WEBVTT - Jason Sautel

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<v Speaker 1>This is Lee Habib and this is our American Stories,

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<v Speaker 1>and we tell stories about everything here on this show,

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<v Speaker 1>including yours. Send them to our American Stories dot com.

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<v Speaker 1>There's some of our favorites. Today, we have author Jason

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<v Speaker 1>Sawtel sharing his story from his book The Rescuer, one

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<v Speaker 1>firefighter's story of courage, darkness, and the relentless love that

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<v Speaker 1>saved him. Jason was a successful and competent firefighter in Oakland, California.

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<v Speaker 1>Life for Jason seemed to be perfect on the outside,

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<v Speaker 1>but he was struggling with a darkness in him that

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<v Speaker 1>started when he was a boy. Here's Jason with his story.

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<v Speaker 2>Grown up was pretty awesome. For about the first five

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<v Speaker 2>to six years of my life, Mom, dad, everything seemed normal,

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<v Speaker 2>you know, being a young kid, I really didn't know

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<v Speaker 2>a whole lot of anything that was going on around me.

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<v Speaker 2>And then I got sent to kindergarten and it's kind

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<v Speaker 2>of like that's when my life started taking it downwards viral.

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<v Speaker 2>And it wasn't because of school. It wasn't because I

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<v Speaker 2>didn't want to.

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<v Speaker 3>Go to school.

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<v Speaker 2>It's just a series of events came into my life

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<v Speaker 2>at a young age that my parents went through a divorce,

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<v Speaker 2>my mom moved five hundred miles away, and I was

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<v Speaker 2>left to live with my dad, who is a good man.

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<v Speaker 2>He served in the Vietnam War, but he had a

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<v Speaker 2>lot of traumas of his past that would come back

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<v Speaker 2>to haunt him, and unfortunately, he would take them out

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<v Speaker 2>on me. So at the age of five, when I

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<v Speaker 2>was six, somewhere right that area, when I went to kindergarten,

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<v Speaker 2>I remember my mom because my parents were still together.

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<v Speaker 2>Then she dropped me off at school and I didn't

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<v Speaker 2>want her to leave, and I was like clinging to

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<v Speaker 2>her leg and the teacher said, no, no, he's going

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<v Speaker 2>to be just fine. So they pulled me off or

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<v Speaker 2>sent her away. Well, then they took me into the

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<v Speaker 2>high school not high school, but the elementary school office,

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<v Speaker 2>and they cleaned out a janitor's locker threw me in

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<v Speaker 2>there until I stopped crying. And it was horrible because

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<v Speaker 2>when I was in there, I couldn't figure out why

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<v Speaker 2>it's being punished. I wanted to be I wanted my mom,

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<v Speaker 2>what's wrong with that? And these people were punishing me,

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<v Speaker 2>And finally I just submitted. But I didn't submit because

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<v Speaker 2>I wanted out of the closet to go be with

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<v Speaker 2>all the other kids. Honestly, I would have rather have

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<v Speaker 2>stayed in there, but I felt something at the time,

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<v Speaker 2>I didn't realize what it was, and it was like

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<v Speaker 2>an evilness was lurking within that closet, in that darkness,

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<v Speaker 2>and that was the first time I ever recognized evilness

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<v Speaker 2>in this fallen world. And being a non Christian and

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<v Speaker 2>not going to church in my age at the time,

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<v Speaker 2>it was really hard to explain. So those were my

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<v Speaker 2>younger years. My teen years was I mean, it was

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<v Speaker 2>just straight up rebellious. You know, there comes a point

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<v Speaker 2>where you don't want to put up with abuse anymore,

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<v Speaker 2>and so.

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<v Speaker 3>You fight back.

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<v Speaker 2>Well, when you fight back, you get the exit, a

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<v Speaker 2>sign thrown in front of you, and I was basically

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<v Speaker 2>told to leave my house. So I started doing a

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<v Speaker 2>lot of CouchSurfing. I would go up to my mom's

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<v Speaker 2>house and try to, you know, reconnect with her, but

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<v Speaker 2>her boyfriend's up in San Franciuse.

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<v Speaker 3>They wanted nothing to do with me.

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<v Speaker 2>They would, you know, she had one bedroom apartment, so

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<v Speaker 2>I would sleep on the floor and her boyfriends would

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<v Speaker 2>purposely like kick me when they walked by. I'd kind

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<v Speaker 2>of laugh because the beatings I took in my life.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm like, dude, I have some hardened ribs. A few

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<v Speaker 2>kicks from a hippie's not going to really hurt me.

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<v Speaker 2>But emotionally it still sucked. It was just as bad

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<v Speaker 2>as when I was grown up in my dad's house,

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<v Speaker 2>the emotional.

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<v Speaker 3>Abuse that I was put through there.

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<v Speaker 2>So I went back down to southern California and ended

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<v Speaker 2>up just you know, staying with my dad, but it

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<v Speaker 2>wasn't like we lived together. I would stay there stay

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<v Speaker 2>with friends. I was big time into skating, and I

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<v Speaker 2>would start going down to the ocean, go surfing, doing

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<v Speaker 2>that kind of stuff. So I was kind of like

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<v Speaker 2>during my teen year as a classic skater, outcast kind

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<v Speaker 2>of guy. I never joined a gang. I never took

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<v Speaker 2>on the ideologies of the guys that were part of

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<v Speaker 2>the group that I hung out with. But if you

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<v Speaker 2>think about the skinheads, the gangsters, that crowd, they were

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<v Speaker 2>close to me, but they accepted me. And it was

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<v Speaker 2>because I wasn't getting a love at home that I

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<v Speaker 2>chased the love outside of my house and they showed

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<v Speaker 2>me a worldly love that is not good. But at

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<v Speaker 2>the time it replacement was really bad at home and

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<v Speaker 2>my high school years. I made it up until the

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<v Speaker 2>tenth grade. It was my first month of tenth grade,

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<v Speaker 2>and that's when I dropped out of high school because

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<v Speaker 2>my whole life I had no help in school. My

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<v Speaker 2>dad would be like, the teachers need to help you,

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<v Speaker 2>and the teachers in return would be like, your dad

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<v Speaker 2>needs to help you. And here I am a kid

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<v Speaker 2>in the middle, going, well, it's not working for me.

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<v Speaker 2>So I remember that I would go to school like

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<v Speaker 2>to do the state's project, and I was actually kind

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<v Speaker 2>of proud with what I created, and my teacher just

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<v Speaker 2>belittled me.

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<v Speaker 3>You know.

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<v Speaker 2>It was like in the fifth grade, she made me

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<v Speaker 2>feel horrible. Shake this is all you could do, and

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<v Speaker 2>she yelled at me, and she made me go down

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<v Speaker 2>and sit in the second grade class to finish the

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<v Speaker 2>project while all my classmates got to go off and

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<v Speaker 2>celebrate and have a day away from school and go

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<v Speaker 2>to the park and all that kind.

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<v Speaker 3>Of stuff because they did this big history.

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<v Speaker 2>And it just made me feel so angry because I

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<v Speaker 2>was like, no adult would listen to me. I would

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<v Speaker 2>go home and say, Dad, I need help, and he'd yell,

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<v Speaker 2>you know, I'm not gonna go with EADL. But it

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<v Speaker 2>was basically, gosh, darn it, your stupid teachers need to

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<v Speaker 2>help you. Then I would go to school and the

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<v Speaker 2>teachers would be like, well, you have libraries, lady, the

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<v Speaker 2>libraries on the other side of town. I'm nine or

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<v Speaker 2>ten years old. How am I supposed to get there?

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<v Speaker 2>Can you help me out with that? So a lot

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<v Speaker 2>of those struggles from my childhood also carried into my adulthood.

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<v Speaker 2>And I wasn't an atheist, but I grew up just

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<v Speaker 2>so full of hate.

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<v Speaker 3>That I hated anything that was good.

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<v Speaker 2>So if I saw some of those happy like kids

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<v Speaker 2>that were happy because their projects were completed, well I

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<v Speaker 2>was really mad because I was like, well, that sucks.

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<v Speaker 2>They have everything I don't, so I would want to

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<v Speaker 2>push some of my pain on them. And that kind

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<v Speaker 2>of followed me through my high school years and stuff.

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<v Speaker 2>And so from the Christian standpoint, my dad taught me

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<v Speaker 2>that Christians were stupid from day one.

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<v Speaker 3>I remember, they're stupid.

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<v Speaker 2>And I remember there was a time in high school

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<v Speaker 2>when there was this girl who was actually reading her Bible,

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<v Speaker 2>and as I passed by her, I just stopped. I

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<v Speaker 2>told her and I looked at like, you're stupid, and

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<v Speaker 2>everything that book is stupid. Everything about you is stupid,

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<v Speaker 2>and I lit into her and I had it was

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<v Speaker 2>just because, like it's weird when you think about it.

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<v Speaker 2>I truly believe it was because I'm so rebellious, but

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<v Speaker 2>I think that was actually one of the first times

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<v Speaker 2>God was really calling me to him.

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<v Speaker 3>But I was rebelling against because.

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<v Speaker 2>I see a Bible and I see a girl that's happy,

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<v Speaker 2>and I'm like, no, I'm going to tear you down.

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<v Speaker 2>Because I was of the outcast, because I always figured

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<v Speaker 2>all Christians were going to be alike and just tell

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<v Speaker 2>me I'm going to Hell. So I'd sit over here

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<v Speaker 2>in the eighth and ninth grade getting drunk on the

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<v Speaker 2>high school football field while they were all doing preppy stuff.

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<v Speaker 2>And it was just that rebellion against God coming out

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<v Speaker 2>early on. And so I was actually very hateful to

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<v Speaker 2>Christians even through my early years in the fire department.

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<v Speaker 2>There's a part of my book where actually a curse

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<v Speaker 2>of pastor out of our firehouse. So my nickname in

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<v Speaker 2>the fire department prior to coming to Christ was actually

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<v Speaker 2>the demon Seed.

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<v Speaker 3>So it's a kind of a crazy story.

