1 00:00:02,880 --> 00:00:06,200 Speaker 1: Schipper, I are you doing this week? 2 00:00:06,600 --> 00:00:10,600 Speaker 2: I'm well, I'm reporting live from New York City, from 3 00:00:10,640 --> 00:00:13,240 Speaker 2: New York City, from New York City, so I have 4 00:00:13,280 --> 00:00:17,119 Speaker 2: hipped doors. It's Chip Doors. I apologize in advance if 5 00:00:17,120 --> 00:00:20,319 Speaker 2: there's any background noise to the listeners and to you. 6 00:00:19,840 --> 00:00:23,680 Speaker 2: I love to play. I know I've got a microphone 7 00:00:23,680 --> 00:00:25,800 Speaker 2: in hand. I'm like, I could give two ships if 8 00:00:25,800 --> 00:00:31,240 Speaker 2: anybody's staring at me right now the conversation that we're 9 00:00:31,280 --> 00:00:32,760 Speaker 2: about to have, which is amazing. 10 00:00:33,280 --> 00:00:35,199 Speaker 3: Do be careful though, I don't know if the listeners 11 00:00:35,200 --> 00:00:37,320 Speaker 3: are hearing what I'm hearing. But Chip is literally laid 12 00:00:37,360 --> 00:00:39,040 Speaker 3: back in the corner of this couch and he is 13 00:00:39,120 --> 00:00:41,479 Speaker 3: mic resting on his chest, so it's a little muffily 14 00:00:41,600 --> 00:00:46,360 Speaker 3: for us when you move around. Okay, you look very 15 00:00:46,440 --> 00:00:47,479 Speaker 3: comfortable though. 16 00:00:47,520 --> 00:00:50,400 Speaker 2: I am very comfortable. So I'm at the Soto Grand Hotel, 17 00:00:50,479 --> 00:00:53,800 Speaker 2: like in the lobby restaurant bar, and whenever someone walks 18 00:00:53,840 --> 00:00:56,240 Speaker 2: into the lobby or this restaurant, they're looking right at me, 19 00:00:56,320 --> 00:00:58,320 Speaker 2: like chilled out like this. It's amazing. 20 00:00:58,400 --> 00:01:01,040 Speaker 3: I mean, you were literally cool, calm, collected, but just 21 00:01:01,200 --> 00:01:02,080 Speaker 3: really living. 22 00:01:01,880 --> 00:01:02,680 Speaker 1: Life over here. 23 00:01:04,000 --> 00:01:05,760 Speaker 3: One of the new things Chip and I have been 24 00:01:05,800 --> 00:01:08,400 Speaker 3: talking about obviously, you guys know I do a Wednesday 25 00:01:08,440 --> 00:01:10,399 Speaker 3: episode it's called the Velvet, and then when we do 26 00:01:10,440 --> 00:01:13,800 Speaker 3: our Friday episodes, it's called the Edge. And we've gone 27 00:01:13,800 --> 00:01:17,959 Speaker 3: through different processes of connecting those two them being individuals. 28 00:01:18,200 --> 00:01:20,840 Speaker 3: I think last year, last season, whatever you want to 29 00:01:20,880 --> 00:01:23,320 Speaker 3: call it, we had themes every month a membership and 30 00:01:23,360 --> 00:01:26,039 Speaker 3: so every podcast is kind of the theme. But you 31 00:01:26,080 --> 00:01:28,320 Speaker 3: and I really have wanted to feel a little more connected, 32 00:01:28,360 --> 00:01:30,360 Speaker 3: like with the Wednesday and the Friday podcast. 33 00:01:30,440 --> 00:01:31,759 Speaker 1: And so we were. 34 00:01:31,680 --> 00:01:35,120 Speaker 3: Talking about the topic that I talked about on Wednesday. 35 00:01:35,160 --> 00:01:37,360 Speaker 3: And if you guys haven't listened, it's with Jodi White. 36 00:01:37,400 --> 00:01:42,200 Speaker 3: She's a psychotherapist and podcaster who specializes in codependency, love addiction, 37 00:01:42,920 --> 00:01:46,039 Speaker 3: toxic relationships. She's been on the podcast multiple times, but 38 00:01:46,440 --> 00:01:48,560 Speaker 3: I brought her back on this Wednesday to really talk 39 00:01:48,600 --> 00:01:52,800 Speaker 3: about our relationship as a society with social media and 40 00:01:53,040 --> 00:01:57,920 Speaker 3: toxic well yeah, but just also how when we really 41 00:01:57,920 --> 00:02:00,840 Speaker 3: start to break down, like the model of dependency and 42 00:02:00,880 --> 00:02:03,400 Speaker 3: the model of what love addiction is. And for those 43 00:02:03,440 --> 00:02:05,360 Speaker 3: who don't know, love addiction is a hard term that 44 00:02:05,400 --> 00:02:08,160 Speaker 3: I don't really love using because really what it is 45 00:02:08,160 --> 00:02:11,520 Speaker 3: is just that anxiousness, that anxious attachment where you may 46 00:02:11,639 --> 00:02:15,360 Speaker 3: overperform in a relationship, become codependent or dependent on someone 47 00:02:15,520 --> 00:02:18,760 Speaker 3: because to you, if that relationship ends, it feels like 48 00:02:18,880 --> 00:02:19,640 Speaker 3: you might die. 49 00:02:19,720 --> 00:02:19,880 Speaker 2: You know. 50 00:02:19,960 --> 00:02:23,400 Speaker 3: It's just that over extension of self and loss of 51 00:02:23,440 --> 00:02:26,639 Speaker 3: relationship with yourself. And so we kind of talked through 52 00:02:26,680 --> 00:02:30,520 Speaker 3: that dynamic a couple times on the podcast regarding relationships, 53 00:02:30,520 --> 00:02:33,440 Speaker 3: and when I was thinking about social media and our 54 00:02:33,480 --> 00:02:37,320 Speaker 3: relationship to social media, I was like, Uh, it's the fuckingsae, Like, 55 00:02:37,760 --> 00:02:40,280 Speaker 3: we literally can go through that model in all the 56 00:02:40,320 --> 00:02:42,919 Speaker 3: bullet points, which Jody and I did, and I could 57 00:02:42,919 --> 00:02:47,400 Speaker 3: put a checkbox with those behaviors in the same context 58 00:02:47,400 --> 00:02:50,960 Speaker 3: of like social media versus the way that maybe it 59 00:02:50,960 --> 00:02:53,880 Speaker 3: would be in a toxic relationship one hundred percent. 60 00:02:54,720 --> 00:02:56,919 Speaker 2: I'm sitting here thinking like how many times I've had 61 00:02:56,960 --> 00:02:59,280 Speaker 2: my feelings hurt when I see someone's in Nashville in 62 00:02:59,360 --> 00:03:01,320 Speaker 2: it and call me, Or how many times were my 63 00:03:01,320 --> 00:03:04,880 Speaker 2: feelings hurt when like friends did something together that I 64 00:03:04,919 --> 00:03:08,239 Speaker 2: wasn't invited to. How many times have I made up 65 00:03:08,639 --> 00:03:12,440 Speaker 2: a story about like someone I'm dating because I see 66 00:03:12,440 --> 00:03:14,280 Speaker 2: some of they post on social media that makes me 67 00:03:14,320 --> 00:03:17,040 Speaker 2: think that they're lying to me about something or hiding 68 00:03:17,120 --> 00:03:20,519 Speaker 2: something like I'll say it like I have a toxic 69 00:03:20,600 --> 00:03:24,760 Speaker 2: relationship with social media and I'm addicted to it. 70 00:03:25,400 --> 00:03:27,560 Speaker 3: That is what we talked about a lot is just 71 00:03:27,919 --> 00:03:31,360 Speaker 3: basically kind of even the chemical parts of that and 72 00:03:31,480 --> 00:03:35,040 Speaker 3: just the way that they do really focus on making 73 00:03:35,120 --> 00:03:35,720 Speaker 3: us addicted. 