Speaker 1: I Do, Part two is an innovative podcast all about
Speaker 1: finding love the second time around. But sometimes on the
Speaker 1: road to finding love the second time around, you end
Speaker 1: up staying in singles town, maybe longer than you anticipated.
Speaker 1: I'm one of your celebrity mentors, Cheryl Burke, and I'm
Speaker 1: joined today by fellow mentor Kelly ben Simone, and today
Speaker 1: we also have former star of The Bachelorette Dianas Dogliano.
Speaker 1: Welcome ladies to the podcast. How are you doing good?
Speaker 1: What's new?
Speaker 2: Just preparing for the big day?
Speaker 1: What big day?
Speaker 2: The big day of being thankful and grateful?
Speaker 1: Which one? There's a big day of gratitude, Thanksgiving? Happy Thanksgiving?
Speaker 3: Yesterday was my birthday and just a week, you know
Speaker 3: what I mean, it's just been I think, like all
Speaker 3: of the things, like I'm just reeling in, like the
Speaker 3: kids and being divorced and wanting to have companionship, but
Speaker 3: not because I don't, you know. So I think I've
Speaker 3: just like really like rode the waves of all the
Speaker 3: things this week.
Speaker 1: How long have you been single?
Speaker 3: My divorce was final this year, but I have been
Speaker 3: single for probably three years.
Speaker 1: Got it same? I'm in the same boat, except I'm
Speaker 1: definitely not looking for companionship, and I'm loving it so
Speaker 1: much with Caeryl.
Speaker 3: I'm not either. I'm not either. I think it's deeply overrated,
Speaker 3: deeply overrated. I believe that we are built for companionship,
Speaker 3: and I really want that, I think in the long run,
Speaker 3: But like today, nah nah.
Speaker 2: See, I'm ready for I'm ready to meet someone I
Speaker 2: want to. I've been going to therapy. I've been, you know,
Speaker 2: going through this whole process on the podcast. Cheryl and
Speaker 2: I have had some really great moments together with TJ
Speaker 2: and Amy and Jenna, and I've just learned so much
Speaker 2: about myself. And I'm not saying that I'm ready to
Speaker 2: get married tomorrow, but I am am I The way
Speaker 2: that I'm dealing with my life, both personally and professionally,
Speaker 2: is different.
Speaker 3: Do you actually think that you'll get married again? Because
Speaker 3: I have a hard pass for me. I don't ever
Speaker 3: want to get married again.
Speaker 1: Deanna. People want they know you obviously from the Bachelor
Speaker 1: Bachelorette franchise. What I guess, tell our listeners a little
Speaker 1: bit about your love story and your journey.
Speaker 3: I guess, yeah, Well, I went on the show, so
Speaker 3: I did the Bachelor, and I was the final one.
Speaker 3: Was I was everyone's like pick at the end, like
Speaker 3: I was the one that I choose.
Speaker 2: Of course.
Speaker 3: And then I went on to be the bachelorette and
Speaker 3: I chose someone not not so great, but I did.
Speaker 3: And then I met my ex husband through the show
Speaker 3: because his twin brother was on a different season of mine.
Speaker 3: So I met my ex husband through the show, and
Speaker 3: we were married for twelve years and wow, together for
Speaker 3: what fifteen. So I'm very careful at this point because
Speaker 3: Addison in particular is very aware and seeing can see things,
Speaker 3: and her friends know who she is, they know who
Speaker 3: she is at school, they know me, and so I
Speaker 3: try to be really careful what I share. I had you,
Speaker 3: how I share it all good.
Speaker 2: I mean, I can understand that too because when I
Speaker 2: was on I was on the Real Housewives of New
Speaker 2: York when when my kids were five and seven, so
Speaker 2: I was on two thousand and nine, ten and eleven,
Speaker 2: and so when my kids were white because we're really
Speaker 2: young as well, and you know, I didn't feel like,
Speaker 2: first of all, I didn't feel like it was a
Speaker 2: safe place for me to talk about anything. And second
Speaker 2: of all, you know, I was when I was single
Speaker 2: being single in two thousand and nine was not sexy
Speaker 2: being you know, it was like, oh my god, I
Speaker 2: cannot believe you're not married, Like what's wrong with you?
Speaker 2: The choice of like you're saying like this empowered choice
Speaker 2: of saying I don't really know if I ever want
Speaker 2: to meet someone or you know, that kind of narrative
Speaker 2: just didn't exist. And so I commend you for being
Speaker 2: such a good mom and for protecting your daughter and
Speaker 2: your your children, because it's not easy in this important environment.
Speaker 3: Had a week, I literally have had a week, and
Speaker 3: I don't want to cry.
Speaker 1: But oh no, you should cry. It's good for you,
Speaker 1: it's good for everyone.
Speaker 3: I know. I know I've cried all week. We went
Speaker 3: to dinner last night for my birthday, and I was
Speaker 3: saying to my girlfriends that I was just like.
Speaker 1: That.
Speaker 3: I just feel like I am going to great links
Speaker 3: to protect my children. You know, I don't think I
Speaker 3: always realized this when I was younger, but I'm a
Speaker 3: product of divorce and the great links that my mother
Speaker 3: went through to protect me and my brother and my sister.
Speaker 3: But I find that I'm doing the same things for
Speaker 3: my children, and man, is it freaking exhausting. It's exhausting.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I also come from a I'm a product of
Speaker 1: a divorced family as well. And I don't know if
Speaker 1: this is the reason why I don't have kids or
Speaker 1: I don't I'm not I have no interest in it,
Speaker 1: but like it's just yeah, it's but what you're doing
Speaker 1: and by being aware of what you say, because you know,
Speaker 1: kids are very observant and smarter than we think. And
Speaker 1: I remember seeing my parents fight before they divorced, and
Speaker 1: it's just not like and then also talking about each other.
Speaker 1: It's just not healthy. It's not healthy.
Speaker 2: I mean, I raise my two kids on my own,
Speaker 2: so I was a full time single parent. It was
Speaker 2: no co parenting. And you know what you're going through
Speaker 2: right now is you know natural too. I mean, those
Speaker 2: feelings are real, and you know there's a lot of
Speaker 2: stress and pressure and you know it's our job to
Speaker 2: raise amazing kids the next generation. And it's like, you know,
Speaker 2: I would die. Don't come from a divorce. Both my
Speaker 2: parents were together for our entire life, and I never
Speaker 2: thought I would get divorced. But I got divorced because
Speaker 2: I wanted something better for my children. I wanted I
Speaker 2: thought it was better for me to parent my children
Speaker 2: just myself than to be in an environment that wasn't
Speaker 2: good for them. And you know, it's not easy. And
Speaker 2: I mean, you know, I'm not trying to say don't
Speaker 2: be hard on yourself, but you know, it's okay to
Speaker 2: feel to feel that pressure because it's it's it's heavy,
Speaker 2: it's heavy.
Speaker 3: I know you don't have kids, but like, I just
Speaker 3: sat in this space this week where I just felt
Speaker 3: like deeply sorry for myself, you know, as we're talking
Speaker 3: about like dating, going into the Hall of Dame stuff,
Speaker 3: you know, and I feel like deeply alone.
Speaker 1: By choice, by choice, but not lonely, right.
Speaker 3: I feel lonely mostly because I believe that we are
Speaker 3: built for companionship and partnership. They say, yeah, they say,
Speaker 3: they say. I also just like really love my life,
Speaker 3: and I make a.
Speaker 1: Love I hear you. But holidays bring like trigger something.
Speaker 3: Obviously I can do all the things that I this
Speaker 3: week in particular, and I don't know if it's just
Speaker 3: because it's been my birthday.
Speaker 1: And and Pluto just moved into a queries just saying yeah,
Speaker 1: after nineteen years, yes, yeah.
