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Speaker 1: I wonder if it's ever happened to anyone eight five

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Speaker 1: five five one three five, and if it's different. Like again,

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Speaker 1: if I'm dating a woman or married to whatever, and

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Speaker 1: she comes to me and says, I think I like

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Speaker 1: women too and I want to include a woman in

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Speaker 1: a relationship, I feel like I might internalize that differently

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Speaker 1: than if she came to me and said I want

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Speaker 1: another guy, because the way that I would interpret that

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Speaker 1: is I'm not enough guy. You know what I mean,

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Speaker 1: Like you want another man in the relationship. That what

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Speaker 1: I might think to myself is, well, I guess I'm

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Speaker 1: not enough for you. You need more. But if you

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Speaker 1: came to me and said I want another woman, I'm

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Speaker 1: not a woman. I can't deliver that for you. And

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Speaker 1: if that's something you desire, I don't know that that

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Speaker 1: makes me feel less. Then it just makes me I'm

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Speaker 1: not saying it wouldn't intimidate me, but I think it

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Speaker 1: would also be like, Okay, that's something that you're you

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Speaker 1: know that you want that I can't deliver for you.

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Speaker 1: So that's to me maybe different. Maybe does that make sense.

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Speaker 2: I get what you're saying.

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Speaker 3: I don't agree because I only thing is I just

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Speaker 3: feel like, Okay, Like if my man was like, oh,

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Speaker 3: I want to be with a man or whatever, than

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Speaker 3: to me, it's like, then go like, I don't really

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Speaker 3: want to be part of the equation. Do you get

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Speaker 3: what I'm saying.

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Speaker 1: Maybe he's not saying he doesn't want.

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Speaker 3: To be with you too, of course, and I get that,

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Speaker 3: but I just feel like that's like a triangle I

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Speaker 3: don't want to really be involved in because obviously you

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Speaker 3: have feelings or you're trying to do something else outside

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Speaker 3: of this relationship man or woman.

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Speaker 2: You get what I'm saying.

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Speaker 3: That's where I see it, where it's like, Okay, you

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Speaker 3: know then I'm not it for you.

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Speaker 1: Well yeah, and maybe someone can. I don't mean to

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Speaker 1: be naive about this. I just I don't know because

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Speaker 1: I've never experienced it, but I think I would react.

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Speaker 1: I mean, I would be equally hurt. I think, of course,

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Speaker 1: because I'm invested in this person. But I think if

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Speaker 1: someone came to me and said, look, I actually turns

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Speaker 1: out like like Jason, I dated women and now I

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Speaker 1: realize I really want to be with men, and if

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Speaker 1: I'm with him at the time that he makes this discovery,

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Speaker 1: it's not that it wouldn't hurt my feelings, that I

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Speaker 1: wouldn't feel abandoned. But I guess I might feel differently

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Speaker 1: about that than if he came to me and said,

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Speaker 1: or if he came to this woman and I want

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Speaker 1: another woman.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean there would need to be a lot

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Speaker 4: of conversation because it seems like for her, in her

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Speaker 4: in Monique situation, like she's just been holding on to this,

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Speaker 4: like what she felt was like a deep secret for

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Speaker 4: so long and she just wanted to share with her

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Speaker 4: husband and involve him in that.

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Speaker 2: And I think she did, if I'm not mistaken, end.

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Speaker 4: Up saying that they decided to just keep it as

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Speaker 4: a fantasy and stay together.

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Speaker 2: But yeah, there would need to be more.

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Speaker 4: Discussions for me, like you know, how long have you

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Speaker 4: been holding this, like do you feel like you're gay?

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Speaker 4: Or we bought like there's a lot, there's a lot,

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Speaker 4: so we would have to unpack that.

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Speaker 1: I don't know, I've never had that happen fortunately.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean I don't know. I mean if a

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Speaker 2: woman told you it was by, like would it would

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Speaker 2: that be or she was by? Would that make you insecure?

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Speaker 1: I don't know if it would make me insecure, I

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Speaker 1: guess if I mean because everyone thinks like, oh wow,

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Speaker 1: oh you know every guy wants that has that fantasy

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Speaker 1: of you know, more than one woman whatever, But I

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Speaker 1: also have I can see a situation where like that

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Speaker 1: person pleases you more or is more effective than I am,

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Speaker 1: And I think that would make me sad if I'm

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Speaker 1: actively in a relation. I mean, look and trust me,

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Speaker 1: I know that I'm not. If you're in a relationship

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Speaker 1: up with someone, odds are you're There's there's a slim

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Speaker 1: chance that you're the best they've ever had, right, I mean,

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Speaker 1: but maybe they you're good and then they like you

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Speaker 1: for other re you fulfill them for the reasons and whatever.

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Speaker 1: But money, I think be a money. But I think

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Speaker 1: if I were like if I were in a relationship

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Speaker 1: and I was aware that there was someone else that

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Speaker 1: made my significant other happier in that regard, I would

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Speaker 1: feel I would feel bad about that. Inside, Yeah, I.

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Speaker 4: Was dating someone that like the conversation was happening, like

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Speaker 4: how would it work if there was like another woman,

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Speaker 4: Like what would happen? And I did ask that, I'm like,

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Speaker 4: are you gonna sit over there pissed? If like I

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Speaker 4: like something way more, you know.

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Speaker 2: And he was like, no, two women is beautiful, that's art,

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Speaker 2: you know.

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Speaker 4: And I'm like, oh, okay, whatever I've ever dated is like,

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Speaker 4: it's not cheating if you hook up with girls. I

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Speaker 4: don't care, So I don't. I mean, I've never dated

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Speaker 4: a guy that would care about that.

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Speaker 1: But it's a little early for this, and maybe it's

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Speaker 1: a tangent conversation, but let's just say, in my experience,

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Speaker 1: I found that like, it's not it doesn't wind up

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Speaker 1: being like it is in the moment.

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Speaker 2: I've never done it.

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Speaker 1: I would have to do it. It's not quite like that,

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Speaker 1: and for a lot of reasons, for a lot of reasons,

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Speaker 1: and not because of my insecurity or because I wasn't

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Speaker 1: you know, bringing Its just there's a lot of weird

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Speaker 1: it's a weird dynamic.

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Speaker 2: Can't say that. Yeah, Sticky has it.

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Speaker 5: I've never tried to. No, I would answer the question

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Speaker 5: just like Monique's husband. Yeah, yeah, me too.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, so band him came to you and I love you,

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Speaker 1: But I think I've been hiding my truth my whole life,

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Speaker 1: and I think I want to be with men. I'm

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Speaker 1: making this up, of course, are you as heard or

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Speaker 1: the same hurt less hurt than if he came to

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Speaker 1: you and said, I'd like to add another woman to

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Speaker 1: the mix.

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Speaker 5: Ooh, so then another woman would trigger me more. Yeah,

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Speaker 5: because it's not enough room for her over here. But

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Speaker 5: if you want another man, I would say me too,

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Speaker 5: like you go find your man. I'm gonna go find

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Speaker 5: my man and let's all live happy. Like I would

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Speaker 5: love that for him if he wanted to. You know

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Speaker 5: what I'm saying, Like, I want you to feel comfortable.

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Speaker 1: Do you really want to manage more than one man?

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Speaker 6: Like?

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Speaker 1: Do you really?

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Speaker 2: Do you really not her marrier?

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Speaker 1: You're saying you're gonna go ahead and get another man?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, as in I'm leaving.

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Speaker 1: Oh you're laughing. Good people talking about that. I can

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Speaker 1: hardly maintain one relationship. I don't need to be maintaining

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Speaker 1: more than one. I'm not Yeah.

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Speaker 5: I'm not good at that. I tried to be a

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Speaker 5: cheater once in my life and it just it didn't

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Speaker 5: work for me. Well, I don't have the attention span.

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Speaker 5: I don't have time. Is too much intense matters?

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Speaker 1: If you're unfulfilled or just curious and wanting to try

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Speaker 1: something new, Okay, these are texts being bisexual doesn't mean

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Speaker 1: that you have to fulfill both desires. Okay, fair? Why

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Speaker 1: is it more insist? Another text? Why is it more

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Speaker 1: acceptable for a woman to come out as by than

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Speaker 1: it is for a guy. I don't know that it is.

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Speaker 2: No one said that, literally, nobody said that.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't know that it is. In fact, I

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Speaker 1: think the analogies I've been using are both I think

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Speaker 1: I've gone both ways. Hello, Hey John, Hey, good morning, Hey,

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Speaker 1: good morning John. So you know the whole Monique story

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Speaker 1: this morning about she she sort of seems to have

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Speaker 1: said that she wants to be with a woman in

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Speaker 1: some ways, but she's married to a man. How do

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Speaker 1: you relate to that?

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Speaker 5: So?

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Speaker 7: Well, first of all, love you guys, love your show.

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Speaker 7: I am actually a bisexual male, and my wife was

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Speaker 7: aware of this prior to getting married and was completely

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Speaker 7: okay with that, and for about the first five or

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Speaker 7: six years just her and I and then you know,

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Speaker 7: it started kind of where I was like, hey, I'd

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Speaker 7: like to, you know, kind of do things with another male,

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Speaker 7: and I want you a part of that. I don't

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Speaker 7: want to go out and do something on my own.

