Speaker 1: The nick A Gliser Podcast.
Speaker 2: Glaser Cheer's Nikki. Hello here, I am welcome to the show.
Speaker 2: It's Nicky Glazer Podcast starting off this week. Strong. I'm
Speaker 2: in I'm feeling strong. I really that sounds yeah, I'm
Speaker 2: feeling strong. I yeah, I think, yeah, I feel good.
Speaker 2: You gotta work out today. I did. I already got
Speaker 2: it done and my schedule is insane today. I shared
Speaker 2: it on the Girl's Chat because I needed someone to
Speaker 2: bear witness to it. I really don't. I was like,
Speaker 2: I don't even know where I'm going to walk my
Speaker 2: dog in this. It's just back to back and it's
Speaker 2: just talking all day long and different things. But I
Speaker 2: started it out with a pilates you know, work like
Speaker 2: a plank class, a lagree class, and I finished it
Speaker 2: and it was so hard because I'm out of shape
Speaker 2: because I've been on the road for so long and
Speaker 2: I'm back in Saint Louis and I went to my
Speaker 2: regular class and it was so difficult. And then I
Speaker 2: was like, nothing I do today is going to be
Speaker 2: as hard as that just was. That's why I did it.
Speaker 2: It's just it's like you the first thing in the morning,
Speaker 2: right because you're up at six. I don't always do
Speaker 2: it first thing in the morning, but I was up
Speaker 2: at six. I like to get up two hours before
Speaker 2: I have to go to that class because it leaves
Speaker 2: me time to walk the dog, which, by the way,
Speaker 2: it's dark at six in the morning, which I didn't
Speaker 2: know because I don't ever get up at six in
Speaker 2: the morning. Sometimes I do to catch a flight. But like,
Speaker 2: you can't walk your dog, and when it's dark, I can't.
Speaker 2: Like I'm a single lady and I'm defenseless, and when
Speaker 2: it's dark it's dangerous. You can't. Like, my neighborhood is
Speaker 2: kind of getting spooky lately.
Speaker 1: Well, it's spooky season for that reason.
Speaker 2: It's because of homelessness and our country's ability to inability
Speaker 2: to handle it.
Speaker 1: And I am ceting season.
Speaker 2: It's a display.
Speaker 1: Run it around with that knife was just protested.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's a really good point. Yeah. I really got
Speaker 2: accosted last night with my mom and she was like,
Speaker 2: you do this alone, and I'm like, every single time,
Speaker 2: and every time I go downstairs. Now, my neighborhood, I
Speaker 2: think everyone's felt the shift. Not everyone, but a lot
Speaker 2: of people have felt a shift in their neighborhoods where
Speaker 2: over just a couple months, You're like, I'm just getting
Speaker 2: I'm feeling less safe more and more often. There's always
Speaker 2: someone Who've got to keep my eye on. I can't
Speaker 2: have my AirPods in anymore, I can't be on my phone.
Speaker 2: I have to be alert of what's going on around me.
Speaker 2: I'm jumping a lot more like when there's like someone
Speaker 2: that's not scary, you know, like, I'm just like it's
Speaker 2: getting it's before Halloween.
Speaker 3: Can I give you a quick self defense tactic that
Speaker 3: you can carry in the morning when you're walking Goldie
Speaker 3: at six am.
Speaker 2: It's dark, very easy.
Speaker 3: It's not mace, it's not those like knuckle things to
Speaker 3: punch any screaming fire.
Speaker 2: It's not screaming fire.
Speaker 3: Take a really bright little flashlight and if you feel
Speaker 3: someone is walking up and attacking, you can just blind
Speaker 3: them and then run.
Speaker 2: So I should have my phone out because that flashlight
Speaker 2: on your phone is very intense. I would say more
Speaker 2: intense with like intense, Okay, like a very intense flashlight.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you need to get like a lot of lumins.
Speaker 2: It's a great ideas. That's a great idea that's been
Speaker 2: your self defense dipped from no thank you for that.
Speaker 2: I think that's something that everyone can employ because that's
Speaker 2: you probably have a flashlight laying around. I'm just like,
Speaker 2: I don't think people understand what it's like to be
Speaker 2: a lady walking around at night. It's like and it's
Speaker 2: just it's.
Speaker 1: Getting even I'm as a man. I'm a man, and
Speaker 1: I feel the same way. I even even in my
Speaker 1: little uh Culver City is supposed to be like a
Speaker 1: pretty safe, like Beverly Hills esque area, but no, it's
Speaker 1: just like compared to where I grew up, like in
Speaker 1: the suburbs of Long Island, I feel so so frequently
Speaker 1: in danger when I'm walking my dog at night. Yeah,
Speaker 1: there's just always somebody. And one of the reasons why
Speaker 1: it's so bad in LA as opposed to like New
Speaker 1: York City, where you see a lot of suspicious characters
Speaker 1: roaming the streets, is that in LA at least, you're
Speaker 1: always alone. If you're walking around at night and there's
Speaker 1: a crazy person, it's just you and him.
Speaker 2: Yes, yes, it is, Saint Louis. There's not enough people
Speaker 2: either down here, and it's it really is. I just
Speaker 2: last night I was actually hoping for an incident, so
Speaker 2: I would have to get out of all my work today.
Speaker 2: I honestly told my mom, I was like, I just
Speaker 2: want to be injured enough that everyone goes take the
Speaker 2: day off, or like spooked enough, like I just want
Speaker 2: something to Like I was kind of wishing something would
Speaker 2: happen one of those days, but it really is like
Speaker 2: I would have to move, Like I've had to do
Speaker 2: this many times in my life, like not many, but
Speaker 2: a couple where like I lived in la for in
Speaker 2: two thousand and seven. I remember there was just a
Speaker 2: string of weirdos that started hanging out, and like one
Speaker 2: time a guy was masturbating on the street where I
Speaker 2: was trying to park and I would have to like
Speaker 2: pass by. He was standing just in the middle of
Speaker 2: the street jerking off. I had to like drive around him,
Speaker 2: and I was looking for parking and he was he
Speaker 2: was standing in front of my apartment. He didn't know
Speaker 2: I was that's where I lived or something. That's just
Speaker 2: where he chose to stand that night, and so I
Speaker 2: just had to keep driving around. I was like, I can't,
Speaker 2: this is unknowledgeable.
Speaker 1: That guy was just celebrating Easter, and then these people
Speaker 1: are all You're just around very festive places, but you
Speaker 1: lived in like a downtown area where there's like a
Speaker 1: lot of walkable stores and stuff like, is that why
Speaker 1: there's so many people around.
Speaker 2: No, it's like it's on the cusp of a bad neighborhood,
Speaker 2: you know, Like Saint Louis is very like one block over,
Speaker 2: and it's like the city doesn't fund it properly, like
Speaker 2: it's it's all messed up here. It's a great place
Speaker 2: to live. Our crime rates are through the roof because
Speaker 2: it's like it's it's a neighborhood. I'm not even near
Speaker 2: like like we have. There's some reason why we have
Speaker 2: such horrible crime rates.
Speaker 1: And Christmas saying it in the truck.
Speaker 2: Oh, the county and the city are like not the same,
Speaker 2: we have different I don't know. I've heard it explain
Speaker 2: so many times.
Speaker 1: Like most crime rates, I'm gonna I'm gonna guess what
Speaker 1: he said. Most crime rates take into account just the
Speaker 1: city or just the entire county, And for Saint Louis,
Speaker 1: you're getting just the city and so that inflates it.
Speaker 2: Per capital, the city in the county are like separate.
Speaker 2: But everyone just thinks that most of Saint Louis is
Speaker 2: County and they just think it's all of our city numbers.
Speaker 2: But yeah, I'm not. We're I'm not in like a
Speaker 2: crimey area.
Speaker 1: You're not in Like you're not walking around like worried
Speaker 1: that you're in the wire, you're gonna shot any.
Speaker 2: Sides I am lately though I'm not. I mean, it's
Speaker 2: just it's you know what it is. It's it's it's
Speaker 2: homeless people who are having psychotic breaks. It's not like
Speaker 2: even violent crimes that are premeditated or like muggings. Like
Speaker 2: it's just I'm scared of being stabbed by someone who
Speaker 2: got a new knife that day at the bins at Goodwill,
Speaker 2: And is I walk in some way, I mean, who
Speaker 2: knows what they're gonna find. Like, but just like twitchy
Speaker 2: people aren't properly medicated having psychotic brees, I honestly feel
Speaker 2: so bad for that. Like there's no part of me
Speaker 2: to like get out of here. I'm just like this
Speaker 2: this fucking guy last night, this guy really scared me
Speaker 2: my mom. He was like as he was like waiting
Speaker 2: for us outside my apartment, uh building door, like the
Speaker 2: main door we came out to walk Goldie, he's right
Speaker 2: there and he's like, can you call this number? And
Speaker 2: he's like, looks like his shirt's all torn, he's barefoot
Speaker 2: and just unc like, but he has his paper and
Speaker 2: he's like, will you please call? Like I don't have
Speaker 2: a phone and I need to have my friend picked
Speaker 2: me up, and thank god I didn't have my phone
Speaker 2: on me because I go, dude, I don't even have
Speaker 2: my phone. I'm so sorry, And I said, sir, I
Speaker 2: always try to look in the eye. I try to
Speaker 2: give them respect, because that guy would be me if
Speaker 2: I grew up as that guy, Like that guy didn't
Speaker 2: do anything in his life that made him deserve to
Speaker 2: be accosting me at that moment. Not that it's not scary,
Speaker 2: not that I'm not frustrated by it, but I was
Speaker 2: just my mom was more like, what the fuck was that?