Speaker 3: And I feel like like lonely, you know, And I
Speaker 3: know that I'm not so deeply lonely that i would
Speaker 3: choose anyone because I have options, but they they aren't
Speaker 3: like great, and I'm okay with that. And I feel,
Speaker 3: I guess, really empowered in a place that I can
Speaker 3: say no, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: It's a complete sentence.
Speaker 2: Yeah, do you have your kids with you, Diana? Foriday?
Speaker 3: My first Thanksgiving a loved kids, and my dad is
Speaker 3: going to come out with his wife. And I'm really grateful. Yeah,
Speaker 3: I'm really really grateful. It's just really difficult a few years.
Speaker 3: And I have really wonderful friends and I have I
Speaker 3: have a really great family and surroundings, you know, for
Speaker 3: people who will just come in and be with us
Speaker 3: when we need it. So my my dad is coming
Speaker 3: in this week, and I have the kids, and so
Speaker 3: I'm just trying to create really wonderful memories for them,
Speaker 3: make them happy and make them feel loved and make
Speaker 3: them want to be here.
Speaker 1: Yeah, thank you for your vulnerability, because like, first of all,
Speaker 1: there's so many I can relate in many ways though
Speaker 1: I don't have kids. I mean, I can't say I
Speaker 1: never get lonely, Like it's literally I moved out of
Speaker 1: La to where I am with my frenchie and it's
Speaker 1: just me and my frenchie, and I don't have tons
Speaker 1: of friends in this where I live, in this town.
Speaker 1: And I also haven't really made much of an effort,
Speaker 1: like there has been a part of me that has ghosted,
Speaker 1: not just my ex husband, but like also my friend,
Speaker 1: like everything around me. I just feel is you know,
Speaker 1: we evolve and evolving until the day we die, and
Speaker 1: sometimes there is this feeling of loneliness. But I think
Speaker 1: I don't know. I like to not say it as
Speaker 1: only more like alone because of the transition that you know,
Speaker 1: people change and it's not bad nor good. It's not
Speaker 1: bad or good, Like there's no label other than the
Speaker 1: fact that I just want to give back to myself
Speaker 1: because I don't remember the last I don't think I've
Speaker 1: ever done this before where I've chosen me.
Speaker 3: You know who's first, who was first?
Speaker 2: Right?
Speaker 1: And I didn't know who was first until I actually
Speaker 1: had quiet time around me, because it's so easy to
Speaker 1: put everyone else in front of you.
Speaker 2: But they always say that you know, you're supposed to
Speaker 2: put your safety belt on first. And that's the other
Speaker 2: thing that has been really like a big lesson for
Speaker 2: me because I have always been the kind of person
Speaker 2: like whatever my kids want, whatever they want, whatever they need,
Speaker 2: Like what can I do? And when you put your
Speaker 2: safety belt on first and you protect yourself, then you
Speaker 2: are even a better protector of your children obviously what
Speaker 2: you're already doing. But it's just you know, when you're
Speaker 2: going through the birthday and kind of processing everything, it
Speaker 2: gets to be. You know, it gives me a lot.
Speaker 2: And you know, the nice thing is that you have
Speaker 2: this your friend group, which is amazing. Like I literally,
Speaker 2: I literally was so like mortified of like what I
Speaker 2: had done. Like I thought that I had like done
Speaker 2: this horrible thing by getting divorced and this like awful,
Speaker 2: you know thing that I shouldn't have done. I used
Speaker 2: to cry in my closet and you know, I just
Speaker 2: sit there on the floor because I don't want anybody
Speaker 2: to know.
Speaker 3: Kelly though, and Cheryl, maybe you feel the same. I
Speaker 3: felt so much grief and so much I was really embarrassed,
Speaker 3: so was I.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean I haven't dated and I've been like
Speaker 1: celibate for three years since my divorce, and I think
Speaker 1: that's all has to do with shame underneath all of it.
Speaker 3: Yeah, same for me, Same for me. I mean I
Speaker 3: think that there is this space that you just feel
Speaker 3: this deep, immense amount of pain and grief and just
Speaker 3: shame surrounding divorce.
Speaker 2: You know.
Speaker 3: I swear we were going through a divorce for a
Speaker 3: year before I ever said anything out loud because I
Speaker 3: was so embarrassed. I was so embarrassed. Yeah, and there
Speaker 3: is a cleansing piece of divorce and breakups, you know
Speaker 3: what I mean, Like you, you lose friends, and I
Speaker 3: lost really great friends and people that I thought that
Speaker 3: I really cared for. But there is a really beautiful
Speaker 3: grieving process when it comes to divorce and being single
Speaker 3: and loone and really sitting, you.
Speaker 1: Know, because the easiest thing is to numb and find
Speaker 1: somebody else quickly and find another physical body, you know,
Speaker 1: especially during like the holidays and exhibit a you go
Speaker 1: and do that, and men do that. Let's dive into
Speaker 1: the holidays. Speaking of the holidays, what's everyone's thoughts on
Speaker 1: on the holidays in general?
Speaker 2: I guess yeah that you go first.
Speaker 3: For me in particular, I'm just pouring into the kids,
Speaker 3: you know, Yeah, And I'm looking I have them their
Speaker 3: their mind, and I just I think for me, I
Speaker 3: have really gone out of my way and by healing
Speaker 3: and my therapy and everything else to make sure they're okay.
Speaker 3: I really worry about my children and what this will
Speaker 3: do to them and the damn it will cause.
Speaker 1: Are they in therapy? Do you put them in there?
Speaker 3: Yeh?
Speaker 1: I have to say, that's one thing my mother did
Speaker 1: with me, and God thank her, because it's just about
Speaker 1: putting a voice to the pain, right like, and if
Speaker 1: you can't and if you can't translate whatever you're feeling
Speaker 1: into a language, that's when it eats you up.
Speaker 3: Okay. I'm like, if they can just get to like
Speaker 3: six team, and I hope that they will look back
Speaker 3: and think, my mom went.
Speaker 1: To great lengths one hundred and that's what I think
Speaker 1: about my mother, like though the generation even though she
Speaker 1: needs to go to therapy, but she'll never because but
Speaker 1: at least she knew what to do with me. Because
Speaker 1: I have to tell you the trauma I've dealt with
Speaker 1: my stepsister who dealt with a similar story. She just
Speaker 1: died of an overdose. And it's like you literally can
Speaker 1: see like it was interesting. I mean, it's so sad
Speaker 1: and this happened a little over a year ago. But like,
Speaker 1: that's the difference between being in therapy versus not and
Speaker 1: it's like, yes, you need an outlet.
Speaker 3: And trauma affects us all. And I have said this
Speaker 3: openly across the board. When my ex husband asked to
Speaker 3: leave me, I chose to go to trauma therapy. I
Speaker 3: went three days a week for three hours a day,
Speaker 3: and it was literally the best decision that I ever
Speaker 3: ever could have done for myself, you know, and with
Speaker 3: that an example for my children.
Speaker 1: Absolutely. Well, let's talk about since this is a holidays episode,
Speaker 1: we're going to talk about my first year I guess
Speaker 1: of the holidays without my ex husband. I stayed busy
Speaker 1: because my new I'm sober for six years, but my
Speaker 1: new drug of choice is now productivity. So I numbed
Speaker 1: through making sure everyone came to my house so that
Speaker 1: I had to decorate, I had to cook, I had
Speaker 1: to do I had. My to do list was so
Speaker 1: freakin packed, jam packed that I didn't even think about
Speaker 1: the sadness. Now, is that the solution? Hell no, it's
Speaker 1: not the solution. I'm just running away from my problems.
Speaker 1: But now I have no plans as far as I'm
Speaker 1: not cooking I'm not cleaning. I'm going to meet my
Speaker 1: family at my sister's in laws or her in law's
Speaker 1: two bee's house, so that should be interesting. But at
Speaker 1: least it's driving distance, so I can always get in
Speaker 1: the car and go if I need to.
