Speaker 1: Please note this episode is for adult audiences. It contains
Speaker 1: descriptions of consensual sexual x and desires. Well, guys, Welcome, Welcome,
Speaker 1: Welcome as usual to grow I'm mad and you're listening
Speaker 1: to Exactly I'm Mata, a production of iHeart. By the way,
Speaker 1: let me tell you something, because I know you can
Speaker 1: already hear it. I am a little bit under the weather,
Speaker 1: all this traveling, you know, around the world, and when
Speaker 1: I finally came ros in Miami, Come okay, my body
Speaker 1: getting shot and I don't know, I stand a little
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Speaker 1: you know, check out our shows today I wanted to
Speaker 1: do Come okay, exactly I'm a little bit more spicy,
Speaker 1: Come a little bit more saucy, more sexy, more more free,
Speaker 1: more open minded, more let's explore. Let's let's go into
Speaker 1: this episode today with an open mind, because today, not
Speaker 1: only do I have my girl, Arlene Arline, Mommy, how
Speaker 1: are you? I'm ready? I'm mad, I got two coffees in,
Speaker 1: I'm ready for this conversation night. Thanks for inviting me.
Speaker 1: I'm glad you picked me versus Alex. You know what,
Speaker 1: I really felt that you needed to be part of
Speaker 1: this conversation because you're always so sweet and cute and
Speaker 1: you know just well put together that I always feel like,
Speaker 1: where is the freaking Arline? Where is the sexy sexual
Speaker 1: part of you? I tanting to know how open you
Speaker 1: are mentally when it comes to today's topic. And we
Speaker 1: also have an amazing guest meta. I really wish that
Speaker 1: Alex was here, but we're gonna tell him all about
Speaker 1: it later because he's gonna feel so bad he missed
Speaker 1: this episode. But Arline presents, who do we have today? Well,
Speaker 1: this is a conversation that you've been very curious about,
Speaker 1: and we thought why not bring in an expert to
Speaker 1: really talk us through, give us an understanding on this subject.
Speaker 1: We have someone coming in to discuss b DSM to
Speaker 1: educate us a little bit on this spicy topic. Our
Speaker 1: guest is a professional dominatrix. She has over twenty years experience.
Speaker 1: She has a PhD in clinical psychology. M A. Yeah,
Speaker 1: she's smart. She has an m A and counseling psychology.
Speaker 1: She's also a kink centered sexologist and a kink life coach.
Speaker 1: This is the one where I'm gonna have to pick
Speaker 1: her brain a little bit because I'm interested in this
Speaker 1: kink centered sexologist and she's also the founder of the
Speaker 1: Evolutionary Dominatrix Academy. Mistress Domiana, Welcome to Exactly Amata. So
Speaker 1: much for that intervention. I'm so happy to be here.
Speaker 1: Thank you for inviting me, Damiana. Oh my god, I
Speaker 1: love that name. By the way, thank you. Okay, So
Speaker 1: here in Exactly Amada. I have always been very sexually open,
Speaker 1: always your curious. I say other things that everybody thinks
Speaker 1: about when no one has the guts to say out loud,
Speaker 1: all those things that I'm always somewhat preaching about being
Speaker 1: sexually open and not so judgmental and exploring your body,
Speaker 1: exploring your sexuality. I spoke about so many other different things.
Speaker 1: To me, it's like that's nothing, But there's real different
Speaker 1: levels to this. There's like even now listening to you know,
Speaker 1: other things you've actually studied, like this is a profession.
Speaker 1: It's not just only the sexual part of it, the
Speaker 1: fun part of it. But this is really a profession,
Speaker 1: first of all, for those that may not know, like myself,
Speaker 1: because I'm not gonna lie. What exactly does B D
Speaker 1: s M stand for? So? B D s M is
Speaker 1: an acronym, and it stands for bondage and discipline, Sadism
Speaker 1: and masochism. And then you take the two middle initials
Speaker 1: and that stands for dominance and submission. Okay, so it's
Speaker 1: like an acronym within an acronym. Okay, Now tell me
Speaker 1: what inspired you? What motivated you? How did you get started?
