1
00:00:00,160 --> 00:00:54,240
Speaker 1: Welcome. You are now listening to.

2
00:00:35,720 --> 00:00:38,960
Speaker 2: It's Your Girl Ebeney from the Professional Homegirl podcast, the

3
00:00:39,000 --> 00:00:41,920
Speaker 2: only place where you would hear interviews from women of

4
00:00:41,960 --> 00:00:45,479
Speaker 2: color anonymously on stories that would enlighten and expand on

5
00:00:45,600 --> 00:00:49,000
Speaker 2: taboo topics. Now, if you hear someone that sounds familiar,

6
00:00:49,320 --> 00:00:52,239
Speaker 2: mind the business that pays you child. Please support the

7
00:00:52,280 --> 00:00:55,240
Speaker 2: show by leaving a five star review by some merch

8
00:00:55,640 --> 00:00:58,760
Speaker 2: or simply share these stories with your professional homegirls. You

9
00:00:58,880 --> 00:01:03,279
Speaker 2: never know these storylines can be someone else's lifeline. Now,

10
00:01:03,280 --> 00:01:05,800
Speaker 2: please keep in mind that all of my guests are anonymous.

11
00:01:05,920 --> 00:01:09,520
Speaker 2: So let's begin this week's episode. It has been four

12
00:01:09,600 --> 00:01:12,560
Speaker 2: years since I spoke to my guests from episode thirty eight.

13
00:01:12,800 --> 00:01:15,880
Speaker 2: I am a correctional officer at Rikers Island, and she

14
00:01:16,080 --> 00:01:17,840
Speaker 2: is back to share her thoughts on one of the

15
00:01:17,959 --> 00:01:21,560
Speaker 2: largest epidemics in our country, gun balance, and how it

16
00:01:21,600 --> 00:01:24,000
Speaker 2: affected her and her family. So to my guests, how

17
00:01:24,000 --> 00:01:24,559
Speaker 2: are you doing?

18
00:01:25,319 --> 00:01:29,800
Speaker 3: I'm good? In yourself, I'm good, I'm good. Good.

19
00:01:30,280 --> 00:01:31,399
Speaker 2: Your skin looking good?

20
00:01:32,000 --> 00:01:32,880
Speaker 3: Oh? Thank you?

21
00:01:34,880 --> 00:01:36,800
Speaker 2: I see the hair on points she got her hair

22
00:01:36,840 --> 00:01:37,400
Speaker 2: wrapped up.

23
00:01:37,880 --> 00:01:41,120
Speaker 3: Yeah yeah, yeah, Sunday mommy mode.

24
00:01:41,480 --> 00:01:44,680
Speaker 2: Okay, So let's do an update for the listeners because

25
00:01:44,760 --> 00:01:48,000
Speaker 2: your episode has been in the top ten since it dropped.

26
00:01:48,440 --> 00:01:50,680
Speaker 2: Where were your thoughts on our first conversation.

27
00:01:52,000 --> 00:01:55,880
Speaker 3: I think that it was amazing. It gave me an

28
00:01:55,880 --> 00:02:03,600
Speaker 3: opportunity to give an insight I think to my world

29
00:02:03,680 --> 00:02:06,800
Speaker 3: as a correction officer at the time, as a female

30
00:02:06,880 --> 00:02:09,560
Speaker 3: correction officer, and I think it was just a little

31
00:02:09,560 --> 00:02:14,360
Speaker 3: bit it helped people to answer some questions about some

32
00:02:14,480 --> 00:02:17,120
Speaker 3: things that go on behind the gate is what we say,

33
00:02:17,800 --> 00:02:21,679
Speaker 3: and give an insight. And I think that I live

34
00:02:21,720 --> 00:02:24,440
Speaker 3: in both worlds, meaning that I am of the world.

35
00:02:24,480 --> 00:02:27,600
Speaker 3: I live in the same community that I service, and

36
00:02:27,680 --> 00:02:31,760
Speaker 3: so I understand some of the issues that people may

37
00:02:31,840 --> 00:02:36,160
Speaker 3: have with the you know, jail system and Rikers Allen

38
00:02:36,320 --> 00:02:39,720
Speaker 3: specifically and things of that sort. So I hope that

39
00:02:39,800 --> 00:02:42,840
Speaker 3: I was able to, you know, give a little insight

40
00:02:43,160 --> 00:02:47,240
Speaker 3: and answer some questions maybe or just hear some things

41
00:02:47,240 --> 00:02:49,840
Speaker 3: that were that people didn't know about. So I loved it.

42
00:02:50,000 --> 00:02:52,600
Speaker 3: I loved it. I got great responses from it, so

43
00:02:52,680 --> 00:02:53,480
Speaker 3: it was good for me.

44
00:02:54,160 --> 00:02:56,400
Speaker 2: Now, hands down, that was one of my favorite entities.

45
00:02:56,600 --> 00:02:58,959
Speaker 2: I was like, okay, okay, come on now, I feel

46
00:02:59,000 --> 00:02:59,960
Speaker 2: like I was on my Oprah.

47
00:03:02,360 --> 00:03:04,520
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, jail is one of those type of things

48
00:03:04,560 --> 00:03:08,200
Speaker 3: where you could have so many questions. Unfortunately, I think

49
00:03:08,240 --> 00:03:10,720
Speaker 3: I may have said in an episode, and if I didn't,

50
00:03:10,760 --> 00:03:13,120
Speaker 3: it's just one of them type of things that you

51
00:03:13,480 --> 00:03:18,440
Speaker 3: really don't know unless you, unfortunately are in may detainee

52
00:03:18,560 --> 00:03:21,720
Speaker 3: or an officer, you really don't understand. We could have

53
00:03:21,720 --> 00:03:23,560
Speaker 3: talked for hours, girl, I'm sure I would have been

54
00:03:23,560 --> 00:03:26,840
Speaker 3: able to answer a whole bunch of different questions from

55
00:03:26,840 --> 00:03:32,200
Speaker 3: different directions. It's it's almost fascinating, and it's sad that

56
00:03:32,400 --> 00:03:35,920
Speaker 3: we have a system because of the things that you know,

57
00:03:36,560 --> 00:03:41,080
Speaker 3: we experience in this world. It's crazy, but it's also fascinating.

58
00:03:41,160 --> 00:03:44,920
Speaker 3: I think of, you know, the operations of jail and

59
00:03:44,320 --> 00:03:47,800
Speaker 3: the system and the law and how things intertwine and

60
00:03:47,800 --> 00:03:51,600
Speaker 3: interchange and work together and work apart too, right, and

61
00:03:51,680 --> 00:03:55,520
Speaker 3: so it's just different. It's fascinating. I literally used to

62
00:03:55,560 --> 00:03:58,880
Speaker 3: write about jail when I was in college, so yeah.

63
00:03:58,560 --> 00:04:03,160
Speaker 2: Oh wow, a full circle. And I also receive a

64
00:04:03,160 --> 00:04:05,680
Speaker 2: lot of feedback about your episode, and most of the

65
00:04:05,720 --> 00:04:08,720
Speaker 2: feedback were good because a lot of people that responded

66
00:04:08,760 --> 00:04:11,320
Speaker 2: back to me were CEOs and they feel like you

67
00:04:11,360 --> 00:04:14,240
Speaker 2: did a great job of explaining what the daily operation

68
00:04:14,400 --> 00:04:17,080
Speaker 2: is as being a CEO. But I also got some

69
00:04:17,120 --> 00:04:19,159
Speaker 2: feedback from some other people who felt like he was

70
00:04:19,200 --> 00:04:20,679
Speaker 2: glorifying being a CEO.

71
00:04:21,520 --> 00:04:25,039
Speaker 3: Right, yeah, I mean that's going to happen, especially if

72
00:04:25,440 --> 00:04:29,600
Speaker 3: people have the unfortunate. First of all, I'm glad because

73
00:04:29,880 --> 00:04:32,800
Speaker 3: you know, when we go to describing anything that we do,

74
00:04:32,920 --> 00:04:36,440
Speaker 3: especially career wise, especially when we're tasked with such a

75
00:04:37,120 --> 00:04:42,360
Speaker 3: great responsibility. It's a great responsibility to be a correction officer,

76
00:04:42,480 --> 00:04:45,839
Speaker 3: especially if you have the right mind and heart of

77
00:04:45,920 --> 00:04:48,520
Speaker 3: what you're doing. Right, It's a great responsibility to make

78
00:04:48,560 --> 00:04:52,160
Speaker 3: sure that people are safe and to not be judgmental.

79
00:04:52,279 --> 00:04:54,560
Speaker 3: That's not what we're there for, and those things. So

80
00:04:54,880 --> 00:04:57,800
Speaker 3: for those officers who did listen and think that I

81
00:04:57,880 --> 00:05:00,719
Speaker 3: did do a great job, I'm very happy because that

82
00:05:00,920 --> 00:05:05,920
Speaker 3: was my goal. Andy in part, right, we get that right,

83
00:05:05,960 --> 00:05:08,800
Speaker 3: the public opinion is not so nice when it comes

84
00:05:08,800 --> 00:05:13,680
Speaker 3: to law enforcement rule. And then to have an experience, right, So,

85
00:05:14,120 --> 00:05:18,360
Speaker 3: as an NYPD officer, let's say that walks the street

86
00:05:19,560 --> 00:05:22,520
Speaker 3: a lot of the times our opinions we get it wrong.

87
00:05:23,200 --> 00:05:26,000
Speaker 3: Still too right, we take one or two or ten

88
00:05:26,160 --> 00:05:29,000
Speaker 3: situations that they post on the news, or maybe an

89
00:05:29,040 --> 00:05:31,520
Speaker 3: experience that we have in our community, and we kind

90
00:05:31,520 --> 00:05:34,080
Speaker 3: of make it a blanket thing that this is exactly

91
00:05:34,120 --> 00:05:39,360
Speaker 3: how offices do their job right, which is not fair.

92
00:05:39,400 --> 00:05:43,880
Speaker 3: Because we see a bad receptionist is not the way

93
00:05:44,000 --> 00:05:46,719
Speaker 3: or receptionists are. Right. We see a bad person at

94
00:05:46,800 --> 00:05:49,400
Speaker 3: Starbucks that has a bad attitude, is not the way

95
00:05:49,480 --> 00:05:55,839
Speaker 3: all baristas are. So the public opinion of correction offices,

96
00:05:55,880 --> 00:06:00,000
Speaker 3: I'm not surprised are is not. It's really never really nice,

97
00:06:00,240 --> 00:06:03,800
Speaker 3: you know, and especially because you can't see it and

98
00:06:04,200 --> 00:06:06,599
Speaker 3: you don't really know it, like I said, unless you

99
00:06:06,680 --> 00:06:10,480
Speaker 3: experience it. And then if you have the unfortunate situation

100
00:06:10,560 --> 00:06:12,760
Speaker 3: where where one of your loved ones may have been

101
00:06:12,760 --> 00:06:15,640
Speaker 3: an inmate or a detaining right that most of the

102
00:06:15,680 --> 00:06:18,560
Speaker 3: time they're not coming out like yeah, jail was and

103
00:06:18,760 --> 00:06:23,560
Speaker 3: every officer was create right the times they're explaining back

104
00:06:23,920 --> 00:06:27,880
Speaker 3: to their family members or their people that love them

105
00:06:28,080 --> 00:06:31,200
Speaker 3: about things that are not so nice, or even if

106
00:06:31,200 --> 00:06:34,919
Speaker 3: they're come they come to visit on Rikers Island, sometimes

107
00:06:34,960 --> 00:06:41,599
Speaker 3: a lot of the times they have unpleasant you had experiences,

108
00:06:41,640 --> 00:06:45,960
Speaker 3: so and it's not that they're wrong, right. I'm not

109
00:06:45,960 --> 00:06:48,719
Speaker 3: going to say here and say that all correctional officers

110
00:06:49,120 --> 00:06:54,000
Speaker 3: are great. No, people have bad days, people have bad intentions.

111
00:06:54,360 --> 00:06:56,800
Speaker 3: People sometimes don't do the right thing with the job,

112
00:06:56,960 --> 00:06:59,640
Speaker 3: you know what I'm saying, like a lot, but there

113
00:06:59,640 --> 00:07:01,920
Speaker 3: are some awesome ones, you know. And I think that

114
00:07:01,960 --> 00:07:05,120
Speaker 3: I came in with the mind state, Like I said that,

115
00:07:05,160 --> 00:07:07,200
Speaker 3: I'm not going to judge. I'm here to do a job.

116
00:07:07,680 --> 00:07:09,880
Speaker 3: They're going to get everything they're supposed to have. I'm

117
00:07:09,920 --> 00:07:12,560
Speaker 3: not going to give them nothing that they're not supposed

118
00:07:12,600 --> 00:07:15,080
Speaker 3: to have. And you know, I want to be proud

119
00:07:15,320 --> 00:07:17,080
Speaker 3: about the job that I do. And then people say,

120
00:07:17,120 --> 00:07:19,960
Speaker 3: how can you be proud you're keeping us locked up?

121
00:07:20,040 --> 00:07:23,600
Speaker 3: And you are No, I'm like no. And I think

122
00:07:23,600 --> 00:07:27,480
Speaker 3: I talked about that in the first episode about how

123
00:07:27,960 --> 00:07:32,680
Speaker 3: the system right. I think we talk about collief and

124
00:07:33,160 --> 00:07:37,720
Speaker 3: how before it got to Rykers Island and highlighting Rykers Islen,

125
00:07:37,800 --> 00:07:41,000
Speaker 3: but we skipped a whole bunch of steps in that story.

126
00:07:41,200 --> 00:07:43,880
Speaker 3: They talked about it a little bit, how the law

127
00:07:44,000 --> 00:07:46,880
Speaker 3: and the justice system they did him wrong and so

128
00:07:49,040 --> 00:07:52,640
Speaker 3: him and so yeah, you know, we get the backlash.

129
00:07:52,680 --> 00:07:55,080
Speaker 3: How could you be proud about, you know, keeping out

130
00:07:55,080 --> 00:08:00,000
Speaker 3: black and brown people locked up? And that's not the case.

131
00:08:00,000 --> 00:08:02,760
Speaker 3: It's a job. It's a job, and you know, we

132
00:08:02,960 --> 00:08:06,880
Speaker 3: just hope that most of the population of correction officers

133
00:08:06,920 --> 00:08:10,000
Speaker 3: come in with the right idea to do their job

134
00:08:10,120 --> 00:08:13,280
Speaker 3: to the best ability. So I'm not surprised that people

135
00:08:13,360 --> 00:08:17,920
Speaker 3: weren't so happy. I thought you was gonna say some

136
00:08:18,000 --> 00:08:21,240
Speaker 3: correction officers wasn't happy, because you know, I talk from

137
00:08:21,240 --> 00:08:23,120
Speaker 3: an honest place and from what I've seen and what

138
00:08:23,200 --> 00:08:25,520
Speaker 3: my experiences. I think I talked a little bit about

139
00:08:25,760 --> 00:08:27,880
Speaker 3: how being a female, because that's what it was. It

140
00:08:27,920 --> 00:08:32,559
Speaker 3: was about a female correction officer specifically, and I think

141
00:08:32,600 --> 00:08:35,480
Speaker 3: I talked about how I've seen some female officers where

142
00:08:35,520 --> 00:08:38,600
Speaker 3: they get a little hard, you know, and they forget

143
00:08:38,640 --> 00:08:40,640
Speaker 3: And it wasn't a shot. It was what I seen

144
00:08:40,679 --> 00:08:43,040
Speaker 3: and what I experienced, and I was talking about more

145
00:08:43,080 --> 00:08:46,000
Speaker 3: so to myself, and how I tried to keep myself

146
00:08:46,040 --> 00:08:48,560
Speaker 3: as feminine as possible and not kind of go into

147
00:08:48,600 --> 00:08:51,520
Speaker 3: that world and mentally, how you have to be prepared

148
00:08:51,559 --> 00:08:54,320
Speaker 3: and how I it took time because people come in

149
00:08:54,360 --> 00:08:57,920
Speaker 3: at twenty one years old. It's so many Like I said,

150
00:08:57,920 --> 00:09:00,679
Speaker 3: I think that job is fascinated because it's so many facets,

151
00:09:00,920 --> 00:09:04,720
Speaker 3: so many layers, so many before we get sometimes to

152
00:09:04,840 --> 00:09:07,880
Speaker 3: even an end result. You know what I mean, one

153
00:09:07,960 --> 00:09:11,000
Speaker 3: years old to do this big job. This is a

154
00:09:11,040 --> 00:09:14,800
Speaker 3: big job. You understand what I'm saying. And sometimes it

155
00:09:14,880 --> 00:09:16,920
Speaker 3: takes a little bit of time before they catch their

156
00:09:16,960 --> 00:09:20,280
Speaker 3: groove and they really learn how to do the job right.

157
00:09:20,360 --> 00:09:23,520
Speaker 3: And unfortunately, we're working with human beings, right, We're not

158
00:09:23,600 --> 00:09:27,280
Speaker 3: working with peboos on a daggle on package or something

159
00:09:27,360 --> 00:09:30,720
Speaker 3: where you when you mess up, it's really affecting somebody's life.

160
00:09:30,720 --> 00:09:33,120
Speaker 3: But sometimes it doesn't come from a bad place. Sometimes

161
00:09:33,160 --> 00:09:35,800
Speaker 3: it comes from just not knowing and learning how to

162
00:09:36,200 --> 00:09:38,080
Speaker 3: kind of do your thing the way you need to

163
00:09:38,120 --> 00:09:40,680
Speaker 3: do it. It's like it's just so much to that job.

164
00:09:40,760 --> 00:09:44,600
Speaker 3: Like I'm retiring now and I miss it sometimes. Of

165
00:09:44,600 --> 00:09:47,680
Speaker 3: course you miss the people that you even that you like,

166
00:09:47,760 --> 00:09:49,800
Speaker 3: but you miss it. I missed the Rick or Moreau

167
00:09:49,840 --> 00:09:52,120
Speaker 3: of it, Conda. You know, I have a full life,

168
00:09:52,600 --> 00:09:55,520
Speaker 3: but I miss kind of like this is the person

169
00:09:55,559 --> 00:09:57,960
Speaker 3: I am like kind of figuring things out every day

170
00:09:58,040 --> 00:10:02,640
Speaker 3: is not the same and that kind of the fascination

171
00:10:02,760 --> 00:10:04,160
Speaker 3: of it I kind of missed some time.

172
00:10:04,679 --> 00:10:07,880
Speaker 2: Yeah, I also feel like you probably miss it too,

173
00:10:07,920 --> 00:10:10,080
Speaker 2: because you actually enjoy your job, but you did it

174
00:10:10,120 --> 00:10:10,839
Speaker 2: with integrity.

175
00:10:11,920 --> 00:10:15,040
Speaker 3: Maybe thank you, Yes, maybe that's I did enjoy my job.

176
00:10:15,400 --> 00:10:16,400
Speaker 3: I did, I did.

177
00:10:16,520 --> 00:10:18,120
Speaker 2: I think I don't thing there's anything wrong with that,

178
00:10:18,160 --> 00:10:19,640
Speaker 2: because you're supposed to enjoy your job.

