Speaker 1: Hell I Suck at Dating with Dengler and Dared Haven
Speaker 1: and I heard radio podcast. Hey, welcome to an all
Speaker 1: no episode of Help I Suck at Dating No Dean Today.
Speaker 1: We'll get into that in a little while, but we
Speaker 1: have a very special co host today. You know her,
Speaker 1: of course from herst season on The Bachelor and Bachelor
Speaker 1: in Paradise. It is Tammy Lee. Tammy, how are you hi, Jared?
Speaker 1: I'm good. How are you? I'm doing well. This is
Speaker 1: the first time we've met. Uh. It's it's always interesting,
Speaker 1: like meeting new Bachelor people because it's it's like I
Speaker 1: know you, but I don't know you. So even when
Speaker 1: you popped on, I was like, have we met? I
Speaker 1: don't think we have, but I feel like I know you. Yeah.
Speaker 1: It's like a little luck club. I don't know how
Speaker 1: to explain it, but um, but Dean is not here,
Speaker 1: like we said, and Tammy and I were talking before
Speaker 1: we started recording, and so let me read. I'm going
Speaker 1: to read the text message that I got from Dean.
Speaker 1: This was yesterday. Uh so, Tammy, little bit of background. Dean. Uh,
Speaker 1: sometimes is unable to make these podcasts because I don't
Speaker 1: know what the hell he's doing. He's always doing something.
Speaker 1: He's like in Mexico for a bachelor party, or he's
Speaker 1: like in a car with no WiFi, or he's scaling
Speaker 1: the side of a mountain. Like this man just does
Speaker 1: not stop. So the point is really the point is
Speaker 1: I think we're gonna have to switch to day we
Speaker 1: record this podcast. But more importantly, yesterday we get a
Speaker 1: text Mtein and it says, hey, guys, I hate to
Speaker 1: say this, but I'm floating the Colorado River right now
Speaker 1: and I have no service at my campsite. I'll be
Speaker 1: back in service in the early afternoon. Anyway, we could
Speaker 1: delay the podcast. We couldn't delay the podcast. But now
Speaker 1: we were talking, I was like, oh, Dean can't make it.
Speaker 1: He's like on the Colorado River with no WiFi. And
Speaker 1: then Tammy goes, wait, is he he in stagecoach? So
Speaker 1: now it's a shame because one of our producers mark Eastern,
Speaker 1: do you still trackting? I don't know if you do
Speaker 1: or not? Oh boy do I Okay, let's figure this out.
Speaker 1: Dean says, no location found currently, So either he turned
Speaker 1: me off because if he was, he knew this exact
Speaker 1: thing was going to happen or he is in fact
Speaker 1: floating down the Colorado River. Um, hopefully alive. But that's
Speaker 1: what Yes, let's hope he's alive. First and foremost, both
Speaker 1: things are very doable for him to do. Yeah, he's
Speaker 1: done this before. He's like hidden his location for me
Speaker 1: because he knew. I was like, you have a podcast
Speaker 1: to do, you know, like, yeah, tell me One time
Speaker 1: he was saying, uh, he said he had something like
Speaker 1: he was in no service or like he couldn't figure
Speaker 1: something out, and he was trying to lay the podcast.
Speaker 1: And then on on the air, we were like, wait
Speaker 1: a minute, Mark, who was another producer on this podcast,
Speaker 1: don't you track Dean? He tracked him. He was on
Speaker 1: like the eighth hole of a golf course and so
Speaker 1: there in California. Now there's Mark there. He is right there. Uh.
Speaker 1: And it was it was so good. So I was
Speaker 1: really hoping that we would like catch him in the
Speaker 1: act of like you know, teeing off on some golfings
Speaker 1: of the CALLI but I can confirm no location, pund
Speaker 1: so he is hiding somewhere. He's finally caught onto our tricks. Anyway,
Speaker 1: enough about Dean Tammy. This is about you. Thanks so
Speaker 1: much for coming onto the podcast. Uh so you are obviously.
Speaker 1: I think the last time we saw you was Bachelor
Speaker 1: in Paradise this past summer. H So, how was your
Speaker 1: overall experience on the Bachelor franchise? Um? Overall, it's been
Speaker 1: good up until the very end, um, you know, and
Speaker 1: now that I'm like talking to other people and like
Speaker 1: trying to pinpoint all the stories that I was really
Speaker 1: blind to, and I'm like, did I really have a
Speaker 1: good time throughout this process? I mean, I'm super thankful
Speaker 1: for and of course I had a blast on Paradise,
Speaker 1: but like, I don't think they're giving credit where credit is.
Speaker 1: You're like, uh us as the cast also as a
Speaker 1: huge factor of like where our outcome is, you know. Um,
Speaker 1: So yeah, I mean I loved Paradise. I thought it
Speaker 1: was so much fun. I hate the way and laughed
Speaker 1: of course, but yeah, I mean right now, I think
Speaker 1: I'm just getting to take a little hiatus from the franchise,
Speaker 1: just like a mental break, because it was a lot
Speaker 1: for me, and then who knows if I'll be back. Um,
Speaker 1: you know, it was like family to me, so I
Speaker 1: would hate to just cut it off like that, But
Speaker 1: who knows. Yeah, it does become family too. It's it's
Speaker 1: a love hate relationship because there have been times Obviously
Speaker 1: I'm a big supporter of the franchise. I met my
Speaker 1: wife through in an unconventional way, but now we have
Speaker 1: a son from it. But you know, that's also there
Speaker 1: were times actually, and I are very transparent about the
Speaker 1: idea that like, we love the people that work on
Speaker 1: the show, but there'd be times where we knew that
Speaker 1: they didn't have our best interests at hand, not to
Speaker 1: any fault of their own, like they're making a TV show.
Speaker 1: Huh yeah, mostly our engagement. But um, it's still like, yeah,
Speaker 1: we still invite these people to our wedding. We love
Speaker 1: them so much. So there is this I totally Understan
Speaker 1: where you're coming from, this economy of like this love
Speaker 1: hate relationship where you're like, man, it's family and I
Speaker 1: love it. But there's like, obviously there's also that aspect
Speaker 1: of it is a TV show and they have a
Speaker 1: job to do. Um. So it's it's a hard balance, uh.
