Speaker 1: Wind Down with Jane Kramer, and I've heard radio podcast
Speaker 1: I have to pee so bad. Of course you do.
Speaker 1: This is what I do. Jenna thinks it's inconvenient to
Speaker 1: pee during her day. I think it's the most time consuming,
Speaker 1: most time time consuming, so time consuming. I have to
Speaker 1: force you to go to the bathroom, like I'll ask Brian.
Speaker 1: When I asked Jolie, I'm like, Jolie and Janna, do
Speaker 1: you have to go to the bathroom. If you do,
Speaker 1: tell Daddie and I'll help you. I get both you
Speaker 1: at the same time. Well, no, even at the airport,
Speaker 1: You're like, I have to pee. I'm like, god like, no,
Speaker 1: because and that just wasted five minutes to have to
Speaker 1: Now we have to walk down. We could have been
Speaker 1: home five minutes sooner. Uh we had to sit in
Speaker 1: an hour of l A traffic on the way home,
Speaker 1: and you wanted to sit that way having to pee. Okay,
Speaker 1: you you literally forced me to go to the bathroom. Yes,
Speaker 1: I do, like Janna, go to the bathroom. And it's
Speaker 1: like Jolie, I treat you guys the same. Put you
Speaker 1: both on your little potties next to each other, the
Speaker 1: white both of you. No, I just I don't know
Speaker 1: what it is, but I knew I had to pee.
Speaker 1: I had to actually pee about an hour and a
Speaker 1: half ago. But again it's there's so many things I
Speaker 1: have to do before I use the bathroom. Like my
Speaker 1: friend Rachel and I were talking about this when they
Speaker 1: came to visit um over the holidays, and I said,
Speaker 1: I have to go to the bathroom, but then I'm
Speaker 1: not going to go because I have to do I
Speaker 1: have to I walk past the laundry, so I have
Speaker 1: to put the laundry in the dryer, and then I'll
Speaker 1: stop by the refrigerator because I'll probably have to make
Speaker 1: something for Jolie. And then I'll see something on the
Speaker 1: counter that I have to do, and then I'll take
Speaker 1: a phone call and then it's five hours later and
Speaker 1: I'm like, I have a bladder infection. Meanwhile, if I
Speaker 1: feel like I have to go to the bathroom just
Speaker 1: a little bit, I'm like, you know what, it's a
Speaker 1: good time. I'm gonna go in the bathroom and I'm
Speaker 1: gonna stop whatever it is I'm doing in that moment
Speaker 1: to go have my time and secualary. And I realized
Speaker 1: now that why when I was a kid, why my
Speaker 1: dad would take so long in the bathroom where they
Speaker 1: had to go numb. One or two, I realized it
Speaker 1: was escaped from the kids. And now I'm realizing I'm
Speaker 1: becoming that guy. But here's the thing that's what's so
Speaker 1: frustrating is because I know when I know when you're
Speaker 1: in the bathroom, because it's at least twenty to thirty
Speaker 1: minutes of where's daddie and you're I opened the door
Speaker 1: and you're playing like Solitaire on your on your phone
Speaker 1: or something that would be more realistic five minutes, but
Speaker 1: even five minutes feels like a longer time. It's your
Speaker 1: feet will go, my legs like go to sleep. If
Speaker 1: I sit on there any longer than that, that's when
Speaker 1: you know you're on too long. When I stand up
Speaker 1: or something and like my feet are tingling because they
Speaker 1: fell asleep from sitting down too long. I love that
Speaker 1: this is just become a full on conversation. But since
Speaker 1: we're on this topic about the kids, I see Julie
Speaker 1: doesn't let me go to the bathroom because the other
Speaker 1: day I actually sat down because I had to pooh,
Speaker 1: and so Julie comes in. She she was mommy poopoo,
Speaker 1: and I was like, can I just have five minutes?
Speaker 1: Even when I had take five minutes, I still don't
Speaker 1: get five minutes. I understand she Uli does that to
Speaker 1: me too. But what's funny you there about you when
Speaker 1: is when you're like, hey, can can you hold Jason?
Speaker 1: I have to give a bathroom and I'll be in
Speaker 1: the middle of doing something and you're like, hey, can
Speaker 1: you hold it? And I'm in my head, I'm like,
Speaker 1: what do you do when I'm not here? Like do
Speaker 1: you actually with him in my arm? Literally? It was
Speaker 1: so I was like I had to go so bad
Speaker 1: I couldn't put him down and kept crying. So I
Speaker 1: was like, all right, Jason in the party with me
Speaker 1: one arm cradling him, and I'm like wiping a button.
Speaker 1: That's a parent right there. Parent life. Anyways, Well that
Speaker 1: was a fun little topic for you. There you go
Speaker 1: put I'm bump boom, and I still have to pee
Speaker 1: ladies and gentlemen. So we have Jillian Michael's calling in
Speaker 1: any minute. And I just do realize how big of
Speaker 1: a fan I am of hers. I thought I did
Speaker 1: until you started geeking out. I know. So I'm such
Speaker 1: a big fan of hers that I actually went to
Speaker 1: one of the Biggest Loser Finette live tapings in l a. I.
Speaker 1: I just think it's so good. She's so mean, but
Speaker 1: she's just like awesome. She's like the abbe Leie Miller
Speaker 1: of of workouts, of weight loss, you have weight loss.
Speaker 1: I feel like that's you have that persona in you.
Speaker 1: You just wish you could be more mean, Like you're
Speaker 1: you're already in Alpha and the Boss, but you wish
Speaker 1: you had more mean in your body. Yeah, like like that.
Speaker 1: I feel like I have a lot of people listening
Speaker 1: right now, like Kathink like, well, you can kind of
Speaker 1: be me. Oh, you definitely can. The one is closest
Speaker 1: to you. We definitely know you can be. But your
Speaker 1: heart is still in a good place. Um, there's something
Speaker 1: else that's gonna say about her. Oh so there's this
Speaker 1: stuff going around right now that she totally diss the
Speaker 1: Keto diet, and so so what does the Keto diet into?
Speaker 1: Keto diet is basically the whole thirty but it lets
Speaker 1: you have wine, and it lets you have some fruits,
Speaker 1: not all thru it. Lets you have Um. It basically
Speaker 1: is putting your body to ketosis is that the right word.
Speaker 1: No idea is that markya. So there's certain things you
Speaker 1: can have. It's it's very similar to the Whole thirty.
Speaker 1: But she hate eat it on it and I'll broker
Speaker 1: a few other people or Andy Cohen just said, well,
Speaker 1: basically dissed her back. So I'm really curious to see
Speaker 1: what she thinks. Because we tried the Whole thirty and
Speaker 1: I wanted to quit every two. I was like, Michael,
Speaker 1: come on, we don't have to do this. We don't
Speaker 1: have to deprive help justifying everything. I just really wanted
Speaker 1: my glass of wine. So I'm on the on the
Speaker 1: Wine thirty, That's what I'm calling. So I'm still doing
Speaker 1: the whole thirty, but I'm letting myself drink wine because
Speaker 1: why the f not. I sent a text message to
Speaker 1: Juliet I go, look, I am thirty five year old
Speaker 1: making adults. If I want to have it a thin
Speaker 1: glass of wine, I'm going to have one because I
Speaker 1: can sound like a lot of justification, rationalization, whatever right
Speaker 1: now what everyone does when they have like a New
Speaker 1: Year's resolution, Everyone's just like, you know what, I'm an adult. No,
Speaker 1: I'm still I'm still following some of the rules for
Speaker 1: the month. We're following a lot of the rules. Besides
Speaker 1: But besides that, I'm pretty sure it was a dirty compliance.
Speaker 1: I thought you said we weren't doing that. I wasn't
Speaker 1: until I saw it. I'm gonna have two lasses one.
Speaker 1: It's not my fault. What do you think you're gonna
Speaker 1: ask Jillian work out questions? There is going to be
Speaker 1: more like workout No, not workout questions. I'm interested. I
Speaker 1: wrote two things down which I can just ask her
Speaker 1: on there. Okay, well that was fun, has a lot
Speaker 1: of fun. Would you like me to you want to
Speaker 1: discuss the questions down? Out of all the things she's done,
Speaker 1: she's done a ton, right, what is she most proud of?
Speaker 1: Probably her kids? You know, shed were accomplishment, most proud of,
Speaker 1: most proud of, most proud of you say, I don't talk. Oh.
Speaker 1: By the way, we got into an argument the other
Speaker 1: day in Mark and Michael was the biggest a hole
Speaker 1: in the whole entire place. We've talked about this. You're
Speaker 1: supposed to save all arguments for this podcast. I know, well,
Speaker 1: this one we could not table. So we got into
Speaker 1: probably our first blowout in a minute. Yeah, it was
Speaker 1: a while and so we have some old behaviors come
Speaker 1: off for like, we both kind of pretended it didn't happen.
