Speaker 1: Hell I Suck At Dating with Dengler Dared Haven I
Speaker 1: heart radio podcast. What's going on, Sucky daters? Welcome to
Speaker 1: an all new episode of Help I Suck At Dating
Speaker 1: and a very special episode for you guys today, because
Speaker 1: not only do we suck at dating today, but we
Speaker 1: also suck at being in a proper podcasting area. To
Speaker 1: record this episode, I'm recording from my van, which obviously
Speaker 1: is always a mess. No, no secret there, No, we're
Speaker 1: not new to that part of that, this mess. But
Speaker 1: Jared seems a little cramped in his location right now.
Speaker 1: And Jared, do you want to share with the listeners
Speaker 1: where exactly you are right now recording this episode. I'm
Speaker 1: in my wife's glam room closet. That's where I'm at,
Speaker 1: trying to figure out how to take my mask off.
Speaker 1: Here's the thing. We have movers here today, very sweet
Speaker 1: Mayflower Company. If you guys are looking to move at all,
Speaker 1: you should use this company a nice little shout out there.
Speaker 1: We're moving across country l A to Rhode Island. Very excited.
Speaker 1: And then we have the movers coming today. So I
Speaker 1: needed to find a space that's quiet, that sounds good
Speaker 1: for audio, and the first thing I thought of closet. Well,
Speaker 1: the first thing you thought of was a closet, right,
Speaker 1: So we get on the zoom video, Jared's in the closet.
Speaker 1: We're all like, what are you doing in the closet?
Speaker 1: All of a sudden, Jared's disappears. He reappears three minutes
Speaker 1: later in another smaller closet. And if you can imagine
Speaker 1: a closet, obviously it's not very large, but now imagine
Speaker 1: a closet maybe like a tenth of that size, And
Speaker 1: that's exactly what Jared is right now. So you see
Speaker 1: the sixth sense, you know how the kid gets trapped
Speaker 1: in the closet and the ghost at Taxon, That's pretty
Speaker 1: much the closet I'm in right now. I'm fully prepared
Speaker 1: to have some sort of paranormal activity occur while this
Speaker 1: podcast is recording. Um. Anyway, it's great episode besides the
Speaker 1: weird podcasting geography of where we are right now. So
Speaker 1: where exactly you're in Rhode Island now? Is that your?
Speaker 1: No? No No? Still in l A. So today the movers
Speaker 1: are coming. We're moving out of our apartment in Los
Speaker 1: Angeles and then our stuff will be making the travel
Speaker 1: across country. To the destination of around So it's probably
Speaker 1: gonna get there in ten days. But we fly out tomorrow,
Speaker 1: which is insane. Man, it's crazy moving And it hasn't
Speaker 1: really hit us just because we've been packing and been
Speaker 1: distracted and busy with other things. And so I think tonight,
Speaker 1: when we're here for the last time in our apartment
Speaker 1: that we've lived here for you know, three years, it's
Speaker 1: going to kind of hit us. It's weird because this
Speaker 1: is the place, like even though we weren't living, you know,
Speaker 1: in the actual apartment while these events were occurring, but
Speaker 1: you know, we got engaged while living here, we got
Speaker 1: married while living here, we got lowest while living here. Um,
Speaker 1: so there's certainly a lot of memories that we're gonna
Speaker 1: leave behind but hopefully knock on wood for for better
Speaker 1: things to come. And I know we kind of talked
Speaker 1: about this last week a little bit, but the decision
Speaker 1: to move to an island kind of happened pretty quickly.
Speaker 1: I feel like, well, it's like we've always wanted to
Speaker 1: move back east. I told her when we got together,
Speaker 1: it's like a five year plan. You know, we're gonna
Speaker 1: spend five years in Los Angeles. But Ultimately, we want
Speaker 1: to move back east. That's the goal. So we just
Speaker 1: kind of exp that the process, mostly because of COVID
Speaker 1: man everything. Look at this, I'm recording our podcast from
Speaker 1: from a closet. Okay, if I could record from a closet,
Speaker 1: I can record from a nice little office in Rhode Island.
Speaker 1: So it's just, you know, everything is remote. I guess
Speaker 1: I should rephrase that. The decision to move through island
Speaker 1: was not a surprise. You're right, because you hadn't planning
Speaker 1: that for a while. But it just happened much quicker
Speaker 1: than I expected it too. I thought, like you said,
Speaker 1: the three five year playing totally. We decided pretty much
Speaker 1: over the winter that you know, when we were back
Speaker 1: east for Thanksgiving and Christmas, it just felt good, I mean,
Speaker 1: like it always does. And and we kept saying to ourselves,
Speaker 1: why are we going back to l A? Why are
Speaker 1: we going back to l A? Just because our stuff
Speaker 1: is there? That's the only reason to go there. Right now,
Speaker 1: there's no work for here is here. All of our
Speaker 1: family is back east. We have some friends here. You oh, dude,
Speaker 1: I haven't seen you in over a freaking year, probably
Speaker 1: over a year, and now, uh no, last time we
Speaker 1: saw each other, it was Valentine's Day last Yeah, it
Speaker 1: was at Amy's house when we recorded live we had
Speaker 1: like the live recording with Love Is Blind. Yeah, dude,
Speaker 1: that was like, yeah, thirteen months ago. You're right, that
Speaker 1: is pretty crazy to think about. Um, who are you
Speaker 1: gonna miss more? Tanner or Jade or Nick Mark? Mind,
Speaker 1: you can't put me on the spot like this. Actually,
Speaker 1: so I'm gonna miss them all mutually. But we've already
Speaker 1: talked about Nick and Natalie wanna like go east this
Speaker 1: summer and like do a trip over on the East Coast.
Speaker 1: So they're gonna come, and then Tanner and Jade are
Speaker 1: definitely gonna come as well. Uh, you know, like I'll
Speaker 1: miss I'll miss getting together with Nick and have him
Speaker 1: just rant the entire time. But he's been greatly obviously
Speaker 1: he's been dating Natalie. That's been out there so we
Speaker 1: can talk about it. We got dinner with him on
Speaker 1: Sunday night, and uh, he's doing really well. They're super happy.
Speaker 1: I'm super happy for them that Nick is in love. Man,
Speaker 1: he really is, I think. So. I know that we
Speaker 1: haven't seen each other a long time, but I haven't
Speaker 1: seen Nick in an even longer time, if my memory
Speaker 1: serves correctly. So I don't know this Natalie girl at all.
Speaker 1: So can you tell us and maybe, like the listeners
Speaker 1: a little bit about her. I mean, obviously listen, you know,
Speaker 1: you're just your Knick's friend. It's kind of weird to
Speaker 1: talk about his girlfriend, but just like, what's your impression
Speaker 1: of her? I guess, well, she's great. I don't mind
Speaker 1: talk about Natalie because I only have good things to
Speaker 1: say about her. I think she's perfect for Nick. Um
Speaker 1: she because, as you probably know, Nick needs someone who
Speaker 1: allows him to be himself, meaning like allows him to
Speaker 1: talk while also standing her ground, you know, being able
Speaker 1: to challenge him. Nick has said this numerous times that
Speaker 1: he wants someone who can challenge him, and Natalie is
Speaker 1: the perfect balance between someone who can challenge Nick but
Speaker 1: also let him just talk invent uh and so I
Speaker 1: and they're they're super happy together, and he is. It's
Speaker 1: great to see because as Nick's friend, and as you
Speaker 1: know this, we've only really ever seen Nick single. You know,
Speaker 1: he's he's tried to date Andy on television and Caitlin
Speaker 1: and and but like you know, in our personal lives,
Speaker 1: the last time I remember him being in a relationship
Speaker 1: was Vanessa, and you know, I only saw them a
Speaker 1: couple of times together and obviously didn't end well. One
Speaker 1: of those thing it didn't end well, but they broke up. Um.
Speaker 1: So seeing Nick just happy in a relationship and head
Speaker 1: over heels with someone, uh, it's cool, man, It's it's
Speaker 1: it's really great to see because you just you just
Speaker 1: he's smitten and it's it's it's weird seeing him smitten,
Speaker 1: but it's so awesome and she's great. Yeah, I don't
Speaker 1: think ever since Nick and I became friends. Nick and
Speaker 1: I became friends after him and Vanessa broke up, So
Speaker 1: I've never really known Nick in a relationship. So I mean,
Speaker 1: like I said, I haven't seen Nick. No. While I
Speaker 1: would still consider us very close, it just as you
Speaker 1: know obviously with code and everything. Um, I'm expecting a
Speaker 1: more melloed out version of Nick whenever I get whenever
Speaker 1: I get to hang out with him in Natalie. I mean,
Speaker 1: I wouldn't guarantee that well, you know, but yeah, I
Speaker 1: don't want to see Um well, okay, I mean that
Speaker 1: settles that, I guess. Thanks for the Thanks for the update.
Speaker 1: I'm moving to the Rhode Island, like it would have
Speaker 1: been nice to get dinner before you left where you're
Speaker 1: not even in the laws that were You know, it's
Speaker 1: totally okay. I am basically just deflecting because I don't
Speaker 1: really know exactly where to go next with the podcast here. Um.