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<v Speaker 1>And you're listening to Jason Sawtel talk about the early

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<v Speaker 1>parts of his life. His book The Rescuer, One firefighter's

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<v Speaker 1>story of courage, darkness, and the relentless love that saved

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<v Speaker 1>him is available on Amazon and the usual Suspects. And

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<v Speaker 1>when we come back, we're going to hear more from

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<v Speaker 1>Jason Sawtel. His own life story continues here on Our

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<v Speaker 1>American Stories. Folks, if you love the great American stories

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<v Speaker 1>the great American stories coming. That's our American Stories dot Com.

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<v Speaker 1>And we returned to Our American Stories and to author

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<v Speaker 1>and former firefighter Jason Sawtel sharing the story from his

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<v Speaker 1>book The Rescuer. We left off with Jason sharing his

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<v Speaker 1>abuse filled childhood with us and how that led him

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<v Speaker 1>to some destructive behaviors. Let's return to Jason.

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<v Speaker 2>When I was young and running amuck. Even though I

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<v Speaker 2>hung out with those guys, I like, if we went

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<v Speaker 2>and stole some beer, did something, I felt bad inside.

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<v Speaker 2>If we got in a fight with another group of skaters,

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<v Speaker 2>I didn't want to fight them, and I felt bad.

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<v Speaker 2>But it was just like, Okay, I have to fight

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<v Speaker 2>because everyone's fighting. So I always had this urge inside

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<v Speaker 2>me to want to be part of something bigger and

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<v Speaker 2>want to help other people. Well, when I was seventeen,

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<v Speaker 2>I was getting in a lot of trouble and I

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<v Speaker 2>finally realized by the way of the police department. They

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<v Speaker 2>said you might want to figure things out here, and

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<v Speaker 2>they told me about the California Conservation Corps. And to

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<v Speaker 2>make a long story short, what they are is he

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<v Speaker 2>you know, the brochure says you're going to be in

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<v Speaker 2>the National Forest building trails and doing all this, but

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<v Speaker 2>the realities you're picking up the garbage on the side

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<v Speaker 2>of the freeway and downtown LA and so. But what

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<v Speaker 2>the good part about it is is they give you

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<v Speaker 2>a stable job, a work ethic, that.

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<v Speaker 3>Kind of stuff.

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<v Speaker 2>Well, while we were there, there were some fires going

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<v Speaker 2>on in southern California, and our job at the California

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<v Speaker 2>Conservation corps was to clean up the fire camp and

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<v Speaker 2>feed the firemen and do all that kind of stuff. Well,

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<v Speaker 2>fireman started talking to me and you know, we just

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<v Speaker 2>started chatting it up. And I knew what the fire

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<v Speaker 2>department did, but having that one on one with him.

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<v Speaker 3>I was like, so, what do you do? Just put

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<v Speaker 3>out grass fires?

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<v Speaker 2>He's like, no, we go to car accidents, we help people,

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<v Speaker 2>we go to medical calls, help elderly, help new boards,

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<v Speaker 2>house far and it just something clean like that sounds

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<v Speaker 2>cool number one, because you know the adrenaline junkie side,

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<v Speaker 2>and we really enjoyed that. But number two, I saw

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<v Speaker 2>that he was so passionate about something that was so

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<v Speaker 2>much bigger than him and helping. So I hopped on

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<v Speaker 2>board and I asked him. I said, so, bro, what

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<v Speaker 2>do I need to do to become a fireman. He's all, first,

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<v Speaker 2>you know, you have your high school diploma, and I

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<v Speaker 2>was like.

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<v Speaker 3>Well, that job's out.

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<v Speaker 2>So I went back and I actually got what's called

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<v Speaker 2>the California High School.

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<v Speaker 3>Proficiency Exam, where you can take a.

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<v Speaker 2>Test that proves you know everything that would have been

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<v Speaker 2>taught to you the high school, and they give you

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<v Speaker 2>an equivalency of a diploma, so it's actually higher than

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<v Speaker 2>a GED.

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<v Speaker 3>Well, I took that test and I passed it with.

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<v Speaker 2>A ninety eight percent and I was seventeen at the time,

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<v Speaker 2>hadn't been in school for like three years and stuff,

0:10:28.120 --> 0:10:30.520
<v Speaker 2>so it was a total blessing. I'd passed it, and

0:10:30.559 --> 0:10:32.840
<v Speaker 2>I went to a local firehouse, which out here in

0:10:32.920 --> 0:10:35.440
<v Speaker 2>California instead of like the county fire department, was the

0:10:35.480 --> 0:10:38.640
<v Speaker 2>California Department of four Street, and I applied at that

0:10:38.760 --> 0:10:41.319
<v Speaker 2>firehouse for the seasonal fire season because they would hire

0:10:41.360 --> 0:10:43.439
<v Speaker 2>extra guys to help fight the wildline fires we have

0:10:43.520 --> 0:10:46.840
<v Speaker 2>out here, and the captain hired me on the spot,

0:10:47.000 --> 0:10:49.320
<v Speaker 2>and that's how I got on the fire department. Prior

0:10:49.360 --> 0:10:52.480
<v Speaker 2>to Oakland Fire Department was I worked for a smaller

0:10:52.800 --> 0:10:57.200
<v Speaker 2>county fire department down in southern California, and it was

0:10:58.040 --> 0:10:59.760
<v Speaker 2>the start of it all. It was like just the

0:10:59.760 --> 0:11:02.080
<v Speaker 2>most amazing job on the face here than being able

0:11:02.080 --> 0:11:04.840
<v Speaker 2>to help and love on people and care for people

0:11:05.360 --> 0:11:08.520
<v Speaker 2>was just something that I craved more of. I started

0:11:08.559 --> 0:11:10.640
<v Speaker 2>when I just turned eighteen, because I couldn't do it

0:11:10.640 --> 0:11:13.600
<v Speaker 2>at age seventeen. So at eighteen in December.

0:11:13.160 --> 0:11:13.760
<v Speaker 3>I joined.

0:11:14.280 --> 0:11:19.160
<v Speaker 2>Well that year it was nineteen ninety three was my

0:11:19.360 --> 0:11:21.240
<v Speaker 2>year I was supposed to graduate for my class. Well,

0:11:21.280 --> 0:11:24.080
<v Speaker 2>my firehouse was down the street from my high school,

0:11:24.280 --> 0:11:26.720
<v Speaker 2>so I actually watched my high school graduation because we

0:11:26.760 --> 0:11:29.120
<v Speaker 2>did outdoor graduations in the hills in this place called

0:11:29.120 --> 0:11:31.160
<v Speaker 2>the Remote Bowl, so we'd always assign a fire engine,

0:11:31.200 --> 0:11:32.800
<v Speaker 2>you know, cops that be there kind of you know,

0:11:32.840 --> 0:11:35.640
<v Speaker 2>plus good for taking pictures type of stuff. But I

0:11:35.679 --> 0:11:38.439
<v Speaker 2>actually watched my class where I was supposed to graduate,

0:11:38.480 --> 0:11:40.240
<v Speaker 2>and I watched it from sitting on the top of

0:11:40.240 --> 0:11:42.319
<v Speaker 2>my fire engine. I remember they're going down the names

0:11:42.320 --> 0:11:45.480
<v Speaker 2>and you know, going through the rs, and then also

0:11:45.520 --> 0:11:47.000
<v Speaker 2>they got into S's and then you.

0:11:46.960 --> 0:11:47.640
<v Speaker 3>Know, I was right there.

0:11:48.040 --> 0:11:50.360
<v Speaker 2>That's where they would have said, Jason Slattel and I

0:11:50.360 --> 0:11:52.200
<v Speaker 2>sit on a fire truck, and people like, that's a

0:11:52.240 --> 0:11:54.840
<v Speaker 2>great story, and I said, no, it's actually humiliated. I

0:11:54.840 --> 0:11:56.480
<v Speaker 2>was hoping no one would recognize me and know and

0:11:56.480 --> 0:11:58.800
<v Speaker 2>see me, because up until that point in my life,

0:11:58.840 --> 0:12:00.520
<v Speaker 2>I was still like living in a fiel where I

0:12:00.520 --> 0:12:03.480
<v Speaker 2>could see happiness, but I couldn't build happiness, and it

0:12:03.559 --> 0:12:05.040
<v Speaker 2>was destroying me once.

0:12:04.760 --> 0:12:06.400
<v Speaker 3>Again watching these groups of people.

0:12:06.480 --> 0:12:08.440
<v Speaker 2>Because we only had one high school account that I

0:12:08.480 --> 0:12:10.720
<v Speaker 2>grew up with getting something that I didn't get, and

0:12:10.720 --> 0:12:12.800
<v Speaker 2>I was sitting out on the side as an outcast,

0:12:12.840 --> 0:12:15.080
<v Speaker 2>even though you know, the world looks at his firement

0:12:15.200 --> 0:12:17.120
<v Speaker 2>is like, oh look at you guys. You're glorious, You're

0:12:17.160 --> 0:12:21.200
<v Speaker 2>this and that I never felt it, So how it

0:12:21.280 --> 0:12:24.000
<v Speaker 2>progressed from there, we were on a medical call and

0:12:24.440 --> 0:12:27.160
<v Speaker 2>prior to that time, and I remember a guy was

0:12:27.240 --> 0:12:29.520
<v Speaker 2>hit by a car and it was just me and

0:12:29.559 --> 0:12:31.199
<v Speaker 2>my captain on the fire engine, so we didn't have

0:12:31.240 --> 0:12:35.240
<v Speaker 2>the staffing then, and this guy was so severely injured

0:12:35.480 --> 0:12:37.439
<v Speaker 2>that we needed to bring in a helicopter to fly

0:12:37.600 --> 0:12:40.200
<v Speaker 2>him down into LA to the trauma center. I was

0:12:40.240 --> 0:12:43.559
<v Speaker 2>eighteen years old with nothing more than a first aid certificate,

0:12:43.679 --> 0:12:45.319
<v Speaker 2>and I should have still been in high school where

0:12:45.360 --> 0:12:47.199
<v Speaker 2>everyone else has taken biology. I'm sitting other the side

0:12:47.200 --> 0:12:47.960
<v Speaker 2>of the road with a guy.

0:12:48.640 --> 0:12:49.160
<v Speaker 3>He's just bad.

0:12:49.160 --> 0:12:51.000
<v Speaker 2>I don't want to get graphic, butody's really bad off.

