WEBVTT - Bi-Coastal Dating with Tammy Kay Ly 0:00:00.480 --> 0:00:04.640 Hell I Suck at Dating with Dengler and Dared Haven 0:00:04.920 --> 0:00:10.840 and I heard radio podcast. Hey, welcome to an all 0:00:10.840 --> 0:00:14.400 no episode of Help I Suck at Dating No Dean Today. 0:00:14.440 --> 0:00:16.079 We'll get into that in a little while, but we 0:00:16.079 --> 0:00:18.120 have a very special co host today. You know her, 0:00:18.120 --> 0:00:21.040 of course from herst season on The Bachelor and Bachelor 0:00:21.079 --> 0:00:25.760 in Paradise. It is Tammy Lee. Tammy, how are you hi, Jared? 0:00:25.840 --> 0:00:27.920 I'm good. How are you? I'm doing well. This is 0:00:27.920 --> 0:00:31.120 the first time we've met. Uh. It's it's always interesting, 0:00:31.160 --> 0:00:33.800 like meeting new Bachelor people because it's it's like I 0:00:33.880 --> 0:00:36.760 know you, but I don't know you. So even when 0:00:36.800 --> 0:00:38.600 you popped on, I was like, have we met? I 0:00:38.640 --> 0:00:41.639 don't think we have, but I feel like I know you. Yeah. 0:00:42.280 --> 0:00:44.000 It's like a little luck club. I don't know how 0:00:44.000 --> 0:00:47.240 to explain it, but um, but Dean is not here, 0:00:47.280 --> 0:00:49.960 like we said, and Tammy and I were talking before 0:00:49.960 --> 0:00:53.880 we started recording, and so let me read. I'm going 0:00:53.960 --> 0:00:55.680 to read the text message that I got from Dean. 0:00:56.960 --> 0:01:02.160 This was yesterday. Uh so, Tammy, little bit of background. Dean. Uh, 0:01:02.520 --> 0:01:06.960 sometimes is unable to make these podcasts because I don't 0:01:06.959 --> 0:01:08.800 know what the hell he's doing. He's always doing something. 0:01:09.080 --> 0:01:13.319 He's like in Mexico for a bachelor party, or he's 0:01:13.440 --> 0:01:16.440 like in a car with no WiFi, or he's scaling 0:01:16.800 --> 0:01:19.160 the side of a mountain. Like this man just does 0:01:19.200 --> 0:01:22.520 not stop. So the point is really the point is 0:01:22.560 --> 0:01:23.720 I think we're gonna have to switch to day we 0:01:23.760 --> 0:01:26.600 record this podcast. But more importantly, yesterday we get a 0:01:26.600 --> 0:01:30.360 text Mtein and it says, hey, guys, I hate to 0:01:30.400 --> 0:01:33.959 say this, but I'm floating the Colorado River right now 0:01:34.000 --> 0:01:36.680 and I have no service at my campsite. I'll be 0:01:36.720 --> 0:01:39.440 back in service in the early afternoon. Anyway, we could 0:01:39.440 --> 0:01:44.400 delay the podcast. We couldn't delay the podcast. But now 0:01:44.600 --> 0:01:46.640 we were talking, I was like, oh, Dean can't make it. 0:01:46.720 --> 0:01:49.120 He's like on the Colorado River with no WiFi. And 0:01:49.160 --> 0:01:52.800 then Tammy goes, wait, is he he in stagecoach? So 0:01:52.880 --> 0:01:58.720 now it's a shame because one of our producers mark Eastern, 0:01:58.760 --> 0:02:01.440 do you still trackting? I don't know if you do 0:02:01.600 --> 0:02:06.360 or not? Oh boy do I Okay, let's figure this out. 0:02:08.560 --> 0:02:12.680 Dean says, no location found currently, So either he turned 0:02:12.720 --> 0:02:15.280 me off because if he was, he knew this exact 0:02:15.280 --> 0:02:18.760 thing was going to happen or he is in fact 0:02:18.840 --> 0:02:23.520 floating down the Colorado River. Um, hopefully alive. But that's 0:02:23.560 --> 0:02:27.960 what Yes, let's hope he's alive. First and foremost, both 0:02:28.000 --> 0:02:31.320 things are very doable for him to do. Yeah, he's 0:02:31.320 --> 0:02:33.560 done this before. He's like hidden his location for me 0:02:33.560 --> 0:02:36.280 because he knew. I was like, you have a podcast 0:02:36.320 --> 0:02:39.520 to do, you know, like, yeah, tell me One time 0:02:39.800 --> 0:02:43.799 he was saying, uh, he said he had something like 0:02:43.880 --> 0:02:46.560 he was in no service or like he couldn't figure 0:02:46.560 --> 0:02:48.400 something out, and he was trying to lay the podcast. 