WEBVTT - "Sexual Repression" w/ Adam Conover 0:00:19.900 --> 0:00:22.930 Podcast starts now. What is up, everyone around the globe? 0:00:22.950 --> 0:00:24.050 You're listening to Stradio Lab. 0:00:24.130 --> 0:00:26.650 Another batch of Los Angeles recordings is coming to an end. 0:00:27.130 --> 0:00:27.889 Another batch. 0:00:28.030 --> 0:00:29.070 How has it felt for you? 0:00:29.650 --> 0:00:31.290 It's felt... I've had a really good time in LA 0:00:31.330 --> 0:00:32.330 this time around, I have to say. 0:00:32.590 --> 0:00:34.229 Yeah. Short and sweet. I feel. 0:00:34.920 --> 0:00:38.130 just really like enveloped by the sun in a beautiful way. 0:00:38.150 --> 0:00:43.690 Like it really lends still my sunshine is playing every 0:00:43.729 --> 0:00:46.550 time I leave my beautiful apartment where I live with 0:00:46.670 --> 0:00:47.729 six of our closest friends. 0:00:48.030 --> 0:00:49.750 Of course, that building where everyone lives. 0:00:49.770 --> 0:00:54.400 Yeah, that building. I'm just, you know, I'm subletting our 0:00:54.440 --> 0:00:59.100 friend Peter's place, which is just like a quintessential one bedroom. 0:00:59.120 --> 0:01:01.240 And I'm like, oh, this is why I'm depressed when 0:01:01.280 --> 0:01:03.570 I stay like at a hotel. With a mini fridge. 0:01:03.810 --> 0:01:04.050 Yeah. 0:01:04.250 --> 0:01:08.440 It's because I feel disgusting. So I'm feeling amazing. We're 0:01:08.450 --> 0:01:09.860 going to Baby Bistro after this. 0:01:10.040 --> 0:01:10.320 That's true. 0:01:10.340 --> 0:01:14.680 Not to dox us. Well, the menu is looking quite small. 0:01:14.740 --> 0:01:16.360 Comedically small, I would argue. 0:01:16.380 --> 0:01:18.660 I'm almost like, hello, is this page zero? 0:01:18.700 --> 0:01:21.140 Well, I was sort of like, is this a restaurant? Yeah. 0:01:21.240 --> 0:01:22.860 Or am I just being trapped? 0:01:23.380 --> 0:01:25.270 Well, I'm also, not to be such a carnivore, but 0:01:25.280 --> 0:01:28.410 I'm like, is there meat? Well, I was like. 0:01:29.220 --> 0:01:30.930 Like how much bread are we going to be ordering? 0:01:30.990 --> 0:01:31.550 Yeah. 0:01:32.030 --> 0:01:34.560 It's that thing. It's almost a trope from the 90s, 0:01:34.569 --> 0:01:36.910 I would argue. It's like the fancy restaurant where you 0:01:36.950 --> 0:01:40.649 have to get a slice of pizza afterwards. But this 0:01:40.690 --> 0:01:42.890 time I really think we will be doing that. And 0:01:43.110 --> 0:01:45.729 I also think, you know, I did text you, where 0:01:45.750 --> 0:01:48.530 do you want to get dinner? Some options. And I said, 0:01:48.550 --> 0:01:51.590 you know, the menu for Baby Bistro is comedically small. 0:01:51.910 --> 0:01:53.410 And you said Baby Bistro it is. 0:01:53.510 --> 0:01:55.530 You know what's happening with us is we're in like 0:01:56.190 --> 0:02:00.180 a war of the, wills or something like where both 0:02:00.220 --> 0:02:02.810 of us clearly, both of us clearly like want the 0:02:02.890 --> 0:02:05.410 other to be like, both of us want the other 0:02:05.470 --> 0:02:07.930 one to be like, eh, the menu's too small. Let's 0:02:07.950 --> 0:02:10.030 go somewhere else. But we don't want to be the 0:02:10.130 --> 0:02:13.510 one who's like, oh, I'm sort of like, I'm not classy. 0:02:13.610 --> 0:02:13.710 Yeah. 0:02:13.730 --> 0:02:17.350 I'm not classy. Uh, I can't have just like half 0:02:17.370 --> 0:02:20.470 a halibut. Yeah. No, I think it'll be good. It'll 0:02:20.500 --> 0:02:22.500 be a good experience for us to force ourselves to 0:02:22.540 --> 0:02:22.860 do this. 0:02:23.139 --> 0:02:23.840 It'll be good. 0:02:24.100 --> 0:02:25.160 We can have a burger anytime. 