WEBVTT - Non-Binary Baby Mama Feat. iRAWniq 0:00:13.720 --> 0:00:17.159 Welcome back to Good Mom's Bad Choices. I'm Erica and 0:00:17.200 --> 0:00:22.000 I'm Mila. And Happy Pride Month, y'all. Happy Pride Month. 0:00:22.239 --> 0:00:24.920 You know, from a by fun bitch and a former 0:00:25.040 --> 0:00:29.600 lesbian pansexual, we'd like to wish everyone a happy do 0:00:29.680 --> 0:00:30.960 whatever the fuck you want month. 0:00:31.560 --> 0:00:35.000 Whether you're queer or fairy, it is. 0:00:34.960 --> 0:00:37.560 Your month to celebrate whatever the fuck makes you feel good. 0:00:38.360 --> 0:00:41.640 How are you feeling, Erica, I feel good. I'm good. 0:00:41.720 --> 0:00:45.920 I woke up, I said some affirmations to myself. Yeah, 0:00:45.960 --> 0:00:47.600 I woke up on the right side of the bed. 0:00:47.440 --> 0:00:50.600 Today, amen, because nobody had time for the other side 0:00:50.600 --> 0:00:54.320 of the bed. I'm really excited. We have a special 0:00:54.360 --> 0:00:55.760 guest here today. 0:00:56.280 --> 0:00:58.880 Hi, ra Hi, thanks for having me. 0:00:58.840 --> 0:01:03.800 Author Mama advocate throwing there Nigga Bitch of the Year. 0:01:03.840 --> 0:01:05.280 Niga Bitch of the Year. Yeah. 0:01:05.560 --> 0:01:09.679 She's also friends with one of our tribe members, Miss 0:01:09.760 --> 0:01:13.680 Wright's Way, Ashley. Listen to that episode, you know, Ashley 0:01:13.720 --> 0:01:16.560 said nigga bitch like a lot, and I was stressed. 0:01:18.000 --> 0:01:20.480 We were stress. I was stressed, literally my booty. She 0:01:20.640 --> 0:01:23.280 kept clenching every time. She said. I was like, look 0:01:23.360 --> 0:01:25.080 this is okay. Are you sure? 0:01:25.600 --> 0:01:28.080 And then Ra came in today and she said it, 0:01:28.120 --> 0:01:29.760 and I was like, oh, yeah, actually says that. 0:01:29.800 --> 0:01:33.039 She's like, no, I coined that term, and I was like, oh, 0:01:33.400 --> 0:01:37.240 I'm humbled, grateful to be here, and yeah, I think 0:01:37.560 --> 0:01:41.440 the language should be, you know, fucked up like niga bitch. 0:01:41.520 --> 0:01:43.920 We're here mask identified women if you don't know, but 0:01:43.959 --> 0:01:45.200 you know what nigga bitch is like. 0:01:45.520 --> 0:01:49.440 But now I've evolved into pan sexual, which means I 0:01:49.560 --> 0:01:50.120 like people. 0:01:50.360 --> 0:01:53.560 So that's it. If you're a person, I might like you, 0:01:54.040 --> 0:01:55.080 I might be attracted to you. 0:01:55.200 --> 0:01:59.760 Beware, So on the topic of just you know it, 0:01:59.840 --> 0:02:02.680 be pride, What are your pronouns like? What should we 0:02:02.960 --> 0:02:04.720 properly be referring to you as? 0:02:05.040 --> 0:02:08.440 Thank you? She? They them, I do make it easy 0:02:08.840 --> 0:02:11.280 because and this is a very sensitive conversation piece for 0:02:11.320 --> 0:02:14.160 a lot of people that don't identify completely with the binary. 0:02:14.560 --> 0:02:18.320 But she I'm a mom. I love being a mom, 0:02:18.320 --> 0:02:19.960 a loving a woman. To be honest with you, I'm 0:02:20.000 --> 0:02:23.240 just fluid, very fluid in my lifestyle. So that's where 0:02:23.240 --> 0:02:27.079 the they and the them comes. But also I'm not 0:02:27.160 --> 0:02:29.160 sensitive about any of it. So if you were to 0:02:29.200 --> 0:02:31.799 mis ginger me, I wouldn't give a fuck. She keep 0:02:31.800 --> 0:02:33.080 calling me matter of fact, you want to call me, 0:02:33.160 --> 0:02:34.880 keep paying me, paying me, calling you call me the 0:02:34.880 --> 0:02:38.440 fuck you want to call it, saying like so you know, 0:02:38.520 --> 0:02:40.400 but not everybody is that way. It took a long 0:02:40.480 --> 0:02:41.520 time to get to this point. 