that they thought my kids were nice people, which 113 00:06:03,880 --> 00:06:07,599 Speaker 1: was so heart grew three sizes listening to all that. 114 00:06:08,560 --> 00:06:10,520 Speaker 1: It does make me want to compliment other people when 115 00:06:10,520 --> 00:06:13,080 Speaker 1: I see their kids acting good, like that's it, because 116 00:06:13,080 --> 00:06:14,640 Speaker 1: people are going to remember it. And I actually have 117 00:06:14,680 --> 00:06:19,280 Speaker 1: that opportunity a lot. Well, sometimes depending on how are 118 00:06:19,600 --> 00:06:22,160 Speaker 1: sometimes we just keep quiet, we can't say anything nice, 119 00:06:22,200 --> 00:06:26,039 Speaker 1: we don't say anything at all exactly. So our other 120 00:06:26,080 --> 00:06:28,120 Speaker 1: thing I think we had this somewhat in common, is 121 00:06:28,160 --> 00:06:31,159 Speaker 1: that I was very proud of how non complaining my 122 00:06:31,240 --> 00:06:34,240 Speaker 1: kids were in general about the pandemic and the changes 123 00:06:34,320 --> 00:06:37,400 Speaker 1: about masks. I have one kid that seems to want 124 00:06:37,400 --> 00:06:39,719 Speaker 1: to wear masks forever and they can continue to do 125 00:06:39,760 --> 00:06:43,120 Speaker 1: that if they'd like, and not being able to do 126 00:06:43,160 --> 00:06:45,640 Speaker 1: things they weren't like, oh, that's not fair, I can't 127 00:06:45,640 --> 00:06:47,520 Speaker 1: have a birthday party. They were like, oh, okay, we 128 00:06:47,560 --> 00:06:50,159 Speaker 1: get it, pandemic, that's fine. Whatever. Like they were happy 129 00:06:50,200 --> 00:06:52,520 Speaker 1: about the little things when we got popcorn or going 130 00:06:52,520 --> 00:06:55,120 Speaker 1: outside to take walks. And I don't know if they 131 00:06:55,120 --> 00:06:57,200 Speaker 1: would have kept their good natured spirits up for like 132 00:06:57,279 --> 00:07:00,839 Speaker 1: five more years of that, but I was pretty pretty impressed. 133 00:07:00,960 --> 00:07:04,560 Speaker 1: I guess they're just more adaptable than sometimes we think. Yeah, 134 00:07:04,600 --> 00:07:08,120 Speaker 1: I was pleasantly surprised by how they rolled with it, 135 00:07:08,279 --> 00:07:10,320 Speaker 1: especially at the beginning when everything was just like what 136 00:07:10,400 --> 00:07:13,000 Speaker 1: on earth is going on? It was just like, Okay, 137 00:07:13,080 --> 00:07:15,680 Speaker 1: we don't have any more school, Guess we're homeschooling. Guess 138 00:07:15,680 --> 00:07:18,960 Speaker 1: we'll play minecraft. I mean, it was just like, okay, 139 00:07:19,600 --> 00:07:23,520 Speaker 1: you know, I'm glad that you're not really concerned about it, 140 00:07:23,760 --> 00:07:27,000 Speaker 1: which is good because they shouldn't be their kids, and 141 00:07:27,880 --> 00:07:29,640 Speaker 1: we had sat at the beginning. It's like our job 142 00:07:29,720 --> 00:07:31,880 Speaker 1: to make them feel this is more of an adventure 143 00:07:32,160 --> 00:07:36,880 Speaker 1: than a horrible, awful thing that is happening. And they've 144 00:07:36,920 --> 00:07:39,200 Speaker 1: been pretty good about it and about managing the hybrid 145 00:07:39,280 --> 00:07:41,520 Speaker 1: school schedule, and then now we're back full time, which 146 00:07:41,560 --> 00:07:44,680 Speaker 1: is wonderful, but just yeah, rolling with the punches. And 147 00:07:44,920 --> 00:07:47,800 Speaker 1: I know that many people have not had as good 148 00:07:47,800 --> 00:07:50,320 Speaker 1: an experience, and maybe their schools have not been as 149 00:07:51,240 --> 00:07:54,200 Speaker 1: quick to get back in person, and we feel for 150 00:07:54,240 --> 00:07:56,920 Speaker 1: people who are still dealing with all this right now. 151 00:07:56,920 --> 00:08:00,880 Speaker 1: But yeah, I was amazed at how resilient they were 152 00:08:01,160 --> 00:08:04,600 Speaker 1: about it and grateful too. I do think, well, you 153 00:08:04,720 --> 00:08:06,720 Speaker 1: have some kids that are close to teens, but from 154 00:08:07,040 --> 00:08:09,520 Speaker 1: what I've gleaned from patients and people with older kids 155 00:08:09,600 --> 00:08:11,680 Speaker 1: is that the ones who struggled a little bit more 156 00:08:11,720 --> 00:08:13,960 Speaker 1: and a lot more in some cases were kind of 157 00:08:13,960 --> 00:08:16,240 Speaker 1: the older teenagers, which I guess makes sense. They're like 158 00:08:16,360 --> 00:08:20,000 Speaker 1: closer to being adults, but still with lacking a lot 159 00:08:20,000 --> 00:08:22,480 Speaker 1: of self regulation because they're teenagers. I mean, that's normal, 160 00:08:22,920 --> 00:08:25,480 Speaker 1: kind of interesting. Well, and it disrupted so many of 161 00:08:25,520 --> 00:08:29,280 Speaker 1: their friendships and romantic relationships and things like that. And 162 00:08:29,320 --> 00:08:32,280 Speaker 1: you're trying to establish your identity apart from your parents 163 00:08:32,360 --> 00:08:34,600 Speaker 1: and suddenly your back stuck with your parents twenty four 164 00:08:34,640 --> 00:08:38,400 Speaker 1: to seven. That can really be awful, and especially if 165 00:08:38,440 --> 00:08:41,640 Speaker 1: you're having to miss things like prom and graduation and 166 00:08:41,720 --> 00:08:44,280 Speaker 1: senior trips and all these things that are so part 167 00:08:44,360 --> 00:08:47,600 Speaker 1: of people's stories and their identity. I mean, it's just 168 00:08:47,960 --> 00:08:49,760 Speaker 1: and they're old enough to recognize they're not going to 169 00:08:49,800 --> 00:08:51,520 Speaker 1: get it back. Yeah, they're not going to get it back. 170 00:08:52,040 --> 00:08:54,520 Speaker 1: A lot of thing makes my heart hurt. Yeah, No, 171 00:08:54,600 --> 00:08:57,880 Speaker 1: I'm who said I was grateful that we, you know, 172 00:08:57,880 --> 00:09:01,840 Speaker 1: our kids were the age that they were we recently 173 00:09:01,840 --> 00:09:03,960 Speaker 1: had Maybe I could share a picture of this somewhere. 