0:12:51.240 --> 0:12:53.800
<v Speaker 2>And my captain left me there with the medical bags

0:12:53.920 --> 0:12:57.400
<v Speaker 2>to go land the helicopter, and I felt so useless

0:12:57.400 --> 0:12:59.120
<v Speaker 2>because I did not know what to do. I was

0:12:59.160 --> 0:13:01.640
<v Speaker 2>a child trying to keep this man alive, and the

0:13:01.679 --> 0:13:03.640
<v Speaker 2>citizens were looking at me to do it. I didn't

0:13:03.640 --> 0:13:05.840
<v Speaker 2>know what to do. So that pushed me to go

0:13:05.840 --> 0:13:08.600
<v Speaker 2>to EMT school in paramedic school, because I never wanted

0:13:08.640 --> 0:13:11.480
<v Speaker 2>to experience that again. How could I serve others when

0:13:11.480 --> 0:13:13.959
<v Speaker 2>I couldn't serve them. That's not okay. So I went

0:13:13.960 --> 0:13:16.920
<v Speaker 2>to paramedic school. Well, the way that I got on

0:13:16.920 --> 0:13:20.239
<v Speaker 2>the Oakland Fire Department was we were on a wildland

0:13:20.280 --> 0:13:23.240
<v Speaker 2>fire and in southern California in nineteen ninety three was

0:13:23.280 --> 0:13:24.960
<v Speaker 2>the year way of the Malibu fires and the big

0:13:25.000 --> 0:13:27.520
<v Speaker 2>fire storms. And people don't believe it, but California's been

0:13:27.520 --> 0:13:30.960
<v Speaker 2>burning long, a lot longer than just these past few years.

0:13:31.240 --> 0:13:33.640
<v Speaker 2>And everybody captain leaving he's like, hey, Jason Dce, those

0:13:33.640 --> 0:13:35.920
<v Speaker 2>city fire departments. I'm like yeah, He's like, man, they

0:13:36.040 --> 0:13:38.440
<v Speaker 2>make like forty five thousand year. I was like, what, dude,

0:13:38.480 --> 0:13:40.960
<v Speaker 2>I'm making minimum wage, which is four twenty five an hour.

0:13:41.080 --> 0:13:43.320
<v Speaker 2>I'm going to go apply for a city department. So

0:13:43.360 --> 0:13:46.720
<v Speaker 2>I started applying for La City Oakland, San Francisco. Wanted

0:13:46.760 --> 0:13:50.000
<v Speaker 2>the big city fire departments after having a taste of it,

0:13:50.520 --> 0:13:50.840
<v Speaker 2>and lo.

0:13:51.000 --> 0:13:53.839
<v Speaker 3>And behold, I told all the right FIBs and they

0:13:53.960 --> 0:13:54.120
<v Speaker 3>liked me.

0:13:54.160 --> 0:13:56.520
<v Speaker 2>At the Oakland Fire department and I passed their tests

0:13:56.520 --> 0:13:58.640
<v Speaker 2>and they hired me and stuff. So that's where my

0:13:58.679 --> 0:14:02.400
<v Speaker 2>transition happened from being a wildland firefighter and moving up

0:14:02.400 --> 0:14:03.920
<v Speaker 2>into what I call the big leagues and become a

0:14:03.920 --> 0:14:07.840
<v Speaker 2>big city fire department firefighter. I jokingly say my PTSD

0:14:07.920 --> 0:14:10.760
<v Speaker 2>has PTSD because coming from the childhood that I have

0:14:11.360 --> 0:14:14.760
<v Speaker 2>and the reason I would go in on medicals, you know,

0:14:14.760 --> 0:14:16.040
<v Speaker 2>it was part of my job. But the reason I

0:14:16.080 --> 0:14:19.400
<v Speaker 2>loved to go on medicals and the fires is because

0:14:19.520 --> 0:14:22.680
<v Speaker 2>I loved helping people, because helping people help me feel better.

0:14:23.160 --> 0:14:26.480
<v Speaker 2>But here's the kicker. Without Christ in my life, it

0:14:26.560 --> 0:14:28.640
<v Speaker 2>didn't work. It was like putting a band aid on

0:14:28.680 --> 0:14:31.480
<v Speaker 2>an arterial bleed, or like trying to stop an.

0:14:31.440 --> 0:14:33.040
<v Speaker 3>Arteria bleed with just direct pressure.

0:14:33.280 --> 0:14:35.400
<v Speaker 2>The second we would get back to the firehouse after

0:14:35.480 --> 0:14:37.800
<v Speaker 2>helping those people, I would take the pressure off that

0:14:37.920 --> 0:14:40.920
<v Speaker 2>arterial bleed, and all the sadness and the emptiness that

0:14:41.080 --> 0:14:42.880
<v Speaker 2>was living inside of me and the darkness that I

0:14:42.880 --> 0:14:45.000
<v Speaker 2>was living under would come back to get me. So

0:14:45.080 --> 0:14:48.840
<v Speaker 2>it was yes, the PTSD, Yes, the living without Christ.

0:14:49.000 --> 0:14:50.120
<v Speaker 3>Yes. The issues of.

0:14:50.080 --> 0:14:54.320
<v Speaker 2>My past and what people don't realize is in Oakland,

0:14:54.400 --> 0:14:56.520
<v Speaker 2>especially the years that I was there in West Oakland.

0:14:56.880 --> 0:14:59.080
<v Speaker 2>It was the hub of the crack wars. Were they

0:14:59.200 --> 0:15:01.280
<v Speaker 2>there's shows done it about it. And we would go

0:15:01.320 --> 0:15:03.560
<v Speaker 2>out the door on in our district alone, in our

0:15:03.560 --> 0:15:07.640
<v Speaker 2>area of town, one hundred shootings per year where people died. Well,

0:15:07.720 --> 0:15:10.080
<v Speaker 2>only one out of every five person shot would die.

0:15:10.160 --> 0:15:12.200
<v Speaker 2>So think about all the people that weren't dying and

0:15:12.240 --> 0:15:14.920
<v Speaker 2>the traumas we were seeing. Plus we were one of

0:15:14.960 --> 0:15:17.520
<v Speaker 2>the busiest and still are one of the busiest firefighting

0:15:17.520 --> 0:15:19.560
<v Speaker 2>in cities in all the United States because being out

0:15:19.560 --> 0:15:20.400
<v Speaker 2>here on the West coast.

0:15:20.520 --> 0:15:22.119
<v Speaker 3>Our city was built.

0:15:21.840 --> 0:15:24.360
<v Speaker 2>In eighteen hundreds, early nineteen hundreds and it didn't burn

0:15:24.400 --> 0:15:26.840
<v Speaker 2>down to the big earthquakes like San Francisco did and

0:15:26.960 --> 0:15:31.120
<v Speaker 2>have a no economy, high crime rate, no jobs. You know,

0:15:31.720 --> 0:15:35.040
<v Speaker 2>we would just go out and could imagine we would

0:15:35.080 --> 0:15:39.560
<v Speaker 2>even have the military would send their medics to ride

0:15:39.600 --> 0:15:41.920
<v Speaker 2>with us to learn how to shoot or how to

0:15:41.920 --> 0:15:44.520
<v Speaker 2>deal with gunshot victims, because that's how many we went

0:15:44.560 --> 0:15:47.360
<v Speaker 2>to Because in wars, yes, major things are going on,

0:15:47.840 --> 0:15:50.160
<v Speaker 2>but we would consistently go back fire us, another shooting,

0:15:50.240 --> 0:15:52.880
<v Speaker 2>back fire us, another shooting, backfire house, another shooting those guys.

0:15:52.920 --> 0:15:54.680
<v Speaker 2>You know, they're fighting, battling, And I'm not taking away

0:15:54.680 --> 0:15:56.640
<v Speaker 2>from what they do. It's and what they've seen in

0:15:56.680 --> 0:15:59.600
<v Speaker 2>the traumas they've gone through. But because we did it

0:15:59.640 --> 0:16:02.880
<v Speaker 2>so much, they would send them to us to learn

0:16:02.920 --> 0:16:04.960
<v Speaker 2>about it. But the traumas that you take on the

0:16:04.960 --> 0:16:07.680
<v Speaker 2>way I explain it is every time you go out

0:16:07.720 --> 0:16:10.880
<v Speaker 2>the door of the firehouse to someone else's emergency, you're

0:16:10.920 --> 0:16:13.840
<v Speaker 2>becoming part of their story that you wouldn't have if

0:16:13.880 --> 0:16:16.120
<v Speaker 2>you've just been sitting home, chilling or anything. But then

0:16:16.160 --> 0:16:18.320
<v Speaker 2>you're also part of their story as someone they're looking

0:16:18.360 --> 0:16:20.880
<v Speaker 2>to to help them and make it better. And when

0:16:20.920 --> 0:16:24.440
<v Speaker 2>you can't, it crushes you, especially when you don't understand

0:16:24.440 --> 0:16:26.240
<v Speaker 2>God's will and you're the rescuer. Because I was like

0:16:26.240 --> 0:16:28.200
<v Speaker 2>a guy who was trying to rescue people without even

0:16:28.240 --> 0:16:31.240
<v Speaker 2>knowing how to rescue myself, so I was dying. It's like, well,

0:16:31.240 --> 0:16:33.400
<v Speaker 2>when you're doing that, each scene you go to, you're

0:16:33.440 --> 0:16:35.920
<v Speaker 2>picking up a piece of that scene and you're putting

0:16:35.920 --> 0:16:37.720
<v Speaker 2>it in your bag and you're putting your back, and

0:16:37.800 --> 0:16:40.760
<v Speaker 2>eventually that bag gets so worn down that's finally going

0:16:40.840 --> 0:16:43.280
<v Speaker 2>to drag you down. And I was at a point

0:16:43.280 --> 0:16:45.480
<v Speaker 2>in my life where I was actually ten seconds out

0:16:45.520 --> 0:16:49.760
<v Speaker 2>from killing myself because of it, and San Francisco firefighter

0:16:49.800 --> 0:16:51.440
<v Speaker 2>who's a friend of mine intervened.

