1 00:00:05,320 --> 00:00:08,360 Speaker 1: Welcome to the iHeartRadio and Coast to Coast AM paranormal 2 00:00:08,400 --> 00:00:11,480 Speaker 1: podcast network. This is the place to be if you're 3 00:00:11,520 --> 00:00:15,680 Speaker 1: ready for the best podcasts of the paranormal, curious. 4 00:00:15,320 --> 00:00:18,240 Speaker 2: And sometimes unexplained. Now listen to this. 5 00:00:21,520 --> 00:00:24,799 Speaker 3: Welcome to our podcast. Please be aware the thoughts and 6 00:00:24,880 --> 00:00:28,840 Speaker 3: opinions expressed by the host are their thoughts and opinions 7 00:00:28,880 --> 00:00:34,040 Speaker 3: only and do not reflect those of iHeartMedia, iHeartRadio, Coast 8 00:00:34,080 --> 00:00:38,520 Speaker 3: to Coast AM, employees of Premiere Networks, or their sponsors 9 00:00:38,560 --> 00:00:41,760 Speaker 3: and associates. We would like to encourage you to do 10 00:00:41,800 --> 00:00:47,520 Speaker 3: your own research and discover the subject matter for yourself. Hi. 11 00:00:47,920 --> 00:00:51,960 Speaker 3: I'm Sandra Champlain. For over twenty five years, I've been 12 00:00:52,000 --> 00:00:55,600 Speaker 3: on a journey to prove the existence of life after death. 13 00:00:56,240 --> 00:00:59,600 Speaker 3: On each episode, we'll discuss the reasons we now know 14 00:01:00,240 --> 00:01:03,720 Speaker 3: that our loved ones have survived physical debt, and so 15 00:01:04,240 --> 00:01:08,640 Speaker 3: will we. Welcome to Shades of the Afterlife. A recent 16 00:01:08,760 --> 00:01:12,480 Speaker 3: study says that couples are eight times more likely to 17 00:01:12,520 --> 00:01:15,800 Speaker 3: get a divorce when a child dies. I don't like 18 00:01:15,880 --> 00:01:18,920 Speaker 3: hearing that, and today I want to introduce you to 19 00:01:19,000 --> 00:01:23,680 Speaker 3: a dad that I think might help change this statistic. 20 00:01:24,280 --> 00:01:29,080 Speaker 3: Chris Ryan has worked professionally in marketing, communications, with radio, 21 00:01:29,120 --> 00:01:32,920 Speaker 3: and advertising for over thirty five years, and currently he 22 00:01:32,959 --> 00:01:36,880 Speaker 3: owns his own video production company. But he's also compiled 23 00:01:36,959 --> 00:01:43,080 Speaker 3: a book of twenty five stories called Helping Fathers Heal, Grief, 24 00:01:43,520 --> 00:01:48,280 Speaker 3: Hope and Search for Our Connection, Yes, a Connection with 25 00:01:48,440 --> 00:01:51,800 Speaker 3: children in the Afterlife. Chris is part of a group 26 00:01:52,000 --> 00:01:57,200 Speaker 3: called Helpingparentsheel dot Org. Let's meet Chris Ryan. 27 00:01:57,640 --> 00:01:59,480 Speaker 2: I grew up in San Diego. That's where I am 28 00:01:59,600 --> 00:02:01,640 Speaker 2: right now. We lived here for the first twenty one 29 00:02:01,680 --> 00:02:04,760 Speaker 2: years of my life until I started in my radio career. 30 00:02:05,160 --> 00:02:07,640 Speaker 2: I wanted to be a DJ. I love music. My 31 00:02:07,760 --> 00:02:11,280 Speaker 2: son and I, Sean, we both shared this passion. Long 32 00:02:11,320 --> 00:02:13,880 Speaker 2: before he was born. I was on the air playing 33 00:02:13,960 --> 00:02:15,960 Speaker 2: kind of music that he would later come to love, 34 00:02:16,520 --> 00:02:19,440 Speaker 2: so we had that in common. Later in his life, 35 00:02:19,960 --> 00:02:26,120 Speaker 2: you know, radio led me into different avenues marketing agencies, communications, 36 00:02:26,520 --> 00:02:30,799 Speaker 2: and ultimately videography, which I've shot many, well hundreds of 37 00:02:30,880 --> 00:02:34,320 Speaker 2: videos here and around the world in different countries, mainly 38 00:02:34,400 --> 00:02:38,320 Speaker 2: for corporate types of business, instructional videos and those types 39 00:02:38,360 --> 00:02:42,400 Speaker 2: of things. But I love storytelling and I love doing 40 00:02:42,520 --> 00:02:46,080 Speaker 2: videos that have a story, and I have a passion 41 00:02:46,240 --> 00:02:49,840 Speaker 2: for helping people tell their stories, So that part of 42 00:02:49,880 --> 00:02:53,640 Speaker 2: my professional career kind of dovetailed into the spark that 43 00:02:53,760 --> 00:02:56,720 Speaker 2: led to the book, which is giving a platform for 44 00:02:56,800 --> 00:03:00,240 Speaker 2: other fathers to tell their story, which for more most 45 00:03:00,280 --> 00:03:03,079 Speaker 2: of them, was the first time they'd really ever tried 46 00:03:03,200 --> 00:03:05,960 Speaker 2: to put that in writing. So that was a whole 47 00:03:06,000 --> 00:03:09,240 Speaker 2: process in and of itself. But Sean was born in 48 00:03:09,320 --> 00:03:13,400 Speaker 2: nineteen ninety seven, so he would be turning twenty six 49 00:03:13,520 --> 00:03:17,359 Speaker 2: this year. In his teenage years, he struggled a lot 50 00:03:17,440 --> 00:03:21,520 Speaker 2: with self image, anxiety, depression, you know, as one of 51 00:03:21,560 --> 00:03:26,080 Speaker 2: those gen Z kids that he didn't isolate necessarily, but 52 00:03:26,080 --> 00:03:28,120 Speaker 2: he was an only child, so he did have a 53 00:03:28,120 --> 00:03:30,720 Speaker 2: lot of alone time. So like I was on the 54 00:03:30,800 --> 00:03:33,519 Speaker 2: radio for twenty years, he never once turned on the radio. 55 00:03:33,639 --> 00:03:37,560 Speaker 2: All of his music came from YouTube and Napster and 56 00:03:37,600 --> 00:03:42,640 Speaker 2: file sharing and different types of online resources. It's a 57 00:03:42,640 --> 00:03:47,040 Speaker 2: great kid, though. We had a good relationship, very funny, 58 00:03:47,160 --> 00:03:51,160 Speaker 2: very very headstrong. I can't wait to learn more about 59 00:03:51,160 --> 00:03:53,280 Speaker 2: his soul plan one of these days when I get 60 00:03:53,280 --> 00:03:55,680 Speaker 2: a chance to be in heaven with him and we 61 00:03:55,720 --> 00:03:59,800 Speaker 2: get a chance to do a life review, because yeah, 62 00:04:00,120 --> 00:04:02,560 Speaker 2: he's a perfect child for us. But it was a challenge. 63 00:04:02,600 --> 00:04:08,640 Speaker 2: Everything has been a challenge. He was independent, sometimes defiant, 64 00:04:08,920 --> 00:04:11,839 Speaker 2: and when he turned into his teenage years, he kind 65 00:04:11,840 --> 00:04:15,360 Speaker 2: of went dark, as some kids do, closed the bedroom door, 66 00:04:15,480 --> 00:04:17,720 Speaker 2: don't want to talk to mom and dad, they don't 67 00:04:17,800 --> 00:04:22,200 Speaker 2: know anything, not as coachable. We tried to give him 68 00:04:22,279 --> 00:04:26,240 Speaker 2: the space to mature and learn on his own and 69 00:04:26,760 --> 00:04:30,400 Speaker 2: develop his friendships. But some of the kids he tended 70 00:04:30,440 --> 00:04:32,960 Speaker 2: to kind of lean toward were the other kids like 71 00:04:33,040 --> 00:04:36,000 Speaker 2: him that were maybe a little They felt like outsiders 72 00:04:36,080 --> 00:04:39,120 Speaker 2: a little bit. I think he reveled in that he 73 00:04:39,240 --> 00:04:41,800 Speaker 2: was not the kid that wanted to be the center 74 00:04:41,839 --> 00:04:45,400 Speaker 2: of the main social group. He was kind of one 75 00:04:45,400 --> 00:04:48,280 Speaker 2: of the kids on the outside looking in and making 76 00:04:48,360 --> 00:04:51,640 Speaker 2: fun or cracking jokes at some of the other kids. 77 00:04:51,680 --> 00:04:54,080 Speaker 2: So he had a good sense of humor. I don't 78 00:04:54,120 --> 00:04:57,880 Speaker 2: think he was necessarily a lonely child. He had a 79 00:04:57,920 --> 00:05:01,039 Speaker 2: lot of friends, but he did have lot of alone time. 80 00:05:01,279 --> 00:05:04,360 Speaker 2: He did hang with some kids that influenced him a bit, 81 00:05:04,520 --> 00:05:07,760 Speaker 2: and when he was probably twelve or thirteen, he tried 82 00:05:07,839 --> 00:05:12,839 Speaker 2: marijuana then started drinking a little bit, things that probably 83 00:05:12,880 --> 00:05:15,160 Speaker 2: we all did when we were kids. So, you know, 84 00:05:15,200 --> 00:05:18,480 Speaker 2: we didn't try to tell him that that's wrong. I mean, 85 00:05:18,680 --> 00:05:21,960 Speaker 2: we really wanted to have him learn the consequences of 86 00:05:22,000 --> 00:05:25,599 Speaker 2: life and guide him as much as we could. But 87 00:05:25,800 --> 00:05:28,360 Speaker 2: at the same time, they talk about walls. You know, 88 00:05:28,440 --> 00:05:31,560 Speaker 2: you have brick walls for kids, which are hard barriers, 89 00:05:31,680 --> 00:05:35,560 Speaker 2: hard rules, and then you have softer barriers where you 90 00:05:35,720 --> 00:05:38,039 Speaker 2: kind of let them learn and do what they do. 91 00:05:38,240 --> 00:05:40,880 Speaker 2: We just kept expecting him to grow out of certain 92 00:05:40,920 --> 00:05:44,800 Speaker 2: things like most of us have, but he kept getting 93 00:05:44,880 --> 00:05:50,520 Speaker 2: darker and deeper into experimenting with different things. Ultimately it 94 00:05:50,600 --> 00:05:56,320 Speaker 2: led to rehab and well in intervention first of all, 95 00:05:56,360 --> 00:06:00,320 Speaker 2: and then rehab and sober living. So he did develop 96 00:06:00,320 --> 00:06:03,680 Speaker 2: a taste for alcohol. At one point, when he was seventeen, 97 00:06:03,760 --> 00:06:07,320 Speaker 2: we took the extreme measure because we had now started 98 00:06:07,360 --> 00:06:11,520 Speaker 2: to erect brick walls. We were really wanting to try 99 00:06:11,560 --> 00:06:16,080 Speaker 2: to stop the slide of his grades, his attitude, his 100 00:06:16,320 --> 00:06:19,239 Speaker 2: lack of respect around the house. That was just not working. 