0:02:41.520 --> 0:02:44.840 You know, thank you, because Erica and I are not 0:02:45.440 --> 0:02:48.920 professionals and we might fuck up, So bear with us 0:02:48.919 --> 0:02:52.320 if you're listening, if you are here, if you fuck 0:02:52.320 --> 0:02:54.280 it up. Erica's like in the bathroom, she's like, she 0:02:54.360 --> 0:02:55.880 came in and I said, hey, girl, hey, and I 0:02:55.919 --> 0:02:58.799 was like, oh no, I'm my bitch. 0:02:58.880 --> 0:03:05.160 I told you no, bitches, let's just say hey. 0:03:05.720 --> 0:03:08.160 I was like, I don't know, just guide me, let 0:03:08.160 --> 0:03:08.520 me know. 0:03:08.560 --> 0:03:09.360 I'm trying to learn. 0:03:09.400 --> 0:03:11.560 But it takes time because I've learned something else my 0:03:11.600 --> 0:03:14.079 whole life, and you know, I want to be intentional 0:03:14.120 --> 0:03:16.880 and I want to be you know, respectful, and not 0:03:17.000 --> 0:03:18.600 just use that as an excuse like, well this is 0:03:18.600 --> 0:03:20.639 what i've been now, so how fuck you? You know what 0:03:20.680 --> 0:03:22.480 I mean, Like some people might do, but it is 0:03:22.639 --> 0:03:24.480 I feel like it is. I understand that there's such 0:03:24.520 --> 0:03:29.000 sensitivity in the pronouns. And even my friend, my friend Romo, 0:03:29.160 --> 0:03:32.760 she works in nonprofit and she has a good amount 0:03:32.800 --> 0:03:36.839 of trans employees and they get very upset. And she's 0:03:36.880 --> 0:03:38.720 really good about it now, obviously because she's been in 0:03:38.720 --> 0:03:40.520 the space for a long time. But she's like, it 0:03:40.520 --> 0:03:44.160 can get really really heated when kind of like navigating 0:03:44.160 --> 0:03:47.280 in that space and unlearning, you know, the way we've 0:03:47.320 --> 0:03:48.560 been taught to refer to people. 0:03:48.680 --> 0:03:51.960 So sure, absolutely, And I would never want to invalidate 0:03:51.960 --> 0:03:55.880 anybody's experience because some people truly struggle with this on 0:03:55.920 --> 0:03:57.400 a day to day I'm just not one of them, 0:03:57.440 --> 0:04:01.360 nigga bitches, you know. So with Abby and said, you know, 0:04:01.680 --> 0:04:03.760 I think that we all just need to be understanding. 0:04:03.840 --> 0:04:05.960 You can tell when somebody is trying to be understanding 0:04:05.960 --> 0:04:09.320 and open minded. And Ashley posted a video of me 0:04:09.520 --> 0:04:13.080 recently and that opened up a huge platform plethora of 0:04:13.480 --> 0:04:17.600 different conversations that people were having and the spectrum of 0:04:17.800 --> 0:04:19.479 you know, when people are trying to be ain't shit 0:04:19.720 --> 0:04:21.359 versus people like really like I want to know, Like 0:04:21.360 --> 0:04:22.919 I don't want to be disrespectful. I want to know 0:04:23.000 --> 0:04:23.880 and know what's going on. 0:04:24.440 --> 0:04:26.080 And wait, what was the video? I need to know 0:04:26.120 --> 0:04:26.520 what it was. 0:04:26.640 --> 0:04:30.960 I did a ad for her a firm. Yeah, and 0:04:31.000 --> 0:04:33.400 I've never shirt on and it freaks some niggas out. 0:04:33.520 --> 0:04:35.480 People thought there was a filter. People didn't know. And 0:04:35.480 --> 0:04:38.000 for people that don't know, I have double bilateral misectomy 0:04:38.160 --> 0:04:40.719 two years ago and not for cancer, but by choice. 0:04:40.720 --> 0:04:43.120 It was cosmetic. My insurance paid for it. I cut 0:04:43.160 --> 0:04:45.360 my titties off. I love it. My shirts fit the 0:04:45.400 --> 0:04:47.440 way I love to fit. And to me, it's a 0:04:47.480 --> 0:04:50.040 regular conversation piece, just as if a woman wanted to 0:04:50.080 --> 0:04:52.760 go get breast implants. Nobody's talking shit about a bitch 0:04:52.760 --> 0:04:54.919 putting silicon in her titties, you know, in her chest. 