179
00:10:20,160 --> 00:10:23,520
Speaker 3: I think so too. I think so too. I used

180
00:10:23,559 --> 00:10:26,440
Speaker 3: to tell people that, like, oh I can't stand, Oh

181
00:10:26,480 --> 00:10:28,000
Speaker 3: I can't. And I used to be like that you

182
00:10:28,040 --> 00:10:30,800
Speaker 3: should leave, like this should be a thing where it's

183
00:10:30,800 --> 00:10:33,679
Speaker 3: a choice. I know the money is good, but your sanity,

184
00:10:33,800 --> 00:10:36,840
Speaker 3: your mental health, things are those those are so and

185
00:10:36,880 --> 00:10:38,880
Speaker 3: you could you never know what God has in store,

186
00:10:39,040 --> 00:10:40,480
Speaker 3: you know what I mean, if this is not the

187
00:10:40,520 --> 00:10:42,760
Speaker 3: place for you, if that's what. But I didn't feel

188
00:10:42,840 --> 00:10:44,360
Speaker 3: like that. I think I said that. I think I

189
00:10:44,400 --> 00:10:47,680
Speaker 3: said God intended me to do that job. He really,

190
00:10:48,360 --> 00:10:51,080
Speaker 3: you know. It's like I said, it's so many layers,

191
00:10:51,080 --> 00:10:52,680
Speaker 3: and we were, like I said, we could have a whole

192
00:10:52,800 --> 00:10:56,000
Speaker 3: two three continue. You could get other people to come in.

193
00:10:56,040 --> 00:11:00,199
Speaker 3: I would love to hear other officer's opinion, because much

194
00:11:00,240 --> 00:11:02,320
Speaker 3: to that job. You know, they joke about it, but

195
00:11:02,360 --> 00:11:05,679
Speaker 3: we are really more than correction officers. I hate when

196
00:11:05,679 --> 00:11:10,719
Speaker 3: they say a hot aid babysitters. It's like, are you crazy?

197
00:11:10,880 --> 00:11:16,760
Speaker 3: I've hugged murderers because they're human and they hurt when

198
00:11:16,800 --> 00:11:19,280
Speaker 3: they get life. And what am I going to do

199
00:11:19,440 --> 00:11:23,760
Speaker 3: when they like, ugh, you know or you know, maybe

200
00:11:23,800 --> 00:11:27,880
Speaker 3: not literally hug them. Girl, I'm stretching, but like, listen,

201
00:11:28,000 --> 00:11:33,160
Speaker 3: sat there and listened to some Yeah I've sat there like, yeah,

202
00:11:33,200 --> 00:11:35,600
Speaker 3: I did this, I got life. And they don't realize

203
00:11:35,640 --> 00:11:38,760
Speaker 3: young boys fifteen years old killing on these streets and

204
00:11:39,160 --> 00:11:42,160
Speaker 3: you know, running in gangs. And I've been a mother

205
00:11:42,360 --> 00:11:46,200
Speaker 3: to miss you know, people who have don't have a

206
00:11:46,240 --> 00:11:48,319
Speaker 3: mother figure in their life. I've been a listener here.

207
00:11:48,559 --> 00:11:52,160
Speaker 3: I've been a disciplinarian. I've been a psycho analyst. Like

208
00:11:52,320 --> 00:11:55,760
Speaker 3: I've done everything on this job. Like really it's a

209
00:11:55,880 --> 00:11:59,680
Speaker 3: fast when I tell you, it's a fascinating, fascinating, fascinating

210
00:11:59,800 --> 00:12:02,400
Speaker 3: jo to me, it really really is. It's like one

211
00:12:02,440 --> 00:12:04,600
Speaker 3: of a kind. I look back now and be like,

212
00:12:05,160 --> 00:12:07,560
Speaker 3: I can't believe I did that job. I really cannot.

213
00:12:08,040 --> 00:12:10,600
Speaker 3: And I was like my mid twenties and sometimes I

214
00:12:10,760 --> 00:12:16,640
Speaker 3: say that I had a young lady that she's very

215
00:12:16,840 --> 00:12:20,000
Speaker 3: uh you know, she's doing well in life. She's about

216
00:12:20,000 --> 00:12:24,720
Speaker 3: twenty something years old, she's doing very well. She's a photographer.

217
00:12:25,800 --> 00:12:30,559
Speaker 3: But I used to be like her counselor. And I

218
00:12:30,640 --> 00:12:32,360
Speaker 3: ran into her on the street and we got to

219
00:12:32,440 --> 00:12:34,559
Speaker 3: talk in and I was just giving her advice about

220
00:12:34,559 --> 00:12:37,040
Speaker 3: some stuff that she's struggling with with life, and she

221
00:12:37,240 --> 00:12:40,559
Speaker 3: was like, you know what, you have always been that

222
00:12:40,640 --> 00:12:45,480
Speaker 3: for me, Like I remember just being like, damg, she

223
00:12:45,559 --> 00:12:48,439
Speaker 3: got she has it together. And when I get older,

224
00:12:48,720 --> 00:12:52,080
Speaker 3: like this is the focus, Like how do I get

225
00:12:52,120 --> 00:12:53,959
Speaker 3: to feel like that even if I don't take the

226
00:12:54,000 --> 00:12:57,000
Speaker 3: same path. And I only mentioned that to say I

227
00:12:57,160 --> 00:13:00,440
Speaker 3: looked at her, I was like, I was twenty two

228
00:13:00,559 --> 00:13:03,240
Speaker 3: years what advice was I giving you for life? Like?

229
00:13:03,840 --> 00:13:05,720
Speaker 3: And I feel like that about this job like I

230
00:13:05,840 --> 00:13:09,679
Speaker 3: was twenty four, twenty five something like that, Like how

231
00:13:09,720 --> 00:13:14,400
Speaker 3: did I figure out how to command a a area

232
00:13:14,600 --> 00:13:18,280
Speaker 3: of one hundred men and tell them what they're men? Like?

233
00:13:18,480 --> 00:13:21,080
Speaker 3: Men they're not like some of them might have been

234
00:13:21,080 --> 00:13:24,040
Speaker 3: fifty something years old, and I'm telling them what they're

235
00:13:24,080 --> 00:13:26,520
Speaker 3: going to do and what they can't do. And you know,

236
00:13:26,720 --> 00:13:29,440
Speaker 3: so you look back and be like, damn, I really

237
00:13:29,480 --> 00:13:34,280
Speaker 3: did that. Wow, you know what I'm saying. I did

238
00:13:34,320 --> 00:13:40,200
Speaker 3: it for almost seventeen years, Like this is crazy, you know. So, yeah, it's.

239
00:13:42,679 --> 00:13:45,840
Speaker 2: After doing some research it was stated that nearly every

240
00:13:45,880 --> 00:13:48,920
Speaker 2: American would know at least one victim of gun balance

241
00:13:48,960 --> 00:13:51,840
Speaker 2: in our lifetime. Have you ever been affected by gun

242
00:13:51,920 --> 00:13:52,640
Speaker 2: balance before?

243
00:13:54,640 --> 00:14:01,640
Speaker 3: Right? So no, not until recently. It's like you reading

244
00:14:01,760 --> 00:14:06,360
Speaker 3: that saying that everyone, how what is the percentage?

245
00:14:07,440 --> 00:14:10,320
Speaker 2: I don't have the percentage, but it says that one

246
00:14:10,360 --> 00:14:14,240
Speaker 2: out of four was so really everyone, every American will

247
00:14:14,320 --> 00:14:15,280
Speaker 2: know at least one.

248
00:14:15,160 --> 00:14:22,240
Speaker 3: Victim, right And so yeah, no, not until recently did

249
00:14:22,240 --> 00:14:26,520
Speaker 3: I know a victim that was so close to home.

250
00:14:26,720 --> 00:14:29,520
Speaker 3: And I think that makes a difference, right, So it's

251
00:14:29,600 --> 00:14:32,960
Speaker 3: unfortunate that you know, I'm the type of person if

252
00:14:33,000 --> 00:14:35,480
Speaker 3: I hear about something, either personally or on the news,

253
00:14:35,640 --> 00:14:39,000
Speaker 3: especially if it's you know, just tragic, that you're just like,

254
00:14:39,120 --> 00:14:45,280
Speaker 3: oh my god, right, you right. But to experience as

255
00:14:45,480 --> 00:14:49,960
Speaker 3: close to home as I did, I literally the part

256
00:14:50,000 --> 00:14:53,440
Speaker 3: that gave me chilled was I literally I don't know why,

257
00:14:54,040 --> 00:14:57,520
Speaker 3: and there's nothing so special about me, right that I

258
00:14:57,560 --> 00:15:00,240
Speaker 3: thought that I never woulded to have this experience, so

259
00:15:00,240 --> 00:15:05,600
Speaker 3: that I have ever, never, ever, especially in this way,

260
00:15:06,120 --> 00:15:08,920
Speaker 3: never ever. Mm hmmm.

261
00:15:09,360 --> 00:15:15,600
Speaker 2: Where were your thoughts on gun violence before this happened?

262
00:15:15,840 --> 00:15:22,800
Speaker 3: My thoughts on gun violence was maybe because I feel

263
00:15:22,840 --> 00:15:27,040
Speaker 3: like I'm a straight least human being, an American. So

264
00:15:27,160 --> 00:15:30,480
Speaker 3: I think on that side of the line, meaning that

265
00:15:32,080 --> 00:15:36,960
Speaker 3: I am the person that's like, uh, why don't they

266
00:15:38,040 --> 00:15:42,160
Speaker 3: have it to where you have to be investigated more?

267
00:15:42,520 --> 00:15:46,040
Speaker 3: Why isn't it more difficult? Why don't people have to

268
00:15:48,280 --> 00:15:51,280
Speaker 3: you know, do like an annual thing, even for people

269
00:15:51,280 --> 00:15:55,520
Speaker 3: that have licenses to carry guns? Right, especially because being

270
00:15:55,520 --> 00:16:01,920
Speaker 3: in law enforcement, you know, once you doing the training annually, right,

271
00:16:02,000 --> 00:16:05,920
Speaker 3: and we're carrying personal protection firearms, and and you get

272
00:16:05,920 --> 00:16:08,880
Speaker 3: more educated that's what it is, right, you start to go,

273
00:16:08,960 --> 00:16:12,400
Speaker 3: why why isn't the whole America like this? You know

274
00:16:12,560 --> 00:16:14,760
Speaker 3: what what does this come from? So I've always had

275
00:16:14,960 --> 00:16:20,680
Speaker 3: that enough mind frame. Now in the last two months,

276
00:16:21,240 --> 00:16:26,800
Speaker 3: I have the mind frame of the stopping first effective

277
00:16:27,280 --> 00:16:30,080
Speaker 3: do we what do we do with that? Like do

278
00:16:30,160 --> 00:16:33,080
Speaker 3: we bring that completely all the way back? And if

279
00:16:33,160 --> 00:16:37,479
Speaker 3: we do, how do we police the police? Right? But

280
00:16:37,480 --> 00:16:41,600
Speaker 3: but is it effective to get illegal firearms off the street?

281
00:16:43,280 --> 00:16:46,280
Speaker 3: Just just a bunch of questions on in my own

282
00:16:46,400 --> 00:16:50,480
Speaker 3: head now on how to fix the problems right, and

283
00:16:50,520 --> 00:16:54,120
Speaker 3: it kind of it kind of doesn't make me feel funny,

284
00:16:54,600 --> 00:16:58,720
Speaker 3: but it kind of I questioned myself, right, like, this

285
00:16:58,880 --> 00:17:03,920
Speaker 3: is important and not until it gets so close to

286
00:17:04,000 --> 00:17:10,560
Speaker 3: home does it become more important to you. And that

287
00:17:10,560 --> 00:17:13,320
Speaker 3: that that that kind of kind of made me feel

288
00:17:13,320 --> 00:17:17,119
Speaker 3: a little bit guilty, to be honest, And I feel

289
00:17:17,160 --> 00:17:21,720
Speaker 3: like now I want to be in the marches right now.

290
00:17:21,800 --> 00:17:23,840
Speaker 3: I want to wear the T shirts and I want

291
00:17:23,840 --> 00:17:27,320
Speaker 3: to join the organization. And I kind of got down,

292
00:17:27,440 --> 00:17:30,240
Speaker 3: I got a gout on myself and was like, you

293
00:17:30,280 --> 00:17:33,640
Speaker 3: know what, this was affecting somebody else and black and

294
00:17:33,680 --> 00:17:37,000
Speaker 3: brown people for a long time, and you should have

295
00:17:37,080 --> 00:17:40,600
Speaker 3: been standing up and you should have been having an opinion,

296
00:17:40,640 --> 00:17:42,679
Speaker 3: and you should have been trying to get some things

297
00:17:42,680 --> 00:17:45,480
Speaker 3: out here changed and some of these laws and some

298
00:17:45,520 --> 00:17:48,600
Speaker 3: of the effectiveness in your own community. So I will

299
00:17:48,640 --> 00:17:53,840
Speaker 3: say that that, you know, I'm more aware, I'm more interested,

300
00:17:54,160 --> 00:17:58,000
Speaker 3: I'm doing more research, I'm you know, talking to my

301
00:17:58,119 --> 00:18:02,960
Speaker 3: children more about gun violence ever since you know, my

302
00:18:03,040 --> 00:18:07,840
Speaker 3: husband was murdered, you know. So, Yeah, it's it makes

303
00:18:07,880 --> 00:18:10,640
Speaker 3: you look at things differently, right, It makes you learn

304
00:18:10,720 --> 00:18:14,879
Speaker 3: laws differently, It makes you just pay attention differently. Yeah. So,

305
00:18:14,920 --> 00:18:19,600
Speaker 3: but I always had an opinion about firearms in general.

306
00:18:21,160 --> 00:18:21,960
Speaker 3: I don't like them.

307
00:18:22,200 --> 00:18:23,920
Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't like them either. I don't want them

308
00:18:23,960 --> 00:18:25,760
Speaker 2: near me. I don't want to see one like.

309
00:18:26,560 --> 00:18:31,080
Speaker 3: Right, even with being educated, you know, as being a

310
00:18:31,160 --> 00:18:34,000
Speaker 3: law enforcement, I could break a fire arm all the

311
00:18:34,040 --> 00:18:37,280
Speaker 3: way down to the coyls to clean it and put

312
00:18:37,280 --> 00:18:42,680
Speaker 3: it back together. Still not comfortable. Still like, but yeah,

313
00:18:42,720 --> 00:18:49,360
Speaker 3: we just need some stiffer laws and some precautions. I don't,

314
00:18:49,400 --> 00:18:51,120
Speaker 3: I think before we even get to the law park

315
00:18:51,160 --> 00:18:53,919
Speaker 3: because when we talk about gun violence, I don't know

316
00:18:53,960 --> 00:18:56,520
Speaker 3: the statistics on it. And that's the thing. Let me

317
00:18:56,560 --> 00:18:59,080
Speaker 3: say that first that I love about your podcast. I

318
00:18:59,200 --> 00:19:05,680
Speaker 3: was very every not nervous, but just feeling like at

319
00:19:05,760 --> 00:19:08,560
Speaker 3: first that I needed to have all of these statistics

320
00:19:08,640 --> 00:19:10,840
Speaker 3: and all of these numbers and all of this stuff

321
00:19:10,840 --> 00:19:15,439
Speaker 3: about gun violence so that I can have an intelligent conversation.

322
00:19:15,920 --> 00:19:18,680
Speaker 3: But the thing about your podcast is that not that

323
00:19:18,680 --> 00:19:21,119
Speaker 3: that's not important, especially when we're talking about such a

324
00:19:21,160 --> 00:19:26,959
Speaker 3: serious subject, but I think that people want to listen

325
00:19:27,000 --> 00:19:30,280
Speaker 3: to the real of how someone feels that's affected, and

326
00:19:30,320 --> 00:19:32,919
Speaker 3: that's what your podcast does, right, We talk from a

327
00:19:33,000 --> 00:19:40,360
Speaker 3: very honest place. Somebody might not hear that the you know,

328
00:19:40,640 --> 00:19:45,040
Speaker 3: gun violence has gone up in New York City in

329
00:19:45,119 --> 00:19:50,560
Speaker 3: November December and January thirteen percent. That made mean nothing

330
00:19:50,600 --> 00:19:53,640
Speaker 3: to them, but it might something to them for them

331
00:19:53,680 --> 00:19:56,400
Speaker 3: to hear me say, I have a thirteen year old

332
00:19:56,400 --> 00:20:01,520
Speaker 3: son who father was murdered on his lunch break in

333
00:20:01,560 --> 00:20:05,280
Speaker 3: the same communities like you know, like he was murdered

334
00:20:05,320 --> 00:20:08,119
Speaker 3: than queens were from Harlem. But still, you know what

335
00:20:08,160 --> 00:20:13,760
Speaker 3: I mean, two days Christmas by somebody who had an

336
00:20:13,800 --> 00:20:16,280
Speaker 3: illegal gun. He was on his lunch break. He was

337
00:20:16,320 --> 00:20:20,479
Speaker 3: a worker, he was a great person, a great dad.

338
00:20:20,280 --> 00:20:24,720
Speaker 3: He wasn't deserving of that. I think that makes more

339
00:20:24,800 --> 00:20:29,720
Speaker 3: sense to somebody than numbers and statistics, you understand, And

340
00:20:29,800 --> 00:20:34,040
Speaker 3: so I can feel comfortable, thank you coming on your

341
00:20:34,080 --> 00:20:37,600
Speaker 3: perform and just talking from an honest place. And if

342
00:20:37,640 --> 00:20:41,199
Speaker 3: I don't know all the numbers, it doesn't change my

343
00:20:41,359 --> 00:20:44,720
Speaker 3: heart and what I think about this topic, how I'm

344
00:20:44,720 --> 00:20:49,639
Speaker 3: affected personally via how my children are affected personally by it.

345
00:20:49,800 --> 00:20:52,639
Speaker 3: So I'm sorry to anybody that I listen to this

346
00:20:52,720 --> 00:20:54,920
Speaker 3: that I don't have all the statistics for New York City,

347
00:20:54,960 --> 00:20:59,640
Speaker 3: but I do have the one that matters and right

348
00:20:59,680 --> 00:21:02,520
Speaker 3: now for me is that my my husband was murdered.

349
00:21:03,040 --> 00:21:05,199
Speaker 3: You know what I'm saying two months ago. I have

350
00:21:05,240 --> 00:21:08,840
Speaker 3: a thirteen year old. That's highly and by somebody who

351
00:21:08,920 --> 00:21:13,720
Speaker 3: has a criminal record, somebody who has been in and

352
00:21:13,800 --> 00:21:17,679
Speaker 3: out the jail system, somebody who if laws was just

353
00:21:18,119 --> 00:21:24,560
Speaker 3: different and we didn't have things like bell reform and relax,

354
00:21:24,720 --> 00:21:29,320
Speaker 3: Like New York City is like, uh, what's the what's

355
00:21:29,320 --> 00:21:33,160
Speaker 3: the word? I'm looking for? Evan the you know, it's

356
00:21:33,200 --> 00:21:37,960
Speaker 3: a uh I always say this. I can't. I can't.