101 00:06:19,400 --> 00:06:22,440 Speaker 2: So we made the difficult decision to send him to 102 00:06:22,839 --> 00:06:27,280 Speaker 2: Utah for a summer. It wasn't a boot camp like 103 00:06:27,320 --> 00:06:31,000 Speaker 2: you've seen maybe some of the movies where they deprive kids, 104 00:06:31,040 --> 00:06:35,520 Speaker 2: they abuse kids, they scream in their face, they scare 105 00:06:35,920 --> 00:06:39,760 Speaker 2: the life out of them this was a therapeutic camp, 106 00:06:39,800 --> 00:06:42,279 Speaker 2: and we did a lot of research on that. Were 107 00:06:42,320 --> 00:06:45,560 Speaker 2: I to do it over again, I don't know, because 108 00:06:45,680 --> 00:06:47,840 Speaker 2: it didn't have the effect on him that it has 109 00:06:47,920 --> 00:06:49,800 Speaker 2: on a lot of other kids, which is to kind 110 00:06:49,800 --> 00:06:52,799 Speaker 2: of scare them straight. For Sean, it made him really 111 00:06:52,880 --> 00:06:55,719 Speaker 2: mad because he missed out on the summer before his 112 00:06:55,839 --> 00:06:59,720 Speaker 2: senior year. And you can imagine how important summer is 113 00:06:59,760 --> 00:07:01,800 Speaker 2: for kids when they're in high school and you want 114 00:07:01,839 --> 00:07:03,359 Speaker 2: to get out of high school and you want to 115 00:07:03,360 --> 00:07:06,039 Speaker 2: have summer with all your friends. And he had a 116 00:07:06,040 --> 00:07:08,160 Speaker 2: bunch of concerts lined up he wanted to go to. 117 00:07:09,080 --> 00:07:12,440 Speaker 2: So he came back pretty mad at Mom and dad. 118 00:07:12,680 --> 00:07:15,480 Speaker 2: He was going to show us even though we drug 119 00:07:15,520 --> 00:07:18,520 Speaker 2: tested him. He decided alcohol would be the easiest way 120 00:07:18,560 --> 00:07:23,920 Speaker 2: to skip out on drug testing, so that accelerated. Ultimately, 121 00:07:24,360 --> 00:07:27,160 Speaker 2: what did him in was fetanol. He thought he was 122 00:07:27,200 --> 00:07:30,640 Speaker 2: buying something else. He was trying to self medicate, and 123 00:07:30,680 --> 00:07:33,800 Speaker 2: he bought what he thought was ketamine online because he'd 124 00:07:34,000 --> 00:07:36,120 Speaker 2: done a lot of research and heard that that was 125 00:07:36,160 --> 00:07:39,480 Speaker 2: effective in treating depression. So he didn't know what he 126 00:07:39,520 --> 00:07:42,040 Speaker 2: was getting, but he did know that he was getting 127 00:07:42,120 --> 00:07:46,400 Speaker 2: into kind of treacherous territory with how much he was using, 128 00:07:46,880 --> 00:07:50,160 Speaker 2: how much it was changing his life, how it was 129 00:07:50,200 --> 00:07:53,600 Speaker 2: affecting his work life, and whatnot. At this point, he 130 00:07:53,640 --> 00:07:56,840 Speaker 2: wasn't living at home. We couldn't handle the disruption. He 131 00:07:56,880 --> 00:07:59,280 Speaker 2: had moved out and was living with some other roommates. 132 00:08:00,200 --> 00:08:03,400 Speaker 2: He chose his roommates, and he was twenty one when 133 00:08:03,400 --> 00:08:07,320 Speaker 2: he moved out. He made that decision. He was an adult. Yeah, fentanyl. 134 00:08:07,840 --> 00:08:11,680 Speaker 2: He passed on September. You know, it's funny because they 135 00:08:11,760 --> 00:08:14,040 Speaker 2: called us on the fourth of September. We think his 136 00:08:14,160 --> 00:08:17,440 Speaker 2: spirit passed at that point, but he spent three days 137 00:08:17,480 --> 00:08:21,120 Speaker 2: in the ICU, and on the seventh we had to 138 00:08:21,160 --> 00:08:25,040 Speaker 2: make the horrific decision to discontinue life support because he 139 00:08:25,160 --> 00:08:29,720 Speaker 2: just didn't have any brain activities. So we are between 140 00:08:29,760 --> 00:08:32,600 Speaker 2: the fourth and the seventh. One of those days his 141 00:08:32,679 --> 00:08:36,120 Speaker 2: spirit left and the other day his body shut down. 142 00:08:36,640 --> 00:08:39,320 Speaker 3: Sending much love to you and your wife much much. 143 00:08:40,360 --> 00:08:41,240 Speaker 2: Yeah, thank you for that. 144 00:08:41,559 --> 00:08:44,319 Speaker 3: Yeah, and you're pushing through, you really are. 145 00:08:45,000 --> 00:08:45,240 Speaker 4: I know. 146 00:08:45,360 --> 00:08:49,600 Speaker 3: All forms of grief hurts incredibly, and the more you love, 147 00:08:49,800 --> 00:08:54,000 Speaker 3: the harder it is. Yeah, And it is my belief 148 00:08:54,040 --> 00:08:57,400 Speaker 3: that the parent's grief is the all time hardest. 149 00:08:57,640 --> 00:08:58,360 Speaker 2: I agree with that. 150 00:08:59,080 --> 00:09:01,240 Speaker 3: With that you're pushing through and you're making a difference. 151 00:09:01,920 --> 00:09:05,760 Speaker 3: What happened next? How did you find helping parents heal, 152 00:09:05,920 --> 00:09:10,360 Speaker 3: helping fathers heal? And I know you've received signs from 153 00:09:10,520 --> 00:09:13,840 Speaker 3: Sean's now gone on to compile a book with twenty 154 00:09:13,880 --> 00:09:17,320 Speaker 3: five stories. Tell us about that journey. 155 00:09:18,520 --> 00:09:23,120 Speaker 2: Well, in the beginning, I was really kind of focused 156 00:09:23,120 --> 00:09:27,600 Speaker 2: on work. I had a busy schedule after we took 157 00:09:27,640 --> 00:09:31,800 Speaker 2: care of the arrangements for Sean, and being a solo 158 00:09:32,040 --> 00:09:35,480 Speaker 2: entrepreneurial business owner, I just didn't have the ability to 159 00:09:35,520 --> 00:09:39,840 Speaker 2: call in sick or delegate anything. So I put my 160 00:09:39,920 --> 00:09:43,840 Speaker 2: head down and dove into work, which was a good distraction. 161 00:09:43,960 --> 00:09:47,319 Speaker 2: I don't know that it's necessarily the healthiest way to heal. 162 00:09:47,440 --> 00:09:50,160 Speaker 2: It was just kind of putting off the inevitable for me. 163 00:09:51,080 --> 00:09:56,199 Speaker 2: My wife Sin she's a researcher, she's really good at it, 164 00:09:56,320 --> 00:10:00,000 Speaker 2: and she went online and started looking at different one 165 00:10:00,280 --> 00:10:05,440 Speaker 2: groups of grieving compassion. She started ordering lots of books. 166 00:10:05,960 --> 00:10:10,920 Speaker 2: So she started educating herself on signs and on the afterlife, 167 00:10:11,320 --> 00:10:15,880 Speaker 2: and she started suggesting certain books to me. We had 168 00:10:15,960 --> 00:10:19,000 Speaker 2: seen some signs, we had gotten a few signs from 169 00:10:19,040 --> 00:10:21,720 Speaker 2: Sean that we felt like we could attribute to him, 170 00:10:22,000 --> 00:10:24,200 Speaker 2: but we were also kind of questioning whether or not 171 00:10:24,240 --> 00:10:28,600 Speaker 2: we were maybe making things up or Okay, you know, 172 00:10:28,679 --> 00:10:31,240 Speaker 2: these things have always been there were just now noticing them. 173 00:10:31,880 --> 00:10:35,480 Speaker 2: There were some that were for me like they were physical. 174 00:10:35,600 --> 00:10:38,520 Speaker 2: I had an experience a couple of weeks after Sean 175 00:10:38,640 --> 00:10:41,199 Speaker 2: passed where I got up in the morning too. I 176 00:10:41,240 --> 00:10:44,640 Speaker 2: couldn't sleep very well the early days of grief. I 177 00:10:44,760 --> 00:10:47,520 Speaker 2: just sleeping and waking is all kind of mixed up. 178 00:10:48,040 --> 00:10:50,320 Speaker 2: And so it was dark, it was early, it was 179 00:10:50,400 --> 00:10:53,520 Speaker 2: cool outside. I went to jump in the hot tub 180 00:10:54,040 --> 00:10:57,000 Speaker 2: and just soak and watch the sun come up. But 181 00:10:57,720 --> 00:11:01,480 Speaker 2: as I turned the corner to the hot it's like 182 00:11:01,520 --> 00:11:03,920 Speaker 2: it's cool morning. And I walk around the corner and 183 00:11:04,000 --> 00:11:08,600 Speaker 2: I felt myself walking through almost like if you pass 184 00:11:08,640 --> 00:11:11,160 Speaker 2: a dryer vent, or you go to a laundromat, you 185 00:11:11,200 --> 00:11:15,320 Speaker 2: pass a wall of dryer vents. It was warm, and 186 00:11:16,160 --> 00:11:19,640 Speaker 2: I didn't know what that was. It was so strange 187 00:11:19,880 --> 00:11:22,600 Speaker 2: that I turned around and I kind of thought about 188 00:11:22,600 --> 00:11:24,240 Speaker 2: it for a minute, and I walked back and I 189 00:11:24,280 --> 00:11:28,120 Speaker 2: tried to retrace my steps, but I couldn't recreate it. 190 00:11:28,240 --> 00:11:31,960 Speaker 2: I just said, thank you, thank you, Sean, I attribute 191 00:11:32,000 --> 00:11:34,480 Speaker 2: that to him, and it's not the only time that 192 00:11:34,520 --> 00:11:41,480 Speaker 2: I've felt a physical touch. So I do believe that 193 00:11:41,559 --> 00:11:46,880 Speaker 2: our children want to help. They are closer than we think. 194 00:11:47,440 --> 00:11:50,319 Speaker 2: In fact, one medium that we met with several times, 195 00:11:50,400 --> 00:11:53,560 Speaker 2: Farah Gibson, she says that the veil is really all 196 00:11:53,600 --> 00:11:57,360 Speaker 2: around us. It's not like in the sky or some 197 00:11:57,480 --> 00:12:02,240 Speaker 2: other place geographically. It's like they are right here. It's 198 00:12:02,280 --> 00:12:05,320 Speaker 2: just that we can't sense that. Our senses don't pick 199 00:12:05,400 --> 00:12:09,800 Speaker 2: that up. Yeah, it's been a journey to learn about 200 00:12:09,800 --> 00:12:13,720 Speaker 2: the afterlife, to read books. Joe McQuillan wrote a great 201 00:12:13,720 --> 00:12:17,600 Speaker 2: book about his search for his son Christopher, who passed 202 00:12:18,000 --> 00:12:21,680 Speaker 2: tragically from a hypothermia. He fell off a boat in 203 00:12:21,720 --> 00:12:24,440 Speaker 2: a very cold lake. He started to be able to 204 00:12:24,480 --> 00:12:26,760 Speaker 2: connect with his son, and it was through more of 205 00:12:26,760 --> 00:12:30,600 Speaker 2: a meditative process. But we're just normal guys. You know. 206 00:12:30,640 --> 00:12:35,360 Speaker 2: We're not trained mediums, we're not psychics, we're not special 207 00:12:35,520 --> 00:12:38,280 Speaker 2: in any way other than you know, our heart is 208 00:12:38,360 --> 00:12:42,640 Speaker 2: just broken open and we're trying to figure out what 209 00:12:42,760 --> 00:12:46,360 Speaker 2: life means and what our life, our life means. How 210 00:12:46,360 --> 00:12:50,040 Speaker 2: do we fit into this puzzle of a shattered kind 211 00:12:50,080 --> 00:12:51,880 Speaker 2: of vision of what life would become. 212 00:12:52,800 --> 00:12:55,199 Speaker 3: Let's take a quick break and we'll be right back 213 00:12:55,280 --> 00:12:58,760 Speaker 3: with Dad Chris Ryan. You're listening to Shades of the 214 00:12:58,800 --> 00:13:05,079 Speaker 3: Afterlife iHeartRadio and Coast to Coast AM Paranormal Podcast Network. 215 00:13:08,800 --> 00:13:10,800 Speaker 5: Stay there, Sandra will be right back. 216 00:13:13,520 --> 00:13:16,840 Speaker 4: Controlling insulin the key to weight loss. Weight Magic product 217 00:13:16,880 --> 00:13:18,080 Speaker 4: creator Dan Putnam. 