Speaker 2: And I was like, that poor fucking guy, Yeah, you
Speaker 2: have compassion, didn't have a chance. And I doubt I'd
Speaker 2: have compassion as he was stabbing me in my eyes
Speaker 2: but pulling a king leir on my face. But I would,
Speaker 2: I would feel like I would find it eventually. I
Speaker 2: just it's just so sad. But anyway, I am feeling
Speaker 2: strong today, So I yeah, because I have that flashlight,
Speaker 2: he will be stabbing him this I blind him with
Speaker 2: my flashlight. Those flashlights are on our phones are fucking
Speaker 2: intense though, But that is such a good idea that
Speaker 2: I would never have thought of. Noah, did you just
Speaker 2: learn that? Have you always known that? Gay?
Speaker 1: No?
Speaker 3: I I had to learn it, Okay, I learned it
Speaker 3: a couple of years ago. When yeah, I mean, it's
Speaker 3: just like I don't really feel safe walking alone, and
Speaker 3: especially now that I'm not living in Brooklyn anymore and
Speaker 3: there's no one like on the street. There are no
Speaker 3: sidewalks where I live, so I have to like literally
Speaker 3: walk on the side of the road.
Speaker 2: Yes. So, and now that I'm walking with a baby,
Speaker 2: it's even a little.
Speaker 1: Bit even safer because you can throw the baby at the.
Speaker 3: Right just blinded by the cuteness, just launch the stroller
Speaker 3: for to distract them.
Speaker 1: But in uh, yeah, I heard that in like some
Speaker 1: countries where there's gypsies. I don't know if that's the
Speaker 1: right word, but it's not so where there's the uh
Speaker 1: but pushka is what are they? So? Are these folks
Speaker 1: that what are they called?
Speaker 2: What? What are you trying to say? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Something bad?
Speaker 2: Okay, So let's.
Speaker 1: If I'm already gonna do it. So you go to
Speaker 1: like you go to Spain or whatever the gypsies room.
Speaker 2: People like like people who are like grifters trying to
Speaker 2: steal them.
Speaker 1: And they're an ethnicity, aren't they They're like a sect.
Speaker 2: I'm not putting that on there. You might be, but okay, I.
Speaker 1: Know that they're not called gypsies, but we don't know
Speaker 1: the correct word. I heard stories that they'll in certain
Speaker 1: countries because they want to rob you. Yeah, they'll take
Speaker 1: a baby and they'll throw it at you. I've heard
Speaker 1: of that, and you'll have to catch the baby unless
Speaker 1: you're a monster and you just drop the baby. Then
Speaker 1: while you're like, oh my god, you're trying to catch the.
Speaker 2: Baby something through it.
Speaker 1: Is that a real thing?
Speaker 2: Anything someone throw at me? Yeah, like a need to
Speaker 2: be a baby, But that's a yeah, I've heard of that.
Speaker 2: And by the way, I get really uncomfortable when people
Speaker 2: say they got jipped. Mm hmmm, that feels I haven't
Speaker 2: had that in a long time. I heard it the
Speaker 2: other day, like on my friends like like broadcast show,
Speaker 2: like they said it. You could tell that they didn't
Speaker 2: know it wasn't something you should should not say anymore.
Speaker 2: And again I don't quite know why, but it's yeah,
Speaker 2: it's because Gypsies are an ethnicity and they're.
Speaker 1: No, we don't I think of saying gyps You could
Speaker 1: just say Jude Judah they judas.
Speaker 2: Of people know not to say. But yeah, I think
Speaker 2: there it's just people don't catch up to what's not
Speaker 2: right anymore. What is.
Speaker 1: Sometimes I hear words and I go, there's just no
Speaker 1: way that that's appropriate. There's no way. So I was
Speaker 1: listening to sometimes I listen in on my wife on
Speaker 1: her work calls and frequently on her workholls, she used
Speaker 1: the phrase let's get into the nitty gritty, and I
Speaker 1: was like, there's just no way that nitty. There's just
Speaker 1: no way that's an appropriate word. And I looked up
Speaker 1: nitty gritty.
Speaker 2: There's not appropriate.
Speaker 1: You're not going to belie the origin of nitty gritty.
Speaker 1: It's like word I don't even know, like it's say
Speaker 1: it on this podcast. It's so offensive and bad. Really,
Speaker 1: that's right. You can't say is you can't. No one
Speaker 1: knows the origin of nitty gritty is nitty gritty came
Speaker 1: from the filth left behind in slave ships coming across
Speaker 1: the ocean. That was the nitty gritty what that's right,
Speaker 1: It's it's like as bad as you as it sounds.
Speaker 2: I cannot believe that, and I cannot believe that you
Speaker 2: even knew that that there's something off about that, Like
Speaker 2: it doesn't. It sounds so innocuous to me. I can't
Speaker 2: be saying that anymore.
Speaker 1: That's what I told her. I was like, don't say
Speaker 1: nitty gritty and you're say something else. Let's get into
Speaker 1: the details. Let's you know, that's.
Speaker 2: Nuts and okay, so that's not one. I don't think
Speaker 2: I ever really say it, but that's okay. That's an
Speaker 2: interesting etymology. I was just reminded of something I said. Oh,
Speaker 2: there's a word that we used to talk about this
Speaker 2: on you up. There's a word that sounds like it
Speaker 2: combines every slur into one word, and it is It's
Speaker 2: a word you can can say and it's not the
Speaker 2: the word that sounds like the N word. By the way,
Speaker 2: I do not like that word. I know you can
Speaker 2: use that word and it means something else if you
Speaker 2: add a delee at the end of it. Do you
Speaker 2: know what I'm talking about? No, Okay, take the N word,
Speaker 2: and if you end delee at the end of it,
Speaker 2: it's a different okay, yeah, yeah, yeah that people sometimes
Speaker 2: use them, just like what are you doing? Like stop
Speaker 2: trying to sneak it in and I know you can
Speaker 2: get away with it. This is like no that that's
Speaker 2: not okay.
Speaker 1: It's even more offensive you if you add an oh
Speaker 1: to the end of delee.
Speaker 3: No.
Speaker 1: I heard people say it all the time, and I'm like,
Speaker 1: you got to stop, like this is appropriate? Do they?
Speaker 1: I mean not all the time. I guess I'm not
Speaker 1: like walking around listen people, but no.
Speaker 2: I hear I want to type it. I was to
Speaker 2: type it in like see the definition. I'm not even
Speaker 2: gonna do what they are still, come on, let's not.
Speaker 1: Well what about okay, okay, what even with it's a
Speaker 1: salad dressing. But it's a very basic salad dressing. It's
Speaker 1: oil end.
Speaker 2: I know. But I'm not going to say it because
Speaker 2: it's that's just that's.
Speaker 1: Just a condiment and that's appropriate either.
Speaker 2: But you do say it, you say it. Can I
Speaker 2: just say that I got some ooh boy, I had
Speaker 2: someone made some stationary for me. Didn't ask for it,
Speaker 2: didn't didn't need it. It was a gift I forget
Speaker 2: from who. I put it away forever. I just looked
Speaker 2: at it once and was like, Nope, can't send that
Speaker 2: to anyone because my initials are n RG. Okay, But
Speaker 2: when you do stationary, you put the last name in
Speaker 2: the middle, so it looks it just says n g
Speaker 2: R my stationary, okay, in the middle. That is what
Speaker 2: they do for a signet, a.
Speaker 1: Signet, Nikki, I think that the word I can't say sign.
Speaker 2: Yeah, monogram on monograms that you put that they So
Speaker 2: yours would be B F.
Speaker 1: T no, A no. It's the most common men's name
Speaker 1: you could think of. J no, no, you got C
Speaker 1: no no, very basic men's name.
Speaker 2: Well, I mean just let's not have to play this game.
Speaker 1: M Matt Matthew.
Speaker 2: Okay, So yours would be B F M if if
Speaker 2: you're you got stationary, the F would be big, the
Speaker 2: B and the M would be like kind of in
Speaker 2: the background flanking it. Do you agree with me?
Speaker 1: You know what?
Speaker 3: That's what station Yes, yes, I've seen that the middle
Speaker 3: initial get this so big.
Speaker 2: I had never witnessed my name.
Speaker 3: It's not little initial. It's the last name that gets big.
Speaker 2: Yeah. The last name is the front, big letter okay,
Speaker 2: and then the two other letters are flanking.
Speaker 1: It on the side.
