WEBVTT - Thursday Therapy: Mind Your Manners 0:00:01.960 --> 0:00:05.359 Wind Down with Janet Kramer and I'm Heart Radio podcast. 0:00:06.920 --> 0:00:10.080 So this week's Thursday Therapy, we have Sarah Jane Hoe. 0:00:10.119 --> 0:00:13.560 She's a Harvard Business School grad, Netflix star and manners 0:00:13.680 --> 0:00:17.920 expert who founded institutes in China to teach manners and etiquette. 0:00:18.239 --> 0:00:20.880 Her new book, Mind Your Manners is out now. So 0:00:20.920 --> 0:00:23.200 the book provides readers the tools that can help us 0:00:23.239 --> 0:00:27.240 all to thrive socially, professionally, and romantically at home and abroad, 0:00:27.560 --> 0:00:31.159 both in person and online. So let's see how we 0:00:31.240 --> 0:00:35.800 can improve our manners friendship, social work, dating relationships, family, food, 0:00:35.840 --> 0:00:37.120 and travel. Let's get around. 0:00:37.800 --> 0:00:42.600 Hi, Hi Jana, how are you? I am well, Thank 0:00:42.640 --> 0:00:44.920 you so much for inter It's such an honor. 0:00:45.720 --> 0:00:47.879 Oh my gosh, you're so sweet. I mean, it's an 0:00:47.920 --> 0:00:50.160 honor to chat with you. Congrats because by the time 0:00:50.200 --> 0:00:54.560 this episode airs, your book will be out, so I'm 0:00:54.600 --> 0:00:56.560 so excited to get my hands on it too, because 0:00:57.200 --> 0:01:02.760 manners is a big, big thing in our household. But 0:01:03.280 --> 0:01:05.319 I love the fact that your book breaks it down 0:01:05.360 --> 0:01:07.959 into the different parts too, because I've never really thought 0:01:07.959 --> 0:01:11.039 about it in the dating and relationship world or the 0:01:11.080 --> 0:01:13.520 friendship and social life world too. So I'm curious to 0:01:13.600 --> 0:01:17.120 kind of break down the differences of where the manners 0:01:17.160 --> 0:01:19.680 come in with that, Like I think in my mind 0:01:20.040 --> 0:01:22.560 I know what it might be, but I'm just curious. 0:01:22.560 --> 0:01:25.400 Like for you, well, first and foremost, did you grow 0:01:25.480 --> 0:01:27.520 up in a house where you're like manners were the 0:01:27.600 --> 0:01:30.240 number one thing at like the dinner table and so on. 0:01:30.720 --> 0:01:33.160 Yeah, that is a great question. I grew up in 0:01:33.160 --> 0:01:35.840 Hong Kong. Well, actually, by the age of fourteen, I 0:01:35.920 --> 0:01:39.520 had lived in Papua New Guinea, the UK, Hong Kong 0:01:39.560 --> 0:01:42.560 where my parents are originally from, and exit to New 0:01:42.560 --> 0:01:45.240 Hampshire where I went to boarding school. I went to 0:01:45.240 --> 0:01:49.000 Phillips Sister Academy, and my mom is, I don't know 0:01:49.000 --> 0:01:51.440 if you've heard of the term tiger mother. Does that 0:01:51.520 --> 0:01:53.280 book battle him of the Tiger Mom? 0:01:53.960 --> 0:01:54.600 Okay, yep. 0:01:55.160 --> 0:01:58.840 And that's how a lot of Chinese parents are in 0:01:59.040 --> 0:02:04.400 Hong Kong. Mother's a particularly tiger. My mother was very demanding. 0:02:04.560 --> 0:02:08.919 She was a very high achieving woman. And she she 0:02:09.360 --> 0:02:12.000 was very demanding of me too. So even let's say 0:02:12.080 --> 0:02:14.880 if I were at a we were having lunch with family, 0:02:14.880 --> 0:02:18.720 friends or with family, if somebody's gloss was, you know, 0:02:19.000 --> 0:02:21.360 was half empty, she would be kicking me under the 0:02:21.600 --> 0:02:25.600 dinner table, motioning me to top up, you know, so 0:02:25.760 --> 0:02:30.480 and so's tea cop or wine gloss. So I definitely 0:02:30.560 --> 0:02:34.200 grew up and I do think that. I do think that, 0:02:34.320 --> 0:02:35.880 and part of you know, my etiquete school that I 0:02:35.919 --> 0:02:38.040 have in China, the reason why we chose not to 0:02:38.080 --> 0:02:42.240 teach children but to teach mothers is because I think 0:02:42.280 --> 0:02:45.520 it really begins with mothers and in the home. And 0:02:45.560 --> 0:02:47.280 I think the most beautiful gift of a parent can 0:02:47.320 --> 0:02:48.760 give their child as good manners. 