Speaker 1: I leave, then I you wanna way back home?
Speaker 2: Either way, we want to be there, doesn't matter how
Speaker 2: much baggage you claim and give us time and they
Speaker 2: turnino and gage.
Speaker 3: We want to send you off inside. We wanna welcome
Speaker 3: you back home.
Speaker 1: Tell us all about every scared or was it fine?
Speaker 4: Now?
Speaker 1: Porn? Do you need to ride? Do your need ride?
Speaker 1: Do you need to ride? Do your need to ride?
Speaker 1: Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?
Speaker 4: Ride with Karen and Chris?
Speaker 5: Okay, I'm turning these off.
Speaker 4: Welcome, do you need a ride? Oh my god, this
Speaker 4: is Chris Fairbanks. This is care and we are We're
Speaker 4: in beautiful Burbank.
Speaker 5: Heillo, Hello, Hello, and we.
Speaker 4: Almost left my car. We're in your car right now,
Speaker 4: that's right. We almost left my car running.
Speaker 5: Just running on the street.
Speaker 4: Yeah, just run. I was. My plan was to move
Speaker 4: it in your driveway because I never noticed in all
Speaker 4: these years that if I leave my car passed eight. Wow,
Speaker 4: how much is the ticket I could have been getting?
Speaker 5: I'm sure it was above eighty dollars the way they
Speaker 5: do it in my town.
Speaker 4: And if I have ever ed her ever ever, if
Speaker 4: I had ever ever ed her, oh god, I always
Speaker 4: like to start our episodes with a tiny stroke.
Speaker 5: Did you do a ton of coke before this episode?
Speaker 4: That just my normal bullet. I don't know what I heard.
Speaker 4: A bullet is like a thing that shoots the exact
Speaker 4: nostril serving you twisted. It shoots it, Yeah, and then
Speaker 4: you can drop it on the ground and no coke
Speaker 4: spills out. It sounds like a great invention.
Speaker 5: Fucking thank god someone from fucking from the band Rush
Speaker 5: invented that so that we could all have our coke protected.
Speaker 6: Yeah.
Speaker 4: When you invent something that deals with coke being more
Speaker 4: easily put into your nostril, who pays you?
Speaker 6: Like?
Speaker 4: What company?
Speaker 5: I guess? No, sorry Colombians Columbia.
Speaker 4: You get a government check.
Speaker 5: It's a stipend.
Speaker 4: Yes, yes, it either goes to that or Parks and
Speaker 4: ret the TV show. Yes, we're going to bring it back.
Speaker 4: I am.
Speaker 5: I'm going to coke it back.
Speaker 4: One time I left my car. I had all these
Speaker 4: paintings because I would do my painting in college at
Speaker 4: my dad's because he had that is where I lived
Speaker 4: one and then two he had a little paint studio
Speaker 4: because my dad's a painter. Nice, so we did the
Speaker 4: assignment was like five at least four by four foot paintings,
Speaker 4: which is, Yeah, that's such a lazy assignment and it's
Speaker 4: a lot of work, especially if you paint detailed, then
Speaker 4: you don't do big, broad stroky, bullshit shit hampi art
Speaker 4: with goddamn dreadlock painted on it.
Speaker 5: And then what if you painted with your dreadlock? Do
Speaker 5: you hate it the same way I would?
Speaker 4: I can I can only imagine how angry I would
Speaker 4: be at that very realistic thing that could have happened.
Speaker 4: I dipped it. The reason I used my own hair,
Speaker 4: uh huh is because it's kind of a symbol for
Speaker 4: how my parents feel about the fact that they're paying
Speaker 4: for my school and they won't help me maintain my
Speaker 4: BMW SUV. Sorry, that was a my impression.
Speaker 5: Of of someone very specific.
Speaker 4: Yes, it's a very specific from Vermont trust fund student
Speaker 4: in Montana.
Speaker 5: When would you call him a Trustafarian? And if so,
Speaker 5: what song would he sing?
Speaker 4: It would sound a little bit like this came for
Speaker 4: the mountains. I came to telemarkie styy ski Stey.
Speaker 5: We've gone and so down that I know exactly when to.
Speaker 5: It's like volleyball bump set and you come in with
Speaker 5: your fucking reggae Spike.
Speaker 4: I feel like you even knew I could do some
Speaker 4: mountain riffs.
Speaker 5: Of course I did, Chris. I've been sitting next to
Speaker 5: you listening to you do that riff for quite some time.
Speaker 4: I am the Tash of comedy. No, I guess Daniel
Speaker 4: Toash should be that. I'm the Peter Tosh of reggae comedy.
Speaker 5: You're the Josh of comedy. That's where you are? I am. I.
Speaker 4: Oh so I left. I went in to have my
Speaker 4: paintings reviewed. Yes, and it's a three hour process, the
Speaker 4: length of an art class, twice as long as all
Speaker 4: the other people give art majors a lot of shit.
Speaker 4: But you're in school twice as long.
Speaker 5: Is that true?
Speaker 4: Yeah? And uh the whole time while we're uh, I
Speaker 4: can't think of the word.
Speaker 5: That's anyway my studio.
Speaker 4: In studio, judging people's paintings, I can't think of what
Speaker 4: that word is.
Speaker 5: Oh, got it? The County Fair.
Speaker 4: I just haven't left the house much.
Speaker 5: Okay, we're gonna work through all that.
Speaker 4: Yeah, we are, we are. And I came out and
Speaker 4: my car was moved, the keys were left, the ignition
Speaker 4: was off. But when I came out. I remembered, oh
Speaker 4: my god, I left my car open, doors open, hatch
Speaker 4: open because I just grabbed the paintings ran them up
Speaker 4: there and they said, are you ready to start? And
Speaker 4: I'm like, I don't know why not?
Speaker 5: And in your mind you were like, my mom just
Speaker 5: dropped me off. That's what's happening, right.
Speaker 4: Why are my mittens not on pieces of yarn from
Speaker 4: my cuff? And I just remembered, right when I ran
Speaker 4: out and the car was gone, I'm like, of course
Speaker 4: it's stolen my Ford Escort wagon. No, it was parked.
Speaker 4: No one wants that it was perked legally in if
Speaker 4: I'm not mistaken, they put money in a meter. I don't.
Speaker 4: I wish they had left a note.
Speaker 5: My keys, even the.
Speaker 4: Way my keys were left on the seat likes all
Speaker 4: lined up perfectly fanned out.
Speaker 5: Someone you know what I can I tell you my theory.
Speaker 4: Yes, please.
Speaker 5: A person who has done very bad things in his
Speaker 5: or her life came upon your running car. It was like,
Speaker 5: this is my chance to make it and turn it around.
Speaker 5: Instead of stealing this or being peeing on the front
Speaker 5: seat like I used to do, what I'm going to
Speaker 5: do now is be the Christian that I've always wanted
Speaker 5: to be, and just do the perfect, perfectly nicest.
Speaker 4: Thing, right, you think I'd like for it to be that,
Speaker 4: I'm worried that even more likely is that it's on
Speaker 4: me in that it was a dreadlocked hippie dude that
Speaker 4: paint had paint in his dread Yeah, who moved to
Speaker 4: Montana because he loved it for the mountains, the scenery,
Speaker 4: and he's probably recycled and did all the things that
Speaker 4: I never did that I now appreciate.
Speaker 5: He recycled his way to Montana and he was.
Speaker 4: Like, I'm gonna do the right thing here, bro, and
Speaker 4: annoyingly in a hippie way, moved my car and parked
Speaker 4: it like a like a dirty haired sweetheart.
Speaker 5: Was there a residual smell of petuli and body odor?
Speaker 4: I don't remember. I think it was well aired out,
Speaker 4: you know, because I left the doors open.
Speaker 5: Oh that's right, So he moved it, but he didn't close.
Speaker 4: The doors right, right, He left the doors open like
Speaker 4: it was at a car show for eighty one escort wagons.
Speaker 5: Look inside and you'll see Chris's shirt. Well, I was
Speaker 5: trying to make you feel better, because when you discovered
Speaker 5: that you had left your car running and the lights
Speaker 5: on in front of my house. You seem to bit dejected,
Speaker 5: and so I wanted to comfort you by telling you
Speaker 5: that when I was home and visiting my family, I
Speaker 5: went to the CVS. And I love a good CVS trip.
Speaker 5: I'll look at every goddamn new thing that I can
Speaker 5: find at the end of the eyle.
Speaker 4: I've been to the CVS with you, and yes, you do.
Speaker 5: I take a good long time, well just in case
Speaker 5: there's a new eyeshadow or something. Right, But when I
Speaker 5: came out about a half an hour later, my lights
Speaker 5: were on in the car and I was like, oh shit,
Speaker 5: I left the lights on. That's weird. And then when
Speaker 5: I got into the car it was on. It was running,
Speaker 5: and I left the car on.
Speaker 4: Also, because your car when it's running, it's just a
Speaker 4: silent electronic PERR.
Speaker 5: It is whisper quiet, yes, just like my washing machine.
Speaker 4: So someone would have to get in to steal a
Speaker 4: purse or some CVS mask ere to then realize the
Speaker 4: car was on and.
Speaker 5: Driveable, yes, And that's also when they would realize the
Speaker 5: car is alive, and then claws would come out and
Speaker 5: kill them for getting into it because this car is
Speaker 5: a lot like Christine.
Speaker 4: Oh wow, you give a car? How did you have
Speaker 4: to pay extra for that? No?
Speaker 5: I just called up the devil, he loud devil.
Speaker 4: I like, I just watched Is it Brian de Palma
Speaker 4: that made Christine?
Speaker 5: I don't know.
Speaker 4: I believe so, okay I could. I know it's based
Speaker 4: on a Stephen King book.
Speaker 5: That's what I was gonna say. But yeah, that's what
Speaker 5: everybody knows.
Speaker 4: Yeah, but you know, I'm the kind of guy that
Speaker 4: pulls Brian to paulm out and I probably am wrong.
Speaker 4: But a lot of people. Have you noticed how often
Speaker 4: they're they're saying Chris was right?
Speaker 5: What online? Like on twin Yes that's right. Yeah, we
Speaker 5: have a lot of self doubt.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm riddled with it.
Speaker 5: Yeah I relate. Look at that moon. I'm sorry, but
Speaker 5: look at it. Oh it's round and it's big moon
Speaker 5: report happening.
Speaker 4: And when I'm throwing a gig, I just can't help myself.
Speaker 4: I act like an animal.
Speaker 5: What's that?
Speaker 6: That?
Speaker 4: Sir makes a lot of were wolf raw It's very
Speaker 4: lesser known.
Speaker 5: I would like to brag and say that I thought
Speaker 5: it was sir mix a Lot's baby got back.
Speaker 4: Yeah, well he likes the moon round and big and
Speaker 4: when he's throwing a gig. See, I just repurposed because
Speaker 4: I don't like to talk about lady spots.
Speaker 5: You can, though I think I feel empowered by it.
Speaker 4: I'm not gonna talk. I don't even look at women
Speaker 4: this last month. I do not make eye contact. I
Speaker 4: will no longer defend them on Twitter because I'll get blocked.
Speaker 5: Good.
