Speaker 1: I got a call in the post office from my
Speaker 1: agent in London, going, I want to see you for
Speaker 1: a Bond film. Oh my god. And I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: I'm going to be a Bond girl. And she was like, no,
Speaker 1: you don't suck anyone and you don't kill anyone. He
Speaker 1: just sing a country in western song. I was like, great,
Speaker 1: I'm in, I'm in. And then you were in gold
Speaker 1: and I too, that's right. Actually, my god, look what
Speaker 1: I've got next to me. Here machine, You're on it.
Speaker 1: You're on it. I take you, you bastard. I've seen
Speaker 1: one of these. I'm on the fucking pinball machine in it.
Speaker 1: There you are, Oh my god, on the I'm underneath you. Okay, Alan,
Speaker 1: I can't even believe it. I can't believe that you
Speaker 1: have the pimball to do. The Other thing about that
Speaker 1: film is that it's a video game. I didn't know
Speaker 1: about that until years later. And I had an assistance
Speaker 1: called Landing at the time, and who I said, Landon,
Speaker 1: I'm in a video game. He was like, yeah, I know.
Speaker 1: If you pissed me off, I go home and shoot
Speaker 1: you in the balls. Hello, I'm Mini Driver and welcome
Speaker 1: to many questions I've always loved prus questionnaire. It was
Speaker 1: originally an eighteenth century parlor game meant to reveal an
Speaker 1: individual's true nature. But with so many questions, there wasn't
Speaker 1: really an opportunity to expand on anything. So I took
Speaker 1: the format of Pruce's questionnaire and adapted What I think
Speaker 1: are seven of the most important questions you could ever
Speaker 1: ask someone. They are when and where were you happiest?
Speaker 1: What is the quality you like least about yourself? What relationship,
Speaker 1: real or fictionalized, defines love for you? What question would
Speaker 1: you most like answered, What person, place, or experience has
Speaker 1: shaped you the most? What would be your last meal?
Speaker 1: And can you tell me something in your life that
Speaker 1: has grown out of a personal disaster. The more people
Speaker 1: we ask, the more we begin to see what makes
Speaker 1: us similar and what makes us individual. I've gathered a
Speaker 1: group of really remarkable people who I am honored and
Speaker 1: humbled to have had a chance to engage with. My
Speaker 1: guest today is Alan Coming. He is an actor in
Speaker 1: movies like X Men and in the TV show The
Speaker 1: Good Wife. He is an author, He has an O
Speaker 1: b E, and he has a podcaster. He's also an articulate,
Speaker 1: powerful voice in and for the LGBTQ community, and he's
Speaker 1: been my friend for thirty years. We made the short
Speaker 1: film together called That Sunday in the early nineties. It's
Speaker 1: worth having a dig and finding it if you can,
Speaker 1: along with the film Circle of Friends and then Gold
Speaker 1: and I. I had a hard time not constantly interrupting
Speaker 1: and finishing his sentences in this interview, largely because my
Speaker 1: brain likes to go down the same pathways as Alan's,
Speaker 1: which is to say, off the main road and deep
Speaker 1: into glorious woodland. He is a deep and generous soul
Speaker 1: and has a way of sharing the painful parts of
Speaker 1: his past with great compassion and great humor. What relationship,
Speaker 1: real or fictionalized, defines love for you? Well? Is it
Speaker 1: you and me encircle or friends? What did they call you? Again? Yea?
Speaker 1: What did it you call me? I can remember holder,
Speaker 1: I can see it, remember, says in a bit of
Speaker 1: the Succulent Bird. But that wasn't about talking about the chicken.
Speaker 1: What do you think? As I was loading? But at
Speaker 1: the end, I say something awful to you. He called
Speaker 1: me something bit and I can't rememberd it? Yeah? Yeah,
Speaker 1: But back to love, unconditional love. I think with Grant Schaeffer,
Speaker 1: my husband upstairs, not that I've got another one downstairs,
Speaker 1: but you know what I mean, I was going to say,
Speaker 1: show me the one on the basement. I feel I've
Speaker 1: reached a point with him after so long where it's
Speaker 1: you know, it pisces me off. But I just feel
Speaker 1: this completely solid, true thing that I just can't imagine
Speaker 1: we can get over anything. Does that define love for you,
Speaker 1: that notion of solid unconditional love, unconditional love it, yes,
Speaker 1: I think, yeah, because I have no matter what happens,
Speaker 1: I'm going to have this love right, no matter the circumstances,
Speaker 1: the vagaries of the circumstance in life exactly. But then, actually,
Speaker 1: what I would say is more unconditional love is my
Speaker 1: relationship with dogs. So I've got La Lah and Jerry upstairs,
Speaker 1: and I'm very attached to La La, and prottached them both.
