Speaker 1: Welcome to brain Stuff, a production of I Heart Radio.
Speaker 1: Hey brain Stuff. I'm Lauren vog Obam, and this is
Speaker 1: another episode from the Vault. Today's classic concerns a novel
Speaker 1: way that people are dealing with the age old issue
Speaker 1: of how to heal a broken heart breakup boot Camps,
Speaker 1: Hey brain Stuff, Lauren voc Obam. Here, nobody tells us
Speaker 1: how to do a breakup. We get advice, encouragement, and
Speaker 1: insistence when it comes to entering romantic relationships, but when
Speaker 1: it comes to splitting up, we're on our own. Literally. Sure,
Speaker 1: we have condolences murmured to us by anxious eyed friends
Speaker 1: and family for a few weeks, and it's generally accepted
Speaker 1: that unusual ice cream eating behavior, possibly combined with a
Speaker 1: drastic haircut, might be in order. But otherwise we're given
Speaker 1: free rain to melt down in the manner of our choosing.
Speaker 1: After a while, though, people start rolling their eyes. Why
Speaker 1: does she still look like she's going to a Morrissey concert,
Speaker 1: they ask each other. Or why can't he stop texting
Speaker 1: her at midnight apologizing for not having unloaded the dishwasher?
Speaker 1: More often, the truth is breakups are personal. The sudden
Speaker 1: dissolution of a relationship with the human where emotionally closest
Speaker 1: to can cause the sensation of life collapsing in on itself.
Speaker 1: We spoke with Suzanne Morgan, a relationship counselor at Counseling
Speaker 1: Associates for Well Being in Athens, Georgia. She said, a
Speaker 1: breakup or divorce is a loss that needs to be
Speaker 1: grieved and it often affects self esteem and identity and
Speaker 1: sometimes even a sense of safety in the physical world.
Speaker 1: It can mean the loss of these significant other and
Speaker 1: the relationship, but also the death of the dream one
Speaker 1: had for a life imagined or planned with that person.
Speaker 1: It's a big deal and emotional healing takes a little time.
Speaker 1: But if you don't have time these days, there's always
Speaker 1: breakup boot camp. In an age of SPA retreats and
Speaker 1: clean living seminars, breakup boot camps have sprung up to
Speaker 1: fill a need to make the broken hearted feel as
Speaker 1: if they're doing something beside it's wallowing in their own
Speaker 1: psychological pain in addition to giving them concrete steps for
Speaker 1: moving forward with their lives. And it's a big business.
Speaker 1: Let's take for example, the renew Breakup boot Camp, which
Speaker 1: runs retreats out of New York and California and touts
Speaker 1: on their website a scientific and spiritual approach to healing
Speaker 1: the heart. You can participate in one of their weekend
Speaker 1: getaways communing with psychologists, life coaches, energy healers, and tantric
Speaker 1: yoga instructors in addition to others struggling with the aftermath
Speaker 1: of a big breakup for between one thousand, two d
Speaker 1: dollars and two thousand four dollars. If that's a little
Speaker 1: rich for your blood, you can sign up for text
Speaker 1: messages from a relationship guru for nine dollars a month,
Speaker 1: or take a thirty day email course for a hundred
Speaker 1: and forty nine dollars. M e n relationship columnist and
Speaker 1: founder of Renew Breakup boot Camp invokes the combined powers
Speaker 1: of neuroscience, psychology, yoga, meditation, and energy healing to cover
Speaker 1: all of your post breakup bases. But it seems like
Speaker 1: that's the kind of firepower for quired for the tall
Speaker 1: order she's promising to fill. According to her website quote,
Speaker 1: Renew provides a safe space for women to heal past wounds,
Speaker 1: rewire unhealthy patterns and limiting narratives, and enter the next
Speaker 1: phase of life with inspiration and empowerment all over the
Speaker 1: course of a long weekend. Other breakup boot camps claimed
Speaker 1: to have hit on similarly effective formulas for ushering the
Speaker 1: trauma addled love loren through the healing process. One such
Speaker 1: program claims a three step program is the way to
Speaker 1: go acknowledge your own role in what happened, admit you're
Speaker 1: better off without that person, and accept that the relationship
Speaker 1: is over. But is all this kerfuffle needed for something
Speaker 1: that the vast majority of us will go through at
Speaker 1: least once in our lives. On the spectrum of trauma
Speaker 1: a person can experience, how bad can it be? We
Speaker 1: also spoke with Anne Bellwood of Many Colors Counseling, who
Speaker 1: specializes in psychotherapy for women and the LGBTQ community. She
Speaker 1: said people are dealing with all kinds of things during
Speaker 1: break up. Psychological trauma is a subjective experience, meaning it
Speaker 1: is defined by you and it is characterized by feeling
Speaker 1: extremely helpless and overwhelmed. The loss of a close relationship,
Speaker 1: especially depending upon the details of your situation, can absolutely
Speaker 1: make you feel this way. I help clients deal with
Speaker 1: this by restoring a sense of control over their lives,
Speaker 1: making meaning from the past and restoring hope in the future.
Speaker 1: So maybe the need for things like breakup boot camps
Speaker 1: has more to do with our need for extra help
Speaker 1: in all areas of our lives that we're constantly holding
Speaker 1: together until the end of an important relationship brings it
Speaker 1: all crashing into our laps. And although eating delicious meals,
Speaker 1: doing yoga and talking to neuroscientists, life coaches and other
Speaker 1: people who have recently been through breakups can definitely help healing,
Speaker 1: unhealthy relationship patterns can take a lifetime, not just a weekend.
Speaker 1: Morgan said, I personally think the boot camp idea sounds fine,
Speaker 1: but I would look at it more as a retreat
Speaker 1: and a way to get support or jump start the
Speaker 1: healing process. I would caution some one planning to attend
Speaker 1: that they shouldn't expect a quick fix. Breakups can bring
Speaker 1: up long held, painful wounds and negative beliefs, but they're
Speaker 1: actually a good opportunity to change the narrative. This doesn't
Speaker 1: happen overnight and requires some work. A breakup can actually
Speaker 1: be a positive sign of growth, that one is changing
Speaker 1: a pattern or not willing to accept unacceptable behavior anymore.
Speaker 1: Today's episode is based on the article Breakup boot Camp
Speaker 1: Help for Surviving a Broken Heart on how stuff works
Speaker 1: dot com, written by Jesslyn Shields. Brain Stuff is production
Speaker 1: of My Heart Radio in partnership with how stuff works
Speaker 1: dot Com, and it's produced by Tyler Clang. For more
Speaker 1: podcasts from my heart Radio, visit the a heart Radio app,
Speaker 1: Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.