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Speaker 1: Hello everybody, and welcome back to the Psychology of Your Twenties,

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Speaker 1: the podcast where we talk through some of the big

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Speaker 1: life changes and transitions of our twenties and what they

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Speaker 1: mean for our psychology. Hello everybody, Welcome back to the show.

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Speaker 1: Welcome back to the podcast. New listeners, old listeners. Wherever

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Speaker 1: you are in the world, it is so great to

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Speaker 1: have you here. Back for another episode as we, of

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Speaker 1: course break down the psychology of our twenties. Today, my friends,

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Speaker 1: let's let's talk about happiness. We're going to talk about

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Speaker 1: what it means to be happy. Seemingly very very simple, right,

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Speaker 1: Such a simple word, probably the first emotion that you

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Speaker 1: think of when you think of emotions, and yet if

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Speaker 1: you are a human you will understand that it is

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Speaker 1: incredibly elusive at times, and actually a lot more complex

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Speaker 1: than we have been taught to think of it. As

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Speaker 1: humans have been talking about happiness for as long as

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Speaker 1: humans could basically talk. From I don't know, ancient philosophers

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Speaker 1: like Aristotle who believed happiness was like the highest human good,

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Speaker 1: to modern day neuroscientists who are obsessively studying the brain's

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Speaker 1: reward system. Humanity has been on what feels like a

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Speaker 1: relentless quest to uncover the secrets of a happy life

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Speaker 1: since humanity was I don't know invented existed since its origins.

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Speaker 1: But I personally think finding happiness these days, and like

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Speaker 1: I'm talking real happiness, like real deep life satisfaction and

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Speaker 1: contentment and joy, is really really hard. We are bombarded

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Speaker 1: with images of the perfect lives we see on social media.

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Speaker 1: There is this, you know, increase wide gap between rich

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Speaker 1: and poor. We are often convinced that happiness is like

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Speaker 1: a destination that we can reach if we just work

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Speaker 1: hard enough, if we buy the right things, if we

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Speaker 1: achieve the right milestones. And it's probably no surprise that

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Speaker 1: this narrow view is a huge part of the problem.

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Speaker 1: It sets us up for disappointment. It makes us feel

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Speaker 1: like failures when we don't reach the same level as

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Speaker 1: the people we see online, or we aren't able to

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Speaker 1: have the same lifestyle as people making millions and millions

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Speaker 1: of dollars. And I think it also I think a

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Speaker 1: big issue with how we view happiness right now is

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Speaker 1: as a singular thing. Happiness is a state, a singular

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Speaker 1: state that we want to be in as much as possible.

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Speaker 1: And I don't think that we really have an appreciation

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Speaker 1: for how perhaps less positive emotions actually contribute to satisfaction

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Speaker 1: and contribute to emotional wellbeing. I think we just think

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Speaker 1: of happiness as the ultimate goal without realizing everything that

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Speaker 1: it takes to get there and everything that we don't

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Speaker 1: actually require to be happy. So today we are going

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Speaker 1: to break down the myths, misconceptions, and of course the

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Speaker 1: science and psychology of true, genuine, lasting happiness. And we're

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Speaker 1: also going to go beyond quick fixes quick fixes for

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Speaker 1: feeling more happy. You know, everyone knows that seeing your

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Speaker 1: friends and exercising and meditating and journaling is going to

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Speaker 1: make you feel good. But what about some deeper, psychologically

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Speaker 1: backed strategies that can actually make this make happiness more

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Speaker 1: deeply ingrained and more effective to actually find. That's what

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Speaker 1: I really want to talk about. Some of the things

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Speaker 1: that are perhaps hidden in the psychology research, some of

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Speaker 1: the strategies that are hidden in the academia that I

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Speaker 1: think should be more popularized, that I think we should

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Speaker 1: be talking about more when we talk about a happy life.

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Speaker 1: So there are so much that we're going to discuss.

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Speaker 1: We're going to discuss whether like money makes you happier,

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Speaker 1: We're going to discuss whether it's possible to be happy always,

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Speaker 1: the happiest country in the world, the happiest people in

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Speaker 1: the world, everything you can think of that has to

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Speaker 1: do with this topic. We will be there. We're going

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Speaker 1: to sink our teeth into it. So without further ado,

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Speaker 1: let's get into it. So first things first, And I

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Speaker 1: know this is going to sound so silly and so basic,

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Speaker 1: but what are we actually talking about when we talk

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Speaker 1: about happiness? What do we actually mean here? Again? I

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Speaker 1: know it sounds silly. I know we probably think we

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Speaker 1: have a good grasp on this by now, But just

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Speaker 1: like human me for a second. Okay, the field we

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Speaker 1: actually need to turn to is not just the field

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Speaker 1: of psychology, but the field of positive psychology. Positive psychology

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Speaker 1: is basically like a unique branch of this discipline that

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Speaker 1: is dedicated to studying what makes life most worth living

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Speaker 1: and also what makes people happy. And that honestly sounds

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Speaker 1: like the most amazing job ever. Like, imagine your only

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Speaker 1: job is just to figure out how to be a

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Speaker 1: happier person. But researchers in this space have spent decades

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Speaker 1: trying to find, trying to measure, trying to define happiness,

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Speaker 1: amongst other things, and they found that in reality, it's

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Speaker 1: a lot more than just a single emotion as we've

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Speaker 1: been taught to view it as. There's actually two types

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Speaker 1: of happiness, herdonic and new demonic happiness. Herdonic happiness is,

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Speaker 1: I think the kind of happiness most of us initially

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Speaker 1: think of. It's basically the pursuit of pleasure and the

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Speaker 1: avoidance of pain. Very like a very simple equation. This

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Speaker 1: is like a combination of the feel good stuff like

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Speaker 1: the rush you get from a compliment, the satisfaction of

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Speaker 1: a delicious meal, you know, going on a roller coaster,

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Speaker 1: and then the subtraction of negative stuff like not feeling pain,

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Speaker 1: not feeling sad, not feeling hot break. This is basically

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Speaker 1: a utilitarian notion of happiness. We can basically determine how

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Speaker 1: happy someone is by summing up the pleasures and subtracting

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Speaker 1: the pains the experience of positive effect just like the

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Speaker 1: moment to moment feeling of joy. That is hordonic happiness.

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Speaker 1: But the problem is is that those moments are often

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Speaker 1: very short lived and they're often tied to external stimuli.

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Speaker 1: Hedonic happiness is really focused on the pleasure or the

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Speaker 1: joy that we get from having things, seeing things, being

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Speaker 1: around certain people you demonic. Happiness, on the other hand,

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Speaker 1: is about living a life of meaning and purpose and

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Speaker 1: self realization, even if maybe day to day you aren't

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Speaker 1: experiencing as many external highs. This concept really at first

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Speaker 1: started with Aristotle. We've already said his name once. He's

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Speaker 1: definitely like a key person in this discussion, but the

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Speaker 1: essentially suggested way back in the day that true well

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Speaker 1: being doesn't come from pleasure alone, but it comes from

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Speaker 1: fulfilling your deeply seated potential and living a life aligned

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Speaker 1: with your values. Think of like the profound sense of

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Speaker 1: pride that a parent feels watching their child graduate, or

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Speaker 1: like the quiet contentment of like a volunteer who has

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Speaker 1: dedicated their life to a cause they believe in even

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Speaker 1: when it was hard. Think about people who train for

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Speaker 1: multi day hikes or triathlons, and it's hard work, and

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Speaker 1: it's painful, and to be honest, it probably really sucks,

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Speaker 1: but then they complete it and they just feel this

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Speaker 1: deep sense of accomplishment, even if they hurt all over.

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Speaker 1: These moments may not always be easy. They're definitely not

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Speaker 1: filled to the brim with pleasure, but they are incredibly

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Speaker 1: rewarding on a much deeper level, and they are a

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Speaker 1: more sustainable form of happiness. Now, both types hedonic and

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Speaker 1: eutermonic are incredibly important for overall wellbeing, but they contribute

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Speaker 1: to our lives just simply in different ways. A great

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Speaker 1: framework for understanding these different facets, which you've probably heard

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Speaker 1: of if you've ever spent any time in positive psychology

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Speaker 1: or psychology in general, is the Perma model, which was

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Speaker 1: developed by the psychologist doctor Martin Stiegmann. He is like

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Speaker 1: a key figure within the field of positive psychology, and

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Speaker 1: he basically proposed that again, well being is not a

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Speaker 1: single feeling. We know that by now, but it is

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Speaker 1: built on five measurable elements, and these five elements obviously

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Speaker 1: create the acronym perma. So let's start with p. P

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Speaker 1: is positive emotions. This covers like the hedonic side of happiness,

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Speaker 1: the good feelings of hope, being in love, feeling grateful, giggling, smiling,

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Speaker 1: all those like nice, soft, floaty feelings that we experience

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Speaker 1: hopefully today. He is engagement. This is the state of flow.

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Speaker 1: We talk about this all the time. It's the state

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Speaker 1: where you are so completely mesmerized, absorbed, challenged by an

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Speaker 1: activity but also equally enthralled by it, that you lose

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Speaker 1: all sense of time and self. Now we find this

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Speaker 1: in our hobbies, we find it in our creative pursuits,

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Speaker 1: We find it in challenging work. We also find it

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Speaker 1: when we are pursuing or living out our purpose. Actually,

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Speaker 1: one of the initial conceptions of flow, or how we

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Speaker 1: initially discovered flow, was through this Russian psychologist who wanted

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Speaker 1: to figure out what highly successful people or had in common.