174 00:09:03,960 --> 00:09:06,520 Speaker 1: But the older ones set up a sibling Olympics, which 175 00:09:06,600 --> 00:09:10,520 Speaker 1: was pretty cool. One of the events in the Sibling 176 00:09:10,559 --> 00:09:14,199 Speaker 1: Olympics was making breakfast, so I got some waffles and 177 00:09:14,360 --> 00:09:18,040 Speaker 1: pancakes and eggs and strawberries out of that. That was 178 00:09:18,040 --> 00:09:21,560 Speaker 1: pretty cool. And I also really love seeing them take 179 00:09:21,600 --> 00:09:24,959 Speaker 1: care of Henry that he has a lot of people 180 00:09:25,040 --> 00:09:28,280 Speaker 1: who can play with him, which is really helpful. You know, 181 00:09:28,360 --> 00:09:30,560 Speaker 1: they can have kids sit with him for a while 182 00:09:30,840 --> 00:09:33,240 Speaker 1: or play with him for twenty minutes when I need 183 00:09:33,280 --> 00:09:36,920 Speaker 1: to do something else. Having a lot of kids can 184 00:09:36,920 --> 00:09:39,000 Speaker 1: be harder than having fewer kids, I guess in some ways. 185 00:09:39,000 --> 00:09:41,160 Speaker 1: But once you get older ones, they start to have 186 00:09:41,880 --> 00:09:47,160 Speaker 1: the helpful element sometimes, and that is great. I've really 187 00:09:47,240 --> 00:09:49,760 Speaker 1: enjoyed seeing that side of their personalities come out too. 188 00:09:50,160 --> 00:09:52,320 Speaker 1: Love it. Shall we go ahead and take a break 189 00:09:52,320 --> 00:09:56,160 Speaker 1: before we get to our bad parenting moments. Perfect believe 190 00:09:56,160 --> 00:10:13,040 Speaker 1: we'll be right back. Some negativity. All right, we are back. 191 00:10:13,240 --> 00:10:16,120 Speaker 1: And since we're gonna we're gonna make if anybody has 192 00:10:16,160 --> 00:10:18,880 Speaker 1: heard of a feedback sandwich where you give something good 193 00:10:18,960 --> 00:10:21,520 Speaker 1: and then you give something constructive or not so good, 194 00:10:21,520 --> 00:10:24,200 Speaker 1: and then you give something good, this episode opportunities for 195 00:10:24,320 --> 00:10:28,760 Speaker 1: growth exactly. This episode is going to follow that structure. 196 00:10:29,240 --> 00:10:34,160 Speaker 1: So this is in part because personally, I feel that 197 00:10:34,200 --> 00:10:36,600 Speaker 1: I benefit from hearing others low moments sometimes because it 198 00:10:36,640 --> 00:10:38,640 Speaker 1: makes me feel a lot less alone when I have 199 00:10:38,720 --> 00:10:41,280 Speaker 1: my own, makes me feel less like there's something wrong 200 00:10:41,320 --> 00:10:42,880 Speaker 1: with me. So Laura and I are going to go ahead. 201 00:10:42,880 --> 00:10:45,160 Speaker 1: We're gonna be a little and more anonymous with this because, 202 00:10:45,400 --> 00:10:49,439 Speaker 1: again but helpfully, we have each a few kids, so 203 00:10:49,520 --> 00:10:54,600 Speaker 1: we're able to tell somebody's story anymous without entirely telling them. Okay, 204 00:10:54,720 --> 00:10:57,560 Speaker 1: my first one is in the kind of toddler years, 205 00:10:58,280 --> 00:11:01,440 Speaker 1: and we had a particularly memorable plane flight where one 206 00:11:01,520 --> 00:11:04,599 Speaker 1: child exploded a baby food pouch which happened to be blueberry, 207 00:11:04,640 --> 00:11:07,440 Speaker 1: of course, all over everyone like in a row. The 208 00:11:07,640 --> 00:11:11,000 Speaker 1: other child fell asleep and had an accident and did 209 00:11:11,040 --> 00:11:13,640 Speaker 1: not want to change and had to be carried partially 210 00:11:13,760 --> 00:11:18,600 Speaker 1: unclothed and whiling through the airport. So that felt like 211 00:11:18,679 --> 00:11:21,640 Speaker 1: a low moment. And if you've been there, well, just 212 00:11:21,720 --> 00:11:25,480 Speaker 1: know that you're not alone. There's somebody else carrying a 213 00:11:25,559 --> 00:11:29,160 Speaker 1: naked child through the airport covered in blueberry apple sauce 214 00:11:29,320 --> 00:11:33,360 Speaker 1: or whatever it is. Yeah, so I know I've told 215 00:11:33,360 --> 00:11:35,679 Speaker 1: this particular low moment before at some point, but maybe 216 00:11:35,679 --> 00:11:37,440 Speaker 1: it was one hundred episodes ago. So if you aren't 217 00:11:37,520 --> 00:11:41,320 Speaker 1: worth listening, then back when I was pregnant with number four, 218 00:11:41,920 --> 00:11:43,760 Speaker 1: so I had three older children, but they were not 219 00:11:43,880 --> 00:11:47,480 Speaker 1: very old. We had rented a house in the Jersey Shore, 220 00:11:47,679 --> 00:11:51,640 Speaker 1: and theoretically we were either supposed to have a babysitter 221 00:11:51,679 --> 00:11:54,480 Speaker 1: there or my husband there with me the whole time, 222 00:11:54,520 --> 00:11:57,040 Speaker 1: but that did not happen for various reasons, And so 223 00:11:57,080 --> 00:12:00,400 Speaker 1: I was spending a lot of time rainy day at 224 00:12:00,440 --> 00:12:03,280 Speaker 1: a beach house with three small children while pregnant. And 225 00:12:03,320 --> 00:12:06,360 Speaker 1: at some point some of the children elected to start 226 00:12:06,400 --> 00:12:08,960 Speaker 1: a game to entertain themselves in which they jump off 227 00:12:09,000 --> 00:12:12,240 Speaker 1: the front porch railing into the bushes. So I was 228 00:12:12,240 --> 00:12:14,600 Speaker 1: not a big fan of that game, and at one 229 00:12:14,600 --> 00:12:16,440 Speaker 1: point I was out on the sidewalk. I just like 230 00:12:16,640 --> 00:12:20,880 Speaker 1: lost it, like screaming about stop jumping off the railing, 231 00:12:21,720 --> 00:12:27,040 Speaker 1: and the neighbors complained to our landlord about the crazy 232 00:12:27,080 --> 00:12:30,720 Speaker 1: screaming lady on the sidewalk, so she calls to try 233 00:12:30,760 --> 00:12:33,240 Speaker 1: to suss out if there's like some sort of child 234 00:12:33,280 --> 00:12:36,600 Speaker 1: abuse that needs to be reported. So that was a 235 00:12:36,640 --> 00:12:41,360 Speaker 1: particularly low moment for me. I was not thrilled about that. 236 00:12:41,480 --> 00:12:43,959 Speaker 1: Hop like, maybe your kids were jumping off to escape 237 00:12:44,120 --> 00:12:47,200 Speaker 1: the yelling lady or something. I don't know. I don't 238 00:12:47,200 --> 00:12:49,599 Speaker 1: know they were. They were just jumping off because it 239 00:12:49,640 --> 00:12:54,520 Speaker 1: was the thing to do. Oh my goodness. Interesting that 240 00:12:54,559 --> 00:12:58,079 Speaker 1: those both involved vacations. I think vacations are a you're 241 00:12:58,080 --> 00:13:00,280 Speaker 1: in a new scenario. You may have predict did your 242 00:13:00,360 --> 00:13:04,280 Speaker 1: children would act one way? They didn't. We all learned things, 243 00:13:04,360 --> 00:13:06,800 Speaker 1: but at least we have memories to take away. Yes, 244 00:13:07,240 --> 00:13:11,000 Speaker 1: all right, my seconds a little more heartfelt and you know, 245 00:13:11,480 --> 00:13:15,280 Speaker 1: still something we're kind of