1 00:00:03,440 --> 00:00:06,680 Speaker 1: Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of I Heart Radio. 2 00:00:09,320 --> 00:00:13,880 Speaker 1: Good Morning. This is Laura, Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast. 3 00:00:14,480 --> 00:00:17,760 Speaker 1: Today's tip is about how to stop wasting time and 4 00:00:17,800 --> 00:00:22,680 Speaker 1: mental energy ruminating over useless feedback. In other words, how 5 00:00:22,720 --> 00:00:26,880 Speaker 1: to keep criticism from stinging. First, I want to say 6 00:00:26,880 --> 00:00:30,400 Speaker 1: that constructive feedback is a real gift. Someone can be 7 00:00:30,560 --> 00:00:33,760 Speaker 1: mean and nasty, but if that person gives you practical 8 00:00:33,760 --> 00:00:37,320 Speaker 1: suggestions for how to improve something that matters to you, 9 00:00:37,320 --> 00:00:39,960 Speaker 1: your best off thanking the person. You don't have to 10 00:00:40,000 --> 00:00:44,080 Speaker 1: be friends, but you can be grateful. That said, not 11 00:00:44,240 --> 00:00:47,879 Speaker 1: all feedback is constructive. I was thinking of this recently 12 00:00:47,880 --> 00:00:50,080 Speaker 1: when I got a letter from a Before Breakfast listener 13 00:00:50,080 --> 00:00:53,440 Speaker 1: who leads a church. This minister lost a close family 14 00:00:53,479 --> 00:00:56,640 Speaker 1: member shortly before Christmas. It was too late to find 15 00:00:56,640 --> 00:00:59,520 Speaker 1: someone else to lead all the holiday services, so the 16 00:00:59,560 --> 00:01:03,120 Speaker 1: minister did so well, deep in grief. Then she received 17 00:01:03,120 --> 00:01:05,800 Speaker 1: a note from a parishioner who knew about the death, 18 00:01:06,400 --> 00:01:12,440 Speaker 1: saying that her holiday preaching was subpar ouch in this situation, 19 00:01:12,480 --> 00:01:16,360 Speaker 1: the listener knew that this criticism wasn't really fair, but 20 00:01:16,400 --> 00:01:19,800 Speaker 1: as she ruminated about it, she wondered, looking forward, if 21 00:01:19,840 --> 00:01:22,480 Speaker 1: there was a way to spend less mental energy worrying 22 00:01:22,600 --> 00:01:25,840 Speaker 1: about such criticism. I think this is a good goal, 23 00:01:26,200 --> 00:01:29,800 Speaker 1: but not just for criticism. We should also spend less 24 00:01:29,840 --> 00:01:33,759 Speaker 1: mental energy seeking out unhelpful praise. Over the years, I've 25 00:01:33,760 --> 00:01:36,399 Speaker 1: had a number of people read my books before publication 26 00:01:36,680 --> 00:01:39,000 Speaker 1: to see if they flag issues that I can't see. 27 00:01:39,720 --> 00:01:42,320 Speaker 1: I always tell them that I love it and I 28 00:01:42,360 --> 00:01:46,080 Speaker 1: hate it are equally unhelpful, even if as a human 29 00:01:46,120 --> 00:01:49,720 Speaker 1: being I vastly prefer hearing the former. Instead, I want 30 00:01:49,720 --> 00:01:51,960 Speaker 1: to know things like I stopped reading in the middle 31 00:01:51,960 --> 00:01:55,520 Speaker 1: of chapter two because these points seemed repetitive. That's good 32 00:01:55,520 --> 00:01:58,840 Speaker 1: to now. We can contort ourselves too much to seek 33 00:01:58,840 --> 00:02:01,880 Speaker 1: out praise, just as we can make shortsighted moves to 34 00:02:01,920 --> 00:02:07,520 Speaker 1: avoid criticism. Better to decouple our self esteem from both instead, 35 00:02:07,920 --> 00:02:11,680 Speaker 1: I think that unhelpful criticism or praise can best be 36 00:02:11,760 --> 00:02:14,680 Speaker 1: kept in context by drowning it with a high volume 37 00:02:14,760 --> 00:02:18,720 Speaker 1: of helpful feedback. The more feedback you get, the more 38 00:02:18,760 --> 00:02:21,320 Speaker 1: you can see that not everyone thinks X, but a 39 00:02:21,320 --> 00:02:24,320 Speaker 1: lot of people do think why, which you hadn't even considered. 