74 00:03:35,800 --> 00:03:36,520 Speaker 1: That is the goal. 75 00:03:37,000 --> 00:03:40,320 Speaker 3: Mean the dopamine connection, we really broke down what that means, 76 00:03:40,320 --> 00:03:42,960 Speaker 3: though I didn't understand fully what that was. I thought 77 00:03:43,000 --> 00:03:45,640 Speaker 3: it was just you seeking that certain chemical. But the 78 00:03:45,680 --> 00:03:50,360 Speaker 3: way dopamine works is, according to Jody, was that basically 79 00:03:50,880 --> 00:03:54,040 Speaker 3: it's like we get rewarded for a behavior once. Let's say, like, 80 00:03:54,360 --> 00:03:56,560 Speaker 3: for instance, they use it a lot with alcohol, like 81 00:03:56,720 --> 00:03:59,000 Speaker 3: when you get drunk for your first time, usually it's 82 00:03:59,080 --> 00:04:03,080 Speaker 3: really fun, right, and so you constantly are chasing that 83 00:04:03,360 --> 00:04:06,760 Speaker 3: one time that you had so much fun. But it's 84 00:04:06,760 --> 00:04:09,240 Speaker 3: not always that fun. And when it becomes a problem 85 00:04:09,280 --> 00:04:12,560 Speaker 3: in people's lives is when they're still chasing that one time. 86 00:04:12,600 --> 00:04:16,039 Speaker 3: It was fun at the beginning and it's not fun anymore, 87 00:04:16,040 --> 00:04:18,599 Speaker 3: but they keep doing it anyway. And that's kind of 88 00:04:18,640 --> 00:04:21,200 Speaker 3: the situation we talked about with social media because it's like, 89 00:04:22,040 --> 00:04:24,480 Speaker 3: I'm not sure it's that positive in my life all 90 00:04:24,520 --> 00:04:27,440 Speaker 3: the time. Yet it's something that I do unconsciously and 91 00:04:27,520 --> 00:04:30,600 Speaker 3: so really paying attention to the whys of why we're 92 00:04:30,600 --> 00:04:34,240 Speaker 3: doing it, which again brings me back to my relationship 93 00:04:34,279 --> 00:04:37,279 Speaker 3: with myself. And so you know, when COVID happened, I 94 00:04:37,279 --> 00:04:40,080 Speaker 3: think a lot of us had a life changing moment 95 00:04:40,120 --> 00:04:43,719 Speaker 3: where life was different, social media became different, and really 96 00:04:43,760 --> 00:04:47,120 Speaker 3: asking yourself the question of, like, without that validation from 97 00:04:47,160 --> 00:04:50,320 Speaker 3: all the likes or everything, like building the following and 98 00:04:50,360 --> 00:04:54,480 Speaker 3: all that, who are you? And it goes into basically 99 00:04:54,480 --> 00:04:56,960 Speaker 3: what we want to talk about today, which is how 100 00:04:57,000 --> 00:05:00,360 Speaker 3: important it is to really understand your own So do 101 00:05:00,400 --> 00:05:01,960 Speaker 3: you want to take it over from here? Of how 102 00:05:02,160 --> 00:05:04,719 Speaker 3: you and I transitioned into that's a funny chart. 103 00:05:06,200 --> 00:05:10,760 Speaker 2: Apropos. So it was topic well, you know, like Kelly said, 104 00:05:10,760 --> 00:05:13,320 Speaker 2: we you know, we're always looking for a way to 105 00:05:13,400 --> 00:05:17,120 Speaker 2: sort of make this thing better and feel more connected 106 00:05:17,400 --> 00:05:21,120 Speaker 2: and interesting to the listener. And you know, we've done 107 00:05:21,160 --> 00:05:23,560 Speaker 2: it right, sometimes we've done it wrong. Sometimes we're learning, 108 00:05:23,640 --> 00:05:27,120 Speaker 2: you know. And so our approach right now that we're 109 00:05:27,120 --> 00:05:29,760 Speaker 2: trying is to have the conversation on Friday just be 110 00:05:29,800 --> 00:05:32,920 Speaker 2: an edgier version or related to what she talked about 111 00:05:32,960 --> 00:05:35,760 Speaker 2: with her guest on wedn on Wednesday, So when she 112 00:05:35,839 --> 00:05:37,719 Speaker 2: was telling me what she was doing on Wednesday, I 113 00:05:37,760 --> 00:05:39,640 Speaker 2: haven't had a chance to listen to it yet because 114 00:05:39,680 --> 00:05:42,920 Speaker 2: today's Thursday that we're recording. But it made me think 115 00:05:42,960 --> 00:05:45,359 Speaker 2: of this film that I've been wanting to watch called 116 00:05:45,560 --> 00:05:48,960 Speaker 2: Will and Harper. It's on Netflix, and it's a documentary 117 00:05:49,360 --> 00:05:52,440 Speaker 2: that was directed by my favorite director, Josh Greenbaum, who 118 00:05:52,440 --> 00:05:54,320 Speaker 2: did Barbon Stargutavis mel marv. Oh. 119 00:05:54,400 --> 00:05:56,279 Speaker 1: I didn't realize that, yeah, same director. 120 00:05:56,400 --> 00:06:01,040 Speaker 2: Wow, Okay, And it follows Will Eryl and his best 121 00:06:01,040 --> 00:06:04,640 Speaker 2: friend of thirty years who has transitioned to a female 122 00:06:04,839 --> 00:06:07,960 Speaker 2: and none of Harper. I'm gonna call her her. I 123 00:06:07,960 --> 00:06:11,320 Speaker 2: don't even remember Harper's dead name at this point because 124 00:06:11,320 --> 00:06:15,400 Speaker 2: it's been Harper. And so Harper sends an email out 125 00:06:15,440 --> 00:06:18,120 Speaker 2: to her friends. She was the head writer SNL when 126 00:06:18,400 --> 00:06:21,200 Speaker 2: Will Forte and Kristen wigg and Tina Fey and all 127 00:06:21,240 --> 00:06:23,880 Speaker 2: these people are like, in my opinion, some of the 128 00:06:23,920 --> 00:06:28,480 Speaker 2: best era of SML were the stars and just sends 129 00:06:28,480 --> 00:06:31,480 Speaker 2: out this email being like, Hey, this is what's going 130 00:06:31,520 --> 00:06:33,760 Speaker 2: on in my life. I hope that we can still 131 00:06:33,800 --> 00:06:38,440 Speaker 2: be friends. And just waited, and Will responded really quickly 132 00:06:38,480 --> 00:06:40,839 Speaker 2: and said, I don't really know how to respond right now, 133 00:06:40,880 --> 00:06:42,159 Speaker 2: but I want you to know that I got this 134 00:06:42,240 --> 00:06:45,400 Speaker 2: and that I love you, and then proposed the idea, 135 00:06:45,480 --> 00:06:48,120 Speaker 2: why don't we do a cross country road trip because 136 00:06:48,160 --> 00:06:52,280 Speaker 2: Harper loved to drive across country by herself before she transitioned, 137 00:06:52,760 --> 00:06:55,920 Speaker 2: and just get to know each other again. And we're 138 00:06:55,960 --> 00:06:58,159 Speaker 2: not going to take this podcast in a political direction, 139 00:06:58,200 --> 00:07:00,200 Speaker 2: because yes, the film is to open our eyes to 140 00:07:00,279 --> 00:07:04,120 Speaker 2: trans writes, but I think at its core, it's less 141 00:07:04,120 --> 00:07:09,440 Speaker 2: about transitioning, and it's more about finding yourself, and in 142 00:07:09,600 --> 00:07:13,040 Speaker 2: finding yourself, it's also finding where you sit with the 143 00:07:13,080 --> 00:07:15,560 Speaker 2: people that you love and the people that you care about. 