1 00:00:00,640 --> 00:00:16,120 Speaker 1: This episode covers sensitive topics. Listener discretion is advice. Hey, 2 00:00:16,120 --> 00:00:20,239 Speaker 1: Professional Homegirls, it's your favorite phg here at Ebene and 3 00:00:20,360 --> 00:00:23,200 Speaker 1: this week we are diving deep into the chilling world 4 00:00:23,280 --> 00:00:26,720 Speaker 1: of online dating. Join us as my guest. Shed's light 5 00:00:26,800 --> 00:00:29,880 Speaker 1: on the darker side of Mardern romance and the digital age, 6 00:00:30,200 --> 00:00:33,640 Speaker 1: unraveling the twists and turns of her own terrifying experience. 7 00:00:33,960 --> 00:00:38,200 Speaker 1: Get ready because my dating app, Nightmare Park one starts now. 8 00:00:39,240 --> 00:00:41,280 Speaker 1: So to my guests, thank you so much for being 9 00:00:41,360 --> 00:00:43,760 Speaker 1: on the Professional Homegirl podcast. 10 00:00:43,920 --> 00:00:45,440 Speaker 2: How are you? How are you doing? 11 00:00:46,400 --> 00:00:49,720 Speaker 3: I'm good. I'm handling and hanging in here in Texas, 12 00:00:49,760 --> 00:00:51,960 Speaker 3: dealing with three and four seasons in one day. But 13 00:00:52,080 --> 00:00:54,920 Speaker 3: you don't send down here. Listen. 14 00:00:55,040 --> 00:00:57,160 Speaker 1: New York the other day was fifty degrees. It was 15 00:00:57,200 --> 00:01:00,120 Speaker 1: beautiful outside, like God was outside playing with us. So 16 00:01:00,280 --> 00:01:02,320 Speaker 1: you know, it was rain and it was cold. I'm like, 17 00:01:02,400 --> 00:01:03,640 Speaker 1: we I don't know what we're getting. 18 00:01:04,160 --> 00:01:06,360 Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't know what. And I think that's what 19 00:01:06,520 --> 00:01:08,480 Speaker 3: people get sick. They don't know how to dress. Do 20 00:01:08,560 --> 00:01:12,160 Speaker 3: I do thermal Because it's started off at thirty degrees here, 21 00:01:12,240 --> 00:01:14,920 Speaker 3: by the time one two o'clock, it's eighty degrees and 22 00:01:15,040 --> 00:01:17,679 Speaker 3: we right back down to fifty. We don't know what to. 23 00:01:17,680 --> 00:01:19,560 Speaker 1: Do, right, and I got a silk press. I'm like, 24 00:01:19,560 --> 00:01:21,119 Speaker 1: I might have to put another bus down there. 25 00:01:21,440 --> 00:01:26,479 Speaker 3: You see it? Yeah, no, we can't do no press 26 00:01:26,520 --> 00:01:29,040 Speaker 3: down here because I will sweat it out or Ilmilla 27 00:01:29,080 --> 00:01:34,039 Speaker 3: freeze it out. So like it's today, come on now, yeah, yeah, 28 00:01:34,080 --> 00:01:36,080 Speaker 3: come on, come on, braid at the roof. 29 00:01:36,440 --> 00:01:39,760 Speaker 2: Yes, yes, yeah. 30 00:01:39,800 --> 00:01:42,160 Speaker 1: I feel like this is gonna be a really good conversation. 31 00:01:42,240 --> 00:01:44,240 Speaker 1: We met key keying on and off throughout the day 32 00:01:44,920 --> 00:01:47,760 Speaker 1: and it's just been really, really fun talking to my guest. 33 00:01:47,800 --> 00:01:49,160 Speaker 1: So I'm really excited to have you on. 34 00:01:49,720 --> 00:01:50,520 Speaker 3: Yes, me too. 35 00:01:51,360 --> 00:01:53,840 Speaker 1: Now, how do you think Dayton has evolved over the 36 00:01:53,880 --> 00:01:57,720 Speaker 1: past years, especially with the rise of technology and dating apps? 37 00:02:00,000 --> 00:02:01,639 Speaker 3: Why? Right? 38 00:02:01,920 --> 00:02:06,040 Speaker 1: And so oh we're gonna get into it, because dating 39 00:02:06,120 --> 00:02:08,440 Speaker 1: has changed, well. 40 00:02:08,280 --> 00:02:11,280 Speaker 3: It has, I mean, even especially given that I've had 41 00:02:11,280 --> 00:02:14,320 Speaker 3: a very intimate connection to the online dating it has. 42 00:02:14,480 --> 00:02:18,440 Speaker 3: It's it's I feel like technology has made it to 43 00:02:18,480 --> 00:02:21,919 Speaker 3: where we are more apt to being okay with meeting 44 00:02:21,919 --> 00:02:26,639 Speaker 3: people online because things like social media with Facebook and Instagram, 45 00:02:26,960 --> 00:02:30,720 Speaker 3: we live each other's relationships online. People I haven't seen 46 00:02:30,760 --> 00:02:33,480 Speaker 3: in ten years I still feel like I'm connected because 47 00:02:33,480 --> 00:02:36,640 Speaker 3: I've been able to live their life with them online. Right. 48 00:02:36,919 --> 00:02:38,800 Speaker 3: And then you know, some people would say, well, I 49 00:02:38,800 --> 00:02:40,680 Speaker 3: don't like online dating because I don't know if it's 50 00:02:40,680 --> 00:02:42,080 Speaker 3: going to be the person that I met. Well, you 51 00:02:42,120 --> 00:02:44,280 Speaker 3: can get that with somebody in person. I've met some 52 00:02:44,320 --> 00:02:45,600 Speaker 3: folks that fold. 53 00:02:45,320 --> 00:02:48,440 Speaker 2: Me a couple of them. 54 00:02:48,760 --> 00:02:51,639 Speaker 3: Yeah, so like people can be right in your face 55 00:02:51,680 --> 00:02:55,920 Speaker 3: in line. I unfortunately have had a terrible experience with it, 56 00:02:55,960 --> 00:02:58,240 Speaker 3: and so I'll never deal with it. I actually met 57 00:02:58,240 --> 00:03:01,720 Speaker 3: someone that I didn't want to have an intimate relationship with. 58 00:03:01,840 --> 00:03:04,720 Speaker 3: It was just going to be cordial. It was recommended 59 00:03:04,760 --> 00:03:06,840 Speaker 3: by my therapists because I traveled so much and do 60 00:03:06,919 --> 00:03:09,480 Speaker 3: so much business. I had been in a relationship in 61 00:03:09,520 --> 00:03:12,600 Speaker 3: like four years by choice. She was like, why don't 62 00:03:12,600 --> 00:03:15,080 Speaker 3: you get out there and just go online? Because you 63 00:03:15,200 --> 00:03:18,920 Speaker 3: travel so much with work. I don't necessarily get out 64 00:03:19,000 --> 00:03:21,760 Speaker 3: when I go travel to speak and things of that nature. 65 00:03:22,280 --> 00:03:25,480 Speaker 3: And I'm in Austin with it's not a large black 66 00:03:25,520 --> 00:03:29,400 Speaker 3: population in Austin, so I can literally go days and 67 00:03:29,400 --> 00:03:31,960 Speaker 3: not see a black man. So she was like, go on, 68 00:03:32,639 --> 00:03:36,720 Speaker 3: and so I went online and met someone and three 69 00:03:36,800 --> 00:03:39,520 Speaker 3: days later he ended up kidnapping, torture me. 70 00:03:40,880 --> 00:03:41,680 Speaker 2: I'm gonna get there. 71 00:03:42,560 --> 00:03:45,920 Speaker 3: Yeah. So when I say online dating has changed, like 72 00:03:46,000 --> 00:03:50,720 Speaker 3: you still have to be very very careful, and for 73 00:03:50,840 --> 00:03:52,920 Speaker 3: some people it's worked. I know some people that have 74 00:03:53,040 --> 00:03:56,200 Speaker 3: some very great relationships they're married today they met online. 75 00:03:56,640 --> 00:03:58,920 Speaker 3: And then you have the extremes like me, where it's 76 00:03:58,920 --> 00:03:59,840 Speaker 3: like yeah, I'm good. 77 00:04:00,200 --> 00:04:02,560 Speaker 1: Right, Well, I think you make a really good point because, 78 00:04:02,840 --> 00:04:05,600 Speaker 1: like yourself, you know, my business is growing, so I'm 79 00:04:05,640 --> 00:04:08,440 Speaker 1: just like I'm hustling. And I also have been celibate 80 00:04:08,560 --> 00:04:11,120 Speaker 1: for quite a couple of years, so now I'm like, okay, 81 00:04:11,120 --> 00:04:12,120 Speaker 1: I'm ready to get back out there. 82 00:04:12,120 --> 00:04:13,880 Speaker 2: For like me and God is on the same page. 83 00:04:14,200 --> 00:04:17,080 Speaker 1: But it's hard to like meet people when you're always 84 00:04:17,120 --> 00:04:19,279 Speaker 1: like working, so you think the next best thing is 85 00:04:19,360 --> 00:04:22,680 Speaker 1: online dating, And like your therapists, my therapists even recommend 86 00:04:22,720 --> 00:04:24,799 Speaker 1: the same thing to me or just girlfriends or people 87 00:04:24,839 --> 00:04:26,599 Speaker 1: I know, like you just try because you never know 88 00:04:26,600 --> 00:04:27,159 Speaker 1: who you can. 89 00:04:27,040 --> 00:04:31,240 Speaker 3: Meet, right right, Yeah, And I think you know what 90 00:04:31,279 --> 00:04:34,320 Speaker 3: I've learned from my situation is how to be more 91 00:04:34,360 --> 00:04:37,640 Speaker 3: diligent and alert about people that I allow, even just 92 00:04:37,720 --> 00:04:40,080 Speaker 3: in my sphere, even meeting out and public and things 93 00:04:40,080 --> 00:04:43,039 Speaker 3: of that nature, and to not let your guard down, 94 00:04:44,040 --> 00:04:47,080 Speaker 3: even if you're not like intimately attracted to them, still 95 00:04:47,160 --> 00:04:51,719 Speaker 3: having some level of you know, awareness that this could 96 00:04:51,800 --> 00:04:54,479 Speaker 3: turn south or it could be okay, but just still 97 00:04:54,520 --> 00:04:56,480 Speaker 3: having a protective mindset. 98 00:04:56,480 --> 00:04:58,040 Speaker 2: For the best pair for the words. 99 00:04:58,240 --> 00:05:01,600 Speaker 1: Yeah, but do you think it's for individuals to have 100 00:05:01,640 --> 00:05:03,960 Speaker 1: a genuine connection if they do meet online? 101 00:05:04,720 --> 00:05:07,719 Speaker 3: I do. I feel, especially with women, women tend to 102 00:05:07,720 --> 00:05:10,440 Speaker 3: get emotionally connected before men. We always hear about that. 103 00:05:10,520 --> 00:05:13,760 Speaker 3: You know, women will emotionally cheat before actually physically cheating. 