WEBVTT - Divorce Court

0:00:12.680 --> 0:00:15.320
<v Speaker 1>Welcome back to I Do Part two. I'm one of

0:00:15.320 --> 0:00:18.560
<v Speaker 1>your celebrity mentors, Cheryl Burke, and today I'm joined by

0:00:18.640 --> 0:00:22.040
<v Speaker 1>a powerhouse of women for a conversation on a topic

0:00:22.200 --> 0:00:25.040
<v Speaker 1>I know we all have a lot to say about,

0:00:25.200 --> 0:00:31.120
<v Speaker 1>so please help me. Welcome fellow celebrity mentors. Kelly ben Simone,

0:00:31.240 --> 0:00:33.200
<v Speaker 1>Alexia Napola, Hi.

0:00:33.200 --> 0:00:35.640
<v Speaker 2>Ladies, him Cheryl, Hi Kelly.

0:00:35.760 --> 0:00:38.000
<v Speaker 1>It's been so long, Alexia especially.

0:00:38.680 --> 0:00:42.199
<v Speaker 2>Yes, last time I saw you you were dancing with

0:00:42.800 --> 0:00:45.199
<v Speaker 2>one of my friends, William Levy. We went out to

0:00:45.360 --> 0:00:48.199
<v Speaker 2>LA and you guys obviously were my favorite couple and

0:00:48.240 --> 0:00:49.839
<v Speaker 2>you should have taken the trophy.

0:00:50.000 --> 0:00:54.040
<v Speaker 1>Right yeah, I think. I mean, people were drooling over

0:00:54.080 --> 0:00:55.640
<v Speaker 1>that guy. But how are you doing?

0:00:55.920 --> 0:00:58.120
<v Speaker 2>And over you two, by the way, because you're an

0:00:58.120 --> 0:01:02.160
<v Speaker 2>amazing dancer. You've always been favorite dancer, by the way, amazing.

0:01:02.320 --> 0:01:04.000
<v Speaker 1>Thanks so much. Where are you, Kelly?

0:01:04.319 --> 0:01:06.000
<v Speaker 3>I'm doing better, so much better.

0:01:06.840 --> 0:01:08.480
<v Speaker 4>You know, you and I have kind of been through

0:01:08.560 --> 0:01:12.880
<v Speaker 4>a lot together and I'm just feeling like, emotionally so

0:01:13.040 --> 0:01:16.600
<v Speaker 4>much stronger. But you know, with any kind of like

0:01:16.880 --> 0:01:20.160
<v Speaker 4>you know, unraveling of anything, it's it's twofold. It's emotional

0:01:20.160 --> 0:01:22.800
<v Speaker 4>and transactional and so there was just a lot of

0:01:22.920 --> 0:01:25.039
<v Speaker 4>money things I had to take care of which I

0:01:25.080 --> 0:01:28.959
<v Speaker 4>was not happy with, which actually made me more angry

0:01:29.000 --> 0:01:30.440
<v Speaker 4>than just not being together.

0:01:31.160 --> 0:01:33.280
<v Speaker 1>Right right, I hear you. I mean this is just

0:01:33.360 --> 0:01:35.280
<v Speaker 1>the rollercoaster of emotions. I'm sure.

0:01:35.800 --> 0:01:38.120
<v Speaker 3>Just wasting money is just not my thing.

0:01:38.240 --> 0:01:40.440
<v Speaker 1>It's a lesson learned, never a waste.

0:01:40.880 --> 0:01:43.319
<v Speaker 3>Twenty twenty five is going to be such a good year.

0:01:43.240 --> 0:01:44.360
<v Speaker 1>Though, It's going to be amazing.

0:01:44.640 --> 0:01:47.600
<v Speaker 2>Are you talking about the relationship you're in with your fiance?

0:01:48.160 --> 0:01:49.240
<v Speaker 3>Yes, I am done.

0:01:49.760 --> 0:01:52.400
<v Speaker 2>Okay, this summer.

0:01:53.600 --> 0:01:55.080
<v Speaker 3>So Cheryl has been so great.

0:01:55.120 --> 0:02:00.080
<v Speaker 4>We started doing this podcast together the very beginning, and

0:02:00.280 --> 0:02:04.200
<v Speaker 4>Cheryl taught me a lot about how to navigate but

0:02:04.280 --> 0:02:06.080
<v Speaker 4>also how to treat myself.

0:02:06.200 --> 0:02:08.400
<v Speaker 3>And you know, we're just we've.

0:02:08.240 --> 0:02:11.200
<v Speaker 4>Been through similar situations. I'm so excited.

0:02:11.480 --> 0:02:13.399
<v Speaker 2>I feel like a lot of us women have been

0:02:13.880 --> 0:02:15.080
<v Speaker 2>through situations like that.

0:02:15.440 --> 0:02:17.639
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, it's just not talked about as much.

0:02:18.080 --> 0:02:20.040
<v Speaker 2>Right, And I think it's so much better, at least

0:02:20.080 --> 0:02:22.600
<v Speaker 2>for me. You know, I think talking about it, especially

0:02:22.720 --> 0:02:24.720
<v Speaker 2>to somebody like Cheryl that's gone through it, or other

0:02:24.800 --> 0:02:27.160
<v Speaker 2>of our friends or women that I've gone through it,

0:02:27.160 --> 0:02:29.520
<v Speaker 2>it's that it's so much more relatable and they get it.

0:02:29.600 --> 0:02:32.320
<v Speaker 2>You know, sometimes your friends that haven't been in these

0:02:32.320 --> 0:02:35.120
<v Speaker 2>situations don't get it, and it's you know, and it's

0:02:35.160 --> 0:02:37.360
<v Speaker 2>really hard. So it's great that you've had Cheryl. And

0:02:37.480 --> 0:02:39.519
<v Speaker 2>I don't know if you have any any other friends,

0:02:39.520 --> 0:02:43.040
<v Speaker 2>but I know for me, my friends me, everything new

0:02:43.120 --> 0:02:45.080
<v Speaker 2>for use just been you. Well I'm just kidding.

0:02:45.120 --> 0:02:45.560
<v Speaker 3>I'm kidding.

0:02:45.600 --> 0:02:49.040
<v Speaker 1>Oh no, because you know what, Kelly's only friend, that's it.

0:02:50.160 --> 0:02:52.200
<v Speaker 2>You know, Well, I'm sure you give her good advice.

0:02:52.440 --> 0:02:55.280
<v Speaker 2>By the way, I was also reading. I started following you, Cheryl,

0:02:55.280 --> 0:02:58.280
<v Speaker 2>and I started reading like your interviews and your podcasts

0:02:58.320 --> 0:03:01.560
<v Speaker 2>and listening to them, and I'm loving them. I'm joining them,

0:03:01.600 --> 0:03:03.640
<v Speaker 2>and I'm also learning a lot through because I'm also

0:03:03.680 --> 0:03:06.839
<v Speaker 2>going through my own journey. But yeah, so it's great

0:03:06.880 --> 0:03:09.160
<v Speaker 2>to have you now also, you know, as as my

0:03:09.240 --> 0:03:12.600
<v Speaker 2>friend and as my place and tell you took.

0:03:11.960 --> 0:03:13.720
<v Speaker 1>I just need to follow my own advice. That's the

0:03:13.760 --> 0:03:14.200
<v Speaker 1>hard part.

0:03:14.560 --> 0:03:17.040
<v Speaker 2>Well, that's what happens to me, Cheryl. I give great

0:03:17.080 --> 0:03:19.600
<v Speaker 2>advice and then I'll apply it to myself. All my

0:03:19.639 --> 0:03:21.680
<v Speaker 2>friends come to me for advice and they're like, what

0:03:21.760 --> 0:03:22.280
<v Speaker 2>about you.

0:03:22.560 --> 0:03:24.360
<v Speaker 4>I always told Cheryl that she's the adult in the

0:03:24.400 --> 0:03:25.880
<v Speaker 4>room and she's teaching me and mentoring.

0:03:27.280 --> 0:03:29.600
<v Speaker 1>Only you knew what I did. Though, when you weren't

0:03:30.240 --> 0:03:33.320
<v Speaker 1>with me, I'd be like, wait a second, are you

0:03:33.360 --> 0:03:37.360
<v Speaker 1>been to a hypocrite or don't? Okay, do as I

0:03:37.400 --> 0:03:40.840
<v Speaker 1>do exactly exactly? That is that true?

0:03:40.920 --> 0:03:42.520
<v Speaker 2>Saying that is true?

0:03:43.200 --> 0:03:45.800
<v Speaker 1>That's my therapist. I'm like, how messed up is your life?

0:03:45.840 --> 0:03:49.080
<v Speaker 1>My therapist for the last fifteen years? Let's talk about you? Okay.

0:03:50.000 --> 0:03:52.480
<v Speaker 2>Well, my mom was a great psychiatrist and she gave

0:03:52.640 --> 0:03:55.880
<v Speaker 2>great like couple's therapy, and she had been to words

0:03:55.920 --> 0:03:58.240
<v Speaker 2>five times, so I was like, my mom, Like, she

0:03:58.320 --> 0:04:00.200
<v Speaker 2>divorced five times. I'm like, how can you? And she

0:04:00.200 --> 0:04:02.480
<v Speaker 2>would make everyone stay together and she was so good

0:04:02.520 --> 0:04:05.760
<v Speaker 2>at it, and yet in her life she was a mess.

0:04:06.080 --> 0:04:10.320
<v Speaker 1>Let's see if Dennis Dennis Petrano, if he has also

0:04:10.400 --> 0:04:12.680
<v Speaker 1>gone through many divorces. I'm hoping he has, because then

0:04:12.720 --> 0:04:13.920
<v Speaker 1>he'll really be able to relate.

0:04:14.120 --> 0:04:16.520
<v Speaker 2>Well, I feel like we've only gone through one, right,

0:04:16.720 --> 0:04:19.200
<v Speaker 2>us three, I've only got to one?

0:04:19.320 --> 0:04:21.039
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, only one for now?

0:04:21.400 --> 0:04:24.480
<v Speaker 2>Well, me me the same because my second one, my husband,

0:04:24.640 --> 0:04:27.440
<v Speaker 2>we never filed for divorce and he unfortunately passed away.

0:04:27.480 --> 0:04:29.120
<v Speaker 2>So I was technically a widow.

0:04:29.640 --> 0:04:31.840
<v Speaker 1>That's the one I met, I met, that's the one

0:04:31.880 --> 0:04:33.640
<v Speaker 1>you met her. I'm so sorry.

0:04:33.839 --> 0:04:37.760
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, because he was a great man and so technically,

0:04:37.800 --> 0:04:39.720
<v Speaker 2>you know, we never filed for divorce or anything. We're

0:04:39.760 --> 0:04:42.800
<v Speaker 2>great friends, work together, and unfortunately, you know that happens.

0:04:43.320 --> 0:04:46.279
<v Speaker 2>And my third husband now, which is Todd, I'm still

0:04:46.320 --> 0:04:48.919
<v Speaker 2>married to him and I'm still trying to stay married.