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Speaker 7: I felt like that was one hundred percent cheating. I

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Speaker 7: wanted to be honest and wanted to I love her,

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Speaker 7: she stuffies me every way, and I just didn't want that.

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Speaker 7: Just something I wanted to explore with her. So we

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Speaker 7: talked about it for a little while, and we actually

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Speaker 7: did have something an occasion to where another male joined us,

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Speaker 7: and we've done it a couple of times. It's not

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Speaker 7: something that happens very often, but she seems to be

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Speaker 7: okay with that, and I think it's a little uncomfortable,

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Speaker 7: but I think she's she's willing to do that to

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Speaker 7: kind of make sure that I'm being happy as well. Again,

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Speaker 7: completely lawyers in every other way, She's my everything, But

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Speaker 7: it's just something that I want to explore every now

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Speaker 7: and then.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I love that you can be honest with her.

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Speaker 2: I love that. Yeah, and they're not honest.

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Speaker 1: I agree, I agree, And I guess that's what I'm

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Speaker 1: getting at, is like, is it is it more intimidating?

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Speaker 1: Is it less intimidating if it's same sex, is it

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Speaker 1: if it's different sex. I don't know, but it sounds

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Speaker 1: like you're, you know, you're making compromises or she's making

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Speaker 1: a compromise for you. Maybe, but thank you John, have

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Speaker 1: a great day, man, You do the same. Thanks, guys,

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Speaker 1: thank you for listening. Hey Kayla, good morning, Kayla. How

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Speaker 1: are you okay? Kayla? Okay, now be careful here with

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Speaker 1: you know we're using we got to use some somewhat

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Speaker 1: code word in terminology kind of. But what was your point?

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Speaker 1: What did you want to say?

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Speaker 8: My point for the whole situation with the threesome. I've

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Speaker 8: actually had a husband. I wanted that and I kept

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Speaker 8: telling him, like I kept sending him off, but I

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Speaker 8: wanted to say no. He actually messaged my friend asking

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Speaker 8: for a threesome and I was like no. But the

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Speaker 8: crazy part about it is I had her phone, her

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Speaker 8: her account on my.

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Speaker 1: Phone, so I have no so he didn't. This wasn't

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Speaker 1: discussed with you previously. So no, no, no, no, that's Shenanigan,

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Speaker 1: like he's up, he's up to It was.

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Speaker 8: It was, though, But the thing is is that what

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Speaker 8: happened in the relationship, I kind of did a little

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Speaker 8: bad thing because.

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Speaker 2: I was tired and over him.

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Speaker 9: But once he found out about that situation, he said,

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Speaker 9: all you had to do was just tell me and

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Speaker 9: we could have had this. All you had to do

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Speaker 9: is just ask me to have.

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Speaker 1: You know, an open Basically, he's saying you could have

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Speaker 1: asked for an open relationship because he's saying he wants

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Speaker 1: one with your friend.

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Speaker 5: Yeah he crazy girl, Send him back to the streets please.

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Speaker 8: Yeah, papers, everything was gone.

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Speaker 9: I had could not deal with him.

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Speaker 8: But then like years later, after I'm done with him,

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Speaker 8: I could have thought about, Hi'm like, let me have

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Speaker 8: let me have one of your friends.

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Speaker 1: Oh wow, right, do it.

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Speaker 2: Let's put the game onto.

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Speaker 1: If I'm dating somebody, you see hollows at my friends,

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Speaker 1: we got problems. I'm with you, we got props.

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Speaker 8: Yeah, yeah, for real, why would you?

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Speaker 2: Friend?

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Speaker 8: I was with a toilet at work when I thought this.

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Speaker 9: And I call my friend, I thank you, what is

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Speaker 9: going on.

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Speaker 2: Up right?

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Speaker 1: Thank you for all those details. I appreciate that that

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Speaker 1: really makes the story. I have a great day. Okay.

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Speaker 1: I'm still calling for tickets anytime you want, Kayla, and

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Speaker 1: you are welcome here all the time. Thank you. Hey, Sarah, Hello,

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Speaker 1: Hi Sarah, good morning, welcome. What do you want to say?

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Speaker 10: I am a bisexual woman, and I think that the

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Speaker 10: whole wanting to be with the opposite sex is a

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Speaker 10: big stereo type and a stigma with the lg BTQ community, Like,

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Speaker 10: I like monogamy. If I'm with a woman, I'm monogamous.

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Speaker 10: If I'm with a man, I'm monogamous. There's there's no

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Speaker 10: reason to go outside of the relationship just because you're bisexual.

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Speaker 1: I see what you're saying. So, like, there's the there's

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Speaker 1: the concept from those of us who are and or

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Speaker 1: don't know much about it, that you somehow need to

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Speaker 1: be fulfilled by both all the.

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Speaker 10: Time, right, and that is not true.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, now that's fair. I guess. Yeah, I guess

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Speaker 1: I've never really thought about it. I mean, I don't

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Speaker 1: assume that you're all like, because you're bisexual, you're ravenous

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Speaker 1: and you people do that. Yeah, I know, I believe that.

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Speaker 10: Yeah, we like and a lot of lesbian women do

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Speaker 10: not like to date bisexual women because they are scared

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Speaker 10: that they're gonna yes what a man can offer.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I think I would be intimidated by the connection

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Speaker 1: that women have with other women. I'm being really honest.

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Speaker 1: I know this makes me sound insecure, but I mean,

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Speaker 1: if I'm being honest, I guess I figure that you

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Speaker 1: guys connect in a way that I don't with you

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Speaker 1: but then again, you know, in this case, I don't.

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Speaker 1: I guess you don't have to have both. It could

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Speaker 1: be one or the other, and you're in love.

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Speaker 2: You're in love.

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Speaker 1: Love is love is love.

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Speaker 10: He loved emotionally, Yes, with a man.

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Speaker 1: That's what he was talking about in Hamilton, was bisexuality.

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Speaker 1: When he was like love, his love, his love, he's

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Speaker 1: talking about swapping into yah, Hamlet, that you should dissect

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Speaker 1: it a little further. That's what he was getting in Great. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: thank you, Sarah, have a good day.

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Speaker 5: Thank you, love you love you.

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Speaker 1: Yeah Hamilton is you know, I've never seen it, but

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Speaker 1: that's I'm just my interpretation, but that's what that's what

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Speaker 1: he was talking about. Ye never seen you know, musicals

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Speaker 1: make me uncomfortable. It makes me uncomfortable.

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Speaker 2: For dear Evan Hansen. The sad one.

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Speaker 1: I got drug to that and I just I didn't.

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Speaker 1: I didn't hate it. I got dragged. Is it drug

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Speaker 1: or dragged?

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Speaker 2: I don't know, but I thought you're gonna see you

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Speaker 2: got drugged. I was like, well that's not that.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I did, but it was good.

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Speaker 2: It was at Hamilton. I didn't know what was going on.

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Speaker 1: It was good, but I don't know the hold the

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Speaker 1: whole like and and they you don't like the best

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Speaker 1: of the best of the best, right it was Broadway.

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Speaker 1: They're really good, but like, I don't know. Sometimes it's

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Speaker 1: like overagh, It's everything so like overdone. I'm like, I

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Speaker 1: don't know. It makes me uncomfortable. Benfrett Platt, sorry Ben Plat, No,

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Speaker 1: everybody but him. He had just left. It was his

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Speaker 1: understudy one with Jordan Fisher.

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Speaker 2: But we don't know.

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Speaker 1: I don't know anyway, man, Hi, my sister wanted to

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Speaker 1: go and cry the whole time and it was whatever.

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Speaker 1: I don't know. For some reason she found that fun.

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Speaker 1: Hey Megan, Hi, Megan, good morning, Welcome. What do you

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Speaker 1: want to say?

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Speaker 7: So?

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Speaker 11: I listen to you guys every morning and love the show,

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Speaker 11: But a lot of your viewpoints are very monogamous, and

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Speaker 11: I come from a non monogamous world, and I just

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Speaker 11: would love to make it more known that non monogamy

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Speaker 11: is a very acceptable relationship format. It's worked better than

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Speaker 11: any monogamous relationship I have ever been, and we are

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Speaker 11: the healthiest couple. We have open communication of everything.

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Speaker 2: It's it works. I love that for you.

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Speaker 10: Now.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, we're just my monogamous, but we we totally.

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Speaker 1: Get Nobody in this room that I'm aware of it. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: has explored that really, So I think that's where we're

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Speaker 1: coming from. It's just our own personal perspective people, and the.

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Speaker 11: Way we come about it and we explain it is like, Okay,

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Speaker 11: you like your favorite food, so you like cake? Do

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Speaker 11: you want to eat that every day for the rest

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Speaker 11: of your life? And it's the only thing you ever

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Speaker 11: get to eat?

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Speaker 12: Not really, honestly, No, right, my husband, Yeah right, I

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Speaker 12: mean what flavor?

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Speaker 1: What are we talking about?

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Speaker 4: Yeah, you get a good one, right?

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Speaker 1: Where where is it from?

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Speaker 4: I mean, let's talk about this from I love that

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Speaker 4: that's that's working for you.

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Speaker 2: That's awesome.

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Speaker 1: No, I appreciate that perspective too. I don't. I don't

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Speaker 1: think anyway. It's just because none of us really know

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Speaker 1: that perspective.