Speaker 1: And it's really weird. Um. But and and like you said,
Speaker 1: it's this weird mental state that you have when you
Speaker 1: go on the show because like you're just thrown into
Speaker 1: this mind f because then you have like I remember
Speaker 1: the first time people started talking about me, and it's like,
Speaker 1: I'll never forget it was Facebook. This is how old
Speaker 1: I am. Uh Facebook was prominent. I didn't have an
Speaker 1: Instagram before one on the show, but I remember on
Speaker 1: Facebook with my name first got released for the show,
Speaker 1: all like people that knew me from high school that
Speaker 1: I haven't talked to in years. All of a sudden
Speaker 1: there was this huge thread about me being like did
Speaker 1: you hear Jared's on the Bachelor? Da da da da?
Speaker 1: And it was just the craziest thing because that's ever happened.
Speaker 1: That doesn't happen every day where it's just like, you know,
Speaker 1: thirty forty people are just like commenting back and forth
Speaker 1: about you and like how they knew you, or like
Speaker 1: when the last time they saw you, or like how
Speaker 1: crazy it is and it's just who it was jarring
Speaker 1: to say at least, um, I mean, you get accustomed
Speaker 1: to it, but yeah, it's crazy. I think a mental
Speaker 1: break is a very good thing to have. I just
Speaker 1: think that the franchise fans are very toxic, and like
Speaker 1: I wish they weren't, you know, but like I've never
Speaker 1: I mean, there's a handful of them that are so
Speaker 1: loyal and so sweet to me, but like a majority
Speaker 1: of them that I read, they're so mean, so judgmental,
Speaker 1: they are unforgiving, and it's just like I feel like
Speaker 1: it's impossible to try to please them, you know. So
Speaker 1: like I was trying to get an acceptance from a
Speaker 1: crowd that was never going to accept me in the
Speaker 1: first place. It's tough, You're right. I mean, there's a
Speaker 1: lot of wonderful people who followed the show that reach
Speaker 1: out and comment and say nothing but incredible things. But yeah,
Speaker 1: there's a very loud minority that, I mean just scoll
Speaker 1: you and they say things like I've I've told this
Speaker 1: story a million times of the podcast, So I apologize
Speaker 1: for repeating myself. But there was a girl that I
Speaker 1: went on a date with that I knew personally, and
Speaker 1: we went on a couple of dates, and she's very
Speaker 1: nice and sweet and down to earth, and you know,
Speaker 1: she was a little bit you know, she was like
Speaker 1: twenty I think we went on a date like when
Speaker 1: she was like twenty two, and so she was, you know,
Speaker 1: I was twenty seven at the time. I think but um,
Speaker 1: you know, she was a Bachelor fan, she knew the show,
Speaker 1: and anyway, like it didn't go anywhere. We still remained friendly,
Speaker 1: like followed each other on social media, and then I
Speaker 1: remember a Bachelorette season ended and she obviously did not
Speaker 1: like the person that the bachelorette picked, and she commented
Speaker 1: underneath the picture and I saw it because I follow
Speaker 1: her and comments that you know, from people that you follow,
Speaker 1: go up to the top. And she said, uh, you know,
Speaker 1: good luck in life with your shitty husband. And I
Speaker 1: was like, I can't believe it. I cannot believe it.
Speaker 1: So I messaged her, I said, why do you say that?
Speaker 1: And I hadn't spoken to her, you know, like a
Speaker 1: few months or a year at this point, and then
Speaker 1: she was like, oh my god, I already deleted it.
Speaker 1: I feel so terrible. I just was so mad that
Speaker 1: she picked this guy, and I just wanted to say something.
Speaker 1: And it made me realize that people just don't think
Speaker 1: we're ever going to see their comments. People don't think
Speaker 1: before they say things. Not to make this right, it's
Speaker 1: not justified, but it's just it's crazy how like people
Speaker 1: just need to say like like mean things, and we
Speaker 1: do it like we all do in our lives. Right,
Speaker 1: we watch reality TV and we're like, oh that what
Speaker 1: the what the hell was that? Pert, That's the stupidest
Speaker 1: thing I've ever seen. But like to say it towards
Speaker 1: someone on social media, I think they nobody just thinks
Speaker 1: about their actions and it's not right. Um, but I
Speaker 1: think and then of course there's just bad people out there, right,
Speaker 1: I mean it's just brutal, you know. So like I
Speaker 1: I don't know if like every franchise has a fan
Speaker 1: base like this, but I don't know. I just feel
Speaker 1: like judge on everything that I do. So I'm like,
Speaker 1: I'm just going to take a break from them. Yeah,
Speaker 1: well you do whatever is best for you. But Tammy,
Speaker 1: you're you're on the Bachelor, You're beautiful, you're young, you
Speaker 1: have a lot of great things going for you, seem
Speaker 1: very smart, nice, Like, don't listen to people that truly
Speaker 1: you because most of the people that do just hate
Speaker 1: their own lives. And uh, it's a good point. Yeah,
Speaker 1: the best revenge is living well and ignoring them because
Speaker 1: they all they want is intention But anyway, on on
Speaker 1: two better things. So what are you up to now?
Speaker 1: So how's life where do you live? By the way,
Speaker 1: I don't even know. I live in New York. I
Speaker 1: also live in l A. And I also live in
Speaker 1: Tampa right now, I just flew back in last night.
Speaker 1: I'm in New York for probably a couple of weeks,
Speaker 1: and then I head back to Tampa for a bit,
Speaker 1: and then I'm going to head back to l A.
Speaker 1: So what makes you bounce back and forth between those
Speaker 1: three places. Oh, you're in real estate. So the markets
Speaker 1: like the craziest time ever right now. Yeah, market is
Speaker 1: really good. So yeah, I'm just balancing on that. I
Speaker 1: just got my California license, so I've been out there
Speaker 1: doing a bunch of projects around that. But I also
Speaker 1: have a project in Tamba, excuse me, that I've been
Speaker 1: working on, so I'm just going to check on it.