0:16:51.880 --> 0:16:55.000
<v Speaker 1>And you're listening to Jason saw Tell. By the way,

0:16:55.040 --> 0:16:57.880
<v Speaker 1>the story you're hearing is not entirely different from a

0:16:57.920 --> 0:17:02.160
<v Speaker 1>lot of first responders, cops and firemen soldiers who, especially

0:17:02.200 --> 0:17:05.199
<v Speaker 1>those who've had early life trauma, bury the trauma and

0:17:05.240 --> 0:17:09.080
<v Speaker 1>then continue to bury future trauma until sooner or later

0:17:09.160 --> 0:17:12.560
<v Speaker 1>they can't take it, particularly men who suffer from these

0:17:12.640 --> 0:17:16.639
<v Speaker 1>machismo cultures which don't exactly reward of this kind of

0:17:16.640 --> 0:17:19.919
<v Speaker 1>confessional or this sign of so called weakness. When we

0:17:20.000 --> 0:17:24.160
<v Speaker 1>come back more of Jason Sawtell's story here on our

0:17:24.280 --> 0:18:12.199
<v Speaker 1>American stories, and we continue with our American stories, and

0:18:12.280 --> 0:18:15.840
<v Speaker 1>we returned to the story a former firefighter, Jason Sawtel.

0:18:16.480 --> 0:18:19.480
<v Speaker 1>We left off with Jason talking about the traumas that

0:18:19.600 --> 0:18:23.240
<v Speaker 1>firefighters carry with him from all that they've seen. Let's

0:18:23.280 --> 0:18:25.440
<v Speaker 1>get back to Jason and hear how he dealt with

0:18:25.880 --> 0:18:28.320
<v Speaker 1>or didn't deal with these burdens.

0:18:29.119 --> 0:18:32.719
<v Speaker 2>I would respond to fires and we would get them

0:18:32.720 --> 0:18:34.440
<v Speaker 2>while people were still alive, but they've burned to death

0:18:34.440 --> 0:18:35.960
<v Speaker 2>as we're trying to get to them. Well, that made

0:18:35.960 --> 0:18:38.200
<v Speaker 2>me feel like the big failure I felt. So I

0:18:38.320 --> 0:18:40.920
<v Speaker 2>took on the weight to the world on my shoulders.

0:18:41.400 --> 0:18:44.720
<v Speaker 2>And what I've always done, I've actually shielded myself from that.

0:18:44.760 --> 0:18:46.240
<v Speaker 3>Like people ask me, oh, what was the outcome of

0:18:46.280 --> 0:18:47.320
<v Speaker 3>that call? I don't know.

0:18:47.520 --> 0:18:50.560
<v Speaker 2>I have never once followed up on a victim when

0:18:50.560 --> 0:18:52.520
<v Speaker 2>we pulled people out of fires. Obviously I know if

0:18:52.520 --> 0:18:55.200
<v Speaker 2>they survived or not. But like one time, we pulled

0:18:55.200 --> 0:18:58.560
<v Speaker 2>this family out of a fire and they lived. Seriously, like,

0:18:58.600 --> 0:19:01.160
<v Speaker 2>it's very rare that that happens. Usually you'll get them out.

0:19:01.240 --> 0:19:04.040
<v Speaker 2>And most people who are truly trapped there, they're really young,

0:19:04.280 --> 0:19:07.240
<v Speaker 2>really old, or they have some sort of disability because

0:19:07.359 --> 0:19:09.600
<v Speaker 2>folks that are quote able bodied, and I'm using the

0:19:09.600 --> 0:19:11.879
<v Speaker 2>physical term on that. You know, when a fire and

0:19:11.880 --> 0:19:14.200
<v Speaker 2>smokes loft, we bounce out windows, we jump, we leave,

0:19:14.280 --> 0:19:16.640
<v Speaker 2>you know, but people would decrease.

0:19:16.400 --> 0:19:18.760
<v Speaker 3>Senses, you know, because of something going on with them.

0:19:19.119 --> 0:19:20.200
<v Speaker 3>Unfortunately we get there.

0:19:20.200 --> 0:19:22.520
<v Speaker 2>They've been you know, in trap for so long, you know,

0:19:22.960 --> 0:19:25.359
<v Speaker 2>but this family, they wanted to come have dinner with

0:19:25.440 --> 0:19:27.840
<v Speaker 2>us in the firehouse. And this may sound wrong, but

0:19:27.880 --> 0:19:30.600
<v Speaker 2>it's how we protect ourselves. We put another crew in

0:19:30.640 --> 0:19:33.159
<v Speaker 2>there that pretended they were was because I wouldn't show up.

0:19:33.200 --> 0:19:35.400
<v Speaker 2>I refuse to show up. And I know that can

0:19:35.440 --> 0:19:36.919
<v Speaker 2>be kind of wrong, saying, well, you need to let

0:19:36.960 --> 0:19:39.400
<v Speaker 2>people give you grace. But I also have to protect

0:19:39.400 --> 0:19:44.320
<v Speaker 2>myself because as a firefighter, you're a stone cold life saver.

0:19:45.119 --> 0:19:47.879
<v Speaker 2>You have to shut you off and you have to

0:19:47.880 --> 0:19:49.919
<v Speaker 2>go out the door. And like, there's a scene in

0:19:49.920 --> 0:19:52.720
<v Speaker 2>my book where I'm holding a six year old girl

0:19:53.040 --> 0:19:54.600
<v Speaker 2>and all I'm trying to do is keep her head

0:19:54.600 --> 0:19:56.600
<v Speaker 2>covered so the mom didn't see the traumas I'm sitting

0:19:56.600 --> 0:19:58.000
<v Speaker 2>in the little street with her because I didn't want

0:19:58.000 --> 0:20:02.600
<v Speaker 2>her mom's last memories to of seeing her daughters just

0:20:02.720 --> 0:20:04.840
<v Speaker 2>messed up from being hit by a car at seventy

0:20:04.840 --> 0:20:07.800
<v Speaker 2>miles per hour out front of our firehouse. And when

0:20:07.840 --> 0:20:10.240
<v Speaker 2>you do that, you have to be stone cold, you

0:20:10.359 --> 0:20:13.040
<v Speaker 2>really do. But you still have to be a human being.

0:20:13.359 --> 0:20:16.439
<v Speaker 2>How do you do that? Well, My safety mechanism is

0:20:17.119 --> 0:20:21.199
<v Speaker 2>I make patients a system of steps. And I know,

0:20:21.240 --> 0:20:24.440
<v Speaker 2>again that sounds heartless, but if they're airways, they're breathing

0:20:24.560 --> 0:20:28.080
<v Speaker 2>their circulation, I need to keep you Okay, they've died. Now,

0:20:28.080 --> 0:20:30.879
<v Speaker 2>I got to slide over here and protect the family

0:20:31.000 --> 0:20:33.120
<v Speaker 2>and give them the care and the comfort they need.

0:20:33.640 --> 0:20:36.280
<v Speaker 2>So where I worked in Oakland, people like, did you

0:20:36.280 --> 0:20:38.560
<v Speaker 2>pray with every patient? Like, dude, that's like a movie

0:20:38.600 --> 0:20:42.640
<v Speaker 2>scene when you have someone with trying to stop lungs

0:20:42.680 --> 0:20:45.720
<v Speaker 2>from doing this and put in an airway through their throat.

0:20:45.760 --> 0:20:47.440
<v Speaker 2>All that's you really don't have a lot of time

0:20:47.480 --> 0:20:49.080
<v Speaker 2>to brainy. It's like, I don't be all. That's why

0:20:49.119 --> 0:20:51.480
<v Speaker 2>I read the Bible. We fill ourselves full scripture so

0:20:51.560 --> 0:20:54.119
<v Speaker 2>when we are encountered with these situations, we know how

0:20:54.160 --> 0:20:55.800
<v Speaker 2>to deal with them. Well, it's the same thing and

0:20:55.840 --> 0:20:58.199
<v Speaker 2>the fire ground and as a firefighter paramedic get a

0:20:58.240 --> 0:21:01.639
<v Speaker 2>busy West Coast fire department, you got to be ready

0:21:01.640 --> 0:21:05.160
<v Speaker 2>to serve the patient. So what I do doesn't work

0:21:05.200 --> 0:21:07.240
<v Speaker 2>for some people. And that's why sometimes there's a difference

0:21:07.280 --> 0:21:09.040
<v Speaker 2>between big city small cities doing.

0:21:08.920 --> 0:21:12.040
<v Speaker 3>It it all hurts. But where I worked, we.

0:21:12.000 --> 0:21:14.320
<v Speaker 2>Don't get called out to a cancer patient that's in

0:21:14.359 --> 0:21:17.280
<v Speaker 2>life because that is part of someone who has gone

0:21:17.320 --> 0:21:19.280
<v Speaker 2>through the end of life care and all that kind

0:21:19.320 --> 0:21:21.919
<v Speaker 2>of stuff. We just deal with emergency care. So everyone

0:21:21.960 --> 0:21:24.639
<v Speaker 2>I've responded to when they died in front of me,

0:21:24.800 --> 0:21:27.800
<v Speaker 2>they didn't expect to die that day. But everything I've

0:21:27.800 --> 0:21:30.679
<v Speaker 2>been involved on, I've had seconds and that's it. And

0:21:30.760 --> 0:21:32.720
<v Speaker 2>so again that's why I've just had an urgency to

0:21:32.760 --> 0:21:35.119
<v Speaker 2>preach the gospel to anyone who.

0:21:34.960 --> 0:21:37.000
<v Speaker 3>Will listener, won't listen in all honesty.

