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Speaker 1: Yo. I am so excited that we're speaking at Podcast

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Speaker 1: Movement for the third time, but this time it's Podcast

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Speaker 1: Evolutions in our city, Las Angeles.

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Speaker 2: And not only are we speaking at the conference, but

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Speaker 2: we are teaming up with Spreaker, our podcasting network, to

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Speaker 2: put on a very special mixer for female podcasters.

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Speaker 3: The podcast industry is.

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Speaker 2: So male dominated and we wanted to do something a

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Speaker 2: little bit special for the female podcasters.

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Speaker 1: That's right. The goal of our mixer is to empower

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Speaker 1: and connect you with other inspiring women in podcasting. So

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Speaker 1: whether you are starting a podcast, whether you already have

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Speaker 1: a podcast, this is the perfect place to mingle and

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Speaker 1: meet people in your industry. We're going to have drinks

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Speaker 1: and we're gonna be kicking it answering all your questions.

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Speaker 1: This is the time to get all that free info, girl,

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Speaker 1: So make sure you click the link in our bio

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Speaker 1: to our SVP for the event our March twenty third.

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Speaker 1: That's March twenty third, Downtown, LA. We'll see soon. If

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Speaker 1: you're a newly single mom, maybe you're divorce struggling, trying

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Speaker 1: to figure out what you want to do with your life.

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Speaker 1: This book by Christine Michelle Carter has changed my life.

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Speaker 1: It's called MOMAF and Christine really dives in and shares

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Speaker 1: her story about starting over, rebuilding her life, and choosing

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Speaker 1: herself despite the odds being against her.

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Speaker 2: MOMAF is real, raw, hilarious, and it's relatable. And you know,

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Speaker 2: at Good Moms we love a real transparent story. Christine

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Speaker 2: Michelle Carter is not only transparent, but she's inspiring in

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Speaker 2: this book. I've read it over and over again. I

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Speaker 2: love it and I suggest you read it too. It's

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Speaker 2: for moms who are going through divorce, it's for moms

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Speaker 2: who are struggling. It's for moms just need a good read.

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Speaker 2: This is a great read and we highly recommend it.

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Speaker 1: So make sure you check out mom AF today by

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Speaker 1: visiting Christinemichelle Carter dot com backslash mom dash AF. I'm

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Speaker 1: going to leave everything here in the episode description. Make

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Speaker 1: sure you check out MOMY.

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Speaker 3: Welcome back to Good Mom's Bad Choices.

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Speaker 1: I'm Erica and I'm Nila and Happy.

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Speaker 3: Wednesday, Happy hump Day, my love. How are you?

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Speaker 1: I'm great? How are you?

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Speaker 2: I'm good as tired, but I'm happy and you know,

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Speaker 2: podcasting brings me joy.

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Speaker 1: I just realized that the music is on. Sorry, I'm

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Speaker 1: gonna turn it.

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Speaker 3: Off with smooth jazz. Yeah, I feel like it's such

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Speaker 3: a fucking adult. I'm like, I'm not.

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Speaker 1: It's not smooth jazz. It's low fi cafe.

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Speaker 3: It's smooth jazz.

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Speaker 4: It's smooth jazz for our generation.

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Speaker 2: It's low Every time I'm in my house cleaning, I'm like,

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Speaker 2: oh my god, I'm such an adult listening to smooth jazz.

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Speaker 1: It does feel very mature, doesn't it. I've got it. Actually,

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Speaker 1: you know, this week, I am feeling very mature, feeling

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Speaker 1: very like adult.

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Speaker 3: Like like we have Is that what we were in

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Speaker 3: those glasses?

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Speaker 4: Yes?

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Speaker 1: See, like like these classes, this is my adult. Look.

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Speaker 1: We had a call with our bookkeeper.

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Speaker 2: We have a bookkeeper, my accountant, So I have to

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Speaker 2: call you back of a called maccnton.

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Speaker 1: We filed our taxes on time.

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Speaker 3: Someone filed them for us. That's the only reason they're

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Speaker 3: on time, for.

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Speaker 1: Someone who went through all of our finances and told

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Speaker 1: us that we're doing good. We're bitch, we're doing a

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Speaker 1: good job.

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Speaker 3: Bitch, we're doing a good job.

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Speaker 2: This is the most adult I've felt in my whole

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Speaker 2: thirty three years of existence. I've been like having to

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Speaker 2: pinch myself and tell myself, you're an adult. You're doing it,

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Speaker 2: You're doing a good job. Your mom. I'm like, every

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Speaker 2: time I forget, I'm like, I can't believe it. I

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Speaker 2: was just a teenager yesterday.

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Speaker 1: I know me too. So yeah, I'm feeling I'm stepping

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Speaker 1: into my adult bag this week. We're going to New

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Speaker 1: York this week. I'm bringing my kid and I'm going

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Speaker 1: to do it mature mom things and business things. I'm

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Speaker 1: bringing my kid on the work trip.

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Speaker 3: We're going to meetings.

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Speaker 2: Erica today was like, I wish we just had more

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Speaker 2: meetings to go to. I'm like, who are we meeting?

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Speaker 2: You're like, I don't know, like meetings at New York.

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Speaker 3: I was like, we'll make them happen, make them meeting.

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Speaker 2: No wonder, you're feeling adult like, that's why, because you

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Speaker 2: want to have meetings.

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Speaker 3: We're gonna get those meetings. But right now, I'm gonna

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Speaker 3: the last thing we do with those glasses. We're like,

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Speaker 3: gu's why we got a meeting. Can't wait? She's like, yeah,

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Speaker 3: maybe MTV. This is literally what she said. I'm like,

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Speaker 3: do you know some what over there? No?

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Speaker 1: Nope, nope, I'm just gonna put it out there.

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Speaker 3: MTV were coming for our meetings.

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Speaker 1: I don't know what for what, but we're gonna be there.

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Speaker 4: You know.

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Speaker 1: I think I've been watching Kanye West's documentary and it's

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Speaker 1: been throwing me back to like EMPTYV two thousands, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: because he was like breaking news Empty Remember Breaking News MTV?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, TRL or whatever.

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Speaker 1: It just like had like the like those like lights

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Speaker 1: and it was like the solar system and then it's

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Speaker 1: like being behind the person and it's like Kanye West

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Speaker 1: producer just got in a car accident. I was like,

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Speaker 1: oh my god, I remember that.

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Speaker 3: Wow, my god. I didn't watch it just for that,

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Speaker 3: just for the fucking just throwback.

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Speaker 1: It's a throwback. It makes me feel old. Actually, I'm like,

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Speaker 1: WHOA was this that long ago? It doesn't feel like it,

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Speaker 1: but it was the wire.

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Speaker 2: It was a while ago when he was like normal

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Speaker 2: and cool and made regular music and it wasn't fucking stressful.

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Speaker 3: I love him, I do love him.

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Speaker 2: I just prefer his music from before before Black Skinhead,

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Speaker 2: when I was like.

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Speaker 1: I still like his music. I don't like his opinions

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Speaker 1: all the time, but I still like his music.

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Speaker 3: I like some of it.

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Speaker 1: I think he's just ridiculous, but I love him.

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Speaker 2: My baby daddy has made me like grow did not

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Speaker 2: like Kanye because he just loves him so much. It

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Speaker 2: was overkill for so many years of my life that

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Speaker 2: it's not you, Kanye, it's my baby daddy.

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Speaker 1: So it did make me sad for him though, because

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Speaker 1: he was he was He was so like, he really

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Speaker 1: needs his mom. We all need our mom now, he

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Speaker 1: specifically really needs Donda.

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Speaker 3: You called me, You text me that.

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Speaker 2: I was like, what the fuck are you talking about?

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Speaker 2: Erica text me out of nowhere? Kanye needs Donda.

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Speaker 3: I was like, who, what the fuck are you talking about?

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Speaker 1: He does? Watch it.

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Speaker 3: I'm telling you.

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Speaker 1: If you've watched it, you know what the fuck I'm

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Speaker 1: talking about.

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Speaker 3: I'm gonna watch it.

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Speaker 2: I you know what.

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Speaker 3: I was just thinking.

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Speaker 2: Someone was like, yeah, his friend was just like following

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Speaker 2: him with a camera for ever, and I was like,

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Speaker 2: our vlog is going to make it the are you

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Speaker 2: Hollywood East?

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Speaker 1: One day someone will see these blogs. One day someone's

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Speaker 1: gonna see all these videos on my phone.

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Speaker 3: I swear to god, Conye did it. We could do

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Speaker 3: it too. These videos are going to get publicated one day.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, But anyway, Hello, Hi, Hi, we have a special guest.

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Speaker 1: You guys, if you might have heard her giggling in

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Speaker 1: the background, was.

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Speaker 3: I not supposed to get No?

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Speaker 1: No, no, no, it's fine.

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Speaker 3: Let us rant for that long about nothing.

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Speaker 1: We have special guests. We have Ebon Whitney here, a

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Speaker 1: sexuality duless sex educator author. I've been like following you

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Speaker 1: for a very long time. Oh yeah, so strange, kind

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Speaker 1: of creepy, right, that's cool. So I know you.

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Speaker 3: You don't know what I know you, but I do.

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Speaker 1: I've been like watching your whole journey.

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Speaker 4: Wait, how long have you been following me? Do you know?

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Speaker 1: Probably like six years?

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Speaker 4: Oh dangs, you've been through the journey.

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Speaker 3: Oh g she did put me on. She said, you

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Speaker 3: know this woman. I was like, no, but I like it.

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Speaker 3: I'm going to stay here.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. Maybe it wasn't like sick. Maybe it was like

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Speaker 1: right around we started our podcast. Oh yeah, okay, yeah,

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Speaker 1: you were doing like some workshops downtown or something.

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Speaker 2: Oh yeah, we tried to link up with you. It

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Speaker 2: was like a vagina workshop. I was like, I want

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Speaker 2: to go to that vagina.

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Speaker 1: Workshold out because you're booked and busy.

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Speaker 2: And oh yeah, and I was like, are they actually

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Speaker 2: talking to the vaginas in a circle with each other?

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Speaker 2: I had a lot of questions. Now it's all coming back.

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Speaker 2: Were the women pantyleists?

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Speaker 3: I need to know? I need I wanted to go

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Speaker 3: just to see what was going on over there? Were they?

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Speaker 1: No?

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Speaker 3: Okay, yeah I figured that.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, but just get weird when everyone's pussy is out.

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Speaker 4: I mean, I would love to do a workshop like

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Speaker 4: that sometime.

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Speaker 1: I'm sure those workshops exist.

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Speaker 3: I'll come, I volunteer. Yeah, I'll definitely come.

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Speaker 4: To Okay, good to know, sign out.

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Speaker 1: Well, thank you for joining us.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, thanks for having me.

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Speaker 1: So this month's theme is mindfulness, and I feel like,

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Speaker 1: I mean, before we get into it, I just want

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Speaker 1: to say, with the famous it's mindfulness. Hello, Hi guys,

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Speaker 1: you guys been listening. You know, it's mindfulness. I feel

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Speaker 1: like you're a perfect guest for this because you talk

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Speaker 1: so much about you know, your sensuality, and like in

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Speaker 1: your journey, I've watched you really choose yourself a lot,

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Speaker 1: and I think that that's so powerful and such a

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Speaker 1: journey and difficult for women oftentimes. But before we get

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Speaker 1: into that.

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Speaker 2: I have a lot of questions. I'm so inqusitive, like

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Speaker 2: I've been waiting for you to get here for a

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Speaker 2: long time.

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Speaker 3: Hey, well I'm happier here.

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Speaker 4: I'm excited to bring on the questions.

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Speaker 3: Well, I first, do you want to start with? Do

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Speaker 3: you have an affirmation for our guests today?

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Speaker 4: Yeah, audience, I mean the first the first thing that

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Speaker 4: popped into my mind is I am at peace with

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Speaker 4: my sexuality.

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Speaker 3: I am at peace with my sexuality.

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Speaker 1: I like that.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, That's something that I've said to myself throughout my journey,

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Speaker 4: so I want to offer it to other people.

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Speaker 2: Do you feel like you've that's changed a lot throughout

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Speaker 2: this period, Like you've gone from this to this, Like

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Speaker 2: your sexuality journey I'm sure has evolved as you've evolved.

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Speaker 2: We've been doing some reading and research on you. But

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Speaker 2: can you tell our listeners how you started in this

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Speaker 2: space and like what this journey has and how you've

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Speaker 2: come about, because I don't think women have really given

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Speaker 2: themselves the opportunity to explore the sensuality and sexuality and

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Speaker 2: you really have, So like, how did this speakin?

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Speaker 4: Yeah? I got started as a sex educator from a

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Speaker 4: place of just like wanting to figure my sexuality out,

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Speaker 4: like I wasn't thinking to myself, I'm going to be

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Speaker 4: a sex educator. It was more like, why am I

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Speaker 4: not having amazing sex? Why does sex still trigger me?

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Speaker 4: And why do I still have sexual shame even though

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Speaker 4: I'm in a loving relationship and there's really no reason

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Speaker 4: for me to be experiencing those things. And at the time,

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Speaker 4: this was like eleven years ago, there wasn't really a

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Speaker 4: lot of information out there that really resonated with me.

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Speaker 4: It was more like, if you have sexual shame, just

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Speaker 4: fuck some more, and like that'll teach your body to

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Speaker 4: not have sexual shame anymore by doing the opposite. And

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Speaker 4: maybe for some people that works. It did not work

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Speaker 4: for me, and I felt really frustrated that there weren't

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Speaker 4: different approaches of like really down to the bottom of

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Speaker 4: where that sexual shame comes from, what that sexual trauma

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Speaker 4: could be, how to heal from that. And so I

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Speaker 4: started just like working on myself and figuring it out,

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Speaker 4: like carving out my own path to sexual healing, and

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Speaker 4: I was doing it very publicly. I had a blog

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Speaker 4: at the time where I was talking very publicly about

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Speaker 4: all the things that I was trying and struggling with

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Speaker 4: and just being very honest about my journey, and people

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Speaker 4: took notice they were reading and were like, holy shit,

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Speaker 4: you are speaking my story, which I didn't think. So

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Speaker 4: I thought I was literally the only one that was

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Speaker 4: having these sexual issues. And yeah, from there, just one

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Speaker 4: thing that I say about this work is that I

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Speaker 4: feel like it chose me, that I didn't choose it

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Speaker 4: because I was just doing my thing, trying to figure

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Speaker 4: my shit out. And I think other people found such

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Speaker 4: a resonance with my story and really trusted that I

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Speaker 4: could guide them into their own sexual liberation journeys because

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Speaker 4: they were watching me do the very same alongside them.

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Speaker 4: So yeah, I've been doing this work in so many

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Speaker 4: ways since twenty eleven.

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Speaker 3: So yeah, it's beautiful.

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Speaker 2: I think I think a lot of women don't even recognize,

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Speaker 2: Like did you come is your family religious? Did you

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Speaker 2: grow up in like a religious background?

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Speaker 4: Yes, so I grew up in purity culture. I couldn't

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Speaker 4: really tell you this sort of denomination of Christianity we were.

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Speaker 4: I would say, like it's a mix of like Evangelical,

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Speaker 4: Baptist and Protestant. But I signed a purity contract when

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Speaker 4: I was eight, so like that kind of gives you, yes,

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Speaker 4: But it's.

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Speaker 1: A purity contract for where I don't know. Okay, So

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Speaker 1: a purity contract I'm them.

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Speaker 3: Okay.

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Speaker 4: So I wonder if people still do these, because back

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Speaker 4: in the day they were all the rage. But a

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Speaker 4: purity contract is a contract that you sign in your

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Speaker 4: church that basically says you will not have sex until

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Speaker 4: you are married, and your parents co sign it, your

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Speaker 4: pastor you know, youth teacher whatever signs it, and yeah,

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Speaker 4: that's what appears at eight.

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Speaker 1: Do they even explain what sex is before that?

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Speaker 3: No, it was like you're going to be pure and

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Speaker 3: then yeah.

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Speaker 4: I mean I think at the time I had sort

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Speaker 4: of a faint idea of what sex was, but not really.

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Speaker 4: I was like, Okay, everyone else is doing this, and

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Speaker 4: apparently this is what I need to do in order

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Speaker 4: for Jesus to love me and my parents to love me,

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Speaker 4: so I'll do it.

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Speaker 1: So that's so interesting. Our daughters are seven and like

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Speaker 1: eight is approaching anytime, like very soon, and to think

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Speaker 1: about like our daughters at this age signing a contract.

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Speaker 3: About their bodies, it's about their sexual.

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Speaker 4: It's weird, right, It's really weird.

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Speaker 3: It makes me wonder who thought of this concept.

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Speaker 4: Probably a man.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, absolutely.

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Speaker 3: Why are you even thinking of that?

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Speaker 4: Yeah, probably a man.

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Speaker 3: And who birth is? And then who was like that's

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Speaker 3: a great idea.

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Speaker 4: Yeah. Yeah. So by the way, that contract did not stick.

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Speaker 4: I had sex for the first time when I was fifteen.

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Speaker 4: But the roots of that, like the oppression of that has,

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Speaker 4: you know, stuck with me because how could it not,

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Speaker 4: you know.

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Speaker 3: When you finally did have sex, not finally when you

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Speaker 3: had sex.

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Speaker 4: I mean finally is fine?

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Speaker 2: Sure when you did have sex, did you feel guilt

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Speaker 2: because of the contract that you had signed?

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Speaker 1: Oh?

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Speaker 2: Fuck?

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean so this is it's such a complicated story.

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Speaker 4: The first time that I had sex was actually the

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Speaker 4: first time that I had sex with someone who I

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Speaker 4: now know to be an abuser for me. So on

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Speaker 4: the one hand, there was a lot of choice because

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Speaker 4: I was like, I am fifteen, I am grown. I

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Speaker 4: know my shit, this is what I want to do.

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Speaker 4: We're going to get married someday. Like it was kind

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Speaker 4: of along those lines. But then there was this other

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Speaker 4: aspect of me of like I think there was some

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Speaker 4: coercion involved. And I also because I didn't receive comprehensive

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Speaker 4: sex education, it was more like abstinence only. Do not

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Speaker 4: have sex. I didn't understand or wasn't taught about what

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Speaker 4: a healthy sexual relationship looks like. So for me, hearing

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Speaker 4: all these messages, you know, in my church and for

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Speaker 4: my parents about sex's love, sex is love, sex is

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Speaker 4: for marriage, I thought that if you are in love

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Speaker 4: with someone, you have sex with them and that's it.