dealing with at times. But 246 00:13:15,600 --> 00:13:18,960 Speaker 1: just receiving negative feedback from a teacher about behavior, especially 247 00:13:18,960 --> 00:13:22,640 Speaker 1: when it's repeated and that nothing changes, It keeps happening, 248 00:13:22,679 --> 00:13:24,200 Speaker 1: and you start worrying that the kid is going to 249 00:13:24,200 --> 00:13:27,000 Speaker 1: hate school. Readers of my blog. I've gone into a 250 00:13:27,040 --> 00:13:30,080 Speaker 1: little bit more detail, but this can be tough. And 251 00:13:31,120 --> 00:13:33,880 Speaker 1: I will say from a parenting perspective, when I hear 252 00:13:33,920 --> 00:13:36,480 Speaker 1: other people going through this, I never think to myself, Wow, 253 00:13:36,520 --> 00:13:38,880 Speaker 1: you must be like crappy parents. And yet when I 254 00:13:39,000 --> 00:13:41,320 Speaker 1: was going through it, I absolutely was like, well, I 255 00:13:41,360 --> 00:13:44,439 Speaker 1: must have done everything wrong. We've allowed so much screen time. 256 00:13:44,679 --> 00:13:47,319 Speaker 1: I'm sure that's, you know, the root of all evil. 257 00:13:47,400 --> 00:13:50,400 Speaker 1: And I could have done things better, or I should 258 00:13:50,440 --> 00:13:52,679 Speaker 1: have you know, helped my kids be more prepared or something. 259 00:13:52,679 --> 00:13:55,680 Speaker 1: I don't know. You do go to blaming yourself. And 260 00:13:55,720 --> 00:13:57,439 Speaker 1: it's been helpful to hear from a lot of people 261 00:13:57,480 --> 00:13:59,440 Speaker 1: that like they had those thoughts too, But really that's 262 00:13:59,480 --> 00:14:04,200 Speaker 1: probably not accurate. So we are doing proactive things now 263 00:14:04,240 --> 00:14:08,720 Speaker 1: and we've poured time and resources into helping with things. 264 00:14:09,160 --> 00:14:11,520 Speaker 1: So that's good. But it was kind of a lower 265 00:14:11,679 --> 00:14:15,840 Speaker 1: parenting moment because it's all well and good to be 266 00:14:16,679 --> 00:14:18,199 Speaker 1: I don't know to say, you can be very hands 267 00:14:18,200 --> 00:14:20,600 Speaker 1: off and let kids be independent about school when they're 268 00:14:20,600 --> 00:14:25,800 Speaker 1: doing a great job, but when things aren't as successful, 269 00:14:26,040 --> 00:14:28,720 Speaker 1: it does become more difficult and you have to reevaluate 270 00:14:28,760 --> 00:14:34,760 Speaker 1: what your role is. Yeah, So semi related. I have 271 00:14:34,800 --> 00:14:38,560 Speaker 1: one child that I'm sure people longtime listeners know exactly 272 00:14:38,560 --> 00:14:42,400 Speaker 1: which one this is, but who in any sort of 273 00:14:42,600 --> 00:14:48,000 Speaker 1: group setting will sometimes get into trouble for being physical. 274 00:14:48,880 --> 00:14:54,200 Speaker 1: And this makes sometimes group sports just painful because you 275 00:14:54,240 --> 00:14:57,120 Speaker 1: are constantly watching to make sure that he's not going 276 00:14:57,200 --> 00:15:01,400 Speaker 1: to do something that is going to freak other parents out. 277 00:15:01,920 --> 00:15:04,840 Speaker 1: And this, you know, like this is a soccer game 278 00:15:04,880 --> 00:15:08,280 Speaker 1: the other day where yeah, I'm not sure, like I'm 279 00:15:08,320 --> 00:15:10,200 Speaker 1: not gonna say he isn't instigating it. I don't think 280 00:15:10,200 --> 00:15:11,880 Speaker 1: he's always instigating it, but he has a good chance 281 00:15:11,880 --> 00:15:16,040 Speaker 1: of being the one who gets caught. So like somebody's like, 282 00:15:16,320 --> 00:15:18,800 Speaker 1: that child is kicking my kid. He's got to be 283 00:15:18,840 --> 00:15:22,160 Speaker 1: separated away from my kid. And I'm like, like, it 284 00:15:22,320 --> 00:15:26,000 Speaker 1: just always stinks to be the bad parent, right, Like 285 00:15:26,040 --> 00:15:29,600 Speaker 1: you're the one whose kid is you know, causing the 286 00:15:29,720 --> 00:15:33,800 Speaker 1: problem or I don't know, maybe keeping somebody else's child 287 00:15:33,840 --> 00:15:36,440 Speaker 1: from performing at their highest where they're going to be 288 00:15:36,480 --> 00:15:39,600 Speaker 1: noticed for the travel soccer team. I don't know what's 289 00:15:39,680 --> 00:15:45,040 Speaker 1: going on, but it just is painful to deal with 290 00:15:45,080 --> 00:15:47,920 Speaker 1: that over and over again. And yet you don't want 291 00:15:47,960 --> 00:15:52,040 Speaker 1: to like not let the kid play sports. There we go. 292 00:15:52,200 --> 00:15:55,040 Speaker 1: I don't know, that is hard, that is super hard. 293 00:15:56,760 --> 00:15:58,840 Speaker 1: All right, Well, here's we're going a little back to 294 00:15:58,920 --> 00:16:01,040 Speaker 1: babyhood because we do have a lot of listeners who 295 00:16:01,040 --> 00:16:03,360 Speaker 1: are still in the thick of those baby and toddther years. 296 00:16:03,440 --> 00:16:06,120 Speaker 1: So I will share a vivid memory. I was taking 297 00:16:06,160 --> 00:16:08,240 Speaker 1: Annabel to ballet class, which I could tell some stories 298 00:16:08,240 --> 00:16:09,880 Speaker 1: about that in and of itself. She was not the 299 00:16:09,920 --> 00:16:14,840 Speaker 1: most enthusiastic ballet participant, but that's okay. But I had 300 00:16:14,880 --> 00:16:18,040 Speaker 1: Genevieve with me. She went to class, and I was 301 00:16:18,080 --> 00:16:19,840 Speaker 1: I don't know, she was like maybe six months old, 302 00:16:20,200 --> 00:16:24,560 Speaker 1: ninetieth percentile, you know, pretty much exclusively breast well, exclusively breastbread. 