WEBVTT - Stressed Out? How to Manage Stress and Reset Your Nervous System 0:00:00.080 --> 0:00:02.240 You need to stop the rat race, get yourself off 0:00:02.240 --> 0:00:04.760 that hamster wheel of thoughts and take a look at 0:00:04.760 --> 0:00:07.360 what is actually happening. Get the bigger picture, take a 0:00:07.400 --> 0:00:10.440 step back for a second and see what's truly going on. 0:00:11.119 --> 0:00:13.840 Most of the time, our stress feels bigger because we 0:00:13.920 --> 0:00:16.920 do not stop thinking about it. And where energy goes 0:00:17.040 --> 0:00:19.119 is what grows. So the more you think about the 0:00:19.160 --> 0:00:22.439 things that make you stress, finally enough, the more stress 0:00:22.480 --> 0:00:25.880 to you will feel. I'm Radivlukiah and on my podcast 0:00:25.920 --> 0:00:29.800 A Really Good Cry, we embrace the messy and the beautiful, 0:00:29.920 --> 0:00:34.120 providing a space for raw, unfiltered conversations that celebrate vulnerability 0:00:34.200 --> 0:00:37.320 and allow you to tune in to learn, connect and 0:00:37.360 --> 0:00:41.920 find comfort together. Well, hello there, you absolutely wonderful human beings. 0:00:41.960 --> 0:00:42.440 How are you. 0:00:42.560 --> 0:00:44.880 I hope you've all had such a wonderful week. Thank 0:00:44.920 --> 0:00:47.160 you so much for coming back to A Really Good Cry. 0:00:47.159 --> 0:00:50.280 I appreciate it so much so. I actually went to 0:00:50.320 --> 0:00:52.440 India at the beginning of the year. Jay and I 0:00:52.520 --> 0:00:55.800 take this trip to a place called Govden Eco Village 0:00:55.840 --> 0:00:59.200 every single year for our spiritual reset, but this year 0:00:59.240 --> 0:01:01.639 felt a little bit differ. We both came away from 0:01:01.680 --> 0:01:05.280 it feeling like we had gained so much, so much clarity, 0:01:05.680 --> 0:01:09.920 so many realizations, and some serious decompression that was needed 0:01:10.000 --> 0:01:12.400 after the year that we had had. But it also 0:01:12.440 --> 0:01:16.120 made me realize how deep rooted stress can be. The 0:01:16.160 --> 0:01:19.640 place we went to is beautiful. It has greenery everywhere, 0:01:19.680 --> 0:01:22.759 it's in the middle of a forest. It's so quiet, 0:01:22.880 --> 0:01:26.920 it's peaceful. There are these beautiful temples scattered around the grounds. 0:01:27.319 --> 0:01:31.759 There are so many magical, sacred spaces. The sounds sound godly. 0:01:31.959 --> 0:01:35.560 The whole place feels like a spiritual world, and it 0:01:35.600 --> 0:01:37.600 was so it was the perfect environment to just feel 0:01:37.600 --> 0:01:41.800 stress free. But the first few days my mind was 0:01:41.840 --> 0:01:46.360 still so high strung. It was constantly asking me, what's next. 0:01:46.520 --> 0:01:48.960 You've got things to do. Stop sitting around. What we're 0:01:48.960 --> 0:01:51.360 going to be doing now? Why are you not doing anything? 0:01:51.800 --> 0:01:54.200 Come on onto the next, onto the next. And you 0:01:54.240 --> 0:01:57.560 know what, that thought process and this constant anxious and 0:01:57.600 --> 0:02:00.960 stress inducing state is something any of us go through 0:02:01.280 --> 0:02:04.000 throughout our whole year. And look, the fact is that 0:02:04.040 --> 0:02:06.960 stress is just a part of life, whether it's work, deadlines, 0:02:07.000 --> 0:02:10.560 family drama, or trying to balance different parts of our life, 0:02:10.639 --> 0:02:15.200 some larger stresses, some small, some expected some unexpected. But 0:02:15.280 --> 0:02:18.160 the thing is, without coping mechanisms and trying to tackle 0:02:18.200 --> 0:02:20.320 the emotions and mental pressure of it all on a 0:02:20.360 --> 0:02:23.600 regular basis, it can just build and build until it 0:02:23.639 --> 0:02:26.560 all just feels like too much. For me, that looks 0:02:26.600 --> 0:02:30.040 like locking myself in the dark room and crying. For others, 0:02:30.160 --> 0:02:34.000 it could lead to feelings of depression or high level anxiety, 0:02:34.400 --> 0:02:37.480 or just this feeling of this inability to actually function. 