Speaker 4: Oh, I'll tell you that one later. But yeah, I
Speaker 4: just it's I'm Twitter isn't the place to actually communicate,
Speaker 4: I've realized in the least, and I've I've kind of
Speaker 4: because I'm at home so much, just because I am
Speaker 4: lately Yep, I rely on it for interactions with real
Speaker 4: people that I do know, and there's so much room
Speaker 4: for tone being misread that I've I hate. I'm I
Speaker 4: kind of want to throw my phone in a bowl
Speaker 4: of rye for a couple of months and just not
Speaker 4: deal with it because I'm realizing it's not making me happy,
Speaker 4: and it's when I wake up. The last thing I
Speaker 4: do when I go to sleep is look at I'm
Speaker 4: just looking through nervously at nothing. Yeah, let me make
Speaker 4: share my email at one am? What am I doing?
Speaker 4: And then right when I wake up? And and I
Speaker 4: know you're that way with Twitter, but I'm like that
Speaker 4: with a ton of things.
Speaker 5: Well I am. I have a couple of things. My
Speaker 5: friend Bradford made up this term. He calls it, uh
Speaker 5: the digital uh uh he looping. I think he calls
Speaker 5: it looping where you just go like Twitter, email, I
Speaker 5: do a yachtzi. You just go back and forth between
Speaker 5: like four apps that you're obsessed with and you just
Speaker 5: keep clicking, clicking, clicking, clicking.
Speaker 4: Yes, and I even got on I'm on the day
Speaker 4: bumble uh and I have it. I don't think I
Speaker 4: will ever. First of all, it's lowered myself a steam.
Speaker 4: There's there's and you're judging it's not It's not natural
Speaker 4: to look at four pictures of a human and swipe
Speaker 4: on them. I'm not trying to sound like I'm better one,
Speaker 4: but I'm like it makes me feel gross, yes, But
Speaker 4: then you start to overlook it like guns in a
Speaker 4: video game, and you just start getting rid of people
Speaker 4: and it's like, nope, hate the sweater, Yeah, two of
Speaker 4: your dog, nice nostrils. I just become a monster and
Speaker 4: it's and I've kind of gotten used to it, like
Speaker 4: that bad everyone likes Black Mirror, but there is that
Speaker 4: episode where everyone's like dependent on a star rating in life, yeah,
Speaker 4: and everyone's you know, it kind of really feels like
Speaker 4: the beginning of that, And.
Speaker 5: Well, you know what's funny too. It the excitement that
Speaker 5: you feel looks like the excitement that you feel in
Speaker 5: real life when you meet a person that you actually
Speaker 5: have chemistry with, feels these days like such a rare
Speaker 5: experience because nobody is paying attention to anything really anymore.
Speaker 5: So like you're projecting these ideas of what you could
Speaker 5: have that with onto pictures, which tell you nothing about
Speaker 5: a person or about how you could connect with a
Speaker 5: person except for like, yeah, if you don't like certain
Speaker 5: types of noses, or you really do like a certain
Speaker 5: type of nose, well that's one thing. But like to yeah,
Speaker 5: to me, I was like, I just don't like people
Speaker 5: like this. And oftentimes the better looking a person is,
Speaker 5: the less I would automatically like them because I'm like, ooh,
Speaker 5: you don't I feel like you may not have lived
Speaker 5: correctly right.
Speaker 4: Well, that's how women, I think one of the ways
Speaker 4: they're maybe better developed because I think most men are like,
Speaker 4: what the looks? First, I think, well.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I think you're neurotically, you're neurologically set up that
Speaker 5: way though, yeah, vision based.
Speaker 4: Yeah, but no, that's I don't know. I'm just it
Speaker 4: horrifies me. And I can't imagine me a person that's
Speaker 4: not scared about my well being just meeting a stranger somewhere,
Speaker 4: much less, you know, one of these rapey dudes. You know,
Speaker 4: it's the fucking scariest concept.
Speaker 5: It's crazy.
Speaker 4: But everyone does it.
Speaker 5: Everyone does it in the same way. Everyone gets into
Speaker 5: an uber.
Speaker 4: And I write, exactly, that's that's.
Speaker 5: Like stranger dangers. Step one, stranger danger. But we all
Speaker 5: do it.
Speaker 4: Someone tweeted a thing or had a joke about it,
Speaker 4: so I'm sorry, but I don't know. But I'll butcher
Speaker 4: it so it's no longer their thing.
Speaker 5: Oh nice.
Speaker 4: You know we're always told to never talk to strangers
Speaker 4: and you never get in it, and you never go
Speaker 4: online and talk to strangers. Now they've combined the two
Speaker 4: where you go online to have a stranger come and
Speaker 4: you actually get in a car with them. See, I
Speaker 4: butchered it. But there is a point there. Yes, the
Speaker 4: internet and strangers are supposed to be dangerous, and then
Speaker 4: you combine them both and it's become this convenience.
Speaker 5: You know. What's how I think they did it because
Speaker 5: I remember when Uber very very first came out and
Speaker 5: my friend and Ed Hanson explained it to me. He
Speaker 5: was like, you can get like a like a car,
Speaker 5: like how celebrities get driven from their house to a
Speaker 5: talk show or whatever. You can you can call a
Speaker 5: car and it's super cheap. It's like twenty bucks, right,
Speaker 5: and it's called uber x or whatever the fancy uber is.
Speaker 5: And so in my mind everyone was going to come
Speaker 5: and pick me up wearing like a suit, right, and
Speaker 5: like being a professional driver. And so you kind of
Speaker 5: like you just go, oh, this is a professional driver.
Speaker 5: You accept the fact that you give them all this credit.
Speaker 4: The first Uber rides I took it was that way,
Speaker 4: and it was an escalator, an suv or whatever. There
Speaker 4: wasn't all these subcategories of the type of person that
Speaker 4: would come with a classic human you want a scombat
Speaker 4: It was always yeah it was and it was cheap,
Speaker 4: and it was like weird. I just had a giant
Speaker 4: suburban pick me up and the guy was wearing a suit.
Speaker 4: Was he really yeah, because I think for a while
Speaker 4: it was like at the at the beginning of it,
Speaker 4: they were you using actual drivers. Yeah that in their
Speaker 4: off time, They're like, well, I'm going to do this
Speaker 4: app too, because I got three minutes before I pick
Speaker 4: up those drunk girls at the Golden Globes. I'm just
Speaker 4: going to pick up this dude and take them to
Speaker 4: a house party. Yes, or you know what I mean.
Speaker 4: And now it's I think it's great. And of course
Speaker 4: there are you know, your your Facebook and your everything.
Speaker 4: It would be the hardest way to get away with something.
Speaker 4: In all honesty, I think.
Speaker 5: Yeah you could, Yeah you could.
Speaker 4: Cap driver can murder people Willie Nilly, Yeah think can you.
Speaker 5: Never see him again?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 5: Yeah, you're right. I also have had some of the
Speaker 5: best conversations with uber drivers, like getting into like it
Speaker 5: always I always start the conversation with is the traffic
Speaker 5: as bad now or worse than it was five years
Speaker 5: ago in your opinion? And then we have a long
Speaker 5: conversation about how too many people live in LA and
Speaker 5: you know, it's all getting super crazy and it's bad
Speaker 5: for your health. That's where we start. But then we
Speaker 5: go into I've had some like highly philosophical conversations. I
Speaker 5: love it.
Speaker 4: I love talking to uber guys. Maybe it's a testament
Speaker 4: to have being lonelyish. I will talk their ear off
Speaker 4: and on a plane. You bet, old lady put down
Speaker 4: those needles.
Speaker 5: But that's her insolin. She has to have those needles.
Speaker 4: Well, she shouldn't be using them to make a.
Speaker 5: Scarf and not while I'm talking.
Speaker 4: Yeah, we got stuff. What was it like in the fifties?
Speaker 4: Both fists under my chin?
Speaker 5: Eighteen fifties, did you know?
Speaker 4: I don't think I ever told you this. My great
Speaker 4: grandma who lived to be I think one hundred and
Speaker 4: one saw three centuries. Yeah, she was born in eighteen
Speaker 4: ninety eight, I believe. And like, let's just say two
Speaker 4: thousand and let's just say that equals one hundred and one.
Speaker 5: Let's all say it together, everybody.
Speaker 4: Now we're finally using our backseat chorus. I'm excited for Christmas.
Speaker 5: Oh I am too.
Speaker 4: It's funny because I think it's gonna get me out
Speaker 4: of this slump.
Speaker 5: Yes, it will, because it's the.
Speaker 4: Only Christmas and the excitement about it and the way
Speaker 4: you feel and even the spiritual it's the only time
Speaker 4: of the year. I'm like, maybe we don't just it's updive.
Speaker 5: Maybe people do care about each other.
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, and I think that it even my the
Speaker 4: guy next year Walmart with a slaveless flannel in the
Speaker 4: fart hat is in the same Like I can actually
Speaker 4: talk to him about something. Yes, Like he could have
Speaker 4: a Trump a shirt with an AR fifteen on it.
Speaker 5: That's a kill all reporters.
Speaker 4: Whatever, whatever clever bumper sticker you have with your machine
Speaker 4: gun shirt. I can overlook that and go. Your nephew
Speaker 4: likes lagos too, you.
Speaker 5: Know, yeah, because example, because sometimes the politics are mhm,
Speaker 5: it's almost like sometimes I feel like people use politics
Speaker 5: to distance themselves, but if you're not allowed to talk
Speaker 5: about them, which these days almost everybody's like that. Oh
Speaker 5: my god, yeah, Matt Ingebreton Street, that's our guest today
Speaker 5: being blocked is entirely blocked by two large fire Is
Speaker 5: it three? Oh wait, there's like a fucking parade.
Speaker 4: It's like it is it? Or is there? I mean,
Speaker 4: we have to know what this is.
Speaker 5: This can't be.
Speaker 4: Okay, it's holiday, it's got everything is a shooting now.
Speaker 4: That's why I'm taught, That's why I can't and what
Speaker 4: you're saying right now about politics getting in the way
Speaker 4: of people connecting. That is the first thing I look
Speaker 4: at a Twitter, and that's the first thing I look at.
Speaker 4: And all I've been thinking about in the last couple
Speaker 4: of days is that Trump's gonna get fired because you know,
Speaker 4: they've they've proven that he met the Russian meddling and
Speaker 4: then also that he tried to stop them from investigating
Speaker 4: and said meddling. There's two good reasons. But so I'm
Speaker 4: just looking at it over and over and it bums
Speaker 4: me out.
Speaker 5: It's horrifying.
Speaker 4: And then you see a group of people caroling and
Speaker 4: I feel like someone's been shot.
Speaker 5: Yes, well it was. It was. It's three long fire
Speaker 5: trucks blocking off the streets, right, and that looked like
Speaker 5: super emergency, not plain old heart attack. But it looked
Speaker 5: like no one come here for a really long time.
Speaker 4: Yeah, well, either that or they're lined up so evil
Speaker 4: can Evil can jump them.
Speaker 5: Oh I didn't think about Okay, we hold on, we're
Speaker 5: very close to.
Speaker 4: That one does. No one thinks about evil anymore because
Speaker 4: he's dead. They are looking up as where our guests
Speaker 4: will be. The very tall, very interesting, very funny Matt.
Speaker 5: Ingebretz, who is one of my favorite guests we've ever had.