Speaker 1: I do know that we have some listener answers to
Speaker 1: have you ever been called crazy before? Right us that
Speaker 1: on the Instagram page, um and I know we want
Speaker 1: to get to that a little bit. But before we
Speaker 1: get to that, there is actually something interesting that happened
Speaker 1: in Bachelination recently. I mean, obviously there's a lot of
Speaker 1: stuff happening in Bachlination that's always super interesting, but um,
Speaker 1: our producers want to talk about this, and I think
Speaker 1: it's actually interesting topic for us to discuss because it
Speaker 1: sounds like from what I've read that Amanda Stanton is
Speaker 1: now dating Karin Olympios is ex boyfriend, and you know
Speaker 1: that violates girl code, boy code, whatever you want to
Speaker 1: call it. So I guess my question for you is
Speaker 1: what's your stance on dating a friend's X or anything
Speaker 1: of the sort. I guess the first question is is
Speaker 1: Karine really good friends with Amanda? I think they are
Speaker 1: Lara always hanging out? I felt like, really, I don't
Speaker 1: think I've ever seen them together. I can't think of
Speaker 1: one instance. I remember on their Instagram pages that they
Speaker 1: were like inseparable for a long time. I don't know
Speaker 1: if that's still the case, but I do remember, because
Speaker 1: I remember, I had this kind of the same reaction
Speaker 1: as you. I was like, wait, these guys are friends.
Speaker 1: I had no idea, And then they were like all
Speaker 1: over each other's Instagram, so I figured that they were
Speaker 1: actually legitimate friends. All right, Well that's fair. So yeah,
Speaker 1: so broken girl code. So apparently Amanda's dating this new guy,
Speaker 1: Michael Fogel and it's Karne's X. That is weird. So
Speaker 1: this is what Karine told us Weekly. She said she
Speaker 1: Karren says she knows in terms of Amanda, Amanda knows
Speaker 1: I will always be there for her if she needs me.
Speaker 1: At the end of the day, I'll be there for her.
Speaker 1: She's been there for me. She just chose to do
Speaker 1: something that I don't really think is right in a friendship.
Speaker 1: It has nothing to do with the guy. I mean
Speaker 1: goodbye to the guy that such a current line. It
Speaker 1: was more that it really hurt my feelings that someone
Speaker 1: I considered one of my best friends and family. So
Speaker 1: you're writ team would even just be okay with doing
Speaker 1: that when I wouldn't look at them at any of
Speaker 1: my friends boyfriends twice. I don't know, it just feels
Speaker 1: a little uncomfortable. Apparently Amanda did text Karin. Karin said
Speaker 1: she texted me to quote, give me the courtesy, which
Speaker 1: I also really think, I really don't think was the
Speaker 1: right wording for that. But yeah, she did give me
Speaker 1: the courts courtesy in quotes and let me know. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean if she gave if Amanda texted to Karin
Speaker 1: after the fact, I was like, by the way, I'm
Speaker 1: dating your ex instead of addressing it beforehand, to be like, hey,
Speaker 1: I'm going to go on a date and it's with
Speaker 1: your ax, how do you feel about this? That's kind
Speaker 1: of messed up. Uh, yeah, I agree. I guess what
Speaker 1: beckins in my brain is was Karin and this guy
Speaker 1: super serious? Because if it's like a guy that you
Speaker 1: went on a date with one time, who cares. But
Speaker 1: if it was like a serious boyfriend or something, that's
Speaker 1: obviously a bigger deal. Well, Kurin saying it's her ex
Speaker 1: boyfriend so it must be somewhat of a serious relationship.
Speaker 1: I don't know. Man, girl code, guy code. It is Uh,
Speaker 1: it's touchy subject talking about dating like one of your
Speaker 1: friends X. I think I rule it out. I don't
Speaker 1: think you can do it. I think it's just always
Speaker 1: going to cause friction in the friendship. It might even
Speaker 1: cause friction in the relationship. It's just not worth it.
Speaker 1: I mean, there's so many people in the world. They
Speaker 1: I don't know if I don't know if that one
Speaker 1: person that used to date your friend is your soul mate. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I agree. I think we've talked about this on the
Speaker 1: podcast before. I think that, yeah, exactly what you said.
Speaker 1: There's so many people out in the world. Don't pick
Speaker 1: the guy or the girl that's already been dated by
Speaker 1: one of your friends, because all it's gonna do is
Speaker 1: cost tension and it's probably not like, well, on the
Speaker 1: chance you guys end up getting married and spent the
Speaker 1: rest of your lives together, sure that's great, but many
Speaker 1: people do you have to date in order to find
Speaker 1: the person that you're gonna be with for the rest
Speaker 1: of your life, and then what are the odds that
Speaker 1: this is that person? It just like it doesn't really
Speaker 1: make sense to ruin a friendship over There's only one
Speaker 1: exception to the rule, and the reason I have to
Speaker 1: make this exception is because if I don't, then I'm
Speaker 1: a hypocrite. If you're in the Bachelor franchise, this rule
Speaker 1: does not apply because technically speaking, Ashley is good friends
Speaker 1: with Caitlin, and technically speaking, I am Caitlin's ex, so
Speaker 1: that would be pretty messed up. And then I invited
Speaker 1: my ex to the wedding because Caitlin was there. That's
Speaker 1: really weird. I wonder it was Ashley is not. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I guess nobody there went on dates with Ashley perfect
Speaker 1: that worked out well for me? Huh Um, has Kaitlin
Speaker 1: did it? Anybody that like you're friends with and in
Speaker 1: Bachelor franchise because like she was on Colton season and
Speaker 1: you're not friends with him? She did Blake, you're not
Speaker 1: friends with him? Went on. There's there's no there's no
Speaker 1: boundary overstepping for me and Kaylin. I wonder if it's
Speaker 1: any any over the opposite way, like Kaylin and isn't
Speaker 1: really friends with Christina or di Low or Rachel or Leslie.
Speaker 1: So gosh, that list is so long. Um, but in
Speaker 1: your situation, it's a little bit better because like Caitlin's
Speaker 1: obviously moved on now that she was upset about dumping
Speaker 1: you or anything like that, but like, you know, like
Speaker 1: she's happily with Jason. Yeah, she got engaged two weeks
Speaker 1: after she told me she was fine. Then she's fine now,
Speaker 1: right right, right? So yeah, I don't know. I think
Speaker 1: we both kind of have the similar similar take on
Speaker 1: this one, and that is, there's plenty of fish in
Speaker 1: the sea. Don't date a fish that's already been fished
Speaker 1: by one of your fish friends. Um, just go find
Speaker 1: a different fish, right, yeah, find a different fish. Bro code,
Speaker 1: guy code, girl code. You know, your friends come first.
Speaker 1: Don't throw your friend under the bus just like go
Speaker 1: after someone else. That's it. Um, all right, Well, Jared,
Speaker 1: why don't you go ahead and read some of the
Speaker 1: am I crazy? Uh? Questions that we had brought in.
Speaker 1: What do you say? Yeah, Well, we asked our listeners
Speaker 1: if they have ever been called crazy in a relationship,
Speaker 1: and we want to know why you think you've been
Speaker 1: called called crazy. So here are some of the responses
Speaker 1: of people being called crazy and how they responded to it.
Speaker 1: So one person said, posting a picture on social media
Speaker 1: so they can see how great I look and asking
Speaker 1: if I looked good? Consider them crazy? Do you think
Speaker 1: they're crazy because of that? Posting a picture on social
Speaker 1: media so they can see how great they look and
Speaker 1: asking if I loved good? Isn't that the whole point
Speaker 1: of social media? Not crazy? To me? It seems pretty normal. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it seems pretty pretty standard for me. It's a thirst trap.
Speaker 1: I mean, Dean, be honest. Have you ever posted a
Speaker 1: photo on social media with the intent of it being
Speaker 1: a thirst trap? Well? One pent? There were even times
Speaker 1: someone not petting your closet door. No, that's like a
Speaker 1: chair dropping. I'm sure probably one of the movers just died.
Speaker 1: There were times this might be a little borderline crazy.
Speaker 1: There were times where I would ask my friends to
Speaker 1: post things because I knew that the girl that I
Speaker 1: liked follow them and not me. That might be a
Speaker 1: little crazy, but I did it and I felt fully
Speaker 1: normal doing it. So did it work? Uh? Yeah? Every
Speaker 1: time they would post, like a story or something, it
Speaker 1: would always be viewed by the person that I wanted
Speaker 1: to be viewed by pretty quickly, might I add, so crazy? Yes?
Speaker 1: But effective also yes, what about you. Oh yeah, I've
Speaker 1: posted a thirst trap or two in my day. I mean,
Speaker 1: how do you not isn't especially when social media is
Speaker 1: first coming around, you know, you posted certain pictures of
Speaker 1: you looking good to maybe like, hey, this is meant
Speaker 1: for you really, Like, hey, look I can I can
Speaker 1: dress up with the best of them. Yeah, I agree.
Speaker 1: I think that's just kind of that's kind of that's
Speaker 1: almost like why social media was invented was that you
Speaker 1: could make your ex as jealous and or you know,
Speaker 1: make the guy that you're crushing on. I think you're
Speaker 1: even hotter than you are a thousand That's why the
Speaker 1: Instagram filter was credit. I'll tell you that much. Um.
