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Speaker 1: My ex cheated and left me at the altar two

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Speaker 1: years ago. He wants to talk, but maybe I don't.

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Speaker 1: Am I the a hole? Yes, you're the a hole

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Speaker 1: for him cheating, because maybe you should have just done

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Speaker 1: better and he wouldn't cheated. My twenty eight female ex fiance, Derek,

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Speaker 1: Fuck you Derek. Yeah, thirty two male disappeared the morning

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Speaker 1: of our wedding two years ago, evading all attempts to

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Speaker 1: reach him.

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Speaker 2: Wow from myself and his family because he's dead. Ooh,

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Speaker 2: that would be a tough plot to us. It was devastating,

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Speaker 2: absolutely soul crushing. The event turned into a party to

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Speaker 2: distract from the pain of the unknown. Afterwards, I returned

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Speaker 2: to our apartment and slept on the bathroom floor in

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Speaker 2: my wedding dress.

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Speaker 3: Oh that is the most tragic scene ever.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, a woman crying on a bathroom floor in her

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Speaker 1: wedding dress alone.

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Speaker 3: And falling asleep because she's just there for so long.

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Speaker 3: That's so sad. I am sorry. I would be tough.

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Speaker 3: It was quite the ugly sight, to be honest.

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Speaker 1: His mother ended up coming to the apartment when she

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Speaker 1: informed me tearfully that Derek had run off with an

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Speaker 1: x of his Wow. So not only did he leave

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Speaker 1: her at the altar, he left her for somebody else.

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Speaker 1: Derek really just liked I mean that ex just snuck in.

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Speaker 1: He was like, hey, let me save you the trouble

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Speaker 1: of his whole someone hav any objection then.

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Speaker 3: Being like, you must cut this off, like lot key

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Speaker 3: the riz.

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Speaker 1: You gotta have to riz up someone moments before they

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Speaker 1: get married.

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Speaker 3: Hats off to you.

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Speaker 1: They had apparently reconnected a week prior to the wedding,

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Speaker 1: and he just couldn't go through with this.

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Speaker 3: Whoa a week? Come on, that's a riz.

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Speaker 1: Come on, make a man riz Like there has to

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Speaker 1: be a better word to describe. That's why rizz, opting

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Speaker 1: instead to rekindle his relationship with his ex. His family

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Speaker 1: was horrified. I didn't hear from him until three months

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Speaker 1: after he left. He called me, apologized, and then revealed

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Speaker 1: that his ex had been hiding his child from him,

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Speaker 1: that he just found out about whoa dude, that's complicated.

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Speaker 1: That's complicated, but you shouldn't run off with her. I

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Speaker 1: could see him being like, I just found out I

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Speaker 1: have a child and I'm confused. I'm so sorry, but like,

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Speaker 1: let's just like I need some time, not running off

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Speaker 1: on the day of the wedding when she's like in

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Speaker 1: her gown and like makeup and everyone's there.

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Speaker 3: You know what I'm saying.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm not saying it's necessarily even wrong for him

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Speaker 1: to like find out about the kid in question everything. Yeah, no,

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Speaker 1: but no, it is wrong to run off at a wedding.

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Speaker 1: That's pretty much all that was said. I didn't say much, actually,

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Speaker 1: I only said hello. The whole situation left me numb.

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Speaker 1: I just didn't care anymore. Thankfully, though, my friends were

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Speaker 1: and continue to be there for me through all of

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Speaker 1: this muck. They encouraged me to seek therapy and work

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Speaker 1: on healing. Those are good friends, which I'll be honest

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Speaker 1: was terribly difficult. But after a year I felt myself again,

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Speaker 1: which brings me to today. After this whole de BAC

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Speaker 1: and subsequent self improvement slash rebuilding, I moved to the UK.

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Speaker 3: I'm originally from Australia.

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Speaker 1: OOO.

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Speaker 3: We love an Australian battie. Yoh. I heard you single?

