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Speaker 1: Brought to you by the reinvented two thousand twelve Camray.

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Speaker 1: It's ready. Are you welcome to stump Mom Never told you?

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Speaker 1: From house Stop works dot Com. Hello, and welcome to

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Speaker 1: the podcast. I'm Kristen and I'm Molly. Since we're talking

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Speaker 1: about dreams today, and by dreams, I do mean the

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Speaker 1: things that you think about in uh fantasy land when

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Speaker 1: you sleep, sleepytime, sleep time, sleepytime, movies as opposed to dreams,

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Speaker 1: hopes and goals, hopes, goals, aspirations, fulfilled and unfulfilled. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: we're talking about dreams, the night, the stuff going on

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Speaker 1: at night, the things Mr sand mem brings you. Yes,

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Speaker 1: and so mine. I were figuring out how we wanted

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Speaker 1: to start this off, and we we're gonna talk about

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Speaker 1: some recent dreams we had had, but then quickly remembered

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Speaker 1: that talking about your dreams is perhaps one of the

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Speaker 1: worst conversation topics you can choose, wouldn't you agree, Molly?

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Speaker 1: I do think that it's very hard to listen to

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Speaker 1: another person's dreams. I mean, our own dreams are endlessly

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Speaker 1: fascinating to us. Um And you know, I do feel

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Speaker 1: kind of bad because Kristin did ask me earlier today

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Speaker 1: what I dreamt about last night and getting ready for

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Speaker 1: this podcast, and I went off on a little tangentle

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Speaker 1: I was genuinely curious. But now note, remembering that people

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Speaker 1: just don't like hearing dream talk, I feel feel a

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Speaker 1: little ashamed. Yeah, maybe you could write about it on

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Speaker 1: on Facebook, share it there. That'll be the quickest way

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Speaker 1: to get you too, to unfriend me. I bet, yeah,

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Speaker 1: that's true. So instead of talking about our own dreams,

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Speaker 1: why don't we talk about other people's dreams, Because the

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Speaker 1: question of whether men and women dream differently in a nutshell,

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Speaker 1: we can say yes, yes, and it's it's pretty interesting.

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Speaker 1: There have been a lot of surveys and studies in

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Speaker 1: which researchers hand out dream journals and tell the men

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Speaker 1: and women to go out into the world and dream

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Speaker 1: and bring back what they dream about. And based on

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Speaker 1: all these studies, you can draw very clear lines between

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Speaker 1: stereotypically male dreams and female dreams. Three main dream themes

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Speaker 1: that come up a lot more often for men than

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Speaker 1: women are things like finding money, killing someone, and having sex. Yes.

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Speaker 1: I think if you can um put male dreams into

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Speaker 1: a nutshell at sex and violence, yeah, then yeah, I

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Speaker 1: want to kill kill someone and then go have sex

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Speaker 1: someone but they don't know and uh, and be wildly

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Speaker 1: rich while doing all of this, whereas women have a

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Speaker 1: lot more stressful dreams. We dream about things like losing

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Speaker 1: our teeth, going to school and having to take a test,

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Speaker 1: and also wardrobe malfunctions and our loved ones and you know, aggression.

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Speaker 1: We just talked about how men's dreams are so violent

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Speaker 1: and there's usually you know, a physical punch, and if

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Speaker 1: women dream about aggression, it's more like a bully and

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Speaker 1: someone saying something to them. It's all verbal aggression and

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Speaker 1: uh and words that hurt. Yeah. So of course that

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Speaker 1: sounds like a giant gender stereotype taking place in our

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Speaker 1: nocturnal psyches, where women are emotional and and stressing over

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Speaker 1: human relationships and how they're presented to the world and

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Speaker 1: what they're wearing. Whereas men are just driven to kill

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Speaker 1: and have sex. Well, that's what we've got to get into, Christen,

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Speaker 1: the question of why do we dream? And there are

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Speaker 1: a few theories we can throw out. Some people think

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Speaker 1: that we solve problems in our dreams. So if if

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Speaker 1: men and women are in front on a daily basis

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Speaker 1: with these types of problems, then that would make sense

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Speaker 1: that that's what we go home and dream about. And