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Speaker 11: So but I didn't either until I met my husband

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Speaker 11: and he had been in that world before me, and

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Speaker 11: he's like, here's my lifestyle. You can take it, you

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Speaker 11: can leave it, but I'm the way I am.

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Speaker 7: And I was like, all right, will.

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Speaker 12: You call us and you speak for that perspective? Absolutely?

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Speaker 12: The one Megan, somebody was trying to pitch me on

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Speaker 12: this thing. And I don't know if she made up

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Speaker 12: the term, but it was called I think she did.

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Speaker 12: Actually the kitchen table. Uh, non monogamy. Have you heard

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Speaker 12: about this?

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Speaker 11: Yes, there are different types of monogamy and kitchen tables

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Speaker 11: where everybody in the relationship comes together, is it's down

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Speaker 11: to talk. Where there's other types of monogamy where it's

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Speaker 11: like I have a girlfriend and my husband and my

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Speaker 11: girlfriend don't talk, or kitchen tables everybody is in it together.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm woe eating cake. Everyone's eating cake. Everybody's eating cake.

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Speaker 10: Everybody's eating cake.

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Speaker 1: You know, yes, exactly. Non monogamy is one thing, But

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Speaker 1: I'm not necessarily sure for me that I need to

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Speaker 1: sit down have brunch with you, you know, or like

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Speaker 1: like is it like child like joint custody where you'd

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Speaker 1: like you drop the kids off and make an exchange,

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Speaker 1: like you get to spend the night with me and

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Speaker 1: then we have brunch and then it's like, oh, I

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Speaker 1: guess it's your night. See. Uh, I mean I don't,

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Speaker 1: I don't know, like to me that I don't I

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Speaker 1: don't need to necessarily look the guy in the eye

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Speaker 1: or girl or whatever. But that's just me. Thank you, Megan.

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Speaker 1: Have a good day.

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Speaker 10: Have a good day.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, she was telling me this. She's like, yeah, you know,

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Speaker 1: we would go out with our own people and then

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Speaker 1: we'd all hang out together. I'm like, no, did she

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Speaker 1: know you? Yeah? No, no, clear.

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Speaker 2: She's been inviting you, like, oh to the kitchen tellable.

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Speaker 1: She's like, well, if we date, I just want you

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Speaker 1: to know that I'm non monogamous. I'm like, okay, all right,

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Speaker 1: well so be it. You know. I basically I think

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Speaker 1: anybody on a dating app, it's not monogamous until you honestly, like,

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Speaker 1: I don't assume that anyone is only seeing or doing

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Speaker 1: anything with me until we decide that we're not.

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Speaker 2: I just assume that single till you're married.

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Speaker 1: But what I don't need to do is hang out

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Speaker 1: with the other folks that you're evaluating, you know, and

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Speaker 1: like compare notes and people are listening now, they're probably

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Speaker 1: mad you're making fun of it. I'm not making fun

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Speaker 1: of it. It's not for me. I would not like that.

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Speaker 1: I'd be sitting there eating my pizza or whatever and

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Speaker 1: be like you and I know the same thing, and

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Speaker 1: I don't need to know that we don't need to

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Speaker 1: talk about that. Yeah, yeah, not.

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Speaker 2: For you, kicking no, no, not for me.

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Speaker 1: Not even over some nice air fright salmon.

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Speaker 2: As long as it's not cooked for twenty minutes.

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Speaker 1: The Fresh Show is on its stay or go? Jacob? Hi,

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Speaker 1: how you doing?

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Speaker 6: Hi?

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Speaker 1: Good morning, Jacob. So this is called starego, And normally

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Speaker 1: we are are debating someone's relationship issue and then and

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Speaker 1: then you know, we all sound off on whether you

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Speaker 1: should in the direction your life should say, and we're

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Speaker 1: always right and so, but today is before I understand

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Speaker 1: this is not as much of a of a go,

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Speaker 1: stay or go kind of debate.

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Speaker 13: Right, I'm calling for a relationship advice, but I'm not

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Speaker 13: the ones who's considering leaving at all. Okay, I just

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Speaker 13: kind of want to get your opinion. What do you

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Speaker 13: think that I should do in this situation? Right?

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Speaker 1: Because that's yeah, why would you not call a morning

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Speaker 1: radio show to ask what's we love that you do?

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Speaker 1: We love that many people do. So let's hear it, Jacob,

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Speaker 1: explain what's going on, Paulina the mentor fread the mentor

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Speaker 1: the relationship mentor. Okay, because when it comes to relationships,

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Speaker 1: this guy knows what to do. Go ahead, please.

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Speaker 2: Now go go go.

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Speaker 1: Shut up. The only what we're talking about Jacob's Jacob turn. Yeah.

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Speaker 13: So recently, I'm at this work conference with me and well,

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Speaker 13: a bunch of my coworkers and I we uh, we

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Speaker 13: got pretty drunk and then we ended up going back

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Speaker 13: to my room and you know, we just had a

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Speaker 13: nightcap or two.

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Speaker 1: It happens all the time. How many people are we

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Speaker 1: talking about in this room? It was about eight of us, Okay,

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Speaker 1: all right, a little room party going on. All right,

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Speaker 1: I got it.

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Speaker 13: And one of my female co workers she just passed out,

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Speaker 13: like in my room.

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Speaker 1: So I actually told everyone to go.

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Speaker 13: And then I was pretty drunk, but I slept on

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Speaker 13: the couch and I gave her my So absolutely nothing

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Speaker 13: happened between us. We're just friends. But now I'm kind

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Speaker 13: of wondering if I should tell my girlfriend.

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Speaker 1: No or not. No, no, no, there is nothing good

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Speaker 1: that will come from that. You're telling me right now, Jacob,

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Speaker 1: safe place. You did not nothing happen, nothing, nothing inappropriate.

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Speaker 1: There was no nudity, there was no touching, there was

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Speaker 1: no JTC. There was nothing.

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Speaker 2: No.

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Speaker 13: I wouldn't call into the radio to like put myself

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Speaker 13: on blastow if something did happen.

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Speaker 1: We've heard a lot of things. Yeah, I am.

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Speaker 13: I'm always honest with well, I'm usually honest with my girlfriend.

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Speaker 13: But I'm worried that she's not going to believe that

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Speaker 13: nothing happened, like you just said.

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Speaker 1: And that's no, no, no, there's nothing good that's going

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Speaker 1: to come from revealing this. If you're telling me nothing happened,

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Speaker 1: if that's really what happened, then then then then we

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Speaker 1: move right on. Don't why would he why would you

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Speaker 1: talk about this friend? What is to tell you? I

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Speaker 1: have no go ahead? Go ahead?

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Speaker 5: I mean, what if your girlfriend just happens to be

437
00:19:11,320 --> 00:19:13,560
Speaker 5: in the same room with the co worker at a

438
00:19:13,640 --> 00:19:16,640
Speaker 5: Christmas party or something, and then she goes, oh, thank

439
00:19:16,640 --> 00:19:18,600
Speaker 5: you so much for letting me crash in your room.

440
00:19:18,720 --> 00:19:22,040
Speaker 2: Gonna come out, It's gonna go up, Like what do

441
00:19:22,200 --> 00:19:23,959
Speaker 2: not take the risk? You have to tell her?

442
00:19:24,080 --> 00:19:31,520
Speaker 3: And yeah, somebody's gonna get talk about the hotel party

443
00:19:32,800 --> 00:19:33,359
Speaker 3: have to come up.

444
00:19:33,400 --> 00:19:34,959
Speaker 1: That doesn't necessarily have to come up.

445
00:19:35,000 --> 00:19:37,359
Speaker 2: It doesn't have to, but it will.

446
00:19:37,640 --> 00:19:40,840
Speaker 1: Nothing happened. This guy says, nothing happened, and you know what,

447
00:19:41,160 --> 00:19:43,560
Speaker 1: This goes back to a debate that we've had many

448
00:19:43,600 --> 00:19:46,520
Speaker 1: times on this show, even if something did happen, which

449
00:19:46,520 --> 00:19:49,320
Speaker 1: it didn't. But he gets to live with that. He

450
00:19:49,359 --> 00:19:51,280
Speaker 1: gets to live with that, but she doesn't. He doesn't

451
00:19:51,359 --> 00:19:53,520
Speaker 1: have to mess up her life too because he screwed

452
00:19:53,560 --> 00:19:55,720
Speaker 1: up on a business trip. But that didn't happen. So

453
00:19:55,720 --> 00:19:56,960
Speaker 1: we're not even talking about this.

454
00:19:57,080 --> 00:19:57,320
Speaker 2: Trust.

455
00:19:57,320 --> 00:19:59,240
Speaker 4: Wouldn't you believe your partner if they told you the

456
00:19:59,240 --> 00:20:02,000
Speaker 4: full story? Like I would literally text right away, like yo, babe,

457
00:20:02,240 --> 00:20:04,120
Speaker 4: I'm messing out. She's in the bed. I just want

458
00:20:04,119 --> 00:20:05,200
Speaker 4: to let you know what's going on.

459
00:20:05,560 --> 00:20:06,760
Speaker 2: How I be on FaceTime?

460
00:20:07,000 --> 00:20:07,160
Speaker 10: Right?

461
00:20:07,240 --> 00:20:08,760
Speaker 2: Yeah? For sure?