Speaker 1: But you know, I think I'm more of a special
Speaker 1: relationship with La La. And I had my dog Honey
Speaker 1: before that. There's a sort of statue of her over
Speaker 1: there on a little deck. Who was my longest adult relationship.
Speaker 1: I mean, like Grant has now superseded her, but she
Speaker 1: was the longest relationship I had through thick and thin,
Speaker 1: terrible things in my life. That was a true, unconditional love.
Speaker 1: And I talked about her all the time. Actually she's
Speaker 1: she's sort of very pleasant in our life. And then
Speaker 1: she's in the portrait of me at the Scottish National
Speaker 1: Portrait Girl that is she's referenced the one that replaced
Speaker 1: the queen. Yes, and replaced the queen. I love that
Speaker 1: your portrait replaced the queen. They brought the queen. Let
Speaker 1: the queen was blanket over there, taken into somebody, put
Speaker 1: the queen down and they put another clean up in
Speaker 1: set your queen jokes here. They moved me around the
Speaker 1: last time. I think I was in between Tilda Swinton
Speaker 1: and Nanny Lennox. So that's a nice sandwich. Oh my god,
Speaker 1: that's the best sandwich ever. But but Honey's in that portrait.
Speaker 1: But she's yes, because she died just before I got
Speaker 1: painted and the guy was asking me about things. So
Speaker 1: there's a little jar beside me and it says honey
Speaker 1: on it in a picture. Oh my god, it's ashes. No, No,
Speaker 1: it's just a jar. I just put it into the picture.
Speaker 1: Ashes are upstair. I was gonna say, was it her
Speaker 1: ashes that just said honey? No, actually was a jar
Speaker 1: of honey. Yes, it's the jar Fanny, but it says
Speaker 1: honey on it, and then it says yes, yes, yes,
Speaker 1: Because I was really sad about this Scotch independence thing
Speaker 1: had gone the wrong way. What was hilarious was I'm
Speaker 1: wearing this kilt around my neck in the portrait and
Speaker 1: it was unveiled at the Scott's National Portragarity in the
Speaker 1: big main place to take the queen down, you know,
Speaker 1: and it's all posh and everyone's having drinks and this
Speaker 1: film true because they're filming it for that sky Portrait
Speaker 1: Artist of the Year thing, and that say a few words.
Speaker 1: I said, Oh, it's so exciting because this tartan the
Speaker 1: killed him wearing. It's the official tartan of the Yes
Speaker 1: campaign for independence and never it was all this clinking
Speaker 1: of glasses of the of the old unionists in the room,
Speaker 1: and it was such such a great thing for me,
Speaker 1: like to know that in that painting ways will be
Speaker 1: there forever. Not only is little honey reference, but this
Speaker 1: subversive little message that I managed to get in. But yes,
Speaker 1: when I realized she was going to die, before me.
Speaker 1: I remember just thinking, what honey's in my life. She's
Speaker 1: my sort of girlfriend. And I just remember when someone
Speaker 1: sort of said some of the reference about her dying
Speaker 1: and I thought, oh my god, she's a dog. Yes,
Speaker 1: she dogs die before you. She's going to die, and
Speaker 1: it's such a weird thinks. I so thought of her
Speaker 1: as like a human relationship. How much sort of time
Speaker 1: I took to think about her and the way she
Speaker 1: featured in my life and the decisions had to make
Speaker 1: because of her. It was very much like having an
Speaker 1: actual person. I totally understand that you've got to what's
Speaker 1: his name down on you look at your feet. Okay,
Speaker 1: well Bob. Bob's a difficult soul and I have closes this.
