1 00:00:03,120 --> 00:00:06,200 Speaker 1: Welcome to stuff Mom Never Told You from how Stuff 2 00:00:06,200 --> 00:00:13,840 Speaker 1: Works dot Com. Hello, and welcome to the podcast. I'm 3 00:00:13,960 --> 00:00:17,720 Speaker 1: Kristen and I'm Caroline. And since we're talking about first 4 00:00:17,760 --> 00:00:21,560 Speaker 1: impressions today, I figured we could get things kicked off 5 00:00:22,160 --> 00:00:27,920 Speaker 1: with Facebook because Facebook is now the ultimate tool that 6 00:00:27,960 --> 00:00:32,800 Speaker 1: we have to mold our first impression of ourselves to 7 00:00:32,920 --> 00:00:35,960 Speaker 1: the public. Right, this is your chance to pick to 8 00:00:36,080 --> 00:00:39,000 Speaker 1: steal an ad from some magazine and scan it in 9 00:00:39,080 --> 00:00:41,280 Speaker 1: and have it be your profile picture the way that 10 00:00:41,320 --> 00:00:44,280 Speaker 1: the world sees you. You can go in, you can 11 00:00:44,320 --> 00:00:47,519 Speaker 1: photo shop away any any blemish that you don't like, 12 00:00:48,159 --> 00:00:51,040 Speaker 1: use your best angle, your best outfit, maybe do a 13 00:00:51,120 --> 00:00:55,920 Speaker 1: hip stomatic wash. Steal Mark Twain quotes as your status is, 14 00:00:55,960 --> 00:00:58,760 Speaker 1: and not tell anyone, because assuming your friends haven't read 15 00:00:58,760 --> 00:01:02,560 Speaker 1: any Mark Twain, you can be the perfect person or 16 00:01:02,600 --> 00:01:05,280 Speaker 1: the perfect person in your mind. I mean, obviously, first 17 00:01:05,319 --> 00:01:11,640 Speaker 1: impressions are entirely subjective, but I do think it's uh, 18 00:01:11,680 --> 00:01:15,760 Speaker 1: it's we live in an interesting time where Facebook allows 19 00:01:15,880 --> 00:01:20,480 Speaker 1: us to mold that public persona. So why don't we 20 00:01:20,480 --> 00:01:23,520 Speaker 1: personalize things a little bit, Caroline and talk about our 21 00:01:23,880 --> 00:01:27,200 Speaker 1: stuff mom Never told You Facebook page? Because we recently 22 00:01:27,680 --> 00:01:31,120 Speaker 1: had to update our format to the Facebook timelines. So 23 00:01:31,200 --> 00:01:35,080 Speaker 1: we had to pick the large image that goes behind 24 00:01:35,120 --> 00:01:38,399 Speaker 1: our normal profile picture. Right, So Kristen and I went 25 00:01:38,400 --> 00:01:40,800 Speaker 1: out to the beach and had the photographer take pictures 26 00:01:40,800 --> 00:01:43,399 Speaker 1: of us dancing in the waves. Yes, although there are 27 00:01:43,440 --> 00:01:49,040 Speaker 1: like six of us somehow, Yeah, we know magic magic 28 00:01:49,600 --> 00:01:54,120 Speaker 1: one of our brilliant camera wizards. That's a real staff 29 00:01:54,160 --> 00:01:56,680 Speaker 1: position here and all stuff works. One of our camera 30 00:01:56,680 --> 00:02:00,320 Speaker 1: wizards created, um, a number of images for us to 31 00:02:00,400 --> 00:02:03,360 Speaker 1: choose from, something to capture the essence of stuff. Mom 32 00:02:03,440 --> 00:02:07,000 Speaker 1: never told you to create that great first impression of 33 00:02:07,600 --> 00:02:10,519 Speaker 1: who we are, and it was very hard to choose 34 00:02:10,560 --> 00:02:13,799 Speaker 1: from she She made all these awesome images, and um, 35 00:02:13,800 --> 00:02:16,080 Speaker 1: it was tough to choose, and we decided to go 36 00:02:16,480 --> 00:02:21,120 Speaker 1: with the neurotic swimmers dancing in the surf in old 37 00:02:21,160 --> 00:02:25,040 Speaker 1: timey bathing suits. We want, we wanted to give you 38 00:02:25,160 --> 00:02:28,680 Speaker 1: the listener the right first impression of us, which is 39 00:02:28,720 --> 00:02:32,320 Speaker 1: that we are ridiculous. We are footloose, we are fancy free, 40 00:02:32,680 --> 00:02:37,440 Speaker 1: frequently dancing in water, modest in our swimwear, but with 41 00:02:37,480 --> 00:02:40,799 Speaker 1: good hairstyles the whole way through. Yeah, I gotta say, though, Um, 42 00:02:40,840 --> 00:02:43,680 Speaker 1: I wonder, I wonder what are the first impression of 43 00:02:43,720 --> 00:02:47,200 Speaker 1: the actual picture of you and me offers? Because we 44 00:02:47,280 --> 00:02:50,960 Speaker 1: are sitting back to back in a very very olden 45 00:02:51,040 --> 00:02:54,359 Speaker 1: mills girl kind of My roommate told me that it 46 00:02:54,400 --> 00:02:57,080 Speaker 1: gives off the worst first impression and then it is 47 00:02:57,120 --> 00:02:59,119 Speaker 1: not the best picture of me, and that we need 48 00:02:59,160 --> 00:03:01,000 Speaker 1: to get into the student you pronto to get more 49 00:03:01,000 --> 00:03:03,079 Speaker 1: pictures taken. You know, I was told that as well. 50 00:03:03,160 --> 00:03:06,520 Speaker 1: But I do have to admit that when I first 51 00:03:06,560 --> 00:03:10,240 Speaker 1: saw that that back to back sort of cheesy, cheesy. 52 00:03:10,320 --> 00:03:13,000 Speaker 1: It's not sort of it's cheesy, we can be honest, 53 00:03:13,280 --> 00:03:16,239 Speaker 1: that cheesy photograph, there was something about it that I liked. 54 00:03:16,600 --> 00:03:20,160 Speaker 1: But I agree that perhaps it does not does not 55 00:03:20,280 --> 00:03:22,400 Speaker 1: give the best first impression, which is why I'm glad 56 00:03:22,440 --> 00:03:26,880 Speaker 1: that it's now nestled into a much larger background of 57 00:03:27,000 --> 00:03:30,919 Speaker 1: dancing bathing ladies. Well, but so is Facebook a tool 58 00:03:31,000 --> 00:03:35,360 Speaker 1: to portray your real self then or a better self? Well, 59 00:03:35,400 --> 00:03:38,320 Speaker 1: here's the thing for everyone out there who and I'm 60 00:03:38,360 --> 00:03:44,000 Speaker 1: guilty of this as well, who has intentionally crafted profile 61 00:03:44,120 --> 00:03:49,960 Speaker 1: pictures and profile information to create, you know, sort of 62 00:03:50,000 --> 00:03:57,480 Speaker 1: an idealized self. You're failing, really? Yeah? Um, The thing is, 63 00:03:57,560 --> 00:04:01,520 Speaker 1: according to a two thousand nine study by Sam Gosling 64 00:04:01,600 --> 00:04:06,680 Speaker 1: at the University of Texas at Austin, the impressions that 65 00:04:07,160 --> 00:04:10,680 Speaker 1: people make based on your Facebook profiles are actually closer 66 00:04:10,720 --> 00:04:13,440 Speaker 1: to the reality of who you are than that idealized 67 00:04:13,440 --> 00:04:17,240 Speaker 1: stelf that you might want to project. Yes, so people 68 00:04:17,279 --> 00:04:20,880 Speaker 1: were able to pick up on the actual aspects of 69 00:04:20,920 --> 00:04:24,720 Speaker 1: your personality, like if you're one of those people, sorry 70 00:04:24,800 --> 00:04:26,839 Speaker 1: no offense, but if you're one of those people who 71 00:04:26,880 --> 00:04:30,640 Speaker 1: post sad status updates all the time, like it's what 72 