1 00:00:01,120 --> 00:00:06,440 Speaker 1: Conversations on life, style, beauty, and relationships. It's The Velvet's 2 00:00:06,480 --> 00:00:08,240 Speaker 1: Edge Podcast with Kelly Henderson. 3 00:00:08,640 --> 00:00:12,760 Speaker 2: Amanda Kuda is an alcohol free lifestyle expert and coach, 4 00:00:12,800 --> 00:00:16,960 Speaker 2: helping ambitious, soul centered women stop drinking and start manifesting 5 00:00:17,000 --> 00:00:20,920 Speaker 2: the life they deserve and desire. Amanda is also now 6 00:00:20,960 --> 00:00:24,160 Speaker 2: an author and her first book Unbottled Potential break Up 7 00:00:24,200 --> 00:00:27,040 Speaker 2: with Alcohol and break Through to Your Best Life. We'll 8 00:00:27,040 --> 00:00:31,120 Speaker 2: be hitting shelves on October third. That's really exciting. 9 00:00:31,400 --> 00:00:34,360 Speaker 1: Oh, it is so exciting. Such a big wife accomplishment 10 00:00:34,440 --> 00:00:35,120 Speaker 1: happening soon. 11 00:00:35,320 --> 00:00:38,680 Speaker 2: Yes, it's amazing. Well, hello, Amanda, thank you so much 12 00:00:38,720 --> 00:00:39,560 Speaker 2: for being here. 13 00:00:40,440 --> 00:00:41,479 Speaker 1: Well, thank you for having me. 14 00:00:42,360 --> 00:00:44,280 Speaker 2: We were just talking before the podcast, and I know 15 00:00:44,360 --> 00:00:47,040 Speaker 2: this was mentioned to you before we booked this day 16 00:00:47,080 --> 00:00:49,440 Speaker 2: to record, but we have a word each month on 17 00:00:49,479 --> 00:00:52,640 Speaker 2: the podcast, and this month's word is housekeeping. So I 18 00:00:52,680 --> 00:00:56,600 Speaker 2: thought it was a really interesting to think about housekeeping 19 00:00:56,840 --> 00:01:01,000 Speaker 2: in relation to alcohol, and you're just people's relationship with 20 00:01:01,040 --> 00:01:05,399 Speaker 2: alcohol because it's such a personal relationship, it's such an 21 00:01:05,520 --> 00:01:10,000 Speaker 2: inner housekeeping kind of thing. So I wanted to talk 22 00:01:10,040 --> 00:01:12,880 Speaker 2: a little bit about just your journey just to get started, 23 00:01:12,920 --> 00:01:16,120 Speaker 2: because I know you are personally an alcohol or you 24 00:01:16,160 --> 00:01:19,120 Speaker 2: live an alcohol free life, and now you've manifested that 25 00:01:19,240 --> 00:01:22,000 Speaker 2: and changed that into a career of coaching other women 26 00:01:22,080 --> 00:01:25,160 Speaker 2: and helping other women to live alcohol free lives. So 27 00:01:25,319 --> 00:01:29,200 Speaker 2: can you talk us through your journey into getting into this, 28 00:01:29,360 --> 00:01:31,520 Speaker 2: into letting go of alcohol and just kind of what 29 00:01:31,600 --> 00:01:32,200 Speaker 2: that looked like. 30 00:01:32,760 --> 00:01:34,520 Speaker 1: Yeah, And you know, I think to kind of like 31 00:01:35,200 --> 00:01:38,039 Speaker 1: run a theme for this conversation with housekeeping too. I 32 00:01:38,080 --> 00:01:41,000 Speaker 1: want to start off with a quote from James Clear 33 00:01:41,040 --> 00:01:43,480 Speaker 1: and he wrote Atomic Habits. Most of you have probably 34 00:01:43,560 --> 00:01:47,880 Speaker 1: read it, and he says, the ultimate form of optimization 35 00:01:48,360 --> 00:01:53,240 Speaker 1: is elimination. Nothing is more effective than removing the ineffective. 36 00:01:53,280 --> 00:01:54,800 Speaker 1: So I kind of want to start that off with 37 00:01:54,840 --> 00:01:56,600 Speaker 1: like a theme for what I'm going to share about, 38 00:01:56,640 --> 00:01:59,520 Speaker 1: like how I got to where I was, because I've 39 00:01:59,560 --> 00:02:02,320 Speaker 1: been alcohol free almost seven years and that was kind 40 00:02:02,360 --> 00:02:05,360 Speaker 1: of an accident. I quit drinking in twenty seventeen. But 41 00:02:05,440 --> 00:02:07,280 Speaker 1: let me tell you that I didn't really want to 42 00:02:07,360 --> 00:02:09,960 Speaker 1: quit drinking. I didn't really need to quit drinking. I 43 00:02:10,040 --> 00:02:12,960 Speaker 1: was just a run of the mill. There's nothing super 44 00:02:13,080 --> 00:02:16,720 Speaker 1: strange about my relationship with alcohol except that I felt 45 00:02:16,760 --> 00:02:20,080 Speaker 1: like it was in some way holding me back, and 46 00:02:20,320 --> 00:02:23,000 Speaker 1: it's a really hard concept to explain unless you've started 47 00:02:23,000 --> 00:02:26,440 Speaker 1: to experience this kind of inner rumbling that you are 48 00:02:26,480 --> 00:02:30,960 Speaker 1: meant for something more and about So it's been seven years, 49 00:02:30,960 --> 00:02:33,160 Speaker 1: so about I will say ten years ago, I started 50 00:02:33,200 --> 00:02:35,880 Speaker 1: going on this spiritual journey where I was having a 51 00:02:35,919 --> 00:02:39,200 Speaker 1: spiritual awakening and really wanting to integrate and all of 52 00:02:39,240 --> 00:02:43,080 Speaker 1: these healing practices and modalities into my life. So I 53 00:02:43,200 --> 00:02:46,320 Speaker 1: was adding in all of these positive components. I was 54 00:02:46,320 --> 00:02:51,200 Speaker 1: doing meditation, journaling, breath work, you know, I was exercising, 55 00:02:51,240 --> 00:02:53,000 Speaker 1: I was watching what I was eating. I was going 56 00:02:53,000 --> 00:02:56,480 Speaker 1: to yoga, I was going to retreats with Gabby Bernstein, 57 00:02:56,520 --> 00:02:59,320 Speaker 1: and all of these things that someone who is trying 58 00:02:59,320 --> 00:03:01,400 Speaker 1: to live a spiritual life. On the outside, it looked 59 00:03:01,400 --> 00:03:04,640 Speaker 1: like I was ticking the boxes. And in addition to that, 60 00:03:04,800 --> 00:03:06,640 Speaker 1: I was doing all of the things to help me 61 00:03:06,720 --> 00:03:09,880 Speaker 1: be successful in life. I had the degree, I had 62 00:03:09,880 --> 00:03:13,240 Speaker 1: the master's degree. I had gotten a job at a 63 00:03:13,480 --> 00:03:15,880 Speaker 1: you know, a top company in the city where I lived, 64 00:03:15,919 --> 00:03:18,440 Speaker 1: and I owned a home and all of these things 65 00:03:18,440 --> 00:03:22,600 Speaker 1: that add up to the American dream. But I didn't 66 00:03:22,639 --> 00:03:26,040 Speaker 1: feel fulfilled. I didn't feel like I was on purpose. 67 00:03:26,120 --> 00:03:29,080 Speaker 1: I didn't feel like I was living authentically. Something just 68 00:03:29,160 --> 00:03:34,960 Speaker 1: felt like existentially off. And at some point, after trying 69 00:03:35,000 --> 00:03:37,840 Speaker 1: to like retoggle and add so many things to my life, 70 00:03:37,880 --> 00:03:41,520 Speaker 1: I realized maybe I was doing the equation wrong and 71 00:03:41,560 --> 00:03:45,000 Speaker 1: maybe it wasn't about addition and maybe it was about subtraction. 72 00:03:45,920 --> 00:03:47,800 Speaker 1: And so when I looked at the things that I 73 00:03:47,800 --> 00:03:51,840 Speaker 1: could subtract, the glaring thing was alcohol. And let me 74 00:03:51,840 --> 00:03:53,640 Speaker 1: tell you, Kelly, I didn't want that to be the 75 00:03:53,680 --> 00:03:57,120 Speaker 1: answer because such an integral part of my social life. 76 00:03:57,160 --> 00:03:59,960 Speaker 1: I was an awkward you know, kind of late blue 77 00:04:00,160 --> 00:04:02,680 Speaker 1: or who use alcohol as a way to become a 78 00:04:02,680 --> 00:04:07,360 Speaker 1: social butterfly. And it felt really intimidating and almost unnecessary 79 00:04:07,400 --> 00:04:08,080 Speaker 1: to remove it. 80 00:04:09,080 --> 00:04:13,160 Speaker 2: Yeah, which I think is something that most people listening 81 00:04:13,160 --> 00:04:15,240 Speaker 2: could probably relate to because and we'll get into this 82 00:04:15,280 --> 00:04:17,800 Speaker 2: in a little bit, but the thing I note for 83 00:04:17,880 --> 00:04:20,440 Speaker 2: me that always comes up when I think about removing 84 00:04:20,480 --> 00:04:23,680 Speaker 2: alcohol from my life is except this month, we have 85 00:04:23,880 --> 00:04:27,239 Speaker 2: that thing, or you know, it's that holiday, it's that wedding, 86 00:04:27,360 --> 00:04:31,880 Speaker 2: it's that event, it's something. There's always the reason, right 87 00:04:32,000 --> 00:04:34,120 Speaker 2: that we don't want to let it go. And I 88 00:04:34,120 --> 00:04:36,800 Speaker 2: want to talk through that a little bit. But what 89 00:04:36,839 --> 00:04:40,719 Speaker 2: would you say, as would be like a first tip 90 00:04:40,800 --> 00:04:44,320 Speaker 2: if someone wants to just start looking at maybe doing 91 00:04:44,320 --> 00:04:46,839 Speaker 2: the housekeeping with their relationship with alcohol. 92 00:04:47,279 --> 00:04:49,880 Speaker 1: Yeah, Well, to piggy off of the piggyback off of 93 00:04:49,880 --> 00:04:52,120 Speaker 1: the comment that you just made, Guess what, there will 94 00:04:52,160 --> 00:04:54,680 Speaker 1: never be a convenient time to take an extended break 95 00:04:54,680 --> 00:04:57,680 Speaker 1: from alcohol. There's always going to be a wedding, of 96 00:04:57,760 --> 00:05:00,479 Speaker 1: a vacation, a happy hour, something to toast or something 97 00:05:00,480 --> 00:05:03,640 Speaker 1: to commiserate. There's always going to be a random happy 98 00:05:03,680 --> 00:05:06,599 Speaker 1: hour or some shitty day that comes up that you 99 00:05:06,600 --> 00:05:08,480 Speaker 1: want to have a cocktail and just blow off some 100 00:05:08,520 --> 00:05:12,240 Speaker 1: steam or reward yourself, And there just will never be 101 00:05:12,560 --> 00:05:14,440 Speaker 1: a great time. So you just have to make that 102 00:05:14,520 --> 00:05:18,240 Speaker 1: commitment for yourself. And I think the biggest thing that 103 00:05:18,640 --> 00:05:21,880 Speaker 1: I would recommend is to set some milestones for yourself. 