WEBVTT - A Real Go-Giver 0:00:01.880 --> 0:00:05.359 Wine down with Janet Kramer, and I heard radio podcast. 0:00:06.720 --> 0:00:17.000 I told you don't read reviews. I say, don't read 0:00:17.200 --> 0:00:22.680 I don't read reviews. But that was a big mistake 0:00:22.720 --> 0:00:27.000 of mine. Yeah, yeah, I like to fill everyone I would. So, 0:00:27.240 --> 0:00:30.120 you know, Caden's at basketball practice last night, and I've 0:00:30.240 --> 0:00:32.800 gone through all my emails, gone through all the social media, 0:00:33.000 --> 0:00:35.080 and I'm like, you know what, I haven't looked at 0:00:35.159 --> 0:00:38.279 I haven't looked hit any of the comments minus umber 0:00:38.280 --> 0:00:42.360 of them on Instagram about the podcast, which I'm sure 0:00:42.400 --> 0:00:45.160 everyone knows, like this is very out of my comfort zone. 0:00:45.440 --> 0:00:47.919 Like you know, I'm not. This isn't the easiest thing 0:00:47.960 --> 0:00:49.720 for me. Okay, I'm just gonna put that out there 0:00:49.800 --> 0:00:52.519 because I'm just curious. So I go look, and you know, 0:00:52.560 --> 0:00:55.520 I'm reading through all the good and bad of all 0:00:55.560 --> 0:01:01.680 of it. I'm like, Catherine has to go. And then 0:01:01.880 --> 0:01:04.200 like another one that's I don't know, one about me 0:01:04.240 --> 0:01:09.000 being judgmental or something, um, and then another one that 0:01:09.160 --> 0:01:12.640 was like I'm sure in real life you're not, but 0:01:12.720 --> 0:01:15.520 like you're her yes person on the podcast, and I'm 0:01:15.560 --> 0:01:19.560 like what, but you know, anyway, it was bad. I 0:01:19.560 --> 0:01:21.600 shouldn't have done it. So then last night, I was 0:01:21.600 --> 0:01:23.119 like in a funk. I was like, these people don't 0:01:23.120 --> 0:01:27.080 like me, right, it sucks. That sucks. I don't know 0:01:27.120 --> 0:01:30.920 how you do it, Like I know, sucks, like you 0:01:30.959 --> 0:01:33.320 don't get it though until it's like actually about like you, 0:01:33.640 --> 0:01:36.920 I know, I see it for you. But then it's 0:01:36.920 --> 0:01:38.560 like dank. So I text her last night I was like, 0:01:38.640 --> 0:01:41.280 don't yeah, don't do that. You're right, like this is 0:01:41.440 --> 0:01:45.880 it was terrible. Well it's some Are you upset? Okay, 0:01:46.400 --> 0:01:53.840 I'm not crying. It's amazing. What how someone can say 0:01:53.880 --> 0:01:56.280 something and just like yeah, I'm because I want to 0:01:56.320 --> 0:02:00.760 read things. It's like full on funk mode because it sucks, 0:02:00.840 --> 0:02:04.440 because can you wantally defend yourself to the people that 0:02:04.480 --> 0:02:06.280 say bad things? Oh, I went to see if you 0:02:06.280 --> 0:02:10.799 could reply. You can't reply. Reply, just make sure you 0:02:10.840 --> 0:02:17.799 apply with not your name. I do sometimes reply on 0:02:17.840 --> 0:02:21.240 the Instagram comments like if they have a question or 0:02:21.280 --> 0:02:23.400 it's something like all hearted or whatever. And one of 0:02:23.480 --> 0:02:26.680 them was on the Instagram comments like the yes person, Oh, 0:02:26.760 --> 0:02:30.040 I was so close, but I didn't. I didn't say anything. 0:02:30.200 --> 0:02:33.960 I just backed off. It's fine. I have a question 0:02:34.000 --> 0:02:39.519 like would you say something like would you ever leave 0:02:39.520 --> 0:02:44.040 a review. Have you left a review? I've left good reviews. 0:02:45.040 --> 0:02:47.120 You're not a bad reviewer. I'm not a bad reviewer. 