00:04:30,800 --> 00:04:34,120 Speaker 1: I am, I have no one to talk to. It's like, 73 00:04:34,160 --> 00:04:36,800 Speaker 1: now I'm gonna hide, you hide, hide. I don't want 74 00:04:36,800 --> 00:04:40,160 Speaker 1: to read that. And so I think those statuses are 75 00:04:40,160 --> 00:04:44,760 Speaker 1: an accurate reflection of some of those people because thepeaking personally, 76 00:04:45,279 --> 00:04:48,240 Speaker 1: because they're obviously not trying to gussie up their their 77 00:04:48,279 --> 00:04:52,120 Speaker 1: image at all. It sounds like what Gosling did was 78 00:04:52,160 --> 00:04:54,560 Speaker 1: he found I think it was two hundred and thirty 79 00:04:54,640 --> 00:04:58,719 Speaker 1: six people on Facebook UM and he had them fill 80 00:04:58,720 --> 00:05:03,320 Speaker 1: out personality trait questionnaires to get a sense of who 81 00:05:03,360 --> 00:05:07,120 Speaker 1: they actually were and UM, and then he had strangers 82 00:05:07,240 --> 00:05:10,000 Speaker 1: come in and look at the profiles and give their 83 00:05:10,040 --> 00:05:15,240 Speaker 1: impression of these UM strangers based on their profiles and 84 00:05:15,360 --> 00:05:19,600 Speaker 1: come to find out, the impressions that the strangers had 85 00:05:19,640 --> 00:05:24,200 Speaker 1: were fairly accurate compared to the actual personality traits, and 86 00:05:24,320 --> 00:05:28,840 Speaker 1: especially for traits like extra version, it easily comes across 87 00:05:29,160 --> 00:05:33,080 Speaker 1: through Facebook. The one trait, however, that was the hardest 88 00:05:33,120 --> 00:05:38,279 Speaker 1: to detect based on Facebook profiles is neuroticism. So on mine, 89 00:05:38,720 --> 00:05:43,839 Speaker 1: not on mine, But perhaps that's because you know you well, 90 00:05:43,880 --> 00:05:46,400 Speaker 1: I don't know. I'm not going to make any value 91 00:05:46,440 --> 00:05:50,000 Speaker 1: judgments on your perceived neuroticism. Well, one of my most 92 00:05:50,040 --> 00:05:52,320 Speaker 1: recent status updates was about how I was on my 93 00:05:52,320 --> 00:05:54,479 Speaker 1: way to urgent care because I got bitten by a spider. 94 00:05:54,880 --> 00:05:57,159 Speaker 1: So that just sounds like you're living on the edge. 95 00:05:57,440 --> 00:06:01,080 Speaker 1: Living on the sounds like your adventurous well, or I 96 00:06:01,080 --> 00:06:04,839 Speaker 1: got bit while I was sleeping, so whatever. So moving 97 00:06:04,839 --> 00:06:09,880 Speaker 1: on from Facebook to the real world where spiders bike, Caroline, Um, 98 00:06:09,920 --> 00:06:13,080 Speaker 1: let's talk about how first impressions, when you first see someone, 99 00:06:13,120 --> 00:06:17,200 Speaker 1: when you first make that handshake, what happens in our brains, Like, 100 00:06:17,200 --> 00:06:20,160 Speaker 1: how do we process it? How long does it take 101 00:06:20,360 --> 00:06:23,920 Speaker 1: for our brains to take that snapshot and decide whether 102 00:06:24,000 --> 00:06:26,320 Speaker 1: or not we like or don't like what we see. 103 00:06:26,640 --> 00:06:32,560 Speaker 1: It's immediate. You have milliseconds to decide um what you 104 00:06:32,760 --> 00:06:35,160 Speaker 1: think about someone, and you have middle seconds to give 105 00:06:35,200 --> 00:06:37,920 Speaker 1: a very good impression. And especially if you were shaking 106 00:06:37,920 --> 00:06:40,200 Speaker 1: someone's hand, that also comes into play, and we'll talk 107 00:06:40,200 --> 00:06:43,000 Speaker 1: about that later. But a two thousand six study by 108 00:06:43,000 --> 00:06:47,320 Speaker 1: Princeton psychologist Janine Willis and Alexander Todorev found that it 109 00:06:47,400 --> 00:06:50,279 Speaker 1: took only a tenth of a second to form an 110 00:06:50,320 --> 00:06:52,880 Speaker 1: impression of a stranger from his or her face, and 111 00:06:53,000 --> 00:06:55,719 Speaker 1: the longer you were exposed to that person did not 112 00:06:56,000 --> 00:06:58,720 Speaker 1: change the impression that you had of them. What it 113 00:06:58,760 --> 00:07:01,760 Speaker 1: did was just real force the impression you already had. 114 00:07:01,839 --> 00:07:05,480 Speaker 1: So once you meet someone and you think this person 115 00:07:05,600 --> 00:07:08,200 Speaker 1: is great and they're nice and they're outgoing, you're no 116 00:07:08,279 --> 00:07:12,480 Speaker 1: longer seeking information to disprove that. You're seeking backup information 117 00:07:12,560 --> 00:07:15,520 Speaker 1: to fall in line with the impression that you've developed. 118 00:07:15,760 --> 00:07:19,640 Speaker 1: And unfortunately, the same thing goes for a negative impression. 119 00:07:20,080 --> 00:07:22,600 Speaker 1: You don't seek out. Well, a lot of times some 120 00:07:22,800 --> 00:07:25,080 Speaker 1: you know, probably the better people among us, might seek 121 00:07:25,080 --> 00:07:27,360 Speaker 1: out those positive attributes, but a lot of times if 122 00:07:27,360 --> 00:07:29,840 Speaker 1: you get a you know, offer a first um impression 123 00:07:29,840 --> 00:07:33,280 Speaker 1: that's negative that is imprinted on the other person's brain 124 00:07:33,320 --> 00:07:36,400 Speaker 1: in that tenth of a second, and those same prison 125 00:07:36,480 --> 00:07:41,320 Speaker 1: psychologists suspect that it might take an even shorter amount 126 00:07:41,320 --> 00:07:43,800 Speaker 1: of time because a tenth of a second was simply 127 00:07:43,840 --> 00:07:47,280 Speaker 1: like the shortest time frame that they've tested, Right, Well, 128 00:07:47,280 --> 00:07:51,680 Speaker 1: so what is actually going on in the brain when 129 00:07:51,680 --> 00:07:54,640 Speaker 1: a first impression is happening? Like, what what's part of 130 00:07:54,640 --> 00:07:58,440 Speaker 1: the process of deciding about what you think about a person? 131 00:07:59,040 --> 00:08:01,880 Speaker 1: And this is coming from Dr Rick now Art for 132 00:08:01,960 --> 00:08:04,320 Speaker 1: psych Central. He broke down a two thousand nine study 133 00:08:04,360 --> 00:08:08,520 Speaker 1: from the journal Nature Neuroscience that explored the formation of 134 00:08:08,560 --> 00:08:12,040 Speaker 1: a first impression and subjects were given profiles of fictional 135 00:08:12,040 --> 00:08:14,480 Speaker 1: people that included both a photo and a list of 136 00:08:14,480 --> 00:08:18,440 Speaker 1: the person's positive and negative traits, and they use neuroimaging 137 00:08:18,840 --> 00:08:21,560 Speaker 1: to find out what was happening in the brain as 138 00:08:21,600 --> 00:08:24,680 Speaker 1: the person processed the photo, what the person looked like, 139 00:08:24,760 --> 00:08:28,680 Speaker 1: and their traits. They found activity in two regions of 140 00:08:28,680 --> 00:08:33,240 Speaker 1: the brain during this encoding process, the process of taking 141 00:08:33,280 --> 00:08:37,520 Speaker 1: in impression relevant info, things that confirmed what they already thought. 