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Speaker 1: Whether they were ballerinas, whether they were CEOs, whether they

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Speaker 1: were athletes, doctors, whatever it was, and all of them

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Speaker 1: had this flow relationship with their work. Ah, I feel

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Speaker 1: like this one's very easily explainable. It's just relationships. There

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Speaker 1: are probably very few, if not no, people in this

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Speaker 1: world world who could be seriously happy without having strong,

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Speaker 1: positive relationships with other people. That is a fundamental human

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Speaker 1: need and it's also one of the most powerful predictors

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Speaker 1: of well being. What I really like about this perma

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Speaker 1: model is the inclusion of this and the fact that

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Speaker 1: happiness is not a solo experience, It's a joint one,

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Speaker 1: which I love. M Similar to E is meaning having

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Speaker 1: a sense of purpose, a sense of belonging to something

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Speaker 1: bigger than you having it, maybe a cause that you're

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Speaker 1: working towards, a spiritual practice, something that tells you like, oh,

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Speaker 1: I'm here for a reason. Existence does have a point

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Speaker 1: and I'm living out that point. And finally, a A is accomplishment,

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Speaker 1: the feeling of striving for and achieving goals. This provides

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Speaker 1: us with a sense with a sense of mastery. It

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Speaker 1: provides us with a sense of competence, which is also

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Speaker 1: another essential human need. So, according to this theory, true

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Speaker 1: happiness again, it isn't one thing, It's a blend of

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Speaker 1: all these elements. Research has consistently shown that individuals who

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Speaker 1: score highly or even moderately on all measures of PERMA

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Speaker 1: tend to report greater life satisfaction, greater overwhelm wellbeing. They

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Speaker 1: are happier compared to people who score you know, low

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Speaker 1: on these things. Are also compared to people who score

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Speaker 1: really high on just a few of these things. So,

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Speaker 1: for example, someone might make a lot of money, and

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Speaker 1: they might have seemingly a lot of friends and get

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Speaker 1: invited to a lot of parties and events, But if

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Speaker 1: they don't have meaning or many day to day positive emotions,

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Speaker 1: they may actually be less happy than someone who makes

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Speaker 1: a lot less money, maybe only has a few close friends,

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Speaker 1: but has a strong reason for being, has a strong

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Speaker 1: sense of personal accomplishment and a strong sense of engagement

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Speaker 1: in their life. It has to be a blend, right.

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Speaker 1: It's like trying to make a cake only with two

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Speaker 1: of the ingredients you need. What this theory really says

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Speaker 1: is you need all of them. There's so much research

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Speaker 1: on happiness and wellbeing, and I think it really begs

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Speaker 1: the question like can happiness actually ever be measured? Like,

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Speaker 1: you know, I just talked about this comparison between these

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Speaker 1: two people. Is that comparison actually possible? Is there like

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Speaker 1: a statistically scientifically mathematically is there there's the happiest person

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Speaker 1: in the world actually exists and could we find them? Well,

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Speaker 1: here's the thing. Happiness can be studied because of its

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Speaker 1: components can be measured, but it's really crucial to understand

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Speaker 1: a key distinction. We can't actually directly measure the feeling

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Speaker 1: of happiness itself, like we haven't actually gotten to that point.

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Speaker 1: We can only really measure like the behavioral and psychological

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Speaker 1: signifiers that indicate a happy or flourishing life. So, for example,

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Speaker 1: you know You can't directly measure sickness in somebody, but

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Speaker 1: you can measure a person's body temperature or a person's

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Speaker 1: white blood cell count, which is an indicator and these

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Speaker 1: you know, things like purpose and relationships and engagement. They

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Speaker 1: are the body temperature of the white white blood cell

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Speaker 1: count of happiness. And this is where models like PERMA

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Speaker 1: become so powerful. The elements within this model, they're all observable,

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Speaker 1: they're all quantifiable. That's what makes it a really great

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Speaker 1: psychological tool to understand perhaps where someone may be lacking

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Speaker 1: or why someone may be flourishing more than another person.

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Speaker 1: So scientifically we can measure individual indicators of happiness, but

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Speaker 1: in terms of finding the happiest person in the world,

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Speaker 1: it's going to be very, very hard because happiness, it

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Speaker 1: remains completely subjective. It is experienced differently between people, which

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Speaker 1: is why discussions around like optimism versus pessimism sometimes come up.

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Speaker 1: It's a core question, and you know at the center

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Speaker 1: of happiness research, are some people just inherently more happy

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Speaker 1: than others? Are they just born that way? Well, it

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Speaker 1: turns out some part of that is true. Some people

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Speaker 1: do have a genetic predisposition to finding better engagement, having

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Speaker 1: more positive emotions. But it's a bit more complicated. Our

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Speaker 1: level of happiness and the way we experience perma basically

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Speaker 1: is influenced by a combination of genetics, life circumstances, and

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Speaker 1: intentional activities. So there's this thing called the happiness set

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Speaker 1: point theory. It was famously proposed by the researcher professor

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Speaker 1: Sonia Lubromiski. She basically suggests that a significant portion of

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Speaker 1: our happiness, around fifty percent, is kind of something we're

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Speaker 1: born with. It's determined by our genes. We are born

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Speaker 1: with a genetically determined baseline level of happiness that we

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Speaker 1: tend to return to even after major life events, and

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Speaker 1: we don't really know any differently. Think about you know,

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Speaker 1: there are certain people you know who just always seem

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Speaker 1: really cheerful, always seem really resilient, They always bounce back

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Speaker 1: really quickly from setbacks. And then there are other people

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Speaker 1: you know who tend to be more reserved, super cautious,

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Speaker 1: who tend to just find themselves lingering on setbacks even

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Speaker 1: when they don't want to. Some of this isn't a

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Speaker 1: matter of choice. A significant part of this is inherited.

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Speaker 1: We know that through twins studies. Studies comparing identical twins

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Speaker 1: and fraternal twins consistently show that identical twins have far

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Speaker 1: more similar levels of happiness, even when they've been raised

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Speaker 1: in different families. Considering that identical twins share one hundred

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Speaker 1: percent of their genes of DNA and fraternal twins only

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Speaker 1: share about fifty percent, this suggests that a substantial portion

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Speaker 1: of our happiness, I'm not going to say substantial, a

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Speaker 1: portion of our happiness is hardwired into our DNA, and

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Speaker 1: this genetic component explains why, even after major life events,

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Speaker 1: both negative and positive, we tend to return to our

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Speaker 1: baseline level of happiness over time. So this really brings

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Speaker 1: us to life circumstances. Now, life circumstances actually make up

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Speaker 1: the smallest part of this equation. They tend to contribute

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Speaker 1: to only about ten percent of our overall happiness and

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Speaker 1: well being. So life circumstances it includes all the external

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Speaker 1: factors that make up our lives, so income, marital status, health,

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Speaker 1: even our appearance. Logically, we often assume these factors have

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Speaker 1: the biggest impact on our happiness. You know, after all,

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Speaker 1: like a pay raise, a new home, a new relationship,

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Speaker 1: feeling good in your body. That feels like it would

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Speaker 1: make us significantly happier for the long haul. However, in

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Speaker 1: reality it's a different story. This is largely due to

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Speaker 1: a phenomena we know as hedonic adaptation. We quickly get

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Speaker 1: used to new circumstances, whether they're good or bad, so

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Speaker 1: like the excitement of a new car or a big salary,

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Speaker 1: feels amazing for a little while, and then the feeling

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Speaker 1: kind of fades and we return to our emotional baseline.

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Speaker 1: This doesn't mean that these things don't matter at all.

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Speaker 1: You know, financial security, for example, is crucial for reducing

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Speaker 1: stress and can seriously lift someone's well being if they are,

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Speaker 1: you know, in poverty. But the impact on our long

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Speaker 1: term happiness after we've had this benefit or had this

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Speaker 1: thing for a while, does tend to become limited and

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Speaker 1: does tend to drop off. The most empowering and actionable

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Speaker 1: part of this model, and let me just say it

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Speaker 1: is a model. It's not always going to be one

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Speaker 1: hundred percent. It's definitely like there is evidence for and

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Speaker 1: against it. But the most actionable part of this model

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Speaker 1: is made up of our intentional activities, what we choose

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Speaker 1: to do with our time. This forty represents the portion

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Speaker 1: of our happiness that is entirely within our control, and

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Speaker 1: it all rests on the conscious things we do and

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Speaker 1: we think out on a regular basis. So this category

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Speaker 1: includes things like behavioral activities, so slowing down, engaging in

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Speaker 1: acts of kindness, exercising regularly, spending time in nature, making art,

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Speaker 1: giving back to the community, cognitive activities practicing gratitude, reframing

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Speaker 1: negative thoughts, cultivating an optimistic mindset, and then volitional activities

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Speaker 1: committing to meaningful goals, increasing our education levels, building strong relationships,

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Speaker 1: savoring positive experiences. By consistently engaging in these intentional activities,

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Speaker 1: we can deliberately actively increase our levels of happiness, regardless

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Speaker 1: of our genetic set point and regardless to a degree

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Speaker 1: of our life circumstances. In short, you can't change your genes,

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Speaker 1: you can't predict your circumstances. But having the right mindset

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Speaker 1: and your daily habits and choices are still incredibly powerful

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Speaker 1: tools for cultivating lasting joy and wellbeing. And I think

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Speaker 1: that the thing is is that even though genetics might

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Speaker 1: seem like it makes up a bigger slice of the pie,

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Speaker 1: there's not a single person who is like completely determined

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Speaker 1: to be unhappy in every single moment of their life,

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Speaker 1: so that forty percent of intentional things can still for

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Speaker 1: every single person, shift the balance and shift the scales

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Speaker 1: for them. Okay, we're going to take a short break here,

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Speaker 1: but when we return, let's talk about some of the

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Speaker 1: myths you may have seen swirling around about happiness recently.

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Speaker 1: You know, are we becoming less happy? Will making a

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Speaker 1: lot of money make you more happy? Well, hopefully I

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Speaker 1: have some answers to those very questions, plus of course,

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Speaker 1: some tips, so stay with us. I've recently been having

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Speaker 1: a lot of discussions with my friends recently about like,

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Speaker 1: are we as sad a generation? Is this generation just

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Speaker 1: bound to suffer because of the fact that the world

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Speaker 1: literally feels like it's on fire, and in some cases

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Speaker 1: in the past couple of years, has literally been on fire.

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Speaker 1: It seems like every time we catch up, like I

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Speaker 1: was at the beach with my friends. I was at

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Speaker 1: Bunda Beach the other day, and it's like, the first

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Speaker 1: thing we discussed is like, did you see the horrible

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Speaker 1: thing that happened in the news? Did you see what

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Speaker 1: like that government is doing this time? Did I tell

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Speaker 1: you about like these awful protests and how awful my

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Speaker 1: job is and however worked I am, and oh that, like,

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Speaker 1: you know, my financial situation is bad and I've lost

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Speaker 1: my job and blah blah blah. It's like every single

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Speaker 1: time we hang out, the first thing we have to

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Speaker 1: just get out of the way is like, all right,

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Speaker 1: let's just address how shit the news is and how

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Speaker 1: terrible the current state of the world is, and you know,

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Speaker 1: pretend for as long as we can or like try

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Speaker 1: and like get a respite from it and try and

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Speaker 1: pretend that it's not making everyone more miserable day by day.