104 00:05:21,880 --> 00:05:24,880 Speaker 1: But also to be realistic. You know, I was not 105 00:05:26,320 --> 00:05:28,800 Speaker 1: from doing the tests and the analyzes, I was not 106 00:05:28,839 --> 00:05:32,680 Speaker 1: addicted to alcohol, and yet alcohol is a habit forming 107 00:05:32,800 --> 00:05:36,960 Speaker 1: substance that it would be it would be bold for 108 00:05:37,040 --> 00:05:38,719 Speaker 1: you to assume that you can just take a break 109 00:05:38,720 --> 00:05:40,800 Speaker 1: for a couple of weeks and things will change. So 110 00:05:41,320 --> 00:05:44,320 Speaker 1: I think that my biggest recommendation is to take a 111 00:05:44,320 --> 00:05:46,960 Speaker 1: thirty day break, but that doesn't mean you just start 112 00:05:47,040 --> 00:05:49,440 Speaker 1: drinking again after thirty days. Then add on, take another 113 00:05:49,480 --> 00:05:51,680 Speaker 1: thirty days, make it sixty, make it ninety, make it 114 00:05:51,720 --> 00:05:54,200 Speaker 1: six months. And you know, I know that you shared 115 00:05:54,240 --> 00:05:56,280 Speaker 1: that you had had a year alcohol free, And if 116 00:05:56,320 --> 00:05:59,280 Speaker 1: you keep adding it on and celebrating and reflecting at 117 00:05:59,279 --> 00:06:02,719 Speaker 1: those milestone, what's an I overcome? What did I accomplish? 118 00:06:02,760 --> 00:06:05,200 Speaker 1: What can I be proud of that I did without alcohol? 119 00:06:05,240 --> 00:06:08,000 Speaker 1: So going on a vacation, going to a wedding, surviving 120 00:06:08,520 --> 00:06:10,920 Speaker 1: a breakup, or a hard day at work, whatever, those 121 00:06:10,920 --> 00:06:15,120 Speaker 1: things are really doing some inventory at the end of 122 00:06:15,160 --> 00:06:19,320 Speaker 1: each of those milestones, and then also realizing that you know, 123 00:06:19,680 --> 00:06:22,520 Speaker 1: just time alone, taking time away from alcohol isn't going 124 00:06:22,560 --> 00:06:26,200 Speaker 1: to change that relationship. It's really are you making space 125 00:06:26,279 --> 00:06:29,560 Speaker 1: too when when you're doing this housekeeping, you're cleaning out alcohol, 126 00:06:29,839 --> 00:06:31,719 Speaker 1: but are you filling that space back up with some 127 00:06:31,839 --> 00:06:34,240 Speaker 1: other inner work tools that are going to help you 128 00:06:35,000 --> 00:06:39,240 Speaker 1: have a just more more fulfilled life. And I think 129 00:06:39,279 --> 00:06:41,840 Speaker 1: that you take a longer break and then do a 130 00:06:41,839 --> 00:06:45,280 Speaker 1: little work to replace alcohol with something more meaningful, You're 131 00:06:45,320 --> 00:06:48,440 Speaker 1: going to create something pretty spectacular Yeah. 132 00:06:48,440 --> 00:06:50,800 Speaker 2: It's so interesting because when I did it, I had 133 00:06:50,839 --> 00:06:53,000 Speaker 2: another friend doing it as well, and she is very 134 00:06:53,240 --> 00:06:57,240 Speaker 2: driven by goals, and so she was like, I specifically 135 00:06:57,279 --> 00:06:59,480 Speaker 2: am going to do a year and she had to 136 00:06:59,520 --> 00:07:01,920 Speaker 2: set the time, and for me it was the opposite. 137 00:07:01,960 --> 00:07:04,719 Speaker 2: I actually kind of did it indefinitely, and it was 138 00:07:04,800 --> 00:07:07,760 Speaker 2: more of a like learning to trust my gut situation 139 00:07:08,080 --> 00:07:12,640 Speaker 2: and knowing when it was gonna be okay for me 140 00:07:12,680 --> 00:07:14,560 Speaker 2: to bring it back, if it was ever going to 141 00:07:14,600 --> 00:07:16,040 Speaker 2: be okay for me to bring it back, or if 142 00:07:16,080 --> 00:07:18,160 Speaker 2: I wanted to do that, But it was just kind 143 00:07:18,160 --> 00:07:21,520 Speaker 2: of this indefinite, like it's just off the table until 144 00:07:21,560 --> 00:07:24,720 Speaker 2: I feel so led within myself or I feel very 145 00:07:24,760 --> 00:07:27,800 Speaker 2: peaceful within myself to bring it back into the equation. 146 00:07:29,200 --> 00:07:32,360 Speaker 2: So if someone is listening and they're they're thinking, Okay, 147 00:07:32,360 --> 00:07:35,600 Speaker 2: I'm going to start looking at this, well, I guess 148 00:07:35,760 --> 00:07:37,360 Speaker 2: let me move to this point. I wanted to just 149 00:07:37,360 --> 00:07:40,360 Speaker 2: say though, when I was looking at that, one of 150 00:07:40,360 --> 00:07:44,200 Speaker 2: the main things that I had to realize was like, 151 00:07:44,320 --> 00:07:48,200 Speaker 2: what was my motivation behind drinking? And like so many 152 00:07:48,280 --> 00:07:52,120 Speaker 2: times it was so unconscious that I was drinking, Like 153 00:07:52,160 --> 00:07:55,720 Speaker 2: it wasn't it wasn't this like thought of Ooh, I 154 00:07:55,760 --> 00:07:57,880 Speaker 2: really want this because it's going to taste good. It 155 00:07:57,920 --> 00:08:01,760 Speaker 2: was just genuinely it became just a habit. And I've 156 00:08:01,800 --> 00:08:06,360 Speaker 2: realized even like the movement of glass to mouth was 157 00:08:06,440 --> 00:08:09,920 Speaker 2: even like something that was really just kind of this 158 00:08:10,040 --> 00:08:12,400 Speaker 2: like habit that I didn't realize I needed when I 159 00:08:12,440 --> 00:08:14,640 Speaker 2: was in a social situation like you're saying or whatever. 160 00:08:15,760 --> 00:08:17,200 Speaker 2: And there's all sorts of ways to like kind of 161 00:08:17,240 --> 00:08:20,400 Speaker 2: overcome those things. But how important is it to look 162 00:08:20,440 --> 00:08:23,200 Speaker 2: at the why behind why we're drinking. 163 00:08:24,040 --> 00:08:26,680 Speaker 1: I think it is so important, And I have a 164 00:08:26,680 --> 00:08:29,360 Speaker 1: couple of exercises in my book that help you even 165 00:08:29,400 --> 00:08:33,079 Speaker 1: better establish because I think on you know, as an 166 00:08:33,080 --> 00:08:35,800 Speaker 1: overarching theme. Most people have a couple of things that 167 00:08:35,840 --> 00:08:38,480 Speaker 1: they would say, just like right off the top of 168 00:08:38,520 --> 00:08:42,000 Speaker 1: their head are reasons why they drink, you know, because 169 00:08:42,040 --> 00:08:44,640 Speaker 1: it's a social lubricant, so to feel more comfortable, to 170 00:08:44,800 --> 00:08:48,520 Speaker 1: fit in. But then there are other ones that are 171 00:08:48,559 --> 00:08:53,000 Speaker 1: a little more more prevalent, but we don't necessarily see them, 172 00:08:53,000 --> 00:08:56,640 Speaker 1: and it's usually to avoid some sort of emotional discomfort 173 00:08:56,800 --> 00:08:59,720 Speaker 1: or achieve some sort of emotional fulfillment that we don't 174 00:08:59,720 --> 00:09:02,560 Speaker 1: think that we can get on our own. So if 175 00:09:02,559 --> 00:09:04,440 Speaker 1: I have you look at what were you? What are 176 00:09:04,480 --> 00:09:09,080 Speaker 1: you trying to subconsciously avoid emotionally or achieve emotionally that 177 00:09:09,200 --> 00:09:11,920 Speaker 1: you have told yourself the story that you're not capable 178 00:09:11,960 --> 00:09:14,040 Speaker 1: of on your own, or you need some sort of shortcut. 179 00:09:14,160 --> 00:09:17,560 Speaker 1: So that could have anything to ranging from I want 180 00:09:17,600 --> 00:09:20,760 Speaker 1: to achieve feeling joyful, feeling happy, feeling relaxed, like those 181 00:09:20,760 --> 00:09:23,679 Speaker 1: are good feelings, but when you outsource that to something 182 00:09:23,720 --> 00:09:28,640 Speaker 1: outside of yourself, you're also saying I can't feel happy, good, relaxed, 183 00:09:29,400 --> 00:09:32,520 Speaker 1: confident by myself. And on the other end of the spectrum, 184 00:09:32,520 --> 00:09:36,079 Speaker 1: if you're trying to avoid feeling left out, nervous, anxious, 185 00:09:36,360 --> 00:09:38,760 Speaker 1: any of those kind of lower level feelings, you're also 186 00:09:38,840 --> 00:09:41,719 Speaker 1: saying those feelings are bad and by the way, you're 187 00:09:41,760 --> 00:09:43,760 Speaker 1: not smart enough or good enough to figure out how 188 00:09:43,760 --> 00:09:45,560 Speaker 1: to get past them on your own. You don't have 189 00:09:45,640 --> 00:09:48,959 Speaker 1: what it takes. And those were really of course we're 190 00:09:49,000 --> 00:09:52,920 Speaker 1: not literally saying that to ourselves, but on a deeper level, 191 00:09:52,960 --> 00:09:55,920 Speaker 1: we're kind of sending that message that our self worth 192 00:09:56,120 --> 00:09:58,559 Speaker 1: that is really belittling to our sense of self worth. 193 00:09:58,679 --> 00:10:03,640 Speaker 1: And I I very rarely encounter someone who can't get 194 00:10:03,679 --> 00:10:07,600 Speaker 1: their drinking habits back to either trying to achieve something 195 00:10:08,000 --> 00:10:10,920 Speaker 1: really great or avoid something kind of uncomfortable. And it's 196 00:10:10,920 --> 00:10:13,600 Speaker 1: really interesting to have someone unpack that because they kind 197 00:10:13,600 --> 00:10:17,080 Speaker 1: of have this moment of whoa ooh, I was doing that, 198 00:10:17,440 --> 00:10:21,000 Speaker 1: and it's completely subconscious because we built it up as 199 00:10:21,080 --> 00:10:24,640 Speaker 1: such a socially acceptable normal habit and it is. It's 200 00:10:24,679 --> 00:10:27,360 Speaker 1: just that there's more to it than what meets the eye. 201 00:10:27,960 --> 00:10:30,959 Speaker 2: Yeah, I will say the time that I wasn't drinking, 202 00:10:31,120 --> 00:10:35,640 Speaker 2: it's kind of in your face how much our society really, 203 00:10:35,960 --> 00:10:39,760 Speaker 2: you know, praises alcohol as this positive thing. And the 204 00:10:39,760 --> 00:10:43,600 Speaker 2: more research I did, I couldn't find the positive. Like 205 00:10:43,679 --> 00:10:45,760 Speaker 2: it was just so interesting, Like it's not good for 206 00:10:45,800 --> 00:10:48,440 Speaker 2: your body, no matter what they're trying to feed us 207 00:10:48,600 --> 00:10:51,520 Speaker 2: about the health benefits of one glass of wine or 208 00:10:51,520 --> 00:10:54,360 Speaker 2: anything like that. It's just genuinely not. There is no 209 00:10:54,520 --> 00:10:58,080 Speaker 2: scientific research that will say anything different than that from 210 00:10:58,080 --> 00:11:01,640 Speaker 2: what I could find correct, Like it is literal poison 211 00:11:01,720 --> 00:11:04,080 Speaker 2: that we put in our bodies. And then all of 212 00:11:04,120 --> 00:11:06,760 Speaker 2: the other factors, like it helps with sleep, no, it doesn't. 213 00:11:07,240 --> 00:11:09,960 Speaker 2: Like it helps with anxiety, No, it doesn't. Like that 214 00:11:10,000 --> 00:11:12,640 Speaker 2: actually makes it worse, you know, And so the more 215 00:11:12,679 --> 00:11:14,760 Speaker 2: I looked into all of those things. It's just so 216 00:11:14,920 --> 00:11:18,360 Speaker 2: interesting that we like applaud this socially or that we 217 00:11:18,520 --> 00:11:21,520 Speaker 2: have these messages and then you start to take a 218 00:11:21,520 --> 00:11:23,280 Speaker 2: break from it, and you're like, wait, this is all 219 00:11:23,559 --> 00:11:27,600 Speaker 2: marketing tools. Yeah, and I just am not even paying attention. 