Speaker 1: He's not listening. He's a bit deaf. Anyway, the true
Speaker 1: great love of my life was my labrador Bubba, who
Speaker 1: had for seventeen years, who died in my arms, and
Speaker 1: he was the greatest precursor to having a child, particularly
Speaker 1: having a son. And there's a lot of similarities, like
Speaker 1: if anyone wants to have a road test having a
Speaker 1: baby boy, get a labrador. Right. They just want to
Speaker 1: be loved, functus, They want to eat, They jump around
Speaker 1: a lot and need exercise, and you need to go
Speaker 1: to sleep when they do. That's it, right, it's the
Speaker 1: same practocol. I always think people should have a dog
Speaker 1: first when they're thinking about Remember Rachel Vice, we were chatting.
Speaker 1: She said to Grant, do you have children? You went, well,
Speaker 1: we have two dogs and Bubba, and they're the conversation
Speaker 1: about dogs for a bit, and then he said to
Speaker 1: about you. Rachel went, well, I have a human child.
Speaker 1: I don't bless you if I entertaining these two old
Speaker 1: queers who are just talking about their dogs, and you
Speaker 1: have to remind us that your child, as they humans,
Speaker 1: very very respectful to qualify that it was a human child,
Speaker 1: so as to not denigrate your fur babies. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: hate fur babies though. I hate that way. I hate it.
Speaker 1: It's like it's hashtag blessed lives in the same space.
Speaker 1: And also like when the Honey died and people said, oh,
Speaker 1: they'll meet them at the Rainbow No they fucking want Yeah,
Speaker 1: I want to dynamite that ship. I hate that me too,
Speaker 1: it snow Rainbow Bridge. I do sometimes see Bubba when
Speaker 1: I'm in a soul cycle class, though, like he's running
Speaker 1: beside me on the stationary bike. It's really weird. Wow,
Speaker 1: a sort of fever of sweat, and so it feels
Speaker 1: exactly cultish. It's totally cultish. It's amazing, and I can
Speaker 1: imagine you're getting into a reverie. It's like it's like
Speaker 1: being in a really sweaty cult with their motivational speaker
Speaker 1: at the helm of this ship. And I think you
Speaker 1: do go into a bit of a trance and then
Speaker 1: you start seeing your dead dog. This is my favorite question,
Speaker 1: what would be your last nail? I would have still?
Speaker 1: These stories is an old Scottish thing. I guess it's
Speaker 1: because it's on the store. It's like supposed to be
Speaker 1: when you're drinking. You leave it there and you're going
Speaker 1: you have a little some stories. It's potatoes and onions, meat.
Speaker 1: I do a vegan version. It's delicious. It's just the
Speaker 1: most carb starchy thing, so delicious. I put guardic and
Speaker 1: other things and so sor and blah blah blah. See
Speaker 1: I'm I really think I'm a peasant. I really it's
Speaker 1: so interesting. I discovered recently I'm part of Portuguese. I
Speaker 1: did that thing you sent off. I'm six percent Portuguese.
Speaker 1: Oh that's quite a lot, is it. I had no idea.
Speaker 1: I'm a little bit sort of German, and there was
Speaker 1: a few percentage of there, but you know, mostly Scottish
Speaker 1: and north of England. I'm literally an Anglo saccon like
Speaker 1: I basically was either one of the people that the
Speaker 1: Vikings came and found who already lived here, a bit
Speaker 1: of picked, a bit picked. I have nothing exotic in
Speaker 1: me at all, unless i'm you know, drinking tequila. That's
Speaker 1: the most exotic I get something interesting in me. How funny?
Speaker 1: I love that I was a little more saucy than
Speaker 1: I thought, but mostly you know, white Scottish boy. But
Speaker 1: the thing was, I'm very much a peasant. I really
Speaker 1: feel very peasantee and I know that I am from
Speaker 1: sort of peasants stock and my father's side of the
Speaker 1: family too. Are you utter complete peasants, some of who
Speaker 1: could play musical instruments, and so we're musical peasants. Musical peasants.
Speaker 1: I love that. That's a good band. Where you going?
Speaker 1: So you're a peasant? So what does that mean? You
Speaker 1: like eating? So my dad's family all worked and lived
Speaker 1: on kod Or estate for generations like on the farms
Speaker 1: or in the forestry. My dad was a forester. And
Speaker 1: then what was hilarious is that if you go to
Speaker 1: Quota Castle you look up on the wall there's a
Speaker 1: portrait of me. Seriously, it looks at me in a
Speaker 1: period film. It's insane. And when it was open to
Speaker 1: the public in about the nineties something or whatever, people
Speaker 1: send me this postcard to the sense of what the hell.
