WEBVTT - Home Alone For The Holidays 0:00:11.240 --> 0:00:14.200 I Do, Part two is an innovative podcast all about 0:00:14.280 --> 0:00:17.239 finding love the second time around. But sometimes on the 0:00:17.320 --> 0:00:20.040 road to finding love the second time around, you end 0:00:20.120 --> 0:00:24.400 up staying in singles town, maybe longer than you anticipated. 0:00:24.720 --> 0:00:27.320 I'm one of your celebrity mentors, Cheryl Burke, and I'm 0:00:27.400 --> 0:00:31.640 joined today by fellow mentor Kelly ben Simone, and today 0:00:31.840 --> 0:00:35.440 we also have former star of The Bachelorette Dianas Dogliano. 0:00:35.800 --> 0:00:40.159 Welcome ladies to the podcast. How are you doing good? 0:00:40.800 --> 0:00:41.320 What's new? 0:00:41.920 --> 0:00:44.080 Just preparing for the big day? 0:00:45.040 --> 0:00:45.760 What big day? 0:00:46.400 --> 0:00:48.599 The big day of being thankful and grateful? 0:00:51.720 --> 0:00:56.040 Which one? There's a big day of gratitude, Thanksgiving? Happy Thanksgiving? 0:00:56.640 --> 0:01:03.240 Yesterday was my birthday and just a week, you know 0:01:03.280 --> 0:01:07.600 what I mean, it's just been I think, like all 0:01:07.640 --> 0:01:10.400 of the things, like I'm just reeling in, like the 0:01:10.480 --> 0:01:20.399 kids and being divorced and wanting to have companionship, but 0:01:20.640 --> 0:01:24.959 not because I don't, you know. So I think I've 0:01:25.080 --> 0:01:28.440 just like really like rode the waves of all the 0:01:28.480 --> 0:01:29.400 things this week. 0:01:30.280 --> 0:01:31.520 How long have you been single? 0:01:32.080 --> 0:01:34.240 My divorce was final this year, but I have been 0:01:34.280 --> 0:01:35.880 single for probably three years. 0:01:36.400 --> 0:01:38.399 Got it same? I'm in the same boat, except I'm 0:01:38.440 --> 0:01:41.560 definitely not looking for companionship, and I'm loving it so 0:01:41.760 --> 0:01:43.320 much with Caeryl. 0:01:43.400 --> 0:01:47.440 I'm not either. I'm not either. I think it's deeply overrated, 0:01:48.440 --> 0:01:54.000 deeply overrated. I believe that we are built for companionship, 0:01:54.080 --> 0:01:57.480 and I really want that, I think in the long run, 0:01:57.640 --> 0:02:01.960 But like today, nah nah. 0:02:02.840 --> 0:02:05.960 See, I'm ready for I'm ready to meet someone I 0:02:06.040 --> 0:02:10.040 want to. I've been going to therapy. I've been, you know, 0:02:10.120 --> 0:02:14.560 going through this whole process on the podcast. Cheryl and 0:02:14.560 --> 0:02:18.760 I have had some really great moments together with TJ 0:02:18.919 --> 0:02:22.280 and Amy and Jenna, and I've just learned so much 0:02:22.480 --> 0:02:29.120 about myself. And I'm not saying that I'm ready to 0:02:29.280 --> 0:02:33.160 get married tomorrow, but I am am I The way 0:02:33.160 --> 0:02:37.480 that I'm dealing with my life, both personally and professionally, 0:02:37.600 --> 0:02:38.000 is different. 0:02:38.040 --> 0:02:40.760 Do you actually think that you'll get married again? Because 0:02:40.840 --> 0:02:43.679 I have a hard pass for me. I don't ever 0:02:43.760 --> 0:02:44.959 want to get married again. 0:02:45.240 --> 0:02:48.440 Deanna. People want they know you obviously from the Bachelor 0:02:48.480 --> 0:02:52.360 Bachelorette franchise. What I guess, tell our listeners a little 0:02:52.360 --> 0:02:54.600 bit about your love story and your journey. 0:02:54.639 --> 0:03:00.040 I guess, yeah, Well, I went on the show, so 0:03:00.680 --> 0:03:07.680 I did the Bachelor, and I was the final one. 0:03:08.160 --> 0:03:11.640 Was I was everyone's like pick at the end, like 0:03:11.720 --> 0:03:13.880 I was the one that I choose. 0:03:13.720 --> 0:03:14.120 Of course. 