144 00:07:15,880 --> 00:07:18,920 Speaker 2: To me, watching this film, it was so much less 145 00:07:18,960 --> 00:07:21,360 Speaker 2: about Harper than I expected to be, and so much 146 00:07:21,360 --> 00:07:25,840 Speaker 2: more about Will feral sense. And I mean, I'm sitting 147 00:07:25,880 --> 00:07:28,760 Speaker 2: here in the Grand Lobby bar balling my eyes out 148 00:07:28,800 --> 00:07:33,640 Speaker 2: because it is so moving and I identify as other, 149 00:07:33,880 --> 00:07:37,320 Speaker 2: you know, like I grew up feeling other. I always 150 00:07:37,360 --> 00:07:39,880 Speaker 2: felt loved, I always felt like I was a popular 151 00:07:39,960 --> 00:07:42,040 Speaker 2: kid in school, but I felt other. So I could 152 00:07:42,120 --> 00:07:46,480 Speaker 2: really relate to this story. And I don't think that necessarily, 153 00:07:47,120 --> 00:07:51,960 Speaker 2: you don't have to be homosexual, lesbian, trans you don't 154 00:07:51,960 --> 00:07:54,080 Speaker 2: have to be any of those things. You have to 155 00:07:54,080 --> 00:07:58,240 Speaker 2: be human to feel other because we are taught to 156 00:07:58,280 --> 00:08:01,680 Speaker 2: be scared of differences in our world, whether it's race 157 00:08:01,880 --> 00:08:03,840 Speaker 2: or religions, money. 158 00:08:04,000 --> 00:08:06,120 Speaker 1: For me, money, simple stuff like. 159 00:08:06,080 --> 00:08:08,840 Speaker 2: That, the side of the tracks you live on, you know, 160 00:08:09,040 --> 00:08:12,720 Speaker 2: anything where you went to college. We're always meant to 161 00:08:12,760 --> 00:08:15,600 Speaker 2: feel other because we are, like, we're tribal people. We 162 00:08:15,640 --> 00:08:18,360 Speaker 2: want to be part of a tribe. So as much 163 00:08:18,400 --> 00:08:21,560 Speaker 2: as we are made to feel other, we are also 164 00:08:22,280 --> 00:08:24,400 Speaker 2: we have this craving to fit in. I mean that 165 00:08:24,600 --> 00:08:27,840 Speaker 2: right there is the human existence in a nutshell, and 166 00:08:28,000 --> 00:08:30,320 Speaker 2: I think we spent our whole lives trying to get 167 00:08:30,360 --> 00:08:33,120 Speaker 2: to the core of who we are. And that's really 168 00:08:33,160 --> 00:08:35,280 Speaker 2: what's at the center of this film. And it's like 169 00:08:35,360 --> 00:08:37,920 Speaker 2: so moving and touching, and yeah, I wanted to just 170 00:08:37,920 --> 00:08:40,400 Speaker 2: talk about that today. Is like, what is the best 171 00:08:40,440 --> 00:08:43,440 Speaker 2: way to sort of zero in on your identity and 172 00:08:43,520 --> 00:08:46,280 Speaker 2: love yourself le you truly fall in love with yourself? 173 00:08:46,840 --> 00:08:50,079 Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean I really thought your pitch about that 174 00:08:50,200 --> 00:08:52,440 Speaker 3: part of the movie in general, I was like, Oh, 175 00:08:52,440 --> 00:08:55,120 Speaker 3: that's such a topical thing because obviously that's what I 176 00:08:55,120 --> 00:08:57,160 Speaker 3: talked about a little bit on Wednesday. But as I 177 00:08:57,240 --> 00:09:01,360 Speaker 3: was watching the movie, the first thing that that Harper 178 00:09:01,760 --> 00:09:06,120 Speaker 3: says is the biggest thing that she was fearful about 179 00:09:06,200 --> 00:09:09,040 Speaker 3: coming out in general, was that people won't love her. 180 00:09:09,400 --> 00:09:11,600 Speaker 3: And to me, it's just like what you're saying, I'm like, 181 00:09:11,679 --> 00:09:14,000 Speaker 3: you don't have to be in a place where you're 182 00:09:14,000 --> 00:09:18,240 Speaker 3: transitioning gender wise, or you're homosexual or anything like that 183 00:09:18,280 --> 00:09:21,120 Speaker 3: to feel that thing. Like, I think that there's so 184 00:09:21,360 --> 00:09:24,800 Speaker 3: much that drives us in this world to just want 185 00:09:24,840 --> 00:09:28,440 Speaker 3: to fit in so that we have this false sense 186 00:09:28,480 --> 00:09:30,080 Speaker 3: of security that we are loved. 187 00:09:30,440 --> 00:09:31,480 Speaker 1: And it really. 188 00:09:31,240 --> 00:09:33,800 Speaker 3: Ties into the social media piece in such a big 189 00:09:33,840 --> 00:09:36,760 Speaker 3: way because we paid these pictures of our lives that 190 00:09:36,800 --> 00:09:39,680 Speaker 3: make it look a certain way to then be accepted 191 00:09:39,720 --> 00:09:42,560 Speaker 3: by people or to be looked at as like she 192 00:09:42,679 --> 00:09:45,240 Speaker 3: has it all together. But isn't that ultimately just our 193 00:09:45,320 --> 00:09:48,240 Speaker 3: need to feel connected, validated and. 194 00:09:48,200 --> 00:10:01,400 Speaker 2: Loved under perces. I do think after I watched this 195 00:10:01,480 --> 00:10:03,360 Speaker 2: film and I was sort of reflecting on my own 196 00:10:03,440 --> 00:10:07,360 Speaker 2: journey on social media, it's like, and you know, if 197 00:10:07,360 --> 00:10:09,760 Speaker 2: you look at my social media, it is far from perfect. 198 00:10:09,880 --> 00:10:13,240 Speaker 2: Like I'm also terrible about posting. But I understand the 199 00:10:13,360 --> 00:10:16,800 Speaker 2: idea of like wanting to present perfection on social media 200 00:10:17,000 --> 00:10:19,719 Speaker 2: because I can I consume that all day. I was 201 00:10:19,760 --> 00:10:23,400 Speaker 2: like wow, in presenting perfection, it's such a loss of 202 00:10:23,480 --> 00:10:28,000 Speaker 2: self because you're denying so many truths about what your 203 00:10:28,080 --> 00:10:31,640 Speaker 2: true existence is. You know, you're you're putting all of 204 00:10:31,679 --> 00:10:33,720 Speaker 2: these things out that you want people to think is 205 00:10:33,760 --> 00:10:36,480 Speaker 2: your existence, and you're making them public. 206 00:10:36,960 --> 00:10:41,400 Speaker 3: You're almost what You're exposing certain parts and under exposing others. 207 00:10:41,040 --> 00:10:45,440 Speaker 2: Right, and so you are reiterating it to yourself that 208 00:10:46,280 --> 00:10:51,360 Speaker 2: you are unworthy because it takes zero bravery to put 209 00:10:51,400 --> 00:10:54,480 Speaker 2: something up that that is tricking people. It takes a 210 00:10:54,520 --> 00:10:57,280 Speaker 2: lot of bravery to tell the truth, especially when the 211 00:10:57,320 --> 00:10:59,760 Speaker 2: truth doesn't feel safe in the moment. But I think 212 00:10:59,800 --> 00:11:02,880 Speaker 2: in order to really get to know yourself and to 213 00:11:02,960 --> 00:11:04,920 Speaker 2: let those who love you and care about you know, 214 00:11:05,120 --> 00:11:06,640 Speaker 2: they have to know the truth about you. 215 00:11:07,320 --> 00:11:09,600 Speaker 3: Yeah, it was interesting because another thing in the film, 216 00:11:09,760 --> 00:11:11,640 Speaker 3: and we're gonna try not to give it all the way. 217 00:11:11,679 --> 00:11:14,160 Speaker 3: I do highly recommend going to watch this regardless of 218 00:11:14,200 --> 00:11:18,120 Speaker 3: your feelings about transgender situations, Like it really isn't about that, 219 00:11:18,200 --> 00:11:20,959 Speaker 3: like you said, Chip, Like it's two friends, learning how 220 00:11:20,960 --> 00:11:26,600 Speaker 3: to navigate life changes, which even regardless of how things happen, 221 00:11:26,640 --> 00:11:30,000 Speaker 3: like people go through divorces, we all age and things change, 222 00:11:30,080 --> 00:11:33,960 Speaker 3: you evolve, like it can be put into different circumstances, 223 00:11:34,000 --> 00:11:36,360 Speaker 3: like especially if that's not something you agree with or whatever. 