0:04:49.080 --> 0:04:53.040
<v Speaker 2>Let's see what the well, let's see what no. I mean,

0:04:53.040 --> 0:04:54.960
<v Speaker 2>we're both trying to, you know, to make it.

0:04:54.800 --> 0:04:58.080
<v Speaker 1>Takes work, it works right, like it's it's always a

0:04:58.080 --> 0:05:00.560
<v Speaker 1>work in progress, like it's never too comfortable, you know

0:05:00.680 --> 0:05:01.000
<v Speaker 1>it is.

0:05:01.080 --> 0:05:03.680
<v Speaker 2>And I just think it's easier. I just think it's easier.

0:05:03.680 --> 0:05:05.159
<v Speaker 2>And I think a lot of people that's why they're

0:05:05.160 --> 0:05:08.000
<v Speaker 2>creating like so quickly, because it's just easier to walk away.

0:05:08.400 --> 0:05:10.960
<v Speaker 2>It takes so much work on both sides and so

0:05:11.080 --> 0:05:14.360
<v Speaker 2>much effort that, you know, sometimes I think people just

0:05:14.560 --> 0:05:16.320
<v Speaker 2>don't want to try so hard anymore.

0:05:16.640 --> 0:05:21.120
<v Speaker 1>Well, or it could be that like the one person

0:05:21.200 --> 0:05:23.800
<v Speaker 1>wants to work, but then you can't force the other

0:05:23.839 --> 0:05:27.240
<v Speaker 1>person to do the work either. And when that's the situation,

0:05:27.800 --> 0:05:30.679
<v Speaker 1>there's nothing you can do other than put yourself first

0:05:30.680 --> 0:05:31.400
<v Speaker 1>and walk away.

0:05:31.839 --> 0:05:34.599
<v Speaker 2>You know, yeah, that won't work. You definitely both.

0:05:35.040 --> 0:05:36.320
<v Speaker 3>You've had two relationships.

0:05:36.320 --> 0:05:41.919
<v Speaker 4>I only had one one like big relationship, one marriage.

0:05:42.000 --> 0:05:43.400
<v Speaker 3>And I it's.

0:05:43.279 --> 0:05:46.280
<v Speaker 4>Interesting because you know, I was like, well, howcome your

0:05:46.720 --> 0:05:47.320
<v Speaker 4>you're single?

0:05:47.560 --> 0:05:49.800
<v Speaker 3>Like basically like to what's wrong with you? I'm like, no, no, no,

0:05:49.839 --> 0:05:50.760
<v Speaker 3>I'm not single.

0:05:50.920 --> 0:05:54.000
<v Speaker 4>I'm just I'm just because I'm not in a relationship

0:05:54.080 --> 0:05:57.880
<v Speaker 4>doesn't mean I had a single mindset, right, I'm looking.

0:05:57.560 --> 0:06:00.240
<v Speaker 3>For the right person, not any person.

0:06:00.320 --> 0:06:03.120
<v Speaker 2>That is true. But are you okay with like being alone?

0:06:03.200 --> 0:06:05.880
<v Speaker 2>I think that that's mine. Oh yeah, yeah, well I

0:06:05.920 --> 0:06:08.640
<v Speaker 2>think now you are right because you went through your journey.

0:06:08.640 --> 0:06:11.200
<v Speaker 1>But my freak, I love it. I love it too much.

0:06:11.240 --> 0:06:12.760
<v Speaker 1>My therapist is worried about.

0:06:12.480 --> 0:06:15.360
<v Speaker 2>Me really because I know that's scary too. You so

0:06:15.400 --> 0:06:16.680
<v Speaker 2>you have a lot of friends like you share all

0:06:16.760 --> 0:06:20.279
<v Speaker 2>that I've been divorced, and they're so good being alone

0:06:20.720 --> 0:06:23.520
<v Speaker 2>that they really and you know, they're also celibate like

0:06:23.600 --> 0:06:26.440
<v Speaker 2>you by choice because they're just not going to they

0:06:26.480 --> 0:06:27.880
<v Speaker 2>just don't want another relationship.

0:06:28.320 --> 0:06:28.599
<v Speaker 3>Weird.

0:06:28.640 --> 0:06:30.600
<v Speaker 2>But I'm kind of scared of that to sharel I'm

0:06:30.600 --> 0:06:33.560
<v Speaker 2>not gonna lie because I feel like I'm just like

0:06:34.040 --> 0:06:36.880
<v Speaker 2>I know there's a difference between being alone and being lonely.

0:06:37.000 --> 0:06:39.000
<v Speaker 2>I would never be lonely because my life is very

0:06:39.000 --> 0:06:40.719
<v Speaker 2>complete and I have so much going on in my

0:06:40.760 --> 0:06:43.200
<v Speaker 2>life and I love my life, so I don't see

0:06:43.240 --> 0:06:46.960
<v Speaker 2>it that way. But I've always seen myself like with someone,

0:06:47.040 --> 0:06:50.719
<v Speaker 2>like my happiness doesn't depend on the person, but part

0:06:50.760 --> 0:06:53.760
<v Speaker 2>of my happiness, like in my vision board, is being

0:06:53.880 --> 0:06:55.640
<v Speaker 2>with someone and sharing my life.

0:06:55.640 --> 0:06:58.240
<v Speaker 1>I hear you, but you know there's going to be

0:06:58.320 --> 0:07:01.320
<v Speaker 1>ebbs and flows, like with anything with money, with relationships,

0:07:01.360 --> 0:07:04.040
<v Speaker 1>and I believe that it's never nothing's forever except you

0:07:04.080 --> 0:07:06.080
<v Speaker 1>are you forever, like you're stuck with you for the

0:07:06.120 --> 0:07:08.039
<v Speaker 1>rest of your life. You better like yourself. And I

0:07:08.040 --> 0:07:10.240
<v Speaker 1>think when it comes to I want to find someone

0:07:10.280 --> 0:07:13.160
<v Speaker 1>that makes me happy or those types of like statements

0:07:13.480 --> 0:07:16.880
<v Speaker 1>are really it's I would I hope one day that

0:07:17.160 --> 0:07:19.080
<v Speaker 1>And though I'm just saying this, it doesn't mean I'm

0:07:19.160 --> 0:07:22.120
<v Speaker 1>doing it, but like or practicing it. But the happiness

0:07:22.240 --> 0:07:24.720
<v Speaker 1>does you complete you right like And I think until

0:07:24.720 --> 0:07:28.480
<v Speaker 1>that really happens, then you start to attract the people

0:07:28.960 --> 0:07:33.320
<v Speaker 1>that are healthy, that are aren't looking for toxic relationships,

0:07:33.360 --> 0:07:36.400
<v Speaker 1>that are looking for no one to complete them because

0:07:36.440 --> 0:07:39.520
<v Speaker 1>they've already completed themselves. Like there's nobody's going to fill

0:07:39.560 --> 0:07:40.360
<v Speaker 1>that void for you.

0:07:40.880 --> 0:07:41.920
<v Speaker 3>I totally agree with that.

0:07:42.000 --> 0:07:44.200
<v Speaker 4>Yeah, I think that, like, you know, for me, like

0:07:44.240 --> 0:07:47.480
<v Speaker 4>it's not that I you know, I've been lonely. I've

0:07:47.520 --> 0:07:50.280
<v Speaker 4>just been alone, but I've also been raising two kids

0:07:50.280 --> 0:07:53.440
<v Speaker 4>on my own, and so so now like even my

0:07:53.520 --> 0:07:55.440
<v Speaker 4>you know, my youngest is still living with me, and

0:07:55.760 --> 0:08:01.000
<v Speaker 4>you know, I I'm definitely looking to be with someone's special, definitely,

0:08:01.040 --> 0:08:04.080
<v Speaker 4>and I've always been open to that. But you know,

0:08:04.120 --> 0:08:06.880
<v Speaker 4>when you're a full time single parent, you don't think,

0:08:07.200 --> 0:08:08.679
<v Speaker 4>you know, you're not like, Okay, I'll.

0:08:08.520 --> 0:08:11.120
<v Speaker 3>Just you know, dump my kids for some guy. It's

0:08:11.160 --> 0:08:11.920
<v Speaker 3>not going to happen.

0:08:12.400 --> 0:08:13.320
<v Speaker 1>No, hopefully not.

0:08:13.880 --> 0:08:17.520
<v Speaker 2>I would never do that. No not you well, no,

0:08:17.680 --> 0:08:19.480
<v Speaker 2>you haven't done it. So I don't think at this

0:08:19.560 --> 0:08:21.760
<v Speaker 2>point in your life, you know, whoever comes to your

0:08:21.760 --> 0:08:25.200
<v Speaker 2>life knows that your children are a priority and they're

0:08:25.320 --> 0:08:27.120
<v Speaker 2>you know, you're a package, you know, And that's what

0:08:27.320 --> 0:08:30.600
<v Speaker 2>men that date women with kids have to understand. And

0:08:30.680 --> 0:08:32.920
<v Speaker 2>that can also be a problem in relationships.

0:08:33.200 --> 0:08:33.400
<v Speaker 3>You know.

0:08:33.440 --> 0:08:35.760
<v Speaker 2>I feel like women that come into relationships with no

0:08:35.920 --> 0:08:40.160
<v Speaker 2>kids because they don't want then it could work again,

0:08:40.520 --> 0:08:43.360
<v Speaker 2>it really depends on the person that you're dating, you know. Yeah,

0:08:43.360 --> 0:08:44.680
<v Speaker 2>so it's very relative.

0:08:45.000 --> 0:08:47.640
<v Speaker 1>Should we bring in our guests, you guys, this is

0:08:47.679 --> 0:08:50.280
<v Speaker 1>going to be exciting. He's a talker and I can't

0:08:50.320 --> 0:08:53.400
<v Speaker 1>wait to have him on. So yeah, I know exactly

0:08:54.360 --> 0:08:56.880
<v Speaker 1>how long you got folks. Okay, so today we're going

0:08:56.960 --> 0:09:00.160
<v Speaker 1>to dive deep into the topic of divorce and ask

0:09:00.240 --> 0:09:03.160
<v Speaker 1>all the questions that we wished we'd ask when we

0:09:03.160 --> 0:09:06.079
<v Speaker 1>were going through it, or things you should be considering

0:09:06.200 --> 0:09:08.840
<v Speaker 1>the second time around. Our guest today is a divorce

0:09:08.880 --> 0:09:12.520
<v Speaker 1>attorney mediator and has the best TikTok feed full of

0:09:12.679 --> 0:09:17.000
<v Speaker 1>helpful information. This is very true. Please welcome Dennis the

0:09:17.080 --> 0:09:22.560
<v Speaker 1>Toronto to the podcast. Welcome, Hi, how are you meet

0:09:22.640 --> 0:09:26.200
<v Speaker 1>all of us? Have you heard I do Part two? Yes?

