WEBVTT - Exploring BDSM: A Conversation with Mistress Damiana Chi, PHD 0:00:00.120 --> 0:00:04.160 Please note this episode is for adult audiences. It contains 0:00:04.200 --> 0:00:13.400 descriptions of consensual sexual x and desires. Well, guys, Welcome, Welcome, 0:00:13.520 --> 0:00:17.000 Welcome as usual to grow I'm mad and you're listening 0:00:17.040 --> 0:00:20.360 to Exactly I'm Mata, a production of iHeart. By the way, 0:00:20.440 --> 0:00:21.680 let me tell you something, because I know you can 0:00:21.720 --> 0:00:25.000 already hear it. I am a little bit under the weather, 0:00:26.079 --> 0:00:29.520 all this traveling, you know, around the world, and when 0:00:29.520 --> 0:00:31.560 I finally came ros in Miami, Come okay, my body 0:00:31.560 --> 0:00:34.120 getting shot and I don't know, I stand a little 0:00:34.120 --> 0:00:37.760 bit like. Okay, you remember to subscribe to my podcast, 0:00:37.960 --> 0:00:40.800 Show me some love, some support, and rate us, give 0:00:40.880 --> 0:00:43.720 us those five stars that we well deserve, because we 0:00:43.800 --> 0:00:46.480 always give you the best of us, well the best 0:00:46.520 --> 0:00:49.159 of me. Don't forget. Go to the YouTube channel and 0:00:49.240 --> 0:00:51.880 write exactly I'm out on the search bar so you can, 0:00:51.920 --> 0:00:53.960 you know, check out our shows today I wanted to 0:00:53.960 --> 0:00:56.680 do Come okay, exactly I'm a little bit more spicy, 0:00:56.720 --> 0:01:00.240 Come a little bit more saucy, more sexy, more more free, 0:01:00.320 --> 0:01:04.679 more open minded, more let's explore. Let's let's go into 0:01:04.720 --> 0:01:09.440 this episode today with an open mind, because today, not 0:01:09.520 --> 0:01:11.880 only do I have my girl, Arlene Arline, Mommy, how 0:01:11.920 --> 0:01:14.440 are you? I'm ready? I'm mad, I got two coffees in, 0:01:14.840 --> 0:01:17.440 I'm ready for this conversation night. Thanks for inviting me. 0:01:17.480 --> 0:01:20.200 I'm glad you picked me versus Alex. You know what, 0:01:20.319 --> 0:01:22.080 I really felt that you needed to be part of 0:01:22.080 --> 0:01:26.080 this conversation because you're always so sweet and cute and 0:01:26.200 --> 0:01:28.840 you know just well put together that I always feel like, 0:01:29.080 --> 0:01:32.560 where is the freaking Arline? Where is the sexy sexual 0:01:32.640 --> 0:01:35.759 part of you? I tanting to know how open you 0:01:35.800 --> 0:01:39.479 are mentally when it comes to today's topic. And we 0:01:39.560 --> 0:01:42.920 also have an amazing guest meta. I really wish that 0:01:43.000 --> 0:01:45.600 Alex was here, but we're gonna tell him all about 0:01:45.600 --> 0:01:48.240 it later because he's gonna feel so bad he missed 0:01:48.240 --> 0:01:53.640 this episode. But Arline presents, who do we have today? Well, 0:01:53.640 --> 0:01:57.200 this is a conversation that you've been very curious about, 0:01:57.960 --> 0:02:01.640 and we thought why not bring in an expert to 0:02:01.760 --> 0:02:06.600 really talk us through, give us an understanding on this subject. 0:02:07.080 --> 0:02:10.839 We have someone coming in to discuss b DSM to 0:02:11.000 --> 0:02:14.040 educate us a little bit on this spicy topic. Our 0:02:14.120 --> 0:02:18.920 guest is a professional dominatrix. She has over twenty years experience. 0:02:19.480 --> 0:02:24.680 She has a PhD in clinical psychology. M A. Yeah, 0:02:24.720 --> 0:02:28.800 she's smart. She has an m A and counseling psychology. 0:02:29.000 --> 0:02:33.440 She's also a kink centered sexologist and a kink life coach. 