0:04:54.960 --> 0:04:57.279 But I cut them off and I'm like, oh my god, 0:04:57.279 --> 0:04:59.880 you're crazy and mental health and psychotic and all this 0:05:00.080 --> 0:05:03.000 other shit, and I'm like, okay, I love you too. 0:05:03.839 --> 0:05:05.520 What do you really want to say? Because I'm here 0:05:05.560 --> 0:05:06.560 and we can talk about it. 0:05:06.640 --> 0:05:09.360 Right Meanwhile, like you said, people are filling up their 0:05:09.400 --> 0:05:11.880 whole face, their bodies, their booties, all. 0:05:11.760 --> 0:05:14.120 Types of Nobody's blinking and they're fine. They're fine. They 0:05:14.560 --> 0:05:17.120 don't have nothing. There's no mental health. I could never 0:05:17.160 --> 0:05:19.120 imagine going out and going out my way to like 0:05:19.279 --> 0:05:21.960 say something negative to somebody that's changing their body. Like 0:05:22.040 --> 0:05:23.640 it's just so weird to me That's why when people 0:05:23.680 --> 0:05:26.200 say that I just like I get still and get grounded. 0:05:26.240 --> 0:05:31.000 I'm like, you're suffering because I'm happy as fun. Like 0:05:31.080 --> 0:05:33.240 this flat chest is getting licked on and sucked on 0:05:33.320 --> 0:05:35.760 and all ties a while. You know what I'm saying matters. 0:05:35.800 --> 0:05:38.560 Okay, you know I gotta put that on a shirt. 0:05:39.240 --> 0:05:41.760 This flat chest is getting sucked on, the licked on. Okay, 0:05:41.760 --> 0:05:46.240 I'd like to get that shit. Okay, Well, before we 0:05:46.279 --> 0:05:48.479 start going into all the learning and unlearning that we 0:05:48.560 --> 0:05:50.840 have to do and all of the things that you're 0:05:50.839 --> 0:05:54.960 gonna share with us, let us do our daily tearot guards. 0:05:55.800 --> 0:05:57.880 Let's do it. And we've already pulled one. And I 0:05:57.920 --> 0:06:03.640 think it's six of cups. Six of six of cups, 0:06:03.680 --> 0:06:04.720 the six of cups. 0:06:04.800 --> 0:06:09.200 The gifts they bring are balance and harmony through the 0:06:09.279 --> 0:06:15.599 return to inner sources, sentimentality, kindness, memories, and innocence. Think 0:06:15.600 --> 0:06:18.320 of the simple, innocent pleasures in your life and feel blessed. 0:06:18.640 --> 0:06:21.919 The only difference between work and play is attitude. I 0:06:21.960 --> 0:06:25.240 know that's right. Live in the moment, remember the beautiful 0:06:25.240 --> 0:06:27.000 moments and lessons learned in the past. 0:06:27.200 --> 0:06:28.719 Dream of the future. 0:06:30.120 --> 0:06:32.200 This you know, I gotta go back to Biddy Taro 0:06:32.240 --> 0:06:34.400 because I feel like Biddy Taro is not paying us, 0:06:34.440 --> 0:06:35.960 but they should be at this point because. 0:06:35.839 --> 0:06:38.080 Or we should be paying them because we used to 0:06:38.120 --> 0:06:40.520 be used there. But I was like, I like Biddy. 0:06:40.320 --> 0:06:44.080 Tarot's description of this too, because I think it does 0:06:44.160 --> 0:06:47.160 you know, it comes. It's very close to what I 0:06:47.200 --> 0:06:51.000 think we're gonna be discussing today, which is, you know, parenthood, childhood, 0:06:51.360 --> 0:06:54.440 all the things. And according to Biddy, it says that 0:06:54.480 --> 0:06:58.880 the six of Cups upright is revisiting the past childhood 0:06:58.880 --> 0:07:03.000 memories in a sense and joy, and that the six 0:07:03.000 --> 0:07:04.800 of Cups is a card that takes you back, like 0:07:04.839 --> 0:07:06.960 you said, to the happy memories from your past, whether 0:07:07.000 --> 0:07:10.080 as a child, teenager, or young adult. You may simply 0:07:10.080 --> 0:07:12.440 be revisiting these memories in your mind, or you may 0:07:12.480 --> 0:07:15.280 travel back to your childhood home or reconnect with your 0:07:15.320 --> 0:07:18.120 childhood friends. You could go to