0:09:26.400 --> 0:09:30.600
<v Speaker 5>Well recently, yes, I've been. I've been kind of binging

0:09:30.640 --> 0:09:34.880
<v Speaker 5>on it a little bit. So yeah, yeah for sure.

0:09:35.720 --> 0:09:38.959
<v Speaker 1>So I guess tell us about yourself first and then

0:09:38.960 --> 0:09:41.000
<v Speaker 1>we'll just We've got tons of questions for you.

0:09:41.679 --> 0:09:45.920
<v Speaker 5>Okay. Ooh, I'm frightened now should I should I be intimidated? Fine?

0:09:45.960 --> 0:09:50.000
<v Speaker 5>I will, I'm fine. I'm used to asking the questions,

0:09:50.000 --> 0:09:53.000
<v Speaker 5>but ill but I'll answer them too. So twenty five

0:09:53.120 --> 0:09:57.920
<v Speaker 5>years practicing attorney, I've been doing predominantly divorced and family

0:09:58.000 --> 0:10:03.959
<v Speaker 5>li litigation throughout that time frame, and probably say maybe

0:10:04.000 --> 0:10:08.960
<v Speaker 5>about the past five years, just trying to take what

0:10:09.000 --> 0:10:12.280
<v Speaker 5>I've learned from being a divorce and family low litigation

0:10:12.360 --> 0:10:15.640
<v Speaker 5>attorney for twenty five years and try to like and

0:10:15.760 --> 0:10:17.920
<v Speaker 5>all the stories I've heard and all the horror stories,

0:10:18.000 --> 0:10:19.960
<v Speaker 5>and try to like rewind and say, like, how do

0:10:20.040 --> 0:10:23.720
<v Speaker 5>we look at the mistakes that are made in marriages

0:10:23.720 --> 0:10:26.679
<v Speaker 5>and relationships that lead you to those divorces and those

0:10:26.760 --> 0:10:31.920
<v Speaker 5>contentious you know, drawn out, knock down, drag out divorces,

0:10:31.960 --> 0:10:35.360
<v Speaker 5>and rewind like what could we have done to avoid

0:10:35.440 --> 0:10:38.040
<v Speaker 5>that from the start? Like what are the signs that

0:10:38.080 --> 0:10:41.120
<v Speaker 5>we saw or maybe didn't see, should have seen that

0:10:41.200 --> 0:10:42.960
<v Speaker 5>we could have fixed along the way to not end

0:10:43.000 --> 0:10:43.720
<v Speaker 5>up in my office?

0:10:43.800 --> 0:10:46.120
<v Speaker 1>So right, right, But then also it's good for you

0:10:46.160 --> 0:10:48.160
<v Speaker 1>to fand up in your office, right exactly?

0:10:49.280 --> 0:10:51.480
<v Speaker 5>I mean, look it is, but I think you know,

0:10:51.520 --> 0:10:53.600
<v Speaker 5>Look I tell people people always say, you know, I

0:10:53.720 --> 0:10:55.920
<v Speaker 5>do so much on TikTok and Instagram and stuff like that,

0:10:55.960 --> 0:10:58.480
<v Speaker 5>And I've been doing videos for a long time about divorces.

0:10:59.040 --> 0:11:00.360
<v Speaker 5>You know, a lot of the knocks and a lot

0:11:00.400 --> 0:11:02.400
<v Speaker 5>of the guys especially, will say, oh, this guy just

0:11:02.440 --> 0:11:04.800
<v Speaker 5>wants to get your money. It's like no, It's like, you.

0:11:04.760 --> 0:11:07.800
<v Speaker 2>Know, what, do you represent men more or women? Your

0:11:07.840 --> 0:11:09.600
<v Speaker 2>clientele is the more ladies or men.

0:11:10.000 --> 0:11:12.720
<v Speaker 5>I find that it's been about fifty to fifty for

0:11:12.760 --> 0:11:15.920
<v Speaker 5>the longest time, but probably over the past handful of years,

0:11:15.920 --> 0:11:21.000
<v Speaker 5>I've probably been representing more women than men, you know.

0:11:21.040 --> 0:11:26.079
<v Speaker 5>And I find for me it's it dovetails more nicely

0:11:26.200 --> 0:11:29.040
<v Speaker 5>with the way I approach these cases, and really what

0:11:29.080 --> 0:11:32.200
<v Speaker 5>I believe in in that, like you know my experiences,

0:11:32.200 --> 0:11:34.680
<v Speaker 5>women tend to be more introspective, They tend to be

0:11:34.720 --> 0:11:37.160
<v Speaker 5>more open to counseling, They tend to be more open

0:11:37.200 --> 0:11:39.360
<v Speaker 5>to listen to you. And I think that you know,

0:11:39.440 --> 0:11:42.439
<v Speaker 5>as a professional in this space and wanting to help

0:11:42.480 --> 0:11:46.000
<v Speaker 5>people you know, have a healthy, successful life, it just

0:11:46.160 --> 0:11:48.679
<v Speaker 5>it just works better that sort of relationship.

0:11:49.080 --> 0:11:49.880
<v Speaker 1>Are you divorced?

0:11:50.400 --> 0:11:52.120
<v Speaker 5>No?

0:11:52.480 --> 0:11:53.120
<v Speaker 3>Are you married?

0:11:53.600 --> 0:11:57.160
<v Speaker 5>I am married? Okay, I am married to kids.

0:11:57.440 --> 0:11:58.560
<v Speaker 2>How long have you been married.

0:11:59.320 --> 0:12:03.120
<v Speaker 5>We've been married since two thousand and seven September one,

0:12:03.240 --> 0:12:04.800
<v Speaker 5>two thousand and seven.

0:12:04.640 --> 0:12:05.200
<v Speaker 1>So okay.

0:12:05.280 --> 0:12:06.319
<v Speaker 5>How good is my math?

0:12:06.400 --> 0:12:06.679
<v Speaker 3>Here.

0:12:07.240 --> 0:12:09.160
<v Speaker 5>Uh so roughly about fourteen years.

0:12:09.440 --> 0:12:12.040
<v Speaker 1>Now, do you rep yourself if anything were to happen,

0:12:12.160 --> 0:12:15.079
<v Speaker 1>or do you have colleagues that you would Oh?

0:12:15.280 --> 0:12:15.640
<v Speaker 2>Do you not?

0:12:15.760 --> 0:12:18.440
<v Speaker 1>Even would not use a divorce attorney? Maybe?

0:12:18.640 --> 0:12:21.040
<v Speaker 5>Now this is funny because I don't even have a prenup.

0:12:21.080 --> 0:12:23.319
<v Speaker 1>You know, this goes back, girls to what we were saying,

0:12:23.520 --> 0:12:25.320
<v Speaker 1>like we could preach all we want.

0:12:25.440 --> 0:12:28.760
<v Speaker 5>When we first met. I didn't need a prenup. She did.

0:12:29.160 --> 0:12:31.920
<v Speaker 5>So let's put at that very accomplished woman.

0:12:31.800 --> 0:12:33.760
<v Speaker 1>My wife. Yeah, so did you sign one?

0:12:34.400 --> 0:12:37.240
<v Speaker 5>No, no, we don't. We don't have a prenup.

0:12:36.880 --> 0:12:38.960
<v Speaker 2>Because it's their first marriage, right.

0:12:38.960 --> 0:12:42.120
<v Speaker 5>Right, right, right, right, we're beginners.

0:12:42.200 --> 0:12:44.920
<v Speaker 1>Well, I mean I had a prenup from the beginning.

0:12:45.880 --> 0:12:46.160
<v Speaker 6>Yeah.

0:12:46.200 --> 0:12:51.199
<v Speaker 5>I think it's funny because clients and even just really anybody,

0:12:52.000 --> 0:12:53.560
<v Speaker 5>I think it's a good idea to have a prenup,

0:12:54.200 --> 0:12:56.240
<v Speaker 5>and people are surprised about the reasons why I think

0:12:56.280 --> 0:12:57.040
<v Speaker 5>you should have a prenup.

0:12:57.200 --> 0:12:58.920
<v Speaker 3>I think, why do you like prenups?

0:12:59.120 --> 0:13:01.080
<v Speaker 5>I think you should have a prep not for the

0:13:01.160 --> 0:13:04.080
<v Speaker 5>conventional reasons why people typically do prenups. I think you

0:13:04.080 --> 0:13:08.360
<v Speaker 5>should have a prenup because you have more disclosure, you

0:13:08.520 --> 0:13:15.080
<v Speaker 5>have more open honesty. You're having tougher conversations before the

0:13:15.080 --> 0:13:18.200
<v Speaker 5>marriage starts that many people are just not ready for.

0:13:18.559 --> 0:13:20.240
<v Speaker 5>You know, people don't want to talk about, hey, what

0:13:20.320 --> 0:13:22.600
<v Speaker 5>happens if we get divorced. People don't want to talk

0:13:22.600 --> 0:13:24.800
<v Speaker 5>about how much debt do you have? Like where do

0:13:24.880 --> 0:13:26.280
<v Speaker 5>you make? Where do you make your money?

0:13:26.920 --> 0:13:31.679
<v Speaker 2>Don't you think that that affects the couple as far

0:13:31.800 --> 0:13:34.600
<v Speaker 2>as where the relationship is going to go. You know,

0:13:34.800 --> 0:13:36.880
<v Speaker 2>like you said, there's a lot of disclosure, there's you know,

0:13:37.080 --> 0:13:41.640
<v Speaker 2>there's honesty. You have to be transparent. It's uncomfortable. I'm

0:13:41.679 --> 0:13:44.440
<v Speaker 2>being honest. I mean it's uncomfortable than the main things

0:13:44.480 --> 0:13:46.240
<v Speaker 2>that like your you know, like oh you just like

0:13:46.280 --> 0:13:46.840
<v Speaker 2>want my money?

0:13:46.840 --> 0:13:49.679
<v Speaker 1>And you know what else is uncomfortable childbirth, which I've

0:13:49.760 --> 0:13:53.920
<v Speaker 1>never experienced, but like that is also I'm assuming super uncomfortable.

0:13:53.960 --> 0:13:57.040
<v Speaker 1>So it's like we have to have these conversations regardless.

0:13:57.120 --> 0:13:58.640
<v Speaker 1>Better to do it before you say, I do.

0:13:58.720 --> 0:14:00.840
<v Speaker 2>I think, Well, I feel like some couples today. I

0:14:00.880 --> 0:14:03.360
<v Speaker 2>mean maybe I'm wrong, but baby, I think that people

0:14:03.400 --> 0:14:05.880
<v Speaker 2>aren't getting married and couples like I have friends of mine,

0:14:06.240 --> 0:14:08.800
<v Speaker 2>I'm gonna be honest, and they've been engaged and they

0:14:08.840 --> 0:14:13.040
<v Speaker 2>are avoiding marriage because they don't want to sit down

0:14:13.120 --> 0:14:14.480
<v Speaker 2>and work on a pre up.

0:14:14.600 --> 0:14:25.800
<v Speaker 1>Well that's their problem.

