WEBVTT - A Lesson From Dolly

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<v Speaker 1>A lesson we can all learn from Dolly. It's one

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<v Speaker 1>more thing. Armstrong and Getty. One more thing. I got

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<v Speaker 1>a theory lifestyle thing I've been wanting to discuss anyway,

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<v Speaker 1>and it fits in perfect with the passing of Dolly Parton.

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<v Speaker 1>Something I've been thinking about for a couple of days

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<v Speaker 1>might be one of the keys to her success. But

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<v Speaker 1>before we get to that conversation about how to live

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<v Speaker 1>your life, Dolly Parton was a regular guest on The

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<v Speaker 1>Tonight Show with Johnny Carson. They had a particularly good rapport,

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<v Speaker 1>so it was always a good one. She'd show up

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<v Speaker 1>on there. I remember watching it as a kid. This

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<v Speaker 1>is kind of a classic clip here.

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<v Speaker 2>What's the song you said you made up?

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<v Speaker 3>Well, I wrote this song because it's been real good

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<v Speaker 3>for me ever since I started on your show. And

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<v Speaker 3>you said one time, once I got to be real famous,

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<v Speaker 3>I probably wouldn't come back on the show.

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<v Speaker 2>But I always will. I'm here about as much as

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<v Speaker 2>you are.

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<v Speaker 1>Good friends can say that.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, well, that's what I mean.

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<v Speaker 3>We can say anything. But I was only kidding because

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<v Speaker 3>everybody kid you about it.

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<v Speaker 2>I only like the show.

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<v Speaker 3>Well, I think other people do a good job, but

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<v Speaker 3>I only really like to watch it when you're on.

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<v Speaker 3>And I don't call it The Tonight Show.

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<v Speaker 2>To me, it's The Johnny Carson Show.

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<v Speaker 4>You're saying all the right things.

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<v Speaker 5>No, I'm serious.

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<v Speaker 2>So.

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<v Speaker 1>You want me to roll that point?

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<v Speaker 2>No, I'm going to kick it a little. As good

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<v Speaker 2>as I can with this nail.

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<v Speaker 3>But it's all in the words, and it's, you know,

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<v Speaker 3>I think it is.

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<v Speaker 1>Now, it's not supposed to be too serious, so.

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<v Speaker 2>I have come a long way from the hills of

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<v Speaker 2>Tennessee And I've worked hard to make the folks back

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<v Speaker 2>home real proud of me Now everybody knows my name.

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<v Speaker 1>No matter where I go.

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<v Speaker 2>But I never really made it until the Johnny Carson

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<v Speaker 2>Show I have dreamed of stardom since I was just

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<v Speaker 2>a kid. A million dollar dream beneath this $ 13 wig.

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<v Speaker 2>In my bell-bottom jumpsuits with my rhinestones all aglow, I

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<v Speaker 2>became an overnight success from the Johnny Carson show. From

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<v Speaker 2>polyester paradise to silk and satin frills. From a 48-foot

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<v Speaker 2>mobile home to a mansion on the hill. From moonshine

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<v Speaker 2>to rare wine, from a packard to a rose. But

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<v Speaker 2>I never really made it till the Johnny Carson show. Now,

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<v Speaker 2>there's only one small problem. Sometimes I get disturbed. The

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<v Speaker 2>folks sometimes get me confused with Monty Rock III. But still,

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<v Speaker 2>I think it's worth it. And I just thought you

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<v Speaker 2>should know that I'll always owe a special thanks to

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<v Speaker 2>the Johnny Carson Show. I went from pop beads to diamonds,

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<v Speaker 2>from car coats to fur, from Kmart to Gucci's, from

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<v Speaker 2>here no telling where, from hillbilly heaven to a penthouse

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<v Speaker 2>on the coast, but I never really made it till

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<v Speaker 2>the Johnny Carson show.

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<v Speaker 1>From whatever to Gucci there, yeah. So here's what I

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<v Speaker 1>was thinking about with trying to figure out why Dolly

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<v Speaker 1>Parton is so beloved. Since her passing yesterday, as we

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<v Speaker 1>mentioned many times on the radio show, everybody from, I mean, musically,

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<v Speaker 1>from Metallica to Every Country Act to just Eminem and

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<v Speaker 1>Heavy D and rappers and just everybody like putting out

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<v Speaker 1>a tweet of how much you're going to miss Dolly Parton.

