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Speaker 1: Every month, I get four different versions of my wife.

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Speaker 2: That is absolutely correct. And I'm at the point now

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Speaker 2: where I don't to expect you to try to figure

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Speaker 2: me out because I can't figure me out. Dead Ass.

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Speaker 1: It all started with real talk, unfiltered, honest and straight

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Speaker 1: from the heart. Since then, we've gone on to become

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Speaker 1: Webby award winning podcasters in New York Times bestselling authors.

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Speaker 2: Dead Ass was more than a podcast for us. It

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Speaker 2: was about our growth, a place where we could be vulnerable.

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Speaker 3: Be raw, or but most apportly be us.

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Speaker 2: But as we know, life keeps evolving, and so do we,

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Speaker 2: and through it all, one thing has never changed. This

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Speaker 2: is a seater because we got a lot to talk about.

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Speaker 3: So story time, This story time is going to put

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Speaker 3: you through. You laughing already, you're laughing already.

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Speaker 1: This is going to put you through the cycle of

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Speaker 1: discussion that in and I go through and I start

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Speaker 1: to realize what part of the month I'm in. Wake

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Speaker 1: up one morning. No, we'll start from the night prior.

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Speaker 1: I forgot what we were talking about. Oh, this is

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Speaker 1: when I went to Corey's birthday party. Go to Corey's

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Speaker 1: birthday party. I tell you, I tell Okay, I was

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Speaker 1: gonna come back in about an hour, right, So it

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Speaker 1: was gonna be in about an hour. Ended up coming

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Speaker 1: back at like twelve thirty in the morning. I left

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Speaker 1: it nine thirty. It's one of my friends' birthday party.

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Speaker 1: I don't go out, Kate, don't be tripping. But when

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Speaker 1: I'm getting ready to leave, k Is just like, yo,

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna be I'm gonna be ready for you when

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Speaker 1: you get back, right.

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Speaker 3: So I'm just like, all right, cool, I get back.

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Speaker 1: When I get back into the driveway, I'm on the

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Speaker 1: phone with Jay for another thirty minutes, so I didn't

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Speaker 1: realize on the phone that long. I get inside, it's

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Speaker 1: like one o'clock, go upstairs. I'm like, yo, I thought

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Speaker 1: you're gonna wait for me. She was just like, I'm

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Speaker 1: not doing stuti viole d d da da da. So

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Speaker 1: I was like, all right, I ain't even tripping. Like

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Speaker 1: it is late. We go to bed, wake up the

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Speaker 1: next morning to have a conversation and I'm just talking

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Speaker 1: to her. I'm like, hey, you know, I just was wondering, like,

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Speaker 1: what made you think that you could just talk to

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Speaker 1: me like that last night? And then she starts crying,

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Speaker 1: and I'm like, yo, like when is your period coming?

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Speaker 1: And then that's when I see the flip switch, because

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Speaker 1: she became defensive because automatically it was like.

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Speaker 3: My period don't come for a couple of weeks.

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Speaker 1: She was going and going and going, and she starts

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Speaker 1: crying again, and I'm like, Okay, we're going table this

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Speaker 1: conversation because your mental health is way more important than

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Speaker 1: whatever it is that we were looking to discuss. And

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Speaker 1: she was like, I just need some time. I said

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Speaker 1: how much time you need? You need a couple of days,

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Speaker 1: a couple of weeks. She's just like, I just need

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Speaker 1: a couple of minutes. So with my mind, I'm like

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Speaker 1: a couple of minutes is two minutes. I go downstairs

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Speaker 1: in the man cave. I count one hundred and twenty.

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Speaker 1: I come back upstairs. Because I'm a very literal person,

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Speaker 1: I come back upstairs and I'm like, hey, it's been

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Speaker 1: about two minutes. And she's just looking at me now.

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Speaker 1: She don't say nothing, She's looking at me eyes like this, bru.

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Speaker 1: And I'm like, I'm gonna go back downstairs because it

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Speaker 1: seemed like you need a couple more minutes.

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Speaker 3: And this time I counted to like four thousand, seven hundred.

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Speaker 2: And fifty eight.

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Speaker 1: Right, I go back upstairs, Kay in the closet in

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Speaker 1: the dark, crying, just sobbing, and I'm like, all right,

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Speaker 1: I know what's going on.

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Speaker 3: Time to put my husband k on and I just

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Speaker 3: sat next.

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Speaker 2: To her and run for cover.

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Speaker 3: Now.

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Speaker 1: I sat there for about what twenty minutes? Sat there

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Speaker 1: for about twenty minutes of staring at you, you looking

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Speaker 1: at me. We didn't say anything. We didn't say nothing

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Speaker 1: in there. You came and just sat on my lap

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Speaker 1: and we hugged each other for about right, well, another

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Speaker 1: thirty minutes.

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Speaker 2: It was giving. I was consoling you and you were.

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Speaker 3: It was at that point we was consoling each other.

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Speaker 2: Know what was happening?

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Speaker 3: Yeah?

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Speaker 2: All right karaoke time. Andrew had the perfect song for this.

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Speaker 2: I mean, I couldn't think of anything more perfect. It's

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Speaker 2: just one of them days that a girl goes through

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Speaker 2: that angri inside. I don't want to take it out, only.

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Speaker 4: Come on, bring it up personal.

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Speaker 2: I just wanted me all.

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Speaker 3: You because you don't.

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Speaker 4: Don't baby baby baby still love Yeah.

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Speaker 3: Shout out shout out to the nineties.

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Speaker 2: Currently on tour with Brandy in trouble.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, yea, that yeah, I did that. Yo, Destiny's cousins.

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Speaker 2: Don't take it personally, all right, I don't don't take

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Speaker 2: it personally. I really just want to be alone half

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Speaker 2: of the time, to be honest, especially around that time.

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Speaker 2: But I be conflicted because I'm like, I have a

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Speaker 2: whole house full of children and a husband, so it's

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Speaker 2: like I can't be alone, but well, be wanting to

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Speaker 2: be alone.

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Speaker 1: Let's take a quick break, come back in, and you can

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Speaker 1: tell us what was going what you were going through

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Speaker 1: during that time.

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Speaker 2: That works, That works, all ry, y'all. We're gonna pay

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Speaker 2: some bills and we'll be back, all right, and we're back. Yes,

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Speaker 2: talking hormones today. So it's funny. Deval did a video

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Speaker 2: that he posted on social media that was hilarious. I

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Speaker 2: actually watched it from the dark room that I was in.

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Speaker 3: The dark y'all. That was not it was just but

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Speaker 3: it was my reality.

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Speaker 2: Literally the dark room that I was in. I watched

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Speaker 2: it and I was like, this is funny, and then

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Speaker 2: I threw my phone to the side and sobbed some more.

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Speaker 2: But no, in that moment, that particular day, I remember

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Speaker 2: you saying I'm just gonna go out, have a quick drink,

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Speaker 2: come back, And in my mind, I'm like, dev I

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Speaker 2: don't even like to be outside like that anyway, so

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Speaker 2: he'll be back in an hour. Cut to four hours later.

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Speaker 2: It was like twenty in the morning when you walk

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Speaker 2: through the door and not at that point was just

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Speaker 2: ready to go to sleep. And that next I guess

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Speaker 2: I didn't even realize in that moment how I may

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Speaker 2: have come across, you know, me telling you, babe, I

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Speaker 2: don't want to do this. I want to talk about

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Speaker 2: this right now. I just want to go to sleep,

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Speaker 2: you know, I have to be up with the kids

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Speaker 2: at six am. Don't want to talk about it. And

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Speaker 2: then the next day Deval normally as usual, wants to

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Speaker 2: get clarity on things. It's just like, yo, U SPADs

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Speaker 2: for no reason. What's the problem. And I think I've

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Speaker 2: reached the point now where I too don't even know

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Speaker 2: what I'm feeling and why sometimes until I look at

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Speaker 2: the calendar and I'm like, oh, my goodness, is a

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Speaker 2: couple of days before my period. And it threw me

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Speaker 2: a loop for a loop, I think mainly because I

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Speaker 2: hadn't dealt with severe mood swings when I was experiencing

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Speaker 2: PSPMI symptoms growing up, so in my twenties thirties. Of course,

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Speaker 2: thirties is more like child bearing ages, so I knew

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Speaker 2: my out of rack. I knew what to expect at

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Speaker 2: that point. But now in my forties, when most women

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Speaker 2: were like, yo, this is like the best time. You

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Speaker 2: know your drive will be back up where you know

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Speaker 2: you left it off, and there's so many things to

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Speaker 2: look forward to, and I'm just like, nobody actually prepared

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Speaker 2: me for the hormonal changes that we're going to take

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Speaker 2: place now until I started speaking about it with other

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Speaker 2: friends and other women, some women who are older than me,

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Speaker 2: and they're like, oh, girl, yeah, you're right where you're

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Speaker 2: supposed to be, Like, perimenopause is a thing, so yeah,

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Speaker 2: in that moment, I just didn't know how to feel.

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Speaker 2: I wasn't sure why I was crying. I just knew

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Speaker 2: that there was devastation happening. And then I was also

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Speaker 2: simultaneously feeling a bit of guilt because I'm like, damn,

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Speaker 2: I don't want you to have to try to maneuver

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Speaker 2: dealing with me during these times, especially because we're know

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Speaker 2: what's going to happen. Once a month right, And I

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Speaker 2: don't want to be that person, that woman that uses

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Speaker 2: my hormones as an excuse to mistreat you, or to

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Speaker 2: to misspeak, or to make you feel disrespected by my

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Speaker 2: tone or the way I engage with you. So I

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Speaker 2: think I was dealing with a couple of things. It

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Speaker 2: was not knowing why I felt the way I felt,

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Speaker 2: and then also feeling badly for you having to kind

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Speaker 2: of bear the brunt of that because all you're coming

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Speaker 2: from is a place of care. You're just like thebe

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Speaker 2: What can I do? How can I help you get

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Speaker 2: through this? And when I can't even clearly articulate what

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Speaker 2: I need in that moment, I can see how it

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Speaker 2: can be frustrating for a spouse. So yeah, let's unpack

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Speaker 2: what these hormones look like. We have a couple, a

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Speaker 2: couple of different experiences here, you know, you do. It

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Speaker 2: can speak from our experience, but I know triple has

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Speaker 2: hers and of course Josh and Matt who are married

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Speaker 2: as well. So for me, I think I apologize.

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Speaker 3: You don't have to apologize.

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Speaker 2: I feel like I'm constantly, at least once a month

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Speaker 2: apologizing for my behavior, and I'm like, I know, your

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Speaker 2: biggest thing is change. Behavior is the biggest form of apologies,

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Speaker 2: and I'm just like, I don't even know how to

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Speaker 2: change my behavior.

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Speaker 1: Well, but I do also think it's important for us

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Speaker 1: to have a discussion about hormones but also intent and impact,

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Speaker 1: because I think that's the biggest thing me and Josh

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Speaker 1: talked about it. Josh being married, I think a year

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Speaker 1: a year after us, Yes, it was a year, right,

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Speaker 1: you're over ten years married. You'rever ten years married too,

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Speaker 1: so you were able to hit me to learning about hormones,

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Speaker 1: you know, dealing with a wife every single month, and

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Speaker 1: it's understanding that as a man, right, And this is

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Speaker 1: not me man explaining. We're never as your husband, trying

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Speaker 1: to get you to understand what we're going through.

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Speaker 3: We're trying to understand.

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Speaker 1: And what Josh was explaining to me is that if

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Speaker 1: I constantly say to you in the moment, like you

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Speaker 1: did something to me in this moment, it's only about

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Speaker 1: that moment. It ain't about you as a wife, right,

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Speaker 1: but also me as a husband. Realizing that when you're

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Speaker 1: going through these changes in these different hormonals, up and downs,

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Speaker 1: the things that you're doing, you're not doing to me

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Speaker 1: as a husband, you're going through something, and the byproduct

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Speaker 1: of what you're going through happens to me because I

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Speaker 1: see you every single day.

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Speaker 2: I think where the conflict arises, though, is that when

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Speaker 2: you say I'm not speaking about you as a wife

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Speaker 2: in general, I'm speaking about this moment. When that moment

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Speaker 2: happens every month as a woman, you come to feel

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Speaker 2: like damn, at least once a month, understand, which is

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Speaker 2: often I think at least once a month I feel

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Speaker 2: like I'm feeling as a wife because I'm not giving

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Speaker 2: you the experience that you're expecting, or you're just confused

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Speaker 2: by what's happening. So that's why I think we as

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Speaker 2: women sometimes feel like damn, like I can't get this

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Speaker 2: shit right.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, And as a part of hormonal changes, being a

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Speaker 4: part of your menstrual cycle, a part of your cycle

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Speaker 4: of life is happening over and over again. You're not

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Speaker 4: even really thinking about it as part of a cycle.

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Speaker 4: You're thinking about it as who you are, Like I'm

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Speaker 4: a person who has mood swings, and I'm a person

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Speaker 4: who gets irritated easily, and you know what I'm saying.

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Speaker 4: And so then we can get in a cycle of

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Speaker 4: like trying to fix ourselves so much that we're not

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Speaker 4: focusing on you know, what we're doing well already, and

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Speaker 4: that can turn into other.

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Speaker 3: Okay, don't I literally say that.

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Speaker 1: I say to her, I say, listen, We'll have a

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Speaker 1: conversation right for like an hour during the week, And

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Speaker 1: I'm like, it's just an hour conversation. There's twenty four

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Speaker 1: hours in the day. We spoke about it for an

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Speaker 1: hour one day. There was also seven six other days

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Speaker 1: where we didn't have no conversation. She only focused on

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Speaker 1: the bad part, that one bad moment, and I'm like,

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Speaker 1: there was so many other, thousands of hours of good moments.

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Speaker 1: But this is why I think the conversation is important

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Speaker 1: for me to understand where you guys are coming from mentally,

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Speaker 1: so that we don't always take it on us Because

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Speaker 1: as husbands, and I know you guys can speak to

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Speaker 1: this too. Our biggest thing is care, Like I want

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Speaker 1: my wife to be okay, you know, and I want

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Speaker 1: my wife to also be seen as okay in other

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Speaker 1: people's eyes.

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Speaker 3: Sometimes when she has a mood swing or something.

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Speaker 1: I'm like, hey, I'm just telling you, you know, watch

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Speaker 1: how you speak to the kids in this moment. Or

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Speaker 1: your mom live with us, watch how you interact, and

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Speaker 1: then that becomes a thing. It's not like I'm trying

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Speaker 1: to tell you like you're the worst person. I'm trying

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Speaker 1: to say, Yo, we're working through this together. But then

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Speaker 1: we also got to understand y'all are actually physically going

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Speaker 1: through it. And that's the part that Josh was able

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Speaker 1: to help me get some clarity as to even how

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Speaker 1: to approach having those conversations and when like Joh, I

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Speaker 1: forgot the term, but you talk, it's the days leading

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Speaker 1: up to it, the.

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Speaker 3: Ludio phase. What Josh explained to me years ago was.

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Speaker 1: Like, it isn't always when their period starts, it's the

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Speaker 1: days before. And I had got to know Kay so

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Speaker 1: well that I was like four days before it starts.

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Speaker 1: And this used to cause arguments. We will be having

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Speaker 1: a discussion and you have a look at your wife

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Speaker 1: eyes and you can tell like this is the hormonal

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Speaker 1: version of them, This isn't them, And then I'll stoping

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Speaker 1: to be like, all right, when is your period supposed

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Speaker 1: to come? And then she almost get upset. Then I'm asking,

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Speaker 1: like my period is not coming, and I'm like, like my.

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Speaker 2: Point right now is valid? Don't try to blame it

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Speaker 2: on hormones. Like what I'm talking about right now is

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Speaker 2: a thing, right And then I'm like, Okay, maybe it's

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Speaker 2: not a thing, because maybe I really about to approach,

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Speaker 2: you know, my cycle.

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Speaker 3: And that was last week doing story Tom.

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Speaker 1: I remember I stopped the conversation with the conversation got

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Speaker 1: so heated right where Kneen was like screaming like she

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Speaker 1: and I was just like, hey, like you notice I'm

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Speaker 1: I'm not screaming like this. This is only going one way.

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Speaker 1: And then she was just like, I don't know what's

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Speaker 1: going I don't know what's happening. And I said like, hey,

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Speaker 1: think about it. When is your period coming? And you

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Speaker 1: stopped and you was just like, oh my gosh. It

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Speaker 1: was in that moment where I was like, all right,

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Speaker 1: let's table this whole discussion because what we're talking about

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Speaker 1: in that moment, and this is what I think is

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Speaker 1: important for husbands to understand, because I don't like to

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Speaker 1: just say you can't you can't do it on your

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Speaker 1: own and you need help. But I think if we're

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Speaker 1: going to do this together, that we do need to

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Speaker 1: help each other. And as your husband who's going through

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Speaker 1: this with you. I think it's important for us. Is

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Speaker 1: meant to take some onus on the fact that if

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Speaker 1: we realize that it's a hormonal issue or something going on,

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Speaker 1: whatever that issue is in a moment is no longer important.

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Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying, How you spoke to me

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Speaker 1: last night is no longer the topic of conversation. And

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Speaker 1: I think that we have to learn that. It's like,

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Speaker 1: let's table stuff to focus on what the real issue is.