Speaker 5: I feel like the show we did with him that
Speaker 5: day was one of the funniest shows we've ever Yeah.
Speaker 4: He's he's a smart guy, and he's gone more going
Speaker 4: on in his head than just comedy jokes. You know
Speaker 4: what I mean?
Speaker 6: I do.
Speaker 5: Well. Yeah, he's a very well rounded person, and he
Speaker 5: has a show coming up that we should talk to
Speaker 5: him about, because he's got a wonderful show coming out
Speaker 5: on what do you call it?
Speaker 4: I believe it's Comedy Central, and I believe I have
Speaker 4: a small role in it.
Speaker 5: What Yes, Oh shit, we got we got anecdotes of plenty. Okay,
Speaker 5: I guess we're gonna have to go round the corner here.
Speaker 4: Yeah, maybe I'm gonna turn that on again.
Speaker 5: Okay, this is one of those times where now we
Speaker 5: need to look at our phone and fake talk as
Speaker 5: we do.
Speaker 4: We've been given some heavy duty talking.
Speaker 5: Yeah that's true.
Speaker 4: You know, it's pretty NonStop heavy duty.
Speaker 5: Yeah, maybe we have a segment called quiet time. Yeah,
Speaker 5: nobody talks.
Speaker 4: People would have, you know, appreciate it.
Speaker 5: I suppose it's something you know, Maybe this is a
Speaker 5: chance to unplug while you're listening to a podcast. We're
Speaker 5: gonna give you a chance to go off the.
Speaker 4: Grid, and I'll just walk you through this. Off your
Speaker 4: shoes right under your desk there, ye feel that, Keep
Speaker 4: your keep your socks on.
Speaker 5: Don't look at anybody, then they won't look at you.
Speaker 4: I hope your cubicle is carpeted because you're just gonna
Speaker 4: drive your little toes and making little fists on the floor.
Speaker 4: How does that feel? All right? Now, Well, we're gonna
Speaker 4: pull your hands up to the back of your neck
Speaker 4: and just kind of elongate your spine towards the sky.
Speaker 4: All your energy. Now, now, now, where are we? Now? Oh?
Speaker 4: I got okay. We there's just a holiday funfair getting
Speaker 4: in the way of our friend and us.
Speaker 5: Oh I see, I see, I see. Okay, it's up
Speaker 5: a little bit more. Oh okay, we'll be fine.
Speaker 4: We will be fine.
Speaker 5: We're gonna we're all gonna make it, not only on
Speaker 5: this car trip, but America. We're gonna be okay. Yes,
Speaker 5: don't worry. Even if there's full scale revolution, right, we're
Speaker 5: gonna live.
Speaker 4: It's not gonna happen in December because no one works
Speaker 4: in December. Even revolutionaries.
Speaker 5: He's going to go to Palm Springs.
Speaker 4: Yeah. The revolution will probably be during pilot season.
Speaker 5: That's right. Everyone's already feeling very rejected and they have
Speaker 5: nothing to lose.
Speaker 4: Did you So you did go home for Thanksgiving? I did,
Speaker 4: and it was telling me some of the fun things
Speaker 4: your father or sister said.
Speaker 5: Fun of family quotes. God, damn it, I read a couple.
Speaker 4: I'm setting you up to the sea.
Speaker 5: Well my dad, No, I can't remember any of the tweets.
Speaker 4: My dad.
Speaker 5: Well, he always makes us watch sports that we don't
Speaker 5: care about. Then I pretend I care about sports sarcastically,
Speaker 5: just to just to fuck with him.
Speaker 4: That's what I do.
Speaker 5: Do you really, tear dad?
Speaker 4: I don't care about watching sports, and he's way into it.
Speaker 4: But it's fun to sit with him.
Speaker 5: Yeah, but do you like my dad will be like
Speaker 5: telling me about individual players lives. I'll be like, oh ye,
Speaker 5: and then it'll be like, ah, you be quiet because
Speaker 5: he knows I'm being sarcastic.
Speaker 4: Oh no, no, I don't. Yeah, I don't don't. We don't.
Speaker 4: I don't jest my father. I have a little respect
Speaker 4: for the man. Sorry, that was you know, that was
Speaker 4: a joke. I was doing it. I was doing it
Speaker 4: to you. Just now.
Speaker 5: Oh, I see, you're justing me, but you won't just
Speaker 5: him Yes, you're right. Fine, I mean it's not very common,
Speaker 5: but fine. Usually we just our parents.
Speaker 4: Right and respect our friends like father figures.
Speaker 5: I mean, I paid for your fucking college, you did,
Speaker 5: you think half of it?
Speaker 4: The other was what's her name?
Speaker 5: Okay, so you stopped driving?
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, there's a reason both your bumpers are torn off,
Speaker 4: revealing wires and bolts.
Speaker 5: This is La is one of the only places where people,
Speaker 5: when they're lost and often are, they just let their
Speaker 5: car kind of drift until they figure out where they're going.
Speaker 5: They don't pull over, they don't like make it right,
Speaker 5: They just kind of it's just kind of like, well,
Speaker 5: let's see what happened.
Speaker 4: You We were kind of doing it, but right now
Speaker 4: that's true.
Speaker 5: Right now, no one's around. We did the same and
Speaker 5: it was on a similar corner to that guy. I
Speaker 5: just I just think exactly what that guy did was
Speaker 5: doing oh drifting, fucking drifting on a Sunday afternoon.
Speaker 4: In diesel type of drifting.
Speaker 5: Let's go to Tokyo drifting. I saw it in the theater.
Speaker 4: It's the perfect time of year to go to Tokyo Drift.
Speaker 4: Candy canes, little dogs, little girls, lots of snowsh old
Speaker 4: man bringing gifts, father yells, sister heads. Everybody loves the
Speaker 4: Tokyo Christmas Drift.
Speaker 5: Sorry, it's okay.
Speaker 4: You forgot the original Tokyo premise, but it's still The
Speaker 4: point is it's about Christmas.
Speaker 5: That's right, everybody, And what is Christmas based in Christ?
Speaker 5: So open your bibles to page.
Speaker 4: First Corinthians eight nine eight.
Speaker 5: Wait, that's code who Now everyone knows where to come
Speaker 5: and kill me?
Speaker 4: It always goes back to murder.
Speaker 5: Wait, now, I thought I knew where matt Ingebrutson lives. Oh,
Speaker 5: but apparently he has moved.
Speaker 4: Oh okay, am I wrong? I do not know where.
Speaker 4: I do not remember.
Speaker 5: You don't remember where I'm wrong.
Speaker 4: I do not remember where we picked them up in
Speaker 4: the past.
Speaker 5: Oh I see, yeah, I'm you know. I'm on the
Speaker 5: wrong street right now. But I'm gonna go. I'm gonna
Speaker 5: drift on down to it's one.
Speaker 4: Block away, drift on through to the other side.
Speaker 5: Yep.
Speaker 4: Do you think people get sick of my impromptu song parodies?
Speaker 5: I never and if they do. They're joyless fox, because
Speaker 5: what was better than that?
Speaker 4: I wish you had said a joyless fox, because I'm
Speaker 4: kind of attracted to pretty people that got a chip
Speaker 4: on their shoulder. You're a joyless.
Speaker 5: Fox, sir, what you're a bummer hottie?
Speaker 4: Look at that grumpy cougar.
Speaker 5: Oh okay, I see, I actually put the directions on,
Speaker 5: which is what I should have done all along.
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, you know what so close now that straight
Speaker 4: rings a bell. He does live in the same house.
Speaker 5: Oh okay, I guess it's me.
Speaker 4: No, that's not what I was doing, but I guess sort.
Speaker 5: Of at the end of the day. Yes, it's exactly
Speaker 5: what happened.
Speaker 4: I went What did I do? I went to I
Speaker 4: just went to Thanksgiving a house of skateboarders or my
Speaker 4: friend at TIBA. He's like a well known photographer of
Speaker 4: skateboarding and basketball, and they were like, it was the
Speaker 4: best food. Isn't it funny that later in life, young,
Speaker 4: your friends make better Thanksgiving meals than you ever had
Speaker 4: from any of your dry turkey grandma's. Yes, Oh my god,
Speaker 4: it was good.
Speaker 5: Because people really care and some people.
Speaker 4: And they're following recipes, not they're what they used to
Speaker 4: do back in seventy eight, or.
Speaker 5: Like maybe their their mom was a really good cook
Speaker 5: and you would have never known it because they just
Speaker 5: when they were in their twenties just ate mic Ray
Speaker 5: popcorn and got drunk right right like you? Why would
Speaker 5: you know?
Speaker 4: Yeah, I am Did I tell you? I also went
Speaker 4: into a priority. Did I tell you how I met
Speaker 4: Terry Bradshaw? And yeah? Oh I did that. We talked
Speaker 4: about that on here. Yes, God, I'm out of stories.
Speaker 5: Hey listen, we're about to make some.
Speaker 4: Oh, let's make history.
Speaker 5: We're gonna Uh. Those fire trucks really fucked me up.
Speaker 4: Yeah they really did.
Speaker 5: I mean, I just yeah, I get it, I get it.
Speaker 4: I get it. Yeah, they really. We were thrown for
Speaker 4: a loop. There's a lot.
Speaker 5: I mean, what then the living Hell?
Speaker 4: Well, the night of the Living Hell? What the whid
Speaker 4: world of hell?
Speaker 5: It is a wide world, several levels, different types of tortures. Yes,
Speaker 5: oh I get it. Look we're here. He think he
Speaker 5: did move.
Speaker 4: Yeah, into a beautiful mansion.
Speaker 5: I guess he's a mansoneer these days.
Speaker 4: Well, I guess you know what they say, get a
Speaker 4: TV show, they pay, Well, that's right. These houses are
Speaker 4: silly if he lives on the street, I'm going to
Speaker 4: be very upset with him.
Speaker 5: You skin of a bitch matting the brutes.
Speaker 4: Here we go, maddening a.
Speaker 5: Let's okay, I'm texting him now.
Speaker 4: Yes, I do. We have to address that. We're almost
Speaker 4: a full hour late.
Speaker 5: I told him. I don't know if we have addressed
Speaker 5: to anybody else.
Speaker 4: Oh okay, good good. I'm glad you told him.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I told him, because it's the thing that means
Speaker 5: you are mad.
Speaker 4: But you just told him.
Speaker 5: I just told him.
Speaker 4: Did you tell him you're going to be I told you.
Speaker 5: I told him twenty minutes late.
Speaker 4: Did you the doctor that sample of your cerebral Yeah?
Speaker 4: I gave him a piece of my mind. Did you
Speaker 4: I'm gonna come up with a third one? Okay, did
Speaker 4: you did?
Speaker 5: You's a lot of pressure you.
Speaker 4: Did you have a one way conversation with your friend?
Speaker 4: I gave him a talking to?
Speaker 5: Oh? Talking too?
Speaker 4: Yeah?
Speaker 5: Did you have a two part conversation with this? That's
Speaker 5: easy for me. I was just sitting back here.
Speaker 4: Do you hand your friend that muppet shaped like a
Speaker 4: number from Sesame Straight? Oh? Yeah, I gave him a
Speaker 4: talking too. There we go, fucking fixed.
Speaker 5: It you triple fixed that shy.
