1 00:00:02,160 --> 00:00:05,440 Speaker 1: Here there, folks. It is Thursday, March twenty six, and 2 00:00:05,600 --> 00:00:08,639 Speaker 1: don't you love a good compliment? Doesn't it always feel 3 00:00:08,680 --> 00:00:12,600 Speaker 1: good when somebody says to you, Wow, you look great. 4 00:00:13,400 --> 00:00:16,200 Speaker 1: But does it change when they add to the end 5 00:00:16,239 --> 00:00:19,159 Speaker 1: of that for your age with that? Welcome to this 6 00:00:19,200 --> 00:00:21,880 Speaker 1: episode of Amy and TJ. The subject has come up 7 00:00:21,960 --> 00:00:24,200 Speaker 1: because of Howie Mandel. We will get into all that, 8 00:00:24,239 --> 00:00:26,520 Speaker 1: but let me start off the top. Is it for 9 00:00:26,640 --> 00:00:31,520 Speaker 1: you robes immediately automatically an insult if someone says you 10 00:00:31,560 --> 00:00:32,840 Speaker 1: look good for your age. 11 00:00:33,000 --> 00:00:35,240 Speaker 2: Look, I don't think anybody wants to hear that last 12 00:00:35,479 --> 00:00:37,680 Speaker 2: for your age. And I don't know why you have 13 00:00:37,760 --> 00:00:39,680 Speaker 2: to say that. I think just saying you look good 14 00:00:40,520 --> 00:00:42,919 Speaker 2: is good enough. But when it's around your age, when 15 00:00:42,920 --> 00:00:45,560 Speaker 2: you're talking about your age and then that comes up, Yeah, 16 00:00:45,640 --> 00:00:50,880 Speaker 2: it's you now have You're not being compared to either 17 00:00:50,920 --> 00:00:54,760 Speaker 2: your former self or someone. It just it doesn't feel 18 00:00:54,840 --> 00:00:56,440 Speaker 2: like a compliment when someone says that. 19 00:00:56,640 --> 00:00:59,040 Speaker 1: Okay, Well, Howie Mandel didn't think it was a compliment either. 20 00:00:59,280 --> 00:01:01,320 Speaker 1: Earlier this week, he was a guest on Live with 21 00:01:01,440 --> 00:01:04,960 Speaker 1: Kelly and Mark. I was still about to say. 22 00:01:04,840 --> 00:01:08,200 Speaker 2: Really, Regius, Well, I mean, honestly, it flows, I'd get it. 23 00:01:08,280 --> 00:01:13,319 Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, but hard to say Kelly and Mark, he's on, 24 00:01:13,600 --> 00:01:16,000 Speaker 1: of course, Howy Mendel was seventy years old? By the way, 25 00:01:16,280 --> 00:01:17,760 Speaker 1: can we just say he looks good? 26 00:01:18,040 --> 00:01:18,800 Speaker 2: He does look good. 27 00:01:18,920 --> 00:01:20,960 Speaker 1: How he looks good? I like the look he has 28 00:01:21,000 --> 00:01:23,319 Speaker 1: with the goate he's been using this past several years. 29 00:01:23,520 --> 00:01:26,520 Speaker 1: No hair, the glasses is working for him. You know what. 30 00:01:26,520 --> 00:01:29,320 Speaker 2: He reminds me of like Jeff Goldbloom. Just cool. He's 31 00:01:29,360 --> 00:01:33,120 Speaker 2: like getting cooler with age, like actually like comfortable in 32 00:01:33,160 --> 00:01:37,560 Speaker 2: his own skin, knows his style and yeah, and just looks. 33 00:01:37,440 --> 00:01:43,520 Speaker 1: Good and still hip, appropriately hip, right, not trying too hard. 34 00:01:43,720 --> 00:01:46,520 Speaker 1: God looks great. So he's on. I'm not even sure 35 00:01:46,560 --> 00:01:48,280 Speaker 1: what he was promoting. And we're gonna play this for 36 00:01:48,320 --> 00:01:50,960 Speaker 1: you now. But you've seen a lot of headlines possibly 37 00:01:51,000 --> 00:01:54,080 Speaker 1: that he got into it with the hosts because they 38 00:01:54,080 --> 00:01:58,520 Speaker 1: were complimenting him, Robes especially saying you look great. How 39 00:01:58,600 --> 00:02:01,600 Speaker 1: old are you? They were complimenting that he looked so 40 00:02:01,840 --> 00:02:06,200 Speaker 1: good for the age of seventy. He didn't take too 41 00:02:06,280 --> 00:02:10,600 Speaker 1: kindly to that. So Robes, first, what impression should people 42 00:02:10,639 --> 00:02:12,560 Speaker 1: have if they were just reading the headlines and didn't 43 00:02:12,600 --> 00:02:13,040 Speaker 1: hear it? 44 00:02:13,040 --> 00:02:15,399 Speaker 2: It sounded like, and in fact, some of the headlines 45 00:02:15,440 --> 00:02:20,080 Speaker 2: suggest it was awkward. It was tense, it was uncomfortable. 