0:03:14.880 --> 0:03:17.920 And then I went on to be the bachelorette and 0:03:18.240 --> 0:03:22.640 I chose someone not not so great, but I did. 0:03:24.600 --> 0:03:27.760 And then I met my ex husband through the show 0:03:27.840 --> 0:03:32.240 because his twin brother was on a different season of mine. 0:03:32.560 --> 0:03:37.320 So I met my ex husband through the show, and 0:03:38.560 --> 0:03:44.120 we were married for twelve years and wow, together for 0:03:44.280 --> 0:03:53.120 what fifteen. So I'm very careful at this point because 0:03:53.920 --> 0:03:59.200 Addison in particular is very aware and seeing can see things, 0:03:59.320 --> 0:04:03.240 and her friends know who she is, they know who 0:04:03.280 --> 0:04:06.840 she is at school, they know me, and so I 0:04:06.880 --> 0:04:10.880 try to be really careful what I share. I had you, 0:04:11.520 --> 0:04:14.600 how I share it all good. 0:04:15.040 --> 0:04:16.880 I mean, I can understand that too because when I 0:04:16.920 --> 0:04:19.240 was on I was on the Real Housewives of New 0:04:19.360 --> 0:04:23.480 York when when my kids were five and seven, so 0:04:23.480 --> 0:04:26.520 I was on two thousand and nine, ten and eleven, 0:04:27.120 --> 0:04:29.200 and so when my kids were white because we're really 0:04:29.240 --> 0:04:33.120 young as well, and you know, I didn't feel like, 0:04:33.240 --> 0:04:34.440 first of all, I didn't feel like it was a 0:04:34.480 --> 0:04:37.279 safe place for me to talk about anything. And second 0:04:37.320 --> 0:04:39.839 of all, you know, I was when I was single 0:04:40.440 --> 0:04:43.279 being single in two thousand and nine was not sexy 0:04:43.520 --> 0:04:45.440 being you know, it was like, oh my god, I 0:04:45.480 --> 0:04:47.920 cannot believe you're not married, Like what's wrong with you? 0:04:48.400 --> 0:04:51.039 The choice of like you're saying like this empowered choice 0:04:51.040 --> 0:04:52.600 of saying I don't really know if I ever want 0:04:52.640 --> 0:04:56.360 to meet someone or you know, that kind of narrative 0:04:56.520 --> 0:05:01.080 just didn't exist. And so I commend you for being 0:05:01.120 --> 0:05:05.240 such a good mom and for protecting your daughter and 0:05:05.279 --> 0:05:09.480 your your children, because it's not easy in this important environment. 0:05:09.720 --> 0:05:12.279 Had a week, I literally have had a week, and 0:05:12.360 --> 0:05:13.440 I don't want to cry. 0:05:13.160 --> 0:05:15.279 But oh no, you should cry. It's good for you, 0:05:15.520 --> 0:05:16.359 it's good for everyone. 0:05:16.920 --> 0:05:21.279 I know. I know I've cried all week. We went 0:05:21.880 --> 0:05:23.800 to dinner last night for my birthday, and I was 0:05:23.839 --> 0:05:25.720 saying to my girlfriends that I was just like. 0:05:29.960 --> 0:05:30.039 That. 0:05:30.279 --> 0:05:37.480 I just feel like I am going to great links 0:05:39.000 --> 0:05:45.719 to protect my children. You know, I don't think I 0:05:45.760 --> 0:05:48.599 always realized this when I was younger, but I'm a 0:05:48.640 --> 0:05:55.359 product of divorce and the great links that my mother 0:05:55.600 --> 0:05:59.839 went through to protect me and my brother and my sister. 0:06:02.839 --> 0:06:04.680 But I find that I'm doing the same things for 0:06:04.800 --> 0:06:11.400 my children, and man, is it freaking exhausting. It's exhausting. 0:06:12.880 --> 0:06:15.320 Yeah, I also come from a I'm a product of 0:06:15.360 --> 0:06:20.080 a divorced family as well. And I don't know if 0:06:20.080 --> 0:06:21.760 this is the reason why I don't have kids or 0:06:21.800 --> 0:06:23.520 I don't I'm not I have no interest in it, 0:06:23.560 --> 0:06:28.840 but like it's just yeah, it's but what you're doing 0:06:28.920 --> 0:06:32.240 and by being aware of what you say, because you know, 0:06:32.400 --> 0:06:36.039 kids are very observant and smarter than we think. And 0:06:36.080 --> 0:06:39.240 I remember seeing my parents fight before they divorced, and 0:06:40.360 --> 0:06:44.159 it's just not like and then also talking about each other. 