0:02:33.800 --> 0:02:35.200 This is the one where I'm gonna have to pick 0:02:35.200 --> 0:02:37.080 her brain a little bit because I'm interested in this 0:02:37.160 --> 0:02:41.400 kink centered sexologist and she's also the founder of the 0:02:41.480 --> 0:02:50.920 Evolutionary Dominatrix Academy. Mistress Domiana, Welcome to Exactly Amata. So 0:02:51.040 --> 0:02:53.880 much for that intervention. I'm so happy to be here. 0:02:54.000 --> 0:02:57.080 Thank you for inviting me, Damiana. Oh my god, I 0:02:57.120 --> 0:02:59.160 love that name. By the way, thank you. Okay, So 0:02:59.760 --> 0:03:03.519 here in Exactly Amada. I have always been very sexually open, 0:03:04.200 --> 0:03:07.519 always your curious. I say other things that everybody thinks 0:03:07.520 --> 0:03:09.720 about when no one has the guts to say out loud, 0:03:10.800 --> 0:03:13.920 all those things that I'm always somewhat preaching about being 0:03:13.960 --> 0:03:19.160 sexually open and not so judgmental and exploring your body, 0:03:19.160 --> 0:03:22.440 exploring your sexuality. I spoke about so many other different things. 0:03:22.520 --> 0:03:25.800 To me, it's like that's nothing, But there's real different 0:03:25.880 --> 0:03:29.480 levels to this. There's like even now listening to you know, 0:03:29.760 --> 0:03:32.960 other things you've actually studied, like this is a profession. 0:03:33.240 --> 0:03:35.440 It's not just only the sexual part of it, the 0:03:35.480 --> 0:03:38.000 fun part of it. But this is really a profession, 0:03:38.520 --> 0:03:41.640 first of all, for those that may not know, like myself, 0:03:41.680 --> 0:03:46.320 because I'm not gonna lie. What exactly does B D 0:03:46.760 --> 0:03:50.280 s M stand for? So? B D s M is 0:03:50.320 --> 0:03:56.720 an acronym, and it stands for bondage and discipline, Sadism 0:03:56.880 --> 0:04:00.600 and masochism. And then you take the two middle initials 0:04:00.680 --> 0:04:04.880 and that stands for dominance and submission. Okay, so it's 0:04:04.880 --> 0:04:09.840 like an acronym within an acronym. Okay, Now tell me 0:04:10.120 --> 0:04:13.440 what inspired you? What motivated you? How did you get started? 0:04:13.560 --> 0:04:15.240 Did you just wake up a name like you know 0:04:15.240 --> 0:04:18.159 what boom? I want to or you know you were curious, 0:04:18.160 --> 0:04:21.240 you work your way into it, you saw something? How 0:04:21.279 --> 0:04:26.200 did you get into this? So I got into this 0:04:26.600 --> 0:04:29.960 by accident. I was going to I was in my 0:04:30.000 --> 0:04:34.599 graduate program, in my master's program, going for the counseling 0:04:34.640 --> 0:04:40.719 psychology degree, and one of the assignments in my program 0:04:40.720 --> 0:04:44.440 that my teacher gave me was pick a disorder out 0:04:44.480 --> 0:04:47.839 of the DSM four. So have you heard of the DSM. 0:04:47.920 --> 0:04:52.840 It's the Diagnostic Statistical Manual Mental Disorders, and the psychologists 0:04:52.880 --> 0:04:57.120 go by that whatever mental disorder anyone is diagnosed with it, 0:04:57.320 --> 0:05:01.960 it's in that book. So I picked sexual masochism because 0:05:02.000 --> 0:05:04.599 I thought this sounds like a fun topic and all 0:05:04.640 --> 0:05:08.960 the other disorders sound really depressing. So okay, that was 0:05:09.000 --> 0:05:12.000 the one that sounded fun to me, and I was 0:05:12.600 --> 0:05:15.480 I had always been curious about it anyway, and so 0:05:15.960 --> 0:05:19.799 I started studying it. And my sister at the time 0:05:20.160 --> 0:05:24.120 had a quote unquote slave who was picking up her 0:05:24.160 --> 0:05:27.560 male you know, getting groceries things like that, just kind 0:05:27.560 --> 0:05:29.520 of like an errand boy that she was calling her slave. 0:05:29.839 --> 0:05:32.120 I thought, okay, I'm going to interview him. You know, 0:05:32.160 --> 0:05:34.480 he's into he's into this kinky stuff. I'm an interview 0:05:35.080 --> 0:05:39.600 And when I interviewed him, it was so fascinating learning 0:05:39.640 --> 0:05:42.920 about what makes a submissive tick. That's how I got 0:05:42.960 --> 0:05:48.520 into it. I started interviewing him, I started playing with him. Well, 0:05:48.640 --> 0:05:50.920 I started playing with him by accident. When you mean 0:05:51.000 --> 0:05:54.200 playing with him, what exactly does playing with him mean? 0:05:55.600 --> 0:05:59.240 That with that submissive, with that