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Speaker 1: And if the real issue is hormones, let's deal with.

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Speaker 4: That so we can talk about the science behind it.

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Speaker 4: So during the ludio phase is when your body starts

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Speaker 4: to produce more progesterone, which supports the body through pregnancy.

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Speaker 4: It makes the uterine lining thicker to try to prevent miscarriage.

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Speaker 4: But what it also progesterone also in a woman's body

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Speaker 4: creates a sedative effect and helps to decrease anxiety. And

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Speaker 4: so during the ludio phase, your progesterone levels can spike,

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Speaker 4: and when your body realizes you're not pregnant, the levels drop,

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Speaker 4: So then that's what affects your mood. And then during perimenopause,

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Speaker 4: your progester round levels become more erratic, They fluctuate up

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Speaker 4: and down like crazy, and so then that is what

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Speaker 4: also creates mood swings.

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Speaker 1: So question how could we assist y'all through those phases

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Speaker 1: as women?

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Speaker 2: I mean, for me, I think this is a fairly

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Speaker 2: new territory because I hadn't dealt with at least to

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Speaker 2: my knowledge. Maybe you might think it's different, but to

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Speaker 2: my knowledge or to what According to the way I feel,

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Speaker 2: I don't feel as though I've had to manage my

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Speaker 2: mood and emotion much, you know, in the previous years.

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Speaker 2: This is something that's new to me. So as I'm

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Speaker 2: navigating this personally, when I'm trying to figure things out,

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Speaker 2: I like to be alone because I feel like the

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Speaker 2: people who will bear the brunt of whatever mood I'm

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Speaker 2: going through are the people closest to me. So it's

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Speaker 2: going to be my parents who live here, the boys,

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Speaker 2: And what I don't want is to become that quote

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Speaker 2: unquote she's crazy because I'm going through something that I

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Speaker 2: can't control in that moment, and then something that's completely

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Speaker 2: natural too, Like it's not even like there's some outside

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Speaker 2: forces that are, you know, causing this. This is just

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Speaker 2: something going on internally where I'm still trying to figure

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Speaker 2: it out. I'm still trying to figure out how to

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Speaker 2: manage it. And when I speak with other women who

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Speaker 2: are around my age or going through something similar, we

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Speaker 2: all have Some people have, you know, similar symptoms. Some

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Speaker 2: people have different ones, like there's a laundry list. I

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Speaker 2: don't know if you've found any trible of like perimenopause

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Speaker 2: or anything like. Those symptoms vary for so many people.

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Speaker 2: So I think right now I'm in a discovery phase

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Speaker 2: of trying to understand what my body is going through.

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Speaker 2: While I'm going through that, I think it's best for

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Speaker 2: me to have some like alone time, like you know.

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Speaker 2: And I know I can't clock out for like it's

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Speaker 2: not realistic of me to clock out for a day

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Speaker 2: or two, but it's helpful trying to navigate this I

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Speaker 2: think a bit on my own, but having you nearby

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Speaker 2: in case I do need to pop out for a hug,

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Speaker 2: you know, because remember when that happened the other day,

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Speaker 2: I would think I was on maybe day one of

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Speaker 2: my cycle. I wanted to be around you guys because

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Speaker 2: I felt like, damn, I can't just be in this

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Speaker 2: room all day by myself, not interacting with anyone, although

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Speaker 2: you were encouraging me to do that, but then I

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Speaker 2: had moments where I wanted to pop out and just

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Speaker 2: kind of like lay there with you and then go back.

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Speaker 1: You know what I think that comes from. That comes

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Speaker 1: from what Josh talked about. Remember what you said last night, Josh,

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Speaker 1: as a man, as your partner. Once I understand, I

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Speaker 1: can't just then say okay, I understand she wants to

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Speaker 1: be alone and walk away. That also was just another

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Speaker 1: problem in itself. Right, What you have to do is

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Speaker 1: know that there's a problem, also be of assistance but

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Speaker 1: when needed, right, And I know you just said it

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Speaker 1: like you don't expect me to navigate your emotions, but

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Speaker 1: I tell you, since she was eighteen years old, it's

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Speaker 1: been part of my to stylestep your emotions. That's as

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Speaker 1: a husband as as the person that's going to be

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Speaker 1: your life partner.

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Speaker 3: That's part of my job. I take honoring that. You

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Speaker 3: know what I'm saying. Of the two of us, one.

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Speaker 1: Of us has physiological changes, so one of us is

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Speaker 1: really going through something.

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Speaker 3: One of us is okay, So the one it okay, I.

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Speaker 1: Think doesn't give that doesn't give you an excuse to

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Speaker 1: just be disrespectful and act crazy, but it does give

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Speaker 1: me a reason to give you some latitude. And I

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Speaker 1: think that's what people need to understand that we're going

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Speaker 1: through this together.

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Speaker 3: You're not going through it alone. And it's also not daunting. Right.

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Speaker 3: The fact that I could.

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Speaker 1: Leave make a video you could see and laugh about

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Speaker 1: it means that if you handle it by having conversations,

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Speaker 1: it's not something that has to be a split. And

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Speaker 1: that's the thing I could I concern myself with is

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Speaker 1: hormones or how we deal with hormones shouldn't be the

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Speaker 1: reason why couples don't work out. And if we continue

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Speaker 1: to get to the forefront of what it is and

385
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Speaker 1: we continue to have open discussions, we can learn. I

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Speaker 1: always thank Josh WHI. I always go to Josh and

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Speaker 1: I thank him for this because this was years ago

388
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Speaker 1: and he was trying to help me with the hormones

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Speaker 1: that you were having after having the children, because we

390
00:19:09,640 --> 00:19:11,880
Speaker 1: were doing I'll never forget to day we were doing

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Speaker 1: the Cobblestone shoot in Brooklyn, and this is when we

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Speaker 1: only had three kids. We were getting ready to go

393
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Speaker 1: to twenty nineteen, We were getting ready to go to

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Speaker 1: LA and of course during photo shoots, we always have

395
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Speaker 1: our little spats and things and difference of opinions, and

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Speaker 1: then Josh was just like, Yo, you need to learn

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Speaker 1: about hormones.

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Speaker 3: Bro, that's it, and you laughing. But to us as men,

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Speaker 3: we take this serious.

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Speaker 1: And I think it's important for women to hear that

401
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Speaker 1: if you have a man that really values you and

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Speaker 1: cares about you and your well being, he would make

403
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Speaker 1: it his job to understand how your hormones work, because

404
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Speaker 1: he's going to have to deal with that im perpetuity

405
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Speaker 1: the same way you're going to have to deal with

406
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Speaker 1: him in perpetuity. And I always thank Josh for that

407
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Speaker 1: because it just showed me how to give you grace

408
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Speaker 1: and moments where I was like, you know what, she

409
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Speaker 1: may not be able to show up the way I

410
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Speaker 1: expect her to today, but I know what it's for, right,

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Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 4: I think another thing too, is that because women's health

414
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Speaker 4: isn't very much researched, there's not a lot of support

415
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Speaker 4: behind treating perimenopause or treating menopause or even endometriosis and

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Speaker 4: things that, yeah, women's women's issues that women often we

417
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Speaker 4: don't know what our options are. We don't even know

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Speaker 4: how to treat our symptoms. We just think that it's

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Speaker 4: a part of who we are and we just have

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Speaker 4: to deal with it. And sometimes it can be really

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Speaker 4: hard on us emotionally to deal with it and hard

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Speaker 4: on the people in our lives. But there's a black doctor.

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Speaker 4: Her name is doctor Sharon Malone. She wrote a book

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Speaker 4: called Grown Women Talk, which talks specifically about this. It's

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Speaker 4: about women knowing what their options are. She was an

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Speaker 4: obgyn and she just started to realize that women going

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Speaker 4: into their forties, they didn't know how to take care

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Speaker 4: of their bodies or what their options are. And I

429
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Speaker 4: heard her on an interview on NPR talking about hormone

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Speaker 4: replacement therapy, which a lot of women do not understand

431
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Speaker 4: that they have that as an option. Even for things

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Speaker 4: like incontinent, you can use hormone replacement therapy to help that.

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Speaker 4: So I think it's worth doing a little bit more

434
00:21:19,880 --> 00:21:23,320
Speaker 4: research as women, because when it comes to our menstrual cycle,

435
00:21:23,359 --> 00:21:25,399
Speaker 4: when it comes to even birth, we think that our

436
00:21:25,440 --> 00:21:27,280
Speaker 4: bodies were just made for this and we're supposed to

437
00:21:27,320 --> 00:21:28,960
Speaker 4: know how to handle it, and every woman goes.

438
00:21:28,880 --> 00:21:31,080
Speaker 2: Through it and blah blah, blah blah.

439
00:21:30,520 --> 00:21:32,560
Speaker 4: And that's really not the case. We need to support

440
00:21:32,600 --> 00:21:35,200
Speaker 4: ourselves and support each other, and a lot of times

441
00:21:35,200 --> 00:21:37,800
Speaker 4: black women don't. We just started talking about I just

442
00:21:37,920 --> 00:21:40,160
Speaker 4: learned what perimen and pause was just a few years ago.

443
00:21:40,160 --> 00:21:41,160
Speaker 4: I don't even know that thing.

444
00:21:41,400 --> 00:21:43,600
Speaker 2: I think tab Tapatha Brown started talking about it, and

445
00:21:43,680 --> 00:21:45,119
Speaker 2: I was just like, what is she talking about? And

446
00:21:45,240 --> 00:21:47,600
Speaker 2: baby lo and behold here I am. So when she

447
00:21:47,680 --> 00:21:50,320
Speaker 2: was over here one day, I was like, girl, yeah,

448
00:21:50,400 --> 00:21:52,439
Speaker 2: I think I'm here, and She's just like yep, and

449
00:21:52,520 --> 00:21:55,000
Speaker 2: she mentioned hormone replacement therapy. So that was the rabbit

450
00:21:55,040 --> 00:21:56,560
Speaker 2: hole that I went down when I was in my

451
00:21:56,680 --> 00:21:59,240
Speaker 2: dark cave that one day, because I'm like, there has

452
00:21:59,280 --> 00:22:01,320
Speaker 2: to be a way. I think that's in the middle

453
00:22:01,359 --> 00:22:03,840
Speaker 2: of me sobbing because I didn't know why I was sobbing.

454
00:22:04,160 --> 00:22:07,000
Speaker 2: I think part of it was because I felt I

455
00:22:07,040 --> 00:22:10,560
Speaker 2: didn't feel in control of my emotion. I didn't feel

456
00:22:10,600 --> 00:22:14,360
Speaker 2: in control of myself, and I'm like, I'm usually fairly

457
00:22:14,400 --> 00:22:16,639
Speaker 2: well put together, like I can kind of keep it

458
00:22:16,680 --> 00:22:20,200
Speaker 2: together and I couldn't. So looking at hormone replacement therapy

459
00:22:20,240 --> 00:22:22,439
Speaker 2: as an option with something that I'm definitely going to

460
00:22:22,480 --> 00:22:25,359
Speaker 2: look into. You know, because everything comes with a side

461
00:22:25,359 --> 00:22:27,240
Speaker 2: effect or something. So that's another thing. Like I was

462
00:22:27,280 --> 00:22:31,359
Speaker 2: priding myself on finally being off of an IUD or

463
00:22:31,400 --> 00:22:33,359
Speaker 2: you know, not having to take any form of birth

464
00:22:33,400 --> 00:22:36,600
Speaker 2: control to then now being like, damn, I may have

465
00:22:36,720 --> 00:22:39,920
Speaker 2: to reintroduce some sort of hormone just to be able

466
00:22:39,960 --> 00:22:41,760
Speaker 2: to function every month.

467
00:22:42,040 --> 00:22:45,160
Speaker 4: And it's difficult because you can't take like an ssriri

468
00:22:45,400 --> 00:22:49,720
Speaker 4: or antidepressant or anti anxiety because progesterone is a totally

469
00:22:49,720 --> 00:22:51,560
Speaker 4: different thing. Those medicines don't work.

470
00:22:52,880 --> 00:22:55,000
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's how I felt. I felt depressed.

471
00:22:55,359 --> 00:22:58,119
Speaker 1: You said, you said multiple times that you felt like

472
00:22:58,160 --> 00:23:00,359
Speaker 1: you was like, I don't know what depression feels like,

473
00:23:00,720 --> 00:23:02,679
Speaker 1: but that heaviness, they feel like you don't want to.

474
00:23:02,640 --> 00:23:04,680
Speaker 2: Get out of bed, kick it, like you can't.

475
00:23:04,680 --> 00:23:06,040
Speaker 3: That's how she says she felt.

476
00:23:06,119 --> 00:23:08,320
Speaker 2: Yes, how said, I don't have many moments in life

477
00:23:08,320 --> 00:23:10,560
Speaker 2: where I can recall being depressed like that, but that's

478
00:23:10,600 --> 00:23:11,280
Speaker 2: what it felt like.

479
00:23:11,359 --> 00:23:16,199
Speaker 1: But I will say this though, knowing you for twenty

480
00:23:16,200 --> 00:23:19,000
Speaker 1: three years, I can typically tell when you're getting to

481
00:23:19,040 --> 00:23:21,919
Speaker 1: that mode. And that's when I incorporated, like let's do

482
00:23:21,960 --> 00:23:25,280
Speaker 1: a date Night's because for me, as your husband, I

483
00:23:25,320 --> 00:23:27,560
Speaker 1: had to realize what works for my wife.

484
00:23:27,640 --> 00:23:27,800
Speaker 3: Right.

485
00:23:28,160 --> 00:23:30,640
Speaker 1: I know for a fact, when you work out routinely,

486
00:23:31,160 --> 00:23:33,439
Speaker 1: when you get sufficient sleep and I mean six to

487
00:23:33,520 --> 00:23:36,520
Speaker 1: seven hours of deep rem sleep without being interacted, right.

488
00:23:37,200 --> 00:23:39,560
Speaker 3: And this is what Kay doesn't realize.

489
00:23:39,760 --> 00:23:41,879
Speaker 1: If you go to sleep at two in the morning

490
00:23:41,880 --> 00:23:44,520
Speaker 1: and you wake up at six fifteen, right, and then

491
00:23:44,560 --> 00:23:46,040
Speaker 1: you go back to sleep and then you sleep in another

492
00:23:46,040 --> 00:23:48,439
Speaker 1: three hours, that's not the same is when you go

493
00:23:48,480 --> 00:23:51,000
Speaker 1: to bed at eleven and you get up at six fifteen.

494
00:23:51,400 --> 00:23:53,879
Speaker 1: So I've learned just like when you get more sleep

495
00:23:54,040 --> 00:23:56,680
Speaker 1: when you're eating differently, right, when you're not eating sugar,

496
00:23:56,720 --> 00:23:59,880
Speaker 1: when you don't drink alcohol, when you work out consistently, true,

497
00:24:01,240 --> 00:24:04,000
Speaker 1: it does regulate your moods. At least your hormones still

498
00:24:04,160 --> 00:24:06,320
Speaker 1: go through their things, but it regulates your mood.

499
00:24:06,520 --> 00:24:12,280
Speaker 4: No attention, because some of the things that support progesterone

500
00:24:12,600 --> 00:24:16,919
Speaker 4: production are getting enough sleep, reducing stress levels. So like

501
00:24:17,000 --> 00:24:19,879
Speaker 4: working out. And also they say eating healthy diets that

502
00:24:19,920 --> 00:24:23,520
Speaker 4: are rich in vitamin sees, zinc, magnesium, inviting me there we.

503
00:24:23,440 --> 00:24:27,159
Speaker 2: Go all low, like I think worldwide as a people,

504
00:24:27,320 --> 00:24:30,399
Speaker 2: we're on magnesium and then women child only. Let's scratch

505
00:24:30,440 --> 00:24:33,679
Speaker 2: the surface about iron deficiencies and anemia. That's where I

506
00:24:33,680 --> 00:24:34,359
Speaker 2: am listen to.

507
00:24:34,480 --> 00:24:37,520
Speaker 4: Magnesium is what helps your body absorb other vitamins. So

508
00:24:38,160 --> 00:24:40,160
Speaker 4: on magnesium you low on everything right.

509
00:24:40,200 --> 00:24:42,960
Speaker 2: And magnesium is great for sleep, quality, sleep and stuff.

510
00:24:42,960 --> 00:24:46,200
Speaker 2: So I started taking it in the evenings to see

511
00:24:46,200 --> 00:24:48,040
Speaker 2: if it would help with sleep. I mean, I can't

512
00:24:48,080 --> 00:24:50,400
Speaker 2: really tell. It's hard, but to your point, I think

513
00:24:50,400 --> 00:24:53,160
Speaker 2: getting on a better schedule definitely helps to support that.

514
00:24:53,520 --> 00:24:57,280
Speaker 2: I noticed when I was preparing to film this earlier

515
00:24:57,320 --> 00:25:01,600
Speaker 2: this year. I was on a very strict diet, very

516
00:25:01,680 --> 00:25:07,800
Speaker 2: strict regimen with exercise, sleep study, and I actually felt

517
00:25:08,160 --> 00:25:09,600
Speaker 2: my best.

518
00:25:09,200 --> 00:25:11,200
Speaker 3: You were not only in your best shape.

519
00:25:11,200 --> 00:25:12,960
Speaker 1: Remember when I said I felt like I was falling

520
00:25:13,000 --> 00:25:15,119
Speaker 1: in love with your mood was way more even.