0:02:27.530 --> 0:02:30.590 Well, I want to say, I apologize. I know it's 0:02:30.669 --> 0:02:34.400 my role to say, let's not do this. Let's just 0:02:34.419 --> 0:02:37.410 go get burritos. It is your role. 0:02:38.010 --> 0:02:39.630 And it is my role to want to go to 0:02:39.650 --> 0:02:41.730 the Baby Bistro place. But I think this will be 0:02:41.750 --> 0:02:42.470 a good learning experience. 0:02:42.490 --> 0:02:43.490 It'll be a really good learning experience. 0:02:43.790 --> 0:02:45.570 And a nice little send off to me before I 0:02:45.610 --> 0:02:46.620 go off to beautiful Seattle. 0:02:46.810 --> 0:02:49.800 Baby Bistro is a place. Nothing but love. Haven't been there. 0:02:50.100 --> 0:02:51.180 It might be amazing. 0:02:51.240 --> 0:02:52.660 It might be incredible. But it's one of those places 0:02:52.680 --> 0:02:54.320 where I just want to say I have been there. 0:02:54.360 --> 0:02:54.720 Exactly. 0:02:54.860 --> 0:02:56.519 I don't necessarily want to go there, but I do 0:02:56.540 --> 0:02:57.600 want to say I have been there. 0:02:57.639 --> 0:02:58.840 There is something else that I have been. It's much 0:02:58.860 --> 0:03:01.079 like basement in New York. There is something else that 0:03:01.100 --> 0:03:04.650 I have been fearing. It might be wine only. 0:03:05.210 --> 0:03:07.150 Oh, I know this to be true. Okay. I prepared. 0:03:07.169 --> 0:03:07.809 Okay, good. 0:03:08.730 --> 0:03:09.109 Mentally. 0:03:09.889 --> 0:03:13.620 Let's bring in our guest. And then- We can explain more. 0:03:13.750 --> 0:03:16.580 I'll tell our guest, Adam Conover, the reason why it is- Please. 0:03:16.460 --> 0:03:16.960 Welcome Adam Conover. 0:03:17.020 --> 0:03:17.820 Please welcome Adam Conover. 0:03:17.840 --> 0:03:19.019 I was biting my tongue. 0:03:19.040 --> 0:03:22.820 Please welcome Adam Conover. His special is out now, based 0:03:22.880 --> 0:03:23.799 on when this is coming out. 0:03:24.000 --> 0:03:24.280 Yes. 0:03:24.320 --> 0:03:25.079 It's on YouTube. 0:03:25.100 --> 0:03:28.240 It's on my YouTube channel, yes. It's called Big Divorce Energy. 0:03:28.260 --> 0:03:30.410 Big Divorce Energy. We have both watched it. 0:03:30.480 --> 0:03:31.709 That's true. Oh! We watched it. 0:03:31.820 --> 0:03:35.260 I watched it today. Thank you. And we actually... Should 0:03:35.300 --> 0:03:36.800 have asked the soft mic, but of course I wanna 0:03:36.820 --> 0:03:39.720 know who the celebrity at the sex parties is. Has 0:03:40.000 --> 0:03:41.400 everyone been asking you that? 0:03:41.520 --> 0:03:45.420 You guys were the first ones to see that joke 0:03:45.680 --> 0:03:46.500 in the special. 0:03:46.620 --> 0:03:48.040 So it is gonna be in there, bleep. It is 0:03:48.060 --> 0:03:48.830 gonna be in there, bleep. 0:03:48.870 --> 0:03:53.550 So what happened was, yes, I was told a story about, 0:03:54.070 --> 0:03:55.670 I was on a date with a woman, and she 0:03:55.710 --> 0:03:57.380 told me she saw a celebrity at a sex party, 0:03:57.820 --> 0:04:00.600 and I did that joke on the road. The premise 0:04:00.620 --> 0:04:03.060 of the joke being, as you guys saw, wouldn't it 0:04:03.080 --> 0:04:05.130 be hard to be at a sex party if you're recognized? 0:04:05.230 --> 0:04:07.870 And she goes, well, no, everyone's very discreet. And I'm like, well, 0:04:07.890 --> 0:04:08.490 you just told me. 0:04:08.590 --> 0:04:09.330 That's the core of the joke. 0:04:09.370 --> 0:04:10.790 And you're telling an entire audience, of course. 0:04:10.810 --> 0:04:12.190 Exactly, I'm telling an entire audience. 