46 00:02:20,480 --> 00:02:22,800 Speaker 2: So when we went to go watch it, I thought, Wow, 47 00:02:22,840 --> 00:02:24,880 Speaker 2: this is gonna be this is gonna be something. This 48 00:02:24,919 --> 00:02:28,640 Speaker 2: is going to be awkward. That's how it read. When 49 00:02:28,680 --> 00:02:30,800 Speaker 2: you just read the headlines or read some of the 50 00:02:30,880 --> 00:02:32,120 Speaker 2: articles that were written about it. 51 00:02:32,200 --> 00:02:33,960 Speaker 1: Someone were kind of vicious. I mean, we're the point 52 00:02:34,320 --> 00:02:36,120 Speaker 1: you thought they got into it. 53 00:02:36,120 --> 00:02:40,280 Speaker 2: It sounded like from what we read that Howie Mandel 54 00:02:40,800 --> 00:02:43,400 Speaker 2: gave it to Kelly and Mark like actually like serve 55 00:02:43,520 --> 00:02:46,040 Speaker 2: them some angry words. 56 00:02:46,080 --> 00:02:47,960 Speaker 1: Okay, we're gonna play it for you now look some 57 00:02:48,000 --> 00:02:51,359 Speaker 1: of those headlines. Obviously we're a little clickbaity, but we're 58 00:02:51,400 --> 00:02:54,440 Speaker 1: gonna let you hear it. Now. The story here, Yes, 59 00:02:54,560 --> 00:02:57,160 Speaker 1: it's about how and what happened in this moment you're 60 00:02:57,200 --> 00:02:59,720 Speaker 1: about to hear, but has really sparked a very interesting 61 00:02:59,760 --> 00:03:05,560 Speaker 1: co versation about compliments and backhanded compliments. But here is 62 00:03:05,600 --> 00:03:09,280 Speaker 1: Howie Mendel in the exchange with Kelly and Mark earlier 63 00:03:09,280 --> 00:03:09,919 Speaker 1: this week. 64 00:03:10,040 --> 00:03:15,480 Speaker 2: Seventy years yes, seventy years old, Yes I'm seventy. How 65 00:03:15,520 --> 00:03:16,480 Speaker 2: does any sense? 66 00:03:16,680 --> 00:03:19,560 Speaker 1: What do you mean? It doesn't I look great. That 67 00:03:19,600 --> 00:03:20,440 Speaker 1: doesn't mean anything. 68 00:03:20,520 --> 00:03:21,519 Speaker 2: No, I mean. 69 00:03:21,720 --> 00:03:25,560 Speaker 1: No, no, no, no. I don't like that because that's 70 00:03:25,560 --> 00:03:28,680 Speaker 1: a caveat when you say you're Because he tells somebody 71 00:03:28,720 --> 00:03:30,720 Speaker 1: you're seventy and they go, you look great. 72 00:03:30,760 --> 00:03:33,079 Speaker 2: You're not saying you look great for seventy, Yes you are, 73 00:03:33,240 --> 00:03:37,240 Speaker 2: without saying yeah, seventy, I'm saying you look great. I'm 74 00:03:37,280 --> 00:03:39,160 Speaker 2: saying that I don't believe your set. 75 00:03:39,280 --> 00:03:42,080 Speaker 1: No, no, I'm saying no. It's like saying you're smart 76 00:03:42,120 --> 00:03:45,680 Speaker 1: for a stupid person. Yeah, oh you look smart. You 77 00:03:45,760 --> 00:03:46,840 Speaker 1: seem smart. You see. 78 00:03:46,920 --> 00:03:47,800 Speaker 2: I don't look good. 79 00:03:48,240 --> 00:03:51,160 Speaker 1: No, you do look good, Thank you. Okay. Your impression 80 00:03:51,200 --> 00:03:53,920 Speaker 1: after hearing it Robes was what. 81 00:03:54,280 --> 00:03:57,760 Speaker 2: It sounded a little more wink wink, nod, nod, jovial. 82 00:03:57,840 --> 00:04:00,440 Speaker 2: I think Howie was a little annoyed, but he also 83 00:04:00,480 --> 00:04:03,520 Speaker 2: decided to lean into it and spend some humor around it. 84 00:04:04,120 --> 00:04:06,680 Speaker 1: I thought he was being a comedian, that was my impression, 85 00:04:07,480 --> 00:04:10,920 Speaker 1: and he went hard and sometimes comedians sometimes they're deadpan, 86 00:04:11,080 --> 00:04:14,440 Speaker 1: and he was kind of not laughing about it. I 87 00:04:14,520 --> 00:04:18,640 Speaker 1: didn't was the question wrong? Was the response wrong? I 88 00:04:18,680 --> 00:04:22,120 Speaker 1: shouldn't say wrong? But did you take would you have 89 00:04:22,200 --> 00:04:25,680 Speaker 1: done either? One differently. Would you have asked the question differently? 90 00:04:25,760 --> 00:04:27,839 Speaker 1: Would you have answered it differently? That's my question. 91 00:04:27,960 --> 00:04:31,160 Speaker 2: Yeah, so I think, look what when Kelly basically just 92 00:04:31,160 --> 00:04:33,760 Speaker 2: said that doesn't make any sense? It kind of felt 93 00:04:33,839 --> 00:04:36,440 Speaker 2: like feigned surprise. And I don't think he liked that, like, 94 00:04:36,520 --> 00:04:38,679 Speaker 2: come on, what do you mean it doesn't make any sense? 95 00:04:38,760 --> 00:04:42,920 Speaker 2: Like that was annoying to him when people feigned surprised 96 00:04:42,960 --> 00:04:45,719 Speaker 2: like I think he was irritated by it. So she 97 00:04:45,880 --> 00:04:48,039 Speaker 2: probably could have just said you look great now. In 98 00:04:48,120 --> 00:04:50,080 Speaker 2: defense of what she said, I think she did a 99 00:04:50,080 --> 00:04:53,279 Speaker 2: good job of explaining, no, you look great and it's 100 00:04:53,440 --> 00:04:56,640 Speaker 2: hard to believe you're seventy. I think that's a compliment. 