Speaker 1: You're listening to I Choose Me with Jenny Girl.
Speaker 2: Welcome back to I Choose Me, the podcast where remarkable
Speaker 2: people share how they choose themselves through life's highs and lows.
Speaker 2: I had the privilege of bringing some of these badasses
Speaker 2: on stage for my second annual I Choose Me Live event,
Speaker 2: and now I'm sharing them with you. My friend Callina
Speaker 2: Strino sat down backstage with a wonderful spiritual leader Debbie Brown,
Speaker 2: the incredible Sarah Shahi, and the sparkling Genie May, who
Speaker 2: is also Chief Brand Officer for Owlsbrew, which is a
Speaker 2: female founded beverage brand that hosted our wonderful day. Thank
Speaker 2: you Owls Brew for the Chelsea Handler's Vodka, Lemonade and
Speaker 2: Spiked Pop.
Speaker 3: Here we go, I'm clean Astrina's backstage of the second
Speaker 3: annual I Choose Me Live Women's Empowerment. I'm and we
Speaker 3: have Debbie Brown. We're so excited to talk to you
Speaker 3: because you are the MC today.
Speaker 4: This is huge.
Speaker 3: How has it been so far?
Speaker 4: Oh, it's been so fun. There is nothing I love
Speaker 4: more than people getting together to really open their hearts
Speaker 4: and learn about community.
Speaker 3: So when you're up there and you're seeing all those
Speaker 3: eyes looking back at you, and knowing that they're listening
Speaker 3: so intently to your every word, knowing that they're a
Speaker 3: fan of your podcast and a fan of just you
Speaker 3: and all the words that you say to empower people.
Speaker 3: How does that make you feel?
Speaker 4: I think it makes me feel very used by God.
Speaker 4: I think that's like the point of some of the
Speaker 4: work that we get to do. You know, it's like
Speaker 4: using our gifts, of course, using our skills and our talents,
Speaker 4: but really to be in service to the bigger story
Speaker 4: happening on earth, you know, being in service to other people.
Speaker 4: So I think that's always the best thing. If you
Speaker 4: can say something that lands somewhere inside of someone that
Speaker 4: produces any kind of freedom, it's just you're really grateful.
Speaker 3: I'm really grateful your book Living in Wisdom. It helps
Speaker 3: people get unstuck with daily health rituals. When someone is
Speaker 3: feeling overwhelmed, or experiencing sadness, or just you know, stuck
Speaker 3: in that moment where they don't feel like they can
Speaker 3: really navigate their way out of it and don't even
Speaker 3: know where to start. What are some things they can
Speaker 3: do to try to begin that.
Speaker 4: Process, you know, I think for all of us. We
Speaker 4: want to rush through things quickly, and I know it's
Speaker 4: so important that we do that because you know, life
Speaker 4: moves fast. But I think everyone first we have to
Speaker 4: get into a place where we can give ourselves compassion
Speaker 4: and curiosity. So for any of us listening that are
Speaker 4: you know, just overwhelmed or going through hard things like
Speaker 4: we all go through sometimes really really hard things, taking
Speaker 4: a second to honor your grief before you even try
Speaker 4: to make your plan, to honor the feeling of like
Speaker 4: what's hurting? How did this happen? What is the better
Speaker 4: feeling or experience that I want? And then kind of
Speaker 4: moving towards how can I start to make that true
Speaker 4: in my life? But I think so many things have
Speaker 4: to start with our own compassion for ourselves and our
Speaker 4: ability to give ourselves some of our basic needs so
Speaker 4: we can make good choices, like getting as much sleep
Speaker 4: as we possibly can, getting higher quality sleep, being able
Speaker 4: to take a few deep breaths so your nervous system
Speaker 4: can regulate enough so that you can have good ideas.
Speaker 3: What are some things that you think people can do,
Speaker 3: maybe if it's even only a minute a day or
Speaker 3: five minutes a day, Because I feel like people will
Speaker 3: constantly say there's never enough time in the day. I
Speaker 3: don't have time. I have to do all these things,
Speaker 3: and your brain gets overwhelmed with the list of things
Speaker 3: you have to accomplish. So for those people who say
Speaker 3: they only have thirty seconds to a minute a day
Speaker 3: to themselves, what's that one thing that they can do
Speaker 3: within that time that could help reset?
