WEBVTT - How Flirting Works

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<v Speaker 1>Brought to you by the reinvented two thousand twelve camera.

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<v Speaker 1>It's ready. Are you welcome to Stuff you should know

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<v Speaker 1>from house Stuffworks dot Com. Hi, I'm welcome to the podcast.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm Josh, I'm Chuck. Yeah. Hey, Chuck, Studio one, Ay,

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<v Speaker 1>deep within the bowels corporate quarters, That's where we are, Chuck,

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<v Speaker 1>I have a question for you, shooting. Is that a

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<v Speaker 1>bottle of Windex in your pants? It is not. It's

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<v Speaker 1>funny because I can see myself in him. Really, I

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<v Speaker 1>have no idea where this is going. Actually, I just

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<v Speaker 1>wanted to demonstrate an example of flirting. That's flirting. It

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<v Speaker 1>is a really overt, crude, crass, and and probably completely

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<v Speaker 1>counterproductive form of flirting. But yes, that was flirting. I

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<v Speaker 1>don't know if that counts. Actually, that was just a

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<v Speaker 1>come online. I don't know if that counts as flirting.

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<v Speaker 1>To be honest, Well, I could have just as easily said, Chuck,

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<v Speaker 1>have you seen the latest issue of National Geographic. Believe

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<v Speaker 1>it or not, there's a leopard on the cover. That

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<v Speaker 1>is not flirting at all. I chose to direct a

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<v Speaker 1>sentence to try to get you into bed, just now, expressly, expressly,

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<v Speaker 1>actually blushing as a result of flirting. Right, We'll get

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<v Speaker 1>into that later. And I've got some very startling facts

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<v Speaker 1>about blushing and other things like that. It's gonna be

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<v Speaker 1>so we're talking about flirting today, chuck. Um. From what

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<v Speaker 1>I understand, flirting is technically considered a language, especially by

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<v Speaker 1>evolutionary psychologists, UM, behavioral psychologists, anthropologists. Basically anybody with an

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<v Speaker 1>ist end, just especially UM, considers it. It's a type

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<v Speaker 1>of language. It's body language, but it's language nonetheless, and uh,

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<v Speaker 1>it's it's been pretty important to our survival as a species. Basically,

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<v Speaker 1>what flirting is other you know, it's it's me giving

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<v Speaker 1>you a bad pickup line or rubbing your knee as

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<v Speaker 1>I am right now, Um, it's it's yeah. Okay, did

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<v Speaker 1>you think it was Jerry, our producer? No, I thought

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<v Speaker 1>we had a troll under the table here. That was me?

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<v Speaker 1>What did you think I felt? Nice? Okay? So, Um,

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<v Speaker 1>whether it's rubbing your knee or trying to pick you

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<v Speaker 1>up with with a bad line, Um, basically, what I'm

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<v Speaker 1>doing is I'm sizing you up and letting you size

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<v Speaker 1>me up to figure out how well we could reproduce

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<v Speaker 1>in a sense, and the reason it's so important for

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<v Speaker 1>you know, the evolution of the human race and actually

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<v Speaker 1>just about every other animal race out there or species

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<v Speaker 1>out there is um it. We can figure out whether

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<v Speaker 1>or not the reproduction a work before actually having sex.

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<v Speaker 1>So essentially, without flirting, either nothing would happen ever, right,

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<v Speaker 1>or everything would happen all the time, and there'd be

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<v Speaker 1>six trillion people on the planet which would wobble sickening,

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<v Speaker 1>lee under the weight pretty much. Yeah, so we would

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<v Speaker 1>have died out or there'll just be too many of us.

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<v Speaker 1>Any other way we'd be screwed. So flirting is a

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<v Speaker 1>way of kind of leading up to the sex part

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<v Speaker 1>and keeping us from jumping in bed with every single

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<v Speaker 1>person to see if it works. Well, thank god for that, agreed. Agreed,

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<v Speaker 1>flirting is kind of fun, isn't it. It's world class flirt,

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<v Speaker 1>are you really? Yeah? Sure, you always rein it in

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<v Speaker 1>when I'm around. Well, you know, you never let that

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<v Speaker 1>light shine on the josh on the Josh. I like that. Uh,

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<v Speaker 1>you want to talk a little bit about some of

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<v Speaker 1>the flirting signs, like some some of the physical kids. Uh,

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<v Speaker 1>using your name a lot in a conversation, which I

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<v Speaker 1>didn't realize that that's how I did really. Yeah, and

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<v Speaker 1>it's actually kind of off putting if it's not done

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<v Speaker 1>very deftly. I can see that. Yeah. Uh, complimenting the

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<v Speaker 1>the other person, that obvious one asking about interest. Um

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<v Speaker 1>to ching an arm or knee, that's a big one.