0:21:37.240 --> 0:21:39.000
<v Speaker 2>Day that we got, you know, we're first due of

0:21:39.040 --> 0:21:40.960
<v Speaker 2>the Bay on the Bay Bridge, which is a bridge

0:21:40.960 --> 0:21:43.879
<v Speaker 2>between San Francisco and Oakland, and so it's not the

0:21:44.200 --> 0:21:46.479
<v Speaker 2>Golden Gate bridge. It'll be glamorous one and stuff, but

0:21:46.680 --> 0:21:49.119
<v Speaker 2>this one people jump off of it too, not as

0:21:49.200 --> 0:21:51.320
<v Speaker 2>many as the Golden Gate. And this one day we're

0:21:51.320 --> 0:21:53.919
<v Speaker 2>called out and it was the first time anyone ever

0:21:54.040 --> 0:21:56.360
<v Speaker 2>killed themselves in front of me. Every time we responded

0:21:56.400 --> 0:21:58.240
<v Speaker 2>to a scene of a suicidal person, I can either

0:21:58.280 --> 0:22:01.159
<v Speaker 2>talk them back, we get them back, or lovingly tackle

0:22:01.200 --> 0:22:03.399
<v Speaker 2>them sometimes that's what they need, and then get them

0:22:03.440 --> 0:22:04.840
<v Speaker 2>to the help they need and stuff, because we don't

0:22:04.840 --> 0:22:06.800
<v Speaker 2>want them to hurt themselves. But no one had ever

0:22:06.880 --> 0:22:09.320
<v Speaker 2>killed themselves in front of me. And I was talking

0:22:09.320 --> 0:22:11.840
<v Speaker 2>to this dude, and when I was looking into his eyes,

0:22:12.320 --> 0:22:14.000
<v Speaker 2>this guy was not evil, I want to be clear

0:22:14.040 --> 0:22:16.440
<v Speaker 2>on that, but it was like there was something in him.

0:22:17.320 --> 0:22:19.399
<v Speaker 2>And I'm like abro coming back over the railing and

0:22:19.440 --> 0:22:21.000
<v Speaker 2>I'm like maybe a foot and a half away from

0:22:21.000 --> 0:22:22.679
<v Speaker 2>because I had a good bond with him, And he

0:22:22.680 --> 0:22:23.960
<v Speaker 2>snapped his head up and he looked at me and

0:22:23.960 --> 0:22:26.879
<v Speaker 2>he's like, I'm sorry, and he stepped back and our

0:22:26.920 --> 0:22:29.280
<v Speaker 2>eyes locked as he's taking the eternal plunge, you know,

0:22:29.359 --> 0:22:32.800
<v Speaker 2>down the three hundred foot fall into the bay. And

0:22:32.840 --> 0:22:36.280
<v Speaker 2>when I witnessed that, my whole life just changed. When

0:22:36.320 --> 0:22:38.920
<v Speaker 2>I got back on the fire engine, all the darkness

0:22:38.960 --> 0:22:41.639
<v Speaker 2>I had from you know, the kindergarten story of you know,

0:22:42.480 --> 0:22:45.040
<v Speaker 2>feeling something evil in the closet and all that stuff,

0:22:45.720 --> 0:22:48.280
<v Speaker 2>it came real then, because that evilness that I never

0:22:48.320 --> 0:22:50.440
<v Speaker 2>knew what it was, it became real and I knew

0:22:50.440 --> 0:22:52.239
<v Speaker 2>it was going to take me down too. So when

0:22:52.280 --> 0:22:54.640
<v Speaker 2>I got back on the fire engine, that evilness hopped

0:22:54.640 --> 0:22:55.600
<v Speaker 2>back on the fire engine with me.

0:22:55.680 --> 0:22:57.639
<v Speaker 3>We got back to the firehouse. It was there.

0:22:57.920 --> 0:23:00.600
<v Speaker 2>When I went home to my beautiful house sixty miles

0:23:00.600 --> 0:23:03.520
<v Speaker 2>outside the city limits that I kept perfect because I

0:23:03.520 --> 0:23:06.200
<v Speaker 2>wanted it is my nice little place away from the firehouse,

0:23:06.920 --> 0:23:10.119
<v Speaker 2>that evilness was there. And that all stemmed from the

0:23:10.160 --> 0:23:12.640
<v Speaker 2>recognition I had from that call. And don't get wrong,

0:23:12.720 --> 0:23:16.359
<v Speaker 2>I've been to countless suicides with much more worse ways

0:23:16.359 --> 0:23:18.879
<v Speaker 2>that people had died, but I'd never witnessed that evil

0:23:18.880 --> 0:23:21.679
<v Speaker 2>that took them down, take them down in front of me.

0:23:22.080 --> 0:23:23.720
<v Speaker 2>And so that was one of the roughest calls that

0:23:23.760 --> 0:23:25.920
<v Speaker 2>I had ever been on. And that's where a series

0:23:25.960 --> 0:23:30.200
<v Speaker 2>of events of Christ started calling me through different calls

0:23:30.200 --> 0:23:31.920
<v Speaker 2>I responded to and stuff, but I'd have to say

0:23:31.920 --> 0:23:35.440
<v Speaker 2>that's the most significant one. So during that point, being

0:23:35.480 --> 0:23:38.159
<v Speaker 2>a fireman, I was self medicating with the job. I

0:23:38.240 --> 0:23:41.120
<v Speaker 2>never took on drugs, alcohol, anything like that. And I'm

0:23:41.119 --> 0:23:43.480
<v Speaker 2>not saying I'm above anyone, And if anyone's struggling with that,

0:23:43.600 --> 0:23:45.920
<v Speaker 2>reach out and get the help you need, especially firefighters

0:23:45.960 --> 0:23:48.720
<v Speaker 2>and ems, because you know, we're told not to find

0:23:48.720 --> 0:23:50.560
<v Speaker 2>the help, but we get you know, because we're so.

0:23:50.560 --> 0:23:51.720
<v Speaker 3>Strong, Go get the help.

0:23:52.440 --> 0:23:54.600
<v Speaker 2>But what had happened was I finally got to a

0:23:54.640 --> 0:23:57.880
<v Speaker 2>point in my life after that call where I felt

0:23:58.119 --> 0:24:01.840
<v Speaker 2>something bigger and stupid people stop being stupid church people.

0:24:01.840 --> 0:24:05.120
<v Speaker 2>There's something that popped me. One nighties being attacks laying

0:24:05.119 --> 0:24:07.320
<v Speaker 2>in bed and the attacks were coming to my childhood

0:24:07.320 --> 0:24:11.160
<v Speaker 2>and sweatiness and nightmares and true, I mean, the devil

0:24:11.280 --> 0:24:13.720
<v Speaker 2>was attacking. When I something popped in my head. There's

0:24:13.760 --> 0:24:16.399
<v Speaker 2>a little church down the street from my house, and

0:24:16.440 --> 0:24:17.920
<v Speaker 2>I said, you know what, I want to go in

0:24:17.960 --> 0:24:20.960
<v Speaker 2>there and see what these people are finding. What's what

0:24:21.040 --> 0:24:21.760
<v Speaker 2>the goodness is?

0:24:21.840 --> 0:24:21.920
<v Speaker 3>You know?

0:24:22.000 --> 0:24:23.480
<v Speaker 2>I mean I knew I'm not an idiot. I knew

0:24:23.560 --> 0:24:25.480
<v Speaker 2>Jesus the Bible and all that. I just never read it.

0:24:25.480 --> 0:24:27.200
<v Speaker 2>And you know, the closey at Jesus was a dude,

0:24:27.200 --> 0:24:28.840
<v Speaker 2>But it's not what all these Christians say. He is,

0:24:28.920 --> 0:24:31.920
<v Speaker 2>you know type thing. So I go and I put

0:24:31.960 --> 0:24:33.159
<v Speaker 2>on you know, and I'm as certain and that's what

0:24:33.240 --> 0:24:35.159
<v Speaker 2>I off duty, I would serve quite a bit. So

0:24:35.200 --> 0:24:37.800
<v Speaker 2>I was wearing my best you know, surf shorts, T

0:24:37.920 --> 0:24:39.480
<v Speaker 2>shirt and put on a nice pair of Vans, and

0:24:39.520 --> 0:24:41.560
<v Speaker 2>I'm going to go to church with these people. And

0:24:41.600 --> 0:24:44.000
<v Speaker 2>as I walked up, there were these two greeters and

0:24:44.000 --> 0:24:45.160
<v Speaker 2>all of a sudden they locked me and they put

0:24:45.160 --> 0:24:47.439
<v Speaker 2>their hand up like, you can't come in here dressed

0:24:47.440 --> 0:24:51.359
<v Speaker 2>like that, dude. My childhood came back because my whole

0:24:51.400 --> 0:24:53.640
<v Speaker 2>life as a child, I was told I wasn't good enough.

0:24:53.680 --> 0:24:55.800
<v Speaker 2>I stunk, I had the wrong clothes. I couldn't even

0:24:55.840 --> 0:24:57.840
<v Speaker 2>play pe because if I asked my dad for a

0:24:57.880 --> 0:25:00.640
<v Speaker 2>PE uniform. He would beat me, so I'd just say,

0:25:00.760 --> 0:25:02.280
<v Speaker 2>now have one. So the coach who would give me

0:25:02.280 --> 0:25:04.080
<v Speaker 2>a D minus and make me stand up against the

0:25:04.080 --> 0:25:08.199
<v Speaker 2>wall all PE time. So all that came back, and

0:25:08.240 --> 0:25:09.760
<v Speaker 2>I have a badge of my walk and I've even

0:25:09.800 --> 0:25:11.400
<v Speaker 2>pulled people out of fires. I was given a medal

0:25:11.400 --> 0:25:12.560
<v Speaker 2>of valor, but I didn't want to throw it out

0:25:12.560 --> 0:25:14.480
<v Speaker 2>their face. I'm like, I'm not good enough to come

0:25:14.520 --> 0:25:18.320
<v Speaker 2>in to your church. So I walked away. And the

0:25:18.320 --> 0:25:20.880
<v Speaker 2>next morning I had my suicide planned. And my whole

0:25:20.880 --> 0:25:23.040
<v Speaker 2>suicide plan was I wanted to take care of other people.

0:25:23.240 --> 0:25:25.600
<v Speaker 2>I was going to paddle out on my surfboard about

0:25:25.640 --> 0:25:27.919
<v Speaker 2>two miles out in the ocean, take my life. But

0:25:28.000 --> 0:25:29.800
<v Speaker 2>I also had bricks wrapped around me, so take me

0:25:29.800 --> 0:25:31.399
<v Speaker 2>to the bottom. So no, I didn't want to be

0:25:31.760 --> 0:25:35.920
<v Speaker 2>another firefighter's worst nightmare sitting at Thanksgiving eating dinner and

0:25:36.000 --> 0:25:38.200
<v Speaker 2>thinking about me, who he found on the beach.

0:25:37.960 --> 0:25:38.119
<v Speaker 3>You know.