224 00:11:36,520 --> 00:11:39,240 Speaker 3: Like it's just a great film, but I thought it 225 00:11:39,280 --> 00:11:41,120 Speaker 3: was interesting. In the film, they talk a little bit. 226 00:11:41,160 --> 00:11:44,760 Speaker 3: Harper talks about going to therapy and when she was 227 00:11:44,800 --> 00:11:47,720 Speaker 3: going to therapy as Andrew, she was basically going to 228 00:11:47,760 --> 00:11:50,560 Speaker 3: be like fix me, like why do I feel this way? 229 00:11:51,040 --> 00:11:53,480 Speaker 3: When she realized that not every man felt that way, 230 00:11:53,520 --> 00:11:56,120 Speaker 3: Like she said she'd spent most of her life feeling like, oh, 231 00:11:56,160 --> 00:11:58,640 Speaker 3: all men feel this way, and then she realized she didn't, 232 00:11:58,640 --> 00:12:01,080 Speaker 3: And so she goes to therapy and she's like, okay, 233 00:12:01,160 --> 00:12:03,320 Speaker 3: like how do I not be this way? And I 234 00:12:03,360 --> 00:12:04,920 Speaker 3: thought about that, and I was like, isn't that an 235 00:12:04,960 --> 00:12:07,400 Speaker 3: interesting perspective because I think a lot of us do that. 236 00:12:07,480 --> 00:12:07,640 Speaker 2: Right. 237 00:12:07,720 --> 00:12:10,240 Speaker 3: You go to therapy thinking something in you is broken, 238 00:12:10,600 --> 00:12:14,720 Speaker 3: and oftentimes there are pieces that are like suffering or 239 00:12:14,720 --> 00:12:18,160 Speaker 3: we're struggling. But really, like what therapy, if you have 240 00:12:18,200 --> 00:12:22,400 Speaker 3: a really good therapist, does is it really reconnects you 241 00:12:22,480 --> 00:12:26,200 Speaker 3: to your own authenticity and who you really are, right, 242 00:12:26,400 --> 00:12:30,000 Speaker 3: helps you get an acceptance with that regardless of what 243 00:12:30,480 --> 00:12:33,600 Speaker 3: your life is, what your people around you say. Like 244 00:12:33,760 --> 00:12:37,520 Speaker 3: setting boundaries, for instance, that is a step of learning 245 00:12:37,520 --> 00:12:41,160 Speaker 3: to accept your own needs and setting them regardless of 246 00:12:41,240 --> 00:12:44,800 Speaker 3: how someone else reacts, like standing up for yourself stating 247 00:12:44,800 --> 00:12:48,360 Speaker 3: your needs and asking for those to be met, or 248 00:12:48,800 --> 00:12:51,839 Speaker 3: setting boundaries around things that you don't want to happen 249 00:12:51,920 --> 00:12:54,200 Speaker 3: or whatever. And a lot of times people don't react 250 00:12:54,280 --> 00:12:56,560 Speaker 3: positively to that. But what therapy can help us do 251 00:12:56,760 --> 00:12:59,559 Speaker 3: is like get in enough acceptance with our own selves 252 00:13:00,240 --> 00:13:01,880 Speaker 3: to be able to do things like that. And so, 253 00:13:02,040 --> 00:13:04,320 Speaker 3: like something you said made me think, yeah, like we're 254 00:13:04,360 --> 00:13:08,040 Speaker 3: constantly telling ourselves these messages of like either I'm not 255 00:13:08,280 --> 00:13:12,560 Speaker 3: enough or these pieces of me need to be hidden 256 00:13:12,559 --> 00:13:15,920 Speaker 3: in the dark and like put away and stuffed down 257 00:13:16,400 --> 00:13:18,560 Speaker 3: and all of that stuff, And in reality, if we 258 00:13:18,559 --> 00:13:22,480 Speaker 3: can learn to like incorporate them all or I don't 259 00:13:22,480 --> 00:13:25,480 Speaker 3: remember the word, but where you're just really intertwining every 260 00:13:25,559 --> 00:13:28,559 Speaker 3: single piece of you together and accepting all of it. 261 00:13:28,640 --> 00:13:30,480 Speaker 1: Like some days I am a. 262 00:13:30,400 --> 00:13:34,160 Speaker 3: Super spiritual person and super giving and kind and loving, 263 00:13:34,440 --> 00:13:37,240 Speaker 3: and some days like I'm fucking grouchy and angry and 264 00:13:37,280 --> 00:13:39,520 Speaker 3: I want to catch about shit. And it's like all 265 00:13:39,559 --> 00:13:41,440 Speaker 3: of those are pieces of me, and neither one of 266 00:13:41,480 --> 00:13:42,600 Speaker 3: them canceled the other one out. 267 00:13:42,920 --> 00:13:45,520 Speaker 2: Well, yeah, and none of them are the whole you. 268 00:13:45,520 --> 00:13:47,600 Speaker 1: You know, we're all complex. 269 00:13:47,960 --> 00:13:52,000 Speaker 2: We're incredibly complex. And obviously this film is about someone 270 00:13:52,040 --> 00:13:57,000 Speaker 2: transitioning their gender, but as humans, we live in a 271 00:13:57,040 --> 00:14:00,280 Speaker 2: constant state of transition. We change, it's a different word 272 00:14:00,320 --> 00:14:04,079 Speaker 2: for change, and you know, we should be changing and 273 00:14:04,200 --> 00:14:07,760 Speaker 2: growing and developing every day. It's what makes that's what's 274 00:14:07,800 --> 00:14:10,640 Speaker 2: beautiful about life, Like life would be so fucking boring 275 00:14:10,720 --> 00:14:13,120 Speaker 2: if we didn't. But you know, I also think it's 276 00:14:13,160 --> 00:14:16,040 Speaker 2: really scary. Like you said something earlier about how Harper 277 00:14:16,080 --> 00:14:18,559 Speaker 2: said one of her greatest feels is that people wouldn't 278 00:14:18,559 --> 00:14:20,840 Speaker 2: love her, you know, Like I think about some of 279 00:14:20,880 --> 00:14:23,400 Speaker 2: the risks that I've taken in my life that you know, 280 00:14:23,520 --> 00:14:27,600 Speaker 2: aren't nearly as brave as what Harper did, like just moving. 