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Speaker 3: Last night I got a message request on Instagram. It

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Speaker 3: was Derek fuck you, Derek, Derek hey, white hand wave emoji.

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Speaker 1: I've heard you. Move to Wales. That's so cool. I'm

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Speaker 1: traveling to Cardiff towards the end of July. I'm deeply

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Speaker 1: sorry about everything, and I want to discuss what happened

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Speaker 1: leading up to the wedding. I hope I'm not overwhelming.

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Speaker 1: You let me know if you like to talk over lunch.

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Speaker 1: Bro fucking gow, are you kidding me? I mean yeah,

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Speaker 1: like it is a nice text if he didn't leave

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Speaker 1: her at the fucking altar exactly, dude, I'm so sorry

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Speaker 1: I missed it, like would have loved to been there,

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Speaker 1: But you know, like the kid and everything, I just

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Speaker 1: started thinking.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, you know how you know how I get when.

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Speaker 1: I think, yup, I do things like leave you at

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Speaker 1: the altar.

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Speaker 3: Firstly, no idea who told him about my move?

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Speaker 1: Secondly, I don't know if I crave closure from him.

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Speaker 1: But I also don't want to decide to decline to

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Speaker 1: only later regret my decision. So I turn to you,

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Speaker 1: strangers of the internet. Akay, you buys, What should I

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Speaker 1: think about before reaching a decision? Would it be wise

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Speaker 1: to decline or should I honor him and listen to

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Speaker 1: his reasons? There is a juicy update.

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Speaker 3: Oh no, there is, Yeah, there's a juicy update. Okay,

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Speaker 3: I thoughts, thoughts, Your thoughts, my thoughts. I want to

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Speaker 3: know everyone else's thoughts. Put your answers to the comments below.

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Speaker 1: But my first thought is, fuck, no, you don't owe

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Speaker 1: this cocksucking, suck throbbing and dick guy anything. Nope, nothing, zeriratta. Literally,

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Speaker 1: he left you at the altar. The ball is in

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Speaker 1: your court. You if you need closure, go for it.

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Speaker 3: Girl.

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Speaker 1: If you want to heal and this will open up

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Speaker 1: a wound that is is scabbing over and and and

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Speaker 1: scar and getting that scar tissue in there and like

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Speaker 1: healing up, then do that. I think whatever op he

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Speaker 1: feels she needs to heal, she should do. I don't

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Speaker 1: really think this guy deserves any consideration. I get the

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Speaker 1: message was you know it could be good in many

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Speaker 1: other scenarios. But if you're like, oh, hey, i'm traveling

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Speaker 1: through heard you win here, hope it was great? Like yeah,

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Speaker 1: I would I would put a fucking a couple sories

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Speaker 1: in there.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I would lead with like, uh, you know this

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Speaker 3: is what I would lead with.

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Speaker 1: Hey, I know you probably don't want to talk to

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Speaker 1: me right now, and if that's true, just ignore this text.

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Speaker 1: But I know you're going to be here. I'm also

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Speaker 1: going to be here if you want to talk. I

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Speaker 1: would love to see him. That makes it feel like

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Speaker 1: he's like not serious. Yeah, it also makes it feel

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Speaker 1: like he's not acknowledging the shitty thing that he did. Yes,

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Speaker 1: one hundred percent, but let's see what happens. Wow, this

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Speaker 1: garnered far more intention than I anticipated, So bear with

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Speaker 1: me as I try to navigate this advice. Although the

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Speaker 1: general consensus is quite clear, I have learned that an

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Speaker 1: old mutual friend of ours revealed where I moved, and

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Speaker 1: evidently he's stressing that he needs to tell me something.

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Speaker 3: He's pregnant. He's pregnant.

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Speaker 1: For the time being, I've decided to simply ignore his

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Speaker 1: message and work through any emerging feelings with my therapist.

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Speaker 3: And the final update.