0:25:38.240 --> 0:25:40.399
<v Speaker 2>So I had it all planned out in a San

0:25:40.400 --> 0:25:43.320
<v Speaker 2>Francisco fire him and actually swung by my house. And

0:25:43.320 --> 0:25:45.720
<v Speaker 2>he's still an atheist to this day. And he invited

0:25:45.760 --> 0:25:47.560
<v Speaker 2>me to go have pancakes and He doesn't even know

0:25:47.560 --> 0:25:49.200
<v Speaker 2>why he came over. He just felt that he needed

0:25:49.200 --> 0:25:49.720
<v Speaker 2>to come over.

0:25:50.920 --> 0:25:54.200
<v Speaker 1>And you've been listening to Jason Sawtell tell his story

0:25:54.520 --> 0:25:58.359
<v Speaker 1>and his book is The Rescuer, one firefighter's story of courage,

0:25:58.640 --> 0:26:02.560
<v Speaker 1>darkness and the relentless love that saved him. And you

0:26:02.600 --> 0:26:06.040
<v Speaker 1>can get that at Amazon dot Com or the Usual Suspects.

0:26:06.440 --> 0:26:08.800
<v Speaker 1>And you were hearing the compelling story of him watching

0:26:09.119 --> 0:26:12.320
<v Speaker 1>a person take his life jump off the Bay Bridge.

0:26:12.320 --> 0:26:14.560
<v Speaker 1>And if you've ever been on the Bay Bridge or

0:26:14.600 --> 0:26:17.399
<v Speaker 1>the Golden Gate Bridge, this is a drop that'll kill you.

0:26:17.880 --> 0:26:20.119
<v Speaker 1>And to watch something like that, well, it's got to

0:26:20.160 --> 0:26:22.439
<v Speaker 1>take the breath out of you, and it's got to

0:26:22.760 --> 0:26:25.360
<v Speaker 1>force some kind of change. And for Jason to push

0:26:25.440 --> 0:26:28.360
<v Speaker 1>them to church, only to be met by Christians who

0:26:28.440 --> 0:26:30.800
<v Speaker 1>judged him by the way he dressed and pushed him

0:26:30.840 --> 0:26:34.800
<v Speaker 1>back away. Jason now on the edge of doubt and

0:26:35.040 --> 0:26:38.439
<v Speaker 1>even deep self doubt. When we come back more of

0:26:38.560 --> 0:26:42.320
<v Speaker 1>Jason Sawtell's story and his journey. And by the way,

0:26:42.480 --> 0:26:45.520
<v Speaker 1>this is the story of many men and women around

0:26:45.560 --> 0:26:49.240
<v Speaker 1>you who are serving as cops and firemen ex soldiers too,

0:26:49.640 --> 0:26:52.320
<v Speaker 1>And know that these folks, many of them, are struggling

0:26:52.320 --> 0:26:57.080
<v Speaker 1>with the same exact problems. We welcome stories from first responders.

0:26:57.160 --> 0:27:00.600
<v Speaker 1>Send them to our American Stories dot com. The more

0:27:00.680 --> 0:27:03.880
<v Speaker 1>these voices are heard, the better. When we come back

0:27:03.920 --> 0:27:07.960
<v Speaker 1>more with Jason Sawtell's story here on our American Stories.

0:27:37.680 --> 0:27:41.320
<v Speaker 1>And we continue with our American Stories and to the

0:27:41.359 --> 0:27:46.520
<v Speaker 1>final part. A former firefighter and author Jason Sawtel. He's

0:27:46.520 --> 0:27:48.960
<v Speaker 1>been telling us the story from his book The Rescuer.

0:27:49.560 --> 0:27:52.919
<v Speaker 1>We left off with Jason talking about his urge to

0:27:52.920 --> 0:27:57.399
<v Speaker 1>commit suicide, which was stopped by a fellow firefighter. Let's

0:27:57.400 --> 0:27:59.600
<v Speaker 1>return to Jason and his story.

0:28:00.640 --> 0:28:03.840
<v Speaker 2>After that, things in my life started changing. As opposed

0:28:03.840 --> 0:28:06.680
<v Speaker 2>to scene everything is horrible. I started seeing the good

0:28:07.119 --> 0:28:09.399
<v Speaker 2>even in the bad, and it would always have a

0:28:09.440 --> 0:28:12.480
<v Speaker 2>Bible involved or something like that. Well, then one day

0:28:12.800 --> 0:28:15.920
<v Speaker 2>my niece flew out from North Carolina was visiting. She'd

0:28:15.920 --> 0:28:17.919
<v Speaker 2>come be with her cool uncle Jason and stay you know,

0:28:18.040 --> 0:28:19.880
<v Speaker 2>like a week, and so I take vacation. She's only

0:28:19.880 --> 0:28:23.119
<v Speaker 2>like ten eleven years old, and so well, she wanted

0:28:23.160 --> 0:28:25.600
<v Speaker 2>to go have dinner at the popular restaurant which is

0:28:25.640 --> 0:28:27.760
<v Speaker 2>right by the college, and stuff's like, yeah, le's go down.

0:28:27.560 --> 0:28:28.800
<v Speaker 3>There, and we're there.

0:28:29.040 --> 0:28:30.760
<v Speaker 2>All of a sudden, this girl walks bay and I

0:28:30.800 --> 0:28:33.200
<v Speaker 2>tell you what, she is the hottest chick I've ever

0:28:33.200 --> 0:28:34.720
<v Speaker 2>seen in my life. And I'm nothing to look at,

0:28:34.800 --> 0:28:37.320
<v Speaker 2>don't get it wrong. But as a fire less, be honest,

0:28:37.359 --> 0:28:39.400
<v Speaker 2>you know, a young fireman, I would use it, you know,

0:28:39.480 --> 0:28:43.440
<v Speaker 2>and stuff. But she was so unimpressed with me. VI

0:28:43.480 --> 0:28:46.280
<v Speaker 2>at a fireman, She's like, oh, okay, whatever. But she had

0:28:46.320 --> 0:28:48.160
<v Speaker 2>this glow and she had this love and she had

0:28:48.200 --> 0:28:51.360
<v Speaker 2>this light coming out of her and dude, I was like, easy,

0:28:51.360 --> 0:28:53.600
<v Speaker 2>you can see here. I have no problem talking. But

0:28:53.680 --> 0:28:55.200
<v Speaker 2>when she came up and I tried your number, like

0:28:56.440 --> 0:28:59.040
<v Speaker 2>you know, and so finally I got her number. And

0:28:59.080 --> 0:29:01.600
<v Speaker 2>the reason she gave me number and she never does

0:29:01.640 --> 0:29:04.040
<v Speaker 2>it is she said she liked the way I was

0:29:04.080 --> 0:29:06.720
<v Speaker 2>treating my daughter. I'm like, that's not my daughter. She goes, oh,

0:29:06.720 --> 0:29:08.240
<v Speaker 2>thank goodness. I didn't want to date a man with

0:29:08.280 --> 0:29:10.760
<v Speaker 2>a kid, you know, and stuff like that. But she

0:29:10.880 --> 0:29:13.520
<v Speaker 2>just saw something in there, and so her and I

0:29:13.600 --> 0:29:16.320
<v Speaker 2>started dating. And she was a nursing student at Sonoma

0:29:16.360 --> 0:29:18.520
<v Speaker 2>State University and a Christian.

0:29:19.520 --> 0:29:21.840
<v Speaker 3>And she is the first person that I can ever

0:29:21.880 --> 0:29:22.400
<v Speaker 3>tell the truth.

0:29:22.520 --> 0:29:24.200
<v Speaker 2>I didn't lie to try to get stuff, but if

0:29:24.200 --> 0:29:25.960
<v Speaker 2>people would ask me what was your childhood?

0:29:26.000 --> 0:29:27.280
<v Speaker 3>Like, Oh, it's good. I just grew up surfing and

0:29:27.280 --> 0:29:28.080
<v Speaker 3>playing sports. Right.

0:29:28.120 --> 0:29:31.280
<v Speaker 2>I wouldn't let anyone in because the second I did,

0:29:31.360 --> 0:29:33.640
<v Speaker 2>the evilness and emptiness inside of me would eat it

0:29:33.720 --> 0:29:36.120
<v Speaker 2>up and destroy every relationship I ever had. And I

0:29:36.160 --> 0:29:38.120
<v Speaker 2>had some long term relationships, but you know, they got

0:29:38.160 --> 0:29:41.240
<v Speaker 2>eaten alive because they didn't have a foundation. So one

0:29:41.320 --> 0:29:44.400
<v Speaker 2>day in particular, I was talking to Christy because we

0:29:44.440 --> 0:29:46.520
<v Speaker 2>had a lunch date and I just got off duty,

0:29:46.520 --> 0:29:47.360
<v Speaker 2>off my twenty.

0:29:47.080 --> 0:29:49.800
<v Speaker 3>Fourth shift, and she's like, how is your date?

0:29:49.880 --> 0:29:52.400
<v Speaker 2>And that's a rough question to ask a West Oakland fireman, right,

0:29:52.400 --> 0:29:54.360
<v Speaker 2>I'm like, oh, it's good. You know what this sucks.

0:29:54.400 --> 0:29:56.240
<v Speaker 2>I was holding this little girl that had been hit

0:29:56.280 --> 0:29:58.760
<v Speaker 2>by a car and she died, and you know, I

0:29:58.800 --> 0:30:00.200
<v Speaker 2>was dead, and so I was trying to keep her

0:30:00.200 --> 0:30:02.520
<v Speaker 2>mom from seeing all the body trauma and stuff. And

0:30:02.560 --> 0:30:04.560
<v Speaker 2>I just hold her mom and crying with her mom,

0:30:04.600 --> 0:30:06.960
<v Speaker 2>and it was just kind of sucked. And I look

0:30:07.040 --> 0:30:11.160
<v Speaker 2>over and Christie's crying, and also I thought, oh, Dad, Jason,

0:30:11.160 --> 0:30:12.840
<v Speaker 2>the idiot, you let the filter come off.

0:30:12.880 --> 0:30:14.920
<v Speaker 3>You told the story they'd ever and she's gonna walk

0:30:14.960 --> 0:30:16.560
<v Speaker 3>with me, and she looks at me. She goes, but

0:30:16.560 --> 0:30:18.560
<v Speaker 3>at least that little girl's with Jesus right.