Speaker 4: Someone should give me a job. I'm I'm doing okay,
Speaker 4: just doing comedy lately and drawing. What have you been
Speaker 4: doing me?
Speaker 5: I've been doing podcasting and doing podcasts.
Speaker 4: Did you go anywhere fun? Where's the funnest place you
Speaker 4: guys have come gone to do your murder?
Speaker 5: Florida?
Speaker 4: Oh? Really? Huh oh that's great? A Hi.
Speaker 5: Is that opening?
Speaker 4: Oh? Oh oh, there's a mic that might trip you up?
Speaker 4: That Karen, Chris, buddy, here's too in a masculine way.
Speaker 4: It's good to see you.
Speaker 6: Good to see you too. Thanks for having me, Thanks
Speaker 6: for giving me a ride in your car. The name
Speaker 6: of the podcast, right, yes, giving me a d in
Speaker 6: your car.
Speaker 5: It's time to give you a ride in this car, Karen.
Speaker 6: This car is great.
Speaker 4: Yeah. It's a beautiful vehicle, isn't it.
Speaker 5: Thank you so much? I built it from scratch, which
Speaker 5: is probably my proudest piece.
Speaker 6: You're an auto worker.
Speaker 5: I really am right in Detroit.
Speaker 6: That's how I think of you.
Speaker 4: Nay, an auto artist.
Speaker 5: I would say, Oh, I was so far away. I
Speaker 5: was basically driving to year old apartment.
Speaker 4: Did you move?
Speaker 6: I did move. I used to live over on Clayton.
Speaker 4: I was wrong.
Speaker 5: Where do you live, Karen?
Speaker 6: What's your address? Why didn't you just say that out
Speaker 6: loud right now?
Speaker 5: Okay, live in Burbank?
Speaker 6: Oh you do? Did you? You still live over here?
Speaker 5: I did in the nineties when I was on drugs.
Speaker 6: Hell. Yeah, that's why I'm over.
Speaker 5: Here right now. Yeah.
Speaker 4: There was a time, I believe when one of our
Speaker 4: first episodes with Rob Delaney and I did say his
Speaker 4: I dress out loud, that's right, and I said, no,
Speaker 4: I'll addit that and I think I forgot I guess what.
Speaker 4: No one murdered him.
Speaker 5: So far he had to move to England.
Speaker 4: Yeah, maybe that's the reason. It wasn't the show they
Speaker 4: gave him. Speaking speaking of shows being given or making nothing,
Speaker 4: no one gave you anything. You you built it yourself, like.
Speaker 5: That's right.
Speaker 6: That was given to me like a lottery. They did.
Speaker 4: They still do it that way.
Speaker 6: It was a raffle ticket. I a lot of raffle
Speaker 6: ticket and then.
Speaker 4: I wear it.
Speaker 5: What show.
Speaker 6: Comedy central dot com? The show it's a webs show
Speaker 6: about what the website comedy central dot com.
Speaker 5: Oh that must be good.
Speaker 4: It's wonderful. I liked the last season called Adamfilms dot com.
Speaker 6: I remember, yeah, come on?
Speaker 5: Was that that was Adam Films, the one with the
Speaker 5: child pimp where I was like, this is inappropriate and
Speaker 5: I don't like it.
Speaker 4: I don't know that was It was Comedy Central though.
Speaker 4: They were just doing that thing that I don't know
Speaker 4: why people do it where they launch a new like
Speaker 4: when Spider the ski clothing company made snowboard stuff. They
Speaker 4: didn't just call it Spider snowboard clothes, you know, they
Speaker 4: had to call it strike and then it went out
Speaker 4: of business because everyone's like, what strike. I don't know
Speaker 4: what I'm saying.
Speaker 5: No, no, because your parallel is is a like an
Speaker 5: extreme sports parallel, like.
Speaker 6: Fair Banks to be your brand manager. He has no
Speaker 6: experience but a lot of ideas.
Speaker 5: And you can snowboard. That's the goodness.
Speaker 6: Do you still snowboarders?
Speaker 4: I got this whole body pain thing, but I will
Speaker 4: one day.
Speaker 6: How's that going?
Speaker 4: Oh? Great? This is great.
Speaker 6: It's nice how your body just becomes more painful as
Speaker 6: the years go on.
Speaker 4: I gotta I think I will snowboard this winter. I
Speaker 4: got a fake hip and it feels good.
Speaker 6: And you want you want to fling it down a mountain.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I think, uh, if I did go snowboarding, it's
Speaker 4: my other, my untouched hip that I'm worried about. Now,
Speaker 4: that's the one that's really popping and locking.
Speaker 5: You don't let anyone touch it.
Speaker 4: No, no, certainly not a dot. No slow dancing your
Speaker 4: hands above the two feet.
Speaker 6: This is a dumb question. You have two hips, it's
Speaker 6: not just one big hip. I know there's two sides
Speaker 6: to the hip.
Speaker 4: You're gonna have to do a snowboard sparks analogy because
Speaker 4: I don't know what you're saying.
Speaker 6: We get a textbook out. I want to take a
Speaker 6: look at this.
Speaker 5: You know, mountain us down on two sides.
Speaker 4: Right now, you're speaking my language. I already know what
Speaker 4: you meant because I heard jokingly starting a sports analogy. Yeah,
Speaker 4: I have two yeah, two independent hips. One of them
Speaker 4: they're both worn out. One of them was more worn out.
Speaker 4: So they put metal basically on my bone and then
Speaker 4: in the socket and now I feel great after months
Speaker 4: of pain, but feel great. So when is Matt When
Speaker 4: is your show coming out?
Speaker 6: It comes out January seventeenth, twenty eighteen, and it is
Speaker 6: no longer called Hunt in Deville.
Speaker 4: Under Mifflin it is now called Corporate.
Speaker 6: Yeah, and you're in an episode of it. Did you
Speaker 6: know that?
Speaker 4: Yeah? Well I never know, you know if.
Speaker 6: I'm do you know what we were doing that day, Chris,
Speaker 6: I do know that now I'm.
Speaker 4: Super dumb as shit. I could be edited out.
Speaker 5: That's what I thought. That's what I always am gonna
Speaker 5: have always a chance.
Speaker 4: Yeah, No, that was a fun moment. It was funny,
Speaker 4: And then afterwards I was like, that was fun. I
Speaker 4: bet that stays in.
Speaker 5: Are you an office worker?
Speaker 6: He's on a corporate retreat, yes, nice.
Speaker 5: Nice doing extreme sports.
Speaker 6: No, he's in a couple of scenes. One of them.
Speaker 6: I won't spoil anything. He has one of the funniest
Speaker 6: lines I think in the show. But it's it's in
Speaker 6: they're in like a share circle and at a corporate
Speaker 6: retreat and he shares a deep, dark secret that he
Speaker 6: should not have shared. Watched the show to find out.
Speaker 4: Yeah, what my secret is?
Speaker 5: I really like your guys promos because they're super plain. Yeah,
Speaker 5: and it makes it not a bad way, but like
Speaker 5: it makes you go, what is this because it just
Speaker 5: is like comedy centralist, corporate?
Speaker 4: Yes, weod where have you seen the promos?
Speaker 6: There's billboards around town.
Speaker 4: Oh god, I haven't even got to look up, Chris.
Speaker 4: I gotta get out of the house the billboards.
Speaker 5: You're running a red lights.
Speaker 4: Yeah, he really was just unfair.
Speaker 6: Have you guys ever had any intense road ragie or
Speaker 6: incidents on this podcast?
Speaker 5: Yes, yes he did.
Speaker 4: In just one episode. There were two pretty pretty clearly.
Speaker 4: Like was Todd Glass. It was Tod Glass.
Speaker 6: Yeah.
Speaker 4: First we saw this guy on a bike. I did
Speaker 4: antagonize him. He was like a he was riding his bike,
Speaker 4: but he's being very strange and weaving around member and
Speaker 4: he had that cocky look on his face, and I
Speaker 4: just said, yeah, yeah, we see you. And he took
Speaker 4: out his bike lock and chased us whoa and tried
Speaker 4: to swing and hit Karen's mirror off and then just
Speaker 4: shot into an unprotected intersection and did cars almost hit him.
Speaker 4: I thought that he almost died and I don't know.
Speaker 4: He was a lunatic and that's crazy. Moments later, we
Speaker 4: saw a guy get punched out at a bus stop
Speaker 4: right next to the car.
Speaker 5: And he was he was like knocked out before he
Speaker 5: hit the ground. It was one of the craziest, most
Speaker 5: violent things I've.
Speaker 4: Ever seen, and the guy was not satisfied, and he's
Speaker 4: like not knocked out enough, and he was grabbing I'm
Speaker 4: and slamming and sat down. It was very I remember
Speaker 4: it very much affecting Todd Glass emotionally.
Speaker 6: Have you ever been in a fight?
Speaker 4: Yes, yeah, okay, that's the episode of this far with
Speaker 4: me forever.
Speaker 6: We'll never stop driving the car together.
Speaker 4: None of them are ever. They all make me feel gross.
Speaker 4: I've been in a few fights.
Speaker 5: Wait a second, I think we talked about this when
Speaker 5: you were on the show last time, Matt, because if
Speaker 5: I am guessing correctly, you've never been in a fight.
Speaker 6: I was punched in fifth grade. Okay, yeah, but we
Speaker 6: might have. Maybe this is my only topic of conversation.
Speaker 5: Are you're the only question you ever asked? You anything?
Speaker 6: So little to offer the world?
Speaker 4: I think that it probably has a lot to do
Speaker 4: with You're You're a tall, intimidating, more intimidating than me,
Speaker 4: and I'm shorter and everyone so I write punch people. Yeah,
Speaker 4: that guy when he just passed me on the low
Speaker 4: and he's going to do it for that.
Speaker 5: Guy, cumulating that guy must be Italian? What the fuck?
Speaker 6: It's Yeah, you're basically allowed to be racist against.
Speaker 5: Italians, right, and they're the only ones left.
Speaker 6: Yeah, you can just straight up do it and it's
Speaker 6: kind of fine.
Speaker 4: Well, the color of his car was that of a
Speaker 4: pizza box though it was like black and red stripes,
Speaker 4: and there was a little green logo on it.
Speaker 5: Someone described this terrible bike this guy is riding right here,
Speaker 5: or girl.
Speaker 4: It's a banana seat cruiser. Gooy. But she was easy
Speaker 4: on the eyes, surprisingly, and then she would ask Chris,
Speaker 4: I think she was Italian.
Speaker 5: Throw your door open.
Speaker 4: That's how my mom met my lunch lady once.
Speaker 5: Now he's just in front of me. You didn't get
Speaker 5: any further surf passing me on the left.
Speaker 4: Oh guy, I wish we could pass him.
Speaker 6: It would be really this dumb, dumb man.
Speaker 4: God, he's dumb.
Speaker 6: Definitely a man. I know that. Yeah.
Speaker 4: One time my lunch lady had a broken arm and
Speaker 4: I realized that was the lady my mom threw open
Speaker 4: the door and she was riding a bike on our street.
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, and then I had to put it together.
Speaker 4: She was also had her own access talk show What.
Speaker 6: I Was.
Speaker 4: May have been. It was called by the Way with
Speaker 4: v Thompson.