Speaker 2: I see, okay, so glazer would be I'm Glazer and
Speaker 2: then Nicky Nicole renee on the sides. But NGR looks
Speaker 2: like something else. Yeah, and I'm guessing that you don't
Speaker 2: let you put that on your license plate because it's
Speaker 2: it looks so much. And sometimes you know when you
Speaker 2: go like, we sent this, we sent a confirmation email
Speaker 2: to the email given, and then it has your like email,
Speaker 2: but it does starstar star star star or like your name. Well,
Speaker 2: my email used to be my full name, and so
Speaker 2: it would say ni starstars stars stars stars starstarstar e R.
Speaker 2: I have the same thing, Nikki with my name God
Speaker 2: yours is Wow. That is crazy, yes, and so it
Speaker 2: makes me very uncomfortable. But that's stationary. I just showed
Speaker 2: it to Chris the other day. I just go look
Speaker 2: at this, and he goes, no fucking way, cause it's
Speaker 2: just so it's it's I'm almost keeping it like like
Speaker 2: just a relic of like, can you believe someone thought
Speaker 2: this was a good idea? I forget whom it was,
Speaker 2: something like you know, aunt who made it for me
Speaker 2: or something but it's unusable, completely unusable, and it was
Speaker 2: very sensitive. It's nice as like gold plated.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, yeah, well, I I my Chase account.
Speaker 1: I had they abbreviate stuff on the Chase account all
Speaker 1: the time, and I had a Subaru loan which I've
Speaker 1: paid off. But it said the way it abbreviated was
Speaker 1: I've put to some instagrams. Some people might have seen
Speaker 1: it Subaru A C dot dot dot dot dot U
Speaker 1: n T. So it just said you were a cunt
Speaker 1: SUPERU a cunt super That's what it said. Account account
Speaker 1: account like this probably happens a lot where it's the
Speaker 1: perfect amount of letters to get the A to get
Speaker 1: the C dot dot dot dot U n T like
Speaker 1: Chase needs to.
Speaker 2: Oh god, words are fun, but I was gonna say
Speaker 2: that sounds like all of the ones. Come mind, you're
Speaker 2: not even gonna believe this word, and you it is
Speaker 2: a word that you've heard, Okay, we probably talked about
Speaker 2: on the show. Okay, So if you're drinking water, so
Speaker 2: it's a hot summer day, go to the place where
Speaker 2: you attach the hose usually and you get some water
Speaker 2: from the Yeah.
Speaker 3: Oh yes, yes, yes, we've said it before.
Speaker 2: I just it's just too funny because Spigot, it's.
Speaker 1: A combination of every.
Speaker 2: It's also fits all.
Speaker 1: The name of the people who say slurs is in
Speaker 1: it Begot Yeah, it's a oh.
Speaker 2: I was thinking that that was something else, was representative
Speaker 2: of another slur, but yeah.
Speaker 1: No, well it all is. If you took every single
Speaker 1: slur and put it in a machine and created a
Speaker 1: slur homunculus, you'd get Spigott.
Speaker 2: My god, my god. We're gonna take a break. We'll
Speaker 2: come back with more show after this. So yeah, I'm
Speaker 2: feeling very strong today, which my co and then I
Speaker 2: had I had an interview about Anthony Jesselnick for Vulture.
Speaker 2: They're doing they're writing a piece on him, and so
Speaker 2: I was asked to contribute and I was watching a
Speaker 2: lot of his It was fun because I like got
Speaker 2: done with the class and then I was just getting
Speaker 2: ready for my day and I just put on Anthony
Speaker 2: Jeslinic YouTube and then it was just like playing it
Speaker 2: two times the speed. I was just trying to catch
Speaker 2: up with all the jokes. It was so fun. He's
Speaker 2: so good and I felt like it like made me
Speaker 2: a little bit like more savage in my thinking for
Speaker 2: the day because I just absorb whatever I'm listening to
Speaker 2: so much. And we got.
Speaker 1: Anthony Jesslnick's like latest. He's like a comedy sage now,
Speaker 1: like he has like the beard and he sits in
Speaker 1: calmly and interviews and says like wisdom instead of he's great.
Speaker 2: Yeah, he like, what have you learned?
Speaker 1: Oh? I don't remember any of it. But his general
Speaker 1: demeanor sad.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's like you you're hanging on his every word.
Speaker 2: He uses word economy. He's not trying too hard. Ever,
Speaker 2: his comedy never seemed sweaty, even if he is sweating literally,
Speaker 2: it just it's always seems Yeah. I just I really
Speaker 2: was reminded of how much I like his comedy. And
Speaker 2: but I said on the interview. We got on the
Speaker 2: call and I really didn't have time for this interview,
Speaker 2: but I was like, you know what, I should do
Speaker 2: it because he he would do it for me. And
Speaker 2: then I go, no, he wouldn't. He wouldn't. And that's
Speaker 2: why I love Anthony jessel Dick is that I love
Speaker 2: him enough to know that even though he's my friend,
Speaker 2: he probably would be like, no, I'm not going to
Speaker 2: do that, and he would say it's my face and
Speaker 2: he has good boundaries and and yeah, so but I do.
Speaker 2: I do tend to make decisions like about what I'm
Speaker 2: going to do for people. It's like, oh, would they
Speaker 2: do it for me? And and that one I was like, yeah,
Speaker 2: he'd do it for me, And then I thought after
Speaker 2: listening to his comedy, I was like, no, he wouldn't
Speaker 2: if he had my schedule, he would not do anything else. Today.
Speaker 2: Hey you Anthony.
Speaker 3: On the topic of stuff that you're doing, besties wanted
Speaker 3: to know, did you ever audition for that car commercial?
Speaker 1: Yes?
Speaker 2: Oh my god, oh thank you so much for asking. Okay,
Speaker 2: so I like forgot about it until I remembered it
Speaker 2: on the podcast, and then I forgot about it even
Speaker 2: more and then it was the day it was due.
Speaker 2: And then DMB Radio, who I do the voice of,
Speaker 2: asked me to send in a bunch of live like
Speaker 2: reads for like you know, you know, Dave All Weekend All,
Speaker 2: Dave Weekend Long or whatever those things are. And I
Speaker 2: didn't have any of my recording work equipment. I was
Speaker 2: in New York, and I go but I could come
Speaker 2: into serious and just record it in studio if you
Speaker 2: have the space. But what I was really thinking, was
Speaker 2: and then I'll do an audition from emotion And then
Speaker 2: they said yes, and I was like, by the way,
Speaker 2: can I also like do a quick audition while I'm
Speaker 2: there and they were happy to cut it. It took
Speaker 2: two seconds, and I'm happy to say I did not
Speaker 2: hear back because I don't have time in my life
Speaker 2: to become the voice of a luxury car brand. I'm
Speaker 2: sure they're still deciding, but I send it in a
Speaker 2: week and a half ago, and thanks for bringing it up,
Speaker 2: because now I'm reminded that I didn't get it. That's
Speaker 2: a funny thing about auditions, and I was just joking
Speaker 2: my sod. You don't know. You don't get things until
Speaker 2: they just air, Like no one ever tells you. No,
Speaker 2: like you don't find out even huge things you're up
Speaker 2: for you if it's like down to you and another person,
Speaker 2: no one wants to break bread bad news to you,
Speaker 2: So no one tells you, Like your agents might find
Speaker 2: out you didn't get it, but they don't. They don't
Speaker 2: tell you, And honestly, I don't want to fucking know.
Speaker 2: Most of the time, if I don't get something, I'd
Speaker 2: rather just like keep this hope alive until it just
Speaker 2: dies on its own. And by the time the thing airs,
Speaker 2: I don't even care. And by the way, I audition
Speaker 2: from Galopolis. That was a huge part of my life,
Speaker 2: and I'm so glad that that didn't happen. Not because
Speaker 2: it's like a megaflopolis or whatever. It's because I just like,
Speaker 2: it's not as big of a deal as I thought
Speaker 2: it would be. You know, you go like I would
Speaker 2: be in a Francis Ford Coppola movie, like my life
Speaker 2: would change. It wouldn't change at all. The person who
Speaker 2: got my role I haven't seen one thing about, Like
Speaker 2: I've read a lot about the movie that it was.
Speaker 2: The role wasn't that substantial. It's not because that person
Speaker 2: didn't do a great job. I'm sure they did amazingly,
Speaker 2: but it just was so important that fucking week of
Speaker 2: my life flew out there, like how did you like
Speaker 2: do hair and makeup for it? Went to spent you know,
Speaker 2: probably close to one thousand dollars on acting lessons for it,
Speaker 2: and then it doesn't happen. It felt like such like
Speaker 2: a letdown, and then the thing happens and you're just
Speaker 2: like no one even cared, and no one liked it
Speaker 2: even if I would have been in it. Nothing it
Speaker 2: just then no one cares about anything anymore.
Speaker 1: Nothing moved the knee. We have no culture. That's the problem.
Speaker 1: We have zero culture. We're just siloed in these little
Speaker 1: buckets and we all have our we all watch one
Speaker 1: there's too much culture. Well, we all watch a show
Speaker 1: for five people, and it's you and your five people
Speaker 1: see it. And there's nothing unified about us other than
Speaker 1: our politics, I guess, which is horrifying.