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Speaker 4: Like there wasn't anything in there about consent or bodily

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Speaker 4: autonomy or the pleasure of sex. It was just like

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Speaker 4: sex is love, sex is for marriage, et cetera. So

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Speaker 4: when I had sex, I thought I was coming from

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Speaker 4: it from an informed place, but looking back now, I

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Speaker 4: had no idea what the fuck I was doing. And

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Speaker 4: that relationship was both liberating in the sense that I

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Speaker 4: chose sort of to have sex, but also it was

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Speaker 4: a violation because the power dynamic within that relationship was

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Speaker 4: just not healthy. So it's it's very complicated, I mean,

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Speaker 4: and I think it's that's a very important topic to

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Speaker 4: touch on. Like as we're talking about kids and adolescents

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Speaker 4: and sex and choice, I think that there isn't enough

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Speaker 4: emphasis on for young women, Like I think we have

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Speaker 4: this very rigid idea of like rape, you know, and

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Speaker 4: even for us, it feels like if you use that word,

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Speaker 4: it better be violent, it better be a stranger jumping

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Speaker 4: out and.

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Speaker 3: You and you better not use it lightly.

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Speaker 2: And the reality of the matter is is like we've

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Speaker 2: like we're women, first of all, we've been violated and

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Speaker 2: like a lot even like hearing you discuss this is

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Speaker 2: me thinking of my childhood and my sexuality and like

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Speaker 2: just fucking because that's what people were doing and like

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Speaker 2: I thought you were supposed to do and I wanted to,

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Speaker 2: but like the coheresion, like the coherent coheresion coercion that

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Speaker 2: takes place and you're not even acknowledging it as such,

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Speaker 2: is such like so much to dig yourself out of

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Speaker 2: an adulthood. I've been violated so many times in my

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Speaker 2: life and just massage to do things I didn't want

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Speaker 2: to do, and it's very rapey and like I was

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Speaker 2: for a long time. I would never say those words

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Speaker 2: because it's felt too intense, you know, like I wouldn't

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Speaker 2: put that on that person because then they're a rapists.

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Speaker 2: But like, yeah, we need to call a spade a spade,

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Speaker 2: and like those are the conversations we should be having

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Speaker 2: with our kids.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, because that shit is real yeah, I really resonate

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Speaker 4: with that. It wasn't until I was I think I

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Speaker 4: was nineteen eighteen or nineteen when, funnily enough, I was

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Speaker 4: talking to a guy that I was seeing at the time,

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Speaker 4: and I was talking to him about my previous relationship

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Speaker 4: that was just abusive, but I didn't think so. I

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Speaker 4: was just like, that's what everyone does. And I was

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Speaker 4: talking to him a little bit about some of the

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Speaker 4: things that I was experiencing, and he was actually the

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Speaker 4: one that was like, uh, what you just described as rape?

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Speaker 4: And I was like, no, it wasn't because I said yes,

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Speaker 4: and he's like, no, that sounds like rape. And that

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Speaker 4: sent me spiraling because I was like, oh shit. This

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Speaker 4: whole time, I thought that this was a loving relationship.

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Speaker 4: We were together for three years. I thought that he

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Speaker 4: loved me and I loved him. What the fuck does

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Speaker 4: that mean? But yeah, I agree with you. I think

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Speaker 4: we need to expand our understandings of what sexual trauma

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Speaker 4: and sexual violation can look like, because I think a

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Speaker 4: lot of folks are walking around traumatized within their sexualities

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Speaker 4: and they don't even know it because they've been like, oh, no,

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Speaker 4: that was normal sexual behavior. But it's like no, that

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Speaker 4: that person was actually violating your boundaries and your autonomy,

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Speaker 4: you know.

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Speaker 2: And I think it like when that happens and women,

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Speaker 2: first of all, like even if you don't grow up

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Speaker 2: in a very religious background or you didn't have to

393
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Speaker 2: sign a purity contract, there's still like a lot of

394
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Speaker 2: confusion about our bodies and what we're supposed to do

395
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Speaker 2: or what's acceptable, and like there's a lot of mixed

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Speaker 2: messaging for young girls, and like it's confusing. You don't

397
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Speaker 2: and it's hard to weed out your own thoughts about

398
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Speaker 2: things versus what your friends are telling you in high

399
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Speaker 2: school and shit, what you think you're supposed to do.

400
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Speaker 2: You think you're in love, you think you're gonna get

401
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Speaker 2: married to this person you're not going to see after

402
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Speaker 2: fucking twelfth grade.

403
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Speaker 1: But like, well especially now, I think even too with

404
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Speaker 1: like social media, Like it's just so everything is so

405
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Speaker 1: hyper sexualized too, that you get so confused about what

406
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Speaker 1: you're where you're supposed to be at at your age,

407
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Speaker 1: you know, and there is so much shame. I mean

408
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Speaker 1: even thinking about I always think about like my period,

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Speaker 1: Like when I first started my period and how they're

410
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Speaker 1: really it was just like now you can get pregnant,

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Speaker 1: and I was like, what the fuck, Like we haven't

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Speaker 1: even talked about sex yet, which you mean like I

413
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Speaker 1: can get pregnant, like you know, and I'm curious to know,

414
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Speaker 1: Like after So, how now that you're in this space,

415
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Speaker 1: your relationship with your parents so like do they accept

416
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Speaker 1: like what you do? Do they understand what you do?

417
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Speaker 1: Have you had these conversations about your past with them?

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Speaker 1: Now I have?

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Speaker 4: So I don't really have a relationship with my dad.

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Speaker 4: That is by choice my mom and what I will

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Speaker 4: say about my dad before I get into the relationship

422
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Speaker 4: with my mom. My mom at first was very much

423
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Speaker 4: against what I was doing. Both my parents actually were

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Speaker 4: are they still married? No, okay, my parents separated and

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Speaker 4: divorced like fifteen years ago. And yeah, so my dad

426
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Speaker 4: he believes that what I am doing is absolute like sinful,

427
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Speaker 4: like I am leading people astray down into the pits

428
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Speaker 4: of hell. Like that's how he views the work that

429
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Speaker 4: I do, which is really unfortunate because you know that's

430
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Speaker 4: I mean, I don't know. I was about to say,

431
00:19:16,560 --> 00:19:17,879
Speaker 4: that's not what I'm doing, but it's like, well, if

432
00:19:17,920 --> 00:19:19,600
Speaker 4: I am leading people to hell, like join the party.

433
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Speaker 4: My mom on the other hand, my mom was very

434
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Speaker 4: much along those lines. She was like, I don't like this.

435
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Speaker 4: Both of my parents are very Christian. My mom is

436
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Speaker 4: married to a pastor right now, so she was just like,

437
00:19:33,000 --> 00:19:35,240
Speaker 4: you know, the sex is not something you talk about.

438
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Speaker 4: It's something that's private and Funnily enough, the more that

439
00:19:41,040 --> 00:19:44,280
Speaker 4: I've gotten into this work, I actually interviewed her on

440
00:19:44,320 --> 00:19:47,879
Speaker 4: my podcast a few years ago, and that was really interesting.

441
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Speaker 4: I wanted to interview her because I was really interested

442
00:19:51,119 --> 00:19:54,040
Speaker 4: to know what she grew up thinking sex was like,

443
00:19:54,640 --> 00:19:58,080
Speaker 4: what her parents taught her, what her sexual relationship was

444
00:19:58,160 --> 00:20:00,600
Speaker 4: like when she met my dad and she as a teenager,

445
00:20:00,640 --> 00:20:03,080
Speaker 4: and all those things, and so this conversation was meant

446
00:20:03,119 --> 00:20:05,800
Speaker 4: to just be very like chill and light and it

447
00:20:05,840 --> 00:20:07,919
Speaker 4: was funny. And it was chill, light and funny. But

448
00:20:08,000 --> 00:20:10,560
Speaker 4: she dropped some gems in that episode, and I mean,

449
00:20:10,600 --> 00:20:13,320
Speaker 4: I'm happy to share them here because it's public, but like,

450
00:20:13,359 --> 00:20:18,680
Speaker 4: basically she eluded, insinuated that her first time of having

451
00:20:18,720 --> 00:20:23,600
Speaker 4: sex was a rape, and I didn't know that. Another

452
00:20:23,680 --> 00:20:28,000
Speaker 4: thing that she told me, which was when I first

453
00:20:28,040 --> 00:20:32,359
Speaker 4: had sex, I was fucking really really negligently because like,

454
00:20:32,400 --> 00:20:34,640
Speaker 4: no one told me. It's important to use a condom.

455
00:20:34,680 --> 00:20:36,600
Speaker 4: I had a pregnancy scare when I was like sixteen,

456
00:20:37,080 --> 00:20:39,560
Speaker 4: and I told my mom because I was freaking out.

457
00:20:39,640 --> 00:20:41,280
Speaker 4: I was late for like I think two and a

458
00:20:41,320 --> 00:20:43,840
Speaker 4: half weeks. I was like, please don't tell my dad,

459
00:20:43,880 --> 00:20:45,680
Speaker 4: Please don't tell my dad, like I promise I'll never

460
00:20:45,720 --> 00:20:48,920
Speaker 4: have sex again. And somehow she did she told my dad.

461
00:20:49,040 --> 00:20:51,560
Speaker 4: My dad was so furious with me. He didn't speak

462
00:20:51,600 --> 00:20:53,800
Speaker 4: to me for two weeks because I think he felt

463
00:20:53,800 --> 00:20:58,919
Speaker 4: that I was just a dirty, impure human being. And

464
00:20:58,960 --> 00:21:00,600
Speaker 4: I remember one of the things he said to me

465
00:21:00,840 --> 00:21:03,719
Speaker 4: was like, I can't believe you didn't wait. Your mother waited,

466
00:21:04,440 --> 00:21:07,199
Speaker 4: And that always stuck with me. That was sort of

467
00:21:07,240 --> 00:21:09,080
Speaker 4: like the lore in our family, like your mother was

468
00:21:09,119 --> 00:21:11,119
Speaker 4: a virgin, I was not. My father was not. Like

469
00:21:11,160 --> 00:21:13,439
Speaker 4: he had a rolodex of all the women that he

470
00:21:13,480 --> 00:21:15,719
Speaker 4: had had slept with, Like seriously, we saw it, like

471
00:21:15,840 --> 00:21:17,399
Speaker 4: he showed us photos and everything.

472
00:21:17,440 --> 00:21:18,440
Speaker 3: It was like, it was weird.

473
00:21:18,520 --> 00:21:20,880
Speaker 1: How how does he justify?

474
00:21:21,200 --> 00:21:22,639
Speaker 3: How does it just if I was saying that to you?

475
00:21:22,720 --> 00:21:24,920
Speaker 3: And also also, these are my women before your mother.

476
00:21:25,160 --> 00:21:28,760
Speaker 4: I don't know the cognitive dissonance of it all. So

477
00:21:28,880 --> 00:21:30,840
Speaker 4: that was sort of the story, like your mother, like,

478
00:21:30,920 --> 00:21:32,840
Speaker 4: I was such a bad boy, but your mom she

479
00:21:32,920 --> 00:21:35,520
Speaker 4: was so pure and she was so sweet, and she

480
00:21:35,640 --> 00:21:38,080
Speaker 4: waited until we were married. So when we're having this

481
00:21:38,119 --> 00:21:40,879
Speaker 4: conversation on my podcast, she basically dropped and said that no,

482
00:21:41,040 --> 00:21:44,480
Speaker 4: she wasn't a virgin when she got married and that, like,

483
00:21:45,800 --> 00:21:47,760
Speaker 4: I mean, you could even hear it in the episode.

484
00:21:47,840 --> 00:21:50,920
Speaker 3: I was like, wait, what you've been just going wrong

485
00:21:50,960 --> 00:21:51,359
Speaker 3: with this life?

486
00:21:51,440 --> 00:21:54,800
Speaker 4: Yeah, y'all been shaming me for having sex when you

487
00:21:54,840 --> 00:21:57,800
Speaker 4: did the very same thing. The fuck. I was so mad,

488
00:21:57,960 --> 00:22:00,879
Speaker 4: But also I just felt really ho that my mom

489
00:22:00,920 --> 00:22:04,280
Speaker 4: would feel comfortable to share that with me, even though

490
00:22:04,320 --> 00:22:06,280
Speaker 4: it took a long time and like I had a

491
00:22:06,320 --> 00:22:10,320
Speaker 4: lot of trauma around that, I was really happy that

492
00:22:10,359 --> 00:22:12,919
Speaker 4: she told me that story. And since then she was like,

493
00:22:13,040 --> 00:22:14,760
Speaker 4: when am I gonna come on your podcast? I want

494
00:22:14,760 --> 00:22:15,760
Speaker 4: to talk about sex more.

495
00:22:17,280 --> 00:22:18,639
Speaker 1: Yeah. So she's actually been.

496
00:22:18,520 --> 00:22:21,000
Speaker 4: On I think two more times or one more time.

497
00:22:21,040 --> 00:22:23,160
Speaker 4: After that, we played like a twenty one questions where

498
00:22:23,160 --> 00:22:25,000
Speaker 4: I asked like all these goofy questions like what was

499
00:22:25,040 --> 00:22:27,639
Speaker 4: the funniest time that you had sex or whatever. So

500
00:22:27,680 --> 00:22:29,760
Speaker 4: my mom is she's come around a lot. I think

501
00:22:29,760 --> 00:22:33,920
Speaker 4: she really realizes that the work that I do isn't gratuitous.

502
00:22:34,280 --> 00:22:36,040
Speaker 4: I think in the beginning she thought that I was

503
00:22:36,160 --> 00:22:38,919
Speaker 4: just sharing about my sex life as a way to

504
00:22:39,440 --> 00:22:39,960
Speaker 4: share about my.

505
00:22:39,960 --> 00:22:40,760
Speaker 1: Sex life attention.

506
00:22:41,080 --> 00:22:43,600
Speaker 4: Yeah, and so now she sees and I think, because

507
00:22:43,680 --> 00:22:45,960
Speaker 4: like I have a podcast and I'm an author now

508
00:22:46,000 --> 00:22:47,640
Speaker 4: and like I've been doing this for a long time,

509
00:22:47,680 --> 00:22:50,720
Speaker 4: I'm speaking in colleges. I think the respectability of it all.

510
00:22:50,800 --> 00:22:53,360
Speaker 4: She's like, oh, Okay, what you're doing is good. It's

511
00:22:53,400 --> 00:22:55,800
Speaker 4: not just pornographic, which for her, I think that's what

512
00:22:55,880 --> 00:22:59,640
Speaker 4: she thought. I'm so yeah, but yeah, my parents took

513
00:22:59,640 --> 00:23:01,880
Speaker 4: a long time. My dad is still very much like

514
00:23:02,240 --> 00:23:04,720
Speaker 4: when I google you, it's very disappointing.

515
00:23:04,160 --> 00:23:05,719
Speaker 3: And I'm like, why are you googling me?

516
00:23:05,800 --> 00:23:08,920
Speaker 4: But like the things that come up around me when

517
00:23:08,960 --> 00:23:11,080
Speaker 4: you like it's it's good stuff, it's not. And even

518
00:23:11,160 --> 00:23:14,439
Speaker 4: if it wasn't, who cares, right, So you're still right?

519
00:23:14,640 --> 00:23:15,040
Speaker 3: Yeah.

520
00:23:15,119 --> 00:23:18,360
Speaker 1: So anyway, Yeah, as a mom, I think that's it's

521
00:23:18,359 --> 00:23:20,520
Speaker 1: really beautiful to see that that she's been able to

522
00:23:20,600 --> 00:23:23,000
Speaker 1: kind of give you that. I mean, it sounds like

523
00:23:23,160 --> 00:23:27,280
Speaker 1: over time she'll be more and more open and that

524
00:23:27,359 --> 00:23:29,480
Speaker 1: she really does want to have those conversations with you

525
00:23:29,560 --> 00:23:31,200
Speaker 1: and then maybe she was. I mean, I don't know

526
00:23:31,200 --> 00:23:32,560
Speaker 1: your daddy, and I don't want to judge them, but

527
00:23:32,600 --> 00:23:34,760
Speaker 1: like sounds like maybe she was a little held captive.

528
00:23:36,000 --> 00:23:38,360
Speaker 4: Yeah no, and that's that's a fair that's a fair

529
00:23:38,400 --> 00:23:38,840
Speaker 4: thing to say.

530
00:23:39,000 --> 00:23:41,080
Speaker 1: I'm just saying like she was held captive to this

531
00:23:41,160 --> 00:23:44,119
Speaker 1: idea that she had to portray this image that he

532
00:23:44,359 --> 00:23:47,440
Speaker 1: bestowed upon her, essentially that you were this good girl,

533
00:23:47,520 --> 00:23:49,040
Speaker 1: and you were this, and you were that, and you

534
00:23:49,080 --> 00:23:51,600
Speaker 1: were a virgin, and she was just like, okay.

535
00:23:51,440 --> 00:23:53,600
Speaker 4: Right, that's what. Yeah, my mom was raised in like

536
00:23:53,640 --> 00:23:57,440
Speaker 4: a Kojak church, so like they were Kojak Church of

537
00:23:57,680 --> 00:24:00,520
Speaker 4: God in Christ, I think is what it's basic. It's like,

538
00:24:01,440 --> 00:24:03,639
Speaker 4: And people are going to like bash me for this

539
00:24:03,680 --> 00:24:06,000
Speaker 4: because I don't one hundred percent know. I just know

540
00:24:06,119 --> 00:24:09,320
Speaker 4: that it's like something that's really popular amongst black folks

541
00:24:09,320 --> 00:24:13,760
Speaker 4: in the black community. It's a very strict baptist Ish

542
00:24:13,920 --> 00:24:17,679
Speaker 4: type of denomination. Like she wasn't allowed to dance, like

543
00:24:17,920 --> 00:24:22,159
Speaker 4: why yeah, Like she wasn't allowed to wear dresses that

544
00:24:22,200 --> 00:24:25,560
Speaker 4: were like above the knee. So she she was raised

545
00:24:25,560 --> 00:24:28,360
Speaker 4: in a very very strict home. And I think that

546
00:24:28,520 --> 00:24:32,360
Speaker 4: is why I kind of got those teachings, even though

547
00:24:32,480 --> 00:24:35,119
Speaker 4: I don't feel like my mom at the time was

548
00:24:35,359 --> 00:24:38,680
Speaker 4: when she was raising me, was really in the Kojik church.

549
00:24:38,760 --> 00:24:40,960
Speaker 4: But I think, you know, that's what her mom taught

550
00:24:41,000 --> 00:24:44,320
Speaker 4: her about sex and bodies. And that was actually something

551
00:24:44,359 --> 00:24:47,320
Speaker 4: that came through in the podcast episode because I for

552
00:24:47,359 --> 00:24:49,800
Speaker 4: a long time held so much resentment of my mom

553
00:24:49,880 --> 00:24:52,919
Speaker 4: to be like why, like you knew this and you

554
00:24:52,960 --> 00:24:55,560
Speaker 4: saw me struggling, Like why didn't you speak up and

555
00:24:55,600 --> 00:24:59,119
Speaker 4: say I've been there, and like you're not alone and

556
00:24:59,160 --> 00:25:01,879
Speaker 4: it's okay, and like don't be out here fucking reckless,

557
00:25:02,000 --> 00:25:04,400
Speaker 4: like use condoms or whatever, Like you could have used

558
00:25:04,400 --> 00:25:07,480
Speaker 4: that opportunity. And I realized that she just didn't know

559
00:25:07,520 --> 00:25:10,880
Speaker 4: how because she didn't see anyone else model that for her.