303 00:16:24,760 --> 00:16:26,640 Speaker 1: I think I had some like baby foods, but otherwise 304 00:16:26,880 --> 00:16:30,560 Speaker 1: just breast milk. So clearly this is a big honkin baby. 305 00:16:31,080 --> 00:16:33,600 Speaker 1: But sometimes she would just scream and cry, not want 306 00:16:33,600 --> 00:16:34,840 Speaker 1: to take my boob, or act like I didn't have 307 00:16:34,920 --> 00:16:37,440 Speaker 1: enough milk, like for whatever reason, and she got into 308 00:16:37,440 --> 00:16:39,560 Speaker 1: one of those modes at the ballet class. I'm sure 309 00:16:39,600 --> 00:16:41,600 Speaker 1: compounded by the fact that like I'm sweating and people 310 00:16:41,640 --> 00:16:43,640 Speaker 1: are like watching me and like it's you know, that 311 00:16:43,680 --> 00:16:46,320 Speaker 1: probably made things worse and some well, meeting lady like 312 00:16:46,360 --> 00:16:47,960 Speaker 1: walked up to me and was like, you know, you 313 00:16:48,000 --> 00:16:50,080 Speaker 1: should just feed her or something like that. Like while 314 00:16:50,120 --> 00:16:52,160 Speaker 1: I was like holding her between attempts to feed her, 315 00:16:52,560 --> 00:16:54,440 Speaker 1: and I think I like bit her head off. I 316 00:16:54,480 --> 00:16:57,120 Speaker 1: was like I have been like, oh, like, I don't 317 00:16:57,120 --> 00:16:59,040 Speaker 1: remember what I said, but I remember being like, I 318 00:16:59,080 --> 00:17:00,920 Speaker 1: need some space from you right now. And I like 319 00:17:00,960 --> 00:17:03,240 Speaker 1: walked out of there because like I had been trying 320 00:17:03,280 --> 00:17:05,719 Speaker 1: to put her on to feed her like ten times 321 00:17:05,720 --> 00:17:07,639 Speaker 1: and she would like take two SIPs and then reject 322 00:17:07,680 --> 00:17:10,840 Speaker 1: because it was like empty. Meanwhile again big hunkin baby, 323 00:17:11,000 --> 00:17:14,600 Speaker 1: like not deprived. Oh it was like obviously I still 324 00:17:14,600 --> 00:17:17,320 Speaker 1: remember it now. It was a low moment. It was traumatizing. 325 00:17:18,280 --> 00:17:22,320 Speaker 1: Lesson is, don't say stuff like that to a mother 326 00:17:22,440 --> 00:17:26,240 Speaker 1: of an infant. Oh, yeah, I should feed her. Thanks 327 00:17:26,280 --> 00:17:28,280 Speaker 1: for that helpful to I haven't been feeding her like 328 00:17:28,359 --> 00:17:34,199 Speaker 1: I should try that sometime. Yeah. We similar were overnight 329 00:17:34,640 --> 00:17:37,639 Speaker 1: in Washington, d C. Saying at a hotel when it 330 00:17:37,680 --> 00:17:40,560 Speaker 1: was just Michael and me and Jasper and he was 331 00:17:41,200 --> 00:17:44,440 Speaker 1: I don't know, nine months old similarly, and he would 332 00:17:44,520 --> 00:17:48,480 Speaker 1: not be comforted and so unfortunately he kept waking up 333 00:17:48,560 --> 00:17:51,080 Speaker 1: and crying and you know, I was like feeding him 334 00:17:51,119 --> 00:17:54,600 Speaker 1: more of a breastmolk bottle whatever, like you know, everything, 335 00:17:54,640 --> 00:17:57,280 Speaker 1: trying to get him to calm down. And at some 336 00:17:57,359 --> 00:18:01,000 Speaker 1: point our phone rings is the front desk because other 337 00:18:01,119 --> 00:18:05,480 Speaker 1: people are complaining, and it's like you need to get 338 00:18:05,520 --> 00:18:08,080 Speaker 1: your kid to calm down? Like what do you want 339 00:18:08,119 --> 00:18:10,080 Speaker 1: me to do? Like are we supposed to like smother him? 340 00:18:10,160 --> 00:18:12,080 Speaker 1: Like what do you think we're trying to do? Like 341 00:18:12,280 --> 00:18:15,880 Speaker 1: this is just not helpful, Like do you think we're 342 00:18:15,920 --> 00:18:18,280 Speaker 1: sitting there poking him with pins? Be Like you know, 343 00:18:18,320 --> 00:18:20,359 Speaker 1: we're the how to hotel guests who really like to 344 00:18:20,400 --> 00:18:23,800 Speaker 1: keep everyone else awake. That's when I check into a hotel. 345 00:18:23,920 --> 00:18:27,639 Speaker 1: That's what I go for. Oh that is so sad. 346 00:18:27,960 --> 00:18:30,320 Speaker 1: That is so unhelpful in the moment too. Yeah, what 347 00:18:30,320 --> 00:18:32,080 Speaker 1: are you supposed to do? What am I supposed to do? 348 00:18:32,280 --> 00:18:34,359 Speaker 1: It was time for your one am beach walk, I guess, 349 00:18:34,400 --> 00:18:38,600 Speaker 1: but like, oh my god, terrible. Yes, well, so that's 350 00:18:38,800 --> 00:18:42,800 Speaker 1: that's happened. Let's end this feedback sandwich and go to 351 00:18:43,680 --> 00:18:47,639 Speaker 1: the matters of things we really like or admire about 352 00:18:47,720 --> 00:18:51,760 Speaker 1: each of our kids. Do you want to start, Sarah? Yes, 353 00:18:51,840 --> 00:18:54,119 Speaker 1: we are back to positive. We are back to positive. 354 00:18:54,160 --> 00:18:57,639 Speaker 1: All right. So Annabelle, I'm proud of her when I 355 00:18:57,680 --> 00:19:02,480 Speaker 1: see her doing things independently, especially her you know, her schoolwork. 356 00:19:02,520 --> 00:19:04,360 Speaker 1: She's really taken a lot of ownership and I see 357 00:19:04,400 --> 00:19:07,440 Speaker 1: her responding really well to the teacher she currently has. 358 00:19:07,600 --> 00:19:09,800 Speaker 1: But I feel like she also has gotten it that 359 00:19:09,880 --> 00:19:11,760 Speaker 1: she needs to try hard for her own sake, and 360 00:19:11,800 --> 00:19:15,320 Speaker 1: I don't feel like I did that really, but I've 361 00:19:15,400 --> 00:19:18,240 Speaker 1: watched it happen and it's really gratifying to see. And 362 00:19:18,400 --> 00:19:19,920 Speaker 1: I think the same is true when she does art. 363 00:19:19,960 --> 00:19:23,280 Speaker 1: She's really very good artist, and she's self motivated to 364 00:19:23,480 --> 00:19:26,000 Speaker 1: learn new things and watches videos to create new stuff. 365 00:19:26,040 --> 00:19:29,680 Speaker 1: So I love that about her and like just seeing 366 00:19:30,320 --> 00:19:34,000 Speaker 1: self regulation develop, Like we took a trip together pre COVID, 367 00:19:34,000 --> 00:19:36,080 Speaker 1: like when she was seven. It was actually fun, Like 368 00:19:36,119 --> 00:19:39,199 Speaker 1: getting to that point with your kid at a not 369 00:19:39,280 --> 00:19:42,480 Speaker 1: too old age, just like really gratifying. So that is 370 00:19:42,520 --> 00:19:44,479 Speaker 1: really cool. I guess let us do all three then 371 00:19:44,480 --> 00:19:47,360 Speaker 1: you can go for it for it. With Cameron, I 372 00:19:47,400 --> 00:19:49,920 Speaker 1: am very proud of him. Well, he has two things 373 00:19:49,920 --> 00:19:53,000 Speaker 1: that I'm very proud of. Number One, he is very gregarious, 374 00:19:53,000 --> 00:19:56,200 Speaker 1: like he will talk to anyone, He's not afraid. He 375 00:19:56,440 --> 00:19:58,359 Speaker 1: is very friendly he always has been. When he was 376 00:19:58,400 --> 00:20:00,320 Speaker 1: one year old, like I would walk away, like I 377 00:20:00,320 --> 00:20:02,280 Speaker 1: would beat a restaurant, and he would. He would like 378 00:20:02,480 --> 00:20:04,399 Speaker 1: kindly like walk up to such strangers and like I 379 00:20:04,520 --> 00:20:07,560 Speaker 1: want to have conversations with them in this very charming way. 380 00:20:07,600 --> 00:20:09,400 Speaker 1: And I think he's maintained a lot of that as 381 00:20:09,400 --> 00:20:12,920 Speaker 1: he's gotten older. But also when I watch him play sports, 382 00:20:12,960 --> 00:20:16,159 Speaker 1: I'm like, wow, those are natural abilities I don't personally have. 383 00:20:16,359 --> 00:20:21,480 Speaker 1: That's really cool. And he is able to really focus 384 00:20:21,520 --> 00:20:24,000 Speaker 1: and listen to his coach in an active environment, and 385 00:20:24,119 --> 00:20:26,720 Speaker 1: is also quite fearless in how he handles his body 386 00:20:26,800 --> 00:20:29,280 Speaker 1: in sports and tends to really be like the player 387 00:20:29,359 --> 00:20:31,920 Speaker 1: you can tell is like trying his hardest out there 388 00:20:31,920 --> 00:20:34,639 Speaker 1: on the field, So that is really fun to watch. 