220 00:11:27,640 --> 00:11:29,920 Speaker 2: I'm just listening to what someone else is saying to 221 00:11:29,960 --> 00:11:33,080 Speaker 2: me and making decisions on my life and my body 222 00:11:33,240 --> 00:11:33,880 Speaker 2: based on that. 223 00:11:34,520 --> 00:11:38,880 Speaker 1: Yeah. And I mean there are so many wrong messages, 224 00:11:39,040 --> 00:11:41,480 Speaker 1: even just the messages of you deserve to have a 225 00:11:41,559 --> 00:11:44,760 Speaker 1: drink or you need a drink to survive XYZ situation, 226 00:11:45,520 --> 00:11:48,040 Speaker 1: and it's so easy. I mean I did it too. 227 00:11:48,240 --> 00:11:52,040 Speaker 1: I truly believed all of these things at a very 228 00:11:52,160 --> 00:11:54,760 Speaker 1: visceral level. And then when I got a little space, 229 00:11:54,840 --> 00:12:00,880 Speaker 1: I realized how just self deprecating all of these messages are, 230 00:12:00,960 --> 00:12:04,240 Speaker 1: and how like little faith I had in myself to 231 00:12:04,640 --> 00:12:08,719 Speaker 1: be outgoing to survive situations, whether they be social or emotional. 232 00:12:08,760 --> 00:12:11,240 Speaker 1: And I'm just kind of stubborn Kelly. And so I 233 00:12:11,320 --> 00:12:13,400 Speaker 1: was just like, screw that. I want to prove to 234 00:12:13,440 --> 00:12:17,520 Speaker 1: myself that I can overcome these things without alcohol. And 235 00:12:17,720 --> 00:12:20,520 Speaker 1: I gained so much more because it just opened up 236 00:12:20,559 --> 00:12:23,600 Speaker 1: so much space for me to explore my life in 237 00:12:23,640 --> 00:12:25,840 Speaker 1: a different way, and that was really magical. So not 238 00:12:25,880 --> 00:12:28,640 Speaker 1: only did I grow myself worth by proving to myself 239 00:12:28,640 --> 00:12:30,240 Speaker 1: that I could do all of those things I thought 240 00:12:30,280 --> 00:12:33,400 Speaker 1: I needed alcohol for, I also created so much space 241 00:12:33,480 --> 00:12:37,200 Speaker 1: to like bring in other things that were important in 242 00:12:37,200 --> 00:12:38,680 Speaker 1: my life kind of you know, like you were saying 243 00:12:38,679 --> 00:12:41,040 Speaker 1: about your friend, how she had something she wanted to achieve. 244 00:12:41,480 --> 00:12:43,760 Speaker 1: What faster way to create space for that than to 245 00:12:43,880 --> 00:12:47,120 Speaker 1: remove something that is just kind of stealing your time 246 00:12:47,160 --> 00:12:49,520 Speaker 1: and energy from you totally. 247 00:12:49,640 --> 00:12:52,079 Speaker 2: And I love that you mentioned the confidence piece because 248 00:12:52,080 --> 00:12:55,240 Speaker 2: it was so interesting for me during that experience to 249 00:12:55,320 --> 00:12:59,079 Speaker 2: realize actually that I felt more confident when I wasn't 250 00:12:59,160 --> 00:13:03,120 Speaker 2: drinking those social situations then sometimes I do when I am. 251 00:13:03,280 --> 00:13:04,800 Speaker 2: And I don't know what that is. It was sort 252 00:13:04,800 --> 00:13:07,160 Speaker 2: of like maybe it was the fact that I was 253 00:13:07,200 --> 00:13:10,680 Speaker 2: staying with myself, you know, like there was this thing 254 00:13:10,960 --> 00:13:16,280 Speaker 2: of I'm walking into this situation everyone else is drinking, 255 00:13:16,559 --> 00:13:20,400 Speaker 2: I'm the lone ranger or whatever that is, and I'm 256 00:13:20,400 --> 00:13:22,400 Speaker 2: still going to be okay like this. It was like 257 00:13:22,440 --> 00:13:25,360 Speaker 2: this reassurance thing that I did with myself, and what 258 00:13:25,440 --> 00:13:29,040 Speaker 2: you end up getting from that is just this confidence 259 00:13:29,240 --> 00:13:32,720 Speaker 2: and this certainty within yourself, I think. 260 00:13:33,040 --> 00:13:33,520 Speaker 1: So I want to. 261 00:13:33,520 --> 00:13:37,439 Speaker 2: Talk a little bit about just the blocks to authenticity 262 00:13:37,559 --> 00:13:41,640 Speaker 2: that maybe you have found by removing alcohol, or what 263 00:13:41,720 --> 00:13:46,240 Speaker 2: alcohol blocks us from with our relationship with ourselves so much. 264 00:13:46,280 --> 00:13:51,000 Speaker 1: That's such a good question. I want to tell a 265 00:13:51,040 --> 00:13:54,600 Speaker 1: story about how I realized that I wasn't being authentic, 266 00:13:54,720 --> 00:13:57,520 Speaker 1: and it's really short, because I was. I had started 267 00:13:57,559 --> 00:14:00,680 Speaker 1: dating this guy as during my spiritual or not part 268 00:14:00,679 --> 00:14:02,400 Speaker 1: of it, but kind of part of it, I guess, 269 00:14:02,679 --> 00:14:05,000 Speaker 1: because he woke me up to something that I hadn't 270 00:14:05,000 --> 00:14:06,520 Speaker 1: been aware of. And one time we were out on 271 00:14:06,559 --> 00:14:08,600 Speaker 1: a date and he looked at me and he said, Amanda, 272 00:14:08,640 --> 00:14:11,120 Speaker 1: I feel like when you know we're talking, that you're 273 00:14:11,120 --> 00:14:13,760 Speaker 1: being calculated. And he didn't mean it like I'm being 274 00:14:13,840 --> 00:14:17,320 Speaker 1: conniving or manipulative, but that I was calculating what I 275 00:14:17,400 --> 00:14:20,520 Speaker 1: thought he wanted me to say to be more acceptable 276 00:14:20,520 --> 00:14:24,360 Speaker 1: to him. And in that moment, I was just like, WHOA, 277 00:14:25,000 --> 00:14:27,600 Speaker 1: You're right. And I had no idea I was doing this. 278 00:14:28,040 --> 00:14:30,280 Speaker 1: But it wasn't just in my everyday life that I 279 00:14:30,360 --> 00:14:33,160 Speaker 1: was being calculated, like I had taken on a persona 280 00:14:33,560 --> 00:14:35,320 Speaker 1: And I think so many times you know. I'm sure 281 00:14:35,360 --> 00:14:38,320 Speaker 1: men do it too, but women certainly are taught that 282 00:14:38,560 --> 00:14:42,880 Speaker 1: we should be this way in order to be like, acceptable, popular, lovable. 283 00:14:43,280 --> 00:14:45,760 Speaker 1: And I had created this persona that was this, you know, 284 00:14:45,800 --> 00:14:48,760 Speaker 1: I call her like my Carrie Bradshaw party girl, where 285 00:14:48,800 --> 00:14:52,600 Speaker 1: I had learned if you want to be sexy, sophisticated, fun, flirtatious, 286 00:14:52,960 --> 00:14:54,840 Speaker 1: that this is how you act, this is how you 287 00:14:54,880 --> 00:14:57,160 Speaker 1: show up, and this is what men, men and friends 288 00:14:57,240 --> 00:15:00,120 Speaker 1: and whomever will appreciate. And oh, by the way, of 289 00:15:00,120 --> 00:15:03,600 Speaker 1: the accessories you need to do that is alcohol. And 290 00:15:03,680 --> 00:15:06,880 Speaker 1: so I had failed to realize what a persona I 291 00:15:06,920 --> 00:15:08,840 Speaker 1: had built up and we all do. We all have 292 00:15:08,920 --> 00:15:11,600 Speaker 1: kind of like our drinking persona. But I failed to 293 00:15:11,680 --> 00:15:14,520 Speaker 1: realize how much that had trickled over into my everyday 294 00:15:14,560 --> 00:15:16,640 Speaker 1: life until he kind of called me up with that. 295 00:15:17,520 --> 00:15:21,200 Speaker 1: And as part of that kind of awakening process, I 296 00:15:21,240 --> 00:15:24,200 Speaker 1: started really to investigate what is authenticity and what does 297 00:15:24,200 --> 00:15:27,040 Speaker 1: that mean? Because it's certainly a buzzword, you know, but 298 00:15:27,120 --> 00:15:29,320 Speaker 1: it is it is the you that's under all of 299 00:15:29,320 --> 00:15:33,320 Speaker 1: that social programming. And in order to really access what 300 00:15:33,360 --> 00:15:36,280 Speaker 1: that looked like, I found that removing alcohol was a 301 00:15:36,320 --> 00:15:39,080 Speaker 1: really fast way because it's one of the ways in 302 00:15:39,120 --> 00:15:41,800 Speaker 1: which we become so much a follower, you know, that's 303 00:15:42,240 --> 00:15:44,120 Speaker 1: when we do something to fit in, which is what 304 00:15:44,160 --> 00:15:48,840 Speaker 1: I was doing when I drink alcohol. I also just 305 00:15:49,000 --> 00:15:51,880 Speaker 1: kind of lost track of myself. And so once alcohol 306 00:15:51,960 --> 00:15:53,720 Speaker 1: was out of the way and I stopped doing that 307 00:15:54,200 --> 00:15:57,800 Speaker 1: fitting in activity, I also started to uncover all of 308 00:15:57,800 --> 00:16:00,240 Speaker 1: these other ways that I had put on masks and 309 00:16:00,800 --> 00:16:04,440 Speaker 1: I had, you know, tried to kind of dilute down 310 00:16:04,480 --> 00:16:07,640 Speaker 1: parts of myself that I thought were unsavory or uncool 311 00:16:08,000 --> 00:16:11,080 Speaker 1: and elevate parts of myself and amplify parts of myself 312 00:16:11,080 --> 00:16:12,880 Speaker 1: that I thought made me more of a cool girl. 313 00:16:13,480 --> 00:16:15,760 Speaker 1: And with alcohol out of the picture, it was just 314 00:16:15,840 --> 00:16:19,080 Speaker 1: a lot more difficult to keep up the ruse because 315 