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<v Speaker 1>That's huge. Someone told me early on a female friend

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<v Speaker 1>of mine that when a girl's talking to you and

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<v Speaker 1>she like grabbed your arm or shoulder or something, that

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<v Speaker 1>is a sign of all signs. Yeah. My my sister

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<v Speaker 1>when I was younger, told me that if a girl

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<v Speaker 1>ever looks at you more than once and you're not

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<v Speaker 1>dressed like a total freak, she's interested, right, Like, if

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<v Speaker 1>you don't have she's she's open to checking you out. Yeah, uh,

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<v Speaker 1>and got any We're idiots. Men are idiots, so we

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<v Speaker 1>we need the females to tell us these things along

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<v Speaker 1>the way. Otherwise I just think, why does that girl

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<v Speaker 1>keep touching me on the arm. Well, and we'll get

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<v Speaker 1>to this again in a second. To um, it's not

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<v Speaker 1>entirely our fault. Well, we'll talk about protean um proteum behavior,

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<v Speaker 1>all right, Well, we need to get that quick then,

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<v Speaker 1>because that's interesting. Um. Another one, though, is leaning in

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<v Speaker 1>close to someone obviously physical proximity. Uh, and smiling the

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<v Speaker 1>old classic smile, which which you know can be taken

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<v Speaker 1>one way or another. Okay, so um, let me talk

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<v Speaker 1>about that proteum behavior, right. Uh. Basically, what that is

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<v Speaker 1>is it's a it's a form of flirting that most

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<v Speaker 1>women do where it's just on the threshold between normal

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<v Speaker 1>behavior and flirting, right, and it gives a woman plausible

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<v Speaker 1>deniability in case her her advances are rejected or she

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<v Speaker 1>doesn't get the response she wants, right, or in case

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<v Speaker 1>the guy turns out to be a big dope kind

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<v Speaker 1>of Yeah, but it's it's confused protective thing, um, like

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<v Speaker 1>to protect themselves. I took it actually like yeah, they're

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<v Speaker 1>they're protecting themselves, like if they're rejected, right, if the

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<v Speaker 1>guy doesn't go, hey, put yourself exactly, she can you know,

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<v Speaker 1>easily rein it back in and you know, but if

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<v Speaker 1>if you aren't picking up on this quite right, if

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<v Speaker 1>you're not aware of these protean gestures um, which is

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<v Speaker 1>actually it's name for um Proteus, the Greek mythological figure

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<v Speaker 1>who could shape shift very appropriately makes sense. Um, it's

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<v Speaker 1>very confusing, and I concern myself fairly smooth dude. But

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<v Speaker 1>I'm confused by this and uh, actually, after I figured

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<v Speaker 1>out that there is such things protein gestures, it, um,

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<v Speaker 1>it supported my general theory that women suck. Wow, it

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<v Speaker 1>was a it was a big eye opening experience. Well,

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<v Speaker 1>I know, men's flirtations are much more aggressive and over

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<v Speaker 1>over exactly women do things like flip their hair or

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<v Speaker 1>it says actually in the article, bat their eyelashes. It

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<v Speaker 1>seems slightly dated to me, to be honest, but coquettish. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>I guess they still do that, though, do they? I

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<v Speaker 1>haven't seen it in years, so I have no idea

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<v Speaker 1>to keep an eye out for it. But yeah, men

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<v Speaker 1>men intense eye contact and aggressive gesturing. They're a little

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<v Speaker 1>more intense with their flirting. Yes, that is true, not

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<v Speaker 1>to protein. Now, what's what's interesting about flirting is that

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<v Speaker 1>it's such an animalistic behavior. Number one. Um, it's it's

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<v Speaker 1>emotional behavior. It's not rational, right, we don't walk up

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<v Speaker 1>to one another and say I'd like to have sex

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<v Speaker 1>with you. Shall we have sex? It's it's all very

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<v Speaker 1>it's it's it's it's very again smooth, uh if done right?