101 00:04:57,040 --> 00:05:00,160 Speaker 2: I understand why it can feel offensive, and he he 102 00:05:00,240 --> 00:05:02,120 Speaker 2: went a little hard, but I do think he was 103 00:05:02,160 --> 00:05:04,520 Speaker 2: doing it for entertainment purposes. 104 00:05:04,920 --> 00:05:07,200 Speaker 1: Yes, I'm with you there. I didn't find anything being 105 00:05:07,240 --> 00:05:09,240 Speaker 1: spirited about what he did. Now, it did cause an 106 00:05:09,240 --> 00:05:12,640 Speaker 1: awkward moment because he called them on it, and maybe 107 00:05:12,680 --> 00:05:15,279 Speaker 1: we should all be called on it and think about 108 00:05:15,320 --> 00:05:18,880 Speaker 1: how we speak to folks sometimes. I'm trying to examine 109 00:05:18,880 --> 00:05:23,240 Speaker 1: that particular thing they said, because, to be honest with you, robes, 110 00:05:23,240 --> 00:05:26,520 Speaker 1: there are a lot of people out there who do 111 00:05:26,640 --> 00:05:32,480 Speaker 1: look great for their age. That is just wait, you're eighty. 112 00:05:33,160 --> 00:05:35,440 Speaker 1: Most eighty year olds I see don't look like this. 113 00:05:35,480 --> 00:05:37,880 Speaker 1: They're not out here running a marathon, that they don't 114 00:05:37,880 --> 00:05:44,640 Speaker 1: have toned arms. Isn't it a real thing that factoring 115 00:05:44,640 --> 00:05:51,080 Speaker 1: in someone's age adds to your wonder about how great 116 00:05:51,160 --> 00:05:51,840 Speaker 1: they look look? 117 00:05:51,960 --> 00:05:53,680 Speaker 2: And so I just want to say, I don't really 118 00:05:53,760 --> 00:05:56,479 Speaker 2: take it personally, and I have had people say that 119 00:05:56,520 --> 00:05:59,120 Speaker 2: to me. I think there's a similar thing people say, 120 00:05:59,240 --> 00:06:01,839 Speaker 2: like younger, like twenty year old girls, if I look 121 00:06:01,880 --> 00:06:04,240 Speaker 2: half as good as you do at your age, I'll 122 00:06:04,279 --> 00:06:07,360 Speaker 2: be set. So it's there. I know it's a compliment, 123 00:06:08,040 --> 00:06:10,719 Speaker 2: but I also think we have to be honest with 124 00:06:10,760 --> 00:06:13,920 Speaker 2: ourselves and recognize that as you age, it does get 125 00:06:14,000 --> 00:06:17,400 Speaker 2: harder to look better. You are fighting gravity, you are 126 00:06:17,400 --> 00:06:22,120 Speaker 2: fighting cells that are damaged and declining, like you aren't 127 00:06:22,480 --> 00:06:25,760 Speaker 2: your best, shiny, bright new self physically that you were 128 00:06:26,440 --> 00:06:28,880 Speaker 2: ten years ago, twenty years ago. That's just the truth. 129 00:06:28,960 --> 00:06:32,520 Speaker 2: So I kind of look at it as as a 130 00:06:32,560 --> 00:06:35,440 Speaker 2: compliment because it's almost earned, Like you've worked hard, you've 131 00:06:35,480 --> 00:06:38,480 Speaker 2: taken care of yourself, you've eaten right, you've exercised, you 132 00:06:38,880 --> 00:06:41,680 Speaker 2: take time to make sure you present yourself a certain way. 133 00:06:41,680 --> 00:06:44,360 Speaker 2: You haven't let yourself go, you haven't given up. So 134 00:06:44,480 --> 00:06:47,640 Speaker 2: I actually think it is a compliment. But I can 135 00:06:47,720 --> 00:06:49,279 Speaker 2: understand why it can feel offensive. 136 00:06:49,760 --> 00:06:52,400 Speaker 1: You think it is a compliment, but you see why 137 00:06:52,440 --> 00:06:54,640 Speaker 1: it could be offensive, Yes, but you aren't offended by it. 138 00:06:54,680 --> 00:06:57,120 Speaker 2: Correct. That's exactly where I fall on it. How would 139 00:06:57,160 --> 00:07:00,000 Speaker 2: you feel if someone said that to you. 140 00:07:01,240 --> 00:07:04,480 Speaker 1: I don't really know. I'm thinking. I can't remember times 141 00:07:04,480 --> 00:07:05,760 Speaker 1: where I get I get it a lot when it 142 00:07:05,800 --> 00:07:09,760 Speaker 1: has to do with my frankly, my weight, my physique. 143 00:07:10,160 --> 00:07:12,560 Speaker 1: I'm still the almost the same weight I was in 144 00:07:12,640 --> 00:07:15,160 Speaker 1: junior high school. That is a true story. So I 145 00:07:15,200 --> 00:07:17,520 Speaker 1: get that sometimes, certainly from uncles, like how are you 146 00:07:17,520 --> 00:07:20,680 Speaker 1: You don't have your your stomach's not out, you're forty. 