00:16:19,240 --> 00:16:22,080 Speaker 1: my blinders were then off. I was now like seeing 316 00:16:22,120 --> 00:16:24,800 Speaker 1: my own bullshit. And as painful as it may be 317 00:16:25,160 --> 00:16:26,960 Speaker 1: for some people to hear that, because I know that 318 00:16:27,000 --> 00:16:29,240 Speaker 1: we all want to think like, no, I'm of course 319 00:16:29,240 --> 00:16:32,600 Speaker 1: I'm being myself, I thought that too, and I'm sure 320 00:16:32,680 --> 00:16:36,760 Speaker 1: as heck was not. And being alcohol free just opened 321 00:16:36,800 --> 00:16:39,480 Speaker 1: up a space for me to one observe and admit that, 322 00:16:39,640 --> 00:16:42,880 Speaker 1: and two also have a space to do the spiritual 323 00:16:43,040 --> 00:16:45,800 Speaker 1: And you know, the therapeutic work that I needed, because 324 00:16:46,120 --> 00:16:48,720 Speaker 1: let's be honest, when you are I was only drinking, 325 00:16:48,880 --> 00:16:52,280 Speaker 1: you know, probably Friday, Saturday, sometimes Sunday. But I didn't 326 00:16:52,320 --> 00:16:54,960 Speaker 1: realize what a fog I was in mentally, so all 327 00:16:55,000 --> 00:16:58,600 Speaker 1: of the spiritual and therapeutic practices I was doing, I 328 00:16:58,680 --> 00:17:00,760 Speaker 1: was kind of just doing it half capacity. I was 329 00:17:00,840 --> 00:17:03,960 Speaker 1: kind of going through the motions. It wasn't until alcohol 330 00:17:04,080 --> 00:17:06,359 Speaker 1: was out of the way that they really started to 331 00:17:06,359 --> 00:17:10,879 Speaker 1: take effect. And from that perspective, I just started to 332 00:17:10,960 --> 00:17:14,760 Speaker 1: feel so much more myself and realized how much not 333 00:17:14,920 --> 00:17:16,240 Speaker 1: myself I was before. 334 00:17:20,480 --> 00:17:23,320 Speaker 2: I think it's hard to sometimes understand, like I always 335 00:17:23,320 --> 00:17:27,240 Speaker 2: call it my performer self, but it's it's so interesting 336 00:17:27,320 --> 00:17:30,720 Speaker 2: because as you were talking, I was thinking, you hit 337 00:17:30,720 --> 00:17:32,199 Speaker 2: the nail on the head when you said, like the 338 00:17:32,280 --> 00:17:34,920 Speaker 2: thing about it is it does make us a part 339 00:17:34,960 --> 00:17:37,040 Speaker 2: of the herd or you know whatever way that you 340 00:17:37,080 --> 00:17:40,720 Speaker 2: said that, like drinking and kind of not having to 341 00:17:40,760 --> 00:17:43,080 Speaker 2: be the one person at the party not drinking or 342 00:17:43,119 --> 00:17:45,880 Speaker 2: things like that. It just makes everything feel a little 343 00:17:45,920 --> 00:17:47,879 Speaker 2: bit more like, yeah, I'm just a part of the group. 344 00:17:48,320 --> 00:17:48,520 Speaker 1: Yeah. 345 00:17:48,640 --> 00:17:52,119 Speaker 2: And in reality, though, the interesting thing is is that 346 00:17:52,240 --> 00:17:57,680 Speaker 2: could mean that you yourself, are losing that authenticity or 347 00:17:57,680 --> 00:18:00,720 Speaker 2: like who you actually are, and you you are becoming 348 00:18:00,720 --> 00:18:02,600 Speaker 2: a part of the group. You're kind of like just 349 00:18:02,800 --> 00:18:05,399 Speaker 2: molding with other people or I know that was true 350 00:18:05,440 --> 00:18:07,840 Speaker 2: for me, And like you said, when you take that 351 00:18:07,920 --> 00:18:10,520 Speaker 2: out of the equation, it's really interesting to kind of 352 00:18:10,520 --> 00:18:14,600 Speaker 2: look at, Wow, what parts of myself was I, you know, 353 00:18:14,720 --> 00:18:17,840 Speaker 2: dismissing or not in touch with or things like that. 354 00:18:18,280 --> 00:18:21,119 Speaker 2: But I think that one of the main factors is, like, 355 00:18:21,200 --> 00:18:24,480 Speaker 2: we don't we're not necessarily taught in our society how 356 00:18:24,480 --> 00:18:27,080 Speaker 2: to like feel the feelings or get to know ourselves 357 00:18:27,160 --> 00:18:29,280 Speaker 2: or things like that. So do you have anything to 358 00:18:29,320 --> 00:18:32,359 Speaker 2: say about that for people who might be like, yeah, 359 00:18:32,400 --> 00:18:34,639 Speaker 2: but like what do I replace it with? What do 360 00:18:34,680 --> 00:18:35,040 Speaker 2: I do? 361 00:18:35,720 --> 00:18:39,720 Speaker 1: Yeah? So you know, I will say that it is 362 00:18:40,440 --> 00:18:44,119 Speaker 1: very confronting when you first come into your full body 363 00:18:44,160 --> 00:18:47,359 Speaker 1: and are able to fully experience emotions. Because sure I 364 00:18:47,359 --> 00:18:51,000 Speaker 1: felt heartbreak and happiness when I was drinking, but again, 365 00:18:51,080 --> 00:18:55,399 Speaker 1: there was always kind of this dull fuzz over my life. 366 00:18:55,440 --> 00:18:58,760 Speaker 1: Even though I was drinking three days a week, that's it. 367 00:18:58,760 --> 00:19:01,639 Speaker 1: It's still there was a fuzz. And once that fog 368 00:19:01,760 --> 00:19:06,600 Speaker 1: was lifted, I started feeling happiness at this much higher level, which, 369 00:19:06,720 --> 00:19:09,640 Speaker 1: first of all, that's actually very overwhelming, Kelly, if you've 370 00:19:09,680 --> 00:19:13,399 Speaker 1: never felt like genuine, true happiness and eilation, like it 371 00:19:13,440 --> 00:19:17,280 Speaker 1: almost feels foreign and dangerous in your body. Crazy, yes, right, 372 00:19:17,440 --> 00:19:22,400 Speaker 1: it's like that'll eras are high. Yeah, I know exactly, yes, 373 00:19:22,480 --> 00:19:25,280 Speaker 1: and it's so beautiful. But there's also part of you that, 374 00:19:25,359 --> 00:19:28,119 Speaker 1: like you realize while why rock stars get off the 375 00:19:28,160 --> 00:19:31,199 Speaker 1: stage and go use substance because that feeling of like 376 00:19:31,240 --> 00:19:33,760 Speaker 1: buzzing and being so like on a high, like you 377 00:19:33,800 --> 00:19:36,000 Speaker 1: almost feel like you need something to control it if 378 00:19:36,040 --> 00:19:38,520 Speaker 1: you've never felt it before. But then on the other 379 00:19:38,680 --> 00:19:40,639 Speaker 1: end of the spectrum, yeah, you get to start to 380 00:19:40,680 --> 00:19:47,879 Speaker 1: access these other emotions that you've probably buried down anger, resentment, fear, sadness, anxiety, 381 00:19:47,920 --> 00:19:51,320 Speaker 1: whatever it is. And yet I had to trust, I 382 00:19:51,440 --> 00:19:53,080 Speaker 1: just kind of had to put on these rose colored 383 00:19:53,119 --> 00:19:56,679 Speaker 1: glasses and believe that if my creator, whatever you believe, 384 00:19:56,760 --> 00:20:00,520 Speaker 1: the universe or just yourself put those in motions in 385 00:20:00,560 --> 00:20:03,280 Speaker 1: my body, that I was also capable of dealing with them. 386 00:20:03,400 --> 00:20:06,960 Speaker 1: And so I really became a student of lots of 387 00:20:07,040 --> 00:20:11,439 Speaker 1: different therapeutic and somatic practices to help me manage some 388 00:20:11,680 --> 00:20:14,719 Speaker 1: of those intent scalings. And I think one of the 389 00:20:14,760 --> 00:20:17,320 Speaker 1: practices for me that has just been really profound is 390 00:20:17,359 --> 00:20:21,399 Speaker 1: learning to breathe and use my breath. So traditional breathwork practices, 391 00:20:21,400 --> 00:20:25,200 Speaker 1: but also just like slowing down and taking a damn 392 00:20:25,280 --> 00:20:28,879 Speaker 1: deep breath and like a box breadth where you're breathing in, 393 00:20:29,040 --> 00:20:31,919 Speaker 1: holding breathing out and folding for the same counts like 394 00:20:32,359 --> 00:20:35,600 Speaker 1: something so simple to help me just tap back in 395 00:20:35,640 --> 00:20:38,480 Speaker 1: and regulate my nervous system, or jeez, going out and 396 00:20:38,480 --> 00:20:40,600 Speaker 1: putting my feet in the grass. These are things that 397 00:20:41,040 --> 00:20:43,560 Speaker 1: I just didn't make time for before because I was 398 00:20:43,600 --> 00:20:46,879 Speaker 1: bypassing it. And some of the most simple practices have 399 00:20:47,000 --> 00:20:48,880 Speaker 1: helped me come home to my body. 400 00:20:49,680 --> 00:20:52,200 Speaker 2: Yeah, we've mentioned this a couple times, which you said 401 00:20:53,280 --> 00:20:56,520 Speaker 2: you drank maybe three days a week. You didn't really didn't. 402 00:20:56,800 --> 00:20:58,840 Speaker 2: It didn't resonate with you that you had a problem 403 00:20:58,880 --> 00:21:03,800 Speaker 2: with alcohol. But I love that you say. You say 404 00:21:03,920 --> 00:21:06,040 Speaker 2: you don't have to have a problem with alcohol for 405 00:21:06,119 --> 00:21:09,080 Speaker 2: alcohol to be a problem in your life. So when 406 00:21:09,119 --> 00:21:11,000 Speaker 2: I read that, that just hit me because it's so 407 00:21:11,080 --> 00:21:14,080 Speaker 2: simple but it's so true. So could you tell us 408 00:21:14,600 --> 00:21:16,080 Speaker 2: how you came to that belief? 409 00:21:16,600 --> 00:21:20,160 Speaker 1: Yeah, you know, because I so I think that we're 410 00:21:20,160 --> 00:21:22,520 Speaker 1: all lucky. Anyone listening to this right now who is 411 00:21:22,600 --> 00:21:25,880 Speaker 1: even in the least bit sober curious, You're so fortunate 412 00:21:25,880 --> 00:21:28,800 Speaker 1: because this has become such a more accessible lifestyle within 413 00:21:29,400 --> 00:21:31,520 Speaker 1: just the past three years. There are all of these 414 00:21:31,560 --> 00:21:35,600 Speaker 1: alcohol free brands, there's celebrities who are talking about giving 415 00:21:35,680 --> 00:21:39,119 Speaker 1: up alcohol outside of traditional sobriety and recovery and just 416 00:21:39,280 --> 00:21:43,399 Speaker 1: choosing to be alcohol free has become super accessible, if 417 00:21:43,480 --> 00:21:47,639 Speaker 1: not even like on the edge of posh and you know, popular. 