Speaker 3: Does that feel good for you? What to go and
Speaker 3: spend time with them.
Speaker 1: I don't know. I've never done it before, so it's
Speaker 1: a little bit scary for me, to be quite honest.
Speaker 1: And like I said, it's in Newport and where I live,
Speaker 1: it's about a couple hours away. But I can always
Speaker 1: get in the car and come back home if I
Speaker 1: need to. It's gonna be interesting because it's just, yeah,
Speaker 1: you're right, like, I've never really I don't even know
Speaker 1: who her in laws are personally.
Speaker 3: Struggle with that. I love love to my core. My
Speaker 3: ex husband's family, Oh yeah, I do. I really love them.
Speaker 3: I love my father in law. There has been some
Speaker 3: trauma within the family, and so that makes it really hard.
Speaker 3: So I think, you know, the whole piece of switching
Speaker 3: holidays and yeah, doing all of the things, it's there's
Speaker 3: also a piece of just like grief, do you know,
Speaker 3: of course, the family, not just my ex husband. There
Speaker 3: is grief in the family, like grieving my mother in law,
Speaker 3: who I just like literally love love at my core
Speaker 3: and she is salt of the earth, wonderful human being.
Speaker 1: I love that that at least you still feel like
Speaker 1: that after Do.
Speaker 2: You have any connection with her still or no?
Speaker 3: I do, Kelly. I think that we're just figuring it out.
Speaker 1: You know.
Speaker 3: I think that it's hard for her because it's her son, right,
Speaker 3: and I think at the end of the day, I
Speaker 3: have a lot of grace for the fact that she
Speaker 3: can't separate the two. Do you know what I mean?
Speaker 3: It's her son.
Speaker 1: Has he moved on? Has he is he dating?
Speaker 3: Do you know you're he's got a girlfriend?
Speaker 1: For Okay, Kelly, are you you were saying that you're
Speaker 1: still single?
Speaker 3: I am so single. I have chosen to do like
Speaker 3: dive into myself and do it. And he rushed into
Speaker 3: another relationship, which is there's also.
Speaker 1: That's the easiest, that's the easiest way to go, by
Speaker 1: the way it is, Kelly, say more, Kelly, come on, girl.
Speaker 2: Cheryl's like, I love Cheryl's celibate, She's sober, she's amazing,
Speaker 2: and I am I was like a complete train wreck,
Speaker 2: like until I started this podcast.
Speaker 1: Stop it. If you were to ask me why I'm
Speaker 1: choosing this path, that's a whole nother podcast.
Speaker 2: Okay, well I want to hear more about that.
Speaker 1: No, tell us your story for the holidays.
Speaker 2: You know, since I my ex husband is French and
Speaker 2: a lot older than I am, we spend a lot
Speaker 2: of time with my family. So I'm just so grateful
Speaker 2: to have been able to spend time with my twin
Speaker 2: brother and my sister and our family and my kids
Speaker 2: and their children, like always had like a really nice
Speaker 2: time together. Going by myself on a train or in
Speaker 2: a car or on a plane with my two kids.
Speaker 2: Always traveling alone was something that you know, I used
Speaker 2: to dread so much, and it was always like, you know,
Speaker 2: the kids, and then there's Kelly, and like, who's Kelly's
Speaker 2: going to sit next to because she's by herself. And
Speaker 2: I mean, obviously my family's beautiful to me, but I
Speaker 2: don't think that they ever knew that that would affect me,
Speaker 2: But it was always you know, where am I going
Speaker 2: to sit or who am I going to sit next to?
Speaker 3: Are you starting new traditions? Like now that you have
Speaker 3: this space of being your own and your your most
Speaker 3: powerful self. Are you starting new traditions with the kids.
Speaker 2: Well, so my but both of unfortunately both my parents
Speaker 2: are now deceased, and so I've been spending a lot
Speaker 2: of time, you know, continue to spend time with with
Speaker 2: my twin brother. This year, we're going to be with
Speaker 2: some family friends, which is really nice. But we were
Speaker 2: going to originally just be together, just the three of us.
Speaker 2: And it was very like strange how last year we
Speaker 2: had spent time with a man that I was going
Speaker 2: to be getting married to with his family.
Speaker 3: No, Daryl, tell her, don't ever do it again.
Speaker 1: So ever, Kelly, it was a godsend that it didn't happen.
Speaker 1: I'll just say that I.
Speaker 2: Was gonna see me on the street she met Kelly. No, Kelly,
Speaker 2: no bat see.
Speaker 3: I don't.
Speaker 1: I don't. The whole marriage concept is like it is
Speaker 1: what it is like. Look, I just don't think there's
Speaker 1: a rush. I think it's overrated. I'm decigned a contract.
Speaker 2: To get married, but I would like to have I've
Speaker 2: always wanted to have the life and the the relationship
Speaker 2: that I saw with my parents. I've always wanted that.
Speaker 2: I've always looked up to that and not like it's
Speaker 2: some like Disney movie. But I mean I literally like
Speaker 2: that's what. That's how I see myself throughout the next
Speaker 2: chapter of my life with a partner.
Speaker 1: Are you putting a lot of pressure on yourself, because
Speaker 1: I believe it's generational too, don't you think like in
Speaker 1: a way back then, maybe it's like there was no
Speaker 1: talk of divorce. I would assume Listen, I'm just going.
Speaker 2: Through this process. I just started this podcast, so I
Speaker 2: am like, you guys are like way beyond me. I'm
Speaker 2: still like, I'm still in like the guppy stage. So
Speaker 2: you guys have to give me a break because I
Speaker 2: literally just my first like one person podcast where I
Speaker 2: literally was crying and I couldn't even get the words out.
Speaker 3: I think I'm with Cheryl. I feel like I was like,
Speaker 3: I'm sure I value companionship, I value partnerships, I value commitment,
Speaker 3: all of those things I know longer now that I've
Speaker 3: already done it, I don't need to coke goal my money.
Speaker 2: My god, no, that is a hard lin know we
Speaker 2: are two individuals. Oh yeah, I literally called off my
Speaker 2: I called off my engagement because I was like, if
Speaker 2: you're not going to sign this prenup, there's no had
Speaker 2: a girl, no prenup, no me, no, no no co mingling,
Speaker 2: no no nor.
Speaker 3: Mama works hard and mama pays for her own place,
Speaker 3: and I pay for my own groceries and my own
Speaker 3: car and my own house children, And I don't need that.
Speaker 3: Correct love for someone to walk along beside me, I
Speaker 3: would like that, but a contract that binds it.
Speaker 1: We're not one just because we're together, does it not
Speaker 1: mean like it does two separate people, two separate lives,
Speaker 1: and hopefully we're compatible.
Speaker 2: Great, So, Diana, Like, what if you're walking, if you're
Speaker 2: in the super market, because you know that's where you meet.
Speaker 2: The hottest guys is always in the super Really, if
Speaker 2: you're a market you meet some hot gyme, what are
Speaker 2: you gonna do?
Speaker 3: No, they are not in Whole Foods. They are not.
Speaker 3: They're not standing next, they're not doing it. They're not.
Speaker 2: They probably are you just Chelsea, though I seriously never
Speaker 2: leave my house. By the way, just because you're wearing
Speaker 2: a hat doesn't mean that makes you hotter, by the way,
Speaker 2: it does.
Speaker 3: Stopping attention, I'm not listening to anyone and I don't
Speaker 3: pay attention at all whatsoever.
Speaker 1: But also's energy, right, Like if you are ready. When
Speaker 1: you are ready. There, you know, it's like, I'm my
Speaker 1: energy is like, don't look at me twice, that's what
Speaker 1: my energy is giving off.
Speaker 2: Meanwhile, you're so gorgeous. That's hard for a lot of people.
Speaker 2: They're like, You're like, don't look at me. They're like, oh,
Speaker 2: I don't.
Speaker 1: Leave my house, like I instacart, I don't go to
Speaker 1: grocery stores.