218 00:13:18,160 --> 00:13:21,439 Speaker 6: We've created the weight Magic drop. They'll control the insulin, 219 00:13:21,520 --> 00:13:24,400 Speaker 6: also can deliver and then the weight Magic hassles to 220 00:13:24,480 --> 00:13:27,640 Speaker 6: increase that metabolism. Not uncommon for somebody to lose a 221 00:13:27,679 --> 00:13:29,400 Speaker 6: half a pound to a pound a day. 222 00:13:29,600 --> 00:13:32,960 Speaker 4: Weight Magic only at healthy looking dot com. Healthy looking 223 00:13:33,080 --> 00:13:36,000 Speaker 4: dot com. 224 00:13:36,040 --> 00:13:39,840 Speaker 3: You're listening to the iHeartRadio and Coast to Coast AM 225 00:13:40,280 --> 00:13:46,400 Speaker 3: Paranormal podcast Network. Heard on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, 226 00:13:46,760 --> 00:14:02,040 Speaker 3: or wherever you find your favorite shows. Welcome back to 227 00:14:02,120 --> 00:14:05,880 Speaker 3: Shades of the Afterlife. I'm Sandra Champlain. Let's continue our 228 00:14:05,920 --> 00:14:10,040 Speaker 3: conversation with Dad Chris Ryan, who compiled a book of 229 00:14:10,080 --> 00:14:14,080 Speaker 3: twenty five stories of fathers looking to connect with their 230 00:14:14,160 --> 00:14:15,600 Speaker 3: children in the afterlife. 231 00:14:15,880 --> 00:14:18,840 Speaker 2: We're just normal guys. You know, we're not trained mediums, 232 00:14:18,880 --> 00:14:23,080 Speaker 2: we're not psychics, we're not special in any way other 233 00:14:23,160 --> 00:14:26,280 Speaker 2: than you know, our heart is just broken open, and 234 00:14:26,320 --> 00:14:30,320 Speaker 2: we're trying to figure out what life means and what 235 00:14:30,400 --> 00:14:33,320 Speaker 2: our life, our life means, how do we fit into 236 00:14:33,360 --> 00:14:36,880 Speaker 2: this puzzle of a shattered kind of vision of what 237 00:14:36,960 --> 00:14:40,040 Speaker 2: life would become. Because when a child dies, you have 238 00:14:40,080 --> 00:14:42,880 Speaker 2: all these dreams of what your life will be. You 239 00:14:42,920 --> 00:14:46,200 Speaker 2: know you will have grandchildren, and your child will help 240 00:14:46,240 --> 00:14:49,000 Speaker 2: you in your old age, and you save up your 241 00:14:49,040 --> 00:14:52,480 Speaker 2: money because you want to pass your retirement onto your 242 00:14:52,560 --> 00:14:56,200 Speaker 2: kid or kids, whatever the case may be. So we 243 00:14:56,400 --> 00:14:59,560 Speaker 2: grieve so many things that are gone, and being an 244 00:14:59,600 --> 00:15:02,880 Speaker 2: only now it almost felt like we weren't able to 245 00:15:02,880 --> 00:15:06,400 Speaker 2: be parents again, not in an active way. So our 246 00:15:06,440 --> 00:15:11,080 Speaker 2: identity kind of shifted, and so educating ourselves was probably 247 00:15:11,160 --> 00:15:14,720 Speaker 2: the best first step, reading books and knowing that we're 248 00:15:14,720 --> 00:15:17,680 Speaker 2: not alone. And here's what other people went through. And 249 00:15:17,720 --> 00:15:21,160 Speaker 2: in the research, my wife found Helping Parents hel It 250 00:15:21,240 --> 00:15:25,040 Speaker 2: was an online organization both with a website but then 251 00:15:25,080 --> 00:15:27,640 Speaker 2: also with a Facebook group, and they at that time, 252 00:15:27,760 --> 00:15:30,360 Speaker 2: this was almost three years ago, they had maybe twenty 253 00:15:30,360 --> 00:15:33,560 Speaker 2: eight two thousand followers, and now it's up over that, 254 00:15:33,640 --> 00:15:36,760 Speaker 2: I think it's twenty six thousand or something. So a 255 00:15:36,800 --> 00:15:39,400 Speaker 2: lot of moms mainly, but there were a lot of 256 00:15:39,480 --> 00:15:42,840 Speaker 2: dads too. She went to a few of the meetings. 257 00:15:43,080 --> 00:15:46,400 Speaker 2: There are affiliate groups geographically located, so there's one here 258 00:15:46,440 --> 00:15:49,440 Speaker 2: in the southern California area. But at the time that 259 00:15:49,520 --> 00:15:51,800 Speaker 2: she learned about Helping Parents hel that was just about 260 00:15:51,840 --> 00:15:53,440 Speaker 2: the time that they were going to do their twenty 261 00:15:53,480 --> 00:15:56,880 Speaker 2: twenty conference, and it's just an eight hour drive from 262 00:15:56,960 --> 00:15:59,800 Speaker 2: US to Phoenix. So she asked me if i'd go, 263 00:16:00,000 --> 00:16:02,920 Speaker 2: and I said, sure, I'll go. We could do it. 264 00:16:03,000 --> 00:16:05,200 Speaker 2: We made the time for it, and I thought I'd 265 00:16:05,240 --> 00:16:08,640 Speaker 2: be supporting her, and I was willing to learn as well. 266 00:16:08,680 --> 00:16:11,640 Speaker 2: I'm not closed minded at all. It's just that going 267 00:16:11,640 --> 00:16:15,000 Speaker 2: to a conference of hundreds of people that all had 268 00:16:15,080 --> 00:16:18,200 Speaker 2: had their same tragedy, it wasn't probably the first thing 269 00:16:18,200 --> 00:16:20,080 Speaker 2: that I would have picked to do, and I thought, boy, 270 00:16:20,120 --> 00:16:23,720 Speaker 2: that's going to be a downer. Well, boy, I was wrong. 271 00:16:24,560 --> 00:16:28,600 Speaker 2: I was really an uplifting experience and it was great 272 00:16:28,640 --> 00:16:31,560 Speaker 2: to meet so many other parents who are healing and 273 00:16:31,600 --> 00:16:34,480 Speaker 2: connecting with each other and with their kids, which is 274 00:16:34,520 --> 00:16:37,280 Speaker 2: a part of the healing process for many of us. 275 00:16:37,560 --> 00:16:41,400 Speaker 2: It was really a very interesting experience. And at that 276 00:16:41,560 --> 00:16:44,360 Speaker 2: conference we had a reading. It was one of these 277 00:16:44,400 --> 00:16:47,880 Speaker 2: gallery readings where a medium is on stage and it's 278 00:16:47,920 --> 00:16:51,400 Speaker 2: in the main assembly. So there's eight hundred parents, so 279 00:16:51,480 --> 00:16:54,680 Speaker 2: you've got to figure there's eight hundred or more kids, 280 00:16:55,000 --> 00:16:57,360 Speaker 2: you know, that are all wanting to talk to their parents. 281 00:16:57,520 --> 00:17:00,600 Speaker 2: And again, Farah Gibson is the medium that kind of 282 00:17:00,880 --> 00:17:05,560 Speaker 2: just totally revolutionized our worldview on where Sean is because 283 00:17:05,600 --> 00:17:09,879 Speaker 2: she connected with Sean. It was so thrilling and maybe 284 00:17:09,920 --> 00:17:12,520 Speaker 2: a little I don't know if embarrassing is the right word, 285 00:17:12,520 --> 00:17:14,480 Speaker 2: but when you're in a group of people that big 286 00:17:14,520 --> 00:17:16,800 Speaker 2: and then your kids starts talking to you, and you 287 00:17:16,880 --> 00:17:20,480 Speaker 2: stand up and you realize that this is just absolutely 288 00:17:20,640 --> 00:17:25,560 Speaker 2: incontrovertible evidence, and the video is available online. I created 289 00:17:25,600 --> 00:17:28,640 Speaker 2: a YouTube video that is side by side of her 290 00:17:28,680 --> 00:17:31,800 Speaker 2: reading and then of the evidence. Because I have a 291 00:17:31,880 --> 00:17:35,080 Speaker 2: video background, I could put it together and actually show 292 00:17:35,119 --> 00:17:37,840 Speaker 2: the evidence, which was kind of fun. That really changed 293 00:17:37,840 --> 00:17:41,399 Speaker 2: things for us. That whole conference was a game changer. 294 00:17:41,600 --> 00:17:45,040 Speaker 2: And since then, I've learned about the Father's Group Helping 295 00:17:45,080 --> 00:17:47,320 Speaker 2: Father's Heal as one of the affiliate groups, and that's 296 00:17:47,320 --> 00:17:49,080 Speaker 2: where I came to know some of the other men 297 00:17:49,160 --> 00:17:50,960 Speaker 2: that helped write this book. 298 00:17:51,080 --> 00:17:53,600 Speaker 3: Could you tell us a little bit about that evidence. 299 00:17:54,080 --> 00:17:54,359 Speaker 5: Sure. 300 00:17:54,480 --> 00:17:57,600 Speaker 2: Yeah, Farah is very unique in that she was able 301 00:17:57,800 --> 00:18:02,119 Speaker 2: in the room to kind of endpoint where the parents 302 00:18:02,160 --> 00:18:05,760 Speaker 2: were sitting. That was kind of an unusual thing compared 303 00:18:05,760 --> 00:18:08,879 Speaker 2: to other mediums we've seen there at the conference. She 304 00:18:08,960 --> 00:18:12,119 Speaker 2: was able to kind of know the child was helping 305 00:18:12,200 --> 00:18:14,359 Speaker 2: to guide her to a side of the room, so 306 00:18:14,400 --> 00:18:16,280 Speaker 2: she kind of walked over to our side of the room, 307 00:18:16,320 --> 00:18:19,960 Speaker 2: and then she started talking about pulling up funny socks, 308 00:18:20,119 --> 00:18:24,400 Speaker 2: crazy socks, really stupid colors, and that was something that 309 00:18:24,520 --> 00:18:27,879 Speaker 2: our son loved to wear, you know, chili pepper socks 310 00:18:27,960 --> 00:18:32,200 Speaker 2: or flamencos or pelicans. In fact, he and I both 311 00:18:32,240 --> 00:18:34,840 Speaker 2: had the same pair of socks. My wife had gotten 312 00:18:34,920 --> 00:18:37,119 Speaker 2: us each repair, so that was kind of one of 313 00:18:37,160 --> 00:18:41,000 Speaker 2: our things was pelicans, which we got pelican tattoos at 314 00:18:41,000 --> 00:18:43,760 Speaker 2: one point, Sean and I did. So she'd started talking 315 00:18:43,760 --> 00:18:47,280 Speaker 2: about these socks, and nobody else really understood it, but 316 00:18:47,320 --> 00:18:50,119 Speaker 2: we were kind of ribbing each other, like yeash Sean 317 00:18:50,800 --> 00:18:53,320 Speaker 2: loved those, and so we put our hand up and 318 00:18:53,359 --> 00:18:55,720 Speaker 2: she came over and she said a little bit more 319 00:18:55,760 --> 00:18:59,600 Speaker 2: about the socks and how I would wear them as well, 320 00:19:00,080 --> 00:19:02,520 Speaker 2: and so that became a piece of evidence and so 321 00:19:02,560 --> 00:19:05,560 Speaker 2: she knew she'd locked on to us, and so we 322 00:19:05,600 --> 00:19:08,800 Speaker 2: stood up and she talked about his love of music. 