Speaker 1: All right, So the next crazy one is apparently somebody
Speaker 1: was crazy for wanting their significant other to plan each date.
Speaker 1: I don't know if that's that crazy. Um, I think
Speaker 1: that's a little crazy. It's I think that each date
Speaker 1: is a lot like, yeah, you should want to plan
Speaker 1: some dates, but not every day. Like if you want
Speaker 1: to go on a date, take him on a date.
Speaker 1: I do a lot to quit them all the time
Speaker 1: because she's always like, let's go on a date, and
Speaker 1: I was like, yeah, sure, date sounds great. Go ahead
Speaker 1: and plan it for us, and I'll be there, you know,
Speaker 1: like all planned dates, and I feel like planning dates.
Speaker 1: And then I think that if they want to go
Speaker 1: on a date, they should plan the date. You know,
Speaker 1: this is an interesting one. Uh. Somebody who's called crazy
Speaker 1: for wanting to the guy wanting the guy to open
Speaker 1: all doors for them, that one's pretty crazy. So like
Speaker 1: if Caitlin was like, I expect you to open every
Speaker 1: door I walk into with you, do you think that
Speaker 1: would be crazy? Yeah? I would say you're crazy. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I say, I'll try my hardest, but I'm not gonna
Speaker 1: open every like I'm not gonna have the ability to.
Speaker 1: I'm not superman. Yeah. And you know what quality, Why
Speaker 1: doesn't she open up a door or two for you? Huh? Sure? Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean I don't. I would necessarily be like open
Speaker 1: every door for me. But I think that it's kind
Speaker 1: of still like to have that expectation for your partner
Speaker 1: to have you open the doors for them, just you know,
Speaker 1: could be wrong WITHLD be right, Yeah, let's see what
Speaker 1: else have we got here? Not wanting to share how
Speaker 1: many people have slept with I don't think that's crazy
Speaker 1: at all. I also don't think that's crazy. I don't
Speaker 1: think Caitlin and I've ever shared that number with each other.
Speaker 1: Um yeah, I don't think it's a number that you
Speaker 1: really need to know. I mean certain instances, like you
Speaker 1: need to know. Hey, if we know someone mutually and
Speaker 1: we hooked up one night, sure you want to tell
Speaker 1: them that, be honest, But like to be like, hey,
Speaker 1: this is how many people have slept with without them asking.
Speaker 1: That's crazy. Don't like you don't need to know that stuff.
Speaker 1: Why would you? Why would you just want to bring
Speaker 1: up the past and just have people's feelings hurt? Like
Speaker 1: there's no point, right, I think the most important thing
Speaker 1: is how many people have you slept with since you
Speaker 1: and I slept with each other the first time? Like
Speaker 1: that's kind of like the only really real number that
Speaker 1: matters in terms of a relationship in my opinion. Oh,
Speaker 1: a thousand percern? I mean, or you could just you know,
Speaker 1: data virgin like I did. Um uh, needing a title
Speaker 1: after a month of the talking stage, huh depends on
Speaker 1: how intense to talking stages. If you guys are just
Speaker 1: texting and you haven't met in person, that's a little crazy.
Speaker 1: But if you guys been going on dates and hanging
Speaker 1: out with each other multiple times a week for a month. Yeah,
Speaker 1: put the title on and slap it on their boyfriend girlfriend.
Speaker 1: Let's do it. Um, I think that is a little crazy.
Speaker 1: Explain I think that. Well, I don't know, Maybe you're right,
Speaker 1: Maybe it's not that crazy. It's always okay in my opinion,
Speaker 1: to like desire more or like have us like a
Speaker 1: need that you want build, right, Like, if one of
Speaker 1: your needs is having label on the relationship, then yeah,
Speaker 1: it's it's in your right to go and get that,
Speaker 1: uh that that label put on the relationship. But like
Speaker 1: I think, if you have to ask, it's probably not
Speaker 1: what you wanted to be. And so why don't you
Speaker 1: just like sit back, relax, let everything unfold. And I
Speaker 1: don't know, I guess I'm just a little more laid
Speaker 1: back than that. But I can see why people would
Speaker 1: say that. Like I think of a girl who likes
Speaker 1: a guy and she's worth like the guys like looking
Speaker 1: at with a girl or something like that, she would
Speaker 1: be like, tell me what we are otherwise I'm gonna
Speaker 1: walk sort of thing. So I can see both sides
Speaker 1: of the argument on that one. Oh, I think it
Speaker 1: never ends well when you don't put a label on it.
Speaker 1: Maybe not after a month, but after like two months.
Speaker 1: I think guys and girls are just different about this,
Speaker 1: And I'm right with you, man, I am in the
Speaker 1: same mindset. I remember in my twenties, like I was
Speaker 1: this girl and I were hanging out and we were
Speaker 1: very upfront about, hey, we don't want to be in
Speaker 1: a relationship, we just want to have fun. And I
Speaker 1: was very front about it, so she she was like,
Speaker 1: this is exactly what I want. And then, of course
Speaker 1: what happens. I'm gonna sound like a dick saying this,
Speaker 1: but a few weeks in, like she just wants to
Speaker 1: be in a relationship and starts developing feelings and we
Speaker 1: have this awkward conversation where I was like, well, not
Speaker 1: much has changed for me, and I felt like such
Speaker 1: a jerk. But I was up front and honest in
Speaker 1: the beginning, and then things changed over time. I just
Speaker 1: think as a guy, it's so much easier to be like, oh, yeah,
Speaker 1: let's just take our time and not think too much
Speaker 1: about it and just have some fun. And it never
Speaker 1: ends up working out in the end. It's like always
Speaker 1: gonna end messy if you have that mindset. That's why
Speaker 1: I say just go for it, jump in commit, see
Speaker 1: what happens, and then you know, let the chips follow
Speaker 1: where they may. Yeah, no, I agree. I think that's
Speaker 1: that's that's not a bad way to look at it.
Speaker 1: All right, Well, we do have a great guest coming up. Well,
Speaker 1: but we have we do have to get our to
Speaker 1: our guest, Jocelyn, because she is waiting for us. Johncelyn Johnson.
Speaker 1: Joscelyn Johnson say that five times fast from Happeny Happy
Speaker 1: Partner's Project dot com is joining us on the podcast
Speaker 1: next we'll still talk about some of these crazy or
Speaker 1: not scenarios. We also have your wonderful emails, so we're
Speaker 1: gonna get to all of that in just a second.
Speaker 1: But of course we've gotta take a quick break. All right,
Speaker 1: welcome back to help I suck at dating. Like we
Speaker 1: said before the break, we have a great guest who's
Speaker 1: joining us via zoom right now from the Happy Partners
Speaker 1: Project dot com. It is Joscelyn Johnson. Jocelyn, thank you
Speaker 1: so much for joining us today. I'm stoked to be here.
Speaker 1: Good to see you. Good to see you as well.
Speaker 1: So Joscelyn. Like I said, you are from Happy Partners Projects,
Speaker 1: So tell everybody listening right now a little bit about that. Yeah,
Speaker 1: Happy Partners Project is a relationship check in process for couples.
Speaker 1: So that really takes shape as questions on cards. It's
Speaker 1: a physical card deck. There are over eighty prompts and
Speaker 1: questions for couples that just are proactive. It avoids the
Speaker 1: we need to talk moment in relationship, right. It more
Speaker 1: takes a proactive stance to that. There are five categories
Speaker 1: sex and intimacy, which we call connection, future gazing, conflict, refriending,
Speaker 1: and of course I'm like drawing a blank on my
Speaker 1: last one. Gratitude very nice. You know it always conversations
Speaker 1: always immediately or awkward if you're to start it off,
Speaker 1: Hey we need to talk, like you know, it's just
Speaker 1: going downhill from there. Yeah, that's like, hey, bad news,
Speaker 1: Like you might as well just say I have bad news. Um,
Speaker 1: can you give us some examples of like, for example, like,
Speaker 1: I know you have the five categories, so let's go
Speaker 1: sex and intimacy. What would be some of the prompts
Speaker 1: under that category? Yeah, so this I have one ready
Speaker 1: for you. So this one is with eyes closed, by
Speaker 1: show of fingers, from one to ten, what number would
Speaker 1: you give our relationship right now? And then what would happen?
Speaker 1: So from one to ten? So um, I might give
Speaker 1: what what what number would you give your relationship right now? Jared?
Speaker 1: From a scale of one to ten? Honestly, a nine.
Speaker 1: I'm extremely lucky. And if you had to guess, um,
Speaker 1: what Ashley would give, what do you think she would
Speaker 1: give nine or ten? She she better, she'd better give
Speaker 1: you a nine. Yeah, So what's cool about this is
Speaker 1: that what is a nine? Like, what does the nine mean?
Speaker 1: You know? It's good and so both parts, Yeah, but
Speaker 1: both partners get to decide, like what is a nine
Speaker 1: to you? Like a nine might mean that we've been
Speaker 1: hanging out, We've been going on crazy adventures. I've been
Speaker 1: like traveling with Dean and his van and we've been
Speaker 1: having a great time. And for someone else it might
Speaker 1: mean like, oh, we've been holed up in the house
Speaker 1: and we've watched a movie once together this week, you know.