Speaker 1: But yeah, I mean I still have six jobs, so
Speaker 1: I just kind of bounced around and do six jobs. Yeah,
Speaker 1: my god, what are your six jobs? So? I do
Speaker 1: real estate, a real state agent. I'm also an investor,
Speaker 1: so I invest in properties. I also flip properties, um
Speaker 1: so like construction. I own insurance brokerage and a bartend.
Speaker 1: I still do some commercial modeling and acting, and I
Speaker 1: have my own marketing company. Damn, what's the name of
Speaker 1: the marketing company. It's just called Tammy Kay Inc. That's awesome.
Speaker 1: Oh my god. So you just pretty much don't stop
Speaker 1: to you. No, I don't stop. So do you have
Speaker 1: any time for dating now? Okay? So I just recently
Speaker 1: went back into the dating pool. No, it's bad because
Speaker 1: when I date, I will date really crazy and then
Speaker 1: I won't talk to me again for like three years. Wow.
Speaker 1: All right, so very very healthy. So when you say
Speaker 1: you go crazy, do you go on like a date
Speaker 1: like five times a week? Okay, that's a bit much.
Speaker 1: Maybe a couple times a week. Maybe a couple of
Speaker 1: times a week, like I'll see like a couple of people.
Speaker 1: But um, yeah, I don't know. Dating is weird, especially
Speaker 1: after the show. Oh, I can imagine. So, I mean
Speaker 1: you're lucky, you do you just wanted to hunt? And yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean I got lucky. I think one. Dating after
Speaker 1: the show is much different for a guy than it
Speaker 1: is a girl. Um, I would imagine, just because as
Speaker 1: a guy, when you come off the show and if
Speaker 1: you're single, I mean, the majority of the viewership is women,
Speaker 1: So I feel like there's just a different perception I
Speaker 1: don't know. I think, like I'm being honest, if I
Speaker 1: if I had to guess most of the dates that
Speaker 1: I went on after the show. You know, I was
Speaker 1: on Hinge for a while, and I was on uh,
Speaker 1: what's the other one? Bumble, and like I feel like
Speaker 1: probably nine nine percent of the dates I went on,
Speaker 1: like the women watched the show knew exactly who I was.
Speaker 1: Do you find out a lot of guys recognize you
Speaker 1: and they're like, oh, I watched the show or is
Speaker 1: it well, we met, we were talking and then I
Speaker 1: googled you and found out that you were on the show. God,
Speaker 1: I think it's probably more of the second one. Um,
Speaker 1: I try to date people who don't really know the show.
Speaker 1: The last two guys that I've been seeing actually did
Speaker 1: know of me before um I started seeing them, So
Speaker 1: that's a little weird. I don't know if they're like fans,
Speaker 1: but I try not to bring that into my real life.
Speaker 1: Like even the friends that I made on the show,
Speaker 1: we don't really talk about the show a lot. I
Speaker 1: just I don't know, that's like such a small part
Speaker 1: of me. So, yeah, this is one guy that I
Speaker 1: was seeing, like you barely even know me? He goes,
Speaker 1: I rewatched all of Bachelor in Paradise to get to
Speaker 1: know you. I go, I'm done here. He said that
Speaker 1: he thought that was a good line. I'm like, yeah,
Speaker 1: and that does not represent me whatsoever. That's like literally
Speaker 1: ten percent of who I am, and it's just creepy.
Speaker 1: Could you imagine if you went on the first date
Speaker 1: and you're like, hey, I went through your entire Instagram
Speaker 1: so I could really get to know you before our
Speaker 1: first date. It'd be like, what the hell, get get
Speaker 1: out of here. That's what it's equivalent to him being like, oh, yeah,
Speaker 1: I watched every season and I took notes. That sounds
Speaker 1: like the guy who was who the hell was it
Speaker 1: on Michelle's season who liked all the research. I have
Speaker 1: like eight pages of notes and was like, Oh, I'm
Speaker 1: ready to go. That was this guy on your date. Yeah,
Speaker 1: hopefully he doesn't listen to this podcast. Oh I'm sure
Speaker 1: he doesn't. So have you gone on dates in New York,
Speaker 1: LA and Tampa Um? Mainly in L A. M. I've
Speaker 1: been out there for the last two months, so I've
Speaker 1: been like, that's when I just started dating again. But yeah,
Speaker 1: I don't really date in New York, I don't. I'm
Speaker 1: not in Tampa enough for me to date, got it?
Speaker 1: And then in New York, I'm just always working, so
Speaker 1: I don't have time. I was curious if you notice
Speaker 1: if there was like a difference between um, like the
Speaker 1: dating pool between cities. I would say so just because
Speaker 1: like I live in a small town in New York
Speaker 1: and everyone knows who I am. So it's a very
Speaker 1: a little uncomfortable, um, But with l A, it's so big.
Speaker 1: It's like they there's a fifty fifty chance they don't
Speaker 1: know who you are, which is preferred. Because so I
Speaker 1: lived in l A for three and a half years,
Speaker 1: most of them I was dating. Actually, I probably lived
Speaker 1: in l A for like three months before actually and
Speaker 1: I started dating. But so I went on a few
Speaker 1: dates in l A. And it's definitely much different than
Speaker 1: dating in Rhode Island. But that's, you know, a pretty
Speaker 1: drastic change dating in Rhode Island compared to Los Angeles.
Speaker 1: I noticed in l A. It's it's very much um.
Speaker 1: And I guess it's my own doing, because when I
Speaker 1: moved to l A, went on riya but a lot
Speaker 1: of it was like, um, it wasn't as personal I
Speaker 1: noticed the dates a lot of it. By the way
Speaker 1: I always um kind of made the analogy was like sure,
Speaker 1: you'd be talking to someone, but that person would always
Speaker 1: be kind of like looking over your shoulder a little
Speaker 1: bit to see if there was like something better on
Speaker 1: the horizon. Yeah. I do feel that as well. There's
Speaker 1: always like something going on or like you know, status
Speaker 1: and everything that everyone focuses on in l A. Um,
Speaker 1: I don't know, who knows. Maybe I'll go back on
Speaker 1: my no talking to men for three years. Yeah, I know,
Speaker 1: so three years. Like so before you went on the show,
Speaker 1: were you on that hiatus? Uh? No, she was, Yeah,
Speaker 1: I was seeing a couple of people. No, I mean
Speaker 1: I took a break for like a year, um, before
Speaker 1: I even heard about me possibly being cast for the show.