Speaker 2: And football is unifying that is still being watched. And
Speaker 2: by the way, this weekend, I was at a Taylor
Speaker 2: Swift concert and I went to go to the bathroom,
Speaker 2: which I never do, but I did because I was
Speaker 2: in a suite and it was like I had the
Speaker 2: room to do it. And so I went to the
Speaker 2: bathroom and I was coming back and I saw an
Speaker 2: amazing play by Patrick Mahomes that I witnessed it live.
Speaker 2: Like I was like, what the fuck? Oh my god, whoa?
Speaker 2: Holy shit? He keeps going, oh, whoa what b And
Speaker 2: I was alone at the TV going like, oh my god,
Speaker 2: what bah? And I was looking around for any man
Speaker 2: to confirm that it was amazing. What I just saw
Speaker 2: because I didn't really like I'm still on that stage
Speaker 2: of like not knowing if what I think is cool
Speaker 2: is actually cool, because sometimes I'm really very off about it.
Speaker 2: And so I was looking around for any man. There
Speaker 2: was no men around. It was in this like big
Speaker 2: lounge area with all this food, and it was an
Speaker 2: amazing setup. We had like a box suite. Thank you
Speaker 2: so much to the owner of the Miami Dolphins, Tom
Speaker 2: garfing Goal, for hooking me up and my friends for
Speaker 2: two nights of Taylor Swift shows in your box suite
Speaker 2: with this amazing like It's called the Nine at the
Speaker 2: Miami Dolphins Stadium, and it's this private place that you
Speaker 2: get to go to and they have a cafeteria of
Speaker 2: like gourmet food with different stations every kind of food
Speaker 2: you could ever want, done in the most beautiful way,
Speaker 2: with like garnishes of like flowers. You know, when there's
Speaker 2: flowers on your food, it is high end. Like I
Speaker 2: it was Miami's finest in the people that worked there
Speaker 2: were so proud of their jobs, like waiting on you,
Speaker 2: like honestly, this woman that was waiting on us, shout
Speaker 2: out to Kim. I believe her name is coming to
Speaker 2: my show in Fort Lauderdale next week. She was like,
Speaker 2: she got me a tampon. I felt so bad asking
Speaker 2: she wanted to put it in for me. I mean,
Speaker 2: this woman was so helpful. She couldn't stop helping us.
Speaker 2: She was like disappointed that she couldn't do more, like
Speaker 2: she was amazing. Anyway, I see this play and I'm like,
Speaker 2: oh my god, and then I go, am I watching
Speaker 2: a highlight reel because this was just too good Like that.
Speaker 2: I just happened to look at the screen for a
Speaker 2: second when Patrick Mahomes was doing this amazing thing, and
Speaker 2: then I thought nothing of it. I just went back
Speaker 2: to the show and had a great time, and then
Speaker 2: got home and it's all over my Instagram as like
Speaker 2: the best moment. Did you see it? Do you know
Speaker 2: what I'm talking about? Brian?
Speaker 1: Yeah, he scrambled around and then through a touchdown pass.
Speaker 1: Was it that?
Speaker 2: No, he didn't throw, he just he scrambled so far.
Speaker 1: Okay, I mean I probably saw it. I didn't. It's
Speaker 1: sticking out.
Speaker 2: I felt really good. I got home and then I
Speaker 2: sent it to Chris and I go, is this impressive?
Speaker 2: Is this like something that I should have been like? Yeah, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 2: like I when I have moments where I feel like
Speaker 2: I understand the sports, you guys get it, Like, I'm
Speaker 2: so happy, I feel like I'm in a foreign country
Speaker 2: and I just like got I for the first time
Speaker 2: went around and talked to the language and didn't need
Speaker 2: to look in my little dictionary or whatever. It feels
Speaker 2: so good to know when something's cool. So that was
Speaker 2: a great moment for me this weekend, among many others. Yeah,
Speaker 2: talk about the weekend because I was in Florida all weekend.
Speaker 2: Started off Friday night Taylor Swift concert, private suite, so nice,
Speaker 2: so accommodating. Who'd you go with? I went with Emily
Speaker 2: gen z M and I went with Nora Haddi, who
Speaker 2: did the deep dives that we did on the Torture
Speaker 2: Poets for the podcast. I flew her in from Toronto
Speaker 2: because she had not Toronto. I mean, you don't say
Speaker 2: that extra tea. She had not ever been to an
Speaker 2: eras show, and I was like, we gotta remedy that.
Speaker 2: And then I also Chris was supposed to go, but
Speaker 2: he had to work and couldn't get out of work,
Speaker 2: and so I was like, oh, I invited my mom.
Speaker 2: She turned it down. She's like, it's too much. I
Speaker 2: can't do it. It's too much. So then my sister
Speaker 2: also said it's too much. I can't make it work.
Speaker 2: And then she fucking rallied and made it work and
Speaker 2: my sister got to come out and we had the
Speaker 2: best time and it was such a great show. Obviously,
Speaker 2: I think that was my eighteenth. And then and I
Speaker 2: also got to I'm really into Gracy Abrams now and
Speaker 2: she's opening for her on this last leg of shows,
Speaker 2: and so I got to see Gracie Abrams and like
Speaker 2: I got to scream sing her songs. So I got
Speaker 2: like two concerts and one of my two favorite artists
Speaker 2: right now of all time, which is just insane. And
Speaker 2: then and then Saturday drove up to or down I
Speaker 2: don't know the direction. Why would I pretend to, uh
Speaker 2: two and a half hours down the coast. I think
Speaker 2: maybe up to Vero Beach to go to Andrew Collins's wedding.
Speaker 2: And it went so well, it was so sweet, Like
Speaker 2: you know, you just kind of think that like with
Speaker 2: a friends like Andrew who's just like always about the joke,
Speaker 2: and it's like I've obviously been taking their relationship seriously
Speaker 2: for years now, there's no question that it's like just
Speaker 2: such a great thing for him in his life, and
Speaker 2: she's so amazing, But like, you know, everything's just a
Speaker 2: joke with him, Like not in a way that I'm
Speaker 2: dismissive of it. It's just like, you know, it's like
Speaker 2: there's not all a sentimentality around my feeling with Andrew.
Speaker 2: I thought. But man, was I a blubbering fucking mess
Speaker 2: right away? Like you cried right away like the music.
Speaker 2: I sat down. We were very late getting there because
Speaker 2: I underestimated how long it would take to get there.
Speaker 2: I instantly got ready. Was late. The recepsion was supposed
Speaker 2: to start at four forty five. I got there at
Speaker 2: like five ten, so I was late. But thank god
Speaker 2: they were running late too, perfect timing for everyone sat
Speaker 2: in the back row. The music started within seconds of
Speaker 2: me running down, and I was in no state to
Speaker 2: cry yet, by the way, Like I was just like, oh,
Speaker 2: I'm just getting ready for a wedding and like I'm
Speaker 2: excited and like ah whatever. But the second the music
Speaker 2: started playing and I see his mom like being wheeled,
Speaker 2: that she's in a wheelchair. That was not why I
Speaker 2: was crying. His mom could have been walking or running
Speaker 2: chair so much. Yeah, I was just like right away
Speaker 2: I did the same thing happened at Brian's wedding, like
Speaker 2: like overwhelmed with emotions that hit me like a like
Speaker 2: a tornado that hit Andrew's uh you know, first.
Speaker 1: Emotions came out like a spigot.
Speaker 2: Exactly like splashed, like just splashing tears down my face.
Speaker 2: Could not like I couldn't control it. It was just
Speaker 2: I don't even know what I honestly still can't really
Speaker 2: pinpoint what the feeling is because it I don't anticipate it,
Speaker 2: like I I think that some people are like, oh,
Speaker 2: weddings always get me. Oh, I can't watch these kind
Speaker 2: of commercials because they get me. I just like didn't.
Speaker 2: I'd never see it coming. And then I was crying
Speaker 2: the whole ceremony and then we get to it was
Speaker 2: just like beautiful they they did. How how did Andrew
Speaker 2: do on his vows? Well you didn't get to see
Speaker 2: them right, Well, no, the vows they did alone at
Speaker 2: each other before on the beach, like they did it
Speaker 2: like they wanted to do it alone and I have
Speaker 2: to have everyone here, which was the right move because
Speaker 2: they didn't have a PA system outside and it was
Speaker 2: so fucking windy that you couldn't hear anything. You could
Speaker 2: kind of just see what was happening. So they like
Speaker 2: exchanged the classic vows, but the vows that they gave
Speaker 2: each other. I guess Andrew forgot to vow anything. Like
Speaker 2: he just said how he felt about her and like
Speaker 2: it was really wet, like he shared some of it
Speaker 2: with me, and it was like I was like, oh,
Speaker 2: this is perfect. This is like exactly what any girl
Speaker 2: would want to hear. It's exactly what I would want
Speaker 2: to hear my future husband say to me. But he
Speaker 2: forgot I guess. The next day we were driving with
Speaker 2: him and Brenna and he was laughing about how he
Speaker 2: was like I kind of forgot to like vow things.
