1 00:00:00,440 --> 00:00:06,000 Speaker 1: Andre Martinez in Real Life podcast. This episode and conversation 2 00:00:06,120 --> 00:00:11,319 Speaker 1: is powered by I do say hi baby, thank you 3 00:00:11,360 --> 00:00:14,400 Speaker 1: for doing that always. You know, you're always have been 4 00:00:14,440 --> 00:00:17,280 Speaker 1: one of my favorites. You always say that, you literally 5 00:00:17,320 --> 00:00:20,160 Speaker 1: always say that. You know why because I mean it, 6 00:00:21,280 --> 00:00:24,079 Speaker 1: not like because I mean it's because I really mean it, 7 00:00:24,079 --> 00:00:25,840 Speaker 1: because I would say it to somebody else, Like if 8 00:00:25,840 --> 00:00:27,360 Speaker 1: somebody was sitting here, it was like, of all the 9 00:00:27,400 --> 00:00:29,400 Speaker 1: people in the game or the business that you've seen 10 00:00:29,440 --> 00:00:31,320 Speaker 1: over the years, I'm like, you would be on the list. 11 00:00:31,360 --> 00:00:32,640 Speaker 1: I don't know if I would have a list, but 12 00:00:32,680 --> 00:00:34,639 Speaker 1: you would be on the list because you've always been 13 00:00:34,680 --> 00:00:38,240 Speaker 1: so lovely and consistent and gracious and I've never seen 14 00:00:38,280 --> 00:00:43,000 Speaker 1: a bad energy or negative But what is that? How 15 00:00:43,040 --> 00:00:48,919 Speaker 1: do you do that? I don't know for that. I mean, 16 00:00:48,960 --> 00:00:51,919 Speaker 1: I do have bad days, I do have off days. Um, 17 00:00:51,960 --> 00:00:54,160 Speaker 1: I just I don't know. I think it's just from 18 00:00:54,160 --> 00:00:56,320 Speaker 1: being a kid and growing up in the industry and 19 00:00:56,400 --> 00:00:59,480 Speaker 1: always hearing like, you know, never let them see you 20 00:00:59,560 --> 00:01:01,680 Speaker 1: like that, you know what I mean, Because it doesn't 21 00:01:01,760 --> 00:01:05,479 Speaker 1: show grace, it doesn't show you know, just I mean, 22 00:01:05,520 --> 00:01:08,520 Speaker 1: sometimes it couldn't show an honest side. But it's actually not. 23 00:01:09,040 --> 00:01:10,960 Speaker 1: What if it's somebody's first time meeting you? Was what 24 00:01:11,120 --> 00:01:13,560 Speaker 1: I think always I think the same thing, And I 25 00:01:13,600 --> 00:01:16,520 Speaker 1: don't want somebody's first time me to need to be 26 00:01:16,600 --> 00:01:21,280 Speaker 1: a bad one, because that's based in you being person 27 00:01:21,319 --> 00:01:25,600 Speaker 1: that cares about feeling. It's true. And I've had like 28 00:01:25,800 --> 00:01:28,160 Speaker 1: encounters where I met people before and I'm like, wow, 29 00:01:28,240 --> 00:01:30,920 Speaker 1: that that wasn't great of an encounter. I don't want 30 00:01:30,920 --> 00:01:33,880 Speaker 1: anybody to say that about me. So yeah, And if 31 00:01:33,920 --> 00:01:37,920 Speaker 1: there is a flower or a moment where I have 32 00:01:38,160 --> 00:01:41,920 Speaker 1: had bad judgment or responded wrong or just went back 33 00:01:41,959 --> 00:01:43,960 Speaker 1: and even thought about it, I go back to someone 34 00:01:44,040 --> 00:01:47,960 Speaker 1: later and I'm like, yo, my bad. Really, Absolutely, you 35 00:01:48,000 --> 00:01:51,000 Speaker 1: have to have humility. I love the piece you did 36 00:01:51,080 --> 00:01:55,280 Speaker 1: with Holda about reconnecting with your dad, and that's what 37 00:01:55,400 --> 00:01:57,800 Speaker 1: I was thinking about doing this episode with you. I 38 00:01:57,840 --> 00:02:03,240 Speaker 1: was thinking about what an entry sting family experience that 39 00:02:03,360 --> 00:02:05,880 Speaker 1: you have had in your life. First of all, your 40 00:02:05,920 --> 00:02:09,840 Speaker 1: family is gorgeous. I saw Titan this morning like blindfolding 41 00:02:09,880 --> 00:02:15,240 Speaker 1: you to taste ice cream. Yes, Tim is great, Like 42 00:02:15,400 --> 00:02:18,200 Speaker 1: you have a beautiful family, but your family experience has 43 00:02:18,240 --> 00:02:22,520 Speaker 1: been different. Yes, would you say yes? Yes? Challenged at 44 00:02:22,520 --> 00:02:28,320 Speaker 1: some point? Absolutely? Absolutely, I mean with me growing up 45 00:02:28,360 --> 00:02:32,040 Speaker 1: with my mom, my dad been in and out of 46 00:02:32,080 --> 00:02:37,440 Speaker 1: my life. Um, meeting um the Nose family and having 47 00:02:37,440 --> 00:02:39,840 Speaker 1: this space of family, a new family, you know what 48 00:02:39,919 --> 00:02:41,920 Speaker 1: I mean, and still of course having my mom there 49 00:02:41,960 --> 00:02:44,760 Speaker 1: and having you know, my two moms and you know, 50 00:02:44,960 --> 00:02:48,600 Speaker 1: a father type figure there too, and then meeting my 51 00:02:48,720 --> 00:02:51,840 Speaker 1: dad later and you know, establishing as a mom or 52 00:02:51,880 --> 00:02:55,640 Speaker 1: as a mom already losing my mom after I have 53 00:02:55,840 --> 00:03:03,000 Speaker 1: my son. My husband being awesome, Um that he's really 54 00:03:03,000 --> 00:03:06,360 Speaker 1: a g for just helping me figure it all, you 55 00:03:06,400 --> 00:03:09,880 Speaker 1: know what I mean? Um, And that for me is 56 00:03:09,919 --> 00:03:13,079 Speaker 1: the biggest thing. I always want to figure it out 57 00:03:13,120 --> 00:03:17,720 Speaker 1: myself and he's always there to remind me, like you 58 00:03:17,800 --> 00:03:21,760 Speaker 1: don't have to. And that is a really big, big 59 00:03:21,800 --> 00:03:24,360 Speaker 1: blessing for me. That probably has to do with trust, 60 00:03:24,520 --> 00:03:27,760 Speaker 1: right because looking at you talk about having daddy issues 61 00:03:27,760 --> 00:03:31,400 Speaker 1: and abandonment issues, It's like, yeah, me too. By the way, 62 00:03:31,600 --> 00:03:33,360 Speaker 1: I haven't seen my father in some'th ten years old. 63 00:03:33,440 --> 00:03:35,400 Speaker 1: It took me to my adult life to be like, 64 00:03:35,720 --> 00:03:37,800 Speaker 1: oh shoot, I know it sounds cliche, but I have 65 00:03:38,000 --> 00:03:42,960 Speaker 1: trust issues. And this would be able to trust your husband, 66 00:03:43,240 --> 00:03:46,080 Speaker 1: trust your husband to help you and to lead you. 67 00:03:46,120 --> 00:03:49,120 Speaker 1: It could be a tricky thing, yes, and MPs like 68 00:03:50,080 --> 00:03:52,920 Speaker 1: I still have trust. You have to check what do 69 00:03:53,000 --> 00:03:55,640 Speaker 1: you do? What is the what is the problems you 70 00:03:55,640 --> 00:03:58,880 Speaker 1: need to I don't know, Like that's that's real talk 71 00:03:58,960 --> 00:04:00,960 Speaker 1: for me, you know what I mean? And that does 72 00:04:01,040 --> 00:04:04,680 Speaker 1: come from daddy issues. And the truth is that, like 73 00:04:04,840 --> 00:04:07,760 Speaker 1: I think, it will always rear its ugly head and 74 00:04:07,800 --> 00:04:09,880 Speaker 1: I have to literally be there to talk to that 75 00:04:10,000 --> 00:04:14,000 Speaker 1: specific part of my brain that's still healing itself, because 76 00:04:14,080 --> 00:04:18,960 Speaker 1: what do you say? Like for me, I'll literally ask myself, 77 00:04:19,320 --> 00:04:23,280 Speaker 1: is this the insecure you? Is this the trauma infused 78 00:04:23,560 --> 00:04:25,960 Speaker 1: seven year old you? Is this the trauma you know 79 00:04:25,960 --> 00:04:28,159 Speaker 1: what I mean? I have to ask myself, like which 80 00:04:28,240 --> 00:04:30,520 Speaker 1: part of this is showing? When do you ask yourself that? 81 00:04:30,560 --> 00:04:33,719 Speaker 1: Like in the middle of the middle, in the middle 82 00:04:33,760 --> 00:04:37,320 Speaker 1: of my frustrating tears, um pulled over to the side 83 00:04:37,720 --> 00:04:41,880 Speaker 1: from driving my car because I'm going through something. Yeah, 84 00:04:42,040 --> 00:04:44,599 Speaker 1: it's so funny because I had a moment like that 85 00:04:45,440 --> 00:04:48,240 Speaker 1: maybe the other day, and it was so funny. I 86 00:04:48,320 --> 00:04:51,480 Speaker 1: was like, why am I bucking right now? And so 87 00:04:51,720 --> 00:04:54,839 Speaker 1: I also connected it with spirituality because I always feel 88 00:04:54,880 --> 00:04:57,839 Speaker 1: like when we're so close to something big and great. 89 00:04:58,600 --> 00:05:02,120 Speaker 1: My view is like the enemy's definitely gonna be gunning 90 00:05:02,120 --> 00:05:06,560 Speaker 1: for you because you're you're so close to this big thing. 91 00:05:06,760 --> 00:05:08,960 Speaker 1: So I have to be able to clock it. I 92 00:05:08,960 --> 00:05:11,520 Speaker 1: have to be able to check myself, and I have 93 00:05:11,600 --> 00:05:14,120 Speaker 1: to be able to move past it. So that's literally 94 00:05:14,160 --> 00:05:18,040 Speaker 1: what happened. It was like one thought started and then 95 00:05:18,080 --> 00:05:21,040 Speaker 1: it was like another I'm not even joking, Angie, like 96 00:05:21,080 --> 00:05:24,839 Speaker 1: twenty happened, and then from twenty it was forty, and 97 00:05:24,839 --> 00:05:29,000 Speaker 1: then from forty I was like, oh my god, my 98 00:05:29,200 --> 00:05:32,400 Speaker 1: hands were shaking. I had tears in my eyes. I 99 00:05:32,480 --> 00:05:35,760 Speaker 1: was like, what just happened? And it's so funny because 100 00:05:35,839 --> 00:05:38,520 Speaker 1: like even before, I think the day before, somebody said 101 00:05:38,720 --> 00:05:41,240 Speaker 1: I just wish somebody would just show when they're having 102 00:05:41,240 --> 00:05:43,359 Speaker 1: a nervous breakdown. I was like, nobody has time to 103 00:05:43,400 --> 00:05:47,359 Speaker 1: pick up the phone, and I'm having it, you know 104 00:05:47,400 --> 00:05:49,720 Speaker 1: what I mean? Because they say that everybody does the 105 00:05:49,800 --> 00:05:52,240 Speaker 1: highlight reel, so when there are moments like this to 106 00:05:52,880 --> 00:05:55,960 Speaker 1: vulnerable and honest, like I have to be you know 107 00:05:55,960 --> 00:05:59,440 Speaker 1: what I mean. This happened days ago, so I had 108 00:05:59,520 --> 00:06:04,680 Speaker 1: the moment it and literally was like I am tripping. 