0:02:49.840 --> 0:02:53.760 So that's my one question with that is because we 0:02:53.840 --> 0:02:58.600 are big manners table. You know, my daughter, especially she 0:02:58.680 --> 0:03:00.600 has she's a little bit more of a difficult time 0:03:00.639 --> 0:03:03.400 sitting at the table, and she's always moving or moving 0:03:03.400 --> 0:03:05.160 her chair and I'm like, Jolie, you know, please sit down, 0:03:06.000 --> 0:03:08.200 and then you know she's she'd rest her hand like that, 0:03:08.360 --> 0:03:10.679 like all right, you know, don't don't put hair on 0:03:10.760 --> 0:03:13.120 the table, keep her keep her legs down. And I 0:03:13.160 --> 0:03:16.840 feel like I'm riding her. But and I don't want 0:03:16.840 --> 0:03:18.400 to be that parents like Jolie puts your legs down, 0:03:18.480 --> 0:03:20.280 Julie's put your hand down, or like Jase put your 0:03:20.280 --> 0:03:22.359 hand down and it's like, but I'm also like, I 0:03:22.480 --> 0:03:25.880 was raised on like manners and etiquette too at the table, 0:03:25.880 --> 0:03:27.679 and I think it's important because I don't just want 0:03:27.720 --> 0:03:30.680 a bunch of wild animals at the table, so I 0:03:30.720 --> 0:03:33.480 wanted to be enjoyable for everyone there. So do you 0:03:33.520 --> 0:03:36.880 think that's because you were raised in that more tiger 0:03:37.240 --> 0:03:40.000 mom era, like where do you think it's a bad 0:03:40.040 --> 0:03:41.400 thing to ride the kid that much? 0:03:41.440 --> 0:03:45.840 Then? Uh? You know, I think that as like in 0:03:45.880 --> 0:03:47.960 the old times, parents are much more strict, right and 0:03:48.000 --> 0:03:50.680 now especially with you know your you and I are 0:03:50.760 --> 0:03:55.760 the same generation, and as millennials, we we are much 0:03:55.800 --> 0:03:58.160 more I think we're much more softer and aware of 0:03:58.240 --> 0:04:00.880 some of the mental health issues for our for our children. 0:04:01.720 --> 0:04:05.080 But I do think that discipline is still very important, 0:04:06.160 --> 0:04:09.680 and I don't regret my mother being, you know, disciplining 0:04:09.720 --> 0:04:14.240 me and being strict with me, because when when you 0:04:14.280 --> 0:04:16.599 go out into the world, and you know, I think 0:04:16.640 --> 0:04:18.880 it's it also depends how old your child is. I mean, 0:04:18.880 --> 0:04:21.720 if she's very young, then she probably has some issues 0:04:21.760 --> 0:04:25.200 focusing right at such a young age. But I do 0:04:25.279 --> 0:04:30.440 think that discipline and routine and you know, just good 0:04:30.480 --> 0:04:31.080 parenting is. 0:04:31.120 --> 0:04:33.880 Very important, right no, I mean I totally agree with 0:04:33.920 --> 0:04:37.800 you there, and it's something that you know, I'm going 0:04:37.880 --> 0:04:40.080 to continue to do. My fiance is very helpful with 0:04:40.120 --> 0:04:42.719 me too as well, like we make sure that you 0:04:42.760 --> 0:04:45.599 know it's it's not it's something that they you know, 0:04:45.680 --> 0:04:50.240 not eating with their mouths, you know open, and you 0:04:50.240 --> 0:04:52.479 know it's it's all of that. But I'm curious on 0:04:52.560 --> 0:04:54.680 the flip side of things when you go into like 0:04:54.760 --> 0:04:58.760 what are some manners in the dating and relationship and 0:04:59.279 --> 0:05:03.760 friendship so area too that you talk about in your book. Yeah. 0:05:03.760 --> 0:05:06.520 So the book is spread across five different chapters, so 0:05:06.560 --> 0:05:11.719 there's love and relationships, dating relationships, family, Korea, food and 0:05:11.760 --> 0:05:17.240 travel and and so you know, I'd say