Speaker 2: By the way, I know a lot of people in
Speaker 2: Santa Barbara, like really good people. I'm gonna I'm gonna
Speaker 2: introduce you to.
Speaker 3: Okay, almost makeup here. It looks so.
Speaker 1: Perfect, Well, thank you, and it's just therapeutic for me.
Speaker 1: It takes me three hours get ready. I'm not kidding.
Speaker 2: Oh that's two three hours.
Speaker 1: But I don't have it.
Speaker 2: I'm a fifteen minute. Well today I got my hair
Speaker 2: blown out, but like if it's my own self, I'm
Speaker 2: like fifteen minutes, I'm I'm lay my clothes. I know
Speaker 2: exactly what I'm wearing. Boom.
Speaker 1: What can my listeners do that are listening on this
Speaker 1: Thanksgiving Day? What can they do to really, you know,
Speaker 1: I guess feel the void of being alone? Like any
Speaker 1: suggestions as far as keeping their spirits up.
Speaker 3: I okay, Kelly, forgive me. But I believe there is
Speaker 3: a really safe space being alone. I I genuinely love
Speaker 3: being alone. I think there is a spot where you
Speaker 3: can sit in your own self and get to know yourself.
Speaker 1: And that's so make sure of you.
Speaker 3: Oh, it's not always easy.
Speaker 1: It's called adulting.
Speaker 3: Like, wow, I'm like truly adulting.
Speaker 2: You guys, don't use words I don't know what they
Speaker 2: mean yet, don't use adulting and things like that.
Speaker 1: It's not fair adulting, Kelly, you better know what that means.
Speaker 3: I would say, it's not always easy. I have had
Speaker 3: a really tough week. I've looked at some heart in
Speaker 3: my life this week, and I have felt really lonely.
Speaker 3: I felt really really alone. And I think that's a
Speaker 3: very humanly nature thing to do, you know, to just
Speaker 3: sit in your own space and just feel really alone
Speaker 3: and want.
Speaker 1: Do you I mean, like, honestly, is it better? Like
Speaker 1: when someone feels let's say, lonely and they're having to
Speaker 1: go like this is the worst, Like when I have
Speaker 1: to go to a family gathering and the last thing
Speaker 1: I want to do is just pretend I'm happy and
Speaker 1: like all festive and like, you know, everyone's all in
Speaker 1: their couples, and my sisters with her fiance, my mom
Speaker 1: and my stepdad, and then it's like me and my
Speaker 1: little frenchie, who like snores really loud. And there's always
Speaker 1: this like awkward thing where it's like, ohky, hey, do
Speaker 1: I help with the deck? Or like what do you
Speaker 1: need help? Like what do I do? I guess what
Speaker 1: do you?
Speaker 3: I thrive? And it's like that I thrive like that
Speaker 3: I do because I do feel like a very strong woman.
Speaker 3: I feel very confident, I really empowered.
Speaker 1: Where do you get that from?
Speaker 3: You're raised, right, lots of trauma therapy, a lot, you know.
Speaker 3: I always was kind of this person, and then I
Speaker 3: got married and I lived in a marriage where there
Speaker 3: was a lot of brokenness and and trauma and just
Speaker 3: gaslighting and manipulation, and there was a lot of things.
Speaker 3: I was never going to please the man that I
Speaker 3: was with. I was never going to be pleasing. But
Speaker 3: to me, that's okay, because I'm not a pleasing human being.
Speaker 3: I love me and I love myself, and I feel
Speaker 3: very strong and very kind and secure and who I am.
Speaker 3: And there was a moment in time that that got
Speaker 3: taken away from me. Someone that I loved so much.
Speaker 3: I truly wanted to be a pleasing wife and what
Speaker 3: I thought the Bible designed for a woman to be.
Speaker 3: And I think that that just took everything from me.
Speaker 3: I lost who I was. And I think through tons
Speaker 3: of therapy and diving in dogs diving into me again,
Speaker 3: I'll never lose that ever again. I know who I am,
Speaker 3: I know what I want, I know how I want
Speaker 3: to be treated, and I will never ever settle and
Speaker 3: I will never ever lose me again. Preach I'll never
Speaker 3: do it.
Speaker 2: I mean, you know, it's interesting we were talking when
Speaker 2: you were talking about Cheryl. You know, you're talking about
Speaker 2: being being alone and gaslighting and you know all these
Speaker 2: things that are trying to like keep you know, break
Speaker 2: you down, and you know there is there have been moments,
Speaker 2: you know when because I am the provider, I'm the
Speaker 2: mom and the dad for my children, and you know
Speaker 2: when you're being like really pushed down like that, or
Speaker 2: you know, like just people are you know, trying to
Speaker 2: like make you feel like you're not doing what they
Speaker 2: you know, how they you should be doing it, or
Speaker 2: the way that they want you to do it, or
Speaker 2: you know the best way, this way whatever it is,
Speaker 2: or you're just not good enough for that moment. I
Speaker 2: think that, you know, for me, that was one of
Speaker 2: the times where I would just I could I could
Speaker 2: just feel it. I have really bad psoriasis, and I
Speaker 2: could just feel my psoriasis like it was just all
Speaker 2: it would just would just like start to go crazy
Speaker 2: and I could literally feel it, and and then I
Speaker 2: would just like close my eyes and I would just
Speaker 2: be like that. I'm like, I am not going to
Speaker 2: let anybody take me away from me. And for some
Speaker 2: weird reason like swearing at myself. This is after someone
Speaker 2: had gas let me and you know, told me that
Speaker 2: I was like awful and you know and liked me,
Speaker 2: and I had no friends and dah da dah I
Speaker 2: was going to be nobody, and I was always going
Speaker 2: to be nobody. Like every single guy I've ever dated,
Speaker 2: You're a nobody. You're an absolute nobody. You're a nobody,
Speaker 2: and uh even on television, like I was always a nobody.
Speaker 2: You're awful, human, fat, ugly, nobody, uneducated, I mean, even whatever.
Speaker 2: And I would literally just say that to myself with
Speaker 2: my eyes closed, and I swear to God, the energy
Speaker 2: just shift it and I'm like I'm not going to
Speaker 2: put up with anyone, and like the next day I
Speaker 2: would do something like wildly successful or you know, really
Speaker 2: good like whatever. I would run faster or do whatever
Speaker 2: it was. I don't know if that's healthy, but that
Speaker 2: was my way of coping with you know, just feeling
Speaker 2: like like really feeling like and I could feel myself
Speaker 2: also just like I could my adrenaline would be so
Speaker 2: high that I could feel myself actually losing weight. I
Speaker 2: know that sounds like a weird thing, but I could
Speaker 2: literally feel myself losing weight.
Speaker 1: No, I hear. I can relate so much. Like it's
Speaker 1: interesting because the body keeps the score, like it really does.
Speaker 1: So like when it comes to you know that book
Speaker 1: Cheryl A million times?
Speaker 3: I love it a million times.
Speaker 1: Have you read it, Kelly? You have to read it.
Speaker 2: Oh, I have to read this.
Speaker 1: I'm going to get it for you for Christmas. It
Speaker 1: is I mean, you can also listen to it on audible.
Speaker 1: It'll it's a doozy though, so maybe it's better to
Speaker 1: read it. But it is so true, like when you're talking,
Speaker 1: your sosias is being like activated in a way. It's
Speaker 1: your body, it's we I mean, I still have so
Speaker 1: much trauma. And this is why I also do somatic
Speaker 1: therapy as well. But like, this is why dance saved
Speaker 1: my life because it's like there is a way to
Speaker 1: tap into it, right and your body's telling you something, Kelly.
Speaker 1: So when you stood up for yourself, did it go away?
Speaker 2: For my own self? I told myself like I didn't
Speaker 2: have anyone. I didn't tell anyone. Oh my god, this
Speaker 2: is happening right. I just like, no one is going
Speaker 2: to tell me that I'm not good enough and I'm
Speaker 2: just going to go and be better because I wasn't
Speaker 2: going to like put up with it anymore.