104 00:05:14,640 --> 00:05:18,200 Speaker 3: We tend to be able to build relationships over the phone, 105 00:05:18,240 --> 00:05:20,440 Speaker 3: Like you can have a phone relationship with a woman 106 00:05:20,480 --> 00:05:22,680 Speaker 3: that she fall in love. You can have a text 107 00:05:22,800 --> 00:05:26,120 Speaker 3: relationship and you know, we're being fed what we need. 108 00:05:26,200 --> 00:05:28,760 Speaker 3: We feel like they're seeing us, hearing us. We have 109 00:05:29,200 --> 00:05:32,800 Speaker 3: a conversation. You haven't even touched the person or seen 110 00:05:32,839 --> 00:05:34,919 Speaker 3: them yet, and you've fallen in love with more of 111 00:05:34,920 --> 00:05:39,400 Speaker 3: the emotional intellectual compatibility that you all have. So I 112 00:05:39,440 --> 00:05:43,440 Speaker 3: do feel you can genuinely develop feelings for someone and 113 00:05:43,480 --> 00:05:46,400 Speaker 3: then of course the physical is just that added attraction 114 00:05:46,560 --> 00:05:49,440 Speaker 3: that might be. But if you've already built the emotional 115 00:05:49,480 --> 00:05:54,400 Speaker 3: and mental they don't even have to look good, have 116 00:05:54,440 --> 00:05:59,160 Speaker 3: to be this Coca Cola body shape, and because I 117 00:05:59,200 --> 00:06:01,320 Speaker 3: love the minds and how it makes me feel and 118 00:06:01,360 --> 00:06:04,919 Speaker 3: how he engages me intellectually, all that other stuff. 119 00:06:04,640 --> 00:06:07,479 Speaker 2: Is you know, right, and don't let him have a dollar. 120 00:06:07,800 --> 00:06:11,320 Speaker 3: Right, Oh, and that then we're really working with something. 121 00:06:11,800 --> 00:06:13,040 Speaker 2: Looks don't matter no more. 122 00:06:15,839 --> 00:06:17,799 Speaker 1: Well, how much of an influence do you think social 123 00:06:17,880 --> 00:06:21,280 Speaker 1: media plays on when it comes to Martin data and dynamics. 124 00:06:23,440 --> 00:06:28,080 Speaker 3: I feel there's some false narrative when you deal with 125 00:06:28,120 --> 00:06:30,960 Speaker 3: social media because social media, and I tell people all 126 00:06:30,960 --> 00:06:34,120 Speaker 3: the time, especially when I'm doing sessions, I need you 127 00:06:34,240 --> 00:06:37,359 Speaker 3: not to compare yourself to anything. On social media. A 128 00:06:37,400 --> 00:06:40,360 Speaker 3: lot of individuals will post videos in that same night 129 00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:42,760 Speaker 3: they done broke up. They beat each other side the head. 130 00:06:42,760 --> 00:06:47,840 Speaker 3: They don't even like each other right, or because they 131 00:06:47,880 --> 00:06:51,080 Speaker 3: want attention, or they don't actually have confidence because most 132 00:06:51,120 --> 00:06:53,479 Speaker 3: a lot of narcissistic people are on social media. The 133 00:06:53,480 --> 00:06:55,599 Speaker 3: people that you see every single day, they got to 134 00:06:55,600 --> 00:06:58,440 Speaker 3: picture themselves every single day. They got to picture it 135 00:06:58,480 --> 00:07:00,240 Speaker 3: their couple because they got to show the world they 136 00:07:00,240 --> 00:07:03,040 Speaker 3: in love instead of actually living the life. So I 137 00:07:04,360 --> 00:07:07,640 Speaker 3: hate that. Then people go online and say well, I 138 00:07:07,680 --> 00:07:10,240 Speaker 3: see so and so they always doing something, they always 139 00:07:10,240 --> 00:07:14,440 Speaker 3: look happy, they always but not understanding that within every 140 00:07:14,520 --> 00:07:18,320 Speaker 3: relationship there's work that's there, there's compromise, there's you know, 141 00:07:18,440 --> 00:07:21,400 Speaker 3: sometimes you butt heads, but you make a conscious decision. 142 00:07:21,440 --> 00:07:24,360 Speaker 3: I'm working through with this person, not for the looks, 143 00:07:24,640 --> 00:07:27,080 Speaker 3: but because I actually genuinely like this person and want 144 00:07:27,080 --> 00:07:29,680 Speaker 3: to partner and do life with them. So that's the 145 00:07:29,720 --> 00:07:32,000 Speaker 3: only negative I feel is that social media gives a 146 00:07:32,040 --> 00:07:35,920 Speaker 3: snapshot in time that's normally not always accurate, and how 147 00:07:35,960 --> 00:07:39,360 Speaker 3: you compare yourself to that and like cheat yourself out 148 00:07:39,360 --> 00:07:41,960 Speaker 3: of a good person because you're comparing it to somebody 149 00:07:42,040 --> 00:07:46,200 Speaker 3: you see on social media or other circumstances. 150 00:07:46,360 --> 00:07:48,280 Speaker 2: That's true. We're living in a scary world, man. 151 00:07:49,480 --> 00:07:54,040 Speaker 1: Yeah, But do you feel like the media and dating 152 00:07:54,080 --> 00:07:56,320 Speaker 1: apps they do a good job when it comes to 153 00:07:56,360 --> 00:07:58,920 Speaker 1: awareness about the dangers of the day and apps, because 154 00:07:58,960 --> 00:08:00,720 Speaker 1: I feel like you don't really hear a lot about that. 155 00:08:01,480 --> 00:08:04,080 Speaker 3: No, they might have a little disclaimer if that, but 156 00:08:04,200 --> 00:08:07,040 Speaker 3: most of the ones that I went to, it doesn't 157 00:08:07,080 --> 00:08:10,840 Speaker 3: really talk about the you know, catfishing and how prominent 158 00:08:10,920 --> 00:08:13,400 Speaker 3: that can be. And for those that don't know, catfishing 159 00:08:13,480 --> 00:08:16,440 Speaker 3: is when someone puts a picture that doesn't look like 160 00:08:16,520 --> 00:08:19,120 Speaker 3: them and or might not even be their gender, Like 161 00:08:19,200 --> 00:08:21,440 Speaker 3: we've had that where it's actually a man posing as 162 00:08:21,480 --> 00:08:24,840 Speaker 3: a woman, get you in and then they reveal that, 163 00:08:24,880 --> 00:08:27,920 Speaker 3: Oh no, I'm completely Someone said separate. That's called catfishing. 164 00:08:28,360 --> 00:08:31,120 Speaker 2: But you know how don't have fishing is in this 165 00:08:31,280 --> 00:08:33,480 Speaker 2: day and age and you don't need to be dating that. 166 00:08:33,920 --> 00:08:36,959 Speaker 3: You're right, but just for that younger generation, just think 167 00:08:37,080 --> 00:08:41,000 Speaker 3: a right. But no, I don't feel they do enough. 168 00:08:41,080 --> 00:08:44,320 Speaker 3: They don't talk enough about the dangers or again, if 169 00:08:44,360 --> 00:08:46,360 Speaker 3: you do decide to meet up with someone in person, 170 00:08:46,480 --> 00:08:49,040 Speaker 3: just kind of listing jews and don'ts and what to be. 171 00:08:49,200 --> 00:08:51,079 Speaker 3: They don't really go into that. They feel like you're 172 00:08:51,080 --> 00:08:53,360 Speaker 3: an adult. You got to handle it, do it, deal 173 00:08:53,400 --> 00:08:55,439 Speaker 3: with it on your own. They don't have the liability 174 00:08:55,480 --> 00:08:55,800 Speaker 3: for it. 175 00:08:56,240 --> 00:08:58,040 Speaker 1: So when you're a therapist told well, I guess she 176 00:08:58,160 --> 00:09:00,560 Speaker 1: introduced you to online dating, Like, what were your thoughts 177 00:09:00,720 --> 00:09:02,560 Speaker 1: because you never did it before? Or have any of 178 00:09:02,559 --> 00:09:04,040 Speaker 1: your friends told you about it as well? 179 00:09:04,520 --> 00:09:07,200 Speaker 3: Yeah? And I mean I probably when I was younger, 180 00:09:07,200 --> 00:09:09,800 Speaker 3: I might have had a page up. I think back 181 00:09:09,840 --> 00:09:11,559 Speaker 3: in the day black planet. 182 00:09:12,120 --> 00:09:13,360 Speaker 2: I would say black plant Planet. 183 00:09:13,600 --> 00:09:16,040 Speaker 3: Yeah, that was back in the day. I think I 184 00:09:16,120 --> 00:09:18,320 Speaker 3: might have had a profile for two three days and 185 00:09:18,400 --> 00:09:21,720 Speaker 3: I was done. Like, I was never an active online 186 00:09:21,840 --> 00:09:25,400 Speaker 3: dating app person period, But when she brought it back 187 00:09:25,480 --> 00:09:29,680 Speaker 3: up to me a couple of years ago, I hadn't been. 188 00:09:29,800 --> 00:09:31,760 Speaker 3: I didn't even know all the sites that were out there. 189 00:09:31,760 --> 00:09:34,920 Speaker 3: Of course dot Com, some of the ones that have commercials. 190 00:09:35,320 --> 00:09:37,480 Speaker 3: You hear the tender jokes, which I knew I wasn't 191 00:09:37,480 --> 00:09:40,840 Speaker 3: gonna want to do that because it's known for hooking up. Okay, well, 192 00:09:40,880 --> 00:09:44,479 Speaker 3: then I'm out the door on that night. Yeah. Facebook 193 00:09:44,520 --> 00:09:47,959 Speaker 3: had just dropped their dating app that was the one 194 00:09:48,320 --> 00:09:50,280 Speaker 3: and I and at first I was weary. But what 195 00:09:50,360 --> 00:09:53,559 Speaker 3: I noticed was that you could do their dating app 196 00:09:53,600 --> 00:09:55,760 Speaker 3: and none of your friends would see that you're on it, 197 00:09:56,040 --> 00:09:57,280 Speaker 3: so it wouldn't be anything. 