281 00:14:27,960 --> 00:14:30,120 Speaker 2: You know, when I decided to leave Los Angeles and 282 00:14:30,120 --> 00:14:33,000 Speaker 2: come to Nashville, like that was scary for me, But 283 00:14:33,040 --> 00:14:35,400 Speaker 2: I also was really worried that my friends in Los 284 00:14:35,400 --> 00:14:37,320 Speaker 2: Angeles were going to be mad at me for leaving 285 00:14:37,360 --> 00:14:41,800 Speaker 2: them and that those friendships would dissolve just from distance 286 00:14:41,840 --> 00:14:45,080 Speaker 2: in life and all the things. And the truth is 287 00:14:45,080 --> 00:14:47,480 Speaker 2: is when I see those friends, it's like zero time 288 00:14:47,520 --> 00:14:51,040 Speaker 2: has passed. I have to water those relationships, you know, 289 00:14:51,160 --> 00:14:53,880 Speaker 2: it's not you know, I have to put into them. 290 00:14:54,400 --> 00:14:57,400 Speaker 2: But at the same time, like I think the sorrow 291 00:14:57,520 --> 00:15:01,560 Speaker 2: from change comes more not from someone being sad about 292 00:15:01,560 --> 00:15:04,840 Speaker 2: what you decided to do, but more that they realized 293 00:15:04,880 --> 00:15:06,880 Speaker 2: that you weren't happy doing the things that you were 294 00:15:06,920 --> 00:15:10,000 Speaker 2: doing and that you needed this change in order to 295 00:15:10,000 --> 00:15:13,040 Speaker 2: seek your own happiness. And that was something that like 296 00:15:13,160 --> 00:15:16,080 Speaker 2: even Will noticed in this film. He was just like, 297 00:15:16,520 --> 00:15:19,520 Speaker 2: I'm not sad that you're a woman now, I'm sad 298 00:15:19,520 --> 00:15:21,320 Speaker 2: that you didn't get to be a woman for the 299 00:15:21,360 --> 00:15:24,000 Speaker 2: thirty years that we've known each other, that you were 300 00:15:24,040 --> 00:15:29,680 Speaker 2: carrying around this secret and our friendship wasn't whole because 301 00:15:29,720 --> 00:15:32,080 Speaker 2: of that. I think we have to give space for 302 00:15:32,160 --> 00:15:35,680 Speaker 2: people to, you know, sort of walk in our sorrow 303 00:15:35,760 --> 00:15:37,720 Speaker 2: with us. And that's a really hard thing to do 304 00:15:37,760 --> 00:15:40,640 Speaker 2: because we want to present us perfect. 305 00:15:40,080 --> 00:15:42,560 Speaker 3: Right and it's like uncomfortable to have to sit in 306 00:15:42,600 --> 00:15:45,200 Speaker 3: the hard emotions too. Like I mean, you're a seven 307 00:15:45,240 --> 00:15:47,080 Speaker 3: on the enneagram you know better than anybody. You're like, 308 00:15:47,120 --> 00:15:49,360 Speaker 3: let's get through this, let's only focus on the popet please. 309 00:15:49,440 --> 00:15:52,800 Speaker 3: Very fun, Yes, And I think for all of us 310 00:15:52,800 --> 00:15:55,880 Speaker 3: it's a little bit difficult to just embrace a moment 311 00:15:56,040 --> 00:15:59,040 Speaker 3: of sadness of change. And like with changell often there 312 00:15:59,160 --> 00:16:01,680 Speaker 3: is grief that comes with it. It doesn't necessarily mean 313 00:16:01,720 --> 00:16:05,040 Speaker 3: it's like a bad thing or anything like that. It's 314 00:16:05,160 --> 00:16:07,920 Speaker 3: just like, oh, these are changes, and like love the 315 00:16:07,960 --> 00:16:11,240 Speaker 3: comparison are the example of your friends back in LA 316 00:16:11,400 --> 00:16:15,520 Speaker 3: because that is adult life, right. We all grow and 317 00:16:15,560 --> 00:16:17,920 Speaker 3: we change, and people get married and people have kids, 318 00:16:17,920 --> 00:16:21,040 Speaker 3: and so if you can grow with people, your relationship 319 00:16:21,080 --> 00:16:23,160 Speaker 3: can blossom and you can like start getting to know 320 00:16:23,200 --> 00:16:24,960 Speaker 3: a new version of them as they get to know 321 00:16:25,080 --> 00:16:27,080 Speaker 3: a new version of them themselves. 322 00:16:27,520 --> 00:16:27,720 Speaker 2: Right. 323 00:16:28,040 --> 00:16:29,800 Speaker 3: But I think we have to allow for that, and 324 00:16:29,880 --> 00:16:31,920 Speaker 3: it is uncomfortable, and I don't think. 325 00:16:31,720 --> 00:16:43,840 Speaker 1: That we really talk about that very often, not. 326 00:16:43,760 --> 00:16:45,440 Speaker 2: To keep bringing it back to the film, but it's 327 00:16:45,480 --> 00:16:48,440 Speaker 2: so fresh and there's so many just great examples. Okay, 328 00:16:48,480 --> 00:16:51,040 Speaker 2: so it's a cross country trip they go to. They're 329 00:16:51,080 --> 00:16:55,160 Speaker 2: in like plum Tucky, Oklahoma, and Harper says, hey, when 330 00:16:55,160 --> 00:16:57,600 Speaker 2: I used to drive across country by myself. I used 331 00:16:57,600 --> 00:17:00,000 Speaker 2: to go into you know, these dive bars by myself 332 00:17:00,080 --> 00:17:03,240 Speaker 2: often have a great time, and but this is very different. 333 00:17:03,280 --> 00:17:05,400 Speaker 2: It's kind of scary for me now. But I feel 334 00:17:05,440 --> 00:17:07,040 Speaker 2: like I need to just like rip off the band 335 00:17:07,080 --> 00:17:08,720 Speaker 2: aid and go. And Will was like, okay, let's go, 336 00:17:08,760 --> 00:17:11,120 Speaker 2: and she's like, no, I want you to wait outside 337 00:17:11,200 --> 00:17:13,960 Speaker 2: because I need to go in by myself without the 338 00:17:14,040 --> 00:17:16,640 Speaker 2: security blanket. She's like, I want you on speed dial 339 00:17:16,640 --> 00:17:19,359 Speaker 2: in case something goes self, because she's like, I'm going 340 00:17:19,400 --> 00:17:21,440 Speaker 2: to have to experience this by myself at some point. Anyway, 341 00:17:21,480 --> 00:17:23,200 Speaker 2: some as well just do it that well, and people. 342 00:17:22,960 --> 00:17:25,800 Speaker 3: Would automatically be nice to her if Will Ferrell standing 343 00:17:25,840 --> 00:17:27,959 Speaker 3: next to her one hundred per suit do that. And 344 00:17:28,000 --> 00:17:30,160 Speaker 3: she was like, I'm going to be doing this by myself. 345 00:17:30,200 --> 00:17:33,080 Speaker 3: I need to start, you know, dipping my toe in now, right. 346 00:17:33,480 --> 00:17:35,160 Speaker 2: So she goes in and then you know, you see 347 00:17:35,200 --> 00:17:37,879 Speaker 2: signs of like, you know, fuck Joe Biden signs, and 348 00:17:38,080 --> 00:17:40,879 Speaker 2: there's like Confederate flags, like it is not what feels 349 00:17:40,920 --> 00:17:43,080 Speaker 2: like a safe place for a trans woman. And when 350 00:17:43,119 --> 00:17:45,199 Speaker 2: I tell you she looks like a trans woman, you know, 351 00:17:45,320 --> 00:17:48,199 Speaker 2: like she she has there's been no surgeries that aside 352 00:17:48,200 --> 00:17:51,960 Speaker 2: from breast augmentation. And it's awkward for a while, and 353 00:17:52,359 --> 00:17:54,760 Speaker 2: you know, I put myself in her shoes, and even 354 00:17:54,760 --> 00:17:57,080 Speaker 2: when I'm like, go to dinner with a friend and 355 00:17:57,119 --> 00:17:59,359 Speaker 2: I'm the first one there, it's awkward to be in 356 00:17:59,400 --> 00:18:02,320 Speaker 2: a restaurant by yourself. You know, you're alone, you feel 357 00:18:02,320 --> 00:18:05,280 Speaker 2: like eyes are on you. And then ultimately she just 358 00:18:05,320 --> 00:18:08,360 Speaker 2: introduces herself to some woman and they strike up a friendship, 359 00:18:08,400 --> 00:18:11,919 Speaker 2: and that woman introduces herself to other people and the 360 00:18:12,040 --> 00:18:14,440 Speaker 2: tensions ease and it's just like, oh wow, we're just 361 00:18:14,520 --> 00:18:17,080 Speaker 2: humans connecting. And then she calls in Will and then 362 00:18:17,320 --> 00:18:19,960 Speaker 2: you know everything is fine. But there was this moment 363 00:18:20,000 --> 00:18:24,280 Speaker 2: afterwards where they're leaving and Will says, are you happy? 