0:02:37.919 --> 0:02:40.080 And you know the thing is, sometimes it becomes so 0:02:40.200 --> 0:02:42.399 normal for us to live in that state we don't 0:02:42.440 --> 0:02:46.000 even realize that we're living in a stress state. Stress 0:02:46.040 --> 0:02:49.720 can manifest in the body in so many different ways. Physically, 0:02:49.760 --> 0:02:52.800 it can show up as headaches or digestive issues, feeling 0:02:52.880 --> 0:02:55.040 tired all the time, even if you're sleeping a lot, 0:02:55.440 --> 0:02:58.280 feeling restless or you can't fall asleep. It can cause 0:02:58.280 --> 0:03:01.640 appetite changes like binging or cravings, or you could lose 0:03:01.680 --> 0:03:04.880 your appetite completely. It can lead to hair loss or 0:03:04.919 --> 0:03:08.400 graying early. You can also tend to unhealthy habits like 0:03:08.480 --> 0:03:11.880 drinking or drugs, and other signs are things like jaw clenching, 0:03:11.919 --> 0:03:13.840 which sometimes you don't even realize you're doing until you 0:03:13.840 --> 0:03:16.040 wake up in the morning and your jaw is hurting 0:03:16.080 --> 0:03:16.440 so much. 0:03:16.480 --> 0:03:17.280 I do that a lot. 0:03:17.400 --> 0:03:20.200 I grind my teeth sometimes when I'm stressed in my sleep, 0:03:20.600 --> 0:03:22.640 or I clench my jaw a lot when I'm working 0:03:23.320 --> 0:03:25.880 or when I'm sleeping too. Another thing I found is 0:03:25.880 --> 0:03:28.720 when I'm stressed out, the stress seeps into my dreams. 0:03:29.400 --> 0:03:31.040 And I don't know whether anyone's had this before, but 0:03:31.120 --> 0:03:35.800 my dreams get really intense, and so the stress that 0:03:35.800 --> 0:03:38.400 I'm feeling, mixed with the worries that I'm having, all 0:03:38.480 --> 0:03:42.240 culminate in my subconscious And not only am I stress 0:03:42.320 --> 0:03:44.600 during the day, I stress sleep too. I've gone through 0:03:44.640 --> 0:03:50.320 periods where I'm actually waking up crying because whatever I 0:03:50.360 --> 0:03:52.840 was stressed about or anxious about has actually come into 0:03:52.880 --> 0:03:55.240 my dream and become a reality in my dream. And 0:03:55.320 --> 0:03:57.920 I've woken up with tears pouring out of my eyes. 0:03:58.320 --> 0:04:00.600 And so even if we're trying to pretend like it 0:04:00.640 --> 0:04:04.760 doesn't exist, somehow, our body, our mind, it's feeling it 0:04:04.920 --> 0:04:08.040 every single moment that we are feeling it. I also 0:04:08.040 --> 0:04:11.200 find things like nail biting or fidgeting, or trying to 0:04:11.520 --> 0:04:15.119 overplan or become a perfectionist. I notice when I feel 0:04:15.120 --> 0:04:17.159 like I'm out of control of things in my life, 0:04:17.520 --> 0:04:19.400 or I'm stressed out about other parts of my life. 0:04:19.520 --> 0:04:22.680 I become an organizer. I become a hyper planner. I 0:04:22.720 --> 0:04:25.960 want to control everything because it makes sense, right when 0:04:25.960 --> 0:04:28.200 we feel like we're out of control of something else, 0:04:28.320 --> 0:04:30.240 we try to control other parts of my life that 0:04:30.320 --> 0:04:33.600 feel controllable. So it's a very natural response. But these 0:04:33.640 --> 0:04:35.960 are all signs that you might be just a little 0:04:35.960 --> 0:04:38.479 bit too stressed. Now I know that these could also 0:04:38.520 --> 0:04:41.279 be signs of other things. There's so many different signs 0:04:41.279 --> 0:04:43.279 that I just mention and it could be due to 0:04:43.320 --> 0:04:45.839 other things. But usually if you really stop to think 0:04:45.839 --> 0:04:48.200 about it, your body and your mind will tell you 0:04:48.279 --> 0:04:50.839 whether you are stressed or not, or that something's just 0:04:50.920 --> 0:04:54.480 not right. But in case you're unsure whether you are 0:04:54.520 --> 0:04:55.480 stressed or not and you. 0:04:55.440 --> 0:04:56.440 Need the confirmation. 