we can 0:05:17.240 --> 0:05:20.960 start off with social I guess, but you know one 0:05:21.000 --> 0:05:24.800 thing is that uh well, I always say, like one 0:05:24.800 --> 0:05:26.720 thing that every could everybody could do better around the 0:05:26.720 --> 0:05:30.039 world is greetings and introductions. And that's also when somebody 0:05:30.640 --> 0:05:34.440 introduces two people, that is when it's very revealing if 0:05:34.480 --> 0:05:36.680 they how they do it, you can you can tell 0:05:38.040 --> 0:05:40.919 number one, I guess how they were raised, like in 0:05:40.960 --> 0:05:45.520 their level of EQ and number two, uh, like how 0:05:45.560 --> 0:05:48.320 good of a host they are a lot of people 0:05:48.320 --> 0:05:51.479 would just say, oh, this is Sarah Jane. This is Jana. 0:05:51.760 --> 0:05:54.240 She's also a Sagittarist. You're December second, right, she well, 0:05:54.240 --> 0:05:57.520 she's December fifth. You two are both Sagittarist friends of mine. 0:05:57.560 --> 0:06:00.799 You know, Johnas from Michigan and Sarah James from Hong Kong, 0:06:01.880 --> 0:06:06.400 and you know, you're both sort of newly married slash engaged, 0:06:07.240 --> 0:06:09.200 and John is just about to have a baby or 0:06:09.520 --> 0:06:11.760 just had a baby, and Sarah Jans you know, planning 0:06:11.800 --> 0:06:16.080 on having kids. So being when you're doing introductions to 0:06:16.160 --> 0:06:19.280 be able to give enough information about each person who's 0:06:19.279 --> 0:06:21.160 met each other for the first time so that they 0:06:21.200 --> 0:06:24.320 can easily continue a conversation and you can actually even 0:06:24.360 --> 0:06:27.480 bow out that to me, is shows a very high 0:06:27.600 --> 0:06:29.440 level of hosting or hostessing. 0:06:30.400 --> 0:06:33.240 I like that. I feel like I feel like I 0:06:33.279 --> 0:06:37.239 do that because I always want everyone to be friends. Yeah, 0:06:37.680 --> 0:06:39.800 and I want everyone to like get along or to 0:06:39.800 --> 0:06:42.080 be able to talk or just like have something in common. 0:06:42.080 --> 0:06:45.040 So I feel like I try to do that. Okay, 0:06:45.440 --> 0:06:48.120 But on the dating side, what's the best manner that 0:06:48.160 --> 0:06:51.800 you think is something that people should take away from 0:06:51.800 --> 0:06:52.400 the book as well? 0:06:53.480 --> 0:06:56.320 Oh, I think that well for dating, and actually this 0:06:56.400 --> 0:06:59.320 can even apply to social too. The most attractive thing 0:06:59.320 --> 0:07:05.720 about a post is how is conflict resolution? Because everybody, right, 0:07:05.760 --> 0:07:08.400 when things are going well, everybody, it's easy, it's easy 0:07:08.440 --> 0:07:10.920 to be on good behavior. But when something doesn't go 0:07:11.000 --> 0:07:14.280 your way, how you deal with that that really shows 0:07:14.320 --> 0:07:18.640 who you are as a person. And on the flip side. 0:07:18.680 --> 0:07:20.680 So in my Netflix show Mind You Man is one 0:07:20.720 --> 0:07:23.440 of my students, Rochelle. She told me during the dumpling 0:07:23.440 --> 0:07:26.800 making session that when she was younger and just started 0:07:26.880 --> 0:07:30.280 dating her aunties, so her mother's sisters told her, when 0:07:30.280 --> 0:07:33.680 you first start dating a guy early on, disagree with 0:07:33.720 --> 0:07:37.040 something or break a date, and that's almost. 0:07:36.720 --> 0:07:40.360 Like a missed a test for what though, a test. 0:07:40.200 --> 0:07:42.600 To see how he's going to respond. And you know what, 0:07:42.640 --> 0:07:46.320 if he gets angry, if he gets aggressive, if he's 0:07:46.360 --> 0:07:49.920 not okay with things not going his way, then those 0:07:49.920 --> 0:07:54.360 are like red flags of I mean, even like abusive behavior. 