521
00:25:15,240 --> 00:25:16,720
Speaker 3: I noticed that consistent.

522
00:25:17,160 --> 00:25:19,119
Speaker 2: Talking about it now made me realize that was a

523
00:25:19,160 --> 00:25:21,720
Speaker 2: really good time for me. And then I was supposed

524
00:25:21,760 --> 00:25:24,920
Speaker 2: to get my cycle right in the middle of filming,

525
00:25:25,640 --> 00:25:28,200
Speaker 2: and I took something to delay it because I didn't

526
00:25:28,240 --> 00:25:29,840
Speaker 2: want to have to deal with that with all the

527
00:25:29,880 --> 00:25:33,399
Speaker 2: quick changes in long days. But it didn't suppress the

528
00:25:33,400 --> 00:25:36,640
Speaker 2: hormonal component, which worked in my favor kind of when

529
00:25:36,680 --> 00:25:38,720
Speaker 2: I was filming some of those scenes, I needed that,

530
00:25:39,119 --> 00:25:41,640
Speaker 2: so it was helpful in that moment. But every time

531
00:25:41,640 --> 00:25:43,880
Speaker 2: I think back to when I was feeling my best

532
00:25:43,960 --> 00:25:45,640
Speaker 2: at least this year, because like I said, I felt

533
00:25:45,640 --> 00:25:47,680
Speaker 2: like there was like a drastic decrease in my mood

534
00:25:48,400 --> 00:25:51,480
Speaker 2: or drastic change. Rather, I think I felt my best

535
00:25:51,480 --> 00:25:53,640
Speaker 2: when I was on a routine. So to your point,

536
00:25:53,640 --> 00:25:57,000
Speaker 2: I maybe need to get back to that, you know,

537
00:25:57,080 --> 00:26:00,240
Speaker 2: to feel a little bit better again. But Triple kind

538
00:26:00,240 --> 00:26:05,080
Speaker 2: of touched on talking about it. When I think back

539
00:26:05,160 --> 00:26:10,360
Speaker 2: to women the generation before me, our mothers, for example,

540
00:26:10,480 --> 00:26:13,120
Speaker 2: I remember when we first met. Devao's mom was just like, man,

541
00:26:13,160 --> 00:26:14,760
Speaker 2: I can't sleep. I keep getting up at like three

542
00:26:14,800 --> 00:26:16,439
Speaker 2: or four in the morning, can't sleep, And to this

543
00:26:16,520 --> 00:26:20,280
Speaker 2: day she's still that way. You know. They were all

544
00:26:20,320 --> 00:26:24,600
Speaker 2: exhibiting signs of this. My mother was the only one

545
00:26:24,600 --> 00:26:26,520
Speaker 2: who I felt like didn't because she had to have

546
00:26:26,560 --> 00:26:29,679
Speaker 2: it hysterected me at forty five due to fibroids and

547
00:26:29,680 --> 00:26:32,440
Speaker 2: things like that. But talking to women who are a

548
00:26:32,440 --> 00:26:34,280
Speaker 2: little bit older than me, I'm like, man, y'all were

549
00:26:34,320 --> 00:26:37,399
Speaker 2: just over here, essentially, I think suffering in silence because

550
00:26:37,400 --> 00:26:39,720
Speaker 2: we couldn't have the conversations or what or either we

551
00:26:39,720 --> 00:26:41,960
Speaker 2: didn't know to have the conversations or we just felt like,

552
00:26:42,000 --> 00:26:44,040
Speaker 2: this is just how they are, that's a part of life.

553
00:26:44,359 --> 00:26:46,320
Speaker 2: And I was reading a statistic I forgot I should

554
00:26:46,359 --> 00:26:48,400
Speaker 2: have written down the exact statistic, but they pretty much

555
00:26:48,440 --> 00:26:50,840
Speaker 2: was saying that a lot of people get divorced in

556
00:26:51,480 --> 00:26:55,359
Speaker 2: their forties and early fifties, and it was directly linked

557
00:26:55,359 --> 00:26:59,399
Speaker 2: to hormonal changes in women, which I thought was a

558
00:26:59,440 --> 00:27:00,920
Speaker 2: really interesting point.

559
00:27:01,200 --> 00:27:03,720
Speaker 4: Yeah, I feel like we always witnessed the physical parts.

560
00:27:03,720 --> 00:27:05,680
Speaker 4: And I would hear my mom talking about going through

561
00:27:05,720 --> 00:27:08,879
Speaker 4: the change where she was referring to other people because

562
00:27:08,880 --> 00:27:11,240
Speaker 4: she also had to have a hysterectomy in her forties,

563
00:27:13,160 --> 00:27:18,080
Speaker 4: be like right, probably as her change was beginning, right,

564
00:27:19,400 --> 00:27:23,240
Speaker 4: And so even that was like something that was insane.

565
00:27:23,280 --> 00:27:26,840
Speaker 4: She hadn't had a period in years, like maybe decades,

566
00:27:26,880 --> 00:27:29,040
Speaker 4: and all of a sudden she was having heavy, heavy periods,

567
00:27:29,359 --> 00:27:31,080
Speaker 4: and so she ended up having to get a hysterect me.

568
00:27:31,119 --> 00:27:33,280
Speaker 4: But so we would see, like, you know, the physical

569
00:27:33,280 --> 00:27:38,320
Speaker 4: symptoms of your menstrual cycle. My stepmom was walking around

570
00:27:38,359 --> 00:27:47,960
Speaker 4: with a titty towel because she was yeah, right out

571
00:27:47,960 --> 00:27:50,200
Speaker 4: whoever been shout out to, whoever made the titty towel.

572
00:27:50,280 --> 00:27:54,359
Speaker 2: He was really thinking, Yes, what is that for, like

573
00:27:54,359 --> 00:27:55,320
Speaker 2: the undertitty sweat.

574
00:27:55,520 --> 00:27:58,199
Speaker 4: Yeah, you just like put it cover up your boobs.

575
00:27:58,240 --> 00:28:01,720
Speaker 4: It's like a towel and breaking around with no shirt on.

576
00:28:03,160 --> 00:28:06,560
Speaker 2: That look like I saw this heating path that looked

577
00:28:06,600 --> 00:28:08,399
Speaker 2: like a diaper that you just strap it on and

578
00:28:08,440 --> 00:28:10,399
Speaker 2: it literally straps on like a diaper and you put

579
00:28:10,440 --> 00:28:16,520
Speaker 2: it on like get I would like to be your

580
00:28:16,680 --> 00:28:21,400
Speaker 2: ambassador for that, I mean, babe, because the whole the back,

581
00:28:21,560 --> 00:28:22,959
Speaker 2: everything needs to be heated up.

582
00:28:23,119 --> 00:28:25,639
Speaker 4: But yeah, we would see like the physical symptoms of

583
00:28:25,680 --> 00:28:29,720
Speaker 4: the mental cycle and some about menopause, but not the

584
00:28:29,920 --> 00:28:34,240
Speaker 4: hormonal changes or the emotional changes. Like dealing with older

585
00:28:34,240 --> 00:28:36,240
Speaker 4: women in your family, you just have to go roll

586
00:28:36,280 --> 00:28:39,080
Speaker 4: with the punches of their attitudes or whatever. It's always

587
00:28:39,080 --> 00:28:40,320
Speaker 4: your fault anyway, as a kid.

588
00:28:41,600 --> 00:28:44,000
Speaker 3: Talk about that, talk about that, you know what I'm saying.

589
00:28:44,040 --> 00:28:46,160
Speaker 4: But we don't know how much of that was due

590
00:28:46,240 --> 00:28:50,160
Speaker 4: to like hormonal changes or menstreual you know, hormonal changes.

591
00:28:50,720 --> 00:28:54,360
Speaker 4: So I guess it would help that we talk about it.

592
00:28:54,360 --> 00:28:56,479
Speaker 4: I mean, you don't have daughters, but you have a

593
00:28:56,560 --> 00:28:58,920
Speaker 4: younger sister and I have sons.

594
00:28:59,120 --> 00:29:00,960
Speaker 2: Divine and I were talking about this too. In the

595
00:29:01,000 --> 00:29:03,320
Speaker 2: midst of talking about hormones recently, I'm just like, I

596
00:29:03,320 --> 00:29:06,080
Speaker 2: have four sons. If they decide to get married and

597
00:29:06,120 --> 00:29:09,160
Speaker 2: they have wives, like, I feel like I'm going to

598
00:29:09,200 --> 00:29:10,720
Speaker 2: be that mother in law that's going to be like,

599
00:29:10,720 --> 00:29:13,120
Speaker 2: come here, girl, Like, I don't know what your mother

600
00:29:13,160 --> 00:29:15,680
Speaker 2: spoke to you about, but I pray for relationships that

601
00:29:15,720 --> 00:29:18,320
Speaker 2: we were close enough that we can talk about these things,

602
00:29:18,320 --> 00:29:20,400
Speaker 2: because I would want to prepare her for my son's sake,

603
00:29:20,680 --> 00:29:23,680
Speaker 2: you know what I'm saying, Like, I'm I'm glad I

604
00:29:23,760 --> 00:29:26,560
Speaker 2: do want to That concerns me just in general about

605
00:29:26,600 --> 00:29:28,480
Speaker 2: how we coexist as people.

606
00:29:29,000 --> 00:29:31,560
Speaker 1: You know, I'm glad you brought that up because oftentimes

607
00:29:31,640 --> 00:29:34,120
Speaker 1: moms now is something that's like I want to prepare

608
00:29:34,120 --> 00:29:36,440
Speaker 1: a woman for my son's sake, right, But I don't

609
00:29:36,440 --> 00:29:39,360
Speaker 1: think y'all realize that, Like I'm somebody else's son, like

610
00:29:39,520 --> 00:29:41,760
Speaker 1: Josh and Matt is someone else's son. And a lot

611
00:29:41,760 --> 00:29:45,040
Speaker 1: of times in these conversations, y'all don't think about the

612
00:29:45,080 --> 00:29:48,680
Speaker 1: other person who's on the other side dealing with your hormones. Now,

613
00:29:48,680 --> 00:29:51,360
Speaker 1: this is not me mansplaining or trying to shift the conversation,

614
00:29:51,520 --> 00:29:54,120
Speaker 1: but to hear you say as a woman, like I

615
00:29:54,120 --> 00:29:57,239
Speaker 1: would want to prepare other women for my sons. It's

616
00:29:57,320 --> 00:30:00,600
Speaker 1: like that's how we feel as men sometimes, like somebody

617
00:30:00,640 --> 00:30:01,640
Speaker 1: would have prepared us.

618
00:30:02,080 --> 00:30:04,720
Speaker 3: And I'm asking this publicly to please.

619
00:30:04,440 --> 00:30:07,280
Speaker 1: Give us as men grace the same way you're asking

620
00:30:07,320 --> 00:30:09,800
Speaker 1: for grace as we learn these things. Give us grace

621
00:30:09,800 --> 00:30:11,880
Speaker 1: because we have no idea. Like I grew up in

622
00:30:11,920 --> 00:30:14,920
Speaker 1: my house, I remember my mom saying, you know, it's

623
00:30:14,960 --> 00:30:17,560
Speaker 1: my body, and my body goes through things, but not

624
00:30:17,640 --> 00:30:20,239
Speaker 1: knowing what she was talking about because no one said it.

625
00:30:20,360 --> 00:30:22,600
Speaker 2: She didn't openly talk about it. Well, think about when

626
00:30:22,600 --> 00:30:24,400
Speaker 2: I had my accident in Mexico and we had to

627
00:30:24,440 --> 00:30:26,760
Speaker 2: explain to Jackson Jackson, Yeah, yeah, like that was a

628
00:30:26,760 --> 00:30:27,840
Speaker 2: perfect no one.

629
00:30:28,400 --> 00:30:30,240
Speaker 1: No one ever did that with us. But I remember

630
00:30:30,240 --> 00:30:32,440
Speaker 1: my mom coming in the room at nine in the morning,

631
00:30:32,560 --> 00:30:34,760
Speaker 1: pulling all the bags out the closet and opening them

632
00:30:34,840 --> 00:30:36,160
Speaker 1: and like doing things, and I'm like.

633
00:30:36,920 --> 00:30:38,920
Speaker 3: Why is like why would you just do that?

634
00:30:39,600 --> 00:30:41,560
Speaker 1: Like like there was a better way of going about it,

635
00:30:41,600 --> 00:30:43,960
Speaker 1: And then she'd be screaming and hollering and leave. And

636
00:30:44,000 --> 00:30:45,720
Speaker 1: now when I look back on it, I'm like she

637
00:30:45,880 --> 00:30:48,720
Speaker 1: was probably hormonal her and my dad were going through

638
00:30:48,720 --> 00:30:51,800
Speaker 1: whatever issues they had, so then typically once that happens,

639
00:30:51,840 --> 00:30:54,600
Speaker 1: it comes down to the kids. And I wish that

640
00:30:54,680 --> 00:30:58,200
Speaker 1: someone would have prepared me for it, because even being

641
00:30:58,200 --> 00:31:00,520
Speaker 1: a mentor to so many young men who come from

642
00:31:00,520 --> 00:31:05,080
Speaker 1: single parent homes, all they say is, Yo, she's crazy.

643
00:31:05,200 --> 00:31:09,280
Speaker 1: The track girls, my mom crazy, she's wild. I wish

644
00:31:09,360 --> 00:31:12,200
Speaker 1: ya would have known what I know now, because I'm like, yo,

645
00:31:12,280 --> 00:31:14,920
Speaker 1: y'all are seventeen. Your mom is forty something. Your mom

646
00:31:15,000 --> 00:31:16,960
Speaker 1: is hormonal. Give it time because you go through the

647
00:31:16,960 --> 00:31:19,080
Speaker 1: same thing every month. If it could have been something

648
00:31:19,200 --> 00:31:21,080
Speaker 1: very simple that if I would have known, I could

649
00:31:21,120 --> 00:31:22,960
Speaker 1: have prepared the track girls. I could have prepared the

650
00:31:22,960 --> 00:31:23,720
Speaker 1: football players.

651
00:31:24,000 --> 00:31:26,560
Speaker 3: Your mom's not crazy, bro, your mom is going through something.

652
00:31:27,040 --> 00:31:29,840
Speaker 1: This conversation needs to be had not from one sided,

653
00:31:29,880 --> 00:31:33,040
Speaker 1: but both sides, especially if we're going to constantly, you know,

654
00:31:33,240 --> 00:31:34,200
Speaker 1: be intermingling.

655
00:31:34,640 --> 00:31:37,760
Speaker 3: You know, I heard you ask Trible Trouble. You're in

656
00:31:37,800 --> 00:31:38,960
Speaker 3: a homosexual relationship.

657
00:31:39,000 --> 00:31:40,760
Speaker 1: Don't you think it's easy because you have a woman

658
00:31:40,840 --> 00:31:43,240
Speaker 1: that you understand each other's hormones, and Trouble is like, no,

659
00:31:43,840 --> 00:31:46,360
Speaker 1: because most women don't even know their own hormones.

660
00:31:46,800 --> 00:31:48,800
Speaker 3: So that's what we as men are saying like, please

661
00:31:48,840 --> 00:31:49,560
Speaker 3: give us grace.

662
00:31:49,720 --> 00:31:53,120
Speaker 4: Yea, it's not like I used to have really bad PMS,

663
00:31:53,320 --> 00:31:57,120
Speaker 4: like emotionally, and so I got really good at like

664
00:31:57,200 --> 00:31:59,960
Speaker 4: tracking my period and tracking when the PMS is coming in,

665
00:32:00,000 --> 00:32:01,520
Speaker 4: and so I would be like emotional and be like,

666
00:32:01,600 --> 00:32:03,960
Speaker 4: oh shit, I'm pmssing. Okay, now I can calm down.

667
00:32:04,520 --> 00:32:07,080
Speaker 4: And so when I'm in relationships with other women, I

668
00:32:07,240 --> 00:32:13,120
Speaker 4: be tracking a period and I'd be like, no, I

669
00:32:13,160 --> 00:32:16,680
Speaker 4: think you're pmssing your period is on the way, And

670
00:32:16,720 --> 00:32:19,800
Speaker 4: that conversation does not really work.

671
00:32:20,400 --> 00:32:21,520
Speaker 2: Yeah, I thought it would.

672
00:32:21,760 --> 00:32:26,240
Speaker 4: Nobody if you're upset, you know you're upset, you're in

673
00:32:26,280 --> 00:32:28,720
Speaker 4: your feelings, you want some attention, you don't want to

674
00:32:28,760 --> 00:32:30,520
Speaker 4: hear you're about to start your period. It makes it

675
00:32:30,600 --> 00:32:33,840
Speaker 4: sound like I'm not taking serious right right right, And

676
00:32:33,880 --> 00:32:36,200
Speaker 4: then we I feel like as women, we are taught

677
00:32:36,240 --> 00:32:39,200
Speaker 4: to have shame around our period and shame around our

678
00:32:39,240 --> 00:32:42,680
Speaker 4: menstrual cycle, the way we hide our paths and cons

679
00:32:42,760 --> 00:32:44,760
Speaker 4: and we got to do X, Y and Z to

680
00:32:44,760 --> 00:32:47,560
Speaker 4: make sure nobody knows around our period. And so we

681
00:32:47,640 --> 00:32:50,440
Speaker 4: have shame about talking about it and about admitting what

682
00:32:50,520 --> 00:32:52,600
Speaker 4: it does to our bodies and even if we do

683
00:32:52,720 --> 00:32:55,520
Speaker 4: understand that we have hormonal changes that affect us emotionally,

684
00:32:55,760 --> 00:32:57,840
Speaker 4: we might think, well, the other girls don't have that,

685
00:32:57,960 --> 00:33:00,560
Speaker 4: they don't do that, so then we don't talk about,

686
00:33:00,640 --> 00:33:02,680
Speaker 4: you know, how it affects us. So it's hard to

687
00:33:02,760 --> 00:33:05,560
Speaker 4: even just talk to another woman in an into relationship

688
00:33:05,600 --> 00:33:08,680
Speaker 4: about how her period is affecting her mood.