462
00:20:09,359 --> 00:20:11,400
Speaker 4: Drunk for that well in the morning that I would say,

463
00:20:11,480 --> 00:20:12,920
Speaker 4: I mean, you are too drunk.

464
00:20:12,960 --> 00:20:16,960
Speaker 5: So are you sure she doesn't? Because how drunk are you?

465
00:20:17,440 --> 00:20:20,359
Speaker 1: I am not condoning cheating at all. Cheating is not good.

466
00:20:20,480 --> 00:20:22,679
Speaker 1: No one should ever cheat. He's saying he didn't cheat.

467
00:20:22,960 --> 00:20:25,760
Speaker 1: That it was two people passed out in separate spaces

468
00:20:25,800 --> 00:20:27,640
Speaker 1: in one room. Nothing good is going to come from

469
00:20:27,680 --> 00:20:31,560
Speaker 1: that conversation. I think sometimes we look the other way.

470
00:20:32,480 --> 00:20:35,840
Speaker 1: She is none that your girlfriend is none the wiser. Fred,

471
00:20:36,480 --> 00:20:39,520
Speaker 1: What if you had a girlfriend. I don't want to know.

472
00:20:39,840 --> 00:20:41,639
Speaker 1: I guess that is what it comes down to. She

473
00:20:41,680 --> 00:20:43,639
Speaker 1: didn't cheat on me, I don't want to know.

474
00:20:43,800 --> 00:20:45,399
Speaker 3: I understand that. And she didn't cheat on you in

475
00:20:45,440 --> 00:20:48,320
Speaker 3: the scenario either, so the one that I'm making up.

476
00:20:48,359 --> 00:20:51,400
Speaker 3: So here's my thing about that. Though it comes up later,

477
00:20:51,480 --> 00:20:52,879
Speaker 3: you're the only person in the room that didn't know

478
00:20:52,920 --> 00:20:55,040
Speaker 3: about this party. I didn't know people crashing. You're the

479
00:20:55,040 --> 00:20:55,560
Speaker 3: only one.

480
00:20:55,600 --> 00:20:57,160
Speaker 1: Well, then it comes back to that trust that Candle

481
00:20:57,280 --> 00:20:57,919
Speaker 1: was just referring to.

482
00:20:58,080 --> 00:20:59,520
Speaker 3: Well, don't you feel a little goofy like you could

483
00:20:59,560 --> 00:21:01,920
Speaker 3: have just told me, babe, just spend like, oh, nothing happened.

484
00:21:02,200 --> 00:21:04,560
Speaker 4: Like you know, there's a way to tell to make

485
00:21:04,600 --> 00:21:05,919
Speaker 4: yourself not look shady.

486
00:21:06,240 --> 00:21:09,280
Speaker 2: It's transparency. Everything comes back around.

487
00:21:09,320 --> 00:21:11,840
Speaker 4: I would be so appreciative if if my boyfriend was like, hey,

488
00:21:12,000 --> 00:21:12,960
Speaker 4: this is the situation.

489
00:21:13,440 --> 00:21:15,159
Speaker 2: I'm good, babe, this is I.

490
00:21:15,119 --> 00:21:18,560
Speaker 1: Think it could also start a whole fight. That's not necessary.

491
00:21:18,680 --> 00:21:19,679
Speaker 2: It's going to start.

492
00:21:20,200 --> 00:21:22,879
Speaker 5: That's what I'm saying, just FaceTime in the moment, babe,

493
00:21:22,880 --> 00:21:24,240
Speaker 5: go Okay, she's sleeping in your room.

494
00:21:24,240 --> 00:21:25,639
Speaker 2: Okay, great, go sleep in a lobby.

495
00:21:26,280 --> 00:21:29,760
Speaker 1: That's what I'm saying. What I'm saying, let her have

496
00:21:29,840 --> 00:21:31,840
Speaker 1: the room, Go get another room, Go get another thing,

497
00:21:31,880 --> 00:21:34,080
Speaker 1: go sleep in your buddy's room. I don't you know what.

498
00:21:34,200 --> 00:21:37,680
Speaker 1: It's just just just not mattan.

499
00:21:37,400 --> 00:21:40,240
Speaker 2: Lie, right, Lie, it's a lie?

500
00:21:40,760 --> 00:21:42,480
Speaker 1: How are you lying? How are you lying?

501
00:21:43,840 --> 00:21:45,240
Speaker 2: Lie? It was lion?

502
00:21:45,720 --> 00:21:49,720
Speaker 12: Well, nobody knew to ask you.

503
00:21:49,880 --> 00:21:51,880
Speaker 1: If it never comes up, how is it alive? It's

504
00:21:51,920 --> 00:21:53,640
Speaker 1: not a lot, my god omitting.

505
00:21:53,640 --> 00:21:57,360
Speaker 2: It's such a lie. It's admit it then it's a lie.

506
00:21:57,440 --> 00:22:00,160
Speaker 12: I would rather have a conversation with that coworker, be like, hey,

507
00:22:00,280 --> 00:22:02,160
Speaker 12: we know the situation, nothing ever happened.

508
00:22:02,200 --> 00:22:05,480
Speaker 1: Please don't bring us up. I think I think that's fair.

509
00:22:06,119 --> 00:22:08,240
Speaker 1: I think, why nothing happens.

510
00:22:08,960 --> 00:22:11,000
Speaker 12: I don't want to have this conversation with my girlfriend, Like,

511
00:22:11,119 --> 00:22:12,720
Speaker 12: I know it's gonna probably start to fight.

512
00:22:12,800 --> 00:22:15,040
Speaker 1: Because you know your you know your significant others. Like,

513
00:22:15,160 --> 00:22:16,720
Speaker 1: I know this is probably gonna start a fight. I

514
00:22:16,760 --> 00:22:19,359
Speaker 1: know nothing happened. You know nothing happened. Let's just keep

515
00:22:19,400 --> 00:22:19,760
Speaker 1: it that way.

516
00:22:21,880 --> 00:22:24,160
Speaker 2: You're making secrets with your coworker.

517
00:22:24,320 --> 00:22:26,159
Speaker 1: I just I just think to look, it's not an

518
00:22:26,160 --> 00:22:30,320
Speaker 1: ideal situation, right, it's not ideal, But nothing happened. He's

519
00:22:30,359 --> 00:22:34,400
Speaker 1: saying nothing. Now. Now it's a different story. If they cheated.

520
00:22:34,760 --> 00:22:37,119
Speaker 1: Now you have to have the debate, do I tell

521
00:22:37,119 --> 00:22:39,639
Speaker 1: do I not tell? Whose life? Do I mess up

522
00:22:39,680 --> 00:22:42,760
Speaker 1: hers mind? Both of ours? That's a whole different conversation.

523
00:22:43,119 --> 00:22:46,600
Speaker 1: And if you cheat in itself, that's deception, that's a lie.

524
00:22:46,840 --> 00:22:50,000
Speaker 1: So then you're lying by omitting. There's nothing to omit

525
00:22:50,080 --> 00:22:54,080
Speaker 1: here because nothing happened, right, How is it any different

526
00:22:54,080 --> 00:22:56,520
Speaker 1: than if we both fell asleep in the backseat of

527
00:22:56,520 --> 00:22:58,080
Speaker 1: a car on a road trip. How is that any

528
00:22:58,080 --> 00:23:02,200
Speaker 1: different We fell sleep next to each other, nothing happens.

529
00:23:02,320 --> 00:23:03,159
Speaker 2: That's a big difference.

530
00:23:03,280 --> 00:23:07,600
Speaker 5: However, your on my boyfriend would know that I'm in

531
00:23:07,600 --> 00:23:08,439
Speaker 5: a car with Fred.

532
00:23:08,520 --> 00:23:11,720
Speaker 1: Okay, I okay, your boyfriend knew that his girlfriend knew

533
00:23:11,720 --> 00:23:12,600
Speaker 1: he was on a business track.

534
00:23:12,680 --> 00:23:14,919
Speaker 2: Yeah, not in the hotel with Lisa or whatever.

535
00:23:16,680 --> 00:23:17,080
Speaker 8: I just.

536
00:23:20,320 --> 00:23:23,800
Speaker 1: Now that you say it was Lisa, that Harlot. All right, Jacob,

537
00:23:23,840 --> 00:23:25,520
Speaker 1: let me take some phone calls on this. Don't say

538
00:23:25,600 --> 00:23:30,720
Speaker 1: a word, do you walking into You're walking into a bus?

539
00:23:30,760 --> 00:23:33,080
Speaker 1: Saw here? No, don't listen with a woman.

540
00:23:33,200 --> 00:23:34,200
Speaker 2: Listen to the we'm telling you.

541
00:23:35,400 --> 00:23:37,240
Speaker 1: He'll be calling back a few weeks later, be like, hey,

542
00:23:37,640 --> 00:23:40,280
Speaker 1: it's like, thanks for the advice, guys, It's not worth it.