0:07:54.480 --> 0:07:58.040 Later down the line, ladies, listen up, that's a good 0:07:58.160 --> 0:08:01.400 little I mean, I don't I low the game playing 0:08:01.560 --> 0:08:07.040 in relationships. Having said that, that's a good one if 0:08:07.040 --> 0:08:07.680 you're gonna do it. 0:08:07.640 --> 0:08:09.600 And it's a test, right, especially if you're looking for 0:08:09.760 --> 0:08:11.360 to be serious with somebody and you want to know 0:08:11.400 --> 0:08:14.080 what they're going to be. Like everybody always puts on 0:08:14.080 --> 0:08:16.760 their best behavior in the beginning. It's like the longer 0:08:16.800 --> 0:08:19.480 you're in it, right, then everything else comes out. So 0:08:19.720 --> 0:08:24.240 this is app You should absolutely be testing somebody early. 0:08:23.960 --> 0:08:26.200 On, and you don't see that as games. 0:08:26.680 --> 0:08:28.680 No, no, this is not manipulative, but because it should 0:08:28.720 --> 0:08:30.800 be something because something always happens. Let's say you're meant 0:08:30.840 --> 0:08:32.480 to have a date, but then you had to work 0:08:32.520 --> 0:08:35.680 later the office, right, or something came up your boss 0:08:35.720 --> 0:08:37.840 you needed to turn something in for like a deadline 0:08:37.960 --> 0:08:40.920 was like pushed early, was brought forward right, Or you 0:08:41.040 --> 0:08:43.800 just are not feeling well and you just don't don't 0:08:43.800 --> 0:08:46.520 feel like going to the movies because you came down 0:08:46.520 --> 0:08:48.720 with a cold. Right, So be who you are, but like, 0:08:48.800 --> 0:08:51.760 don't be afraid to don't be afraid to express this. 0:08:52.400 --> 0:08:54.440 And you know, I've one of my younger days, I've 0:08:54.480 --> 0:08:58.440 been in relationships with controlling people, and I think so 0:08:58.559 --> 0:09:01.520 have you, And how much could we have saved ourselves 0:09:01.880 --> 0:09:04.280 if we had known these things sooner? So to me, 0:09:04.720 --> 0:09:07.760 the sexiest man is somebody who is able to resolve 0:09:07.760 --> 0:09:10.280 conflict in a calm and mature way, and I feel 0:09:10.320 --> 0:09:12.360 that I have that in my husband. Where you know, 0:09:12.440 --> 0:09:16.400 difficult conversations, how do you approach difficult conversations right? Are 0:09:16.440 --> 0:09:18.319 you calm or do you get like you know? Do 0:09:18.360 --> 0:09:22.000 you get dramatic and emotional and aggressive like you can? 0:09:22.200 --> 0:09:24.840 I often say etiquette. People think etiquette is one big no, 0:09:25.040 --> 0:09:27.080 it's one big limiting thing, like you can't do this, 0:09:27.160 --> 0:09:29.400 You can't say that. People will come to me and say, oh, 0:09:29.440 --> 0:09:31.360 Sarah Jane, but I have really bad etiquette because I'm 0:09:31.360 --> 0:09:34.160 too honest, Like this person does not under that stand 0:09:34.160 --> 0:09:37.520 the spirit of etiquette. Etiquette is enabling, It is empowering. 0:09:37.800 --> 0:09:39.760 It will let you do what you want to do. 0:09:40.040 --> 0:09:41.559 It will let you speak to the person you want 0:09:41.559 --> 0:09:43.480 to speak to. It will let you set a boundary 0:09:43.559 --> 0:09:45.920 that you want to set. It's all just about how 0:09:45.920 --> 0:09:46.360 you do it. 0:09:46.880 --> 0:09:49.720 Honesty is obviously the number one key and the best 0:09:49.720 --> 0:09:52.680 thing to be, but it's how you also deliver that 0:09:53.320 --> 0:09:55.520 is I think the etiquette and right and the manners 0:09:55.520 --> 0:10:12.120 in it right exactly. Yeah, did you break up with 0:10:12.160 --> 0:10:14.080 a boyfriend over text message? Did I see that on 0:10:14.120 --> 0:10:14.480 your show? 0:10:15.720 --> 0:10:17.040 It was on my show, It was on my New 0:10:17.120 --> 0:10:18.280 York Times style profile. 