Speaker 1: Welcome to the iHeartRadio and Coast to Coast AM paranormal
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Speaker 2: And sometimes unexplained. Now listen to this.
Speaker 3: Welcome to our podcast. Please be aware the thoughts and
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Speaker 3: and associates. We would like to encourage you to do
Speaker 3: your own research and discover the subject matter for yourself. Hi.
Speaker 3: I'm Sandra Champlain. For over twenty five years, I've been
Speaker 3: on a journey to prove the existence of life after death.
Speaker 3: On each episode, we'll discuss the reasons we now know
Speaker 3: that our loved ones have survived physical debt, and so
Speaker 3: will we. Welcome to Shades of the Afterlife. A recent
Speaker 3: study says that couples are eight times more likely to
Speaker 3: get a divorce when a child dies. I don't like
Speaker 3: hearing that, and today I want to introduce you to
Speaker 3: a dad that I think might help change this statistic.
Speaker 3: Chris Ryan has worked professionally in marketing, communications, with radio,
Speaker 3: and advertising for over thirty five years, and currently he
Speaker 3: owns his own video production company. But he's also compiled
Speaker 3: a book of twenty five stories called Helping Fathers Heal, Grief,
Speaker 3: Hope and Search for Our Connection, Yes, a Connection with
Speaker 3: children in the Afterlife. Chris is part of a group
Speaker 3: called Helpingparentsheel dot Org. Let's meet Chris Ryan.
Speaker 2: I grew up in San Diego. That's where I am
Speaker 2: right now. We lived here for the first twenty one
Speaker 2: years of my life until I started in my radio career.
Speaker 2: I wanted to be a DJ. I love music. My
Speaker 2: son and I, Sean, we both shared this passion. Long
Speaker 2: before he was born. I was on the air playing
Speaker 2: kind of music that he would later come to love,
Speaker 2: so we had that in common. Later in his life,
Speaker 2: you know, radio led me into different avenues marketing agencies, communications,
Speaker 2: and ultimately videography, which I've shot many, well hundreds of
Speaker 2: videos here and around the world in different countries, mainly
Speaker 2: for corporate types of business, instructional videos and those types
Speaker 2: of things. But I love storytelling and I love doing
Speaker 2: videos that have a story, and I have a passion
Speaker 2: for helping people tell their stories, So that part of
Speaker 2: my professional career kind of dovetailed into the spark that
Speaker 2: led to the book, which is giving a platform for
Speaker 2: other fathers to tell their story, which for more most
Speaker 2: of them, was the first time they'd really ever tried
Speaker 2: to put that in writing. So that was a whole
Speaker 2: process in and of itself. But Sean was born in
Speaker 2: nineteen ninety seven, so he would be turning twenty six
Speaker 2: this year. In his teenage years, he struggled a lot
Speaker 2: with self image, anxiety, depression, you know, as one of
Speaker 2: those gen Z kids that he didn't isolate necessarily, but
Speaker 2: he was an only child, so he did have a
Speaker 2: lot of alone time. So like I was on the
Speaker 2: radio for twenty years, he never once turned on the radio.
Speaker 2: All of his music came from YouTube and Napster and
Speaker 2: file sharing and different types of online resources. It's a
Speaker 2: great kid, though. We had a good relationship, very funny,
Speaker 2: very very headstrong. I can't wait to learn more about
Speaker 2: his soul plan one of these days when I get
Speaker 2: a chance to be in heaven with him and we
Speaker 2: get a chance to do a life review, because yeah,
Speaker 2: he's a perfect child for us. But it was a challenge.
Speaker 2: Everything has been a challenge. He was independent, sometimes defiant,
Speaker 2: and when he turned into his teenage years, he kind
Speaker 2: of went dark, as some kids do, closed the bedroom door,
Speaker 2: don't want to talk to mom and dad, they don't
Speaker 2: know anything, not as coachable. We tried to give him
Speaker 2: the space to mature and learn on his own and
Speaker 2: develop his friendships. But some of the kids he tended
Speaker 2: to kind of lean toward were the other kids like
Speaker 2: him that were maybe a little They felt like outsiders
Speaker 2: a little bit. I think he reveled in that he
Speaker 2: was not the kid that wanted to be the center
Speaker 2: of the main social group. He was kind of one
Speaker 2: of the kids on the outside looking in and making
Speaker 2: fun or cracking jokes at some of the other kids.
Speaker 2: So he had a good sense of humor. I don't
Speaker 2: think he was necessarily a lonely child. He had a
Speaker 2: lot of friends, but he did have lot of alone time.
Speaker 2: He did hang with some kids that influenced him a bit,
Speaker 2: and when he was probably twelve or thirteen, he tried
Speaker 2: marijuana then started drinking a little bit, things that probably
Speaker 2: we all did when we were kids. So, you know,
Speaker 2: we didn't try to tell him that that's wrong. I mean,
Speaker 2: we really wanted to have him learn the consequences of
Speaker 2: life and guide him as much as we could. But
Speaker 2: at the same time, they talk about walls. You know,
Speaker 2: you have brick walls for kids, which are hard barriers,
Speaker 2: hard rules, and then you have softer barriers where you
Speaker 2: kind of let them learn and do what they do.
Speaker 2: We just kept expecting him to grow out of certain
Speaker 2: things like most of us have, but he kept getting
Speaker 2: darker and deeper into experimenting with different things. Ultimately it
Speaker 2: led to rehab and well in intervention first of all,
Speaker 2: and then rehab and sober living. So he did develop
Speaker 2: a taste for alcohol. At one point, when he was seventeen,
Speaker 2: we took the extreme measure because we had now started
Speaker 2: to erect brick walls. We were really wanting to try
Speaker 2: to stop the slide of his grades, his attitude, his
Speaker 2: lack of respect around the house. That was just not working.
Speaker 2: So we made the difficult decision to send him to
Speaker 2: Utah for a summer. It wasn't a boot camp like
Speaker 2: you've seen maybe some of the movies where they deprive kids,
Speaker 2: they abuse kids, they scream in their face, they scare
Speaker 2: the life out of them this was a therapeutic camp,
Speaker 2: and we did a lot of research on that. Were
Speaker 2: I to do it over again, I don't know, because
Speaker 2: it didn't have the effect on him that it has
Speaker 2: on a lot of other kids, which is to kind
Speaker 2: of scare them straight. For Sean, it made him really
Speaker 2: mad because he missed out on the summer before his
Speaker 2: senior year. And you can imagine how important summer is
Speaker 2: for kids when they're in high school and you want
Speaker 2: to get out of high school and you want to
Speaker 2: have summer with all your friends. And he had a
Speaker 2: bunch of concerts lined up he wanted to go to.