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Speaker 1: It's hard to kind of keep your head above water.

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Speaker 1: At the moment, I've really been like pondering it, probably

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Speaker 1: because of social media and how I think people are

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Speaker 1: being more open about the fact that they're struggling and

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Speaker 1: are like really acknowledging that the circumstances of the world

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Speaker 1: are pretty dire. Are we becoming less happy as a collective?

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Speaker 1: Is this? Has there been a noticeable change in happiness levels?

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Speaker 1: So there are a couple of groups, a couple of

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Speaker 1: organizations that attempt to answer this very question year after year.

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Speaker 1: They also do a bunch of work around how money

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Speaker 1: economics and happiness tied together, and they also assess happiness

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Speaker 1: levels in each country. Turns out the happiest country in

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Speaker 1: the world, by the way, is Finland eight years in

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Speaker 1: a row as of twenty twenty five. If you're from Finland,

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Speaker 1: tell me what's happening in your country? That is making

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Speaker 1: out the case, because you guys are some happy folks.

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Speaker 1: But one of these attempts is the World Happiness Report.

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Speaker 1: It's conducted year after year by the University of Oxford

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Speaker 1: in collaboration with I think it's either Oxfam or the

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Speaker 1: un and then also Gallop, the survey company surveys. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: they do like surveys and polls, and the results have

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Speaker 1: shown a pretty stable average level of happiness over the

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Speaker 1: past few decades. Everyone's kind of sitting around like this

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Speaker 1: seventy mark, like not fifty where things are getting terrible,

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Speaker 1: Definitely not one hundred. However, recent analysis has revealed a

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Speaker 1: really concerning trend, particularly in younger generations. There have been

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Speaker 1: and has been a noticeable decline in happiness and the

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Speaker 1: life satisfaction of young people since around twenty ten. For

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Speaker 1: the first since these studies have been conducted in countless countries,

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Speaker 1: young adults are less happy than their older counterparts, and

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Speaker 1: obviously we want to address happiness and unhappiness in every

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Speaker 1: single age group and every single population, But we've kind

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Speaker 1: of always assumed that our youth is like this nice

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Speaker 1: golden bubble, or should be this nice golden bubble for

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Speaker 1: as many people as possible. So the fact that golden

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Speaker 1: bubble has seemingly burst is obviously making a lot of

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Speaker 1: people super concerned. Researchers point to a lot of different factors,

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Speaker 1: but of course, like it's an ongoing discussion, the rise

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Speaker 1: of social media is a big one. Everyone kind of

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Speaker 1: wants to pin on that, and in some ways I

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Speaker 1: do think it's responsible, like the rapid emergence of technology

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Speaker 1: has made it really hard to experience happiness subjectively without

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Speaker 1: comparing it to someone else. But there have been recent

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Speaker 1: articles and books written which are saying blaming social media

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Speaker 1: is actually just like a complete red herring, Like it's

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Speaker 1: really when you look at it, the impact of it

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Speaker 1: is not as severe as other things like economic conditions

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Speaker 1: or a sense of optimism for the future. But people

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Speaker 1: do continue to say that is a main contender. In

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Speaker 1: the twenty twenty four World Happiness Report, they did manage

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Speaker 1: to explicitly link the decline and youth well being to

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Speaker 1: increased internet usage. I actually saw a recent article from

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Speaker 1: the National Bureau of Economic Research which noted a specific

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Speaker 1: collapse in the well being of young people, especially women,

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Speaker 1: around twenty thirteen. What did that coincide with? That coincided

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Speaker 1: with the widespread adoption of smartphones, but again, economic hardship,

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Speaker 1: a sense of political instability, increased loneliness. They are all

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Speaker 1: also to blame. I think technology is just the easiest

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Speaker 1: one to kind of pint it on because it is

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Speaker 1: the thing that is most rapidly I think changed about

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Speaker 1: society in the last couple of decades. But again, like

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Speaker 1: back to this is that what's really concerning is that

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Speaker 1: it's mainly young people. And we have again always adopted

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Speaker 1: this belief based on this very famous U shaped curve

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Speaker 1: of happiness, that you should be the happiest version of

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Speaker 1: yourself in your late teens and in your twenties, and

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Speaker 1: you know, it's midlife where you should be really starting

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Speaker 1: to perhaps feeling the pressures of career and family and

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Speaker 1: financial responsibilities. A lot of that is now moving up.

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Speaker 1: People are adopting this sense of like anxiety and stress

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Speaker 1: and fear a lot earlier, and there are so many

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Speaker 1: explanations for that, but I feel like our twenties are

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Speaker 1: no longer this time for experimentation. In this time to

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Speaker 1: be a little bit carefree, it feels like you have

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Speaker 1: to get serious a lot quicker. It's also why we're

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Speaker 1: starting to see people have caughter life crisis. That's like

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Speaker 1: a new term that's only been introduced in the last

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Speaker 1: maybe fifteen years. It used to always be about the

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Speaker 1: midlife crisis, this point where people really had this like

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Speaker 1: moment of clarity and confusion and just like existential dread

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Speaker 1: around what their life really meant and what they really

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Speaker 1: wanted out of their life. That's happening earlier. People are

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Speaker 1: feeling less positive. And the thing is is that we're

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Speaker 1: not seeing much of a change in like that midlife

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Speaker 1: low point. People like in the later years are still

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Speaker 1: kind of experiencing the same levels of happiness, which is

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Speaker 1: a good thing, but it is really going to show

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Speaker 1: that there is this remarkable shift. The early twenties high

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Speaker 1: point is no longer the is no longer the norm.

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Speaker 1: Happiness feels harder in our twenties for a lot of

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Speaker 1: reasons things that aren't you. You know, there's this massive

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Speaker 1: social displacement or social splintering where all ours structures of

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Speaker 1: friendship just kind of like explode the moment that we

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Speaker 1: graduate high school or UNI, and you know, we are

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Speaker 1: expected to do so many things at once. Build a life,

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Speaker 1: build a career, build new social circles, build a primary,

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Speaker 1: stable romantic relationship. Also, whilst we're in like a new

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Speaker 1: you know, environment, also meant to build like financial wealth.

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Speaker 1: And so I think that a lot of us are

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Speaker 1: really really struggling, and a lot of us are really

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Speaker 1: thinking like, oh my god, is this like the next

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Speaker 1: forty years of my life? Not necessarily the case. A

432
00:27:33,160 --> 00:27:36,159
Speaker 1: lot of people think about that U turn of happiness

433
00:27:36,280 --> 00:27:38,800
Speaker 1: or that U shape of happiness and think like, all right, cool,

434
00:27:38,840 --> 00:27:41,640
Speaker 1: once I turn thirty, it all goes downhill. But it

435
00:27:41,680 --> 00:27:45,119
Speaker 1: is important to remember that it's this is a model.

436
00:27:45,240 --> 00:27:50,199
Speaker 1: It's not an individual diagnostic tool. It's not saying that

437
00:27:50,280 --> 00:27:54,400
Speaker 1: every single person's life will follow this like peak in twenties,

438
00:27:54,640 --> 00:27:57,840
Speaker 1: drop down in your forties and fifties, and then come

439
00:27:57,920 --> 00:28:00,919
Speaker 1: back up in your like sixties and seventies. It's just

440
00:28:00,960 --> 00:28:04,760
Speaker 1: saying that in terms of a collective. If we were

441
00:28:04,800 --> 00:28:07,480
Speaker 1: to put one hundred thousand people in the room and

442
00:28:08,119 --> 00:28:11,399
Speaker 1: plot their happiness, there would be this general kind of

443
00:28:11,680 --> 00:28:14,520
Speaker 1: flow or general pattern. Doesn't mean that you can't be

444
00:28:14,560 --> 00:28:18,000
Speaker 1: the outlier. Doesn't mean that people don't shift up and

445
00:28:18,080 --> 00:28:21,360
Speaker 1: down that scale over the years, Like you may have

446
00:28:21,400 --> 00:28:23,520
Speaker 1: like a really great year at forty five, and then

447
00:28:23,640 --> 00:28:25,800
Speaker 1: you know, at forty six you get fired, and the

448
00:28:25,880 --> 00:28:27,520
Speaker 1: average of that is kind of in the middle. It

449
00:28:27,560 --> 00:28:30,040
Speaker 1: doesn't mean that there is a lack of positive emotions

450
00:28:30,480 --> 00:28:34,439
Speaker 1: in midlife. I really don't want that to spread. Like

451
00:28:34,840 --> 00:28:38,440
Speaker 1: people are still experiencing happiness despite the model saying that

452
00:28:38,480 --> 00:28:42,000
Speaker 1: there is a dip. The dip doesn't glo below fifty,

453
00:28:42,120 --> 00:28:44,920
Speaker 1: so it is like people are still on the up,

454
00:28:45,640 --> 00:28:48,719
Speaker 1: mostly happy. But the fact that that's shifting earlier is

455
00:28:48,760 --> 00:28:51,880
Speaker 1: really showing that the global rate of happiness is kind

456
00:28:51,920 --> 00:28:55,560
Speaker 1: of diminishing. I just want to make sure that we

457
00:28:56,000 --> 00:28:58,360
Speaker 1: put that in there so that no one's like sitting here,

458
00:28:58,760 --> 00:29:01,200
Speaker 1: maybe on the cusp of thirty, maybe on the custom

459
00:29:01,480 --> 00:29:04,560
Speaker 1: of their late twenties, thinking oh my god, wow, I've

460
00:29:04,560 --> 00:29:06,120
Speaker 1: got to strap in for this like part of the

461
00:29:06,200 --> 00:29:08,840
Speaker 1: roller coaster. No, absolutely not. There are still joy and

462
00:29:08,880 --> 00:29:12,320
Speaker 1: great stuff waiting for you. So, with that or being said,

463
00:29:13,040 --> 00:29:15,120
Speaker 1: I do want to break down some of the other