Speaker 1: I did talk to my therapist about it though, so
Speaker 1: we did. Are we going to process it with our
Speaker 1: couples therapists? We can keep him in the dark to know, Okay. Well, anyways,
Speaker 1: so we're in we're in the bed and he's being
Speaker 1: really mean because he gets really mean when we argue,
Speaker 1: Like he says really nasty things when I when I
Speaker 1: go offline, I can be mean. By the way, though, sidebar,
Speaker 1: when people go offline, they also can kill spouses. So
Speaker 1: that scares me when you say, well, when I go offline,
Speaker 1: I say mean things. I'm not a monster. Maybe these
Speaker 1: people are. They are. I'm just saying, you know, things
Speaker 1: people can go offline. You never know what to do. Anyways,
Speaker 1: we got into this argument and he made fun of
Speaker 1: how I talk. Maybe if you speak clearer and I
Speaker 1: that shooting. I just no. He basically says that I
Speaker 1: don't talk right. You don't talk right. No, it's just
Speaker 1: you have a different vocabulary than others. So basically, if
Speaker 1: I said, because the charger thing, the power outlet I'm
Speaker 1: looking at on the wall, a chargers charges things. So
Speaker 1: she said, she said, there's a charger in the living room.
Speaker 1: And I got the liver room and look for a
Speaker 1: charger and there's not a charger out there. And I said,
Speaker 1: there's not a charger. Say, kid, you know what the
Speaker 1: way the thing you plug stuff in like the charger.
Speaker 1: I'm like, you mean the power outlets are that thing?
Speaker 1: So God bless you, honey. Anyways, but you mocked me,
Speaker 1: and that wasn't very nice. I don't know where I
Speaker 1: was going with that, but that canvy would lead to
Speaker 1: the argument. No, the argument, we can't talk about it
Speaker 1: on air. I got triggered. Oh this is what happened.
Speaker 1: So I got triggered by something and he was also
Speaker 1: thinking about So I got giggered, and I will in
Speaker 1: that moment, I would have liked if he acknowledged the
Speaker 1: trigger because he was also thinking it too, and I
Speaker 1: wasn't ready to say, Hey, a great topical, Jillian. So
Speaker 1: let's definitely talk about this. Okay, we have to call
Speaker 1: it right now, yes, but this is a good tease,
Speaker 1: so you will elaborate more after we talk to Jillian.
Speaker 1: I just love your voice. Marks stay tuned. We'll we'll
Speaker 1: elaborate more after we talk to Jillian. Okay, So Michael
Speaker 1: and I are moving to Nashville and we are knee
Speaker 1: deep right now in designing our home, which is what
Speaker 1: I'm so excited about joy Bird. So each Joybird piece,
Speaker 1: it's furniture. It's made by hand with care and precision,
Speaker 1: using high quality hardwood and responsibly sourced materials to fit
Speaker 1: your exact specifications. They're also a limited lifetime warranty included.
Speaker 1: So the best part is that there is a three
Speaker 1: sixty five day home trial, so you skip the furniture
Speaker 1: store and you basically bring the showroom home. You get
Speaker 1: to sit on it, sleep on it, and break it in.
Speaker 1: And if you don't love your Joybird, you return it
Speaker 1: for a full ref and it's hassle free in home delivery,
Speaker 1: but even remove all the packaging materials and you get
Speaker 1: free returns within two weeks a delivery. So I just
Speaker 1: ordered the Soto chair and Taylor felt gray in maplewood.
Speaker 1: It's really clean lines, perfect size to put under a
Speaker 1: standing lamp or in the corner with a blanket draped
Speaker 1: over it. It's actually going in our room, sweetheart. So yeah, Slash,
Speaker 1: So see how joyboard is revolutionizing online furniture shopping. Create
Speaker 1: the furniture that brings you joy today at joybird dot
Speaker 1: com slash Janna. Go to joybird dot com slash Janet
Speaker 1: and receive an exclusive offer off your first order by
Speaker 1: using the code Janna. Along with our new furniture, we're
Speaker 1: also going to be outfitting all of our rooms in
Speaker 1: our house with the best sheets out there. Brooklynnon You
Speaker 1: start a third of your life in your sheets, so
Speaker 1: if you're looking for a New Years resolution, better sleep
Speaker 1: is a great place to start the whole new year
Speaker 1: new You add new sheets to that. She's just don't
Speaker 1: feel amazing, but they look great. To make a match
Speaker 1: of her twenty plus colors and patterns, Janna and I
Speaker 1: got a different color and pattern for each room just
Speaker 1: to keep it fresh. It's awesome. Brooklyn dot com is
Speaker 1: giving an exclusive offer just for our listeners. Get twenty
Speaker 1: dollars off and free shipping when you use promo code
Speaker 1: Joanna at brooklyn and dot com. Brooklyn and is so
Speaker 1: confident in their product that all their sheets, comforters, and
Speaker 1: towels come with a lifetime warranty. The only way to
Speaker 1: get twenty dollars off and free shipping is to use
Speaker 1: promo code Joanna at Brooklyn and dot com. That's b
Speaker 1: r O O KA l I N e N dot
Speaker 1: com promo code Joanna. Hey, Jillian, Mike good, Um, how
Speaker 1: are you? Oh good? We've been a little bit hectic lately,
Speaker 1: but good. So you're in New York right now? Right?
Speaker 1: I was talking your Instagram last night because I'm a
Speaker 1: massive fan. So you're in New York promoting your book right? Oh? Well,
Speaker 1: thank you. It's totally mutual, and yes, that is. We
Speaker 1: were in Toronto and now we're in New York, so
Speaker 1: I know how crazy today and the book tour is
Speaker 1: for you. But I'm just we're so thankful that you
Speaker 1: um called in because again, like I said, I've been
Speaker 1: a huge fan of yours for a long time, so
Speaker 1: I'm just I'm super excited. I know, I know we
Speaker 1: only have you for ten minutes, so we're going to
Speaker 1: drill you right now. Is that cool? Oh? Please? Yeah? Absolutely? Okay,
Speaker 1: so obviously we have to talk about the drama that's
Speaker 1: going on right now about the Keto diet and the
Speaker 1: things that you than. I'm so sorry. Can we talk
Speaker 1: about that? Okay? Honestly, I think it's kind of ridiculous
Speaker 1: because it's so ridiculous, and the fact that they fired
Speaker 1: back like that honestly pissed me off. And I wanted
Speaker 1: to be like she was just obviously you know more
Speaker 1: than they know, because you're it's my job exactly. It's
Speaker 1: like it's like, um, you talking about being an anchor
Speaker 1: person or a host, you know, doing their job, right.
Speaker 1: I mean, it's But what's interesting about this is that
Speaker 1: I've been two years researching this last book, and I
Speaker 1: had a co author, which I very rarely do, specialized
Speaker 1: in the space of anti aging, and you know, we
Speaker 1: together review hundreds of studies, interviewed the top These guys
Speaker 1: are called euroscientists. WI, you're scientists that specialize in anti aging.
Speaker 1: I personally work with the top end of chronologists, registered dietitians. Like,
Speaker 1: this information is not coming from me personally. I didn't
Speaker 1: just come out and go, you know what I have
Speaker 1: in the band like this is this is science. So
Speaker 1: by the way, it's also a common sense. But you know,
Speaker 1: so for keto diet, what is what is the problem
Speaker 1: that you're there? They're basically you're not getting the nutrients
Speaker 1: that you should be getting. It's a kind of a
Speaker 1: long answer, right, because there are so many problems with it.
Speaker 1: So I mean, let's first look at what the diet
Speaker 1: of spouses. And it's kind of tough to get to
Speaker 1: really pin someone down because people do different versions of it.
Speaker 1: So for example, I'm so sorry. I think my eight
Speaker 1: year old is dancing in the room and I love
Speaker 1: the dancing and the singing, but if we could keep
Speaker 1: the singing just right now? Uh? And I, by the way,
Speaker 1: I remember seeing you a tailgate best with your little
Speaker 1: girl on stage, so I know that you're I totally
Speaker 1: understand through. Please forgive the background noise. But um, so
Speaker 1: thinking it as follows, right, First of all, what keto
Speaker 1: are most keto people talk about is like, well, it's
Speaker 1: low card, right, And the whole key is to be
Speaker 1: in ketosis, which means you're depriving your body of carbohydrates
Speaker 1: to the point of what is quite honestly considered a
Speaker 1: state of medical emergency, and the body then starts burning
Speaker 1: through fat at an accelerated pace, and we think, well
Speaker 1: that's great, right, Like who wouldn't think that's great because
Speaker 1: there's no other source of fuel. In addition, people with
Speaker 1: infulin related health issues like type two diabetes or polycystical
Speaker 1: variant syndrome. Are saying, oh, well, you know it's helped
Speaker 1: me reverse all these conditions, And you'd also think, well,
Speaker 1: that would be great, right, But the reality is that
Speaker 1: you can do all those things with common sense eating
Speaker 1: balanced macronutrients right, restricting your calories, and work not on
Speaker 1: a consistent basis. Because by the way, I had pc
Speaker 1: US as a kid, I was overweight as a teenager,
Speaker 1: and I not only have kept myself help eating common sense,
Speaker 1: clean foods, balance macros, but it's helped thousands of other
Speaker 1: people achieved the exact same thing. So point being, you
Speaker 1: can get all the good with a healthy diet that
Speaker 1: has none of the side effects. Now, yeah, I wasna
Speaker 1: because Michael and I, Michael and I challenged ourselves to
Speaker 1: do the Whole thirty this month. We've we've already quit.
Speaker 1: But do you do you feel this? Do you feel
Speaker 1: do you feel the same way about the whole thirty? No?