Speaker 2: So he came back pretty mad at Mom and dad.
Speaker 2: He was going to show us even though we drug
Speaker 2: tested him. He decided alcohol would be the easiest way
Speaker 2: to skip out on drug testing, so that accelerated. Ultimately,
Speaker 2: what did him in was fetanol. He thought he was
Speaker 2: buying something else. He was trying to self medicate, and
Speaker 2: he bought what he thought was ketamine online because he'd
Speaker 2: done a lot of research and heard that that was
Speaker 2: effective in treating depression. So he didn't know what he
Speaker 2: was getting, but he did know that he was getting
Speaker 2: into kind of treacherous territory with how much he was using,
Speaker 2: how much it was changing his life, how it was
Speaker 2: affecting his work life, and whatnot. At this point, he
Speaker 2: wasn't living at home. We couldn't handle the disruption. He
Speaker 2: had moved out and was living with some other roommates.
Speaker 2: He chose his roommates, and he was twenty one when
Speaker 2: he moved out. He made that decision. He was an adult. Yeah, fentanyl.
Speaker 2: He passed on September. You know, it's funny because they
Speaker 2: called us on the fourth of September. We think his
Speaker 2: spirit passed at that point, but he spent three days
Speaker 2: in the ICU, and on the seventh we had to
Speaker 2: make the horrific decision to discontinue life support because he
Speaker 2: just didn't have any brain activities. So we are between
Speaker 2: the fourth and the seventh. One of those days his
Speaker 2: spirit left and the other day his body shut down.
Speaker 3: Sending much love to you and your wife much much.
Speaker 2: Yeah, thank you for that.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and you're pushing through, you really are.
Speaker 4: I know.
Speaker 3: All forms of grief hurts incredibly, and the more you love,
Speaker 3: the harder it is. Yeah, And it is my belief
Speaker 3: that the parent's grief is the all time hardest.
Speaker 2: I agree with that.
Speaker 3: With that you're pushing through and you're making a difference.
Speaker 3: What happened next? How did you find helping parents heal,
Speaker 3: helping fathers heal? And I know you've received signs from
Speaker 3: Sean's now gone on to compile a book with twenty
Speaker 3: five stories. Tell us about that journey.
Speaker 2: Well, in the beginning, I was really kind of focused
Speaker 2: on work. I had a busy schedule after we took
Speaker 2: care of the arrangements for Sean, and being a solo
Speaker 2: entrepreneurial business owner, I just didn't have the ability to
Speaker 2: call in sick or delegate anything. So I put my
Speaker 2: head down and dove into work, which was a good distraction.
Speaker 2: I don't know that it's necessarily the healthiest way to heal.
Speaker 2: It was just kind of putting off the inevitable for me.
Speaker 2: My wife Sin she's a researcher, she's really good at it,
Speaker 2: and she went online and started looking at different one
Speaker 2: groups of grieving compassion. She started ordering lots of books.
Speaker 2: So she started educating herself on signs and on the afterlife,
Speaker 2: and she started suggesting certain books to me. We had
Speaker 2: seen some signs, we had gotten a few signs from
Speaker 2: Sean that we felt like we could attribute to him,
Speaker 2: but we were also kind of questioning whether or not
Speaker 2: we were maybe making things up or Okay, you know,
Speaker 2: these things have always been there were just now noticing them.
Speaker 2: There were some that were for me like they were physical.
Speaker 2: I had an experience a couple of weeks after Sean
Speaker 2: passed where I got up in the morning too. I
Speaker 2: couldn't sleep very well the early days of grief. I
Speaker 2: just sleeping and waking is all kind of mixed up.
Speaker 2: And so it was dark, it was early, it was
Speaker 2: cool outside. I went to jump in the hot tub
Speaker 2: and just soak and watch the sun come up. But
Speaker 2: as I turned the corner to the hot it's like
Speaker 2: it's cool morning. And I walk around the corner and
Speaker 2: I felt myself walking through almost like if you pass
Speaker 2: a dryer vent, or you go to a laundromat, you
Speaker 2: pass a wall of dryer vents. It was warm, and
Speaker 2: I didn't know what that was. It was so strange
Speaker 2: that I turned around and I kind of thought about
Speaker 2: it for a minute, and I walked back and I
Speaker 2: tried to retrace my steps, but I couldn't recreate it.
Speaker 2: I just said, thank you, thank you, Sean, I attribute
Speaker 2: that to him, and it's not the only time that
Speaker 2: I've felt a physical touch. So I do believe that
Speaker 2: our children want to help. They are closer than we think.
Speaker 2: In fact, one medium that we met with several times,
Speaker 2: Farah Gibson, she says that the veil is really all
Speaker 2: around us. It's not like in the sky or some
Speaker 2: other place geographically. It's like they are right here. It's
Speaker 2: just that we can't sense that. Our senses don't pick
Speaker 2: that up. Yeah, it's been a journey to learn about
Speaker 2: the afterlife, to read books. Joe McQuillan wrote a great
Speaker 2: book about his search for his son Christopher, who passed
Speaker 2: tragically from a hypothermia. He fell off a boat in
Speaker 2: a very cold lake. He started to be able to
Speaker 2: connect with his son, and it was through more of
Speaker 2: a meditative process. But we're just normal guys. You know.
Speaker 2: We're not trained mediums, we're not psychics, we're not special
Speaker 2: in any way other than you know, our heart is
Speaker 2: just broken open and we're trying to figure out what
Speaker 2: life means and what our life, our life means. How
Speaker 2: do we fit into this puzzle of a shattered kind
Speaker 2: of vision of what life would become.
Speaker 3: Let's take a quick break and we'll be right back
Speaker 3: with Dad Chris Ryan. You're listening to Shades of the
Speaker 3: Afterlife iHeartRadio and Coast to Coast AM Paranormal Podcast Network.
Speaker 5: Stay there, Sandra will be right back.