389 00:20:35,680 --> 00:20:38,280 Speaker 1: And then finally Genevieve, who is three, so you know, 390 00:20:38,680 --> 00:20:41,800 Speaker 1: has many more years in front of her to impress me, 391 00:20:42,000 --> 00:20:44,880 Speaker 1: but right now, I'd say her independence is pretty amazing, 392 00:20:44,920 --> 00:20:47,600 Speaker 1: and sometimes I do credit her Montessori school, just like 393 00:20:47,640 --> 00:20:50,159 Speaker 1: that lady did. She is the only child at that 394 00:20:50,200 --> 00:20:52,440 Speaker 1: age who will go to the bathroom completely by herself, 395 00:20:52,600 --> 00:20:55,760 Speaker 1: wash hands, flush everything, like I try to double check things, 396 00:20:55,760 --> 00:20:59,640 Speaker 1: but really handles it and I'll see her like engaging 397 00:20:59,640 --> 00:21:02,040 Speaker 1: in playing with Calgo critters or blocks or something, and 398 00:21:02,080 --> 00:21:04,280 Speaker 1: she'll just be like talking to herself and acting out 399 00:21:04,280 --> 00:21:07,119 Speaker 1: scenes for like long periods of time, and it just 400 00:21:07,160 --> 00:21:10,640 Speaker 1: makes me so happy to see her do that. That's awesome. Yeah, 401 00:21:10,640 --> 00:21:12,960 Speaker 1: it's so fun to see that develop in little kids. 402 00:21:13,880 --> 00:21:17,000 Speaker 1: So Jasper's sort of similarly with Cameron. I love his 403 00:21:17,080 --> 00:21:20,359 Speaker 1: ability to talk to other people, and I'm sort of 404 00:21:20,400 --> 00:21:23,800 Speaker 1: bizarrely socially awkward. I don't know, it's situations. I never 405 00:21:23,840 --> 00:21:26,800 Speaker 1: want to seek out someone to ask a question about something. 406 00:21:27,359 --> 00:21:29,920 Speaker 1: And so we're in Barnes and Noble the other day 407 00:21:29,960 --> 00:21:31,680 Speaker 1: and he's like, well, I wonder where some book is 408 00:21:31,840 --> 00:21:34,199 Speaker 1: I want to go get And I'm like, oh, I 409 00:21:34,200 --> 00:21:36,200 Speaker 1: got to go like hunt through the YA section and 410 00:21:36,280 --> 00:21:38,359 Speaker 1: like turn around, and he's over at the information desk 411 00:21:38,480 --> 00:21:41,040 Speaker 1: like having a discussion with the lady about you know, 412 00:21:41,160 --> 00:21:43,120 Speaker 1: the book and like what books he likes, and they're 413 00:21:43,160 --> 00:21:44,879 Speaker 1: going to walk over there together and they're finding it. 414 00:21:44,960 --> 00:21:48,080 Speaker 1: I'm just like, Okay, well, I'm glad that he could 415 00:21:48,160 --> 00:21:50,960 Speaker 1: do that, because it's you know, it would have taken 416 00:21:51,000 --> 00:21:53,960 Speaker 1: me forever in an awkward conversation and you know, he 417 00:21:54,359 --> 00:21:58,520 Speaker 1: did it Sam. I mean, one of the things that 418 00:21:58,680 --> 00:22:01,399 Speaker 1: is so cool about Sam is he's like mister cool. 419 00:22:01,440 --> 00:22:03,720 Speaker 1: I mean, so the things is cool, but he doesn't 420 00:22:03,720 --> 00:22:08,440 Speaker 1: get upset about things. He's very unflappable. And one of 421 00:22:08,480 --> 00:22:11,840 Speaker 1: the ways I saw this when he was wrestling a 422 00:22:11,840 --> 00:22:14,360 Speaker 1: couple of years ago. That was the sport he elected 423 00:22:14,359 --> 00:22:17,400 Speaker 1: to do on his own. Nobody in my family's ever wrestled. 424 00:22:17,560 --> 00:22:20,320 Speaker 1: He just found a flyer and decided he wanted to 425 00:22:20,320 --> 00:22:23,119 Speaker 1: do it. I don't really recommend wrestling as a sport 426 00:22:23,200 --> 00:22:25,760 Speaker 1: if you are neutral among sports and looking for one 427 00:22:26,040 --> 00:22:29,159 Speaker 1: for your kids, but many people like it. But anyway, 428 00:22:29,240 --> 00:22:31,520 Speaker 1: if you lose in a wrestling off. He won many matches, 429 00:22:31,520 --> 00:22:34,720 Speaker 1: but when you lose, you lose in a public, obvious, 430 00:22:35,200 --> 00:22:38,560 Speaker 1: one on one physical way, right, and it can be 431 00:22:38,720 --> 00:22:41,600 Speaker 1: so hard on kids, Like lots of the little boys 432 00:22:41,640 --> 00:22:44,399 Speaker 1: would like cry, scream, you know if they lost. He 433 00:22:44,440 --> 00:22:46,439 Speaker 1: would let it roll right off of him. It was 434 00:22:46,720 --> 00:22:49,520 Speaker 1: really amazing, like it was never an issue. It's just 435 00:22:49,560 --> 00:22:52,280 Speaker 1: like that was that. Move on to the next one. 436 00:22:52,280 --> 00:22:54,920 Speaker 1: I'm like, I wish I could be like that, right. 437 00:22:55,880 --> 00:23:00,920 Speaker 1: Ruth Is I love her creativity. She is an author 438 00:23:01,280 --> 00:23:06,399 Speaker 1: already at age nine. She recently wrote a book about 439 00:23:06,520 --> 00:23:10,880 Speaker 1: a pandemic, which was a virus that she's currently called 440 00:23:10,880 --> 00:23:13,800 Speaker 1: the kid Only Virus because it only attacks children between 441 00:23:13,800 --> 00:23:15,600 Speaker 1: the ages of four and eighteen. It is not fatal, 442 00:23:15,640 --> 00:23:17,159 Speaker 1: it is not that dark a book, but it is on, 443 00:23:17,760 --> 00:23:20,840 Speaker 1: you know, a virus that attacks children. And she wants 444 00:23:20,880 --> 00:23:22,240 Speaker 1: to change the name because she's like, well, I'm only 445 00:23:22,240 --> 00:23:24,320 Speaker 1: calling it kid only for now because that's what it is. 446 00:23:24,480 --> 00:23:27,000 Speaker 1: But she's like trying to figure out what other language 447 00:23:27,119 --> 00:23:29,359 Speaker 1: she could have it in, because she knows that that's 448 00:23:29,400 --> 00:23:32,320 Speaker 1: a creative way to name things, you know, like JK Rolling. 