Speaker 5: The lunch lady.
Speaker 6: Yeah.
Speaker 4: Yeah, and I realized that later in my Oh wow,
Speaker 4: he's doing it again and he almost hit that car.
Speaker 6: Okay, speed up, watch an accident.
Speaker 4: You're about to see that fight you want to see?
Speaker 4: So goddamn bed by the way with v.
Speaker 5: Thompson is the best thing I've ever heard. This car
Speaker 5: is passing people on the left on Sountain.
Speaker 4: I am, wow, let's can we call the cops on
Speaker 4: him and let's do it.
Speaker 5: Let's just tailor.
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, let's do it.
Speaker 5: You guys meet us on sunset.
Speaker 4: I'm gonna. I'm gonna all right, no, no, non't okay?
Speaker 4: Can I say? Quit driving like that?
Speaker 5: Do you remember the bike lock incidents?
Speaker 4: Chris Man?
Speaker 6: I know I'm a giant man, but I have nothing
Speaker 6: to offer the world and I can't fight. You.
Speaker 5: Just punch your arm out the window and just see
Speaker 5: what happens. Just punch his car.
Speaker 4: I maybe it has to do with where I grew
Speaker 4: up and people were quick to punch each other. Good month.
Speaker 5: You're mountain people out there.
Speaker 4: Yeah yeah, people just drank a lot and they fight
Speaker 4: out aboard them. Montana not anymore. I don't think I
Speaker 4: think it's better now.
Speaker 5: Matt, You're from Texas, where no one is violent.
Speaker 6: Yeah, just a bunch of perfectly peaceful, law biting, upstanding citizens,
Speaker 6: forward thinking yep.
Speaker 4: Oddly though, I was in Dallas yesterday and they had
Speaker 4: these lime green bikes and you just get on an
Speaker 4: app and for one dollar for an hour, you get
Speaker 4: this bike. It just unlocks via the app.
Speaker 6: You're right.
Speaker 4: There was thousands of them in downtown Dallas, which is
Speaker 4: for them to be, you know, a classic oil town,
Speaker 4: that progressive. It was. It was pretty impressive.
Speaker 5: I like Dallas.
Speaker 4: Yeah, Dallas was awesome.
Speaker 5: Yeah, we were just there. It was.
Speaker 6: I was in. I went to call it an Austin,
Speaker 6: which is a cool city.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I used to live there.
Speaker 6: Oh yeah, I forget that about you. Yeah, that's our connection.
Speaker 4: I forget I forget about our connection too. We've made
Speaker 4: so many other more valid connections, like what.
Speaker 5: Guy is named for sex? That's an awesome connection.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 4: Yeah, and really trump that Austin.
Speaker 5: Oh did you notice it's a full moon tonight?
Speaker 6: I did notice that. Does that mean anything to you?
Speaker 5: It does?
Speaker 6: Are you a Taurus?
Speaker 5: Yes? Will they say that usually people are more violent
Speaker 5: or like that, the e rs are more crowded? Really,
Speaker 5: and police there's more police activity on full note.
Speaker 4: Sure really and.
Speaker 5: Say that as well, there's more wolf men. The wolfman
Speaker 5: attest to it.
Speaker 4: What are your thoughts on this whole cosmic like astrology
Speaker 4: and everything.
Speaker 6: Matt, I think that my I feel like there probably
Speaker 6: is something going on, but I don't think anybody knows
Speaker 6: what the fuck is right going on. I don't think that, uh,
Speaker 6: the person writing the Sagittarius, which is what I am
Speaker 6: paragraph in the in the newspaper, knows anything.
Speaker 5: I agree such a Sagittarius thing to say that you
Speaker 5: have to know about that.
Speaker 4: Someone said that to me, and I'm Aquarius. I said,
Speaker 4: I don believing And there's that's so aquarius of you.
Speaker 5: That's what I say every time.
Speaker 6: Yeah. Yeah, I am getting bored not believing in anything,
Speaker 6: and so I'm thinking about diving back into believing in something,
Speaker 6: right astrology.
Speaker 4: You know what, just just have it be church.
Speaker 5: Let it be astrology. That would be amazing. If you're
Speaker 5: just getting insanely.
Speaker 6: In, I go, you know, waist deep into astrology because
Speaker 6: you're letting it happen. Yeah. I just want something.
Speaker 5: Sometimes like a life threatening illness or a sudden death
Speaker 5: in the family will kick you into believing something all right.
Speaker 4: Yeah yeah, yeah, or make you less of a believer
Speaker 4: in anything? Right? Yeah?
Speaker 6: Why would they have done this to me?
Speaker 4: Yeah? Exactly? Man. I do remember one time I was
Speaker 4: leaving a bar and there was a drunk lady that
Speaker 4: looked like she drank a lot. And as as she
Speaker 4: was leaving, she looked at me and my friend and
Speaker 4: she said.
Speaker 6: I believe in God.
Speaker 5: She said, I believe in God Jesus.
Speaker 4: Like, how much have you had to? She said, hello Aquarius,
Speaker 4: Hello Scorpio. And we just looked at each other and said,
Speaker 4: I'm I'm Are you a Scorpio? I'm She in passing
Speaker 4: by looking.
Speaker 5: At us, my favorite.
Speaker 1: Wow.
Speaker 4: It was horrifying to me.
Speaker 5: I love it.
Speaker 4: I believe I left that moment and went home.
Speaker 5: You left Texas.
Speaker 4: I know that was Montana. That was a long time ago.
Speaker 4: With my friend Zach. He's dead now. No who's died
Speaker 4: in your friend's circle?
Speaker 6: I got a few, yeah, but not that many. I'm
Speaker 6: still I'm still skating on, like I'm writing that pocket
Speaker 6: where people are just starting My friends are just starting
Speaker 6: to get married, and not very many of them are
Speaker 6: dying yet. Right, It's a lovely time in my life.
Speaker 4: That's nice.
Speaker 5: They call that the Golden year.
Speaker 4: Yeah yeah, yeah, wait till you hit forty boy, everyone's
Speaker 4: going to be dead.
Speaker 6: I do remember. Yeah, my grandma when she was older,
Speaker 6: just every time I saw her, she just listed off
Speaker 6: the people who had died. That was like her opening conversation.
Speaker 4: That's like, yeah, my dad went to his high school reunion.
Speaker 4: I guess the fifth one. Yeah, and uh and and
Speaker 4: or six. I don't know, it doesn't I bet all
Speaker 4: people talk about is who's dead and what joints you've
Speaker 4: had replaced? That's all they talk about.
Speaker 5: So and Game of Thrones and of.
Speaker 4: Course go ot and who's died and got joints replaced?
Speaker 5: On the Do.
Speaker 6: You guys keep up with Game of Thrones?
Speaker 5: I love it?
Speaker 6: I do too.
Speaker 4: It's my Kardashian It's so good it is.
Speaker 6: It just gives me all the stuff I want. It's like, yeah,
Speaker 6: show me sex and violence and incest.
Speaker 4: Yep.
Speaker 6: The thing I want to watch on HBO is incest.
Speaker 5: It turns out I made my sister and my niece watch.
Speaker 5: Is her name Leanna Moormont, the Little Queen, the nine
Speaker 5: year old Queen.
Speaker 4: Okay, oh, she's amazing.
Speaker 5: The Bear Island Queen. That kid I made my sister
Speaker 5: and my niece watched that speech that she gives of
Speaker 5: and still you did not answer the call or whatever
Speaker 5: she says to everybody. And then after that, and my
Speaker 5: sister was kind of like, thanks for what having my
Speaker 5: daughter watch Game of Thrones, right, But then my niece
Speaker 5: looked it up and the actress that plays her is
Speaker 5: on a TV show called The Worst Witch. And my
Speaker 5: niece started watching The Worst Witch. She's like, it's really good, Auntie,
Speaker 5: kare she got into it? Oh, we are so happy.
Speaker 4: She's a fan of that girl that's probably her age. Yes,
Speaker 4: Oh that's awesome. Yeah, yeah, that kid blows me away.
Speaker 5: She's amazing.
Speaker 6: Do you feel as an aunt are you like trying
Speaker 6: to infiltrate your niece's mind?
Speaker 5: Yes, because only because Yes, For a little while, she
Speaker 5: went through a phase like she used to have great taste.
Speaker 5: She loved like Peanuts and like Snoopy cartoons and stuff.
Speaker 5: She's a good taste in the beginning. Then when she
Speaker 5: was like seven, she started loving Gilbert. She started becoming
Speaker 5: alright Republican, No, she'd be started loving Full House and
Speaker 5: she would recite entire episodes to me like, and then
Speaker 5: the little girls went upstairs and I was like, I
Speaker 5: can't listen to this. I'm really mad.
Speaker 4: At you right now. Yeah.
Speaker 5: Yeah, but now she's coming back around to She likes,
Speaker 5: you know, YouTube shows and things that her friends.
Speaker 6: Like, and you're slipping her Zeppelin CD. That's right, get
Speaker 6: her some skinner to take.
Speaker 5: This is a band called Traffic. You're not that popular.
Speaker 5: It's more of a musicians musicians.
Speaker 4: Especially these B sides. It's just moments where they fuck up.
Speaker 5: I'm getting her into a ton of jam bands.
Speaker 6: Setting her up for success. Chris. Do you have n nephews?
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, I have. I have two beautiful little twin nieces.
Speaker 4: Well they're not little anymore. They're almost teenagers. My nephew's seventeen.
Speaker 6: Now, they're older than you.
Speaker 5: That's crazy.
Speaker 4: He's a giant football player. He's a version of me
Speaker 4: that's taller and more physically superior.
Speaker 6: But is he as funny as you? Chris?
Speaker 4: He's very funny, and he does impressions. He does a
Speaker 4: Jason Statham. I can't even touch that.
Speaker 6: Why don't you just go jump off a cliff? Then?
Speaker 4: Yeah? And I never played football, and he listens to
Speaker 4: cool mears bands that I've never even heard of.
Speaker 6: Like, uh, you know, Karen, I think you should consider
Speaker 6: him as your new co host for this podcast.
Speaker 5: Oh good idea, How is it?
Speaker 4: They're great? They were great. They were great. He's got
Speaker 4: wide hips and a big bubbly ass. Alex be listening
Speaker 4: right now, and that's Alex.
Speaker 5: Sorry, must be weird.
Speaker 4: Those are my mom's words, my sister, I mean, his mom.
Speaker 4: That's God.
Speaker 5: Just blame every woman in your life, but yourself sounds fine.
Speaker 4: I'm every woman.
Speaker 5: It's all in me. What about you, Matt? Do you
Speaker 5: have that?
Speaker 6: I do not have any aet my I have two
Speaker 6: older sisters and one younger sister. My little sister's about
Speaker 6: to get married, and my two older sisters are not
Speaker 6: married and don't have kids. Okay, so we're counting on
Speaker 6: my little sister to pull her weight. And because my
Speaker 6: mom is the type of person who if she had
Speaker 6: a grand children, it would grandchild, it would complete her life,
Speaker 6: and we've all let her down in a huge, huge way.
Speaker 4: Yeah, my dad wants more, and he's looking at me.
Speaker 6: That's very great.
Speaker 4: Yeah, he just wants his hands on another baby.