Speaker 4: So I love this question so much, and I would say, one,
Speaker 4: why are we relegating ourselves to thirty seconds to one
Speaker 4: minute a day when everybody listening gives at least forty
Speaker 4: five minutes a day to Instagram scrolling or to you know,
Speaker 4: couch rotting or binging whatever show. So one, I just
Speaker 4: want everyone to start to think, do you only deserve
Speaker 4: thirty seconds to a minute? I know, like we want
Speaker 4: to push ourselves to get something done that fast, but
Speaker 4: taking time with yourself is such a gift. But okay,
Speaker 4: if we have limited time, Okay, if you have very
Speaker 4: limited time. Something I think can be really surprisingly helpful
Speaker 4: for people is to stand in a comfortable way, place
Speaker 4: one hand on your heart, place the other hand on.
Speaker 1: Top of it, close your eyes.
Speaker 4: Take three deep, full breaths, so really fill up your
Speaker 4: belly side out with your mouth. I want you to
Speaker 4: hear it.
Speaker 5: Wait, I want to do it here, Hold on a second, ah,
Speaker 5: take a second, let that little bed of like silence
Speaker 5: and relief fill your body and then just sway aside
Speaker 5: to side and start.
Speaker 4: To hum, activate a hum in your body. So yeah,
Speaker 4: whatever sound feels natural for you, and clearly you don't
Speaker 4: have to be a singer. Humming can help to reset
Speaker 4: your nervous system, It can help to open your heart space,
Speaker 4: it can help to release grief, relief, stress. So something
Speaker 4: that simple, stand in a comfortable way or sit, hold
Speaker 4: your heart, close your eyes, three deep breaths and hum
Speaker 4: two minutes tops. But it really does give you a
Speaker 4: feeling of being deeply centered, a little bit more competent
Speaker 4: for your life, and just more you. Because when we're frazzled,
Speaker 4: you lose your personality. That's the first thing that goes.
Speaker 4: You're not who you say you are. We want to
Speaker 4: be ourselves, we want to be the best of ourselves
Speaker 4: in our lives, in our world. So something that brief
Speaker 4: can definitely help you one just kind of reset for
Speaker 4: the moment, but then work on some of the bigger
Speaker 4: needs like getting better sleep, definitely maybe stretching that closing
Speaker 4: eyes and touching your heart to like ten minutes than twenty,
Speaker 4: but I think that would be a good start.
Speaker 3: I think that's a great start. And it's something as
Speaker 3: simple as that. For those thirty seconds to a minute,
Speaker 3: right when you get in the car, maybe right before
Speaker 3: you make that phone call, maybe right before you have
Speaker 3: to pick up your kids. You just take that brief
Speaker 3: second for yourself and it could really reshape the next
Speaker 3: couple hours of your day.
Speaker 4: That is so real and exactly the way that you
Speaker 4: identified it for everyone is how we should look at it.
Speaker 4: It's not about making it perfect and saying, Okay, I
Speaker 4: have my perfect zen room in my house. It's so instagrammable. Okay,
Speaker 4: the perfect cushion, I'm gonna sit down, I have my
Speaker 4: little sweatsuit. Yeah yeah, yeah, blah blah blah. That is
Speaker 4: where your real life happens. That moment before you're about
Speaker 4: to have a challenging or important conversation on the phone,
Speaker 4: take that breath, do that hum, that moment that you're
Speaker 4: in the elevator by yourself, or sitting in traffic. We
Speaker 4: have all of these little pockets that we could really
Speaker 4: bless our lives if we use them differently, and it
Speaker 4: does just like you said that two minutes can change
Speaker 4: the trajectory of the next like two to twelve hours
Speaker 4: in ways that can really benefit our lives.
Speaker 3: I feel like a lot of people have shifted from,
Speaker 3: you know, especially parents, feeling guilty taking time to themselves
Speaker 3: to now wanting to do that. And Jenny does a
Speaker 3: great job of just encouraging people to say, hey, it's
Speaker 3: not selfish to take that second or two or ten minutes,
Speaker 3: twenty minutes an hour for yourself. You should really actually
Speaker 3: do that and it'll be so beneficial in the future.
Speaker 3: What are some things that you've done recently to make
Speaker 3: sure you chose yourself.
Speaker 4: Oh my gosh, it's so funny because that's the part
Speaker 4: that I always definitely have to work hard on as
Speaker 4: someone that helps heal with other people, I'm like, you
Speaker 4: need some of this too. So I'm a mama of
Speaker 4: a eight year old in two weeks, and.
Speaker 3: I would endulation, Oh my gosh.
Speaker 4: It's the absolute best. But you know, you're right to
Speaker 4: your point. It's like life in general is a lot,
Speaker 4: so I think ways that I really look to do that.
Speaker 4: I love taking a two bag up some salt bath,
Speaker 4: like two to three times a week, I will find
Speaker 4: the time and then I usually do it in the
Speaker 4: dark with just a candle.
Speaker 1: I breathe.