0:02:48.760 --> 0:02:52.040 And then on on the air, we were like, wait 0:02:52.040 --> 0:02:54.480 a minute, Mark, who was another producer on this podcast, 0:02:54.480 --> 0:02:57.080 don't you track Dean? He tracked him. He was on 0:02:57.200 --> 0:02:59.840 like the eighth hole of a golf course and so 0:03:00.000 --> 0:03:05.560 there in California. Now there's Mark there. He is right there. Uh. 0:03:05.760 --> 0:03:07.560 And it was it was so good. So I was 0:03:07.600 --> 0:03:09.480 really hoping that we would like catch him in the 0:03:09.520 --> 0:03:12.880 act of like you know, teeing off on some golfings 0:03:12.880 --> 0:03:16.000 of the CALLI but I can confirm no location, pund 0:03:16.120 --> 0:03:20.800 so he is hiding somewhere. He's finally caught onto our tricks. Anyway, 0:03:21.160 --> 0:03:23.440 enough about Dean Tammy. This is about you. Thanks so 0:03:23.560 --> 0:03:27.320 much for coming onto the podcast. Uh so you are obviously. 0:03:27.360 --> 0:03:29.560 I think the last time we saw you was Bachelor 0:03:29.560 --> 0:03:32.880 in Paradise this past summer. H So, how was your 0:03:32.880 --> 0:03:39.160 overall experience on the Bachelor franchise? Um? Overall, it's been 0:03:39.320 --> 0:03:42.400 good up until the very end, um, you know, and 0:03:42.440 --> 0:03:44.600 now that I'm like talking to other people and like 0:03:44.680 --> 0:03:48.920 trying to pinpoint all the stories that I was really 0:03:48.960 --> 0:03:51.240 blind to, and I'm like, did I really have a 0:03:51.280 --> 0:03:54.120 good time throughout this process? I mean, I'm super thankful 0:03:54.160 --> 0:03:56.600 for and of course I had a blast on Paradise, 0:03:56.960 --> 0:03:59.880 but like, I don't think they're giving credit where credit is. 0:04:00.000 --> 0:04:02.480 You're like, uh us as the cast also as a 0:04:02.520 --> 0:04:07.240 huge factor of like where our outcome is, you know. Um, 0:04:07.280 --> 0:04:09.240 So yeah, I mean I loved Paradise. I thought it 0:04:09.280 --> 0:04:11.280 was so much fun. I hate the way and laughed 0:04:11.320 --> 0:04:14.600 of course, but yeah, I mean right now, I think 0:04:14.600 --> 0:04:18.320 I'm just getting to take a little hiatus from the franchise, 0:04:18.400 --> 0:04:20.400 just like a mental break, because it was a lot 0:04:20.440 --> 0:04:23.920 for me, and then who knows if I'll be back. Um, 0:04:23.960 --> 0:04:25.480 you know, it was like family to me, so I 0:04:25.480 --> 0:04:27.360 would hate to just cut it off like that, But 0:04:27.800 --> 0:04:31.320 who knows. Yeah, it does become family too. It's it's 0:04:31.360 --> 0:04:35.039 a love hate relationship because there have been times Obviously 0:04:35.120 --> 0:04:37.240 I'm a big supporter of the franchise. I met my 0:04:37.279 --> 0:04:39.760 wife through in an unconventional way, but now we have 0:04:39.800 --> 0:04:42.880 a son from it. But you know, that's also there 0:04:42.880 --> 0:04:44.760 were times actually, and I are very transparent about the 0:04:44.760 --> 0:04:47.719 idea that like, we love the people that work on 0:04:47.720 --> 0:04:51.400 the show, but there'd be times where we knew that 0:04:51.520 --> 0:04:54.200 they didn't have our best interests at hand, not to 0:04:54.279 --> 0:04:56.799 any fault of their own, like they're making a TV show. 0:04:57.480 --> 0:05:04.920 Huh yeah, mostly our engagement. But um, it's still like, yeah, 0:05:04.960 --> 0:05:06.800 we still invite these people to our wedding. We love 0:05:06.839 --> 0:05:08.839 them so much. So there is this I totally Understan 0:05:08.880 --> 0:05:10.720 where you're coming from, this economy of like this love 0:05:10.720 --> 0:05:12.839 hate relationship where you're like, man, it's family and I 0:05:12.880 --> 0:05:15.520 love it. But there's like, obviously there's also that aspect 0:05:15.520 --> 