560
00:25:11,040 --> 00:25:15,080
Speaker 1: So and what a beautiful like that her daughter is

561
00:25:15,160 --> 00:25:16,679
Speaker 1: kind of leading that way for her.

562
00:25:16,920 --> 00:25:18,680
Speaker 4: Yeah, I feel like in a lot of ways, I've

563
00:25:18,720 --> 00:25:21,160
Speaker 4: helped you sexually liberate my mom. Whether she would admit

564
00:25:21,200 --> 00:25:22,400
Speaker 4: that or not, I think that I have.

565
00:25:22,520 --> 00:25:27,000
Speaker 2: Absolutely, absolutely, because I think for a lot of us,

566
00:25:27,600 --> 00:25:31,200
Speaker 2: it's important that we asked those questions. What was your

567
00:25:31,200 --> 00:25:35,119
Speaker 2: relationship with sex in your childhood? What conversations did your

568
00:25:35,160 --> 00:25:37,119
Speaker 2: mom have with you because nine times out of ten,

569
00:25:37,160 --> 00:25:40,280
Speaker 2: there weren't many, and that we I think that's our

570
00:25:40,280 --> 00:25:43,920
Speaker 2: whole thing too, is like sometimes we adopt ideas without

571
00:25:44,119 --> 00:25:47,879
Speaker 2: really choosing them. We just are inheriting the and the

572
00:25:47,920 --> 00:25:50,520
Speaker 2: ideas and then putting them on our kids and perpetuating

573
00:25:50,520 --> 00:25:53,159
Speaker 2: that same cycle without questioning it. And I think, like

574
00:25:53,240 --> 00:25:55,760
Speaker 2: that's the most important, you know, right now. It's like

575
00:25:56,160 --> 00:25:58,439
Speaker 2: even for us, people you know, could scroll past our

576
00:25:58,480 --> 00:26:00,680
Speaker 2: shit and be like all these these moms are talking

577
00:26:00,720 --> 00:26:03,880
Speaker 2: about sex and smoking weed and make assumptions. But it's

578
00:26:04,240 --> 00:26:08,719
Speaker 2: like I encourage everyone to dig deeper into our relationship,

579
00:26:08,800 --> 00:26:11,399
Speaker 2: like your relationship with certain things and the why, you know,

580
00:26:11,600 --> 00:26:14,359
Speaker 2: like there's a lot most of the time you didn't

581
00:26:14,440 --> 00:26:17,960
Speaker 2: choose that, you know, And like it's really important as

582
00:26:18,000 --> 00:26:22,080
Speaker 2: we raise girls in this time that that we're not

583
00:26:22,160 --> 00:26:24,000
Speaker 2: doing the same thing our parents did do us because

584
00:26:24,040 --> 00:26:26,520
Speaker 2: same like my mom found birth control in my bed

585
00:26:26,600 --> 00:26:29,040
Speaker 2: and I was like, all hell broke loose and I

586
00:26:29,040 --> 00:26:31,199
Speaker 2: got I did get pregnant in high school and the

587
00:26:31,240 --> 00:26:33,159
Speaker 2: school called and said I wasn't there and it was

588
00:26:33,480 --> 00:26:36,560
Speaker 2: fucking traumatic, and my dad didn't talk to me for

589
00:26:36,600 --> 00:26:37,719
Speaker 2: like two and a half weeks.

590
00:26:38,000 --> 00:26:38,960
Speaker 3: In the house, and.

591
00:26:38,920 --> 00:26:42,600
Speaker 2: I was just like, I'm a horrible little slut, you know,

592
00:26:42,720 --> 00:26:45,000
Speaker 2: And it's just like how much of that did I

593
00:26:45,040 --> 00:26:47,520
Speaker 2: hold onto? And then like I feel like some people

594
00:26:48,160 --> 00:26:52,040
Speaker 2: have shames, sexual shame or sexual trauma and they disassociate

595
00:26:52,160 --> 00:26:55,040
Speaker 2: during sex and they like completely stay away from it,

596
00:26:55,560 --> 00:26:58,960
Speaker 2: or they become hyper sexual or both, because I did both.

597
00:26:59,119 --> 00:27:02,000
Speaker 2: I was hyper sexual and disassociating during sex and then

598
00:27:02,080 --> 00:27:05,800
Speaker 2: like knowing something was wrong but not really and feeling like, oh,

599
00:27:05,800 --> 00:27:07,920
Speaker 2: I'm liberated, you know, like I can do whatever I want,

600
00:27:08,000 --> 00:27:10,440
Speaker 2: so I'm fucking But in reality, I was being coherced

601
00:27:10,440 --> 00:27:12,960
Speaker 2: by like older men and just things that I really

602
00:27:13,040 --> 00:27:16,200
Speaker 2: probably wouldn't have chosen had I been more clear about

603
00:27:16,640 --> 00:27:18,919
Speaker 2: what it is I actually wanted and if I was

604
00:27:18,960 --> 00:27:21,480
Speaker 2: actually having sex for my pleasure and taught that that

605
00:27:21,600 --> 00:27:24,080
Speaker 2: was a priority and that was even important. So I

606
00:27:24,119 --> 00:27:27,840
Speaker 2: just think it's like, kudos to you for healing that

607
00:27:28,320 --> 00:27:31,560
Speaker 2: part of like the women and your family, and like, yeah.

608
00:27:32,200 --> 00:27:34,760
Speaker 4: I think about my ancestors a lot with this work,

609
00:27:34,880 --> 00:27:37,240
Speaker 4: Like I can't help but think about my grandmothers and

610
00:27:37,600 --> 00:27:41,400
Speaker 4: their mothers and the things that they learned about their bodies.

611
00:27:41,560 --> 00:27:44,560
Speaker 4: Also the ancestors that I had that did not have

612
00:27:44,640 --> 00:27:48,760
Speaker 4: bodily autonomy and could not choose to have sex in

613
00:27:48,800 --> 00:27:51,240
Speaker 4: a pleasurable way. You know, so a lot of this

614
00:27:51,359 --> 00:27:54,040
Speaker 4: work for me is about honoring them and also bringing

615
00:27:54,080 --> 00:27:57,439
Speaker 4: healing to the folks that came before me. Yeah.

616
00:27:57,480 --> 00:28:00,520
Speaker 2: Absolutely, I know, like a part of your journey you

617
00:28:00,560 --> 00:28:05,080
Speaker 2: discuss like just sexual abuse that you've experienced, and like

618
00:28:05,119 --> 00:28:08,280
Speaker 2: I said, as women, I feel like most of all

619
00:28:08,320 --> 00:28:11,239
Speaker 2: women have been violated. Yeah, to be a woman is right,

620
00:28:11,760 --> 00:28:14,240
Speaker 2: this is my this is my number one quote. And

621
00:28:14,320 --> 00:28:17,679
Speaker 2: I know you've used like your work to heal that.

622
00:28:18,160 --> 00:28:22,080
Speaker 2: And what ways have you used sensuality to heal trauma?

623
00:28:22,119 --> 00:28:24,520
Speaker 2: Because I think for some people, when something happens to

624
00:28:24,600 --> 00:28:27,240
Speaker 2: them and that is taken away from them, they completely

625
00:28:27,240 --> 00:28:31,040
Speaker 2: disassociate with sensuality with sexuality and they're like I'm good, yeah,

626
00:28:31,080 --> 00:28:33,199
Speaker 2: instead of but you've used it as a tool, and like,

627
00:28:33,320 --> 00:28:34,679
Speaker 2: in what ways has that helped you?

628
00:28:35,040 --> 00:28:37,600
Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm glad that you asked that question. When I

629
00:28:37,640 --> 00:28:42,280
Speaker 4: first got started with my journey of sexual healing, I

630
00:28:42,400 --> 00:28:45,360
Speaker 4: was kind of having those same experiences that you were naming,

631
00:28:45,480 --> 00:28:47,760
Speaker 4: like being like, Okay, I'm an adult, now I get

632
00:28:47,760 --> 00:28:49,040
Speaker 4: to have all the sex that I want and I

633
00:28:49,040 --> 00:28:51,600
Speaker 4: get to be free. But it wasn't connected to anything,

634
00:28:51,680 --> 00:28:53,720
Speaker 4: Like I wasn't connected to my body. I wasn't even

635
00:28:53,720 --> 00:28:57,120
Speaker 4: connected to actual pleasure or my real desires. I was

636
00:28:57,160 --> 00:29:00,959
Speaker 4: almost like going through the motions of of what folks

637
00:29:01,000 --> 00:29:03,560
Speaker 4: told me that my sex life should look like. And

638
00:29:04,000 --> 00:29:06,120
Speaker 4: I think, honestly, that did a lot more damage because

639
00:29:06,120 --> 00:29:08,479
Speaker 4: I was overwriting my body, Like my body was being like,

640
00:29:08,840 --> 00:29:11,360
Speaker 4: slow down, we don't want to have sex, like it's

641
00:29:11,400 --> 00:29:14,120
Speaker 4: triggering for us, and I'm like, but I'm a fucking adult,

642
00:29:14,160 --> 00:29:16,360
Speaker 4: Like I'm with my husband, let's fucking do that. Like

643
00:29:16,480 --> 00:29:20,000
Speaker 4: it's that's not healthy, you know. And so I actually

644
00:29:20,120 --> 00:29:22,800
Speaker 4: kind of took a step back from sex and started

645
00:29:22,800 --> 00:29:26,120
Speaker 4: to focus only on sensuality, which I know a lot

646
00:29:26,160 --> 00:29:29,680
Speaker 4: of people tend to mix those things. They use those

647
00:29:29,720 --> 00:29:34,040
Speaker 4: words interchangeably. But sensuality is very different from sexuality. It

648
00:29:34,080 --> 00:29:37,280
Speaker 4: has its own meaning and its own experience, and sensuality

649
00:29:37,320 --> 00:29:40,080
Speaker 4: for me means just being in your body and being

650
00:29:40,280 --> 00:29:44,840
Speaker 4: of the body, and especially feeling into your body and

651
00:29:44,880 --> 00:29:47,640
Speaker 4: the pleasure that it can experience both inside and outside

652
00:29:47,680 --> 00:29:50,480
Speaker 4: of the bedroom. So sensuality for me was a lot

653
00:29:50,520 --> 00:29:53,160
Speaker 4: more accessible because I'm like Okay, sex, I can put

654
00:29:53,160 --> 00:29:55,160
Speaker 4: that on the back burner, But can I be in

655
00:29:55,240 --> 00:29:57,400
Speaker 4: my own body? Like, what is it like for me

656
00:29:57,560 --> 00:30:01,320
Speaker 4: to really inhabit my body? What is it like for

657
00:30:01,440 --> 00:30:04,000
Speaker 4: me to listen to the messages of my body? And

658
00:30:04,040 --> 00:30:06,840
Speaker 4: I think that's what sexual trauma steals from us. It

659
00:30:06,920 --> 00:30:10,719
Speaker 4: steals from us our ability to connect to our body

660
00:30:10,840 --> 00:30:13,200
Speaker 4: because we've been taught through that trauma that our bodies

661
00:30:13,200 --> 00:30:16,040
Speaker 4: aren't safe to inhabit. I also think that sexual trauma

662
00:30:16,160 --> 00:30:20,160
Speaker 4: takes away our ability to trust the voice of our body.

663
00:30:20,840 --> 00:30:24,360
Speaker 4: So sensuality for me has been a really important piece

664
00:30:24,640 --> 00:30:27,600
Speaker 4: in connecting back to my sexual self, because I mean,

665
00:30:27,640 --> 00:30:29,720
Speaker 4: it all starts with the body. You know, Like we're

666
00:30:29,720 --> 00:30:31,640
Speaker 4: not having sex with anything else, We're having sex with

667
00:30:31,680 --> 00:30:33,920
Speaker 4: our bodies. And a lot of us are having sex

668
00:30:34,280 --> 00:30:36,360
Speaker 4: thinking that we're totally present, but we're not, like we're

669
00:30:36,400 --> 00:30:39,200
Speaker 4: all the way up here, or we're like in another room,

670
00:30:39,560 --> 00:30:42,760
Speaker 4: or you know, we're doing something in our heads, math

671
00:30:42,920 --> 00:30:46,960
Speaker 4: or thinking about you know, shopping lists or whatever. And yeah,

672
00:30:47,040 --> 00:30:49,920
Speaker 4: I mean, I think that we need to be more

673
00:30:49,960 --> 00:30:52,080
Speaker 4: aware of the things that take us out of our

674
00:30:52,080 --> 00:30:54,680
Speaker 4: bodies and also pay attention when our bodies are like yeah,

675
00:30:54,680 --> 00:30:56,760
Speaker 4: we're not here. Maybe that means we should slow down

676
00:30:57,240 --> 00:31:00,840
Speaker 4: or stop or try something different. What does that look like?

677
00:31:01,040 --> 00:31:01,200
Speaker 1: You know?

678
00:31:01,560 --> 00:31:03,920
Speaker 2: And then even when you do get those signals and

679
00:31:03,960 --> 00:31:06,040
Speaker 2: you know that then speaking on it, because that's a

680
00:31:06,040 --> 00:31:08,680
Speaker 2: whole different thing, feeling empowered enough to be like, actually

681
00:31:08,720 --> 00:31:09,360
Speaker 2: I don't want to do this.

682
00:31:09,920 --> 00:31:13,120
Speaker 4: This is so layered, and like I just feel it

683
00:31:13,160 --> 00:31:15,440
Speaker 4: on my spirit to say, like this is really really

684
00:31:15,520 --> 00:31:17,640
Speaker 4: hard to do. Like it's very easy for me to

685
00:31:17,680 --> 00:31:19,800
Speaker 4: talk about it, like, oh, yeah, just listen to your body.

686
00:31:20,400 --> 00:31:22,920
Speaker 4: Your body says stop. But like if you don't have

687
00:31:23,000 --> 00:31:25,360
Speaker 4: a connection to your body at all, and if you've

688
00:31:25,400 --> 00:31:28,720
Speaker 4: been taught that your voice doesn't matter, that whether you

689
00:31:28,840 --> 00:31:31,040
Speaker 4: say no or yes, it doesn't matter. It's going to

690
00:31:31,080 --> 00:31:33,840
Speaker 4: happen to you anyway. If you have been raised into

691
00:31:33,840 --> 00:31:35,760
Speaker 4: culture like I think a lot of us have, that

692
00:31:36,680 --> 00:31:41,640
Speaker 4: makes sex appear to be so serious and also so

693
00:31:42,320 --> 00:31:44,600
Speaker 4: superficial at the same time. Like there's a lot of

694
00:31:44,680 --> 00:31:48,080
Speaker 4: confusing messages. So like I just want to pause and say, like,

695
00:31:48,160 --> 00:31:51,040
Speaker 4: this takes fucking work, and it takes years to get

696
00:31:51,080 --> 00:31:54,280
Speaker 4: to this space, but it really just starts by like

697
00:31:54,600 --> 00:31:57,360
Speaker 4: creating practices that where you can listen to your body,

698
00:31:57,640 --> 00:31:59,600
Speaker 4: maybe not in the sexual realm, Like that might be

699
00:31:59,600 --> 00:32:03,240
Speaker 4: a little too much. Maybe that looks like creating practices

700
00:32:03,280 --> 00:32:06,600
Speaker 4: where you are paying attention to your body during the day,

701
00:32:06,800 --> 00:32:09,360
Speaker 4: you know, or you were carving out time where you

702
00:32:09,520 --> 00:32:12,000
Speaker 4: are exploring what pleasure or feeling good in your body

703
00:32:12,040 --> 00:32:14,880
Speaker 4: feels like outside of sex. I think a lot of

704
00:32:14,960 --> 00:32:19,440
Speaker 4: us only designate pleasure in the bedroom, like we allow

705
00:32:19,480 --> 00:32:21,800
Speaker 4: ourselves to feel like, oh, this is where I'm allowed

706
00:32:21,840 --> 00:32:24,640
Speaker 4: to experience pleasure, ask for what I want or whatever.

707
00:32:25,240 --> 00:32:28,120
Speaker 4: But we are allowed to explore and express our pleasure

708
00:32:28,480 --> 00:32:31,719
Speaker 4: in a platonic way as well. So beginning that relationship

709
00:32:31,760 --> 00:32:34,240
Speaker 4: I think is really important. Those are like really good

710
00:32:34,240 --> 00:32:36,480
Speaker 4: first steps to getting to that point where you can,

711
00:32:36,840 --> 00:32:39,320
Speaker 4: in the middle of sex be like, ah, yeah, I'm

712
00:32:39,480 --> 00:32:42,320
Speaker 4: paying attention to my body. My heart's racing a little bit.

713
00:32:42,440 --> 00:32:45,240
Speaker 4: I now understand, like what it feels like when I'm dissociating,

714
00:32:45,720 --> 00:32:47,800
Speaker 4: I am not in my body. Let's pause and slow down,

715
00:32:47,800 --> 00:32:49,680
Speaker 4: Like it's taken ten fucking years time.

716
00:32:49,720 --> 00:32:53,920
Speaker 1: I was going to say that in itself is very

717
00:32:54,080 --> 00:32:58,120
Speaker 1: very difficult for women, me included, to especially once you've

718
00:32:58,600 --> 00:33:01,520
Speaker 1: agreed that okay, having sex, like we're gonna do this,

719
00:33:01,560 --> 00:33:03,960
Speaker 1: We're doing it, I'm into it. To then stop the

720
00:33:04,000 --> 00:33:08,200
Speaker 1: process and say, you know what, body's saying something else

721
00:33:08,800 --> 00:33:11,800
Speaker 1: like that. There's as women, we have so much we

722
00:33:11,880 --> 00:33:15,640
Speaker 1: resist saying no or stepping away because we feel like

723
00:33:15,640 --> 00:33:18,920
Speaker 1: we've already agreed to something obligated, and it's like, oh, well,

724
00:33:19,280 --> 00:33:21,200
Speaker 1: he's gonna think I'm crazy, or he's the thing, I'm

725
00:33:21,240 --> 00:33:24,320
Speaker 1: overly emotional, or he's gonna think like there's something wrong

726
00:33:24,440 --> 00:33:27,160
Speaker 1: with me, or there's something wrong with him. I don't

727
00:33:27,160 --> 00:33:29,880
Speaker 1: want to make him feel bad, you know. I would

728
00:33:29,920 --> 00:33:32,320
Speaker 1: say that I don't know like the all the steps,

729
00:33:32,320 --> 00:33:34,760
Speaker 1: but I feel like that's like step ten because like

730
00:33:35,320 --> 00:33:37,640
Speaker 1: I feel like that is really really difficult for women,

731
00:33:37,880 --> 00:33:38,800
Speaker 1: meaning like I said me.