147 00:07:20,680 --> 00:07:22,960 Speaker 1: How are you doing? Yeah, I hear that. Sometimes I 148 00:07:23,000 --> 00:07:27,080 Speaker 1: think that is a compliment. I don't know. I'm questioning 149 00:07:27,080 --> 00:07:30,560 Speaker 1: how to speak to other people when I see them 150 00:07:30,560 --> 00:07:33,880 Speaker 1: and I think someone looks great, Wow, she looks good today. 151 00:07:34,080 --> 00:07:38,040 Speaker 1: He looks good today. What he's seventy four? That's a 152 00:07:38,200 --> 00:07:41,840 Speaker 1: It almost adds to it. But robes if you didn't 153 00:07:41,880 --> 00:07:44,920 Speaker 1: know that person was seventy four, but they still alicit 154 00:07:44,960 --> 00:07:47,240 Speaker 1: a compliment from you about how good they look, right 155 00:07:47,400 --> 00:07:49,360 Speaker 1: or is it only in the context of their age. 156 00:07:50,600 --> 00:07:53,559 Speaker 2: It's probably both. And look, I think what I've always 157 00:07:53,600 --> 00:07:55,960 Speaker 2: tried to do, and I know not everybody wants to 158 00:07:56,000 --> 00:07:58,280 Speaker 2: give this grace, and I get that, but I always 159 00:07:58,360 --> 00:08:03,040 Speaker 2: try to reckon knives or at least incorporate in my 160 00:08:03,200 --> 00:08:07,760 Speaker 2: reaction their intention. And you can tell if someone means 161 00:08:07,800 --> 00:08:10,680 Speaker 2: it as a complient, intends it to be a compliment, 162 00:08:10,760 --> 00:08:12,960 Speaker 2: even if it doesn't feel like one, when you see 163 00:08:13,000 --> 00:08:15,160 Speaker 2: that they're actually trying to give you a complient. I 164 00:08:15,200 --> 00:08:17,600 Speaker 2: give people a break. I understand people have said things 165 00:08:17,640 --> 00:08:19,680 Speaker 2: that you're like, wow, that actually is so offensive, but 166 00:08:19,760 --> 00:08:21,760 Speaker 2: I know you didn't mean it that way, and so 167 00:08:21,880 --> 00:08:25,040 Speaker 2: you just let it go. But it is something to note. 168 00:08:25,080 --> 00:08:26,640 Speaker 2: I think when you see something like this, or you 169 00:08:26,680 --> 00:08:28,960 Speaker 2: hear in exchange like this, it does remind all of 170 00:08:29,080 --> 00:08:32,280 Speaker 2: us to be careful how we choose our words. I 171 00:08:32,440 --> 00:08:35,600 Speaker 2: because not everybody feels the same, and some people are 172 00:08:35,600 --> 00:08:37,400 Speaker 2: more sensitive than others. And I get that. 173 00:08:37,920 --> 00:08:40,160 Speaker 1: This made me think of the commercial you know I 174 00:08:40,160 --> 00:08:41,480 Speaker 1: love now the passive Progressive. 175 00:08:41,600 --> 00:08:42,480 Speaker 2: Oh, it's so funny. 176 00:08:42,640 --> 00:08:47,000 Speaker 1: Marshalls where they're insulting folks over insurance's like, wow, you 177 00:08:47,520 --> 00:08:50,120 Speaker 1: they do have rooms with balconies. Good thing, you save 178 00:08:50,200 --> 00:08:51,680 Speaker 1: money so you could buy some better clothes. 179 00:08:51,880 --> 00:08:54,640 Speaker 2: Like it's a little look how cute you used to look? 180 00:08:54,760 --> 00:08:56,280 Speaker 2: Or look how young you used to look? 181 00:08:56,600 --> 00:09:01,400 Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, brilliant. We should give it for that. But folks, 182 00:09:01,520 --> 00:09:04,160 Speaker 1: this thing is now set off a conversation with a 183 00:09:04,160 --> 00:09:06,520 Speaker 1: lot of folks, and folks immediately want to take size. 184 00:09:06,520 --> 00:09:09,480 Speaker 1: They were with Howie or they're with Kelly and Mark. 185 00:09:09,720 --> 00:09:11,880 Speaker 1: But that's not the case. We actually sat here and 186 00:09:11,920 --> 00:09:14,600 Speaker 1: had some fun coming up with other examples of stuff. 187 00:09:14,720 --> 00:09:16,920 Speaker 1: Has it's actually been said to us that maybe was 188 00:09:16,960 --> 00:09:19,920 Speaker 1: meant to be a compliment but ended up maybe even 189 00:09:20,000 --> 00:09:22,520 Speaker 1: pissing us off a little bit. There's so many examples 190 00:09:22,600 --> 00:09:24,360 Speaker 1: of that. We will give them to you, and plenty 191 00:09:24,400 --> 00:09:35,720 Speaker 1: of them you've probably heard already. Stay here, all right. 192 00:09:35,720 --> 00:09:37,920 Speaker 1: We can tell you here on Amy and TJ, you 193 00:09:37,960 --> 00:09:40,840 Speaker 1: look good for your age? And what age do you 194 00:09:40,880 --> 00:09:41,520 Speaker 1: start getting that? 195 00:09:42,160 --> 00:09:45,960 Speaker 2: I think forty compliment thirty. 