0:04:12.620 --> 0:04:14.060 And so I was doing that on the road and 0:04:14.100 --> 0:04:16.060 you know, you start out doing a joke with that 0:04:16.100 --> 0:04:17.900 in a basement somewhere and you're like, okay, it's just 0:04:17.980 --> 0:04:19.440 us here. And then eventually you're doing it in like 0:04:19.480 --> 0:04:20.860 a theater and you're like, okay. 0:04:21.240 --> 0:04:22.920 And I was like, I can't put it in the special. 0:04:23.339 --> 0:04:25.820 And then right before we taped it, I realized, oh, 0:04:26.160 --> 0:04:28.779 I can, I'd gotten the habit of going, do you 0:04:28.800 --> 0:04:30.120 guys want to hear a joke I can't do in 0:04:30.140 --> 0:04:30.620 the special? 0:04:30.700 --> 0:04:32.610 And then crowds loved that, right? Cause they were like, 0:04:32.760 --> 0:04:33.430 oh yeah, that's great. 0:04:34.650 --> 0:04:36.770 And then I realized like the day of I can 0:04:36.830 --> 0:04:38.510 bleep it and it'll be even better. 0:04:39.540 --> 0:04:41.220 So we taped it, we edited the special. 0:04:41.580 --> 0:04:44.680 And then I literally just realized like a couple days 0:04:44.779 --> 0:04:48.100 before we finalized the cut, the editor had forgotten to 0:04:48.160 --> 0:04:51.570 put it in because I had said on stage, I 0:04:51.589 --> 0:04:53.270 can't put it in the special. And I hadn't noticed 0:04:53.290 --> 0:04:54.930 the joke wasn't in there. Cause you don't notice what 0:04:54.970 --> 0:04:58.650 isn't in. And so I literally opened the edit back up. 0:04:58.810 --> 0:05:01.270 I like, we went back to the mixer and said, 0:05:01.290 --> 0:05:03.880 you have to reconform that. He's like, this is going 0:05:03.900 --> 0:05:05.700 to be extra hours. I'm like, that's fine. I really 0:05:05.720 --> 0:05:08.659 want that joke to be in there. for exactly this reason, 0:05:08.680 --> 0:05:10.219 which is it'll get people talking. 0:05:10.400 --> 0:05:11.300 Oh, it's so juicy. 0:05:11.339 --> 0:05:14.740 You know what you're doing. Especially because the joke ends 0:05:14.820 --> 0:05:17.520 with you saying, like, now I'll think of that every 0:05:17.560 --> 0:05:20.279 time I see a bleep commercial. So it is someone 0:05:20.300 --> 0:05:22.900 that is big enough to be in a, like, widely 0:05:22.960 --> 0:05:23.760 known commercial. 0:05:23.800 --> 0:05:26.620 You saw the Geico gecko at a sex party. 0:05:27.170 --> 0:05:30.290 It is a, I'll tell you, I'll give you a tidbit, 0:05:30.310 --> 0:05:31.909 because I can't come on the show and not give 0:05:31.950 --> 0:05:32.510 you something. 0:05:32.550 --> 0:05:33.270 Thank you. 0:05:33.450 --> 0:05:36.110 It's a major car brand. It's someone who's associated with 0:05:36.130 --> 0:05:36.850 a major car brand. 0:05:37.360 --> 0:05:39.700 And I think what's gonna happen is- People are gonna 0:05:39.740 --> 0:05:40.900 figure this out in like two seconds. 0:05:40.940 --> 0:05:42.560 It's gonna be found out in one second. And a 0:05:42.560 --> 0:05:45.140 couple thousand people saw me do it. Oh, that's the thing, yeah. Oh, right, 0:05:45.180 --> 0:05:45.930 they can just share. 0:05:45.960 --> 0:05:48.810 And they'll say in the comments. But like, I felt 0:05:49.290 --> 0:05:52.790 to the person who told me the story, I was like, 0:05:53.150 --> 0:05:56.860 I don't want to say the name because it wasn't 0:05:56.900 --> 0:05:57.780 my experience. 