198 00:09:57,320 --> 00:09:59,000 Speaker 2: That's a fact. That's a fact. 199 00:09:59,120 --> 00:10:02,600 Speaker 3: Yeah. And then the people that they originally were sending 200 00:10:02,640 --> 00:10:06,679 Speaker 3: me were like engineers, I'm veterans, pair of legals. So 201 00:10:06,720 --> 00:10:10,080 Speaker 3: I was like, oh, okay, they're sending me professionals to 202 00:10:10,160 --> 00:10:12,840 Speaker 3: kind of match the fact that I'm a professional. I 203 00:10:12,840 --> 00:10:14,640 Speaker 3: don't need a whole bunch of self employed. You know, 204 00:10:14,720 --> 00:10:16,400 Speaker 3: most guys I ain't got no job. 205 00:10:17,080 --> 00:10:22,160 Speaker 1: Health employe's a lot of times there, I'm just saying 206 00:10:22,720 --> 00:10:23,199 Speaker 1: a lot. 207 00:10:23,040 --> 00:10:27,760 Speaker 3: Of timmies the red flags. But they were sending me 208 00:10:27,840 --> 00:10:30,679 Speaker 3: professional people, and so I was like, oh, well, maybe 209 00:10:30,720 --> 00:10:34,160 Speaker 3: I can just entertain conversation even if it's just online, 210 00:10:34,559 --> 00:10:36,920 Speaker 3: not necessarily that I have to take it to in person. 211 00:10:38,000 --> 00:10:41,199 Speaker 3: But I wasn't like really weary at first. I was like, oh, 212 00:10:41,240 --> 00:10:43,200 Speaker 3: this actually looks like it's pretty decent. 213 00:10:43,760 --> 00:10:46,280 Speaker 2: So what caught your attention on his profile? 214 00:10:46,760 --> 00:10:50,120 Speaker 1: It made you want to go out and date with him? 215 00:10:50,280 --> 00:10:57,000 Speaker 3: Well, there was nothing. I don't feel, Yeah, because I 216 00:10:57,120 --> 00:10:59,800 Speaker 3: was kind of dabbling with a few folks that you know, 217 00:10:59,840 --> 00:11:01,960 Speaker 3: they reach out. I think he actually reached out to 218 00:11:02,000 --> 00:11:05,480 Speaker 3: me to say, hey, I like your profile. And I 219 00:11:05,520 --> 00:11:07,640 Speaker 3: had like three or four people on there that you 220 00:11:07,720 --> 00:11:10,440 Speaker 3: just start little conversations and see if it's gonna go anywhere. 221 00:11:10,960 --> 00:11:12,920 Speaker 3: And it was only about three or four days in. 222 00:11:13,040 --> 00:11:15,480 Speaker 3: Because he was local, he was like, hey, you know 223 00:11:15,840 --> 00:11:19,400 Speaker 3: there's a place which wasn't far from me, would you 224 00:11:19,480 --> 00:11:22,840 Speaker 3: like to just grab dinner? You know, it wasn't It 225 00:11:22,880 --> 00:11:24,240 Speaker 3: was every nonchalant. 226 00:11:24,440 --> 00:11:28,960 Speaker 1: Yeah, right, So did he mention anything about his personal 227 00:11:29,000 --> 00:11:31,440 Speaker 1: life or work or anything that seem out of the 228 00:11:31,520 --> 00:11:32,439 Speaker 1: or why are you smelling? 229 00:11:33,960 --> 00:11:36,679 Speaker 3: No, I just you know, because come to find out, 230 00:11:36,679 --> 00:11:39,440 Speaker 3: the narrative that he gave almost none of it was true. 231 00:11:39,559 --> 00:11:44,120 Speaker 3: So when we did actually meet for dinner again, once 232 00:11:44,160 --> 00:11:45,720 Speaker 3: I saw him in person, I knew then I didn't 233 00:11:45,760 --> 00:11:48,360 Speaker 3: want to like date him, Like I knew that was established. 234 00:11:48,600 --> 00:11:54,480 Speaker 4: He wasn't my type like that, he was like my height, 235 00:11:54,760 --> 00:11:57,679 Speaker 4: and you know, I just I was good like it 236 00:11:57,840 --> 00:12:00,000 Speaker 4: wasn't somebody and I just wasn't physical. 237 00:12:00,280 --> 00:12:03,600 Speaker 3: There was no chemistry to I see somebody. 238 00:12:03,400 --> 00:12:05,719 Speaker 2: Like, oh, if you know when you got chemistry with 239 00:12:05,760 --> 00:12:06,800 Speaker 2: somebody r. 240 00:12:07,000 --> 00:12:09,880 Speaker 3: You typically know when you're right within there if there's something. 241 00:12:10,240 --> 00:12:13,080 Speaker 3: But he was great conversation. So when we were sitting there, 242 00:12:13,200 --> 00:12:15,400 Speaker 3: he was saying it was from Nigeria that he used 243 00:12:15,400 --> 00:12:19,120 Speaker 3: to be a lawyer. In Nigeria, he moved to the 244 00:12:19,559 --> 00:12:22,240 Speaker 3: and became a solicitor, which all of that makes sense 245 00:12:22,360 --> 00:12:25,440 Speaker 3: because the transition and when he got to the US, 246 00:12:25,760 --> 00:12:27,480 Speaker 3: which he has an eight year old son, he said 247 00:12:27,520 --> 00:12:29,360 Speaker 3: here and he came back to the US to be 248 00:12:29,480 --> 00:12:33,360 Speaker 3: with him, and he was a paralegal because once you 249 00:12:33,440 --> 00:12:34,880 Speaker 3: come to the US, you have to get that all 250 00:12:34,920 --> 00:12:38,480 Speaker 3: over again. It doesn't travel on transfer, right, yeah, saying 251 00:12:38,520 --> 00:12:42,000 Speaker 3: his brother is the king of this tribe in Nigeria 252 00:12:42,080 --> 00:12:45,160 Speaker 3: and pulling out pictures of his mom in you know, 253 00:12:45,320 --> 00:12:47,280 Speaker 3: the traditional headdress. 254 00:12:46,800 --> 00:12:48,720 Speaker 2: And oh he goes going all the way out. 255 00:12:48,880 --> 00:12:51,719 Speaker 3: Honey, Like you know, he was talking while he's this 256 00:12:51,800 --> 00:12:54,400 Speaker 3: great person. He hadn't been in a relationship in five years, 257 00:12:54,440 --> 00:12:56,120 Speaker 3: and he just was looking to meet people to be 258 00:12:56,240 --> 00:12:59,920 Speaker 3: friends with, you know, And he found me based on 259 00:13:01,080 --> 00:13:02,920 Speaker 3: if you google me, you can see that I have 260 00:13:03,040 --> 00:13:06,360 Speaker 3: a long record of doing positive things, right, So it's 261 00:13:06,440 --> 00:13:10,040 Speaker 3: not like I'm not known in that regard, so he 262 00:13:10,080 --> 00:13:12,480 Speaker 3: could see I was about my business. He did this. 263 00:13:12,679 --> 00:13:14,560 Speaker 2: Do you think he kind of like, what's the word 264 00:13:14,640 --> 00:13:15,600 Speaker 2: like scouted you out. 265 00:13:16,679 --> 00:13:19,600 Speaker 3: Yeah, we're gonna get to that. But ye, that initial 266 00:13:21,000 --> 00:13:25,000 Speaker 3: sit down that we have for dinner, that's what it was. 267 00:13:25,160 --> 00:13:28,360 Speaker 3: Just he was actually pleasant. I actually remember calling my 268 00:13:28,440 --> 00:13:32,200 Speaker 3: aunt afterwards and saying, Wow, he was actually somebody pleasant 269 00:13:32,280 --> 00:13:36,320 Speaker 3: to just talk with. Well, yeah, watching the game or whatever, 270 00:13:36,480 --> 00:13:39,800 Speaker 3: And I said, he cooks ethnic foods, and that's actually 271 00:13:39,840 --> 00:13:42,160 Speaker 3: what got me excited, what led me into my issue 272 00:13:42,360 --> 00:13:45,160 Speaker 3: that ended up happening. But I was born and raised 273 00:13:45,160 --> 00:13:51,000 Speaker 3: in Springfield, Massachusetts and so I've been around Haitian, Dominic, 274 00:13:51,120 --> 00:13:53,040 Speaker 3: Puerto Rican, Jamaican. 275 00:13:52,720 --> 00:13:53,920 Speaker 2: All the West Indian foods. 276 00:13:54,400 --> 00:13:57,880 Speaker 3: Oh my gosh, just that culture of great food and 277 00:13:58,320 --> 00:14:00,199 Speaker 3: moving to Texas is really. 278 00:14:02,000 --> 00:14:02,480 Speaker 2: In the South. 279 00:14:03,480 --> 00:14:05,920 Speaker 3: You know, it's it's hit a miss down here. And 280 00:14:06,040 --> 00:14:08,079 Speaker 3: so when he said he was bringing up all the 281 00:14:08,200 --> 00:14:10,240 Speaker 3: foods and he's talking about the culture that I'm used 282 00:14:10,280 --> 00:14:11,679 Speaker 3: and he was like, yeah, I cook this, that and that, 283 00:14:11,840 --> 00:14:13,959 Speaker 3: I was like what. I was like, I gotta get 284 00:14:14,000 --> 00:14:17,040 Speaker 3: a plate. So he had hooked me with Okay, well 285 00:14:17,080 --> 00:14:20,560 Speaker 3: we'll stay in contact because I want to play. But 286 00:14:20,880 --> 00:14:23,640 Speaker 3: you know, it was I didn't have any guard to 287 00:14:23,720 --> 00:14:27,320 Speaker 3: him because he just seemed so cool, so relaxed, and 288 00:14:27,440 --> 00:14:29,720 Speaker 3: because I knew it wasn't something I wanted to take 289 00:14:29,840 --> 00:14:32,800 Speaker 3: more than just having good conversation with somebody maybe watching 290 00:14:32,840 --> 00:14:33,640 Speaker 3: the game every now and. 291 00:14:33,680 --> 00:14:34,720 Speaker 2: Again, all right, just a friend. 