Speaker 1: And then I thought, wait a minute, maybe there was
Speaker 1: some dabbling below stairs, because I mean, of course that
Speaker 1: I so much like that man who was like the
Speaker 1: first day of Cord or something, so actually you think
Speaker 1: that you are an aristocrat of peasant stock. But there
Speaker 1: was dabbling blow stairs. And if I could just get
Speaker 1: one of the Cord families chunk of their hair and
Speaker 1: do it, I would be able to prove. But I
Speaker 1: don't think I want to do that. Yeah, we need
Speaker 1: to go to a few more parties and like steal
Speaker 1: some whiskey glasses. Hilarious. I'm sorry, duchess. It was always
Speaker 1: that that thing about member they were trying to get
Speaker 1: Prince Hattie's people was trying to steal bits of Prince
Speaker 1: Hattie's hair. I felt it was happening a nightclub. I
Speaker 1: think my brother was working the door and some yeah,
Speaker 1: somebody was trying to sort of snip Harry's hair. Can
Speaker 1: imagine pull off and no wonder he's gone to California.
Speaker 1: I mean, seriously, man, quick, get back to the first food.
Speaker 1: Because of my peasant thing, I food that is one
Speaker 1: ball of the same thing. Like you know, if you
Speaker 1: have too many different options that you've got, like you know,
Speaker 1: lots of vegetables, and it's too overwhelming for me. I
Speaker 1: don't like it. I like to mush them all together,
Speaker 1: and I like to eat things with a spoon. It's
Speaker 1: that I love more than anything, the feeling of having
Speaker 1: the same taste again and again I'm eating it with
Speaker 1: a spoon. That's what I would do. I suppose it's
Speaker 1: very like baby food. It's probably going back to there's
Speaker 1: like there's seven ages of man. But that's what my
Speaker 1: last meal would be, stub. It's very safe then, it
Speaker 1: feels very primal that and also understandable. Something that is
Speaker 1: in one ball comforting. It's comforting, do you know what
Speaker 1: I mean? I get confused in part restaurants sometimes. I
Speaker 1: mean I've been undone by like a foam on top
Speaker 1: of something good. God saved me from phone. It looks
Speaker 1: it looks like it looks like fish spit. I can't
Speaker 1: do it. I agree with you. I like a bowl
Speaker 1: and there's a confashionable now you know they're on the menu,
Speaker 1: like a bowl. Would you like the the ancient grain bowl? Yes,
Speaker 1: that's right, there's the Buddha Bao halls and things. Do
Speaker 1: this make you happy? Yeah? Like those? And I think
Speaker 1: I'm more in the Asian thing as well. Like you know,
Speaker 1: I loved I made a film in Australian. They had
Speaker 1: coranji for breakfast, which is like poor ridge, and then
Speaker 1: you put all these things in it. I love. That's
Speaker 1: my dream. God, that is delicious. I like poke balls
Speaker 1: in a like in in Hawaii pookeyboard. Yes, yes, I
Speaker 1: lived there for a while and I a lot. What
Speaker 1: did it in Hawaiian? I left Hollywood. I left Hollywood.
Speaker 1: I hated it, and nobody not just started left because
Speaker 1: I had all like I had like two films come
Speaker 1: out the year that I went and lived in Hawaii. Um,
Speaker 1: it was quite funny. I went there just to write
Speaker 1: music and to surf and to live on the beach
Speaker 1: and hang out. Gosh, I made a film there, that
Speaker 1: tempest film that Julie Timore's right, Marin was was prosperal
Speaker 1: prosperer and were it was just so hilarious, like being
Speaker 1: in the hot tub with like Chris Cooper and David
Speaker 1: Strath there and Tom Conti and Russell Brand and you know,
Speaker 1: practicing our lanes for the next day in the hot
Speaker 1: tub of the Four Seasons and in that funny lit
Speaker 1: Leyland camera. It's quite a long time. I went back
Speaker 1: and forward a bit. Such a hoot though, love, Okay,
Speaker 1: what question would you most like answered? I mean, I
Speaker 1: think it would have to be what was wrong with
Speaker 1: my father? What it was? The true mental diagnosis of him?