Speaker 1: I mean this is the whole thirty is just whole
Speaker 1: foods right for thirty days? Yeah, but no wine, Jillian,
Speaker 1: no wine. Okay, I'm a mama too, Okay, Okay, So
Speaker 1: you know what's interesting about that. So basically just just
Speaker 1: kind of drop up on the key too. You're you're
Speaker 1: you're starving your body of fiber micronutrients, which are vitamins
Speaker 1: and minerals when you cut out food groups um of
Speaker 1: macro nutrients. Right, so yoursells are made up of seen
Speaker 1: fat and carve. We've seen that diets high and saturated
Speaker 1: fats and animal protein are bad for achilomeres, which would
Speaker 1: these little taps in your DNA strands that protect yourself.
Speaker 1: It's taxing on the liver, it's taxing on your adrenal system,
Speaker 1: it's taxing on your thyroid, and the list goes on
Speaker 1: and on and on. So when you look in the
Speaker 1: mirror and you think you've lost weight, you're you're not
Speaker 1: seeing the damage you're doing to your inside long term.
Speaker 1: So again we could go on and on and on,
Speaker 1: and I write all about it in the book. But well,
Speaker 1: we're talking about wine. That's actually a very This is
Speaker 1: something I act. I did a bit of it about
Speaker 1: faith because for years, alcohol is not great when you're
Speaker 1: trying to lose weight, right, So I would say that
Speaker 1: you know you've got to stop drinking if you're trying
Speaker 1: to lose weight, but when it comes to longevity up
Speaker 1: to they say to drinks at night, and I was
Speaker 1: just in my mind, I was like, Okay, that's it's
Speaker 1: a lot of alcohol over the course of a lifetime.
Speaker 1: And we do know that drinking too much is related
Speaker 1: to ovarian cancer, breast cancer and can contribute to ABC. Okay,
Speaker 1: so think six to eight drinks a week max. And
Speaker 1: no more than two to three max. A night. It's fine.
Speaker 1: I just want I just want one a night, Jillian,
Speaker 1: one a night. That's fine. That's good for you. So
Speaker 1: especially brand the aging. It helps to remove amyloid plaques
Speaker 1: associated with Alzheimer's from from your brain. Literally, it's like
Speaker 1: a bath for your brain. It helps keep your liver
Speaker 1: primed with specific enzymes and improved detoxification and digestion. Because
Speaker 1: when we really talk detox like that's the job of
Speaker 1: your liver. Nothing else is doing that except your long
Speaker 1: your liver. Just mean, it's not sweating, it's not starvation
Speaker 1: and not eating, it's making sure those organs function optimally
Speaker 1: and keeping your liver prime to a little bit of
Speaker 1: alcohol actually helps you do that. Um and red wine
Speaker 1: has a lot of anti axims and polyphenos in it
Speaker 1: like resveratrol to help fight free radicals. So you're you're
Speaker 1: doing fine. There Can we drink wine together sometime? I
Speaker 1: would love to. That's the that's jan is happy, she's
Speaker 1: set for the day. She she just needed to know
Speaker 1: that she can hang out with you and also justify
Speaker 1: her wine drinking because we eat healthy right, And that's
Speaker 1: and that's the thing too that brings me to my question,
Speaker 1: Jillian is obviously so many people across the country, especially
Speaker 1: during the month of January, you know, New Year, knew
Speaker 1: me and all that stuff. They want to diet, they
Speaker 1: want to work out. What is your advice from your profession,
Speaker 1: your experience for someone you know who is trying to
Speaker 1: change their eating habits or workout habits, what's their advice?
Speaker 1: What's advice for them to like stick to it? Okay, First,
Speaker 1: I would say a balanced approach, one that isn't too
Speaker 1: extreme one way or another, whether it's fitness or food,
Speaker 1: it is not only better for you, but it's more sustainable.
Speaker 1: But the second thing is that at the end of
Speaker 1: the day, anything worth having right, whether it's a flourishing career,
Speaker 1: a healthy relationship, a healthy body is going to require
Speaker 1: work and some sacrifice. But if you have a why,
Speaker 1: you can tolerate the how. And how is the work
Speaker 1: on the sacrifice associated with the goal. Then that's why
Speaker 1: I always say, like, work with a purpose becomes passion,
Speaker 1: but work without purpose just feels punishing. And I think
Speaker 1: we already feel punished up by the stressors of our
Speaker 1: daily lives. You're really gonna stop and think, how is
Speaker 1: my life going to improve? I go to the gym
Speaker 1: for twentyman's stay instead of you know, just going home
Speaker 1: and picking up take out and sitting on the couch
Speaker 1: to watch my favorite show because it sounds good to
Speaker 1: me in this moment. And I mean, like details, is
Speaker 1: it meeting your kids kids, is it looking good in
Speaker 1: a wedding dress? Is it wearing a two piece instead
Speaker 1: of a one piece? Is it sexy with the light song?
Speaker 1: Which I happen to think is greatly overrated? But you
Speaker 1: know what, it's the day from us, So you know
Speaker 1: why I cut out our options. It doesn't matter what
Speaker 1: the reasoning is, as long as you care about it,
Speaker 1: and if you care enough, you'll do the work and
Speaker 1: it will be worth it. That's fantastic and so relaying
Speaker 1: that message everybody. What's your y every day, Jillian, Like,
Speaker 1: what motivates you to do the work that you do
Speaker 1: across the board? I have so many right of course, now,
Speaker 1: like you guys, I have young kids and I want
Speaker 1: to be around for them. I want to meet their kids.
Speaker 1: I would love to meet their kids kids. I want
Speaker 1: to set an example for my kids. I want to
Speaker 1: be the mom that's like powerful and strong and on
Speaker 1: this geeselopes with them, shooting hoops with them, not like
Speaker 1: on the sideline, you know, kind of with a soda
Speaker 1: in my hand. Not that I judge any of their parents,
Speaker 1: but for my kids, I want to be in their lives,
Speaker 1: not on the sidelines of their lives. And I want
Speaker 1: to show them it's okay to make time for yourself.
Speaker 1: It's okay to make yourself a priority because then you're
Speaker 1: better able to support other people. So family, of course
Speaker 1: would be number one. And you know what, like any
Speaker 1: other human, I want to look good. I want to
Speaker 1: feel good about my body and feel comfortable in my
Speaker 1: own skin. I want to wear skinny jeans and feel
Speaker 1: good in them. And I don't think there's anything wrong
Speaker 1: with that, and it doesn't mean, you shouldn't feel good
Speaker 1: at any size. I just personally feel better when I'm
Speaker 1: a size four. You know, that's what I feel, healthy
Speaker 1: and strong. That's amazing. So, Jillian, you have your new
Speaker 1: book out right now. It's The Six Keys unlot To
Speaker 1: you know. I don't let you just use it because
Speaker 1: because I just got time. Time. It's The Six Keys
Speaker 1: to Unlock your Genetic Potential for ageless health, strength and beauty.
Speaker 1: And bottom line's an anti aging book and I'm not
Speaker 1: afraid to say that. And the whole idea is that
Speaker 1: we should want to be the best version of ourselves
Speaker 1: for years to come. So whether you your grandparents had
Speaker 1: Alzheimer's and you want to prevent it um or take
Speaker 1: every stuff you can to prevent it, or again you
Speaker 1: just want to look and feel great in every decade
Speaker 1: of your life, this book is designed to help you
Speaker 1: do that. Well, Gillian, we love you. I love everything
Speaker 1: you're about. So thank you so much for coming on
Speaker 1: the show and to talk to us. We appreciate it.
Speaker 1: And good luck with your book. I'm going to get
Speaker 1: it right now. I'm gonna I'm gonna hold you to
Speaker 1: that wine day the next time we're in the same
Speaker 1: Oh yes, please, all right, Julian, Okay, thanks. She wants
Speaker 1: to have wine with me. That's amazing. I just like
Speaker 1: the fact that she's because when I work out with Aaron,
Speaker 1: she'll be like, no wine. It's like Aaron, you know,
Speaker 1: I'm going to have wine. But I think it's all about,
Speaker 1: like she said, it's moderation. It's not about starving your
Speaker 1: body of things. And I think when we did the
Speaker 1: whole thirty we started, we took away things that we
Speaker 1: like your sandwich is, yes, do you have to have
Speaker 1: a sandwich every single day and have breads and passes? No,
Speaker 1: But it's things in moderation, which I think is important
Speaker 1: instead of just completely taking everything out of your diet.
Speaker 1: Because we're going to put those things back in even
Speaker 1: though I'm not doing I'm you know, I'm not doing
Speaker 1: cheese or dairy this month, and and carbs grains, but
Speaker 1: I'm gonna eventually have those again. So why why don't
Speaker 1: I I don't know, it's just it's gonna be just
Speaker 1: so fat to me. No, And that's a thing, like
Speaker 1: Jillian was saying, it's all about balance, whatever kind of
Speaker 1: change you make in your life. And if people just
Speaker 1: drastically change everything they do for a new year, their
Speaker 1: new New Year's resolution. Then just that just added adds
Speaker 1: so much stress onto whatever stress they already have in
Speaker 1: their life. Granted, it depends on your mentality too, Like
Speaker 1: for me personally, personally, speak for yourself. Um, I know
Speaker 1: that for like carbs, for sandwiches and everything. I just
Speaker 1: love a sandwich at lunch. I have to cut it
Speaker 1: out completely. What you can't just have one otherwise I'm
Speaker 1: just saying for the time being, like for this month,
Speaker 1: because yeah, otherwise I will have one one day and
Speaker 1: it's like I hadn't we yesterday, I'll have another that
Speaker 1: was really good. I'll have another one the next thing.
