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Speaker 1: This is How Men Think with brooks Like and Gavin

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Speaker 1: to Grab and I heard radio podcast. Welcome to another

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Speaker 1: episode of How Men Think. My name is brooks Like

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Speaker 1: and we are in studio at I Hearts and we

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Speaker 1: are Yeah. I love how you guys always clap for yourself.

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Speaker 1: I love clapping. I know it makes the room light.

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Speaker 1: People feel good when we call you start some really

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Speaker 1: good clapping thing, Like as soon as you clap, we

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Speaker 1: all respond, like, I know, I know. It's fun at fun.

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Speaker 1: We're running a couple of people short right now. They're

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Speaker 1: on their way, they're on they're all on their way.

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Speaker 1: Gavin's going to get in and complain that he's stuck

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Speaker 1: on a public airplane what he calls like a greyhound

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Speaker 1: bus or something. Rick just landed in Burbank, so he's

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Speaker 1: driving here literally and it's like eight minutes away, so

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Speaker 1: he'll be here in a second. And then Gavin's coming

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Speaker 1: from I don't want to reveal where he stays, but

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Speaker 1: from where they're on their way. We're the only ones

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Speaker 1: really committed to this podcasting. Yeah, but we're the only ones.

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Speaker 1: Dmitries here, what's up, buddy, what's up? How's it going?

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Speaker 1: It's going great, Buddy. I always love seeing you. You're

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Speaker 1: You're like the one work horse I can cow on

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Speaker 1: this show. I actually really love this podcast, so I

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Speaker 1: get here even on days we don't have it. I

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Speaker 1: just come here and sit here. I love it too, man,

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Speaker 1: I'm in here. Ask Amy when we have Amy, our

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Speaker 1: producer Amy here with us. Amy. You're texting right now.

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Speaker 1: We're doing a show. We're live on the show. People

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Speaker 1: are calling. I hope they're sponsors. You know what I do.

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Speaker 1: Sometimes I listen back to the podcast and I talk

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Speaker 1: as if I it's live again, and I give different perspectives,

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Speaker 1: and I talked to you and I have great conversations

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Speaker 1: on the replace right on, Buddy, I knew we were

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Speaker 1: good friends. There's something energetic there. I will say this

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Speaker 1: about you though you you usually always beat me in here.

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Speaker 1: I come early. Well today, I actually that's wrong. Today

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Speaker 1: I was fifteen minutes later. Most days i'm here very early,

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Speaker 1: and you usually beat me here and we talk I

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Speaker 1: think a lot, like through text. How much we really

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Speaker 1: enjoy doing the podcast, and I disliked. So that's one

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Speaker 1: thing is I love it here, so I do. I

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Speaker 1: do love to get here, but I also don't like

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Speaker 1: being late to things. I don't either, always earlier to things. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I don't either. I am always fifteen minutes late, always

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Speaker 1: really yeah, I mean ways, it's I don't know the

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Speaker 1: same with me. I punctuality. I value punctuality in myself.

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Speaker 1: Today except today was today. I was late for a

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Speaker 1: couple of things. Today. It's been it's been a tough day.

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Speaker 1: It's been a great day. It's been, but things, things

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Speaker 1: have been creating and happening, and so I wanted to

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Speaker 1: stay with them in the element when they were um.

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Speaker 1: And then the schedule kept up, and I was like, OK, really,

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Speaker 1: it sounds like you're going real deep to disguise the

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Speaker 1: fact that you were just like You're like, I just

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Speaker 1: wanted to just really soak in the moment that I

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Speaker 1: was in. You were just late, yea, I was just

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Speaker 1: heading by the pool man. I didn't I wasn't doing

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Speaker 1: anything today. I ever had a bad mood Brooks like

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Speaker 1: where you just pissed. Yeah really yeah, And it's fun.

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Speaker 1: It's fun to be in a piste off mood because

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Speaker 1: like that was a lot of that was hockey playing.

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Speaker 1: It's fun. I used to love having enemies that's a

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Speaker 1: fun because you get to it's so much enemies, but

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Speaker 1: you get to really it's another way of releasing emotion.

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Speaker 1: Like it's a big pendulum swing of emotion. Like rage

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Speaker 1: is fun, anger is fun to feel, it's driving, it's motivating.

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Speaker 1: It's not where I want to live and spend my life.

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Speaker 1: But to swing the pendulum that way is sometimes very

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Speaker 1: I actually would love to have a therapist come in

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Speaker 1: again because I think that when I should be mad,

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Speaker 1: I feel sad, and I think it feels your stake

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Speaker 1: being mad. I don't have I rarely get mad. I

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Speaker 1: get sad. Let's just let's hang like a punching bag

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Speaker 1: in your apartment or condo, and let's just turn that

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Speaker 1: sadness into anytime you feel sad, you just go an

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Speaker 1: unleash on this punching bag. Thinks we need to explore

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Speaker 1: because maybe men are more comfortable with anger and women

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Speaker 1: get sad. That would be a great down a therapist

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Speaker 1: in here. There's gonna be a whole lot of yelling

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Speaker 1: and crying. It's gonna be great. I don't like it. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: that would be a great topic for a show because

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Speaker 1: I really don't get sad. I get frustrated or angry.

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Speaker 1: I never do. I'm always crying. I cried almost every day, Wow,

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Speaker 1: almost every day for a minute here, a minute there,

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Speaker 1: or like watching TV or like today about tickets to

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Speaker 1: see Oprah. I cried, but it was a happy cry,

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Speaker 1: like or did you cry because they were? They were?

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Speaker 1: But last night I was a counterfeit. The last night

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Speaker 1: I watched that show on Hulu, four Weddings in a Funeral.

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Speaker 1: Just wow, Okay, cry every day, Okay, I'm I'm with you, Brooks.

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Speaker 1: And I like to get mad. Um. I don't like

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Speaker 1: to like get mad and rage at people like something

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Speaker 1: that's real. So I usually like to yell at people

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Speaker 1: in other cars, but something that I have no idea,

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Speaker 1: Like you can't see someone in a car, so i'd

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Speaker 1: be like you, skinny bastard, But I have no idea

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Speaker 1: what they look like. Oh I have zero road rage you.

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Speaker 1: Uh No, I don't have a lot of road rage.

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Speaker 1: I don't think, um. But I tap into like rage

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Speaker 1: when I need to, like like when lifting, when working

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Speaker 1: out a lot of times, like I'll tap into the

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Speaker 1: emotion that came up when I was competing against another

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Speaker 1: guy because hockey there was face to face. There was

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Speaker 1: there was blunt, forced physical conflict in hockey, and so

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Speaker 1: that taught me to level up my intensity and emotion

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Speaker 1: and also rage. Sometimes sometimes a guy would get the

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Speaker 1: best of you and provoke a bear in you that

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Speaker 1: maybe you didn't even know you had. And so I

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Speaker 1: learned to harness that over years of professional sport. And

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Speaker 1: now if I want, I have it on access where

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Speaker 1: I can access it. If I want to tap into

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Speaker 1: something that's more powerful than maybe my current state, Like

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Speaker 1: I look forward to the day Ryan pushes you too far,

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Speaker 1: I'll come right over this. Ryan's gonna say something one

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Speaker 1: day and I'll come right over this studio. Count I

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Speaker 1: think we explore this in a couple of weeks. Sure, um,

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Speaker 1: it'd be a great episode. Speaking of episodes, though, last

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Speaker 1: week we did Life After Loss and Mitch's story was

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Speaker 1: exceptional and we've got so much an amazing feedback from

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Speaker 1: you guys reading the emails and the direct messages on Instagram.

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Speaker 1: The feedback from our community has been exceptional about Life

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Speaker 1: After Loss. How many people have related to it, uh,

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Speaker 1: and how many people are inspired by Mitch's story. And

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Speaker 1: this week we're gonna go into something close but not

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Speaker 1: quite as severe maybe, but um, life their divorce and

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Speaker 1: we're gonna speak with a couple of people that have

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Speaker 1: a great divorce. Um, and I just want to ask

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Speaker 1: you guys, like, are you are your parents still married? No?

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Speaker 1: My my parents separated when I was four, and it

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Speaker 1: was pretty nasty. Um. Do you have a recollection of it? Yeah? Yeah,

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Speaker 1: it was bad for a long time. And it wasn't

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Speaker 1: until I think maybe I was in college, that they

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Speaker 1: actually something happened in the family and they started getting

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Speaker 1: like they started speaking again. Like, it was pretty bad

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Speaker 1: for years. It's almost like fourteen almost fifteen years you're

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Speaker 1: in college, so it's happened when you're four fifteen eighteen

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Speaker 1: years later they started speaking again. Yeah, And it was

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Speaker 1: like like if if they called, because he didn't have

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Speaker 1: cell phones back then, if if somebody called the house

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Speaker 1: to talk to the kids, the other one to be

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Speaker 1: like like it was like hold on, Like they wouldn't

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Speaker 1: even talk. Yeah, I mean it was pretty nasty for years.

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Speaker 1: Did you ever like have triggers or issues in your

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Speaker 1: own marriage from their divorce? No? Actually, I think I

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Speaker 1: learned a lot from going through all of that that

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Speaker 1: I was more aware of kind of stuff that they

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Speaker 1: did wrong and how they handled it, and think, so

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Speaker 1: I think it was I think it probably you know,

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Speaker 1: it was tough to go through, but I think it

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Speaker 1: educated me in the long run, and it also just

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Speaker 1: if so we for keeping score. It wasn't my fault.

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Speaker 1: My parents got divorce when I was in college. And

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Speaker 1: I'm not saying it was like unicorns and rainbows, but

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Speaker 1: I do have one of those situations where it's like

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Speaker 1: unicorns and rainbows, Like everybody has Christmas together, everybody has

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Speaker 1: Thanksgiving together, everybody's together all the time. Like there's times

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Speaker 1: when my mom has my dad his wife over, my

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Speaker 1: aum uncle on my dad's side, like at our house. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: everybody's pretty so it's a pretty amicable beyond. Like there

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Speaker 1: was a party my mom and dad had to go

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Speaker 1: to but my dad's wife couldn't go, and my mom

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Speaker 1: was like, oh, I gotta go be with daddy. He

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Speaker 1: doesn't have anybody to hang out with. Like everybody's just

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Speaker 1: really yeah. I had like the opposite, so my real quick.

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Speaker 1: My mom, you know, married my dad, and then her

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Speaker 1: brother fell in love with my dad's sister and they

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Speaker 1: got married. So it was like brother and sister married

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Speaker 1: brother and not really you know what I mean. Um.

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Speaker 1: So then when my parents split, my aunt and uncle didn't,

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Speaker 1: so it made it very awkward at family events. And

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Speaker 1: I actually had a birthday party where I insisted when

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Speaker 1: I was little, I was like, I really want mom

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Speaker 1: and dad here. Man, was that a mistake? That place

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Speaker 1: blew up? I ended up sitting on the curb with

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Speaker 1: my cousins. What what what birthday? Thirty? No, I'm kidding.

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Speaker 1: It was probably like yeah, probably like eight or something.

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Speaker 1: Are your parents both alive now? No? My father passed.

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Speaker 1: I'm sorry, I'm sorry. No thanks. Um did they ever

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Speaker 1: get along again? Yeah? Yeah, yeah so they Um, it

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Speaker 1: was around the time their first grandchild was born. Um,

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Speaker 1: that's when it kind of started. Was that your first child?

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Speaker 1: My brothers? Um? And uh, they started kind of. I

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Speaker 1: remember being at the hospital with both of them in

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Speaker 1: the waiting room waiting for my niece when she was born,

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Speaker 1: and I sarcastic, like I am I turning, I go,

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Speaker 1: is this the first time you guys were in the

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Speaker 1: hospital together since I was born? Or like the waiting

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Speaker 1: room and they were just and it kind of kind

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Speaker 1: of broke the rotten Yeah, and um, and so it

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Speaker 1: started then and then and then over the years from

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Speaker 1: there they started getting along better, like they could then

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Speaker 1: go together again. Yeah. This that's It's such a fascinating

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Speaker 1: world to me because my parents just celebrated their forty

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Speaker 1: five and winning anniversary a couple of weeks ago, which

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Speaker 1: is amazing. And so I don't have experience with divorce. Um,

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Speaker 1: my wife's parents are divorced. They're both happily remarried. But

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Speaker 1: that's my closest experience with it. I have friends that

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Speaker 1: have had parents divorced, but I can't I cannot begin

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Speaker 1: to imagine what it does to a life at the

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Speaker 1: age of four, at the age of twenty, whatever age

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Speaker 1: you are where your parents divorced. I I just I

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Speaker 1: can't imagine what those emotions are. I think it messes

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Speaker 1: you up and then you're fine. I will say this.

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Speaker 1: When I was younger, I used to want that. We

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Speaker 1: used to want them back together, and I used to

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Speaker 1: want that whole family, Christmas and the whole thing. And

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Speaker 1: as I got older and I saw who they were,

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Speaker 1: individual and stuff, I'm actually glad that they got to

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Speaker 1: I'm not glad that it was it went down the

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Speaker 1: way it went down, like kind of them not getting along.

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Speaker 1: But I think I'm better off in my life having

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Speaker 1: experience with them living their lives the way they wanted

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Speaker 1: to and not trying to make it work together. I'm

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Speaker 1: okay with it now. When I when it first happened,

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Speaker 1: I remember someone saying to me, I know, this seems

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Speaker 1: like the worst thing ever, and that you'll never get

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Speaker 1: over it. And he said in six months you won't remember.

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Speaker 1: And it wasn't quite that, but the words were pretty true,

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Speaker 1: like it's so major and then you, yeah, it's okay,

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Speaker 1: Well it's not my fault. Oh sorry. Kevin and I

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Speaker 1: did an interview the other day and Kevin said, it's

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Speaker 1: a hard conversation to have with somebody when you have

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Speaker 1: to say it's not me, it's you. I was just

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Speaker 1: laughing at us, like, oh buddy, we got we got

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Speaker 1: some things we need to talk about. But that's what

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Speaker 1: we're going to get into today. We have two uh

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Speaker 1: special guests that have a very happy and enjoyable now.

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Speaker 1: Now it's a process. I'll say that it's a process.

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Speaker 1: We'll get into their story after. But um, for people

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Speaker 1: that are divorced, there's hope that there is an amicable

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Speaker 1: cordial and even friendly life after divorce. And just so

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Speaker 1: you know, their divorce is not my fault either. Nobody's

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Speaker 1: keeping score here, buddy, Gavin will probably blame me. So

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Speaker 1: in the house with us right now we have Nikki

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Speaker 1: de Bartelow and Benjamin health one. Okay, come on, how

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Speaker 1: are you guys doing today? Thank you for coming in

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Speaker 1: to our studio. I appreciate that. How are you guys doing?

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Speaker 1: Thank you? Thank you for having us doing well. Everything's good.

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Speaker 1: Thank you for having us real studio, like real studio

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Speaker 1: is we're trying to We're trying to tap it at

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Speaker 1: Gavin's house one day, but for the time, we'll have

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Speaker 1: to get it cleaned first, like not not like a

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Speaker 1: garage podcast set up and you know, a couple of

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Speaker 1: mics and the computer. It's a really this is real.

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Speaker 1: This is why we all got paid because Aby blows

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Speaker 1: all our budget on the studio. We're paying the mortgage. Um,

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Speaker 1: So I want to bring in or I want to

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Speaker 1: get your guys this story now. Benjamin you want to

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Speaker 1: go first, Mickey, you want to go first. So so

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Speaker 1: it is. It's it's a journey into finding a different

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Speaker 1: kind of love and Nick and I were married, Uh,

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Speaker 1: seven years. Um, we had a beautiful son together. Um,

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Speaker 1: we end up getting a divorce, and it serves our

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Speaker 1: journey into how we got to where we are today

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Speaker 1: twelve years later. Um, she's remarried, I'm remarried. We have

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Speaker 1: this you know, lack of a better word, modern family. Um,

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Speaker 1: and it's it didn't just start off like that. There

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Speaker 1: was there's a there's a lot of intricacies and a

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Speaker 1: lot of as when people get divorced, a lot of

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Speaker 1: resentment and anger and fear and everything that goes through.