196 00:09:46,120 --> 00:09:48,880 Speaker 1: Yeah, if you tell somebody you look good for your age? 197 00:09:49,400 --> 00:09:53,360 Speaker 2: Women, yes, no, yes, women, I would say, like younger 198 00:09:53,400 --> 00:09:56,240 Speaker 2: girls in high school when I was in like starting 199 00:09:56,240 --> 00:09:58,800 Speaker 2: my forties. Yes, you kind of get paid that compliment 200 00:09:58,840 --> 00:10:02,040 Speaker 2: from girls who are yes, when you're young. Forty is 201 00:10:02,080 --> 00:10:05,000 Speaker 2: so old, right, And I think it starts for women 202 00:10:05,000 --> 00:10:07,080 Speaker 2: in their forties. Maybe it starts for men in their sixties. 203 00:10:07,160 --> 00:10:08,800 Speaker 2: I really do think that's probably true. 204 00:10:08,880 --> 00:10:11,800 Speaker 1: Well, I'm saying I can't imagine if a woman you 205 00:10:11,840 --> 00:10:14,520 Speaker 1: meet somebody she's forty two, Oh my goodness, you're forty two. 206 00:10:14,520 --> 00:10:17,160 Speaker 1: You look great. Yes, that sounds like that. That sounds 207 00:10:17,160 --> 00:10:17,640 Speaker 1: like an insult. 208 00:10:17,720 --> 00:10:20,719 Speaker 2: I got that in my forties, Absolutely got that on 209 00:10:20,760 --> 00:10:22,120 Speaker 2: my immediately offended. 210 00:10:22,520 --> 00:10:24,360 Speaker 1: Forty isn't Oh how am I supposed to look? 211 00:10:24,400 --> 00:10:27,480 Speaker 2: I'm forty that And also when they see you have 212 00:10:27,520 --> 00:10:31,960 Speaker 2: adult children, they'll say like, oh my goodness, you look 213 00:10:32,000 --> 00:10:35,440 Speaker 2: great to have kids that age. So that also is 214 00:10:35,480 --> 00:10:37,960 Speaker 2: a compliment. I know it's intended that way, but you 215 00:10:38,040 --> 00:10:39,280 Speaker 2: could be offended by it. 216 00:10:40,960 --> 00:10:44,360 Speaker 1: Be careful how you talk to people, and particular Amy Robock. 217 00:10:44,360 --> 00:10:47,840 Speaker 1: Apparently the other examples we started coming through. You got 218 00:10:47,880 --> 00:10:50,760 Speaker 1: a little list there. Yeah, what else qualifies as a 219 00:10:50,800 --> 00:10:52,720 Speaker 1: compliment that ends up being an insult? 220 00:10:52,760 --> 00:10:56,040 Speaker 2: Okay, you show up somewhere, you've got a snazzy outfit 221 00:10:56,080 --> 00:10:58,560 Speaker 2: on and someone says to you, I could never pull 222 00:10:58,600 --> 00:10:59,000 Speaker 2: that off. 223 00:10:59,080 --> 00:11:02,160 Speaker 1: Okay, yeah, yeah, I think I've said that to a 224 00:11:02,200 --> 00:11:02,880 Speaker 1: bunch of people. 225 00:11:03,240 --> 00:11:06,920 Speaker 2: You've said this to me, you look great in this light. Yes, 226 00:11:07,640 --> 00:11:09,839 Speaker 2: you you look great in this light, especially when it's 227 00:11:09,840 --> 00:11:12,120 Speaker 2: like candlelight or it's dark. That is that could be 228 00:11:12,200 --> 00:11:14,040 Speaker 2: I'm kidding. I was just adding that part, but that 229 00:11:14,040 --> 00:11:16,080 Speaker 2: could be offensive. No, what you have said to me 230 00:11:16,280 --> 00:11:20,640 Speaker 2: is what do you say to me? Oh? 231 00:11:21,040 --> 00:11:23,280 Speaker 1: You have Yeah, you know what I do. You're trying 232 00:11:23,320 --> 00:11:26,080 Speaker 1: to remember I said, oh my god, you have such 233 00:11:26,080 --> 00:11:26,839 Speaker 1: a gorgeous smile. 234 00:11:26,840 --> 00:11:29,440 Speaker 2: You should you should smile more more. Yes, that's what 235 00:11:29,480 --> 00:11:31,160 Speaker 2: it is. You say that to me. You have a 236 00:11:31,200 --> 00:11:35,120 Speaker 2: gorgeous smile. You should smile more. Okay, here are some 237 00:11:35,200 --> 00:11:40,240 Speaker 2: other ones. How are you still single? 238 00:11:40,960 --> 00:11:44,240 Speaker 1: That's uh, that's bad. What you're saying is, wow, you're attractive. 239 00:11:44,360 --> 00:11:47,920 Speaker 1: You're such an impressive person physically and everything. You got 240 00:11:47,920 --> 00:11:51,360 Speaker 1: everything going? How are you still single? It's supposed to 241 00:11:51,400 --> 00:11:54,920 Speaker 1: be a compliment, but we're essentially saying what's wrong with you? Yes? 242 00:11:55,280 --> 00:11:57,880 Speaker 2: What do I not know? Are you crazy? The other 243 00:11:57,920 --> 00:12:01,560 Speaker 2: one anything about someone's weight. So it can mean you 244 00:12:01,559 --> 00:12:03,280 Speaker 2: can come from a really good place, like, Wow, you 245 00:12:03,400 --> 00:12:06,160 Speaker 2: lost so much weight, you look great. The implication is 246 00:12:06,200 --> 00:12:09,920 Speaker 2: you didn't before and or wow, you're so thin now, 247 00:12:10,160 --> 00:12:13,320 Speaker 2: that's amazing. It's just anytime you're making a comment and 248 00:12:13,360 --> 00:12:16,840 Speaker 2: saying it's positive because you've changed, you're implying that before 249 00:12:16,880 --> 00:12:18,160 Speaker 2: you changed, you weren't. 250 00:12:18,440 --> 00:12:19,480 Speaker 1: Maybe it's just an improvement. 