0:05:57.800 --> 0:05:59.900 It was her experience. And she knows I. 0:05:59.880 --> 0:06:03.190 Told the story, but I was like, is it cool 0:06:03.200 --> 0:06:04.580 if I tell the story and I'm gonna bleep the name? 0:06:04.620 --> 0:06:05.589 And she said, yeah, that's totally fine. 0:06:05.850 --> 0:06:09.750 So that's my deal is I'm not gonna voluntarily divulge it. 0:06:09.990 --> 0:06:14.690 I mean, I will say you learn so many insane 0:06:14.750 --> 0:06:20.540 pieces of gossip about, famous people so easily. It's just 0:06:20.570 --> 0:06:23.440 like the things I know would get me killed. And 0:06:23.500 --> 0:06:26.919 it's like, I'm not even so actively seeking out this 0:06:26.960 --> 0:06:30.210 kind of gossip. I know which New York Times journalists 0:06:30.270 --> 0:06:30.710 are poly. 0:06:32.810 --> 0:06:36.460 I mean, every celebrity that's closeted here, I know. I 0:06:36.520 --> 0:06:37.779 also know that one. 0:06:37.820 --> 0:06:41.440 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Every celebrity that's closeted, closeted celebrities that 0:06:41.500 --> 0:06:45.060 have boyfriends that are also famous and people like the 0:06:45.100 --> 0:06:45.900 public doesn't know. 0:06:46.830 --> 0:06:48.210 They'll shout it to you at the street. 0:06:48.290 --> 0:06:49.650 They'll shout it to you at the street. It's crazy. 0:06:50.430 --> 0:06:53.670 And I'm so confused why you're not allowed. I'm like, 0:06:54.110 --> 0:06:57.160 is the legal, is somebody threatening you if you start 0:06:57.180 --> 0:06:59.180 to share it? I'm like, what's the deal? But because 0:06:59.220 --> 0:07:01.020 no one else has shared it publicly, I'm like, so 0:07:01.060 --> 0:07:02.040 I guess I can't share it? 0:07:02.040 --> 0:07:07.370 In a weird way, people have tact. Somehow, despite the 0:07:07.410 --> 0:07:10.630 fact that we live in such a demonic world, somehow 0:07:10.680 --> 0:07:12.820 people are like, well, it would be uncouth to say that. 0:07:12.840 --> 0:07:16.220 I'll tell you why I think it is. That is true, 0:07:16.740 --> 0:07:18.640 but also- Very positive, optimistic read. 0:07:19.320 --> 0:07:22.780 The only reason you gossip, when you gossip about someone, 0:07:22.880 --> 0:07:24.260 you place yourself below them. 0:07:24.580 --> 0:07:27.300 Yes, true. You act as though you're. 0:07:27.200 --> 0:07:29.140 Above them, but you place yourself below them because they're 0:07:29.160 --> 0:07:31.900 an object of you talking about, right? But we all 0:07:31.940 --> 0:07:34.410 know as a person walking around, it's not fair to 0:07:34.450 --> 0:07:36.710 be gossiped about because people don't know us. So the 0:07:36.750 --> 0:07:39.030 only way that someone will gossip is if you think 0:07:39.050 --> 0:07:42.340 of that person as being like a person on television, 0:07:42.360 --> 0:07:44.580 like a picture on the screen and not a person. 0:07:45.100 --> 0:07:48.440 So you are then saying, I am not a person 0:07:48.490 --> 0:07:51.030 of their level. I see them on television and that's 0:07:51.050 --> 0:07:53.370 why I get, or they're the popular kid at my school, right? 0:07:53.390 --> 0:07:54.250 Very much so. 0:07:54.530 --> 0:07:56.470 And the reason people don't talk about it on podcasts 0:07:56.930 --> 0:07:59.810 is because we're all entertainers and we all think, well, 0:07:59.980 --> 0:08:02.580 we're not below those people. If I were to gossip 0:08:02.640 --> 0:08:06.760 about so-and-so, then I'd be saying that they are not 0:08:06.780 --> 0:08:09.240 a real person to me. And once in a while, 0:08:09.320 --> 0:08:12.950 I'll hear a comic, I'll see a comic who made 0:08:13.590 --> 0:08:16.130 an offhanded comment about me online. And sometimes my reaction 0:08:16.150 --> 0:08:18.070 is like, we're both comics, why would you say that? 0:08:18.470 --> 0:08:20.510 And then I go, oh, because they think of me 0:08:21.170 --> 0:08:24.280 not as a peer. They think of me as a, 0:08:25.540 --> 0:08:25.780 you know. 0:08:25.860 --> 0:08:28.380 Well, it depends what kind of complex you have, because 0:08:28.400 --> 0:08:32.000 I think- Yeah. something that's generally challenging about the whole 0:08:32.040 --> 0:08:35.980 punching up, punching down framework is that everyone has a 0:08:36.200 --> 0:08:39.839 different subjective idea of who is higher and who is lower. 