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Speaker 1: But we were able to simply just put our put

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Speaker 1: ours on first was our sort of guiding light. And

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Speaker 1: every decision we made, whether that be romance, finance, all

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Speaker 1: that sort of things that spiral divorces. Um, we just

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Speaker 1: every decision had to answer that question. And that was

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Speaker 1: right from the start. No, no, hod okay. Right from

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Speaker 1: the start, it was dropping him off at each other's

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Speaker 1: house with like a babysitter and not seeing each other

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Speaker 1: and not talking to each other. And realized the only

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Speaker 1: thing we were doing was hurting him and eventually it

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Speaker 1: would have been I mean, it would have ended up

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Speaker 1: ruining his life if we would have kept on the

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Speaker 1: path that we were going on. And he was seven

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Speaker 1: at the time, he was three four, three and a half.

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Speaker 1: And you know, one of the things that I've blessed

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Speaker 1: about that we talked about in the book is is

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Speaker 1: and I say blessed because I had to go through

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Speaker 1: this as as with my own parents divorce, and it

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Speaker 1: was not the greatest divorce. And you know, I was

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Speaker 1: more or less weaponized. Uh, not so drastically, but you know,

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Speaker 1: we were sort of port in the middle of it.

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Speaker 1: And for a while there, I was filled with all

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Speaker 1: that stuff I talked about, and I was gonna, you know,

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Speaker 1: make her it was her fault. She everything ending in

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Speaker 1: the marriage was her fault. Everything, you know, just pointing

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Speaker 1: finger at her. And uh. I had hired this lawyer

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Speaker 1: who sort of sparked or at it, uh fire to

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Speaker 1: the to the fire, and was you know, he was

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Speaker 1: telling me what I wanted to hear. It's her fault,

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Speaker 1: will get her and all this stuff. And I spent

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Speaker 1: a bunch of money and he wrote up this, uh,

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Speaker 1: I guess action plan, you know, business plan if you will,

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Speaker 1: on like how to go after how we're gonna you know,

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Speaker 1: embarrass her and do all this and make it a

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Speaker 1: big public deal. Sound like a lawyer. Oh no, not

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Speaker 1: at all. Right, Yeah, he had no incentive to have

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Speaker 1: a long, ugly divorce. So uh. He had written this

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Speaker 1: thing up and I kept it and I didn't read it,

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Speaker 1: and there was something inside of me, and I don't

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Speaker 1: know what it was, but I kept in my backpack

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Speaker 1: that I always carry around for like six weeks and

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Speaker 1: I never opened it up. And for some I was

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Speaker 1: flying back from l a uh on a trip and

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Speaker 1: I opened it up and I read the first two pages.

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Speaker 1: And it was at that moment that you know, I

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Speaker 1: could see things clearly. It was like I had all

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Speaker 1: that other resembment and all that other stuff was gone,

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Speaker 1: and I saw that if I go down this route,

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna cause the same damage to my son that happened.

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna we're nick and I are going to rack

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Speaker 1: up a huge emotional bill and they can't pay for

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Speaker 1: it for something he had no choice. So at that point, um,

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Speaker 1: you know, I think Nicky was doing her own work

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Speaker 1: on herself and I was doing I I called her

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Speaker 1: and I said, look, we can't talk about this right now.

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Speaker 1: Like I have to do some things in my life

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Speaker 1: to get myself right before we can even, uh, you know,

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Speaker 1: start talking about the divorce. And and so I just

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Speaker 1: worked with some guy I knew, and we went through

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Speaker 1: and it was only about my part. We never we

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Speaker 1: never talked about what she did or what, you know,

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Speaker 1: her fault, and it was it was all about finding

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Speaker 1: my you know, mistakes and the divorce and and what

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Speaker 1: I came to realize that it takes two to make it,

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Speaker 1: and it takes you to break it, and you no

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Speaker 1: matter what she had done, no matter what I, you know, did,

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Speaker 1: all I could focus on myself. So so at what point,

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Speaker 1: how many months or years after the separation is this

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Speaker 1: when you have this realization and you start doing this work.

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Speaker 1: It was about four months maybe, so it's it's relatively new,

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Speaker 1: it's relatively new. Maybe a little bit longer. I think

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Speaker 1: it was about four months, yeah, now maybe yeah, because

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Speaker 1: I know that I I decided to take three months.

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Speaker 1: It was sort of my goal was to take three

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Speaker 1: months and do what I needed to do and and

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Speaker 1: and at the end of the whole work is sort

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Speaker 1: of another burning bush or clarity moment. I like looked

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Speaker 1: at this stuff and I was like, you know what

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Speaker 1: I wouldn't want to be married to me either. You know,

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Speaker 1: I was a terrible, miserable person. And you know that

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Speaker 1: introspection or that you know, that that clarity of like, God,

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Speaker 1: you were just a bad, bad guy, you know, bad husband,

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Speaker 1: bad father, bad everything, and again nothing to what she did.

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Speaker 1: You know, it was and about her at that point,

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Speaker 1: it's about me. Kudos to you, man, because that's some

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Speaker 1: that's some hard self reflection, and that's some work that

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Speaker 1: I think a lot of people are not willing to do.

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Speaker 1: It doesn't it doesn't have to be even just in

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Speaker 1: a relationship or coming out of a relationship, just in

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Speaker 1: their own life. Like to take a reflection of who

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Speaker 1: I am as an individual, how I show up in

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Speaker 1: the world, and how does my presence and my actions

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Speaker 1: impact people around me, and then to look at yourself

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Speaker 1: and say, wow, I'm not proud of who I am.

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Speaker 1: This is not who I want to be. I own

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Speaker 1: these faults. Good for you, man. And then the other

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Speaker 1: part of that was forgiving myself. Right, So the first

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Speaker 1: step was to go through it and to look at

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Speaker 1: it and you know, come to that realization and then

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Speaker 1: forgive myself and then call Nikki. And I was getting

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Speaker 1: messed up when I say this, but all the time,

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Speaker 1: I'm really soft. Yeah, me too, good, Okay, I can

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Speaker 1: cry together. You got a shoulder. We're a little farther.

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Speaker 1: But so I called Nikki for coffee, and the first

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Speaker 1: thing I told her was I was sorry, you know,

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Speaker 1: and I loved her, and you know, I'm sorry for

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Speaker 1: everything I did to cause the end of our marriage.

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Speaker 1: And she then in turn apologized to me and told

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Speaker 1: me it's very hard for me to do right, which

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Speaker 1: we joked. I don't think it was the only time,

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Speaker 1: the only time, the only time we ever apologized to

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Speaker 1: each other. But but at that moment there was space

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Speaker 1: to move like. It wasn't about pointing finger at her.

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Speaker 1: It wasn't about pointing finger. That's what started, I mean,

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Speaker 1: that's what made this. That was a turning point for sure.

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Speaker 1: Was his apology to you, is what. Yes, that's what started.

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Speaker 1: Did it surprise you? He did surprise me because I

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Speaker 1: somehow knew about some of the other stuff he was doing,

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Speaker 1: like working on behind my back. N So I I

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Speaker 1: didn't know that. No, I did not. I did not.

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Speaker 1: I just happened to know enough people that told me

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Speaker 1: things right. But as long as we passed all that anything.

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Speaker 1: So he he apologized to you sort of somewhat surprising.

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Speaker 1: Let's say, and how how does that make you feel?

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Speaker 1: That he he doesn't blame you, He doesn't. He's like,

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Speaker 1: I own this, this is my fault, and I just

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Speaker 1: want to say sorry. How does that make you feel?

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Speaker 1: Because I think that's a noble act. No, that's that

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Speaker 1: is what made me go, Okay, it's time, like it's

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Speaker 1: time for us to sit down and figure this out,

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Speaker 1: like we can't keep going down this path. Yeah, let

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Speaker 1: me ask this. So he apologized, said he did all

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Speaker 1: these things wrong, and then he said that you also apologize.

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Speaker 1: Now was that did you just apologize because hey, he

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Speaker 1: apologize or did you really feel like you had done

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00:19:34,720 --> 00:19:37,640
Speaker 1: something that you could apologize for. No. I definitely did

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Speaker 1: things throughout the marriage that I you know, I was

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Speaker 1: a huge part. I was the other half of what

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Speaker 1: made this fail. So ye, man, yeah, sorry, that's what

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Speaker 1: I like that. I like that I did not spend

401
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Speaker 1: those four months trying to right, four months going like

402
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Speaker 1: what the hell am I gonna do? Like? Here is

403
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Speaker 1: this woman with it? Has this child? I mean, yes,

404
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Speaker 1: I have a family that I'm really close to you,

405
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Speaker 1: But what am I gonna do? Like that's the last

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Speaker 1: I mean, that's how old was I don't know, thirty,

407
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Speaker 1: I don't know, but I mean that's the last thing

408
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Speaker 1: any woman wants to be be in Tampa with a

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Speaker 1: child by yourself. So that was frightening, and so I

410
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Speaker 1: went through four months of being scared understandably. Yeah, it's

411
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Speaker 1: a failure, you know, I mean, nobody gets into it,

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Speaker 1: and there's a lot of sham or at least there

413
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Speaker 1: was a lot of shame for me about the failure

414
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Speaker 1: and guilt about your son, and you know, we were

415
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Speaker 1: easily could have fallen into that category and repeating the

416
00:20:55,520 --> 00:20:58,600
Speaker 1: cycle of what my parents did? You know? And from

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Speaker 1: that moment of apology, the next question I had asked

418
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Speaker 1: or was do you have any problem with joint custody? Joint?

419
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Speaker 1: And she said absolutely not. She goes, you're the father

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Speaker 1: of our son, and I go I looked at her

421
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Speaker 1: and I said, you know, everything else can we worked out?

422
00:21:12,800 --> 00:21:16,320
Speaker 1: Like the other stuff is trivial, Like that's the important

423
00:21:16,320 --> 00:21:18,840
Speaker 1: thing is we can't burden him with our choices. Like

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Speaker 1: we chose to get married, we chose to get pregnant,

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Speaker 1: we chose to get divorced, and here's this innocent being

426
00:21:25,280 --> 00:21:27,360
Speaker 1: who had no choice in it, but we're gonna stick

427
00:21:27,400 --> 00:21:30,080
Speaker 1: them with you know this nonsense. Yeah, So I have

428
00:21:30,119 --> 00:21:32,720
Speaker 1: a quick question, Ben Nicky, and so thanks for coming

429
00:21:32,720 --> 00:21:35,600
Speaker 1: in the uh so, how did you navigate that with

430
00:21:35,640 --> 00:21:37,560
Speaker 1: your son at the time as you were kind of

431
00:21:37,680 --> 00:21:39,800
Speaker 1: getting said sorry to each other and you know, and

432
00:21:39,920 --> 00:21:42,320
Speaker 1: you weren't dropping him off at babysitters and each other's

433
00:21:42,359 --> 00:21:44,159
Speaker 1: homes and you weren't seeing each other or whatever, like,

434
00:21:44,200 --> 00:21:46,600
Speaker 1: how did you kind of did you did you bridge

435
00:21:46,600 --> 00:21:48,119
Speaker 1: that gap with your son at the same time and

436
00:21:48,160 --> 00:21:50,760
Speaker 1: say to him, hey, look, we're sorry. What what's going

437
00:21:50,800 --> 00:21:52,920
Speaker 1: on right now? You know, you know, we want to

438
00:21:52,960 --> 00:21:55,600
Speaker 1: sit you down and talk to you and and and

439
00:21:55,640 --> 00:21:57,400
Speaker 1: he's so yeah, yeah, I mean, I guess it's kind

440
00:21:57,400 --> 00:22:00,520
Speaker 1: of hard when he's three, but you know, he obviously

441
00:22:00,520 --> 00:22:05,840
Speaker 1: got older. He was he was really young, but really smart.

442
00:22:06,440 --> 00:22:08,440
Speaker 1: Like I don't know where he got it, but he's

443
00:22:08,520 --> 00:22:13,120
Speaker 1: really smart. So there were certain things that like if

444
00:22:13,160 --> 00:22:16,680
Speaker 1: you look back, he'll say he'll even tell us that

445
00:22:18,040 --> 00:22:21,359
Speaker 1: he remember seeing boxes, Like I don't know how he

446
00:22:21,400 --> 00:22:23,840
Speaker 1: ever saw a box because we never but there's certain

447
00:22:23,880 --> 00:22:28,880
Speaker 1: things he remembers about him leaving, So there was I mean,

448
00:22:28,960 --> 00:22:31,119
Speaker 1: we knew that we had to be as honest with

449
00:22:31,200 --> 00:22:35,200
Speaker 1: him as we possibly could because he got it. And that,

450
00:22:35,240 --> 00:22:38,719
Speaker 1: to me is what is also what started this because

451
00:22:39,720 --> 00:22:42,280
Speaker 1: I mean, he's four years old and he got it,

452
00:22:42,359 --> 00:22:45,239
Speaker 1: like he knew. So you can't hide this stuff from kids, right,

453
00:22:45,560 --> 00:22:48,680
Speaker 1: It's interesting is you can't. And we thought for a

454
00:22:48,720 --> 00:22:51,760
Speaker 1: while there we wanted to protect him, right, so I

455
00:22:51,760 --> 00:22:53,560
Speaker 1: would I was staying at a hotel and I would

456
00:22:53,680 --> 00:22:57,680
Speaker 1: drive every morning home before he got up to have breakfast,

457
00:22:58,119 --> 00:23:00,320
Speaker 1: you know, to pretend like I was there at night.

458
00:23:00,359 --> 00:23:01,880
Speaker 1: And one day he looked at me and he said,

459
00:23:01,880 --> 00:23:04,359
Speaker 1: where did you sleep last night, daddy? And this is

460
00:23:04,400 --> 00:23:06,240
Speaker 1: a four year old kid, and I'm like, I slept

461
00:23:06,400 --> 00:23:08,840
Speaker 1: in the bed. He goes, well, you didn't make must

462
00:23:09,080 --> 00:23:10,520
Speaker 1: much of a mess in your bed or something like

463
00:23:10,640 --> 00:23:14,000
Speaker 1: he had noticed that nikky side of the bed. So like,

464
00:23:14,560 --> 00:23:17,679
Speaker 1: we gotta give our kids more credit, no matter what

465
00:23:17,760 --> 00:23:21,000
Speaker 1: their age is, for being aware and mindful of what's

466
00:23:21,000 --> 00:23:23,600
Speaker 1: going on, and that's something we had done wrong. But

467
00:23:23,600 --> 00:23:28,359
Speaker 1: but after that it was um, it was just something

468
00:23:28,400 --> 00:23:31,640
Speaker 1: that we when we're around him, we tried to keep

469
00:23:31,880 --> 00:23:33,600
Speaker 1: even I think when it was bad, we tried to

470
00:23:33,680 --> 00:23:37,520
Speaker 1: keep at least a unified front of everything's fine, but kids,

471
00:23:37,560 --> 00:23:39,040
Speaker 1: you know, like I said, And after you guys made

472
00:23:39,080 --> 00:23:41,920
Speaker 1: those apologies together, then that unified front started to form

473
00:23:41,920 --> 00:23:43,960
Speaker 1: a little bit better, I'm sure. And then that that

474
00:23:44,040 --> 00:23:46,600
Speaker 1: helped him out a lot a lot more it did.

475
00:23:47,240 --> 00:23:49,680
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, that was our turning point is the fact

476
00:23:49,760 --> 00:23:54,119
Speaker 1: that I went to We went to school. This is

477
00:23:54,400 --> 00:23:56,600
Speaker 1: what made us realize, Okay, we're doing something right. We

478
00:23:56,600 --> 00:23:58,960
Speaker 1: went to school for like parents, like whatever your parent

479
00:23:58,960 --> 00:24:02,000
Speaker 1: teachers for four year old open house. Yes, And we

480
00:24:02,040 --> 00:24:06,320
Speaker 1: said to her we've recently split up, and she looked

481
00:24:06,320 --> 00:24:11,000
Speaker 1: at us and said, really, this kid hasn't skipped a beat.

482
00:24:12,080 --> 00:24:15,520
Speaker 1: So that made us. That was like, okay, we are

483
00:24:15,560 --> 00:24:19,520
Speaker 1: doing something right because this child is not missing anything.

484
00:24:20,119 --> 00:24:22,080
Speaker 1: So we're doing it right. Like whatever we're doing, we've

485
00:24:22,080 --> 00:24:23,639
Speaker 1: got to keep doing. It would have been horrible if

486
00:24:23,680 --> 00:24:26,240
Speaker 1: she was like, yeah, I know, and he tells me.