323 00:19:09,480 --> 00:19:12,760 Speaker 2: She said, he's carving his name in something. Is somebody 324 00:19:12,800 --> 00:19:16,400 Speaker 2: carving would And we didn't know right off the bat, 325 00:19:16,440 --> 00:19:19,000 Speaker 2: and we were like unsure about that, and she said 326 00:19:19,520 --> 00:19:22,199 Speaker 2: the guitar. Did he do something with the guitar? And 327 00:19:22,240 --> 00:19:26,639 Speaker 2: then it clicked, because yes, his acoustic guitar he wrote 328 00:19:26,680 --> 00:19:29,399 Speaker 2: all over the back. He carved in it. He wrote 329 00:19:29,400 --> 00:19:33,119 Speaker 2: little messages. He even wrote I'm so sorry mom and dad. 330 00:19:33,400 --> 00:19:36,040 Speaker 2: And there's another message in the back of the guitar 331 00:19:36,119 --> 00:19:39,400 Speaker 2: that says this is my finale. Which we didn't see 332 00:19:39,440 --> 00:19:43,600 Speaker 2: any of this until after we'd recovered his belongings. So 333 00:19:43,640 --> 00:19:46,480 Speaker 2: she got the guitar part. Then she said, but Dad, 334 00:19:46,520 --> 00:19:50,360 Speaker 2: you're trying to play, and that was true. And then 335 00:19:50,359 --> 00:19:52,960 Speaker 2: she said, but you can't get the bar chords, and 336 00:19:53,000 --> 00:19:56,040 Speaker 2: she said it in a teasing way, just like Sean 337 00:19:56,080 --> 00:19:59,200 Speaker 2: would say it, and that is exactly true. I I'm 338 00:19:59,240 --> 00:20:01,639 Speaker 2: not good at that. And then she brought up a 339 00:20:01,680 --> 00:20:03,879 Speaker 2: piece of evidence about a deck that we were building 340 00:20:03,920 --> 00:20:06,639 Speaker 2: in the backyard. And this was the most mind blowing 341 00:20:06,680 --> 00:20:09,359 Speaker 2: because it was just two or three weeks earlier that 342 00:20:09,840 --> 00:20:13,359 Speaker 2: I had finished building a deck and I finished a 343 00:20:13,400 --> 00:20:17,800 Speaker 2: piece of wood with resin, and I didn't mix enough resins, 344 00:20:17,840 --> 00:20:20,520 Speaker 2: so I had to do another batch, which you never 345 00:20:20,560 --> 00:20:23,240 Speaker 2: want to do. Resin needs to cure all at the 346 00:20:23,240 --> 00:20:26,520 Speaker 2: same time. So Sean brought through this evidence about the 347 00:20:26,560 --> 00:20:31,959 Speaker 2: deck and then he said through Farah, but you didn't 348 00:20:32,000 --> 00:20:36,560 Speaker 2: do it right. You screwed it up. It doesn't even match. 349 00:20:37,000 --> 00:20:40,800 Speaker 2: Those were the words that he used. She used, and 350 00:20:40,840 --> 00:20:43,719 Speaker 2: so in the video that I created, you can see 351 00:20:43,880 --> 00:20:47,080 Speaker 2: the division of where the first pore of resin was 352 00:20:47,200 --> 00:20:50,200 Speaker 2: and the second pore. And by that time, my wife 353 00:20:50,240 --> 00:20:52,520 Speaker 2: and I we were just tingling, you know, we were 354 00:20:52,800 --> 00:20:55,760 Speaker 2: so blown away, and the people in the audience were 355 00:20:55,760 --> 00:21:00,359 Speaker 2: clapping because it was such a crazy, detailed kind of reading, 356 00:21:00,760 --> 00:21:05,040 Speaker 2: full of personality. So those were some of the biggest 357 00:21:05,119 --> 00:21:07,679 Speaker 2: things that come to mind immediately. I think we counted 358 00:21:07,720 --> 00:21:10,520 Speaker 2: there as maybe twenty pieces of evidence that she gave 359 00:21:10,600 --> 00:21:13,199 Speaker 2: us all in a seven minute period. But it was 360 00:21:13,280 --> 00:21:15,760 Speaker 2: life changing for us. At that point. We knew that 361 00:21:15,880 --> 00:21:19,240 Speaker 2: Sean was watching what we were doing, and that he's 362 00:21:19,920 --> 00:21:24,479 Speaker 2: still there and we are still having a relationship to 363 00:21:24,560 --> 00:21:27,399 Speaker 2: some extent, that we love each other and care for 364 00:21:27,440 --> 00:21:30,000 Speaker 2: each other, but we just can't touch each other the 365 00:21:30,040 --> 00:21:31,679 Speaker 2: same way that we used to be able to. 366 00:21:32,200 --> 00:21:35,119 Speaker 3: It's still very much alive. Yeah, would you tell us 367 00:21:35,119 --> 00:21:36,320 Speaker 3: again where we can see the video. 368 00:21:36,560 --> 00:21:39,400 Speaker 2: You go to Helping Parents Heal and go to the 369 00:21:39,400 --> 00:21:42,760 Speaker 2: affiliate group's page a little drop down for Helping Fathers 370 00:21:42,840 --> 00:21:45,440 Speaker 2: Heal and so if you go to that, you'll see 371 00:21:45,600 --> 00:21:48,800 Speaker 2: information about the book, and then a little further down 372 00:21:48,960 --> 00:21:51,959 Speaker 2: you'll see bios of the different affiliate leaders. I'm one 373 00:21:51,960 --> 00:21:54,600 Speaker 2: of the affiliate leaders and at the very end of 374 00:21:54,640 --> 00:21:58,119 Speaker 2: my bio there is a link to Farah Gibson's reading. 375 00:21:58,400 --> 00:22:01,520 Speaker 3: Thank you for that. You're an affiliate do you host 376 00:22:01,680 --> 00:22:04,320 Speaker 3: live events or online things or both? 377 00:22:04,359 --> 00:22:07,320 Speaker 2: So we meet weekly on Zoom, which is a little 378 00:22:07,359 --> 00:22:09,720 Speaker 2: bit different than the other affiliate groups. I think they 379 00:22:09,760 --> 00:22:13,360 Speaker 2: have monthly meetings and they're in person and because they're 380 00:22:13,400 --> 00:22:18,720 Speaker 2: geographically located, whereas the Father's Group is guys from all 381 00:22:18,760 --> 00:22:22,680 Speaker 2: over Canada, the United States. We have one dad in Brazil. 382 00:22:23,400 --> 00:22:26,160 Speaker 2: We've had people join us from the UK, although it's 383 00:22:26,200 --> 00:22:29,800 Speaker 2: a hardship to the time difference, but it's not geographic. 384 00:22:29,920 --> 00:22:33,200 Speaker 2: So it is a weekly meeting, which is really good 385 00:22:33,240 --> 00:22:35,479 Speaker 2: because it helps us to really kind of get to 386 00:22:35,520 --> 00:22:38,879 Speaker 2: know each other on a week to week basis. In 387 00:22:38,960 --> 00:22:43,120 Speaker 2: this grieving space, things change so quickly week to week 388 00:22:43,200 --> 00:22:45,639 Speaker 2: that every week there's going to be a dad that 389 00:22:45,920 --> 00:22:51,000 Speaker 2: either's celebrating something like a sign or a dream, or 390 00:22:51,320 --> 00:22:54,040 Speaker 2: a dad that's having a hard week because of an 391 00:22:54,080 --> 00:22:58,200 Speaker 2: anniversary or something that may have triggered a certain emotional response. 392 00:22:59,000 --> 00:23:02,159 Speaker 2: You know, isn't a linear thing. You go up, you 393 00:23:02,200 --> 00:23:04,639 Speaker 2: go down, you think you're better, then you go back, 394 00:23:04,760 --> 00:23:09,960 Speaker 2: you regress, you progress. So weekly meetings are really good, 395 00:23:10,000 --> 00:23:12,520 Speaker 2: and even though it's on Zoom, i'd say that we 396 00:23:12,600 --> 00:23:15,760 Speaker 2: are a very tight knit group. There's over six hundred 397 00:23:15,840 --> 00:23:19,520 Speaker 2: dads that have joined Helping Fathers Heal as a Facebook group, 398 00:23:19,920 --> 00:23:22,960 Speaker 2: but the Zoom call each week is thirty to forty dads. 399 00:23:23,359 --> 00:23:26,480 Speaker 2: We're usually a core group of dads, but we always, 400 00:23:26,640 --> 00:23:30,359 Speaker 2: unfortunately we have new dads coming on because we still 401 00:23:30,359 --> 00:23:33,679 Speaker 2: have kids that are passing and the dads need to 402 00:23:33,680 --> 00:23:37,600 Speaker 2: go somewhere. So hopefully we're becoming more visible as an 403 00:23:37,640 --> 00:23:40,320 Speaker 2: alternative or as a resource for fathers. 404 00:23:41,000 --> 00:23:43,000 Speaker 3: What day in time do you host that? 405 00:23:43,320 --> 00:23:47,560 Speaker 2: Yeah, it's Wednesday nights Wednesdays five pm Pacific time, So 406 00:23:47,640 --> 00:23:51,320 Speaker 2: eight pm Eastern time, And if you join the Helping 407 00:23:51,400 --> 00:23:54,920 Speaker 2: Fathers Heel affiliate group, there's a Facebook page and there's 408 00:23:54,960 --> 00:23:57,919 Speaker 2: a couple of questions just to kind of verify that 409 00:23:58,000 --> 00:24:00,840 Speaker 2: you have a child in spirit. We don't want to solicitation. 410 00:24:01,080 --> 00:24:03,000 Speaker 2: We just wanted to keep it to be dad's you know, 411 00:24:03,200 --> 00:24:04,920 Speaker 2: real guys that are in the same boat. 412 00:24:05,520 --> 00:24:07,600 Speaker 3: Well, thank you for doing that. And I know we've 413 00:24:07,640 --> 00:24:10,520 Speaker 3: got lots of dads listening to this right now and 414 00:24:11,160 --> 00:24:13,840 Speaker 3: may feel at home with being part of it. 415 00:24:14,359 --> 00:24:15,639 Speaker 2: Yeah, it definitely helps. 416 00:24:16,200 --> 00:24:19,359 Speaker 3: So Helping Father's heal to all of a sudden having 417 00:24:19,520 --> 00:24:24,240 Speaker 3: this beautiful book with twenty five chapters, well how it 418 00:24:24,320 --> 00:24:26,480 Speaker 3: brought that about? To tell us about that journey. 419 00:24:27,400 --> 00:24:30,240 Speaker 2: I'm not an author, so I never really even thought 420 00:24:30,280 --> 00:24:33,600 Speaker 2: about doing a book. I did have a medium reading 421 00:24:34,200 --> 00:24:37,320 Speaker 2: after Farah. The first medium reading we had that was 422 00:24:37,359 --> 00:24:41,120 Speaker 2: a one on one was with medium Kareem. She's here 423 00:24:41,160 --> 00:24:44,159 Speaker 2: in San Diego but it was still online, and she 424 00:24:44,280 --> 00:24:47,159 Speaker 2: said in the reading that Sean was telling her that 425 00:24:47,200 --> 00:24:49,719 Speaker 2: there's a book in me, and I didn't know what 426 00:24:49,760 --> 00:24:52,679 Speaker 2: that meant. I'd never thought of that. It didn't appeal 427 00:24:52,720 --> 00:24:55,280 Speaker 2: to me, to be honest, I don't journal much. I 428 00:24:55,280 --> 00:24:58,159 Speaker 2: don't write a lot. I am a storyteller, and I 429 00:24:58,240 --> 00:25:03,080 Speaker 2: do enjoy the video part of storytelling. But to sit 430 00:25:03,280 --> 00:25:06,600 Speaker 2: and put the story down on paper, I'd never occurred 431 00:25:06,600 --> 00:25:08,960 Speaker 2: to me. I brought it up to some of the 432 00:25:09,040 --> 00:25:12,560 Speaker 2: dads in one of our affiliate group meetings, our Zoom call, 433 00:25:12,600 --> 00:25:15,600 Speaker 2: and I just asked, you know, does this appeal to anybody? 434 00:25:15,640 --> 00:25:18,680 Speaker 2: Does anybody think this is an idea that you'd want 435 00:25:18,720 --> 00:25:21,359 Speaker 2: to write a chapter? Would we have enough guys that 436 00:25:21,480 --> 00:25:24,640 Speaker 2: might want to write one chapter, you know, just four 437 00:25:24,680 --> 00:25:27,600 Speaker 2: or five six pages and tell us the story about 438 00:25:27,880 --> 00:25:30,320 Speaker 2: your child and what kind of a child was this, 439 00:25:30,560 --> 00:25:33,800 Speaker 2: and what was your relationship like? And so about eight 440 00:25:33,880 --> 00:25:36,119 Speaker 2: hands went up the first night that I brought it up, 441 00:25:36,160 --> 00:25:38,280 Speaker 2: and so I thought, well, I don't know how we'll 442 00:25:38,280 --> 00:25:40,120 Speaker 2: do this. I got to figure this out. 443 00:25:40,320 --> 00:25:43,119 Speaker 3: We'll hear more from Chris after the break how he 444 00:25:43,200 --> 00:25:47,600 Speaker 3: engaged twenty five other dads to tell their stories. It's 445 00:25:47,640 --> 00:25:51,560 Speaker 3: so important to hear from the dads. Usually an afterlife 446 00:25:51,600 --> 00:25:57,119 Speaker 3: communication predominantly hear from the ladies. I'm not a dad, 447 00:25:57,400 --> 00:26:00,800 Speaker 3: I'm not a man, but I do believe men need 448 00:26:00,840 --> 00:26:03,359 Speaker 3: to hear from other men. So let's go to the 449 00:26:03,400 --> 00:26:06,439 Speaker 3: break and we'll be right back with more of Chris Ryan. 450 00:26:06,720 --> 00:26:10,640 Speaker 3: You're listening to Shades of the Afterlife on the iHeartRadio 451 00:26:11,000 --> 00:26:14,960 Speaker 3: and Coast to Coast AM Paranormal Podcast Network. 