Speaker 1: Did you just wake up a name like you know
Speaker 1: what boom? I want to or you know you were curious,
Speaker 1: you work your way into it, you saw something? How
Speaker 1: did you get into this? So I got into this
Speaker 1: by accident. I was going to I was in my
Speaker 1: graduate program, in my master's program, going for the counseling
Speaker 1: psychology degree, and one of the assignments in my program
Speaker 1: that my teacher gave me was pick a disorder out
Speaker 1: of the DSM four. So have you heard of the DSM.
Speaker 1: It's the Diagnostic Statistical Manual Mental Disorders, and the psychologists
Speaker 1: go by that whatever mental disorder anyone is diagnosed with it,
Speaker 1: it's in that book. So I picked sexual masochism because
Speaker 1: I thought this sounds like a fun topic and all
Speaker 1: the other disorders sound really depressing. So okay, that was
Speaker 1: the one that sounded fun to me, and I was
Speaker 1: I had always been curious about it anyway, and so
Speaker 1: I started studying it. And my sister at the time
Speaker 1: had a quote unquote slave who was picking up her
Speaker 1: male you know, getting groceries things like that, just kind
Speaker 1: of like an errand boy that she was calling her slave.
Speaker 1: I thought, okay, I'm going to interview him. You know,
Speaker 1: he's into he's into this kinky stuff. I'm an interview
Speaker 1: And when I interviewed him, it was so fascinating learning
Speaker 1: about what makes a submissive tick. That's how I got
Speaker 1: into it. I started interviewing him, I started playing with him. Well,
Speaker 1: I started playing with him by accident. When you mean
Speaker 1: playing with him, what exactly does playing with him mean?
Speaker 1: That with that submissive, with that submissive kink that you're
Speaker 1: referring to, Uh huh, I'm going to tell you about
Speaker 1: how I accidentally started playing with him. Okay, and then
Speaker 1: I'll get into like what play means. My sister and
Speaker 1: I were living together at the time, and she said, Okay,
Speaker 1: my slave's going to come over and help us pack.
Speaker 1: And this was a guy that I had interviewed before,
Speaker 1: but I hadn't ever met him. Okay, So when he
Speaker 1: came to help us pack, I came home. She said, oh,
Speaker 1: she said, just come home. She said, put on a
Speaker 1: pair of high heels and just be bossy. I was like,
Speaker 1: all right, I can do that. So I come home
Speaker 1: and here he is already. He's a guy in his
Speaker 1: panties only, wearing women's panties packing boxes for us in
Speaker 1: our living room, right, And this is the first time
Speaker 1: I'd ever seen anything like this, And I was like, oh, okay,
Speaker 1: and I was kind of amused. On the inside, I
Speaker 1: was feeling kind of amused, but I didn't talk to him.
Speaker 1: And then at one point he said to my sister,
Speaker 1: miss may I use the bathroom, and she says, go ahead,
Speaker 1: but you have to sit like a girl on the toilet.
Speaker 1: So he went into the bathroom and he left the
Speaker 1: door open, cracked open a couple inches so I could
Speaker 1: see him sitting on the toilet, right. And then I
Speaker 1: walked over there and I pushed the door wide open,
Speaker 1: and I said, you don't get any privacy, and he
Speaker 1: looked at me really scared, like this is the first
Speaker 1: thing I ever said to him. And so this is
Speaker 1: what happened that day. And I didn't say anything else
Speaker 1: to him the whole rest of the day. But the
Speaker 1: next day he contacted me and he said, because we
Speaker 1: had already been on the phone and stuff, he said,
Speaker 1: you know what, you're not just as psychologist. I think
Speaker 1: you're a dominatrix too. I think you have it in you.
Speaker 1: Would you be interested in playing with me? And by
Speaker 1: playing with him specifically him he was a domestic slave
Speaker 1: so or domestic submissive, you know, And so he was
Speaker 1: into cleaning my house. My house, I had a studio
Speaker 1: apartment at the time, so but he paid me fifty
Speaker 1: dollars to paint, to clean my entire apartment, you know,
Speaker 1: the whole, like scrubbing my toilet and the tub and
Speaker 1: my whole place. And I would just boss him around,
Speaker 1: tell him you miss a spot right there, you miss
Speaker 1: a spot right there on the floor. And then I
Speaker 1: would take an implement from my kitchen, like a like
Speaker 1: a wooden spoon or something and and spank him on
Speaker 1: the ass with it, you know, stuff like that. So punishments.