0:02:47.320 --> 0:02:51.840 Could you leave a review about a person? No? Yeah, 0:02:51.880 --> 0:02:57.280 Like I'm even thinking like old nanny's or babysitters or 0:02:57.280 --> 0:02:59.959 old you know, teachers or old like I'm just trying 0:03:00.000 --> 0:03:02.440 to think of like I would never or even like 0:03:02.560 --> 0:03:05.919 I would never go to Like I don't think who's 0:03:05.960 --> 0:03:08.200 like a celebrity that I would go on. I would 0:03:08.200 --> 0:03:10.760 never leave a night like it would be like you 0:03:10.800 --> 0:03:13.400 need to stop whining, whining, or you need to stop 0:03:14.120 --> 0:03:17.359 oh my god, get over it. It's like who are you? Yeah, 0:03:18.360 --> 0:03:22.080 like you, who are you to say anything? Who am 0:03:22.120 --> 0:03:24.519 I to say? Like, I don't know what now? Again, 0:03:24.600 --> 0:03:28.400 if you have an issue, what do you listen? Exactly? 0:03:28.560 --> 0:03:32.919 Like its like some of them just in general, were 0:03:32.960 --> 0:03:34.800 like you know, one star or whatever, and it's like 0:03:34.800 --> 0:03:36.960 I've been listening from the beginning and I'm on, I'm like, 0:03:37.560 --> 0:03:40.440 don't listen. Yeah, yeah, I don't. I don't know, but 0:03:40.680 --> 0:03:43.160 I'm sorry. I want to say I'm sorry to you 0:03:43.480 --> 0:03:47.280 for what well, because it sucks. It sucks, you know, 0:03:47.400 --> 0:03:49.360 and I mean again, mine was like three things and 0:03:49.400 --> 0:03:51.200 I was like, Oh, don't ever look at that again, 0:03:51.400 --> 0:03:54.600 you know, like, but that just sucks. It sucks that 0:03:54.680 --> 0:03:57.800 people think they have the right. And I understand it's 0:03:57.800 --> 0:04:01.320 a review, so I'm one hand. I understand you have 0:04:01.360 --> 0:04:04.520 every right to give a bad review if you want. 0:04:05.040 --> 0:04:09.160 But when people start attacking your character and you know, 0:04:09.560 --> 0:04:12.360 stop the win or whatever they're saying, like, it's just 0:04:12.520 --> 0:04:14.400 it's just to be hurtful in my opinion, and I 0:04:14.440 --> 0:04:16.040 just I don't like it. It It feels aky I do 0:04:16.040 --> 0:04:17.600 at all. I don't think I could do it. I 0:04:17.640 --> 0:04:18.800 think the only way I could do it is if 0:04:18.839 --> 0:04:21.200 I was like helping a business or something, and I 0:04:21.200 --> 0:04:23.760 still would have a hard time doing that, but if 0:04:23.800 --> 0:04:25.920 it was like your business was really being run into 0:04:25.960 --> 0:04:27.800 the ground or something, and I felt like I was helping, 0:04:28.600 --> 0:04:31.600 But no, not not a person. That's like my new 0:04:31.640 --> 0:04:34.760 favorite word thousand twenty two. It feels it I think 0:04:34.800 --> 0:04:36.840 I got it from you? Yeah, yeah, you know, I've 0:04:36.880 --> 0:04:38.240 said it a lot, and then you're sure to do 0:04:38.240 --> 0:04:39.640 say did I get it from her? Did she get 0:04:39.680 --> 0:04:41.760 it from me? I think that's first time I've said it. 0:04:41.880 --> 0:04:44.040 But it does. It feels itchy because it's it's like 0:04:45.560 --> 0:04:50.080 I mean, it's hurtful and it's and I know, you know, 0:04:50.320 --> 0:04:53.400 we the Kardashians put themselves out there, we have put 0:04:53.400 --> 0:04:56.440 them ourselves up. We people put in it's for criticism. 0:04:56.440 --> 0:05:00.120 At the same time, you got to criticize, like you 0:05:00.120 --> 0:05:03.560 you can maybe question why I've done certain things or 0:05:03.560 --> 0:05:05.599 why you know, hey, Catherine, like do all. It's like, 0:05:05.640 --> 0:05:09.880 but how people it's the way that people respond, I 0:05:09.880 --> 0:05:12.560 think is what It's icky. Yeah, how they respond, And 0:05:12.600 --> 0:05:15.560 I don't love that, Like excuse will you put yourself 0:05:15.600 --> 0:05:18.520 out there? I mean I understand it to an extent, 0:05:18.600 --> 0:05:21.560 but at the same time, like everyone's still human and 0:05:21.600 --> 0:05:24.200 it still hurts people, and it's still at the end 0:05:24.200 --> 0:05:27.279 of the day, people are hiding behind their computers and 0:05:27.279 --> 0:05:30.520 they're bullying, and I just don't I don't like it. 0:05:30.920 --> 0:05:33.200 That's like we had this thing happened. So there was 0:05:33.240 --> 