Speaker 1: You know, it's like four days in a row I
Speaker 1: had a sandwich, and if you want a sandwich, I know,
Speaker 1: I know, But then you know, what's the point of
Speaker 1: even unquote doing a diet if we're not going to
Speaker 1: do something. I'm just trying to break my habits, which
Speaker 1: is why I wanted to do this begin with, not
Speaker 1: have the protein bar every single morning, actually make breakfast,
Speaker 1: and we've made lunches and had salads or and I
Speaker 1: never eat lunch, and actually eating real fits you never
Speaker 1: ate lunch. I always had sandwiches, So now we're actually
Speaker 1: having substantial meals at lunch. Oh. I do have a
Speaker 1: question though, for you that they about working out. So
Speaker 1: I've made the workouts for the calendar, but yet you've
Speaker 1: not come out to work out. So you say you
Speaker 1: want to work out, and I put it on the calendar,
Speaker 1: then why don't you fall through with it? So you're
Speaker 1: being basically you're doing I never but the thing I
Speaker 1: never said committed. I never said yeah, absolutely, I'll do
Speaker 1: I'll be there. I just thought you wanted to work
Speaker 1: out with me. For you, I think for me, the
Speaker 1: times that you work out are my least motivating times
Speaker 1: in the day. When do you want to work out?
Speaker 1: In my in my career and everything, I was mostly
Speaker 1: first thing in the morning, like six am now, right,
Speaker 1: But again now we have kids and all that, so
Speaker 1: that's just not a realistic thing when we're up with
Speaker 1: the infant right now. Um. By the way, Michael got
Speaker 1: rule ups at last night and he slammed his hand
Speaker 1: to the wall glass that was rough was a zombie.
Speaker 1: I don't even remember that, really, you don't, not really
Speaker 1: I do. I remember you going good and then next
Speaker 1: thing I know here hand to the I was like, Michael,
Speaker 1: switch now immediately go to bed. He said, no, under,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna get him. Go to the room immediately with
Speaker 1: my tail between my legs and head down. Well, sometimes
Speaker 1: it can be so frustrating when they keep crying, but
Speaker 1: that's when you that's when we got to tag out bed.
Speaker 1: But anyways, so I either first thing in the morning
Speaker 1: or later at night. It's just your time isn't motivating
Speaker 1: for me, So I just have to find my own
Speaker 1: time tapping up. So along with Michael and I eating healthy,
Speaker 1: we're also adding in a healthier overall lifestyle so you
Speaker 1: can ditch all the expensive gym membership, personal trainers, and nutritionalists.
Speaker 1: So with NOM, okay, they help you educate on a
Speaker 1: healthier lifestyle and habits. NOOM doesn't say you can't have
Speaker 1: certain foods, so that means you can have things in moderation,
Speaker 1: and that's exactly what they're teaching you. Weight losses in
Speaker 1: the palm of your hand, literally on your phone, whenever
Speaker 1: and wherever you need it. You don't have to be
Speaker 1: a celebrity to have personalized training of your own support system.
Speaker 1: What I also love about Noon too, is that there's
Speaker 1: a community there for you. There's group discussions with fellow
Speaker 1: new members to keep you encouraged, and then all for
Speaker 1: less than the price of a single appointment with a
Speaker 1: nutritionalist or personal trainer. And it's so easy. I just
Speaker 1: had to take the thirty second quiz and they emailed
Speaker 1: me a custom course that would help me reach the
Speaker 1: goal that I want. They even sent out a fourteen
Speaker 1: page packet covering details of your goals for your health
Speaker 1: and mental wellness, you're eating habits, and what new eating
Speaker 1: habits you want. It's literally an online nutritionist num is
Speaker 1: designed for your results. Meet your resolutions by signing up
Speaker 1: for your trial today at noon and O O M
Speaker 1: dot com slash Jana, what do you have to lose?
Speaker 1: Visit noon dot com slash Jane to start your trial
Speaker 1: toy again, that's nooon dot com slash Janna start losing
Speaker 1: weight for good. You know I hate when an easy
Speaker 1: task takes up a lot of your day. Well, also,
Speaker 1: you just did this with Jolie and you wanted to
Speaker 1: pull your hair out. Oh wait, you don't have hair
Speaker 1: my back heart that works. I'm gonna stop going the
Speaker 1: post office to send letters and packages. Were not telling
Speaker 1: you about Stamp style, I know you have, And finally
Speaker 1: I'm giving in. Jana has been on it for a while.
Speaker 1: Now I'm conforming. Stamps dot Com brings all the amazing
Speaker 1: services of the US Postal Service right to your computer.
Speaker 1: Not only saves you time, it saves you money as well.
Speaker 1: And they send you a scale too, So if you're
Speaker 1: sending a package, it's super super easy and convenient and
Speaker 1: reliable and efficient. And right now you two can enjoy
Speaker 1: the Stamps dot Com service at the special offer that
Speaker 1: includes a four week trial plus postage and like I said,
Speaker 1: the digital scale. So start the new year off right.
Speaker 1: Go to stamps dot com, click on the microphone at
Speaker 1: the top of the homepage and type in Janna. That's
Speaker 1: Stamps dot com and enter Janna. All right, so it's
Speaker 1: fertility time. Dr Kristen Bendixon is going to be on
Speaker 1: the phone. We're dialing in her right now. She's an
Speaker 1: assistant professor of I can never say this word at
Speaker 1: gunecology at USC. Kristen. Yeah, sorry, Dr Kristen. Um. This
Speaker 1: is Janna and Mike. Hi. I'm good. How are you guys? Good?
Speaker 1: So we're super excited to talk to you because Michael
Speaker 1: and I did an event a couple of weeks ago.
Speaker 1: We did a live podcast event down in Santa Monica
Speaker 1: and we held basically a live Q and A for
Speaker 1: people to our fans to ask us questions. And one
Speaker 1: of the reoccurring questions that came up time and time
Speaker 1: again was about infertility, and so that's why we wanted
Speaker 1: to have you on talk Um talk a little bit
Speaker 1: more about infertility. And then also we really want people
Speaker 1: to email their questions into so we'd love to have
Speaker 1: you back on the show so you could uh answer
Speaker 1: some of the questions that come in love It sounds great, Okay, awesome?
Speaker 1: Who So, uh, Michael and I have done a couple
Speaker 1: of rounds of ivf UM and so we of now
Speaker 1: two kids. So we are we are officially I believe
Speaker 1: I think done having kids. But are you ever officially done?
Speaker 1: Well that's the thing. Michael's about to make his snipped
Speaker 1: appointment and I was driving in the car. Didn't tell
Speaker 1: his babe, but I was like, I mean, maybe maybe
Speaker 1: we should try. I don't know. After last night, I
Speaker 1: was like, yeah, we're done. We do. We have a
Speaker 1: seven week old and so he's in the midst of Yes. No,
Speaker 1: my kids are ten and twelve, but I remember those
Speaker 1: days very vividly. But I do have a question though
Speaker 1: about if that was to happen. So, you know, I'm
Speaker 1: I'm thirty five, so technically I'm geriatric pregnancy. I'd be
Speaker 1: geriatric pregnancy, right, No, I thought, compared to my patience,
Speaker 1: you're young. Well technically the thirty five isn't that geriatric?
Speaker 1: Was that they call it? No, No one goes. I mean,
Speaker 1: it's horrible to call anything geriatric. But um, I mean
Speaker 1: I think after the age of thirty five, there are
Speaker 1: can it harder to get pregnant? Um, there can be
Speaker 1: more complications and so um, you know, you just have
Speaker 1: to kind of keep up closer eye on certain things.
Speaker 1: But most pregnancies really aren't that different after the age
Speaker 1: of thirty five than before. Christian what about it biologically
Speaker 1: make like causes uh more difficulty once a woman is
Speaker 1: because thirty five is relatively young still in the big
Speaker 1: picture of life, what about it makes it so much
Speaker 1: more difficult about getting pregnant or in the pregnancy Sapa
Speaker 1: Bross both getting pregnant and also any and the increased
Speaker 1: risk of complications throughout pregnancy. UM So, in terms of
Speaker 1: actually getting pregnant, the biggest issue is that, um, the
Speaker 1: eggs are older. UM so, women's eggs are in their
Speaker 1: ovaries since before they were born, um and so, and
Speaker 1: they're not actually fully developed, and so they go through
Speaker 1: their final stages of development at the time and of
Speaker 1: like when the egg is being released at ogulation and
Speaker 1: when it's getting fertilized by the sperm, and so all
Speaker 1: the little mechanical parts that are responsible for guiding that
Speaker 1: egg through that developmental process. Like if you're trying to
Speaker 1: get pregnant thirty five, those little chemical parts of three five.
Speaker 1: If if you're trying to get pregnant at forty, those
Speaker 1: mechanical parts are forty and so, just like mechanical parts
Speaker 1: of a phone, a car, a computer, you know what,
Speaker 1: they just fail and screw up. Um And so unfortunately
Speaker 1: with the egg, when those little mechanical parts go like
Speaker 1: when things go badly, then oftentimes it leads to an embryo,
Speaker 1: which is just a you guys, I mean as if
Speaker 1: you've been through IBF, you know it's just a fertilized egg. UM.