0:14:25.840 --> 0:14:28.000
<v Speaker 3>So I didn't have a preenup for my first marriage.

0:14:28.000 --> 0:14:29.200
<v Speaker 2>I did not have a prenup.

0:14:29.360 --> 0:14:33.320
<v Speaker 3>And you know, I don't feel like I don't, you know,

0:14:33.360 --> 0:14:34.080
<v Speaker 3>I don't. I don't.

0:14:35.120 --> 0:14:37.560
<v Speaker 4>I didn't feel like I needed one because I was

0:14:37.600 --> 0:14:41.600
<v Speaker 4>so young. But you know, if my when my daughters,

0:14:42.840 --> 0:14:44.880
<v Speaker 4>you know, find you know, the love of their life,

0:14:44.960 --> 0:14:47.240
<v Speaker 4>I'm definitely definitely going to make them get prenups.

0:14:47.280 --> 0:14:49.560
<v Speaker 3>But I did not. I did not have that. We're

0:14:49.560 --> 0:14:51.240
<v Speaker 3>not because I was, you know, twenty six years old.

0:14:51.320 --> 0:14:55.400
<v Speaker 4>But you know, it's just a totally different world now

0:14:55.440 --> 0:14:55.960
<v Speaker 4>than it was.

0:14:56.160 --> 0:14:58.720
<v Speaker 1>Then, Well tell them your story, your story.

0:14:58.840 --> 0:15:00.800
<v Speaker 4>I mean, I think that that's the dentists made that

0:15:00.840 --> 0:15:04.440
<v Speaker 4>really good point that a prenup is kind of like

0:15:04.520 --> 0:15:08.280
<v Speaker 4>what would happen if you get divorced, and so it's

0:15:08.400 --> 0:15:10.640
<v Speaker 4>it's basically the same kind of it's a.

0:15:10.720 --> 0:15:13.320
<v Speaker 3>Contract, and so it's it's basically the same to kind

0:15:13.360 --> 0:15:16.000
<v Speaker 3>of document you can speak to that. Why don't you

0:15:16.000 --> 0:15:16.880
<v Speaker 3>tell us the difference?

0:15:17.840 --> 0:15:19.320
<v Speaker 5>Yeah, But I mean, here's the thing. I mean, I

0:15:19.360 --> 0:15:22.760
<v Speaker 5>think I think, look, you know prenups. I'll get into

0:15:22.800 --> 0:15:26.000
<v Speaker 5>what prenup is and and why it's important from a

0:15:26.080 --> 0:15:31.640
<v Speaker 5>legal standpoint, but I think prenups I think are important

0:15:31.800 --> 0:15:36.680
<v Speaker 5>because you need to choose. Look, successful marriages, in my opinion,

0:15:36.800 --> 0:15:41.960
<v Speaker 5>start off with choosing well. The finances are necessarily part

0:15:42.000 --> 0:15:44.480
<v Speaker 5>of it. How do you make your money? How do

0:15:44.560 --> 0:15:47.360
<v Speaker 5>you spend your money? Are you you are? When you

0:15:47.440 --> 0:15:51.560
<v Speaker 5>marry someone, you are extending this level of trust to

0:15:51.600 --> 0:15:54.800
<v Speaker 5>this individual. That Jesus if they can't talk to you

0:15:54.840 --> 0:15:57.680
<v Speaker 5>about what their debts are or how they make their money,

0:15:57.760 --> 0:16:00.520
<v Speaker 5>or or like you know, how many bills do they

0:16:00.520 --> 0:16:02.520
<v Speaker 5>have or what their credit score is? I mean, listen,

0:16:03.240 --> 0:16:07.480
<v Speaker 5>you're like trusting your soul, your heart with this person

0:16:08.240 --> 0:16:10.800
<v Speaker 5>and they can't trust you to tell you what they

0:16:10.920 --> 0:16:14.520
<v Speaker 5>make or like you know these things. There needs to

0:16:14.560 --> 0:16:17.160
<v Speaker 5>be full disclosure. There needs to be because again, like I said,

0:16:17.720 --> 0:16:21.440
<v Speaker 5>successful long lasting marriages start with choosing well. And I

0:16:21.440 --> 0:16:23.800
<v Speaker 5>think the prenup is a tool.

0:16:25.040 --> 0:16:28.160
<v Speaker 1>And open communication right right, that's it.

0:16:28.240 --> 0:16:32.200
<v Speaker 5>Yes, Yes, open communication from the get go on the

0:16:32.240 --> 0:16:36.160
<v Speaker 5>things that are most you're right.

0:16:36.120 --> 0:16:39.680
<v Speaker 1>And vulnerable and transparency and all of it. Like, but

0:16:39.880 --> 0:16:43.560
<v Speaker 1>don't you think before marrying somebody that these conversations, like

0:16:43.600 --> 0:16:46.480
<v Speaker 1>it's common sense because if let's say you don't do it,

0:16:47.080 --> 0:16:49.040
<v Speaker 1>your life is going to be a living. This person's

0:16:49.040 --> 0:16:51.240
<v Speaker 1>going to be in your life no matter if whatever

0:16:51.320 --> 0:16:54.400
<v Speaker 1>happened happened, like for the rest of your life, and

0:16:54.440 --> 0:16:57.480
<v Speaker 1>that is forever, you know, like that, it's just a

0:16:57.560 --> 0:17:02.640
<v Speaker 1>nightmare situation. Yeah, especially I can't speak to that, but ye, yes.

0:17:03.280 --> 0:17:05.920
<v Speaker 4>So Dennis, are you more likely or less likely to

0:17:06.240 --> 0:17:09.359
<v Speaker 4>get divorced throughout the second time around if your marriage

0:17:09.400 --> 0:17:11.400
<v Speaker 4>and if your first marriage ended in divorce?

0:17:12.280 --> 0:17:15.159
<v Speaker 5>Well, I think Look, we know second marriages fail to

0:17:15.240 --> 0:17:18.879
<v Speaker 5>the tune of about seventy something percent. You know, the

0:17:18.960 --> 0:17:21.119
<v Speaker 5>first marriages are roughly about fifty percent.

0:17:21.280 --> 0:17:22.520
<v Speaker 2>What about the third marriage?

0:17:23.520 --> 0:17:27.920
<v Speaker 5>Well, right, marriage, I don't I don't remember, right. I

0:17:28.400 --> 0:17:30.520
<v Speaker 5>think it's going up. I think part of the reason

0:17:30.840 --> 0:17:35.280
<v Speaker 5>is we're we're worried about the wrong things when our

0:17:35.400 --> 0:17:39.480
<v Speaker 5>relationship fails. We're worried about the stigma associated with it.

0:17:39.600 --> 0:17:42.760
<v Speaker 5>We're worried about the shame. We're worried about protecting our kids,

0:17:43.040 --> 0:17:45.520
<v Speaker 5>We're worried about what our friends are saying about us,

0:17:45.680 --> 0:17:49.440
<v Speaker 5>when really what we need to be worrying about is ourselves.

0:17:49.600 --> 0:17:54.400
<v Speaker 5>And getting to getting reacquainted with ourselves, taking the time

0:17:54.520 --> 0:17:56.840
<v Speaker 5>to do that, taking the time to date, and no,

0:17:57.440 --> 0:18:00.960
<v Speaker 5>you know know what you're looking for. I think we yes,

0:18:01.200 --> 0:18:02.320
<v Speaker 5>right right away.

0:18:03.000 --> 0:18:04.919
<v Speaker 2>Cheryl doesn't agree with that, Dennis.

0:18:05.000 --> 0:18:07.679
<v Speaker 4>Isn't it also that when you get divorced after the

0:18:07.720 --> 0:18:10.760
<v Speaker 4>first time and then you get married again, it's probably

0:18:10.840 --> 0:18:13.720
<v Speaker 4>easier to get divorced the second time because you already

0:18:13.800 --> 0:18:15.760
<v Speaker 4>know what's at stake.

0:18:15.880 --> 0:18:17.600
<v Speaker 1>We can just copy the prenup like we could just

0:18:17.600 --> 0:18:19.480
<v Speaker 1>make another copy and just change the name.

0:18:19.840 --> 0:18:20.920
<v Speaker 5>That's a good point.

0:18:21.760 --> 0:18:25.119
<v Speaker 4>That's not good, that's I mean, Listen, I believe in,

0:18:25.480 --> 0:18:28.639
<v Speaker 4>you know, I believe in divorce. I believe in you know,

0:18:28.680 --> 0:18:31.440
<v Speaker 4>if things aren't working out. I definitely believe in making

0:18:31.480 --> 0:18:34.240
<v Speaker 4>better choices for yourself and for your family one hundred percent.

0:18:35.359 --> 0:18:38.119
<v Speaker 4>But I do also think that once you've done it,

0:18:39.240 --> 0:18:40.200
<v Speaker 4>you're gonna do it again.

0:18:40.680 --> 0:18:42.159
<v Speaker 1>You know, Are you going to mean nothing's forever?

0:18:42.720 --> 0:18:42.880
<v Speaker 6>No?

0:18:42.960 --> 0:18:44.359
<v Speaker 3>I don't, Cheryl.

0:18:45.160 --> 0:18:48.440
<v Speaker 5>Maybe, I mean I think, look, I was always a proponent.

0:18:48.480 --> 0:18:50.640
<v Speaker 5>Now this is a divorce lawyer who was always a proponent,

0:18:50.640 --> 0:18:53.320
<v Speaker 5>who said, Hey, you gotta wait, you gotta take time.

0:18:53.359 --> 0:18:55.320
<v Speaker 5>You really got to heal yourself. You got to get

0:18:55.320 --> 0:18:58.720
<v Speaker 5>to know yourself. Yes, I'm still that's that's absolutely the

0:18:58.720 --> 0:19:03.080
<v Speaker 5>way I feel. However, or you know, I've been over

0:19:03.119 --> 0:19:05.000
<v Speaker 5>the past year or so, I've been doing some podcasts

0:19:05.000 --> 0:19:07.360
<v Speaker 5>talking with some people in this space, and one of

0:19:07.400 --> 0:19:11.160
<v Speaker 5>the gentlemen who was divorced suggested, he said, I actually

0:19:11.200 --> 0:19:14.840
<v Speaker 5>started dating early on, he said, but I just went

0:19:14.880 --> 0:19:16.960
<v Speaker 5>out and went for a cup of coffee, and so

0:19:17.119 --> 0:19:21.879
<v Speaker 5>typical just give. But listen, no, no, no, no, this

0:19:21.880 --> 0:19:26.760
<v Speaker 5>this particular individual was is very introspective about it, different

0:19:26.800 --> 0:19:29.159
<v Speaker 5>than most guys in these spaces because, believe me, I

0:19:29.160 --> 0:19:31.399
<v Speaker 5>get I totally understand where you're coming from. But his

0:19:31.560 --> 0:19:36.320
<v Speaker 5>point was I needed to figure out what I was

0:19:36.400 --> 0:19:40.800
<v Speaker 5>looking for, and part of rediscovering myself was knowing the

0:19:40.880 --> 0:19:43.159
<v Speaker 5>type of person that I wanted to be with or

0:19:43.280 --> 0:19:48.639
<v Speaker 5>did not want to be with. And he thought, and

0:19:48.720 --> 0:19:50.200
<v Speaker 5>I think that's part of it.