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Speaker 1: Hello everyone. I did update in my original post, da

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Speaker 1: luss you, So, as I previously mentioned, I decided to

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Speaker 1: not respond to his message. A day after, however, I

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Speaker 1: received another message from him. He apologized for how disingenuous.

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Speaker 1: His original message.

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Speaker 3: Was thank you.

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Speaker 1: Finally this dude has done one thing right, and he

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Speaker 1: explained to me why he reached out to me. Essentially,

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Speaker 1: he wanted to discuss that week, that final week before

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Speaker 1: our wedding, and the events leading up to him dipping out. Now,

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Speaker 1: I will refrain from the entirety delving into my exes

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Speaker 1: and I passed. But my ex fiance was diagnosed with

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Speaker 1: PTSD and avoidant attributions from past experiences. His diagnosis did

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Speaker 1: provide quite a bit of clarity looking back at our

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Speaker 1: relationship and his past behavior. So I truly feel for

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Speaker 1: him in his journey of self feeling. That is pretty

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Speaker 1: pretty damn empathetic of OPI. Yeah, to be empathetic just

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Speaker 1: because he has a diagnosis.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: However, despite his struggles, I still told him that I

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Speaker 1: couldn't forgive him for his callous act of leaving me

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Speaker 1: in a perpetual state of limbo for three months, unsure

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Speaker 1: of why he abandoned me. He said, he understood now,

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Speaker 1: and some of you will be quite mad at me.

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Speaker 1: But I ultimately agreed to meet him for lunch and

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Speaker 1: I don't regret it.

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Speaker 3: Interesting, why don't you regret it, Opie?

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Speaker 1: He is not with his ex Actually, she passed away

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Speaker 1: six months after he left me at the Altar, What

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Speaker 1: my God, which is part of the reason why she

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Speaker 1: reached out to him in the first place. Since then

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Speaker 1: he has been working on himself through therapy and navigating

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Speaker 1: single fatherhood.

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Speaker 3: And yes, the child is his woo.

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Speaker 1: So this ex contacted him and say, hey, I have

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Speaker 1: six months to live and you have a kid.

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Speaker 3: Yep, fuck fuck.

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Speaker 1: Okay, he's still an asshole for not telling Ope about

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Speaker 1: what's going on, But if he did tell Op that

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Speaker 1: I have to leave you, I would understand that.

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Speaker 3: You just explain it. That's it. That's few nick cats man.

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Speaker 3: This is a rollercoaster.

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Speaker 1: The lunch wasn't too long, but it was all around

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Speaker 1: cathartic on both sides. At the end of the lunch,

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Speaker 1: he handed over an envelope which contained all the money

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Speaker 1: we spent preparing for the wedding.

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Speaker 3: The good gesture. Honestly, I was dumbfounded.

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Speaker 1: It wasn't a gesture I was expecting on his behalf,

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Speaker 1: and I think he was taken aback when I returned

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Speaker 1: the ring he gave me.

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Speaker 3: It's funny.

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Speaker 1: I held onto the ring just in case I needed

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Speaker 1: to sell it if my finances continued to be unstable,

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Speaker 1: but I never had to ironic that. In the end,

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Speaker 1: I did receive the money. Whilst seemingly trading that ring

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Speaker 1: he looks better and not to shoot my own horn,

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Speaker 1: but I feel I do as well. Now that chapter

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Speaker 1: has concluded, and I no longer feel rage or remorse.

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Speaker 3: I feel free.

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Speaker 1: I feared that I might have still harbored feelings for him,

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Speaker 1: but I have since found that I loved him for

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Speaker 1: the main he was in that moment when we were together,

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Speaker 1: and though we're now a part, I'm okay with looking

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Speaker 1: back and acknowledging the love I had for him. I've

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Speaker 1: closed that chapter now with him with the woman I

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Speaker 1: was with him. Thank you all so much. Any advice

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Speaker 1: on how I should spend this money I now have, haha,

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Speaker 1: invest it in a brand new wedding. Yeah, but I

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Speaker 1: mean it sounds like it was super cathartic for her.