Speaker 4: I play like a really cool playlist like Selection or
Speaker 4: some interesting new jazz, and I just really make that
Speaker 4: like my time in that warm salty water, floating a
Speaker 4: little bit. By the time I get out, I'm just
Speaker 4: ready for anything.
Speaker 3: We have Sarah Shawe here with us today. Thank you
Speaker 3: so much for being here at this amazing I choose
Speaker 3: me event.
Speaker 6: Yeah, thank you for having me.
Speaker 3: This is such a privilege, right, So, how are you
Speaker 3: feeling being here? There's a ton of people inside? Are
Speaker 3: there so many people and they're so excited. When you
Speaker 3: go out there, you will literally have people who you
Speaker 3: don't know come up to you and say why they're here,
Speaker 3: why it was so important for them to be here today,
Speaker 3: and how they chose themselves. That's beautiful, and I feel
Speaker 3: like I want to ask you how you choose yourself
Speaker 3: every day.
Speaker 7: Yeah, it took me a long time, honestly to get
Speaker 7: to that place. But I think there's this great quote
Speaker 7: by the spiritual leader named Reverend Michael Beckwith and he
Speaker 7: has this quote that says, pain persists until the vision pulls,
Speaker 7: and I will never forget the moment in my life.
Speaker 7: This was a few years ago, and I've spoken about
Speaker 7: it openly and written about it in the book.
Speaker 6: But it's like.
Speaker 7: I saw a version of myself in the future that
Speaker 7: was aligned with my dreams, my goals, what I wanted,
Speaker 7: and that was the moment that I chose myself. And
Speaker 7: what it came down to was loving myself more. So.
Speaker 6: I think when you.
Speaker 7: Get to that place of true resonance within and you
Speaker 7: finally love yourself more, you love yourself more than your
Speaker 7: people pleasing habits, You love yourself more than the natural
Speaker 7: inclination to twist yourself into a pretzel to make everybody
Speaker 7: else happy.
Speaker 6: That's when you choose yourself.
Speaker 3: Let's talk about your books since you mentioned it, shall
Speaker 3: we Life is lifey?
Speaker 6: Right?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 6: Life is Life?
Speaker 3: Tell us about the book and also very aesthetically pleasing too,
Speaker 3: by the way, But tell us about the book and
Speaker 3: why you wanted to write it.
Speaker 7: You know, it's interesting because when I first when I
Speaker 7: got sex life, So sex life.
Speaker 6: Came to me at a very interesting point in my life.
Speaker 6: You know.
Speaker 7: It's like many women, I felt overworked, overburdened. I was
Speaker 7: carrying the majority at home at work, and self care
Speaker 7: to me look like adding metamucil to every meal and
Speaker 7: picking parsley out of my teeth, you know what I mean?
Speaker 6: That was my ten minutes a day of self care.
Speaker 7: And the character of Billy, she became such a buzz
Speaker 7: in my veins because she had the courage to outwardly
Speaker 7: question all of the things that I was silently questioning.
Speaker 7: And with the show's success, so many women reached out
Speaker 7: to me, and I kind of became like the poster
Speaker 7: child for unhappy women. And you know, around the same
Speaker 7: times when I got my divorce and I was in
Speaker 7: a very new relationship that resonated with people, and my
Speaker 7: press became advice columns, and that's when I got the
Speaker 7: idea that I was like, well, why don't I just.
Speaker 6: Take all of this hard earned wisdom.
Speaker 7: I refused to believe that my pain was ever in
Speaker 7: vain and let me put it down somewhere. So I
Speaker 7: wrote the book to heal myself.
Speaker 6: It was my version of.
Speaker 7: Therapy, and in that I feel like it's really found
Speaker 7: its voice with.
Speaker 6: A lot of a lot of people.
Speaker 3: So when you were in this moment of time where
Speaker 3: people were reaching out to about your character, and then
Speaker 3: you're going through your own you know, stuff behind the
Speaker 3: scenes at home and navigating through all of that. Where
Speaker 3: did you come to a moment, like a turning point
Speaker 3: where you said, Okay, I can take what I've learned
Speaker 3: from my character and all these people reaching out to me.
Speaker 3: How did you navigate the way you wanted to help
Speaker 3: them but also help yourself?
Speaker 7: Hmmm, the way I wanted to help them but then
Speaker 7: also help myself. Well, I feel like advice is not prescriptive,
Speaker 7: you know, it's not. Advice is not a one size fit.
Speaker 7: It's all type of model. And I'm somebody who never
Speaker 7: tells people what to do because I feel like everyone
Speaker 7: has their own individual journey.
Speaker 6: So I can just speak.