0:19:50.359 --> 0:19:52.920
<v Speaker 1>This is the thing You're never going to get anything

0:19:52.960 --> 0:19:55.800
<v Speaker 1>from anybody else, Like you need to figure out yourself, true,

0:19:56.400 --> 0:19:59.399
<v Speaker 1>like you as the individual, because nobody is going to

0:19:59.440 --> 0:20:02.120
<v Speaker 1>fill your cup up other than yourself. No one's gonna

0:20:02.119 --> 0:20:04.360
<v Speaker 1>fill in a void. And that is just the way

0:20:04.359 --> 0:20:05.480
<v Speaker 1>it is, right.

0:20:05.320 --> 0:20:08.160
<v Speaker 6>So I agree, can you to look and look and look, look,

0:20:08.240 --> 0:20:10.399
<v Speaker 6>look like what do you You're never going to be

0:20:10.440 --> 0:20:13.640
<v Speaker 6>satisfied because you haven't filled yourself up with anything other

0:20:13.720 --> 0:20:15.640
<v Speaker 6>than looking for someone to fill it for you.

0:20:15.920 --> 0:20:17.800
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I feel like a lot of men are do

0:20:17.920 --> 0:20:20.040
<v Speaker 2>that kind of stuff, Sherul. They're like, okay, well you

0:20:20.080 --> 0:20:22.880
<v Speaker 2>know what, I'm just gonna go look and as an excuse,

0:20:23.119 --> 0:20:24.440
<v Speaker 2>you know, what's interesting.

0:20:24.080 --> 0:20:27.680
<v Speaker 3>Is just the recent dating. And you know it's interesting

0:20:27.760 --> 0:20:29.359
<v Speaker 3>because the guys that I've been.

0:20:29.320 --> 0:20:32.119
<v Speaker 4>Dating, who are They're all like, very nice guys, but

0:20:32.160 --> 0:20:35.560
<v Speaker 4>they all say the same thing to me. They're like,

0:20:35.800 --> 0:20:38.479
<v Speaker 4>I'm not the same as him. You know, there are

0:20:38.480 --> 0:20:41.800
<v Speaker 4>certain things I would never do, and kind of putting

0:20:41.800 --> 0:20:45.439
<v Speaker 4>it into my head that you know, what I was

0:20:45.520 --> 0:20:48.920
<v Speaker 4>doing was wrong and that they're so great and that

0:20:49.040 --> 0:20:51.080
<v Speaker 4>I'm so bad, and I'm like, wait, a red flag.

0:20:51.640 --> 0:20:55.600
<v Speaker 4>Oh no, that's a red flag, my friend gaslating me

0:20:55.720 --> 0:20:57.520
<v Speaker 4>from my own experience.

0:20:57.080 --> 0:21:00.080
<v Speaker 1>Like yes, yeah, correct, that's exactly what's happening.

0:20:59.760 --> 0:21:02.879
<v Speaker 4>Because as I failed, now you're gonna make me worse

0:21:02.960 --> 0:21:03.800
<v Speaker 4>about failing.

0:21:03.920 --> 0:21:05.000
<v Speaker 1>Flag red flag.

0:21:05.320 --> 0:21:10.480
<v Speaker 5>You can't walk away from those relationships feeling like you

0:21:11.119 --> 0:21:14.040
<v Speaker 5>like you made a mistake, like you were to blame.

0:21:14.200 --> 0:21:17.240
<v Speaker 5>You can't. You can't because you never I mean, the

0:21:17.280 --> 0:21:20.800
<v Speaker 5>point is it's it's about not because I think it's

0:21:20.840 --> 0:21:24.200
<v Speaker 5>societal in large part, and I think I do think

0:21:24.200 --> 0:21:26.800
<v Speaker 5>to a certain degree it is specific to women in

0:21:26.840 --> 0:21:29.520
<v Speaker 5>that they feel that sense of shame, that sense of

0:21:29.560 --> 0:21:32.960
<v Speaker 5>responsibility for the failed relationships that in large part from

0:21:33.000 --> 0:21:36.080
<v Speaker 5>my experience, guys don't really feel. They don't see it.

0:21:36.119 --> 0:21:37.640
<v Speaker 5>They don't get it in the same way.

0:21:37.840 --> 0:21:39.680
<v Speaker 1>I know it's because you don't want to get it.

0:21:40.119 --> 0:21:43.640
<v Speaker 1>We'll all human like, really, it's all about self awareness,

0:21:44.200 --> 0:21:44.920
<v Speaker 1>is what we're saying.

0:21:44.960 --> 0:21:47.880
<v Speaker 4>And also that they always talk about like a woman's

0:21:47.920 --> 0:21:50.399
<v Speaker 4>everyone's like it was like a woman is already a

0:21:50.400 --> 0:21:52.200
<v Speaker 4>woman's scorn, What about a man scorn?

0:21:52.720 --> 0:21:55.200
<v Speaker 1>No, they have it, but like do they ever take

0:21:55.200 --> 0:21:58.240
<v Speaker 1>the time? I mean, I'm not talking generally obviously, Like

0:21:58.280 --> 0:22:00.400
<v Speaker 1>there are men. I actually have met men that are

0:22:00.520 --> 0:22:03.320
<v Speaker 1>very self aware that want to continue to evolve because

0:22:03.480 --> 0:22:06.240
<v Speaker 1>no matter if you want to or not, weren't evolving, right,

0:22:06.240 --> 0:22:09.000
<v Speaker 1>And that's human nature. And if you say to me

0:22:09.119 --> 0:22:11.879
<v Speaker 1>that if there's no shame when it comes to like

0:22:12.200 --> 0:22:16.320
<v Speaker 1>any relationship, every female male, non binary, it doesn't matter,

0:22:16.400 --> 0:22:19.480
<v Speaker 1>like we all have feelings, you're just the difference is

0:22:19.480 --> 0:22:21.960
<v Speaker 1>is that we are saying it out loud to take

0:22:22.000 --> 0:22:24.120
<v Speaker 1>the shame away. Because I believe when you say how

0:22:24.160 --> 0:22:27.880
<v Speaker 1>you feel and you express it, especially whether it's podcasting,

0:22:27.920 --> 0:22:30.040
<v Speaker 1>you're just talking to her friend, the shame does slowly

0:22:30.080 --> 0:22:33.639
<v Speaker 1>strip away. But for men, they just continue on. Not

0:22:33.720 --> 0:22:37.960
<v Speaker 1>all men, Some men don't admit their feelings to themselves

0:22:38.040 --> 0:22:40.639
<v Speaker 1>and just continue to numb. Whether that's date other women

0:22:40.720 --> 0:22:44.119
<v Speaker 1>have sex with different women every single day, or maybe

0:22:44.119 --> 0:22:46.720
<v Speaker 1>it's productivity that they're addicted to, you know, like it's

0:22:46.760 --> 0:22:48.960
<v Speaker 1>just there's so much you can do to them.

0:22:49.080 --> 0:22:52.960
<v Speaker 2>That's like a certain personality trait and personality style. And

0:22:53.040 --> 0:22:55.159
<v Speaker 2>then not all men are like that, no, because you

0:22:55.160 --> 0:22:56.960
<v Speaker 2>know there are men that you know have a field

0:22:57.080 --> 0:23:00.120
<v Speaker 2>marriage and you know they, yeah, they're upset about it.

0:23:00.280 --> 0:23:02.199
<v Speaker 2>You know, they get better. I know, I feel like

0:23:02.320 --> 0:23:03.959
<v Speaker 2>men need to have a woman more. Like we were

0:23:04.000 --> 0:23:06.320
<v Speaker 2>talking about, like how Kelly and I want to like meet,

0:23:06.520 --> 0:23:08.600
<v Speaker 2>you know, like that meet. In this case, I'm you know,

0:23:08.600 --> 0:23:11.119
<v Speaker 2>I'm still with my husband, taught, but I'm just saying

0:23:11.119 --> 0:23:13.199
<v Speaker 2>that I would never be alone. I'm not just that

0:23:13.320 --> 0:23:15.520
<v Speaker 2>kind of woman that I like to be in a

0:23:15.560 --> 0:23:19.960
<v Speaker 2>relationship with a man, And so what I'm trying to

0:23:19.960 --> 0:23:21.960
<v Speaker 2>say is that there's a lot of men, and I

0:23:22.000 --> 0:23:25.080
<v Speaker 2>feel like men are needier that way that they need

0:23:25.080 --> 0:23:28.480
<v Speaker 2>to once they're done with the relationship or with their marriage,

0:23:28.560 --> 0:23:32.040
<v Speaker 2>they also need to go out and find a woman.

0:23:32.240 --> 0:23:33.840
<v Speaker 2>Like they can't be alone. I feel like men have

0:23:33.880 --> 0:23:35.440
<v Speaker 2>a harder time being alone with women.

0:23:35.560 --> 0:23:37.600
<v Speaker 1>But I have met men that could be alone too.

0:23:37.800 --> 0:23:40.480
<v Speaker 1>It's rare, but it happens.

0:23:40.320 --> 0:23:42.200
<v Speaker 2>Right, I mean they can, but they have like ten

0:23:42.240 --> 0:23:43.919
<v Speaker 2>women at the same time, so they may not have

0:23:43.960 --> 0:23:46.560
<v Speaker 2>one woman, but they're like, you know, talking to ten

0:23:46.600 --> 0:23:48.800
<v Speaker 2>different women, and you know, they're just like serial daters

0:23:48.880 --> 0:23:49.200
<v Speaker 2>or whatever.

0:23:49.640 --> 0:23:51.160
<v Speaker 1>Yes, we're built differently, I guess.