Speaker 1: He would get punishments for um getting stuff wrong, you know,
Speaker 1: And so that's a part of the discipline. There are
Speaker 1: different levels to this, you know. Everybody's level of kinkiness
Speaker 1: or b DSM may be different and may not all
Speaker 1: be to that extent. You know, Some may like get
Speaker 1: a little bit more intense than others exactly, you know.
Speaker 1: And for example, just give a different a couple of
Speaker 1: examples of different levels of BDSM, because I know there's
Speaker 1: some they like to wear the latex, some like the bondage,
Speaker 1: some like to just wear the panties, some like give
Speaker 1: us some examples of the category. If coined the term
Speaker 1: called kink, kink sexuality like one word king sexuality, you
Speaker 1: know how like homosexuality head or sexuality is one word.
Speaker 1: I've coined the term. It's not like official yet, but
Speaker 1: I'm trying to get it out there because I believe
Speaker 1: that people are born kinky, like it's your sexual orientation,
Speaker 1: you know. So, like you were saying Amara that there's
Speaker 1: people you're curious about people who are very very kinky
Speaker 1: versus very very maybe they're just curious or something like that.
Speaker 1: So if you if you look at it like on
Speaker 1: a spectrum, very very kinky or like one percent kinki
Speaker 1: is over here on this end, and then very vanilla
Speaker 1: is over on this end, and vanilla would be something like,
Speaker 1: you like missionary sex. You don't like getting freaky at all.
Speaker 1: You just like to you know, just traditional sex, traditional sex.
Speaker 1: I love me some missionary. Hold up, some missionary can
Speaker 1: be very very nice. So you know, like somebody like
Speaker 1: you Amara might be like right in the middle, right,
Speaker 1: you might be right fifty percent. You could be like,
Speaker 1: I'm down for exploring King, I'm down for exploring Vanilla.
Speaker 1: I'm open either away. That would be something like in
Speaker 1: the vanilla world called bisexuality. You're not all the way
Speaker 1: over to homosexuality. You're not all the way over to hetero.
Speaker 1: You're in the middle, you know what I mean. It's
Speaker 1: like a spectrum, just like that. I think it's important
Speaker 1: to also be with a with a partner personally, with
Speaker 1: all due respect for everybody who's into orgies and you know,
Speaker 1: whatever it is threesomes. I've never had one. It's personally
Speaker 1: not my thing per se, but I've never had when
Speaker 1: I don't know, but I do like to explore with
Speaker 1: that one person I'm with. With this one person i'm with,
Speaker 1: I'm willing to try everything. Throw me from one side
Speaker 1: of the room to the other, you know, spang me
Speaker 1: this that you want to, I don't know whatever. Let's
Speaker 1: I'm with it because it's just you and me, and
Speaker 1: I feel comfortable enough that it stays between us. It's
Speaker 1: not like a whole bunch of people. And then obviously,
Speaker 1: as a public space, you kind of also have to
Speaker 1: be a little bit more. You know, this screeks. But
Speaker 1: I do think that you should be sexually open, not
Speaker 1: be afraid. If you have it in your mind and
Speaker 1: the curiosity is there, why not explore it, don't you know.
Speaker 1: Don't take that as if you have an issue or
Speaker 1: I mean, we'll wait. There's some things that I might
Speaker 1: be like, okay, well maybe we have to discuss this.
Speaker 1: But I still do think that you should be open
Speaker 1: enough to try and stuff. I told my mom because
Speaker 1: my mom and I my mom is my best friend
Speaker 1: and I tell her everything. And I told my mom,
Speaker 1: you know, when I'm having sex, I like to get slapped,
Speaker 1: and she's like, in your face, I'm like, yeah, slap me,
Speaker 1: spit in my face, took me, and you know, she
Speaker 1: was like, you have problems, like this is not normal?