0:08:40.040 --> 0:08:42.640 Like I can think I am punching up at someone 0:08:42.679 --> 0:08:46.660 because they are like more rich than me, but they 0:08:46.740 --> 0:08:50.560 think they're like an anonymous citizen and I have a podcast. 0:08:50.600 --> 0:08:53.280 So they think that it's punching down because I have 0:08:53.320 --> 0:08:56.290 a platform. Or like, I can think if I'm a 0:08:56.370 --> 0:09:00.520 man who believes that men are that feminism has attacked men. 0:09:00.540 --> 0:09:04.100 I think it's punching up to talk about like a feminist, 0:09:04.120 --> 0:09:06.840 you know what I mean? Like it just, it's completely 0:09:06.880 --> 0:09:10.070 in your own head. So I'm just, every time, someone 0:09:10.090 --> 0:09:11.530 tries to make an argument that something's punching up or 0:09:11.570 --> 0:09:13.650 punching down. I'm like, you're not going to win that argument. 0:09:13.670 --> 0:09:14.430 Not for them. 0:09:14.490 --> 0:09:16.650 Where do you think this is? It's subjective. 0:09:16.910 --> 0:09:19.510 And in our own minds, we're all just a little guy. 0:09:19.610 --> 0:09:20.610 Completely. 0:09:20.670 --> 0:09:23.370 So no one could ever punch me, but I can 0:09:23.429 --> 0:09:27.990 punch everybody. And that is the perspective of gossip, period. 0:09:28.110 --> 0:09:29.110 Like that is all. 0:09:29.570 --> 0:09:32.189 So, and that's, you know, why we don't do it 0:09:32.230 --> 0:09:35.000 that much. It is funny though, when you hear, cause 0:09:35.010 --> 0:09:36.580 you know, gossip like starts. 0:09:36.320 --> 0:09:38.800 In LA and also in New York to a certain extent. 0:09:38.860 --> 0:09:42.620 And so- sometimes you'll realize that you feel the reverberation 0:09:42.679 --> 0:09:47.760 sooner than other people. I remember visiting a friend and 0:09:47.800 --> 0:09:48.300 they were like. 0:09:48.320 --> 0:09:50.339 You know, I love that Ted Lasso, but I heard 0:09:50.380 --> 0:09:53.210 that Jason Sudeikis is actually a little mean. And I 0:09:53.230 --> 0:09:55.390 was like, yeah. 0:09:55.770 --> 0:09:57.630 People been talking about that shit for years. 0:09:57.670 --> 0:10:00.980 That's baked in. You didn't, you know. like whatever. 0:10:01.100 --> 0:10:03.760 I mean, again, with the closeted thing, I have a 0:10:03.780 --> 0:10:08.110 similar experience where like, it's like people that everyone knows 0:10:08.179 --> 0:10:10.330 it is a completely open secret. Then your cousin will 0:10:10.350 --> 0:10:12.770 be like, what? He's my celebrity crush. 0:10:14.530 --> 0:10:17.920 No, it's, it's crazy. But I will say it feels 0:10:17.960 --> 0:10:20.170 so powerful when you get to break that news to someone. 0:10:20.190 --> 0:10:21.270 Yeah, it's true. 0:10:21.309 --> 0:10:27.290 To shatter someone's squeaky clean reputation. I get to be like, see, 0:10:27.309 --> 0:10:28.540 I am in the business. 0:10:28.559 --> 0:10:31.640 Well, I heard the thing. 0:10:31.920 --> 0:10:35.630 Of course, then it gets... For example, Jennifer Lopez, everyone 0:10:35.650 --> 0:10:37.670 says she's a nightmare to work with, but I have 0:10:37.690 --> 0:10:41.050 decided that I'm her one defender. I'm like, I bet 0:10:41.070 --> 0:10:42.929 you there's some sexism going on here. 0:10:42.950 --> 0:10:43.710 Well, I bet you're right. 