0:05:38.279 this woman who I just happened to. Someone had screenshot 0:05:38.320 --> 0:05:41.960 at me and saying, hey, your neighbor is talking crap 0:05:42.000 --> 0:05:45.880 about you. And I'm like, I immediately got read because 0:05:45.880 --> 0:05:47.680 I'm like, my neighbors are my friends, Like you know, 0:05:48.000 --> 0:05:50.120 like what what? So I look and it was on 0:05:50.200 --> 0:05:54.279 the news and there was this girl being like, yeah, 0:05:54.440 --> 0:05:58.000 I live in Jana's neighborhood, and you know, her boyfriend 0:05:58.040 --> 0:06:00.479 moved in, and like it's just really sad what she's 0:06:00.520 --> 0:06:03.320 doing to the kids. And I'm like, first of all, 0:06:04.640 --> 0:06:07.760 I never moved in, hasn't moved in. Yes, he's here 0:06:07.800 --> 0:06:11.880 a lot, but like, no, he has not moved in. Third, 0:06:11.960 --> 0:06:15.039 fourth million, like who who? Like why are you going? 0:06:15.080 --> 0:06:17.040 And that I wasn't even bad, like it was just 0:06:17.080 --> 0:06:19.640 but again like people just putting out like misinformation. And 0:06:19.640 --> 0:06:21.000 then they were all just like talking about like my 0:06:21.080 --> 0:06:22.600 judgment as a mom, and I'm like, you don't go 0:06:22.640 --> 0:06:24.680 after my mom ng like you're not going to judge 0:06:24.880 --> 0:06:27.120 how I am as a mom and what I do 0:06:27.200 --> 0:06:29.680 for my kids every single day. So I have this 0:06:29.760 --> 0:06:31.880 chain with Pamela and like all my o G moms 0:06:31.880 --> 0:06:35.440 in the neighborhood, like Jenny and Molly and and I 0:06:35.520 --> 0:06:37.919 was like, who is this mom? Because there's been some 0:06:37.960 --> 0:06:41.080 new neighbors that moved in, and they are like we'll 0:06:41.120 --> 0:06:43.640 be at your door in five minutes, five minutes with 0:06:43.760 --> 0:06:46.680 stakes and fire, like we will march down there and go. 0:06:46.800 --> 0:06:49.320 We don't talk about people in this neighborhood because there's 0:06:49.320 --> 0:06:52.520 other people that there's a football players or whatever. It's like, 0:06:53.160 --> 0:06:55.400 we don't do that, And I don't want to have 0:06:55.480 --> 0:06:57.839 to feel like I have to be like careful of 0:06:57.880 --> 0:06:59.520 what I do so that they're not running to like 0:06:59.600 --> 0:07:04.880 a news or whatever. So long story short, pamelin the 0:07:04.960 --> 0:07:07.120 detective of all detectives and like you're really good. But 0:07:07.160 --> 0:07:09.120 like Pam goes into like this is this is her 0:07:09.160 --> 0:07:11.840 second cousin, like you know what I mean? Like yeah, 0:07:12.480 --> 0:07:14.880 within like five minutes, she finds out she's not her neighbor, 0:07:15.560 --> 0:07:20.480 she's um, she lives, you know, down the street like 0:07:20.600 --> 0:07:26.920 five miles. Her son is in the same classroom as Jolie. 0:07:27.200 --> 0:07:30.920 So I'm like he did, So I'm we get her 0:07:30.920 --> 0:07:35.280 son's whatever find out and I'm like what do I do? 0:07:35.400 --> 0:07:37.000 Like do I and Jolie was about to have a 0:07:37.000 --> 0:07:39.960 birthday party? I'm like, do I invite the mother to 0:07:40.160 --> 0:07:44.120 the birthday party? And then just on her way out 0:07:44.120 --> 0:07:46.320 in the gift bag like put the screenshot of what 0:07:46.440 --> 0:07:52.280 I know her thing is on the news? Trust me. 0:07:52.600 --> 0:07:54.280 And so then I'm friends with Julie's teacher, So I 0:07:54.280 --> 0:07:55.520 texted her and I was like, hey, gave me the 0:07:55.520 --> 0:07:58.160 low down on like this kid's mom because like this 0:07:58.200 --> 0:08:01.239 is you know, she talked some like smack on whatever, 0:08:01.680 --> 0:08:05.120 and she was like, oh yeah, you know, like like 0:08:05.200 --> 0:08:06.760 invite me to the party. I want to see it 0:08:06.760 --> 0:08:09.560 all go down or whatever. And so I was just 0:08:09.640 --> 