submissive kink that you're 0:05:59.240 --> 0:06:02.760 referring to, Uh huh, I'm going to tell you about 0:06:02.760 --> 0:06:05.000 how I accidentally started playing with him. Okay, and then 0:06:05.040 --> 0:06:07.680 I'll get into like what play means. My sister and 0:06:07.720 --> 0:06:10.599 I were living together at the time, and she said, Okay, 0:06:10.600 --> 0:06:14.200 my slave's going to come over and help us pack. 0:06:14.560 --> 0:06:16.680 And this was a guy that I had interviewed before, 0:06:16.880 --> 0:06:19.760 but I hadn't ever met him. Okay, So when he 0:06:19.839 --> 0:06:23.640 came to help us pack, I came home. She said, oh, 0:06:23.680 --> 0:06:26.280 she said, just come home. She said, put on a 0:06:26.600 --> 0:06:28.800 pair of high heels and just be bossy. I was like, 0:06:28.839 --> 0:06:31.520 all right, I can do that. So I come home 0:06:31.680 --> 0:06:34.120 and here he is already. He's a guy in his 0:06:34.279 --> 0:06:39.000 panties only, wearing women's panties packing boxes for us in 0:06:39.040 --> 0:06:41.560 our living room, right, And this is the first time 0:06:41.600 --> 0:06:45.360 I'd ever seen anything like this, And I was like, oh, okay, 0:06:45.360 --> 0:06:48.960 and I was kind of amused. On the inside, I 0:06:49.040 --> 0:06:52.520 was feeling kind of amused, but I didn't talk to him. 0:06:52.560 --> 0:06:55.200 And then at one point he said to my sister, 0:06:56.080 --> 0:07:00.240 miss may I use the bathroom, and she says, go ahead, 0:07:00.279 --> 0:07:02.479 but you have to sit like a girl on the toilet. 0:07:03.360 --> 0:07:06.760 So he went into the bathroom and he left the 0:07:06.800 --> 0:07:09.360 door open, cracked open a couple inches so I could 0:07:09.360 --> 0:07:12.640 see him sitting on the toilet, right. And then I 0:07:12.760 --> 0:07:15.280 walked over there and I pushed the door wide open, 0:07:15.920 --> 0:07:18.520 and I said, you don't get any privacy, and he 0:07:18.600 --> 0:07:21.360 looked at me really scared, like this is the first 0:07:21.400 --> 0:07:24.720 thing I ever said to him. And so this is 0:07:24.840 --> 0:07:27.720 what happened that day. And I didn't say anything else 0:07:27.760 --> 0:07:29.560 to him the whole rest of the day. But the 0:07:30.000 --> 0:07:31.840 next day he contacted me and he said, because we 0:07:32.000 --> 0:07:34.840 had already been on the phone and stuff, he said, 0:07:34.880 --> 0:07:37.400 you know what, you're not just as psychologist. I think 0:07:37.440 --> 0:07:39.920 you're a dominatrix too. I think you have it in you. 0:07:40.840 --> 0:07:44.000 Would you be interested in playing with me? And by 0:07:44.040 --> 0:07:48.040 playing with him specifically him he was a domestic slave 0:07:48.680 --> 0:07:52.360 so or domestic submissive, you know, And so he was 0:07:52.400 --> 0:07:56.080 into cleaning my house. My house, I had a studio 0:07:56.120 --> 0:07:59.280 apartment at the time, so but he paid me fifty 0:07:59.280 --> 0:08:03.040 dollars to paint, to clean my entire apartment, you know, 0:08:03.080 --> 0:08:05.880 the whole, like scrubbing my toilet and the tub and 0:08:06.600 --> 0:08:10.440 my whole place. And I would just boss him around, 0:08:10.720 --> 0:08:13.600 tell him you miss a spot right there, you miss 0:08:13.680 --> 0:08:15.400 a spot right there on the floor. And then I 0:08:15.400 --> 0:08:17.920 would take an implement from my kitchen, like a like 0:08:17.960 --> 0:08:20.320 a wooden spoon or something and and spank him on 0:08:20.360 --> 0:08:23.040 the ass with it, you know, stuff like that. So punishments. 