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Speaker 1: That's actually really nice.

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Speaker 3: I'm very glad.

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Speaker 1: I'm I'm surprised this meetup went so well when it

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Speaker 1: easily could have gone south. I was expecting it to

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Speaker 1: go terribly classy move and for him to return the money.

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Speaker 1: Still such a ditching someone on the wedding though, it's

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Speaker 1: just yeah, no explanation, you know, I think he actually

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Speaker 1: could have ditched the wedding. But he needed some in

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Speaker 1: some context knowing what we do now, what should he

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Speaker 1: have done?

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Speaker 3: What should he have done?

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Speaker 1: I mean, let's say in this hypothetical, there's no I mean,

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Speaker 1: if there's no way or he is one hundred percent

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Speaker 1: going to leave her for.

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Speaker 3: His ex with the child dying X with his child.

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Speaker 1: You sit her down as quickly as possible, and you

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Speaker 1: explain the whole scenario that X reached back out. He

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Speaker 1: is a kid with her, and she's going to pass

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Speaker 1: away in six months. Talk about it immediately, Yeah, like

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Speaker 1: as soon as possible. Okay, now you're the wife, all right, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I say, babe, I just found out for my ex

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Speaker 1: girlfriend that she's going to die in six months and

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Speaker 1: she is taking care of my child. Yeah, babe, six months,

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Speaker 1: she'll be dead. Pause the wedding for six months, let

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Speaker 1: me date her for a while, adopt this kid and everything.

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Speaker 3: God, then let's re up on the wedding.

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Speaker 1: See That's where I'm like, I still you split and

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Speaker 1: then all of a sudden, she has a kid, and

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Speaker 1: now you want to go.

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Speaker 3: I get she said the kid. It's the six months.

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Speaker 1: It's like it's like it's like you know how, like

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Speaker 1: you know how when you're in like high school or

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Speaker 1: college or like you're about to move, you know, and

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Speaker 1: you're like, hey, this relationship is going to end in

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Speaker 1: three months, like let's just have fun.

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Speaker 3: It's like that, oh, that permanent version of that.

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Speaker 1: This guy, like, what do you actually say to that?

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Speaker 1: If you are the wife, like, truly, I'll pass. Go ahead,

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Speaker 1: go crazy for six months.

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Speaker 3: Go crazy for six months. She's going to die. It's

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Speaker 3: his kid.

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Speaker 1: I still don't get it. You could be a father

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Speaker 1: to the kid. Why would he want to? I don't

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Speaker 1: know why he would want to.

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Speaker 3: She's going to die. Guys, I'm not going to win

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Speaker 3: here today. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: I probably wouldn't be down if my girlfriend said, hey,

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Speaker 1: my ex is going to die, Can I bone him

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Speaker 1: for the next six months before we get married, I'd

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Speaker 1: probably say.

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Speaker 3: No, and our like secret love child?

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Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, secret love child. I'm good with the adoption,

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Speaker 1: the boning six months before the wedding. I'm not not

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Speaker 1: the best. Yeah, not the best?

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Speaker 3: What would you do? Put your answers to the comments below,

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Speaker 3: and let's get into this next story. I cheated with

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Speaker 3: a coworker and now we're.

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Speaker 1: Planning on running away together, or at least I am

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Speaker 1: am I the a hole?

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Speaker 3: Damn? You know? We've been working so hard and so long.

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Speaker 1: I work at international live events that take weeks to

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Speaker 1: pull off. I typically coordinate them and work with my

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Speaker 1: team to install and operate. I'm close with my coworkers,

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Speaker 1: but we live across the world and fly into every event.

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Speaker 1: I've met most of my co workers in person, but

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Speaker 1: this event we had someone new working sound, Clint. I'd

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Speaker 1: seen him in zoom calls, but we had an interface

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Speaker 1: directly interface.

