Speaker 1: Another day to be great, another day to live out
Speaker 1: our dreams, another day to live life on purpose and
Speaker 1: for a purpose. Now it's been a minute. It's been
Speaker 1: a minute since I dived into the Vitamin D advice
Speaker 1: letter bag to come with you with some vice on
Speaker 1: how you live your life. Now, I just want to
Speaker 1: be clear when we talk about Vitamin D. It's all
Speaker 1: about shedding the light on the good and the bad.
Speaker 1: Because what do I say? If you want to be
Speaker 1: better and you want to do better, then you're going
Speaker 1: to have to be able to see better. Does that
Speaker 1: make sense? I mean the good and not so good.
Speaker 1: You can't be hide in the shadows. You can't be
Speaker 1: tucking behind a corner. You're going to have to step
Speaker 1: right front and center. So I always encourage if you
Speaker 1: need advice on your relationships, on your career, on your business,
Speaker 1: anything that you would like my input, to send a
Speaker 1: letter to me and you can email me Vitamin D
Speaker 1: at dawn daispeaks dot com. Now understand, these are just
Speaker 1: my views and opinions. You eat the meat and you
Speaker 1: spit out the bones. Okay, I'm not saying I'm right
Speaker 1: or am I wrong. I'm just letting you know what
Speaker 1: I would do if I were you. So with that
Speaker 1: being said, I'm ready to dive into this letter. Okay.
Speaker 1: Subject had to put my mama out. Now, let me
Speaker 1: do that again. Subject had to put my own mama out. Hey, Dawn,
Speaker 1: I love listening to you. Just recently, my mama came
Speaker 1: back into my life after abandoning me at six years old.
Speaker 1: That was twenty three long years ago. My mama wasn't
Speaker 1: in my life like she should have been, you know,
Speaker 1: in and out of jail, couldn't keep a job, on drugs,
Speaker 1: laying up with different men, and just never ending mess
Speaker 1: of problems and bad choices. Well, four months ago she
Speaker 1: showed up on my doorstep, cleaned for the last two years,
Speaker 1: and wanted for us to be a family again. Oh Dawn,
Speaker 1: there was so much anger and hurt and bitter disappointment
Speaker 1: in me. I'm talking years and years of tears and
Speaker 1: awful hurt here. But I figured this may be the
Speaker 1: only chance that I'll ever have to have my mama back.
Speaker 1: I didn't want to look back and wonder what if.
Speaker 1: So me and my husband talked and we gave her
Speaker 1: a chance and took her in and of course, four
Speaker 1: weeks later, my mama relapsed, and she relapsed hard. It
Speaker 1: got so bad that I had to put my own
Speaker 1: mama out and I told her to leave us alone
Speaker 1: and to never ever come back here. And I've been
Speaker 1: crying in my husband's arms none stop ever since. Horribly
Speaker 1: sad for my mama and very very very angry at
Speaker 1: her at the same time. You know, I tried, Dawn,
Speaker 1: I really tried. But I can't keep letting her hurt
Speaker 1: me over and over again. Am I right? Sincerely yours missus,
Speaker 1: Eva Parker, aged twenty nine from Riverside, California. Well, there's
Speaker 1: a lot of ways we can go with this letter, right.
Speaker 1: My first question to you, Eva, Well, first, let me
Speaker 1: say thank you so much for writing in. Thank you
Speaker 1: so much for your vulnerability, thank you so much for sharing,
Speaker 1: and thank you so much for making room you still
Speaker 1: may roam no matter what. Now, the first question I
Speaker 1: got to ask you is what were your expectations? I
Speaker 1: feel as though expectations are unfair. See, there was something
Speaker 1: that you expected from your mother, the woman that gave
Speaker 1: birth to you, which wasn't promised. Okay, Now, one thing
Speaker 1: to take in consideration too. There's nothing wrong in your decision,
Speaker 1: just like any person who doesn't want to be loved,
Speaker 1: who doesn't want to be wanted, who doesn't want to
Speaker 1: be cared for, who doesn't want to be looked after,
Speaker 1: and what that comes with place of vulnerability and vulnerability
Speaker 1: is all about opening up. And that's what you did.