357
00:21:38,760 --> 00:21:43,080
Speaker 3: It's like not loose, but you know, it's it's it's

358
00:21:43,080 --> 00:21:46,120
Speaker 3: more for the people. It's like, oh, I.

359
00:21:46,080 --> 00:21:49,959
Speaker 2: Know, what's what you're talking about. Oh, I know exactly.

360
00:21:50,040 --> 00:21:50,440
Speaker 1: A child.

361
00:21:50,440 --> 00:21:52,480
Speaker 2: I'm about to start googling. I know exactly what you mean.

362
00:21:52,680 --> 00:21:56,840
Speaker 2: Like New York is for like, it's not it's what's

363
00:21:56,880 --> 00:22:00,359
Speaker 2: the word is? It's I can't but I say this

364
00:22:00,440 --> 00:22:03,320
Speaker 2: all but New York is with the people.

365
00:22:03,880 --> 00:22:07,159
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's more for the people. And it is great.

366
00:22:07,480 --> 00:22:08,880
Speaker 2: It's a lot onopoles.

367
00:22:09,359 --> 00:22:12,000
Speaker 3: Yeah, and it's great on some levels that is that way,

368
00:22:12,040 --> 00:22:14,879
Speaker 3: but it's some things that we definitely need to work on.

369
00:22:15,000 --> 00:22:15,320
Speaker 4: We need.

370
00:22:17,000 --> 00:22:20,480
Speaker 3: Yeah, you know, and it's like, you know, this this

371
00:22:20,600 --> 00:22:26,040
Speaker 3: particular person that did this to my husband, and I'm

372
00:22:26,080 --> 00:22:29,600
Speaker 3: sure there's more people who are out there like that

373
00:22:29,760 --> 00:22:33,040
Speaker 3: they they go in and out of the system, they

374
00:22:33,119 --> 00:22:36,639
Speaker 3: learn the loopholes and just maybe if laws was a

375
00:22:36,640 --> 00:22:40,200
Speaker 3: little bit stiffer, they wouldn't be able to be out

376
00:22:40,240 --> 00:22:43,320
Speaker 3: here and commit you know. It's like you see these

377
00:22:43,359 --> 00:22:46,639
Speaker 3: people who commit crimes and it gets worse, and it

378
00:22:46,640 --> 00:22:51,200
Speaker 3: gets worse, and it gets worse, and before a lot

379
00:22:51,200 --> 00:22:55,240
Speaker 3: of these reforms and these changing of laws and stuff

380
00:22:55,280 --> 00:22:58,640
Speaker 3: like that, you know, they would kind of catch themselves

381
00:22:58,840 --> 00:23:04,080
Speaker 3: up in the system right now, like oh, I could

382
00:23:05,119 --> 00:23:07,080
Speaker 3: you know, rob a clothing store and I'm out on

383
00:23:07,160 --> 00:23:13,840
Speaker 3: bail before twenty four hours, right, you know. So it

384
00:23:13,880 --> 00:23:16,679
Speaker 3: is gun violence has a lot to do with a

385
00:23:16,720 --> 00:23:18,960
Speaker 3: lot of things to me, is what I'm trying to say.

386
00:23:19,280 --> 00:23:22,080
Speaker 3: It's about different laws that need to be changed. It's

387
00:23:22,119 --> 00:23:25,679
Speaker 3: about the way that we police in our community. And

388
00:23:25,720 --> 00:23:28,600
Speaker 3: I say the way because I don't know exactly what

389
00:23:28,720 --> 00:23:30,280
Speaker 3: needs to be done, Like I said, is it a

390
00:23:30,359 --> 00:23:32,760
Speaker 3: stopping first type of thing and the police the police?

391
00:23:33,280 --> 00:23:36,119
Speaker 3: Is it a I don't know, being more aware of

392
00:23:36,119 --> 00:23:40,440
Speaker 3: being more present in the community so that people could

393
00:23:40,480 --> 00:23:45,080
Speaker 3: feel comfortable with Like I don't want to use the

394
00:23:45,119 --> 00:23:48,240
Speaker 3: word snitches, but you know what I'm saying, Like, uh,

395
00:23:48,560 --> 00:23:54,080
Speaker 3: why yeah, I have this in our community, you know,

396
00:23:54,280 --> 00:23:56,320
Speaker 3: working hand in hand with the police. Is there is

397
00:23:56,359 --> 00:24:00,440
Speaker 3: there such a thing? Have we completely lost that, especially

398
00:24:00,440 --> 00:24:02,800
Speaker 3: in New York City, you know what I'm saying, Like

399
00:24:03,280 --> 00:24:05,680
Speaker 3: there has to be something we have to get back

400
00:24:05,720 --> 00:24:09,200
Speaker 3: to it. Does doesn't it feel like we like we

401
00:24:09,320 --> 00:24:12,360
Speaker 3: living in like western times or something like it's going backwards.

402
00:24:12,400 --> 00:24:16,160
Speaker 3: It's like the wild wild West out here is pretty

403
00:24:16,240 --> 00:24:23,119
Speaker 3: things that's happening, and you don't feel like that the

404
00:24:23,160 --> 00:24:25,960
Speaker 3: criminals are being held accountable. Like I don't know how

405
00:24:25,960 --> 00:24:30,520
Speaker 3: else to say it intelligently, it seems like they get

406
00:24:30,520 --> 00:24:32,480
Speaker 3: away with a whole lot.

407
00:24:37,040 --> 00:24:40,800
Speaker 2: I do feel like there needs to be a better

408
00:24:41,080 --> 00:24:43,480
Speaker 2: It has to be a better relationship between law enforcement

409
00:24:43,520 --> 00:24:46,320
Speaker 2: and the community because at this point there is no relationship.

410
00:24:46,640 --> 00:24:49,560
Speaker 2: And I think that because we have seen so much

411
00:24:49,560 --> 00:24:53,359
Speaker 2: and experienced so much, it makes it very difficult to

412
00:24:53,520 --> 00:24:56,400
Speaker 2: trust those they're supposed to protect us.

413
00:24:56,400 --> 00:25:00,159
Speaker 3: Right, and which is mm hmm. It's like we in

414
00:25:00,200 --> 00:25:03,760
Speaker 3: the world a visual world, right and so oh no,

415
00:25:04,080 --> 00:25:06,040
Speaker 3: you can't see it, right, And we even have the

416
00:25:06,200 --> 00:25:08,520
Speaker 3: social media and the camera phones and stuff like that.

417
00:25:08,800 --> 00:25:14,440
Speaker 3: Like I said, but we have to figure out how

418
00:25:14,480 --> 00:25:20,520
Speaker 3: to make a relationship with back with law enforcement and

419
00:25:20,720 --> 00:25:25,520
Speaker 3: the communities that they serve, because if we don't, then

420
00:25:25,600 --> 00:25:32,520
Speaker 3: what like, it's a lack of respect both ways, lack

421
00:25:32,560 --> 00:25:36,560
Speaker 3: of knowledge, it's a lack of trust.

422
00:25:36,240 --> 00:25:36,359
Speaker 1: You know.

423
00:25:37,040 --> 00:25:39,600
Speaker 3: And to talk for law enforcement officers, a lot of

424
00:25:39,640 --> 00:25:44,240
Speaker 3: law enforcement officers are afraid and they're reacting very wrong.

425
00:25:45,000 --> 00:25:46,840
Speaker 3: It's a whole bunch of stuff you could talk about.

426
00:25:46,840 --> 00:25:49,560
Speaker 3: You can talk about the training, a bunch of stuff,

427
00:25:49,680 --> 00:25:54,080
Speaker 3: but we have to figure it out right else then

428
00:25:54,240 --> 00:25:59,159
Speaker 3: what like the Bard door is open right now and

429
00:25:59,240 --> 00:26:03,360
Speaker 3: we have to get this door closed back in Oh,

430
00:26:03,680 --> 00:26:07,800
Speaker 3: what is going to happen out here? Like it's so scared.

431
00:26:08,200 --> 00:26:11,359
Speaker 3: You know, I have, like I said, my youngest son

432
00:26:12,040 --> 00:26:14,640
Speaker 3: and thirteen, and I have a twenty eight year old son,

433
00:26:14,840 --> 00:26:17,480
Speaker 3: I have even my daughter. You know what I mean?

434
00:26:17,760 --> 00:26:22,920
Speaker 3: You have all of these not just New York City,

435
00:26:22,920 --> 00:26:25,280
Speaker 3: I know. Is that's what pertains to me. But even

436
00:26:25,760 --> 00:26:30,360
Speaker 3: with these gun laws, even for people who get them legally,

437
00:26:30,560 --> 00:26:35,000
Speaker 3: like these assault rifles on these campuses, these shootings, and.

438
00:26:35,359 --> 00:26:36,719
Speaker 2: Now they have the bost guns.

439
00:26:37,960 --> 00:26:38,480
Speaker 3: Huh.

440
00:26:38,560 --> 00:26:39,960
Speaker 2: Now they have the ghost guns.

441
00:26:40,440 --> 00:26:45,040
Speaker 3: Yes, the ghost guns. I was reading about that. I'm

442
00:26:45,080 --> 00:26:50,720
Speaker 3: telling you I've done so much just random research ever

443
00:26:50,760 --> 00:26:54,560
Speaker 3: since in the last two months, ever since you know,

444
00:26:54,600 --> 00:26:57,159
Speaker 3: we've been going through what we've been going through. I

445
00:26:57,200 --> 00:27:02,320
Speaker 3: didn't even know, and I didn't even know about ghost guns.

446
00:27:02,720 --> 00:27:06,679
Speaker 3: I didn't what they were. I did, I had no clue.

447
00:27:06,800 --> 00:27:10,560
Speaker 3: I'm literally one of those people that just walking out here.

448
00:27:11,119 --> 00:27:14,800
Speaker 3: That's just like, of course I'm aware more so than

449
00:27:14,840 --> 00:27:19,800
Speaker 3: the average person of crime and things that go on

450
00:27:19,960 --> 00:27:23,720
Speaker 3: in the world. But I was really walking out here, Evan,

451
00:27:23,760 --> 00:27:26,320
Speaker 3: they like one of those people that just wasn't affected

452
00:27:26,760 --> 00:27:28,679
Speaker 3: by the things that we're talking about right now. So

453
00:27:28,720 --> 00:27:31,520
Speaker 3: I just was like, listen, if I'm just you know,

454
00:27:31,600 --> 00:27:35,720
Speaker 3: a good person and I take good kids and what

455
00:27:35,840 --> 00:27:39,480
Speaker 3: I gotta do, then yeah, this is the like no, right, But.

456
00:27:39,800 --> 00:27:42,159
Speaker 2: You mentioned earlier that you felt guilty. But is it

457
00:27:42,200 --> 00:27:45,280
Speaker 2: feeling guilty or is it just a reminder that it

458
00:27:45,320 --> 00:27:46,840
Speaker 2: could happen to any one of us.

459
00:27:48,680 --> 00:27:51,040
Speaker 3: This is a reminder that it can happen to any

460
00:27:51,080 --> 00:27:55,960
Speaker 3: one of us. But I just felt guilty because I

461
00:27:55,960 --> 00:27:57,760
Speaker 3: think one of the biggest things that I felt guilty

462
00:27:57,840 --> 00:28:00,080
Speaker 3: about is because one of my one of my my

463
00:28:00,200 --> 00:28:03,439
Speaker 3: famous things that I always say is somebody has to

464
00:28:03,480 --> 00:28:07,760
Speaker 3: be Rosa Parks. Somebody has to be the first to

465
00:28:07,800 --> 00:28:10,919
Speaker 3: take a stand in any type of situation where you

466
00:28:10,960 --> 00:28:15,320
Speaker 3: want change, And that's the most scariest position to have, right.

467
00:28:15,520 --> 00:28:18,639
Speaker 3: It's the first to say this is wrong or we

468
00:28:18,680 --> 00:28:23,040
Speaker 3: need to do something about this. Right. But I have

469
00:28:23,200 --> 00:28:26,920
Speaker 3: led my life that even when somebody was Rosa parks

470
00:28:27,520 --> 00:28:32,040
Speaker 3: that I was afraid to join in the fight or

471
00:28:32,400 --> 00:28:35,960
Speaker 3: just didn't think that. I shouldn't say afraid. I didn't

472
00:28:36,040 --> 00:28:41,920
Speaker 3: think that my one body would map. But one body

473
00:28:41,960 --> 00:28:45,400
Speaker 3: makes two, makes twenty, makes one hundred, makes five hundred,

474
00:28:45,480 --> 00:28:50,640
Speaker 3: makes five thousand, makes a movement. And I always was.

475
00:28:51,000 --> 00:28:53,720
Speaker 3: And not that I wasn't affected, not that I'm I'm

476
00:28:53,760 --> 00:28:57,360
Speaker 3: talking about the things that has happened right in recent times,

477
00:28:58,520 --> 00:29:03,240
Speaker 3: George Floyd moments, the Black Lives Matter moments. Right, I'm

478
00:29:03,280 --> 00:29:08,760
Speaker 3: being honest, fully transparent. Never joined one of those marches

479
00:29:09,480 --> 00:29:11,920
Speaker 3: or anything like that, not that I don't think that

480
00:29:11,920 --> 00:29:16,680
Speaker 3: it was a horrible situation. Samika D. Mallory is one

481
00:29:16,760 --> 00:29:22,400
Speaker 3: of my favorite favorite voices of our time. I love

482
00:29:22,640 --> 00:29:26,240
Speaker 3: her work. I love the way she just moves and

483
00:29:26,280 --> 00:29:30,040
Speaker 3: the way she does right. She doesn't come off like

484
00:29:30,080 --> 00:29:32,520
Speaker 3: she is running for no office. She come off like

485
00:29:32,960 --> 00:29:36,200
Speaker 3: I'm Rosa parks for the people never joined, none of

486
00:29:36,200 --> 00:29:40,640
Speaker 3: her stuff. And that's what comes from because if I

487
00:29:40,720 --> 00:29:45,240
Speaker 3: go to start of March in remembrance of my ex

488
00:29:45,320 --> 00:29:50,720
Speaker 3: husband who was you know, gunned down, whatever the case

489
00:29:50,720 --> 00:29:53,360
Speaker 3: may be, I would want somebody to stand with me

490
00:29:53,800 --> 00:29:56,360
Speaker 3: and ten people and twenty people in five hundred and

491
00:29:56,400 --> 00:30:00,120
Speaker 3: five thousand and I just have never been that to

492
00:30:00,200 --> 00:30:04,680
Speaker 3: any movement because I wasn't directly affected, and that's not

493
00:30:04,800 --> 00:30:08,680
Speaker 3: what we should do. You understand and see that I'm

494
00:30:08,760 --> 00:30:12,240
Speaker 3: only getting that because it has happened to me, because

495
00:30:12,280 --> 00:30:16,080
Speaker 3: it could happen to anybody. You know what I'm saying, Like, Yeah,

496
00:30:16,200 --> 00:30:20,520
Speaker 3: this is my big girl moment, this is my this

497
00:30:20,600 --> 00:30:22,840
Speaker 3: is my test, you know what I'm saying. And it's

498
00:30:22,880 --> 00:30:26,400
Speaker 3: the only thing that keeps me saying because I know

499
00:30:27,920 --> 00:30:29,720
Speaker 3: at the end of test there has to be a

500
00:30:29,760 --> 00:30:33,800
Speaker 3: test alone, Like it has to be something that this

501
00:30:34,080 --> 00:30:35,920
Speaker 3: is part of that. This is a start. And to

502
00:30:36,000 --> 00:30:38,959
Speaker 3: think about it is I have a big mouth. I

503
00:30:39,000 --> 00:30:41,120
Speaker 3: talk a lot about a lot of things, you know

504
00:30:41,120 --> 00:30:43,880
Speaker 3: what I'm saying, Like, so that's what the guilt come

505
00:30:43,920 --> 00:30:46,000
Speaker 3: in too, Like I feel like I could have been effective.

506
00:30:46,080 --> 00:30:48,440
Speaker 3: I feel like I could have started a march or

507
00:30:48,440 --> 00:30:51,880
Speaker 3: a talk or a whatever, a fundraiser or this or that,

508
00:30:52,400 --> 00:30:55,160
Speaker 3: and so that you beat yourself up about, you know

509
00:30:55,200 --> 00:31:01,880
Speaker 3: what I mean, Like I even I even I even

510
00:31:02,120 --> 00:31:06,800
Speaker 3: contemplate in doing this because I'm like, yeah, I've had

511
00:31:06,840 --> 00:31:10,880
Speaker 3: this situation that happened to me two months ago, But

512
00:31:11,040 --> 00:31:13,360
Speaker 3: who wants to hear from me? Like? Who cares about

513
00:31:13,360 --> 00:31:16,440
Speaker 3: how I feel about gun violence? Who cares about even

514
00:31:16,440 --> 00:31:19,080
Speaker 3: though I think I'm the perfect person, not only because

515
00:31:19,080 --> 00:31:22,720
Speaker 3: of the situation, because I was law enforcement. I live

516
00:31:22,760 --> 00:31:28,120
Speaker 3: in the same community that most of the people clientele

517
00:31:28,400 --> 00:31:32,800
Speaker 3: unfortunately you want to call them, come from. I've experienced

518
00:31:32,840 --> 00:31:36,200
Speaker 3: a lot of stuff, but I just was like, is

519
00:31:36,240 --> 00:31:39,200
Speaker 3: it right for me to talk about it, because now,

520
00:31:40,480 --> 00:31:43,960
Speaker 3: maybe it's somebody that was who has been a champion

521
00:31:44,680 --> 00:31:47,800
Speaker 3: for gun violence, you know what I'm saying, and bell

522
00:31:47,920 --> 00:31:50,400
Speaker 3: reform and things that are maybe they're a better guessed

523
00:31:50,440 --> 00:31:54,320
Speaker 3: you know what I'm saying, But no, because I am

524
00:31:54,360 --> 00:31:58,400
Speaker 3: in it now. Came from a place of my experience now,

525
00:31:58,480 --> 00:32:00,120
Speaker 3: So yeah.

526
00:32:00,040 --> 00:32:04,360
Speaker 2: I'm thankful for you for sharing your story because a

527
00:32:04,400 --> 00:32:07,200
Speaker 2: couple of months ago, one of my best friend's boyfriend

528
00:32:07,240 --> 00:32:11,320
Speaker 2: was killed, so I was telling her about your story

529
00:32:12,000 --> 00:32:14,160
Speaker 2: and she's like looking forward to her because I feel

530
00:32:14,200 --> 00:32:15,720
Speaker 2: like a lot of times when people are going through

531
00:32:15,760 --> 00:32:18,520
Speaker 2: certain things, even though you have all the support and love,

532
00:32:18,640 --> 00:32:20,600
Speaker 2: is very hard for people for you to feel like

533
00:32:20,600 --> 00:32:22,800
Speaker 2: people relate to you unless they've been through the same

534
00:32:22,920 --> 00:32:26,640
Speaker 2: exact thing. And grief has been doing a number on

535
00:32:26,720 --> 00:32:28,360
Speaker 2: her as I'm pretty sure it has been doing a

536
00:32:28,440 --> 00:32:31,600
Speaker 2: number on you. And I feel like your story a

537
00:32:31,680 --> 00:32:33,760
Speaker 2: lot of people, unfortunately are going to be able to

538
00:32:33,800 --> 00:32:34,400
Speaker 2: relate to it.