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Speaker 3: Oh god.

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Speaker 1: This event was a big one for the company, big

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Speaker 1: headliner and big partners, with a lot of money being

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Speaker 1: tossed around. I arrived at the install, got caught up

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Speaker 1: to speed, met Clint, and got to work. One by one,

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Speaker 1: my co workers were sent off to other events. Clint

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Speaker 1: and I were left to finish everything out.

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Speaker 3: Oh God.

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Speaker 1: But bad weather and huge letdowns by one of our

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Speaker 1: vendors had us in hot water like a hot tup.

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Speaker 1: We started working fifteen to twenty hour days to get

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Speaker 1: everything done on time. After our long haul days, Clinton

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Speaker 1: I would hang out in blaze. Legally, we had a

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Speaker 1: lot in common, and we were vibing in a way

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Speaker 1: that neither of us felt before we were both married unhappily.

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Speaker 1: His wife had a bunch of medical problems and was

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Speaker 1: really good at spa spending money and never leaving school.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, she's trying to.

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Speaker 1: Get an education and is spending all this money on

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Speaker 1: her hospital bills.

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Speaker 3: Go fucking asshole, Jesus.

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Speaker 1: My husband had turned into an angry person, had built

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Speaker 1: up a pile of debt, and was not putting anything

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Speaker 1: into the relationship. It started out platonic, but things got

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Speaker 1: extremely stressful and our sexual tension was started building up.

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Speaker 1: Oh God, the lack of sleep, stress, and my lower

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Speaker 1: tolerance for cannabis left me questioning everything about my life.

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Speaker 1: We both felt like the other person was an extension

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Speaker 1: of ourselves. We were kindred spirits. Slowly Clint started making moves,

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Speaker 1: and suddenly dinners were turning into dates and we were

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Speaker 1: hanging out in each other's hotel rooms. We crossed many,

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Speaker 1: many lines, but right as we crossed the final line,

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Speaker 1: my brain kicked back in and we decided to take

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Speaker 1: care of our lives before going further. So I guess

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Speaker 1: it was like kisses, blow jobs, no sex, But by

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Speaker 1: the time you're there, you're like, she's already John, don't

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Speaker 1: you know?

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Speaker 3: It's not cheating if your genitals aren't touching. Wow, how

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Speaker 3: could I have missed that?

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Speaker 1: I'm kidding, of course, or is he? Over the last

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Speaker 1: few days of the event, Clint and I continued to

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Speaker 1: be close. We made plans to leave our spouses, sell

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Speaker 1: our houses, and travel together. We created a bucket list

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Speaker 1: of places to go, things to do and see together.

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Speaker 1: We even talked about eventually building a little cabin. Clint

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Speaker 1: had planned on getting a tattoo dedicated to me when

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Speaker 1: he returned home.

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Speaker 3: It would be sweet.

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Speaker 1: Talking about getting a tattoo literally means nothing. Hey, Babey John,

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Speaker 1: I'm going to get a tattoo of your face my

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Speaker 1: ball sack.

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Speaker 3: WHOA.

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Speaker 1: That means nothing until I get the ball sack tattoo.

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Speaker 1: At the end of the event, we went our separate

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Speaker 1: ways and captain touch virtually, lots of sexting and unprofessionalism

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Speaker 1: all around.

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Speaker 3: We had agreed we wouldn't.

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Speaker 1: Tell our partners about the affair, as they each have

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Speaker 1: mental health issues, but we planned to divorce and move

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Speaker 1: on with our lives. After a few days at home,

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Speaker 1: I talked with my husband and asked for a divorce.