Speaker 1: But yeah, it was like a little I would say,
Speaker 1: quote unquote boy crazy for like a year and a
Speaker 1: half and I took a year off and then I
Speaker 1: went back on The Bachelor, which honestly I didn't date
Speaker 1: after that really. So I'll have like my pops of
Speaker 1: like I really want to see Peo bowl. So I
Speaker 1: like book, Like I say book like it's an appointment,
Speaker 1: but like see you guys like a month and then
Speaker 1: drop off again. I don't know. I don't know what
Speaker 1: I want, Jared. I just like I think about a relationship,
Speaker 1: but then I'm like, I love being in this independent
Speaker 1: person that gets to do whatever she wants, and I'm
Speaker 1: waiting for someone to change my mind. I guess it's tough.
Speaker 1: I think it's one like, yeah, someone probably will change
Speaker 1: your mind. But it's also there is this um stigma
Speaker 1: in society that it's like, you have to get married,
Speaker 1: you have to have kids, and that's just not for everybody.
Speaker 1: Like I wanted to get married at one point in
Speaker 1: my life. I wanted to have kids at one point
Speaker 1: in my life. So those were just like individual goals
Speaker 1: of mine. But you know, growing up, I definitely went
Speaker 1: back and forth. And I can totally understand why people
Speaker 1: just wouldn't want to be in a relationship. There's a
Speaker 1: lot of compromise that needs to be had in relationship,
Speaker 1: and then having kids, there's a lot of sacrifices that
Speaker 1: you need to make in order to have kids. It's
Speaker 1: not like all wonderfulness and and and and rose colored glasses,
Speaker 1: um and I feel like people are afraid to talk
Speaker 1: about that. A lot of you know, uh, mommy bloggers
Speaker 1: or parents, Um, you know, a lot of the majority
Speaker 1: of them. There are some outliers, but a majority of
Speaker 1: them feel like they have to say like only great things,
Speaker 1: like the best thing in their life is their kids,
Speaker 1: and and everything is perfect and wonderful and and um,
Speaker 1: it's just not like that and that I feel like
Speaker 1: that's okay to say you're you're human being. You know,
Speaker 1: some people it's like, yes, sometimes marriage is really tough.
Speaker 1: Sometimes being a parent is really difficult only three months in,
Speaker 1: but like you lose a lot of sleep, you lose
Speaker 1: a lot of your your individuality. Um, and like for me,
Speaker 1: that's worth it because especially like now he's starting to smile,
Speaker 1: he's starting to look at me. You know, that'shi, it's
Speaker 1: the coolest I'm not gonna lie, like that is the
Speaker 1: coolest thing ever. Because when he was first born, it
Speaker 1: was crazy. It's just like your this kid is thrown
Speaker 1: into your life and and he's yours and he's your
Speaker 1: blood and you're like, okay, like I have to take
Speaker 1: care of you for the rest of my life. And
Speaker 1: it was terrifying the first day because it's like, you know,
Speaker 1: I mean obviously I loved him, but it's the first
Speaker 1: day I met him. But now it's you know, now
Speaker 1: it's easy. It's just instinctual, like because it's just like
Speaker 1: I would do anything for that kid now. Um but anyho.
Speaker 1: My point being on this rant is that, dammy, it's
Speaker 1: okay to not know what you want. Nobody knows what
Speaker 1: they want. The people that tell you they know exactly
Speaker 1: what they want are crazy. Okay. That makes me feel
Speaker 1: better because like, I know, one day I want to
Speaker 1: have kids, and one day I do want to get married.
Speaker 1: But it's like when I have no idea and like
Speaker 1: I'm in this battle, like I'm still young, but then
Speaker 1: I'm like, am I running out of time? No, you're
Speaker 1: not running. I'm in my late twenties, You're fine. I'm
Speaker 1: in my I'm in my mid thirties, You're fine. Late twenties.
Speaker 1: I like what, No, I'm twenty six. Oh my god,
Speaker 1: late twenties, my ass. You're in your mid twenties. Twenty six.
Speaker 1: I turned twenty seven in June, so oh please, you're
Speaker 1: you're in the prime year life right now, the late
Speaker 1: mid to late saying I shouldn't settle down yet. No,
Speaker 1: I mean unless you find like the person You're like, Okay,
Speaker 1: I love being with this person. It all just comes
Speaker 1: down to, like would I you know, what would my
Speaker 1: life be without this person? Is my life better or
Speaker 1: worse without this person? If it's worse, than you should
Speaker 1: be with him. And if it's not, then you should
Speaker 1: to be with them. How do you know? How do
Speaker 1: you get there? Man? I really suck at you. Oh well,
Speaker 1: there we go. You're on the right podcast. I mean
Speaker 1: I think that I think I think that the truth
Speaker 1: is is you're never a hundred percent sure. I think
Speaker 1: that's what I believe because I'm the idea that you
Speaker 1: should never have a doubt in your mind about anything
Speaker 1: in life. I think is crazy. Um, Because of course,
Speaker 1: when Ashley and I first got together, I wanted to
Speaker 1: be with her. I love Ashley, I still love Ashley.
Speaker 1: I'm in love with Ashley. I was in love with
Speaker 1: Ashley and and that's why I wanted to be with her.
Speaker 1: But I'd be lying if I said there wasn't a
Speaker 1: voice in my head saying like is this a mistake?