40 00:02:25,040 --> 00:02:27,800 Speaker 1: You can evaluate all of it without assigning too much 41 00:02:27,840 --> 00:02:30,119 Speaker 1: weight to any one bit of it. You can see 42 00:02:30,120 --> 00:02:33,280 Speaker 1: which feedback resonates most strongly with you and figure out 43 00:02:33,280 --> 00:02:35,519 Speaker 1: a way to deal with critical feedback in a way 44 00:02:35,520 --> 00:02:39,720 Speaker 1: that feels authentic. In the minister's case, I suggested identifying 45 00:02:39,760 --> 00:02:42,519 Speaker 1: a handful of thoughtful church members who could commit to 46 00:02:42,560 --> 00:02:46,480 Speaker 1: providing feedback on her sermons every week. I also suggested 47 00:02:46,480 --> 00:02:50,079 Speaker 1: inviting some skilled retired preachers to visit her church frequently 48 00:02:50,400 --> 00:02:54,160 Speaker 1: and provide feedback as well. The higher the volume, the 49 00:02:54,200 --> 00:02:57,120 Speaker 1: more the random feedback from grumpy people can be taken 50 00:02:57,160 --> 00:03:00,280 Speaker 1: for what it is. If you find yourself thinking for 51 00:03:00,400 --> 00:03:04,000 Speaker 1: days about unhelpful criticism, you might think about how you 52 00:03:04,000 --> 00:03:06,440 Speaker 1: can increase the volume of feedback you receive as well. 53 00:03:07,120 --> 00:03:09,320 Speaker 1: Can you show your work to a handful of colleagues. 54 00:03:09,919 --> 00:03:13,480 Speaker 1: Can you enlist a few mentors to provide advice? If 55 00:03:13,520 --> 00:03:16,320 Speaker 1: you do public speaking, can you try out new material 56 00:03:16,639 --> 00:03:19,760 Speaker 1: in front of smaller audiences. The goal is to have 57 00:03:19,880 --> 00:03:23,680 Speaker 1: your feedback be somewhat like receiving a gift basket. If 58 00:03:23,720 --> 00:03:26,000 Speaker 1: someone gave you a box of chocolate covered cherries as 59 00:03:26,000 --> 00:03:28,520 Speaker 1: a gift, and you hated chocolate to cover cherries, well, 60 00:03:28,560 --> 00:03:30,560 Speaker 1: you might be a little bit miffed. But when the 61 00:03:30,639 --> 00:03:35,360 Speaker 1: cherries are packaged with popcorn, fancy cheeses, crackers, truffles, cookies, 62 00:03:35,360 --> 00:03:38,200 Speaker 1: and a bottle of wine. Will no big deal. You 63 00:03:38,200 --> 00:03:40,440 Speaker 1: can find other things that you'd find worthwhile in there, 64 00:03:40,760 --> 00:03:44,200 Speaker 1: so it's all good. How do you keep unhelpful negative 65 00:03:44,200 --> 00:03:47,280 Speaker 1: feedback in chat? You can let me know at Before 66 00:03:47,320 --> 00:03:51,200 Speaker 1: Breakfast podcast at i hurt media dot com. In the meantime, 67 00:03:51,760 --> 00:03:55,000 Speaker 1: this is Laura. Thanks for listening and here's to making 68 00:03:55,000 --> 00:04:03,880 Speaker 1: the most of our time. M Hey, everybody, I'd love 69 00:04:03,880 --> 00:04:06,080 Speaker 1: to hear from you. You can send me your tips, 70 00:04:06,240 --> 00:04:09,880 Speaker 1: your questions, or anything else. Just connect with me on Twitter, 71 00:04:10,240 --> 00:04:15,720 Speaker 1: Facebook and Instagram at Before Breakfast pod that's B the 72 00:04:15,840 --> 00:04:20,000 Speaker 1: number four, then Breakfast p o D. You can also 73 00:04:20,080 --> 00:04:23,440 Speaker 1: shoot me an email at Before Breakfast podcast at i 74 00:04:23,560 --> 00:04:26,560 Speaker 1: heeart media dot com. That Before Breakfast is spelled out 75 00:04:26,600 --> 00:04:29,040 Speaker 1: with all the letters. Thanks so much. Should I look 76 00:04:29,080 --> 00:04:37,440 Speaker 1: forward to staying in touch. Before Breakfast is a production 77 00:04:37,440 --> 00:04:40,880 Speaker 1: of I Heart Radio. For more podcasts from my heart Radio, 78 00:04:41,360 --> 00:04:44,880 Speaker 1: visit the I heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever 79 00:04:44,960 --> 00:04:46,279 Speaker 1: you listen to your favorite shows.