a high school reunion, 0:07:18.240 --> 0:07:20.840 or reconnect with an old buddy, a teenage sweetheart, or 0:07:20.880 --> 0:07:23.800 a past lover may turn up again. These connections bring 0:07:23.840 --> 0:07:26.200 you a sense of joy and happiness as you reminisce 0:07:26.640 --> 0:07:29.120 over all the fun times you had together. Take this 0:07:29.160 --> 0:07:31.280 occasion to explore whether you still have a lot in 0:07:31.320 --> 0:07:34.760 common or if you wish to continue the relationship now. 0:07:35.520 --> 0:07:38.720 It sounds like a very positive card. Obviously, not everyone's 0:07:38.800 --> 0:07:41.240 childhood was positive, but I mean, hopefully they are positive 0:07:41.280 --> 0:07:44.760 experiences entangled within those moments, and even if they. 0:07:44.680 --> 0:07:47.400 Weren't positive, I think it's we're really a time of 0:07:47.760 --> 0:07:50.160 you know, my favorite, my favorite term right now, inner 0:07:50.240 --> 0:07:53.920 child healing. That was a Debbie you gotta do the 0:07:53.960 --> 0:07:56.240 inner child healing. And I think this is the season 0:07:56.320 --> 0:07:58.680 a lot of people are finding things come up in 0:07:58.720 --> 0:08:01.480 their adulthood that are really rooted in childhood and sometimes 0:08:01.560 --> 0:08:03.280 you have to And I really I had a conversation 0:08:03.280 --> 0:08:05.120 I don't know what episode about this, or maybe it 0:08:05.160 --> 0:08:08.320 was just private to Erica where I was feeling rejected, 0:08:08.360 --> 0:08:11.200 and I literally went in. I laid down, and I 0:08:11.240 --> 0:08:15.000 went into my mind and I visited my childhood home 0:08:15.280 --> 0:08:17.680 and I visited myself as a child, and I saw 0:08:17.680 --> 0:08:19.280 myself there and I have never done that before. I 0:08:19.320 --> 0:08:21.280 don't even know where that came from, but I did it. 0:08:21.320 --> 0:08:23.400 And I just feel like that card speaks to that. 0:08:23.440 --> 0:08:27.320 And if anyone who's listening is finding challenges in their 0:08:27.320 --> 0:08:30.400 adulthood right now, you may need to revisit your childhood 0:08:30.440 --> 0:08:33.280 self and feel, you know, feel the feels that maybe 0:08:33.280 --> 0:08:37.160 you've forgotten or you've pushed down and intention like your 0:08:37.160 --> 0:08:40.280 body's forgotten subconsciously, and maybe. 0:08:39.880 --> 0:08:41.400 Revisit and heal those things. 0:08:41.480 --> 0:08:43.720 Maybe talk to your parents, call your mom, tell her 0:08:43.760 --> 0:08:48.480 that shit she did that you didn't like. Amen, And 0:08:48.600 --> 0:08:52.400 today's affirmation of the day comes from our guest, Raw, 0:08:52.480 --> 0:08:54.000 what is our affirmation, Dear. 0:08:54.200 --> 0:08:56.800 Our affirmation? What do we say? We said we are 0:08:57.080 --> 0:08:59.600 grounded and rooted in a salad foundation. 0:09:00.600 --> 0:09:06.480 Sound grounded and rooted in a solid foundation. Before we started, 0:09:06.480 --> 0:09:09.600 we talked about again visualizing when you wake up out 0:09:09.640 --> 0:09:11.280 of bed and put your feet on the ground that 0:09:11.360 --> 0:09:13.440 you are a tree and you are growing. 0:09:13.200 --> 0:09:14.319 Roots to the ground. 0:09:14.720 --> 0:09:17.640 And so that throughout the day you can continuously have 0:09:17.720 --> 0:09:20.600 that visualization and remember, no matter what's going on, because 0:09:20.960 --> 0:09:23.800 we all know shit's gonna happen, you're rooted in whatever 0:09:23.880 --> 0:09:25.720 is happening and staying present. 