0:05:16.880 of it is a TV show and they have a 0:05:16.960 --> 0:05:20.920 job to do. Um. So it's it's a hard balance, uh. 0:05:20.920 --> 0:05:24.280 And it's really weird. Um. But and and like you said, 0:05:24.400 --> 0:05:26.719 it's this weird mental state that you have when you 0:05:26.760 --> 0:05:28.880 go on the show because like you're just thrown into 0:05:28.920 --> 0:05:32.960 this mind f because then you have like I remember 0:05:33.000 --> 0:05:36.160 the first time people started talking about me, and it's like, 0:05:36.920 --> 0:05:39.880 I'll never forget it was Facebook. This is how old 0:05:39.880 --> 0:05:42.359 I am. Uh Facebook was prominent. I didn't have an 0:05:42.360 --> 0:05:44.600 Instagram before one on the show, but I remember on 0:05:44.680 --> 0:05:46.960 Facebook with my name first got released for the show, 0:05:47.520 --> 0:05:49.760 all like people that knew me from high school that 0:05:49.760 --> 0:05:51.560 I haven't talked to in years. All of a sudden 0:05:51.560 --> 0:05:54.960 there was this huge thread about me being like did 0:05:55.000 --> 0:05:57.640 you hear Jared's on the Bachelor? Da da da da? 0:05:57.880 --> 0:06:00.479 And it was just the craziest thing because that's ever happened. 0:06:00.480 --> 0:06:03.080 That doesn't happen every day where it's just like, you know, 0:06:03.400 --> 0:06:06.599 thirty forty people are just like commenting back and forth 0:06:06.640 --> 0:06:10.320 about you and like how they knew you, or like 0:06:10.360 --> 0:06:12.120 when the last time they saw you, or like how 0:06:12.200 --> 0:06:16.120 crazy it is and it's just who it was jarring 0:06:16.200 --> 0:06:19.040 to say at least, um, I mean, you get accustomed 0:06:19.040 --> 0:06:21.000 to it, but yeah, it's crazy. I think a mental 0:06:21.040 --> 0:06:23.920 break is a very good thing to have. I just 0:06:23.960 --> 0:06:28.000 think that the franchise fans are very toxic, and like 0:06:28.040 --> 0:06:30.120 I wish they weren't, you know, but like I've never 0:06:30.960 --> 0:06:32.680 I mean, there's a handful of them that are so 0:06:32.839 --> 0:06:34.880 loyal and so sweet to me, but like a majority 0:06:34.880 --> 0:06:38.560 of them that I read, they're so mean, so judgmental, 0:06:38.680 --> 0:06:41.479 they are unforgiving, and it's just like I feel like 0:06:41.480 --> 0:06:43.760 it's impossible to try to please them, you know. So 0:06:43.960 --> 0:06:46.080 like I was trying to get an acceptance from a 0:06:46.120 --> 0:06:47.719 crowd that was never going to accept me in the 0:06:47.720 --> 0:06:52.039 first place. It's tough, You're right. I mean, there's a 0:06:52.080 --> 0:06:54.799 lot of wonderful people who followed the show that reach 0:06:54.839 --> 0:06:58.840 out and comment and say nothing but incredible things. But yeah, 0:06:58.839 --> 0:07:04.120 there's a very loud minority that, I mean just scoll 0:07:04.240 --> 0:07:07.080 you and they say things like I've I've told this 0:07:07.160 --> 0:07:09.320 story a million times of the podcast, So I apologize 0:07:09.360 --> 0:07:12.920 for repeating myself. But there was a girl that I 0:07:12.960 --> 0:07:15.240 went on a date with that I knew personally, and 0:07:15.280 --> 0:07:17.160 we went on a couple of dates, and she's very 0:07:17.280 --> 0:07:19.920 nice and sweet and down to earth, and you know, 0:07:20.000 --> 0:07:21.400 she was a little bit you know, she was like 0:07:21.440 --> 0:07:23.000 twenty I think we went on a date like when 0:07:23.000 --> 0:07:25.840 she was like twenty two, and so she was, you know, 0:07:25.840 --> 0:07:29.920 I was twenty seven at the time. I think but um, 0:07:29.960 --> 0:07:32.040 you know, she was a Bachelor fan, she knew the show, 0:07:32.760 --> 0:07:36.040 and anyway, like it didn't go anywhere. We still remained friendly, 0:07:36.200 --> 0:07:39.040 like followed each other on social media, and then I 0:07:39.080 --> 0:07:45.880 