Speaker 7: On what has worked for me and pass that along
Speaker 7: with the sort of openness to allow someone else's experience
Speaker 7: to color it however way they need.
Speaker 6: I don't know if that makes sense.
Speaker 7: But it's like, I, yeah, like I never I never
Speaker 7: say well, this is what worked for me, so this
Speaker 7: is what you should do, you know. It's like, instead,
Speaker 7: I'm like, well, this is how I got through that.
Speaker 7: What feels good to you.
Speaker 3: And sometimes it's just that connection of knowing someone went
Speaker 3: through the same thing that aids and helps.
Speaker 7: Yeah, I feel like it's important, you know, especially for women,
Speaker 7: like we have, I think an obligation to share stories
Speaker 7: with one another, you know. And I think something really
Speaker 7: magical happens when you get a group of women together.
Speaker 7: It's like this magical ancestral knowledge that can be passed
Speaker 7: down to each other, you know, almost kind of.
Speaker 6: Tribal, right, and I feel like we.
Speaker 7: Have a sense of responsibility to one another to do that.
Speaker 7: I mean, you know, after all, we're all here just
Speaker 7: to walk each other home, right, So it's like, at
Speaker 7: the end of the day, I really do feel like
Speaker 7: it's a purpose of mine to be able to speak
Speaker 7: on my life and what worked, and you know, just
Speaker 7: to be able to help another human out.
Speaker 3: Well you just helped me out. Oh thank you. We
Speaker 3: have Genie May here?
Speaker 1: What everybody?
Speaker 3: Are you so excited to be here? Why was it
Speaker 3: important for you to be here today?
Speaker 8: Because the words choose me like that's just just something
Speaker 8: that I don't think women do enough of. I just
Speaker 8: learned how to do it, like in my forties. And
Speaker 8: also Jenny Garth, a Baddie like beyond. She's so bombed,
Speaker 8: you know. So, yeah, all the magic together, I have
Speaker 8: to be here.
Speaker 4: You know.
Speaker 3: And she really does a good job of letting people, no,
Speaker 3: it's not selfish to choose yourself. Make sure you do
Speaker 3: do that. So what was the last thing you did
Speaker 3: that you chose yourself?
Speaker 1: What was that?
Speaker 8: I would say, God, having my daughter, even though all
Speaker 8: of my worries and fears said no, really channeling down
Speaker 8: and realizing no, I'm not gonna let my worries dictate
Speaker 8: a beautiful future for myself. So deciding that I do
Speaker 8: want this for myself is a huge yes, you know.
Speaker 8: And so having my daughter with Monoco is the moment
Speaker 8: I chose me.
Speaker 3: So for other people who might be in this space
Speaker 3: where they're like, how do I even choose myself? I
Speaker 3: have a laundry list of things I have to do,
Speaker 3: and you know, I have kids, I have work, I
Speaker 3: have this. What do you say to them about how
Speaker 3: important it is to just do it?
Speaker 8: There's this really beautiful like perspective I learned in therapy
Speaker 8: a long time ago about the two percent. You make
Speaker 8: this two percent pivot and you can see a world
Speaker 8: change from just that two percent. And I notice that
Speaker 8: every time we build a schedule, it's around our kids,
Speaker 8: it's around our family, it's around you know, work. But
Speaker 8: if you just made that two percent pivot of like, Okay,
Speaker 8: what am I going to do on that way to work?
Speaker 8: What am I going to do for me on that
Speaker 8: way to go pick up my kids? And all of
Speaker 8: a sudden, you notice that it's not so hard to
Speaker 8: prioritize yourself and that little minute move, whether it's turning
Speaker 8: on a podcast for yourself or stopping by the nail
Speaker 8: salan to get your nails, then it just pays you
Speaker 8: back in so much reward, you know. So I think,
Speaker 8: make that two percent pivot of sure, take a look
Speaker 8: at your schedule and in that schedule, do a little
Speaker 8: something for you alongside that schedule, and just see how
Speaker 8: much how much more rewarding that feels.
Speaker 6: That's great advice.
Speaker 3: I've never heard that two percent yeah of phrasing. There
Speaker 3: in a world where women are just expected to appear
Speaker 3: strong all the time, all the time, every single day
Speaker 3: to everybody, how have you learned how vulnerability can actually
Speaker 3: be the strength.
Speaker 8: Vulnerability is the greatest superhero, a trait that we all
Speaker 8: have I think that it's the magic sauce that we
Speaker 8: have as humans when we see that ability to recognize
Speaker 8: our worth and to really just be be honest and
Speaker 8: humble about what sucks, what's painful, what made you break down,
Speaker 8: what made you cry. At forty seven years old, I
Speaker 8: have lost the ability to be embarrassed about things anymore.
