WEBVTT - BrainStuff Classics: What Is Breakup Bootcamp?

0:00:01.800 --> 0:00:04.320
<v Speaker 1>Welcome to brain Stuff, a production of I Heart Radio.

0:00:06.720 --> 0:00:09.360
<v Speaker 1>Hey brain Stuff. I'm Lauren vog Obam, and this is

0:00:09.400 --> 0:00:13.680
<v Speaker 1>another episode from the Vault. Today's classic concerns a novel

0:00:13.720 --> 0:00:16.440
<v Speaker 1>way that people are dealing with the age old issue

0:00:16.600 --> 0:00:20.200
<v Speaker 1>of how to heal a broken heart breakup boot Camps,

0:00:22.400 --> 0:00:26.040
<v Speaker 1>Hey brain Stuff, Lauren voc Obam. Here, nobody tells us

0:00:26.200 --> 0:00:29.320
<v Speaker 1>how to do a breakup. We get advice, encouragement, and

0:00:29.360 --> 0:00:32.680
<v Speaker 1>insistence when it comes to entering romantic relationships, but when

0:00:32.720 --> 0:00:36.680
<v Speaker 1>it comes to splitting up, we're on our own. Literally. Sure,

0:00:36.760 --> 0:00:39.840
<v Speaker 1>we have condolences murmured to us by anxious eyed friends

0:00:39.880 --> 0:00:42.760
<v Speaker 1>and family for a few weeks, and it's generally accepted

0:00:42.800 --> 0:00:46.360
<v Speaker 1>that unusual ice cream eating behavior, possibly combined with a

0:00:46.440 --> 0:00:49.760
<v Speaker 1>drastic haircut, might be in order. But otherwise we're given

0:00:49.840 --> 0:00:52.680
<v Speaker 1>free rain to melt down in the manner of our choosing.

0:00:53.240 --> 0:00:56.560
<v Speaker 1>After a while, though, people start rolling their eyes. Why

0:00:56.600 --> 0:00:59.120
<v Speaker 1>does she still look like she's going to a Morrissey concert,

0:00:59.200 --> 0:01:01.920
<v Speaker 1>they ask each other. Or why can't he stop texting

0:01:01.920 --> 0:01:04.959
<v Speaker 1>her at midnight apologizing for not having unloaded the dishwasher?

0:01:05.000 --> 0:01:09.919
<v Speaker 1>More often, the truth is breakups are personal. The sudden

0:01:09.959 --> 0:01:13.240
<v Speaker 1>dissolution of a relationship with the human where emotionally closest

0:01:13.240 --> 0:01:16.920
<v Speaker 1>to can cause the sensation of life collapsing in on itself.

0:01:17.800 --> 0:01:21.520
<v Speaker 1>We spoke with Suzanne Morgan, a relationship counselor at Counseling

0:01:21.520 --> 0:01:25.160
<v Speaker 1>Associates for Well Being in Athens, Georgia. She said, a

0:01:25.240 --> 0:01:27.520
<v Speaker 1>breakup or divorce is a loss that needs to be

0:01:27.560 --> 0:01:30.840
<v Speaker 1>grieved and it often affects self esteem and identity and

0:01:30.920 --> 0:01:33.319
<v Speaker 1>sometimes even a sense of safety in the physical world.

0:01:33.720 --> 0:01:35.679
<v Speaker 1>It can mean the loss of these significant other and

0:01:35.720 --> 0:01:38.560
<v Speaker 1>the relationship, but also the death of the dream one

0:01:38.640 --> 0:01:41.319
<v Speaker 1>had for a life imagined or planned with that person.

0:01:42.240 --> 0:01:45.440
<v Speaker 1>It's a big deal and emotional healing takes a little time.