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Speaker 3: You're listening to the iHeartRadio and Coast to Coast AM
Speaker 3: Paranormal podcast Network. Heard on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,
Speaker 3: or wherever you find your favorite shows. Welcome back to
Speaker 3: Shades of the Afterlife. I'm Sandra Champlain. Let's continue our
Speaker 3: conversation with Dad Chris Ryan, who compiled a book of
Speaker 3: twenty five stories of fathers looking to connect with their
Speaker 3: children in the afterlife.
Speaker 2: We're just normal guys. You know, we're not trained mediums,
Speaker 2: we're not psychics, we're not special in any way other
Speaker 2: than you know, our heart is just broken open, and
Speaker 2: we're trying to figure out what life means and what
Speaker 2: our life, our life means, how do we fit into
Speaker 2: this puzzle of a shattered kind of vision of what
Speaker 2: life would become. Because when a child dies, you have
Speaker 2: all these dreams of what your life will be. You
Speaker 2: know you will have grandchildren, and your child will help
Speaker 2: you in your old age, and you save up your
Speaker 2: money because you want to pass your retirement onto your
Speaker 2: kid or kids, whatever the case may be. So we
Speaker 2: grieve so many things that are gone, and being an
Speaker 2: only now it almost felt like we weren't able to
Speaker 2: be parents again, not in an active way. So our
Speaker 2: identity kind of shifted, and so educating ourselves was probably
Speaker 2: the best first step, reading books and knowing that we're
Speaker 2: not alone. And here's what other people went through. And
Speaker 2: in the research, my wife found Helping Parents hel It
Speaker 2: was an online organization both with a website but then
Speaker 2: also with a Facebook group, and they at that time,
Speaker 2: this was almost three years ago, they had maybe twenty
Speaker 2: eight two thousand followers, and now it's up over that,
Speaker 2: I think it's twenty six thousand or something. So a
Speaker 2: lot of moms mainly, but there were a lot of
Speaker 2: dads too. She went to a few of the meetings.
Speaker 2: There are affiliate groups geographically located, so there's one here
Speaker 2: in the southern California area. But at the time that
Speaker 2: she learned about Helping Parents hel that was just about
Speaker 2: the time that they were going to do their twenty
Speaker 2: twenty conference, and it's just an eight hour drive from
Speaker 2: US to Phoenix. So she asked me if i'd go,
Speaker 2: and I said, sure, I'll go. We could do it.
Speaker 2: We made the time for it, and I thought I'd
Speaker 2: be supporting her, and I was willing to learn as well.
Speaker 2: I'm not closed minded at all. It's just that going
Speaker 2: to a conference of hundreds of people that all had
Speaker 2: had their same tragedy, it wasn't probably the first thing
Speaker 2: that I would have picked to do, and I thought, boy,
Speaker 2: that's going to be a downer. Well, boy, I was wrong.
Speaker 2: I was really an uplifting experience and it was great
Speaker 2: to meet so many other parents who are healing and
Speaker 2: connecting with each other and with their kids, which is
Speaker 2: a part of the healing process for many of us.
Speaker 2: It was really a very interesting experience. And at that
Speaker 2: conference we had a reading. It was one of these
Speaker 2: gallery readings where a medium is on stage and it's
Speaker 2: in the main assembly. So there's eight hundred parents, so
Speaker 2: you've got to figure there's eight hundred or more kids,
Speaker 2: you know, that are all wanting to talk to their parents.
Speaker 2: And again, Farah Gibson is the medium that kind of
Speaker 2: just totally revolutionized our worldview on where Sean is because
Speaker 2: she connected with Sean. It was so thrilling and maybe
Speaker 2: a little I don't know if embarrassing is the right word,
Speaker 2: but when you're in a group of people that big
Speaker 2: and then your kids starts talking to you, and you
Speaker 2: stand up and you realize that this is just absolutely
Speaker 2: incontrovertible evidence, and the video is available online. I created
Speaker 2: a YouTube video that is side by side of her
Speaker 2: reading and then of the evidence. Because I have a
Speaker 2: video background, I could put it together and actually show
Speaker 2: the evidence, which was kind of fun. That really changed
Speaker 2: things for us. That whole conference was a game changer.
Speaker 2: And since then, I've learned about the Father's Group Helping
Speaker 2: Father's Heal as one of the affiliate groups, and that's
Speaker 2: where I came to know some of the other men
Speaker 2: that helped write this book.
Speaker 3: Could you tell us a little bit about that evidence.
Speaker 5: Sure.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Farah is very unique in that she was able
Speaker 2: in the room to kind of endpoint where the parents
Speaker 2: were sitting. That was kind of an unusual thing compared
Speaker 2: to other mediums we've seen there at the conference. She
Speaker 2: was able to kind of know the child was helping
Speaker 2: to guide her to a side of the room, so
Speaker 2: she kind of walked over to our side of the room,
Speaker 2: and then she started talking about pulling up funny socks,
Speaker 2: crazy socks, really stupid colors, and that was something that
Speaker 2: our son loved to wear, you know, chili pepper socks
Speaker 2: or flamencos or pelicans. In fact, he and I both
Speaker 2: had the same pair of socks. My wife had gotten
Speaker 2: us each repair, so that was kind of one of
Speaker 2: our things was pelicans, which we got pelican tattoos at
Speaker 2: one point, Sean and I did. So she'd started talking
Speaker 2: about these socks, and nobody else really understood it, but
Speaker 2: we were kind of ribbing each other, like yeash Sean
Speaker 2: loved those, and so we put our hand up and
Speaker 2: she came over and she said a little bit more
Speaker 2: about the socks and how I would wear them as well,
Speaker 2: and so that became a piece of evidence and so
Speaker 2: she knew she'd locked on to us, and so we
Speaker 2: stood up and she talked about his love of music.
Speaker 2: She said, he's carving his name in something. Is somebody
Speaker 2: carving would And we didn't know right off the bat,
Speaker 2: and we were like unsure about that, and she said
Speaker 2: the guitar. Did he do something with the guitar? And
Speaker 2: then it clicked, because yes, his acoustic guitar he wrote
Speaker 2: all over the back. He carved in it. He wrote
Speaker 2: little messages. He even wrote I'm so sorry mom and dad.