0:04:57.560 --> 0:05:00.599 These are five questions that I usually ask myself to 0:05:00.680 --> 0:05:04.640 really understand what I'm going through. The first one is 0:05:04.680 --> 0:05:08.160 am I feeling physically tense or exhausted even after resting. 0:05:08.720 --> 0:05:11.000 The second one to ask yourself is am I having 0:05:11.120 --> 0:05:14.599 trouble sleeping or concentrating. The third one is am I 0:05:14.640 --> 0:05:18.640 feeling easily irritated or overwhelmed by everyday tasks. It's like 0:05:18.760 --> 0:05:20.800 your top gets caught on the doorknob and suddenly you 0:05:20.880 --> 0:05:21.760 just burst out in tears. 0:05:21.760 --> 0:05:23.320 Actually that happens to be when I'm on my period. 0:05:23.440 --> 0:05:25.840 But you know what I mean, just random things that 0:05:25.880 --> 0:05:28.599 you wouldn't normally be upset about, barring the time that 0:05:28.600 --> 0:05:31.680 you're on your period, you are just getting over emotional, irritable, 0:05:32.120 --> 0:05:33.839 and you're reacting in a way that you wouldn't normally 0:05:34.440 --> 0:05:37.200 for Have I been neglecting self care like healthy eating 0:05:37.320 --> 0:05:39.840 or taking time to relax at my self care? I 0:05:39.880 --> 0:05:42.640 don't mean the luxury things like getting your nails done 0:05:43.040 --> 0:05:45.720 or you know, going to get a hair trim. What 0:05:45.800 --> 0:05:49.680 I mean are the basics to uphold your wellness in 0:05:49.720 --> 0:05:51.520 your day to day life. Are you eating the right 0:05:51.560 --> 0:05:53.919 foods for your mental state, for your physical body to 0:05:54.000 --> 0:05:55.840 nourish it to do all the things that you were 0:05:55.880 --> 0:05:57.880 doing to cope with the stress that you were going through. 0:05:58.200 --> 0:06:00.559 Are you sleeping in the right way? Are you creating 0:06:00.560 --> 0:06:03.280 the right environment around you? You know, the basic things 0:06:03.279 --> 0:06:06.560 that you need to actually create optimal health and optimal living. 0:06:06.720 --> 0:06:09.640 Are you neglecting those when you use to prioritize them. 0:06:09.960 --> 0:06:12.160 And the last one is what are the most repeated 0:06:12.200 --> 0:06:14.960 thoughts I am having in my day? Usually sometimes you 0:06:15.000 --> 0:06:16.560 only need to ask that one question, what am I 0:06:16.560 --> 0:06:19.440 thinking about regularly? What are the repeated thoughts that are 0:06:19.480 --> 0:06:22.480 going through my mind? And when you notice that they 0:06:22.520 --> 0:06:24.960 are more anxious thoughts or more negative thoughts, and it's 0:06:24.960 --> 0:06:28.200 out of balance compared to the positive thoughts or the 0:06:28.240 --> 0:06:30.719 grateful thoughts, or the thoughts that life is good and 0:06:30.800 --> 0:06:32.960 great and I can do this and I'm happy and 0:06:33.040 --> 0:06:35.800 I'm well. But your mind is telling you all the 0:06:35.839 --> 0:06:38.000 bad things that are happening in your life more than that, 0:06:38.640 --> 0:06:41.480 then that can be a sign that you're imbalanced. Because 0:06:41.680 --> 0:06:44.119 the things that you think about is what you become. 0:06:44.440 --> 0:06:46.320 And so the more you think about the things that 0:06:46.360 --> 0:06:48.080 are stressing you out, the more you think about the 0:06:48.120 --> 0:06:50.880 negative things, the more you see the negative things, and 0:06:50.960 --> 0:06:53.680 then that is exactly what we end up becoming. And 0:06:53.720 --> 0:06:55.680 so those are the five questions that I recommend you 0:06:55.720 --> 0:06:58.880 ask yourself to really assess whether you are stressed if 0:06:58.880 --> 0:07:02.080 you're in denial. If the answer is yes to a 0:07:02.120 --> 0:07:05.640 lot of these, then it's probably an indication that you 0:07:05.680 --> 0:07:10.320 are in need of my Ultimate Stress Reset Formula. And 