Speaker 1: So it just gives the couples a chance to start
Speaker 1: having more broad discussion around what is a good relationship?
Speaker 1: What does the nine even mean? What does the three
Speaker 1: even mean. And then the follow up to that is like,
Speaker 1: what actions would we could we take that would bring
Speaker 1: that closer to a ten, because ten obviously is what
Speaker 1: we wanted to be at. Yeah, can you even be
Speaker 1: out of ten? I mean, it is the dream. I
Speaker 1: think it's not possible, probably, but I do think it
Speaker 1: is the aspiration. It's the aspiration. But there's no such
Speaker 1: thing as a perfect relationship, and I think striving towards
Speaker 1: a perfect relationship is striving towards something that doesn't exist.
Speaker 1: I would, I actually would agree with you on that
Speaker 1: that you know, perfection is not the goal, but the
Speaker 1: ten and the and the needle may move right, So
Speaker 1: what is a nine for me today may not be
Speaker 1: a nine for me in sixty days or even next
Speaker 1: year or five years down the line. But what it
Speaker 1: does get us to is like recalibrating, like, Okay, how
Speaker 1: do we continue to work together to get to the
Speaker 1: best possible dynamic we want to be creating in our
Speaker 1: relationship right now at any given time. By having them
Speaker 1: closed their eyes and hold up their fingers to answer
Speaker 1: the question what you're really hoping for is just like
Speaker 1: spark a conversation to figure out, well, what exactly. It
Speaker 1: is both partners kind of perceive as their ideal And
Speaker 1: when you say you have those five categories, you ask
Speaker 1: that same question for each five categories. No, so, like,
Speaker 1: let's pull another one here. We've got refriending. What are
Speaker 1: the main stressors in your life currently? And what can
Speaker 1: I do to alleviate that stress for you? If only
Speaker 1: a small amount? Mm hmm, that means great question. There
Speaker 1: is a good question. What are my main stresses in
Speaker 1: like time? Do you have my check engine light has
Speaker 1: been on for the past like four thousand miles. That's
Speaker 1: not good. His band's gonna break down at any point
Speaker 1: before he gets to Colorado. That's pretty stressful. That's very stressful.
Speaker 1: You gotta see if Kaylin can like jump online and
Speaker 1: find you a like repair shop on the way, that's
Speaker 1: she can be like doing the googling while you're on
Speaker 1: the road, you know. Warrior over here. I think my
Speaker 1: big thing when it comes to like stresses like that
Speaker 1: is it's like I feel like it's my responsibility to
Speaker 1: fix it myself. So I would never like ask Klin,
Speaker 1: for instance, to fix the stress for me. You know. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so it's said that she would be looking to fix
Speaker 1: the stress for you. What's the opportunity there is, Like
Speaker 1: what support could she provide to you as you look
Speaker 1: to manage your own stress. So the example that I
Speaker 1: gave there where she's just like jumping online and maybe
Speaker 1: like you're on the road and you're like, hey, this
Speaker 1: is becoming imminent and I'm going to be in snow soon.
Speaker 1: I'm going to call Loorado, So I like, don't want
Speaker 1: to break down on the side of the road with
Speaker 1: my engine. And if I'm like right in that pass on,
Speaker 1: you know, that section of ice seventy where you're in
Speaker 1: no man's land, you know, so she may be able
Speaker 1: to just while she's on her computer find someplace for
Speaker 1: you that looks reliable. That would be her supporting and
Speaker 1: alleviating that stress, just even a little bit for you.
Speaker 1: She's taking care of it for you. You You know, you're
Speaker 1: a big man, You're a grown man. You could do it. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I wish you would just come here, take the van
Speaker 1: and put the new or two censer and the van's
Speaker 1: asking for But unfortunately neither of us can do that.
Speaker 1: And I think it's important though, to also have that
Speaker 1: conversation about the stress that your significant other puts on you,
Speaker 1: even on intentionally, because I find it impossible that like
Speaker 1: the person in your relationship, there's not anything that like
Speaker 1: annoys you, you know. I find myself sometimes when Ashley
Speaker 1: says something that like rubs me the wrong way. I
Speaker 1: don't know an example, but she's like, oh, why didn't
Speaker 1: you do that? And then it's just it's like the
Speaker 1: wrong time, and I'm like, you know what, you know what,
Speaker 1: really you will you do this that bugs me? And
Speaker 1: so it just like comes off in anger when it
Speaker 1: shouldn't be. So I wonder if having this conversation and
Speaker 1: just be like, you know, listen, something that kind of
Speaker 1: you know, bugs me a little bit. Don't get bad.
Speaker 1: I don't want you to change yourself, but you know,
Speaker 1: maybe it's just something to be aware of. I think
Speaker 1: those are important conversations to have and probably improve their relationship. Absolutely. Yeah, So, Jared,
Speaker 1: what's the last thing that actually did that annoyed you
Speaker 1: or stressed you out? Do you remember? That's a good question? Actually,
Speaker 1: what the hell? So she uh, this is so stupid,
Speaker 1: But I feel like Dean can relate and hopefully everybody
Speaker 1: just laughs at me for the fact that I'm even
Speaker 1: saying this, but we're on Cameo, and Cameo is an
Speaker 1: app where you get to record, like Ashley and I
Speaker 1: have the opportunity to record word messages, birthday messages people
Speaker 1: and it's really cool and it's it's amazing and I
Speaker 1: would never claim about it, but sometimes when I want
Speaker 1: to get that, you know, Cameo is done and like, oh, no,
Speaker 1: these are expiring soon, let's do them now. And she's like, no,
Speaker 1: I can't do him now, and she's like, I I
Speaker 1: need I need to just I need to do I'm
Speaker 1: going to do them later. Or like we're standing up
Speaker 1: and I'm like, oh, let's just do this one right now.
Speaker 1: She's like, no, I need to I can't do it
Speaker 1: standing up. I need to like sit down and do it.
Speaker 1: And I'm like why, just get it done. And so
Speaker 1: that's like I just remember last night because I was
Speaker 1: super tired. It was going to bed and we got
Speaker 1: a notification that I was Cameo is expiring, and I
Speaker 1: was like, oh crap, we gotta do this and she's like, okay,
Speaker 1: let me do this for us and I'm like no,
Speaker 1: I'm exhausted, I'm going to bed. And anyway, that's that's
Speaker 1: the last thing that I remember, so very very first
Speaker 1: world of me to even say that, Hey, but these
Speaker 1: are the things that like, over time, you know, they
Speaker 1: can add up and they can build up, and if
Speaker 1: you don't have an ongoing dialogue about them, then it's
Speaker 1: when you're in that really flared up place that all
Speaker 1: of a sudden the brain goes back to that and
Speaker 1: then you're like, yeah, and remember, like you never want
Speaker 1: to do the cameos when I'm ready, It's like, wait
Speaker 1: a minute, like how is this even really? Like, so
Speaker 1: giving a proactive space to just air those kinds of
Speaker 1: grievances and then go back into you know, gratitude and
Speaker 1: like connection and talking about the things that are fascinating
Speaker 1: you in your life right then sort of like diffuses
Speaker 1: the charge out of those moments if you're in an
Speaker 1: ongoing conversation. That's why I gave our relationship at nine
Speaker 1: because if the biggest complaint I have right now I
Speaker 1: thought my head as cameos, then it's really not not
Speaker 1: nothing to complained about. Yeah, So Johnson, I was thinking,
Speaker 1: can you run through some of the cards with Dan
Speaker 1: and I because I would love to kind of play
Speaker 1: the game, uh and find out a little bit more
Speaker 1: about Dean's relationship as well. Yeah, okay, so, um let's
Speaker 1: pull up another one. Okay, this one's for Dean. What
Speaker 1: is so we're going to be answering on the you know,
Speaker 1: Dean's going to be answering on his side his responses. Ideally,
Speaker 1: I would be Calin, and i'd be able to, you know,
Speaker 1: be in collaboration with him around this. But um, let's
Speaker 1: go to solving conflict. Okay, have I said or done
Speaker 1: anything consciously or unconsciously? I'm Calin. So has Klin said
Speaker 1: or done anything consciously or unconsciously that negatively affected you?
Speaker 1: Be specific but not accusational in your explanation. Negatively affected me?