142 00:08:37,720 --> 00:08:40,040 Speaker 1: And they found that things were just lighten up in 143 00:08:40,080 --> 00:08:44,520 Speaker 1: the amygdala and the posterior singulate cortex. And when we 144 00:08:44,559 --> 00:08:47,840 Speaker 1: talk about the what these structures are responsible for the 145 00:08:47,880 --> 00:08:50,120 Speaker 1: kind of emotional links that they have. It makes a 146 00:08:50,200 --> 00:08:52,920 Speaker 1: lot of sense that these two areas lit up because 147 00:08:52,960 --> 00:08:57,040 Speaker 1: the amygdala is related a lot to our emotional learning 148 00:08:57,040 --> 00:09:00,120 Speaker 1: about inanimate objects. Um. It's also what lights up and 149 00:09:00,440 --> 00:09:03,160 Speaker 1: um with large emotional responses. For instance, if we get 150 00:09:03,200 --> 00:09:06,120 Speaker 1: angry at something, the amygdala will go off, and then 151 00:09:06,120 --> 00:09:10,600 Speaker 1: the posterior singulate cortex is linked to economic decision making 152 00:09:10,640 --> 00:09:14,320 Speaker 1: an assigning subjective value to rewards. So this is weighing 153 00:09:14,320 --> 00:09:16,240 Speaker 1: the pros and the cons of Hey, I don't know, 154 00:09:16,440 --> 00:09:17,959 Speaker 1: I don't know if I like how you look, I 155 00:09:18,000 --> 00:09:21,160 Speaker 1: don't know if you're trustworthy. Um, is this going to 156 00:09:21,240 --> 00:09:26,040 Speaker 1: be a beneficial acquaintance for me to forge? And all 157 00:09:26,040 --> 00:09:30,439 Speaker 1: of this is happening so quickly in those meloseconds. And 158 00:09:30,559 --> 00:09:33,000 Speaker 1: speaking of the amygdala, there was another piece of research 159 00:09:33,040 --> 00:09:37,199 Speaker 1: that I found on the gender differences between first impressions 160 00:09:37,240 --> 00:09:40,080 Speaker 1: and how our brains formed them and men. Just on 161 00:09:40,080 --> 00:09:43,920 Speaker 1: a side note, men tend to show greater amygdala activation 162 00:09:44,040 --> 00:09:47,840 Speaker 1: in response to women's faces, so they might you know, 163 00:09:48,120 --> 00:09:50,000 Speaker 1: we talk a lot about how men tend to be 164 00:09:50,080 --> 00:09:53,840 Speaker 1: more visually stimulated, and that might be one one piece 165 00:09:53,920 --> 00:09:57,559 Speaker 1: of evidence to that. Okay, so your brain is processing 166 00:09:57,600 --> 00:10:00,240 Speaker 1: all of this so quickly. There's all this stuff going 167 00:10:00,240 --> 00:10:02,120 Speaker 1: on your in your brain weighing the pros and cons 168 00:10:02,120 --> 00:10:05,320 Speaker 1: of this person you've just encountered. But how accurate is it? 169 00:10:05,960 --> 00:10:08,200 Speaker 1: And there was a two thousand nine study by psychologist 170 00:10:08,280 --> 00:10:10,880 Speaker 1: Laura Norman and Sam Gosling, who you mentioned earlier from 171 00:10:10,920 --> 00:10:14,920 Speaker 1: UT Austin, and they gave pictures of a hundred and 172 00:10:14,920 --> 00:10:18,440 Speaker 1: twenty three people, two observers, and the people in the 173 00:10:18,440 --> 00:10:21,640 Speaker 1: pictures were either neutral, like you know, just standing their 174 00:10:21,679 --> 00:10:25,600 Speaker 1: stone faced, or they were just naturally posed however they 175 00:10:25,640 --> 00:10:30,400 Speaker 1: would naturally stand. And so they compared the observer's judgments 176 00:10:30,400 --> 00:10:34,000 Speaker 1: with the targets self descriptions to sort of get try 177 00:10:34,040 --> 00:10:36,320 Speaker 1: to get an accurate picture of who these people were 178 00:10:36,320 --> 00:10:39,520 Speaker 1: and how accurate the observers were. And they said that 179 00:10:39,559 --> 00:10:42,160 Speaker 1: the observers were accurately able to judge a lot of 180 00:10:42,200 --> 00:10:46,600 Speaker 1: personality traits. Yeah, they analyzed ten different traits. They wanted 181 00:10:46,600 --> 00:10:49,520 Speaker 1: to see whether or not the study participants could pick 182 00:10:49,600 --> 00:10:57,679 Speaker 1: up on traits including extra version, agreeableness, conscientiousness, emotional stability, loneliness, religiosity, 183 00:10:57,760 --> 00:11:02,920 Speaker 1: and political orientation. And get this observers were accurate for 184 00:11:03,240 --> 00:11:06,800 Speaker 1: nine out of the ten traits. When viewing the target 185 00:11:06,800 --> 00:11:09,760 Speaker 1: in a naturally expressive pose, if you're just standing there, 186 00:11:09,840 --> 00:11:12,600 Speaker 1: stock still, with a neutral expression on your face, it 187 00:11:12,640 --> 00:11:14,640 Speaker 1: can be harder to say. You know, if you're just 188 00:11:14,640 --> 00:11:17,400 Speaker 1: staring blankly at me, I can't be like Caroline. You 189 00:11:17,480 --> 00:11:23,360 Speaker 1: must be lonely catholic who displays tense of neuroticism. Now 190 00:11:23,440 --> 00:11:25,160 Speaker 1: you can't just you know that that's harder to pick 191 00:11:25,280 --> 00:11:28,920 Speaker 1: up on. But if you are in some sort of 192 00:11:28,960 --> 00:11:32,720 Speaker 1: expressive pose, we tend to form those The amygdala and 193 00:11:32,720 --> 00:11:36,280 Speaker 1: the posterior singulate cortex kick into gear and start making 194 00:11:36,320 --> 00:11:40,400 Speaker 1: those subjective value judgments. Um, and things like extra version. 195 00:11:40,440 --> 00:11:43,200 Speaker 1: We've mentioned this before. Extra Version is easy for us 196 00:11:43,240 --> 00:11:45,600 Speaker 1: to pick up on because people smile more, You stand 197 00:11:45,600 --> 00:11:49,280 Speaker 1: in more energetic and less tense ways. You look healthier, 198 00:11:49,960 --> 00:11:55,680 Speaker 1: neater ic, and stylish. Yeah yeah, but um. People who 199 00:11:55,679 --> 00:11:58,680 Speaker 1: were judged to be more open to experience were less 200 00:11:58,720 --> 00:12:01,520 Speaker 1: likely to have that healthy knee appearance, but more likely 201 00:12:01,559 --> 00:12:03,440 Speaker 1: to have a distinctive style of dress. I don't know 202 00:12:03,480 --> 00:12:05,800 Speaker 1: if this means that they're like on the cutting edge 203 00:12:05,800 --> 00:12:08,080 Speaker 1: of fashion or if they showed up in a clown suit. Well, 204 00:12:08,120 --> 00:12:10,720 Speaker 1: it sounds to me like there might be zanier zany 205 00:12:10,800 --> 00:12:13,720 Speaker 1: sword that comes to mind. You're open to experience. You know, 206 00:12:13,840 --> 00:12:16,720 Speaker 1: you're you're you don't have to stay within the mold, right, 207 00:12:17,080 --> 00:12:20,360 Speaker 1: And talking about gender divisions, as far as appearance goes, 208 00:12:20,480 --> 00:12:22,760 Speaker 1: males with a neat and healthy appearance were judged