Speaker 1: It wasn't necessarily what you expected, which we will touch
Speaker 1: on that in a second. But like you said, you
Speaker 1: didn't want to live a life of what if. And
Speaker 1: I'm a person where you will hear me constantly say
Speaker 1: over and over again that you're going to have to
Speaker 1: take a chance on yourself. That means literally yourself and
Speaker 1: any opportunities, any chances, anything that you want to see,
Speaker 1: be calm do you are going to have to take
Speaker 1: a chance. Now. The next thing I want to say,
Speaker 1: your mother has been out of your life for twenty
Speaker 1: three years. You were six years old when you said
Speaker 1: that she abandoned you. Now for you to know that
Speaker 1: she has been in on and off drugs, I want
Speaker 1: to presume that you have seen her or had her
Speaker 1: at a distance, right, but there was some sort of contact, Okay. Nevertheless,
Speaker 1: for you not to know the intricacy of her lifestyle,
Speaker 1: I meantanding how bad addiction is. Would you or would
Speaker 1: you not say that she was a stranger. I mean,
Speaker 1: we do have our own brain at six years old,
Speaker 1: but there's no maturity there. And you've had twenty three
Speaker 1: years since she abandoned you that you lived your life.
Speaker 1: So you were essentially letting a stranger in, believe it
Speaker 1: or not, a stranger that looks like you, a stranger
Speaker 1: in which you carried the same DNA, but nevertheless a
Speaker 1: stranger because this is a woman that you do not know.
Speaker 1: So I have to ask you what were your expectations?
Speaker 1: M Now you said, am I wrong? No? You can't
Speaker 1: be wrong for loving on yourself. You can't be wrong
Speaker 1: for protecting yourself. You can't be wrong for doing what
Speaker 1: you have to do to stand by yourself. The only
Speaker 1: thing that you can be wrong with is disenfranchising yourself,
Speaker 1: putting yourself in situations that you know that you cannot
Speaker 1: prosper from. Okay, now, I'm just looking back at the letter.
Speaker 1: You said she left you as six years old. You
Speaker 1: said she was in and out of jail, couldn't keep
Speaker 1: a job, and on drugs, laying with different men, and
Speaker 1: just a never ending mess of problems and bad choices. See,
Speaker 1: one thing about history is it has a tendency to
Speaker 1: repeat itself. Nevertheless, it doesn't mean that it's too late
Speaker 1: to change. See, I'm all about grace, and to me,
Speaker 1: grace is all about making room, whether that's room for
Speaker 1: somebody else or that's room so that you can get
Speaker 1: to know the woman that left you. Because, believe it
Speaker 1: or not, it was probably a high stressful situation. I mean,
Speaker 1: you got two grown women in this house and her
Speaker 1: husband who are related, and one that is holding some
Speaker 1: bitter resentment. It's not healthy. But you were doing the
Speaker 1: best that you knew how with what was going on.
Speaker 1: Plus you took a cheae is because you said, well
Speaker 1: what if? What if this possibility? Now another thing, what
Speaker 1: do you know about addiction? HM? Like me and myself
Speaker 1: if I can keep it real, so you knowhing deal
Speaker 1: my addiction lines with food. If anybody has known me
Speaker 1: over the past several years, a couple of decades. Now,
Speaker 1: wait a minute, don't live tim H too much. My
Speaker 1: weight has always been an up and down thing and
Speaker 1: it's something that you're going to have to work intentionally with.
Speaker 1: In fact, I was just speaking with a friend the
Speaker 1: other day and she was sharing about a dude that
Speaker 1: she was talking to and he had kind of went
Speaker 1: kind of distant, and he said to her, he said,
Speaker 1: you know, I'm not in the best space right now.
Speaker 1: I've been dealing with substance abuse. And I said, wow,
Speaker 1: the vulnerability there. But she was so upset at the
Speaker 1: fact that he hadn't been in contact. And at the
Speaker 1: same time, I had looked at her and I said, well,
Speaker 1: did you reach out to him? I said, there was
Speaker 1: a level of vulnerability that he opened up to welcome
Speaker 1: you in. So did you reach out? She said no. See,
Speaker 1: when we talk about relationships, any type of relationships, one
Speaker 1: of the main things that we got to highlight is communication.