543
00:23:40,359 --> 00:23:42,760
Speaker 1: Nothing if nothing happened. It's not worth it. Thank you, Jacob,

544
00:23:42,800 --> 00:23:46,280
Speaker 1: Have a good day. I just had the biggest yawn,

545
00:23:46,520 --> 00:23:48,840
Speaker 1: the biggest yawn right before I was supposed to talk,

546
00:23:48,960 --> 00:23:51,320
Speaker 1: like like the biggest yon, like the kind of yawn

547
00:23:51,320 --> 00:23:53,640
Speaker 1: where you want to go, ah, you know that kind

548
00:23:53,640 --> 00:23:55,320
Speaker 1: of ya do you scream when you yawn? Are am

549
00:23:55,359 --> 00:23:56,840
Speaker 1: I the only one that has to make a noise?

550
00:23:57,240 --> 00:23:59,120
Speaker 5: I mean not as dramatic as what you just did.

551
00:24:01,320 --> 00:24:03,680
Speaker 5: You know.

552
00:24:05,800 --> 00:24:08,440
Speaker 1: That's me yawning? Yeah, And then you know I've been

553
00:24:08,440 --> 00:24:10,199
Speaker 1: with my knees all weekend, So it's nice if you

554
00:24:10,240 --> 00:24:12,720
Speaker 1: comment on the yawn like big yaw, you know, something

555
00:24:12,760 --> 00:24:14,880
Speaker 1: like that, or like you would do with your dog,

556
00:24:15,040 --> 00:24:17,520
Speaker 1: same visiness for some reason, with dogs, no matter of

557
00:24:17,680 --> 00:24:20,160
Speaker 1: their age, and children, it's the same sort of thing,

558
00:24:20,240 --> 00:24:23,480
Speaker 1: like oh, if they yawn and you don't acknowledge the

559
00:24:23,520 --> 00:24:28,560
Speaker 1: big yawn, I don't know what you're worth to them,

560
00:24:28,640 --> 00:24:32,320
Speaker 1: really like, yeah, like they need to be acknowledged for that.

561
00:24:32,400 --> 00:24:34,240
Speaker 1: You don't do that with Lux I love.

562
00:24:34,240 --> 00:24:36,720
Speaker 5: I do it when he stretches like he always stretches,

563
00:24:36,720 --> 00:24:38,399
Speaker 5: and he lays his back legs, and I think that

564
00:24:38,480 --> 00:24:41,280
Speaker 5: is the funniest thing. Yeah, you just got your kahunas

565
00:24:41,320 --> 00:24:44,600
Speaker 5: all on the ground, like.

566
00:24:43,040 --> 00:24:53,480
Speaker 1: So stress not the kahunas, you know those things. Yeah, okay, goodness.

567
00:24:53,560 --> 00:24:57,399
Speaker 1: The word of the day is kahunas. I don't know

568
00:24:57,440 --> 00:24:58,280
Speaker 1: if that is the word.

569
00:24:59,119 --> 00:25:03,440
Speaker 3: I think it's said means what I do, my girl rebranding.

570
00:25:04,480 --> 00:25:06,080
Speaker 1: It's all good, you know. We just that's what we

571
00:25:06,119 --> 00:25:07,520
Speaker 1: do right here, We make up her own words.

572
00:25:08,119 --> 00:25:13,240
Speaker 3: More Fread Show Next, A fread show is on Fread's

573
00:25:13,359 --> 00:25:14,879
Speaker 3: Fun Fact Fred.

574
00:25:15,119 --> 00:25:28,560
Speaker 6: Fun you so much, guys, are you ready to learn already?

575
00:25:28,600 --> 00:25:30,760
Speaker 1: Fred? Thank you so much. Thank you for that enthusiasm.

576
00:25:30,760 --> 00:25:38,280
Speaker 1: I appreciate that There was once a successful Tinder match

577
00:25:39,080 --> 00:25:44,040
Speaker 1: in Antarctica. Whoa Whoa happened in twenty fourteen. The dating

578
00:25:44,040 --> 00:25:46,159
Speaker 1: app is popular across the globe, but it didn't have

579
00:25:46,240 --> 00:25:49,359
Speaker 1: a connection on the least inhabited continent until twenty fourteen

580
00:25:49,440 --> 00:25:52,400
Speaker 1: with a pair of research scientists, a man working at

581
00:25:52,440 --> 00:25:56,440
Speaker 1: Antarctica's McMurdo station and a woman camping a forty five

582
00:25:56,480 --> 00:25:59,879
Speaker 1: minute helicopter right away found that they had matched. No

583
00:26:00,200 --> 00:26:03,720
Speaker 1: if it was love, but you know, slim pickings, I

584
00:26:03,720 --> 00:26:07,000
Speaker 1: would think, And the world's least inhabited continent, so you know,

585
00:26:07,040 --> 00:26:08,639
Speaker 1: you can match who you match with, you get what

586
00:26:08,720 --> 00:26:11,520
Speaker 1: you get. I guess right, but there you go. I

587
00:26:11,560 --> 00:26:13,640
Speaker 1: would have expected, like maybe match like a polar bear

588
00:26:13,720 --> 00:26:17,520
Speaker 1: or something. You know what I mean? You polary eat

589
00:26:17,600 --> 00:26:19,080
Speaker 1: you and not in a good way.

590
00:26:19,240 --> 00:26:21,360
Speaker 2: I don't know. I'm like on your vibe with that,

591
00:26:21,440 --> 00:26:22,399
Speaker 2: like I could reason.

592
00:26:23,119 --> 00:26:26,200
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'd like I'd like to believe that, I really would.

593
00:26:27,320 --> 00:26:29,760
Speaker 2: Is there skin really black or something like? Isn't there

594
00:26:29,800 --> 00:26:31,480
Speaker 2: like a crazy color.

595
00:26:31,240 --> 00:26:33,680
Speaker 1: Clear something like their furs clear or something like that?

596
00:26:33,720 --> 00:26:33,960
Speaker 10: Yeah?

597
00:26:34,200 --> 00:26:40,000
Speaker 1: Okay, fresh fun fact tomorrow, sorry google it. Yeah, I

598
00:26:40,080 --> 00:26:42,720
Speaker 1: know if you're saying there's like a like under their

599
00:26:43,480 --> 00:26:46,000
Speaker 1: fur something or they're a different color, I'm looking yeah,

600
00:26:46,040 --> 00:26:49,399
Speaker 1: something you know, match more than one fact, Kalin. Honestly, so,

601
00:26:49,520 --> 00:26:49,879
Speaker 1: I don't know.

602
00:26:50,040 --> 00:26:52,520
Speaker 2: They have jet black skin beneath all that thick fur.

603
00:26:52,560 --> 00:26:55,640
Speaker 4: The polar bear's fur is also translucent and only appears

604
00:26:55,640 --> 00:26:57,600
Speaker 4: white because it reflects visible light.

605
00:26:57,840 --> 00:26:58,199
Speaker 1: Boom.

606
00:26:58,280 --> 00:27:01,240
Speaker 4: That's the only reason they're white is because they're really

607
00:27:01,240 --> 00:27:02,160
Speaker 4: black on their skin.

608
00:27:02,359 --> 00:27:05,040
Speaker 1: Okay, all right, it's interesting. Let's go to Antarctica and

609
00:27:05,080 --> 00:27:06,440
Speaker 1: see if we can reason with the polar bear.

610
00:27:06,480 --> 00:27:07,199
Speaker 2: I would love to.

611
00:27:07,480 --> 00:27:09,280
Speaker 1: Yeah, I just need to get some good running shoes.

612
00:27:09,880 --> 00:27:17,400
Speaker 1: Why imagine someone in antarctica. Bots are pretty good. You're

613
00:27:17,400 --> 00:27:18,840
Speaker 1: the only one here. I'm the only one here. I

614
00:27:18,840 --> 00:27:26,680
Speaker 1: guess we're doing it. So more thread show. Next, You've got.

615
00:27:26,480 --> 00:27:32,320
Speaker 6: To Way Way Bread show is on The Honest Morning Show.

616
00:27:35,119 --> 00:27:37,320
Speaker 1: And I'm a crazy person. You guys know this. But

617
00:27:37,520 --> 00:27:40,240
Speaker 1: I got into an argument with someone a couple of

618
00:27:40,320 --> 00:27:43,080
Speaker 1: nights ago, and I was in the wrong in this

619
00:27:43,240 --> 00:27:51,840
Speaker 1: argument for the most part. And the block well here,

620
00:27:52,800 --> 00:27:55,159
Speaker 1: hold on, listen, don't hear me out, thought hear me out.

621
00:27:55,400 --> 00:27:59,199
Speaker 1: I had wrongdoing in the scenario in that, in a

622
00:27:59,440 --> 00:28:05,560
Speaker 1: in a conversation, I apparently made a comment that was hurtful. Now,

623
00:28:06,160 --> 00:28:10,399
Speaker 1: in fairness, I repeated, essentially repeated back to this person

624
00:28:10,440 --> 00:28:12,960
Speaker 1: what they had already said to me. But when I

625
00:28:13,080 --> 00:28:16,360
Speaker 1: said it, it was mean spirited, apparently, and very very hurtful.

626
00:28:16,680 --> 00:28:19,320
Speaker 1: It doesn't matter. I own that. I own that I

627
00:28:19,440 --> 00:28:21,480
Speaker 1: said something I shouldn't have said in the course of

628
00:28:21,520 --> 00:28:26,359
Speaker 1: an argument with someone, and I've apologized profusely for that.