689
00:33:09,200 --> 00:33:11,960
Speaker 2: You're exactly right. I remember when my mom because my

690
00:33:12,000 --> 00:33:14,960
Speaker 2: mom didn't have like conversations with me about like sex

691
00:33:15,000 --> 00:33:16,960
Speaker 2: and like the actual physical part of it. It was

692
00:33:17,040 --> 00:33:19,120
Speaker 2: kind of like here's a little book and it was

693
00:33:19,280 --> 00:33:24,400
Speaker 2: very like g rated, you know. But with my period,

694
00:33:24,720 --> 00:33:26,880
Speaker 2: that's something that she took a lot of time and

695
00:33:26,920 --> 00:33:29,920
Speaker 2: care into describing what it was going to look like,

696
00:33:29,960 --> 00:33:31,320
Speaker 2: what it was going to feel like, and the way

697
00:33:31,400 --> 00:33:33,800
Speaker 2: I was supposed to care for myself. So from a

698
00:33:33,880 --> 00:33:36,800
Speaker 2: hygiene perspective, you know, the way I was supposed to

699
00:33:37,080 --> 00:33:40,280
Speaker 2: you know, clean up after myself. She got me this

700
00:33:40,320 --> 00:33:43,840
Speaker 2: little pouch you know, that had the pad, it had wipes,

701
00:33:43,880 --> 00:33:47,400
Speaker 2: it had you know, pantyliners, things like extra underwear in it,

702
00:33:47,760 --> 00:33:49,160
Speaker 2: and she was like, you know, when you start seeing

703
00:33:49,160 --> 00:33:50,720
Speaker 2: your period, you take this to the bathroom with you.

704
00:33:50,760 --> 00:33:52,440
Speaker 2: And I felt like it was more of a like

705
00:33:53,360 --> 00:33:55,160
Speaker 2: of a distraction for people to see me with this

706
00:33:55,240 --> 00:33:58,160
Speaker 2: like pouch going to the bathroom. But for her it

707
00:33:58,240 --> 00:33:59,960
Speaker 2: was like, you know, you don't have to let people

708
00:34:00,000 --> 00:34:01,400
Speaker 2: know when you're on your cycle. It's something you keep

709
00:34:01,480 --> 00:34:03,720
Speaker 2: super private. You know, no one should know you're in

710
00:34:03,760 --> 00:34:05,920
Speaker 2: the house with your brother and your father. You wrap

711
00:34:05,960 --> 00:34:07,440
Speaker 2: the pad a certain way, then you wrap it in

712
00:34:07,440 --> 00:34:09,040
Speaker 2: paper towel, you put it at the bottom of it.

713
00:34:09,239 --> 00:34:12,040
Speaker 2: So there was this I didn't understand the secret see

714
00:34:12,040 --> 00:34:14,879
Speaker 2: in it because at first I said, you know, well,

715
00:34:14,880 --> 00:34:17,080
Speaker 2: I thought, like all women have this, so what's the

716
00:34:17,080 --> 00:34:20,160
Speaker 2: big deal. But then I realized, like you're going into

717
00:34:20,200 --> 00:34:23,279
Speaker 2: this like womanhood sisterhood thing where it's like this is

718
00:34:23,360 --> 00:34:27,160
Speaker 2: like something that we have to protect. And now that

719
00:34:27,200 --> 00:34:29,800
Speaker 2: I'm older, to your point trible like we it was

720
00:34:29,840 --> 00:34:31,719
Speaker 2: supposed to be a secret, like we can't talk about

721
00:34:31,719 --> 00:34:34,239
Speaker 2: when you're on your cycle. And I never understood that

722
00:34:35,120 --> 00:34:37,200
Speaker 2: and the shame around it kind of that. I feel

723
00:34:37,200 --> 00:34:39,319
Speaker 2: like my mom was like preparing me for that. I

724
00:34:39,360 --> 00:34:42,839
Speaker 2: never really felt because amongst the girls, we talk about it,

725
00:34:42,920 --> 00:34:44,799
Speaker 2: you know, but it's something the boys couldn't know.

726
00:34:44,960 --> 00:34:47,160
Speaker 4: I'll never forget, man, when I was in sixth grade.

727
00:34:47,480 --> 00:34:50,120
Speaker 4: There's a girl named Britney Cousins. She was a great

728
00:34:50,200 --> 00:34:51,719
Speaker 4: under me, and I guess she had her period. She

729
00:34:51,840 --> 00:34:53,640
Speaker 4: dropped the pad out of her purse and I gave

730
00:34:53,680 --> 00:34:56,200
Speaker 4: it back to her, and she went and told the

731
00:34:56,280 --> 00:34:58,319
Speaker 4: teacher that I was teasing her because she was on

732
00:34:58,360 --> 00:35:01,360
Speaker 4: her period. And my teacher gave me this whole lexture

733
00:35:01,360 --> 00:35:05,080
Speaker 4: about how she started a period and I had already

734
00:35:05,120 --> 00:35:07,319
Speaker 4: started my period. I'm like, why the hell would I

735
00:35:07,360 --> 00:35:08,080
Speaker 4: be teasing her?

736
00:35:08,280 --> 00:35:09,080
Speaker 3: I have my period.

737
00:35:09,640 --> 00:35:11,399
Speaker 4: Let me tell you. I never spoke to that girl

738
00:35:11,719 --> 00:35:14,279
Speaker 4: a day and you bad girl, I don't know where.

739
00:35:14,280 --> 00:35:14,600
Speaker 2: I'm sorry.

740
00:35:14,680 --> 00:35:17,359
Speaker 4: I never said another word of her ever again, because

741
00:35:17,400 --> 00:35:18,400
Speaker 4: I'm like, why would you do that?

742
00:35:18,600 --> 00:35:19,239
Speaker 2: Why would you do that?

743
00:35:19,640 --> 00:35:22,600
Speaker 4: It was because she simply felt her own level of

744
00:35:22,640 --> 00:35:25,279
Speaker 4: shame in that moment, and she needed, I don't know,

745
00:35:25,520 --> 00:35:27,480
Speaker 4: to put it off on somebody else so that she

746
00:35:27,480 --> 00:35:28,759
Speaker 4: could like relieve her feel better.

747
00:35:28,840 --> 00:35:30,120
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, feel better about herself.

748
00:35:30,160 --> 00:35:30,319
Speaker 5: Yeah.

749
00:35:30,360 --> 00:35:33,560
Speaker 2: I never quite understood that, but now think thankfully, you know,

750
00:35:33,600 --> 00:35:36,279
Speaker 2: we're having conversations because we're realizing there's so much more

751
00:35:36,320 --> 00:35:39,600
Speaker 2: than just shedding your uterine lining every day, Like I mean,

752
00:35:39,640 --> 00:35:41,560
Speaker 2: every once a month. It's it's more than that.

753
00:35:41,760 --> 00:35:44,560
Speaker 1: So I do have a question as we talk about

754
00:35:44,719 --> 00:35:47,319
Speaker 1: what men can do to help you guys do this,

755
00:35:48,200 --> 00:35:51,840
Speaker 1: what are your plans to help help us?

756
00:35:52,800 --> 00:35:54,680
Speaker 2: Well, I told you. For me, it's me trying to

757
00:35:54,719 --> 00:35:57,040
Speaker 2: now figure out how I can regulate things to the

758
00:35:57,040 --> 00:35:59,239
Speaker 2: best of my ability. So I went back to my

759
00:35:59,320 --> 00:36:02,680
Speaker 2: holistic doctor to get another blood panel done. The problem

760
00:36:02,680 --> 00:36:04,840
Speaker 2: with that is that when you go at that particular

761
00:36:04,880 --> 00:36:07,560
Speaker 2: time of the month, it's only tracking your hormone in

762
00:36:07,600 --> 00:36:09,400
Speaker 2: that moment, so you don't know what it's going to

763
00:36:09,440 --> 00:36:11,640
Speaker 2: look like the next day or a week from that.

764
00:36:12,320 --> 00:36:15,840
Speaker 2: But there are places that are specifically designed for hormone

765
00:36:15,880 --> 00:36:18,600
Speaker 2: therapy where it's a bit more extensive and you may

766
00:36:18,640 --> 00:36:21,360
Speaker 2: have to get blood drawn during different points in the month,

767
00:36:21,480 --> 00:36:23,520
Speaker 2: or they track your cycle and you know what you're

768
00:36:23,520 --> 00:36:26,520
Speaker 2: supposed to take. When that for me is I think

769
00:36:26,600 --> 00:36:28,719
Speaker 2: the best way that I can try to navigate this

770
00:36:28,840 --> 00:36:31,560
Speaker 2: experience so I feel better and in turn I can

771
00:36:31,600 --> 00:36:33,520
Speaker 2: show up for you and the boys and my family

772
00:36:33,520 --> 00:36:36,000
Speaker 2: and for work the way I need to. I have

773
00:36:36,040 --> 00:36:37,919
Speaker 2: a friend that says like she doesn't even book any

774
00:36:38,000 --> 00:36:41,280
Speaker 2: like work, call, meetings, conferences, nothing around her cycle. Because

775
00:36:41,280 --> 00:36:43,680
Speaker 2: she's like, I'm no good to anybody at that point.

776
00:36:44,040 --> 00:36:46,920
Speaker 2: So between that and then also just trying to be

777
00:36:46,960 --> 00:36:49,920
Speaker 2: more vocal with you and just saying you know what, babe,

778
00:36:49,920 --> 00:36:52,839
Speaker 2: I know it's approaching this time. I'm trying to hold

779
00:36:52,840 --> 00:36:53,360
Speaker 2: it together.

780
00:36:54,040 --> 00:36:54,239
Speaker 3: You know.

781
00:36:55,320 --> 00:36:58,160
Speaker 2: I apologize in advance if I come across a certain

782
00:36:58,200 --> 00:37:00,799
Speaker 2: kind of way because I don't. But that's the best

783
00:37:00,800 --> 00:37:02,800
Speaker 2: that i can do in the meantime while I'm trying

784
00:37:02,800 --> 00:37:05,000
Speaker 2: to figure out how to navigate the changes.

785
00:37:05,120 --> 00:37:07,640
Speaker 1: So I just want you to notice, right, Matt and

786
00:37:07,680 --> 00:37:10,480
Speaker 1: Josh haven't said anything right. And the reason why is

787
00:37:10,520 --> 00:37:13,680
Speaker 1: because men don't feel like we can even say anything

788
00:37:13,760 --> 00:37:17,040
Speaker 1: even when trouble. Is like, if a man were to

789
00:37:17,080 --> 00:37:19,000
Speaker 1: say to you, hey, when is your period starting, it's

790
00:37:19,000 --> 00:37:24,239
Speaker 1: automatically condescending, and it's perceived as because I'm a woman,

791
00:37:24,320 --> 00:37:28,120
Speaker 1: I'm being illogical when realistically, sometimes, as your husbands or

792
00:37:28,160 --> 00:37:30,120
Speaker 1: your spouse or someone, we really want to know.

793
00:37:30,560 --> 00:37:33,680
Speaker 3: What I'm asking is what would be the easiest way.

794
00:37:33,480 --> 00:37:37,200
Speaker 1: For us to start having this conversation within a relationship.

795
00:37:37,640 --> 00:37:39,359
Speaker 1: You and I don't have to worry about that. We've

796
00:37:39,400 --> 00:37:42,920
Speaker 1: been together twenty three years. I know, y'all For us

797
00:37:42,960 --> 00:37:46,200
Speaker 1: for you, Matt, for sure, I know this is familiar

798
00:37:46,239 --> 00:37:50,880
Speaker 1: for you if you have if you're a man, and

799
00:37:50,920 --> 00:37:52,759
Speaker 1: you like, I think my wife may be about to

800
00:37:52,760 --> 00:37:55,880
Speaker 1: start her period, how do you approach that conversation without

801
00:37:56,000 --> 00:38:00,440
Speaker 1: making her feel like you're dismissing her thoughts as just emotion,

802
00:38:00,560 --> 00:38:01,880
Speaker 1: Because that's what men struggle with.

803
00:38:01,960 --> 00:38:03,359
Speaker 3: Because I'm not gonna lie.

804
00:38:03,920 --> 00:38:07,080
Speaker 1: Sometimes it's hard to constantly be disrespected or be cut

805
00:38:07,120 --> 00:38:10,040
Speaker 1: off of b and then you want to say you're

806
00:38:10,080 --> 00:38:13,560
Speaker 1: your period starting, and then you're trying to be kind

807
00:38:13,640 --> 00:38:14,880
Speaker 1: and then they spas again.

808
00:38:15,440 --> 00:38:17,239
Speaker 3: At some point you got to realize too, like I

809
00:38:17,280 --> 00:38:18,400
Speaker 3: am a man and.

810
00:38:19,960 --> 00:38:21,960
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean yeah, if I'm being honest, And women

811
00:38:22,000 --> 00:38:23,719
Speaker 1: never want to hear this because women will say, well,

812
00:38:23,719 --> 00:38:25,279
Speaker 1: we the ones that get our period every month. And

813
00:38:25,320 --> 00:38:28,160
Speaker 1: I agree, That's why I'm trying to work with you.

814
00:38:28,200 --> 00:38:30,120
Speaker 1: But also while I'm trying to work with you, I

815
00:38:30,160 --> 00:38:32,680
Speaker 1: don't have to just take disrespect. Now, you're not a

816
00:38:32,719 --> 00:38:36,080
Speaker 1: disrespectful person, but there are some women who when they

817
00:38:36,120 --> 00:38:37,960
Speaker 1: go through this, they do get disrespectful.

818
00:38:38,160 --> 00:38:39,759
Speaker 4: We could say, hey, babe, we're gonna go get a

819
00:38:39,760 --> 00:38:47,400
Speaker 4: massage today, thirteen hundred minute massage that we're going to

820
00:38:47,440 --> 00:38:49,200
Speaker 4: stay cation by yourself, babe.

821
00:38:49,360 --> 00:38:53,040
Speaker 2: Uh huh, a staycation by yourself, babe. I know somebody

822
00:38:53,040 --> 00:38:55,960
Speaker 2: who like when she needs to gets checked into a hotel,

823
00:38:56,000 --> 00:38:59,919
Speaker 2: almost as if she gets checked into an institution. She'll

824
00:39:00,120 --> 00:39:02,479
Speaker 2: go for like the weekend, for example, if your period

825
00:39:02,520 --> 00:39:04,440
Speaker 2: falls on a Friday, I'm gonna stay in a hotel

826
00:39:04,480 --> 00:39:06,960
Speaker 2: and do a staycation alone in this moment, I love

827
00:39:07,000 --> 00:39:09,000
Speaker 2: that you have a support group like you have other

828
00:39:09,440 --> 00:39:11,960
Speaker 2: gentlemen who are going through very similar things, who are

829
00:39:12,280 --> 00:39:17,680
Speaker 2: in relationships, either married or long term relationships where y'all have.

830
00:39:17,480 --> 00:39:19,000
Speaker 3: We don't have that.

831
00:39:22,600 --> 00:39:24,640
Speaker 2: It's not avoiding it. It's just that we don't know.

832
00:39:25,080 --> 00:39:27,200
Speaker 2: We don't know how to navigate it. So it's hard

833
00:39:27,239 --> 00:39:29,120
Speaker 2: to tell y'all how to navigate it. The most I

834
00:39:29,120 --> 00:39:32,759
Speaker 2: could say is, if you do have somebody that you're

835
00:39:32,800 --> 00:39:35,040
Speaker 2: with in a relationship, I think you can just have

836
00:39:35,120 --> 00:39:38,360
Speaker 2: the conversation. Say I listened to Ellis ever After and

837
00:39:38,400 --> 00:39:41,160
Speaker 2: they were talking about hormones. Do you think that you're

838
00:39:41,200 --> 00:39:43,960
Speaker 2: experiencing anity symptoms? Babe? And it doesn't have to be

839
00:39:44,080 --> 00:39:46,759
Speaker 2: mid conversation. Don't wait till the argument to have the conversation.

840
00:39:47,120 --> 00:39:49,560
Speaker 2: It can be a conversation that can be had prior

841
00:39:49,600 --> 00:39:51,799
Speaker 2: to that, like do you feel like every month on

842
00:39:51,840 --> 00:39:54,920
Speaker 2: your cycle you become hormonal or you have you know,

843
00:39:56,200 --> 00:39:57,480
Speaker 2: mood issues.