remember a Bachelorette season ended and she obviously did not 0:07:46.040 --> 0:07:48.920 like the person that the bachelorette picked, and she commented 0:07:49.000 --> 0:07:51.520 underneath the picture and I saw it because I follow 0:07:51.600 --> 0:07:53.920 her and comments that you know, from people that you follow, 0:07:54.200 --> 0:07:57.600 go up to the top. And she said, uh, you know, 0:07:57.920 --> 0:08:02.760 good luck in life with your shitty husband. And I 0:08:02.840 --> 0:08:05.800 was like, I can't believe it. I cannot believe it. 0:08:05.840 --> 0:08:09.200 So I messaged her, I said, why do you say that? 0:08:09.720 --> 0:08:11.240 And I hadn't spoken to her, you know, like a 0:08:11.280 --> 0:08:13.760 few months or a year at this point, and then 0:08:13.800 --> 0:08:16.000 she was like, oh my god, I already deleted it. 0:08:16.040 --> 0:08:17.880 I feel so terrible. I just was so mad that 0:08:17.920 --> 0:08:21.000 she picked this guy, and I just wanted to say something. 0:08:21.120 --> 0:08:25.559 And it made me realize that people just don't think 0:08:25.600 --> 0:08:28.280 we're ever going to see their comments. People don't think 0:08:28.320 --> 0:08:30.440 before they say things. Not to make this right, it's 0:08:30.440 --> 0:08:35.040 not justified, but it's just it's crazy how like people 0:08:35.200 --> 0:08:41.360 just need to say like like mean things, and we 0:08:41.440 --> 0:08:43.000 do it like we all do in our lives. Right, 0:08:43.040 --> 0:08:45.200 we watch reality TV and we're like, oh that what 0:08:45.240 --> 0:08:47.440 the what the hell was that? Pert, That's the stupidest 0:08:47.440 --> 0:08:49.920 thing I've ever seen. But like to say it towards 0:08:49.920 --> 0:08:52.720 someone on social media, I think they nobody just thinks 0:08:52.720 --> 0:08:55.400 about their actions and it's not right. Um, but I 0:08:55.720 --> 0:08:59.199 think and then of course there's just bad people out there, right, 0:08:59.240 --> 0:09:02.480 I mean it's just brutal, you know. So like I 0:09:02.480 --> 0:09:04.480 I don't know if like every franchise has a fan 0:09:04.520 --> 0:09:08.000 base like this, but I don't know. I just feel 0:09:08.040 --> 0:09:09.880 like judge on everything that I do. So I'm like, 0:09:09.920 --> 0:09:11.920 I'm just going to take a break from them. Yeah, 0:09:12.040 --> 0:09:15.360 well you do whatever is best for you. But Tammy, 0:09:15.400 --> 0:09:19.520 you're you're on the Bachelor, You're beautiful, you're young, you 0:09:19.600 --> 0:09:21.559 have a lot of great things going for you, seem 0:09:21.679 --> 0:09:24.720 very smart, nice, Like, don't listen to people that truly 0:09:24.720 --> 0:09:26.840 you because most of the people that do just hate 0:09:26.880 --> 0:09:29.640 their own lives. And uh, it's a good point. Yeah, 0:09:29.679 --> 0:09:33.520 the best revenge is living well and ignoring them because 0:09:33.520 --> 0:09:36.520 they all they want is intention But anyway, on on 0:09:36.559 --> 0:09:38.120 two better things. So what are you up to now? 0:09:38.160 --> 0:09:39.560 So how's life where do you live? By the way, 0:09:39.559 --> 0:09:43.280 I don't even know. I live in New York. I 0:09:43.320 --> 0:09:45.240 also live in l A. And I also live in 0:09:45.320 --> 0:09:48.720 Tampa right now, I just flew back in last night. 