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Speaker 1: I told him I wanted to move away and start

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Speaker 1: my life over. Clint talked to his wife. The thing

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Speaker 1: for Messier was volatile, and her family made it difficult

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Speaker 1: for Clint to outright leave her. Eventually, I noticed Clint

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Speaker 1: was becoming distant, still sexual, but not emotionally available. He

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Speaker 1: sent me pictures of his new tattoos, which were nothing

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Speaker 1: like what he said he was planning to me. Alarm

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Speaker 1: bells were going off in my head, but I kept

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Speaker 1: plodding along, planning mine. In our escape, Clinton went off

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Speaker 1: to a series of anniversary related dates with his wife,

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Speaker 1: which is never what you want from your side piece. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: that sounds like commitment and we hate that. And he

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Speaker 1: kept leaving me on red. I asked him what was

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Speaker 1: going on a number of times, and finally, after weeks

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Speaker 1: of mixed signals, Clint told me he was having doubts.

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Speaker 1: We video chatted during work, and he told me he

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Speaker 1: owed it to his wife to try and make things worse.

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Speaker 1: To be fair, Op described her husband as like not

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Speaker 1: putting anything in the relationship and being angry. The Clint

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Speaker 1: described his wife as being like sick and learning literally

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Speaker 1: like I feel like OPI tried to spin it the

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Speaker 1: worst way she could, like she's always just spending all

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Speaker 1: his money, like un her medical bills.

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Speaker 3: She has all these.

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Speaker 1: Medical needs and it's like, bro, he's probably paying for

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Speaker 1: her her medical ailments and she's just going to school. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: she's like trying to provide what Now, I'm left up

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Speaker 1: trying to pick up the pieces of my life. Most

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Speaker 1: of my friends are my coworkers, so I have no

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Speaker 1: one to talk about my heartbreak. I don't have the

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Speaker 1: money to fix my problems at home or to leave

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Speaker 1: and live alone in another country. There's no going back

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Speaker 1: with my husband, as I know it would be wrong,

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Speaker 1: and I'm no longer interested in carrying the relationship. I'll

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Speaker 1: see Clint again in a few weeks at another event

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Speaker 1: where we'll likely be left alone for hours at a time,

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Speaker 1: but he plans to stay faithful to his wife. And

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Speaker 1: we never even got to have the mind blowing sex

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Speaker 1: we talked about TLDR. I fooled around with a coworker

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Speaker 1: while traveling for work, got love bombed, made plans to

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Speaker 1: move to another country together, told my husband I wanted

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Speaker 1: a divorce and got left with nothing but bad karma.

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Speaker 3: And that is why you don't cheat on your wife. Yeah, yeah, husband,

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Speaker 3: you can't do it. She also was going to leave

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Speaker 3: her husband anyways.

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Speaker 1: It sounds like she wasn't happy in the marriage, like

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Speaker 1: he wasn't putting anything into the marriage, and so she

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Speaker 1: decided to put out outside of the marriage. Yeah, it

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Speaker 1: sounded like the consolation prize is that she did get

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Speaker 1: out of this unhappy consolation prize divorce divorce.

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Speaker 3: The divorce chance actually worked this time.

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Speaker 1: Hey, the divorce chance sometimes are the best thing, that's true,

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Speaker 1: the only present you need.

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Speaker 3: Love bombing What does that mean to you? Yeah?

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Speaker 1: Can you throw it in the comments? Because I think

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Speaker 1: I may be a love bomber. Oh oh, dropping big loads.

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Speaker 3: I might draw big loads of love on people.

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Speaker 1: You know what I think, And I'll be very curious

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Speaker 1: to hear everyone's opinion. But like it's when it's used

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Speaker 1: more nefariously, maybe like this guy he was like, oh,

385
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Speaker 1: all hot and heavy, Oh let's do all these things,

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Speaker 1: let's leave our partners.

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Speaker 3: And then he's like, nah, the changed my mind. You

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Speaker 3: know what I mean.

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Speaker 1: It's like basically the love without the follow up. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: your answers to the comments. I want to hear what

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Speaker 1: you guys think.

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Speaker 3: We shall see. But you know what else, I want

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Speaker 3: to do, tell me this story. Yes,