449 00:23:32,359 --> 00:23:35,600 Speaker 1: All her stuff is Latin, Like Root's going to come 450 00:23:35,680 --> 00:23:39,119 Speaker 1: up with I don't know, you know, Russian or something 451 00:23:39,160 --> 00:23:42,639 Speaker 1: to name this virus. But you know, it's got an 452 00:23:42,680 --> 00:23:44,919 Speaker 1: evil mastermind who wants to take over the world with 453 00:23:44,920 --> 00:23:46,879 Speaker 1: his robots. But the robots don't attack kids, so I 454 00:23:46,920 --> 00:23:49,240 Speaker 1: need something else to attack kids. It is a great story. 455 00:23:49,280 --> 00:23:52,040 Speaker 1: I loved it. She actually wrote a poem about she 456 00:23:52,080 --> 00:23:53,880 Speaker 1: gave herself a haircut when she was four years old, 457 00:23:53,920 --> 00:23:55,800 Speaker 1: like she chopped off her own hair, had a little 458 00:23:55,840 --> 00:23:58,160 Speaker 1: PIXI cut for a year after that, but she wrote 459 00:23:58,200 --> 00:24:01,119 Speaker 1: a poem about it. That said I looked terrible. A 460 00:24:01,160 --> 00:24:03,800 Speaker 1: ponytail was not wearable. I was like, that is that 461 00:24:03,960 --> 00:24:07,480 Speaker 1: as better than I could do? Like that is perfect. 462 00:24:07,720 --> 00:24:09,680 Speaker 1: That couplet is just gut. She did not look terrible. 463 00:24:09,720 --> 00:24:13,680 Speaker 1: She looked very cute. But whatever. You know, Alex is 464 00:24:14,200 --> 00:24:19,720 Speaker 1: my little rebel, which is occasionally challenging because I am 465 00:24:19,880 --> 00:24:22,520 Speaker 1: more of an upholder and so that is an you know, 466 00:24:22,560 --> 00:24:25,600 Speaker 1: a combination for parents and child that can lead to 467 00:24:25,800 --> 00:24:30,639 Speaker 1: some conflict, but we are channeling it as much as possible. 468 00:24:30,960 --> 00:24:34,239 Speaker 1: You know, he's started doing weapons training at karate and 469 00:24:34,280 --> 00:24:38,199 Speaker 1: loves it, like he's really good at sparring. But the 470 00:24:38,280 --> 00:24:41,160 Speaker 1: other day at rock climbing, he we just had such 471 00:24:41,160 --> 00:24:43,040 Speaker 1: a wonderful morning with this. So at rock climbing, he's 472 00:24:43,119 --> 00:24:47,119 Speaker 1: just going to the top of everything and he I 473 00:24:47,160 --> 00:24:49,679 Speaker 1: think started out scared of heights, but he just he 474 00:24:49,720 --> 00:24:51,960 Speaker 1: wants to climb, and so he conquered that and now 475 00:24:52,000 --> 00:24:54,440 Speaker 1: he just zips to the top over and to the 476 00:24:54,440 --> 00:24:56,800 Speaker 1: point where other parents, you know, in soccer. Sorry we 477 00:24:56,840 --> 00:24:59,880 Speaker 1: didn't say which child that was, but parents are coming 478 00:25:00,119 --> 00:25:03,920 Speaker 1: to me being like, oh, he's amazing, he's amazing, and yes, 479 00:25:04,280 --> 00:25:08,280 Speaker 1: he's like very physically adapt things like that, and you know, 480 00:25:08,440 --> 00:25:11,080 Speaker 1: it's just so curious. Like in the car to and 481 00:25:11,119 --> 00:25:13,920 Speaker 1: from rock climbing, he's like, Mommy, give me math problems. 482 00:25:13,960 --> 00:25:15,960 Speaker 1: I'm like okay, and he's like, I want some that 483 00:25:16,000 --> 00:25:19,320 Speaker 1: are in the overworld that's positive numbers, and some that 484 00:25:19,359 --> 00:25:21,920 Speaker 1: are in the nether world that's negative numbers. Like that's 485 00:25:21,960 --> 00:25:26,119 Speaker 1: a little Minecraft, like you know, mishmash with with math 486 00:25:26,280 --> 00:25:28,840 Speaker 1: and so we we that's amazing. I hear my kids 487 00:25:28,840 --> 00:25:31,920 Speaker 1: talk about another but they're actually talking about pure pure draft, 488 00:25:32,320 --> 00:25:37,120 Speaker 1: not Minecraft and math. That's amazing mash up. And finally, 489 00:25:37,280 --> 00:25:40,640 Speaker 1: like Henry is just such a chill, happy baby for 490 00:25:40,720 --> 00:25:42,600 Speaker 1: like what he was born into. I mean when he 491 00:25:42,680 --> 00:25:46,400 Speaker 1: is happy, he is so happy, Like he's bouncing up 492 00:25:46,440 --> 00:25:48,480 Speaker 1: and down in the crib in the morning when I 493 00:25:48,560 --> 00:25:51,960 Speaker 1: come in, Like no one else does that, Like I love, 494 00:25:52,080 --> 00:25:54,040 Speaker 1: like nobody else wants to see me in the morning. 495 00:25:54,080 --> 00:26:00,199 Speaker 1: He's just like maybe it's because of what he was 496 00:26:00,200 --> 00:26:03,879 Speaker 1: born into. Maybe babies will like that. I'm sure it's exciting. 497 00:26:04,760 --> 00:26:08,080 Speaker 1: The world is here. I'm now he's and you know, 498 00:26:08,240 --> 00:26:11,720 Speaker 1: especially he's such a happy, resilient kid. I mean, like 499 00:26:11,720 --> 00:26:14,439 Speaker 1: I said, they just had this you know, huge childcare change, 500 00:26:14,520 --> 00:26:18,240 Speaker 1: and yet he has managed to deal with it and 501 00:26:18,920 --> 00:26:21,800 Speaker 1: you know, a little rough at times, but he's rolling 502 00:26:21,800 --> 00:26:24,760 Speaker 1: with the punches. And you know, I so look forward, 503 00:26:24,800 --> 00:26:26,560 Speaker 1: like you're saying with Jenevie, I look forward to seeing 504 00:26:26,600 --> 00:26:30,639 Speaker 1: what he's going to become. So exciting. All right, So 505 00:26:30,680 --> 00:26:34,560 Speaker 1: we move into our listener, Q and A. All right, 506 00:26:34,720 --> 00:26:38,080 Speaker 1: we can. Let's do it. Hi, Laura and Sarah, this 507 00:26:38,119 --> 00:26:40,760 Speaker 1: is a question for best of both worlds. My name 508 00:26:40,840 --> 00:26:44,080 Speaker 1: is Elizabeth and I live in Nova Scotia, Canada. I'm 509 00:26:44,080 --> 00:26:47,680 Speaker 1: wondering what advice you might have for framing unpaid work 510 00:26:47,760 --> 00:26:50,840 Speaker 1: on creative projects. For some background, I'm in a time 511 00:26:50,880 --> 00:26:54,200 Speaker 1: of real transition. My youngest child starrety kindergarten this year. 512 00:26:54,440 --> 00:26:56,680 Speaker 1: And while I've never stopped working part time since having 513 00:26:56,760 --> 00:26:59,520 Speaker 1: children and don't plan to leave my current employment in 514 00:26:59,560 --> 00:27:03,120 Speaker 1: the science and tech industry, I do have career aspirations 515 00:27:03,160 --> 00:27:06,159 Speaker 1: that fall outside this sphere. I have more time to 516 00:27:06,160 --> 00:27:09,280 Speaker 1: devote to curating my interests and honing my craft. If 517 00:27:09,280 --> 00:27:12,960 Speaker 1: I was completing another degree or participating in an apprenticeship, 518 00:27:13,119 --> 00:27:16,359 Speaker 1: it would be easy to categorize that unpaid work and 519 00:27:16,560 --> 00:27:20,840 Speaker 1: to legitimize and explain the investment of time and money. However, 520 00:27:21,000 --> 00:27:24,639 Speaker 1: my time spent pursuing creative goals is a strictly independent venture. 