0:08:23.040 --> 0:08:27.320 He would get punishments for um getting stuff wrong, you know, 0:08:27.480 --> 0:08:37.360 And so that's a part of the discipline. There are 0:08:37.679 --> 0:08:41.120 different levels to this, you know. Everybody's level of kinkiness 0:08:41.280 --> 0:08:45.080 or b DSM may be different and may not all 0:08:45.120 --> 0:08:48.160 be to that extent. You know, Some may like get 0:08:48.200 --> 0:08:51.920 a little bit more intense than others exactly, you know. 0:08:52.000 --> 0:08:54.320 And for example, just give a different a couple of 0:08:54.360 --> 0:08:57.880 examples of different levels of BDSM, because I know there's 0:08:57.880 --> 0:09:01.079 some they like to wear the latex, some like the bondage, 0:09:01.160 --> 0:09:04.160 some like to just wear the panties, some like give 0:09:04.240 --> 0:09:07.520 us some examples of the category. If coined the term 0:09:07.520 --> 0:09:11.480 called kink, kink sexuality like one word king sexuality, you 0:09:11.520 --> 0:09:15.360 know how like homosexuality head or sexuality is one word. 0:09:15.559 --> 0:09:18.680 I've coined the term. It's not like official yet, but 0:09:18.800 --> 0:09:21.480 I'm trying to get it out there because I believe 0:09:21.559 --> 0:09:24.640 that people are born kinky, like it's your sexual orientation, 0:09:25.160 --> 0:09:27.680 you know. So, like you were saying Amara that there's 0:09:27.720 --> 0:09:30.520 people you're curious about people who are very very kinky 0:09:31.120 --> 0:09:35.400 versus very very maybe they're just curious or something like that. 0:09:35.840 --> 0:09:38.120 So if you if you look at it like on 0:09:38.120 --> 0:09:41.600 a spectrum, very very kinky or like one percent kinki 0:09:41.679 --> 0:09:44.120 is over here on this end, and then very vanilla 0:09:44.760 --> 0:09:47.360 is over on this end, and vanilla would be something like, 0:09:47.840 --> 0:09:51.079 you like missionary sex. You don't like getting freaky at all. 0:09:51.400 --> 0:09:56.040 You just like to you know, just traditional sex, traditional sex. 0:09:56.200 --> 0:09:58.840 I love me some missionary. Hold up, some missionary can 0:09:58.880 --> 0:10:01.679 be very very nice. So you know, like somebody like 0:10:01.760 --> 0:10:05.360 you Amara might be like right in the middle, right, 0:10:05.600 --> 0:10:08.200 you might be right fifty percent. You could be like, 0:10:08.400 --> 0:10:11.920 I'm down for exploring King, I'm down for exploring Vanilla. 0:10:12.080 --> 0:10:15.120 I'm open either away. That would be something like in 0:10:15.160 --> 0:10:18.240 the vanilla world called bisexuality. You're not all the way 0:10:18.280 --> 0:10:21.280 over to homosexuality. You're not all the way over to hetero. 0:10:21.559 --> 0:10:23.640 You're in the middle, you know what I mean. It's 0:10:23.679 --> 0:10:25.840 like a spectrum, just like that. I think it's important 0:10:25.840 --> 0:10:28.320 to also be with a with a partner personally, with 0:10:28.360 --> 0:10:31.600 all due respect for everybody who's into orgies and you know, 0:10:31.840 --> 0:10:35.680 whatever it is threesomes. I've never had one. It's personally 0:10:35.760 --> 0:10:37.920 not my thing per se, but I've never had when 0:10:37.920 --> 0:10:40.600 I don't know, but I do like to explore with 0:10:40.640 --> 0:10:43.440 that one person I'm with. With this one person i'm with, 0:10:43.480 --> 0:10:45.680 I'm willing to try everything. Throw me from one side 0:10:45.720 --> 0:10:48.320 of the room to the other, you know, spang me 0:10:48.400 --> 0:10:51.000 this that you want to, I don't know whatever. Let's 0:10:51.080 --> 0:10:52.719 I'm with it because it's just you and me, and 0:10:52.760 --> 0:10:55.920 I feel comfortable enough that it stays between us. It's 0:10:55.960 --> 0:10:58.280 not like a whole bunch of people. And then obviously, 0:10:58.400 --> 0:11:01.240 as a public space, you kind of also have to 0:11:01.280 --> 0:11:05.839 be a little bit more. You know, this screeks. But 0:11:06.200 --> 0:11:09.200 I do think that you should be sexually open, not 0:11:09.400 --> 0:11:11.480 be afraid. If you have it in your mind and 0:11:11.520 --> 0:11:15.120 the curiosity is there, why not explore it, don't you know. 0:11:15.720 --> 0:11:18.480 Don't take that as if you have an issue or 0:11:18.520 --> 0:11:20.880 I mean, we'll wait. There's some things that I might 0:11:20.920 --> 0:11:23.160 be like, okay, well maybe