0:08:12.840 like what do I do. I'm like or, and Pamela's 0:08:12.840 --> 0:08:14.360 like here's her number. I'm like or. I just call 0:08:14.440 --> 0:08:18.520 her and just be like hey, like I know what 0:08:18.640 --> 0:08:21.160 you said. You don't know me and you're not my neighbor, 0:08:21.920 --> 0:08:25.480 so stop trying to say like you know anything. So 0:08:25.520 --> 0:08:27.800 I called her because I was like I really wanted 0:08:27.840 --> 0:08:30.200 to like do little like the birthday party thinking but 0:08:30.240 --> 0:08:32.080 I'm like I'm too much of a freaking baby, and 0:08:32.120 --> 0:08:34.839 I don't like confrontation. But but it would have been 0:08:34.880 --> 0:08:38.240 like kind of classic that savage right there, super savage. 0:08:38.280 --> 0:08:40.760 But I was like, I can't do it. I can't can't, can't, 0:08:40.760 --> 0:08:43.559 can't do it. Well it would have been fun, though, um, 0:08:44.240 --> 0:08:48.280 And so I end up calling her, goes to voicemail, 0:08:48.880 --> 0:08:51.880 and then I text her and I was just like, hello, 0:08:52.000 --> 0:08:57.000 this is Janet Kramer, Jolie's mom. Um, this is the 0:08:57.000 --> 0:08:59.880 information that I have. And I was like, don't have 0:09:00.240 --> 0:09:03.080 claim to be my neighbor because you don't live in 0:09:03.080 --> 0:09:06.520 my neighborhood. You're not my neighbor. You have no idea 0:09:07.360 --> 0:09:09.960 if my boyfriend moved in, which he hasn't. I don't 0:09:10.000 --> 0:09:12.480 have to explain that to you, But like, why do 0:09:12.520 --> 0:09:14.559 you why did you feel like even need to go 0:09:14.679 --> 0:09:19.400 on a social magazine or whatever and just start making 0:09:19.480 --> 0:09:23.480 like statements and then question my motherhood about those those 0:09:23.520 --> 0:09:28.040 poor kids. My kids are fine. I'm a great mom, 0:09:28.080 --> 0:09:30.439 and you don't need to worry about my poor kids. Like, 0:09:30.760 --> 0:09:33.840 good for you. So I was just like, and I 0:09:33.840 --> 0:09:35.120 wanted to be like, and he's not invited to the 0:09:35.160 --> 0:09:38.840 birthday party? Was he was? He invited? No? Because I 0:09:38.840 --> 0:09:41.520 heard he said he's a troublemaker in class. He was 0:09:41.520 --> 0:09:45.000 already he was already trout with I'm like, well, doesn't 0:09:45.000 --> 0:09:47.199 follow too far from the tree. They just do that 0:09:47.240 --> 0:09:50.439 for attention. I wouldn't do that though. It's a thing 0:09:50.480 --> 0:09:52.800 like I'm not I wouldn't listen to attention. Thing saying 0:09:52.840 --> 0:09:55.719 that she was in your neighborhood was to get to 0:09:55.760 --> 0:09:58.800 be incredible. It was the kid comment that those poor kids. 0:09:58.840 --> 0:10:02.439 I'm very sensitive to my kids about being a parent, 0:10:02.520 --> 0:10:07.880 like do not And then spread false information. No kids 0:10:07.920 --> 0:10:10.760 are off limits, man, they're off limits. You cannot miss 0:10:10.760 --> 0:10:15.840 with people's kids. So anyways, that happened. How did she respond? 0:10:16.800 --> 0:10:19.440 I'm so sorry. You're absolutely right. That was really wrong 0:10:19.480 --> 0:10:22.319 in me. Good for her, yeah, I mean at least 0:10:22.360 --> 0:10:26.319 she owned it, thank god, because if not getting gone wrong, 0:10:26.400 --> 0:10:33.280 I mean, she was smart enough banked with this going down. 0:10:33.480 --> 0:10:37.720 I mean, you know, but um, so that was interesting. 0:10:37.760 --> 0:10:39.800 And then I have a question for you to I'm 0:10:39.800 --> 0:10:42.000 not going to say the person's name, but it says 0:10:42.320 --> 0:10:45.680 it's a girl that I've talked to on Instagram. She's 0:10:45.720 --> 0:10:48.200 recently gone through a divorce. She's in the public eye, 0:10:48.679 --> 0:10:53.120 and I don't know why it bothers me, but we 0:10:53.120 --> 0:10:56.000 were dem ng and I basically said something to her 0:10:56.640 --> 0:10:59.080 like I'm really sorry for what you're going through, you know, 0:10:59.080 --> 0:11:02.280 And we've we've dammed, we've text sometimes. I was like, 0:11:02.280 --> 0:11:04.160 I'm really sorry for what you're going through, you know, 0:11:04.160 --> 0:11:05.920 if you need anything, like I'm here for you or whatever. 