to 209 00:12:22,800 --> 00:12:27,080 Speaker 1: be more conscientious. But according to this study, we women 210 00:12:27,160 --> 00:12:30,120 Speaker 1: are a little harder to crack. Apparently defining personality and 211 00:12:30,160 --> 00:12:34,120 Speaker 1: women was more difficult because we are apparently more strongly 212 00:12:34,160 --> 00:12:37,520 Speaker 1: influenced by cultural demands to look presentable. In other words, 213 00:12:37,640 --> 00:12:40,880 Speaker 1: we are so lovely it is hard to detect the 214 00:12:41,000 --> 00:12:46,559 Speaker 1: negativity among us, and those detection skills likely go back 215 00:12:46,640 --> 00:12:49,760 Speaker 1: a long long time. It's not that we are just 216 00:12:49,920 --> 00:12:55,520 Speaker 1: horrible judgmental people. Um, this is actually a useful trait 217 00:12:55,679 --> 00:13:00,800 Speaker 1: that we evolved so that we could quickly says whether 218 00:13:00,920 --> 00:13:03,560 Speaker 1: or not someone was a threat to us. Yeah, and 219 00:13:03,600 --> 00:13:07,240 Speaker 1: it does depend what we're judging. Um. This is Paul Eckman, 220 00:13:07,320 --> 00:13:10,120 Speaker 1: a psych professor at you See Medical School in San Francisco. 221 00:13:10,760 --> 00:13:12,160 Speaker 1: He said, you know, and this is kind of a 222 00:13:12,200 --> 00:13:14,320 Speaker 1: common sense. I think it's it's easier for us to 223 00:13:14,360 --> 00:13:16,559 Speaker 1: pick up on emotion than it is to tell right 224 00:13:16,559 --> 00:13:19,840 Speaker 1: away if someone's really smart, like you said, you know, 225 00:13:19,920 --> 00:13:22,560 Speaker 1: judging from those those neutral poses, you know, you can't 226 00:13:22,600 --> 00:13:26,680 Speaker 1: tell what someone's religion is just by looking at them. Um. 227 00:13:26,720 --> 00:13:29,120 Speaker 1: But there are a lot of things that can alter 228 00:13:29,760 --> 00:13:33,680 Speaker 1: our perception of people. If we are angry, So like, 229 00:13:33,720 --> 00:13:36,000 Speaker 1: we have this lens that we see the world through, 230 00:13:36,559 --> 00:13:41,920 Speaker 1: and if we're angry, it actually incites prejudiced responses toward outsiders. 231 00:13:42,000 --> 00:13:44,040 Speaker 1: So that could be dangerous. If you go out of 232 00:13:44,040 --> 00:13:46,120 Speaker 1: your house in a really bad mood and someone maybe 233 00:13:46,120 --> 00:13:48,080 Speaker 1: cuts you off in traffic, you're just gonna assume this 234 00:13:48,120 --> 00:13:52,480 Speaker 1: person is terrible. Um. But there's there's also people on 235 00:13:52,520 --> 00:13:56,040 Speaker 1: the flip side with baby faces. Uh, those people with 236 00:13:56,240 --> 00:13:58,839 Speaker 1: a round face, big eyes, and a small nose. They 237 00:13:58,840 --> 00:14:02,600 Speaker 1: tend to give the impression of trustworthiness and naivete. And 238 00:14:02,679 --> 00:14:07,360 Speaker 1: they cited the example of UM actors like Leonardo DiCaprio 239 00:14:07,480 --> 00:14:09,960 Speaker 1: who end up trying to take like tougher roles and 240 00:14:10,000 --> 00:14:14,800 Speaker 1: grow goateees to make themselves look tough and combat this perception. 241 00:14:15,000 --> 00:14:18,000 Speaker 1: But another thing that colors our perception is beauty. And 242 00:14:18,040 --> 00:14:20,400 Speaker 1: this should come as no surprise. We tend to think 243 00:14:20,400 --> 00:14:23,880 Speaker 1: that a person who is beautiful is healthier and just 244 00:14:24,040 --> 00:14:27,680 Speaker 1: plain better than maybe we are, or than the general population. Yeah, 245 00:14:27,760 --> 00:14:30,920 Speaker 1: especially if we perceive them to be more attractive than 246 00:14:31,040 --> 00:14:35,360 Speaker 1: we are, then we immediately elevate them to be just 247 00:14:35,960 --> 00:14:41,680 Speaker 1: fantastic people, leaps and bounds beyond where we are. Yeah. 248 00:14:41,760 --> 00:14:44,680 Speaker 1: And something else that colors that this is Leslie zebra 249 00:14:44,720 --> 00:14:47,680 Speaker 1: Witz from Brandis University, and she said that the people 250 00:14:47,720 --> 00:14:50,920 Speaker 1: who have the best judgments about strangers, make you know 251 00:14:50,960 --> 00:14:53,120 Speaker 1: when they have a first impression of someone, are people 252 00:14:53,160 --> 00:14:57,160 Speaker 1: who actually get out among people and develop relationships. They 253 00:14:57,200 --> 00:15:00,280 Speaker 1: make more accurate snap judgments. So those are probably though, 254 00:15:00,480 --> 00:15:05,040 Speaker 1: the extroverts that we're talking about, extroverts. You are really 255 00:15:05,160 --> 00:15:11,720 Speaker 1: looking good in this podcast and extroversion introversion. Notwithstanding, Randy 256 00:15:11,760 --> 00:15:16,160 Speaker 1: Colvin at Northeastern University, who is the psychology professor there, 257 00:15:16,360 --> 00:15:19,880 Speaker 1: points out that I thought this was great. Mentally, healthy 258 00:15:19,920 --> 00:15:23,640 Speaker 1: individuals are the easiest to judge, so it's hard to 259 00:15:23,640 --> 00:15:28,480 Speaker 1: spot crazy. This is what I'm learning from this podcast. Yeah, 260 00:15:28,520 --> 00:15:30,600 Speaker 1: it's it is hard to make that judgment, I guess, 261 00:15:30,640 --> 00:15:32,840 Speaker 1: But I mean, how do you know if someone's faking? 262 00:15:32,840 --> 00:15:37,520 Speaker 1: But anyway, well, Colvin said that healthy individuals exterior behavior 263 00:15:37,600 --> 00:15:40,320 Speaker 1: mimics their internal views of themselves, and so what you 264 00:15:40,360 --> 00:15:43,600 Speaker 1: see is what you get. But going back to Paul Ekman, 265 00:15:43,920 --> 00:15:45,840 Speaker 1: he said that we have a really hard time picking 266 00:15:45,880 --> 00:15:48,760 Speaker 1: up on fake emotion right off the bat. And I mean, obviously, 267 00:15:48,760 --> 00:15:50,800 Speaker 1: if you spend any degree of time with someone, you 268 00:15:50,840 --> 00:15:53,480 Speaker 1: can probably tell they're full of it, you know, But 269 00:15:53,720 --> 00:15:56,400 Speaker 1: it's that initial snap judgment where you're if you're all 270 00:15:56,440 --> 00:15:58,400 Speaker 1: smiley and bubbly, you think, oh my gosh, that person 271 00:15:58,440 --> 00:16:00,360 Speaker 1: is so happy. Are not going And we have to 272 00:16:00,360 --> 00:16:02,760 Speaker 1: remember too, when we're talking about first impressions, we're talking 273 00:16:02,760 --> 00:16:07,160 Speaker 1: about a window of seconds, if not millisecond um. And 274 00:16:07,200 --> 00:16:10,480 Speaker 1: then there's also the issue of how much alike we 275 00:16:10,640 --> 00:16:13,280 Speaker 1: perceive someone to be. If we feel some kind of 276 00:16:13,720 --> 00:16:18,040 Speaker 1: immediate kinship or affiliation with a person, of course that's 277 00:16:18,080 --> 00:16:21,400 Speaker 1: going to make them look even better in our eyes 278 00:16:21,480 --> 00:16:26,200 Speaker 1: because we are making those those economic reward value judgments. 