0:07:10.360 --> 0:07:13.560 this is something that I have created because I've gone 0:07:13.560 --> 0:07:15.120 through a lot of stressful moments in my life. I 0:07:15.160 --> 0:07:17.560 used to be a highly anxious person. I still can 0:07:17.640 --> 0:07:20.160 ebb and flow through being that, and so I would 0:07:20.160 --> 0:07:22.800 feel very stressed and very anxious, and it would kind 0:07:22.800 --> 0:07:27.160 of take over and encapsulate me, even when it was small, 0:07:27.240 --> 0:07:29.760 even when it was something I knew wasn't something to 0:07:29.760 --> 0:07:32.000 be that anxious about. It would just take over my 0:07:32.160 --> 0:07:35.680 entire body and mind. And so I created these three 0:07:35.720 --> 0:07:38.440 steps after reflecting on how I got myself out of 0:07:38.440 --> 0:07:40.760 those moments and how I've got to this stage where 0:07:40.920 --> 0:07:44.480 I'm able to really manage those stressful times and those 0:07:44.520 --> 0:07:46.560 anxious moments so much better. 0:07:47.000 --> 0:07:48.600 And so I'm actually. 0:07:48.360 --> 0:07:52.480 Speaking from experience rather than theory, and so I'm hoping 0:07:52.640 --> 0:07:55.280 that these tips really do help you through your stress 0:07:55.320 --> 0:07:59.040 and anxiety. So I've broken these coping mechanisms down into 0:07:59.080 --> 0:08:03.280 three steps. First step is stop, the second step is recalibrate, 0:08:03.360 --> 0:08:06.080 and the third step is release. So let me take 0:08:06.120 --> 0:08:10.920 you through them one by one step one stop. First off, 0:08:11.000 --> 0:08:12.760 we need to get you out of your head. You 0:08:12.800 --> 0:08:14.960 need to stop the rat race, get yourself off that 0:08:14.960 --> 0:08:17.480 hamster wheel of thoughts and take a look at what 0:08:17.560 --> 0:08:20.320 is actually happening, get the bigger picture, take a step 0:08:20.320 --> 0:08:23.080 back for a second and see what's truly going on. 0:08:23.720 --> 0:08:26.440 Most of the time, our stress feels bigger because we 0:08:26.520 --> 0:08:29.559 do not stop thinking about it. And where energy goes 0:08:29.680 --> 0:08:31.760 is what grows. So the more you think about the 0:08:31.760 --> 0:08:35.040 things that make you stress, finally enough, the more stress 0:08:35.080 --> 0:08:38.800 to you will feel. And that feels pretty simple and logical. 0:08:39.000 --> 0:08:41.640 But when you're constantly on the go and you're choosing 0:08:41.640 --> 0:08:44.800 not to think about it, that realization is really important. 0:08:45.400 --> 0:08:47.040 So we have to hit the pause button. 0:08:47.440 --> 0:08:50.640 And so my favorite, absolute favorite way to do this 0:08:51.080 --> 0:08:54.400 is through breathwork. Now, do not underestimate how powerful breath 0:08:54.440 --> 0:08:57.320 work is. And if you're someone that's never done breathwork before, 0:08:57.320 --> 0:09:02.240 you're probably thinking, Okay, this is just another meditation woo 0:09:02.320 --> 0:09:04.400 woo thing that is actually not going to help me. 0:09:04.559 --> 0:09:07.720 But listen to me when I say there is so 0:09:07.840 --> 0:09:10.920 much scientific evidence behind breathwork, more so than the pills 0:09:10.960 --> 0:09:14.480 that you are popping. So if you are skeptical about breathwork, 0:09:14.640 --> 0:09:16.520 the proof is in the pudding. All you have to 0:09:16.559 --> 0:09:17.480 do is try. 0:09:17.520 --> 0:09:19.040 And I'm going to take you through one right now. 0:09:19.280 --> 0:09:19.959 I'm going to take you. 0:09:19.880 --> 0:09:24.559 Through it because breathwork has changed everything from my asthma, 0:09:25.240 --> 0:09:27.240 so a physical thing that I had going on, to 0:09:28.080 --> 0:09:32.480 my anxiety, to my stress, to my sleep, to my workouts. 0:09:32.760 --> 0:09:34.960 Oh my gosh, it's changed everything. As soon as you 0:09:35.000 --> 0:09:37.439 master your breath, you master your mind and your emotions. 