0:09:49.080 --> 0:09:51.240 I'm in New York for probably a couple of weeks, 0:09:51.240 --> 0:09:53.880 and then I head back to Tampa for a bit, 0:09:53.920 --> 0:09:55.360 and then I'm going to head back to l A. 0:09:55.600 --> 0:09:57.480 So what makes you bounce back and forth between those 0:09:57.480 --> 0:10:02.240 three places. Oh, you're in real estate. So the markets 0:10:02.280 --> 0:10:04.920 like the craziest time ever right now. Yeah, market is 0:10:04.960 --> 0:10:08.000 really good. So yeah, I'm just balancing on that. I 0:10:08.040 --> 0:10:11.080 just got my California license, so I've been out there 0:10:11.120 --> 0:10:15.680 doing a bunch of projects around that. But I also 0:10:15.720 --> 0:10:17.880 have a project in Tamba, excuse me, that I've been 0:10:17.880 --> 0:10:19.480 working on, so I'm just going to check on it. 0:10:20.240 --> 0:10:22.360 But yeah, I mean I still have six jobs, so 0:10:22.440 --> 0:10:27.400 I just kind of bounced around and do six jobs. Yeah, 0:10:27.480 --> 0:10:30.920 my god, what are your six jobs? So? I do 0:10:31.000 --> 0:10:34.160 real estate, a real state agent. I'm also an investor, 0:10:34.360 --> 0:10:37.760 so I invest in properties. I also flip properties, um 0:10:37.880 --> 0:10:43.280 so like construction. I own insurance brokerage and a bartend. 0:10:44.040 --> 0:10:47.240 I still do some commercial modeling and acting, and I 0:10:47.240 --> 0:10:49.480 have my own marketing company. Damn, what's the name of 0:10:49.480 --> 0:10:53.439 the marketing company. It's just called Tammy Kay Inc. That's awesome. 0:10:53.480 --> 0:10:55.840 Oh my god. So you just pretty much don't stop 0:10:55.880 --> 0:10:58.880 to you. No, I don't stop. So do you have 0:10:58.920 --> 0:11:02.720 any time for dating now? Okay? So I just recently 0:11:02.720 --> 0:11:06.640 went back into the dating pool. No, it's bad because 0:11:06.679 --> 0:11:11.880 when I date, I will date really crazy and then 0:11:11.880 --> 0:11:15.240 I won't talk to me again for like three years. Wow. 0:11:15.320 --> 0:11:18.120 All right, so very very healthy. So when you say 0:11:18.120 --> 0:11:19.800 you go crazy, do you go on like a date 0:11:20.400 --> 0:11:24.160 like five times a week? Okay, that's a bit much. 0:11:24.200 --> 0:11:26.360 Maybe a couple times a week. Maybe a couple of 0:11:26.360 --> 0:11:28.319 times a week, like I'll see like a couple of people. 0:11:28.520 --> 0:11:32.720 But um, yeah, I don't know. Dating is weird, especially 0:11:32.760 --> 0:11:36.719 after the show. Oh, I can imagine. So, I mean 0:11:36.720 --> 0:11:39.840 you're lucky, you do you just wanted to hunt? And yeah, 0:11:39.920 --> 0:11:43.679 I mean I got lucky. I think one. Dating after 0:11:43.720 --> 0:11:45.760 the show is much different for a guy than it 0:11:45.880 --> 0:11:50.440 is a girl. Um, I would imagine, just because as 0:11:50.480 --> 0:11:52.360 a guy, when you come off the show and if 0:11:52.360 --> 0:11:56.480 you're single, I mean, the majority of the viewership is women, 0:11:56.600 --> 0:12:03.600 So I feel like there's just a different perception I 0:12:03.600 --> 0:12:07.800 don't know. I think, like I'm being honest, if I 0:12:07.600 --> 0:12:09.720 if I had to guess most of the dates that 0:12:09.760 --> 0:12:12.160 I went on after the show. You know, I was 0:12:12.240 --> 0:12:14.679 on Hinge for a while, and I was on uh, 0:12:15.320 --> 0:12:18.480 what's the other one? Bumble, and like I feel like 0:12:18.559 --> 0:12:21.400 probably nine nine percent of the dates I went on, 0:12:22.080 --> 0:12:24.400 like the women watched the show knew exactly who I was. 0:12:24.679 --> 0:12:26.720 Do you find out a lot of guys recognize you 0:12:26.720 --> 0:12:29.080 and they're like, oh, I watched the show or is 0:12:29.120 --> 0:12:31.560 it well, we met, we were talking and then I 0:12:31.640 --> 0:12:35.160 googled you and found out that you were on the show. God, 0:12:35.720 --> 0:12:37.800 I think it's probably more of the second one. Um, 0:12:37.920 --> 0:12:40.760 I try to date people who don't really know the show. 0:12:41.320 --> 0:12:43.720 The last two guys that I've been seeing actually did 0:12:43.880 --> 0:12:48.560 know of me before um I started seeing them, So 0:12:48.600 --> 0:12:50.600 that's a little weird. I don't know if they're like fans, 0:12:51.040 --> 0:12:54.160 but I try not to bring that into my real life. 0:12:54.160 --> 0:12:55.560 Like even the friends that I made on the show, 0:12:55.600 --> 