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Speaker 1: another theory is that we practice for life in our dreams. Um,

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Speaker 1: so you know, maybe we work out these problems in

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Speaker 1: our dreams so the next day when we're confronted with them,

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Speaker 1: we know how to deal. For example, you always have

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Speaker 1: that dream where you're studying for a test. Maybe you

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Speaker 1: do have something coming up in the workplace, for example

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Speaker 1: that's equivalent to that, and you work out the stress

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Speaker 1: in your dream and you're ready for it in real life. Well,

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Speaker 1: speaking of the workplace, that's one dream theme that might

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Speaker 1: lend some credence to the the idea that dreams reflect

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Speaker 1: issues that are going on in your personal life. For instance,

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Speaker 1: there was a study from the University of Ottawa that

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Speaker 1: analyzed the dreams of nine adults, so that's a pretty

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Speaker 1: small study sample, but women showed a huge increase in

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Speaker 1: dreaming about the workplace and issues related to the workplace

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Speaker 1: and finances and things like that. And their idea was

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Speaker 1: that since women are have over the past fifty years

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Speaker 1: really gotten out of the home and gotten more on

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Speaker 1: par with men in terms of the working world and

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Speaker 1: all that, that they are naturally dreaming about those kind

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Speaker 1: of issues even more. And there's also been a closing

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Speaker 1: of the gender gap in terms of our sexy dreams,

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Speaker 1: because there was a study on typical dreams in terms

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Speaker 1: of those themes that pop up a lot across cultures

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Speaker 1: and that are shared across genders, such as dreams about falling,

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Speaker 1: or going to school, or being chased, and six comes

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Speaker 1: up a lot, because both men and women do have

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Speaker 1: sex dreams at some point. But back in the day

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Speaker 1: when they first started looking at this, in uh the

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Speaker 1: nineteen fifties and sixties, men reported sex streams far more

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Speaker 1: often than women did. For instance, in nineteen fifty eight,

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Speaker 1: that gap was ninety two point five percent for men

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Speaker 1: and only thirty six point two percent for women. But

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Speaker 1: then when they went back in two thousand three and

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Speaker 1: looked at the frequency of in versus women reporting sex streams,

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Speaker 1: it closed to of men and of women. But that

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Speaker 1: might not necessarily mean that women are dreaming about sex more.

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Speaker 1: But we might just be more comfortable saying to some researcher,

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Speaker 1: we don't know, yeah, I dreamed about having an intimate

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Speaker 1: moment with a certain person. Or conversely, the men may

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Speaker 1: feel less comfortable saying I had all this anonymous sex

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Speaker 1: in my dreams, um, and maybe they're reporting it less now.

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Speaker 1: The sex dreams still do have a divide in that

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Speaker 1: men are more likely to dream about women they don't know,

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Speaker 1: men or women that they don't know. They're multiple and

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Speaker 1: multiple partners at the same time. In their sex dreams.

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Speaker 1: The men rarely have to make the first move. The

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Speaker 1: women just sort of drape themselves on on the on them.

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Speaker 1: But women are more likely to see a current or

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Speaker 1: former partner in their sex stream about their sex dreams,

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Speaker 1: and they're more likely to be romantic. In fact, some

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Speaker 1: of the sex dreams that they have each start with

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Speaker 1: a really long walk where you hold hands, you make out.

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Speaker 1: Women only get to like first or second base in

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Speaker 1: their sex dreams, whereas men are just going all the

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Speaker 1: way around the basis multiple times. So there are more

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Speaker 1: patterns of seduction and for play in women's dreams compared

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Speaker 1: to men who just have anonymous women approached them and

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Speaker 1: they just get right down to business they do. That's

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Speaker 1: another gender divide, But I do think it's interesting to

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Speaker 1: see that that gender gap clothes in terms of reporting

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Speaker 1: of sex dreams. Now, one other thing I found really

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Speaker 1: interesting about dream breakdowns is that women have more nightmares

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Speaker 1: than men. You know, we were talking about how men's

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Speaker 1: dreams are sex and violence, and personally, if I had

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Speaker 1: really violent dreams all the time, I would consider that

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Speaker 1: a nightmare. But the men wake up very much unaffected

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Speaker 1: by chasing people and killing them. But women, when they

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Speaker 1: have these dreams um not necessarily violent dreams, but any

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Speaker 1: dreams with negative emotion, it affects them far more often.