452 00:26:17,480 --> 00:26:18,360 Speaker 5: Don't go anywhere. 453 00:26:18,400 --> 00:26:20,959 Speaker 1: There's more Shades of the Afterlife coming right up. 454 00:26:24,680 --> 00:26:26,399 Speaker 5: Hey, folks, we need your music. 455 00:26:26,520 --> 00:26:28,760 Speaker 7: Hey, it's producer Tom at Coast to Coast AM and 456 00:26:28,800 --> 00:26:31,359 Speaker 7: every first Sunday of the month, we play music from 457 00:26:31,440 --> 00:26:34,399 Speaker 7: emerging artists just like you. 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That's Coast to COASTAM dot com. 464 00:26:55,680 --> 00:26:57,720 Speaker 1: Hey, this is George Nori and you're listening to the 465 00:26:57,720 --> 00:27:01,080 Speaker 1: iHeartRadio and Coast to Ghost AM Paranoral Podcast Network. 466 00:27:01,320 --> 00:27:02,399 Speaker 4: Thanks for being here. 467 00:27:02,600 --> 00:27:04,520 Speaker 1: Now let's get back to more with Sandra. 468 00:27:17,119 --> 00:27:21,439 Speaker 3: Welcome back to Shades of the Afterlife. I'm Sandra Champlain. Next, 469 00:27:21,600 --> 00:27:26,159 Speaker 3: I ask Chris Ryan how he got the stories of 470 00:27:26,240 --> 00:27:30,800 Speaker 3: the twenty four other men about their journey and their 471 00:27:30,840 --> 00:27:33,719 Speaker 3: connection with their kids in the afterlife. For the book 472 00:27:34,000 --> 00:27:35,480 Speaker 3: Helping Fathers, heal. 473 00:27:35,920 --> 00:27:40,479 Speaker 2: I wrote a series of questions, ten questions, thinking, okay, 474 00:27:40,760 --> 00:27:43,119 Speaker 2: this would help me. You know, it's more like a worksheet, 475 00:27:43,440 --> 00:27:46,320 Speaker 2: So I like homework to be able to answer questions 476 00:27:46,320 --> 00:27:49,399 Speaker 2: about tell us about your child and then taking us 477 00:27:49,480 --> 00:27:53,479 Speaker 2: through the whole narrative arc of a story about the 478 00:27:53,520 --> 00:27:57,480 Speaker 2: transition of your child and then what were the first days, 479 00:27:57,680 --> 00:28:00,680 Speaker 2: like what did you experience and where did you find 480 00:28:00,720 --> 00:28:05,359 Speaker 2: some help? What surprised you about grief? What kinds of 481 00:28:05,640 --> 00:28:08,000 Speaker 2: signs have you had? Have you had any Is there 482 00:28:08,000 --> 00:28:10,960 Speaker 2: anything that you would have as advice to another dad 483 00:28:10,960 --> 00:28:13,840 Speaker 2: who may be reading this. Every dad was given ten 484 00:28:13,960 --> 00:28:17,639 Speaker 2: questions that they could simply answer in a paragraph or 485 00:28:17,640 --> 00:28:19,760 Speaker 2: two and then they've got a story if you got 486 00:28:19,760 --> 00:28:23,240 Speaker 2: a chapter. Tom Madson helped me edit the book. Some 487 00:28:23,359 --> 00:28:25,879 Speaker 2: of the dads. We did a lot of phone interviews 488 00:28:25,960 --> 00:28:28,800 Speaker 2: to try to really pull out the story and help 489 00:28:28,840 --> 00:28:32,560 Speaker 2: them write it. So the editing process was quite extensive, 490 00:28:33,200 --> 00:28:35,040 Speaker 2: but the fact that we were able to spread the 491 00:28:35,040 --> 00:28:38,360 Speaker 2: writing out to twenty five other guys because ultimately after 492 00:28:38,800 --> 00:28:41,160 Speaker 2: asking this question. Over a two month period, I had 493 00:28:41,160 --> 00:28:45,200 Speaker 2: twenty five volunteers, and then the editing process took about 494 00:28:45,440 --> 00:28:47,120 Speaker 2: seven or eight months, and then we were able to 495 00:28:47,120 --> 00:28:49,960 Speaker 2: get the book out in April. So it surprised me 496 00:28:50,040 --> 00:28:52,000 Speaker 2: that we had so many guys willing to do it, 497 00:28:52,080 --> 00:28:55,080 Speaker 2: and it was so heartening for me. It was very 498 00:28:55,640 --> 00:28:58,920 Speaker 2: rewarding to hear the dads say that this was cathartic 499 00:28:59,040 --> 00:29:03,320 Speaker 2: for them, just the process of going back through not 500 00:29:03,560 --> 00:29:07,360 Speaker 2: just the transition and the pain of that moment, but 501 00:29:07,560 --> 00:29:11,720 Speaker 2: go back even further and start writing about the life 502 00:29:11,760 --> 00:29:15,000 Speaker 2: that they had with that child and some of those memories. 503 00:29:15,520 --> 00:29:18,560 Speaker 2: Some of the kids had physical illness, you know, had 504 00:29:18,560 --> 00:29:21,800 Speaker 2: suffered with cancer for years, and so there's a variety 505 00:29:21,840 --> 00:29:26,680 Speaker 2: of ways that these children had decided to transition and 506 00:29:27,160 --> 00:29:31,160 Speaker 2: that was their sole plan. So hearing how those children 507 00:29:31,320 --> 00:29:35,320 Speaker 2: lived and how their lives were celebrated, and the relationships 508 00:29:35,360 --> 00:29:40,600 Speaker 2: with their dads, and then learning the subsequent fallout from 509 00:29:40,600 --> 00:29:43,800 Speaker 2: that and how they found help. You know, that's really 510 00:29:44,200 --> 00:29:46,920 Speaker 2: the purpose of the book is just to give somebody 511 00:29:46,920 --> 00:29:49,680 Speaker 2: that's reading it a bit of a kind of charting 512 00:29:49,720 --> 00:29:53,400 Speaker 2: a course of you know, this is how it can 513 00:29:53,480 --> 00:29:56,520 Speaker 2: look and there's twenty five different stories, so they're not 514 00:29:56,560 --> 00:29:59,520 Speaker 2: all the same, but many of us had the same 515 00:29:59,760 --> 00:30:05,320 Speaker 2: in initial reaction of paralysis and fog and just inability 516 00:30:05,400 --> 00:30:09,720 Speaker 2: to think coherently or you know, right after a child dies, 517 00:30:10,000 --> 00:30:13,240 Speaker 2: you have to do all this crazy decision making of 518 00:30:13,520 --> 00:30:18,000 Speaker 2: making arrangements and then communicating with family and communicating with 519 00:30:18,080 --> 00:30:22,480 Speaker 2: that kid's friends' families, and it's just a really weird time. 520 00:30:23,520 --> 00:30:26,840 Speaker 2: But by connecting both with our children and then also 521 00:30:26,960 --> 00:30:30,320 Speaker 2: as dads in this group, we've connected with each other. 522 00:30:30,720 --> 00:30:34,040 Speaker 2: That's really where we've found a sense of hope that 523 00:30:34,120 --> 00:30:36,600 Speaker 2: our children are still with us and that we're going 524 00:30:36,680 --> 00:30:40,120 Speaker 2: to be okay, and that they didn't die. You know, 525 00:30:40,800 --> 00:30:43,440 Speaker 2: their life goes on, they're just their body isn't here. 526 00:30:43,520 --> 00:30:47,520 Speaker 2: So being able to kind of discover that as a 527 00:30:47,560 --> 00:30:50,360 Speaker 2: father in the midst of your grief, to be able 528 00:30:50,400 --> 00:30:54,880 Speaker 2: to feel that is just so relieving, as such a 529 00:30:54,920 --> 00:30:58,400 Speaker 2: wonderful feeling, a healing feeling, knowing that you're not alone, 530 00:30:58,600 --> 00:31:02,120 Speaker 2: really that there is a path to healing and you 531 00:31:02,160 --> 00:31:05,400 Speaker 2: don't have to feel isolated. That's probably the worst thing 532 00:31:05,600 --> 00:31:09,000 Speaker 2: many people choose to do when they lose someone that 533 00:31:09,000 --> 00:31:11,400 Speaker 2: they love is that they just lock the door and 534 00:31:11,880 --> 00:31:14,680 Speaker 2: go to bed and they never come out. Certainly there's 535 00:31:14,680 --> 00:31:16,640 Speaker 2: a time and a place for that, but you have 536 00:31:16,720 --> 00:31:19,600 Speaker 2: to reach out. That's what we're here to do, is 537 00:31:19,640 --> 00:31:21,760 Speaker 2: to love each other and to learn how to love. 538 00:31:21,920 --> 00:31:25,680 Speaker 2: And our children are still out there available to help 539 00:31:25,800 --> 00:31:28,960 Speaker 2: us learn that lesson. That's my son Sean on the cover. 540 00:31:29,480 --> 00:31:32,640 Speaker 3: Oh beautiful helping fathers Heal. 541 00:31:33,040 --> 00:31:34,960 Speaker 2: It's not like a portrait for those of you that 542 00:31:35,040 --> 00:31:37,960 Speaker 2: don't see the book, it's it's kind of a shadow silhouette, 543 00:31:38,040 --> 00:31:41,080 Speaker 2: so you know, you don't have any real gender identification, 544 00:31:41,240 --> 00:31:45,479 Speaker 2: ethnic identification. It's just this child in a warrior pose, 545 00:31:45,560 --> 00:31:49,120 Speaker 2: you know, kind of that youthful energy. Yeah, we just 546 00:31:49,120 --> 00:31:52,960 Speaker 2: wanted to have everything be about the hope that can 547 00:31:53,000 --> 00:31:56,240 Speaker 2: come with having that relationship continue. 548 00:31:56,640 --> 00:31:58,960 Speaker 3: Is it a book for anyone or just. 549 00:31:58,960 --> 00:32:04,400 Speaker 2: Dad's Yes, it's a book for anyone dad's moms, you know, 550 00:32:04,440 --> 00:32:07,480 Speaker 2: because it could be a spouse might not understand how 551 00:32:07,520 --> 00:32:12,160 Speaker 2: the father's grieving, siblings or relatives, you know, anybody that 552 00:32:12,400 --> 00:32:15,200 Speaker 2: wants to learn about the grieving process and what's going 553 00:32:15,240 --> 00:32:18,080 Speaker 2: on in the mind of that other person that they 554 00:32:18,160 --> 00:32:20,719 Speaker 2: might not understand, and they might want to develop a 555 00:32:20,720 --> 00:32:25,040 Speaker 2: certain kind of empathy toward Wow, what are they going through? 