279 00:16:26,280 --> 00:16:29,680 Speaker 1: And this corresponds to a n study and social cognition 280 00:16:29,720 --> 00:16:32,200 Speaker 1: were subjects were asked to form impressions of a target 281 00:16:32,200 --> 00:16:34,520 Speaker 1: person who was similar or dissimilar to them in terms 282 00:16:34,600 --> 00:16:38,520 Speaker 1: of attitudes and activity preferences. And it turns out that 283 00:16:38,600 --> 00:16:42,680 Speaker 1: if someone has activity interests in common with you, that 284 00:16:42,760 --> 00:16:47,000 Speaker 1: affects your liking judgments and your influences your inferences of 285 00:16:47,080 --> 00:16:49,640 Speaker 1: socially desirable traits. So you want to hang out with 286 00:16:49,680 --> 00:16:54,280 Speaker 1: somebody who has similar activity interests if their attitude is similar, 287 00:16:54,400 --> 00:16:58,360 Speaker 1: that affects your respect judgments and influences your inferences of 288 00:16:58,520 --> 00:17:02,360 Speaker 1: intellectually desirable traits. So if someone shares your attitude about 289 00:17:02,480 --> 00:17:05,560 Speaker 1: politics or hot dogs or whatever, you're gonna think they're 290 00:17:05,600 --> 00:17:08,120 Speaker 1: pretty smart cookie. If they like to do the same 291 00:17:08,160 --> 00:17:10,040 Speaker 1: things that you do, you're gonna want to hang out 292 00:17:10,080 --> 00:17:13,800 Speaker 1: with them, which makes sense, Like talking about my interests 293 00:17:13,800 --> 00:17:17,720 Speaker 1: are talking politics while eating hot dogs? Yeah, and if 294 00:17:17,760 --> 00:17:19,760 Speaker 1: if I pick up on that right away, I'm gonna 295 00:17:19,800 --> 00:17:22,320 Speaker 1: want to get to know you better. Yeah, let's eat 296 00:17:22,320 --> 00:17:25,359 Speaker 1: hot dogs together and talk about the presidential rave. But 297 00:17:25,440 --> 00:17:29,200 Speaker 1: if you are concerned at all about how accurate your 298 00:17:29,240 --> 00:17:33,000 Speaker 1: first impressions are, then there is a way that you 299 00:17:33,119 --> 00:17:36,600 Speaker 1: can't improve upon them. And this is all very much 300 00:17:36,680 --> 00:17:39,280 Speaker 1: common sense to me. This is based on a two 301 00:17:39,280 --> 00:17:42,720 Speaker 1: thousand nine study also published in the Journal of Psychological Science, 302 00:17:43,240 --> 00:17:47,440 Speaker 1: and essentially the researchers found that if you go out 303 00:17:47,440 --> 00:17:52,399 Speaker 1: of your way to make a more accurate first impression 304 00:17:52,520 --> 00:17:56,479 Speaker 1: to judge people more accurately. You're gonna do that. The 305 00:17:56,520 --> 00:18:00,480 Speaker 1: only downside of that is it might not mean that 306 00:18:00,560 --> 00:18:03,360 Speaker 1: you will like what you find. You are less likely 307 00:18:03,400 --> 00:18:07,120 Speaker 1: to come out with a positive um first impression then 308 00:18:07,200 --> 00:18:10,399 Speaker 1: you would otherwise be. Yeah, if your radar is up, 309 00:18:10,400 --> 00:18:12,640 Speaker 1: you're trying to pick up on everything. Whereas if you're 310 00:18:12,640 --> 00:18:14,840 Speaker 1: just bumping into someone in line at the grocery store, 311 00:18:14,880 --> 00:18:17,560 Speaker 1: you might think, Oh, that person the jerk, or oh, 312 00:18:17,640 --> 00:18:21,479 Speaker 1: this person seems really friendly, Whereas if you've been told like, okay, 313 00:18:21,480 --> 00:18:23,800 Speaker 1: you have to pick up on you know, everything about 314 00:18:23,840 --> 00:18:25,560 Speaker 1: this person as soon as you meet them, you're probably 315 00:18:25,560 --> 00:18:29,160 Speaker 1: going to be more attuned to the intricacies of their personality. 316 00:18:29,480 --> 00:18:31,600 Speaker 1: And those are the kind of situations that would probably 317 00:18:31,640 --> 00:18:35,040 Speaker 1: come up in something like a job interview or if 318 00:18:35,119 --> 00:18:37,400 Speaker 1: you you know, if you're going to an event of 319 00:18:37,440 --> 00:18:40,240 Speaker 1: some sort where you need to make a first impression 320 00:18:40,640 --> 00:18:45,080 Speaker 1: or you need to have your you know, first impression, uh, 321 00:18:45,560 --> 00:18:50,119 Speaker 1: gauges on more accurately than just walking down the street. Yeah, 322 00:18:50,200 --> 00:18:52,920 Speaker 1: And something else that happens in a job interview sege 323 00:18:53,760 --> 00:18:57,680 Speaker 1: is handshaking and a two thousand University of Alabama study 324 00:18:57,720 --> 00:19:00,760 Speaker 1: that a firm handshake was related positive heavily to extra 325 00:19:00,880 --> 00:19:05,480 Speaker 1: version and emotional expressiveness, but negatively to shyness and neuroticism. 326 00:19:05,480 --> 00:19:09,280 Speaker 1: There's that thing again. Um. It was also positively related 327 00:19:09,320 --> 00:19:13,600 Speaker 1: to openness to experience, but only for women. Yeah. The 328 00:19:13,720 --> 00:19:18,880 Speaker 1: researchers suggest that since we expect for men to have 329 00:19:18,960 --> 00:19:22,879 Speaker 1: a firmed handshake, and because handshaking going back into history 330 00:19:22,920 --> 00:19:27,480 Speaker 1: has existed as this form of agreement and camaraderie, specifically 331 00:19:27,520 --> 00:19:31,640 Speaker 1: between men, I will not kill you, right, the war 332 00:19:31,880 --> 00:19:37,840 Speaker 1: is over handshake? Um, then for women, now we a 333 00:19:37,840 --> 00:19:41,040 Speaker 1: firm handshake from us will sort of open open us 334 00:19:41,080 --> 00:19:44,760 Speaker 1: up in men's eyes. Right. And the researchers in the 335 00:19:44,840 --> 00:19:48,720 Speaker 1: study found that, you know, so openness to experience firm 336 00:19:48,760 --> 00:19:52,840 Speaker 1: handshake women well, more open women are perceived more favorably 337 00:19:53,320 --> 00:19:57,280 Speaker 1: by the the the handshake researchers in the study the 338 00:19:57,359 --> 00:20:01,480 Speaker 1: judges of handshakes. But men with a less firm handshake 339 00:20:01,560 --> 00:20:05,600 Speaker 1: we're seen as more open, and we're judged less favorably. 