0:09:26.480 --> 0:09:30.040 Thank you. I love that. Yeah, So, Raw, you are 0:09:30.160 --> 0:09:33.719 a mama that I am. You're a boy mom. 0:09:33.760 --> 0:09:35.520 We don't really Oh we did have a boy mom recently, 0:09:35.559 --> 0:09:37.400 but we have girls, so we're never like, we don't 0:09:37.400 --> 0:09:38.920 get that many boy moms on the show. 0:09:39.440 --> 0:09:41.920 I don't meet very many boy moms, So if anybody's 0:09:42.200 --> 0:09:46.439 looking for a twelve year old, sweet, shy, brilliant playdate, like, 0:09:46.520 --> 0:09:49.800 I'm definitely in the valley looking for that, because it's 0:09:49.840 --> 0:09:52.520 really hard to come by twelve year old thirteen year 0:09:52.520 --> 0:09:53.240 old boy mom. 0:09:53.240 --> 0:09:56.040 Right and good like good, I assume like other good boys, 0:09:56.120 --> 0:09:57.480 you know, like you don't want your kids hang out 0:09:57.480 --> 0:09:58.199 with fucking anybody. 0:09:58.280 --> 0:10:01.320 So no, mine's fucked up. So I'm just chucking, but no, 0:10:01.400 --> 0:10:02.520 for real though, right, I mean. 0:10:02.400 --> 0:10:04.800 Twelve and thirteen is a hard age that pubescent shit 0:10:05.240 --> 0:10:08.600 Like me and Erica just revisited some of our journals 0:10:08.640 --> 0:10:13.360 and the horrishness that we participated in our early teenage years. 0:10:13.400 --> 0:10:16.160 So I'm really scared to have a teenage child, but 0:10:16.200 --> 0:10:16.880 I feel like it may. 0:10:16.760 --> 0:10:19.160 Be a little bit easier for the boy mom. I've 0:10:19.200 --> 0:10:22.160 been blessed in that department. My kid is the most sweetest, 0:10:22.360 --> 0:10:25.199 genuine even like he would never fix his mouth to 0:10:25.240 --> 0:10:27.640 say something crazy to me, Like he's very opposite of 0:10:27.679 --> 0:10:29.440 who I was growing up, and I thought I just 0:10:29.520 --> 0:10:32.080 knew my karma was going to be crazy, but he 0:10:32.160 --> 0:10:36.640 is so sweet. He's a sweet boy, Oh, that's wonderful. 0:10:36.920 --> 0:10:38.080 What was it like growing up for you? 0:10:38.120 --> 0:10:39.880 I mean, I really want to talk about your book 0:10:40.040 --> 0:10:43.640 that you gifted us, which is amazing, Charlie's best work yet. 0:10:44.160 --> 0:10:46.439 And I think you said it was kind of loosely 0:10:46.480 --> 0:10:49.440 based on, you know, your childhood. Can you talk about 0:10:49.480 --> 0:10:52.559 your childhood? And I'm just curious to know, like did 0:10:52.600 --> 0:10:54.800 you always identify as like I mean, obviously I don't 0:10:54.800 --> 0:10:57.640 know if the even like we had the language language then, right, 0:10:57.800 --> 0:11:00.680 or even your parents had the language then to like 0:11:00.760 --> 0:11:04.160 really understand understand you, but like, can you walk us through, 0:11:04.200 --> 0:11:04.800 like what's. 0:11:05.480 --> 0:11:06.880 And your identity? 0:11:07.559 --> 0:11:07.800 Sure? 0:11:08.240 --> 0:11:09.880 Your identity right off? 0:11:09.960 --> 0:11:10.240 Rip. 0:11:10.320 --> 0:11:15.240 I was adopted into a pastored household, so Church of 0:11:15.280 --> 0:11:18.600 God in Christ, Pentecostal parents, both pastors. They were not 0:11:18.600 --> 0:11:20.920 getting jiggy with that gay shit at all. And I've 0:11:20.960 --> 0:11:23.640 been gay since like ever, like five or six. I 0:11:23.679 --> 0:11:26.480 knew I was gay, and just innately just the attraction 0:11:26.600 --> 0:11:29.880 to women, which I can't explain other than just innately, 0:11:30.040 --> 0:11:33.600 just like I didn't have attraction to boys in that way. 0:11:34.200 --> 0:11:36.880 So growing up, I was very tomboyish and that's the 0:11:36.880 --> 0:11:38.880 only language that we knew to call. It was a tomboy, 0:11:39.360 --> 0:11:42.920 you know, played basketball, played sports, didn't play with dolls. 