364 00:18:24,720 --> 00:18:29,600 Speaker 2: And Harper says, yes, I'm very happy, and then she says, 365 00:18:29,680 --> 00:18:32,280 Speaker 2: I'm a little bit in shock that it's and it's 366 00:18:32,320 --> 00:18:35,199 Speaker 2: not on them, that's on me. I'm not really afraid 367 00:18:35,240 --> 00:18:39,879 Speaker 2: of these people. I'm afraid of hating myself. And I'm like, 368 00:18:40,920 --> 00:18:44,480 Speaker 2: I'm like, you're a freak. What are you doing here? 369 00:18:45,000 --> 00:18:49,560 Speaker 2: That is sitting underneath it all? And I just burst 370 00:18:49,560 --> 00:18:53,359 Speaker 2: into his ears because you know, obviously her situation is 371 00:18:53,359 --> 00:18:56,000 Speaker 2: different than mine, but haven't don't you remember that feeling 372 00:18:56,119 --> 00:19:01,520 Speaker 2: like we all have felt other and that just the 373 00:19:01,680 --> 00:19:05,520 Speaker 2: power of going in and learning to love who you 374 00:19:05,560 --> 00:19:10,040 Speaker 2: are and embracing your identity at its core is so 375 00:19:10,440 --> 00:19:15,600 Speaker 2: incredibly moving and important, and that moment just like was 376 00:19:15,680 --> 00:19:17,119 Speaker 2: it for me? Yeah? 377 00:19:17,160 --> 00:19:19,080 Speaker 3: Well, I mean, I'm love that you brought that up 378 00:19:19,119 --> 00:19:21,879 Speaker 3: because I also wrote that moment down. I thought it 379 00:19:21,920 --> 00:19:25,800 Speaker 3: was the point she said about it's really about hating myself, 380 00:19:26,000 --> 00:19:28,639 Speaker 3: Like that piece. It kind of brings me back to 381 00:19:28,680 --> 00:19:30,960 Speaker 3: what we were saying at the beginning of this podcast, like, 382 00:19:31,280 --> 00:19:34,600 Speaker 3: doesn't really matter what you think about transgender things, because 383 00:19:35,160 --> 00:19:37,200 Speaker 3: this movie, to me, wasn't about that because I think 384 00:19:37,240 --> 00:19:39,080 Speaker 3: as humans, and we talked a little bit about this 385 00:19:39,160 --> 00:19:41,840 Speaker 3: last week, like the connected piece. We're all so connected 386 00:19:41,920 --> 00:19:45,480 Speaker 3: and so even though the actual things happening in our 387 00:19:45,480 --> 00:19:49,040 Speaker 3: life are different, oftentimes once you start talking about them 388 00:19:49,040 --> 00:19:51,520 Speaker 3: out loud or you're telling your story to someone, they 389 00:19:51,520 --> 00:19:54,120 Speaker 3: can relate to it because it resonates with some other 390 00:19:54,160 --> 00:19:57,040 Speaker 3: piece of their story. Like r I obviously am not 391 00:19:57,160 --> 00:19:59,639 Speaker 3: a transgendered person, and so I don't know what that 392 00:20:00,040 --> 00:20:00,560 Speaker 3: erience is like. 393 00:20:00,840 --> 00:20:02,480 Speaker 1: But when I heard that moment. 394 00:20:02,240 --> 00:20:04,960 Speaker 3: What I thought for myself was that is how I 395 00:20:05,040 --> 00:20:07,359 Speaker 3: used to talk to myself about being a single woman 396 00:20:07,840 --> 00:20:11,240 Speaker 3: in my late thirties and early forties. Yeah, that's programming, right, 397 00:20:11,280 --> 00:20:13,640 Speaker 3: That's like a thing that is beaten into women from 398 00:20:13,760 --> 00:20:17,960 Speaker 3: day one of our life is you are only successful 399 00:20:18,080 --> 00:20:20,840 Speaker 3: if you get especially in the South, by being in 400 00:20:20,880 --> 00:20:24,919 Speaker 3: a relationship. And then also the children piece. And I 401 00:20:24,960 --> 00:20:28,560 Speaker 3: haven't had success in that department with kids, and physically 402 00:20:28,560 --> 00:20:30,520 Speaker 3: that might not be you know, something I can do. 403 00:20:31,480 --> 00:20:33,560 Speaker 3: That came with a lot of shame and grief. But 404 00:20:33,600 --> 00:20:38,119 Speaker 3: then also like the relationship piece, and it's so to 405 00:20:38,200 --> 00:20:40,600 Speaker 3: the point of what we're saying, like the only piece 406 00:20:40,680 --> 00:20:42,919 Speaker 3: that I've ever been able to find about that, Like 407 00:20:43,000 --> 00:20:47,119 Speaker 3: I used to seek external narratives, like I used to 408 00:20:47,280 --> 00:20:49,840 Speaker 3: seek either being mad at the system and you know, 409 00:20:49,960 --> 00:20:51,520 Speaker 3: kind of being like I'm going to be a boss 410 00:20:51,560 --> 00:20:54,119 Speaker 3: bitch and I don't need a man, and you know, 411 00:20:54,200 --> 00:20:56,760 Speaker 3: being mad at men almost became the way that I 412 00:20:56,840 --> 00:20:59,639 Speaker 3: coped with it. Or the other thing I used to 413 00:20:59,640 --> 00:21:02,480 Speaker 3: do is like stay in a toxic relationship too long 414 00:21:02,680 --> 00:21:04,360 Speaker 3: so that on the outside it looked like. 415 00:21:04,359 --> 00:21:05,480 Speaker 1: I was doing it right. 416 00:21:05,960 --> 00:21:06,680 Speaker 2: You know what I mean. 417 00:21:06,960 --> 00:21:10,040 Speaker 3: All of it involves abandoning myself and not being okay 418 00:21:10,040 --> 00:21:12,560 Speaker 3: with myself. And so the only thing that's actually brought 419 00:21:12,600 --> 00:21:17,679 Speaker 3: me peace is accepting that that narrative and that timeline 420 00:21:17,680 --> 00:21:20,240 Speaker 3: and all that stuff like that was something that was 421 00:21:20,320 --> 00:21:22,520 Speaker 3: made up first of all, is what I think, but 422 00:21:22,600 --> 00:21:26,680 Speaker 3: also like it's not really true. I'm not not successful 423 00:21:26,720 --> 00:21:29,640 Speaker 3: in my life or a fucked up human because I 424 00:21:29,680 --> 00:21:32,959 Speaker 3: have not gotten married, Like my journey has looked different. 425 00:21:32,960 --> 00:21:34,960 Speaker 3: And I'm very proud of some of the choices that 426 00:21:35,000 --> 00:21:38,719 Speaker 3: I've made in relationship to not be in that situation 427 00:21:38,800 --> 00:21:40,720 Speaker 3: because it wouldn't have been a healthy choice for. 428 00:21:40,720 --> 00:21:44,840 Speaker 2: Me, right, I mean, you could be buried, you can help, 429 00:21:44,880 --> 00:21:46,840 Speaker 2: but it would not have been good. Ye. 430 00:21:47,640 --> 00:21:51,280 Speaker 3: And so I have really found peace in accepting those 431 00:21:51,320 --> 00:21:54,320 Speaker 3: pieces of myself and going, oh wait, the fact that 432 00:21:54,359 --> 00:21:57,600 Speaker 3: I was brave enough to walk away from certain situations 433 00:21:57,880 --> 00:21:59,919 Speaker 3: is something I should feel proud of, not ashamed of, 434 00:22:00,440 --> 00:22:03,720 Speaker 3: Like really looking at myself through a different lens, And 435 00:22:03,760 --> 00:22:05,560 Speaker 3: it kind of goes back to what we're saying of 436 00:22:05,600 --> 00:22:08,400 Speaker 3: like all those pieces that I used to look at 437 00:22:08,440 --> 00:22:11,800 Speaker 3: as broken and I hated about myself are actually really 438 00:22:11,880 --> 00:22:15,000 Speaker 3: beautiful things when I could really look at what they 439 00:22:15,040 --> 00:22:17,600 Speaker 3: were but we're so full of shame and we're so 440 00:22:17,760 --> 00:22:20,879 Speaker 3: used to like wanting our life to look the same 441 00:22:20,920 --> 00:22:23,359 Speaker 3: as other people so that we don't have the chance 442 00:22:23,800 --> 00:22:25,920 Speaker 3: of being abandoned and not being loved. 