Speaker 1: Like now this is it? Like we're going to be
Speaker 1: together for the rest of our lives and it's not
Speaker 1: a mistake. Because I'm much rather I want to be
Speaker 1: with her. My life is worse without Ashley, you know. Um,
Speaker 1: but I think, like I guess I'm maybe in the
Speaker 1: mind or maybe I'm a pescimst, but I just I
Speaker 1: don't believe in like, oh you're you know, it's just
Speaker 1: a sure and you're never going to have a doubt
Speaker 1: in your mind. I think those people are lying, That's
Speaker 1: what I think. I don't I agree, because that's that's
Speaker 1: a human instinct to always weigh your options, you know,
Speaker 1: and there's always gonna be a prone conto everything, even
Speaker 1: if it's a completely positive situation. Of course, and with
Speaker 1: you too, it's tough because Tammy, you just obviously came
Speaker 1: off the Bachelor, so literally everybody is going to be
Speaker 1: expecting you to settle down. You know. It's just like
Speaker 1: that's what people ask Bachelor contestants. You know. It was
Speaker 1: the same thing like before Ashley and I were together,
Speaker 1: it's like you're always like asking when you're gonna find
Speaker 1: the one because you went on TV show to day,
Speaker 1: and then once we got married, it's always like the
Speaker 1: next step. Like we literally were together for a day
Speaker 1: and they're like, when you're gonna get married, and then
Speaker 1: you get married and they're like, when you're gonna have kids,
Speaker 1: and then you have a kid, and they're like when
Speaker 1: you can have another kid, and it's like, can we
Speaker 1: just all settle down for a second. We just breathe,
Speaker 1: role ax and take one step at a time. Wh
Speaker 1: le molin. But anyway, that's what we kind of signed
Speaker 1: up for. So don't stress. Just have fun. You're living
Speaker 1: in three different cities right now. You're in New York,
Speaker 1: l A and Tampa. By the way, go Bucks because
Speaker 1: I love Tom Brady. Uh, and just enjoy yourself. Do
Speaker 1: you get I was going to ask you, do you
Speaker 1: get hit on a lot when you bartend? I can't.
Speaker 1: I I would imagine all right, over or under you
Speaker 1: get at least two numbers a night, two phone numbers
Speaker 1: a night. Give it to you. Oh yeah, I obviously
Speaker 1: that's probably pretty average. Okay, I was gonna go I
Speaker 1: was gonna go with you over on that one. No,
Speaker 1: it's about too I think more intimidating now that I'm
Speaker 1: on I've been on the show before. It was like
Speaker 1: it was probably over um Our Bar is like one
Speaker 1: of the nicest bars in town, and like we there's
Speaker 1: a stigment that we only hire very beautiful people, which
Speaker 1: I agree, I think we're all beautiful. Well, I was
Speaker 1: about to say, like the only person I know that
Speaker 1: works there is you, and so yes, they live up
Speaker 1: to that stigma right now, thank you, thank you? Um well,
Speaker 1: funny enough. I actually I'm such a I date like
Speaker 1: a dude. I almost want to feel like I want
Speaker 1: to say, and people are gonna give for being like
Speaker 1: a pick me girl. But it's like I like to
Speaker 1: hit on guys like I don't like the guys hit
Speaker 1: on me. Okay, Yeah, The amount of times that I've
Speaker 1: hit on guys from me being behind the bar is
Speaker 1: a lot. Okay interesting. So usually as uh, you know,
Speaker 1: I feel like a lot of people their goal is
Speaker 1: to like try to take the bartender home or like
Speaker 1: get a date with the bartender. It's very rare. I
Speaker 1: feel like that the bartender is the one, you know,
Speaker 1: making the moves, but you're the one, you know, making
Speaker 1: drinks and trying to pick people up. Damn. I'm a
Speaker 1: natural warn multitesk apparently good for you. So you would
Speaker 1: rather approach your guy than have a guy approach you. Um,
Speaker 1: So I've been talking without my girlfriends and they're like,
Speaker 1: you need to feed into your femininity any more. So
Speaker 1: I'm like, okay, So, like let a guy like court you,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, oh, i'd rather, like, you know, hit
Speaker 1: on a guy. If I see something that I like,
Speaker 1: I'll just go and talk to them. But like I've
Speaker 1: been trying to let guys like reach out to me
Speaker 1: more first, and honestly, it's really more. It's more stressful.
Speaker 1: I hate this. Yeah, it's like a game. It's very stupid.
Speaker 1: It's it's such a stupid game. It is because like
Speaker 1: now I feel like I'm chasing him, and if funny enough,
Speaker 1: you would think would be the only way around if
Speaker 1: I was hitting on someone, i'd be chasing them. But
Speaker 1: it's like no, it's like I'm giving you what I want.
Speaker 1: Here's what I want, and you rather take it or
Speaker 1: leave it. And then that's that with like the femininity game,
Speaker 1: it's like, oh, does he like me? I think he's
Speaker 1: like doing the bare minimals. I think he likes me.
Speaker 1: I'd rather just know. Yeah. So I can't imagine though,
Speaker 1: if you went up to a guy and hit on
Speaker 1: the guy, that the guy would not be interested. So
Speaker 1: my question to you and I feel like I feel
Speaker 1: of like Ashley was kind of in this um category
Speaker 1: a little bit is that I feel like Ashley liked
Speaker 1: the chase where it was like, yeah, so you would
Speaker 1: you would go? So do you find yourself that sometimes
Speaker 1: you go after a guy and then you know that
Speaker 1: you can get him, and then all of a sudden
Speaker 1: you're like, yeah, like a h this is literally is
Speaker 1: that immature? Not at all. I think people who do
Speaker 1: that as like listen every first and foremost, like everybody
Speaker 1: loves it, you know what I mean. It's just it's
Speaker 1: not immature of you continue. Sorry. So the past guys
Speaker 1: that I've been seeing this past month, like the ones
Speaker 1: that literally I'm showing no interest in they I'm kidding you.