0:09:37.520 --> 0:09:41.800 So do not underestimate breathwork. One simple deep breath can 0:09:41.840 --> 0:09:44.360 change your whole mood. And I'm not saying that it's 0:09:44.360 --> 0:09:46.320 going to take away what you're stressed about, but I 0:09:46.320 --> 0:09:48.720 can guarantee it will give you the clarity and calm 0:09:48.760 --> 0:09:51.280 that you need to be able to handle whatever it 0:09:51.360 --> 0:09:54.360 is that you are going through without feeling overwhelmed. So 0:09:54.400 --> 0:09:56.120 we're going to take in. We're going to do this together. 0:09:56.160 --> 0:09:58.760 Come on, people, Okay, let's get in the zone. If 0:09:58.760 --> 0:10:01.240 you can close your eyes listeners in the car, please 0:10:01.280 --> 0:10:03.960 do not close your eyes. We're going to take one 0:10:04.040 --> 0:10:09.599 deep breath in for one, two three four, hold a 0:10:09.640 --> 0:10:13.520 little bit at the top, and then breathe out for one, 0:10:14.280 --> 0:10:18.000 two three four. I'm going to take the breath so 0:10:18.040 --> 0:10:20.320 you can hear it at the same time and continue 0:10:20.320 --> 0:10:36.800 to do this with me for another five breaths. As 0:10:36.840 --> 0:10:40.280 you're breathing in, you should feel your stomach coming outwards 0:10:40.559 --> 0:10:43.280 and expanding, And as you're breathing out, you should feel 0:10:43.280 --> 0:10:47.640 your stomach contracting and going inward. Honestly, just me taking 0:10:47.640 --> 0:10:50.560 those two breaths with you, my whole mind feels calmer. 0:10:50.600 --> 0:10:53.000 I feel like I'm speaking slower. I feel so much 0:10:53.040 --> 0:10:55.959 more clear in my mind. And that's a simple box breath. 0:10:56.040 --> 0:10:58.160 You breathe in for four, you hold it at the 0:10:58.160 --> 0:11:00.320 top for like a couple of seconds, and then you 0:11:00.400 --> 0:11:03.200 let go for four. And it is that simple. You 0:11:03.240 --> 0:11:05.120 can do that for five minutes or even a couple 0:11:05.160 --> 0:11:08.600 of minutes, or multiple times throughout the day, every time 0:11:08.679 --> 0:11:12.040 you notice little signs or symptoms of stress picking up. 0:11:12.320 --> 0:11:13.800 And if that one wasn't enough for you, if you're like, 0:11:13.840 --> 0:11:15.600 you know what, give me something more. I've been doing 0:11:15.600 --> 0:11:17.320 that breath work for a while now I'm an expert. 0:11:17.400 --> 0:11:20.800 Give me another one. Another breath work I love doing 0:11:21.360 --> 0:11:24.439 is breathing in and then almost make a sighing sound 0:11:24.440 --> 0:11:26.320 on the way out. So let me do it for you. 0:11:26.400 --> 0:11:26.960 It goes. 0:11:30.559 --> 0:11:32.880 And you can make whatever sound comes out. It can 0:11:32.920 --> 0:11:34.840 be a scream, it may be a cry. It may 0:11:34.880 --> 0:11:37.360 be a squeal, it may be a laugh. You'll be 0:11:37.400 --> 0:11:39.560 surprised what comes out when you do this breath work. 0:11:39.800 --> 0:11:42.520 But usually anxiety is when our thoughts are trapped in 0:11:42.559 --> 0:11:45.480 our mind. And I'm personally noticed that when you create 0:11:45.559 --> 0:11:49.000 some sort of sound vibration in your body, that sound 0:11:49.080 --> 0:11:51.880 vibration travels through you and it starts to stare things up. 0:11:51.920 --> 0:11:54.000 It gets things out of your body, and it just 0:11:54.080 --> 0:11:57.360 creates a different environment, and it helps to remove these 0:11:57.400 --> 0:12:00.240 stagnant thoughts which are trapped inside of our mind, helps 0:12:00.320 --> 0:12:03.080 to release them. So those two simple breathworks. There are 0:12:03.080 --> 0:12:05.240 so many more I could teach you, but honestly, let's 0:12:05.280 --> 0:12:05.880 keep it simple. 0:12:06.160 --> 0:12:07.040 The box breath. 