732
00:33:38,760 --> 00:33:40,960
Speaker 4: Included, Yeah, I mean it is difficult. I want to

733
00:33:41,000 --> 00:33:43,520
Speaker 4: affirm that it's really fucking hard. It's especially hard when

734
00:33:43,520 --> 00:33:46,240
Speaker 4: you're in a relationship with someone who if you were

735
00:33:46,280 --> 00:33:47,920
Speaker 4: to say no and be like, hey, I know that

736
00:33:47,960 --> 00:33:49,640
Speaker 4: we were just like getting it on and I'm but

737
00:33:50,160 --> 00:33:53,520
Speaker 4: let's not like and that person would be like the fuck.

738
00:33:53,680 --> 00:33:55,760
Speaker 4: Like that makes it difficult too, you know. So I

739
00:33:55,760 --> 00:33:58,560
Speaker 4: think it starts first and foremost by like picking a

740
00:33:58,600 --> 00:34:02,680
Speaker 4: partner that under stands the nuances of your sexuality and

741
00:34:02,800 --> 00:34:06,320
Speaker 4: like the ways that you're it's not even about like

742
00:34:06,680 --> 00:34:09,839
Speaker 4: your sexuality, but can see like your humanity, Like it's

743
00:34:09,880 --> 00:34:12,279
Speaker 4: okay for you to stop if you don't want to

744
00:34:12,320 --> 00:34:16,200
Speaker 4: do something, it's okay for the consent to change. Like

745
00:34:16,239 --> 00:34:19,440
Speaker 4: if you said yes and now it's a no, that's okay.

746
00:34:19,480 --> 00:34:22,359
Speaker 4: And hopefully you'll pick partners that are just like I'll

747
00:34:22,360 --> 00:34:24,040
Speaker 4: go with the flow. We can do something else, we

748
00:34:24,040 --> 00:34:27,080
Speaker 4: can find different ways to be intimate. This will put

749
00:34:27,080 --> 00:34:29,040
Speaker 4: a pin in this and get to it tomorrow or whatever.

750
00:34:29,480 --> 00:34:32,600
Speaker 4: A lot of people, a lot of men, aren't capable

751
00:34:32,600 --> 00:34:35,239
Speaker 4: of doing that, you know. So it's important to pick

752
00:34:35,280 --> 00:34:38,320
Speaker 4: partners that are able to give you grace and space

753
00:34:38,480 --> 00:34:40,759
Speaker 4: as you are on this sexual healing journey, so that

754
00:34:40,840 --> 00:34:43,640
Speaker 4: when you have these moments where you need to pause,

755
00:34:43,880 --> 00:34:46,839
Speaker 4: or when you're getting triggered or something like that, that

756
00:34:46,880 --> 00:34:49,560
Speaker 4: they can be able to hold you in that not

757
00:34:49,680 --> 00:34:51,560
Speaker 4: judge you or blame you for that, and also like

758
00:34:51,640 --> 00:34:52,520
Speaker 4: take care of you.

759
00:34:52,520 --> 00:34:55,320
Speaker 1: You know, I know that you've been married for fourteen

760
00:34:55,400 --> 00:34:59,160
Speaker 1: years and it sounds like you picked a great, excellent partner.

761
00:34:59,320 --> 00:35:00,680
Speaker 4: Yeah, I don't know how how I did that, and

762
00:35:00,800 --> 00:35:01,000
Speaker 4: I was.

763
00:35:01,000 --> 00:35:03,160
Speaker 1: Gonna say, like, did you know like ahead of time

764
00:35:03,280 --> 00:35:04,000
Speaker 1: that he was going to.

765
00:35:04,000 --> 00:35:05,600
Speaker 3: Be It was so crazy.

766
00:35:05,640 --> 00:35:09,920
Speaker 4: We met on my Space and wow, yeah, yeah, it

767
00:35:10,000 --> 00:35:12,279
Speaker 4: was supposed to be like a one night Stan. I

768
00:35:12,360 --> 00:35:14,720
Speaker 4: was like, I'm out of this relationship. I'm just gonna

769
00:35:14,840 --> 00:35:17,160
Speaker 4: have a fuck buddy, and that did not work. We

770
00:35:17,280 --> 00:35:19,799
Speaker 4: like were saying we loved each other with the night

771
00:35:19,880 --> 00:35:23,560
Speaker 4: days of meeting each other, and yeah, he's he's been wonderful,

772
00:35:23,880 --> 00:35:27,960
Speaker 4: especially as I, like my parents went through really traumatic

773
00:35:28,000 --> 00:35:31,720
Speaker 4: divorce and it really shaped the way that I thought

774
00:35:31,760 --> 00:35:35,799
Speaker 4: about marriage and men in particular, and I kind of

775
00:35:36,239 --> 00:35:38,040
Speaker 4: thought at the time that like, I'm never going to

776
00:35:38,080 --> 00:35:42,439
Speaker 4: get married, like fuck, men, men are trash, yuck, and yeah,

777
00:35:42,640 --> 00:35:45,480
Speaker 4: we just divine alignment.

778
00:35:45,719 --> 00:35:48,880
Speaker 1: I met my person, So I mean I would imagine

779
00:35:48,880 --> 00:35:52,360
Speaker 1: that like this journey and especially like you mentioned, like

780
00:35:52,400 --> 00:35:56,280
Speaker 1: having a partner where you're exploring your sensuality and listening

781
00:35:56,360 --> 00:36:00,440
Speaker 1: to your body and possibly stopping during sex. I mean,

782
00:36:00,719 --> 00:36:02,799
Speaker 1: even like I said, have been you know, following you

783
00:36:02,840 --> 00:36:05,640
Speaker 1: for a while and I know that you guys are married,

784
00:36:05,680 --> 00:36:08,560
Speaker 1: but then chose to live separate from one another and

785
00:36:08,800 --> 00:36:10,560
Speaker 1: like kind of figure out who you guys are as

786
00:36:10,600 --> 00:36:14,560
Speaker 1: individuals outside of you know, coexisting in one space together.

787
00:36:15,400 --> 00:36:19,080
Speaker 1: How did that conversation go because I feel like, you know,

788
00:36:19,120 --> 00:36:21,799
Speaker 1: we were talking about we had this woman on her

789
00:36:21,880 --> 00:36:24,600
Speaker 1: name's Aaron Claire Jones, and she's a human design expert,

790
00:36:25,120 --> 00:36:28,920
Speaker 1: and she was discussing how certain designs like that were

791
00:36:28,960 --> 00:36:31,640
Speaker 1: really meant to you know, live in separate like half

792
00:36:31,640 --> 00:36:34,160
Speaker 1: separate rooms, half separate spaces, like it's really healthy for

793
00:36:34,200 --> 00:36:37,480
Speaker 1: people to exist and have their own spaces. This is

794
00:36:37,520 --> 00:36:39,520
Speaker 1: even more, you know, this is even deeper than that.

795
00:36:39,640 --> 00:36:41,760
Speaker 1: This is actually like I love you, but I'm actually

796
00:36:41,760 --> 00:36:44,360
Speaker 1: going to move out, and i still want to be

797
00:36:44,400 --> 00:36:46,000
Speaker 1: married to you, but I'm actually going to go do

798
00:36:46,120 --> 00:36:47,280
Speaker 1: my own thing for a while.

799
00:36:48,239 --> 00:36:49,800
Speaker 4: That was very interesting.

800
00:36:50,200 --> 00:36:52,480
Speaker 1: How did I think? That's a two part question. How

801
00:36:52,480 --> 00:36:55,480
Speaker 1: did you arrive to that? And then how did that

802
00:36:55,520 --> 00:36:56,400
Speaker 1: conversation go?

803
00:36:57,000 --> 00:37:00,520
Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean that was really tricky and complex. I

804
00:37:00,600 --> 00:37:04,960
Speaker 4: was actually visiting LA and I'm from this area originally.

805
00:37:05,239 --> 00:37:08,759
Speaker 4: I was previously living in Portland, Oregon. Hated almost every

806
00:37:08,800 --> 00:37:11,400
Speaker 4: second of it. I just did not resonate with the land,

807
00:37:11,520 --> 00:37:13,520
Speaker 4: or the people or the culture there. And I was

808
00:37:13,600 --> 00:37:16,360
Speaker 4: visiting LA for the first time since I moved to Portland,

809
00:37:16,440 --> 00:37:19,640
Speaker 4: and I felt such a like like I just felt

810
00:37:19,640 --> 00:37:21,360
Speaker 4: it in my heart, like oh my god, I'm supposed

811
00:37:21,360 --> 00:37:23,799
Speaker 4: to be here like this is home, Like this is

812
00:37:23,800 --> 00:37:26,680
Speaker 4: what home is supposed to feel like. And so during

813
00:37:26,680 --> 00:37:28,520
Speaker 4: that trip, I was just like, fuck, what would it

814
00:37:28,560 --> 00:37:30,319
Speaker 4: be like if I like moved to LA And it

815
00:37:30,400 --> 00:37:33,239
Speaker 4: was so weird. I started looking at apartments, but I

816
00:37:33,320 --> 00:37:36,440
Speaker 4: wasn't thinking about like, oh, Jonathan's gonna come with me

817
00:37:36,560 --> 00:37:38,719
Speaker 4: and my dog. It was like it would be so

818
00:37:38,800 --> 00:37:41,200
Speaker 4: cute if I got a studio and I'm like, whoa,

819
00:37:41,200 --> 00:37:45,160
Speaker 4: where is this coming from? Then I visited California again

820
00:37:45,440 --> 00:37:48,000
Speaker 4: and I felt that feeling even more so of just

821
00:37:48,080 --> 00:37:49,759
Speaker 4: like you need to be here. You need to get

822
00:37:49,760 --> 00:37:51,400
Speaker 4: the fuck out of Portland. It's not good for you.

823
00:37:52,160 --> 00:37:55,480
Speaker 4: And my partner was not really interested in moving to LA.

824
00:37:55,760 --> 00:37:58,360
Speaker 4: I wouldn't say that he was like in love with Portland,

825
00:37:58,360 --> 00:38:02,200
Speaker 4: but he was definitely not wanting to move back to California.

826
00:38:02,840 --> 00:38:05,200
Speaker 4: So I just sort of broached the subject of like

827
00:38:05,239 --> 00:38:07,479
Speaker 4: what would it look like? First, I said, what would

828
00:38:07,480 --> 00:38:10,399
Speaker 4: it look like if like I spent three months in LA?

829
00:38:10,560 --> 00:38:12,680
Speaker 4: You know, like maybe I would visit you, but you know,

830
00:38:12,920 --> 00:38:15,000
Speaker 4: I'm here all the time for work, it makes sense, like,

831
00:38:15,239 --> 00:38:16,640
Speaker 4: you know, maybe we could save a little bit of

832
00:38:16,719 --> 00:38:18,960
Speaker 4: money if I'm like spend like stretches of time there

833
00:38:19,000 --> 00:38:21,040
Speaker 4: on airfare or whatever. And I was like, yeah, that's

834
00:38:21,080 --> 00:38:22,799
Speaker 4: kind of a cool idea. Sure we could do that.

835
00:38:23,040 --> 00:38:25,920
Speaker 4: And then I started getting like really really clear messages

836
00:38:26,000 --> 00:38:28,440
Speaker 4: that like you are supposed to move here, and you

837
00:38:28,480 --> 00:38:31,280
Speaker 4: were supposed to move here without your partner, like that's

838
00:38:31,320 --> 00:38:34,200
Speaker 4: what you're supposed to do. And I remember having that

839
00:38:34,280 --> 00:38:37,760
Speaker 4: conversation with Jonathan and he was like, so you're breaking

840
00:38:37,840 --> 00:38:39,120
Speaker 4: up with me, and I'm like, I don't know what

841
00:38:39,120 --> 00:38:41,400
Speaker 4: this means. I'm just like getting these messages and I

842
00:38:41,440 --> 00:38:45,239
Speaker 4: feel like I am supposed to be apart from you.

843
00:38:45,560 --> 00:38:48,239
Speaker 4: And I think the context behind this is that we

844
00:38:48,280 --> 00:38:50,560
Speaker 4: got married when I was super young. I was twenty

845
00:38:50,640 --> 00:38:52,919
Speaker 4: when we got married. I was nineteen when we met,

846
00:38:53,400 --> 00:38:56,520
Speaker 4: and I never had the experience of living alone, like

847
00:38:56,640 --> 00:39:00,680
Speaker 4: I lived with my mom and then my sister, and

848
00:39:00,680 --> 00:39:02,440
Speaker 4: then I met Jonathan and I moved in with him,

849
00:39:02,480 --> 00:39:04,120
Speaker 4: so I didn't and I didn't go to college or

850
00:39:04,160 --> 00:39:08,719
Speaker 4: have the dorm experience, so I never had that experience

851
00:39:08,840 --> 00:39:11,960
Speaker 4: of being by myself. And then also with us being

852
00:39:12,000 --> 00:39:14,759
Speaker 4: together for so long I was with him twenty four

853
00:39:14,760 --> 00:39:16,640
Speaker 4: to seven, there wasn't a lot of time for me

854
00:39:16,800 --> 00:39:21,080
Speaker 4: to find my own rhythm. And I mean, our relationship

855
00:39:21,120 --> 00:39:24,360
Speaker 4: is pretty pretty flexible, and I feel like we've created

856
00:39:24,400 --> 00:39:27,040
Speaker 4: a lot of space for each of us to grow individually.

857
00:39:27,800 --> 00:39:31,360
Speaker 4: But there was something that was really calling to me about,

858
00:39:31,400 --> 00:39:34,000
Speaker 4: like what is it like for you to be by yourself?

859
00:39:34,040 --> 00:39:37,640
Speaker 4: Like who are you outside of this relationship? Like who

860
00:39:37,680 --> 00:39:40,920
Speaker 4: are you when you're not a wife, And who are

861
00:39:40,960 --> 00:39:42,960
Speaker 4: you if you're just like by yourself?

862
00:39:46,560 --> 00:39:47,240
Speaker 3: Oh my god.

863
00:39:47,320 --> 00:39:49,799
Speaker 2: I've been trying to keep it sexy and literally, Like

864
00:39:49,840 --> 00:39:53,880
Speaker 2: a Kitten gets it poppin' every month, they sent a

865
00:39:54,040 --> 00:39:56,080
Speaker 2: very special subscription.

866
00:39:55,640 --> 00:39:56,680
Speaker 3: Box to your house.

867
00:39:56,880 --> 00:39:58,279
Speaker 2: You don't have to leave the house, you don't have

868
00:39:58,320 --> 00:39:59,799
Speaker 2: to park, you don't have to pick the shit out.

869
00:40:00,080 --> 00:40:00,600
Speaker 3: It's perfect.

870
00:40:00,640 --> 00:40:03,799
Speaker 1: They have lingerie I know. They even have a byob

871
00:40:03,920 --> 00:40:06,719
Speaker 1: box aka build your own box girl. Last time, I

872
00:40:06,760 --> 00:40:11,080
Speaker 1: got handcuffs, robes, massage, oils. Every category you can think of.

873
00:40:11,160 --> 00:40:14,360
Speaker 1: They have. Everything is within reach and right now, Like

874
00:40:14,400 --> 00:40:17,480
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875
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876
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877
00:40:27,600 --> 00:40:30,160
Speaker 4: You know, there's no model for this. Like anytime that

878
00:40:30,239 --> 00:40:32,560
Speaker 4: I would google this on the internet, they'd be like, oh,

879
00:40:32,600 --> 00:40:36,560
Speaker 4: so you're separating and the separation leads to divorce. I'm like, no, no, no,

880
00:40:36,600 --> 00:40:38,719
Speaker 4: that's not it, because like I'm really happy in my

881
00:40:38,960 --> 00:40:41,799
Speaker 4: relationship and there's nothing wrong and I really want to

882
00:40:41,800 --> 00:40:44,000
Speaker 4: be with you. I just want to live apart from

883
00:40:44,040 --> 00:40:47,000
Speaker 4: you for a stretch of time. So we sort of

884
00:40:47,160 --> 00:40:50,279
Speaker 4: figured it out kind of on our own that we

885
00:40:50,280 --> 00:40:52,280
Speaker 4: were going to do this thing, and it was going

886
00:40:52,280 --> 00:40:54,319
Speaker 4: to confuse a lot of people. Like my mom was

887
00:40:54,400 --> 00:40:56,279
Speaker 4: freaking out. She's like, oh, so you guys are getting

888
00:40:56,280 --> 00:40:58,080
Speaker 4: a divorce and you're just not telling me. And I'm like, no,

889
00:40:58,120 --> 00:41:02,160
Speaker 4: I promise you everything good. And yeah, he stayed in

890
00:41:02,600 --> 00:41:05,200
Speaker 4: Oregon and I moved down to LA for a year.

891
00:41:05,920 --> 00:41:07,560
Speaker 4: COVID happened two weeks after.

892
00:41:08,000 --> 00:41:10,600
Speaker 1: Oh my god, damn. If there was ever a sign

893
00:41:10,880 --> 00:41:12,280
Speaker 1: right wow, now.

894
00:41:12,239 --> 00:41:15,400
Speaker 4: Sit Yeah, that was I mean, first of all, the

895
00:41:15,440 --> 00:41:18,560
Speaker 4: fact that COVID happened two weeks after I got here,

896
00:41:18,800 --> 00:41:21,640
Speaker 4: Like if I hadn't moved then I would have gotten

897
00:41:21,640 --> 00:41:25,400
Speaker 4: stuck in Portland. Yes, so I was very grateful, Like seriously,

898
00:41:25,520 --> 00:41:27,680
Speaker 4: my ancestors and my spare guides were with me, like

899
00:41:27,719 --> 00:41:30,920
Speaker 4: get the fuck out. So yeah, So we lived apart

900
00:41:30,960 --> 00:41:33,520
Speaker 4: for a year, about a year. He moved back a

901
00:41:33,600 --> 00:41:35,680
Speaker 4: year ago. So now we're together again.

902
00:41:35,920 --> 00:41:38,760
Speaker 1: Did you guys stay apart the entire time?