Speaker 1: Da da da, And I'm like, I don't think there's
Speaker 1: anything wrong with it. When you're in your sexual moment,
Speaker 1: you kind of come ok. You know, when you're done,
Speaker 1: I'm sometimes to be like, what the hell was that?
Speaker 1: That was too much? But in the moment, you're just
Speaker 1: having fun exactly. Oh, in the moment, you're right, You're
Speaker 1: absolutely right. So when we go into when I go
Speaker 1: into scenes, I call the media sm scenes. You know,
Speaker 1: when we're in a scene, it's like you're I'm For example,
Speaker 1: a very common roleplay would be I'm I'm mistress and
Speaker 1: then my submissive is my slave. That's the most common dynamic,
Speaker 1: right there could be something also, a different dyam dynamic
Speaker 1: would be like teacher and student or um. You know,
Speaker 1: you get the mom, nurse and patient. I am, yes,
Speaker 1: I've done mom and all these roleplays. I'm always the
Speaker 1: dominant role right um. And so when in a scene,
Speaker 1: any scene, mistress, slave, mommy, son, whatever, you're in the
Speaker 1: scene and it's real. It feels so real. It feels
Speaker 1: like you're in the moment, everything's so hot and you're open.
Speaker 1: You're more open during a scene than any other time
Speaker 1: when you're outside of it because you're in that um
Speaker 1: you're all your adrenaline and the endorphins or in all
Speaker 1: the serotonin, all your different neurochemicals are firing. So it
Speaker 1: feels very exciting when does the scene stop. Because for example,
Speaker 1: for you, because you're the dominant, you you know when
Speaker 1: it's over, like boom, it's done. For those that maybe
Speaker 1: the slave or maybe on the other side, do they
Speaker 1: sometimes have an issue cutting it off or disconnecting or
Speaker 1: like they don't have to worry about it. The dominant
Speaker 1: is in control of everything. The dominant begins the scene,
Speaker 1: that the dominant closes the scene. It's very important for
Speaker 1: the dom to close the scene like at the end
Speaker 1: of it. So the scene is similar to like a
Speaker 1: vanilla sex sex session where you know, there's the four play, right,
Speaker 1: there's four play so it kind of warms it up
Speaker 1: and then you get up into the peak sexual part
Speaker 1: where it's very very exciting, you know, and then it
Speaker 1: kind of like wanes down right, you get into the cuddling,
Speaker 1: you get into all that. So we have terms for
Speaker 1: all of that. We have terms for all of that.
Speaker 1: We presene negotiation. We talk, we warm up, we get
Speaker 1: to know each other, and then scene starts, like the
Speaker 1: dom says, okay, we're in role now. You know, when
Speaker 1: we enter the other room, role begins. So world begins,
Speaker 1: and then we go through the whole scene and then
Speaker 1: you know, like whatever whatever intense stuff we want to
Speaker 1: do in the middle, and we weighed down and then
Speaker 1: it lightens up and end. At the end, I say
Speaker 1: to my slave, you know, there could be an orgasm
Speaker 1: or something like that. There could be, there doesn't have
Speaker 1: to be. But at the end of the scene, you
Speaker 1: were such a good slave for me. You took so
Speaker 1: much pain for me. You did you know, I would
Speaker 1: love to train you again. You did a good job.
Speaker 1: Good slave. So that kind of closes a scene. You know,
Speaker 1: you don't want to beat somebody and just leave it
Speaker 1: like that. That would be not a good way to end.
Speaker 1: You know, you never want to end it like in
Speaker 1: a heightened part like that. It's not good. It's not
Speaker 1: good mentally, bring it down. Have you ever been a
Speaker 1: slave yourself? So when I I was training to be Dominatrix,
Speaker 1: I had two mentors they were. They were famous and
Speaker 1: legendary in La Mistress Miss Sabrina Belladonna and Mistress Silsa's stricks.