0:11:43.200 --> 0:11:46.120 So I think everybody kind of knew, but nobody was like, 0:11:46.160 --> 0:11:49.560 you know, I remember a turning point was in sixth grade, 0:11:50.240 --> 0:11:53.320 I was trying to wear boy clothes and my dad 0:11:53.360 --> 0:11:55.000 was not having it. And my mom was like, let 0:11:55.040 --> 0:11:57.160 you know, it's fine, this is not me her being gay, 0:11:57.320 --> 0:11:59.840 this is her expressing herself. And she was really vouching 0:11:59.840 --> 0:12:02.320 for me, you know. But no, that wasn't I was 0:12:02.360 --> 0:12:06.520 gay as fuck. So yeah, you were wrong, Ma, you 0:12:06.600 --> 0:12:09.520 knew that. Jesus didn't tell y'all niggas, but you know, 0:12:09.600 --> 0:12:12.920 Jesus told you yo, come on. So I officially came. 0:12:12.960 --> 0:12:15.880 I got outed and like at fifteen, sixteen years old 0:12:16.080 --> 0:12:19.520 by this girl from out here. Ironically, she was from 0:12:19.679 --> 0:12:22.880 La and came to, you know, my school, and I 0:12:22.880 --> 0:12:24.760 had already had a girlfriend. So I was like twelve, 0:12:24.880 --> 0:12:27.440 like on the low ski, I was doing everything twelve 0:12:27.480 --> 0:12:31.920 thirteen years old, girl everything, like everything twelve thirteen. So 0:12:32.280 --> 0:12:36.319 my first experience was with the girl. But my attraction 0:12:36.520 --> 0:12:39.880 to men is an even present, Like I can I'm 0:12:39.880 --> 0:12:43.560 physically attracted to men. I can appreciate a nice looking man. 0:12:43.720 --> 0:12:46.640 I actually appreciate masculine men. To be honest with you, 0:12:46.679 --> 0:12:49.599 I can appreciate a nice black masculine man. I just 0:12:49.640 --> 0:12:51.480 don't want to have sex with you. That's what it 0:12:51.520 --> 0:12:54.119 comes down to. I don't know what my road because 0:12:54.200 --> 0:12:56.520 every man that I've ever been intimate with was never 0:12:56.640 --> 0:12:58.920 like I never got anything from it was very like 0:13:00.200 --> 0:13:03.400 this again. I thought this was gonna be different this time. 0:13:03.920 --> 0:13:05.880 So that's my question too, is like, you know, you 0:13:05.920 --> 0:13:07.600 have a son. Did you carry I did? 0:13:07.720 --> 0:13:10.640 Okay, So was it planned then or was it you 0:13:10.720 --> 0:13:12.640 had sex with a guy and you got pregnant. 0:13:12.800 --> 0:13:15.079 Yeah, my baby daddy, Which is so wid to hear 0:13:15.080 --> 0:13:15.640 me say that, but. 0:13:15.640 --> 0:13:20.440 Yeah, wait, I just was doing a poll on Instagram 0:13:20.480 --> 0:13:22.600 today and asking people like what their thoughts are on 0:13:22.679 --> 0:13:25.160 like baby daddy, like the word baby daddy, baby mama, 0:13:25.160 --> 0:13:27.680 because we've been going back and forth with like merch 0:13:27.880 --> 0:13:30.880 and stuff and like wondering like because we're so like, yeah, 0:13:30.880 --> 0:13:32.880 baby mama, baby daddy, whatever the fuck, Like I'm a 0:13:32.920 --> 0:13:33.480 baby mama. 0:13:34.000 --> 0:13:35.520 I don't really think too deeply into. 0:13:35.360 --> 0:13:36.520 It, but I know that there is like a lot 0:13:36.559 --> 0:13:39.040 of comment there's a negative stigma around the words, especially 0:13:39.040 --> 0:13:39.680 as black women. 0:13:39.880 --> 0:13:45.400 Sure with the lack of marriage probably yeah, wed lock, no, 0:13:45.520 --> 0:13:48.800 so yeah, my baby daddy. I mean we were friends. 0:13:49.080 --> 0:13:50.920 And the funny thing is like people were like because 0:13:50.960 --> 0:13:53.480 I was always gay in college and he would full 0:13:53.480 --> 0:13:56.440 football player. We both went to college together. He lived 0:13:56.440 --> 0:13:59.079 across the street from me. Like it was very convenient 0:13:59.080 --> 0:14:02.079 to get pregnant, I suppose, and I got pregnant. Oh 0:14:03.000 --> 0:14:07.120 there's that. And you know he was my homeboy, Like 0:14:07.160 --> 0:14:09.839 it was never like a romantic partner. Police believe I 0:14:09.880 --> 0:14:11.280 was