340 00:20:06,600 --> 00:20:11,199 Speaker 1: So men with soft handshakes seem more let's just say it, 341 00:20:11,400 --> 00:20:15,840 Speaker 1: they seem more feminine. That could be thereby our judge 342 00:20:16,040 --> 00:20:18,560 Speaker 1: less favorably I'm just gonna say, on a side note, 343 00:20:18,560 --> 00:20:20,760 Speaker 1: I pay attention to my handshake. I think I got 344 00:20:20,800 --> 00:20:22,840 Speaker 1: a pretty good handshake. I think I have a good 345 00:20:22,840 --> 00:20:24,600 Speaker 1: one too, just because I was also raised by a 346 00:20:24,640 --> 00:20:26,840 Speaker 1: woman who was like, oh, that man just gave me 347 00:20:26,880 --> 00:20:30,119 Speaker 1: a limp handshake, so let's let's shake hands right now. 348 00:20:31,760 --> 00:20:34,080 Speaker 1: It's pretty good. Thanks, you could tighten your grip. Wait, 349 00:20:34,119 --> 00:20:35,520 Speaker 1: you know what, I was trying to reach out a 350 00:20:35,560 --> 00:20:39,080 Speaker 1: microphone also, I, um, well, I did use my I'm 351 00:20:39,119 --> 00:20:41,840 Speaker 1: left handed, but I immediately reached out my right hand. 352 00:20:41,920 --> 00:20:45,120 Speaker 1: That's right, yeah, moving in a right handed world. Um, 353 00:20:45,320 --> 00:20:48,479 Speaker 1: current events side note when I mean it wasn't at 354 00:20:48,480 --> 00:20:51,600 Speaker 1: the time, but it is pertinent now. My mother was 355 00:20:51,640 --> 00:20:53,960 Speaker 1: one of our chaperones on my eighth grade Washington, d C. 356 00:20:54,119 --> 00:20:57,000 Speaker 1: Trip and Newt Gingrich met my entire class and was 357 00:20:57,040 --> 00:20:59,680 Speaker 1: shaking everybody, everybody's hands and she, my mother leans down 358 00:20:59,680 --> 00:21:03,639 Speaker 1: to me this like he has a lamp handshake. She 359 00:21:03,640 --> 00:21:06,919 Speaker 1: didn't like him. After that, She's like lost my vote. Yeah, 360 00:21:07,080 --> 00:21:11,200 Speaker 1: if she voted, I don't know. So something as innocuous 361 00:21:11,200 --> 00:21:14,840 Speaker 1: as a politician giving a quick handshake to your mother 362 00:21:15,520 --> 00:21:19,520 Speaker 1: could have the ramification of her, you know, creating all 363 00:21:19,520 --> 00:21:23,040 Speaker 1: of these value judgments around how he would effectively or 364 00:21:23,080 --> 00:21:27,360 Speaker 1: ineffectively governed. All right, you could say that that could 365 00:21:27,400 --> 00:21:31,960 Speaker 1: be an example of a horns effect of a first 366 00:21:32,000 --> 00:21:36,680 Speaker 1: impression exactly. Yeah, there's this halo effect versus horns effect 367 00:21:36,720 --> 00:21:39,199 Speaker 1: thing that comes up in the book First Impressions, What 368 00:21:39,280 --> 00:21:42,199 Speaker 1: you don't know about how others see you by and 369 00:21:42,480 --> 00:21:45,240 Speaker 1: Demo Ray and Valerie White and this is coming Good 370 00:21:45,240 --> 00:21:48,440 Speaker 1: Morning America ran an excerpt of this book on their website. 371 00:21:48,920 --> 00:21:51,919 Speaker 1: And apparently, when you meet someone and you get a 372 00:21:51,920 --> 00:21:53,720 Speaker 1: good first impression right off the bat, they give you 373 00:21:53,760 --> 00:21:57,159 Speaker 1: a good handshake, or they're open or extroverted, it has 374 00:21:57,160 --> 00:22:00,800 Speaker 1: a ripple effect and you make immediate judgment about how 375 00:22:00,840 --> 00:22:03,879 Speaker 1: they are in other areas. So if they are if 376 00:22:03,920 --> 00:22:05,880 Speaker 1: you judge them to be awesome right off the bat, 377 00:22:06,359 --> 00:22:11,840 Speaker 1: then you also probably are assuming that they're nice, you know, generous, kind, extroverted. 378 00:22:12,240 --> 00:22:15,120 Speaker 1: If you get a bad impression, like my mother did 379 00:22:15,119 --> 00:22:20,000 Speaker 1: of New Gingrich back in um, she all of a 380 00:22:20,040 --> 00:22:22,280 Speaker 1: sudden had this horrible opinion of him that he must 381 00:22:22,320 --> 00:22:26,000 Speaker 1: be weak and you know, kind of just she thought 382 00:22:26,000 --> 00:22:28,560 Speaker 1: he was icky, is what she said. Yeah, laziness is 383 00:22:28,600 --> 00:22:31,080 Speaker 1: a trait that comes up a lot and evaluating first 384 00:22:31,119 --> 00:22:35,320 Speaker 1: impressions positive and negative traits. Yeah, and like we talked 385 00:22:35,320 --> 00:22:38,840 Speaker 1: about earlier, it tends to color how you see that 386 00:22:38,880 --> 00:22:40,800 Speaker 1: person from then on out. And it takes a long 387 00:22:40,880 --> 00:22:45,199 Speaker 1: time to overcome a bad first impression. Whereas people forgive 388 00:22:45,240 --> 00:22:47,600 Speaker 1: you easily if if you've made a good first impression 389 00:22:47,920 --> 00:22:49,919 Speaker 1: and then the next day you're kind of cold and 390 00:22:49,960 --> 00:22:52,639 Speaker 1: self absorbed and kind of a jerk, people forgive you 391 00:22:52,680 --> 00:22:56,360 Speaker 1: because they think, well, this isn't in line with their characteristics. 392 00:22:56,400 --> 00:22:58,280 Speaker 1: You know, they're they're probably a good person having a 393 00:22:58,280 --> 00:23:00,600 Speaker 1: bad day. This reminds me of a it a mistake 394 00:23:00,640 --> 00:23:04,760 Speaker 1: that I made my first year of high school. See, 395 00:23:04,880 --> 00:23:07,320 Speaker 1: I was homeschooled in middle school. So the first day 396 00:23:07,320 --> 00:23:10,240 Speaker 1: of high school was a really big idea, A really 397 00:23:10,359 --> 00:23:13,840 Speaker 1: a really big deal, I should say to me, still 398 00:23:13,880 --> 00:23:16,080 Speaker 1: working things out in my head about it, and it 399 00:23:16,160 --> 00:23:17,800 Speaker 1: was such a big deal. And of course I bought, 400 00:23:17,840 --> 00:23:21,040 Speaker 1: you know, a new outfit for my first day of school, 401 00:23:21,280 --> 00:23:24,440 Speaker 1: but I decided that I should save this killer outfit 402 00:23:24,920 --> 00:23:26,960 Speaker 1: not for the first day, but for the second day 403 00:23:27,000 --> 00:23:29,320 Speaker 1: of school. You know, I could just like blend in 404 00:23:29,640 --> 00:23:32,720 Speaker 1: like the first day, because everybody's gonna be I really 405 00:23:32,720 --> 00:23:34,480 Speaker 1: thought this through because I was like, you know, there's 406 00:23:34,480 --> 00:23:37,159 Speaker 1: gonna be so much going on, why not save the 407 00:23:37,320 --> 00:23:39,919 Speaker 1: killer outfit for the second day of school when everybody 408 00:23:39,920 --> 00:23:43,440 Speaker 1: else is slacked off. Yeah, it was. It totally backfire. 409 00:23:44,119 --> 00:23:48,320 Speaker 1: I were just an unfortunate combination of clothing on the 410 00:23:48,320 --> 00:23:51,159 Speaker 1: first day of school, and by the second day I 411 00:23:51,160 --> 00:23:54,280 Speaker 1: could tell that all the popular girls had already judged 412 00:23:54,320 --> 00:23:57,679 Speaker 1: me as this bad dresser with a bowl cut. The 413 00:23:57,720 --> 00:24:01,760 Speaker 1: bowl cut I couldn't change. Look god it. But yeah, 414 00:24:01,880 --> 00:24:04,240 Speaker 1: and I don't think that. I don't think I recovered. 