443 00:22:26,800 --> 00:22:29,360 Speaker 2: Right, I want to go back to just like finding 444 00:22:29,400 --> 00:22:34,520 Speaker 2: your identity real quick, because it sounds like something that 445 00:22:35,119 --> 00:22:39,600 Speaker 2: is really easy to do or really hard to do. 446 00:22:39,960 --> 00:22:42,399 Speaker 2: But I think it's a really great thing because a 447 00:22:42,800 --> 00:22:45,119 Speaker 2: it's a lifelong sort of thing, you know, because we 448 00:22:45,160 --> 00:22:48,360 Speaker 2: all we evolve, our interest change or whatever. I did 449 00:22:48,359 --> 00:22:49,640 Speaker 2: some reading and it was like one of the things 450 00:22:49,680 --> 00:22:53,040 Speaker 2: that popped out was like our identity blooms like a flower. 451 00:22:53,440 --> 00:22:55,520 Speaker 2: You have to have patience, you have to have a 452 00:22:55,560 --> 00:22:59,320 Speaker 2: prickly defense, you have to have fortitude, and you have 453 00:22:59,400 --> 00:23:02,000 Speaker 2: to like give it time and attention. So I want 454 00:23:02,000 --> 00:23:05,760 Speaker 2: to just walk through, like there's seven steps that I've 455 00:23:05,800 --> 00:23:09,560 Speaker 2: found that you can take to sort of explore and 456 00:23:09,600 --> 00:23:11,600 Speaker 2: discover your true identity. So I just want to read 457 00:23:11,600 --> 00:23:14,480 Speaker 2: through these. One is self reflection. Take the time to 458 00:23:14,520 --> 00:23:17,800 Speaker 2: reflect on your thoughts, feelings, belief and values. Ask yourself 459 00:23:17,800 --> 00:23:20,879 Speaker 2: meaning questions, meaningful questions about who you are, what matters 460 00:23:20,920 --> 00:23:23,679 Speaker 2: to you, and what brings you joy and fulfillment, consider 461 00:23:23,720 --> 00:23:28,200 Speaker 2: your strengths, passions, and aspirations. So, you know, I love 462 00:23:28,280 --> 00:23:31,280 Speaker 2: that that's the first one because it's a conversation with 463 00:23:31,359 --> 00:23:34,879 Speaker 2: yourself totally. Your identity is not based on anything but 464 00:23:34,920 --> 00:23:37,720 Speaker 2: what's on the inside of you, and so in order 465 00:23:37,760 --> 00:23:39,879 Speaker 2: for you to get in touch with that, you really 466 00:23:39,960 --> 00:23:43,840 Speaker 2: have to sit with yourself and have those conversations. Explore 467 00:23:43,880 --> 00:23:46,960 Speaker 2: your interest, Engage in activities, hobbies, and experiences that resonate 468 00:23:46,960 --> 00:23:49,840 Speaker 2: with you. Try new things to help you uncover hidden 469 00:23:49,880 --> 00:23:52,719 Speaker 2: passions and talents and that give you a sense of 470 00:23:52,720 --> 00:23:56,280 Speaker 2: what truly resonates with your authentic self. Again, you know, 471 00:23:56,400 --> 00:23:58,520 Speaker 2: you have to put yourself out there. You have to 472 00:23:58,560 --> 00:24:01,359 Speaker 2: try things. We're not going to be everything, you know, 473 00:24:01,440 --> 00:24:03,560 Speaker 2: we're probably not going to be good at most things, right, 474 00:24:03,960 --> 00:24:07,200 Speaker 2: But when you do find something that connects, go for it. 475 00:24:07,280 --> 00:24:09,800 Speaker 2: You know, don't be ashamed of it, because at the 476 00:24:09,880 --> 00:24:13,320 Speaker 2: end of the day, you're watering your own flower. Embrace 477 00:24:13,359 --> 00:24:16,920 Speaker 2: your uniqueness. Recognize that your true identity is unique and individual. 478 00:24:16,920 --> 00:24:20,240 Speaker 2: Embrace your quirks, your strengths, your weaknesses. Appreciate the qualities 479 00:24:20,240 --> 00:24:21,480 Speaker 2: that make you who you are. 480 00:24:22,080 --> 00:24:24,560 Speaker 3: I love that one. That's been one I've really tried 481 00:24:24,600 --> 00:24:28,159 Speaker 3: to lean into last year. It's harder than you would think, 482 00:24:28,359 --> 00:24:32,359 Speaker 3: but accepting our differences and like just looking at the 483 00:24:32,400 --> 00:24:34,640 Speaker 3: things just like what I was just saying, like I'm 484 00:24:34,640 --> 00:24:37,280 Speaker 3: a highly sensitive person or something like, not looking at 485 00:24:37,320 --> 00:24:39,760 Speaker 3: that as a weakness and really finding the benefits of 486 00:24:39,880 --> 00:24:41,280 Speaker 3: like how does that help me? 487 00:24:41,320 --> 00:24:41,480 Speaker 2: Oh? 488 00:24:41,480 --> 00:24:42,240 Speaker 1: That helps me a lot? 489 00:24:42,240 --> 00:24:44,320 Speaker 3: In friendship, that helps me a lot, And like there's 490 00:24:44,400 --> 00:24:46,600 Speaker 3: all these different skill sets that we all have, and 491 00:24:46,680 --> 00:24:49,560 Speaker 3: if we don't, if we aren't being our unique selves, 492 00:24:50,119 --> 00:24:53,760 Speaker 3: we're really like holding back the offerings to the world. 493 00:24:54,040 --> 00:24:57,679 Speaker 2: Yeah, you're robbing us of your sensitivity exactly. I mean, 494 00:24:57,720 --> 00:25:00,560 Speaker 2: the world would be really boring if everyone was sensitive, 495 00:25:00,720 --> 00:25:02,360 Speaker 2: you know what I mean. But it would also be 496 00:25:02,480 --> 00:25:04,639 Speaker 2: really boring if everyone was just like a hyph no 497 00:25:04,680 --> 00:25:07,919 Speaker 2: one and no one was sensitive. Yeah, it's funny. I 498 00:25:07,920 --> 00:25:09,520 Speaker 2: was at dinner last night with some friends and my 499 00:25:09,560 --> 00:25:11,760 Speaker 2: friend Tracy was telling me that a woman that she 500 00:25:11,840 --> 00:25:14,320 Speaker 2: works with has a six or seven year old daughter 501 00:25:14,640 --> 00:25:16,520 Speaker 2: who has just gotten into the phase where like some 502 00:25:16,600 --> 00:25:18,960 Speaker 2: bulleting is starting and people are calling her weird and 503 00:25:19,000 --> 00:25:21,400 Speaker 2: a nerd, and she's like, Tracy has a thirteen year 504 00:25:21,400 --> 00:25:23,760 Speaker 2: old son who's really quirky, and she's like, I mean, 505 00:25:23,800 --> 00:25:25,760 Speaker 2: how do you navigate things like this? And she's like, 506 00:25:26,280 --> 00:25:27,800 Speaker 2: you have to flip it on them. You have to 507 00:25:27,880 --> 00:25:30,240 Speaker 2: let her know that being a nerd and being quirky 508 00:25:30,480 --> 00:25:34,119 Speaker 2: is awesome. Yeah, and give her the power to embrace that. 509 00:25:34,160 --> 00:25:37,040 Speaker 2: And she's like, oh okay, because she's like normal is 510 00:25:37,200 --> 00:25:41,440 Speaker 2: the word normal is so fucking boring and yet we 511 00:25:41,600 --> 00:25:45,639 Speaker 2: all try to fit into what is normal. Yeah. So 512 00:25:45,680 --> 00:25:48,760 Speaker 2: she's like, make her believe that normal is boring so 513 00:25:48,800 --> 00:25:52,040 Speaker 2: that she can embrace her uniqueness. Okay. So Number four 514 00:25:52,119 --> 00:25:55,719 Speaker 2: is seek self awareness. Cultivate self awareness by paying attention 515 00:25:55,760 --> 00:25:59,239 Speaker 2: to your thoughts, emotions, and reactions in different situations. This 516 00:25:59,280 --> 00:26:02,200 Speaker 2: can help you better understand yourself and your true desires. 