0:10:18.640 --> 0:10:24.199 Oh yeah, there you go. You know. So I'm curious 0:10:24.200 --> 0:10:27.160 about that because if we flip the script, right, and 0:10:27.160 --> 0:10:29.600 that's me and my my fiancee like to say a lot, 0:10:29.679 --> 0:10:31.520 like all right, if we flip the script, how would 0:10:31.520 --> 0:10:34.199 it feel on the other side? So if that flip 0:10:34.280 --> 0:10:36.120 the script, like have you been broken up with on 0:10:36.200 --> 0:10:38.360 a text message? And would you have appreciated that? 0:10:39.040 --> 0:10:41.600 Well, nobody would appreciate its being broken up with overtext. 0:10:42.160 --> 0:10:44.680 I probably, I mean, I'd probably have been was it. 0:10:44.679 --> 0:10:47.520 A week moment? In manners with his Sarah? Like we 0:10:47.559 --> 0:10:49.359 all make is it? We all make mistakes. 0:10:49.679 --> 0:10:52.040 Here's the thing New York Times for my style profile, 0:10:52.080 --> 0:10:54.640 they shadowed me over like two three days, and of 0:10:54.640 --> 0:10:56.440 course they take the one thing that I. 0:10:56.360 --> 0:11:00.680 Say, well, obviously, welcome to being a select you know. 0:11:01.800 --> 0:11:04.440 And I was like when I opened when I saw 0:11:04.480 --> 0:11:06.360 that article, because they don't tell you, they don't give 0:11:06.360 --> 0:11:09.080 you advanced notices, you know. And I saw that article 0:11:09.160 --> 0:11:13.640 and I cringe, and I send it to my cousin Adrian, 0:11:13.720 --> 0:11:16.960 who's like my bestie, and she was like OMG. And 0:11:17.000 --> 0:11:19.120 then and I was like, oh, do I post this 0:11:19.200 --> 0:11:21.199 or not? Because it's my neual time stole profile really 0:11:21.240 --> 0:11:24.319 like the photo, but this headline. And ten minutes later, 0:11:24.320 --> 0:11:26.880 when she finished reading the uticle, my cousin she was like, 0:11:27.320 --> 0:11:30.800 you know what, this is actually the best headline and 0:11:30.880 --> 0:11:32.079 I was like, you know what it is because it's 0:11:32.080 --> 0:11:36.760 showing that etiquette is contextual and by the and and 0:11:36.840 --> 0:11:42.640 so and and like it's also unexpected and I'm never 0:11:42.720 --> 0:11:47.160 trying to pretend to be holier than thou or or 0:11:47.240 --> 0:11:51.480 like you know, like I'm not Missgoddy two shoes. I'm 0:11:51.760 --> 0:11:53.920 I like to say, I'm mismatterers with a touch of Machiavelli. 0:11:55.520 --> 0:11:58.320 And and by the way, so that was on again, 0:11:58.360 --> 0:12:00.840 off again boyfriend. He was really good controlling. It was 0:12:00.920 --> 0:12:06.600 data here and I was just like here, I am, like, 0:12:06.679 --> 0:12:08.920 you know, teaching my students to be there best selves. 0:12:09.000 --> 0:12:10.600 And then on the other hand, I have this controlling 0:12:10.600 --> 0:12:13.000 and insecure boyfriend who's calling all the time, made me 0:12:13.080 --> 0:12:15.400 cry like before I show up on set. And by 0:12:15.440 --> 0:12:17.920 the way, his ex wife had divorced him by email 0:12:17.960 --> 0:12:18.880 and cecied his mother. 0:12:20.760 --> 0:12:23.320 Oh so this is a track record then for his 0:12:23.440 --> 0:12:23.920 life too. 0:12:25.160 --> 0:12:28.040 I think it's okay to ghost, it's okay to break 0:12:28.080 --> 0:12:31.360 up with a text when somebody's in denial and not 0:12:31.920 --> 0:12:35.200 and not like and not accepting your decision. Right, he's 0:12:35.480 --> 0:12:37.480 and he had trouble with like me saying boundaries. 