539
00:32:35,040 --> 00:32:41,760
Speaker 3: Yeah, and so yes, grief, you know, we follow each

540
00:32:41,800 --> 00:32:46,040
Speaker 3: other on social media, and so I.

541
00:32:45,960 --> 00:32:48,920
Speaker 2: Can tell what you're going through it. I'm like, yeah,

542
00:32:48,960 --> 00:32:50,920
Speaker 2: when I see you post, I just see a little

543
00:32:50,960 --> 00:32:52,160
Speaker 2: prayer up for you because I'm like.

544
00:32:52,120 --> 00:32:58,360
Speaker 3: Grief, girl, I didn't even know that there was a

545
00:32:58,440 --> 00:33:04,400
Speaker 3: thing take hold of your body and the way that

546
00:33:04,480 --> 00:33:08,640
Speaker 3: this has or me, I mean physically, I have not

547
00:33:08,760 --> 00:33:11,960
Speaker 3: been well since either day I got the notes, Like physically,

548
00:33:12,160 --> 00:33:16,480
Speaker 3: my body has not done like literally I have not

549
00:33:16,680 --> 00:33:21,240
Speaker 3: felt myself like my heart literally. You understand I said,

550
00:33:21,480 --> 00:33:26,520
Speaker 3: I will never ever if you know my goal, of

551
00:33:26,520 --> 00:33:28,600
Speaker 3: course I want to. I'm still living and so I

552
00:33:28,640 --> 00:33:33,480
Speaker 3: want to be in a full relationship. God forbid anybody

553
00:33:33,520 --> 00:33:36,400
Speaker 3: ever hurts me. I will never use the term heartbroken.

554
00:33:36,640 --> 00:33:39,960
Speaker 3: Oh he broke my heart because the way my heart

555
00:33:40,000 --> 00:33:46,200
Speaker 3: is broken the physical, like literally when you're laying in

556
00:33:46,280 --> 00:33:49,160
Speaker 3: bed and you have to talk yourself out of the

557
00:33:49,320 --> 00:33:51,520
Speaker 3: feeling that you're about to have a stroke or a

558
00:33:51,560 --> 00:33:54,960
Speaker 3: heart attack whatever that feels like physically, like you have

559
00:33:55,080 --> 00:33:59,560
Speaker 3: to talk yourself down in order to just not feel

560
00:33:59,560 --> 00:34:03,560
Speaker 3: like you are to die like this, there's no This

561
00:34:03,680 --> 00:34:06,760
Speaker 3: type of thing is to say, you don't know this.

562
00:34:07,200 --> 00:34:09,759
Speaker 3: Nobody knows this unless they go through it. And it's

563
00:34:09,760 --> 00:34:13,799
Speaker 3: so funny because the people that I know that have

564
00:34:14,160 --> 00:34:18,239
Speaker 3: that have are still because grief is one of those

565
00:34:18,239 --> 00:34:20,319
Speaker 3: type of things where I don't think you get old.

566
00:34:21,040 --> 00:34:25,319
Speaker 3: I didn't learn how to live with it as part

567
00:34:25,400 --> 00:34:25,919
Speaker 3: of your life.

568
00:34:26,120 --> 00:34:29,320
Speaker 2: Yeah, just always say that. Like I lost my grandmother

569
00:34:29,360 --> 00:34:31,200
Speaker 2: seven years ago and she was like a mom to me,

570
00:34:31,680 --> 00:34:33,879
Speaker 2: and I was telling my homegirl, who's going through it now?

571
00:34:33,960 --> 00:34:35,440
Speaker 2: And she was like, how do you get through it? And

572
00:34:35,400 --> 00:34:37,479
Speaker 2: I'm like, honestly, you don't. I said, you just learned

573
00:34:37,480 --> 00:34:40,560
Speaker 2: how with it. I was like some days, I'm like

574
00:34:40,600 --> 00:34:42,760
Speaker 2: it's seven years later and I still cry for my grandmother.

575
00:34:42,840 --> 00:34:45,480
Speaker 2: I was like, you just don't you just go through the.

576
00:34:45,400 --> 00:34:48,879
Speaker 3: Floor with it. Yeah, and I'm nowhere close to give

577
00:34:48,960 --> 00:34:53,600
Speaker 3: anybody Anybody's like, I'm two months do you understand? But yeah,

578
00:34:53,640 --> 00:34:57,680
Speaker 3: you just you just I think that you learn what

579
00:34:57,840 --> 00:35:03,120
Speaker 3: tactics or or what triggers or whatever. Eventually, I'm sure

580
00:35:03,120 --> 00:35:05,919
Speaker 3: I'll get there. But the people that I know who

581
00:35:06,280 --> 00:35:10,320
Speaker 3: I have a friend who son was killed in twenty

582
00:35:10,360 --> 00:35:14,680
Speaker 3: twenty two, and another friend who husband five kids killed

583
00:35:15,160 --> 00:35:19,000
Speaker 3: in twenty twenty two, And those are the people that

584
00:35:19,080 --> 00:35:23,080
Speaker 3: I can't talk to though. That's so it's the people

585
00:35:23,080 --> 00:35:28,160
Speaker 3: who I know know this what this is I can't

586
00:35:28,160 --> 00:35:30,840
Speaker 3: talk to I'm not ready, which is weird because you

587
00:35:30,840 --> 00:35:34,040
Speaker 3: would think that those are the very people that I

588
00:35:34,080 --> 00:35:36,279
Speaker 3: want to but I can't. I don't. I think that

589
00:35:36,400 --> 00:35:39,640
Speaker 3: I feel like because I know the feeling that talking

590
00:35:39,680 --> 00:35:43,080
Speaker 3: to them, I would like feel you understand, like like

591
00:35:43,160 --> 00:35:47,400
Speaker 3: it's different, like I like I feel like my friend

592
00:35:47,440 --> 00:35:49,120
Speaker 3: I just was like, you know, I'm here for you

593
00:35:49,520 --> 00:35:53,759
Speaker 3: when her son got killed, and when she same way

594
00:35:53,800 --> 00:35:56,000
Speaker 3: when she sees me post. She's very good at setting

595
00:35:56,080 --> 00:36:01,000
Speaker 3: me lengthy DMS and saying stuff like you know, I

596
00:36:01,080 --> 00:36:03,640
Speaker 3: understand and this is that and that, and when I

597
00:36:03,680 --> 00:36:07,520
Speaker 3: read her stuff because I know it's coming from this

598
00:36:08,280 --> 00:36:11,399
Speaker 3: that I feel. I'm broken, Like I can't even get

599
00:36:11,440 --> 00:36:14,120
Speaker 3: through her words, so I know talking to her, I'm

600
00:36:14,160 --> 00:36:17,200
Speaker 3: just not at that place. I'm at a place of shutdown, right,

601
00:36:18,000 --> 00:36:23,040
Speaker 3: I don't I don't have a whole lot for the world.

602
00:36:23,080 --> 00:36:25,440
Speaker 3: I'm just figuring out how to function on a every

603
00:36:25,520 --> 00:36:28,160
Speaker 3: day basis. So and I still go out and stuff,

604
00:36:28,160 --> 00:36:33,120
Speaker 3: but I'm I'm numbing. It's like I need to. When

605
00:36:33,160 --> 00:36:35,520
Speaker 3: I say idle is when it hits me. So I

606
00:36:35,560 --> 00:36:39,160
Speaker 3: try to go out, but that's not good because that'll

607
00:36:39,239 --> 00:36:43,279
Speaker 3: find you broke, addicted to alcohol or whatever, you know

608
00:36:43,280 --> 00:36:46,319
Speaker 3: what I'm saying, or just I have to deal. But

609
00:36:46,360 --> 00:36:49,480
Speaker 3: I'm just not ready because it's not real to me yet.

610
00:36:49,840 --> 00:36:51,800
Speaker 3: I don't know if that makes sense. Every Day, like

611
00:36:52,480 --> 00:36:55,120
Speaker 3: you can't believe it if you follow me, You've seen

612
00:36:55,160 --> 00:36:57,399
Speaker 3: me say that, like every day is like groundhog Day.

613
00:36:57,800 --> 00:36:59,719
Speaker 3: It's like the first day I got the nose. Every

614
00:36:59,760 --> 00:37:03,359
Speaker 3: single it's unbelievable to me that it's that way. Like

615
00:37:03,440 --> 00:37:08,160
Speaker 3: I literally talk to myself, like come on now, like today, Yeah,

616
00:37:08,239 --> 00:37:10,960
Speaker 3: it's like groundhall days, Like I'll relive it. Every It's

617
00:37:11,000 --> 00:37:14,719
Speaker 3: like I remind myself every day that he's going every

618
00:37:14,719 --> 00:37:18,480
Speaker 3: single day, dude is not real to me. I've gone

619
00:37:18,480 --> 00:37:20,880
Speaker 3: to call him in the last two months. I've talked

620
00:37:20,880 --> 00:37:26,440
Speaker 3: out loud to him. I've puckered my lips while I'm

621
00:37:26,520 --> 00:37:30,520
Speaker 3: laying down, like I can visualize him coming towards me

622
00:37:30,560 --> 00:37:36,440
Speaker 3: to give me a kiss. I felt him. I've and

623
00:37:36,560 --> 00:37:39,200
Speaker 3: he's he's coming to me, and I don't know what

624
00:37:39,280 --> 00:37:41,959
Speaker 3: it is. And it's like all the things you hear

625
00:37:42,480 --> 00:37:45,919
Speaker 3: that you be like that you can't resonate with. When

626
00:37:45,920 --> 00:37:49,920
Speaker 3: somebody else you listen to it, you're like, Okay, it's

627
00:37:49,960 --> 00:37:52,120
Speaker 3: the stuff that make you think you're going crazy because

628
00:37:52,120 --> 00:37:56,239
Speaker 3: it's just like and it's the trauma of it for me,

629
00:37:56,880 --> 00:37:59,120
Speaker 3: you know what I'm saying, Death in and of itself, right,

630
00:37:59,520 --> 00:38:02,640
Speaker 3: is something that's hard to deal with. But the way

631
00:38:03,200 --> 00:38:08,280
Speaker 3: he left this earth right, the way he was gunned down.

632
00:38:09,239 --> 00:38:12,399
Speaker 3: He was gunned down in the middle of a mall,

633
00:38:12,840 --> 00:38:16,680
Speaker 3: you know what I'm saying, very public. The first notification,

634
00:38:16,800 --> 00:38:19,839
Speaker 3: the first visual thing, because I got the notification over

635
00:38:19,880 --> 00:38:25,840
Speaker 3: the phone. The first visual day, his aunt called me

636
00:38:25,960 --> 00:38:28,879
Speaker 3: she was coming. She was calling me to go identify

637
00:38:28,960 --> 00:38:29,480
Speaker 3: his body.

638
00:38:31,000 --> 00:38:31,560
Speaker 1: Wow.

639
00:38:32,200 --> 00:38:34,600
Speaker 3: And I was on a vacation. I was on a

640
00:38:34,640 --> 00:38:38,960
Speaker 3: cruise and I held it for three days, probably the

641
00:38:38,960 --> 00:38:41,320
Speaker 3: worst three days of my life, before I was able

642
00:38:41,320 --> 00:38:44,560
Speaker 3: to tell my son because we were on a cruise

643
00:38:45,320 --> 00:38:48,319
Speaker 3: and so I didn't think it was best to tell him.

644
00:38:48,320 --> 00:38:51,279
Speaker 3: And then what like we have we you know you

645
00:38:51,320 --> 00:38:54,120
Speaker 3: can't It's not like you could just fly out of it,

646
00:38:54,239 --> 00:38:56,400
Speaker 3: you know what I'm saying, Like, you gotta stay. So

647
00:38:56,520 --> 00:38:59,239
Speaker 3: I didn't tell her for three days. My daughter actually knew,

648
00:38:59,760 --> 00:39:03,719
Speaker 3: and so we would take turns breaking down and distracting him,

649
00:39:03,239 --> 00:39:07,520
Speaker 3: and they called me to go identify everybody. But quickly

650
00:39:07,560 --> 00:39:11,960
Speaker 3: after that, because we live in the world of camera

651
00:39:12,000 --> 00:39:15,719
Speaker 3: phones and everything like that, the very first visual I

652
00:39:15,760 --> 00:39:18,879
Speaker 3: got was him laying on the street, then face down,

653
00:39:19,080 --> 00:39:22,480
Speaker 3: blood coming out of his mouth. It's one of the

654
00:39:22,520 --> 00:39:25,279
Speaker 3: things that when I close my eyes, it's the first

655
00:39:25,320 --> 00:39:25,919
Speaker 3: thing I see.

656
00:39:26,520 --> 00:39:34,120
Speaker 2: Right, Did he know the person? I don't know, because

657
00:39:34,120 --> 00:39:36,520
Speaker 2: the person was very bold to do what he did

658
00:39:36,560 --> 00:39:37,520
Speaker 2: and not have a mask on.

659
00:39:38,080 --> 00:39:39,560
Speaker 3: Girl. Girl.

660
00:39:40,160 --> 00:39:42,040
Speaker 2: Because I was looking at the I was reading the

661
00:39:42,160 --> 00:39:44,759
Speaker 2: articles and I'm like, wow, like you didn't even try

662
00:39:44,760 --> 00:39:45,680
Speaker 2: to conceal your face.

663
00:39:46,040 --> 00:39:50,640
Speaker 3: Girl. It's like the girl I told somebody the other

664
00:39:50,760 --> 00:39:55,160
Speaker 3: day the video is so clear. It's like he told somebody,

665
00:39:55,160 --> 00:39:56,640
Speaker 3: watch what I'm about to do. Shoot this for me

666
00:39:56,680 --> 00:40:00,359
Speaker 3: real quick, because it was like, yeah, I'm not sure

667
00:40:00,400 --> 00:40:03,200
Speaker 3: the video you saw, but he it was. It was

668
00:40:03,280 --> 00:40:08,319
Speaker 3: obviously some type of situation. I'm not going to go

669
00:40:08,360 --> 00:40:11,920
Speaker 3: into detail because I don't know. I really have no idea.

670
00:40:12,719 --> 00:40:14,880
Speaker 3: And the way that the streets work, I've heard ten

671
00:40:14,920 --> 00:40:19,120
Speaker 3: different stories. It changes every time I speak to somebody else.

672
00:40:19,880 --> 00:40:22,759
Speaker 3: But the obviously was some type of situation.

673
00:40:22,440 --> 00:40:25,600
Speaker 2: Because he it seemed personal.

674
00:40:26,160 --> 00:40:30,920
Speaker 3: The guy pulled up and he he took the gun

675
00:40:31,239 --> 00:40:33,960
Speaker 3: from out of the hood of his car. It's on

676
00:40:34,000 --> 00:40:37,160
Speaker 3: a video. He gets out, he pops the hood of

677
00:40:37,200 --> 00:40:39,960
Speaker 3: his car and takes a gun out very not even

678
00:40:40,000 --> 00:40:42,880
Speaker 3: trying to conceal it, like just basically down at his side.

679
00:40:43,160 --> 00:40:47,280
Speaker 3: And like you said, his face wasn't disguised or anything.

680
00:40:47,360 --> 00:40:52,840
Speaker 3: It was twelve sixteen in the afternoon. But yes, so

681
00:40:52,920 --> 00:40:57,200
Speaker 3: it was personal, but personal could look like a bunch

682
00:40:57,280 --> 00:41:00,520
Speaker 3: of things. Like I said, we're from Harlem. He he

683
00:41:00,600 --> 00:41:02,800
Speaker 3: was working in Queens. He had only started working in

684
00:41:02,880 --> 00:41:06,160
Speaker 3: Queens for about a little over a month or maybe

685
00:41:06,200 --> 00:41:10,520
Speaker 3: two months at that time, and you know he worked

686
00:41:10,560 --> 00:41:13,239
Speaker 3: on construction sites, So wherever the construction sites took him,

687
00:41:13,280 --> 00:41:15,560
Speaker 3: which was all of Burrows. Whatever the case may be,

688
00:41:16,080 --> 00:41:19,440
Speaker 3: right that he couldn't have some type of beef within

689
00:41:19,520 --> 00:41:25,880
Speaker 3: that timeframe, but it's so many things that bring you know,

690
00:41:25,960 --> 00:41:29,120
Speaker 3: there's so many different topics. It could have been mental health, right,

691
00:41:29,680 --> 00:41:34,279
Speaker 3: People get bumped nowadays and they take it whatever a

692
00:41:34,400 --> 00:41:39,399
Speaker 3: small argument. Who knows? Who knows? I do know that

693
00:41:41,680 --> 00:41:45,520
Speaker 3: I feel like it couldn't have been anything super serious.

694
00:41:45,800 --> 00:41:48,160
Speaker 3: And the reason why I say that is because or

695
00:41:48,200 --> 00:41:54,399
Speaker 3: at least super serious to my husband, because he came

696
00:41:54,400 --> 00:41:57,359
Speaker 3: from the streets. You understand what I'm saying. If it

697
00:41:57,400 --> 00:41:59,399
Speaker 3: was anything that he needed to be on point when

698
00:41:59,480 --> 00:42:01,960
Speaker 3: he was the king of on point, like head on

699
00:42:02,000 --> 00:42:06,040
Speaker 3: a swivel, you know what I'm saying. So obviously was

700
00:42:06,080 --> 00:42:12,720
Speaker 3: something that he didn't take would results in that even

701
00:42:12,760 --> 00:42:17,880
Speaker 3: close to that? Does that make sense? Right? Have been different.

702
00:42:17,640 --> 00:42:19,520
Speaker 2: Because if you felt like it was a situation, that

703
00:42:19,640 --> 00:42:22,560
Speaker 2: he would have been aware of it and on point

704
00:42:22,600 --> 00:42:26,520
Speaker 2: with it. Right.

705
00:42:28,400 --> 00:42:30,319
Speaker 3: And I'm telling you for you know, I was with

706
00:42:30,440 --> 00:42:37,120
Speaker 3: him for who seventeen years? This is what I know.

707
00:42:37,640 --> 00:42:39,719
Speaker 2: You spoke about him in the last episode when you

708
00:42:39,840 --> 00:42:43,240
Speaker 2: said that he felt like where you say your partner

709
00:42:43,280 --> 00:42:45,960
Speaker 2: felt like that, like the job was affecting your relationship.

710
00:42:45,960 --> 00:42:47,680
Speaker 2: And I'm like, wait, was she talking about him, because

711
00:42:47,760 --> 00:42:48,640
Speaker 2: y'all was on and off.

712
00:42:49,040 --> 00:42:54,160
Speaker 3: Yes, well, yes, yeah, Like I said, he came from

713
00:42:54,200 --> 00:42:56,359
Speaker 3: the streets. Let me say this. I'm not trying to

714
00:42:56,440 --> 00:42:59,000
Speaker 3: act like, oh my god, he was such a good person.