415 00:24:05,040 --> 00:24:07,720 Speaker 1: But that's that's another podcast. Well you are You know 416 00:24:07,800 --> 00:24:10,399 Speaker 1: you mentioned the popular girls making a decision about you, 417 00:24:10,480 --> 00:24:13,320 Speaker 1: and people do evaluate how you make them feel. So 418 00:24:13,440 --> 00:24:16,119 Speaker 1: maybe by dressing weird and having a bowl cut, you 419 00:24:16,200 --> 00:24:20,879 Speaker 1: made them feel uncomfortable and therefore did not want to 420 00:24:20,920 --> 00:24:22,719 Speaker 1: hang out with you after that because they were like, 421 00:24:23,160 --> 00:24:26,120 Speaker 1: that girl makes me feel weird. I'm glad no one 422 00:24:26,200 --> 00:24:28,720 Speaker 1: told me that when I was fifteen. Caravine, I know, 423 00:24:28,760 --> 00:24:33,280 Speaker 1: I'm just crushing crushing your self esteem. It's okay in retrospect. 424 00:24:33,359 --> 00:24:36,400 Speaker 1: It is rebounded since. But this is from that First 425 00:24:36,440 --> 00:24:40,200 Speaker 1: Impressions book, and people tend to seek out others who 426 00:24:40,240 --> 00:24:44,440 Speaker 1: provide them with the feelings and benefits that they desire. 427 00:24:45,040 --> 00:24:47,640 Speaker 1: So if you are open and make someone feel warm 428 00:24:47,680 --> 00:24:50,080 Speaker 1: and welcome, then they're gonna want to hang out with you. 429 00:24:50,160 --> 00:24:55,360 Speaker 1: I thought I was being friendly. Well, they're their first 430 00:24:55,400 --> 00:24:59,240 Speaker 1: impression obviously was not warm and welcoming to you, right, Um, 431 00:24:59,480 --> 00:25:05,480 Speaker 1: who need them anyway? Exactly? Friends? But uh yeah. So 432 00:25:05,560 --> 00:25:08,960 Speaker 1: the more you the more you listen and connect with 433 00:25:09,040 --> 00:25:11,320 Speaker 1: someone that you've just met, the more likely it is 434 00:25:11,359 --> 00:25:15,200 Speaker 1: that other people will return that same attention. And one 435 00:25:15,400 --> 00:25:18,720 Speaker 1: one big question that we haven't really addressed about first 436 00:25:18,720 --> 00:25:23,040 Speaker 1: impressions is whether or not women or men are more 437 00:25:23,080 --> 00:25:26,520 Speaker 1: accurate with those initial judgments. I think there is a 438 00:25:26,560 --> 00:25:30,840 Speaker 1: stereotype that women are judge e er if you will, 439 00:25:30,960 --> 00:25:33,920 Speaker 1: to use the phrase that some people hate. Uh, there's 440 00:25:33,960 --> 00:25:37,640 Speaker 1: that stereotype and also the idea that because women tend 441 00:25:37,640 --> 00:25:42,080 Speaker 1: to have higher interpersonal sensitivity, that we must form more 442 00:25:42,119 --> 00:25:47,080 Speaker 1: accurate first impressions. Um. But, according to a two thousand 443 00:25:47,359 --> 00:25:50,119 Speaker 1: study from the University of British Columbia published in the 444 00:25:50,200 --> 00:25:57,040 Speaker 1: journal Research in Personality, while our general first impression evaluations 445 00:25:57,080 --> 00:25:59,080 Speaker 1: tend to be more accurate, we can pick out those 446 00:25:59,160 --> 00:26:02,120 Speaker 1: large personnel the traits a little bit better than men 447 00:26:02,200 --> 00:26:04,800 Speaker 1: might be able to. But when it comes to more 448 00:26:04,880 --> 00:26:09,679 Speaker 1: specifics about who people are, really no gender difference. So 449 00:26:09,720 --> 00:26:12,880 Speaker 1: I think it goes back to the motivation of do 450 00:26:12,960 --> 00:26:17,919 Speaker 1: we want to form an accurate judgment of someone? What 451 00:26:17,960 --> 00:26:21,040 Speaker 1: are we looking for? Are we just judging someone solely 452 00:26:21,080 --> 00:26:23,400 Speaker 1: based on whether or not they do have a bowl 453 00:26:23,440 --> 00:26:27,600 Speaker 1: cut or whether or not that person with a bowl 454 00:26:27,600 --> 00:26:31,520 Speaker 1: cut is a nice girl. I'm sure she is still 455 00:26:32,280 --> 00:26:35,800 Speaker 1: still uh so I think that I think that about 456 00:26:35,840 --> 00:26:39,080 Speaker 1: covers it. Yeah, I I you know you you have 457 00:26:39,119 --> 00:26:43,000 Speaker 1: a very small window in which to make everyone like you, 458 00:26:43,280 --> 00:26:45,640 Speaker 1: which is why we need to change our Facebook profile 459 00:26:45,680 --> 00:26:50,719 Speaker 1: picture pronto. People might think we're ridiculous. If anyone, if 460 00:26:50,760 --> 00:26:53,639 Speaker 1: anyone has suggestions for I don't know, some kind of 461 00:26:53,720 --> 00:26:56,920 Speaker 1: really cool pose that we could do, Yeah, that could 462 00:26:57,720 --> 00:27:02,120 Speaker 1: just skyrocket us. Just as warning, I have very poor balance, 463 00:27:02,240 --> 00:27:04,040 Speaker 1: so it can't be anything that involves like standing on 464 00:27:04,119 --> 00:27:06,480 Speaker 1: one leg or so I can't like boost you onto 465 00:27:06,480 --> 00:27:10,040 Speaker 1: my shoulders would immediately I would immediately fall over. Okay, 466 00:27:10,119 --> 00:27:13,760 Speaker 1: all right, well back to the drawing boards. Then, well, 467 00:27:13,800 --> 00:27:16,359 Speaker 1: we have given you so much information about first impressions, 468 00:27:16,359 --> 00:27:17,919 Speaker 1: a lot of which I feel like is sort of 469 00:27:17,920 --> 00:27:20,760 Speaker 1: common sense. But I think it's comforting to know that 470 00:27:21,119 --> 00:27:23,680 Speaker 1: our first impressions do steer us, at least in the 471 00:27:23,800 --> 00:27:28,520 Speaker 1: right direction, unless it's a crazy person or someone who's neurotic, 472 00:27:28,560 --> 00:27:32,000 Speaker 1: in which case you never can tell, you know, unless 473 00:27:32,000 --> 00:27:35,520 Speaker 1: they're carrying around a lot of cats. So that's all 474 00:27:35,560 --> 00:27:38,520 Speaker 1: we have for you today, mom. Stuff at Discovery dot 475 00:27:38,560 --> 00:27:42,000 Speaker 1: com is where you can send your thoughts and feelings 476 00:27:42,040 --> 00:27:46,800 Speaker 1: about first impressions, and we have a couple of emails here, 477 00:27:46,880 --> 00:27:51,720 Speaker 1: the first of which is in response to a listener 478 00:27:51,760 --> 00:27:56,680 Speaker 1: email from UH from a couple of episodes ago. Okay, 479 00:27:56,720 --> 00:27:59,320 Speaker 1: this is from Jessica. She has some advice. She says, 480 00:27:59,320 --> 00:28:01,639 Speaker 1: I'm a thirty four years old and I'm actively engaged 481 00:28:01,640 --> 00:28:05,000 Speaker 1: in muy tai, which is tai kickboxing. At first, new 482 00:28:05,040 --> 00:28:07,119 Speaker 1: guys are generally unwilling to get into the ring with me, 483 00:28:07,160 --> 00:28:09,320 Speaker 1: but after a few times they get totally used to 484 00:28:09,320 --> 00:28:12,400 Speaker 1: it and are absolutely willing to become more regular sparring partners. 