Speaker 1: I don't think so, I mean, anything that Calin says
Speaker 1: or does, or anyone says or does is really kind
Speaker 1: of my decision on how I react to it, right,
Speaker 1: So that's gonna how I always view that. So I
Speaker 1: would never say that she was responsible for any type
Speaker 1: of my actions, which I know is that kind of
Speaker 1: a cop out answer, and like it's obviously not really
Speaker 1: helpful towards this exercise, but that's kind of how I
Speaker 1: always see it. Where it's like, if I even get
Speaker 1: upset with her for anything. I'm like, I'm not an
Speaker 1: episode with you. I like just need to figure out
Speaker 1: how I'm going to handle this situation, Like, you know,
Speaker 1: I that kind of thing. Like the last thing that
Speaker 1: Caitlin and I even had like a fuss about was
Speaker 1: I hate being like on a schedule, and I hate
Speaker 1: like being like, Okay, we're gonna be here on this day,
Speaker 1: like especially when I'm driving the van, you know, because
Speaker 1: everything kind of is like always moving around, things are
Speaker 1: changing all the time. Um, And she's going to meet
Speaker 1: me in Aspen at in my hometown for a couple
Speaker 1: of days, and she's like, Okay, like what day should
Speaker 1: I meet you? I don't know. I don't know what
Speaker 1: days you should meet me, Like I have no idea
Speaker 1: what's gonna happen tomorrow. How am I supposed to know
Speaker 1: what's gonna be happening next week? And then I could
Speaker 1: like feel myself like getting frustrated, and I was like,
Speaker 1: why am I responding this way? I don't know, I'm sorry,
Speaker 1: this is like misdirected anger. So um, that's kind of
Speaker 1: like what I always think to myself. It's like it's
Speaker 1: nothing she's doing wrong. It's always like the way that
Speaker 1: I'm just like reacting to it, you know what I mean. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean in that situation too, it's great that you're
Speaker 1: able to even go to the you know, misdirected anger
Speaker 1: because you've clearly got other things that are going on,
Speaker 1: and being um directed towards the commitment of a timeline
Speaker 1: is a lot, right then, you know, commitments hard enough,
Speaker 1: especially timeline commitments. Man, totally, when you're a road warrior
Speaker 1: and you're out there and you're just kind of going,
Speaker 1: you don't know what's going to come up that could
Speaker 1: impact your journey. I'm like, listen, my check engine light
Speaker 1: still on. I don't even know if I'm gonna make
Speaker 1: it a hundred miles from this point. But but yeah,
Speaker 1: I like we'll have a full conversation and then like
Speaker 1: she's like, I know you hate. She'll like even say that,
Speaker 1: She's like, I know you hate like scheduling things like
Speaker 1: expecting when you're supposed to be places, but like I
Speaker 1: kind of need to know, like I need to book
Speaker 1: a airplane ticket and I'm a guy, I don't know,
Speaker 1: I don't know figure it out. Think you figure out
Speaker 1: on your own, you book it and I'll be there
Speaker 1: and I'm you know, like that kind of thing. But yeah,
Speaker 1: it's definitely like it's definitely not like an issue, but
Speaker 1: it's like one thing that we like pick her about
Speaker 1: sometimes for your leadership in that moment, you know she's
Speaker 1: looking to you for leadership and you're kind of like,
Speaker 1: I'm not ready to be a leader right this minute.
Speaker 1: Well it's not even Yeah, I guess it's I guess
Speaker 1: you're absolutely right. It's kind of like a leadership thing.
Speaker 1: But it's like I'm like, well, if you want to come,
Speaker 1: you come. You like book your flight for when you
Speaker 1: want to be there, and I'll like figure out on
Speaker 1: my end how to get there when you want to
Speaker 1: be there. I don't want to be like, come on
Speaker 1: this day, because what if she really wanted to come
Speaker 1: on another day. It's like I want her to make
Speaker 1: the decision and once she wants to come, and then
Speaker 1: I'll figure out the rest from there. Jocelyn, I would
Speaker 1: just like to point out that you're getting an inside
Speaker 1: look of how we schedule the podcast. He's like, why
Speaker 1: we why we're going to do it every week at
Speaker 1: twelve o'clock on Friday, Like, sure, I'm free this Friday,
Speaker 1: but next Friday, who knows what the hell I'm gonna
Speaker 1: be doing to be in the life in the head
Speaker 1: of the last like three weeks, especially to or No.
Speaker 1: I think there was like three weeks in a row
Speaker 1: where I was like, hey, can we push the podcast
Speaker 1: back like two hours day? And every time they're like, no,
Speaker 1: all right, I'll figure it out. In the last three
Speaker 1: weeks alone, I was like I wanted to take so
Speaker 1: bad and like, hey can push it. But I've been
Speaker 1: pretty good lately. I gotta say you've been great. I
Speaker 1: can't complain you've been great lately. And I've actually appreciated
Speaker 1: the listening and hearing that you're at the top of
Speaker 1: a mountain this day and like, you know, figuring out
Speaker 1: the WiFi connection that day. It's kind of I'm living
Speaker 1: vicariously through you in the moments as well, Like I
Speaker 1: like keeping people on their toes, so in those moments though,
Speaker 1: when Kaylin is wanting that leadership from you, it may
Speaker 1: even just be used to being able to say it.
Speaker 1: Let me take a break, come back and think about
Speaker 1: it and get clear on like what a time like
Speaker 1: I could look like, and then actually go back to
Speaker 1: her and give her some give her what she's looking for. Yeah, no,
Speaker 1: I know I can handle that all lot stuff better.
Speaker 1: I'm working on it. I um I uh yeah. I
Speaker 1: like shut down and I like get a like annoyed,
Speaker 1: and I don't like being annoyed. But I don't know
Speaker 1: how to describe it. It's like my thing is. It's
Speaker 1: like it's like if it's your thing, you figure it
Speaker 1: out and then we'll like find a way to come together,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. But I understand your point
Speaker 1: of like just like making a decision and then sticking
Speaker 1: to that decision, like it definitely helps, especially with timelines
Speaker 1: and all that kind of stuff. Definitely something I'm working on.
Speaker 1: I want to I would like to say that Johnce
Speaker 1: and I did want to get to one of the
Speaker 1: categories future gazing. Um so, but do you know I
Speaker 1: want you to play along in Johnston, I want you
Speaker 1: to play along as as well. And it says to
Speaker 1: list three power words or phrases that some up. How
Speaker 1: do you want your relationship to be so Jocelyn, why
Speaker 1: don't you start because you've created the game, so you
Speaker 1: know how to play better than us. What are three
Speaker 1: words or three phrases that some up the relationship that
Speaker 1: you want to be in. Oh, so in our relationship,
Speaker 1: we're committed to radical transparency. So that's one of the
Speaker 1: words that that guides how we communicate. What's difference between
Speaker 1: transparency and radical transparency. So radical transparency means I'm willing
Speaker 1: to be honest with you about really anything that comes up,
Speaker 1: and some of that may not always be prettier what
Speaker 1: you want to hear, but I'm committed to telling you
Speaker 1: what my truth is in that moment, which is different
Speaker 1: than brutal honesty to be honest, because brutal is like
Speaker 1: not being willing to soften maybe what you're experiencing. But um,
Speaker 1: for instance, for me, if there's a moment where you know,
Speaker 1: my partner is perusing social media or he like checks
Speaker 1: out some woman and I'm like, oh, did you think
Speaker 1: she was hot? I would rather him say like, yeah,
Speaker 1: I think she's hot. I was like looking at her,
Speaker 1: not from a place of like him wanting to be
Speaker 1: with her, but just acknowledging like, yeah, I was like
Speaker 1: checking her out because of whatever, whatever whatever, Right then
Speaker 1: being like oh no, of course I wasn't, and actually
Speaker 1: going into a lie because if he's willing to default
Speaker 1: to a lie on that, then what other things is
Speaker 1: he willing to default to a lie on? Right, So
Speaker 1: I'm I'm more accepting of of his truth or his
Speaker 1: honesty in that moment then of allowing like there to
Speaker 1: be all these little gateways to lies and not non truths. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I think it's great career. In the podcast last on
Speaker 1: the podcast last week, I said it and I'll say
Speaker 1: it again, there's that Henry Throughout quote that says, more
Speaker 1: than love, more than fame, more than money, give me truth.
Speaker 1: And I think that really kind of really nails it.
Speaker 1: Like just be radically transparent about everything that's going on, because, yeah,
Speaker 1: you're gonna find other people attractive. I say, that's scaling
Speaker 1: all the time. I like it's funny. We've even gone
Speaker 1: to the point where it's like I see like a
Speaker 1: hot guy walking down the street, I'm like, Wow, that
Speaker 1: guy is really hot. Yeah, And it comes from a
Speaker 1: very secure places. It's just like fun to talk about
Speaker 1: because like I feel like a lot of couples you're
Speaker 1: looking grain to like only talk about how attractive you
Speaker 1: find each other, which is obviously obviously absolutely true, but
Speaker 1: like there are still it's a world full of attractive
Speaker 1: people out there, you know, Yeah, and the hard conversations ultimately,
Speaker 1: like what bring you back together and allow you to
Speaker 1: continue to evolve over time, Like we're not going to
Speaker 1: be the same people today that we are in you know,
Speaker 1: even a month, Like I said that earlier in in
Speaker 1: this conversation, I am going to be fundamentally a different
Speaker 1: person in five years. And Jared, I think you've mentioned
Speaker 1: that you guys are contemplate eating family in those types
Speaker 1: of moves as well, So what you want today is
Speaker 1: going to be different than what you want once you
Speaker 1: have a family and once you guys have kids that
Speaker 1: have left the house. So being able to be committed
Speaker 1: to like a full discussion is important totally. And I
Speaker 1: think uncomfortable conversations are extremely important. We're kind of seeing
Speaker 1: that with Race right now, specifically in the Bachelor franchise.
Speaker 1: And you know Emmanuel Acho who's hosting the afterfinal rows.