we have to discuss this. 0:11:23.480 --> 0:11:25.520 But I still do think that you should be open 0:11:25.640 --> 0:11:28.600 enough to try and stuff. I told my mom because 0:11:28.640 --> 0:11:30.559 my mom and I my mom is my best friend 0:11:30.720 --> 0:11:32.680 and I tell her everything. And I told my mom, 0:11:32.800 --> 0:11:34.640 you know, when I'm having sex, I like to get slapped, 0:11:34.840 --> 0:11:37.559 and she's like, in your face, I'm like, yeah, slap me, 0:11:37.760 --> 0:11:40.160 spit in my face, took me, and you know, she 0:11:40.360 --> 0:11:43.480 was like, you have problems, like this is not normal? 0:11:43.920 --> 0:11:45.800 Da da da, And I'm like, I don't think there's 0:11:45.840 --> 0:11:48.120 anything wrong with it. When you're in your sexual moment, 0:11:48.480 --> 0:11:50.959 you kind of come ok. You know, when you're done, 0:11:51.120 --> 0:11:54.120 I'm sometimes to be like, what the hell was that? 0:11:54.120 --> 0:11:56.600 That was too much? But in the moment, you're just 0:11:56.760 --> 0:12:00.240 having fun exactly. Oh, in the moment, you're right, You're 0:12:00.240 --> 0:12:02.480 absolutely right. So when we go into when I go 0:12:02.520 --> 0:12:05.960 into scenes, I call the media sm scenes. You know, 0:12:06.000 --> 0:12:09.920 when we're in a scene, it's like you're I'm For example, 0:12:10.000 --> 0:12:13.320 a very common roleplay would be I'm I'm mistress and 0:12:13.360 --> 0:12:16.640 then my submissive is my slave. That's the most common dynamic, 0:12:16.760 --> 0:12:19.280 right there could be something also, a different dyam dynamic 0:12:19.360 --> 0:12:22.960 would be like teacher and student or um. You know, 0:12:22.960 --> 0:12:26.400 you get the mom, nurse and patient. I am, yes, 0:12:26.520 --> 0:12:30.160 I've done mom and all these roleplays. I'm always the 0:12:30.200 --> 0:12:34.480 dominant role right um. And so when in a scene, 0:12:34.720 --> 0:12:40.720 any scene, mistress, slave, mommy, son, whatever, you're in the 0:12:40.760 --> 0:12:44.000 scene and it's real. It feels so real. It feels 0:12:44.000 --> 0:12:47.360 like you're in the moment, everything's so hot and you're open. 0:12:47.559 --> 0:12:50.559 You're more open during a scene than any other time 0:12:51.040 --> 0:12:53.679 when you're outside of it because you're in that um 0:12:53.760 --> 0:12:57.800 you're all your adrenaline and the endorphins or in all 0:12:57.840 --> 0:13:02.000 the serotonin, all your different neurochemicals are firing. So it 0:13:02.040 --> 0:13:06.199 feels very exciting when does the scene stop. Because for example, 0:13:06.360 --> 0:13:09.480 for you, because you're the dominant, you you know when 0:13:09.520 --> 0:13:12.680 it's over, like boom, it's done. For those that maybe 0:13:12.720 --> 0:13:15.400 the slave or maybe on the other side, do they 0:13:15.520 --> 0:13:18.360 sometimes have an issue cutting it off or disconnecting or 0:13:18.440 --> 0:13:20.559 like they don't have to worry about it. The dominant 0:13:20.640 --> 0:13:23.520 is in control of everything. The dominant begins the scene, 0:13:23.520 --> 0:13:25.880 that the dominant closes the scene. It's very important for 0:13:25.880 --> 0:13:29.560 the dom to close the scene like at the end 0:13:29.559 --> 0:13:32.680 of it. So the scene is similar to like a 0:13:32.760 --> 0:13:39.360 vanilla sex sex session where you know, there's the four play, right, 0:13:39.360 --> 0:13:41.480 there's four play so it kind of warms it up 0:13:41.559 --> 0:13:45.640 and then you get up into the peak sexual part 0:13:45.640 --> 0:13:47.760 where it's very very exciting, you know, and then it 0:13:47.880 --> 0:13:50.440 kind of like wanes down right, you get into the cuddling, 0:13:50.480 --> 0:13:52.800 you get into all that. So we have terms for 0:13:52.840 --> 0:13:54.880 all of that. We have terms for all of that. 0:13:54.920 --> 0:13:59.280 We presene negotiation. We talk, we warm up, we get 0:13:59.320 --> 0:14:03.240 to know each other, and then scene starts, like