292 00:14:35,520 --> 00:14:38,520 Speaker 3: Yeah. I didn't have no intenna at all about it. 293 00:14:39,200 --> 00:14:40,760 Speaker 2: So did y'all go out again or. 294 00:14:42,360 --> 00:14:48,520 Speaker 3: You know? So we met on that Thursday for dinner 295 00:14:48,800 --> 00:14:52,560 Speaker 3: for an hour, and then the next I wasn't potentially 296 00:14:52,600 --> 00:14:55,840 Speaker 3: supposed to see him until Sunday. So Sunday there was 297 00:14:55,880 --> 00:14:59,440 Speaker 3: a game coming on because we were in it was 298 00:14:59,520 --> 00:15:02,760 Speaker 3: an NFL playoff time, and so I was like, well, 299 00:15:03,200 --> 00:15:05,040 Speaker 3: you know, if you want, we can shoot some pool 300 00:15:05,120 --> 00:15:07,760 Speaker 3: and watch the game on Sunday. And again, my goal 301 00:15:07,880 --> 00:15:10,600 Speaker 3: was to have everything be public. You know, we can 302 00:15:10,680 --> 00:15:14,240 Speaker 3: do something where it don't seem intimate, right right. But 303 00:15:14,480 --> 00:15:17,400 Speaker 3: that next day, while I was preparing taxes because I 304 00:15:17,440 --> 00:15:22,160 Speaker 3: also do taxes while I'm gearing up for the season, 305 00:15:22,480 --> 00:15:24,760 Speaker 3: he calls me and said, hey, I just cooked this dish. 306 00:15:24,840 --> 00:15:28,560 Speaker 3: That dish on your way to meet with your pastor 307 00:15:28,640 --> 00:15:31,080 Speaker 3: to drop off these items for the homeless. Why don't 308 00:15:31,080 --> 00:15:33,160 Speaker 3: you stop buying? Just scoop it. Scoop up a play. 309 00:15:33,640 --> 00:15:39,200 Speaker 3: And I was like, like, the because everything the night 310 00:15:39,280 --> 00:15:45,040 Speaker 3: before went decent. You know, I'm not there's nothing, and 311 00:15:45,120 --> 00:15:47,640 Speaker 3: I even had a one piece like I'm zipped up 312 00:15:47,720 --> 00:15:51,480 Speaker 3: with a jacket baseball right, and like I'm not even 313 00:15:51,640 --> 00:15:56,320 Speaker 3: looking like right right, right, right right, like I want 314 00:15:56,360 --> 00:16:01,440 Speaker 3: to do anything right right for all behind went And 315 00:16:01,680 --> 00:16:04,280 Speaker 3: so I went over there to get a plate, and 316 00:16:05,600 --> 00:16:08,120 Speaker 3: you know, I wasn't able to leave for the next 317 00:16:08,200 --> 00:16:15,160 Speaker 3: two hours. And it was one of the most one 318 00:16:15,240 --> 00:16:17,600 Speaker 3: of the most detrimental experiences of my life. And I've 319 00:16:17,640 --> 00:16:22,640 Speaker 3: been trafficked and so what's crazy is I've been trafficked 320 00:16:22,920 --> 00:16:28,160 Speaker 3: by my mom when I was an adolescent for three years, 321 00:16:28,400 --> 00:16:31,440 Speaker 3: and my oldest son is a product of that trafficking. 322 00:16:31,480 --> 00:16:33,000 Speaker 3: I had him at fifteen. 323 00:16:32,680 --> 00:16:35,240 Speaker 2: By one of her drug dealers, right, yes, by one of. 324 00:16:35,240 --> 00:16:39,440 Speaker 3: Her drug dealers at that time. And so I've been 325 00:16:39,520 --> 00:16:43,920 Speaker 3: exposed to habitual sexual violence between child sexual assault by 326 00:16:44,000 --> 00:16:46,440 Speaker 3: my father to my mother pimping me out to then 327 00:16:47,120 --> 00:16:51,480 Speaker 3: that led to being into several domestic violent relationships, not 328 00:16:51,680 --> 00:16:54,200 Speaker 3: knowing my value or worth coming out of that one 329 00:16:54,960 --> 00:16:56,640 Speaker 3: when I was thirty six, where I was in an 330 00:16:56,640 --> 00:16:59,720 Speaker 3: oppressive relationship. That's why I went the stretch that I 331 00:16:59,800 --> 00:17:04,320 Speaker 3: went without being I realized at that point it's not them, 332 00:17:04,400 --> 00:17:09,040 Speaker 3: it's me. For me that I need to be able 333 00:17:09,119 --> 00:17:11,080 Speaker 3: to have the courage and strength to walk away from 334 00:17:11,160 --> 00:17:13,080 Speaker 3: red flags when I see them and not try to 335 00:17:13,119 --> 00:17:16,280 Speaker 3: be captain save a whole every time I get back inside, 336 00:17:17,240 --> 00:17:19,000 Speaker 3: or like I tell people I had to build a 337 00:17:19,040 --> 00:17:21,280 Speaker 3: bear spirit, I can build a man up and getting 338 00:17:21,320 --> 00:17:25,880 Speaker 3: ready to tell and he gone for the next one. Financially, 339 00:17:26,400 --> 00:17:29,840 Speaker 3: I'm depleted intellectually, you know. I feel like all I've 340 00:17:29,880 --> 00:17:32,440 Speaker 3: been is a transaction which I tell people all the time. 341 00:17:33,080 --> 00:17:36,480 Speaker 3: My mother helped to redefine my identity as currency, because 342 00:17:36,520 --> 00:17:39,400 Speaker 3: that's all I saw myself as was how much could 343 00:17:39,480 --> 00:17:43,120 Speaker 3: I get to take care of my family, to pay 344 00:17:43,160 --> 00:17:46,200 Speaker 3: the bills or do whatever it's necessary so that we're 345 00:17:46,280 --> 00:17:51,280 Speaker 3: not homeless. And here I am finally getting out to day. 346 00:17:52,280 --> 00:17:55,040 Speaker 3: I don't have no blinders on. I don't none of that. 347 00:17:55,160 --> 00:17:57,280 Speaker 3: I should have had all of it on. And he 348 00:17:57,560 --> 00:18:01,720 Speaker 3: just decided that no, what wasn't an answer. He decided 349 00:18:01,760 --> 00:18:04,800 Speaker 3: that me leaving wasn't an option until I was able 350 00:18:04,880 --> 00:18:07,520 Speaker 3: to find the right moment that I was able to 351 00:18:07,600 --> 00:18:11,760 Speaker 3: physically defend myself to get away and get out. But that, 352 00:18:12,080 --> 00:18:15,320 Speaker 3: honestly wasn't the worst of it for me. It was 353 00:18:16,640 --> 00:18:19,600 Speaker 3: after I got out of this he then harassed me 354 00:18:19,920 --> 00:18:22,240 Speaker 3: horrifically and then got other people involved as well. 355 00:18:22,359 --> 00:18:25,399 Speaker 2: I find out who's the other people, some. 356 00:18:25,800 --> 00:18:30,560 Speaker 3: Random people in his Nigerian network, Chad, This ain't gonna 357 00:18:30,720 --> 00:18:34,000 Speaker 3: make the Nigerian men look good, man, It's not, And 358 00:18:34,119 --> 00:18:35,879 Speaker 3: I don't care because I'm not here to pease their 359 00:18:35,960 --> 00:18:37,159 Speaker 3: reputation because I know it. 360 00:18:38,359 --> 00:18:42,880 Speaker 1: But I always hear this narrative of them or them 361 00:18:43,000 --> 00:18:44,920 Speaker 1: just being scammers and liars and stuff. 362 00:18:45,800 --> 00:18:47,640 Speaker 3: So then this ain't gonna help. What I'm gonna say 363 00:18:47,680 --> 00:18:51,879 Speaker 3: next that after this incident, and he still kept harassing me, 364 00:18:52,359 --> 00:18:56,320 Speaker 3: and my therapist really encouraging me to report it because 365 00:18:56,359 --> 00:18:59,200 Speaker 3: I wasn't going to because I just know the systems 366 00:18:59,400 --> 00:19:02,040 Speaker 3: and how they work. But after I reported it, I 367 00:19:02,119 --> 00:19:04,639 Speaker 3: started doing my own research on who he was. 368 00:19:14,600 --> 00:19:16,400 Speaker 2: But wait, before we get there, I want to ask 369 00:19:16,440 --> 00:19:16,920 Speaker 2: you a question. 370 00:19:17,400 --> 00:19:19,920 Speaker 1: When you got to his house and you're eating a food, 371 00:19:19,960 --> 00:19:22,359 Speaker 1: you're comfortable, you're chilling, did you notice anything like did 372 00:19:22,359 --> 00:19:24,840 Speaker 1: you notice that something was about the something was about 373 00:19:24,880 --> 00:19:26,760 Speaker 1: to turn left? Or it was still like he had 374 00:19:26,760 --> 00:19:28,520 Speaker 1: a pleasant demeanor and things of that nature. 375 00:19:29,200 --> 00:19:33,080 Speaker 3: Right, So it started off very pleasant, making a plate, 376 00:19:33,160 --> 00:19:35,800 Speaker 3: getting the plate, putting the food over. You know, I'm 377 00:19:35,840 --> 00:19:38,560 Speaker 3: sitting down, getting ready to He was like, well, here's 378 00:19:38,560 --> 00:19:41,120 Speaker 3: a little bike before you go, and then he packaged 379 00:19:41,160 --> 00:19:43,760 Speaker 3: the rest and put some cookies in. And then it 380 00:19:43,880 --> 00:19:46,399 Speaker 3: shifted when he came around from the other side of 381 00:19:46,440 --> 00:19:49,000 Speaker 3: the island to give me a hug that I didn't 382 00:19:49,040 --> 00:19:54,520 Speaker 3: want or you know, press upon me. Pretty relentless. He 383 00:19:54,640 --> 00:19:58,920 Speaker 3: was very relentless, and so my personal space was a 384 00:19:59,040 --> 00:20:01,280 Speaker 3: no go. And then it just went from one extreme 385 00:20:01,400 --> 00:20:05,520 Speaker 3: to the next to try to get it to where 386 00:20:05,560 --> 00:20:07,600 Speaker 3: I could not be in a predicament to fight back 387 00:20:07,680 --> 00:20:10,880 Speaker 3: for myself or have the energy or the emotional bandwidth 388 00:20:11,000 --> 00:20:14,560 Speaker 3: to do it. So it started off like that and 389 00:20:14,680 --> 00:20:16,040 Speaker 3: then it just snapped. 390 00:20:16,240 --> 00:20:19,359 Speaker 2: But how did you maintain composure, especially during the times 391 00:20:19,400 --> 00:20:20,560 Speaker 2: of uncertainty? 392 00:20:21,960 --> 00:20:26,480 Speaker 3: I tell people, Unfortunately, being a survivor, I have had 393 00:20:26,560 --> 00:20:31,040 Speaker 3: to learn survival skills, and especially being trafficked at thirteen, 394 00:20:31,200 --> 00:20:34,600 Speaker 3: where I am literally the main breadwinner for a family 395 00:20:34,800 --> 00:20:37,200 Speaker 3: of four. At this time, I was taking care of 396 00:20:37,320 --> 00:20:40,040 Speaker 3: my two younger brothers my mom had and her and me, 397 00:20:40,800 --> 00:20:44,680 Speaker 3: and so I have had to be very resilient. I 398 00:20:44,840 --> 00:20:47,840 Speaker 3: know how to compartmentalize. I can put on a gang face. 399 00:20:48,040 --> 00:20:51,000 Speaker 3: I know how I with my face, if that makes 400 00:20:51,040 --> 00:20:55,679 Speaker 3: sense on the mass. And it's unfortunate because this incident 401 00:20:55,800 --> 00:20:58,080 Speaker 3: has completely broken me down to where I'm no longer 402 00:20:58,160 --> 00:21:04,120 Speaker 3: able to do that. That that once was very prevalent 403 00:21:04,480 --> 00:21:06,520 Speaker 3: is no longer she is. I'm going through what's called 404 00:21:06,560 --> 00:21:09,159 Speaker 3: an identity crisis now trying to figure out who this 405 00:21:09,440 --> 00:21:12,600 Speaker 3: news is because I really don't know her just yet. 406 00:21:13,160 --> 00:21:17,879 Speaker 3: But old could do what's necessary to get out alive, 407 00:21:18,200 --> 00:21:21,040 Speaker 3: and my whole concept was I don't want to make 408 00:21:21,119 --> 00:21:25,440 Speaker 3: him overly upset because I don't know what other physical 409 00:21:25,520 --> 00:21:28,000 Speaker 3: I don't know he has a gun, Texas is to survive. 