Speaker 1: And you did it affect your body?
Speaker 3: Though?
Speaker 1: Like did you did it go away?
Speaker 2: I mean I would you know? I you know it
Speaker 2: would be you know EDB and flow of course throughout that,
Speaker 2: but you know it was not exactly the easiest thing.
Speaker 2: And like when you can see something, it's different when
Speaker 2: you it's different to feel something than when you actually
Speaker 2: see it on your body. And people are like, wow,
Speaker 2: you're you know, you're really irritated today or something's going
Speaker 2: on with your own and I'm.
Speaker 1: Just like you, I got hives all over my face, Okay,
Speaker 1: So I used to be a heavy drinker, and I
Speaker 1: was the type of drinker where you didn't know if
Speaker 1: I was drunk or sober. So that's the most dangerous
Speaker 1: type of alcoholic, I think. And when my father passed away,
Speaker 1: all of a sudden, I took one sip of a
Speaker 1: vodka soda, which was my poison of choice, and I
Speaker 1: just broke out into hives because I hadn't dealt like literally,
Speaker 1: I mean, I stopped drinking for material reasons straight up,
Speaker 1: and then I just decided I just don't have any desire,
Speaker 1: I guess, to continue drinking. But like, it is very interesting,
Speaker 1: how like your boy, like you can feel it, like
Speaker 1: when I get anxiety, when my heart drops to my stomach.
Speaker 1: It's like and then yet we're all intuitive, like all
Speaker 1: of us have it right. It's just about trusting yourself
Speaker 1: and listening to your body, I guess, which is interesting.
Speaker 2: Well, yeah, I don't want anyone to gaslight you. And
Speaker 2: if they are gaslighting you, text me and I will
Speaker 2: talk to you because I don't like that. So I'm like,
Speaker 2: now I'm going to be like the gaslighting cop. That
Speaker 2: just doesn't work for me, And I won't let anyone
Speaker 2: talk to me like that, and I definitely am not
Speaker 2: going to let anyone talk to you like that. So
Speaker 2: that's just not happening.
Speaker 3: A really unhealthy relationship teaches you what is not right.
Speaker 3: So I hopefully, hopefully I was a very secure attached
Speaker 3: human being before I got married.
Speaker 1: I feel like you are still. I was going to
Speaker 1: say that.
Speaker 3: Well, I am now, I know because I've tested since.
Speaker 1: I've Kelly, who are you remember we talked about this
Speaker 1: last time.
Speaker 2: I'm working on it. I'm a working progress.
Speaker 1: I've got to center that test.
Speaker 3: I am a very securely attached human being now, and
Speaker 3: I was before I got married. But somewhere along the
Speaker 3: way in a relationship, as I tried to find myself
Speaker 3: and tried to become this we I mean codependent, that's
Speaker 3: what we were, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: I'm definitely there still.
Speaker 3: This person who relied on another human being. It took me.
Speaker 3: It was very hard for me to learn to rely
Speaker 3: on another human being. So there was the lines were
Speaker 3: very flawed with me when it came to relying on
Speaker 3: another human being and then being my own. And so
Speaker 3: when the mayor ended, it was very hard for me
Speaker 3: and very traumatic to reshape the lines.
Speaker 1: Because you were vulnerable and you basically let go of
Speaker 1: control right in order to be able to be that
Speaker 1: vulnerable person with somebody.
Speaker 2: Yes, And I see, I've never had that because I
Speaker 2: was a provider. I never I never was. I was
Speaker 2: codependent in the way that I would try to make
Speaker 2: myself feel like I needed that person even though I
Speaker 2: was the one doing all the work. And so it
Speaker 2: was this very like you know, this this crazy strong
Speaker 2: dynamic with myself of like, you know, can I trust
Speaker 2: this really trust this person, like you know, how much
Speaker 2: can I ask of them? And never like asking anything,
Speaker 2: like never saying like asking them a question or you know,
Speaker 2: second guessing anything like just never you know, which.
Speaker 3: Was codependency in general is really really really gross. I mean,
Speaker 3: it's just off.
Speaker 1: Have you read the book Codependent No More?
Speaker 2: I think I. But I definitely have had some codependency
Speaker 2: with some guys that I've dated in the past. I
Speaker 2: definitely have had that.
Speaker 3: Absolutely, there's a waterfall effect when you have codependency. Yes,
Speaker 3: you know how to be codependent. I think that it
Speaker 3: is a it is a slippery slope.
Speaker 1: But it's also different forms. Like I'm rereading it right,
Speaker 1: there's a new codependent. No more like a newer version,
Speaker 1: and I'm actually listening to it right now, and I'm
Speaker 1: shocked as to what I was hearing, because I was like, wait,
Speaker 1: I thought codependency meant like codependency like I need you
Speaker 1: in my I need another person in my life that
Speaker 1: I'm going to just rely on for everything. But it's
Speaker 1: not that. It's also being the breadwinner and also wanting to.
Speaker 3: Good morning, good morning, good morning. It's so great to
Speaker 3: hear from you. It's all the thing. So we were
Speaker 3: talking about dating into the holidays, and it's all of
Speaker 3: those things. I think about, why do I even bother?
Speaker 3: Why do I even bother dating simply because you slip?
Speaker 3: Or I also think, and Cheryl and Kelly tell me
Speaker 3: if I'm wrong, But I think I'm in a place
Speaker 3: that I'm too healed, I'm too therapized. I've had too
Speaker 3: much therapy.
Speaker 1: You think there's a such a thing as too much therapy?
Speaker 3: I am too therapies.
Speaker 1: Absolutely interesting. I've never heard that before.
Speaker 2: I haven't either.
Speaker 1: I've been in therapy since I was four. You're no,
Speaker 1: you're very you have it.
Speaker 2: You have such empathy, and you know, you're very verbal,
Speaker 2: and you're very open and communicative.
Speaker 3: Also in a place where like every time some god
Speaker 3: texts me every single morning, he's like, hey, good morning,
Speaker 3: and I'm like, nope, nope, this is a red flag.
Speaker 3: It's a red flag, hard red flag. No one should
Speaker 3: text you every single day. What aren't you doing? Don't
Speaker 3: you have a job? What is life?
Speaker 1: It takes two seconds, though, mind you to text good morning.
Speaker 2: I think that's nice that he's saying good morning. I
Speaker 2: think that's so thoughtful.
Speaker 1: No, it's not a red I think I think you're
Speaker 1: just not ready to be maybe in a relationship. That's okay, though, Yeah.
Speaker 2: I think it's good. It's nice to when you're when
Speaker 2: someone there's someone that you care about, when they say
Speaker 2: something like they send you like a meme or say
Speaker 2: good morning or wait.
Speaker 1: Why is it a red flag? I'm just out of cureuriosity.
Speaker 3: For me, it's a red flag because they don't know
Speaker 3: you yet. So I'm only saying that in a sense.
Speaker 1: I totally hear you. I get it.
Speaker 3: Yes, if you've only known that morning or two, they
Speaker 3: don't truly know you. Know, that's weird, depth of like
Speaker 3: your core. Uh, they shouldn't be texting you every single day.
Speaker 1: Like, I guess you asked for that, right, Like, that's
Speaker 1: one thing which I'm pretty sure I can bet my
Speaker 1: right ass cheek. You didn't ask for that.
Speaker 2: I didn't know, but I'm a Texter, so I that's
Speaker 2: what I do with my friends like work. I'm like,
Speaker 2: good morning, How are you hoping you have a drake
Speaker 2: great day? Like I'm that's like my way of.
Speaker 1: Maybe I'm too maybe I'm Can you start texting me that?
Speaker 1: That would be nice. I would definitely like put me
Speaker 1: on that chain. Copy paste, copy paste.