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<v Speaker 2>What is it?

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<v Speaker 1>And then politicians and governments from around the world, just

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<v Speaker 1>all this different sort of stuff. But I was wondering about,

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<v Speaker 1>I don't remember where I came across this the other day.

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<v Speaker 2>Hmm.

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<v Speaker 1>Was it a person talking theology? Was it a therapist?

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<v Speaker 1>Was it a, I remember where it came from. But anyway,

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<v Speaker 1>but this idea is sort of ancient. It's the idea

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<v Speaker 1>of trying to put out more good vibes in the

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<v Speaker 1>world than bad vibes and And that it has an

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<v Speaker 1>effect on all different kinds of things. And I think

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<v Speaker 1>Dolly Parton probably had a good effect on like practically

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<v Speaker 1>everybody she ran into. And then that kind of spreads.

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<v Speaker 1>But just the example being like, if I'm being a

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<v Speaker 1>jerk and in a bad mood and I'm rude to

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<v Speaker 1>a waiter, then that waiter might be, you know, not

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<v Speaker 1>very nice to his boss, right? And his boss might

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<v Speaker 1>go home and not be very nice to his wife

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<v Speaker 1>or her husband. And then that person goes to work

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<v Speaker 1>the next day and treats that, you know, just how

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<v Speaker 1>it has ripples as opposed to the opposite, where if

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<v Speaker 1>you're kind of cheery and nice and give them a

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<v Speaker 1>good tip and say you did a really good job

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<v Speaker 1>and they're in a better mood and the boss feels

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<v Speaker 1>better about himself and he goes home and he's nicer

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<v Speaker 1>to his kids. Just do you believe in that idea

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<v Speaker 1>of just everybody putting out vibes in the world and

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<v Speaker 1>that if everybody put out better vibes, the world will

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<v Speaker 1>be a better place? Or is that like over.

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<v Speaker 1>Exaggerating one's effect on things. No, I don't.

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<v Speaker 4>Well, it depends what you perceive your effect on things

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<v Speaker 4>would be. I suppose you could be delusional or have

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<v Speaker 4>delusions of grandeur. But no, in general, yeah, of course

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<v Speaker 4>that's true. If people are more pleasant, the world would

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<v Speaker 4>be a more pleasant place. And everybody ought to try. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 4>I believe that 100%. It's not going to lead to

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<v Speaker 4>a perfect world or the end of strife and crime

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<v Speaker 4>and dishonesty and graft and the rest of it, but

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<v Speaker 4>it'll make it a hell of a lot more pleasant.

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<v Speaker 1>I don't think most people think about their bad acts,

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<v Speaker 1>especially the small ones of having the effect sort of

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<v Speaker 1>thing that I just laid out. Just a minor thing

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<v Speaker 1>with somebody that could make them a little grumpier to

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<v Speaker 1>their kid or boy, just, you know, and then builds

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<v Speaker 1>and builds and builds or transfers a little at a

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<v Speaker 1>time and the opposite. And then, like, a person at

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<v Speaker 1>Dolly Parton, I would guess that, like, every meeting she

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<v Speaker 1>was in or whatever was a little nicer and calmer

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<v Speaker 1>and people left feeling a little better than if they

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<v Speaker 1>were in a meeting with, I don't know, who's a

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<v Speaker 1>legendary a-hole to work with? I don't know who, but.

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<v Speaker 1>I mean, anybody who works in.

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<v Speaker 4>Oh, it would be so funny right now to name

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<v Speaker 4>somebody we actually work with.

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<v Speaker 1>Well, I can pick one.

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<v Speaker 5>Yeah. Anybody who works in... customer service can relate to

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<v Speaker 5>what you're talking about because i remember being a cashier

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<v Speaker 5>at trader joe's and i could be up on that

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<v Speaker 5>register for two and a half hours and then one

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<v Speaker 5>person would come in and be a dick and there

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<v Speaker 5>goes my mood for the rest of the day everybody

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<v Speaker 5>and for some reason negativity overrides kindness in certain ways

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<v Speaker 5>right it just takes that one little thing where you're.