Speaker 5: Yeah, it's is this the mini that was going crazy ship. No, damn,
Speaker 5: it's not even a mini Oh no, wait, so, Matt,
Speaker 5: you grew up with three sisters.
Speaker 6: Three sisters.
Speaker 5: I don't think we talked about that last time. That's fascinating.
Speaker 6: Yeah.
Speaker 5: Do you think it's crafted your personality?
Speaker 6: I think so.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I do too.
Speaker 6: In hell, well, I think that Chris, did you have brothers?
Speaker 4: No, I had one sister.
Speaker 6: I guess I can't come back because I didn't have brothers.
Speaker 6: But I feel like if you have brothers, there's a
Speaker 6: greater chance of you being a bad person. I think
Speaker 6: if you have if you're a dude with brothers, it's
Speaker 6: like too much just beating each other up as a child,
Speaker 6: or just like weird competitive. I just I had like
Speaker 6: three sisters taming all of my worst instincts. I think.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 5: Well, and also you get you learn a lesson of that,
Speaker 5: Like women are in and of the world, so it's
Speaker 5: not you don't aren't shocked and upset by it once
Speaker 5: you get out into the world.
Speaker 6: That's exactly right. Yeah, my littles are gonna be married
Speaker 6: December fifteenth, and I'm I am officiating the wedding.
Speaker 5: Oh wow, that's cool.
Speaker 4: Are you looking forward to that.
Speaker 6: I am, and I have also put off writing the
Speaker 6: ceremony until now. So I'm writing it and it's hard.
Speaker 6: I'm like, I love the beast. So far, I've written
Speaker 6: a lot of jokes that like two pages of yes
Speaker 6: of like jokes that I'm gonna have to cut most
Speaker 6: up because nobody gives a shit. Yeah, but the part
Speaker 6: that I don't have down yet is where I need
Speaker 6: to be, Like, marriage is this I don't know any
Speaker 6: I don't know anything about marriage, and I don't I
Speaker 6: think marriage is kind of dumb. I'm sorry, I think
Speaker 6: say that and I'm my little sister. If you're listening, Emily,
Speaker 6: I'm sorry, but you're making a terrible decision about taking
Speaker 6: just twist.
Speaker 5: It's like, so it's like marriage is what you make it? Yes,
Speaker 5: type of what's the better way to say the thing
Speaker 5: you actually mean? Yeah?
Speaker 6: Can you ghost write this wedding ceremony?
Speaker 5: I'm happy to ye. I'm actually just gonna pull something
Speaker 5: out of like a quotable website actually.
Speaker 6: Send it to Kurt Brownholder helped me. He has officiated
Speaker 6: a handful of boddings and has like a whole format
Speaker 6: written out that he's me and so I'm just like
Speaker 6: filling in the dots.
Speaker 4: Like he's done a dozen.
Speaker 5: Yeah, something like, wow, he's a priest, right.
Speaker 6: Yeah, Kurt Browlinholder is a priest.
Speaker 4: I can see him being really good at that though.
Speaker 6: Yeah he Yeah, they're really funny. He sent me a
Speaker 6: couple ceremonies and they read just like funny stand up
Speaker 6: backs of his Oh wow, but yeah, so I'm doing that.
Speaker 5: And it's basically like when Emily was seven years old.
Speaker 5: We knew that she would this because she did that.
Speaker 6: Yeah. Ye, we shared bunk beds as a kid, So
Speaker 6: I'm going to mention how much we fought about bunk
Speaker 6: bed Who got the top bunk? Is that good?
Speaker 4: Yeah? And you should compare it with who gets the
Speaker 4: top with her? Yeah, I mean yea, make it about him.
Speaker 6: And Karen, you're out.
Speaker 5: I was going to say the same thing. You just
Speaker 5: interrupted episode you're excited to be back?
Speaker 4: And then cool, Oh yeah that's nice, a little sunset gradient, Well, hello, are.
Speaker 5: You what's going on? I didn't realize that I was
Speaker 5: actually joke. I just joke like flirt sits at him,
Speaker 5: and but he looked straight.
Speaker 6: Up yeah sensual.
Speaker 4: I don't mean we all were looking him right in
Speaker 4: the eyes and he was mid buggeryat Oh god, yeah, hey,
Speaker 4: what happens in your car? Racism?
Speaker 6: Yeah, it's okay, it's okay now, Karen, it's not ok
Speaker 6: Was that man attractive? Did you find that man attractive?
Speaker 5: Now? That man looked like someone who would be on
Speaker 5: the show Arrow. Yes, I'm not interested in actor looking
Speaker 5: type people.
Speaker 6: He looked a little like a guy who would be
Speaker 6: the lead of a country band that plays at bars
Speaker 6: in Austin too. He had a little bit of like
Speaker 6: that look.
Speaker 5: I bet you if he got out and stood up,
Speaker 5: he would have a lot of bracelets on, and he
Speaker 5: would have jeans that had embroidery on the bath.
Speaker 6: Karen, what do you have against embroidery.
Speaker 5: I was stabbed in the eye by an embroiderous by.
Speaker 6: When you were three, And that's how you say the word.
Speaker 5: Now, that's what gave me my speech.
Speaker 4: And it happened, you know, Stallone and Maria Shriver.
Speaker 5: You know what I feel bad about right now? We
Speaker 5: didn't get your coffee, man, and we got ourselves skilled.
Speaker 6: And can I tell you something, I would have loved
Speaker 6: a coffee.
Speaker 4: Oh that makes it worse.
Speaker 6: I'm going to just get out of the car right now,
Speaker 6: go back to it's serious. No, I'm okay. I'm actually
Speaker 6: going to a coffee shop after this where I will
Speaker 6: get myself a free coffee.
Speaker 4: Oh, at yours where your comedy concert.
Speaker 6: Is, right, that's right, my comedy concert.
Speaker 5: Yeah, is that? Does it start at nine or eight?
Speaker 6: Eight? Oh? Oh?
Speaker 4: Show good? Oh good? I said, shoot, but I meant good,
Speaker 4: Oh god god shoot, oh show show.
Speaker 6: And you guys have both done my comedy show, and
Speaker 6: you're both very funny on it.
Speaker 5: The last time I did your comedy show, I feel
Speaker 5: like I didn't do well because I started by saying
Speaker 5: I don't like cou Yeah, I basically did. I was
Speaker 5: kind of like, this is comedy's pointless.
Speaker 6: It does. I don't remember you saying that, but I
Speaker 6: do feel that right now about comedy. Yeah, it's like
Speaker 6: what are we doing?
Speaker 5: Yeah?
Speaker 4: Do we all hate it right now?
Speaker 5: It's all the same.
Speaker 6: Yeah, I feel it doesn't feel great right now?
Speaker 4: Yeah, me either, me either.
Speaker 5: I'd rather just write think pieces.
Speaker 6: Yeah.
Speaker 4: Do you remember do you remember Matt that time that you,
Speaker 4: because of rain, your show was indoors in your bookstore
Speaker 4: and this guy came in with his girlfriend and you
Speaker 4: just started attacking him in the most why.
Speaker 6: It was it was in a bad mood that night.
Speaker 4: It was so great though. You really were specifically just
Speaker 4: and they were laughing at first, and then you kept
Speaker 4: doing it, and then they decided they'd leave.
Speaker 6: It's so funny too, Like I was laughing because as
Speaker 6: a principal in the past couple of years, I'm deliberately
Speaker 6: nice to people I talked to in the audience or
Speaker 6: I try to make challenge myself to do that. But
Speaker 6: there was a time when I was just bitter and
Speaker 6: mean to what I was talking to.
Speaker 4: Yeah. I loved watching it because it's not your personality.
Speaker 4: I'd like that with anyone where I see them be
Speaker 4: mean on stage a role and then and then in
Speaker 4: person they are the sweetest, you know what I mean.
Speaker 4: And that's me talking about you. Yeah, you got sweet
Speaker 4: is the word I use.
Speaker 5: There was a one time at Largo, Zach Alphanax was
Speaker 5: on stage and he walked outside with the microphone and
Speaker 5: was on the sidewalk and he made this couple that
Speaker 5: were walking by come in and stand on stage, and
Speaker 5: then he started interviewing them and come to find out
Speaker 5: they both worked at Halliburton and he began to ream
Speaker 5: them and it was totally real and he was not
Speaker 5: trying to be funny. He was like, you do realize
Speaker 5: that you are the enemy, and like it was it
Speaker 5: was so uncomfortable, and they just kind of stood there laughing,
Speaker 5: and they were young. It was very weird. But he
Speaker 5: was livid. He was like legitimately angry at both of them.
Speaker 4: It's funny when you said that, I was thinking of
Speaker 4: him because he is someone that is sweet in person,
Speaker 4: so sweet, and and he can be mean and scary
Speaker 4: as a as a movie character or whatever on stage.
Speaker 4: That's what did he say to them.
Speaker 5: It was just like, because he's so politically kind of
Speaker 5: and always has been very dialed into like that kind
Speaker 5: of politics of like those what's happening now, which is
Speaker 5: basically all the insane psychopaths that aren't so greedy they
Speaker 5: don't give a fuck about what happens to anybody.
Speaker 4: Yeah, the money behind podcast.
Speaker 5: Yeah, and so it was just like the war machine
Speaker 5: and you know you kill you know, you're killing the
Speaker 5: lower and middle class. So that what I can't remember.
Speaker 5: It was really heavy and at the time I never knew.
Speaker 5: I didn't follow anything or pay attention to anything like
Speaker 5: what is he talking about? Like I am on his side,
Speaker 5: I don't know what's happening.
Speaker 4: Oh wow.
Speaker 6: Another bad moment I had on stage once, which was
Speaker 6: another sort of turning point where it's like, I need
Speaker 6: to stop being mean to Heckler's. Yeah, there was. I
Speaker 6: was a Westside comedy theater and I was in the
Speaker 6: green room and I kept hearing like people dealing with
Speaker 6: the Heckler outside, right, and then they'd come back and
Speaker 6: to be like, there's this fucking woman and drunk woman
Speaker 6: in the front row and she's the worst. And I
Speaker 6: got the sense I wasn't really watching any of the show,
Speaker 6: just hanging it on the green room, and I got
Speaker 6: the sense that everyone hated her. Right, So I went
Speaker 6: out on stage and within within the first sentence of
Speaker 6: the first setup to the first joke I was telling,
Speaker 6: she spouted off something to me and I just bent
Speaker 6: down and pointed like interface was like, you're a fucking nightmare,
Speaker 6: and nobody laughed, and the audience turned on me so
Speaker 6: hard in that moment, and I spent most of the
Speaker 6: rest of myself apologizing and just sheepessly trying to get
Speaker 6: back to my material.
Speaker 4: You're a fucking nightmare.
Speaker 6: I thought that people would be on my side. I
Speaker 6: had the impression that she.
Speaker 5: Was right right, They're like, we like what she's doing.
Speaker 6: Yeah.
Speaker 4: The problem when you're getting a report from the other
Speaker 4: performers in the green room about a heckler, it doesn't
Speaker 4: always mean heckling. It means that they're talking or being
Speaker 4: annoying to just you. Yes, and they're not turning going
Speaker 4: announcing their heckls to the the rest of the group. Yes,
Speaker 4: and that's that's what that Probably the audience didn't even
Speaker 4: know that lady was being terrible the whole time.