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Speaker 1: In one study where they ask the women what they're

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Speaker 1: most memorable dream was, it was it tended to be

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Speaker 1: a nightmare. It tended to be something awful. So women

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Speaker 1: are having more nightmares, and the nightmares are more significant

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Speaker 1: to them than men. And it might be because some

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Speaker 1: studies indicate that women are slightly better than men at

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Speaker 1: remembering their dreams, so maybe it's just a little more

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Speaker 1: those those nightmares become a little more ingrained in our brain,

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Speaker 1: so in the morning we're we're actually thinking about it.

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Speaker 1: It's a little bit more potent. And there were three

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Speaker 1: major categories of nightmares that women have, which would be

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Speaker 1: fearful dreams, confused dreams, and dreams of losing a loved one,

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Speaker 1: and a lot of times it seemed like when women

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Speaker 1: would talk about these dreams there would be more negative

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Speaker 1: emotion than when men might talk about murdering somebody. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: and you know something I did not reading all of

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Speaker 1: these articles, Christen, is that you know, it does sort

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Speaker 1: of tend to fall down into these gender stereotypes of

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Speaker 1: women are more emotional, men are more violent, um and

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Speaker 1: and whenever the researchers would present these conclusions, there was

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Speaker 1: always an opposing researcher ready to pipe up and say,

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Speaker 1: this is interesting, but let's not take it too seriously,

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Speaker 1: because we don't want sleep to become this really gender topic.

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Speaker 1: We don't know yet if this has any implications for

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Speaker 1: treating dream patterns or changing dream patterns, And so it

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Speaker 1: was really interesting that despite the fact that sometimes these

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Speaker 1: survey samples are really small, they're kind of scattered, but

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Speaker 1: they do have really consistent conclusions that people are still like,

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Speaker 1: let's wait, but I do think we have to take

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Speaker 1: these differences, these gender differences and dreaming with a grain

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Speaker 1: of salt, because when you consider the entire dreamscape, men

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Speaker 1: and women do cross a lot of the same territory.

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Speaker 1: We tend to have the same numbers of dreams and

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Speaker 1: a lot of overlapping themes. Like I mentioned earlier, and

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Speaker 1: there was a study in the Journal of Psychology G

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Speaker 1: that came out of Germany that looked at fifty five

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Speaker 1: different dream themes such as oh here a few, being

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Speaker 1: unable to find or embarrass about using a toilet, uh,

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Speaker 1: your teeth, falling out insects or spiders being physically attacked.

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Speaker 1: And with all of these themes both men and women,

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Speaker 1: it had popped up in both men and women's dreams.

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Speaker 1: And there were many, many, many of the of the

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Speaker 1: fifty five such as falling, arriving too late, um, flying

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Speaker 1: in the air, where men and women dreamed about these

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Speaker 1: types of things roughly the same amount, but some notable

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Speaker 1: differences would be like the finding money or killing someone.

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Speaker 1: And this, Molly, what I thought was the most interesting

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Speaker 1: difference that stood out to me. Women tended to dream

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Speaker 1: far more than men about being a member of the

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Speaker 1: opposite sex. That is interesting. It was a pretty big,

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Speaker 1: pretty big gap. But like I said, overall, when you

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Speaker 1: look at this chart of fifty five the memes, they're

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Speaker 1: popping up in both of our brains, but um, you know,

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Speaker 1: maybe just not with the same frequency. Besides, who even

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Speaker 1: knows that our dreams I really our own? Are we dreaming? Now?

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Speaker 1: Is this a dream dream? So? Uh? You know, like

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Speaker 1: like she said, you gotta take it with a grain

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Speaker 1: of salt. It'll be interesting to see how this shakes out,

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Speaker 1: um in terms of fifty years, just thinking about how

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Speaker 1: women are dreaming more about the workplace and more about sex.