0:01:45.959 --> 0:01:49.000
<v Speaker 1>But if you don't have time these days, there's always

0:01:49.160 --> 0:01:52.440
<v Speaker 1>breakup boot camp. In an age of SPA retreats and

0:01:52.560 --> 0:01:55.720
<v Speaker 1>clean living seminars, breakup boot camps have sprung up to

0:01:55.840 --> 0:01:58.640
<v Speaker 1>fill a need to make the broken hearted feel as

0:01:58.680 --> 0:02:01.120
<v Speaker 1>if they're doing something beside it's wallowing in their own

0:02:01.120 --> 0:02:04.600
<v Speaker 1>psychological pain in addition to giving them concrete steps for

0:02:04.680 --> 0:02:08.040
<v Speaker 1>moving forward with their lives. And it's a big business.

0:02:08.480 --> 0:02:11.560
<v Speaker 1>Let's take for example, the renew Breakup boot Camp, which

0:02:11.639 --> 0:02:14.280
<v Speaker 1>runs retreats out of New York and California and touts

0:02:14.320 --> 0:02:17.720
<v Speaker 1>on their website a scientific and spiritual approach to healing

0:02:17.760 --> 0:02:20.519
<v Speaker 1>the heart. You can participate in one of their weekend

0:02:20.520 --> 0:02:24.360
<v Speaker 1>getaways communing with psychologists, life coaches, energy healers, and tantric

0:02:24.440 --> 0:02:27.880
<v Speaker 1>yoga instructors in addition to others struggling with the aftermath

0:02:27.919 --> 0:02:30.679
<v Speaker 1>of a big breakup for between one thousand, two d

0:02:31.240 --> 0:02:35.440
<v Speaker 1>dollars and two thousand four dollars. If that's a little

0:02:35.520 --> 0:02:37.440
<v Speaker 1>rich for your blood, you can sign up for text

0:02:37.480 --> 0:02:40.560
<v Speaker 1>messages from a relationship guru for nine dollars a month,

0:02:40.760 --> 0:02:43.160
<v Speaker 1>or take a thirty day email course for a hundred

0:02:43.160 --> 0:02:47.120
<v Speaker 1>and forty nine dollars. M e n relationship columnist and

0:02:47.200 --> 0:02:50.800
<v Speaker 1>founder of Renew Breakup boot Camp invokes the combined powers

0:02:50.840 --> 0:02:55.280
<v Speaker 1>of neuroscience, psychology, yoga, meditation, and energy healing to cover

0:02:55.360 --> 0:02:58.440
<v Speaker 1>all of your post breakup bases. But it seems like

0:02:58.480 --> 0:03:01.040
<v Speaker 1>that's the kind of firepower for quired for the tall

0:03:01.160 --> 0:03:04.799
<v Speaker 1>order she's promising to fill. According to her website quote,

0:03:04.960 --> 0:03:08.480
<v Speaker 1>Renew provides a safe space for women to heal past wounds,

0:03:08.520 --> 0:03:12.080
<v Speaker 1>rewire unhealthy patterns and limiting narratives, and enter the next

0:03:12.080 --> 0:03:16.000
<v Speaker 1>phase of life with inspiration and empowerment all over the

0:03:16.000 --> 0:03:19.600
<v Speaker 1>course of a long weekend. Other breakup boot camps claimed

0:03:19.639 --> 0:03:22.600
<v Speaker 1>to have hit on similarly effective formulas for ushering the

0:03:22.760 --> 0:03:26.679
<v Speaker 1>trauma addled love loren through the healing process. One such

0:03:26.720 --> 0:03:29.240
<v Speaker 1>program claims a three step program is the way to

0:03:29.280 --> 0:03:32.400
<v Speaker 1>go acknowledge your own role in what happened, admit you're

0:03:32.400 --> 0:03:35.360
<v Speaker 1>better off without that person, and accept that the relationship

0:03:35.520 --> 0:03:39.920
<v Speaker 1>is over. But is all this kerfuffle needed for something

0:03:39.920 --> 0:03:42.080
<v Speaker 1>that the vast majority of us will go through at

0:03:42.160 --> 0:03:45.040
<v Speaker 1>least once in our lives. On the spectrum of trauma

0:03:45.080 --> 0:03:48.720
<v Speaker 1>a person can experience, how bad can it be? We

0:03:48.800 --> 0:03:52.240
<v Speaker 1>also spoke with Anne Bellwood of Many Colors Counseling, who