Speaker 1: He does the uncomfortable conversations with the black Man, which
Speaker 1: are extremely uh engaging and great. So I advise everybody
Speaker 1: to go watch them, especially if you're a Bachelor fan,
Speaker 1: so you can familiar eyes with Emmanuel, but not just
Speaker 1: with Race, but just relationships and your partner and having
Speaker 1: uncomfortable conversations because life can be quite uncomfortable at times,
Speaker 1: and it's important to express yourself in radical transparency, as
Speaker 1: you said. So, Dean, what is one word or phrase
Speaker 1: that describes the relationship you want to be in? Bro?
Speaker 1: Maybe like adventurous? Okay? Is that fair? Yeah, that's very fair,
Speaker 1: adventurous relationship. Do you think Caitlin Callen seems that she's
Speaker 1: very willing to be adventurous for you? Uh? Well, I
Speaker 1: would like her to be adventurous for herself rather than
Speaker 1: adventurous for me, because that would just like me and
Speaker 1: she's doing what I want rather than doing what she wants.
Speaker 1: But yeah, I don't know. I think I think she's
Speaker 1: very courageous espencially when it comes to like traveling and
Speaker 1: all that kind of stuff. She's like just broadening her
Speaker 1: horizons and still working on it. But um, I think
Speaker 1: the more exposure she has to like taking risks and
Speaker 1: you like, getting outside of her comfort zone, the more
Speaker 1: keen she becomes to them do it later on. And
Speaker 1: I think that kind of comes like like I didn't
Speaker 1: start doing all that stuff until I was the age
Speaker 1: that she's at now. So I've kind of fully understood
Speaker 1: that I've got a four year head start on her. UM.
Speaker 1: But yeah, that's kind of what That's what I would say.
Speaker 1: What about you, what's yours? Dean? I'm also curious. I'm
Speaker 1: also curious from from Dean if that adventurous translates into
Speaker 1: other areas of the relationship, not just like outdoor adventures
Speaker 1: or being willing to try new things, if that actually
Speaker 1: means just adventurous as like a personality type sort of
Speaker 1: adventurous and all kinds of categories of your Oh, I mean,
Speaker 1: I think that's absolutely true. I think my biggest fear
Speaker 1: is like monotony or like normalcy. And I think by
Speaker 1: being adventurous, even just outside of like exploration and extreme
Speaker 1: activities and all that kind of stuff, like you don't
Speaker 1: have to be super into that stuff, as long as
Speaker 1: you can be like a like a crazy interesting person
Speaker 1: to hang out with. And I think being crazy interesting
Speaker 1: kind of falls in hand and hand with being adventurous. UM.
Speaker 1: And that's what that's what I appreciate so much about
Speaker 1: Kalin is even when we're not doing something that like
Speaker 1: is is like physically stimulating UM, like sky diving or skiing,
Speaker 1: or whatever. We can still like just hang out and
Speaker 1: like be like just throw complete curveballs at each other
Speaker 1: in terms of like being goofballs. And so that's what
Speaker 1: kind of what I appreciate, Like it maintains the excitement
Speaker 1: even when we're not doing anything exciting. You knowable our
Speaker 1: time is running out but quickly, Johncelyn, I wanted to
Speaker 1: ask you, what are your two other uh phrases or
Speaker 1: words that you use to describe the relationship you want
Speaker 1: to be in. Mine would also be fun and curious.
Speaker 1: Curious is good. Yeah, curiosity is really great. I'm just
Speaker 1: a voracious learner and curious and so in our relationship
Speaker 1: and outside is great. Yeah, curious about life, curious about
Speaker 1: each other, like all kinds of topics. If there's a question,
Speaker 1: I am curious to find out the answer. And I
Speaker 1: think that brings a lot of juju and juice into
Speaker 1: our relationship. Yeah, that's for sure. I remember, well, I
Speaker 1: was gonna say, I remember my my cover letter out
Speaker 1: of college was whenever I was applying for jobs, I
Speaker 1: had a quote from Einstein that said, I have no
Speaker 1: special talents. I'm only passionately curious. And I think that
Speaker 1: still holds some truth today. I think curiosity is very
Speaker 1: often overlooked and it's like pretty important, I think in
Speaker 1: terms of personality. But Jared, we haven't heard a single
Speaker 1: one from you. Let's hear one from you. What's your
Speaker 1: word that describes your relationship with Ashley? I would say supportive. Um, yeah, Uh,
Speaker 1: what's a good one? Um, I'd say supportive. I mean
Speaker 1: curiosity is a great one as well being curious about
Speaker 1: different aspects of life. Just being curious about everything I
Speaker 1: think is extremely important and being open minded um, because
Speaker 1: I have certain things that I really care about. And
Speaker 1: one of my favorite parts of my relationship with ash
Speaker 1: is that she's so willing to uh invest in the
Speaker 1: things that I'm passionate about and that means so much
Speaker 1: to me. Like it sounds so stupid, but the fact
Speaker 1: that she goes to Patriot Gains with me and where's
Speaker 1: Tom Brady Jerseys and like it's just all about it.
Speaker 1: It just brings me so much joy that I got
Speaker 1: to share the experience of the things that I love
Speaker 1: with the person I want to um or even going
Speaker 1: to you know, see superhero movies, which is something that
Speaker 1: I really enjoy, you know, being able to just share
Speaker 1: those experiences with Ashley, and her being so open to
Speaker 1: wanting to experience those things with me because she knows
Speaker 1: how important they are to me is something that gives
Speaker 1: me so much gratitude towards her. Uh and thanks me
Speaker 1: so happy that you know, she's my wife. So I'd say, um,
Speaker 1: you know, support would be a good one, caring, and
Speaker 1: then uh, you know, obviously loving Tom Brady. Those are
Speaker 1: my three phrases right there. Yeah, the last one carrying
Speaker 1: the most day, I agree, open mindedness, I think is
Speaker 1: a good one. I'm gonna steal that one, open mindedness
Speaker 1: for minding Calin as well. And the third and final
Speaker 1: one for me is consistent. And I think one thing
Speaker 1: that I haven't had in a lot of relationships, both
Speaker 1: romantic and platonic through friends is consistency. And so I
Speaker 1: appreciate how Kalen and my relationship isn't like voll at all,
Speaker 1: Like we don't like yell at each other, we don't
Speaker 1: like get super upset with each other. It's very consistent,
Speaker 1: very like comfortable. And I think that like all of
Speaker 1: my anxiety melts away because I know that we're not
Speaker 1: going to be like you know, pins and needles, hot
Speaker 1: and cold kind of thing. So I think those are
Speaker 1: those were some good. Those are good nine adjectives to
Speaker 1: describe relationships. Guys. I'm really proud of us. Question. It's
Speaker 1: all because of the game. So everybody needs to go
Speaker 1: check out Happy Partners Project dot com. Check out the
Speaker 1: Happy Partners Project, check in deck nailed it. Nailed it.
Speaker 1: That's so cool. This game is amazing. If you guys
Speaker 1: are in relationships, or even if you're just starting off
Speaker 1: with someoney, you want to get to know them more
Speaker 1: and really build upon your relationship, you should definitely get
Speaker 1: this card game once again. Go to Happy Partners Project
Speaker 1: dot com. Jocelyn Johnson, thank you so much for coming
Speaker 1: on the podcast. You were great. Yeah, thanks guys. Thanks
Speaker 1: welcome back, suck Army. Thank you so much for sticking
Speaker 1: through the commercials and getting back with us here. So
Speaker 1: we're gonna go ahead and um kind of keep on
Speaker 1: going with the crazy or not crazy bit, and then
Speaker 1: we're gonna jump into one quick email before getting out
Speaker 1: of here. Jared, it sounds like you have the crazy
Speaker 1: Am I Crazy list in front of you right that
Speaker 1: I do, my friend, So one person was called crazy
Speaker 1: because they said I was overthinking everything when I would
Speaker 1: only ask questions. I'm not gonna that sounds a little crazy.
Speaker 1: I can totally see how someone could be perceived as
Speaker 1: a little nutty by overthinking every aspect. And the only
Speaker 1: reason I say that is because I over analyze everything
Speaker 1: in my life and I self described myself as a
Speaker 1: little cuckoo. Yeah. I I would never call Klin crazy
Speaker 1: for asking questions, but sometimes she asks a lot of
Speaker 1: questions and I'm like, why do any of these questions matter?
Speaker 1: Like just none of these matters to anything, Like they're
Speaker 1: just pointless questions. But then she's like, I just want
Speaker 1: to know, and I'm like that makes so much sense.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything like obviously you
Speaker 1: have every right to know. So I'm the crazy one
Speaker 1: and ask the situation. I think it's fine to ask questions,
Speaker 1: it's what's wrong with being curious? Yes, fine ask questions.
Speaker 1: But sometimes when I ask questions, like you said, it's
Speaker 1: it I I get so worried about certain things, which
Speaker 1: is why I'm asking questions. And then I I have
Speaker 1: like a moment where I have to center myself and
Speaker 1: realize none of this matters, like it just go outside,
Speaker 1: enjoy the fresh ear. You know you're fine, You're fine.