Speaker 1: Communication is so key, and what happens is you gotta
Speaker 1: be you gotta focus in on that channel because all
Speaker 1: around you it's gonna be static. Okay, it's gonna be
Speaker 1: confusion or in other words, a distraction. And I'm wondering
Speaker 1: if you distracted yourself of wanting the relationships so bad
Speaker 1: that you could not see who was standing, sitting walking
Speaker 1: in front of you, sitting beside you, who was behind you. Well,
Speaker 1: see that's why I had to ask you, what was
Speaker 1: your expectation. What did you expect? Did you allow yourself
Speaker 1: to see what it is for what it is? Because
Speaker 1: into knowing your mother, that means you have to know
Speaker 1: what addiction is. It means that you're gonna have to
Speaker 1: take a moment to understand. There's gonna have to be
Speaker 1: some grace that has to be made. And realizing that
Speaker 1: when you're dealing with addiction on anything that you have
Speaker 1: done consistency, whether in the right direction or the wrong direction,
Speaker 1: is that it's going to take time. And I know
Speaker 1: when the perfect world, with the rainbows and butterflies, y'all
Speaker 1: would have been scripting, skipping down the street, got some
Speaker 1: ice cream, went to the movies, out to dinner. You
Speaker 1: would have had so much. But you gotta realize what
Speaker 1: it is. And this is a woman just like you
Speaker 1: who is longing for this relationship, a woman just like
Speaker 1: you that deals with addiction. Now, your addiction may not
Speaker 1: be drugs, it may not be a lack of self confidence,
Speaker 1: it may not be you up here sleeping with a
Speaker 1: lot of men, but nevertheless, we all have our addictions.
Speaker 1: So when you say, Dawn, was I wrong, No, you
Speaker 1: weren't wrong. Taking a chance on yourself know you weren't
Speaker 1: wrong for allowing that energy child to feel love. No,
Speaker 1: you weren't wrong for wanting to have a relationship with
Speaker 1: your mother, but perhaps how you approached it could have
Speaker 1: been a little different. And what I mean by that
Speaker 1: is giving it some time, having some understanding about what
Speaker 1: the relifs is, putting yourself in a situation that if
Speaker 1: she were to relapse, that it wasn't such a shock,
Speaker 1: because it sounds like it shocked you to your core,
Speaker 1: and always saying sometimes you gotta treat certain people like
Speaker 1: you got an all white outfit on, And it doesn't
Speaker 1: mean that you don't love them. You just don't allow
Speaker 1: certain people to get too close or to put their
Speaker 1: hands on you. But they can still get a view,
Speaker 1: they can still be in arms reach. I mean, you
Speaker 1: think about it. You got on some nice shoes, you
Speaker 1: got on some all white shoes, you got on that
Speaker 1: all white outfit. You're not leaning across everything, you're not
Speaker 1: walking in all type of climates. You are sure to
Speaker 1: assess the situation. So again, the only fault that I
Speaker 1: put is what were your expectations? Now I don't know
Speaker 1: what her relapse. You didn't tell me if she called
Speaker 1: you outside of your name. You didn't tell me whether
Speaker 1: she stole anything from your house. You didn't tell me
Speaker 1: if she caused you or put you in any type
Speaker 1: of danger. So I really need some more information with
Speaker 1: that relapse. But coming from a person who can understand addiction,
Speaker 1: coming from a person who wants to feel needed, wanted
Speaker 1: and loved, I would probably get some counsel and figure
Speaker 1: out how to circle back on this, because, believe it
Speaker 1: or not, that six year old inside of you is
Speaker 1: still hurting. And to some they just see, oh, I
Speaker 1: had to put my mama out, but you had to
Speaker 1: put the one person that you loaned for out of
Speaker 1: your house. And I'm sure you still hurt. And I
Speaker 1: hope that you get some counsel, and I hope that
Speaker 1: you talk to somebody to not only understand what you
Speaker 1: are feeling, but also understand what it looks like to
Speaker 1: have I have a relationship with somebody that got an addiction.