Speaker 1: You know. I think I think maybe ten years ago
Speaker 1: and said why did my father not love me? And
Speaker 1: I've got over that one, you know, as I found
Speaker 1: out all there's evidence about him, you know, I came
Speaker 1: to the conclusion not just that he's insane an awful,
Speaker 1: but he just was mentally ill. And I would love
Speaker 1: to get proper diagnosis. And I never will because I
Speaker 1: was I can't examine him or have seen anyone examine him,
Speaker 1: But that to me is something I would really love
Speaker 1: to have answered just what it actually was that made
Speaker 1: him behave the way he did. Do you think that
Speaker 1: if a person can give something a name it can
Speaker 1: be understood better, does it stay nebulous and therefore threatening
Speaker 1: if you can't contain it with the world. I think
Speaker 1: it's just the thing of it takes it outside of
Speaker 1: your experience. It makes it something that has exists in
Speaker 1: the world that wasn't just about you, you know, So
Speaker 1: perhaps that is what you're saying. And I've talked to
Speaker 1: psychiatrists about this, you know. I have actually spent quite
Speaker 1: a lot of time trying to diagnose my father from
Speaker 1: beyond the great personality disorders that you clearly had. But
Speaker 1: there's more, and I just I don't know quite why
Speaker 1: and when, you know, when what kicked it in And
Speaker 1: because something that was such a big part of my life,
Speaker 1: that is kind of a mystery. And I've definitely made
Speaker 1: peace of that, and I understand truly that he was
Speaker 1: mentally ill, and I've made it easier to to come
Speaker 1: to terms with and to forgive, and to sort of
Speaker 1: not too much to forgive that was easy, but to
Speaker 1: sort of place what happened to me in a context
Speaker 1: that I can get myself out of it. But obviously
Speaker 1: I'm never going to have an proper answer. So that's
Speaker 1: that's that would be the thing I would like the
Speaker 1: answer to. Yeah, I'm sorry you won't have the answer
Speaker 1: that question. I hope that the exploration or the interrogation
Speaker 1: of what it might be. I hope that there were
Speaker 1: enough people that said the same thing that I've given
Speaker 1: you a good idea of what it might have been. Definitely,
Speaker 1: there's you know, narcissistic disorders, psychotic personality, there's there's all
Speaker 1: these things. But you know, you can't really do that
Speaker 1: just on one person's memory. You have to getting a
Speaker 1: bit deeper. So it's so interesting to me. I always
Speaker 1: I'm really fascinated by the various sort of little psychological
Speaker 1: quirks we all have. And I think that's maybe because,
Speaker 1: you know, from such an early age, I was so
Speaker 1: aware of it. I was so aware of them. I
Speaker 1: was aware that my dad was not right from and
Speaker 1: not right as in wrong as well as being not
Speaker 1: right psychologically. I had a very good sort of balance
Speaker 1: between my mom and my dad, so I knew they
Speaker 1: both couldn't be right. And also, I you know, I
Speaker 1: hate to see it but I think that's also why
Speaker 1: I am quite a good actor, as that I can
Speaker 1: understand get into sort of people's psychological quirks because I'm
Speaker 1: aware of the difference. You know, I see it. So yeah,
Speaker 1: I just used to looking for it. What person, place,
Speaker 1: or experience most altered your life? Again, I'm going to
Speaker 1: see my father. I know, I keep the sort of
Speaker 1: bringing it back there, but no, no, no, it's good
Speaker 1: because you wrote a book about your experiences with your father.
Speaker 1: And someone very early on said to me, when I
Speaker 1: not drawing a comparison between an abusive childhood and heartbreak,
Speaker 1: but I was suffering tear me from a heartbreak and
Speaker 1: I wrote a record and a musician that I love said, oh, yeah,
Speaker 1: you know, wherever possible, you should profit off your pain.
Speaker 1: Whatever that well is of your of your father, that
Speaker 1: he that he would be the question that you would
Speaker 1: want answered that it's the person who altered or affected
Speaker 1: your life so much. They are connected those questions for you.