Speaker 1: So I went through a whole training program with them
Speaker 1: for about a year and a half. Um And during
Speaker 1: that time, I said, I want to know what it
Speaker 1: feels like to be a slave in a session. And
Speaker 1: so I went to one of my mentors, mister Silsa,
Speaker 1: and I said, you know, I want you to do
Speaker 1: everything to me. Treat me like a slave, beat me
Speaker 1: with me, put me in bondage. I want to feel it,
Speaker 1: you know, so so you can understand what you know,
Speaker 1: what you're making the other person feel, and how the
Speaker 1: how was the experience for you personally? So um, so
Speaker 1: it was a two hour scene. Um, and she she
Speaker 1: did stuff to me like she she wanted to treat
Speaker 1: me like a slave, you know. But for me it
Speaker 1: wasn't really a turn on. So I realized that it wasn't.
Speaker 1: I wasn't a submissive. I am not a submissive. I
Speaker 1: could bottom, you know, I could bottom. I don't bottom
Speaker 1: very often. But what I loved about it was being flogged,
Speaker 1: and um, that was a part I love the most,
Speaker 1: was being flogged. I was wouldn't be heavy bond flogged. Um.
Speaker 1: So there's there's these things called floggers where there's um,
Speaker 1: there's a handle and then there's a bunch of swede tails. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and it's you know like it could be it could
Speaker 1: if you did it softly, it could feel like a massage.
Speaker 1: But no, you get a little better beat it. You
Speaker 1: gotta be I've done it. Yeah, good, good, you don't
Speaker 1: am I am I getting to know it was at
Speaker 1: the time a lot of them. I am sure you've
Speaker 1: done things that you don't know the actual term of it,
Speaker 1: and you might be closer into this than you actually know.
Speaker 1: M So there you go through the flogging. Yeah, the
Speaker 1: flogging felt amazing to me because it was like, you know,
Speaker 1: she did it at the right pace. She warmed me up.
Speaker 1: It slowly because you have to do it correctly. There's
Speaker 1: a technique. So people can't just pick up a flogger
Speaker 1: and start beating their partner. No, you can't just go
Speaker 1: hard from the beginning. That's incorrect technique. You gonna warm
Speaker 1: it up, Warm it up, Warm up the body, warm
Speaker 1: up the skin. You bring the blood to the surface
Speaker 1: of the skin. It's usually like on the back on
Speaker 1: the ass. You could flog lightly on the front, but lightly,
Speaker 1: you know, lightly, so on my back. I was flogged
Speaker 1: very She got to a point where she flogged me
Speaker 1: pretty hard again, working it up, working it up until
Speaker 1: we got to the point where I was producing indoor fins, right,
Speaker 1: And when you produce indoor fins, oh, it starts feeling
Speaker 1: really good. You start wanting and you start wanting more.
Speaker 1: And so she flogged me to the point where I
Speaker 1: had bruises on my back or over a week. It
Speaker 1: was nice. It was like, oh, look, I got flogged.
Speaker 1: Has anybody ever pagged? I don't know what pegging is.
Speaker 1: Pegging goes on all the time and teach Charlie what
Speaker 1: pegging is. I've only done. But it was very empowering. Well,
Speaker 1: this person requested it. I'm not necessarily like, oh yeah,
Speaker 1: let me go peg, you know, he requested it, and
Speaker 1: I was like, sure, I'd rather you to ask me
Speaker 1: than ask somebody else, so I'll try it. It was
Speaker 1: very empowering because I had never done it and seeing
Speaker 1: that I was pleasuring this, you know, this person, he
Speaker 1: wasn't my partner at the time. Um afterwards, I did
Speaker 1: because I'm telling you when you're in the moment, it's
Speaker 1: like oh yeah. But when you're done, that's when you
Speaker 1: kind of like hmm. You can't say you don't like
Speaker 1: something too. You've done it. I tried it. It's not
Speaker 1: really my thing, but I did it. I can say,
Speaker 1: check done that. So Arlene, UM, I don't know if
Speaker 1: you want to try this, but just check it out.
Speaker 1: Let's see what is what is it? Okay? So pegging
Speaker 1: is a term that came up. I mean when I
Speaker 1: first started, Like I said, I I've been a dominatrix.