0:10:43.730 --> 0:10:44.380 Sure. 0:10:44.410 --> 0:10:46.840 Well, she has defenses against the sexism. 0:10:46.960 --> 0:10:49.520 Yes, and that's why she's slapping everybody. I'm kidding. 0:10:51.380 --> 0:10:55.969 That movie, that documentary, that Jennifer Lopez, I'm not a 0:10:55.990 --> 0:10:56.990 big Jennifer Lopez watcher. 0:10:57.050 --> 0:11:00.210 I watched it with friends, but the number of times. 0:11:00.670 --> 0:11:04.110 Just everything I've been through, everything. And I'm like, but 0:11:04.150 --> 0:11:05.550 what have you been through? I don't know what you've 0:11:05.580 --> 0:11:07.100 been through, but you're not saying what you've been through. 0:11:07.660 --> 0:11:10.860 What were the struggles that you're referring to? She refers 0:11:10.880 --> 0:11:11.720 to them dozens of times. 0:11:11.740 --> 0:11:12.780 Well, she's Jenny from the book. 0:11:12.920 --> 0:11:13.000 Yeah. 0:11:13.420 --> 0:11:15.900 And she's been divorced 14 times. Those are the only 0:11:15.920 --> 0:11:18.890 things I know about her. You got fake divorced once 0:11:18.950 --> 0:11:20.990 and suddenly you think you can talk about Jennifer Lopez? 0:11:21.030 --> 0:11:24.780 That's true. It is a fake divorce. Yes, it's true. 0:11:24.800 --> 0:11:27.120 I'm not talking... I'm not telling tales out of school. 0:11:27.500 --> 0:11:29.400 I do want to ask you, like, okay, so the 0:11:29.420 --> 0:11:30.980 special's called Big Divorce Energy. 0:11:31.620 --> 0:11:33.490 And... a humiliating title. 0:11:33.550 --> 0:11:35.770 Take this, you know, take this as a, do not 0:11:35.809 --> 0:11:38.170 take this the wrong way, but I'm, I'm definitely, you know, 0:11:38.250 --> 0:11:42.270 you have, there's been a fashion change and like, you're 0:11:42.330 --> 0:11:45.870 sort of like, you're wearing some designer shoes. You're unbuttoning 0:11:45.910 --> 0:11:50.420 some buttons on your shirt. There's some jewelry happening. Like 0:11:50.820 --> 0:11:53.160 how do you define big divorce energy? What are you 0:11:53.220 --> 0:11:55.260 embracing about this, this era? 0:11:56.100 --> 0:11:59.120 Uh, I mean, I think I'm, all of that is 0:11:59.140 --> 0:12:01.440 like leaning into it a little bit hard, right? Like 0:12:01.460 --> 0:12:03.800 that's what's behind the title. 0:12:05.110 --> 0:12:07.530 But like, I. 0:12:07.770 --> 0:12:10.710 Had a desire as I talk about in the special 0:12:10.750 --> 0:12:14.300 to sort of like, embrace my sexuality a little bit 0:12:14.340 --> 0:12:16.100 more and part of that is like i think i 0:12:16.140 --> 0:12:19.460 want to try to be a hot man yeah yeah 0:12:19.620 --> 0:12:21.380 and this is a thing that like a lot of 0:12:21.460 --> 0:12:24.830 men don't give themselves permission to do like they think 0:12:24.890 --> 0:12:27.750 it's somehow like putting on airs and of course there's 0:12:27.790 --> 0:12:28.690 levels of it. 0:12:28.690 --> 0:12:31.969 Right it's also feminine it's to be like i to 0:12:32.190 --> 0:12:34.569 admit you want to be hot is correct well and 0:12:34.610 --> 0:12:36.480 it admits that you can see what male beauty is 0:12:36.660 --> 0:12:39.179 yes exactly yeah and if you can see it Honey, 0:12:39.460 --> 0:12:43.740 you might be going. And that you're. 0:12:43.559 --> 0:12:46.590 Allowing other people to have an opinion about it. But 0:12:46.630 --> 0:12:49.489 there is a, not to jump to like the conclusion 0:12:49.530 --> 0:12:52.550 too soon, but like one of the theses I have 0:12:52.610 --> 0:12:57.100 is that like the sort of narrow idea of masculinity, right? 