Speaker 1: What what are you stressing about? So that's how I
Speaker 1: perceived this crazy or not with asking questions, because sometimes
Speaker 1: I asked too many questions and it's like, why are
Speaker 1: you worried about these things? And you're like, I don't know,
Speaker 1: I'm just crazy. There aren't crazy questions. Like let's say
Speaker 1: someone's unsure about like the sanctitude of the relationship, and
Speaker 1: they're asking, like, where are you going? Who are you
Speaker 1: going there with? Is there gonna be any girls? There?
Speaker 1: Are you guys gonna drink? Like? There's definitely a line
Speaker 1: that gets crossed that goes from being in quizzed like
Speaker 1: curious to being crazy. And I think that line is,
Speaker 1: you know, it can be cost pretty easily. But yeah,
Speaker 1: I I don't know, crazy, but only kind of crazy.
Speaker 1: Somebody said that they're significant others called them crazy because
Speaker 1: she said that she thought it was weird that he
Speaker 1: put his quote boys nights in his calendar. Listen, boys
Speaker 1: nights are very important. We need that, Like sometimes I
Speaker 1: just need like guy talk. I don't think that's crazy. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I agree, It's like I think it would be nice
Speaker 1: to be like if let's say the girlfriend was like
Speaker 1: trying to play at dinner or something and he's like,
Speaker 1: let me check my calendar quick. Oh wait, I have
Speaker 1: boys knight schedule that night. I can't do it. Like
Speaker 1: it kind of makes sense, like why wouldn't you put
Speaker 1: it in your calendar if it's something that you're looking
Speaker 1: forward to totally like your entire schedule, Like my entire
Speaker 1: schedule revolves around Ashley. So if I want to have
Speaker 1: a cool boys night and like play poker or something,
Speaker 1: I have to write then my calendar and schedule it
Speaker 1: out because I know that she's gonna like Ashley makes
Speaker 1: my schedule pretty much. She's the one who's like we're
Speaker 1: doing this that day, this that day, this that day.
Speaker 1: So the only way I'm gonna be able to make
Speaker 1: any plans with my friends is by scheduling ahead of
Speaker 1: time and putting in the calendar like two months ahut
Speaker 1: of time, right, And it kind of like lets you
Speaker 1: off the hook. Like let's say you're like, oh, sorry,
Speaker 1: I can't do that. I was gonna go hang out
Speaker 1: with my friends, and then you could like she could
Speaker 1: be like or he could be like whoever is like,
Speaker 1: you know, trying to make the plans that the other
Speaker 1: person could be like, I'm gonna get to the point.
Speaker 1: Uh Like, oh, you're just saying that because you want
Speaker 1: to get out of the plans and I'm trying to
Speaker 1: make right now. And you could be like, no, look,
Speaker 1: this has been in my calendar for a long time.
Speaker 1: I'm going to boys name. Oh totally all right, We'll
Speaker 1: have one more crazy, uh and listen, but we're not
Speaker 1: calling these people crazy. Uh, Soccer Army. Just want to
Speaker 1: make sure that you don't think we're like shaming these people.
Speaker 1: It's it's it's all for a parody. Come on now,
Speaker 1: but one more crazy or not question, answer whatever you
Speaker 1: want to call it. Asking my person to always back
Speaker 1: me up and be on my side. I mean, I
Speaker 1: don't think that's crazy at all. Like I'm pretty sure
Speaker 1: I'm told actually like, oh yeah, if you killed someone,
Speaker 1: I'd still be I'd still have your back. Yeah that's crazy.
Speaker 1: I mean that's a little crazy, I guess. I mean,
Speaker 1: obviously it would depend on what the scenario was. She
Speaker 1: just like, straight up, I don't think I can I
Speaker 1: can't let you have the hook on that one. There's
Speaker 1: definitely things that Caitlin could do that, I'd be like,
Speaker 1: what the hell did you do that for? Like, I's
Speaker 1: kind of messed up. In fact, I think I've done
Speaker 1: that before where I'm like, that's kind of silly of
Speaker 1: you to do, and I don't support that. But that's
Speaker 1: also because I'm crazy. But I think it's kind of
Speaker 1: crazy to like blindly support someone or something that's like
Speaker 1: out of your control entirely. Yeah. It's a tough one though,
Speaker 1: because like love makes you do crazy things. So like
Speaker 1: sometimes you back up people when you know they're in
Speaker 1: the wrong because you love them and you care about
Speaker 1: them and you want to support them. I don't know.
Speaker 1: That's like saying I love America regardless of what happens. No,
Speaker 1: that's not true at all. America could bad. I don't
Speaker 1: love America like that, but I love like I love
Speaker 1: Ashley like that. I'd say love I love my parents
Speaker 1: like that. Like God forbid, something that wasn't doing went
Speaker 1: out and murdered someone, I would be like, WHOA, I'm sorry,
Speaker 1: I'm getting the heck out of here. I don't I
Speaker 1: don't need an explanation, like unless it was an accident, Yeah, fine,
Speaker 1: I guess I could like see past that but if
Speaker 1: she like, uh, straight up turned into sichel Myers, Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'd be like, nope, sorry, I'm out. Um Yeah, that's crazy.
Speaker 1: That's crazy, I'm saying. I'm I'll shame people too, including
Speaker 1: any that's crazy and I think that you should be shamed. Well,
Speaker 1: let's get to an email before we Before we, Uh,
Speaker 1: you have too much flak to any of our suck army.
Speaker 1: So Mark, you want to read an email for us? Well,
Speaker 1: Mark actually dipped out, but we have the wonderful, amazing
Speaker 1: voice of an angel Easton here to read our wonderful emails.
Speaker 1: You know, I agree to do this stuff just because
Speaker 1: you guys seem to levy huge compliments on me every time,
Speaker 1: so I appreciate that. Hey, anytime, that's what we're here for. Eastern.
Speaker 1: Before you read this email, I have a feeling that
Speaker 1: you and I are about to say the same thing.
Speaker 1: I would just like to paint a picture for our
Speaker 1: listening audience. Easton is looking very dashing and a nice
Speaker 1: green crew neck sweatshirt. Green. I don't think I've ever
Speaker 1: seen you wear that color before, Eastern, but boy, oh boy,
Speaker 1: it looks very good on you. Thank you very much, Tana.
Speaker 1: I don't own a lot of green. This is a
Speaker 1: this is a California Adventure sweatshirt from two thous one
Speaker 1: that I bought on eBay and east And I was
Speaker 1: just gonna say, I watched the finale of One Division
Speaker 1: and I need to talk to you about it off air,
Speaker 1: obviously no spoilers. Is that you good? Because I asked
Speaker 1: the first episode and I was like, this show sucks.
Speaker 1: It's good, It's a great show. It's so good. It's good.
Speaker 1: It is good. But I think Easton and I are
Speaker 1: going to be I have some disagreements about how good
Speaker 1: it is for a non like for a non comic
Speaker 1: book fan. Is it a good show you think? Or
Speaker 1: is it kind of like you have to like kind
Speaker 1: of be interrenched in the universe a little bit. I
Speaker 1: think it's great if you're an oncommon. My wife does
Speaker 1: not give a rat's ass about these things, and she
Speaker 1: loved it. It was her favorite thing. Marvel's done nice.
Speaker 1: I agree. I think there's there's a lot of good
Speaker 1: in it. And I don't think you need to be
Speaker 1: a super fans to know what's happening. I think you
Speaker 1: need to be a superman to like, really really appreciate
Speaker 1: everything that's happening in the show. But no, you could
Speaker 1: totally casually watch so and be like, oh, that was
Speaker 1: really good. Anyway, enough about one of it. All right,
Speaker 1: let's do an email here. This is from anonymous. Those
Speaker 1: are our favorite, so Nick Vile, imagine your emailsking this question.
Speaker 1: I have always been told that men have a higher
Speaker 1: sex dribe than women, especially my age. I'm a female
Speaker 1: at twenty one years of age. My boyfriend's twenty two.
Speaker 1: We've been dating for four years, and our sex life
Speaker 1: has always been on his timeline. When we started dating,
Speaker 1: we're really young and we were on the same page.
Speaker 1: But recently it's been short and infrequent. There are other
Speaker 1: red flags in the relationship, but they're all related to drinking.
Speaker 1: We hang out one on one mostly and he is
Speaker 1: always drinking. Is this normal in your opinion? Is this
Speaker 1: normal for young people? Is this a reasonable Is this
Speaker 1: a reasonable grounds to end a relationship. It's starting to
Speaker 1: feel like we don't line up, but I'm not sure
Speaker 1: how much of a red flag that is for our future. Um,
Speaker 1: that's tough. And the O reason I said when she
Speaker 1: said twenty one female because I was going to try
Speaker 1: to make a joke about Nick being twenty one year
Speaker 1: old female, but really just fell flat. Um. Yeah, this
Speaker 1: one's tough because I don't know enough about the situation.
Speaker 1: Like normally, of course you're like, oh, twenty two year
Speaker 1: old guy, like he wants to have sex every five minutes,
Speaker 1: But it obviously depends on the individual, depends on the scenario.