Speaker 1: I've been a professional for twenty four years now, twenty
Speaker 1: four years, um, and so when I first started in
Speaker 1: the profession, it wasn't called pegging. It was called anal
Speaker 1: play strap on play, strap on play. They turned it
Speaker 1: into pegging somehow somewhere along the line. I don't know,
Speaker 1: I don't remember. I don't know when, ten years ago,
Speaker 1: who knows, but um, but that's that's the term now
Speaker 1: that they used. So, so Arlene, you know what strap on?
Speaker 1: Play with that with that strap on? Yes? Yeah, so
Speaker 1: what I mean my twenties, I was more curious about that.
Speaker 1: Now that I'm getting older, I'm like, I don't know,
Speaker 1: if I can physically handle it, but in my twenties.
Speaker 1: But it's not. It's not the step for women to
Speaker 1: give yes because oh yeah I got that part. Yes, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: you know telling your partner. Now listen, I have this
Speaker 1: strap on my bought. I want to try it on you.
Speaker 1: You know, I'm kidding. I'm really curious about this dynamic
Speaker 1: about women getting into their own as far as this
Speaker 1: dominant role, because traditionally women weren't really allowed to explore
Speaker 1: their sexual feelings and desires, and so now you know,
Speaker 1: moving into this more dominant role, it can be very feel,
Speaker 1: very powerful, explore those Yeah, you tell us a little
Speaker 1: bit about how that all fits in in my dom journey.
Speaker 1: I call it a dom dom journey. Um. So, I
Speaker 1: grew up in La but I grew up in a
Speaker 1: very traditional Chinese household, right, so it was for my
Speaker 1: parents what they wanted and to all Chinese parents, you know,
Speaker 1: when they come from the tradition, they want their children
Speaker 1: to be quiet and demure, especially if you're a girl. Demure,
Speaker 1: quiet and so um, they kind of trained me to
Speaker 1: be a very shy child because that was seen as
Speaker 1: a you know, this is quality, this is what you
Speaker 1: want if you're boisterous and you're this and that, that
Speaker 1: doesn't that doesn't seem or lady like, you know, lady like,
Speaker 1: and there's a Chinese term for it, ladylike. Right, And
Speaker 1: so I was brought up like this where I never
Speaker 1: spoke my feelings. I didn't speak my opinions. It just
Speaker 1: was like that I held everything inside. But I held
Speaker 1: everything so bottled up that by the time I got
Speaker 1: to teenage years, I completely rebelled. And we don't have
Speaker 1: to get into that, but I was this really rebellious teenager, okay,
Speaker 1: And then when I discovered being a dominatrix in my
Speaker 1: early adulthood, I was like, it felt really well. First
Speaker 1: of all, when I got when I had a boyfriend,
Speaker 1: my first boyfriend, I was sixteen, I was very bossy
Speaker 1: and controlling and it felt good to boss him around
Speaker 1: because I was always this dominant person inside, but I
Speaker 1: didn't have a place to express it. And so it
Speaker 1: feels very empowering to do that. Not only to use
Speaker 1: the implements that feels very empowering. To or the strap on,
Speaker 1: it feels very empowering, but to use your voice and
Speaker 1: to order them around, get on your knees in front
Speaker 1: of me, worship my feet, you know, stuff like that.
Speaker 1: And you know it's healthy because that is what they want.
Speaker 1: That is what they crave. It's the that's what they Yeah,
Speaker 1: they want that, it's yes, and so there's no there's
Speaker 1: nothing wrong about it. It's healthy. Healthy on both ends.
Speaker 1: You're expressing yourself on the dominant end, they are receiving
Speaker 1: what they need on the other on the submissive end.
Speaker 1: And nobody's judging anybody. You know, um, my mom's always
Speaker 1: told me this because I've seen her and my mom
Speaker 1: hasn't had a lot of partners or relationships, you know,
Speaker 1: with me while I've been around, obviously, because my mom
Speaker 1: has that that traditional mentality of I want to give
Speaker 1: my daughter a good example. I don't want to have
Speaker 1: a lot of men coming in. And now she's been
Speaker 1: very like that, but I've always seen that she's very
Speaker 1: bossy and she's like, your paycheck goes here on the table,
Speaker 1: I pay this, and I give you that. And I
Speaker 1: was like, mom, they're gonna leave you. Who wants to
Speaker 1: be with a woman like this? And my mom is like,
Speaker 1: when you're too submissive and you're too sweet, and you're
Speaker 1: too nice. They take advantage of you, and they don't
Speaker 1: like it. Those women, they're a little bit more aggressive.