0:12:58.360 --> 0:13:02.380 Is the expectations, the narrow gendered expectations that are put 0:13:03.040 --> 0:13:07.960 on everybody. They hurt women more, right? Men are also 0:13:08.000 --> 0:13:11.400 hurt by them. Men are primarily the perpetrators of them. 0:13:11.820 --> 0:13:14.120 Women are also the perpetrators of them, right? So it's like, 0:13:14.179 --> 0:13:17.600 it's an imbalance, right? But the thing that is unique 0:13:18.000 --> 0:13:20.559 is that men do not examine it or talk about it. 0:13:20.679 --> 0:13:21.250 Women do. 0:13:21.520 --> 0:13:24.469 Like I've spent, I grew up around you know, just 0:13:24.510 --> 0:13:26.949 like I was fucking reading Jezebel when I was like 0:13:26.950 --> 0:13:32.070 24 or whatever, right? Like we all, we had consciousness raising, right? 0:13:32.350 --> 0:13:37.679 And men just sort of like accept the expectations that 0:13:37.700 --> 0:13:38.099 are put on. 0:13:38.120 --> 0:13:40.420 I know there's something about how like the fact that 0:13:40.580 --> 0:13:44.959 women just generally are analyzed more almost than on a 0:13:45.080 --> 0:13:48.870 societal level makes them more vulnerable to attack. Like it's like, 0:13:48.910 --> 0:13:54.500 so we have broken down every female archetype, like, okay, 0:13:54.600 --> 0:13:56.700 why is a girl boss bad? Why is the trad 0:13:56.740 --> 0:13:58.780 wife bad? Blah, blah, blah. I'm not saying, but I'm 0:13:58.800 --> 0:14:02.120 just saying like the impulse is to analyze women and 0:14:02.160 --> 0:14:06.059 not to analyze men. So men get to still hold 0:14:06.100 --> 0:14:06.560 the power. 0:14:09.160 --> 0:14:15.420 Yes, by not making ourselves like vulnerable or open to analysis, 0:14:15.640 --> 0:14:21.520 you know, like, Literally, I have seen comments about my 0:14:21.590 --> 0:14:24.110 material where people are like, you know, I saw his 0:14:24.170 --> 0:14:26.870 new hour. He's talking, just talking about he got divorced, right? 0:14:27.250 --> 0:14:31.750 As though that were like shameful to speak about, right? 0:14:32.190 --> 0:14:33.850 And I was like, well, I'm going through this. I 0:14:33.870 --> 0:14:36.010 would like to write standup comedy about it. This is 0:14:36.190 --> 0:14:39.170 interesting to me. I have thoughts. I was, you know, just... 0:14:39.670 --> 0:14:41.180 When the breakup happened, I went to New York. I 0:14:41.200 --> 0:14:43.880 just started writing in basements about what I was going through. 0:14:44.000 --> 0:14:46.310 Audiences started responding. I was like, this is interesting. It's 0:14:46.350 --> 0:14:49.700 creatively interesting to me. but I was also like, there's 0:14:49.750 --> 0:14:53.180 just some like stank on someone saying like, oh yeah, 0:14:53.400 --> 0:14:54.860 that guy is divorced, right? 0:14:55.560 --> 0:14:56.660 And like, as a. 0:14:56.660 --> 0:15:00.480 Result, I don't think like straight male comics talk about 0:15:00.520 --> 0:15:03.100 their personal lives very often at all. 0:15:03.360 --> 0:15:06.200 I think there's like a real wall up a lot 0:15:06.220 --> 0:15:07.870 of the time. There's exceptions, there's Marc Maron and people 0:15:07.880 --> 0:15:08.350 like that, right? 0:15:08.780 --> 0:15:13.300 But I think because the vulnerability like opens you up 0:15:13.400 --> 0:15:17.300 to analysis and i think we're we're like rarely allow 0:15:17.340 --> 0:15:19.140 ourselves to and and a man doing it is like 0:15:19.180 --> 0:15:22.660 seen as being like a fundamentally like weak thing you. 0:15:22.600 --> 0:15:25.750 Know totally whereas when a man is talking is doing 0:15:25.770 --> 0:15:28.910 like social commentary which is more often what a male 0:15:28.930 --> 0:15:33.110 comedian gravitate towards then he maintains this level of like 0:15:33.150 --> 0:15:36.490 bird's eye view i'm I don't have a body or 0:15:36.750 --> 0:15:38.790 any biases. He's the lifeguard of society. Yes, he's the 0:15:38.830 --> 0:15:39.750 lifeguard of society. 