487
00:24:26,320 --> 00:24:29,679
Speaker 1: He would tell anybody. He tells people everything, so it

488
00:24:29,760 --> 00:24:32,760
Speaker 1: wasn't like he was keep the So this is a

489
00:24:32,880 --> 00:24:35,720
Speaker 1: four months you you sort of mend this, or begin

490
00:24:35,800 --> 00:24:38,280
Speaker 1: to mend this. At least you set down the weapons.

491
00:24:38,840 --> 00:24:43,760
Speaker 1: What what's the path? Then what follows after that? Um,

492
00:24:43,920 --> 00:24:46,800
Speaker 1: you just begin working together, collaborating together, almost same team

493
00:24:46,920 --> 00:24:49,000
Speaker 1: in a different way than being married, but same team

494
00:24:49,040 --> 00:24:51,120
Speaker 1: that you're both on board for what's best for your son.

495
00:24:51,200 --> 00:24:54,160
Speaker 1: And then does you like your book now is called

496
00:24:54,160 --> 00:24:57,159
Speaker 1: Our Happy Divorce, does it start to become happier between

497
00:24:57,240 --> 00:25:00,320
Speaker 1: you two after that? I wish I could say that,

498
00:25:00,440 --> 00:25:03,040
Speaker 1: you know, we clicked our snapped our fingers and everything

499
00:25:03,119 --> 00:25:06,199
Speaker 1: was perfect, right, but we had a commitment now or

500
00:25:06,280 --> 00:25:07,919
Speaker 1: a mission said whatever you want to say, that it

501
00:25:08,000 --> 00:25:11,400
Speaker 1: was about asher, right, and there's so much more room. Yeah,

502
00:25:11,520 --> 00:25:13,639
Speaker 1: there's so much more room to move at that point.

503
00:25:13,760 --> 00:25:17,320
Speaker 1: And so I've been looking online about this thing called

504
00:25:17,320 --> 00:25:20,960
Speaker 1: collaborative divorce, and it was relatively new in Florida. It's

505
00:25:20,960 --> 00:25:22,960
Speaker 1: now a really big It's in a lot of statutes

506
00:25:23,040 --> 00:25:25,560
Speaker 1: of states, and there's a there's a process for it.

507
00:25:25,640 --> 00:25:28,680
Speaker 1: But basically what it is is the difference is instead

508
00:25:28,720 --> 00:25:31,879
Speaker 1: of me calling my lawyer, my lawyer calling Nikki's lawyer,

509
00:25:31,960 --> 00:25:34,520
Speaker 1: Nicky's lawyer calling her her telling you know, the game

510
00:25:34,520 --> 00:25:36,440
Speaker 1: and telephone and you know how that that gets screwed

511
00:25:36,520 --> 00:25:39,280
Speaker 1: up after like the second person, right, So, uh is

512
00:25:39,280 --> 00:25:42,600
Speaker 1: everybody's in the room together, and everybody's talking together. But

513
00:25:42,680 --> 00:25:46,160
Speaker 1: we actually went one step further, um, and I think

514
00:25:46,200 --> 00:25:48,760
Speaker 1: I told her we agreed, let's just see if we

515
00:25:48,800 --> 00:25:51,320
Speaker 1: agree on what we agree upon, let's treat this like

516
00:25:51,359 --> 00:25:54,080
Speaker 1: almost like a business thing, and see, let the business

517
00:25:54,080 --> 00:25:56,119
Speaker 1: people make the business decisions and then give it to

518
00:25:56,160 --> 00:25:58,399
Speaker 1: the lawyers. Because I because of my experience with the

519
00:25:58,440 --> 00:26:01,640
Speaker 1: other lawyer, it was like, not they're not all bad,

520
00:26:01,800 --> 00:26:04,120
Speaker 1: you know, but this guy was like, you know, feeding

521
00:26:04,160 --> 00:26:06,640
Speaker 1: me my own bs, like, you know, because he saw

522
00:26:06,640 --> 00:26:09,600
Speaker 1: the big shiny, you know, two year divorce and whatever

523
00:26:09,640 --> 00:26:12,240
Speaker 1: that costs. And so we just sat down at the

524
00:26:12,280 --> 00:26:15,320
Speaker 1: same coffee shop where we had apologize to each other,

525
00:26:15,359 --> 00:26:18,800
Speaker 1: and we just worked it out. And it was amazingly easy.

526
00:26:18,960 --> 00:26:22,520
Speaker 1: When we had that what's best for asher finances fell

527
00:26:22,520 --> 00:26:25,119
Speaker 1: into place, that you know, timeshare fell into place. Everything

528
00:26:25,119 --> 00:26:27,280
Speaker 1: just sort of fell in place. So then we did

529
00:26:27,320 --> 00:26:29,480
Speaker 1: it ourselves, gave it to a lawyer and said draw

530
00:26:29,480 --> 00:26:36,840
Speaker 1: it up. My lawyer was pissed. I paid the other

531
00:26:36,880 --> 00:26:39,359
Speaker 1: guy three times as much to write that game plan

532
00:26:39,480 --> 00:26:42,440
Speaker 1: or whatever on how to get out of the whole deal,

533
00:26:42,520 --> 00:26:45,000
Speaker 1: and and you know, to make it embarrassing and so

534
00:26:45,240 --> 00:26:47,400
Speaker 1: she was pissed. She kept going to be sure you're

535
00:26:47,400 --> 00:26:50,399
Speaker 1: okay with I'm like, yeah, draw it up. Yeah, And

536
00:26:50,400 --> 00:26:53,119
Speaker 1: how did you feel with that? You were the same,

537
00:26:53,240 --> 00:26:56,400
Speaker 1: you were excited that, like you're not faking it. Obviously

538
00:26:56,440 --> 00:26:59,600
Speaker 1: you're both on board with this. You're we're definitely not

539
00:27:00,520 --> 00:27:03,800
Speaker 1: We definitely couldn't fake this. Ll No. I mean, it's

540
00:27:03,840 --> 00:27:06,280
Speaker 1: it just was so much easier. I mean, like the

541
00:27:06,280 --> 00:27:09,120
Speaker 1: heartache of going through it just was sort of I mean,

542
00:27:09,160 --> 00:27:13,640
Speaker 1: it's still there, but it's just taken away, Like there's

543
00:27:13,720 --> 00:27:16,760
Speaker 1: just the pain is the pain went, and the pain went,

544
00:27:16,800 --> 00:27:18,840
Speaker 1: but like you said, like it didn't just all of

545
00:27:18,920 --> 00:27:21,600
Speaker 1: a sudden get better, like this is twelve years in

546
00:27:21,640 --> 00:27:24,520
Speaker 1: the making, Like this is not. It was like progress

547
00:27:24,600 --> 00:27:27,520
Speaker 1: every day. We weren't looking for perfection. You guys make

548
00:27:27,560 --> 00:27:36,359
Speaker 1: me want to get a divorce so bad. Now. There's

549
00:27:36,359 --> 00:27:39,919
Speaker 1: a difference between are happy divorce and happily divorced, right,

550
00:27:39,920 --> 00:27:42,160
Speaker 1: there's a big difference. Some people are happily divorce because

551
00:27:42,160 --> 00:27:44,240
Speaker 1: they don't have to be with the others are happy.

552
00:27:44,880 --> 00:27:47,119
Speaker 1: But it was there was a lot of faking, like

553
00:27:47,119 --> 00:27:48,879
Speaker 1: you brought up, there was a there was some faking it,

554
00:27:49,119 --> 00:27:51,480
Speaker 1: Like we joke around. We faked until we made it. Like,

555
00:27:51,920 --> 00:27:55,240
Speaker 1: you know, she started dating somebody who's here, who's a

556
00:27:55,240 --> 00:27:57,959
Speaker 1: great guy that that I had known, that we had

557
00:27:57,960 --> 00:28:00,000
Speaker 1: known before. And you know, when when he would come

558
00:28:00,080 --> 00:28:02,680
Speaker 1: the Asher's baseball games, like I had to go over

559
00:28:02,680 --> 00:28:04,600
Speaker 1: there and put all my big boy pants and swallow

560
00:28:04,680 --> 00:28:06,879
Speaker 1: my ego and you know, pretend like everything was okay.

561
00:28:06,920 --> 00:28:09,560
Speaker 1: My insides were being torn apart, you know all that,

562
00:28:09,640 --> 00:28:13,200
Speaker 1: you know, fear or anger and you know, my manhood

563
00:28:13,200 --> 00:28:15,560
Speaker 1: and here's another guy with my ex wife and with

564
00:28:15,600 --> 00:28:17,960
Speaker 1: my son. And but I put on a you know,

565
00:28:17,960 --> 00:28:21,159
Speaker 1: a smile and sort of just developed into okay, you

566
00:28:21,160 --> 00:28:24,600
Speaker 1: know what, she's gonna be with somebody eventually. Why not

567
00:28:24,680 --> 00:28:26,720
Speaker 1: make it somebody who was a good guy who loves

568
00:28:26,760 --> 00:28:29,199
Speaker 1: my son like I do, and is good. Is a

569
00:28:29,200 --> 00:28:30,960
Speaker 1: good influence, It makes her happy. I don't want a

570
00:28:31,000 --> 00:28:33,199
Speaker 1: miserable ex wife. I didn't want a miserable wife, much

571
00:28:33,280 --> 00:28:35,639
Speaker 1: less a miserable ex wife. You know, I want a

572
00:28:35,680 --> 00:28:38,479
Speaker 1: happy with ex wife. Let's not leave on handsome, great hair.

573
00:28:40,680 --> 00:28:48,960
Speaker 1: I thought, what do I have? Right? I thought to

574
00:28:49,000 --> 00:28:51,400
Speaker 1: ask you guys, and I don't want to mess this up,

575
00:28:51,440 --> 00:28:53,440
Speaker 1: But don't you all live like within a block of

576
00:28:53,440 --> 00:28:56,440
Speaker 1: each other. Can you tell the guys about that. I'm

577
00:28:56,440 --> 00:29:00,640
Speaker 1: gonna explain that because we chat at night, we're looking

578
00:29:00,680 --> 00:29:04,200
Speaker 1: for a piece of property to buy that we were like, oh,

579
00:29:04,240 --> 00:29:06,520
Speaker 1: let's let's make an investment. So we buy this piece

580
00:29:06,520 --> 00:29:10,040
Speaker 1: of property down the street from our house. Yes, it

581
00:29:10,160 --> 00:29:11,960
Speaker 1: would be a really good investment for us. We're gonna

582
00:29:12,000 --> 00:29:14,240
Speaker 1: hold on to it. Two days later, we sold it

583
00:29:14,280 --> 00:29:17,120
Speaker 1: to you for the exact price we bought it. No, No,

584
00:29:17,520 --> 00:29:19,600
Speaker 1: you called me because I was with Asher at that

585
00:29:19,640 --> 00:29:21,720
Speaker 1: golf camp. You called because we were looking for a

586
00:29:21,720 --> 00:29:24,200
Speaker 1: place to build the house. She called me and said,

587
00:29:24,200 --> 00:29:26,440
Speaker 1: I bought you a piece of land. I was like, Nikki,

588
00:29:26,480 --> 00:29:27,840
Speaker 1: what happens if I don't want like it? Like you

589
00:29:27,880 --> 00:29:29,400
Speaker 1: just bought it. She's like, well, if you don't buy

590
00:29:29,400 --> 00:29:31,080
Speaker 1: a chat and I'll do an investment or something. But

591
00:29:31,120 --> 00:29:32,920
Speaker 1: I bought you a piece of land. So she turned

592
00:29:32,960 --> 00:29:34,480
Speaker 1: around and sold to me for two and it's five

593
00:29:34,480 --> 00:29:39,440
Speaker 1: houses down uh from so Asher, we the streets names Longfellow.

594
00:29:39,440 --> 00:29:42,200
Speaker 1: We call him the long Fellow creeper because he goes.

595
00:29:42,560 --> 00:29:44,280
Speaker 1: He loves the fish and it's on the water. So

596
00:29:44,360 --> 00:29:46,560
Speaker 1: he'll be at my house and he'll creep over to

597
00:29:46,680 --> 00:29:50,280
Speaker 1: Nikki's house and so we don't even know something like

598
00:29:50,680 --> 00:29:52,600
Speaker 1: call Nick goes her son over there and she looks

599
00:29:52,640 --> 00:29:55,440
Speaker 1: out the winning ice fishing outside. So I just want

600
00:29:55,440 --> 00:29:57,160
Speaker 1: to applaud you too, because I don't think I could

601
00:29:57,200 --> 00:30:02,080
Speaker 1: do that. I don't think like I have zero contact

602
00:30:02,160 --> 00:30:06,480
Speaker 1: with anybody that was formerly in my life. I can't.

603
00:30:06,560 --> 00:30:10,240
Speaker 1: I don't know. You were far more emotionally advanced than I.

604
00:30:10,240 --> 00:30:12,800
Speaker 1: I think, in fact, most of us, most of us,

605
00:30:12,920 --> 00:30:14,840
Speaker 1: if we knew that our ex or whatever was trying

606
00:30:14,880 --> 00:30:16,320
Speaker 1: to buy a piece of properly, tried to buy it

607
00:30:16,400 --> 00:30:20,440
Speaker 1: round underneath them, or you could just egg their house

608
00:30:20,480 --> 00:30:24,160
Speaker 1: every ten but they but like the deal is if

609
00:30:24,200 --> 00:30:26,520
Speaker 1: you look, and that's what I just tried to explain

610
00:30:26,520 --> 00:30:28,520
Speaker 1: to people who look at this forum. And you know,

611
00:30:28,560 --> 00:30:31,760
Speaker 1: we just got off a trip, uh, just the three

612
00:30:31,800 --> 00:30:36,720
Speaker 1: of us, Nikki Asher and myself to Africana Safari without Chad,

613
00:30:36,760 --> 00:30:39,400
Speaker 1: her husband, and without my wife and two kids. And

614
00:30:40,000 --> 00:30:42,240
Speaker 1: it was so that this is the sort of combination.

615
00:30:42,280 --> 00:30:44,040
Speaker 1: So you fast forward twelve years as sure when he

616
00:30:44,080 --> 00:30:47,880
Speaker 1: was a kid was everybody has kids, you know, they're upset,

617
00:30:47,920 --> 00:30:49,800
Speaker 1: they get obsessed with one thing, if it whether it's

618
00:30:49,800 --> 00:30:52,680
Speaker 1: like my little ones obsessed with Spider Man or dinosaurs

619
00:30:52,840 --> 00:30:55,720
Speaker 1: or and Ash was animals. He was like an animal encyclopedia.

620
00:30:55,800 --> 00:30:59,280
Speaker 1: He would read animal encyclopedias. And so we always wanted

621
00:30:59,720 --> 00:31:01,960
Speaker 1: we always knew we were gonna take him to Africa,

622
00:31:02,320 --> 00:31:04,000
Speaker 1: or he wanted to go to Africa. But with the

623
00:31:04,040 --> 00:31:08,040
Speaker 1: shots and everything you need to do, well, there's that sus.

624
00:31:09,640 --> 00:31:12,000
Speaker 1: You guys are great parents, because the zoo sucks. If

625
00:31:12,040 --> 00:31:15,080
Speaker 1: you go to Africa, you see the authentic, real thing,

626
00:31:14,240 --> 00:31:16,560
Speaker 1: the real zews when you see them in the wild.

627
00:31:16,600 --> 00:31:21,160
Speaker 1: So the thing is that if anyone really well really

628
00:31:21,200 --> 00:31:23,600
Speaker 1: would have set us the divorce, south wouldn't have been

629
00:31:23,600 --> 00:31:25,720
Speaker 1: the romance, finance and all the other nonsense that it

630
00:31:25,760 --> 00:31:27,960
Speaker 1: would have been if the other one had taken the

631
00:31:28,040 --> 00:31:31,560
Speaker 1: other one or Asher to Africa without the other one.

632
00:31:31,600 --> 00:31:34,520
Speaker 1: So that's the kicker. But that's where our life is. Is.

633
00:31:34,760 --> 00:31:37,320
Speaker 1: I tell my wife, Yeah, I tell my wife, now,

634
00:31:37,360 --> 00:31:40,040
Speaker 1: I'm going to Africa with Nikki and Asher. And she

635
00:31:40,080 --> 00:31:42,000
Speaker 1: doesn't say, oh, hell no, you're not going to Africa

636
00:31:42,040 --> 00:31:44,040
Speaker 1: with your ex wife. Are you crazy sleeping alone in

637
00:31:44,040 --> 00:31:46,840
Speaker 1: the bush or whatever, And instead she goes, that's great,

638
00:31:46,880 --> 00:31:49,200
Speaker 1: ashe would love it. I don't know if I could

639
00:31:49,200 --> 00:31:51,680
Speaker 1: do that. Man. That's what makes this crazy is because

640
00:31:51,680 --> 00:31:54,200
Speaker 1: you've we have two more like there's a wife and

641
00:31:54,240 --> 00:31:56,680
Speaker 1: there's a husband, so it all has to work. It's

642
00:31:56,720 --> 00:31:59,160
Speaker 1: all like you know, that's the thing. How do they

643
00:31:59,200 --> 00:32:01,720
Speaker 1: have that patience or how do they have that composure?