Speaker 6: Probably the only thing I'm proud of, Chris, Do you
Speaker 6: have any heckler takedown videos on YouTube.
Speaker 4: Of me doing that?
Speaker 6: Yeah?
Speaker 4: I was in Boise a couple of weeks ago and
Speaker 4: I did.
Speaker 6: Heckler. No.
Speaker 4: I went, I got off stage and I grabbed the
Speaker 4: table and I said, you both have to leave right now. Yeah,
Speaker 4: And then and they eventually did. And then after the show,
Speaker 4: they were waiting there because they knew one of my
Speaker 4: friends at home, and I got in his face and
Speaker 4: yelled at him. But there was no physical takedown. But
Speaker 4: they are changing. They're they're printing out cards there that
Speaker 4: say please be quiet, and because no one was dealing with.
Speaker 5: The Yeah, the cards will do it. That'll take care
Speaker 5: of it.
Speaker 4: Well if if you think about it, like someone's standing there,
Speaker 4: like a person that is non confrontational trying to get
Speaker 4: you to be quiet by standing by the table. That
Speaker 4: doesn't register with people. But if they receive a card,
Speaker 4: I think that's a child that's in trouble. It's like
Speaker 4: a business card that says you're being disrupted. They used
Speaker 4: to do at the Velveta.
Speaker 6: Room and it worked great.
Speaker 5: They're getting past a note.
Speaker 4: Yes, and you look at the note and they have
Speaker 4: to read it and it says you're being disrupted, and
Speaker 4: it's all official looking. That I think all comedy clubs
Speaker 4: should do that.
Speaker 5: That's a good idea.
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, And so I think they're going to do
Speaker 4: that now because there was a that's a town that
Speaker 4: likes to drink, like all of I know and all
Speaker 4: of Montana where I'm from, and all of Texas where
Speaker 4: everyone drinks. The whole country is fucking drunk and ship
Speaker 4: and they that's why people talk. And if they if
Speaker 4: they get the little cards, they might go oh okay,
Speaker 4: oh I see yeah, and then it's not. It's not
Speaker 4: awkward for anyone.
Speaker 5: It's less unless they're so drunk they're saying double and
Speaker 5: when they see this, it's there like it's a snake. Yeah,
Speaker 5: there's a paper snake in my.
Speaker 4: Hand, and they start screaming they're scared of snake.
Speaker 6: Do you feel like everyone thinks they're funny?
Speaker 4: I feel like I got everyone people in the audience
Speaker 4: at comedy shows for the first time ever while all
Speaker 4: of a sudden think they're funny, right, that somehow they
Speaker 4: feel empowered by watching comedy.
Speaker 5: Well, because it's easy to sit there and go, oh,
Speaker 5: I could do this, or I can think of funny thing.
Speaker 4: Yes, yes, because all he's doing is holding a mic
Speaker 4: and put he put on pants. I can do that
Speaker 4: right right? Yeah?
Speaker 6: Well, and that was the first open mics I ever did.
Speaker 6: I was just watching and I was like, well, I'm
Speaker 6: at least as funny as these fucking assholes.
Speaker 4: Where was that in Austin?
Speaker 6: That was actually weirdly out here. I was out here
Speaker 6: for a summer in college, and I did an open
Speaker 6: mic at the Rainbow Bar and Grill and then a
Speaker 6: Hot Yeah, and then at Ha Ha Cafe that the
Speaker 6: Nightmare club in North That is.
Speaker 4: The first place I did stand up to Patrick Keane
Speaker 4: was working the door. Yeah, and uh yeah, Howard Kramer
Speaker 4: took me to Haha Cafe.
Speaker 6: I did a bringer show at Haha Cafe. Who'd you
Speaker 6: bring some college friends of mine that were out here?
Speaker 6: And I had a great set, or in my memory,
Speaker 6: a great set. I mean, yeah, I'm sure it was
Speaker 6: absolutely terrible.
Speaker 5: You well have a recording of it right here.
Speaker 6: Daren. Where was the first time you did stand up
Speaker 6: or what was the first time?
Speaker 3: It was?
Speaker 5: In Sacramento. I was right after I flunked out of college,
Speaker 5: so I had to do something. Yeah, get back my
Speaker 5: police trust and I went to h I met a
Speaker 5: comic at a bar and he and I were like,
Speaker 5: she was he was a friend of my friends, and
Speaker 5: he and I started talking and then I was just
Speaker 5: sassing him a lot. And then he was like, are
Speaker 5: you a comedian, which I secretly wanted to be very badly,
Speaker 5: And I said no, and he said you should be,
Speaker 5: And then he invited me to come to a show
Speaker 5: that he was the host of, and so I I
Speaker 5: went to it for like a month, like I went
Speaker 5: to four in a row and I did the exact
Speaker 5: same thing where I was like, I'm funnier than all
Speaker 5: these people. Yeah, and then I did it.
Speaker 6: No, Karen, Yes, of college, I sure did not smart enough.
Speaker 5: No. I couldn't read, never have been able to.
Speaker 6: That's great. How long did you go to college?
Speaker 5: For a year and a half?
Speaker 6: And were you just what was the experience? You were
Speaker 6: just like, no, thank you.
Speaker 5: I was. It was the first time I went from
Speaker 5: going to a high school with three hundred and fifty
Speaker 5: people in a town of three thirty thousand to going
Speaker 5: to Sacramento and the school itself had thirty thousand people
Speaker 5: in it. It was like a big commuter school and
Speaker 5: I had been I was on my own for the
Speaker 5: first time, and I was like, I actually don't have
Speaker 5: to go to class. I can drink beer and go
Speaker 5: to Burger King every god damn day. So that's exactly
Speaker 5: what I'm going to do.
Speaker 6: That sounds like a great life.
Speaker 5: It was. I've had a great life. And then I
Speaker 5: shoot myself in the head.
Speaker 4: Oh my god. I just have you guys ever seen
Speaker 4: the footage of that news lady doing that.
Speaker 6: Are you talking about?
Speaker 5: Yes, I haven't seen it.
Speaker 4: I haven't seen, but it made me watch YouTube the
Speaker 4: actual suicide.
Speaker 6: I watched one and it was it was something bud,
Speaker 6: but that one was not good for my brain.
Speaker 5: It was very bad, very very bad.
Speaker 4: Did anyone watch the tiger eat that man at the zoo? No,
Speaker 4: that was just one. People have to stop posting these videos.
Speaker 4: It was a friend of mine and I said, you can't.
Speaker 4: I did not want to see that. And then all
Speaker 4: the comments were like me either, me, but a tiger
Speaker 4: killed a man. You can imagine how awful and brutal
Speaker 4: that was.
Speaker 6: Sounds beautiful. It was just it was to me, that's
Speaker 6: what that's sexy to me.
Speaker 4: It was a regular motion, very crunchy, very bloody.
Speaker 5: That's what I'm into.
Speaker 6: Yeah, now, Karen, the last time I was on this podcast,
Speaker 6: I don't know if you remember, but I bring it
Speaker 6: up to people somewhat frequently. I made you to what
Speaker 6: I turned seventy years old to shoot me in the back.
Speaker 5: Of the head, and I said, yes I would, Yeah
Speaker 5: you did.
Speaker 6: Okay, are you still willing to hold up that agreement if.
Speaker 5: It's what you want? I mean, like, if if one
Speaker 5: you're seventy and you've changed your mind, I'm not going
Speaker 5: to hold you to it.
Speaker 6: Yeah, no, but that's the thing. You can't let me know.
Speaker 6: It's like when I'm once, I turned seventy, you can
Speaker 6: touch basically when I'm sixty nine.
Speaker 5: Okay, sexy?
Speaker 4: Right, that's I was gonna say. Somewhere in the six
Speaker 4: days there should be a refresher, yes, because I don't know.
Speaker 4: I've watched my dad enjoy life from seventy to seventy
Speaker 4: five here, so you think.
Speaker 6: I should push it a little?
Speaker 4: Yeah?
Speaker 5: Yeah, just you know, Yeah, my dad just had a
Speaker 5: seventy seventh birthday and he's he does have a marked
Speaker 5: limp and he is hard of hearing, but he's having
Speaker 5: a fun rhyme.
Speaker 4: Right, wait till you have ass cancer or something and
Speaker 4: then call Karena?
Speaker 5: Or how about if I may Readjust what if I
Speaker 5: just decide when it's going to be and it's not
Speaker 5: we don't pick the number.
Speaker 4: You don't know the yeah week.
Speaker 6: Just someday you'll kill me?
Speaker 4: Yeah, what do you think of that?
Speaker 6: That's it? I could go with that, yeah.
Speaker 5: Right, because I think it's going to make you appreciate
Speaker 5: every moment.
Speaker 4: I can't go for that, yeah, can.
Speaker 6: I'm sorry, I just don't want to see it coming.
Speaker 6: Or maybe I do. Maybe it'll be fun to just
Speaker 6: my last moment is like, oh it's Karen. Oh my
Speaker 6: friend Karen.
Speaker 4: That's right.
Speaker 5: Or I dress up. I could dress up like a cowgirl,
Speaker 5: you know what I mean, where I have like guns
Speaker 5: on my hips and I'm walking up all slow and serious.
Speaker 5: We could do it. We could just seem it out. Yeah.
Speaker 6: Fun. It's at a Halloween party, so I don't know
Speaker 6: what's going on, or it's.
Speaker 5: Or I just do it by strangling you. So what
Speaker 5: we're talking and then I just slowly put my hand
Speaker 5: up to your neck and I won't let go.
Speaker 6: And I have a big smile on my face.
Speaker 5: Right, No matter what we do, this is going to
Speaker 5: be great.
Speaker 4: Okay, you guys are starting to talk me into this.
Speaker 4: Are you in it?
Speaker 5: You want to get in on them?
Speaker 6: I want to service.
Speaker 5: Karen offers let me kill.
Speaker 4: You Halloween suicides.
Speaker 6: It's called Killer k I L L y R and
Speaker 6: it's an app you can download.
Speaker 5: First, we have to get me my nickname. Killy's going
Speaker 5: and then branding will work itself out. Speaking of which,
Speaker 5: how about this violent psychopathic van.
Speaker 4: Oh he's been so troublesome at the show before truly, Oh, Yes,
Speaker 4: that's the guy. He's been awful.
Speaker 6: Oh, that guy is crazy.
Speaker 4: He's been awful. He's been He's uh, he's.
Speaker 6: He calls himself the mayor of Echo Park. He's disruptive,
Speaker 6: he's got a big beard.
Speaker 4: And everyone has to step on eggshells around him, and
Speaker 4: he like puts up with a ship. I told him.
Speaker 6: I was like Dave was on stage when he walked
Speaker 6: out of the door one time, and Dave just made
Speaker 6: some comment because he looks wild, right, And Dave made
Speaker 6: some comment and he just stopped and started shouting at Dave.
Speaker 6: And I went there shouting at the whole audience.
Speaker 4: I was there.
Speaker 5: Wow.
Speaker 4: I went up right after that. I went up right
Speaker 4: after that moment, and I talked about how I was
Speaker 4: going to get murdered.
Speaker 6: I started. That was almost the fun I started to go.