0:06:44.320 --> 0:06:46.400 It's just not healthy. It's not healthy. 0:06:46.920 --> 0:06:50.599 I mean, I raise my two kids on my own, 0:06:50.760 --> 0:06:53.039 so I was a full time single parent. It was 0:06:53.040 --> 0:06:56.920 no co parenting. And you know what you're going through 0:06:57.000 --> 0:07:02.760 right now is you know natural too. I mean, those 0:07:02.800 --> 0:07:05.840 feelings are real, and you know there's a lot of 0:07:05.880 --> 0:07:11.080 stress and pressure and you know it's our job to 0:07:11.440 --> 0:07:15.280 raise amazing kids the next generation. And it's like, you know, 0:07:15.400 --> 0:07:18.600 I would die. Don't come from a divorce. Both my 0:07:18.680 --> 0:07:22.000 parents were together for our entire life, and I never 0:07:22.040 --> 0:07:24.600 thought I would get divorced. But I got divorced because 0:07:24.640 --> 0:07:28.240 I wanted something better for my children. I wanted I 0:07:28.280 --> 0:07:31.160 thought it was better for me to parent my children 0:07:31.400 --> 0:07:34.280 just myself than to be in an environment that wasn't 0:07:34.280 --> 0:07:38.200 good for them. And you know, it's not easy. And 0:07:38.360 --> 0:07:40.400 I mean, you know, I'm not trying to say don't 0:07:40.400 --> 0:07:44.240 be hard on yourself, but you know, it's okay to 0:07:44.600 --> 0:07:48.720 feel to feel that pressure because it's it's it's heavy, 0:07:48.800 --> 0:07:59.760 it's heavy. 0:08:00.000 --> 0:08:01.520 I know you don't have kids, but like, I just 0:08:01.520 --> 0:08:04.280 sat in this space this week where I just felt 0:08:04.280 --> 0:08:07.240 like deeply sorry for myself, you know, as we're talking 0:08:07.240 --> 0:08:10.080 about like dating, going into the Hall of Dame stuff, 0:08:10.120 --> 0:08:14.880 you know, and I feel like deeply alone. 0:08:14.520 --> 0:08:17.600 By choice, by choice, but not lonely, right. 0:08:20.160 --> 0:08:24.960 I feel lonely mostly because I believe that we are 0:08:25.040 --> 0:08:29.320 built for companionship and partnership. They say, yeah, they say, 0:08:29.680 --> 0:08:32.240 they say. I also just like really love my life, 0:08:32.280 --> 0:08:32.720 and I make a. 0:08:32.720 --> 0:08:35.720 Love I hear you. But holidays bring like trigger something. 0:08:35.800 --> 0:08:40.760 Obviously I can do all the things that I this 0:08:40.840 --> 0:08:43.160 week in particular, and I don't know if it's just 0:08:43.240 --> 0:08:44.640 because it's been my birthday. 0:08:44.720 --> 0:08:50.040 And and Pluto just moved into a queries just saying yeah, 0:08:50.240 --> 0:08:53.640 after nineteen years, yes, yeah. 0:08:53.360 --> 0:08:58.240 And I feel like like lonely, you know, And I 0:08:58.320 --> 0:09:02.080 know that I'm not so deeply lonely that i would 0:09:02.160 --> 0:09:09.120 choose anyone because I have options, but they they aren't 0:09:09.200 --> 0:09:12.880 like great, and I'm okay with that. And I feel, 0:09:14.600 --> 0:09:21.000 I guess, really empowered in a place that I can 0:09:21.040 --> 0:09:22.559 say no, you know what I mean. 0:09:23.120 --> 0:09:24.439 It's a complete sentence. 0:09:25.280 --> 0:09:29.880 Yeah, do you have your kids with you, Diana? Foriday? 0:09:29.920 --> 0:09:33.920 My first Thanksgiving a loved kids, and my dad is 0:09:33.960 --> 0:09:37.280 going to come out with his wife. And I'm really grateful. Yeah, 0:09:37.320 --> 0:09:44.760 I'm really really grateful. It's just really difficult a few years. 