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<v Speaker 1>If not, it's painfully clumsy either way. It's it's it's

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<v Speaker 1>driven by desire, which is an emotion. And guess who

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<v Speaker 1>guess who makes an appearance Our old friend Darwin. No,

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<v Speaker 1>I mean he's always in the back drop somewhere. No,

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<v Speaker 1>not cosh Kari, the fight or flight response, the sympathetic

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<v Speaker 1>nervous system everything. Um. So basically, this very primeval part

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<v Speaker 1>of the brain takes over when you see a woman

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<v Speaker 1>or a man that you would like to have sex

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<v Speaker 1>with the limbic system yes, yes, yeah, which controls the

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<v Speaker 1>sympathetic nervous system. Um. So you see somebody you're turned on,

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<v Speaker 1>and you you engage in this flirtatious behavior, but you're

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<v Speaker 1>you're not thinking I'm going to um, you know, puff

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<v Speaker 1>my chest out, but you do anyway. Or women don't,

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<v Speaker 1>you know, kind of swivel their hips a little bit

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<v Speaker 1>to to let the guy see you know that they're

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<v Speaker 1>they're of a proper race show too from waste a hip. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>let's talk about that. Just pretty pretty interesting, isn't it. Yeah.

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<v Speaker 1>It's apparently women will draw attention to their pelvis because

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<v Speaker 1>it um indicates whether or not they can carry a child.

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<v Speaker 1>And additionally, UM, men are attracted to women with that

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<v Speaker 1>ratio the hip to ract hip to waste ratio, the

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<v Speaker 1>waste must be no more than sixty of the hip circumference. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>you want to know what's what's uncanny. What they've done

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<v Speaker 1>studies on women with those kind of ratios, and they

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<v Speaker 1>found that the women who fall into that that actually

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<v Speaker 1>seventy the ones who fall right in the middle are

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<v Speaker 1>the most fertile. Really. Yeah, so there's actually a basis

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<v Speaker 1>in it. So when when you see like a curvaceous woman,

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<v Speaker 1>you're turned on by her, you're basically responding to you know,

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<v Speaker 1>eons of collective memory of experience of you know, that's

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<v Speaker 1>on the cellular level. It's an evolution. Baby, it is baby,

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<v Speaker 1>and it's real straw. You're absolutely right, pretty cool. So

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<v Speaker 1>we know all this because people actually study it, and

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<v Speaker 1>there's a guy. All of this studying started, um in

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<v Speaker 1>the seventies. I think real serious study of flirting started

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<v Speaker 1>in the seventies. There was a guy and um, as

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<v Speaker 1>per usual, I'm going to butcher this person's name, Ranius

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<v Speaker 1>ebel Ibs felt it sounds good to me, thank you,

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<v Speaker 1>um and Raneus. It was a I don't actually know.

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<v Speaker 1>I imagine maybe some sort of psychologists as sociologist possibly.

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<v Speaker 1>He came up with his own little camera that took

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<v Speaker 1>a picture in a different direction. He was pointing it

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<v Speaker 1>so he could get candid photos of people. And he

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<v Speaker 1>trained this uh super cool uh camera on couples around

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<v Speaker 1>the world who were engaged in in flirting without pointing

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<v Speaker 1>the camera and then right, okay, so they didn't think

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<v Speaker 1>they were being photographed, and they were. They weren't paying

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<v Speaker 1>any attention to him. Um. And he started comparing these

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<v Speaker 1>photos and he found a pattern. Actually um and women

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<v Speaker 1>generally tend to extend their necks, which is actually very

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<v Speaker 1>comparable to um female wolves in the wild that will

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<v Speaker 1>turn over and submit to men. It's a it's a

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<v Speaker 1>it's an active submission. UM. Men tend to puff out

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<v Speaker 1>their chests and all of this together, it's very animalistic

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<v Speaker 1>and it's stomach in the Actually, if you think about it,