644
00:32:01,760 --> 00:32:04,880
Speaker 1: Because I'm like, I'm listening to this and hopefully I'm like,

645
00:32:04,920 --> 00:32:07,360
Speaker 1: I love my wife and I hope to never get divorced.

646
00:32:07,400 --> 00:32:09,320
Speaker 1: But I'm sure there's people out there listening to this

647
00:32:09,360 --> 00:32:11,680
Speaker 1: saying no, that would never happen. I never allow that.

648
00:32:11,760 --> 00:32:15,680
Speaker 1: I never like, how how do your significant what are

649
00:32:15,680 --> 00:32:19,520
Speaker 1: you Chad right here when that came to him? Like,

650
00:32:19,880 --> 00:32:21,959
Speaker 1: what was your respond to that? When they said, hey,

651
00:32:22,040 --> 00:32:26,880
Speaker 1: by the way, Africa, this is where the story gets interesting.

652
00:32:28,120 --> 00:32:33,200
Speaker 1: I don't even like, I really don't like that, and

653
00:32:33,280 --> 00:32:37,400
Speaker 1: I hunt, I don't even like animals. You brought it

654
00:32:37,480 --> 00:32:39,800
Speaker 1: up about you don't have any contact with anyone in

655
00:32:39,840 --> 00:32:42,480
Speaker 1: your in your past life, but you don't share a

656
00:32:42,560 --> 00:32:45,320
Speaker 1: child with that persons. You know, that's where the differences,

657
00:32:45,320 --> 00:32:47,080
Speaker 1: and I think that's where these two are to be

658
00:32:47,160 --> 00:32:49,400
Speaker 1: commended is because they made it all about the child,

659
00:32:49,480 --> 00:32:52,800
Speaker 1: this happy divorce, This modern family is all about the kids.

660
00:32:53,400 --> 00:32:56,200
Speaker 1: Ben's two kids. You know, work close to them. They

661
00:32:56,320 --> 00:32:58,560
Speaker 1: think I'm their stepfather. You know, they come to our

662
00:32:58,920 --> 00:33:02,920
Speaker 1: sometimes stay a little too, but in our house all

663
00:33:02,920 --> 00:33:04,720
Speaker 1: the time, we go trick or treating together, you know,

664
00:33:04,760 --> 00:33:07,400
Speaker 1: we go on vacation together. So the part I think

665
00:33:07,400 --> 00:33:09,920
Speaker 1: that's hard to understand is once you introduced to children

666
00:33:09,920 --> 00:33:11,800
Speaker 1: into it, without the children, yours act the right. I

667
00:33:11,800 --> 00:33:13,800
Speaker 1: don't think any of us would argue with you. You know,

668
00:33:13,840 --> 00:33:16,960
Speaker 1: good written's good luck with moving forward. That's the that's

669
00:33:16,960 --> 00:33:19,760
Speaker 1: the the nicest I'm gonna be have a good day.

670
00:33:20,000 --> 00:33:21,840
Speaker 1: And that's not what this was about. It was about

671
00:33:22,120 --> 00:33:25,840
Speaker 1: moving forward. Uh, you know, for for ashs sake. First,

672
00:33:25,840 --> 00:33:28,160
Speaker 1: it actually makes listen to you talk too. It actually

673
00:33:28,160 --> 00:33:30,920
Speaker 1: makes sense to me now because how cool for him

674
00:33:30,960 --> 00:33:33,600
Speaker 1: to be in Africa with his mom and his dad.

675
00:33:34,000 --> 00:33:36,720
Speaker 1: That's how the how Africa trip is unique. But to

676
00:33:36,800 --> 00:33:39,680
Speaker 1: share it with just his parents, not the step kids,

677
00:33:39,720 --> 00:33:42,320
Speaker 1: I mean, you know, not not their step not a stepparents,

678
00:33:42,360 --> 00:33:45,000
Speaker 1: but just those two that's priceless. So that's what I

679
00:33:45,000 --> 00:33:47,040
Speaker 1: was gonna ask. That was set up just to be

680
00:33:47,160 --> 00:33:48,800
Speaker 1: the two of you, Like, there was never a point

681
00:33:48,800 --> 00:33:50,280
Speaker 1: where it was like, Oh, Chad, do you want to come?

682
00:33:50,960 --> 00:33:54,880
Speaker 1: It was we were invited to go. Number one, I

683
00:33:54,880 --> 00:33:57,640
Speaker 1: wasn't gonna travel twenty nine hours on a plane to go.

684
00:33:57,920 --> 00:34:00,000
Speaker 1: I had, you know, I work in Tampa. I couldn't

685
00:34:00,000 --> 00:34:02,560
Speaker 1: take that much time off and it just wasn't gonna work.

686
00:34:02,560 --> 00:34:05,000
Speaker 1: But more importantly, I felt it was time that he

687
00:34:05,000 --> 00:34:07,760
Speaker 1: should spend with those two. You know, you bring in

688
00:34:07,800 --> 00:34:09,759
Speaker 1: a different dynamic. We do enough of that. It needed

689
00:34:09,800 --> 00:34:11,800
Speaker 1: to be just the three of them. That's that's something

690
00:34:11,840 --> 00:34:14,160
Speaker 1: that we've talked about since he was a little kid,

691
00:34:14,920 --> 00:34:18,680
Speaker 1: obsessed with every every animal that's that's known to be

692
00:34:18,880 --> 00:34:22,239
Speaker 1: uh uh from from Africa. And I didn't want to

693
00:34:22,239 --> 00:34:23,719
Speaker 1: take that from you. Just didn't want to get the

694
00:34:23,719 --> 00:34:26,560
Speaker 1: shots because if it was, you'd be there. I didn't.

695
00:34:28,400 --> 00:34:30,320
Speaker 1: You were like, You're like, why would I go somewhere

696
00:34:30,360 --> 00:34:33,279
Speaker 1: hotter than Tampa that doesn't have air conditioning? First of all,

697
00:34:34,719 --> 00:34:39,120
Speaker 1: drink yellow water. Trip. How did the trip go? It

698
00:34:39,200 --> 00:34:44,200
Speaker 1: was amazing. Nobody died, right, nobody accidentally. I don't even

699
00:34:44,239 --> 00:34:47,120
Speaker 1: think we got enough fight while we were gone. There

700
00:34:47,239 --> 00:34:49,799
Speaker 1: was one uh well, there was one that you were

701
00:34:49,840 --> 00:34:53,400
Speaker 1: more yelling at ash Or and I for being you know,

702
00:34:53,480 --> 00:34:55,600
Speaker 1: whatever we were doing. But but no, it went great.

703
00:34:55,600 --> 00:34:57,239
Speaker 1: I mean, nobody there, Like I said, there was no

704
00:34:57,280 --> 00:35:00,239
Speaker 1: accidental slips off of the Safari into the line ride

705
00:35:00,360 --> 00:35:02,480
Speaker 1: or there was no uh. But the funny thing is

706
00:35:02,680 --> 00:35:06,480
Speaker 1: this conversation phones didn't work anywhere but in their rooms,

707
00:35:07,040 --> 00:35:09,040
Speaker 1: so that made it, I mean like we were forced

708
00:35:09,080 --> 00:35:11,440
Speaker 1: to talk. But the other thing is that the we

709
00:35:11,560 --> 00:35:13,719
Speaker 1: see people's faces was priceless and I wish I had

710
00:35:13,760 --> 00:35:16,080
Speaker 1: more video of it. But like we were obviously staying

711
00:35:16,080 --> 00:35:20,160
Speaker 1: in separate tents or cabins and so but people would

712
00:35:20,200 --> 00:35:23,400
Speaker 1: like look and I go asture slept with her because

713
00:35:23,800 --> 00:35:26,279
Speaker 1: you really in the middle of the elephants were walking by,

714
00:35:26,400 --> 00:35:29,239
Speaker 1: really in the middle of it, and so they would

715
00:35:29,280 --> 00:35:32,480
Speaker 1: look and they walked past me and to get dropped off,

716
00:35:32,520 --> 00:35:34,399
Speaker 1: and she was going to the other one, and we'd

717
00:35:34,400 --> 00:35:36,200
Speaker 1: have to explain, oh, she's my ex wife, you know,

718
00:35:36,400 --> 00:35:39,640
Speaker 1: and then they would even get what yeah, because we

719
00:35:39,640 --> 00:35:41,320
Speaker 1: weren't staying in the same at the same time. But

720
00:35:41,320 --> 00:35:43,000
Speaker 1: it was great, I mean it was it was first

721
00:35:43,000 --> 00:35:47,600
Speaker 1: of all that story. It was amazing that we did

722
00:35:47,680 --> 00:35:49,960
Speaker 1: it like that. But but being in Africa is just

723
00:35:50,000 --> 00:35:52,120
Speaker 1: a hole that you said, you know, it's just an amazing,

724
00:35:52,160 --> 00:35:55,919
Speaker 1: life changing experience. Country where Buttswana? I want to go there.

725
00:35:55,960 --> 00:35:58,320
Speaker 1: I mean, it was just you can't even explain it.

726
00:35:58,320 --> 00:36:01,040
Speaker 1: I don't even have enough vocabularity explain how amazing and

727
00:36:01,160 --> 00:36:04,120
Speaker 1: humbling it was. So I gotta, I gotta. I guess

728
00:36:04,120 --> 00:36:06,000
Speaker 1: I'll be the guy to asked this. No we didn't

729
00:36:06,000 --> 00:36:12,040
Speaker 1: sleep together, No, no, no. But while all this was

730
00:36:12,080 --> 00:36:13,799
Speaker 1: going on, while you guys were figuring out how to

731
00:36:13,800 --> 00:36:17,080
Speaker 1: be happily divorced, was there ever a moment you're like, well,

732
00:36:18,120 --> 00:36:25,200
Speaker 1: maybe we could have made this work. No, no, no

733
00:36:25,360 --> 00:36:28,160
Speaker 1: unanimous consent. No, no, there there there was. There was

734
00:36:28,200 --> 00:36:32,120
Speaker 1: a reason we were married. That child, he asher was

735
00:36:32,200 --> 00:36:36,400
Speaker 1: meant to be here. He's he's beyond special. And I

736
00:36:36,960 --> 00:36:38,960
Speaker 1: mean obviously his mother, I'm must say that, but he

737
00:36:39,040 --> 00:36:41,640
Speaker 1: was meant to be here. And I think that's I mean,

738
00:36:41,760 --> 00:36:43,880
Speaker 1: don't you agree I agree to play? I mean there

739
00:36:44,000 --> 00:36:46,759
Speaker 1: was you know when I looked at my part, you know,

740
00:36:47,000 --> 00:36:50,680
Speaker 1: through that whole exercises, there walked through every red light,

741
00:36:51,080 --> 00:36:53,640
Speaker 1: you know, and and it's nothing that you know, every

742
00:36:53,719 --> 00:36:57,120
Speaker 1: warning sign. I remember, Yeah, she was sick on the

743
00:36:57,120 --> 00:36:59,799
Speaker 1: wedding day, went down, took my dress off, and had

744
00:36:59,800 --> 00:37:03,040
Speaker 1: to go put something else and they was sick. You

745
00:37:03,040 --> 00:37:07,040
Speaker 1: mean like that she just carried me like food point

746
00:37:06,719 --> 00:37:08,800
Speaker 1: is not like allergic to me, Like I can't believe

747
00:37:08,760 --> 00:37:14,080
Speaker 1: I'd married that dude. No, it's and I remember looking

748
00:37:14,120 --> 00:37:16,960
Speaker 1: at the mirror, uh, you know, my tuxedo on and

749
00:37:17,000 --> 00:37:19,440
Speaker 1: getting my hair done, going, this isn't right. I mean,

750
00:37:19,440 --> 00:37:22,440
Speaker 1: if I'm being honest with myself, like I I remember

751
00:37:22,440 --> 00:37:25,000
Speaker 1: that day, like yesterday, that this just wasn't like all

752
00:37:25,040 --> 00:37:27,200
Speaker 1: the red lights have gone with a double breast of jacket. No,

753
00:37:27,320 --> 00:37:31,600
Speaker 1: you're right, I messed it up. But but again everything

754
00:37:31,680 --> 00:37:34,640
Speaker 1: is I wouldn't go back and change one single thing.

755
00:37:34,680 --> 00:37:36,520
Speaker 1: And that's the thing that I think the story with

756
00:37:36,560 --> 00:37:39,759
Speaker 1: the messages is like I am so grateful for my

757
00:37:39,840 --> 00:37:42,359
Speaker 1: life today and you look back on it can't be

758
00:37:42,400 --> 00:37:47,000
Speaker 1: selectively grateful, right, Like I can't say I'm grateful for this,

759
00:37:47,320 --> 00:37:49,520
Speaker 1: but I'm not grateful for that. So it's it's like

760
00:37:50,160 --> 00:37:52,320
Speaker 1: it's like the painting, right, each one's broad stroke and

761
00:37:52,320 --> 00:37:54,560
Speaker 1: it only works if everything's together. So you know, I've

762
00:37:54,600 --> 00:37:58,000
Speaker 1: suffered from drug addiction, alcoholism. I've been sober twenty five years.

763
00:37:58,160 --> 00:38:00,319
Speaker 1: You know, I had this terrible low one in my

764
00:38:00,360 --> 00:38:03,399
Speaker 1: life with the divorce, and but I'm grateful for it all.

765
00:38:03,440 --> 00:38:04,719
Speaker 1: You know, I'm grateful for this stuff I had to

766
00:38:04,760 --> 00:38:06,160
Speaker 1: go through as a kid with my parents, you know,

767
00:38:06,200 --> 00:38:08,719
Speaker 1: because if I didn't go through that, who knows if

768
00:38:08,760 --> 00:38:12,319
Speaker 1: I would have changed actor's outcome. So so you know,

769
00:38:12,640 --> 00:38:15,400
Speaker 1: it's I'm happy that it all happened. I'm grateful at all.

770
00:38:15,560 --> 00:38:17,360
Speaker 1: And also we wouldn't have the lives we have today

771
00:38:18,000 --> 00:38:20,080
Speaker 1: going through that or find And that's the thing that

772
00:38:20,200 --> 00:38:23,480
Speaker 1: like when you see divorce couples who are remarried, have

773
00:38:23,680 --> 00:38:26,239
Speaker 1: kids or moved on with their life, and yet they

774
00:38:26,280 --> 00:38:29,640
Speaker 1: still hold on to that anger and that bitterness and

775
00:38:29,680 --> 00:38:31,680
Speaker 1: all that other negative stuff towards their X and they

776
00:38:31,719 --> 00:38:34,560
Speaker 1: can't just take a step back and go, wait a second,

777
00:38:34,560 --> 00:38:36,560
Speaker 1: if this didn't happen, I didn't get there, I wouldn't

778
00:38:36,600 --> 00:38:38,560
Speaker 1: have the life I have today. So it all, you know,

779
00:38:38,880 --> 00:38:41,040
Speaker 1: it's sort of a just you know, just show up

780
00:38:41,080 --> 00:38:43,719
Speaker 1: and it happens all for a reason. Can I ask

781
00:38:43,760 --> 00:38:45,560
Speaker 1: you a question, do you and I think I already

782
00:38:45,560 --> 00:38:50,239
Speaker 1: know the answer, but do you both genuinely wish the

783
00:38:50,320 --> 00:38:56,560
Speaker 1: absolute best for each other? That's amazing. So that's amazing.

784
00:38:56,600 --> 00:38:59,399
Speaker 1: That's except because how many people leave a divorce, enter

785
00:38:59,400 --> 00:39:01,800
Speaker 1: a divorce and just have bitterness, resentment and want the

786
00:39:01,880 --> 00:39:05,080
Speaker 1: other person to suffer the rest of their life or

787
00:39:05,120 --> 00:39:07,600
Speaker 1: you know, and it's still that capacity. I applaud you.