0:11:07.040 --> 0:11:10.559 And then um, and then she's like, oh you too, 0:11:10.679 --> 0:11:12.240 Like I see that you're in a new relationship, Like 0:11:12.280 --> 0:11:14.760 I'm really happy, furious, like thanks, girls, like you know, 0:11:15.800 --> 0:11:18.679 it's just you never know, but like, yeah, I'm definitely 0:11:18.679 --> 0:11:21.560 like in a good spot right now. And she's like, well, 0:11:21.600 --> 0:11:23.560 at least your ex was a lot harder, hotter than 0:11:23.600 --> 0:11:28.640 my ex. At least you're ex it was a lot 0:11:28.720 --> 0:11:31.960 hotter than my ex and I and I can pull 0:11:32.040 --> 0:11:34.880 up the message. But I was like, I stopped in 0:11:34.920 --> 0:11:38.760 my tracks and I was like, well, I would never 0:11:41.240 --> 0:11:46.560 ever call her ex husband hot, whether he was hot 0:11:46.640 --> 0:11:51.560 or not. I wouldn't do that. So for some reason 0:11:51.600 --> 0:11:53.679 it really bothered me because I was like, I mean, 0:11:53.679 --> 0:11:55.480 I'm just gonna pull up the message. I don't understand 0:11:55.480 --> 0:11:58.120 the point, and maybe this cat and you please don't 0:11:58.120 --> 0:12:01.600 be married. Okay. Then we started talking about okay, so 0:12:01.800 --> 0:12:03.880 I just pulled the d M. Then we started talking 0:12:03.880 --> 0:12:07.400 about She mentioned a story about her ex hating her, 0:12:07.400 --> 0:12:09.520 and I was like, oh, girl, don't worry, Like you know, 0:12:09.559 --> 0:12:12.240 my ex hates me too, but really they hate themselves 0:12:12.280 --> 0:12:14.480 literally what I said, because he does. Do you think 0:12:14.480 --> 0:12:17.800 he's a narcissist? This person, my ex makes my life 0:12:17.840 --> 0:12:20.120 living hell every day. Blah blah blah blah blahah uh. 0:12:20.520 --> 0:12:23.040 My ex says I ruined his life to um blah 0:12:23.080 --> 0:12:24.559 blah blah blah blah blah blah. How the heck do 0:12:24.640 --> 0:12:26.839 they hate you know? Does he hate me or whatever? 0:12:28.120 --> 0:12:31.040 Um blah blah blah. It's like he's a man. At 0:12:31.120 --> 0:12:34.839 least your ex is hot. Mine looks like a clown shows. 0:12:34.880 --> 0:12:37.720 At least your ex is hot. And for some reason, 0:12:37.720 --> 0:12:40.640 I'm just like, sorry, that's gonna bother me. I would 0:12:40.679 --> 0:12:42.439 never say your exs hot, especially knowing how much you 0:12:42.520 --> 0:12:45.800 hurt you anyways, have a great day. I don't know 0:12:45.840 --> 0:12:48.040 why it bothers me. I would never say, like, least 0:12:48.040 --> 0:12:49.280 your ex was hot, Like, I don't want to talk 0:12:49.280 --> 0:12:51.400 about how hot my ex was. So I think you 0:12:51.480 --> 0:12:53.880 are thinking two completely different things, okay, talking me through that. 0:12:54.000 --> 0:12:56.040 I think she is literally just trying to make a 0:12:56.080 --> 0:13:00.560 point that like hers is not and as a clown, 0:13:01.400 --> 0:13:03.560 I think she's thinking more about herself and you're thinking 0:13:03.559 --> 0:13:05.800 about yourself. You don't want to hear that your ex 0:13:05.920 --> 0:13:07.720 is hot. I don't want you guys be like, oh, 0:13:07.760 --> 0:13:08.959 your ex is hot. I'm like, I don't want to 0:13:09.000 --> 0:13:13.760 hear that. Yeah, none of us would say that to you. 0:13:14.720 --> 0:13:18.360 But I don't think that was her point. I don't 0:13:18.400 --> 0:13:22.000 think that was like a bad intention personally. I think 0:13:22.000 --> 0:13:24.520 her point was more than like like she had a 0:13:24.520 --> 0:13:26.120 hot one a month's left. I mean, I