485 00:28:12,800 --> 00:28:14,520 Speaker 1: You can't forget that in a big way. They are 486 00:28:14,520 --> 00:28:18,520 Speaker 1: breaking very ingrained taboos to never hit girls. It's hard 487 00:28:18,560 --> 00:28:20,240 Speaker 1: for them and they don't want to feel like jerks 488 00:28:20,760 --> 00:28:23,080 Speaker 1: for now. I know it's frustrating, and I agree with 489 00:28:23,119 --> 00:28:25,600 Speaker 1: the advice to talk to your instructor about it. Sometimes 490 00:28:25,600 --> 00:28:27,760 Speaker 1: working with someone at a much lower level than you 491 00:28:27,840 --> 00:28:29,919 Speaker 1: gets annoying because you don't feel like you're getting a 492 00:28:29,920 --> 00:28:32,919 Speaker 1: workout or progressing. So ask to work with someone of 493 00:28:32,920 --> 00:28:34,840 Speaker 1: a much higher level than you from time to time, 494 00:28:34,920 --> 00:28:37,320 Speaker 1: even if they're much bigger. It's great for them to 495 00:28:37,359 --> 00:28:39,880 Speaker 1: work on their technique. And think about that when you're 496 00:28:39,880 --> 00:28:42,320 Speaker 1: working with people at a lower level, and you'll feel 497 00:28:42,320 --> 00:28:45,760 Speaker 1: yourself progressing too and won't get discouraged again. Just keep 498 00:28:45,760 --> 00:28:47,880 Speaker 1: it up and wait it out. Remember you're not going 499 00:28:47,920 --> 00:28:50,040 Speaker 1: to win any fight by giving up, So this is 500 00:28:50,120 --> 00:28:54,360 Speaker 1: just more place to put that into practice. Well, I 501 00:28:54,400 --> 00:28:56,880 Speaker 1: have an email here from Carrie in and this is 502 00:28:56,920 --> 00:28:59,520 Speaker 1: in response to our episode on whether or not gay 503 00:28:59,520 --> 00:29:03,520 Speaker 1: house olds are more egalitarian when it comes to things 504 00:29:03,560 --> 00:29:07,240 Speaker 1: like splitting up chores and all that business. And she writes, 505 00:29:07,520 --> 00:29:10,560 Speaker 1: because I'm a proudly bisexual woman who is currently in 506 00:29:10,560 --> 00:29:14,640 Speaker 1: a long term relationship with a man and points out that, uh, 507 00:29:14,720 --> 00:29:17,560 Speaker 1: none of the studies that we referenced took into account 508 00:29:18,080 --> 00:29:21,479 Speaker 1: bisexual couples. And she writes, my experience with my current 509 00:29:21,520 --> 00:29:24,920 Speaker 1: partner maybe interesting to some of your listeners. We've been 510 00:29:24,960 --> 00:29:27,800 Speaker 1: together for eight years and began living together after only 511 00:29:27,880 --> 00:29:29,840 Speaker 1: one year. He is the love of my life and 512 00:29:29,920 --> 00:29:33,160 Speaker 1: soul mate, but that does not change my sexuality. I 513 00:29:33,200 --> 00:29:35,360 Speaker 1: think my partner found it difficult to work out what 514 00:29:35,400 --> 00:29:38,080 Speaker 1: our roles were when we moved in together because, and 515 00:29:38,080 --> 00:29:41,480 Speaker 1: we have discussed this openly and intelligently, he admits he 516 00:29:41,560 --> 00:29:44,560 Speaker 1: thought that we would just fall into stereotypical operating norms 517 00:29:44,560 --> 00:29:47,720 Speaker 1: in terms of household chores and cleaning. At the time, 518 00:29:47,760 --> 00:29:50,360 Speaker 1: he worked more hours than I did, but I earned more, 519 00:29:50,800 --> 00:29:53,600 Speaker 1: so money or time wasn't always a situation, as the 520 00:29:53,640 --> 00:29:57,040 Speaker 1: one study you discussed positive. I am happy to take 521 00:29:57,040 --> 00:30:01,080 Speaker 1: responsibility for outside manly chores like mo and gardening, but 522 00:30:01,120 --> 00:30:03,080 Speaker 1: do not enjoy them, so I hire a handyman to 523 00:30:03,120 --> 00:30:05,320 Speaker 1: take care of it. My partner is a great cook 524 00:30:05,360 --> 00:30:07,760 Speaker 1: and enjoys creating new dishes and trying new recipes, so 525 00:30:07,800 --> 00:30:10,720 Speaker 1: he is the kitchen god. I am very grateful, but 526 00:30:11,000 --> 00:30:13,560 Speaker 1: to help us both enjoy the kitchen where we installed 527 00:30:13,560 --> 00:30:16,080 Speaker 1: a dishwasher. Oh man, that does make a big difference. 528 00:30:16,760 --> 00:30:19,560 Speaker 1: We have discussed having children and I've already decided that 529 00:30:19,600 --> 00:30:22,440 Speaker 1: as I get huge job satisfaction and he not so much, 530 00:30:22,480 --> 00:30:23,920 Speaker 1: that he would stay home with a baby and I 531 00:30:23,920 --> 00:30:25,600 Speaker 1: would go to work as soon as I was physically 532 00:30:25,600 --> 00:30:29,160 Speaker 1: able after the birth. Our misconceptions about the style of 533 00:30:29,160 --> 00:30:31,280 Speaker 1: our relationship was a hurdle at first, but made us 534 00:30:31,400 --> 00:30:34,920 Speaker 1: very good communicators and our relationship is so strong now 535 00:30:35,280 --> 00:30:38,520 Speaker 1: because of it. UM and she and talking about those studies, 536 00:30:38,560 --> 00:30:42,840 Speaker 1: I did find one study regarding UM gender roles and 537 00:30:42,920 --> 00:30:45,800 Speaker 1: the UM whether or not they were more egalitarian with 538 00:30:46,120 --> 00:30:52,320 Speaker 1: UM transgender couples, but bisexual couples I didn't find anything. 539 00:30:52,440 --> 00:30:54,560 Speaker 1: And again this is something that comes up a lot 540 00:30:54,600 --> 00:30:57,800 Speaker 1: in the podcast that there is still UM a lot 541 00:30:57,840 --> 00:30:59,880 Speaker 1: of their there there are a number of holes in 542 00:31:00,720 --> 00:31:03,080 Speaker 1: sexuality research that are starting to be filled more to 543 00:31:03,160 --> 00:31:07,680 Speaker 1: take into account more than just heater sexual homosexual couples UM. 544 00:31:07,720 --> 00:31:12,960 Speaker 1: So thanks to Carry from Australia for sending in that insight, 545 00:31:13,360 --> 00:31:15,320 Speaker 1: and of course if you have anything to send our way, 546 00:31:15,360 --> 00:31:18,320 Speaker 1: you can email us at Mom's Stuff at Discovery dot com. 547 00:31:18,560 --> 00:31:20,840 Speaker 1: You can find us on Facebook and look at our 548 00:31:21,560 --> 00:31:25,680 Speaker 1: lackluster profile picture, and you can also follow us on 549 00:31:25,720 --> 00:31:29,760 Speaker 1: Twitter at mom Stuff podcast and Of course, you can 550 00:31:29,840 --> 00:31:32,880 Speaker 1: read what we're up to during the week at our homesite, 551 00:31:33,240 --> 00:31:39,480 Speaker 1: how stuff works dot com. Be sure to check out 552 00:31:39,480 --> 00:31:42,680 Speaker 1: our new video podcast, Stuff from the Future. Join how 553 00:31:42,720 --> 00:31:45,920 Speaker 1: Stuppork staff as we explore the most promising and perplexing 554 00:31:46,000 --> 00:31:50,120 Speaker 1: possibilities of tomorrow. The How Stuff Works iPhone app has arrived. 555 00:31:50,280 --> 00:31:52,200 Speaker 1: Download it today on iTunes.