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<v Speaker 1>sucking in your stomachs and you you want to puff

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<v Speaker 1>out your chest, do you want your your your your

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<v Speaker 1>chin to go up and appear broader. One of the

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<v Speaker 1>things you're showing a woman as a man is that

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<v Speaker 1>you are well number one, your virile and actually bilateral symmetry,

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<v Speaker 1>your face being even on both sides is a real

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<v Speaker 1>sign of developmental health. So good genes right there. That

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<v Speaker 1>one's very interesting, Yeah, it is. It's it's kind of

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<v Speaker 1>off putting. A symmetry is a little off putting if

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<v Speaker 1>you really think about it. Um, And so you've got that,

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<v Speaker 1>you've got symmetry. UM, so that's actual reproductive health. You have, um,

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<v Speaker 1>like a prominent jaw that's developed by testosterone, so you

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<v Speaker 1>have reproductive ability. And then if you're a big guy,

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<v Speaker 1>wide shoulders, you know, big chest, you can puff out.

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<v Speaker 1>You're showing that you can actually protect the young that

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<v Speaker 1>you're about to um create with this this woman you're

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<v Speaker 1>gonna get it on with, which Yeah, so that was

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<v Speaker 1>the original study. This guy found that, um, that this

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<v Speaker 1>is universal, right, and then it started to really kind

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<v Speaker 1>of take off. And actually most of the actual studies

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<v Speaker 1>of um flirting and and flirtations behavior have been conducted

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<v Speaker 1>in like lounges. Like one landmark study was conducted in

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<v Speaker 1>the in the bar of a Hyatt hotel. And after

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<v Speaker 1>you know, after studying I don't know, probably for several

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<v Speaker 1>days not weeks, um, the researchers got so good at

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<v Speaker 1>it that they could predict just on body language alone,

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<v Speaker 1>who is going to go upstairs to while Yeah, yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>they we've got flirting down pat. Unfortunately, you know, most

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<v Speaker 1>of us don't have flirting down pat like researchers may

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<v Speaker 1>understand it, but it's still just kind of this vague, um,

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<v Speaker 1>often uneasy kind of thing. Right, there's no formula, No,

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<v Speaker 1>there definitely isn't. It would probably be kind of depressing

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<v Speaker 1>if there was a formula. And obviously there is a

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<v Speaker 1>universal physical gestures, but apparently we have, um different cultures

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<v Speaker 1>have layered on their own interpretations of these gestures. Right,

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<v Speaker 1>that makes sense. Did you read that Germans and Americans

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<v Speaker 1>famously tend to get their wires crossed when flirting? Really? Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>what does that mean? German women find American men too

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<v Speaker 1>forward when they flirt, and apparently German men, uh just

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<v Speaker 1>get all sorts of confused when American women are just

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<v Speaker 1>talking to them, they assume they're they're being flirted with. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>I can see that, probably because of the same reason

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<v Speaker 1>American women are, I think, are a little more forward

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<v Speaker 1>than German women. Right, So I've got another study if

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<v Speaker 1>we if we have time. This was not in a bar. Uh,

0:13:07.920 --> 0:13:11.160
<v Speaker 1>this was a few years ago at Tulane University, and

0:13:11.240 --> 0:13:14.959
<v Speaker 1>they uh researched a little bit about how flirting affected

0:13:14.960 --> 0:13:17.720
<v Speaker 1>women in the workplace and their careers. And it was

0:13:17.720 --> 0:13:20.720
<v Speaker 1>a small sample, only a hundred sixty four women, but

0:13:20.920 --> 0:13:25.320
<v Speaker 1>fairly valid um of these women said they used various

0:13:25.320 --> 0:13:29.000
<v Speaker 1>forms of flirting as a tool to get ahead at work.

0:13:29.080 --> 0:13:33.439
<v Speaker 1>And fort said they have never flirted for such purposes.