Speaker 2: Let's say what you're gonna do. I was like, oh yeah,
Speaker 2: like I didn't even I looked at like he he
Speaker 2: let me kind of proof read his speech before or
Speaker 2: his vows, and I didn't catch that either, So it
Speaker 2: was on both of us. Sorry, Brenno, I didn't. I
Speaker 2: forgot that part of it too, So I guess he
Speaker 2: can do anything he wants because he didn't vow anything.
Speaker 1: He's got free.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but I was. I credit your wedding so much, Brian,
Speaker 2: even though it was like so full of like funny,
Speaker 2: like I was crying and laughing, and like it's just
Speaker 2: so touching, like to just be so sincere and have
Speaker 2: no kind of like irony about it and to have
Speaker 2: just everyone's family. There's just so much love and like
Speaker 2: there's not even like an ounce of bad will in
Speaker 2: the room, Like there's there's few places where there's just
Speaker 2: no egos or anything. It's just like devoid of any
Speaker 2: cynicism for like one.
Speaker 3: Well, I don't I think some weddings have a lot
Speaker 3: of cynicism and opinions and drama going on in the
Speaker 3: bat true.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I guess sure.
Speaker 1: It depends on the family. I mean, yeah, there are
Speaker 1: some there's a lot of drama at some weddings, And
Speaker 1: it's a testament to Andrew and I guess to me
Speaker 1: that you surrounded yourself with loving people, whereas there might
Speaker 1: be sometimes you don't get to choose because of your family.
Speaker 1: But I think for Andrew too and for me, like
Speaker 1: we didn't have actually a lot of family come, so
Speaker 1: it's mostly just people we selected to come who I
Speaker 1: made a point of eliminating people from my life who
Speaker 1: would bring that drama. It's not worth it at all, or.
Speaker 2: Like make it anything about other than what it is,
Speaker 2: and just like celebrating love. I just saw Comedians clip
Speaker 2: this morning that was like I'm tired of weddings, Like
Speaker 2: if you guys are doing well, just like keep it
Speaker 2: to yourselves, like we don't need to like see it.
Speaker 2: And I thought that was kind of a good point,
Speaker 2: like don't waste everyone's time to be like, look how
Speaker 2: great we are, Like right, it's kind of it's a
Speaker 2: funny way to look at it, like we're weddings are
Speaker 2: just like letting everyone know, like we're awesome. And but
Speaker 2: I really like there's I really just love weddings. I
Speaker 2: think it's I think it's you know, much like I
Speaker 2: feel about football games. I didn't expect to love them
Speaker 2: as much as I do. I love weddings too. I
Speaker 2: just love them. And yeah, there was a part of
Speaker 2: it that made me feel like oh, and then the
Speaker 2: reception was like so sweet and all the speeches and
Speaker 2: were funny, and Andrew was just like so happy, Like
Speaker 2: it's just so cute to see someone like so happy
Speaker 2: and like so certain of what this is what they want,
Speaker 2: Like there's just it was just a celebration. It was
Speaker 2: just awesome to see him be the belle of the ball.
Speaker 2: I mean, obviously Brenna was. She looked stunning, like beyond studying.
Speaker 2: Like there's not even a word for it, Like I
Speaker 2: don't even understand what I was like looking at as cowperty.
Speaker 2: She looked and like glowy and just perfectly. She was
Speaker 2: so happy also or just and so happy. But yeah,
Speaker 2: it was just he was just so happy, and it
Speaker 2: was so nice to see my friend just like taking
Speaker 2: a huge step in their life that I was just
Speaker 2: so proud of him, which I was trying. Pride was
Speaker 2: supposed to be a feeling that I was supposed to
Speaker 2: be trying to eradicate because it means that like you
Speaker 2: are giving yourself a pat on the back for being
Speaker 2: like I'm like, I have a friend that's like making
Speaker 2: great decisions. I was grateful to have.
Speaker 1: Fusing thing because it's like you're supposed to feel proud
Speaker 1: like you have and there's like gay pride, but like
Speaker 1: it's also like sin.
Speaker 2: Gay pride just sounded like you were saying, like there's
Speaker 2: like kind of pride that's like not as cool. It's
Speaker 2: like gay gay pride, Like I forgot about the fun
Speaker 2: or not, you know, the whole.
Speaker 1: Yeah, there's gay pride, there's gay envy.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Well I I and then so on top of
Speaker 2: me feeling like so emotional about Andrew crying so much
Speaker 2: when he danced with his mom. She got out of
Speaker 2: the wheelchair and they danced. It was so sweet. His
Speaker 2: love healed her there, Brenna and his love heals her
Speaker 2: for just a moment and they danced. It was so cute.
Speaker 2: Cry cry cry. But we were done by like ten thirty.
Speaker 2: Like ten thirty, I think the reception was over, the
Speaker 2: songs had been played. Everyone was tired, and I went.
Speaker 2: I went, and I was so tired because I had
Speaker 2: tailors with the night before and had to drive there
Speaker 2: and everything. So I was like, this is perfect. No
Speaker 2: one's expecting me to go to an after party. This
Speaker 2: is great. And then I realized, oh my god, it's
Speaker 2: ten thirty. I'm on the East coast. Emil Jaquem is
Speaker 2: about to be on SNL. I have an hour to
Speaker 2: like get my pgs, eat more food than that. I
Speaker 2: than I ate at the wedding, because I ate at
Speaker 2: the wedding, but I just you know, just get my
Speaker 2: like I had so much food, like ready to like
Speaker 2: just fucking go to town on when I was finally
Speaker 2: like alone, you know how we do, And so I
Speaker 2: got so comfy and then watched SNL, which is my
Speaker 2: other time in my life that I felt so proud
Speaker 2: of a friend that I don't even know. I've never
Speaker 2: felt this like happy for friends before, like my friend's
Speaker 2: giving birth and my friends being on SNL, like career wise,
Speaker 2: I've never felt this happy for a friend before. Oh
Speaker 2: that I felt for a meal, which I've talked about,
Speaker 2: but it's on a weekend updates. I didn't tell anyone
Speaker 2: because he was scared of was gonna get cut. So
Speaker 2: I had been texting him being like, tell me what's
Speaker 2: going on this week because he's been very like open
Speaker 2: and fourth cut, like an available to be honest with you,
Speaker 2: like to text and talk about stuff. And this week
Speaker 2: I was crickets and I go, oh god, he must
Speaker 2: be really in it. But he said that he purposely
Speaker 2: didn't tell anyone. He didn't even tell his parents because
Speaker 2: I was texting with his parents being like, I can't
Speaker 2: believe he just killed so hard on his first desk piece,
Speaker 2: like his like his like debut to the industry in
Speaker 2: this massive way, on this amazing, you know, the best
Speaker 2: comedy stage possible, absolutely crushed and they were like, we
Speaker 2: didn't even know because he didn't tell us. And he
Speaker 2: said he didn't tell anyone because he was scared it
Speaker 2: was gonna get cut. But he killed it. And so
Speaker 2: I just had this like I was crying about a meal,
Speaker 2: I was crying about Andrew. I just had a day
Speaker 2: of just being so happy for my friends, which feels
Speaker 2: so And.
Speaker 3: Your friend had a baby also all on the same weekend,
Speaker 3: Oh my god.
Speaker 2: And then Sara Lene had a baby, which, by the way,
Speaker 2: everything Sara Lena does, she does like so many incredible things.
Speaker 2: But it's just so there's no pomp around any event,
Speaker 2: do you agree, I know, yes, I do agree. I've
Speaker 2: heard no offense, Kirsten. I know you're listening. I've heard
Speaker 2: more about you pumping in your fourth week of having
Speaker 2: a baby, Like there's been more pomp around that pump
Speaker 2: than there has been for her entire bath. Like I
Speaker 2: would say, both births, and that's not any that's not
Speaker 2: I like hearing about the pumping. I like like there
Speaker 2: should be a lot of like I'm telling my pregnant friends,
Speaker 2: are anyone who's going through pregnanc ory is just going
Speaker 2: through pregnancy, talk about it all the fuck you want.
Speaker 2: I am not one of those childless women who's like
Speaker 2: enough about the babies, like you should talk about it
Speaker 2: non stop. It's all I would be talking about. So
Speaker 2: I never begrudge you talking about it. But Sara Lene
Speaker 2: is just like, oh, girls, I just had a baby.
Speaker 2: I don't know, so what's going on with you? Talk
Speaker 2: about something else? I'm sorry, this is so boring. It's
Speaker 2: going on so long. We're like, wait, tell us any details.
Speaker 2: And she's like, I don't know, girls, it's just she
Speaker 2: was like, she's eight pounds nine ounces and she's healthy,
Speaker 2: and there was you know, it's four pushes. It took
Speaker 2: four pushes, And I don't know, girls, I'm talking too
Speaker 2: much about myself. Nikki, tell me about Taylor Swift and
Speaker 2: I'm like, I I cannot talk about Taylor Swift right
Speaker 2: now when you are have just given birth. It's not allowed.
Speaker 2: I'm not allowed to. This is insane. But she's just
Speaker 2: so like, tell me what you go? What are you
Speaker 2: wearing tonight? What's going on with the show, who's going
Speaker 2: with you? And like she is while she's in labor,
Speaker 2: she's asking these things. She's just so like flippant about
Speaker 2: the amazing things she does. I mean, it's it's truly incredible.