0:23:51.040 --> 0:23:53.480
<v Speaker 5>Yeah, But I think that's right. I think when you say,

0:23:53.600 --> 0:23:57.680
<v Speaker 5>I mean when you use the phrase self evaluate and

0:23:58.000 --> 0:24:02.840
<v Speaker 5>evolve and improve self awareness, right, I think that's the

0:24:02.880 --> 0:24:05.640
<v Speaker 5>piece that's missing to a certain degree with guys. And

0:24:05.680 --> 0:24:08.719
<v Speaker 5>not all guys. Listen, there's no one size fits all

0:24:08.760 --> 0:24:11.280
<v Speaker 5>with any of this. There is not. Everybody's their own

0:24:11.320 --> 0:24:14.879
<v Speaker 5>individual and every relationship is its own thing. But I

0:24:14.920 --> 0:24:17.159
<v Speaker 5>think that's one of the things. The vast majority of

0:24:17.160 --> 0:24:19.280
<v Speaker 5>the guys that I deal with, they seem to miss

0:24:19.320 --> 0:24:22.600
<v Speaker 5>like and and when you say, like, hey, but what

0:24:22.760 --> 0:24:25.120
<v Speaker 5>about this you could have done better? What about that

0:24:25.200 --> 0:24:27.639
<v Speaker 5>you could have worked on? It's like, oh no, no,

0:24:27.720 --> 0:24:29.879
<v Speaker 5>I'm always the bad guy. You know, what did you

0:24:30.040 --> 0:24:34.200
<v Speaker 5>do wrong? What did whoa? Stop pointing to other people,

0:24:34.680 --> 0:24:39.159
<v Speaker 5>stop deflecting, stop being defensive, Like just step back. They

0:24:39.160 --> 0:24:41.280
<v Speaker 5>always say, like there's a reason why you have two

0:24:41.320 --> 0:24:43.440
<v Speaker 5>ears in one mouth, right, because you're supposed to do

0:24:43.480 --> 0:24:45.720
<v Speaker 5>twice as much listening as you do talking. But I

0:24:45.720 --> 0:24:47.760
<v Speaker 5>think a lot of times with guys, they're not good

0:24:47.800 --> 0:24:50.280
<v Speaker 5>at that. And it's not every guy, but it's on

0:24:50.480 --> 0:24:53.760
<v Speaker 5>average that's what I see. So like, just sit down,

0:24:53.920 --> 0:24:56.840
<v Speaker 5>like shut up, just listen and like like digest it

0:24:56.880 --> 0:24:59.480
<v Speaker 5>and like be self aware, right or self evaluated.

0:24:59.560 --> 0:25:01.840
<v Speaker 1>Go to it a meeting. You're gonna hear a bunch

0:25:01.880 --> 0:25:05.560
<v Speaker 1>of men who are taking accountability because you have to.

0:25:05.600 --> 0:25:07.600
<v Speaker 1>That's part of the program that I'm in as well,

0:25:07.640 --> 0:25:10.720
<v Speaker 1>Like you have to take accountability for your addiction, right,

0:25:11.000 --> 0:25:14.359
<v Speaker 1>that's the only way to get better and to be

0:25:14.480 --> 0:25:17.159
<v Speaker 1>sober and take everything one day at a time. Until

0:25:17.200 --> 0:25:19.800
<v Speaker 1>you first point the finger at yourself, there is no

0:25:19.960 --> 0:25:23.439
<v Speaker 1>way you know you're going down a slippery slope. So like,

0:25:23.480 --> 0:25:25.520
<v Speaker 1>those are the types of men that when you know,

0:25:25.600 --> 0:25:28.000
<v Speaker 1>I go to meetings like, there are men out there

0:25:28.040 --> 0:25:30.639
<v Speaker 1>like that, and that's not It's the sexiest thing in

0:25:30.680 --> 0:25:33.520
<v Speaker 1>the world when a man takes accountability, when anybody, I

0:25:33.520 --> 0:25:36.919
<v Speaker 1>don't care what gender or non gender, it is the

0:25:37.040 --> 0:25:41.119
<v Speaker 1>sexiest thing. It shows confidence, It shows stability, it shows

0:25:41.119 --> 0:25:43.280
<v Speaker 1>security for me at least I think.

0:25:43.720 --> 0:25:46.040
<v Speaker 5>And when I have guys here like and complain like, oh,

0:25:46.119 --> 0:25:48.359
<v Speaker 5>you know, there's no physical intimacy with my wife and

0:25:48.359 --> 0:25:51.800
<v Speaker 5>this not happens like like, but you're not responsible, You're

0:25:51.840 --> 0:25:56.560
<v Speaker 5>not like you're listening, You're not like you know, like,

0:25:56.680 --> 0:25:57.480
<v Speaker 5>come on, man.

0:25:57.400 --> 0:25:59.280
<v Speaker 2>Do you think that that's one of the main causes

0:26:00.080 --> 0:26:02.040
<v Speaker 2>and in the cases that you see, do you think

0:26:02.080 --> 0:26:07.000
<v Speaker 2>it's one of the big factors why people go apart

0:26:07.240 --> 0:26:09.320
<v Speaker 2>or there's you know, divorce.

0:26:09.200 --> 0:26:11.720
<v Speaker 5>Lack of physical intimacy, right.

0:26:11.640 --> 0:26:15.440
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, well lack of any obviously, any intimacy emotional or physical.

0:26:15.560 --> 0:26:17.440
<v Speaker 2>But I feel like I have I know of people

0:26:17.520 --> 0:26:19.840
<v Speaker 2>that have been married five six seven years. I mean

0:26:19.880 --> 0:26:22.960
<v Speaker 2>they've been married for years and they haven't been intimate

0:26:23.000 --> 0:26:26.240
<v Speaker 2>for five six seven years and they're okay with it.

0:26:26.400 --> 0:26:28.520
<v Speaker 1>I think that's okay.

0:26:28.480 --> 0:26:31.880
<v Speaker 5>That's a really good question, because in twenty five years

0:26:31.880 --> 0:26:35.040
<v Speaker 5>of doing this, I think that's what I've gotten throughout

0:26:35.320 --> 0:26:39.479
<v Speaker 5>no physical intimacy for years and people living in it.

0:26:39.640 --> 0:26:41.879
<v Speaker 5>What I've been getting over say the past year to

0:26:41.920 --> 0:26:44.639
<v Speaker 5>two years is people walking into my office and saying,

0:26:44.880 --> 0:26:47.200
<v Speaker 5>we haven't had sex in five years. I can't live

0:26:47.280 --> 0:26:48.080
<v Speaker 5>like that anymore.

0:26:48.359 --> 0:26:50.800
<v Speaker 2>I know, it's crazy. I hear these stories also because

0:26:50.800 --> 0:26:52.480
<v Speaker 2>you know, I have a lot of friends, I own

0:26:52.480 --> 0:26:53.240
<v Speaker 2>a beauty bar.

0:26:53.280 --> 0:26:54.960
<v Speaker 5>And historically I didn't hear that as much.

0:27:04.880 --> 0:27:07.440
<v Speaker 4>So DN when they come into your office, what's the

0:27:07.520 --> 0:27:10.320
<v Speaker 4>what are the most important questions that people should ask

0:27:10.400 --> 0:27:13.639
<v Speaker 4>considering a divorce, Like give us like three questions.

0:27:14.760 --> 0:27:17.400
<v Speaker 5>I mean I think, look, I think with divorce lawyers,

0:27:18.359 --> 0:27:21.840
<v Speaker 5>you need to I would probably hang on from me.

0:27:22.000 --> 0:27:24.840
<v Speaker 5>I would probably hang on is the lawyer, like like, look,

0:27:24.840 --> 0:27:27.399
<v Speaker 5>there are specific questions you can ask, but like a

0:27:27.400 --> 0:27:29.840
<v Speaker 5>lot of times people don't even know what questions they ask.

0:27:29.880 --> 0:27:31.640
<v Speaker 5>I mean, you can ask like, hey, you know what's

0:27:31.680 --> 0:27:33.280
<v Speaker 5>going to happen with the house and the event of

0:27:33.320 --> 0:27:35.439
<v Speaker 5>a divorce, like what happens with my kids? What do

0:27:35.520 --> 0:27:37.320
<v Speaker 5>I need to gather? What do I need to prove.

0:27:37.440 --> 0:27:41.880
<v Speaker 5>But I think it's more about asking, Like, it's more

0:27:41.920 --> 0:27:44.320
<v Speaker 5>about preparing before you go into the office with the

0:27:44.400 --> 0:27:46.359
<v Speaker 5>questions that you have off the top of your head

0:27:46.680 --> 0:27:50.760
<v Speaker 5>and gauge what people's answers are, what the lawyer's answers are,

0:27:51.200 --> 0:27:53.879
<v Speaker 5>you know, I feel like with lawyers, it's it's important

0:27:53.920 --> 0:27:56.760
<v Speaker 5>to have a full picture, right. So if you walk

0:27:56.840 --> 0:28:01.320
<v Speaker 5>into to you know, work with a dentist, or have

0:28:01.400 --> 0:28:03.960
<v Speaker 5>somebody do you know a medical procedure, or you walk

0:28:04.000 --> 0:28:07.160
<v Speaker 5>in for anything, You're going to be analyzing what does

0:28:07.160 --> 0:28:09.920
<v Speaker 5>the office look like, How does the staff speak to me,

0:28:09.960 --> 0:28:12.400
<v Speaker 5>How do they treat me? How attentive are they when

0:28:12.440 --> 0:28:15.280
<v Speaker 5>I talk to this lawyer, Like do they sound like

0:28:15.320 --> 0:28:17.840
<v Speaker 5>they know what they're talking about? Because funny, when I

0:28:17.880 --> 0:28:21.160
<v Speaker 5>first started practicing as a lawyer, I used to do consults,

0:28:21.280 --> 0:28:23.520
<v Speaker 5>right as you can imagine. And when I would do

0:28:23.520 --> 0:28:25.520
<v Speaker 5>a consult, you know, I tell my boss, I've done

0:28:25.640 --> 0:28:28.719
<v Speaker 5>three or four consults and nobody's hiring me. And then

0:28:28.760 --> 0:28:31.679
<v Speaker 5>when I started doing it longer, everybody was hiring me.

0:28:31.800 --> 0:28:34.520
<v Speaker 5>And I came to the conclusion that you don't need

0:28:34.560 --> 0:28:37.600
<v Speaker 5>to be a lawyer to know when a lawyer's good.

0:28:38.080 --> 0:28:41.320
<v Speaker 5>You don't need to have any specialized legal knowledge because

0:28:41.360 --> 0:28:45.400
<v Speaker 5>when somebody's good at something, they exude confidence. You can

0:28:45.440 --> 0:28:48.239
<v Speaker 5>see it, you can feel it. It's an energy. So

0:28:48.280 --> 0:28:49.320
<v Speaker 5>you got to look for.

0:28:49.240 --> 0:28:51.800
<v Speaker 1>That and do they listen? Right?

0:28:52.880 --> 0:28:55.520
<v Speaker 5>So perfect example, I had a client that came into

0:28:55.560 --> 0:28:57.440
<v Speaker 5>my office maybe about like I don't know, like maybe

0:28:57.480 --> 0:28:59.360
<v Speaker 5>three or four years ago, and they said, you know

0:28:59.440 --> 0:29:01.320
<v Speaker 5>I hired you. I said, because when I went into

0:29:01.360 --> 0:29:04.320
<v Speaker 5>your competitor's office while I was talking to him, he

0:29:04.440 --> 0:29:07.560
<v Speaker 5>was texting on his phone to say, Oh, hell no,

0:29:07.920 --> 0:29:13.280
<v Speaker 5>you gotta be kidding, literally texting, And I'm disgusting. Not

0:29:13.360 --> 0:29:16.280
<v Speaker 5>only is that not a lawyer you would want to hire,

0:29:16.440 --> 0:29:19.200
<v Speaker 5>but that's rude. It's just rude. Even if we were

0:29:19.200 --> 0:29:21.320
<v Speaker 5>having a conversation at the coffee shop, I wouldn't be

0:29:21.360 --> 0:29:21.880
<v Speaker 5>texting live.