903
00:41:39,120 --> 00:41:41,359
Speaker 4: We had to, at least for the first five months

904
00:41:41,400 --> 00:41:44,480
Speaker 4: because of COVID, like everything was shut down. So originally

905
00:41:44,520 --> 00:41:46,279
Speaker 4: we had said, we're going to see each other twice

906
00:41:46,280 --> 00:41:48,200
Speaker 4: a month, so I'll fly up to Oregon and then

907
00:41:48,239 --> 00:41:50,640
Speaker 4: you'll fly down to LA and we'll get a chance

908
00:41:50,680 --> 00:41:52,919
Speaker 4: to see each other. But that didn't happen, of course,

909
00:41:52,960 --> 00:41:55,719
Speaker 4: because of COVID, and then like later, as you know,

910
00:41:55,800 --> 00:41:59,800
Speaker 4: COVID started to not surge. We saw each other I

911
00:41:59,800 --> 00:42:03,320
Speaker 4: think like four times throughout that that year. But yeah,

912
00:42:03,360 --> 00:42:06,520
Speaker 4: it was not at all what we planned, not at

913
00:42:06,520 --> 00:42:08,440
Speaker 4: all what we planned, And I think that was for

914
00:42:08,480 --> 00:42:11,400
Speaker 4: the best because it really allowed me to sit my

915
00:42:11,440 --> 00:42:14,640
Speaker 4: ass down and like literally be alone. Because when I

916
00:42:14,680 --> 00:42:16,359
Speaker 4: moved here, I was like, sweet, I'm gonna be around

917
00:42:16,400 --> 00:42:20,000
Speaker 4: my friends, I'm gonna do work stuff, I'm gonna be partying.

918
00:42:20,120 --> 00:42:24,640
Speaker 1: And He's like, Nope, no you're not. Yeah, I mean

919
00:42:24,680 --> 00:42:26,279
Speaker 1: I would think, so, I would think. I mean, I

920
00:42:26,280 --> 00:42:27,919
Speaker 1: know you got you had mentioned that you guys are

921
00:42:27,960 --> 00:42:30,239
Speaker 1: open and you guys have your own individental you do

922
00:42:30,320 --> 00:42:34,480
Speaker 1: that separately. And obviously with COVID happening and that, I

923
00:42:34,520 --> 00:42:36,879
Speaker 1: mean dating and all those things was oh not really

924
00:42:37,000 --> 00:42:39,640
Speaker 1: terrible and non existent we had and so there was

925
00:42:39,680 --> 00:42:42,120
Speaker 1: really like you really couldn't even entertain that, like you

926
00:42:42,320 --> 00:42:46,120
Speaker 1: really had to. Yeah, And because this was not necessarily

927
00:42:46,239 --> 00:42:49,680
Speaker 1: his choice, what was that like for him? Like this

928
00:42:49,800 --> 00:42:52,480
Speaker 1: he did? He? I mean, I'm assuming I think whenever

929
00:42:52,480 --> 00:42:54,600
Speaker 1: you choose yourself, it's never a bad choice, right, Like

930
00:42:54,680 --> 00:42:57,160
Speaker 1: that's right. But I think and I don't want to

931
00:42:57,200 --> 00:42:58,880
Speaker 1: say that he didn't choose himself, but you kind of

932
00:42:58,880 --> 00:43:01,480
Speaker 1: helped him do that, Yeah, made him have to kind

933
00:43:01,480 --> 00:43:01,960
Speaker 1: of do that.

934
00:43:02,360 --> 00:43:05,319
Speaker 4: Yeah, I sort of forced him into choosing himself. I mean,

935
00:43:05,360 --> 00:43:09,359
Speaker 4: he wasn't like adamantly against it. He was concerned. And

936
00:43:09,560 --> 00:43:11,960
Speaker 4: I was also concerned because I didn't know what the

937
00:43:11,960 --> 00:43:13,640
Speaker 4: fuck we were doing. I just was sort of being

938
00:43:13,719 --> 00:43:17,640
Speaker 4: guided by intuition with it. But in the end, when

939
00:43:17,680 --> 00:43:21,200
Speaker 4: we were really starting to like pack up things and

940
00:43:21,320 --> 00:43:23,920
Speaker 4: like formulate the plan of where he was going to go,

941
00:43:24,040 --> 00:43:26,279
Speaker 4: he was really excited. He was like, yeah, you know,

942
00:43:26,440 --> 00:43:30,839
Speaker 4: I've been with you for thirteen fourteen years. I kind

943
00:43:30,880 --> 00:43:33,520
Speaker 4: of forgot who I am outside of this relationship, and

944
00:43:33,560 --> 00:43:35,640
Speaker 4: I think that this is going to be really good

945
00:43:35,640 --> 00:43:38,640
Speaker 4: for me to focus on myself as well. And so

946
00:43:39,440 --> 00:43:42,640
Speaker 4: and I love that about him. You know, he got

947
00:43:42,680 --> 00:43:45,560
Speaker 4: into therapy and was like seeing his therapist once a

948
00:43:45,600 --> 00:43:48,560
Speaker 4: week and he was healing his body and creating relationships

949
00:43:48,600 --> 00:43:53,480
Speaker 4: with friends and really analyzing you know, his own party

950
00:43:53,520 --> 00:43:57,320
Speaker 4: and being like white supremacist, patriarchal capitalist society. My partner

951
00:43:57,360 --> 00:44:00,359
Speaker 4: is white, so like that that is a really I'm

952
00:44:00,440 --> 00:44:02,880
Speaker 4: glad that we took that time because it really allowed

953
00:44:02,960 --> 00:44:05,440
Speaker 4: us both to work on ourselves, and then when we

954
00:44:05,520 --> 00:44:09,680
Speaker 4: came together, it was like a totally different relationship. You know,

955
00:44:09,920 --> 00:44:12,920
Speaker 4: Like I felt, I felt like I was one hundred

956
00:44:12,960 --> 00:44:16,319
Speaker 4: percent strong in who I was, what I wanted, what

957
00:44:16,400 --> 00:44:19,160
Speaker 4: I needed, and I felt that he also came to

958
00:44:19,200 --> 00:44:21,399
Speaker 4: me with that, and then we just decided, let's create

959
00:44:21,440 --> 00:44:23,360
Speaker 4: something new from this from this place. So it was

960
00:44:23,440 --> 00:44:25,240
Speaker 4: it was really wonderful. That was really great.

961
00:44:25,719 --> 00:44:27,760
Speaker 1: I know that you've also talked about being an ace,

962
00:44:28,560 --> 00:44:30,880
Speaker 1: and I'd never heard that term before. Oh really No,

963
00:44:30,960 --> 00:44:33,040
Speaker 1: I'd never heard that term before. I've learned so much

964
00:44:33,040 --> 00:44:36,040
Speaker 1: on this in this space, honestly, And you did this

965
00:44:36,160 --> 00:44:38,719
Speaker 1: reel which I thought was really it shed a lot

966
00:44:38,800 --> 00:44:41,120
Speaker 1: of perspective on it. And if you guys don't know

967
00:44:41,160 --> 00:44:44,440
Speaker 1: what an ass I mean, AX, someone who's someone asexual.

968
00:44:44,800 --> 00:44:47,320
Speaker 1: And you were like, what, like how people view someone

969
00:44:47,360 --> 00:44:49,640
Speaker 1: who says they're asexual? And it's like you're like all

970
00:44:49,719 --> 00:44:52,680
Speaker 1: frumpy and shit and you're not like sexy and you

971
00:44:52,680 --> 00:44:55,239
Speaker 1: look let you know, and and then and then you

972
00:44:55,320 --> 00:44:58,960
Speaker 1: came out you're like, you know, sensual and beautiful, and

973
00:44:59,000 --> 00:45:01,040
Speaker 1: I think that I yes, I've never met anyone that

974
00:45:01,120 --> 00:45:04,040
Speaker 1: identifies as would you be identifying as that?

975
00:45:04,360 --> 00:45:08,560
Speaker 4: Or yeah, it's a sexual identity or a sexual orientation

976
00:45:08,800 --> 00:45:09,479
Speaker 4: I guess. Yeah.

977
00:45:09,560 --> 00:45:12,200
Speaker 1: Can you explain to our listeners a little bit more

978
00:45:12,239 --> 00:45:15,920
Speaker 1: about what that means and how you came to this

979
00:45:16,000 --> 00:45:16,399
Speaker 1: as well.

980
00:45:16,640 --> 00:45:19,680
Speaker 4: Yeah, So to be ace is to be someone who

981
00:45:19,760 --> 00:45:24,160
Speaker 4: is asexual, and so an asexual person is a person

982
00:45:24,280 --> 00:45:28,920
Speaker 4: that is on a spectrum of sexuality. I think our

983
00:45:29,000 --> 00:45:31,920
Speaker 4: culture has taught us that a person who is a

984
00:45:32,000 --> 00:45:34,520
Speaker 4: sexual means that they do not have sex, they hate

985
00:45:34,520 --> 00:45:37,919
Speaker 4: having sex. They're literally sex repulsed, and there are ACE

986
00:45:37,960 --> 00:45:41,600
Speaker 4: folks who have that experience, but there are also ACE

987
00:45:41,640 --> 00:45:46,200
Speaker 4: people like myself who have sex, like having sex, but

988
00:45:46,520 --> 00:45:51,520
Speaker 4: don't approach sex from this space that I think culture

989
00:45:51,719 --> 00:45:54,200
Speaker 4: and media has taught us that like, you get horny

990
00:45:54,360 --> 00:45:58,160
Speaker 4: and you have sex immediately, Like for me, I don't

991
00:45:58,200 --> 00:46:01,040
Speaker 4: really get horny. I mean, and I have a desire

992
00:46:01,080 --> 00:46:02,960
Speaker 4: for sex, but it doesn't look like let's rip my

993
00:46:03,000 --> 00:46:05,680
Speaker 4: clothes off and go like it's there's a nuance to

994
00:46:05,680 --> 00:46:08,640
Speaker 4: my sexuality as opposed to being like let's fucking get

995
00:46:08,640 --> 00:46:11,200
Speaker 4: it on, or like I don't want to have sex

996
00:46:11,239 --> 00:46:13,880
Speaker 4: at all. So I think that's like the most important

997
00:46:13,920 --> 00:46:16,160
Speaker 4: thing that I want to stress about. A sexuality is

998
00:46:16,360 --> 00:46:18,319
Speaker 4: for so long people have seen it as it's an

999
00:46:18,320 --> 00:46:20,799
Speaker 4: either black or white thing, and it's actually a spectrum,

1000
00:46:21,120 --> 00:46:23,400
Speaker 4: and a lot of people fall on that spectrum, a

1001
00:46:23,400 --> 00:46:27,319
Speaker 4: lot more people than I think people realize. I think

1002
00:46:27,320 --> 00:46:29,200
Speaker 4: there was at least when I was coming up into

1003
00:46:29,560 --> 00:46:32,520
Speaker 4: the sex education space, it was like only one percent

1004
00:46:32,640 --> 00:46:35,600
Speaker 4: of people are asexual, and I don't think that that's true.

1005
00:46:35,640 --> 00:46:37,640
Speaker 4: I think there's actually a lot more people, especially if

1006
00:46:37,640 --> 00:46:41,200
Speaker 4: you see it within that spectrum. And yeah, I identify

1007
00:46:41,239 --> 00:46:44,640
Speaker 4: as someone who is demi sexual. Y'all can look that up. Basically,

1008
00:46:44,680 --> 00:46:47,520
Speaker 4: a demi sexual is someone who can only have sex

1009
00:46:47,600 --> 00:46:50,440
Speaker 4: with people if they have an emotional connection with them.

1010
00:46:50,560 --> 00:46:53,200
Speaker 4: So casual sex is not for me. Learn that the

1011
00:46:53,200 --> 00:46:55,080
Speaker 4: hard way. I try to have a ho phase. It

1012
00:46:55,120 --> 00:46:59,799
Speaker 4: did not work, and my journey to that was a

1013
00:46:59,760 --> 00:47:02,320
Speaker 4: little difficult because I think, you know, we're talking a

1014
00:47:02,360 --> 00:47:05,879
Speaker 4: little bit earlier about sexual liberation is like freedom fuck

1015
00:47:05,920 --> 00:47:08,040
Speaker 4: all the time. I get to fuck and have all

1016
00:47:08,040 --> 00:47:11,280
Speaker 4: the sex that I want. And I definitely fell underneath

1017
00:47:11,320 --> 00:47:14,200
Speaker 4: that pressure of like, Okay, I'm grown. That means I

1018
00:47:14,200 --> 00:47:16,160
Speaker 4: can have all the sex that I want and I

1019
00:47:16,200 --> 00:47:18,360
Speaker 4: need to be having sex all the time. And so

1020
00:47:18,480 --> 00:47:21,400
Speaker 4: this idea that I could be asexual was like no, no, no,

1021
00:47:21,400 --> 00:47:24,719
Speaker 4: that's like that's that's not liberation. In my work, I

1022
00:47:24,760 --> 00:47:27,440
Speaker 4: have now seen that sexual liberation is not about how

1023
00:47:27,480 --> 00:47:30,120
Speaker 4: much sex you have, or who you have sex with,

1024
00:47:30,200 --> 00:47:32,279
Speaker 4: or how many times you have sex in a day,

1025
00:47:32,400 --> 00:47:35,080
Speaker 4: but it's really about you being at peace with who

1026
00:47:35,120 --> 00:47:37,719
Speaker 4: you are as a sexual being, no matter where you

1027
00:47:37,760 --> 00:47:39,879
Speaker 4: are that day. Like if that is like I don't

1028
00:47:39,920 --> 00:47:42,760
Speaker 4: want sex thinking about sex, my sexuality is a furthest

1029
00:47:42,760 --> 00:47:46,040
Speaker 4: thing from my mind, like that is sexual liberation because

1030
00:47:46,040 --> 00:47:48,359
Speaker 4: you were honoring who you are as a sexual being.

1031
00:47:48,840 --> 00:47:51,799
Speaker 4: I would much rather be someone who is able to say, like,

1032
00:47:52,160 --> 00:47:55,200
Speaker 4: I'm not interested in sex right now, then override my

1033
00:47:55,239 --> 00:47:58,719
Speaker 4: body and continue this this cycle of harming myself and

1034
00:47:58,800 --> 00:48:01,759
Speaker 4: violating my body, which is going to disassociate me from it.

1035
00:48:02,239 --> 00:48:03,920
Speaker 4: So there's a lot in there. I don't know if

1036
00:48:03,920 --> 00:48:05,160
Speaker 4: I answer your question, no.

1037
00:48:05,000 --> 00:48:05,440
Speaker 1: No, you did?

1038
00:48:05,800 --> 00:48:06,000
Speaker 2: You know?

1039
00:48:06,040 --> 00:48:08,640
Speaker 1: I think that people there's so many misconceptions around women

1040
00:48:08,680 --> 00:48:12,960
Speaker 1: who are sex educators or are leading the way for

1041
00:48:13,040 --> 00:48:15,759
Speaker 1: women to kind of tap into their sensuality or sexuality,

1042
00:48:15,760 --> 00:48:17,520
Speaker 1: and they assume that you just must be out here

1043
00:48:17,560 --> 00:48:18,319
Speaker 1: fucking you know.

1044
00:48:18,600 --> 00:48:20,279
Speaker 4: Yeah, that's one of the reasons why I wanted to

1045
00:48:20,280 --> 00:48:23,080
Speaker 4: come out as a sexual, to like really smash this

1046
00:48:23,200 --> 00:48:26,000
Speaker 4: perception because people are always thinking that I'm having orgies

1047
00:48:26,040 --> 00:48:26,920
Speaker 4: all the time, and I'm like.

1048
00:48:26,960 --> 00:48:27,719
Speaker 3: I wish.

1049
00:48:27,800 --> 00:48:30,479
Speaker 4: I mean, I've got shit to do, man, I don't

1050
00:48:30,480 --> 00:48:32,680
Speaker 4: have time for orgies and stuff like that.

1051
00:48:33,120 --> 00:48:34,040
Speaker 3: So, yeah, it was it.

1052
00:48:33,960 --> 00:48:36,800
Speaker 1: Important that your partner also identify as that or is it? No?

1053
00:48:37,160 --> 00:48:40,200
Speaker 4: I mean I think it can be difficult. I've certainly

1054
00:48:40,560 --> 00:48:43,600
Speaker 4: know that, and even when I came out as ACE.

1055
00:48:44,880 --> 00:48:48,359
Speaker 4: People were sort of telling their horror stories of like

1056
00:48:48,480 --> 00:48:50,520
Speaker 4: they came out to ACE or came out as ACE

1057
00:48:50,560 --> 00:48:52,120
Speaker 4: to their partner of three years and then they broke

1058
00:48:52,200 --> 00:48:55,719
Speaker 4: up with them. So there's a lot of asphobia out there.

1059
00:48:55,800 --> 00:48:57,799
Speaker 4: Like people just hear that word and they're like, oh,

1060
00:48:57,840 --> 00:48:59,439
Speaker 4: so you're never going to have sex with me again.

1061
00:48:59,480 --> 00:49:01,759
Speaker 4: Then well it's like, bro, I've been with you for

1062
00:49:01,760 --> 00:49:04,440
Speaker 4: three years. We've been having the same ship, Like it's

1063
00:49:04,480 --> 00:49:07,919
Speaker 4: literally the same. I'm just identifying as something. So yeah,

1064
00:49:07,960 --> 00:49:10,759
Speaker 4: there's a lot of misconceptions about what a sexuality is,

1065
00:49:10,800 --> 00:49:13,520
Speaker 4: and I think that's one of the reasons why. And also,

1066
00:49:13,640 --> 00:49:15,560
Speaker 4: you know, we put a lot of pressure on a

1067
00:49:15,600 --> 00:49:19,200
Speaker 4: relationship to have sex, Like the whole point of being

1068
00:49:19,200 --> 00:49:22,520
Speaker 4: in a romantic relationship is to have sex with someone, which,

1069
00:49:22,560 --> 00:49:24,279
Speaker 4: you know, if that's your thing, that's your thing. But

1070
00:49:24,560 --> 00:49:28,320
Speaker 4: there's so many different aspects to my relationship that isn't sexual.

1071
00:49:28,400 --> 00:49:30,160
Speaker 4: Like I'm with my partner not because of the sex

1072
00:49:30,200 --> 00:49:32,600
Speaker 4: that we have, but because he's a really good person

1073
00:49:32,719 --> 00:49:34,600
Speaker 4: and he's one of my best friends, and he is

1074
00:49:34,960 --> 00:49:37,880
Speaker 4: a caregiver. Also he allows me to caretake him, Like

1075
00:49:38,080 --> 00:49:41,120
Speaker 4: we have a dynamic that isn't solely based on the

1076
00:49:41,160 --> 00:49:44,239
Speaker 4: sex we have, And I feel very lucky that you

1077
00:49:44,239 --> 00:49:46,680
Speaker 4: know me coming out as ACE. My partner didn't run

1078
00:49:46,719 --> 00:49:48,719
Speaker 4: for the hills. He was more like, that makes a

1079
00:49:48,719 --> 00:49:51,600
Speaker 4: lot of sense because you know, based on how long

1080
00:49:51,640 --> 00:49:53,880
Speaker 4: we've been together and based on the way that you

1081
00:49:53,920 --> 00:49:56,319
Speaker 4: approach sex in our relationship, it would make sense that

1082
00:49:56,360 --> 00:49:59,280
Speaker 4: you're ACE because I think one of the easiest ways

1083
00:49:59,280 --> 00:50:01,719
Speaker 4: that I can explain it is that my sexuality isn't

1084
00:50:01,719 --> 00:50:04,520
Speaker 4: easily accessible, Like it's not. And I think that's one

1085
00:50:04,560 --> 00:50:06,319
Speaker 4: of the things that trips people up about who I

1086
00:50:06,360 --> 00:50:09,080
Speaker 4: am because and I've experienced this actually when I was

1087
00:50:09,840 --> 00:50:13,160
Speaker 4: dating in our open relationship, folks would know who I

1088
00:50:13,360 --> 00:50:16,879
Speaker 4: was because I have a presence online and so they're like, ooh,

1089
00:50:16,960 --> 00:50:19,480
Speaker 4: having sex educator, so we're going to have all the

1090
00:50:19,520 --> 00:50:22,319
Speaker 4: sex with all the sex toys, and they would get

1091
00:50:22,360 --> 00:50:23,200
Speaker 4: really disappointed.