Speaker 2: No, I don't copy and paste. I write it myself.
Speaker 1: That's what I would do. I don't have the freaking
Speaker 1: I'm like, come on, how do we can how can
Speaker 1: I multitask though there's no such thing? What do you
Speaker 1: girls think about splitting the holidays with your kids? Like
Speaker 1: I remember I did that or I until my dad
Speaker 1: decided to move out of the country. But how do
Speaker 1: you feel about all that?
Speaker 3: I don't know if you're doing it yet, Kelly, are you.
Speaker 2: I've never split my I've always had my kids. I've
Speaker 2: only had I've been on holidays with my kids. I've
Speaker 2: never I've never i've had my ex's kids with us,
Speaker 2: but I've never not been with my children and I will.
Speaker 2: I mean, that's something that I'm in fear of. Is like,
Speaker 2: you know, I'm excited for them because my kids are
Speaker 2: so much older. Man, they're twenty four and twenty six.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, yeah, but.
Speaker 2: What happens when they meet these there are these guys
Speaker 2: and they're like, Mom, we're going to go to so
Speaker 2: AND's ho's house. I want to be devastated. I'm I'll
Speaker 2: be like, what where.
Speaker 3: I would tell you my children are almost nine and
Speaker 3: almost and we split, and I would say it's really
Speaker 3: really hard. Oh, I see them. So this is my
Speaker 3: first Thanksgiving alone with the kids. So I'm thankful my
Speaker 3: dad and his wife will come out and be with us,
Speaker 3: because I was really worried about us being alone, you know,
Speaker 3: because I feel like I'm in this space where I'm
Speaker 3: just trying to go above and beyond to make sure
Speaker 3: the kids are are full and happy and loved and
Speaker 3: have this really wonderful life that they feel really full
Speaker 3: when they're with me, because I want them to love
Speaker 3: to be with me, and because I am single and
Speaker 3: he has a girlfriend. I also sit in this other
Speaker 3: space where I just want to choke her.
Speaker 1: Totally, girl, thank you.
Speaker 3: I am really grateful that she is kind.
Speaker 1: Totally you are, let's talk, let's be real.
Speaker 3: It is like a double edge. I am really thankful
Speaker 3: that she is kind to my children and that she
Speaker 3: is kind.
Speaker 1: She better be with the hell. You don't get a
Speaker 1: gold star to be kind.
Speaker 2: Husband up with a girl, I mean a woman, so
Speaker 2: that I could be like we're done. I literally was like,
Speaker 2: here's your new girlfriend or done?
Speaker 1: Stop it.
Speaker 2: I couldn't take it anymore.
Speaker 3: I did not do that.
Speaker 2: I did.
Speaker 3: You are with someone for so long, like I was
Speaker 3: with my ex husband for fifteen years, and.
Speaker 1: Then it is.
Speaker 3: Okay, So overnight I don't feel like I know him
Speaker 3: at all, Like like literally I went to sleep and
Speaker 3: I woke up and I'm like, who the heck is
Speaker 3: this human being? And just that alone, for me in particular,
Speaker 3: is really hard and it's really hard to grasp because
Speaker 3: when you marry someone and you're you're with someone for
Speaker 3: that long, you are most intimate with that human being.
Speaker 2: And so.
Speaker 3: From that and again, I didn't ask for divorce. It
Speaker 3: was his choice. Although I'm grateful for it now, I'm
Speaker 3: very happy now. It is amazing to me how it
Speaker 3: goes overnight you do not know that person anymore. They
Speaker 3: are no longer you're human.
Speaker 1: Is it the communication or like what happened?
Speaker 3: I think it's a number of things.
Speaker 2: See, mine was a slow death. Mine was like mine
Speaker 2: was like a Mine was like a crockpot where I
Speaker 2: was like in there just boiling up, boiling up. I
Speaker 2: was like, I was like, Okay, it's continuing, it's continuing,
Speaker 2: there's continuing. I can only handle so much, Like I
Speaker 2: couldn't take it.
Speaker 3: Because I am so loyal to a fault. I am
Speaker 3: loyal to a fault to myself that I likely would
Speaker 3: have wrote it out for sixty years. I would have
Speaker 3: stayed married. I would have been in this unhappy marriage
Speaker 3: for sixty years for the rest of my life. I
Speaker 3: would have seen my children graduate high school and college
Speaker 3: and get married and have children themselves. And I would
Speaker 3: have lived in this unhappy marriage had he not chosen
Speaker 3: to leave.
Speaker 1: But it's a blessing because like if I my mom
Speaker 1: didn't choose to leave my father, I don't think I
Speaker 1: would be here today because kids are very observant, as
Speaker 1: you know, and we can feel it all. So it's
Speaker 1: like at the end of the day. What's the healthiest scenario?
Speaker 2: You know, I mean, I agree with you down too, Like,
Speaker 2: I mean, I would have stayed even though it was
Speaker 2: just such a horrible situation. Like I didn't know any
Speaker 2: I'm from Rockford, Illinois. I mean, no one gets divorced
Speaker 2: in Rockford.
Speaker 3: Illinois and they're like, Kelly, no one.
Speaker 2: I'm just saying, like I'm old is but I just why.
Speaker 2: No one knows the true story. No one knows what
Speaker 2: Rockf Illinois is exactly. But like people, people would get
Speaker 2: divorced there, and I was like, my when like someone
Speaker 2: got divorced my parents be like they got divorced. I
Speaker 2: was like, oh my god, what does that mean? What happened?
Speaker 2: Like is it infectious? Like is it contagious?
Speaker 1: But that's why it's important to have these conversations because
Speaker 1: it's normal, I know.
Speaker 2: But my point is I'm with like Deanna, like I
Speaker 2: would have stayed. I just I just could. I just
Speaker 2: couldn't do it anymore. My kids were growing up and
Speaker 2: it was just like so much. It was I was
Speaker 2: alone so much, and then what I was exposed to
Speaker 2: on top of that, it was just like I couldn't
Speaker 2: handle it.
Speaker 1: It's glad you guys didn't stay.
Speaker 3: The kids said to me once I finally moved into
Speaker 3: a place on my own and we were here for
Speaker 3: a year, and I said to the kids, how are you?
Speaker 3: How are you feeling? You know? And again, I'm pro
Speaker 3: mental health. I have had them in therapy. I'm doing
Speaker 3: all of the things to make sure that they, god,
Speaker 3: I hope turn out okay and as as possible, I'm
Speaker 3: trying all of the all of the things. But I
Speaker 3: remember saying to my kids, you know, how how are you?
Speaker 3: What do you think now that it's just me here
Speaker 3: and Daddy's in his own space. And the kids looked
Speaker 3: at me and they said, we're really grateful we don't
Speaker 3: have to hear you fight anymore.
Speaker 1: Oh, right do they are? They open? Wow to you
Speaker 1: with the feelings.
Speaker 3: Tell me that's all like gut wrenching. Tell me that
Speaker 3: not just got wrenching real To this day, I could
Speaker 3: sob right now because I would say that Stephen and
Speaker 3: I both thought we were doing a really good job
Speaker 3: to hide it from them.
Speaker 1: To oh, it's just like we're like my parents never
Speaker 1: fought in front of me, but like I felt it heavy.
Speaker 1: It was heavy.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, So I think I thought we were doing
Speaker 3: a really good job of protecting the kids.
Speaker 1: But really, but you did by breaking up. Seriously though seriously,
Speaker 1: I can't even it's hard probably to see. I mean,
Speaker 1: for me, I don't I honestly think I would have.
Speaker 1: I already have a bad pattern of picking of men
Speaker 1: because I never really had a stable man in my
Speaker 1: life as far as when I was a young girl.
Speaker 1: But like, I don't even think I think I would
Speaker 1: have been off my rock or if I if I
Speaker 1: witnessed more than what I witnessed with my parents.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think that I learned through lots of that.