109 00:06:04,800 --> 00:06:06,760 Speaker 1: I am tripping. Seth and I was about to go 110 00:06:06,800 --> 00:06:09,160 Speaker 1: and I get iron transfusions because my iron is low. 111 00:06:09,640 --> 00:06:12,640 Speaker 1: Sat there and I was like, oh, you're on the 112 00:06:12,720 --> 00:06:17,280 Speaker 1: brink of something big. Literally my smile goes whoop and 113 00:06:17,320 --> 00:06:20,640 Speaker 1: it turned and it literally from from tears to I'm 114 00:06:20,680 --> 00:06:22,599 Speaker 1: on the verge of something big. Why am I on 115 00:06:22,600 --> 00:06:24,840 Speaker 1: the verge of something big? Because I keep thinking about 116 00:06:24,839 --> 00:06:27,719 Speaker 1: all these big thoughts because I know I'm great, because 117 00:06:27,760 --> 00:06:29,440 Speaker 1: I know you know what I mean. Like I had 118 00:06:29,480 --> 00:06:34,680 Speaker 1: to like talk to myself and I realized, like everything 119 00:06:34,720 --> 00:06:36,920 Speaker 1: I tell my son, I have to be an example 120 00:06:36,960 --> 00:06:39,120 Speaker 1: of do you have triggers? Because when you have a 121 00:06:39,120 --> 00:06:41,120 Speaker 1: moment like that, I think I had a moment like 122 00:06:41,160 --> 00:06:42,479 Speaker 1: that the other day. I'm trying to think what my 123 00:06:42,480 --> 00:06:46,080 Speaker 1: trigger might have been. Maybe I just was doing too much. 124 00:06:46,120 --> 00:06:48,320 Speaker 1: If I don't give myself enough time to process thing, 125 00:06:48,920 --> 00:06:50,680 Speaker 1: and then you're like running on fumes, right, So like 126 00:06:50,720 --> 00:06:52,480 Speaker 1: if you're running on fumes, running on fumes and then 127 00:06:52,520 --> 00:06:57,640 Speaker 1: something happens, you're like down because things happen all the time. 128 00:06:57,680 --> 00:07:03,280 Speaker 1: So if you're that's me. And so it jumps from 129 00:07:03,320 --> 00:07:07,200 Speaker 1: that to okay, let's get the kids up, Titan, can 130 00:07:07,240 --> 00:07:10,320 Speaker 1: you can you start getting ready the whole hour later 131 00:07:10,800 --> 00:07:13,840 Speaker 1: he's doing this. I'm like, he's not listening, like mine 132 00:07:13,920 --> 00:07:20,520 Speaker 1: is not listening. That's a trigger. Might be our first shot. 133 00:07:21,400 --> 00:07:23,600 Speaker 1: That might be like, you know, you don't care about 134 00:07:23,600 --> 00:07:28,480 Speaker 1: how you didn't hear what I said in your seven girl, 135 00:07:28,560 --> 00:07:30,520 Speaker 1: if you don't get it together, And to him be 136 00:07:30,560 --> 00:07:35,280 Speaker 1: looking at me like maybe he's seven, and I'm like, 137 00:07:36,560 --> 00:07:39,600 Speaker 1: he's seven, but I'm like he should care about how 138 00:07:39,640 --> 00:07:44,600 Speaker 1: I feel. But then I'm literally going, Okay, maybe I 139 00:07:44,640 --> 00:07:47,560 Speaker 1: was seven. I take it back. I'm like, I was 140 00:07:47,680 --> 00:07:52,160 Speaker 1: seven when this happened and I wasn't hurt, So how 141 00:07:52,240 --> 00:07:56,440 Speaker 1: in the world is he seven. I'm experiencing this from 142 00:07:56,440 --> 00:07:58,560 Speaker 1: a seven year old and it's triggering me, and I'm 143 00:07:58,600 --> 00:08:01,120 Speaker 1: just spiraling out of control, like it all just goes 144 00:08:01,120 --> 00:08:04,400 Speaker 1: boo boo boo boo, you have nothing else left. It's 145 00:08:04,440 --> 00:08:07,040 Speaker 1: really interesting just what happens to us as kids and 146 00:08:07,080 --> 00:08:09,680 Speaker 1: then what we do to our kids. Yes, I always 147 00:08:09,680 --> 00:08:12,160 Speaker 1: just try to give myself grace by saying, like, because 148 00:08:12,200 --> 00:08:15,080 Speaker 1: I come from so my mother is the child of 149 00:08:15,400 --> 00:08:21,119 Speaker 1: a alcoholic, so her and her siblings had all these 150 00:08:21,200 --> 00:08:23,680 Speaker 1: issues as most people do from alcoholics. Then it comes 151 00:08:23,720 --> 00:08:27,000 Speaker 1: down to my generation. So then I'm like better because 152 00:08:27,040 --> 00:08:28,640 Speaker 1: I have my mother done work on herself so that 153 00:08:28,720 --> 00:08:30,720 Speaker 1: I'm better doing better than her. Yeah, she did a 154 00:08:30,760 --> 00:08:34,040 Speaker 1: lot of work on herself. Yeah, oh we love you, mom. Yeah, 155 00:08:34,080 --> 00:08:35,679 Speaker 1: I know she did a lot of work. So then 156 00:08:35,720 --> 00:08:38,439 Speaker 1: I'm better. I do. I'm doing better, right, I'm better 157 00:08:38,520 --> 00:08:40,560 Speaker 1: at communicating, I'm better at telling my feelings. I'm not 158 00:08:40,600 --> 00:08:43,199 Speaker 1: great at it, but I'm better. So my hope is 159 00:08:43,240 --> 00:08:46,880 Speaker 1: that then my kids are even better than me. So 160 00:08:46,920 --> 00:08:49,520 Speaker 1: even when I'm not perfect, I feel like I feel 161 00:08:49,559 --> 00:08:51,080 Speaker 1: like if we if I could just make sure that 162 00:08:51,080 --> 00:08:52,960 Speaker 1: I'm doing better than I feel like the next generation 163 00:08:53,000 --> 00:08:55,360 Speaker 1: and that's how we kind of break. I don't know 164 00:08:55,400 --> 00:08:57,360 Speaker 1: if that's true or not, but that it's something I 165 00:08:57,440 --> 00:09:00,680 Speaker 1: tell myself. No, I believe it is. It's like even 166 00:09:00,720 --> 00:09:04,600 Speaker 1: watching like gentle parenting right now, like I'm biting the 167 00:09:04,640 --> 00:09:08,440 Speaker 1: whole side of my mouth is wrong on general parenting, 168 00:09:08,520 --> 00:09:11,680 Speaker 1: which is just like don't yell at them, you know, 169 00:09:11,920 --> 00:09:15,040 Speaker 1: and like right when something happens, like have you seen 170 00:09:15,160 --> 00:09:21,760 Speaker 1: all these I mean, I no, no, no, ridiculous. I 171 00:09:21,800 --> 00:09:24,800 Speaker 1: love it and some of it makes sense to me 172 00:09:24,840 --> 00:09:27,640 Speaker 1: and some of it doesn't. And I respect it though, 173 00:09:27,720 --> 00:09:31,480 Speaker 1: because what general parenting is trying to do is break 174 00:09:32,080 --> 00:09:37,040 Speaker 1: the generational curse of talking at your kids and making 175 00:09:37,080 --> 00:09:40,680 Speaker 1: them feel seen and respected. And the first place they're 176 00:09:40,679 --> 00:09:44,640 Speaker 1: going to understand love and respect and self awareness is 177 00:09:44,679 --> 00:09:47,560 Speaker 1: in the home. You know, Like if Titan stumps up 178 00:09:47,559 --> 00:09:51,520 Speaker 1: the stairs, I'm like, I understand you're upset right now, 179 00:09:51,880 --> 00:09:56,559 Speaker 1: but that is very disrespectful. Maybe that's the right thing 180 00:09:56,559 --> 00:09:59,120 Speaker 1: I'm supposed to say. I'm literally trying to you know 181 00:09:59,120 --> 00:10:01,400 Speaker 1: what I mean. I was just taught if you stomp 182 00:10:01,480 --> 00:10:03,640 Speaker 1: up the stairs, and you gotta keep you arresting around here, 183 00:10:04,000 --> 00:10:06,679 Speaker 1: you know what I mean. It's like that where I'm 184 00:10:06,760 --> 00:10:12,320 Speaker 1: unlearning things that happened to me in my childhood with 185 00:10:12,400 --> 00:10:17,400 Speaker 1: my son. So it's like trial and era. It's get 186 00:10:17,440 --> 00:10:18,760 Speaker 1: it all the way right now. We don't get it 187 00:10:18,760 --> 00:10:20,520 Speaker 1: all the way right. I'm sure that our kids will 188 00:10:20,559 --> 00:10:25,280 Speaker 1: suffer someone because we like overcorrected and maybe they can't 189 00:10:25,360 --> 00:10:28,160 Speaker 1: deal with somebody yelling at them. Like there'll be some 190 00:10:28,240 --> 00:10:31,600 Speaker 1: type of effect. There's always, in fact, there's always an effect. 191 00:10:31,679 --> 00:10:34,200 Speaker 1: But I do keep it real with Tighten. You know, 192 00:10:34,360 --> 00:10:38,760 Speaker 1: he'll say, um, I'll say Tighten, Uh he did something, 193 00:10:39,200 --> 00:10:43,160 Speaker 1: and I said, son, I was like, I really really 194 00:10:43,160 --> 00:10:46,360 Speaker 1: want you to think about what happened, because that's not 195 00:10:46,480 --> 00:10:49,480 Speaker 1: like you what happened to make you feel that way? 196 00:10:49,640 --> 00:10:52,800 Speaker 1: And what like I'm asking all these like Sherlock Holmes, 197 00:10:52,840 --> 00:10:57,319 Speaker 1: investigating questions, trying to yes, trying to figure out what 198 00:10:57,800 --> 00:11:02,520 Speaker 1: the root of whatever it was that happened, and he does, 199 00:11:02,760 --> 00:11:05,440 Speaker 1: but I usually I noticed the best time to talk 200 00:11:05,440 --> 00:11:08,760 Speaker 1: to him is before bed and when we are playing 201 00:11:09,600 --> 00:11:11,600 Speaker 1: in the car. You don't like in the car. In 202 00:11:11,640 --> 00:11:13,599 Speaker 1: the car is great, and the car is good. The 203 00:11:13,679 --> 00:11:16,840 Speaker 1: car is great when he gets older too, because because 204 00:11:16,840 --> 00:11:19,560 Speaker 1: for teenagers this I read something about this so that 205 00:11:19,559 --> 00:11:21,520 Speaker 1: it's like when you're driving, if you're driving and they're 206 00:11:21,559 --> 00:11:23,360 Speaker 1: in the car, you're not like looking at them like 207 00:11:23,400 --> 00:11:25,200 Speaker 1: why did you do that? You're