410 00:21:28,640 --> 00:21:33,160 Speaker 3: I mean literally, I'm trying to like quail him down 411 00:21:33,200 --> 00:21:37,159 Speaker 3: a bit so that I can have latitude to outmaneuver him, 412 00:21:37,160 --> 00:21:39,120 Speaker 3: which I ended up having to do so I could 413 00:21:39,200 --> 00:21:42,879 Speaker 3: get out eventually. But after that a lot of the 414 00:21:43,400 --> 00:21:47,440 Speaker 3: horrible things had already transpired. But sometimes getting overly violent, 415 00:21:47,560 --> 00:21:50,520 Speaker 3: depending on your situation, is not good. Sometimes you try 416 00:21:50,560 --> 00:21:53,399 Speaker 3: to negotiate your way out. So I was trying to 417 00:21:53,480 --> 00:21:58,080 Speaker 3: negotiate my way out whatever I could do to get out. 418 00:21:58,200 --> 00:22:02,200 Speaker 3: So it's not so much that I just knew how 419 00:22:02,400 --> 00:22:05,480 Speaker 3: to hold my composure. It was just instinctual for me 420 00:22:05,640 --> 00:22:06,240 Speaker 3: to survive. 421 00:22:06,520 --> 00:22:08,320 Speaker 2: Yeah, do you blame yourself for this? 422 00:22:09,320 --> 00:22:13,480 Speaker 3: I did. I don't know. Yeah, I'm getting to a 423 00:22:13,640 --> 00:22:18,240 Speaker 3: point because it's not your fault. It's not. But I still, 424 00:22:18,840 --> 00:22:21,240 Speaker 3: you know, my trial just ended. Like the last portion 425 00:22:21,400 --> 00:22:24,240 Speaker 3: of my trial was December fourteenth, so I'm fresh out 426 00:22:24,280 --> 00:22:28,120 Speaker 3: of this. The trial November thirteenth through the sixteenth, where 427 00:22:28,160 --> 00:22:30,680 Speaker 3: the jury then convicted him, But then the judge said 428 00:22:30,680 --> 00:22:32,680 Speaker 3: that oh, well, he doesn't need to be remanded, and 429 00:22:32,800 --> 00:22:35,240 Speaker 3: he never showed back up for sentencing, So my perpetrator 430 00:22:35,320 --> 00:22:38,560 Speaker 3: is out there, and even a sentence to ten years. 431 00:22:39,040 --> 00:22:42,600 Speaker 3: Thanks to the judge, he's free. And so I still 432 00:22:42,800 --> 00:22:47,040 Speaker 3: have to have alertness around me about how I moved, 433 00:22:47,280 --> 00:22:50,159 Speaker 3: and so there's still a level of I can't have 434 00:22:50,320 --> 00:22:53,520 Speaker 3: closure to this because it's still very open. And yes, 435 00:22:53,640 --> 00:22:56,240 Speaker 3: I feel like, you know, what did I miss? Like 436 00:22:56,320 --> 00:23:00,440 Speaker 3: those are the things that survivors always look back missed. 437 00:23:00,520 --> 00:23:04,719 Speaker 3: Something should not have not been as trusting or open 438 00:23:04,920 --> 00:23:06,879 Speaker 3: or you know, you can't say that because I know 439 00:23:07,040 --> 00:23:09,200 Speaker 3: some people that I dealt with that I knew then 440 00:23:09,320 --> 00:23:10,160 Speaker 3: for months. 441 00:23:10,080 --> 00:23:13,000 Speaker 2: And then they never know what you're getting, yes, right, 442 00:23:13,160 --> 00:23:13,800 Speaker 2: you know, we. 443 00:23:13,920 --> 00:23:17,040 Speaker 3: Know married couples that were in relationships and married for 444 00:23:17,200 --> 00:23:20,640 Speaker 3: years and their about snaps and kills them or something 445 00:23:20,720 --> 00:23:22,720 Speaker 3: that you would have never thought they would have done. So, 446 00:23:23,600 --> 00:23:26,760 Speaker 3: you know, you try to walk yourself back off a 447 00:23:26,880 --> 00:23:29,280 Speaker 3: ledge of putting it all on you because he was 448 00:23:29,359 --> 00:23:32,439 Speaker 3: responsible for his own actions, and nothing that I did 449 00:23:32,560 --> 00:23:35,760 Speaker 3: that night allowed you to understand or think that I 450 00:23:35,920 --> 00:23:38,880 Speaker 3: wanted what happened to me. So that's when I start 451 00:23:38,960 --> 00:23:42,600 Speaker 3: to remove myself from the guilt component because I did 452 00:23:42,680 --> 00:23:45,600 Speaker 3: not do anything to allow you to feel you could 453 00:23:46,119 --> 00:23:47,840 Speaker 3: take advantage of me the way that you did. 454 00:23:48,119 --> 00:23:50,480 Speaker 1: Right, So, I know you mentioned earlier that you wasn't 455 00:23:50,480 --> 00:23:52,520 Speaker 1: going to press charges, So what made you want to 456 00:23:52,520 --> 00:23:54,040 Speaker 1: press charges afterwards? 457 00:23:54,720 --> 00:23:59,040 Speaker 3: Oh? I wasn't I remember I told at the time 458 00:23:59,119 --> 00:24:02,360 Speaker 3: she was one of my best friend friends, and she said, 459 00:24:02,359 --> 00:24:03,639 Speaker 3: so are you going to the police? I said no. 460 00:24:04,960 --> 00:24:08,680 Speaker 3: I said, you know, I was the state wide facilitator 461 00:24:08,760 --> 00:24:11,720 Speaker 3: for the Human Trafficking Survivor Leadership Council. I know how 462 00:24:11,840 --> 00:24:15,200 Speaker 3: this does not work for us, and I'm Black, so 463 00:24:15,359 --> 00:24:17,280 Speaker 3: let me. I'm going to be a woman with it, 464 00:24:17,880 --> 00:24:22,240 Speaker 3: because I cannot dismiss the fact that we are seen 465 00:24:22,480 --> 00:24:27,560 Speaker 3: with an innate bias in systems. And I said, I 466 00:24:27,720 --> 00:24:29,639 Speaker 3: just don't want to go. I just don't want to 467 00:24:29,680 --> 00:24:34,480 Speaker 3: go through it. But I ended up getting sickly behind it. 468 00:24:34,640 --> 00:24:36,840 Speaker 3: And I was at the neurologist that Monday. So this 469 00:24:37,040 --> 00:24:40,640 Speaker 3: happened on a Friday evening. By Monday, I was at 470 00:24:40,800 --> 00:24:44,880 Speaker 3: my neurologist and he was like my real real outcry too, 471 00:24:45,280 --> 00:24:50,040 Speaker 3: and I ended up getting sick and then he said, 472 00:24:50,160 --> 00:24:52,080 Speaker 3: you know, you need to go to your therapist. You know, 473 00:24:52,520 --> 00:24:54,920 Speaker 3: you need to see her and talk through this, because 474 00:24:55,040 --> 00:24:57,879 Speaker 3: you this is not good. I was diagnosed with PTSD, 475 00:24:58,040 --> 00:25:00,320 Speaker 3: I was diagnosed with all this other stuff. So I 476 00:25:00,400 --> 00:25:03,680 Speaker 3: went to her that Tuesday and I could not look 477 00:25:03,720 --> 00:25:06,399 Speaker 3: her in the face. This is somebody that I highly respect. 478 00:25:06,440 --> 00:25:08,920 Speaker 3: Her name is Cheryl Alexander. She helped pull me out of, 479 00:25:09,760 --> 00:25:12,000 Speaker 3: you know, a dark place in twenty sixteen. When I 480 00:25:12,080 --> 00:25:16,040 Speaker 3: got out of that last kind of toxic relationship. She said, 481 00:25:16,200 --> 00:25:20,280 Speaker 3: you have a mantra, get loud, get out. You speak 482 00:25:20,480 --> 00:25:24,240 Speaker 3: to survivors of domestic violence, sexual assault, and human traffic 483 00:25:24,280 --> 00:25:26,560 Speaker 3: because you've survived all of them, and you tell them 484 00:25:27,000 --> 00:25:31,520 Speaker 3: to whole perpetrators accountable because unless we continue to do that, 485 00:25:31,840 --> 00:25:35,040 Speaker 3: they'll feel and able to continue to do what we do. 486 00:25:35,920 --> 00:25:41,040 Speaker 3: And so I left her office in tears, drove myself 487 00:25:41,119 --> 00:25:46,160 Speaker 3: to the police station and went in there by myself 488 00:25:46,320 --> 00:25:49,000 Speaker 3: with a wall of nothing but white people on every side. 489 00:25:49,000 --> 00:25:51,280 Speaker 3: And I talk about that all the time, even going 490 00:25:51,440 --> 00:25:53,600 Speaker 3: into the law enforcements a lot I did. 491 00:25:54,520 --> 00:25:57,280 Speaker 2: I was like, I'm surprised you ain't have a panic attack. 