Speaker 3: I come from a long history of abandonment. Like my
Speaker 3: mother died when I was young, and that's a source
Speaker 3: of a man. I'm sorry my dad left my mom,
Speaker 3: and that is a source of abandonment. And I'm like,
Speaker 3: he ever chose me. He always chose women over me,
Speaker 3: And pretty much every relationship that I have had since
Speaker 3: has been men that have abandoned me. So I think
Speaker 3: that I am finally in a place in my life
Speaker 3: or I'm just I'm not willing to do that any longer.
Speaker 3: I want someone and I don't care who they are.
Speaker 3: I don't care what they look like. I don't care
Speaker 3: what they do for a living. I don't care how
Speaker 3: much money they make. I just want to feel loved
Speaker 3: and chosen, and I won't settle for less than that.
Speaker 1: That's beautiful. I was attracted to the bad boy, so like,
Speaker 1: I hope to get to where you are, because that's all.
Speaker 1: I didn't have that father figure, you know. Yeah, but yeah,
Speaker 1: I also come from abandonment. I am very much anxious attachment. Hello,
Speaker 1: my name is Cheryl Burke, and I am anxious attachment
Speaker 1: and recovering alcoholic. So, uh, there's that. How about you, Kelly,
Speaker 1: Are you into solo traveling during the holidays or in
Speaker 1: general when you're single.
Speaker 2: I mean, I've done it for the entire time, always
Speaker 2: just traveled.
Speaker 1: With my kids, like for the on vacation and stuff.
Speaker 2: And that you know that mom just with her kids.
Speaker 2: Everyone else is like, you know, the kids are the mother.
Speaker 2: Father and mother are screaming at their kids, and I'm
Speaker 2: just like sitting there, my kids are not moving. And
Speaker 2: I also I'm like, wait a minute, this is so
Speaker 2: not fair, Like I'm the one that's sitting there and
Speaker 2: my kids are well mannered, and everybody else has like
Speaker 2: a co parent and the kids are running around like
Speaker 2: like you know wild. I'm like, how is this fair?
Speaker 1: You have your kids in check and then you've got
Speaker 1: two grown ass adults.
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, Why why do I have to be that person?
Speaker 2: Why can't I Why can't my kids be like, you know,
Speaker 2: drinking too much coca cola? And like, how.
Speaker 1: About solo traveling without kids?
Speaker 3: Way too much sugar coca cola.
Speaker 2: I'm just kidding. We did miss a flight though, once
Speaker 2: because my kids were like on their phones and I
Speaker 2: just was like, okay, you guys are to be responsible.
Speaker 2: We totally missed the flight. My twin brother was like incensed,
Speaker 2: what are you guys doing. I'm like, we missed the flight.
Speaker 2: We never missed a flight since them.
Speaker 1: How about solo traveling without kids? I love traveling solo.
Speaker 2: I have so much anxiety when I travel.
Speaker 3: No, Kelly, it's.
Speaker 1: The best thing to me, and you love it so much.
Speaker 2: But because I wasn't. When I wasn't, I was. I
Speaker 2: started modeling when I was fifteen, so I traveled so
Speaker 2: much as a young as a young person and just
Speaker 2: traveling like all over the place. Like people are like, oh,
Speaker 2: modeling is so great. You are always by yourself on
Speaker 2: a plane to like Asia to your to California to
Speaker 2: New York, and it's like one day here, one day there,
Speaker 2: and by yourself. It was so much. And then when
Speaker 2: my kids travel, I mean, I couldn't even travel with
Speaker 2: my kids. I couldn't even drive a car for a
Speaker 2: long for a long period of time, I couldn't be alone.
Speaker 3: I'm a corporate flight attendant. I've done it for over
Speaker 3: fourteen years. I love it. If I am home too long,
Speaker 3: I feel lost. I need to be on the road.
Speaker 3: I need to be traveling. I need to go and
Speaker 3: be somewhere and stay in a hotel. And I love
Speaker 3: hotels all of the things. But Kelly, you said, people
Speaker 3: are always like, oh my gosh, your life is so amazing.
Speaker 3: You're traveling to all these places and you're going all
Speaker 3: over the world. And you know what I would say
Speaker 3: is I do it alone. I am alone most of
Speaker 3: the time. And I do genuinely love my job. I
Speaker 3: love what I do. I love the family that I
Speaker 3: I am so deeply grateful for them and for the paycheck.
Speaker 3: And I could put a roof over the kids heads.
Speaker 3: But I do it alone all the time. I'm alone
Speaker 3: on the road ninety nine and a half percent of
Speaker 3: the time.
Speaker 1: Would you like to not be alone? Would you want
Speaker 1: someone to travel?
Speaker 3: I think that if I could live in a perfect
Speaker 3: world and I were to have someone and choose someone,
Speaker 3: I would love it if they would join me. Yes,
Speaker 3: that would be because I genuinely love to travel and
Speaker 3: I deeply love my job. I think if I were
Speaker 3: to find someone and they were a good match for me,
Speaker 3: it would it would be for them to join me
Speaker 3: on the road. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Has it ever been like a thing where you were
Speaker 1: dating and let's say it's just too hard because of
Speaker 1: your schedule of traveling.
Speaker 3: Or yeah, I'm listen, why do you think I'm still single?
Speaker 1: Well, I mean I don't travel so now I would
Speaker 1: say that it is literally my life revolves around my
Speaker 1: job or I.
Speaker 3: Have the kids.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Have you met anyone traveling like that?
Speaker 2: I have?
Speaker 3: And I think that I meet really great people when
Speaker 3: I'm on the road. I would I meet people that
Speaker 3: I would actually really like to have a relationship with.
Speaker 3: But I'm on the road.
Speaker 2: You know, it's interesting, is that too? Like, you know,
Speaker 2: I travel a lot for work now as well, and
Speaker 2: you know, I find myself even though I can't. I
Speaker 2: don't have to come home. I mean, my kids are older,
Speaker 2: they go to work, they have their own jobs. But
Speaker 2: I find still find myself. When I was a model,
Speaker 2: I'd be like, I just take the right eye home.
Speaker 2: I have to get home, you know. I always have
Speaker 2: to get home to my kids. Always had to get
Speaker 2: home to my kids. And I still do the same thing.
Speaker 2: I'm like on a flight six am to Florida and
Speaker 2: I'm on a flight coming home, like wait, I could
Speaker 2: be staying overnight, i could be feeling gorgeous like wherever
Speaker 2: I am, and I'm like on a plane to be
Speaker 2: back home just in case. I'm always like just in case,
Speaker 2: good mom, No, But I mean like dance right, Like,
Speaker 2: I mean, it's one thing to be alone, and I understand.
Speaker 2: I understand what I do and how I do it.
Speaker 2: But you know, I also can like maybe give myself
Speaker 2: a little I can actually give myself a little grace
Speaker 2: and say, like it's okay to do some things that
Speaker 2: I may like, yeah, like why.
Speaker 1: Not, and like pamper yourself and give back to yourself, right.
Speaker 2: I mean I think it's so I love when John
Speaker 2: said she gave you know, she gives a lot of
Speaker 2: other people all disgrace, But I think too we need
Speaker 2: to also really give ourselves. I mean's you know, that's
Speaker 2: the lesson, that's the takeaway that I'm getting from today,
Speaker 2: is like giving myself some grace.
Speaker 1: And I think that's what we do when we choose
Speaker 1: to be single. To be quite honest, though it's hard,
Speaker 1: and at times especially I think around the holidays it
Speaker 1: gets triggered for me at least, But what are also
Speaker 1: some great things about being single over the holidays other
Speaker 1: than I don't have to I mean, I used to
Speaker 1: go all out with my ex husband. I paid for crazy.
Speaker 3: Yes, listen, you can come home. I have the best house,
Speaker 3: I have the best neighbors, and I pay for it.
Speaker 1: All by myself.