0:03:52.240 --> 0:03:56.720
<v Speaker 1>specializes in psychotherapy for women and the LGBTQ community. She

0:03:56.800 --> 0:03:59.600
<v Speaker 1>said people are dealing with all kinds of things during

0:03:59.600 --> 0:04:03.720
<v Speaker 1>break up. Psychological trauma is a subjective experience, meaning it

0:04:03.840 --> 0:04:06.960
<v Speaker 1>is defined by you and it is characterized by feeling

0:04:07.000 --> 0:04:10.760
<v Speaker 1>extremely helpless and overwhelmed. The loss of a close relationship,

0:04:10.880 --> 0:04:14.280
<v Speaker 1>especially depending upon the details of your situation, can absolutely

0:04:14.320 --> 0:04:16.960
<v Speaker 1>make you feel this way. I help clients deal with

0:04:16.960 --> 0:04:19.400
<v Speaker 1>this by restoring a sense of control over their lives,

0:04:19.720 --> 0:04:22.720
<v Speaker 1>making meaning from the past and restoring hope in the future.

0:04:23.680 --> 0:04:26.320
<v Speaker 1>So maybe the need for things like breakup boot camps

0:04:26.400 --> 0:04:28.680
<v Speaker 1>has more to do with our need for extra help

0:04:28.720 --> 0:04:31.039
<v Speaker 1>in all areas of our lives that we're constantly holding

0:04:31.080 --> 0:04:34.000
<v Speaker 1>together until the end of an important relationship brings it

0:04:34.000 --> 0:04:37.920
<v Speaker 1>all crashing into our laps. And although eating delicious meals,

0:04:37.920 --> 0:04:41.360
<v Speaker 1>doing yoga and talking to neuroscientists, life coaches and other

0:04:41.400 --> 0:04:44.960
<v Speaker 1>people who have recently been through breakups can definitely help healing,

0:04:45.040 --> 0:04:49.080
<v Speaker 1>unhealthy relationship patterns can take a lifetime, not just a weekend.

0:04:49.920 --> 0:04:53.640
<v Speaker 1>Morgan said, I personally think the boot camp idea sounds fine,

0:04:53.920 --> 0:04:55.599
<v Speaker 1>but I would look at it more as a retreat

0:04:55.680 --> 0:04:57.719
<v Speaker 1>and a way to get support or jump start the

0:04:57.760 --> 0:05:01.000
<v Speaker 1>healing process. I would caution some one planning to attend

0:05:01.040 --> 0:05:04.200
<v Speaker 1>that they shouldn't expect a quick fix. Breakups can bring

0:05:04.279 --> 0:05:07.480
<v Speaker 1>up long held, painful wounds and negative beliefs, but they're

0:05:07.520 --> 0:05:10.760
<v Speaker 1>actually a good opportunity to change the narrative. This doesn't

0:05:10.800 --> 0:05:14.160
<v Speaker 1>happen overnight and requires some work. A breakup can actually

0:05:14.160 --> 0:05:16.559
<v Speaker 1>be a positive sign of growth, that one is changing

0:05:16.560 --> 0:05:20.039
<v Speaker 1>a pattern or not willing to accept unacceptable behavior anymore.

0:05:27.600 --> 0:05:30.359
<v Speaker 1>Today's episode is based on the article Breakup boot Camp

0:05:30.440 --> 0:05:32.680
<v Speaker 1>Help for Surviving a Broken Heart on how stuff works

0:05:32.720 --> 0:05:35.640
<v Speaker 1>dot com, written by Jesslyn Shields. Brain Stuff is production

0:05:35.680 --> 0:05:37.680
<v Speaker 1>of My Heart Radio in partnership with how stuff works

0:05:37.720 --> 0:05:40.480
<v Speaker 1>dot Com, and it's produced by Tyler Clang. For more

0:05:40.480 --> 0:05:43.200
<v Speaker 1>podcasts from my heart Radio, visit the a heart Radio app,

0:05:43.279 --> 0:05:46.120
<v Speaker 1>Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.