492 00:25:58,520 --> 00:26:02,280 Speaker 3: No, I had more of They're not gonna hear me, 493 00:26:03,640 --> 00:26:06,040 Speaker 3: They're not gonna believe me, I'm wasting my time. But 494 00:26:06,160 --> 00:26:07,879 Speaker 3: it was actually even worse than what I thought. My 495 00:26:08,000 --> 00:26:11,639 Speaker 3: experience was even worse than that. It just I was 496 00:26:11,720 --> 00:26:16,119 Speaker 3: failed by the health care system, by law enforcement, by 497 00:26:16,160 --> 00:26:19,719 Speaker 3: the judicial system, by the prosecution and advocates, like by 498 00:26:19,760 --> 00:26:25,200 Speaker 3: the health care system, because the healthcare system, which is 499 00:26:25,280 --> 00:26:27,280 Speaker 3: a place that we're supposed to go if we get 500 00:26:27,400 --> 00:26:30,680 Speaker 3: the same exams, which is the sexual assault exams that 501 00:26:30,840 --> 00:26:33,879 Speaker 3: happen afterwards, or like again, when you're going to the 502 00:26:34,000 --> 00:26:36,680 Speaker 3: doctors and you're letting them know you have these things 503 00:26:36,760 --> 00:26:40,680 Speaker 3: going on, what resources do they lend to you? So 504 00:26:41,200 --> 00:26:45,000 Speaker 3: I look at my personal position was phenomenal, you know, 505 00:26:45,200 --> 00:26:47,920 Speaker 3: even gave me a hug, like he was very personal 506 00:26:47,960 --> 00:26:51,359 Speaker 3: because I've had a great relationship with him. But in 507 00:26:51,560 --> 00:26:55,399 Speaker 3: this space, when you let law enforcement know they have 508 00:26:55,560 --> 00:26:58,920 Speaker 3: a network that's supposed to reach out to survivors, none 509 00:26:59,000 --> 00:27:00,960 Speaker 3: of them reached out to me. It was two months 510 00:27:01,080 --> 00:27:04,639 Speaker 3: before I had an advocate from the prosecution, just and 511 00:27:04,760 --> 00:27:07,879 Speaker 3: that was after I asked like, hey, like, like you 512 00:27:07,960 --> 00:27:10,680 Speaker 3: don't have local resource, what are we doing victim services? 513 00:27:11,680 --> 00:27:15,600 Speaker 3: And they sent me a sheet that literally had three 514 00:27:15,720 --> 00:27:19,000 Speaker 3: names on it, two of which don't even take services 515 00:27:19,040 --> 00:27:21,679 Speaker 3: from the victim services, from our Attorney General's office. 516 00:27:21,440 --> 00:27:22,120 Speaker 2: So what's the point? 517 00:27:23,280 --> 00:27:25,840 Speaker 3: None of them that looked like me. So now you're 518 00:27:25,880 --> 00:27:29,320 Speaker 3: not even making sure that someone that's of color can 519 00:27:29,440 --> 00:27:32,560 Speaker 3: feel in a safe place or comfortable with having representation. 520 00:27:33,920 --> 00:27:36,000 Speaker 3: But it's just a follow up. I mean, it's just 521 00:27:37,359 --> 00:27:39,159 Speaker 3: you know, you don't feel seen. I didn't see a 522 00:27:39,200 --> 00:27:42,600 Speaker 3: black person until the bailiff of my trial two years later. 523 00:27:43,119 --> 00:27:47,119 Speaker 3: So that also lets you know, like the gap of 524 00:27:47,320 --> 00:27:53,320 Speaker 3: just representation going through something so detrimental, nobody would reach 525 00:27:53,359 --> 00:27:55,920 Speaker 3: out to me and give me updates. I have emails 526 00:27:55,960 --> 00:27:57,960 Speaker 3: on top of emails, and I do them in my 527 00:27:58,080 --> 00:28:02,160 Speaker 3: presentations showing where I I reached out to the detective. 528 00:28:02,640 --> 00:28:05,360 Speaker 3: It took her three weeks to respond to me when 529 00:28:05,359 --> 00:28:07,120 Speaker 3: I said I was in fear for my life because 530 00:28:07,160 --> 00:28:10,880 Speaker 3: I was receiving phone calls from him and his counterparts 531 00:28:11,520 --> 00:28:14,840 Speaker 3: threatening my life. And it took them three weeks. And 532 00:28:14,960 --> 00:28:17,760 Speaker 3: that was after I had reached out both times, and 533 00:28:17,920 --> 00:28:21,639 Speaker 3: so like it's just a constant feeling like I'm workless 534 00:28:22,080 --> 00:28:26,080 Speaker 3: and I know better. But because I really experienced this 535 00:28:27,280 --> 00:28:30,840 Speaker 3: next level of trying to see justice when being assaulted, 536 00:28:31,320 --> 00:28:33,400 Speaker 3: it was almost like I got raped over and over again. 537 00:28:33,880 --> 00:28:36,880 Speaker 3: So I got failed and raped by local law enforcement 538 00:28:36,920 --> 00:28:40,120 Speaker 3: who didn't sufficiently do their job. Yes, we were able 539 00:28:40,160 --> 00:28:42,680 Speaker 3: to secure a conviction, but that almost was thrown out 540 00:28:42,760 --> 00:28:45,720 Speaker 3: because of things they did not do. And it also 541 00:28:46,200 --> 00:28:49,080 Speaker 3: allowed for my case to be pushed back an extra 542 00:28:49,280 --> 00:28:51,800 Speaker 3: seven to eight months because they did not do their job. 543 00:28:52,640 --> 00:28:55,560 Speaker 3: But it was just like one thing after another after 544 00:28:55,680 --> 00:28:59,560 Speaker 3: another of feeling like I'm in this alone and I 545 00:28:59,600 --> 00:29:00,680 Speaker 3: should have never come out. 546 00:29:01,040 --> 00:29:03,360 Speaker 1: Yeah, you know, my next question was going to be 547 00:29:03,400 --> 00:29:05,720 Speaker 1: I can only imagine how this affected your sense of 548 00:29:05,760 --> 00:29:09,480 Speaker 1: security and trust and just overall and everything. 549 00:29:10,160 --> 00:29:13,320 Speaker 3: Yeah, the first five months was pretty heinous because I 550 00:29:13,440 --> 00:29:16,800 Speaker 3: had just launched. So I have a company and I 551 00:29:16,960 --> 00:29:19,680 Speaker 3: partner with Amazon as a delivery service partner, so we 552 00:29:20,080 --> 00:29:22,680 Speaker 3: have Blue Vans, the Amazon Prime Vans. We deliver all 553 00:29:22,720 --> 00:29:26,000 Speaker 3: through Central Texas, and so I had just launched that 554 00:29:27,080 --> 00:29:31,120 Speaker 3: six months prior to my incident, and COVID was hot. 555 00:29:31,160 --> 00:29:34,520 Speaker 3: So the whole world that just got shut right after COVID. 556 00:29:34,800 --> 00:29:37,000 Speaker 3: So I'm also a single parent dealing with the daughter 557 00:29:37,480 --> 00:29:39,840 Speaker 3: that she is not want to be home, So I'm 558 00:29:39,840 --> 00:29:43,000 Speaker 3: dealing with her having suicidal thoughts because of isolation from 559 00:29:43,040 --> 00:29:47,280 Speaker 3: no socialization. I just started my doctoral degree at Liberty University, 560 00:29:47,320 --> 00:29:49,720 Speaker 3: which I since have left because I could not. 561 00:29:50,160 --> 00:29:51,920 Speaker 2: Taken it's too much. 562 00:29:52,240 --> 00:29:54,480 Speaker 3: It was too much. But the first five months I 563 00:29:54,520 --> 00:29:56,880 Speaker 3: started wearing a fake wedding ring. I would not go 564 00:29:57,040 --> 00:29:59,880 Speaker 3: out in public by myself. I had to have somebody 565 00:30:00,080 --> 00:30:02,480 Speaker 3: with me. I tinted all the windows on my house. 566 00:30:03,320 --> 00:30:07,680 Speaker 3: I put in extra alarm systems, like the amount even 567 00:30:07,760 --> 00:30:10,560 Speaker 3: in my company, I wasn't even present. Like I stopped 568 00:30:10,640 --> 00:30:13,120 Speaker 3: going up there because I primarily have a staff of 569 00:30:13,200 --> 00:30:16,480 Speaker 3: over seventy percent men in my industry of transportation and logistics. 570 00:30:17,200 --> 00:30:19,440 Speaker 3: Being in a warehouse with a bunch of men in 571 00:30:19,960 --> 00:30:22,920 Speaker 3: any public spaces with a large crowd, I would trigger it. 572 00:30:23,040 --> 00:30:25,360 Speaker 2: It's a lot, oh God, And I never. 573 00:30:25,320 --> 00:30:27,080 Speaker 3: Thought i'd be at that space here. I am forty 574 00:30:27,200 --> 00:30:29,600 Speaker 3: years old. Like I even told God, what we're doing? 575 00:30:29,960 --> 00:30:32,880 Speaker 2: Yeah, like come on now, come on God, like I thought, I. 576 00:30:32,960 --> 00:30:35,760 Speaker 3: Put in my dues I some time back. 577 00:30:36,320 --> 00:30:38,960 Speaker 1: Give me give me something like give me a break, 578 00:30:40,320 --> 00:30:43,200 Speaker 1: like cause it's it's a lot big, you know, But 579 00:30:43,720 --> 00:30:44,880 Speaker 1: I'm glad you're still. 580 00:30:44,720 --> 00:30:46,920 Speaker 2: Here because a lot of people wouldn't have been here. 581 00:30:47,280 --> 00:30:50,280 Speaker 3: Yeah, last year was up because I almost didn't go 582 00:30:50,440 --> 00:30:53,000 Speaker 3: testify because it got pushed back again and I told 583 00:30:53,040 --> 00:30:56,360 Speaker 3: my husband at the time, I just said, yeah, no, 584 00:30:56,720 --> 00:30:59,520 Speaker 3: I'm I don't think I'm gonna do. He was like, no, 585 00:30:59,600 --> 00:31:03,400 Speaker 3: you've come too far. He cannot be allowed to because 586 00:31:03,480 --> 00:31:05,760 Speaker 3: just think of other women that he's potentially have done 587 00:31:05,800 --> 00:31:07,520 Speaker 3: this and come to find out, there were eight other 588 00:31:07,640 --> 00:31:10,800 Speaker 3: women that were in his queue. So hopefully I put 589 00:31:10,840 --> 00:31:13,120 Speaker 3: a stop to that. So that's one thing I'm glad 590 00:31:13,120 --> 00:31:17,240 Speaker 3: that I thought about. So he's a serial rapist, Well, 591 00:31:17,360 --> 00:31:19,920 Speaker 3: what he's a serial he's a serial criminal. So what 592 00:31:20,040 --> 00:31:21,520 Speaker 3: I found out, and that's what I was getting to 593 00:31:21,560 --> 00:31:25,400 Speaker 3: earlier five days, like right after I pressed charges, and 594 00:31:25,440 --> 00:31:27,720 Speaker 3: I did a little research because you can google his name, 595 00:31:29,080 --> 00:31:32,760 Speaker 3: going to find out two years prior to him having 596 00:31:32,840 --> 00:31:37,680 Speaker 3: time to kidnap and rape me, he was convicted by 597 00:31:37,760 --> 00:31:42,160 Speaker 3: the federal government Homeland Security for being a part of 598 00:31:42,280 --> 00:31:47,280 Speaker 3: a seven person Nigerian money laundering scheme out of Houston 599 00:31:47,800 --> 00:31:51,800 