like there's like a 208 00:11:25,280 --> 00:11:28,160 Speaker 1: space enough for them to feel not attacked or not 209 00:11:29,120 --> 00:11:31,480 Speaker 1: like you're not on top of them. It's like a 210 00:11:31,520 --> 00:11:33,360 Speaker 1: comfort and just like I'm driving on this, I'm just 211 00:11:33,400 --> 00:11:35,600 Speaker 1: asking you this, why did you know? It just creates 212 00:11:35,600 --> 00:11:39,280 Speaker 1: a more, I don't know, calmer environment. That's something I 213 00:11:39,320 --> 00:11:41,880 Speaker 1: saw that somewhere. It's a great time for especially teenagers 214 00:11:42,120 --> 00:11:44,760 Speaker 1: where they're often like distracted or if you tell them 215 00:11:44,760 --> 00:11:47,320 Speaker 1: to sit at the table and like so they feel 216 00:11:47,360 --> 00:11:51,120 Speaker 1: like tight and nervous, and that makes perfect thin about it. 217 00:11:51,200 --> 00:11:52,880 Speaker 1: When he's a teenager, if this comes back up, you 218 00:11:52,880 --> 00:11:56,199 Speaker 1: can save it. I didn't even think about that right now. 219 00:11:56,280 --> 00:11:58,319 Speaker 1: I don't even want to think about him teenage and 220 00:11:58,400 --> 00:12:00,600 Speaker 1: these times are so crazy. I just want to prepare 221 00:12:00,679 --> 00:12:03,599 Speaker 1: him for them time. I know. So I watched you 222 00:12:03,840 --> 00:12:09,080 Speaker 1: on HOLDA with your dad. You hadn't seen him since 223 00:12:09,200 --> 00:12:14,920 Speaker 1: you were seven maybe eight? Wow? Yeah, and then as 224 00:12:14,920 --> 00:12:18,680 Speaker 1: a grown woman, you make this decision. What is the moment? 225 00:12:18,760 --> 00:12:20,400 Speaker 1: What is the trigger for you to think I want 226 00:12:20,400 --> 00:12:25,080 Speaker 1: to reconnect now? Did something happen? Did you just got kids? Well? 227 00:12:25,240 --> 00:12:28,080 Speaker 1: Kid at that kid, and you're going to think this 228 00:12:28,120 --> 00:12:31,280 Speaker 1: is really nuts. Whenever I really wanted him to swap 229 00:12:31,320 --> 00:12:34,079 Speaker 1: the side of his mouth, I could do the twenty 230 00:12:34,080 --> 00:12:38,560 Speaker 1: three and me things I really care about my Sure, 231 00:12:38,640 --> 00:12:40,800 Speaker 1: I'm trying to figure out all this stuff because I 232 00:12:40,840 --> 00:12:43,240 Speaker 1: want to know where we're from, Like you know what 233 00:12:43,280 --> 00:12:45,400 Speaker 1: I mean that all that kind of stuff means a 234 00:12:45,440 --> 00:12:49,080 Speaker 1: lot to me. So I was thinking about that, but 235 00:12:49,240 --> 00:12:54,040 Speaker 1: above anything, really thinking about like what a better time 236 00:12:54,120 --> 00:12:57,160 Speaker 1: to connect with him? And if he says yes, great, 237 00:12:57,200 --> 00:13:01,120 Speaker 1: if he says no, Great, I was okay with um. 238 00:13:01,200 --> 00:13:02,880 Speaker 1: You know, do you think he would have said no? 239 00:13:03,320 --> 00:13:05,160 Speaker 1: You just never know. But did it occur to you? 240 00:13:05,200 --> 00:13:08,480 Speaker 1: Did you think yes? So I'm watching your story and 241 00:13:08,559 --> 00:13:10,400 Speaker 1: maybe like so. A couple of years ago, I was 242 00:13:10,480 --> 00:13:12,720 Speaker 1: I interviewed evidences out of my radio show. She had 243 00:13:12,760 --> 00:13:15,160 Speaker 1: just been reunited with her grandfather. She was like, do 244 00:13:15,200 --> 00:13:19,320 Speaker 1: you have anybody in your family that She's like, I 245 00:13:19,360 --> 00:13:21,200 Speaker 1: have this guy. He finds anybody. I was like, no, 246 00:13:21,240 --> 00:13:23,320 Speaker 1: I said, I haven't seen my father since ten, but 247 00:13:23,360 --> 00:13:25,520 Speaker 1: I believe he's past. I've heard from people that grew 248 00:13:25,559 --> 00:13:28,080 Speaker 1: up in the neighborhood with him, and he was you know, 249 00:13:28,120 --> 00:13:32,040 Speaker 1: he was he had drug problems, and so it made 250 00:13:32,040 --> 00:13:33,640 Speaker 1: sense to me because I seen him since ten. He 251 00:13:33,720 --> 00:13:36,480 Speaker 1: was on drugs, must be dead, right, She was so, well, 252 00:13:36,480 --> 00:13:39,120 Speaker 1: wouldn't you like to at least see a picture? I said, sure, 253 00:13:39,120 --> 00:13:40,440 Speaker 1: I would like to see you know, I guess so 254 00:13:40,520 --> 00:13:42,559 Speaker 1: if you found one, okay, whatever, I'm thinking no, because 255 00:13:42,640 --> 00:13:44,520 Speaker 1: for a couple of times I had tried and come 256 00:13:44,600 --> 00:13:46,600 Speaker 1: up with nothing. Nobody had found anything. You had probably 257 00:13:46,640 --> 00:13:48,439 Speaker 1: had to do this process too, right, or you knew 258 00:13:48,440 --> 00:13:50,600 Speaker 1: where he was this whole time. You knew where he 259 00:13:50,679 --> 00:13:53,440 Speaker 1: was or you had somebody find him. And so two 260 00:13:53,520 --> 00:13:55,160 Speaker 1: days later I get a picture of my phone from 261 00:13:55,200 --> 00:13:58,840 Speaker 1: Evelyn Lozada of a picture of a man, and she says, 262 00:14:00,000 --> 00:14:02,600 Speaker 1: could this guy be your father? And I was like, 263 00:14:03,200 --> 00:14:07,560 Speaker 1: holy sh it, that is absolutely my father. Wow. He 264 00:14:07,720 --> 00:14:11,000 Speaker 1: is not dead. He does not appear to be on drugs. 265 00:14:11,000 --> 00:14:15,280 Speaker 1: He's like in shape, healthy, he's living in where you know, 266 00:14:15,320 --> 00:14:20,440 Speaker 1: in all right outside of Chicago. He's married, seems to 267 00:14:20,440 --> 00:14:23,640 Speaker 1: be healthy, is a member of a church. This was like, 268 00:14:24,120 --> 00:14:25,920 Speaker 1: this was right before my accident, so that was like 269 00:14:26,000 --> 00:14:31,600 Speaker 1: three But when my accident was November nineteen yees, So 270 00:14:31,640 --> 00:14:33,960 Speaker 1: I'm like freaking out as dead since ten, I'm I'm 271 00:14:33,960 --> 00:14:36,640 Speaker 1: now forty something years old, and like, there's a man, 272 00:14:36,720 --> 00:14:39,320 Speaker 1: there's a human being in the world, my father, that's 273 00:14:39,360 --> 00:14:42,080 Speaker 1: actually alive in the world. So but then I have 274 00:14:42,120 --> 00:14:43,680 Speaker 1: a bad car and I'm like, Okay, I think I'm 275 00:14:43,680 --> 00:14:46,800 Speaker 1: gonna maybe go meet him, see whatever, get some answers, 276 00:14:46,920 --> 00:14:49,600 Speaker 1: Like when he disappeared, that whole side of my family disappeared, 277 00:14:49,600 --> 00:14:52,280 Speaker 1: like so my aunt and my cousins was like gone, 278 00:14:52,400 --> 00:14:54,600 Speaker 1: like wiped out. So I grew up since I was 279 00:14:54,640 --> 00:14:56,640 Speaker 1: ten years old with that whole side of my family 280 00:14:56,680 --> 00:14:59,560 Speaker 1: being kind of like a mystery. So I had a 281 00:14:59,600 --> 00:15:01,240 Speaker 1: car act in it. So then I was just busy 282 00:15:01,280 --> 00:15:03,160 Speaker 1: on recovery. I'm trying to get better. I'm like, yeah, 283 00:15:03,160 --> 00:15:06,640 Speaker 1: I forgot all about it. Maybe I don't know. Two 284 00:15:06,720 --> 00:15:08,480 Speaker 1: years ago, when did you? When were you? I feel 285 00:15:08,520 --> 00:15:09,920 Speaker 1: like I don't know. I watched you, and I was like, 286 00:15:09,920 --> 00:15:14,200 Speaker 1: I wonder if our paths were like a line around 287 00:15:14,200 --> 00:15:16,360 Speaker 1: the same time. That's why I felt when I watched 288 00:15:16,400 --> 00:15:18,600 Speaker 1: you one hold, I felt so like I was watching 289 00:15:18,600 --> 00:15:22,400 Speaker 1: it like like this at the TV, like and how beautiful, 290 00:15:22,440 --> 00:15:24,360 Speaker 1: and that he said all the things you wanted him 291 00:15:24,400 --> 00:15:27,560 Speaker 1: to say. And I was so heeled from the car accident. 292 00:15:28,200 --> 00:15:29,640 Speaker 1: I was doing better. I was working. I was like, 293 00:15:29,680 --> 00:15:33,280 Speaker 1: you know what, now, it's probably something was coming. I 294 00:15:33,280 --> 00:15:35,160 Speaker 1: was getting inducted to the Radio Hall of Fame, so 295 00:15:35,160 --> 00:15:37,600 Speaker 1: I was going to Chicago for that. I was like, 296 00:15:37,640 --> 00:15:40,360 Speaker 1: I'm going to be in Chicago. Maybe this would be 297 00:15:40,360 --> 00:15:42,360 Speaker 1: a good time. Get a couple of saylo blah blah 298 00:15:42,360 --> 00:15:45,240 Speaker 1: blah blah. So the private investigator tells me, are you 299 00:15:45,280 --> 00:15:48,960 Speaker 1: sure you want to call yourself? Because people respond differently, 300 00:15:49,280 --> 00:15:51,560 Speaker 1: But in my mind, I'm like this woman got me 301 00:15:51,600 --> 00:15:54,600 Speaker 1: not breathing right now. I'm sorry. I'm sorry because in 302 00:15:54,680 --> 00:15:56,520 Speaker 1: my mind the way it occurred to you, like what 303 00:15:56,560 --> 00:15:59,160 Speaker 1: if he said no, it never occurred to me. In 304 00:15:59,320 --> 00:16:02,720 Speaker 1: my mind was thinking, he's going to be so happy 305 00:16:03,640 --> 00:16:07,160 Speaker 1: that I'm reaching out that I found him, because clearly 306 00:16:07,200 --> 00:16:10,200 Speaker 1: because I always had I always had grace and compassion 307 00:16:10,240 --> 00:16:12,240 Speaker 1: for him. I was like, he was on drugs, he 308 00:16:12,320 --> 00:16:14,960 Speaker 1: had a problem. I always kind of. And then I 309 00:16:15,000 --> 00:16:17,680 Speaker 1: think that led to if we connect what our parents 310 00:16:17,760 --> 00:16:20,680 Speaker 1: due to us to our lives. I thought, that's probably 311 00:16:20,680 --> 00:16:24,680 Speaker 1: why I'm I give people whoever. They are not always 312 00:16:24,680 --> 00:16:27,120 Speaker 1: good people, but I see good I see I see 313 00:16:27,120 --> 00:16:29,360 Speaker 1: oh something that something happened to you. That's why you're 314 00:16:29,400 --> 00:16:31,800 Speaker 1: like this. I don't see people as bad people. I 315 00:16:31,800 --> 00:16:34,280 Speaker 1: always give people, you know, So I think because that 316 00:16:34,720 --> 00:16:38,480 Speaker 1: I grew up that way. Anyway, So fast forward, UM, 317 00:16:38,520 --> 00:16:42,880 Speaker 1: so we called so he called. The wife knew nothing 318 00:16:42,920 --> 00:16:46,280 Speaker 1: of my existence. She didn't even know he had a child. 