0:13:33.600 --> 0:13:36.160
<v Speaker 1>And the women interested, what do you think, I haven't

0:13:36.160 --> 0:13:39.840
<v Speaker 1>even told you this. What's what's the call flirting gets

0:13:39.840 --> 0:13:43.920
<v Speaker 1>you ahead? Or now I would see you? Nope. Really,

0:13:44.320 --> 0:13:46.520
<v Speaker 1>what they found was that the women who did not

0:13:46.559 --> 0:13:49.560
<v Speaker 1>flirt earned seventy five two hundred thousand dollars per year,

0:13:49.920 --> 0:13:52.760
<v Speaker 1>while women who did flirt average fifty thousand and seventy

0:13:52.760 --> 0:13:55.640
<v Speaker 1>five thousand. And if you did not flirt, you also

0:13:55.640 --> 0:13:59.400
<v Speaker 1>were promoted three times as many times. And basically they're

0:13:59.760 --> 0:14:03.920
<v Speaker 1>they're takeaway was that sexuality is a short term power source.

0:14:05.040 --> 0:14:07.560
<v Speaker 1>It does it kind of cheapen You're cheapen the value

0:14:07.600 --> 0:14:11.400
<v Speaker 1>of your personality to the That's what I could assume

0:14:11.480 --> 0:14:13.839
<v Speaker 1>that maybe a man would not take a woman as

0:14:13.840 --> 0:14:16.319
<v Speaker 1>seriously if he realized that she was flirting to try

0:14:16.360 --> 0:14:18.520
<v Speaker 1>and get ahead. I know I wouldn't. Yeah, no, that

0:14:18.600 --> 0:14:21.080
<v Speaker 1>makes sense. Yeah, it's nice one, Chuck. Thank you, way

0:14:21.120 --> 0:14:24.200
<v Speaker 1>to pull that one up for the bowels of tulane. Yeah,

0:14:24.480 --> 0:14:28.720
<v Speaker 1>so well that's flirting. Hopefully it helps a little bit

0:14:28.720 --> 0:14:32.040
<v Speaker 1>here there for all of you awkward, single, gangly young

0:14:32.040 --> 0:14:34.520
<v Speaker 1>men out there who have trouble getting dates. Just um,

0:14:34.840 --> 0:14:38.280
<v Speaker 1>make him laugh. Yeah, that's really Ultimately, you know, throw

0:14:38.360 --> 0:14:41.760
<v Speaker 1>symmetry out the window. If you're not very virile whatever,

0:14:42.360 --> 0:14:45.960
<v Speaker 1>there's pills out there and in both Chucks. In my opinion,

0:14:46.000 --> 0:14:48.240
<v Speaker 1>it comes down to if you can make a woman laugh,

0:14:48.560 --> 0:14:51.480
<v Speaker 1>she'll be yours forever. If you're not funny, then we

0:14:51.520 --> 0:14:54.480
<v Speaker 1>have no advice for you whatsoever. You better be handsome. Yeah,

0:14:54.520 --> 0:14:56.720
<v Speaker 1>that's all I gotta say. I guess you know, Chuck,

0:14:56.760 --> 0:15:00.200
<v Speaker 1>it's probably time for their advice for us, right, which

0:15:00.200 --> 0:15:06.080
<v Speaker 1>would be listener mail. Okay, Josh, This listener mail isn't

0:15:06.120 --> 0:15:12.440
<v Speaker 1>so much advice, but it's some fan mail from yeah,

0:15:12.440 --> 0:15:15.760
<v Speaker 1>from someone named cos uh and I'm gonna butcher this name.

0:15:15.960 --> 0:15:20.360
<v Speaker 1>K A S. Cause bochtll b A c h t

0:15:20.520 --> 0:15:26.560
<v Speaker 1>A L from Ashland, Wisconsin. Nice Wisconsin person. Uh, so, Hi,

0:15:26.600 --> 0:15:28.560
<v Speaker 1>I've been listening to your podcasts and join them greatly.