0:12:37.520 --> 0:12:39.360 Listen, girl, I've done it too, So this is not 0:12:39.480 --> 0:12:41.199 me coming on to you like this is. I think 0:12:41.200 --> 0:12:42.920 it's just one of those things where you know, if 0:12:42.920 --> 0:12:46.160 that's your if if it's safer to text, you know, 0:12:46.240 --> 0:12:49.240 if you if you feel safer to have that conversationation 0:12:49.360 --> 0:12:51.600 over text, then that's the way to do it. You know. 0:12:52.160 --> 0:12:56.079 I think there's adequacy in maybe not ghosting someone that 0:12:56.200 --> 0:12:58.439 to me, I don't I've never liked even in the 0:12:58.520 --> 0:13:00.480 dating world. I'm like, just say you're not in to me, like, 0:13:00.520 --> 0:13:02.800 I'm actually fine with that. I've at least given that 0:13:02.840 --> 0:13:05.480 respect to other people over text. I have a hard 0:13:05.520 --> 0:13:08.200 time doing it on the phone because it's said uncomfortable why. 0:13:08.200 --> 0:13:10.280 I don't want to upset them, but I also want 0:13:10.280 --> 0:13:12.920 to speak my truth. So you know, I think there's 0:13:13.280 --> 0:13:15.800 for me, at least in the dating world. I think 0:13:15.800 --> 0:13:18.400 ghosting is very poor Etiquett and I don't think it's 0:13:18.880 --> 0:13:20.960 really fair. I think you just be like, hey, I'm sorry. 0:13:21.000 --> 0:13:23.880 I'm just either either lie or say I'm not into 0:13:23.960 --> 0:13:26.200 you one of the two like just be like I'm 0:13:26.240 --> 0:13:28.320 just not ready and you want to go be with 0:13:28.360 --> 0:13:30.600 someone other girl tomorrow night. Fine, but just like be 0:13:30.720 --> 0:13:33.680 honest like with or or just like let me know 0:13:33.880 --> 0:13:36.920 or just don't like disappear as what I would. But 0:13:36.960 --> 0:13:39.120 then again that shows like the guy's character. So any 0:13:39.120 --> 0:13:42.000 time a girlfriend in the dating world is like, oh, 0:13:42.000 --> 0:13:43.640 this guy didn't text me back, I'm like, well, then 0:13:43.679 --> 0:13:45.320 you know what he was not worth, Like, he's not 0:13:45.360 --> 0:13:48.400 your person. Move on next, you know, don't waste your 0:13:48.400 --> 0:13:49.960 time totally. 0:13:50.000 --> 0:13:52.320 And for me, I'll even just you know, delete that 0:13:52.360 --> 0:13:55.080 person because I'm very much about moving on and not 0:13:55.120 --> 0:13:57.160 looking in the past. I like to look forward. I 0:13:57.160 --> 0:13:58.640 think that's a very Sagittarian trait. 0:13:58.880 --> 0:14:00.880 What you're Sagittarius too, Yeah, I'm. 0:14:00.720 --> 0:14:02.520 December five, you're December. 0:14:02.120 --> 0:14:04.360 Two, I'm yeah. 0:14:04.400 --> 0:14:07.800 And and so to me, it's like, you know what, 0:14:07.880 --> 0:14:09.920 some people will like you, some people won't. Some people 0:14:10.240 --> 0:14:12.200 can't date you because maybe they already have an existing 0:14:12.240 --> 0:14:15.160 relationship or some issue going on their life. And but 0:14:15.240 --> 0:14:16.720 so what like, move on next? 0:14:17.800 --> 0:14:20.680 So what did post malone asked ask you for? 0:14:22.640 --> 0:14:25.000 Are you talking about the Instagram posts that I have 0:14:25.720 --> 0:14:27.760 of me and him holding chopsticks up to the camera 0:14:28.160 --> 0:14:29.320 from from October. 0:14:29.960 --> 0:14:32.080 Yeah, so he reached out to you when he was 0:14:32.120 --> 0:14:33.120 on tour, right. 0:14:33.640 --> 0:14:36.560 No, so okay, No, so my friend, I'm my friend 0:14:36.640 --> 0:14:39.600 was part of his tour. My childhood friend. Yeah, my 0:14:39.680 --> 0:14:42.320 childhood friend. Uh. And so I just joined them. I 0:14:42.400 --> 0:14:44.440 was in Singapore for F one which he was headlining, 0:14:44.440 --> 0:14:45.880 and then I joined them in Hong Kong for a 0:14:45.920 --> 0:14:48.480 part of his Asia tour. And we were at a 0:14:49.320 --> 0:14:51.840 and we were at a Chinese restaurant in Hong Kong, 0:14:52.240 --> 0:14:54.440 and when everybody sat down, there were two pairs of 0:14:54.520 --> 0:14:57.680 chopsticks on the table. So for each Post that's in 0:14:57.720 --> 0:15:01.000 a chopstick and out of chopstick, and pretty much like 0:15:01.000 --> 0:15:03.360 everybody e stuff. For me was kind of confused. But 0:15:03.400 --> 0:15:06.320 what I love about post is that Posty as we 0:15:06.360 --> 0:15:10.720 