1092
00:50:23,239 --> 00:50:25,399
Speaker 1: Oh my god, I just had a visual of you

1093
00:50:25,480 --> 00:50:28,360
Speaker 1: like going up going to someone's house, yeah, like laying

1094
00:50:28,360 --> 00:50:30,719
Speaker 1: everything out and like wanting to impress you and you

1095
00:50:30,800 --> 00:50:34,520
Speaker 1: being like nope, nope, yeah, Like it literally a really

1096
00:50:34,560 --> 00:50:35,200
Speaker 1: great example.

1097
00:50:35,239 --> 00:50:37,080
Speaker 4: It took me three weeks, which may not be a

1098
00:50:37,080 --> 00:50:39,200
Speaker 4: lot for folks but it took me three weeks to

1099
00:50:39,239 --> 00:50:41,600
Speaker 4: have sex with my partner when we first started dating.

1100
00:50:41,880 --> 00:50:44,920
Speaker 4: And I started dating someone outside of my partner when

1101
00:50:44,920 --> 00:50:48,359
Speaker 4: we were in an open relationship, and she was like, yeah,

1102
00:50:48,400 --> 00:50:50,840
Speaker 4: so we've been dating for like two weeks, why haven't

1103
00:50:50,920 --> 00:50:53,160
Speaker 4: you like had sex with me? And I'm like, girl,

1104
00:50:53,600 --> 00:50:55,560
Speaker 4: I mean that's who I am, Like it takes me

1105
00:50:55,600 --> 00:50:58,560
Speaker 4: a little bit, so like, that's something that I feel

1106
00:50:58,960 --> 00:51:02,239
Speaker 4: is really frustrating about being a sex educator or just

1107
00:51:02,280 --> 00:51:04,400
Speaker 4: like being in the space where I'm talking about sex

1108
00:51:04,480 --> 00:51:08,279
Speaker 4: a lot, people automatically assume that your sexuality is going

1109
00:51:08,320 --> 00:51:10,120
Speaker 4: to be accessible to me, and all I have to

1110
00:51:10,160 --> 00:51:12,440
Speaker 4: do is like sweet talk. You buy you some dinner,

1111
00:51:12,880 --> 00:51:15,440
Speaker 4: tell you that you're beautiful, and your legs will open,

1112
00:51:15,440 --> 00:51:16,920
Speaker 4: and it's like, no, you got to work for it,

1113
00:51:17,360 --> 00:51:19,680
Speaker 4: and I will make you work for it, especially if

1114
00:51:19,719 --> 00:51:21,000
Speaker 4: I get that energy from you.

1115
00:51:22,760 --> 00:51:25,440
Speaker 1: Do you think that are you identifying as ACE or

1116
00:51:25,480 --> 00:51:27,319
Speaker 1: even people that are identify as as that are that

1117
00:51:27,360 --> 00:51:29,800
Speaker 1: are like farther on the spectrum of like being repulsed

1118
00:51:29,840 --> 00:51:32,440
Speaker 1: by sex, Is it rooted in sexual trauma?

1119
00:51:32,520 --> 00:51:35,640
Speaker 4: I think it can be, and I think it also

1120
00:51:35,800 --> 00:51:38,359
Speaker 4: doesn't have to be. I think one of the things

1121
00:51:38,400 --> 00:51:43,360
Speaker 4: that happens with ACE folks and asexuality in general, is

1122
00:51:43,480 --> 00:51:46,200
Speaker 4: our minds immediately go to what happened to you to

1123
00:51:46,239 --> 00:51:49,480
Speaker 4: make you like that, Like sex is natural. Everybody should

1124
00:51:49,480 --> 00:51:51,839
Speaker 4: have sex, So if you're not having it and you're

1125
00:51:51,880 --> 00:51:54,160
Speaker 4: not desiring it, that means that there's something wrong with you.

1126
00:51:55,000 --> 00:51:57,799
Speaker 4: I just illustrated what it means to be in a

1127
00:51:57,800 --> 00:52:01,359
Speaker 4: compulsory sexuality type of world, which is this belief that

1128
00:52:01,480 --> 00:52:05,280
Speaker 4: everybody should be sexual. Like from standard, everyone should be sexual,

1129
00:52:05,320 --> 00:52:07,759
Speaker 4: everyone should be horny having all kinds of sex, and

1130
00:52:07,800 --> 00:52:10,400
Speaker 4: if you're not, then there's something wrong with you. And

1131
00:52:10,440 --> 00:52:14,480
Speaker 4: with a sexuality, we are creating a different way of

1132
00:52:14,520 --> 00:52:17,400
Speaker 4: seeing our sex lives and our sexual selves as being

1133
00:52:17,440 --> 00:52:20,200
Speaker 4: like we're a lot more nuanced than that, Like it's

1134
00:52:20,239 --> 00:52:23,000
Speaker 4: not there are many different types to be sexual, just

1135
00:52:23,040 --> 00:52:25,480
Speaker 4: as there are many different types to be human. And

1136
00:52:25,560 --> 00:52:28,880
Speaker 4: so I don't like to touch It's not that I

1137
00:52:28,920 --> 00:52:30,839
Speaker 4: don't like to touch it, it's more like I don't

1138
00:52:30,920 --> 00:52:35,480
Speaker 4: want to accentuate that. Like, yes, a sexuality comes from

1139
00:52:35,520 --> 00:52:38,200
Speaker 4: people who have been sexually traumatized, because I'm sure people

1140
00:52:38,200 --> 00:52:39,759
Speaker 4: could listen to my story and be like, well, that's

1141
00:52:39,800 --> 00:52:41,920
Speaker 4: the reason why that you know she's Ace is because

1142
00:52:42,000 --> 00:52:45,359
Speaker 4: you know she had sexual violation or whatever, and that

1143
00:52:45,400 --> 00:52:48,920
Speaker 4: could be the case maybe or not. Either way, I'm Ace,

1144
00:52:49,040 --> 00:52:51,000
Speaker 4: and that's like, there's nothing wrong with that, you know.

1145
00:52:51,360 --> 00:52:52,759
Speaker 1: I think I'm Ace sometimes.

1146
00:52:53,440 --> 00:52:54,520
Speaker 4: Can I recommend a book?

1147
00:52:54,560 --> 00:52:56,000
Speaker 1: I think I'm sometimes Ace? Yeah?

1148
00:52:56,120 --> 00:52:56,880
Speaker 4: Can I recommend it?

1149
00:52:56,960 --> 00:52:59,480
Speaker 1: Burt? You? I am. There are times where I'm like,

1150
00:52:59,480 --> 00:53:00,080
Speaker 1: I don't, I'm going.

1151
00:53:00,200 --> 00:53:02,799
Speaker 4: I don't really get Yeah, I mean one of the A.

1152
00:53:03,120 --> 00:53:05,360
Speaker 1: And I'm not like always sexually accessible. I mean, I

1153
00:53:05,400 --> 00:53:08,200
Speaker 1: don't know if that's I don't know if that's a yeah,

1154
00:53:08,600 --> 00:53:12,400
Speaker 1: characteristic of Ace. I think that's just a characteristic of colectiveness.

1155
00:53:12,600 --> 00:53:14,440
Speaker 3: I think. So, I mean, I can be.

1156
00:53:14,400 --> 00:53:16,360
Speaker 1: Selective and then there's times where you know, I'm not,

1157
00:53:16,760 --> 00:53:19,360
Speaker 1: you know, like in Costa Rica, but that.

1158
00:53:19,480 --> 00:53:22,239
Speaker 3: Was a selection that was selective. They're like, we selected,

1159
00:53:22,800 --> 00:53:23,560
Speaker 3: we did.

1160
00:53:24,160 --> 00:53:26,280
Speaker 4: There's actually a great book that I'd love to recommend

1161
00:53:26,280 --> 00:53:29,880
Speaker 4: to folks. It's called Ace. It's by Angela Chin. Highly

1162
00:53:29,880 --> 00:53:32,120
Speaker 4: recommend it. Y'all should pick it up to. It's not

1163
00:53:32,280 --> 00:53:35,120
Speaker 4: just a book for people who are on the A spectrum.

1164
00:53:35,200 --> 00:53:40,439
Speaker 4: It's literally a really great book that interrogates are sex

1165
00:53:40,480 --> 00:53:43,759
Speaker 4: obsessed and also sex negative culture that we live in

1166
00:53:44,200 --> 00:53:46,840
Speaker 4: and the ways that these messages that are put upon

1167
00:53:46,920 --> 00:53:49,920
Speaker 4: us about like you need to be sexy and you

1168
00:53:49,960 --> 00:53:51,520
Speaker 4: need to be sexual, and this is the type of

1169
00:53:51,560 --> 00:53:53,040
Speaker 4: sex you need to have and blah blah blah, Like

1170
00:53:53,160 --> 00:53:55,920
Speaker 4: it really just goes deep into like that's not the

1171
00:53:55,960 --> 00:53:58,680
Speaker 4: reality for everyone, and like why are we putting this

1172
00:53:59,160 --> 00:54:02,879
Speaker 4: presumption onto people that they should be sexual when they

1173
00:54:02,880 --> 00:54:04,560
Speaker 4: don't have to be if they don't want to be,

1174
00:54:04,840 --> 00:54:06,120
Speaker 4: you know, So I recommend that book.

1175
00:54:06,200 --> 00:54:07,879
Speaker 1: Yeah, no, I think there's so many women I'm sure

1176
00:54:07,880 --> 00:54:10,760
Speaker 1: listening right now that are like, oh shit, this sounds

1177
00:54:10,800 --> 00:54:13,160
Speaker 1: like me, you know, and like and there there is

1178
00:54:13,200 --> 00:54:15,440
Speaker 1: so much shame attached to, you know, not wanting to

1179
00:54:15,520 --> 00:54:17,640
Speaker 1: have sex, like what's wrong with your libido? Like are

1180
00:54:17,680 --> 00:54:18,080
Speaker 1: you are?

1181
00:54:18,080 --> 00:54:18,200
Speaker 4: You?

1182
00:54:18,800 --> 00:54:21,080
Speaker 1: Are your diets fucked up? You're not eating enough, You're

1183
00:54:21,120 --> 00:54:22,960
Speaker 1: not doing this, You're not doing that, Like you're not

1184
00:54:23,000 --> 00:54:25,480
Speaker 1: masturbating enough, You're not you know, there's all these different

1185
00:54:25,520 --> 00:54:29,600
Speaker 1: things that society puts, especially on women. Of course, I

1186
00:54:29,600 --> 00:54:32,000
Speaker 1: think men to experience this as well too. Oh yeah,

1187
00:54:32,040 --> 00:54:35,319
Speaker 1: And honestly it must be even it might almost be

1188
00:54:35,360 --> 00:54:37,279
Speaker 1: harder for men because men are like.

1189
00:54:37,600 --> 00:54:40,359
Speaker 2: Supposed to be like come get it, come take it,

1190
00:54:40,520 --> 00:54:43,600
Speaker 2: like like the aggressor in the bedroom, and and I

1191
00:54:43,680 --> 00:54:46,239
Speaker 2: mean I'm guilty of it. I dated someone who was

1192
00:54:46,360 --> 00:54:48,799
Speaker 2: not very sexual and I literally was like, what the

1193
00:54:48,800 --> 00:54:49,600
Speaker 2: fuck is wrong with you?

1194
00:54:49,800 --> 00:54:50,120
Speaker 1: Yeah?

1195
00:54:50,200 --> 00:54:52,080
Speaker 2: I literally was like, why are you forty four and

1196
00:54:52,120 --> 00:54:54,399
Speaker 2: you're not trying to fuck me? Like it didn't add

1197
00:54:54,480 --> 00:54:57,279
Speaker 2: up in my mind. But even having this conversation, it's

1198
00:54:57,320 --> 00:55:00,759
Speaker 2: really making me like to be mindful of like your

1199
00:55:00,800 --> 00:55:04,000
Speaker 2: actual wants is definitely a process, you know what I mean,

1200
00:55:04,160 --> 00:55:07,600
Speaker 2: Like what are my actual wants versus am I doing?

1201
00:55:07,680 --> 00:55:10,239
Speaker 2: Am I is it performative? Like am I showing up

1202
00:55:10,320 --> 00:55:12,800
Speaker 2: and wanting to have sex because it gives me validation?

1203
00:55:13,280 --> 00:55:14,840
Speaker 2: You know, if you have sex with me, then I

1204
00:55:14,840 --> 00:55:17,120
Speaker 2: feel validated in a relationship that you're attracted to me

1205
00:55:17,160 --> 00:55:20,320
Speaker 2: and that a relationship is going well. But like even

1206
00:55:20,600 --> 00:55:22,560
Speaker 2: for me, like I know, I have a lot of

1207
00:55:22,640 --> 00:55:24,640
Speaker 2: confused thoughts of sex. We talk about this shit all

1208
00:55:24,640 --> 00:55:26,400
Speaker 2: the time, like am I having sex because I'm empowered?

1209
00:55:26,440 --> 00:55:29,600
Speaker 2: I'm having sex because I'm traumatized and filling a void?

1210
00:55:29,880 --> 00:55:32,359
Speaker 2: You know, it's a constant like I'm having to check

1211
00:55:32,360 --> 00:55:34,759
Speaker 2: in with myself. But the truth is is that I've

1212
00:55:34,800 --> 00:55:38,160
Speaker 2: been clouded with so many ideas and thoughts and beliefs

1213
00:55:38,200 --> 00:55:40,319
Speaker 2: that is going to take a very long time to

1214
00:55:40,320 --> 00:55:42,279
Speaker 2: get to the bottom of that. Like even the other day,

1215
00:55:42,280 --> 00:55:44,879
Speaker 2: I was having sex with like my fuck buddy, and

1216
00:55:45,160 --> 00:55:46,920
Speaker 2: I thought I was gonna leave after he had sex,

1217
00:55:47,000 --> 00:55:49,200
Speaker 2: and he didn't. He like laid in the bed and

1218
00:55:49,239 --> 00:55:52,239
Speaker 2: fell asleep, and I was like so confused. And then

1219
00:55:52,280 --> 00:55:53,719
Speaker 2: I was like, is something wrong with me? Like why

1220
00:55:53,760 --> 00:55:55,960
Speaker 2: am I such a cold bitch? I'm like he could

1221
00:55:56,040 --> 00:55:58,040
Speaker 2: lay there, but he was snoring. It was irritating me,

1222
00:55:58,280 --> 00:56:01,040
Speaker 2: and I was like, oh, but also I was having

1223
00:56:01,040 --> 00:56:02,680
Speaker 2: all I was high, but I was like having all

1224
00:56:02,680 --> 00:56:04,799
Speaker 2: these thoughts like am I having Like do.

1225
00:56:04,800 --> 00:56:07,360
Speaker 3: I need to have a like deeper connection to this man? No,

1226
00:56:07,480 --> 00:56:08,839
Speaker 3: he's nice. Sex is good.

1227
00:56:09,040 --> 00:56:11,040
Speaker 2: I was literally laying in the bed while he was snoring.

1228
00:56:11,040 --> 00:56:12,400
Speaker 2: I was pissed because I couldn't go to sleep. But

1229
00:56:12,440 --> 00:56:15,640
Speaker 2: then I was like literally digging deep into my feelings

1230
00:56:15,640 --> 00:56:17,080
Speaker 2: over me having sex, like.

1231
00:56:17,040 --> 00:56:19,000
Speaker 3: It was good, sex was good? Did I have to

1232
00:56:19,000 --> 00:56:20,480
Speaker 3: do that? Can I have just took in my ass

1233
00:56:20,480 --> 00:56:20,719
Speaker 3: to sleep?

1234
00:56:20,760 --> 00:56:21,040
Speaker 2: Could it?

1235
00:56:21,400 --> 00:56:22,040
Speaker 1: But he did it?

1236
00:56:22,040 --> 00:56:24,000
Speaker 2: Like I was really weighing back and forth, But this

1237
00:56:24,040 --> 00:56:27,600
Speaker 2: has been my experience in my sexuality for a long time,

1238
00:56:27,719 --> 00:56:31,760
Speaker 2: Like even in college being in my super whole hoole phase,

1239
00:56:31,920 --> 00:56:35,080
Speaker 2: just fucking I knew that something was wrong. I was like,

1240
00:56:35,520 --> 00:56:37,080
Speaker 2: there was a time I was like, bitch, why are

1241
00:56:37,080 --> 00:56:39,160
Speaker 2: you doing this? Like and I'm like, and I asked

1242
00:56:39,160 --> 00:56:39,839
Speaker 2: my aunt, like, do you think.

1243
00:56:39,719 --> 00:56:41,960
Speaker 3: I should get hypnotized? You think I'm like, I think

1244
00:56:41,960 --> 00:56:43,399
Speaker 3: that's what trauma I need to work through.

1245
00:56:43,680 --> 00:56:48,480
Speaker 2: But it's been a constant inner conversation about whether or

1246
00:56:48,560 --> 00:56:52,160
Speaker 2: not I'm having sex genuinely because I want to or

1247
00:56:52,280 --> 00:56:54,160
Speaker 2: you know what I mean. It's just such a clouded

1248
00:56:54,239 --> 00:56:58,240
Speaker 2: voice because obviously, like my body at some point enjoys

1249
00:56:58,280 --> 00:57:02,920
Speaker 2: it and you climax, I hope, But like, also, is

1250
00:57:02,960 --> 00:57:05,799
Speaker 2: it like a feel like an autopilot feeling of like

1251
00:57:06,160 --> 00:57:08,560
Speaker 2: oh this plus this equals good, you know what I mean?

1252
00:57:08,600 --> 00:57:10,600
Speaker 2: But like, is it something I actually need to have

1253
00:57:10,760 --> 00:57:13,359
Speaker 2: or do? I probably could probably pleasure myself and then

1254
00:57:13,480 --> 00:57:13,839
Speaker 2: be good.