251 00:12:21,160 --> 00:12:23,800 Speaker 2: So I thought this was interesting. I read somewhere that 252 00:12:24,000 --> 00:12:27,280 Speaker 2: if you are wondering whether or not this compliment you 253 00:12:27,760 --> 00:12:29,880 Speaker 2: think you're about to pay someone could be taken the 254 00:12:29,920 --> 00:12:32,960 Speaker 2: wrong way, or could be actually, yes, a backhanded compliment 255 00:12:33,000 --> 00:12:36,840 Speaker 2: if you add four. So just the compliment being you 256 00:12:36,880 --> 00:12:40,520 Speaker 2: look great for your age, you look great for an 257 00:12:40,559 --> 00:12:43,320 Speaker 2: older man, you look great for a mom, or for 258 00:12:43,400 --> 00:12:45,480 Speaker 2: a new mom, or for someone who just had a baby, 259 00:12:45,600 --> 00:12:48,480 Speaker 2: like those are all compliments that people create, those caveats, 260 00:12:48,520 --> 00:12:50,959 Speaker 2: So if you have to add four at the end 261 00:12:50,960 --> 00:12:53,800 Speaker 2: of your compliment, you might be offending someone. That's a 262 00:12:53,840 --> 00:12:57,360 Speaker 2: good gauge. I would think the other one. They said, 263 00:12:57,640 --> 00:13:00,840 Speaker 2: if you start your compliment with or you put this 264 00:13:01,000 --> 00:13:05,280 Speaker 2: in the sentence actually or surprisingly, it's not going to 265 00:13:05,280 --> 00:13:05,920 Speaker 2: be a compliment. 266 00:13:05,960 --> 00:13:09,440 Speaker 1: You don't think about it. Food, Wow, this is surprisingly good. 267 00:13:10,280 --> 00:13:13,640 Speaker 2: If I just made it. I'm now offended. How about 268 00:13:13,840 --> 00:13:15,080 Speaker 2: you're so articulate. 269 00:13:15,400 --> 00:13:19,160 Speaker 1: Oh that's the classic. That's the classic. That's not a compliment. 270 00:13:19,160 --> 00:13:22,320 Speaker 1: White people. Stop telling Black folks that we speak so well. 271 00:13:22,640 --> 00:13:25,320 Speaker 1: Please stop doing that. Have a college degree. 272 00:13:25,600 --> 00:13:27,679 Speaker 2: Crazy thing is you hear it all the time. 273 00:13:27,559 --> 00:13:29,400 Speaker 1: All the time. You still see it on TV. 274 00:13:29,559 --> 00:13:31,440 Speaker 2: It's articulate everywhere we go. 275 00:13:31,760 --> 00:13:35,200 Speaker 1: What the actual hell are you talking about. It's not 276 00:13:35,280 --> 00:13:37,200 Speaker 1: a compliment to tell me, as a black man that 277 00:13:37,280 --> 00:13:40,760 Speaker 1: I have a good command of the English language. I know. 278 00:13:42,080 --> 00:13:45,240 Speaker 2: I actually my girlfriend who is black. This is our 279 00:13:45,280 --> 00:13:47,440 Speaker 2: first job. We were in Charleston, South Carolina. We had 280 00:13:47,480 --> 00:13:50,040 Speaker 2: voicemail back in the day. Her name is Erica, Love 281 00:13:50,120 --> 00:13:52,600 Speaker 2: you Erica. She She was like, Amy, come here. You 282 00:13:52,679 --> 00:13:55,440 Speaker 2: have to listen to this because fans or viewers would 283 00:13:55,520 --> 00:13:57,480 Speaker 2: leave messages on our voice. Did you have that in 284 00:13:57,520 --> 00:14:00,760 Speaker 2: your first newsroom, so people could actually leave a voicemail 285 00:14:01,080 --> 00:14:02,920 Speaker 2: for you to tell you what they thought of your 286 00:14:02,960 --> 00:14:06,040 Speaker 2: reporter the day? That used to be fun, Like, oh god, 287 00:14:06,120 --> 00:14:09,560 Speaker 2: what are these? I just remembered how many times you 288 00:14:09,679 --> 00:14:13,320 Speaker 2: get crazy, crazy voicemails left behind And then the. 289 00:14:13,320 --> 00:14:15,320 Speaker 1: Higher up you go, then you've had more of a 290 00:14:15,360 --> 00:14:18,280 Speaker 1: disconnect with the audience. They don't have direct access to you, 291 00:14:18,320 --> 00:14:21,120 Speaker 1: but I can remember those newsrooms and having that. I 292 00:14:21,120 --> 00:14:22,920 Speaker 1: can see the phone sitting on my desk and the 293 00:14:23,000 --> 00:14:24,480 Speaker 1: lights that were flat. I'm sorry we kind of go 294 00:14:24,520 --> 00:14:26,600 Speaker 1: off topic, but yes, those were the days. 295 00:14:26,640 --> 00:14:28,920 Speaker 2: But you could get a lot of backhanded compliments. So 296 00:14:29,120 --> 00:14:33,440 Speaker 2: Erica played this for me and a viewer decided it 297 00:14:33,480 --> 00:14:35,480 Speaker 2: was going to be a real nice compliment for him 298 00:14:35,640 --> 00:14:38,080 Speaker 2: to leave a voicemail saying, just want to let you know, 299 00:14:38,160 --> 00:14:40,720 Speaker 2: I think you're real pretty for a and then he said, 300 00:14:40,920 --> 00:14:44,880 Speaker 2: colored girl. He said that, put it on the voicemail 301 00:14:44,920 --> 00:14:47,080 Speaker 2: and felt good about leaving that message because he thought 302 00:14:47,320 --> 00:14:51,960 Speaker 2: he was saying something nice to her. What what we 303 00:14:51,960 --> 00:14:53,520 Speaker 2: were like? That is not real? 304 00:14:53,600 --> 00:14:57,360 Speaker 1: And he did. He just went with the double whaman. 305 00:14:57,440 --> 00:15:00,240 Speaker 2: But that was a four right exactly. He tonally an 306 00:15:00,240 --> 00:15:02,040 Speaker 2: older gentleman, so maybe he was back in the day 307 00:15:02,120 --> 00:15:06,040 Speaker 2: they are so pretty four never So, if you are 308 00:15:06,040 --> 00:15:07,720 Speaker 2: going to give someone a compliment and you start to 309 00:15:07,720 --> 00:15:11,600 Speaker 2: say the word four, stop aboard, aboard, do not continue 310 00:15:11,760 --> 00:15:12,400 Speaker 2: the sentence. 311 00:15:13,680 --> 00:15:15,680 Speaker 1: You know what, that's a very good rule. Keep that 312 00:15:15,720 --> 00:15:18,440 Speaker 1: in your back pocket. Take a beat. I thought of 313 00:15:18,480 --> 00:15:21,040 Speaker 1: another one as you were sitting here in California had 314 00:15:21,040 --> 00:15:24,200 Speaker 1: a really nice big white ta hoo, nice rims on it. 315 00:15:24,240 --> 00:15:27,320 Speaker 1: This whole thing, a guy actually stopped. He circled around 316 00:15:27,360 --> 00:15:29,720 Speaker 1: and stopped as I was washing my truck at a 317 00:15:29,760 --> 00:15:33,360 Speaker 1: car wash spraying the thing you know that those spray that. 318 00:15:33,440 --> 00:15:35,160 Speaker 1: They don't have him in New York right now in 319 00:15:35,200 --> 00:15:37,040 Speaker 1: the South. So some people in New York like, what 320 00:15:37,080 --> 00:15:38,560 Speaker 1: the hell are you talking about? Where would you go 321 00:15:38,600 --> 00:15:40,360 Speaker 1: to wash your own car? Yeah, they have those in 322 00:15:40,400 --> 00:15:43,880 Speaker 1: the South. Goy circles around, comes back and asks, what 323 00:15:44,040 --> 00:15:47,160 Speaker 1: do you guys do to drive such nice cars like that? 324 00:15:47,800 --> 00:15:51,720 Speaker 1: He said, oh my, he thought he thought it was 325 00:15:51,720 --> 00:15:53,520 Speaker 1: a professional athlete. We got into a back and forth 326 00:15:53,520 --> 00:15:55,840 Speaker 1: and it wasn't nasty and the least bit we actually 327 00:15:55,920 --> 00:15:57,680 Speaker 1: had that conversation. Woo. 328 00:15:57,760 --> 00:16:00,760 Speaker 2: And also this isn't really a backhanded comp but we 329 00:16:00,840 --> 00:16:03,840 Speaker 2: have seen this happen. It's definitely happened to you especially 330 00:16:03,840 --> 00:16:06,520 Speaker 2: and again this is on the lines of racism. Do 331 00:16:06,560 --> 00:16:09,960 Speaker 2: you work here, Just assume the person of color in 332 00:16:09,960 --> 00:16:12,800 Speaker 2: a store is an employee and not a patron. 333 00:16:12,920 --> 00:16:15,760 Speaker 1: The thing about that I've gotten where someone tried to 334 00:16:15,800 --> 00:16:18,680 Speaker 1: cover it up. We're saying, well, you just you addressed 335 00:16:18,720 --> 00:16:21,840 Speaker 1: so nice that I just assumed you worked here. I'm 336 00:16:21,880 --> 00:16:25,880 Speaker 1: looking around where lock motherfuck, nobody is in a suit 337 00:16:26,000 --> 00:16:28,760 Speaker 1: near I've gotten that before. Oh my god. 338 00:16:28,800 --> 00:16:31,520 Speaker 2: We we actually saw this at a very fancy wedding 339 00:16:31,600 --> 00:16:33,920 Speaker 2: a couple of years ago where one of the guests. 340 00:16:34,080 --> 00:16:37,960 Speaker 2: Everyone was in Texas. This was a very formal weddingr this. 341 00:16:38,000 --> 00:16:40,280 Speaker 1: Was this was the will end on this one, this 342 00:16:40,320 --> 00:16:44,520 Speaker 1: will takes all the cake. Watched it happen. It's hilarious. 