521 00:27:24,680 --> 00:27:27,040 Speaker 1: At this point, I don't want to label my work 522 00:27:27,080 --> 00:27:29,680 Speaker 1: a hobby, as that de elevates the role I hope 523 00:27:29,680 --> 00:27:32,200 Speaker 1: it plays in my future. What can I call it? 524 00:27:32,800 --> 00:27:35,560 Speaker 1: In turn? How do I prioritize it? And then how 525 00:27:35,560 --> 00:27:38,440 Speaker 1: does it factor into conversations when people ask what I do? 526 00:27:39,240 --> 00:27:42,560 Speaker 1: Thanks so much, I really appreciate any advice you can provide. 527 00:27:43,320 --> 00:27:46,239 Speaker 1: All right, well that was great. That was you know, 528 00:27:46,400 --> 00:27:50,520 Speaker 1: this question about taking on unpaid side activities. I mean 529 00:27:50,560 --> 00:27:54,119 Speaker 1: you sort of Sarah you have with you know, the podcasting. 530 00:27:54,119 --> 00:27:57,560 Speaker 1: At the beginning it was unpaid. The blog has I 531 00:27:57,560 --> 00:28:00,440 Speaker 1: mean it's got some ad and affiliate revenue, but that 532 00:28:00,680 --> 00:28:04,440 Speaker 1: wasn't necessarily where you started with not a major income stream. 533 00:28:04,480 --> 00:28:06,520 Speaker 1: And yes, you're right, I don't think I added ads 534 00:28:06,560 --> 00:28:09,520 Speaker 1: for the first seven or eight years of having it. 535 00:28:10,000 --> 00:28:12,560 Speaker 1: You know, Do you have any advice to start with 536 00:28:12,600 --> 00:28:16,440 Speaker 1: how you fit it in? Yeah? I mean, if you 537 00:28:16,680 --> 00:28:19,679 Speaker 1: enjoy doing it, you're going to do it. You have. 538 00:28:20,600 --> 00:28:22,120 Speaker 1: I don't know that it needs a name. I mean, 539 00:28:22,160 --> 00:28:24,240 Speaker 1: I don't know if I called my blog a hobby 540 00:28:24,480 --> 00:28:27,240 Speaker 1: or if I called it a side thing, I think 541 00:28:27,280 --> 00:28:30,160 Speaker 1: I just called it that I something that I did. 542 00:28:30,240 --> 00:28:31,720 Speaker 1: I mean, I guess it was kind of a hobby 543 00:28:31,720 --> 00:28:34,439 Speaker 1: in a way, but I guess I just I wouldn't 544 00:28:34,480 --> 00:28:37,480 Speaker 1: overthink this too much. If you truly enjoy doing something, 545 00:28:37,560 --> 00:28:39,760 Speaker 1: whether it's writing a book or some kind of artwork 546 00:28:39,880 --> 00:28:42,560 Speaker 1: or something, it'll evolve into what it's meant to be. 547 00:28:42,800 --> 00:28:46,200 Speaker 1: Especially like I think that if if it's not your 548 00:28:46,200 --> 00:28:48,200 Speaker 1: goal to make that one of your main income streams, 549 00:28:48,200 --> 00:28:50,560 Speaker 1: I wouldn't necessarily push it. You can push other things 550 00:28:51,080 --> 00:28:53,680 Speaker 1: to enhance your career if you want to. And it 551 00:28:53,680 --> 00:28:56,160 Speaker 1: sounds like you had to have a satisfying part time 552 00:28:56,600 --> 00:28:59,880 Speaker 1: work situation going on, but I wouldn't necessarily pressure yourself 553 00:29:00,040 --> 00:29:03,040 Speaker 1: because sometimes it can take the fun out. I haven't 554 00:29:03,080 --> 00:29:06,080 Speaker 1: really found that too much on my side, but I have, 555 00:29:06,320 --> 00:29:08,959 Speaker 1: you know, heard that in some cases that can remove 556 00:29:09,000 --> 00:29:11,840 Speaker 1: some of the joy out of doing it. And I 557 00:29:11,880 --> 00:29:14,120 Speaker 1: think that if it's going to head away, if that 558 00:29:14,200 --> 00:29:16,240 Speaker 1: occurs to you, like you know what, I really do 559 00:29:16,320 --> 00:29:18,959 Speaker 1: want to start selling these birdhouses that I'm making or 560 00:29:18,960 --> 00:29:21,720 Speaker 1: whatever it is, then you'll kind of know when that 561 00:29:21,760 --> 00:29:23,360 Speaker 1: time is right and when it's appropriate to do that. 562 00:29:23,360 --> 00:29:24,680 Speaker 1: Plus a lot of times you kind of have to 563 00:29:24,720 --> 00:29:30,240 Speaker 1: develop your craft to an extent before it's worth anything. Anyway, Yeah, yeah, 564 00:29:30,280 --> 00:29:33,400 Speaker 1: I would agree with that. I think sometimes people want 565 00:29:33,440 --> 00:29:37,640 Speaker 1: to have mental categories for things so they know that 566 00:29:37,640 --> 00:29:40,840 Speaker 1: they're not either over or underinvesting their time in that. 567 00:29:40,920 --> 00:29:43,560 Speaker 1: So if you track your time, which I always recommend 568 00:29:43,560 --> 00:29:47,240 Speaker 1: anyone try doing, you might see that you know, well, 569 00:29:47,280 --> 00:29:48,840 Speaker 1: these are the hours that my kids are in school, 570 00:29:48,920 --> 00:29:50,320 Speaker 1: these are the hours I work, So these are the 571 00:29:50,320 --> 00:29:53,120 Speaker 1: hours that are available. Here's my target for how much 572 00:29:53,760 --> 00:29:59,480 Speaker 1: I will do on my hobbies and side projects, side hustles, 573 00:29:59,520 --> 00:30:01,200 Speaker 1: like whatever you want to call it. I mean, it 574 00:30:01,480 --> 00:30:04,040 Speaker 1: could just be you know, passion projects. Give it some 575 00:30:04,200 --> 00:30:07,720 Speaker 1: name like that if you want to, but you've tried 576 00:30:07,720 --> 00:30:09,680 Speaker 1: different things, like it might not just be one thing 577 00:30:09,680 --> 00:30:11,560 Speaker 1: you want to do, but you know other things you 578 00:30:11,640 --> 00:30:14,920 Speaker 1: dabble around in this free time, adult playtime. I don't know, 579 00:30:15,360 --> 00:30:17,280 Speaker 1: you can call it, like I think with Sarah say 580 00:30:17,280 --> 00:30:19,280 Speaker 1: it doesn't need a category. But if if you want 581 00:30:19,320 --> 00:30:21,200 Speaker 1: a category, play around in your mind with like what 582 00:30:21,360 --> 00:30:24,000 Speaker 1: makes the most sense to you, and then you might say, Okay, 583 00:30:24,000 --> 00:30:27,160 Speaker 1: I want to do five hours a week in that category. 