Speaker 2: And there's another message in the back of the guitar
Speaker 2: that says this is my finale. Which we didn't see
Speaker 2: any of this until after we'd recovered his belongings. So
Speaker 2: she got the guitar part. Then she said, but Dad,
Speaker 2: you're trying to play, and that was true. And then
Speaker 2: she said, but you can't get the bar chords, and
Speaker 2: she said it in a teasing way, just like Sean
Speaker 2: would say it, and that is exactly true. I I'm
Speaker 2: not good at that. And then she brought up a
Speaker 2: piece of evidence about a deck that we were building
Speaker 2: in the backyard. And this was the most mind blowing
Speaker 2: because it was just two or three weeks earlier that
Speaker 2: I had finished building a deck and I finished a
Speaker 2: piece of wood with resin, and I didn't mix enough resins,
Speaker 2: so I had to do another batch, which you never
Speaker 2: want to do. Resin needs to cure all at the
Speaker 2: same time. So Sean brought through this evidence about the
Speaker 2: deck and then he said through Farah, but you didn't
Speaker 2: do it right. You screwed it up. It doesn't even match.
Speaker 2: Those were the words that he used. She used, and
Speaker 2: so in the video that I created, you can see
Speaker 2: the division of where the first pore of resin was
Speaker 2: and the second pore. And by that time, my wife
Speaker 2: and I we were just tingling, you know, we were
Speaker 2: so blown away, and the people in the audience were
Speaker 2: clapping because it was such a crazy, detailed kind of reading,
Speaker 2: full of personality. So those were some of the biggest
Speaker 2: things that come to mind immediately. I think we counted
Speaker 2: there as maybe twenty pieces of evidence that she gave
Speaker 2: us all in a seven minute period. But it was
Speaker 2: life changing for us. At that point. We knew that
Speaker 2: Sean was watching what we were doing, and that he's
Speaker 2: still there and we are still having a relationship to
Speaker 2: some extent, that we love each other and care for
Speaker 2: each other, but we just can't touch each other the
Speaker 2: same way that we used to be able to.
Speaker 3: It's still very much alive. Yeah, would you tell us
Speaker 3: again where we can see the video.
Speaker 2: You go to Helping Parents Heal and go to the
Speaker 2: affiliate group's page a little drop down for Helping Fathers
Speaker 2: Heal and so if you go to that, you'll see
Speaker 2: information about the book, and then a little further down
Speaker 2: you'll see bios of the different affiliate leaders. I'm one
Speaker 2: of the affiliate leaders and at the very end of
Speaker 2: my bio there is a link to Farah Gibson's reading.
Speaker 3: Thank you for that. You're an affiliate do you host
Speaker 3: live events or online things or both?
Speaker 2: So we meet weekly on Zoom, which is a little
Speaker 2: bit different than the other affiliate groups. I think they
Speaker 2: have monthly meetings and they're in person and because they're
Speaker 2: geographically located, whereas the Father's Group is guys from all
Speaker 2: over Canada, the United States. We have one dad in Brazil.
Speaker 2: We've had people join us from the UK, although it's
Speaker 2: a hardship to the time difference, but it's not geographic.
Speaker 2: So it is a weekly meeting, which is really good
Speaker 2: because it helps us to really kind of get to
Speaker 2: know each other on a week to week basis. In
Speaker 2: this grieving space, things change so quickly week to week
Speaker 2: that every week there's going to be a dad that
Speaker 2: either's celebrating something like a sign or a dream, or
Speaker 2: a dad that's having a hard week because of an
Speaker 2: anniversary or something that may have triggered a certain emotional response.
Speaker 2: You know, isn't a linear thing. You go up, you
Speaker 2: go down, you think you're better, then you go back,
Speaker 2: you regress, you progress. So weekly meetings are really good,
Speaker 2: and even though it's on Zoom, i'd say that we
Speaker 2: are a very tight knit group. There's over six hundred
Speaker 2: dads that have joined Helping Fathers Heal as a Facebook group,
Speaker 2: but the Zoom call each week is thirty to forty dads.
Speaker 2: We're usually a core group of dads, but we always,
Speaker 2: unfortunately we have new dads coming on because we still
Speaker 2: have kids that are passing and the dads need to
Speaker 2: go somewhere. So hopefully we're becoming more visible as an
Speaker 2: alternative or as a resource for fathers.
Speaker 3: What day in time do you host that?
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's Wednesday nights Wednesdays five pm Pacific time, So
Speaker 2: eight pm Eastern time, And if you join the Helping
Speaker 2: Fathers Heel affiliate group, there's a Facebook page and there's
Speaker 2: a couple of questions just to kind of verify that
Speaker 2: you have a child in spirit. We don't want to solicitation.
Speaker 2: We just wanted to keep it to be dad's you know,
Speaker 2: real guys that are in the same boat.
Speaker 3: Well, thank you for doing that. And I know we've
Speaker 3: got lots of dads listening to this right now and
Speaker 3: may feel at home with being part of it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it definitely helps.
Speaker 3: So Helping Father's heal to all of a sudden having
Speaker 3: this beautiful book with twenty five chapters, well how it
Speaker 3: brought that about? To tell us about that journey.
Speaker 2: I'm not an author, so I never really even thought
Speaker 2: about doing a book. I did have a medium reading
Speaker 2: after Farah. The first medium reading we had that was
Speaker 2: a one on one was with medium Kareem. She's here
Speaker 2: in San Diego but it was still online, and she
Speaker 2: said in the reading that Sean was telling her that
Speaker 2: there's a book in me, and I didn't know what
Speaker 2: that meant. I'd never thought of that. It didn't appeal
Speaker 2: to me, to be honest, I don't journal much. I
Speaker 2: don't write a lot. I am a storyteller, and I
Speaker 2: do enjoy the video part of storytelling. But to sit
Speaker 2: and put the story down on paper, I'd never occurred
Speaker 2: to me. I brought it up to some of the
Speaker 2: dads in one of our affiliate group meetings, our Zoom call,
Speaker 2: and I just asked, you know, does this appeal to anybody?
Speaker 2: Does anybody think this is an idea that you'd want
Speaker 2: to write a chapter? Would we have enough guys that
Speaker 2: might want to write one chapter, you know, just four
Speaker 2: or five six pages and tell us the story about
Speaker 2: your child and what kind of a child was this,
Speaker 2: and what was your relationship like? And so about eight
Speaker 2: hands went up the first night that I brought it up,
Speaker 2: and so I thought, well, I don't know how we'll
Speaker 2: do this. I got to figure this out.