788
00:39:07,640 --> 00:39:12,200
Speaker 1: And not only that is you know Nikki uh so,

789
00:39:12,280 --> 00:39:15,080
Speaker 1: I Naddy and my wife, um and I sort of

790
00:39:15,120 --> 00:39:19,320
Speaker 1: had this tumultuous relationship because I was because I was

791
00:39:19,360 --> 00:39:21,720
Speaker 1: a douche bag, right, I mean I I really wasn't.

792
00:39:21,880 --> 00:39:23,880
Speaker 1: Although I had done all this work on myself, I

793
00:39:24,000 --> 00:39:27,920
Speaker 1: just wasn't ready to commit again or to get married

794
00:39:27,960 --> 00:39:30,719
Speaker 1: again because I still had this idea of marriage and

795
00:39:30,880 --> 00:39:33,160
Speaker 1: parents my own marriage failure. I have done my work

796
00:39:33,160 --> 00:39:35,720
Speaker 1: around the marriage part and how I have you marriage?

797
00:39:36,320 --> 00:39:38,840
Speaker 1: Um and so, but Nadi wanted to get married, and

798
00:39:38,880 --> 00:39:40,320
Speaker 1: she wanted to have all the things that I already

799
00:39:40,320 --> 00:39:43,200
Speaker 1: had I wanted. I was just happy with her being

800
00:39:43,200 --> 00:39:44,759
Speaker 1: my girlfriend for the rest of my life, right, and

801
00:39:45,160 --> 00:39:48,560
Speaker 1: so she left for the last time before you you know,

802
00:39:48,560 --> 00:39:51,040
Speaker 1: I got engaged. But it was Nikki, who you know,

803
00:39:51,200 --> 00:39:53,520
Speaker 1: called me on my bs and she's like, you're not

804
00:39:53,520 --> 00:39:55,359
Speaker 1: going to find a better woman that what are you doing?

805
00:39:55,400 --> 00:39:58,319
Speaker 1: You're gonna end up old and lonely. You know. Yeah,

806
00:39:58,400 --> 00:40:00,480
Speaker 1: it's gonna be revolving. Yeah, you're gonn allowing for the

807
00:40:00,520 --> 00:40:02,080
Speaker 1: rest of your life. And it was her. You're you're

808
00:40:02,160 --> 00:40:04,120
Speaker 1: letting the bath. You're letting a really good thing. Go

809
00:40:05,280 --> 00:40:09,160
Speaker 1: step up and marry that woman. So Max wife, So yes,

810
00:40:08,960 --> 00:40:13,240
Speaker 1: does she genuinely? Yeah? What a gift? Yeah? What advice

811
00:40:13,280 --> 00:40:16,520
Speaker 1: would you have for people in our community? Are listeners

812
00:40:16,880 --> 00:40:19,000
Speaker 1: that are in a divorce maybe you're in a bad

813
00:40:19,040 --> 00:40:22,879
Speaker 1: relationship with this ex husband or wife would just want

814
00:40:22,880 --> 00:40:25,439
Speaker 1: to open the mic to you guys too. To give

815
00:40:25,520 --> 00:40:29,040
Speaker 1: any advice to our community as you see fit, you

816
00:40:29,080 --> 00:40:32,799
Speaker 1: have to forgive yourself first. Can you unpack that a

817
00:40:32,800 --> 00:40:37,040
Speaker 1: little more? You have to realize how much, no matter

818
00:40:37,080 --> 00:40:41,960
Speaker 1: what happened in this marriage and who did what whatever,

819
00:40:43,239 --> 00:40:46,000
Speaker 1: you had a part in it. A huge pardon it.

820
00:40:46,719 --> 00:40:48,800
Speaker 1: You have to learn how to forgive yourself before you

821
00:40:48,880 --> 00:40:55,200
Speaker 1: can forgive somebody else. Wow, So take ownership of your role. Yeah.

822
00:40:55,280 --> 00:40:59,320
Speaker 1: And the other thing is, like, I think the message

823
00:40:59,480 --> 00:41:01,920
Speaker 1: that we right to get across in the book and

824
00:41:01,960 --> 00:41:05,120
Speaker 1: hopefully people can still hold no matter how you know,

825
00:41:05,239 --> 00:41:07,120
Speaker 1: what the other person did or no matter what the

826
00:41:07,200 --> 00:41:09,960
Speaker 1: situation is. Obviously, you know, let's make a caveat for

827
00:41:10,000 --> 00:41:12,680
Speaker 1: some you know, physical abuse and you know some some

828
00:41:13,000 --> 00:41:19,319
Speaker 1: uh nonstarters, right, but you know, uh, everybody who's gone

829
00:41:19,440 --> 00:41:21,480
Speaker 1: is going through that bad divorce and hates their X

830
00:41:21,480 --> 00:41:24,239
Speaker 1: and which is all that ill and everything. If I

831
00:41:24,280 --> 00:41:25,640
Speaker 1: were to ask them when they lay in front of

832
00:41:25,640 --> 00:41:28,680
Speaker 1: a bus for their kids, I'm almost certain that everybody

833
00:41:28,680 --> 00:41:32,480
Speaker 1: would say yes, right, but you don't understand that what

834
00:41:32,520 --> 00:41:35,759
Speaker 1: you're doing is basically stepping out of the way and

835
00:41:35,840 --> 00:41:39,040
Speaker 1: letting your kids get hit by the bus, you know, unintentionally,

836
00:41:39,600 --> 00:41:42,880
Speaker 1: but through all the all the resentment, all the anger,

837
00:41:42,960 --> 00:41:45,560
Speaker 1: and so just take a step back from somebody who's

838
00:41:45,600 --> 00:41:47,839
Speaker 1: been through it, right, who had to go through it

839
00:41:47,880 --> 00:41:51,160
Speaker 1: is It is a tough place to be when your

840
00:41:51,239 --> 00:41:55,800
Speaker 1: two parents, who you love equally are you know, talking

841
00:41:55,880 --> 00:41:57,480
Speaker 1: about each other or whatever, and you have to sit

842
00:41:57,520 --> 00:41:59,880
Speaker 1: there and you have to take it right and instead,

843
00:42:00,360 --> 00:42:02,160
Speaker 1: if it's somebody else where to talk about your parents

844
00:42:02,200 --> 00:42:04,120
Speaker 1: like that, you probably punched him in the face. You know,

845
00:42:04,160 --> 00:42:07,600
Speaker 1: you're a hockey guy, you understand it, right, so, uh

846
00:42:07,719 --> 00:42:10,399
Speaker 1: you know, so so you know you But but as

847
00:42:10,400 --> 00:42:12,000
Speaker 1: a thirteen year old, I had to sit there and

848
00:42:12,080 --> 00:42:13,680
Speaker 1: I had to take it, you know, and just swallow

849
00:42:13,719 --> 00:42:15,880
Speaker 1: it because and well, you know, love my dad, I

850
00:42:15,960 --> 00:42:18,680
Speaker 1: love my mom, and and they were parenting from a

851
00:42:18,719 --> 00:42:22,759
Speaker 1: place of not parent of the year, but favorite parents, right,

852
00:42:23,040 --> 00:42:26,319
Speaker 1: And it's just it's unintentional. They didn't mean to do it.

853
00:42:26,360 --> 00:42:28,719
Speaker 1: You know, my mom read the book and she called

854
00:42:28,760 --> 00:42:30,680
Speaker 1: me and she said she was sorry, you know, for everything,

855
00:42:30,800 --> 00:42:32,600
Speaker 1: And I go, Mom, you know, you know, I told

856
00:42:32,600 --> 00:42:35,400
Speaker 1: her the whole grateful thing. Maybe who I am, so

857
00:42:35,440 --> 00:42:37,800
Speaker 1: I don't have to repeat those mistakes. And that's so

858
00:42:37,800 --> 00:42:40,320
Speaker 1: so anybody out there just like put the kids first,

859
00:42:40,920 --> 00:42:45,600
Speaker 1: like you signed up for, you did it. And I

860
00:42:45,640 --> 00:42:49,000
Speaker 1: hope I don't want to sound preachy, but like I am,

861
00:42:49,480 --> 00:42:52,200
Speaker 1: you're speaking, but I want to know what you're Nicki

862
00:42:52,200 --> 00:42:55,040
Speaker 1: and Ben, what your take is on couples that are

863
00:42:56,000 --> 00:42:59,160
Speaker 1: let's say, not happy. It's not a disaster, but they're

864
00:42:59,160 --> 00:43:01,319
Speaker 1: in a marriage. It's not great and they know that,

865
00:43:01,520 --> 00:43:04,560
Speaker 1: but they stayed together for the kids. This seems to

866
00:43:04,640 --> 00:43:07,480
Speaker 1: be the eternal debate on whether that is a good

867
00:43:07,520 --> 00:43:11,640
Speaker 1: idea or a terrible idea. I mean, my opinion is

868
00:43:12,040 --> 00:43:14,279
Speaker 1: I think it's a terrible idea because we were like that,

869
00:43:14,560 --> 00:43:16,600
Speaker 1: We weren't in a bad place. We weren't. I mean,

870
00:43:16,640 --> 00:43:19,279
Speaker 1: we were like two ships passing in the night like

871
00:43:19,560 --> 00:43:22,960
Speaker 1: we were friends. It wasn't like we didn't fight with it,

872
00:43:23,160 --> 00:43:26,440
Speaker 1: just we thought sometimes but not not terribly, you know,

873
00:43:26,880 --> 00:43:29,080
Speaker 1: but not get yelled at friend and you didn't deserve.

874
00:43:29,200 --> 00:43:36,440
Speaker 1: But but what a beautiful thing I could say. That's

875
00:43:36,480 --> 00:43:38,360
Speaker 1: my ex wife with her husband standing or not getting

876
00:43:38,400 --> 00:43:44,879
Speaker 1: knocked out, right, you know. But it wasn't like right,

877
00:43:45,000 --> 00:43:50,440
Speaker 1: I mean it's but I mean it is everybody. Everybody

878
00:43:50,480 --> 00:43:53,120
Speaker 1: wants to be a princess, every little girl wants to

879
00:43:53,160 --> 00:44:00,520
Speaker 1: be a princess. And Ryan shot across the battle of

880
00:44:00,600 --> 00:44:05,279
Speaker 1: that cont Nikki. Don't just disregarding we, we all disregard him.

881
00:44:05,320 --> 00:44:09,680
Speaker 1: So please good hair, Thank you good. I've been admiring

882
00:44:09,800 --> 00:44:14,160
Speaker 1: your current husband Chads too. It's freaking look game recognizing game.

883
00:44:17,520 --> 00:44:20,120
Speaker 1: This is an important question. So get back to my hair.

884
00:44:20,480 --> 00:44:25,480
Speaker 1: H How are is eyebrows? That's what I really want? Nice,

885
00:44:26,400 --> 00:44:30,080
Speaker 1: so shapely, perfectly? Enough about me, let's talk about me. Yeah,

886
00:44:30,880 --> 00:44:34,800
Speaker 1: I don't even I don't even question. Is it should

887
00:44:35,000 --> 00:44:40,440
Speaker 1: couples that are moderately unhappy stay together for the kids

888
00:44:40,880 --> 00:44:43,080
Speaker 1: or is that a bad idea? Like there's couples that

889
00:44:43,120 --> 00:44:44,959
Speaker 1: are just like looking at their watch. Until the kids

890
00:44:44,960 --> 00:44:47,480
Speaker 1: go to college and to see a dinner that are

891
00:44:47,520 --> 00:44:49,960
Speaker 1: all on their phones and nobody's talking to each other. No,

892
00:44:50,080 --> 00:44:52,719
Speaker 1: because the kids are gonna end up feeling it. They

893
00:44:52,760 --> 00:44:54,919
Speaker 1: feel I mean, kids aren't stupid. They feel when there's

894
00:44:54,960 --> 00:44:58,359
Speaker 1: not love between two people. They I mean, they get it. Yeah,

895
00:44:58,640 --> 00:45:02,040
Speaker 1: and they and I'm I'm like, we're not marriage counselors,

896
00:45:02,080 --> 00:45:03,399
Speaker 1: or we don't pretend to be. You know, we don't

897
00:45:03,440 --> 00:45:05,239
Speaker 1: have a bunch of initials behind our names. You know,

898
00:45:05,280 --> 00:45:09,160
Speaker 1: we're just like to ordinary people who did an extra order,

899
00:45:09,320 --> 00:45:11,279
Speaker 1: imagine how much can be if they were in love

900
00:45:11,400 --> 00:45:16,319
Speaker 1: with somebody? Can I propose a question? Proposes before? But

901
00:45:17,760 --> 00:45:20,600
Speaker 1: all right, when you get married, you say I do

902
00:45:20,800 --> 00:45:25,200
Speaker 1: to the concept of forever. Get divorced, you say I

903
00:45:25,320 --> 00:45:29,880
Speaker 1: do again to the concept of forever. Should there be

904
00:45:30,120 --> 00:45:33,680
Speaker 1: a statute that says there is a limited amount of

905
00:45:33,719 --> 00:45:39,080
Speaker 1: times you were permitted to say forever legally. Therefore, how

906
00:45:39,080 --> 00:45:42,040
Speaker 1: many times you're permitted to get married and say I

907
00:45:42,160 --> 00:45:46,360
Speaker 1: do forever? Because the way I'm seeing the concept of

908
00:45:46,400 --> 00:45:49,560
Speaker 1: marriage in these modern times, it's sort of like forever

909
00:45:50,080 --> 00:45:54,080
Speaker 1: for now, forever, forever temporarily. What is it. I mean,

910
00:45:54,120 --> 00:45:56,920
Speaker 1: I don't understand, like you know, I understand getting divorced,

911
00:45:56,920 --> 00:46:01,440
Speaker 1: getting remarried. I get it. Now what say I'm not

912
00:46:01,480 --> 00:46:03,880
Speaker 1: saying it's going to happen. Let's see you guys get divorced.

913
00:46:04,440 --> 00:46:07,759
Speaker 1: Are you gonna get married and say forever again? Do

914
00:46:07,800 --> 00:46:11,120
Speaker 1: you think what kind of that? I'm asking a normal

915
00:46:11,160 --> 00:46:16,279
Speaker 1: marriage question where people get married and remarried. I get

916
00:46:16,280 --> 00:46:20,279
Speaker 1: it because so much like, alright, that went wrong? I

917
00:46:20,280 --> 00:46:23,720
Speaker 1: think maybe I got married young, maybe something's went wrong.

918
00:46:23,760 --> 00:46:26,560
Speaker 1: I needed some self correction, it was the wrong timing

919
00:46:26,600 --> 00:46:29,359
Speaker 1: for us, blah blah blah blah blah. But should there

920
00:46:29,400 --> 00:46:34,439
Speaker 1: be let's say, government intervention. I wonder what of how

921
00:46:34,440 --> 00:46:36,920
Speaker 1: many times you're permitted to say for every when it

922
00:46:36,960 --> 00:46:40,040
Speaker 1: comes to marriage. I think maybe two should be the permanential,

923
00:46:40,200 --> 00:46:44,160
Speaker 1: and because otherwise three it's kind of like, oh, let's

924
00:46:44,160 --> 00:46:46,840
Speaker 1: see this forever again thing, and they'll let people some

925
00:46:46,840 --> 00:46:49,719
Speaker 1: people getting right four or five times six at some

926
00:46:49,760 --> 00:46:53,560
Speaker 1: points again at something mother at that point, at some point,

927
00:46:53,600 --> 00:46:55,480
Speaker 1: it's kind of like, well, when you were saying, well,

928
00:46:55,680 --> 00:46:58,000
Speaker 1: I feel like I could have been dating forever just

929
00:46:58,120 --> 00:47:03,040
Speaker 1: boyfriend girlfriend. Well, I'm not anti marriage at all, but

930
00:47:03,680 --> 00:47:07,440
Speaker 1: I am a little bit anti five marriages and forever again,

931
00:47:07,560 --> 00:47:14,480
Speaker 1: five times ever, and it's like doing the same thing over.

932
00:47:16,440 --> 00:47:18,880
Speaker 1: I've seen a lot. I've seen a lot more relationships

933
00:47:18,920 --> 00:47:21,640
Speaker 1: with friends of mine in Europe who don't get married

934
00:47:22,320 --> 00:47:24,640
Speaker 1: that lasts way longer than a lot of the marriages

935
00:47:24,680 --> 00:47:26,720
Speaker 1: I've seen with friends of mine in the United States.