584 00:30:27,360 --> 00:30:31,000 Speaker 1: So you know, I'm aiming for one hour on each weekday, 585 00:30:31,480 --> 00:30:33,120 Speaker 1: you know, or maybe it's going to be more like 586 00:30:33,160 --> 00:30:35,720 Speaker 1: four because for one day gets taken away from you 587 00:30:35,800 --> 00:30:37,960 Speaker 1: for whatever reason. So I mean to aim for four 588 00:30:38,000 --> 00:30:42,800 Speaker 1: hours a week on these passion projects, side hustles, et cetera. 589 00:30:43,000 --> 00:30:45,280 Speaker 1: And then if one starts looking like it's really going 590 00:30:45,320 --> 00:30:48,040 Speaker 1: somewhere are you can start scaling it up, or you 591 00:30:48,080 --> 00:30:51,800 Speaker 1: can start focusing more intently on that because you'll start 592 00:30:51,800 --> 00:30:54,720 Speaker 1: getting feedback. If you do want to make something of this, 593 00:30:54,920 --> 00:30:56,800 Speaker 1: you need to get it out in front of people 594 00:30:56,840 --> 00:30:59,720 Speaker 1: who are your target market for things. So you know, 595 00:30:59,760 --> 00:31:02,560 Speaker 1: if you writing, you could obviously start a blog because 596 00:31:02,560 --> 00:31:04,480 Speaker 1: then people will start reading, you know, as you bring 597 00:31:04,560 --> 00:31:07,160 Speaker 1: people in and then you'll get feedback from them. But 598 00:31:07,280 --> 00:31:09,040 Speaker 1: you know, you could also try this with different places. 599 00:31:09,080 --> 00:31:12,120 Speaker 1: You write articles for local publications or something like that, 600 00:31:12,320 --> 00:31:15,400 Speaker 1: or if you are doing crafts, maybe exhibiting in various 601 00:31:15,400 --> 00:31:17,200 Speaker 1: craft faress or trying to sell them on at sea 602 00:31:17,280 --> 00:31:19,320 Speaker 1: or whatever. You get some sort of feedback then on 603 00:31:19,400 --> 00:31:22,400 Speaker 1: what the market likes, and then you can decide, well, 604 00:31:22,480 --> 00:31:24,400 Speaker 1: is that something I want to do more of? And 605 00:31:24,480 --> 00:31:26,440 Speaker 1: if so, then you can start thinking of it. More 606 00:31:26,520 --> 00:31:29,720 Speaker 1: as a business and go from there. But yeah, in 607 00:31:29,760 --> 00:31:32,040 Speaker 1: the beginning, sort of just give yourself a time target, 608 00:31:32,560 --> 00:31:35,360 Speaker 1: give yourself permission to try different things within that, and 609 00:31:35,400 --> 00:31:39,240 Speaker 1: then be open to feedback and what comes in Love it. Well, 610 00:31:39,240 --> 00:31:42,320 Speaker 1: this was a fun episode. I hope people enjoyed. Oh, 611 00:31:42,360 --> 00:31:43,760 Speaker 1: I guess we had into a level of week. We 612 00:31:43,840 --> 00:31:47,800 Speaker 1: have to do a love of the week, do well, 613 00:31:48,120 --> 00:31:55,680 Speaker 1: let's let's hope we have one, so if go ahead. Yeah, 614 00:31:55,960 --> 00:31:59,480 Speaker 1: I'm just trying to say something specific. I do like 615 00:31:59,800 --> 00:32:02,400 Speaker 1: fan family meals, and I know that family meals is 616 00:32:02,440 --> 00:32:06,840 Speaker 1: sort of a tough topic for many people because it's 617 00:32:07,080 --> 00:32:09,440 Speaker 1: that thing you're supposed to do, and if it doesn't 618 00:32:09,480 --> 00:32:11,680 Speaker 1: work for some reason in your family, it's like a 619 00:32:11,720 --> 00:32:14,360 Speaker 1: sign of I don't know, everyone's going to be delinquent 620 00:32:14,520 --> 00:32:17,160 Speaker 1: as a result, and that's just ridiculous because that's not 621 00:32:17,200 --> 00:32:20,240 Speaker 1: at all what the research shows. But you know, it 622 00:32:20,360 --> 00:32:22,600 Speaker 1: is kind of fun when we can all sit around 623 00:32:22,600 --> 00:32:24,720 Speaker 1: the table at the same time, and you know, I 624 00:32:24,760 --> 00:32:26,920 Speaker 1: even see little Henry sitting there in this highthchair kind 625 00:32:26,920 --> 00:32:30,040 Speaker 1: of leaning in being part of it, and it's fun 626 00:32:30,080 --> 00:32:34,040 Speaker 1: to have all of us sitting there talking about stuff. 627 00:32:34,480 --> 00:32:37,680 Speaker 1: It never lasts long because somebody's up from their chair immediately, 628 00:32:37,760 --> 00:32:40,720 Speaker 1: and you know, somebody's then screaming about something. But in 629 00:32:40,800 --> 00:32:45,920 Speaker 1: the seconds of contentment that happen, I enjoy that. I 630 00:32:45,960 --> 00:32:47,720 Speaker 1: will say, I just love that my kids are still 631 00:32:47,760 --> 00:32:50,120 Speaker 1: at the age where they want to do stuff with 632 00:32:50,200 --> 00:32:52,920 Speaker 1: my husband and I. I I hope that stays forever. Maybe 633 00:32:53,000 --> 00:32:55,440 Speaker 1: we'll be lucky, like Annabelle got the idea that she 634 00:32:55,560 --> 00:32:58,160 Speaker 1: was like, let's cook this whole kid's cookbook this summer, 635 00:32:58,200 --> 00:32:59,760 Speaker 1: and like I was, Oh, what a fun project we 636 00:32:59,800 --> 00:33:02,320 Speaker 1: can do together, where like Cameron went out skateboarding with 637 00:33:02,400 --> 00:33:04,520 Speaker 1: Josh and like, you know, love the idea of like 638 00:33:04,560 --> 00:33:07,520 Speaker 1: going with his dad. Don't get me started on forty 639 00:33:07,680 --> 00:33:11,840 Speaker 1: mid forties, mid to late forties person skate skateboarding. But 640 00:33:12,280 --> 00:33:15,760 Speaker 1: that's another episode. But they love it and they're so happy, 641 00:33:15,840 --> 00:33:18,600 Speaker 1: and yeah, just the fact that they still like that 642 00:33:18,680 --> 00:33:21,760 Speaker 1: and hopefully will for a while sounds good. All right, Well, 643 00:33:21,800 --> 00:33:24,360 Speaker 1: this has been best of both worlds. We've been talking 644 00:33:24,400 --> 00:33:27,320 Speaker 1: about kids, high and low moments of parenting, what we 645 00:33:27,480 --> 00:33:29,680 Speaker 1: like about each of our kids. We will be back 646 00:33:29,760 --> 00:33:32,760 Speaker 1: next week with more on making work and life fit together. 647 00:33:34,760 --> 00:33:37,560 Speaker 1: Thanks for listening. You can find me Sarah at the 648 00:33:37,560 --> 00:33:41,920 Speaker 1: shoebox dot com or at the Underscore Shoebox on Instagram, 649 00:33:42,400 --> 00:33:46,320 Speaker 1: and you can find me Laura at Laura vandercam dot com. 650 00:33:46,800 --> 00:33:50,000 Speaker 1: This has been the best of both worlds podcasts. Please 651 00:33:50,080 --> 00:33:52,640 Speaker 1: join us next time for more on making work and 652 00:33:52,760 --> 00:33:53,880 Speaker 1: life work together.