Speaker 3: where they laundered and then conspiracy and fraud of over 600 00:31:51,880 --> 00:31:54,000 Speaker 3: three and a half million dollars. He was given eight 601 00:31:54,040 --> 00:31:57,320 Speaker 3: and a half years and the nine hundred thousand dollars 602 00:31:57,400 --> 00:32:00,920 Speaker 3: restitution to the federal government. He was out in two years, 603 00:32:01,000 --> 00:32:04,000 Speaker 3: so you know that automatically means he became an informant 604 00:32:04,040 --> 00:32:08,040 Speaker 3: for the federal government. So I was dealing with Now, 605 00:32:08,120 --> 00:32:09,120 Speaker 3: mind you, that wasn't. 606 00:32:08,960 --> 00:32:13,240 Speaker 5: Table talk our first day, so I wasn't aware that 607 00:32:13,440 --> 00:32:19,840 Speaker 5: he was a convicted federal criminal out because he became 608 00:32:19,960 --> 00:32:25,720 Speaker 5: a snitch basically and under his Under the the actual 609 00:32:25,840 --> 00:32:29,120 Speaker 5: write up of the conviction, it says that they. 610 00:32:29,160 --> 00:32:35,920 Speaker 3: Use Romeo email, mail and telephone to you know, commit 611 00:32:36,000 --> 00:32:38,080 Speaker 3: the fraud. So when you were talking about do you 612 00:32:38,200 --> 00:32:41,720 Speaker 3: think you were targeted? I do feel like his whole 613 00:32:41,880 --> 00:32:46,200 Speaker 3: scheme of the is his online dating, was to find professional, 614 00:32:46,360 --> 00:32:50,240 Speaker 3: successful women and to pursue them. That's my thought. Again 615 00:32:50,360 --> 00:32:53,959 Speaker 3: I can't attest, but it just makes too much sense. Yeah. Yeah, 616 00:32:54,080 --> 00:32:56,160 Speaker 3: still had eight other women they found out when they 617 00:32:56,200 --> 00:33:00,800 Speaker 3: did the forensic dive into his phones plural because he 618 00:33:00,880 --> 00:33:03,640 Speaker 3: had multiple more than two. When they found that they 619 00:33:03,680 --> 00:33:05,320 Speaker 3: found there were multiple women in Q. 620 00:33:06,000 --> 00:33:08,320 Speaker 1: You know, this is actually I really do believe you 621 00:33:08,400 --> 00:33:10,600 Speaker 1: that he probably like did his research and he targeted 622 00:33:10,600 --> 00:33:13,560 Speaker 1: professional women because there's been a lot of documentaries that's 623 00:33:13,600 --> 00:33:15,640 Speaker 1: been coming out about how there has been like these 624 00:33:15,840 --> 00:33:20,400 Speaker 1: rings of people scamming people and they're from different countries 625 00:33:21,000 --> 00:33:23,040 Speaker 1: and they do their research and then they would act 626 00:33:23,080 --> 00:33:24,920 Speaker 1: like they're in a whole relationship. And these people would 627 00:33:24,960 --> 00:33:25,560 Speaker 1: just fall for it. 628 00:33:26,240 --> 00:33:29,320 Speaker 3: Yeah, it's a full time it's a john for them 629 00:33:29,560 --> 00:33:32,040 Speaker 3: job like it's a full time job for them. And 630 00:33:32,520 --> 00:33:35,120 Speaker 3: not to say that I would have been weak enough 631 00:33:35,200 --> 00:33:37,960 Speaker 3: to give up finances and do this. I have made 632 00:33:38,080 --> 00:33:40,400 Speaker 3: some decisions in the past and business and I'm like, man, 633 00:33:40,440 --> 00:33:42,400 Speaker 3: I wish I would have had a business mentor back then. 634 00:33:42,520 --> 00:33:45,680 Speaker 3: But right like, when it comes to intimate relationships, I 635 00:33:45,800 --> 00:33:49,520 Speaker 3: had been healed from allowing a man to come in 636 00:33:49,760 --> 00:33:51,920 Speaker 3: and just tap into my bank account because I had 637 00:33:51,960 --> 00:33:55,600 Speaker 3: been in that space. But we all have. But I 638 00:33:55,760 --> 00:33:59,840 Speaker 3: think he just I mean, even culturally, they're used to 639 00:34:00,120 --> 00:34:04,160 Speaker 3: more of a patriotical society. They're used to being able 640 00:34:04,320 --> 00:34:07,880 Speaker 3: to probably demand you know, this is what I want, 641 00:34:07,960 --> 00:34:10,640 Speaker 3: you need to do what they've may not realize personal 642 00:34:10,760 --> 00:34:13,400 Speaker 3: space and this and that, because there are cultural nuances 643 00:34:13,960 --> 00:34:16,239 Speaker 3: and I'm not saying every Nigerian so I don't want 644 00:34:16,280 --> 00:34:19,320 Speaker 3: that to come back or well she said, nor just 645 00:34:19,400 --> 00:34:22,879 Speaker 3: the ones I've come in contact with been the best 646 00:34:22,920 --> 00:34:26,240 Speaker 3: impression for us as a culture. But then there's obviously 647 00:34:26,560 --> 00:34:29,520 Speaker 3: black men that don't make black other black men look 648 00:34:29,600 --> 00:34:31,520 Speaker 3: good that they got to take the hit because this 649 00:34:31,640 --> 00:34:34,600 Speaker 3: idiot did what he did, right. I don't want that 650 00:34:34,719 --> 00:34:36,759 Speaker 3: to be what people are walking away. I just know 651 00:34:37,000 --> 00:34:41,600 Speaker 3: this one. What's with a ring of Nigerians that were 652 00:34:41,719 --> 00:34:42,880 Speaker 3: up to no good in Texas? 653 00:34:43,360 --> 00:34:46,920 Speaker 1: So what happens when someone is on the run, Like 654 00:34:47,000 --> 00:34:50,040 Speaker 1: does the judge get in trouble? Like what is the 655 00:34:50,360 --> 00:34:53,320 Speaker 1: repercussion for that? Because he shouldn't have let he shouldn't 656 00:34:53,320 --> 00:34:55,960 Speaker 1: have been let free or to do whatever he had 657 00:34:56,000 --> 00:34:57,760 Speaker 1: to do because he was our he has a proven 658 00:34:57,840 --> 00:34:58,360 Speaker 1: track record. 659 00:35:02,680 --> 00:35:06,040 Speaker 3: I'm like Cat Williams, don't worry our wait, like, hey, 660 00:35:07,280 --> 00:35:10,640 Speaker 3: you know it's it's it's absolutely ridiculous. And when you know, 661 00:35:10,719 --> 00:35:13,400 Speaker 3: the jury came back with their decisions around ten o'clock 662 00:35:13,440 --> 00:35:16,120 Speaker 3: at night and we're sitting in there and they read, 663 00:35:16,280 --> 00:35:20,600 Speaker 3: you know, we the jury find so and so guilty. Right, 664 00:35:20,760 --> 00:35:25,320 Speaker 3: he found guilty of an aggravated second degree felony of 665 00:35:25,680 --> 00:35:30,320 Speaker 3: sexual assault. At that point, the prosecutor asked the judge, 666 00:35:30,440 --> 00:35:33,040 Speaker 3: who was a visiting judge in that particular court for 667 00:35:33,160 --> 00:35:37,880 Speaker 3: my trial, like him remanded into custody because he's potentially 668 00:35:37,960 --> 00:35:41,080 Speaker 3: a flight risk because obviously we know he deals with 669 00:35:41,680 --> 00:35:45,799 Speaker 3: money laundering, conspiracy, and fraud. Obviously he deals with identity theft. 670 00:35:45,880 --> 00:35:49,320 Speaker 3: They eate people's identity for a living, and we know 671 00:35:49,520 --> 00:35:53,880 Speaker 3: he also will now have to face federal charges. And 672 00:35:54,960 --> 00:35:58,560 Speaker 3: oh I didn't. He doesn't have legal immigration status, So 673 00:35:58,880 --> 00:36:01,080 Speaker 3: all this time I'm going through with somebody that's not 674 00:36:01,200 --> 00:36:04,240 Speaker 3: doesn't even have legal immigration status, that got more rights 675 00:36:04,280 --> 00:36:10,000 Speaker 3: than me. His lawyer then says. His lawyer says, well, 676 00:36:10,080 --> 00:36:13,080 Speaker 3: my client has a BABYDDE December one year, honor. Can 677 00:36:13,160 --> 00:36:14,680 Speaker 3: you take that into consideration. 678 00:36:16,600 --> 00:36:20,480 Speaker 6: I'm looking around like I'm trying to figure out who 679 00:36:20,920 --> 00:36:25,000 Speaker 6: cares about a random baby that you may or may 680 00:36:25,080 --> 00:36:28,800 Speaker 6: not actually be having, And you just put my last 681 00:36:29,000 --> 00:36:32,720 Speaker 6: two is a life, Well don't. 682 00:36:32,800 --> 00:36:37,799 Speaker 3: Nobody can't buy nobody the kids. But just says, well, 683 00:36:37,920 --> 00:36:40,000 Speaker 3: is he on an ankle monitor? So he's on an 684 00:36:40,040 --> 00:36:43,879 Speaker 3: immigration monitor through the fence, and they were like yes, 685 00:36:43,960 --> 00:36:46,400 Speaker 3: and he checks in with his officer. Mind you, this 686 00:36:46,600 --> 00:36:49,040 Speaker 3: is also us coming from a place of ignorance, like 687 00:36:49,080 --> 00:36:52,920 Speaker 3: people can't take off an ankle monitor be with So 688 00:36:53,000 --> 00:36:55,759 Speaker 3: we gonna leave that. That's part the right over there. 689 00:36:56,440 --> 00:36:59,880 Speaker 3: So the judge says, well, you know what. Okay, because 690 00:37:00,200 --> 00:37:02,040 Speaker 3: that now, mind you, because it was supposed to be 691 00:37:02,120 --> 00:37:05,440 Speaker 3: the next monday, but because of that, it was supposed 692 00:37:05,440 --> 00:37:07,520 Speaker 3: to be the monday after Thanksgiving that he did sentencing. 693 00:37:07,880 --> 00:37:09,320 Speaker 2: How many years he was gonna think that? 694 00:37:09,719 --> 00:37:09,919 Speaker 3: Huh? 695 00:37:09,960 --> 00:37:13,719 Speaker 2: How many years he was gonna get Well, it was gonna. 