715
00:42:59,000 --> 00:43:01,440
Speaker 3: He was a good person, but he had a pass

716
00:43:01,560 --> 00:43:04,680
Speaker 3: or whatever. But he came from the streets. He was

717
00:43:04,719 --> 00:43:07,920
Speaker 3: incarcerated at one point while he was with me, before

718
00:43:07,960 --> 00:43:09,919
Speaker 3: he was with me when he was younger, and while

719
00:43:09,960 --> 00:43:14,200
Speaker 3: he was with me, And so two different worlds, right,

720
00:43:14,840 --> 00:43:18,360
Speaker 3: living under one roof. When I'm coming home talking about

721
00:43:18,719 --> 00:43:22,120
Speaker 3: how devastated I am because somebody got slashed in their

722
00:43:22,120 --> 00:43:23,839
Speaker 3: face to the point where I could see the back

723
00:43:23,880 --> 00:43:25,840
Speaker 3: of their throat in their teeth, he don't want to

724
00:43:25,840 --> 00:43:29,200
Speaker 3: hear about that shit, Like, all right, I don't want

725
00:43:29,239 --> 00:43:34,000
Speaker 3: to talk about that. Or he he may have been

726
00:43:34,040 --> 00:43:39,120
Speaker 3: in a situation where a correction officer came on posts,

727
00:43:39,120 --> 00:43:41,560
Speaker 3: and you know what I'm saying, like his experience was

728
00:43:41,600 --> 00:43:44,800
Speaker 3: like not of a helpful working correction officer, right, a

729
00:43:44,880 --> 00:43:47,560
Speaker 3: lazy one, let's just say. And so when I'm coming

730
00:43:47,560 --> 00:43:49,880
Speaker 3: home and I'm tired in his head. He likes for

731
00:43:49,920 --> 00:43:51,560
Speaker 3: what because y'all don't do shit like you know what

732
00:43:51,600 --> 00:43:55,520
Speaker 3: I'm saying. I'm like, no, no, no, I work, Yeah,

733
00:43:56,239 --> 00:43:58,759
Speaker 3: I work. I'm doing what I gotta do. And he

734
00:43:58,960 --> 00:44:01,799
Speaker 3: like yeah, and just don't want to hear about that world.

735
00:44:01,880 --> 00:44:05,319
Speaker 3: And it makes a difference. I'm telling you, like I'm

736
00:44:05,320 --> 00:44:08,439
Speaker 3: telling you I've dealt with a correctional officide, I dealt

737
00:44:08,440 --> 00:44:12,520
Speaker 3: with a coworker, and it's very, very different, of course,

738
00:44:12,520 --> 00:44:15,279
Speaker 3: because he understands on a different level, right, even though

739
00:44:15,320 --> 00:44:17,120
Speaker 3: he may not have wanted to talk about that shit

740
00:44:17,160 --> 00:44:20,880
Speaker 3: all day either, but he just understands on a different level.

741
00:44:21,040 --> 00:44:24,920
Speaker 3: So yeah, me and him, it did affect our relationship

742
00:44:25,000 --> 00:44:27,680
Speaker 3: a lot of times, and a lot of stuff about it.

743
00:44:28,160 --> 00:44:31,200
Speaker 3: You think you you know, you got dinner plans and

744
00:44:31,280 --> 00:44:36,760
Speaker 3: now yeah, or you you you It would be times

745
00:44:36,760 --> 00:44:39,520
Speaker 3: when I'm standing waiting for the transportation to get to

746
00:44:39,600 --> 00:44:41,640
Speaker 3: my car in front of the jail and I call

747
00:44:41,760 --> 00:44:43,799
Speaker 3: him like, yeah, I got out, and they come out

748
00:44:43,840 --> 00:44:46,000
Speaker 3: and be like, go put your uniform back on. We

749
00:44:46,040 --> 00:44:49,120
Speaker 3: got a whole we need fil Like that was the reality.

750
00:44:49,480 --> 00:44:53,480
Speaker 3: Yeah you Yeah, we went through a lot of stuff girl,

751
00:44:53,800 --> 00:44:55,920
Speaker 3: and I would put it we was off and on.

752
00:44:55,960 --> 00:45:00,319
Speaker 3: I would put his behind out and be like, I'm

753
00:45:00,320 --> 00:45:02,120
Speaker 3: not mexting with you. No more to that. He would

754
00:45:02,200 --> 00:45:05,919
Speaker 3: literally be like, oh, tomorrow's your last. You probably gonna

755
00:45:05,920 --> 00:45:08,120
Speaker 3: get stuck. You'll be calling me tomorrow. No morey about it.

756
00:45:08,440 --> 00:45:12,239
Speaker 3: I'll be like, you know, like stuff like that I've been.

757
00:45:12,320 --> 00:45:15,919
Speaker 3: I went through everything with that man. When I tell

758
00:45:15,960 --> 00:45:18,920
Speaker 3: you everything, I was twenty something years old. He was

759
00:45:18,960 --> 00:45:21,840
Speaker 3: younger than me. He was barely tory. I think he

760
00:45:21,920 --> 00:45:24,680
Speaker 3: was twenty two twenty three when I got with him.

761
00:45:24,960 --> 00:45:27,799
Speaker 3: I was about twenty six twenty seven something. We ain't

762
00:45:27,840 --> 00:45:31,640
Speaker 3: know nothing we know. I asked for my elbows, seriously,

763
00:45:32,320 --> 00:45:36,399
Speaker 3: everything that I am as a woman, like as far

764
00:45:36,440 --> 00:45:39,000
Speaker 3: as like cooking and cleaning and stuff like that. I

765
00:45:39,080 --> 00:45:42,600
Speaker 3: developed with him my entire life. The way I moved,

766
00:45:42,680 --> 00:45:44,960
Speaker 3: the way I think, the way I set things up.

767
00:45:45,000 --> 00:45:47,319
Speaker 3: It was not when I think because of him. It's

768
00:45:47,320 --> 00:45:51,520
Speaker 3: not him telling me. It's me learning us learning together,

769
00:45:51,640 --> 00:45:55,799
Speaker 3: you know what I'm saying, or him just saying I

770
00:45:55,880 --> 00:45:57,360
Speaker 3: was in the streets a lot of years. Girl, you

771
00:45:57,360 --> 00:46:01,440
Speaker 3: better learn how to cook because I want home cook mail. Yeah,

772
00:46:01,480 --> 00:46:05,600
Speaker 3: like niggas is not trying to come home, you know

773
00:46:05,600 --> 00:46:08,319
Speaker 3: what I'm saying. And so he'd been through some things,

774
00:46:08,320 --> 00:46:10,279
Speaker 3: but he was a good person. He didn't deserve that.

775
00:46:10,560 --> 00:46:15,440
Speaker 3: I know that if like I said, and I don't know, like,

776
00:46:16,080 --> 00:46:21,359
Speaker 3: but whatever the situation was, the type of person he was,

777
00:46:21,560 --> 00:46:23,759
Speaker 3: he wouldn't have did that to that to him, you

778
00:46:23,760 --> 00:46:25,239
Speaker 3: know what I'm saying. He might have. He might have

779
00:46:25,320 --> 00:46:29,160
Speaker 3: beat the bricks off of him where he could heal

780
00:46:29,280 --> 00:46:32,239
Speaker 3: up and live another day to be whatever he is

781
00:46:32,280 --> 00:46:35,520
Speaker 3: to whoever cares about him, a father, a son, or whatever.

782
00:46:36,640 --> 00:46:39,960
Speaker 3: When it did that, that's just not how he moved.

783
00:46:40,200 --> 00:46:43,000
Speaker 3: That's just not who he was. Like, he had some

784
00:46:43,040 --> 00:46:48,280
Speaker 3: type of moral compass in him, right, being a street

785
00:46:48,400 --> 00:46:51,400
Speaker 3: guy or whatever or reform she whatever you want to

786
00:46:51,480 --> 00:46:56,040
Speaker 3: call it. He's still and I mean mean mean, he

787
00:46:56,200 --> 00:46:59,640
Speaker 3: was tough, tough, but he has something in him. This

788
00:46:59,719 --> 00:47:04,480
Speaker 3: is what baby that just would be like, but you

789
00:47:04,560 --> 00:47:07,120
Speaker 3: know what, I'm gonna just punch him in the face

790
00:47:07,200 --> 00:47:10,520
Speaker 3: or whatever. You know, So it hurts you more because

791
00:47:10,719 --> 00:47:11,600
Speaker 3: he wouldn't have did that.

792
00:47:12,480 --> 00:47:16,600
Speaker 2: Why do you think that guns have not been baying yet?

793
00:47:17,320 --> 00:47:23,239
Speaker 3: They don't know how to. I think, I think, I

794
00:47:23,280 --> 00:47:27,440
Speaker 3: think what I really thought, they was going to figure

795
00:47:27,440 --> 00:47:31,400
Speaker 3: this shit out. Is when the two officers that got killed,

796
00:47:31,840 --> 00:47:34,680
Speaker 3: which was literally down the block, literally down the block

797
00:47:34,719 --> 00:47:40,240
Speaker 3: for me, remember I think it was in.

798
00:47:38,840 --> 00:47:40,840
Speaker 2: One Oh wait was it? One of it was a

799
00:47:40,880 --> 00:47:41,719
Speaker 2: Spanish officer and.

800
00:47:42,960 --> 00:47:46,759
Speaker 3: Yeah, young, like twenty two year old or something like that.

801
00:47:46,840 --> 00:47:49,480
Speaker 2: My wife was one of the officer's wife was pregnant

802
00:47:49,560 --> 00:47:50,279
Speaker 2: or something.

803
00:47:50,120 --> 00:47:53,160
Speaker 3: Or like, oh she was pregnant. But I know that

804
00:47:53,400 --> 00:47:57,720
Speaker 3: he one had a wife. Remember about she talked about

805
00:47:57,920 --> 00:48:03,440
Speaker 3: I think they argue, yes, yes, When she said that,

806
00:48:03,520 --> 00:48:08,200
Speaker 3: I was like, oh, Lord, you're talking about guilt and grief. Lord,

807
00:48:08,239 --> 00:48:10,759
Speaker 3: have mercy. And that's another thing with my grief. I

808
00:48:10,760 --> 00:48:13,120
Speaker 3: have a lot of guilt because me and my my

809
00:48:13,200 --> 00:48:15,280
Speaker 3: husband was off and on, you know what I'm saying,

810
00:48:15,480 --> 00:48:19,479
Speaker 3: and the time that he got murdered, we were trying

811
00:48:19,480 --> 00:48:21,480
Speaker 3: to figure things out kind of you know what I'm saying,

812
00:48:22,160 --> 00:48:25,680
Speaker 3: and you go through all of that, you know. But

813
00:48:26,680 --> 00:48:28,440
Speaker 3: I thought back to what I was saying about. I

814
00:48:28,480 --> 00:48:33,600
Speaker 3: thought that Mayor Adams was going to I was like, oh,

815
00:48:33,760 --> 00:48:36,840
Speaker 3: this city city is in a and for rute awaken.

816
00:48:37,840 --> 00:48:40,319
Speaker 3: Then I took killed two because remember it was they

817
00:48:40,400 --> 00:48:42,880
Speaker 3: was responded to a domestic between the son and the

818
00:48:42,960 --> 00:48:49,799
Speaker 3: mother remember actually, and he had one of those I

819
00:48:49,800 --> 00:48:52,040
Speaker 3: think it was a ghost gun like something. When he

820
00:48:52,080 --> 00:48:55,759
Speaker 3: went in the back and floortered these officers and I

821
00:48:55,920 --> 00:48:58,520
Speaker 3: was like, Oh my god, Oh they're gonna get this together.

822
00:48:58,880 --> 00:49:02,680
Speaker 3: And it felt like it was it was and then

823
00:49:02,680 --> 00:49:05,040
Speaker 3: it was It felt like the rats is more important

824
00:49:05,040 --> 00:49:06,879
Speaker 3: than the guns right now, you know what I'm saying,

825
00:49:06,880 --> 00:49:08,759
Speaker 3: which they are a big problem in New York City,

826
00:49:08,800 --> 00:49:14,200
Speaker 3: but I'm just saying it felt like it was a

827
00:49:14,320 --> 00:49:18,160
Speaker 3: highlight on it. I know. For the what he did

828
00:49:18,239 --> 00:49:24,960
Speaker 3: do was that he made in the courts, like the

829
00:49:25,000 --> 00:49:31,680
Speaker 3: different courts he has, uh, the the hearings like for

830
00:49:32,200 --> 00:49:36,319
Speaker 3: gun cases, he expedited. He expedited them. Now, but that

831
00:49:36,800 --> 00:49:41,200
Speaker 3: necessarily mean that's a good thing, you understand, expedite It

832
00:49:41,360 --> 00:49:45,120
Speaker 3: means to me is that we need to show this

833
00:49:45,560 --> 00:49:50,000
Speaker 3: society that we're doing something about this right. That doesn't

834
00:49:50,120 --> 00:49:51,919
Speaker 3: they always get it right. That just means that they're

835
00:49:51,920 --> 00:49:54,480
Speaker 3: trying to get it done fast to get them, say

836
00:49:55,080 --> 00:49:57,480
Speaker 3: people we were able to put behind y'all, That means

837
00:49:57,520 --> 00:50:00,239
Speaker 3: that they're putting more pressures. So that means that at

838
00:50:00,400 --> 00:50:03,040
Speaker 3: some of our brown and black people. And I'm not

839
00:50:03,080 --> 00:50:06,200
Speaker 3: just gonna say men because women used by arms, illegal

840
00:50:06,239 --> 00:50:09,600
Speaker 3: fight arms, so that our black and brown people might

841
00:50:09,680 --> 00:50:14,480
Speaker 3: be forced to take deals that they might not normally take.

842
00:50:14,680 --> 00:50:17,719
Speaker 3: They don't have enough time to think about it. Just

843
00:50:18,000 --> 00:50:20,080
Speaker 3: a lot of stuff, you know what I mean. So

844
00:50:20,719 --> 00:50:22,239
Speaker 3: I just think they don't know how to get a

845
00:50:22,239 --> 00:50:24,840
Speaker 3: handle on it. They just do not know which which

846
00:50:25,760 --> 00:50:30,720
Speaker 3: I mean even being going through what I'm going through. Yeah,

847
00:50:30,880 --> 00:50:33,480
Speaker 3: that's a hard task, right, I mean, like how do

848
00:50:33,560 --> 00:50:38,560
Speaker 3: we stop people? If we took away stopping frisks, what

849
00:50:38,680 --> 00:50:39,279
Speaker 3: do we do?

850
00:50:40,120 --> 00:50:44,759
Speaker 2: So definitely a large part, it's a really big problem, and.

851
00:50:45,800 --> 00:50:48,840
Speaker 3: That was the topic that was a big topic a discussion.

852
00:50:49,160 --> 00:50:53,359
Speaker 3: How it's coming in from south and how do they

853
00:50:53,400 --> 00:50:57,200
Speaker 3: stop it from you know what I'm saying cross, It's

854
00:50:57,239 --> 00:51:00,239
Speaker 3: a whole I don't have the answer. I just know

855
00:51:00,280 --> 00:51:04,880
Speaker 3: that it needs to be on the top of the agenda,

856
00:51:05,160 --> 00:51:07,520
Speaker 3: you know what I mean, Like how to figure it out.

857
00:51:07,520 --> 00:51:10,160
Speaker 3: We gotta try some things, We gotta they gotta come

858
00:51:10,239 --> 00:51:14,799
Speaker 3: out of the meetings and come into the doing. Does

859
00:51:14,840 --> 00:51:18,600
Speaker 3: that make a lot of people who make laws and

860
00:51:18,760 --> 00:51:22,400
Speaker 3: make decisions and have discussions that don't deal with the

861
00:51:22,440 --> 00:51:27,080
Speaker 3: situations they don't live in the areas they've never been by,

862
00:51:27,800 --> 00:51:30,480
Speaker 3: So we need to I don't know. I don't know

863
00:51:30,560 --> 00:51:35,359
Speaker 3: we need I don't know community groups. I don't know

864
00:51:35,960 --> 00:51:38,360
Speaker 3: the answer, but I know that we can't bury this.

865
00:51:39,160 --> 00:51:47,719
Speaker 3: We can't children and everything that are affected.

866
00:51:48,040 --> 00:51:50,160
Speaker 2: Do you feel like the gun industry should be held

867
00:51:50,160 --> 00:51:50,880
Speaker 2: more accountable?

868
00:51:55,280 --> 00:51:59,000
Speaker 3: It's such a It's a hard thing for me because

869
00:52:00,800 --> 00:52:05,800
Speaker 3: I don't in a way. I think that the state

870
00:52:06,320 --> 00:52:12,640
Speaker 3: laws should be those, like I said, more training, harder

871
00:52:12,680 --> 00:52:19,440
Speaker 3: to get you qualify after going through all of these

872
00:52:19,440 --> 00:52:21,840
Speaker 3: things that need to be in place. I think that

873
00:52:21,960 --> 00:52:24,880
Speaker 3: we have a right to bear arms. And I'm not

874
00:52:24,920 --> 00:52:27,160
Speaker 3: trying to sound all political, but I think that you

875
00:52:27,280 --> 00:52:29,560
Speaker 3: do have a right to bear arms. I think that

876
00:52:29,840 --> 00:52:34,399
Speaker 3: you have a right to protect yourself. But I think

877
00:52:34,480 --> 00:52:43,799
Speaker 3: that who is able to acquire a firearm needs to

878
00:52:43,920 --> 00:52:46,239
Speaker 3: be looked at more with a fine tooth comb. I

879
00:52:46,239 --> 00:52:50,800
Speaker 3: think that's where I think that's where it's we're losing

880
00:52:50,880 --> 00:52:58,520
Speaker 3: in translation, Like in Delaware, I know somebody that got

881
00:52:58,920 --> 00:53:00,680
Speaker 3: their gunning like ten minutes.

882
00:53:01,440 --> 00:53:04,040
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, never never.

883
00:53:04,320 --> 00:53:09,520
Speaker 3: Held a firearm, didn't really know about a firearm. Husband

884
00:53:10,239 --> 00:53:16,359
Speaker 3: was law enforcement retired, and he felt like because he,

885
00:53:16,719 --> 00:53:19,960
Speaker 3: you know, knows all or whatever about guns and this, this, that,

886
00:53:20,040 --> 00:53:22,879
Speaker 3: and the third about protecting himself. It was came from

887
00:53:22,920 --> 00:53:26,919
Speaker 3: a good place, but I just feel like she needed more,

888
00:53:27,880 --> 00:53:33,839
Speaker 3: you know, like, just don't have a record qualified her

889
00:53:33,880 --> 00:53:35,520
Speaker 3: to get a fire arm. She could have been getting

890
00:53:35,520 --> 00:53:37,800
Speaker 3: it for her son or you know what I'm saying,

891
00:53:37,920 --> 00:53:41,879
Speaker 3: or not educated about how to lock it up and

892
00:53:43,200 --> 00:53:45,640
Speaker 3: to it. So I think that's where we need to start.