844
00:40:00,239 --> 00:40:03,560
Speaker 6: I will say this, don't have the conversation if you

845
00:40:03,600 --> 00:40:06,120
Speaker 6: think she's having like her periods coming, just assume that

846
00:40:06,160 --> 00:40:09,800
Speaker 6: it's coming. Don't don't have that conversation at that time,

847
00:40:10,480 --> 00:40:13,719
Speaker 6: especially it's a trigger. Since it's triggering, I think the

848
00:40:13,800 --> 00:40:17,840
Speaker 6: conversation needs to happen once that cycle is done and

849
00:40:17,960 --> 00:40:21,440
Speaker 6: you can recap and talk about what happened and how

850
00:40:21,520 --> 00:40:24,160
Speaker 6: y'all y'all can better serve each other. Right For me,

851
00:40:24,360 --> 00:40:27,120
Speaker 6: my wife was like, Yo, there's certain things that you

852
00:40:27,239 --> 00:40:30,480
Speaker 6: do that's triggering me in his time. And at first

853
00:40:30,520 --> 00:40:33,080
Speaker 6: I'm like, wow, how can you say I'm triggering you

854
00:40:33,160 --> 00:40:36,560
Speaker 6: to for you to you know, act away? But I

855
00:40:36,640 --> 00:40:40,040
Speaker 6: realized I can't actually trigger her. I cannot behave the

856
00:40:40,080 --> 00:40:44,319
Speaker 6: way I'm like, I'm nitpiggy, or I'll I'll be miserabel

857
00:40:44,440 --> 00:40:47,080
Speaker 6: and it's time like Yo, what's what's this in the sync?

858
00:40:47,239 --> 00:40:49,360
Speaker 6: Or like why the place look like this or something

859
00:40:49,400 --> 00:40:51,600
Speaker 6: like that. Not to say that, you know, she's has

860
00:40:51,640 --> 00:40:54,640
Speaker 6: to be fully domestic, but I'll complain about something that

861
00:40:55,880 --> 00:40:59,319
Speaker 6: is minute right and then not sensing that she's in

862
00:40:59,360 --> 00:41:02,680
Speaker 6: a space that she can't give me natural energy like Yo,

863
00:41:03,640 --> 00:41:07,040
Speaker 6: I was working on my earrings at the table, I'll

864
00:41:07,080 --> 00:41:10,360
Speaker 6: clean it up later or whatever. I realize that certain

865
00:41:10,400 --> 00:41:12,759
Speaker 6: things that I do I can't trigger her. So that's

866
00:41:12,760 --> 00:41:15,120
Speaker 6: one thing that like a conversation that we've had in

867
00:41:15,160 --> 00:41:17,600
Speaker 6: the past. The next thing is, don't try to handle

868
00:41:17,640 --> 00:41:20,280
Speaker 6: it in the moment, Like, don't try to handle it why.

869
00:41:20,239 --> 00:41:23,680
Speaker 7: She's in that Yeah, because.

870
00:41:24,880 --> 00:41:28,239
Speaker 6: If you're thinking about, like she can't even handle her

871
00:41:28,280 --> 00:41:31,479
Speaker 6: own emotions now, deal with my questions about what's going

872
00:41:31,520 --> 00:41:36,040
Speaker 6: on right now. Like that's the biggest thing, like I've

873
00:41:36,160 --> 00:41:39,640
Speaker 6: learned in that moment is catering to her and what

874
00:41:39,680 --> 00:41:42,600
Speaker 6: she's dealing with. The third thing I've also noticed is

875
00:41:42,640 --> 00:41:45,640
Speaker 6: that of you guys talked about routines earlier, we might

876
00:41:45,680 --> 00:41:47,920
Speaker 6: not necessarily have a routine, but I need to take

877
00:41:47,960 --> 00:41:51,360
Speaker 6: her out of the space that she's in. For Nika personally, she's.

878
00:41:51,239 --> 00:41:53,560
Speaker 7: Traveling well every well.

879
00:41:54,040 --> 00:41:57,040
Speaker 6: Funny use that the hotel thing recently, you have a

880
00:41:57,040 --> 00:41:58,920
Speaker 6: friend that wants to go to hotel every month, every month,

881
00:41:58,960 --> 00:42:00,920
Speaker 6: and Nigga's going to I'm going to makeup. I'm going

882
00:42:00,920 --> 00:42:02,600
Speaker 6: to Jamaica spend a week with my dad. I want

883
00:42:02,600 --> 00:42:05,120
Speaker 6: to buy bother me. That's what she said. She never goes,

884
00:42:05,600 --> 00:42:07,360
Speaker 6: but that's that's what she wants. She feels like she

885
00:42:07,440 --> 00:42:11,360
Speaker 6: needs to get away from this immediate area and whatever

886
00:42:11,480 --> 00:42:16,440
Speaker 6: is causing or triggering these emotions, which probably it is

887
00:42:16,480 --> 00:42:17,040
Speaker 6: really nothing.

888
00:42:17,080 --> 00:42:19,120
Speaker 7: It's probably just the hormonal side effects.

889
00:42:19,120 --> 00:42:20,799
Speaker 2: But can ask she's never actually gone?

890
00:42:20,880 --> 00:42:23,920
Speaker 1: Can I ask a serious question, serious question to y'all ladies.

891
00:42:24,239 --> 00:42:25,920
Speaker 1: Do y'all hear all of the stuff that he has

892
00:42:25,960 --> 00:42:29,000
Speaker 1: to do as a man like to style step around

893
00:42:29,040 --> 00:42:30,280
Speaker 1: her emotions and hormone?

894
00:42:30,280 --> 00:42:32,040
Speaker 3: Do y'all hear it? Right?

895
00:42:32,520 --> 00:42:33,960
Speaker 1: This is part of the reason why Trip you said

896
00:42:33,960 --> 00:42:35,680
Speaker 1: it's hard for you standing relationships because you have to

897
00:42:35,719 --> 00:42:36,839
Speaker 1: do that with women too.

898
00:42:36,960 --> 00:42:37,080
Speaker 3: Right.

899
00:42:38,000 --> 00:42:40,400
Speaker 1: What I'm saying is, do y'all realize how much goes

900
00:42:40,440 --> 00:42:43,359
Speaker 1: into us being with you? And then when you say

901
00:42:43,360 --> 00:42:45,799
Speaker 1: to us like y'all just don't understand and you discard us.

902
00:42:45,840 --> 00:42:48,640
Speaker 3: That's why it hurts so much. You understand what I'm saying.

903
00:42:48,680 --> 00:42:50,600
Speaker 2: I completely understand. That's why I said I don't want

904
00:42:50,640 --> 00:42:53,239
Speaker 2: to fall behind the veil of this is just what

905
00:42:53,280 --> 00:42:55,320
Speaker 2: I'm dealing with and you have to deal with it.

906
00:42:55,320 --> 00:42:58,920
Speaker 2: It's literally acknowledging that there's something going on right and

907
00:42:58,960 --> 00:43:00,600
Speaker 2: there needs to be a way to fix it. I

908
00:43:00,719 --> 00:43:02,080
Speaker 2: have to find a way to fix it right.

909
00:43:02,120 --> 00:43:04,840
Speaker 1: But what I'm saying is is that when I asked, so,

910
00:43:04,920 --> 00:43:06,560
Speaker 1: what are you guys going to do to help us,

911
00:43:07,480 --> 00:43:10,799
Speaker 1: it automatically went to you should do this, don't do this,

912
00:43:10,880 --> 00:43:12,600
Speaker 1: don't do it. It went back to all the things I

913
00:43:12,719 --> 00:43:13,680
Speaker 1: have to style step.

914
00:43:13,760 --> 00:43:16,960
Speaker 2: Well, then what do y'all need this? No, let me ask,

915
00:43:17,000 --> 00:43:19,239
Speaker 2: let me pose the question that way. What do y'all need?

916
00:43:19,400 --> 00:43:19,640
Speaker 3: No?

917
00:43:19,520 --> 00:43:22,400
Speaker 1: No, no, we want y'all to be okay. All we

918
00:43:22,480 --> 00:43:24,319
Speaker 1: want is for y'all to be okay. So what we're

919
00:43:24,360 --> 00:43:26,680
Speaker 1: saying is we don't know because we don't even know

920
00:43:26,680 --> 00:43:28,400
Speaker 1: how to address it. I don't ever want to I

921
00:43:28,440 --> 00:43:30,200
Speaker 1: don't even want to ask the question in a way

922
00:43:30,200 --> 00:43:32,520
Speaker 1: where you get offended, because then that puts us in

923
00:43:32,560 --> 00:43:34,839
Speaker 1: a cycle of arguing. So what I'm saying is that

924
00:43:34,880 --> 00:43:38,279
Speaker 1: as you understand and learn your body, you can tell

925
00:43:38,360 --> 00:43:40,839
Speaker 1: me how you know what I'm saying. How, But when

926
00:43:40,920 --> 00:43:42,640
Speaker 1: I ask you, like, yo, how are you going to

927
00:43:42,680 --> 00:43:45,319
Speaker 1: show up for me? I also want you to put

928
00:43:45,360 --> 00:43:47,799
Speaker 1: the same care into it the same way. See how

929
00:43:47,840 --> 00:43:49,719
Speaker 1: we had the style step and Josh is like, I

930
00:43:49,760 --> 00:43:51,920
Speaker 1: did this, I did this, I did that to make

931
00:43:51,960 --> 00:43:55,200
Speaker 1: sure she's good. It's like, okay, So now when it

932
00:43:55,200 --> 00:43:57,919
Speaker 1: comes to us trying to understand it, what's your plan

933
00:43:58,000 --> 00:44:00,640
Speaker 1: to help us? Your plan seemed like was more stuff

934
00:44:00,680 --> 00:44:03,239
Speaker 1: for us to do. And what I'm saying is some

935
00:44:03,239 --> 00:44:05,279
Speaker 1: of the stuff you said. When we try that, it

936
00:44:05,320 --> 00:44:05,879
Speaker 1: doesn't work.

937
00:44:06,000 --> 00:44:08,399
Speaker 2: Okay, you know what I'm saying, So then count me in.

938
00:44:08,960 --> 00:44:11,320
Speaker 2: There's what thirty thirty one days in a month, count

939
00:44:11,320 --> 00:44:13,120
Speaker 2: me in for the other twenty one twenty two days.

940
00:44:13,520 --> 00:44:15,279
Speaker 2: That's when it's going to be my time to make

941
00:44:15,320 --> 00:44:17,080
Speaker 2: sure that I'm devoted to you and making sure that

942
00:44:17,160 --> 00:44:19,480
Speaker 2: you're going to get the things that you need. You

943
00:44:19,560 --> 00:44:21,920
Speaker 2: probably can't count on me while I'm on my cycle.

944
00:44:22,480 --> 00:44:24,400
Speaker 2: But if I'm going to be catering to you in

945
00:44:24,440 --> 00:44:26,080
Speaker 2: a moment where you feel like, Okay, at least I'm

946
00:44:26,120 --> 00:44:31,080
Speaker 2: getting some version of my wife for three fourths of

947
00:44:31,120 --> 00:44:33,840
Speaker 2: the month, then would that be suffice?

948
00:44:33,960 --> 00:44:35,680
Speaker 7: But are we actually getting you for three fourths of

949
00:44:35,680 --> 00:44:40,200
Speaker 7: the month if there's other hormones of stuff that happened pre.

950
00:44:40,239 --> 00:44:41,799
Speaker 3: Right, That's that's what we're saying.

951
00:44:42,120 --> 00:44:44,319
Speaker 2: I'm allotting like a week because I say, I figure

952
00:44:44,360 --> 00:44:46,080
Speaker 2: it's like, you know, three or four days before the

953
00:44:46,120 --> 00:44:48,520
Speaker 2: cycle and then usually like my first two days. So

954
00:44:48,680 --> 00:44:50,759
Speaker 2: everyone's cycle is different, so I don't know how it

955
00:44:50,760 --> 00:44:53,000
Speaker 2: would work. Typically because some women are regular and they

956
00:44:53,000 --> 00:44:54,839
Speaker 2: bleed every month twice a month, three times a month.

957
00:44:55,040 --> 00:44:57,400
Speaker 2: I'm a pretty standard twenty eight day kind of girl.

958
00:44:57,520 --> 00:44:59,919
Speaker 2: So for me, I know that there's at least seven

959
00:45:00,239 --> 00:45:04,000
Speaker 2: to eight days where I'm just like pre period done.

960
00:45:04,680 --> 00:45:08,040
Speaker 2: So I can't speak for everyone, but my aim is

961
00:45:08,080 --> 00:45:12,200
Speaker 2: to once that's done, be able to regain and gain

962
00:45:12,239 --> 00:45:15,359
Speaker 2: control of my life and our interactions and making sure

963
00:45:15,360 --> 00:45:17,479
Speaker 2: that you're getting the most out of me in those

964
00:45:17,520 --> 00:45:20,239
Speaker 2: times where I know I'm in the clear, which is

965
00:45:20,239 --> 00:45:23,879
Speaker 2: typically right after my period leading up to a couple

966
00:45:23,920 --> 00:45:24,520
Speaker 2: of days before.

967
00:45:24,800 --> 00:45:28,960
Speaker 4: I feel like that's fair because I think too this

968
00:45:30,160 --> 00:45:32,400
Speaker 4: these hormones are a little bit harder for somebody who

969
00:45:32,480 --> 00:45:35,840
Speaker 4: is in a relationship, like for me, I think lately

970
00:45:36,280 --> 00:45:38,239
Speaker 4: I'm in a cycle where I'm not having as many

971
00:45:38,280 --> 00:45:41,759
Speaker 4: emotional PMS symptoms, but I live by myself, so I

972
00:45:41,880 --> 00:45:44,680
Speaker 4: noticed that the days in the ludio phase. The days

973
00:45:44,719 --> 00:45:48,680
Speaker 4: before my period, my house is dirty, I'm eating constantly.

974
00:45:49,239 --> 00:45:51,759
Speaker 4: I'm like so tired. I'm not you know what I'm saying.

975
00:45:51,760 --> 00:45:53,160
Speaker 4: And I might start to feel like, oh my god,

976
00:45:53,160 --> 00:45:55,080
Speaker 4: am I dying because I'm really tired, And then my

977
00:45:55,120 --> 00:45:57,040
Speaker 4: period starts and all of a sudden, I'm like, oh,

978
00:45:57,400 --> 00:45:59,440
Speaker 4: I can cleave my apartment. I'm gonna cook some food.

979
00:46:00,360 --> 00:46:02,920
Speaker 4: When you're in a relationship, you're living with somebody, and

980
00:46:02,960 --> 00:46:04,920
Speaker 4: I can just do that because ain't nobody telling me

981
00:46:04,960 --> 00:46:07,520
Speaker 4: to clean shit up. Nobody's expecting me to cook, nobody's

982
00:46:07,560 --> 00:46:10,160
Speaker 4: expecting me to have any energy. But when you're in

983
00:46:10,160 --> 00:46:13,120
Speaker 4: a relationship, you're on the hook for somebody else during

984
00:46:13,120 --> 00:46:16,239
Speaker 4: that time, and it could just be harder on your

985
00:46:16,280 --> 00:46:19,080
Speaker 4: mental health. Now you can have more anxiety, because that's

986
00:46:19,120 --> 00:46:22,000
Speaker 4: what progesterone helps to control. It's your anxiety. Now you

987
00:46:22,040 --> 00:46:26,800
Speaker 4: got anxiety. Now you're feeling like frustrated or you're feeling depressed.

988
00:46:26,560 --> 00:46:30,439
Speaker 2: Literally anxiety, frustrated. Those are exactly how I was feeling.

989
00:46:30,760 --> 00:46:33,200
Speaker 4: Because there's nothing you can really do. Your body is

990
00:46:33,280 --> 00:46:37,319
Speaker 4: like no, sit down, you don't have it just and

991
00:46:37,360 --> 00:46:40,360
Speaker 4: you can't do that when you there's other people relying

992
00:46:40,400 --> 00:46:41,560
Speaker 4: on yeah, yeah.

993
00:46:41,360 --> 00:46:43,920
Speaker 1: Which is where I think what you said is fair,

994
00:46:44,120 --> 00:46:46,359
Speaker 1: and I think what Triple is saying makes the most sense.

995
00:46:46,400 --> 00:46:48,600
Speaker 1: And this is where the struggle comes in with relationships,

996
00:46:48,719 --> 00:46:50,760
Speaker 1: because what Matt was pointing out is if they're supposed

997
00:46:50,760 --> 00:46:52,920
Speaker 1: to be twenty one other days that we're supposed to

998
00:46:52,920 --> 00:46:56,040
Speaker 1: get because for those seven days, your spouse is supposed

999
00:46:56,080 --> 00:46:58,040
Speaker 1: to understand if she want to go on vacation, if

1000
00:46:58,080 --> 00:46:59,719
Speaker 1: she want to do X, y Z, if she wanted

1001
00:46:59,680 --> 00:47:01,840
Speaker 1: to do it, I got to let her do that

1002
00:47:01,840 --> 00:47:03,000
Speaker 1: because she's going through something.

1003
00:47:03,040 --> 00:47:04,760
Speaker 3: But then here comes the twenty one days.