464
00:29:15,680 --> 00:29:21,240
Speaker 1: key myths that we might be being sold about happiness,

465
00:29:21,800 --> 00:29:25,800
Speaker 1: whether deliberately and explicitly or kind of implicitly. The first

466
00:29:25,960 --> 00:29:30,480
Speaker 1: myth being you can be happy all the time, or

467
00:29:30,560 --> 00:29:34,520
Speaker 1: you can only be happy if things are going really,

468
00:29:34,600 --> 00:29:38,120
Speaker 1: really great for you. Oh my goodness, if only I

469
00:29:38,120 --> 00:29:42,240
Speaker 1: had known how false this was, it would have saved

470
00:29:42,240 --> 00:29:46,440
Speaker 1: me a whole lot of confusion and therapy sessions, specifically

471
00:29:46,520 --> 00:29:48,600
Speaker 1: therapy sessions where I would like sit with my therapists

472
00:29:48,600 --> 00:29:51,800
Speaker 1: can basically be like, please give me the secret to

473
00:29:51,880 --> 00:29:55,680
Speaker 1: eliminating all non positive emotions, Like give me the secret

474
00:29:55,760 --> 00:29:58,680
Speaker 1: to not being sad, give me the secret to curing

475
00:29:58,720 --> 00:30:02,880
Speaker 1: my grief. Surprise, surprise, there was no secret. It's just

476
00:30:02,960 --> 00:30:05,440
Speaker 1: a part of life. The idea that we should be

477
00:30:05,440 --> 00:30:08,800
Speaker 1: in a constant state of bliss is not only unrealistic,

478
00:30:09,000 --> 00:30:12,160
Speaker 1: as I think we have all learned, it's also deeply unhealthy.

479
00:30:12,760 --> 00:30:15,000
Speaker 1: Life is a full spectrum of emotions and to be

480
00:30:15,040 --> 00:30:17,400
Speaker 1: truly human. I think you realize this, Like the older

481
00:30:17,440 --> 00:30:20,960
Speaker 1: you get is to experience them all. That's like the

482
00:30:21,000 --> 00:30:23,920
Speaker 1: whole point the modern obsession that we have with like

483
00:30:23,960 --> 00:30:28,440
Speaker 1: perpetual positivity, sets us up for failure. It also leads

484
00:30:28,480 --> 00:30:31,880
Speaker 1: to a lack of what psychologists call emo diversity. And

485
00:30:31,880 --> 00:30:34,640
Speaker 1: we've talked about this on the podcast before, but let's

486
00:30:34,640 --> 00:30:38,080
Speaker 1: just revisit it. So there was this groundbreaking study published

487
00:30:38,120 --> 00:30:42,440
Speaker 1: in the Journal of Experimental Psychology back in twenty fourteen,

488
00:30:42,520 --> 00:30:45,960
Speaker 1: so over a decade ago now that introduced this concept

489
00:30:46,040 --> 00:30:51,200
Speaker 1: of EMO diversity and drew an analogy from the environment

490
00:30:51,320 --> 00:30:55,680
Speaker 1: and from ecology. Just as biodiversity we know is totally

491
00:30:55,680 --> 00:30:59,200
Speaker 1: crucial for a healthy ecosystem, Like you need the bugs,

492
00:30:59,240 --> 00:31:01,000
Speaker 1: you need the dirt, you need the swamps to have

493
00:31:01,080 --> 00:31:04,080
Speaker 1: the pretty birds and the bees and the flowers, EMO

494
00:31:04,200 --> 00:31:07,280
Speaker 1: diversity points to the fact that we need a variety

495
00:31:07,320 --> 00:31:11,960
Speaker 1: and relative abundance of emotions for psychological health. Basically, you

496
00:31:12,000 --> 00:31:14,520
Speaker 1: need the disgust, you need the fear, you need the embarrassment,

497
00:31:14,560 --> 00:31:17,680
Speaker 1: the sadness to have the amusement, the or the hope,

498
00:31:17,760 --> 00:31:22,520
Speaker 1: the gratitude. The researchers, which were led by doctor Jordie Quodback,

499
00:31:23,000 --> 00:31:26,640
Speaker 1: found that people who experienced a wide range of both

500
00:31:26,920 --> 00:31:31,960
Speaker 1: positive and so called negative emotions, they were actually less

501
00:31:32,000 --> 00:31:34,760
Speaker 1: likely to suffer from depression and they were more i

502
00:31:34,760 --> 00:31:38,719
Speaker 1: would say, better equipped to handle life's challenges, which is

503
00:31:38,840 --> 00:31:41,680
Speaker 1: so counter to I guess what I once believed what

504
00:31:41,760 --> 00:31:44,360
Speaker 1: a lot of us believe. That is, to be happy,

505
00:31:44,600 --> 00:31:47,760
Speaker 1: you must experience as much happiness as possible. You have

506
00:31:47,800 --> 00:31:49,240
Speaker 1: to load it up, you have to make it like

507
00:31:50,160 --> 00:31:54,120
Speaker 1: burst at the scenes like this is an equation where

508
00:31:54,120 --> 00:31:56,200
Speaker 1: the more of one thing, the more happiness you have,

509
00:31:56,560 --> 00:31:59,480
Speaker 1: the more the output will be a happy one. That

510
00:31:59,520 --> 00:32:02,080
Speaker 1: doesn't see to be the case. What they found time

511
00:32:02,120 --> 00:32:05,080
Speaker 1: and time again. The takeaway is that you need to

512
00:32:05,120 --> 00:32:09,640
Speaker 1: be in touch with all different sides of yourself and

513
00:32:09,680 --> 00:32:13,560
Speaker 1: how you respond to certain hard and great things in

514
00:32:13,720 --> 00:32:18,120
Speaker 1: order to feel good. All of our emotions serve a purpose.

515
00:32:18,560 --> 00:32:21,000
Speaker 1: Suppressing them firstly just means that they're going to crop

516
00:32:21,080 --> 00:32:23,240
Speaker 1: up when you least expect them and don't want to

517
00:32:23,240 --> 00:32:25,360
Speaker 1: deal with them, and you won't have the skills to

518
00:32:25,400 --> 00:32:27,800
Speaker 1: deal with them. But also you will miss out on

519
00:32:27,840 --> 00:32:31,480
Speaker 1: the fact that you know, sadness and grief is a

520
00:32:31,520 --> 00:32:34,000
Speaker 1: sign that true love and deep love has been in

521
00:32:34,040 --> 00:32:39,400
Speaker 1: your life. You know, anger can motivate you to confront injustice.

522
00:32:40,000 --> 00:32:43,560
Speaker 1: Anxiety is like a great warning system for threats or

523
00:32:43,800 --> 00:32:46,400
Speaker 1: the sign that something in your life needs to change. Like,

524
00:32:46,800 --> 00:32:50,080
Speaker 1: these are all messengers, they are all crucial parts of

525
00:32:50,120 --> 00:32:54,360
Speaker 1: our emo diversity, of our emotional ecosystem. So when you

526
00:32:54,560 --> 00:32:57,400
Speaker 1: just chase constant happiness, it might actually lead you to

527
00:32:57,440 --> 00:33:00,240
Speaker 1: emotional suppression and it might actually make it hard for

528
00:33:00,280 --> 00:33:04,520
Speaker 1: you to be happy in the long term. Myth, too,

529
00:33:04,600 --> 00:33:07,440
Speaker 1: which is kind of similar, is when I get this,

530
00:33:07,600 --> 00:33:09,640
Speaker 1: or when I get there, or when I get that,

531
00:33:10,320 --> 00:33:14,000
Speaker 1: I will be happy. Viewing happiness as a destination. I

532
00:33:14,040 --> 00:33:16,240
Speaker 1: think we've all said it before, like, Okay, I just

533
00:33:16,320 --> 00:33:18,560
Speaker 1: need to get this promotion, and then I'll be super

534
00:33:18,560 --> 00:33:22,240
Speaker 1: happy when I get the boyfriend, the girlfriend, the partner,

535
00:33:22,520 --> 00:33:25,120
Speaker 1: Like everything's going to lock into gear for me. I

536
00:33:25,160 --> 00:33:28,480
Speaker 1: just need to get past this bad period at work.

537
00:33:28,480 --> 00:33:30,160
Speaker 1: I just need to fix this thing. I just need

538
00:33:30,200 --> 00:33:33,320
Speaker 1: to achieve that thing. I just need to master literally everything.

539
00:33:34,080 --> 00:33:36,080
Speaker 1: This belief, I'm going to just say it loud and clear,

540
00:33:36,360 --> 00:33:38,960
Speaker 1: is a trap, and it is a common one at

541
00:33:38,960 --> 00:33:42,280
Speaker 1: that once we get to that point that we have

542
00:33:42,440 --> 00:33:45,720
Speaker 1: put and we have fantasized about, we put so much

543
00:33:45,760 --> 00:33:50,040
Speaker 1: of our promise for the future in the goalpost just

544
00:33:50,080 --> 00:33:53,200
Speaker 1: moves further and moves further and further and further, and

545
00:33:53,200 --> 00:33:55,840
Speaker 1: we have this thing that we've so desired, and we've

546
00:33:55,840 --> 00:34:00,400
Speaker 1: realized that we've placed a lot of our bet on

547
00:34:00,440 --> 00:34:05,760
Speaker 1: this thing making life better. Meanwhile, the foundation around it

548
00:34:05,800 --> 00:34:09,480
Speaker 1: is not there for us to actually be happy. This concept,

549
00:34:09,680 --> 00:34:13,400
Speaker 1: it's known as hedonic adaptation. Basically, we get used to

550
00:34:14,600 --> 00:34:17,799
Speaker 1: both positive and negative circumstances. So even if a really

551
00:34:17,800 --> 00:34:21,040
Speaker 1: great thing happens to you, it still doesn't always feel

552
00:34:21,080 --> 00:34:25,160
Speaker 1: like it means a lot long term, and you basically

553
00:34:25,160 --> 00:34:29,560
Speaker 1: get used to the happiness that initially elicited. So this

554
00:34:29,719 --> 00:34:34,560
Speaker 1: concept was first proposed by the psychologist Donald Campbell Philip Brickman,

555
00:34:34,680 --> 00:34:39,480
Speaker 1: I think in like the nineteen seventies, and the basis

556
00:34:39,520 --> 00:34:43,920
Speaker 1: for this concept was a really famous study on lottery

557
00:34:43,960 --> 00:34:49,319
Speaker 1: winners and accident victims, two sides of the spectrum, and

558
00:34:49,360 --> 00:34:52,960
Speaker 1: they found that, you know, whilst the lottery winners experienced

559
00:34:53,000 --> 00:34:57,920
Speaker 1: this like initial surgeon happiness and accident victims experienced a

560
00:34:57,960 --> 00:35:02,120
Speaker 1: deep drop in their well being, over time, both groups

561
00:35:02,200 --> 00:35:06,840
Speaker 1: tended to return to their original happiness baseline, that same

562
00:35:07,320 --> 00:35:11,520
Speaker 1: happiness set point that we mentioned earlier. Our brains, they

563
00:35:11,560 --> 00:35:14,720
Speaker 1: have this remarkable ability to adapt to new circumstances. Both

564
00:35:14,760 --> 00:35:17,319
Speaker 1: good and bad, which is a great thing. You know.