936
00:47:27,520 --> 00:47:29,000
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying, and and you know the

937
00:47:29,040 --> 00:47:31,719
Speaker 1: next I mean, there's a lot of knock against the millennials,

938
00:47:31,800 --> 00:47:33,799
Speaker 1: right the quote unquote millennials, but they got it right.

939
00:47:34,239 --> 00:47:36,200
Speaker 1: And then the reason the divorce rates going down is

940
00:47:36,200 --> 00:47:42,640
Speaker 1: because they're waiting. They're not getting married four when I

941
00:47:42,680 --> 00:47:47,520
Speaker 1: got married. Here's a question, what is because I believe

942
00:47:47,520 --> 00:47:50,440
Speaker 1: the status that fifty of all marriages end in divorce,

943
00:47:51,120 --> 00:47:55,600
Speaker 1: what is the percent of second marriages that end? I

944
00:47:55,600 --> 00:47:59,799
Speaker 1: don't know, but I wonder if it's like last it's

945
00:47:59,800 --> 00:48:03,640
Speaker 1: not the bit I don't know the answer that must be,

946
00:48:03,719 --> 00:48:06,120
Speaker 1: but it's it's true, like he's gonna, he's gonna, let

947
00:48:06,200 --> 00:48:10,560
Speaker 1: us know. Googling this wondering proposed law, I think a

948
00:48:10,560 --> 00:48:13,759
Speaker 1: lot of people would hold on the second marriage wouldn't better.

949
00:48:13,960 --> 00:48:25,600
Speaker 1: You like it, and you can't time from you and

950
00:48:25,640 --> 00:48:28,200
Speaker 1: you've said some dumb things over the course of podcast,

951
00:48:28,239 --> 00:48:31,600
Speaker 1: but because I was quoting you all those other times.

952
00:48:31,760 --> 00:48:35,760
Speaker 1: All right, here we go. Fifty percent of first marriages,

953
00:48:36,520 --> 00:48:41,600
Speaker 1: sixty seven percent of second, seventy four percent of third marriages,

954
00:48:41,960 --> 00:48:47,880
Speaker 1: and in divorce. Second marriages have difficulty for a number

955
00:48:47,920 --> 00:48:53,160
Speaker 1: of reasons. See once the person. Once a person discovers

956
00:48:53,200 --> 00:48:55,399
Speaker 1: that he or she can manage divorce, they are less

957
00:48:55,400 --> 00:48:57,799
Speaker 1: scared of going through it again. It makes sense, right,

958
00:48:57,800 --> 00:49:00,719
Speaker 1: because it's it's and then you're sitting up. But you're

959
00:49:00,719 --> 00:49:03,239
Speaker 1: sitting up at the altar the third time. You're like, hey,

960
00:49:03,239 --> 00:49:05,000
Speaker 1: if this doesn't work, I've gotten rid of two more.

961
00:49:05,040 --> 00:49:07,080
Speaker 1: It's an easy thing you do, right, And you're thinking

962
00:49:12,040 --> 00:49:15,480
Speaker 1: it's just a car wash, and you're just sometimes people

963
00:49:15,520 --> 00:49:17,600
Speaker 1: get married the second time to not be alone, right,

964
00:49:18,160 --> 00:49:22,440
Speaker 1: short suit and that and that doesn't last very long. Um, well,

965
00:49:22,520 --> 00:49:25,920
Speaker 1: you guys are as four or five weddings in your

966
00:49:31,120 --> 00:49:45,359
Speaker 1: first week recycling White Peter. Okay, let's talk about the book.

967
00:49:45,360 --> 00:49:48,279
Speaker 1: The book is called Our Happy Divorce, How Ending our

968
00:49:48,320 --> 00:49:52,319
Speaker 1: marriage brought us together? Um, what can people find in

969
00:49:52,320 --> 00:49:54,280
Speaker 1: this book? And then where can they find this book?

970
00:49:55,440 --> 00:49:58,719
Speaker 1: Your story? Yeah, it's basically our story, and we sort

971
00:49:58,719 --> 00:50:02,160
Speaker 1: of took a attack of this sort of if you've

972
00:50:02,160 --> 00:50:05,320
Speaker 1: ever watched the show The Affairs where we alternate chapters

973
00:50:05,360 --> 00:50:08,040
Speaker 1: and it's a lot of it's around like the coffee

974
00:50:08,040 --> 00:50:10,880
Speaker 1: shop meeting, it would be my perspective and what I

975
00:50:10,880 --> 00:50:13,560
Speaker 1: did before. And then then Nikki kind of chimes in

976
00:50:13,800 --> 00:50:15,480
Speaker 1: on what she was expecting, what she was feeling when

977
00:50:15,520 --> 00:50:18,080
Speaker 1: I called her and asked her for coffee. Um, and

978
00:50:18,080 --> 00:50:20,160
Speaker 1: then the beautiful thing is, look, this thing is four

979
00:50:20,239 --> 00:50:24,400
Speaker 1: years in the making, right we start. I got her convinced.

980
00:50:24,400 --> 00:50:26,279
Speaker 1: I convinced her to write this book four years in

981
00:50:26,320 --> 00:50:29,840
Speaker 1: the making, and plenty of times I told him to stop.

982
00:50:30,200 --> 00:50:33,040
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I mean she she could. There was those

983
00:50:33,080 --> 00:50:34,799
Speaker 1: of us who might buy one. You didn't put it

984
00:50:34,880 --> 00:50:37,799
Speaker 1: up your but we would get in a fight, and

985
00:50:37,840 --> 00:50:39,560
Speaker 1: she said, I'm not doing your f and book and

986
00:50:39,600 --> 00:50:42,000
Speaker 1: you can shove it up you know where. So as

987
00:50:42,000 --> 00:50:44,040
Speaker 1: soon as it got out of you know where, we

988
00:50:44,160 --> 00:50:47,600
Speaker 1: finally wrote it. And then at that time, actually the

989
00:50:47,640 --> 00:50:51,160
Speaker 1: relationship gotten better and the modern family sort of evolved.

990
00:50:51,200 --> 00:50:53,759
Speaker 1: So we brought Chad and uh not into it, and

991
00:50:53,760 --> 00:50:56,080
Speaker 1: they wrote a chapter two and so they have a

992
00:50:56,160 --> 00:50:58,480
Speaker 1: chapter and then Asher put the ball on it at

993
00:50:58,480 --> 00:51:01,120
Speaker 1: the end, which just a beauty And actually it is

994
00:51:01,239 --> 00:51:08,719
Speaker 1: his essay, uh that he wrote, I'm crying what guys,

995
00:51:10,640 --> 00:51:18,560
Speaker 1: cherryot come I used to cry that. Come on? He

996
00:51:18,640 --> 00:51:20,440
Speaker 1: wrote on our family thank you you could say so

997
00:51:20,480 --> 00:51:23,360
Speaker 1: he wrote it was about people you admire and he

998
00:51:23,520 --> 00:51:25,440
Speaker 1: or person that your meire and so he wrote his

999
00:51:25,719 --> 00:51:28,040
Speaker 1: unevoked you know, we didn't convince him to do it.

1000
00:51:28,040 --> 00:51:29,960
Speaker 1: He wrote it on his own. And he said his

1001
00:51:30,000 --> 00:51:32,920
Speaker 1: parents for what they did so so cool. He was

1002
00:51:32,960 --> 00:51:38,600
Speaker 1: like my dad's first attorney. So where can people find

1003
00:51:38,600 --> 00:51:39,960
Speaker 1: the book? When does the book come out? We can

1004
00:51:40,000 --> 00:51:43,040
Speaker 1: pre order on Amazon. Uh, it's called Our Happy Divorce

1005
00:51:43,200 --> 00:51:46,360
Speaker 1: or Mascot books dot Com under our Happy Divorce. And

1006
00:51:46,680 --> 00:51:49,319
Speaker 1: it's probably easier because everybody does the prime and uh,

1007
00:51:49,440 --> 00:51:53,160
Speaker 1: you know social media everything in Amazon are Happy Divorce

1008
00:51:53,200 --> 00:51:55,600
Speaker 1: dot Com. Because what we're really trying to do is

1009
00:51:56,360 --> 00:51:59,200
Speaker 1: this isn't about us. You know, we understand, we're humble

1010
00:51:59,280 --> 00:52:01,000
Speaker 1: enough to realize that we're not the only people in

1011
00:52:01,040 --> 00:52:03,920
Speaker 1: this world that are doing the thing right. But hopefully,

1012
00:52:04,040 --> 00:52:06,760
Speaker 1: and and and what I see today on social media

1013
00:52:06,800 --> 00:52:08,520
Speaker 1: is that there there are plenty of people doing this.

1014
00:52:08,600 --> 00:52:11,239
Speaker 1: So let's let's let's try to change the conversation. Well,

1015
00:52:11,280 --> 00:52:13,399
Speaker 1: let's try to you know, we know that our way

1016
00:52:13,520 --> 00:52:15,760
Speaker 1: wasn't the only way. Like you know, there are people

1017
00:52:15,760 --> 00:52:18,480
Speaker 1: who done did it other ways, but they evolved approach

1018
00:52:18,560 --> 00:52:21,200
Speaker 1: to it. Yeah, I mean it's not like we understand,

1019
00:52:21,239 --> 00:52:24,120
Speaker 1: we're not experts and that not not everybody's gonna end up.

1020
00:52:24,560 --> 00:52:26,759
Speaker 1: And also reality and everybody's gonna end up going to

1021
00:52:27,040 --> 00:52:29,080
Speaker 1: Africa with their ex wife for you know, hang out,

1022
00:52:29,080 --> 00:52:31,640
Speaker 1: go to UFCS with her husband, fights with her husband,

1023
00:52:31,760 --> 00:52:34,440
Speaker 1: and you know, Nadia and Nikki are best friends. You know,

1024
00:52:34,520 --> 00:52:36,240
Speaker 1: they call each other. It started off as ex wife

1025
00:52:36,239 --> 00:52:38,760
Speaker 1: call each other ex wife, then evolved his sister wives

1026
00:52:38,760 --> 00:52:40,400
Speaker 1: and now they just call each other wives. You know.

1027
00:52:40,400 --> 00:52:42,160
Speaker 1: So we know that not everybody's gonna end up like that,

1028
00:52:42,600 --> 00:52:45,399
Speaker 1: but there are different degrees of that. And as long

1029
00:52:45,440 --> 00:52:47,200
Speaker 1: as you can put the kids first, and you can

1030
00:52:47,239 --> 00:52:49,440
Speaker 1: put all your nonsense and check your ego and all

1031
00:52:49,440 --> 00:52:51,120
Speaker 1: that other stuff, put on your big boy pants, you

1032
00:52:51,160 --> 00:52:53,960
Speaker 1: know it's time. You know, thank you guys so much.

1033
00:52:54,480 --> 00:52:57,880
Speaker 1: Anything to add now Van seems to take over the

1034
00:52:57,920 --> 00:53:03,560
Speaker 1: mic times it's hard to get a word and edge

1035
00:53:03,560 --> 00:53:11,200
Speaker 1: with Ben never saw Mike I didn't like no. I

1036
00:53:11,200 --> 00:53:14,640
Speaker 1: wrote a song for this particularly. I can't see why

1037
00:53:14,719 --> 00:53:19,920
Speaker 1: you two didn't work out alright, Thank you both so much.

1038
00:53:20,000 --> 00:53:22,320
Speaker 1: The book is called Our Happy Divorce by Nikki to

1039
00:53:22,360 --> 00:53:24,759
Speaker 1: Bartolo and Benjamin health fond. Thank you guys so much

1040
00:53:24,800 --> 00:53:35,640
Speaker 1: for sharing your thank you. Thank you Wow, that was awesome,

1041
00:53:35,719 --> 00:53:40,640
Speaker 1: Nicki and ben what a what an evolution? What what

1042
00:53:40,800 --> 00:53:44,040
Speaker 1: a the grace and poised to have a happy divorce?

1043
00:53:44,080 --> 00:53:46,279
Speaker 1: Pick up the book Our Happy Divorce even hanging with

1044
00:53:46,280 --> 00:53:48,839
Speaker 1: the new husband and the new husband here to Chad here.

1045
00:53:49,320 --> 00:53:51,680
Speaker 1: I don't know that I could have ever get if

1046
00:53:51,680 --> 00:53:53,600
Speaker 1: I was in that situation. Hopefully I'm not, but ever

1047
00:53:53,680 --> 00:53:57,520
Speaker 1: get to that. So kudos to those two. Um, anybody

1048
00:53:57,560 --> 00:54:01,279
Speaker 1: listening in our in our community. That is an exceptional

1049
00:54:01,320 --> 00:54:06,000
Speaker 1: model for peace, peaceful agreement after divorce. And you brought

1050
00:54:06,080 --> 00:54:08,200
Speaker 1: up something during their interview that I wanted to ask

1051
00:54:08,239 --> 00:54:10,120
Speaker 1: all of you about that I thought was kind of interesting.

1052
00:54:10,800 --> 00:54:12,880
Speaker 1: You said you are not in touch with any of

1053
00:54:12,880 --> 00:54:17,359
Speaker 1: your exes. I don't have any excess amy, he has

1054
00:54:17,480 --> 00:54:25,880
Speaker 1: zero history. Because I thought I'm in touch with I

1055
00:54:25,920 --> 00:54:29,200
Speaker 1: thought you're gonna so I don't think I have Let's

1056
00:54:29,200 --> 00:54:34,280
Speaker 1: say I have let's say have ten and the couple

1057
00:54:34,360 --> 00:54:37,319
Speaker 1: that I don't talk to on a regular basis, it

1058
00:54:37,520 --> 00:54:40,440
Speaker 1: kills me that I don't talk to them. I don't know.

1059
00:54:40,840 --> 00:54:42,360
Speaker 1: That's why I wanted to talk to you guys about it.

1060
00:54:42,400 --> 00:54:46,319
Speaker 1: And the ex is that I am close with. I

1061
00:54:46,360 --> 00:54:49,840
Speaker 1: probably talked to you every week, maybe once a month.

1062
00:54:53,280 --> 00:54:56,080
Speaker 1: Handled your contact with all your excess? No issue? So

1063
00:54:56,120 --> 00:54:57,640
Speaker 1: that's why I wanted to ask you guys, like, are

1064
00:54:57,680 --> 00:55:01,520
Speaker 1: you sure there's no issue? Positive? Pause a tip positive?

1065
00:55:02,480 --> 00:55:06,920
Speaker 1: So she's so I want to do all of you

1066
00:55:07,040 --> 00:55:10,719
Speaker 1: not But I'm not married, So I wanted to see

1067
00:55:10,719 --> 00:55:13,400
Speaker 1: you do not keep in touch with any excess. I

1068
00:55:13,440 --> 00:55:15,840
Speaker 1: think because the fact that you're not married means that,

1069
00:55:15,920 --> 00:55:18,200
Speaker 1: of course, like you're not date, you're not in a

1070
00:55:18,280 --> 00:55:21,560
Speaker 1: relationship too, So who's who? Thank you? Y, that's not true.

1071
00:55:23,360 --> 00:55:26,840
Speaker 1: Who's gonna gets in a relationship? Not in a relationship.

1072
00:55:26,880 --> 00:55:30,160
Speaker 1: If I'm in a relationship, I still talk to the excess.

1073
00:55:30,200 --> 00:55:32,600
Speaker 1: I've been in many relationships where I'm still talking to excess.