893
00:53:45,680 --> 00:53:50,120
Speaker 3: I think the states need to have stiffer laws and

894
00:53:50,160 --> 00:53:54,280
Speaker 3: things put in place to make it harder to get

895
00:53:54,480 --> 00:54:00,240
Speaker 3: legal guns, right, and then what do we do about

896
00:54:00,280 --> 00:54:03,719
Speaker 3: the illegal guns? Because they're out there, you know what

897
00:54:03,760 --> 00:54:05,840
Speaker 3: I mean, and that a lot.

898
00:54:05,719 --> 00:54:07,920
Speaker 2: Of illegal gun I was watching this documentary and I

899
00:54:08,000 --> 00:54:13,080
Speaker 2: was like, wow, ghost guns are crazy.

900
00:54:13,680 --> 00:54:16,840
Speaker 3: They said in twenty twenty one in New York City

901
00:54:17,400 --> 00:54:21,400
Speaker 3: that they were able to recover I believe the number

902
00:54:21,600 --> 00:54:28,239
Speaker 3: was a little bit over seven thousand. Wow, illegal firearms.

903
00:54:28,280 --> 00:54:36,080
Speaker 3: Seven thousand. That's crazy. Oh D right, oh D. Like

904
00:54:36,680 --> 00:54:38,480
Speaker 3: I couldn't believe it. I had to look at it.

905
00:54:38,480 --> 00:54:41,160
Speaker 3: It was like seventy three hundred or something like that.

906
00:54:41,200 --> 00:54:47,120
Speaker 3: I was like, what, it's ridiculous. It's scary. It's scary,

907
00:54:47,320 --> 00:54:50,480
Speaker 3: especially in the culture that we have as far as

908
00:54:50,480 --> 00:54:54,640
Speaker 3: mental health, you know what I'm saying and not being addressed,

909
00:54:54,719 --> 00:54:59,400
Speaker 3: and like I said, a lot of bell reforms and

910
00:55:00,760 --> 00:55:04,280
Speaker 3: just the looseness I feel of some of the things

911
00:55:04,320 --> 00:55:07,040
Speaker 3: that go on in the world. Then we got seven

912
00:55:07,080 --> 00:55:10,680
Speaker 3: thousand guns out there, Like what do you do? Block

913
00:55:10,719 --> 00:55:14,239
Speaker 3: yourself up and go in the bubble? Yeah, I was

914
00:55:14,280 --> 00:55:16,440
Speaker 3: thinking the other day, this is so crazy. I was

915
00:55:16,440 --> 00:55:23,360
Speaker 3: thinking the other day, you know, being quarantined, wasn't that bad?

916
00:55:23,800 --> 00:55:27,480
Speaker 3: Like it stopped a lot of shit out here, like

917
00:55:27,560 --> 00:55:30,800
Speaker 3: we was you know, he wasn't hearing about a whole

918
00:55:30,840 --> 00:55:34,000
Speaker 3: bunch of crimes going on. People was trying to live, right,

919
00:55:34,040 --> 00:55:36,160
Speaker 3: they had this going on. They was trying to live

920
00:55:36,560 --> 00:55:40,840
Speaker 3: and I would never want the sickness and as many people,

921
00:55:41,280 --> 00:55:43,759
Speaker 3: God bless them that lost their lives. But just the

922
00:55:43,880 --> 00:55:49,879
Speaker 3: quarantine part, I was like, because I'm afraid to ride

923
00:55:49,920 --> 00:55:50,239
Speaker 3: the train.

924
00:55:51,760 --> 00:55:56,360
Speaker 2: Yeah, the trains is different. I think this, this pandemic,

925
00:55:56,400 --> 00:55:57,680
Speaker 2: it really broke a lot.

926
00:55:57,560 --> 00:56:01,719
Speaker 3: Of people mentally though. It's starting to.

927
00:56:01,640 --> 00:56:04,680
Speaker 2: Take something to switch, Like it's crazy.

928
00:56:04,719 --> 00:56:07,239
Speaker 3: It's like it's like nice of the living day. I

929
00:56:07,320 --> 00:56:13,520
Speaker 3: don't know's I'm afraid to even I'm very comfortable in

930
00:56:13,560 --> 00:56:17,920
Speaker 3: my like my little circumference or whatever the case may be.

931
00:56:18,320 --> 00:56:21,600
Speaker 3: But even then, I used to be like in my neighborhood,

932
00:56:21,760 --> 00:56:25,239
Speaker 3: I live across the street from a park, so I

933
00:56:25,320 --> 00:56:29,279
Speaker 3: used to joke and say, we always have one homeless

934
00:56:29,320 --> 00:56:31,400
Speaker 3: person at a time. I don't know if they have

935
00:56:31,440 --> 00:56:34,319
Speaker 3: a meeting, but right here in my little area, we

936
00:56:34,520 --> 00:56:38,640
Speaker 3: never have multiple homeless people. You'll see the one for

937
00:56:39,040 --> 00:56:41,520
Speaker 3: an extended amount of time, and when that one leaves,

938
00:56:41,520 --> 00:56:46,200
Speaker 3: another one will come and I and it may sound crazy,

939
00:56:46,280 --> 00:56:48,919
Speaker 3: but that type of system gives you a little bit

940
00:56:49,000 --> 00:56:52,480
Speaker 3: of comfort with that person. For me, I might be

941
00:56:52,520 --> 00:56:54,960
Speaker 3: a little bit crazy, but that person for me to

942
00:56:54,960 --> 00:56:57,560
Speaker 3: see them continuous, I'm the one that's like they'll be

943
00:56:57,640 --> 00:57:00,680
Speaker 3: talking and I'll be like, hey you good or something.

944
00:57:00,719 --> 00:57:02,200
Speaker 3: You know. I come in the store, they acting up

945
00:57:02,200 --> 00:57:03,839
Speaker 3: in the store. I like, come on, now, we don't

946
00:57:03,840 --> 00:57:08,520
Speaker 3: do that. Whatever case may be, I'm afraid for that now,

947
00:57:08,640 --> 00:57:14,279
Speaker 3: like because just the mental health in this world is

948
00:57:14,400 --> 00:57:17,920
Speaker 3: so off kiltered, like so off kiltered, It's like, what

949
00:57:18,120 --> 00:57:21,040
Speaker 3: do you do? What do you do? I'm afraid to

950
00:57:21,080 --> 00:57:24,480
Speaker 3: go out. We was We went to the movies last night,

951
00:57:25,200 --> 00:57:28,919
Speaker 3: and for a quick minute, I was like, they dad

952
00:57:28,920 --> 00:57:31,840
Speaker 3: could shoot this movie that up, like what.

953
00:57:31,800 --> 00:57:36,200
Speaker 2: No, no, Lie. I was getting my nails done yesterday

954
00:57:36,720 --> 00:57:39,680
Speaker 2: and I live in Jersey now, and this nigga came

955
00:57:39,720 --> 00:57:44,000
Speaker 2: into the nel salon and he was bugged out talking

956
00:57:44,080 --> 00:57:46,480
Speaker 2: about like he'll shoot this place of this and net

957
00:57:46,480 --> 00:57:48,480
Speaker 2: and a woman kept doing my nails. So the lady

958
00:57:48,520 --> 00:57:49,920
Speaker 2: who he was talking to, she was like, can you

959
00:57:49,920 --> 00:57:52,080
Speaker 2: please go? I'm gonna call the police. And he was like,

960
00:57:52,640 --> 00:57:54,880
Speaker 2: and I'm like, miss, how can you keep doing my nails?

961
00:57:54,920 --> 00:57:57,480
Speaker 2: Like par Like I'm trying to look and to see

962
00:57:57,480 --> 00:57:59,880
Speaker 2: what the nearest exit is at, Like I don't play

963
00:58:00,080 --> 00:58:00,840
Speaker 2: no games with.

964
00:58:00,760 --> 00:58:04,600
Speaker 3: These niggas, No, and you can't. And you know what. Okay,

965
00:58:04,640 --> 00:58:07,680
Speaker 3: So I'm the type I used to be the type

966
00:58:07,720 --> 00:58:10,560
Speaker 3: of person that data happened. And if I was sitting

967
00:58:10,600 --> 00:58:12,280
Speaker 3: in the place and he could not be talking to me,

968
00:58:12,360 --> 00:58:14,560
Speaker 3: I'd be like, come on now, and nobody got time

969
00:58:14,560 --> 00:58:18,480
Speaker 3: for all that. Nobody today that I worked in, right,

970
00:58:18,960 --> 00:58:21,520
Speaker 3: I was a little bit okay with like mental health.

971
00:58:21,560 --> 00:58:27,919
Speaker 3: I worked with what we call ems mental mentally observation detainees,

972
00:58:28,720 --> 00:58:31,880
Speaker 3: that big area in the specific jail that I worked in,

973
00:58:32,000 --> 00:58:35,320
Speaker 3: So you know, the sudden ticks and the sudden yelled

974
00:58:35,360 --> 00:58:38,720
Speaker 3: at that. Usually didn't bother me. But this is different

975
00:58:40,440 --> 00:58:43,560
Speaker 3: in the air for the last couple of years. This this,

976
00:58:43,880 --> 00:58:46,160
Speaker 3: this is different. I don't know what it is. I

977
00:58:46,160 --> 00:58:50,520
Speaker 3: don't know if it's the legalization of marijuana. But everybody

978
00:58:50,600 --> 00:58:54,040
Speaker 3: ain't getting it from the dispensaries that you know what

979
00:58:54,040 --> 00:59:00,320
Speaker 3: I'm saying me, I don't know, but out here it's crazy.

980
00:59:00,400 --> 00:59:02,959
Speaker 3: And so I think that all of it goes hand

981
00:59:03,000 --> 00:59:05,840
Speaker 3: in hand. I think that we need to have mental

982
00:59:06,640 --> 00:59:10,840
Speaker 3: observation parts. When we're talking about people acquiring firearms, right,

983
00:59:11,360 --> 00:59:15,960
Speaker 3: you need to understand the effects of a firearm. You

984
00:59:16,000 --> 00:59:18,680
Speaker 3: need to understand how to break it down, what to

985
00:59:18,760 --> 00:59:21,720
Speaker 3: do if this happens, how to secure it properly. Like

986
00:59:21,800 --> 00:59:24,320
Speaker 3: nobody is not taking all of those steps and they

987
00:59:24,440 --> 00:59:32,400
Speaker 3: still getting shotguns. And yeah, yeah, they have to figure it.

988
00:59:32,400 --> 00:59:36,440
Speaker 3: It comes from higher up. But the thing about the

989
00:59:36,520 --> 00:59:38,959
Speaker 3: higher up, like I said, on most people who really

990
00:59:38,960 --> 00:59:41,920
Speaker 3: don't understand it on this level that we needed on

991
00:59:41,960 --> 00:59:44,760
Speaker 3: the us little people down here. So it's like it

992
00:59:44,840 --> 00:59:48,600
Speaker 3: has to be a mix and I matching of people.

993
00:59:48,680 --> 00:59:48,840
Speaker 2: Right.

994
00:59:48,880 --> 00:59:52,120
Speaker 3: We need some critical thinkers, right, but we need some

995
00:59:52,200 --> 00:59:56,320
Speaker 3: realistic people. And I don't know, we got to start

996
00:59:56,360 --> 00:59:59,720
Speaker 3: some conversations and then we got to start some actual doings.

997
01:00:00,360 --> 01:00:04,640
Speaker 3: Something has to happen, and we fortunately evident we may

998
01:00:04,680 --> 01:00:09,320
Speaker 3: not see a significant change in our lifetime. But like

999
01:00:09,920 --> 01:00:13,440
Speaker 3: the work of like the Tamika Da Mallories that until freedoms,

1000
01:00:13,840 --> 01:00:17,440
Speaker 3: all of those people that stand out and do those things,

1001
01:00:18,000 --> 01:00:21,440
Speaker 3: they are we're living in history, right. They are the

1002
01:00:21,440 --> 01:00:24,040
Speaker 3: Malcolm Xicell and the Martin Luther Kings of our time.

1003
01:00:25,720 --> 01:00:31,040
Speaker 3: People like me that before I'm affected personally, right, I

1004
01:00:31,120 --> 01:00:33,360
Speaker 3: have to join to make the twenty and the five

1005
01:00:33,440 --> 01:00:37,200
Speaker 3: hundred and the five thousands. Right, that's the only way

1006
01:00:37,440 --> 01:00:39,320
Speaker 3: that we need to make that we're going to make

1007
01:00:39,320 --> 01:00:42,680
Speaker 3: a difference. And I don't believe, and this may be

1008
01:00:42,800 --> 01:00:46,040
Speaker 3: an unpopular opinion, I think it's more than marching and

1009
01:00:46,080 --> 01:00:48,760
Speaker 3: holding up signs, not to say that that's not effective,

1010
01:00:49,480 --> 01:00:53,560
Speaker 3: but I talk about really making serious change that we

1011
01:00:53,720 --> 01:00:59,720
Speaker 3: need to become be in the rooms. Right. Oh yeah,

1012
01:01:00,480 --> 01:01:07,880
Speaker 3: And so we need to start raising our children to say, yeah,

1013
01:01:09,200 --> 01:01:13,120
Speaker 3: you know what, basketball likes your thing? I could tell

1014
01:01:13,160 --> 01:01:18,760
Speaker 3: you're not coordinated, thankful enough, but you smart as hell.

1015
01:01:19,320 --> 01:01:22,840
Speaker 3: And you because our children are smart, they're paying attention.

1016
01:01:23,560 --> 01:01:26,440
Speaker 3: They are living in unprecedented times where they have to

1017
01:01:26,440 --> 01:01:29,720
Speaker 3: pay attention. It's things changing in this world. When we're

1018
01:01:29,720 --> 01:01:33,280
Speaker 3: talking about gender roles, when we're talking about things like

1019
01:01:33,320 --> 01:01:36,760
Speaker 3: gun violence and uh, we're talking about just the changes

1020
01:01:36,800 --> 01:01:39,360
Speaker 3: of the world. They smart and so we have to

1021
01:01:39,480 --> 01:01:45,240
Speaker 3: groom our brown children to become a part of the

1022
01:01:45,400 --> 01:01:50,959
Speaker 3: conversations in those rooms without losing touch the reasons why

1023
01:01:51,000 --> 01:01:53,960
Speaker 3: they're in those rooms. Do you understand, which is as

1024
01:01:54,440 --> 01:01:58,120
Speaker 3: when you start moving in that direction, it's very hard

1025
01:01:58,240 --> 01:02:03,840
Speaker 3: to maintain right this part of your life and still

1026
01:02:04,080 --> 01:02:09,200
Speaker 3: understand that you need to be effective and way to

1027
01:02:09,360 --> 01:02:12,720
Speaker 3: make the changes. If that makes sense, right, You got

1028
01:02:12,720 --> 01:02:14,680
Speaker 3: to marry two words. I raised my children and say

1029
01:02:14,960 --> 01:02:18,880
Speaker 3: I always say this to my children. Listen, I don't

1030
01:02:18,920 --> 01:02:21,320
Speaker 3: expect nothing less but great grades. And you got to

1031
01:02:21,360 --> 01:02:23,040
Speaker 3: know the book. And don't let people tell you that

1032
01:02:23,080 --> 01:02:25,520
Speaker 3: you don't need your education. Because you do. People will

1033
01:02:25,560 --> 01:02:28,200
Speaker 3: tell you you're not gonna use the math. That don't matter.

1034
01:02:28,240 --> 01:02:30,640
Speaker 3: You still should know it and goad of that. But

1035
01:02:32,360 --> 01:02:36,959
Speaker 3: make sure you know these streets right, that your eyes watch,

1036
01:02:37,080 --> 01:02:39,840
Speaker 3: make sure that if he keep moving closer to you,

1037
01:02:39,920 --> 01:02:42,240
Speaker 3: that you understand that this may be a potential threat

1038
01:02:42,280 --> 01:02:44,480
Speaker 3: and that you on it, right. You gotta have all

1039
01:02:44,520 --> 01:02:46,800
Speaker 3: of that. You gotta be able like my daughter. You

1040
01:02:46,880 --> 01:02:49,600
Speaker 3: gotta be able to wear your red bottoms and your timblings, right.

1041
01:02:49,640 --> 01:02:51,000
Speaker 3: You got to be able to put on a board

1042
01:02:51,040 --> 01:02:54,680
Speaker 3: gown in your hoodie. But we need those type of

1043
01:02:54,720 --> 01:02:59,720
Speaker 3: mind states to be in those rooms that right, that

1044
01:03:00,120 --> 01:03:03,760
Speaker 3: communities that they're doing this for. And I think that

1045
01:03:04,080 --> 01:03:11,360
Speaker 3: some people, respectfully, as they move into that, they forget right,

1046
01:03:11,520 --> 01:03:16,240
Speaker 3: they get changed, whatever it is. They let them know why. Yeah,

1047
01:03:16,280 --> 01:03:18,280
Speaker 3: And that's why I think that. And I keep mentioning

1048
01:03:18,320 --> 01:03:20,280
Speaker 3: her name. I don't know why, but I think that's

1049
01:03:20,320 --> 01:03:24,440
Speaker 3: why I take to to meet the demalories so much,

1050
01:03:24,600 --> 01:03:28,760
Speaker 3: because she I feel like she sat in some some

1051
01:03:29,040 --> 01:03:31,919
Speaker 3: you know, in situations, and she's very much a part

1052
01:03:31,920 --> 01:03:36,160
Speaker 3: of But I don't ever see her lose her. Right.

1053
01:03:36,720 --> 01:03:40,520
Speaker 3: I met her by chance. She came out of out

1054
01:03:40,520 --> 01:03:43,080
Speaker 3: of like someplace one hundred and twenty fifth Street, and

1055
01:03:43,160 --> 01:03:47,880
Speaker 3: I was mouth open, like, right, this is she's regular. Right,

1056
01:03:47,960 --> 01:03:50,840
Speaker 3: she got her hair down or makeup on, just really

1057
01:03:50,880 --> 01:03:53,760
Speaker 3: like a roundaway girl whatever. But I know her work.

1058
01:03:55,120 --> 01:03:57,560
Speaker 3: And my son, my youngest son, was with me, and

1059
01:03:57,600 --> 01:04:00,280
Speaker 3: he was like, what's up? And this was before my

1060
01:04:01,040 --> 01:04:04,840
Speaker 3: husband got killed. So he's like, what's up? And I'm like,

1061
01:04:05,240 --> 01:04:07,680
Speaker 3: this lady, I wanted to give him the short of

1062
01:04:07,720 --> 01:04:10,040
Speaker 3: it because I wanted to meet her. Right, So she

1063
01:04:10,120 --> 01:04:11,480
Speaker 3: is like kind of talking her phone. I was like,

1064
01:04:11,480 --> 01:04:15,240
Speaker 3: this lady fights for us, like she fights for black

1065
01:04:15,240 --> 01:04:17,720
Speaker 3: people and the George Floyd and the Black Lives Matter whatever.