Speaker 6: I went and stood next to him because he was
Speaker 6: being aggressive, so I was like, am I gonna have
Speaker 6: to Karen kill Gareth.
Speaker 5: Your big chance? This is one of my favorite drives,
Speaker 5: just going up and down in a parking lot. Whe
Speaker 5: was not actually looking for a parking thing.
Speaker 4: It's the only time you can really just go in
Speaker 4: circles slowly and have no one get upset with you.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I like it.
Speaker 4: But but this is your stop.
Speaker 6: This is my start, and it's you have finished. You
Speaker 6: have completed giving me.
Speaker 5: A rude Now is there anything else we need to
Speaker 5: talk about before you go?
Speaker 6: Well? I'd love for people to watch my show Corporate.
Speaker 6: Jake Weisman is in it as well. Pat Bishop we
Speaker 6: created with him. He directed every episode. Yes, uh, parnon
Speaker 6: on Chair is in it. Annie do Deck is in it.
Speaker 5: I was in the show with any Deck.
Speaker 6: Oh yeah, what show.
Speaker 5: It's a show called The Book Group that we shot
Speaker 5: in Scotland.
Speaker 6: Oh cool, Yeah, this show was Jake. Oh yeah what
Speaker 6: Adam Lastick, Lance Reddick. Yes, it's really fucking cool and
Speaker 6: I think you should watch it.
Speaker 5: Awesome, I love that I'm lastic is so funny.
Speaker 6: Feel free to get it by whatever means necessary. I
Speaker 6: don't care if you illegally downloaded. Don't tell Viacom that
Speaker 6: I told you to do that.
Speaker 4: When were you done? Because it's been a wild since
Speaker 4: you stop shooting it if not a full year, right.
Speaker 6: We stopped shooting in February of this year, and I
Speaker 6: think that's right. Yeah, and then we edited and then
Speaker 6: it's we've been sitting on it for a minute. Yeah,
Speaker 6: and yeah, we're finally getting.
Speaker 4: To put it. I'm so glad.
Speaker 6: I know it's going to launch you into superstardom.
Speaker 4: No, every and and from what I've seen, Matt McCarthy
Speaker 4: will be launched into superstardom everyone, all the regular It's great.
Speaker 4: I just watched the pilot, but I yea, it's uh,
Speaker 4: it's it's really good.
Speaker 5: Well, I can't wait to see it. I'm jeny excited
Speaker 5: to see it. Yeah, thanks, Karen, because I loved women
Speaker 5: the sketches, those because pot Bishop directed those.
Speaker 6: I directed those.
Speaker 5: Yes, he's good.
Speaker 6: He's very good. Pat Bishop is sort of like a
Speaker 6: robot genius type person. He's one of those people that
Speaker 6: Chris and I know you're one of these people too,
Speaker 6: where it's like you just start talking and hopefully I'll
Speaker 6: start saying something interesting by the time the sentence is
Speaker 6: over right at someone where if you like tell him something,
Speaker 6: you can see him like think about what he's going
Speaker 6: to say. Yes, so he like never says anything that
Speaker 6: is dumb or stupid, whereas I'm constantly stumbling over it.
Speaker 4: No, that that's actually me.
Speaker 6: You are the you are the king of that You've
Speaker 6: made that into your entire like comedic persona.
Speaker 4: Yeah. Yeah, that's that's how I afford my lifestyle.
Speaker 5: Life.
Speaker 6: We are.
Speaker 4: This boat. I'm about to get on.
Speaker 6: No.
Speaker 4: I loved him as the director of that show too,
Speaker 4: because he was like a sweet you know, he wasn't
Speaker 4: he's intimidating. Yeah, he was very zen. He was very
Speaker 4: nomas day. It was very downward done.
Speaker 5: As he directed TV before.
Speaker 6: Is that his first This is his first time directing TV.
Speaker 6: He directed a ton of stuff for Fun of Your Day.
Speaker 6: He edited with Bob and David and The Birthday Boys
Speaker 6: Awesome and some other stuff. So he's very talented. Ye,
Speaker 6: Jake and I are just where he's trying our best.
Speaker 4: You guys are great.
Speaker 5: I bet it's good.
Speaker 6: Guys. Thanks so much for having me on.
Speaker 4: For having you on, for coming on.
Speaker 6: And guys, this has been welcome to my ride. I'm
Speaker 6: your host, Matt Ingebretsen. Yeah.
Speaker 4: You did do most of the interviewing, which I appreciate.
Speaker 5: It was really nice of you take it off.
Speaker 6: Had that instinct. I like when I used to date
Speaker 6: a lot, I would just basically interview the other person
Speaker 6: the whole time, to the point where they would call
Speaker 6: it out like it feels like you're interviewing me, Like, oh,
Speaker 6: that's right, but the date is over. Goodbye.
Speaker 5: How about you answer a fucking question for one?
Speaker 6: That's the best?
Speaker 4: Thanks? All right, thanks buddy, it's good to see you.
Speaker 4: We'll come in after this and watch some of your show.
Speaker 6: All right, great, okay, Well.
Speaker 4: That's it for us.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I know, yeah, it's over.
Speaker 4: Do we even Is there anything you want to say?
Speaker 5: No?
Speaker 4: Yeah, I don't want to say anything either.
Speaker 6: We should.
Speaker 5: I just wanted that guy to get out of the car.
Speaker 4: Yeah, let's really talk about him.
Speaker 5: I love him.
Speaker 4: Dunk Oh wow, oh wow. I think he's so smelly.
Speaker 4: He was smelled great.
Speaker 5: No, I think that show is going to be really good.
Speaker 5: And I didn't realize you were on it.
Speaker 4: So just just an episode, I think, But so maybe
Speaker 4: I think just one.
Speaker 5: That's going to go straight on. Yeah, well we got
Speaker 5: to update that reel.
Speaker 4: Yeah we do. There's a couple of things I need
Speaker 4: to put on it too. And in both things I
Speaker 4: was in one Mississippi and this both are with that
Speaker 4: John Daily guy. Isn't that I showed up at the
Speaker 4: one other thing I acted in and it was the
Speaker 4: same dude.
Speaker 5: Like with you. Yeah, yeah, he's so funny.
Speaker 4: Hopefully I'll make it onto his demo reel. My is
Speaker 4: to be on as many demo reels as possible, not
Speaker 4: actually get jobs.
Speaker 5: Yeah, just get demo reel jobs we'll have.
Speaker 4: We're gonna our next episode. We're gonna We're gonna have
Speaker 4: a shirt.
Speaker 5: Yes. Oh yeah, So a couple people have tweeted at us, yes,
Speaker 5: like please can I have one? Everyone's being so polite
Speaker 5: and so sweet. It's so hilarious. But just so everyone
Speaker 5: knows and people who are waiting and who have requested,
Speaker 5: we are going to do a special T shirt mailer
Speaker 5: episode and uh and then everyone will get their T shirt.
Speaker 6: Yeah.
Speaker 4: Yeah, well I've mailed most of them, but if you
Speaker 4: haven't got them yet, I only have mediums and largest
Speaker 4: at this point, but only a handful.
Speaker 5: We got a request just today of a lady that
Speaker 5: would like a medium and she said, I'm asking nicely
Speaker 5: and I've listened for as long as I've known about it. Yes, yes,
Speaker 5: I do you see that?
Speaker 4: Yeah, I did see it so hard. I'm we're going
Speaker 4: about it a different way where I already had them
Speaker 4: printed for that podcast festival. And then so I was like, well,
Speaker 4: email me your size and your address. But then I
Speaker 4: had to send them back an email with my Venmo
Speaker 4: and pay or PayPal, and then they would email back
Speaker 4: and say, okay, money's there. So then I look at
Speaker 4: my email and my PayPal and my Venmo and the
Speaker 4: people that gave me money. That's why I sent shirts.
Speaker 5: Oh I didn't realize you, so thank you.
Speaker 4: It was a lot and putting them in envelopes and
Speaker 4: going in a few times to the post office. But
Speaker 4: if you thought you ordered a shirt and it hasn't
Speaker 4: comments because I haven't gotten money, that's all.
Speaker 5: Got it.
Speaker 4: It was money and then mail got it, you know
Speaker 4: what I mean.
Speaker 5: Yeah, it makes sense anyway. So that's yeah, okay, yeah,
Speaker 5: loving it.
Speaker 4: I am too.
Speaker 5: I love it.
Speaker 4: Well, we're gonna honk in front of that guy. Yes, yeah,
Speaker 4: I want the sixteenth of You're in Missoula, Montana in December.
Speaker 4: I'm opening for Reggie Bots. I'll be a really fun show.
Speaker 5: And then and then I'm in.
Speaker 4: Portland on the twenty first to the twenty third.
Speaker 5: At Helium importantly nice. That's a great Cloe two fun gigs. Yeah,
Speaker 5: that's so fun. Go see Chris Fairbanks do comedy and
Speaker 5: if you like him, try to date him because he's
Speaker 5: on bumble. But it's not working.
Speaker 4: Oh it's not. I'm not I'm not ever going to
Speaker 4: meet him. I wish I didn't even mention that.
Speaker 5: I want to mention it more. I think you and
Speaker 5: I we need to get out there. Yeah, yeah, you
Speaker 5: start mixing it up. We need to start very casually
Speaker 5: dating tons of people, just lots of meat.
Speaker 4: Right, described myself in a lot of feelings.
Speaker 5: Tons of coffees and really like superficial interaction.
Speaker 4: I can't do it what you're describing.
Speaker 5: I just can't do I'm the worst.
Speaker 4: Oh god.
Speaker 5: I just simply don't want to talk to anybody unless
Speaker 5: they don't seem to want to talk to me, and
Speaker 5: then I'm exactly that's exempt.
Speaker 4: Wow, we have to talk more about that. There's one
Speaker 4: if someone doesn't like me back, Oh man.
Speaker 5: No, that's the key, Oh god, Because well there's something
Speaker 5: about it where I can pretend to be casual up
Speaker 5: unto a point, right, but then if it's like but
Speaker 5: then if I get a little idea in my head
Speaker 5: and there's any even suggestion of rejection, it then becomes
Speaker 5: I missed interrpret heartbreak for for love? Right is I
Speaker 5: think my main problem?
Speaker 4: Good God, I do that too. Yeah, I didn't know
Speaker 4: we have that in Colin. Good God.
Speaker 5: We need to talk about important things more and stop bullshit.
Speaker 4: When we end the podcast, we honk, But there's so
Speaker 4: many people in front of the car. I think we're
Speaker 4: just gonna have to not do it.
Speaker 5: We're gonna have to not I'll do it. You do
Speaker 5: your thing and I'll provide the honk.
Speaker 4: Okay, you've been listening to Do you need a ride?
Speaker 4: D y n A R?
Speaker 5: That's pretty good?
Speaker 4: Right?
Speaker 1: I leave you want to way back?
Speaker 2: Either way, we want to be there. Doesn't matter how
Speaker 2: much baggage you give us time and Turman engage.
Speaker 3: We want to sendul Us stile Leanna, welcome you back home.
Speaker 1: Tell us all about it.
Speaker 5: We scared her? Was it fine?
Speaker 6: Now?
Speaker 2: Porn?
Speaker 1: Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?
Speaker 1: Do you need to ride? Do you need
Speaker 4: With Karen and Chris