1074
00:55:32,680 --> 00:55:35,920
Speaker 1: So how dare you? But second of all, you have

1075
00:55:36,000 --> 00:55:37,799
Speaker 1: you ever been in a relationship? Have you ever been

1076
00:55:37,800 --> 00:55:39,799
Speaker 1: a relationship that made you feel like you just didn't

1077
00:55:39,840 --> 00:55:42,319
Speaker 1: want to talk to any of your other exes, and

1078
00:55:42,680 --> 00:55:44,799
Speaker 1: since you haven't been in a relationship that made you

1079
00:55:44,800 --> 00:55:46,839
Speaker 1: not want to talk to any of them, was that,

1080
00:55:47,160 --> 00:55:53,040
Speaker 1: in essence, your heart telling you that you weren't being fulfilled? No, okay,

1081
00:55:53,080 --> 00:55:59,200
Speaker 1: great question, Thank you. I believe that you. And again,

1082
00:55:59,200 --> 00:56:01,000
Speaker 1: I'm not married to all the married people can like

1083
00:56:01,120 --> 00:56:05,400
Speaker 1: yell at me, but I feel super fulfilled in a

1084
00:56:05,440 --> 00:56:11,759
Speaker 1: relationship and I am like all in everything and I'm

1085
00:56:11,960 --> 00:56:15,280
Speaker 1: super happy. But I think the rest of my life

1086
00:56:15,360 --> 00:56:19,719
Speaker 1: is also fulfills me too, and I'm not willing to

1087
00:56:20,239 --> 00:56:23,879
Speaker 1: no matter how much I love someone, I'm still those

1088
00:56:23,880 --> 00:56:27,160
Speaker 1: friendships are really important to me, really, and I don't

1089
00:56:27,200 --> 00:56:29,960
Speaker 1: feel bad about that. I'm I'm friends Like my wife

1090
00:56:29,960 --> 00:56:32,120
Speaker 1: and I we both were both friends with our ex

1091
00:56:32,239 --> 00:56:34,320
Speaker 1: is like on Facebook and stuff, and like I don't

1092
00:56:34,480 --> 00:56:37,239
Speaker 1: call him and talk every week at all, but she doesn't, like,

1093
00:56:37,320 --> 00:56:39,520
Speaker 1: do you the same? But we're friends with him on Facebook?

1094
00:56:39,560 --> 00:56:42,279
Speaker 1: Like it doesn't. I'm extremely secure in our relationship. Listen,

1095
00:56:42,320 --> 00:56:43,759
Speaker 1: if if one of us wanted to be with one

1096
00:56:43,760 --> 00:56:46,080
Speaker 1: of them, then we would have been. So I have

1097
00:56:46,160 --> 00:56:49,560
Speaker 1: no problem keeping a you know, a like a friendship

1098
00:56:49,560 --> 00:56:51,120
Speaker 1: like that open. I don't think there's anything wrong. You

1099
00:56:51,120 --> 00:56:54,439
Speaker 1: ever bought your wife's acts a plot of land five

1100
00:56:54,480 --> 00:57:00,799
Speaker 1: houses down and I was gonna I've been married so long.

1101
00:57:00,880 --> 00:57:04,920
Speaker 1: I don't even know who my ex is. It's actually

1102
00:57:04,920 --> 00:57:07,680
Speaker 1: not joking, like, do you have any I don't think so.

1103
00:57:07,800 --> 00:57:10,439
Speaker 1: I don't know where they are, so I I can't

1104
00:57:12,160 --> 00:57:16,800
Speaker 1: like so I would say, I would say, like, and

1105
00:57:16,840 --> 00:57:19,200
Speaker 1: I'm just well, maybe people can email us men at

1106
00:57:19,200 --> 00:57:23,200
Speaker 1: iHeart Radio because I'm so curious about this. So, especially

1107
00:57:23,200 --> 00:57:26,840
Speaker 1: when I'm having a hard time in a relationship, I

1108
00:57:26,920 --> 00:57:30,640
Speaker 1: really do lean on those x is for advice, and

1109
00:57:30,680 --> 00:57:35,080
Speaker 1: a lot of people are like about that. Maybe that's

1110
00:57:35,080 --> 00:57:37,600
Speaker 1: why you always call me and you're like, this is

1111
00:57:37,640 --> 00:57:40,240
Speaker 1: going on in my life. I'm a tragic mass because

1112
00:57:40,240 --> 00:57:42,400
Speaker 1: you've got ten exes in your life, giving you ten

1113
00:57:42,400 --> 00:57:46,760
Speaker 1: different Back to the Amy Show, but I just wanted

1114
00:57:46,760 --> 00:57:52,160
Speaker 1: to I think those are the conversations you need to

1115
00:57:52,200 --> 00:57:57,640
Speaker 1: be having with your current boyfriend, calling your ten x

1116
00:57:57,720 --> 00:58:00,439
Speaker 1: is and asking their advice on what you should say

1117
00:58:00,480 --> 00:58:02,880
Speaker 1: to your current boyfriend. You need to have the conversation

1118
00:58:02,960 --> 00:58:06,360
Speaker 1: directly with that person, and that's the route I think

1119
00:58:06,360 --> 00:58:08,200
Speaker 1: you should call me. I'll tell you what to say.

1120
00:58:08,520 --> 00:58:15,120
Speaker 1: That's also an option. I don't I can't even honestly,

1121
00:58:15,200 --> 00:58:18,080
Speaker 1: I can't even understand or fathom this. And this is

1122
00:58:18,160 --> 00:58:20,360
Speaker 1: just me. This isn't saying this is right or wrong.

1123
00:58:20,400 --> 00:58:24,680
Speaker 1: And I'm not giving advice to anybody but myself. I

1124
00:58:24,720 --> 00:58:28,200
Speaker 1: don't feel like having that be a current part of

1125
00:58:28,240 --> 00:58:31,880
Speaker 1: my life anymore while I'm married to my wife. I

1126
00:58:31,920 --> 00:58:34,360
Speaker 1: don't see value in it. That's just me, and that's

1127
00:58:34,480 --> 00:58:37,160
Speaker 1: that's She's not requested that. She hasn't said you can't

1128
00:58:37,160 --> 00:58:41,000
Speaker 1: talk to anybody. That's just me personally. Yeah, I think

1129
00:58:41,000 --> 00:58:44,919
Speaker 1: it's interesting conversation. But you do have female friends. Yeah,

1130
00:58:44,920 --> 00:58:47,120
Speaker 1: I have female friends. That's actually one thing that I

1131
00:58:47,160 --> 00:58:50,360
Speaker 1: love about being married is that my friendships with with

1132
00:58:50,600 --> 00:58:54,040
Speaker 1: females has grown immensely. Because sometimes I would be friends

1133
00:58:54,040 --> 00:58:55,800
Speaker 1: with a girl and she would think that I was

1134
00:58:56,000 --> 00:58:57,960
Speaker 1: interested in her, and then it would get awkward or

1135
00:58:57,960 --> 00:59:00,520
Speaker 1: something in her. But now that i'm may read, everybody

1136
00:59:00,520 --> 00:59:01,960
Speaker 1: knows that I'm married. I love my wife, and so

1137
00:59:02,120 --> 00:59:05,400
Speaker 1: my friendships with women, with women in my life, like

1138
00:59:05,440 --> 00:59:07,640
Speaker 1: friends in my life, have blossomed well. And I'm sure

1139
00:59:07,680 --> 00:59:09,880
Speaker 1: you could probably be more open to them in having

1140
00:59:09,880 --> 00:59:12,440
Speaker 1: whatever you're talking about, you know, and because you're already

1141
00:59:12,440 --> 00:59:16,560
Speaker 1: securing your relationship with your wife, makes that relationship more

1142
00:59:16,640 --> 00:59:20,760
Speaker 1: valuable and more open. Ryan, do you have friends that

1143
00:59:20,840 --> 00:59:24,640
Speaker 1: are women other than me? He's in a hair club.

1144
00:59:24,680 --> 00:59:28,040
Speaker 1: I'm not allowed. Of course I didn't. Yeah, I'm not allowed.

1145
00:59:28,080 --> 00:59:34,560
Speaker 1: But the salon all the time. I get me with

1146
00:59:34,600 --> 00:59:38,040
Speaker 1: this man here with those dryers over your head, stick

1147
00:59:38,080 --> 00:59:42,000
Speaker 1: to box jumps and let the comedy come from us

1148
00:59:42,960 --> 00:59:47,280
Speaker 1: where No. I actually, as much as I hate to

1149
00:59:47,280 --> 00:59:50,440
Speaker 1: admit it, I agree with Brooks in the sense that

1150
00:59:50,600 --> 00:59:55,200
Speaker 1: I my X before my wife, that chapter was that chapter,

1151
00:59:55,280 --> 00:59:58,959
Speaker 1: and when I met my wife it was I didn't

1152
00:59:59,000 --> 01:00:03,000
Speaker 1: want there to be any potential sign of disrespect by

1153
01:00:03,040 --> 01:00:07,080
Speaker 1: me continuing to speak to someone so as to convey

1154
01:00:07,120 --> 01:00:11,360
Speaker 1: that I'm not all in on this. And by the way,

1155
01:00:10,160 --> 01:00:16,520
Speaker 1: what also what also comes into play here is how

1156
01:00:16,640 --> 01:00:20,360
Speaker 1: things ended with your ex if it if it ended amicably,

1157
01:00:20,560 --> 01:00:24,240
Speaker 1: and it was a mutual thing. In my ex's case,

1158
01:00:24,680 --> 01:00:27,600
Speaker 1: it did not amicably, So it was a no brainer.

1159
01:00:27,680 --> 01:00:29,520
Speaker 1: I was not going to continue a conversation. So here's

1160
01:00:29,520 --> 01:00:31,800
Speaker 1: my question on that. And maybe Gavin has an opinion

1161
01:00:31,840 --> 01:00:34,080
Speaker 1: because he seems to take my side a lot. So

1162
01:00:34,360 --> 01:00:38,680
Speaker 1: I literally was in love with someone for a year,

1163
01:00:39,240 --> 01:00:42,600
Speaker 1: maybe even little more. Every day. They were my number

1164
01:00:42,640 --> 01:00:47,280
Speaker 1: one top priority every day everything. But I still talked

1165
01:00:47,320 --> 01:00:50,959
Speaker 1: to my ex who I'm super close with, all the time.

1166
01:00:51,240 --> 01:00:56,040
Speaker 1: I wasn't attracted to him. I wasn't like anything attraction

1167
01:00:56,120 --> 01:01:00,800
Speaker 1: off like that like a switch. Interesting question. I can

1168
01:01:00,880 --> 01:01:04,040
Speaker 1: only be attracted to one person at a time, and

1169
01:01:04,120 --> 01:01:07,280
Speaker 1: when I'm into that one person, it's like I don't

1170
01:01:07,320 --> 01:01:10,520
Speaker 1: see anybody else. And then when it's when that ends

1171
01:01:10,640 --> 01:01:13,720
Speaker 1: or whatever, and it's someone else, then it's them. And

1172
01:01:13,760 --> 01:01:16,080
Speaker 1: the other day even was like looking at this someone

1173
01:01:16,160 --> 01:01:18,280
Speaker 1: I used to think, was like I was so attracted

1174
01:01:18,320 --> 01:01:20,280
Speaker 1: to him, I was like, could I just be attracted

1175
01:01:20,280 --> 01:01:22,000
Speaker 1: to him again? Can I just be attracted to him again?

1176
01:01:23,000 --> 01:01:26,000
Speaker 1: So let me ask you this question very simply, why

1177
01:01:26,360 --> 01:01:29,280
Speaker 1: do you need to have contact with your exes? What

1178
01:01:29,400 --> 01:01:31,840
Speaker 1: purpose in your life does that fulfill? I'm not saying

1179
01:01:31,840 --> 01:01:35,760
Speaker 1: it's wrong, just asking why. Tons I mean I have

1180
01:01:36,920 --> 01:01:40,360
Speaker 1: when I talked to all the time, work stuff, friendship,

1181
01:01:40,600 --> 01:01:45,080
Speaker 1: advice can tap into friendship. This is my new shot question.

1182
01:01:46,160 --> 01:01:49,400
Speaker 1: What constitutes an ex Exactly? How much time are you

1183
01:01:49,480 --> 01:01:54,600
Speaker 1: with them for it to be considered legitimate enough to

1184
01:01:54,760 --> 01:02:01,320
Speaker 1: keep in touch? With an X how much time years?

1185
01:02:01,360 --> 01:02:04,919
Speaker 1: But I want to say like a month, a little

1186
01:02:04,960 --> 01:02:08,720
Speaker 1: bit of a it wasn't a mic drop, it was

1187
01:02:08,760 --> 01:02:14,000
Speaker 1: a good job. Brother. Maybe you're still in the hot seat.

1188
01:02:14,000 --> 01:02:19,440
Speaker 1: Get that mike back. So his question is very valid,

1189
01:02:19,520 --> 01:02:22,320
Speaker 1: like what constitutes an X? How much time did you

1190
01:02:22,360 --> 01:02:29,200
Speaker 1: have to date? And then how much time apart I

1191
01:02:29,320 --> 01:02:32,120
Speaker 1: need to I mean, I think like a true X,

1192
01:02:32,160 --> 01:02:34,600
Speaker 1: if you're saying that's my ex girlfriend or boyfriend, I

1193
01:02:34,600 --> 01:02:37,760
Speaker 1: think that definitely has to be one year, you know,

1194
01:02:37,840 --> 01:02:40,040
Speaker 1: I think six months. You could do that also, but

1195
01:02:40,080 --> 01:02:44,200
Speaker 1: then it's like six months, isn't you know it's your

1196
01:02:44,400 --> 01:02:48,040
Speaker 1: X but not an x X. I think four if

1197
01:02:48,080 --> 01:02:51,680
Speaker 1: it includes a holiday season, but maybe eight if you're

1198
01:02:51,720 --> 01:02:56,280
Speaker 1: not hitting any real holidays. I always counted if if

1199
01:02:56,320 --> 01:02:58,080
Speaker 1: we just brushed our hands against each other, that was

1200
01:02:58,360 --> 01:03:00,480
Speaker 1: I have a very hard time, Okay, I canna answer

1201
01:03:00,520 --> 01:03:05,240
Speaker 1: your question, you guys. I have a hard time if

1202
01:03:05,280 --> 01:03:09,320
Speaker 1: someone comes into my life and they're important, whatever that means,

1203
01:03:09,600 --> 01:03:13,280
Speaker 1: they're important in some way letting that go. I almost

1204
01:03:13,280 --> 01:03:15,840
Speaker 1: cannot do it. Well. See, I think you're a very

1205
01:03:15,840 --> 01:03:19,200
Speaker 1: loyal person. Amy's a very loyal person. Friendship and all

1206
01:03:19,200 --> 01:03:21,720
Speaker 1: of that. So I I understand what you're saying. You're

1207
01:03:21,760 --> 01:03:24,439
Speaker 1: you're you know, you don't just like have a bunch

1208
01:03:24,440 --> 01:03:26,360
Speaker 1: of friends that you're not loyalty. So when you have

1209
01:03:26,400 --> 01:03:28,160
Speaker 1: an X, I understand you wanting to keep them in

1210
01:03:28,200 --> 01:03:30,600
Speaker 1: your life because they're still important to you, just because

1211
01:03:30,640 --> 01:03:33,920
Speaker 1: you've moved on, whether it be being attracted to them

1212
01:03:34,000 --> 01:03:36,640
Speaker 1: or whatever, emotionally or physically. I can see why you

1213
01:03:36,640 --> 01:03:39,160
Speaker 1: still want them. I can't do it. It's like letting

1214
01:03:39,160 --> 01:03:44,280
Speaker 1: that person go is just have you have has your

1215
01:03:44,320 --> 01:03:47,520
Speaker 1: current or past boyfriends ever brought that up and say,

1216
01:03:47,720 --> 01:03:49,360
Speaker 1: I think it's a little weird amy that you're talking

1217
01:03:49,400 --> 01:03:52,040
Speaker 1: to that guy that you dated for six months. Have

1218
01:03:52,120 --> 01:03:54,640
Speaker 1: any of the ex still happens? Weird that you're contacting

1219
01:03:54,680 --> 01:04:00,400
Speaker 1: them while you're dating somebody because I still have feelings

1220
01:04:00,600 --> 01:04:03,640
Speaker 1: about the girlfriend or something like they're maybe they're married

1221
01:04:03,920 --> 01:04:06,320
Speaker 1: and they're like there their spouses, Like why is this

1222
01:04:06,440 --> 01:04:08,560
Speaker 1: ex still contact? Did you ever get an email that

1223
01:04:08,640 --> 01:04:12,920
Speaker 1: was like, hey, stop talking to my boyfriend. Never just

1224
01:04:12,960 --> 01:04:16,880
Speaker 1: said don't come to this pediatrician anymore? This is really

1225
01:04:17,720 --> 01:04:20,920
Speaker 1: do you always tell your current boyfriend how much? Like

1226
01:04:21,120 --> 01:04:25,360
Speaker 1: truly the questions truly how much you do talk to

1227
01:04:25,400 --> 01:04:28,520
Speaker 1: your axes or do you keep that from him? I

1228
01:04:28,560 --> 01:04:31,640
Speaker 1: don't keep anything from like if I'm dating someone, I

1229
01:04:31,680 --> 01:04:35,000
Speaker 1: don't keep anything. I might not like volunteer so much

1230
01:04:35,040 --> 01:04:37,600
Speaker 1: because I can be a little bit of like too much,

1231
01:04:37,640 --> 01:04:39,439
Speaker 1: too fast, you know what I mean. So I try

1232
01:04:39,480 --> 01:04:44,040
Speaker 1: to like chill a little nice to me. Oh my god,

1233
01:04:44,080 --> 01:04:46,160
Speaker 1: I have ten axes, but they're not an issue. So

1234
01:04:46,240 --> 01:04:47,760
Speaker 1: you will come you will come home, and you're like

1235
01:04:47,760 --> 01:04:49,920
Speaker 1: I talked to Ricky, Danny and Bobby today and they

1236
01:04:49,960 --> 01:04:51,880
Speaker 1: all said that I was writing they don't do that.