Speaker 1: Ain't nobody perfect. I feel like when you think about
Speaker 1: relationships and you wouldn't think about love. It's all about
Speaker 1: how hard you're gonna hold on? Are you gonna hold
Speaker 1: on or are you gonna let go? Because yeah, Eva
Speaker 1: twenty nine year old can say I kicked my mama out,
Speaker 1: But what about that six year old girl that just
Speaker 1: felt like she was abandoned? M What about her? Because
Speaker 1: regardless of what you can understand at twenty nine years old,
Speaker 1: that six year old is still hurt and that six
Speaker 1: year old is inside of you. So no, I don't
Speaker 1: think you are wrong. I do think you have to
Speaker 1: evaluate what your expectations are and I feel as though
Speaker 1: you should make room to get some counseling. And if
Speaker 1: you can afford some counseling with her, or a counseling
Speaker 1: session with all of you, I think that would be
Speaker 1: great too, because at the end of the day, she
Speaker 1: was trying. I don't know what stress happened. I don't
Speaker 1: know what trigger, but we all have our triggers. So
Speaker 1: missus Eva Parker from Riverside, California, who came or wrote
Speaker 1: in with the letter, had to put my own mama out. No,
Speaker 1: I don't think you were wrong, and I will never
Speaker 1: fault you and I will never blame you for loving yourself.
Speaker 1: All right, I would love for you to write me
Speaker 1: back and let me know how things are going. I
Speaker 1: know there are quite a few people who have a
Speaker 1: troubling relationship with their parents. Now I may have shared
Speaker 1: with you, I'm not sure, but I didn't have a
Speaker 1: relationship with my dad. My dad died when I was
Speaker 1: three months years old, So I know there is some
Speaker 1: place in me that has daddy issues, but not the
Speaker 1: stereotypical or the plain view of what we say daddy issues.
Speaker 1: My mother was present. Was she perfect? No? But my
Speaker 1: mother was always active. She always showed up. But I
Speaker 1: have heard of situations where parents have abandoned their children,
Speaker 1: they have suffered from abuse. Shoot, I haven't seen it on
Speaker 1: social media of parents and grandparents cussing their kids out.
Speaker 1: I don't know what that looks like. I personally don't
Speaker 1: know what that feels like. But I know what it
Speaker 1: feels like to be loved by my mama, and I
Speaker 1: can't imagine the kind of pain or even wanting to
Speaker 1: feel that love and to not have it at all.
Speaker 1: So yeah, I think you got to get back to
Speaker 1: six year old Eva. I would recommend that you get
Speaker 1: some counseling, and if you can do some counseling with
Speaker 1: all of you guys, do that. So write me back
Speaker 1: and let me know. And that's what I got for
Speaker 1: your answer to your advice letter. All right, now, I
Speaker 1: want to encourage you that if you need an advice
Speaker 1: on your relationships, on your career, on love life, or
Speaker 1: just anything in general, send me an email Vitamin D
Speaker 1: at Dawn Dai speaks dot com. That's Vitamin D at
Speaker 1: dawn Dai speaks dot com. All right, and make sure
Speaker 1: you follow us on on social media at Vitamin D
Speaker 1: Dawn d Ai. And excuse me, you can follow me
Speaker 1: on my own personal social media Dawn d Ai speaks.
Speaker 1: We're gonna keep doing Vitamin D Live if you on TikTok,
Speaker 1: make sure you view us live there. I'll come back
Speaker 1: with some more dates, but in this specific timing. But
Speaker 1: we're doing some things. Yeah, all right, all right, well
Speaker 1: let me let me cut this off because this percrning
Speaker 1: is done. You know, I always say I'm in the
Speaker 1: business of making dreams come true, and I damn show
Speaker 1: ain't gonna forget about mine. So until next time, always
Speaker 1: remember you and your greatest asad get your Vitamin D.
Speaker 1: You right with me, and get excited about your life.