call him, is that he is so secure. He is 0:15:10.840 --> 0:15:16.040 so respectful of different cultures. This was like amazing to me, 0:15:16.240 --> 0:15:19.280 Like I it was really unexpected, but so amazing to 0:15:19.360 --> 0:15:22.240 learn that about him. He really wanted to understand like 0:15:22.280 --> 0:15:24.960 the proper way in each culture of how to you 0:15:25.040 --> 0:15:27.440 know of a custom or how to use a you 0:15:27.480 --> 0:15:31.120 know of the food. So I explained and icclated to 0:15:31.120 --> 0:15:33.720 every of the table. I said, there's an inner chopstick, 0:15:34.000 --> 0:15:36.480 well this is the outer chopstick, and they're both situated 0:15:36.520 --> 0:15:37.760 on the right hand side of your plate. But the 0:15:37.760 --> 0:15:40.320 outside chopstick is the one that is used to bring 0:15:40.360 --> 0:15:43.440 food from the lazy susan or from the common dishes 0:15:43.440 --> 0:15:46.000 to your plate. It never touches your mouth, so it's clean. 0:15:46.600 --> 0:15:49.000 And then the chopstick on the inside is the one 0:15:49.280 --> 0:15:51.360 that brings food to your mouth. So that's like you're 0:15:51.400 --> 0:15:54.840 personal that you know, with your salive on it. Ah, right, 0:15:55.000 --> 0:15:58.000 isn't that fun? And she was the of a whole table. 0:15:58.040 --> 0:15:59.760 He was the only person who asked. You know, most 0:15:59.800 --> 0:16:01.440 people would not, as they kind of be like, oh, 0:16:01.440 --> 0:16:04.000 a little confused, a little embarrassed, but just see what 0:16:04.000 --> 0:16:07.239 other people do. And he said, oh, what are these chopsticks? 0:16:07.360 --> 0:16:11.840 And I explained, and he is such a gentleman. Post 0:16:11.920 --> 0:16:14.440 Malone is such a gentleman. 0:16:14.880 --> 0:16:17.160 So there was no man or no manner problems with 0:16:17.160 --> 0:16:17.840 post Malone. 0:16:17.960 --> 0:16:21.720 I like that none. He told me some incredible one 0:16:21.760 --> 0:16:24.440 that he taught you, just the way he treated people 0:16:24.520 --> 0:16:28.920 and how he used humor to uh to diffuse like 0:16:29.000 --> 0:16:32.760 any awkward situations, like he was always so relaxed and 0:16:32.800 --> 0:16:35.400 you went to bring in humor. He's very funny and 0:16:35.440 --> 0:16:38.240 he's incredibly nice, and he notices everybody in the room. 0:16:38.640 --> 0:16:41.480 Oh that's that's that's beautiful. I love that instead of 0:16:41.520 --> 0:16:44.080 because because I'm sure a lot of people are noticing him. 0:16:44.120 --> 0:16:48.800 He's not one that's easy to hide. So it's that's that. 0:16:48.800 --> 0:16:51.640 I love that. I love to hear that. That's great. 0:16:52.160 --> 0:16:55.720 All right, favorite chapter in your book? Why and what 0:16:55.800 --> 0:16:57.840 do you want the biggest takeaway to be for your book? 0:16:58.400 --> 0:17:03.200 Oh? Favorite chapter in my book. Well, you know, writing 0:17:03.200 --> 0:17:07.280 this book was really cathartic for me because I obviously 0:17:07.320 --> 0:17:09.800 I bring a lot of anecdotes, case studies, a lot 0:17:09.840 --> 0:17:13.720 of a lot of mini pro tips, but also a 0:17:13.760 --> 0:17:17.200 lot of my failings, a lot of my personal stories. 0:17:17.359 --> 0:17:20.440 I make myself very vulnerable in my book. And it's 0:17:20.440 --> 0:17:22.520 a very meaty book. Like I wanted a book that 0:17:22.640 --> 0:17:26.159 was that would scratch the service and be really practical 0:17:26.320 --> 0:17:31.320 and help people see things in a different way. So 0:17:31.560 --> 0:17:34.200 every single chapter, even writing the family chapter, I mean, 0:17:34.520 --> 0:17:36.480 you know, nothing cuts us to the core like a 0:17:36.520 --> 0:17:40.000 family conflict, right, and our family they really know how 0:17:40.040 --> 0:17:42.400 to push our buttons because probably because they installed them. 0:17:43.880 --> 0:17:46.600 And then writing the love chapter was it made me 0:17:46.680 --> 0:17:52.080 like review all my relationships and it's a sad you know, 0:17:52.240 --> 0:17:54.080 there have been a few relationships. 