0:30:19.360 --> 0:30:22.200
<v Speaker 2>And my eyes are like, you know, and it's the

0:30:22.200 --> 0:30:24.680
<v Speaker 2>first time I was ever honest again. I said, I

0:30:24.720 --> 0:30:26.400
<v Speaker 2>don't know what to believe. I was truly at that

0:30:26.400 --> 0:30:28.880
<v Speaker 2>point in my life, like, I don't know, maybe she is,

0:30:28.920 --> 0:30:30.360
<v Speaker 2>maybe she isn't, but right now I don't know what

0:30:30.400 --> 0:30:33.040
<v Speaker 2>to say. And I saw something in Christie's eyes and

0:30:33.080 --> 0:30:35.200
<v Speaker 2>she's like, oh snap, and I think, oh great, I'm

0:30:35.200 --> 0:30:39.200
<v Speaker 2>gonna get dumped. So she goes back to school and says,

0:30:39.400 --> 0:30:41.000
<v Speaker 2>I want to see you tonight. And she worked three

0:30:41.000 --> 0:30:43.880
<v Speaker 2>different ships at restaurants because she grew up really poor,

0:30:43.960 --> 0:30:46.680
<v Speaker 2>kind of like me, so to eat her way through college.

0:30:46.720 --> 0:30:48.280
<v Speaker 2>She worked at restaurants and she paid her own way

0:30:48.280 --> 0:30:50.320
<v Speaker 2>through college, no help from her family and stuff, which

0:30:50.360 --> 0:30:53.120
<v Speaker 2>was also, excuse me, my layage, super sexy. Okay, guys are

0:30:53.200 --> 0:30:57.920
<v Speaker 2>hearing this, that's hot, Okay. So that night we're going

0:30:58.000 --> 0:30:59.760
<v Speaker 2>to meet up, and I knew she's gonna dump me.

0:31:00.040 --> 0:31:02.040
<v Speaker 2>I go to Barnes and Nobles and dude, I bought

0:31:02.080 --> 0:31:04.840
<v Speaker 2>the biggest King James Bible you ever saw. And I'm

0:31:04.880 --> 0:31:06.720
<v Speaker 2>sitting there and this old lady's like, oh, son, I

0:31:06.800 --> 0:31:09.560
<v Speaker 2>love to see young Christian buying Bibles. And I'm just saying, dude,

0:31:09.560 --> 0:31:11.640
<v Speaker 2>I just want out of here before God smites me.

0:31:11.760 --> 0:31:13.720
<v Speaker 3>Lighting's gonna hit. I'm gonna be done. I'm the last

0:31:13.720 --> 0:31:14.440
<v Speaker 3>guy to carry about.

0:31:14.520 --> 0:31:16.240
<v Speaker 2>It's like, get home. I get that Bible home and

0:31:16.240 --> 0:31:18.200
<v Speaker 2>I'm start flipping through it. I think I got somewhere

0:31:18.200 --> 0:31:20.680
<v Speaker 2>around Deuteronomy and I'm like, I got jipped. I got

0:31:20.680 --> 0:31:22.680
<v Speaker 2>a Bible with no Jesus and this sucks.

0:31:22.720 --> 0:31:26.080
<v Speaker 3>Okay. So and mind you, I'm not a Christian time,

0:31:26.120 --> 0:31:28.680
<v Speaker 3>I've never been to church. Okay. So I'm like, well,

0:31:28.760 --> 0:31:30.880
<v Speaker 3>forget it. Do I want to dump Chris? You let

0:31:30.920 --> 0:31:31.400
<v Speaker 3>her dumb me?

0:31:31.440 --> 0:31:33.200
<v Speaker 2>But something he said, just go meet with her. And

0:31:33.240 --> 0:31:34.880
<v Speaker 2>so as I met with her was like ten o'clock

0:31:34.880 --> 0:31:36.800
<v Speaker 2>at night atting Barnes and Noble, which is kind of

0:31:36.800 --> 0:31:39.800
<v Speaker 2>crazy too, in their coffee shop next to her restaurant.

0:31:40.120 --> 0:31:42.720
<v Speaker 2>She comes in, she sits down and she says, I

0:31:42.840 --> 0:31:44.320
<v Speaker 2>love you. I mean, we're two weeks in.

0:31:45.480 --> 0:31:46.080
<v Speaker 3>And I was like, wellhead.

0:31:46.120 --> 0:31:47.800
<v Speaker 2>She's like, I love you, but I'm not going to

0:31:47.880 --> 0:31:49.920
<v Speaker 2>continue to date you unless you come to.

0:31:49.960 --> 0:31:50.440
<v Speaker 3>Church with me.

0:31:50.880 --> 0:31:52.840
<v Speaker 2>She never once said you have to be a Christian

0:31:52.880 --> 0:31:55.400
<v Speaker 2>after this, after the fact that I asked Heim, like,

0:31:55.480 --> 0:31:57.400
<v Speaker 2>why did you invite me to church? And she's like,

0:31:57.640 --> 0:31:59.720
<v Speaker 2>you're a train wreck. She's like, I was just me.

0:31:59.880 --> 0:32:02.400
<v Speaker 2>I needed to give you to church because I couldn't

0:32:02.440 --> 0:32:05.080
<v Speaker 2>even talk to you about Christianity because I didn't know

0:32:05.120 --> 0:32:07.360
<v Speaker 2>how to someone like you, which she knew she need

0:32:07.360 --> 0:32:07.680
<v Speaker 2>to bring me.

0:32:07.680 --> 0:32:10.080
<v Speaker 3>The body of Christ. So to speed up the story,

0:32:10.240 --> 0:32:13.120
<v Speaker 3>I go to church and no joke, the pastor.

0:32:13.120 --> 0:32:15.240
<v Speaker 2>I talk with him and we had a few toxic

0:32:15.360 --> 0:32:17.200
<v Speaker 2>like come join my small group, Like, yo, no, I'm

0:32:17.200 --> 0:32:19.200
<v Speaker 2>not gianing a Christian small group. What are we gonna

0:32:19.200 --> 0:32:21.320
<v Speaker 2>do for you can cut the heads off chickens and candles?

0:32:21.320 --> 0:32:23.160
<v Speaker 2>And he just laughs like I love your sens a humor.

0:32:23.240 --> 0:32:25.320
<v Speaker 2>I'm like, I was trying to push him away, to

0:32:25.360 --> 0:32:27.400
<v Speaker 2>be honest with you, you know. So I went and

0:32:27.440 --> 0:32:30.000
<v Speaker 2>he gave me the unedited full version of the Gospel

0:32:30.000 --> 0:32:33.719
<v Speaker 2>message over time, not right away. He saw that I

0:32:33.760 --> 0:32:35.880
<v Speaker 2>wasn't someone that's like, okay, let's just go for right now.

0:32:35.920 --> 0:32:38.320
<v Speaker 2>He saw it'd be some pushback. But what hit me

0:32:38.440 --> 0:32:41.200
<v Speaker 2>was he said, Jason, there's no goodness in this world.

0:32:41.280 --> 0:32:43.320
<v Speaker 2>And even though you're going out and doing good things.

0:32:43.720 --> 0:32:45.560
<v Speaker 2>Where does it come from? Like, dude, I'm good, I'm

0:32:45.600 --> 0:32:48.480
<v Speaker 2>a fireman. I've almost died in fires. He's like, yeah,

0:32:48.480 --> 0:32:51.400
<v Speaker 2>but where's that goodness coming from. He's it comes down

0:32:51.440 --> 0:32:53.360
<v Speaker 2>into you and through you, and you want to serve

0:32:53.520 --> 0:32:56.920
<v Speaker 2>something greater God, and that's part of what you do.

0:32:57.040 --> 0:32:59.800
<v Speaker 2>So the goodness thing, plus hearing about the sinner, I think, well,

0:32:59.800 --> 0:33:02.360
<v Speaker 2>that reminded me of the fire department of we do

0:33:02.560 --> 0:33:07.160
<v Speaker 2>something for something greater, right and everything. So after that period,

0:33:07.480 --> 0:33:10.240
<v Speaker 2>we had a fire and almost died in the fire.

0:33:10.400 --> 0:33:13.200
<v Speaker 2>I got trapped, I got cut off from the crew.

0:33:13.520 --> 0:33:16.160
<v Speaker 2>I had no way out. We're in a twenty story

0:33:16.200 --> 0:33:18.760
<v Speaker 2>brick building built in the early nineteen twenties, and it

0:33:18.840 --> 0:33:22.120
<v Speaker 2>was well involved, and I thought I was.

0:33:22.040 --> 0:33:22.520
<v Speaker 3>Going to die.

0:33:23.000 --> 0:33:25.840
<v Speaker 2>And being in that darkness, in that exact room and

0:33:25.880 --> 0:33:28.640
<v Speaker 2>the extreme heat and the pain and we're talking, you know,

0:33:28.680 --> 0:33:30.640
<v Speaker 2>a room that's pushing eight nine hundred degrees and I

0:33:30.640 --> 0:33:32.240
<v Speaker 2>have a pocket of air and I'm trying to survive

0:33:32.280 --> 0:33:35.800
<v Speaker 2>and I'm screaming may Day for help. All of a sudden,

0:33:35.880 --> 0:33:40.640
<v Speaker 2>the gospel message became real. Sin, everything we've gone through

0:33:41.040 --> 0:33:44.680
<v Speaker 2>became real. The darkness that I recognized was around me.