the 0:14:03.320 --> 0:14:08.200 dom says, okay, we're in role now. You know, when 0:14:08.200 --> 0:14:11.160 we enter the other room, role begins. So world begins, 0:14:11.559 --> 0:14:14.280 and then we go through the whole scene and then 0:14:14.320 --> 0:14:17.360 you know, like whatever whatever intense stuff we want to 0:14:17.360 --> 0:14:20.720 do in the middle, and we weighed down and then 0:14:20.760 --> 0:14:23.400 it lightens up and end. At the end, I say 0:14:23.440 --> 0:14:26.800 to my slave, you know, there could be an orgasm 0:14:26.920 --> 0:14:29.000 or something like that. There could be, there doesn't have 0:14:29.040 --> 0:14:31.720 to be. But at the end of the scene, you 0:14:31.760 --> 0:14:34.560 were such a good slave for me. You took so 0:14:34.640 --> 0:14:37.360 much pain for me. You did you know, I would 0:14:37.360 --> 0:14:39.640 love to train you again. You did a good job. 0:14:40.080 --> 0:14:42.920 Good slave. So that kind of closes a scene. You know, 0:14:43.320 --> 0:14:46.000 you don't want to beat somebody and just leave it 0:14:46.080 --> 0:14:48.800 like that. That would be not a good way to end. 0:14:49.000 --> 0:14:51.240 You know, you never want to end it like in 0:14:51.280 --> 0:14:54.720 a heightened part like that. It's not good. It's not 0:14:54.720 --> 0:14:57.040 good mentally, bring it down. Have you ever been a 0:14:57.080 --> 0:15:02.200 slave yourself? So when I I was training to be Dominatrix, 0:15:02.600 --> 0:15:06.200 I had two mentors they were. They were famous and 0:15:06.280 --> 0:15:11.600 legendary in La Mistress Miss Sabrina Belladonna and Mistress Silsa's stricks. 0:15:12.120 --> 0:15:14.480 So I went through a whole training program with them 0:15:14.520 --> 0:15:17.720 for about a year and a half. Um And during 0:15:17.720 --> 0:15:20.200 that time, I said, I want to know what it 0:15:20.200 --> 0:15:22.520 feels like to be a slave in a session. And 0:15:22.560 --> 0:15:24.800 so I went to one of my mentors, mister Silsa, 0:15:24.920 --> 0:15:27.680 and I said, you know, I want you to do 0:15:27.760 --> 0:15:30.680 everything to me. Treat me like a slave, beat me 0:15:30.760 --> 0:15:33.440 with me, put me in bondage. I want to feel it, 0:15:33.560 --> 0:15:36.280 you know, so so you can understand what you know, 0:15:36.320 --> 0:15:39.280 what you're making the other person feel, and how the 0:15:39.400 --> 0:15:42.800 how was the experience for you personally? So um, so 0:15:42.840 --> 0:15:47.200 it was a two hour scene. Um, and she she 0:15:47.360 --> 0:15:50.040 did stuff to me like she she wanted to treat 0:15:50.080 --> 0:15:54.600 me like a slave, you know. But for me it 0:15:54.680 --> 0:15:58.400 wasn't really a turn on. So I realized that it wasn't. 0:15:58.440 --> 0:16:00.880 I wasn't a submissive. I am not a submissive. I 0:16:00.880 --> 0:16:03.800 could bottom, you know, I could bottom. I don't bottom 0:16:03.920 --> 0:16:07.239 very often. But what I loved about it was being flogged, 0:16:08.120 --> 0:16:11.280 and um, that was a part I love the most, 0:16:11.360 --> 0:16:15.440 was being flogged. I was wouldn't be heavy bond flogged. Um. 0:16:15.440 --> 0:16:18.840 So there's there's these things called floggers where there's um, 0:16:18.840 --> 0:16:23.680 there's a handle and then there's a bunch of swede tails. Yeah, 0:16:23.920 --> 0:16:26.600 and it's you know like it could be it could 0:16:26.640 --> 0:16:28.800 if you did it softly, it could feel like a massage. 