0:09:45.040 --> 0:09:49.080 And I have really wonderful friends and I have I 0:09:49.120 --> 0:09:53.160 have a really great family and surroundings, you know, for 0:09:53.360 --> 0:09:57.240 people who will just come in and be with us 0:09:57.480 --> 0:10:00.760 when we need it. So my my dad is coming 0:10:00.760 --> 0:10:05.400 in this week, and I have the kids, and so 0:10:05.480 --> 0:10:09.480 I'm just trying to create really wonderful memories for them, 0:10:10.960 --> 0:10:13.679 make them happy and make them feel loved and make 0:10:13.720 --> 0:10:14.640 them want to be here. 0:10:15.240 --> 0:10:18.360 Yeah, thank you for your vulnerability, because like, first of all, 0:10:18.400 --> 0:10:21.040 there's so many I can relate in many ways though 0:10:21.080 --> 0:10:24.200 I don't have kids. I mean, I can't say I 0:10:24.280 --> 0:10:26.800 never get lonely, Like it's literally I moved out of 0:10:26.920 --> 0:10:30.920 La to where I am with my frenchie and it's 0:10:30.960 --> 0:10:33.760 just me and my frenchie, and I don't have tons 0:10:33.840 --> 0:10:35.800 of friends in this where I live, in this town. 0:10:35.960 --> 0:10:40.000 And I also haven't really made much of an effort, 0:10:40.080 --> 0:10:42.199 like there has been a part of me that has ghosted, 0:10:42.280 --> 0:10:45.840 not just my ex husband, but like also my friend, 0:10:45.920 --> 0:10:48.320 like everything around me. I just feel is you know, 0:10:48.360 --> 0:10:51.960 we evolve and evolving until the day we die, and 0:10:52.080 --> 0:10:56.200 sometimes there is this feeling of loneliness. But I think 0:10:57.760 --> 0:10:59.840 I don't know. I like to not say it as 0:11:00.120 --> 0:11:03.920 only more like alone because of the transition that you know, 0:11:04.160 --> 0:11:07.520 people change and it's not bad nor good. It's not 0:11:07.600 --> 0:11:09.880 bad or good, Like there's no label other than the 0:11:09.960 --> 0:11:13.640 fact that I just want to give back to myself 0:11:13.679 --> 0:11:15.480 because I don't remember the last I don't think I've 0:11:15.480 --> 0:11:17.920 ever done this before where I've chosen me. 0:11:18.320 --> 0:11:21.080 You know who's first, who was first? 0:11:21.600 --> 0:11:21.800 Right? 0:11:21.960 --> 0:11:24.679 And I didn't know who was first until I actually 0:11:24.760 --> 0:11:27.920 had quiet time around me, because it's so easy to 0:11:27.960 --> 0:11:30.240 put everyone else in front of you. 0:11:31.000 --> 0:11:33.079 But they always say that you know, you're supposed to 0:11:33.080 --> 0:11:35.760 put your safety belt on first. And that's the other 0:11:35.880 --> 0:11:38.440 thing that has been really like a big lesson for 0:11:38.520 --> 0:11:42.040 me because I have always been the kind of person 0:11:42.080 --> 0:11:44.320 like whatever my kids want, whatever they want, whatever they need, 0:11:44.400 --> 0:11:47.800 Like what can I do? And when you put your 0:11:47.800 --> 0:11:52.360 safety belt on first and you protect yourself, then you 0:11:52.679 --> 0:11:56.320 are even a better protector of your children obviously what 0:11:56.360 --> 0:11:58.920 you're already doing. But it's just you know, when you're 0:11:58.920 --> 0:12:04.160 going through the birthday and kind of processing everything, it 0:12:04.200 --> 0:12:06.040 gets to be. You know, it gives me a lot. 0:12:06.120 --> 0:12:08.079 And you know, the nice thing is that you have 0:12:08.200 --> 0:12:11.400 this your friend group, which is amazing. Like I literally, 0:12:12.000 --> 0:12:17.240 I literally was so like mortified of like what I 0:12:17.280 --> 0:12:19.280 had done. Like I thought that I had like done 0:12:19.320 --> 0:12:23.360 this horrible thing by getting divorced and this like awful, 0:12:23.600 --> 0:12:25.880 you know thing that I shouldn't have done. I used 0:12:25.880 --> 0:12:29.880 to cry in my closet and you know, I just 0:12:29.880 --> 0:12:31.520 sit there on the floor because I don't want anybody 0:12:31.559 --> 0:12:31.679 to know. 0:12:32.080 --> 0:12:35.280 Kelly though, and Cheryl, maybe you feel the same. I 0:12:35.720 --> 0:12:43.599 felt so much grief and so much I was really embarrassed, 0:12:44.280 --> 0:12:44.840 so was I. 0:12:45.480 --> 0:12:48.000 Yeah, I mean I haven't dated and I've been like 0:12:48.240 --> 0:12:50.600 celibate for three years since my divorce, and I think 0:12:50.640 --> 0:12:53.480 that's all has to do with shame underneath all of it. 0:12:54.720 --> 0:12:56.959 Yeah, same for me, Same for me. I mean I 0:12:58.679 --> 0:13:01.800 think that there is this space that you just feel 0:13:01.960 --> 0:13:07.320 this deep, immense amount of pain and grief and just 0:13:07.440 --> 0:13:09.760 shame surrounding divorce. 0:13:10.120 --> 0:13:10.320 You know. 0:13:10.600 --> 0:13:13.600 I swear we were going through a divorce for a 0:13:13.720 --> 0:13:16.720 year before I ever said anything out loud because I 0:13:16.760 --> 0:13:21.720 was so embarrassed. I was so embarrassed. Yeah, and there 0:13:21.760 --> 0:13:26.400 is a cleansing piece of divorce and breakups, you know 0:13:26.440 --> 0:13:28.840 what I mean, Like you, you lose friends, and I 0:13:28.920 --> 0:13:32.520 lost really great friends and people that I thought that 0:13:32.600 --> 0:13:36.880 I really cared for. But there is a really beautiful 0:13:37.160 --> 0:13:42.040 grieving process when it comes to divorce and being single 0:13:42.320 --> 0:13:47.319 and loone and really sitting, you. 0:13:47.280 --> 0:13:50.600 Know, because the easiest thing is to numb and find 0:13:50.600 --> 0:13:53.480 somebody else quickly and find another physical body, you know, 0:13:53.640 --> 0:13:57.719 especially during like the holidays and exhibit a you go 0:13:58.000 --> 0:14:01.480 and do that, and men do that. Let's dive into 0:14:01.480 --> 0:14:05.280 the holidays. Speaking of the holidays, what's everyone's thoughts on 0:14:05.280 --> 0:14:06.480 on the holidays in general? 0:14:06.520 --> 0:14:08.320 I guess yeah that you go first. 0:14:08.720 --> 0:14:11.480 For me in particular, I'm just pouring into the kids, 0:14:11.760 --> 0:14:14.160 you know, Yeah, And I'm looking I have them their 0:14:14.360 --> 0:14:18.240 their mind, and I just I think for me, I 0:14:18.320 --> 0:14:23.840 have really gone out of my way and by healing 0:14:24.000 --> 0:14:27.640 and my therapy and everything else to make sure they're okay. 0:14:29.440 --> 0:14:35.760 I really worry about my children and what this will 0:14:35.760 --> 0:14:38.840 do to them and the damn it will cause. 0:14:39.160 --> 0:14:41.120 Are they in therapy? Do you put them in there? 0:14:41.640 --> 0:14:41.840 Yeh? 0:14:42.040 --> 0:14:44.160 I have to say, that's one thing my mother did 0:14:44.160 --> 0:14:48.080 with me, and God thank her, because it's just about 0:14:48.080 --> 0:14:50.080 putting a voice to the pain, right like, and if 0:14:50.120 --> 0:14:52.960 you can't and if you can't translate whatever you're feeling 0:14:53.040 --> 0:14:56.320 into a language, that's when it eats you up. 0:14:56.560 --> 0:14:59.680 Okay. I'm like, if they can just get to like 0:14:59.720 --> 0:15:02.440 six team, and I hope that they will look back 0:15:02.480 --> 0:15:05.080 and think, my mom went. 0:15:05.040 --> 0:15:07.720 To great lengths one hundred and that's what I think 0:15:07.720 --> 0:15:11.200 about my mother, like though the generation even though she 0:15:11.240 --> 0:15:13.840 needs to go to therapy, but she'll never because but 0:15:13.880 --> 