1066
01:04:18,280 --> 01:04:22,040
Speaker 3: And I went up to her and it was something

1067
01:04:22,040 --> 01:04:26,600
Speaker 3: about her spirit that what you see is who she is,

1068
01:04:26,680 --> 01:04:28,840
Speaker 3: Like you could tell you know what I'm saying. We

1069
01:04:28,880 --> 01:04:33,920
Speaker 3: need her a thousand times over right in these rooms

1070
01:04:34,000 --> 01:04:36,880
Speaker 3: talking about but it has to be a change. But

1071
01:04:37,160 --> 01:04:40,640
Speaker 3: it has to start. It has to start. We cannot

1072
01:04:40,640 --> 01:04:45,800
Speaker 3: have continue to have forty ye old man father five,

1073
01:04:46,240 --> 01:04:49,680
Speaker 3: on his lunch break getting gunned down in the middle

1074
01:04:49,720 --> 01:04:55,280
Speaker 3: of a mall in Queen's by somebody who has a

1075
01:04:55,320 --> 01:04:59,560
Speaker 3: the illegal gun. Right, that to be the story, you know.

1076
01:05:00,200 --> 01:05:02,840
Speaker 2: And I'm assuming they haven't caught the person, right.

1077
01:05:03,440 --> 01:05:08,640
Speaker 3: No, they know who he is. They're looking for him,

1078
01:05:08,960 --> 01:05:12,439
Speaker 3: you know, you know how cowards do. He's on the run.

1079
01:05:12,960 --> 01:05:15,320
Speaker 3: I was like, why he wasn't, Why he just stay

1080
01:05:15,360 --> 01:05:16,920
Speaker 3: around as brazy as you are.

1081
01:05:17,560 --> 01:05:20,520
Speaker 2: I mean, you might as well as well just sat.

1082
01:05:20,320 --> 01:05:22,760
Speaker 3: There a little cigarette and leaned on your car because

1083
01:05:23,400 --> 01:05:26,600
Speaker 3: you you act like you ain't here, but no, his

1084
01:05:26,800 --> 01:05:29,720
Speaker 3: coward ass is on the run that they're gonna get up.

1085
01:05:30,360 --> 01:05:33,400
Speaker 2: Do you do you feel like law enforcement is doing

1086
01:05:33,400 --> 01:05:34,240
Speaker 2: everything they can.

1087
01:05:35,440 --> 01:05:35,840
Speaker 3: I do?

1088
01:05:36,640 --> 01:05:36,920
Speaker 4: I do?

1089
01:05:37,280 --> 01:05:39,760
Speaker 3: And that's another experience to have, right, because you don't

1090
01:05:39,800 --> 01:05:41,760
Speaker 3: know what happens after we see the story on the

1091
01:05:41,800 --> 01:05:44,040
Speaker 3: news and somebody get killed. You don't know what the

1092
01:05:44,080 --> 01:05:47,520
Speaker 3: family has to go through. So I have been that

1093
01:05:47,720 --> 01:05:52,200
Speaker 3: person that caused the detective right, that's like, well, I

1094
01:05:52,240 --> 01:05:55,120
Speaker 3: know it's gonna be harder because it's after what we

1095
01:05:55,200 --> 01:05:57,680
Speaker 3: watch on TV, after forty eight hours, just harder and

1096
01:05:57,720 --> 01:06:01,000
Speaker 3: all this sort of stuff. But they they have done

1097
01:06:01,320 --> 01:06:04,720
Speaker 3: what they can, you know, like they put everything in

1098
01:06:04,800 --> 01:06:08,280
Speaker 3: place to be able to find him when it's time

1099
01:06:09,040 --> 01:06:14,840
Speaker 3: it's going to happen. You cannot. You cannot, just my belief.

1100
01:06:15,560 --> 01:06:20,960
Speaker 3: You cannot play God or think you play in God

1101
01:06:21,480 --> 01:06:24,120
Speaker 3: and God don't take care of you. That's just it's

1102
01:06:24,160 --> 01:06:26,800
Speaker 3: just don't my God don't work like that. Even if

1103
01:06:26,800 --> 01:06:31,040
Speaker 3: I never in this whole lifetime, he could think that,

1104
01:06:32,640 --> 01:06:35,680
Speaker 3: you know, but God is going, God is in control.

1105
01:06:35,960 --> 01:06:40,400
Speaker 2: At this point, has this effected your relationship with God? Like,

1106
01:06:40,480 --> 01:06:42,000
Speaker 2: did it make you question it?

1107
01:06:44,240 --> 01:06:51,000
Speaker 3: How long is this hour? We might need to ooh girl, oh,

1108
01:06:51,200 --> 01:06:55,600
Speaker 3: I just got chills. So from you following me, you

1109
01:06:55,720 --> 01:06:59,760
Speaker 3: know I am a turn up to five o'clock in

1110
01:06:59,800 --> 01:07:01,640
Speaker 3: a mo on and worshiping at nine o'clock.

1111
01:07:02,440 --> 01:07:03,400
Speaker 2: You do be in church?

1112
01:07:03,960 --> 01:07:05,800
Speaker 3: What people be like?

1113
01:07:06,200 --> 01:07:06,600
Speaker 1: Away?

1114
01:07:07,320 --> 01:07:09,200
Speaker 3: Ain't no way you was just on that video.

1115
01:07:09,520 --> 01:07:11,720
Speaker 2: No, she'd be in the club, y'all, but she'd be

1116
01:07:12,520 --> 01:07:13,640
Speaker 2: Sunday morning.

1117
01:07:14,280 --> 01:07:16,160
Speaker 3: I'm gonna pop them by and I'm gonna go to

1118
01:07:16,280 --> 01:07:19,080
Speaker 3: every spot, but I'm gonna go to church. You know

1119
01:07:19,120 --> 01:07:22,840
Speaker 3: what I'm saying. I have only been to church one

1120
01:07:22,920 --> 01:07:32,520
Speaker 3: time since my husband was murdered. I have never ever

1121
01:07:33,320 --> 01:07:36,080
Speaker 3: And I think I told you before evidence. I think

1122
01:07:36,160 --> 01:07:41,720
Speaker 3: you could do a whole podcast year of Barbie because

1123
01:07:41,720 --> 01:07:44,000
Speaker 3: I got some stories. Girl, what topic you got, I

1124
01:07:44,080 --> 01:07:47,040
Speaker 3: probably got a story for it. I'd have been through

1125
01:07:47,080 --> 01:07:51,440
Speaker 3: some things in my little little life, been through some things,

1126
01:07:51,840 --> 01:07:55,680
Speaker 3: and I've always leaned on my faith like this is

1127
01:07:55,680 --> 01:07:58,080
Speaker 3: for a reason, even when I cried about it, even

1128
01:07:58,120 --> 01:08:03,240
Speaker 3: when I confused. I can't figure this one out. It's

1129
01:08:03,280 --> 01:08:11,440
Speaker 3: the first time that I've ever questioned God like like seriously,

1130
01:08:11,560 --> 01:08:16,840
Speaker 3: I'm telling this this kid I have you. I literally

1131
01:08:17,000 --> 01:08:19,160
Speaker 3: have been in this house and been like yelling out

1132
01:08:19,240 --> 01:08:22,200
Speaker 3: when my son is at school. Obviously, I've literally been like,

1133
01:08:22,479 --> 01:08:25,479
Speaker 3: why God tell me what like now? And if it's

1134
01:08:25,520 --> 01:08:27,320
Speaker 3: a lesson in it, I need to see it now.

1135
01:08:27,400 --> 01:08:31,160
Speaker 3: Who the fuck a mom? But I'm like, I need

1136
01:08:31,200 --> 01:08:35,360
Speaker 3: to see it now, like ain't no, Eventually I'm gonna know.

1137
01:08:35,920 --> 01:08:38,160
Speaker 3: I need to know now, like why this, like when

1138
01:08:38,240 --> 01:08:42,439
Speaker 3: I tell you. And it's so crazy because my past

1139
01:08:42,520 --> 01:08:47,840
Speaker 3: up and his wife, our first lady, actually met me

1140
01:08:47,960 --> 01:08:49,920
Speaker 3: at my house when I came from the cruise and

1141
01:08:50,120 --> 01:08:54,600
Speaker 3: was here to help me tell my son. And the

1142
01:08:54,800 --> 01:08:59,920
Speaker 3: very next time after that that I seen him was

1143
01:09:00,040 --> 01:09:04,640
Speaker 3: New Year's Eve and my son and I went in

1144
01:09:04,680 --> 01:09:08,719
Speaker 3: his office and he said to me, and I ain't

1145
01:09:08,720 --> 01:09:11,240
Speaker 3: gonna hold I don't question when it comes to God.

1146
01:09:11,360 --> 01:09:13,479
Speaker 3: I don't question a lot of stuff. But when he

1147
01:09:13,520 --> 01:09:16,439
Speaker 3: said it to me, I was like, he's just looking

1148
01:09:16,479 --> 01:09:18,880
Speaker 3: for some shit to say. I swear and I never

1149
01:09:18,960 --> 01:09:23,760
Speaker 3: been like that. But he was like, I don't know what.

1150
01:09:23,920 --> 01:09:25,960
Speaker 3: I saw you walk there and he was like, the

1151
01:09:26,040 --> 01:09:29,800
Speaker 3: message I have for you is go through it, but

1152
01:09:29,880 --> 01:09:34,200
Speaker 3: remain faithful. Don't don't let your faith slide and I

1153
01:09:34,280 --> 01:09:39,120
Speaker 3: was like, and I didn't get it then, but slowly

1154
01:09:39,479 --> 01:09:43,559
Speaker 3: I never been in my life, I've been in church

1155
01:09:43,560 --> 01:09:47,679
Speaker 3: since I was three years old. I ain't have much

1156
01:09:47,760 --> 01:09:50,400
Speaker 3: gaps where I wasn't like I can't even think of

1157
01:09:50,439 --> 01:09:52,760
Speaker 3: a time when I like literally didn't go for like

1158
01:09:52,760 --> 01:09:55,720
Speaker 3: months or whatever case. Maybe I'm so comfortable not going

1159
01:09:55,760 --> 01:10:00,639
Speaker 3: to church right now. I don't have not even prayed myself.

1160
01:10:02,240 --> 01:10:03,640
Speaker 3: I have not even prayed for it. I don't have

1161
01:10:03,720 --> 01:10:06,280
Speaker 3: the words because I don't know what to say, because,

1162
01:10:06,600 --> 01:10:08,280
Speaker 3: first of all, every day is not real to me.

1163
01:10:08,920 --> 01:10:13,639
Speaker 3: Second of all, what the Bible says is that your life,

1164
01:10:14,400 --> 01:10:17,800
Speaker 3: the destiny, has already been planned and ordained by God.

1165
01:10:18,000 --> 01:10:20,280
Speaker 3: This couldn't have been your plan God, like you telling

1166
01:10:20,320 --> 01:10:23,120
Speaker 3: me that I was with somebody for seventeen years. I

1167
01:10:23,120 --> 01:10:26,920
Speaker 3: got a thirteen year old son and the plan was

1168
01:10:27,000 --> 01:10:32,160
Speaker 3: to take him. Like what? Like, I just don't I

1169
01:10:32,200 --> 01:10:37,160
Speaker 3: don't get it. But my faith is enough that I

1170
01:10:37,200 --> 01:10:41,600
Speaker 3: won't turn my back completely. I'm afraid too, because I

1171
01:10:41,680 --> 01:10:45,400
Speaker 3: know God is what governs my life. So when I'm

1172
01:10:45,439 --> 01:10:49,240
Speaker 3: talking to him like why later on, then I'm crying

1173
01:10:49,280 --> 01:10:52,080
Speaker 3: because I'm like, please, God, I'm sorry.

1174
01:10:52,240 --> 01:10:54,280
Speaker 4: I didn't mean it but I'm hurting or whatever case

1175
01:10:54,320 --> 01:10:58,599
Speaker 4: may be. So for me, that's one of the biggest things,

1176
01:10:58,880 --> 01:11:02,640
Speaker 4: Like you know what I mean, Like grief has me

1177
01:11:02,720 --> 01:11:06,280
Speaker 4: in a choke old girl. I can't figure that shit

1178
01:11:06,320 --> 01:11:08,799
Speaker 4: out most days. And even with my faith, which.

1179
01:11:08,640 --> 01:11:14,280
Speaker 3: Is everybody is like mm hmmm, like they can't believe

1180
01:11:14,320 --> 01:11:19,120
Speaker 3: it right telling you, because I've been faithful everything you understand.

1181
01:11:19,479 --> 01:11:23,600
Speaker 3: I ain't perfect, but one thing I have been is faithful.

1182
01:11:23,880 --> 01:11:27,640
Speaker 3: You understand like I do my kids. You know, my

1183
01:11:27,680 --> 01:11:30,559
Speaker 3: son's singing a choir. My daughter she when she hears,

1184
01:11:30,600 --> 01:11:35,000
Speaker 3: she do like us for real God, Like what is

1185
01:11:35,040 --> 01:11:37,719
Speaker 3: the plan? And not to even be like that because

1186
01:11:37,720 --> 01:11:41,320
Speaker 3: this might sound a little crazy, but I have three children.

1187
01:11:41,400 --> 01:11:44,360
Speaker 3: I have three, each one of them have different fathers.

1188
01:11:44,720 --> 01:11:49,280
Speaker 3: My two oldest children, my oldest son, his father is

1189
01:11:49,320 --> 01:11:51,200
Speaker 3: em you know what I'm saying, Like he's been there.

1190
01:11:51,320 --> 01:11:54,040
Speaker 3: My daughter her father and not at all. My husband

1191
01:11:54,040 --> 01:11:57,120
Speaker 3: is the only father that she knows. My husband was

1192
01:11:57,160 --> 01:12:01,839
Speaker 3: a part of his son's life, like the one that's active.

1193
01:12:02,479 --> 01:12:07,080
Speaker 3: You under say what I'm saying, you gotta do like word,

1194
01:12:07,320 --> 01:12:09,200
Speaker 3: it just don't make sense to me, and so it

1195
01:12:09,240 --> 01:12:11,640
Speaker 3: makes you angry, and then it makes you feel like

1196
01:12:12,120 --> 01:12:15,719
Speaker 3: and then it ain't. I use the party and stuff. Excuse,

1197
01:12:15,800 --> 01:12:17,360
Speaker 3: Oh I'm tired, But like I said, I used to

1198
01:12:17,400 --> 01:12:21,760
Speaker 3: do that. Another reason why I haven't gone to church,

1199
01:12:21,800 --> 01:12:24,080
Speaker 3: and church doesn't have anything to do with faith. I

1200
01:12:24,080 --> 01:12:25,679
Speaker 3: don't have to go to church, It's what I'm saying.

1201
01:12:25,720 --> 01:12:27,920
Speaker 3: But for me, it's a big deal that I don't.

1202
01:12:28,040 --> 01:12:34,080
Speaker 3: It's because people come from a loving place, but they

1203
01:12:34,080 --> 01:12:38,760
Speaker 3: don't understand that. Sometimes I just need a minute, you

1204
01:12:38,760 --> 01:12:40,559
Speaker 3: know what I'm saying. My seven is thirteen. He trying

1205
01:12:40,600 --> 01:12:43,200
Speaker 3: to figure this out. He's trying to process. So the

1206
01:12:43,240 --> 01:12:45,200
Speaker 3: one time that we did go to church, it was

1207
01:12:45,600 --> 01:12:47,599
Speaker 3: very overwhelming, you know what I'm saying.

1208
01:12:50,040 --> 01:12:51,880
Speaker 2: Sometimes you don't want to hear it like you just

1209
01:12:52,400 --> 01:12:54,479
Speaker 2: you're gonna give just give me love physically, but I

1210
01:12:54,520 --> 01:12:56,400
Speaker 2: don't want to hear it here verbally because that could

1211
01:12:56,439 --> 01:12:56,800
Speaker 2: be a lie.

1212
01:12:57,960 --> 01:13:00,280
Speaker 3: You need whatever, And let me tell you something to know.

1213
01:13:01,000 --> 01:13:05,040
Speaker 3: My church family has been an anchor. You understand. It

1214
01:13:05,200 --> 01:13:10,200
Speaker 3: was so many of them at the services that it

1215
01:13:10,680 --> 01:13:13,160
Speaker 3: probably took the first thing that took me aback before

1216
01:13:13,200 --> 01:13:16,080
Speaker 3: I realized, like I'm really at a funeral for this nigga.

1217
01:13:16,120 --> 01:13:18,040
Speaker 3: You know what I'm saying, but when I walked in

1218
01:13:18,280 --> 01:13:22,000
Speaker 3: my church, family like the way they rose, like you know,

1219
01:13:22,120 --> 01:13:26,880
Speaker 3: it's like it's very touching. But I don't know everything.

1220
01:13:26,920 --> 01:13:30,799
Speaker 3: I'm changed, and I don't. I don't for some people

1221
01:13:30,920 --> 01:13:34,000
Speaker 3: that may not know me all the way. You know,

1222
01:13:34,320 --> 01:13:38,760
Speaker 3: your people that's listening. That means nothing to me but

1223
01:13:39,000 --> 01:13:43,640
Speaker 3: to them. But I'm so changed everything like, and I'm not.

1224
01:13:43,840 --> 01:13:47,200
Speaker 3: I'm not changed, Like I don't say what I mean.

1225
01:13:47,840 --> 01:13:52,880
Speaker 3: I'm not that. I'm just I'm not the same. I'm not.

1226
01:13:54,200 --> 01:13:57,800
Speaker 3: This is the biggest thing that has happened to me

1227
01:13:58,040 --> 01:14:00,400
Speaker 3: in my life thus far. And don't give me. I

1228
01:14:00,439 --> 01:14:03,160
Speaker 3: know it could be much worse, but this is bad.

1229
01:14:03,160 --> 01:14:06,080
Speaker 3: And I lost my father. It's a different type of love.

1230
01:14:07,640 --> 01:14:09,400
Speaker 3: I was fifteen years old when I lost my father.

1231
01:14:11,400 --> 01:14:13,120
Speaker 2: Oh okay, he just he passed away.

1232
01:14:13,560 --> 01:14:15,840
Speaker 3: To pass away, but it was sudden, and it was

1233
01:14:16,080 --> 01:14:17,880
Speaker 3: he was very much prevalent in my life and I

1234
01:14:17,920 --> 01:14:20,439
Speaker 3: thought that was But it's a different type of love,

1235
01:14:20,560 --> 01:14:22,240
Speaker 3: you know what I'm saying. I was my dad, this

1236
01:14:22,360 --> 01:14:27,200
Speaker 3: is my husband. I'm a grown woman. I'm definitely changed,

1237
01:14:27,760 --> 01:14:31,640
Speaker 3: like just the way. I don't know how to explain it,

1238
01:14:31,720 --> 01:14:35,240
Speaker 3: but definitely my relationship, my relationship with God hasn't changed.

1239
01:14:35,280 --> 01:14:39,120
Speaker 3: My faith is a little bit rocky if that.

1240
01:14:39,120 --> 01:14:42,560
Speaker 2: Means have you seen the change in your kids?