319 00:16:47,720 --> 00:16:54,600 Speaker 1: Um and I'll just say that he wasn't openly receptive 320 00:16:54,680 --> 00:17:05,560 Speaker 1: to connecting. Can make me to this day. Yeah, I'm sorry. 321 00:17:09,240 --> 00:17:11,040 Speaker 1: You know, I was worried that I was gonna I 322 00:17:11,080 --> 00:17:13,000 Speaker 1: was like, I haven't talked about anybody, so like, I'm 323 00:17:13,040 --> 00:17:14,879 Speaker 1: gonna tell Kelly, I hope I don't cry today, and 324 00:17:15,400 --> 00:17:21,159 Speaker 1: I would be so annoying. Crying is so annoying, you know. 325 00:17:21,240 --> 00:17:22,720 Speaker 1: But you know, sometimes you have to get things out 326 00:17:22,720 --> 00:17:24,520 Speaker 1: once or twice so you can talk about it without crying. 327 00:17:24,520 --> 00:17:25,679 Speaker 1: And I haven't done it yet. So I was like, 328 00:17:25,680 --> 00:17:30,640 Speaker 1: I know what's gonna happen today? Anyway, I know, isn't 329 00:17:30,680 --> 00:17:33,600 Speaker 1: that horrible? But I always gave him the grace of 330 00:17:33,720 --> 00:17:36,040 Speaker 1: like and I heard you say this about your father. 331 00:17:37,280 --> 00:17:40,119 Speaker 1: Maybe he didn't Um, he could only be what he 332 00:17:40,160 --> 00:17:43,399 Speaker 1: could be, like he wasn't capable and from whatever his 333 00:17:43,440 --> 00:17:46,960 Speaker 1: experiences were. But it shifted something in me for a minute, 334 00:17:47,680 --> 00:17:50,800 Speaker 1: and I think it was not good. H The same 335 00:17:50,840 --> 00:17:52,240 Speaker 1: way I say I always have grace for people, I 336 00:17:52,280 --> 00:17:55,160 Speaker 1: started being like, all of a sudden, super judgmentally about 337 00:17:55,200 --> 00:17:57,240 Speaker 1: people because I thought all these years I gave this. 338 00:17:57,440 --> 00:18:00,800 Speaker 1: I thought he was a drug addict. I feel bad 339 00:18:00,840 --> 00:18:03,719 Speaker 1: for him. I wasn't. I never had anger. Did you 340 00:18:03,720 --> 00:18:06,520 Speaker 1: ever have anger? Um? I think it came out in 341 00:18:06,640 --> 00:18:10,040 Speaker 1: some way some ways. I didn't have like anger towards him. 342 00:18:10,040 --> 00:18:11,719 Speaker 1: I always kind of gave him this thing so then 343 00:18:11,720 --> 00:18:13,840 Speaker 1: all of a sudden, I was like, oh, he wasn't 344 00:18:13,880 --> 00:18:16,919 Speaker 1: a drug addictated problems and couldn't He's like not a 345 00:18:16,920 --> 00:18:20,280 Speaker 1: good guy. Yeah. So then I start looking at everybody 346 00:18:20,280 --> 00:18:22,600 Speaker 1: in my life like, why are you here? You still? 347 00:18:22,600 --> 00:18:24,040 Speaker 1: You were going left, you were right? Why did you 348 00:18:24,080 --> 00:18:27,000 Speaker 1: do that? I started getting like it's not good either. 349 00:18:28,760 --> 00:18:32,240 Speaker 1: So I have worked on it. I feel like I'm 350 00:18:32,240 --> 00:18:33,919 Speaker 1: on the other side of that now, and I do 351 00:18:34,040 --> 00:18:36,920 Speaker 1: realize the original way that I've always left my life 352 00:18:37,040 --> 00:18:39,040 Speaker 1: is actually the better way to be, because it is 353 00:18:39,080 --> 00:18:42,520 Speaker 1: true everybody's experiences make them who they are. I think 354 00:18:42,520 --> 00:18:49,840 Speaker 1: that was just like the temporary, temporary reaction to deep disappointment. 355 00:18:50,320 --> 00:18:57,960 Speaker 1: It's rejection, Angie, that that sucks. Rejection sucks, and especially 356 00:18:58,080 --> 00:19:03,200 Speaker 1: when it's flowing through your veins like that, is super disappointing. 357 00:19:03,280 --> 00:19:06,720 Speaker 1: And I remember thinking about what if he doesn't respond? 358 00:19:07,080 --> 00:19:09,080 Speaker 1: So you even thought about that, I I don't even thought 359 00:19:09,119 --> 00:19:12,320 Speaker 1: about it, what if he doesn't respond? I remember walking 360 00:19:12,920 --> 00:19:15,280 Speaker 1: to meet him. My feet got heavy. I mean, he 361 00:19:15,359 --> 00:19:18,160 Speaker 1: showed up, but even still, like I had all these 362 00:19:18,160 --> 00:19:20,159 Speaker 1: things I wanted to say. I was going to go 363 00:19:20,280 --> 00:19:22,720 Speaker 1: in on this man. Why weren't you there? Why don't 364 00:19:22,720 --> 00:19:24,320 Speaker 1: you such a such I can't believe with you, like 365 00:19:24,359 --> 00:19:28,040 Speaker 1: I knew every and it was all spewing. You had 366 00:19:28,080 --> 00:19:33,119 Speaker 1: an anger. I kid you not. The moment I walked 367 00:19:33,160 --> 00:19:37,520 Speaker 1: in there, I saw his face, I saw how old 368 00:19:37,560 --> 00:19:44,639 Speaker 1: he was, I saw time. I said something said be quiet. 369 00:19:45,160 --> 00:19:48,480 Speaker 1: Mm hmm. I was quiet. I let this man talk 370 00:19:48,560 --> 00:19:52,680 Speaker 1: for two hours. Two hours he needed to get out 371 00:19:52,720 --> 00:19:55,840 Speaker 1: everything that he needed to get out, and he still 372 00:19:55,920 --> 00:20:00,199 Speaker 1: kept talking. And and then you know, it was like 373 00:20:00,320 --> 00:20:03,080 Speaker 1: certain things that he told me like fit the other 374 00:20:03,160 --> 00:20:05,359 Speaker 1: side of a part of a story that my mom 375 00:20:05,400 --> 00:20:07,199 Speaker 1: had told me, you know what I mean. But I'm like, 376 00:20:07,200 --> 00:20:09,720 Speaker 1: well that doesn't add up, and this part doesn't quite 377 00:20:09,720 --> 00:20:13,000 Speaker 1: make any sense. And why why why? You know? Did you? 378 00:20:13,440 --> 00:20:15,680 Speaker 1: Did you try to find me? You know? And he did. 379 00:20:15,840 --> 00:20:19,120 Speaker 1: But I realized in the course of that time of 380 00:20:19,160 --> 00:20:22,399 Speaker 1: my being mad at him, I also set boundaries up 381 00:20:22,440 --> 00:20:24,480 Speaker 1: for myself, Like I said, with me and the girls 382 00:20:24,520 --> 00:20:27,439 Speaker 1: would go on tour. I made sure to have a 383 00:20:27,520 --> 00:20:29,879 Speaker 1: meeting with the security guards, like if a man comes 384 00:20:29,920 --> 00:20:31,800 Speaker 1: to the gate and he says his name is this, 385 00:20:31,960 --> 00:20:35,399 Speaker 1: do not like I set up my boundaries because I 386 00:20:35,440 --> 00:20:37,800 Speaker 1: didn't know what was what he was going to bring 387 00:20:37,840 --> 00:20:39,880 Speaker 1: into my life, and I was like, I'm good right now. 388 00:20:40,240 --> 00:20:43,639 Speaker 1: So all that time, I'm protecting myself, you know what 389 00:20:43,680 --> 00:20:46,040 Speaker 1: I mean. But in all the time that I'm protecting myself, 390 00:20:46,200 --> 00:20:51,160 Speaker 1: I'm also going through the most tumultuous relationships choosing the 391 00:20:51,160 --> 00:20:53,920 Speaker 1: wrongest dudes to be around. That is part of the 392 00:20:54,400 --> 00:20:58,240 Speaker 1: that's what happened, That's what happened. So for you, like 393 00:20:58,320 --> 00:21:00,439 Speaker 1: so for me, my my version of the it's like, 394 00:21:00,480 --> 00:21:02,560 Speaker 1: so if I grew up without somebody who was there, 395 00:21:03,200 --> 00:21:05,679 Speaker 1: but I gave him grace. I would always pick guys 396 00:21:05,720 --> 00:21:10,840 Speaker 1: that I think subconsciously I knew would disappoint me, and 397 00:21:10,880 --> 00:21:13,200 Speaker 1: then when they did, I was almost like relieved, and 398 00:21:13,280 --> 00:21:15,360 Speaker 1: I was like, I knew that was gonna happen anyway. 399 00:21:15,480 --> 00:21:18,160 Speaker 1: I was almost like this bizarre, like I would choose 400 00:21:18,200 --> 00:21:20,439 Speaker 1: people I knew We're going to be a problem, right, 401 00:21:21,240 --> 00:21:23,800 Speaker 1: what is that? This is great? Just so much for 402 00:21:23,880 --> 00:21:27,959 Speaker 1: the disappointment over this. So I'm comfortable with this. I 403 00:21:28,000 --> 00:21:29,959 Speaker 1: know how this goes. So this is what I'm comfortable. 