629
00:28:26,840 --> 00:28:30,199
Speaker 1: But do you ever find yourself in a situation and

630
00:28:30,240 --> 00:28:32,439
Speaker 1: this is me, like, this is my problem, but do

631
00:28:32,440 --> 00:28:35,399
Speaker 1: you ever find yourself in a situation where you're arguing

632
00:28:35,400 --> 00:28:39,000
Speaker 1: with somebody who is not at all willing to see

633
00:28:39,040 --> 00:28:42,520
Speaker 1: your side, yes, like all the time, like not even

634
00:28:42,640 --> 00:28:46,760
Speaker 1: slightly willing to. There's it's almost like this person just

635
00:28:46,920 --> 00:28:50,600
Speaker 1: wants to be angry yes, because they're completely unwilling to

636
00:28:50,720 --> 00:28:54,600
Speaker 1: accept that where you were coming from. And again I

637
00:28:54,960 --> 00:28:57,760
Speaker 1: wasn't like I didn't apologize. I said I'm sorry, but

638
00:28:57,880 --> 00:29:00,440
Speaker 1: let me explain to you, and then a parent like

639
00:29:00,560 --> 00:29:03,840
Speaker 1: facts and contexts have been completely removed, and so it's

640
00:29:03,920 --> 00:29:08,640
Speaker 1: like it's basically I'm arguing my position from what I

641
00:29:08,680 --> 00:29:13,080
Speaker 1: believe to be facts after already apologizing and acknowledge. I'm

642
00:29:13,080 --> 00:29:15,479
Speaker 1: trying to disarm the situation, but I also want this

643
00:29:15,480 --> 00:29:18,240
Speaker 1: person to realize that's not what happened, Like what you're

644
00:29:18,280 --> 00:29:22,120
Speaker 1: saying happened, that's not how it happened. And for some reason,

645
00:29:22,200 --> 00:29:24,320
Speaker 1: I can't just give up with the fact that I'm

646
00:29:24,320 --> 00:29:26,800
Speaker 1: not gonna get it's not gonna be a fair argument.

647
00:29:27,640 --> 00:29:32,400
Speaker 1: I can't stop. And so like two hours later, I'm

648
00:29:32,440 --> 00:29:34,920
Speaker 1: still arguing my side of it, only to find out

649
00:29:35,000 --> 00:29:39,240
Speaker 1: that this person just wants to be pissed. Yeah, And

650
00:29:39,280 --> 00:29:41,440
Speaker 1: then as soon as I slipped up again in the argument,

651
00:29:41,480 --> 00:29:44,000
Speaker 1: I'm right the last two hours because then I said

652
00:29:44,000 --> 00:29:46,320
Speaker 1: something else to be funny, so like because I thought

653
00:29:46,320 --> 00:29:48,440
Speaker 1: we were like result, it was a text. I thought

654
00:29:48,440 --> 00:29:51,480
Speaker 1: we had resolved the argument, so I called back to

655
00:29:51,560 --> 00:29:54,360
Speaker 1: something earlier in the conversation to make it like silly.

656
00:29:55,480 --> 00:29:57,200
Speaker 1: And then I was like, and she I was right

657
00:29:57,240 --> 00:30:00,400
Speaker 1: back in the doghouse where right right back where I started.

658
00:30:00,400 --> 00:30:02,080
Speaker 2: We got to talk offline because I gotta know.

659
00:30:02,600 --> 00:30:04,600
Speaker 1: Well, no, it's just my point is, like I should

660
00:30:04,640 --> 00:30:08,360
Speaker 1: know better, Like I walked into the trap. This person

661
00:30:08,880 --> 00:30:13,600
Speaker 1: would rather hold on to whatever she believes happened, even

662
00:30:14,520 --> 00:30:16,120
Speaker 1: though I acknowledged I was wrong.

663
00:30:16,400 --> 00:30:16,560
Speaker 13: You know.

664
00:30:16,600 --> 00:30:18,640
Speaker 1: That's the thing, Like, I get it when people argue

665
00:30:18,640 --> 00:30:20,920
Speaker 1: their side and they're unwilling to admit the part where

666
00:30:20,920 --> 00:30:23,720
Speaker 1: they were wrong. That's frustrating. And I'll hold my ground.

667
00:30:24,080 --> 00:30:26,680
Speaker 1: But I started, and I rarely do this, but I

668
00:30:26,760 --> 00:30:29,560
Speaker 1: started with that was my bad. However.

669
00:30:29,920 --> 00:30:33,200
Speaker 4: Oh see, maybe the however upset them, Like when you apologize, there's.

670
00:30:33,720 --> 00:30:38,280
Speaker 1: I'm paraphrasing, But the thing is I'm apologizing. I'm admittedly

671
00:30:38,320 --> 00:30:41,560
Speaker 1: apologizing because this relationship mattered to me as a friend,

672
00:30:42,120 --> 00:30:45,080
Speaker 1: but I'm also not completely giving in on this version.

673
00:30:45,120 --> 00:30:49,000
Speaker 1: I mean, like this person's version of events is not

674
00:30:49,200 --> 00:30:52,479
Speaker 1: what happened. It just isn't. But for some reason I

675
00:30:52,560 --> 00:30:56,000
Speaker 1: need I needed that validation, like I needed that person

676
00:30:56,040 --> 00:30:59,080
Speaker 1: to be like, Okay, you were wrong for that, but

677
00:30:59,160 --> 00:31:01,960
Speaker 1: I understand how we got here. That's what I think

678
00:31:02,040 --> 00:31:04,280
Speaker 1: people who care about each other do, especially when the

679
00:31:04,280 --> 00:31:06,720
Speaker 1: other person dives right from the beginning. I mean, I

680
00:31:06,760 --> 00:31:09,000
Speaker 1: didn't come in armed to be like you're in you're

681
00:31:09,280 --> 00:31:14,120
Speaker 1: a mean, spirited, deep deeply rooted anger issues person. I didn't.

682
00:31:14,160 --> 00:31:16,160
Speaker 1: I didn't like come in with that. But but you

683
00:31:16,200 --> 00:31:18,880
Speaker 1: know what I mean. But what I'm saying is like,

684
00:31:20,000 --> 00:31:22,880
Speaker 1: when I care about somebody and I think we're friends,

685
00:31:24,080 --> 00:31:27,600
Speaker 1: I give them the benefit of the doubt because intent matters. Yes, Like,

686
00:31:28,400 --> 00:31:31,520
Speaker 1: it turns out that what I said, which is literally

687
00:31:31,600 --> 00:31:34,400
Speaker 1: almost repeating exactly what she said to me about herself,

688
00:31:34,840 --> 00:31:38,640
Speaker 1: was very very personal for her and hurtful, and I

689
00:31:38,680 --> 00:31:40,960
Speaker 1: didn't know that. Like when I said it, I was

690
00:31:41,000 --> 00:31:45,160
Speaker 1: simply voicing frustration. It doesn't mean what I said was right.

691
00:31:45,200 --> 00:31:48,000
Speaker 1: It wasn't. But apparently I was supposed to know that

692
00:31:48,120 --> 00:31:49,840
Speaker 1: was the worst thing I ever could have said to her,

693
00:31:49,880 --> 00:31:52,920
Speaker 1: and I was supposed to just know that in my head.

694
00:31:52,960 --> 00:31:54,840
Speaker 2: Well that's not fair to put on you at all.

695
00:31:54,880 --> 00:31:56,520
Speaker 4: But I do think like when we say sorry, like

696
00:31:56,560 --> 00:31:57,960
Speaker 4: I don't know if someone says sorry to me, and

697
00:31:58,000 --> 00:32:00,960
Speaker 4: then like there's stuff that comes after it, like explaining

698
00:32:01,040 --> 00:32:03,080
Speaker 4: why or what. I like, I feel like sometimes it

699
00:32:03,120 --> 00:32:05,719
Speaker 4: doesn't feel genuine, like it might be genuine, but like

700
00:32:05,760 --> 00:32:09,400
Speaker 4: sometimes the explanation makes me feel like someone really isn't sorry.

701
00:32:09,720 --> 00:32:12,120
Speaker 2: So maybe that's where maybe maybe.

702
00:32:11,840 --> 00:32:14,120
Speaker 1: I just think it's like if we care about each

703
00:32:14,160 --> 00:32:18,440
Speaker 1: other and we're communicating, yeah, I'm acknowledging my wrongdoing. But

704
00:32:18,520 --> 00:32:20,680
Speaker 1: that's kind of where you step in as somebody who

705
00:32:20,760 --> 00:32:24,280
Speaker 1: actually cares if you do, which this person could does not,

706
00:32:24,840 --> 00:32:27,880
Speaker 1: and says, okay, I'm off my high horse. Now, like right,

707
00:32:28,360 --> 00:32:30,800
Speaker 1: you said you said you were wrong. I get it.

708
00:32:30,880 --> 00:32:33,680
Speaker 1: Here's where this and maybe give a little to the

709
00:32:33,680 --> 00:32:35,520
Speaker 1: person who just did the thing that you want them

710
00:32:35,560 --> 00:32:38,000
Speaker 1: to do, because it's not that common. Not that it shouldn't,

711
00:32:38,200 --> 00:32:40,680
Speaker 1: apologies should be more common, but for whatever reason, it's

712
00:32:40,680 --> 00:32:42,800
Speaker 1: not easy for humans to apologize to each other. And

713
00:32:42,840 --> 00:32:45,800
Speaker 1: I'm willing to admit where I screwed up. But if

714
00:32:45,800 --> 00:32:49,160
Speaker 1: my friend comes to me and says I'm sorry, uh,

715
00:32:49,200 --> 00:32:51,440
Speaker 1: and I care about them, I like them. I'll usually

716
00:32:51,440 --> 00:32:53,480
Speaker 1: extend some grace on my side too and be like,

717
00:32:53,560 --> 00:32:55,959
Speaker 1: you know what, thank you for doing that. I appreciate that.