565
00:35:17,400 --> 00:35:20,040
Speaker 1: It also means that when terrible things happen, hopefully a

566
00:35:20,040 --> 00:35:23,120
Speaker 1: lot of people can rebound. So, you know, whilst achieving

567
00:35:23,160 --> 00:35:26,080
Speaker 1: a goal might give you a great rush, would you

568
00:35:26,160 --> 00:35:28,560
Speaker 1: quickly get used to it and we start looking for

569
00:35:28,600 --> 00:35:31,600
Speaker 1: the next thing to make us happy, the new car,

570
00:35:31,800 --> 00:35:35,479
Speaker 1: the new fancy gadget, the new relationship. Yeah, it feels

571
00:35:35,520 --> 00:35:39,560
Speaker 1: amazing at first. The novelty then wears off. You know,

572
00:35:39,600 --> 00:35:42,239
Speaker 1: I always use the analogy of like getting a new

573
00:35:42,280 --> 00:35:45,719
Speaker 1: piece of clothing and being like, yes, finally my closet

574
00:35:45,760 --> 00:35:48,719
Speaker 1: is complete. Do you ever have this feeling where you're like, oh, yes,

575
00:35:48,800 --> 00:35:50,759
Speaker 1: finally I don't need to buy any more clothes. I

576
00:35:50,800 --> 00:35:53,839
Speaker 1: have everything I need, everything that I thought the best

577
00:35:53,840 --> 00:35:57,400
Speaker 1: wardrobe would have, and then, like you wear it a

578
00:35:57,400 --> 00:35:59,480
Speaker 1: few times, you get sick, give the next piece and

579
00:35:59,480 --> 00:36:01,120
Speaker 1: you're like, oh god, I don't have any clothes. Like.

580
00:36:01,560 --> 00:36:03,439
Speaker 1: I know, it's a silly analogy, but that's the same

581
00:36:03,480 --> 00:36:07,680
Speaker 1: thing that's happening here. Obviously, that doesn't mean like give

582
00:36:07,800 --> 00:36:12,160
Speaker 1: up on working towards things you want or achieving goals,

583
00:36:12,320 --> 00:36:16,239
Speaker 1: or you know, giving yourself a sweet treat or like

584
00:36:16,280 --> 00:36:19,799
Speaker 1: a fun little prize every now and again, not at all.

585
00:36:19,840 --> 00:36:22,319
Speaker 1: Like these are all important contributions, but they are not

586
00:36:22,560 --> 00:36:26,759
Speaker 1: the foundation, and they cannot be happiness as only sustenance.

587
00:36:27,280 --> 00:36:30,160
Speaker 1: It's like when you only focus on the external stuff.

588
00:36:30,160 --> 00:36:32,040
Speaker 1: It's like trying to build a house by starting with

589
00:36:32,080 --> 00:36:35,640
Speaker 1: the decorations or starting with the wallpaper or the furniture,

590
00:36:35,840 --> 00:36:38,319
Speaker 1: when you don't even have the walls yet. It is

591
00:36:38,360 --> 00:36:41,879
Speaker 1: a much more internal experience or a daily habit than

592
00:36:42,600 --> 00:36:45,239
Speaker 1: a one off and that's probably counted to what we've

593
00:36:45,280 --> 00:36:48,080
Speaker 1: been taught. But it's important that we know that. Now.

594
00:36:48,120 --> 00:36:51,560
Speaker 1: I mentioned lottery winners before. They actually come up quite

595
00:36:51,560 --> 00:36:54,240
Speaker 1: a bit when people research happiness. As it turns out,

596
00:36:54,719 --> 00:36:58,560
Speaker 1: especially when people want to answer this question, does money

597
00:36:58,960 --> 00:37:01,840
Speaker 1: make us happier? Well, I don't know if you already

598
00:37:01,840 --> 00:37:03,719
Speaker 1: know the answer. You may or may not, but you

599
00:37:03,800 --> 00:37:07,359
Speaker 1: may not know all the research behind the answer. So

600
00:37:07,880 --> 00:37:10,000
Speaker 1: stay with us. We're going to talk about that and

601
00:37:10,160 --> 00:37:19,040
Speaker 1: so much more in just a second. So we're breaking

602
00:37:19,080 --> 00:37:21,879
Speaker 1: down some of the myths of happiness, which brings us

603
00:37:21,920 --> 00:37:25,320
Speaker 1: to one of the most significant, which is myth three

604
00:37:25,880 --> 00:37:30,840
Speaker 1: money will make me happier. We've all heard that phrase

605
00:37:30,920 --> 00:37:33,480
Speaker 1: like money can't buy you happiness or money can buy

606
00:37:33,520 --> 00:37:35,319
Speaker 1: you happiness. I don't know which way you're hearing it,

607
00:37:35,400 --> 00:37:39,359
Speaker 1: but which one of those is true. So what you

608
00:37:39,400 --> 00:37:41,520
Speaker 1: need to know if you want to answer this question

609
00:37:41,760 --> 00:37:45,360
Speaker 1: is you need to know of a very famous twenty

610
00:37:45,440 --> 00:37:49,280
Speaker 1: ten study done by Nobel Prize winners Daniel Cayman and

611
00:37:49,320 --> 00:37:54,000
Speaker 1: Angus Steeton from Princeton Princeton University. I was gonna say Columbia,

612
00:37:54,000 --> 00:37:57,600
Speaker 1: but from Princeton University, which basically they wanted to answer

613
00:37:57,600 --> 00:37:59,359
Speaker 1: this question. They wanted to really just like for once

614
00:37:59,400 --> 00:38:02,440
Speaker 1: and for all, investigate this, give us a clear answer.

615
00:38:03,000 --> 00:38:07,760
Speaker 1: And what they found was that emotional wellbeing does tend

616
00:38:07,800 --> 00:38:12,120
Speaker 1: to rise with income up until a point, and that

617
00:38:12,200 --> 00:38:15,320
Speaker 1: point in the year twenty ten was seventy five thousand

618
00:38:15,360 --> 00:38:18,279
Speaker 1: dollars a year in the US, which is about one

619
00:38:18,360 --> 00:38:21,560
Speaker 1: hundred and ten thousand dollars now when we calculate for inflation.

620
00:38:22,480 --> 00:38:26,560
Speaker 1: Beyond that point, more money didn't seem to make a

621
00:38:26,600 --> 00:38:30,719
Speaker 1: significant difference to people's daily feelings of happiness. This is

622
00:38:30,760 --> 00:38:34,359
Speaker 1: because having enough money to meet our basic needs and

623
00:38:34,400 --> 00:38:38,560
Speaker 1: to live comfortably without the stress of bills and financial

624
00:38:38,800 --> 00:38:42,840
Speaker 1: insecurity that initially has a huge life changing impact on

625
00:38:42,880 --> 00:38:46,000
Speaker 1: our wellbeing. I was actually listening to the comedian Robbie

626
00:38:46,040 --> 00:38:49,200
Speaker 1: Hoffman talk about this the other day, freaking. I think

627
00:38:49,239 --> 00:38:52,680
Speaker 1: she is the funniest person alive. I find her absolutely hilarious.

628
00:38:52,680 --> 00:38:54,799
Speaker 1: But she grew up really, really poor. I think she

629
00:38:54,880 --> 00:38:57,800
Speaker 1: was like one of ten kids. And she spoke really

630
00:38:58,440 --> 00:39:01,319
Speaker 1: candidly about how well when she started making money as

631
00:39:01,320 --> 00:39:04,080
Speaker 1: a comedian and as a writer and as an actress,

632
00:39:04,120 --> 00:39:07,360
Speaker 1: like that changed her life. But she was like, you know,

633
00:39:08,280 --> 00:39:09,719
Speaker 1: I have a lot of now, I have a lot

634
00:39:09,760 --> 00:39:12,360
Speaker 1: of rich friends who have come into even more money,

635
00:39:12,360 --> 00:39:14,399
Speaker 1: and they're like, oh yeah, I didn't really experience that.

636
00:39:14,520 --> 00:39:19,560
Speaker 1: Like I was always kind of okay and kind of stable,

637
00:39:19,600 --> 00:39:21,799
Speaker 1: and they're like, this didn't really change anything to me,

638
00:39:22,640 --> 00:39:25,439
Speaker 1: you know, beyond the basic needs plus some fun money,

639
00:39:25,560 --> 00:39:30,200
Speaker 1: some non essentials, maybe some travel money cannot alleviate the

640
00:39:30,239 --> 00:39:33,759
Speaker 1: problems that were already there, especially for people who were

641
00:39:33,800 --> 00:39:38,240
Speaker 1: already struggling. A more recent twenty eighteen study actually adds

642
00:39:38,360 --> 00:39:41,920
Speaker 1: a fascinating nuance to this. They found that whilst people

643
00:39:41,960 --> 00:39:46,920
Speaker 1: with higher incomes tend to experience more positive emotions centered

644
00:39:46,960 --> 00:39:51,880
Speaker 1: on themselves, like pride or as sense of accomplishment, lower

645
00:39:51,880 --> 00:39:55,239
Speaker 1: income people are more likely to experience more positive emotions

646
00:39:55,280 --> 00:40:01,280
Speaker 1: related to others, like love and compassion. In this paper,

647
00:40:01,320 --> 00:40:05,040
Speaker 1: it was published in the journal Emotion. These researchers concluded,

648
00:40:05,080 --> 00:40:07,840
Speaker 1: and I quote, what seems to be the case is

649
00:40:07,880 --> 00:40:11,680
Speaker 1: that your wealth predisposes you to different kinds of happiness.