Speaker 1: They're talking about marriage and I'm like, I am just
Speaker 1: starting to see, like I don't I don't know what
Speaker 1: I want right now. And this one guy, this one
Speaker 1: guy that won't give me any attention, I am chasing
Speaker 1: the hardest it. I don't even like him. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: don't know. It's uh. You know what's funny is that
Speaker 1: you're probably gonna get the guy and then be like
Speaker 1: never mind, now now I got him. If he if
Speaker 1: you like, finally let me have him? Whatever, Yeah, I
Speaker 1: got him. It's just pray, you know what I mean,
Speaker 1: It's human instinct. We just want to get what we
Speaker 1: can't have to feel terrible. Don't feel terrible. Everybody feels
Speaker 1: that way. Whatever. Who cares like he's fine? Because how
Speaker 1: am I supposed to be a wife? If I keep
Speaker 1: pulling up these games? You know? Well, because at some
Speaker 1: point you'll find someone that you don't play these games
Speaker 1: with and that you guys mentioned and that you actually
Speaker 1: both really like each other, and then you'll just end
Speaker 1: up in a relationship and be happy. Like that's just
Speaker 1: the way it kind of goes. And then if it
Speaker 1: trusts me one, you're going to find someone that you
Speaker 1: want to be with long term. Like that I have
Speaker 1: no doubt about. But secondly, you shouldn't rush that. You've
Speaker 1: got plenty of time. People are getting married later in life.
Speaker 1: Uh you know, I was thirty How old was I? Jesus?
Speaker 1: How old am I? Now? I was thirty one when
Speaker 1: I got married. Ashley was thirty one. We were thirty
Speaker 1: or thirty one, So like plenty of time plus like
Speaker 1: I'm running out of time and it's like five years,
Speaker 1: five years you know how long. Think about where you
Speaker 1: were five years ago, so you were twenty two, Oh
Speaker 1: my god, you're right, Like I know, it's like, oh
Speaker 1: my god, five years aways. It's so it's coming at
Speaker 1: so fast. But then you think about everything that's happened
Speaker 1: within those five years and you're like, okay, never mind,
Speaker 1: maybe there's like a lot of that still is about
Speaker 1: to happen. So like, yes, five years is a long time,
Speaker 1: but like I feel like I want to be with
Speaker 1: someone for at least two years before I get engage
Speaker 1: with them, and like I'm I don't know, yeah, I mean,
Speaker 1: and then technically only three years to date. Ah yeah,
Speaker 1: well no, well yeah, yeah, I guess you're right. But
Speaker 1: then also, like what's your rush? What? So if you
Speaker 1: get married at thirty three, I mean, like I mean,
Speaker 1: if we're talking about even if you give birth at
Speaker 1: thirty three, thirty four, like you're still a young mom.
Speaker 1: Ashley just turned thirty four while we're old and she
Speaker 1: just gave birth, so I would like to think will
Speaker 1: be a young mom. Plus like thirties the new twenty five.
Speaker 1: Let's be honest, come on, now, it's a new third
Speaker 1: Like you know, I know, well, we're all like knock
Speaker 1: on wood, will all live a little bit longer than
Speaker 1: our ancestors have, and like we're getting married later in life.
Speaker 1: And just my biggest pet, peeve is not my biggest
Speaker 1: pet peeve. My biggest piece of advice to timmy, don't
Speaker 1: worry about it. Don't listen to these crazy people on
Speaker 1: the internet who are mean to you. There's a lot.
Speaker 1: I bet there's way more people who are nice to
Speaker 1: you than mean to you. So just let those comments
Speaker 1: fall off your shoulder. Because one I always say, like
Speaker 1: the way I live my life and I listen, I
Speaker 1: need to practice when I preached, but like one day
Speaker 1: I'm gonna die and on my deathbed, uh, you know,
Speaker 1: I think one of the things I look back on
Speaker 1: and be like, why the hell did I stress about
Speaker 1: all these stupid that I should not have worried about,
Speaker 1: because now my time is up, Like my time is
Speaker 1: up now, and I should have spent it more focusing
Speaker 1: on the things I wanted to do and I loved
Speaker 1: and living in the moment, rather than focusing on like
Speaker 1: someone who who called the pizza face, which has happened
Speaker 1: because I had I had a little bit of acne
Speaker 1: on the show, they called me pizza face. What a dickhead? Right,
Speaker 1: it's whatever, it did, probably that much. But anyhoo, I
Speaker 1: forget where I was going with this rant. I don't know.
Speaker 1: We all suck a day. You're right, we all suck
Speaker 1: a dating. Don't listen to the trolls live in the moment. Uh. So,
Speaker 1: we do have some emails that we want to get to,
Speaker 1: so we do this segment every week where we have
Speaker 1: a couple of emailers our listeners emails, questions or comments,
Speaker 1: and then we answer them live on the air. But
Speaker 1: before we do that, I did want to say a huge,
Speaker 1: huge congratulations to our former co host of Vanessa Grimaldi,
Speaker 1: who is pregnant and she just announced that she is
Speaker 1: expecting her first baby with uh Joshua, her husband. Uh,
Speaker 1: it's it's it's pretty awesome. So Vanessa, do you know? So? Uh?
Speaker 1: Do you know who Vanessa is? She was she was
Speaker 1: on Nick Bile all season. Yes, yes, and she's gonna
Speaker 1: be an incredible mom. She was a co host in
Speaker 1: this podcast for a while, but she lives up in Canada,
Speaker 1: so it was remote and it kind of wasn't working out.
Speaker 1: Not because she wasn't great. She was a wonderful co host,
Speaker 1: but just the timing of everything, it was tough over
Speaker 1: zoom and and so um she ended up moving on,
Speaker 1: but we love her dearly. She's an incredible person. She's
Speaker 1: like when I was sitting next to Ashley, we've heard
Speaker 1: Vanessa was announcer pregnancy, and the first thing is both
Speaker 1: Ashley and I looked at each other and it was like,
Speaker 1: she's going to be an incredible mother. Um, she's great
Speaker 1: with kids, she's a great person, and uh, I'm very
Speaker 1: excited for her. So congratulations Vanessa. Congratulations Joshua. I know
Speaker 1: if Dean was here, he would say the exact same thing.
Speaker 1: We love you, and uh, we wish nothing but love
Speaker 1: for you and your family. So I just wanted to
Speaker 1: say that. But let's take a quick break and then
Speaker 1: we'll get back with emails. All right, we are back,
Speaker 1: and we have emails. Easton or Mark, if you're out
Speaker 1: there in the university, would like to read these emails
Speaker 1: Himmy and I. That would be fantastic. Well, I'd love
Speaker 1: to if you don't mind, Oh, Mark, I live for it.