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<v Speaker 1>Like yeah probably shouldn't but yeah i feel like You

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<v Speaker 1>could run into five really nice, pleasant people in a row,

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<v Speaker 1>and one bad person could override that easily.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, yeah.

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<v Speaker 1>As opposed to the other way around.

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<v Speaker 4>Yeah, we're probably made that way for a specific reason,

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<v Speaker 4>but I suppose fighting against it is probably a good idea.

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<v Speaker 4>You know, it's funny, you were asking that question, and

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<v Speaker 4>I was getting distracted because I was thinking of people

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<v Speaker 4>who are unpleasant to other people, or at least less

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<v Speaker 4>pleasant than they ought to be, because they perceive that

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<v Speaker 4>person to be below them. And I thought, no, that's

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<v Speaker 4>kind of a distraction from what Jack was talking about,

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<v Speaker 4>but no, that's, it's a perfect thing to bring into

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<v Speaker 4>the Dolly Parton discussion.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah.

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<v Speaker 1>Cause she was, she, how often was she around anybody

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<v Speaker 1>that she wasn't above by like any measure of success

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<v Speaker 1>you would have very rarely.

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<v Speaker 4>And I, there are certain cultural norms as I've moved

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<v Speaker 4>around the country. It's been really interesting to see different

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<v Speaker 4>people of different economic status in different parts of the

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<v Speaker 4>country behave in, in little different ways. Um, But the

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<v Speaker 4>idea of when the, uh, the busser or whatever, the

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<v Speaker 4>assistant waiter comes to your table and fills your water,

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<v Speaker 4>refills your water. You can, I've, I, I always say

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<v Speaker 4>thank you. Um, but I've known people who would consider

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<v Speaker 4>it ridiculous to even acknowledge their presence there.

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<v Speaker 1>I will say, I didn't even look at them. I

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<v Speaker 1>will say, I will state it flatly. We, uh, We've

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<v Speaker 1>had many, many bosses, Joe and I.

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<v Speaker 5>Yes.

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<v Speaker 1>We still have like, I don't know, 50 people we

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<v Speaker 1>could call our boss if we wanted to use that terminology. Anyway,

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<v Speaker 1>I was told one time, Katie, by a boss when

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<v Speaker 1>the waiter came and did that, filled the water. And

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<v Speaker 1>I said, thank you. He said, no, no, no, no.

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<v Speaker 1>You don't talk to the waiters. That's not the way

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<v Speaker 1>you're supposed to. Because he felt like he was, because

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<v Speaker 1>I'm a hick from nowhere, he was schooling me on

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<v Speaker 1>the way you're supposed to handle nice restaurants. You don't

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<v Speaker 1>acknowledge him or talk to him. You're not supposed to

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<v Speaker 1>do that. Like what? We have a very background.

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<v Speaker 4>What?

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<v Speaker 5>We have a very, very nice restaurant that we basically

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<v Speaker 5>celebrate all family events together. I tip all of the

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<v Speaker 5>the bussers because nobody pays attention to them.

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<v Speaker 4>Oh. Oh, they get a share of the server's tips,

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<v Speaker 4>but certainly if you'd like to, then.

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<v Speaker 2>Go do it.

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<v Speaker 5>Because I was a busser, and I know what it's

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<v Speaker 5>like to go refill the waters, and it's like you're

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<v Speaker 5>not even there. And one person says thank you, which

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<v Speaker 5>is greatly appreciated, but it's like, I mean, they're not

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<v Speaker 5>doing anything less.

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<v Speaker 1>They're working their butts off. What's the downside of saying

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<v Speaker 1>thanks when somebody fills your water glass?

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<v Speaker 4>There is no downside.

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<v Speaker 1>To reassert your status.

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<v Speaker 4>Because people people need that they.

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<v Speaker 5>Need to feel superior to others now your status is

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<v Speaker 5>gross if that's the case.