Speaker 8: Like you almost like earn a right of passage to
Speaker 8: just continue to fuck up, you know, continue to let
Speaker 8: yourself just mess up. And so what I'm braver because
Speaker 8: I have to do it in front of my family,
Speaker 8: in front of my daughter, in front of the public,
Speaker 8: and I have to constantly remind myself that instead of
Speaker 8: shaming myself and hiding more because of it. And I
Speaker 8: think that for anybody else, you know, we always feel
Speaker 8: like we're in fear of the audience that's in front
Speaker 8: of us, when really you're doing something so mighty that
Speaker 8: somebody else couldn't even fathom trying. And so I just now,
Speaker 8: in my midlife, I'm starting to recognize how thankful I
Speaker 8: am for those failures because I learned so much and
Speaker 8: it gave me such strength and power to learn how
Speaker 8: to continue through what I'm trying to do.
Speaker 3: Today when you say that you talk about your failures
Speaker 3: and then your successes, and you mentioned you have a daughter,
Speaker 3: how does that play into the way you raise her
Speaker 3: to make sure you're still emphasizing this empowerment, but knowing that, Okay,
Speaker 3: she's growing up, she's gonna make mistakes.
Speaker 1: We almost over celebrate the failures.
Speaker 8: We over celebrate the whoops. It's a weird dynamic in
Speaker 8: our house to actually see something so different than what
Speaker 8: I grew up in. Like if I spilled a glass
Speaker 8: of milk and my mom would be like, oh my god, Genie,
Speaker 8: I've got to clean all this up and so and
Speaker 8: for us, we're like, okay, great, now you learned that
Speaker 8: if you're placing that too close to the edge and
Speaker 8: your elbow hits.
Speaker 1: It, now you know it falls. Okay, awesome, now you know.
Speaker 8: And it just for some reason, it lightens everybody's mood
Speaker 8: up and it ricochets through my family when we see
Speaker 8: each other react like that, because it makes you all
Speaker 8: just hold a mirror to yourself realizing wasn't really that
Speaker 8: big of a deal, because the knee jerk reaction is crap.
Speaker 8: Now there's something all over it. Now obviously we're not
Speaker 8: gonna go crazy. I don't want like wine on my carpets,
Speaker 8: you know what I mean. But now I've learned that
Speaker 8: she's like, Mom, it's it's not a big deal. I'm okay,
Speaker 8: it's great. It's it's not so serious. And I love
Speaker 8: that she said reminds me of that because I can
Speaker 8: be kind of too much of a capricorn and too
Speaker 8: much of a perfectionist.
Speaker 1: To see her react like that is so rewarding for me.
Speaker 3: Let's talk about you giving back to the community after
Speaker 3: the fires, because La went through so much, but that
Speaker 3: was really important for you to do and do it
Speaker 3: with your family too. Can you talk about why that
Speaker 3: was so important for you?
Speaker 8: Because La is my spot man, I mean Alta Dina
Speaker 8: is I feel like the backbone to the culture.
Speaker 1: And the my God, the love in La.
Speaker 8: It's it's a neighboring city, it's not too far away,
Speaker 8: and it's just framed by beautiful mountains, the mountain lions
Speaker 8: that La has to offer that you don't always get
Speaker 8: to see because of the buildings around Hollywood. And it's
Speaker 8: full of just the most loving, hardworking people, primarily black, brown,
Speaker 8: and some Asian. And so when I see Alta Dina.
Speaker 8: It reminds me of San Jose, where I was from.
Speaker 8: So when I learned that Alta Dina didn't have food
Speaker 8: or running water for almost a month and a half
Speaker 8: after the fires, I mean, what else are.
Speaker 1: You supposed to do?
Speaker 8: These are our aunties or uncles, our grandma and grandpa's
Speaker 8: like I was.
Speaker 1: I was in there.
Speaker 8: But thankfully, we have such an incredible community in Los
Speaker 8: Angeles that I had incredible donations from friends and family
Speaker 8: and great restaurants, neighboring restaurants that just donated incredible food
Speaker 8: to these to these these victims, and now they're thriving
Speaker 8: and surviving, and you know, it was all because of
Speaker 8: the community spirit that we have together.
Speaker 2: We were so lucky to have Debbie Brown as our master
Speaker 2: of ceremonies, and I loved speaking with Sarah Shahi and
Speaker 2: Genie My. I mean, the wisdom and the heart of
Speaker 2: that conversation and the energy. So stay tuned for more,
Speaker 2: you guys, and please do not forget to choose yourselves.