Speaker 1: Here we go. This is from anonymous and it's a
Speaker 1: real shame Dean's not here. For this one because he's
Speaker 1: the one to weigh in on this. But here we go.
Speaker 1: I've lived with my boyfriend for a year and now
Speaker 1: we have a great relationship. However, he has started to
Speaker 1: let himself go, not working out, not brushing his teeth
Speaker 1: since he worked from home all day, not flushing the toilet, etcetera.
Speaker 1: I don't have a brother, so I don't know if
Speaker 1: this is normal for guys, but I just wish he
Speaker 1: would put more effort into his hygiene. How can I
Speaker 1: bring this up to him without hurting his feelings? I mean,
Speaker 1: there's a difference between letting yourself go a little bit
Speaker 1: and not brushing your teeth and flushing the toilet actually
Speaker 1: went away in this with those compared. Come here for
Speaker 1: a second, Tammy, what are your thoughts about this? First
Speaker 1: of all, Mark, you have a great news anchor voice.
Speaker 1: Thank you very much, Tammy. That's I mean, he's got
Speaker 1: the face for TV and the voice for radio or
Speaker 1: vice versa. What's the question? So pretty much this anonymous
Speaker 1: emailed in and said they have a great relationship, but
Speaker 1: her boyfriend started to let himself go to the point
Speaker 1: where I initially I was like, oh, he's not going
Speaker 1: to the gym, or he's you know, kind of putting
Speaker 1: a little weight on. She said, he's not brushing his
Speaker 1: teeth because he works home one day and he's not
Speaker 1: flushing the toilet. Well, is he not flushing p or
Speaker 1: is it neither? Is it's more of the point of
Speaker 1: not flushing. Yeah, I know that's gross, and you know
Speaker 1: so many people do that. I'm glad that you're not
Speaker 1: one of those people that forget to flush. Oh my gosh. Well,
Speaker 1: I just feel like in my oh my god, like
Speaker 1: college dorms. Think about your college dorm. Every nobody flushed
Speaker 1: and it was so gross a college dorm were you in?
Speaker 1: What college should you go to? I want to sercy
Speaker 1: your grad school, so I didn't have to do that
Speaker 1: situation there. Um okay, wait, so Tammy, have you ever
Speaker 1: been in a situation like this? Never? Okay, okay, my bad, Okay.
Speaker 1: I guess I lived with people who didn't flush a lot.
Speaker 1: But I think of the cheap brushing thing. Are you
Speaker 1: judging me that? Like I often go, you know, if
Speaker 1: I'm home alone, sometimes you brush your teeth. He's just
Speaker 1: not gonna do it. I just do it too late
Speaker 1: in the afternoon. Sometimes and I'm judging myself. But I'm
Speaker 1: going to go do that right now, so like you know,
Speaker 1: I will go to twelve. Yeah, that's my point is
Speaker 1: that sometimes like I'll get up in the morning, I'll
Speaker 1: take care of Dawson. She sleeps in. So it makes
Speaker 1: sense she wants to have her coffee and then brush
Speaker 1: your teeth. Exactly, are you a coffee then brush your
Speaker 1: teeth or brush your teeth and then coffee brush your
Speaker 1: teeth and coffee brush your teeth first the first thing
Speaker 1: you wake up. I mean, we don't do that, both
Speaker 1: of us don't do that. Yeah, not good. I mean
Speaker 1: I brush my teeth before I leave the house obviously anytime,
Speaker 1: but like, yeah, I have coffee, then brush my teeth. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I gotta go by teeth back to al right. So anyway,
Speaker 1: so I don't know what Tammy, what's advice for this person.
Speaker 1: I think that a person taking care of themselves has
Speaker 1: like a lot of like how they see theirselves is
Speaker 1: like self value. And if he's letting himself go to
Speaker 1: a point where it's like those are basic hygiene, um,
Speaker 1: then I think she needs to tell him, you know,
Speaker 1: and that's going to be a brutal conversation, even if
Speaker 1: it was the nicest way possible. Yeah, I can someone
Speaker 1: who doesn't brush their teeth or doesn't flush the toilet.
Speaker 1: Could you imagine going into the bathroom and seeing just
Speaker 1: like a giant, just giant in the toilet, and being like,
Speaker 1: I would send me I sleep in the same bed
Speaker 1: as this human being. This this guy sounds like Amber
Speaker 1: heard just leaving turds all over the place. Uh So, Yeah,
Speaker 1: my suggestion is you definitely have to address it gently.
Speaker 1: I mean the letting yourself go. If he's like, I
Speaker 1: can relate to not going to the gym as much
Speaker 1: because ever since I've become a dad, I in the
Speaker 1: new business, I've unable to go to the gym as
Speaker 1: much as I want. So, like, I can feel that
Speaker 1: I'm just not in the best shape I've been in,
Speaker 1: and that makes me feel very insecure and sad. But
Speaker 1: you know, I mean, I brush my teeth and flush
Speaker 1: the toilet and like do the basic necessities necessities to life.
Speaker 1: Uh So, yeah, there's gotta be some way to address
Speaker 1: this without being mean, but also letting them know that,
Speaker 1: you know, come on, we're adults here. Mark, You have
Speaker 1: any advice, Yeah, I think you come at him as
Speaker 1: in a place for concerned, because I feel like guys
Speaker 1: aren't great with their mental health. Guys are just go,
Speaker 1: go go, and they don't think about it and they
Speaker 1: don't really worry about that stuff because it's like weak
Speaker 1: or something. I think it's a bad sign. I think
Speaker 1: he's very concerned. I think you should be concerned for
Speaker 1: him and his mental health because when you stop doing
Speaker 1: the bay sick, just the basic everyday things of life,
Speaker 1: that's when he's really kind of entering a place of
Speaker 1: probably depression. And working from home all day I think
Speaker 1: can accelerate that path of depression because you don't see
Speaker 1: people and you kind of lose touch with reality. So
Speaker 1: I'm a little worried about him. So I think gets
Speaker 1: to talk with him about concern for his well being,
Speaker 1: and I think we need to make some efforts to
Speaker 1: get him up and out of the house as much
Speaker 1: as we possibly can and give him a reason to
Speaker 1: kind of worry about himself totally. And that can come
Speaker 1: from that can come from a place of love too,
Speaker 1: which is a much better way to address the conversation, is,
Speaker 1: like Mark said, addressing in a way of like, hey,
Speaker 1: I'm concerned I want to make sure you're okay, because
Speaker 1: you're not. I'm grossed out by you. I'm concerned about
Speaker 1: you exactly. Good job mark. Thanks buddy number two from Anonymous.