Speaker 1: I'm taking control, this is what's happening. They kind of
Speaker 1: do like it a little bit more to note that
Speaker 1: the woman is in control. Now. I have this question
Speaker 1: as well, whether it's been the sexual part of it
Speaker 1: or just the dominatrix part of it. Have you ever
Speaker 1: had a scene, rather better, a scene that when you
Speaker 1: finished you felt bad or guilty or said, maybe I
Speaker 1: went too hard, maybe I touched I touched a feeling
Speaker 1: I didn't know this person have, or you know, maybe
Speaker 1: I said this too strongly. Have you ever had a
Speaker 1: moment like that? Yes? Yes, So like I run it
Speaker 1: on anatrix academy, right, so I talk about all of
Speaker 1: this stuff. Basically, I give them all along, all of
Speaker 1: the knowledge, so they have it upfront. Before when I
Speaker 1: was starting, I was kind of just feeling my way
Speaker 1: through the dark. Really. I had the two mentors, yes,
Speaker 1: but I only took classes with them to learn how
Speaker 1: to do like the flogging in the bondage and the
Speaker 1: activity right the things to the physical things I wasn't
Speaker 1: I wasn't taught. I didn't get the training on how
Speaker 1: to treat them mentally or psychologically. So early on in
Speaker 1: my early dam years, I would take somebody who said
Speaker 1: they wanted um the degradation. So this is a king,
Speaker 1: So there's people out there who want to be degraded
Speaker 1: and humiliated. Okay, And so somebody would come to me
Speaker 1: and say, you know, maybe this is a sub that
Speaker 1: doesn't know how to Maybe they're kind of early Maybe
Speaker 1: this sub that I'm bringing up in my example, maybe
Speaker 1: they're kind of new at it too, so they don't
Speaker 1: know how to express everything. So this with what happened
Speaker 1: was this person said I want to be degraded. I
Speaker 1: want to be degraded, and I want I want you
Speaker 1: to at me and just treat me really bad and
Speaker 1: just all of that. So I said, okay. And so
Speaker 1: here was the guy in front of me, and he
Speaker 1: took off his cloth because the dom is always clothed
Speaker 1: in fetish clothing and then the sub is always naked usually,
Speaker 1: and so here he is naked in front of me,
Speaker 1: and I would I said stuff like, look at you,
Speaker 1: You're a fat slob. Who would want you? You know,
Speaker 1: you're just you know, look at you, You're an ugly pig.
Speaker 1: I started saying things like that, very very these insults, right,
Speaker 1: and I started seeing him just kind of like go
Speaker 1: into this place during the scene of it wasn't a
Speaker 1: turn on. I just saw him kind of shut down,
Speaker 1: shut down, And so I stopped the scene and I said, Okay,
Speaker 1: let's do a time out here. I know I'm saying
Speaker 1: something that isn't isn't hitting your buttons? Tell me about that.
Speaker 1: He said, I don't want to be I don't want
Speaker 1: you to call me fat. He's like, that's a tender
Speaker 1: spot for me. And so I learned that you can't
Speaker 1: just generalize degradation. You can't just generalize, you know, whatever
Speaker 1: you say, you have to ask in the beginning, Okay,
Speaker 1: what turns you on? What words turn you on? What
Speaker 1: do you want? What do you want to hear in
Speaker 1: the scene? What makes you hot? What makes you hot
Speaker 1: during the scene? And you have to find out specifics, specifics.
Speaker 1: So when somebody says, maybe they're new and they're like,
Speaker 1: I have fantasy being degraded, then you ask them, Okay,
Speaker 1: in your fantasies, when you masturbate, whatever it is, what
Speaker 1: is the dominant calling you, what she's saying to you?