418 00:21:48,119 --> 00:21:51,240 Speaker 1: But seven years ago, eight years ago, no one was 419 00:21:51,280 --> 00:21:54,119 Speaker 1: talking about sobriety this way. It was either you do 420 00:21:54,200 --> 00:21:56,199 Speaker 1: the questionnaire and you go to twelve steps, you go 421 00:21:56,240 --> 00:21:59,480 Speaker 1: to recovery, or literally, I asked my therapist if I 422 00:21:59,520 --> 00:22:02,280 Speaker 1: should stop drinking, and because the only tool she had 423 00:22:02,400 --> 00:22:05,280 Speaker 1: was to diagnose you as an addict, she was like, oh, 424 00:22:05,280 --> 00:22:07,359 Speaker 1: well you're okay, I think just like cut back or 425 00:22:07,359 --> 00:22:11,200 Speaker 1: be a little more mindful. And I remember, honestly, Kelly, 426 00:22:11,280 --> 00:22:13,600 Speaker 1: how heartbreaking it was for me to hear that from her. 427 00:22:13,680 --> 00:22:16,399 Speaker 1: And she didn't meet it maliciously. She just didn't know 428 00:22:16,440 --> 00:22:20,080 Speaker 1: what else to say. And you know, she could have 429 00:22:20,200 --> 00:22:22,560 Speaker 1: encouraged me, and I don't think she like she was 430 00:22:23,040 --> 00:22:27,080 Speaker 1: had me any again, no mal intent, but I failed 431 00:22:27,080 --> 00:22:30,439 Speaker 1: to believe that the only path to giving to changing 432 00:22:30,480 --> 00:22:33,560 Speaker 1: that relationship with alcohol or quitting alcohol or going alcohol 433 00:22:33,640 --> 00:22:36,440 Speaker 1: free or sober or whatever words you want to use 434 00:22:37,040 --> 00:22:41,320 Speaker 1: was recovery and quote having a problem or hitting rock bottom. 435 00:22:41,480 --> 00:22:44,600 Speaker 1: And so finally I realized I needed to ask a 436 00:22:44,600 --> 00:22:47,160 Speaker 1: different question. The only question we've been taught to ask 437 00:22:47,320 --> 00:22:49,280 Speaker 1: is do you have a problem, and if the answer 438 00:22:49,320 --> 00:22:52,119 Speaker 1: is no, you just figure it out. And finally I 439 00:22:52,240 --> 00:22:55,280 Speaker 1: realize I needed to ask a different question in it, 440 00:22:55,359 --> 00:23:01,520 Speaker 1: and that was is alcohol creating problems? Stress? Is it 441 00:23:01,600 --> 00:23:03,720 Speaker 1: keeping me from living to my fullest potential? Is it 442 00:23:03,800 --> 00:23:07,120 Speaker 1: keeping me possibly maybe just maybe, from living the life 443 00:23:07,119 --> 00:23:09,560 Speaker 1: that I deserve? And if the answer is yes, and 444 00:23:09,600 --> 00:23:13,480 Speaker 1: for me it was, then I decided that alcohol could 445 00:23:13,520 --> 00:23:16,800 Speaker 1: be a problem without me having a problem. And that 446 00:23:16,960 --> 00:23:19,520 Speaker 1: just felt so empowering because no one else was talking 447 00:23:19,560 --> 00:23:22,399 Speaker 1: about that or telling me this, and I kind of 448 00:23:22,440 --> 00:23:24,440 Speaker 1: made it my mission at the time to make sure 449 00:23:24,480 --> 00:23:27,119 Speaker 1: that other people who were like me, who were either 450 00:23:27,600 --> 00:23:30,159 Speaker 1: you know, I'll also admit I was too stubborn to 451 00:23:30,200 --> 00:23:32,560 Speaker 1: go to AA or any of those things because it 452 00:23:32,560 --> 00:23:34,960 Speaker 1: didn't feel like a fit. Even though it could have 453 00:23:35,080 --> 00:23:37,320 Speaker 1: I could have made it work. I was just too stubborn. 454 00:23:37,400 --> 00:23:40,000 Speaker 1: And so if anyone is just too stubborn or it 455 00:23:40,040 --> 00:23:43,200 Speaker 1: just simply doesn't resonate. I wanted there to be someone 456 00:23:43,240 --> 00:23:46,160 Speaker 1: giving a permission slip to look at another option, And 457 00:23:46,760 --> 00:23:49,359 Speaker 1: as silly as that sounds, that like, you need permission 458 00:23:49,400 --> 00:23:53,120 Speaker 1: to do this, I needed permission. I wanted to know 459 00:23:53,240 --> 00:23:55,960 Speaker 1: that I wasn't going to be this you know, social 460 00:23:56,000 --> 00:23:58,720 Speaker 1: outcast weirdo. And it would have been a lot easier 461 00:23:58,720 --> 00:24:00,639 Speaker 1: to make that decision if I would have had an 462 00:24:00,680 --> 00:24:03,360 Speaker 1: example of what that looked like totally. 463 00:24:03,440 --> 00:24:06,480 Speaker 2: You mentioned sober curious a little bit, and that is 464 00:24:06,560 --> 00:24:08,680 Speaker 2: I feel like the younger generations are even a lot 465 00:24:08,680 --> 00:24:11,240 Speaker 2: of them just aren't drinking, like it's kind of trendy 466 00:24:11,320 --> 00:24:14,840 Speaker 2: not to Yes, let's talk a little bit about that movement, 467 00:24:14,920 --> 00:24:19,119 Speaker 2: because when I stopped drinking, You're exactly right, it was 468 00:24:19,160 --> 00:24:21,719 Speaker 2: the word was starting to become just this buzzword that 469 00:24:21,760 --> 00:24:23,720 Speaker 2: you would are the two words and that you would 470 00:24:23,760 --> 00:24:27,640 Speaker 2: hear very often. And there were a lot of new 471 00:24:27,760 --> 00:24:32,240 Speaker 2: brands or actually alcohol brands coming out within a options 472 00:24:32,280 --> 00:24:35,680 Speaker 2: non alcoholic options. So why do you think that that's happening. 473 00:24:35,720 --> 00:24:37,000 Speaker 2: Now have you thought about that? 474 00:24:37,760 --> 00:24:41,000 Speaker 1: I think that it's the perfect storm. So listen. We 475 00:24:41,080 --> 00:24:43,680 Speaker 1: had you know, Ruby Warrington coined the phrase and wrote 476 00:24:43,680 --> 00:24:47,320 Speaker 1: the book Sober Curious, and we had another handful of 477 00:24:47,400 --> 00:24:51,320 Speaker 1: really bold, mostly females, because we're you know, badass bold women, 478 00:24:51,480 --> 00:24:56,880 Speaker 1: coming out with books and getting platforms around sobriety from 479 00:24:56,920 --> 00:25:00,639 Speaker 1: a more open perspective. And then, I think, honestly, as 480 00:25:01,800 --> 00:25:04,080 Speaker 1: unfortunate as this is, the pandemic had a lot to 481 00:25:04,080 --> 00:25:06,680 Speaker 1: do with it. We had a time of reckoning where 482 00:25:06,680 --> 00:25:10,520 Speaker 1: a lot of people doubled down and drank themselves into 483 00:25:11,080 --> 00:25:15,520 Speaker 1: a lot more complex relationships with alcohol than they had before. 484 00:25:15,960 --> 00:25:17,600 Speaker 1: And then we also had a lot of people going 485 00:25:17,640 --> 00:25:21,560 Speaker 1: through the pandemic realizing, whoa wait a second, this is 486 00:25:21,640 --> 00:25:23,199 Speaker 1: not how I want to live. I actually have an 487 00:25:23,200 --> 00:25:26,639 Speaker 1: opportunity right now to try this not drinking thing. And 488 00:25:26,680 --> 00:25:28,960 Speaker 1: so you know a lot of people chose one or 489 00:25:29,040 --> 00:25:31,320 Speaker 1: to pass, either really hitting it hard or taking a 490 00:25:31,359 --> 00:25:35,400 Speaker 1: break while they were in kind of this new social experiment. 491 00:25:35,920 --> 00:25:38,800 Speaker 1: And also the other thing that was happening is because 492 00:25:38,840 --> 00:25:41,679 Speaker 1: we had less to do, we were more attached to 493 00:25:41,760 --> 00:25:44,520 Speaker 1: our phones and social media, and that gave people who 494 00:25:44,520 --> 00:25:48,359 Speaker 1: were on this kind of sober curious influential platform like 495 00:25:48,400 --> 00:25:52,880 Speaker 1: myself and many others, more visibility, and so people were 496 00:25:52,880 --> 00:25:55,760 Speaker 1: being exposed to this idea that you didn't have to 497 00:25:56,040 --> 00:25:58,760 Speaker 1: go one particular path or the other to quit drinking. 498 00:25:58,800 --> 00:26:01,920 Speaker 1: You could just make that choice. I think that, yeah, 499 00:26:02,160 --> 00:26:06,160 Speaker 1: just the perfect storm. The beverages started to gain traction 500 00:26:06,480 --> 00:26:11,240 Speaker 1: and they're I mean, you can buy non alcoholic spirit, wine, beer, anything, 501 00:26:11,280 --> 00:26:15,080 Speaker 1: they want, all of it, yes, yeah, And all of 502 00:26:15,119 --> 00:26:20,160 Speaker 1: these things, the powerful voices, the books, the pandemic, the view, 503 00:26:20,440 --> 00:26:22,879 Speaker 1: the visibility on social media. I think it all just 504 00:26:22,920 --> 00:26:26,199 Speaker 1: came together at the right time and people started to 505 00:26:26,240 --> 00:26:27,919 Speaker 1: catch on to it a little bit and pick up 506 00:26:27,920 --> 00:26:29,639 Speaker 1: this permission slip that they had been given. 507 00:26:30,359 --> 00:26:34,880 Speaker 2: Yeah, it's interesting because I feel like the label alcoholic, 508 00:26:35,400 --> 00:26:38,119 Speaker 2: well one I actually heard they're changing that even in 509 00:26:38,440 --> 00:26:40,199 Speaker 2: the I think it's the DSM is. 510 00:26:40,880 --> 00:26:44,800 Speaker 1: Yeah, they say they use alcohol use disorder and that 511 00:26:44,800 --> 00:26:47,040 Speaker 1: that is I think that's so important. And you also 512 00:26:47,119 --> 00:26:49,600 Speaker 1: have to meet people semantically where they are. And because 513 00:26:49,640 --> 00:26:54,359 Speaker 1: there's like a history to the word alcoholism and alcoholic, 514 00:26:55,000 --> 00:26:57,639 Speaker 1: it's still I think valid to bring in some of 515 00:26:57,680 --> 00:26:59,520 Speaker 1: those words so people can make the connection. 