718
00:32:56,000 --> 00:32:58,200
Speaker 1: And here's where, here's where things could have gone awry

719
00:32:58,280 --> 00:33:00,520
Speaker 1: on my end too. But instead there was none of that.

720
00:33:00,680 --> 00:33:02,680
Speaker 1: And for some reason I kept going for two hours

721
00:33:02,760 --> 00:33:05,640
Speaker 1: waiting for that oh wow. And I'm the idiot because

722
00:33:05,640 --> 00:33:07,440
Speaker 1: I was never and am never going to get it

723
00:33:07,480 --> 00:33:09,480
Speaker 1: because it's much easier to be like, you're a prick

724
00:33:09,680 --> 00:33:12,520
Speaker 1: and you'll always be a prick. But for some reason

725
00:33:12,560 --> 00:33:14,640
Speaker 1: in my mind, I'm like, no, no, no, she's going

726
00:33:14,680 --> 00:33:16,479
Speaker 1: to come to my side because we've been friends for

727
00:33:16,520 --> 00:33:19,600
Speaker 1: like five or six years, like clearly you know. And

728
00:33:19,640 --> 00:33:22,280
Speaker 1: that's another thing that drives me absolutely crazy is when

729
00:33:22,280 --> 00:33:26,200
Speaker 1: somebody decides they know you, they know you to the core,

730
00:33:26,360 --> 00:33:28,560
Speaker 1: like they know you as well as anyone would know you,

731
00:33:28,840 --> 00:33:31,200
Speaker 1: and they take one statement that you've made and now

732
00:33:31,240 --> 00:33:33,240
Speaker 1: all of a sudden, you're the worst person in the world.

733
00:33:33,520 --> 00:33:35,600
Speaker 1: And it's like, so we're just throwing out everything you

734
00:33:35,680 --> 00:33:36,280
Speaker 1: know about me.

735
00:33:36,760 --> 00:33:39,000
Speaker 2: Yeah, that I don't agree with. If you know where

736
00:33:39,080 --> 00:33:39,760
Speaker 2: my heart is.

737
00:33:39,760 --> 00:33:42,080
Speaker 1: You know the kind of person I'm I am. People

738
00:33:42,120 --> 00:33:45,560
Speaker 1: say stupid things when they're disappointed or upset, which I did,

739
00:33:46,120 --> 00:33:48,680
Speaker 1: and I own that, but like, I don't know. I

740
00:33:48,720 --> 00:33:51,120
Speaker 1: think about my relationship with my mom, Like growing up,

741
00:33:51,320 --> 00:33:54,920
Speaker 1: we got along great, but she would sometimes, you know,

742
00:33:55,080 --> 00:33:57,120
Speaker 1: when she wanted to end an argument with me, she'd

743
00:33:57,200 --> 00:33:59,120
Speaker 1: hit me with a barb and she knows, she knew

744
00:33:59,160 --> 00:34:01,479
Speaker 1: exactly what to do, and it would shut me up

745
00:34:01,560 --> 00:34:03,840
Speaker 1: like that. It worked, but then about fifteen minutes later,

746
00:34:03,840 --> 00:34:05,840
Speaker 1: she'd come back and say that was unfair and I'm sorry,

747
00:34:05,880 --> 00:34:08,239
Speaker 1: and it's my mother and so I and I know

748
00:34:08,360 --> 00:34:10,200
Speaker 1: that she didn't mean that the way that it could

749
00:34:10,239 --> 00:34:12,000
Speaker 1: be taken. So like, yeah, was I mad for an

750
00:34:12,000 --> 00:34:13,600
Speaker 1: hour or two? And then does it go right back

751
00:34:13,640 --> 00:34:16,719
Speaker 1: to normal? Because I know, I know she didn't mean

752
00:34:16,760 --> 00:34:19,719
Speaker 1: that that way. Yeah, and this person's not going to

753
00:34:19,800 --> 00:34:22,160
Speaker 1: give me that. And for some reason, I just couldn't stop,

754
00:34:22,239 --> 00:34:24,640
Speaker 1: Like I had to keep going because I just wanted

755
00:34:24,640 --> 00:34:27,239
Speaker 1: this person to be like, yeah, you know what, I

756
00:34:27,280 --> 00:34:28,400
Speaker 1: can see your side.

757
00:34:28,680 --> 00:34:29,120
Speaker 8: Yeah.

758
00:34:29,239 --> 00:34:30,680
Speaker 4: I mean my friends and I were talking about this

759
00:34:30,719 --> 00:34:33,160
Speaker 4: at dinner the other night, and everyone's going around saying like,

760
00:34:33,239 --> 00:34:34,360
Speaker 4: do you hold grudges or not?

761
00:34:34,360 --> 00:34:35,960
Speaker 2: Because my one friend asked, she was like, oh, I

762
00:34:36,040 --> 00:34:36,480
Speaker 2: hold them.

763
00:34:36,560 --> 00:34:38,520
Speaker 4: I hold them, and she asked me if I did,

764
00:34:38,600 --> 00:34:41,920
Speaker 4: and I said, honestly, like, if someone has the kahones

765
00:34:42,200 --> 00:34:44,120
Speaker 4: to come to me and have like a face to

766
00:34:44,160 --> 00:34:47,440
Speaker 4: face conversation and apologize, I let everything go because I

767
00:34:47,520 --> 00:34:50,839
Speaker 4: know how hard that is for people to do. So really, like,

768
00:34:50,960 --> 00:34:52,840
Speaker 4: I once I get that, I'm like over it one

769
00:34:52,920 --> 00:34:55,120
Speaker 4: hundred percent because I know that it's like, you know,

770
00:34:55,200 --> 00:34:58,440
Speaker 4: not common so and if you know someone in their hearty.

771
00:34:58,280 --> 00:34:59,879
Speaker 1: And that's the part that frustrated me the most. Im

772
00:35:00,080 --> 00:35:01,640
Speaker 1: So we're really gonna we're going to ride with that,

773
00:35:03,000 --> 00:35:05,080
Speaker 1: which I hate to say this about. And again now

774
00:35:05,080 --> 00:35:07,359
Speaker 1: it sounds like I'm backing down on my apology, which

775
00:35:07,360 --> 00:35:11,360
Speaker 1: I'm not. But like, if that's your position, I should

776
00:35:11,360 --> 00:35:13,719
Speaker 1: have just known, like you don't want this to be right,

777
00:35:13,840 --> 00:35:15,560
Speaker 1: Like you don't want this to end, you don't want it.

778
00:35:15,719 --> 00:35:18,200
Speaker 1: You want to be angry. You're looking for reasons to

779
00:35:18,920 --> 00:35:20,880
Speaker 1: be a victim or for me to be a villain,

780
00:35:21,000 --> 00:35:22,920
Speaker 1: and that's not what friends do to each other. And

781
00:35:22,960 --> 00:35:23,560
Speaker 1: so guess what.

782
00:35:24,440 --> 00:35:28,440
Speaker 2: Are you done? I have to be like with the friendship? Yeah,

783
00:35:28,680 --> 00:35:29,880
Speaker 2: oh wow, okay.

784
00:35:29,719 --> 00:35:33,000
Speaker 1: Yeah, because I don't think that was fair. If I

785
00:35:33,040 --> 00:35:35,239
Speaker 1: had come to her and been like, I'm not going

786
00:35:35,239 --> 00:35:37,680
Speaker 1: to apologize because I didn't mean it. Because I didn't

787
00:35:37,680 --> 00:35:40,640
Speaker 1: mean it. I certainly didn't mean it. It was as

788
00:35:40,680 --> 00:35:42,759
Speaker 1: it was interpreted. If I had come to her like

789
00:35:42,840 --> 00:35:45,360
Speaker 1: that and then she's on the defensive, then I would say,

790
00:35:46,080 --> 00:35:48,640
Speaker 1: then that is what you're talking about. That's not really

791
00:35:48,640 --> 00:35:52,040
Speaker 1: an apology. But I said probably twenty times that was

792
00:35:52,120 --> 00:35:52,760
Speaker 1: my bad.

793
00:35:52,920 --> 00:35:53,719
Speaker 2: Okay, that's right.