Speaker 3: We'll hear more from Chris after the break how he
Speaker 3: engaged twenty five other dads to tell their stories. It's
Speaker 3: so important to hear from the dads. Usually an afterlife
Speaker 3: communication predominantly hear from the ladies. I'm not a dad,
Speaker 3: I'm not a man, but I do believe men need
Speaker 3: to hear from other men. So let's go to the
Speaker 3: break and we'll be right back with more of Chris Ryan.
Speaker 3: You're listening to Shades of the Afterlife on the iHeartRadio
Speaker 3: and Coast to Coast AM Paranormal Podcast Network.
Speaker 5: Don't go anywhere.
Speaker 1: There's more Shades of the Afterlife coming right up.
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Speaker 1: Hey, this is George Nori and you're listening to the
Speaker 1: iHeartRadio and Coast to Ghost AM Paranoral Podcast Network.
Speaker 4: Thanks for being here.
Speaker 1: Now let's get back to more with Sandra.
Speaker 3: Welcome back to Shades of the Afterlife. I'm Sandra Champlain. Next,
Speaker 3: I ask Chris Ryan how he got the stories of
Speaker 3: the twenty four other men about their journey and their
Speaker 3: connection with their kids in the afterlife. For the book
Speaker 3: Helping Fathers, heal.
Speaker 2: I wrote a series of questions, ten questions, thinking, okay,
Speaker 2: this would help me. You know, it's more like a worksheet,
Speaker 2: So I like homework to be able to answer questions
Speaker 2: about tell us about your child and then taking us
Speaker 2: through the whole narrative arc of a story about the
Speaker 2: transition of your child and then what were the first days,
Speaker 2: like what did you experience and where did you find
Speaker 2: some help? What surprised you about grief? What kinds of
Speaker 2: signs have you had? Have you had any Is there
Speaker 2: anything that you would have as advice to another dad
Speaker 2: who may be reading this. Every dad was given ten
Speaker 2: questions that they could simply answer in a paragraph or
Speaker 2: two and then they've got a story if you got
Speaker 2: a chapter. Tom Madson helped me edit the book. Some
Speaker 2: of the dads. We did a lot of phone interviews
Speaker 2: to try to really pull out the story and help
Speaker 2: them write it. So the editing process was quite extensive,
Speaker 2: but the fact that we were able to spread the
Speaker 2: writing out to twenty five other guys because ultimately after
Speaker 2: asking this question. Over a two month period, I had
Speaker 2: twenty five volunteers, and then the editing process took about
Speaker 2: seven or eight months, and then we were able to
Speaker 2: get the book out in April. So it surprised me
Speaker 2: that we had so many guys willing to do it,
Speaker 2: and it was so heartening for me. It was very
Speaker 2: rewarding to hear the dads say that this was cathartic
Speaker 2: for them, just the process of going back through not
Speaker 2: just the transition and the pain of that moment, but
Speaker 2: go back even further and start writing about the life
Speaker 2: that they had with that child and some of those memories.
Speaker 2: Some of the kids had physical illness, you know, had
Speaker 2: suffered with cancer for years, and so there's a variety
Speaker 2: of ways that these children had decided to transition and
Speaker 2: that was their sole plan. So hearing how those children
Speaker 2: lived and how their lives were celebrated, and the relationships
Speaker 2: with their dads, and then learning the subsequent fallout from
Speaker 2: that and how they found help. You know, that's really
Speaker 2: the purpose of the book is just to give somebody
Speaker 2: that's reading it a bit of a kind of charting
Speaker 2: a course of you know, this is how it can
Speaker 2: look and there's twenty five different stories, so they're not
Speaker 2: all the same, but many of us had the same
Speaker 2: in initial reaction of paralysis and fog and just inability
Speaker 2: to think coherently or you know, right after a child dies,
Speaker 2: you have to do all this crazy decision making of
Speaker 2: making arrangements and then communicating with family and communicating with
Speaker 2: that kid's friends' families, and it's just a really weird time.
Speaker 2: But by connecting both with our children and then also
Speaker 2: as dads in this group, we've connected with each other.
Speaker 2: That's really where we've found a sense of hope that
Speaker 2: our children are still with us and that we're going
Speaker 2: to be okay, and that they didn't die. You know,
Speaker 2: their life goes on, they're just their body isn't here.
Speaker 2: So being able to kind of discover that as a
Speaker 2: father in the midst of your grief, to be able
Speaker 2: to feel that is just so relieving, as such a
Speaker 2: wonderful feeling, a healing feeling, knowing that you're not alone,
Speaker 2: really that there is a path to healing and you
Speaker 2: don't have to feel isolated. That's probably the worst thing
Speaker 2: many people choose to do when they lose someone that
Speaker 2: they love is that they just lock the door and
Speaker 2: go to bed and they never come out. Certainly there's
Speaker 2: a time and a place for that, but you have
Speaker 2: to reach out. That's what we're here to do, is
Speaker 2: to love each other and to learn how to love.
Speaker 2: And our children are still out there available to help
Speaker 2: us learn that lesson. That's my son Sean on the cover.
Speaker 3: Oh beautiful helping fathers Heal.
Speaker 2: It's not like a portrait for those of you that
Speaker 2: don't see the book, it's it's kind of a shadow silhouette,
Speaker 2: so you know, you don't have any real gender identification,
Speaker 2: ethnic identification. It's just this child in a warrior pose,
Speaker 2: you know, kind of that youthful energy. Yeah, we just
Speaker 2: wanted to have everything be about the hope that can
Speaker 2: come with having that relationship continue.
Speaker 3: Is it a book for anyone or just.
Speaker 2: Dad's Yes, it's a book for anyone dad's moms, you know,
Speaker 2: because it could be a spouse might not understand how
Speaker 2: the father's grieving, siblings or relatives, you know, anybody that
Speaker 2: wants to learn about the grieving process and what's going
Speaker 2: on in the mind of that other person that they
Speaker 2: might not understand, and they might want to develop a
Speaker 2: certain kind of empathy toward Wow, what are they going through?