650
00:40:12,200 --> 00:40:18,040
Speaker 1: Whilst wealthy individuals may find greater positivity in their accomplishments, status,

651
00:40:18,080 --> 00:40:21,759
Speaker 1: and individual achievements, less wealthy individuals seem to find more

652
00:40:21,800 --> 00:40:25,560
Speaker 1: positivity and happiness in their relationships, their ability to care

653
00:40:25,800 --> 00:40:29,880
Speaker 1: for an ability to connect to others, which to me,

654
00:40:30,920 --> 00:40:32,719
Speaker 1: I don't know about you, that sounds like a much

655
00:40:32,719 --> 00:40:37,239
Speaker 1: more enriching and sustainable source of happiness. It's gonna I know,

656
00:40:37,280 --> 00:40:39,200
Speaker 1: I'm sorry it's gonna sound cliche, but what is the

657
00:40:39,239 --> 00:40:42,520
Speaker 1: point of an accomplishment if you don't have anyone to

658
00:40:42,560 --> 00:40:44,880
Speaker 1: share it with. I felt this like when I published

659
00:40:44,880 --> 00:40:47,240
Speaker 1: my book, right, Yeah, it was great publishing a book,

660
00:40:47,600 --> 00:40:50,680
Speaker 1: and I felt such a sense of pride. But then

661
00:40:50,719 --> 00:40:53,239
Speaker 1: I got to do this whole big party with like

662
00:40:53,400 --> 00:40:56,319
Speaker 1: my friends and my family and the people who had

663
00:40:56,320 --> 00:40:59,120
Speaker 1: helped me and done such amazing things to support me

664
00:40:59,120 --> 00:41:00,879
Speaker 1: whilst I was doing that. That was like the best

665
00:41:00,960 --> 00:41:04,239
Speaker 1: day of my life. Like that was amazing that I

666
00:41:04,239 --> 00:41:07,000
Speaker 1: got to you know, do that with them and got

667
00:41:07,000 --> 00:41:09,239
Speaker 1: to like have an open bar and like shout some

668
00:41:09,320 --> 00:41:12,359
Speaker 1: drinks and eat cake with them, and you know, that

669
00:41:12,520 --> 00:41:15,319
Speaker 1: was more meaningful than the individual accomplishment of it all.

670
00:41:16,360 --> 00:41:19,000
Speaker 1: I will say. The thing is is that money may

671
00:41:19,000 --> 00:41:23,120
Speaker 1: not buy happiness to play Devil's advocate. It does buy convenience,

672
00:41:23,640 --> 00:41:26,160
Speaker 1: which may actually give you more time to be around

673
00:41:26,480 --> 00:41:28,719
Speaker 1: the people you value and to do the things that

674
00:41:28,760 --> 00:41:32,880
Speaker 1: you love, which does contribute overall to happiness. For example,

675
00:41:32,920 --> 00:41:35,640
Speaker 1: you know, if you can afford to buy groceries online

676
00:41:35,680 --> 00:41:37,799
Speaker 1: at that extra cost, meaning you have more time to

677
00:41:37,800 --> 00:41:40,840
Speaker 1: spend with your kids, you probably will be happier. Or

678
00:41:40,840 --> 00:41:43,319
Speaker 1: if you can uber rather than public transport, meaning you

679
00:41:43,320 --> 00:41:45,440
Speaker 1: have more time in the morning to slow down or

680
00:41:45,760 --> 00:41:47,680
Speaker 1: to get to a function early, or to like spend

681
00:41:47,719 --> 00:41:51,560
Speaker 1: time on self care, you will be happier. But at

682
00:41:51,600 --> 00:41:55,399
Speaker 1: some stage it probably also isolates you, which is why

683
00:41:55,440 --> 00:41:58,040
Speaker 1: I think a lot of rich people are only friends

684
00:41:58,040 --> 00:42:01,120
Speaker 1: with other rich people, And like I kind of wonder,

685
00:42:01,200 --> 00:42:03,839
Speaker 1: you know, what happened to like the people they were

686
00:42:03,840 --> 00:42:06,680
Speaker 1: friends with when they had no money or when they

687
00:42:06,680 --> 00:42:11,719
Speaker 1: were really struggling, where did those people kind of go?

688
00:42:11,920 --> 00:42:14,279
Speaker 1: It's like when people always wonder I saw this on

689
00:42:14,320 --> 00:42:16,400
Speaker 1: Instagram the other day, like when do Aleipa goes on

690
00:42:16,480 --> 00:42:19,920
Speaker 1: vacation with her like childhood friends, like does she pay like?

691
00:42:20,320 --> 00:42:22,560
Speaker 1: Or do they pay like? At some point, I think

692
00:42:22,600 --> 00:42:27,000
Speaker 1: money can also become something that puts puts like a

693
00:42:27,040 --> 00:42:31,920
Speaker 1: brick wall between you and other people. So if happiness

694
00:42:32,080 --> 00:42:35,760
Speaker 1: isn't about chasing money, it isn't about chasing constant pleasure,

695
00:42:35,840 --> 00:42:39,880
Speaker 1: it isn't about chasing external achievements, what can we actually

696
00:42:39,880 --> 00:42:42,600
Speaker 1: do to cultivate it contra, you know, counter to what

697
00:42:42,640 --> 00:42:46,160
Speaker 1: everyone's been saying would be able to help us. So

698
00:42:46,200 --> 00:42:49,680
Speaker 1: I'm gonna give you four practical, of course psychology backed

699
00:42:49,880 --> 00:42:53,160
Speaker 1: strategies that go beyond like journaling and exercise, which we

700
00:42:53,200 --> 00:42:56,040
Speaker 1: know are important to hopefully, like enrich your life in

701
00:42:56,080 --> 00:43:00,200
Speaker 1: a seriously deep way, at least I hope. So I

702
00:43:00,200 --> 00:43:03,200
Speaker 1: want to give you two tools for now and two

703
00:43:03,239 --> 00:43:06,719
Speaker 1: tools for the long term. Starting with my first tool,

704
00:43:06,960 --> 00:43:11,480
Speaker 1: which is to make a happiness blueprint. So my therapist

705
00:43:11,600 --> 00:43:15,720
Speaker 1: actually taught me this as a way to savor positive experiences.

706
00:43:16,440 --> 00:43:21,080
Speaker 1: When something good happens, you receive a compliment. You know,

707
00:43:21,160 --> 00:43:23,920
Speaker 1: you watch a really beautiful sunset, you have like a

708
00:43:24,040 --> 00:43:28,279
Speaker 1: really amazing like apperol sprits like you, I don't know,

709
00:43:28,360 --> 00:43:31,359
Speaker 1: meet a really cute shelter dog, Like, don't just let

710
00:43:31,360 --> 00:43:35,880
Speaker 1: it pass. Pause for a moment, like consciously focus on

711
00:43:35,920 --> 00:43:40,000
Speaker 1: the sensory details and the feelings that this moment evokes.

712
00:43:41,280 --> 00:43:43,719
Speaker 1: You can, you know, share that experience with someone else.

713
00:43:43,719 --> 00:43:46,239
Speaker 1: You can write it down on your notes app if

714
00:43:46,239 --> 00:43:48,040
Speaker 1: you follow me on Instagram. You know, I do this

715
00:43:48,040 --> 00:43:52,680
Speaker 1: thing called a smile file where every month, like I

716
00:43:52,680 --> 00:43:55,279
Speaker 1: take photos of things that make me smile, and I

717
00:43:55,320 --> 00:43:56,800
Speaker 1: just put them into an app on my phone and

718
00:43:56,840 --> 00:43:59,440
Speaker 1: then sometimes I'll share them. You can even just like

719
00:43:59,480 --> 00:44:02,600
Speaker 1: simply read it in your mind. This act of savoring

720
00:44:02,680 --> 00:44:08,560
Speaker 1: helps your brain cement the positive memory and extract maximum

721
00:44:08,640 --> 00:44:12,399
Speaker 1: joy from that moment. Research has shown that people who

722
00:44:12,440 --> 00:44:16,160
Speaker 1: regularly savor positive experiences like the first bite of a

723
00:44:16,200 --> 00:44:19,240
Speaker 1: dessert kind of like that, Like, they report high levels

724
00:44:19,280 --> 00:44:24,320
Speaker 1: of happiness lower levels of depression. From this moment of savoring,

725
00:44:24,760 --> 00:44:27,560
Speaker 1: your mind and your body then know what it means

726
00:44:27,600 --> 00:44:30,160
Speaker 1: and what it actually feels like to be happy, rather

727
00:44:30,160 --> 00:44:32,200
Speaker 1: than happiness just being like this fleeting thing that you

728
00:44:32,239 --> 00:44:36,200
Speaker 1: don't concentrate on this is your happiness blueprint. And you

729
00:44:36,200 --> 00:44:38,799
Speaker 1: know in times of stress, when you're upset, when you're

730
00:44:38,840 --> 00:44:42,080
Speaker 1: fighting with someone, when you're uneasy, you can actually take

731
00:44:42,480 --> 00:44:46,480
Speaker 1: that moment and cast your mind back and just center

732
00:44:47,280 --> 00:44:51,920
Speaker 1: in that sensory experience. You can actually revisit those feelings.