1255
00:57:14,480 --> 00:57:20,480
Speaker 4: Yeah, coming to those realizations of like do I actually

1256
00:57:20,840 --> 00:57:23,800
Speaker 4: want to do this or is this something that I've

1257
00:57:23,880 --> 00:57:26,800
Speaker 4: been told I should do? And is this something that

1258
00:57:26,880 --> 00:57:29,360
Speaker 4: I actually like or is this something that I've been

1259
00:57:29,400 --> 00:57:32,919
Speaker 4: told I should like? Like that just like can blow

1260
00:57:32,960 --> 00:57:35,200
Speaker 4: your mind. This is making me think of a story

1261
00:57:35,400 --> 00:57:37,280
Speaker 4: of a client that I worked with recently. We worked

1262
00:57:37,280 --> 00:57:39,920
Speaker 4: with each other a few years ago, and then we

1263
00:57:39,960 --> 00:57:42,280
Speaker 4: worked with each other again this most recent time this year,

1264
00:57:42,680 --> 00:57:45,160
Speaker 4: and the first time we worked together, she came to

1265
00:57:45,200 --> 00:57:48,960
Speaker 4: me and was like, I'm in my mid twenties. I

1266
00:57:49,040 --> 00:57:52,640
Speaker 4: am not having sex. I don't desire sex, but I

1267
00:57:52,840 --> 00:57:55,320
Speaker 4: want to because when I was in college, I was

1268
00:57:55,360 --> 00:57:57,280
Speaker 4: fucking all the time, I was having one night stance,

1269
00:57:57,320 --> 00:58:00,120
Speaker 4: I was having a gay time. It was so much fun.

1270
00:58:00,280 --> 00:58:01,920
Speaker 4: So I want to get back to her. And so,

1271
00:58:02,600 --> 00:58:04,880
Speaker 4: you know, the work that we did together was just exploring,

1272
00:58:04,920 --> 00:58:06,880
Speaker 4: like what was going on for you during that time,

1273
00:58:06,960 --> 00:58:09,600
Speaker 4: and perhaps you're a little bit more confident in your body,

1274
00:58:09,720 --> 00:58:11,760
Speaker 4: and you know, you're younger, so you didn't maybe have

1275
00:58:11,840 --> 00:58:15,920
Speaker 4: as many responsibilities. So we were just exploring that. And

1276
00:58:15,960 --> 00:58:18,880
Speaker 4: then fast forward to like maybe five years later, we

1277
00:58:18,920 --> 00:58:21,880
Speaker 4: worked together again and she kind of came back with

1278
00:58:21,920 --> 00:58:25,560
Speaker 4: the same thing, like, I am not having sex. I

1279
00:58:25,640 --> 00:58:27,840
Speaker 4: don't know how I just sort of fell off from

1280
00:58:27,960 --> 00:58:29,520
Speaker 4: you know, the work that we did. I want to

1281
00:58:29,520 --> 00:58:33,560
Speaker 4: get that part of me back. And long story short,

1282
00:58:33,720 --> 00:58:37,520
Speaker 4: we realized that she was actually asexual, and this version

1283
00:58:37,560 --> 00:58:39,800
Speaker 4: of herself that she was trying to get back to

1284
00:58:40,120 --> 00:58:42,600
Speaker 4: was a farce. It was an illusion. She wasn't having

1285
00:58:42,640 --> 00:58:45,320
Speaker 4: sex with these people because she wanted to. She wasn't

1286
00:58:45,320 --> 00:58:48,680
Speaker 4: having sex with these people because her body had a

1287
00:58:48,760 --> 00:58:51,520
Speaker 4: desire to have sex with these people. She was having

1288
00:58:51,520 --> 00:58:54,480
Speaker 4: sex because that's what society told her to do, that's

1289
00:58:54,480 --> 00:58:57,320
Speaker 4: what her culture in college told her to do, and

1290
00:58:57,440 --> 00:59:01,360
Speaker 4: also because for her, it was about the pleasure or

1291
00:59:01,400 --> 00:59:04,240
Speaker 4: the physicality of sex. It was like, if you fuck me,

1292
00:59:04,280 --> 00:59:05,960
Speaker 4: you love me. If you fuck me, it means that

1293
00:59:06,080 --> 00:59:08,600
Speaker 4: I am worthy. If you fuck me, you're validating me

1294
00:59:08,800 --> 00:59:11,760
Speaker 4: and making me feel like I am seen and heard

1295
00:59:11,960 --> 00:59:15,520
Speaker 4: and safe and love. And it was quite an interesting

1296
00:59:15,760 --> 00:59:18,720
Speaker 4: experience to watch her get to that point because again,

1297
00:59:18,760 --> 00:59:21,360
Speaker 4: she was really wanting to get back to that person,

1298
00:59:21,400 --> 00:59:24,760
Speaker 4: that version of her, but it wasn't even a real version.

1299
00:59:24,920 --> 00:59:27,760
Speaker 4: And it took her actually sitting with herself and asking

1300
00:59:27,800 --> 00:59:31,680
Speaker 4: yourself these questions, Wait, do I want to have sex?

1301
00:59:31,800 --> 00:59:35,760
Speaker 4: Do I like having sex? Is this something that I want?

1302
00:59:36,000 --> 00:59:39,800
Speaker 4: And the answer to those questions were, like, it varied,

1303
00:59:39,800 --> 00:59:41,920
Speaker 4: It depended on the time, it depended on the person,

1304
00:59:42,240 --> 00:59:45,160
Speaker 4: Like there were so many different things. So I encourage

1305
00:59:45,160 --> 00:59:47,520
Speaker 4: everyone to do that deep work of figuring out like

1306
00:59:47,880 --> 00:59:50,200
Speaker 4: is this desire or is this a should that is

1307
00:59:50,240 --> 00:59:53,320
Speaker 4: being put upon me? And that's where that body literacy

1308
00:59:53,400 --> 00:59:56,760
Speaker 4: really can come in with sensuality, like your body will

1309
00:59:56,880 --> 00:59:59,320
Speaker 4: know or your body will tell you what it feels

1310
00:59:59,400 --> 01:00:02,800
Speaker 4: like to you, like sort of have that enthusiastic yes,

1311
01:00:03,080 --> 01:00:03,280
Speaker 4: you know.

1312
01:00:04,000 --> 01:00:06,080
Speaker 1: It almost sounds like she was much. It was she

1313
01:00:06,160 --> 01:00:08,960
Speaker 1: was way more able in her youth to disassociate from

1314
01:00:08,960 --> 01:00:11,440
Speaker 1: herself and that she had done the work actually, and

1315
01:00:11,480 --> 01:00:14,840
Speaker 1: she should be proud that now her body is like, bitch,

1316
01:00:15,160 --> 01:00:16,280
Speaker 1: we can't fake it no more.

1317
01:00:16,400 --> 01:00:18,440
Speaker 4: Sorry, That's what I told her. I was like, listen,

1318
01:00:18,520 --> 01:00:21,080
Speaker 4: your body is just like, okay, we're done.

1319
01:00:21,080 --> 01:00:23,120
Speaker 1: We can we can't do this. We've you did. You

1320
01:00:23,680 --> 01:00:26,800
Speaker 1: met with Evion and we did the work. I'm sorry, girl.

1321
01:00:26,840 --> 01:00:29,400
Speaker 3: We're not horny any it's not happening. We don't want

1322
01:00:29,440 --> 01:00:30,000
Speaker 3: we don't want that.

1323
01:00:30,160 --> 01:00:30,600
Speaker 1: We're good.

1324
01:00:31,080 --> 01:00:31,320
Speaker 3: Yeah.

1325
01:00:31,320 --> 01:00:33,080
Speaker 4: And for her, you know, it's not like I don't

1326
01:00:33,080 --> 01:00:36,040
Speaker 4: want to have sex ever, but she has redefined what

1327
01:00:36,080 --> 01:00:39,560
Speaker 4: sex means for her, and she's redefined what sex means

1328
01:00:39,560 --> 01:00:41,760
Speaker 4: for her on the terms of like what does my

1329
01:00:41,920 --> 01:00:45,920
Speaker 4: body want? And typically for her, sex isn't about like penetration.

1330
01:00:46,040 --> 01:00:49,360
Speaker 4: It's like I want you to, you know, make out

1331
01:00:49,400 --> 01:00:51,800
Speaker 4: with me naked or something like that. Like that to

1332
01:00:51,880 --> 01:00:55,520
Speaker 4: me is enough stimulation and it feels really good for me,

1333
01:00:55,800 --> 01:00:58,560
Speaker 4: you know. And thankfully she's with the partner that is

1334
01:00:58,720 --> 01:01:00,840
Speaker 4: taking that ride with her and being like cool, let's

1335
01:01:00,880 --> 01:01:03,520
Speaker 4: explore different ways to have sex, you know. And again

1336
01:01:03,560 --> 01:01:05,600
Speaker 4: that's why it's it's so important that if you're on

1337
01:01:05,640 --> 01:01:08,600
Speaker 4: the sexual liberation journey, you're choosing partners that are able

1338
01:01:08,640 --> 01:01:10,520
Speaker 4: to go with you on that journey and not shamey

1339
01:01:10,600 --> 01:01:11,880
Speaker 4: for whatever you're going through.

1340
01:01:12,640 --> 01:01:16,040
Speaker 1: I'm sure you've probably watched this sex love Goop. Have

1341
01:01:16,080 --> 01:01:16,560
Speaker 1: you watched it?

1342
01:01:16,640 --> 01:01:17,720
Speaker 4: I haven't. I've heard of it.

1343
01:01:17,840 --> 01:01:19,720
Speaker 1: Yeah, it was really it was really interesting. There was

1344
01:01:19,760 --> 01:01:22,360
Speaker 1: this couple that came on and it was actually a

1345
01:01:22,360 --> 01:01:26,360
Speaker 1: black married couple and they're happy, they have this great life.

1346
01:01:26,640 --> 01:01:30,240
Speaker 1: But he is super like gungh, like he wants to

1347
01:01:30,320 --> 01:01:33,760
Speaker 1: fuck and she he said, like she's a prude and

1348
01:01:33,840 --> 01:01:38,200
Speaker 1: like she's not really like, yeah, she's a prude and

1349
01:01:38,280 --> 01:01:42,360
Speaker 1: for lack of a better word, and more less experienced

1350
01:01:42,480 --> 01:01:47,400
Speaker 1: than him. And through the work with through the work

1351
01:01:47,440 --> 01:01:50,000
Speaker 1: with one of these her name was actually, what's her name? Ship?

1352
01:01:50,400 --> 01:01:51,320
Speaker 1: What's her name? Do you remember?

1353
01:01:51,520 --> 01:01:52,200
Speaker 3: You said it? Like fun?

1354
01:01:52,360 --> 01:01:54,080
Speaker 1: I know, how the fuck don't I know her name yet?

1355
01:01:54,120 --> 01:02:00,320
Speaker 1: And Jaya Jaya giant. She They discovered that actually that well,

1356
01:02:00,360 --> 01:02:02,600
Speaker 1: their sex languages are different, Like he is one of

1357
01:02:02,640 --> 01:02:05,920
Speaker 1: those like he's stimulated by just like titties and ass

1358
01:02:05,920 --> 01:02:07,640
Speaker 1: like those are the things that like get him going,

1359
01:02:08,360 --> 01:02:12,840
Speaker 1: whereas for her, she's way more into like the anticipation

1360
01:02:12,920 --> 01:02:16,840
Speaker 1: of touch and like the build up and like. And

1361
01:02:17,120 --> 01:02:19,760
Speaker 1: what they found was that actually she's a lot more

1362
01:02:19,880 --> 01:02:24,080
Speaker 1: sexually advanced than him in her because she's really into

1363
01:02:24,160 --> 01:02:27,840
Speaker 1: the foreplay. She wants to experiment with different things before

1364
01:02:27,880 --> 01:02:30,400
Speaker 1: just having penetrative sex. And I think a lot of

1365
01:02:30,440 --> 01:02:32,960
Speaker 1: times that part of sex is overlooked. We're supposed to

1366
01:02:33,040 --> 01:02:35,080
Speaker 1: just like, oh, I'm what this means, we must have

1367
01:02:35,120 --> 01:02:37,520
Speaker 1: sex like insert here. Yeah, like a guy sees his

1368
01:02:37,560 --> 01:02:39,600
Speaker 1: dick is hard, Oh I must be horny, Oh my

1369
01:02:39,640 --> 01:02:41,919
Speaker 1: pussy's wet. Oh I guess I should have sex now.

1370
01:02:42,560 --> 01:02:46,200
Speaker 1: And there's no lead up. There's no anticipation I know

1371
01:02:46,280 --> 01:02:49,200
Speaker 1: for me, like that's something that is important to me,

1372
01:02:49,320 --> 01:02:52,440
Speaker 1: Like I'm I need a lead up. I can do both,

1373
01:02:52,480 --> 01:02:55,040
Speaker 1: but when I have the best sex of my life,

1374
01:02:55,040 --> 01:02:58,280
Speaker 1: it usually involves a lot of foreplay and like I

1375
01:02:58,360 --> 01:03:01,720
Speaker 1: need the lead up. I need like saying I need sensuality,

1376
01:03:01,880 --> 01:03:04,080
Speaker 1: and sometimes I don't even have to have the sex.

1377
01:03:04,120 --> 01:03:08,120
Speaker 1: I usually will, but but I just think that it's

1378
01:03:08,160 --> 01:03:10,680
Speaker 1: so true that finding the right partner and also like

1379
01:03:10,800 --> 01:03:12,800
Speaker 1: if you do have a partner that you love and

1380
01:03:12,800 --> 01:03:15,360
Speaker 1: everything else is good with that, that piece is missing

1381
01:03:15,920 --> 01:03:19,480
Speaker 1: exploring what that means, meeting with someone that can kind

1382
01:03:19,480 --> 01:03:21,320
Speaker 1: of help guide you. When I saw that, when I

1383
01:03:21,360 --> 01:03:24,400
Speaker 1: watched that show, I was like, how many relationships have

1384
01:03:24,680 --> 01:03:28,040
Speaker 1: ended because they didn't know that something like this existed

1385
01:03:28,320 --> 01:03:30,640
Speaker 1: right that they or they were embarrassed to ask, they

1386
01:03:30,640 --> 01:03:33,680
Speaker 1: were embarrassed to talk about it. And just knowing that,

1387
01:03:33,800 --> 01:03:36,800
Speaker 1: like thankfully for social media and I guess Netflix and

1388
01:03:37,200 --> 01:03:41,800
Speaker 1: Gwyneth Paltrow, I guess I don't know that, like these

1389
01:03:41,840 --> 01:03:45,440
Speaker 1: type of things can be resolved, and sometimes they can't,

1390
01:03:45,640 --> 01:03:46,720
Speaker 1: and that's okay too.

1391
01:03:47,080 --> 01:03:50,040
Speaker 4: Yeah, Yeah, I think that's one of the beauties of

1392
01:03:50,600 --> 01:03:53,600
Speaker 4: this era that we're in, you know, like we're seeing

1393
01:03:53,680 --> 01:03:58,000
Speaker 4: a lot more conversations about sex, and we're really normalizing

1394
01:03:58,600 --> 01:04:01,600
Speaker 4: the issues come up with sex. I think for a

1395
01:04:01,640 --> 01:04:04,480
Speaker 4: while it was like everyone's having the best sex except

1396
01:04:04,520 --> 01:04:06,640
Speaker 4: for me. I'm the one that has the problems, and

1397
01:04:06,680 --> 01:04:08,400
Speaker 4: it's like, no, all of us are sort of fumbling

1398
01:04:08,440 --> 01:04:11,560
Speaker 4: around and trying to find our way. And that's very normal,

1399
01:04:11,760 --> 01:04:14,600
Speaker 4: you know, It's okay for us to still not really

1400
01:04:14,640 --> 01:04:17,840
Speaker 4: know what we're doing. And in this case with this

1401
01:04:17,840 --> 01:04:20,920
Speaker 4: guy who is just like penetration ass tits, let's go.

1402
01:04:21,000 --> 01:04:22,440
Speaker 4: I mean, it makes a lot of sense because that's

1403
01:04:22,440 --> 01:04:25,120
Speaker 4: the culture we live in. We live in a very pornographic, male,

1404
01:04:25,200 --> 01:04:27,720
Speaker 4: gayzy world, and I think a lot of us have

1405
01:04:28,280 --> 01:04:31,760
Speaker 4: grown up thinking that the way to have liberated sex

1406
01:04:31,800 --> 01:04:34,080
Speaker 4: is to fuck like a man, you know, to fuck

1407
01:04:34,120 --> 01:04:36,640
Speaker 4: like a man, where it's like you see something visual,

1408
01:04:36,760 --> 01:04:39,360
Speaker 4: you get immediately wet or hard, and you just like

1409
01:04:39,800 --> 01:04:42,840
Speaker 4: go for That's not the case. That's one aspect and

1410
01:04:42,920 --> 01:04:45,920
Speaker 4: one way to be in your sexuality. But that's not

1411
01:04:46,280 --> 01:04:47,840
Speaker 4: that's not the case for everyone, you know.

1412
01:04:48,240 --> 01:04:52,680
Speaker 2: Yeah, for sure, I'm so glad that you came and

1413
01:04:52,720 --> 01:04:54,880
Speaker 2: like broke this down for us. I think this is

1414
01:04:54,880 --> 01:04:56,440
Speaker 2: going to resonate with a lot of women. It definitely

1415
01:04:56,480 --> 01:04:59,680
Speaker 2: resonates with me. I definitely have to like have deeper

1416
01:04:59,680 --> 01:05:02,400
Speaker 2: talks with myself, get more in tune with my body.

1417
01:05:02,400 --> 01:05:05,120
Speaker 2: I know, I always see you online doing your sensual dancing.

1418
01:05:05,160 --> 01:05:06,960
Speaker 2: I'd like to essential dance in the mirror too. But

1419
01:05:07,520 --> 01:05:11,400
Speaker 2: there is something deeply sexy and like intimate about gazing

1420
01:05:11,440 --> 01:05:14,680
Speaker 2: at yourself in an intimate space without anyone else being

1421
01:05:14,760 --> 01:05:17,920
Speaker 2: there to validate you, you know, just like Damn.

1422
01:05:17,960 --> 01:05:20,080
Speaker 3: Damn, I look good today. Damn, this feels sexy on

1423
01:05:20,120 --> 01:05:20,640
Speaker 3: my body.