Speaker 1: That embryo just can't become a pregnancy. And so the
Speaker 1: issue is is as you get older, those mechanical failures
Speaker 1: are become more common, and so what that results in
Speaker 1: is that when you release an egg each month, it's
Speaker 1: just less likely that that egg can become a pregnancy,
Speaker 1: and so it just might you know, that's why can
Speaker 1: take longer to get pregnant UM. And that's also what
Speaker 1: causes UM miscarriages to go up as you get older,
Speaker 1: because those same mechanical errors lead to UM chromosomal abnormalities.
Speaker 1: I don't know if you guys had your embryos tested.
Speaker 1: We did, but testing that we had done was a
Speaker 1: couple of years ago. So I know now they test
Speaker 1: twenty one chromosomes. Yes, so we test all we can
Speaker 1: test all the chromosomes UM, and the testing the you know,
Speaker 1: the technology that we have is you know, it's better
Speaker 1: than it was three years ago, which was better than
Speaker 1: five years ago. It's always refining and getting a little
Speaker 1: bit better UM, and all of that testing is just
Speaker 1: it's really just chromosome counting in your in your mind,
Speaker 1: let's say, in let's say in twenty years, where do
Speaker 1: you think we're going to be out with infertility and
Speaker 1: the progress of where the medicine is going. UM. What
Speaker 1: would be really amazing is a way to kind of
Speaker 1: figure out, um, in a much less invasive way, what
Speaker 1: the issues are with the embryo. Like not, I bet
Speaker 1: you we are not going to be doing a biopsy
Speaker 1: in twenty years anymore. In order to test the embryo.
Speaker 1: We're going to be able to look at, you know,
Speaker 1: the media that the embryo is growing in, and the
Speaker 1: embryos that are abnormal are going to like spit off
Speaker 1: kind of like toxic things, and we're gonna be able
Speaker 1: to measure those things in the culture media and just
Speaker 1: kind of figure out from there. With embryos we can
Speaker 1: put in, we certainly are going to have much better
Speaker 1: capability of kind of testing for things like your predisposition
Speaker 1: for diabetes and other types of diseases like that. I mean,
Speaker 1: I think it's a fine line of like where we
Speaker 1: ethically kind of start intervening too much in terms of
Speaker 1: what we're choosing. UM. Yeah, I think that was always
Speaker 1: Mike's problem. He said he didn't he felt like he
Speaker 1: was almost playing god in a way. But yeah, that's
Speaker 1: the one aspect of it. I was kind of like,
Speaker 1: just put you know, put her egg in there with
Speaker 1: sperm and kind of let the best man win almost
Speaker 1: kind of thing they didn't do. And I you know,
Speaker 1: the way I was explained to my patients with IBS
Speaker 1: is what's kind of happening in some aspect to anyway,
Speaker 1: Like when they're getting the sperm ready for like right
Speaker 1: before they do the fertilization, they're prepping the sperm and
Speaker 1: like they're only selecting from the very best sperm. So
Speaker 1: it's the kind of same process that would happen normally
Speaker 1: in the body is kind of happening in the lab
Speaker 1: to some extent. And yes, if you're doing that procedure
Speaker 1: called XI again, I don't like, you know, which that
Speaker 1: was hard for him to pick. Yeah, Like they're picking
Speaker 1: one sperm and putting it into the egg, but it's random,
Speaker 1: like they can't. I mean, they're picking from the best,
Speaker 1: which is exactly so in a way, it mimics what's
Speaker 1: going on the body, right, Like you're picking from the
Speaker 1: best because only the best sperm in the body you're
Speaker 1: going to get to the egg. Well, only the best
Speaker 1: sperm are going to get being that final sample in
Speaker 1: the lab. And then it's really random like there's millions
Speaker 1: of sperms that are surrounding that little egg in the
Speaker 1: Floppian tube, and so it's really random which one binds
Speaker 1: to the egg, and it's really random which one the
Speaker 1: embryologist happens to pick to put into the egg. So
Speaker 1: it's kind of both um, you know, all about like
Speaker 1: how good this firms and a little bit of randomness,
Speaker 1: And in those situations it's so fascinating. It's really when
Speaker 1: you really think about the details. I think about that
Speaker 1: every time we do an egro treasle, like I cannot like,
Speaker 1: how is it possible that I can just stick this
Speaker 1: needle into this little fog, I'll drain it and we
Speaker 1: somehow get an egg. It's out of this world. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it truly is a miracle when you go through the process,
Speaker 1: as you know, and that's what Jenna and I have
Speaker 1: told people that that we have some friends that are
Speaker 1: beginning the process right now, and we say the same thing,
Speaker 1: where like, it's truly a miracle when you get down
Speaker 1: to the science of it all. And like Jenna was saying,
Speaker 1: we've got a lot of questions when we're doing a
Speaker 1: lot of podcast and what what do you have? What
Speaker 1: kind of advice do you have for couples or women
Speaker 1: that are going through the early stages of IBF, you know,
Speaker 1: just mentally and physically how to prepare themselves. Um, I
Speaker 1: think it's really I think probably the most important thing
Speaker 1: is to try to kind of take care of yourself
Speaker 1: a little bit. It is so easy to get wrapped
Speaker 1: up in the process and it's so emotionally draining. The
Speaker 1: time is too, is the medicines make you crazy? Yeah?
Speaker 1: And yeah that medicines like impact like how you're feeling,
Speaker 1: and so to the extent that you can do anything,
Speaker 1: even if like once a day, to keep yourself centered. Um,
Speaker 1: not like stress about little things like it drives me bananas,
Speaker 1: Like when people are help patients, like, oh, you can't
Speaker 1: have any caffeine and you kind of one step of
Speaker 1: alcohol and you can you have to eat this and
Speaker 1: do this, and that leads to this restrictive life that
Speaker 1: is so miserable and causes so much more stress in
Speaker 1: an already really stressful process. So, you know, doing things
Speaker 1: that kind of can get you through and knowing that
Speaker 1: like you might need to lean on the people around
Speaker 1: you and reaching out when you need help and finding
Speaker 1: some like knowing that it is because it's going to
Speaker 1: be stressful, like finding that kind of support network, whatever
Speaker 1: it is for you. And maybe that's not a person,
Speaker 1: maybe that's writing in a journal, but something that kind
Speaker 1: of can get you through the process. So I guess
Speaker 1: I don't know. I just it's just so hard because
Speaker 1: I just I feel I mean, sometimes I feel guilty
Speaker 1: because you know, now we have that. People are always
Speaker 1: asked me, you know, how do you stay positive? And
Speaker 1: in the moment, and I say to them, try to
Speaker 1: stay positive. But in the moment, I couldn't even stay
Speaker 1: positive because you don't know what the outcome is going
Speaker 1: to be. Now I can look at the outcome and
Speaker 1: be like, oh, now we have two beautiful kids. So
Speaker 1: I guess I know what you're trying to say is
Speaker 1: you're trying to say to stay centered, but it's just
Speaker 1: so hard. When it's really hard. You want that family,
Speaker 1: and then you want to be hopeful, right, Like you
Speaker 1: don't want to be a pessimist going into it, and
Speaker 1: yet at the same time, like being hopeful is so
Speaker 1: scary because it leaves you so vulnerable. Um and you're
Speaker 1: just kind of open to that that fact that it's
Speaker 1: just not going to work. And I think you know,
Speaker 1: depending on how old you are and what the circumstances are,
Speaker 1: sometimes the chance that it's going to work is low.
Speaker 1: And so how do you kind of manage kind of
Speaker 1: going through this entire process without just being like emotionally
Speaker 1: crushed at the end. And I don't really know any
Speaker 1: way to kind of really mitigate that and kind of
Speaker 1: keep that from happening. Yeah, no, no, I mean, no
Speaker 1: one can prepare you for that roller coaster of physically
Speaker 1: and emotionally, and so you go through and know that
Speaker 1: it's a roller and knowing that, I think is that's
Speaker 1: actually huge, is that there are so many ups and
Speaker 1: downs of like, oh, you're so happy because you have
Speaker 1: this many eggs, and like oh, you're devastated the next
Speaker 1: day because the fertilization is poor. And then they call
Speaker 1: you the next day and they say, oh, then roals
Speaker 1: are developing, and then oh abnormal. It's like the ups
Speaker 1: and downs and ups and downs. It's really you know,
Speaker 1: it's it's draining. In Janna nice situation. So we actually
Speaker 1: got for both of our children, Janna became pregnant naturally
Speaker 1: for both and it was both times. It was one
Speaker 1: month after it failed IVF cycle. Is that common from
Speaker 1: your experience? Um? It happens all the time. UM. And
Speaker 1: you know, we don't think that it's like it has
Speaker 1: actually anything to do with the I V S because
Speaker 1: like the IBS process doesn't really do anything to kind of,
Speaker 1: um change what's going to happen in the next cycle. Um.
Speaker 1: But we see it all the time. What about medicines
Speaker 1: that I'm taking the progesterone and things in my system
Speaker 1: now because the progesterone is gone, Like why don't you
Speaker 1: stop taking it? It's gone? Um? And that effect doesn't
Speaker 1: kind of carry you over to the next month. But
Speaker 1: I did get pregnant though each time. Yeah. No, I
Speaker 1: mean like with the I VS with the IVF, so
Speaker 1: maybe I had this some hCG in my system and
Speaker 1: they don't even going to start you on your next cycle,
Speaker 1: like you won't get your period into all that. It's
Speaker 1: like kind of all those hormones of like kind of
Speaker 1: washed out of your body with time you get your period. Um.