0:15:16.040 at least she knew what to do with me. Because 0:15:16.080 --> 0:15:18.040 I have to tell you the trauma I've dealt with 0:15:18.400 --> 0:15:22.480 my stepsister who dealt with a similar story. She just 0:15:22.520 --> 0:15:25.520 died of an overdose. And it's like you literally can 0:15:25.640 --> 0:15:28.760 see like it was interesting. I mean, it's so sad 0:15:29.120 --> 0:15:31.800 and this happened a little over a year ago. But like, 0:15:31.840 --> 0:15:36.080 that's the difference between being in therapy versus not and 0:15:36.080 --> 0:15:39.640 it's like, yes, you need an outlet. 0:15:39.600 --> 0:15:42.920 And trauma affects us all. And I have said this 0:15:44.280 --> 0:15:49.440 openly across the board. When my ex husband asked to 0:15:49.560 --> 0:15:52.680 leave me, I chose to go to trauma therapy. I 0:15:52.720 --> 0:15:55.600 went three days a week for three hours a day, 0:15:55.680 --> 0:15:59.480 and it was literally the best decision that I ever 0:16:00.400 --> 0:16:04.120 ever could have done for myself, you know, and with 0:16:04.320 --> 0:16:06.080 that an example for my children. 0:16:06.360 --> 0:16:19.760 Absolutely. Well, let's talk about since this is a holidays episode, 0:16:20.240 --> 0:16:24.800 we're going to talk about my first year I guess 0:16:24.880 --> 0:16:27.480 of the holidays without my ex husband. I stayed busy 0:16:27.520 --> 0:16:29.760 because my new I'm sober for six years, but my 0:16:29.880 --> 0:16:36.040 new drug of choice is now productivity. So I numbed 0:16:36.560 --> 0:16:38.920 through making sure everyone came to my house so that 0:16:38.960 --> 0:16:41.160 I had to decorate, I had to cook, I had 0:16:41.200 --> 0:16:43.000 to do I had. My to do list was so 0:16:43.320 --> 0:16:47.560 freakin packed, jam packed that I didn't even think about 0:16:48.400 --> 0:16:51.280 the sadness. Now, is that the solution? Hell no, it's 0:16:51.280 --> 0:16:53.960 not the solution. I'm just running away from my problems. 0:16:54.560 --> 0:16:58.120 But now I have no plans as far as I'm 0:16:58.160 --> 0:17:00.760 not cooking I'm not cleaning. I'm going to meet my 0:17:00.880 --> 0:17:04.520 family at my sister's in laws or her in law's 0:17:04.520 --> 0:17:07.159 two bee's house, so that should be interesting. But at 0:17:07.280 --> 0:17:09.240 least it's driving distance, so I can always get in 0:17:09.240 --> 0:17:10.639 the car and go if I need to. 0:17:12.400 --> 0:17:16.080 Does that feel good for you? What to go and 0:17:16.080 --> 0:17:17.120 spend time with them. 0:17:17.240 --> 0:17:19.040 I don't know. I've never done it before, so it's 0:17:19.080 --> 0:17:21.439 a little bit scary for me, to be quite honest. 0:17:21.480 --> 0:17:24.200 And like I said, it's in Newport and where I live, 0:17:24.240 --> 0:17:26.600 it's about a couple hours away. But I can always 0:17:26.800 --> 0:17:28.320 get in the car and come back home if I 0:17:28.400 --> 0:17:31.720 need to. It's gonna be interesting because it's just, yeah, 0:17:31.720 --> 0:17:34.280 you're right, like, I've never really I don't even know 0:17:34.320 --> 0:17:37.240 who her in laws are personally. 0:17:37.400 --> 0:17:45.119 Struggle with that. I love love to my core. My 0:17:45.240 --> 0:17:50.320 ex husband's family, Oh yeah, I do. I really love them. 0:17:50.720 --> 0:17:55.520 I love my father in law. There has been some 0:17:55.600 --> 0:17:59.400 trauma within the family, and so that makes it really hard. 0:17:59.480 --> 0:18:02.920 So I think, you know, the whole piece of switching 0:18:02.960 --> 0:18:10.560 holidays and yeah, doing all of the things, it's there's 0:18:10.640 --> 0:18:13.040 also a piece of just like grief, do you know, 0:18:13.080 --> 0:18:18.880 of course, the family, not just my ex husband. There 0:18:18.960 --> 0:18:23.280 is grief in the family, like grieving my mother in law, 0:18:23.320 --> 0:18:28.240 who I just like literally love love at my core 0:18:28.320 --> 0:18:32.359 and she is salt of the earth, wonderful human being. 