Speaker 1: Tell me what she's saying in your fantasies, so you
Speaker 1: have to find out before you get into the scene.
Speaker 1: You have to find out. So that's very, very important.
Speaker 1: I'll sell you this much. I have learned so much today.
Speaker 1: I continue to be curious. I am glad to know
Speaker 1: that you make it in the space where one is
Speaker 1: a profession. You know, you studied this, you know there's
Speaker 1: techniques that you can't just go out there and you
Speaker 1: know think that you know because you've seen a couple
Speaker 1: of porn videos that you know how to do this.
Speaker 1: There's people that actually studied this, and there's academies for
Speaker 1: this and all this stuff, and there's podcasts for this.
Speaker 1: So where is your podcast? Where can we listen to it?
Speaker 1: How can we follow you on social media? How can
Speaker 1: we get in contact with you? Give us all the details.
Speaker 1: My podcast is called light Workers who Play in the Dark,
Speaker 1: because I see doms as light workers. When you're doing
Speaker 1: it the right way, you're a light worker. You bring
Speaker 1: light to the person that you're playing with. You heal them.
Speaker 1: Light workers are healers. So we play in the dark.
Speaker 1: We play in the dark parts where you know people
Speaker 1: are afraid to talk about this stuff outside it's could
Speaker 1: be shameful stuff. You know, it's shameful stuff we're not seeing.
Speaker 1: We're not seeing it is shameful. But this is the
Speaker 1: dark stuff, right. So that's the name of my podcast.
Speaker 1: You can find it everything on my I have a
Speaker 1: links page called Domiana ChipHD dot com and so on
Speaker 1: that links page you can find my podcast, you can
Speaker 1: find my academy. My academy is called the Evolutionary Dominatrix Academy.
Speaker 1: I wanted to mention also that I am doing an
Speaker 1: in person event next month in April, and I'm going
Speaker 1: to be teaching a three day workshop. It's called the
Speaker 1: Dominatrix Archetype Workshop. It's April twenty first, twenty second, and
Speaker 1: twenty third. You can come to LA and there's only
Speaker 1: six spots because I do give a lot of personal attention,
Speaker 1: so six spots for six women. I will have six
Speaker 1: submissives for you. So that is an opportunity to work
Speaker 1: with me in person. I also can work with you
Speaker 1: all over the world on the internet because my academy,
Speaker 1: the Evolutionary Dominatrix Academy, is a six month full program
Speaker 1: and I have students all over the world joining this well,
Speaker 1: I'm definitely going to be posting some of this on
Speaker 1: my personal Instagram because I know that there's going to
Speaker 1: be so many listeners ready to get all these details.
Speaker 1: This has been one of the most interesting episodes I've
Speaker 1: done because you really touched topics that a lot of people,
Speaker 1: like I said before, are curious, but there's very few
Speaker 1: that are willing to talk about it openly in a
Speaker 1: way that they don't feel judged, and it's a learning
Speaker 1: experience for all of us. The world is a huge place.
Speaker 1: There's a lot of people that like different things. I
Speaker 1: don't think that we should judge them, for we have
Speaker 1: the rights to have our own sexuality try however it
Speaker 1: is that we want to, and I'm glad that there's
Speaker 1: people like yourself that are willing to make so many
Speaker 1: people comfortable in their space. Arlene, thank you so much
Speaker 1: for joining today. I'm so grateful as usual because you
Speaker 1: also make me feel comfortable and as another woman, you know,
Speaker 1: it's not I don't have to feel awkward. It's like
Speaker 1: what we all think about it. We all have had
Speaker 1: our little bit of curiosity, so this has been pretty fun.
Speaker 1: I want to thank all of you guys for being
Speaker 1: part of Exactly Amata once again, and don't forget to
Speaker 1: follow me on all social media platforms at Amada, La
Speaker 1: and ada and or ed exactly Amada on Instagram, Twitter, YouTube,
Speaker 1: all that good stuff. This has been a production of
Speaker 1: Ihearts Michael Tuda podcast network. I love you guys, See
Speaker 1: you next time.