516 00:27:00,240 --> 00:27:03,520 Speaker 2: Yeah. Absolutely, But I do feel like it almost makes 517 00:27:03,520 --> 00:27:06,160 Speaker 2: some of us be like what you said, where it's like, well, 518 00:27:06,200 --> 00:27:09,760 Speaker 2: I'm not an alcoholic, so we don't look at our 519 00:27:09,800 --> 00:27:12,879 Speaker 2: relationship with alcohol then, and it's like it doesn't have 520 00:27:12,960 --> 00:27:14,960 Speaker 2: to be one or the other. There's like this middle 521 00:27:15,000 --> 00:27:17,879 Speaker 2: ground place where it's like is this serving me is 522 00:27:17,920 --> 00:27:20,040 Speaker 2: it not? And for me, a lot of it was 523 00:27:20,080 --> 00:27:24,000 Speaker 2: like I started to change the narrative because before in 524 00:27:24,040 --> 00:27:25,920 Speaker 2: my life, if I've ever gone like a thirty day 525 00:27:25,920 --> 00:27:27,879 Speaker 2: period and not drink, like if I'm doing a cleanse 526 00:27:28,000 --> 00:27:30,439 Speaker 2: or something like that, it always almost felt like a 527 00:27:30,480 --> 00:27:34,040 Speaker 2: punishment to remove alcohol. So I changed the narrative in 528 00:27:34,080 --> 00:27:36,520 Speaker 2: my head with this because I was going through a 529 00:27:36,520 --> 00:27:39,479 Speaker 2: really hard breakup coming out of the pandemic. Just like 530 00:27:39,520 --> 00:27:41,879 Speaker 2: you said, I had gotten in a really bad habit 531 00:27:41,920 --> 00:27:45,480 Speaker 2: of drinking as just like a normal part of a routine, 532 00:27:46,080 --> 00:27:48,080 Speaker 2: and I just didn't want that. And I knew also 533 00:27:48,160 --> 00:27:50,520 Speaker 2: it was kind of inhibiting my healing because I could 534 00:27:50,600 --> 00:27:53,760 Speaker 2: not find clarity with alcohol in the picture, and so 535 00:27:53,800 --> 00:27:55,040 Speaker 2: it was just like, Okay, I'm just going to take 536 00:27:55,040 --> 00:27:57,359 Speaker 2: this out. But the narrative that I changed with that 537 00:27:57,920 --> 00:28:01,439 Speaker 2: was while I was doing that work to say to myself, like, 538 00:28:01,520 --> 00:28:04,280 Speaker 2: this is an act of love that I'm doing for myself. 539 00:28:04,680 --> 00:28:07,119 Speaker 2: So it's something loving, it's something kind I'm doing for 540 00:28:07,200 --> 00:28:09,479 Speaker 2: my body. It's like a new form of me stepping 541 00:28:09,520 --> 00:28:13,280 Speaker 2: into adulthood even to like take care of myself, you know. 542 00:28:13,920 --> 00:28:16,840 Speaker 2: And when I changed that in my brain, it was 543 00:28:16,920 --> 00:28:19,280 Speaker 2: like it sounds so simple, but it literally is like 544 00:28:19,280 --> 00:28:21,639 Speaker 2: a light bulb went off and it just did not 545 00:28:21,800 --> 00:28:24,320 Speaker 2: make it hard. Like I did not struggle. There was 546 00:28:24,480 --> 00:28:27,160 Speaker 2: every now and again, I would like on a vacation 547 00:28:27,400 --> 00:28:30,320 Speaker 2: with my friends or at a big party where everyone's 548 00:28:30,359 --> 00:28:33,199 Speaker 2: really drunk, you're like sitting there sober, and that's you know, 549 00:28:33,280 --> 00:28:36,560 Speaker 2: kind of when all the stuff comes up. But for 550 00:28:36,600 --> 00:28:38,960 Speaker 2: the most part, I really just was like, no, I'm 551 00:28:39,000 --> 00:28:41,400 Speaker 2: just not going to do that to myself today, and 552 00:28:41,440 --> 00:28:45,120 Speaker 2: like it felt very empowering. You does that resonate? 553 00:28:46,040 --> 00:28:48,640 Speaker 1: I just want to just like congratulate your inner sense 554 00:28:48,680 --> 00:28:52,520 Speaker 1: of knowing for making that shift, because it, yeah, absolutely 555 00:28:52,560 --> 00:28:55,360 Speaker 1: it resonates. Because there was so long, you know, for 556 00:28:55,520 --> 00:28:57,920 Speaker 1: maybe a year and a half two years, I tried 557 00:28:57,920 --> 00:29:00,800 Speaker 1: to moderate or take breaks in the narrative was I 558 00:29:00,840 --> 00:29:03,800 Speaker 1: can't have that, yeah, and then when you change it 559 00:29:03,840 --> 00:29:07,400 Speaker 1: to I choose not to have this I don't want it, 560 00:29:08,320 --> 00:29:10,800 Speaker 1: which maybe I don't want it is a little bit 561 00:29:11,080 --> 00:29:12,640 Speaker 1: was a little bit of a jump, but I choose 562 00:29:12,760 --> 00:29:15,240 Speaker 1: right now not to have it versus I can't have it, 563 00:29:15,760 --> 00:29:18,720 Speaker 1: so much more empowering. And I just want to honor 564 00:29:18,760 --> 00:29:20,840 Speaker 1: the part of you too that was healing from something 565 00:29:20,880 --> 00:29:23,360 Speaker 1: really painful. The time when all of your girlfriends were 566 00:29:23,360 --> 00:29:26,520 Speaker 1: surely saying, have a drink, have a drink, you know what, 567 00:29:26,760 --> 00:29:29,760 Speaker 1: are pushing alcohol at you, that you had the inner 568 00:29:29,800 --> 00:29:32,640 Speaker 1: intelligence to say, no, this is not helping me in 569 00:29:32,680 --> 00:29:35,560 Speaker 1: this process. I need to have a break from this 570 00:29:35,680 --> 00:29:38,600 Speaker 1: so I can like really go through this healing and 571 00:29:38,640 --> 00:29:41,280 Speaker 1: feel the pain also that I'm feeling. That's really brave 572 00:29:41,400 --> 00:29:43,480 Speaker 1: to say I'm going to feel this pain and this 573 00:29:43,560 --> 00:29:47,440 Speaker 1: discomfort and you're welcome, because I know how hard it 574 00:29:47,480 --> 00:29:50,160 Speaker 1: is to do that. And heartbreak is probably one of 575 00:29:50,160 --> 00:29:53,800 Speaker 1: the most intense emotions. And yet do you really want 576 00:29:53,840 --> 00:29:56,600 Speaker 1: that like pickled in your body because you choose not 577 00:29:56,640 --> 00:29:57,360 Speaker 1: to let it out? 578 00:29:57,720 --> 00:30:03,120 Speaker 2: No, exactly, yeah, out us through right, Yeah, totally totally. 579 00:30:04,280 --> 00:30:04,400 Speaker 1: Well. 580 00:30:04,440 --> 00:30:06,440 Speaker 2: One of the main questions I got when I was 581 00:30:07,000 --> 00:30:10,120 Speaker 2: doing my time away from alcohol was, well, how do 582 00:30:10,200 --> 00:30:13,120 Speaker 2: I do this? Like where do I start? I think 583 00:30:13,160 --> 00:30:14,880 Speaker 2: that is one of the things that most people feel 584 00:30:14,960 --> 00:30:17,680 Speaker 2: just extremely overwhelmed with. And we've kind of touched on 585 00:30:17,720 --> 00:30:22,440 Speaker 2: this a little bit, but how do we Mostly I 586 00:30:22,440 --> 00:30:24,640 Speaker 2: guess the question would be how do we overcome the 587 00:30:24,680 --> 00:30:27,960 Speaker 2: fear of just letting go of alcohol in our lives? 588 00:30:28,200 --> 00:30:32,880 Speaker 1: Oh, that is such an important question, and I think 589 00:30:32,920 --> 00:30:35,480 Speaker 1: that part of it has to be you just have 590 00:30:35,640 --> 00:30:38,920 Speaker 1: to decide to do it afraid, because there are so 591 00:30:39,040 --> 00:30:41,800 Speaker 1: many elements of your life that you surely you know, 592 00:30:43,120 --> 00:30:46,760 Speaker 1: partnered up and like made you know, made alcohol a 593 00:30:46,840 --> 00:30:49,520 Speaker 1: part of it. You know, I hadn't ever even really 594 00:30:49,640 --> 00:30:52,280 Speaker 1: dated alcohol free because I saw, you mean, after I 595 00:30:52,320 --> 00:30:52,920 Speaker 1: had started. 596 00:30:52,960 --> 00:30:54,960 Speaker 2: That was a whole new experience for me too. 597 00:30:55,040 --> 00:30:57,600 Speaker 1: Right, And that was terrifying to think that I have 598 00:30:57,720 --> 00:31:01,360 Speaker 1: on my entire dating life and never done it without alcohol. 599 00:31:01,400 --> 00:31:03,280 Speaker 1: So let me tell you what, Like there I have 600 00:31:03,520 --> 00:31:07,520 Speaker 1: plenty of fearful stories about who I would be with 601 00:31:07,560 --> 00:31:10,160 Speaker 1: alcohol out of the picture. But part of it is 602 00:31:10,400 --> 00:31:12,880 Speaker 1: that you just almost have to be stubborn and say 603 00:31:12,960 --> 00:31:14,680 Speaker 1: I'm going to give this a try because I owe 604 00:31:14,720 --> 00:31:18,800 Speaker 1: it to myself. And if here's the other thing I 605 00:31:19,000 --> 00:31:21,240 Speaker 1: would imagine that if someone is not at all interested 606 00:31:21,280 --> 00:31:24,200 Speaker 1: in this lifestyle and is so confronted by it and 607 00:31:24,240 --> 00:31:26,200 Speaker 1: it's just not even a possibility, they haven't even made 608 00:31:26,240 --> 00:31:28,360 Speaker 1: it to this point in the podcast. Sure, so I 609 00:31:28,400 --> 00:31:30,200 Speaker 1: would guess if you've made it this far, that there's 610 00:31:30,200 --> 00:31:32,520 Speaker 1: something in you, even if it's just like a granule 611 00:31:32,600 --> 00:31:35,240 Speaker 1: of sand size, that has some sort of sort of 612 00:31:35,280 --> 00:31:38,520 Speaker 1: curiosity of what your life might be like, even for 613 00:31:38,600 --> 00:31:40,920 Speaker 1: a period of time without alcohol in the picture, Like 614 00:31:41,040 --> 00:31:42,840 Speaker 1: if you have a big goal or a dream or 615 00:31:42,840 --> 00:31:46,520 Speaker 1: a desire that you really want to put your heart into, 616 00:31:46,640 --> 00:31:48,960 Speaker 1: what could it be like even without a period about 617 00:31:49,080 --> 00:31:52,040 Speaker 1: even with a period without alcohol, but maybe even on 618 00:31:52,080 --> 00:31:54,160 Speaker 1: the bigger picture, I know, if you've made it this far, 619 00:31:54,200 --> 00:31:57,520 Speaker 1: you have a a grain of sand of curiosity, and 620 00:31:57,560 --> 00:32:00,560 Speaker 1: that curiosity is placed on your heart for reason. It's 621 00:32:00,600 --> 00:32:03,520 Speaker 1: not random, it's not some weird idea or inconvenient thought 622 00:32:03,600 --> 00:32:07,080 Speaker 1: you have. It's there because you are intended to explore it. 623 00:32:07,240 --> 00:32:10,200 Speaker 1: And maybe it's not today, maybe it's not tomorrow, but 624 00:32:10,800 --> 00:32:14,240 Speaker 1: the sooner you let yourself explore it and explore it wholeheartedly, 625 00:32:14,400 --> 00:32:16,600 Speaker 1: not just like let me take a few days off, 626 00:32:16,640 --> 00:32:19,720 Speaker 1: but make a challenge for yourself thirty days, sixty days, 627 00:32:19,840 --> 00:32:24,080 Speaker 1: ninety days and really really let yourself explore that curiosity 628 00:32:24,120 --> 00:32:27,640 Speaker 1: and see what happens. I think that that is what 629 00:32:27,720 --> 00:32:30,120 Speaker 1: you are meant for, because curiosities are not placed on 630 00:32:30,160 --> 00:32:32,920 Speaker 1: your heart at random. So just honoring that and making 631 00:32:32,920 --> 00:32:36,480 Speaker 1: the decision and doing it scared are the is really 632 00:32:36,520 --> 00:32:38,440 Speaker 1: the biggest I know that's kind of ethereal, but that's 633 00:32:38,440 --> 00:32:40,960 Speaker 1: the biggest advice that I think give because you owe 634 00:32:41,000 --> 00:32:42,480 Speaker 1: it to yourself to give it a try. 635 00:32:46,800 --> 00:32:48,840 Speaker 2: And I also I love that you pointed out that 636 00:32:48,880 --> 00:32:51,680 Speaker 2: anyone listening is probably there's like a little bit curious 637 00:32:52,360 --> 00:32:55,840 Speaker 2: they might have it in you. Yeah, I mean, and 638 00:32:55,920 --> 00:32:58,000 Speaker 2: I know that that was for me. For a minute. 