696 00:37:13,440 --> 00:37:19,000 Speaker 3: Be between two and twenty years. That's the for that 697 00:37:19,200 --> 00:37:22,480 Speaker 3: particular charge, is between two and twenty years, right, And 698 00:37:22,719 --> 00:37:26,880 Speaker 3: so the judge decided to do it for December fourteenth 699 00:37:27,000 --> 00:37:31,480 Speaker 3: to give him time to be with a random baby 700 00:37:31,520 --> 00:37:33,680 Speaker 3: that don't nobody know, because we want to give the 701 00:37:33,840 --> 00:37:37,800 Speaker 3: convent of the doubt. So when we went back to 702 00:37:37,920 --> 00:37:41,279 Speaker 3: court on the fourteenth for the sentencing for the sentencing trial, 703 00:37:41,320 --> 00:37:42,320 Speaker 3: guess who won? Present? 704 00:37:42,480 --> 00:37:44,479 Speaker 2: Of course, did you have a feeling he wasn't gonna 705 00:37:44,480 --> 00:37:46,000 Speaker 2: show I. 706 00:37:47,719 --> 00:37:51,000 Speaker 3: I wasn't sure because I said, well, maybe the ankle 707 00:37:51,080 --> 00:37:54,040 Speaker 3: monitor worst and if and if that's the case, they'll 708 00:37:54,040 --> 00:37:56,360 Speaker 3: be able to locate him, right that even if he 709 00:37:56,440 --> 00:37:58,480 Speaker 3: don't show up, they'll at least nowhere he's at and 710 00:37:58,520 --> 00:38:01,680 Speaker 3: pick him up. Well, guess what when we get to court, 711 00:38:01,920 --> 00:38:05,239 Speaker 3: nobody knows where he's at. Of course, not eight or 712 00:38:05,320 --> 00:38:08,440 Speaker 3: the Feds don't know where he's at, and I have 713 00:38:08,560 --> 00:38:10,360 Speaker 3: to get back in the stand again because in my 714 00:38:10,480 --> 00:38:12,040 Speaker 3: trial I was on the stand for four and a 715 00:38:12,080 --> 00:38:15,360 Speaker 3: half hours, wow, and I couldn't be present when he 716 00:38:15,520 --> 00:38:18,640 Speaker 3: decided to get on the stand, which I was livid 717 00:38:18,719 --> 00:38:20,920 Speaker 3: because he was able to stare me down for four 718 00:38:21,000 --> 00:38:23,480 Speaker 3: and a half hours and intimidate me. But why you 719 00:38:23,560 --> 00:38:27,279 Speaker 3: couldn't be present because this is quote unquote what they said. 720 00:38:28,600 --> 00:38:33,200 Speaker 3: I he got the option to decide after hearing me 721 00:38:33,680 --> 00:38:36,560 Speaker 3: that he wanted to now go up and testify, So 722 00:38:36,640 --> 00:38:39,000 Speaker 3: he got to look at me for the whole day, 723 00:38:39,120 --> 00:38:42,640 Speaker 3: go home at night and sleep think of how he 724 00:38:42,800 --> 00:38:46,719 Speaker 3: gonna lie, come back right and testify. And I was 725 00:38:46,800 --> 00:38:49,960 Speaker 3: told by the prosecution that I wasn't able to be 726 00:38:50,080 --> 00:38:52,200 Speaker 3: in there because if they had to call me back 727 00:38:52,280 --> 00:38:55,960 Speaker 3: to the stand to refute anything they said that he said, 728 00:38:56,440 --> 00:38:58,400 Speaker 3: they didn't want for the defense to be able to 729 00:38:58,400 --> 00:39:01,520 Speaker 3: say that my testimony was tainted. But my whole thing 730 00:39:01,640 --> 00:39:02,960 Speaker 3: is he sat through my. 731 00:39:03,280 --> 00:39:05,239 Speaker 2: Foreign If that's the case they needed, one of y'all 732 00:39:05,239 --> 00:39:05,920 Speaker 2: should have been in there. 733 00:39:06,560 --> 00:39:10,200 Speaker 3: That's my point. And that's why this entire process when 734 00:39:10,239 --> 00:39:15,160 Speaker 3: it comes to survivors, why we decide not to come forward, 735 00:39:15,239 --> 00:39:17,879 Speaker 3: why we might take twenty and thirty years to come 736 00:39:18,000 --> 00:39:21,640 Speaker 3: tell us there's a very viable reason why we don't, 737 00:39:22,200 --> 00:39:25,200 Speaker 3: because it is not conducive for us to feel like 738 00:39:25,320 --> 00:39:28,959 Speaker 3: we're in a safe place it. And then, even since 739 00:39:29,000 --> 00:39:32,239 Speaker 3: this has happened, do you think that the prosecution has 740 00:39:32,600 --> 00:39:35,880 Speaker 3: once or local law enforcement has reached out to me 741 00:39:36,080 --> 00:39:39,000 Speaker 3: to check to say, Okay, we know you got a conviction. 742 00:39:39,120 --> 00:39:40,920 Speaker 3: He's on the run. Are you safe? Do you have 743 00:39:41,000 --> 00:39:43,600 Speaker 3: a safety plan in place? Have you heard from him 744 00:39:43,760 --> 00:39:46,720 Speaker 3: this is what we're doing to capture him. I haven't 745 00:39:46,760 --> 00:39:49,560 Speaker 3: heard anything, not even from the advocate, not even the 746 00:39:49,600 --> 00:39:52,440 Speaker 3: advocates saying how are you healing? Have you sought some 747 00:39:52,560 --> 00:39:57,520 Speaker 3: additional resources through this next phase of grieving what you 748 00:39:57,760 --> 00:40:00,920 Speaker 3: just got through handling? Because while I was on the 749 00:40:01,000 --> 00:40:04,200 Speaker 3: stand for four and a half hours, the only person 750 00:40:04,280 --> 00:40:07,439 Speaker 3: from my family that showed up for me was my son. 751 00:40:08,520 --> 00:40:11,240 Speaker 3: My son, who is the product of me being trafficked 752 00:40:11,360 --> 00:40:15,040 Speaker 3: and raped, was seeing in the audience directly across from me, 753 00:40:15,160 --> 00:40:18,520 Speaker 3: and I have to watch him have tears streaming down 754 00:40:18,640 --> 00:40:21,880 Speaker 3: his eye hearing what has happened to his mother, and 755 00:40:22,000 --> 00:40:25,239 Speaker 3: now he is internalizing that he should have been there 756 00:40:25,280 --> 00:40:29,680 Speaker 3: to save me. I have to not only have the 757 00:40:30,520 --> 00:40:34,120 Speaker 3: burden of ten men who are on my jury, ten 758 00:40:34,239 --> 00:40:37,840 Speaker 3: men and two women that had to now oversee my 759 00:40:38,080 --> 00:40:41,799 Speaker 3: case and whether or not I was believable, my son 760 00:40:41,920 --> 00:40:44,040 Speaker 3: in front of me, who is the product of a rape, 761 00:40:44,560 --> 00:40:48,440 Speaker 3: and then also my rape is to this left, and 762 00:40:48,560 --> 00:40:53,640 Speaker 3: then a judge to my left that I know doesn't 763 00:40:53,680 --> 00:40:56,640 Speaker 3: have my best interest in her just the decisions that 764 00:40:56,719 --> 00:41:01,200 Speaker 3: have been made. So it was just a very one 765 00:41:01,239 --> 00:41:03,640 Speaker 3: of the most humiliating experience of my life. But it 766 00:41:03,760 --> 00:41:05,840 Speaker 3: was like an out of body experience when I go 767 00:41:06,000 --> 00:41:08,200 Speaker 3: back and really talk through And that's why I'm so 768 00:41:08,640 --> 00:41:11,759 Speaker 3: adamant on being vocal, because there's not enough women of 769 00:41:11,880 --> 00:41:15,040 Speaker 3: color that are in a healthy space to articulate some 770 00:41:15,160 --> 00:41:19,239 Speaker 3: of these issues. I am one that I wanted to 771 00:41:19,320 --> 00:41:22,000 Speaker 3: make sure that I'm out there talking about it. And 772 00:41:22,120 --> 00:41:24,720 Speaker 3: also that even in the midst of you being healthy 773 00:41:24,760 --> 00:41:28,440 Speaker 3: and thriving, it's okay to admit that I have days 774 00:41:28,480 --> 00:41:31,240 Speaker 3: that I still don't want to get out my ways, 775 00:41:31,320 --> 00:41:34,359 Speaker 3: that this anything can trigger it. But that doesn't mean 776 00:41:34,440 --> 00:41:36,600 Speaker 3: that I just stay in it. But I've had to 777 00:41:36,680 --> 00:41:38,960 Speaker 3: learn to accept it and not lie to people so 778 00:41:39,080 --> 00:41:42,520 Speaker 3: that they're comfortable and that they don't want to be 779 00:41:42,600 --> 00:41:45,640 Speaker 3: uncomfortable with my truth when they say, well, how you doing? 780 00:41:45,920 --> 00:41:46,920 Speaker 3: Do you really want to know? 781 00:41:47,000 --> 00:41:49,080 Speaker 2: How do you want to know? For real? 782 00:41:50,080 --> 00:41:52,200 Speaker 3: Because you ain't got nothing for me if I lay 783 00:41:52,239 --> 00:41:55,840 Speaker 3: it out right right right, because it might break for you. 784 00:41:56,440 --> 00:41:56,760 Speaker 2: Baby. 785 00:41:56,920 --> 00:42:00,279 Speaker 3: I need more than prayer, honey, I need more right out. 786 00:42:01,360 --> 00:42:05,359 Speaker 1: This concludes part one of this week's episode. Please make 787 00:42:05,400 --> 00:42:08,080 Speaker 1: sure to leave a five star review on Apple Podcasts, 788 00:42:08,400 --> 00:42:11,200 Speaker 1: listen Hold Me Down, Don't Hold me Up? Okay, and 789 00:42:11,400 --> 00:42:15,160 Speaker 1: follow me at the PG podcast on Instagram so that we. 790 00:42:15,200 --> 00:42:17,839 Speaker 2: Can keep key about this week's episode. Part two. 791 00:42:17,960 --> 00:42:22,600 Speaker 1: We'll be dropping next week, so until next time, everyone later. 792 00:42:29,200 --> 00:42:32,279 Speaker 1: The Professional Homegirl Podcast is a production of the Black 793 00:42:32,320 --> 00:42:36,279 Speaker 1: Effect podcast Network. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the 794 00:42:36,360 --> 00:42:39,520 Speaker 1: iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your 795 00:42:39,560 --> 00:42:42,600 Speaker 1: favorite shows. Don't forget to subscribe and rate the show, 796 00:42:42,960 --> 00:42:45,319 Speaker 1: and you can connect with me on social media at 797 00:42:45,400 --> 00:42:46,640 Speaker 1: the PG podcast