1424
01:05:21,000 --> 01:05:24,400
Speaker 2: Damn this like just moving feels good, like just being

1425
01:05:24,880 --> 01:05:27,800
Speaker 2: in your body, like you said, Like, we just came

1426
01:05:27,840 --> 01:05:30,880
Speaker 2: back from Costa Rica and we did like a self devotion,

1427
01:05:31,440 --> 01:05:35,680
Speaker 2: like self worship, like this sensual circle with the girls,

1428
01:05:36,160 --> 01:05:40,040
Speaker 2: and it was so fun and beautiful and like you know,

1429
01:05:40,080 --> 01:05:42,880
Speaker 2: we just danced in a circle and like gave thanks

1430
01:05:42,920 --> 01:05:45,360
Speaker 2: to the elements and to our ancestors. And it's just

1431
01:05:45,400 --> 01:05:49,080
Speaker 2: like reminded me how much as women, like the divine

1432
01:05:49,120 --> 01:05:52,560
Speaker 2: feminine is sensual. It's a part of our identity, and

1433
01:05:52,640 --> 01:05:56,680
Speaker 2: like it's been such for so long, like under the

1434
01:05:56,720 --> 01:05:59,560
Speaker 2: gaze of men, under the standards of men, that we

1435
01:05:59,680 --> 01:06:03,720
Speaker 2: forget that, like it's our like our birthright and like

1436
01:06:03,800 --> 01:06:07,800
Speaker 2: a part of our experience to explore that even without

1437
01:06:08,240 --> 01:06:10,440
Speaker 2: being sexual or having intercourse in it.

1438
01:06:10,680 --> 01:06:12,120
Speaker 1: That's right, that's right.

1439
01:06:12,400 --> 01:06:14,240
Speaker 4: Yeah, can I plug something?

1440
01:06:14,480 --> 01:06:15,320
Speaker 3: Yeah, of course.

1441
01:06:15,560 --> 01:06:18,240
Speaker 4: So we're talking about sensuality here, and I should have

1442
01:06:18,240 --> 01:06:20,080
Speaker 4: brought you both copies of my book. But I have

1443
01:06:20,120 --> 01:06:22,760
Speaker 4: a book. It's called Sensual Self, and it is a

1444
01:06:22,840 --> 01:06:27,080
Speaker 4: guided journal that helps you with practices and exercises and

1445
01:06:27,120 --> 01:06:30,520
Speaker 4: prompts to basically do just that, like connect with your body,

1446
01:06:30,840 --> 01:06:33,200
Speaker 4: figure out the messages that your body is sending you,

1447
01:06:33,600 --> 01:06:36,120
Speaker 4: figuring out like what does pleasure feel like in my body?

1448
01:06:36,600 --> 01:06:41,360
Speaker 4: Really starting to create some boundaries and also some curiosity about, yeah,

1449
01:06:41,360 --> 01:06:43,240
Speaker 4: the things that your body needs in order to feel

1450
01:06:43,240 --> 01:06:47,920
Speaker 4: safe and have an enthusiastic yes experience. So I wrote

1451
01:06:47,920 --> 01:06:51,400
Speaker 4: this book because I hear stories like this so often, like, Okay,

1452
01:06:51,480 --> 01:06:53,080
Speaker 4: I know I need to connect to my body. I

1453
01:06:53,080 --> 01:06:56,040
Speaker 4: don't really know what the voice of desire in my

1454
01:06:56,080 --> 01:06:58,760
Speaker 4: body feels like because I've been overwriting it for so long,

1455
01:06:58,840 --> 01:07:01,440
Speaker 4: and you know, there's all these different cultural voices and

1456
01:07:01,480 --> 01:07:03,400
Speaker 4: messages that are telling me what I should want. But

1457
01:07:03,440 --> 01:07:06,640
Speaker 4: what do I want? Yeah, that's why I wrote my book,

1458
01:07:06,680 --> 01:07:07,320
Speaker 4: Sensual Self.

1459
01:07:07,400 --> 01:07:08,040
Speaker 1: I need that book.

1460
01:07:08,120 --> 01:07:10,720
Speaker 2: I need that book, and you know also it just

1461
01:07:10,880 --> 01:07:14,000
Speaker 2: like it dawned on me, like during this conversation when

1462
01:07:14,000 --> 01:07:16,200
Speaker 2: you're talking about you know, this voice telling you you

1463
01:07:16,240 --> 01:07:18,680
Speaker 2: needed to move, and like this is when you honoring that.

1464
01:07:19,000 --> 01:07:22,480
Speaker 2: I just think that just sitting with yourself and being

1465
01:07:22,480 --> 01:07:26,240
Speaker 2: with your body oftentimes will clear all of the Like

1466
01:07:26,280 --> 01:07:29,560
Speaker 2: your intuition will be much sharper because you've sat in

1467
01:07:29,600 --> 01:07:32,560
Speaker 2: your body and you're not trying to add other people

1468
01:07:32,560 --> 01:07:35,200
Speaker 2: and other shit into it. You're really just being mindful

1469
01:07:35,520 --> 01:07:37,880
Speaker 2: a of how you feel in your body, and that's

1470
01:07:37,960 --> 01:07:40,640
Speaker 2: like even outside of sex, you know. And then when

1471
01:07:40,680 --> 01:07:43,600
Speaker 2: you do get clear messages from spirit, you're like, oh,

1472
01:07:43,680 --> 01:07:46,760
Speaker 2: I can move on that because I'm conscious that this

1473
01:07:46,800 --> 01:07:48,560
Speaker 2: is what these are the voices that I need to

1474
01:07:48,560 --> 01:07:51,000
Speaker 2: listen to. And I think so often, like as women,

1475
01:07:51,800 --> 01:07:54,200
Speaker 2: that we let that part of us like fall at

1476
01:07:54,200 --> 01:07:57,520
Speaker 2: the wayside because we're constantly being told how we're supposed

1477
01:07:57,520 --> 01:07:59,440
Speaker 2: to be and what we're supposed to be, and then

1478
01:07:59,600 --> 01:08:02,080
Speaker 2: our voice, our inner voice, the voices of our ancestors,

1479
01:08:02,120 --> 01:08:04,240
Speaker 2: the ones we're supposed to listen to kind.

1480
01:08:04,000 --> 01:08:05,920
Speaker 3: Of like go mute.

1481
01:08:06,280 --> 01:08:06,680
Speaker 1: Yeah.

1482
01:08:06,720 --> 01:08:09,400
Speaker 2: So it's like being mindful, you know, like in your

1483
01:08:09,400 --> 01:08:13,000
Speaker 2: body really is the segue to just be mindful in

1484
01:08:13,040 --> 01:08:14,120
Speaker 2: your life in general.

1485
01:08:14,560 --> 01:08:17,400
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, it's so much. It's so much deeper than

1486
01:08:17,439 --> 01:08:19,439
Speaker 1: just sex, like like you said, for sure.

1487
01:08:19,720 --> 01:08:24,080
Speaker 2: Yeah, well, is there any I'm really glad you came

1488
01:08:24,120 --> 01:08:28,080
Speaker 2: finally after we stopped you for four years. Is there

1489
01:08:28,120 --> 01:08:30,200
Speaker 2: anything else any you want to tell our listeners where

1490
01:08:30,200 --> 01:08:30,920
Speaker 2: they can find you?

1491
01:08:31,720 --> 01:08:34,799
Speaker 4: Yeah? I have a podcast as well. It's called Central Self.

1492
01:08:35,439 --> 01:08:38,280
Speaker 4: It is also the title of my book, Central Self,

1493
01:08:38,280 --> 01:08:41,600
Speaker 4: which you can find anywhere that you get books. You

1494
01:08:41,640 --> 01:08:43,640
Speaker 4: can also find me on Instagram. That's where I'm like

1495
01:08:43,800 --> 01:08:48,160
Speaker 4: the most visible these days. And yeah, join my newsletter

1496
01:08:48,200 --> 01:08:51,880
Speaker 4: avan Whitney dot com slash newsletter trying to get people

1497
01:08:51,960 --> 01:08:52,479
Speaker 4: over there.

1498
01:08:52,680 --> 01:08:54,880
Speaker 1: Yeah, I feel get off the igs.

1499
01:08:54,960 --> 01:08:56,320
Speaker 4: Yes, it's so hard, so.

1500
01:08:56,280 --> 01:08:56,880
Speaker 1: Hard over there.

1501
01:08:57,040 --> 01:08:59,960
Speaker 2: Before we started, actually I forgot. Evian pulled a car

1502
01:09:00,000 --> 01:09:02,640
Speaker 2: card and the card was the World Card. So I'm

1503
01:09:02,680 --> 01:09:04,559
Speaker 2: just going to read to you guys what that means

1504
01:09:04,600 --> 01:09:06,759
Speaker 2: a little bit. Let's see if it pertains to our conversation.

1505
01:09:06,800 --> 01:09:08,280
Speaker 3: It usually does, because we're witches.

1506
01:09:09,960 --> 01:09:11,920
Speaker 2: When the World Card appears in a Tara reading, you

1507
01:09:11,920 --> 01:09:15,280
Speaker 2: are glowing with a sense of wholeness, achievement, fulfillment, and

1508
01:09:15,320 --> 01:09:19,479
Speaker 2: completion a long term project, period of study, relationship, or

1509
01:09:19,479 --> 01:09:22,440
Speaker 2: career has come full circle and you are now reveling

1510
01:09:22,600 --> 01:09:25,840
Speaker 2: in the sense of closure and accomplishment. This card could

1511
01:09:25,880 --> 01:09:28,519
Speaker 2: represent graduation, a marriage, the birth of a child, or

1512
01:09:28,560 --> 01:09:32,120
Speaker 2: achieving a long held dream or aspiration. You have finally

1513
01:09:32,120 --> 01:09:34,840
Speaker 2: accomplished your goal or purpose. Everything has come together and

1514
01:09:34,880 --> 01:09:37,080
Speaker 2: you're in the right place, doing the right thing, achieving

1515
01:09:37,080 --> 01:09:38,200
Speaker 2: what you have envisioned.

1516
01:09:38,439 --> 01:09:39,799
Speaker 3: You feel whole and complete.

1517
01:09:40,120 --> 01:09:43,759
Speaker 4: Hmmmm, a beautiful card. I love the world. Very happy

1518
01:09:43,760 --> 01:09:44,639
Speaker 4: to pick that one today.

1519
01:09:44,720 --> 01:09:47,640
Speaker 2: It invites you to reflect on your journey, honor your achievements,

1520
01:09:47,640 --> 01:09:51,040
Speaker 2: and tune into your spiritual lessons. Celebrate your success and

1521
01:09:51,080 --> 01:09:53,559
Speaker 2: bask and the joy of having brought your goals to fruition.

1522
01:09:54,040 --> 01:09:54,280
Speaker 1: Wow.

1523
01:09:54,360 --> 01:09:56,960
Speaker 4: Well, thank you and giving me an impromptu reading.

1524
01:09:57,120 --> 01:09:59,759
Speaker 2: Oh you're welcome. I just went on bid taro dot com.

1525
01:10:01,360 --> 01:10:05,439
Speaker 2: It's not Yeah, I'm working on my tarot skills before

1526
01:10:05,439 --> 01:10:07,160
Speaker 2: we close out. I know you mentioned that you may

1527
01:10:07,200 --> 01:10:14,120
Speaker 2: have a whoy for us whose stories.

1528
01:10:14,920 --> 01:10:17,559
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's kind of short. So I have a puppy,

1529
01:10:17,840 --> 01:10:20,800
Speaker 4: and I got a puppy two months ago and she

1530
01:10:20,920 --> 01:10:23,559
Speaker 4: has been a delight and a terror, and so much

1531
01:10:23,560 --> 01:10:26,360
Speaker 4: of my life has been taken up by her. And

1532
01:10:26,680 --> 01:10:28,880
Speaker 4: because of that. Me and my partner haven't been having

1533
01:10:28,920 --> 01:10:31,600
Speaker 4: sex because it's really difficult to have sex when you

1534
01:10:31,640 --> 01:10:33,880
Speaker 4: have a puppy. We're trying to create trainer, but you

1535
01:10:33,880 --> 01:10:34,280
Speaker 4: know that's.

1536
01:10:34,200 --> 01:10:37,640
Speaker 1: A long, long cross fortress. Oh my god, you know

1537
01:10:37,800 --> 01:10:39,400
Speaker 1: you have I mean, well, I have a baby, which

1538
01:10:39,400 --> 01:10:42,519
Speaker 1: is basically crate training is like basically like night training

1539
01:10:42,560 --> 01:10:45,080
Speaker 1: with babies, not night it is. And there's screaming in

1540
01:10:45,120 --> 01:10:45,360
Speaker 1: the room.

1541
01:10:45,439 --> 01:10:47,479
Speaker 3: I'm gonna your child to a puppies I can, We're

1542
01:10:47,479 --> 01:10:48,000
Speaker 3: going to come through.

1543
01:10:48,280 --> 01:10:49,360
Speaker 1: It's so awful.

1544
01:10:49,479 --> 01:10:51,960
Speaker 4: Like one time we were trying to have sex and

1545
01:10:52,160 --> 01:10:54,600
Speaker 4: the puppy sleeps with us in our bed, and you know,

1546
01:10:54,640 --> 01:10:57,080
Speaker 4: we're like being really quiet and then like all of

1547
01:10:57,120 --> 01:10:59,000
Speaker 4: a sudden, we start getting really into it, but we're

1548
01:10:59,040 --> 01:11:01,760
Speaker 4: still really quiet, and she just comes over to us

1549
01:11:01,760 --> 01:11:03,800
Speaker 4: and starts licking our faces and we're like, this is

1550
01:11:03,880 --> 01:11:05,840
Speaker 4: not And then I did a google and I was like,

1551
01:11:05,920 --> 01:11:10,519
Speaker 4: why did my dog come up to me for you know,

1552
01:11:10,600 --> 01:11:12,439
Speaker 4: after we were or while we were having sex. And

1553
01:11:12,479 --> 01:11:15,720
Speaker 4: apparently dogs can like smell your hormones and stuff, so

1554
01:11:15,760 --> 01:11:18,240
Speaker 4: she smelled that we were getting excited. I'm like, oh, yeah,

1555
01:11:18,240 --> 01:11:21,839
Speaker 4: this is not gonna work. So yeah, me and my partner.

1556
01:11:21,920 --> 01:11:24,080
Speaker 4: We've just been like, fuck, how are we gonna ever

1557
01:11:24,120 --> 01:11:27,080
Speaker 4: have sex again? Because she's I think she's no longer

1558
01:11:27,120 --> 01:11:28,680
Speaker 4: a puppy by the time, she's like a year and

1559
01:11:28,720 --> 01:11:30,240
Speaker 4: a half, so we've got a long way to go.

1560
01:11:30,920 --> 01:11:33,479
Speaker 4: And yeah, last night we're like, fuck it, we're having

1561
01:11:33,560 --> 01:11:36,800
Speaker 4: sex right now. We just like put her crate in

1562
01:11:36,960 --> 01:11:39,960
Speaker 4: the bedroom and then like gave her this like fish

1563
01:11:40,080 --> 01:11:43,760
Speaker 4: hide situation and she was like chewing and smacking on

1564
01:11:43,800 --> 01:11:46,040
Speaker 4: this bone while we were like getting it in. And

1565
01:11:46,120 --> 01:11:48,080
Speaker 4: it was great. I loved every second of it. We

1566
01:11:48,160 --> 01:11:50,519
Speaker 4: both like had an orgasm way too fast because it

1567
01:11:50,520 --> 01:11:52,360
Speaker 4: had been way too long, but it was so great.

1568
01:11:52,400 --> 01:11:55,320
Speaker 4: I was so stoned and it was amazing.

1569
01:11:55,479 --> 01:11:56,720
Speaker 3: This sounds like parenthood.

1570
01:11:56,960 --> 01:11:59,280
Speaker 1: It sounds like how I have I have had to

1571
01:11:59,280 --> 01:12:00,880
Speaker 1: have sex with my daughters in the house.

1572
01:12:01,160 --> 01:12:03,760
Speaker 4: Fuck, it's so hard. I have so much respect for

1573
01:12:03,960 --> 01:12:07,360
Speaker 4: parents because I will not have babies in my lifetime.

1574
01:12:07,400 --> 01:12:10,519
Speaker 4: I've decided that. And my God, my dog is giving

1575
01:12:10,560 --> 01:12:12,200
Speaker 4: me a lot of energy.

1576
01:12:12,240 --> 01:12:13,680
Speaker 1: Well, good thing. The only you know, the good thing

1577
01:12:13,720 --> 01:12:15,559
Speaker 1: about having a dog is that you can legally put

1578
01:12:15,560 --> 01:12:16,360
Speaker 1: them in a cage.

1579
01:12:16,600 --> 01:12:20,400
Speaker 3: You can put them in a cage. True with a

1580
01:12:20,479 --> 01:12:21,120
Speaker 3: fish hide.

1581
01:12:21,800 --> 01:12:23,760
Speaker 1: If I would I in a cage.

1582
01:12:23,400 --> 01:12:27,200
Speaker 3: In her room, I had don't come out. Shut up,

1583
01:12:27,520 --> 01:12:28,519
Speaker 3: mom has some ship to do.

1584
01:12:30,240 --> 01:12:33,080
Speaker 1: Wouldn't blow over so easily now, Oh my god, Well,

1585
01:12:33,080 --> 01:12:34,920
Speaker 1: thank you so much for coming on the show. This

1586
01:12:35,000 --> 01:12:37,360
Speaker 1: was such a tree. You guys know where to find us.

1587
01:12:37,360 --> 01:12:41,200
Speaker 1: Good Mom's Bad Choices on Instagram. Well, Good Mom's Underscore

1588
01:12:41,240 --> 01:12:44,240
Speaker 1: Bad Choices on Instagram. Make sure you check out our Patreon.

1589
01:12:44,360 --> 01:12:47,519
Speaker 1: We have tons of bonus content over there. We have

1590
01:12:47,720 --> 01:12:50,679
Speaker 1: some wore stories that we've updated recently that you definitely

1591
01:12:50,680 --> 01:12:52,479
Speaker 1: don't want to miss out on. Me and Mila had

1592
01:12:52,560 --> 01:12:57,599
Speaker 1: a shared group or story together. We say group. Well,

1593
01:12:57,600 --> 01:13:01,160
Speaker 1: it's me and you. We're the group plus one. Yeah, three,

1594
01:13:01,240 --> 01:13:04,439
Speaker 1: you know Destiny shild like after everyone left Good Moms

1595
01:13:04,439 --> 01:13:07,519
Speaker 1: by Wait, actually it's patreon dot com backslash Good Mom's

1596
01:13:07,520 --> 01:13:10,240
Speaker 1: Bad Choices. I'll link everything in our episode description. Make

1597
01:13:10,280 --> 01:13:12,240
Speaker 1: sure you check out our merge. We've dropped some really

1598
01:13:12,320 --> 01:13:14,599
Speaker 1: cute ship over the last few months, and it's real,

1599
01:13:14,640 --> 01:13:16,320
Speaker 1: real cute. Hopefully it's still there. I don't know by

1600
01:13:16,320 --> 01:13:17,680
Speaker 1: the time you listen to this, and I might all

1601
01:13:17,720 --> 01:13:21,120
Speaker 1: be gone. Anyway, I love you and have a good

1602
01:13:21,160 --> 01:13:22,280
Speaker 1: week hie