Speaker 1: I was I mean it's probably yes. Is it common
Speaker 1: that like it would happen so closely to both IVF
Speaker 1: cycles And the answer is obviously no. Um, But we
Speaker 1: see it all the time. I mean it literally just
Speaker 1: takes one good egg, one good sperm, you know. Interesting. Yeah,
Speaker 1: all right, well, um, so we're going to have our
Speaker 1: listeners right in, so you guys right in Janna Kramer
Speaker 1: at I heart media dot com and then Dr Kristen
Speaker 1: bend Dixon. Um, you're going to answer the question. So
Speaker 1: we're excited to have you back on and we just really, um,
Speaker 1: we hope that you guys email in again Jana Kramer
Speaker 1: at I heart media dot com and she will answer
Speaker 1: your IVF questions. Yeah, no, I think it's it's so important.
Speaker 1: It's there are so many women that struggle with infertility
Speaker 1: and um to the extent that we can make the
Speaker 1: process more transparent so they just kind of understand what
Speaker 1: fertility treatments are all about, um, you know, understanding miscarriages
Speaker 1: where such are which is such a like not spoken
Speaker 1: about subject and kind of and also egg freezing, you know,
Speaker 1: in terms of just what we can do to prevent
Speaker 1: people from having to go through IVF later. Yeah, there's
Speaker 1: a lot to dig in there. Absolutely. Well, thank you
Speaker 1: so much, and we'll be talking with you soon. All right,
Speaker 1: all right bye. You know what is sad actually the
Speaker 1: other Um, the other night, I started, you know, scrolling
Speaker 1: on my phone and I saw I was looking through
Speaker 1: my video. It was just kind of clearing some videos
Speaker 1: out of my phone, and I saw the video of
Speaker 1: remember how we tracked the IVF process, and then I
Speaker 1: put it on YouTube. By the way, that yawn face
Speaker 1: wasn't nasty. Um you know where he's like trying not
Speaker 1: to yawn, so he was making a weird face that
Speaker 1: just happened. Um. But I I was just watching the
Speaker 1: video and it just it pained me because I was
Speaker 1: crying and I found out that we lost lost the
Speaker 1: baby or the embryo, I guess because it was only
Speaker 1: I was only a few weeks at that time. But
Speaker 1: and then now I look at it, it's like, man,
Speaker 1: I wish, I wish I could go back and say
Speaker 1: it's gonna be okay, You're gonna have a baby in
Speaker 1: in a year and a half. Right, it all sounds
Speaker 1: the fact. And I just I for the women out
Speaker 1: there that are struggling, I have a lot of empathy
Speaker 1: for you, but hopefully you can see the silver lining
Speaker 1: with other people's stories. And I think that's exactly what
Speaker 1: just being the spouse in this situation and wouldn't seen
Speaker 1: you go through it is the people around the female
Speaker 1: going through this process. Is all you can do is
Speaker 1: be empathetic. Don't try to say make any promises, don't
Speaker 1: try to say it's gonna be okay even just say
Speaker 1: that sucks and just allow you to feel those feelings,
Speaker 1: because there's nothing that like I could say as a
Speaker 1: husband and make you feel better. Well, I feel like
Speaker 1: you should say more than that sucks. No, but I'm
Speaker 1: saying just feel that. You know what I mean. No,
Speaker 1: I would say it hurts me too because I know
Speaker 1: we I want this family, So that sucks. Wife was
Speaker 1: like crying in the bathroom. All right, Well, anyway on
Speaker 1: the earth the rest of our day. I don't mean
Speaker 1: like that not dismissive. Do you want to read try that? No,
Speaker 1: because I'm imperfect. I love that. Then. So there's usually
Speaker 1: a clear path for Valentine's Day gifts for women flowers, candy, jewelry,
Speaker 1: but for men not usually as simple. Oh do I
Speaker 1: get all those things? It's candy? You know what's onny
Speaker 1: with this? I love man creates so much that I
Speaker 1: actually think it's a clear cut gift from men this
Speaker 1: holiday season for Valentine's Day women is actually harder because
Speaker 1: women might not want the same thing again. Flowers, cards, diamonds, diamonds, Yeah,
Speaker 1: that should just say diamonds, diamonds, diamonds and maybe some flowers.
Speaker 1: Man Creates knows what guys like and they have hundreds
Speaker 1: of gifts options, so you'll find the perfect surprise for
Speaker 1: him and take it from me. There are over a
Speaker 1: hundred different kinds of Man Creates. I have multiple, It's amazing.
Speaker 1: I just ordered the make your own chef knife let
Speaker 1: being in the kitchen and I can't wait for it
Speaker 1: to come. Unique gifts like the personalized barware crate, personalized
Speaker 1: pint glasses, bottle opener, and the pizza grilling crate with
Speaker 1: some pizza stones and two sided dough roller is just
Speaker 1: one a few examples of the crates that they have
Speaker 1: out there given. Unforgotabout Valentine's Day gift this year. Plus
Speaker 1: every man Kate comes. Every Man Create comes with a
Speaker 1: satisfaction guaranteed, and they're about in a thousand with me too,
Speaker 1: so I agree with that. Give him a Man Create
Speaker 1: plus one of their Meatia Valentine's Day gifts and save
Speaker 1: just a Valentine's Day. Get fourteen percent off when you
Speaker 1: spend one or more. At Man creates dot com slash wine.
Speaker 1: That's fourteen percent off when you spend one or more.
Speaker 1: At Man creates dot com slash wine. Man Man creates
Speaker 1: dot com slash one. That's w h I n A.
Speaker 1: We should point out thanks Mark. All right, so we're
Speaker 1: can talk about the argument. We can talk about the argument.
Speaker 1: By the way, Jenna still has not relieved yourself. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I still have to pee. Do you want to go?
Speaker 1: Kind of, but let's just get this over with. So okay.
Speaker 1: So the other night Michael and I something happened and
Speaker 1: it was a beauty It was beautiful, but I got
Speaker 1: very triggered afterwards, and I wanted to say something to
Speaker 1: him and express because you know, our therapist say if
Speaker 1: you're feeling something, expressed in a way like, hey, I'm
Speaker 1: I just felt trigger and I want you to know
Speaker 1: so that I don't take it outsideways on him. But
Speaker 1: I didn't say anything because the moment was so great
Speaker 1: that I didn't want to ruin it. So I didn't
Speaker 1: say anything. And in the back of my mind, I
Speaker 1: was hoping that he was going to come to me
Speaker 1: and acknowledge because I was hoping that he was feeling
Speaker 1: the same trigger because the situation we both know was
Speaker 1: it was a major trigger and it was going to Yeah,
Speaker 1: it was. It was one of the few, if not
Speaker 1: the last, kind of major trigger that we haven't addressed
Speaker 1: or experienced to this point. So and it became the
Speaker 1: biggest elephant in the room in that moment. Yeah, So
Speaker 1: we went to bed on Yeah, we went to bed.
Speaker 1: We went to bed, but without us really talking about
Speaker 1: the elephant in the room. And I thought about it
Speaker 1: all night long. I was really upset. I cried about it.
Speaker 1: I was I mean, I didn't sleep at all because
Speaker 1: I was so upset, and I I was going to
Speaker 1: say something, but then I was just, you know, thought
Speaker 1: to myself, Okay, the next morning, it's probably just going
Speaker 1: to pass. Well. And the next morning it did not pass.
Speaker 1: And so Michael's trying to talk to me on Saturday,
Speaker 1: and I just I stayed pretty mute, and I said,
Speaker 1: just I'm really not ready to talk right now. I
Speaker 1: just need some time. It's basically what I said right
Speaker 1: before we brought up the situation. Yeah. Remember, because I
Speaker 1: I took like half a day in the morning, I
Speaker 1: was like, I knew something was going on with you. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you weren't ready to say what it was. And so
Speaker 1: then we I finally brought it to you and I
Speaker 1: were sitting down in the couch. You were reluctant at first.
Speaker 1: I was reluctant at first because I was afraid of
Speaker 1: your reaction, and I got validated in my fear of
Speaker 1: his reaction. So I sat down and I was telling
Speaker 1: him how it how that night made me feel, and
Speaker 1: how I got triggered and these are the things that
Speaker 1: came up for me, and you did not listen to me.
Speaker 1: You went straight into your shame, and basically it validated
Speaker 1: and for me, I have the hardest time, and we
Speaker 1: just talked about in therapy. I have the hardest time
Speaker 1: bringing up a fear of something because I don't want
Speaker 1: him I don't want his reaction to be off. So
Speaker 1: the fact that you validated my fear, which I know
Speaker 1: I've done to you two plenty of times, and it sucks,
Speaker 1: but that when that happened, I just completely I mean
Speaker 1: we we. I was so upset. I went into the bathroom.
Speaker 1: You started to get me and I started crying. So
Speaker 1: I went into the bathroom and was crying, and then
Speaker 1: you come in, guns blazing, and it just escalated from there,
Speaker 1: which then you triggered more stuff because now you're elevated
Speaker 1: to a screaming point. And then once then I got
Speaker 1: offline after that because you had already and I was like, man,
Speaker 1: I did what I was supposed to do. I told
Speaker 1: you what I was feeling, and then you didn't hear me. Michael,
Speaker 1: I want to make sure that you feel heard right now,
Speaker 1: and I don't just go on and defensive. Yes, you're right.
Speaker 1: I did not handle it correctly, and ultimately I apologized
Speaker 1: profusely for not addressing the elephant in the room in
Speaker 1: real time, which I wanted to. And what it came
Speaker 1: down to was I didn't have the balls in that
Speaker 1: moment because I knew such it was such an impactful trigger.