794
00:35:53,840 --> 00:35:56,600
Speaker 1: Yeah, but on the flip side, I need you to

795
00:35:56,680 --> 00:35:59,840
Speaker 1: acknowledge that's not how it happened. And then what's funny

796
00:35:59,880 --> 00:36:02,560
Speaker 1: is this new details started emerging. I'm like, wait, what,

797
00:36:02,760 --> 00:36:05,319
Speaker 1: like you know what? But I just kept going. I

798
00:36:05,360 --> 00:36:08,320
Speaker 1: couldn't help myself, Like I should have known about fifteen

799
00:36:08,360 --> 00:36:10,880
Speaker 1: minutes in this wasn't going to go my way. I

800
00:36:10,920 --> 00:36:13,960
Speaker 1: wasn't going to get any understanding and I was wrong,

801
00:36:14,000 --> 00:36:15,640
Speaker 1: and that's and that's the end of it. But then

802
00:36:15,800 --> 00:36:17,640
Speaker 1: this person's like, well, maybe we can still be friends,

803
00:36:17,640 --> 00:36:18,600
Speaker 1: and I'm like, but I don't know that I can

804
00:36:18,640 --> 00:36:21,120
Speaker 1: be friends with you because you can't forgive me. You

805
00:36:21,200 --> 00:36:23,640
Speaker 1: say you can't, but you are so angry, you know

806
00:36:23,680 --> 00:36:26,120
Speaker 1: what I mean? So like, I don't have that many friends,

807
00:36:26,160 --> 00:36:29,520
Speaker 1: and the ones I do have are unconditional. I might

808
00:36:29,520 --> 00:36:33,359
Speaker 1: piss you off, but the people I'm friends with will

809
00:36:33,360 --> 00:36:36,120
Speaker 1: eventually come back to the person that they know who

810
00:36:36,160 --> 00:36:38,520
Speaker 1: is a person who wouldn't want to intentionally hurt them.

811
00:36:38,600 --> 00:36:40,640
Speaker 1: That's not to say that words don't matter and that

812
00:36:40,680 --> 00:36:42,600
Speaker 1: people who care about each other can't hurt each other,

813
00:36:43,120 --> 00:36:45,360
Speaker 1: but ultimately, I think when there's equity in a friendship

814
00:36:45,360 --> 00:36:48,560
Speaker 1: and somebody really knows you, for them to just decide

815
00:36:48,880 --> 00:36:52,000
Speaker 1: that you're not worth it says something about what they

816
00:36:52,080 --> 00:36:52,880
Speaker 1: really think of you.

817
00:36:53,280 --> 00:36:55,200
Speaker 2: In my opinion, try to call one another. I mean

818
00:36:55,200 --> 00:36:58,040
Speaker 2: sometimes we're texting it, so no it was all text. Okay,

819
00:36:58,400 --> 00:36:59,280
Speaker 2: maybe yeah.

820
00:36:59,160 --> 00:37:01,360
Speaker 1: But the point is I couldn't help myself. I just couldn't.

821
00:37:01,400 --> 00:37:02,279
Speaker 2: I couldn't blame you.

822
00:37:02,719 --> 00:37:06,000
Speaker 5: I couldn't just give in delusion with you, Like if

823
00:37:06,000 --> 00:37:07,800
Speaker 5: that's not how it happened, then I'm not going to

824
00:37:07,920 --> 00:37:10,880
Speaker 5: change what actually happened just to coddle you.

825
00:37:10,920 --> 00:37:13,400
Speaker 1: Like no, And it's something. At one point this person's like,

826
00:37:13,400 --> 00:37:15,279
Speaker 1: well do you do I owe you a thank you

827
00:37:15,280 --> 00:37:17,240
Speaker 1: for your apology, and I'm like, that's not what I'm saying.

828
00:37:18,000 --> 00:37:20,719
Speaker 1: I'm just saying, can you please acknowledge how difficult it

829
00:37:20,840 --> 00:37:23,000
Speaker 1: is for someone to say they're wrong, especially when they

830
00:37:23,040 --> 00:37:25,480
Speaker 1: don't entirely agree about how it happened. But I did

831
00:37:25,480 --> 00:37:27,560
Speaker 1: it anyway because it was worth it to me. But

832
00:37:27,600 --> 00:37:30,239
Speaker 1: it is not worth it to you. Apparently on the

833
00:37:30,280 --> 00:37:33,520
Speaker 1: other side, it's too bad. But like it is what

834
00:37:33,560 --> 00:37:35,880
Speaker 1: it is. I just it would be one thing if

835
00:37:36,040 --> 00:37:39,120
Speaker 1: I were unwilling to admit any wrongdoing. I have no

836
00:37:39,160 --> 00:37:42,000
Speaker 1: problem saying that was messed up on me. But then

837
00:37:42,040 --> 00:37:45,640
Speaker 1: it's like, oh, that was I don't I'm not patting

838
00:37:45,640 --> 00:37:47,719
Speaker 1: myself on the back. I guess I am, but there

839
00:37:47,719 --> 00:37:50,480
Speaker 1: aren't that many people. I am often unwilling to do

840
00:37:50,520 --> 00:37:52,680
Speaker 1: that even when I should. But I did it here

841
00:37:52,719 --> 00:37:57,920
Speaker 1: because it mattered. But the end of result is I

842
00:37:57,920 --> 00:37:59,279
Speaker 1: don't know that. I don't know that I want to

843
00:37:59,280 --> 00:38:01,839
Speaker 1: socialize with this person because it's like, apparently there's no

844
00:38:02,880 --> 00:38:05,319
Speaker 1: there'll never be any grace given. Apparently if I say

845
00:38:05,320 --> 00:38:08,720
Speaker 1: the wrong thing at any time and for some reason

846
00:38:08,760 --> 00:38:11,000
Speaker 1: I don't know the exact context and the exact way

847
00:38:11,040 --> 00:38:13,719
Speaker 1: you're going to interpret that, which nobody ever will no, Well,

848
00:38:13,719 --> 00:38:16,480
Speaker 1: then I'm out. I'm out. I'm just I'm just you

849
00:38:16,480 --> 00:38:16,960
Speaker 1: know what I mean.

850
00:38:17,040 --> 00:38:18,840
Speaker 2: But they you said, they still want to be your friend.

851
00:38:19,080 --> 00:38:21,239
Speaker 1: Well at one point that was a suggestion, but I'm like,

852
00:38:22,080 --> 00:38:22,480
Speaker 1: you're done.

853
00:38:22,520 --> 00:38:24,240
Speaker 2: Now They're like maybe they're just mad in the moment,

854
00:38:24,360 --> 00:38:24,600
Speaker 2: you know.

855
00:38:24,719 --> 00:38:28,680
Speaker 1: I'm like, how can I be your friend when you you? You?

856
00:38:28,760 --> 00:38:30,640
Speaker 1: This is this is this is the playing field that

857
00:38:30,719 --> 00:38:33,440
Speaker 1: you know. I'm supposed to read your mind. I'm supposed

858
00:38:33,480 --> 00:38:36,120
Speaker 1: to not apparently have any emotion about things that you

859
00:38:36,160 --> 00:38:37,560
Speaker 1: say I'm not. I guess I'm not allowed to have

860
00:38:37,560 --> 00:38:39,680
Speaker 1: feelings or act out at any at any point, which

861
00:38:39,719 --> 00:38:41,320
Speaker 1: I think is a normal thing to do in a friendship,

862
00:38:41,320 --> 00:38:44,000
Speaker 1: in a relationship. And when I do those things and

863
00:38:44,000 --> 00:38:47,120
Speaker 1: I say I'm sorry, I guess. I guess that doesn't

864
00:38:47,160 --> 00:38:49,560
Speaker 1: I guess, you know, I guess, so so what, I'm

865
00:38:49,560 --> 00:38:51,920
Speaker 1: still hurt. You're still in ale. It's like your emotions,

866
00:38:51,960 --> 00:38:54,439
Speaker 1: apparently you're everything about you is more important than everything

867
00:38:54,480 --> 00:38:56,640
Speaker 1: about me, I guess. And it's like, I don't know,

868
00:38:56,920 --> 00:39:00,000
Speaker 1: give me something. Yeah, but I'm the idiot who couldn't stary.

869
00:39:00,200 --> 00:39:02,360
Speaker 1: I probably dug a deeper hole because now I'm like, no,

870
00:39:02,400 --> 00:39:04,160
Speaker 1: wait a minute, no, whoa whoa whoa?

871
00:39:04,400 --> 00:39:05,719
Speaker 2: No, whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa?

872
00:39:05,760 --> 00:39:08,319
Speaker 5: Wa Two hours is a long time we're talking to

873
00:39:08,360 --> 00:39:12,680
Speaker 5: your bone to do the text and liked the apartment.

874
00:39:13,080 --> 00:39:16,359
Speaker 1: No, yeah, I was pussy because my small cheval had

875
00:39:16,440 --> 00:39:18,680
Speaker 1: just shown up too, and I didn't eat it because

876
00:39:18,680 --> 00:39:21,920
Speaker 1: I was too busy trying to believe it or not.

877
00:39:21,960 --> 00:39:24,279
Speaker 1: I really wanted to make this right, but I also

878
00:39:24,320 --> 00:39:27,279
Speaker 1: want to give me something, give me something, you know.

879
00:39:27,360 --> 00:39:30,480
Speaker 1: But now my small chaval got cold. Oh no, but

880
00:39:30,600 --> 00:39:32,160
Speaker 1: you know what, on the flip side, I only ate

881
00:39:32,200 --> 00:39:34,000
Speaker 1: about a quarter of it because it was cold and

882
00:39:34,040 --> 00:39:36,600
Speaker 1: the fries were cold, and so I saved myself probably

883
00:39:36,600 --> 00:39:39,239
Speaker 1: a thousand calories in that fight. So that was really exciting. Like, no,

884
00:39:39,239 --> 00:39:41,040
Speaker 1: I want to hear the real story.