0:33:44.760 --> 0:33:47.160
<v Speaker 2>The emptiness that was in me became real, and I

0:33:47.200 --> 0:33:49.040
<v Speaker 2>thought to myself, laying in that far, I'm like, I

0:33:49.080 --> 0:33:51.440
<v Speaker 2>don't want to die separated from God. I don't want

0:33:51.480 --> 0:33:55.040
<v Speaker 2>to die eternally in eternal pain. This is not good

0:33:55.080 --> 0:33:57.600
<v Speaker 2>right here. And so when I came out of that fire,

0:33:57.840 --> 0:33:59.960
<v Speaker 2>it was like, over a period of a few hours,

0:34:00.120 --> 0:34:02.360
<v Speaker 2>like it just made sense. It was like the light

0:34:02.400 --> 0:34:05.360
<v Speaker 2>bulb clicked on. You know, it's like, come back up

0:34:05.400 --> 0:34:08.480
<v Speaker 2>to home after a off shift. I'm telling Christy about

0:34:08.520 --> 0:34:09.840
<v Speaker 2>the fire, and you know, of course she's looking the

0:34:09.840 --> 0:34:11.560
<v Speaker 2>blisters on me. I'm like, oh, listen's no big deal

0:34:11.600 --> 0:34:14.879
<v Speaker 2>of fireman. I get blistered all the time. And I said,

0:34:14.920 --> 0:34:18.200
<v Speaker 2>guess what I'm I'm totally in on this Jesus thing

0:34:18.760 --> 0:34:20.520
<v Speaker 2>and I'm a believer. And she looks like she's like, well,

0:34:20.560 --> 0:34:23.439
<v Speaker 2>Awry knew that, you idiot. So there's no glorious thing

0:34:23.440 --> 0:34:25.880
<v Speaker 2>about She's like, oh, I need your coming to Christ.

0:34:25.880 --> 0:34:27.959
<v Speaker 2>And that's what I love about my wife is even

0:34:27.960 --> 0:34:32.200
<v Speaker 2>to this day, she's that hardcore loving feminine in a

0:34:32.280 --> 0:34:36.799
<v Speaker 2>Christian way, helping be my partner where to become one.

0:34:36.840 --> 0:34:39.879
<v Speaker 2>But she's still tough on me to this day. And

0:34:39.920 --> 0:34:41.759
<v Speaker 2>that's the story of how I came to christ Man

0:34:42.000 --> 0:34:45.080
<v Speaker 2>was just growing up in hell, living in hell, being

0:34:45.120 --> 0:34:48.640
<v Speaker 2>a fire department. If you were looking out or looking

0:34:48.719 --> 0:34:50.799
<v Speaker 2>into me from the outside, all you were going to.

0:34:50.800 --> 0:34:51.440
<v Speaker 3>See was awesome.

0:34:51.440 --> 0:34:52.880
<v Speaker 2>He had the truck, he had the boat, he had

0:34:52.880 --> 0:34:55.359
<v Speaker 2>the house, he had all that stuff. Right, you can

0:34:55.440 --> 0:34:57.960
<v Speaker 2>have all that stuff. Give me a smelly, one bedroom

0:34:58.000 --> 0:35:01.040
<v Speaker 2>apartment with cockroaches that's full of love in Christ and

0:35:01.080 --> 0:35:03.840
<v Speaker 2>I'm all in, okay, because all that stuff's just gonna

0:35:03.880 --> 0:35:04.320
<v Speaker 2>go nowhere.

0:35:04.320 --> 0:35:06.920
<v Speaker 3>It's gonna become dust. And then so that's kind of

0:35:06.920 --> 0:35:09.880
<v Speaker 3>my salvation story wrapped up in a nutshell there. A

0:35:09.920 --> 0:35:11.800
<v Speaker 3>few years ago, I broke my back.

0:35:11.680 --> 0:35:14.880
<v Speaker 2>And my hip on a fire and the day the

0:35:14.880 --> 0:35:17.440
<v Speaker 2>doctor walked into my hospital room so I couldn't be

0:35:17.440 --> 0:35:18.120
<v Speaker 2>a fireman anymore.

0:35:18.120 --> 0:35:19.200
<v Speaker 3>As one of the worst.

0:35:19.000 --> 0:35:21.200
<v Speaker 2>Days of my life ever, seriously, but it's become one

0:35:21.239 --> 0:35:23.279
<v Speaker 2>of the best days because of how God's using it now.

0:35:23.360 --> 0:35:26.960
<v Speaker 2>So what happened was I started facebooking some of my

0:35:27.280 --> 0:35:30.160
<v Speaker 2>feelings and thoughts because when I left the fire department

0:35:30.200 --> 0:35:32.239
<v Speaker 2>there was an emptiness in me because it's a good thing.

0:35:32.239 --> 0:35:34.920
<v Speaker 2>Because I did idolize the fire department. But when I left,

0:35:35.080 --> 0:35:38.080
<v Speaker 2>I realized God left me there and he gave me

0:35:38.440 --> 0:35:42.040
<v Speaker 2>over one hundred thousand stories that he sent me. To

0:35:42.200 --> 0:35:44.799
<v Speaker 2>think about it, most of us live our lives of

0:35:45.239 --> 0:35:46.759
<v Speaker 2>responding in the world around us.

0:35:46.840 --> 0:35:49.080
<v Speaker 3>I actually got to go be part of other people's stories. Well.

0:35:49.120 --> 0:35:51.480
<v Speaker 2>I believe when God sends you places and he gives

0:35:51.520 --> 0:35:54.240
<v Speaker 2>you something, he wants you to use them to glorify

0:35:54.360 --> 0:35:57.600
<v Speaker 2>Him and bless others. So I started writing about my experiences.

0:35:57.680 --> 0:35:59.560
<v Speaker 2>I put on what I call my scriptural goggles. I

0:35:59.640 --> 0:36:02.359
<v Speaker 2>look in my Bible, I'd read messages. Then I would

0:36:02.360 --> 0:36:04.640
<v Speaker 2>look back at the responses I went to and say,

0:36:04.680 --> 0:36:07.360
<v Speaker 2>how can I bless people by tying this message all together?

0:36:08.080 --> 0:36:10.879
<v Speaker 2>And my Facebook page started growing and growing and growing.

0:36:10.920 --> 0:36:12.840
<v Speaker 2>Next thing, I'm like three, four or five hundred thousand,

0:36:12.880 --> 0:36:14.879
<v Speaker 2>people are like okay, And it's not about the likes

0:36:14.960 --> 0:36:16.920
<v Speaker 2>or anything. It was just that people liked what I

0:36:16.960 --> 0:36:18.640
<v Speaker 2>had to say, you know, because I'm writing at the

0:36:19.120 --> 0:36:21.720
<v Speaker 2>freaking ninth or tenth grade level as a blue collared fireman,

0:36:21.800 --> 0:36:22.920
<v Speaker 2>but I'm bringing the truth.

0:36:22.719 --> 0:36:24.520
<v Speaker 3>To people and they liked it.

0:36:25.000 --> 0:36:27.960
<v Speaker 2>So I was speaking at men's retreats and I'm blessed

0:36:28.000 --> 0:36:29.960
<v Speaker 2>to speak at churches. And they said, have you ever

0:36:30.000 --> 0:36:31.520
<v Speaker 2>thought about writing a book where you can put your

0:36:31.520 --> 0:36:33.440
<v Speaker 2>whole story together? Because, as you can see, is our

0:36:33.480 --> 0:36:36.800
<v Speaker 2>time here together. It's been eight hours talking about things

0:36:36.800 --> 0:36:39.360
<v Speaker 2>that I've experienced. And so I said, yeah, but I

0:36:40.000 --> 0:36:42.560
<v Speaker 2>have all the stories I write in more like blog form,

0:36:42.719 --> 0:36:44.960
<v Speaker 2>and they said, no, prom you know what, we can

0:36:45.000 --> 0:36:46.920
<v Speaker 2>help you with a writer that doesn't change a story,

0:36:47.160 --> 0:36:49.040
<v Speaker 2>but he'll help pull it out. Like I'll say, yeah,

0:36:49.080 --> 0:36:50.640
<v Speaker 2>we're gonna fire with dark and hot. He's like, hey,

0:36:50.680 --> 0:36:52.520
<v Speaker 2>Jason explained it to me and bring the arcs to

0:36:52.560 --> 0:36:54.879
<v Speaker 2>it and that kind of stuff. And so here I am,

0:36:54.960 --> 0:36:58.640
<v Speaker 2>this dumb fireman from West Oakland. I've never even completed

0:36:58.680 --> 0:37:00.960
<v Speaker 2>reading a book in my entire life. Life is an

0:37:00.960 --> 0:37:03.160
<v Speaker 2>author because I had a story to tell. But it's

0:37:03.200 --> 0:37:04.920
<v Speaker 2>not my story. It's a story God me, and I

0:37:04.920 --> 0:37:07.239
<v Speaker 2>know God gave me, and I know God wants it

0:37:07.320 --> 0:37:09.839
<v Speaker 2>out there because there's no reason someone that's come from

0:37:09.840 --> 0:37:12.440
<v Speaker 2>my background that has never i mean, I don't even

0:37:12.440 --> 0:37:14.480
<v Speaker 2>know have a high school diploma, gets to write a book.

0:37:14.520 --> 0:37:16.520
<v Speaker 2>And the stories are real, they just got cleaned up

0:37:16.520 --> 0:37:19.520
<v Speaker 2>in editorial processes and stuff. That's a straight up God

0:37:19.560 --> 0:37:21.480
<v Speaker 2>thing right there. And that's how the book came together.

0:37:21.640 --> 0:37:24.680
<v Speaker 2>And it's just seeing the way it's blessing people, firefighters

0:37:24.760 --> 0:37:27.160
<v Speaker 2>and non firefighters alike. It's all God.

0:37:27.280 --> 0:37:30.799
<v Speaker 1>He pulled it all together, and a great work as

0:37:30.840 --> 0:37:34.400
<v Speaker 1>always by Madison and Faith putting that story together. And

0:37:34.440 --> 0:37:37.440
<v Speaker 1>a special thanks to joy Neil Kidney for bringing this

0:37:37.560 --> 0:37:40.319
<v Speaker 1>story to us, and of course a special thanks to

0:37:40.440 --> 0:37:44.120
<v Speaker 1>Jason Sawtel for telling and sharing his story with us.

0:37:44.440 --> 0:37:48.840
<v Speaker 1>And the book is The Rescuer, one firefighter's story of courage, darkness,

0:37:49.239 --> 0:37:52.640
<v Speaker 1>and the relentless love that saved him. By the way,

0:37:52.800 --> 0:37:57.280
<v Speaker 1>go to rescuerbook dot com to learn more about Jason

0:37:57.400 --> 0:38:00.640
<v Speaker 1>and his book. Go to Amazon dot com order the

0:38:00.640 --> 0:38:05.440
<v Speaker 1>book The Rescuer. Jason Sawtell's story here on our American

0:38:05.560 --> 0:38:05.960
<v Speaker 1>Stories