think it 0:13:26.160 --> 0:13:29.920 was just more about yeah, but you just don't want 0:13:29.960 --> 0:13:31.520 to keep that's something you don't want to hear. But 0:13:31.600 --> 0:13:36.400 she wouldn't know that. I was just like your face. 0:13:37.320 --> 0:13:38.880 I mean, I get where you're coming from, but I 0:13:38.960 --> 0:13:41.200 don't think that it was the intention. How did she 0:13:41.280 --> 0:13:43.120 handle you responding that way? Oh? Sorry, I was just 0:13:43.160 --> 0:13:44.880 trying to make light of it, and I'm like, I 0:13:44.960 --> 0:13:46.560 just don't want to I don't even want to mention 0:13:46.559 --> 0:13:49.679 that he was yeah, because I don't think he's hot 0:13:49.720 --> 0:13:52.880 at all. Anyways, Um, we're gonna take a break and 0:13:52.880 --> 0:13:55.360 then we're gonna get John and An a man coming out. 0:13:55.400 --> 0:13:58.079 You can pre order The Go Give Marriage on Amazon today. 0:13:58.559 --> 0:14:01.160 I'm really excited to get them on. Talk about the 0:14:01.200 --> 0:14:17.679 go Giver. Um, so break, get on John and Anna. 0:14:18.640 --> 0:14:22.200 Hello there, Hi, Well, thank you so much for coming on. 0:14:22.240 --> 0:14:27.000 Wine down. Um, I'm Jamma. This is Catherine. Um. Okay, 0:14:27.040 --> 0:14:28.640 so you had the go giver and now it's the 0:14:28.680 --> 0:14:31.920 go Giver marriage. So what was how did you transition 0:14:32.040 --> 0:14:34.400 from first of all, what is the go giver? Give me? 0:14:34.440 --> 0:14:36.440 The give me the definition so I can be a 0:14:36.480 --> 0:14:39.680 go Giver. Okay, lowdown on the Go Giver. So The 0:14:39.680 --> 0:14:41.400 Go Giver is a book that came out in two 0:14:41.440 --> 0:14:45.400 thousand eight. That's going on and the first rough, very 0:14:45.720 --> 0:14:48.400 draft rolled off my desktop printer in two thousand five, 0:14:48.600 --> 0:14:51.880 so we're coming up on twenty years um. The premise 0:14:51.920 --> 0:14:54.400 of The Go Giver. It's a modern parable and it's 0:14:54.400 --> 0:14:56.160 built as a business book, so it's aimed at the 0:14:56.200 --> 0:14:59.920 business world, entrepreneurs and so on. And the premise of 0:14:59.920 --> 0:15:01.960 The Go Giver is what we call the Pindar principle. 0:15:02.080 --> 0:15:03.960 It says, the more you give, the more you have. 0:15:04.440 --> 0:15:07.880 It just means in business, if you operate with a function, 0:15:07.960 --> 0:15:10.400 with with a with a focus on the other person, 0:15:11.000 --> 0:15:13.360 with the idea of how can I add value to 0:15:13.400 --> 0:15:15.360 this person, how can I serve this person? How can 0:15:15.400 --> 0:15:18.200 I make their life better in the next few minutes, 0:15:18.760 --> 0:15:22.520 rather than what can I get from this? Right that 0:15:22.680 --> 0:15:25.240 it's not only a nice thing, but it's actually advantageous. 0:15:25.240 --> 0:15:29.400 It's it's pragmatic. I mean, your life improves, not just there, 0:15:29.600 --> 0:15:34.400 it helps everybody. So the book did really well. It's 0:15:34.400 --> 0:15:36.240 sold over a million copies. That kind of struck a 0:15:36.360 --> 0:15:38.400 chord and people loved it in the business world, but 0:15:38.480 --> 0:15:42.160 people kept writing to us and saying, when are you 0:15:42.160 --> 0:15:47.160 going to do a go giver book about relationships? Um? 0:15:47.240 --> 0:15:50.520 And that's how my wife got involved, because that's her world, honest, 0:15:50.680 --> 0:15:53.000 this is her career. Her whole adult life has been 0:15:53.040 --> 0:15:57.520 about couples and helping enrich people's lives and helping them 0:15:57.520 --> 0:16:03.160 live more satisfying lives. So because you are in them 0:16:03.160 --> 0:16:07.040 a therapist, I'm a therapist. I've been a marriage therapist 0:16:07.160 --> 0:16:11.880 as well as an individual therapist, mostly for adults. Um. 0:16:11.920 --> 0:16:16.000 And that's been my lifelong career pretty much. UM, some 0:16:16.040 --> 0:16:19.480 stints in business, and and I have a consulting practice 0:16:19.520 --> 0:16:24.360 as well. Um. But yeah, I care deeply about the 0:16:24.480 --> 0:16:27.800 details of what hold people back from succeeding in marriage. 