343 00:16:44,560 --> 00:16:46,120 Speaker 1: An older guy as well. 344 00:16:48,040 --> 00:16:50,640 Speaker 2: It was an older white guy and he was walking 345 00:16:50,680 --> 00:16:55,080 Speaker 2: by a black couple. Actually he was with his wife, 346 00:16:55,160 --> 00:16:57,680 Speaker 2: I think, and anyway in tucks and he looked at 347 00:16:57,760 --> 00:17:02,040 Speaker 2: him and said which way to the restroom, And to 348 00:17:02,080 --> 00:17:05,119 Speaker 2: his credit, the guy in the talks said, I'm a 349 00:17:05,200 --> 00:17:08,080 Speaker 2: guest at this wedding, not an employee, but thank you. 350 00:17:08,520 --> 00:17:11,840 Speaker 2: And it was we were like our mouths dropped we 351 00:17:11,920 --> 00:17:13,080 Speaker 2: saw it happen. 352 00:17:14,080 --> 00:17:16,200 Speaker 1: I don't know why you would pick him out because 353 00:17:16,200 --> 00:17:21,200 Speaker 1: we were all lumped together, all informal wear. Why with the. 354 00:17:21,400 --> 00:17:24,840 Speaker 2: Because he was blind, because he was black dressed like 355 00:17:24,880 --> 00:17:26,640 Speaker 2: the rest of them. If a white guy, the white 356 00:17:26,680 --> 00:17:29,600 Speaker 2: guy in the tucks, everybody never have assumed never would 357 00:17:29,600 --> 00:17:34,640 Speaker 2: have asked. That was a jaw dropper. So yes, never 358 00:17:34,720 --> 00:17:40,359 Speaker 2: assume someone's pregnant, Never assume someone is in employment at 359 00:17:40,400 --> 00:17:42,680 Speaker 2: a story you're in, and then ask yourself, why did 360 00:17:42,720 --> 00:17:45,800 Speaker 2: I make that assumption? Right? And just check yourself, check yourself. 361 00:17:45,880 --> 00:17:49,120 Speaker 1: So interesting, But it's look compliments all of us sometimes. 362 00:17:49,119 --> 00:17:51,000 Speaker 1: I know some of this stuff was clickbait. I don't 363 00:17:51,040 --> 00:17:53,600 Speaker 1: think they were really genuinely upset. I haven't seen anything 364 00:17:53,600 --> 00:17:55,959 Speaker 1: else about it, but it was a moment that sparked 365 00:17:55,960 --> 00:17:58,119 Speaker 1: a conversation, and a fun one at least, or an 366 00:17:58,160 --> 00:18:01,440 Speaker 1: interesting one and maybe even an import one. Well, yeah, 367 00:18:01,520 --> 00:18:04,199 Speaker 1: I actually appreciated this. You are the one pushing for 368 00:18:04,240 --> 00:18:07,359 Speaker 1: this episode. I h maybe this makes sense. 369 00:18:07,560 --> 00:18:09,840 Speaker 2: Yes, and look, you can go online. I was laughing. 370 00:18:09,840 --> 00:18:12,960 Speaker 2: There's like a whole list of backhanded compliments. And I 371 00:18:13,000 --> 00:18:14,880 Speaker 2: know we ended with that fun story, but I thought 372 00:18:14,920 --> 00:18:17,360 Speaker 2: that you're not as dumb as you look. I think 373 00:18:17,359 --> 00:18:19,440 Speaker 2: people say that and jest I say that about myself. 374 00:18:20,280 --> 00:18:22,879 Speaker 1: That is meant to be an insult. Yes, that isn't. 375 00:18:23,119 --> 00:18:24,399 Speaker 2: And you know what, thank you for bringing that up 376 00:18:24,440 --> 00:18:25,960 Speaker 2: because I just want to end on this now. We 377 00:18:26,000 --> 00:18:28,720 Speaker 2: keep saying we're ending, But I thought This was so interesting. 378 00:18:28,760 --> 00:18:32,200 Speaker 2: There are two types of backhanded compliments, the one where 379 00:18:32,240 --> 00:18:35,679 Speaker 2: people don't intend for it to be negative, they intend 380 00:18:35,760 --> 00:18:37,440 Speaker 2: it to be a compliment, and then there's the other 381 00:18:37,560 --> 00:18:43,159 Speaker 2: kind where it is absolutely intentional. It is absolutely intentional 382 00:18:43,520 --> 00:18:45,840 Speaker 2: and we and you can smell the difference between the two. 383 00:18:45,880 --> 00:18:48,760 Speaker 1: Oh course you can, so be careful that there compliment folks. 384 00:18:49,760 --> 00:18:52,960 Speaker 1: The rule again, if you have to use four, you're 385 00:18:53,000 --> 00:18:57,280 Speaker 1: messing up. Don't say anything about anybody's weight, no matter 386 00:18:57,280 --> 00:19:00,520 Speaker 1: if they gained it or lost it. Correct and you know, 387 00:19:00,800 --> 00:19:02,600 Speaker 1: just stay away from women's age. This is just a 388 00:19:02,680 --> 00:19:04,440 Speaker 1: general rule that's probably a good one. 389 00:19:04,480 --> 00:19:08,680 Speaker 2: And then don't use actually or surprisingly, I thought those 390 00:19:08,680 --> 00:19:09,600 Speaker 2: were great tips. 391 00:19:10,080 --> 00:19:12,119 Speaker 1: Hey, we're here to help more. You know, I always 392 00:19:12,119 --> 00:19:14,320 Speaker 1: appreciate you hanging out with those folks from my dear Amy, 393 00:19:14,359 --> 00:19:16,600 Speaker 1: robock Up, TJ. Holmes. We'll talk to y'all soon.