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<v Speaker 1>Well i guess is that what it's born of with

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<v Speaker 1>that individual it seemed to me the way it was

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<v Speaker 1>presented to me that like if i'm with a group

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<v Speaker 1>of other people that are at my lofty status It's

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<v Speaker 1>a bad signal to them that I don't know I'm

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<v Speaker 1>not supposed to say anything to the person who filled

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<v Speaker 1>my water.

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<v Speaker 5>No, this is ridiculous.

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<v Speaker 1>Which I don't care about. That's a human being.

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<v Speaker 5>They're working their butt off. You said thank you, which

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<v Speaker 5>is the nice thing to do, and it shows that

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<v Speaker 5>you have manners.

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<v Speaker 1>You're the lower classes, Katie. Well, then call me a peasant. Right.

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<v Speaker 2>All right.

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<v Speaker 1>And if I'm at a table with some people who

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<v Speaker 1>are going to think, and there's somebody who does not

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<v Speaker 1>understand how the world works or is a poltroon or whatever, fine,

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<v Speaker 1>I'll be okay. You guys got any change?

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah.

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<v Speaker 4>There you go.

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<v Speaker 1>Nice.

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<v Speaker 4>And this is the United States of America, famously one

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<v Speaker 4>of the most class-mobile societies ever on Earth. One of

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<v Speaker 4>my daughter's friends did, I think it was a year

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<v Speaker 4>at one of your fairly elite British universities, And the

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<v Speaker 4>class system is much more entrenched in Britain and it

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<v Speaker 4>is not a thing of the past. And she was

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<v Speaker 4>so shocked initially, then interested and occasionally amused that it

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<v Speaker 4>became infinitely clear. And they're not subtle about it, that

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<v Speaker 4>you are not in our class. You will not hang

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<v Speaker 4>out with us. You will not talk to us. You

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<v Speaker 4>are not welcome here at all. And then, then you've

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<v Speaker 4>got a country like India. where they make Britain look,

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<v Speaker 4>you know, like they're classless. So, yeah, it's, but getting

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<v Speaker 4>back to Dolly Parton, she was immensely wealthy, popular, famous,

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<v Speaker 4>and unaware of her ever acting as if she was

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<v Speaker 4>better than anyone. That's part of why she's an American icon,

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<v Speaker 4>because that's, going back to the founders, that is one

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<v Speaker 4>of the bedrock principles on which this country was founded,

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<v Speaker 4>that people don't, I think, appreciate, um, enough.

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<v Speaker 5>This might be a little disconnected, but when I was

0:12:08.750 --> 0:12:12.730
<v Speaker 5>working at a major alternative radio station in San Francisco,

0:12:12.809 --> 0:12:14.590
<v Speaker 5>I was on, I was the cohost of the morning

0:12:14.610 --> 0:12:18.610
<v Speaker 5>show and I worked at trader Joe's at the same time.

0:12:19.270 --> 0:12:21.550
<v Speaker 5>And that was humbling because I had like listeners because

0:12:21.570 --> 0:12:22.710
<v Speaker 5>I would talk about it on the air and then

0:12:22.750 --> 0:12:24.910
<v Speaker 5>listeners would come in and see me like stalking cereal.

0:12:25.630 --> 0:12:26.980
<v Speaker 1>What's up guys.

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<v Speaker 2>You know?

0:12:27.740 --> 0:12:28.600
<v Speaker 1>Yeah.

0:12:28.900 --> 0:12:30.120
<v Speaker 4>Yeah. No big head there.

0:12:30.420 --> 0:12:30.640
<v Speaker 2>No.

0:12:31.620 --> 0:12:36.520
<v Speaker 5>That whole status, I hate the status steps that we

0:12:36.540 --> 0:12:38.260
<v Speaker 5>take sometimes. It's really not cool.

0:12:38.460 --> 0:12:39.360
<v Speaker 1>I'm right with you, Katie.

0:12:39.500 --> 0:12:39.819
<v Speaker 4>I hate it.

0:12:39.820 --> 0:12:43.579
<v Speaker 1>Thank you, Michael. I thought you were implying that you're

0:12:43.600 --> 0:12:47.079
<v Speaker 1>stocking cereal now, but you're not. No, I wasn't. I

0:12:47.100 --> 0:12:48.060
<v Speaker 1>did bus table, so.