0:16:28.400 --> 0:16:30.880 And a lot of times it's the emotional baggage that 0:16:30.920 --> 0:16:33.520 we all bring from our childhood. It gets in the 0:16:33.560 --> 0:16:36.160 way of us being able to operate and function in 0:16:36.160 --> 0:16:39.600 a marriage in a way where all those old issues 0:16:39.680 --> 0:16:42.360 don't keep rising up and getting in the way of 0:16:42.840 --> 0:16:47.600 true intimacy. So the go giver marriage, what is like, 0:16:48.840 --> 0:16:50.880 how do you then transition from the go giver to 0:16:50.920 --> 0:16:52.840 the go giver marriage? So what are the things that 0:16:52.960 --> 0:16:55.200 like to be to be a go giver in in 0:16:55.240 --> 0:17:00.240 a marriage. You know. The subtitle of the book is 0:17:00.400 --> 0:17:05.320 The Five Secrets to Lasting Love and it's based on 0:17:05.520 --> 0:17:11.880 five components that are based on developmental theory, and developmental 0:17:11.920 --> 0:17:15.400 theory basically says that whatever you need it as an 0:17:15.400 --> 0:17:18.520 infant and as a child, you still need as an adult. 0:17:19.280 --> 0:17:22.800 And so each secret is based on core elements of 0:17:22.880 --> 0:17:25.760 things that you needed as a child that you still 0:17:25.920 --> 0:17:29.600 very much need now. What happens is that people get 0:17:29.640 --> 0:17:33.919 so busy with their lives, chasing their careers, being Instagram influencers, 0:17:34.000 --> 0:17:36.639 you know, going after you know, lots and lots of 0:17:37.960 --> 0:17:41.080 you know, prizes if you will, uh, in the in 0:17:41.119 --> 0:17:44.000 the adult world, that they kind of lose track of 0:17:44.240 --> 0:17:48.159 giving to their spouse these things. So, you know, the 0:17:48.560 --> 0:17:51.359 like the go giver. The basic premises that whenever you 0:17:51.400 --> 0:17:54.199 give to your spouse, you're adding value to their life, 0:17:54.560 --> 0:17:58.159 but it also reverberates back to you and the value 0:17:58.200 --> 0:18:02.560 comes back to you as well in you deeper intimacy, 0:18:02.760 --> 0:18:07.119 closer relationship, better bond, that kind of thing. So what 0:18:07.240 --> 0:18:10.560 are those things that you know your your child self 0:18:10.840 --> 0:18:15.200 needs now as an adult. Uh, Well, one of them. 0:18:15.600 --> 0:18:18.800 One of my favorite of the secrets is just appreciation. 0:18:19.400 --> 0:18:22.399 And it's just the idea that the most important thing 0:18:22.480 --> 0:18:25.199 that we all need as children and as adults is 0:18:25.200 --> 0:18:31.440 to be seen, heard, understood, and deeply witnessed. And that's 0:18:31.440 --> 0:18:34.160 something that people want, they really want it. I mean, 0:18:34.160 --> 0:18:36.159 if you're going to be in an intimate relationship, you 0:18:36.160 --> 0:18:39.280 don't want this person to just love you. You want 0:18:39.359 --> 0:18:41.840 them to get you at a very deep level. You 0:18:41.880 --> 0:18:44.720 want them to understand you. You want them to almost 0:18:44.760 --> 0:18:47.239 be able to read your mind and feel feel you 0:18:47.280 --> 0:18:50.439 when you're just your anxiety is rising or you're just 0:18:50.560 --> 0:18:53.760 feeling like you're going to fall apart after a long 0:18:53.800 --> 0:18:57.159 week at the office whatever. Um. So, it really is 0:18:57.160 --> 0:19:01.320 one of those things that being appreciated such a small gesture, 0:19:02.000 --> 0:19:05.760 but it's a gesture of acknowledgement of you as a 0:19:05.800 --> 0:19:09.439 person and it and we we we stress that it 0:19:09.480 --> 0:19:12.240 needs to be something sincere and authentic. I mean, it's 0:19:12.280 --> 0:19:15.159 great when somebody walks by you in the kitchen it says, babe, 0:19:15.440 --> 0:19:18.440 you're looking great in those genes today. You know, these 0:19:18.480 --> 0:19:22.800 are compliments and they're lovely. But when we're talking about appreciation, 0:19:22.840 --> 0:19:25.439 we're talking about that moment where your spouse stops you 0:19:25.480 --> 0:19:29.080 and says you are the most wonderful person. Your friends 0:19:29.080 --> 0:19:32.359 are so lucky to have you. You're a really good friend. 