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Speaker 1: Maybe in twenty years will be having the violent killing

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Speaker 1: people dreams. Well, if you have noticed any market differences

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Speaker 1: between what you dream about and what someone from the

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Speaker 1: opposite sex dreams about, let us know if you are

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Speaker 1: a guy who constantly dreams about losing his teeth or

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Speaker 1: having wardrobe malfunctions, really want to hear from you or

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Speaker 1: women who are constantly finding piles and piles of money.

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Speaker 1: That would be fascinating because you, my friends are breaking

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Speaker 1: gender norms in the dream world, which if there is

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Speaker 1: any real world significance to that, I have no idea,

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Speaker 1: but it'd be nice to hear about. So email us

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Speaker 1: at Mom's stuff at how stuff works dot com. And

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Speaker 1: I have an email here if it's from Jennifer, and

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Speaker 1: it's about the child Free podcast. She writes, I'm a

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Speaker 1: thirty two year old teacher and have been married for

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Speaker 1: eight years. Neither of us ever wanted to become parents,

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Speaker 1: an issue we discussed before getting married. The only sticking

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Speaker 1: point for me from the podcast and subsequent listener mail

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Speaker 1: has been the assumption that child free couples decide not

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Speaker 1: to have children because they would not be good parents.

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Speaker 1: The fact is that my husband I would be excellent parents.

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Speaker 1: I care for my friend's children, and I enjoy doing it.

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Speaker 1: I even was one of the few people who would

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Speaker 1: agree to care for my friend's triplets, now five years old,

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Speaker 1: when they were infants. My husband and I are loving,

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Speaker 1: nurturing people and would provide a stable and fulfilling home

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Speaker 1: for any child. I can't speak for others, but I

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Speaker 1: know that me being child free wasn't a decision at all.

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Speaker 1: I never wanted children, so I just never made the

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Speaker 1: decision to become a parent. I think my lucky stars

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Speaker 1: every day through that through birth control, I am able

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Speaker 1: to be married and still prevent pregnancy. I know this

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Speaker 1: is a difficult issue issue to understand for people who

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Speaker 1: are parents. I just don't want anyone thinking that child

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Speaker 1: free couples are child free because they're mean, lazy, selfish,

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Speaker 1: or in any other way ill equipped to meet parents. Well.

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Speaker 1: I have an email here from Haley in response to

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Speaker 1: our recent podcast on librarians and Haley writes, when I

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Speaker 1: was in high school, I worked at my local library

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Speaker 1: as a page, and it was, without a doubt, the

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Speaker 1: best job I ever had. All the librarians I worked

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Speaker 1: with were inclined to our holiday themed vest and coordinating

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Speaker 1: ear rings. They were a super cool and subversive group

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Speaker 1: of ladies. Guess you can't judge a book by its cover.

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Speaker 1: They were, of course, incredibly well read and introduced me

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Speaker 1: to some pretty radical literature and ideas. Also, in reference

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Speaker 1: to the sexual harassment in libraries, I believe it. The

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Speaker 1: public library is a great open space for the community,

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Speaker 1: but it's warmth and amenities also attract a bit of

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Speaker 1: a seedier element. I was never harassed myself, but saw

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Speaker 1: my share of strange behavior and the leftovers of strange behavior.

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Speaker 1: Let's just say, some weird stuff goes on in library bathrooms.

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Speaker 1: Oh god, that's well again. If you want to send

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Speaker 1: us an email or address is mom stupit house stuff

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Speaker 1: works dot com. You can also hit us up on

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Speaker 1: Twitter and Facebook. We'd love to see you there and Finally,

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Speaker 1: we would also really enjoy it if you would read

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Speaker 1: the words that we read on a blog. It's stuff

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Speaker 1: Mom never told you at how stuff works dot com

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Speaker 1: for moralness and thousands of other topics. Is it how

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Speaker 1: stuff works dot com. To learn more about the podcast,

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Speaker 1: cook on the podcast icon in the upper right corner

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Speaker 1: of our homepage. The How Stuff Works iPhone app has

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Speaker 1: a ride. Download it today on iTunes, brought to you

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Speaker 1: by the reinvented two thousand twelve camera. It's ready, are

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Speaker 1: you