0:18:32.480 --> 0:18:34.560 I love that that at least you still feel like 0:18:34.600 --> 0:18:35.640 that after Do. 0:18:35.600 --> 0:18:37.439 You have any connection with her still or no? 0:18:38.119 --> 0:18:42.040 I do, Kelly. I think that we're just figuring it out. 0:18:42.520 --> 0:18:42.720 You know. 0:18:43.000 --> 0:18:47.000 I think that it's hard for her because it's her son, right, 0:18:47.720 --> 0:18:49.240 and I think at the end of the day, I 0:18:49.280 --> 0:18:52.240 have a lot of grace for the fact that she 0:18:52.520 --> 0:18:55.840 can't separate the two. Do you know what I mean? 0:18:56.160 --> 0:18:56.880 It's her son. 0:18:57.440 --> 0:18:59.359 Has he moved on? Has he is he dating? 0:18:59.680 --> 0:19:01.480 Do you know you're he's got a girlfriend? 0:19:01.520 --> 0:19:09.320 For Okay, Kelly, are you you were saying that you're 0:19:09.359 --> 0:19:09.919 still single? 0:19:09.960 --> 0:19:13.639 I am so single. I have chosen to do like 0:19:13.720 --> 0:19:17.439 dive into myself and do it. And he rushed into 0:19:17.640 --> 0:19:20.080 another relationship, which is there's also. 0:19:20.040 --> 0:19:22.600 That's the easiest, that's the easiest way to go, by 0:19:22.640 --> 0:19:27.400 the way it is, Kelly, say more, Kelly, come on, girl. 0:19:28.000 --> 0:19:31.639 Cheryl's like, I love Cheryl's celibate, She's sober, she's amazing, 0:19:31.760 --> 0:19:34.119 and I am I was like a complete train wreck, 0:19:34.440 --> 0:19:36.080 like until I started this podcast. 0:19:36.240 --> 0:19:38.880 Stop it. If you were to ask me why I'm 0:19:38.960 --> 0:19:41.639 choosing this path, that's a whole nother podcast. 0:19:41.680 --> 0:19:43.960 Okay, well I want to hear more about that. 0:19:44.280 --> 0:19:46.720 No, tell us your story for the holidays. 0:19:46.960 --> 0:19:50.840 You know, since I my ex husband is French and 0:19:50.960 --> 0:19:55.120 a lot older than I am, we spend a lot 0:19:55.160 --> 0:19:59.360 of time with my family. So I'm just so grateful 0:19:59.440 --> 0:20:01.400 to have been able to spend time with my twin 0:20:01.440 --> 0:20:05.560 brother and my sister and our family and my kids 0:20:06.040 --> 0:20:08.879 and their children, like always had like a really nice 0:20:08.920 --> 0:20:13.879 time together. Going by myself on a train or in 0:20:13.920 --> 0:20:16.200 a car or on a plane with my two kids. 0:20:16.400 --> 0:20:20.800 Always traveling alone was something that you know, I used 0:20:20.800 --> 0:20:23.919 to dread so much, and it was always like, you know, 0:20:24.119 --> 0:20:26.359 the kids, and then there's Kelly, and like, who's Kelly's 0:20:26.359 --> 0:20:28.520 going to sit next to because she's by herself. And 0:20:28.600 --> 0:20:32.879 I mean, obviously my family's beautiful to me, but I 0:20:32.880 --> 0:20:36.080 don't think that they ever knew that that would affect me, 0:20:36.240 --> 0:20:38.280 But it was always you know, where am I going 0:20:38.359 --> 0:20:39.800 to sit or who am I going to sit next to? 0:20:40.400 --> 0:20:44.359 Are you starting new traditions? Like now that you have 0:20:44.480 --> 0:20:48.399 this space of being your own and your your most 0:20:48.400 --> 0:20:51.440 powerful self. Are you starting new traditions with the kids. 0:20:51.480 --> 0:20:54.440 Well, so my but both of unfortunately both my parents 0:20:54.920 --> 0:20:58.840 are now deceased, and so I've been spending a lot 0:20:58.880 --> 0:21:02.000 of time, you know, continue to spend time with with 0:21:02.040 --> 0:21:04.560 my twin brother. This year, we're going to be with 0:21:05.000 --> 0:21:07.320 some family friends, which is really nice. But we were 0:21:07.359 --> 0:21:10.240 going to originally just be together, just the three of us. 0:21:10.920 --> 0:21:17.000 And it was very like strange how last year we 0:21:17.080 --> 0:21:19.520 had spent time with a man that I was going 0:21:19.600 --> 0:21:22.640 to be getting married to with his family. 