gonna get pregnant by a nigga. I would have 0:14:11.320 --> 0:14:15.200 got somebody rich or like that. Yeah, I do. 0:14:15.360 --> 0:14:18.920 Actually, I'm very well aware of what you're saying. Totally 0:14:18.960 --> 0:14:19.360 get it. 0:14:20.440 --> 0:14:22.160 But you know, I can count on one hand how 0:14:22.200 --> 0:14:23.080 many guys I've been with. 0:14:23.280 --> 0:14:24.800 You know what was making you have sex with them? 0:14:24.800 --> 0:14:26.200 It's just like it's my homie, let's try it. 0:14:26.280 --> 0:14:28.920 First of all, we had sex once, so I get 0:14:29.080 --> 0:14:32.600 one time, one time, you got you. Yeah, I liked him. 0:14:32.800 --> 0:14:34.880 I liked him and he was just so different than 0:14:34.920 --> 0:14:37.880 any other guy. He didn't press upon me like he 0:14:38.000 --> 0:14:39.560 was just real sick. He took me out on a 0:14:39.640 --> 0:14:42.440 date and courted me like really on some like fairy 0:14:42.480 --> 0:14:44.680 tale type shit. I was like this, niggas not even 0:14:44.720 --> 0:14:46.000 like trying to like have sex with me for real, 0:14:46.120 --> 0:14:47.960 Like okay, you can stay around, You're safe. I have 0:14:48.000 --> 0:14:54.120 a girlfriend anyways, like you're safe and then no safe, 0:14:54.280 --> 0:14:58.040 not safe as fuck. But I didn't even know I 0:14:58.080 --> 0:15:00.800 was pregnant till I was like four months. Oh shit, yeah, 0:15:00.800 --> 0:15:02.920 because my period was already. Like you know, I'm not 0:15:03.000 --> 0:15:04.800 your nigga bitchin you know what I'm saying, Like I'm 0:15:04.840 --> 0:15:08.800 not the point about say ship might come next month, 0:15:08.920 --> 0:15:13.760 you know, like, and I'm like, titties hurt, and yeah, 0:15:13.880 --> 0:15:17.080 I remember my mom. Actually I think I was doing 0:15:17.120 --> 0:15:19.040 their insurance. So I wanted to go to the doctor. 0:15:19.120 --> 0:15:21.760 My mom took me or whatever, and that shit was wild. 0:15:21.840 --> 0:15:23.720 They told me right then and they're like, oh, do 0:15:23.720 --> 0:15:25.560 you want to hear the baby's heartbeat? I was like, bitch, 0:15:25.640 --> 0:15:30.200 what hold on? You're like what hold on? Wait? Wait 0:15:31.280 --> 0:15:34.600 I because this is like Grand Rapids, Michigan, the same 0:15:34.680 --> 0:15:37.400 kind of colleges, the same for you. I was like 0:15:37.960 --> 0:15:41.240 nineteen you were a baby, nineteen twenty with my mom 0:15:41.320 --> 0:15:43.320 going to get in the pap smear, just thinking I'm 0:15:43.320 --> 0:15:45.000 getting the pap smear and. 0:15:44.960 --> 0:15:47.320 At this point your mom. You were out at fifteen, 0:15:47.360 --> 0:15:48.320 so your mom always. 0:15:48.160 --> 0:15:51.360 At this point, my mom's like, you know, thinking like okay, okay, 0:15:51.400 --> 0:15:53.280 I knew it. I don't know you, Jesus, I knew 0:15:53.280 --> 0:15:57.320 she would come around. Jesus, I know it, taloy. What 0:15:58.720 --> 0:16:05.480 I told you, Well, the dresses out right right, right right, 0:16:05.600 --> 0:16:07.440 So I went. I took her out to like some 0:16:07.680 --> 0:16:11.480 mediocre ash like Applebe's or some show or Chili's and 0:16:11.480 --> 0:16:12.880 how I was like, I got something to tell you, 0:16:13.400 --> 0:16:15.880 and she was like, you're pregnant. And I was like, go, 0:16:16.000 --> 0:16:18.040 did you know? She was like, your titties ain't never 0:16:18.080 --> 0:16:22.080 been big like that on a table, And I was like, 0:16:22.160 --> 0:16:23.880 I guess it really is true. Your mama really do 0:16:24.000 --> 0:16:24.800 know when you problem. 