1004
00:47:04,600 --> 00:47:06,960
Speaker 1: When it starts, and then it's well, Kaz got to

1005
00:47:07,000 --> 00:47:08,759
Speaker 1: do this, and then Coda got to do this, and

1006
00:47:08,760 --> 00:47:11,640
Speaker 1: then me and me needs this. That's sometimes where the

1007
00:47:11,960 --> 00:47:15,600
Speaker 1: disconnect happens because it's like you expect us to just

1008
00:47:15,680 --> 00:47:18,480
Speaker 1: relinquish everything and let you have your space when you

1009
00:47:18,520 --> 00:47:20,840
Speaker 1: need it, and it's like, cool, we've done that. So

1010
00:47:20,880 --> 00:47:22,560
Speaker 1: then when it's our turn, then it's like, well, you

1011
00:47:22,560 --> 00:47:24,439
Speaker 1: got to understand I was going through something and these

1012
00:47:24,440 --> 00:47:27,920
Speaker 1: things are more important. Sometimes us as spouses are like

1013
00:47:28,600 --> 00:47:32,680
Speaker 1: when is my reprieve right? And I'm not saying that

1014
00:47:33,040 --> 00:47:35,760
Speaker 1: you don't deserve a reprieve. I'm saying women do deserve

1015
00:47:35,800 --> 00:47:38,280
Speaker 1: a reprieve because you're going through it. What I'm saying

1016
00:47:38,360 --> 00:47:40,400
Speaker 1: is that y'all also have to recognize that if you

1017
00:47:40,440 --> 00:47:43,200
Speaker 1: do have a partner, you're asking your partner to be

1018
00:47:43,520 --> 00:47:46,919
Speaker 1: your reprieve when you need it. But then when he's

1019
00:47:46,920 --> 00:47:49,480
Speaker 1: supposed to get reprieve, understand it, you can't give him

1020
00:47:49,480 --> 00:47:51,399
Speaker 1: his reprieve because you have other things to do.

1021
00:47:51,719 --> 00:47:54,399
Speaker 3: Well for us as men, but but for us as men.

1022
00:47:54,600 --> 00:47:56,439
Speaker 1: A lot of times, that's when we start to feel

1023
00:47:56,520 --> 00:48:00,319
Speaker 1: like it's very one sided. And we're not trying to

1024
00:48:00,360 --> 00:48:03,160
Speaker 1: discredit or discount you guys and what you're going through,

1025
00:48:03,480 --> 00:48:06,600
Speaker 1: but it's like, at what point do matter?

1026
00:48:06,880 --> 00:48:08,520
Speaker 3: I matter? Thank you? You know what I'm saying.

1027
00:48:08,560 --> 00:48:10,680
Speaker 1: And then even when you try to express that in

1028
00:48:10,719 --> 00:48:13,400
Speaker 1: these conversations, the first thing you hear is will be

1029
00:48:13,440 --> 00:48:15,839
Speaker 1: a man you acting like a boy, because a man

1030
00:48:15,880 --> 00:48:18,040
Speaker 1: would understand, you know what I'm saying. But it's like,

1031
00:48:18,680 --> 00:48:21,960
Speaker 1: so you guys are the only gender that get understanding.

1032
00:48:22,000 --> 00:48:24,520
Speaker 1: That's how it comes across, not from you guys, because

1033
00:48:24,520 --> 00:48:28,399
Speaker 1: we're actually talking about this, but these conversations like this

1034
00:48:28,880 --> 00:48:31,880
Speaker 1: don't happen with this level of understanding often, you know

1035
00:48:31,920 --> 00:48:34,239
Speaker 1: what I'm saying, Like, how many times have you seen

1036
00:48:34,280 --> 00:48:35,799
Speaker 1: groups of women and men have this.

1037
00:48:35,800 --> 00:48:40,040
Speaker 3: And what happens? Defense? Defense, no understanding argue.

1038
00:48:40,440 --> 00:48:42,520
Speaker 1: That's why, you know, I just feel like it's important

1039
00:48:42,640 --> 00:48:45,760
Speaker 1: to just express from a man's standpoint, how we feel.

1040
00:48:46,040 --> 00:48:48,600
Speaker 1: I will honestly say, I never feel like that, because

1041
00:48:48,600 --> 00:48:51,160
Speaker 1: you don't make me feel like that. We have the

1042
00:48:51,200 --> 00:48:53,759
Speaker 1: conversations the same way, even with Trible. I can have

1043
00:48:53,800 --> 00:48:56,080
Speaker 1: a conversation with Tribble about hormones, and we can talk

1044
00:48:56,120 --> 00:48:59,480
Speaker 1: about statistics and stuff. What I'm saying is that a

1045
00:48:59,480 --> 00:49:01,879
Speaker 1: lot of women need to hear that if you really

1046
00:49:01,920 --> 00:49:05,280
Speaker 1: want to be in a relationship with anybody, man or woman,

1047
00:49:05,800 --> 00:49:08,080
Speaker 1: you have to be willing to put your guard down

1048
00:49:08,640 --> 00:49:10,279
Speaker 1: a little bit and say, you know what, I may

1049
00:49:10,320 --> 00:49:13,080
Speaker 1: be going through something and my spouse and my partner,

1050
00:49:13,200 --> 00:49:15,600
Speaker 1: we have to have conversations about it, yeah, you know,

1051
00:49:15,719 --> 00:49:18,120
Speaker 1: rather than just yo, I'm dealing with this, I need

1052
00:49:18,120 --> 00:49:20,720
Speaker 1: three four days you deal with that one like that.

1053
00:49:20,719 --> 00:49:21,399
Speaker 3: That can't be.

1054
00:49:21,760 --> 00:49:23,799
Speaker 2: No, it can't, you know. And I've had to check

1055
00:49:23,840 --> 00:49:26,319
Speaker 2: myself on that because I realized, at least in the

1056
00:49:26,360 --> 00:49:30,160
Speaker 2: past like two three months, that I've been a little funky,

1057
00:49:30,400 --> 00:49:31,760
Speaker 2: not you know, funky mood.

1058
00:49:31,920 --> 00:49:34,560
Speaker 3: No, we know why, and I know why.

1059
00:49:34,719 --> 00:49:38,799
Speaker 2: Yeah, because there were also some other outside two that

1060
00:49:38,880 --> 00:49:41,680
Speaker 2: I think heightened everything for me in the past two

1061
00:49:41,760 --> 00:49:44,160
Speaker 2: or three months, right, lots of other like familial stuff.

1062
00:49:44,160 --> 00:49:45,960
Speaker 2: My dad had a stroke, is that Tha went back

1063
00:49:45,960 --> 00:49:46,320
Speaker 2: to school.

1064
00:49:46,360 --> 00:49:48,400
Speaker 3: Yeah, we were looking for the property. There were other

1065
00:49:48,440 --> 00:49:49,560
Speaker 3: things that also affected the more.

1066
00:49:50,120 --> 00:49:52,760
Speaker 2: But I don't want to be the wife that's like, Babe,

1067
00:49:52,800 --> 00:49:56,239
Speaker 2: you have to understand again because all these other things

1068
00:49:56,280 --> 00:49:59,640
Speaker 2: are happening. Because what happens life is continually happening. There's

1069
00:49:59,680 --> 00:50:02,320
Speaker 2: always it's something that's going to pop up, there's always

1070
00:50:02,320 --> 00:50:04,680
Speaker 2: something that needs to be done. And with us, for example,

1071
00:50:05,200 --> 00:50:08,200
Speaker 2: having a household with four children, two additional parents who

1072
00:50:08,239 --> 00:50:10,120
Speaker 2: are like you know, we have to take care of

1073
00:50:10,160 --> 00:50:12,400
Speaker 2: as well too. There are a lot of moving parts

1074
00:50:12,440 --> 00:50:16,520
Speaker 2: and sometimes I'm overstimulated. I'm exhausted. I got so much happening.

1075
00:50:16,560 --> 00:50:19,279
Speaker 2: And then I realized, like, I can't expect for you

1076
00:50:19,760 --> 00:50:22,840
Speaker 2: to always be the one to understand. So more recently,

1077
00:50:22,880 --> 00:50:24,960
Speaker 2: I'm like, I don't know if you've noticed or if

1078
00:50:24,960 --> 00:50:27,080
Speaker 2: it's made an impact yet, because I know you like

1079
00:50:27,120 --> 00:50:29,120
Speaker 2: consistency and it has to go for a certain amount

1080
00:50:29,160 --> 00:50:31,040
Speaker 2: of time for you to see the change. But I've

1081
00:50:31,040 --> 00:50:34,719
Speaker 2: been like, Babe, let's go here, Babe. I booked, you know,

1082
00:50:34,880 --> 00:50:36,680
Speaker 2: a bay at Top Golf. Let's just get out the

1083
00:50:36,680 --> 00:50:39,080
Speaker 2: house for a little bit, Babe. I'm going to Miami

1084
00:50:39,120 --> 00:50:41,800
Speaker 2: for Christmas Birthday weekend. It's kind of a girl strip,

1085
00:50:41,840 --> 00:50:43,279
Speaker 2: but you can come chill in the hotel and be

1086
00:50:43,320 --> 00:50:45,719
Speaker 2: there while I'm you know, I'm trying to find ways

1087
00:50:46,080 --> 00:50:48,319
Speaker 2: for you to see damn okay, Kate is trying to

1088
00:50:48,400 --> 00:50:53,319
Speaker 2: prioritize me getting my alone quality time. That matters to you,

1089
00:50:53,960 --> 00:50:55,600
Speaker 2: and it matters to me too, Like I don't want

1090
00:50:55,640 --> 00:50:58,600
Speaker 2: you to feel like you're just existing and you're always

1091
00:50:58,680 --> 00:51:01,680
Speaker 2: dropping to the end of the the total poll because

1092
00:51:01,680 --> 00:51:03,640
Speaker 2: it isn't fair. But to your point, there are a

1093
00:51:03,680 --> 00:51:05,880
Speaker 2: lot of people who aren't having the open conversations like this.

1094
00:51:05,960 --> 00:51:09,120
Speaker 2: I think it's greatly helped us having the conversations and

1095
00:51:09,160 --> 00:51:12,640
Speaker 2: me putting the defense down and really taking accountability for

1096
00:51:12,719 --> 00:51:15,560
Speaker 2: how I've been, you know, for the past couple months,

1097
00:51:15,760 --> 00:51:17,800
Speaker 2: so that way we can find some kind of solution.

1098
00:51:18,040 --> 00:51:20,080
Speaker 1: I agree that to me, that was the biggest thing,

1099
00:51:20,280 --> 00:51:23,120
Speaker 1: and that's why I always applaud Josh, because Josh was

1100
00:51:23,160 --> 00:51:25,440
Speaker 1: the one that used to be like Yode, the things

1101
00:51:25,440 --> 00:51:28,239
Speaker 1: that are happening are not happening to you because of you.

1102
00:51:29,080 --> 00:51:33,239
Speaker 1: There's something that's happening to her and the byproduct of that,

1103
00:51:33,800 --> 00:51:35,919
Speaker 1: and you have to learn to understand that once it's

1104
00:51:35,960 --> 00:51:39,600
Speaker 1: not happening to you. But then also don't just discard

1105
00:51:39,600 --> 00:51:41,800
Speaker 1: it because it's not happening to you. And that's my

1106
00:51:41,920 --> 00:51:44,040
Speaker 1: message to men would be like, yeah, the same way

1107
00:51:44,080 --> 00:51:46,400
Speaker 1: your message is like, this isn't fair. We can't always

1108
00:51:46,440 --> 00:51:48,920
Speaker 1: discard them. My message would be with the same thing

1109
00:51:48,960 --> 00:51:52,440
Speaker 1: Josh told me. It's not happening to devour, It's happening

1110
00:51:52,480 --> 00:51:55,000
Speaker 1: two k. So let's be in this together. So I

1111
00:51:55,040 --> 00:51:58,719
Speaker 1: think that that, to me is the over arching conversation,

1112
00:51:59,360 --> 00:52:02,440
Speaker 1: is that if you're married to someone and they're going through.

1113
00:52:02,280 --> 00:52:04,879
Speaker 3: Hormonal changes, they are not we are.

1114
00:52:05,360 --> 00:52:06,719
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying. I feel like we are

1115
00:52:06,719 --> 00:52:09,400
Speaker 1: going through same thing. With pregnancy, it was never your pregnant,

1116
00:52:09,440 --> 00:52:10,320
Speaker 1: it was we're pregnant.

1117
00:52:10,680 --> 00:52:12,200
Speaker 3: You didn't have a child. We had a child.

1118
00:52:12,600 --> 00:52:14,560
Speaker 1: When you start taking that on as a man where

1119
00:52:14,600 --> 00:52:18,279
Speaker 1: it's like us and it's our thing. Now you can

1120
00:52:18,360 --> 00:52:20,680
Speaker 1: laugh at it a little bit because you like, what's happening. Well,

1121
00:52:20,719 --> 00:52:23,160
Speaker 1: we got our hormones this month. And I did see

1122
00:52:23,280 --> 00:52:25,040
Speaker 1: a couple of comments with a couple of men were

1123
00:52:25,120 --> 00:52:28,759
Speaker 1: just like, you know, well, she don't respect you, she

1124
00:52:28,800 --> 00:52:31,120
Speaker 1: would respect her boss if she goes to work and

1125
00:52:31,120 --> 00:52:32,400
Speaker 1: stuff like that. And then I seen a couple of

1126
00:52:32,400 --> 00:52:35,640
Speaker 1: women be like, no, anybody can get it on any giving.

1127
00:52:36,239 --> 00:52:38,480
Speaker 2: It's so true. My friend said she don't have no

1128
00:52:38,520 --> 00:52:39,759
Speaker 2: meet and she was like, girl, I don't have a

1129
00:52:39,800 --> 00:52:42,480
Speaker 2: conference call, don't clock me in. I'm i zooming nobody

1130
00:52:42,760 --> 00:52:45,120
Speaker 2: on these days. You just don't want to be bothered

1131
00:52:45,160 --> 00:52:47,279
Speaker 2: with people. I think it was your trying to find

1132
00:52:47,280 --> 00:52:50,920
Speaker 2: that you had sent me a post on Instagram that

1133
00:52:51,000 --> 00:52:54,839
Speaker 2: talked about like a man's hormonal clock. It's like daily women,

1134
00:52:54,960 --> 00:52:57,120
Speaker 2: So men deal with hormonal things daily.

1135
00:52:57,280 --> 00:52:57,560
Speaker 3: Is that?

1136
00:52:57,800 --> 00:52:58,839
Speaker 2: Is that a true thing?

1137
00:52:59,400 --> 00:52:59,960
Speaker 3: Absolutely?

1138
00:53:00,440 --> 00:53:02,200
Speaker 1: I'll say honestly, When you wake up in the morning,

1139
00:53:02,239 --> 00:53:04,800
Speaker 1: your testosterone super high, you feel like you can conquer

1140
00:53:04,800 --> 00:53:07,879
Speaker 1: the world, like everything feels good. As your testosterone dips

1141
00:53:07,920 --> 00:53:09,560
Speaker 1: throughout the day, especially at the end of the night,

1142
00:53:09,960 --> 00:53:11,040
Speaker 1: your patients.

1143
00:53:10,600 --> 00:53:13,680
Speaker 3: Get low, you get irritable. It's it's a real thing.

1144
00:53:13,760 --> 00:53:14,920
Speaker 7: Don't look at your bank account.

1145
00:53:15,040 --> 00:53:20,640
Speaker 3: So bank account help affects out hormones big time. Okay, right, notification.

1146
00:53:21,600 --> 00:53:24,759
Speaker 1: Just imagine and this also was not an excuse. Imagine

1147
00:53:24,960 --> 00:53:28,000
Speaker 1: your money low. You didn't have the kids all day

1148
00:53:28,000 --> 00:53:31,600
Speaker 1: because your wife is on her menstrul So this like

1149
00:53:31,600 --> 00:53:33,319
Speaker 1: the second day. She been in the dark for two

1150
00:53:33,440 --> 00:53:36,080
Speaker 1: three days. You're not even talking. Kids on you, You

1151
00:53:36,200 --> 00:53:38,520
Speaker 1: trying to pay bills, you ain't getting none. Now your

1152
00:53:38,560 --> 00:53:41,719
Speaker 1: testosterone dip and then you go to say something, well, hey, babe,

1153
00:53:41,760 --> 00:53:43,120
Speaker 1: can I get a hug? And it's like, don't fucking

1154
00:53:43,160 --> 00:53:47,200
Speaker 1: touch me. Sometimes dudes be losing it too, bro, Like,

1155
00:53:47,760 --> 00:53:49,439
Speaker 1: men have hormones.

1156
00:53:48,840 --> 00:53:50,759
Speaker 2: Too, you know what I'm sr So I found it.

1157
00:53:50,800 --> 00:53:53,040
Speaker 2: So the men have a twenty four hour cycle, so

1158
00:53:53,120 --> 00:53:55,680
Speaker 2: their testosterone peaks and it's the highest in the morning.

1159
00:53:55,719 --> 00:53:58,960
Speaker 2: They feel focused, alert, ready to go. Midday it's still high.

1160
00:53:59,040 --> 00:54:02,000
Speaker 2: You feel social, confident, and productive. By the afternoon it

1161
00:54:02,000 --> 00:54:04,280
Speaker 2: starts to dip, so you start to feel more tired

1162
00:54:04,320 --> 00:54:06,719
Speaker 2: and more quiet. You wind down to the night time

1163
00:54:06,760 --> 00:54:08,680
Speaker 2: when it's its lowest, and that's when you're ready for sleep.