0:12:48.679 --> 0:12:50.900
<v Speaker 4>Michael, we had such an overflow yesterday. We had to

0:12:50.940 --> 0:12:54.460
<v Speaker 4>schedule another autograph session for you. So there's like 75

0:12:54.460 --> 0:12:56.790
<v Speaker 4>people lined up, so. If you could get out to

0:12:56.809 --> 0:12:58.390
<v Speaker 4>the lobby, that'd be great. All right.

0:12:58.790 --> 0:13:04.990
<v Speaker 1>I just thought it's an extra motivation as if being

0:13:05.070 --> 0:13:08.429
<v Speaker 1>nice to the one individual you're interacting with isn't enough

0:13:08.750 --> 0:13:14.010
<v Speaker 1>that you could affect 15 people that day by being

0:13:14.370 --> 0:13:16.150
<v Speaker 1>slightly rude to this person.

0:13:17.210 --> 0:13:17.590
<v Speaker 2>Yeah.

0:13:17.790 --> 0:13:18.950
<v Speaker 1>Surely you don't want to do that.

0:13:19.410 --> 0:13:20.670
<v Speaker 5>It's a ripple effect, like you said.

0:13:20.809 --> 0:13:21.079
<v Speaker 1>Yeah.

0:13:22.000 --> 0:13:22.250
<v Speaker 3>Yeah.

0:13:22.650 --> 0:13:25.580
<v Speaker 4>Yeah. One of the most important things I learned as

0:13:25.620 --> 0:13:27.900
<v Speaker 4>a busser, it's funny that most of us did that,

0:13:28.420 --> 0:13:33.320
<v Speaker 4>is if you're filling the waters and you drop the

0:13:33.340 --> 0:13:35.620
<v Speaker 4>pitcher and knock over a glass or something and spill

0:13:35.660 --> 0:13:36.450
<v Speaker 4>the water everywhere.

0:13:36.470 --> 0:13:38.770
<v Speaker 1>I was perfect, so I don't know what that's about.

0:13:39.270 --> 0:13:43.209
<v Speaker 4>Everybody's so distracted and so frantic, you can reach into

0:13:43.250 --> 0:13:47.530
<v Speaker 4>somebody's purse and fish around. and see if you can

0:13:47.550 --> 0:13:48.350
<v Speaker 4>get your own tip.

0:13:48.429 --> 0:13:50.270
<v Speaker 1>Well, that was back in the old days. That's more

0:13:50.290 --> 0:13:52.960
<v Speaker 1>gross behavior. You could grab several phones. You'd probably have

0:13:53.020 --> 0:13:54.080
<v Speaker 1>three phones in your pocket.

0:13:54.420 --> 0:13:54.640
<v Speaker 4>Right.

0:13:54.660 --> 0:13:56.740
<v Speaker 1>Everybody's going to try to self-off with him, and then

0:13:56.760 --> 0:13:58.440
<v Speaker 1>at some point he's going to say, I'm so sorry.

0:13:58.460 --> 0:13:59.000
<v Speaker 1>Where's my phone?

0:13:59.040 --> 0:13:59.520
<v Speaker 2>You see your phone.

0:13:59.540 --> 0:14:03.410
<v Speaker 1>What kind of heathens are you? I don't think that's what... Hey,

0:14:03.420 --> 0:14:05.580
<v Speaker 1>you got to look out for number one, lady. Just

0:14:05.640 --> 0:14:06.679
<v Speaker 1>like Dolly Parton.

0:14:06.760 --> 0:14:06.980
<v Speaker 5>What?

0:14:07.059 --> 0:14:12.510
<v Speaker 1>Just like Dolly. I used to be a buster, and

0:14:12.550 --> 0:14:14.490
<v Speaker 1>I would tell the people, you know, this is nice,

0:14:14.570 --> 0:14:16.770
<v Speaker 1>but I'm a millionaire. I just do this to hang

0:14:16.809 --> 0:14:17.670
<v Speaker 1>out with the little people.

0:14:19.260 --> 0:14:19.720
<v Speaker 4>Like you.

0:14:20.920 --> 0:14:22.200
<v Speaker 1>Well, I guess that's it.