0:12:58.040 we don't really talk about the show a lot. I 0:12:58.160 --> 0:13:01.200 just I don't know, that's like such a small part 0:13:01.200 --> 0:13:04.920 of me. So, yeah, this is one guy that I 0:13:04.960 --> 0:13:07.240 was seeing, like you barely even know me? He goes, 0:13:07.280 --> 0:13:09.960 I rewatched all of Bachelor in Paradise to get to 0:13:09.960 --> 0:13:13.000 know you. I go, I'm done here. He said that 0:13:13.080 --> 0:13:17.520 he thought that was a good line. I'm like, yeah, 0:13:17.640 --> 0:13:20.520 and that does not represent me whatsoever. That's like literally 0:13:20.520 --> 0:13:24.240 ten percent of who I am, and it's just creepy. 0:13:24.480 --> 0:13:26.760 Could you imagine if you went on the first date 0:13:26.800 --> 0:13:29.920 and you're like, hey, I went through your entire Instagram 0:13:30.000 --> 0:13:32.120 so I could really get to know you before our 0:13:32.160 --> 0:13:35.040 first date. It'd be like, what the hell, get get 0:13:35.080 --> 0:13:39.000 out of here. That's what it's equivalent to him being like, oh, yeah, 0:13:39.080 --> 0:13:41.840 I watched every season and I took notes. That sounds 0:13:41.880 --> 0:13:44.640 like the guy who was who the hell was it 0:13:45.160 --> 0:13:49.079 on Michelle's season who liked all the research. I have 0:13:49.160 --> 0:13:51.120 like eight pages of notes and was like, Oh, I'm 0:13:51.160 --> 0:13:54.920 ready to go. That was this guy on your date. Yeah, 0:13:55.040 --> 0:13:58.880 hopefully he doesn't listen to this podcast. Oh I'm sure 0:13:58.920 --> 0:14:12.280 he doesn't. So have you gone on dates in New York, 0:14:12.400 --> 0:14:16.760 LA and Tampa Um? Mainly in L A. M. I've 0:14:16.760 --> 0:14:18.240 been out there for the last two months, so I've 0:14:18.280 --> 0:14:21.200 been like, that's when I just started dating again. But yeah, 0:14:21.200 --> 0:14:23.880 I don't really date in New York, I don't. I'm 0:14:23.880 --> 0:14:25.960 not in Tampa enough for me to date, got it? 0:14:26.160 --> 0:14:28.280 And then in New York, I'm just always working, so 0:14:28.320 --> 0:14:30.520 I don't have time. I was curious if you notice 0:14:30.560 --> 0:14:33.560 if there was like a difference between um, like the 0:14:33.680 --> 0:14:39.720 dating pool between cities. I would say so just because 0:14:39.760 --> 0:14:41.680 like I live in a small town in New York 0:14:42.040 --> 0:14:44.760 and everyone knows who I am. So it's a very 0:14:44.800 --> 0:14:48.360 a little uncomfortable, um, But with l A, it's so big. 0:14:48.400 --> 0:14:50.440 It's like they there's a fifty fifty chance they don't 0:14:50.440 --> 0:14:54.640 know who you are, which is preferred. Because so I 0:14:54.680 --> 0:14:57.360 lived in l A for three and a half years, 0:14:57.400 --> 0:14:59.160 most of them I was dating. Actually, I probably lived 0:14:59.160 --> 0:15:02.080 in l A for like three months before actually and 0:15:02.080 --> 0:15:04.800 I started dating. But so I went on a few 0:15:04.880 --> 0:15:09.000 dates in l A. And it's definitely much different than 0:15:09.120 --> 0:15:11.880 dating in Rhode Island. But that's, you know, a pretty 0:15:11.960 --> 0:15:15.200 drastic change dating in Rhode Island compared to Los Angeles. 0:15:15.560 --> 0:15:19.480 I noticed in l A. It's it's very much um. 0:15:19.520 --> 0:15:21.280 And I guess it's my own doing, because when I 0:15:21.320 --> 0:15:23.520 moved to l A, went on riya but a lot 0:15:23.600 --> 0:15:29.040 of it was like, um, it wasn't as personal I 0:15:29.160 --> 0:15:31.280 noticed the dates a lot of it. By the way 0:15:31.280 --> 0:15:35.880 I always um kind of made the analogy was like sure, 0:15:35.960 --> 0:15:38.160 you'd be talking to someone, but that person would always 0:15:38.160 --> 0:15:40.360 be kind of like looking over your shoulder a little 0:15:40.360 --> 0:15:41.960 bit to see if there was like something better on 0:15:42.000 --> 0:15:45.400 the horizon. Yeah. I do feel that as well. There's 0:15:45.400 --> 0:15:48.400 always like something going on or like you know, status 0:15:48.440 --> 0:15:52.560 and everything that everyone focuses on in l A. Um, 0:15:52.760 --> 0:15:55.680 I don't know, who knows. Maybe I'll go back on 0:15:55.720 --> 0:15:59.200 my no talking to men for three years. Yeah, I know, 0:15:59.280 --> 0:16:02.880 so three years. Like so before you went on the show, 0:16:02.960 --> 0:16:07.600 were you on that hiatus? Uh? No, she was, Yeah, 0:16:07.640 --> 0:16:10.240 I was seeing a couple of people. No, I mean 0:16:10.280 --> 0:16:13.040 I took a break for like a year, um, before 0:16:13.080 --> 0:16:16.200 I even heard about me possibly being cast for the show. 0:16:16.640 --> 0:16:19.600 But yeah, it was like a little I would say, 0:16:19.680 --> 0:16:22.360 quote unquote boy crazy for like a year and a 0:16:22.440 --> 0:16:23.800 half and I took a year off and then I 0:16:23.840 --> 0:16:27.160 went back on The Bachelor, which honestly I didn't date 0:16:27.200 --> 0:16:31.960 after that really. So I'll have like my pops of 0:16:32.000 --> 0:16:33.840 like I really want to see Peo bowl. So I 0:16:34.000 --> 0:16:36.840 like book, Like I say book like it's an appointment, 0:16:36.880 --> 0:16:38.840 but like see you guys like a month and then 0:16:39.280 --> 0:16:42.440 drop off again. I don't know. I don't know what 0:16:42.560 --> 0:16:45.840 I want, Jared. I just like I think about a relationship, 0:16:45.840 --> 0:16:47.880 but then I'm like, I love being in this independent 0:16:47.920 --> 0:16:50.280 person that gets to do whatever she wants, and I'm 0:16:50.320 --> 0:16:53.040 waiting for someone to change my mind. I guess it's tough. 0:16:53.120 --> 0:16:57.560 I think it's one like, yeah, someone probably will change 0:16:57.560 --> 0:17:02.640 your mind. But it's also there is this um stigma 0:17:02.640 --> 0:17:04.879 in society that it's like, you have to get married, 0:17:04.920 --> 0:17:06.880 you have to have kids, and that's just not for everybody. 0:17:06.920 --> 0:17:08.439 Like I wanted to get married at one point in 0:17:08.440 --> 0:17:10.240 my life. I wanted to have kids at one point 0:17:10.240 --> 0:17:13.520 in my life. So those were just like individual goals 0:17:13.560 --> 0:17:17.720 of mine. But you know, growing up, I definitely went 0:17:17.760 --> 0:17:20.840 back and forth. And I can totally understand why people 0:17:20.880 --> 0:17:22.679 just wouldn't want to be in a relationship. There's a 0:17:22.680 --> 0:17:24.840 lot of compromise that needs to be had in relationship, 0:17:24.880 --> 0:17:27.480 and then having kids, there's a lot of sacrifices that 0:17:27.520 --> 0:17:29.240 you need to make in order to have kids. It's 0:17:29.240 --> 0:17:34.560 not like all wonderfulness and and and and rose colored glasses, 0:17:35.200 --> 0:17:37.920 um and I feel like people are afraid to talk 0:17:37.920 --> 0:17:41.600 about that. A lot of you know, uh, mommy bloggers 0:17:41.800 --> 0:17:45.240 or parents, Um, you know, a lot of the majority 0:17:45.280 --> 0:17:47.399 of them. There are some outliers, but a majority of 0:17:47.440 --> 0:17:50.760 them feel like they have to say like only great things, 0:17:50.800 --> 0:17:52.800 like the best thing in their life is their kids, 0:17:52.840 --> 0:17:56.960 and and everything is perfect and wonderful and and um, 0:17:57.520 --> 0:17:59.320 it's just not like that and that I feel like 0:17:59.359 --> 0:18:02.080 that's okay to say you're you're human being. You know, 0:18:02.200 --> 0:18:04.600 some people it's like, yes, sometimes marriage is really tough. 