0:29:22.320 --> 0:29:25.720
<v Speaker 3>I had a mediator. I hired a mediator to.

0:29:27.320 --> 0:29:32.360
<v Speaker 4>You know, organize my ex husband and I because you know,

0:29:32.400 --> 0:29:34.360
<v Speaker 4>first of all, I didn't want my children.

0:29:34.840 --> 0:29:37.040
<v Speaker 3>So my biggest thing was the house.

0:29:37.120 --> 0:29:39.240
<v Speaker 4>Whatever money was not like I was just that that

0:29:39.360 --> 0:29:41.560
<v Speaker 4>was what I was worried concerned about. I was very

0:29:41.600 --> 0:29:46.760
<v Speaker 4>concerned about my kids and how things would be perceived

0:29:46.840 --> 0:29:50.280
<v Speaker 4>for my kids and my youngest daughter. She went to

0:29:50.400 --> 0:29:54.200
<v Speaker 4>they were they you know, they found out that that uh,

0:29:54.200 --> 0:29:56.000
<v Speaker 4>my ex husband and I were getting divorced, and my

0:29:56.240 --> 0:29:58.640
<v Speaker 4>and they went into talk to my youngest daughter and

0:29:58.680 --> 0:30:00.760
<v Speaker 4>they said, you know, how are you And she goes, oh,

0:30:01.040 --> 0:30:02.160
<v Speaker 4>you know your parents are getting divorced.

0:30:02.160 --> 0:30:02.480
<v Speaker 3>How are you?

0:30:02.520 --> 0:30:05.760
<v Speaker 4>And she goes, oh, my parents are separated, and she goes,

0:30:05.760 --> 0:30:09.480
<v Speaker 4>everything's great and and they're like, no, no, no, you're your

0:30:09.520 --> 0:30:11.760
<v Speaker 4>parents are getting divorced. And she's like, yeah, they're separated.

0:30:11.760 --> 0:30:14.120
<v Speaker 4>They're not They're not getting divorced, so just they're separated.

0:30:14.440 --> 0:30:17.120
<v Speaker 4>She didn't know the difference because she was young, but

0:30:17.160 --> 0:30:19.480
<v Speaker 4>then later on she always says like, mom, I never

0:30:19.600 --> 0:30:22.040
<v Speaker 4>even both of them are like I never even felt

0:30:22.200 --> 0:30:25.320
<v Speaker 4>any of like the aftermath of a divorce because you

0:30:25.480 --> 0:30:30.840
<v Speaker 4>just like like literally just took over. Which was great

0:30:30.880 --> 0:30:32.720
<v Speaker 4>for them, but really really bad for me. It was

0:30:32.840 --> 0:30:34.520
<v Speaker 4>really really difficult for me.

0:30:34.600 --> 0:30:38.560
<v Speaker 3>It was really did or I did not go to therapy?

0:30:38.720 --> 0:30:40.240
<v Speaker 1>I were them your kids?

0:30:40.320 --> 0:30:43.160
<v Speaker 4>No, no, my kids did go to some therapy. But

0:30:43.400 --> 0:30:46.719
<v Speaker 4>literally right after I like, was, you know, how am

0:30:46.720 --> 0:30:48.400
<v Speaker 4>I going to make money? You know now that I

0:30:48.640 --> 0:30:50.200
<v Speaker 4>you know, I'm going to be on my own with

0:30:50.400 --> 0:30:52.640
<v Speaker 4>these two girls and they need to have education.

0:30:52.720 --> 0:30:54.720
<v Speaker 3>What am I going to do? And so I literally

0:30:54.920 --> 0:30:55.440
<v Speaker 3>went on.

0:30:55.320 --> 0:30:59.200
<v Speaker 4>Housewives back when it was like, you know, totally different game,

0:30:59.400 --> 0:31:03.000
<v Speaker 4>and it was it was probably it was probably one

0:31:03.040 --> 0:31:04.880
<v Speaker 4>of the worst decisions that I had made. I mean,

0:31:05.120 --> 0:31:07.040
<v Speaker 4>there was so many great things that happened from being

0:31:07.040 --> 0:31:07.560
<v Speaker 4>a house.

0:31:07.440 --> 0:31:09.960
<v Speaker 1>I can help. Yeah, there was a.

0:31:09.920 --> 0:31:14.160
<v Speaker 4>Paycheck, but it was just I was not prepared emotionally

0:31:14.520 --> 0:31:15.360
<v Speaker 4>for like.

0:31:15.360 --> 0:31:16.040
<v Speaker 3>This is different.

0:31:16.240 --> 0:31:18.480
<v Speaker 4>Like I talked to Cheryl and I like literally have

0:31:18.560 --> 0:31:20.800
<v Speaker 4>cried in front of Cheryl, like I'm like, this is

0:31:20.840 --> 0:31:23.840
<v Speaker 4>like how I'm feeling. And you know, she has a

0:31:23.880 --> 0:31:26.080
<v Speaker 4>lot of empathy and she's you know, and Alexi and

0:31:26.080 --> 0:31:27.840
<v Speaker 4>I don't know each other that well, but I can,

0:31:28.200 --> 0:31:30.840
<v Speaker 4>you know, I just from hearing her story, I feel

0:31:30.880 --> 0:31:32.560
<v Speaker 4>comfortable talking to her.

0:31:32.560 --> 0:31:35.520
<v Speaker 3>And obviously you're a lawyer, but you know, when I was.

0:31:35.480 --> 0:31:37.400
<v Speaker 4>On that show, I did not feel comfortable talking to

0:31:37.480 --> 0:31:38.520
<v Speaker 4>them about anything.

0:31:39.320 --> 0:31:41.560
<v Speaker 2>It's hard. I'm on that show, Kelly, as you know,

0:31:41.680 --> 0:31:42.440
<v Speaker 2>and it is hard.

0:31:42.560 --> 0:31:43.960
<v Speaker 3>There's just no camaraderie.

0:31:43.960 --> 0:31:47.240
<v Speaker 2>And they were, oh, you know, I've been lucky enough

0:31:47.240 --> 0:31:49.200
<v Speaker 2>that I have a best friend online, but like when

0:31:49.200 --> 0:31:51.800
<v Speaker 2>you did it, I felt like back in the day, right, Kelly,

0:31:51.840 --> 0:31:53.560
<v Speaker 2>I felt the same because you know, our show started

0:31:53.600 --> 0:31:56.120
<v Speaker 2>in twenty ten. I know year started before. But with

0:31:56.240 --> 0:31:58.280
<v Speaker 2>that being said, back in the day, it was like

0:31:58.320 --> 0:32:00.600
<v Speaker 2>everybody was so against each other. I think it's not

0:32:00.680 --> 0:32:03.040
<v Speaker 2>a little better, it's still you still it will see

0:32:03.080 --> 0:32:05.400
<v Speaker 2>that a lot awful. But I'm lucky enough that I

0:32:05.440 --> 0:32:07.640
<v Speaker 2>have my best friend on the show. So like I

0:32:08.120 --> 0:32:10.440
<v Speaker 2>knew Lucky at her, I did not very lucky.

0:32:10.360 --> 0:32:11.080
<v Speaker 3>It had no I.

0:32:11.160 --> 0:32:14.000
<v Speaker 4>Literally knew Luan. Like for a second at from a party,

0:32:14.000 --> 0:32:17.120
<v Speaker 4>I didn't knew no one. And so for me just

0:32:17.200 --> 0:32:20.320
<v Speaker 4>going into that knowing that I needed to make money

0:32:20.320 --> 0:32:22.000
<v Speaker 4>and knowing that I need to provide for my kids,

0:32:22.360 --> 0:32:24.880
<v Speaker 4>and going into that after having a.

0:32:24.880 --> 0:32:27.480
<v Speaker 3>Mediator, it was just it was very stressful.

0:32:27.560 --> 0:32:30.040
<v Speaker 4>So I kind of I wish there was someone who

0:32:30.080 --> 0:32:33.720
<v Speaker 4>can say, like men or women, like you're getting divorced,

0:32:33.840 --> 0:32:35.760
<v Speaker 4>you know, here the here First of all, here are

0:32:35.760 --> 0:32:39.280
<v Speaker 4>the questions to ask me, and then afterwards, like what

0:32:39.320 --> 0:32:41.880
<v Speaker 4>are you going to do to start your new life?

0:32:41.960 --> 0:32:45.040
<v Speaker 2>Well, everyone's situation is very different, O Kelly. Yeah, everyone's

0:32:45.040 --> 0:32:46.400
<v Speaker 2>situation is very different.

0:32:46.880 --> 0:32:49.720
<v Speaker 1>When does somebody hire a divorce attorney? Do you do

0:32:49.800 --> 0:32:53.640
<v Speaker 1>this like when you're like still technically married before you've

0:32:53.640 --> 0:32:56.920
<v Speaker 1>made the decision to separate, or or what is your advice?

0:32:57.080 --> 0:32:58.760
<v Speaker 5>I mean, I think, Look, you talked to a divorce

0:32:58.840 --> 0:33:01.200
<v Speaker 5>lawyer as early on as you can. I think that's

0:33:01.240 --> 0:33:03.520
<v Speaker 5>the most important thing, because you know, and I tell

0:33:03.640 --> 0:33:04.959
<v Speaker 5>clients when they go into lawyers ze.

0:33:05.000 --> 0:33:07.080
<v Speaker 2>So what does that mean as you're still living together.

0:33:07.480 --> 0:33:09.760
<v Speaker 5>Let's put it this way. If you've ever had the

0:33:09.920 --> 0:33:13.320
<v Speaker 5>idea cross your mind of divorce, if you've ever said

0:33:13.360 --> 0:33:16.560
<v Speaker 5>it in a conversation in anger or otherwise, you should

0:33:16.560 --> 0:33:21.320
<v Speaker 5>talk to a divorce lawyer behind you. Of course, of

0:33:21.360 --> 0:33:23.200
<v Speaker 5>course people do it all the time, and I will

0:33:23.240 --> 0:33:25.200
<v Speaker 5>tell you so. So I'll share a no story with

0:33:25.240 --> 0:33:29.880
<v Speaker 5>you represented a a stay at home mom. You know, God,

0:33:30.040 --> 0:33:32.960
<v Speaker 5>maybe about ten years ago. Now she's in the office.

0:33:33.600 --> 0:33:35.840
<v Speaker 5>Oh he would never know I was here, blah blah blah.

0:33:36.080 --> 0:33:40.120
<v Speaker 5>Find out throughout the course of the litigation. Two years later.

0:33:40.440 --> 0:33:45.200
<v Speaker 5>He talked to a lawyer eight months earlier than she did. So,

0:33:45.200 --> 0:33:48.480
<v Speaker 5>so when you think that they haven't spoken with anybody,

0:33:48.720 --> 0:33:49.080
<v Speaker 5>this is.

0:33:49.040 --> 0:33:52.360
<v Speaker 1>Part of the protect yourself first, like first.