0:12:07.080 --> 0:12:09.679 Every single time you feel your mind starting to travel, 0:12:09.760 --> 0:12:12.600 starting to think about all the things that you can't control, 0:12:13.000 --> 0:12:15.840 try breathing for four counts in, holding at the top, 0:12:15.880 --> 0:12:18.439 and four counts out. And then if you want to 0:12:18.480 --> 0:12:20.760 try something else, try the cye breath. If you're not 0:12:20.800 --> 0:12:23.400 in public and you're in the comforts of your own home, 0:12:23.920 --> 0:12:27.080 try and get those vibrations, the sound vibrations flowing through 0:12:27.160 --> 0:12:30.280 your body. You can even actually do a humming sound 0:12:30.360 --> 0:12:34.080 after it. So you take a deep breath in and 0:12:34.120 --> 0:12:41.600 you do this when you come out, and that's actually 0:12:41.679 --> 0:12:44.200 such a calming breathwork to do. Even within one you'll 0:12:44.240 --> 0:12:47.600 notice a difference. Also, one thing, I'm a victim of this, 0:12:48.080 --> 0:12:49.560 and I don't know whether you are, but I'll share 0:12:49.559 --> 0:12:52.040 it anyway. You need to stop trying to fix the 0:12:52.080 --> 0:12:54.600 issue right away. Oh my god, I'm such a fixer. 0:12:55.000 --> 0:12:57.480 Whether it's something I'm anxious about or something someone else 0:12:57.600 --> 0:12:58.920 is anxious about, I'm like, I have to fix it 0:12:58.960 --> 0:13:02.959 straight away, find the solution. But the thing is, trying 0:13:02.960 --> 0:13:05.400 to solve anything in a stress state is never going 0:13:05.440 --> 0:13:08.200 to be as effective or efficient as solving it in 0:13:08.200 --> 0:13:11.360 a calm state. Stress often feels worse because we pressure 0:13:11.360 --> 0:13:14.400 ourselves into solving the problem instantly. But you might not 0:13:14.440 --> 0:13:16.880 have the answer right now, and that's also okay, And 0:13:16.960 --> 0:13:19.680 if you try to force the answer, you'll probably get 0:13:19.679 --> 0:13:22.240 it wrong or do the wrong thing. Your mind is 0:13:22.280 --> 0:13:24.080 basically like a snow globe. When you shake it, you 0:13:24.120 --> 0:13:26.839 literally can't see anything in there, and that's pretty much 0:13:26.840 --> 0:13:29.480 what your mind in emotions look like when you are stressed. 0:13:29.920 --> 0:13:32.360 As soon as the snow settles, you are more likely 0:13:32.480 --> 0:13:35.040 to see clearly and take better steps. Towards fixing it. 0:13:35.360 --> 0:13:39.079 Sometimes clarity comes when you stop forcing it. The next 0:13:39.120 --> 0:13:40.960 step is called recalibrate. 0:13:41.480 --> 0:13:42.040 So I had this. 0:13:42.040 --> 0:13:44.079 Problem once, and it has often helped me when I'm 0:13:44.120 --> 0:13:46.880 anxious about things that I have absolutely no control over, 0:13:47.200 --> 0:13:49.840 which is, unfortunately how our mind. 0:13:49.640 --> 0:13:50.280 Tends to work. 0:13:50.320 --> 0:13:52.520 We focus on the things that we can't do anything about, 0:13:52.800 --> 0:13:54.880 rather than the things that we can do something about. 0:13:55.120 --> 0:13:56.880 So it goes something like this. A farmer in a 0:13:56.960 --> 0:13:59.760 village owned a single horse that helped him plow his fields. 0:14:00.280 --> 0:14:02.760 One day, the horse ran away. The villagers came to 0:14:02.800 --> 0:14:06.280 console him, saying, oh my goodness, what bad luck. The 0:14:06.280 --> 0:14:10.560 farmer simply replied, good thing, bad thing, who knows. A 0:14:10.600 --> 0:14:13.160 week later, the horse returned, bringing with it a group 0:14:13.200 --> 0:14:16.200 of wild horses. The villagers said, oh my goodness, what 0:14:16.320 --> 0:14:20.800 great fortune you have, and again the farmer replied, good thing, 0:14:21.200 --> 0:14:24.400 bad thing, who knows. Soon after that, the farmer's son 0:14:24.440 --> 0:14:26.400 tried to tame one of the wild horses, and he 0:14:26.480 --> 0:14:29.520 broke his leg in the process. The villagers once again 0:14:29.560 --> 0:14:33.160 gathered and said, what terrible misfortune you have, and the farmer, 0:14:33.240 --> 0:14:37.080 once again, calm as before, said, good thing, bad thing, 0:14:37.240 --> 0:14:39.920 who knows. Not long After that, the army came to 0:14:39.960 --> 0:14:42.680 the village recruiting young men for the war. Because the 0:14:42.680 --> 0:14:46.120 farmer's son was injured, he was sped. The villagers marveled 0:14:46.120 --> 0:14:49.920 to the farmer, but he simply said, good thing, bad thing. 