0:16:29.160 --> 0:16:30.800 But no, you get a little better beat it. You 0:16:30.840 --> 0:16:34.560 gotta be I've done it. Yeah, good, good, you don't 0:16:35.840 --> 0:16:40.680 am I am I getting to know it was at 0:16:40.720 --> 0:16:43.520 the time a lot of them. I am sure you've 0:16:43.560 --> 0:16:45.920 done things that you don't know the actual term of it, 0:16:46.280 --> 0:16:49.520 and you might be closer into this than you actually know. 0:16:50.240 --> 0:16:53.880 M So there you go through the flogging. Yeah, the 0:16:53.920 --> 0:16:57.880 flogging felt amazing to me because it was like, you know, 0:16:57.920 --> 0:17:00.280 she did it at the right pace. She warmed me up. 0:17:00.520 --> 0:17:02.480 It slowly because you have to do it correctly. There's 0:17:02.520 --> 0:17:05.639 a technique. So people can't just pick up a flogger 0:17:05.680 --> 0:17:08.240 and start beating their partner. No, you can't just go 0:17:08.359 --> 0:17:11.600 hard from the beginning. That's incorrect technique. You gonna warm 0:17:11.600 --> 0:17:13.720 it up, Warm it up, Warm up the body, warm 0:17:13.800 --> 0:17:15.320 up the skin. You bring the blood to the surface 0:17:15.359 --> 0:17:17.760 of the skin. It's usually like on the back on 0:17:17.840 --> 0:17:21.320 the ass. You could flog lightly on the front, but lightly, 0:17:21.560 --> 0:17:24.320 you know, lightly, so on my back. I was flogged 0:17:24.359 --> 0:17:27.240 very She got to a point where she flogged me 0:17:27.280 --> 0:17:31.120 pretty hard again, working it up, working it up until 0:17:31.119 --> 0:17:33.960 we got to the point where I was producing indoor fins, right, 0:17:34.280 --> 0:17:37.560 And when you produce indoor fins, oh, it starts feeling 0:17:37.600 --> 0:17:40.600 really good. You start wanting and you start wanting more. 0:17:41.800 --> 0:17:44.000 And so she flogged me to the point where I 0:17:44.000 --> 0:17:48.840 had bruises on my back or over a week. It 0:17:48.880 --> 0:17:50.840 was nice. It was like, oh, look, I got flogged. 0:17:58.760 --> 0:18:02.199 Has anybody ever pagged? I don't know what pegging is. 0:18:02.680 --> 0:18:06.119 Pegging goes on all the time and teach Charlie what 0:18:06.240 --> 0:18:10.000 pegging is. I've only done. But it was very empowering. Well, 0:18:10.080 --> 0:18:13.040 this person requested it. I'm not necessarily like, oh yeah, 0:18:13.119 --> 0:18:15.119 let me go peg, you know, he requested it, and 0:18:15.119 --> 0:18:17.439 I was like, sure, I'd rather you to ask me 0:18:17.560 --> 0:18:21.280 than ask somebody else, so I'll try it. It was 0:18:21.400 --> 0:18:24.399 very empowering because I had never done it and seeing 0:18:24.440 --> 0:18:27.159 that I was pleasuring this, you know, this person, he 0:18:27.240 --> 0:18:31.800 wasn't my partner at the time. Um afterwards, I did 0:18:33.000 --> 0:18:34.920 because I'm telling you when you're in the moment, it's 0:18:34.960 --> 0:18:37.680 like oh yeah. But when you're done, that's when you 0:18:37.800 --> 0:18:41.840 kind of like hmm. You can't say you don't like 0:18:41.920 --> 0:18:43.879 something too. You've done it. I tried it. It's not 0:18:43.920 --> 0:18:46.440 really my thing, but I did it. I can say, 0:18:46.520 --> 0:18:50.040 check done that. So Arlene, UM, I don't know if 0:18:50.040 --> 0:18:51.840 you want to try this, but just check it out. 0:18:52.640 --> 0:18:56.400 Let's see what is what is it? Okay? So pegging 0:18:56.560 --> 0:18:58.639 is a term that came up. I mean when I 0:18:58.720 --> 0:19:00.919 first started, Like I said, I I've been a dominatrix. 0:19:01.000 --> 0:19:04.480 I've been a professional for twenty four years now, twenty 0:19:04.520 --> 0:19:07.520 four years, um, and so when I first started in 0:19:07.560 --> 0:19:11.760 the profession, it wasn't called pegging. It was called anal 0:19:11.760 --> 0:19:15.000 play strap on play, strap on play. They turned it 0:19:15.040 --> 0:19:17.760 into pegging somehow somewhere along the line. I don't know, 0:19:18.200 --> 0:19:19.960 I don't remember. I don't know when, ten years ago, 0:19:20.200 --> 0:19:23.160 who knows, but um, but that's that's the term now 0:19:23.320 --> 0:19:26.199 that they used. So, so Arlene, you know what strap on? 0:19:26.320 --> 0:19:29.480 Play with that with that strap on? Yes? Yeah, so 0:19:29.520 --> 0:19:31.919 what I mean my twenties, I was more curious about that. 0:19:32.040 --> 0:19:34.000 Now that I'm getting older, I'm like, I don't know, 0:19:34.000 --> 0:19:36.760 if I can physically handle it, but in my twenties. 