Speaker 2: What should I say to a person who's grieving? I
Speaker 2: don't have the right words. What if I say something
Speaker 2: and they start crying? You know, people are very uncomfortable
Speaker 2: with us grievers, but if they can find a safe spot,
Speaker 2: I think this book is a very healthy way for
Speaker 2: people to understand what grieving looks like, what we're going through,
Speaker 2: and what we need. And what we need is for
Speaker 2: people to stay with us, to hang with us, to
Speaker 2: have the courage to just ask us how we're doing,
Speaker 2: and just sit there and listen and not try to
Speaker 2: fix anything. And as dads, that's what naturally, you know,
Speaker 2: we try to fix stuff. We try to protect our
Speaker 2: loved ones. We may feel a certain special sense of
Speaker 2: guilt because our child didn't have the full life that
Speaker 2: everybody would expect. And so I do think that fathers
Speaker 2: have an extra element of complexity with their grief because
Speaker 2: of that societal expectation of the man being strong, not
Speaker 2: showing much emotion, being able to carry on. You know,
Speaker 2: your boss wants you to get back to work. It's
Speaker 2: been four weeks. Are you over it yet? You know
Speaker 2: you're having a bad day. Oh, I don't want to
Speaker 2: talk to him. I'm going to leave him alone. No,
Speaker 2: we'd love to be able to be human. And if
Speaker 2: we look like we're having a bad day, just ask us.
Speaker 2: You know, hey, can I do anything for you? Can
Speaker 2: I buy you a cup of coffee? You want to
Speaker 2: take a walk?
Speaker 5: You know?
Speaker 2: Just be with us. That's the message that.
Speaker 3: Can be the simplest thing to say too. I don't
Speaker 3: know what you're feeling or what you're going through, but
Speaker 3: I just want you to know I'm here for you. Yeah,
Speaker 3: excuse me. I'm here to listen. I'm here to be
Speaker 3: your friend. That's right, Chris. Would you share some of
Speaker 3: the stories that are in the book. I don't want
Speaker 3: to say favorite, because I know they're all good, but
Speaker 3: any stories that come to mind of signs or different reasons.
Speaker 3: Your fellow fathers believe their kids are with them.
Speaker 2: I feel like they're all my children at this point.
Speaker 2: I've read them so many times in the editing process.
Speaker 2: I feel so intimate with all of these kids. And
Speaker 2: I will share one thing. I had a reading with
Speaker 2: a medium. Her name is Isabella Johnson, and this was
Speaker 2: when the book was in the final editing stages, and
Speaker 2: she said something about the kids are excited to tell
Speaker 2: their story, and I thought, wow, this is cool, this
Speaker 2: is great. So she didn't know anything about the book.
Speaker 2: She knew I was from Helping Fathers Heal, because that's
Speaker 2: kind of how we found hers through the Helping Parents
Speaker 2: Heal list of approved mediums. And then she said, there's
Speaker 2: more boys the girls. And she even said it looks
Speaker 2: like there's only about seven girls in going back then
Speaker 2: first time. Late in the process, I go back, I
Speaker 2: count all the chapters, sure enough, with seven girls that
Speaker 2: were featured in the stories, and the rest were boys.
Speaker 2: Some of the dads that are the quietest in the
Speaker 2: group meetings the Zoom meetings had the most heartfelt stories,
Speaker 2: and some shared my experience with fentanyl because that is
Speaker 2: such a killer of our children right now, and there's
Speaker 2: lovely stories of kids. I believe our kids continue to
Speaker 2: work with us through us, inspire us, nudge us, and
Speaker 2: there's fathers that are doing great advocacy work on drug
Speaker 2: awareness on mental health issues. The very first chapter in
Speaker 2: the book is just a beautiful chapter, tragic, heartbreaking story
Speaker 2: of a suicide. But the author, Harry Brule, has taken
Speaker 2: it upon himself to quit his other job and is
Speaker 2: now working in the mental health area helping other children,
Speaker 2: especially with a disorder that is not typically diagnosed before
Speaker 2: you're eighteen. It's borderline personality disorder BPD. It is what
Speaker 2: happens when you have kind of a bipolar or two polls.
Speaker 2: You go from anxiety, depression, isolation, nobody loves me, I'm
Speaker 2: worthless to the other extreme. And so now this father
Speaker 2: is doing advocacy work for that to help other young people.
Speaker 2: Other dads are doing assemblies where they talk to kids
Speaker 2: at schools. So many of these stories are really special
Speaker 2: to me, and the kids just are so tender and
Speaker 2: many of them very sensitive. Many of the dads describe
Speaker 2: their children as seemingly having old souls, and that makes
Speaker 2: total sense when you talk to medium or people who
Speaker 2: are tuned into that that these would have probably been
Speaker 2: perhaps advanced souls that decided they are going to make
Speaker 2: that hard choice to leave early and make room for
Speaker 2: a spiritual experience for the parents. So, without a doubt,
Speaker 2: it's made all of the dads more spiritually sensitive and
Speaker 2: more in tune with their child in a way that
Speaker 2: they may not have been in physical form.
Speaker 3: Right, and that relationship continues, which brings me to my
Speaker 3: next question. How does your relationship with your son continue?
Speaker 3: Are you talking to him? Are you asking for signs?
Speaker 3: You include him in everything? I'm guessing you do.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I've got him right here in front of me.
Speaker 2: In fact, I always carry this around. This is a
Speaker 2: little piece of glass that we had blown glass and
Speaker 2: his ashes are in it, and I just keep it
Speaker 2: in my pocket as a kind of a touchstone. But yeah,
Speaker 2: we talked to him. We thank him for I have dreams.
Speaker 2: My wife has had a couple of dreams, but not
Speaker 2: as many, but we do have dreams. I know she's
Speaker 2: doing a lot of meditation and she does get a
Speaker 2: sensory perception of Sean being close by. But I would
Speaker 2: say that we still maintain that personality and relationship even
Speaker 2: though it's not as easy as picking up the phone
Speaker 2: and calling them. That's what we miss the most, is
Speaker 2: just being able to dial up a number or see
Speaker 2: him in person. But yeah, we do still have a
Speaker 2: relationship with him, and it's brought us closer together as
Speaker 2: a couple, which I know grief can oftentimes be a
Speaker 2: real difficult thing for a couple to survive. So I
Speaker 2: do think reading this book or reading other books about
Speaker 2: this so that the parents can kind of both be
Speaker 2: understanding where each other is, give each other space when necessary,
Speaker 2: but then help each other when the opportunity arises. A
Speaker 2: lot of the dads have experience into a closer relationship
Speaker 2: with their family and with their spouse because of the
Speaker 2: passing of that child.