404 00:21:30,000 --> 00:21:32,480 Speaker 1: So this is what I choose. And then the other 405 00:21:32,520 --> 00:21:34,040 Speaker 1: side of that for me, well, how did it show 406 00:21:34,040 --> 00:21:37,320 Speaker 1: it for you? Because you would pick these terrible what 407 00:21:37,440 --> 00:21:42,040 Speaker 1: kind of like just um, just emotionally unavailable. It was 408 00:21:42,080 --> 00:21:44,439 Speaker 1: almost like we were both wearing the T shirt, but 409 00:21:44,480 --> 00:21:47,240 Speaker 1: I hadn't stamped on my forehead and they they had 410 00:21:47,560 --> 00:21:50,520 Speaker 1: it stamped everywhere. It looked like a damn cautious time 411 00:21:50,760 --> 00:21:53,120 Speaker 1: just wrapped up with tape. Do not inner here, I'm 412 00:21:53,119 --> 00:21:55,959 Speaker 1: emotionally unavailable, Do not inner here, I'm emotionally available. Like 413 00:21:56,000 --> 00:21:57,720 Speaker 1: I would see that all was it? Because you would 414 00:21:57,760 --> 00:22:01,040 Speaker 1: think if you broke them when you would try to 415 00:22:01,040 --> 00:22:02,920 Speaker 1: cut through. It was like, I don't know if it 416 00:22:03,160 --> 00:22:05,640 Speaker 1: was that as much as it was like I don't 417 00:22:05,640 --> 00:22:08,040 Speaker 1: know because I was also so young, you know what 418 00:22:08,080 --> 00:22:12,720 Speaker 1: I mean. So and I always gave men this whole 419 00:22:12,800 --> 00:22:17,040 Speaker 1: space to to put them on a pedestal too. That 420 00:22:17,200 --> 00:22:18,920 Speaker 1: was mine. I don't know what that is. I'm still 421 00:22:18,920 --> 00:22:22,560 Speaker 1: working that out, um, but mine they would be put 422 00:22:22,640 --> 00:22:25,080 Speaker 1: on a pedestal. And I think that a lot of 423 00:22:25,119 --> 00:22:29,159 Speaker 1: that was not knowing exactly who he was, you know 424 00:22:29,200 --> 00:22:32,239 Speaker 1: what I mean. So, like going into relationships was like, 425 00:22:32,440 --> 00:22:35,400 Speaker 1: I wonder what this is going to be. Like it's 426 00:22:35,480 --> 00:22:38,600 Speaker 1: almost like a during fairy tale and it's not a 427 00:22:38,640 --> 00:22:41,320 Speaker 1: fairy sale learning at all. But did you feel like 428 00:22:41,400 --> 00:22:43,480 Speaker 1: healing that because so for me, even though mine went 429 00:22:43,600 --> 00:22:46,200 Speaker 1: left and didn't necessarily wasn't like a happy ending. I 430 00:22:46,240 --> 00:22:48,560 Speaker 1: don't know, I feel like I know my I feel 431 00:22:48,560 --> 00:22:51,280 Speaker 1: like in my own relationship, I'm better now because I 432 00:22:51,320 --> 00:22:54,480 Speaker 1: realized some of the things that I wasn't good at 433 00:22:54,480 --> 00:22:56,960 Speaker 1: communicating or that I you know that, Yeah, you start 434 00:22:57,000 --> 00:22:59,400 Speaker 1: owning your stuff, and that's probably me. I probably did 435 00:22:59,400 --> 00:23:01,320 Speaker 1: that because I didn't you know, I didn't trust because 436 00:23:01,359 --> 00:23:03,560 Speaker 1: I didn't want to, right. And so then when you 437 00:23:03,600 --> 00:23:05,680 Speaker 1: find somebody that's willing to go through that with you, 438 00:23:06,080 --> 00:23:10,240 Speaker 1: that's pretty great awesome, Yeah, especially because they was so sweet. 439 00:23:10,280 --> 00:23:12,920 Speaker 1: He was like, I want to share my family with you. 440 00:23:13,520 --> 00:23:17,280 Speaker 1: When he comes that family, Oh my god, everybody's like, 441 00:23:17,840 --> 00:23:20,000 Speaker 1: I mean, if if anything, I always make this joke, 442 00:23:20,000 --> 00:23:21,920 Speaker 1: I'm like, oh my god, I'm the heathen of the family. 443 00:23:23,080 --> 00:23:26,200 Speaker 1: Everybody's like going to church. And his sister Dawn is 444 00:23:26,280 --> 00:23:30,440 Speaker 1: like the sweetest things is slidespread. His brother's incredibly awesome. 445 00:23:30,920 --> 00:23:36,240 Speaker 1: His mom is like Heaven. His mom is literally Heaven's great. 446 00:23:36,400 --> 00:23:40,320 Speaker 1: She's great. She's great and the best grandmother and just 447 00:23:40,720 --> 00:23:43,560 Speaker 1: a really great mom. We Ki ki and on the phone, 448 00:23:44,560 --> 00:23:49,639 Speaker 1: she's awesome. So yeah, Tim turned out really dope. You 449 00:23:49,760 --> 00:23:52,000 Speaker 1: did good, Mama. I think that's been a thing for you, 450 00:23:52,080 --> 00:23:54,560 Speaker 1: Like you really even though you've had in your own 451 00:23:54,640 --> 00:23:57,520 Speaker 1: family and stuff interesting different dynamics and you had to 452 00:23:57,520 --> 00:23:59,880 Speaker 1: do some healing. I mean, even the family you created 453 00:24:00,000 --> 00:24:03,400 Speaker 1: with the Noses. Yes, that was it was awesome. It's 454 00:24:03,400 --> 00:24:05,760 Speaker 1: a beautiful. Yeah, it was awesome. And we still have 455 00:24:05,840 --> 00:24:08,119 Speaker 1: each other to this day. It's like, yeah, to be 456 00:24:08,240 --> 00:24:10,760 Speaker 1: able to have this abundance of love and family is 457 00:24:10,800 --> 00:24:13,560 Speaker 1: really awesome. And it's so sweet because Tighten yesterday goes mommy. 458 00:24:13,840 --> 00:24:15,919 Speaker 1: He said, yes, son, He says, I want to have 459 00:24:16,080 --> 00:24:19,399 Speaker 1: a birthday dinner. He's like, with just our family. I 460 00:24:19,400 --> 00:24:22,320 Speaker 1: said okay, and he proceeds to say everybody, and he 461 00:24:22,400 --> 00:24:25,920 Speaker 1: says his cousins, and of course it includes being all 462 00:24:25,960 --> 00:24:29,119 Speaker 1: her families and his best friend who has become like family. 463 00:24:29,200 --> 00:24:32,560 Speaker 1: I always say, like, you know, you meet people as 464 00:24:32,600 --> 00:24:36,600 Speaker 1: you're getting older, and like his best friend, Cairo's mom 465 00:24:36,640 --> 00:24:38,720 Speaker 1: has become like a sister to me, you know what 466 00:24:38,760 --> 00:24:41,800 Speaker 1: I mean. So he sees honesty and truth and people 467 00:24:41,880 --> 00:24:45,240 Speaker 1: and wants them and his family. It's the sweetest thing. 468 00:24:45,280 --> 00:24:47,280 Speaker 1: That means you're doing good. That's like, what a great 469 00:24:47,320 --> 00:24:49,560 Speaker 1: thing to having your kids, your kids to be able 470 00:24:49,560 --> 00:24:53,000 Speaker 1: to have Ye, unbelievable. And how's things going with your dad? Now? 471 00:24:53,440 --> 00:24:58,600 Speaker 1: It's great? Really, yes, it's just like it's great. It's 472 00:24:58,680 --> 00:25:01,800 Speaker 1: it's so funny this appointments in it. I mean, here's 473 00:25:01,800 --> 00:25:05,840 Speaker 1: the thing. What's interesting is is he'll go days without 474 00:25:06,000 --> 00:25:09,400 Speaker 1: calling and I'm like, Dad, where were you? And He's like, oh, 475 00:25:09,440 --> 00:25:11,560 Speaker 1: I was at work, baby, I thought. And then he'll say, 476 00:25:11,760 --> 00:25:15,360 Speaker 1: I thought you forgot about me, and then his trauma 477 00:25:15,400 --> 00:25:18,000 Speaker 1: sets in and then he won't call me because he'll 478 00:25:18,000 --> 00:25:21,320 Speaker 1: think that I'm mad at him, and then or he'll 479 00:25:21,359 --> 00:25:23,639 Speaker 1: call me like I can't believe you ain't call me, 480 00:25:23,640 --> 00:25:26,800 Speaker 1: And that's just rude. You don't do your daddy like that. 481 00:25:26,840 --> 00:25:29,680 Speaker 1: I said, Daddy, this is um two side going and 482 00:25:29,760 --> 00:25:32,359 Speaker 1: you are? You called me too, just to check in. 483 00:25:32,440 --> 00:25:35,000 Speaker 1: You're still learning, that's the way. Yes, we're learning each other. 484 00:25:35,040 --> 00:25:37,520 Speaker 1: And he truth be told, doesn't know how to be 485 00:25:37,560 --> 00:25:39,920 Speaker 1: a dad, you know what I mean? And he told 486 00:25:40,000 --> 00:25:43,359 Speaker 1: he told me like his trauma with his dad and 487 00:25:43,400 --> 00:25:46,720 Speaker 1: his dad's dad. So they're all learning to like they 488 00:25:46,800 --> 00:25:49,760 Speaker 1: all experience that. How are you navigating through like like 489 00:25:49,840 --> 00:25:52,520 Speaker 1: for me? So this whole podcast is called in real 490 00:25:52,560 --> 00:25:54,600 Speaker 1: life because I had in the past, I had a 491 00:25:54,680 --> 00:25:57,119 Speaker 1: really good life, like not a lot of loss. I 492 00:25:57,160 --> 00:26:00,480 Speaker 1: had not no trauma. I never really had to anxiety 493 00:26:00,480 --> 00:26:01,760 Speaker 1: in that type of way that I had car acts. 494 00:26:01,800 --> 00:26:03,600 Speaker 1: And all of a sudden, I knew what anxiety was 495 00:26:03,680 --> 00:26:05,520 Speaker 1: and what trauma was. I knew what loss was. I 496 00:26:05,560 --> 00:26:07,800 Speaker 1: knew I had this thing with my dad that happened. 497 00:26:08,280 --> 00:26:11,000 Speaker 1: I called my dad, that's so nuts because he is, Okay, 498 00:26:11,119 --> 00:26:16,600 Speaker 1: my father father is probably that's fair, my biological father 499 00:26:17,280 --> 00:26:19,159 Speaker 1: is thinking of my biological father. But but then it 500 00:26:19,200 --> 00:26:22,200 Speaker 1: translates into my work and my career and my purpose 501 00:26:22,240 --> 00:26:24,760 Speaker 1: in my life. So I feel like I have figured 502 00:26:24,800 --> 00:26:28,199 Speaker 1: out a way for these life, real life experiences to 503 00:26:28,359 --> 00:26:31,159 Speaker 1: do what I love and also kind of intertwined them 504 00:26:31,200 --> 00:26:33,399 Speaker 1: in a weird way and have these conversations about these 505 00:26:33,440 --> 00:26:35,960 Speaker 1: experiences and share and all of that stuff. So I 506 00:26:36,000 --> 00:26:38,800 Speaker 1: wonder for you, because you have had a beautiful career. 