733
00:44:52,000 --> 00:44:55,240
Speaker 1: They're more accessible to you. It's like when you smell

734
00:44:55,280 --> 00:44:57,480
Speaker 1: a perfume from like that holiday that you went on,

735
00:44:57,600 --> 00:45:00,640
Speaker 1: and like you're immediately brought back there. Listen to a

736
00:45:00,680 --> 00:45:02,799
Speaker 1: song and it brings you back, even if you can't

737
00:45:02,840 --> 00:45:05,200
Speaker 1: physically be in that position where that memory took place,

738
00:45:05,480 --> 00:45:07,480
Speaker 1: if you have saved it and if you have solidified

739
00:45:07,520 --> 00:45:13,000
Speaker 1: it in your memory, you can return to that feeling deliberately. Next,

740
00:45:13,719 --> 00:45:16,000
Speaker 1: let's focus more on how we can make happiness a

741
00:45:16,080 --> 00:45:21,160
Speaker 1: shared emotion rather than a solitary practice by really engaging

742
00:45:21,160 --> 00:45:26,000
Speaker 1: it active constructive responding. So when someone you really care about,

743
00:45:26,360 --> 00:45:29,400
Speaker 1: your friend, your mom, your boyfriend, I don't know, a

744
00:45:29,440 --> 00:45:32,320
Speaker 1: colleague you really like shares a piece of good news

745
00:45:32,360 --> 00:45:35,960
Speaker 1: with you, take a second to think about how you respond.

746
00:45:36,640 --> 00:45:39,080
Speaker 1: There is a psychologist. Her name is Shelly Gable, and

747
00:45:39,200 --> 00:45:42,160
Speaker 1: she has done all this research on close relationships, and

748
00:45:42,200 --> 00:45:45,440
Speaker 1: she's found four common responses that people will have to

749
00:45:45,520 --> 00:45:52,920
Speaker 1: good news active constructive, passive, constructive, active, destructive, and passive destructive.

750
00:45:53,960 --> 00:45:57,040
Speaker 1: Most of us, even with good intentions, we fall into

751
00:45:57,080 --> 00:46:00,520
Speaker 1: the passive constructive category. Your friends are oh, my god,

752
00:46:00,560 --> 00:46:02,680
Speaker 1: like I had this really great day at work, and

753
00:46:02,719 --> 00:46:06,680
Speaker 1: you're like, oh, that's so cool, that's great, and then

754
00:46:06,760 --> 00:46:09,200
Speaker 1: you that's it, and that friend like kind of feels

755
00:46:09,200 --> 00:46:13,520
Speaker 1: a little bit shut down. In contrast, active constructive is

756
00:46:13,600 --> 00:46:17,320
Speaker 1: responding like that thing happened to you. Instead of just

757
00:46:17,360 --> 00:46:20,800
Speaker 1: saying congrats, you'd be like, that's amazing, like tell me everything,

758
00:46:21,480 --> 00:46:24,399
Speaker 1: you know, what was it? Like, what happened? What did

759
00:46:24,400 --> 00:46:27,839
Speaker 1: your boss say? Then? How should we celebrate? You know,

760
00:46:28,120 --> 00:46:32,279
Speaker 1: when you enthusiastically engage with someone else's good news, it

761
00:46:32,360 --> 00:46:35,560
Speaker 1: creates a really powerful feedback loop of shared positive emotion.

762
00:46:36,320 --> 00:46:39,319
Speaker 1: The active celebration makes the other person feel validated and

763
00:46:39,360 --> 00:46:42,120
Speaker 1: seeing that's a that's a total win, and that in

764
00:46:42,160 --> 00:46:46,799
Speaker 1: turns amplifies like the joy for you as well. It's

765
00:46:46,920 --> 00:46:53,040
Speaker 1: like a process called capitalization actually, and the research confirms

766
00:46:53,160 --> 00:46:58,200
Speaker 1: enthusiastic responses make both people happier. The way that I

767
00:46:58,200 --> 00:47:00,960
Speaker 1: think about it is like a tennis ball that gets

768
00:47:00,960 --> 00:47:02,880
Speaker 1: like faster and faster and faster. It's like you hit

769
00:47:02,920 --> 00:47:05,520
Speaker 1: it back and forth between two people, like it's like,

770
00:47:05,560 --> 00:47:07,120
Speaker 1: oh my god, the speed it's like going up, and

771
00:47:07,160 --> 00:47:11,239
Speaker 1: like everyone's excited and it's magnifying this like experience rather

772
00:47:11,320 --> 00:47:13,040
Speaker 1: than just like one person hitting it and it like

773
00:47:13,040 --> 00:47:14,560
Speaker 1: goes really fast for a second and then it just

774
00:47:14,600 --> 00:47:16,120
Speaker 1: like kind of bounces away and you have to do

775
00:47:16,160 --> 00:47:18,560
Speaker 1: that thing where you chase the ball. If you've ever

776
00:47:18,800 --> 00:47:23,240
Speaker 1: watched Challenges, there is like one scene, well the scene

777
00:47:23,800 --> 00:47:26,960
Speaker 1: the scene of that movie that is exactly how I

778
00:47:26,960 --> 00:47:32,080
Speaker 1: imagine this process of emotional capitalization. So next are two

779
00:47:32,200 --> 00:47:34,880
Speaker 1: tips for the longer term. I'm kind of liking this,

780
00:47:35,040 --> 00:47:39,279
Speaker 1: Like this happiness is a shared emotion theme we have

781
00:47:39,400 --> 00:47:42,839
Speaker 1: going on, So we're gonna keep that going and talk

782
00:47:42,880 --> 00:47:48,800
Speaker 1: about the benefits of pro social spending. We have obviously

783
00:47:48,800 --> 00:47:52,879
Speaker 1: debunked the myth that money can buy true happiness, but

784
00:47:52,960 --> 00:47:55,839
Speaker 1: research does suggest that how you spend your money can

785
00:47:55,920 --> 00:48:00,200
Speaker 1: significantly impact your well being. There was a serious of

786
00:48:00,200 --> 00:48:04,200
Speaker 1: studies done a couple of years ago by Elizabeth Dunn.

787
00:48:04,239 --> 00:48:08,440
Speaker 1: They were published in the journal Science magazine, and basically

788
00:48:08,480 --> 00:48:12,080
Speaker 1: they said that it's not having money that makes you happier.

789
00:48:12,560 --> 00:48:16,120
Speaker 1: How you spend it is really like that's the kicker.

790
00:48:16,800 --> 00:48:20,080
Speaker 1: And they introduced this concept of pro social spending. Basically,

791
00:48:20,120 --> 00:48:23,799
Speaker 1: they found that individuals who were randomly assigned to spend

792
00:48:23,800 --> 00:48:26,440
Speaker 1: a small amount of money on others walked out of

793
00:48:26,440 --> 00:48:30,160
Speaker 1: that experiment feeling a lot happier than those who, you know,

794
00:48:30,360 --> 00:48:33,359
Speaker 1: just spent the money on themselves. This finding has also

795
00:48:33,400 --> 00:48:39,080
Speaker 1: been replicated across various cultures, across various income levels, across

796
00:48:39,160 --> 00:48:42,600
Speaker 1: various genders and ages. It's not about spending tons of

797
00:48:42,640 --> 00:48:46,080
Speaker 1: money on lavish gifts or giving away all your money

798
00:48:46,080 --> 00:48:50,080
Speaker 1: to charity. It's about buying a friend of coffee, you know,

799
00:48:50,120 --> 00:48:52,840
Speaker 1: shouting around a drinks on a Friday, donating to charity,

800
00:48:52,880 --> 00:48:55,839
Speaker 1: buying like a small trinket for your sister or your

801
00:48:56,120 --> 00:48:57,799
Speaker 1: for your mother because it made you think of them,

802
00:48:57,920 --> 00:48:59,600
Speaker 1: or you know, leaving just like a little bit of

803
00:48:59,600 --> 00:49:04,440
Speaker 1: an extra generous tip. Spending money on others consistently activates

804
00:49:04,480 --> 00:49:10,760
Speaker 1: the brain's reward centers, producing this like warm glow of giving.

805
00:49:10,760 --> 00:49:13,880
Speaker 1: And I think you know what I'm talking about. Pro

806
00:49:14,000 --> 00:49:17,160
Speaker 1: social spending also strengthens our social bonds. It gives us

807
00:49:17,200 --> 00:49:21,360
Speaker 1: a sense of identity as a kind and a generous person.

808
00:49:22,200 --> 00:49:26,600
Speaker 1: It makes our relationships stronger, all key ingredients for lasting happiness.

809
00:49:27,520 --> 00:49:30,080
Speaker 1: An important caveat here, though, as much as we love

810
00:49:30,120 --> 00:49:32,840
Speaker 1: pro social spending, if you're going to engage in this like,

811
00:49:33,200 --> 00:49:35,520
Speaker 1: please just make sure it's within your means. Like if

812
00:49:35,560 --> 00:49:38,959
Speaker 1: it's going to lead to financial struggle, it's obviously going

813
00:49:39,000 --> 00:49:43,960
Speaker 1: to have the opposite effect. And also crucially, don't do

814
00:49:44,120 --> 00:49:46,600
Speaker 1: it with the thought that you want something in return,

815
00:49:46,960 --> 00:49:50,759
Speaker 1: because that will actually create a lot of resentment. This

816
00:49:50,840 --> 00:49:53,319
Speaker 1: is something my mum has said to me since I

817
00:49:53,360 --> 00:49:56,640
Speaker 1: was a child. If you are going to do something nice,

818
00:49:56,880 --> 00:49:59,960
Speaker 1: the nicest part of that act is not expecting any

819
00:50:00,080 --> 00:50:02,760
Speaker 1: thing in return. You've got to just do it because

820
00:50:02,800 --> 00:50:05,600
Speaker 1: you want to. And they could never pay you back

821
00:50:05,600 --> 00:50:11,920
Speaker 1: and never do anything in response. That's fine, that's fine. Finally,

822
00:50:12,200 --> 00:50:16,600
Speaker 1: our final tip for happiness is to cultivate a coherent

823
00:50:16,840 --> 00:50:20,920
Speaker 1: narrative for your life. Make a story of your life.