639 00:32:58,000 --> 00:32:59,920 Speaker 2: I kind of like dabbled in the thought and then 640 00:33:00,080 --> 00:33:02,280 Speaker 2: I was like can I do this? Like what? But 641 00:33:02,440 --> 00:33:04,920 Speaker 2: then it just became so the more I thought about it, 642 00:33:05,360 --> 00:33:07,280 Speaker 2: the more it was like I couldn't avoid it. It 643 00:33:07,480 --> 00:33:09,960 Speaker 2: just you know, it just pops up everywhere and you 644 00:33:10,040 --> 00:33:12,720 Speaker 2: just start thinking that way. But the other thing that 645 00:33:12,760 --> 00:33:15,880 Speaker 2: I would say is just give it a shot, Like 646 00:33:15,920 --> 00:33:17,560 Speaker 2: what the fuck do you have to lose? 647 00:33:18,320 --> 00:33:19,960 Speaker 1: Like I've never regretted. 648 00:33:19,520 --> 00:33:23,560 Speaker 2: It, no, And it's like it's like literally, what I 649 00:33:23,560 --> 00:33:25,280 Speaker 2: say to people all the time is like some of 650 00:33:25,280 --> 00:33:26,920 Speaker 2: my friends are like, well, I don't get hung over, 651 00:33:27,440 --> 00:33:29,840 Speaker 2: and I'm like, no, you just forgot what it feels 652 00:33:29,920 --> 00:33:32,360 Speaker 2: like to feel good, because that was me, you know. 653 00:33:32,400 --> 00:33:34,800 Speaker 2: It was like I drank so frequently for a minute 654 00:33:35,200 --> 00:33:37,880 Speaker 2: that like I didn't feel bad, but that's because I 655 00:33:37,920 --> 00:33:40,800 Speaker 2: forgot what actually feeling good felt like. So I didn't 656 00:33:40,880 --> 00:33:43,920 Speaker 2: remember what a full night sleep felt like. I didn't 657 00:33:44,000 --> 00:33:48,280 Speaker 2: remember remember what not waking up with anxiety felt like. 658 00:33:48,320 --> 00:33:50,840 Speaker 2: It was just these things that I had become so 659 00:33:51,600 --> 00:33:54,400 Speaker 2: just acquainted with in my day to day life that 660 00:33:54,480 --> 00:33:57,080 Speaker 2: they were the norm, and then you forget, like, oh, 661 00:33:57,240 --> 00:34:00,080 Speaker 2: it doesn't have to be this way. Yeah, And that 662 00:34:00,160 --> 00:34:02,600 Speaker 2: was the gift that like taking that massive break gave 663 00:34:02,680 --> 00:34:05,960 Speaker 2: to me. And then another piece I would just like 664 00:34:06,000 --> 00:34:08,800 Speaker 2: to touch on really fast is just like because people 665 00:34:08,800 --> 00:34:10,799 Speaker 2: ask me, well, why do you bring alcohol back, And 666 00:34:11,360 --> 00:34:13,920 Speaker 2: it's because I trust myself now and that's been like 667 00:34:13,960 --> 00:34:15,879 Speaker 2: a huge thing, and so I don't know that I'll 668 00:34:15,920 --> 00:34:18,319 Speaker 2: drink forever. I actually don't, you know. I still take 669 00:34:18,360 --> 00:34:21,720 Speaker 2: massive breaks when I feel like it, but I needed 670 00:34:21,719 --> 00:34:24,799 Speaker 2: to like work on my relationship with myself so that 671 00:34:24,880 --> 00:34:29,080 Speaker 2: I would know inside this is serving me, this is 672 00:34:29,160 --> 00:34:31,560 Speaker 2: not this is okay, this is not like those things. 673 00:34:31,600 --> 00:34:34,279 Speaker 2: I didn't have that before I stopped and took that 674 00:34:34,320 --> 00:34:36,480 Speaker 2: massive break. Do you deal with that with a lot 675 00:34:36,480 --> 00:34:37,280 Speaker 2: of your clients. 676 00:34:37,719 --> 00:34:41,400 Speaker 1: Yeah, you know, I think that and being forthcoming, like 677 00:34:41,680 --> 00:34:44,560 Speaker 1: I really that's the place that I wanted to get 678 00:34:44,600 --> 00:34:46,680 Speaker 1: to initially, Kelly, is this place where I could kind 679 00:34:46,719 --> 00:34:48,480 Speaker 1: of like take it or leave it and have this 680 00:34:48,600 --> 00:34:53,279 Speaker 1: really you know, more intentional relationship with alcohol. But I 681 00:34:53,320 --> 00:34:56,400 Speaker 1: think the other thing that I realized as I started 682 00:34:56,400 --> 00:34:58,279 Speaker 1: feeling good, kind of like you said, you don't know 683 00:34:58,320 --> 00:35:00,680 Speaker 1: what it feels like to feel good, you realized you 684 00:35:00,680 --> 00:35:04,319 Speaker 1: weren't exactly fully feeling it, and then once you see it, 685 00:35:04,719 --> 00:35:07,960 Speaker 1: you can't unsee it. And I just wanted to feel 686 00:35:08,000 --> 00:35:11,680 Speaker 1: good so much more often than alcohol was letting me, 687 00:35:11,760 --> 00:35:14,399 Speaker 1: and I didn't really want to backtrack at all. And 688 00:35:14,440 --> 00:35:18,520 Speaker 1: it's not that I didn't trust myself. It's that, well, 689 00:35:18,560 --> 00:35:20,640 Speaker 1: I'll give you an anecdote of something that happened to me, 690 00:35:20,719 --> 00:35:24,680 Speaker 1: because I really started manifesting at a very high level 691 00:35:24,680 --> 00:35:28,160 Speaker 1: when I stopped drinking. And whether or not that's a 692 00:35:28,239 --> 00:35:30,840 Speaker 1: phrase that your audience is comfortable with or not, Like 693 00:35:31,239 --> 00:35:34,000 Speaker 1: I just started achieving the life that I had always 694 00:35:34,040 --> 00:35:37,600 Speaker 1: wanted and that felt really powerful. So for me, it 695 00:35:37,719 --> 00:35:39,799 Speaker 1: was just like, why would I want to give this 696 00:35:39,920 --> 00:35:43,120 Speaker 1: up to go back to something that was just kind 697 00:35:43,160 --> 00:35:45,520 Speaker 1: of mediocre? And then I don't need anymore because I 698 00:35:45,600 --> 00:35:48,560 Speaker 1: built up all of these tools to enjoy my time 699 00:35:48,600 --> 00:35:52,640 Speaker 1: with friends and to be in these emotional situations. But 700 00:35:53,000 --> 00:35:57,600 Speaker 1: what really drove it home for me was this occurrence. Honestly, 701 00:35:57,640 --> 00:36:00,600 Speaker 1: it probably happened within ninety day siss six months of 702 00:36:00,600 --> 00:36:03,319 Speaker 1: me stopping drinking, is that I kind of got this. 703 00:36:03,840 --> 00:36:05,520 Speaker 1: I was in the shower and I had this intuitive 704 00:36:05,560 --> 00:36:08,880 Speaker 1: download and I heard this like loud and clear message 705 00:36:08,880 --> 00:36:10,759 Speaker 1: and it said, Amanda, you were meant to do big 706 00:36:10,800 --> 00:36:12,600 Speaker 1: things in this life, and I can't see you doing 707 00:36:12,640 --> 00:36:16,200 Speaker 1: them with alcohol in the picture. And I had like 708 00:36:16,320 --> 00:36:18,240 Speaker 1: I felt like I got a fever all of a sudden, 709 00:36:18,320 --> 00:36:21,440 Speaker 1: my whole body heat it up and I had to 710 00:36:21,480 --> 00:36:25,359 Speaker 1: crouch down on the shower floor because I felt that 711 00:36:25,480 --> 00:36:28,360 Speaker 1: message like so truly in my body. And at that 712 00:36:28,480 --> 00:36:31,240 Speaker 1: point I was just kind of like, Okay, let's friggin 713 00:36:31,360 --> 00:36:33,680 Speaker 1: do this then, like let's see what we've got because 714 00:36:34,080 --> 00:36:36,400 Speaker 1: I believed it. I believed to my core that I 715 00:36:36,400 --> 00:36:38,560 Speaker 1: was supposed to do something big and that alcohol was 716 00:36:38,600 --> 00:36:42,040 Speaker 1: doing nothing but distracting me. And from that moment on Kelly, 717 00:36:42,520 --> 00:36:45,839 Speaker 1: I can't explain it, but things just started showing up 718 00:36:45,880 --> 00:36:48,840 Speaker 1: and lining up in a way that they hadn't before. 719 00:36:49,080 --> 00:36:52,520 Speaker 1: Like that felt like I'm kind of like gitting a 720 00:36:52,560 --> 00:36:55,880 Speaker 1: little more right now just thinking about it, Like that 721 00:36:55,960 --> 00:36:59,319 Speaker 1: felt really good to just have life start working out 722 00:36:59,360 --> 00:37:02,080 Speaker 1: for me. And it was like things crummy, things still happen, 723 00:37:02,200 --> 00:37:06,040 Speaker 1: Like I'm not like unicorns aren't surrounding me, you know, 724 00:37:06,840 --> 00:37:10,359 Speaker 1: but I it felt good to feel that good and 725 00:37:10,400 --> 00:37:13,200 Speaker 1: to feel back in control of my emotions and to 726 00:37:13,880 --> 00:37:16,520 Speaker 1: start being a magnet for my desires. I just kind 727 00:37:16,560 --> 00:37:19,560 Speaker 1: of was like, no, I'm not going back to that, 728 00:37:19,719 --> 00:37:23,400 Speaker 1: not even in moderation, because this feels really powerful and 729 00:37:23,440 --> 00:37:25,839 Speaker 1: I'm going to keep riding this wave. And that's why 730 00:37:25,840 --> 00:37:27,960 Speaker 1: I would want for anyone is for that for it 731 00:37:28,040 --> 00:37:31,400 Speaker 1: to feel so powerful that like you just feel like 732 00:37:31,400 --> 00:37:34,520 Speaker 1: a force to be reckoned with. And I think that's 733 00:37:34,560 --> 00:37:36,680 Speaker 1: really cool. And that's why I started doing the work 734 00:37:36,760 --> 00:37:40,280 Speaker 1: that I'm doing and pursued writing a book and speaking 735 00:37:40,360 --> 00:37:44,960 Speaker 1: and sharing this message because It's such a simple change, 736 00:37:45,560 --> 00:37:48,319 