556 00:32:25,120 --> 00:32:28,160 Speaker 2: What should I say to a person who's grieving? I 557 00:32:28,160 --> 00:32:30,800 Speaker 2: don't have the right words. What if I say something 558 00:32:30,800 --> 00:32:34,000 Speaker 2: and they start crying? You know, people are very uncomfortable 559 00:32:34,480 --> 00:32:39,160 Speaker 2: with us grievers, but if they can find a safe spot, 560 00:32:39,320 --> 00:32:42,120 Speaker 2: I think this book is a very healthy way for 561 00:32:42,160 --> 00:32:45,960 Speaker 2: people to understand what grieving looks like, what we're going through, 562 00:32:46,360 --> 00:32:48,680 Speaker 2: and what we need. And what we need is for 563 00:32:48,760 --> 00:32:51,000 Speaker 2: people to stay with us, to hang with us, to 564 00:32:51,440 --> 00:32:54,440 Speaker 2: have the courage to just ask us how we're doing, 565 00:32:54,480 --> 00:32:57,120 Speaker 2: and just sit there and listen and not try to 566 00:32:57,160 --> 00:33:00,880 Speaker 2: fix anything. And as dads, that's what naturally, you know, 567 00:33:00,960 --> 00:33:04,160 Speaker 2: we try to fix stuff. We try to protect our 568 00:33:04,320 --> 00:33:07,440 Speaker 2: loved ones. We may feel a certain special sense of 569 00:33:07,440 --> 00:33:11,960 Speaker 2: guilt because our child didn't have the full life that 570 00:33:12,040 --> 00:33:16,760 Speaker 2: everybody would expect. And so I do think that fathers 571 00:33:16,840 --> 00:33:21,080 Speaker 2: have an extra element of complexity with their grief because 572 00:33:21,120 --> 00:33:26,320 Speaker 2: of that societal expectation of the man being strong, not 573 00:33:26,480 --> 00:33:30,360 Speaker 2: showing much emotion, being able to carry on. You know, 574 00:33:30,400 --> 00:33:32,360 Speaker 2: your boss wants you to get back to work. It's 575 00:33:32,400 --> 00:33:35,480 Speaker 2: been four weeks. Are you over it yet? You know 576 00:33:35,520 --> 00:33:37,880 Speaker 2: you're having a bad day. Oh, I don't want to 577 00:33:37,880 --> 00:33:39,960 Speaker 2: talk to him. I'm going to leave him alone. No, 578 00:33:40,040 --> 00:33:43,800 Speaker 2: we'd love to be able to be human. And if 579 00:33:43,800 --> 00:33:45,960 Speaker 2: we look like we're having a bad day, just ask us. 580 00:33:46,040 --> 00:33:48,000 Speaker 2: You know, hey, can I do anything for you? Can 581 00:33:48,040 --> 00:33:49,440 Speaker 2: I buy you a cup of coffee? You want to 582 00:33:49,440 --> 00:33:50,040 Speaker 2: take a walk? 583 00:33:50,640 --> 00:33:50,880 Speaker 5: You know? 584 00:33:51,120 --> 00:33:55,120 Speaker 2: Just be with us. That's the message that. 585 00:33:55,040 --> 00:33:57,040 Speaker 3: Can be the simplest thing to say too. I don't 586 00:33:57,040 --> 00:33:58,840 Speaker 3: know what you're feeling or what you're going through, but 587 00:33:58,880 --> 00:34:00,920 Speaker 3: I just want you to know I'm here for you. Yeah, 588 00:34:01,200 --> 00:34:03,840 Speaker 3: excuse me. I'm here to listen. I'm here to be 589 00:34:03,880 --> 00:34:06,600 Speaker 3: your friend. That's right, Chris. Would you share some of 590 00:34:06,640 --> 00:34:08,239 Speaker 3: the stories that are in the book. I don't want 591 00:34:08,239 --> 00:34:10,080 Speaker 3: to say favorite, because I know they're all good, but 592 00:34:10,160 --> 00:34:13,320 Speaker 3: any stories that come to mind of signs or different reasons. 593 00:34:13,840 --> 00:34:17,440 Speaker 3: Your fellow fathers believe their kids are with them. 594 00:34:18,080 --> 00:34:20,200 Speaker 2: I feel like they're all my children at this point. 595 00:34:20,520 --> 00:34:23,800 Speaker 2: I've read them so many times in the editing process. 596 00:34:23,880 --> 00:34:26,879 Speaker 2: I feel so intimate with all of these kids. And 597 00:34:27,960 --> 00:34:30,680 Speaker 2: I will share one thing. I had a reading with 598 00:34:31,280 --> 00:34:34,840 Speaker 2: a medium. Her name is Isabella Johnson, and this was 599 00:34:35,000 --> 00:34:38,200 Speaker 2: when the book was in the final editing stages, and 600 00:34:38,400 --> 00:34:41,600 Speaker 2: she said something about the kids are excited to tell 601 00:34:41,640 --> 00:34:45,360 Speaker 2: their story, and I thought, wow, this is cool, this 602 00:34:45,520 --> 00:34:48,440 Speaker 2: is great. So she didn't know anything about the book. 603 00:34:48,880 --> 00:34:51,600 Speaker 2: She knew I was from Helping Fathers Heal, because that's 604 00:34:51,680 --> 00:34:54,960 Speaker 2: kind of how we found hers through the Helping Parents 605 00:34:55,000 --> 00:34:59,520 Speaker 2: Heal list of approved mediums. And then she said, there's 606 00:34:59,560 --> 00:35:03,439 Speaker 2: more boys the girls. And she even said it looks 607 00:35:03,440 --> 00:35:06,920 Speaker 2: like there's only about seven girls in going back then 608 00:35:07,120 --> 00:35:09,560 Speaker 2: first time. Late in the process, I go back, I 609 00:35:09,600 --> 00:35:13,080 Speaker 2: count all the chapters, sure enough, with seven girls that 610 00:35:13,120 --> 00:35:16,440 Speaker 2: were featured in the stories, and the rest were boys. 611 00:35:17,520 --> 00:35:20,960 Speaker 2: Some of the dads that are the quietest in the 612 00:35:21,000 --> 00:35:25,400 Speaker 2: group meetings the Zoom meetings had the most heartfelt stories, 613 00:35:26,080 --> 00:35:30,400 Speaker 2: and some shared my experience with fentanyl because that is 614 00:35:30,520 --> 00:35:35,000 Speaker 2: such a killer of our children right now, and there's 615 00:35:35,760 --> 00:35:39,640 Speaker 2: lovely stories of kids. I believe our kids continue to 616 00:35:39,719 --> 00:35:44,279 Speaker 2: work with us through us, inspire us, nudge us, and 617 00:35:44,360 --> 00:35:48,200 Speaker 2: there's fathers that are doing great advocacy work on drug 618 00:35:48,239 --> 00:35:52,360 Speaker 2: awareness on mental health issues. The very first chapter in 619 00:35:52,400 --> 00:35:56,360 Speaker 2: the book is just a beautiful chapter, tragic, heartbreaking story 620 00:35:57,080 --> 00:36:01,520 Speaker 2: of a suicide. But the author, Harry Brule, has taken 621 00:36:01,560 --> 00:36:05,799 Speaker 2: it upon himself to quit his other job and is 622 00:36:05,880 --> 00:36:09,120 Speaker 2: now working in the mental health area helping other children, 623 00:36:09,600 --> 00:36:14,920 Speaker 2: especially with a disorder that is not typically diagnosed before 624 00:36:14,960 --> 00:36:20,400 Speaker 2: you're eighteen. It's borderline personality disorder BPD. It is what 625 00:36:20,520 --> 00:36:25,160 Speaker 2: happens when you have kind of a bipolar or two polls. 626 00:36:25,440 --> 00:36:30,680 Speaker 2: You go from anxiety, depression, isolation, nobody loves me, I'm 627 00:36:30,719 --> 00:36:34,760 Speaker 2: worthless to the other extreme. And so now this father 628 00:36:34,920 --> 00:36:38,640 Speaker 2: is doing advocacy work for that to help other young people. 629 00:36:39,160 --> 00:36:41,680 Speaker 2: Other dads are doing assemblies where they talk to kids 630 00:36:41,719 --> 00:36:45,240 Speaker 2: at schools. So many of these stories are really special 631 00:36:45,280 --> 00:36:48,120 Speaker 2: to me, and the kids just are so tender and 632 00:36:48,400 --> 00:36:52,200 Speaker 2: many of them very sensitive. Many of the dads describe 633 00:36:52,200 --> 00:36:56,520 Speaker 2: their children as seemingly having old souls, and that makes 634 00:36:56,600 --> 00:37:00,879 Speaker 2: total sense when you talk to medium or people who 635 00:37:00,880 --> 00:37:04,200 Speaker 2: are tuned into that that these would have probably been 636 00:37:04,719 --> 00:37:08,399 Speaker 2: perhaps advanced souls that decided they are going to make 637 00:37:08,440 --> 00:37:12,359 Speaker 2: that hard choice to leave early and make room for 638 00:37:12,440 --> 00:37:17,160 Speaker 2: a spiritual experience for the parents. So, without a doubt, 639 00:37:17,200 --> 00:37:21,160 Speaker 2: it's made all of the dads more spiritually sensitive and 640 00:37:21,640 --> 00:37:24,759 Speaker 2: more in tune with their child in a way that 641 00:37:25,320 --> 00:37:28,160 Speaker 2: they may not have been in physical form. 642 00:37:28,400 --> 00:37:31,759 Speaker 3: Right, and that relationship continues, which brings me to my 643 00:37:31,920 --> 00:37:35,880 Speaker 3: next question. How does your relationship with your son continue? 644 00:37:36,480 --> 00:37:38,799 Speaker 3: Are you talking to him? Are you asking for signs? 645 00:37:39,520 --> 00:37:42,560 Speaker 3: You include him in everything? I'm guessing you do. 646 00:37:43,400 --> 00:37:45,480 Speaker 2: Yeah, I've got him right here in front of me. 647 00:37:45,560 --> 00:37:48,200 Speaker 2: In fact, I always carry this around. This is a 648 00:37:48,200 --> 00:37:51,839 Speaker 2: little piece of glass that we had blown glass and 649 00:37:51,880 --> 00:37:54,560 Speaker 2: his ashes are in it, and I just keep it 650 00:37:54,600 --> 00:37:58,359 Speaker 2: in my pocket as a kind of a touchstone. But yeah, 651 00:37:58,400 --> 00:38:03,160 Speaker 2: we talked to him. We thank him for I have dreams. 652 00:38:03,400 --> 00:38:05,400 Speaker 2: My wife has had a couple of dreams, but not 653 00:38:05,440 --> 00:38:08,640 Speaker 2: as many, but we do have dreams. I know she's 654 00:38:08,719 --> 00:38:11,600 Speaker 2: doing a lot of meditation and she does get a 655 00:38:11,640 --> 00:38:16,239 Speaker 2: sensory perception of Sean being close by. But I would 656 00:38:16,280 --> 00:38:21,839 Speaker 2: say that we still maintain that personality and relationship even 657 00:38:21,880 --> 00:38:24,320 Speaker 2: though it's not as easy as picking up the phone 658 00:38:25,200 --> 00:38:27,920 Speaker 2: and calling them. That's what we miss the most, is 659 00:38:27,960 --> 00:38:31,000 Speaker 2: just being able to dial up a number or see 660 00:38:31,040 --> 00:38:33,920 Speaker 2: him in person. But yeah, we do still have a 661 00:38:34,000 --> 00:38:37,200 Speaker 2: relationship with him, and it's brought us closer together as 662 00:38:37,239 --> 00:38:40,840 Speaker 2: a couple, which I know grief can oftentimes be a 663 00:38:40,920 --> 00:38:44,759 Speaker 2: real difficult thing for a couple to survive. So I 664 00:38:44,800 --> 00:38:47,640 Speaker 2: do think reading this book or reading other books about 665 00:38:47,680 --> 00:38:50,480 Speaker 2: this so that the parents can kind of both be 666 00:38:50,719 --> 00:38:54,839 Speaker 2: understanding where each other is, give each other space when necessary, 667 00:38:54,920 --> 00:38:58,600 Speaker 2: but then help each other when the opportunity arises. A 668 00:38:58,640 --> 00:39:02,000 Speaker 2: lot of the dads have experience into a closer relationship 669 00:39:02,040 --> 00:39:06,000 Speaker 2: with their family and with their spouse because of the 670 00:39:06,040 --> 00:39:07,160 Speaker 2: passing of that child. 