1241
01:14:44,439 --> 01:14:51,720
Speaker 3: Yes, my son that it was his father. I just

1242
01:14:51,760 --> 01:14:53,519
Speaker 3: had to have a conversation with him. So he goes

1243
01:14:53,560 --> 01:14:57,920
Speaker 3: to grief counseling. He started in which he likes than God.

1244
01:14:58,439 --> 01:15:01,120
Speaker 3: You know, he don't like it, but but we found

1245
01:15:01,200 --> 01:15:03,360
Speaker 3: somebody that, you know what I'm saying, that's good for him.

1246
01:15:03,400 --> 01:15:09,799
Speaker 3: So that's good. But he how was he He's thirteen.

1247
01:15:10,680 --> 01:15:14,200
Speaker 3: So we've had conversations, especially early on when it first happened,

1248
01:15:14,760 --> 01:15:17,640
Speaker 3: and I was like okay, okay, okay, okay, and he

1249
01:15:17,720 --> 01:15:20,800
Speaker 3: was like, yeah, my like I'm sad, but I don't

1250
01:15:20,800 --> 01:15:23,680
Speaker 3: feel like I want to cry. And I was like,

1251
01:15:23,800 --> 01:15:26,360
Speaker 3: that's fine, you don't have to cry, you know what

1252
01:15:26,400 --> 01:15:30,600
Speaker 3: I'm saying. Like then I noticed I just had a

1253
01:15:30,600 --> 01:15:34,479
Speaker 3: conversation with him last week because he has been very snappy,

1254
01:15:35,360 --> 01:15:40,679
Speaker 3: like angry and snappy and just real like not even

1255
01:15:40,800 --> 01:15:43,120
Speaker 3: like disrespectful, just like I gotta be tough and I

1256
01:15:43,120 --> 01:15:45,719
Speaker 3: gotta be strong, you know what I'm saying. And I

1257
01:15:45,760 --> 01:15:47,680
Speaker 3: had to have a conversation with him and I was like,

1258
01:15:48,880 --> 01:15:51,880
Speaker 3: you don't have to be sad, but you also don't

1259
01:15:51,920 --> 01:15:54,360
Speaker 3: have to you you did not step into your father's shoes.

1260
01:15:54,680 --> 01:15:57,040
Speaker 3: You understand. I'm still very much your mother and I

1261
01:15:57,080 --> 01:16:00,880
Speaker 3: still got you. I could never be him, but I

1262
01:16:01,040 --> 01:16:05,200
Speaker 3: understand that you lost your dad. You understand I'm saying

1263
01:16:05,680 --> 01:16:09,680
Speaker 3: so like, and I'm one of the toughest mother. You

1264
01:16:09,720 --> 01:16:11,800
Speaker 3: don't got to be tough. I just need you to

1265
01:16:11,840 --> 01:16:14,160
Speaker 3: be thirteen, and I need you to be okay being

1266
01:16:14,240 --> 01:16:16,400
Speaker 3: thirteen and being okay you know what I mean, like

1267
01:16:16,880 --> 01:16:19,519
Speaker 3: regular thirteen. Shit, you just happen to be a thirteen

1268
01:16:19,600 --> 01:16:22,679
Speaker 3: year old that happened to have a father that was murdered.

1269
01:16:22,720 --> 01:16:25,080
Speaker 3: But we're not gonna make that your life. You understand.

1270
01:16:25,080 --> 01:16:29,880
Speaker 3: You don't have to adopt that and be hard or whatever.

1271
01:16:30,000 --> 01:16:34,640
Speaker 3: And we kind of cried it out, and it just

1272
01:16:34,760 --> 01:16:36,679
Speaker 3: was last week, but I think it made a little

1273
01:16:36,680 --> 01:16:41,240
Speaker 3: bit of a difference. It kind of let me feel like, oooh, okay, yeah,

1274
01:16:41,240 --> 01:16:42,640
Speaker 3: I don't have to You don't have to have the

1275
01:16:42,680 --> 01:16:49,000
Speaker 3: responsibility of anything. You know nothing, right, Your a child. Yeah,

1276
01:16:49,040 --> 01:16:51,439
Speaker 3: you're a child, and it's okay for you to be

1277
01:16:51,479 --> 01:16:54,080
Speaker 3: a child. It's okay for your heart, it's okay for

1278
01:16:54,160 --> 01:16:57,680
Speaker 3: you to be confused. It's okay for your your attitude

1279
01:16:57,680 --> 01:16:59,880
Speaker 3: to be different towards it today than it is just

1280
01:17:00,120 --> 01:17:03,960
Speaker 3: but you don't got to be tough and hard whatever.

1281
01:17:04,040 --> 01:17:06,800
Speaker 3: So I've seen that my other children, all of my

1282
01:17:06,880 --> 01:17:11,200
Speaker 3: children are total opposites of me. Right, so I'm just

1283
01:17:11,240 --> 01:17:13,800
Speaker 3: staying on the couch and they kind of standing in

1284
01:17:13,840 --> 01:17:17,120
Speaker 3: the corner for the most part. So they introvert. So

1285
01:17:17,160 --> 01:17:21,519
Speaker 3: I won't ever know which is back. It's the reason

1286
01:17:21,520 --> 01:17:25,080
Speaker 3: why I got him grief counselor because they hold a

1287
01:17:25,120 --> 01:17:29,120
Speaker 3: lot of stuff. I always say my kids are obedient kids.

1288
01:17:29,120 --> 01:17:32,559
Speaker 3: They're good kids, and they're obedient, but this is one

1289
01:17:32,560 --> 01:17:35,600
Speaker 3: of the times where I want them to talk a

1290
01:17:35,640 --> 01:17:38,280
Speaker 3: little bit more, you know what I'm saying, and not

1291
01:17:38,400 --> 01:17:40,560
Speaker 3: obedient like my kids and not like sit down or

1292
01:17:40,560 --> 01:17:42,960
Speaker 3: whatever case they be. They just are like, it's just

1293
01:17:43,000 --> 01:17:46,280
Speaker 3: cool kids, you know what I'm saying. I don't get

1294
01:17:46,320 --> 01:17:48,280
Speaker 3: a lot of backlashes, like get dressed, we going to church.

1295
01:17:48,320 --> 01:17:50,360
Speaker 3: They get dressed, we go to church. I don't I

1296
01:17:50,600 --> 01:17:52,720
Speaker 3: know kids, My kids are thirteen, twenty and twenty eight.

1297
01:17:53,040 --> 01:17:55,400
Speaker 3: I know people that got kids that's younger than that

1298
01:17:55,439 --> 01:17:56,960
Speaker 3: and be like, I don't want to go my kids

1299
01:17:56,960 --> 01:18:01,880
Speaker 3: don't do that, but let them know that they have voice.

1300
01:18:02,160 --> 01:18:04,919
Speaker 3: But I just don't think they know what they're supposed

1301
01:18:04,920 --> 01:18:08,240
Speaker 3: to be feeling. And what this feels like is new

1302
01:18:09,080 --> 01:18:10,880
Speaker 3: for all of us, you know what I mean. And

1303
01:18:10,960 --> 01:18:14,960
Speaker 3: so and I'm really really messed up. So I think

1304
01:18:15,000 --> 01:18:16,839
Speaker 3: that they feel like they have to keep it together

1305
01:18:17,280 --> 01:18:20,800
Speaker 3: a little bit because I'm real bad and I try to.

1306
01:18:21,000 --> 01:18:26,280
Speaker 3: I try to not have those type of breakdowns and

1307
01:18:26,320 --> 01:18:30,920
Speaker 3: stuff when they are around, but I'm not always so

1308
01:18:31,000 --> 01:18:34,920
Speaker 3: good at it. So, yeah, we're just working together. My

1309
01:18:35,080 --> 01:18:39,479
Speaker 3: daughter is very good at connecting because she goes, you know,

1310
01:18:39,520 --> 01:18:42,240
Speaker 3: away to college, so she's very good at connecting with

1311
01:18:42,360 --> 01:18:46,360
Speaker 3: me and with her brother and stuff like that. So

1312
01:18:47,760 --> 01:18:52,600
Speaker 3: we just working through it, right, And nobody can't tell you.

1313
01:18:52,640 --> 01:18:55,000
Speaker 3: There's no manuscript for this, you know what I'm saying.

1314
01:18:55,600 --> 01:18:59,280
Speaker 2: Right, And last, but not least, if you could say

1315
01:18:59,320 --> 01:19:01,320
Speaker 2: one last thing to your husband, what would it be?

1316
01:19:02,640 --> 01:19:11,960
Speaker 3: Oh, that's a good one. I don't know. It's like

1317
01:19:12,320 --> 01:19:16,000
Speaker 3: ten different things just went through my head. I wanted

1318
01:19:16,040 --> 01:19:17,640
Speaker 3: to say, tell him I love him, but I know

1319
01:19:17,720 --> 01:19:19,519
Speaker 3: he knew that, you know what I'm saying, So I

1320
01:19:19,560 --> 01:19:22,120
Speaker 3: wouldn't want to waste it or something that I know

1321
01:19:22,200 --> 01:19:24,640
Speaker 3: he knew. I want to say I got this, but

1322
01:19:24,720 --> 01:19:26,479
Speaker 3: I know he know I got it as much as

1323
01:19:26,479 --> 01:19:34,000
Speaker 3: I to the death of me, I got these kids.

1324
01:19:35,320 --> 01:19:38,080
Speaker 3: I don't know. I'm sorry this happened to you. I

1325
01:19:38,120 --> 01:19:41,559
Speaker 3: don't know. He didn't deserve this because everything else. I

1326
01:19:41,600 --> 01:19:44,760
Speaker 3: feel like I'm a great communicator, and he knew and

1327
01:19:45,080 --> 01:19:47,040
Speaker 3: he felt each other, like I knew he loved me,

1328
01:19:47,720 --> 01:19:49,960
Speaker 3: you know what I'm saying. So I don't know, but

1329
01:19:52,160 --> 01:19:56,559
Speaker 3: that's a good one. I don't know. I don't know.

1330
01:19:56,800 --> 01:20:00,040
Speaker 3: I don't know, and I don't want to take the

1331
01:20:00,040 --> 01:20:02,200
Speaker 3: easybut I don't want to say I love you because,

1332
01:20:02,200 --> 01:20:05,880
Speaker 3: like I said, I know he knew that. But yeah,

1333
01:20:06,080 --> 01:20:12,040
Speaker 3: probably that it's so funny because he did. He did

1334
01:20:12,560 --> 01:20:16,240
Speaker 3: get shot and died right at the scene. But I

1335
01:20:16,320 --> 01:20:19,600
Speaker 3: wondered what he said or thought, you know, if he

1336
01:20:19,680 --> 01:20:22,479
Speaker 3: had a minute to They said he went to go

1337
01:20:22,520 --> 01:20:24,479
Speaker 3: say something. That's when the blood came out of his mouth.

1338
01:20:24,800 --> 01:20:27,559
Speaker 3: Like what was his thought? You know what I'm saying,

1339
01:20:27,600 --> 01:20:30,719
Speaker 3: What was he thinking about? Do you only have time

1340
01:20:30,760 --> 01:20:36,280
Speaker 3: to say, oh shit? Or please God? You know what

1341
01:20:36,280 --> 01:20:38,680
Speaker 3: I'm saying, Because he had a relationship with God. You know,

1342
01:20:38,760 --> 01:20:43,360
Speaker 3: my my ex me used to wake up and whisper.

1343
01:20:44,520 --> 01:20:48,639
Speaker 3: If this is something I never told anybody, He used

1344
01:20:48,680 --> 01:20:53,040
Speaker 3: to wake up and whisper, And he doesn't know until

1345
01:20:53,120 --> 01:20:56,720
Speaker 3: right now he's listening that I knew them and he

1346
01:20:56,800 --> 01:20:59,080
Speaker 3: used to always whisper and say thank you God for

1347
01:20:59,160 --> 01:21:01,760
Speaker 3: waking me up. He's allowed me to have a good thing.

1348
01:21:02,320 --> 01:21:04,400
Speaker 3: Please allow me to be safe and make it back

1349
01:21:04,400 --> 01:21:07,760
Speaker 3: home with my family. Every single morning. He us for that,

1350
01:21:09,000 --> 01:21:12,640
Speaker 3: every single morning, And that in and of itself is

1351
01:21:12,680 --> 01:21:15,280
Speaker 3: a relationship with God, you know what I mean, Like

1352
01:21:15,640 --> 01:21:17,640
Speaker 3: just that you get to him first thing when you

1353
01:21:17,680 --> 01:21:21,479
Speaker 3: open your eyes. So I wonder if he had a

1354
01:21:21,560 --> 01:21:25,200
Speaker 3: minute to say anything or what was his thought but

1355
01:21:25,360 --> 01:21:29,559
Speaker 3: to him, I don't know. I just I just love

1356
01:21:29,640 --> 01:21:34,840
Speaker 3: him so much. I mean like he is my soul made.

1357
01:21:35,680 --> 01:21:38,160
Speaker 3: You know, people say that all the time, but he was,

1358
01:21:38,920 --> 01:21:41,800
Speaker 3: he was, He was my soul made. I know he

1359
01:21:42,000 --> 01:21:45,720
Speaker 3: is exactly what God intended for me, even if it

1360
01:21:45,800 --> 01:21:49,320
Speaker 3: was just for this amount of time, the short time,

1361
01:21:49,720 --> 01:21:52,400
Speaker 3: you know, if it was for that, I know that

1362
01:21:52,439 --> 01:21:56,160
Speaker 3: God wanted me to experience. I love like that, you

1363
01:21:56,200 --> 01:21:58,720
Speaker 3: know what I mean. I know he did. I know

1364
01:21:58,840 --> 01:21:59,240
Speaker 3: he did.

1365
01:21:59,400 --> 01:22:03,960
Speaker 2: So I don't know, well I appreciate you for coming

1366
01:22:03,960 --> 01:22:08,840
Speaker 2: on and sharing your story than he's heaven smiling. This

1367
01:22:08,960 --> 01:22:10,280
Speaker 2: is a beautiful conversation.

1368
01:22:11,520 --> 01:22:13,760
Speaker 3: I know he is. I know he like Oh that

1369
01:22:13,880 --> 01:22:19,880
Speaker 3: girl always she probably like you thought you wore, I'm

1370
01:22:19,880 --> 01:22:25,280
Speaker 3: gonna stay with your mom forever one way like right, yeah, yeah,

1371
01:22:25,479 --> 01:22:29,519
Speaker 3: we had that type of crazy crazy love we had.

1372
01:22:31,200 --> 01:22:33,439
Speaker 2: But I appreciate you to the listeners. If I have

1373
01:22:33,439 --> 01:22:36,320
Speaker 2: any questions, comments, with concerns, please make sure to email

1374
01:22:36,360 --> 01:22:40,519
Speaker 2: me at hello at the pagpodcast dot com. And thank

1375
01:22:40,560 --> 01:22:42,960
Speaker 2: you so much to my guests. We would definitely want

1376
01:22:43,000 --> 01:22:45,880
Speaker 2: to follow up real song again.

1377
01:22:46,200 --> 01:22:49,479
Speaker 3: Thank you so much. You don't even notice. This was

1378
01:22:49,560 --> 01:22:51,720
Speaker 3: like the rep me a little bit for me to

1379
01:22:51,800 --> 01:22:54,600
Speaker 3: be able to talk and remind myself to keep it

1380
01:22:54,640 --> 01:22:58,080
Speaker 3: together because people don't want to hear no snot and blubbering.

1381
01:22:58,640 --> 01:23:01,320
Speaker 3: They wanted that information and so I was able to

1382
01:23:01,360 --> 01:23:04,679
Speaker 3: talk about it in a way that haven't been able

1383
01:23:04,720 --> 01:23:06,880
Speaker 3: to and these last too much. So I thank you,

1384
01:23:06,920 --> 01:23:09,559
Speaker 3: thank you for even thinking about me, and thank you

1385
01:23:09,600 --> 01:23:13,920
Speaker 3: for the platform. Like I said before, let's figure this

1386
01:23:14,000 --> 01:23:17,760
Speaker 3: out people whoever's listening, Let's let's come together in a

1387
01:23:17,800 --> 01:23:20,040
Speaker 3: type of way. Don't be a me is that a

1388
01:23:20,040 --> 01:23:22,840
Speaker 3: good thing to say? Don't be a me. You may

1389
01:23:23,600 --> 01:23:24,280
Speaker 3: that could be a you.

1390
01:23:24,560 --> 01:23:27,080
Speaker 2: I think that we should just be We all have

1391
01:23:27,200 --> 01:23:28,360
Speaker 2: to be more proactive.

1392
01:23:29,640 --> 01:23:32,280
Speaker 3: Yes, like you may not be rolled a possible Let's

1393
01:23:32,320 --> 01:23:35,000
Speaker 3: stand let's stand behind the people that do step up,

1394
01:23:35,200 --> 01:23:38,679
Speaker 3: and let's do different in this world. I don't want

1395
01:23:38,680 --> 01:23:43,320
Speaker 3: to sound corny, but let's let's let's make a difference.

1396
01:23:43,360 --> 01:23:46,400
Speaker 3: Let's try to live a little bit better. Yeah, I had,

1397
01:23:48,160 --> 01:23:52,880
Speaker 3: And let's make people accountable, uh for illegal guns and

1398
01:23:52,920 --> 01:23:56,280
Speaker 3: illegal behavior and all of that other stuff. Let's work together.

1399
01:23:56,880 --> 01:23:57,719
Speaker 3: That's my masst.

1400
01:23:58,040 --> 01:24:00,479
Speaker 2: You know what's so funny. I had a car conversation

1401
01:24:00,600 --> 01:24:04,160
Speaker 2: with Eric's Garner's daughter, one of his daughters, and He's

1402
01:24:04,160 --> 01:24:07,160
Speaker 2: she said the same thing, how you'll be surprised how

1403
01:24:07,520 --> 01:24:10,400
Speaker 2: just standing with somebody and being supportive can really change

1404
01:24:10,400 --> 01:24:12,080
Speaker 2: their day. So I agree. I think that we all

1405
01:24:12,120 --> 01:24:16,400
Speaker 2: should be way more proactive when it's hit our communities.

1406
01:24:16,920 --> 01:24:21,960
Speaker 3: That's the message. Let's be people. Let's let's change the world.

1407
01:24:22,000 --> 01:24:26,680
Speaker 3: We already liveing in history, m in the in the

1408
01:24:26,760 --> 01:24:30,519
Speaker 3: times where people are going to definitely read about more

1409
01:24:30,680 --> 01:24:35,120
Speaker 3: profound than other times in this history of this world.

1410
01:24:35,600 --> 01:24:38,160
Speaker 3: Let's make it. Let's make a good one, let's make

1411
01:24:40,920 --> 01:24:42,200
Speaker 3: thank you.

1412
01:24:42,200 --> 01:24:47,080
Speaker 2: You're welcome, and until next time, everyone later, you're not

1413
01:24:47,120 --> 01:24:48,879
Speaker 2: gonna say bye bye.

1414
01:24:49,280 --> 01:24:53,240
Speaker 3: I thank you for listening.