507 00:26:39,040 --> 00:26:41,280 Speaker 1: I feel like you do what you want or just 508 00:26:41,480 --> 00:26:43,920 Speaker 1: getting started. Yeah, and I can write I aroady. I 509 00:26:43,960 --> 00:26:46,119 Speaker 1: mean I know some things, but like I don't know 510 00:26:46,160 --> 00:26:48,320 Speaker 1: what goes on in your real life. How has that 511 00:26:48,440 --> 00:26:52,760 Speaker 1: kind of seeped into creativity, creativity and work and your 512 00:26:52,800 --> 00:26:56,160 Speaker 1: career and your all the time. I mean in friendship 513 00:26:57,040 --> 00:27:00,560 Speaker 1: and motherhood big time, some of the business and stuff 514 00:27:00,560 --> 00:27:04,359 Speaker 1: that yeah, yes, yeah, certain things like I think about 515 00:27:04,440 --> 00:27:07,760 Speaker 1: more and have more of an understanding and care about more, 516 00:27:07,880 --> 00:27:10,200 Speaker 1: like not just for my kids, you know what I mean. 517 00:27:10,359 --> 00:27:14,080 Speaker 1: There's so many opportunities and moments that I'll get information 518 00:27:14,520 --> 00:27:17,760 Speaker 1: and I'm like, my community needs this information. How do 519 00:27:18,000 --> 00:27:21,480 Speaker 1: how am I able to get this to my community 520 00:27:21,680 --> 00:27:25,000 Speaker 1: and underserved communities to UM. So I think about it 521 00:27:25,040 --> 00:27:27,479 Speaker 1: in that aspect, and I'm working it out in that space, 522 00:27:28,119 --> 00:27:31,480 Speaker 1: UM and excited about that because I feel like we'll 523 00:27:31,480 --> 00:27:34,240 Speaker 1: get the last piece of information and it's too late, 524 00:27:34,480 --> 00:27:37,239 Speaker 1: you know what I mean, whether it's health, wellness, just 525 00:27:37,320 --> 00:27:39,520 Speaker 1: taking care of each other. I want to be better 526 00:27:40,160 --> 00:27:45,280 Speaker 1: at taking care of my community women, black and brown women, UM. 527 00:27:45,320 --> 00:27:48,720 Speaker 1: Just to make sure that we are coming together more 528 00:27:48,920 --> 00:27:54,800 Speaker 1: for not just concerts anymore, but not just about that anymore. 529 00:27:55,240 --> 00:27:58,720 Speaker 1: They're they're you know, we don't care about that. But 530 00:27:58,880 --> 00:28:02,280 Speaker 1: it's other things things, UM, that will preserve our lives 531 00:28:02,280 --> 00:28:06,719 Speaker 1: in the most beautiful way, whether it's laughter, um, in uh, 532 00:28:06,960 --> 00:28:10,439 Speaker 1: television and film. I feel like it's kind of like 533 00:28:10,520 --> 00:28:13,640 Speaker 1: bleeding into everything in the most beautiful way. So I'm 534 00:28:13,920 --> 00:28:17,280 Speaker 1: grateful for that. How important is your like when you 535 00:28:17,280 --> 00:28:19,639 Speaker 1: think about the scheme of life? In my first chapter, 536 00:28:19,680 --> 00:28:21,920 Speaker 1: we talked about the fact that we're all here on 537 00:28:22,040 --> 00:28:24,480 Speaker 1: like limited time, right, our life is limited time. I 538 00:28:24,480 --> 00:28:26,760 Speaker 1: don't know how important is your career in the scheme 539 00:28:26,800 --> 00:28:34,000 Speaker 1: of your life. It's my faith, my family, my friends 540 00:28:34,040 --> 00:28:40,160 Speaker 1: of course, Oh my career friends over career. I mean, 541 00:28:40,240 --> 00:28:43,000 Speaker 1: because my friends are more like family, so I call 542 00:28:43,080 --> 00:28:47,520 Speaker 1: it my family. So my family, I mean, my my 543 00:28:47,600 --> 00:28:50,000 Speaker 1: career is definitely at the top. Because you are a 544 00:28:50,080 --> 00:28:54,000 Speaker 1: driven woman. You've always been driven. Yes, yes, yes. I 545 00:28:54,040 --> 00:28:58,400 Speaker 1: mean if something happened to where there's like something crazy 546 00:28:58,840 --> 00:29:01,280 Speaker 1: big that I need to do and something is happening 547 00:29:01,320 --> 00:29:04,320 Speaker 1: with my kids, I'm out. I have to pull out 548 00:29:04,320 --> 00:29:07,240 Speaker 1: of it. I mean, something like that like recently happened. 549 00:29:07,400 --> 00:29:09,959 Speaker 1: It was an opportunity that I really should have taken. 550 00:29:10,320 --> 00:29:13,120 Speaker 1: Your team is laughing over there. It was big, It 551 00:29:13,200 --> 00:29:18,840 Speaker 1: must have been big. It was very accord, and I 552 00:29:18,960 --> 00:29:23,000 Speaker 1: was like, I'm gonna go home because Titan needs me, 553 00:29:23,920 --> 00:29:27,520 Speaker 1: and that's exactly what I did. I was like, Wow, 554 00:29:27,680 --> 00:29:29,680 Speaker 1: I'm gonna say goodbye to that. But it's gonna come 555 00:29:29,680 --> 00:29:32,640 Speaker 1: back in some sort of of course. It will, and 556 00:29:32,680 --> 00:29:34,840 Speaker 1: it was probably just a test. If it was a test, 557 00:29:35,360 --> 00:29:41,320 Speaker 1: it's cool I passed. I passed with flying colors, White Color. 558 00:29:42,160 --> 00:29:44,360 Speaker 1: But I've had the most amazing time being home with 559 00:29:44,400 --> 00:29:47,440 Speaker 1: my kids. And funny enough, from being home with my kids, 560 00:29:47,480 --> 00:29:50,960 Speaker 1: I've gotten four more ideas. Don't you feel like that 561 00:29:51,000 --> 00:29:52,360 Speaker 1: when you're like on the right. I always feel like, 562 00:29:52,400 --> 00:29:54,360 Speaker 1: if I'm doing exactly what I'm supposed to be doing, 563 00:29:54,600 --> 00:29:57,720 Speaker 1: things just work out because you're on your path, they do. 564 00:29:58,600 --> 00:30:00,440 Speaker 1: What did Laurence say? What was the Lauren quote in 565 00:30:00,440 --> 00:30:03,400 Speaker 1: the first episode? She said, I just want to do 566 00:30:03,880 --> 00:30:06,560 Speaker 1: I don't want to miss my mark. I just don't 567 00:30:06,560 --> 00:30:08,719 Speaker 1: want to miss my mark. Whatever guy wants me to do, 568 00:30:08,800 --> 00:30:11,840 Speaker 1: I want to do that. Yeah, it was a bar. 569 00:30:12,000 --> 00:30:14,920 Speaker 1: I felt that so deep, like that is what I 570 00:30:14,960 --> 00:30:17,400 Speaker 1: need to be doing. And when you're on your mark, 571 00:30:17,600 --> 00:30:20,480 Speaker 1: it's just like you can't miss, you can't you won't miss, 572 00:30:20,600 --> 00:30:23,640 Speaker 1: especially because it's God's timing and you're like set up 573 00:30:23,680 --> 00:30:26,800 Speaker 1: in the perfect way that makes perfect sense. But it 574 00:30:26,880 --> 00:30:30,200 Speaker 1: was a bar, you know, you know, it's a bar 575 00:30:30,320 --> 00:30:33,080 Speaker 1: to your advice that j gave you when you decided 576 00:30:33,120 --> 00:30:36,000 Speaker 1: to meet your father. It was he said, love, it's 577 00:30:36,040 --> 00:30:40,360 Speaker 1: a risk and you'd have to decide. I was like, 578 00:30:41,520 --> 00:30:46,800 Speaker 1: I'm scared, But it was did you hear what happen when? 579 00:30:49,360 --> 00:30:52,200 Speaker 1: But what that is? Love? You know what I mean? 580 00:30:52,280 --> 00:30:55,920 Speaker 1: And it was, I do feel like what you did 581 00:30:56,200 --> 00:30:59,320 Speaker 1: was love? You still love past even a capacity in 582 00:30:59,360 --> 00:31:04,120 Speaker 1: which he good luck. Perhaps no, Angie, you did. I 583 00:31:04,160 --> 00:31:07,160 Speaker 1: don't know. I would like to say, I think I 584 00:31:07,200 --> 00:31:10,160 Speaker 1: had had curiosity. Of course I had interests. I had 585 00:31:10,200 --> 00:31:12,360 Speaker 1: interest in, like tying a bow. I didn't even know 586 00:31:12,360 --> 00:31:14,200 Speaker 1: if I wanted to take it past a cup of coffee. 587 00:31:14,320 --> 00:31:16,600 Speaker 1: I wasn't like looking to reconnect the way you I'm 588 00:31:16,600 --> 00:31:20,800 Speaker 1: talking about. I'm saying, to have the forgiveness of all 589 00:31:20,880 --> 00:31:24,840 Speaker 1: that you encountered with him and then reach out to him. 590 00:31:25,200 --> 00:31:27,240 Speaker 1: This is this is we're talking about a whole bunch 591 00:31:27,240 --> 00:31:28,880 Speaker 1: of stuff on the table, with the same kind of 592 00:31:28,920 --> 00:31:33,200 Speaker 1: stuff I went through, the abandonment, the unavailability, like the 593 00:31:33,280 --> 00:31:35,640 Speaker 1: list of trust. That list goes on and on and on, 594 00:31:35,720 --> 00:31:39,440 Speaker 1: and you still saw it in your gracious big heart 595 00:31:40,160 --> 00:31:44,160 Speaker 1: to say, excuse me, can I have a moment of 596 00:31:44,200 --> 00:31:46,960 Speaker 1: your time? In that moment, it wasn't even necessarily about him. 597 00:31:47,040 --> 00:31:52,400 Speaker 1: It showed what a big, glorious being you are. Sweet, 598 00:31:52,480 --> 00:31:55,040 Speaker 1: you know what I mean, Like that's really that's really 599 00:31:55,040 --> 00:31:57,760 Speaker 1: big of you. You you have forgiveness and granted his 600 00:31:57,840 --> 00:32:02,560 Speaker 1: actions afterwards were just pointing, but you still have the 601 00:32:02,560 --> 00:32:05,960 Speaker 1: capacity to call. Some people are just like I'm I 602 00:32:05,960 --> 00:32:07,640 Speaker 1: don't forgive you. I want to just I want to 603 00:32:07,760 --> 00:32:10,520 Speaker 1: rid you. I don't care what happens to you. You're 604 00:32:10,520 --> 00:32:14,000 Speaker 1: not You're not harboring that. No, I'm not harboring exactly. 605 00:32:14,080 --> 00:32:18,600 Speaker 1: But that's that's freedom. Yeah, you're right, you're right, Yeah, 606 00:32:18,640 --> 00:32:21,360 Speaker 1: you're right. Yeah, you're right. No, you're right. But I 607 00:32:21,400 --> 00:32:26,320 Speaker 1: also feel like some of it was self serving. I 608 00:32:26,320 --> 00:32:29,240 Speaker 1: don't want to act like I'm this big grace forgiving, 609 00:32:29,760 --> 00:32:31,520 Speaker 1: you know, for some of it was like closure and 610 00:32:31,520 --> 00:32:34,440 Speaker 1: freedom for me that I feel. I'm probably it's probably 611 00:32:34,480 --> 00:32:36,960 Speaker 1: too fresh too, you know, usually we talk about things 612 00:32:37,000 --> 00:32:38,920 Speaker 1: when you're on the other. Yeah, we talked about it, 613 00:32:38,920 --> 00:32:40,120 Speaker 1: like in a year when I could be like, you know, 614 00:32:40,160 --> 00:32:41,720 Speaker 1: what I learned from that? Because I know I believe 615 00:32:41,760 --> 00:32:45,400 Speaker 1: you learned something from every situation, and I know that 616 00:32:46,360 --> 00:32:49,080 Speaker 1: I haven't all the way resolved the end of that piece. 