1164
00:54:09,040 --> 00:54:11,440
Speaker 2: Is that why morning sets hits the way it does

1165
00:54:11,760 --> 00:54:12,280
Speaker 2: for y'all?

1166
00:54:12,520 --> 00:54:15,920
Speaker 3: Absolutely, listen, my testosics high babies.

1167
00:54:16,480 --> 00:54:18,640
Speaker 2: I don't think de Val is not a typical twenty

1168
00:54:18,640 --> 00:54:21,360
Speaker 2: four hour cycle mail he's high all the time. No,

1169
00:54:21,560 --> 00:54:23,400
Speaker 2: I mean I don't ever feel like you're never not

1170
00:54:23,480 --> 00:54:24,800
Speaker 2: high highest relative.

1171
00:54:24,880 --> 00:54:27,600
Speaker 1: I do have high tystostam, especially for someone my age.

1172
00:54:27,719 --> 00:54:29,400
Speaker 1: You know, all of the lifting and all the years

1173
00:54:29,560 --> 00:54:31,279
Speaker 1: of being an athlete and still running and.

1174
00:54:31,200 --> 00:54:31,839
Speaker 3: Stuff like that.

1175
00:54:31,880 --> 00:54:35,640
Speaker 1: But at night times I am more fatigued, Like I

1176
00:54:35,680 --> 00:54:38,839
Speaker 1: get past six o'clock and it's like I'm not even

1177
00:54:38,960 --> 00:54:42,160
Speaker 1: like huh, I don't want to go out no more.

1178
00:54:42,520 --> 00:54:44,319
Speaker 1: Some days I don't even really want to eat. I'm

1179
00:54:44,360 --> 00:54:46,560
Speaker 1: just you know, I'm just tired because there's so many

1180
00:54:46,600 --> 00:54:49,000
Speaker 1: things that going throughout today on top of trying to

1181
00:54:49,000 --> 00:54:51,200
Speaker 1: make sure And this is just if your dad or

1182
00:54:51,239 --> 00:54:53,520
Speaker 1: your husband and you you try to sit in that

1183
00:54:53,560 --> 00:54:56,440
Speaker 1: space where you want to protect everybody, you spend your

1184
00:54:56,480 --> 00:55:02,760
Speaker 1: whole day worrying about everybody, parents, brothers, sisters, friends, you know, wife, kids,

1185
00:55:03,040 --> 00:55:06,640
Speaker 1: job And what Josh said was so real.

1186
00:55:06,760 --> 00:55:06,920
Speaker 5: Yo.

1187
00:55:07,560 --> 00:55:09,360
Speaker 1: If you look in your bank account and it's not

1188
00:55:09,400 --> 00:55:12,680
Speaker 1: where you want it to be, your testosterone automatically dips,

1189
00:55:12,719 --> 00:55:13,240
Speaker 1: like it's.

1190
00:55:13,160 --> 00:55:14,200
Speaker 2: Just different triggers.

1191
00:55:14,280 --> 00:55:16,319
Speaker 1: It is a trigger, bro it's a real thing, and

1192
00:55:16,360 --> 00:55:18,279
Speaker 1: then you be irritable and then people like what you're

1193
00:55:18,280 --> 00:55:21,200
Speaker 1: invitable for and you just like, I RS took some money.

1194
00:55:21,200 --> 00:55:24,040
Speaker 3: You know, it's like it should be happening. Sometimes it happens.

1195
00:55:24,080 --> 00:55:25,040
Speaker 2: Yeah, that is a fact.

1196
00:55:25,160 --> 00:55:25,480
Speaker 3: Yeah.

1197
00:55:25,520 --> 00:55:28,160
Speaker 2: So we're on a more twenty eight day cycle, so

1198
00:55:28,200 --> 00:55:30,440
Speaker 2: it's like a week two week thing. I feel like

1199
00:55:30,760 --> 00:55:34,280
Speaker 2: Follic Kuller cycle, which is when estraton is the highest.

1200
00:55:34,280 --> 00:55:36,800
Speaker 2: You feel motivated, clear, and energize. That's like right after

1201
00:55:37,320 --> 00:55:42,680
Speaker 2: right after onflow packs of bags and leaves towns reulation.

1202
00:55:42,400 --> 00:55:45,160
Speaker 3: Phase best seven days, Well, it goes.

1203
00:55:45,040 --> 00:55:47,560
Speaker 2: Into ovulation phase. That's when women typically have a spike

1204
00:55:47,640 --> 00:55:50,279
Speaker 2: because that's when our bodies are trying to potentially have

1205
00:55:50,320 --> 00:55:53,399
Speaker 2: a baby. And then all goes downhill. It's like you're

1206
00:55:53,400 --> 00:55:55,480
Speaker 2: at the top of the roller coaster and it goes downhill.

1207
00:55:55,800 --> 00:55:58,040
Speaker 2: Loulial phase, and then of course the mentoral phase. So

1208
00:55:58,080 --> 00:56:00,479
Speaker 2: it's four different phases twenty eight days as you figure

1209
00:56:00,520 --> 00:56:01,160
Speaker 2: a week for each.

1210
00:56:02,760 --> 00:56:08,279
Speaker 3: God bless us al please please all right.

1211
00:56:08,320 --> 00:56:10,680
Speaker 2: Also, I guess no op or no app, no op

1212
00:56:10,800 --> 00:56:13,560
Speaker 2: or no opp for this episode. Since we had so

1213
00:56:13,640 --> 00:56:15,919
Speaker 2: much to talk about, We're gonna take a quick break,

1214
00:56:15,920 --> 00:56:31,759
Speaker 2: and we're gonna get back into a listener letter. All right,

1215
00:56:32,120 --> 00:56:35,399
Speaker 2: and we're back. Let's dive in. Sorry this took so long.

1216
00:56:35,440 --> 00:56:38,319
Speaker 2: I'm in a dilemma. Sorry, this is so long. I

1217
00:56:38,320 --> 00:56:39,399
Speaker 2: took so longer where you've been?

1218
00:56:39,719 --> 00:56:40,000
Speaker 7: All right?

1219
00:56:40,040 --> 00:56:42,319
Speaker 2: Sorry this is so long. I'm in a dilemma. I'm

1220
00:56:42,320 --> 00:56:45,280
Speaker 2: a fifty one year old female, married with three children,

1221
00:56:45,600 --> 00:56:47,480
Speaker 2: and I look very good for my age. I'm gonna say,

1222
00:56:47,560 --> 00:56:51,760
Speaker 2: get a girl, one married and one married and lives

1223
00:56:51,800 --> 00:56:54,239
Speaker 2: out of state. Two girls, an eighteen year old and

1224
00:56:54,239 --> 00:56:57,080
Speaker 2: a thirteen year old with autism. My husband and my

1225
00:56:57,600 --> 00:57:01,040
Speaker 2: eighteen year old are both able bodied, but always calling

1226
00:57:01,080 --> 00:57:03,840
Speaker 2: me asking me to do things like make them something

1227
00:57:03,880 --> 00:57:07,120
Speaker 2: to eat, or bring them something, or ask to wash

1228
00:57:07,120 --> 00:57:09,479
Speaker 2: your iron something. Now, as a mom and a wife,

1229
00:57:09,480 --> 00:57:12,680
Speaker 2: I don't mind doing these things, but all day, every day,

1230
00:57:14,600 --> 00:57:16,200
Speaker 2: I can't even sit and watch a show or a

1231
00:57:16,240 --> 00:57:18,400
Speaker 2: movie without one of them calling me to ask me

1232
00:57:18,480 --> 00:57:21,480
Speaker 2: for something. My twelve year old with autism is the

1233
00:57:21,520 --> 00:57:23,880
Speaker 2: only one that I should be catering to like this

1234
00:57:24,040 --> 00:57:26,840
Speaker 2: all the time, because she's not one hundred percent self sufficient.

1235
00:57:27,320 --> 00:57:29,600
Speaker 2: I do these things not only because I want to

1236
00:57:29,640 --> 00:57:31,760
Speaker 2: be sure I'm a good wife and a good mom,

1237
00:57:32,120 --> 00:57:34,360
Speaker 2: but also to reach some type of benefit like a

1238
00:57:34,440 --> 00:57:36,800
Speaker 2: nice birthday gift or a Mother's Day gift. But I

1239
00:57:36,840 --> 00:57:40,040
Speaker 2: don't get either. I'm at a breaking point and ready

1240
00:57:40,080 --> 00:57:43,400
Speaker 2: to tell them both no, do it or get it yourself.

1241
00:57:43,680 --> 00:57:45,480
Speaker 2: My husband and I have not had sex.

1242
00:57:45,280 --> 00:57:45,920
Speaker 4: In four.

1243
00:57:47,320 --> 00:57:51,400
Speaker 2: Four years. It's not because of infidelity, because he's home

1244
00:57:51,480 --> 00:57:54,200
Speaker 2: way too much to be cheating. There's a lot of wives,

1245
00:57:54,240 --> 00:57:56,800
Speaker 2: way too much to be cheating. He's a diabetic and

1246
00:57:56,840 --> 00:57:59,760
Speaker 2: overweight and on medication that is actually getting in the

1247
00:57:59,800 --> 00:58:02,520
Speaker 2: way way of his sex drive. His doctor told him

1248
00:58:02,560 --> 00:58:04,360
Speaker 2: what needs what he needs to do to get off

1249
00:58:04,400 --> 00:58:06,880
Speaker 2: the meds by losing the weight and eating right to

1250
00:58:07,000 --> 00:58:09,320
Speaker 2: be able to please his wife. But he's just being

1251
00:58:09,360 --> 00:58:12,480
Speaker 2: selfish and not doing it. Yikes. I don't want to

1252
00:58:12,480 --> 00:58:15,000
Speaker 2: divorce him or cheat on him, but he's making it

1253
00:58:15,120 --> 00:58:17,360
Speaker 2: very difficult. I have a toy, but I'm tired of

1254
00:58:17,400 --> 00:58:20,439
Speaker 2: being the only one giving myself an orgasm. I love

1255
00:58:20,480 --> 00:58:23,600
Speaker 2: my family, but y'all, I'm tired. Kadeen, what would you

1256
00:58:23,640 --> 00:58:25,880
Speaker 2: do in both of these scenarios and deval if you

1257
00:58:25,960 --> 00:58:28,440
Speaker 2: were not willing to satisfy your wife? Do you expect

1258
00:58:28,480 --> 00:58:29,640
Speaker 2: her to remain faithful to you.

1259
00:58:30,160 --> 00:58:31,960
Speaker 3: Wow. Wow, Wow.

1260
00:58:32,560 --> 00:58:35,240
Speaker 2: I have hinted around and talked to my husband so

1261
00:58:35,360 --> 00:58:38,760
Speaker 2: many times and I'm done hinting and talking. I feel

1262
00:58:38,760 --> 00:58:41,360
Speaker 2: like a maid, not a wife and a mom. Please help.

1263
00:58:42,080 --> 00:58:44,840
Speaker 6: I feel for her, man, Yeah, I know I feel

1264
00:58:44,840 --> 00:58:47,440
Speaker 6: for her. I do ablebody, man, and an eighteen year

1265
00:58:47,440 --> 00:58:50,200
Speaker 6: old not doing nothing? And you can't even get through

1266
00:58:50,200 --> 00:58:50,840
Speaker 6: a TV show?

1267
00:58:50,880 --> 00:58:51,480
Speaker 3: There's no way.

1268
00:58:51,720 --> 00:58:52,040
Speaker 5: Yeah.

1269
00:58:52,160 --> 00:58:54,800
Speaker 1: First of all, I say this all the time to

1270
00:58:54,840 --> 00:58:55,840
Speaker 1: my Gladiator group.

1271
00:58:55,920 --> 00:58:57,160
Speaker 3: We talk about it all the time.

1272
00:58:57,440 --> 00:59:00,080
Speaker 1: You have a responsibility to be in a best shap

1273
00:59:00,120 --> 00:59:02,720
Speaker 1: for your life, to be able to protect and provide

1274
00:59:02,760 --> 00:59:06,160
Speaker 1: and be there for your family. Your wife has needs.

1275
00:59:06,200 --> 00:59:08,400
Speaker 1: I say this all the time. Your wife has needs

1276
00:59:08,520 --> 00:59:11,280
Speaker 1: just like you do. How you expect that woman to

1277
00:59:11,320 --> 00:59:12,680
Speaker 1: get up to want to please you? If you're not

1278
00:59:12,680 --> 00:59:15,280
Speaker 1: going to present yourself in the best way. That's that's

1279
00:59:15,320 --> 00:59:17,240
Speaker 1: how I feel as a husband.

1280
00:59:17,320 --> 00:59:17,880
Speaker 3: Like give up?

1281
00:59:17,920 --> 00:59:18,080
Speaker 5: Bro?

1282
00:59:18,720 --> 00:59:19,560
Speaker 3: You feel like he did.

1283
00:59:19,600 --> 00:59:23,200
Speaker 6: He absolutely gave up because he doesn't since he's probably

1284
00:59:23,200 --> 00:59:28,120
Speaker 6: on diabetic medicine, he can't operate like how he wants to,

1285
00:59:28,640 --> 00:59:31,800
Speaker 6: so there's no need or drive to do so.

1286
00:59:31,800 --> 00:59:32,600
Speaker 7: So he gave up.

1287
00:59:32,960 --> 00:59:34,760
Speaker 2: You didn't give up on himself. Or his marriage.

1288
00:59:34,800 --> 00:59:37,320
Speaker 3: He gave herself. I agree he did.

1289
00:59:37,360 --> 00:59:39,560
Speaker 1: He did give because, like, like Josh said, if you

1290
00:59:39,640 --> 00:59:41,760
Speaker 1: can work out and eat to get off the medication

1291
00:59:41,840 --> 00:59:45,360
Speaker 1: to be able to have done, why are you not

1292
00:59:45,400 --> 00:59:45,840
Speaker 1: doing it?

1293
00:59:45,960 --> 00:59:47,840
Speaker 2: I mean, some people are okay with being on the

1294
00:59:47,880 --> 00:59:49,520
Speaker 2: medication and they use it as a crush like, oh

1295
00:59:49,560 --> 00:59:51,760
Speaker 2: if I can just you know, gauge my sugar, I

1296
00:59:51,760 --> 00:59:54,200
Speaker 2: know what I can't eat, and they just use it almost.

1297
00:59:53,880 --> 00:59:55,280
Speaker 3: Like absolutely, he gave up.

1298
00:59:56,360 --> 00:59:59,280
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's messed up, to be honest, that's messed up.

1299
00:59:59,320 --> 01:00:01,400
Speaker 1: And she he said, I'm thinking about telling them no,

1300
01:00:01,480 --> 01:00:01,960
Speaker 1: telling them no.

1301
01:00:02,200 --> 01:00:04,360
Speaker 2: Yeah, that was gonna be my advice. Girl, you got

1302
01:00:04,360 --> 01:00:06,040
Speaker 2: to tell both of them though, the eighteen year old

1303
01:00:06,120 --> 01:00:11,040
Speaker 2: and him, like that's crazy and vitalize that. You feel

1304
01:00:11,040 --> 01:00:12,560
Speaker 2: like you're a maid in your own house. And then

1305
01:00:12,560 --> 01:00:14,880
Speaker 2: you're not even appreciated, because she says she does these

1306
01:00:14,920 --> 01:00:16,920
Speaker 2: things hoping to get some kind of acknowledgement, like a

1307
01:00:17,000 --> 01:00:18,680
Speaker 2: birthday gift for mother's they give, and then you're not

1308
01:00:18,720 --> 01:00:21,520
Speaker 2: even being acknowledged for it. Yeah, and it seems like

1309
01:00:21,560 --> 01:00:24,040
Speaker 2: you spent along a large portion of at least your

1310
01:00:24,040 --> 01:00:26,720
Speaker 2: eighteen year old's life, kind of making this a habit,

1311
01:00:27,200 --> 01:00:29,000
Speaker 2: So it's going to be hard to break now and

1312
01:00:29,040 --> 01:00:31,200
Speaker 2: watch them flip script and be like, mom's crazy, what's

1313
01:00:31,200 --> 01:00:32,880
Speaker 2: mom going through? But mom's going through a lot.

1314
01:00:33,200 --> 01:00:35,000
Speaker 3: Yeah, maybe it's hormones.

1315
01:00:35,600 --> 01:00:38,240
Speaker 1: But I will say this though, if Homie got in

1316
01:00:38,280 --> 01:00:40,600
Speaker 1: shape and gave us some dick, she wouldn't be complaining

1317
01:00:40,600 --> 01:00:41,480
Speaker 1: about getting that food.

1318
01:00:41,600 --> 01:00:44,040
Speaker 3: That's really what it is ultimately. But you can't ask

1319
01:00:44,120 --> 01:00:46,800
Speaker 3: me for a play and you ain't giving me no dick. Pause, right,

1320
01:00:47,160 --> 01:00:49,560
Speaker 3: that's what she's saying. You know what I'm saying. Come on,

1321
01:00:49,600 --> 01:00:50,400
Speaker 3: I got to be down here.

1322
01:00:50,400 --> 01:00:51,720
Speaker 1: You want me to get your food and you sitting

1323
01:00:51,720 --> 01:00:54,120
Speaker 1: here like I understand where she's coming from.