0:15:39.990 --> 0:15:43.010 Yeah, and that's the position men, especially white men, have 0:15:43.030 --> 0:15:44.050 put themselves in for you, right? 0:15:44.110 --> 0:15:46.460 We're the ones telling everybody else how society works. 0:15:46.980 --> 0:15:49.740 But if you do that and you don't acknowledge you 0:15:49.780 --> 0:15:53.440 are also a person in society upon whom expectations are placed, 0:15:54.020 --> 0:15:57.660 you do not acknowledge parts of yourself, you keep parts 0:15:57.680 --> 0:16:00.590 of yourself repressed, you do violence to yourself by doing that. 0:16:00.650 --> 0:16:03.900 And I think that Men do that violence to themselves 0:16:04.080 --> 0:16:07.020 and then they enact the violence on other people. And 0:16:07.360 --> 0:16:09.040 so the fundamental thing I'm trying to do is just 0:16:09.060 --> 0:16:11.970 like open that up a little bit, you know? 0:16:12.910 --> 0:16:16.090 So the moment you're like on stage being like, I'm 0:16:16.450 --> 0:16:20.310 exploring my sexuality and I'm expressing my sexuality differently, do 0:16:21.670 --> 0:16:23.500 gay guys go into your DMs almost instantly? 0:16:25.520 --> 0:16:28.420 They were already there to a certain extent, but then 0:16:28.460 --> 0:16:30.320 they sort of started going like. 0:16:30.600 --> 0:16:32.120 They were like, oh. 0:16:32.520 --> 0:16:33.120 Come in the water. 0:16:33.140 --> 0:16:36.420 Well, you do tease. It's open, you know. Well, it's 0:16:36.460 --> 0:16:39.120 also this thing. I've always said finding out that someone 0:16:39.900 --> 0:16:41.830 who you've thought for a long time is straight maybe 0:16:41.890 --> 0:16:46.130 is bi is like an adult snow day. And I've really, 0:16:46.490 --> 0:16:50.110 it's like something so crazy where you're like, holy shit, 0:16:50.430 --> 0:16:53.690 a new guy just dropped. It's really wild. 0:16:54.130 --> 0:16:54.450 I know. 0:16:54.470 --> 0:16:54.810 Yeah. 0:16:55.380 --> 0:16:58.640 I mean, I'll be honest, I was like going through 0:16:59.520 --> 0:17:02.180 a late adolescence, right? I'm like dating for the first 0:17:02.200 --> 0:17:03.720 time since I was 24 when I did not know 0:17:03.740 --> 0:17:07.720 myself at all, right? And I literally opened, you know, 0:17:08.160 --> 0:17:11.160 hopped on the apps and in public life being like, 0:17:11.540 --> 0:17:13.580 or in that part of life being like, I'm open 0:17:13.619 --> 0:17:15.660 to whatever, man. What does the world have to offer? 0:17:16.700 --> 0:17:19.540 And I also knew, I had started to feel the 0:17:19.560 --> 0:17:20.859 last couple of years I was in the relationship, I 0:17:20.880 --> 0:17:23.790 was like, why? why do I have so many queer friends? 0:17:23.850 --> 0:17:24.610 Like, why am I hanging? 0:17:24.630 --> 0:17:27.690 You know what I mean? Like, what is, there's something, 0:17:27.910 --> 0:17:32.040 there's an attraction to me there, right? And I was 0:17:32.060 --> 0:17:34.960 writing that material as I was thinking through that stuff. 0:17:35.460 --> 0:17:38.750 And so I sort of positioned the special as, Like, 0:17:38.950 --> 0:17:42.230 I'm trying to speak as a man who grew up straight, right, 0:17:42.470 --> 0:17:46.639 as a straight man. And that is who that message 0:17:46.680 --> 0:17:49.020 needs to come from, you know? And so that's the 0:17:49.060 --> 0:17:51.170 tone in which I'm speaking. But like, who knows what 0:17:51.190 --> 0:17:53.740