617 00:32:49,160 --> 00:32:51,640 Speaker 1: Yet it's a little weird to talk about something when 618 00:32:51,680 --> 00:32:56,680 Speaker 1: it's still kind of like yeah, fresh and unresolved. You know, 619 00:32:56,760 --> 00:32:58,720 Speaker 1: it's like you don't have that. So you know what 620 00:32:58,800 --> 00:33:00,840 Speaker 1: else I thought about, like when my dad I said 621 00:33:01,120 --> 00:33:03,520 Speaker 1: what I said, What if he doesn't want to meet 622 00:33:03,560 --> 00:33:06,440 Speaker 1: me because he doesn't want to in any sort of 623 00:33:06,440 --> 00:33:10,120 Speaker 1: shape or way revisit that part of his life. And 624 00:33:10,200 --> 00:33:15,760 Speaker 1: I can't help but to feel like, you know, even 625 00:33:15,800 --> 00:33:18,320 Speaker 1: that's something that they can't They don't want to turn 626 00:33:18,360 --> 00:33:20,520 Speaker 1: back and look look at you know what I mean, 627 00:33:20,560 --> 00:33:23,880 Speaker 1: because it just makes them it might trigger something. You 628 00:33:23,960 --> 00:33:28,400 Speaker 1: just don't know what what they're gonna feel, like how 629 00:33:28,400 --> 00:33:32,520 Speaker 1: it's gonna make them feel. He just didn't have the capacity, 630 00:33:33,280 --> 00:33:36,240 Speaker 1: but he in my case, I believe he probably doesn't 631 00:33:36,280 --> 00:33:37,640 Speaker 1: want to go back, Like how you said you were 632 00:33:37,640 --> 00:33:40,280 Speaker 1: worried about your father not wanting to go back. If 633 00:33:40,320 --> 00:33:42,480 Speaker 1: my father is living in a world where the woman 634 00:33:42,560 --> 00:33:45,120 Speaker 1: he is married to I didn't know he had a daughter, 635 00:33:45,520 --> 00:33:47,400 Speaker 1: didn't know he used to be a drug addict, a 636 00:33:47,440 --> 00:33:52,400 Speaker 1: heroin addict. The idea to him of having to open 637 00:33:52,480 --> 00:33:57,880 Speaker 1: up that box and be accountable if he hasn't done 638 00:33:57,920 --> 00:34:03,760 Speaker 1: the work, what does he have to offer me, So 639 00:34:04,240 --> 00:34:07,480 Speaker 1: I'll give him grace in that space he's not ready. Yeah, 640 00:34:08,080 --> 00:34:11,200 Speaker 1: it's much better for him in his space to sweep 641 00:34:11,200 --> 00:34:14,200 Speaker 1: it under the rug. It would just be much better. Yeah, 642 00:34:14,400 --> 00:34:16,799 Speaker 1: and that's okay. Why do you think your father was ready? 643 00:34:16,840 --> 00:34:19,440 Speaker 1: Did he do work? Did he do the work? So, 644 00:34:19,719 --> 00:34:22,799 Speaker 1: my dad, when my mom and dad were together, he 645 00:34:22,880 --> 00:34:27,399 Speaker 1: was an alcoholic, and I the last I remember from 646 00:34:27,480 --> 00:34:29,520 Speaker 1: him is that he was an alcoholic. So when I 647 00:34:29,560 --> 00:34:32,880 Speaker 1: saw him again and he didn't look like he was drinking, 648 00:34:32,920 --> 00:34:34,959 Speaker 1: and he was taking care of himself, and he told 649 00:34:35,000 --> 00:34:37,319 Speaker 1: me how when we met, he told me how long 650 00:34:37,360 --> 00:34:42,080 Speaker 1: he'd been like sober and what he was doing, and 651 00:34:42,400 --> 00:34:45,800 Speaker 1: he'd had this wife for this long. And he works 652 00:34:45,800 --> 00:34:48,160 Speaker 1: his job. He still works his job. My daddy still 653 00:34:48,200 --> 00:34:53,120 Speaker 1: works his job years old. He top flight security love. 654 00:34:53,400 --> 00:34:59,359 Speaker 1: So it's like, it's it's really dope that he um. 655 00:34:59,520 --> 00:35:03,640 Speaker 1: He did um too to tell me that he was 656 00:35:04,040 --> 00:35:06,480 Speaker 1: in a different place. He was excited to tell me 657 00:35:06,480 --> 00:35:08,960 Speaker 1: because my only memory of him was that he was 658 00:35:08,960 --> 00:35:12,200 Speaker 1: an alcoholic. And what a blessing that you gave that 659 00:35:12,239 --> 00:35:14,400 Speaker 1: to each other. Yeah, you know what I mean, especially 660 00:35:14,560 --> 00:35:17,600 Speaker 1: you said seventy six. Yeah, what a blessing for him. 661 00:35:17,560 --> 00:35:20,719 Speaker 1: It looks good, yea, so good. You got this from 662 00:35:20,719 --> 00:35:24,799 Speaker 1: somewhere he saw. But it's it's so many things. And 663 00:35:24,880 --> 00:35:26,959 Speaker 1: you don't know if I even said it the last time, 664 00:35:27,000 --> 00:35:31,960 Speaker 1: but my my dad said that my grandmother was a singer. 665 00:35:32,040 --> 00:35:34,960 Speaker 1: Do you know all that time I wonder where I 666 00:35:35,040 --> 00:35:38,160 Speaker 1: got singing from, where my voice came from. It was 667 00:35:38,239 --> 00:35:41,920 Speaker 1: from my grandmother. So I had this really beautiful moment 668 00:35:42,400 --> 00:35:46,560 Speaker 1: where sorry, at this really beautiful moment where he told 669 00:35:46,600 --> 00:35:50,080 Speaker 1: me my grandmother saying for Lena Horn and count Basie 670 00:35:50,160 --> 00:35:54,719 Speaker 1: and I was like what, literally looking at him like 671 00:35:54,800 --> 00:35:57,640 Speaker 1: you're kidding me. He's like, no, baby, Absolutely, he said 672 00:35:58,160 --> 00:36:01,080 Speaker 1: she used to spank my button and I was like what, 673 00:36:01,880 --> 00:36:06,680 Speaker 1: so I had Yeah, it was it was I love 674 00:36:06,800 --> 00:36:09,320 Speaker 1: that for you, me too, because my mama was like, no, 675 00:36:09,440 --> 00:36:14,200 Speaker 1: you got your singing from me, but your mama lied. 676 00:36:19,120 --> 00:36:21,719 Speaker 1: It's so funny because after I finished that interview, it 677 00:36:21,800 --> 00:36:24,160 Speaker 1: was almost like people wanted to keep talking about it 678 00:36:24,239 --> 00:36:28,920 Speaker 1: with me because they had their own experiences of estrangement 679 00:36:29,000 --> 00:36:31,960 Speaker 1: and family and stuff, and like this one girl pulled 680 00:36:31,960 --> 00:36:35,800 Speaker 1: me over to the side shout out to her and said, 681 00:36:36,320 --> 00:36:39,239 Speaker 1: how do you feel now? I'm so scared. I want 682 00:36:39,239 --> 00:36:41,239 Speaker 1: to reach out to my mom because her mom had 683 00:36:41,280 --> 00:36:44,520 Speaker 1: these personal issues. And she said, I haven't seen her 684 00:36:44,560 --> 00:36:47,800 Speaker 1: and I don't. When she just closed her eyes and 685 00:36:47,880 --> 00:36:49,880 Speaker 1: she clenched her fist, I was like, and I rubbed 686 00:36:49,880 --> 00:36:52,520 Speaker 1: her hands. I was like, you're really upset. I was like, 687 00:36:52,560 --> 00:36:55,200 Speaker 1: you gotta I get it, you're mad. You gotta let 688 00:36:55,200 --> 00:36:57,040 Speaker 1: some of that got on. I just rubbed her hands 689 00:36:57,120 --> 00:36:59,680 Speaker 1: and I just said, when you're ready, you'll do it. 690 00:37:00,440 --> 00:37:03,080 Speaker 1: That's good advice. Yeah, when you're ready to do it, 691 00:37:03,120 --> 00:37:05,640 Speaker 1: don't rush yourself. And she's like, but it's like you said, 692 00:37:05,680 --> 00:37:07,600 Speaker 1: each day is a promise. I said, it isn't. But 693 00:37:07,640 --> 00:37:09,719 Speaker 1: if it's supposed to happen, it's going to happen. And 694 00:37:09,760 --> 00:37:12,040 Speaker 1: I would tell that girl too. Even if you know 695 00:37:12,080 --> 00:37:15,239 Speaker 1: you have the Kelly roll, the Kelly Roland scenario, you 696 00:37:15,280 --> 00:37:18,799 Speaker 1: have the edge of Partina scenario. It could go either way. 697 00:37:19,239 --> 00:37:22,160 Speaker 1: It's the truth, but all you can really control is 698 00:37:22,160 --> 00:37:25,160 Speaker 1: how you deal with it and process it. For me, 699 00:37:25,280 --> 00:37:28,080 Speaker 1: I know that if I would have not done if 700 00:37:28,120 --> 00:37:30,719 Speaker 1: I would have never reached out and then five years 701 00:37:30,800 --> 00:37:34,520 Speaker 1: later got notification that he had passed, then who's that on? 702 00:37:36,480 --> 00:37:39,399 Speaker 1: That would have been on me, like why didn't I 703 00:37:38,360 --> 00:37:42,719 Speaker 1: I I? Whereas now I could be like, okay, God 704 00:37:42,719 --> 00:37:45,480 Speaker 1: bless him, Like I I could let go of that 705 00:37:45,560 --> 00:37:47,799 Speaker 1: from myself. So as somebody like that who has all 706 00:37:47,840 --> 00:37:50,160 Speaker 1: that stuff built up for their mom, it's like all 707 00:37:50,200 --> 00:37:53,319 Speaker 1: you can do is let it go so that you 708 00:37:53,360 --> 00:37:56,960 Speaker 1: could be free, yeah, and breathe, because like I think 709 00:37:56,960 --> 00:37:59,640 Speaker 1: that that's like some of our like tension, you know 710 00:37:59,680 --> 00:38:01,960 Speaker 1: what I'm me in our anxiety, and some of that 711 00:38:02,400 --> 00:38:05,240 Speaker 1: becomes toxic and then you start to have health problems, 712 00:38:05,280 --> 00:38:07,719 Speaker 1: and then you start to have heart problems. Like all 713 00:38:07,760 --> 00:38:13,120 Speaker 1: of it is like trickle effects. And women we are 714 00:38:13,280 --> 00:38:17,680 Speaker 1: different breeds. We carry every second, yes, and then we 715 00:38:17,760 --> 00:38:19,239 Speaker 1: give it to our children and then we give it 716 00:38:19,239 --> 00:38:22,280 Speaker 1: to our children. But that's why, like with black women, 717 00:38:22,360 --> 00:38:26,000 Speaker 1: I think that we lead the numbers and heart conditions. 