Speaker 3: Good for you, and whatever I want, and I can
Speaker 3: watch whatever I want, and I can do whatever I want. Amen,
Speaker 3: A lot of piece in that.
Speaker 2: And eat whatever you want and whatever time you want. Yes,
Speaker 2: we'll throw the mask on whatever in your pajamas, pimple patches.
Speaker 2: No one can say a word.
Speaker 3: If someone is coming into this. If they are, they
Speaker 3: have to be really great because it's going to take
Speaker 3: a lot for me to give up what have right now?
Speaker 1: Why do you have to give up what you have?
Speaker 1: Men are needy? Yeah, but then no, you're not. No. No,
Speaker 1: You remember we talked about in the beginning with two individuals,
Speaker 1: you know, right coming into this thing so called relationship.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, that I will never ever again. I will not.
Speaker 3: I'm going to I'm going to be me and live
Speaker 3: my life and still full in this aspect. And I
Speaker 3: will only ever choose to bring someone else into that
Speaker 3: if they add to it.
Speaker 1: Correct.
Speaker 2: But I'm just trying to think back to to Cheryl's
Speaker 2: question about like what are the things that like are
Speaker 2: good to be when you're you know, why is it
Speaker 2: good to be single during the holiday? So you can
Speaker 2: eat what you want, drink what you want, where what
Speaker 2: you want where, the makeup that you want, The fragrance that.
Speaker 1: You make gives for yourself instead of taking.
Speaker 2: It gifts for yourself. No one is micromanaging or.
Speaker 1: Also the in laws, like not everyone has great in
Speaker 1: laws or had great in laws. You know, it's like
Speaker 1: you were lucky, data, I was lucky.
Speaker 3: I'm still really lucky. I really love them.
Speaker 1: Before we wrap it up, what are you guys both
Speaker 1: looking forward to this holiday season?
Speaker 2: What am I looking forward to? You know, I moved
Speaker 2: out of my apartment into an apartment with my ex
Speaker 2: fiance and back into my own a little apartment, which
Speaker 2: I actually love. It's like a hug and to you know,
Speaker 2: have our tree after things to you know, tomorrow we're
Speaker 2: gonna get our tree and just really just enjoy our
Speaker 2: holiday together and just do things together. And I told
Speaker 2: my daughter, I was like, I want to go skating.
Speaker 2: I just wanted to like do like real things together,
Speaker 2: like not a much shopping, but just like whatever they
Speaker 2: want to do or the movies. Just do things that
Speaker 2: like make us a strong family.
Speaker 3: You know.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, I'm gonna cry.
Speaker 3: I know I've wanted to cry a thousand times.
Speaker 1: I don't have kids, Hence why there's a dry eye
Speaker 1: over here.
Speaker 2: I'm just so happy to like be with my girls,
Speaker 2: and I am I'm just like just be with us,
Speaker 2: like us and like not like you know, if the
Speaker 2: present's not right or you know, I just am like
Speaker 2: I just don't want that. I want to just like
Speaker 2: spoil my kids and show them how much I love
Speaker 2: them and just wear pajamas with Vietnam.
Speaker 1: Oh, you guys are such good moms. Do you want
Speaker 1: to adopt me. I'm just kidding.
Speaker 3: Oh, thank you. Send me your address. I'll send you
Speaker 3: Christmas present.
Speaker 1: My love language is not a gift. It's not gift giving.
Speaker 1: It's like, it's not it's what's the one where someone
Speaker 1: has to like clean up after himself? What's that called
Speaker 1: a grown man? Yeah? Right house? New Year's resident? Yeah exactly,
Speaker 1: my babysitter. That's what I need for Christmas. What are
Speaker 1: New Year's any New Year's resolutions scales?
Speaker 3: Oh, I'm not good with resolutions.
Speaker 1: I'm either I think like, actually, I need to stop shopping.
Speaker 1: I'm an addict. Hi, my name is Cheryl and I'm
Speaker 1: an addict. We know this, but now I find it
Speaker 1: therapeutic to It's Black Friday right now on Amazon. Just
Speaker 1: letting you know.
Speaker 3: I know shopping first step for the kids.
Speaker 1: It's in You should have seen it yesterday. It was
Speaker 1: box like it was it, I mean whatever, it made
Speaker 1: me feel good thought time.
Speaker 3: I think if I could just stop eating, that would
Speaker 3: be really good. Like if I could just.
Speaker 2: We don't want you to stop eating, we want you
Speaker 2: to be.
Speaker 1: And by the way, you're like a professional cook. I
Speaker 1: swear I was looking for me.
Speaker 3: I am. I said it before but I am really,
Speaker 3: really grateful that I love my job and I love
Speaker 3: what I do, and I genuinely love to cook hot pockets.
Speaker 1: You don't understand. I was raised with hot pockets, so.
Speaker 3: Like hot pockets. I love anything between a pop past eating.
Speaker 1: I love me some hot pockets. See.
Speaker 2: I can make food, but I'm not sure if it's
Speaker 2: good or not.
Speaker 3: I feel like I genuinely why don't.
Speaker 1: You taste it?
Speaker 2: Taste it? I have a windex on it. You kidding me?
Speaker 1: I bake because I'm O c D and I am
Speaker 1: to the measurement.
Speaker 2: You guys are great for me to be around. I
Speaker 2: need to be around more of you guys, you guys
Speaker 2: more because like you're good for me, are a good balance.
Speaker 2: I need more OCD. I need more, you know the
Speaker 2: nerds from Diana like, I look.
Speaker 3: Like, okay, I'll put everything's gonna be okay.
Speaker 1: Everything will be okay. And if it's not just numb
Speaker 1: through productivity.
Speaker 2: It works. Let's say I'm not a big resolution like,
Speaker 2: I'm more of a solution kind of person. Yeah, that's
Speaker 2: my thing with my kids. I'm like, okay, what's this.
Speaker 2: We know what the problem was. What's the solution That's
Speaker 2: what I tell them all the time. So we know
Speaker 2: what the problem is from last year and I'm not
Speaker 2: married and I am moving forward.
Speaker 1: Problem is that a problem?
Speaker 2: Yeah? Wait, where the solutions? It was a blessing, It
Speaker 2: was a blessing. But this year. My solution for this
Speaker 2: year is to do more things that make me genuinely happy,
Speaker 2: so that like I went beginning when we were talking
Speaker 2: about putting on my safety belt, just so that I
Speaker 2: feel happy, and so then I can express that to
Speaker 2: other people. And that's what I really really want, because
Speaker 2: then I can be more productive and maybe a better cook,
Speaker 2: maybe a kinder person, maybe a better human.
Speaker 1: Maybe you'll just love yourself more and realize, you know what,
Speaker 1: I hate cooking, So I'm not going to waste my time.
Speaker 3: Don't don't do it.
Speaker 2: I'm just gonna go over to your eyes house.
Speaker 1: You like do you start coming from you stock her
Speaker 1: Instagram like I did. She made some like amazing hot
Speaker 1: pockets with like eggs in it.
Speaker 2: Love delicious.
Speaker 1: Oh god, that sounds good. I'm just gonna be over
Speaker 1: here eating stuffing until I blow up. So thanks to
Speaker 1: my single sisterhood, this was great chatting with you both,
Speaker 1: and we want to wish all of you listening a
Speaker 1: happy Thanksgiving and holiday season. Here for you listeners during
Speaker 1: these colder months. So if you are single and want
Speaker 1: some advice, we want to hear from you. Call us
Speaker 1: one eight four four four I Do Pod eight four
Speaker 1: four four four three six seven six ' three or
Speaker 1: email us at IDO pod at iHeartRadio dot com, follow
Speaker 1: us on Instagram and TikTok at id Part two pod.
Speaker 1: All this information will be in the show notes. Make
Speaker 1: sure to rate and review this podcast I Do Part
Speaker 1: two and iHeartRadio podcast where falling in love is the
Speaker 1: main objective.