Speaker 1: I've been in a relationship for almost two years, and
Speaker 1: recently I think I've developed actual feelings for another person,
Speaker 1: my gym trainer. Lately, I feel like I'm emotionally cheating
Speaker 1: on my boyfriend, and I feel guilty about it. I
Speaker 1: have dreams about this guy. I suddenly want to work
Speaker 1: out every day so I can see him. I get
Speaker 1: excited when he texts me about work out videos. He
Speaker 1: sees it tags me and stuff my stomach legit flips
Speaker 1: and I get butterflies. That's some sort of emotional cheating, right, Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's always the gym trainer. I was just going to
Speaker 1: say that, are you into this guy or are you
Speaker 1: into the idea? Well, first of all, is it uh?
Speaker 1: I don't want to assume that, like it's a girl
Speaker 1: versus a guy, but like, are you into this person
Speaker 1: or are you do you just want to sleep with
Speaker 1: this person? Because there's definitely like like anytime you have
Speaker 1: a gym trainer, it's hot, it's sweaty, you're like bending,
Speaker 1: it's very flexible. Like there's definitely a lot of sexual
Speaker 1: tension in that. So you know, it's it's obviously normal
Speaker 1: to be attracted to your gym trainer, but like if
Speaker 1: you're getting butterflies and excited about seeing this person to
Speaker 1: the point where like you think about them all the time,
Speaker 1: I would switch gym trainers. Yeah. It also might be
Speaker 1: a psychological thing where it's like you're associating this um
Speaker 1: the thing that you're doing to better yourself and the
Speaker 1: person that's involved with that. You know, so you're like, oh,
Speaker 1: this is a good thing. So it's like the people
Speaker 1: around me is going to be a good thing for me.
Speaker 1: So maybe she's mixing those feelings together because I don't
Speaker 1: think maybe if he was ugly or she whoever the
Speaker 1: trainer is, would they feel the same way or would
Speaker 1: they still feel these butterflies becausey're associating the feeling of
Speaker 1: like bettering yourself with the butterfly. Yeah, that's interesting. She
Speaker 1: refers to him as this guy in him, so it's
Speaker 1: a male. But I I don't think this is that
Speaker 1: big a deal. Honestly, she hasn't crossed any line, right,
Speaker 1: there's a line where well, that's the question. If you're
Speaker 1: tempted to, you should probably change trainers. But I do
Speaker 1: feel like little crushes happen along the way. They're normal,
Speaker 1: and you can't help it. You're not like seeking someone
Speaker 1: out certainly can help your dreams, you can't help your butterflies.
Speaker 1: They happen. And I think this will pass as long
Speaker 1: as you or he don't take it to the next
Speaker 1: level where you're texting him something personal, you're texting the picture,
Speaker 1: something you're going out of your way to see. I'm
Speaker 1: not a different situation, but as of right now, I
Speaker 1: think you're okay. You haven't. I don't think this is
Speaker 1: emotionally cheating yet. I think it'll pass. I think it's normal.
Speaker 1: I think it's okay. I agree that little crushes happen.
Speaker 1: But the line that got me was my stomach legit flips.
Speaker 1: It was like, all right, she seems a little a
Speaker 1: little into like too much into him. It would be
Speaker 1: one thing if you, like you said, like, hey, I'm
Speaker 1: actually attracted to my Jim Tran or like I get
Speaker 1: excited to see this person, and it's like okay, of course,
Speaker 1: like you said, like you know, there's you know, millions
Speaker 1: of millions of people in this country and all around
Speaker 1: the world, Like you're gonna find someone else attractive besides
Speaker 1: your significant other. But if you're saying your stomach legit
Speaker 1: flips and you get giddy every time this person texts you,
Speaker 1: I don't know that's getting like it's it's it's getting that,
Speaker 1: it's it's getting too close to that line for me. Yeah, alright,
Speaker 1: fair enough. Yeah, or just break up with boyfriend and
Speaker 1: start dating the trainer. All right, I think that's gonna
Speaker 1: do it. For this week's episode of help I Suck
Speaker 1: at Dating, Tammy, thank you so much for joining us.
Speaker 1: It was a pleasure. Thanks for having me, Oh my god.
Speaker 1: Of course, please come back anytime, uh and give us
Speaker 1: an update on either the crazy boy dating life or
Speaker 1: the hiatus you're gonna take, because I'm very interested in
Speaker 1: either you. Oh, We're gonna ask you back so we
Speaker 1: can get updates. Uh. So, once again, please keep emailing us,
Speaker 1: of course, our emails I Suck a Dating on I
Speaker 1: Heart media dot com. Uh. It's probably the only reason
Speaker 1: Dean will come back to this podcast, So please keep
Speaker 1: sending your emails because it is a favorite segment. You
Speaker 1: can follow us on Instagram, we are at Help I
Speaker 1: Suck at Dating. Give us a review too. We always
Speaker 1: love reading reviews, letting us know. Hopefully you're enjoying the podcast.
Speaker 1: If not, what we can do better, um, but if
Speaker 1: you tell us what we can do better, please still
Speaker 1: leave us five stars because that helps a lot. But really,
Speaker 1: I just appreciate every single one of you for listening
Speaker 1: to this podcast, and please tune in next week, where
Speaker 1: hopefully we suck a little less. Follow Help by Suck
Speaker 1: at Dating on I Heart Radio or wherever you listen
Speaker 1: to podcast HM