0:19:32.800 --> 0:19:35.000 And when I watch you with other people, I'm just 0:19:35.440 --> 0:19:38.000 astonished at the way you listen and just what a 0:19:38.040 --> 0:19:41.159 good friend you are, what a giver you are, And 0:19:41.200 --> 0:19:43.919 then you're kind of taken back, going, well, thanks, you know, 0:19:44.000 --> 0:19:47.119 I mean, it's one of those moments. And basically we 0:19:47.160 --> 0:19:49.920 teach people to do it two or three times a day, 0:19:50.000 --> 0:19:52.840 and then up it four times a day, five times 0:19:52.840 --> 0:19:57.399 a day. You know, no one can get enough appreciation. Um. 0:19:57.440 --> 0:20:00.199 You know, it's kind of like I like of it 0:20:00.240 --> 0:20:02.040 to the way people. You know, you can either pray 0:20:02.119 --> 0:20:05.720 a prayer of praise and thanksgiving, or you can pray 0:20:05.760 --> 0:20:08.560 a prayer of gimme, gimme, gimme what have you given 0:20:08.560 --> 0:20:12.320 me today? And this is kind of the same. You know. 0:20:12.400 --> 0:20:14.880 It's like when you're giving to your spouse, when you're 0:20:14.920 --> 0:20:17.680 letting your partner know the little ways that he or 0:20:17.800 --> 0:20:21.800 she is constantly nourishing your spirit and and the ways 0:20:21.840 --> 0:20:23.760 that you feel loved and taken care of, and the 0:20:23.760 --> 0:20:27.240 ways that you see them as a person. Um, it's 0:20:27.240 --> 0:20:31.600 really powerful. And that's that's one John. Is there something 0:20:31.720 --> 0:20:35.720 for you that you struggle with? Um, one of the secrets, 0:20:35.760 --> 0:20:38.000 like in your relationship? Really hey, because I know, like 0:20:38.200 --> 0:20:39.480 I remember, I don't know if you guys read the 0:20:39.480 --> 0:20:41.320 book Love and Respect, but I remember reading that with 0:20:41.359 --> 0:20:44.000 my then my now acts. But you know, it's like 0:20:44.000 --> 0:20:46.240 women want to be loved, men want to be respected, 0:20:46.280 --> 0:20:49.800 And is it is there? Um? Is there a piece 0:20:49.840 --> 0:20:51.399 for you in one of the your secrets and the 0:20:51.440 --> 0:20:53.760 go giver where it's like it's just maybe it's harder 0:20:53.800 --> 0:20:56.280 for men in general, but might be also hard and 0:20:56.359 --> 0:21:00.840 just harder to do um in your marriage. I think 0:21:00.880 --> 0:21:03.240 you know, one of the things that has really struck 0:21:03.320 --> 0:21:07.080 us in this is the power of believing in another 0:21:07.119 --> 0:21:11.320 person and and letting them know that. It's like appreciation 0:21:11.320 --> 0:21:13.880 that Anna was saying, it's fine to appreciate the other person, 0:21:13.920 --> 0:21:16.439 but she's talking about putting it in words, actually saying it, 0:21:16.560 --> 0:21:19.000 because we often forget to do that. We kind of assume, yeah, 0:21:19.080 --> 0:21:21.880 she knows that I appreciate her. It's like that with 0:21:21.960 --> 0:21:24.880 this like core belief in the other person, it's easy 0:21:24.920 --> 0:21:26.480 to let it go to just kind of assume it 0:21:26.960 --> 0:21:28.879 but Anna has done this with me, for we've been 0:21:28.920 --> 0:21:32.639 together for twenty five years now. We both came out 0:21:32.680 --> 0:21:35.960 of prior marriages, so we both like to say, you know, 0:21:36.000 --> 0:21:38.440 had emerged from the smoking ruins of houses that have 0:21:38.520 --> 0:21:43.280