0:14:50.360 --> 0:14:51.480 Who knows. 0:14:52.760 --> 0:14:54.920 The lesson I got from this is that life is 0:14:55.080 --> 0:14:58.240 constantly shifting, and what may seem like a disaster, the 0:14:58.280 --> 0:15:01.040 most disastrous thing that you you have ever been through, 0:15:01.560 --> 0:15:03.960 might lead to something better down the road, or be 0:15:04.040 --> 0:15:06.840 saving us from something else coming our way. So when 0:15:06.880 --> 0:15:10.880 you're stressed, recalibrate, step back and see what is it 0:15:10.920 --> 0:15:13.880 that I can do about the situation, and what is 0:15:13.880 --> 0:15:16.560 it that I cannot do, and then take action on 0:15:16.600 --> 0:15:19.240 the things you can and find peace with the things 0:15:19.320 --> 0:15:23.560 you cannot. Recalibrating means giving your mind a mental reset 0:15:23.720 --> 0:15:26.080 that helps you to shift from fight or flight to 0:15:26.240 --> 0:15:29.480 pause and plan, because you know what, especially if you've 0:15:29.520 --> 0:15:31.800 been through a lot and been through a negative mind 0:15:31.800 --> 0:15:35.560 space for a while. Even though positivity feels attractive and 0:15:35.600 --> 0:15:37.960 you may know theoretically it's where you want to live, 0:15:38.400 --> 0:15:41.280 it feels difficult and sometimes it feels unfamiliar if we 0:15:41.320 --> 0:15:43.760 haven't been there in a long while, and so It 0:15:43.880 --> 0:15:47.280 just takes these constant recalibrations to retrain and rewire our 0:15:47.280 --> 0:15:50.200 mind's reactions to the stresses that we feel in life. 0:15:50.600 --> 0:15:52.320 So let me make this a little bit more practical 0:15:52.360 --> 0:15:53.760 for you, and let me share the ways that you 0:15:53.800 --> 0:15:58.360 can actually recalibrate. The first one is zoom out. Imagine 0:15:58.400 --> 0:16:00.960 your whole entire life as a time line and see 0:16:00.960 --> 0:16:03.520 where you are right now. Will this issue that you 0:16:03.560 --> 0:16:05.800 are stressed out about matter in a week, or a 0:16:05.840 --> 0:16:08.760 month or a year. Write down what impact this stressor 0:16:08.800 --> 0:16:11.440 could have in your life in the future, and if 0:16:11.440 --> 0:16:14.200 it still feels big, create a roadmap to the steps 0:16:14.200 --> 0:16:16.240 that you need to take to resolve it. I know 0:16:16.320 --> 0:16:18.880 for me, whenever I'm stressed out or anxious with work 0:16:19.040 --> 0:16:21.560 or life, I really have to map it out. And 0:16:21.640 --> 0:16:24.240 once I do and I have created those steps, it 0:16:24.240 --> 0:16:27.240 feels way less scary and way more manageable. You get 0:16:27.240 --> 0:16:29.160 to truly see it for what it is, rather than 0:16:29.160 --> 0:16:32.480 what your imagination has convinced you it is. When you 0:16:32.520 --> 0:16:34.640 were a little girl or a little boy, do you 0:16:34.680 --> 0:16:39.520 remember imagining what the ghosts or the little monster under 0:16:39.640 --> 0:16:41.520 or the big monster under your bed look like? Oh, 0:16:41.600 --> 0:16:44.600 my gosh, my imagination was wild, it would be the 0:16:44.600 --> 0:16:46.680 most horrific monster that I'd ever seen. I couldn't even 0:16:46.720 --> 0:16:49.800 pat my toe out of my bed without imagining it 0:16:49.840 --> 0:16:52.040 was going to get engulfed by the teeth of this 0:16:52.160 --> 0:16:52.960 crazy monster. 