Speaker 1: Like I'll be very transparent when I first started, you know,
Speaker 1: getting into that aspect of life in my late teens
Speaker 1: early twenties, Like, I had struggles sometimes because it's just
Speaker 1: it's a learning curve, and sometimes I didn't know why
Speaker 1: I was having difficulties that it just sometimes would happen
Speaker 1: that way. The human body is a curious thing. Curious
Speaker 1: seems to be the word of the podcast. So, um,
Speaker 1: it could be his own insecurities coming out because he
Speaker 1: feels like maybe, um, he's underwhelming in that department. I
Speaker 1: don't really know, um, or he it could be a
Speaker 1: major red flag and he's not sexually attracted to you.
Speaker 1: The only thing I didn't like was when she said, um,
Speaker 1: our sex life has always been on his timeline. I
Speaker 1: don't really know what that means, Like, you guys only
Speaker 1: have sex when he wants to that's not that's not fair.
Speaker 1: Sounds like that, and it's probably whenever he finishes, it's
Speaker 1: over kind of thing, you know what I mean. I
Speaker 1: got that vibe too. Let's know what I interpreted as.
Speaker 1: I think it's I think what's important to do with
Speaker 1: this one is uh is start from the back and
Speaker 1: work our way forward. So she at the very end,
Speaker 1: she says, is this grounds this is another reason to
Speaker 1: end the relationship. And I just want to go ahead
Speaker 1: and say absolutely, yes, it totally is. And I don't
Speaker 1: think you should even feel bad for ending a relationship
Speaker 1: because your partner is drinking so much. Like, have the
Speaker 1: conversation with him, see if he wants to change, If
Speaker 1: he doesn't a thousand percent, that's your that's your decision
Speaker 1: to make, and I would support it if you decided
Speaker 1: to leave the relationship. Um, four years also is a
Speaker 1: long time. I don't know you. I mean, you guys
Speaker 1: have obviously been a long term relationships. I'm not gonna
Speaker 1: go ahead and speak on behalf of your sex lives.
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna go ahead and say on average, I
Speaker 1: would suspect it's like a normal downward trending line in
Speaker 1: terms of frequency, at least in my own experience, I
Speaker 1: can speak in terms of that. That's definitely how it's gone. Um.
Speaker 1: And I would like to point out to Jared kind
Speaker 1: of said it, like, you know, you're twenty two years old.
Speaker 1: You what like you? I mean, I drank a lot
Speaker 1: when I was twenty two years old. I'm twenty nine.
Speaker 1: Now I drink a little bit, but not nearly as
Speaker 1: much as I did back then. I think that's like
Speaker 1: a perfectly normal thing to do. Um. But I do
Speaker 1: want to point out an emphasize you shouldn't feel guilty
Speaker 1: for leaving a relationship because of alcohol. Like if you
Speaker 1: think he's drinking too much, get other relationship. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: mean I keep thinking about like they've been a relationship
Speaker 1: for four years, he's they're like what in their early twenties, Like, yeah,
Speaker 1: he's gonna drink a lot. And also when you've been
Speaker 1: when you've been dating someone for that's a long time,
Speaker 1: Like you know, that's longer than I have been married.
Speaker 1: That's that's a long time. If you've beending someone for
Speaker 1: that long, it's gonna go down. But I think what
Speaker 1: you need to do is just talk to him about like, hey,
Speaker 1: these are things that are troubling me. And I'm sure
Speaker 1: he's very supportive and engaging partner, and he's willing to
Speaker 1: hear if you have a problem. I know I would
Speaker 1: want to know. My biggest fear is that I'm doing
Speaker 1: something that's making my partner unhappy and I have no
Speaker 1: idea because men are clueless and they think everything we
Speaker 1: do is perfect. Uh so it's not, yeah, exactly, So
Speaker 1: she you know, she just needs to talk to him
Speaker 1: about it. But also, like Dean said, you know, these
Speaker 1: are things that are important to you in a relationship,
Speaker 1: and you shouldn't feel guilty if you want to end
Speaker 1: it for those reasons. Four years is a long time,
Speaker 1: But Anonymous, this is what I think you should do.
Speaker 1: I think you should go to Happy partners Project dot com.
Speaker 1: Picked yourself up a Happy Partner's project check in deck okay,
Speaker 1: because I think you need to check into your relationship.
Speaker 1: You said you want to play this game with him,
Speaker 1: and then you make sure that the card on top
Speaker 1: is about set and be like, oh, look at this.
Speaker 1: You know, like how many times a week to you
Speaker 1: want to have sex? And then it can just get
Speaker 1: the conversation the ball rolling, so you can be like, hey, listen,
Speaker 1: these are some of my insecurities. It feels like we're
Speaker 1: not as intimate anymore. You've been drinking a lot. I
Speaker 1: would definitely not come about it in an accusatory way.
Speaker 1: I would try to come about it from an understanding,
Speaker 1: in a place of care and say I love you,
Speaker 1: I want to be with you, but these are things
Speaker 1: that are concerned me because it's tough. It's tough having
Speaker 1: serious conversations when you're earning your early twenties, because like,
Speaker 1: you know, you're just having fun. You're twenty one and
Speaker 1: twenty two, and you have your whole life ahead of you.
Speaker 1: And so I would try to have a serious conversation,
Speaker 1: but I'm not going to say it's gonna be easy,
Speaker 1: But that would be my advice. It's funny how quick
Speaker 1: we are to talk about sex with our friends, but
Speaker 1: then when it comes to the actual people that we're
Speaker 1: having it with, we're like kinda, you know, tiptoe around
Speaker 1: the subject a lot. Like I think I've talked about
Speaker 1: this on the podcast before. I didn't really start asking
Speaker 1: girls what they preferred romantically until I was like twenty
Speaker 1: six seven years old, and I'm like, why did I
Speaker 1: wait so long to start asking these questions that seemed
Speaker 1: like I should have been asking them since the very beginning.
Speaker 1: It's hard, though, because I think it's hard because I
Speaker 1: was just gonna say, like, as a guy, you're like
Speaker 1: expected to know. I'd say that's the one thing that
Speaker 1: sucks about being a dude, even though I'm very grateful
Speaker 1: to be a guy, especially while seeing actually trying to
Speaker 1: get pregnant, Like there's a lot that goes into the
Speaker 1: human body. Um, but uh, it's just like, as a guy,
Speaker 1: at least in my twenties, I like I was always
Speaker 1: operating under the fear that like it would be unsexy
Speaker 1: if I asked them what they liked, you know, because
Speaker 1: it's just as a guy, you're like, oh, I'm supposed
Speaker 1: to know these things. I'm supposed to take control and
Speaker 1: and you know, be the one who who pleasures here,
Speaker 1: you know. Yeah. I remember building up the courage to
Speaker 1: ask that the girl was having sex with, like in
Speaker 1: high school, like what what am I doing wrong? What
Speaker 1: do you like? And she's like, I don't know, I
Speaker 1: don't know what I like, you know, and she's like,
Speaker 1: just do whatever you want. And I remember feeling like
Speaker 1: let's let's let's mess up. It's not it's not about Yeah,
Speaker 1: I feel grateful just to be having sex with you, exactly.
Speaker 1: I agree, though it's silly. It's like, yeah, we're expected
Speaker 1: to know, but then do we also think that they're
Speaker 1: expected to know what we like because not to get
Speaker 1: to like graphic or anything. But like, I feel like
Speaker 1: women are conditioned to think that guys don't like hand jobs.
Speaker 1: I fully enjoy that. I think that's probably one of
Speaker 1: my top two favorite things. But like girls, I think
Speaker 1: just you know, they assume because the guys always talk
Speaker 1: so nigly about them. I don't know, but you're right.
Speaker 1: I think radical transparency, as Jocelyn put it, is the
Speaker 1: most important thing. Uh. And and to our anonymous emailer,
Speaker 1: try yeah, like Jared said, go on that website and
Speaker 1: shy and see if you can spark some conversations because
Speaker 1: it does sound like that could be pretty beneficial. And
Speaker 1: try and practice some radical transparency. But uh, that that
Speaker 1: was good. That's that seems helpful in my opinion. Um,
Speaker 1: that's gonna do it. For this week's episode of Help
Speaker 1: I suck a dating Jared from his closet in California
Speaker 1: and me from my van in Rollins, Wyoming. We would
Speaker 1: like to thank you guys for listening to this week's
Speaker 1: episode of Help I Suck At Dating. Thank you to
Speaker 1: Easton for for reading the email for us and for
Speaker 1: sharing his story about him being able to do whatever
Speaker 1: he wanted with his high school sexual partner. UM that's always.
Speaker 1: Thank you to Jocelyn as well, Jared. Where could our
Speaker 1: listeners find Jocelyn's resources? You got a Happy Partners Project
Speaker 1: dot com dot com. That's where you can learn more
Speaker 1: about Jocelyn. Learn more about the Happy Partner's Project check
Speaker 1: in deck, which is just a fantastic name. Yeah there
Speaker 1: you go check it out, uh, and be sure to
Speaker 1: tune in next week because it's gonna be a great
Speaker 1: episode and you know what, maybe we'll suck just a
Speaker 1: little bit less. Follow help by Suck at Dating on
Speaker 1: I Heart Radio or wherever you listen to podcast