0:15:28.680 --> 0:15:30.480
<v Speaker 1>Always a good way to get your thing right on

0:15:30.520 --> 0:15:32.680
<v Speaker 1>the air, by the way, starting off that way. And

0:15:32.720 --> 0:15:34.880
<v Speaker 1>this is on the podcast we did on guerrilla gardening,

0:15:34.880 --> 0:15:38.520
<v Speaker 1>which is when people take over public spaces and plant

0:15:38.520 --> 0:15:41.560
<v Speaker 1>flowers and things. And at one point in the podcast

0:15:41.600 --> 0:15:44.040
<v Speaker 1>we talked about how we can't imagine that someone would

0:15:44.080 --> 0:15:49.560
<v Speaker 1>not want anyone to do this. Yeah, let's play look club. Yeah,

0:15:49.600 --> 0:15:51.960
<v Speaker 1>you know, I'd like to pick someone's brain who's really

0:15:52.000 --> 0:15:54.640
<v Speaker 1>against this? Yeah. I want to meet the person who

0:15:54.760 --> 0:15:58.280
<v Speaker 1>sees what's going on and goes home and it's just, yeah,

0:15:58.440 --> 0:16:01.480
<v Speaker 1>dare they plant those flowers right there? I'm just I'm curious,

0:16:01.520 --> 0:16:03.960
<v Speaker 1>what's what's happening there? Yeah? And I don't think I

0:16:03.960 --> 0:16:05.640
<v Speaker 1>could explain it. But I know for a fact I've

0:16:05.680 --> 0:16:09.880
<v Speaker 1>met people like that before. It's always a little unsettling. Uh.

0:16:09.920 --> 0:16:11.720
<v Speaker 1>So this person writes in and says, I can think

0:16:11.760 --> 0:16:15.320
<v Speaker 1>of one possible situation where a perfectly sensible property owner

0:16:15.400 --> 0:16:18.120
<v Speaker 1>might object to groule of gardening. Uh. In some areas

0:16:18.160 --> 0:16:20.880
<v Speaker 1>of person can lose some rights pertaining to their own

0:16:20.920 --> 0:16:23.400
<v Speaker 1>land if someone else can show a pattern of long

0:16:23.520 --> 0:16:27.680
<v Speaker 1>term benefit from trespassing. So uh, they're thinking of people

0:16:27.760 --> 0:16:30.440
<v Speaker 1>parking or walking on other folks land for twenty years.

0:16:30.760 --> 0:16:33.040
<v Speaker 1>Then the owner comes and they're unable to get rid

0:16:33.080 --> 0:16:36.360
<v Speaker 1>of these people without any legal recourse. So the only

0:16:36.360 --> 0:16:39.320
<v Speaker 1>way to have to prevent this in some cases is

0:16:39.360 --> 0:16:42.720
<v Speaker 1>to keep people from establishing that long term usage benefit

0:16:42.720 --> 0:16:46.400
<v Speaker 1>in the first place, i e. Planning flowers and making it,

0:16:46.800 --> 0:16:48.800
<v Speaker 1>you know, a more attractive place to hang out. That

0:16:48.960 --> 0:16:52.280
<v Speaker 1>is an excellent, excellent point. I hadn't thought of. Um,

0:16:52.360 --> 0:16:56.200
<v Speaker 1>that's squatting essentially, And uh, that's that's a great point.

0:16:56.320 --> 0:16:58.200
<v Speaker 1>As a matter of fact. For that great point, don't

0:16:58.200 --> 0:17:00.640
<v Speaker 1>you think God should get a T shirt? Uh? If

0:17:00.680 --> 0:17:02.400
<v Speaker 1>if we can get costs of T shirt, I think

0:17:02.440 --> 0:17:04.240
<v Speaker 1>we should. We'll see we can do costs if you

0:17:04.280 --> 0:17:08.000
<v Speaker 1>want to send us your your address and we will

0:17:08.000 --> 0:17:09.440
<v Speaker 1>see if we can get a how stuff Works t

0:17:09.600 --> 0:17:12.240
<v Speaker 1>V T shirt out and shirt size? Yeah, shirt size?

0:17:12.280 --> 0:17:15.080
<v Speaker 1>Good one't chuck? All right? Cool? Well, thanks for listening.

0:17:15.080 --> 0:17:18.520
<v Speaker 1>Anybody else who has any comments, any mail, any anything,

0:17:18.640 --> 0:17:20.439
<v Speaker 1>you want to drop us a line. Send it to

0:17:20.680 --> 0:17:27.640
<v Speaker 1>stuff podcast at how stuff works dot com for more

0:17:27.680 --> 0:17:30.000
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0:17:30.040 --> 0:17:35.359
<v Speaker 1>stuff works dot Com brought to you by the reinvented

0:17:35.400 --> 0:17:38.120
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