718 00:38:26,200 --> 00:38:30,080 Speaker 1: We're making everything work. We're strong. That's that that thing 719 00:38:30,160 --> 00:38:32,719 Speaker 1: I hate that I think I hate that when I 720 00:38:32,800 --> 00:38:35,279 Speaker 1: strongly dislike that world, well, because why should you have 721 00:38:35,360 --> 00:38:38,879 Speaker 1: to be all the time? Yeah fair to anybody? It's 722 00:38:38,920 --> 00:38:41,560 Speaker 1: not so Yeah, that's there's the days where I just 723 00:38:41,600 --> 00:38:43,720 Speaker 1: want to cush you out, and days where I really 724 00:38:43,760 --> 00:38:45,600 Speaker 1: like you, and days where I need a moment to 725 00:38:45,680 --> 00:38:47,319 Speaker 1: myself these days where I gotta pull over on the 726 00:38:47,320 --> 00:38:49,319 Speaker 1: side of the road and grab my eyes out and 727 00:38:49,360 --> 00:38:54,960 Speaker 1: then turn my frownd upset down in real life, in 728 00:38:55,160 --> 00:38:58,799 Speaker 1: real life, real life. I love that you're so free 729 00:38:58,840 --> 00:39:01,359 Speaker 1: and so open and so willing to share your stories, 730 00:39:01,360 --> 00:39:04,279 Speaker 1: because I really do think that people us having real 731 00:39:04,280 --> 00:39:07,120 Speaker 1: conversations about things like this. People need it. We all 732 00:39:07,160 --> 00:39:09,399 Speaker 1: need it, We still need it, all of us needed 733 00:39:09,440 --> 00:39:13,520 Speaker 1: successful people, people have come up, kids, teenagers, people who 734 00:39:13,560 --> 00:39:16,600 Speaker 1: are dealing with hardcore trauma right now need to know 735 00:39:16,680 --> 00:39:18,600 Speaker 1: that they are not by themselves. You know. It's like 736 00:39:18,760 --> 00:39:21,040 Speaker 1: the only way we get that kind of community and 737 00:39:21,080 --> 00:39:24,480 Speaker 1: open up conversations is by opening up ourselves and sharing. 738 00:39:24,520 --> 00:39:27,160 Speaker 1: And so I love that you do that. Thank you. 739 00:39:27,239 --> 00:39:29,360 Speaker 1: I love that you've made a space for it. Thank you, 740 00:39:30,200 --> 00:39:33,560 Speaker 1: thank you. But what else do I want to let 741 00:39:33,600 --> 00:39:37,640 Speaker 1: the people know before you go? You made me cry 742 00:39:37,719 --> 00:39:41,000 Speaker 1: twice today. You're gonna have a show or something? You 743 00:39:41,360 --> 00:39:43,160 Speaker 1: have like a talk show coming or something because this 744 00:39:44,160 --> 00:39:48,440 Speaker 1: asked me about it. I don't know. Yeah, you're good 745 00:39:48,440 --> 00:39:51,360 Speaker 1: at it. You're good at it. Thanks. Sorry, Well, hello, 746 00:39:53,320 --> 00:39:56,960 Speaker 1: I've been doing this for a long time. You can multitest. 747 00:39:57,000 --> 00:39:59,400 Speaker 1: I can't get on the stage and dance around and 748 00:39:59,480 --> 00:40:01,720 Speaker 1: sing like I ain't get on the stage and dancing 749 00:40:01,760 --> 00:40:04,000 Speaker 1: around the lessons with me and Michelle and you know, 750 00:40:04,080 --> 00:40:06,360 Speaker 1: it takes. It takes a real fun time to bring 751 00:40:06,360 --> 00:40:09,520 Speaker 1: me out. I must say I loved you guys. It 752 00:40:09,600 --> 00:40:12,120 Speaker 1: was so much fun. How good was that moment? It 753 00:40:12,280 --> 00:40:15,839 Speaker 1: was so much And Kelly, You're so good. Thanks man. 754 00:40:16,280 --> 00:40:17,920 Speaker 1: It's something you know, we don't see you all the 755 00:40:17,960 --> 00:40:19,920 Speaker 1: time do that, so when we see a moment like 756 00:40:19,960 --> 00:40:23,440 Speaker 1: that and you're reminded, YEA, damn, she's good. The funny 757 00:40:23,440 --> 00:40:26,040 Speaker 1: thing is, it's like I had this moment where I 758 00:40:26,080 --> 00:40:29,000 Speaker 1: was like, I really love performing with the girls, and 759 00:40:29,360 --> 00:40:30,840 Speaker 1: like I had to think about it, like do I 760 00:40:30,920 --> 00:40:34,239 Speaker 1: love performing by myself. I like performing by myself a lot, 761 00:40:34,960 --> 00:40:38,120 Speaker 1: especially when I get the luxury of rehearsals and time. 762 00:40:38,760 --> 00:40:43,200 Speaker 1: But like, I love it with the girls. It's just fun. 763 00:40:43,320 --> 00:40:46,560 Speaker 1: It's also probably how I started. But I also think, 764 00:40:46,640 --> 00:40:49,719 Speaker 1: like it's like certain like stuff that we do is 765 00:40:49,800 --> 00:40:52,400 Speaker 1: silly stuff that we do. Maybe this it reminds me 766 00:40:52,520 --> 00:40:56,640 Speaker 1: that I'm in my teens. I'm like, oh, I was sixteen, 767 00:40:56,960 --> 00:41:00,319 Speaker 1: and you know what I mean, exactly, no bill and 768 00:41:00,440 --> 00:41:03,160 Speaker 1: responsibilities and kids and it's great. But I love my 769 00:41:03,239 --> 00:41:05,200 Speaker 1: kids and just make that very clear. Some people be like, 770 00:41:05,239 --> 00:41:07,759 Speaker 1: oh my god, she doesn't but everybody knows you love 771 00:41:07,800 --> 00:41:10,040 Speaker 1: your kids. Yes, I do. I love my kids. Um, 772 00:41:10,239 --> 00:41:13,799 Speaker 1: but what I will say is that like I love performing, 773 00:41:13,960 --> 00:41:16,080 Speaker 1: I do, it's just even more fun with the girls. 774 00:41:16,480 --> 00:41:19,399 Speaker 1: It's just we we we you know, we've seen beds well, 775 00:41:19,440 --> 00:41:21,160 Speaker 1: we see especially at that time when I saw you 776 00:41:21,200 --> 00:41:23,560 Speaker 1: guys together, we had seen be do this so much. 777 00:41:23,680 --> 00:41:27,120 Speaker 1: And I'm missing being performed, like we haven't seen her 778 00:41:27,120 --> 00:41:30,440 Speaker 1: performing house. But it's coming. It has I pray to 779 00:41:30,480 --> 00:41:33,000 Speaker 1: God it's coming. It's absolutely coming. I'm sure. I'm sure 780 00:41:33,000 --> 00:41:34,920 Speaker 1: it's how it's coming. I'm sure you know it's coming. 781 00:41:35,239 --> 00:41:37,440 Speaker 1: But as her friend and sister and then you get 782 00:41:37,440 --> 00:41:39,440 Speaker 1: on the stage together, I'm sure some of that is. 783 00:41:40,400 --> 00:41:42,799 Speaker 1: That's what the chemistry and the energy and the and 784 00:41:42,840 --> 00:41:49,080 Speaker 1: also having somebody that's that close to you that's that good. Yes, yes, 785 00:41:49,680 --> 00:41:52,680 Speaker 1: I mean that's how we naturally, but also work driven 786 00:41:52,719 --> 00:41:55,640 Speaker 1: and work ethic that has to I mean, you're driven to. 787 00:41:55,760 --> 00:42:01,240 Speaker 1: But I'm just saying that energy different, it's different, it's different. 788 00:42:01,320 --> 00:42:04,280 Speaker 1: It's like another whole beast like and it's so funny 789 00:42:04,320 --> 00:42:08,799 Speaker 1: because her being that focused in that space made me 790 00:42:09,560 --> 00:42:13,000 Speaker 1: come up in another space that I'm just as excited 791 00:42:13,000 --> 00:42:14,680 Speaker 1: about it. So I'm like, oh, I have to pay 792 00:42:14,719 --> 00:42:17,200 Speaker 1: attention to that much detail. I'll watched the way she works. 793 00:42:17,280 --> 00:42:21,000 Speaker 1: It's so and kept incredibly intricate. It's not it's something 794 00:42:21,000 --> 00:42:23,800 Speaker 1: that you're born with. You either have it or you don't. 795 00:42:24,200 --> 00:42:26,480 Speaker 1: And it's a really dope focus. And it's one of 796 00:42:26,520 --> 00:42:30,239 Speaker 1: the many reasons that makes her so fucking dope. Yes, 797 00:42:30,280 --> 00:42:31,960 Speaker 1: but what makes you so dope, and I think what 798 00:42:32,040 --> 00:42:34,240 Speaker 1: makes people fall in lover you is watching that, watching 799 00:42:34,239 --> 00:42:37,560 Speaker 1: you guys as kids, when you're standing next to someone 800 00:42:37,960 --> 00:42:40,279 Speaker 1: that has that type of drive and that type of 801 00:42:40,280 --> 00:42:46,320 Speaker 1: work ethic, and it's that bright. Not many people could 802 00:42:46,320 --> 00:42:51,120 Speaker 1: be as comfortable and secure and have their own light 803 00:42:51,920 --> 00:42:55,120 Speaker 1: as gracefully as you have done. Thank you, Thank you. 804 00:42:55,120 --> 00:42:57,359 Speaker 1: You have to know that right people have No I've 805 00:42:57,400 --> 00:43:00,600 Speaker 1: never heard it like that, and that is the biggest compliment, 806 00:43:00,719 --> 00:43:07,160 Speaker 1: and I really appreciate it. And I'm I'm finally comfortable 807 00:43:07,200 --> 00:43:11,520 Speaker 1: and confident in that light. And I think, like before 808 00:43:11,920 --> 00:43:15,040 Speaker 1: as a kid, Um, that's why I'm thanking you for 809 00:43:15,080 --> 00:43:16,960 Speaker 1: that compliment because before as a kid, I think that 810 00:43:17,080 --> 00:43:19,759 Speaker 1: sometimes you feel like maybe I should, you know what 811 00:43:19,840 --> 00:43:22,560 Speaker 1: I mean, sink a little, but you don't ever sink 812 00:43:22,680 --> 00:43:26,640 Speaker 1: for anybody. You stand straight, you put your head and 813 00:43:26,680 --> 00:43:29,279 Speaker 1: face forward, and you know exactly what you bring to 814 00:43:29,320 --> 00:43:32,360 Speaker 1: the table, because when you do, everybody else gets to 815 00:43:32,920 --> 00:43:35,960 Speaker 1: It's the light is bigger, the shine is bigger. You 816 00:43:35,960 --> 00:43:39,319 Speaker 1: You guys look better together. It's um and it's one 817 00:43:39,320 --> 00:43:41,880 Speaker 1: of the things I remember we were taught as kids, 818 00:43:42,000 --> 00:43:45,560 Speaker 1: like you know, we have to be We're stronger together. 819 00:43:46,200 --> 00:43:49,080 Speaker 1: So it's awesome. It's probably why I loved that moment 820 00:43:49,120 --> 00:43:52,400 Speaker 1: how much. Yeah, watch you and your life. Yeah, beautiful. 821 00:43:53,840 --> 00:43:56,920 Speaker 1: Keep that light going, baby, and you keep that Can 822 00:43:56,960 --> 00:43:59,920 Speaker 1: we do this again? Like a year when I fully resolved. 823 00:43:59,000 --> 00:44:02,440 Speaker 1: It's away and I'll probably have a new set of something. 824 00:44:04,760 --> 00:44:09,600 Speaker 1: God blesh you, God bless you. Kelly Province