Speaker 2: But yeah, Sara Lena gave birth to her second baby
Speaker 2: and that happened on Thursday night, Friday Friday night, so
Speaker 2: it was like that was it was just and then
Speaker 2: you know, with Kirsten going through it, with you going
Speaker 2: through it, Noah, like it's been just a great And
Speaker 2: then Anya's album is coming out this Friday, Asteroid, which
Speaker 2: everyone needs to get and pre order now and just
Speaker 2: support her in every way. You can post stories about it,
Speaker 2: like add it to playlist on Spotify. All that helps
Speaker 2: so much. We love Anya so much and this album
Speaker 2: is like one of her best. I think it's her
Speaker 2: best album ever, That's what she's been saying. And I'm
Speaker 2: obsessed with almost I think like every track it's so
Speaker 2: fucking good. And I think you'll hear a lot of
Speaker 2: the same themes if you li in the podcast a lot,
Speaker 2: you obviously know Anya, but if you don't, you'll like
Speaker 2: hear things from girls Chat and just she's living in
Speaker 2: the same world we are, so I think you'll really
Speaker 2: enjoy the album, and so all of these exciting things
Speaker 2: are happening. I'm just gonna say it's kind of as
Speaker 2: someone who does a lot of big stuff and is
Speaker 2: often the one having friends be like, well, like, it
Speaker 2: was so fun to watch you, Like I like being
Speaker 2: on the other side of it almost, I think more.
Speaker 2: And I that makes me feel really good because when
Speaker 2: things start to go away for my career, I can
Speaker 2: still it's nice to know that, Like I can watch
Speaker 2: younger comics who I'm friends with like have the wins
Speaker 2: that I have and not feel like a jealousy, Like
Speaker 2: there was no jealousy about Emil's thing, even though I'm sorry.
Speaker 2: I if you would have asked me a year ago
Speaker 2: if your friend gets SNL and is like, even though
Speaker 2: I don't want to send oul in that way, like
Speaker 2: I don't want to. I'm not a cast about Like
Speaker 2: that's not what my calling is right now, I would
Speaker 2: have Probably I'll be a little bit jealous. They'll be
Speaker 2: a little part of me. That's just like, man, I like,
Speaker 2: cause it's just you can't help feelings of I know myself,
Speaker 2: but I'm so glad to have you right like, you
Speaker 2: don't take it to the next step, whereas some so
Speaker 2: called friends do, and you know, they just get like
Speaker 2: jealous and then you have to manage different personalities and stuff.
Speaker 3: I do.
Speaker 2: Here's the thing everyone I do. I do still suffer
Speaker 2: with massive, massive jealousy of my great friends. And here's
Speaker 2: the difference between me and other like I witness. My
Speaker 2: friends have friends in their life who have the same
Speaker 2: jealousy that I have in my heart over the winds
Speaker 2: in their life, and they're so sloppy and obvious with it.
Speaker 2: Tuck that shit in. Stop being so obvious that you're
Speaker 2: so jealous of your friend's life by a Okay, if
Speaker 2: you're a girl like me who gets jealous of everyone
Speaker 2: and compares themselves to everyone else, I'll admit it. It's
Speaker 2: a flaw. I don't like it about myself. If I
Speaker 2: could get rid of it and shed it like a
Speaker 2: skin like a lizard, I will. I can't. Don't be
Speaker 2: mad at me about it. Sometimes I'm jealous. But here's
Speaker 2: what I do. I don't do. I do the opposite.
Speaker 2: So if I'm jealous of someone, I just lean in
Speaker 2: and I celebrate that thing. I don't do the fucking
Speaker 2: shitty thing that so many of my girlfriends. I know. Ever,
Speaker 2: when my girlfriends come to me and say, blah blah blah,
Speaker 2: never complimented my You know, we just put an addition
Speaker 2: on the house and they came over and they stayed
Speaker 2: in it, and they didn't compliment it. She's fucking jealous.
Speaker 2: My friend just saw the baby for the first time
Speaker 2: and didn't and it was kind of like flipant about it.
Speaker 2: She's jealous. Stop being so sloppy with your jealousy. Ladies,
Speaker 2: Do the opposite, and no one will know you're jealous
Speaker 2: because it's such a bad look. It's not a good
Speaker 2: quality to have to be so envious. So when you
Speaker 2: act disinterested, when you act when you don't say to
Speaker 2: your friend, you look amazing when she's just lost a
Speaker 2: bunch of weight, even though you're jealous because you want
Speaker 2: to lose weight too and you haven't figured it out yet,
Speaker 2: or whatever's going on in your life. Say you look
Speaker 2: great to your friends. Say the opposite of the thing
Speaker 2: you're feeling, or say what you are feeling, you know,
Speaker 2: say like I you can even say I'm so jealous
Speaker 2: of you, right, now, like, just be honest, but don't
Speaker 2: do the don't do the thing where you act like
Speaker 2: you like when I first when I met John Mayer
Speaker 2: and was like, Hi, I'm Nikki, what's your name? Like,
Speaker 2: don't do that shit, don't act like you don't don't
Speaker 2: do the opposite because it stinks of we know what's
Speaker 2: going on? Do you know what I'm talking about? Like?
Speaker 1: Do you do?
Speaker 2: I encounter people all the time that are like my
Speaker 2: mom will tell me stories about like people who say
Speaker 2: things to her, and I'm like, it is so obvious
Speaker 2: she's jealous. There's just no other reason that generation. Yes, Oh,
Speaker 2: come on everyone. We can be jealous, we can be petty,
Speaker 2: we can be our sickest selves and so envious of
Speaker 2: others and and covet what other people have, but just
Speaker 2: hide it better.
Speaker 1: It's or dumk. It's kind of funny to be like,
Speaker 1: I'm so jealous of you. I want to take this
Speaker 1: from you. Yeah, I want you to not have it
Speaker 1: so I can have it. You don't deserve this, and
Speaker 1: I want to kill you, you know, except that.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm not. I haven't been there with it, but
Speaker 2: like I have, and I've talked about it. So much
Speaker 2: like when I feel threatened on Instagram by someone being
Speaker 2: funnier than me, and it's truly a funny clip, and
Speaker 2: I want it to go away because it's so funny
Speaker 2: and it makes me feel like you're not as funny.
Speaker 2: I gotta post it. I gotta fucking post it. You
Speaker 2: gotta go the opposite way to combat it because you
Speaker 2: don't want to be that person. That's like nakes others
Speaker 2: feel worse because you feel threatened by how great they
Speaker 2: luck or whatever. Like kid, even though I've done that
Speaker 2: a million times.
Speaker 1: Positive energy, not to surround yourself with negative energy, then
Speaker 1: you will produce negative things.
Speaker 3: And also I was talking more about like a cohesive
Speaker 3: group of friends like our girls chat. We're always so
Speaker 3: supportive of each other. There's never any envy or jealousy
Speaker 3: in that. I'm gonna talk about it.
Speaker 2: I feel envy for all of you. At times, I
Speaker 2: felt it for each single one of you. I will
Speaker 2: admit it. I felt gross envy. That's been like I
Speaker 2: wish this wasn't happening for her because I want it,
Speaker 2: like it threatens my bottom line, Like like I'm talking
Speaker 2: about a base level not that I would really take
Speaker 2: like organized to take it from you, or if a
Speaker 2: genie showed up and was like, well you can take
Speaker 2: this from Noah, I wouldn't say yes, do that. But
Speaker 2: there's this, you know, the inkling feeling of like, of course,
Speaker 2: like that jealousy. I felt it, but I wouldn't.
Speaker 1: I wouldn't.
Speaker 2: But but with girls said, I will say, when I
Speaker 2: feel jealousy, it doesn't last long at all, and like's
Speaker 2: a fleeting passage and shit goes away so much faster.
Speaker 2: But there are times that I do struggle with it still.
Speaker 2: But I'm just like clean, just I just expect more
Speaker 2: from I just want other because because my friends take
Speaker 2: it so personally and they're like, she like didn't say
Speaker 2: anything about my baby, And it's like, because there's only
Speaker 2: one of two options. Either she didn't notice you had
Speaker 2: a new baby, or she's jealous, And I don't think
Speaker 2: it's possible she didn't notice you had a new baby
Speaker 2: or a new car or a new house or a
Speaker 2: new haircut.
Speaker 1: Or maybe she just like feels like shit or something
Speaker 1: and has her own thing going on. Is nuts jealousy
Speaker 1: that doesn't happen. No, she just like generally feels like
Speaker 1: it and doesn't have the energy to make a big
Speaker 1: show out of how much she loves your baby.
Speaker 2: I don't know. Then don't go see the baby, you know, like,
Speaker 2: I think you got a rally for a friend who
Speaker 2: just had a baby and ask a lot about it.
Speaker 2: And also, don't like text your friend who you're jealous
Speaker 2: that just had a baby and they're maybe getting a
Speaker 2: lot of attention. Don't text them. Is it hell? Are
Speaker 2: you doing so bad? Is it so tiring because you
Speaker 2: want it to be You want her to answer yes
Speaker 2: so badly because you're jealous that it's not bad arm
Speaker 2: for her. We gotta go break. We'll be back after this.