0:16:26.120 --> 0:16:30.160 Mom must be knowing for real. So what I mean, 0:16:30.160 --> 0:16:33.160 obviously you always have it. There's always options. What was 0:16:33.200 --> 0:16:34.320 your reasoning for keeping well? 0:16:34.320 --> 0:16:35.840 I asked my mom. I said, what what am I 0:16:35.920 --> 0:16:38.240 supposed to do? And I'm adopted. I've been known I 0:16:38.280 --> 0:16:41.080 was adopted. I've have a very pretty good relationship with 0:16:41.120 --> 0:16:43.720 my mom as far as that aspect goes. So I 0:16:43.800 --> 0:16:46.320 knew that adoption wasn't going to be an option that 0:16:46.360 --> 0:16:49.760 would be too. I could never carry your mind. I 0:16:49.800 --> 0:16:51.800 cared you for that long. You're I'm getting taxes or 0:16:51.840 --> 0:16:59.040 something like. But also my mom said this was her 0:16:59.080 --> 0:17:01.280 word defining rich. She's like, whatever you decide to do, 0:17:01.320 --> 0:17:03.200 I support, but make sure that if you do bring 0:17:03.240 --> 0:17:05.320 that baby into this world, that you know that baby's first. 0:17:05.400 --> 0:17:07.879 It's no longer you anymore. It's that child first. And 0:17:07.920 --> 0:17:10.240 if you can't do that, then you let that baby 0:17:10.280 --> 0:17:14.040 go to heaven. Oh wow, wow, I mean that was 0:17:14.119 --> 0:17:17.440 very progressive question, mom. I mean, I don't know how 0:17:17.480 --> 0:17:20.640 good the heaven part was. She believed that all babies 0:17:20.680 --> 0:17:22.240 are innocent and then their soul is going to go 0:17:22.240 --> 0:17:23.880 to heaven. So if you're not, don't put that baby 0:17:23.880 --> 0:17:26.320 through hell when that baby can. It was a bit 0:17:26.440 --> 0:17:29.359 late though, anyway. Was it too late? I think I 0:17:29.359 --> 0:17:31.200 was like the first my trime match. I think she 0:17:31.280 --> 0:17:32.480 might have like one three days. 0:17:32.560 --> 0:17:36.159 I mean she had about three days, right, Yeah, So 0:17:36.240 --> 0:17:38.280 what was your process and trying to figure out we 0:17:38.280 --> 0:17:39.200 weren't going to do adoption? 0:17:39.560 --> 0:17:41.359 Like what was your process? Like you said you had 0:17:41.400 --> 0:17:43.440 a girlfriend at the time, girl, I don't know what 0:17:43.600 --> 0:17:47.040 was I was like this emoji with like the hands, 0:17:47.760 --> 0:17:50.600 like I didn't know, like I got pregnant, I'm like, 0:17:50.640 --> 0:17:52.719 what the f. And the worst part was like I 0:17:52.760 --> 0:17:55.360 was thinking about being like shunned from my own community. 0:17:55.359 --> 0:17:56.960 That was probably the biggest pressure. I was like, oh 0:17:56.960 --> 0:17:58.080 my god, like the lesbian community. 0:17:58.200 --> 0:18:01.000 Yeah, it was that also because because you sleeping with 0:18:01.040 --> 0:18:03.800 a man was definitely not something you're sharing blasphemous. 0:18:04.000 --> 0:18:06.760 Well, it's called them dick dikes. Yeah. Absolutely. 0:18:06.880 --> 0:18:09.600 If you you know a former lesbian, break it down, 0:18:09.640 --> 0:18:11.399 break it down the former lesbian. I will say, the 0:18:11.480 --> 0:18:14.280 lesbian community is not always that inclusive. 0:18:14.760 --> 0:18:18.160 Dick decks, dykes. Okay, let me stop saying dikes. Jesus Christ. 0:18:18.440 --> 0:18:24.200 The Niga bitches, it's getting better, use the right term. 0:18:24.680 --> 0:18:27.680 Nika bitch just don't want to admit when they like dick, 0:18:27.880 --> 0:18:29.600 and there probably a lot of them are getting it 0:18:29.640 --> 0:18:31.399 on the low. Actually, you have a girlfriend, you know 0:18:31.400 --> 0:18:33.200 who the fuck you are? You little lying, stealing, little 0:18:33.280 --> 0:18:35.760 Nigo bitch bitch who was calling me a dick dick 0:18:35.840 --> 0:18:37.600 because I was bisexual, but also. 0:18:37.680 --> 0:18:40.159 Come to find out, I was getting dick on the side. 0:18:40.240 --> 0:18:41.480 So you are a hardcore lesbian. 0:18:41.520 --> 0:18:42.359