671 00:39:07,560 --> 00:39:11,040 Speaker 3: We'll talk to Chris Moore after the break here a 672 00:39:11,239 --> 00:39:15,400 Speaker 3: very interesting dream he had and also give you some 673 00:39:15,520 --> 00:39:18,719 Speaker 3: tools whether you're a parent or not. You're listening to 674 00:39:19,239 --> 00:39:23,040 Speaker 3: Shades of the Afterlife on the iHeartRadio and Coast to 675 00:39:23,120 --> 00:39:26,800 Speaker 3: Coast AM Paranormal podcast Network. 676 00:39:29,400 --> 00:39:33,200 Speaker 4: Don't go anywhere. There's more Shades of the Afterlife coming 677 00:39:33,280 --> 00:39:33,840 Speaker 4: right up. 678 00:39:40,600 --> 00:39:44,520 Speaker 3: Every eight minutes. The American Red Cross brings help and 679 00:39:44,640 --> 00:39:48,279 Speaker 3: hope to people in need. Thanks to the support of 680 00:39:48,440 --> 00:39:52,200 Speaker 3: everyday heroes like you, the Red Cross is able to 681 00:39:52,320 --> 00:39:58,240 Speaker 3: respond to disasters big and small, support military families, help 682 00:39:58,400 --> 00:40:02,560 Speaker 3: ensure that blood is available when needed, and teach life 683 00:40:02,600 --> 00:40:07,600 Speaker 3: saving skills like CPR and first Aid. Be a hero 684 00:40:08,480 --> 00:40:13,480 Speaker 3: donate today, visit Redcross dot org or call one eight 685 00:40:13,600 --> 00:40:19,080 Speaker 3: hundred red Cross. 686 00:40:19,120 --> 00:40:21,239 Speaker 5: Hey everyone, it's producer Tom of Coast to Coast A 687 00:40:21,400 --> 00:40:31,680 Speaker 5: m and more Sandras starts right now. 688 00:40:36,040 --> 00:40:39,600 Speaker 3: Welcome back to Shades of the Afterlife. I'm Sandra Champlain 689 00:40:40,080 --> 00:40:43,560 Speaker 3: and we're with Chris Ryan, who compiled the book of 690 00:40:43,719 --> 00:40:48,000 Speaker 3: twenty five stories called Helping Fathers Heal. 691 00:40:48,480 --> 00:40:51,720 Speaker 2: I do look forward to signs in those dreams, really 692 00:40:51,880 --> 00:40:55,719 Speaker 2: vivid dreams. Just last week I had one. Sean had 693 00:40:55,719 --> 00:40:58,560 Speaker 2: a dog, and this is one of those things where 694 00:40:59,320 --> 00:41:02,359 Speaker 2: that dog was a piece of our history with him, 695 00:41:02,640 --> 00:41:07,200 Speaker 2: and you know, dogs only live so many years, and 696 00:41:07,239 --> 00:41:10,120 Speaker 2: we knew this dog was getting older, but we had 697 00:41:10,200 --> 00:41:13,799 Speaker 2: three years with this dog since Sean passed, so there 698 00:41:13,880 --> 00:41:16,360 Speaker 2: was always this feeling of that's Sean's dog, and we 699 00:41:16,400 --> 00:41:20,560 Speaker 2: always had memories with the two of them playing and 700 00:41:20,680 --> 00:41:23,680 Speaker 2: him growing up, loving on that dog. And last week 701 00:41:23,719 --> 00:41:26,600 Speaker 2: we did have to put it to sleep. I knew 702 00:41:26,640 --> 00:41:28,600 Speaker 2: it was going to happen. The day before, we had 703 00:41:28,600 --> 00:41:30,640 Speaker 2: already made the arrangements for the vet to come to 704 00:41:30,680 --> 00:41:34,280 Speaker 2: the house and euthanize the dog. So the night before 705 00:41:34,480 --> 00:41:37,879 Speaker 2: I did have a very vivid dream with Sean and 706 00:41:38,000 --> 00:41:41,920 Speaker 2: I was on a couch. He was sitting next to me. 707 00:41:42,000 --> 00:41:44,640 Speaker 2: I had my arm around him, and he was kind 708 00:41:44,640 --> 00:41:47,240 Speaker 2: of squirming around a little bit. He was probably about 709 00:41:47,440 --> 00:41:49,640 Speaker 2: eight or nine. He was younger about the age he 710 00:41:49,680 --> 00:41:51,640 Speaker 2: would have been when he got the dog, and the 711 00:41:51,680 --> 00:41:54,320 Speaker 2: dog was curled up on the floor next to the couch. 712 00:41:55,360 --> 00:41:57,640 Speaker 2: Most of the times in these dreams there's not like 713 00:41:58,040 --> 00:42:01,600 Speaker 2: verbal communication, but I just knew what he was telling 714 00:42:01,640 --> 00:42:06,480 Speaker 2: me was it's okay, and you're doing the right thing. 715 00:42:07,040 --> 00:42:09,239 Speaker 2: It was a difficult decision for us if the dog 716 00:42:09,360 --> 00:42:13,120 Speaker 2: was ready or not, and he was basically reaffirming and 717 00:42:13,239 --> 00:42:15,799 Speaker 2: assuring me that it was okay. And now I know 718 00:42:15,840 --> 00:42:18,920 Speaker 2: they're together in heaven playing, so I just passed that 719 00:42:19,280 --> 00:42:22,319 Speaker 2: doggy spirit on to him to take care of. 720 00:42:22,880 --> 00:42:25,799 Speaker 3: Oh. Sending you guys love for that too. It's the 721 00:42:25,840 --> 00:42:29,759 Speaker 3: worst pain imaginable, but our animals are alive, and well 722 00:42:29,800 --> 00:42:32,120 Speaker 3: we're going to see them all again. I tell you 723 00:42:32,200 --> 00:42:35,600 Speaker 3: that welcoming committee when it's our time is just going 724 00:42:35,600 --> 00:42:38,279 Speaker 3: to be huge, and all those little animal faces are 725 00:42:38,280 --> 00:42:40,760 Speaker 3: going to be there as well. Yes, say little somebody 726 00:42:40,800 --> 00:42:44,239 Speaker 3: could have a horse, Chris, What else would you like 727 00:42:44,320 --> 00:42:46,920 Speaker 3: to share with our time together as any questions I 728 00:42:46,960 --> 00:42:50,160 Speaker 3: haven't asked you, or any thoughts you'd like to share 729 00:42:50,320 --> 00:42:52,120 Speaker 3: with those who are listening. 730 00:42:53,000 --> 00:42:56,360 Speaker 2: Well, I think if you're listening to this then you 731 00:42:56,640 --> 00:43:02,319 Speaker 2: probably are looking for help try to understand grief. I 732 00:43:02,480 --> 00:43:05,839 Speaker 2: truly believe that it does help to feel like you're 733 00:43:05,880 --> 00:43:10,160 Speaker 2: not alone, to try to connect with people who understand. 734 00:43:11,080 --> 00:43:14,840 Speaker 2: If you're a guy like me, sometimes it's helpful to 735 00:43:14,880 --> 00:43:18,880 Speaker 2: be in a safe space with other guys because we 736 00:43:18,960 --> 00:43:22,399 Speaker 2: do have a certain kind of rapport with each other 737 00:43:22,560 --> 00:43:26,640 Speaker 2: in our group helping fathers heal. I mean, we tell jokes, 738 00:43:26,680 --> 00:43:30,640 Speaker 2: we laugh, and we drop f bombs. We close each 739 00:43:30,760 --> 00:43:34,239 Speaker 2: meeting with stupid dad jokes, just so that we try 740 00:43:34,280 --> 00:43:37,120 Speaker 2: to end on a lighter note for anybody who may 741 00:43:37,160 --> 00:43:42,680 Speaker 2: be reluctant to reach out and try to find help 742 00:43:43,239 --> 00:43:46,560 Speaker 2: in a group, because for me, be sitting in a group, 743 00:43:47,160 --> 00:43:49,120 Speaker 2: you know, because we went to alan On for years 744 00:43:49,160 --> 00:43:53,839 Speaker 2: because Sean was in an addictive cycle. I got help 745 00:43:53,880 --> 00:43:56,960 Speaker 2: from it, but I didn't look forward to it, you know. 746 00:43:57,040 --> 00:43:59,360 Speaker 2: And sometimes for guys, being in a group setting just 747 00:43:59,440 --> 00:44:04,120 Speaker 2: doesn't as comfortable. But our group really is healing and fun, 748 00:44:04,360 --> 00:44:06,480 Speaker 2: and whether it's our group or another group, I just 749 00:44:06,760 --> 00:44:10,040 Speaker 2: encourage anybody that's listening to this and feeling that you 750 00:44:10,160 --> 00:44:15,600 Speaker 2: want some help during your grief journey to find a 751 00:44:15,640 --> 00:44:18,000 Speaker 2: group of people that you can feel safe with. I 752 00:44:18,000 --> 00:44:20,239 Speaker 2: think that's the most important thing. And it doesn't have 753 00:44:20,320 --> 00:44:22,520 Speaker 2: to be a bunch of people. It can be one 754 00:44:22,719 --> 00:44:27,080 Speaker 2: or two people. But sometimes your wife can't do everything. 755 00:44:27,320 --> 00:44:30,440 Speaker 2: That's too much pressure on a relationship to have that 756 00:44:30,520 --> 00:44:35,200 Speaker 2: other person be the person that saves you. So finding 757 00:44:35,480 --> 00:44:39,719 Speaker 2: your tribe, so to speak, and finding people who understand 758 00:44:39,760 --> 00:44:42,000 Speaker 2: you and that you can talk to and you can 759 00:44:42,560 --> 00:44:45,400 Speaker 2: reminisce and tell stories and not feel like that's a 760 00:44:45,440 --> 00:44:47,960 Speaker 2: closet door that you can't open. I like to be 761 00:44:48,080 --> 00:44:51,520 Speaker 2: able to share my memories with Sean with some of 762 00:44:51,560 --> 00:44:54,000 Speaker 2: my friends. For them, it doesn't have to be this 763 00:44:54,239 --> 00:44:57,880 Speaker 2: red flag of oh no, he's talking about his kid again. 764 00:44:58,400 --> 00:45:01,000 Speaker 2: We're going to go down that road, going to start crying, 765 00:45:01,080 --> 00:45:03,200 Speaker 2: and it's going to be uncomfortable. I got to get 766 00:45:03,200 --> 00:45:06,280 Speaker 2: out of here because I don't cry every time. Sometimes 767 00:45:06,280 --> 00:45:08,040 Speaker 2: I just hear a song and it's like I remember 768 00:45:08,040 --> 00:45:11,120 Speaker 2: going to this concert with Sean. This is great. I 769 00:45:11,160 --> 00:45:15,600 Speaker 2: would just encourage anybody in a grief state to reach 770 00:45:15,640 --> 00:45:18,080 Speaker 2: out and find people who that you can feel safe 771 00:45:18,160 --> 00:45:19,239 Speaker 2: being yourself with. 772 00:45:19,920 --> 00:45:24,319 Speaker 3: People need people, whether we're grieving or not. And I 773 00:45:24,400 --> 00:45:27,000 Speaker 3: find the worst place that we can go by ourselves 774 00:45:27,200 --> 00:45:28,160 Speaker 3: is in our own mind. 775 00:45:29,239 --> 00:45:36,480 Speaker 2: Yeah, amen, the story wild it's brutal. 776 00:45:36,200 --> 00:45:39,040 Speaker 3: It's absolutely brutal. We would never be as hard on 777 00:45:39,160 --> 00:45:41,719 Speaker 3: other people or tell them the thoughts in our head 778 00:45:41,800 --> 00:45:44,279 Speaker 3: that we tell ourselves now. 779 00:45:44,200 --> 00:45:47,960 Speaker 2: Because there's multiple people in there. You know, there's the 780 00:45:48,040 --> 00:45:52,960 Speaker 2: spirit of truth and guidance, and then there's also all 781 00:45:53,000 --> 00:45:54,920 Speaker 2: the other stuff that you bring with you as a 782 00:45:55,000 --> 00:45:57,520 Speaker 2: human and all of your doubts. So sometimes you just 783 00:45:57,560 --> 00:46:00,239 Speaker 2: need to work these things out. And also in the 784 00:46:00,239 --> 00:46:02,520 Speaker 2: book Last Thing too, you know, in terms of tools, 785 00:46:02,600 --> 00:46:05,279 Speaker 2: there are a variety of tools that are mentioned that 786 00:46:05,360 --> 00:46:10,319 Speaker 2: different fathers have used, whether it's grief counseling or EMDR 787 00:46:10,920 --> 00:46:14,880 Speaker 2: or other types of physical work kinetic work. But not 788 00:46:15,000 --> 00:46:17,360 Speaker 2: everything is going to be the same for every person. 