0:19:37.359 --> 0:19:40.639 But it's not. It's not the step for women to 0:19:40.680 --> 0:19:48.040 give yes because oh yeah I got that part. Yes, yeah, yeah, 0:19:48.680 --> 0:19:50.720 you know telling your partner. Now listen, I have this 0:19:50.720 --> 0:19:52.680 strap on my bought. I want to try it on you. 0:19:52.680 --> 0:19:58.440 You know, I'm kidding. I'm really curious about this dynamic 0:19:58.480 --> 0:20:03.400 about women getting into their own as far as this 0:20:03.560 --> 0:20:09.080 dominant role, because traditionally women weren't really allowed to explore 0:20:09.200 --> 0:20:15.199 their sexual feelings and desires, and so now you know, 0:20:15.280 --> 0:20:19.240 moving into this more dominant role, it can be very feel, 0:20:19.359 --> 0:20:24.080 very powerful, explore those Yeah, you tell us a little 0:20:24.119 --> 0:20:28.000 bit about how that all fits in in my dom journey. 0:20:28.080 --> 0:20:31.520 I call it a dom dom journey. Um. So, I 0:20:31.560 --> 0:20:33.600 grew up in La but I grew up in a 0:20:33.680 --> 0:20:40.439 very traditional Chinese household, right, so it was for my 0:20:40.560 --> 0:20:44.320 parents what they wanted and to all Chinese parents, you know, 0:20:44.359 --> 0:20:46.840 when they come from the tradition, they want their children 0:20:46.880 --> 0:20:49.920 to be quiet and demure, especially if you're a girl. Demure, 0:20:50.160 --> 0:20:53.960 quiet and so um, they kind of trained me to 0:20:54.000 --> 0:20:57.400 be a very shy child because that was seen as 0:20:57.440 --> 0:20:59.600 a you know, this is quality, this is what you 0:21:00.080 --> 0:21:02.800 want if you're boisterous and you're this and that, that 0:21:02.880 --> 0:21:09.760 doesn't that doesn't seem or lady like, you know, lady like, 0:21:10.080 --> 0:21:13.520 and there's a Chinese term for it, ladylike. Right, And 0:21:13.560 --> 0:21:15.800 so I was brought up like this where I never 0:21:15.920 --> 0:21:20.400 spoke my feelings. I didn't speak my opinions. It just 0:21:20.640 --> 0:21:23.280 was like that I held everything inside. But I held 0:21:23.320 --> 0:21:25.840 everything so bottled up that by the time I got 0:21:25.880 --> 0:21:30.480 to teenage years, I completely rebelled. And we don't have 0:21:30.520 --> 0:21:35.399 to get into that, but I was this really rebellious teenager, okay, 0:21:35.520 --> 0:21:39.280 And then when I discovered being a dominatrix in my 0:21:39.400 --> 0:21:44.760 early adulthood, I was like, it felt really well. First 0:21:44.760 --> 0:21:46.560 of all, when I got when I had a boyfriend, 0:21:46.640 --> 0:21:49.280 my first boyfriend, I was sixteen, I was very bossy 0:21:49.359 --> 0:21:52.199 and controlling and it felt good to boss him around 0:21:52.280 --> 0:21:55.760 because I was always this dominant person inside, but I 0:21:55.800 --> 0:21:57.959 didn't have a place to express it. And so it 0:21:57.960 --> 0:22:01.120 feels very empowering to do that. Not only to use 0:22:01.119 --> 0:22:03.480 the implements that feels very empowering. To or the strap on, 0:22:03.560 --> 0:22:06.520 it feels very empowering, but to use your voice and 0:22:06.600 --> 0:22:09.440 to order them around, get on your knees in front 0:22:09.440 --> 0:22:11.800 of me, worship my feet, you know, stuff like that. 0:22:12.760 --> 0:22:16.720 And you know it's healthy because that is what they want. 0:22:16.720 --> 0:22:20.040 That is what they crave. It's the that's what they Yeah, 0:22:20.040 --> 0:22:25.080 they want that, it's yes, and so there's no there's 0:22:25.119 --> 0:22:27.920 nothing wrong about it. It's healthy. Healthy on both ends. 0:22:28.080 --> 0:22:31.040 You're expressing yourself on the dominant end, they are receiving 0:22:31.080 --> 0:22:33.320 what they need on the other on the submissive end. 0:22:33.640 --> 0:22:37.760 And nobody's judging anybody. You know, um, my mom's always 0:22:37.760 --> 0:22:40.240 told me this because I've seen her and my mom 0:22:40.280 --> 0:22:43.719