0:17:54.200 --> 0:17:56.080 Yeah, yeah, we love to love. 0:17:57.840 --> 0:18:00.359 And so that that was probably like one of the 0:18:00.359 --> 0:18:04.879 most meaningful chapters to me, of which would because I 0:18:04.880 --> 0:18:08.360 feel that I don't regret any any single relationship I've had, 0:18:08.359 --> 0:18:11.879 even the bad ones, sure, because it taught me the 0:18:11.960 --> 0:18:13.359 kind of person that I don't want to be and 0:18:13.359 --> 0:18:14.800 the kind of person I don't want to be with. 0:18:15.720 --> 0:18:18.879 And then the beautiful relationships, you know, the ones that 0:18:18.880 --> 0:18:20.480 taught me how to love and how to be loved, 0:18:21.520 --> 0:18:24.800 I'm also grateful for because it's also just helped me 0:18:24.880 --> 0:18:28.960 be a better partner to my husband and realize that 0:18:29.080 --> 0:18:34.359 like it's something that you really have to work on constantly. No, yes, yeah, 0:18:34.400 --> 0:18:36.560 so I would probably say, like the love and relationships 0:18:36.600 --> 0:18:37.760 chapter is one of my favorites. 0:18:38.400 --> 0:18:40.240 And then what is the biggest takeaway that you want 0:18:40.240 --> 0:18:41.320 for your readers? 0:18:42.119 --> 0:18:48.199 My biggest takeaway for my readers would be that you know, 0:18:48.640 --> 0:18:52.960 people people think, so like the way I approach this 0:18:52.960 --> 0:18:54.880 book and the way I've really approached my life because 0:18:54.880 --> 0:18:58.119 I've lived in so many different cultures, is that I 0:18:58.160 --> 0:19:01.760 see myself as a microcultural anthropology. Just I went to Georgetown. 0:19:01.800 --> 0:19:04.680 I was an English major, but my favorite class was anthropology, 0:19:04.720 --> 0:19:07.600 which is a study of human behavior. And I feel that, 0:19:08.080 --> 0:19:09.200 you know, you don't even have to go to a 0:19:09.200 --> 0:19:12.560 different country to see a different microculture. You could, like 0:19:12.640 --> 0:19:14.919 even in our one day. In our lives, we move 0:19:14.960 --> 0:19:19.080 across many like even the office, different departments, or different 0:19:19.080 --> 0:19:23.639 sets of friends. These are all different microcultures. And every 0:19:23.680 --> 0:19:26.080 time I go I meet somebody new, I'm with a 0:19:26.119 --> 0:19:28.119 new group of people or in a new country. The 0:19:28.119 --> 0:19:30.480 first thing I'm doing is I see myself as what 0:19:30.960 --> 0:19:34.879 we call in the field, and I'm observing and I'm thinking, 0:19:34.960 --> 0:19:37.440 what are the codes of conduct here? How are people behaving, 0:19:37.480 --> 0:19:39.600 how are they speaking, what is their accent, what slang 0:19:39.640 --> 0:19:42.239 are they using? Are they more aggressive or are they 0:19:42.240 --> 0:19:44.560 more like Type A or are they Type B? You know, 0:19:44.600 --> 0:19:51.000 And then I'm sort of unconsciously adjusting myself to make 0:19:51.040 --> 0:19:53.520 them feel comfortable around me, because that is what etiquette 0:19:53.520 --> 0:19:56.560 really is. It's about putting other people around you at ease. 0:19:56.680 --> 0:19:59.080 And once they feel comfortable around you, then you feel 0:19:59.119 --> 0:20:01.679 comfortable around them, and I feel that that is what 0:20:01.800 --> 0:20:06.480 makes us human, which is belonging human connection, and it's 0:20:06.480 --> 0:20:09.320 something that we need now more than ever, especially coming 0:20:09.359 --> 0:20:12.040 out of the pandemic right where all of our social 0:20:12.080 --> 0:20:15.359 skills are a little bit rusty. I mean, we all 0:20:15.400 --> 0:20:20.200