Speaker 1: So yeah, So, speaking of babies, Yes, my brother had
Speaker 1: a baby this weekend.
Speaker 2: Also, oh my god, wait, gradua the first time being
Speaker 2: an uncle?
Speaker 1: Right, No, I'm double uncle. He's got two daughters now,
Speaker 1: oh my god, congratulations for another kid. What's your brother's
Speaker 1: name again, Adam Adam baby congrat Yeah, he looks like
Speaker 1: Bob Saggatt.
Speaker 2: He does. He was so comforting to see him.
Speaker 1: He's a very comforting guy too. He's a lot like
Speaker 1: Bob Saggott and I love him.
Speaker 2: I loved hanging with him after your wedding. So what's
Speaker 2: the baby's name?
Speaker 1: It's not public yet, so I don't want to say, uh,
Speaker 1: got it. I don't even know if I'm supposed to
Speaker 1: know what the name is, honestly, but I was told
Speaker 1: surreptitiously via text by someone.
Speaker 2: Okay, yeah, why isn't it public yet? Is this?
Speaker 1: I don't know. I don't know. Maybe I have no idea.
Speaker 1: No one's told me. He didn't tell me the name
Speaker 1: of the baby like you have normally when you have
Speaker 1: a baby, you get a text with a picture of
Speaker 1: a baby and it says welcome, you know, Jennifer as
Speaker 1: into the world. You know that. I didn't get that.
Speaker 1: I just got a picture of that baby, and it's.
Speaker 2: In the length. Yes, By the way, no one cares
Speaker 2: about the length of your baby. I've never once been like, oh, interesting,
Speaker 2: I don't even know what it's supposed to be. Wait,
Speaker 2: I can kind of guess, like, Okay, that seems underweight,
Speaker 2: that seems like whoa, she's definitely torn up from that.
Speaker 2: That's an interesting detail. But length, no one cares.
Speaker 1: Unless it's like really small, like one inch, then tell it.
Speaker 2: Can you tell us why length is important? Like why
Speaker 2: anyone even includes that? Like what's I get the weight?
Speaker 3: The weight gives you the length already kind of probably
Speaker 3: they include it because that's just the standard information the
Speaker 3: hospital gives. But like, no one but the parents, it's
Speaker 3: not important information to anyone but the parents, so that
Speaker 3: they can monitor the growth.
Speaker 2: Can I guess what the average baby length is? Like,
Speaker 2: I'm gonna like, I literally don't know, but I'm going
Speaker 2: to guess, Yeah, eighteen inches.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna say fourteen inches.
Speaker 3: Uh, average length for a full term newborn is nineteen
Speaker 3: to twenty inches.
Speaker 2: Okay, great, nailed it, So yours is a little not
Speaker 2: to term. But do you guys do that with when
Speaker 2: you calculate feet or like inches of something? Like I
Speaker 2: just was like, oh, this was a that was a
Speaker 2: good way to do it. And then I go, what's
Speaker 2: a piece of paper? Because a piece of paper is
Speaker 2: eleven and a half inches? Does everyone else.
Speaker 1: Ruler is twelve inches?
Speaker 2: But you don't encounter rulers as much as you encounter
Speaker 2: pieces of paper, wouldn't you say, like a piece of
Speaker 2: paper is like like a printer piece of paper. Yeah,
Speaker 2: everyone kind of knows.
Speaker 1: That, sure, sure, no, yeah, no, what you're saying makes sense.
Speaker 1: I just I've always used ruler.
Speaker 2: And then for inch inches underneath eleven, you just think
Speaker 2: of boyfriend's penis. That's what you do.
Speaker 1: That's what I think of.
Speaker 2: Yeah, right, and then you're then the wingspan. Your wingspan
Speaker 2: is usually your height and I know I'm five.
Speaker 1: Oh is that true?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 1: So when you do your arms out, that's how tall
Speaker 1: you are.
Speaker 2: I think it's you're an anomaly if it's different, But
Speaker 2: it's almost like exactly the same.
Speaker 1: Is that pretty long arms? Is? That is? I would
Speaker 1: like to measure my wingspan. Inten, you gotta do it.
Speaker 2: We got to do this. That'll be very interesting. So okay,
Speaker 2: so your uncle again, that's so exciting.
Speaker 1: Double uncle. I'm excited to be a double uncle. I'm
Speaker 1: excited for my other niece to get a little older
Speaker 1: so I can start having conversations with her.
Speaker 2: Oh it's so fun.
Speaker 1: Yeah. But yeah, I mean it's I'm just glad that
Speaker 1: there's this, that I have a sibling that's having kids.
Speaker 1: Takes the pressure off me. I want to be around
Speaker 1: kids in a very arm's length way. And this is
Speaker 1: I'm gonna go.
Speaker 2: Colly based on you. Three and a half feet yeah,
Speaker 2: three feet and an inch Yeah.
Speaker 1: It's four pieces of paper. I want to go like
Speaker 1: trick or treating next year on Halloween, Like I'm not
Speaker 1: gonna I think that stuff's fun. I want to take
Speaker 1: them to an apple orchard sometime. Oh, but I don't
Speaker 1: want to raise.
Speaker 2: Me the fun uncle. But you're an uncle. No, I'm
Speaker 2: just kidding. No, that's that's so sweet. No, I feel
Speaker 2: the same way. I'm so happy that my sister has kids.
Speaker 2: It really it's it's not about the pressure, because I
Speaker 2: don't think my parents would ever have put that on
Speaker 2: me because I just make so much money and give
Speaker 2: them free dinners. But I will say that just being around,
Speaker 2: getting to be around kids and having kids, like care
Speaker 2: about you. But I will say that, like how was
Speaker 2: at the you know, Andrew's wedding this weekend and I'm like,
Speaker 2: no one gives a fuck about the ant man, you know, like,
Speaker 2: no one aunts don't get no matter how cool of
Speaker 2: an aunt you are, it's not your special day. There's
Speaker 2: a part of me that was like I want a
Speaker 2: kid so that I can see them get married. Like
Speaker 2: that was like, uh, oh, I see why people have kids.
Speaker 2: It would be really nice to see them get married.
Speaker 2: But then I was thinking about like with climate change
Speaker 2: in like thirty years when my kid is in probably
Speaker 2: thirty five, they'd take after me and marry late. So
Speaker 2: like forty years from now, I don't know the venue
Speaker 2: space we're gonna be, like it's gonna be there's gonna
Speaker 2: be hurricanes no matter where we are. So I'm a
Speaker 2: little like I was just already freaking out.
Speaker 1: This is too much trouble traveling there.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna be eighty, I'm gonna be eight, and everyone's
Speaker 2: gonna cry when I get out the wheelchair. But I
Speaker 2: will say that there was a video taken of Emily
Speaker 2: took a video of me crying at the and and
Speaker 2: Ari Findling was crying. Also sounds like.
Speaker 1: Ari Findling is my uh, he's like my wife. When
Speaker 1: we're together, Ari and I are like an old married couple.
Speaker 2: Why why is that?
Speaker 1: I don't know? Ari just like gets he knows how
Speaker 1: to like needle me and then seven and I respond
Speaker 1: in tow.
Speaker 2: He's the only person that like I. Like, We'll be
Speaker 2: on the road together and someone will be like, will
Speaker 2: you get Nikky's backpack or whatever, and I'm like, no,
Speaker 2: I got it, and he goes, no, I'm not gonna
Speaker 2: I don't respect her, and like, I like love it
Speaker 2: and because I know he does, but like he will
Speaker 2: say really horrifying things to me, and and I really
Speaker 2: enjoy it. But he was crying. I was crying. Raina
Speaker 2: and Ashley from Girls Got E Podcasts, they were there,
Speaker 2: they were crying. So she films all of us crying,
Speaker 2: and I put on my Instagram, and my sisters told
Speaker 2: me that Forrest, who's three, wants to watch that video
Speaker 2: constantly of us all crying, and then it cuts to
Speaker 2: Andrew and it looks like we're crying at him dancing with
Speaker 2: his bride because it's just like just our a song
Speaker 2: playing and then us all crying, and then it cuts
Speaker 2: to him and he's dancing with his mom in a wheelchair,
Speaker 2: or it looks like he's dancing with like a very
Speaker 2: old bride. And but Forrest has become obsessed with this video,
Speaker 2: which is so cute when kids just gravitate towards something
Speaker 2: like that. But she said, I go, oh my god,
Speaker 2: this is so sweet, and she was like, guess you're
Speaker 2: I go, why do you think he likes it so much?
Speaker 2: She was like, guess, we'll just have to see when
Speaker 2: you get married, and I'm just like, wait, so I
Speaker 2: have to like, how are we gonna do this? So
Speaker 2: we need to invite Andrew's mom to my wedding. I
Speaker 2: have to get her out of the like how and
Speaker 2: then but it was it was really cute final thought. Yeah,
Speaker 2: weddings are amazing. I'm on board. Please invite me to
Speaker 2: them if I love you all cry so much it
Speaker 2: made me kind of want to get married, but also
Speaker 2: not because it's just, oh, that's what I was gonna
Speaker 2: say about Andrew. He was the star of the night.