Speaker 1: I was scared. I was scared to do it. And
Speaker 1: because we've been on such a good run, everything's you know,
Speaker 1: been so great, we've handled things appropriately, so for this situation,
Speaker 1: I was just kind of reverted back to, kind of
Speaker 1: subconsciously of maybe if I don't address it, we won't
Speaker 1: talk about it and everything will be okay, and sweeping
Speaker 1: under the rug, which never worked for us, and most
Speaker 1: couples it doesn't sum it does, but not for us.
Speaker 1: So even when I was trying to convince you to
Speaker 1: talk to me about it and reassuring you that I
Speaker 1: was in the place, even I didn't know how it
Speaker 1: was going to react. In my mind, I was like, Okay,
Speaker 1: I can handle this. I can. I can listen to her.
Speaker 1: But then for me, any time I get any opposition
Speaker 1: when I start to speak about it, or speak about
Speaker 1: anything that's shameful or triggering or traumatizing for me. If
Speaker 1: I think by trying to hear you, I didn't feel heard,
Speaker 1: But that was my mistake. I was trying to feel
Speaker 1: heard when you were trying to feel heard, which that's
Speaker 1: not how it works. I have to hear you first.
Speaker 1: I have to validate your feelings. I have to especially
Speaker 1: as the perpetrator, I have to empathize with you so
Speaker 1: you can feel heard, understood, et cetera. But we've had
Speaker 1: this discussion argument many times where I rushed that and
Speaker 1: I try to feel heard immediately, or I tried to
Speaker 1: explain something. I tried. Yeah, it was me trying to
Speaker 1: explain something. And then any time you would ask ask
Speaker 1: a question. It would trigger me because I'm just trying
Speaker 1: to explain to you about the situation, talk about the trigger,
Speaker 1: and then you'd ask a question about it, and then
Speaker 1: I'll feel like, yeah, I didn't feel heard. I felt
Speaker 1: like you weren't listening to me. I'll see you own
Speaker 1: attacked and then feeling attacked about a shameful situation. Just
Speaker 1: I mean, throw me in a pile of shame. So
Speaker 1: I think it's a good topic to talk about the
Speaker 1: fact that we were both there was the elephant in
Speaker 1: the romans why we couldn't. I mean, I know why
Speaker 1: I didn't. I know why you didn't. But at the
Speaker 1: same time, it's like I wanted you to step up
Speaker 1: and and say, hey, I'm sorry that this triggered you,
Speaker 1: and I know you're probably thinking about it, because of
Speaker 1: course I'm thinking about And that's what I want the
Speaker 1: guys to hear too, if their wives let their girlfriends,
Speaker 1: let them listen to this is the fact that we're
Speaker 1: We don't never forget, so it's always it's always in
Speaker 1: the back of our of our minds. So if something
Speaker 1: from an old argument or whatever happened that it was
Speaker 1: a break in your relationship, I promise you if that
Speaker 1: situation might come up again, that they're thinking of it,
Speaker 1: so you should address it and say, hey, I'm sorry
Speaker 1: if this maybe causes you some pain. Yeah, And it's
Speaker 1: just taking responsibility for your actions right in which you
Speaker 1: should do in all aspects of life, and that's living
Speaker 1: with integrity. And in that moment, I didn't because I
Speaker 1: just wanted to run run away from those feelings. I
Speaker 1: mean I could have also said something as well, but
Speaker 1: I was just so. But even even with my therapist,
Speaker 1: I discussed it with him and I defended you were
Speaker 1: vouched for you and said, I acknowledge that in this situation,
Speaker 1: it was a hundred percent up to me to bring
Speaker 1: it up because it was an undiscussed, unprocessed trigger that
Speaker 1: we have not gone through. So because even he said,
Speaker 1: you know, well, you know, she can equally bring it
Speaker 1: up and express her I was like, in this situation,
Speaker 1: which you do, But this, this particular situation was up
Speaker 1: to me, and I put that on my shoulders and
Speaker 1: it just it just was handled poorly and that but
Speaker 1: that just goes to show like we don't even though
Speaker 1: we talk about all this stuff on on the show,
Speaker 1: we still go through the show. Yeah, and we do
Speaker 1: not do it perfectly, which is why, Um, you were
Speaker 1: very mean, so I really mean, but we rebounded faster
Speaker 1: than we should do. So the moral of the story is, um,
Speaker 1: I don't know how to talk, apparently, because when Mike's
Speaker 1: mad at me, he mocks me. And that was our
Speaker 1: big fight and we got triggered and there was a
Speaker 1: few things that were thrown, a few punches. No, I'm kidding,
Speaker 1: but I did, Like I mean, my I scream so loud,
Speaker 1: my voice hurt, like it got real rudneck in our
Speaker 1: hus like my voice I had. I didn't have a
Speaker 1: voice days honey, we still got it like but but honestly,
Speaker 1: it made me the next day, I was super depressed
Speaker 1: because it made me so sad that we went back there. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I agree, I totally agree it was. It was really sad.
Speaker 1: I was very disappointed in both of us that we
Speaker 1: allow there we go. But no, just in this situation,
Speaker 1: handling things, especially triggers real time is the that's the
Speaker 1: take away. That's that's what you gotta do when there's
Speaker 1: when there's stuff like that, there's your less listen less,
Speaker 1: there's your shoot. This is this episode. Just be titled
Speaker 1: Janna really can't talk. So there's your lesson listeners, all right,
Speaker 1: So I'm sure your full bladder is not helping, so
Speaker 1: we don't get to know the actual instigating moment um. Basically, Mark,
Speaker 1: you're such a producer. You're just such a producer. I
Speaker 1: can see that the US Weekly headlines. Now, I just
Speaker 1: feel like all the listeners are very curious, and of
Speaker 1: course it's your life and it's up to you, but
Speaker 1: I know that's what they're thinking. I don't even know
Speaker 1: how to say in a way to scoot around it.
Speaker 1: There was a sexual something sexual that Mike had done
Speaker 1: actually with someone else. Oh wow, that we never really
Speaker 1: discussed and we something happened and then that yeah, so yeah,
Speaker 1: so it was very hard. It was hard. It was
Speaker 1: a tough It was a tough pill to swallow. And
Speaker 1: so it was a flashback to that memory of knowing
Speaker 1: that they did something like that. So it was it
Speaker 1: was tough. Wow, thanks for asking, Mark, what's going into
Speaker 1: a spot? Well, I have an email which probably isn't
Speaker 1: gonna help things, to be honest, as I prereate it.
Speaker 1: It's an anonymous email. My husband unfortunately had an affair
Speaker 1: and we are three months post me finding out. When
Speaker 1: I found out, it took off my wedding ring, it
Speaker 1: took it out all of the wedding pictures. As we
Speaker 1: are in marriage counseling, we've decided to move forward, but
Speaker 1: I'm struggling putting my wedding rings back on and putting
Speaker 1: out wedding pictures back up. I feel like both are
Speaker 1: tainted at this point. How did you overcome the feelings
Speaker 1: associated with those and be able to put the rings
Speaker 1: back on and the pictures back up? So we have
Speaker 1: not officially put the pictures back up. It has been
Speaker 1: how many years post coming on five years? Four years? No, no, baby,
Speaker 1: I'm saying at the infidelity and a half. So it's
Speaker 1: been two and a half years post discovery and we
Speaker 1: have still not hung our wedding photos up. There are
Speaker 1: still photos that I have hard time looking at from
Speaker 1: our past because it triggers me to what was going
Speaker 1: on in that moment. Having said all that, when we
Speaker 1: packed up our stuff in Nashville, I saw the bin
Speaker 1: that I threw all of the pictures in, all of
Speaker 1: our wedding photos, all the knickknacks that were for us,
Speaker 1: our wedding book, um, photos of when I was pregnant.
Speaker 1: I mean, just so many things that I said, I
Speaker 1: will never be able to look again, look at again.
Speaker 1: You stole all those memories for me, and I yelled
Speaker 1: at him so much for that, said, you took away
Speaker 1: this from me, you took away that, And now I
Speaker 1: can't look back at this photo and be happy. But
Speaker 1: it is. It took two years to really now be
Speaker 1: able to go back and look at it and say, Okay,
Speaker 1: those memories were still my memories. I still was there
Speaker 1: and I was present, not saying you weren't present, but
Speaker 1: it was a different version of present. I'm how do
Speaker 1: I say that? It's it's not that you weren't present,
Speaker 1: you weren't fully there, But it doesn't mean that you
Speaker 1: can take away those memories from me. So I shouldn't
Speaker 1: allow you to take those memories away from me. So
Speaker 1: for the listener that wrote, don't let him have hold
Speaker 1: that much power over those memories for you. But it
Speaker 1: takes time. Again, I am, I want to I don't
Speaker 1: you know. I don't even know if I want to
Speaker 1: hang our wedding photos in our new house. I don't know. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's something. So for her, it's been three months, you said, Mark,
Speaker 1: which is and I'm on two and a half. I
Speaker 1: still don't even know if our new house will even
Speaker 1: put that up there, because in all honesty, like we've
Speaker 1: had some photos from like you know, the the pregnancy
Speaker 1: shoot and all that that I love, like the big
Speaker 1: canvas when you had of us bone up for me,
Speaker 1: I'd rather have those two. And we put up our
Speaker 1: when we renewed. So this here's what I will say
Speaker 1: for the photos too. We renewed our vows in Hawaii,
Speaker 1: so we have that photo up. So it's putting the
Speaker 1: photos up that are new and real, and in time
Speaker 1: I hope we can hang one of our old photos
Speaker 1: and say, you know what, look how far we've come,
Speaker 1: and you can still be proud of the photo that's there.