789 00:46:17,480 --> 00:46:21,200 Speaker 2: So I definitely believe in connecting with other people. But 790 00:46:21,280 --> 00:46:24,320 Speaker 2: I also think that there are therapies, whether it's meditating 791 00:46:24,400 --> 00:46:27,560 Speaker 2: or just getting out for a walk or binaural beats 792 00:46:27,600 --> 00:46:30,480 Speaker 2: which is kind of a type of meditation with an 793 00:46:30,520 --> 00:46:34,280 Speaker 2: auditory influence. There are ways that you can help yourself, 794 00:46:34,360 --> 00:46:36,799 Speaker 2: and there are tools in the book where you might 795 00:46:36,840 --> 00:46:40,000 Speaker 2: find different ways that you haven't thought of before. Again, 796 00:46:40,080 --> 00:46:43,160 Speaker 2: it's all about storytelling. This book is about the stories 797 00:46:43,200 --> 00:46:45,759 Speaker 2: of twenty five dads and how they've made it through 798 00:46:45,920 --> 00:46:49,120 Speaker 2: that initial valley. That we're not all healed. We never 799 00:46:49,160 --> 00:46:52,520 Speaker 2: will be, you know, it never ends, but at least 800 00:46:52,920 --> 00:46:56,680 Speaker 2: we're not where we were that first week, that first 801 00:46:56,680 --> 00:47:00,000 Speaker 2: few days. We're able to find a way to stary, 802 00:47:00,040 --> 00:47:03,480 Speaker 2: wretch and grow and reach out and connect with each 803 00:47:03,520 --> 00:47:05,800 Speaker 2: other and with our child and spirit. 804 00:47:06,520 --> 00:47:09,960 Speaker 3: If somebody's heart is heavy because they're experiencing a lot 805 00:47:09,960 --> 00:47:13,680 Speaker 3: of guilt as a parent, what advice would you give them? 806 00:47:14,040 --> 00:47:18,080 Speaker 2: If you're struggling with guilt, it may be helpful to 807 00:47:18,120 --> 00:47:22,240 Speaker 2: talk to somebody who can give you some professional, objective advice. 808 00:47:23,160 --> 00:47:25,319 Speaker 2: And it may be somebody that is not in your 809 00:47:25,760 --> 00:47:28,720 Speaker 2: friendship circle. You may need to have a grief counselor 810 00:47:28,800 --> 00:47:31,640 Speaker 2: or somebody just listen and try to give you some 811 00:47:32,800 --> 00:47:36,759 Speaker 2: sense of perspective, because I think grief a lot of 812 00:47:36,760 --> 00:47:39,240 Speaker 2: it is just about your own perspective and you're putting 813 00:47:39,360 --> 00:47:43,439 Speaker 2: too much importance on what you did or didn't do. 814 00:47:44,000 --> 00:47:49,759 Speaker 2: So sometimes an objective, professional, compassionate person can give you 815 00:47:49,880 --> 00:47:54,040 Speaker 2: that sense of reality that you did everything you could, 816 00:47:54,160 --> 00:47:57,200 Speaker 2: and that is one of the messages that we tend 817 00:47:57,239 --> 00:47:59,279 Speaker 2: to get from our children on the other side. And 818 00:47:59,320 --> 00:48:03,239 Speaker 2: I'm not talking about just Sean, many many of the 819 00:48:03,320 --> 00:48:06,880 Speaker 2: other dads and parents. That seems to be a theme 820 00:48:06,920 --> 00:48:09,400 Speaker 2: that is very consistent as our parents want us to 821 00:48:09,440 --> 00:48:12,799 Speaker 2: know that you did everything you could and they want 822 00:48:12,880 --> 00:48:15,719 Speaker 2: us to feel at peace. But if you've got a 823 00:48:15,760 --> 00:48:20,640 Speaker 2: really strong response, the guilt response, that can be very toxic. 824 00:48:21,360 --> 00:48:25,520 Speaker 2: So I would encourage talking to somebody. And medium readings 825 00:48:25,520 --> 00:48:28,279 Speaker 2: for me have also been very helpful. I've heard other 826 00:48:28,560 --> 00:48:31,080 Speaker 2: people say it's like a worth a year of therapy. 827 00:48:31,320 --> 00:48:34,640 Speaker 2: Just having a good medium reading can be so healing. 828 00:48:35,160 --> 00:48:37,239 Speaker 2: When you feel like you've connected with that child and 829 00:48:37,280 --> 00:48:40,680 Speaker 2: that child has reassured you that this is the plan, 830 00:48:41,160 --> 00:48:43,759 Speaker 2: this was the way it was supposed to happen, and 831 00:48:43,840 --> 00:48:44,440 Speaker 2: I'm alive. 832 00:48:44,800 --> 00:48:46,840 Speaker 3: I'm going to see you again. A while of the 833 00:48:46,920 --> 00:48:50,960 Speaker 3: kids are helping others. There's some unbelievably wonderful stories I've 834 00:48:51,000 --> 00:48:54,320 Speaker 3: heard from parents and the kids continue to make a difference. 835 00:48:54,560 --> 00:48:57,880 Speaker 2: Yeah, and there's other resources and even the conference that 836 00:48:57,960 --> 00:48:59,880 Speaker 2: they do every two years wonderful. 837 00:49:01,239 --> 00:49:01,439 Speaker 1: Yeah. 838 00:49:01,440 --> 00:49:04,960 Speaker 2: I would explore the website Helpingparents Heal dot org. If 839 00:49:04,960 --> 00:49:08,880 Speaker 2: you're in that place, educate yourself and then reach out 840 00:49:08,960 --> 00:49:10,080 Speaker 2: to somebody who can help you. 841 00:49:10,600 --> 00:49:12,759 Speaker 3: And there's so much more on their website. Even like 842 00:49:12,800 --> 00:49:15,320 Speaker 3: I said, if you're not a parent or a sibling, 843 00:49:16,080 --> 00:49:20,240 Speaker 3: you can see their YouTube channel and there's so many 844 00:49:20,360 --> 00:49:25,920 Speaker 3: videos between mediums and experts and grief and afterlife. 845 00:49:25,960 --> 00:49:29,160 Speaker 2: It's the and caring listeners. There's a list of people 846 00:49:29,160 --> 00:49:31,839 Speaker 2: who are just other parents who you can call. You know, 847 00:49:31,920 --> 00:49:35,359 Speaker 2: we're not professionals. We are caring listeners and you can 848 00:49:35,440 --> 00:49:36,480 Speaker 2: call us anytime. 849 00:49:37,160 --> 00:49:40,439 Speaker 3: Oh wonderful. Well, Chris, thank you so much for being 850 00:49:40,480 --> 00:49:41,840 Speaker 3: our guest here today. 851 00:49:42,400 --> 00:49:46,239 Speaker 2: Thank you. I appreciate it. It's been fun. Thanks it 852 00:49:46,360 --> 00:49:49,400 Speaker 2: has It's always fun to talk about Sean and I 853 00:49:49,600 --> 00:49:53,640 Speaker 2: celebrate his life. You know, I don't let that one 854 00:49:54,160 --> 00:49:58,960 Speaker 2: thing define my life anymore. We're his, So thank you 855 00:49:59,040 --> 00:50:00,920 Speaker 2: for allowing me to to share that story. 856 00:50:01,520 --> 00:50:05,640 Speaker 3: And thank you Chris. That's Chris Ryan who compiled the 857 00:50:05,640 --> 00:50:10,760 Speaker 3: book Helping Fathers Heal, Grief, Hope, and our Search for Connection. 858 00:50:11,320 --> 00:50:15,000 Speaker 3: Chris can be reached through his professional website, which is 859 00:50:15,200 --> 00:50:21,680 Speaker 3: Chrisryanvideo dot com, but more importantly, go to Helping Parents 860 00:50:22,040 --> 00:50:26,200 Speaker 3: Heal dot org. You can click on the affiliate page. 861 00:50:26,719 --> 00:50:30,879 Speaker 3: If you're a dad and there's Helping Fathers Heal. There's 862 00:50:30,920 --> 00:50:36,640 Speaker 3: also Helping Siblings Heal. I encourage any parent to join 863 00:50:36,840 --> 00:50:40,799 Speaker 3: Helping Parents Heal. It's free. It's the one organization that 864 00:50:40,960 --> 00:50:45,040 Speaker 3: I know that not only gives grief support, but they 865 00:50:45,080 --> 00:50:49,399 Speaker 3: believe in the afterlife. They are my favorite organization, and 866 00:50:49,560 --> 00:50:54,520 Speaker 3: as Chris said, they're well over twenty thousand members. So 867 00:50:54,760 --> 00:50:57,800 Speaker 3: a shout out to all of our friends at Helping 868 00:50:58,280 --> 00:51:03,160 Speaker 3: Parents Heal dot org. I was discussing with Frenzy yesterday 869 00:51:03,840 --> 00:51:06,520 Speaker 3: how important it is to feel that connection with our 870 00:51:06,600 --> 00:51:09,400 Speaker 3: loved one. And even though you may not want to 871 00:51:09,440 --> 00:51:14,400 Speaker 3: be a medium, I always suggest taking a course in mediumship. 872 00:51:14,840 --> 00:51:18,439 Speaker 3: You learn just what those subtle feelings are and how 873 00:51:18,520 --> 00:51:24,040 Speaker 3: our soul communicates and perceives information. We practice on each 874 00:51:24,080 --> 00:51:28,719 Speaker 3: other in these zoom medium classes, and for less than 875 00:51:28,880 --> 00:51:33,839 Speaker 3: one medium reading you get six two hour sessions and 876 00:51:33,920 --> 00:51:37,640 Speaker 3: who comes through from the other side. It's your loved ones. 877 00:51:38,160 --> 00:51:41,360 Speaker 3: And what a marvelous feeling it is as a human 878 00:51:41,800 --> 00:51:46,440 Speaker 3: to deliver a message and evidence for someone else. You 879 00:51:46,520 --> 00:51:51,000 Speaker 3: think it's your imagination, but it's not. These classes are 880 00:51:51,120 --> 00:51:54,920 Speaker 3: so special. We always have classes coming up, but we 881 00:51:54,960 --> 00:51:58,719 Speaker 3: don't die dot com. They're recorded. If you can't join 882 00:51:58,840 --> 00:52:02,439 Speaker 3: live there's a money back guarantee. But your loved ones 883 00:52:02,480 --> 00:52:05,560 Speaker 3: come through in such subtle manners. When you hear a 884 00:52:05,600 --> 00:52:09,040 Speaker 3: favorite song out of the blue or memory comes in, 885 00:52:09,320 --> 00:52:12,959 Speaker 3: that is them and for you to get involved with them, 886 00:52:13,600 --> 00:52:16,479 Speaker 3: just take a walk down memory lane and they will 887 00:52:16,520 --> 00:52:20,600 Speaker 3: start to give other feelings and memories and that's a 888 00:52:20,680 --> 00:52:24,480 Speaker 3: sign to connect. So with that, my friend, our time 889 00:52:24,600 --> 00:52:27,480 Speaker 3: today has come to an end. But I thank you 890 00:52:28,000 --> 00:52:30,920 Speaker 3: really from the bottom of my heart for listening to 891 00:52:31,520 --> 00:52:35,279 Speaker 3: Shades of the Afterlife on the iHeartRadio and Coast to 892 00:52:35,360 --> 00:52:38,960 Speaker 3: Coast am Paranormal Podcast Network. 893 00:52:41,040 --> 00:52:43,560 Speaker 1: Thanks for listening to the iHeartRadio and Coast to Ghost 894 00:52:43,600 --> 00:52:46,600 Speaker 1: Day and Paranormal Podcast Network. Make sure and check out 895 00:52:46,640 --> 00:52:49,879 Speaker 1: all our shows on the iHeartRadio app or by going 896 00:52:49,920 --> 00:52:56,000 Speaker 1: to iHeartRadio dot com.