0:33:52.200 --> 0:33:54.040
<v Speaker 3>Or you know what happens in New York and Dennis,

0:33:54.040 --> 0:33:55.360
<v Speaker 3>you it is that.

0:33:55.400 --> 0:33:57.880
<v Speaker 4>What happens is that a lot of people they go

0:33:58.080 --> 0:34:01.280
<v Speaker 4>and they talk to every single lawyer and so.

0:34:01.320 --> 0:34:04.440
<v Speaker 5>Then conflict them out. That's a that's a dirty trick,

0:34:04.480 --> 0:34:05.080
<v Speaker 5>it really is.

0:34:05.440 --> 0:34:07.720
<v Speaker 2>Why can't you just like sit down with your partner

0:34:07.840 --> 0:34:11.560
<v Speaker 2>before before going behind their back and having that conversation

0:34:11.760 --> 0:34:15.520
<v Speaker 2>you know you're here encouraging its situation situational? Well, I

0:34:15.560 --> 0:34:18.040
<v Speaker 2>mean that sounds like it's pretty bad. I mean, I

0:34:18.080 --> 0:34:19.759
<v Speaker 2>feel like if you have to leave, you have to

0:34:19.760 --> 0:34:22.560
<v Speaker 2>go see an attorney, and you know you can't you

0:34:22.600 --> 0:34:26.080
<v Speaker 2>haven't had that conversation with your spouse. I think it's

0:34:26.239 --> 0:34:29.400
<v Speaker 2>it's a betrayal. I honestly do. I mean, and for me,

0:34:29.600 --> 0:34:32.560
<v Speaker 2>I mean not a betrayal because it hasn't happened. But

0:34:32.640 --> 0:34:34.759
<v Speaker 2>what I'm trying to say is if you feel the

0:34:34.800 --> 0:34:36.760
<v Speaker 2>need that you have to go see an attorney before

0:34:36.800 --> 0:34:40.719
<v Speaker 2>sitting down with your wife and having that conversation, just

0:34:40.719 --> 0:34:42.359
<v Speaker 2>like you had it about their premium.

0:34:42.320 --> 0:34:45.600
<v Speaker 1>What if you can't have a conversation, well, stand up, No, No,

0:34:45.600 --> 0:34:47.560
<v Speaker 1>I don't mean it literal like that. I don't mean

0:34:47.600 --> 0:34:49.960
<v Speaker 1>it literal like what if you've already tried to the

0:34:50.000 --> 0:34:52.080
<v Speaker 1>point where like you've gone a couple's therapy. But then

0:34:52.440 --> 0:34:55.640
<v Speaker 1>let's say someone it's the act of infidelity. Right, let's

0:34:55.640 --> 0:34:57.280
<v Speaker 1>just say that this is the situation.

0:34:57.400 --> 0:34:59.160
<v Speaker 2>Well, then you're ready for divorce and that's a deal

0:34:59.200 --> 0:35:01.440
<v Speaker 2>breaker for you. But think that you both should know.

0:35:01.520 --> 0:35:03.440
<v Speaker 2>And by the way, okay, you cheated on me, so

0:35:03.560 --> 0:35:04.880
<v Speaker 2>you know we're going for divorce.

0:35:05.040 --> 0:35:07.319
<v Speaker 1>And for the person though who makes the most money

0:35:07.440 --> 0:35:11.000
<v Speaker 1>has to sometimes, like I think, in California at least

0:35:11.440 --> 0:35:14.640
<v Speaker 1>you have to almost hire the attorney for your spouse.

0:35:14.719 --> 0:35:15.560
<v Speaker 1>Is that correct?

0:35:15.920 --> 0:35:17.880
<v Speaker 5>Well, in New York State, I mean, you know there

0:35:17.960 --> 0:35:22.000
<v Speaker 5>is an attorneys space. Yeah, but again I think California

0:35:22.040 --> 0:35:24.239
<v Speaker 5>may be the same. But I think, look, I think

0:35:24.320 --> 0:35:27.360
<v Speaker 5>just just to your point, just to your point, if

0:35:27.440 --> 0:35:31.360
<v Speaker 5>you're thinking about divorce and you're saying these things in

0:35:31.400 --> 0:35:36.240
<v Speaker 5>conversations or it's crossing your life, you should absolutely talk

0:35:36.360 --> 0:35:38.960
<v Speaker 5>to them about the problems first. Yeah. And if, like

0:35:38.960 --> 0:35:41.279
<v Speaker 5>you said, if they're in a position where they're that

0:35:41.360 --> 0:35:43.600
<v Speaker 5>person where it's like, hey, I'm gonna stonewall you or

0:35:43.640 --> 0:35:48.840
<v Speaker 5>i'm gonna place blame you. Try you get a professional involved.

0:35:49.080 --> 0:35:51.840
<v Speaker 5>You maybe go to a marriage counselor not. Maybe probably

0:35:51.880 --> 0:35:54.279
<v Speaker 5>go to a marriage counselor or someone you feel like

0:35:54.320 --> 0:35:57.080
<v Speaker 5>you can trust and if and if they're because listen,

0:35:57.640 --> 0:36:01.240
<v Speaker 5>in my experience, especially when the women that I represent,

0:36:01.840 --> 0:36:05.400
<v Speaker 5>that marriage has been over four years before they.

0:36:05.239 --> 0:36:07.080
<v Speaker 2>Come into my office, it's usually like that.

0:36:07.440 --> 0:36:09.719
<v Speaker 5>So they've they've tried, and they've tried, and they've tried,

0:36:09.719 --> 0:36:11.440
<v Speaker 5>and they've tried, and there have been conversations, or they

0:36:11.440 --> 0:36:14.040
<v Speaker 5>get stonewall, or there's worse yet, there's domestic violence.

0:36:14.120 --> 0:36:16.240
<v Speaker 2>Like no, I feel like you should just tell the person.

0:36:16.560 --> 0:36:18.520
<v Speaker 2>By the way, we're getting divorced and I'm going to

0:36:18.560 --> 0:36:20.200
<v Speaker 2>an attorney. That's just me personally.

0:36:20.560 --> 0:36:22.840
<v Speaker 1>Do women or men hire first?

0:36:22.920 --> 0:36:23.040
<v Speaker 6>Like?

0:36:23.040 --> 0:36:24.000
<v Speaker 1>What are the stats?

0:36:24.040 --> 0:36:28.160
<v Speaker 5>They're like, I don't know the specific status women.

0:36:28.280 --> 0:36:30.960
<v Speaker 2>I've actually read women are the ones that file more

0:36:31.000 --> 0:36:31.359
<v Speaker 2>than men.

0:36:31.719 --> 0:36:34.840
<v Speaker 5>I would probably say there's a couple of different things. Yes, Alexi,

0:36:34.840 --> 0:36:37.640
<v Speaker 5>you one hundred percent right. Women file more than men

0:36:37.719 --> 0:36:40.600
<v Speaker 5>to the tune of about sixty five seventy percent or so.

0:36:41.719 --> 0:36:44.719
<v Speaker 5>But the funny part about it is most of those

0:36:44.800 --> 0:36:48.040
<v Speaker 5>same women have given me signs throughout that the relationship

0:36:48.040 --> 0:36:51.239
<v Speaker 5>has been over for years. I think a lot tis right.

0:36:51.320 --> 0:36:54.160
<v Speaker 2>Well, right, okay, So Dennis, let me ask you something

0:36:54.280 --> 0:36:58.400
<v Speaker 2>does trial separation always equal divorce or do you see

0:36:58.440 --> 0:36:59.560
<v Speaker 2>like people reconciling.

0:37:00.320 --> 0:37:05.760
<v Speaker 5>I see people reconciling more frequently midstream of divorce litigation

0:37:06.040 --> 0:37:10.680
<v Speaker 5>than I do in trial separations. The trial separations I

0:37:10.880 --> 0:37:14.520
<v Speaker 5>find is one partner knows they want to be divorced,

0:37:14.800 --> 0:37:16.759
<v Speaker 5>and the only way they're going to get the other

0:37:16.920 --> 0:37:19.640
<v Speaker 5>side to forgive the expression but play ball with the

0:37:19.719 --> 0:37:23.400
<v Speaker 5>process to not make it long drawn out, is to say, oh, well,

0:37:23.440 --> 0:37:26.040
<v Speaker 5>we may get back together again. It's just a trial separation.

0:37:26.080 --> 0:37:27.719
<v Speaker 5>It's the only way they can sell it to them.

0:37:27.719 --> 0:37:29.840
<v Speaker 5>In fact, I had a conversation about that just today

0:37:30.120 --> 0:37:31.920
<v Speaker 5>with one of my associates about a case that we have,

0:37:32.000 --> 0:37:35.440
<v Speaker 5>and and you know, look, people do what they need

0:37:35.480 --> 0:37:38.960
<v Speaker 5>to do because every situation is specific, it's its own thing.

0:37:39.280 --> 0:37:41.799
<v Speaker 5>They do what they need to do to get through it.

0:37:41.840 --> 0:37:44.200
<v Speaker 5>And Kelly, as you said, it's you know, these are

0:37:44.239 --> 0:37:48.920
<v Speaker 5>tough processes. There's no perfect path or right answer. You

0:37:49.000 --> 0:37:50.839
<v Speaker 5>just do the best you can to get through it.

0:37:51.280 --> 0:37:53.080
<v Speaker 5>You know, you want to try to get out, to

0:37:53.160 --> 0:37:55.279
<v Speaker 5>come out on the other side with you know, your

0:37:55.360 --> 0:37:58.120
<v Speaker 5>kids intact. Because I find with ladies that tends to

0:37:58.200 --> 0:38:01.200
<v Speaker 5>be their focus, like more more than the guys like

0:38:01.320 --> 0:38:05.879
<v Speaker 5>kids are everything or sure could be, and yourself only

0:38:06.000 --> 0:38:08.520
<v Speaker 5>always comes second, unfortunately, but yourself too.

0:38:09.200 --> 0:38:10.719
<v Speaker 1>My dog comes first, so I get it.

0:38:11.800 --> 0:38:13.359
<v Speaker 5>I have three of my own, so I get it.

0:38:13.440 --> 0:38:15.240
<v Speaker 1>This is a great place for us to take a pause.

0:38:15.480 --> 0:38:18.680
<v Speaker 1>So do you guys have any questions about divorce? Are

0:38:18.719 --> 0:38:21.680
<v Speaker 1>you guys looking for advice now that your relationship or

0:38:21.680 --> 0:38:25.120
<v Speaker 1>marriage is over? Call us or email us, follow us

0:38:25.160 --> 0:38:28.440
<v Speaker 1>on socials. All the information will be in the show notes,

0:38:28.520 --> 0:38:32.239
<v Speaker 1>so make sure to rate and review the podcast I

0:38:32.400 --> 0:38:35.960
<v Speaker 1>Do Part two and iHeartRadio podcast where falling in love

0:38:36.200 --> 0:38:37.360
<v Speaker 1>is the main objective.