Speaker 3: We'll talk to Chris Moore after the break here a
Speaker 3: very interesting dream he had and also give you some
Speaker 3: tools whether you're a parent or not. You're listening to
Speaker 3: Shades of the Afterlife on the iHeartRadio and Coast to
Speaker 3: Coast AM Paranormal podcast Network.
Speaker 4: Don't go anywhere. There's more Shades of the Afterlife coming
Speaker 4: right up.
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Speaker 5: Hey everyone, it's producer Tom of Coast to Coast A
Speaker 5: m and more Sandras starts right now.
Speaker 3: Welcome back to Shades of the Afterlife. I'm Sandra Champlain
Speaker 3: and we're with Chris Ryan, who compiled the book of
Speaker 3: twenty five stories called Helping Fathers Heal.
Speaker 2: I do look forward to signs in those dreams, really
Speaker 2: vivid dreams. Just last week I had one. Sean had
Speaker 2: a dog, and this is one of those things where
Speaker 2: that dog was a piece of our history with him,
Speaker 2: and you know, dogs only live so many years, and
Speaker 2: we knew this dog was getting older, but we had
Speaker 2: three years with this dog since Sean passed, so there
Speaker 2: was always this feeling of that's Sean's dog, and we
Speaker 2: always had memories with the two of them playing and
Speaker 2: him growing up, loving on that dog. And last week
Speaker 2: we did have to put it to sleep. I knew
Speaker 2: it was going to happen. The day before, we had
Speaker 2: already made the arrangements for the vet to come to
Speaker 2: the house and euthanize the dog. So the night before
Speaker 2: I did have a very vivid dream with Sean and
Speaker 2: I was on a couch. He was sitting next to me.
Speaker 2: I had my arm around him, and he was kind
Speaker 2: of squirming around a little bit. He was probably about
Speaker 2: eight or nine. He was younger about the age he
Speaker 2: would have been when he got the dog, and the
Speaker 2: dog was curled up on the floor next to the couch.
Speaker 2: Most of the times in these dreams there's not like
Speaker 2: verbal communication, but I just knew what he was telling
Speaker 2: me was it's okay, and you're doing the right thing.
Speaker 2: It was a difficult decision for us if the dog
Speaker 2: was ready or not, and he was basically reaffirming and
Speaker 2: assuring me that it was okay. And now I know
Speaker 2: they're together in heaven playing, so I just passed that
Speaker 2: doggy spirit on to him to take care of.
Speaker 3: Oh. Sending you guys love for that too. It's the
Speaker 3: worst pain imaginable, but our animals are alive, and well
Speaker 3: we're going to see them all again. I tell you
Speaker 3: that welcoming committee when it's our time is just going
Speaker 3: to be huge, and all those little animal faces are
Speaker 3: going to be there as well. Yes, say little somebody
Speaker 3: could have a horse, Chris, What else would you like
Speaker 3: to share with our time together as any questions I
Speaker 3: haven't asked you, or any thoughts you'd like to share
Speaker 3: with those who are listening.
Speaker 2: Well, I think if you're listening to this then you
Speaker 2: probably are looking for help try to understand grief. I
Speaker 2: truly believe that it does help to feel like you're
Speaker 2: not alone, to try to connect with people who understand.
Speaker 2: If you're a guy like me, sometimes it's helpful to
Speaker 2: be in a safe space with other guys because we
Speaker 2: do have a certain kind of rapport with each other
Speaker 2: in our group helping fathers heal. I mean, we tell jokes,
Speaker 2: we laugh, and we drop f bombs. We close each
Speaker 2: meeting with stupid dad jokes, just so that we try
Speaker 2: to end on a lighter note for anybody who may
Speaker 2: be reluctant to reach out and try to find help
Speaker 2: in a group, because for me, be sitting in a group,
Speaker 2: you know, because we went to alan On for years
Speaker 2: because Sean was in an addictive cycle. I got help
Speaker 2: from it, but I didn't look forward to it, you know.
Speaker 2: And sometimes for guys, being in a group setting just
Speaker 2: doesn't as comfortable. But our group really is healing and fun,
Speaker 2: and whether it's our group or another group, I just
Speaker 2: encourage anybody that's listening to this and feeling that you
Speaker 2: want some help during your grief journey to find a
Speaker 2: group of people that you can feel safe with. I
Speaker 2: think that's the most important thing. And it doesn't have
Speaker 2: to be a bunch of people. It can be one
Speaker 2: or two people. But sometimes your wife can't do everything.
Speaker 2: That's too much pressure on a relationship to have that
Speaker 2: other person be the person that saves you. So finding
Speaker 2: your tribe, so to speak, and finding people who understand
Speaker 2: you and that you can talk to and you can
Speaker 2: reminisce and tell stories and not feel like that's a
Speaker 2: closet door that you can't open. I like to be
Speaker 2: able to share my memories with Sean with some of
Speaker 2: my friends. For them, it doesn't have to be this
Speaker 2: red flag of oh no, he's talking about his kid again.
Speaker 2: We're going to go down that road, going to start crying,
Speaker 2: and it's going to be uncomfortable. I got to get
Speaker 2: out of here because I don't cry every time. Sometimes
Speaker 2: I just hear a song and it's like I remember
Speaker 2: going to this concert with Sean. This is great. I
Speaker 2: would just encourage anybody in a grief state to reach
Speaker 2: out and find people who that you can feel safe
Speaker 2: being yourself with.
Speaker 3: People need people, whether we're grieving or not. And I
Speaker 3: find the worst place that we can go by ourselves
Speaker 3: is in our own mind.
Speaker 2: Yeah, amen, the story wild it's brutal.
Speaker 3: It's absolutely brutal. We would never be as hard on
Speaker 3: other people or tell them the thoughts in our head
Speaker 3: that we tell ourselves now.
Speaker 2: Because there's multiple people in there. You know, there's the
Speaker 2: spirit of truth and guidance, and then there's also all
Speaker 2: the other stuff that you bring with you as a
Speaker 2: human and all of your doubts. So sometimes you just
Speaker 2: need to work these things out. And also in the
Speaker 2: book Last Thing too, you know, in terms of tools,
Speaker 2: there are a variety of tools that are mentioned that
Speaker 2: different fathers have used, whether it's grief counseling or EMDR
Speaker 2: or other types of physical work kinetic work. But not
Speaker 2: everything is going to be the same for every person.