Speaker 1: but also it's one that so few people are brave 737 00:37:48,440 --> 00:37:51,240 Speaker 1: enough to make. That if you choose to stop drinking, 738 00:37:51,880 --> 00:37:53,680 Speaker 1: that you were going to have a competitive edge in 739 00:37:53,760 --> 00:37:56,200 Speaker 1: like every area of your life. This is not just professional, 740 00:37:56,280 --> 00:37:59,320 Speaker 1: like every area of your life that cannot be matched 741 00:37:59,360 --> 00:38:01,200 Speaker 1: because most people aren't brave enough to do it. 742 00:38:02,120 --> 00:38:05,480 Speaker 2: I love that when you just described that, it just 743 00:38:05,680 --> 00:38:07,600 Speaker 2: sounds like you just let go of something that wasn't 744 00:38:07,640 --> 00:38:10,600 Speaker 2: serving you, and that's when the floodgates can open, because 745 00:38:10,640 --> 00:38:12,680 Speaker 2: we are holding so much space when we hold on 746 00:38:12,800 --> 00:38:14,080 Speaker 2: to things that don't serve us. 747 00:38:14,320 --> 00:38:15,080 Speaker 1: Yeah, I love that. 748 00:38:15,239 --> 00:38:17,160 Speaker 2: Well, you mentioned the book. So the book comes out 749 00:38:17,200 --> 00:38:21,600 Speaker 2: October third. It's called Unbottled Potential, break Up with Alcohol 750 00:38:21,719 --> 00:38:24,759 Speaker 2: and break Through to your Best Life. Tell us what 751 00:38:24,840 --> 00:38:26,120 Speaker 2: we will find in the book. 752 00:38:26,920 --> 00:38:30,360 Speaker 1: This book is kind of a hybrid of it's a 753 00:38:30,360 --> 00:38:34,040 Speaker 1: book about sobriety, but it's with personal development and spiritual 754 00:38:34,160 --> 00:38:38,600 Speaker 1: enlightenments as the results. So sobriety is the foundation for 755 00:38:39,040 --> 00:38:42,880 Speaker 1: me for achieving the personal goals, the emotional fulfillment, the 756 00:38:42,920 --> 00:38:47,040 Speaker 1: professional success, the spiritual connection that you want. And in 757 00:38:47,120 --> 00:38:50,520 Speaker 1: the book, I really go through how alcohol can very 758 00:38:50,600 --> 00:38:53,360 Speaker 1: subtly hold you back from those things that you desire 759 00:38:53,400 --> 00:38:56,239 Speaker 1: and really want and deserve in your life and kind 760 00:38:56,239 --> 00:38:58,520 Speaker 1: of just stunt your growth in all of those areas, 761 00:38:58,920 --> 00:39:01,719 Speaker 1: and how you can get yourself caught back up to 762 00:39:01,719 --> 00:39:04,600 Speaker 1: speed if you choose to live this life alcohol free 763 00:39:04,719 --> 00:39:06,399 Speaker 1: or even just taking a break. You know, I think 764 00:39:06,400 --> 00:39:08,640 Speaker 1: that that's I think that ultimately I want to like, 765 00:39:08,800 --> 00:39:11,040 Speaker 1: I don't want to tell everyone you have to stop forever, 766 00:39:11,160 --> 00:39:13,520 Speaker 1: but I want your life to feel so good like 767 00:39:13,600 --> 00:39:18,080 Speaker 1: I experienced, that it's no longer something that's significant for you. 768 00:39:18,239 --> 00:39:20,160 Speaker 1: And I think that's that's what I am to achieve 769 00:39:20,239 --> 00:39:21,680 Speaker 1: with how I teach in the book. 770 00:39:22,360 --> 00:39:24,520 Speaker 2: Well, and you also have a podcast of the same 771 00:39:24,600 --> 00:39:27,680 Speaker 2: name called Unbottled Potential. Tell us about the podcast. 772 00:39:27,880 --> 00:39:30,120 Speaker 1: Yeah, and Unbottled Potential. I do a lot of the 773 00:39:30,120 --> 00:39:34,840 Speaker 1: same teachings, but I also bring on alcohol free people 774 00:39:34,960 --> 00:39:37,759 Speaker 1: in different areas of space. They're not always teachers or 775 00:39:37,800 --> 00:39:40,400 Speaker 1: sobriety you know people, They're just people who happen to 776 00:39:40,400 --> 00:39:43,960 Speaker 1: be alcohol free. One of our mutual friends I was 777 00:39:43,960 --> 00:39:46,440 Speaker 1: on the show talking about how being alcohol free was 778 00:39:46,480 --> 00:39:50,080 Speaker 1: part of her spiritual awakening and spiritual enlightenment. So it's 779 00:39:50,400 --> 00:39:53,359 Speaker 1: different people coming in with these different experiences, sharing how 780 00:39:53,400 --> 00:39:56,759 Speaker 1: being alcohol free has transformed different areas of their life. 781 00:39:56,800 --> 00:40:00,160 Speaker 1: And I think that if you've been curious and you know, 782 00:40:00,160 --> 00:40:01,719 Speaker 1: maybe you're one of those people who's like, no one 783 00:40:01,719 --> 00:40:05,360 Speaker 1: else doesn't drink, Only losers don't, only you know, weirdos 784 00:40:05,400 --> 00:40:11,280 Speaker 1: don't drink. Hearing these inspiring stories about you know, dating, relationships, sex, 785 00:40:11,360 --> 00:40:13,879 Speaker 1: all of these these different aspects of your life where 786 00:40:13,880 --> 00:40:15,880 Speaker 1: you might be afraid to do it without alcohol can 787 00:40:15,920 --> 00:40:18,600 Speaker 1: be really helpful and be really expansive to hear other 788 00:40:18,840 --> 00:40:21,040 Speaker 1: badass people living this life. 789 00:40:21,239 --> 00:40:25,400 Speaker 2: Amen. I will say we've mentioned dating without alcohol a 790 00:40:25,520 --> 00:40:29,879 Speaker 2: couple of times. Yes, it for me was a wonderful experience. 791 00:40:30,160 --> 00:40:34,239 Speaker 2: Like I think that it's scary, and it's obviously a 792 00:40:34,360 --> 00:40:36,560 Speaker 2: crutch for most of us at the beginning of a 793 00:40:36,640 --> 00:40:39,919 Speaker 2: relationship because it's just awkward. Dating is just awkward, right yep. 794 00:40:40,120 --> 00:40:43,680 Speaker 2: But like there's also no beer goggles, so I just 795 00:40:44,000 --> 00:40:47,680 Speaker 2: like made better decisions, you know, And now I'm in 796 00:40:47,719 --> 00:40:50,399 Speaker 2: a really happy relationship and neither one of us really 797 00:40:50,440 --> 00:40:53,640 Speaker 2: drink very often, and so it's just very nice because 798 00:40:53,640 --> 00:40:57,040 Speaker 2: I feel like I'm seeing things in just such a 799 00:40:57,040 --> 00:41:00,719 Speaker 2: different way, whereas in the past, maybe I don't know, 800 00:41:00,840 --> 00:41:02,759 Speaker 2: the alcohol would kind of be like, ah, yeah, he 801 00:41:02,800 --> 00:41:05,279 Speaker 2: did say that, but I'll just forget about that. Yes, 802 00:41:05,920 --> 00:41:08,840 Speaker 2: mi'nd the cute. But when you drink, he's like, really. 803 00:41:09,840 --> 00:41:13,480 Speaker 1: Oh, yes, you'll have those experiences. You just have a 804 00:41:13,520 --> 00:41:17,759 Speaker 1: different level of clarity and authenticity and vulnerability when you 805 00:41:17,840 --> 00:41:21,120 Speaker 1: date alcohol free, and that vulnerability can feel a lot 806 00:41:21,200 --> 00:41:23,480 Speaker 1: like anxiety. But let me tell you what like from 807 00:41:23,480 --> 00:41:26,000 Speaker 1: your experience too, Like, you know, it's just easier to 808 00:41:27,200 --> 00:41:29,800 Speaker 1: know if this person is someone you want to spend 809 00:41:29,800 --> 00:41:32,479 Speaker 1: more time with when you're not drinking. And I can't 810 00:41:32,520 --> 00:41:35,080 Speaker 1: tell you how many times that I let a date 811 00:41:35,320 --> 00:41:39,120 Speaker 1: kind of linger on or you know, you know, made 812 00:41:39,160 --> 00:41:42,439 Speaker 1: out with someone or whatever else with someone because they 813 00:41:42,680 --> 00:41:45,160 Speaker 1: looked a lot better on paper when I was drinking. 814 00:41:45,320 --> 00:41:48,239 Speaker 1: And now that isn't. I'm so clear headed and so 815 00:41:48,360 --> 00:41:51,280 Speaker 1: much more myself, and if that self is awkward sometimes, 816 00:41:51,320 --> 00:41:53,400 Speaker 1: then so be it, because if this is going to 817 00:41:53,440 --> 00:41:55,600 Speaker 1: be my person, like, they need to see that awkward 818 00:41:55,640 --> 00:41:58,719 Speaker 1: part of me too, and I want to see that 819 00:41:58,800 --> 00:42:01,120 Speaker 1: part of them. And so so you know, it sounds 820 00:42:01,200 --> 00:42:03,560 Speaker 1: kind of like Pollyanna, like, oh, I've heard things just 821 00:42:03,600 --> 00:42:07,040 Speaker 1: so much better. But it is, and I feel so 822 00:42:07,160 --> 00:42:10,560 Speaker 1: much more confident, in secure in the decisions that I 823 00:42:10,680 --> 00:42:13,319 Speaker 1: make dating or beyond, so I agree. I think it's 824 00:42:13,360 --> 00:42:16,480 Speaker 1: just been a it's been a great experience to date 825 00:42:16,520 --> 00:42:17,560 Speaker 1: alcohol free. 826 00:42:17,840 --> 00:42:20,360 Speaker 2: Yeah. Well, Amanda, if anyone wants to work with you 827 00:42:20,440 --> 00:42:22,399 Speaker 2: or just follow along on your journey, where else can 828 00:42:22,400 --> 00:42:23,080 Speaker 2: they find you? 829 00:42:23,480 --> 00:42:26,480 Speaker 1: I am everywhere on the internet at Amanda Pudah and 830 00:42:26,480 --> 00:42:29,560 Speaker 1: that's ku da. I mostly hang out on Instagram, but 831 00:42:29,920 --> 00:42:32,840 Speaker 1: sometimes on TikTok and on my website, and if anything 832 00:42:32,880 --> 00:42:35,000 Speaker 1: I shared here resonates, I'd love to hear from you. 833 00:42:35,040 --> 00:42:38,120 Speaker 1: I love getting dms about your stories and your journeys 834 00:42:38,200 --> 00:42:40,120 Speaker 1: and that just warms my heart and brightens my day. 835 00:42:40,719 --> 00:42:43,359 Speaker 2: And your questions. If you guys message me about being 836 00:42:43,400 --> 00:42:45,120 Speaker 2: alcohol free, I'm just going to send you to Amanda 837 00:42:45,160 --> 00:42:48,480 Speaker 2: from now. Yeah, slid into heard dms with all your 838 00:42:48,520 --> 00:42:51,399 Speaker 2: questions about sober curiosity and how to get started. Thank 839 00:42:51,440 --> 00:42:53,160 Speaker 2: you so much for being here. I really enjoyed this 840 00:42:53,200 --> 00:42:54,799 Speaker 2: conversation me as well.