Speaker 1: So yeah, exact actually, and also it's sort of you know,
Speaker 1: in positive ways as well. I mean, like what's really
Speaker 1: been fascinating as right after we made Circle of Friends, actually,
Speaker 1: I had this nervous breakdown. It was basically because I realized, oh,
Speaker 1: I'm this person. I'm alannaha, happy Allen, not not terribly
Speaker 1: different from how I am now. I mean into this
Speaker 1: on the surface, but I was a construct of something
Speaker 1: my father done that I had not remembered. So I thought,
Speaker 1: I've become this person by ignoring, you know, suppressing this
Speaker 1: whole side of these things that happened to me. I
Speaker 1: don't want to be this person anymore. I want to
Speaker 1: embrace this terrible thing's happened to me to become the
Speaker 1: person I'm supposed to be. So that was a huge
Speaker 1: thing he influenced me. He got completely changed my life.
Speaker 1: And then when he told me I wasn't his son,
Speaker 1: that was pretty huge. And and then the ability to
Speaker 1: go back and talk to him and tell him I
Speaker 1: was indeed his son. After I got the day Natist
Speaker 1: and everything. You know, things like that are monumental moments
Speaker 1: that really changed you in terms of like I stood
Speaker 1: up to the scariest possible monster I could stand up to.
Speaker 1: I'm now fearless, and then writing about it and realizing
Speaker 1: that actually how important it is and how many people's
Speaker 1: lives I changed by telling my story and helped them
Speaker 1: to be able to deal with things in there. I
Speaker 1: had no idea that would happen. That was such a
Speaker 1: shocker to me. And then also to realize that I've
Speaker 1: by doing that, I have brought my father back into
Speaker 1: my life in a way that he never was before.
Speaker 1: So I didn't push him away like I thought. I
Speaker 1: actually brought him in. But as you said, it's on
Speaker 1: my terms. So it's been a series of things like
Speaker 1: that has really truly primarily changed me, and all of
Speaker 1: them actually are positive things. I mean, the actual stuff before,
Speaker 1: you know, the childhood was awful, but actually as an adult,
Speaker 1: the huge sort of cataclysmic things that happened were ultimately
Speaker 1: very very positive things for me because it was about
Speaker 1: me coming my true, authentic self and not a construct
Speaker 1: of something he had made me. Oh, Johnny is so articular.
Speaker 1: Bless you, But I mean, I'm sorry there's things happen
Speaker 1: to you. But it's feed into the last question that
Speaker 1: I have. It's very revealing in your life. Can you
Speaker 1: tell me about something that has grown out of a
Speaker 1: personal disaster? Well, yes, me, my entire body I grew
Speaker 1: out of a personal Yeah. I mean I think I
Speaker 1: would say several relationships that are broken up, like a
Speaker 1: married a couple of marriages, you know, the sort of
Speaker 1: thing that we're when as in them definitely be described
Speaker 1: as personal disasters when they were breaking up, and just
Speaker 1: the sort of the sort of ugliness of all that.
Speaker 1: But actually, you know, getting older and looking back on
Speaker 1: things and seeing the patterns, you notice the patterns of
Speaker 1: behavior of yours as well as other people's. That gives
Speaker 1: you an opportunity to make a decision about are you
Speaker 1: going to behave differently now in this when this happens,
Speaker 1: or you know, are you going to make the same
Speaker 1: mistake or or maybe this is a good pattern to repeat.
Speaker 1: That to me is really fascinating. But there's definitely a
Speaker 1: couple of relationships that I've had that ended with a
Speaker 1: personal disaster and beautiful things came out. But like I
Speaker 1: think about talking circle friends anything like Saffon and Ize relationship,
Speaker 1: it's such a beautiful, strong, loving friendship. I really feel
Speaker 1: that you know, and she knows this too, that we
Speaker 1: would be there for each other until we die. You know,
Speaker 1: we were together as a couple for a couple of
Speaker 1: years and that didn't work out. It worked out for
Speaker 1: a while, but then it didn't and actually something so
Speaker 1: much better has come out of it. So there's a
Speaker 1: couple of people in my life that I feel like
Speaker 1: that about. It's kind of funny that I quite a
Speaker 1: lot of my very close friends I've been my lovers.
Speaker 1: Really yeah, quite a lot. Yeah, too many actually when
Speaker 1: you think about it. But I mean not in the
Speaker 1: same way like with saf was like we were in
Speaker 1: a proper relationship together. But you know, several of my
Speaker 1: friends more in the gay world, as several of my
Speaker 1: male friends, I've had sex and at some point in
Speaker 1: the past, you know, first and then we stayed friends.