Speaker 2: So I definitely believe in connecting with other people. But
Speaker 2: I also think that there are therapies, whether it's meditating
Speaker 2: or just getting out for a walk or binaural beats
Speaker 2: which is kind of a type of meditation with an
Speaker 2: auditory influence. There are ways that you can help yourself,
Speaker 2: and there are tools in the book where you might
Speaker 2: find different ways that you haven't thought of before. Again,
Speaker 2: it's all about storytelling. This book is about the stories
Speaker 2: of twenty five dads and how they've made it through
Speaker 2: that initial valley. That we're not all healed. We never
Speaker 2: will be, you know, it never ends, but at least
Speaker 2: we're not where we were that first week, that first
Speaker 2: few days. We're able to find a way to stary,
Speaker 2: wretch and grow and reach out and connect with each
Speaker 2: other and with our child and spirit.
Speaker 3: If somebody's heart is heavy because they're experiencing a lot
Speaker 3: of guilt as a parent, what advice would you give them?
Speaker 2: If you're struggling with guilt, it may be helpful to
Speaker 2: talk to somebody who can give you some professional, objective advice.
Speaker 2: And it may be somebody that is not in your
Speaker 2: friendship circle. You may need to have a grief counselor
Speaker 2: or somebody just listen and try to give you some
Speaker 2: sense of perspective, because I think grief a lot of
Speaker 2: it is just about your own perspective and you're putting
Speaker 2: too much importance on what you did or didn't do.
Speaker 2: So sometimes an objective, professional, compassionate person can give you
Speaker 2: that sense of reality that you did everything you could,
Speaker 2: and that is one of the messages that we tend
Speaker 2: to get from our children on the other side. And
Speaker 2: I'm not talking about just Sean, many many of the
Speaker 2: other dads and parents. That seems to be a theme
Speaker 2: that is very consistent as our parents want us to
Speaker 2: know that you did everything you could and they want
Speaker 2: us to feel at peace. But if you've got a
Speaker 2: really strong response, the guilt response, that can be very toxic.
Speaker 2: So I would encourage talking to somebody. And medium readings
Speaker 2: for me have also been very helpful. I've heard other
Speaker 2: people say it's like a worth a year of therapy.
Speaker 2: Just having a good medium reading can be so healing.
Speaker 2: When you feel like you've connected with that child and
Speaker 2: that child has reassured you that this is the plan,
Speaker 2: this was the way it was supposed to happen, and
Speaker 2: I'm alive.
Speaker 3: I'm going to see you again. A while of the
Speaker 3: kids are helping others. There's some unbelievably wonderful stories I've
Speaker 3: heard from parents and the kids continue to make a difference.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and there's other resources and even the conference that
Speaker 2: they do every two years wonderful.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: I would explore the website Helpingparents Heal dot org. If
Speaker 2: you're in that place, educate yourself and then reach out
Speaker 2: to somebody who can help you.
Speaker 3: And there's so much more on their website. Even like
Speaker 3: I said, if you're not a parent or a sibling,
Speaker 3: you can see their YouTube channel and there's so many
Speaker 3: videos between mediums and experts and grief and afterlife.
Speaker 2: It's the and caring listeners. There's a list of people
Speaker 2: who are just other parents who you can call. You know,
Speaker 2: we're not professionals. We are caring listeners and you can
Speaker 2: call us anytime.
Speaker 3: Oh wonderful. Well, Chris, thank you so much for being
Speaker 3: our guest here today.
Speaker 2: Thank you. I appreciate it. It's been fun. Thanks it
Speaker 2: has It's always fun to talk about Sean and I
Speaker 2: celebrate his life. You know, I don't let that one
Speaker 2: thing define my life anymore. We're his, So thank you
Speaker 2: for allowing me to to share that story.
Speaker 3: And thank you Chris. That's Chris Ryan who compiled the
Speaker 3: book Helping Fathers Heal, Grief, Hope, and our Search for Connection.
Speaker 3: Chris can be reached through his professional website, which is
Speaker 3: Chrisryanvideo dot com, but more importantly, go to Helping Parents
Speaker 3: Heal dot org. You can click on the affiliate page.
Speaker 3: If you're a dad and there's Helping Fathers Heal. There's
Speaker 3: also Helping Siblings Heal. I encourage any parent to join
Speaker 3: Helping Parents Heal. It's free. It's the one organization that
Speaker 3: I know that not only gives grief support, but they
Speaker 3: believe in the afterlife. They are my favorite organization, and
Speaker 3: as Chris said, they're well over twenty thousand members. So
Speaker 3: a shout out to all of our friends at Helping
Speaker 3: Parents Heal dot org. I was discussing with Frenzy yesterday
Speaker 3: how important it is to feel that connection with our
Speaker 3: loved one. And even though you may not want to
Speaker 3: be a medium, I always suggest taking a course in mediumship.
Speaker 3: You learn just what those subtle feelings are and how
Speaker 3: our soul communicates and perceives information. We practice on each
Speaker 3: other in these zoom medium classes, and for less than
Speaker 3: one medium reading you get six two hour sessions and
Speaker 3: who comes through from the other side. It's your loved ones.
Speaker 3: And what a marvelous feeling it is as a human
Speaker 3: to deliver a message and evidence for someone else. You
Speaker 3: think it's your imagination, but it's not. These classes are
Speaker 3: so special. We always have classes coming up, but we
Speaker 3: don't die dot com. They're recorded. If you can't join
Speaker 3: live there's a money back guarantee. But your loved ones
Speaker 3: come through in such subtle manners. When you hear a
Speaker 3: favorite song out of the blue or memory comes in,
Speaker 3: that is them and for you to get involved with them,
Speaker 3: just take a walk down memory lane and they will
Speaker 3: start to give other feelings and memories and that's a
Speaker 3: sign to connect. So with that, my friend, our time
Speaker 3: today has come to an end. But I thank you
Speaker 3: really from the bottom of my heart for listening to
Speaker 3: Shades of the Afterlife on the iHeartRadio and Coast to
Speaker 3: Coast am Paranormal Podcast Network.
Speaker 1: Thanks for listening to the iHeartRadio and Coast to Ghost
Speaker 1: Day and Paranormal Podcast Network. Make sure and check out
Speaker 1: all our shows on the iHeartRadio app or by going
Speaker 1: to iHeartRadio dot com.