Speaker 1: And honestly makes me sad just because I loved our
Speaker 1: wedding photos were beautiful. They're beautiful, it was perfect, and
Speaker 1: it makes me sad too to think about having to
Speaker 1: be hesitant and reluctant to even look at those photos
Speaker 1: and essentially tainted. Yeah, and I think once we are
Speaker 1: to that place where we can both have that mentality
Speaker 1: and look at them and not think about where we
Speaker 1: were then, but appreciate where we are now. Then when
Speaker 1: we're to that point, maybe we can put them up.
Speaker 1: And I think too, we did something that might help
Speaker 1: you guys as well as we grieved. There was a
Speaker 1: box of photos and I said, oh no, no, it
Speaker 1: was the I made you a year is our year
Speaker 1: anniversary gift. I gave him a year anniversary gift of
Speaker 1: all the photos of the year and at the very
Speaker 1: end and I said, I can't wait to see what
Speaker 1: next year holds. And I was like, well, and I
Speaker 1: came to you and when we're moving out of our
Speaker 1: former national house, and we sat down and we looked
Speaker 1: through it all and we grieved. Yeah, and I'm we
Speaker 1: might have to do you might have to do that
Speaker 1: with the wedding photos. We might have to do that again.
Speaker 1: And honestly I want to because I want to be
Speaker 1: able to hang those photos and not just think of
Speaker 1: that so hopefully. And but I will say to you,
Speaker 1: you are three months in, give yourself time. Yeah, they
Speaker 1: don't don't. You shouldn't even be thinking about that. And
Speaker 1: and too, I did, so you can't say that because
Speaker 1: I mean, I still, I mean, I was so upset
Speaker 1: about that, like you ruin those these photos from me,
Speaker 1: I'm saying, don't think about putting the pig like you know,
Speaker 1: to worry about putting the pictures up right now, or
Speaker 1: your your wedding band or your wedding ring. I understand
Speaker 1: that's what you want to think of, because it ruined
Speaker 1: all of those things. Which also Jane and I both
Speaker 1: got new I got a new engagement. I would not
Speaker 1: put that ring back on my finger. I said, I
Speaker 1: don't want it. I don't want this ring ever on
Speaker 1: my finger. I got a new band, So that way
Speaker 1: there aren't those you don't look down and the ring,
Speaker 1: the symbol isn't tainted. So for us that was important.
Speaker 1: And even if I says, I don't even care about
Speaker 1: what it is, I just want I will not put
Speaker 1: this back on my finger and said, all right, me neither.
Speaker 1: So I am. That's really good advice for the anonymous
Speaker 1: emailer that if you're going to recommit to yourself, post
Speaker 1: things and where things that represents the new commitment that
Speaker 1: you're making. Wow, that's great. Uh. Jericha emails that don't
Speaker 1: kiss my baby. It's the subject line. So I'm newly pregnant,
Speaker 1: but I automatically know not to kiss someone's newborn baby.
Speaker 1: I don't think it's appropriate at all to begin with.
Speaker 1: But effort's horror stories about babies and people kiss them.
Speaker 1: How do you not be rude? But make sure, hey,
Speaker 1: don't kiss my baby. If anyone puts their lips near
Speaker 1: Jason's lips, I'm gonna smack him. I don't like, I
Speaker 1: don't want people kissing. Well, this so germs too, and
Speaker 1: the baby. Someone I forgot to tell you this. We
Speaker 1: were at Disneyland watching the parade. Someone recognized Jolie and
Speaker 1: gave her a hug, and I was like you, I
Speaker 1: don't even know you. And all the girls we were
Speaker 1: just like, got so upset. You're just not telling me this.
Speaker 1: I totally forget. Well, there's a lot going on that day,
Speaker 1: like fifteen hours of Disneyland, was a lot of the toddlers.
Speaker 1: So when I came home, I didn't want to talk
Speaker 1: to anybody. So but no, yeah, it was it's like,
Speaker 1: if you if you're a stranger, don't don't touch my child.
Speaker 1: But then if it's family, I still don't really want.
Speaker 1: I mean, yes, you can kiss the baby, but don't.
Speaker 1: Lips are totally off the subject. I think It's one
Speaker 1: of those things that we even have to remind ourselves
Speaker 1: with Jace where his parents, well, we say goes, so
Speaker 1: try to have that kind of a whole mentality, be like, look, no,
Speaker 1: don't kiss my baby. The whole faces off limits. Absolutely,
Speaker 1: But come on, Grandma fine, I think grandma is an
Speaker 1: aunt because the only babies I've ever excuse me, only
Speaker 1: Grandma's and when you're taking care of them, you kiss
Speaker 1: their cheek. Yeah. I mean, I'm like, I think if
Speaker 1: you're very close family, that's the only or like a
Speaker 1: like a best friend, that's fine, but like a random friend,
Speaker 1: even dicey on the friends. I mean, I let's Sarah
Speaker 1: kiss Sarah kiss his pread? Yeah yeah, but I mean
Speaker 1: if it was a guess for me, if it was anybody,
Speaker 1: but like my sister is pregnant, that'll be my first nephew,
Speaker 1: my first niece and nephew. Excuse me, I'm sorry, this
Speaker 1: is a great topic to bring up. I do not
Speaker 1: think that you think my niece and nephew in mouth.
Speaker 1: So he actually does have a niece and nephew my
Speaker 1: brother's kids. But this is my point exactly. You do
Speaker 1: not think of that. You though, no, you don't clearly
Speaker 1: because this is my first nephew. They're not babies. It
Speaker 1: doesn't it Okay, Roy, I'm not going to call you
Speaker 1: uncle anymore. But oh, Mike, you're an idiot. Idiot walked
Speaker 1: right into that way. No, I do consider a Van
Speaker 1: Dylan my niece and nephew. I do. They're No, they're
Speaker 1: twelve and thirty guys, so maybe not right. All I'm
Speaker 1: saying my point, your sister, Yes, you're new, your your
Speaker 1: first ever, our first. I have one nephew, thinking our
Speaker 1: new nephew like him, I would kiss, but a friend's
Speaker 1: baby even or anybody else's I wouldn't like nobody else's.
Speaker 1: I would do it if it was if Steven was
Speaker 1: just now having a Van Dylan. Yes, I would kiss
Speaker 1: them because I am their uncle and I consider them
Speaker 1: my niece and nephew. But when I met him there
Speaker 1: seven and eight, and they already have like three uncles
Speaker 1: before you, so it's right, I mean, for all the cares.
Speaker 1: And Jeanne has got another uncle here, we're not calling
Speaker 1: him uncle. I think like if I saw James, I don't.
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna hold Jay seven. That's like what unless
Speaker 1: you were like, hey, can you, but if you kiss him,
Speaker 1: you're right, I'd like permission, but like my nieces, yeah,
Speaker 1: I think there's like, that's the line your friend has
Speaker 1: no business like up, I would kiss my friend. I
Speaker 1: kissed Davy. Come on, it's my best friends baby. I
Speaker 1: wouldn't want kiss him where the cheek. And yeah, I
Speaker 1: would never do lips. I mean I like make out
Speaker 1: with my baby, but I always try to see I
Speaker 1: know I was when he's hungry because when kiss him,
Speaker 1: he starts sucking on my upper lip. That's how we
Speaker 1: tested he's hungry, seedy. But yeah, ligious lips are off
Speaker 1: off off limits. So yeah, we don't blame you. Okay,
Speaker 1: so huge thank you to joy Bird. Go to joybird
Speaker 1: dot COM's jan and receive an exclusive offer for off
Speaker 1: your first order by using the code Janna Brooklyn and
Speaker 1: get twenty dollars off and free shipping when you use
Speaker 1: promo code Janet Brooklyn and dot com nom visit Noon
Speaker 1: dot com slash Janna to start your trial today. Stamps
Speaker 1: dot Com. Go to stamps dot com, click on the
Speaker 1: microphone at the top of the homepage and type in
Speaker 1: Janna man creates. I know maybe you want to do
Speaker 1: this one just for Valentine's Day. Get fourteen percent off
Speaker 1: when you spend one or more. A man creates dot
Speaker 1: com slash one. You may have been wondering what donut
Speaker 1: Mike was eating? Oh yeah, Michael, what was the donut
Speaker 1: that you ate earlier? From the one and only Astroid
Speaker 1: Donuts and Fried Chicken Downtown. L A's beloved after Donuts
Speaker 1: and Fried Chicken is crossing the four or five and
Speaker 1: opening Santa Monica this February, and you can follow along
Speaker 1: an Afro Donuts for a taste. It's delicious. Okay, seriously though,
Speaker 1: Like I have to pee like I'm starting, I need
Speaker 1: to be now crowning. I don't know, I think I'm starting.
Speaker 1: I'm starting to cramp to like I don't know if
Speaker 1: I'm gonna be able to walk, Like I think I
Speaker 1: need a diaper, duck walk, duck walk A cat bit
Speaker 1: are up there to helping him out out? Alright, guys,
Speaker 1: love you, Let's U wine down next week together. By
Speaker 1: h