Speaker 1: And I think that's really good. I think it's really good.
Speaker 1: I think it's lovely. I think it's lovely. I think
Speaker 1: it's quite unusual. I can count on one hand the
Speaker 1: people that have been lovers that are friends. Yeah, it's tricky,
Speaker 1: it's truly. I think it's I think it is easier
Speaker 1: in the same sex relationship. Actually, do you want Yeah,
Speaker 1: because I think sex is easier in general actually in
Speaker 1: the same sex relationship, yes, because you understand the person,
Speaker 1: like ergonomically or spiritually, spiritually. I mean yeah, well so
Speaker 1: I sort of both because you are the same gender
Speaker 1: as that person, you automatically understand more things about how
Speaker 1: that person works. Thanks and thanks and fields. And also
Speaker 1: I think there and therefore you can be more honest
Speaker 1: with that person. There's not such a barrier of agenda.
Speaker 1: And also, you know, men and women are fed so
Speaker 1: much ship that makes it more difficult for them to communicate. True,
Speaker 1: you know, it's so true. We ardiculate. We are raised
Speaker 1: on a completely and utterly different social, psychic and mental food. Yeah. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and impossible to keep up standards. And so anyway, I
Speaker 1: think it's easier to be honest with the person of
Speaker 1: your own sex, and it's easier to move on from
Speaker 1: sex with a person of your own sex as well,
Speaker 1: I do. I mean that's your well, look at lesbians
Speaker 1: take a joke, but when you see a group of
Speaker 1: friends who are lesbians, they've all slept each other at
Speaker 1: some point, and they're all great friends, and they're all
Speaker 1: god mothers to their children. And I think it's it's
Speaker 1: that's a case in point that you can move on
Speaker 1: from and still keep a loving thing, whereas with men
Speaker 1: and women it's over and that's many years later. You
Speaker 1: can come back as a sort of thing. But I
Speaker 1: don't think there's the same sort of illigion into great
Speaker 1: friendship that that can happen in the same sex relationship. Sadly, sadly,
Speaker 1: Oh God, I could talk to you for like, I'm
Speaker 1: gonna have to come as soon as we're all aloud.
Speaker 1: I'm going to come find you in your remote location.
Speaker 1: I'd glad you to come here. Oh my God, I
Speaker 1: will come. I'll bring I'll come. I'll come play some music.
Speaker 1: If you've got piano, bring my guitar. Yeah, we've got
Speaker 1: it all. We've got it all. This has been fun.
Speaker 1: Thanks many, I've a really enjoyed this. I'm really fascinated
Speaker 1: and so grateful You've just shared your heart and your
Speaker 1: life so generously. Thank you, my pleasure very much. All right,
Speaker 1: let's love to you. In closing, I would like to
Speaker 1: make you aware of some projects that Alan has coming up.
Speaker 1: I think my particular favorite is a six part podcast
Speaker 1: series for Audible about a sperm bank heist that he
Speaker 1: produced and directed called Hot White Heist, starring Saturday Night Lives,
Speaker 1: Bow and Yang, along with an ensemble of amazing people
Speaker 1: including Cynthia Nixon, Abby Jacobson, Jane Lynch, and Margaret show
Speaker 1: He also has a show for Apple TV coming in
Speaker 1: July called Shmigadoon, and another show for HBMX also coming
Speaker 1: in July called The Prince. He is the busiest men
Speaker 1: in show business? Quite right? Me Many Questions is hosted
Speaker 1: and written by Me Mini d. Driver, supervising producer Aaron Kaufman,
Speaker 1: Producer Morgan Lavoy, Research assistant Marissa Brown. Original music Sorry
Speaker 1: Baby by a Mini Driver, additional music by Aaron Kaufman.
Speaker 1: Executive produced by Me and man Gesh Hetty Cador. Special
Speaker 1: thanks to Jim Nikolay, Will Pearson, Addison No Day, Lisa
Speaker 1: Castella and Annique Oppenheim at w kPr de La Pescadore,
Speaker 1: Kate Driver and Jason Weinberg, and for constantly solicited tech
Speaker 1: support Henry Driver