Speaker 2: And I feel like, you know a lot of times
Speaker 2: when Andrew and I have hung out, like I'm having
Speaker 2: these big moments and he's always there to like celebrate
Speaker 2: me and be so excited, like, you know, in the
Speaker 2: same way like I get off stage at the roast
Speaker 2: and Brian, you and I hugged for the first time,
Speaker 2: like you're your guys who work on things with you
Speaker 2: are so fucking pumped for you when it's over, and
Speaker 2: you feel like I'm usually the groom and he was
Speaker 2: the fucking groom, you know, like he was the star
Speaker 2: of the night. And they were asking me the next
Speaker 2: day in the car, like did anyone bug you. And
Speaker 2: I was like, I didn't even didn't even occur to
Speaker 2: me that anyone would give a fuck like that. I
Speaker 2: was there. It really was. I was like, you guys
Speaker 2: were celebrities. Like when you walked in, we were all like, oh,
Speaker 2: oh my god, I think they're coming. Like it was
Speaker 2: like it was awesome for them both to like have
Speaker 2: that of like they were the biggest deal ever. And
Speaker 2: everyone was so swept up in how happy we were
Speaker 2: for them. It was awesome. It was awesome to see
Speaker 2: and yeah, I'm just I'm so happy for those two.
Speaker 2: And then the next night we went to Taylor Swift again,
Speaker 2: took them to Taylor Swift for Miami Night three of
Speaker 2: her show, and that's when we were in that fucking
Speaker 2: box again. Thank you Tom Garfinkel for for arranging that
Speaker 2: and being so generous with your private box. And I'm
Speaker 2: just so grateful to everyone who made this weekend happen.
Speaker 2: And obviously Taylor was just so extraordinary. And I also
Speaker 2: I gotta stay on Friday night, got to leave my
Speaker 2: box and go down to a seat in the crowd
Speaker 2: for one of for one of the eras, because I
Speaker 2: didn't want to bandon my friends all night and the
Speaker 2: box was awesome seats. But I had a friend from
Speaker 2: Saint Louis Amy Uh from Uh Carol House Furniture. Amy,
Speaker 2: Uh god, Oh my god. Why am I forgetting her
Speaker 2: last name? Amy Adam Amy Well Amy from Carrol Furniture.
Speaker 2: She runs like a pet.
Speaker 1: Is it her last name Carol House Furniture.
Speaker 2: No, it's not, it's something dubmin Amy Dubman from the
Speaker 2: Carroll House Furniture. She's been a stape by the way,
Speaker 2: her and her brother brook have been a staple in
Speaker 2: Saint Louis television. They are like you know the classic
Speaker 2: local ad that's like up. They're a furniture supplier warehouse
Speaker 2: like not warehouse, but like a furniture store. And they
Speaker 2: always have commercials where she will always say, uh, we're
Speaker 2: cutting prices because Brooks Brook is out of town. Her
Speaker 2: brother's out of town on a buying trip, so while
Speaker 2: he's gone, don't tell him, but more slashing prices. So fun,
Speaker 2: so fun, so adorable. I grew up watching these ads.
Speaker 2: Come to find out they are like major players in
Speaker 2: like pet rescue, and they have a spae clinic that
Speaker 2: they do free spaying for for stray animals. They're amazing
Speaker 2: and I did a charity show for them. I love them. Anyway,
Speaker 2: Amy had tickets to Miami. She had three tickets, and
Speaker 2: I guess she had a drop for her third and
Speaker 2: she got my number through Chris and she was like, yeah,
Speaker 2: tell Nikkis she can come down. And I went down
Speaker 2: for Tortured Poets Era, which is the newest one and
Speaker 2: the one that I am so enthusiastic about. And I
Speaker 2: got to watch it like fifth Row, section A two
Speaker 2: if you want to look it up, swifties, and I
Speaker 2: you know how I feel about the Bridge to the
Speaker 2: Smallest Man who Ever lived, Like where she's stomping across
Speaker 2: the ground and she's marching and she's going to battle.
Speaker 2: I can't tell you what it was like to see
Speaker 2: that up close. It was so emotional. I cried again.
Speaker 2: And I don't usually cry it to some shows. I'm
Speaker 2: usually just so swept up and having fun, Like I
Speaker 2: don't get like that kind of emotional. But I was like,
Speaker 2: and I was trying to film it, and so she's
Speaker 2: going she's like and uh, for you know, right before
Speaker 2: she goes, she's like for spark uh, And I just
Speaker 2: what is the line? Can someone give a message to
Speaker 2: the smallest man who ever lived? And she's going to
Speaker 2: her spot right to start the march, and then she turns,
Speaker 2: she goes where you sent by someone? And so but
Speaker 2: she goes and I don't miss we do, and she's
Speaker 2: singing that part and she's walking up and I'm filming it,
Speaker 2: and I have footage of me filming it, and I go,
Speaker 2: I'm really conflicted right now. I don't know whether to
Speaker 2: film it or to live it. I don't know what
Speaker 2: to do because if I film it, I can't live
Speaker 2: it because I have to. I'm getting this footage for sostis.
Speaker 2: It needs to be perfectly centered, and I have to
Speaker 2: watch the phone like I have a million times on
Speaker 2: TikTok of this exact thing. And I go, I don't
Speaker 2: know what to do. And she's like a message to
Speaker 2: the smallest man whoever lived, and I go, I'm gonna
Speaker 2: live it, and then it just cuts off. And then
Speaker 2: I was like send by someone, And I fucking lived
Speaker 2: it so hard, and I would just implore anyone who
Speaker 2: goes to concerts to put down your phone and like
Speaker 2: fucking live it because it was so fun. And then
Speaker 2: after torture, Poets. I just said, by Amy, thank you
Speaker 2: so much. But before I left, I said what I
Speaker 2: thought might be one of my favorite lines of my
Speaker 2: entire life. And I turned to Amy right like it
Speaker 2: was in transition from like down bad to whatever. There
Speaker 2: was some moment where it was kind of like Taylor
Speaker 2: was obscured and we were all kind of like talking
Speaker 2: and collect and it was, oh, it was after but Daddy,
Speaker 2: I love him. And I was like, I had like
Speaker 2: an orgasm of emotions for but Daddy, I love him.
Speaker 2: It was the start of Torture Poets. And I just
Speaker 2: got into the seats right in time, and she comes
Speaker 2: out She's like, you know, I forget what the line is.
Speaker 2: I was there when the West was won, and I
Speaker 2: like got there right in time, and I'm like, I'm here.
Speaker 2: Oh my god. It was like perfect. And then I
Speaker 2: sing the whole thing and then she finishes it, and
Speaker 2: then I turned to Amy and I just go, I
Speaker 2: am so glad Brooke is on a buying trip. So
Speaker 2: happy with the line. I like texted Chris as soon
Speaker 2: as I thought of it, But it was it was
Speaker 2: such a good weekend. I'm exhausted from it. And there's
Speaker 2: a little bit of guilt of being exhausted from not working.
Speaker 2: Really yeah, like you didn't do anything wise because you
Speaker 2: went to Utah.
Speaker 1: Right, I went to Utah this weekend and I am exhausted.
Speaker 2: We gotta get We'll talk about that on tomorrow's podcast.
Speaker 2: I honestly can't wait to hear about it because I'm
Speaker 2: glad you commiserate because I'm struggling with like because usually
Speaker 2: if I've had an exhausting weekend of work, I feel
Speaker 2: like I can like muster sympathy from people and it
Speaker 2: helps me get through my week of work. And this
Speaker 2: one's just like, Oh, you went to a wedding and twice,
Speaker 2: but I am exhausted from it. But we'll have another
Speaker 2: podcast tomorrow. We'll see you then. Thank you for listening.
Speaker 2: Don't be good bye. The Nicki Glazer Podcast is a
Speaker 2: production by Will Ferrell's Big Money Players and iHeart Podcasts.
Speaker 2: Created and hosted by me Nicki Glazer, co hosted by
Speaker 2: Brian Frangie, Executive produced by Will Ferrell, Hans Sonny and
Speaker 2: Noah Avior. Edited it engineered by Lean and Loaf, video
Speaker 2: production Mark Canton, and music by Anya Marina. You can
Speaker 2: now watch full episodes of the Nicki Glazer Podcast on YouTube,
Speaker 2: follow at Nicki Glazer Pod and subscribe to our channel.
Speaker 2: The Nicki Glazer Podcast is a production by Will Ferrell's
Speaker 2: Big Money Player and iHeart Podcasts. Created and hosted by
Speaker 2: me Nicki Glazer, co hosted by Brian Frangie, Executive produced
Speaker 2: by Will Ferrell, Hans Sonny and Noah Avior edited it
Speaker 2: engineered by Lean and Loaf, video production Mark Canton and
Speaker 2: music by Anya Marina. You can now watch full episodes
Speaker 2: of the Nicki Glazer Podcast on YouTube, Follow at Nicki
Speaker 2: Glazer Pod and subscribe to our channel.