517 00:26:03,040 --> 00:26:06,359 Speaker 2: Number five to seek new perspectives. Engage in conversations with 518 00:26:06,400 --> 00:26:09,600 Speaker 2: the diverse individuals, read books, listen to podcasts, or ten 519 00:26:09,680 --> 00:26:13,320 Speaker 2: workshops to explore different perspectives and ideas. This can broaden 520 00:26:13,359 --> 00:26:15,040 Speaker 2: your understanding of the world and help you shape your 521 00:26:15,080 --> 00:26:18,359 Speaker 2: own identity. That to me goes back to what I 522 00:26:18,359 --> 00:26:20,840 Speaker 2: said about Will Ferrell earlier and the movie being more 523 00:26:20,840 --> 00:26:24,679 Speaker 2: about him than Harbor, because that's what this film was 524 00:26:24,720 --> 00:26:29,600 Speaker 2: all about. Seeking that perspective, and number six challenge societal expectations. 525 00:26:29,960 --> 00:26:33,840 Speaker 2: Reflect on societal norms and expectations that may have influenced 526 00:26:33,880 --> 00:26:39,600 Speaker 2: your own self perception. Consider consider whether these align with 527 00:26:39,640 --> 00:26:42,399 Speaker 2: your true values and beliefs. It's important to recognize and 528 00:26:42,440 --> 00:26:46,480 Speaker 2: embrace your own authentic identity rather than conforming to external pressures. 529 00:26:46,800 --> 00:26:49,119 Speaker 2: Boom nail on head. And the seventh one is practice 530 00:26:49,119 --> 00:26:52,480 Speaker 2: self acceptance and self love. Embrace self acceptance and love 531 00:26:52,680 --> 00:26:56,560 Speaker 2: yourself unconditionally. Recognize that your identity may evolve over time 532 00:26:56,600 --> 00:26:59,520 Speaker 2: and that's okay. Embrace the journey of self discovery and 533 00:26:59,560 --> 00:27:02,800 Speaker 2: be kind yourself through the process. And then it goes 534 00:27:02,840 --> 00:27:05,119 Speaker 2: on to say, like, remember, finding our identity is not 535 00:27:05,160 --> 00:27:08,240 Speaker 2: a destination. It's a continuous process, so be patient with yourself. 536 00:27:08,880 --> 00:27:11,040 Speaker 2: I mean, I do feel like this film came at 537 00:27:11,040 --> 00:27:14,639 Speaker 2: a really interesting time for me personally, because I'm growing 538 00:27:14,680 --> 00:27:18,000 Speaker 2: and evolving, and I've recently started dating somebody new, and 539 00:27:18,680 --> 00:27:22,320 Speaker 2: I'm trying to approach it differently than my last relationship. 540 00:27:22,560 --> 00:27:26,239 Speaker 2: And there is some baggage. We all have it, you know, 541 00:27:26,359 --> 00:27:30,119 Speaker 2: we and we've we've acknowledged it. There's baggage. There's a 542 00:27:30,200 --> 00:27:33,040 Speaker 2: child there, I mean, there's so many things that are 543 00:27:33,080 --> 00:27:35,680 Speaker 2: new to me, and I'm trying to like give myself 544 00:27:35,680 --> 00:27:38,520 Speaker 2: the grace to not be perfect at it out of 545 00:27:38,520 --> 00:27:39,840 Speaker 2: the gate with this Wow. 546 00:27:40,760 --> 00:27:43,800 Speaker 3: We've done it. I've never been Expectations we put on 547 00:27:43,840 --> 00:27:48,440 Speaker 3: ourselves are so wild, and then the way we talk 548 00:27:48,480 --> 00:27:52,240 Speaker 3: to ourselves and we can't fulfill unrealistic expectations. It's just 549 00:27:52,280 --> 00:27:54,880 Speaker 3: this visious cycle that we all seem to live in. 550 00:27:55,520 --> 00:27:58,320 Speaker 3: And yeah, I'm just I'm grateful for movies like this 551 00:27:58,400 --> 00:28:01,840 Speaker 3: to really make us think about, one how connected we 552 00:28:01,880 --> 00:28:06,119 Speaker 3: all actually are, whether you are a straight man, a 553 00:28:06,160 --> 00:28:08,760 Speaker 3: gay man, a transgender woman, Like it's just like we. 554 00:28:08,640 --> 00:28:10,000 Speaker 2: All have all humans. 555 00:28:10,359 --> 00:28:11,200 Speaker 1: Yeah, we're all. 556 00:28:11,080 --> 00:28:13,520 Speaker 3: Humans, and it's like we don't really need to identify 557 00:28:13,760 --> 00:28:16,040 Speaker 3: by all those ways all the time because at the 558 00:28:16,160 --> 00:28:18,720 Speaker 3: core of it, it's like we go through these life 559 00:28:18,760 --> 00:28:22,679 Speaker 3: experiences and they make us feel similar ways they just 560 00:28:22,720 --> 00:28:25,720 Speaker 3: look different on the outside. So I loved that message, 561 00:28:25,720 --> 00:28:28,719 Speaker 3: But I also, like you said, love the idea of 562 00:28:28,800 --> 00:28:32,080 Speaker 3: just taking your identity a day at a time and 563 00:28:32,440 --> 00:28:35,199 Speaker 3: really just embracing who you are as you learn and 564 00:28:35,240 --> 00:28:37,520 Speaker 3: you grow, and being kind to yourself while you do it, 565 00:28:37,640 --> 00:28:39,480 Speaker 3: Like that's always the biggest key and I think we 566 00:28:39,520 --> 00:28:41,720 Speaker 3: talk about that a lot on the podcast. Will you 567 00:28:41,760 --> 00:28:43,200 Speaker 3: send me that article. I'm going to put it in 568 00:28:43,200 --> 00:28:46,680 Speaker 3: the description of the podcast for the listeners. Yeah, if 569 00:28:46,720 --> 00:28:48,200 Speaker 3: you guys want to go back and read again, like 570 00:28:48,240 --> 00:28:50,360 Speaker 3: we said, go watch the film, let us know what 571 00:28:50,400 --> 00:28:53,200 Speaker 3: you think. And then also if you start really working 572 00:28:53,200 --> 00:28:55,200 Speaker 3: on your identity, you can always email us at the 573 00:28:55,400 --> 00:28:56,560 Speaker 3: Edge at velvetedge dot com. 574 00:28:56,600 --> 00:28:57,400 Speaker 1: We want to hear about it. 575 00:28:57,880 --> 00:28:58,560 Speaker 2: Yeah. 576 00:28:58,600 --> 00:29:00,560 Speaker 1: Always, whatever it's true. 577 00:29:00,320 --> 00:29:02,959 Speaker 3: Self, bring us your true self. You can find me 578 00:29:03,000 --> 00:29:04,880 Speaker 3: on Instagram at velvet Edge Chip. 579 00:29:05,280 --> 00:29:09,160 Speaker 2: I'm at chip Doors its Chip R s C h. WE. 580 00:29:09,320 --> 00:29:11,360 Speaker 3: As you guys go into the weekend and you're living 581 00:29:11,440 --> 00:29:13,400 Speaker 3: on the edge, I hope you always remember to 582 00:29:16,600 --> 00:29:17,200 Speaker 2: Bye bye.