0:21:23.080 --> 0:21:26.680 No, Daryl, tell her, don't ever do it again. 0:21:28.000 --> 0:21:31.560 So ever, Kelly, it was a godsend that it didn't happen. 0:21:31.640 --> 0:21:32.840 I'll just say that I. 0:21:32.760 --> 0:21:35.600 Was gonna see me on the street she met Kelly. No, Kelly, 0:21:35.680 --> 0:21:36.520 no bat see. 0:21:36.560 --> 0:21:36.880 I don't. 0:21:37.119 --> 0:21:40.000 I don't. The whole marriage concept is like it is 0:21:40.000 --> 0:21:42.520 what it is like. Look, I just don't think there's 0:21:42.560 --> 0:21:47.120 a rush. I think it's overrated. I'm decigned a contract. 0:21:46.680 --> 0:21:50.680 To get married, but I would like to have I've 0:21:50.840 --> 0:21:55.920 always wanted to have the life and the the relationship 0:21:55.960 --> 0:21:58.960 that I saw with my parents. I've always wanted that. 0:21:59.040 --> 0:22:03.000 I've always looked up to that and not like it's 0:22:03.040 --> 0:22:05.720 some like Disney movie. But I mean I literally like 0:22:05.880 --> 0:22:10.200 that's what. That's how I see myself throughout the next 0:22:10.280 --> 0:22:12.680 chapter of my life with a partner. 0:22:12.880 --> 0:22:15.040 Are you putting a lot of pressure on yourself, because 0:22:15.040 --> 0:22:17.439 I believe it's generational too, don't you think like in 0:22:17.480 --> 0:22:19.959 a way back then, maybe it's like there was no 0:22:20.200 --> 0:22:23.679 talk of divorce. I would assume Listen, I'm just going. 0:22:23.560 --> 0:22:25.879 Through this process. I just started this podcast, so I 0:22:25.920 --> 0:22:28.320 am like, you guys are like way beyond me. I'm 0:22:28.480 --> 0:22:31.600 still like, I'm still in like the guppy stage. So 0:22:31.640 --> 0:22:33.520 you guys have to give me a break because I 0:22:33.680 --> 0:22:36.960 literally just my first like one person podcast where I 0:22:37.000 --> 0:22:40.080 literally was crying and I couldn't even get the words out. 0:22:40.200 --> 0:22:45.399 I think I'm with Cheryl. I feel like I was like, 0:22:45.440 --> 0:22:53.520 I'm sure I value companionship, I value partnerships, I value commitment, 0:22:54.000 --> 0:22:57.359 all of those things I know longer now that I've 0:22:57.400 --> 0:23:01.000 already done it, I don't need to coke goal my money. 0:23:02.640 --> 0:23:07.399 My god, no, that is a hard lin know we 0:23:07.520 --> 0:23:11.560 are two individuals. Oh yeah, I literally called off my 0:23:11.560 --> 0:23:14.239 I called off my engagement because I was like, if 0:23:14.280 --> 0:23:16.680 you're not going to sign this prenup, there's no had 0:23:16.720 --> 0:23:20.320 a girl, no prenup, no me, no, no no co mingling, 0:23:20.400 --> 0:23:20.800 no no nor. 0:23:21.520 --> 0:23:25.600 Mama works hard and mama pays for her own place, 0:23:25.920 --> 0:23:28.040 and I pay for my own groceries and my own 0:23:28.040 --> 0:23:31.800 car and my own house children, And I don't need that. 0:23:32.400 --> 0:23:35.919 Correct love for someone to walk along beside me, I 0:23:35.960 --> 0:23:39.399 would like that, but a contract that binds it. 0:23:39.680 --> 0:23:42.159 We're not one just because we're together, does it not 0:23:42.280 --> 0:23:45.520 mean like it does two separate people, two separate lives, 0:23:45.520 --> 0:23:46.840