1324
01:00:54,200 --> 01:00:54,600
Speaker 3: I don't.

1325
01:00:55,240 --> 01:00:58,840
Speaker 2: I'm it's giving family caucus, call them all to the

1326
01:00:58,840 --> 01:00:59,480
Speaker 2: front on me.

1327
01:00:59,480 --> 01:00:59,880
Speaker 3: Wrong for that.

1328
01:01:00,200 --> 01:01:02,680
Speaker 6: That's one of the biggest probably misconceptions that women also

1329
01:01:02,680 --> 01:01:04,000
Speaker 6: don't have sexual needs as well.

1330
01:01:04,280 --> 01:01:06,120
Speaker 7: Yeah, copy just does not get that.

1331
01:01:06,200 --> 01:01:10,760
Speaker 1: Yes, which is unfair. That's unfair. So my listen, I

1332
01:01:10,760 --> 01:01:13,240
Speaker 1: don't ever push divorces on people. I don't I think this.

1333
01:01:13,320 --> 01:01:16,280
Speaker 1: You need to first say no, have the conversation. Once

1334
01:01:16,320 --> 01:01:19,080
Speaker 1: you've had conversations. If he's not willing to do the

1335
01:01:19,160 --> 01:01:23,080
Speaker 1: things required of being a husband, then why stay marriage? Like,

1336
01:01:23,120 --> 01:01:26,360
Speaker 1: that's not fair to stay in a relationship if you're

1337
01:01:26,400 --> 01:01:29,320
Speaker 1: not gonna be partners. I'm not just gonna be here

1338
01:01:29,480 --> 01:01:31,680
Speaker 1: and you accept all the things I'm willing to offer

1339
01:01:31,920 --> 01:01:33,640
Speaker 1: and you not do nothing, I'll get a divorce.

1340
01:01:33,800 --> 01:01:34,400
Speaker 3: That's me.

1341
01:01:34,680 --> 01:01:38,280
Speaker 1: Like, if we're not gonna meet this and try, effort

1342
01:01:38,320 --> 01:01:40,560
Speaker 1: is everything, Intent is everything.

1343
01:01:40,640 --> 01:01:41,760
Speaker 3: Now, impact is one.

1344
01:01:41,920 --> 01:01:43,880
Speaker 1: For example, if he's working out it he can't lose

1345
01:01:43,920 --> 01:01:46,040
Speaker 1: the weight and you see him trying, that's different. But

1346
01:01:46,080 --> 01:01:48,040
Speaker 1: you're gonna sit back and ask me to get you

1347
01:01:48,200 --> 01:01:52,640
Speaker 1: food and nah, bro't And it goes both ways. I

1348
01:01:52,680 --> 01:01:54,200
Speaker 1: know it's gonna be a lot of men. What if

1349
01:01:54,200 --> 01:01:56,320
Speaker 1: it was a woman who iss to goes both ways?

1350
01:01:56,680 --> 01:01:59,919
Speaker 1: Y'all decided to be together. Y'all both have needs and wants.

1351
01:02:00,080 --> 01:02:02,440
Speaker 1: If one is purposely deciding that I'm not going to

1352
01:02:02,520 --> 01:02:05,040
Speaker 1: even try, then that's you discernment and say that's not

1353
01:02:05,040 --> 01:02:06,360
Speaker 1: the person I want to spend my life with.

1354
01:02:07,560 --> 01:02:07,880
Speaker 3: That's me.

1355
01:02:08,680 --> 01:02:11,120
Speaker 2: It's Josh like, Nope, that's not it's.

1356
01:02:10,920 --> 01:02:13,680
Speaker 3: Not fair, Bro, that's not fair. That does sound for me.

1357
01:02:14,320 --> 01:02:16,400
Speaker 3: And she not even getting what you want. There's no

1358
01:02:16,440 --> 01:02:17,720
Speaker 3: way there's.

1359
01:02:19,000 --> 01:02:20,360
Speaker 4: Four years crazy.

1360
01:02:20,400 --> 01:02:24,600
Speaker 2: Imagine that nobody's sex drive look like four years is crazy.

1361
01:02:24,720 --> 01:02:26,480
Speaker 3: That is crazy. I'm like, brother in law, Yo, what

1362
01:02:26,560 --> 01:02:27,240
Speaker 3: are you doing? Bro?

1363
01:02:27,560 --> 01:02:29,520
Speaker 2: If it was your sister, my sister, I.

1364
01:02:29,520 --> 01:02:31,320
Speaker 1: Would definitely be like brother in law, what are you doing?

1365
01:02:31,360 --> 01:02:34,200
Speaker 1: Like you say no, and I tell my sister like

1366
01:02:34,280 --> 01:02:35,480
Speaker 1: go find somebody.

1367
01:02:35,200 --> 01:02:35,840
Speaker 2: Get it together?

1368
01:02:36,120 --> 01:02:36,400
Speaker 3: Yeah?

1369
01:02:37,320 --> 01:02:41,000
Speaker 2: All right, y'all. Well good luck to you, sis. I

1370
01:02:41,040 --> 01:02:43,520
Speaker 2: hope you at least start having that conversation because you

1371
01:02:43,560 --> 01:02:47,280
Speaker 2: cannot continue like that for sure, for sure go crazy. Yeah,

1372
01:02:47,560 --> 01:02:49,920
Speaker 2: if you want to be featured as a listener letter,

1373
01:02:50,000 --> 01:02:52,840
Speaker 2: be sure to email us at the Ellis Advice at

1374
01:02:52,840 --> 01:02:54,120
Speaker 2: gmail dot com.

1375
01:02:54,360 --> 01:02:57,200
Speaker 1: That's t h E E l l I S at

1376
01:02:57,280 --> 01:02:59,080
Speaker 1: gmail dot com.

1377
01:02:59,360 --> 01:03:08,240
Speaker 3: No Helis, that's a.

1378
01:03:08,320 --> 01:03:11,280
Speaker 1: G E l U E l l I S A

1379
01:03:11,440 --> 01:03:16,080
Speaker 1: d v I c E at Gmail.

1380
01:03:17,360 --> 01:03:18,880
Speaker 3: It's been a minute since we plotted, you know.

1381
01:03:19,120 --> 01:03:20,760
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's been a minute, you know, a minute coming

1382
01:03:20,760 --> 01:03:23,080
Speaker 2: off of coming off of a rough last week. All right,

1383
01:03:24,000 --> 01:03:27,680
Speaker 2: moment of truth time, moment of truth. Today, we're talking hormones,

1384
01:03:27,840 --> 01:03:30,560
Speaker 2: we're talking all the things. What we got triple you

1385
01:03:30,560 --> 01:03:31,400
Speaker 2: as something for us?

1386
01:03:33,400 --> 01:03:34,160
Speaker 4: What do I got?

1387
01:03:34,960 --> 01:03:35,840
Speaker 3: Uh man?

1388
01:03:36,360 --> 01:03:39,760
Speaker 4: Learn how to track your partner cycle? That's all I can.

1389
01:03:39,600 --> 01:03:42,520
Speaker 2: Say, I'm about to say, yeah, share the men and women.

1390
01:03:42,880 --> 01:03:49,080
Speaker 4: Yeah, track your partner cycles. Yeah, nobody's gonna have attitude

1391
01:03:49,120 --> 01:03:51,880
Speaker 4: and be like I'm pms sing. They're gonna stab you,

1392
01:03:51,920 --> 01:03:53,600
Speaker 4: and then they're gonna be like, sorry, man, I was

1393
01:03:55,000 --> 01:03:56,320
Speaker 4: once you get out of the hospital.

1394
01:03:56,840 --> 01:03:59,919
Speaker 2: That's a fact for sure. I think mine we would

1395
01:03:59,920 --> 01:04:04,120
Speaker 2: be don't wait till you're in the trenches, you know,

1396
01:04:04,240 --> 01:04:08,320
Speaker 2: dealing with a hormonal moment to have the conversation about it.

1397
01:04:08,760 --> 01:04:12,440
Speaker 2: I think if you're in a relationship with man, women, whoever,

1398
01:04:13,640 --> 01:04:16,560
Speaker 2: be sure that you're having the conversation when everyone can

1399
01:04:16,600 --> 01:04:18,960
Speaker 2: be a bit level headed and we can talk openly

1400
01:04:19,000 --> 01:04:22,200
Speaker 2: about what this is. Because these are naturally occurring things

1401
01:04:22,200 --> 01:04:24,720
Speaker 2: that we can't control to an extent. But if we

1402
01:04:24,800 --> 01:04:27,280
Speaker 2: are able to, maybe we can devise a plan, especially

1403
01:04:27,320 --> 01:04:31,000
Speaker 2: if you want to coexist, you know, amicably and lovingly

1404
01:04:31,400 --> 01:04:32,680
Speaker 2: in a household together.

1405
01:04:34,120 --> 01:04:39,920
Speaker 3: I like that this is my moment of truth. Men

1406
01:04:39,960 --> 01:04:41,280
Speaker 3: and women. Give each other grace.

1407
01:04:42,200 --> 01:04:44,960
Speaker 1: We're learning, we're evolving as people, and as we evolve

1408
01:04:45,040 --> 01:04:48,120
Speaker 1: as people, let's do better of not shaming each other.

1409
01:04:48,760 --> 01:04:52,360
Speaker 1: Give each other the latitude to learn, you know, women

1410
01:04:52,440 --> 01:04:55,360
Speaker 1: need the latitude to go through their hormonal issues and

1411
01:04:55,400 --> 01:04:57,840
Speaker 1: not feel guilted by it and not feel shamed. But

1412
01:04:57,920 --> 01:05:00,120
Speaker 1: men also need the latitude to learn and understand and

1413
01:05:00,480 --> 01:05:02,600
Speaker 1: make mistakes while they learn, and not feel shamed for

1414
01:05:02,680 --> 01:05:05,160
Speaker 1: not knowing everything that y'all don't know yet. So I

1415
01:05:05,160 --> 01:05:07,640
Speaker 1: think both genders need to give each other some grace,

1416
01:05:08,120 --> 01:05:10,560
Speaker 1: get educated on what it is, and if you choose

1417
01:05:10,600 --> 01:05:13,040
Speaker 1: to love women the way I love women, understand that

1418
01:05:13,080 --> 01:05:16,200
Speaker 1: hormones come with it. It's fun on both ends, even

1419
01:05:16,400 --> 01:05:18,520
Speaker 1: them dark days, even them dark days.

1420
01:05:18,320 --> 01:05:20,200
Speaker 3: Where you can make I G videos and make the

1421
01:05:20,200 --> 01:05:20,840
Speaker 3: world laugh.

1422
01:05:21,280 --> 01:05:23,720
Speaker 1: It's fun. So it's not a daunting things. I don't

1423
01:05:23,720 --> 01:05:26,200
Speaker 1: feel like you're gonna die and it's the worst thing.

1424
01:05:26,320 --> 01:05:27,800
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, your wife got hormones.

1425
01:05:27,880 --> 01:05:30,000
Speaker 2: Okay, it is what it is, right, and there is

1426
01:05:30,080 --> 01:05:32,960
Speaker 2: light at the end of the tunnel. Is like I said,

1427
01:05:33,000 --> 01:05:35,240
Speaker 2: once flow packs, so bags leaves.

1428
01:05:34,880 --> 01:05:39,360
Speaker 7: Honey, it needs to be a booty.

1429
01:05:43,120 --> 01:05:46,080
Speaker 1: That's typically how it goes back back into me at

1430
01:05:46,080 --> 01:05:46,480
Speaker 1: the end of it.

1431
01:05:48,360 --> 01:05:50,600
Speaker 2: I have to make up for some lost time.

1432
01:05:52,080 --> 01:05:54,720
Speaker 1: You do a good job of that too, though I listen.

1433
01:05:54,760 --> 01:05:57,160
Speaker 1: One thing I'll do is I'll give k credit. She'd

1434
01:05:57,200 --> 01:05:59,800
Speaker 1: be acting batshit crazy in here sometimes going crazy, but

1435
01:05:59,840 --> 01:06:02,840
Speaker 1: then when that thing be done, she'd be acting bast shit.

1436
01:06:02,720 --> 01:06:05,600
Speaker 2: Crazy and even even during my cycle. I know what

1437
01:06:05,680 --> 01:06:08,440
Speaker 2: you require. So you told people.

1438
01:06:12,840 --> 01:06:21,200
Speaker 3: Nine thousand, y'all. Nine Josh, your mama told you. I'm trying.

1439
01:06:21,320 --> 01:06:23,640
Speaker 1: Were trying to help each other, our support group.

1440
01:06:24,040 --> 01:06:25,640
Speaker 2: Turn it up a bit. You know, it's still a

1441
01:06:25,640 --> 01:06:30,080
Speaker 2: little swollen. You know what I'm saying. So use your imagination. Okay,

1442
01:06:30,680 --> 01:06:31,520
Speaker 2: your imagination.

1443
01:06:32,160 --> 01:06:32,360
Speaker 4: Yo.

1444
01:06:32,920 --> 01:06:37,920
Speaker 6: He took my my moment of truth, which was grace.

1445
01:06:38,720 --> 01:06:40,640
Speaker 6: I think we both need to have grace on both

1446
01:06:40,680 --> 01:06:45,960
Speaker 6: sides when dealing with UH hormones. So as long as

1447
01:06:46,040 --> 01:06:48,320
Speaker 6: you have grace for your partner and they have grace

1448
01:06:48,320 --> 01:06:50,320
Speaker 6: for you, you'll be all right. But just don't let it

1449
01:06:50,360 --> 01:06:52,000
Speaker 6: be one sided, because that's crazy to me.

1450
01:06:53,880 --> 01:06:55,440
Speaker 7: I don't know that I have one. But keep your

1451
01:06:55,480 --> 01:06:56,840
Speaker 7: arms and feet inside the ride.

1452
01:07:01,120 --> 01:07:01,840
Speaker 2: That's great.

1453
01:07:02,000 --> 01:07:02,680
Speaker 3: That's all I got.

1454
01:07:02,680 --> 01:07:05,240
Speaker 2: It's great, Like I told you.

1455
01:07:05,320 --> 01:07:07,000
Speaker 1: Just like I'm rolling downstairs, I want to say, cut

1456
01:07:07,080 --> 01:07:10,960
Speaker 1: so bad because I was fucking.

1457
01:07:11,120 --> 01:07:14,760
Speaker 3: Put on your seatbelt. We're ready to go, Ready to go.

1458
01:07:15,320 --> 01:07:17,920
Speaker 2: All right, y'all. Be sure to find us on Patreon

1459
01:07:18,040 --> 01:07:20,920
Speaker 2: to see the after show and the other exclusive Ellis

1460
01:07:20,920 --> 01:07:23,720
Speaker 2: Family content. We love y'all over there and you can

1461
01:07:23,720 --> 01:07:25,880
Speaker 2: find us a social media as well. Our podcast page

1462
01:07:26,000 --> 01:07:28,720
Speaker 2: is Ellis ever After. You can find me at Kadeen,

1463
01:07:28,800 --> 01:07:32,440
Speaker 2: I am and I am Devo on all platforms.

1464
01:07:32,800 --> 01:07:35,560
Speaker 6: I'm going to score mad Do Ellis and I'm Josha

1465
01:07:35,640 --> 01:07:37,280
Speaker 6: Underscore Dwayne and.

1466
01:07:37,280 --> 01:07:39,240
Speaker 4: I'm at Trips The Cool, t R, I B b

1467
01:07:39,400 --> 01:07:41,000
Speaker 4: Z the Cool on everything.

1468
01:07:41,560 --> 01:07:43,960
Speaker 3: And if you're listening on Apple podcasts, be sure to rate,

1469
01:07:44,040 --> 01:07:45,240
Speaker 3: review and.

1470
01:07:45,240 --> 01:07:48,480
Speaker 2: Subscribe and take me to Jamaica because clearly this is

1471
01:07:48,480 --> 01:07:50,240
Speaker 2: a sign de val. You have on a Bob I

1472
01:07:50,280 --> 01:07:51,960
Speaker 2: just noticed you have on a Bob Marley shirt and

1473
01:07:52,000 --> 01:07:57,240
Speaker 2: I have on the Bob Marley just looked over and

1474
01:07:57,320 --> 01:07:59,520
Speaker 2: I was like, oh shit, So yeah, I think this

1475
01:07:59,560 --> 01:08:01,920
Speaker 2: is my that I needed to book a trip to Jamaica.

1476
01:08:01,920 --> 01:08:04,200
Speaker 2: I'll go with a Nika. We'll go together and we'll

1477
01:08:04,240 --> 01:08:09,000
Speaker 2: PMS and PMDD together. How about that cut I watch

1478
01:08:09,280 --> 01:08:09,760
Speaker 2: your Friends.

1479
01:08:14,080 --> 01:08:17,280
Speaker 3: That's funny. That's funny.

1480
01:08:18,800 --> 01:08:22,800
Speaker 4: Ellis ever After is an iHeartMedia podcast. It's hosted by

1481
01:08:22,920 --> 01:08:27,759
Speaker 4: Kadeen and Deval Ellis. It's produced by Triple Video Production

1482
01:08:27,920 --> 01:08:32,720
Speaker 4: by Joshua Dwyane and Matthew Ellis video editing by Lashawan.

1483
01:08:32,479 --> 01:10:13,400
Speaker 5: Rowe Tuk Cop, toksp tak