1237
01:04:53,000 --> 01:04:57,280
Speaker 1: Maybe can I ask you this question? This is serious question, Um,

1238
01:04:57,480 --> 01:04:59,400
Speaker 1: do you believe that in your life you have enough

1239
01:04:59,520 --> 01:05:02,280
Speaker 1: space for all of these people to have them? You

1240
01:05:02,320 --> 01:05:04,600
Speaker 1: really do have to have a love of your life

1241
01:05:04,640 --> 01:05:07,920
Speaker 1: and then ten even just call it five, but ten ten,

1242
01:05:07,960 --> 01:05:12,040
Speaker 1: it's probably it's like three. Let's three. But because I

1243
01:05:12,080 --> 01:05:14,280
Speaker 1: don't believe that I have, I believe in my life

1244
01:05:14,280 --> 01:05:16,800
Speaker 1: I only have a certain amount of space. I actually

1245
01:05:17,120 --> 01:05:21,040
Speaker 1: respect that, but totally disagree with it, because that's like

1246
01:05:21,200 --> 01:05:24,280
Speaker 1: saying Dmitri only has love for three kids. He has four,

1247
01:05:24,520 --> 01:05:26,560
Speaker 1: and he loves them all the same. Your heart just

1248
01:05:26,600 --> 01:05:28,959
Speaker 1: like grows. He just loves each one a little less.

1249
01:05:30,480 --> 01:05:32,840
Speaker 1: That's how you make me. No, that's not the issue.

1250
01:05:32,840 --> 01:05:37,640
Speaker 1: I have the space and the love knowing you. I

1251
01:05:37,680 --> 01:05:39,960
Speaker 1: see that you have space for more people. You have

1252
01:05:39,960 --> 01:05:41,840
Speaker 1: a capacity to handle more people in your life and

1253
01:05:42,160 --> 01:05:45,280
Speaker 1: be engaged in those relationships than I do. When I

1254
01:05:45,320 --> 01:05:47,880
Speaker 1: meet somebody or have somebody that makes an impact or

1255
01:05:47,880 --> 01:05:53,160
Speaker 1: they're important and I lose them, that whole is so brutal. Why,

1256
01:05:53,600 --> 01:05:56,760
Speaker 1: I don't know, is it? Do you feel like you failed? Yes,

1257
01:05:57,400 --> 01:06:00,680
Speaker 1: you didn't. Though sometimes sometimes things are just single s

1258
01:06:00,920 --> 01:06:02,720
Speaker 1: like they're serving for a period of time and then

1259
01:06:02,760 --> 01:06:04,320
Speaker 1: you move on to another period. I mean, I hear

1260
01:06:04,320 --> 01:06:08,360
Speaker 1: people say that I cannot handle that. M you want

1261
01:06:08,360 --> 01:06:13,600
Speaker 1: a pet Buddy. He has a dog named Buddy in

1262
01:06:13,640 --> 01:06:19,800
Speaker 1: the studio. I know I can like handle it and

1263
01:06:19,840 --> 01:06:26,320
Speaker 1: like like I don't get better, but yeah, it's it's

1264
01:06:26,360 --> 01:06:30,120
Speaker 1: like guts me. I actually admire that because I feel like,

1265
01:06:30,120 --> 01:06:32,920
Speaker 1: because I feel like this is there's things that happened

1266
01:06:32,960 --> 01:06:35,680
Speaker 1: for a reason, and even if like for example, so

1267
01:06:35,720 --> 01:06:39,480
Speaker 1: let's say I'm in love with somebody and then it changes,

1268
01:06:39,640 --> 01:06:42,960
Speaker 1: it doesn't work out how I originally wanted it. I'll

1269
01:06:43,000 --> 01:06:45,680
Speaker 1: do everything I can because I still think that person

1270
01:06:45,800 --> 01:06:49,600
Speaker 1: came to me for a reason. So even if it's like, okay,

1271
01:06:49,880 --> 01:06:51,440
Speaker 1: I have to like I hate this word, but like

1272
01:06:51,520 --> 01:06:58,560
Speaker 1: pivot the relationship to being just friends. I will do

1273
01:06:58,640 --> 01:07:02,480
Speaker 1: that because the person is more important to me than

1274
01:07:02,560 --> 01:07:05,480
Speaker 1: what I wanted from it. Do you also believe in

1275
01:07:05,520 --> 01:07:09,000
Speaker 1: just letting go? No, like just also just love, Like

1276
01:07:09,280 --> 01:07:12,200
Speaker 1: sometimes it needs to be a mindset. No, I didn't

1277
01:07:12,240 --> 01:07:14,720
Speaker 1: say past now I was gonna say I think one

1278
01:07:14,880 --> 01:07:17,160
Speaker 1: one thing, Amy, Like, do you ever feel like you're

1279
01:07:17,280 --> 01:07:21,800
Speaker 1: investing too much in yourself too quickly, too early in

1280
01:07:21,800 --> 01:07:23,640
Speaker 1: in any relationship. I mean, like, I know you love

1281
01:07:23,720 --> 01:07:26,640
Speaker 1: to have all these people in your life, whether it's

1282
01:07:27,200 --> 01:07:30,200
Speaker 1: whether it's physical or there's attraction or not an attraction,

1283
01:07:30,520 --> 01:07:33,640
Speaker 1: but like you're so far invested into Brooks's point. I

1284
01:07:33,680 --> 01:07:35,840
Speaker 1: think it's a good quality that you have, but I

1285
01:07:35,880 --> 01:07:38,440
Speaker 1: think it's sometimes you get put into this spot or

1286
01:07:38,480 --> 01:07:42,400
Speaker 1: you're putting yourself into the spot where you get hurt,

1287
01:07:43,080 --> 01:07:45,520
Speaker 1: you know, And I think that you invest so much

1288
01:07:45,560 --> 01:07:49,360
Speaker 1: into that person or relationship that whether it happens after

1289
01:07:49,440 --> 01:07:51,600
Speaker 1: six months, a year, or like a week and a half,

1290
01:07:51,640 --> 01:07:55,200
Speaker 1: in time, you're walking away from that, are pivoting and

1291
01:07:55,280 --> 01:07:59,080
Speaker 1: you're like completely shattered. And but I don't think she

1292
01:07:59,160 --> 01:08:01,840
Speaker 1: has to change that because I'd rather have the hurt.

1293
01:08:02,120 --> 01:08:07,160
Speaker 1: That's that's happen. Eventually, Eventually she will give because look,

1294
01:08:07,200 --> 01:08:09,400
Speaker 1: if she dials that back how much she gives to people,

1295
01:08:09,600 --> 01:08:12,080
Speaker 1: then she may miss the person that's the correct person

1296
01:08:12,120 --> 01:08:14,240
Speaker 1: to receive that. She'll say, I gotta not give so much,

1297
01:08:14,280 --> 01:08:15,760
Speaker 1: and it's some guy that really needs that much or

1298
01:08:15,760 --> 01:08:17,720
Speaker 1: wants that much will be like, oh, well, she you know,

1299
01:08:17,800 --> 01:08:19,400
Speaker 1: and then it's not going to connect there. I guess

1300
01:08:19,439 --> 01:08:23,320
Speaker 1: what I'm saying also is like treading lightly into a relationship,

1301
01:08:23,520 --> 01:08:26,880
Speaker 1: you know, and not just jumping full bore into it.

1302
01:08:26,880 --> 01:08:33,000
Speaker 1: It's not her personality type, Yes it's not. I'm still

1303
01:08:33,040 --> 01:08:35,719
Speaker 1: treading around with all of you guys, except maybe Dmitri

1304
01:08:36,280 --> 01:08:38,799
Speaker 1: where he and I, you know, I mean we're pretty close.

1305
01:08:38,880 --> 01:08:40,680
Speaker 1: But he seemed very direct when you asked to take

1306
01:08:40,720 --> 01:08:46,439
Speaker 1: a shower with me. When was that, dude, I don't remember,

1307
01:08:46,520 --> 01:08:49,240
Speaker 1: but it was down at the dog or is that

1308
01:08:49,240 --> 01:08:56,280
Speaker 1: what you maybe dreamt of wanted to happen? My speedo

1309
01:08:57,760 --> 01:08:59,200
Speaker 1: not to just talk about I know, I want to

1310
01:08:59,200 --> 01:09:01,400
Speaker 1: talk about Rick and av and shower, but I think

1311
01:09:01,400 --> 01:09:04,479
Speaker 1: about Gavin a lot because I think that Gavin, because

1312
01:09:04,520 --> 01:09:08,200
Speaker 1: she has his music, he has that outlet and that

1313
01:09:08,320 --> 01:09:13,320
Speaker 1: connection with that. So the sometimes I think that people

1314
01:09:13,439 --> 01:09:17,320
Speaker 1: really crave that, and I feel jealous of Gavin because

1315
01:09:17,320 --> 01:09:20,320
Speaker 1: he has that that passion in that connection and that

1316
01:09:21,479 --> 01:09:25,479
Speaker 1: puss him up, whereas like sometimes I'm looking for that

1317
01:09:25,880 --> 01:09:29,120
Speaker 1: with someone else. Let's go to karaoke night. We need

1318
01:09:29,160 --> 01:09:36,720
Speaker 1: to carry over. I love it, Hotel California. Yeah, let's

1319
01:09:36,720 --> 01:09:38,960
Speaker 1: go karaoke with a rock star. That's why don't we

1320
01:09:38,960 --> 01:09:43,960
Speaker 1: just play hockey while we sports cars and shoot guns.

1321
01:09:44,000 --> 01:09:46,120
Speaker 1: So new mission, guys. We're also going to do a

1322
01:09:46,160 --> 01:09:50,439
Speaker 1: speed dating in Vegas for Amy. The likelihood of that

1323
01:09:50,600 --> 01:09:52,720
Speaker 1: is so much less than the likelihood of Gavin doing it.

1324
01:09:52,800 --> 01:10:00,040
Speaker 1: So I'm basically saying he that will never happen. A

1325
01:10:00,120 --> 01:10:03,080
Speaker 1: chance can happen in here. I don't think we should

1326
01:10:03,160 --> 01:10:07,680
Speaker 1: be kids. You'll cry after everybody, after each one. I

1327
01:10:12,920 --> 01:10:15,160
Speaker 1: looktracted to people all the time, and it's like, it's

1328
01:10:15,200 --> 01:10:18,280
Speaker 1: so rare. It's so rare when I have that connection,

1329
01:10:18,360 --> 01:10:20,800
Speaker 1: and I think that's why I like hold onto it.

1330
01:10:20,880 --> 01:10:23,080
Speaker 1: We'll just telling me listen, good news, bad news. She's

1331
01:10:23,080 --> 01:10:25,000
Speaker 1: not picking you, but you are now considered an X

1332
01:10:25,000 --> 01:10:31,720
Speaker 1: and she will keep in touch forever past I'd like

1333
01:10:31,760 --> 01:10:37,479
Speaker 1: to hear what our listeners think on this to hurry, yeah,

1334
01:10:37,560 --> 01:10:40,479
Speaker 1: send this email. Because I'm on the other side, I'm like, Okay,

1335
01:10:40,560 --> 01:10:42,280
Speaker 1: that was a chapter of my life. It served me.

1336
01:10:42,320 --> 01:10:44,120
Speaker 1: It got me to where I am now moving on,

1337
01:10:44,520 --> 01:10:47,360
Speaker 1: you know, but you still have I love that you're

1338
01:10:47,439 --> 01:10:50,320
Speaker 1: like that because I am literally the opposite. It's like,

1339
01:10:50,560 --> 01:10:52,000
Speaker 1: there's a reason for this. I gotta fix this. I

1340
01:10:52,000 --> 01:10:53,400
Speaker 1: gotta fix this. What can I do? What can I do?

1341
01:10:54,160 --> 01:10:55,800
Speaker 1: I gotta fix this. Do you think in two months

1342
01:10:55,840 --> 01:10:57,519
Speaker 1: I can fix this? Maybe in six months, in a year,

1343
01:10:57,600 --> 01:11:01,160
Speaker 1: do you think maybe in five years? Like? Oh, does

1344
01:11:01,200 --> 01:11:03,680
Speaker 1: anybody ever get the feeling that if this podcast ever ends,

1345
01:11:03,680 --> 01:11:06,040
Speaker 1: Brooks will never talk to any of us. They'll just

1346
01:11:06,040 --> 01:11:11,360
Speaker 1: cut us out of his life. No, brother, come on, man,

1347
01:11:11,680 --> 01:11:13,720
Speaker 1: I talked to my I talked to my old teammates.

1348
01:11:14,000 --> 01:11:18,200
Speaker 1: Brooks and I FaceTime like every Thursday. I don't think

1349
01:11:18,200 --> 01:11:20,599
Speaker 1: it'd be the worst thing in the world. I knew

1350
01:11:20,640 --> 01:11:22,280
Speaker 1: he was going to come in with something over there,

1351
01:11:22,439 --> 01:11:25,240
Speaker 1: and I was gonna say, just just Ryan. I don't

1352
01:11:25,280 --> 01:11:31,080
Speaker 1: think it'd be the worst thing in the world. All

1353
01:11:31,160 --> 01:11:36,000
Speaker 1: Ryan um, well, a little free flow send us, send

1354
01:11:36,080 --> 01:11:39,240
Speaker 1: us what you think on this topic, men at iHeart

1355
01:11:39,320 --> 01:11:43,160
Speaker 1: radio dot com or on Instagram How Men Think Podcast.

1356
01:11:43,240 --> 01:11:44,680
Speaker 1: Would you love to hear what you think? And if

1357
01:11:44,720 --> 01:11:47,800
Speaker 1: anybody has any advice for Amy, how can we help

1358
01:11:47,840 --> 01:11:51,840
Speaker 1: Amy therapists new number because clearly I need some help. Well,

1359
01:11:52,040 --> 01:11:55,760
Speaker 1: you have five unqualified therapists in here trying their heart

1360
01:11:55,800 --> 01:11:59,160
Speaker 1: and an extra microphone. That's it for this episode, guys.

1361
01:11:59,520 --> 01:12:03,000
Speaker 1: Thanks job, great job, gentlemen at a blast today, A

1362
01:12:03,040 --> 01:12:06,080
Speaker 1: lot of smiles, a lot of laughs. Thank you guys

1363
01:12:06,120 --> 01:12:08,000
Speaker 1: for listening at home, in your vehicle, wherever you're at.

1364
01:12:08,160 --> 01:12:12,280
Speaker 1: Till next time. Here comes the tagline, Brooks deliver no

1365
01:12:12,920 --> 01:12:16,320
Speaker 1: never you go, buddy, Take care of one another, love

1366
01:12:16,400 --> 01:12:18,240
Speaker 1: one another, and we'll see you right back here next

1367
01:12:18,240 --> 01:12:25,719
Speaker 1: week for another episode of How Men Think. Ryan Right hey, guys,

1368
01:12:25,720 --> 01:12:27,880
Speaker 1: it's Brooks and one last thing before we let you go.

1369
01:12:28,080 --> 01:12:30,479
Speaker 1: If you like today's episode, we would love to get

1370
01:12:30,479 --> 01:12:32,599
Speaker 1: a five star review from you on iTunes and if

1371
01:12:32,640 --> 01:12:34,479
Speaker 1: you could possibly share it with a friend, that would

1372
01:12:34,479 --> 01:12:37,439
Speaker 1: be amazing as well. We always look forward to your questions,

1373
01:12:37,520 --> 01:12:40,200
Speaker 1: comments or insights, so you can send us an email

1374
01:12:40,280 --> 01:12:42,800
Speaker 1: at men at i heeart Radio dot com, and also

1375
01:12:42,840 --> 01:12:45,760
Speaker 1: follow along with us on Instagram at how Men Think

1376
01:12:45,880 --> 01:12:46,480
Speaker 1: Podcast