0:16:53.360 --> 0:16:53.880 And then when I. 0:16:53.800 --> 0:16:56.400 Looked under the bed, I was like, Oh, I don't 0:16:56.400 --> 0:16:58.520 see a monster. I don't see teeth, I don't see 0:16:58.560 --> 0:17:01.040 goggly eyes. And if you don't see something that wants 0:17:01.080 --> 0:17:03.920 to eat my foot. All that to say, when you 0:17:03.960 --> 0:17:06.760 really start to break it down, it really doesn't feel 0:17:06.800 --> 0:17:09.359 as large as your mind has made it. And if 0:17:09.400 --> 0:17:11.439 you did do this and you realize that it actually 0:17:11.560 --> 0:17:13.439 isn't that deep and you don't need to do a 0:17:13.440 --> 0:17:15.600 whole roadmap, then you can skip to the next stage, 0:17:15.600 --> 0:17:17.320 which is release. But before that, I'm going to give 0:17:17.320 --> 0:17:19.280 you a couple more options on how you can recalibrate, 0:17:19.720 --> 0:17:21.280 or you can do all of these together as well. 0:17:21.280 --> 0:17:23.600 By the way, the second one is gratitude. I know 0:17:24.000 --> 0:17:28.679 ill sometimes hearing be grateful when you're stressed out is 0:17:28.840 --> 0:17:32.520 the most annoying thing ever. And I do believe you 0:17:32.560 --> 0:17:34.919 can be stressed and grateful at the same time. It 0:17:34.960 --> 0:17:37.840 doesn't mean you have to sub out your stress for 0:17:37.920 --> 0:17:41.000 the gratitude. Even though people will tell you that I 0:17:41.040 --> 0:17:43.080 don't think it's true. Maybe it is, but I have 0:17:43.119 --> 0:17:45.880 an experience that I find that there is a beauty 0:17:45.880 --> 0:17:48.520 and duality, the idea that you can be sad and 0:17:48.520 --> 0:17:50.600 happy at the same time, the idea that you can 0:17:50.640 --> 0:17:53.479 be stressed and grateful at the same time for different 0:17:53.480 --> 0:17:56.520 things happening in your life. So taking a couple of 0:17:56.520 --> 0:17:58.679 minutes to just think or write down the things that 0:17:58.720 --> 0:18:01.119 you are grateful for at least starts to boost your 0:18:01.119 --> 0:18:03.480 happy hormones in your body, giving you a little more 0:18:03.480 --> 0:18:05.960 balance and a little more hope. Even if the things 0:18:06.000 --> 0:18:08.960 you're grateful for are totally unrelated to the stress, your 0:18:08.960 --> 0:18:11.639 mind feels the feelings of being happy and then begins 0:18:11.640 --> 0:18:15.879 to create more pathways towards that feeling. So I know 0:18:16.280 --> 0:18:20.240 gratitude can feel ill sometimes when someone recommends it when 0:18:20.240 --> 0:18:25.320 you're feeling angry, stressed, or anxious. But people go on 0:18:25.320 --> 0:18:27.399 about it for a reason, and you can still be 0:18:27.440 --> 0:18:29.640 stressed if you want to, but at least be grateful 0:18:29.680 --> 0:18:31.560 for the other things in your life at the same time. 0:18:32.040 --> 0:18:33.280 The next thing you have to do is take a 0:18:33.320 --> 0:18:37.800 break from the problem. One way I find that is incredible. 0:18:38.080 --> 0:18:40.080 To get my mind out of things is to serve, 0:18:40.440 --> 0:18:43.800 to do service somewhere, whether it's me going to give 0:18:43.880 --> 0:18:46.920 my grammar massage, always going to vunteer at a hospital 0:18:46.920 --> 0:18:51.159 and reading a book to somebody. I recently volunteered for 0:18:51.680 --> 0:18:53.840 victims of the LA fires that have happened. I went 0:18:53.840 --> 0:18:56.439 to a donation center in LA And you know what, 0:18:56.640 --> 0:18:59.640 serving and giving back to someone else in some way, 0:19:00.000 --> 0:19:01.720 and if it's in a tiny way like I did, 0:19:02.040 --> 0:19:05.359 it is such a beautiful antidote for your anxiety. It 0:19:05.400 --> 0:19:07.520 takes you out of me miyan I and into a 0:19:07.520 --> 0:19:10.879 space of service. Helping others is so soothing for the 0:19:10.920 --> 0:19:13.040 mind and the song. And if you don't feel like 0:19:13.080 --> 0:19:17.040 helping others, do something to take your attention to something else. 0:19:17.520 --> 0:19:20.440 Make that stress work for you rather than against you. 0:19:20.520 --> 0:19:23.400 Use that energy and redirect it. Whether that's a good 0:19:23.480 --> 0:19:27.080