0:18:04.680 --> 0:18:06.919 Sometimes being a parent is really difficult only three months in, 0:18:07.000 --> 0:18:08.680 but like you lose a lot of sleep, you lose 0:18:08.680 --> 0:18:12.960 a lot of your your individuality. Um, and like for me, 0:18:13.040 --> 0:18:16.320 that's worth it because especially like now he's starting to smile, 0:18:17.080 --> 0:18:21.000 he's starting to look at me. You know, that'shi, it's 0:18:21.000 --> 0:18:22.520 the coolest I'm not gonna lie, like that is the 0:18:22.560 --> 0:18:25.600 coolest thing ever. Because when he was first born, it 0:18:25.720 --> 0:18:27.760 was crazy. It's just like your this kid is thrown 0:18:27.760 --> 0:18:30.480 into your life and and he's yours and he's your 0:18:30.520 --> 0:18:32.440 blood and you're like, okay, like I have to take 0:18:32.480 --> 0:18:35.080 care of you for the rest of my life. And 0:18:35.119 --> 0:18:39.439 it was terrifying the first day because it's like, you know, 0:18:39.560 --> 0:18:42.720 I mean obviously I loved him, but it's the first 0:18:42.760 --> 0:18:44.880 day I met him. But now it's you know, now 0:18:44.920 --> 0:18:47.320 it's easy. It's just instinctual, like because it's just like 0:18:47.840 --> 0:18:51.400 I would do anything for that kid now. Um but anyho. 0:18:51.480 --> 0:18:55.280 My point being on this rant is that, dammy, it's 0:18:55.280 --> 0:18:57.480 okay to not know what you want. Nobody knows what 0:18:57.560 --> 0:19:00.680 they want. The people that tell you they know exactly 0:19:00.720 --> 0:19:04.840 what they want are crazy. Okay. That makes me feel 0:19:04.880 --> 0:19:06.720 better because like, I know, one day I want to 0:19:06.760 --> 0:19:08.680 have kids, and one day I do want to get married. 0:19:08.800 --> 0:19:11.159 But it's like when I have no idea and like 0:19:11.760 --> 0:19:14.239 I'm in this battle, like I'm still young, but then 0:19:14.280 --> 0:19:16.080 I'm like, am I running out of time? No, you're 0:19:16.119 --> 0:19:20.800 not running. I'm in my late twenties, You're fine. I'm 0:19:20.800 --> 0:19:24.760 in my I'm in my mid thirties, You're fine. Late twenties. 0:19:24.840 --> 0:19:30.280 I like what, No, I'm twenty six. Oh my god, 0:19:30.600 --> 0:19:33.840 late twenties, my ass. You're in your mid twenties. Twenty six. 0:19:35.240 --> 0:19:38.960 I turned twenty seven in June, so oh please, you're 0:19:39.000 --> 0:19:41.440 you're in the prime year life right now, the late 0:19:41.520 --> 0:19:44.399 mid to late saying I shouldn't settle down yet. No, 0:19:44.520 --> 0:19:46.879 I mean unless you find like the person You're like, Okay, 0:19:46.960 --> 0:19:49.720 I love being with this person. It all just comes 0:19:49.720 --> 0:19:53.199 down to, like would I you know, what would my 0:19:53.280 --> 0:19:55.720 life be without this person? Is my life better or 0:19:55.760 --> 0:19:57.760 worse without this person? If it's worse, than you should 0:19:57.800 --> 0:19:59.960 be with him. And if it's not, then you should 0:20:00.000 --> 0:20:01.919 to be with them. How do you know? How do 0:20:01.920 --> 0:20:05.040 you get there? Man? I really suck at you. Oh well, 0:20:05.080 --> 0:20:06.800 there we go. You're on the right podcast. I mean 0:20:09.080 --> 0:20:12.480 I think that I think I think that the truth 0:20:12.680 --> 0:20:17.240 is is you're never a hundred percent sure. I think 0:20:17.440 --> 0:20:21.760 that's what I believe because I'm the idea that you 0:20:21.760 --> 0:20:25.120 should never have a doubt in your mind about anything 0:20:25.119 --> 0:20:29.080 in life. I think is crazy. Um, Because of course, 0:20:29.119 --> 0:20:31.199 when Ashley and I first got together, I wanted to 0:20:31.200 --> 0:20:33.280 be with her. I love Ashley, I still love Ashley. 0:20:33.320 --> 0:20:35.080 I'm in love with Ashley. I was in love with 0:20:35.119 --> 0:20:38.160 Ashley and and that's why I wanted to be with her. 0:20:38.480 --> 0:20:40.960 But I'd be lying if I said there wasn't a 0:20:41.040 --> 0:20:44.440 voice in my head saying like is this a mistake? 0:20:44.800 --> 0:20:46.720 Like now this is it? Like we're going to be 0:20:46.800 --> 0:20:49.280