824
00:50:21,040 --> 00:50:23,920
Speaker 1: Our brains love stories, and the story we tell ourselves

825
00:50:23,960 --> 00:50:28,640
Speaker 1: about our happiness and about our resilience and about you know,

826
00:50:28,760 --> 00:50:33,040
Speaker 1: the journey of it all is incredibly important. The practice

827
00:50:33,040 --> 00:50:36,000
Speaker 1: of like cultivating a narrative. Essentially, it means that we

828
00:50:36,320 --> 00:50:40,600
Speaker 1: look at our experiences and we intentionally reflect on perhaps

829
00:50:40,719 --> 00:50:43,240
Speaker 1: why this is not just a series of random events,

830
00:50:43,239 --> 00:50:47,120
Speaker 1: but all of this contains meaning and everything, even the

831
00:50:47,120 --> 00:50:49,960
Speaker 1: hard things had to happen. Now, it's not saying that

832
00:50:50,000 --> 00:50:54,680
Speaker 1: everything happens for a reason. It's saying that things happen,

833
00:50:54,800 --> 00:50:57,399
Speaker 1: and then I can apply a reason, and I can

834
00:50:57,480 --> 00:51:02,120
Speaker 1: apply a kind of journey map those experiences. A bunch

835
00:51:02,120 --> 00:51:04,359
Speaker 1: of researchers have looked into this. A bunch of them

836
00:51:04,360 --> 00:51:08,600
Speaker 1: have found that when you help or encourage people to

837
00:51:08,680 --> 00:51:10,279
Speaker 1: see their life as kind of a bit of a

838
00:51:10,360 --> 00:51:16,040
Speaker 1: story with different chapters, or to see their life containing

839
00:51:16,080 --> 00:51:20,560
Speaker 1: all the positive and negative things as going somewhere and

840
00:51:20,600 --> 00:51:23,720
Speaker 1: as having meaning, and all those moments as being important

841
00:51:23,760 --> 00:51:28,399
Speaker 1: even if they sucked, they do feel happier, and they're

842
00:51:28,520 --> 00:51:32,680
Speaker 1: able to reframe moments of adversity not as like random tragedies,

843
00:51:32,719 --> 00:51:38,160
Speaker 1: but as really pivotal turning points that help them return

844
00:51:38,200 --> 00:51:40,400
Speaker 1: to a sense of agency and make them feel like

845
00:51:40,440 --> 00:51:44,200
Speaker 1: they have control. You give your life a sense of meaning,

846
00:51:44,360 --> 00:51:46,839
Speaker 1: You give your life a sense of purpose. If we're

847
00:51:46,840 --> 00:51:48,960
Speaker 1: going to return all the way back to that initial

848
00:51:48,960 --> 00:51:53,160
Speaker 1: model of happiness the perma model. Those are two really

849
00:51:53,200 --> 00:51:56,440
Speaker 1: foundational things that I think a lot of us have

850
00:51:56,600 --> 00:51:59,880
Speaker 1: kind of lost as we've become less religious and less spiritual,

851
00:52:00,480 --> 00:52:02,880
Speaker 1: and we've noticed that impact. We've noticed that when you

852
00:52:02,920 --> 00:52:05,760
Speaker 1: don't have a sense of meaning or coherence to your life,

853
00:52:06,000 --> 00:52:08,200
Speaker 1: it all feels kind of random. It feels harder to

854
00:52:08,840 --> 00:52:12,800
Speaker 1: feel happy about your circumstances. So that is my final

855
00:52:13,080 --> 00:52:17,560
Speaker 1: final tip. Ultimately, like to wrap the episode up, I

856
00:52:17,600 --> 00:52:20,719
Speaker 1: think the biggest conclusion you can take away is that

857
00:52:21,040 --> 00:52:24,920
Speaker 1: science tells us that happiness is It's gonna sound so cheesy.

858
00:52:25,040 --> 00:52:27,239
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, bear with me, but it's not the destination.

859
00:52:27,320 --> 00:52:29,600
Speaker 1: It's the journey. I'm sorry, I know it's so cheesy.

860
00:52:29,680 --> 00:52:32,439
Speaker 1: And it's also not about having happiness all the time.

861
00:52:32,480 --> 00:52:35,120
Speaker 1: It's about savoring it when you do. And you know,

862
00:52:35,239 --> 00:52:38,160
Speaker 1: for my twenty something listeners, which is probably all of you,

863
00:52:39,040 --> 00:52:41,120
Speaker 1: it's okay if these are not your happiest years, Like

864
00:52:41,160 --> 00:52:45,440
Speaker 1: I've definitely had some freaking dark times in my twenties,

865
00:52:45,800 --> 00:52:50,399
Speaker 1: which are well documented on the podcast. So if you're

866
00:52:50,440 --> 00:52:52,640
Speaker 1: really struggling at the moment and thinking like this is it,

867
00:52:52,920 --> 00:52:55,160
Speaker 1: this is the happiness drop off. They all talk about

868
00:52:56,239 --> 00:53:01,120
Speaker 1: firmly and resoundingly that is not the case, not at all.

869
00:53:01,239 --> 00:53:04,200
Speaker 1: This is a hard period of life because you don't

870
00:53:04,239 --> 00:53:06,799
Speaker 1: have as many emotional and financial resources that you will

871
00:53:06,800 --> 00:53:10,480
Speaker 1: hopefully have the older you get, and a lot of

872
00:53:10,520 --> 00:53:14,160
Speaker 1: it will get easier. You will gain coping skills, and

873
00:53:14,600 --> 00:53:16,760
Speaker 1: a lot of it is again just part of the story.

874
00:53:17,239 --> 00:53:20,040
Speaker 1: It's part of the story of gaining resilience. It's part

875
00:53:20,040 --> 00:53:24,440
Speaker 1: of the story of reconnecting with real happiness. And you

876
00:53:24,440 --> 00:53:26,279
Speaker 1: know that's the thing about happiness. I can give you

877
00:53:26,280 --> 00:53:29,120
Speaker 1: all the psychological strategies and tips and research and whatever,

878
00:53:29,760 --> 00:53:33,880
Speaker 1: happiness is just sometimes so fricking random, and it just

879
00:53:34,000 --> 00:53:39,760
Speaker 1: like shows up on a Wednesday night and just shows

880
00:53:39,760 --> 00:53:41,239
Speaker 1: its face and it's like, oh hey, and you just

881
00:53:41,239 --> 00:53:44,799
Speaker 1: suddenly feel great, or like it just randomly shows up

882
00:53:44,840 --> 00:53:47,680
Speaker 1: on a Saturday evening or a Saturday morning and you

883
00:53:47,719 --> 00:53:50,200
Speaker 1: didn't do anything differently, you didn't plan for it, and

884
00:53:50,239 --> 00:53:53,640
Speaker 1: it's just there. So like, hold out for those moments,

885
00:53:53,640 --> 00:53:56,040
Speaker 1: like hold out for those glimmers, right, because they do

886
00:53:56,600 --> 00:53:59,440
Speaker 1: come around, and when they do, savor it. Like I

887
00:53:59,440 --> 00:54:02,920
Speaker 1: had this amazing day the other day and just super

888
00:54:03,000 --> 00:54:04,680
Speaker 1: random did not set out to have a great day

889
00:54:04,719 --> 00:54:06,839
Speaker 1: it just happened, and I was like, oh my god,

890
00:54:06,840 --> 00:54:08,640
Speaker 1: I've got to really make sure that I remember this.

891
00:54:08,760 --> 00:54:11,360
Speaker 1: And you know, it was helpful to like return to

892
00:54:11,400 --> 00:54:13,440
Speaker 1: it in the kind of weeks to have follow and

893
00:54:13,480 --> 00:54:15,399
Speaker 1: be like, yeah, my god, I'm excited for another day

894
00:54:15,440 --> 00:54:17,480
Speaker 1: like that, And isn't it such a nice surprise? Like

895
00:54:17,520 --> 00:54:19,040
Speaker 1: I'm not sure when it's gonna come, but I know

896
00:54:19,120 --> 00:54:22,160
Speaker 1: it is. So that's kind of my final message for

897
00:54:22,160 --> 00:54:25,759
Speaker 1: today's episode. I really hope that you enjoyed it. I

898
00:54:25,800 --> 00:54:28,440
Speaker 1: really hope that it's contributed something to your knowledge and

899
00:54:28,480 --> 00:54:30,600
Speaker 1: to your sense of meaning in life. If you have

900
00:54:30,680 --> 00:54:34,080
Speaker 1: made it this far, leave a TV show of recommendation

901
00:54:34,200 --> 00:54:37,040
Speaker 1: down below, like the happiest TV show that you know

902
00:54:37,080 --> 00:54:40,120
Speaker 1: that you always watch when you're in a bad note,

903
00:54:40,719 --> 00:54:44,480
Speaker 1: Like if we're talking about intentional tips for happiness. Anytime

904
00:54:44,480 --> 00:54:47,440
Speaker 1: I'm unhappy, I always watch Modern Family. I love that show.

905
00:54:48,000 --> 00:54:50,400
Speaker 1: What is your Modern Family? Maybe it is Modern Family?

906
00:54:50,440 --> 00:54:52,120
Speaker 1: What is your show that you think everyone should watch

907
00:54:52,160 --> 00:54:55,000
Speaker 1: that always brings your joy. I can't wait to read

908
00:54:55,000 --> 00:54:56,600
Speaker 1: some of your responses. I need a new TV show.

909
00:54:56,640 --> 00:54:58,719
Speaker 1: I can't rewatch Modern Family for the tenth time. It's

910
00:54:58,719 --> 00:55:02,040
Speaker 1: getting a little bit embarrassing. I'm not like I'm not

911
00:55:02,400 --> 00:55:04,600
Speaker 1: like a teenager anymore. Like I need to move on.

912
00:55:05,640 --> 00:55:08,360
Speaker 1: With that in mind, I want to thank our beautiful researcher,

913
00:55:08,440 --> 00:55:11,759
Speaker 1: Libby Colbert for her contributions to this episode. I want

914
00:55:11,800 --> 00:55:14,279
Speaker 1: to remind you all to follow us on Instagram at

915
00:55:14,280 --> 00:55:17,080
Speaker 1: that Psychology Podcast to make sure that you are following

916
00:55:17,160 --> 00:55:20,799
Speaker 1: along on Spotify, Apple Podcast, the iHeartRadio app wherever you

917
00:55:20,840 --> 00:55:23,399
Speaker 1: are listening, and give us a five star review only

918
00:55:23,440 --> 00:55:25,759
Speaker 1: if you feel cold to do so. I appreciate you

919
00:55:25,840 --> 00:55:29,000
Speaker 1: listening this far, and as always, be kind, be safe,

920
00:55:29,120 --> 00:55:33,000
Speaker 1: be gentle with yourself, and we will talk very very

921
00:55:33,040 --> 00:55:33,279
Speaker 1: soon